#kind of predictable but cathartic to write

[too-tired-to-write]

4.

Little Red Riding Hood was a darling girl, well-behaved, polite, always keen to help. And indeed, her Mother and Grandmother always had her busy with something – fetching water or firewood, dusting and sweeping, darning and stitching, scrubbing floors and baking bread.

When she had been younger, Little Red had never played with the other girls and boys in the village. There had been no time – she had to clean out the chicken coop, chop the vegetables, milk the goats. And if she didn’t get it all done, on time, just the way Mother and Grandmother liked it?

It was better not to think about it.

One day, Little Red’s Mother packed a basket with cakes and wine. Little Red’s Grandmother had been ill, and Mother asked her to deliver the basket to Grandmother to make sure she had good food to grow strong and well again.

But Little Red’s Grandmother did not live in the village. Grandmother lived all alone in a cottage in the woods.

.

Little Red Riding Hood was a smart kid. She knew that the woods could be dangerous, and the safest thing was to stick to the path.

But the deeper she walked into the woods, the more beautiful the flowers became. So many bluebells, like an ocean all around her! Wood anemone, primrose, violet, cowslip! How beautiful they were! How sweet they smelled!

Little Red was so enchanted by the flowers, she did not notice that she was no longer alone.

“Well hello there,” said a rich, dark voice, making the child jump. Padding by her side was a Wolf.

“Hello,” she replied, for her Mother and Grandmother had always taught her that bad manners would be punished.

“It’s a lovely day,” the Wolf observed. “Where are you walking to with such a heavy basket?”

“I’m going to see my Grandmother,” Little Red replied. “She’s been sick, and my Mother has sent me with cakes and wine.”

“What a dutiful and good Granddaughter you are,” the Wolf purred. “Tell me more about your dear Mother and Grandmother. You are the apple of their eyes, I imagine.”

“Oh, yes,” Little Red agreed. It seemed safest.

“They must have been very upset when you fell and hit your head,” the Wolf continued. “That’s a nasty bruise.”

“Oh, yes,” Little Red agreed. It seemed safest.

“Hmm. Well, it’s been a pleasure talking to you. You take care now, Little Red,” said the Wolf, and away he went into the forest again.

.

Little Red was smart and safe, and stuck to the path all the way to her Grandmother’s door. She knocked, as her Mother and Grandmother had always taught her that bad manners would be punished.

“Let yourself in, my dear,” Grandmother called, and goodness! How strange her voice sounded! She must indeed be most unwell.

“Mother has sent me with cakes and wine, Grandmother,” said Little Red.

“How thoughtful of her,” Grandma replied. “Do come in and bring them over to me.” Little Red stepped lightly through the shadowy cottage, quickly reaching Grandmother’s bedside.

Grandmother was not in her bed. The Wolf was in her bed.

Little Red Riding Hood stood very still. She kept her eyes meekly on the ground, and waited for the blow to strike.

“I’m not going to eat you,” said the Wolf.

Little Red still did not look up.

“Where is Grandmother?” she asked the Wolf, her voice a whisper. The Wolf considered his answer.

“Do you really want me to give you the answer to that question?” he asked.

Little Red hesitated, then shook her head. The Wolf sighed.

“Take your shoes off and come into bed,” he ordered gently. “I’ll make you some hot milk, and you can eat as many cakes as you like.”

.

Little Red ate cakes and drank warm milk, and then she curled up into the Wolf’s soft, warm fur and slept for hours.

She thought she heard her Mother’s voice once, though she was half sleeping and couldn’t say for sure. It seemed like the Wolf left her, and there was a snarl, or maybe the start of a scream. It was all very hazy and unclear. And anyway the Wolf was by her side in no time, nuzzling her cheek, telling her to go back to sleep.

[a-slight-sweet-fiction]

I'm just saying that Kevin is such an important and powerful and meaningful character to I think MANY queer listeners who have survived religious (and other) abuse, and it would actually genuinely hurt my heart if his arc turned out to be:

"Once upon a time, there was a genuinely kind and selfless person who loved the people in his life enough to sacrifice himself to save them. But he wasn't strong enough, and found himself violently transformed into a tool of incredible violence, against his will.

"And the version of himself that still remembered what love and kindness were, that longed for human connection, survived within him. It persisted long after everything and everyone he had ever known had long since passed away. That version of him ached to live again, to be more than a twitch of the wrist in a body that no longer felt like his, to even remember his own name.

"That desire was so powerful that it manifested in the form of a young boy, one who hated everything he knew he would become and desperately tried to dismantle him.

"And finally, looking at his younger self, seeing it play out in this way, the older one finally regained enough pieces of his will. He consciously encountered a chance to change, to allow at least the young version of himself to be free again, to live happily in the real ways that a person can be happy, in ways that did not wrench the soul. He realized he had the choice to define his god with his beliefs, rather than the other way around. He took his younger self away from a god who wished to control him, and promised to raise him as his own.

"But in the end, the cycle could not be broken, because the violence within him was his, and he would not part with it. In the end, he chose to do harm. In the end, one day, he still chose to put the pot on the stove, and pour the boiling caramel into his own cupped palms."

[cazshmere]

12th House Sign in the Natal Chart and How you can Heal and Find Closure from Past Wounds 🩵

materialist🔖

DISCLAIMER : healing is a journey, not a destination, and everyone moves at their own pace. these tips are here to give you a nudge, not to create pressure or perfection. if you’re reading this and some things resonate, that’s wonderful :) take what feels right and leave the rest. and remember, there’s no one right way to heal or find closure. it’s okay to stumble, feel lost, or take a break. trust that every small step forward, even the tiniest ones, are part of the process. be kind to yourself along the way; you’re doing the best you can 🩵

🧩 aries in the 12th house

1. you’re bold in action, but sometimes hesitant in introspection. reflect on fears you might avoid and tackle them directly, like you would any challenge.

2. pent-up frustrations weigh on your subconscious. try activities like boxing, painting, or writing letters you’ll never send.

3. give yourself time alone without needing constant action. Silence and stillness help you get in touch with buried emotions.

4. reflect on times you acted quickly and accept that growth often means making mistakes.

5. indulge in something silly, like playing a game or watching cartoons. It helps you reconnect with yourself. watching your comfort movie with your favourite snacks will surely help

HEALING TIP : try journaling with a twist : write letters to yourself from different ages, like your 5-year-old self or your future self, to see your emotions from new perspectives. this could be super cathartic for you and help you move through the hard feelings holding you back also try meditation that is targeted towards inner peace

🧩 taurus in the 12th house

1. learn to release your hold on past pain. Healing for you often means loosening your grip on comfort zones, even in memories.

2. reflect on areas where you’ve felt unappreciated, finding self-worth from within rather than external validation.

3. you resist change, so make small, gradual adjustments to your daily life that invite healing over time.

4. practice acceptance of things you cannot control or predict; even small, symbolic acts like letting go of a token can help.

5. revisit an old hobby that once brought you joy, like gardening, knitting, or cooking. it’ll remind you of your inner peace.

HEALING TIP : try a sensory grounding exercise: touch something soft, listen to calming music, and smell something grounding like lavender to soothe your mind and body. also something that can temporarily help is watching a super scary movie or just eating spicy food, it can help you distract yourself from your thoughts, at least momentarily

🧩 gemini in the 12th house

1. your mind runs fast, but your 12th house challenges you to slow down and acknowledge buried insecurities.

2. release old narratives, whether it’s past gossip, harsh words, or regrets, let go of thoughts that weigh you down. Practice rephrasing past stories with kindness.

3. try creative outlets that let you express emotions without words, like art or dance, to connect with deeper feelings.

4. when you socialize, make time for connections that feel supportive and honest, without intellectual posturing.

5. quieting your inner monologue helps you access the quiet truths below the surface. Breathing exercises can help here.

HEALING TIP : try recording voice memos on your phone when you feel overwhelmed. Sometimes saying things out loud can help you make sense of them faster than writing.

🧩 cancer in the 12th house

1. you tend to tuck away your deepest fears. Make time to reflect on past emotions without judgment or the need to ‘fix’ them.

2. address any unconscious attachment to people or situations that no longer serve you, knowing it’s okay to need change.

3. offer compassion to yourself, revisit times when you felt misunderstood or unsupported, and give your younger self the love they needed.

4. learn to let go without feeling abandoned. Spend time nurturing your sense of self apart from your relationships.

5. forgive old wounds, allow yourself to release grudges or hurts, understanding that they don’t define your future connections.

HEALING TIP : write a letter to someone from your past you’ve never fully moved on from, then release it (you don’t have to send it).

🧩 leo in the 12th house

1. step back from needing validation, explore who you are outside of praise or recognition. spend time with yourself, just being rather than performing.

2. acknowledge areas where you might have felt rejected or unappreciated. practice self-love that doesn’t rely on others’ feedback.

3. try activities where you’re a beginner. learning something new can help you find power in vulnerability.

4. let go of ego-driven fears, focus on what makes you feel genuinely fulfilled, not just admired. reframe your goals around personal joy rather than approval.

5. reclaim your authenticity by exploring what brings you joy outside of an audience, like a private creative hobby that brings you peace.

HEALING TIP : try visualising your inner child, close your eyes and picture yourself as a child full of hope and joy, and send love to that younger version of you.

🧩 virgo in the 12th house

1. acknowledge that some things don’t need fixing. practice letting go without feeling the need to control every detail.

2. practice self-compassion, allow room for mistakes and honor your efforts without focusing solely on flaws. embrace your progress, not perfection.

3. stop overanalyzing (ik it’s hard but your overthinking is what causes majority of your problems, the more you overthink the more power you’re giving to those unwanted thoughts) give your mind permission to take a break. activities like meditative gardening or painting can help soothe the inner critic.

4. connect with your intuition, trust your instincts rather than rationalizing everything. allow yourself to simply “know” without overthinking it.

5. embrace the chaos haha, let things be messy or spontaneous without judgment. Flexibility helps you grow beyond rigid expectations.

HEALING TIP : try writing a list of what you’re grateful for, it's a simple but powerful tool to shift your focus from worries to abundance.

🧩 libra in the 12th house

1. find comfort in solitude, learn to enjoy your own company, separate from others’ opinions or companionship. practice inner peace.

2. let go of past people-pleasing, allow yourself to address buried feelings of resentment that may stem from overextending for others.

3. balance your inner harmony, focus on inner alignment rather than external harmony. Journaling or meditating on your needs helps you center.

4. heal relationship wounds, reflect on past connections that left an impact. release blame, knowing each taught you something valuable.

5. set boundaries with yourself, give yourself permission to say “no” without guilt. embrace your inner balance, free from others’ demands.

HEALING TIP : you can try a heart-centered meditation to connect with self-love and release neediness for outside validation or try a balance-focused yoga routine, it can be both grounding and soothing, helping you connect with your inner equilibrium.

🧩 scorpio in the 12th house

1. embrace your emotional vulnerability, lean into your feelings without fearing loss or control. Sharing emotions helps relieve hidden weight.

2. release grudges (ik this is something hard for you but letting go is better than holding on to the things that cause you problems - forgive but don’t forget perhaps), practice forgiveness as a way of releasing old hurts that drain you.

3. face your darkest worries with courage, knowing they don’t define you. Write them down and let them go.

4. reclaim personal power, you’re literally THAT bitch don’t forget that queen, focus on how you can empower yourself from within, instead of seeking control externally.

5. trust others with your feelings when it feels right; vulnerability can be deeply healing.

HEALING TIP : you can try shadow journaling by exploring both light and dark thoughts to understand yourself more deeply or if you want something fun instead try listening to a mystery podcast or an immersive story app where you can dive into thrilling narratives. this helps you tap into your emotional depth while being entertained, offering healing through mystery and intrigue.

🧩 sagittarius in the 12th house

1. look inward for meaning, sometimes answers lie within, not in new experiences. find fulfillment in self-reflection rather than escapism.

2. explore spiritual grounding, sagittarius craves meaning, so find practices that connect you to a sense of purpose, like guided meditation.

3. release judgment and let go of self-criticism about past “mistakes.” accept that growth is a journey, not a fixed outcome.

4. embrace introspection by giving your adventurous mind permission to slow down and find contentment in stillness.

5. cultivate patience please (so so important) you may be prone to quick fixes; practice patience with yourself and your journey to healing.

HEALING TIP : start a personal travel vlog (even if it's just to document your local adventures) or use digital journaling apps to record your thoughts, dreams, and philosophical insights. It’ll allow you to process your emotions while in a fun way <3

🧩 capricorn in the 12th house

1. release pressure to always be “on”, let go of needing to achieve every moment. It’s okay to just “be” sometimes, without a goal in sight.

2. forgive your past mistakes, address any old guilt you’re holding onto. you’re allowed to grow beyond your old decisions and learn without punishment.

3. embrace vulnerability (very important) being open about your feelings doesn’t weaken you; it strengthens your ability to understand and trust yourself.

4. trust life’s timing, not everything has to be perfectly planned. lean into moments of uncertainty and find peace in simply experiencing.

5. reflect on your worth beyond productivity, spend time exploring who you are outside of what you “do” or “produce.”

HEALING TIP : try weekly self-check-ins to connect with your needs and desires, away from the hustle of daily demands.

🧩 aquarius in the 12th house

1. embrace your quirks and shadows, you have a unique mind, so allow yourself to be different even in your struggles. reflect on hidden fears and accept them.

2. let go of needing to understand everything, release the need to overanalyze or intellectualize every emotion; trust that some things are just felt, not solved.

3. balance independence with connection, don’t isolate yourself too much. healing also comes through genuine human connections.

4. explore spontaneous introspection, give yourself the freedom to meditate or journal in unconventional ways, like painting or singing.

5. lean into self-compassion, you may be hard on yourself for being “too different” or processing wounds and hurts “differently” but learn to embrace that unique perspective as your strength.

HEALING TIP : try creative expression exercises that bring your thoughts to life, like freeform art, dance, editing, posting stuff online (blogs, reels etch) or sound journaling helps too.

🧩 pisces in the 12th house

1. set healthy boundaries with emotions, your empathy can pull you into others’ feelings. spend time differentiating between your own emotions and theirs.

2. give yourself closure without finality, understand that sometimes closure isn’t perfect or neat, and let go of needing every question answered.

3. create a soothing retreat, build a healing environment, like a cozy corner or blanket fort lmao, where you can escape and connect with your inner peace.

4. release victim mentality, move beyond past hardships by reclaiming your personal power and seeing yourself as a survivor, not a sufferer.

5. TRUST. YOUR. INTUITION. you’re naturally in touch with the unseen. lean into that gift by tuning into your feelings without judgment.

HEALING TIP : create a healing playlist filled with calming music, or even soothing ASMR sounds, to help you unwind and feel safe in your own space.

© cazshmere 2024 [All Rights Reserved]

banner & pic credits to the rightful owners <3

[bucktommypositivityweek]

we're so happy to announce the prompts for bucktommy positivity week, round two (running SEPTEMBER 15th-21st)! let's kick off season 8 with a lot of hype and positivity for their relationship!! see below for the prompts:

15th - make your own season 8 opening disaster

want to speculate on how the beenado will go? want to think up something totally different? want to write the action itself, or buck and tommy decompressing at home afterwards? anything goes, but the theme of the day is canon-type season opener!

16th - scenes from a fire truck

listen, we were all hyped about that picture of the 118 and 217's engines together. what bucktommy moments could be shared from those trucks? are they sharing a stolen kiss between them? are they checking texts from each other while on shift? is one of them visiting the others' station, or do they meet out on a call?

17th - missing moments

we all felt the shortened season in s7, so why don't we try filling in some of what we didn't get to see firsthand! is it the very first moment buck and tommy met? their interactions between the coffee date and the bachelor party? how they got from steamy wedding kiss to 'come home and be with your man' level of domestic? or even conversations they had about their relationship with other people in their lives? clue us in to something that didn't appear on our screens!!

18th - supportive boyfriends

it sounds like buck's gonna be dealing with a lot at the start of s8 - good thing he has his boyfriend to lean on! for this day we want to hear anything about how buck and tommy support each other through difficult times. providing distractions, giving advice, or cathartic bitching about terrible captains or exes? what kind of situations might we find them in where they need to lean on the other person - stressful, comedic, or more!

19th - coming out scenes

want to pick a different canon moment for buck and tommy's relationship to be revealed to their teams, friends and families? were they obvious at chimney's bachelor party, or did tommy miss the wedding and buck had to reveal it some other way later? or do you want to explore their coming out stories in an au fic? surprise us!

20th - epistolary

today we're shaking things up with a different format! we want to see your fics written via texts, letters, documents, or anything epistolary. will you show us a text convo between bucktommy? a series of letters while one of them away? phone call transcripts being requisitioned for some antics? an au where they meet via correspondence somehow? bring on the creative ideas!

21st - predict the future

the news is in, and bucktommy in s8 are officially going strong and getting to know each other better! for the final day, we want to hear anything about what you think we might see from their relationship in s8 - moving in conversations? a surprise elopement? or do you think they'll be moving slower, or dealing with roadblocks in their lives? your prediction can be real or silly, whatever you want, but let's get some hype going for all the potential of things we could see on our screens this upcoming season!!

and that's it! we can't wait to see all your amazing works next week. as a last reminder, you're welcome to share fic, headcanons/metas, art, or anything else you can think of, and interpret the prompts however is most fun for you! everything goes, as long as it's a positive interpretation of buck and tommy's relationship 🧡 see you next week!

[foone]

There's an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation* where Picard and Crusher end up isolated far from the ship, together, in a dangerous situation while also slowly becoming telepathic with each other, until Crusher realizes Picard Had Always Loved Her But Never Admitted It.

And it's like, I want to say this episode some fanfic-ass-shit, right? It's a "solve the will-they-won't-they plot immediately by using Magic to force a confession". This is a tale as old as time! I think it's in like two Shakespeare plays in one form or another. But it's got the feel of fanfic because it's such a easy fan-fulfillment play that's easy and romantically cathartic to write and read.

The main reason I'm not immediately saying that, even if I may want to, is that this is Star Trek.

Half the founding fanfic tropes are exactly the kind of things that happened on Star Trek... And it's because they happened on Star Trek!

So many classic plots and settings and tropes have a real good example in a classic Star Trek episode, because Star Trek has been so influential on fanfic culture.

So you gotta be careful pointing at anything Star Trek and saying "fanfic trope", because 9 times out of 10 the only reason that trope is so common in fanfic is because Star Trek did it. They originated it or sometimes just codified it. It happens so often... It's bad odds.

Also, to be clear: I'm not saying fanfic is bad. Far from it! When I say it "feels like fanfic", I mean it feels like a specific type of fanfic: the fix-it emotional catharsis story. They finally kiss, they escape, they finally win, whatever the audience would love to see, but the ongoing show can't do because it would usually end the drama, or at least drastically shift the dynamic of the show: something they might not be able to do, mid season, in a syndicated drama!

This might be a kinda negative stereotype of fanfic, now that I think about it. Hmm.

* as always, my phone tries to predict the title as Star Trek: The Next Time, and I hope it never stops because I find that hilarious.

[lol-jackles]

Walker series finale review

It’s only been a week since Cordell nearly died and Luna died in Cassie’s arms, so their people are hard at work being there for them.  Like the start of season 3, Cordell wants everything back to the way it was and overcompensates by being extra, but his family simply want him to be in the present with them, and then take one step at the time. 

Stella tells her dad that there is no version of life where he’s being gone is better, it will just be a different kind of pain.  She gives him the letters he wrote while he was undercover in case he doesn’t make it out alive.  She and August didn’t read the letters because it came from a different version of their father and they don’t need that now.  However, perhaps Cordell do, and figures it out from there.

Despite Cordell’s assurance to Geri that the Jackal case was an “exception of exceptions”, Geri wisely tells him that there’s always going to be “the next big case” and when it happens, she wants Cordell to go to her for support.  This makes me super happy that Geri doesn’t demand that he cuts back on his work or give up his job altogether but wants to be there for him when his job inevitably gets messy again.

Cassie has to reach back to the past to galvanize herself into thinking about a different future than the one she planned with Luna and goes to the lieutenant job interview.  Trey appears to give a stronger interview, but he’s only been a ranger a short time and the job goes to Cassie.  Of course it does because they changed Cassie’s personality from Cordell-lite in season 2&3 to James-lite in season 4, so she got the lieutenant job as the newly minted female version of Larry James, who was also Cordell’s previous partner.  Anybody remember when she and Cordell tamper with evidence just to satisfy their curiosity? (X) It was actually one of my favorite scenes.

The job promotion further propels Cassie to “leap forward” into a new future.  It also means Cassie will no longer be Cordell’s partner, which is for the best because emotionally she blames him for Luna’s death even when she's concerned about Cordell and asked Geri how he is doing. Two things can be true.  I predicted a while back (looking for the specific post) that Cordell and Trey would eventually become partners and now that it’s confirmed, we are robbed of that dynamic in season 5.

August graduation party is crowded and loud and its cathartic for the audience to see everybody happy and celebrating. We even see Cassie smiling at Cordell’s toast to his son, August Edward Walker, and the rest of the family.  Here I was expecting a Shakespearean middle name for August but it’s from Emily who was a Twilight fan.  Liam and Ben declared themselves team Jacob and just like that they’re moving in together.

The party grows raucous, and Bonham and Abilene hide out in their house.  Abilene apologizes to Bonham for abandoning him while she was launching her wedding venue business and assures him that she wants to oversee and “meddle”, not deal with the bride of the week.  Nope she’s leaving bride handling to the gay guy.  Bonham compromise by keeping the boat and uses it for her events as a tax write off.  Win win!

Cordell takes a leave of absence for the summer to take August, Stella, and Geri (and a secret ring box) on a much-needed vacation, which Cassie grants on the first day of the lieutenant job because “they both need this”. A time apart from each other and away from the daily reminders will do them both good.

While the finale is a 'happy ending', there are underlying sadness that's been there since the pilot episode, starting with Cordell, then Micki, and now Cassie. Each of them has lost romantic partners to death and Cordell said time doesn't heal everything. What is unspoken is work and more work will get them through the pain of grief.

As Bonham and Abeline enjoys a boat ride and Cordell and his children and Geri head out of town, an unexpected double cliffhanger happens: Liam gets recruited by the governor for a secret job and he’s whisked away by men in black in front of the impressed Ben; the Davidson lands is sub-leased by a hippie version of SPN Lucifer, due to his all-white outfit, who is none other than Dawson Leery, played of course by a grinning James Van Der Beek!

Final score: 9.7. Point 1 deduction for each arcs we won't see in season 5: Cordell and Trey's new partnership , Liam's new job from the governor, and new neighbor cult leader Dawson Leery

[skania]

OnK Chapter 149

I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me because I’m always complaining about Aka’s writing, but…

And I mean it when I say that I expect nothing 😭 This was literally my first ever OnK-related reblog and its tags are more relevant than ever lmao

These, too:

#honestly I didn’t think too hard about any of this during my first read #because the romantic endgame seems so obvious that it kind of discourages guessing lmao #but re-reading these chapters has made me appreciate Aqua’s side of his bond with Akane a lot more

Back when I first got into OnK, I mentioned that Akane was the entire reason I kept reading the manga. I didn’t care about the romantic subplot, found Aqua/Kana extremely obvious and predictable, and Aqua plain boring.

It’s only during my second read that I paid close attention to Akane’s interactions with Aqua and I ended up playing myself into both, caring about Aqua and shipping him with Akane lol

This chapter has made me realize that despite everything, I'm not emotionally invested in whether they end up together or not. I’d prefer it, obviously, because Aqua truly is at his most interesting whenever he’s around Akane, and their dynamic has the best development in the manga (so far).

But it’s just like I said before: If they don’t end up together, that’s just Aka’s loss, not mine. I’m just here for Akane 😂

And as an Akane fan, I feel like the best thing for me to do right now is to just take a step back and watch things unfold, because Aka will do whatever he wants regardless of how any of us interpret his manga lol

So instead of posting the long post I originally wrote about this chapter when the leaks came out, I'll just share a a clown gif because in hindsight it was silly of me to expect Kana out of all people to have any sort of meaningful insight into Aqua 🤡

And a couple of things that caught my eye because I can't help myself:

Kana didn't even see Aqua and Akane have any sort of meaningful moment, just those two standing in each other's vicinity was enough to make her throw herself a pity party. How many more times is she going to pity herself and give up? How has Aka not tired of writing her this way? Where did her development from the Scandal arc go? 🤡

So Chapter 147 featured Kamiki thinking Ai doesn't love him and Kana thinking Aqua likes her. It even had a helpful "Cut 139: Misunderstanding" panel and everything. Will this mean something? Who knows!

Kana used guilt-trip! It was super effective!

Oh the irony! Poor Akane looks like she's been hard at work convincing herself that she's over Aqua. And you know what? I cheer for her and respect her energy 100%. I'd rather see her doing her mightiest to help him without any ulterior motives than to have her crying for him and hoping to get back with him every other chapter lol

Akane calling Kana out for her pity-party and for being cowardly was so cathartic that if I didn't already stan her, I'd have become a fan right now 😭 It also means that Aka is 100% aware of the way he writes Kana, so when will she finally be allowed to grow?

Kana's praise to Akane made me so sad though because yes, Akane is pretty and she's talented and she's kind. That's sweet of her to say. But that's not what made Akane someone special to Aqua: it was the way she understood him. The worst part is that Kana ends her praise by saying that Akane is a "goody-two-shoes" but... that's the opposite of how Akane views herself. She sees herself as someone who's not decent and not normal. So it's no wonder that while she gets flustered (it's her dear kana-chan praising her), she seems to get a bit sad/frustrated afterward. After all, for Akane it's probably the opposite. Men would prefer a decent, normal, bright girl like Kana - Aqua included.

I wish someone would tell Akane that she is too ignorant of her own charms and that she doesn't have to act like an adult all the time. Truly the pot calling the kettle black! Sadly, unlike Kana, Akane seems to have no one in her corner in this manga. Aqua was the only one there and the poor guy is barely even a character anymore lol

Overprotective mother or controlling ex-girlfriend? Take your pick!

The English translation left something pretty important out in these panels. Akane doesn't just say "if you have a girlfriend", she says "if you have a precious/important girlfriend". This distinction is very important because it goes to show that... as expected, Akane doesn't think she was an important girlfriend to Aqua. It's like she didn't count and Kana would be the real deal. Oh, Akane...

Which takes me to her very silly, very convoluted yet very predictable plan (in true Aka fashion).

When Akane thinks “I know exactly what you hate”, I imagine she means that Aqua hates hurting and endangering those he cares for. So I'm guessing Akane thinks that if she plays matchmaker and quite literally throws Kana at him, someone he has a soft spot, then Aqua won't be able to go through with his revenge because that would mean breaking Kana's very fragile heart.

In other words, it looks like Akane is going to try and use Aqua's guilt-complex against him and her weapon of choice is love. But not her love, obviously, because as far as she's concerned, her romantic love already failed to save him.

Granted, using Kana's romantic feelings to her advantage is kind of... well, wrong. To quote Akane herself, [Kana] is neither her pet nor her property, but a person. But I'm guessing that Akane may be falling victim to the same loophole she got caught in in Chapters 96 - 98. She thinks she knows what's best, so she's putting her own beliefs aside for the time being.

Kind of like Aqua, actually.

And, ironically, it's Aqua himself who first realized how easy Kana is to use.

So! All in all, I'm here for Mastermind!Akane but I hope that Aka will actually make it worth our while. Will Kana realize that she's about to be used as a chess piece in this Proxy War? Who knows, characters in this manga seem to walk in circles, only being allowed to grow when it fits the plot 😂

Last week we wondered whether Aka would subvert expectations or go the predictable route, and down the predictable route he went. His way of making it less predictable is by including a twist in the form of Akane's ulterior motives, but will this be enough to allow this ol' used trope to lead us someplace new? I guess we'll have to keep reading to find out, but given the quality of the writing lately, I'm not expecting much lol

[alchely]

Finally finished Redheaded Stepchildren by ZebraWallpaper, what a masterful story, amazing writing.

Summary: Debbie and Lip's relationship with Ian as seen through their POV after the ending of season 4.

Took a long ass break at the beginning of the second part of the series cause Lip and Fiona are... something in this fic but I decided to get over it and just finish it.

Some things to say about this fic:

It feels dark, like S4 kind of "oh you've hit rock bottom? Let me get a shovel" kinda dark, especially in Lip's POV.

It was written before S5 even aired and yet it somehow predicted character arcs from S5,S6,S7 and beyond with an accuracy that borders on prophetic lol, a mindfuck to read.

If you like Lip, like...really like Lip you will not have a good time with him in this fic.

His opinions of Mickey and Ian's situation in this story is out of this world cruel and while it makes for one of the most cathartic beatdowns I've ever had the privilege of reading, it still means you have to get through all the buildup to it as well.

[hillbilly---man]

A list of my works on AO3

(they're all Saiki K fics at the moment but I'll add fandom categories to this post if I ever get a new interest lol)

It doesn't fit my plans; it's something I don't understand

Published July 11, 2021

Summary: Saiki is fascinated by Satou Hiroshi, and the people around him start to see that this might be more than just a platonic curiosity.

What is this feeling called love?

[Notes: Bittersweet ending. Nobody gets together. My insistence on theming these early fics after songs is pretty embarrassing now. I'm not proud of my writing here but the story is ok. I might rewrite it someday. Not bad for my first fic since like 2003 though]

Something Changed

Published August 11, 2021

Summary: Aiura wrote a letter to her soulmate the night before they were supposed to meet.

She's predicted a lot of things... how could she have gotten this one wrong?

[Notes: Another sad ending. The format of this is almost entirely an excited letter about the future Aiura imagined that would never come to pass. Not really much of a story happening here tbh]

Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?

Published August 28, 2021 (INCOMPLETE)

Summary: With graduation quickly approaching, the psychics of PK Academy (and Akechi) worry that they'll drift apart. Luckily, they come up with an idea.

"Let's all meet up in the year 2030!"

A lot can change in a decade.

[Notes: Kind of like a psychicker class reunion where they're all adults with jobs and everything catching up. Future chapters were going to have almost a Scooby Doo vibe (with a twist reveal at the end about Aiura's husband!) I abandoned it because I posted some art and someone called my art creepy and it made the whole fic feel bad to think about. Maybe I'll get back to it someday. It's cool to see how quickly my writing improved. I was also super proud of how well I wrote Akechi's dialogue here]

Hotel Valentine

Published September 24, 2021

Summary: Toritsuka Reita is a pretty lucky guy. He somehow managed to not get expelled from PK Academy, he graduated, and he's avoided creeping on any living girls for a few months. To celebrate, the PK Psychics paid for a one-night stay in the fanciest hotel in Tokyo so Reita can creep on the ghost girl of his dreams. Pretty lucky, right?

Too bad things aren't going his way. He's being ignored by the staff, he's bored out of his mind, and he can't find the ghost girl anywhere. Some vacation, huh?

[Notes: Spoiler: Toritsuka's a ghost stuck in a nice hotel. This is based on a concept album that most of you have never heard but hear me out! It really has nothing to do with the Cibo Matto album of the same title except that the chapters are named after the songs and there are fun Easter eggs for fans of the album. Another slightly sad ending but not too bad]

Coffee & TV

Published August 27th, 2022

Summary: The new silence in her house felt heavy on Kumi's shoulders. Everything reminded her of Kumagoro... especially her grandson Kusuo, who has been coming to visit more often than ever before.

[Notes: this is my least popular finished fic and I understand why. It's about grief and the loss of a grandparent. It's about the unique pain that a psychic would have after failing to prevent that death. There's a sad twist that TBH I think I was a little too subtle with. One of my favorites]

Friendly Fire

Published January 8, 2023

Summary: Being an adult is great until the Problems start. Good grief.

30-year-old Kusuo's psychic powers have been pretty well controlled for over a decade. Why are things starting to go haywire all of a sudden?

[Notes: Friendly Fire my fucking beloved!! In this fic, Saiki gets essentially psychic multiple sclerosis and has to deal with some complicated emotions. I don't think it's a masterpiece or anything but it was cathartic to write and I'm in love with the versions of these characters that I wrote here. So much so that I'm writing a sequel just so I can write more of them. Also, FINALLY a happy ending!!]

Ramen Ikouze?

Published April 28, 2023

Summary: After being dragged to get ramen with Nendou every week, Kusuo starts to realize that it's not so bad after all.

[Notes: I love Nendou, he's so good. This fic is very cute and about their friendship. A couple of fun twists]

Saiki has Plans?

Published May 2, 2023

Summary: Saiki mentions having plans after school, and the overactive imaginations at PK Academy work themselves into a fuss trying to imagine what he could be doing.

[Notes: This fic follows around a bunch of Saiki's classmates as they gossip and snoop to find out what he's up to. It's my most popular fic for some reason]

A Bright Flash

Published May 13, 2023

Summary: Saiki develops an annoying new ability, and through some comedy series logic is forced to tell Teruhashi about it. She tries to be a good ally to her "newly psychic" crush.

[Notes: Teruhashi accidentally finds out about Saiki's new power and he's like "fine. I'm a psychic. But it's just this one power and nothing else."]

Heat Wave

Published June 6, 2023

Summary: There's a historic heat wave in Hidariwakibara, and some of our favorite PK Academy students end up running into each other while taking refuge from the hot weather.

A series of four standalone (but connected) stories taking place at the same time:

Aiura has a vision of disaster, and she and Nendou try to stop it

Yumehara gives Toritsuka some advice to improve his game

Akechi meets Teruhashi's brother

Saiki really wants some shaved ice from the kakigori stand where Mera is working

[Notes: The summary explains it well but also I weaved so many connections between the chapters (that are all happening at roughly the same time). It was also a lot of fun writing interactions between characters that didn't get much in canon. Also you can tell it was hot as hell when I wrote it because I definitely gave Saiki some kind of psychic heat intolerance lol]

Immunity

Published July 6, 2023

Summary: She didn't know why, but Kokomi was finally able to see the truth.

Why Saiki seemed to appear and disappear without explanation. Why it seemed like he always knew what she was planning. Why he wore those weird hairpins.

It was all so obvious now.

Saiki had psychic powers.

[Notes: The veil is lifted suddenly and all the truths that Saiki kept locked behind his mind control were revealed to Teruhashi. He and Aiura have a chat with her about it. Also this was the first fic of mine that an IRL friend read (to my knowledge) and his comment was something like "I don't know anything about your boy but he sounds autistic and gnc" and I took that as a fucking compliment! You know you've written Saiki right when people can see that shit from space]

The Disastrous Financial Situation of Saiki K

Published August 9, 2023 (IN PROGRESS)

Summary: Adjusting to his new limitations has been annoying, and now Kusuo (age 31) needs a car to get around.

Unfortunately, taking time off work has drained his savings.

How is he going to get the money for a car now?

[Notes: This is my sequel to Friendly Fire but it's a lot lighter in nature. 100-Yen-Man goes around doing stuff for Saiki's friends. There are mentions of his disability from Friendly Fire and it's plot relevant but I think you can catch on even if you didn't read the original. I haven't updated in a while but I am actively working on it!! A Yumehara and Makino chapter next and then a Toritsuka chapter after that. TBH this isn't my best work and it's pretty unpopular but I'm having fun and that's all that counts)

[bethanydelleman]

okok i was reading ur "why u should read ___" posts and it made me think of the time a friend recommended i read sense&sensibility bc she knew i was always complaining abt being a 'third parent' bc of being the eldest daughter and she was like "i think the book will speak to u on a certain level" and to this day the dashwoods' trials and triumphs are my most stressful and cathartic reread lolol. so i thought it would be cool to ask u since ur into jane austen PLUS have a cognitive neuroscience bg: what do u think a person's favorite austen novel (or heroine! or hero!) says about them? the more absurdly detailed you can get (once i saw a post "what ur favorite [tv show] character says abt u" that predicted the kinds of grades u got lmao) the better🤣

I don't think your favourite novel (Austen or otherwise) says anything about you.

My best friend is a very nice person and an accountant, she loves reading bloody thrillers and mystery novels. She ranks her favourites by body count. My favourite novel is The Fairy Godmother by Mercedes Lackey and my favourite Austen novel is Mansfield Park. I like the magical world-building in the first and the characterization in the second. I don't think either says anything about me personally (other than that I have good taste, lol). As much as my friends may joke about it, the person I married isn't even a little like my favourite character Henry Crawford.

Sometimes people really like characters that are a lot like them, but sometimes they hate them. I honestly think a lot of hate for Marianne Dashwood and Catherine Morland is people not wanting to remember when they were a dramatic or naive teenager. I personally really enjoy reading from the perspective of someone who is very dissimilar to me, like Fanny Price. It helps build empathy.

I think what most people enjoy in fiction and in real life can be very different. I made a Venn diagram recently of my three favourite TV shows and apparently what I love the most is murderous women, enemies to lovers, and people who want to die but can't because of magic and then rediscover meaning in life. I don't think that means anything, it's just something I enjoy in fiction.

That said, if you relate to Elinor Dashwood and reading Sense & Sensibility is cathartic, that's great! Enjoy! Jane Austen writes great relatable characters.

[johannestevans]

What are your favourite kinks to write?

It depends massively on my mood - obviously I write my favourite kinks most of all: cum inflation, stuffing, size difference, knotting, wing kink, etc. I really love spanking, although I just haven't been as much in the mood to write it of recent - I haven't written it as much but I love lactation, I love breast expansion, and I love in general like, various kinds of body modification, especially semi or non-consensual bodymodding to make someone more desirable or usable as a sexual object.

In general, I like situations where the consent is complex? Like, sure, a straight forward smut scene where it's one person putting the other under blatant duress, holding them captive, etc, but like... What's really fun and satisfying is a situation where the consent is hugely situational, where people want to take it away and then give it again, when a lot of it's contextual, when there's layer on layer of manipulation, etc.

I think especially as a rape victim but also like, a victim of sexual abuse as a child, and significantly of different forms of grooming and manipulation, I find a lot of satisfaction in the intrigue of a multi-layered situation, characters who delude themselves into thinking they're in control or have a modicum of it when they don't, characters who give up their control because it means they have something else that makes them feel safer - pleasure, predictability, consistency, etc - and so on.

But at the end of the day, Patreon massively restricts a lot of complicated consent scenarios, and not only do they restrict what I publish on my own Patreon, they've been known to take down people's accounts for posting objectionable content on other platforms, and they consider a load of shit to be "glorifying" rape and sexual violence that's not. I actually put up a consensual non-consent piece the other day that I did put up on Medium but now just don't mention on Patreon and won't appear in my directory there.

There's a lot more stuff I just straight up won't write and probably never will, at least not until I can go about my life not relying on Patreon at all.

Patreon is my main source of income, and so I don't actually play with a lot of fuckier aspects of consent even though they're really rewarding and like... really cathartic for me as a victim, not to mention hotter from a kink perspective? It's all about the complete loss of control and the complete overwhelming nature of the transformation, the sexuality, the pleasure, etc, and all its impacts.

But you know. We're all beholden to fundamentalist American Christians and their impact on payment providers that are anti-kink, anti-sex, and want to ensure that victims of sexual violence have no outlet or ability to voice their feelings, because our voices and artistic expression are threatening to the culture of sexual violence that's endemic to their ideology and way of life.

It is what it is.

[sapphosdickandballs]

Amy new OC stuff queen? 👀

I’m trying to figure out how I want a major story point to go. Firstly, you’re gonna need some maya backstory.

Maya’s mom is terminally ill with a rare disease. She’s one of the only members of the siren species with this kind of illness, and the only one to have lived as long as she has after being diagnosed (10 years so far) she is barely able to breathe, let alone swim, so she stays in their cove most of the time. 

Since they don’t know what causes this illness, Maya has convinced herself that she will get it too at the same age as her mom (her mom was in her twenties when she got sick) so she has a very devil may care attitude. She does whatever she wants since she figures she won’t be alive to reap the consequences. She also goes through life trying to bond with as few people as possible (Jack managed to grasp her despite that but she still has some walls up with them despite being friends for many years) because she is scared deep down of having to leave them.

Copied from my notes so if there’s mistakes it’s a less sexy version of me that did it. Anyway! Her and Jack are gonna go do Things throughout the story, and I’m thinking a big story point could be that something happens with her mom and she has to go back home. The thing is I can’t decide if I want to kill her mom or make her better. Lemme describe my thought process and then I’d like y’all’s input

Pros for killing her - I’d get to put Grief into my story and I do kinda wanna write that, I think it’d be cathartic maybe, and just overall good for the story and the development of the characters. Plus it would prolly be more realistic.

Pros for curing her - I think it would be a little less predictable, I’d get to write Maya realizing her actions kinda have more consequences than she was ready for, she could grapple with like “oh my moms okay I should be relieved why aren’t I”

I feel like either could work but I CANNOT decide so.

@foxonrollerskates @pulim-v y’all are interested in my ocs right. What is y’all’s opinion?

[the-hype-dragon]

Books I Read in September

The Compass Rose by Ursula K. Le Guin - 5/5

Collection of short stories, some dystopian sci-fi, some speculative fiction, a couple of fantasy, and some of them are really funny; I really enjoyed most of them. Probably my favorites were "The Pathways of Desire," "The Wife's Story," "The Author of the Acacia Seeds," "The White Donkey," "The Diary of the Rose," "Gwilan's Harp," and "Sur." Le Guin has become one of my favorite authors this year. I recommend picking this book up or at least reading of some of the stories online if you're able, they were all pretty solid.

Deerskin by Robin McKinley - 5/5, reread

One of my all-time favorite books and my favorite McKinley book. Not an easy read but very cathartic. The ending makes me cry every time.

Her Smoke Rose Up Forever by James Tiptree, Jr. aka Alice Sheldon - 4/5

All I can say is, I'm amazed anyone thought she was a man, especially after dropping "The Women Men Don't See." Kind of a weird pick but the story that stuck with me the most was "The Man Who Walked Home," about a man trapped between times, pretty eerie. "The Girl Who was Plugged In" kind of predicts influencer culture funnily enough, while presenting the sort of nightmare scenario that would probably realistically arise in a trans-humanist cyberpunk future. Overall I liked this collection and I came away from it with another new favorite writer. However Sheldon was very frank about things such as sex, assault, misogyny, death, etc. so definitely not for everyone.

I also attempted to read Patricia Bray's Devlin's Luck but got less than 50 pages into it before calling it quits. didn't like the writing style, everything and everyone felt very lifeless

anyway. on to October

[st-just]

Opinions on the novel and novella categories excluding Elder Race?

Okay so, uh, 3 months late finally answering this (sorry - but I DID read Elder Race in the meantime!)

So, novels-

A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine The central metaphor of how an empire can only understand something by consuming/assimilating it into itself was imo well-done, one of the better uses of a hive mind alien I've seen in a while. Mahit and (especially) Three Seagrass continue to be delightful. The whole palace drama plot in the City leaned a biiiiiit too close to 'the Empress is just and good! Sadly scheming ministers and self-interested officials have attempted to mislead her for their own ends' for my tastes, which absolutely made me start rooting for scheming vizer guy out of spite. Still kind of confused what happened to the Judiciary Minister who vanished 2/3 of the way into the first book without comment. Excellent read, would recommend

The Galaxy, and the Ground Within by Becky Chambers Absolutely my favorite thing Chambers has written, but that is a very low bar. There were a few pages of actual interpersonal conflict that wasn't just a silly misunderstanding! (Even if they had apologized and agreed to disagree by the end of the next chapter). In principle I approve of any sci fi with no human characters in major roles. Aeleon demography continues to give me a headache (how do you spend so much time on worldbuilding and just mess up the basic math?) - though honestly Pei's whole conflict over the societal expectation to have a kid would have had a bit more tension/drama to it in a setting where her species was legitimately endangered and at risk of extinction (the sheer angst potential!) Anyway, yeah, well-executed but Not For Me.

Light From Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki I did, uh, not much like this book. In a 'spent a couple hours cathartically ranting about it on discord after finishing it' sort of way. The central romance didn't work, every character arc was perfectly predictable, the whole incessantly hammered home bit about the magic and wonder of home-cooked food just makes me want to gag, I can kind of see what Aoki was going for with the sci fi half of the worldbuilding but it just didn't work at all, and so on. Still not entirely sure what to make of the fact that if you did the 0.5 degree shift necessary to turn the finale into a Christian morality play the quirky alien family plays an identical structural role to where the angels would be. The cursed/demonic-violin repair lady was fun, though.

A Master of Djinn by P. Djèlí Clark This was fun! Nothing hugely ground-breaking and extremely trope-ey, but in a good way? Like the process was clearly 'buddy cop story in into steampunk urban fantasy Cairo' more than anything that evolved naturally out of the characters or setting. But like, eh? The finale involved a giant robot controlled by enslaved ifrit and a mad sorceress trying to restore the British empire attacking the city, nuance and subtlety clearly weren't the goals here. The central mystery was barely a mystery, though. You could pick out the villain by the end of the first act like three or four different ways. Still, yeah, great time. Very pulpy.

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir If you don't know that this is by the The Martian guy going in, it will be extremely clear by the time you're 50 pages in. It's a writing style with a real personality bleeding through - if you don't like it, the book will I'm sure be torture. But anyway, I'm a sucker for first contact stories and properly weird but still sympathetic and agentic aliens, and that's the beating heart of the story so I mean, of course I enjoyed it. The science also all seemed plausible/not-obvious-bullshit to me, and Weir did a really good job of getting tension and drama without ever making anyone a villain, with all the threats being faced being natural/environmental. Fun read, assuming very high tolerance for technobabble and also magic amnesia that you don't apply anywhere near the standards of the rest of the books' science to.

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan I mean the whole premise of 'mythic/low-fantasy retelling of the founding of the Ming dynasty but with lesbians' feels like what you'd get if you simmered down my reading consumption of the last year or two and poured out the reduction. So like, yeah, of course I liked it! Probably would have been my vote for winner, though not at all sad that Desolation got it instead. As a character type, I really, really love the whole 'arranges everything to work out perfectly through desperate, furious scheming, then absolutely never breaks character and insists it must be providence and they're but a simple monk/scholar/whatever" so Zhu's whole bit there was just catnip to me. The whole melodrama in the mongol court was great, too. And how can you not love a book that ends with the heroine murdering the messiah in cold blood?

novellas-

Across the Green Grass Fields by Seanan McGuire The only other thing I'd read by McGuire before this was Middlegame, which may have given me unrealistic expectations but, like, this was fine? Or, like, I get the sense that this is very much a YA/Middle-grade book, insofar as it really feels like the literary equivalent of a tv special you'd watch with your kid niece and nephew because hey, it's not painful for you or anything? Really funny that this exists entirely independently of the apparently-a-real-thing cartoon Centaurworld, though.

Elder Race by Adrian Tchaikovsky This was fun classic sci fi. Like, really classic - I kind of thought 'fantasy setting that's secretly a post-apocalyptic sci fi setting where all the 'magic' and 'monsters' are just poorly understood hypertech' went of fashion with the millennium. Anyway I adore things that play with POV and have different people see the same events and process/interpret them radically differently, so the whole book was catnip that way, and it managed to authentically feel like just a small slice of a vaster, weirder universe, and both deuteragonists really work for me. Don't have a solid pick for my preferred winner but this is one of the two I'm torn between.

Fireheart Tiger by Aliette de Bodard First and so far only thing by de Bodard I've read, which I should probably fix given how big a name she is. Anyway, this was fun! Nothing too groundbreaking, but that is 100% down to my reading habits rather than, like, 'lesbian court drama in a fantasy analogue of an asian country under threat of colonization' is an over-filled niche, or anything (really the only surprising thing was that I hadn't read this already).

The Past Is Red by Catherynne M. Valente The other one I might have voted for. On the level of stories she's a bit hit and miss but on the sentence-to-sentence and paragraph-to-paragraph levels Valente is seriously one of my favorite writers working, and this was no exception. Just an absolute delight to read. Also, 'post-apocalyptic magical realism on the city-sized garbage heap floating in the ocean populated by a culture of survivors after the world drowned' is just a great premise. And my shriveled husk of a soul appreciates just committing to the character study and the ruin and the elegy without giving into the urge to make a grand redemptive quest of it all.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers I, uh, liked this significantly less than Galaxy and the Ground Within. Utopias are basically necessarily didactic but, like, you really don't have to lean all the way into literally having the heart of the story be conversations between the protagonist and a sacred and innocent alien whose always correct about everything. Also the whole 'we 100% could be immortal but we chose not to because, like, nature or something. Aren't we so amazing?' thing with the robots is bullshit. Which, combined with the entire aesthetic of the world just left be feeling peevish and asking questions which really weren't the point (Where are the mines? The foundries? You can't make solar panels or modern antibiotics in a basement workshop! And you sure as hell can't cobble together and repair fully mobile and sapient robots in a cave with a box of scraps.)

A Spindle Splintered by Alix E. Harrow So it's not that this was bad, exactly. But, like, I feel like it should have come out sometime in the '90s? (Okay without the explicitly gay bits but that's a matter of a few sentences tbh). Like, the deadline for metafictional feminist retellings of classic fairtails being genuinely novel or subversive was sometime before Disney got in on the game, sorry. Also, like, I'm sure it's just down to me being a weird morbid kid, but the whole shocking revelation about how fucked up the original Sleeping Beauty myth is was, like, something I knew before I hit puberty? Only other thing of Harrow's I've read was the Ten Thousand Door's of January and I'm really, really disappointed comparing them, honestly. (Also, as a general rule I dislike anything where it's very clear whether you're supposed to like or trust a character from the scene they're introduced and this is never wrong)

In other categories L’Esprit de L’Escalier should obviously have one novelette, "Where Oaken Hearts Do Gather" short story, Terra Ignota series, and Monstress comic, based off the foolproof criteria of 'those are the ones I've read'

[the-meat-machine]

what's your thoughts on most of caliborn's ships (like him with all/any of the alpha kids, his sister, the handmaid, etc) ((feel free to choose any of the ones you rarely talk about, I genuinely wanna hear your thoughts.))

oh heck yes let's see

dirk

i don't think i need to elaborate on how much i love this ship seeing as i'm currently writing a fucking novel about them. though i will mention that this is a ship that i ship in two totally different ways - "predictably, they make each other worse" and "against all odds, they make each other better". two delicious flavors with very different moods

jane

this could be a really fun kismesissitude! jane despises him, and for good reason - he's absolutely vile towards her. but honestly, i think it could be cathartic for her to have an acceptable target to take out all of her frustrations on

they'd have to be on an equal footing though, with jane able to get one over on caliborn at least as often as he triumphs over her. which might be kind of a tough sell, since caliborn is genuinely extremely threatening. he's on a whole other level from most characters in this story

(kind of a side note, but this power imbalance is an issue for most caliborn relationships unless you're looking for tragedy or whump where caliborn just straight-up slaughters the other person in the end. caliborn is a total idiot, but he is so damn effective at achieving his goals that it's basically impossible to get the better of him in the long term. he may lose individual battles, but he will never, ever lose the war. pretty much the only way i've found to resolve this in more light-hearted works is to change the rules of the game that caliborn has decided he's playing.)

jake

another fun one. i think that jake is one of the few people who could actually be capable of throwing caliborn off. i want to see caliborn baffled and infuriated by seeing this weenie accomplish the literally impossible with his bullshit hope powers. i want to see jake inspired to step up his game in order to show this cad who's boss! i want jake to either fucking hope caliborn into a better person, or cheerfully steamroll him while acting like it's nothing

jake absolutely has the capability to keep caliborn on the defensive buried somewhere deep inside him. now, can he believe in himself long enough to exercise it? who knows! (but… maybe caliborn wants him to believe in himself enough for that. maybe he wants to see what jake could do if he really let loose. maybe he wants to build him up into a worthy opponent. fuck i love pitch/pale vacillation.)

roxy

i... don't think i've ever seen this ship, actually. maybe not that surprising since they never actually talk to each other in canon. i'm not so sure about this one - roxy hates caliborn, but not in a sexy way, and it's all driven by her care for calliope. you could maybe go in some kinda dark direction where she's hunting him down to get revenge for calliope but starts kind of guiltily getting off on it? hm

john

i'm including this one mostly because i think it could be intriguing, but i haven't given it enough thought to really have a feel for their dynamic. my gut says it could be an interesting kismesissitude, though. give john something to focus on other than moping around all depressed. and his retcon powers pose a genuine threat to caliborn, so that's something

dave

please don't subject dave to caliborn

damara

this one i think is funny because damara worships lord english. she longs to serve him. but imagine her meeting caliborn and realizing that this wretched little shit is her god. holy shit would she be pissed. hilarious.

i also have an au where caliborn, damara, and meenah are "friends", by which i mean they're always hanging out together for some reason even though they all openly despise each other. fun dynamic

bro

this has the potential to be both hilarious and incredibly fucked up. bro meets the guy behind his best puppet bro. does he like cal as much when he's not plush? (no.) does he feel used? is he even capable of realizing that what he's feeling is "used"? didn't he want to be used? (...did he ever really stop to wonder what he was being used for, until now?)

also caliborn would just flat-out think bro is smokin' hot. the ideal man. it don't get better than this.

-----------

and then, finally. the big one. the most important caliborn ship. yes, way more important than dirkuu:

calliope

yin and yang. two halves of a whole. they define each other. they need each other. they need each other to die. their relationship is foundational for both characters and they were absolutely both horny about it. this is canon i stg

very, very difficult to turn into a long-term relationship, however, because caliborn will always, always, truly and genuinely, want calliope dead, even as he craves her, even as he envies everything that she has and he never will have. the tragedy of their relationship is that they need each other, deeply and utterly, but they cannot both survive.

and in canon, caliborn wins! he achieves his biggest goal! he eliminates calliope for good! ...and then as lord english he spends untold eternities literally chasing her ghost. and he can tell himself it's because she's a threat to him, which of course she is. but... would he really have anything left to live for if she wasn't out there, somewhere, to be his white whale?

[softpromise]

20 questions

how many works do you have on ao3? 11 works!

what's your total ao3 word count? 385,785?! wow

what fandoms do you write for? i have primarily published for zelda and one fic for honkai star rail, i've been working on a number of genshin impact fics but we'll see if i ever finish any haha. i miss the days when i could get myself to just post chapters as i wrote them but now i feel like i have to have all or a significant amount done before publishing :')

what are your top 5 fics by kudos? to hold the sun (zelink, complete), pawn structure (zelink, complete), i could only have you in my dreams (danstelle, slowly whittling away at another chapter), thunderstruck (zelink, complete), all in a day's work (working on a re-write!)

do you respond to comments? always and i feel guilty if it takes me too long to respond!! writing fanfiction is fun and cathartic but the reason i publish it is to talk to people about it. please comment on fanfic and feel free to respond again when/if authors reply - it's one of my favorite things!

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ummm i'd have to say i could only have you in my dreams but that's mostly because it's "unfinished" as it stands right now. i love reading and writing angst in a fic but i'm too baby to give something an actually angsty ending :x

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? EVERYTHING ELSE but maybe to avoid a cliche (zelink, complete) because the entire thing was a cliche and predictable and i just wanted it to feel cozy

do you get hate on fics? umm i'm sure i have but i don't really dwell on it. if someone's hating on skill, go off, i'm not a writing major and i'm publishing fics for free. if they want to hate on content/themes, different strokes for different folks. if they think i've done something "wrong", then i'd much rather they bring it to my attention respectfully so i can do better and learn. but at the end of the day, fanfiction is for fun, and i publish things i love and am proud of, and i've been lucky to receive a warm reception!

do you write smut? if so, what kind? absolutely i do! i feel like what i've published is on the kinkier end of the spectrum for a more vanilla reader, but on the vanilla end for a more seasoned reader. i like playing with power dynamics and desperation and worship/infatuation/obsession.

do you write crossovers? if so, what's the craziest one you've written? i haven't, and i don't know that i would! i really like coming up with plots that rely heavily on canon (even if it's just in my own way lol), and struggle with writing concepts that don't. i'm not sure i could get myself to write a crossover, unless it somehow still felt possible within canon!

have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge!

have you ever had a fic translated? i haven't! i'm working on a specific fic that i'd love to have translated into ukrainian eventually, so if there's anyone reading this that might be able to help, hit me up!

have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! to hold the sun with @obsidiangst and @hyperphonic, and pawn structure with hyperphonic. i learned so much through both experiences (and, yes, i'm tagging you both to do this xo)

what's your all-time favorite ship? easily zelink, i've loved them ever since i was a kid. it's the pure love, the cyclical romances, the trauma and the angst and the slow burn... and the forever and ever and ever. i've been really into chilumi lately too - the dynamic of "more than meets the eye" childe and "aloof intergalactic goddess that cares, believe it or not" lumine. i just love pining hahaha

what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? *looks at wips folder* all?!?!?!?! just kidding (?). i'm really not sure! i did start a midzel piece a long time ago, inspired by carmilla, and i don't know that i'll pick that one up again. maybe i'll try to polish up what i have and put out a one shot instead of the slowburn longfic i wanted to do :')

what are your writing strengths? the easiest thing for me to sit down and write through to completion (pun very much intended) is smut! that's very often the part i finish first, while doing everything else in bits and pieces. i'm generally going for sexy but artsy, with the right mix (for me!) of blunt words and prose. i also feel that i'm good at characterizations that align with/expand upon canon.

what are your writing weaknesses? i definitely struggle with getting all of my thoughts onto the page, and i often have to read and re-read and RE-re-read to see if what i wrote makes sense (i.e. i didn't forget to include anything critical because my brain assumes it's already there). lately i've been having trouble with really connecting to writing, too, which makes the text feel shallow to me. working on being patient and writing one good sentence at a time!

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? i love the idea and have a lot of thoughts so let me try to summarize! logistically, i would do it either in brackets (a la to hold the sun) or italics (if it was like a particular phrase in an otherwise english line) or just mention it, depending on the context. creatively, though, to me it's important (and fun!) to start by researching the culture. i also would be more comfortable including specific phrases/pet names rather than entire bouts of dialogue, unless i found a native speaker to help me!

first fandom you wrote for? zelda HAHA if i ever wrote any fanfic before that i don't remember it!

favorite fic you've ever written? hylia's greatest gift. it was something i felt was missing in the fandom, for a lot of reasons, and i think it represents what i'm best at writing as well as what i want to read. it's funny, it's lovely, it's sexy, and i really put no pressure on myself while writing it. i have something upcoming that can hopefully feel similar to me :)

thank you so much to @1up-girl for tagging me, i had so much fun reading your answers and then thinking through them myself! to anyone else reading, if you want to fill this out, consider yourself tagged - share your brain and @ me so i can read!!