#kind of like today if you think abt it
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Filbrick doesnt have to be a mustache twirling bad guy to be an asshole
Okay so CW for talk abt child abuse and shitty parenting
The interesting thing about filbrick is that the way stan describes him is the way a lot of boomers describe their parents.
The parents of boomers belonged to "the silent generation", they were people who went through generational traumas like. The great depression and ww2. These were people with lots of trauma and no therapy so they got to pass it down to their kids yay!
Also parenting styles were different then, and during the 50s/and The Post War Conformity and 60s: children were not largely acknowledged as their own people. They were raised to be mini versions of their parents, there was not a consideration for a child as an individual.
So Filbrick was a bad parent, yes. But he was also in a Context where what we consider to be child abuse was normalized.
Theres a tendency to make things 1 dimensional and say an abusive person always has to have the full intention to hurt someone just to hurt them and must be purely evil and set to torture with no love at all.
But like, the way Filbrick acted towards his sons was likely considered unfortunately normal or even Good. He may have even loved them in the way he knew how or was supposed to, but that doesnt mean he couldnt also do hurtful or even abusive things.
And that probably actually makes it worse for Stan and Ford. If someone does a thing that hurts you and you Know that something was wrong, you can at least feel rightfully angry about it.
If its normalized then you dont get that catharsis. You are left thinking that what happened to you was the way it was supposed to be. Filbrick doesnt need to be extremely abusive to have hurt his kids, he might even have loved them. But that doesnt mean he didnt hurt them too! If he did or did not makes little difference.
#gravity falls#ford pines#stan pines#filbrick pines#cw child abuse#they Did have a concept of what child abuse was back then but it was only thought of in the most extreme and physical examples#kind of like today if you think abt it
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you know, i can handle a little bit of fun "Nandor is dumb" talk, but i have a net-zero tolerance for any implication that Nandor is not educated.
Nandor would have been incredibly educated in his lifetime.
even (or especially) as a soldier in the Islamic World. being a soldier was more like getting sent to boarding school that's also a military camp. they weren't just concerned with creating loyal fodder for war. they were building the next government officials, generals, accountants, advisors, etc. it was important that young men knew how to read, write, speak multiple languages, learn philosophy...sometimes even studying art and music was mandatory.
if he was nobility (and its most likely he was), take all that shit and multiply it exponentially. Nandor would have been reading Plato at the same age most people are still potty training. he would have been specifically groomed in such a way to not be just a brilliant strategist and warrior, but also diplomate and ambassador of literally the center of scientific and cultural excellence of the age.
so like yeah, he can be a big dummy sometimes, sure. but that bitch is probably more educated than any of us will ever be.
#wwdits#nandor the relentless#Nandor#what we do in the shadows#i think its obvious by how much Nandor loves to read that he grew up educated#it's one of my favorite character traits of his#anyways#this was just your local psa abt the depth of Nandor's character and intelligence#and how the medieval islamic world was like - so much more advanced than it's western counterpart it's hilarious how ppl mischaracterize it#(by hilarious i mean it makes me want to break something)#this was in my drafts lolol what did i read that made me vent this? idk#also 'islamic world' is just a term some historians use to describe a specific geographical location and historical age#kind of how 'western world' is used today#it doesn't mean it's specific to one religion or nation but the broader time and location#meaning that Al Qolindar or Persia or Ilkhanate or w/e you want to call where Nandor came from#the same expectations of education and it's vibrant social/cultural world remain an accurate image of the middle east in the medieval age#if you come from the west like me#think The Forum + The Library of Alexandria + Paris/Florence + and idk anything else u think of when u think of 'Western Excellence'#and then imagine of all of that in one place at one time and then u might get close to what the world Nandor was living in as a human
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sometimes i think about the way sunday is 100% fine with doing fucked up things as long as he thinks the people he’s doing those things to deserve them
#thinking out loud 🏵️#honkai star rail#listen i might cry and sob over sunday whenever i think abt him#but he is BRUTAL#like look at what my guy did to aventurine 😭#straight up said ur dying now have fun#and he didnt feel ANY remorse because in his eyes aven was the villain#aven was a threat to penacony#and so in his mind his actions were justified#its the same w gallagher#sunday is an asshole to him because gallagher killed his sister (and he doesnt know that shes actually fine)#im telling you if gallagher didnt stab sunday when he did#sunday wouldve started pulling out his whole oh triple faced soul thing#and he wouldve been a lot worse to gallagher than to aven#would it have worked? no idea bc gallagher. isnt exactly real#but who knows#sunday is kind and empathetic no doubt about it#but like an angel he is kind to the weak and ruthless to the wicked#and i LOVE that about him#he’ll be a decent person but the second he has any reason to believe that youre a threat#its free real estate#i have a lot of thoughts on sunday#maybe one day ill share my perspective on how stellaron hunter sunday could work from a narrative standpoint#but today is not that day
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i have a ~dream question~
#this has been an original post#my pollies#polls#dreams#driving#i realized today that while im obvs not the driver in my dreams im also not specifically on public transit most of the time#im just. a passenger#no concept of other passengers or a driver or even what kind of vehicle it is#my dream logic is very much ''if its not relevant to the situation who cares''#also ''why generate actual human beings when you can just have the vague sense that a place is populated''#idk why im thinking abt this this morning specifically since last nights dreams didnt even involve being in a vehicle#not the ones i remember anyway#i was just thinking abt patterns in my dreams in general#cause my brain does this weird thing where in all my anxiety dreams im living in the apt i lived in through elementary + part of high school#like yes its the place ive spent the most time in but also. i havent lived there in TWELVE YEARS#and i mean i did hate that place but its not like ALL my trauma was experienced there#its just weird#dreams are weird#clouds dreams
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damn bitch are you still mad abt that... it was two years ago 🙄 grow up
#thanks solaris i can always count on you#i picked up a pen (art)#crackpost#ieytd#commander solaris#charlie caliente#was thinking abt them today... i think if anyone would be like. kind of friends with solaris. beyond fabby. it would be charlie#but they're like. weird as fuck friends. strange guys
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this is probably a controversial opinion but that’s never stopped me so i’m going to say it…i don’t think bllk powerscalers “ruin the fandom” and tbh as much as people on tumblr love to dog on them they consistently have the most accurate predictions for the manga out of everyone 😱 yeah a lot of them are jerks about being in the fandom so i dislike them for THAT reason but i hope everyone who hates on them just for which aspect of the animanga they focus on realizes that they literally sound exactly the same as them LMAAOAO like it’s okay to enjoy blue lock for purely the sports/action aspect it’s not doing anyone a disservice and their analyses are actually quite interesting as well!!
#‘oh but i want to see more character analysis’ do it yourself then!!#truly i think all of you would be happier upon realizing that if you want to see a certain kind of content you MUST create it#you cannot expect other people to cater your tastes just like they in turn cannot expect you to cater to theirs#and yeah do i find it irritating when bllk dudebros gatekeep and act like you can’t watch the animanga if you’re not into soccer? absolutely#plenty of them are assholes i’m not denying it but plenty are just as passionate abt the fandom and have a diff way of engaging w it#maybe it’s not YOUR preferred way but the instant you start saying they’re ruining fandom you actually become a douche on par with them#‘you’ in the abstract form of course idk what you reading this believe or do#anyways like i said. controversial opinion. ESPECIALLY on here#i woke up annoyed today so i’m in a complaining mood ig idk whatever keep it civil in the notes don’t call me names etc etc#m’s thoughts#bllk
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Boy King Seb :D
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#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333#he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today#this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant#i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves#seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his#so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better#whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh#anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO#its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation#pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#f1 art#formula 1 art#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such#boy king au
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#oh the mescott tea on my dash i need a mop#you can´t leave the internet for a few hrs#don´t think imma rb#bc taking it with so much salt#but it would p much align with what´s in my head aka deep continued bond#like they´ll just stay in each other´s lives#and with their current busy schedules and post serious relationships keeping it casual but still meeting up whenever they can etc#i can see that#and i love that for them#like really wanting to have a long term friendship/relationship of some kind and apparently succeeding besides/after hooking up?#the dream#like i never managed that and i tried#like i´m vicariously rooting for them or something#anyway apparently i have destructive magical powers and broke two movie projectors today just by being in the respective theater#wild#sadly back to work tmrw#it´s after 1 am and i haven´t had dinner hmm#ok yeah still thinking abt mescott but it is only the internet internetting probably#i should go to bed or eat something
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my aunts white boyfriend prayer hands reacting to a reply i sent that literally had nothing to do with him 🤨🙄🙄🙄🙄🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱 you ARE notttttt the family groupchat moderator who asked for your intake
#jokingggggg 🙏🙏🙏🙏 kind of hihihi my nemesis for the past 15 years#btw today is the anniversary of my dad passing away and my annoying uncle sent the wiki page for leon tolstoi like unprompted at like 1am#like what do you mean.....#30% chances that he forgot#im getting texts from people like 'thinking abt you.......' i feel like a mom on mothers day 🤨
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need to be exploding something but i Can't for some reason. just Can Not. my ability to do is just. Nay
#just me hi#GOUHHH#okay so I can't go back to bed rn cuz I was So tired earlier I went to bed at 7#Bad move !! But I also didn't have anything to do so kind of the only one lmao#So I slept for 4 hours and here I am now. At 2 am. Vibing [<- this is untrue]#I have Energy that I Need to dedicate to SOMETHING but I can't figure out what so I'm just vibrating really aggressively and pacing kfvshf#I could funkin writeeeee but I don't know what and i don't think I'll be able to focus so lmaoo 💥#// 💥🎶NONSTOP AUTOMATIC LIVIN IN DELUSION🎶💥#anywho loll--#//i could draw but that's Slow and Caramalizing work. Like when I want to evenly toast my thoughts you know what I'm saying kfshf#Or when I'm just trying to be Thourough. Or just rotating shiz so fast I gotta slow down lol#And then if I draw what should it be? The things in my brain ??? God forbid#What I'm just sposed to pick between the 3+ projects I have blasting at full volume in my head rn ?? That's crazy talk man#//mnm i want. a Snack#Snack tiymeeee#If only we had those kfshvfh#Ik where to get marshmallows (thought they could hide them from me. Impossible) but that's not a good choice for the hour or the craving lo#//what's the point !!! What's the pooooint !!! 🎶#i love you music hfvsh#/speaking of i took my mp3 player w/ me to skate w/ and played oldies and you know that was pretty good man I gotta do that again#Meant to do it last time but I didn't charge her :( and I don't want to stress her battery by killing her so </3#//oh also we went to the movies today !! Part of the reason I'm tired lmao#I always forget to bring smth to plug my ears (it's so funkin loudddd man oTL) but you know what I Didn't forget? Mp3 player w/ the noise#Canceling earbuds. Which worked insanely well I had Zero discomfort :D#Usually the theater experience starts to suck hard at abt the 2/3rds point cuz everything gets loud ;w;#but i forgot abt the sound thing w/ my buds in so :D yay yippee !!#We watched gladiator 2 :) watched the first one the night before so full context let's go 💥#It was good! I think anyway! I'm not sure i was completely clocked in kfshfh#//ooou I'm running out of tag space..#I'll say ciao right here loll :> toodles !!
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I think one of the regulars at work is into me and I feel bad for him tbh 😭 he's so nice and chill but sorry I'm just not attracted to men
I'm not the first employee here he's caught feelings for, and the last one was a lesbian. He's extremely normal about it, he's not off-putting or creepy in any way but god he has a rough track record of falling for Unattainable People
#i don't blame him for falling for multiple employees here we're all kind smart beautiful women/women-adjacent nonbinaries#and he is SO normal and fine abt it but i just. im sorry dude you keep falling for The Wrong People#the way he was talking to me today and the eye contact he was making got me worried lol#i COULD be misinterpreting it. for his sake i hope i am but. i don't think i am 😭#if i *was* attracted to men... maybe I'd consider giving him a shot? hypothetically dating a man is such an. otherworldly thing to consider#at this point in my life. i haven't been attracted to men for like. fuck 5 years now at least
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Burrich/Molly is not romantic. They should have been on fantasy Jerry Springer.
#i was thinking so much today abt how they are using each other to cope (reprehensibly so in burrich's case)#and it's honestly kind of fascinating of both of them#i dont think either of them rlly think of it that way#i think it's like when an old lady tells u how she met her husband and it's a fucking horror story#but she ends it like 'and then we lived happily together for 50 years' and you just have to like. accept that for her#molly chandler... spinning her around in my mind#rote
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things im still not over (as someone who was mostly inactive since mid 2021):
mask and change my clothes!! i dont think i was active on tumblr when change my clothes was released, but the way i ascended when i heard his soft sweet singing voice <33 mask is my favorite song of his and it still makes me emotional to think about what the song meant to him. his creativity is one of his greatest strengths and i am endlessly happy that he found a way to share more of himself in a way that he really enjoys
DREAM TEAM MEETUP tbh i really did not know if these days would ever come. its so so so crazy to think that florida man dream texas cowboy sapnap and british george are really all living together and existing in the same space. seeing them be THEM irl is still very surreal and makes me pause for a second without fail. so so much of the community centered around them not having met each other irl
DREAM FACE REVEAL!!!! this one i REALLY HONESTLY didnt know if it would ever come, just because the courage it takes to face reveal after building one of the largest audiences is fucking crazy. i thought that even if they did end up living together, dream might’ve found that he is happy to just be with them and not want to face reveal anymore. ig never doubt dream- he’s such a “go big or go home” type of person. i love him regardless but now he is also a big bear who wears cat beanies and has the prettiest eyes and im emotionally attached
dream pics before his face reveal with a big emphasis on suit pics, swt halloween, and strawberry dream. his white hoodie posey pose and the ones with the blanket and patches have a permanent home in my heart but these had me convulsing and i didnt get to gush about them here </3
#long tagsss#why does it feel like no time has passed yet SO MUCH has changed#i feel very very late to everything i think in some ways i am still kinda stuck in the past#it was just today where i officially really matched dream to his voice and that was rlly cool#he has always been very cute and dorky kind generous and open hearted#and you can see that when he interacts with people in irl streams too#ik i kinda left wo saying anything and sometimes i wish i had still been active to freak out abt everything w everyone#but basically it just got more stressful than fun bc my hpfx became unhealthy and i had to move for college and learn to be on my own#im back home now after transferring and my mental health is a lot better#sm has changed in my life too!!#being active here still makes me feel nostalgic abt all the old times though#however it really is just the beginning and i keep thinking abt how dream spoke abt things speeding up and im v v happy that i get to tunein#dreamblr
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ARI FIRST THINGS FIRST I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TAG U I DIDN'T WANNA PRESSURE U OKAY I'M SORRY second of all how many of them can i ask about bc......... what if i wanna know about all of them? what then ari???? have u thought about that?????? okay okay no but i do NEEEED to know about sappy drunk!sugu bc helloo??? that sounds so good and also woLFY SUGU AND LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD????? you're crazy i'm so obsessed already and actually sick!satoru too bc he's gonna be such a baby i need to hear about it OK ONE MORE BECAUSE NOBARA??? OH MY GODD SKATERGIRL NOBARA PLEAAAAASEEE that's literally genius wow i can't wait to hear about all of them i'm so excited!!!!!!!
- @softgirlgonehaywire
MICKEY PLS DONT APOLOGIZE PHSJDHD i wasnt planning on doing it at first cause i didnt know if ppl would be interested 😭😭 BUT then i saw that u and everyone else was doing it so i immediately caved AND IM SO GLAD I DID u picked some of my personal faves !! ari/mickey connection going steady hehe
i’d apologize in advance for making this long but i feel safe w u this is just our average communication let’s go <33 here is some tea for u while u read !! 🍵
OKOK SOOOO first of all ; sappy drunk!sugu x reader….. yes. this one is sooooo special to me its been downright rotting in my drafts since the beginning of time and its literally all written out ?? but i need to delete some stuff n polish it overall….. </3
BUT yeah the plot is basically just: sugu goes out to a bar w satoshoko, gets drunk even though he literally never gets drunk, and so reader discovers that he is, in fact, the sappy kind. (shocker!) it’s just sooooo sickeningly fluffy and he’s so whipped. ☹️☹️ he’s like a puppy. all he can think of is reader and how much he wants to put a ring on their finger HE’S SOOOOO
here are a couple snippets hehe. literally just disgusting amounts of Fluff for my soul
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sho 🚬 : anyway he’s been asking me where u are for the past ten minutes pls come i can’t stand him sho 🚬: he’s crying. you: HUH???????? you: WHY??? 😭😭😭 sho 🚬: dude i dont know sho 🚬: pls come get him he’s being so sappy that satoru’s abt to throw up
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”— and i have you.” a stutter of your heartbeat, a jolt throughout your chest. his stare almost burns, but you can’t avert your gaze — suguru looks positively lovesick. admiring you with a dreamy gaze, as if he can’t believe you’re real. he reaches a hand out; cradling your face with one big palm, the rough pads of his fingers smoothing down your skin so very gently. smearing his fondness from your jaw to your cheekbone, so loving your breath hitches in the back of your throat. a soft, content sigh spills into the air, like a prayer that doesn’t need any words. his smile is serene. ”my angel.” that peaceful smile changes shape, shifting into a big, giddy grin. it lights up his whole face. a chuckle leaves his lips, content and delighted. ”i’m the luckiest guy in the world.”
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”sugu,” you whine, dragging his name out childishly. ”we need to sleep…” ”sorry,” he only murmurs, muffled into your skin. he doesn’t stop, though, planting a wet smooch on your cheek, and then another. you squirm a little in his hold, and he emits a shaky breath. ”jus’ love you so much…”
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i just think sugu has so much love in his chest that he like Never lets out bc he knows it can feel overwhelming unless he shows it in small doses but then he gets drunk and everything just SPILLS out . idk but my knees would buckle
AND THEN ….. wolf/hunter!sugu x little red riding hood!reader OHHHH MICKEY IM SO HAPPY U ASKED…. this concept entered my brain and has Not left even once but its still just this vague idea in my head. im just so interested in fairy tale aus!! i figure its probably gonna end up kinda twisted? or maybe a mix between sweet/twisted if i can pull it off 😭😭 bUT the main idea is that sugu plays the part of both the wolf AND the hunter, reader doesnt know who to trust but sugu is their only option either way. at first i was thinking of making him like a whole Wolf Man but now im leaning towards it being more symbolic … the trustworthy hunter was the ”wolf” all along yk? IM SO FOND OF THIS ONE i cant wait to write it !!! ive been itching to write something a lil more gritty anyhow :33
AND AND SICK!TORU X DOTING!READER ….. our babyboyyyy he’s so :((( he’s just so sick and delirious and trying to convince reader that he’s Fine Actually but he’s just burning up :(((( and so he has no choice but to face the terrifying reality of Being Taken Care of By Someone He Trusts. horrifying. as soon as he’s slightly better he’s just throwing himself over u and begging for kisses though (he’s an opportunist <33)
this is another one that’s just veryyyy fluffy n sweet!! AND another one that i have written out i just need to delete a lot of stuff bc its like . over 10k i think I GOT CARRIED AWAY OK…… 😭😭
aaand here r some snippets from this one!! just overflowing w gojo love <333 he’s our sweetiepie our little baby angel i need him tucked into bed
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”really, baby,” he slurs, voice raspy and dry. attempting to get up, arms straining under his shivering body. ”there’s no need f’ —” unceremoniously, his limbs give out beneath him, and he tumbles back down. face falling back into the mattress, as he croaks out a meek little wince. (the sound makes your heart squeeze tightly in your chest.) ”ah,” he hums, muffled into the sheets. resisting the urge to close his eyes. ”that’s… annoying.”
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”baby, i think my fever’s going up again…” satoru pouts, looking up at you. ”can you check?” a raise of your eyebrow. you give him a smile. ”this is the fifth time you’ve asked me to check your temperature, toru.” ”just wanna make sure,” he whines. ”please?” an exaggerated sigh. then you’re leaning down, soft lips meeting his forehead, humming against his skin — and, just like last time, and the time before that, his temperature hasn’t gone up. ”you’re good.” ”oh, thank god,” satoru exhales. ”are you sure? like, a hundred percent sure? maybe you should check again. just in case.”
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”you’re cute,” satoru croons, still cradling your cheek. tenderly, soft fingertips against your heated skin. all you manage is a meek little furrow of your brows, but that only makes him chuckle again. after a silent moment, you part your lips. ”… you can.” he blinks. still smiling. ”stay forever, i mean.”
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yeahhhhhh. yeah. u know how it is. (i am consumed by love for this silly little 28 year old man)
AND FINALLY LAST BUT NOT LEAST … skatergirl!nobara x reader <333333 my most beloved ever. i only have a vague outline but im sooo in love w this concept mickey im overjoyed that it caught ur eye….. just . picture nobara being covered in hello kitty band aids bc she’s not very good at skating but she just thinks it’s SO fun and she goes to the skate park w maki while wearing acrylic nails and she’s just having such a blast :(( grinning and giggling!!! she’s literally my daughter i adore her ….
my idea for the fic is basically just that reader has this weird one-sided rivalry w nobara bc they’re a bit jealous of her + she’s so pretty it makes them angry LOL and they assume that she doesnt notice them at all… but in reality nobara is like HIGHKEY crushing on reader she does these complicated flips JUST to impress them she’s a lovergirl!!! so it’s basically just super duper fluffy n sweet hehe <33
TYSM FOR ASKING MICKEY i had to take my time w this one hehehe . i hope u’ll enjoy these fics when theyre posted although it’ll probably take a while… COVERING U IN KISSES WATCH OUT
#THESE R ALL SOO PRECIOUS TO ME ☹️☹️ precious wips for a precious mickey#wolf/hunter!sugu literally makes me insane btw like completely unhinged#imagine meeting a hunter and he’s so reliable so strong so capable. he’s the only one you can trust.#he keeps you safe and warns you of wolves and you pretend not to hear the way his gravelly voice sometimes shifts into a growl#the way his grip around you turns just a tiny tiny bit painful . he’s just so kind. he’s the only one you can trust. the only one you have.#YKNOW??????? like hes soooooo . i dont like thinking abt twisted variations of sugu often but he’s so <333 in small doses#ANYWAY ty mickey i hope u eat a super good meal today like so good u fall into a coma right after#ask tag ✩#mickey !! ✩
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steroids have decided the two emotions for tonight are Gamer Rage and Deep Yearning Sadness
#marzi speaks#marzivents#i think i’ve sort of hit an energy limit tonight and it’s frustrating me. if i had to guess#probs mourning some of the energy and capability i used to have that i have to build back now#which is. manifesting at being angry that i’m rusty at splatoon lmao#sighhhh. i’m handling the concept of being disabled relatively well i think but shit is still hard abt it#i feel like talking to my brother’s friend abt it exhausted me a little. bc he said a lot of the little annoying things#the kind you can brush off as meaning well but that still add up#shit like ‘when i heard what happened i felt so sorry for you’#and comparing it to an acute injury he had. and saying he was relieved he didn’t have to medically withdraw#(having to medically withdraw from the semester has been the toughest part of this for me. i miss college so bad)#plus he like. did not seem to Get that i am Freshly Disabled!! i can’t walk out in the texas heat for very long#i have energy limits. i’m following a meds schedule (which is admittedly getting easier)#i dunno i’m just tired of it tonight i think. it’s frustrating#this got a bit more vent-y than i intended but ah well we’re here. i’ll give it the vent tag so ppl can block it if needed#i’m really lucky to know so many people that understand. because if every interaction with other people was like today’s i think i’d lose it
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It is! Possible! That I may be being too hard on myself! Again!!!
#me for most of this fall: I’m not doing enough well enough I’m falling short in everything I am Miserable#the universe lately: you’re such a natural turner / you are so creative / you are doing so much /#you are curious and humble and kind / you have beautiful lines / your writing is lovely#our company did this values in action award and my sister and I were talking abt it last week and how only 5 employees WERENT nominated#and i was like Clearlt I Was Not Nominated#and then today actually read the nominations and I got?? really sweet ones????#and just had a convo with a colleague abt how I’ve been worried abt underperforming/not doing well enough#and she looked at me like I had literally sprouted a tortoise out of my head and was like#‘’i. think you might have. Very High Standards for yourself. (?????????)’’#the new director I’ve been working with is so casual abt praise saying how I have beautiful lines and such a strong turn#and just need to relax and breathe#there have been a couple ppl recently reading thru like my entire AO3 and leaving the nicest comments???#my students are chaotic but at rehearsal they all want to come sit with me and ask me questions and I just#idk I know I have a tendency toward isolation and self-deprecation#but also like. when ur in it (the depressions (?)) it feels so absolute#and i know I have to go thru to get to a place where I can receive the good (emotionally)#and I know I’m a little extra sensitivo bc I‘ve been missing my brother#and specifically how he always always was the person who listened when I needed support#but yeah i. maybe rlly needed this#‘’over and over announcing your place in the family of things’’#<- current feels#personal#Bc it’s less about positive feedback and more abt feeling like belonging
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