#kili: “this is who i am!”

[basil--and--sage]

Hobbit au, where everything is the same, except Kíli is in his goth phase

[breitzbachbea]

Kili and Paddy tripping over each other to sacrifice themselves, but Kili for the greater good and Paddy for his loved ones and Angus is just watching in terror and tries to hold both of them back.

[formerheroeswhoquittoolate]

the concepts of generations of heroes sends me. like. the ideas that heroes have grown and changed with their readers until they couldn't anymore. that as the diverse readers of comics have become more visible in the fandom they've become more visible on the page too. but more than that, I mean in the worlds themselves. you grow up. you move on. and there's a kid who's doing the same thing you were. maybe for the same reasons, maybe not. but you look at them and you think they could be good. they could be better. they could do what you did, but maybe they won't make the same mistakes. and maybe they look up to you, but you can't imagine why. you're their hero, but they don't quite understand that they're yours. that you look at them and you think, "damn. look at that." that they're a hero all their own, even though they use your name and wear your colors. you hate each other sometimes. you fight. they don't listen. they make you feel old. (you are old.) you would fight god with your bare hands if they got hurt. you're not quite siblings, not quite parent/child, not even mentor/student, because it's not like you ever knew what you were doing in the first place. there are scuffs and dents in your equipment from the time they "borrowed" it when everyone thought you were dead. you've probably screamed at each other. one of you has definitely cried. sometimes it seems like they're the older one. you had to teach them so many things and they're better at all of it now than you are. they don't know that, but you see it all the time. you're so proud of them.

[rottencherrypie]

R-18+; Harder, Better, Faster...

Summary - Comparing three dwarves to your exes...

Warnings - Smut, language, male genitalia, mention of bodily fluids, creampie, rough sex, lowkey breeding kink (maybe?), slight dom themes (Thorin and Fili)

Pronouns & POVs - None, third-person.

Pairings - Thorin x Reader, Fili x Reader, Kili x Reader

Word Count - 2,500+

A/N - I am once again stumped on the full smut I am writing and was listening to music when "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk came on which for some reason sparked this idea. (I have had this sitting in my drafts for far too long.) Pure smut under the cut!

Read on AO3 Read on Wattpad

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

- thorin

Harder. When it came to your past lovers, there always seemed to be something lacking when it came to more intimate activities. It was not that your past lovers were awful, but they never seemed to get you to the finish line, so you began handing out fake trophies.

It was hard to explain your desires. It was not that your previous lovers treated you poorly in or out of the bedroom; they treated you as if you were a fragile flower in and out of the bedroom, and that was the issue.

It was not an issue outside the bedroom: you loved being doted upon, having your every wish and command acted upon without question. Yet, when it came to inside the sheets -- you preferred it hard. It was simple, the easiest thing to grasp in your mind, but your previous lovers seemed to absorb the information as well as glass absorbs water; it doesn't.

It appeared hopeless until you had met Thorin.

The journey to the Misty Mountains had been treacherous. One that had left all members littered with new bumps and bruises, as well as new scars that littered their bodies alongside bruised, potentially even fractured, bones.

Throughout the journey, the company of dwarves experienced several hard struggles. Ones that took them many hours, if not days, to resolve; their nights often spent pondering as they gazed upon the stars. Yet, the stars held no answers regarding the hardest hassle they had dealt with: convincing you to accept aid.

It was not if you were neglecting yourself; you accepted food and medical aid when needed, yet you refused items the company of dwarves attempted to gift you -- such as new clothes and boots. You had been perfectly fine repairing your clothes when you had a moment. After all, the cloak you journeyed with had covered any tears within your outfit, so it was not as if the world could see the flesh the cloth once shielded.

You reminded yourself that you had to travel light: extra luggage meant extra weight, which meant extra aches and pains from lugging around said weight all day. Yet, there had been the odd occasion upon your travels where an item had caught your eye.

You had managed to stay strong until you passed it. The most beautiful pair of boots you had yet to see, in a color you adored and a style you knew was comfortable for travel: they looked perfect. You could not help but approach the stall, making small talk with the woman who ran it as you examined the boots from afar; they even appeared to be your size!

It appeared to be too good to be true, and that it was. You had been a few coins short of purchasing them, and attempting to barter the boots down to what you had was out of the question -- you needed the coins to pay for your next meal.

"How much?" The dwarven king asked from beside you, his sharp sapphire gaze glued upon the same boots. The suddenness of his deep voice startled you as you were quick to look at him, as he stood there with his arms crossed at his chest, leaning back slightly, a stance he often did while in thought.

"How much for the boots?" The dwarf repeated the question in a low and serious tone as his gaze rose from the boots to the seller. The seller calmly restated the price for the item in question, earning an amused "That's all?" from the dwarven king as he handed over the payment without hesitation.

Yet, the boots did not remain in the dwarven king's hands for long, as they quickly fell into your grasp as he thrust them into your arms.

"Hurry up." The command left his thin lips in a low tone as the heat of his gaze examined your body from head to toe. "We need to find a tailor; you're practically in rags." The words became distant, accompanied by the tap of his boots against the creaking wooden dock. A creaking almost as hard as when the frame of your bed shakes as he pleasures you.

The sharp thump of the bedframe bouncing against the wall danced throughout the air, accompanied by the melody of your moans as the dwarven king continued to drive his hips into yours. Each inch of his hardness pounded into you, the squelching click of skin slapping against one another growing as loud in the air as the bedframe against the wall.

His hands would tightly grasp upon your legs, your legs spread upon his shoulders, new boots upon your feet as they bounced slightly against his back with every hard thrust of the king's hips. His gaze upon you would be lustful as a smirk spread upon his thin lips.

"That's it." He'd breathe, his breath caressing your face as he leaned down, pushing you further into the bed and pushing further into you, allowing every inch of his cock to have a chance inside of you before sliding out. "Give me every inch of you. Show me why I spoil you." He'd purr, lips hovering a breath above yours as his eyes remained locked onto yours. 

His harsh gaze would urge you further into submission, to give into the hardness of his thrusts and the hardness of his cock.

A hardness that left you utterly entranced: how it stretched your inner walls perfectly, carving itself deep into your center as the rhythmic pulsations of his lust lulled you closer to the brink of release. 

The dwarven king was far harder in many ways compared to your past lovers, yet it was a hardness you craved. 

──────

- fili

Better. The terms of your love life had always been lackluster. The lovers of your past rarely managed to wow you, and upon the rare occasion that they managed to, it always appeared to come with terms and conditions.

It never felt as if you were the priority, yet you sat idly by for many years as you patiently awaited with the hope that a lover would make you feel special, wanted, and better than any had before. And, as if an answer to your nights of blandness, Fili came into your life.

And he was better.

The moment you had met, the golden-haired prince had whisked you off your feet. It was not through his title, nor was it through lavish gifts or promises that would be broken, no. He listened.

You had been enthusiastically speaking of a weapon you had found upon your travels, going into depths about the elaborate carvings upon it and what origins you had suspected it to be. You had been raving about this weapon for many paths now, excitedly showing whoever would listen.

"And, best of all, I haven't needed to--" The words had stalled in your mouth as you noticed how the dwarven company rolled their eyes at your rambling. A heat began to spread beneath the flesh of your face as your lips shut suddenly, and the warmth of embarrassment began to spread from the center of your chest as your gaze fell.

"Haven't needed to what?" A familiar voice had spoken, one deep and full of warmth. "I am listening. And I would like to see this magnificent weapon." The golden-haired prince spoke, a smile upon his thin lips as your gaze lifted from the ground and onto him.

The warmth within your chest had quickly eased from the uncomfortable sensation it felt moments prior, as the speed at which your heart raced now turned to various fluttering as your gemstone-colored eyes locked with his ocean-colored pair.

You had felt the harshness of his calloused palm upon the back of your hand, gently rotating your hand to fit into his before he applied a soft pressure upon it, a reassuring squeeze as the smile upon his thin lips softened.

"Go on." A phrase the golden-haired prince had used for various events. The most frequent was not in comfort, though it always made you feel better when he spoke it while he was deep inside you.

The thickness of his manhood would stretch out your inner walls, expanding them to mold perfectly around his throbbing cock, feeling the pulsation of his heartbeat, his arousal, within one of the most sensitive parts of him.

His thrusts would be deep and slow, allowing you to feel every inch of his throbbing length as his eyes scanned your face. It was as if you were a novel, and he was reading you, jotting down mental notes of what made you gasp in pleasure and what made you hiss in pain.

The bed would creak rhythmically, the headboard hitting against the wall, creating a beat that danced alongside the melody of your moans.

"That's it." His tone would be full of praise as he stroked your cheek; the sensation of his calloused thumb brushing against the flesh of your cheek would send a wave of pleasure down your body. "Let me hear how good it feels." The heat of his breath caresses your face as he leans closer to you, causing his thrusts to deepen as he does so: ensuring his cock reaches the most sensitive and pleasurable spots within your core.

That was what you adored about Fili; it wasn't only his pleasure he did this for, but your pleasure as well.

Your lips would entwine with his, your moans muffled against his thin lips as he continued the same pleasurable pace. The faint taste of ale lingered upon his lips, becoming more apparent as you parted your lips, giving his tongue access to yours.

Tongues entwined in a sloppy dance, breaths becoming uneven and deepened until you both parted. Lungs expanded vastly as the pair of you gasped for air, a string of saliva connecting your lips as your gazes met.

"I love every sound you make, every noise that escapes your beautiful lips." Fili would breathe, his lips curved into a lopsided grin as his hips continued to jut against yours, ensuring that the familiar tingle of pleasure would roam throughout your body before he would even recognize the knot within his abdomen. That your hands would grasp at the sheets of the bed, or your nails would claw down his toned back before he would allow his grip to tighten upon the flesh of your hips. 

That your lips would be stuck open as a slew of moans fell from them before he uttered a single curse of pleasure. That the sweet nectar of your being would cascade upon your skin before he allowed his seed to paint your sensitive inner walls, or allow it to coat the flesh of your abdomen.

He cared for your pleasure as much as he cared for you. He was simply better.

──────

- kili

Faster. The speed at which your love life progressed had always been slow. The lovers of your past seemed to enjoy silly games instead of commitment, and for the rare few who desired something more -- they seemed to move even slower.

It felt drawn out. It felt as if your previous lovers had held a meeting on how to waste your time, yet you held onto faith that you would find a lover who wanted to belong to you as much as you wished to belong to them.

And though your heart had yearned for a faster pace in terms of romance, you were not prepared for the fast dwarven prince.

The night air nipped at the flesh of your skin, and the soft crackling of the campfire danced alongside the sounds of the woods and your dwarven companions. Some of your companions were off eating their stew, a mix of mushrooms and other things they had managed to forage within the woods, though you'd never question where they found the meat or spices that went into it.

The low chatter of their voices nearly muffled the gentle sounds of the fire; the soft sway of its light and warmth reminded you of its presence as your gaze remained glued to the stars above. It was a brief moment of peace within the sea of chaos that had become your life, and though you had lost the comforts of home, the dwarven prince who sat beside you had found those comforts within you.

The sound of your voice, the scent of your skin, the light that shimmered within your eyes; you became his home on the road. Yet, he had been too nervous to say anything until that night.

Either overcome with confidence or immense stupidity, the dwarven prince could not help but blurt out the three words that had been swirling around his mind since the moment he laid eyes upon you.

"I love you." His voice echoed throughout the makeshift campsite, his amber gaze glued upon your face, and a sea of laughter erupted from his fellow companions. The heat of his cheeks burned as bright as the fire before him, yet he did not back down as your sparkling gaze met his. "Y/N, I love you." He repeated, his confident voice wavering as the words left his lips. A wavering you would hear in far more intimate events.

The rapid thumps of the bedframe bouncing against the wooden wall echoed throughout the not-so-silent room. The sounds of the bed were so close together in pace that a thump barely had enough time to become an audible sound before another came in its place, masking the previous one as fast as it was made.

His cock raced within you, desperately stretching out the inner walls of your core, as his face was buried within the crook of your neck. The heat of his short, quick breaths tickled the side of your neck as he inhaled your scent.

"So good." The words wavered in pleasure upon his lips, hanging upon the tip of his tongue before escaping in more of a whimper than a moan. "You feel so good." His words would become a full whine of pleasure as he held onto you.

His hands would be tightly clenching at your arms, grasping so tightly that his nails would begin to dig into your skin. A delicious twinge of pain and pleasure flooded your sensations as his cock would continue to rapidly carve itself deep inside you.

His breaths would come out as quickly as his movements, each harsh thrust a silent devotion of his love, his neediness for you. His head would remain buried in the crook of your neck, allowing his whimpers to vibrate against the exposed skin as the burn within his hips grew hotter.

His body moved like a well-oiled machine, never ceasing in action as it brought you closer and closer to the brink of release. And as fast as you were thrown overboard, drowning in the sea of pleasure, the dwarven prince dived in after you.

He was far faster than your exes, yet he always ensured you came first in all scenarios.

──────

Want to read one part at a time? Read separately on AO3

Thorin, Fili, Kili

Want to read it as a book? Read separately on Wattpad

Thorin, Fili, Kili

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

[faeriichaii]

hii!!

i was wondering if you could write kili x gn!reader where the reader wants to braid kili’s hair and they have no idea what that means to dwarves and kili lets them braid his hair. later the other dwarves notice and tease kili about it cause he’s clearly in love with the reader.

thank you sm<33

Braiding Lessons ~ Kili x Reader

A/N: Omg Kili request!!! I love him and I am such a sucker for this plot!! so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do omg!! Also funfact but I almost deleted everything that I wrote during my roadtrip cause I was so unsatisfied with it ;-; Which is probably why it took me so long to actually publish it yikes

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Warnings: Fluff ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Words: 1.0k ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Request: Yes (Thank you <33) ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋAmrâlimé ~ My Love ࿐ྂ

Summary: You always knew dwarves had various beautiful braids, but how come Kili doesn't? So one night you decide to change that and help him out.

You tilted your head to the side, as you let your eyes skim over the various dwarves, whom you were accompanying on their journey. Being the only human, surrounded by one hobbit and several dwarves definitely let you notice a few differences about their culture to your own. For example, they could eat almost double their size almost as if they have two stomachs. They also tend to not care much about their appearance. Except of course their beards and hair in general. They take care of it almost as if their life depended on it. One detail that definitely stood out to you were the different braids that decorated each of them. You remember once staring at Fili, while he undid his small beard braids just to redo them.

“How come dwarves always have braids in their hair?” You once asked him. He smiled at you and continued weaving his fingers through his hair. “Braids are very important to us dwarves. Which is why we rarely let others touch our hair.”

Ever since that day you have noticed the intriguing designs and ways each of the dwarves intertwined their strands. Except for one. Kili was the only dwarf who seemed to be lacking any kind of braid and you have been wondering why that is. You also once asked Fili about it but he wouldn’t answer you. Maybe he doesn’t know how to braid? And he is too embarrassed to ask others for help? Observing Kili, who was laughing along his brother to some jokes, you quickly let that thought settle in your mind. He doesn’t know how to braid and you were determined to change that.

So later that afternoon you bribed Fili to change his night shift with yours (which cost you a few of your travel snacks), in order to spend some time with Kili. You wanted to teach him how to braid and due to the fact that it is quite a sensitive topic to dwarves you wanted to make sure that nobody else would notice the two of you. So as soon as the sun set and the snores of your companions filled your ears, you made your way to Kili. He was perched upon a log which was behind the campfire that slowly burned down. His hands were carefully crafting something delicate, which you didn’t quite see in the dark. “What are you working on?” You asked him, taking a seat beside him. His gaze swerved from the item between his fingers to you. A smile graced his lips.

“It’s a surprise.” He quickly put the item into a small pouch that was secured to his pants. “I thought Fili was supposed to be my night-watch-partner?” “He was but I wanted to switch with him.” A smirk formed on his lips, before he put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer. “Well, in that case I will make sure that this will be the best night of your life.” Blushing at the double meaning behind his words, you tried to separate your body from his. Of course, not because you didn’t enjoy him being so close to you, but because you were in desperate need of some cold air to cool you down and sort through your thoughts.

“I just wanted to ask you if I could braid your hair.” A dumbfounded expression accompanied by a gentle blush fell over his face. “I know you probably were just embarrassed to ask any of the others for help when it comes to braiding your hair and knowing that you don’t know how to I just-“ His laugh interrupted your rambling. “You think I can’t braid my hair?” You nod. “(Y/N), that is one thing we dwarves get born with. No dwarf in this world knows how not to braid hair.” “But why do you never braid yours? Fili told me they were incredibly sacred and important in your culture.” A blush dusted his cheeks as he stared into the campfire.

“Simple. Nobody has asked to braid my hair before.” Your hand moved to his and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “But I just asked to braid your hair. So please, let me take care of you.” He smiled at you and moved one leg over the log so his whole body was facing yours. You let your fingers comb through his soft hair a few times, before taking a strand and dividing it into three sections. Weaving your fingers through the wafts, you made sure to be gentle while also ensuring that there won’t be any bumps or strands sticking out of your small braid. After you have reached the end of his hair, you took out one of your slim leather straps and tied it at the end. Your gaze wandered from the braid to Kilis eyes and you realized how close the two of you have been this whole time. “Thank you Amrâlimé. You have no idea how much this means to me.” You let your gaze wander to your hands in your lap while a shy smile graced your face. “Of course. I am glad you like it.” Kili put his finger under your chin, forcing you to look at him. A bright smile framed his face. “Now it is your turn.”

The next morning the company as well as you quickly packed up their belongings to get back on their journey. While talking with Balin about some of the dwarvens history, you suddenly heard a gasp from behind you. “You never told me about this Kili!” Fili held up a braid between them both. “When did this happen?” “Last night while you-“ “What is going on back there?” Thorin asked, slowly approaching the princes. “Kili finally got his braid! Probably by someone he seems enamoured with.” Fili teases, while letting go of his brother’s hair. A blush dusted Kilis cheeks, as well as your own as the words settled in.

“Was about time they tied the knot.” Dwalin let out a boisterous laugh at Balins words. Tilting your head to the side, you moved your attention to Kili. “What does he mean by that?” “(Y/N) doesn’t even know? You didn’t even explain it?” Fili asked, flabbergasted at the newfound information. “I hadn’t had the time yet.” Kili turned towards you and grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers. “But I will explain it to you when the time is right.” His radiant smile was enough reassurance for you. You will wait, until he is ready to explain the meaning behind the dwarvish braiding custom.

[socksracoon10]

Being an Elf and falling in love with Thorin

Headcanons below the cut!

When Gandalf had first summoned you, it wasn't a very easy decision to make.

Being a Sindar elf yourself, the choice of having to derail from your own beliefs bruised your ego... especially since you were entrusted with overseeing Thorin and his company.

"My dear (Y/N)," Gandalf sighed, "I can not trust any other elf with such an arduous task. I know you are capable of setting aside your prejudices and aiding these dwarves."

"You saved my life once from the Uruk-hais. I am indebted to you for that, Gandalf. But I believe that this will be the one time I shall repay you for your kindness in this manner. Do not expect more from me." You muttered with a bitter tone.

"I do not plan on it." Gandalf reassured you.

When you first met the company under Bilbo's roof, there was silence. An eerie amount of silence.

The hobbit before you seemed enchanted by your presence.

You learned his name was Bilbo; he was the most sensible out of the bunch at the moment.

Your eyes traveled across the room and landed on Thorin, who had a nasty scowl on his face.

He wasn't expecting you to actually show up. He had hoped that for once that elvish pride would've saved him from having to face another individual of the same kind that had betrayed him years ago.

The silence continued, and you made your presence known. You were here to help the dwarves, nothing more and nothing less. You would accompany them to The Misty Mountains, but you would not step foot into their sacred lair. Not out of respect, but out of the sheer disgust you had for the dwarves.

Not even Eru could force you to enter their dwelling; it seemed as if death was the better option.

The journey there was not an easy one.

And Thorin didn't make it any easier.

He'd pass sly remarks every so often about you, try to demean you in front of everyone. He was constantly fighting a battle to ensure that you were beneath him in every aspect, despite being one of the most skilled elves to traverse Middle-Earth.

"Ah, it's best not to anger (Y/N), Thorin," Gandalf would quip from the background, wanting to ease the tension.

It did nothing.

There was an instance where you had left the group to gain more ground and a safer pathway for the dwarves through the forests.

Yeah, biggest mistake ever and Thorin wouldn't stop nagging you about it.

Those stupid trolls had gotten to them and Bilbo had managed to stall them long enough before Gandalf used the sunlight as a weapon.

"I left for one day... forgive me, I was merely trying to secure a safe path," You hissed at Thorin as he shoved past you.

"A safe path will only do if the company itself is safe first, elf," He spat, glancing over his shoulder. You so desperately wanted to spear your blade through his heart.

The rest of the trip resumed its unsteady silence. You glared at the other dwarves, not wishing to say anything to them. Occasionally, you'd offer a helping hand to Bilbo.

That didn't go unnoticed by Thorin. He didn't really like Bilbo as much, but compared to you? Bilbo was far better, and the stupid burglar was mingling with the wrong person.

However, his concerns of Bilbo shifted to his two nephews - Fili and Kili.

While they still harbored some resentment towards you for being a Sindar Elf, they were still young. They were naive, they did not experience that devastating day when Thranduil's forces abandoned Thorin's desperate cries for help.

And so what did they do?

They talked. Talked, and talked. Especially, Kili. Fili would add a joke once or twice, but if he ever caught Thorin's watchful eye, he'd gulp his words and nudge Kili to quit.

And then slowly, one by one... the dwarves were opening up to you.

Balin was more sympathetic, he was a very kind and wise dwarf. You actually enjoyed his presence.

Bofur was a bit reluctant to talk to you at first, but slowly came around. You noticed this when he asked you if you needed more food on your plate when you were dining in Rivendell. That was enough to tell you that perhaps there could be friendships between the dwarves and the elves.

You saved their asses a couple times, especially with the Goblins. Killed some orcs led by Azog. And then watched Azog brutally wound Thorin.

And then something switched in you. For a moment, you felt your breath hitch at the sight of him, dazed and unconscious. Something began to stir inside of you, and you couldn't place your finger on it. It almost felt... unworldly.

And that feeling continued... even when you ended up facing Thranduil, who was so puzzled at the fact that one of his own kind was helping those dwarves...

"I am repaying a debt that I owe to Gandalf," You explained, your head jutted up high into the air.

"What a terrible way to repay it, (Y/N)." Thranduil grimaced, "If you wanted an opportunity to keep yourself occupied, you could've turned to Legolas and he would've found you a wonderful position among my kingdom. We could use elves such as yourself, you know."

"Ah, but I could not say the same for you," You bit back, noticing the way his eyes widened at your audacity.

Word of your defiance quickly spread to the dwarves as the elves guarding them gossiped about it with such eager interest.

It fell onto Thorin's ears.

He almost thought they were lying to him. He couldn't believe it.

And as you passed Thorin's cell to enter your own, much farther away from the dwarves, you noticed something different about him.

He was smiling at you, a twinkle in his eyes. He seemed... proud? Ecstatic?

When the company and you had escaped via the barrels, you had almost hit a rock down the river. It was surreal to see the way Thorin's hands stretched out to warn you.

It seemed as if he cared.

You took a daring risk to climb off the barrel to kill some orcs, almost slipping across the branch in the process as you jumped back into your barrel.

"Be careful, elf!" Thorin cried out, "You could've gotten yourself killed!"

"And what does it matter to you?" You snapped, furrowing your brows.

He did not respond.

He did not need to.

Because you sort of knew the answer by the way he glanced back at you with a soft smile.

You mattered to him.

More than reclaiming the Mountains? The answer was obviously no.

But when you climbed up and watched him excitedly open the hidden entrance to the inside of the Lonely Mountains, his eyes flashed towards you for a split second.

As if he was waiting to see your reaction as well.

And when you gave in and smiled.

With or without the gold, the Arkenstone or the throne,

He felt as if he was the richest dwarf to ever live.

You mattered to him.

He mattered to you.

And thus began, the love between an elf and a dwarf.

[distinguisheddwarffriend]

Inspired by that post about Thranduil being all defensive/protective over Gimli in Valinor:

We all know the head canon of Thorin being all "no nephew of mine even associates with an elf" BUT

Just imagine, in a world where all three Durins survived, and Tauriel saved Kili (again), and some other elf healed his and Fìli's wounds last minute.

Thorin saw both his nephews almost die before him, has LIVED through how the gold sickness twists the mind and perception of things, and after coming to terms with Bilbo's theft of the Arkenstone, he for a while questions EVERYTHING.

And yes, he totally has a dramatic phase of self pity, holing up in his rooms, drinking Elvish wine (cus thats all there is atm) and smoking Gandalf's pipeweed, and mourning how "everything i knew is a LIE" and "if elves can make such amazing wine there HAS to be some good in them" and "I almost got my boys killed I am such a failure boooohoooo", and after Bilbo kicks his ass out if depression (and a STRONG worded letter from his sister) he is like "okay FUCK y'all I have TRAUMA TM and will do WHATEVER I WANT!!"

So when Kili all shyly comes forward one day asking if Tauriel can please stay with them in the mountain because she's banished from the Woodland Realm he's all "OF COURSE she can stay, you do you my precious boy, if Thranduil is stupid enough to let such a great warrior go we'll stick it to him"

and BAM, Tauriel joins Dwalin in leading Erebor's guard, and Dwalin is torn between "excuse ME u want me to share my job with a pointy eared maiden?" And "holy hell that lass has fire can't show how impressed I am".

And Tauriel Takes No Shit even from her own boyfriend, so Kìli is forced to take his new responsibilities seriously because "I did NOT lose my home to live with a CHILD, Kili", and Fili gets dragged into the whole thing without really understanding what happened, but hey, his lil brother is happy so who cares really.

And whenever someone at council (like Dain) complains about an Elf in the mountain, Thorin goes absolutely FERAL like "are you saying I don't know what's best for this mountain I just won from A DRAGON?! are you suggesting that my perfect baby nephew has bad taste? Huh? Exactly, didn't think so!!!!" And is a protective Papa bear "listen Tauriel if someone gives you shit you SHOOT them. No, not killing them, but, you know, just maim them a little to make a point. Trust me I'm the king."

And once Kili and Tauriel have their first child Thorin constantly kidnaps the kid and has them in the forge before they can even talk because "need to keep up that good old dwarven influence".

Anyway I'll go cry myself to sleep now.

[frost-queen]

Intertwined branches (Fem!Reader x Legolas)

Requested by: anon Forever tag:@missmelodramatic, @floatlosers, @alex–awesome–22, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly , @denkisclown, @wildiefleur , @meyocoko , @subjecta13-thefangirl , @m-rae23, @melsunshine  , @venomsvl , @the-uncoordinated-house-cat , @rosecentury , @evilcr0ne , @vviolynn , @niktwazny303 , @avada-kedrava-bitch-187, @erikasurfer , @slythetic  , @eliscannotdance, @p0nycurtis, @slythetic, @bitchybananaflower, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr 

“This forests feels sick.” – you let out, standing at the edge of the woods. Feeling slightly nauseous. If you should take one more step, the disease would sicken you even more. – “You are right.” – a deep voice came through, coming at your side. Making you slightly turn your head to the wizard. – “This forest is very sick, my friend.” – Gandalf continued with a deep breath.

Leaning against his staff. – “And… and we are to pass it through?” – A higher voice came in, making you turn your other side. Gaze much lower. – “Yes Bilbo Baggins.” – Gandalf responded. Taking a few breaths before staring in front of him. – “It is our only way.” – he finished.  You looked over your shoulder, seeing the dwarves take a moment to catch their breath.

Kili taking off his boot, turning it over so any small rocks could fall out. Thorin keeping a watchful eye at you. You inhaled deep coming to lean closer to the wizard. – “Gandalf.” – you simply started. The wizard already knowing enough. Nodding his head with slightly pouted lips.

“You will lead them to safety.” – he said making you widen your eyes. – “Me? Where are you going?” – you asked as he already stepped away from the forest. – “Gandalf!” – you called out catching the attention of the dwarves. Gandalf hopped onto his horse as you came running over to him.

Grabbing his horse by the reins. – “I have other business to attend. We shall meet again in haste.” – he spoke, giving his horse a kick. You let go of the reins, stumbling back. – “Where is he off to?” – Kili asked confused. You took a deep breath before turning to the thirteen dwarves and a hobbit. – “Gandalf will meet us soon.” – you informed them.

“Gather all your things. We must venture through the woods if we wish to keep the orcs off our backs.” – you told them walking towards the woods. – “I’m not listening to you in charge!” – Thorin said loudly. It made you stop and sigh deeply. – “No chance I am following an elf in there!” – he finished.

“Thorin!” – Bilbo called out stepping in. You held your hand out, letting the hobbit know it was alright. – “If those are your believes, I shall not contradict them, but do know I only have the best interests. Is there anyone that wishes to follow me?” – you asked.

Bilbo raised his hand, coming to stand beside you. Thorin glared at him. – “She’s our best chance and you know it Thorin.” – Bilbo spoke, keeping his thumbs in his pockets with a little shrug. Fili and Kili both raised their hands as well. Stepping over to your side.

“Has she not proven her loyalty long enough uncle?” – Fili asked. More dwarves came standing by your side. – “The forest is the quickest way through. It will take us weeks if we go around. Weeks we do not have. Durin’s day is approaching.” – you reminded him. Thorin huffed loud. Walking over, avoiding all eye contact. All of you ventured into the woods. Remaining close.

You took the lead, minding your every step. Gaze forwards as you had the sharpest vision and hearing. – “Y/n.” – you hummed loud to acknowledge the person that spoke to you. A small presence coming at your side. – “Do you know these woods?” – it was Bilbo who asked.

“These woods are Mirkwood.” – you explained to him, keeping your focus in front of you. – “Long ago woodland elves roamed these woods.” – you went on. Bilbo interested in the world far beyond his cozy hobbit hole. – “Where are they now?” – Kili asked huffing loud to keep up with you. – “I do not know.” – you responded.

“Perhaps long gone, for this forest is sick. It is very sick.” – you spoke stepping over a branch. – “How can you tell it is sick?” – Kili questioned further. – “The air is thick and full of stench. The forest is not healthy.” – you gestured at the ground. Kili looked down seeing how dead the ground was. Making him swallow hard.

The deeper you went into the forest, the darker and gloomier the forest became. Taking a deep breath at the webs woven between the trees. – “I feel like we’ve been here before.” – Bifur called out, scratching the back of his head. – “Are we going in circles?” – Fili asked. Bilbo furrowed his brows, watching his feet carry him further.

Thorin rushed to the front, grabbing you by your clothing, shoving you with your back against a rock. Pulling out his sword. – “Have you been leading us in circles? Make us loose our minds so we could be easy prey?” – he called out. – “Thorin stop!” – Bilbo called out. – “Quiet master burglar!” – Thorin snapped back. – “Answer me elf!” – he spitted out like it was a curse word.

You did not flinch. Keeping your gaze stern on the dwarf. – “It is the forest. Keeping us here. Taunting with our minds.” – you replied. – “Do you not feel it. The nauseating feeling inside of you. It is the sickness entering your mind.” – you explained to him. – “I do not wish to harm you Thorin Oakenshield!” – you called out, shoving his sword away from your throat. – “I am here to help you. That is why I signed that contract.”- you reminded him of so many nights ago in a hobbit hole.

Thorin grunted loud taking a step back. Fili took him by his arm. Thorin didn’t wish to know anything of it, shoving his grip off. – “What do we do now?” – Dwalin asked curious. You looked up to the trees. Barely any rustling through their leaves. – “I shall take a look from above.” – you called out.

With swiftness you jumped up. Grabbing a hold of a branch and pull yourself further up. Higher and higher you went. Feeling lighter with each step. At the very top, you popped up from between the leaves. Feeling the midday sun on your face. Taking a moment to let it all in. It felt liberating. Healthier. You then gazed at the horizon. – “I can see the edge of the forest!” – you shouted loud.

“It is but a day’s path.” – you went on. Trying to listen for any response. It remained silent. – “Dwarves?” – you called out, wanting to hear an answer. Lowering yourself a bit more, you knelt down on a branch at the highest top. Looking down at the dark and sickening forest. – “Dwarves?” – you repeated waiting for an answer.

It was then that you heard a shout, making you gasp loud. Quickly you made your way down. Seeing how the webs had increased. A path of woven webs between the trees. Your head turned in the direction where you heard more shouts.

Quickening your pace, you ran from branch to branch. Remaining up high, jumping over to the closest branch. Taking your sword out, letting it hang stiff backwards. You jumped further onto another branch. Seeing thick sacks of web. Some of them still squirming. Moving your sword swiftly forwards you ran up to a sack. Taking a leap as you cut the cord.

Landing gently on another branch. The sack had fallen down with a loud thud. Seeing how it was squirming on the ground for a way out. You jumped for the next sack, cutting it loose as well. When you made your way over to the third one, you were finally greeted by it’s master.

A giant spider punched his front legs up, showing you it’s sharp fangs. Angry that you were cutting loose their food. Looking sharply over your shoulder, you saw more spiders crawl up. Quick on their eight legs. The spider in front of you thumped their front legs forwards as you jumped back.

Swinging your sword across to cut off a bit of it’s leg. It squealed and rattled it’s fangs together with a clicking sound. Hopping to the next sack, you cut it loose watching it fall on top of another sack. In one of them had Thorin been able to free himself from the webs. He briefly looked up to you, standing amidst the spiders. They kept tapping their front legs in your direction.

You held your sword above your head, glaring back at them. Knowing they craved your elvish bones as well. Whatever that could feed them. A spider launched at you. It made you jump up, stomping your foot on its face. It’s head got pushed down. You ran further over it’s body, setting yourself off to cut off another sack of webs.

Knowing down below, Thorin was freeing those that had fallen. Suddenly you heard some grunts, making you turn your head. From between the thick webs you saw another sword slash through. Cutting a few sacks of webs. – “Bilbo!” – you called out, overjoyed that he was unharmed. It startled him, looking around for your voice. He spotted you between the webs, his eyes suddenly widening. – “Y/n!” – he shouted loud with a shaky point.

You already felt the presence behind you. The clicking of fangs together. You quickly spun around, taking out a dagger. As the spider lifted it’s body up, you stabbed it right from underneath it. Pulling your dagger free as green goo came leaking out. You then cut off a leg with your sword. The spider screeched loud, stumbling back. You turned back around to Bilbo, seeing danger behind him. You threw your dagger towards him.

Bilbo’s eyes widening as he saw the dagger go his way. Fly past him as it made him turn around. The dagger hitting a spider right in a few of it’s gathered eyes. The spider screeched, stomping it’s legs around. One of its legs kicked Bilbo, sending him down. – “Bilbo!” – you shouted loud watching him fall. Falling through webs that seemed to ease his fall down.

Taking a web, you used it to slide down. Spiders above you, making their way down as well. From above you saw some spiders had made their way down. Blocking Thorin’s path. He rose his sword ready to fight. Then his attention got drawn away. Something in the trees moving quick and swift.

You immediately saw that they were elves. Coming from the trees, making their way down to slash the spiders. You dropped to the ground, standing sturdy on your feet. Searching for Bilbo through the mess of webs. – “Master Baggins! Master Baggins!” – you called out. – “Over here!” – you heard a faint voice reach out. Slashing your way through webs. Cutting your way through to him.

He sighed relieved at the sight of you. You pulled him up to his feet, giving him a little shove in the right direction. Spotting how the elves had gathered around the dwarves, made you tap Bilbo on his shoulder to stay out of sight. He nodded, slipping off.

You hid between the trees once more. Sneaking up to the other elves. Drawing your bow as you pointed it at one of them. – “Lower your weapons!”  - you called out. Immediately a few other elves turned their bows at you. – “You travel with these dwarves?” – the person you held under shot spoke. Slowly turning his head to you.

His bow raised at you as well. – “With whom I travel is my business.” – you answered with a glare. The elvish boy quirked his eyebrow up. You kept staring at him, something about him feeling familiar. Hearing sudden shouting made you pull your attention away. Draw your bow away and fire a shot.

The arrow hitting a spider right in the mouth as it lowered. Kili looking frantically behind him at you. – “A dwarven nalla speaks a' lle.” – the elf spoke in an Elvish tongue. Hinting that the dwarven cry had taken your attention. – “Amin listen a' i' nalla en' nosse.” – you replied.

“What is she saying?” – you heard Bifur whisper to Bombur. – “Don’t let him trick you Y/n!” – Bifur then called out. Making the elvish boy quirk his eyebrow even more up. – “Y/n?” – he repeated intrigued. You blinked surprised when he lowered his bow on you.

Stepping closer to you. Getting very close to observe your features. It made you lean back, keeping your gaze away from him. Wondering what drove him this close to you. Perhaps something drove him to you. – “It cannot be.” – he whispered out in shock. You slowly let your gaze go towards him. Slowly recognizing something in them.

Something old and familiar. Something or someone you had long not seen. – “Legolas?” – you said with furrowed brows. The elvish boy nodded with a smile. – “Y/n!” – he repeated gesturing at the others to lower their bows on you. So they did. Legolas smiled brightly, wrapping his arms around you.

“She’s hugging the elf… should we be worried.” – Bifur whispered to Fili. Fili kept glaring at Legolas. You broke the hug free. – “Release my dwarven friends, Legolas.” – you told him. Legolas held a hand on your shoulder, turning you slightly away from them. – “You call these dwarves friends?” – he questioned.

“And you damn well know it!”- Fili called out with an interruption. – “You are trespassing. I have no other choice but to bring them to the Elven king.” – Legolas called out. You stepped away from him, coming to stand with your friends. – “Then you must capture me as well.” – you let out. – “Y/n!” – Legolas whispered to you, letting you know you were doing something stupid. You stood your ground, remaining by their side. – “Take us to your king.” – you told him. Legolas cleared his throat before giving out the signal.

Some elves pushed your friends forwards to march. Legolas falling in step with you. Unable to stop looking at you. Stop looking at the friend he had not seen since childhood so many times ago. A friend he didn’t think he would see again. You glanced back at him, unable to hide your smile. Feeling a little more save with him around.

-------------------------------------

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[balrogballs]

"Bilbo had assumed accusing an elven lord of Tookishness in his own house would result in swift decapitation and not a decades-long camaraderie that both parties truly cherished, but it seemed that in this regard too, the Lord of Imladris defied expectation."

The Peculiar and the Deranged: Moments between Bilbo Baggins, Elrond Peredhel, and the most unprecedented friendship in Middle-Earth, under the cut!

(aka this friendship wasn’t leaving my mind so I wrote this on my phone and drew this with the 3 pencils I had on a train because I’m incapable of being normal about anything)

on Bilbo's first visit to Imladris, featuring Estel's pet snake:

"You had a rat?" Bilbo blinked, hoping Elrond wouldn't notice the snake he was glaring at had initially been curled around his own neck. "Sir."

"I did not have a rat," corrected Elrond imperiously, looking every bit the lord of the valley. "I would never have a rat, I do not approve of rats. My daughter had a rat. Lothinvar, it was called, the bane of my household. Until this terrible creature wormed its way in. The snake that is, not the child, though Estel is not in my good books at the moment either."

on the return journey, after the death of Thorin Oakenshield:

"What can I do? How can I ever move past this?" Bilbo asked quietly, unsure why exactly he was pouring his heart out to a being six thousand years older than him, who must have faced far greater sorrows.

"Grief," Elrond replied, staring intently at him, "tricks you into thinking it’s all you have left. As though if you let it go, even for a moment, you betray him. You hold onto relics like lifelines, thinking what else is there to keep Thorin alive in your mind? It is a lonely life, Bilbo. It will turn you into the loneliest person in the world."

"Is there no way out?" he gasped, looking up at the elf.

"Start small. A smile, perhaps, when you think of a joke he made," Elrond said steadily, like he was reciting a recipe. “And then, try telling someone about him. Perhaps you could tell me. Something new each time you visit, perhaps.”

“You say it like you have experience of it, sir,” ventured Bilbo. “Like you know it by-heart. Did you get past it?”

“I did,” Elrond’s voice was confident, too confident. Bilbo chose not to probe.

"Thorin's nephews?" Elrond asked later, after Bilbo had gathered himself together, mopped himself up. "They were slain too? Both?"

"Yes, both."

"That is good," Elrond had said with a blank, intense smile etched into his features. "That it was both at once."

"What?" Bilbo sat up in shock, spluttering. "Good? What is wrong with you?"

"Were they not twins? Thorin's nephews I recall were twins, no?"

"Brothers. But what difference does that make? What do you mean good? I beg your pardon, my lord, that's an unhinged thing to say!"

"Oh. I am sorry, Bilbo," Elrond shook his head, the awful, blank expression still on his face. "I am sorry, I spoke without thinking. It is only that I had thought they were twins. Do forgive me, I misunderstood, and spoke out of turn."

"Don't worry," Bilbo sighed, finding to his own surprise that he could manage a laugh. "With names like Fili and Kili, it's frankly a surprise they aren't."

He still thought it was a rather unhinged thing for Elrond to say, but, well — Bilbo Baggins had always been fond of the peculiar and the deranged.

on a visit to the Shire, sharing burnt scones

"Cel was — is — remarkable. She had an exceptional appetite for burnt bread: she would go into the kitchens and instruct the staff to deliberately burn sweetbreads, just because she loved the crunch, apparently."

"She sounds like a Shire lass through and through."

Elrond laughed, shaking his head: "I am certain had I brought her to visit, she would never leave. Though she is not made for the rustic life. A total terror of any creature on four legs. The first time I spotted her she was in a garden, standing on the bench screaming, because she had seen an enormous beetle scuttling around the grass."

"Oh, so it was a damsel in distress situation, eh?"

"Quite the contrary," he admitted. "She threw a pair of gardening scissors right at my head, and called me utterly disgusting for the crime of allowing beetles to exist on my property, and threatened to cut off my hair with the same scissors if she ever came across another one. And mind you, this is Celeborn's daughter, and that soul would have married an Ent if Galadriel hadn't come around."

"Well, that truly is a surprise! Did she not even like dear Arwen's little rat?"

"Oh, you remember the rat!" Elrond's eyes shone, genuinely delighted. "If I remember right, she paid our boys to get rid of it and told Arwen she had sent it to, well, your people."

"I will be certain to invent an illustrious Shire-based family tree for the rat, if your Arwen ever gets around to asking."

on a Yule visit, when Bilbo forwent self-preservation, featuring the same snake:

"Oh, it was not I who named the snake after the Mariner, it was my… other father."

"That's impressive, sir. Quite bohemian."

"One would wish," Elrond muttered darkly, pouring himself more wine, as if all the talk of snakes had driven him to drink. "Estel is friendly with Maglor, who along with Maedhros, raised my brother and I. And I had banned all talk of pet snakes until Maglor showed up last year with a present for Estel: his very own snake named Gil-Estel, which they both insist has nothing to do with the Mariner and is simply a play on the child's name. Which I would have believed, if Maglor did not also own a remarkably ugly cat named Thingol."

"When they say you are Half-Elven, Lord Elrond," Bilbo blurted out, after a short, surprised silence. "Do they mean the other half is merely mortal man, or…?"

"Yes, the other half does indeed refer to mortal men," blinked Elrond in surprise, looking something other than perfectly composed for the very first time. "Do you… suspect otherwise?"

"Oh, I was certain there was a bit of Hobbit somewhere. Just your life, you know, your family, all of it," he waved his hands about the valley. "It's a little… well, Tookish."

"What in the world is a Took?"

on a midnight wander in Minas Tirith on the morning of Aragorn’s wedding to Arwen

When Bilbo came across the figure sat on the steps, he was ridiculously old and his memory even more ridiculously ragged, so he didn’t know why it was that he thought, reflexively, it will turn you into the loneliest person in the world. He didn't say a word though, only reached out a hand and sat beside the figure. Elrond didn’t say a word, only grasped the offered fingers so tightly Bilbo's knuckles turned white, held on as he shook. When it passed, he looked away and apologised, sniffing. "Forgive me, my friend, I do not mean to get melancholic, especially not on a day of such joy. I —"

Bilbo cut across him, too old to deal with the elvish tendency to be completely insufferable.

“How did you get past it the last time? With your brother?”

"I have one of the longest memories in this land, yet I cannot truly remember this one thing," the elf smiled bitterly, tapping his nails on the stone steps. "I slept, I think. A lot. I shrunk out of the world until the sheer pain of it no longer clawed at me. But I cannot do that, Bilbo. Now, I have duties, responsibilities. I have kings to oversee, a valley to hand over and a people for whom I must keep up something of a brave face. There is no longer any room for the small death I was permitted last time."

Elrond sighed. "You must think I am terribly privileged, or that I have too grandiose an idea about my place in this world."

"No, I was just thinking how unfair it is," said Bilbo quietly. "So unfair that for you there is a last time and now a this time."

Elrond, in tears again, was looking at him with an almost obscene gratefulness, as if Bilbo had done him some enormous kindness and not something any friend would do, looked at him in a way that made the hobbit think again, inexplicably, the loneliest person in the world.

“I’m sorry,” said the lord, catching his friend’s expression. “You should not be h-“

"Shut up," Bilbo huffed, looking truly offended, rolling his eyes. "You're insufferable, do you know that? Stop acting like you've jumped off a damned cliff before my eyes, Elrond. I'm starting to think elven history would have been a lot less bloody and tragic had more of you — and I mean that Fëanor, mainly, but the rest of you too — appreciated the value of a good cry. Emotional constipation is just as bad as the real thing, you know. And you can be sure I'll tell old Fëanor that to his face when I see him."

Elrond blinked, then laughed. "Oh, Bilbo, I am glad you found your way back to Imladris this year, I truly am."

"And I, in turn,” Bilbo found himself saying, cursing the fact that his memory decided to make its wondrous reappearance that night. “Am equally glad our mutual friend Aragorn tried to bribe me to put his pet snake in your office that very first day."

on a ship in the sundering seas, far too early

"Suffering from a spot of morning sickness, are we?"

"My apologies, Bilbo," Elrond stumbled back into Bilbo's cabin from the privy, looking only slightly less green than he had when he left it. "Please do not make any sudden movements."

"I am only pleased that you and I are now such intimate friends that you feel comfortable enough to throw up your breakfast in my bathroom. Maybe you should come around and do it every morning to wake me up, like the world’s most useless cockerel."

"It was not by choice, as you very well know," Elrond muttered, downing a swig of ground herbs and honey from a bottle in his pocket. "My mortal heritage does, unfortunately, mean there are some weaknesses to the constitution. Perhaps this is why it was Elros who took ship for Numenor and not I."

"Well, that, and you couldn't resist micromanaging six thousand years of Middle-Earth now, could you?" chortled Bilbo, settling down in a plush chair and laying his walking stick by his side. "Mortality is all well and good, but heaven forbid you lose a chance to develop domestic policy over the continental grain trade. Besides, and I don't want to be the one who brings it up, but…"

"Elbereth, what now?"

"Your father was known as the Mariner, you know," Bilbo snorted. "As in, the seafaring sort, no? It would truly be such a shame if someone were to… write a poem about the mis-inheritance of seasi—"

"Write that poem, Bilbo Baggins, and I will personally petition Ulmo to turn you into seaweed."

in the house of Elrond in Aman, with the chattiest woman Bilbo has ever encountered (which is saying something)

"I only burned that layer because you made me do it, mind you. You really are as remarkable as he said you were," Bilbo blurted out as she picked out pink sugared biscuits with a dark crust that he knew to be from burning. He had even spread jam on them for a second layer of sweetness. "Mad and irritating, to be frank, but remarkable. I am truly glad to know you, Celebrìan — not as Elrond's wife, but, well."

He gestured at her weakly, meant the peculiar and the deranged. She understood.

"Yes, I do pity all the folk that know me as Elrond's dead wife," she wrinkled her nose, sitting down by him and grabbing a second burnt biscuit. "And considering my poor husband's approach to grieving, and all the laments Lindir said he's made him compose, that is what most end up knowing me as. It is quite a pity, I am as you say, delightful. Oh, Bilbo, this is amazing! So wonderful, I didn't think pastries could be this sweet!”

"No, not when your cheapskate of a husband is in charge of the rations," he said in a carrying whisper. "In the Shire though, we know how to live."

"Who are we referring to as a cheapskate then?"

"The elf who implemented a sugar tax in his valley," said Celebrian dryly. "You may know him. Have a biscuit!"

"I would truly rather nail myself to the birch," he said dryly, picking up a piece of bread. "I do not get the logic behind oversweetening victuals. Impractical, unnecessary."

"Oh," Celebrían clapped her hands to her mouth. "Of course! The Lord Elrond grew up amidst the War of Wrath! Surely, he has not mentioned that to you, has he? He never does!"

"Ah, that he was raised in military conditions by a couple of kinslayers?" chuckled Bilbo. "No, not at all. Not once. He certainly never brought it up in our first ever conversation. Should we ask him to expand?"

[basil--and--sage]

Fíli is the kind of person, who when woken up by a crash at 3 AM and coming upon a raccoon, that fell through the ceiling and is actively rampaging his apartment, will softly sigh "aww man", before putting on a bike helmet and oven mitts and getting a broom to gently herd it out of the door, while Kíli goes apeshit in the background and stands on a chair and shrieks.

[cowboybeepboop]

The only one

“Kili, you can’t tell anyone about this.” “So it’s our dirty little secret then?”

Paring: Kili Durin x afab reader

Genre: romantic smut

Word count: 2.2k

Summary: You’re Bilbo's adopted human daughter and he takes you along on the journey. Kili has his heart set on you and after getting involved in the fight he gets angry with you for putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

Warnings: public sex, arguing, jealous Kili, hickeys, p in v sex, hickeys??? Idk what else I always forget

a/n: I did not proofread and its lowkey a summary of the first movie? This is my first smut regarding anyone in the tolkien universe but I did write some sad fluff at some point lmao. Anyways, please like and send any requests if you want <3 tags go absolutely wild

You’ve been an adopted hobbit for the last 18 years of your life, Bilbo was always comforted in the known so when he brought you along with him and the dwarfs on their journey you were beyond surprised. Your presence was unexpected for everyone, except Gandalf of course, and most of the company was against your involvement. The dwarves saw you as frail and weak, the only one on your side was your dad, but of course he was.

Kili has kept an eye out for you since you joined the company, he makes sure you're safe and also just enjoys looking at you.

__________

When Elrond and his fellow elves come back the dwarves pull you and your father behind them and create a circle around you. You stay behind your Bilbo as the elves talk with Gandalf.

Upon your entrance to their dining room you look around with wonder, you sit down between Kili and your dad. “They're so beautiful,” you whisper to Bilbo, he nods with a gentle but awkward smile. Kili’s ears twitch as he looks around, his eyes narrow on an elf who has his eyes on you, he moves closer to you wrapping his arm around you.

“You think so?” Kili questions, his jaw clenching slightly, “I think us dwarves are better looking, stronger too.” he says pridefully, you chuckle in response.

“Is it a competition now?” you cock your head, “You’re very good looking too, Kili.” he smiles wide.

“Is that so? I am the best looking of all of the company, aside from Thorin of course.” you laugh, putting your hand on his arm.

“A bit full of yourself huh?” he shoves your shoulder gently in response. Kilis arms finds its way around your waist as he continues to glare at the elf who dared to look at you, who did he even think he was.

Gandalf, Bilbo, and Thorin wander off with Lord Elrond, leaving you with the dwarfs. You watch quietly, laughing with them and listening to their conversations before you feel yourself drifting off to sleep. Kili quietly sits next to you letting your head fall to his shoulder he smiles, covering you up with a blanket.

__________

After the company left the palace Thorin led everyone to the Misty Mountains, Kili keeps you in front of him. He insists that it’s better that way so if you fall he can catch you. As the rain picks up your feet slip under you, Kili and Fili grasp your arms quickly, pulling you back onto the ledge.

“Thank you,” you say softly as your eyes look over the ledge. Kili keeps a hold of your arm tightly as you all try to avoid the stone giant's blasts. The ground splits under your feet as the mountain takes shape as a giant, you grab onto the stone behind you before everyone begins to slide forward.

The stone giant slams into the mountain, throwing everyone off of it and onto the ground. Thorin yells for his nephews as the rest of the company runs over, Kili helps you up dusting your clothes off and checking to make sure you weren’t hurt anywhere.

After all the commotion everyone settles into the cave, Bilbo pulls you off to the side and quietly talks to you, he tells you about his plan to leave once everyone is asleep. “Why dad? What's wrong?” you whisper to him.

“Thorin is right, we never should've left home, I’ve put you in danger and I can’t let anything else happen to you.” he sighs as he runs his hand through your hair, “It’s okay, we’ll be fine.” he smiles reassuringly.

You both gather all of your stuff and sneak out, he leads you by the hand. He pulls you behind him as he talks with Bofur, you stay quiet looking around the cave. You didn’t really want to leave the company, I mean they were becoming your friends, you enjoyed the company.

“Y/N?” Kili mumbles as he looks up at you, he yawns. “Where are you going?” You crouch down putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Go back to sleep Kili, you need your rest,” you smile sweetly.

The floor splits and you slip down with everyone, Bilbo gets away but you are guided off with the dwarves. Your eyes fill with terror as you look around, you take a hold of Kilis hand squeezing tight as the goblins push you all around. You cower behind him, holding onto his shirt tightly.

Once you get out the dwarves all argue over where your dad went, your head drops as you think that your dad couldn't possibly have left you all alone. He reappears and you rush over to hug him, his hands drop to your waist as he smiles.

“Y/N!” Kili and Bilbo yell at you as you try to defend the dwarves with your small blade; it goes into the center of the wargs head, and Kili grabs you and pulls you up to the tree with him. His hand wrapping around your waist as he holds you close.

“Don’t move,” Kili’s voice is angry as he demands you to stay put. His hands dig into your slides as you look below your feet. Kili’s hands slip away as they start to throw the pinecones, the tree begins to fall, you grasp onto the trunk as tight as you can. His hands wrap around the tree, his eyes focused on you.

As Thorin and your father begin to fight the orcs, your eyes squeeze shut tightly, you try to focus on anything but the attack of Thorin. Kili pulls you up and onto the ground, insisting you stay put as they go to fight. You look forward, clutching the blade you retrieved from the corpse tight. As all of the commotion ensues you feel yourself being picked up by an eagle.

Once you all are in a safe place you watch as Gandalf helps heal Thorin. You stand next to your dad, holding onto his arm, as Thorin goes in for a hug you let go of him and move back. Your eyes wander to Kili who turns his head in order to avoid eye contact with you.

As the company moves forward you come across an area close to a river, Gandalf suggests that you all take a break and bathe. You and Kili were the last to go, you were paired up at the recommendation of Fili.

Kili guides you to the river, holding his weapon close to his chest, he’s been giving you the silent treatment after you got in between a fight. “You can bathe here, I’ll keep watch.” his voice stern.

“Kili..” your voice trails off as you look at his back, trying to pull his attention to you.

“Y/N, just take your bath. It’s getting dark.” Kili’s tone is extremely cold. You pout your lips as you begin pulling your clothing off slowly, once you finish you slip into the cold water.

“You can turn back now,” you say softly before you dip all the way under the water, holding your breath and squeezing your eyes shut. After a while you break the surface of the water sliding your hands over your face pulling the water back with your hair. Kili had turned around keeping his eyes on everything but you.

“Kili,” you wave him over, “come here, please.” you bite your lip as he gives you a bored expression.

“What is it?” he walks close to the bank of the river, his eyes scanning your face.

“Shouldn’t you join me? You're supposed to bathe as well,” he sighs, turning his back to you again.

“Fine, turn away.” he sets down his sword and strips quickly. You face the other way as he slips into the water with you.

“Kili, what is your problem?” you huff, spinning around with your arms crossed over your breasts.

“What do you mean?” his eyes are half closed as he looks at you with a slightly annoyed expression.

You move closer to him, “I mean, you’re acting so rude for no reason. You won’t look at me, you barely talk to me, you’re being so dumb” you glare at him, “So what is your problem?” he rolls his eyes at you.

“I don’t know maybe the fact that you threw yourself into harm's way? You could’ve gotten yourself killed,” he yells at you while running his hand through his hair.

“Calm down Kili,” you move close to him, putting your hand on his arm. “I didn’t expect you to get all worked up like this, I know I should have been more careful but I just wanted to help.” your eyebrows furrow as you look down.

His warm hands grasp your upper arms “You really worried me Y/N,” he presses his forehead against yours.

“You worried about me?” a sly smile paints itself on your lips, “does that mean you like me Kili?” your voice is soft and teasing. His ears turn a deep shade of crimson as he turns his head up.

“Y/N cut that out,” he puts his hand on the side of your neck, his eyes flick to your lips.

“Cut what out?” you wrap your arms around his neck pulling yourself close to him.

“You know what,” he clenches his jaw, your hands running down his back as you wrap your legs around his hips.

Kili pulls your face to his, hovering his lips over yours “Quit teasing me,” he whispers. Your hand snakes up to the back of his head, cradling it as you push your lips against his. His hands move to your waist, his fingers dig into your soft flesh as he hugs you tighter against him.

“Mahal,” he pulls away, pressing soft kisses down your face and onto your neck. You lean back letting his lips trail over your body, your nails scratch his scalp softly as you arch into him.

“Amrâlimê,” he whispers against your collarbone, “you’re driving me insane,” Kili groans. He grasps your face pulling you in for an intimate kiss, he’s getting more intense with his affections, his hands squeezing your hips roughly.

Your hand trails down his chest tracing every muscle on his stomach, he begins grinding against you while holding your hips against him. Pulling away from the kiss you gasp for air, leaning your head against his shoulder, you wrap your hands in his hair pulling it off to the side. Kissing his neck roughly you begin to leave soft marks on his flesh as he massages your ass.

“Y/N..” he mumbles into your ear, you moan softly as he picks you up, moving into shallow water. “Can we..?” his ears flush as he looks away, “I mean, would you mind?” you chuckle softly.

“Mhm,” you move your hips against his thigh, feeling him twitch underneath you. “But we’ll have to be quick..” you kiss his shoulder as his hands pull your hips up, he lines himself up with your hole, pushing the tip in.

“Let me know if it hurts,” he says gently, his hand finding its way to your neck grabbing ahold of it pulling your head back as you moan softly. He bucks his hips up into you, leaning forward you bury your face into his nape hugging him tight as you moan into his skin.

“My precious girl,” he groans as he slowly begins moving your hips up and down, his fingers digging into your soft skin, leaving red marks. You moan into his ear as you begin riding him, your arms wrap tight around his neck, eyebrows furrowing as you squeeze around his dick.

Kili cradles your head against him, holding you as close as he can, thrusting up into you pushing as deep as he can. Your head falls onto his shoulder, he moves a hand down to your sensitive clit, rubbing circles into it.

“I’m so close,” you moan, Kili nods in response.

“Me too,” he groans, his hands exploring every part of your body as he pulls you into a passionate kiss.

“Hey, Y/N, Kili, hurry it up.” Fili yells to you, causing the both of you to jolt up. Kili pushes himself into you as deep as he can. You bite your lip as you cum around him, your hole pulsing.

Your back arches, silent gasps leaving your open mouth as you ride out your high. Your whole body seems to tense up causing Kili to groan while he cums deep inside you. He pulls you off of him giving you a sweet kiss.

“Now we really need to clean up, and fast.” He says lowly, his hands creep up from behind you gasping your sides as he pulls you into deeper water to rinse off. You sigh contently as he holds your body close to his.

After quickly cleaning yourselves up; you both get out, drying off before putting your clothes back on.

“Kili, you can’t tell anyone about this.” you bite your lip as you turn to him, his eyebrows furrow. “Bilbo might actually get so mad he tries to kill you,” you giggle softly as his face relaxes.

“So it’s our dirty little secret then?” coming close to you he wraps his arms around your neck giving you a deep kiss. “But we will get to tell everyone later, right?” he pulls back, eyes scanning yours.

“Yes, Kili,” you kiss the tip of his nose, hands resting on his shoulders, “but let's wait it out for a bit, okay?” he smiles in response.

[teddy06writes]

Whumptober Masterlist/Overview

Hey guys! I'm going to be attempting to participate in Whumptober this year (though admittedly I did kind of mash together a few different prompt lists). I have about 20 days planned out right now, and I really hope to get through them, but no guarantees unfortunately, because I do have other stuff going on in my life. Also most of these are in fact just going to be hurt/comfort because I am a weak man. Also yes I am aware that the variation in these characters is kind of insane, don't come at me.

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Day One - Survivors Guilt/"It's not your fault." - Robert 'Bob' Floyd - An accident during a training hop leaves your WSO badly injured, and you can't help but blame yourself. Bob makes it his mission to convince you otherwise.

Day Two - Migraines - Darry Curtis - Juggling a migraine and the Curtis gang is not the easiest thing in the world. Luckily, Darry is there to come to your rescue and tell the others off

Day Three - Overstimulation - Diego Hargreeves - (1960s, autistic Reader) - Between the prison break, Diego's strange brother, and home movie footage showing the assassination of the president, your not sure how much more you can take.

Day Four- Field medicine/"Hang on, we're going to have to improvise." - Fili - Even with the battle beginning to turn in your favor, there are still many losses to come, no matter how hard you work to prevent them.

Day Five - "You don't need to earn this." - Tommy Shelby - When your surprises and gentle treatment catch Tommy by surprise, he questions what he'd done to deserve it.

Day Six - Hostile environment/"I don't know how anyone could survive that." - Alfie Solomons - (War Era, Male Reader) - A poorly planned attack leaves you stuck in no mans land. Even if you make it back to the so called "safety" of the English trenches, nothing will ever be the same.

Day Seven - Needles/Stitching - John Shelby - After being sent on another needless errand by his brother, John returns late, exhausted and bloody.

Day Eight - Panic Attack - Aaron Hotchner - When a case that hits too close to home has too many missing pieces, and seemingly no end, you can't help but fall prey to a growing sense of panic.

Day Nine - Falling Asleep in a hospital room - Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw - When a training incident gone wrong lands Bradley in the hospital, you take it upon yourself to stay with him.

Day Ten - "Shhh, I've got you now, I'm here." - Alfie Solomons - Sabini's men kidnap you in a desperate attempt to get a leg up on your husband. When Alfie finds out, he's ready to burn the world down to get to you.

Day Eleven - Chronic pain - Boromir - The first day of a cold spell causes your pain to flare up, but you're determined to grit your teeth through the pain. Boromir however, is determined to get you to rest.

Days Twelve - Fourteen Break Days

Day Fifteen - Hiding an Injury - Aragorn - Somewhere in the thicket of Helms Deep, you're injured, but in the chaos that follows, doing anything about it seems to slip your mind.

Day Sixteen - "I did good, right?" - Umbrella Academy Unit - A mission gone wrong forces you to over use your powers, pushing you too far.

Day Seventeen - Bleeding Through Bandages - Kili - After being injured in escaping the Orcs, Oin does his best to heal you, but miles down the road, it doesn't seem to be enough.

Day Eighteen - Nightmare - Alfie Solomons - Night after night, you are plagued with nightmares, and Alfie seems to be the only thing that can cure them.

Day Nineteen - Scars - Diego Hargreeves - While patching Diego up after a fight, you see his scars for the first time.

Day Twenty - "Who did this to you?" - Dallas Winston - You get jumped, Dally plots revenge.

Day Twenty One - "You haven't done anything wrong." - Aaron Hotchner - (Autistic reader) - After a particularly long day, you find yourself overwhelmed and unsure. Luckily Aaron is there to help you calm down, no matter how much you protest.

Day Twenty Two - Chronic Pain (again) - Alife Solomons - Getting Alfie to take a day off when his sciatica is bothering him is a full time job.

Day Twenty Three - Exhaustion - Darry Curtis - Darry has been working himself to the utter bone. You take it upon yourself to make him rest.

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These might not get posted consecutively, but I'll do my best.

[midwestgp]

Hello! After a good few weeks of combing through lots of data, I have coherent numbers for your viewing pleasure. This whole thing birthed from the hypothesis that past BTS fans now liked Charles and quickly grew from there. I am happy to say that many of my suspicions were confirmed and some surprises arose along the way. Thank you to everyone who participated and took the time to relive some great or not-so-great memories. Enjoy!

Some Notes Before Hand:

Combing through this data was a bit challenging. I tried to find data points that most fans would find interesting. To help give myself some sort of a guide I chose one of the top subjects in each category and analyzed the data attached to them. I will probably look back into this stuff more in the future, but trying to find points for everyone is a wild goose chase. That being said, if you notice something I do not, please let me know! I want to hear what you all think that's why I made this :)

Favorite Drivers (current grid):

So this was a bit surprising, but I think it was caused mainly by my wording. According to this graph, out of 346 users, Oscar Piastri is currently the most popular driver by a long shot. While I do think Oscar is very well loved, I do not think this is true at all. Because I allowed participants to choose more than one driver it became less of a true ranking and more "these are the drivers people think most positively of currently". I think if I asked everyone to pick one person Oscar would not be at the top and more likely around the 3rd-5th range. Other than Oscar it is also important to note my audience certainly had an effect on the results. Things are probably skewed slightly towards other drivers than they are realistically, but I still think this is pretty close.

For the future keep the numbers up here in mind and our top three, Oscar, Charles and Max, will be important. All pipelines are based off and cross referenced with this data set.

Drivers on Past Grids:

No surprises here! I did not do any pipelines attached to any of the data on this graph so this question was just for fun.

Anime and Manga:

Sports anime! Competition! Yippee! This is about exactly what I thought would happen. It makes perfect sense that the sports anime is popular in the sport community. Also, it was really fun reading some of your less than enthusiastic previous fandom experiences and memories.

Pipelines:

31/69 Haikyuu!! fans said that Max was one of their favorite drivers.

Also chances are that if you watched Haikyuu!! you also watched My Hero Academia because 29/69 Haikyuu!! fans also clicked My Hero Academia.

Max was the most popular person in this category as a whole and that does not shock me even slightly.

Favorite Characters:

Izuku Midoriya and Bakugou Katsuki from My Hero Academia

Tobio Kageyama from Haikyuu!!

Russia from Hetalia

L from Death Note

Levi Ackerman from Attack On Titan

Saiki K. from The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.

Literature:

I probably have the least commentary on this section. A lot of the books I love don't have dedicated fan bases attached to them (I wish they did) so I needed help when making this question. I have no clue what a lot of these are but I'm glad that you all enjoyed them.

Pipelines:

My Hypothesis for this was "are past Harry Potter fans more likely to like drivers with British accents?"

100/152 Harry Potter fans said that either Lando, Lewis, George or Alex was one of their favorite drivers. Considering that none of these drivers are in our top three I'd say I was correct.

Favorite Characters:

Draco from Harry Potter

Newt from The Maze Runner

Kili from The Hobbit

Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice

Percy Jackson from Percy Jackson

Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games

Alice Cullen from Twilight

Comics, Cartoons, Graphic Novels:

I was not previously aware of the amount of comic and graphic novel fans in Flblur! I thought at first that these numbers were coming from MCU and DCU fans (some them surely but that's besides the point), but after consulting my council (princess george cord) I quickly learned that there are a lot of comic fans.

Pipelines:

When looking at the Marvel Comics numbers, this was one of the most diverse sections when comparing it to favorite drivers. This group leaned more towards the middle of the pack rather than our top three.

That being said Max and Lewis were our most popular contenders here. 36/93 Marvel Comics fans liked Max and 33/93 Marvel Comics fans liked Lewis.

I personally feel like this makes a ton of sense.

Favorite Characters:

Lance, Keith, Shiro and Pidge from Voltron: Legendary Defender

Zuko and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Dipper and Mable Pines from Gravity Falls

Garnet from Steven Universe

Tony Stark, Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes and Deadpool from Marvel Comics

Fluttershy from My Little Pony

Fandom RPF (no music):

Looking at this section now, my labels could be a bit confusing. Chances are if you are a fan of a person in the Minecraft RPF category they also probably fit into both the YouTuber RPF and Streamer RPF categories. I made these separate from each other based on if I felt they had enough history and content to overpower other names who would fall in there. Phandom has so much history at this point that if I bunched it in with Youtuber RPF it would kind of feel disrespectful (and I wasn't even involved in it). Anyways, I decided to focus on Minecraft RPF for the pipeline in this section just because I felt like I could analyze it more closely even though it isn't the top spot.

Pipelines:

So my hypothesis for this section was that the fans of Minecraft RPF would generally be more attracted to the younger people on the grid, like 2019 rookies and onward.

Something stood out very quickly and it was the amount of Logan and Oscar fans. The numbers aren't staggering or anything, but there's certainly a pipeline here.

23/62 Logan fans like Minecraft RPF and 49/197 Oscar fans liked Minecraft RPF. As a pairing, 16 Minecraft RPF fans liked both. Now this probably doesn't seem like a lot, but if you compare it with Lando's numbers (because Lando and Oscar is Oscar's most popular pairing) its kinda clear there's something different here. Only 18/88 Lando fans were previously Minecraft RPF fans.

Favorite People:

Dan and Phil

Technoblade

Ranboo

Markiplier

Smosh

Movie and Film:

It is not shock the amount of Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars and DC Universe fans there are in F1blur. I was a bit surprised by the lack of spread overall though, though who am I too judge I would really only attach myself to like two of these. Originally I did not want to look at the MCU in for this sections pipeline because I looked at the comics earlier, but the results were surprisingly different.

Pipelines:

Ok, so previously in the Marvel Comics section the two most popular people were Max and Lewis. Here things are a bit different though Max and Lewis and still popular.

The standouts here this time are Alex and Yuki! 41/88 Alex fans liked the MCU and 46/73 Yuki fans liked the MCU.

It is also worth mentioning that 93/167 Oscar fans liked the MCU too.

Favorite Characters:

Loki, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Black Widow and Peter Parker from the Marvel Cinematic Universe

Poe, Finn, Luke Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi and the Clones from Star Wars.

Merlin from Kingsman

Q from the James Bond Franchise

Music and Band RPF (no kpop):

I mean, it's what is says on the tin. One Direction being the most popular band in F1blur makes perfect sense, no comment. It also makes sense that Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots and Fall Out Boy are so similar in numbers. I am kind of curious on how people interact with fandom spaces with some of these artists, but those are questions for another time.

Pipelines:

Although I did not poll anything to do with shipping, I am going to talk about it here. It did not shock me that Charles and Max were popular here.

53/143 Charles fans were One Direction fans and 51/130 Max fans were One Direction fans too.

28/108 One Direction Fans chose both Max and Charles. I am sort of pointing at possible Larry and Lestappen connections. Yeah.

Also lots of George and Lewis fans here.

Favorite People:

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles from One Direction

Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance

George Harrison from The Beatles

Luke Hemmings from Five Seconds of Summer

Kpop:

This is our smallest yes category...I will admit, I was shocked by the lack of Kpop fans from the poll. I assumed that because a lot of my F1 friends and moots were previous Kpop people that this would be similar for everyone else. I now see I am wrong. I am a little sad about it to be honest. Anyways, BTS was the most popular and no one bats an eye. Though I predicted EXO and Blackpink would have placed higher.

Pipelines:

I wanted to focus on Charles for this one because him and BTS is why I did this whole thing.

Would it surprise you if 1/5 Charles fans were also BTS fans? Because it's real and I think that's amazing.

I crave to know what this fraction of the Charles fandom thinks about Jungkook because I know it's not normal :).

Favorite People:

Kim Namjoon (RM), Min Yoongi (Suga) and Jeon Jungkook from BTS

Bangchan and Lee Know from Stray Kidz

Jennie from Blackpink

TV Shows:

This was our biggest yes category! The TV section has such a nice spread and it was one of the most fun sections to study in my opinion. I am not super into any TV Show fandoms so I also learned a lot here. These series are topics I will see in the trending tab, but know literal zero about. I am glad that you all seem to love these shows because that makes total sense since F1 is also TV.

Pipelines:

Ok so I don't know much about Sherlock. When trying to find a pipeline here I just took a lot of numbers from each driver and waited for something to stick.

Imagine my shock when the standout was Fernando! 23/71 Fernando fans also chose Sherlock. Thats about 32%. Middle aged men for the win.

Favorite Characters:

Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf

Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley from Stranger Things

Sam and Dean Winchester and Castiel from Supernatural

Hannibal Lector from Hannibal

The 10th, 11th and 12th Doctors from Doctor Who

Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens

Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock

Theater:

Ah yes... theater. If I could go back and redo this I would LOVE to know what extracurriculars everyone did in school because I think that would pair with all this so well. Again, it is not surprising that Hamilton is the fan favorite. Romance, competition, war, betrayal, it has it all and so does F1 (and Heathers too now that I think about it).

Pipelines:

I was practically flabbergasted by this section because it was immediately apparent that Hamilton fans go crazy for Oscar.

Out of the 91 people that said they were Hamilton fans... 74 of them also said they liked Oscar.

I do not know why this is. I thought George and Lewis were gonna be the stand outs here and they weren't. I'm a little bit confused, but at least you all sorta agree on something.

Favorite Characters:

Lafayette, John Laurens and Angelica Schuyler from Hamilton

JD and Veronica from Heathers

Enjolras and Grantaire from Les Misérables

Video Games:

Last Category, woo! Ok since I already focused on Minecraft and yapped on that a lot we are going to instead look at Detroit: Become Human. This section had the best spread overall which was nice to see. I knew the most about this section so I thought is was funny seeing how high Five Nights at Freddy's was. Though I forgot to add some of my own favorite games sadly. There's also probably a lot more pipelines here than I realize and I am sorry that I can't look into more of them.

Pipelines:

I knew coming in that Detroit: Become Human was going to be popular though I was surprised it beat out Five Night's At Freddy's.

I was not surprised though it find that George and Lewis were very popular amongst these fans.

16/43 Detroit: Become Human fans were fans of George and/or Lewis, the vast majority being both.

Favorite Characters:

Zelda and Link from The Legend of Zelda

Ghost and Soap from Call of Duty

Zagreus from Hades

Connor from Detroit: Become Human

Ganyu from Genshin Impact

Leon S. Kennedy from Resident Evil

Change In Pace: About You

So after asking all these fandom based questions I wanted to ask two about each individual: age and time spent watching. I think it's important to also study how time effects people in fandom and the fandom space as well.

Age:

For this section I looked at the average number of drivers picked during the first question. I predicted that the older you were, the less drivers you would say were your favorite and I was correct.

Below 18: 4.07 range: 1-10

18-22: 3.44 range: 1-9

23-25: 3.38 range: 1-13

26-29: 3.42 range: 1-10

30-35: 3.26 range: 1-6

36+: 2.53 range: 1-5

Time Watching F1:

I did the same analysis here as I did with the age question, so the longer you've been watching the less drivers you would say were your favorite. I was surprised by the amount of people who have been watching for less than a year (not that there's anything wrong with that). Also "My Whole Life" is a separate category because I figure it is at least 15+ and it has the added idea that F1 might be more than just a hobby to you. Finally, the orange and red are 10+(10 votes) and 15+ years (9 votes).

Less Than A Year: 3.58 , range: 1-10

1 Year: 3.62 , range: 1-11

2 Years: 3.34 , range: 1-13

3 Years: 3 , range: 1-7

4 Years: 4.19 , range: 1-9

5+ Years: 3.52 , range: 1-7

10+ Years: 3.7 , range: 2-7

15+ Years: 2.77 , range: 1-6

My Whole Life: 2.92 , range: 1-8

The End and Final Thoughts:

I am tired. This took probably 50-60 hours to do. I don't want to type anything or count Oscar's name ever again. Besides that, this was a lot of fun. Thank you to everyone who took part in this survey. Many of you left very nice and funny messages for me. Thank you to everyone who caught errors and let me know. Thank you to the wonderful people of princess George cord for their support and help. And thank you to anyone who actually reads this. I am very hungry.

If anyone notices any errors or inconsistencies please tell me and I will try my best to fix them. I am no scholar, but I really did try my best to make this as true as possible.

P.S - Thank you to Game Theory for being my background noise for the majority of this.

Midwestgp (koyya) <3

[rottencherrypie]

R-18+; To Please a Woman (Kili x Reader)

Summary - Kili learns how to please a woman with his fingers.

Warnings - Smut, language, afab!reader (could possibly be read differently), fingering (reader receiving), sexually innocent!Kili, Kili needs to cut his goddamn nails, mention of bodily fluids (reader), mention of female genitalia (reader), reader whimpers, squirting, hinted at dom!Reader (more towards the end), lowkey praise kink (Kili).

Pronouns & POV - None, third-person

Word Count - 1,200+

A/N - Another suggested smut! "Reader teaches Kili about sex and how to pleasure an AFAB." — @violetteshoneybee (please correct me if I have tagged the wrong person!) I have wanted to write more Kili smuts for a while, so thank you for this suggestion and for your kind words! I hope you enjoy! The reader has no defining features other than soft lips (I might have written plump too, I am unsure if I did). Smut below the cut!

Read on AO3 Read on Wattpad

An all too familiar harmony danced throughout the air, the melody of your uneven breaths accompanied by the squelching click of your eager cunt swayed throughout the air. Yet, this time, the sound was not due to your fingers.

The deep stretch of the youngest dwarven prince's fingers delved deep within your cunt, opening up your moistened, spongy walls as they began to curve into you. His nervous, honey-colored gaze bore up at you as the roughness of his calloused thumb softly grazed between your wet folds, seeking out that sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Am I...doing this right?" His question was no louder than a whisper, almost masked by the oozing sounds of pleasure your sopping cunt made around his thick digits. "Yes, gods, yes." The weight of your head tilted backward as you breathed out a response, relishing in the steady speed at which the dwarf's fingers roamed within your cunt.

The soft blur of his auburn hair caught within your view for a moment before the lids of your eyes began to flutter, his thick fingers curling upwards inside of your damp walls—the tips of his nails scraping against your most sensitive, spongy spot in the process.

A soft hiss slipped through your plump lips, causing the dwarf's fingers to halt as his eyes widened in fear. "Fuck, did I hurt you? I am so sorry, we can stop—" The pitch of his voice rose in panic as the fullness of his fingers began to glide back from you. "Kili, I am okay." You quickly assured, your hand moving just as fast as it wrapped around the dwarf's wrist: stopping the length of his fingers from departing from the warmth of your walls any further.

"But you hissed." Kili spoke, his voice no louder than a worried whisper as his gaze bore into you. Looking like a puppy who had been kicked. "I hissed because you need to trim your nails." You explained gently as you slowly slid the length of his fingers back into you, relishing in the slow stretch of his thick digits as a pleased sigh slipped out of your lips.

"O-Oh..." The dwarf stuttered out, his gaze softening as he watched how your warmth swallowed him whole. How the tightness of your cunt stretched around his fingers, devouring them with such ease before they slid slightly out of your, a ring of white around the base of them before they re-entered you—rinse and repeat. "I didn't know...I am sorry." He whispered as his fingers slowly fell back to their previous speed, each curve of his fingers far more gently as they softly bumped against your most delicate spots.

"It is alright, Kili. You are doing great." You breathed, the words dripping with pleasure as you slowly released his wrist from your grasp. The softness of your hand slid down from his wrist to the top of his hands, the tips of your fingers sliding atop the top of his hand—trailing over the veins and his knuckles before reaching the top of his thumb. "Here, let me help you with that." The corners of your lips curved into a reassuring smile as you slowly connected his thumb with your sensitive bundle of nerves; a spark of electricity flooded your veins the moment his rough, calloused thumb came into contact with your twitching clit.

"What do I, erm," Kili began, his thumb lightly pressing into your sensitive clit, causing your back to arch in pleasure. "What do I do?" He whispered, the heat of his gaze burning onto your heavenly figure as he watched your lower abdomen twitch in pleasure at the varied sensations.

"You should—fuck!" The words died upon your tongue as you felt the thickness of his fingers spread out slightly, stretching the inner walls of your core before returning together as the dwarf experimented inside you. "Was that okay?" He questioned softly, slowly beginning to fan out his fingers inside of you yet again, causing your eyes to loop back in pleasure at the sensation. "Gods, yes." You breathed, a smile returning to your lips as you sunk into the snapping motions of his thick fingers inside you.

"Just like that." You sighed in pleasure, almost lost in a trance at the sensations as the dwarf continued his experiments. "Move your thumb." You managed to utter, the lids of your eyes fluttering softly as the weight of your head sunk back further—back arched, pressing the weight of your cunt further into his palm as his fingers moved in and out of your wetness.

"Like this?" His question was barely audible to you the moment his calloused thumb began to dance upon your clit. The pressure grew slightly as small, delicate circles swirled upon it—making your wet walls quiver around the thickness of his fingers. "Gods, yes!" A strained cry of pleasure fell from your lips as your hand dropped from his, now clawing at the furs you rested upon.

The dwarven prince continued his ministrations; there was little rhyme or reason for the pace and variety of movements his fingers did inside of you—snapping, then curling, once even twisting to see how far he could turn his hand with your cunt upon it—yet it was nonetheless pleasurable for you.

As a familiar tingle began to rise from the tips of your toes, you mindlessly bucked your hips into his palm. It started slow, little motions showing he was hitting the right spots as your mewls of pleasure filled the room, but soon turned to you fucking yourself upon his fingers.

Instead of a single utter of complaints, the dwarven prince began to match the pace at which you fucked yourself on his palm. Pulling his hand back as you slid away and meeting your cunt with a snap as you lowered yourself to the base of his thick fingers. All the while, his thumb continued the steady pattern of circles on your clit, applying various amounts of pressure—one moment delicate, the next harsh enough to nearly burn out of pain and pleasure—lulling you to the edge.

It only took a few more thrusts of the dwarf's fingers to turn you into a quivering mess. The room filled with the sound of your pleasure as your essence oozed out of your cunt, dripping down the palm of the prince's hand and rolling down his forearm to his elbow as your inner walls clenched his fingers in a tight grasp.

"Fuck..." You breathed, the weight of your body sinking into the bed as you went limp on the dwarf's palm. The room buzzed, a faint ringing within your ears as your eyes blurred with ecstasy—yet you could still see the smug grin upon the auburn-haired dwarf's lips.

"So..." Kili began, the slow glide of his fingers departing from your cunt caused a soft whimper to fall from your lips—a whimper? You had never made that noise with anyone else. "Did I do good?" The innocent question seemed to ground you in reality as a soft rumble of laughter spread throughout your chest.

The soft blur of your head nodding widened the grin upon his thin lips as the warmth of pride began to spread throughout the center of his chest. "You did great, Kili." You breathed, the bed creaking slightly as you slowly rose onto your forearms. "But next time, cut your damn nails." "Yes, ma'am." He replied quickly; the joking title sent a pleasurable tingle down your spine—but you would deal with that another day.

[doberbutts]

I’m wondering if you have thoughts on James Baldwin’s “open letter to the born again”? I’m struggling a bit with what his point is in that piece; it feels kinda dismissive on Jewish zionists agency in creation of Israel? But I may be missing parts or not getting things

The text in question.

And the segment I think anon is struggling with:

I know what I am talking about: my grandfather never got the promised “forty acres, and a mule,” the Indians who survived that holocaust are either on reservations or dying in the streets, and not a single treaty between the United States and the Indian was ever honored. That is quite a record.

Jews and Palestinians know of broken promises. From the time of the Balfour Declaration (during World War I) Palestine was under five British mandates, and England promised the land back and forth to the Arabs or the Jews, depending on which horse seemed to be in the lead. The Zionists—as distinguished from the people known as Jews—using, as someone put it, the “available political machinery,’’ i.e., colonialism, e.g., the British Empire—promised the British that, if the territory were given to them, the British Empire would be safe forever.

But absolutely no one cared about the Jews, and it is worth observing that non-Jewish Zionists are very frequently anti-Semitic. The white Americans responsible for sending black slaves to Liberia (where they are still slaving for the Firestone Rubber Plantation) did not do this to set them free. They despised them, and they wanted to get rid of them. Lincoln’s intention was not to “free” the slaves but to “destabilize” the Confederate Government by giving their slaves reason to “defect.” The Emancipation Proclamation freed, precisely, those slaves who were not under the authority of the President of what could not yet be insured as a Union.

It has always astounded me that no one appears to be able to make the connection between Franco’s Spain, for example, and the Spanish Inquisition; the role of the Christian church or—to be brutally precise, the Catholic Church—in the history of Europe, and the fate of the Jews; and the role of the Jews in Christendom and the discovery of America. For the discovery of America coincided with the Inquisition, and the expulsion of the Jews from Spain. Does no one see the connection between The Merchant of Venice and The Pawnbroker? In both of these works, as though no time had passed, the Jew is portrayed as doing the Christian’s usurious dirty work. The first white man I ever saw was the Jewish manager who arrived to collect the rent, and he collected the rent because he did not own the building. I never, in fact, saw any of the people who owned any of the buildings in which we scrubbed and suffered for so long, until I was a grown man and famous. None of them were Jews.

And I was not stupid: the grocer and the druggist were Jews, for example, and they were very very nice to me, and to us. The cops were white. The city was white. The threat was white, and God was white, Not for even a single split second in my life did the despicable, utterly cowardly accusation that “the Jews killed Christ’’ reverberate. I knew a murderer when I saw one, and the people who were trying to kilI me were not Jews.

But the state of Israel was not created for the salvation of the Jews; it was created for the salvation of the Western interests. This is what is becoming clear (I must say that it was always clear to me). The Palestinians have been paying for the British colonial policy of “divide and rule” and for Europe’s guilty Christian conscience for more than thirty years.

Finally: there is absolutely—repeat: absolutely—no hope of establishing peace in what Europe so arrogantly calls the Middle East (how in the world would Europe know? having so dismally failed to find a passage to India) without dealing with the Palestinians. The collapse of the Shah of Iran not only revealed the depth of the pious Carter’s concern for “human rights,” it also revealed who supplied oil to Israel, and to whom Israel supplied arms. It happened to be, to spell it out, white South Africa.

Well. The Jew, in America, is a white man. He has to be, since I am a black man, and, as he supposes, his only protection against the fate which drove him to America. But he is still doing the Christian’s dirty work, and black men know it.

My friend, Mr. Andrew Young, out of tremendous love and courage, and with a silent, irreproachable, indescribable nobility, has attempted to ward off a holocaust, and I proclaim him a hero, betrayed by cowards.

For context: Andrew Young, considered the right hand of MLK Jr, had a longstanding and occasionally fraught relationship with the Jewish community. He stepped down from Congress shortly after being forced to choose between voicing support for Palestine and continuing to work towards black-jewish interests by his constituents and fellow politicians, as he felt very strongly about supporting both. This was a fairly unpopular move. While I don't believe he ever called himself Jewish by the strictest sense, he was actively involved in Jewish communities and the known "white" ancestry within him is a Polish Jew in his great grandparents.

To be honest, I don't really see much a problem with this as I think it fairly closely matches up not only with my understanding of the history of this problem but also my own country's part in it as well as my personal feelings on it decades later. It pretty blatantly says that Zionism is utilizing a machination of white supremist colonism due to the extensive history of antisemitism and having had the ancestral land dangled in front of them like bait on a hook from the British Empire, which owned Palestine at the time. It also goes on to say that many Zionists aren't even Jewish and are antisemitic in nature, but are Christians happy to get rid of as many Jews as possible and how that tracks due to the Christian church's millennia-deep history of antisemitism.

I don't think it lets anyone off the hook. I think it pretty much flat out says this is a problem caused first and foremost by white Christians who hate Jews and Arabs alike and have a vested interest in getting the two populations to fight because it'll be easier to kill off just the one group instead of both of them, if one ends up eradicating the other. It even talks about the friction between the black community and the Jewish community, what caused it, what drives it, how that friction in itself is a tool of white supremacy to hurt us both.

[rainydaydream-gal18]

(The Hobbit) Imagine: Holiday in Erebor

Author's Note: Hello! Here's a snippet of something cozy and cheery I wrote a few years ago and never got around to posting. You can decide who it is at the end that requests you sit beside them!

Additionally, I just wanted to say I wish everyone a Merry Christmas! For me, it's a time to be grateful for loved ones and of course, most of all, the real reason for the season!

Word Count: 708

Warnings: None

Description: You join the Company for a celebratory holiday feast!

Erebor had truly been a sight to behold when you first arrived. The halls were numerous and so vast. Everywhere you looked, there were displays of the dwarves’ handiwork and ingenuity. It was beautiful. You understood why the Company had gone to such great lengths to win it back from Smaug the Terrible.

Once the mountain was reclaimed, it became a home to the dwarves once more. You’d only heard stories about Erebor in the olden days when the halls were filled with bustling trade and friendly chatter. Night after night, your comrades told you of its wonders, but you’d never witnessed it for yourself.

You imagined that it was much like it is now, with the Company settled there and their relatives flooding in- so utterly warm and welcoming.

Especially this time of year. You walked down the dimly-lit hallway, the lovely scent of evergreen trees filling your nostrils as you passed lanterns that were decorated with the branches. The harsh winter weather had ushered in a season of cheer, and the entire kingdom was celebrating. Everywhere you went, there were woven banners of red and green, holly leaves adorning every dwarrowdam’s hair, and warm spiced beverages passed around. Feasts were always merry occasions, but more recently, they had become even more grand with special meats and desserts.

It was spectacular, and you felt so fortunate to have been invited to stay and enjoy it.  You traveled with the Company at the request of Gandalf and became very close with the group, and when Erebor was reclaimed, you were offered a place there. Thorin stepped into his role as the rightful ruler, and Fili and Kili respectively as princes.

As pleased as you were to remain with the Company, there was one in particular that you were glad to be near.  He had become the object of your affection over the course of the journey, and your feelings continued to grow as more time passed. The cheerful, cozy season made you wish you could have him as your own, with all the happy couples that you passed every day and dined with. The longing to have someone to kiss and huddle close to for warmth in the cold weather grew stronger each day

As you approached the dining hall, the chatter that had echoed down the passageway grew louder.  Booming laughter, the clink of goblets, and jingle bells filled your ears.  

You paused just before the doorway to smooth out your red and green gown and check your hair in the nearby reflective gold ornament. You couldn’t help but think of how beautiful you looked, and you hoped that he would think so too. With a deep breath, you stepped into the doorway. The hall was filled with long tables, but there was one table in particular you headed straight for. 

It was the Company’s table, complete with specially-adorned seats for those who had made the hard journey to reclaim Erebor. Thorin sat at the head with Fili and Kili’s chairs on either side.

“There she is!” Bofur announced with a grand gesture and a wide grin. “Why, lass, we were just talking about you!  Wonderin’ when you’d be joining us!”

“Here I am,” you laughed. Dwarves weren’t sticklers for punctuality, so no one took offense to your slightly late arrival. You were met with many smiles and boisterous greetings as you neared the table. 

“Why, don’t you look lovely?” Balin complimented. He smiled kindly from his seat beside Fili.  Dwalin was on his other side, chewing a large bite of roasted meat. “Absolutely lovely, my dear.”

“Thank you, Balin,” you said. “As always, it’s a pleasure to see you all.  How is dinner?”

“Dinner is delicious,” Dwalin piped up after a loud swallow. “But don’t take my word for it, see for y’self.”

You smiled.  “I definitely will.  Everything looks fantastic.” You turned and headed toward the other end of the table where there was an empty chair. Before you had even taken two steps, Balin’s voice rose up.

“Wait, dear. There’s a seat for you up here. A certain someone has requested it.”

Heart thumping wildly in your chest, you halted and glanced over your shoulder to see who it was that made the request.