#kids can be annoying! true!! since theyre learning how to BE. and also sometimes People are just annoying

[emiel-surreal]

my friend posted this screenshot (alt text in photo) to his instagram story and shared with me what one of his friends or followers replied. of course i ranted in response and i want to share my response here. i'd just woken up so i think i wasn't very eloquent. i transcribed the voice notes i sent:

They would never admit it, but a lot of people's hatred for kids extends to hatred for disabled people. Again they would never admit it but think about it. If they don’t like people who are too loud, okay are you gonna act the same way when an adult has a meltdown? When an adult disabled person has a meltdown? They don’t like people are socially inept—okay, so you hate adults who are socially inept? You hate adults who need support? People who hate kids, they just obviously hate people that can’t be independent, can’t be silent, who can’t just blend in to the background.

Part of existing in a world where other people also have permission to exist is that you fucking deal with the fact that they also exist. The entire world is not going to accommodate your existence. Disabled people have accepted that and abled people have to accept that too. Because the world is uncomfortable, because the world is for everybody! It’s not for just you!

And of course it’s really ironic that they’re like, “I’m an adult and I hate kids!!” and they’re acting like it’s some kind of sophisticated opinion, but they throw tantrums when they see children in public spaces. When children just exist in the same world as them, as if they were never children themselves, just existing at the mercy of the adults around them.

Like, obviously kids don’t need to be everywhere. Obviously. Fucking obviously. But a grocery store? Like kids don’t fucking eat? Kids are gonna go to grocery stores. And like, it’s such a privileged standpoint too, because it’s assuming that people can afford childcare. It’s assuming that all kids have parents, period. As if there’s not homeless kids, that there’s not kids that don’t have adult guardians with them. Kids are going to be in the world. Grow up. Deal with it.

Literally it’s so dishonest, because that first response that they had, that they don’t need to be allowed everywhere. It’s so dishonest. Nobody is saying that kids need to be quite literally everywhere. You can come up with some very obvious examples of where kids just shouldn’t be. Orgies, strip clubs, maybe not a gun range, just things like that. Fucking obviously. But a grocery store? You’re gonna say that in response to a grocery store being brought up? Do you see how that doesn’t… make sense?

One final thing about this guy who hates kids, apparently. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt with that first message. Doesn’t mean they need to be allowed everywhere? Sure, this is factually true. That is a statement devoid of any… it’s not emotionally charged in any way, it is a true statement. Kids do not need to be …everywhere. And besides the fact that the original post wasn’t even arguing for that anyways. It was just arguing for like reasonable expectations from this crowd of people. Besides all of that. His next message, that he hates kids, with the sarcastic heart emoji… You’re not asking for a conversation… You just need to vent your frustrations to someone who doesn’t want to hear them! That’s not a conversation!

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

[rowanelliis]

hey hi hello i’m SLATER ( they/them ), twenty-five, currently living my worst life on the left coast ( pst ). i bring to you my twitchy, lonely son, ROWAN. he’s a part-time antique lover, part-time dishwasher, full-time ghost whisperer. ( or something like that,, we’ll get to it later. ) he fills the alone ranger plot, and you can find his bio/questionnaire HERE  &&  some quick stats HERE. follow me under the cut for a TL;DR bio and wanted connections !! @phqextras​

oh hello again ! as promised, here is the summarized bio, bc i get that it’s long and you have shit to do. that said ! if possible, i would really love if you read THE BIO before/instead of this. it’s just,,, better. and better is better.  anyway, here we go !

rowan was born in pleasance to a 22 yo anita ellis and a father who bounced shortly thereafter, but we don’t care about him

he sees dead people! always has. they vary in shape from faded human to amorphous eldritch horror, and they’re supremely unhelpful. they mostly dont talk and the ones who do dont really answer what youre saying, they just say whatever they want. they moan a lot tho. its annoying. he hates them. kinda.

anita was a fraudulent fortuneteller and genuine psychic. she just knew stuff. rowan figures whatever he is, he got it from her.

he loves her sm guys. she was the mf BEST MOM. we’re talking blanket forts. we’re talking homemade stews. we’re talking going to alby’s to try on outrageous outfits they couldn’t afford and then shoplifting some little treasure to delight rowan with on the way out. the BEST.

when he was eleven, he spent an afternoon in the sequoia grove and when he got back he learned that to everyone else, hed been missing for five days

so that was a whole thing

following a years-long downward spiral of her mental health, anita showed up at rowans high school in the midst of a full-on psychotic episode. he was taken away by cps almost immediately and sent to a group home a couple towns over.

when he got back to pleasance at eighteen, she was gone. missing, not dead.

since then hes been devoted to the cause of finding her but its been eleven fucking years and no one else seems to care so he do get down abt it sometimes

his main theory is that it has something to do with the sequoia grove. he thinks that maybe whatever happened to him as a kid happened to her, but on a larger scale.

he currently lives in the house that he grew up in and that his grandparents built, a giant ugly thing that hasnt been updated in any way since the 70s

hes bad at holding a job. hes bad at feeding himself. hes bad at sleeping. hes bad at forming and maintaining relationships. basically, hes bad at being an adult human.

ok so maybe he doesnt see ghosts. maybe his mom wasnt psychic. maybe theyre just crazy. that is a possibility. but its also possible its true. you dont know. leave him alone

ok now the fun part ! here are some connections id like to see for rowan:

actual friends (one or two, three TOPS. hes a loner ok)

i honestly debated whether i wanted him to have any close friends at all but yknow what! hes been in this town for nearly 30 damn years he can treat himself to a friend or two. these would be people who believe him, or at least have an open mind. they could be from way back or more recently. just people he’s comfortable around, and maybe goes to specifically for comfort. he needs a lot more of that than he’s getting.

hookups (past or present)

i think hes kind of slutty?? not in any active kind of way, hes definitely not aggressive or even confident, but he’s so starved for affection that i think he’d have a hard time saying no to anyone offering it. his sexuality is Undeclared but Not Straight, so he’s up for grabs. he’s also weak for...... how do you say..... les milfs. i mean he would never use that word but it is what it is. mommy issues doesnt even begin to cover it. on a related note! if your character is on the amoral side of the spectrum, this guy would be wildly easy to manipulate. just like, brush his hair with your fingers or call him good or whatever. he’s Weak.

exes (maybe one serious, no more than a couple more casual)

here are some great reasons to dump rowan:

will not remember your birthday or anniversary or anything

obsessed w his mom

sometimes sleeps with his eyes open which is creepy as Fuck

usually broke

lives in that fucking house

kissed someone else at your birthday party bc they had really pretty eyes and were standing really close and kinda smiled at him and he got overwhelmed

routinely talks to the air, sometimes aggressively. thinks hes covert abt it. is not.

love interests (look im not actually into planning ships it just felt fair to rowan to balance this out a little)

here are some great reasons to date rowan:

will never, ever laugh at you or make you feel small

will give small, thoughtful gifts for no reason

cute floppy hair, doe eyes

once he feels safe with you, he will do anything for you, any time, forever

lives in that fucking house

you never knew a kiss could make you feel so wanted

maybe he’s special, you know? maybe he’s just something special

( ok that was gay ! now back to your regularly scheduled programming )

people who think he’s crazy (as many as possible tbh)

i know weve got a lot of believers here but honestly,,, even among believers i think hes kind of an outcast. the mf talks to himself. there are like 8 agreed upon stories around town and hes seen waaaaaay more ghosts than that. and non-belevers?? fuggedaboutit. i kinda see this as part of the reason he was rejected from the mystery gang. maybe someone it was like ‘ok im into checking this stuff out but that guys fucking nuts’. idk. what is life without struggle?? without conflict?? boring.

people who are using him for the story (whoever wants)

this could be a writer or reporter, but it could also just be someone whos interested in this kind of stuff. OR again, could be a non-believer who just thinks its entertaining to watch him. could be honest about their motives or straight up manipulating him into thinking theyre a friend or whatever. pretty open, i just think he would be a figure of interest to certain people.

someone who was present when his mom showed up at the high school (someones?)

this isn’t even a connection really so much as just A Thing I Want. i want someone who saw a tiny, angry-crying sixteen year old rowan drag his screaming mother down the hall of the science wing with their own two eyes. student, teacher, visiting alumni, parent or sibling who was at the school for some reason idk. maybe they pitied him and approached him later. maybe it was the thing that made someone decide hes a lost cause. it doesnt even have to ever come up. i just want someone to have that image in their brain. i want them to see it when they see what a mess he is now.

a final note! when rowan was a kid he was pretty open about the ghost stuff, mostly because his mom always believed him w/out question and he didn’t know it was something to hide. after the whole woods incident and the reaction of cps + the cops to his story, he learned to keep that shit to himself. unless he knows your character well, he probably wouldnt have discussed it w them directly. however! anyone around his age might remember the stuff he talked about as a kid or his mom showing up at the school (honestly that was dramatic enough the story may live on in the halls of nwhs today in some form or another). anyone around his moms age (40-50) might know how woo-y and sketchy she and her child were. there are certainly rumors about both of them. also, most people have probably seen him behaving strangely, ie. suddenly rerouting on the sidewalk to walk around what seems like nothing, telling something to fuck off under his breath, or just flitting his eyes over to a seemingly empty space over and over. he really does try to appear as normal as possible, but it’s difficult. i think most people see more than he knows, and more than he would like them to.

[hhhongseok]

PENTAGON: First Impressions VS Now! 

   since it's ptg's 3rd anniversary, and i've been an uni for over a year now, i thought it would be a fun idea to compare my first thoughts about all the members to how i think of them now! i got the idea from i got7 inspirits on youtube, so check them out if you're interested!

OT10

then:

I first heard "gorilla" back when it released, but since i avoided stanning rookies at the time- i decided to give it some time before stanning. flash foward to august 2018 where my interest is piqued again. at that time last year, i had thought that they were pretty cute but having literally only heard gorilla and then shine, i was caught off guard by their sound change. It wasn't bad per say- just different. overall, i knew pentagon would be a group that i'd like- but more along the lines of a casual thing. 

now:

y'all already know how whipped i am for these idiots!!! their music and videos and even choreos are my style completely, especially their cute concepts!! we love dancing infants! and also, they're all such throughly good people which makes me so happy. this isn't a casual stan thing in the slightest, and it's funny to think I ever believed it would be. 

Hui: 

then:

when i saw him in shine, i thought he was a d o r k. i think it was the way they styled his hair, but i was just very convinced that he was pretty lame lmao. after that though, i saw how cute he was and he became my bias for a while. i remember thinking at one point that he seemed like an exasperated dad?? i didn't really have any basis for it but that observation was there nonetheless. 

now:

exasperated dad? more like hyper 3 year old. hes literally one of the loudest and most energetic. what was i on. but i think hes the most precious and clingiest little toddler now!! i was right about the dork thing though, but its super cute how goofy and lame he is. also!! talent for days!! his dancing, singing (his falsetto is !!), composing is all incredible. the most important thing though? a godly leader. he's so caring and kind and full of love for his members it hurts me. we don't really see a serious leader hui, but thats okay because i think it means he tries to keep uni and ptg in good spirits by showing them cheerfulness. and that's amazing to me.

Jinho: 

then:

my most notable thought about jinho in shine was "how is he that small". i remember thinking it was cute how he pushed the giant one too, lmao. i didn't think much else of him beyond that, other than noticing how adorable he can be. 

now:

ok yeah, jinho is cute and tiny and whatever- but now i Understand the power that he holds. how he looks with his hair pushed back for example. or how about that bruno mars cover he did with hui. (hhhhnngg). also?? he's not even That small. the ones that make him look itty bitty are Literally just giants. but aside from his appearance, jinho is probably my favorite vocalist like!! i appreciate him s o much. (listen to his cover of gethsemane and last night of october for clear skin) of course jinho is also very cute though!! so i was right about that at least! he just also has many other great sides to him that i worry are overlooked!

Hongseok: 

then:

i didn't,,,notice him. at ALL. like i just glossed over his existence completely when i first saw shine. and even after that- it took me a minute to pay him any mind. when i did finally notice him though, i noticed his smile. i remember i was watching videos with my girlfriend and i pointed him out to her! that was mostly because i felt bad for not really having any strong opinion on him though oops. anyways i ended up just thinking he was a mom. and i was really impressed by his english and strength.

now:

real talk, it pained me to write all of that out!! bc now?? omg hong is my everything- but thats kind of obvious. anyways!! hes so  f u nn y !!! its absolutely a stupid kind of funny and hes definitely annoying but i adore it. also the mom thing is only kind of true. he has the capacity to be maternal and take care of them, but he's way more likely to make fun of literally every single member. he's more like an older brother that never leaves his siblings alone and thinks he's funnier than he is. and we hate him for it. anyways, his voice is So underrated im. angery. he has such a beautiful voice, just in general, and on top of that- his singing is lovely. like yes, more hong solo please. 

Hyojong: 

then:

i definitely took note of him immediately! his voice is very distinctive, and he stands out a lot in shine. which is really saying something. i thought he was really talented for sure! and i almost felt he was too cool for me to be looking at. i kind of got the vibe he'd be pretty icy i guess? 

now:

he's not intimidating at all. like not even a little bit. bc he's not taking himself as seriously as i thought he was lmao. also hes so   l o u d . and a plant man. but i think the best thing about edawn is his unpredictability! i never really know what to expect from him and i like that. 

Shinwon:

then:

i thought he was HOT. i already thought he was handsome in the 0.3 seconds of screentime he got in shine. but a friend of mine showed me clips of him from that couples game video and. o o f. i really couldn't get over how pretty he was. it didn't help that this was the same video where him and kino were doing that dance. personality wise, i don't remember much standing out to me. other than how easily scared he is.

now:

shinwon is soooo embarrassing. i wouldn't say hes completely shameless about it though, but he's shameless to the point of actually doing the stupid shit so im. still enraged about it. he legitimately makes me physically look away sometimes when im watching a video and he's being weird. theyre all my kids, and i love them. but he's the child im ashamed of lmao. moving on, hes a real cutie pie. that fact that he gets so scared so easily is both really funny and super endearing. but he's just a playful baby and im honestly glad that hes has so much fun.

Changgu:

then:

i noticed him less than hongseok. like i dont think i had a single notable first impression of him. 

now:

past dess was one entire Doofus huh. like changgu is a whole ass blessing to this planet and you mean to tell me that she overlooked him??!! anyways, though, he has an elephant heart for sure. such a genuinely empathetic and truly kind person!! he never fails to warm my heart with his sincerity and i love that about him. he's also part of the idiot squad though, with how he goes along with hong's antics. we hate that. and all his impressions + dumb faces. speaking of faces though,,, his acting?? i love it!! he's really talented, like when i watch pretty pretty i kind of forget that changgu is even playing a role. and his d a n c i n g!! underrated dance king! underrated king in general, how about that. 

Yanan:

then:

my first bias in ptg!!! i fell in love with him instantly! i loved how tall he is, and the white hair and his  i c o n i c "my baby"!! like i was whipped from the gate. i remember liking his duality back then too!!

now:

ok so, since he was bias immediately, i noticed more about him than anyone else. which means i have less to write oops. but thats okay because at least i had a bit of taste back then. but, yanan is hilarious. he's so clever and funny and you can tell how effortless it is. most iconic ptg sayings are something from yanan and thats just amazing. the big thing i notice now that i didn't really before, though, is that fact that his duality is so shocking because he's literally just as unpredictable as hyojong. its impossible to really tell what hes going to do next, and i think it catches people off guard more with yanan because even that aspect of him is unexpected. 

Yuto:

then:

i thought he was kinda scary!! idk he seemed so cold and i couldn't really relate to that so i didn't grow very attached to him. 

now:

he's so pure!!! hes said that he has a hard time expressing his feelings but i don't really see it? because he always seems so happy to be around ptg and having fun with them even if he isn't usually the one playing around!! he loves them so much tbh and its the sweetest thing :( everything about yuto is so sweet, because he cares a lot about the people around him and doesn't want anyone to get hurt- even if its fake or a joke. and like, he's really hardworking too!! ptg have said multiple times that he works the hardest, and that really is saying something imo! and like, you can just see it even without being told that. whether its his workout journey pentory or the fact that he's literally been learning guitar. also!! omg the lyrics he writes?? heartwarming, romantic and life changing!! seasons and cosmo made me a different person. but yeah, he's such an amazing, warm person and i cant believe i found him scary. 

Kino:

then:

i thought he was the main vocal. like no joke, he was so charismatic and flaunting so  much in shine that i was like "ah yes. the main vocalist" hhhggg. i remember thinking he was pretty though, and that his stage name was super cute. but i wasn't very interested in learning about him, despite how he really caught my eye. for some reason, though, i eventually got the thought that he was really pure.

now:

main vocal hdzfhh kino relax you're confusing ppl. of course he has an amazing voice and it always sounds incredible but!! what amuses me is the way he sings always sounds kinda like he's trying to be sexy and?? its so funny in ballads and stuff imo. but yeah, that "sensual"?? singing is what threw me off back then. buf more importantly, i just wanna mention the pure thing- because its a confusing situation. on one hand, kino has a heart of gold that not only adores uni but is also accepting. as well as how he's constantly bringing light into the world with his words and truly bright outlook. but on the other hand he's a demon that dances like That and is so dangerous when he wants to be!! so!! what's it gonna be kino, make up your mind :( anyways, listen to knnovations. esp bad timing and 224.12!!

Wooseok:

then:

i loved him instantly. he looked like an overgrown 10 year old in my eyes and that's just. precious. i thought he was pretty funny too!! 

now:

if i took off my hong glasses for long enough, id be able to say that i think he's the funniest in ptg. because he's so hilarious in my eyes like? he makes me do an ugly wheeze laugh, and a lot of my favorite ptg moments involve him in some way lmao. but he is actually a baby, so i was onto something there with the overgrown 10 y/o thing. despite being really funny though, i do think he tends to be quiet more often than like hui or shinwon and he hardly ever smiles, unless he's like laughing and thats makes me think that he's kind of awkward?? not in like a bad way, but i just kind of see that i guess. but!! something that i think is passed over a lot with woo is the fact that he usually has a hand in composing, and also that he writes his raps?? like that's so cool, we love that!! 

ok! so that was my lame little essay lmao. i hoped you liked if you read it all! im just glad to say that i really appreciate pentagon as a whole, and how much joy they bring into my life nowadays!! i feel like ive found a place to call my own with uni and with pentagon :)

[comicteaparty]

March 30th-April 5th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from   March 30th, 2020 to April 5th, 2020.  The chat focused on  Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson~! (http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until April 5th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Just starting the first chapter...hmm, what is the establishment hiding, that they're so against the idea of making new maps?

And I'm intrigued by the idea of a society that's frankly & cheerfully accepting of trans people, but also, doesn't know that lesbians exist? Or has a fixation on a super-narrow PIV-specific idea of virginity. Or both? If the issue was "this person can't be allowed to get pregnant before the arranged marriage or it would be A Scandal," that would be a logical reason to divide up which sexy things are "safe" vs. which aren't, but it isn't framed that way...

Okay, end-of-the-chapter blurb says that is what it's about. It's just odd that the dialogue was coy about "the issue is pregnancy" while being so blunt about other things. (I was just reading another comic with a trans princess character, and wow, what an awkward plot twist that could lead to. "So, the good news is, there wasn't an accidental pregnancy in the direction you were afraid of, but...")

"I made a fantasy trope in this comic work the way I wish it worked in a certain other canon" is such a great motivator.

Geez, this kid's only been adventuring for 5 minutes before someone gets murdered in front of him. Poor guy.

...on the bright side, oh good, the princess is aware that lesbians exist.

Loving this axolotl dragon art. http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/chapter-3-extras-17/

And the orca dragon that follows.

Have now read through the Dramatic Twist. Not gonna go into details for the sake of other first-time readers, but it's more complicated than these plots usually seem to get in fantasy settings, and I'm into it.

warriorneedsfood

I like the comic. The relationships are fun to watch develop. I found the character introductions a little awkward with the announcement of their various types of sexuality. But after establishing them, I found their personalities interesting and was looking forward to reading more.

RebelVampire

What I liked about the beginning of the comic is kind of just how quickly it starts world-building with stuff like the issue of discrimination in the market or just the general name dropping of stuff. All of it felt pretty natural, and as I consider world-building vitally important for fantasy, I really liked the comic didn't hide its punches. My favorite moment was actually when the stranger on the road said "please come help my wagon" and then it devolved into them being attacked. This is like one of the most stereotypical fantasy things to happen, but that's kind of why I liked it. It added familiar comfort food with all the new stuff, and I liked just having something like that 100% met my expectations for what was about to happen. My favorite character right now is definitely Taneli. I love just how sweet and accepting she is. But I also kind of like she's just really...not entirely capable because she's lived the sheltered palace life and not gotten out much. Usually that's something I'd find annoying, but something about Taneli just makes it work so I absolutely adore how overall innocent she is even in spite of being stuck in an arranged marriage. I like seeing Kitov and Taneli interact the most. They have a beautiful, touching, and supportive relationship going on and I like how theyre similar in regards to world experience. It doesn't make it feel like either of them is somehow superior or has the upperhand, so it's just communication between equals.

RebelVampire

As for the art, I really like the character designs. They aren't overly complicated, but are each very unique as well, and I think overall they got that right fantasy DnD vibe to them that just really suits the story being told. I kind of like that the story is exploring the theme of duty and arranged marriages. Usually when it comes to arranged marriage, 90% of stories write protagonists that do everything in their power to escape and express their individuality and freedom. But I like that this story is kind of exploring the idea of duty and how we as people deal with the concept. I also just in general like it's exploring the political things surrounding it. Like I love that frank conversation Taneli had with the king about marrying him for the kid to become the ruler, and he was completely unoffended seeming. This was just a real refreshing approach since as much as I love freedom, I also love talking about when duty needs to override freedom. As for what I like about the comic's story is that this really feels like a tabletop campaign. So many stories claim to be tabletop rpg-like, but they really deviate from the feel I imagine when I think of such a story. So I kind of like that this comic captures that spirit of adventure perfectly. As for the comic's overall strengths, for me it's just kind of the whole fantasy package. Between the art, the world-building, story's feel of being a tabletop, I think the comic is like the epitome of high fantasy and hits all the notes I personally believe high fantasies need to hit. So if someone said fantasy comic, this would be at the top of the list for a comic I would think of.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Why do you think King Rishor was murdered, and why was Taneli seemingly framed in the process? Also, how do you think Leo got involved in everything, and how big of a role do you think he had in the plot?

10. What do you think will happen to Kitov and company as they search for answers and try to avoid capture? Will the group be able to find Leo, and if so, will that be enough to clear their names of suspicion?

11. Given Kitov and Taneli are both similar in regards to their experience levels, how do you think the events of the story will change them and their perspectives on the world? In what ways do you think they’ll remain the same?

12. How do you think the world itself will be affected by King Rishor’s death? Could it escalate into a war, or might Minash Turgal change for the worse? How will this affect characters like Lirre who helps Kitov and company out?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

RebelVampire

I get the impression King Rishor was probably murdered for two reasons. Once, to destabilize the country/kingdom/w/e you wanna call it, and two to start some sort of war (hence why you frame Taneli). Leo I think is just the pawn of someone else. In some ways, I kind of feel like Leo is a victim of great pain and that pain was somehow manipulated for nefarious means. As for Kitov and company, I think they'll find Leo, but heck no will that clear them of suspicion. You can't just escape and have no consequences or continued suspicion. That will not play into their favor. SO they're gonna have to just dig deeper and deeper into the plot and still run from the law at every turn. Though I do kind of feel they'll wind up back home at some point and find out things are bad there too somehow. As for the world itself, since I already mentioned this, I do think there's gonna be war brewing. Maybe not get to the point where it happens, but people will be scrambling around to prevent it and there'll probably be lots of angry people causing havoc in Minash Turgal cause these are the sorts of things where people need someone to blame. I think Lirre will probably be fine because I don't want to think about bad things happening to Lirre O_O Finally, regarding Kitov and Taneli changing. I think they're both gonna gain some smarts from this. I feel like Kitov could learn some more street smarts and learn that not every nice seeming person is a good person and that it's okay to distrust people you just met. Meanwhile, I think Taneli is just gonna learn the struggles normal people go through outside of the sheltered life she's lived, and that she'll be much wiser when it comes to politics. However, I think they'll both remain lovely people who are sweet and have that twinkle in their eye.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I feel like the murder of King Rishor was foreshadowed on this page: https://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/twelve-4/ With the whole "obviously the people like me, because if they didn't, they'd vote to replace me" bit. Like, sure, that's true on a country-wide scale... but votes are majority rule, not unanimous. And sometimes... the smaller group of people who disagree with you can be very vocal.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Taneli's my favorite too. She's very sheltered, but her heart's in the right place and she's adjusting as fast as she can, and she's active and enthusiastic which is great for plot motion. Plus, she gets the best clothes. I like the worldbuilding of "actually, our country has all kinds of mold-breaking things like non-hereditary elected rulers and public transportation." Here's hoping it catches on more widely. Leo's plotting is...complicated. Escorting the Princess gave him a great opportunity to get close for the assassination, and since he had the stuff in the luggage, it seems like he was plotting it the whole time. But the fact that Taneli was a Princess at all was supposed to be a secret from everyone except Kitov, right? The others were all surprised when it came out. Was it a plan that only came together when he arrived, and the poison was just planted to frame the others? Or was the poison in the luggage all along, and the secrecy of the whole mission was compromised from the beginning? Unrelated, I thought the sexual-orientation references were well-done. It's not like the whole cast sat in a circle and announced a list of identities each -- it came up naturally in one conversation with a few people, and they mentioned the parts of their experience that were relevant. Also really liked "masculinization potion." Some of the trans-related vocabulary stuck out from the rest of the dialogue, but this feels natural -- like, of course, those are the words a Medieval D&D Fantasy Person would use for it.

RebelVampire

What I'm most looking forward to seeing in the comic is probably just more of the plot revealed as to why assassinate the king and finding the whole motivation behind everything. Just because I'm hoping it opens up more questions to explore and also helps build the world. My final words are simply that this is a lovely comic with likeable characters and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes in terms of plot since the plot has definitely caught my interest.

Kytri

Hi, uh this is my first post here. I'm the writer/artist of Crypts and Cantrips. The week is over in about half an hour in my time zone, and I just wanted to stop in and say thanks for including my comic and for everyone's kind words.

My comics tend not to spark much discussion or feedback so it was a really nice change of pace.

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Crypts and Cantrips this week! Please also give a special thank you to Kieran Thompson for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Crypts and Cantrips, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://cryptsandcantrips.Kytri.net/

Kieran’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Kytri

Kieran’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/itsKytri

Kieran’s itch.io Store: https://Kytri.itch.io/

Kieran’s Teepublic page: https://www.teepublic.com/user/Kytri

Kieran’s TWITTER: https://twitter.com/Kytri

[concerned-cat-paws]

I have more bnha ocs than I’ve posted here so here’s them UwU

there’s 4 under the cut

also don’t mind like spelling errors honestly this is sorta for me to reference

Rianah Taylor

We dont need to talk ab her here she gets enough spotlight

Vivi Nishiro

Quirk: cat… you already know she’s a neko girl

She can do what ever a cat can pretty much. Above average athletics, very dexterous, her nails are sharp, canine teeth are sharp, above average sense of smell, hearing and night vision. 

She just goes to a normal high school

Also this is a bad ref it was mostly experimental in a n u m b e r of ways

HEADCANNONS

- she is a RAT

- she is very mischievous and snappy

-very impulsive

- she doesnt have a plan for her life and doesnt know what she wants to do after high school

-really just trying to have fun day by day

-is pretty protective of her friends because she always feels like she doesnt deserve them with how much of a rat she is so doesnt want anything bad to happen to them ever 

-more on that shes insecure about if shes annoying the people she likes and will accidentally push them away

-a little clingy ad a result

-will deny the fact though

-that only applies to her loved ones though if she doesnt know you she will be a r a t

-enjoys hanging around people she deems interesting and she is actually quite picky when it comes to who she likes

-however she really likes wandering and just seeing sights and people watching

-of COURSE shes naturally curious and despite her disinterest in school she quite likes learning new things

-probably likes true crime stuff

Naruki Hinana

Quirk: Reverential touch

If she touches someone they respect and treat her as if she’s royalty even if she tells them its her quirk making them respect her so. Over use makes her become listless sleepy and disoriented

She goes to a normal highschool but tried out for a couple hero schools (not UA she didnt expect to get in)

Only picture i have of her is with Vivi but I like this one for both of them sooo

HEADCANNONS

-shes also quite mischievous and her and vivi het into quite a bit of trouble together

-shes normally pretty neutral and just :/

-shes actually really funny though she just has a natural :/ face

-fairly popular for being funny but some people in her school jusy dont like her because of her popularity

-think she only has so many friends because she used her quirk on them (false btw)

-her family is like upper middle class and shes been on some cool vacations

-naturally smart and doesnt need to study as long as shes present for class

-def has a social media following

-likes to mess around and use her quirk on strangers and people she doesnt like

-probably likes painting or smn as a hobby

Kaede Nakamura

Quirk: Mending light

Her palms emit a light that can heal physical wounds and over exertion can cause a burning sensation and hand cramps. She’s also able to jump fairly well and run faster than the average person due to a minor quirk inherited from her dad.

She’s a first year in the support course.

Also she has a boyfriend i dont rmbr his name (these r old ocs but theyre getting revived) but he belongs to godriene on insta

(I dont have a very recent ref for her but i did draw and color a sketch so heres that)

HEADCANNONS

-Her quirk can take some time to fully heal but she can just partly heal a wound and move onto sonething else in a shorter amount if time

-Shes not super easily flustered because she can be a bit dense

-Very nurturing type like if she sees someone being like bullied shed be too scared to confront the bully but she would extra nice to the victum and help them however she can aka b a b y

-She’s the type to really like to make people laugh specifically her s/o cause she loves that smile

-Probably just likes to make people happy in general she may or may not have father issues

-With an s/o she might be a bit more protective she would get upset when they get hurt but she is extra caring like You thorst ? Of course you thorst here’s a pitcher of v i t a m i n w a t e r

-Shes that kid that sees the best in like everyone and honestly just wantes to improve the world for everyone else

-Doesnt consider herself alot but if someones being unreasonable she will stand up for herself

-Arguments actually kinda scare her

-She’s close to her mom and recovery girl is like another a grandma

-Shes spends her free time except for lunch helping recovery girl in the clinic running errands for her and helping her with what ever she needs since recovery girl is a bit of an inspiration to kaede

.

GROUP PHOTOOOOO

I drew a group pic of them for a fantasy au oc event so heres those

..

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

MY D O G

Seiichi Takagi

Quirk: Hell hounds

(Ill let da picture explain)

Right now hes a villain

So yeah my dog has a BUNCH OF DOGS (also second pic was also for the fantasy au oc thingy on insta)

HEADCANNONS

-hes not well known and prefers it that way

-he has a group of other villains that he works with

-its more just like a bit of organized crime than the league of villains type beat

-he really likes animals and will try to hide the whole villain thingy some times and volunteer at an animal shelter

-that being said my dog has beat up many people bad man i swear

-he doesnt so much as hate all heros but if one gets in his way that sucks for them

-he likes being able to do what ever he wants by just ignoring laws so often times he just acts on his own agenda

-sometimes act sort of like a vigilante

-he considered being a hero but simply didnt wanna follow all those rules

-so now he hurts people just cause

-if he were to fall for anyone it would probably be someone really pure and soft but not a complete baby that needs to be watched all the time

.

.

.

Thats it

Thats them

Thank you this was a waste of both our time

ÚwÙ

[terryblycute]

2020

overall this year was bad. bad, just like any other, how its always been, so nothing special. im writing this because my memory is getting worse and worse, and im sick of not remembering

corona lowkey annoying cuz i couldnt visit my friends on new years eve, but other than that everythings the same. on a positive note i didnt have to work as much either, and on a negative note i didnt get as much money. but thats alright.

((rude, unempathetic rant incoming. i know what im about to say is stupid but its my feelings and i want to talk about it regardless. if anyones reading, skip this)) what HAS been bothering me the most about corona is all the „2020 bad“ memes and people legitimately complaining about it. cuz like... nothing has changed. every year is horrible. it always has been. every year innocent people die, and nobody can do anything about it. of course i feel horrible for the people who lost their income/housing or family members because of it, and they have all the rights to complain... but lets be honest. none of the people i talk to were affected in any way by it. and the majority of people i hear talking about it havent lost their family/friends or homes to it either. its just a mild inconvenience to them, not being able to party without being arrested or seeing their friends or some shit. boo hoo, im alone all the time and never see any of my friends either and at this point im completely love & touch starvated regardless of corona. get over it

so... corona things out of the way, ive started thinking about my mental illnesses & trauma... A LOT. ive never thought about it all that much, because critical thinking is not something im able to do, usually. ive been reading lots of comix of people talking about/depicting mental illness, so i guess that kind of inspired and changed something in me, if i like it or not.

well, it turns out there is a shitton to unpack. i mean, ive always known there is so much wrong with me... but i was never really aware, if that makes sense. im still in the dark about most things, but its all coming together, little by little. i dont want to put my finger on anything, because im dumb, but at this point im 100% sure autism/aspergers isnt the only thing i got. far from it, in fact.

ive also learned that a lot of things in my life have left me with genuine, significant trauma, which ive never really realized before. i just thought the way i react to some things is cuz im, yknow... a whiny bitch. to name a few things:

me getting defensive/snappy when people of „authority“ (family, caretakers, doctors) ask me if im tired, how late i went to bed etc bc it is indirectly tied to why i was forced into psychiatry & the abuse i had to suffer there

fight or flight response activating when people talk about being in support of outdoor cats (i dont even want to fucking elaborate. tl;dr: my cat was almost killed by outdoor cat people and would be dead now if i hadnt gotten my shit together and worked hard on getting my own apartment, where he is safe. ive recieved no support & only been demonized during this time). this is a genuine fucking trigger

my rocky relationship with my mother and my thoughts about her, who is a genuinely good person, but managed to fuck me over, rip my entire ass apart and ruin my life regardless. also her lowkey restrictive/controlling upbringing stunting me for life

my huge, life-impairing abandonment issues. i dont even know where they come from, all i ever experienced were regular breakups & rejections with no hard feelings that just hit me especially hard for no reason i guess

how i cannot bear to be alone in a discord voice channel waiting for people to join & my stunted ability to talk to people when im alone with them (i got actively excluded by my best friends for being suicidal & a downer, they created a discord voice channel i couldnt see & didnt have access to for them to be without me, all while i was waiting all day long alone in our regular channel for someone to join me, in the same server)

relatedly, my inability to talk about my problems & mental illnesses with them. is also related to the cat incident

also my inability to show affection ever since my best friend stopped telling me „i love ya“

nothing else i can think of rn

i also realized that something is fundamentally, objectively wrong with me. i cant really talk about it... but the actions of one of my friends made it clear to me. it was proof that, somehow, im imbued with the horrifying essence of some eldritch lovecraftian horror being, repulsing everyone without them even realizing, unable of being loved. and its just... this knowledge, its too heavy to bear, for a single human being. i dont know what to do. i will have to live with this for the rest of my life - and i cant do anything about it.

ive also reconnected with an old friend over animal crossing, who introduced me to some other old friends (they were more like aquaintances back then, really), and in one of them ive found a friend for life, pretty much. but theyre all great, really.... i seriously appreciate that. they took my mind off my other best friend, whos been kind of ignoring my needs, resulting in me having panic attacks every day.

also, im making more of an effort to talk to & reply to the people i care about, cuz i have this friend who would chat me up every now and then, without me ever messaging him, just for me to ignore him for a couple hours cuz im too tired/busy/whatever... so at one point i was like „wait, what am i doing? hes one of the few friends who actually makes an effort, and i really care about this bitch!!“, so i went ahead and got my shit together, as best as i can at least (depressions still a bitch but im trying)

one last thing i wanna talk about... my view on life. this is gonna be huge, i think. big trigger warning for suicide stuff & other negative shit

im suicidal. always have been. thats not a secret, everyone who knows how to read between the lines (i cant, but most people do) can see that. sometimes you dont even have to, cuz im telling you outright. i usually dont talk about this openly though, not to my friends at least, cuz people only put up with suicidals for so long, and i cant afford to lose anyone else... ahem. anyways, something changed in the way i see suicide. when i was younger, i wanted to die because the pain i had to bear was just too great. there was no hope. and its still true - the pain is unbearable. i am in pain every waking moment. i have been for almost 11 years now. there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is only distraction.

however, thats not the reason i wanna die anymore. i think think that if i put in effort, i think i could be... not in pain, all the time anymore. but, heres the thing: i dont want to. im too tired, im too broken. i dont want to change, and i dont want anyone else to change. now i just want to die, for the sake of it. because i love death, with all of my heart. i think death is the best thing that could happen, to anyone. i 100% believe death is the only thing that will save you, ever. i am not exaggerating when i say „i love death“. and to live, without having the means to safely & efficiently kill myself... its destroying me. i get panic attacks every week thinking about it. what if someone else leaves me? im not gonna take it anymore, i refuse to. i refuse to keep suffering, but to end my suffering once and for all i have to die. i really, truly hate living... it just really isnt for me. and thats okay, im fine with it, im fine with dying - its what i want, its my choice, its my destiny - and i love this destiny. i wouldnt want it any other way - to kill myself, or be killed, thats how i want to go. i just need someone to help me. idk where im going with this, so lets move onto my next point:

my worldview. so.. im not sure when this all started. was it 2020? or 2019? maybe it started to dawn on me even earlier, i dont really know, but its been really intense in 2020. the way i view the world & life has changed drastically (or rather, formed, ive never really thought about it that much before). my mom has made it clear to me that you could be a genuinely good, loving person... and still fuck up your kid for life. and this is why i came to the conclusion that good parents, who dont fuck up their children irreversibly... they dont exist. the moment youre born into this world, youre doomed. there is no one who doesnt suffer, there is no one who doesnt want to die - and if they tell you they dont, they either just dont know yet or are in denial. if there is ANY chance of someone growing up to suffer just like i do - it is not worth it. irresponsible, even - to bring a kid into this world. and, the way the world is, and continues to be, there will never be the chance for someone to never suffer like me. which is why i dont think children should be born into this world, ever. and it fucks with me - it fucks with me so bad.

...happy mew year, everynyan

[ask-svt-hearteu]

college! Jun

Anon requested: “hullo!!! can i request a college!au for jun? (in the point form and stuff) thank you && i love your aus and posts in general <3”

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 2541

A/N: I legit thought this AU would be easy to write. Turns out, writing someone as a college student when you're not a college student is hard af. I apologize in advance if this was written poorly and didn't reach your expectations lolol -admin soph

double majoring in Performing Arts 

particularly in Dance Focus just like Minghao 

and a Theatre Arts Major in Acting 

has a scholarship so double majoring made it possible for him

having double majors made him really busy all the time 

but he still manages to have time for his friends 

whenever he has free time,

can always be seen in the picnic area of the Campus with his other major friends 

or usually with Minghao, Joshua, and Wonwoo reading in the corner of the university library 

talking about how the author should’ve just done this or that 

when they really should be reading up for the upcoming semester exam

"I dont understand why we need to learn about the history of tap dancing for a whole week." 

"Because the professor likes to give us busy work get over it." 

"Honestly just slap stuff on a paper and he’ll give you an A" 

"Shouldn’t you guys be studying on your upcoming Music Theory test." 

"Shush Joshua." 

or in the studio going through the choreo he, Minghao, Hoshi and Chan made for a performance project and the upcoming winter recital 

or just staying in his dorm, catching up on sleep 

when a show is announced to happen 

he works double 

like seriously

the shows are where theyre able to showcase their talents and what they major in 

so performance majors and theatre majors are made to perform on the same day 

and it stresses him out a lot but he always make sure to do his best 

he has to make and memorize like 2 choreographies with his dance team for the dance performance and has to memorize his lines and get into his character for his acting performance 

even with all these work he would still try to try other things 

like singing and rapping ∙

he can sing pretty well to be in fact but just like Minghao, people wont give him vocal lines for shows smh

outside his major classes, he only chose to take one minor course and that was Linguistics in Korean Language 

thats the only course you both have together actually 

youre an Astronomy Major 

and the only courses you take outside of your major is Linguistics and History 

you have been in Korea for some time now but you still haven’t mastered the language so you thought the Linguistics course might help

you and Jun dont talk much though 

the only time you two were able to talk was when the professor partnered the two of you together and made you guys differentiate different satoori accents 

and that one time you bumped into him on your way to the library 

you also always see him in the picnic area with his friends when you wander around different departments 

sometimes you would sit either on a bench or under a tree, reading a book and you would hear music coming out of a speaker near you 

and you'll see Jun with his dance team practising 

you also noticed how different he is when he is with his friends 

in class, he is this quiet reserved guy sitting at the back, listening to the professor while spinning a pen around his fingers 

with his friends, he is really outgoing and a huge dork 

you would hear him exchanging jokes with Wonwoo and you would quietly laugh at how corny it is 

"What did the dog say to the wall?" 

"Jun stop it's now funny an-." 

"Wolwol" woof woof" in korean

"Aish. Why am I even friends with you?" wonwoo mutters as he quietly think of a better joke

you also would hear him messing around with Joshua 

"Im still offended that you didnt want to go biking with me again after what happened last semester." 

"Hyung. When we got back I honestly thought I was going to pass out right there and then. And you kept leaving me behind." 

"Because you kept taking selcas whenever we took a break, istg Junhui."

and you would hear him talking about a dance he found on youtube with Hoshi 

"They werent hitting the beats on time." 

"Yes but they were expressing the lyrics with their dance." 

"But hitting the beats with the dance moves would look better. And with the dance moves they’re doing, its possible." 

and mostly him just annoying Minghao 

"Jun I swear, stop."

"Were getting all thug now are we?"

"wE AGREED TO NEVER SPEAK ABOUT THAT." 

okay so you were just sitting alone in the University Library, studying for your upcoming test about Astronomy History 

when someone just sat down infront of you 

causing you to slightly jump back from your seat 

"Oh jesus christ jisoos chirst Jun, you scared me." 

"Sorry, my friends wont let me study in peace and all of the tables are taken and you’re the only one I know. I was just wondering if I could study here instead?" he softly smiles at you hopefully

your internally squealing at how adorable he looked with that smile with his messy hair and black hoodie and sweatpants asdfdksla

"Yeah of course, no problem." 

"Thank you." 

and with that, he brought out his books and you both were studying quietly

you can see him looking at you every once and a while 

it made you anxious tbh 

because you thought you had something on your face 

a few minutes later he just put down his book and spoke 

"We don’t talk that much, what major are you?" 

"Im an astronomy major" you replied as you close your book 

"You study space. Wow. Well, I double major in Performance Arts and Theatre arts. " 

you nod, "yeah I see you in shows and recitals. " 

"Oh so you watch me," he smirked, teasing you

you try not to let the blush creeping up show, but before you can reply,

"Im just kidding~ " he chuckles, smiling at you 

"just study" you huff, jokingly being annoyed, that pink flush on your cheeks

 you wont deny that Jun is pretty handsome

and pretty dAMN HOT

and you were pretty sure that you were just attracted to his face since you still dont know him that well 

so you were confused as hell as to why you were blushing and your heart was beating so fast

minutes passed and you still were thinking about why you and your face reacted like that

you didnt even notice Jun looking at through the top of his book

and glancing up, you looked right back at him 

both of your gazes meeting 

you wanting to look away but his eyes, they sparkled like the shining stars you see through a telescope

it looked like a whole different galaxy 

you were able to regain your self-control and you averted your gaze back to what you were reading 

so you didn’t see him stare at you longer for a moment, dazed by your eyes

tired of studying, you have just been rereading the same paragraph over and over again 

you just wanted to go to the student cafe and get a mocha latte 

somehow, Jun read your mind 

"You have been staring at that page for forever, you wanna take a break and go the cafe?" 

"Did you just read my mind Wen Junhui?" you chuckle

"What if I did y/l/n y/f/n?" 

"Then you should already know my answer" you wink playfully

he just grins at your response 

on the way out, you guys passed by Junhui's table of friends 

one of them was a girl 

so you figured that it might be one of his friends girlfriends 

"Me and y/n are going to the student cafe, if you need me, I'm there," Jun said to them before waving goodbye 

the whole 10 minutes walk to the cafe was filled with a lot of talking 

Jun told you about how he met his friend Minghao 

how he literally spat on his face on their first meeting because of his braces 

you told him why you decided to move to Korea 

why you decided to take Astronomy 

arriving at the cafe, you both ordered your lattes and sat at a booth near the window

as you both were talking, the conversation got kind of serious

Jun told you about why he chose two majors 

because he didnt want to limit himself to only one

and that he also found his passion for dancing growing through the majors he took 

the two of you talked about how its hard to be away from your loved ones 

mostly about yourselves was the main topic 

after hours that seemed like minutes of talking, 

you both exchanged numbers and went back to your dorms 

you both started hanging out a lot after that 

he memorized your schedule, you memorized his 

knowing when the other was free, the two of you also had this cycle 

he would visit you in your department, get a latte, and walk to the library 

sometimes you would be the one who would visit him 

but the cycle goes on 

you learned a lot about him 

you learned that he is basically this tall cat person who is a big dork on the inside 

he would text you lame ass jokes at 3am 

he would even call you at 3am just to remind you that he is handsome

which is true, but he didnt have to wake you up at 3am to remind you that

and the more the two of you hung out, the more your feelings for him deepens 

he is just this precious dork that you want to protect 

today was Jun's free time 

before you could text him and ask if he wanted to hang out, 

he beat you to it 

‘A little birdy told be were both free. Do you want to stop by at the studio and hang out with us? :>’ 

‘Sure Hui. Are they okay with me being there?’ 

‘Of course, dont worry about it." 

"Okay see you in a bit." 

you decided to buy lattes for everyone before going to the studio 

they’ll be tired from practising so you really didnt mind buying 5 lattes 

when you got there, they were sitting in the middle of the room, sweating and panting 

you greet them and hand them their lattes

"Thank you y/n~ Jun your girlfriend is the best." Hoshi giggles, making you stutter

 "I-I’m not his girlfriend,” you say half chuckling

"Yet." he whispers, you not hearing

you have only hung out with his friends a few times 

but they already made you feel like you were part of the group, talking with them for hours 

they even let you watch the recent dance they made for a project

and ofcourse, they kept teasing you and Jun

"Jun how dare you let your girlfriend walk around campus alone." 

he glances at you, with a look you can’t decipher

"She isn’t my girlfriend."

after a while, you decided it was time to go back to your dorm 

you said your goodbyes to them before going 

"You like her. Be honest." Minghao says as he nudges Jun 

"Maybe I do, she doesn’t feel the same." Jun sighs

"Theres only one way to find out." Hoshi points out, grinning 

"Ask her out." Chan says as he pats Jun on the back 

"I will." Jun smiles at them, trying his best to be confident 

okay so your request of using the observatory room has been accepted

today was your free time, so what better way to spend it other than stargazing 

you invited Jun but he still hasn’t responded 

so you went there on your own 

you honestly liked being alone with the stars 

it made you feel at home 

after staying there for a while Jun texted you saying that he’ll be there in a few minutes 

when he came, you were laying down on the floor and just looking up in the sky 

so he just lays down next to you 

it stayed like that for a few minutes 

"Did you know that we’re basically made from stardust? Its amazing to think that those beautiful stars are made from the same thing." you say, breaking the silence 

"Is that really true?" he asks, turning to you 

"I like to believe that its true” you say softly, continuing to stare

"It probably is. Because ever since we talked, you have been my brightest star in my darkest days." he said in a whisper like manner,

but you still heard it 

you didnt say anything else 

your heart was beating rapidly at this point 

you were honestly biting the inside of your cheek just in case you were dreaming 

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING 

you were basically freaking out inside 

"What?" you ask nervously

"....I was just wondering...if you want to go have dinner with me sometime?" he asks shyly 

"Like a date?" you say, turning to stare at him

"Doesnt have to be! Lets just pretend I didnt say that" he says quickly 

"Oh, too bad. I was gonna say yes." you reply, teasing him

"....really?" his eyes brightening

“Yes Hui." 

with you still laying on the floor, he sits up, grabbing your hands

staring down at you

"Then I take it back,” he smiles happily, “Will you go have dinner with me sometime?"

"I would love to Junhui." you reply, smiling back

and so he lays back down, closer to you this time

your shoe grazing his leg

his hand gently looping your fingers in his

when Junhui told his friends that the two of you were dating, 

almost in unison, "WE KNEW IT!!" 

after a while, it started spreading across Junhui's department and yours 

you honestly didnt know it would be this big of a deal 

Jun would always visit you 

AND I MEAN ALWAYS 

even on days where he is really busy, he would still visit you 

you find it really sweet 

and loving that smile that would light up on his face, 

you would also visit him at his studio 

the boys have taken you in as one of them 

it feels like you’re a part of this big family 

and Jun being cheesy, for the first and last Saturday of every month,

he would reserve the observatory and you two will spend your free time there 

he would put a blanket on the floor and bring food 

and you two would stargaze, eat and talk for hours

or Jun saying pick up lines for hours

"I must be the Sun and you must be Earth, cause the closer we get, the hotter you become." he says winking 

"Jun...why." you say, covering your face in slight embarrassment

"No~ dont cover your face. I want to see the way stars shine in your eyes." he replies cheekily

"Jun one more I swear. Where do you even get all of these?” 

you say questioning why you fell for this huge dork

as you blush really hard

“from my love for you”

Jun honestly loves making you blush 

looking at you, awed by your rosy cheeks

pulling you in close and wrapping his arms around you 

he kisses your head 

“My love for you is like the universe. Incredibly big and expanding vastly everyday."

MASTERLIST

[karens-vest]

newsies pjo au headcanons

more headcanons i made with that one friend i made hp headcanons with

what i say is bold what he was is in italics but sometimes i fucked up who said what

we started making these like right after the hp ones

anyways if you like percy jackson a newsies au w that could be 👌👌👌👌

fUCKIN HELL YES

ok so race is a hermes kid lets get that out of the way bc YES

crutchie is an apollo kiddo fight me on it

katherine is an athena child

o bv

oof whats davey

i’m not really sure?

what if hes like,, a satyr or smth

yes

then i could see jack maybe being a child of zeus?

tjat sounds h ella

now for these headcanons to turn into complete angst

but before that

i could see jack being hella good with a sword

also spot’s an ares kid

definitely ,,

but before angst

crutchie got claimed in the best way ok he accidentally cursed race to speak in rhyme for a week aftee race cheated during ctf

ahdjaj perfect

& like i could see katherine not even needing to be claimed like everyone just knows but like athena’s so proud she’s like “haha yeah that’s my kid”

t b h

spot comes to camp and he looks very angry and shit,, he intimidates even jack then the next week jack is just walking around and he sees spot feedin a chipmunk in the forest out of his hands

p l e a s e

then i could see the delancey bros being some of the demigods trying to bring kronos back

raise ur hand if u wanna punch the delancey brothers

raises both hands

raises one hand bc only oscar i’d slap morris tho bc hes still a dick but mike faist even said that deep down he’s a good guy

true,,

smh did u notice that one (1) time when davey is first getting his papers oscar like checks him out or smth

i only just noticed and its Awkward™

oscar wyd

hold on theres a gif of it i think

also like i love how crutchie said “morning mr. wiesel” & like wiesel actually smiled & he was nice to crutchie like augh crutchie’s so nice

crutchies just like,,, soft

wair wait fpund it

what a mood

right

an y ways back onto the subject of the pjo thing bc we went from,, that to oscar lookin at daveys ass somehow,,

yeah these hcs get very steered away

sw e ats i wonder why that is

o o f

o,, o of

ok so before this gets too off track i think jack would either use the shield thalia had with the medusa head or be too scared to even be near it 

ppff probably the second one

spot called him a pussy for it

but spot got scared too

and then race called him a pussy but race is scared too

theyre all scared

and crutchie just like, picks it up and hes like “woah, this is cool!” he shows no fear 

spot has resolved that crutchie is a cryptid

& jack would be like !? excuse me??? bc he’s supposed to be the one using it & not afraid i mean ut’s the shield zeus used he should too

crutchie is a cryptid, confirmed by,, everyone whos seen him with it is he even real is he even half human???? we just dont know

i mean crutchie & cryptid both have cr at the beginning so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

g asp

i think i cracked the case that yeah hes a cryptid

the world needs to fuckin know weve figured it out

the world will know

gdi

and the journal too

(( we got sidetracked & started talking about newsies quotes. )) ((  “ thEY Was c O R Onas! ” “w oah” ))

anyways back to the pjo newsies au i feel like katherine would send any messages by owl bc her mom’s athena & she thinks it’s cool

h ella like jack and crutchie are out at night,, sneakin around and settin up a prank, and then they just see kath with this bigass owl on her shoulder or smth

then more owls land on her & during ctf she has the owls distract or scratch people she just always has an owl. she names them all. the one that stays with her the most though is named olive.

both boys are confused and jack brings it up once,, but hes kinda rude abt it like “why do u keep those weird owls around?? i keep finding owl droppings everywhere” she g lares at him and the next day he finds owl droppings under his pillow race and crutch make fun of him for it

she’s like,, queen of the owls,, & she likes olives a lot too & bc her mother made the olive tree she can too & sometimes one of the boys is running & she just plops a tree in front of him & he hits it

its race running from spot bc race owes spot like ten dollars for losing a bet and race b reaks his nose its not a happy day

& spot’s like “thanks kath” then takes the money from race chaotic good

race is Not Amused everything bad seems to happen to him

he thinks he got cursed by someone but nah everyone just likes picking on him

a concept; romeo is a son of aphrodite and he just,,, charmspeaks everyone nonstop

it does not work on anyone,, except crutchie and specs

yes yes yes sometimes people pretend it works then they’re like “haha sike”

bc crutchie is just rlly nice but specs is just,, really bad at restraining himself

but romeo’s like “one day this will never fail” & will it never fail? the world may never know.

p much hes so bad at it though and he never actually practices

he’s just like “i mean i’m son of aphrodite shouldn’t i be able to just,, do it”

hes lazy and,, everyone else can relate bc they never wanna do any practicing either

katherine’s the only one that does

& like jack can shock people w lightning but like they don’t feel like practicing magic when they’ve got weapons

yeah,, and davey too he just like, randomly trots out of the woods one day,, nobody has seen him for a week?? he just goes right up to some other satyrs that crutchie is talkin to and hes just dead quiet before saying,, “the newts are out of control again,, theyre eating trees whole now” crutch is c onf us ed

and yes theyre all too lazy for their own good

also i find it funny that the apollo kids were the best healers but crutchie has a bad leg

yELLS I JUST REALISED THAT LMAO

crutchie is a good healer??? but when it comes to like,, paper cuts or smth he just,, cant also he uses Sensible Elbow Crutches,, fi ght me

yes & also i feel like while everyone else fought he’d just be there healing everyone like he can use a bow but not very well

also since pjo is also technically modern times race wears heelys

hes one of the best medics,,, but also if anyone calls him medic he will punch them

hOLY FUCK YES??

“take your wheels off, racer, its dinner” “race, you cant climb the wall with those” (‘yes i can’ he says, and then falls) “can you just,, not wear your wheels rn?? this is an important meeting”

like he’ll wheel to the hermes table every night & do the exact same thing he wheels over then hits a table or chair he has never not

except once, but only bc crutchie stopped him with one of his crutches and ordered him to take them off race was like “or what??” and crutchie just givrmes him this g l are needless to say race always nyooms to the take on the other side now he does not want to have to speak in rhyme for so long ever again

“givrmes” wyd @ self

also RACE IS AN OUTDATED MEME HE USES FUCKING MEMES FROM YEARS AGO IT ANNOYS EVERYONE EXCEPT THE OTHER HERMES KIDS

RACE, THE STALE MEME OF THE HERMES CABIN

also #LetCrutchieSayFuck2k18

#LetCrutchieSayFuck2k18

also this one isn’t modern or pjo but race has 100% flirted with the delanceys to get extra papes (spoiler alert: it didn’t work)

romeo has also done this once before (it didnt work) davey has never done it before, hes shit at flirting (he somehow got 2 extra papers anyway. from who, he doesnt know)

every newsie has done this (except les ofc)

only crutchie and davey got extra papes once davey returned them tho bc hes a law-abiding citizen crutchie,, did not crutchie flirts unintentionally and its funny when people are like,, “what are you implying?” and he just gets rlly confused,,

crutchie’s just so,, hufflepuff like i can’t stop thinking about how hufflepuff he is 

(( we got like,, really sidetracked. we started talking about books & then the bee movie & idk whatever ))

we were talkin abt crutchie and then divergent and then fantasy and scifi books and then the bee movie

oof right so like i honestly think all the newsies & katherine would be so good at capture the flag like if they’re all on one team the other team already knows they’re losing but if they’re split up so they’re on two different teams against eachother that’s when things get difficult

and there are a lot of newsies so its hard to get em all on one team??,, but usually athena and hermes team and take aphrodite and apollo ares yoinks everyone else it is hell davey watches from the sidelines, either studying or texting race or jack memes while theyre fighting

& tbh i feel like newsies vs newsies would be hilarious like a ton of taunting & distractions & picking on eachother

jack and spot end up on the same team and its chaos always the same team,,

except one time & it was even more chaos since one can create lightning & the other can create fire 

they learned it’s better for them to be on the same team, even if it’s still chaos.

davey is not amused when they almost kill one of the oldest trees when fighting kath and race

he probably slapped them after

he did no one has ever seen dave so mad

also remember race’s heelys? he uses those in battle. it either helps him or causes him to fuck up even more. there’s an even mix of both.

wait but like,, tb to davey bein a satyr his,, horns,, h orns theyre just little nubs pokin out from under his hair the horns,, are cute

dbahsh YES also i can see some of the others making fun of how small they are & like pulls out his reed pipes & plays them & makes any plants surrounding whoever’s making fun of him trip

if they arent making fun, theyre flirting davey is Exasperated™

and katherine just relates to him on a spiritual level bc the first time ppl see her, they usually immediately check her out davey and kath have to suffer through romeo flirting endlessly

but they both have the best anti-flirts & they’re the platonic power couple

theyre going to have to kill if anyone asks if theyre dating again though like once bc everyone kept sayin they were, they pretended to for a week and then yelled “just kidding, we’re not dating! april fools, motherfuckers!” (katherine also yelled really loud “im p sure daveys like,, gay lol” and davey refused to speak with her for a week)

he did that bc she found out

i m

ur not wrong but

so when he started talking to her again he was like “howd you know”

“i saw you staring at finch’s ass the other day” “gdi”

& she’s the only one that knows

then the next week, daveys saying hi to everyone before ctf, and jack walks up like “so,, why were you staring at finch’s ass???” and he just fuckin,, looks at kath and she snorts abd falls over laughing

okay so like idk if you like dear evan hansen or not but if you do tbh i could see jared & race either being best friends or like very hateful enemies.

y es??

connor murphy does art and he and jack bond over it

& if it’s still the pjo au then alana’s totally an athena kid too & she talks to kath all the time

evan,, an anxiety filled satyr who can only talk to davey just bc they have a lot in common

hed be really annoyed that he has so many siblings and that hes son of hermes of all gods and connor and zoe would both have different dads zoe is a daughter of nemesis,, so she has to stay in the hermes cabin, and connor is either son of dionysus or someone else

wait no scratch nemesis

i thought abt lesbians when writing that my mistake

shed be like,, daughter of,, either hades or like,, hermes idk

i could see hades for her

davey and evan talk about snakes and trees,, “did you know a ball python can go up yo a month without food?” “ !! woah! did you know the oldest living tree, the mutheselah, is nearly 5000 years old??”

(( then we were wondering who connor’s parent would be & didn’t talk about it for like a month ))

i was thinking about our old pjo au & i thought about zoe as a kid of hecate & connor’s a kid of hades they’re a badass duo since they can both raise the dead they’re great to bring on missions since zoe knows where to go at crossroads so they don’t get lost or anything & like i said they raise the fucking dead

evan the satyr has to go on a quest with them and they argue the whole time hes Not Amused

bc like they disagree always but put them on a battlefield & they suddenly work together amazingly also if there’s the same prophecy percy was in with kronos rising & if there’s gonna be angst then zoe’s a spy & connor’s like “well whatever fuck you” but in reality he’s like “i trusted her” & it’s Not Okay

oh n o  (( it returns ))

then during the first battle zoe gets hurt bc she had just summoned a lot of dead people & got kind of worn out & one of the campers went to kill her but connor saved her & after that nobody really trusted him

correction: he sacrifices himself to save her

hes dead now and everyone is sad

zoe can’t forgive herself she leaves kronos’ army to fight with the camp they don’t really trust her & nobody talks to her but she’s there

evan is Not Okay At All

alana is all over it though

evan doesn’t really know how to feel about zoe he kinda hates her because she’s the reason connor died

whys this angst smh

there’s always goddamn angst when we do this

ffs

here i’ll fix it zoe brings connor back & they win the war & everything’s perfect & fun & happy

nah it sounds like a fairy tale now

i’ll fix that too zoe brings connor back but she dies doing it

better

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Dejoria said "well I have my dad" But anyways The cop said they would take care of her and then they asked me and I said she has to earn it, just depends on what she's doing with her life. And it's in regards to overriding the prison if they make mistakes such as in this case. She sounded depressed at that but I told her she's been doing better She said she hit the wall And so I said let's talk about that. She said to write it. "I hit the wall and I felt sudden "what the fuck, fuck you God!" But then I said "sorry sorry but what did I do wrong?" As If I didn't know which I did, i had been bad. But I got off the wall and I realized that I had hit it, I was all "you hit it, you hit it. I hit it, I got that but why?!?!" So I wanted to talk to you but I knew not to because you would not understand or you wouldn't care but maybe you would see it later and come ask me what about it or maybe yell but I was hoping ask me as you did. I did good in not bothering you, didn't I?" "Mmhmm I saw your face in the video, after I could tell you were holding it in" "Well thank you! You think I did good?!" "Actually yes. You looked down right pleasant" Matt laughs. "She says it's so surprising!" " Now back to Dejoria, anyways so I was wanting o bother you so bad! But I knew it wasn't you but I said "God if it wasn't her don't let me see her and I didn't!" "I know I was surprised to see it later I was all woah she didn't even say shit usually she screams or something" Matt laughs again "Anyways so that's why I wanted to talk to you and that's it." Alrighty then. I heard she had been a bad girl the night before but I had also talked to her and she had expressed displeasure at Jesse James, saying she didn't go out with the girls cause she either opens her mouth and says something stupid or because Jesse is always trying to sabotage her. Which is why I kinda wondered after seeing it if Jesse had altered something for the steering or wheels or weight or something to cause it to drift. So I guess she could went out and rebelled/revenged against the world and done stupid shit or Jesse could went with her and did it too. IDK. I heard it was just her being very bad. And so it's really stupid for her to do that because I heard she been doing good. IDK. IDK I hope she had really been good since her last wreck and so now she had to learn again that she cannot be a bad girl or else. Or maybe it wasn't exactly her being bad or maybe it was just her being tempted. IDK what happened. I wasn't told anything exactly definite. I would suppose the level of pain she felt would determine the level of bad/evil she let herself experience. Or maybe it was something else altogether. I'm very tired. Last race weekend was ridiculous and I could not wait for it to be over. I'm glad some points were made about things but I was just so happy when people shut up and left me alone. And so because I was nice in my after discussion she told me she just thought it. And so she knows it was just a lesson to behave and that's all. She's doing really good. Not everyone can change and grow and decide to do better. She knew what she was doing was just getting more evidence for a longer prison sentence but didn't care. Until her hip broke. Then she knew. Lucky for her she may be pacing herself into, not quite Heaven yet, but in a much nicer place for herself after death. For instance, Jesse makes my life hell. When he's dead, he will be repaid a tenfold plus then he has to repay all the millions of money he made, because God chose to bless him instead of punish him but Jesse could not and would not appreciate that I'm actually really proud of Dejoria. I really am. I'm happy. I am so so so happy to be proud of her because I truly believed that I would never ever ever be even a tiny bit proud of her and always feel that she was doing things to show up, to be fancy, like someone who tries to hide they grew up in a trailer park and so use a fancy English accent (someone may say I did that but I got the accent from the lady on PBS cause I for real liked her cause she was totally sweet and awesome) I just always thought she would be fake. So I'm so pleasantly surprised And I'm glad that makes her feel better that my emotions about her are positive. Because that shows alot of growth. Like one time I told her I loved he several years ago. I thought she hated that enough to kill me. I was just in a good mood and she said she was going to go to sleep which meant she was leaving and would be gone and I was all yay I love you! It was just random and spontaneous and whoa yeah she was not happy. She thought I was lying I was just being honest. She was being cool that night. I love my enemies. As much as I hate them, I want them to do better I hate they annoy me. I want them to do better Doesn't mean I like them or I won't go back to "Being mean" I just want everyone to do better If they bug the shit out of me and they quit. Idc If they win a million dollars on the lotto. Because I already won. I got peace AND quiet. That's all I fucking want. That's why people are stupid to say I'm jealous. People don't understand me. Especially in the NHRA. they just don't get it. They're too competitive. If someone else wins then it means they lost. It's just not true. That's why I like to interpret accidents or wins or what ever. So that people can see a more distinct life than winning or losing. Like Dejoria. She didn't just get into an accident. She learned something. Something that SHOULD help her for the rest of her life. To teach her. To learn. She says it helps. The other day my aunt called and said her trailer broke down and asked me to go see about it. My aunt and I fell out a very long time ago and we just hadn't been able to reclick. Despite probably losing some expensive things she got from her dad's death, we were able to reclick. I feel so much better. I had no idea how much I needed that reclick. It was desperate. It's just a personal thing. But I mean it so totally sucked for her to lose that stuff. Turns out she has no idea where she left it and was not near where I was at all so it didn't help her at all to get her stuff. But she told me, you know, of course she was crying because she totally loved her awesome dad and wanted a few things, she said she just wanted love. And so she was happy I tried everything I could to find it although she didn't get Jack shit. We found each other and to her that's most important and to her own father as well. That's the kind of person I am as well. It's not fun and it totally sucks. But I'm hoping that cops helped out and stuff. IDK. Anyways. We will see. They often get my stuff I leave random places and they put it in storage for me, to prove theyre not just stalkers but also trustworthy. And that I have amnesia. So I hope they got it for her. I asked. So hopefully we can put a big tearful smile on her face. It will mine. So I just wanted to say my "boyfriend's" wreck two weeks ago was not because he was bad. When Courtney wrecks and I bring it up, it's because an issue in her family (her mom, most often) It's a lesson. It's serious. But bad things don't just happen to bad people. My aunt is absolutely amazing. She's loving and kind and so so so so smart although my mom says the most horrible things about her (my mom is jealous). I can't say enough about my aunt And for the record. She is not my biological aunt, she married my uncle whom as abusive to her and she left him. Crazy huh? But totally true. She's one of my most favorite people. (Leave her alone or I'll kick your ass) So Dejoria admits to being tempted and that makes her a bad girl. She should not let people make her want to hurt herself by hurting other people. It's not okay. Hurting herself and hurting others are both bad things. Okay so. Life is what you make it. Want love or want power. Want to steal magic powers of a small child, it's wrong plus dumb because it's a lie. Go to church. Learn God. Don't fuck with a kid. And because bad things happen it doesn't mean that nothing good ever will. Sometimes it means that something even more amazing will occur that would had never happened other wise. And it's not just me creating miracles. I need them, too. I'm human just as well as anyone else

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

//

“he can read a trial’s karma and ultimate fate”

ok well now you’re going from poorly thought out mind games to absolute bullshit

what the fuck does that even mean??? what karma does a trial have?? with my understanding of karma, that means Sadmad literally goes “hm i feel like letting this kid off would please the universe, as she’s innocent. fuck, you win apollo.”

-

'What is THAT supposed to mean?’ -Apollo Justice 2028

I'm wheezing the second i got mad he said exactly what I'm thinking 

-

“he can foresee how arguments will go and lead his opposition”

>leading the court is   i l l e g a l

>foreseeing arguments is kind of what every prosecutor does only they set traps. this one actually just sounds like Edgeworth’s logic applied to future tense instead of past so i guess i’ll give it a grudging pass.

>but thats Edgeworth’s power and also LEADING THE COURT IS FUCKING ILLEGAL, NOT A SUPER POWER.

-

me: [fuming]

game: [reminds me that phoenix Believes In Apollo]

me: [relaxes SOMEwhat]

-

trucy: sounds like he's chanting a prayer

me: its funny because juxtaposition 

-

I’m so fucking tired of Prosecutors being silent when the judge asks them if theyre ready

like jesus christ guys i know, we get it; youre too cool for school. just nod or some shit ok i wanna get on with my court case with a minimum of dick measuring 

-

whats frustrating is that the nickname ‘last rights prosecutor’ is actually kind of heartwarming because it means that all Nahyuta wants to do is secure the true villain of the case to punish them, thereby putting the victim’s soul at rest

BUT considering the trainwreck of emotional depth that was DD he’s probably just going to be another shithead who assaults you and calls you a moron instead of actually listening 

-

...his case info’s on a scroll. um. how delightfully foreign?

-

sadmad: why do you think she's innocent 

apollo: um well i believe in her, also its too early for me to exactly give you direct proof and also and most importantly the point of this court is to give the defendant a Fair Trial so 

sadmad: (does a Z move and performs an unfortunate bout of Voice Acting)

-

sadmad: sorry I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes since i’m new here and my court system is really different

me: oh well he’s understanding and ready to learn, that’s coo

sadmad: lawyers are sinners and i shall cut them down with my holy wrath if they dare so much as do their job in this country 

me: ...wow what was that five seconds?? he’s raring to get to those mistakes

-

judge: don’t threaten peoples’ lives

sadmad: its part of my CULTURE you fucking RACIST

judge: shit, please continue 

-

sadmad you'd better get a fucktonne more likeable in the next three seconds or I'm condemning you to your shit hell myself.

-

ema: no stress no snacks

[enters court]

ema: all stress all snacks

:( poor ema

-

ema; i think trucy’s innocent

sadmad: you will be punished

ema: fuck ok nevermind I'm sorry

BOATLOAD OF CHARM, SADMAD, I SAID BOATLOAD OF CHARM, NOT ABUSING YOUR DETECTIVE

-

this motive is stupid and youre stupid but to be fair most proposed motives in ace attorney are stupid so i guess you get a pass. a very grudging pass.

wait no never mind

apollo: thats conjecture wheres your evidence 

sadmad: a girl said it happened

apollo: well fuck 

-

i just dont get it. when franziska is a dick she’s funny but when sadmad’s a dick he's just a dick and i want to throttle him with his pretentious braid 

pls game you were going strong there; make sadmadhi funny and likeable in his dickishness (like the trilogy era guys, and sometimes Klavier) and not utterly insufferable 

I'm willing to hear you out 

-

nahyuta: I'm cutting your pay

[shrug]  i guess when you run out of ideas you just recycle edgeworth?? cause he's popular right

-

as douchey as he is sadmad is right about telling ema not to choose a side. cmon ema, just trust that apollo will figure it out. and apollo, quit begging her to choose a side! sheesh i cant believe I'm agreeing with sadmad.

-

please sadmad i hate frozen stop referencing it

-

apollo thinks stag beetles are cool and thats adorable 

-

oh hello Reunion and Turnabout, it’s been a while. 

-

sadmad: Assault in the name of the Holy Mother is Legal and Allowed also allow me to talk AND TALK AND TALK AS IS THIS GAME’S WONT 

-

“youre just a child” says the 25 year old. cram it, airy-fairy. besides, your shit princess is >14< and you let her dance around in a mini skirt and declare rulings. so double cram it.

-

“Ema, wait! I have to prove that I’m not a dick by quickly praising you so as to prove that I’m not a dick! Wait!! Seriously!! I HAVE TO BE LIKEABLE!!!”

-

again, i just dont get why its funny when Franziska whips Lotta Hart and annoying as fuck when Sadmad threatens Bonny with, um... rosary bondage i guess

-

tbf apollo is rly being aggressive on the WELL YOUU DONT THINK SHE DID IT, RIGHT??? i mean we all know she didnt but it’s your job to prove this, apollo, not coerce witnesses into siding with you. even phoenix wasn’t like that when he had to defend Maya or Maggey.

-

[wheezes]

sadmad: you lied to me

betty: lol so? dump me in hell idgaf

i like betty. she’s a dick to trucy and nobody touches my baby girl but still. love that defiance 

both sisters are p sweet i gotta say.

-

sadmad: so, you think a girl killed a guy so she could get revenge on another girl because she loathed her? how stupid. you stupid red fire hydrant pissed upon by wicked dogs. 

apollo: and you think that a magician faced with their secrets being revealed couldn’t, like, conjure up some duct tape? no? had to be death?? 

sadmad: ...;;;;;;; 

-

did bonny just meep 

-

“just be nice and quite like a good little bunny”

heehee typo

-

“I’ll yank your fucking hair out!”

“Whatever it’ll just grow back”

thats the best response ive ever heard (sobs)

good on ya polly

-

“showing up dead in the coffin was part of the prank”

um then if it was planned as such how is trucy responsible for this???

also shit guys i hope Take2 TV was willing to pay for the damage done by the falling set piece cause that shit splintered like crazy.

-

“But for some reason, he really DID turn up dead, so he kinda just stayed on the ground”

i know its inappropriate to laugh but I'm laughing so hard

-

sadmad quit calling down someone’s soul just to look cool; theyre trying to rest in peace 

-

“she signed her name to the bottom of an incriminating note” yeah for really reals that sounds smrt

“the handwriting matches yours” ah yeah the signature but not the fucking note just by looking its not the same its typed

you people are such morons

-

[borderlioness822]

I dont understand how life is so fucking boring like im so unsatisfied with everything. Men are boring, my friends dont listen to me, noo one does anything!!!! How is it that I live in such a huge city but im still fucking dyinggggggggggg when amy winehouse won a grammy and her one true idol tony bennett announced it aka the happiest moment of her life, she said to her bestie "this is so boring without drugs" My bestfriend who also has bpd is talking to me about the whole "empty feeling" people w bpd get which is me right now. its so annoying how my bpd is literally such a huge part of me and my character development that literally none of th symptoms feel foreign bc its literally fish in water. I dont understand how im supposed to have any sense of self when my entire personality is a textbook like what?? but alsoo i dont think so bc im really a diverse person. my personality is diverse. I am a business major and have always learned best with numbers, math, and an "exact" answer. but im really artistic and creative from what im told. A lot of teachers growing up seem so impressed by my creatvity but im just like this is me?? this is how i think??? im not trying to be creative or artsy. I guess thats the point? im genuine with it. So many kids esp temple kids are so not genuine w their creatvity and it all is just this hipster vomit. Amy winehouse was just herself and unapologetically north london. Ive been stanning all weekend but she deserves because me and her are so alike. its like i have this slight sense of self i cant really desrcibe, but ive always been kind of ashamed of it. like the whole creatvitiy shit, liking plays, having "white ppl" interests. but everyone growing up esp my mom shamed me for it bc thats that "dorky shit" so like i guess ive been subconsciously ashamed of all of those traits. I find myself constantly battling between being "mainstream twitter thottie bad bitch" who listens to popular music and i guess is conformed and i feel waaaay prettier like that but its sooo exhausting like i dont even like popular music (i sound like hipster vomit but i promise theyre biting off of ppl like me). I always sound so conceited and narcisstic but am i really???? i dont think so. i think i just get this sense of confidence and since i have bpd its so intense that i think im amazing. bc i def have moments where i literally want to die. sometimes i want to die to end all bad feelings, want to die bc i think ill be better appreciated once im dead. i definitely want that whole afterlife shit to be true so i can look down at the world once i die and see how it plays out. also meet amy like when she met tony bennet. its like the sweet ending. alsooooo its annoying that no one likes me!!! like no one is even gonna read this. maybe when im dead and appreciated yall will be like "omg iconic, truly!" like ugh gag me with a fuckin spoon i hate everyone also grammar is fake nothing is real its all about the meat of whats being said

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

like

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

like

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk