#kids are welcome in their places but i was always exquisitely aware of who makes the good fandom content

[britcision]

“Stop loving things because you are older now”

You mean after I finally got a job and skills to let me do really cool shit about the things I love?

Make me

[goldentournesol]

The Receptionist and the Profiler (Epilogue)

Chapter Eight: Epilogue

(Spencer Reid x f!Reader)

Series Masterlist

General Masterlist

A/N: Welcome to the final chapter of the series. this is just a summary of what Spencer and Reader’s life is like in the future. thank you so much for joining me on this journey. I’ve enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would. So without further ado, enjoy.

Working for the FBI made for a pretty wild life. Even though Y/N wasn’t an agent, her life had been caught up with work just like all the other agents’. It also didn’t help that her boyfriend was endangered practically every minute of every day. It was hard, but Spencer and Y/N made it work. Among the darkness, they created light for each other. Spencer was no longer dreading coming home to a quiet life of reading and rereading his favorite books. He had a partner, he had a lover, someone to depend on. She was there for him as he grieved the loss of his friend and coworker deeply and she was there when he struggled with his excruciating migraines. They walked through life together, facing the challenges head on.

Emily’s death had taken a toll on the both of them, but they were nothing short of relieved when they found out that she was alive and well. Many changes took place after that.

JJ had worked long and hard to turn into a profiler, the liaison had years upon years of experience before switching jobs which meant Hotch had to find a new communications liaison, but he didn’t have to look far at all. He had offered Y/N the job without a second thought. A lot of her job as receptionist covered a liaison’s job. She would often get numerous calls a day from nosy reporters and she’d have to shut them down. However, with the added responsibilities, she’d had to take classes and had undergone copious amounts of training with JJ and Hotch, but she found that she flourished in this new job, despite the hardships that came with it.

This meant that she had her own office now. Whenever Spencer wasn’t at his desk, he was in her office, and whenever she wasn’t in her office, she was at his desk. She often found that she missed her old job as receptionist, but nothing could replace the newfound feeling of making a difference in the world. She used to admire JJ’s ability to stand before nosy reporters and judgmental cops, and here she was, blowing herself (and the team) away with these hidden abilities. 

Before, she was aware of the general gist of the job, she knew it wasn’t easy, but the team often kept the gory details to themselves around her. Now, she had to pick and choose the gore which constantly left her with the question of whether she’d made the right choice or not. The intensity of the job had slightly damaged her spirits, but thankfully she had an amazing support system. She couldn’t have done it without Spencer’s unending support, or Hotch’s for that matter. Before allowing Y/N to accept the job, Hotch had made sure to warn her about the horrors first. She assured him she was ready, even though sometimes she felt like she wasn’t.

On the somewhat bright side, this also meant that she was around during most, if not all cases. This had Spencer jumping for joy, but it also terrified him to his bones. All his emotions were always on overdrive when it came to her. He was glad that he didn’t have to spend so much time away from her, but it simultaneously meant that he was constantly worried for her safety. He never wanted her to go into the field, ever. No matter the amount of combat training she did with Morgan. She found that she preferred interviewing victims’ families and controlling the press to facing serial killers head on anyway.

Sometimes it was easier for her to control the press from Quantico, so it wasn’t uncommon for her to stay back during cases. One particular case had dragged on for much longer than any of them had expected. The whole team was gone in Wisconsin and Hotch had asked her to stay back and hold down the fort at Quantico. The team ended up staying there for two weeks. It was the longest she’d ever been away from Spencer. Nightly calls weren’t enough for them and Spencer truly hadn’t experienced such an emptiness without her before.

As he scooped her into his awaiting arms right outside the elevator when they finally made it back to the office, he breathlessly declared to her, “Marry me.”

She pulled back from the tight embrace to examine his features, “What?” She said, voice thick with confusion.

“I don’t want to be away from you for that long ever again. I don’t want to wait anymore. Marry. Me.” He enunciated firmly. She broke out into a grin.

“Okay, I will.” She laughed and he squeezed her once more, savoring her warmth.

“This isn’t the official proposal by the way, you deserve something far nicer than all this, but I just want you to know that I’m ready if you are.” Spencer clarified and she threw her head back with laughter. Spencer’s heart soared at the sound.

Spencer took that statement and ran with it. He teased her every chance he got. At one dinner date they had planned, he had the nerve to begin his sentence with her full name, her heart dropping to her gut.

“Y/N Y/L/N, would you do me the honor of...sharing this fine wine with me?” Spencer said smugly, resulting in a shocked, but somehow relieved scoff coming from her.

A different time, he decided to give her a false alarm during one of their daily lunch walks in the park nearest to Quantico. He knelt down to one of his knees in the middle of their promenade.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you...wait for me while I tie my shoe?” Spencer asked with a face-splitting grin. This time, she didn’t hesitate to shove his shoulder slightly, causing him to lose balance and almost faceplant into the pavement.

At this point, she truly had no idea when he was going to pop the big question. Knowing him, it could literally be at any point in time. She had to admit, though, he kept her on her toes. A month later, she was sure he’d pop the question during JJ’s wedding reception because of the way he was staring at her all night. He’d looked dreamy in his tux to say the least. Y/N was almost too shy to dance with him because of how magnificent he looked. What she didn’t know was that he was thinking the same exact thing about her. She looked exquisite in the evening gown she adorned and Spencer was absolutely enraptured by her. 

Being so surrounded by love and admiration, Spencer finally asked her to marry him the second they made it through her front door. They stood in the small hallway between the kitchen and the living room. She had just turned around from taking her heels off and was met with Spencer down on one knee, holding the most beautiful ring out to her in a navy blue velvet box.

“I had this elaborate speech planned, Y/N, I really did. I was going to talk about the stars, about the first conversation we had when I told you about the origins of yogurt, about how stupid we were for not realizing our love for each other earlier, but I realized that none of that matters right now. All I know is that this feels right, you make everything feel right. Will you marry me?” Spencer asked, his face incapable of hiding even a sliver of the adoration he felt for her.

“Yes, I’ll marry you in every lifetime and every universe.” She said, tears falling freely from her eyes. He sprang to his feet and wrapped her up in a long awaited embrace. He felt her body shake with wet laughter against his. He placed the ring on her finger and quickly kissed her passionately. Their giddy giggles flew through and around them.

Spencer knew she didn’t want a long engagement. Her previous engagement was hard enough of the both of them. Their jobs were just so demanding, it was hard to set a date and keep from pushing it back. Their wedding planner was beyond frustrated with them, but what can they do? They’re literally out there saving lives. And before they knew it, two years had passed them by and they were due to be married in two months.

But, alas, Spencer Reid seemed to have a knack for getting shot by unsubs right before weddings. While they were investigating a difficult case in Texas, Spencer was shot in the neck. Y/N was at the police station when she’d heard. She wasn’t sure who took her to the hospital to see him, everything was a blur since she got the call. She was plagued by the fear of losing him. 

She’d overheard Alex Blake and JJ discuss how he’d always wanted children when she arrived at the hospital. In the back of her mind, she screamed that she’d give him all the kids he wanted, if the universe just let them breathe. 

All too quickly, she was a sobbing mess in JJ’s arms. He’d gotten hurt before, he’d been in danger before, but she’d never been as close to it as she was then, it terrified her. Garcia had arrived and guided her to Spencer’s room. In another flash of events, there was a loud bang and Y/N had barely registered that a gun was shot inside the room.

The ringing of her ears subsided just enough to hear Spencer tell Garcia, “You saved my life, do you hear me?” 

That was the second time his life was endangered in the span of two hours. Y/N looked her fiancé square in the face.

“I don’t want to wait anymore. As soon as you’re up and well, we’re getting married.”

Exactly one week later, they’d rushed through whatever they could rush through. Thankfully her dress was ready and altered, the cake was made to order, but sadly, they’d given up their gorgeous, gorgeous venue. Rossi was more than happy to offer up his backyard and the couple found it more than fitting to commemorate their love in the very location where Spencer had first confessed his feelings to her and where she’d returned them later. 

Life truly came full circle as Spencer stood in the same exact spot where he’d confessed his undying love for her the very first time. Spencer did everything he could to keep from sobbing like a child as he saw the owner of his heart stand before him, just like she did that day, but this time adorning her white dress.

Being the romantic sap that he was, he recounted almost every milestone in perfect detail during his vows. Through the unrelenting tears, of course. Y/N’s words came out wobbly and wet, but she managed to get her vows out. There really was not a single dry eye in the small, intimate crowd. The entire team had watched them fall in love oh-so-gracelessly over the years.

Their ceremony was beautiful. It was different than JJ’s had been, it was more special to the two of them. Spencer was in nothing short of awe as he watched his wife sway with Henry wrapped up in her embrace on the dance floor. Henry’s little arms and legs were wound tightly around her, the bottoms of his shoes surely smearing dirt all over the back of her dress, but she didn’t care. Not when Spencer was looking at her like that. His throat clogged itself up as she caught his eye and smiled sweetly. The same thing was on both their minds, it was like an unspoken agreement had been made through some kind of special, invisible bond between them.

He couldn’t wait to have a family with that woman.

And they’d wasted absolutely no time. Three months after the wedding, Y/N announced that she was carrying a baby Reid. Tears and cheers erupted for them all. They had found the perfect little house with the help of Morgan. It was perfect for their growing family.

Pregnancy wasn’t easy on Y/N at all. Flying all around the country and helping catch serial killers was not an activity that pregnant Y/N wanted to engage in. The team had been more than forgiving as they dealt with her mood swings and crazy cravings. It also turns out that soon-to-be mama Y/N was especially helpful in chewing out unsubs in the interrogation room, but as useful as she proved to be, she couldn’t wait to pop the little peanut out.

Spencer and the team were rushing off the jet to the hospital as they’d heard Y/N had gone into labor. Spencer had only missed the very beginning and was by her side the entire time after that.

They welcomed baby Emelia Reid into this world on a chilly September night. Spencer was over the moon, he was borderline obsessed with looking at the baby and keeping a hand on her at all times whenever she was in the room with them. 

He waited for his mother to fly out a few days later just to meet baby Emelia. He wept as he watched his mother kiss the top of his baby girl’s head. No other feeling could ever compete with the one he experienced at that moment in time.

Emelia had grown into such a radiant little girl. She was a miniature hurricane of chocolatey brown curls and rosy red cheeks. She’d already blown her parents away as her intelligence only seemed to increase with time. The similarities she had to her father were astonishing. She was a daddy’s girl through and through, but Y/N didn’t seem to mind sharing him. Not when the sight of them together instantly melted her heart every single time.

Diana tried to be as active in the baby’s life as she could possibly be, however her condition began to worsen over time. Eventually, Diana had had to move in with Y/N, Spencer, and Emelia. Thankfully, their house was large enough, but taking care of a toddler and Diana while being 6 months pregnant was inarguably too much to handle for Y/N. She’d found out that she was pregnant again, and they were expecting another baby girl. Y/N had also taken time off from work to focus on the dilemmas at home. 

The at-home nurse was doing the best she could since Spencer was always either at work or off finding Diana some kind of new treatment. He’d told Y/N that he’d been going to Mexico to get her some special medication and so she didn’t mind as long as she’d been kept in the loop of where and how he was. Spencer Reid never kept anything from his wife. They were always transparent with each other. Y/N was glad that he’d told her about his trips down to Mexico, or else she’d be out of her mind looking for him. 

But suddenly, during one trip, he’d stopped answering her calls. Complete silence on his end. It had driven her absolutely mad. It was only until JJ visited her the next morning informing her that Spencer had been arrested in Mexico for the illegal possession of drugs and possibly murder. If JJ hadn’t been around to catch Y/N before passing out, she or the baby would have been in extreme danger.

But Spencer Reid never kept anything from his wife. She’d been adamant that she would have known if he was struggling with drugs again. The last time she’d seen Spencer was during the trial. He’d looked so terrified as they pronounced him guilty and shoved him away from her. From his family. He’d spared Y/N one last broken glance, his gaze drifting down to her swollen belly. Their second child was on the way and he won’t be there to meet them. He mouthed a heartfelt apology before they took him away. Y/N wept and wept until everyone but the team left the courtroom.

“How am I gonna do this, Pen? How am I gonna do this without him?” She spoke between breathy sobs. The baby, Emelia, Diana. She couldn’t do it on her own. It would break her.

“You won’t be alone, Y/N. We’re all going to help you.” Penelope reassured her, but the only thing that was capable of reassuring her was currently in handcuffs behind closed doors.

She’d had to keep Spencer’s whereabouts from Diana and Emelia. She’d told him that he was consulting a case somewhere in California, where he also had access to the beach. Up until that lie wasn’t viable enough. Emelia’s questions about her daddy absolutely tore through what remained of her heart.

Diana’s caretaker had apparently quit and a new one came by. Y/N thought something was off, but she pushed that thought aside as she worried over her husband and the baby that they were due to meet any day now. Two months had passed and Spencer was still incarcerated, he hadn’t allowed Y/N or Emelia anywhere near the prison, but she’d broken down at the possibility of him being locked away for 25 years.

She’d visited him once, right after the birth of their second baby. They’d had another beautiful baby girl, whose name had been decided long ago by the two parents. Baby Adaline. The delivery was immensely difficult without him, but she pushed through. Y/N had almost begged Emily to pull any, any strings she could to get them to meet since Spencer said he’d only agree to see them if he could ensure their privacy and safety. They’d managed to get them in with Spencer’s lawyer, Fiona. Y/N cooed to Adaline as she cradled her in her arms, wrapped in her little blanket. The cooing served as a distraction as she waited anxiously for Spencer to meet them in the small little room. 

Suddenly the doors emitted a loud buzzing noise, prompting a loud cry from Adaline. A sound that was strange to echo off the walls of this place. Y/N shushed her gently until she caught sight of her husband walking through the door. Tears gathered in her eyes as she took in his disheveled state. His eyes found hers and quickly flitted to the squirming bundle of joy in her arms. Spencer’s lip wobbled as he entered the room. Y/N shifted Adaline to rest upon her shoulder as she wrapped one arm tightly around Spencer. No touching was allowed, but the guards pretended to look the other way, courtesy of whatever strings Emily had pulled.

The three of them bawled against each other in an unceremonious reunion. Spencer at last pulled away from his wife and stared at the baby in the bundle. He hesitated to carry her. His hands were clean, but they still felt so dirty. How could his hands hold this beautiful gift of life while they’d been committing such heinous acts within these very walls? But one utterance from his wife made that all vanish.

“It’s okay, Spence.” She smiled slightly, angling Adaline towards him. 

He gazed at Y/N closely, as if checking to see if she was sure. Y/N carefully handed her over to him and he instantly turned into less of a shell of himself and had begun to resemble the man that Y/N could recognize. He cooed to her softly, kissing her face repeatedly. Adaline instantly quieted down at her father’s touch.

The small interaction had fueled the pair for weeks. Spencer found a source of hope and was determined to see through to the other side. He would not rot away in his cell forever. The team continued to try and crack the case from the outside. Y/N was instructed to be more careful than ever. She often brought Emelie and Adaline to work with her. She had not been flying out with the team, preferring to stay close to her girls until Spencer was back.

On one of the days Y/N brought her girls to work, she’d found out that Diana had been missing. Her caretaker was accompanying her to visit Spencer in prison and then neither of them had been seen afterwards. They quickly identified the caretaker as Lindsey Vaughn. If Y/N had been on the case with them ten years ago, she would have identified her, but she was just another face to her. Y/N was livid, Vaughn had been around her children, she’d been inside her home. If Spencer didn’t get to catch the bitch, they better believe Y/N will.

Spencer was released quickly after the BAU proved his innocence. He was on his way to the office now. Y/N had been peering into Adaline’s carriage when she’d heard the high pitched voice of Emelia.

“Daddy!” Emelia exclaimed, racing across the bullpen to jump into her father’s arms.

“Hi baby. Daddy missed you so much.” Spencer said, hiding his tears in his daughter's hair. He held her tightly to his chest as he crossed the bullpen and made it to Y/N’s office. He put Emelia down gently and scooped his wife into his arms.

“You’re back.” She said softly through tears. 

He hooked his chin over her shoulder and sniffled strongly. He might not be the same man he was before, but he still loved her unconditionally. He still loved all three of them unconditionally.

“I’m here.” He repeated the phrase out loud like a mantra.

And he was here, but he also wasn’t. His wife could tell that the man who stood before her had endured hell, but when he cradled their baby girl so tightly to his chest, it was hard to imagine him as anything other than a loving, gentle father, and a compassionate partner. She knew she’d hold onto that thought forever. Once they retrieved Diana, they knew they could face anything.

As long as they were together.

And they knew they would be, for as long as the universe would allow in this life, and then the one after that.

~THE END~

previous chapter/ bonus chapter

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thank you for all the love, feedback is always appreciated!

[mariahthelioness29]

Remember the time

Pairing: SamBucky! X Black! reader 

WC: 7.3K (EYE... idk why they keep getting longer)

A look into y/n’s relationship with Sam and Bucky years after Send the Addy.

Send the Addy was part of @blackmissfrizzle  and her Frizzle’s 2K Follower Celebration & Bad Bitch Challenge. I had the song Send the Addy by Flo Milli.

Warning: Angst, fight, violence, minor character deaths, SMUT, light D/s dynamics, threesome, sir and daddy naming, shower sex, rough sex, rimming, oral (male and female receiving), fingering, masturbation (male), fingering, cum eating.

@sambuckyslayallday @blackmissfrizzle @xbuchananbarnes @avintagekiss24 @helahades @sapphirescrolls @rasberrylemon @saltball @honestlyfrance @black-mcu-imagines @blacklavenderjade @saintsebastian-stan @deansblackbeauty @marvelmaree @honeychicanawrites  @siancore

“y/n,what's your status”, Bucky asks in his coms.

You heard Bucky’s call but you decided to ignore it. 

“Hang on”, you gruffed him through the coms. 

You have to save the Ihumann all in chains by the Kree. 

You are appalled that slavery is a reality, still. 

Only this time is among aliens. 

You are gathering information on the Kree and Skrull cold war for Sam and Danvers. 

You jumped down from a level to the other and appeared in front of the Kree soldiers. 

“ Hey, sailors”, You salute the Kree soldiers before frying them with energy coming out of you.  They drop calcined. 

The poor Ihumann are shaking like leaves. One of them grabbed a kid for dear life. 

You assume the kid is theirs. 

“ I am here to help”, you signed to them in their language. 

They nod like bobble heads, still terrified.

“Here”, you signed 

 You hand them some guns and retractable Wakandan spears. 

“ Walk behind me and when I say attack, you do as I say”. You signed to them. 

“You walked fast with them and you signaled them to hide. 

Some hide behind columns with you and the others blend in with the wall.

Everything was going great, according to plan. 

Until other Kree Soldiers noticed you and the Ihumann. 

You make them rush to the spacejet. 

You press a button to open the spacejet from behind  

 You gave them all the space suits buttons you had including your own and only a young Ihumann stayed with you. 

“ I’ll fight with you”, he signals. 

Hissing and groans in pains, screams in agony , the Ihumman slashed through the Kree Soldiers. 

You electro shock them until one the Kree soldier you did not see, impaled the Ihumman from his back. 

You hear a strangled scream, that is deafening. 

You all wince and turn around. You see blue blood pouring, hands over their mouth, eyes wide in shock and a spear through him. They drop to their knees and they look at you. 

“NOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!”, you screamed.

Being distraught, the Kree soldiers took advantage and put a stabilizer on you.

A silent scream escapes your throat, the stabilizer bites in your skin, rendering you powerless.

The Kree soldiers put you in chains and make you walk with them. 

You are going to another section of the massive compound floating along the sky. 

"Huh? , a Terran, Quu, told me they are exquisite, I will find out  with this one". He tugs at your chain.

" Save a spot for me, I am trying to find out too". The other soldier says.

You feel a presence. 

You see a black shadow. 

You hear shots and you flinch. You hear the men trapping you, dropped like a potato sack. 

You are relieved to see Bucky but suddenly you are not. 

You realize why the man is feared and why the name Winter Soldier exists. 

If looks can kill, you would’ve been 10 feet underground. 

“ Buck, I can explain”. You say all breathy. He walks to you. He gets you out the chains. He barely acknowledges you, hands you a glass like chip, takes you by the forearm, puts the space suit button on you and taps on it. You are surrounded by the space suit. 

Through nooks and crannies, you reach the underground, shooting some soldiers down the way. You manage to escape, through a narrow exit near the underground motors of the compound.

You float to the spaceship and enter it. You click on the button and the space suits disappear.

He makes you sit and he takes the aid kit, injecting a little local anesthetic. 

He cuts around the stabilizer and then takes it out with some tweezers. It is hard work cause the stabilizer has some hooks in it.

He takes the bloody stabilizer out of your neck, dropping, stomping it on the floor. He puts some nanobites to close the injury and some alcohol.

You hiss at the feeling of the alcohol and the nanobites.

Bucky’s jaw is square with anger. 

He looks at you with the corner of his eyes. 

He sees the Ihummann in the spacejet. 

“ Translate for me, you are safe and welcome” ,he orders you in a robotic tone. 

You sign what he says. They smile at you and they all say thank you to you. 

Relieve is all over their faces. Some of them sigh, others with tears of happiness. 

“ They say thank you”, you whisper to him. 

He smiles at them but you know it is a smile that does not reach his eyes.

He bows to them with his fist on his chest. 

A sign of “your welcome”, a reverence you taught him.

They all do the same to him back. 

He goes to the cockpit of the spaceship and you beside him. 

“ Bucky”, you try to talk to him. 

“ Not now, y/n”, he gruffs. 

You know, you are for one hell of a talk with him and Sam, when you’re back on Earth. 

It took you three weeks to get back on Earth. 

It was the route where Kree least looked for you. 

Sam and Danvers are aware of what you did, but they cannot help with resources for now. 

You stop in several planets, from negotiating some of your arsenal, curing aliens, selling some Earth trinkets, cage fighting, even some stripping. you and Bucky did on Traia to have food, oxygen, water, special water for the Ihumman and a place to rest. You were a success on Traia, they never saw Terrans before. So much, you and Bucky needed to fight the bar patron to let you out.

Bucky only said good night and talked to you the necessary. 

You slept with your backs against each other. 

He is still mad at you. 

You arrived at the headquarters. 

Bucky's hair was to his ears. His beard was full. 

Your hair looks tired and ran through. You all stink. 

The Ihumann stayed in the jet. They need to stay since Earth’s oxygen is nauseating to them, but you promised them you will find a way they can have a shower too since Earth's water makes them ill. They have to talk in signs all the time cause their voice is too high for human ears. 

Once you shower, you put on some comfortable clothes. 

You go to your office. You dread in your spirit, the debriefing and the report you have to do. 

“ ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKIN��� MIND!!!!”,Sam screeched, entering your office with Bucky. 

“BOY, DON’T YOU YELL AT ME, I’M NOT FIVE”, you yell back at him. 

“This the welcome I get, you two ganging up on me”, you huff. 

“ I am not the one, who went head on to Kree soldiers, put Ihumann in the jet, got captured by the Kree, Bucky reminds you. 

“We had to do everything to stay afloat for three weeks alone in space or did you forget Traia”. Bucky reminds you again.

“You jeopardize this whole mission, are you aware of that”, Bucky seethes. 

“ Oh!, you act surprised with your hand on your chest. “Ladies and Gents, Non-binary peeps, he speaks”, extending your arms to the side.

“Yes, I did and I’ll do it again, I will not be impartial, waiting for instructions  while beings are put in chains, used as live-experiments, to appease some bullshit power”. You demanded. 

“ You sidetracked this mission and brought Ihumann to earth, what are we going to do with them,the air makes them nauseous, they do not even drink the same water as us, it makes them ill!,Sam speaks with disbelief, pointing to the spacejet.

“ I will find a solution, I am the doctor here, don’t you worry ‘bout it”, You answer him. 

Sam huffs in disbelief with his hand on his hip. Bucky just sits on the chair, rubbing his temples. 

You throw the chips on the table . The one that Bucky gave you ,two chips extras. They were not even aware of the other two. 

Their eyes are wide. They look at the two extra chips and then each other.

“Here is your mission”. You say to them.

“I AM NOT STUPID, YOU TWO ALWAYS CUT MY WINGS IN MISSIONS” your voice hoarse with anger. 

They both look at each other. 

“ That’s not true!”, Sam rushes out. 

“ Oh no ,it isn’t?, I've always had to ask Hill and Danvers, because you never want me to do outside work.”

“ All the schedules for the mission, I am the one that receives a little thing and some bullshit paperwork”. 

“ I do it, 'cause I want you safe”, Bucky says trying to calm down. 

" I don't want another kidnapping and you receiving the full force of a dying star on you”, Sam say pointing at you and getting closer to you.

"I know what I got myself into, when I decided that this is  what I'm going to do for a living and I survived, I am here".

“We need to help the Ihumann, there are the ones suffering the most”, you plead to Sam. 

“ We are trying to find a solution for that  cold war, this can affect earth, our galaxy and you bringing Ihumann will jeopardize that. This will make us look biased! .” Sam defends.

“ Oh, I read the debriefing documents, the idea is that the Kree colonize Koraa and let them have their way and pretend we do not see it”, You answer with venom. 

“ That looks like the most wise decision, for now, y/n, let them believe they have a little power and when they least expect, we come in”, Bucky defends. 

“ Do you both realize that by doing that it is the ⅗ compromise all over again ?” You look at them with disdain. 

“ y/n, Buck and Danvers are right”, Sam touches your arm up and down, but you retreat your arm from him. 

“ Have you lost your sense of self!”, You look at Sam up and down. 

“ Black people, Native Americans, we are the products of that atrocity to this day. 

You, Danvers, and him think that is the best solution for the Ihumann”, you ask in disbelief. 

“ Y’all disgust me, get the fuck outta my office, the door is right there”. You say to them with a tear in your eye. 

They both look at you, with pleading eyes. 

NOW!!, you shout at them.

Bucky stands from the chair, eyes down. Sam eyes down too and they leave. 

You drop on your chair, your head down, you let the tears win. 

You sob loud, letting the three weeks of stress get out of your system. 

You cry for the young Ihumann that you saw dying, fighting for freedom, defending his folk. You will mourn for him according to their tradition. You take deep breaths, you dry your eyes, after some time. 

Your ears still hurt from the strangled scream of the Ihumman. 

 Feeling a little bit better, you walk out of your office to the main kitchen. You take raw fish and poultry, portion them in Ziploc bags. You take more fish and poultry out of the freezer,  defrost and portion them in Ziploc bags and put it all in a big shopping bag. 

You enter the front doors and you give the Ihummann the portions. 

“We can help you with the oxygen machine and water customization”, three young Ihumann women sign to you. 

“We have enough oxygen, for a couple of days, in the space suit, we can do something that can filter the oxygen here and the water, my name is Kala”. She signs. 

“I’m y/n, nice to meet you Kala, we start tomorrow, at dawn, it is not much, I’m sorry”. You signed pointing  at the food. 

" and I am sorry for losing one of you", you signed, regret all over your face.

“It’s okay, this will really do, my name is Jouuma”, she signed to you.

"Moab, he died a hero, it hurts but it was not in vain, He would've been happy seeing we are free.",Joumma signed to you. You come close to her and extend your arm to hug her. You hugged each other and you distanced from each other 

You put your hand in your chest and sigh in reliefs. They smile

 They nod and yawn. “Get some sleep”. You signed.

“ It’s okay, again thank you for saving us, my name is Ula, goodnight”. One of them signed.

“Goodnight”, you signed to them, with a smile while exiting the spacejet. 

You go back to your office. You take the mattress out of the sofabed.

“Thank Jesus, I bought this”. 

You tiptoe to your shared bedroom with Sam and Bucky. They look asleep. You take some heavy blankets and then to the kitchen for some ice cream and chocolates. 

You were watching some series, but you felt your eyes closing, you were full of chocolates and ice cream and you fell asleep on the sofabed

Sam and Bucky come to your office later in the night. They open the door and tip toe in. 

They are both restless, you are not there. The bed feels cold, without you. 

“Do you think she will get mad when she wakes up on the bed instead ?”, Sam asks.

Bucky shrugs. 

“I just want us to sleep comfortably, I miss her and my bed”, Bucky says voice full tiredness and he yawns. 

They see you deep in sleep. A pint of ice cream and chocolate wrappings inside the pint on the floor next to the sofa bed. The T.V projector on. 

They see your alarm set at the crack of dawn and some calculations on the desk.

Sam, moves the curtains and sees the spacejet.

“She is going to work with them in the morning”, Sam states to Bucky. 

Bucky nodded with his lips pursed. 

Sam and Bucky’s eyes are puffy from crying. 

Bucky carries you out of the office bridal style. 

Sam puts the mattress back in the sofa, turns T.V off and takes out the pint of ice cream with him to the kitchen. 

He goes to the spacejet to talk with Ihumann, with a translator. 

In your bedroom, Bucky puts you in the middle of the bed. He sets the alarm the same time you had the alarm in the office. 

He caresses your face with a delicacy to not wake you up. He ghosts his lips over your hairline and breathes you in. He realizes there, that you are not the same wide eyed sugar baby at the start of your relationship with them. It cost him to shake that state.

 They were your providers, you called for them when you were in trouble, but you grew out of that. 

You are now Dr. y/n. y/l/n, pioneering space anthropologist, alien anatomist and alien rights advocate and scientist.

He sighs and tangles his leg on top of yours, facing you and goes to sleep. 

Sam enters the bedroom 

He sees the beautiful sight of you and Bucky breathing deep asleep.

He realizes, it is true what you said earlier. He has lost his way. In his way to mitigate the scandal that was the world knowing their relationship with you, he began to be more complacent to the point, he is not the same Sam Wilson.

 You are showing him that when you cannot compromise, you won't. You are trying to prevent a system of discrimination. All of the things, he should be doing. 

He goes to the other side of the bed next to you, facing your back, he sleeps the closest he can to you, breathing you in and ghosting his lips over your shoulder.

You woke up and groaned at the sound of the alarm beeping for the third time. You feel two weights next to you. Bucky was cocooned next to you with his leg tangled in yours. Sam was on his back but he has your arm extended on his chest.

You detangle yourself from them and get out the bed. You see them stir a little in their sleep, their faces screwed up. “Hmm, even in their sleep , they can feel whenever I go”, you thought. You shake your head. You love them so much but you cannot let them stagnate you because they want to protect you. You know they mean well, but you are your own person, you have to be. 

You take a shower, put on some comfortable blue overalls and a blue shirt with some blue working boots and you go to the spacejet with the Ihumann. Blue is the mourning color of the Ihumann. 

Kala, Jouuma and Ula are up in their spacesuits. 

“Morning”, you sign

They salute, signing morning. “You are wearing blue”, Ula noticed. 

“I am in mourning for Moab, I will shop, some blue clothes for you later”, you told them. 

“Thank you but we do not want to become burdensome to you and your “husbands” ”, Joumma tells you through signs.

You point at them, then do waves on your face , put the number three with your fingers and a circle with your hands, you wiggle your finger and then throw your hand behind your back hard. 

That means:

“You deserve mourning for Moab, it is not a burden”, you assure them. 

“ How do you know I have “husbands”?”, you signed. 

“ Yesterday night, a man of your color introduced himself as “Sam”, your husband and said the other man with the metal arm “Bucky�� was your husband too, that you are working hard to give us a space, he translated with a virtual translator. If we need anything, press this  for any emergency, they will come cause you need sleep”, Ula signed and pointed to the emergency tablet.

“He said, he will try his best on the council to give us our land back”, Jouuma signed.

You sighed. You are happy that the Sam you know is still there. You know, he does not make empty promises. 

They are in awe seeing the dawn and the birds fly.

They are smiling at each other and at the sky. You know that feeling. Whenever you are in space, you are like them, excited from everything around you.

With that all of you go to the basement of the compound

Later that day, you brought all of regular clothes and blue clothes for them and cut holes in the pants so that their tails were free. You wore blue and did intermediate fasting with them for three days in honor of Moab

You were working day and night for a week straight. Kala, Jouuma and Ula were the test subject for the chambers and they gave some recommendations.

 You enlisted the help of Shuri, Tony, Bruce and Helen to make the lowest part of the basement of the compound suitable for them. The basement was big enough for some chambers and a couple of showers with special ionized water for them. Your other work was deciphering the encryption on the chips with Carol.  

It was mostly a reading and staying quiet affair. There was still a little animosity between you and Carol, since you did not agree on the conditions for the end of the cold war.

You have given her the cold treatment. She has apologized already but you were not going to let her off the hook that easy.  

“y/n”, Carol says your name soft. 

You turn to her. 

“I am so sorry, for not seeing the Ihumann how the conditions of armistice can affect the Ihumann, I was shortsighted and I brought Wilson and Barnes to my lack of vision, It was completely insensitive of me not thinking not seeing this from your point of view. I understand if you do not accept my apology. Regardless, I will work on seeing things from different points of views and that these solutions actually help the people that needed the most. I hope de-encrypting this can give us the upper hand so that we can help the Ihummann, Carol apologize. 

you chuckle. 

“That was nice”

“Hmm, how does those words taste coming out of your mouth”, you tease Carol smirking,

She rolls her eyes, “like the worst kind of vinegar, It feels horrible when I fuck up, horrible but they are necessary”, She admits. 

“I hope we can find something with the program we installed”, You go and lay your head on her shoulder. 

She sighs and nods, looking at the chips with connected to the projector, 

“When are you going to resolve your differences with Wilson and Barnes?” Carol asked. 

“I have never seen two men so lovesick and sad. It is like a Skrull tragedy”, Carol expressed. 

“Maybe tonight, but I will have a party with the Ihummann to celebrate in the basement, you are invited too”. You hand her a face mask with a filter and a pair of headphones. 

She is surprised with the mask  and headphones on her hand. “The party is in the basement”, you say walking out. 

The basement is nice, It is their environment, they even manage to start growing some of their vegetables. Ula had some seeds in her pocket.

You are there with your oxygen filtering mask and some headphones to hear the music to your frequency, courtesy of Tony and Shuri. They designed a surround system that was on the frequency of sound apt for them but not deafening for the rest tower.

You were showing different music of “Terra”(Earth), you were showing them Afrobeats, now they are listening to Beyonce's ``Already. The video was there on the projector and they were imitating the dance steps, step by step perfectly. The Ihumann have amazing photographic reflexes. They understand the lyrics, they love the rhythm. There is a translator embedded in the projector. If you take your headphones off, you are sure you will be deaf. They have the volume so high. That’s why you talk in signs. Human voice or humanoid voice and its frequency is too low for them and their voice is too loud for your ears.

They ask you if the blue men in the video are alien, they have blue skin. You signed to them they are human but painted blue. They all signed oh.. 

You signed that you will show them another genre and another artist from you were a little bit younger. You play Send the Addy and 19  by Flo Milli. “It is called Rap/ Hip-Hop and this one of my favorite artists, Flo Milli”. 

They start jumping to the song and then imitating how you dance.

You start dancing just like how you remember doing the way you used to. Going all down and starting twerking to the floor and they all do the same. You laugh seeing them twerk

You remember that night in the hotel years ago.

How lively and also kind of naïve you were. 

How dependent you used to be of Sammy and Buck. You miss that girl from time to time. 

Before trending on twitter as #blackmonicalewinsky, before going with the Guardians to escape all that scandal, change your identity, become a pioneer in a career made by Jane Foster and Carol Danvers, going to missions on different planets, before being an avenger, before escaping from space pirates and rather jump on a dying star than to be theirs, Carol finding you passed out floating in space and getting your powers.

Carol arrived at the celebration and you know she likes Classic Rock. 

You signed to them that the type of music they are going to listen to is Rock and the band is Gun n Roses, that they are classic and renowned here on Terra. They all have wide eyes and they mouth Oh.. 

After a while of rock music videos, they were listening and watching Michael Jackson’s Remember the time. You told  them that Michael was one of the best artists to ever grace Terra. He made moonwalking famous and he is a staple of Terran music. 

They all watch your signing intently to remember what you said, like good kids in school.

They were like little kids in a movie theater. You look at them screaming scared when Michael appeared from the dust in the video. 

“Those sweet memories

Will always be dear to me

And girl no matter what was said

I will never forget what we had

Now baby” Michael was singing. 

Your mind went to all the amazing times, Sammy, Buck and you had. All the times when you felt on top of the world. The song is one of Sam and Buck’s favorites. You need to make amends with each other. You want to but you just haven’t got the time. You are scared your fights were never this long. It has been a month. You are in that weird grey zone. Not that mad at each other but there is still not a proper closure to this.

At the end they were imitating the dance moves in the dance break of the video, perfectly just like the dancers in the video. It was outstanding, seeing Jouuma imitate Michael Jackson so good like she was some live extension of him.

“Michael would’ve been proud; aliens listening to his music and enjoying it”, you thought. 

“ I am going to get ‘em and resolve our differences”, you say to Carol. 

“ Go, get’em, tiger, You will be wobbling to the office tomorrow, I just know”, Carol snickered, you shove her. She laughs and you shake your head and stifle a laugh. 

Talos was with Sam and Bucky and some of the Ihummann with their oxygen filter mask. 

Sam and Bucky were smoking.

Sam was smoking a Cuban cigar, Bucky a plain Marlboro. 

They were all concentrating on a game of poker. 

It was ridiculous how many times they have lost to the Nuk, Cab and Ilu,the Ihumann playing poker with them.

You smell tobacco and you roll your eyes. You hate tobacco, but your heart softens. They only do that when they are too stressed.

You saw them playing. You went to the table. You sat on Sam’s lap, you kissed him on the corner of his lips. You did the same to Bucky, you sat on his lap, you kiss the corner of his lips. You get up and walk , then you turn around your head, looking at them with desire and continue walking, swaying your hips. 

All the Ihumann, Talos, the other Skrulls, look at Bucky and Sam. 

They start either signing whistling sounds or whistling to Sam and Bucky. 

Sam feels his cheeks heat up, Bucky actually gets red in the face. 

“I see you will get lucky tonight,boys, I don’t know much about Earth women, but that is a woman after something, Talos said to them, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“You know that is the first sign of loving, we have received in a month”, Bucky tells the group.

“What the hell are you here for, GO!!!, to where she is, Nuk, the Ihumann signed to them. 

Bucky and Sam understood with the translator. He and Sam get up from the table and walk to their room so fast, one probably could see the dust in shape in their form, just like the cartoons. 

You took all your clothes. You went straight to the shower. 

The water was relaxing and giving you courage. 

You hear their footsteps in the room and you smile.

You  are vibrating with anticipation just like that one time in the hotel or your first time together. 

They hear the shower. They take their clothes in a frenzy. In a second,they are only in their boxes. 

They enter the bathroom. They see you through the glass and their mouths water. 

“May we join, ma’am ?”Bucky asks all breathy, eyes darkening, taking you in. 

“You may”, you whisper to them, sliding the glass barrier.

Sam and he take off their boxers and step into the shower, enter in and  slide the door close.  

You feel the air change when they step up. 

The way they are surrounding you. 

Bucky goes behind you and Sam in front.

Your lips are quivering, feeling Sam and Bucky this close.

He cups your face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs on your cheeks.

He ghosts his lips on top of yours and kisses you unhurried. 

He increased the pace of the kiss. He sweeps his tongue on your lip. Your lips part giving him access. You are making out with him, massaging each other’s tongues.

You are falling in that feeling of surrendering to them. 

Bucky hugs you from behind then he starts massaging your breast. The water, the contrast of metal and flesh. You throw your head on his shoulder. Your breathing is getting ragged. 

Bucky is hissing in your ear. The rubbing of your ass against his dick was making him dizzy. 

Sam brings you close to him again, to kiss you with all the passion he has.

Bucky entered his finger in you. You gasp into the kiss and Sam starts to suckle on your neck. You are so soaked, and warm on his fingers. “ Fuck it, I can’t wait, I going to take you here ”, Bucky rushes out 

Sam stops the water. 

He makes you find support by putting your hands on the tiles, caging Sam in.

He brings your ass to him and he lines up with your entrance. 

He thrusts into you in one go, groaning “Goddamn”.

You cry out “Daddy, fuck!”. 

Sam drops on his knees in between your legs, flicking his tongue on your clit.

You go cross-eyed. “Sir, fuck, that’s so good”, you whine

After a while, he starts flicking his tongue on Bucky’s balls and Bucky stutters his movement moaning. 

“FUCK!!, you two are going to be the death of me”, Bucky rushes out in between groans and moans. 

You can only moan and bring  your ass back to him. 

“Daddy, you feel so good”, you shrill. 

“Fuck, baby, bring that ass to me, sweetheart keep doing that”, he moans.

Sam keeps flicking his tongue, humming, moaning against Bucky’s perineum. 

He is jerking himself hard, he stops when he feels he is too close. He walks on his knees a little so that he can stand up from Bucky legs. He just looks at sight of you and Bucky ravishing each other.

“Yes, yes, fuck yes”, you babble.

You feel yourself tightening around him.

“Daddy, please, I…”, you scream

“I am close too, honey”, Bucky breathes out. He is going in and out unrelentingly. You come with a strangled high pitched moan. Your whole body shakes with release. 

“Baby, I love you so much, baby, y/n”, he groans, picking his pace up to a new speed. 

Damn!!, you cry out at him going faster. 

You feel his dick twitch 

After a few thrusts, you feel the warmth of his cum inside you and him groaning your name. 

“Wow”, he breathes out. You catch your breaths.

You hum in response, you feel light and relaxed. 

He pulls out, turns you to face him and kisses you. You both smile into your kiss. 

You hug each other tight. 

He runs his hands up and down your back to your ass. 

You breathe him in. You missed this and both of them so much.

You both approach Sam. 

Bucky grabs Sam’s head, kisses him hard, they hug each other,  grope each other, rub against each other. 

They are making out. All tongue, moaning and humming. Bucky kisses his neck and sucks on it to leave a mark. Sam moans and hiss.

“That was so hot, baby boy”, Sam tells Bucky out of breath.

“It was so good, you under me and our baby girl fucking herself on me”, Bucky responds out of breath. They both look at you. 

Your mouth waters and your pussy throbs, watching them. 

“How about we take this to the bed ?”, Sam asks, his voice raspy, deep. 

You look at him. He is rock hard. You bite your lip and you nod. 

“Yes, sir”, you answer him.

You exit the shower.

You all take your towels and dry in a rush, leaving the towels there on the counter.

In the bedroom, you kiss Sam, all tongue, your hand on his ass, his hands on your ass. 

You are both touching and groping each other. 

You kiss his neck then his chest, leaving a trail of kisses until you drop to your knees.

Bucky was enjoying the show, laying on the bed. One hand behind his head and the other jerking himself off slow.

“What do you want, pretty baby ? Sam looks down at you, grabbing his dick. 

“ Use my mouth, sir”, you look at him with doe eyes.

He taps his dick on your lips.

“Open up”, he says. You open your mouth wide.

He goes slowly into your mouth, “Fuuuck”, he rasped.  

Then he pulls slow, “Goddamn”, he rasped.

You choke on his dick over and over again.You bobbed your head up and down, gagging

You jerk the part you can’t reach.

 He groans “Shiiiit”,feeling the back of your throat. 

“That’s it, honey,  deep just like that, you are so good with that mouth, Bucky encourages while stroking himself.

You take Sam out your mouth and lick his head full of pre cum with kitten licks. 

“Ahh,baby” he rushes out.

He fucks your mouth without mercy.

He stops. 

He sits on the edge of bed, he wiggles his finger to come to him. “Crawl to me, like the good girl you are”, he demands. “Yes sir”, you answer, crawling to him. 

You reach to him and he grabs the back of your neck. Driving your head up and down the way he saw fit. He threw his head back, lips parted, eyes to the ceiling, he was breathing heavy, moaning, hissing, groaning. 

Bucky crawled next to Sam and kiss him.

He whispers to his ear: “She sucking your dick good, sweetheart?, I know she is good at that, that mouth of hers does wonders. You keep sucking him, taking a breather here and there and going back to business.

You hear what Bucky says and Sam moaning, your pussy feels wetter.

Bucky grabs your head, making your head go up and down to his pace, while kissing Sam’s neck .

Sam nods fast, moaning.

Bucky pulls your head off Sam's dick. 

“Baby girl, come up, put that ass on daddy’s face”, Bucky rasped. 

You put your ass on his face and you're facing his dick, you stroke it and he hisses. 

“Fuck you’re dripping wet, you like sucking dick that much, pretty girl?” Bucky asks you then lick your slick. 

You mewl; “Yes, Daddy” 

“Come here, Sammy, give our girl what she needs”, Bucky tells Sam. 

Sam crawls to where you are.

He is on his knees, legs a little wide, each on each side of Bucky’s head. 

You are your hands and knees and Bucky is under you. 

Sam lines up with your entrance and thrust in. 

“Sir!!!”,you scream

He rams into you, he spanks your ass cheek. 

You jolt and whine; Sir, that feels so good, spank me, please”. 

He spanks you hard, you feel your ass tingling and burning. You hiss.

Sam fucks into you, groaning, moaning, breathing heavy. 

He grips your hips hard and thrust into you fast, while bringing your ass to him. 

You let out high pitch moans and groans. 

“That’s it baby, I wanna hear you, I’ve missed those sounds”, He says driving into you with force. 

Bucky is under seeing the connection between Sam and you. 

He scoots a little and he is under your clit.

He licks fast on your clit, humming, while jerking himself off. 

His licks, the vibration of his hum, Sam unforgiving pace.

It is too much. 

“Sir, daddy, I’m…”, you cannot not even finish your sentence. 

Sam levels a brutal slap to your ass. 

“You are going to take what we give, baby”, Sam grits out, still fucking you non stop. 

You mewl: “yes, sir”.

You feel him so deep, you close your eyes. 

You scream: “Fuck, sir, Fuck”. 

He yanks you by the hair. You hiss. 

“Who am I, naughty girl ?”, He grits out,

His bottom lip between his teeth, He is going somehow deeper. 

“YOU’RE MY SIR !!'', you scream so hard, the Ihumann would finally hear a human voice for the first time in their life. 

Bucky still licking you, Sam yanking your hair and his pace. 

“GOD!!, you scream, you feel your insides tighten hard and clear liquid comes out.

You come gushing out. 

Sam pulls out and he wets his fingers with your juices.

“Fucking sweet”, he states and hums at the taste. He stares at how you squirt and Bucky laps it all up.

Bucky catches it with his mouth. He jerks himself faster. He comes with a moaned version of y/n , Sammy. 

You grab the sheets hard. Your comfort is Bucky warm abs against your face. Your face has Bucky cum.

Sam thrust in hard again. 

“Baby, squeeze me like that, it’s so fucking goood”, Sam rushes out of breath. 

He is going at it, fast, demanding. 

You mewl, moan and groan. Your eyes closed and lips parted.

He keeps the pace and cries out “SHIT!!!, He groans: “Oh, my God”. 

His eyes close, breathing ragged, he comes with a long, loud moan. 

He empties inside you. 

Sam pulls out, taking deep breaths. He lays on his side of the bed.

You catch your breath, resting your head on Bucky’s abs. your ass is still up. 

Your pussy pushes all the cum out and Bucky laps it all up.

“Ahh fuuckk”, you sigh, you are so sensitive, feeling Bucky's tongue slowly eating you out. 

“You taste so good together”, Bucky says savoring you and Sam.

You scoop Bucky’s cum and lap it all up. 

You stand up from him and go to your spot in the bed. The middle.

Bucky goes to your right and puts his head on your shoulder. 

Sam puts his head on your other shoulder too.  

There is a comfortable silence. 

You all look at the ceiling in a sort of trance. 

Your bodies are still vibrating from the pleasure. 

You remember this feeling. You felt like this, when you were together for the first time. 

You smile and start singing: 

Do you remember when we fell in love?

We were young and innocent then

Do you remember how it all began?

It just seemed like heaven, so why did it end?

Sam followed with: 

“Do you remember, back in the fall?

We'd be together all day long

Do you remember us holding hands?

In each other's eyes, we'd stare

Tell me” 

You sign all together: 

Do you remember the time?

When we fell in love

Do you remember the time?

When we first met, girl

Do you remember the time?

(Oh, I)

When we fell in love

Do you remember the time?

Sam continue singing: 

Do you remember how we used to talk?

You know, we'd stay on the phone at night till dawn

Do you remember all the things we said?

Like, "I love you so, I'll never let you go

Bucky sings, horrible out of key; 

Do you remember, back in the spring?

Every morning, birds would sing

Do you remember those special times?

They'll just go on and on

In the back of my mind

You laugh after that. 

“What made you remember “remember the time”?”, Bucky asks you 

“ We were having the party in the  basement, the Ihumann were watching the video and dancing to that, when I went looking out for you’, you answer to him. ‘It is amazing how they catch on moves so damn fast, they dance the same as the video dancers, like outstanding and it is a little bit eerie like Jouuma was like a reincarnation of Michael.” You add on. 

“Okay, space nerd”, Sam teases you. Bucky chuckles at that. 

You glare at them

They face you. Sam faces you with his weight on his elbow so that he can see your profile. Bucky does the same. 

“I am sorry, y/n”, Sam starts.

“You were right, I was losing my sense self, we need to help the most vulnerable,

 We will find another solution for the Kree and the Skrulls and the Ihummann. 

You show me what I should be doing. When you can’t compromise, don't. 

I am sorry for holding you back. I just want to be your protector, just like I was once ,but I know things are different now. It just cost me. You have been through a lot and I wanted to save you from all that and I couldn’t. I will change. I will ask you what you need instead of assuming, I am sorry, baby ”, he states and he chokes a little sob on the last part.

“Aww, Sammy, you and Buck are the people that make me feel safe and loved. It's just that I’m not in college anymore. A lot happened and I’m not the same person but I love you and how you two always are there despite our differences ” you say while sitting up against the headboard.

You let him put his head on your chest. 

“ I am sorry, I sidetrack the mission but it is just that when I see something go south, I can’t ignore it”, I am sorry I kicked you out of my office like that. I will try my best not to lose my temper like that again”, you apologize to them.  

“You are right, y/n, It is a horrible plan, we need to have some alternative and I know it is in those chips. I am sorry for being an ass to you in space and I am sorry for making you feel bad to save the Ihumman, like Sammy said we want to protect you and we feel we have fail at that, when everyone were against you for this relationship, the scandal, the kidnapping, you getting your powers  but you are right you are different but at the same baby we fell in love with and I love you and I promise not to be overbearing”, Bucky apologizes. He puts his head on your chest too.  

“You were right in saving them, I was so far removed, that was me and Steve in the 40s.

If he didn’t disobey orders to save me constantly, I wouldn't be here”, Bucky states 

You kiss his head. 

" Buck, it's so good that you think that way, I am thankful for you and Sammy, you two did what you can, you received a lot of backlash too . You are enough more than enough ",you say to him, rubbing his back.

“You still owe me a fucking car, asshole, you rip my fucking steering wheel”, Sam tease Bucky with faux offence. 

Bucky sighed  “I am sorry, Sammy for damaging your car and rip the steering wheel”, Bucky apologizes

You all laugh. 

“What are we going to do if we do not find anything on those chips”, You worry. 

“Hey baby you are one of the most brilliant minds there is out there , you will figure it out and we will  be right here by your side”, Sam reassures you and Bucky nods in agreement.

“Let that grey matter of yours, rest a minute, honey pie”, Bucky said to you while bopping your nose.

“You are right and I love you so much”, you answer.

“We love you so much, pretty baby, Sam answered you and kissed your cheek”. 

You all went to the bathroom and shower for real this time. They were kisses here and there. 

You brush your teeth.

Sam grabs the cocoa butter and he moisturizes you and Bucky then moisturizes Sam. 

Bucky wraps the night scarf around your head for your hair with a good knot

. Sam changed the covers and put the dirty covers in the dirty clothes basket. 

You change into your PJS. You wore a silk camisole. Bucky some loose shorts, no underwear and no shirt.  Sam wore some sweatpants  and no shirt.

You kissed each other goodnight and slept tangled with each other. 

[loverspersonas]

the most beautiful moment in life | i

pairing: ot7? x reader

genre: hyyh au, high school au, angst, drama, fluff, smut?

length: 3.4k

summary: Eight strangers with different stories happen to meet one day, by fate or some kind of cruel, exquisite happenstance, and realize that they’re not as different as they thought.

↳series masterlist

To say that you hated high school wouldn’t be precisely correct. In fact, at some point, you remembered loving it. Sky Academy was the best place to receive education in the whole country, whether you were interested in academics, sports or the arts. But like most top schools with such reputations, it was difficult to get in. You either had to be incredibly talented, intelligent, or filthy rich. You could safely say that you hadn’t ever stumbled upon someone who was all three.

But of course, nothing good lasted. 

Less than a year ago, you’d lost your friends, your perks, your stellar grades, and your reputation. High school was a vicious social ladder. You could climb higher and higher everyday and before you even knew it, you’re falling. And it was a long way down.

“I’m going to the park after school today with the others. You want to come?”

Sana was a girl you’d met in your English class years ago. She normally kept her hair cut above her chin, right now dyed bubblegum pink. She was something like a firecracker, her mood and decisions constantly changing which she expressed through her hair and clothes. One time in the last year, you’d told her about your mother’s new boyfriend at the time— the fourth one in a period of three months— when she’d suggested for you to try what she did at times of stress or too many emotions; the following day was the first time you’d come to school with chocolate brown hair. You’d never been so close with Sana before, but you were thankful you’d always remained on friendly terms, because now, she was the only friend you had left.

“The others?” you asked, grabbing some books from your locker to stuff in your backpack. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Sana’s friends, it was just that they were so different from the crowd you used to run with. While you were comfortable with the girl, sometimes you couldn’t help but feel out of place amongst all of them. “I don’t know…”

“Come on,” Sana urged. “It’s not like you’re going to start studying right after class, are you? It’s only the first month of school.”

“Yeah, but—“

“But you’re smarter than you think,” she said firmly. “And you don’t need to kiss up to teachers anymore for grades.”

You looked at her with an unsure expression, ultimately sighing. “Fine. I’ll be there.” You closed your locker door. “I have to go right now.”

“Go where? What do you have to do?”

You paused to look back her way. “Kiss up to a teacher.”

Sana groaned. “I was just joking!”

You grinned, continuing in the direction of the main office. At this time in the morning, it was pretty quiet. The receptionist gave you a friendly smile that you tried to return. It wasn’t that you came there often. You stayed away from the principal’s office; there was no need for any more attention on you. You supposed your face had become familiar there from all the times you’d come to see Mrs Oh, the academy’s guidance counsellor.

While you were sitting in the waiting chairs— or rather, sofas since this was, after all, Sky Academy— two people came out from the principal’s office, one being the headmaster himself, and the other, a tall boy with broad shoulders in a crisp, new uniform. The headmaster said a few words to him, a smile then a pat on the shoulder before returning to his office.

The boy stood there for a minute, uncomfortable or uncertain as he vaguely looked around him. He exchanged a polite smile with the receptionist at some point. Finally, you sighed inwardly, deciding that you might as well save him. “Hey,” you called. “New kid, right?”

The boy seemed a little startled, not having noticed you sitting there, although your current platinum blonde hair was a little hard to miss. “Um, yes. I’m Kim Seokjin.”

You stood up from your seat. “Yeah, I didn’t ask. All right, follow me.”

He raised his eyebrows as you waited by the door for him. “Follow you?”

“That is what I said,” you spoke slowly so that he could understand. “I’m your exclusive welcoming tour guide to the academy.”

“I wasn’t aware I was getting a tour guide.”

You waved a hand. “Please save your comments and questions for the end of the tour.”

“All right,” he allowed. If he was annoyed, he didn’t show it. "Can I at least know who my guide is? I don’t know how I feel about following someone I don’t know anything about. For all I know, you could be leading me somewhere quiet and secluded to murder me.”

You bit your lip, looking at him with a nod. “You make a valid point. I’m Y/L/N Y/F/N. Just call me Y/F/N, if you must. Anyway, so you know the front office where we just were.”

“Yes, I spoke with the headmaster and the lady at the front desk.”

You were less interested in actually listening to his answers. Making conversation was just a formality, not something you actually wanted to do. It was funny how much of a social butterfly you used to be. Lately it made you wonder if socializing was something you did only to adapt to your environment, rather than an activity you actually enjoyed. “Okay, so this is the foyer where people like to just hang around mostly. If there’s any event or advertising to be done, that usually happens here too.”

“What about extracurriculars?” Seokjin asked as you stopped by the doors to the gym.

“Let me guess,” you said, turning around to face him. “You’re a basketball guy.”

His voice held dry amusement. “Was it the height?”

You shrugged. “Possibly. Yeah, there’s a bunch of sports. Basketball, football, swimming. There are also a lot of arts programs. We have a theatre too, but I only ever go there when I’m being forced to attend an assembly.”

“You’re not very interested in school, are you?” he deduced.

“If by that you mean, this school, then you’re absolutely right.” You paused. “I’m so over this place. But…” You stopped walking, blocking his way as you faced him. He came to a sudden stop, slightly startled. Folding your arms over your chest, you narrowed your eyes. “I’ll have you know I’m getting extra credit for an assignment right now for agreeing to give this tour. That’s right, your presumptions about me were incorrect.”

He looked down for a moment, ears going slightly pink. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to make… presumptions.”

You could’ve told him that it was okay and that an apology and his embarrassment wasn’t necessary. But you decided not to. “You’ll find that the people here live off of making assumptions about others. Which brings me to the next section of this guide. The kind of people you’re better off avoiding.”

With his long legs, it was easy for him to keep up with your pace while still paying attention. “You sound like you really know this place well.”

“I’ve been here for over three years now. But it wasn’t until last year when I realized what this place actually was.” You paused for dramatic effect. “Hell.”

Walking past the two of you were a bunch of younger girls, not very covertly casting glances at the boy beside you and giggling to themselves. You mentally groaned. If there was one thing you hated, it was the sound of delusional giggles. Sure, you’d admit that maybe Seokjin could fall into the tall, handsome category, but you’d sooner die than become a lovesick teenager. But thankfully, Seokjin didn’t notice. Hopefully, he was oblivious so that something like this wouldn’t get to his head.

Abruptly, you came to a stop. “So, you have the stereotypical popular kids. The football team and the cheerleaders.”

He followed your gaze to see the group of people wearing royal blue and sunny yellow colours, colours of the academy and also of popularity. “I thought pretty much all jocks fell into that stereotype.”

“No, some of the other sports teams are actually nice and bearable,” you informed him, gaze shifting again across from you. There was a pretty girl with long black hair and yellow and blue ribbons in her hair standing beside a handsome boy with brown hair and an all too familiar letterman jacket. You tried to ignore that tug in your chest. “But not football. If you want a smooth, drama-free year, you’ll do best without them in it.”

Seokjin spoke after a while and you wondered if it was because he’d noticed something you’d given away. “Noted.”

Just then, the teenagers began walking. Out of instinct, you turned your head in the other direction, relief filling you as they passed by without noticing you. Seokjin shot you a puzzled look which you dismissed by asking for his schedule. As the new kid, he was going to hear things that he’d have a lot of questions about, but you weren’t obligated to answer any of them. Especially not if they were related to you.

“Here we are, locker 334.” As he started turning the lock, you quickly glanced at his schedule. “You’re taking business?”

“My family does a lot of business,” he answered. “I thought it would be a good choice.”

You couldn’t help but notice the stiffness in his voice. Either he didn’t actually like business, or family was a touchy topic. But despite your curiosity, you wouldn’t pry. 

“Interesting,” you murmured, attention returning to the paper in your hand. “Oh, I’m taking advanced calculus too.”

“Maybe we can sit together,” he suggested.

You raised a brow. “Why do you assume I’ll just sit next to you?”

“Oh, I didn’t—“

“I’m just kidding,” you cut him off, this time a little amused by how quickly his ears turned red. “Your first class is down this hall, to the right. If you get lost, you can ask someone.”

“As long as they’re not wearing a football jersey or a cheerleading outfit.”

You looked at him again, head tilting to the side slightly, maybe just a little pleased. “Good, you’re catching on. You just might survive, Seokjin. Anyway, I have class in five minutes and so do you.”

“Right.” He hesitated, fingers playing with the strap of his backpack. Maybe he wasn’t actually that great with people, or maybe he wasn’t used to getting help from others. “Thank you for doing this.”

Something inside you softened a little, but you shook it away instantly. Being softhearted, you’d learned, didn’t get you anywhere. “There’s no need to thank me. I’m just in it for the credits.”

He looked at you, a grin forming on his lips. “I don’t know if I completely believe that. You didn’t just show me around, you genuinely gave me advice.”

“It was part of the tour package,” you said, shrugging nonchalantly. “And I’d hate to see you get eaten alive on your first day. That usually doesn’t happen until after the first week.”

“Wow, thank god you do these guides then,” he said sarcastically before his expression turned more solemn, uncertain, maybe even a little hopeful. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

You gave him a half smile and a shrug before turning to start down the hallway.

Lunch period was probably one of your least favourite times of the day. It shouldn’t have been since it was an hour break from classes. But it was a time where half of the students at Sky gathered in the cafeteria; the other half would have their lunch at a different time. Basically, it was a time where you had to be forced into the same room as your former friends, who you’d rather never see again. The only thing that could get you through it was having Sana by your side. 

“Have you seen the new kid?” she was saying, maybe to you or maybe to the boy beside her also at your table. His name was Li-on, a mutual friend of yours and Sana’s from her friend group. 

Li-on was busy stuffing meat from his tray into his mouth with his chopsticks but managed an incredulous expression. “Don’t tell me you’re listening to the rumours going around the academy.”

Sana scowled, whacking his shoulder. “I am not. I know how twisted rumours can get at this place.” 

You noticed her look at you from the corner of your eye, but pretended not to. Instead your attention remained on your bowl of soup. “Why, what interesting things have you heard?”

“Well, a few things,” she admitted. “But that’s not important. Don’t you think it’s interesting how he just showed up, after the year has already started?”

“Why, is he not allowed to want to receive an education?” you asked dryly.

She shot you a look. “That’s not what I meant. You guys know how Sky is, how the headmaster is. They’re so stingy when it comes to accepting new students, especially after the year has already begun.”

Li-on finished chewing his food and gave her a thoughtful glance. “That is true...”

Sana nodded, appreciative of the acknowledgment. “What I’m saying is there must be something special about him.”

A short chuckle left you. “Yeah, he’s loaded.”

“Something more than that.”

You didn’t want to think too much about it, but realized that Sana had a point. The academy had criteria for accepting students, and were very strict about new students any time throughout the year. It just didn’t fit their reputation. How did Seokjin end up here?

Breaking your train of thought was a set of eyes you felt on you from across the room. You already had a hunch of who it was and tried your best to ignore it, but found yourself giving in. The boy signalled to the doors with a nod of his head.

You wanted to shake your head. But then you sighed and a minute later got up from your seat, only for a hand to stop you. By her expression, Sana had noticed that small exchange of glances. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Going to the bathroom,” you lied despite knowing there was no use.

Sana pulled your arm as you tried to leave. Li-on must’ve sensed the sudden tension as he looked between the two of you, but he didn’t say anything. “Are you really going to talk to him?”

“What am I supposed to do?” you said. “I can’t just keep avoiding him for the rest of my life.”

“Um, you can, actually. I do it all the time!”

“Sana.”

“Look,” the pink haired girl said seriously now, “the last time you two talked, it didn’t end well.“

“The difference is that I don’t have anything to lose this time where it concerns him.” Something about the truth in that startled you in a similar way it startled Sana.

She released her grip on you. “Fine. But if you’re not back in five minutes, I’m going after you.”

The concern in her voice had you sending her a small smile. Then you were making your way to the hallway outside, the rest of the cafeteria too loud and invested in their own world to notice the two people who walked out at around the same time.

“What do you want?” you said, not giving the chance for an uncomfortable silence or avoiding the subject.

Min-hyuk didn’t appear to be so taken aback by your bluntness. “How have you been, Y/N?” he asked almost quietly.

You wanted to laugh. “That’s what you wanted to talk about. How have I been? You’ve got to be fucking joking—“

“I know it sounds to hard to believe but—“

“Don’t say something stupid like you still care,” you said sharply.

He paused and you took a moment to study him. He looked nearly the same as you remember. Oak brown hair reaching his forehead, framing his angular facial features, something that had people stopping and giving him double takes— it had you doing the same once upon a time. But that was a different time.

“I’m sorry for the way things ended,” he spoke at last, and you wish he hadn’t. “If you won’t believe me for anything else, at least believe that.”

I want to, you thought with a desperation that had you hating yourself for feeling even for a second. You didn’t realize until now how much you would’ve liked to go back in time before things had become this way. But how could do so easily forget everything that had happened in between?

“I did believe you, Min-hyuk,” you said. “I trusted you. And you made me regret even that.”

“Wait—“ His hand shot out to stop you from walking past him. When you glanced down at it, he retracted it immediately. “I just... I don’t want things to be this way. We used to be so close—“

There was pang in your chest at the words. Of course, you remembered being that close. What hurt more was trying to forget it all. “If you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on, maybe you should ask your girlfriend.”

“What’s going on here?”

Perfect, you thought. Of course he has to show up.

Eun-ho was one of Min-hyuk’s closest friend, both part of the academy’s football team. You’d never liked him despite being in the same friend group. His arrogance and ability to make crude, insensitive remarks on things that didn’t concern him were unbearable; you wondered how Min-hyuk could tolerate it sometimes.

Eun-ho’s face broke out into a vexatious smile that you didn’t trust one bit. “Y/N…” If you hated anything more than his mere presence, it was the way he said your name. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

You gave him your own icy, sarcastic smile. “Not long enough, Eun-ho.”

He chuckled. “Wow, did you somehow get even more feisty?”

Min-hyuk made an annoyed sound, throwing off the arm he had around him. “Really, Eun-ho?”

“What? It’s true what they say then, isn’t it? It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. I bet you were actually wild in bed.”

As he laughed at his own joke, Min-hyuk gave him a shove. While you felt anger and annoyance start to simmer under your skin, you weren’t surprised. Eun-ho was probably waiting to get to talk to you like this.

“You’re still as insecure as ever, aren’t you?” you spoke. “Talking shit about everyone because what else do you know? You know, the entire time I used to wonder how everyone managed to put up with your bullshit. I’m relieved I don’t have to anymore.”

His eyes narrowed, jaw clenching now that you were fighting back. Maybe before you put up with everything he used to say and do, internalizing the emotions you felt and the words you wanted to throw at him, but not anymore. You opened your mouth again, ready to keep going, ready to say everything you should’ve said a long time ago, when suddenly there was a hand on your shoulder.

“Come on, Y/N,” Sana said, throwing a brief glare at the two boys. But her focus was mainly on you. “This isn’t worth your time.”

You relaxed at her words, ready to leave when Eun-ho called your name again. “—that’s right, you were always too fucking scared to face the truth, blaming everyone but yourself. Why do you think Min-hyuk left you? Why your own mother doesn’t give a damn about you, why your brother’s not around. They all saw that you for what you were. A crazy little bitch—“

The next thing you knew, everything was red. Heat was crawling over your skin, so much that you felt like smoke would leave your ears at any second. Anger was rising inside you, anger you hadn’t felt in a long time, and you didn’t want to stop it anymore.

Beside you, Sana was saying something, tugging at your sleeve urgently but it was all faint, tuned out and staticky like shifting between radio signals. You pushed her aside as you moved forward.

Min-hyuk was glaring at his friend, but Eun-ho— he had the audacity to be grinning like a child who’d won a prize. It was like a rope snapping,  and suddenly your fist swung at his jaw. The feeling of your knuckles connecting with bone was something you knew was going to leave your hand with a dull ache, but it was satisfying as hell.

“Miss Y/L/N.”

You turned around to see the headmaster standing before you, not looking impressed.

Well, shit.

chapter ii 

[star-spangled-steve]

His New Partner

Chapter 25: The Wedding Day

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 1470

Warnings: Fluff, marriage.

Audio: “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers

A/N: So, this chapter doesn’t exactly have a huge conflict or main idea, I just wanted to give you guys a little glimpse of their big day. Also, Y/M/N means Your Mom’s Name and Y/D/N means Your Dad’s Name. Enjoy this short part!

Y/N sighed as she stared in the full-length mirror, running her hands down the satiny smooth skirt of her wedding gown. She let her fingertips wander to the bodice and proceeded to stoke up and down its length; almost as if she was testing if it was real or not.

The girl could hardly believe that she was finally getting married to the Captain America, the love of her life. After over a year of planning, organizing, arguments, and Steve forcing her to take sleeping pills in order to relax, the big day had finally arrived.

Dozens, possibly hundreds of news reporters and paparazzi were crowded outside, waiting for hours to even get one shot of the happy couple. After all, it was the wedding of one of the world’s favourite Avengers and one of the most popular actresses in the industry; the event would make for some great headlines. Steve and Y/N were basically American royalty, and everybody knew it.

Just take deep breaths, the bride told herself as suspense for the ceremony continued to grow. Her five bridesmaids, including her trusty Maid of Honour, were completely finished getting ready. They were now just helping Y/N finish up, tweaking her hair and smoothing out her dress.

“Five minutes.” Maria stated after checking the clock, walking up to the mirror in which the bride was facing. “You excited?” She questioned with a grin, placing her hands on Y/N’s bare shoulders.

The girl in white puffed out a breath, staring at her and Maria’s reflections. “Ya, ya.” She gulped. “A bit nervous too, if I’m being honest.”

“Relax, N/N.” Y/C/N spoke from across the room, reapplying her face powder.

Natasha nodded while adjusting the straps of her soft gold dress. “It’s ‘gonna be easy.”

Y/N hummed before turning around to face her friends, as well as her mother, who was currently having a chat with Pepper on one of the little plush benches. “D-Do I look okay?” She asked somewhat shyly. Even though Y/N had millions of fans across the globe constantly raving about how pretty she was, it didn’t mean that she couldn’t be self-conscious every now and then.

“Are you kidding?” Y/F/N chimed in. “You look so stunning!”

Y/M/N stood up and walked closer to the group. Pepper followed as well, all of the women now standing in a small circle around the puffy wedding dress. “So beautiful, Y/N.” The older woman smiled, feeling incredibly proud of her daughter.

“Let me just tell you,” Pepper fondly shook her head, “you’re going to knock Steve’s socks off.”

The actress laughed in delight.

“She’s serious, sweetie.” Natasha, the Maid of Honour, added. “That man worships you when you wear sweatpants. I can’t wait to see what his reaction will be to this getup.” She smirked, gesturing to the beautiful white gown that looked just exquisite on the girl.

Y/N spun around on the spot, giving everybody in the room a 360-degree view. Her dress was stark white and in the style of a ball gown; tight to her torso and extremely wide around the bottom. It was off-the-shoulder, a very tiny v-cut in the middle of her chest, and the outside layer was made of pure satin. Tons and tons of tulle was underneath, completely hiding Y/N’s tall white stilettos. She felt straight out of a fairytale.

“He’s a very lucky man.” Y/M/N commented before pulling her daughter into a gentle hug, still being mindful of the fancy attire.

Y/N smiled, rubbing a hand up and down her mother’s back. “Thank you, mom.”

Their precious moment was interrupted by a sudden knock on the dressing room door. “N/N?” A voice spoke from behind it, a voice that they instantly recognized to be the bride’s father. The women all looked towards each other, holding a breath as they waited to hear what he had to say. “It’s time.”

*****

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The ultimate, determinant words were spoken, and the couple gave each other bright smiles. Steve squeezed Y/N’s hands affectionately as small tears streamed down their faces. “You may kiss the bride!”

The guests erupted with applause as the pair leaned in, lips touching in a soft kiss. Steve placed his arms around Y/N’s torso and actually dipped her back for with excitement, just making the cheers and hollers from the audience become much louder.

The girl laughed as they stood up straight again, still in each other’s hold. Even though the room was filled with over a hundred different people, Y/N and Steve still felt like the only ones present. They were completely lost in each other’s eyes, each other’s arms.

The moment was pure bliss.

*****

“Let us welcome for the very first time as husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Steven and Y/N Rogers!”

Once again, the entire group of company began to clap and cheer in support. They watched as the newlyweds came through the large doors and headed farther into the fancy reception hall, huge smiles on their faces. They saw how the man twirled his wife around while they walked, his eyes never straying from her beautiful form. It was completely apparent to everyone how completely in love with each other they were. People could tell that what they had would last forever.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom will now have their first dance. If you would please all gather round the dance floor and show your support for the happy couple.”

The room went silent in anticipation, until the live band began to play first couple beats of ‘Unchained Melody’ by The Righteous Brothers. All of Steve and Y/N’s friends were aware of how it was ‘their song’, or something like that. Ever since three years earlier when she had sung it for him in the living room of her old apartment, the man had been completely in love with its tune, its tempo, and its sensuality. He just adored holding Y/N while it played.

“Oh, my love, my darling

I've hungered for your touch

A long, lonely time”

Steve brought the girl closer, right hand on her waist and left hand clasping her own right one. He began to sway them back and forth to the beat of the song, eyes never leaving her’s.

“Time goes by so slowly

And time can do so much

Are you still mine?”

One moment Y/N was held tightly to Steve’s body, and the next he was spinning her outwards, making her giggle in response. He quickly brought her back to his chest, hands grasping her torso even tighter than before.

“I need your love

I need your love

God speed your love to me”

The actress laid her head on her husband’s chest, feeling the beat of his super soldier heart underneath her right cheek. It was racing fast, and she had no doubt that it mirrored her own.

“Lonely rivers flow

To the sea, to the sea

To the open arms of the sea

Lonely rivers sigh

‘Wait for me, wait for me’

I'll be coming home, wait for me”

Steve rested his chin on the top of Y/N’s head and smiled to himself. “You look so beautiful, babydoll.” He spoke quietly. “Did I tell you that already?”

His wife grinned into his tuxedo jacket. “Multiple times, Stevie.”

The Captain lightly shrugged as he led her around the dance floor. “Well, it’s true. You look like a pretty princess.”

“Oh, my love, my darling

I've hungered, for your touch

A long, lonely time

Time goes by so slowly

And time can do so much

Are you still mine?”

Y/N lifted her head to get a look at her man’s face, and he lowered it, making their foreheads touch. They could feel one another’s hot breath over their skin, and the air was electrified with passion. They had extremely intense looks on their faces; almost as if they were about to explore the great unknown that was each other. If it wasn’t for the classy wedding attire, you might even suspect that they were about to go in for their first kiss.

“I need your love”

Steve’s crystal blue eyes lowered to Y/N’s rosy pink lips, wanting yet another taste. No matter how many times they had touched mouths, neither of them had ever gotten enough of the sensation.

“I need your love”

The girl’s tongue traced the bottom of her teeth, knowing exactly what Steve had wanted.

“God speed your love to me.”

She did what any reasonable wife would do and leaned up, sealing their lips together in a chaste kiss. This just made their friends and family whistle, especially when her husband’s hands rose to either side of her head, locking her in place. But it’s not like he really needed to; Y/N was never going anywhere.

Next Chapter

Feedback is always welcome!❤️

[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 33: Dinners at Expensive Restaurants Are a Girl’s Best Friend

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Rowena takes you out on a date.

Editor: @miss-moon-guardian

*****

Valentine's Day had officially moved to the top of your list of your favorite holidays, and all it took was one phone call from Rowena — flustered, excited, flirty as she always was — asking you out to a high end restaurant.

The perks of dating a girl with exquisite taste.

As always, she went all the way; if the prospect of fine dining wasn't enough to impress you, she made sure her attire did the job.

It worked.

Good god, it worked.

She wore a black dress that clung to her body as if it were molded on her, the fabric hugging her every curve. Its sleeves and shoulders were lace, soft against her skin, patterned like intricate, exotic tattoos. On her feet was a pair of heels, the same black as the dress.

She looked like a gothic princess. Ethereal. Beautiful. Taking your breath away one heartbeat at a time.

Standing next to her, hand in hers, fingers twined, you felt underdressed.

You did your best, but you were no Rowena MacLeod.

The girl was glamor personified.

Even as you entered the restaurant, everything still felt like a dream. You wanted to pinch yourself to make sure it was real, that you weren't still in bed, sprawled on your back, eyes glued to the ceiling, lost in a fantasy.

Rowena's hand squeezing yours was real enough to make you discard those concerns.

She slipped her coat off and hung it on the hanger by the entrance. You followed in her lead, uncertain, but quickly reassured by the warmth wrapping around your shoulders like a blanket. The server led you to the table and, with a polite nod, left to let you decide on your orders.

One glance at the menu made you feel lightheaded. Holy shit! You pressed your mouth shut, trapping the words in your throat.

"Something the matter, dear?" Rowena asked, attentive as she was. Nothing ever slipped by her.

You blushed. "Nothing."

She saw right through you. "Don't worry about the price. Order whatever you like."

"Okay."

It wasn't okay.

It was weird — the good kind, but still weird. It wasn't every day that you had dinner in a restaurant of this caliber.

It wasn't any day, really.

"Tonight is your night," Rowena assured you, mouth wide in a big, bright smile that elicited one of your own.

Her smiles were the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. Magic, if you'd known any.

"Our night," you corrected, reaching across the table to grab her hand. Her skin was soft, warm under yours. A instant calm to your raging nerves.

Her cheeks flushed red as her hair. Beautiful. Adorable.

What you'd done to win over such an amazing girl, you didn't know, but you were happy.

You'd never been happier.

To think there was a time you couldn't stand the mere sight of her…

God, you were an idiot!

Past you was missing out.

Present you, on the other hand, more than made up for it.

If there was a way to spend every waking moment with her, you would jump at the chance.

Maybe there would be in the future. You pondered on the idea, mused on it. There was potential for this relationship to blossom into something bigger, something you still, after over a month, didn't dare put a name on. If things kept on as they were; if the two of you remained close, in love, head over heels for each other…

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Ordering your food and drinks took your mind off the thought. As soon as the waiter was gone, you turned to Rowena and asked, "How have you been doing?"

Not exactly romantic dinner conversation, but you had to ask. She'd taken a few days off from school until the dust of everything that had happened settled. You kept in regular contact and often came over to visit, but you still missed having her there as you walked the halls. Missed her hand in yours, her laughter that made you feel tingly in all the wrong places, her sarcastic banter with Crowley.

"Good," she replied. "I'm thinking of going back to school on Monday."

A traitorous grin spread over your face. "Missed you."

"Why do you think I'm coming back?" she teased.

Your heart trembled, skipped a beat.

She sure knew how to make a girl feel special.

"They announced the senior trip today," you told her.

"Where to?"

"Branson, Missouri."

The place didn't register. "Why there?"

"They've got some amusement park, I guess." You'd never heard of it, either, but it was a good place, from what the teachers and some of the kids who'd been there said.

Rowena wasn't impressed. "That's it?"

The feeling was mutual. "I guess. You going?"

"We'll see."

"Amusement parks can be romantic," you said, hoping to convince her. You weren't in the mood for traveling, but this was the senior year of high school. Drinks and fun and, you assumed, minimal supervision.

"There is nothing more romantic than screaming brats and filth," Rowena said sarcastically.

"You're just being mean," you accused, eliciting a small smile. "Come on. It'll be fun."

"Like I said, we'll see."

"Maybe you can get me drunk again and take advantage."

"I thought it was you who took advantage of me."

You laughed. Not your proudest moment, that was. "Maybe you can return the favor."

She winked, ever a tease. "Maybe."

You ate your food in silence, every now and then exchanging glances and smiles. You knew now why they called places like this high dining — the food was divine, as if prepared in heaven itself. You ate slowly, savoring every bite, every little chunk.

You could choke and die right now, and it would be a happy, happy death.

"This was so good," you said as you swallowed the last piece of your meal.

"Exquisite, isn't it?" Rowena said, taking a sip of water. The corners of mouth curled into a smile. "Nothing but the best for my girl."

Her girl.

Hers.

It still felt like a dream, an elaborate fantasy you'd concocted as you laid in bed, wishing it were real. Praying for it to every deity you could think of.

"Something the matter?" Rowena asked, taking notice of the shift in your expression.

"Nothing," you said a tad too quickly to be believable. She raised an eyebrow, and you sighed. "I like it when you say I'm your girl."

She let out a giggle that melted you insides into a squishy puddle, adorable to the bone. "You are precious."

Your cheeks were on fire, boiling to the touch. "Shut up!"

If anyone was precious, it was her.

"Make me," she said with a smirk.

You responded by kicking her foot.

She scowled. "Lass!"

"What? You said to make you."

She rolled her eyes in that signature dramatic way of hers worthy of a theater actress.

You grinned. "God, I love you!"

Rowena's expression softened. She reached for your hand, twining your fingers into a gentle knot. Her touch was magic, a comfort you always craved. Safety and promise and love and passion. Everything you ever wanted and so much more. You never tired of it; of feeling her soft skin on yours; of her warmth spilling into you and filling you up, making your heart swell up with it; of her, all of her, so close, yours in ways you never thought she'd be.

"And I love you." There was so much conviction in the words, raw honesty. Her heart was open, yours, only yours, her priceless gift. "With everything I have. I'll forever be grateful to have you in my life."

Jesus.

Tears pricked at your eyes; one traitorous one spilled free, quick to be wiped away.

You wouldn't cry. Not here, not now. It wasn't the right time.

You were supposed to giggle and laugh at dumb jokes, not weep like a baby.

This was a happy occasion.

There was no place for tears.

"Thank you for always being here," Rowena continued. "Even when I don't deserve it."

"What are you talking about? You deserve the world," you said, squeezing her hand in emphasis.

She smiled, sad, dejected. "Flatterer."

"Guilty," you admitted, "but it's true. You're the best."

The best friend you'd ever had.

The best girlfriend you could have wanted.

The girl plenty of boys wanted and girls hated, and she was yours.

"Well," she said, batting her eyelashes, "that's true."

A laugh escaped you, small, happy. A peculiar creature, she was. One of a kind. Unique to the core.

And, best of all, yours.

All yours.

As you nibbled on your dessert, you snuck a few glances her way. She chewed on her cake slowly, turned every piece in her mouth, tongue, pretty, pink, delectable, darting out to wipe her lips clean every time she caught your eye.

The little tease.

You pretended not to notice, hoping to high heavens your face didn't give away the disarray of your insides, the storm of nerves and tingles that raged inside you, roiling and coiling under your skin, lighting you up like a thousand fires.

The girl had way too much control over you.

And, worst of all, you let her.

You welcomed it.

Rowena smirked as she swallowed the last piece of her cake. She licked her lips, then bit her lower one, eyes locked with yours. Taunting you. Daring you to look away, to resist her.

So damn sure of her victory for she was aware of what she was doing to you, and she relished in it.

Feeling helpless, you kicked her foot again.

"Ow!" she yelped. "What was that for?"

"Teasing," you said, barely holding your voice together.

She pouted, and it was the most adorable thing you'd ever seen.

Damn you, girl! "Don't do that," you hissed.

"Do what?" she said innocently.

"You know what."

"I'm afraid I don't."

Sure she didn't.

And sky was green and grass was blue.

"You have an unfair advantage."

She blinked, the picture of a pure, chaste little girl. "Whatever do you mean?"

You shook your head with a sigh, prompting her to smirk. Smug, victorious, a queen.

There was a time this side of her would have annoyed you. When you would have thought her pretentious, stuck up.

You knew her better now.

You loved her exactly as she was, every flaw and quirk. Every little imperfection that made her perfect in your eyes.

She was no angel, but, damn, if she wasn't a lovable little devil.

A short while later, the two of you parted with a kiss. You gave yourself over to it, to her. Let her roam your mouth; let her mark it and make it hers. She tasted as she felt; magic and honey, protection and safety. Home. A warm, comforting summer amidst the bone-chilling winter.

The taste of her lingered on your mouth for the remainder of the night. Your lips were numb where hers touched them. As you closed your eyes to sleep, Rowena's image popped up in your mind, bright, vivid, as if she were right beside you. You curled into a ball and imagined her arms holding you, keeping you safe, chasing away the cold that settled in your room like airborne poison.

She wished you goodnight in that sweet, soft voice she reserved only for you, and then she kissed you.

And, even as your consciousness slipped away and the daydream melted into a real dream, she kept kissing you.

All through the night.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @shadowgirl-vsb @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @a-queen-and-her-throne @carryon-doctor-lock

[oldanddilis]

Expletives, suppression of passion

I am convinced expletives have been given a bad name by people who dislike passionate displays of love, truth and emotion. Whoever linked them up with sexual innuendos must have been jealous, cowardly, frustrated, narcissists. In English a bar can mean many things, a rod, a drinking area, to prohibit something, a standard of measure. Expletive comes from the word explicit, words which make things explicit, they are a natural part of any language. The word @€ing for example can mean really/exceptionally etc it has nothing to do with a sexual act, when used as an adjective or adverb it emphasises the quality. "That was a great party" becomes an exceptionally good party when one says "€&@# that was a great party" or "that was a €&@#ing great party" there is no malice or vulgarity these are terms which express a level of passion. We all sense the passion, there's no malice so why have these natural powerful words which express passion been outlawed? My reckoning is that these innocent words initially began being demonised in courtrooms, when a Judge who was maybe a paedophile or a scob was faced with someone passionately innocent using such words the Judges were so frustrated that when they could find no crime committed but wanted to persecute that person they made it a crime to display passion by using expletives. Similarly in education when socially frustrated people in power were challenged by passionate displays of excitement and wonder it is likely that in their jealousy they sought to put that person down by saying they were vulgar using language as their reasoning. In fact it can be a very intelligent use of language to use expletives it often expresses in an instant what a thousand carefully crafted words can't, raw passion. They also can be and are used to great effect by people with limited access to education. For example while there exists a certain snobbery that whoever knows the most words (or understands mathematics) must be more intelligent than the average, this usually reflects the level of access to education rather than intelligence, a highly intelligent but perhaps less educated person might express qualities better with a much more limited range of words. For example someone well educated with a high volume of words in their vocabulary bank might say that pie was exquisitely, delicious and satisfying to the appetite another person not educated might say wow that pie was €&@#ing lovely, we instantly (well I do) sense the raw passion and I for one am going to try the €&@#ing lovely pie rather than the exquisitely delicious one that is satisfying to the appetite... why? The €&@#ing lovely pie obviously has something of a bit more kick in it. Expletives can be overused like many words, for example "right" "" you know" "like" "buddy" "ya hear" these can become a slight annoyance when someone uses them in almost every sentence but they don't get demonized and we usually don't notice them until they are pointed out (perhaps by someone trying to exert social control over (bully) the said person). My guess is they were originally despised by the colonial aristocracy of all nations who were probably so bound by rules of etiquette it drove them nuts seeing people with less material power so happy and able to express themselves, historically the ruling classes controlled the education and in order to gain access to education people had to conform to the rules and show less passion. It seems that this snobbery and discrimination still persists to an extent in academia. While everyone likes to think they are "cool and hip" there still is that unstated disdain. The word b@€&@# similarly does NOT mean a child born outside an institutional marriage. It means a despicable, selfish, evil person. We all know this so why is the meaning still associated with children who it cannot truly describe (because they are still limited by their circumstance much more than most adults) when it is in fact a term describing certain adults who are old enough to know better? My guess is this was used by certain people in power in religions to intimidate and bully people who fell in love and had children but didn't attend church or pay money to their coffers. What a despicable way to bully loving families by picking on their children. These religious people were/are the real b€&@#&s. As for the word cant, it is a fantastic word and nothing to do with a beautiful part of the female anatomy. My guess is it comes from the word can't, to describe those people who will say "no" to just about everything, no you can't do that or this, no that can't be done, I reckon they became known as a can't or cants but the accent changed over time to become a c@nt. We all know this yet some people, who probably are c@nts, say it is a bad word "you can't say that word it's a bad word!" "Yes I can, it's not a bad word, you just don't like it because you are a c@nt." No it is a fantastic funny word because it is so passionate and clear with such efficiency, the offence only happens in the c@nt's mind perhaps they are just a socially conditioned person a can't, now known as a c@nt. Things have come a long way but there is still more distance to go to get rid of the snobbery and discrimination, I reckon if we got rid of this politically correct oppression of genuine emotion and stopped the snobbery it would be another step towards equality across all divisions. I find women traditionally use less expletives reflective of the greater oppression of true emotion. We all know when someone is being nasty using these words offensively but there is no need to demonise the words. The words are not offensive they can't be they are just harmless sounds. It is in the mind of the critic where there is an offence committed or in the speaker if their intent is nasty. To express honest emotion is in reality something that should be encouraged rather than suppressed. Everyone knows it is in the mind of the critic where the offense is, if someone playfully says "€&@# you!" There is a certain innate intelligence that understands it is fun, similarly when it is used in a nasty way we similarly recognise the intent. That calls for a certain level of intelligence and awareness. Expletives whatever way you look at them are intelligent linguistic tools. One thing I don't like is them being used aggressively on children because it displays a level of intimidation which children don't deserve, aren't always eauipped to deal either and can be quite debilitating subconsciously. I know myself in order to survive violent teachers, predatory bullying religious clergy, unjust courtrooms etc I had to learn to silence my voice, curb my freedom, my happiness and obey the rules, restrict my passion or get even more beatings and persecution. The restriction of these words is actually against international law. The Universal declaration of human rights states everyone has the right to use their natural languages without discrimination yet we all know the reality, they are used as an excuse to discriminate, for example law enforcers very often persecute people for using them (while using them themselves.) To end on a historical fun note while studying religions I learned that the feet are symbols used as expressions of extreme distaste or offense in the middle east. In the Christian Gospels it is written that Jesus told his disciples to shake the dust off their feet when leaving a place where they are not made welcome to show how unwelcome these people will be in the kingdom of heaven, the modern equivalent is to give the middle finger as many people do when they are left out on the street, refused entry to a party or otherwise discriminated against.

This divide and conquer tactic has also been used to divide generations and disempower/discriminate against parents who freely use expletives and raise their children to express themselves similarly. I of course had to curb my passion in this post in case some can't complained to tumblr and used it as an excuse to hold back science. If anyone does a note to tumblr folks, because I solved the double slit experiment and unlocked the Theory of Everything my account here is likely to get you more new account sign ups in a week than you have maybe had in years and there's nothing in the post that we don't see in kids comics.

[prosenkhans]

Kobe

And they were going to a youth basketball tournament. 

Just think about that for a second. When we distill what actually happened yesterday to its essence, it was a group of parents and coaches bringing their young girls to an organized youth basketball game on a nondescript Sunday morning in January. There is nothing more vanilla than that. Then it ended. Just so suddenly.

I can online imagine the fear those 3 girls had in that chopper in its final moments, the bargaining that went on within the minds of those parents as that hillside emerged from the morning fog. I am not lucky, blessed, or even really deserving enough to know the joy of parenthood. However, even the least empathetic of individuals would be hard pressed to deny that Kobe was utterly in love with his family, and Gianna to her father. All the videos, the images, and interactions caught for celluloid and digital posterity, all of them showed a family deeply appreciative of one another. Beyond all things, that seems to drive this feeling of devastation further up my throat.

The level of tragedy is defined by the amount of potential lost within such an event. 

That fact that Gianna and her friends were 12 and 13 is more than enough to gut most people with a soul, however, the potential lost goes beyond even that. He seemed happy. Genuinely. Kobe seemed happy in what was in store for the rest of his life, his “second act”. The stone cold competitor with the icy scowl and bared teeth had transitioned into a statesman, an ever present and positive force within the game of basketball. Where once there were thorns, we now saw the pedals of the rose. Hugs and high fives. Congratulations and teachings. Puppets and children’s book. What we saw was a man secure in his legacy, and very much looking forward to the next chapter of his story.

But that story ended before the sequel could truly begin. As a group of people very much looking to see how the story would continue, we are left to wonder about what those potential chapters would have said. How would he have spoken during his Hall of Fame speech? Would he talk shit, or be humble? What number would be on his chest when his statue would be unveiled? Would he demand 2 to Shaq’s 1? Would we be lucky enough to be in the building when he and Gianna would sit courtside at a game? Would he still allow us to show him appreciation and stand an acknowledge the cheers? Would he be embarrassed by the continued adulation? Would we see him at UConn games, or maybe in an Oregon sweater? Would he be a leading voice in promotion of female athletics and the WNBA? Would he still allow us a peek in his mind, dissecting basketball games for public consumption? Would he write the stories that he wanted to tell? Would he make more art? Would he go on Kimmel and talk smack about the current stars of the game? Would he still smile and wave and take a selfie with us if we were oh so lucky to meet him? Would he continue to push us to be better? These are all questions in which we will never get an answer. 

The hero’s journey is not supposed to end like this. The hero fights the good fight, gives all he/she can give, and then ride off into the sunset. 

And I use the word here appropriately in this case. No, not a hero in the sense of how your parents and role models should hopefully provide the “hero” role in one’s life. No. Kobe Bryant was a hero in the sense that Superman is a hero to anyone that paid attention to his exploits. To my generation, a group of kids and adolescents that grew up watching him, Kobe is as much of a hero to us as Batman, Wolverine, and anyone else that wore a color coordinated uniform. He was an individual blessed with glorious purpose, a res on detra. And what made it better was that he was real. Real in the sense that we could actual see him be super, see him share his gifts, in real life, gallantry made flesh. What makes a superhero super anyway? Simple. Belief. We believe that when they dawn that cape, put on that cowl, they will be there to ensure everything is all-right. That everything gets the ending that we the masses so badly want. That they will come through when we need them the most. When Kobe put on that purple and gold tunic, he became our superhero. He gave us that belief, that sense of the universe being set right because he was our guy, and he would make it so. With him gone, it just doesn’t feel the same. 

I’ve been asked through the years on why Kobe holds such esteem in certain pockets of our culture. Every time someone asks me that question, I always think back to the quote from Norman Vincent Peale.

“Aim for the Moon, and you’ll still land among the stars.”

Within the fast majority of the collective consciousness of sports fan, there is one name that is always associated with Kobe Bryant. And that is Michael Jordan. Now I was lucky enough to have watched Jordan as a very young kid, fully appreciating the skill and special athlete I was observing. There is no denying of that. However, Kobe was different. Coming in during Jordan’s waning years, Jordan and Kobe never clashed at their individual apexes. A spry and almost cocky kid, you were drawn to him. He was just a few years older than I, and thus making him a huge part of those who would call themselves a millennial. While Jordan was seen as God upon high, the antecedent ruler of the NBA, Kobe quickly became the scrappy upstart. As the years went by, we were able to follow him on his hero’s journey, watching and developing into what he eventually became. A transcendent figure in basketball. And his game was so beautiful. The efficiency in his ability to score. The complete mastery of all phases of the game. His footwork was exquisite, it was art. His ability to hit the most impossible shots, and give you the faith he would make it. You had the sense watching him that no other human had ever played basketball as beautifully, skillfully,and as passionately as Kobe Bryant. You have to remember, Kobe played for 20 years. For most of my generation, that is more than half our lifetimes. We literally couldn’t imagine basketball without him in it. But why was his story so compelling? Simply put, Kobe was really the only one daring enough to challenge Jordan at his own game, the apprentice succeeding the master. He shot for the Moon, and had no qualms letting you know that’s what the hell he was doing. And I’ll say this. He touched down on those sands, stomped his feet, and pounded his chest, as to say “It’s mine now.”

The whole comparison debate and legacy really doesn’t hold much water. The game changes. Everything about the sport changes. The names change with each passing generation. However, Jordan and Kobe represent something quite different. While the pioneers and legends helped move the rocketship of basketball through the void of space, we can honestly say that Jordan was the first man to touch down on the Moon. He is the Neil Armstrong of basketball in a sense. All credit given. However, if he’s Neil, Kobe is Buzz Aldren. They are on that same rocket ship together. Jordan may have touched the sands of immortality first, but just like Aldren, Kobe followed him down that ladder and followed those footsteps to the same place. His legacy, his imprint, is right up there with the first. It is the sequence of history, with one’s value not diminishing the others’.  And just like Aldren’s actual footprints on the moon, Kobe’s legacy will be set eternally, looking down upon us from high.

But what will that legacy be? There is this silly debated, a national question of “who is the greatest Laker, Magic or Kobe?”. I always found the question silly. In short, the wrong adjective is being used. Magic, who is naturally gregarious, warm, and a welcoming personality became a leader and 5 time champion in his legendary career. Apparently you can’t be in Magic’s presence without wanting to hug him. He is the most beloved Laker. Beloved. Kobe, simply put, is the most revered. Revered. Kobe once said, “I always want to outwork my potential.” That was Kobe as a Laker. Sometimes cold, often surly, he was a driven kid that became a man obsessed with being the best. And it drove some people, competitors, and even teammates away at times. However, as a person who was privileged enough to watch his entire career, he did the one thing we can only ask for as fans. He lived up to his potential. As the world of athletics change into self branding, load management, and disconnected passion for the process of improving as a professional, Kobe stands as the shining example of someone who literally gave all he could to his craft. By blood, by sweat, and by tears.He dared to be great, unapologetically striving for perfection. He knew he was the best, and made sure that all his competitors and people watching were aware of that fact. He accepted the responsibility of the dawning the mantle, of being the standard bearer, the face of a sport. He certainly failed at times, but he never wavered in his journey. Often the most talented player in the room, his work ethic and drive was that of a player with a fraction of his gifts. And we loved him for that. You never felt cheated when you saw Kobe Bryant play. He squeezed every ounce of the potential within himself and left if on the hardwood floor for all of us to behold. He gave us championships, memories for the rest of our lives. He gave us that. He gave us himself, and we were so happy to see him walk off that court, thank him, and let him enjoy his next chapter. And now he wont.   

I can go on and on about this. I still don’t have the ability to eloquently describe all the thoughts and feelings about all this. I’ll just lastly state that we are lessened by the loss. Not just as Laker fans, or basketball enthusiasts. We are lessened as a generation when our hero’s depart with words left unwritten. We are lessened by all potential lost. But we go on. Jerry West, with tears in his eyes, said it best about his surrogate son.

“A singular word, Kobe, will resonate forever.” 

In a city that is defined by the brightness of its stars, the most brilliant of them all has dimmed from view, and future seems so much more caliginous than it did just a day before.

[comicteaparty]

May 27th-June 2nd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from May 27th, 2019 to June 2nd, 2019.  The chat focused on SUPERPOSE by Joe (or Seosamh) and Anka.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on SUPERPOSE by Joe (or Seosamh) and Anka~! (https://superposecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 2nd to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. When it comes to the themes of feeling lost and finding your place in life, which character do you connect with the most? What moment of their internal struggle regarding this topic really captured your imagination and why?

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Only a couple scenes in at this point, but wow, I can't let the coloring technique go uncommented on. It's gorgeous. Changes for every environment and every time of day, presenting them with rich palettes and exquisite lighting.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think Kas will eventually adjust to life in Port City and get out more? If so, how might that change them? Overall, how do you think the nature of Port City will shape the characters as the story continues?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. How do you think Royal’s father will react to Royal’s plans with the company? How will this personally affect Royal? Further, will Royal’s father be as cool about who Rafael is related to? Also, how will Rafael’s relationship with his father affect the story?

RebelVampire

1) that scene where Royal is in the arcade teaching the kids the glitch in the game. this was the first time where i felt like we really got to see royal's soul. previously he just felt like kind of a smart air-head, but this scene made me see him in an entirely new light. there deep thoughts and grave ambition hidden under there, and the way he explained the glitch really just made me want to play glitchy games and marvel at them. plus, for comedic reasons i like the juxtaposition of the kids basically just not giving any damns about what royal is talking about. they just wanna win their game https://superpose.superposecomic.com/post/161303418270 2) its a tough choice between royal and rafael, but im gonna go with rafael. i think my favorite scenes with him in regards to being lost are when we see him in the ocean. to me those scenes are physical manifestations of what hes feeling internally, which is like a small speck alone in a vast ocean trying not to drown in everything. and honestly, what a great way to put feeling lost, because sometimes that is exactly what it feels like. plus, for me personally, i can connect with rafael's seeming lack of ambition a bit more than i connect with royal. since it's not like rafael doesn't have skills, rafael just doesnt seem to know what to do with those skills.

RebelVampire

3) Royal. I love how hyper excited Royal is about everything and just the sheer amount of ambition he has. Like, I can't not admire someone who is so sure of their own damn idea that they pursue it like their life is on the line. That being said, I also like that Royal can be a bit of a doofus and also that he still has internal struggles of his own. Like trying to find a place in the world with his dad being pretty stern and detached emotionally. 4) I do think Kas is gonna get out in Port City more, mostly probably cause Royal and Rafael will drag them around whether Kas likes it or not. Which I'm sure there will be an adjustment period, but I think eventually Kas will kind of get used to everything if only out of necessity. Plus, I think Rafael will show Kas the good spots where Kas doesn't have to be bothered by jerks. I do worry though that in the long run, the city is kind of going to continue to amplify all their internal struggles and will continue to bring those to the forefront of the story. Port City strikes me as sort of a backwater city. Like the sort of city that isn't cool enough to intense tourism but is large enough that it devours everyone into the crowd. And that's the exact sort of environment that can breed feeling lost. Plus, a lot of the random people we've seen have been kind of shitty, like drug dealers.

5) I've gotta give it to the beam https://superpose.superposecomic.com/post/183664963457 the lighting on this page takes my breath away, and the pacing leading up to the illustration is really perfect too. Especially, though, I like the little intense beam of blue at the top. Not only does it visually show off the intensity of the power, but it add that nice level of contrast that draws your eye to it. plus, great composition for this page in my opinion and a well-chosen angle. 6) Royal's father is gonna be super, duper pissed unless it makes him a lot of money. I assume he will find out before it reaches that point and immediately pull Royal out and fire everyone. Cause I do not believe Royal's father has enough faith in Royal. Which this would obviously damage their relationship, and I think Royal will have to confront the feelings of insecurity he has because of his dad and how his dad has a lot of faults. Thankfully for Rafael, I don't think the dad will care about his dad. At most, I think there will be snide remarks. As for Rafael and his dad, I think their relationship is gonna drive a wedge at some point in Rafael's plans and kind of make him have to take a step back from the project maybe. I think Rafael is taking on a lot of guilt for what his dad has done, and I think he'll need to work through that before he can truly be happy.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What do you feel the comic has to say about family relationships and how they help define who we are? What moment in the comic stuck out to you where this theme was at the forefront?

varethane

Royal and Rafael's interactions are always engaging, though I find them also very tense most of the time haha-- they're both very intense people

RebelVampire

as much as i like Royal, I would probably be more like Kas when interacting with him. where im just kind of internally like "royal slow your roll dude"

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Given how different Rafael, Royal, and Kas are, what obstacles do you foresee in the three getting along? How will their personal lives affect their professional lives in this regard? Alternatively, what ways have their relationships improved that you liked?

RebelVampire

7) Probably Royal and Kas. They have such opposite personalities that I'm always interested to see how they make their relationship work, both professionally and personally. There's also just something deeply relateable I find in their struggles to communicate while both being immensely self aware that they are ill-matched in regards to their socialization styles. 8) I think the comic shows both the good and bad ways our parents morph who we are. Like Rafael is a great dude, but he clearly has some deep-seated issues that I think are largely tied into the crimes of his father and feeling like he cants escape them. But I think that is something else this comic is saying as well. That regardless of what our relationships with our families is, sometimes we need to escape and forge our own path in spite of them. For me the largest moment where this stuck out was when Royal was in the meeting in the beginning and voicing his opinion. Cause Royal seemed to understand he was in the shadow of his father, yet at the same time was desperate to break free

RebelVampire

9) I'm gonna second @ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP) and say the lighting for this question. there is just so much damn atmosphere is every scene. especially when its dark. i find a lot of comic's get really scared of making scenes too dark and worry if its not bright enough people wont see. but i feel this comic just boldly says nope and does it anyway, creating some really beautiful night scenes with dynamic light sources. <3 10) I think theres gonna be a lot more conflict with Royal in regards to Royal just being so energetic. I think Rafael and Kas will find him exhausting after a point. not to mention I get the impression Rafael and Kas are getting closer, and I think there's a point where Royal will feel like a third wheel. The largest conflict I see them having though is what to do with their project if they succeed and what to do with themselves after. Cause while at the moment they have a joint goal to focus on, once that goal is gone i think the feelings of lostness will return. As for relationship improvements, I really like Kas was able to tell Royal that Royal's friends were asshole and Royal apologized. I was sure Royal was gonna kind of try to write it off. But nope, the two came to a mutual understanding, and Royal got to grow as a person.

varethane

I love that the lighting approach is derived from film compositing and photography techniques, it gives it a richness of value and saturation that's very intense but still feels realistic

RebelVampire

thats a super eloquent way to put, @varethane

varethane

I, uhhhh, am very nervous about what's going to happen when Royal finds out that Raf stole his dog.

RebelVampire

oh good its not just me then

although im worried whats gonna happen to Royal when Raf finds out Royal's dad was responsible for why the dog was in such bad shape

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Ultimately, do you think Royal, Rafael, and Kas will manage to bring Royal’s project to fruition? Whether success or failure, what do you think it will mean for the three of them, for the future of the company, and for the world?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you think any of Rafael or Royal’s past actions seen throughout the comic before they officially meet will have future consequences? If so, how will they affect their working relationship, and how might the two find a way to work past them?

RebelVampire

11) Once again, definitely the lighting and also probably the composition. These aspects together give the comic this really unique, movie-like tone. And again, there's just so much atmosphere with these illustration techniques that it really works for what's going on with the story. 12) I think it's gonna be a partial success. I don't think they'll manage a true teleporter, but I think they'll manage something close enough that they can use it to revolutionize something? Cause what I forsee happening is that they'll run into a kink and Royal's dad will find out and say "no my dudes make this profitable." i think regardless of success or failure, the experience will still teach them all about themselves, and I think that's more important than any affect they might on a more global scale. 13) Seeing Royal and Rafael hang out more. We've seen Kas with both of them a lot, and I'd like to see those two together more. Cause I feel there's a lot of misconceptions both can work through and apologies to be had. And I think it'll be real interesting. Also, the issue of Royal's stolen doggo. 14) Yes. There is no way that doggo is not gonna be a thing. That's gonna be a hell of a confrontation. Not just cause it's understandable Royal would be mad, but I think Royal is gonna have to face some hard truths about how his dad might be an asshole. I think inevitably the two will work things out, but each is gonna have to accept that some of the people they know are assholes.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about SUPERPOSE this week! Please also give a special thank you to Joe (or Seosamh) and Anka for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked SUPERPOSE, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://superposecomic.com/

Joe and Anka’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/superpose

Joe and Anka’s Store: http://superpose.storenvy.com/

[lynccycling]

Welcome to the week of women! We couldn’t be more thrilled to highlight our own community of boss babes who are breaking barriers & making a difference in the world. Read below as we shed some light on our own LYNC women that are doing BIG THINGS in the community. We're celebrating those that inspire us, help break down gender bias in their industry, and support their local girl gang.

Meet Erin Zeller (@erinstellar), a video producer, digital marketer by day and passionate storyteller by night. She’s making noise in a male-dominated field, video production 🎥, and using her talent to tell some pretty jaw-dropping stories.

“As a former news reporter, I found a love for being able give people a voice through video, and tell stories that inspire change. I filmed, edited, and solo-produced UnBound, a short film about human trafficking in Texas through the eyes of a survivor who shares her experience on what it was like being exploited in the sex trade. The name UnBound comes from the anti-trafficking organization who fights to end sex trafficking and advocates for survivors like the woman featured in the film. I’m honored that the story was accepted into the Deep in the Heart of Texas film festival and will be screened in downtown Waco ‪March 29th.‬ “

In April, she’ll be starting a new job at an all-female production company which is huge because it’s such a male-dominated space. In the future, she hopes to create more films that highlight other strong women, non-profits, and changemakers, because “stories are how we all relate, and they have the power to inspire and bring change to a community.”

We’re so proud of Ellen Ewing (@ellenewing2473) for retiring after 32 years in the corporate world! After she cleared out her office, she knew she wanted more. She wanted to get involved with helping children find hope and safety from the sex trade. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ “I began learning more about human trafficking and learned that in Dallas alone an estimated 400 children are being sold for sex every day. The more l learned, the more I knew I needed to do something to help. My church asked me to co-lead our Anti Human Trafficking Team. We financially support and serve 4 non profits in the Dallas area who are working every day to educate, rescue and rehabilitate these children who are suffering through the trauma they have experienced.” ⠀ Texas is the #2 state in the nation for human trafficking victims, only second to California. The sex trade industry pulls in an astounding $99 billion per year, making it the fastest growing crime in the world. Ellen partners with a local non-profit organization, the @PoiemaFoundation, educating the public and raising awareness in order to prevent sexual abuse, sex trafficking, and other methods of sexual exploitation. 71% of human trafficking targets women & children. Poiema helps survivors begin recovery through a trauma-informed care program and residential housing that provides food, shelter and security. ⠀ Each Saturday, Ellen and her Poiema group head to hotels to hand out out flyers of missing children while looking for suspicious activity to provide to the detectives who are actively working to rescue exploited girls.

Meet Honor (@honorshearer)—a lover of comedy & food. Our two favorites! After doing stand up comedy for 6 years, Honor founded her own catering company, Gourmet at Home.

Cooking is an industry that is largely represented by men, boasting less than 20% of female chefs. 🍴 But now, Honor is bridging the gap and rockin’ the kitchen. Did we mention that Honor’s cooking is drool worthy?! She creates beautiful cuisine and memorable experiences. Honor, an entertainer at heart, also teaches cooking classes for people ages 9-99 available on @cozymeal.com.

“I became a chef because I love food, but my goal is to create beautiful experiences for people. Growing up, my mom cooked dinner and we always ate around the dining room table while my dad provided these incredible stories. We sat there together, eating wonderful food, talking and laughing. These dinnertime memories are my favorite.”

Honor loves being a chef so that she can provide exquisite food and an avenue for joyful, memorable experiences. We love Honor’s passion for food, creating long-lasting memories together, and founding a female run business in an industry that is lacking balance. 

Meet Tori Schwarzlose (@tori.schw)—for the past four school years, she has had the honor of being a Program Manager for After-School All-Stars (@asasnorthtexas), a nonprofit that runs afterschool programs for middle school students in under-resourced schools.

People often ask her, "Why in the world would you want to work with middle school students?" Her answer typically goes like this. ⠀ “Do you remember what you were like in middle school? I know I had braces, a middle hair part and wore high rise jeans with tie-dye tshirts. If I can help one awkward middle schooler realize that the best is yet to come, then I feel like I have made a difference."

ASAS North Texas provides free after-school programs for over 700 kids across 6 Dallas schools, and over 730,000 kids across the country. Their vision is for their All-Star students is to be safe and healthy, to graduate high school and go to college, to find careers they love and then give back to their communities.

With more than 15 million children home alone after school during peak times of juvenile crime, Tori‘s daily work is making a difference in these kids’ lives. “Every day is a fight to do better, to provide experiences for our future leaders. But every fight is worth it when it's #forthekids.” 

Meet Annie Stock (@annie.stock)! One year ago Annie took her passion for balloons and started her own business, Float Balloon Bar (@float_balloon_bar). She saw the need for personalized balloons in the DFW area and decided that she was going to fill that void. She says her desire to follow her passions and start her own business was sparked during a goal setting workshop we had here at Lync Cycling. She remembers, “We had to write down where we saw ourselves in 10 years and work backwards. I knew I wanted to have my own side business so this was the push I needed.”

This past year, Annie has been pushed out of her comfort zone many times, but has learned that she can meet and exceeded the expectations of her clients. She laughs, “I often say yes to projects and then figure out the details later. It is so satisfying to be scared of a project and then actually complete it!”

She admits that running a small business has been scary, but so rewarding. Throughout the ups and the downs, the final product is always worth it. “I have had many failures along the way, but looking back those have made me stronger and work harder on the next project!”

We are so proud of Annie for being an entrepreneur and a girl boss in our community and can’t wait to see Float Balloon Bar continue to grow!

Meet Lindsay Davis (@lindsayraydavis)! Lindsay started working at SMU after falling for a Mustang (her now husband Joe). They are also expecting their first child this summer! She now works with the Nancy Ann and Ray L. Hunt Leadership Scholars Program and is working for her Masters in Education in Education Policy. She is responsible for 95 students from the point at which they apply to SMU through graduation as well as managing the Hunt Scholar alumni program. Lindsay wears many hats in her role - recruiter, teacher, event planner, life coach, etc. She loves getting to have an impact on these students’ SMU journey!

Lindsay loves her job which is apparent to anyone that knows her. She says, “my job is fun because it’s challenging. Every single day is different, and every student question, concern, and problem is different.” She cares so much about her students and their success and well-being at SMU. “My job is a 24/7 job: the students know I am here for them any day, any time…except for the 45 minutes I make for myself at Lync! (Although, I see a bunch of them in class now, too, which I love!” The past few years she has been bringing the Hunt Scholars in for group rides at Lync at the beginning of ever semester. She tries to practice what she preaches to her students when it comes to life balance. Between her job, her masters degree, her leadership position in the Junior League of Dallas, being a wife, and a soon to be mother, she’s got A LOT going on! She has found a healthy way to relieve stress and have fun through classes at Lync. Lync “is huge source of both energy and mental relaxation.”

Lindsay says there is nothing more rewarding than seeing a student reach a goal that they didn’t necessarily think they could achieve. “Any role I can play in their experience means the world to me, that is what keeps me going.” She believes her job is an exciting opportunity to watch young leaders makes the world a better place. 

Meet Tiffany Fettinger (@tfett1), Owner of Texas Pride Athletics (@texasprideathletics) & current coach of SMU Cheer (@smucheer). Tiffany loves coaching cheerleading and has passionately coached various levels for twelve years. Coachinng SMU Cheer is a dream come true for her, but she has always dreamed of building her own program from the bottom up, so six months ago she opened the doors of Texas Pride Athletics.

“The journey so far has been empowering, emotional, lots of hard work, but insanely rewarding! I get to share my love for cheerelading and tumbling with kids from our community, see their confidence grow as they achieve new skills and their faces light up when they are so proud of themselves. I am hosting tryouts for our very first teams at Texas Pride and I cannot wait to take on the challenges this will bring.”

We stand behind Tiffany and her drive to build a woman-operated business that brings the community together and hosts an empowering place for young kids. “With super strong women supporting me, the sweet and positive mothers that bring their children to the gym, and my staff of smart and diligent young women, Texas Pride will continue to grow and positively impact children in our community!” We can’t wait either Tiffany 👏🏻 

[thisishowyouletgoandfindyou-blog]

10 Things I Find Sexy in a Man (that Aren’t All About Sex).

Via

Melanie Curtin

on Jan 28, 2013

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Image Source: inspire.maxtonmen.com via Kevin on Pinterest

I love men. I love how they move, how they sit, how they kiss.

I love how they play air guitar, quote Wedding Crashers, man the grill and roughhouse together.

I love to hear them bitch about their sports team losing, observe them trying (and failing) to be subtle when checking me out, or watch them wrestle their dog. I love how they beat the steering wheel when they get really into a song, how they posture when a really hot girl walks by, and how most of them genuinely want to be good lovers. I love how different they are from me and how similar they are underneath.

~

*Dear elephant reader: if you're single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

~

And don’t get me wrong—I love a man with a six-pack, with that to-die-for body. But when it really comes down to it, the things that make a man sexy have very little to do with the packaging.

Here are the top 10 “non-packaging related” things I find sexy in a man.

10. Lift Me Up

The guy that picks me up and spins me around, or holds me tightly with my arms and legs wrapped right around him, will always win my heart. Depending on the context, it is one of the sexiest, most comforting or most erotic of experiences. Even if we’re not dating, I always feel happy and free and feminine.

Perhaps it is the reminder of your strength, or my petite-ness, or both at the same time. Perhaps it’s the sensual, spontaneous experience of the way we fit together, the way our bodies are connected in that moment. Perhaps it’s just the fact that you’re bigger than me.

Whatever it is, it’s sexy.

9. Open Doors & Give Up Seats

I find it annoying when people say chivalry is dead. It’s not. It’s alive and kicking—yes, even in the younger generation.

~

Looking for a mindful podcast on real love and intimate relationships? Our partner Elephant Talk is gonna be your favorite new podcast.

~

I know this because, amongst other things, I ride the NYC subway. There, I’ve experienced many men—good men, great men—give up their seats for the elderly (both women and men), open doors for others and help me lift my (many) suitcases up the (many) stairs. To them I say, I salute you. I thank you.

Some women hate it when men open doors for them. They may interpret it as a statement that they can’t take care of themselves, or that they’re somehow less independent because a man is doing something for them.

I am not one of those women. I love it when a man carries my groceries for me, lets me go ahead of him in line, opens a door for me or schleps my luggage.

I know I could do these things by myself, for myself. I’ve done them plenty of times. But when someone else does it, it really does make my life a little bit easier. I feel taken care of. Especially in cities, where we spend a lot of our time with headphones on, consciously ignoring everyone around us, it feels really good to be noticed. The way these men are says, “I see you and I care about you, simply because you’re alive.”

I also look at that guy who just gave up his seat in a new light. He comes across as strong, aware, trustworthy, significant. He comes across like a man.

8. Initiate Middle-of-the-Night Sex

If you know how to do this right (slooowly, softly, gently), it is one of the sexiest things in the world. I love the feeling of being touched between states of consciousness, of arousal before awareness. I adore the dissolving quality of dark, sleepy caresses, the extension of the dreamlike state of not knowing where you stop and I begin.

And I love the slow build, the way a man who knows what he’s doing carefully rearranges my body for me, gently positioning me so that I don’t have to do anything. The fact that he’s guiding the situation, softly but firmly in control, means that I can just lay there languidly and enjoy the ride.

Yes, please. Over and over and three times on Sunday.

7. Deal With Sh*t

I have many talents. I can speak five languages. I’m a good writer. I’m exquisitely empathetic. I kick ass at Trivial Pursuit. I can even dance the tango at a near-professional level.

However, I suck at practical, common sense stuff. I can barely change a light bulb, let alone fix sh*t around the house.

But my dude roommate can. And I gotta tell you, it’s sexy. I came home the other day and a set of lights that had been out for months (literally months!) were fixed. Just like that. Ditto the thermostat. When I asked him how he did it, all I heard was, “Wah wah wah,” like Charlie Brown’s mother. I didn’t follow it because I just don’t care. I do, however, care that I can now actually see objects in the living room.

I get that this is a cliché—trust me, I do. It’s also true I find it somehow deeply satisfying that men are distinct. I love that I’m good at things that they’re not, and that they effortlessly do things I don’t understand at all. I compliment you for complementing me. I get to relax because you just take care of sh*t. It’s freeing.

It’s also sexy.

6. Be Super Solid While I’m Freaking Out

When I am absolutely losing it about something (legitimate or not), I don’t need to be fixed. I don’t need to be told what to do, I don’t need advice, and I certainly don’t need someone to tell me to calm down.

I just need to be witnessed.

That’s right, when I’m on my crazy train, I don’t want a man to try to stop it (he won’t be able to, anyway). I just want him to be with me while I’m on it. I want to know I’m not alone.

So the man who quietly listens, who takes it all in without taking it too seriously, is unbelievably sexy. He is sexy in his solidity, he’s sexy in his presence, he’s sexy in his naturally grounded nature. He’s extra super really sexy when I can tell that not only is he not intimidated by my freakout, he’s actually (respectfully) entertained by it—he welcomes it.

Those exceptional men I’ve been with who enjoy the ride, who witness my storms or those of other women with a knowing look, a wisdom that goes beyond my high-strung-ness or defensiveness or just general freakout, are rare.

They’re also sexy.

5. Play With Kids

Straight up, it is hot when a man is genuinely good at playing with kids. This does not include faking it to get attention from women—obviously that’s a huge turnoff (and dude, we’re biologically made to know when you’re faking it). No, it’s only—and very—hot when he actually likes them. It’s probably something primordial, basic, an animalistic understanding that he’d be good at playing with our kids. But who cares?

Because it’s not just a sweet moment, like, “Awww, look how good he is with that kid.” It’s an actual, visceral turn-on—I literally feel a tingling in my nether regions. It doesn’t make me want to have babies with you, but it sure makes me want to make them with you.

(Just kidding. Sort of.)

4. Accept Emotions

I recently called a guy friend to let him know that I was on my way to meeting up, but I wasn’t feeling all that great. Being a little sad and irritable, I said, “Sorry in advance for not being very fun. I’m going to try to get into a better mood.”

Do you know what he said?

“If you are, great. If not, great. Whatever you got, bring it.”

I felt so accepted I started to tear up. I knew it would be okay even if I wasn’t okay—that I wouldn’t be blamed or shamed for not being cheerful or upbeat. I could bring my truth—my real truth—and he would still be there.

I wasn’t a problem.

When a man resists emotions—mine or his own, I feel repressed and uncomfortable. A roiling sensation in my stomach builds, that I just can’t kick. And in my experience, many men (many people, but men in particular) are threatened by emotions like sadness, anger, or fear. They want to fix it right away to soothe their own anxiety. They can’t tolerate the idea that a woman is unhappy. They can’t tolerate the idea that they might be blamed for it.

Then there is the man who accepts me in all of my facets, not just the ‘pretty’ ones. He has learned to be with emotion—just be with it. He doesn’t feel the need to make it go away or turn it into something else. He just accepts, and genuinely wants to know.

With him, I feel deeply safe. I know I can bring all of me, and he’s going to be able to handle it. I don’t have to manage his experience of me. I can just be.

And the fact that he wants to know me makes me want to know him.

Biblically.

3. Care About His Friends

I fell in love with my last boyfriend in stages. The first was one night when we sat in his truck outside his place while he called his best friend, who had just lost his grandfather. He listened, made manly sounds of sympathy (like grunts), asked about his friend’s family members, told his friend he loved him in his own way, and promptly got off the phone.

It was brief, but real and heartfelt. And when I saw him care about his friend—really care about him, but in a totally different way than I care about my female friends—I fell pretty hard.

I think he was surprised by how much I wanted him after that phone call. I may or may not have given him a minute, then attacked him right there in the truck.

2. Show His Backbone

If you’re my man, I want you to be vulnerable with me. I love watching you agonize over which stuffed animal your three-year-old niece would like better: the panda or the whale? I enjoy when you tell me about something that’s hard for you to admit about your past, or how you didn’t have it all together for that presentation at work today, or when you own up to just how much you want me to like the necklace you just gave me (and how stressed you are that maybe I don’t).

I cherish those moments.

But it also turns me on when you have to be a hardass and you’re willing to go there. Pointless aggression is a turn-off, but watching a man enforce strong boundaries is a huge turn-on. It’s hot when a man stands up for himself by telling his boss to find someone else to work this weekend, or puts his foot down with the slacker on his team, or quietly but firmly tells his brother that he can’t borrow the car (given that he drove it drunk the last time he did). Even when it’s directed at me, I love seeing that fire within you, that point of resistance that says no.

In fact, your “no “has me saying yes.

Yes, yes, yessss.

1.

Listen

The sexiest thing a man can do is listen to me—all of me. With all of him.

Some men don’t listen at all. They just don’t. They talk about themselves ad nauseum and then wonder what happened when I wander away. These men are generally referred to as “douchebags.”

Other men listen in such a manner that they practically collapse into me. They fall all over themselves to “do” listening right, keeping their focus and attention so on me that they lose themselves. In a way, they actually stop listening in their attempt to prove how well they do listen. These men are generally known as “nice guys.”

Either way, not sexy.

Then there is the man who maintains his own core while also holding space for me.

This man has a way of drawing out my deepest truth simply by being fully present. He isn’t thinking about what to say next, whether I still like him, how to get me to stop crying, or what to do now. He’s just noticing me, tracking me, attuning himself to me. He’s letting the moment unfold without trying to control it. And him taking the lead in this way has me stop trying to control it as well. Which feels good.

This man listens to what I’m saying and what I’m not saying; he listens with his body as well as his heart. He listens with his mind, with his emotions, with his curiosity, with his soul. He asks questions when the time is right, because he really wants to understand, not because he wants to coach me to get somewhere else. He listens to all of me, with all of him.

When I am in his presence, my entire being relaxes. I become more gracious, more present, more in flow. I am expressive without being self-conscious.

I am emotional without being reactive. I am beautiful without being perfect. I feel safe, I feel seen, I feel radiant.

In other words, I feel like a woman. With a man.

And that is sexy.

~

[artistsintheclassroom8]

Wisdom 2.0 2017: Day 3: My Notes

Disclaimer: As with all of my published notes from workshops or conferences, these are in no way comprehensive. Nor are they a literal summation of what was said. They are simply my notes, my interpreted, perspective-ed reflections, photos, and jottings, that occasionally combine my own records & thoughts with those of the speakers. There might be some typos.

Palace of Fine Arts | Innovation Hangar. February 2017. San Francisco, CA

The Modern Elder: A New Framework for Sharing and Receiving Wisdom | Chip Conley (AirBnB, Joi De Vivre)

“Musicians don’t retire. They stop when there’s no more music left in them.” – Louis Armstrong.

Democratizing Hospitality.

“If you ship a feature and no uses it, did it really ship?”

“It was supposed to be 15 hours a week, and it became rapidly clear that it was going to be 15 hours a day.”

Is it possible to be an intern and a mentor at the same time? (YES, I think so! Beginner’s Mind!)

In order to remake yourself at 50, you’re going to have to forget your historical work…

Thinking of yourself as a cultural anthropologist (YES!)

When you’re invited to jump on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat you’re in, get in & contribute in any way possible.

An implicit trade agreement: Could you trade me some digital intelligence for some emotional intelligence?

What is a futurist?

How do you gauge the emotional temperature in a room before you conduct a meeting?

Creating an emotional bank account.

Regardless of what business you’re in, it’s all human-to-human. (YES!)

You are the emotional thermostat of the people you’re leading (YES!).

EQ is important.

Learning. Never. Ends.

If you’re so focused on the what & how, you can miss the “why?” and “what if?”.

Peter Drucker: The leaders of the past knew how to tell. The leaders of the future know how to ask.

How can you be more curious?

The more digital we get, the more ritual we need.

A collateral benefit to being connected to all the islands of the company – You can take a real pulse on the organization (YES! So true. This is what my experience has been like at my sites from day one.)

Wisdom – you know it when you see / hear / feel it.

Being a strategic advisor.

When you create space in your life, interesting things emerge.

A Modern Elder: Student & Sage at the same time.

When an elder dies, it’s like a library burns down.

Wisdom is a lot about pattern recognition.

Understanding Our Youth: A Dialogue With Teenagers | Ashanti Branch (EverForward Club)

“to not be the stereotype that’s over my head.”

Our expectation of this is that they get real.

You may have a hard time getting real.

There are some serious lines that, in this club, you cannot cross.

On different ways of doing things, especially around youth & tech: “It doesn’t work for me, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for her, or him.”

Great question from a teenager: “Ten years from now, what do you see me doing? What do you see your children doing?”

*I have a lot of thoughts / feelings about panels like these – they trigger in me everything I’m struggling with, and have struggled with for so long, feeling like a bridge walker between many different lives, interests, and worlds – culturally, economically, geographically… I will speak to this at some point in the future, via post, I think, but I do believe it’s a Wisdom 2.0 issue & responsibility: addressing the very real, very consequential economic divide, without trying to showcase or exoticize individuals who come from or live in different economic situations than a majority of the conference goers. I have LOTS of thoughts and feelings about this topic.

The Soul Of Money: A Wisdom Based Approach to Understanding the Role of Money in Our Lives | Lynne Twist (The Soul of Money) (The Pachamama Alliance)

Collapsing circumstances with identity.

What is “poor”?

“The unfortunate _____________ (can’t read my notes) we put around economic circumstance.”

“I love asking for money, because I see what it can do.”

“People of wealth” “People of color” (personally, I take issue with these classifications..)

What do people value, and what does money mean when they get their wealth? 

People of the Amazon – in their worldview – “What is money? How is it useful?”

Imagine (people privileged enough to be able to attend Wisdom 2.0!), not being able to feed your children.”

The cathartic power of story.

Separation via economic oceans.

A co-equal partnership.

Not only the power of money, but the power of….

THE EXQUISITE DISTINCTION OF ENOUGH.

“A constant mind-set of scarcity.”

Not enough information.

Acquisition.

“The mind-set that we swim in, that has us behaving in ways that are inconsistent with our humanity.”

Buckminster Fuller.

The radical, surprising truth about life, is sufficiency.

Natural abundance.

We’re met by the universe with exactly what we need.

The doorway to more will always lead you to lack.

If you let go of trying to get more of what you don’t really need, it frees you up, to put all that energy into making a difference.

What you appreciate, appreciates.

Breathing Love Into Communities | Atman Smith (Holistic Life Foundation) | Ali Smith | Andres Gonzalez

Our party turned into a book club.

Going inward seemed like a better journey than going out. (YES!)

Whatever your heart’s pushing you to do, go do it… You don’t need to wait, you don’t need permission. (YES!)

Go out, and go into your communities, and ……

The idea of respect: “Re” like to do again, and “spectacle”, like to look.

To look, and then to look again.

Seeing everyone’s inner light.

The 3 of us are going to save the world (YES! I know that feeling ;).

We’re actually not here to save anyone, we’re here to help people help themselves.

Reciprocal Teaching – every single person you encounter is a / your teacher.

Programs in school now, that are turning suspension into meditation (YES! SO much more effective!).

Punitive discipline à Let’s shift that to an opportunity…

“Behavior” is almost always trauma (YES!)

Instead of sending students back into the environments where these behaviors are coming from (suspension), why not provide them with helpful tools instead??? (In house suspension, with meditation training).

“Be giving extra love to the ones that…”

The Role of Mindfulness in Healing and Resilience: A Conversation with Jewel | Jewel Kilcher (Never Broken) | Soren Gordhamer (Wisdom 2.0)

Chance favors a prepared mind.

Not continuing the trauma that you experienced…

Intervening.

How to handle anxiety and pain in a way that’s meaningful.

The misguided way that people try to connect.

Our emotions are our best alarm system.

Turning off (numbing) pain, also means you turn off other emotions in your life.

How do I stay awake in the face of great pain?

Standing / being close to people who are serving as mentors, but don’t even know it.

Going from trauma, to trauma, to trauma….

___________ was such a blessing, but I had to be on my toes… (!)

How do we fight for our humanity?

People can’t look at / face / handle the pain – they have no resource.

Looking inward is the most giving thing you can do.

The world doesn’t need evangelists, as much as they need people to be living authentic lives. (YES!)

What is causing static?

When I can’t trust my own inner voice  - trusting my instincts.

If this makes me feel more anxious, this is not me – it’s trauma, stress, and anxiety.

“I’m a kid. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

The antidote thought.

I’m capable of figuring it out.

Keeping your compass in yourself.

Never placing it in yourself.

What is your compass? Your values.

Hardwood grows slowly.

Self audit.

Internal permission / safety.

If you shame yourself, you can’t see yourself.

Hyper vigilance – keeping you, in your head, more than you’d like.

Fear is a thing – and it takes the past, and projects it into the future, and it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Transmuting pain.

“I’m a very flawed person. I’ll lead with that.”

Imperfection as a source of safety.

Armor drains you at the end of the day.

Welcoming fear, to a degree.

Getting extra curious, when you want to bow up.

Death = the opportunity to reinvent yourself.

Broken Open (Leonard Cohen).

Being pregnant with yourself.

Not staying habitually addicted to healing or pain.

“I was in a fantasy relationship, and I had to grieve the ________ who I thought loved me.”

I didn’t know how to heal, and I didn’t trust anybody to help.

“I’m covered in layers of _____________ , that doesn’t belong to me.”

“An archeological dig back to myself.”

The places where we get addicted to healing.

Channeling / accessing the speaking of truth.

I want to go into law, and the I realized pop-culture has a direct line into people’s blood streams…”

“Put me on a pedestal so I can be knocked off no pedestal.”

“That door closed, but there’s another one that’s going to open.”

I want my life to be my greatest work of art. (YES!)

If my “art” is my greatest work of art, I’m an _______hole.

Influencing and engaging with culture.

I’m just starting, I don’t know what all of this looks like, I’ve been doing all of this very intuitively…” (YES!)

support@jewelneverbroken.com

Looking at yourself as a creator rather than an expert.

And of course, some contemplation / in-sock reflection time: 

and an Inspirational Quote Bomb! :) 

...to which I’ve decided to open source the process to:

Step 1) Find a quote that speaks to you, and write it on a post-it note. 

Step 2) Stick it somewhere (that's the "bomb"). 

Step 3) Take a photo of it. 

Step 4) Filter (if you like) & post. 

Relentless (Non)Pursuit of a More Mindful World | JKZ

What are the possibilities when we learn to get out of our own way?

The real mediation is living with integrity, living an ethical life, living as though it really mattered.

What if we’re not attached to a particular modality?

The awareness is good enough, and then what you do next, is the future.

Being rather than doing.

“We should script this for optimal effect.” (LOL!)

Following threads through lines of significant….

Pain.

Where does suffering start and end?

Outside ourselves, or inside ourselves?

But it doesn’t mean you don’t act.

Approaching situations in your life that are difficult, with a welcome mat, and curiosity.

“Full Catastrophe Living”

The Lattis Structure of Being.

How easy it is to take that which is not personal, personally.

We tell ourselves a lot of false news.

The real news is there’s no news at all.

What is news? It’s one segment of the population’s story.

A disease of the body politic.

Leading with humanity vs. leading with fear.

Inner transformation.

What is it about the original impulse that brought you here?

Something _____________happens when you become OK, with space.

10% Happier: Tackling the Myths, Misconceptions, and Self-Deceptions that Stop You from Meditating | Dan Harris (10% Happier)

Reducing stress, without loosing your edge. (A real concern for me!)

How to be an ambitious person, and still strive for enlightenment (?).

The un-ironic use of the word “Namaste” (LOL! That’s me!)

Gingerly making fun of the teachers themselves.

The fallacy of uniqueness.

If you think about your schedule holistically, you actually have more time than you think you do.

If you care about being of service, you can’t be of service to others, unless you care about yourself.

Loosing your edge = Top concern of meditation.

Fear of looking “Soft”.

“If I get too happy, I’m gonna loose my edge… “

You become an observer of your neurosis, and when you see that ________ clearly, it doesn’t jank you around as much.

It’s better to see this stuff, than to be blindly driven by it.

Closing

MY LIFE IS MY MESSAGE

CARING DEEPLY, AND WANTING TO TAKE ACTION

Being in a culture, for 3 days, of kindness and care.

Pivoting around what’s going on in the world.

Well. It was another great conference with the tribe. Thank you @wisdom2conf & @soreng for creating the container for another wonderful, expansive, enlightening, and enriching experience. In the words of Dr. Seuss: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." And wear a small hat in celebration 😊  🎩  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ❤ ❤

[occultationrecordings]

Translation of Ruta 66 John Howard interview

John Howard: So near yet so far

Howard Michael Jones was born in Lancashire in the early 1950s and came very close to achieving success at the very start of his career, when the powerful CBS label had high hopes of his debut, the wonderful “Kid In A Big World”.

However, the stars failed to align on that occasion, even though the aforementioned first LP was an exquisite pop confection, where, among the sparkling of a precocious talent there were fleeting glimpses Bowie at his most melancholic, early Scott Walker and a few couplets that wouldn’t’ve out of place on a Kinks LP; this misfortune and a failed second album kept him away from the music scene for a full 29 years; or at least, to be more specific away from the scene for artists, as during this lengthy period he swapped the spotlight for the office, joining the payroll of the EMI multinational label working in various departments, from A&R to music publishing and also including the marketing departments.

There was no further musical news from him until the fourth year of the new century, maintaining his quality control on wonderful records such as “As I Was Saying” (Cherry Red, 2005) although they slipped under the popular radar. Sadly and obviously having been sidelined as a minority interest artist, he managed a sporadic, jumbled music career until last year he gave us a surprise, leaving us breathless with what I feel is his masterpiece to date, the brilliant “John Howard & The Night Mail” on which he worked with musicians usually to be found playing with the likes of Paul Weller and Edwyn Collins and on which he excelled with timeless, albeit slightly melancholy pop songs, full of brilliant style and dealing with the everyday splendours and miseries of life lived to the full in remnants of happiness. Listen to songs like “London's After-Work Drinking Culture”, “Deborah Fletcher” and the single “Intact Smile” and you’ll find the explanation for my clumsy arguments for yourselves.

Once again his talent was on fairly near being recognised, as the album was reviewed enthusiastically in media as wide-ranging as AllMusic, MOJO and the magazine you are now reading (see Ruta 66 no. 332). However incredible it might seem, once again he came up against a wall of indifference, he went almost unnoticed and barely thirty people made the trip to the Sala Apolo in Barcelona to enjoy a genuinely magical night with the British bard - times really are tough for talents as subtle as his. Oblivious to the setbacks and heartaches of show-business, Howard now offers us the exquisite “Across The Door Sill”, five poems set to music with voice and piano hand-in¬-hand, a subtle piece of craftsmanship which will be appreciated by amateurs of ethereal, inspired pop. Having moved to rural Murcia a few years ago, we took advantage of his physical proximity to ask him about his expectations for this new record.

R66: In terms of your discography, it may look as though you’re shooting yourself in the foot by releasing a record as intimate as “Across The Door Sill” after the warm welcome given to your last recording with The Night Mail; I'm aware that an artist’s mind doesn’t work like that, but did you never think about continuing with that project, either with the same musicians or a band?

JH: Well, I started writing the songs for this new record while we were playing “John Howard & The Night Mail” live, but it was always clear to me that “Across The Door Sill” was a solo project; in fact when I was at Robert Rotifer’s (The Night Mail guitarist - author’s note) house in Canterbury getting ready for the tour, he played me a few of his new songs and I played him some of mine on my own at the piano, I think un artist must never stagnate, you have to avoid repeating yourself. I wanted to try something completely different to what I’d done in the past, and I decided to try mixing music and poetry. This doesn’t mean that The Night Mail can never record again, but we’d have to see when all the members were available to get together again; in fact at the moment I’m negotiating with Occultation Recordings to record a new album in 2017, and I’d like to do it with a backing band - I’ve got lots of ideas, but at the moment that’s all they are, ideas…

R66: Did you get any offers from labels to continue working with The Night Mail?

JH: Unfortunately not, but you’ve got to remember that The Night Mail wasn’t a band in the usual sense, all of the members are involved in their own projects and touring as backing musicians, which means that the idea of continuing with that project was really difficult; I’ve got to admit that I loved making that record and I hope we’ll be able to get together again one day.

The work involved in preparing the songs for the record is rather unconventional, as it sees that you started by writing five poems with no melodies at all – how did you then manage to fit the music to the words?

JH: I wrote five poems rather anarchically, without thinking about conventional metre, more or less with the structure of a pop song, literally letting the words spill out onto the paper, like when dreams give you images and you don’t know where they come from. Later on I covered these poems with notes on the piano, looking for choruses and rhythms which would fit with the shape of the poetry, then letting the melodies develop naturally. Once I had the basic part of the song ready, I recorded a few layers of piano, one on top of another and finally the vocal, taking fragments from various pre-recorded vocal tests, ending up with the backing vocals and stressing the harmonies, again using various pre-recorded tracks. This is the most I’ve ever got out of the studio, I wanted what you hear on the record to be different from the live versions.

R66: Whose attention are you asking for on the album’s opening track, “Who Cares?” It might seem like a lament for someone who’s been abandoned or neglected – is that the way you feel?

JH: (Laughter) I really don’t feel abandoned or defenceless, in I’m now getting more attention for my music than at any other time in my career, I feel that my fans love me!!! The lyrics on this album shouldn’t be interpreted literally, as they were written in a random, dreamy kind of way. On that song the backing vocals repeat the mantra “Who Cares?” but they’re talking about a question a lot of people are asking at the moment, as they’re worried about the direction in which the world is going, and often they don’t find the right answers. You don’t need to worry about me though, I feel loved and I know there’s definitely someone who cares about me (laughter)

R66: What’s the process involved in writing a song as amazing as “Preservation”? For me this is the most brilliant song on the album and perhaps also the one which most closely follows the melodic parameters set out on the previous record.

JH: Interesting question… I think “Preservation” is the most orthodox song on the album, as it’s got a verse-chorus structure, and it reminds me of some of the sixties folk songs I grew up with. It’s got a very pastoral feel, even the vocal harmonies sound like a folk-pop group, in the tradition of Fairport Convention. In fact a few DJs to whom I’ve given advance copies of the record are playing it on their shows, maybe it’s the closest to what we might define as “a John Howard song”.

R66: In Barcelona you told me that you’ve chosen a life away from the madding crowd, sharing a farm in Murcia with your partner, where you breed chickens, you’ve got a kitchen garden, etc. Does this mean you keep your distance from show business, the latest music etc.?

JH: I’ve spent quite a few years away from the vicissitudes of the music business, even more so since I moved to your country; even so, I’m still in touch with new music through my fellow Night Mail members Robert Rotifer and Ian Button, writers such as Ralegh Long and Darren Hayman and labels like Gare Du Nord, Tapete and Occultation, who have some wonderful artists.

I tried to have a career in the seventies, but I ended up tremendously isolated and now I feel part of a whole network of artists, writers and musicians, I feel as though I belong to the current scene  much more strongly than when I started out almost 50 years ago; on the other hand I’ve absolutely no interest in the kind of pop that’s in the charts, with its utterly detestable, uniform sound, it hurts my ears - a lot of modern singers seem happy to sound like computers, which I don’t like and I try to avoid them

R66: You’re getting ready for a tour to promote this record – I imagine it’ll be you on your own with the piano, like the concert you did at the Sala Apolo in Barcelona. This format depends in some ways on the venues in which you can perform and also requires a certain predisposition on the part of the audience – do you feel you’ve got the strength to cope with all these possible “drawbacks”?

JH: For now I don’t have any gigs planned, but I would love to be invited back to Barcelona or to any other city and have the chance to play my new material. I’m a bit anti-touring, especially if they’re very long. I don’t like being away from home for long, being on the road doesn’t suit my temperament, I’m much happier recording in the studio and creating new material, but on the other hand I love playing small venues where I can feel that the audience are close to me and I can communicate with them, the only condition I lay down is that I need to have a good acoustic piano, I prefer them to electronic pianos. In the acoustic format my songs work much better and I can give the music richer nuances.

Text: Manuel Borrero

Photo: Eva Fraile (Apolo, Barcelona)