#khiphop angst

[just-some-random-blogger]

khiphop masterlist

🍓 = fluff themes

❄️ = angst themes

🚧 = smut themes

🤸‍♀️ = slice of life / bish idek what theme this is

🚀 = crack fic themes

🎩 = dark and/or violent themes

🏩 = genre fic, i.e. mystery, horror, fantasy, etc

🍳 = slow burn

🦕 = personal favorite

back to main masterlist

Jay Park

i wont go home without you | 🍓 Jay Park x Idol!Reader

ph-1

Silent Hands | 🍓🦕 ph-1 (Park Junwon/Harry Park) x Idol!Reader

The Little Things | 🍓🦕 ph-1 (Park Junwon/Harry Park) x Idol!Reader

Simon Dominic

You Can Do Better | 🤸‍♀️🚀 Simon Dominic (Jung Kiseok) x Idol!Reader [Blurb]

[seasquared]

the young boys of summer

Even if there are four seasons in this world, one season stands alone as the ultimate vibe in kpop, and that's the summer bop. This could be, and usually is, a song released late into spring or in the doldrums of the season itself, but timing of the release is not determinative. If you are lucky, the song will advertise itself as such (GFriend's "Sunny Summer," ITZY’s “IT’z Summer,” f(x)'s "Hot Summer"). But like most vibes, you know it when you hear it, like the first time you are graced with Sistar's legendary, iconic, never-to-be-duplicated "Touch my body.” When you hear these songs, you instantly recognize the canonical kpop summer accent, big bold brasses and sounds that seem slapped joyfully out of their instruments and maybe a Spanish guitar. They demand to be played during cookouts, on outdoor patios, through a portable poolside speaker, with a silly little nonsense chorus that only makes sense because the sun has baked off a few of your braincells (ATEEZ’s “Wave”, I’m looking at you). You play these songs around other people, because sharing things makes them hotter, and thus you cooler.

If the "Red Flavors" and "Alcohol-frees" of this world are the accent of summer, then there are the kpop songs that are intended as [Erik Singer voice] evocations, meant to suggest summer and, in some cases, its eventual passing. It's my personal opinion that the slightly jazzy, very r&b, midtempo jam is the sound of autumn, but even if you don't agree, you can hear how Heize in "And July" uses Dean's khiphop vocal stylings to hint at the eventual cooling down of summer and the relationship. A touch of synthwave (IKON's "But You"), EDM (AKMU's "Dinosaur"), or sultry poledancing (After School's "First Love") are all quick shortcuts to this kind of song, one that never quite mentions summer by name but could only be played on a hot summer night. And you couldn’t ask for a better example than Winner's discography, which is littered with summer hits of both kinds. "Island" is a dictionary-definition perfect rendition of the canonical mid-summer accent, while "Everyday" despite its beachy, swimsuit-packed MV and April release date is an end of summer evocation, and “Really Really” somewhere in between. 

My favorite summer kpop evocation is the emotional rock anthem. Seventeen are such masters of every variety of the summertime bop ("Healing", "Swimming Fool," "Very Nice") that at some point you just have to lovingly roll your eyes at them releasing a thirst trap song in the middle of summer and naming it "Hot" because, of course. "Rock with you" was released smack dab in the fall months of October, but when I heard it I knew what it was: a "goodbye summer" song, too melancholy for summer vacation and too exuberant for going back to school but just perfect for convincing you that you have one last chance to tell your summer crush that you like them. Others in this vein: a little bit of BTS' "Run," a little bit of Stray Kids' "Time Out," and a whole lot of TXT's "0x1=LOVESONG."

And so too with NINE.i's "Young Boy." Released in November of last year, it too is a summer evocation, rock anthem subspecies, opening with a combo of synths and rhythmic strumming that drives you recklessly forward through the song like a car barreling down a mostly empty highway covered in the bruised purples and pinks of sunset. It is stuffed full of all the typical (post?) 4th gen markers: video cameras, stickers, spray paint, a tightly focused shot of someone boxing in a dimly lit warehouse, sparklers, the vague sense that you are intruding on a Lost Boys paradise. No kpop MV has captured the turbulent and contradictory angst of being a teenager better than the 0:32 mark, when Vari laughingly looks back on footage he's filmed of his groupmates while lipsyncing the line "When I get sick of it and say, 'Hate this.'"

It's no secret that kpop centers youth: in its performers, its intended audience, its aesthetics, in many of its lyrics. When BTS closed out their adolescent period, they released a two-part mini album whose English title is usually rendered as "The Most Beautiful Moment in Life." For BTS, there is no ambiguity as to when that moment happens: it is when you are young, which Suga underscores in the intro track that shares the album's name. Perhaps at the time BTS meant the title a little ironically, more question mark (the most beautiful?) than exclamation mark. (This is, after all, the group that wrote a song called "War of Hormone" that includes a lyric about squeezing pimples every day.) But when it came time to join the mini-albums into one full-length album, they doubled down, giving the compilation the subtitle "Young Forever" and releasing a song with the same name which declares over and over again "forever / we are young."

"Young" is, of course, not a number. BTS was not declaring the members' intention to remain physically immortal, kpop vampires who never age past their 20s. To be "forever young" is "endlessly run towards my dream," to push forward despite being lost in a maze, to "fall and hurt myself" but still get back up and keep pushing. "Forever we are young" is also an acknowledgement that BTS may always be remembered by some of their fans for this era, caught in glorious high definition high concept music videos that celebrate a carefree "live fast die young" aesthetic. In the MV for "Epilogue: Young Forever," these images, distorted as if on VHS tape, trap the members in a cage of fences. When they escape, it is to an empty runway while a plane flies overhead as if towards heaven. Is this freedom, or death? The only way to remain young forever may be to die young; or put another way, to remain young forever is to die.

Don Henley knew this when he wrote "The Boys of Summer," the summer evocation to end all summer evocations. It is, as everyone knows, not an ode actually to the boys of summer but rather to what remains after they are gone. Its best lines ("Out on the road today / I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac") are about the contradictions of growing up, realizing that you may have to betray the idealism of your youth. It is, in other words, not Maverick and Iceman playing beach volleyball in Top Gun but rather a much older Tom Cruise in Top Gun: Maverick finally having to sit down on the sidelines to watch his students carry on playing beach football without him. The "you" of the song is a girl that Henley's singer still longs for, perhaps one he met when he himself was a boy of summer. But for a very long time, I thought Henley's singer was addressing himself as a younger man. (Can you blame me, when he sings about hair "slicked" back, wearing Wayfarers like one of Top Gun's flyboys?) Through the course of the song, Henley makes peace with the death of youth as best as he can. "Those days are gone forever," he says. He has had to grow up. But in his heart, he still sees his lost love—and maybe himself—forever young.

Perhaps that is what NINE.i is summoning in "Young Boy," when they sing "I can even die." For a moment you may think they are singing "I can't even die," and in a way, both are right. To stop being young is to die, spiritually, but growing old does not mean you stop being young. You can always return to that state. NINE.i's young boy is one of Henley's boys of summer, always shining in the sun, smiling at everyone. He is gone only if you, like Henley's speaker, let him go, turn your back on him and turn him into a sticker on the back of your Cadillac. The young boy of summer is immortal, not because he can't be hurt, but because he is mythological. Youth is not an interlude in one's life. It is a state of possession, like an ancient god that descends upon your body. It is a bit unfamiliar but, NINE.i assures you, as long as you can dream him, he is "forever."

[pastelpastryblog]

In love with my best friend💗 - PH-1 chapter 7

Genre: Everything (angst/fluff/ romance/violence/etc)

Main characters: Y/N (reader), PH-1/ Harry

Prev - Next

2 weeks went by and today is the day that we are able to finally see each other again, because it is the day our our trip to Ibiza. I'm super thrilled for this trip because I haven't been abroad in such a long time and all of my trips have been with my family only, so going on this trip with friends only, is so exciting to me.

- "Hello?"

- "Hey Y/N, I've searched for you all around the airport but I cant find you. Where are you?" Harry says with a worried voice.

- "Chill Harry, I told you I was in the Starbucks. You even told me to get you drink remember? Why are you so worried and jumpy. Is everything okay?

- "You know what? I'm sorry for being anxiou- ah,  I see you. Let me hang up."

As I see Harry walk towards me, my eyes widened, my mouth fell to the ground. My heart started to beat really fast.

- "HARRY, ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?" I say as I hold his face, examining the bruise and scratches on his face.

Harry took my hands and put them down from his face. When he looked at me, I saw that he had fear and anger gleaming in his eyes. That's when I knew that this had something to do with Kimberly.

- "Kimberly, she did this to you didn't she? answer me now Harry. She did this to you didn't she?" I say with fury in my voice.

- "She's fucking crazy. I didn't tell you about this because I didn't want to see you like this. I didn't want to worry you."

- "What did she do?"

- "Kimberly is still living in my dorm."

- "WHAT? HARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I say with disappointment in my voice. I cant believe that Harry is still with that girl. I really don't know how to feel right now.

- "She wouldn't leave Y/N. The only time that we would talk is if we're arguing. I haven't slept in the same bed as her since the day I found out about her other boyfriend. She's just lingering around me and I hate it. I hate the sight of her." He says with a voice full of anger and hurt.

- "Okay, but how did you end up like this?"

- "She heard about our trip. She refused that I leave this country with you, so she did everything that she could. She threw my biology books at me and scratched my face so that I would be afraid to leave the house with a bruised face. She thought that having a battered face would stop me from being with you. She said if she cant be with me, then  nobody else can. I'm not the type to put my hands on anyone, so I didn't."

- "But Harry, why didn't you tell me? I would have been there for you"

- "I didn't tell you because it could have been dangerous for you. Kimberly really hates you and thinks that our breakup is your fault. Not to mention, it wouldn't be fair for me to ruin your mood because you have a lot on your plate. You have school, a job and your side hustle. This isn't fair to you"

- "Its not fair for me but its fair for you to get assaulted like this? Let's cancel this trip. I need to go to her. I'm going to deal with her. How dare she?" I say as I become irate, ready to leave the Starbucks.

- "Y/N, no. were already at the airport and our friends are going to be here soon, Tim just texted me. Besides, I'm looking forward for this trip because I wont be able to see Kimberly for the time being, a week of peace, quiet and fun. And most importantly, I'm looking forward to spending my time with you. Its okay Y/N, I know what I'm doing when it comes to Kimberly."

When he said that he was looking forward to spending time with me, I felt some type of way. He probably didn't mean it like that, but he made my heart flutter when he said that.

- "Fine. Do what you want" I say as I roll my eyes. out of nowhere, harry bends down to the level of my face, and slightly comes close to my face. Harry chuckles

-"Whoah!" I say as I'm shocked by how close we were from each other. My poor heart.....

- " Y/N?"

- "Uh y-yes? " I answered hesitantly and confused.

- " Do you trust me?" he says with a hopeful smile on his face, almost like he has it all planned it out.

- "I trust you" I respond with a smile spread across my face.

- "Good, now let's go and find the others. Come on!" Harry says with a slight chuckle and smile on his face.

a few moments later.

We finally met up with our friends it was so overwhelming since we haven't seen each other in a very long time. but super exciting and fun because we had really missed being in each other's presence. Andrea was there, she used to be my best friend but we fell out because she used to talk about me behind her back. She always seemed like I was her competition. anyways, It's a trip that was designed for us to have fun, so I ignored all the petty stuff she did to me and I greeted her since I didn't want it to be awkward between us.

It was finally time to board our plane and because Harry and I had booked our plane tickets together, we ended up getting seats that were close to each other. Whilst being on the plane, sitting next to Harry, I was still upset with what had happened to him. I was trying to ignore it but I felt guilty for wanting to have fun, even though Harry was clearly traumatised from what had occurred the previous night and on top of that, I was also worried that Andrea would do something petty to me on this trip. I was really tired from waking up early but I couldn't sleep because I was just I kept thinking about what Harry must have felt when Kimberly was violent towards him, so I just decided to look out the window, to distract myself. Then all of a sudden, I felt a weight on my shoulder, It was Harry's head on my shoulder.

He looked at me and said "Y/N, stop stressing and enjoy the trip. Okay? everything will be okay. Now sleep, I know how tired you are." with a smile on his face and then he closed his eyes to sleep, and so did I.

We finally land, and all of our friends are making fun of Harry and I because apparently we were holding each other whilst we slept. They kept saying that we kept this it a secret that we were a couple. I was so confused and in denial that Harry and I were holding each other in our sleep until kept saying that we were a couple, I was in denial because I didn't realise that we even did that in our sleep so i asked them if they had proof and they did, they took a picture of us whilst we were sleeping, we were really cuddling and holding hands. I felt like disappearing because it was so embarrassing, but Harry took it well and asked them to send the picture to him because he finds it "cute". I wanted to vomit, I was so red from the embarrassment but played it cool by laughing and as I was about to change the topic of the conversation but I got cut off.

- "You're all so excited about this like they're an actual couple. Harry actually has a girlfriend and her name is Kimberly." she scoffs.

- "Sorry, but you know Kimberly how?" Harry says defensively with a curious but angry face.

- "Oh my Gosh,Harry. Why are you so defensive?” Andrea laughs. "Well, she's a friend of a friend since you want to know so bad. Thats how I know her. Is it so wrong that i know her? is it a crime that I know her?"

- "It's not wrong to know her. I just wanted to know how you know her because she's not from where we grew up. So please stop trying to put words in my mouth Andrea. We're here for a good time, fix your attitude before you ruin the trip for us all." he says whilst trying to calm himself down.

- "Woah guys calm down. please. Harry, its okay. Ignore her please." I say whilst worried, because I can tell that Kimberly's name has become triggering to him.

- "Andrea back again with the bad vibes. Who invited you again?" Jake laughs, whilst slightly being irritated by Andrea. Jenica pulls Andrea away as she's the one that invited her.

- "Don't make me regret inviting you Andrea. Nobody wanted you here but I convinced everyone to bring you here because it's not nice to leave people out. Please don't ruin it for us, we haven't seen everyone in a long ass time. So keep your shit together"

- "DAMN, JENICA!" Louis shouts whilst laughing at Andrea and Jenica.

- "she's going to cause problems throughout this whole trip, isn't she?" Harry asks me.

- "ugh...yup" I replied in annoyance.

What will happen on their trip? stay tuned for the next chapter.

Prev - Next

[lastarabesque]

it’s all you: 1/3

next

an ash island social media au where you like him more than a friend but he’s... well, (ft. haon)

[ilove-bloo]

guidelines for requesting!

[LAST UPDATED: 5/20/2020]

how to request:

send a request here.

send in the artists along with a scenario/situation OR send in the artist and give a time stamp, i can make the situation to be creative hehe. try to be as specific if you can, it will make it easier for me and i’m sure you’ll be more satisfied!

what i’ll write:

fluff, angst,

time stamps

bulleted list scenarios/headcannons

au (feel like i could really have fun w these)

if you have any other suggestions/ideas, try and request them and maybe i can write it!

people i write for**: (alphabetized)

ash island

bloo

boycold

changmo

giriboy

gray

groovyroom

haon

hash swan

jay park

kid milli

kim hyoeun

leellamarz

loco

loopy

nafla

no:el

ph-1

sik-k

simon dominic

vinxen

woo wonjae

yang hongwon/young b

zico

**if the person you want to request isn’t here, it doesn’t necessarily mean i won’t write about them it’s just i don’t know much about them - i do take the time to learn about more artists so you MIGHT get your request fulfilled anyways! (i also may have forgotten to write their name haha) **

what i absolutely CANNOT write about:

smut... i’m just bad at it

abuse/sexual assault/rape (including artists that have related scandals - no toleration)

cheating

mental illness/depression

blood/gore

ALSO KNOW:

please know i am one single person and i write as a creative outlet. i’m currently in school and i work, i write in my free/down time. also to let you know, this is a side blog.

always be nice! ❤️❤️

feel free to send me any questions, or send messages through my ask box even if you’d just like to talk!

THANK YOU AND HAVE FUN REQUESTING!!

[seoulessnights]

what truly matters

You and Siyoung promised that no matter how hectic things got, you guys would never forget about the important things. The things that mattered. But on days like today, the two of you had a hard time agreeing on what was actually important. 

“I can’t believe you just completely forgot about my work dinner!”

You stood in the corner of the room, near the door. The exact spot you were when you walked into Siyoung’s studio, as you caught him red handed - absent-minded and completely absorbed in his music as usual.

“I can’t believe you invited Junwon hyung instead?!”

Siyoung spat back, unwilling to back down. It was true. After you realized that Siyoung either completely forgot about your work dinner that you had incessantly reminded him about for the past month or was stuck in a ditch somewhere, unable to answer your numerous calls and texts you bombarded his phone with, (which, you assumed, was the former), you had panicked. This was your first dinner at your new workplace and due to the fact that Valentine’s day was just around the corner, the dinner’s theme was appropriately decided as two is better than one. Bring a partner, bring a friend, but don’t come alone. It was extremely corny, but it was meant to encourage your office to mingle in a more casual environment. 

You had carefully announced a couple weeks prior that you were bringing a plus one, and much attention was drawn to this announcement (as you were the youngest and newest addition to the office). It would have been extremely embarrassing to show up alone, solo, after all the chatter amongst your coworkers about your mysterious guest. Luckily for you, Harry had texted you to see what you were up to on a Friday night, and you were able to drag your best friend of ten years to your dinner. And much to your relief, Harry charmed your coworkers and the dinner went quite swimmingly. 

And of course, this was what angered Siyoung. This dinner was supposed to be the perfect opportunity for him to introduce himself to your coworkers. His time to shine. You had such a good relationship with your coworkers that Siyoung really wanted to impress them and be accepted by them as a suitable partner for you. Except he had completely forgotten about the dinner. And instead, your best friend, Harry swooped in, as always, to save the day. 

“What was I supposed to do, Siyoung? Go alone?”

“But I can’t believe he gets introduced to your coworkers even before I do!”

“And whose fault is that?” You yelled as you stormed out of his studio and left his house. You could not believe how selfish and stubborn Siyoung was being. He actually had the nerve to be upset at you.  *

“Cheers, bitches!”

You clinked glasses with your friends as your group downed the shots almost immediately. After leaving Siyoung’s place, your college friends had invited you to join them at the club. You normally would’ve declined such an offer, as you much preferred the life of a homebody - spending Friday nights curled up on the couch with a book or watching TV - but you decided that this would be a nice way to blow off some steam.

A nice distraction to take your mind off of your fight with Siyoung. You knew how easily jealous Siyoung got, and a part of you wanted to provoke him. Besides, it had been a while since you’ve gone out with your friends from college, and you wanted to have fun - relive the youth you and your friends once shared. As the night progressed, however, you became increasingly tired of the blaring music and the overwhelming amount of people squeezed into one space. When your friends wanted to join the dance floor, you waved them onwards, but stayed behind at the bar. You nursed your drink as you watched all the action unfold from behind the scenes. You much preferred this to all the slimy, sweaty bodies you would potentially be rubbing against at the dance floor. However, your solitude didn’t last for long, as it was hard for a girl, sipping a drink by herself, to go unnoticed at the club. “You come here alone?”

A tall, dark-haired guy approached you, his own drink in hand. In lieu of a reply, you pointed sloppily in the general direction of the dance floor, hoping that he would get the message that your friends were off dancing. “What’s your name?”

Unfazed by your lack of reply, the guy sat in the stool next to you and tried to continue the conversation. He was rather forward, but you didn’t mind the attention, especially as you spotted Siyoung and the rest of his WYBH crew in the corner of your eyes. You weren’t surprised to see him here, as the club was a popular place for commoners and rappers alike, but you were still upset at him and had a sudden urge to want to draw his attention and get on his nerves.

You flashed the dark-haired guy a smile as you slipped him your first name. The guy, delighted at your response, took this as a sign to be even more forward than he was previously. He leaned in towards you as he whispered a lame joke or two. You could smell the whiskey in his breath and laughed absentmindedly, as your gaze was mostly fixed on Siyoung and his crew. Siyoung, at this exact moment, happened to turn around and notice you. You could see him furrow his brows - a tell tale sign of either extreme concentration or anger. And you had a feeling it was not the former. 

Noticing your distant gaze, the dark-haired guy turned around in the direction that you were staring, as he discovered Siyoung. 

“You know him?” The guy gestured towards Siyoung. He clearly was not into the hiphop scene, as it seemed that he was completely oblivious that he was pointing to Giriboy, one of the most prominent rappers of the scene.

“Nah.” You laughed, as you brushed his concern off. You could see Siyoung’s jaw visibly clench, as his brooding, dark eyes flashed in anger, but you decided to ignore him and continued on with your conversation. * As the night moved along, the dark-haired guy ordered drinks for the two of you. Even though you were fairly tipsy at this point from downing numerous rounds with your friends, you gladly accepted. Free drinks and a chance to further provoke your angry boyfriend. How could you say no to such an offer? As you shared more drinks with the guy, he naturally got the wrong impression and increasingly became more and more forward throughout the night, to a point where you started to feel uncomfortable. You had just about had it when he leaned in again, this time to caress your cheek. You cowered away from his touch, as goosebumps peppered your skin. You were officially disgusted by this slime ball, and it was time to put an end to your act. But before you even had the chance to say something, you felt a strong grip on your wrist, as you were forced out of your seat.

“Get your fucking hands off of her”

Siyoung spat, as he pulled you towards him. You let Siyoung put his arms around your waist defensively, as he continued to stare menacingly at the dark-haired guy.

“Woah, woah. I didn’t know she had a boyfriend.”

The dark-haired guy, completely caught off-guard, surprisingly gave in easily. He muttered a quick apology to Siyoung, as he scurried towards the crowded dance floor, probably in search of his next target. You dreaded what was to ensue, as you let yourself be dragged outside the club by your boyfriend. Once the two of you were alone, you nervously glanced up at him. You were still tipsy from the alcohol in your system, but what had just happened sobered you up enough to realize how childish and stupid you had acted the entire night. And all of this to try to get back at Siyoung for something that didn’t even seem that big of a deal anymore. 

“Siyoung, I,”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

Siyoung surprised you as he cut you off before you could offer him your apology. You were prepared for him to yell at you, ask if you were out of your mind, but instead, he was apologizing. “I overreacted,” Siyoung continued. "It was my fault that I forgot about the dinner, and I’m really sorry.” His eyes softened. “I… I’m so sorry too. For introducing Harry to my coworkers before they had a chance to meet you, and for acting the way I did at the club.” 

Siyoung nodded, as he reached out to grab your hand, lacing his long fingers into yours. The two of you had briefly lost sight of what truly mattered and instead focused on trivial things to nitpick and bug each other with. Of course, it didn’t matter that much that Siyoung had missed your work dinner. You knew how busy Siyoung could get with his music, and you also knew there would be plenty of future dinners to bring him to. And Siyoung understood why you strung Harry along to the dinner - he knew how much you dreaded attending social events solo, and he knew that you and Harry maintained an exclusively platonic friendship for the past ten years. 

“I love you” Siyoung whispered, as he planted a soft kiss on your head. You placed your head on his chest as you stared above at his loving face, the night sky acting as a backdrop. 

“I love you too, Siyoung.” ______________________________________________________________________

I don’t know how to end my scenarios without making them seem sooooooo incredibly cheesy and corny. But I hope you enjoy!!! pH-1 is officially our honorary second male lead at this point, but who’s complaining?

[kpop-uni]

Through the Lens // Five

Christian YuxYoutuber!Reader Words: 4.5K A/N: WOW did this take forever :( I’m sorry for the long wait but as you guys probably know I’m not in the best mental place right now and my main priority was getting help for me. Though, thanks for sticking with me! Love ya lots! But we’re looking at maybe? Two chapters until the end? Like usual I might post a poll on what fic to post but if anything I’ll just post summaries and Ill update as I go along~ If anything, a poll will be up with weekend to see what fics I’ll be posting next!

Chapter Four // Chapter Six

To everyone, except for Gyungmo of course, nothing was out of the ordinary with you. You smiled and joked around the same, always enthusiastic about going out to eat or shoving your mouth with snacks. But, the moment that Christian joined, or if Chaeyoung was present, everything with you went quiet. You stayed in your place with the same excuses. 

"I'm editing." "No, I'm just making sure the battery is okay." "I gotta make notes on what to delete."

Scott, on the other hand, began to notice, furrowing his eyebrows and thinking that maybe Chaeyoung had said something to you. But even when he knew no one was noticing the two of you, Chaeyoung offered you her snacks, always asking if you needed something from the store or if she could watch while you went over the edited videos. You tensed a bit when she was near you, giving her one-worded answers or sometimes answering with a shake of your head. 

"Did I do something to her?" Chaeyoung looked over at Christian. 

You had left the room rather quickly after Chaeyoung gave Christian a kiss on the cheek. Chaeyoung turned to you as you slammed your laptop shut, quickly walking out of the studio with Scott right behind you. 

"Hm?" Christian finally gave his attention to Chaeyoung, eyes moving away from the reflection of the studio glass. He saw how Scott was whispering to you, your shoulders slumping, getting up and leaving with him right behind you. Christian's blood boiled, hands clenching into fists. 

"If I did or say something to her," Chaeyoung repeated, elbow resting on the table and fist on her temple. "I feel like she doesn't like me much,"

Before Christian could answer, Gyungmo came in with Cline right behind him, the two showing Christian the finished song. 

"Gyungmo, I can't do this anymore..." You sighed, your thumb pad between your teeth as you nibbled on it, a habit you had when nervous or stressed.

"I told you, just stop overthinking these things-"

"But it's like he's rubbing it in my face," You turned to Gyungmo, hands now on your knees before you sighed, going back to staring at your laptop screen. "This video is almost half an hour long and I still haven't added any footage of him. And to top it, this whole part was about his process!"

Gyungmo sighed, biting his inner cheek, silent until you let your head fall. "So? Are you gonna cut this part out of the series?"

It was quiet, Gyungmo waiting for your response before you shook your head, giving out a sigh. You'll admit, you wanted to skip this part of the series but you knew you would get questions about why and the last thing you wanted was for fans to twist around your intensions. "No, I have to film him and see if he needs anything edited out."

With a nod, Gyungmo left you to continue his work. You hesitantly reached for your camera and laptop, holding on to the charger with your finger as you made your way to Christian's workspace. You stood outside the door, calming your nervous as you lifted your fist, about to knock when the door was pulled open, Christian looking down at you.

He was a bit startled, blinking and taking the tiniest of steps back before you immediately looked down. He watched as you fidgeted, almost dropping your laptop in the process of trying to find your words.

"I need to edit my video with you, just to see if it's okay with you and if you want-"

"I'm going on a date with Chaeyoung, can it wait?"

You gulped at the interruption, your voice already shaking with the nervous. The last thing you wanted was to make an even bigger fool out of yourself so you nodded. You simply stepped back, Christian moving past you and ignoring the way you bit your lip, heading in the opposite direction.

You locked yourself in Cline's space, taking deep breaths and calming yourself down. You slumped down on the arm of the couch, closing your eyes and breathing in and out. With a sigh and soft bite to the corner of your lip, you gulped down the rest of the feelings you had, fixing your laptop and charger in your hand before standing.

Scott looked down the halls, trying to find any sign of you before spotting you checking your phone, calling your name. You were a bit startled, Scott laughing as he walked over. "You hungry?"

You spent the afternoon in with Scott at a small restaurant, the two of you laughing and talking about anything Scott was working on. Eventually, the conversation turning into a game that Scott was interested in playing.

"I think my next series is going to be just playing that game, I've heard good things about it,"

"Are you seriously going to go back to gameplays?" Scott asked, excitement in his eyes as you laughed. The two of you eventually felt like you overstayed your lunch break, Scott letting you pay for the food after losing to a quick round of rock, paper, scissors.

When the two of you walked out, you looked up to find Christian and Chaeyoung walking across the street, hands tightly grasped. Chaeyoung giggling about whatever Christian whispered about, a smirk on his face. You ignored them, focusing on Scott who kept telling his story, your hand in the crook of his arm as the two of you decided to go on a stroll. You laughed a little at what Scott said, distracting you from Christian.

But Chaeyoung noticed you right away, smiling a bit and leaning her head on Christian's bicep. "Aren't they so cute? I feel like they were meant for each other,"

Christian looked over, quickly spotting how much you were laughing at Scott's hands tickling your sides. He clenched his teeth, Scott leaning all his weight on you as you attempted to hold him up, whining his name as he laughed, the two of you stumbling slightly.

You let Scott drag you back to him, continuing the walk. Christian hummed, turning back ahead and trying to ignore what he saw, letting out a breath. "She seems so nice... I kind of feel bad because I think she just doesn't like me," Chaeyoung let the conversation end there, focusing on Christian and their date. But Christian's jaw tensed, looking down at Chaeyoung.

"I'm sure you did nothing, she's just a little hard to get along with at first,"

Gyungmo and Scott had invited the guys on your last night to end your vacation with a celebration, hosting a house party in Scott's place. You knew it wasn't nice, but you couldn't help but feel happy that Christian and Chaeyoung didn't go. You wanted to enjoy yourself once more before heading home, and you knew you weren't going to be able to if you only saw them together.

You let yourself relax, enjoying the company of Hyuk who wouldn't let you go, making you shy whenever you were teased about it. Woo taught you how to spin a few records, teaching you the basics of how to DJ. You stayed with your camera glued to your hand, taking pictures and videos of everyone and everything.

The next morning, you sat on the hotel bed, showered and with everything packed save for your laptop case. You tried looking for the courage to send the text, looking down at your phone. You let out a breath, squeezing your eyes closed and pressing the send button.

Christian's attention was given to his phone at the ding it made, seeing a text from you and sighing a bit.

Y/N 12:54 PM: Can we edit the video now?

Christian knew he couldn't avoid you forever, so he replied back that he was in his studio and to go over. He sat back in his chair, hands rubbing his face as he knew he needed to face you sooner or later. But still, he couldn’t help the anger that bubbled up whenever he saw you, knowing you belonged to Scott.

Christian waited for half an hour, closing his laptop and just about to give up on you when you knocked, heading inside the studio.

"Hey,"

Christian looked up from his laptop, seeing you walk in with your own laptop on hand. You closed the door behind you, Christian, without a word, moved his things aside and giving you room to set your laptop down.

The tension was thick and you began to think that you took forever in setting your editing programs up, taking a seat and clearing your throat. "So, I'm going to combine the videos and play them, I'll tell you my plans and you tell me what you want me to get rid of."

With only a nod and a hum that Christian gave you, you opened the file only for Christian's part of the series, clicking into each video in the order you set it. You waited as he watched the first clip, biting your tongue gently.

Christian was clicking away in the video, eyes focused on his screen as you zoomed in a bit, giggling. He turned to you, giving you a confused look before breaking out into a smile.

"You don't need this one," Christian sat back into his chair, making you hum.

"This one is the intro, kind of to kick it off." You hesitated on looking at him, Christian rolling his eyes and shrugging, sighing out a quiet whatever. You looked back at the video, clicking out of it and moving it to a new file, continuing the second video.

"Delete that, I want my programs to be kept to myself," You nodded, adding in an edit, making sure to type it into the notes on your phone, continuing the video.

Your leg shook with nerves, eyes glued to the screen, going from video to video and doing everything that Christian told you to do with it. It was only a couple more videos when a knock on the door made you both turn, Chaeyoung poking her head before giving a shy smile. “Sorry, I’ll let you guys continue-“

“No, it’s fine.” Christian waved her in, pulling a chair right next to him. You squirmed in your seat, eyes going back to your screen and clicking through the video. You ignored the tiny giggle that escaped Chaeyoung and the soft kiss that Christian gave her until Christian gave you his attention again.

By the end, what could've been a 24-minute long video turned into only 5 minutes. You combined all the videos together, seeing the time limit and frowning, going through other files to look for any other videos you could add.

"That's it, right? We finished?" You could hear the impatience in Christian's voice, pulling his laptop closer. Chaeyoung helped him pull his items closer, going back to resting her arm on the table.

"No, the video needs to be longer than just five minutes," You ignored the way Christian grumbled, closing your eyes and continuing to look for more videos.

"Why don't you like Chaeyoung? What did she do to you?"

You were caught off guard with the question, fingers freezing as you looked at Christian. He glared at you, almost as if he wanted to bury you alive, hand gripping the mouse. Chaeyoung, who was once on her phone, turned to Christian so quick, you thought she was going to snap her neck.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, letting your hands fall from your keyboard to your lap, shaking your head as you scoffed. “What?” 

With a sarcastic chuckle, Christian shook his head. “Everyone can tell that you don’t like Chaeyoung. So why? She’s been nothing but nice to you-“

“Who said that I didn’t like her? I never said that!” You argued back, turning fully toward him. 

“You make it so fucking obvious!” Christian raised his voice, hand waving as if he were showing you how obvious it was. “All that’s left is for you to openly tell her to fuck off-“ 

“Why the hell are you saying such shit?” You yelled back, glaring at Christian. “I’m sorry that I don’t want to talk to your girlfriend like she's my best friend! Is that what’s bugging you?” 

“Ian, stop...” Chaeyoung tried to stop Christian, looking at you with worried eyes. “I’m so sorry, please just ignore him.”

“Come on,” Christian laughed, shaking his head. “Y/N, you literally act like a bitch with her. You’re all fun and games with everyone and when she comes in the hate just oozes out of you!”

Your eyes widened, slamming your laptop closed and grabbing your things. Chaeyoung flinched at the slam, a quiet yelp leaving her and Christian only flinched a bit. “Have you ever thought that maybe it’s not her I hate, Christian?” You turned to the door, grabbing the doorknob. “Maybe, just maybe, it’s you that I hate?” 

Before you could even take a step out, the door was slammed closed, catching you off guard. You were spun around, backing yourself to the door as Christian's jaw clenched, eyes filled with anger as your hands pressed into his chest, attempting to prevent him from getting closer.

"You have no fucking reason to hate me," Christian's words came out quietly, each one oozing venom. Your eyes that were once wide in surprise turned into a hard glare, adding force to your push that only resulted in Christian moving only slightly back. "I never did anything to you.“

"Ian..." Chaeyoung hissed, worry evident on her face as she desperately tried to pull him away from you. "That's enough, okay? You don't need to do this-"

"Never did anything to me?" You scoffed, staring up at Christian in disbelief. "You treated me so nice the whole beginning, but one little drunken night that we kissed and you suddenly changed on me! And you got yourself a girlfriend making me think that I'm the problem!"

Chaeyoung finally stopped trying to pull Christian -who was frozen in shock- back, as Chaeyoung looked at you as if you had grown another head, shaking her head a bit. "Christian wouldn't do that..."

You looked at Christian, an eyebrow raised as you waited for him to talk. “You didn’t tell her? That I pulled you out to dance and you made me think there might have been something between us, only for you to make me feel like a cheap hookup?” 

Christian was at a loss for words, only staring at you as he finally stepped back enough, letting you rush out of the room. You stopped before closing the door, looking at Christian one more time. “I regret ever getting close to you,” The slam of the door echoed in the room, Chaeyoung letting out a breath and moving away. 

“I really thought you started to like me,” Chaeyoung’s voice was soft, pulling away from Christian to grab her phone. 

“I do-“ 

“No, you don’t,” Chaeyoung looked up at Christian. He faced her, worry on his face as Chaeyoung sighed. “Why did you even do this to her? To me?”

Christian tried to say something, anything to not hurt Chaeyoung. His mouth opened and closed as if he was choking on air, trying to find the right words before closing his eyes, letting out a breath. 

“She doesn’t like me, she was drunk and I thought maybe, just maybe, she liked me but she only liked Scott. She probably only kissed me to get back at him since he was with some other girl.” Christian moved to sit on his chair, burying his face in his hands. “I didn’t want to hurt you, and you’re so cool and I thought maybe I can forget her but-“

“You’re still into her,” Chaeyoung finished his sentence, Christian quiet. He clasped his hands in front of his face, only nodding. Chaeyoung looked down, silently walking out the studio. 

Christian stayed in silence, head spinning with thoughts of everything that has happened. He groaned, burying his face in his arms, wrapping his hands around his head, wanting to curl into a ball and hide for a while. 

You tried to calm down, huffing out in anger as you set your things down on a desk, your eyes closed as you finally let yourself breathe. "Everything okay?"

Scott smiled when he found you, walking over as you sat up on the desk, swinging your legs lightly. He stood next to your legs, watching your lips curve up into a small smile. "It's flight nerves, nothing too big,"

Scott stayed quiet, knowing you were lying but only responding with a smile, patting your thigh gently. You were quiet, your fingernails gently scratching Scott's head as his eyes closed a bit, enjoying the attention. You smiled a little, tilting your head a bit. "Sometimes when you spend time with me, I wish you were the one I fell for,"

Scott scoffed, laughing a bit as his eyes stayed closed, leaning more into you before resting his head on your arm. "We would be that famous couple that people would call us mom and dad,"

"Bold you to think they already don't," You giggled as Scott laughed quietly.

You both stayed silent a bit longer, Scott eventually pulling back and grabbing your things, silently giving you the hint that it was time to leave. "I'm sorry things didn't work with the guy you liked," Scott grabbed your hand, fingers intertwining as the two of you headed to your hotel.

"It's whatever, I'm just glad I never told him or else I would've died from embarrassment." You shook your head, letting out a sigh. "Guess I just thought he liked me too,"

"Well he's an idiot if he doesn't like you, you would've been an amazing girlfriend." Scott smiled at your laugh, staying quiet during the short walk. He held the door of the hotel open for you, following you to the elevators. 

“You know, lowkey you can give Gyungmo a chance.” 

The suggestion caught you off guard, making you look at Scott as the two of you stood in your spots, ignoring the elevator door as it opened. Scott only laughed a bit, pressing the button to keep the door open as he stepped inside. “I was just saying,” 

“Scott, what does that even mean?” 

You knew exactly what it meant, anyone hearing Scott would know what it meant. But still, you were caught off guard and now with this sudden news, you weren’t sure you were hearing things correctly. 

“I mean, Gyungmo has a thing for you. Or had... I’m not sure anymore.” Scott pressed the button again as the doors closed, reaching for your wrist to pull you inside. 

“He had a thing for me?” You ask, letting yourself get dragged into the elevator. 

“Okay don’t make this weird for him, I wasn’t supposed to tell you,” Scott watched as you simply nodded, blinking a bit but still processing everything he said, only looking up when the doors opened on your floor. 

“Is he still coming to drive me?” You asked, Scott now on his phone. 

“Yeah, he said to just give him a heads up.” 

You asked him to send Gyungmo the text, stepping inside your room and putting away the last bit of your things. Scott sat at the end of the bed, phone in hand as he scrolled through it, occasionally looking up to see if you needed any help. 

With a groaned sigh, you plopped on the bed next to Scott, resting your head on his shoulder. You two stayed quiet, looking at everything ready to be taken to the car, Scott occasionally chuckling a bit at something he would see on his phone. At the sound of a knock, you let Scott open the door and let in Gyungmo and Cline. You held on to Gyungmo's sleeve, letting him stay back as Cline and Scott left with a suitcase, the two talking. 

"Scott said something to me," You kept your eyes on Gyungmo as he furrowed his eyebrows, thinking on what Scott could've possibly said to you. "He said you have a thing for me?"

With a sigh and smile, Gyungmo shook his head, intertwining your fingers with his. "I had a thing for you, I mean, you're so cute in your videos and you're kind and a sweetheart in person. But I like you like this, being with me and gossiping about stupid shit," 

You couldn't help the smile on your face, getting shy and looking down a little. Gyungmo watched as you collected yourself, lightly slapping your cheeks to get rid of the blush that you knew was present before swinging your bag over your shoulder. Gyungmo stayed by your side, the two of you in comforting silence. "Thanks for being there for me all this time, I hope you know I'm going to be there for you if you ever need me,"

Everything was quiet until you made it outside, Scott and John laughing loudly as Cline was dancing weirdly. Gyungmo stood next to you, a smile on his face as he watched Cline before elbowing you lightly, motioning to your phone. You giggled as Cline exaggerated his dancing more, moving closer to you and the laughter got louder from all of them. Before Cline could exaggerate anymore, John gasped about the time and everyone scattered to put the luggage in Gyungmo's car, rushing you inside. 

The airport buzzed with people traveling in and out, the place almost a blur with everyone. You checked in with Scott by your side, making sure you had all your documents before you made your way to security. A soft sigh later, you let Scott pull you into a hug, wrapping your arms around him tightly. 

"Thank you for letting me do this, I promise you guys are going to love it," You pulled back to offer Scott a hug grin, getting one in return. 

"We better, or you're coming back to film everything all over again," Scott joked, making you giggle. 

You gave Cline and John a hug, looking over at Gyungmo and wrapping your arms around his neck. "Thanks for everything," You whispered, kissing his cheek softly as you pulled back. Gyungmo smiled, trying to hide his blushing. With one final wave, you fixed your bag, using your phone to record the guys once more before heading to your terminal. 

Christian tried not to make it obvious as he walked up and down the halls of the building, looking for any sign of you. It had been two days and after you blocked him on Instagram, Christian had no idea what you were up to. He hadn't seen you in so long, and he didn't want to ask Scott seeing that as every time he tried to get some info, Scott just told him to text you.

Christian didn't bother to knock, just swinging the door open of Scott's studio to find him too close for comfort with a girl that wasn't you. She had a smile on her face, eyebrow raised as Scott leaned closer, only a breath away from kissing her. But the sudden door opened caused the two to look at Christian, his eyes wide in shock. 

"Hey, what's up?" Scott turned to Christian who collected his thoughts before his blood boiled, teeth-gritting in anger. 

"Are you fucking serious?" Christian erupted, Scott and the girl both startled from the sudden outburst. "Just because y/n isn't here you get to cheat on her?"

"What?" The girl glared at Scott, starting to push him away. "Who the hell is y/n?"

"Wait! What? No, hold up!" Christian moved aside as the girl furiously left, Scott trying to call her back before giving up, glaring at Christian. "Dude, what the fuck! You know how long I've been trying to get her to agree to go on a date-"

"What about y/n?" Christian yelled back, pushing Scott back. 

"What about her? She's not even here!" Scott stumbled into the soundboard table, muttering a curse as his wrist got hit by the edge.

The outburst caught the attention of Gyungmo who rushed over, getting between both men. "What the hell is going on?"

"This asshole is practically fucking some girl in here just because y/n isn't here!" Christian tried to push Gyungmo away, trying to reach Scott but he moved farther away.

"What does she have anything to do with it?" Scott yelled back, gesturing around the room. "She's not here!"

"How the hell are you going to cheat on her like that!" 

Scott stopped himself, blinking a bit before thinking about what Christian had just said. "Cheat on y/n? I'm not dating her, man."

Christian stopped trying to get past Gyungmo, furrowing his eyebrows. "Did you break up with her?" 

"I wasn't dating her in the first place?" Scott grew even more confused, Gyungmo stepping away from Christian as he sat on a chair, sighing heavily. 

"You really never noticed that it was Rome that she liked?" Cline's voice made the three turn to him, being caught off guard. Gyungmo was just as surprised at Cline's comment, the three staring at him. "Wait-"

"Did you think I didn't know?" Cline interrupted Gyungmo, head tilted in curiosity. "It was pretty obvious, I mean, I thought he liked her too but I guess not since Chaeyoung is in the picture." With a shrug, Cline dropped the subject, making everyone look at each other. 

"Well, here I was thinking it was Hyuk..." Scott rubbed his cheek, pensive about everything that was said. "No wonder it didn't make sense." 

"Wait... What?" Christian still couldn't get the whole picture, shaking his head. "She likes me?" 

"She fucking fell in love with you, idiot." Gyungmo sighed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Only you would think she and Scott are dating."

"Man, Hyuk was a better suspicion than me. He was practically all over her, especially during her goodbye party. " Scott sat on the edge of his soundboard, shaking his head.

"Goodbye party?" Christian repeated, looking at Scott. 

"We texted you about it, we just thought you were being an asshole and didn't want to go," Cline spoke up, still standing right outside the room. "She went back home like two days ago," 

Christian groaned, rubbing his face and gripping his hair. "I fucked up..."

"You think?" Scott scoffed, rolling his eyes. But still, Scott watched as Christian beat himself over what happened. With a sigh, Scott stood up straight. "I can help you find her. So you can properly apologize for being such a fucking dick." Christian looked up at his friend, slightly nodding his head. With a glare and roll of his eyes, Scott pulled out his phone, going to an old video on your channel and showing it to Christian. "She always hangs around here. It's her favorite place."

Tag list: @derya-t​ // @mara-twins​ // @thefangirlsoul​

[khiphopfrictionals]

My Last (2/5): GRAY Scenario

Summary: This is an AU. You and Gray were in love. Sunghwa joined AOMG (not only as a producer but also a singer) and was offered a record deal – in which involves touring around the world. You suffer from an illness and know it’s impossible for him to follow his dreams if he stays behind for you. So in the end, the two of you part ways on bad terms. Little did Gray know, you kept a big secret from him. Now it has been nearly a decade – can the two of you reconnect?

// Part 2 //

--Flashback--

As you force your way through the sea of writhing bodies illuminated by flashes of color, you could curse yourself. The heavy thud-thud-thud pounds into your skull, and for all that you try to push the horrid noise from your ears, you can't quite manage it tonight.

Your condition has flared up as of late, making all your energies go towards keeping your dinner from coming up and your eyes fully opened. The last place you ought to be is at some club right now. But you and Hyuk-woo promised to take Hoody out for a round for her birthday, and you'd feel like an awful friend if you let her down.

After being bumped into by some half-drunken person, you shout over the music, "I hate you, Hoody! You and your awful taste in clubs!"

"You don't!" She's all smiles and squeezes your hand. "It's not healthy being cooped up in that pathetic little apartment of yours and you know it!"

Maybe you do know it. The thought has crossed your mind before, especially when you look forward to running into your elderly next-door neighbor for a chat. Your social life had declined after moving out of the dorms and even more so after breaking it off with your latest boyfriend. And if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve been looking forward to tonight.

"When should we expect your friend to show up?" You ask as the crowd thins at the edge of the dance floor.

Hoody scans the packed seating area before pointing to a corner booth. "There! That's him."

Your eyes follow Hoody's finger, and you immediately spot Hyuk-woo sitting with two dark haired young men. The first, you recall from a photo in her apartment, is Hoody's friend—all messy hair and tattoos. The second, however, is someone completely new to you.

Gorgeous, he is.

You can feel your heart falter at first sight of him. It's the hair that catches your attention, silky smooth. And the leather jacket certainly doesn't help matters. A bad boy, then? Your type to the very letter, and dear God how are you going to ever make it through tonight?

Because you and Hoody have rules about this sort of thing, you remember regrettably as they approach the booth. No dating friends' friends and the like. Your only hope is that this guy isn't Hoody's friend and has a penchant for someone like you.

Yeah, not likely.

Sunghwa—whose name you learn during the brief round of introductions—may be a little quiet, but he does seem genuinely interested in you. You discover this soon into your five-part conversation around beers. It's nothing Sunghwa does, just the way his eyes fall on you when he speaks. Mesmerized is definitely too strong of a word—though in your make-believe world there's something there.

Something like a spark, and it's so very difficult to keep your own eyes from meeting Sunghwa's when either of you speaks.

And you resist—or tries to, anyway—for the better part of an hour filled with anecdotes of mischief making, lamenting of particular professors and modules. It's only when Hoody and Elo gets up to dance—prompted by Hoody’s favorite song (this week)—and Hyuk-woo leaves for the bar to buy another round that you can't quite avoid Sunghwa any longer.

You feel a gentle nudge to your arm and turns to look at a grinning Sunghwa. He really does have a nice smile, as smiles go. Gorgeous lips and… And Christ, you haven’t been staring just then, have you? You can't quite suppress the heat rising to your cheeks and ducks yor head a bit, hoping to hide your embarrassment.

"You don't strike me as someone who gets up to too much trouble, but the way Hoody talks, you could give me and Elo a run for our money."

You don’t miss the impressed and teasing tone in his voice and feels slightly pleased with yourself. Not that people aren't usually surprised when they hear of your colorful record, but this is somehow different. The thought does cross you that you're misconstruing Sunghwa' interest in you, but you’re three beers in it doesn’t hurt to flirt a little.

"Probably could," you say, all confidence as you take a slow drink.

"Where'd you get those then? Breaking and entering?"

Sunghwa nods in the direction of your hands, smug smirk on his face. You realize that he's referring to your plastered fingers, and immediately sets your bottle down, bringing your hand beneath the table. Suddenly you feel very sober.

"Ah no, not exactly. I play a bit of guitar and overdid it yesterday. Rubbed my skin raw."

You wait for the moment of judgment to pass, inevitable as always. You know you don't look the type to be a music junkie—a little too awkward, a little too reserved—and wonders if Sunghwa will laugh it off like a lot of guys have in the past.

It comes to some surprise then, when you find the courage to meet Sunghwa' eyes, that Sunghwa appears to be completely shocked by your confession. You look at him curiously before Sunghwa's expression settles into something rather indescribable.

"You like music?" Sunghwa asks, and for the first time, you notice the strain-induced scratchiness to his voice

"No, I love music."

Sunghwa smiles, looking at you like he's seeing you properly for the first time.

"Yeah? Me too."

//

-- Present—

Why?

You realize that you ‘accidentally’ picks up the latest Dazed & Confused. And it's only a split second later that you recognize a gorgeous pair of brown eyes on the cover.

They dance for you. Maybe it's just because you remember what they were like in real life, the way Sunghwa's every mood could be read from them. Maybe it's because you often dreamt that Sunghwa would look at you like that again. It's a guilty desire, one that you can barely stomach most days. But no one could fault you for that.

And it's strange, looking at him like this. You desperately want to recognize the unrecognizable in Sunghwa, to have the satisfaction of telling yourself, you were right, he's not the same man.

But you can't.

It's as though time froze Sunghwa as he was years ago. Sunghwa hardly looks older—not like yourself who’s getting premature greys—and perhaps that's what's most frightening. Sunghwa appears to be exactly the man that you had once loved.

Or still loves.

With that, your lips pull into an infuriated grimace. You send the magazine to the floor with a violent thwack. And you bring your hands to your face, bites your tongue in favor of screaming your frustration.

How dare Sunghwa do this! How dare he accept Hyuk-woo's invitation! But it's just like Sunghwa, always looking for the next person or next big thing to stroke his giant ego. He'll be fawned over, praised for his infinite genius, his remarkable rise to stardom. No one cares to think about all Sunghwa sold—all he left behind—in order to get there.

All the people he betrayed.

A miserable sound escapes you. Some days you wonder if you’re the only person in the world that felt that betrayal—feels that betrayal even now—and you know the answer. Hyuk-woo and Elo asks you to stop punishing Sunghwa. Hoody, too, in her own way. You wonder how they of all people can refrain from doing so.

Familiar outrage bubbles up inside you at the thought of everything that happened years ago, but You try to quell it. You can't think about this tonight; it'll only leave you bright eyed and miserable. More miserable, really.

And you definitely won't think about Sunghwa.

Let him have his fame and glory, his money and cheap relationships.

What's it matter?

You find the energy to get up from the sofa, your foot coming into contact with the magazine. The cover crinkles under your step, and you barely notices—or pretends to—as you walks to the bathroom before heading to bed.

//

Things would have been fine, you suppose, if the magazine would have grown legs and kindly dropped itself into the bin during the night. You’re determined to not attend Hyuk-woo's party, to never see Sunghwa again so long as you live, would have remained firmly intact.

But the fact of the matter is that it most assuredly was right in front of the sofa as you sat down with your morning toast and coffee—Sunghwa' face planted between your feet. You stare down at it, transfixed by nothing in particular and yet everything in the same moment. Your hand reaches for the magazine almost of its own accord, and it's only after you have it in your grip that the reason behind your sudden interest becomes clear to you.

You suppose it has a lot to do with the date. It's almost Sunghwa’s and your anniversary—what would have been ten years if Sunghwa hadn't…if things hadn't…well, yeah.

And you, despite the disappointed looks and worried calls from your friends, still celebrates it to some extent. No more romantic dinners for you, though. If there is one thing that suffering from almost bi-monthly seizures has taught you, it's that you might as well live life how you want. There's never a guarantee you'll live beyond the next one.

The funny thing is that Sunghwa gave the biggest joy in your life – Momo. Like Sunghwa, Momo sets you back on the right path. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve been at your healthiest during those years with Sunghwa. So despite all that you hate Sunghwa most of the time, a little piece of you can never deny that Sunghwa was good for you. And now, Momo has taken his place.

That's probably why you still have dreams from time to time, like last night. Of hot, flashing lights and the lazy lovemaking that followed. You wonder if it's a memory or a meshing of reality and fantasy. It was all so vivid. Sunghwa' breath in your ear, his performance-strained voice whispering I love you. And you returning the sentiments in full, rolling over to capture his lips.

Except, the only thing you rolled over to was the emptiness of your bed and unforgiving morning light.

With your thoughts already consumed by Sunghwa, you thumb the pages of the magazine. Sighing, you flip it open randomly and only had to turn once before you find the promised—purportedly revealing—interview.

You sip your coffee, uneager—and yet oh-so-eager—to read the contents of the interview. Brown eyes find the beginning lines, and you brace yourself for…for what? You have no idea. Confirmation, maybe, that this man is not the man you loved. Or heartache when you realize that he is.

It's the normal song and dance for the first few questions, nothing that you couldn't have told the interviewer yourself. What's more interesting to you is the way in which you can hear Sunghwa saying his response—the familiar cadence of his voice, the air of lightness in his tone. The interview even notes when he laughs, and it occurs in all the spots that you imagine it would.

But it's two-thirds of the way down the page that you feel you breath hitch, the question burrowing into you like a parasite and the answer equally as discomfort-inducing.

INTERVIEWER: It's interesting—and many of our readers have noted this—that you've re-released an unplugged version of "My Last" on your new album. Care to elaborate on the decision?

GRAY: Ah, this question! [Laughs]

INTERVIEWER: It's a song shrouded in mystery. Considered to be the most romantic song of the decade and developed by an anonymous co-writer? What are your fans to think?

GRAY: Well they should think that it's a song very near and dear to me, of course. The decision to re-release it in acoustic was made by me. "My Last" was intended for to be an acoustic from the very beginning, and was initially written as a ballad. I've spent a lot of time getting back to my roots with this album, and it was the perfect opportunity to record this song as it was originally intended. I think people will find it more moving than the original, to be honest.

INTERVIEWER: And your co-writer?

GRAY: [Laughs] Will remain anonymous.

INTERVIEWER: Not even the tiniest hint?

GRAY: I think it's obvious from the lyrics that this person means a great deal to me. You can't create something like "My Last" from imagination, you know?

INTERVIEWER: "Means" as in present tense?

GRAY: Do you think that "My Last" could be what it is if it was about any old flame? You—

You shut the magazine quickly, having read quite enough.

//

"You're such an ungrateful daughter."

You smirk, leaning down to meet your mom in a brief hug. You suppose that it's a greeting that would shock most anybody.

"And to what do I owe the insult to my character?" You ask, though you don’t really expect an answer.

Your mom passes Momo to you, and you quickly plant a kiss on her baby-smooth cheek. Momo laughs, pushes you away with a palm to her chin, and struggles out of your arms in favor of her toys in the other room. And it's crazy, how quickly Momo has grown. Where has the time gone?

There's a thud. Your attention is immediately drawn away from thoughts of your daughter to her grandma sopping up spilled coffee from the carpet. You roll your eyes, grabs a tea towel from the nearby kitchen table and joins her on the floor.

"Mom, you're an accident waiting to happen, you know that?" You say.

She looks up at you, fringe falling in her eyes. "You're one to talk. Your whole life is a giant mess."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Her eyes narrow as she jabs her finger at you  accusingly, causing you to flinch. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Standing, your mom flings the coffee-soaked, wadded-up cloth at you and crosses her arms over her chest. And for being all of five feet four inches, she's still as intimidating as hell.

"Mom…"

"Don't mom me. I hear you're not going to the party in Sunghwa's honor tonight at the Freebird. What the hell is that about? I've raised you to be a lot of things, but never a coward."

"Mom, I’m busy. And who told you about the party?"

"Don’t change the topic!" She falls unceremoniously to the sofa, and you have to wonder if she hadn't just lost her balance. Her sudden rage flickers out into a frown, and she looks on at you in disappointment. You hate that look—thinks that maybe that's the reason she's turned it on to begin with—and moves next to her, putting an arm around her slight shoulders.

"I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, mom," you answer.

"You're lying. I can tell. You’re my daughter." She pokes your nose. "Your nose scrunches up a bit when you lie, just like Momo."

"I'm—"

"Not fine, not happy, and you don't have to pretend for my sake.”

Despite the number of times you’ve had this conversation, you have never gotten used to hearing the truth fall from your mom’s lips. The two of you sit on the sofa, brief silence between you and her, as the sounds of Momo playing in her room echo through the apartment.

"He loves you, you know."

"Who?" You asks almost fearing her answer.

"Sunghwa." Shifting, she pulls away from you and cups your cheek. "And you love him, too. So, don't be stubborn. Go see him."

"I'm over it."

"You weren't years ago. You aren't now, and neither is he. You should have seen his latest interview in Dazed & Confused. It was basically a love letter to you."

Wonderful. So, you weren’t the only person under that impression. You think to ask her what else was said but decides against it. You’re not sure you want to know, quite frankly. What you read was enough. Too much, maybe. And none of it matters.

It’s no surprise that your mom still keep in touch with Sunghwa. What’s surprising is that your mom accepts that you will tell Sunghwa about Momo in your own time.

"You're going," Your mom announces, uncurling herself from you and standing.

"I'm not."

"You are because your daughter loves Sunghwa's music—"

"—only because of your bad influence—"

"—and you'd make her day if you took her. You do want to be known as the coolest mom ever, don't you?"

"I—"

"You do. Come on!" Your mom turns to the corridor. "Momo, love!"

At the sound of Momo's feet, you know that this is game over for you. Your mom makes her announcement—self-satisfied smirk on her lips—and Momo's face lights up brighter than Christmas morning. She shifts from foot to foot, small hands curled up in fists from excitement. Momo wraps her arms tightly around your neck, and you reluctantly squeeze her back, thinking how completely fucked you are.

//

It takes a lot longer to get to The Freebird than is strictly necessary, and for once it's not because you have a toddler in tow. You’re the one making things more difficult than they have to be, pausing every few minutes on the sidewalk and slowing down considerably after Momo begins serenading you with "Drive" from—what you’re told is—Sunghwa' second digital album.

You both do arrive somehow, though it's almost a miracle that you do without having to turn around or stop for a trip to the restroom more than once. Judging from the sound of the music, the party is well underway. And as you glance at your watch, it's no wonder; it's 9:35. You pauses at the door, holding Momo’s hand firmly to keep her from rushing inside.

It's a mistake, and you know that. Nothing good is going to come from this get together; well, nothing but making your daughter ridiculously happy. And that's almost enough to make you press on. Almost. You think that perhaps you could just explain to Momo that you’re not feeling well and maybe she can try to catch Sunghwa another time.

Yes, lying to your child.

"Great parenting," you mutter under your breath.

"Mommy!" Momo growls, looking at you with a very stern expression that so is reminiscent of heer father.

"Alright, alright. Impatient, aren't you?"

Before you can think better of it, you twist the handle and ushers Momo inside. The Freebird is packed with people, and at a quick glance, you recognize most of them. The lighting is dim, but not as low as it would normally be if the bar were open. And the music is lower, too.

No sooner than you help Momo down the two steps to the main floor, you catch sight of vibrant red hair. And then there's Hoody, kneeling to pull Momo into a tight hug. You can't help but smile at the joy on Momo's face; part of you wishes Momo got to see Hoody and Hyuk-woo more often. But it's too difficult—too painful—to visit them more than a few times a year.

They live in a different world from you now.

"How are you, pumpkin?" Hoody asks Momo.

"Very good!" She nods vigorously. "I going to see Gray."

"Are you? That'll be fun."

Hoody looks up at you, question writ on her face—are you alright? And you just shrugs.

Hoody knew about your pregnancy. She urges you to talk to Sunghwa still – however, she came to term that it is up to you to make that decision.

You feel a little better when Hoody stands to embrace you, her arms wrap tightly around your shoulders. You shut your eyes, breathes in her scent. Three months since you’ve last seen her, and it feels like forever.

"I've missed you," Hoody says.

Just as you open your eyes, the same sentiments on your lips, you freezes—mind and heart. Because, between the part of friends and acquaintances is Sunghwa.

Your eyes meet his, and the whole world fades away.

[k-hiphopshit]

Take Care Little Girl (Simon D x Reader)

Request by anon. Enjoy!

You loved Kiseok, from the moment you saw him even when you did not believe in love at first sight somehow you fell in love as soon as your eyes met, you thought he was going to be the man of your life, you loved him and he loved you but sometimes love is not enough.

You quietly packed your stuff, only the sound of the clock and your sniffles were heard around the house... the house full of memories, memories that you cherished and memories that you want to erase forever in your mind, the memories that made you put all your stuff in a few suitcases. Fight after fight, curses followed by petty insults, smashing stuff and closing doors, accusation after denial, tear after tear, all that stuff that broke his and your heart. It was time to face the music, you had to put an end of this even that would hurt you, it would be better for everyone, since you hurt each other every day it won't be much of a difference you thought bitterly.

You waited for him,sat on a stool at the beautiful kitchen you had designed, the kitchen you used to cook meals for both of you, the kitchen that he would make breakfast, the kitchen that you broke so many plates and glasses, yelling from the one side of the table. You turned to the clock and saw the time, he would be there any minute now, your heart started racing, it was like you were going to pass out right there, you felt nauseous and for a second you thought that maybe you should unpack. You shook your head refusing to back down, you had backed down so many other times, not anymore, it was final and it had to happen, this loving relationship became toxic and you had promised to never let anyone make you feel lost or helpless.

As soon as you heard the door open and close your heart went from fast pace to completely still, your breath hitched to your throat and your body suddenly became cold. You knew he saw the suitcases, you could tell by the silence, he usually calls for you. You took deep breaths as you heard his footsteps approach you, when you opened your eyes he stood right in front you, his face showed hurt, you had to hold yourself from breaking down right there.

"Kiseok"

"You are leaving me?"

He sounded so broken, so vulnerable and it made you feel so guilty inside, you could feel a knife going straight to your heart as he started right through you.  A part of him expected this, he just prayed it would never happen, he couldn't help but blamed himself too, he thought he would be the one to protect you, instead he became the root of your pain and he hated himself for it.

"I don't want to, Kiseok we are in pain, we can't be like this"

"I love you, you are my woman"

"And I love you but love is not enough, do you want me to hurt you even more?"

"You never meant it"

He whispered to himself, he knew your Love for him ran deep and he knew that you would do anything for him, that's why you are sacrificing yourself to become the bad guy and end this.

"Let's say you forgive me, can you forgive yourself?... cause I cannot forgive you Kiseok, I just imagine... her"

You couldn't handle it anymore, you broke down in tears, completely collapsed on top of the cold surface and cried. He had cheated, yes it was one time and you thought you could move on, turns out you can't, after that it just went downhill and it mostly was because you could not trust him, everytime he had to practice, every time he went on tour and she was there... you just went crazy and many times you end in a fight over the phone, text, face time, anything. 

You felt his hand your back, you knew he hated when you cried specifically when he was the reason behind those tears. He rubbed your back soothingly, holding back tears himself, he had destroyed you, he felt so ashamed for what he has done, every day of his life after than night, the one woman that he adored he betrayed and traded for someone that had not done half of the stuff you had done for him.

"I love you (y/n), I love you so much"

He whispered in your ear, placing a kiss on your hair. You managed to pull yourself together and wipe away those tears, as you raised your head and looked at him again you reached for his face with your hand.

"I love you too, with all my heart"

You don't know why but you just pulled him closer and placed a soft loving kiss on his lips, the last kiss. As you pulled back you got on your feet and gave him the best smile you could give.

"Be good okay? No drinking and no partying"

"I will, call me if you need anything. Take care little girl"

You turned your back on him and went towards your stuff, grabbing your luggage and opening the door, you looked to his side one more time, as tears ran on your face again.

"Go on, you will regret it if you don't leave"

"I love you Kiseok"

"I love you too but you have to leave, you know I don't like it when I cry in front of you"

Dealing with a break up is already hard, being on the public eye is even harder, it almost feels impossible. People did not know about you and him, which made it even more difficult since you had to put on a smile and perform, give interviews, sign autographs, take pictures like you were not dealing with a bad case of a broken heart. You only found peace at the privacy of your dressing room, your house and the booth, so many touch ups for make up, so many tissues around the house, so many tear stained papers that you could barely make out the words you had written. After the release of your new song "I can't stay" people started to catch on, luckily you and Kiseok had never made public appearances even as friends so people did not suspect him, they jsut knew you were dealing with a very emotional break up.

"Hello and welcome back to our radio station, today we have with us a very special lady, miss (y/n), welcome"

"Thank you, it's been a while"

You said with a fake smile. You dreaded this interview, you begged your publicist to call in sick for you, obvioussly it did not work. You knew they would ask questions abou the song, which you did not know you would react.

"So you have just finished a tour and you came out with a new song right?"

"Yes, it's called I can't stay and it's available on Itunes"

"So I have to ask... why did you write such an emotional song, cause i have to admit I cried when I first heard it"

You took a deep breath and braced yourself for the worst.

"Well... I recently went through a break up and... I was and I still am very conflicted and sad about it"

"May I ask why?"

"I was with that person for a long period of my life, I lived with him and a lot of things happen from both sides and it was happening for a long time now so I just said that I can't stay anymore"

You could feel the tension in the room, the producer could see how you struggled to speak and put sentences together, honestly your eyes were already getting cloudy.

"Do you still talk to him?, cause you sound angry in the song"

"I have not but I do want to keep him in my life cause... i love him and he loves me, we didn't just stop loving each other, but you know... reality is not always good to us"

"Are you on to the next?"

"No, I can't move on yet. I need to deal with it and leave it and then move on to be real happy, I honestly do hope I found someone that will make me as happy as he did cause he did make me happy and he gave me his all and I gave him my all but that kind of dissapeared from the relationship... one second"

Your voice broke as you spoke, you closed your eyes and took a really deep breath, trying so hard to not let those tears spill. It was the first time you ever talked about thiss and it brought all those emotions back, all the pain, all the hurt all the anger, it just hit you right in your heart.

"It's okay, we will stop talking about it now."

"Thank you"

As you got back to your dressing room your phone vibrated, you had a message. You saw his name on the screen and it terrified you, what if he was angry at you for talking about it on air? What if he was hurt for betraying him? You opened the message with shaky hands and saw the screen.

"I'm sorry, I love you too, don't cry for me I want you to smile. Call me when you want, we can go for a beer"

You smiled as the tears hit the screen, it's not fair! you wished you could hate him, you wished he hated you, but no, breaking up while still being in love made it even harder, you wanted to run back to him. You hit reply and started typing

"I would love that, maybe when we get better. I'm sorry too, I love you"

[goeatsomelife]

don’t call me lover | CHRISTIAN YU (DPR IAN)

Gif creds

Warnings: angst, little makeout at the end (PLEASE, SEND ME FLUFF OR SMUT REQUEST, I JUST CAN’T STOP WRITING ANGST)

Pairing: Christian Yu ( DPR Ian) x Reader

Summary: Best friends Christian and Y/N keep breaking up with their partners ones realizing that they were wrong about who they were looking for in the first place

"And her too?" You asked exhaling tiredly, looking into his eyes with furrowed brows. You were wondering honestly why he was ending every relationship so fast? "She was decent, I guess, at least, better than the previous one" you shrugged chuckling a little bit trying to ease an atmosphere between you. Afterward, you realized it could hurt him in this stage. Instead of an answer he just glanced at you with a sad smirk, if you can call it that, and returned his gaze to his fingers, that was nervously picking on his skin, his dark locks hiding his face. At first, you thought it was just an act of sorrow because of his breakup, but you didn't know it was the result of different thoughts in his head.

You sat there in silence. "How it's going on with Nick?" His voice cracked. You were surprised by this question, realizing, that now you finally need to tell him about your own breakup. He was your best friend, you just can't lie to him especially in this situation. 

"Not good. Actually..." You started only to be interrupted by Christian. "You broke up". Again, shock prominent on your face. "h-how do you know?". 

"This asshole graced me with a privilege to know it". 

"Seriously? God. Why is that? You never were close." You demanded answers trying to find Christian eyes. It was strange. "He thinks it's me the reason why you broke up. He kindly let me know about it," he said, brushing his hand through his hair. "What do you think?" 

"I think it's bullshit. He's just an asshole that's it. You're my best friend, and nothing will change it" you said sensing a sudden tension in the air between you. He was still hiding his face, which annoyed you as hell. 

"It will change" his words cut through you like a dagger. "W-what?" Your eyes finally met with his creating a strong connection. Sweat broke through the pores on your palms. 

"He is right" another hit. Now every cell of your body tensed. You couldn't even direct this conversation into a joke. It wasn't funny, even though you were always reacting with jokes in similar situations.

Where is he going with this? He can't just end 6 years of your friendship. You can work this out, your friendship just can't be the cause of all of the break-ups. It's just...unfair. 

"I am the reason of your breakups.You are the reason of my. That’s why it's all happening. I've broken the hearts of so many girls because of you. I thought they are wrong. I thought" he stopped, looking straight into your eyes. His gaze was hard, almost overwhelming. You couldn't say anything, paralyzed by the fear of ending things. 

"Why are you saying this?" You finally found the strength to say something, your voice stuck in your throat. Your lips quivering, trying to block the tears out of streaming from your eyes. 

"Hey" Christian took your hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. His palms warm and rough, only making it even harder. Why is he doing this? His fingers trailed up your hand leaving goosebumps on your skin, his gaze dazed. 

"Stop it" you moved your hand. "Look, just go. If you really think I am the reason all of your stupid girls left you - go ahead. Just wipe out all of the years of our friendship" the bubble just popped. You couldn't stand it anymore. If he wants it, he will get it. Maybe your love life will get better too. Maybe, he is right and it will be better for both of you. In response to your outburst you just heard a rich laugh, that one you love the most. The one laugh that made you feel butterflies in your stomach. He took your wrist to pull you harshly into his embrace, his sweatshirt cladded hands wrapping around you. 

"What the hell?" He just kept holding you and chuckling, making you even angrier. That's all just a joke to him. 

"You are so stubborn and dorky," he said, pulling you back to see your face. It was flushed with red, hair an absolute mess, confusion prominent. His eyes were glistering. He took your face in his palms getting even closer, only inches between your faces. You gulped, confused about this strange behavior. You knew him very well, but now his behavior was absolutely crazy. 

"It's you, all of that time it was you" he chuckled again leaning even closer, his plump wet lips grazed yours. You could just move away but you stayed, savoring the last moment together...or not last? 

"What do you mean?" You just couldn't stand the silence that was tearing you apart. You can feel his breath on your skin. The corner of his mouth raised up, catching your attention. It was only a distraction to connect your lips in a kiss. His lips finally touched yours. Your breath stuck in your throat until you realize you could breathe with your nose. He moved back letting you breathe and calm down, your chest was rising and falling fast, hands shaking. 

"I can't love anyone else. Only because my heart beats for you" he whispered calmly, nibbling your upper lip with his. Your vision blurred in rapture. Without holding your emotions you eagerly climbed on his lap wrapping your hands around him. You squeezed him connecting your lips again with his in a heated kiss, now fully opening for him to discover new horizons of your body. You never allowed it in your relationship and now you fully reunited. Nick actually was right, thanks to him. That's the reason that was behind all of your relationships. And you were never so happy to accept defeat.

[itscoldessence]

JAY PARK SCENARIOS

it’s jay park day!!! feel free to send me any jay park scenarios requests for the special occasion :D

[pastelpastryblog]

I’m tired of this, it’s over 💔 - Woo / Woo Wonjae scenario pt.54 FINAL

8 years later, Matthew and Y/N have a happy marriage and they have a 4 year old son together. Y/N is still a dancer and Choreographer but has recently become a performance director for stages and music videos. Matthew is still in K.A.R.D and also makes his own solo music, produces songs for himself and others. He is also a music video director now. Y/N and Woohyun are still in a dance group together and Woohyun now lives in LA as a Choreographer for Megan Thee Stalion, Arianna Grande, Normani, Doja cat and many more A-listers and is happily in a relationship. Wonjae and Emma are still in a relationship but is thinking of proposing to her very soon. He keeps in contact with Jason sometimes. Emma still works at H1gher as a translator. UK and Gina got married and had their baby son and are also living a happy life. Gina is still a successful jewellery designer and still runs other businesses with her father. UK's restaurant business sky rocketed and now has another one and a cafe. Astrid is still in Sweden. When she first got deported, she committed fraud in Sweden , got arrested and now she is out and is trying her best to live a "normal" life. Jay Park has matured as a person, doesn't entertain groupies anymore and still has a great career. The rest of the AOMG members are still going strong in their musical careers.

The end.

When I first started writing this fanfic back in 2019, it was out of boredom because I was bedridden and sick. I couldn't move and had nothing else to do. I then took a 1 year hiatus due to getting hate on the fanfic. I never knew that this fanfic would become like this. I originally intended it to only have 5 chapters but plans changed lol. I'm so sorry for this rushed ending but I hope you all enjoyed not only the chapter, but the whole fanfic. Thank you all for being with me for these 3 years and for those who are new comers, thank you for supporting me and being with me through the tough times. Now that I'm done with this fanfic, I will be returning the Ph-1 fanfic and I have a few other fanfics brewing for you all. Once again, thank you all so so much for the support, see you next upload! 💕💖

Prev

[lastarabesque]

clueless: 3/4

previous next

a pH-1 bestfriends to lovers text au

[write-this-way-please]

Moments

Those of you that have been following me for a while, know how close this prompt is to me. To the requester I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope this is able to comfort any that read it. Not gonna lie this too a lot out of me emotionally and I broke down crying in public while writing it… But I think it also helped me. And today (4/25) happens to be the anniversary of my dad’s death so I think I needed this to cope....

Moments

Kiseok chuckled seeing you wandering back and forth through the office. “Baby relax” he grinned, grabbing your hand trying to slow you down. You’d always been so busy. Never resting for a moment. But that was how you liked it, you hated sitting idle. There was always something to do and you were going to find it.

“Oppa I can’t” you smiled as he tugged you onto his lap. “I have a bunch of phone calls to make” Life at the AOMG office was pretty busy as it was and on top of the tour Jay was planning so much needed to be done. The crew was getting bigger, the company was expanding, new deals were met and you were taking it all head on.

He kissed your wrist, taking your phone from your hand. “Slow it down. Don’t let life get away from you.”

“Then hire more people and give me a break” you laughed, hitting his chest, kissing his lips softly. “And stop distracting me from work”

“Hey now. I’m your Boss. I am your work” he wrapped his arms comfortably around your waist, kissing you back.

You smiled pulling back as your phone rang. “Mmm I gotta get that. That’s the manager from Taiwan.”

“Noooo” he whined against your ear. “Let it ring”

“I gotta work” you laughed pulling out of his grip and answering your phone. “Hello? This is she.” you wedged your phone against your shoulder and ear while jotting down notes and retreating to your office.

Kiseok laughed, watching you scurry away, your business no-nonsense tone echoing through the hall. His eyes softened looking at the photo of the two of you on his desk. You were always so put together. But even he noticed that you were overcompensating. You worked too hard, kept yourself too busy.

He tried not to relate everything to your father’s death, but it was part of who you were. Part of your past. It hadn’t even been that long, but it felt like you were almost doing too well.

He’d never lost a parent before so it’s hard to tell how one is supposed to grieve. But something felt off. The years before he’d notice a dip in your mood around the anniversary that you lost him, but this year you’d been at a high.  

It was almost unnerving. But he’d let you feel what you needed to when you needed to.

It was almost out of nowhere when it finally hit.

Tablo and Haru had spent the day at the studio, and Kiseok hadn’t seen you smile so brightly. Haru visiting was the only thing that could pull you out of your office. You absolutely loved that girl. You loved children in general, but you were so tender with Haru. Rather it was a maternal instinct or simply being charmed by the girl you were the happiest you’d been in months.

But after the two had left Kiseok noticed the pained look in your eyes. “Hey…. you ok?” he reached out to touch your arm but you’d retreated, hugging yourself. You forced a smile, trying to push out the sadness, but it only made you look so broken.

“I’m o-k…” but your voice cracked and the tears finally fell.

“Hey…” his voice was calm as he pulled you into his arms. “What’s wrong? Talk to me...”

Talk.

The one thing you haven’t done.

The one thing you refused to do.

Because no matter how much you vented, how much you grieved it would change nothing.

Burying your face in his chest you finally broke. All you could do was cry. You didn’t even really understand it yourself but it just made you so sad. You loved Tablo and Haru more than anything. Their relationship was beautiful, she smiled and held on to her father the way you once did. And maybe that why it affected you so much? It was hard to explain being jealous.

It almost didn’t make sense.

It warmed your heart to see little girls with their fathers. It was like you were reliving your childhood just watching them but afterward, you just felt this huge emptiness. It was like you were reliving the moment you lost your father all over again, while simultaneously basking in all the good memories, and grieving over the lost future. It was like being over stimulated with everything that you’d just compartmentalized to live.

There was no way to explain it to Kiseok. How do you explain being jealous of a five-year-old? It was selfish and silly almost. Everyone deserved to have their dad in their life and as much as you loved seeing Haru with Tablo, you envied her.

You envied her innocence and you were so thankful that she didn’t know your pain. Because it wasn’t a pain you’d put on anyone.

Kiseok continued to rub your back as your sobs slowly subsided. Outside of the funeral itself, this was the most open he’d ever seen you and he hated feeling helpless. How was he supposed to make this better? How was he supposed to make you better?

Desperately gripping onto his shirt you looked up at him, choking back a sob. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Shhh….There’s nothing wrong with you.” he kissed the top of your head.

“I miss my dad so much Kiseok….”

“I know Jagi...I know….It’s gonna be alright.” he tightened his grip around you, desperately wanting to do anything in his power just to make you feel safe again. But even he knew it was better for you to just feel. Feel anything and everything your body needed you to, because repressing everything was going to break you.

Eventually, the tears stopped, the heaves turned into sniffles, and soon enough you tired yourself out. Your body just shut down to try and heal your heart. Kiseok looked down at you, stroking your hair as you slept on the couch.

There were no words to heal the pain in your heart. But what he could do was be there for you. Whenever you were ready to face this head on he’d be there. But he couldn’t push it, you needed to be the one that was ready.

You kissed his hand, gripping it tightly, thankful that you weren’t alone in this.

End

I guess I did this as a fluff leading to an angst. It doesn’t feel right to try and pretend that it can be a fluff at the end. 

I wanted to illustrate hope instead. This was and still is how I grieve. Never wanting a moment to stop working and being sad. I just needed to do something and I never allowed myself to feel because if I let in one feeling it was like opening a floodgate and I would just be a mess on the ground. Relapsing in every sense of the word. 

[seoulessnights]

easy for you

2 years. 

Two long years had passed since Chang Joong’s disappearance, and you were finally starting to move on with your life. The first year was the hardest. No one, not even Siyoung or Jihoon could tell you where Chang Joong went, and it was unclear if even they knew of his whereabouts. Siyoung, worried about your crumbling state, visited you often during this first year. He would drop by your place after work to share a beer or two, as he updated you on the rest of the guys. You were close to the entire IMJM crew, but after Chang Joong’s disappearance, you couldn’t bring yourself to visiting their studio - a studio where Chang Joong’s absence felt all the more real. The second year was…easier, if speaking in relative terms. You immersed yourself in your work and slowly built your life back to the point where Siyoung could go on extended tours without constantly worrying about your state.

And now this.

You appreciated Siyoung’s gesture, but you had declined his previous offers of introducing you to other people. It felt wrong. To you, your relationship never ended, but rather put on hold, as if waiting for someone to press the “resume” button in the near future. But you waited enough, Siyoung insisted. You shouldn’t feel guilty about trying to meet other people. So after Siyoung’s incessant offers, you finally gave in. You were pleasantly surprised by Siyoung’s taste in prospective men for you. Your date, Harry, was a rapper who recently moved from the States, and the two of you got along quite swimmingly after initially bonding over your respective dogs. As the two of you continued to chat excitingly, oohing and aahing over pictures of dogs, a figure towards the back of the restaurant caught your eye. The dark figure had a baseball cap pulled over his face, but you could recognize him in a heartbeat. A shaky breath escaped your throat. The dark figure quickly noticed you noticing him. Your eyes met midair for a brief second. His sharp, black eyes sent shivers down your body. And then the spell broke. The second passed, and the dark figure rushed out of the restaurant. You immediately stood up from your chair to follow him. 

“Y/N?”

Harry grabbed your hand, looking at you with his big, concerned eyes. “Are you okay?”

Were you okay? It was such a simple question, but you didn’t know how to answer. There were so many thoughts crossing your mind, but one thing was for sure - you couldn’t let him disappear from your sight a second time.

“Harry, I’m really sorry.” You grabbed your purse and jacket, running out of the restaurant, leaving behind a confused, wide-eyed Harry. You felt bad for him, as you two truly were getting along so well. Maybe one day you could reach out again and at least remain as friends. But that was the least of your worries at the moment. Your head was spinning, but you kept running. Running after the dark-coated figure with the baseball cap. Tears filled your eyes. This is so harsh, you thought to yourself. You had tried to find Chang Joong for the past two years, and when you finally did, here you were, still running after him, trying not to lose him from your sight. This chase seemed to be a cruel but symbolic rendering of your life for the past two years. A play or a performance, only you were the tragic main character pining after the elusive lover. You always were. As if checking if you were still behind him, Chang Joong turned back and caught a glimpse of you, running after him breathlessly. His heart ached at seeing you like this, and his run slowed to a halt. 

“Y/N,” As your name trickled from his lips, your eyes stung with tears. It was so unfair. You were still completely under his grasp. You crumbled just from hearing his voice. “Who are you to appear like this? Out of the blue and completely overturn my life?!”

You broke down, as you pounded at his chest. As you neared him, a familiar scent immediately enveloped you, and you were overwhelmed by his presence. His voice, his scent...

“Y/N.. I’m not trying…”

“You are so fucking selfish, Chang Joong. You didn’t show your face not once for the past two years, and now that I am finally coping with what happened, finally trying to move on, you fucking show up out of nowhere? Am I a fucking joke to you?”

“Y/N…please listen to me”

Chang Joong hesitantly reached for your face, but you immediately cowered from his touch.

“No, Chang Joong. I can’t. I can’t even look at you. It’s too painful”

You’ve dreamt this moment over a thousand times for the past two years. You drew out different scenarios in your head of what to say, what to ask, when you finally got to see him again. But you were surprised at the amount of anger and resentment you had harbored towards him, that was bubbling within you for the past two years. Hearing his voice, being in his presence… it was all too much. You felt nauseous. 

“Y/N…”

“…you’re a piece of shit” you whispered, as you wiped your tears. Maybe chasing him was a mistake. You thought you had been doing well without him, but standing in front of him completely broke you down. You didn’t know how the past two years were for him, but they definitely weren’t easy for you. 

author’s note: why is pH-1 always the clueless, innocent boy left behind by all my characters when they find their true love??? skjfklwjelwq idk i’m sorry harry :’))

[kpop-uni]

Through the Lens // Four

Christian YuxYoutuber!Reader Words: 3K A/N: Okay, let’s get back into the mojo of finishing this chapter before I completely lose hope and go into another writer’s block! Sorry for the long wait, I hope you guys still enjoy~

Chapter Three // Chapter Five

You woke up to the sun hitting your face, a small shift under your arm made you move it away, Lori sitting up and scratching her neck, jumping off the bed. You sat up, squinting from the sun and rubbing your eyes to get the sleep out, yawning one last time.

You groaned a bit, looking around the room, getting up from the bed, making your way out. You shivered from the cold as you stood in the empty kitchen, the only sound was from Lori munching on her food. The folded paper on the counter caught your eye, picking it up and opening it.

Went to the studio for my laptop, be back soon -Ian

You smiled a bit, folding the note back up and slipping it into your back pocket, following the small sound of Lori's collar as she walked to the living room. You took a few steps toward it before Lori came bounding back, tail wagging and panting toward the front door.

"Hey, Rome?"

You looked at the door where Dabin walked in, Scott right after him. You smiled immediately, Lori rushing over to greet them.

"Hey, what brings you here?" Dabin asked, crouching to get Lori before walking over to the fridge, checking in and scrunching his nose when he couldn't find anything good to eat.

"I came over last night to play with Lori and I guess I ended up crashing on Ian's bed," You covered your mouth as you yawned, stretching your arms over your head. "Can I have a ride back to my hotel though? I want to shower and get everything ready for my vlog..."

"We're finally getting an update? Those IG comments have been asking for it like crazy." Scott teased you, making you roll your eyes and smile.

"Give me my phone, you idiot." You laughed, taking your phone back from Scott. You said your goodbyes with Dabin, Scott staying behind with Lori to wait for Christian.

"How was your night?" You asked once inside your room, Dabin immediately crawling on your bed and sighing as he gets comfortable, snuggling into the blanket.

"Wild, Scott said I wouldn't let some girl go until she distracted me at the bar with more drinks," He laughed a bit, small memories of it coming back.

You couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up, shaking your head. You took a seat on your chair, opening your laptop and connecting your phone to it. You waited a bit until everything synced, smiling at Dabin's snores when you began organizing the videos into the correct folders.

You began editing your vlog, going through each video and trimming them, adding filters when necessary and most importantly, making sure the video flowed smoothly. You reached the video at the small store with Christian, fixing your earbuds to listen to your laughter and the conversation.

You replayed the video twice, taking in a breath when you saw Christian's smile. You felt butterflies creep up, trying to ignore them as you went through other videos, reaching another video of the two of you.

You were in his studio, filming yourself with Christian in the background. Only half of your face showed, Christian mostly being the center of the video as he played on his phone. You cleared your throat, Christian looking up at you briefly before looking at the camera. You laughed and pulled away when he quickly moved toward, the two of you fighting for your camera until he took it, getting a closeup of you covering your face.

You looked through the videos from the party the night before, smiling at a few before getting to the video of you dancing with Hyuk. You laughed at the faces Hyuk made, trying to move his hips along with yours, laughing a bit when you twirled, moving closer. You added a small clip of it to the vlog, moving to the other of you and Christian.

You could hear Scott talking to someone, not even paying attention to what he was recording. But there you were, hands clinging to Christian, his hands dangerously low on your hips, eyes scanning the party as he whispered in your ear.

You shivered, remembering what he said and feeling the butterflies erupt in your stomach once again. It was then when Christian spun you, the two of you laughing that you leaned closer to your screen. You watched as you both teased each other, going in for the kiss. You pulled back at the kiss, definitely not remembering that as you went back a few seconds, re-watching it to make sure you weren't seeing things. The kiss lasted no more than two seconds until Scott moved forward, that you looked over at the camera. You let go of Christian's hand and hugged Scott, the camera pinning to the two of you.

You furrowed your eyebrows at the way Christian's face turned serious, ignoring the two of you and grabbing both glasses he set aside. You didn't want to jump to conclusions about what it could've meant, shaking your head.

"He's not jealous... no way..." You whispered to yourself, going back to editing the video. "We were just drunk, there's no way he could like me."

You sat back on your chair when you added the video with the rest, thinking about the feelings you had. You sighed, rubbing your temples to clear your head of any thoughts focusing on finishing the vlog.

You looked over at Dabin as he muttered something, waiting for him to settle down before he shifted a bit. You took your phone and started recording him, waiting for him to talk. You were about to stop the recording, giving up on hearing him talk again before he sat up, staring out the window.

"Dabin?" You asked, the phone still aimed at him before he fell back with a thump. You giggled after stopping the video, adding it into the vlog.

Once you double checked everything, making sure you didn't forget any links, details or videos, you began uploading it. You turned at the shuffling from your bed, Dabin awake and looking around.

"I'm bringing food," He announced, getting up. You smiled at him, watching him leave before turning back to your laptop, you began organizing the first video of the series. You were about to click the first video when one of Christian caught your eye, clicking on it. You had filmed him as he worked, making a note that you were going to speed the video up.

You silently watched the video until it ended, your eyes going to your phone. You pressed it to your ear, hearing the ringing as you made a call, wanting to confirm what you began feeling. You let out a breath when you heard an answer, gulping.

"Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone solely because of the way they look in front of a camera?"

Christian walked into his home, laptop under one arm, both hands holding bags with a few groceries. He looked around, hearing Lori's collar as she ran from the living room to Christian. Christian gently pet her, walking to the living room to be met with not you, but Scott.

"Hey, where's y/n?"

Scott looked up from his phone, humming. "She went with Dabin to upload her vlog,"

Christian nodded, setting the groceries down on his counter. He picked up Lori, holding her as he took a seat on the couch, biting his lip. He wanted to be open with Scott, tell him exactly how he's feeling toward you and get all the facts straight.

"You okay?" Christian looked up at his friend, gulping a little before clearing his throat.

"I think I fell for someone..."

Scott's eyes widened, all his attention going to Christian. "Wait... it's not that girl that was obsessed with you, right?"

"What? No!" Christian shook his head, sighing. "It's another girl, it happened so quick that I don't know if she even likes me back,"

"She has to be special if you suddenly fell for her so quick-"

"I don't know man, she's just perfect in every aspect." Christian kept his head down, eyes looking at Lori who slept on his lap. "I mean, I know there have been other girls but her..." Christian looked up at his best friend, shaking his head, almost as if trying to find the words to describe her perfectly. "She's different like she's just filled with kindness it's almost unbelievable that she has not one mean bone in her body,"

Scott hummed, nodding along as he listened to Christian go on about this girl, finally sighing. "I say go for it, I mean, when are you going to meet another girl like that? If she's everything you want, get her."

Christian nodded, furrowing his eyebrows as he thought about what Scott said, agreeing with him. But the hesitation came in when Christian remembered one crucial thing, frowning. "There's another guy though..."

Scott tried to think of all the friends Christian had, trying to pinpoint who was against Christian in getting this girl. "He never said he likes her but they just vibe so good and they're always talking... it's just obvious."

Scott shook his head, fixing his posture in his chair. "I say you either tell her how you feel or get a new girl because if she likes the other guy, it's over for you." Christian didn't answer, only thinking about what Scott said. "Plus if your friend never said that he likes her, maybe they just click? I'd go for it and snatch this girl from right under him before he could do anything about it."

Christian nodded, staying in his spot for a bit longer before he picked Lori up, shushing her soft bark as he went to lay her on his bed. Scott took his phone out when it vibrated answering your call, smiling as he stood up and walked toward the kitchen, looking through Christian's fridge. "What's up?"

"Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone solely because of the way they look in front of a camera?"

Scott hummed, thinking about what you said. "I guess? Why?"

You sighed, throwing yourself back on your hotel bed, groaning. "I think I fell in love with someone..."

Scott never thought about putting two situations in the same category, never thinking that in fact, you were the one who Christian was talking about. He never even said your name and how was Scott supposed to know? Plus, you were filming so many people a day, the gang, their friends, who would've known it was Christian that you fell in love with?

"Go for it!" Scott egged you on, making you sit up on your bed.

"You think so?" You asked, biting your knuckle, unsure.

"Go for it! Anyone would be lucky to date you, and what do you have to lose?"

Christian walked to the kitchen, eyes landing on Scott as he grinned at the call, looking up at Christian who gave Scott a curious look. Scott covering the phone, whispering your name as you spoke to him, unsure if you should.

"Do I have to repeat it?" Scott laughed a bit at your whine. "Hell, I would be happy to date you,"

Christian stared at Scott as he moved to go to the back balcony, stepping out and having some privacy with you. Christian gulped down the anger, glaring at Scott's back, holding in the urge to punch his best friend.

"Hey, I'm going down to the studio to get some last-minute productions in, you coming?" Scott walked back inside, pocketing his phone, his movements slow as he watched Christian. He stood with hands clenched, jaw tense and looking like he was ready to start a fight. "What's up?"

Christian shook his head, walking away annoyed and beyond furious. Scott left without another word, slightly worried but leaving Christian alone to cool off.

Dabin returned to your room with food, the two of you eating and talking when Dabin's phone rang. You waited as he talked, hanging up before finished his food. "Scott is going to the studio to just finish up last minute. Consider this your day off," You smiled at Dabin, finishing your food before standing.

"Can you give me a ride to Ian's place?"

You had made up your mind, you were going to tell Christian that you liked him, knowing it was too soon to tell him how you fell for him, but he had to at least return your feelings with what happened last night. You fidgeted with your fingers, Dabin noticing but stayed silent, knowing that you and Christian had a thing for each other.

You thanked Dabin as you got off, rushing up the steps and knocking, hearing Lori barking. You smiled, bending down to hear her better. The opening of the door made you stand, giving Christian a bright smile.

"Hey, sorry for leaving earlier-"

"What do you want?" Christian leaned on the threshold, blocking Lori's path to get to you, ignoring her barking.

You blinked at the harsh tone, suddenly losing your train of thought. "I just wanted to apologize... maybe see if you wanted to hang out-"

"I'm busy today, I'm expecting someone." You took in how careless Christian looked, not to mention how angry he seemed.

"Ian... did I do something to upset you?" You whispered, Christian, staying quiet. "I'm sorry if I did, I probably didn't mean it..." You quickly tried to think before a car pulling up made you turn. Your eyes widened as a girl got out, hair long and falling down her back. She was tall, flipping her hair back as she hung her designer bag over her shoulder.

You turned back to Christian who watched you. "If this is about last night I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

"Hey," The girl's voice made you immediately look down, hands shaking.

"Did you need anything else, y/n?" Christian asked, watching as you just shook your head, leaving without another word.

You tried to keep it together, trying to not freak out in front of Christian as you rushed away. The moment you rounded the corner, you let out a breath, chest tightening as you wheezed for air, hands shaking. You tried holding your phone, calling Scott but not getting an answer before calling Gyungmo. You tried to breathe, eyes closed as his voice rang in your ears.

"I'm by Ian's... please come pick me up," You wheezed, Gyungmo immediately rushing out of his studio, staying on the phone with you as he drove to you. The car skidded to a stop, Gyungmo rushing to you and helping you breathe.

"What happened?" Gyungmo turned to you once you sat in the car.

"I didn't know Ian had a girlfriend! How was I supposed to know? With the way were last night, of course, I wouldn't have known! And with the kiss-"

"Okay, calm down, what are you talking about?" Gyungmo reached over to wrap an arm around you, shushing you as you cried.

"It was my fault, I thought this was double-sided and I guess with last night I just let my feelings get the best of me-"

"Hold on, you kissed Christian?" Gyungmo interrupted you, finally getting that.

"He has a girlfriend!" You cried, burying your face in your hands.

"No, he doesn't, Rome isn't dating anyone,"

You sniffled, lifting your face to process what Gyungmo said. Gyungmo watched as you faced him, pointing at yourself. "So... I'm the problem?" You whispered, sitting back on the seat.

"I don't think you are-"

"Can you drop me off at my hotel?" You asked, drying your eyes. Gyungmo nodded silently, turning back to the wheel and driving you back to the hotel.

"Thank you," You gave Gyungmo a small smile, unbuckling yourself.

"Call me if you need anything, even if it's stupid, okay?" Gyungmo returned your smile, making sure you went inside your hotel fine before driving off.

You closed your room door behind you, leaning on the door as you stared at the floor, sliding down until you curled into yourself, hiding your face to freely cry.

You didn't show up the following day to record the guys, instead, staying in and fixing up the second half of the series. You watched through videos, editing them as you stayed seated in your chair. The sound of a text coming in made you sigh, reading it.

Scott 3:27 PM: We're going to get food, wanna come by?

You stared at the text, wondering if you should or shouldn't, before replying back, asking for the address of the place. You pocketed your phone and simply pulling on a hoodie and your running shoes, leaving once getting the address.

You walked into the semi-busy restaurant, right away spotting Scott who waved you over. You walked over, your steps slowing as you noticed Christian sitting with the girl from the previous day. She sat eating, leaning into Christian as his arm was around her shoulders, only briefly looking up at you.

Scott moved over, letting you slide in next to him as he offered his plate, making you shake your head as you reached for the menu Gyungmo offered. You looked through in, occasionally sneaking glances at Christian, looking away when he shifted, too afraid that he might notice.

Cline had spoken up, talking about whatever the conversation was before you joined in before you looked over at Christian. You watched as the girl looked up at him, his lips moving as he lowly said something to her. She smiled, only leaning up a bit to press her lips to his jaw. You set your menu down, rather roughly which made the table quiet, all of them looking at you.

"I'm sorry... I forgot... I had... I’m sorry," You ignored Scott's attempt to hold your arm, ignoring Scott's question on if you were fine. Christian looked up as you rushed out of the place, only passing by as you bit your lip, trying your best to hold in the tears.

Tag List: @mara-twins​ // @derya-t​