#kaz said i can get you a meeting take it or leave it and so true of him

[titsthedamnseason]

SO MANY CRAZY THINGS ARE HAPPEN I CANT KEEP UP NEITHER MY POSTS

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (Part 5) - Kaz Brekker x reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 7.8k notes: please let me know what you think <3 @millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649

He saw her stop in the middle of the room, peek outside, and gesture for him to come up. His heart raced as he climbed the stairs, his mind a swirl of alcohol-fueled thoughts and emotions.

The lights in her apartment were soft, incense was burning, and low music was playing. “What do you want?” she asked, crossing her arms. Her tone was challenging, yet familiar.

Kaz looked around, his eyes stopping on the open luggage on her floor. “Are you going somewhere?” he asked, trying to focus on something mundane to steady himself.

“Yeah, a week away with a client, in two days.” Kaz thought that at least they wouldn't risk running into each other when Inej was there. He tried to feel relieved, but the feeling eluded him.

“Lawyer again?” he asked, forcing a casual tone.

“Surgeon,” she smirked.

He chuckled, nodding. The tension between them was palpable, and he struggled to find the right words. “Inej is coming, and you are panicking,” she stated, sitting on the bed and moving her book away to make space for him.

“Yes,” he sighed, sitting next to her, the familiar comfort of her presence not quite soothing his nerves.

“You're going to be good, Kaz. Don't worry.” She reached out, placing a reassuring hand on his arm.

He glanced at her book, desperate to change the subject. “What are you reading?” he asked, gesturing to it.

“Fairy porn,” she said seriously, meeting his eyes with a deadpan expression.

“Is there a moment in your life when you're not thinking about sex?” he asked, half-amused, half-exasperated.

“No,” she replied with a grin.

He hummed, leaning back against the pillows. The soft lighting and soothing incense did little to ease the turmoil in his mind. “I'm sorry for the other day,” he said, the guilt gnawing at him.

“I am too,” she replied, her voice carrying a hint of regret. She shifted slightly on the bed, her fingers tracing invisible patterns on the blanket.

Kaz looked down at his hands, the memory of their last encounter vivid in his mind. “I hate your nails,” he muttered, a weak attempt at humor to mask his discomfort. He couldn't shake the feeling of inadequacy that had settled over him.

“I know,” she said, a small smile playing on her lips. She glanced at him, her eyes softening. In such a short time she managed to know him well enough to see through his facade, to recognize the vulnerability he tried so hard to hide.

Kaz closed his eyes, the euphoric rush of the alcohol leaving him sleepy. Inej would arrive in less than 10 hours, and he was far from home. “You never told me what piercing you got,” he mumbled, making himself comfortable between the pillows.

She snorted. “My nipples. Wanna see?”

He laughed, more a growl than a laugh. “Of course you did.”

“Kaz, answer me,” she sing-songed, getting closer.

“Actually, I want to see them,” he said, forcing his eyes open. Curiosity and a strange sense of defiance stirred within him.

She smiled, lifting her shirt. He had never seen her completely without a bra, never seen a pair of breasts in front of his eyes, to be precise. “Did it hurt?” he managed to say, finding that he couldn't look away.

“A lot.”

Kaz hummed and poked one of her breasts with his finger. “Soft,” he mumbled, his voice a mix of awe and embarrassment.

She burst out laughing, pulling down her shirt. “Baby, I know that you're drunk, but please remember to never, and I say never, poke your girlfriend’s tits with your finger.”

He chuckled, flushing. “What should I do with them?” he asked, poking her again.

“You should touch them above her shirt, like squeezing a bit. You can kiss them, you have to, trust me. Oh I could talk about them all night.  Bite them if she likes, play with her nipples, use your fingers, your tongue, your teeth—”

“I can't,” he said, frowning, his eyes closed again. He felt overwhelmed by the flood of information and the surrealness of the situation.

“You'll get there.”

“No, I mean, your piercings must still hurt. I can't play with them. I'd really like to, though.” The honesty slipped out before he could stop it.

She held her breath. “Kaz, we were talking about your girlfriend.”

"Right, right, no problems then. I should go now." He tried to sit up, but his body felt heavy and uncooperative. His limbs felt like they were made of lead, weighed down by the alcohol and the intense emotions of the evening.

"Kaz, you're drunk. You can't drive. Can I call you a taxi?" she asked, her voice softening slightly with concern.

"Can you drive me back?" he mumbled, trying to muster enough strength to move.

"My license is suspended," she admitted, looking away for a moment.

"Why?" he asked, genuinely curious despite his inebriated state.

"They caught me drinking and driving a few times," she replied nonchalantly, as if it were no big deal.

"Bad girl. Inej would never," he said, a mix of disapproval and envy in his voice. He couldn't help but compare the two women, his thoughts a tangled mess of guilt and desire.

"I'm sure she wouldn't," she said with a small, almost sad smile.

She studied Kaz getting sleepier and sleepier. “Kaz, if you want to stay here, just ask.”

“Can I stay here?” he said without hesitation, the need for comfort overriding his better judgment.

“Yes. Do you need a hand to undress?”

He shook his head, determined, his long fingers stumbling across his buttons. “Maybe I do.”

She got closer, helping him out of his clothes until he was in his underwear and shirt.

They lay next to each other. He couldn't keep his eyes open, but he pulled her closer leaving some space between them. “You're really handsome, do you know that?” she said, tracing his nose.

He smiled into the pillow. “You're not bad too.”

She smiled. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

“Wait, can I get a kiss?” he pleaded.

She sighed dramatically, planting a delicate kiss on his cheek. “Did you become shy?” he asked with a cocky smile, eyes still closed.

She chuckled, leaning in again and kissing the corner of his lips. “Such a tease,” he murmured.

“Show me what you want, Kaz,” she whispered back. Without looking, he reached for her, kissing her lips with an intensity neither of them expected.

“I won't stop you,” she murmured against his lips.

“I'm drunk,” he said, as if it justified him in some way.

“I don't care.”

“I don't believe it,” he leaned in to kiss her again.

“You paid for having me. I will have you, Kaz, right now.”

“I can't even think straight.”

“I'm not Inej, love. I won't hesitate.” That made him stop and curse under his breath. The name of his girlfriend snapped him back to reality, and he let her go.

Kaz woke up with his head pounding from the alcohol, the shame about how he behaved the night before, and nervousness for Inej's arrival. His girlfriend was arriving, and he was in another woman's bed. He had to get a grip on things again.

She was sleeping beside him. She always looked a bit sad when she was sleeping. He shifted position, trying not to wake her, but he failed miserably. She opened her eyes abruptly, “Kaz! Are you trying to stick your dick in my ass without warning or something?” she said, annoyed, squirming away from him and closing her eyes again.

He sighed, asking himself why she was always so direct and vulgar. “Wake up, I have to go,” Kaz felt so guilty toward Inej he needed to leave as soon as possible.

“Breakfast?” she asked with her eyes closed.

“Fine,” he conceded. It would be rude to say no, right?

She slowly got up, stretching a bit. “What do you want? I have coffee and weird things.”

“Whatever you're having is fine,” he started to get dressed. “Are you sure?” she grinned sleepily.

“Yeah.”

She left the room and came back with two cups of coffee and two large glasses of water. They both sat on the bed, balancing them on the nightstand. Then she proceeded to align pills: “Iron, Vitamins, Hair supplements, collagen.” She slid two of each, one toward him and one toward her. “Birth control for me, aspirin for you,” she completed, satisfied.

Kaz raised his brows, concern etching deeper lines on his already tired face. “This is your breakfast?” he asked, disbelief evident in his tone.

She nodded, unfazed, and started to pop pills into her mouth one by one. Kaz watched her, his skepticism growing. “Have you ever tried, I don't know, to eat real food?” he pressed, taking only the aspirin she had handed him.

She shrugged nonchalantly, taking the last pill with a sip of water. Kaz frowned, his concern mounting. He knew her lifestyle was far from conventional, but this was a new level of worry for him. “You can't keep living like this,” he muttered, more to himself than to her.

She met his gaze, her expression indifferent. “I’m fine, Kaz. This is what works for me.”

He shook his head, frustration mingling with his concern. “But it’s not healthy. You need proper nutrition, not just supplements.”

She rolled her eyes, clearly tired of the conversation. “I get what I need. Don’t worry about me.”

Kaz sighed, feeling helpless. He couldn’t shake the image of her popping pills like candy, the empty routines she was trapped in. He wanted to help, but he didn’t know how. “You deserve better than this,” he said softly, more to himself than to her.

She smirked, brushing off his words. “I deserve whatever I can get, Kaz. Don’t make this into something it’s not. I am not your problem.”

He fell silent, the weight of their complicated relationship pressing down on him. He wanted to argue, to tell her she was worth more, but he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. So, he simply nodded, his heart heavy with unspoken concerns.

 “I saw Inej's last post.” y/n quickly changed topic, “She's so fucking flexible, I almost envy you,” she said, sipping the coffee. “We would make so much money working together,” she blurted out, before covering her mouth with her hand and widening her eyes. “Fuck, that's a terrible thing to say, given her history. Don't tell her I said it.”

Kaz openly laughed. “Sure, because I usually tell her everything you say to me.”

“No, right,” she chuckled.

Kaz was about to leave when his eyes lingered on her. “Enjoy this time, Kaz. You're going to be great,” she encouraged him, and he felt a bit better.

“Enjoy your trip,” he said back before leaving.

The moment Kaz spotted Inej in the harbor, all of his doubts and confusion shattered. There she was, beautiful as ever in her blue flowy dress, smiling brightly at him. His heart ached with the realization of how much he had missed her. He hugged her tightly, inhaling deeply her familiar scent, pressing a kiss into her hair. “What happened to you?” Inej asked with wide eyes, pulling back to look at him.

“I missed you,” he shrugged, trying to downplay the intensity of his feelings. He felt a mix of relief and guilt, knowing that he had been seeking solace elsewhere just hours before.

They got in the car, and Inej started fidgeting with the music. “Who did you let in this car?” she laughed, “What's with all this Taylor Swift?”

Kaz shook his head, trying to keep y/n out of his mind. “Probably Nina,” he raised his shoulders, trying to sound nonchalant. He stopped at a traffic light, and absentmindedly placed his hand on her thigh. 

“What are you doing?” Inej shoved his hand away with a laugh, breaking the momentary connection he was trying to establish. Kaz hoped that his disappointment wasn’t written all over his face.

They spent the day running errands around the city, the normalcy of it all a stark contrast to the chaos in his mind. By the time they collapsed on his couch, he was exhausted. Inej pulled a small toy from between the cushions, the same one y/n had found in the Happy Meal. Kaz realized in that moment how present y/n was becoming in his life, even in small, unnoticed ways.

“What's this?” she asked curiously, holding up the toy.

“I got a Happy Meal some time ago,” he tried to sound casual, but his mind raced with the implications.

“What are you, four? I can’t leave you alone for a second,” Inej nestled against his shoulder, her warmth a comfort. Kaz thought about how true her words were, how much he shouldn’t be left alone.

Inej turned on the TV, and Kaz just opened his mouth to suggest a show, but she cut him off. “We are not watching your crime show, it’s boring.”

Kaz rolled his eyes, sighing as he leaned into her. The familiar routine was soothing, yet his mind kept drifting back to the previous night. He felt a pang of guilt and worry, knowing he was hiding so much from Inej.

Inej noticed how tired he was and suggested, “You can go to bed if you want to sleep.”

“We could share the bed if you want,” he said softly, the words slipping out before he could overthink them.

“Are you sure? It won’t bother you?” she asked, her concern genuine.

“I’ll survive,” he said with a cocky grin, trying to mask his nervousness. They settled into bed, closer than they had ever been. Kaz wanted to kiss her, but he thought that they had seven long days ahead of them. It could wait.

When he woke up, he felt disoriented. The familiar scent of cherries was missing, and it took him a minute to adjust his thoughts to the situation. Inej was already up; he heard noise in the kitchen. “Morning,” he whispered in her ear, kissing her head.

She was shorter than y/n, he thought, the comparison unbidden and unwelcome. 

Inej hummed happily, making breakfast. They ate, chatting about the news. At a certain point, a sequence of messages made Kaz's phone vibrate incessantly. Kaz frowned, seeing Jesper's name in the notifications. He forwarded Kaz a link to the Ketterdam Daily.

“Four girls arrested in the middle of the night: young illegal sex workers caught in an unsuspecting neighborhood.”

Kaz's stomach sank as he rapidly read through the article, catching snippets like “constant noise,” “men coming and going,” “large quantity of cash found in the house.” At the end, there was a picture of the arrest. Three girls were in the background, but the focus was on y/n. She was in panties and a bra, with 50 kruge hanging out of it, leaning toward the camera, giving a good look at her cleavage. A policeman was taking her hands behind her back to put her in handcuffs, and she was sticking her tongue out, grinning like a fool. They blurred her eyes to protect her identity, but it was unmistakably her. And she looked like a movie star.

For a good instant, Kaz stared at the picture, amused by her carelessness. He couldn’t help but marvel at her audacity. Here she was, in a situation that would have most people feeling terrified and humiliated, yet she treated it like a game. That grin, that defiance in her eyes—she was a force of nature, untamed and unpredictable. Then, concern crept in. It was 10:03; her plane was supposed to leave in 10 minutes. Kaz got up, going outside to call her, while Inej called for him, not understanding what was happening. She didn't pick up, maybe she was still in jail. The most selfish thought made its way into his mind: maybe she wasn't going to leave for a week, maybe the police wouldn't let her go. He didn't want her to suffer, and yet, he couldn't help but feel a twisted sense of relief at the idea of her being nearby, where he could keep an eye on her.

He tried to ignore the thought and started texting her.

‘y/n, I just saw about yesterday, where are you?’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Do you need me to pick you up?’

Kaz was about to type a fourth text when she answered with a picture. She was on the plane, probably first class, a shot of two glasses of champagne clinking together. One in her hand, and the other in that surgeon's she was supposed to be with. ‘Don't worry,’ she wrote.

Kaz let out a breath. How was he supposed not to worry when she was arrested just the night before and he didn't know it?

‘He's taking good care of me :)’ she added.

Of course, that surgeon must have known some good lawyers and got her and her roommates out in no time. Kaz refused to acknowledge that what he was feeling was just jealousy for not being the one she called for.

Inej reached him with a worried face. “Kaz, what happened?”

“Nothing, Nej, just work,” he tried to sound light.

“Uhm, if you say so,” she replied, still looking concerned.

***

Kaz did it. He finally gave a proper kiss to Inej. It was a shy kiss at first, anxiety knocking on his brain, but then he was able to let go. After all, he had practiced a lot. A pang of guilt hit him—using one of y/n’s “great kissing moments” instead of coming up with one of his own.

Kaz and Inej were in his car, parked outside her house. He was dropping her off for the night before heading to the Crow Club to do some work. They had just gone out for dinner, and their conversation flowed easily, laughter punctuating their words. She looked beautiful, her smile bright in the dim light, and he couldn't resist any longer. The moment felt right.

As he leaned in, Kaz felt a wave of nerves, but he pushed through. He felt her holding her breath when he let his tongue slip into her mouth; she definitely did not expect it. The kiss deepened, and for a moment, everything else faded away. When they finally pulled back, they smiled at each other, a silent acknowledgment of a new step in their relationship. His gaze followed her as she entered her building, and he couldn't help but feel a rush of joy.

Driving to the club, Kaz smiled so widely that his cheeks hurt. His mind was buzzing with excitement, but amidst the euphoria, a nagging thought kept resurfacing—he wanted to tell y/n. He tried to ignore it, focusing instead on the happiness of the moment. Kaz considered telling Jesper, but Jesper spent the whole night talking to a boy, and Kaz didn't want to interrupt.

Around 4 AM, Kaz pulled out his phone, deciding to text y/n. But before he did, he checked Instagram to see what she was up to. The first picture on his dashboard was hers: she was on a yacht at sunset, in a gold bathing suit. The girl was on her knees, head thrown back, pouring champagne from an expensive bottle onto her body. A man, probably the surgeon, was caught in the act of licking the champagne, his tongue just above her navel. His face wasn't very clear, and of course, he wasn't tagged.

Kaz froze, his happiness suddenly feeling trivial. Here he was, ecstatic about a single kiss, while y/n was living a life of wild extravagance. The image of her, carefree and bold, made him feel like a fool. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, a heavy weight settling in his chest. The night felt colder, and the euphoria of the kiss was replaced by a gnawing sense of inadequacy.

***

Inej left the same day y/n got back, promising to return in two weeks. They had spent their time together exploring the depths of each other's desires, though Inej never explicitly signaled what she wanted. Kaz wanted to feel every centimeter of her body, but he cursed himself for being used to y/n’s responsiveness. They kept their hands mostly in neutral places, which was a significant step forward for him, but it left him wanting more. A few months ago, such intimacy would have been impossible, so he tried to stay positive.

He wanted to sleep with Inej so badly that it consumed his thoughts. He laughed at himself, thinking about how proud y/n would be if she could peek inside his mind. But with that thought came a wave of anxiety. What would happen between him and y/n once he finally dealt with his issues? Would they just stop seeing each other? Rationally, yes, but y/n was the only person who listened to him talk about his favorite show. A sad thought crept in: "Because you pay her." Bitterness filled his mouth as he wondered where the character ended and where the real y/n began.

Kaz tried to distract himself by assembling some dinner. The house felt empty without Inej. He checked his phone to text her but found a message from y/n instead.

‘New address’

Of course, she had to move after the arrest. He was about to leave her on read when she sent a picture of a small shop bag that looked like it came from a touristy shop.

‘Got something for you, love-bird’

‘Do you deserve it?’ she added.

Kaz snorted. ‘I guess you’ll be the judge of that’

‘Come over?’

Kaz sighed, torn between what he should do and what he wanted to do. Inej’s perfume still lingered in his house, and he was already considering spending the evening with another girl. But he was curious and wanted to share the progress he had made. Kaz always felt like y/n never really judged him, apart from playful banter.

He considered it. He was just going to have a chat, he told himself. He wasn’t paying her, so they wouldn’t touch. It was basically like seeing Jesper, Kaz tried to justify.

‘Be there in an hour’  he replied, feeling a mix of excitement and guilt.

y/n opened the door of the new house, her cheeks and nose still a bit sunburnt, giving her an innocent look that definitely did not fit her usual demeanor. But she looked beautiful, Kaz admitted to himself.

“Do you like the new room?” she asked, letting him in. It was bigger than the old one, with a lot of her stuff still in boxes and her luggage half unpacked on the floor.

“Yeah, not bad,” he commented, looking around.

“Can I sit? My leg is killing me today,” he said, motioning to the bed.

“Take a chair,” she said quickly. “Nasty things happened on that bed.”

Kaz raised a brow. “You came back a few hours ago and already had a client over?”

“Oh no, I had sex with my roommates,” she said nonchalantly. “When we move, we do it in every bed of the house.”

Kaz avoided her gaze to process the totally unrequested information. “All together?”

“Yeah, it’s like tradition,” y/n shrugged, a bit satisfied at making him embarrassed.

They updated each other about her holiday and his days with Inej. “I kissed her,” he finally said with a grin.

“With tongue?” she leaned in, intrigued.

“Yes,” Kaz sighed, satisfied, and she squeaked, hitting his arm.

“You're an animal, Brekker. So proud of you. How was it? I want details.”

“Of which time?” Kaz leaned back with a cocky grin.

y/n screamed in excitement, and he marveled at her reaction. How could a person so used to kissing people be so happy for a few pretty much innocent kisses? Well, his thoughts weren't exactly innocent, but that wasn’t important.

y/n retrieved his gift and handed it to him. “Condoms, how thoughtful,” he laughed nervously, the usual blush creeping in. It was the first time he had one in his hand; the colorful packages had writings of the cities she'd been to.

“They are just for display. I got them in a gift shop. Never use them, love. I swear your dick is going to fall off, and she's going to get pregnant even before you put it inside,” she said, half serious and half laughing.

“First of all, why do you always have to be so graphic? Second, why does this feel like something that happened to you?”

y/n actually froze for a moment, her lips parted. For the briefest second, Kaz felt like he was seeing her for the first time, her mask slipping. It was so fast that he doubted he had really seen it. Her usual smile returned. “Oh baby, that's a story for another time. I made my mistakes so that you won’t,” she tapped her finger on his nose, like a mother lecturing a child.

Kaz wanted to ask more, to know what he had triggered with what he thought was an innocent joke. He searched her face for a crack in the facade, a sign of the vulnerability she had shown for just a heartbeat. Did she get pregnant at some point in her life? Was she forced to make difficult decisions? Kaz had always been a private person, but maybe she could beat him. He asked himself how someone could be so careless and chat about the most uncomfortable things ever like it was nothing, and never reveal anything at the same time.

He watched as she turned away, her movements deliberate, as if she were putting distance between them to hide the truth. The thought of her experiencing such a thing gnawed at him, a mix of empathy and frustration swirling within him. How could she talk so freely about graphic details and yet keep the most important parts of her life so well-guarded?

Kaz's mind raced, piecing together fragments of their conversations, trying to make sense of the puzzle that was y/n. She had always been an enigma, someone who seemed to live without fear or hesitation. But now, he saw a glimpse of the cracks beneath the surface, the scars that she kept hidden.

“So, what do you have in mind for our next session?” she asked casually, checking her phone.

“Foreplay,” he said quicker than he intended.

“Someone’s got his ideas straight,” she commented, looking at him over her phone.

“When are you free?” he asked.

“Now,” she said, letting her eyes wander over him. That was unexpected. “Saints, Kaz, I’m kidding.”

“Sorry, I—”

“Making impure thoughts, love?” she asked, leaning in. Yes, he definitely was. Since he had managed to kiss Inej, it was the only thing he could think of.

“Shit, go take a cold shower and stop looking at me with those manic eyes. I’m such a bad influence on you,” she laughed, and Kaz thought she was absolutely right. But apparently, she wasn't done playing with him. She slowly moved to sit on his lap, giving him all the time to stop her if he wanted to. He didn’t.

“Tell me more about these kisses,” she whispered, cradling his head in her hands. “Were they like this?” She gently pressed their lips together. “Or were they like this?” y/n let her tongue slip into his mouth, and instinctively he hugged her tightly, letting the familiar cherry scent invade him.

“We should stop,” he whispered in her mouth after a while.

“Then stop,” she replied simply, pressing their lips together again. It took him more than he cared to admit to let her go, leaning back to create some distance between them.

“Good boy,” she said, licking her lips.

Kaz sighed heavily. “Time to go,” he whispered, and she got up to let him leave.

***

"Say it again," y/n said seriously, her head resting in his lap, while Kaz absentmindedly scratched her head. The bra she was wearing that day was without cups, completely see-through, and her piercings kept stealing his focus. He sighed, trying to stay composed despite the distracting view. 

"Always take my time, never rush her, make her come at least once," Kaz recited dutifully.

"And?" she urged him to continue.

"I'm not saying or going to do that," he protested, clearly annoyed.

"And?" y/n repeated, moving his chin to redirect his gaze back to her face.

Kaz hesitated, obviously embarrassed. "Never force her head down and ask before coming into her mouth," he muttered under his breath. "I would never do that. Why do you make me keep saying it?" He felt almost offended by the implication.

She redirected his eyes again, laughing at how red he kept becoming every time she caught him staring. "Because no one ever sucked your dick and you have no idea how much control you're going to lose."

Kaz felt a rush of shame about his inexistent experience. He hated feeling this vulnerable, hated the way her words cut through his defenses.

Her voice softened, he never heard her talking so tenderly, “Remember to tell her she's pretty” she said tracing his nose, before going back to her usual demeanor. 

y/n got up from his lap, stretching a bit. "So, enough theory. Time for practice, seduce me baby."

Kaz looked away, his mind racing. The intimacy they shared was confusing, a mix of instruction and genuine connection that left him feeling exposed. He knew she was trying to prepare him, to make sure he didn't mess things up with Inej, but it was hard to reconcile these lessons with the reality of his feelings.

Kaz let out a nervous laugh. "I don’t know where to start," he admitted simply.

"Liar, you’re just embarrassed," she said, raising a brow.

"Yes, I am embarrassed, y/n," Kaz said, frustrated. "Why is it so hard for you to see it?"

y/n frowned at his reaction. "Calm down, love. I was just trying to lighten the mood. We can keep talking if you want."

Kaz took his head in his hands, feeling a mix of annoyance and self-reproach. He didn't know if he was more upset with her or with himself. "I'm just nervous," he said more softly. "I don’t know how to approach this without betraying her."

y/n made her way between his arms. Kaz was really surprised to find out how clingy he was; he never thought of himself as that kind of person. He had always prided himself on his independence, on his ability to maintain control and keep others at arm's length. Physical closeness had always been a challenge, something he shied away from, but here he was, craving the comfort of her touch.

He wondered when this change had occurred. Was it gradual, creeping in slowly over time as he grew more comfortable with y/n, or had it always been there, buried beneath layers of self-imposed isolation? He had always been wary of relying on others, afraid of the vulnerability that came with it. Yet, with y/n, he found himself leaning into the very thing he had avoided for so long.

Kaz realized that despite his initial reluctance, there was a part of him that needed this connection, this human touch. It was a need he had never acknowledged, even to himself. y/n's arms around him, her gentle touch, provided a solace he didn't know he was missing. It was a confusing mix of emotions—guilt for finding comfort in someone other than Inej, gratitude for y/n's understanding and patience, and a deep-seated fear of what this newfound dependency meant for him.

As y/n scratched the back of his head, he couldn't help but relax into her embrace. He felt a pang of guilt, knowing that this comfort came from a relationship that was, in many ways, transactional. But he also recognized the genuine care she showed him, the way she listened and supported him without judgment. It was a rare and precious thing, and he couldn't deny how much he needed it.

"Let's set some boundaries then," she said, scratching the back of his head. Kaz hated how good her paid cuddles made him feel, how desperately touch-starved he was. He had always considered himself strong, resilient, but this vulnerability exposed a different side of him. A side that longed for connection, for the warmth of another person. It was a humbling realization, one that forced him to confront the walls he had built around himself.

He sighed, leaning into her touch despite himself. "Inej means everything to me. I don't want to do anything that would hurt her or make her feel less important."

y/n nodded, her expression thoughtful. "I understand, Kaz. And it's good that you feel that way. It shows how much you care about her. Let's make sure whatever we do here is about helping you be the best for her, okay?"

"Okay, uhm, I don't want you to do... things to me," Kaz forced the words out of his mouth, the weight of his anxiety heavy on his chest, "but I... would like to get accustomed to doing some things to you. To know if I can do them with her."

y/n nodded thoughtfully. "Seems right, but remember that you won’t know what she likes until you are with her, so you might have to adapt to that."

"I know," Kaz said, his voice wavering. "I have to be sure I won’t panic and throw up or run away or—"

"Kaz, breathe."

He took a long, shaky breath, feeling like all the progress he had made was slipping through his fingers. The girl sensed his weariness and settled herself on top of him, her eyes locking with his. "Tell me to stop, and I will," she said, waiting for his nod before she proceeded.

With slow, deliberate movements, y/n unbuttoned his shirt and helped him out of it. She guided him to kiss her neck, his hands resting on her waist. As he started to get comfortable, she moved his head to her cleavage. His kisses were hesitant, his hands trembling slightly as he reached for the back of her bra.

"Go on," she encouraged, and he managed to unclasp it easily. His fingers, so skilled at cracking safes, adapted to this new task effortlessly. y/n removed her bra, and Kaz felt a surge of panic, his mind filled with confused images of Inej, Inej whom he had never even seen change clothes.

"Breathe, love. Stop when you want," she reassured him. But he didn't want to stop. He wanted to push through the fear, to prove to himself that he could do this.

y/n tenderly talked him through it, her voice a soothing anchor. "Start with your hands, you won’t hurt me," she murmured. "Try your mouth, baby." 

Kaz followed her guidance, his touch growing more confident with each passing moment. He traced his fingers delicately across her skin, feeling the warmth of her body beneath his touch. y/n's soft moans escaped her lips, muffled and heavy with desire, and Kaz found himself emboldened by her responses.

"You're so good," she whispered, her voice breathless with arousal, her head arching back slightly. Her piercings, cold against his tongue, added a layer of sensation that heightened his awareness of every movement, every touch.

As Kaz explored her with a mixture of curiosity and determination, he couldn't help but emit quiet, satisfied hums. Each sound was a testament to the growing confidence he felt in his ability to please her, a reassurance that he was on the right track. Despite the lingering guilt and uncertainty, he found solace in y/n's encouragement and the genuine pleasure she expressed.

Her body responded to his touch, arching subtly beneath him, and he continued, guided by her subtle cues and occasional whispers of approval. The intimacy of the moment enveloped them both, forging a connection that went beyond physical sensation.

For Kaz, this experience was a revelation—an opportunity to confront his fears and insecurities, to push beyond his comfort zone. In y/n's reactions, he found validation and a sense of accomplishment, despite the lingering doubts about his own readiness.

As he explored this new territory, Kaz felt a mix of emotions—fear, excitement, guilt. Each touch, each kiss was a step closer to the intimacy he craved with Inej, but it was also a reminder of the distance he still had to cross. y/n's moans were real, her guidance sincere, and in that moment, he was grateful for her patience and understanding.

His mind flickered back to Inej, the girl he truly wanted to be with, and he hoped that when the time came, he wouldn't be paralyzed by fear. He wanted to be ready, to give her the intimacy she deserved without hesitation.

Kaz's hands moved with more certainty, his kisses deeper. y/n's reassurances wrapped around him like a safety net, and he allowed himself to get lost in the moment, knowing that this was a crucial step in overcoming his fears. 

After a while, she cupped his face and kissed his lips, guiding them to lay on their side. y/n threw a leg over him, pulling him closer. Kaz had one arm under her, hugging her, but he wasn’t sure of where to put the other. They left each other's lips for a moment, and she took his hand and placed it on her thigh, then went to kiss him again. His hand was trembling, “Breathe” she reminded. 

Kaz was painfully hard, the friction between him and y/n threatening to unravel his restraint. She moved with a sinuous grace, arching her back, rolling her hips against his, and kissing his neck provocatively. Each movement intensified his arousal, making him struggle to maintain composure.

"Should I stop?" y/n's voice was breathless, filled with anticipation.

"No," Kaz managed between heavy breaths, his desire building with each passing second.

Her moans grew louder as she pressed closer, urging him on. "Kaz, please, touch me," she pleaded, her voice a mix of desperation and desire.

Her plea sparked something primal in him, a surge of power he never felt. His hand hesitated briefly at her lower abdomen before trailing lower, teasingly slow, as he explored the contours of her body.

But just as things were escalating, Kaz's phone buzzed loudly, shattering the intense moment with an annoyed grunt. He reached for it reluctantly, glancing at the screen with a sinking feeling. "y/n, it's 8 pm."

"What? Fuck, fuck, fuck! I have a date. How could you tease me like that for three hours?" y/n exclaimed, scrambling to find her clothes in a hurry.

Kaz motioned for her to be quiet as he called Jesper back, his mind racing with excuses. "Jes, I know I'm late. I was sleeping," he explained as soon as his friend picked up.

"I'm at your house, Kaz," Jesper replied curtly.

"Fuck," Kaz sighed, frustration mounting as he saw y/n still searching frantically. "Yes, Kaz, fuck," Jesper retorted before Kaz ended the call abruptly to avoid any further chastisement.

"Can you drop me off at that bar with the French name? It should be on your way home," y/n asked as she finally located what she needed from the wardrobe.

Kaz considered his lateness but relented with a nod. "Be quick," he urged.

As y/n grabbed his hand, she maneuvered him in front of her wardrobe. "Pick me an outfit, love? I need to shower," she said hurriedly.

"What? No, how can I?" Kaz protested, feeling out of his depth.

"He's a man, you're a man. Just pick something," she insisted, rushing out of the room with a small towel wrapped around her body.

Kaz sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the situation, but reluctantly selected two outfits. To his surprise, y/n returned sooner than expected, munching on a tomato.

"What are you doing?" Kaz asked incredulously.

"Having dinner. Where's my outfit?" she quipped casually, prompting Kaz to point out his choices.

"You have taste, baby," she teased, a playful grin on her face. Kaz found himself unexpectedly charmed by her banter, a reminder of the easy familiarity that had grown between them over time.

While y/n changed, Kaz emptied his wallet onto her nightstand, sorting out the cash he owed her. "I don't have any more cash. I'll send the rest to your card," he informed her.

"Thanks," she replied casually, unruffled by the business-like transaction.

He always wondered about her earnings, knowing she was usually booked solid even before he arrived. The thought of how much she made, especially on extended holidays, intrigued him, though he never quite dared to ask outright.

They got into Kaz's car, and without hesitation, his hand found its place on her thigh, seeking the closeness they both craved. "Fuck, I can't believe you left me so on edge. I'm going to die before I get home," she remarked, unable to hide her frustration.

y/n shifted restlessly beside him. "You're not sleeping with him?" Kaz asked casually, trying to ease the tension.

"He wants to take things slow," she replied with a hint of amusement.

"How are you going to survive?" Kaz teased, lightening the mood.

"I'll manage," she sighed dramatically, her hand resting comfortably on his.

Kaz hesitated briefly before admitting, "Inej didn't like it. She shoved my hand away."

"Oh, Kaz, I'm sorry. You really seemed to like it," y/n replied sympathetically, her tone softening.

"You like it," Kaz pointed out, giving her a sideways glance.

"Yeah, I don't have a problem admitting that," she shot back with a grin. "I like it too. She never rejected me before. I know it's stupid, it's just a hand, but it felt weird."

"Your feelings aren't stupid," y/n reassured him, her voice gentle as she stared out the car window. "And I imagine for you, a hand on a thigh is like climbing a fucking mountain."

"It is," Kaz admitted quietly, grateful for her understanding.

When they reached the bar, Kaz dropped y/n off and drove on to face a very angry Jesper, knowing he would have to deal with the consequences of his delay.

***

A few days later, Kaz and Jesper were talking outside a shop. Jesper had convinced Kaz to go shopping together, and since Kaz still had to be forgiven for disappearing the other day, he couldn't refuse. As they chatted, Jesper's brows suddenly shot up. "Can't believe this, turn around."

Kaz turned and spotted y/n leaving a lingerie shop with several bags and a stroller. She seemed to be chatting animatedly with the baby inside. Kaz thought that she would probably talk to a rock if left alone long enough. The two men exchanged puzzled looks as y/n noticed them and waved with a smile, crossing the street to reach them.

"Who's that?" asked Kaz, a mix of curiosity and confusion in his voice. Could she be so private about her life that no one knew she had a toddler?

"Oh saints, don't make that panicked face. It's not like it could be yours anyway," she said lightly, rolling her eyes. "It's my friend's. I'm letting her parents have some time together."

Kaz let out a small sigh of relief. "What's with these hideous glasses?" he asked, reaching to take off her large sunglasses. y/n quickly shoved his hand away.

"I just got Botox. I'm all purple," she replied nonchalantly.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. "You took a toddler to get Botox and to a lingerie shop?"

"And now we are going to do our pretty nails, right baby?" she cooed, and the baby nodded enthusiastically.

"Fucking finally, they're horrible," Kaz commented, taking her hand in his gloved one to study it better.

"Isn't he a sweetheart this morning?" y/n said toward Jesper, pinching Kaz's cheek.

Jesper scoffed at their interaction. He had never seen anyone, not even Inej, touch Kaz's face like that. "And then are you going to have lunch at some point?" Jesper marveled at how Kaz's voice softened.

"If I have time. How should I do them?" she asked, looking at her nails.

"You know how I like them." Kaz's response made Jesper's jaw practically hit the sidewalk, but the two seemed totally unbothered.

y/n took out her phone to reply to a text, and both men's eyes widened. "That's your card?" asked Jesper, pointing at the black credit card in her phone case. Not even their boss had a black credit card.

"I wish. A client gave it to me to get a little treat," y/n said with a satisfied smile.

"Surgeon?" asked Kaz, puzzled.

"CEO," she winked. "Don't ask, I had to sign an NDA."

Kaz thought about this really rich and powerful man waiting on the same couch as he did, to spend a few hours with y/n. He couldn't grasp the concept. 

Jesper scoffed heavily again, his disappointment written all over his face. "You know, you were much funnier before you decided to judge me for my job," y/n said harshly.

"You call that a job?" said Jesper.

"Yes, I call it a fucking job."

"Jesper, let it go," Kaz intervened with a dangerous glare.

"The girls were thinking Crow Club for tonight," said y/n to Kaz, steering the conversation away from the conflict.

"Do you need a table?" he asked immediately.

"It's fine, some guys are taking us," she replied with a tight smile. After y/n left, Jesper looked at Kaz, disappointed.

"Kaz, come on, how are you not seeing it?"

"See what?" Kaz's patience was wearing thin.

"She has you wrapped around her finger."

"She's a professional, Jesper."

"And what were all those laughs and touches, and what the fuck does it mean that she knows how you like nails? The only nails you're supposed to like are your girlfriend's," Jesper spat, his tone dripping with disdain. "You're letting some hooker play house with you, Kaz. Do you even hear yourself? It's pathetic."

"She's also a human being, Jes. You can't treat her like that," Kaz snapped back, his eyes narrowing with anger. "And you know what? I'm a fucking human being too, even if no one seems to care about that."

"Oh, spare me the self-pity. You think anyone else would put up with this crap? You're losing it, Kaz. You're letting her turn you into some lovesick idiot," Jesper shot back, his voice rising.

Kaz felt his blood boil, the anger and frustration bubbling over. "Fuck you, Jesper," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "Just because you can't understand it doesn't mean it isn't real."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Jesper sneered. "You're fooling yourself if you think she gives a damn about you."

Kaz stormed away, his fist clenched around his cane. He didn't need this. He didn't need Jesper's judgment or his condescension. As he walked, he tried to shake off the bitterness and focus on what mattered: finding his own way, no matter how messy or complicated it might be.

[dumbbitchenergy17]

Clan of Three - Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two: Clan of Three

Plot: A Mandalorian, an infant with a history of the jedi, and a teenager with similar powers and a heavy role to bear. Now reunited their journeys across the galaxy are just beginning to complete their final mission.

Word Count: 7.3K

Pairing: Father Figure!Din Djarin x Platonic!Teen!Reader

Warnings: fighting/violence, massive injuries, some wholesome moments, sad as fuck father-daughter moments, massive angst, PTSD

------

“We shall be rid of the Mandalorians once and for all,” Gideon turns around looking at his fellow warlords, “Long Live the Empire!”

“It is time to retake our home world….I need volunteers from both tribes.”

“I will go.” “I will go.” “I will go.” “I will go.”

“Is that the voice of Lady Bo-Katan Kryze?”

“We knew you would not forsake us, Lady Bo-Katan. We have failed you, but our blasters remain in your service.” They lower their heads slightly bringing a hand to rest over their hearts.

“I will only wear a dress on Naboo. I was told that it’s the most beautiful planet in the galaxy. And there are lakes and waterfalls and fields of flowers and planets as far as the eyes can see. So if you want me to wear a dress it has to be on Naboo.”

“With the uncomfortable shoes?” He asks and you smirk, “We’ll see.” The two of you stare at each other a silence falling over you two its two magnetics coming together. His hand covers your eyes the other pulling off his helmet then his lips meet yours.

“Look, I have no idea what that boy’s intentions are, but…I do know that he would be lucky to have you.” Din says and you lift your head up looking at the older man, “Really?” You ask and he nods and it grows silent once more before you speak up.

“Do you feel like everything is going right that it’s meant to go wrong?” You voice your fear for only him to know, “Every time we get close to winning something horrible goes wrong,” Your tone gets slightly frantic all the possibilities making you more nervous.

Din grabs your shoulders making you look at him, “I promised you I was never leaving you and I’m not. Ever.” He reassures and you nod before he pulls you into his arms just holding you there. His chin rests on the top of your head nothing is said between the two of you but you could tell he meant every single one of his words.

“I love you, dad…” You say and he freezes slightly before his arms squeeze you tighter to him, “Love you too, kid.”

“Those aren’t Mandalorians.” You call out as they immediately take fire, ambushing you all, “They’re Imperials! Take cover.” All the Mandalorians take cover firing at them.

“It’s an ambush!”

“Thank you for gathering the Mandalorians into one place,” He says, and you are unmoving. Moff Gideon was back. He finds delight in seeing the horror and pure terror in your expression as the Mandalorians behind the blast door has no choice but to watch. “Thanks to your planet’s rich resources, I have created the next-generation Dark Trooper suit forged from beskar alloy,”

“Why don’t we take your fleet off the board while we still have the element of surprise? Activate the interceptors and bombers.” He orders and Bo-Katan slams her fist against the glass.

“No!” the Klaxon alarm blares as the Interceptors and Bombers are activating, “In but a few moments, the Purge of Mandalore will be complete.”

“Kaz, get up. Kaz, kriffing get up and fight. Please stop! Please don’t do this…I’ll do anything please don’t I beg you!” You shout as he takes in your features one last time though tear-filled and bloody you still look beautiful in his eyes, “Kaz, please get up!”

“I love y-” The blade cleaves through his body as a scream of anguish rips through your throat.

“None of this would have occurred if you had accepted. He’s dead because of your actions, princess.” Gideon mocks you as you’re sent into a spiral sobs racking your body and hyperventilating from the shock that has taken over.

You didn’t deserve happiness…you would never love again. You had nothing left in you to love. Your happiness, your love, and yourself had died right alongside him held in his arms with dead promises to visit the far-off planets you dreamed of.

You were in a daze as the commandos practically dragged you through the halls, and you didn’t hear Din’s shouts, didn’t hear anything it was a blur until you were brought into a room and you’re dropped to your knees and chained to the floor. It repeated in your head like a broken melody, his face…his beautiful face draining of life.

“I love y-” Drain of tears as you felt no emotion, you didn’t feel sadness, loss, anger, sorrow, anything. It was empty. The doors before you open up but you barely acknowledge it glance up and seeing Gideon enter removing the beskar helmet and holding it to his side a malicious grin on his face.

“Where’s the fight, dear princess? That fire….that rage… not going to get your revenge?” He taunts standing before you and you gaze up at him, your eyes red and puffy your throat strained and dry from your sobs and screams.

“Just kill me already…I have no use for you.” Your voice is dead and flat and he chuckles his hand grabbing your chin your lifeless eyes are forced to look up at his wicked gaze, “Oh but that would make things so much easier for you wouldn’t it? Be reunited with your Mandalorian..” He rises dropping your chin and your head drops down.

“Get comfortable you’ll have front-row seats to witness the purge of your people and end the Mandalorians once and for all.” He says and your empty heart feels a twinge of worry for your family scattered across this base.

Din’s mind was running wild since the ambush seeing Moff Gideon had escaped the New Republic, seeing Kaz die and you getting taken away. Your screams and cries burned into his mind. You were fallen down a rabbit hole he barely got you out of the first time this worst. The two commandos force him down a hall and he shoves against one of them and then kicks his foot against the wall having them all stumble away from him. Breaking free from one of them flipping the other as he grabs the vibroblade cutting his bonds at his feet and quickly stabs the commando closest to him. Dodging the blaster fire that hits his beskar armor sudden heat against him from the flamethrower as he grabs their wrist slamming it to the ground. Pulling him into a chokehold and snapping his neck as a cable wraps around Din’s neck pulling him back he struggles as he sees the blaster in the commando's hand. It’s suddenly grabbed and destroyed,

“No. No. No. No. No.” Grogu presses the vocal button and Din stabs the commando with the blade the two hitting the ground. Gasping for air as Grogu sprays a bacta spray in his face as he tries waving him off coughing with his tied hands, “I'm okay. I'm okay…help me up,” Grogu pulls Din to his feet before holding his wrist out, “Will you cut me loose?’

Pressing the button gives a ‘yes’ and frees him from his restraints and he rubs his wrist, “Thank you for your help. Grogu, I'm going to need you to be brave for me, okay?” The small child babbles, “We can't keep running. If we don't take out Moff Gideon, this will never end. We have to find your sister as well. You with me?” A yes comes from IG-12 and the two make their way through the base to find and finish off Moff Gideon and save you.

In the cave system escaping from the following commandos, a transmission comes through Bo-Katan’s comms, “Bo-Katan, come in.” “Received. Where are you?” She sighs in relief glad to hear him alright.

“We're safe. I escaped. I've got the kid,” He says and her worry picks up slightly only hearing one kid with him, “And Y/n where is she?”

“I don’t know, I’m looking for her…I'm going after Moff Gideon. Do you have a location?” Din explains and Bo-Katan sighs leading her people through the caves, “No. We are under attack. I have to get the troops to safety.”

“Understood,” Din says moving through the halls followed by Grogu,

“Stay safe.” Bo-Katan responds their contact broken as the Captain calls out to them, “If we escape to the surface, I know where we can hole up.” He explains and they all take off to the surface. Bo-Katan worries for the people around her, her small family in Gideon’s base, and prays Woves gets to the ship before the Imperials do.

You hear the doors open behind you as Gideon stands before a large hologram map, “Sir, the fighters and bombers have launched,” A commando says, “Their capital ship will soon be destroyed.”

Gideon is silent before speaking up, “But the Mandalorian has escaped.” Your heavy head perks up slightly upon hearing the news. Din had escaped. He was moving through this base. The whirring of Gideon’s armor as the Commando looks at him waiting for orders,

“Shall we engage?” The helmet is put on Gideon and you hear his modulated “No, I'll take care of him myself.” A hoarse chuckle comes fills the room and the commando stiffens Gideon is silent as it starts soft until it’s the only thing he can hear seeing your head shake. You look up at him the blood mouth and chin dried the hollow look in your eyes having a spark of malice.

“You’re dead…he’s gonna kill you.” You rasp a huff of laughter in your tone and you hear the whirring of his armor as it curls into a fist, “You won’t even last a minut-” A beskar-infused punch across your face sends you on your side. Stars fill your vision as you try to calm the queasiness that fills you. Glancing back up at him seeing double him. Gideon looks seeing the indifference despite the split brow and the quickly forming bruise on your eye.

“Gar oyay cuyir jaon Gideon..” (Your life is over) You whisper venom in your voice and he uncurls his fist before stepping back, “Prepare her for the Mandalorian’s arrival.” Gideon orders and you see the doors before you slide open and out step three guards dressed in red armor each holding intimidating weapons. Gideon backs away as one of the guards pulls over a  chair. Creating slack in the chain on the ground before shoving you to the seat. You don’t get time to adjust a fist knocking the wind out of you with a punch to the gut. You curl inward but your hair is grabbed pulling you back up as a fist bashes into your face blood spills to the floor.

“You’re….you’re all..going…to die..” You wheeze out your head hanging a river of red coming from your nose and mouth, your body crying out in pain but you weren’t going to let them see. You feel one of the guards behind you seize one of your arms and you feel the strain as it’s forced to bend unnaturally, “No…no…no no!” A snap fills the air producing a scream from you as your elbow snaps and you lean forward heaving in pain. Tears and blood blur your vision, fire runs through your body as the broken limb is let go of. Gideon turns away leaving the room the sounds of your screams and begging as the torture begins rings through his head. You were going to be a great present for your Mandalorian.

Din moves through the halls skillfully followed by IG-12 controlled by Grogu, “R5. Come in, R5,” Din calls through his comms and a beeping response comes through from the surface, “I need you, buddy. You're gonna have to scomp into the base and get me the location of Moff Gideon's command center.” Hesitant beeping makes Din sigh as he peeks around a corner, “I'm sorry, I don't speak Binary. I'm counting on you.” Moving throughout the base avoiding commandos he calls back out to the droid, “R5, how are those schematics coming?” A schematic of the base appears, “Got it. Good job, buddy. That's the command center. The communications log says that's where he operates from. That's where we're goin'.” Din points at the blinking dot representing the command center on the hologram map.

“Ready?” He looks over at Grogu who coos, “Stay close. Let's go.” With only his skills Din moves through the halls before reaching the hall leading to the command center with barrier shields stopping any from entering, “The command center is down there. I don't have any weapons so this might get messy. R5. There are some barrier shields. I'm gonna need you to deactivate them one at a time.” The droid beeps understanding his assignment, “On my command. Got it?”

Din peeks around the corner seeing the multiple rows of guards he would have to take one, “Deactivate the first shield.” The red shield comes and Din rushes forward throwing a swing at the guard closest to him sending him to the ground and kicking his leg out hitting the other one. Grabbing the guard getting up barely dodging a blaster fire that kills the one in front of him. Spinning him to deflect the attack with the dead guard’s shield he pulls the knife from his belt while throwing it. It lodges into the other's neck and Din rushes forward to grab the blaster but the guard falls back into a drop disappearing.

“R5, next shield.” Din calls out as the second barrier opens controlled by the droid his two enemies armed with electro-riot batons and shields. Rushing forward kneeing on in the face sending him crashing into the barrier and quickly deflecting the attack from the guard behind him bringing him to the ground. Grabbing the baton jamming into the space between armor from the guard in front of him then spin kicks the other off the ledge. Picking up the shield now with a weapon and defense steps forward to the two awaiting guards behind the shield.

“R5, next shield.”

Slamming the shield against one guard against their blaster fire, jamming the electric baton into the knee of one guard brings him down shielding himself. Attacking his chest as the guard grunts hitting the ground and Din stabs the baton in his helmet electrocuting the guard to death. Grabbing the blaster firing at the guard and getting to his feet, the two fire and shield against one another, “R5, next shield,” Din calls out firing but no response comes through, “R5, next shield! R5!” Din yells into his comm blocking another blow as the smoke from the blasters fills the area.

“R5, next shield.” The last barrier opens and slides through the smoke tripping one of the guards grabbing the blaster. Spinning around to stand firing at the guard that fires but it hits Din’s beskar armor. Killing the guard before moving towards the unarmed one trying to rise up but he quickly pulls the trigger. The air is fresh with gun residue the adrenaline in the bounty hunter’s blood fading with the trail of bodies. Grogu peeks around the corner seeing the aftermath and Din motions him to come over. “R5, good job, buddy.” Din compliments the droid as he hears beeps coming from the droid.

Opening the door reveals a long hallway covered in tanks that line the walls. Din and Grogu slowly creep through the halls before Din holds his hand out stopping the child, “Wait here.” He moves to a control table trying to figure out the information. He hears a whimper from the child as he looks frightened by the clones, “That's not Gideon. Those are his clones.” The small child looks at the tank holding a sleeping clone of his former captor. Its eyes snap open producing a cry as Grogu stumbles back while handling the droid. Din presses certain buttons tampering with the controls as the console begins beeping and powering down,

“Let's go.” The two rush escaping the room as an alarm goes off the tanks exploding water spilling out as the doors close behind them. Din turns away from the doors and Grogu and the air leaves Din’s body as his legs become stone. The room lay bare no Gideon in sight but a chair and a familiar figure hunched over blood surrounding the person. His body rushes forward whipping around the chair and his heart drops but also rage fills his body as he stares at the young girl. You were covered in blood, your injuries he couldn’t tell where they started or where they ended. One of your arms hung limply at your side still restrained but he saw the odd angle and cringed. His hands shake slightly as he cups your face and you seem to react to the touch as you murmur your eyes blinking up trying to see, one of your eyes was quickly turning black and blue.

“Kaz…” Your voice is hoarse and weak and his chest burns at the thought in your state of pain and exhaustion you thought he was someone who was long gone.

“Kid…it’s me,” He tries to keep his voice calm pushing back the blood-soaked hair away from you, “I’m gonna get you out of here.” A sudden blaster fire barely misses you both and Din is forced to pull away both him and Grogu hide behind some walls. The mechanical footsteps clank against the ground as Din holds the blaster between his hands.

“My clones were finally going to be perfect,” Gideon’s rage-filled voice surrounds the room, “The best parts of me but improved by adding the one thing I never had. The Force. I was isolating the potential to wield the Force, and incorporating it into an unstoppable army. And you smothered them before they could draw their first breath” He hisses and Din could feel the fury coming from him. A hitch of breath as a mechanical whirring fills the air and a choked gasp fills the air.

“So I’ll take the breath from who you care for,” Gideon growls tightening his strong grip around your throat. Din whips around firing at Gideon but the blaster bolts bounce off his beskar armor does make Gideon release you your head dropping as Gideon fires a missile at Din. Dodging the attack he charges at him with his jetpack the two being pushed into the hangar entering combat. Gideon hurls Din aside as he collides with a large crate quickly receiving beskar-fueled punches in the gut and the face rattling the bounty hunter. Grabbing the Mandalorian by the chestplate hurling off to the floor before launching another attack on him. Din rolls out of the way right as Gideon slams a fist into the ground denting the metal floors.

The sounds of battle from the hangar rage on and in the air as Mandalorians fight against the imperials for their homeworld. Everything was painful just breathing hurt, you wanted it to all fade away praying it would all just stop. A metal hand gently pulls up your face and you felt a cooling sensation across your face as you slowly force your eyes to open seeing the arm of a droid and the small green child. Grogu coos as the healing medicine sprays across your face and he pulls away and you wince feeling something jab into your leg a small burning sensation.

“Grogu…” You whisper and you hear the ‘yes’ come from the child as it moves away from you and you hear the whirring sound and sparks coming off you. Whatever healing spray had made your face grow numb but whatever was put into your leg, you felt your heart rate beating faster and the surge of energy in your limbs. You hear a crack of metal and something falling off as you slump forward falling off the chair unable to hold or catch yourself. You hit the ground with a groan and you hear the loud cry from Din as you see through blurry vision him on the ground the same red armorer guards around him. You hear footsteps pass by you as your heartbeat becomes the only thing you can hear as you force yourself onto your back.

Din groans in pain as the blade is brought deeper into his armor when a voice comes through, “No, no, no.” Din sees Grogu’s angry expression as he slams his fist on the voice button. The three Praetorian Guards pull away now a new target as they force the child back into the command center.

“No!” Din cries out the fear of seeing another one of his children hurt as he scrambles to his feet. A missile hits him directly at his back sending him to the ground but he back on his feet with the urgency to save them when a fibercord whip wraps around his neck dragging him right back to Gideon as the doors close putting the Imperial Guards with both his defenseless children.

You hear the fighting that had entered the room and the cries coming from Grogu as you see flashes of fighting but too weak to stand up. Get up. They are going to kill him if you don’t fight. He’s going to die because of you. You roll over to your side a loud groan coming from you drawing the attention of one of the guards as they come over to you. Your limbs shake with pain as you push yourself with one arm up to be on your hands and knees. A sharp kick to your ribs knocks you back down with a cry as you gasp for air. Don’t stop…stand up. Pushing yourself a strained grunt comes as you return to your knees another kick knocks you back down landing on your back as you try to get air. You can’t do it…you’re too weak.

“I’m sorry…” You whisper tears falling into your hair as the guard stands above you the spear in his grasp.

“Get up…” A voice calls out a whisper the feeling of home flooding your veins, “Come on mesh’la you have to fight.” His voice is like a medicine that heals all wounds. You feel the gentle touch on your skin a caress down your face as he leans down a kiss placed on your forehead. You see the guard raise up his spear to deliver the killing blow it all happening in slow motion.

“Get up.”

The weapon swings down stopping just before your chest a mere hair away when a force stops him. The guard tries pushing down more but is unable to move his body frozen in place. A choking fills the air as he grabs his neck releasing the staff before a large crack fills the air. Din enters the command center having left Bo-Katan to fight against Gideon to see one of the guards collapse to the ground and you laying on the ground beside the body. The others are about to attack Grogu with Din fires his blaster at one of them. The two quickly dispose of the guards together with Din’s combat and Grogu’s force abilities. Din checks over the child when he hears a groan coming from the other side of the room. His head snaps over seeing you on your feet though shakily and Din rushes over his arm wrapping around your waist and holding you up.

“Kid! I’m sorry…maker this is all my fault..” He whispers as you barely register his words looking towards the hangar and seeing Bo-Katan and Gideon fighting. “You stay here. I’ll be back.” You groan in protest before he forces you back to the ground against a wall to sit.

“Gideon…he has to-” “I know…I know you can’t be moving alright.” He says before your left in that room once again but the second he’s gone your hand is clawing at the wall to bring yourself to your feet. This was your fight just as much as theirs and you were going to make sure Gideon was dead.

Bo-Katan spins the Darksaber disarming the electrostaff from Gideon’s grasp but he sends a mighty punch sending her sliding across the ground. Bo-Katan pushes herself to her feet as Gideon pulls off a weapon from his belt and a howl fills the air as a brilliant orange glow reflects on the black beskar. “Hand over the Darksaber and I will give you a warrior's death.” The warlord demands. Rushing towards him with a yell sabers crash against one another as Bo-Katan launches a renewed attack striking him in spots but it has no effect on the beskar armor. However, Gideon is an indomitable force grabbing Bo-Katan’s hand midswing the two holding the Darksaber. With a crush from his gauntlet, he destroys the ancient weapon bringing the female to her knees. The broken hilt lies on the ground as he rips her helmet off kicking Bo-Katan to the ground as she slides toward the edge.

“The Darksaber is gone. You've lost everything,” Stalking towards her taunting the failed Mandalorian, “Mandalorians are weak once they lose their trinkets.”

Bo-Katan rises to her knees a smirk on her face, “Mandalorians are stronger together.” A sudden blaster bolt strikes Gideon from behind and he quickly turns seeing the Mandalorian firing at him. Exchanging fire as Gideon is drawn towards the edge blocking the attacks with the saber. Firing from his wrist Gideon strikes down Din multiple times though shielded by the beskar still stuns him. Bo-Katan slides protecting him using her shield. The hangar shakes sparks flying in the air as the hurtling imperial cruiser descends on the base. Bo-Katan rushes forward with a warrior cry as Gideon raises the saber when he’s thrown back and smacks into the ground. The deactivated saber is released from his hand and Gideon tries to grab it when it’s pulled past him into a person’s grasp. Gideon looks towards where the weapon went the true fear that runs through him. Blood soaks her dirty clothes the broken arm limp at her side, how she was standing after the beating she received he wouldn’t know, in her working hand, the deadly weapon ignites producing a brilliant orange glow.

Gideon raises his blaster firing it at you but with quick reflexes, they deflect hitting him back as he stumbles back towards the edge. You keep trudging forward blocking his attacks as he grows closer and closer to the ledge. He rushes forward to attack you when a blade goes straight through the gap in his chest plate and stomach. A hitch in his breath as the blade digs deep staring into your gaze the haunting look in your eyes.

“This is the non-diplomatic option.” You grunt ripping the saber out as debris rains down the ship crashing into the hangar. Arms wrap around you pulling you to the ground as you are shielded from the inferno hearing Gideon’s screams. You expected the heat from the flames to incinerate you opening your eyes and seeing the barrier all around you the flames and destruction not touching you. Din and Bo-Katan lower their arms from shielding themselves as the three of you look at the small child before you protecting you all. Lowering the Force bubble the flames go from around you as Grogu plops down exhausted from the use as the three of you stand up viewing the destruction. The base is in shambles the flames and smoke from the attack, your gaze moves to where Gideon stands nothing there burnt to ashes. It was a lightweight feeling knowing he was truly dead the battle finally over. With so many lost and many that never saw the end of the journey there were necessary but heartbreaking so you could win.

A cave once left abandoned the light from natural fluorescents the torches empty now lit. The banging of drums fills the tunnels only growing louder reaching the mouth of the cave. Banners of clan signets as clan heads line the path a pathway of torches leading to the steps of water. “I swear on my name and the names of the ancestors..” The Armorer speaks to the small boy a shallow bowl in her grasp, “I swear on my name and the names of the ancestors..”

“That I shall walk the Way of the Mand'alor…” "That I shall walk the Way of the Mand'alor…”

“And the words of the Creed shall be forever forged in my heart.” The crowd watches as the boy recites the creed. It had been months since his first try at joining the Creed and now he stands in the water speaking those words heavy in his heart with the loss of his father, “And the words of the Creed shall be forever forged in my heart.”

The Armorer kneels down scooping up some of the living waters pouring on the beskar helmet as he rises to stand, “This is the Way.”

Ragnar nods repeating the words, “This is the Way.” The crowd of Mandalorians from the Children of the Watch repeat the words. Ragnar steps away rejoining his clan as a Mandalorian in silver beskar armor holding a small infant reaches the steps. Placing the child on the step before the water and the man entering the water slightly.

“Grogu is my apprentice.” The once-bounty hunter gestures to the small child, “He is no longer a foundling. Add him to the Song.”

“He is too young to speak so he is too young to take the Creed.” The Armorer shakes her head as the child babbles proving her point, “He must remain a foundling.”

Din is silent looking at the child that looks sad at the news, “If his parent gave permission, couldn't he then become a Mandalorian apprentice?” The Armorer is silent before nodding, “Yes, but his parents are far from here…if they are even alive.” Her words hinted at some underlying solution. The man looks at the child before speaking,

“Then I will adopt him as my own.” The small child looks up in surprise at the news and the Armorer accepts this decision, “This is the Way.” She says and the man repeats the words.

The female Mandalorian turns to face the crowd of Mandalorians, “Let it be written in Song that Din Djarin is accepting this foundling as his son,” She turns looking at the child now adopted by the man, “You are now Din Grogu, Mandalorian apprentice.”

“This is the Way.” The Mandalorians chant and she holds her hand up silencing them, “You must leave Mandalore and take your apprentice on his journeys, just as your teacher did for you.” The Armorer explains and Din nods, “This is the Way.”

The child now legally under the watch of Din babbles cheerfully and in the depths of the waters before them, a creature stirs almost sensing the change. Din grabs Grogu bidding farewell to the Armorer and other members of the tribe. From the corner of his eye, Din sees the flutter of a cloak as they disappear from the living waters. A lone girl viewing the spectacle many troubling thoughts running through her.

Hidden in the shadows watching as the Armorer and Bo-Katan stand before the Great Forge with the Mandalorians from both fractions watching their leader. The Armorer produces a torch passing it to the woman who moves holding it over the forge. The flame ignites the gas the Forge of their people relit after years of remaining dormant. The clanking of the vambraces creates a synchronized rhythm as Woves starts a chant, “For Mandalore!” “For Mandalore!” “For Mandalore!” The fractions brought together their planet back with the rightful owners as they chanted for their victory but also for those they had lost and their sacrifice would not be in vain. Bo-Katan looks over the crowd a wide smile on her face seeing her people together once again but she catches the gaze of a lone figure not in Mandalorian armor. The cloak and mask hid the still healing injuries but she could see the tired eyes that watch the excitement of the people around her but she lacks any. Bo-Katan could see the defeat in them none of this was a victory in their eyes too much loss and the pain was too great to think of the positive. Their eyes meet and she could tell the look in their eyes and what it meant. No words needed to be spoken as the figure disappears in the crowd that she couldn’t keep up. Bo-Katan tries to keep a smile for her people but it cracks just slightly with the information she knew.

Returned to Nevarro where this whole journey began Greef claps his hand on Din's shoulder, “The people of Nevarro appreciate all you've done, Mando.” Pulling a small chip and holding it out for him, “I want to give you this deed to a cabin just outside of town where you can lay low with your new family if you choose so. Between adventures.”

Din accepts this gracious gift nodding in thanks, “Thank you.” Greef chuckles kneeling down to the small child on the steps, “And that goes for you too, Din Grogu.” Greef stands up noticing the third person apart of their group missing, “And where is the other one? I was certain she would stay with you all unless she’s with that Mandalorian of hers. I certainly like him as a partner.”

Din sighs shaking his head, “She’s here just…going through a lot. I’m giving her some space.” Din looks around the city. This was their new home to reside in while Din works as a personal contractor for the New Republic. “The boy…Kaz, he didn’t make it.”

Greef’s expression drops, “My condolences…well be sure to send her my apologizes for her loss.” The air was tense and it seemed to remain that when they had left Mandalore, even going to the Adelphi base, to even here. He was giving you the time you needed, you were still healing from your injuries refusing any medicine that would require you to be unconscious. With no choice but to respect your decision giving you the best he could get but just time would heal all wounds. While the physical wounds may leave scars that would soon fade the ones on your mind and heart would never.

“And I have a gift for you as well.” Din breaks the tension and appears from the crowd the newly reconstructed IG-11, “Greetings, citizens. I am IG-11, your new Marshal. Your new Marshal of Nevarro.” The crowd cheers as their new Marshal greets them all.

“I am here to serve and protect the citizenry. I am at your disposal and serve at your pleasure.” Greef laughs seeing the familiar droid, “There we go.”

Days on Nevarro settled into your new home a place for Din to relax for now before the New Republic called for him. During these times spent making the cabin home, Grogu enters school and gets to grow up. It all seemed well in this home the other missing piece was yourself. Din felt like you were a ghost, your injuries had healed up but you were hesitant with this place he had reassured multiple times was yours. A room that was strictly yours, getting you new clothing, having home-cooked meals, and even trying to get you to go out into the city and have fun and be young again. It was the opposite though he felt like he was pulling teeth and you would only do these to soothe his worries but he still saw the hollowness in your expression, the mask you put up, and weak smiles. He saw your body thin from the lack of food, rushing into your room hearing your screams at night from the memories that plagued you, the dark circles under your eyes from forcing yourself to stay awake to avoid being trapped inside your mind. Give her time he kept telling himself but time wasn’t helping and it all seemed to build up until the thinning string finally snapped.

The sun was beginning to set and Grogu was playing with the small ball of his in the living room as Din finished up dinner placing it off to the side to cool off. “Come on kid,” Coming over scooping his son up, “Let’s get your sister.” Grogu babbles still playing with the ball as they move to the front of the house where a small pond lies. Din had set up a small chair beside the door that he normally kicks back and watches Grogu play. By the pond resting against a tree right by the water there you sit knees tucked under your chin, your focus on the rippling water as frogs and small fishes swim around.

“Kid!” He calls out and you slowly look away meeting his gaze as he stands by the threshold of the house, “Dinner come.” He says and he sees the hesitation on your face as you turn looking back at the water. Din sighs coming towards the tree to get you to come his pace slows to a stop when he notices a bag beside you that looks fully packed.

“Kid…” He calls out hesitant about where this conversation could possibly be going. You were dressed in the clothes that you hadn’t worn since the battle on Mandalore, the cloak wraps around you as you continue staring at the waters. Din waits for the words he fears seeing the expression on your face the pieces coming together.

“I can’t stay here.”

And the air goes thin as his fear becomes a reality. His grip tightens on Grogu slightly as he looks down on you as you start up again, “I can’t just live here happy while he is seen as nothing but a sacrifice for that planet.” Din knew who you were talking about as your voice tighten up and you look up blinking away those tears.

“I know you’re hurting you just need time…I know it hurts now-” Din tries reassuring you but when you looked at him he felt his chest twist as he stops speaking. You had already made your decision and it was just more painful than you saying the words.

“I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I’m…I’m not like you or the kid…I don’t know what to do anymore…I tried and I tried so damn hard. But I can’t close my eyes without seeing him…” You hold back a cry as you swipe at your sniffling nose, “I’m not telling you to give up this place you deserve a home to settle and be happy but I…I have lost everything all my life…everyone I have loved has either died or left me. Everyone except for you…” You say looking at Din and you feel the anguish coming from him and the glassy look in Gorgu’s eyes.

“I’m so scared of being alone and I don’t want to lose you but sitting here I’m reminded about how I’ve failed all of them.” You say with a shaky breath before looking away from him whispering your fear. “How I might fail you.” It’s a painful silence that is filled with distress and sorrow as Din is told the troubles you’ve been dealing with all this time, even before Mandalore, since your childhood.

“Please don’t try to stop me.” You beg him and it’s so quiet you thought he left but when you look up at him he’s still there. This would have to be the hardest thing to go through and experience. You were so used to people leaving you or the small chance at happiness…love being ripped away from you. It was worst being the one to leave when you knew how much they cared for you…loved you.

“Can…” His voice cracks slightly, “Can you at least stay for dinner?” He speaks in a mere whisper and you hear the sadness in his voice. If he wasn’t wearing that helmet you would see the tears streaming down his face. The tears you tried keeping in start sliding down your face as you hold a fist to your mouth holding back choked sobs. Taking a shaky inhale as your throat is thick with tears,

“If I stay I’ll never leave…” This breaks both of you as you swipe at your tears standing up, “i’m sorry..” Grabbing the pack and slinging it over your shoulder not before grabbing an item from it and holding it out to him in his freehand that isn’t holding Grogu grabs the small object seeing the cloaked binary beacon.

“If you ever need me…no matter where in the galaxy,” You clear your throat pulling up your sleeve and showing the matching one of your wrist, “I’ll find you.” It’s a promise that while you may be lightyears and planets apart you would always find your way home. Back to him… Din curls his hand around the object as he looks at you...his daughter. It’s silent as you step forward rubbing your fingers between Grogu’s ear as he gives a coo and you lean forward pressing a kiss on his forehead. Looking up at the beskar helmet that does nothing to hide his emotion and he raises a hand swiping away the stray tears before pulling you into his chest. You feel the shake of his chest as he cries and you bit your lip to stop yourself from breaking. Held in his arms until you had no choice but to pull away for your sake if not you would never leave.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum…ad” (I love you…daughter)

He memorizes everything about you, from your hair to your nose, your mouth, the crease between your eyebrows, the weariness in your tear-filled eyes, every detail. For a moment he was back on Arvala-7 looking down at the bright-eyed girl as she held his knife demanding answers. How times had changed? You weren’t a quarry or some cargo, you were his daughter from the beginning even if he didn’t realize it. Though blood is not shared you were his daughter and he was your father and nothing would change it.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum…buir” (I love you…dad)

The words repeated back before you turn away and walk towards the ship. Tears flow like rivers down your face as you grow further and further from Din and Grogu. You hear the small cry from Grogu that makes you bite your lip to hold back your sobs as you reach your X-Wing. You throw the bag into the cargo compartment as R4 beeps sadly from his droid port. Pulling yourself onto the wing entering the cockpit as the canopy closes and you start up the ship. Your eyes betray you glancing at Din who still stands by the pond holding his son as he watches you. Your gaze holds for a second before you are the one that breaks contact as the ship powers up and dust kicks up as the ship begins to take off. 

Din stands there watching the ship depart staring until you are a dot in the sky and even after you’re long gone probably in hyperspace he stands there. It wasn’t until Grogu made a noise of sadness but also needed to be fed that he looks away. His limbs are shaky but filled with carbonite as he forces himself to enter the home not before looking at the beacon in his hand that beeps showing the connection between the two were still active. Din turns back looking up at the sky and the large galaxy that lies before himself. He wasn’t sure how long it would be until he sees you again but you three would be reunited again.

As a Clan of Three.

A/N: It's over. OH MY GOD! I started writing this series in January of 2021 and it is now August of 2023. I'm extremely grateful to everyone who has read this series and enjoyed it. I'm so proud of all the time and work put into it and the plenty of tears shed writing this. Literally, this series wouldn't exist without the support of you guys and the amazing story that is The Mandalorian. You all are incredible and thank you so much for reading and sticking for the ride.

[bi-bard]

Such Careful Words That We Can Barely Speak Out Loud - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: Such Careful Words That We Can Barely Speak Out Loud

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Reader

Based On: The Sea of Atlas

Word Count: 804 words

Warning(s): brief mention of a shit family, Kaz is emotionally unavailable

Summary: The Crows return from their latest job. With Kaz back in Ketterdam, (Y/n) sees no better time for them to discuss what had happened before he left.

Author's Note: This took far too fucking long.

Part One of "June" [Release Date: 7/3/2023]

Part Two of "June" [Release Date: 7/5/2023]

YEARBOOK - SLEEPING AT LAST WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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I had no true way of knowing when the rest of the Crows were coming back.

I didn't think about that until after Kaz had run out of my home after kissing me. I could have gone days or weeks without getting to have a conversation about the moment between us. Or, worst case scenario, I never got to see him or the other Crows again because the job went completely wrong. And I would never know about it. I would just be left entirely alone with no answers.

I would never fully shake that feeling until there was a knock on my door.

For the third time, Kaz had found his way to my doorstep. Yet this time felt so incredibly different that it felt like the first time.

"Hi," I said. I had a million thoughts going through my head at the time, but that was all that I could get out at the time.

"Hi," he replied. I wondered if he was in the same place as me.

I stepped to the side and let him walk inside. I scanned my eyes along him as he passed. I was expecting more obvious bruises and wounds. They could possibly be hidden by his suit.

"The job went well," he explained without me asking. "Everyone is safe."

I nodded. "Good."

He said that for my sake. He knew my propensity for worrying excessively.

"Did you meet my family?"

"Briefly," he nodded. "When we first walked in, your uncle was greeting the guests. He made sure that he was well known."

I took a deep breath.

"I didn't make myself known," he added. "For your sake."

"What happened to vengeance in my honor?"

"I was prepared to kill him," Kaz confessed. "But I realized that such an act was for you to choose. I had no right to take that from you."

"I see."

"I did find something." he reached into his pocket. When he held out his hand again, there was a brooch sitting in his palm. "There was a room that didn't look like it had been changed in years. I assumed..."

I reached out and took the brooch. "It was my brother's."

"I thought that it would be sufficient for the time being."

I grinned. "Thank you."

He nodded his head once. "I should go-"

"I'd rather you didn't," I stopped him. "We... We need to talk about what happened, Kaz."

He inhaled sharply.

"I can't go back to what we were... I can't pretend that nothing happened."

His eyes left mine, but he made no move to leave at all. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to be able to hear whatever fear was going through his head. I wanted to know what he was worried about. Because I knew that my mind was riddled with those fears.

"I care about you," I continued, trying to ignore the terrified feeling filling my stomach. "Greatly. I have for a very long time. And I... I am terrified of how I feel about you. I just know that there is every possibility that I will go mad if I ignore it any longer.

"I don't know what you want or how you feel or if that kiss meant anything to you at all. I just... I need to know where we are now."

I glanced down and saw his hand adjust on the top of his cane.

I had spent the last few days thinking about this event. I thought of every single way that this could happen. I thought about what would happen if he ran away again, if he just never showed up, if he told me that he felt the same way as me. It had all played through my head. Some part of me thought that having that mental image would help me more in the long run. It didn't. I was still just as scared as I had been the day that he had stormed out.

I sat in that silence with Kaz until I felt my eyes burning and as if my lungs were struggling to take in air. "I'm sorry. You can go-"

"I do care for you," he cut me off. It was quiet, so full of fear that I could feel the weight sitting on his shoulders. "More than I can explain."

It was ten words. I had heard him say more about a job. And yet, it was easily the most vulnerable I had ever seen him.

I felt a grin forming on my lips. I didn't need anything more from him. That was enough for me. I was certain that we would find more words in time.

And I was right.

All that was needed was for us to be incredibly careful about which words we chose.

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Some Original Characters

[beautysamour]

Mission: Impossible

Pairing: Kaz x reader

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Jesper Fahey

Summary: The mission is quite literally impossible to complete- well, improbable might be the more proper word to use for this.

warnings: none.

enjoy!!

As of right now, Kaz is certain that Jesper is an idiot. Well that’s a lie, Jesper is not an idiot, he’s just being an idiot right now.

“Come on, boss. Ain’t that hard.” Jesper teased.

“It’s unnecessary.”

This is one of the moments where Kaz is glad that the club is so loud, so no one can hear the conversation that is currently going on with the two crows.

“Well, the feelings aren’t real so there’s no way you could fail this mission. All you have to do is confess.”

Jesper is no idiot. He is well aware of his boss’ feelings towards said person, that’s why Jesper created the perfect plan to make Kaz confess.

With a dare that’s presented as a mission, Jesper had no doubt in his mind that this would succeed, you’ve already confided in him and confessed your feelings of infatuation towards your guys’ boss. Even though you weren’t sober at the time, Jesper knew better. Drunk words are sober thoughts.

Kaz remained silent then abruptly left, leaving Jesper alone and confused but nevertheless Jesper came to the conclusion that he went to find you. He always goes to you.

—

Jesper was right, Kaz went to find you. As he always did. He waited for you as you finished your conversation with one of the bartenders, once you did you turned your body towards his.

“Hello boss,” you said with a smile. Kaz tried to ignore his heartbeat increasing and cleared his throat before speaking, to make sure he wouldn’t stutter. “Don’t call me boss, reminds me too much of Jesper.” He inwardly winced at his own tone, it came out too harsh for what he had meant.

He would never voluntarily speak to you in a harsh way.

You let out a small chuckle and Kaz feels his heartbeat beat even faster, if that was possible.

“Right. So Kaz, do we have a new mission already?”

Kaz tried to think of his words carefully. Yes, technically there was a new mission, but it wasn’t for you. “No,” he decided to say, “just wanted a drink.”

He sat in the barstool next to you, leaving you baffled. Kaz never drank, just wasn’t his thing. Remembering what Jesper told you, about him jokingly telling Kaz about your feelings, you look across the bar to where he’s at. Jesper is already looking at you. A silent conversation begins.

Jesper.

It’s the perfect time.

My feelings aren’t a joke. You know he doesn’t do relationships, he doesn’t do feelings.

The only response you get in return is a tilt of the head and a raise of an eyebrow. The both of you knew that you were always an exception.

You leave that internal conversation with Jesper and look back at Kaz who takes a sip out of his drink. Feeling your gaze of him, Kaz turns his head and meets your gaze- both of you feel as if your heart stopped.

Deciding that you’re tired of constantly hiding your feelings for him, you lean forward. He leans back but you grab his tie and pull him back to you.

You estimate about an inch of space is between the two of you now.

Your gaze falls on his lips and it’s hurts that you’re so close yet so far away from his lips. Kaz separates his lips, you’re not sure if it was to speak or if he was letting you know that he also wanted this, but you decided that you’d rather run than face rejection.

You abruptly push yourself back and away from him, “sorry- I don’t know what I was thinking.” You pick up your jacket and make you way out of the bar.

Still processing everything that happened, all Kaz does is watch you leave. The feeling of Jesper’ hand hitting Kaz’ shoulder is what takes him out of his thoughts.

“Boss, they was literally right there!” Kaz wasn’t listening.

Kaz Brekker was wrong once again, when Jesper first brought up this little…mission, he was sure that it would be impossible, that he wouldn’t be able to confess because he was sure that you didn’t do feelings. Seems that it wasn’t that it would be impossible, just improbable because now he realizes how much an idiot he was for letting you walk away all because he was surprised.

Idiot.

[aanoia]

Always By Your Side

Kaz Brekker x reader

Warnings; slightly ooc Kaz, death, mentions of sickness, blood, could be an interpretation of suicide if you look at the end closely

Words; 1155

Song; Saturn by Sleeping At Last

I've only read the first book in the Six of Crows duology, I haven't yet watched the show.

Anyway, kaz brekker is goated so here we are.

Also, the mention of three taps is supposed to be the I love you thing. I saw another fic that I'll have to find that talked about three taps with Kaz and I wanted to incorporate it and possibly write a separate fic with it as well. Once I find the three taps fic I read I'll for sure tag the creator because their writing was breathtaking.

Requests are welcome and encouraged! If you like my writing and would like me to write for another Fandom you can look at my pinned post for my Fandom list!

Thank you for reading &lt;3

You taught me the courage of stars before you left

Kaz had lost everything. His mother had died during childbirth. His father in a farming accident. His brother due to sickness. He had lost so much. But he always had you. Except, now you too, were lost.

How light carries on endlessly even after death

Kaz watched as the Crow Club was laughing and dancing in honor of you. It was something you would’ve wanted instead of a bunch of people dressed in black while crying. He felt a twinge of guilt in his chest. You would’ve loved this. It was so upbeat and cheerful. It was happy, like you were. Kaz never understood how after everything this Saint forsaken world had thrown at you, you still held a smile on your face and a bounce in your step.

With shortness of breath

You explained the infinite

“Kaz.” You whispered, hand gripping his arm with whatever strength you had left. Thunder rang through the air as heavy rain poured down from the skies.

“Sh, rest, Y/n. Rest.” He instructed softly as he limped painfully with you in his arms, the blood from your abdomen staining his coat.

“Kaz, I love you.” You said carefully, feeling the breath slowly leave your lungs.

“Tell me that when you get better.” He demanded, pressure growing behind his eyes.

How rare and beautiful it is to even exist

“Kaz, you need to promise me something.” He ignored you, looking ahead determined despite his ankle begging for a break. “Kaz, please, look at me.” He didn’t answer, instead gasping as he dropped to the ground, his ankle giving out and tears spilling from his eyes.

“I can’t- I can’t do it.” He confessed. “I can’t lose you too, Y/n.”

You smiled and placed your hand on his cheek.

I couldn’t help but ask you to say it all again

I tried to write it down 

But I could never find a pen

“You’ll never lose me.” You had said gently. “I’ll always be with you.”

“No, you won-”

“Sh, of course I will. I won’t ever leave your side. But I need you to promise me something, Kaz.”

I’d give anything to hear

You say it one more time

“What is it?” Kaz asked as you wiped away his tears.

“Become something more. More than Dirtyhands. Become the boy you once were.” You asked.

“He’s weak.”

“He’s happy, and soft, and sweet. Kaz, I love you so much, as you are now. But please, don’t let this be your life until the day you die. Be kind, Kaz.” You begged as your heart rapidly beat weakly against your chest.

That the universe was made

Just to be seen by my eyes

“I don’t know if I can do it without you.” Kaz said quietly, fear taking over his body.

You laughed weakly, “How many times must I tell you I’m not going anywhere? I’ll always be with you. In here.” You placed your hand on his chest, right above his heart. “And my ghost will haunt you forever.”

Kaz’s chest shook as a wet laugh came from his lips, “I’m so scared.” He said jokingly, but you could tell there was truth to his words.

You used the last of your energy to carefully pull his head down and meet your lips. Your lips were cold which made shivers run through Kaz’s body, reminding him of the sickly feeling of his brother's skin. Kaz shut his eyes tightly once your lips stopped moving and your hand fell limp. He pulled away and rested his forehead on yours as his tears mixed with raindrops. 

Anyone who passed by the scene would be shocked to see the notorious Dirtyhands sobbing over a girl's body, clutching her tightly to his chest as he rocked back and forth. He prayed to Saints he didn’t believe to give you back your breath and the gentle thump of your heart, but they never came.

I couldn’t help but ask you to say it all again

I tried to write it down 

But I could never find a pen

Kaz downed the rest of his drink, sitting down defeated on the stool next to him, looking out the window into the rainy streets. He knew he should be joining the group and doing what you had told him. But he couldn’t find the strength in himself to do so. Kaz was broken. Shattered into a million pieces. He wasn’t sure there was any fixing him.

I’d give anything to hear

You say it one more time

A shiver went down Kaz’s spine as a single crow landed in front the window, gently tapping three times onto the glass. Kaz’s posture straightened as he stared intently at the bird. Its beady eyes stared at him as his own eyes widened. He looked to his side, and although it was empty, he knew someone was there. He knew you were there. Probably watching the dancing with a wide smile on your face, overjoyed that this was all for you. Kaz smiled softly.

That the universe was made

Just to be seen by my eyes

Kaz looked to his side with a small smile, knowing you were there. Watching with a smile as he donated the money his latest heist gave him. He could never stop with the criminal life, it was too late for that. He could, however, bring good from it. He would never tell his fellow Crows what he did with his portion of the money they stole, never admitting to having a kind bone in his body. But he knew that despite it being done in secret, his kindness was enough for you.

With shortness of breath,

I’ll explain the infinite

Kaz carefully placed a chest full of millions of kruge on his desk as his dearest friends stood surprised in the office. Each Crow's eyes had widened, Jespers dramatically falling wide open.

“What is that for?” Wylan asked carefully, unsure of what Kaz had planned.

“Take it.” Kaz said evenly. “Split it evenly amongst yourselves and live the lives you have always dreamed of. Except for you Jesper, you are not allowed to gamble a penny of your kruge or it will be taken from you and donated.”

“Well, one, rude. And, two, Kaz, my dearest friend, what is wrong with you?” Jesper asked.

“Yeah, you’re acting weird and mysterious.” Inej said.

“Weirder and more mysterious than usual.” Nina added, earning a nod of agreement from Matthias.

Kaz smiled at them, genuinely smiled which took them aback. “Your debts are paid off, you’re free. Go. Live your lives.”

“And what are you going to do?” Matthias asked and Kaz looked slightly to his side where he felt your presence. 

“I’m going to meet up with some people from my past. Catch up again.”

How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

[egret-orchids]

for the love of language

Kaz Brekker was stubborn. When he had his mind set on doing something, he did it. No matter how difficult, no matter how simplistic. He wasn't sure what category 'learning his girlfriend's language' fell into.

Kaz lovingly and painstakingly learns precious few words in Suli just so that he can surprise his Wraith with them.

| AO3 | SOC Sideblog |

word count: 948

It wasn't an unknown fact amongst the Dregs and Crows that Kaz Brekker knew one language, and one language alone.

He was stubborn, and though his rough voice and the hints of an accent that stemmed from southern Kerch were normal for him, hearing him reciting words in Suli was... odd. Jesper recognised the language from the few times he'd heard Inej muttering the melodic syllables, although he suspected most of it was just curses and swears, much like Jesper's messy Kaelish.

Jesper didn't want to run the risk of Kaz murdering him for snooping, but he did regale this to Wylan over cups of tea in the merchling's basement workshop.

"I was just walking past- y'know, because he'd asked me to grab a map for a job, and I hear him mumbling in Suli." Jesper said, sighing dramatically. This elicited a small chuckle from Wylan, who sipped his tea and then replied; "I think he has some sort of plan. He's never bothered learning more than basic decencies in other languages, and even then they're not great in terms of pronunciation."

Jesper nodded. "He tried to say hello to my Da in Kaelish and I'm pretty sure he accidently insulted him." Even if the anecdotes his father told him weren't exactly true, Colm Fahey was probably justified in his distaste. Some words in Kaelish were similar to others, and a slight error in wording could lead a pleasant hello to turn into somebody's mother getting called a whore. And it was also Kaz, who would probably do something like that purposefully; fully aware of what he was doing yet still taking the chance to be an ass.

Wylan smiled at this. "Are you going to ask him about it?" he asked.

Jesper shook his head. "He'd probably break my arms and threaten to gut me and leave my intestines for the crows or something like that."

"It's Kaz, of course he'd say that..." Wylan laughed quietly.

"I certainly wouldn't put it past him." Inej said with a smile from the doorway, and Jesper nearly jumped out of his skin as Wylan waved to her with a small, shy grin on his face.

"Saints, Inej, do you have to do that every time?" Jesper complained, rolling his eyes fondly. Inej didn't reply, simply shrugging and stepping towards the two. She sat on Wylan's workbench and looked at both of them with mock-sternness.

"Kaz has a job for you two. Some merchant from Shu Han." Inej passed Jesper a small, folded slip of paper- Kaz's signature way of informing them all of jobs.

Jesper flicked the note open and cleared his throat. "Shu Han merchant ship docked in Second Harbour- Saints, it's like he doesn't want us around all day today- unloading into the Stadhall. Jesper has the map." he read aloud, and the way Wylan immediately hung on the gunslinger's every word with such affection in his eyes almost made Inej laugh aloud.

Wylan hummed in response. "So this merchant if working with somebody in the Merchant Council, then."

"Yeah, and he's obviously going to be..."

Inej slid off the table and walked away, leaving the other two conversing about Kaz's latest job. It didn't need her skills, and she had a feeling that Kaz wanted her nearby.

She pulled up her hood, opting to meet Kaz, wherever he was. She didn't bother climbing the rafters and jutting beams to get to the window or the roof of the building next door and have to climb around searching for him, not in this weather. Besides, she knew Kaz would either be in his office, or somewhere on the Zentsbridge.

As it turned out, Kaz was leaning on the bridge's railings, gazing into the murky grey-green of the canal. He didn't move as Inej's neared his left shoulder, but he did shift his bad leg slightly. "Hello, Inej. Don't you have a job you need to help out on?" he said quietly, though the slight smile in his voice betrayed his joking manner.

Inej breathed a laugh, leaning on the railing next to him, back to the canal. "I wanted to know what you were planning. You normally make sure I'm with Wylan and Jes just in case either of them get distracted, be it by each other of something else." she replied.

Kaz shrugged. "Who's to say I'm planning something?"

Inej rolled her eyes. "Kaz Brekker, do you need to be so stubborn?"

Kaz tilted his head, meeting her eyes. "No." he said simply. "But stubbornness got me where I am today, and it got you out of the Menagerie, didn't it?"

"My stubbornness or your stubbornness?" Inej chuckled.

Kaz didn't reply at first; instead he moved away from the bridge's railing, and turned to face Inej, face almost expressionless but his eyes were less cold then they normally were.

"Volim te." he whispered, just enough for Inej to hear.

She swore her heart stopped beating for a solid five seconds when he said that.

It was a known fact that Kaz Brekker, that Dirtyhands knew Kerch, and Kerch alone. His accent was southern, from somewhere like Lij, but his language was that of someone born and raised in Kerch.

My mother is Ketterdam, he'd said, she birthed me in the harbour.

"What?" Inej murmured, too surprised.

My father is profit. I honour him daily.

"Volim te." Kaz repeated, and Inej can't help but laugh.

"Your pronunciation is awful, Saints."

Kaz glared at her, but it wasn't serious.

Inej moved towards Kaz, about to hug him. She stopped. "May I?" she breathed.

Kaz nodded slowly, and Inej pulled him into a hug.

"I love you too, Kaz Brekker."

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

The Phoenix and the Crow

part thirty-one

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutral with a angsty underlining

el's thoughts: i'm back to writing again! hope yall like itttt

masterlist

“Thank the Saints, Djel, and your Aunt Eva,” Jesper said gratefully and slid down the rope, followed by the others.

The roof of the embassy was curved, probably to keep the snow off, but it was a bit like walking on the humped back of an enormous whale. It was also decidedly more… porous than the prison roof. It was pocked with multiple points of entry—vents, chimneys, and small glass domes designed to let light in. Nina and Inej were tucked up against the base of the biggest dome, a filigree skylight from the dwindling rain, but should any of the guards on the ring wall turn their attention away from the approach road and onto the rooftops of the Court, the crew would be hidden from view.

Nina had Inej’s feet in her lap.

“I can’t get all the rubber off her heels,” she said, as she saw them approaching.

“Help her,” said Kaz.

“Right,” Jesper said as he crawled over to get a better look at Inej’s blistered feet. “Saints,” he muttered.

Inej grimaced. “That bad?”

“No, you just have really ugly feet.”

“Ugly feet that got you on this roof.”

“But are we stuck?” Y/N asked. The Elderclock ceased its ringing, and in the silence that followed, she shut her eyes in relief. “Finally.”

“What happened at the prison?” Wylan said, that panicked crackle back in his voice. Jesper gave him a quick reassuring glance. “What triggered the alarm?”

“I ran into two guards,” said Nina.

Jesper looked up from his work again. “You didn’t put them down?”

“I did. But one of them got off a few shots. Another guard came running. That was when the bells started.”

“Damn. So that’s what set off the alarm?”

“Maybe,” said Nina. “Where were you, Kaz? I wouldn’t have been in the stairwell if I hadn’t wasted time looking for you. Why didn’t you meet me on the landing?”

Kaz was peering down through the glass of the dome. “I decided to search the cells on the fifth floor, too.”

They all stared at him. Y/N felt frustration bubbling up in her chest.

“What the hell is this?” Jesper said. “You take off before Matthias and I got back, then decide to expand your search and leave Nina thinking you’re in trouble?”

“There was something I needed to take care of.”

“Not good enough.”

“I had a hunch,” Kaz said. “I followed it.”

Y/N’s expression was pure disbelief. “A hunch?”

“I made a mistake,” growled Kaz. “All right?”

“No,” she fired back. “You owe us an explanation.”

After a moment, Kaz said, “I went looking for Pekka Rollins.” A look passed between Kaz and Y/N. Everyone else shared a look as Kaz cleared his throat. “I screwed up. I made a bad call, and I deserve the blame for it. But that doesn’t change our situation.”

“What is our situation?” Nina asked Matthias. “What will they do now?”

“The alarm was Yellow Protocol, a sector disturbance.”

Jesper pushed at his temples. “I don’t even remember what that means.”

“My guess is that they think someone’s attempting a prison break. That sector is already sealed off from the rest of the Ice Court, so they’ll authorize a search, probably try to figure out who’s mission from the cells.”

“They’ll find the people we knocked out in the women’s and men’s holding areas,” said Wylan. “we need to get out of here. Forget Bo Yul-Batur.”

Y/N waved a dismissive hand through the air. “It’s too late. If the guards think there is a prison break in progress, the checkpoints will be on high alert. Right?” she looked to Matthias in a quick question. “They’re not going to let anyone just walk through.”

“We could still try,” said Jesper. “We get Inej’s feet patched up-”

She flexed them, then stood, testing her bare soles on the gravel. “They feel all right. My calluses are gone, though.”

“I’ll give you an address where you can mail your complaints,” Nina said with a wink.

“Okay, the Wraith is ambulatory,” Jesper said, rubbing a sleeve over his damp face. The rain had faded away to a light mist. “We find a cozy room to bash some partygoers on the head and waltz out of this place decked in their finest.”

“Past the embassy gate and two checkpoints?” Matthias said skeptically.

“They don’t know anyone escaped the prison sector. They saw Nina and Kaz so they know people are out of their cells, but the guards at the checkpoints are going to be looking for hoodlums in prison clothes…” Jesper’s voice faded to a buzz in Y/N’s ears.

She came on an assignment. A world-changing substance was out here somewhere and if it were to get into the wrong hands, it could reach and poison all Grisha. She had a duty to her people and fellow brothers and sisters. If she were to get caught then she would be caught trying to finish the mission. If she were to die then she would die on her feet as a Ravkan soldier.

“Forget it,” she said. “I came here to find Bo Yul-Bayur, and I’m not leaving without him.”“What’s the point?” said Wylan as he watched the Inferni with concern. “Even if you manage to get to the White Island and find Yul-Bayur, we’ll have no way out. Jesper’s right: We should go now while we still have a chance.”

“You are more than welcome to leave if you see it best. I came here with an assignment and I intend to see it through, even if it means I have to cross to the White Island alone. I will.”

“That may not be an option,” said Matthias causing her to turn her sharp gaze in his direction. “Look.”

They gathered around the base of the glass dome. The rotunda below was a mass of people, drinking, laughing, greeting each other, a kind of raucous party before the celebrations on the White Island.

As they watched, a group of new guards pushed into the room, trying to form the crowd into lines.

“They’re adding another checkpoint,” Matthias said. “They’re going to review everyone’s identification again before they allow people access to the glass bridge.”

“Because of Yellow Protocol?” asked Jesper.

“Probably. A precaution.”

It was like seeing the last bit of their luck drain from a glass.

“Then that decides it,” said Jesper. “We cut our losses and try to get out now.”

“I know a way,” Inej said quietly. They all turned to look at her. The yellow light from the dome pooled in her dark eyes. “We can get through that checkpoint and onto the White Island.” She pointed below to where two groups of people had entered the rotunda from the gatehouse courtyard and were shaking the mist from their clothes. The girls from the House of the Blue Iris were easily identified by the color of their gowns and the flowers displayed in their hair and at their necklines. There was another pleasure house that took Y/N a moment to recognize. It was a house located in Shu Han that Y/N had business with years back.

“I have a friend whom I met briefly while traveling with Sturmhond. She could help us get inside.”

“Inej-” Kaz started.

The Suli quickly interrupted him. “I can get two of us in for sure.”

The guys shared a silent look of hesitation while the girls wordlessly discussed who would go.

Nina spoke up, “I’ll go with Inej.”

Matthias had opened his mouth to argue but Y/N cut him off. “That’d be the smartest choice, a Heartrender would be a better fit than an Inferni. It’s likely you both would need a bit of tailoring as well…” She trailed off as she continued to observe the swarm of people below.

Inej nodded, “Then it’s settled. We go in with the pleasure houses.”

~*~

taglist: @katherinereid @littlecat21 @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @brekkershadowsinger @brekkers-desigirl @clunaes @wonderland2425 @bookloverfilmoholic @karensirkobabes @bookworm-center @el-de-phi @so-get-this-sammy @skittleabyss @crispy-croke @cometsghost @auttumnsayshi

[syllvane]

beautiful as the view from a sinking ship- jesper fahey x reader

a/n: people will watch la la land (2016) instead of go to therapy. it’s me i’m people. angst

“I’m surprised you’re here.” Inej said, appearing out of thin air.

You scoffed slightly, grabbing your drink before turning to look at Inej.

“I’m still a Crow, am I not? Just because me and Jes broke up, doesn’t mean I forfeit my place here.”

The nickname sat in the silence between the two of you and you looked away from her.

Inej didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, watching you down the shot of hard liquor.

“I know, I just… you’ve been keeping odd hours. You’ve stopped coming around the Slat.”

You signaled the bartender for another round.

You looked at her and, despite the copious amount of alcohol you had consumed, your eyes were clear and bright.

“I’ve been trying to avoid him, if that wasn’t obvious.”

“I know. But by avoiding him, you’ve been avoiding everyone else.”

“Then tell him he needs to take a shift or two of the odd hours so that I can come around.” You snapped, though any anger faded from your voice immediately. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“What happened between the two of you?”

You sighed.

“It’s not worth talking about.”

“But it was worth breaking up over?”

You looked at her again. This time she could see it more clearly, how tired you were.

Inej took a seat next to you, taking the glass of alcohol that was on the counter in front of you.

“This city will kill anyone who stays here long enough. Every day is another fight, and I just want to rest.” You said softly. “Jesper will stay here until Kaz tells him otherwise.”

“Why haven’t you left then?” She asked, the answer written all over your face.

You looked at the alcohol before looking back at her and shaking your head.

“I don’t know. It’s be easier if I could.”

You left some kruge on the bar top before standing up, stumbling slightly before catching yourself and walking home.

Inej followed you in the shadows, making sure that you got home safely before heading back to the Slat, your words ringing in her ears.

“We need your help.” 

Bitterness rose up out of nowhere at the sound of Kaz’s voice- it hadn’t always been this way. You once cared about him almost as much as Jesper and Inej.

“There are other Inferni in this city, you know.”

“Yes. Probably ones who don’t smell like alcohol as well, but none that I trust as much as you.”

“Ha.” You deadpanned, turning around to face him.

He took one quick glance at you before looking around the warehouse you had been squatting in.

“This is the last thing I’ll ever ask of you, since you no longer seem interested in being a Crow.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to.” He shot back quickly, tapping his cane absentmindedly. “We’re meeting tonight. You know where to find us.”

“I’ll come with you. Just give me a couple minutes to get ready.”

“Fine.” He said, turning away and looking towards the entrance that he had came through. “You broke his heart, you know. Breaking up with him.”

You gathered your gun and your knives, his words cutting into your skin.

“It broke my heart as well, if that makes you feel any better.”

“It doesn’t, believe it or not.” He said, getting awfully close to expressing a human emotion. “Remind me to never fall in love with anyone.”

You scoffed, involuntarily thinking of Inej.

“What?” He asked and even without looking at him, you could tell that his eyes had narrowed.

You shook your head.

“Nothing. From my experience, you didn’t get to choose that kind of thing.”

The rest of the way, the two of you walked in silence. 

Your heart thumped in your chest as you stood in front of the Slat, dreading the prospect of seeing Jesper again.

He did his best not to look at you as you walked into the Slat, the other Crows giving you a warm, if not slightly awkward, welcome.

It’s a straightforward enough plan- infiltrate the party to gain access to the safe, use your powers to get into the safe, leave with the documents.

It’s simple enough, except it all goes to shit, because of course it does.

The actual safe-breaking is the easiest part of the gig- you’re all outside when the guards show up and start shooting without asking questions, leading to a gunfight, with pairs of Crows isolated from another.

It all feels like it happens in slow motion: someone fires a gun, Jesper is facing the other way, oblivious that a bullet is about to find purchase in his chest.

Your feet move faster than your mind does and you bodied him, the two of you falling onto the ground.

You looked at him.

His eyes, his beautiful eyes were wide with surprise and confusion, his eyebrows scrunched together, bracing the impact of the tackle.

“What do you think you’re-” He started, his tone indignant before his eyes were drawn to the red stain blossoming on your chest. “What did… what did you do? Nina!”

His voice came out as more of a scream and he maneuvered you gently so that you were laying on the cobblestone ground.

Your training in the Second Army, a distant memory from your childhood, might have prepared you for what getting shot feels like if you had stayed longer.

Or maybe not- maybe it would have always hurt this much.

Jesper put his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look at him, his skin cool against yours.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. Don’t close your eyes. Just keep looking at me.”

He’s pretty when he’s fawning over you and you listen to him, look at him, your eyes locking on his.

In his eyes, you see a future.

You see yourself recovering from this, the two of you getting back together, any distance that was in between the two of you made small in the shadow of death.

You see the two of you taking trips out to the countryside, the two of you holding hands, every second the two of you spend together a promise.

It’s all so distant now, tomorrow creeping farther and farther away from your grasp

You lifted your arm, your strength fading from you fast. Your hand settled on his face, cupping his cheek and wiping away a tear that had formed.

You have so much to say still- so many apologies and I love you’s and conversations- you don’t have enough time.

“I’d do it again.” You settle for, trying to assuage the notions of guilt already forming in his head. 

His face crumples and Nina rushes over, finally, but there is nothing to be done. 

She is not a healer and you are dying.

“Nina, you have to do something. Nina, you have to fix it, please.”

Your hand falls from his face and he grabs it, holding it tightly. 

Your hands are cold.

“I love you, Jes.” You say, his name an exhalation of air.

“I love you too. Don’t go.” He begs.

Only Nina hears.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: blood, violence, knife violence, threats, weapons

AO3 link

Chapter 10 - Kaz

Kaz cracked his knuckles, surveying the blood splattered across his gloves. The man in front of him whimpered, leaning as far away from Kaz as his restraints would allow. His nose was broken and spewing blood faster than one of the ugly city fountains outside the exchange. Kaz’s clock was ticking down - he was supposed to meet Inej in only a few minutes, and he needed to get back to the Slat yet. 

“Are we done here?”

He opened his mouth, only for more thick, black blood to spill over his lips and drip down his face, bubbling in the corner of her mouth. Kaz sighed.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Money by next week, you skip town and I put a bullet in your skull. Nod if you understand,”

He nodded.

“Good,”

Kaz turned on his heel and snatched his cane back from Anika, who was standing in wait next to him, and they began to pace back together. 

“What time is it?”

“Almost five bells,” said Anika, before shoving her little fake-gold watch back into her pocket, “How much does he owe you?”

“A little north of three thousand kruge. You would know that if you read the paperwork I gave you,”

Anika shrugged, and Kaz rolled his eyes. No wonder anyone else ever got anything done around here.

Almost five bells. He was going to be late - he’d have to forgo the Slat and go straight to meet Inej. 

“There’s a line of credit waiting for you at the Crow Club,” he told Anika, “Keep the tables busy. But I need you to stop and update the old man first - and tell him I’m changing some of the shift schedules,”

There was a particular bruiser at the Club that Kaz wanted on a new pattern, so he could see if he was right about him - Big Bolliger. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bag of coins, tossing them to Anika; her money for tonight’s job, which seemed more than generous considering she threw two punches then just stood there holding his cane. 

“Tell Jesper he has a line of credit as well, but only for the Crow Club. He wants to wander off and get himself into deep shit again I’m not digging him out of it,”

Anika nodded and turned away, as Kaz began to make his way to the meeting point to see Inej. Halfway between East Stave and the University District would be the Financial District, but there was no safe place to meet undetected in the area and Inej could traverse the city much more quickly and subtly than Kaz could, so they were to meet in the Barrel - far South, below the Staves, where the tourists were fewer and the drinks were cheaper, if you cared about that. Kaz wasn’t drinking tonight and he sincerely doubted Inej would be either, but it was hardly a suspicious meeting place for two Barrel rats to wander into a rowdy bar even if they didn't order anything. The hope was that it would be busy enough no-one could overhear them, and far enough away from their usual haunts for anyone to try to do so anyway. By the time Kaz arrived, bad leg complaining at every step in the sudden turn the weather had taken to this damp, drizly misery, Inej was already inside. Kaz nodded to the barkeep and waited for two waters to be placed in front of him, then slid into Inej’s otherwise empty booth. Only when he planted the glasses on the table did she look up.

“I was starting to think you weren’t coming,”

“I was delayed,” he replied, picking up his water without making eye contact.

“I can see that,” Inej murmured, and Kaz realised that her gaze was focused on the blood splattered across his shirt.

He sighed - he wasn’t in the mood to deal with Inej’s righteousness tonight. Or this morning, actually. Dawn was just beginning and the distant, dreary sun leaked through the clouds and crawled over the window sill to vaguely illuminate the booth Inej had chosen. She always chose somewhere with a window, if it was an option. Kaz looked up and saw the sunlight catching in her oil black lashes, fanning lightly over her cheeks as she lowered her eyes to the table and collected one of the discarded menus laying between them. The sky was pink and yellow and golden orange, and when she glanced back up Kaz could see the reflection of it shimmering in Inej’s dark brown eyes. Even the pale, dreary sunlight could turn to glitter in her eyes, like stolen stars shimmering at him across the table. He tensed. 

“Well?”

“Well, all the food here looks terrible,” said Inej, sighing and dropping her menu back onto the desk, “I love Nina but she's a terrible cook; I need real food. But in other news, we have a problem,”

“Problem?”

Inej drummed her fingers against the desk, eyes still flicking through the disappointing menu. 

“I’m not sure local fish is as appealing as they think it is,” she mused, “I’ve seen the water here; there’s nothing good living it,”

Something about the environment of the city? Kaz didn’t have time to crack codes Inej was making up on the spot. He opened his mouth to tell her so, but just as he did she glanced up at the other patrons of the inn, then went back to idly skimming through the menu. Kaz followed her gaze, and his eyes found a Black Tips tattoo sitting at the bar. Dammit - it was a good job Inej was paying attention, because apparently Kaz wasn’t.

“Maybe that’s because they’ve taken all the fish out. What’s the problem?”

“That,” she said, turning over her menu to look at the drinks, “The fish is gone,”

Kaz almost choked on his water.

“Excuse me?”

Inej looked up.

“You lost the target?” he hissed, leaning forwards over the table. 

Inej’s eyes flashed so briefly that Kaz thought he might have imagined it. He flexed his fingers over the crow’s head of his cane as he leant back again, attention flicking towards the thug at the bar. The bruiser wasn’t looking in their direction but that didn’t mean he didn’t know they were there, and if he’d seen them he’d surely recognised them. It wasn’t an unimaginable thing for them to be here and it wasn’t an unimaginable thing for this to be a coincidence, but Kaz didn’t trust coincidences. Neither did Inej, but fate and rotten luck were a debate for another day. 

“Oh, they do cocktails,” she smiled, “I didn’t expect that,”

Something out of character had happened - rotten old inns at the bottom of the Barrel didn’t serve nice cocktails and rich kids with question marks on them didn’t just disappear - and Inej hadn’t been ready to respond to it. Kaz sighed, then begrudgingly took the bait.

“Are you going to order one?”

“I probably shouldn’t,” she mused, lightly, “the last time I had something as strong as these my head ached an entire week,”

He’s been missing for a week.

“A week?” Kaz spat, struggling to control his tone.

“Well I thought maybe it was just illness,” 

He missed a few days of classes, but people get ill and when they get ill if they’re rich enough they stay at home. It wasn’t worth reporting on.

“But now I’m quite sure it was something else,”

Something else is going on - something more sinister?

“So I had a good think about what could have caused it,”

Scoped out the house, probably the university offices too, just looking for news.

“And I decided the solution was probably to quit drinking,”

Kaz frowned. Had he followed that one right?

“You mean-?”

“Withdrawn,” she dropped her menu and lifted her glass of water to her lips, “Completely out of nowhere; no word of anything since. I felt completely rotten, I’ll tell you, holed up alone in my room and didn’t speak to anyone for days,”

There was a pause. Kaz nodded, slowly.

“There’s nothing I want to eat here,” said Inej, standing up, “We should go back to the Crow Club,”

Kaz stood, leaning heavily against his cane. His leg was grateful for the brief reprieve but Inej was right; they needed to move, so they could lay this out properly and so they were out of here before that Black Tip got ideas. Only they were too late for that.

As soon as they both stood up the bruiser turned towards them, a wicked dagger gleaming in his palm. Kaz sighed as several other patrons came to alert along with him, all drawing their weapons. The rest of the inn either panicked, fell completely silent, or both. Mostly both, actually.

“What business?”

The bruiser at the bar grinned.

“Not business this time, Dirtyhands,”

“Everything’s business,” Kaz said, catching Inej in the corner of his eye. 

He didn’t risk a nod, but she didn’t need any more signal than that fleeting moment of eye contact.

“And as flattered as I am that you’d go through all this just for us,” Kaz pretending to swallow a false yawn, “It’s been a long night. If you’ll excuse me,”

He took a step forwards, smiling at the sudden intensity that took hold of the motley crew surrounding him. They actually looked a little afraid - he was down by at least five men, his chance at a head count had been brief and the odds were about to swing in his direction but it was a fair estimate, and was yet to draw a weapon. And they were afraid. 

“You ain’t going anywhere,” snarled the thug who’d moved away from the bar to close in on Kaz, apparently some sort of ringleader to this group of clowns.

“I don’t know what your boss is after,” Kaz said coolly, “but you can tell him that he won’t get anywhere by having me killed - first and foremost because I have a nasty habit of coming back from the dead. And secondly-”

Kaz’s cane whipped around the back of the bruiser’s legs, finding pressure points in the the back of his knees to bring him stumbling to the ground whilst Kaz grabbed his arm and thrust it backwards until he felt the shoulder popping out the socket. The dagger clattered towards the ground and before anyone could draw breath Kaz’s good leg had come down on the handle so it spun upwards and he could catch it midair in his free, gloved hand. He pressed the blade against the bruiser’s throat.

“- because I don’t take kindly to threats. What’s your name?”

Silence. Kaz pressed the blade closer to the bruiser’s neck, so it just began to break the skin.

“What’s your name?”

“Velthuis,”

Kaz smiled, slowly.

“Even if you manage to kill me today, Velthuis,” he crooned, leaning closer, “you’re starting a war with the Dregs. You really think the Black Tips would survive such a proposition? Because I’m not sure they would,” he tightened his grip on the dagger, and Velthuis released a slight, pained yelp, “I’m definitely sure that you wouldn’t,”

He released him, and stepped back. Kaz had no more intention to start a war with the Black Tips than they did with him; he wasn’t going to kill one of their own in the middle of a busy inn with their own gang members watching, whether he could plead retaliation or not. If they were going to have to fight their way out of this, he needed this skiv to draw first blood.

“He don’t want you dead,” blubbered Velthuis, shaking his head, lifting a hand to the bare scratches Kaz had left on his neck as though they were an open, gaping wound, “Not yet, anyway,”

“What does he want?”

“Information,” he spat, “He wants the-”

Velthuis stopped, looking around and finally realising that Inej was no longer standing next to Kaz.

“Where did she go?”

“Who?”

“I - the Wraith, she was -”

A body thudded to the ground behind Kaz. And then another. And then another. 

They were still breathing, he was quite sure, but they’d be incapacitated for some time. Kaz smiled as he watched the horror spreading across Velthuis’ face. He stumbled to his feet, trying to back away from the sudden carnage, and fell straight into Inej’s knife as she appeared from the shadows behind him. He cried out as she grabbed his shoulder and leaned over, a second knife now pressed against his throat in as many minutes.

“I’ll take it as a compliment,” she breathed, “But you can tell your boss I’m not interested,”

“Let’s move,” said Kaz, turning towards the door.

She forced the bruiser to his knees and patted him lightly on the head, then walked to the door with Kaz following in her wake.

[moonshine999]

The Crows as Taylor Swift albums (pt.1)

because why would we have a sane method of characterisation

Kaz Brekker : Midnights 

♟️”And I wake up with your memory over me // That’s a real fucking legacy to leave” - Maroon 

♟️”Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism // Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time) // I wake up screaming from dreaming // One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving and life will lose all its meaning” - Anti-hero 

♟️”And the touch of a hand lit the fuse  // Of a chain reaction of countermoves // To assess the equation of you // Checkmate, I couldn’t lose” - Mastermind

♟️”Do you wish you could still touch…her? // It’s just a question” - Question…? 

♟️”Uh oh, I’m falling in love // Oh no, I’m falling in love again // Oh, I falling in love” - Labyrinth 

♟️”Spider-boy, king of thieves // Weave your little webs of opacity// My pennies made your crown” - Karma 

♟️”Passing by unbeknownst to me // Life is emotionally abusive// And time can’t stop me quite like you did” - Snow on the Beach 

♟️”All that bloodshed, crimson clover // uh-uh, sweet dream was over // my hand was the one you reached for // All throughout the Great War // Always remember// Uh-uh tears on the letter // I vowed not to cry anymore // if we survived the Great War” - The Great War

♟️”I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone // You said I have to trust more freely // But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire” - The Great War

♟️”Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness // ‘Cause it’s all over now, all out to sea” - Bigger than the whole sky

♟️”If I was some paint, did it splatter // On a promising grown man? // And if I was a child, did it matter // If you got to wash your hands?”- Would’ve could’ve should’ve

♟️”And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts // Memories feel like weapons” - Would’ve could’ve should’ve

♟️”Dear reader // Burn all the files, desert all your past lives // And I’d you don’t recognise yourself // That means you did it right “ - Dear Reader

♟️”Dear reader // The greatest of luxuries is your secrets // Dear reader // When you aim at the devil, make sure you don’t miss” - Dear Reader

Inej Ghafa : Speak Now

🪷”Left yourself in your warpath // Lost your balance on a tightrope // Lost your mind tryin' to get it back” - Innocent  

🪷”Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been // you’re still an innocent” - Innocent

🪷”My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea // You touch me once and it's really something “- Sparks Fly 

🪷”Maybe this is wishful thinkin' // Probably mindless dreamin'” - Back To December 

🪷”Miscommunications lead to fall out // So many things that I wish you knew // So many walls up I can't break through” - The Story Of Us

🪷”The battle's in your hands now // But I would lay my armor down // If you'd say you'd rather love than fight “- The Story of Us 

🪷”But I never thought I'd live to see it break // It's getting dark and it's all too quiet // And I can't trust anything now” - Haunted 

🪷”but Sophistication isn't what you wear, or who you know” - Better Than Revenge 

🪷”The playful conversation starts // Counter all your quick remarks // Like passing notes in secrecy” - Enchanted 

🪷“same old tired, lonely place // walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy // vanished when I saw your face // All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you” - Enchanted

🪷”The crowds in stands went wild // We were the kings and the queens// And they read off our names” - Long Live 

🪷”And the cynics were outraged // Screaming, "This is absurd" // ‘Cause for a moment // a band of thieves In ripped up jeans got to rule the world” - Long Live 

🪷”Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?” - Dear John 

🪷”Well maybe it’s me // And my blind optimism to blame // Or maybe it’s you and your sick need // to give love and then take it away” - Dear John

🪷”Memorise what it sounded like when your dad gets home // Remember the footsteps // Remember the words said // And all of your little brother’s favourite songs” - Never Grow Up

(Nina, Matthias, Jesper and Wylan are already posted)

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Tale of Stolen Hearts: Chapter XIV - Despise Your Heart

Chapter Summary: How will you get the famous blade?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Wylan Hendriks/Jesper Fahey

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky, Tolya Yul-Bataar, Kaz Brekker, Wylan Hendriks, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, The Disciple, Ohval Saran

Word Count: 3480

A/N: This chapter contains plot from the episodes five and six of season two. Happy reading!

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

You and others reach Shu-Han. You leave your companions and go to check on the shop. You return a few moments later. You walk to Kaz, Jesper, Wylan and Tolya.

'The teashop is open now,' you inform them and look at Kaz. 'So, you have fun. I will see you later.'

'You're not coming?' Kaz asks, frowning. Ah, how you love to spoil his perfectly crafted plans. You smirk at him.

'Kaz, darling, I'm a thief,' you say. 'I want something, I take it, not buy it. So, you try the nice way first. In the meantime, I'll check out the things if we have to do it my way.'

You wink at him and walk away. You plan to find out where the Disciple lives and how to break into his house. And get out, of course. Never forget the rule number one.

When you're done you meet with others at the rented apartment. Their faces tell you enough. They did not succeed.

'[Y/N], your abilities as a Heartrender are useful to you as a thief, are they not?' Tolya asks before you can find out what happened. 'Like controlling your heart and emotions?'

'Oh, yes, very useful,' you confirm. 'Why?'

'We think Ohval is the Disciple,' Wylan explains. 'Nina says her heartbeat was like a clock during their conversation.'

'Huh. That would explain the fact the Neshyenyer is in her house,' you say, sitting down. 'Am I to understand we're stealing it?'

'What did you find out?' Kaz asks instead of answering you.

'She lives just outside the city,' you say. 'I know all the entrance and exits. I don't know the traps however…'

'Traps?' Wylan asks, nervous.

'Dear Wylan, every respectable thief has traps in place they hold their treasures,' you explain.

'Why didn't I fell into a trap when I was visiting you?' Jesper asks. Your raise your eyebrows.

'Because I'm not stupid enough to invite you to a place with my treasures,' you answer and turn to Inej. 'You were tailing her. What did you find out?'

'When she stopped at the tea shop, she placed an order at the apothecary that she'll be picking up tonight,' Inej answers. 'I watched her at home a while and no one came or went except her.'

'So, while she's out of the house, Nina will tail her to make sure she stays out of the house,' Kaz says. 'The rest of us will go in and grab the blade.'

Zoya scoffs. Everyone looks at her

'You don't seriously expect me to break into this woman's house,' she says. 'That's why we took [Y/N], isn't it? She always prefers to work alone.'

'Yeah, but like I said, I don't know where the traps are and I'm assuming someone isn't willing to wait for me to find out,' you say, glaring at Kaz.

'There's no time,' Kaz says. You huff.

'See?' you ask. 'So, this one time I could use some help.'

'I'm a soldier, not a thief,' Zoya asks. 'Why else would I need you criminals?'

'Oh, there's much less of a difference there than you think,' Tolya says. Nina chuckles.

'You just keep eating your walnuts,' Zoya says, glaring at her, then looks at Kaz. 'I'll go with Nina.'

Nina coughs. She's clearly not happy about that idea.

'Are you sure you don't need me?' she asks. 'I mean, Zoya can tail Ohval.'

'Nina and Zoya will wait for Ohval at the apothecary,' Kaz decides. 'Follow her. If she starts heading home, buy us some time. Distract her.'

Everyone nods. Zoya looks at you.

'You've seen the house,' she says. 'Can you break in?'

'Zoya, when will you stop doubting me?' you ask with an amused smirk.

'Possibly the moment you decide to stop using sarcasm,' Zoya answers.

'Never then?' you ask. 'How cruel.'

'I honestly don't know who's worse,' Jesper whispers to Inej. 'Zoya and Nina or Zoya and [Y/N].'

'I heard that,' you say. Jesper flinches.

'You have elephant ears,' he says. You chuckle and look at him.

'Trust me, it's not always pleasant,' you say.

'How much heightened are your senses?' Nina asks curiously. You exhale slowly.

'Very,' you answer. 'They weren't always like that. But in the past years I used more and more my abilities. In the effect I grew more powerful.'

'Enough chit-chat,' Kaz says. 'Time to get to work. You ready?'

'To steal from the greatest thief?' you ask and grin. 'Of course, I am. I love a challenge after all.'

*

It's night. You reached outside Ohval's house. You start drawing on the ground.

'This house is traditional,' you say. 'It has a specific layout. We enter through the front courtyard, antechamber, middle courtyard, main chamber.'

'We sweep the entirety,' Kaz asks. 'How long will it take you to set up?'

'Um, I can have the door open in about five minutes,' Wylan says. 'And if Ohval trips it, we have two minutes before the firecrackers go off to get out.'

'Even if she returns prematurely, we cannot leave without the blade,' Inej says. In the meantime, you start on the first lock.

'Yes, the future of Ravka and my payment depend on it,' Kaz says. 'I'm aware.'

'It's more than the future of Ravka at stake,' Tolya says. 'If we fail, Shu Han, Fjerda, Ketterdam, and beyond, they'll feel the weight of the Darkling bare down on them.'

'Way to up the stakes,' Jesper says. You open the door. You enter the front courtyard. You get to open the door to the antechamber. Wylan sets his things by the door you walked in through. Jesper walks to him and they start talking quietly. Others observe you. Soon, the door is open.

'Jesper,' Kaz calls. 'We're going in. Close the doors behind you.'

You enter the antechamber. Only Wylan stays outside. You look for any traps.

'Spread out,' Kaz says. That's when you hear it. But it's Tolya that says it:

'I sense a heartbeat.'

'I thought the compound was empty,' Jesper says.

'It's faint,' Tolya says. 'Further in the house.'

'And old,' you add and your eyes go wide. 'Tolya, don't!'

But it's too late. He steps on a trap. The door behind and in front of you close. Toyla and Inej try to kick the exit door open. No use. Inej also tries to use her dagger.

'It's impenetrable,' she declares. Kaz knocks on the frames.

'The frames are made of metal,' he says.

'They're Durast-made,' Jesper, who's put the ear to another, says. You try to force the exit door open. That's when you hear mechanism cranking.

'That does not sound good,' Jesper says. You all look around nervously.

'There's something in the air,' Tolya says. You look up and see an orange smoke filling the air. You all start coughing.

'This is how we die,' Jesper says. One by one your companions fall on the ground, unconscious. Only you and Toyla hold up, using your Heartrened abilities to stay awake, trying to get rid of the gas from your bodies. You also still try to open the door.

'Wylan,' Toyla calls. But Wylan doesn't hear. Your vision blurs a little. You concentrate more on opening the door then your poisoned body. But you still persist.

'Wylan! Wylan!' Tolya calls.

'Tolya!' you finally hear.

'The air is poisoned!' Tolya calls. 'It's killing us!'

'Tolya!' Wylan calls from the other side. 'Jesper! Anyone? Hello?'

Behind you Tolya says something. Then you hear a thud. He's out, too. And you're going to be as well soon.

'Damn it…' you murmur, feeling yourself becoming weaker. 'Wylan… help…'

Then you hear a click. The door is unlocked. But you have no strength to push it. You cough and fall on your side.

'No…' you whisper and close your eyes, sighing deeply. 'Aleksander…'

When you open your eyes, you see an unfamiliar ceiling. You sit up with a start.

'Bad dream?' you hear a familiar voice beside you. You stiffen. You look to your left and see the face you long to see, smiling at you.

'Aleksander?' you ask.

'Would anyone else be in your bed?' your beloved chuckles, lifting himself up. 'I should hope not.'

He sits in front of you and smiles. You reach out and caress his cheek. Emotions swell in you.

'It's a dream, isn't it?' you ask. Aleksander touches your hand on his cheek.

'Why would it be a dream?' he asks.

'Because you're in Ravka, fighting with Alina and her supporters,' you answer and look around. 'Not here in… What is this place?'

'Novyi Zem,' Aleksander answers, embracing you. 'A place where we can just live in peace. Isn't that what you wanted?'

You did. Still do. And it feels so safe in his arms. So good. You want to stay there. But you know it's not real.

'What about Alina?' you ask. 'Ravka? Grisha?'

'They don't concern us,' Aleksander answers and kisses the top of your head. You smile sadly and pull away.

'This is how I know it's not real,' you say. 'You never give up.'

You kiss him softly. Your heart clenches.

'This is a fantasy,' you whisper. 'A nice fantasy. That I wish was true. But still a fantasy.'

'It could be real,' Aleksander says. You look at him pleadingly.

'Tell me how,' you beg him. 'How can I save you?'

Aleksander opens his mouth to answer. But before he can the room disappears. You're consumed by darkness.

You open your eyes with a gasp. You sit up abruptly. You hear a chuckle next to you. You turn your head and see Tolya grinning at you.

'How…?' you start and feel a weird taste in your mouth. 'What did I just eat?'

'You don't want to know,' Tolya answers and helps you up. Others are up as well.

'Is everyone alive?' you hear Wylan's voice… through a hole in the wall.

'We're alive,' Inej answers.

'Okay,' Wylan says.

'I owe you my life,' Tolya says to Inej. She shakes her head.

'It was Wylan,' she says. 'He saved us.'

'Wylan did?' Jesper asks, surprised.

'You're welcome,' Wylan says.

'We almost died, didn't we?' Jesper asks. 'Same time... I had the most incredible hallucination. Did anyone else get lulled into a… comforting sense of joy?'

'Yes,' you say after a moment, a hint of sadness in your voice.

'What did you see?' Tolya asks.

'What I left behind in Ravka,' you answer.

'I didn't see anything,' Kaz says.

'Neither did I,' Inej says. You and Tolya exchange a look. You both can tell they're lying. But decide not to say anything.

'All right, what's the plan?' Tolya asks.

'You said there was another heartbeat in the house,' Kaz says, turning his head. Tolya nods.

'Southeast corner,' he says. 'The heartbeat's weak.'

'It belongs to an old man,' you add and get looks. 'What? Trust me on this.'

'I suspect she built all of this to protect that heart,' Kaz says, taking a few steps around the room. 'Along with a different way in to get to it. [Y/N], if you could-'

'Done,' you interrupt him and push open the door to the inward courtyard. 'By the way, the other door is open as well.'

'What?' Wylan asks. 'So, I didn't have to make that hole?'

'I think if you'd just walked in, you would get the poison as well, so I think you did well,' you answer and turn to Kaz with a smile. 'What's next?'

*

The others stay in the chamber, going to work as a bait to Ohval. You and Kaz go further into the house, following the heartbeat.

'Do you think they're going to be alright?' you ask Kaz quietly. He just nods. You stop in front of one of the rooms.

'He's there,' you say. You open the door and look in. There's an old man on a wheelchair. He looks up when you enter.

'Who are you?' he asks, puzzled. You smile.

'We are so, sorry,' you say. 'We're art collectors from Kerch. We're visiting with our friends.'

'We are sorry to disturb you,' Kaz says. You quickly scan around the room. You smile, understanding.

'No, no, it's always nice to have visitors,' he says. 'You're art collectors, then?'

'Yes,' you say and walk to the man. 'And between you and me, I'm a great fan of your work.'

'My work?' the man asks. You smirk and show him your favourite lockpick. He gasps.

'Ah, I see!' he says and chuckles. 'What about you? Anything I heard about?'

'She stole the device that threatened to ruin all Grisha,' Kaz answers from you. The Disciple, as it's him, gasps.

'Sankta [Y/N],' he says and smiles. 'That was a nice job. A bit messy, but effective and with style. I liked it.'

'Thank you,' you say, touched. Kaz clears his throat.

'We were looking for your wife,' you say. 'I think she said she'll be in the inward courtyard? But we got a bit lost, you see.'

'Don't worry,' the Disciple says. 'If you can help me, I'll lead you there.'

You put your hands on his wheelchair and starts pushing. Kaz walks beside you. Finally, you reach the inward courtyard. You find there Ohval killing all your friends.

'Here she is!' the Disciple says and Ohval is forced to stop. 'Sweetheart, we have visitors. Art collectors from Kerch.'

'I know, dear,' Ohval says with a smile. 'I was just about to offer them tea.'

She turns to Tolya. She speaks to him in Shu:

'He's not part of this.'

'These are the collectors we were telling you about,' Kaz says to The Disciple. 'They'll be pleasantly surprised to meet you, the great thief of the art world. The Disciple.'

'This is The Disciple?' Jesper asks with disbelief, pointing at the old man.

'Have we met before?' The Disciple asks, confused.

'Yes, in your room just now,' Kaz answers. 'And I've met your wife. In Bhez Ju. We had tea there.'

'Bhez Ju Museum,' The Discpile says and looks at you. 'The support beams are under every second section of the floor. The others creak. Important to know the secrets of a place.'

'Truly,' you agree, nodding, while Kaz gives Ohval a meaningful look.

'If anything happens to him, I will kill you all,' Ohval says to Tolya in Shu.

'All we want is the Neshyenyer,' Tolya assures her in Shu, shaking his head.

'The Neshyenyer?' The Disciple asks. 'I stole it for her.

'Please, dear,' Ohval says.

'It was the last piece I stole before we decided I should retire,' The Disciple continues. 'Anyway, you couldn't really call it stealing. It was hers to begin with. She made it.'

'I'm sorry,' Jesper says, frowning. 'Did you say she made it?'

The Disciple stands up. He walks shakily to Ohval and they join hands.

'Hours of work,' he says. 'Prayers. And tears. To fight the unkillable army created by the clock worker Kho.'

'Three days and nights she fought the unstoppable soldiers,' Tolya says after chuckling softly. 'And when the last soldier fell, she laid down the weapon. And it was named Neshyenyer. "Relentless". We are honored to be in your presence, Sankta Neyar.'

One by one your friends kneel. Only you and Kaz remain standing.

'Sankta Neyar?' Inej asks in awe.

'Come, my love,' Ohval says. 'Let's get you to bed.'

She puts The Disciple back on his chair. He exhales, tired. She looks up at you and Kaz.

'This is our sanctuary,' she says. 'Where we can sleep peacefully. Not have to worry about thieves and bandits like you.'

'We're not bandits,' Kaz denies.

'No one gets past the poison,' Ohval says, looking at you all. 'You're just a child, really.'

'A child who understood your weakness,' Kaz says.

'"Weakness",' Ohval repeats in a scoff. 'Four hundred years I've been alive. I've seen them all die. My family. All my loved ones. Taken away from me by time. Hundreds of years I closed my heart, as if that was the solution to ending all pain. What a safe way to live. What a small way, as well. You guard against pain. You guard against joy. But when you allow yourself to be blindsided by love… two worlds make a universe.'

Ohval's words hit you heart. Because this is the life you've lived. Before you met Aleksander. And your world colliding with his created a beautiful universe. If only for a short moment.

'He's not my weakness,' Ohval says. 'He's my universe. And I will see him through his days. Sharing every moment… until he is part of the night sky. What do I care about a blade? What do you care about a blade?'

'The Darkling has created an unkillable army made of shadow,' Kaz answers. 'Your sword is the only one sharp enough to cut them down.'

'That sounds like Ravka's problem,' Ohval says.

'You think he would be stopped by a line on a map?' Kaz asks. Ohval covers her beloved's ears.

'I think I can still kill you where you stand before you can blink,' she says. Others stand up.

'Sankta Neyar, I have met the Sun Summoner who will take leadership in Ravka if the Darkling is gone,' Tolya says, walking to you, and you flinch and his words. 'She is benevolent, and she is also Shu. She could be the living bridge between our two countries, but that can only happen if you grant us use of the blade.'

'Use of it?' Ohval asks with disbelief. 'All this just to borrow the blade?'

'All this just to protect your husband in his sleep?' you ask and smile softly. 'We each fight for what matters most.'

'And on my life, I will make sure that it is returned to its rightful home,' Tolya says. 'With you, Sankta Neyar.'

'Ohval,' the woman corrects him with a small smile. 'The last thing I need are... pilgrims crowding my gate.'

'Is it time for bed now, darling?' The Disciple asks.

'All of you, out,' Ohval says to you and you gather to leave, but she points at Jesper. 'Except for you, in the hat. I'll give the blade to you. Alone.'

Jesper stays while the rest of you heads to the exit. You're almost at the door when you hear Ohval's voice:

'Wait.'

You all turn. She's looking at you.

'You wait here,' she says. 'I need to speak with you.'

You're puzzled by it, but you nod. Jesper goes with The Disciple and Ohval, while the rest of your friends leave. You wait, alone. Finally, Jesper comes out with the sword in his hands. You are, however, focused on Ohval. Jesper leaves and you two are left alone.

'Do you know why I want to speak with you?' Ohval asks and you shake your head. 'I saw the look in your eyes when I was telling you about my life. You've lived like that, too, didn't you?'

'Yes,' you say quietly. 'I thought love is not meant for me. Until I met someone and… I was so happy. Do you know why I steal things?'

Ohval shakes her head. She looks at you with curiosity.

'Because I want things that aren't mine,' you say. 'Because I'm jealous what others have. But most importantly… I'm jealous they have someone who loves them. For years I didn't have someone like that. Until I did. And I had to leave them. And even though my heart breaks… I'm glad I got to know them.'

'Love is worth any pain,' Ohval says, nodding. 'But I can see a fight inside of you. What is it?'

'I fear the one I love is no longer the person I fell in love with,' you answer after a moment with tears in your eyes. Ohval understands quickly.

'The Darling,' she guesses. You nod and smile.

'My greatest theft wasn't like Kaz said to your husband stealing the device that threatened all Grisha,' you say. 'It was stealing his heart. Because even I haven't realised I did it.'

'You won't know by wondering,' Ohval says after a moment. 'Maybe he still can be saved. But if so, it can only be done by a person he loves. And who loves him back. Did you see him in your hallucinations?'

You nod. She smiles at you.

'Then, you know what to do,' she says. You think for a moment. Then determination fills your eyes. You nod and take her hands in yours.

'Thank you,' you say. She nods.

'We Saints have to have each other's back,' she chuckles. You grin and nod. You let go of her, nod your farewell at her and join others.

You set off. Your friends are chatting among themselves. But you don't listen to them. In your mind is only one thought.

I'm coming to save you, Aleksander.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47256868/chapters/120642712

[fandomscompilation]

The story of two broken souls (Kaz Brekker x Reader) Part 6

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: eventual Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: mentions of death, threats, alcohol consumption

A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the long wait, but I was finish my master degree, so the last weeks were quiet hectic. But here's another part and I'll try to post more frequently from now on. Enjoy this part and let me know what you think! The taglist and requests are open!

Taglist: @d34drapunzel @coldheartedmar @igakc

Gif is not mine!

Three days went by of me working the long shifts at the bar. I figured that Kaz wanted me in the Club, so people would see me there all the time and couldn't connect me to Blade. It was a smart move and I enjoyed the calmness of a regular job. Of course there were times when Rotty or any other Dreg on duty had to step in, but mostly I handled the drunken men with a gentle voice and a flirty smile. They were so easy to manipulate and the tips kept on coming. The dream I had was still in my mind, but I tried to push it to the back of it.

It was another late evening when Jesper barged in panting and took a seat at the bar.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." I laughed putting whiskey in front of him and making sure it was on my tab. He downed the glass in one go and breathed out.

"The Void Blade was found dead." He said quickly and I raised my eyebrows. I thought Kaz would at least tell me when that would happen.

"How?" I asked whipping down the part of bar close to him.

"Some guy found her body in a back alley. She had two shot wounds on her back. People say that somehow one of her enemies managed to hire an assassin that got her from behind. Poor girl didn't know he was there." Jesper said asking for a refill and I poured him another glass.

"I can believe that. From what I heard she was quiet skilled in fighting." I said getting a pint of beer for another customer.

"The coward that killed her would've been dead if he faced her face on." He huffed downing another glass.

"If you're done with gossip go back to your door duty." Kaz's voice said sternly from behind him and we both looked his way before Jesper send me a small smile and went to do so.

"Drink?" I asked Brekker making him shake his head.

"Stop giving him free alcohol. He has to pay like everyone else." Kaz reprimanded making me shrug.

"I didn't put it on his tab." I smiled quickly and went to attend to others at the bar. It was already getting crowded and even when there were two of us we had plenty of work.

Brekker hovered for a few second watching me carefully before heading to the stairs and probably to his office. I fully focused on serving drinks, but I kept on replying Jesper's words in my head. It was good to know that Kaz chose to kill Blade that way. Bullets to the back where she couldn't protect herself. But the part of assassin, I wasn't so sure about. People might want to find out who hired him, they might want to take revenge. I just hoped he made sure to not leave any tracks.

For the rest of my shift I heard stories about the Blade. Some made me smile lightly, others gave me an urge to kill the drunken men. But I kept my act of a normal bartender up. It all went smoothly before I was given the green light to leave for the night. I said my goodbyes and waved at Rotty going to the Slat. There were Dregs sitting around and making my way up to my room I heard snippets of their own meetings with the Blade.

People believed that she was dead, but I could tell that the stories won't be forgotten for a long time. It gave me a sense of comfort to know that even in such a twisted city as Ketterdam I managed to make a change.

The only downfall to this was the fact that I could no longer protect the innocent woman. But I had to make that sacrifice in order to bring Pekka down. It was time to make sure his kingdom would fall together with him.

I ran my fingers over the mask that was made for Blade. I told Kaz that I would give him my equipment to bury with the fake body, but I could never part with the real things. So I had duplicates made, perfect copies of my twin blades, mask and clothes. The real thing was in front of me and I hoped that one day I'd be able to put them back on and bring my enemies down.

"I don't appreciate liars." I huffed hearing Brekker speak up from behind me.

"I didn't lie per say. I gave you my equipment. But not the main one." Shrugging I closed the chest and turned to face him. He was hovering near my doors with a tense look.

"If anyone finds those-"

"I'll kill them." My answer cut his words off and silence followed. We eyed each other carefully, calculating. "Don't forget I'm not a part of your gang, Brekker. We made a deal and I work for you only to get my revenge."

"You live under my roof. You will obey orders as other Dregs do." His tone showed irritation and I could understand why he wasn't too happy. Here I was, living in the Slat, working in the Crow Club and going against him.

"You have no right to order me around beyond my bar duties." I seethed stepping closer. "I am The Void Blade and if I decide that I don't need you or that this won't benefit me you will do nothing but let me go. I'm here to bring Rollins down, if you see it differently then maybe we should end this right now." Brekker tensed at the mention of Pekka, but I knew he would. He eyed me with resentment, but I knew he needed me.

"You work for me. No matter if it's behind the bar or on a heist. You should know better." His words were flat, emotionless lines. "You're the Void Blade, but I'm Dirtyhands. If you want to compare strengths go ahead." I clenched my jaw at the blatant threat. I knew I could take him down faster than he would raise his cane. But I needed him the same way he needed me. I was an assassin, a murderer, while he was the mastermind drowning in the blood of his enemies. Where one lacked the other filled in, such irony.

"Get out of my room." I said sending him a glare. He watched me for a second before turning around to head out.

"Be ready tomorrow. You'll go with Inej to gather intel, so it's not suspicious that you know the city too well." Kaz said and left. I groaned sitting on my bed. This was supposed to be easier. I simply wanted to be on the sidelines, working from the shadows. But Brekker was trying to turn in me into one of his Crows. Oh how naïve was I to trust such a twisted man.

[bookworm-center]

Dirtyhands and the Bloodbender: Chapter II- Rollins' Job

Previous part below:

Dirtyhands and the Bloodbender

Y/n L/n: Rollins' Job

We head back to the Slat, watching for any more Dime Lions around. Kaz made too many enemies, and if I'm honest, so have I.

Luckily- or perhaps it wasn't luck at all- we made it to the Slat without any more mishaps. We make our way up to Kaz's office, Jesper trailing a little further behind, as though he was unsure whether he was wanted.

I perch myself on Kaz's desk, tossing a pen up and down, whilst Kaz sits in his chair and Jesper stands in the doorway rather awkwardly.

"What did Rollins want?" Kaz asks.

I raise an eyebrow. "You're not going to ask how I am? Honestly Brekker, would it hurt to have some manners?" I didn't particularly care to be honest, (I wasn't polite myself) but it was fun to tease Kaz.

Kaz glares at me. "My darling Y/n, treasure of my heart, how are you doing this dreadful evening in Ketterdam?"

I blink. He doesn't usually respond. "Fine thanks." I reply before grabbing a map of Ketterdam and rolling it out on the table. "Rollins wants some documents from the Merchant Council."

Kaz scoffs, annoyed Rollins was wasting our time with this. I was too, but a deal's a deal. "Why can't Rollins get them himself?"

I shrug, rolling the map back up. "He didn't say. He didn't even say what the documents were, he only described them."

"His price?" Jesper asks. Kaz looks at him, before asking the same question himself.

"Ten thousand kruge."

"For a few documents? What did you get us into?" Jesper asks.

I don't answer that. "He wants them tomorrow, so unfortunately Inej can't help because she's on a job."

"Then we'll make do. Meet here tonight. No mourners." Kaz says, making his way to leave his office.

"No funerals." Jesper and I respond, leaving behind Kaz.

Later that night, I head back to Kaz's office, like he had requested. Technically, it was more of an order, as he is a superior, but I don't like to think of that. I knock on the door, to no response, then see myself inside. Kaz sits at his desk, rummaging through papers and maps. He has a look of distaste on his face and I know it's because of Rollins.

"Brick by brick." I say. He looks up, gives me a slight nod, and goes back to work. He knew what I meant as it was something he said to me often. Brick by brick. Brick by brick we will take down Pekka Rollins, the man who ruined each of our lives. Kaz had never told me why he hated Rollins but it must have been bad if he was on the receiving end of the full force of Dirtyhands' wrath.

Jesper strolls in a moment later, slinging his guns and, as always, late. Before Kaz can make this observation and berate Jesper for it, Jesper speaks. "I think we need a demo man."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Jes, you ask for a demo man for every job. We just need to be in and out. A demo man would blow our cover."

Jesper seems to sink, knowing I am right. Poor guy. I bet he just wants an excuse to hang out with Wylan, Kaz's newest recruit. Knowing Jesper, Wylan already had enough on his plate after dealing with the Zemini flirt.

It takes longer than expected to get to the office as we run into a group of stadwatch, but we manage to leave before it becomes a big deal. We enter through the second floor office window, and it's surprisingly easy to find the documents Rollins wants. I begin to suspect it's a trap and from the calculating look on Kaz's face, he's thinking the same thing.

Gunshots ring from every corner of the office building, bursting the walls and windows into smithereens. Kaz curses under his breath, Jesper already loading his guns and firing. I can't see anyone through the haze of smoke. For any ordinary Grisha that would stop them, but lucky for me, I'm not normal at all.

I raise my left hand. A bullet instantly sinks through the flesh. I bite back a shout as Jesper shoots my attacker. It's good that I don't need both hands to use my small science. I moved my fingers in puppeteer like motions, pulling at invisible strings. My eyes are closed to focus more. Our attackers are dead within minutes, stabbing or shooting themselves with their own weapons.

Kaz looked at me with what I'd like to think is an appreciative expression. I shrug, keeping the blood in my hand from dripped with my power. We dashed down the stairs and out the door, running back to the Crow Club as fast as we could. I lag behind, waiting for Kaz. He would never admit it, but today was one of those days when his leg hurt a bit more than usual.

We arrived at the Crow Club sweating and panting. My hand hurt but not so much that I couldn't bear it. The sun begins to set behind the horizon, the street lights coming alive. "You're staying here." Kaz rasped out.

I smirk, patting Jesper on the back. "Sorry Jes. Looks like you're left behind."

"No. Y/n, stay here." Kaz said, drumming his fingers on his cane.

"What? Kaz, I'm your right hand." I protested.

"Not today. Not with Rollins." With that Jesper and Kaz walked away. Jesper shot me a sorry expression, but followed Kaz. I huffed, kicking at a table leg, then leaving the Crow Club to wander the Barrel.

[sidhewrites]

24! Here we go! Don't talk to me about pacing it's fine everything's fine

Project Info

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Terror and confusion erase all other thoughts as my muscles work my limbs into order. I feel my body sit upright, my joints popping strangely. And in my head, something cold and oily seeps in, filling up the gaps in my consciousness and settling in like a new roommate.

Hello, it seems to say. I could get used to this.

Nausea crawled up my throat, and I heaved again, more bile dribbling down my chin. Again, my mouth moved on its own, someone else using my voice for their words. "Sorry, my dear," they said. "This has been nice, but I've got something to do." I feel my muscles extend and contract, pushing my body up from the bench. It's uncoordinated and awkward. My knees still hurt from my gardening two days ago, but my joints feel cold now. My bones are wrong. I don't know how to describe it. I've suddenly been pushed into the passenger seat of my own body, my mind occupying a space in my head that I'm not used to, watching someone else take control and learn the controls.

Lucy follows me as I go, brows furrowed. "Kaz? Is something wrong?" 

I don't miss that hint of hurt in her voice, and I try to open my mouth and tell her that something's wrong, but it doesn't work. My head swivels towards her, but my smile comes out all wrong. It doesn't meet my eyes. It's unkind. "It's been lovely. But I best be going."

She stops for a moment, watching me go. I think -- I hope she realizes what's going on. I don't know what's happening, but it isn't me. Those words aren't mine.

"Kaz...?"

[Somehow magnus tells lucy the plan. I'm going to the mine. I deserve some quiet after all this. Thank goodness kaz so kindly gave me a direct path to her soul.]

She reaches out, grabs my arm. For a moment, her hand is solid, holding on to me, stopping my body in its tracks. But whatever tether is keeping her in this world fades, and her hand slips right through me, sending a bolt of dread shooting down my spine.

It's enough to shake Magnus's control on my body. I stumble, hands waving, and I let out a curse all my own. "Shit Christ." I hiss, landing hard on the ground and no doubt skinning my knee under my pants all over again. But I have to act fast -- I need to do -- something.

"Get Josie," I choke out, before Magnus wraps himself around my consciousness once more. Lucy watches me for a moment, wringing her hands, before Magnus turns my head away from the light and towards the darkest parts of the graveyard.

I can do nothing but watch as he carries me out to the historical quarter, pausing a moment to look at his grave. "It's a lovely job you did, dear Kaz," he says with a satisfied grin. "The roses are so well-kept now, aren't they? A shame you won't be able to tend to them again." He shrugs, and turns towards the mine

I want to beg him to stop, but I can't work my jaw, and my thoughts are jumbled in fear. He seems to get the idea, however, and lets out a low chuckle that rumbles in my chest. His next words come to me as his own thoughts, leaking through from his mind into mine, and I understand what he wants to do.

There's no escaping the noise of a modern world. The lights, the people -- they're ever present, and they'll only get worse. But he knows where he can go to avoid it all. Abandoned, silent, quiet.

I feel his satisfaction, an oily smugness floating around in my head. I feel him planning in there, plotting out the fastest route to the mine's entry. Through a hole in the fence, down a walking trail in the woods, to the first of many mine entrances blocked off by heavy gates. I've never thought to wrench one open, but the iron is decades old and poorly maintained. Rust has eaten away at the bars, leaving it a sharp, tetanus-filled portal into darkness.

Stop, I want to scream, but he doesn't. He puts my hands on the bars, slicing the skin open, and begins to pull. My muscles burn with the effort, and he laughs.

"It's been a while since I've felt the strain of physical effort," he says. "It feels good." When my grip slips, a piece of iron slices my hand open, and he laughs, thrilled at the novelty of pain. "Look at that," he says, admiring the rust and blood staining my hand red. "I'm bleeding again. I didn't realize how much I missed this." Magnus lets out one more laugh, and sets at the bars again.

It takes time. I hear footsteps in the distance, leaves crunching underfoot. In a panic, he shoves himself at the bars, trying to press my body in the space between them, but it does nothing but shake rust off the metal and into my lungs. No matter how much control Magnus has over my body, he can't stop me from bending over double and coughing, red-tinged spit now dripping from my mouth.

I feel his frustration growing like a flame in the middle of my forehead.

The metal screams into the night as he manages to bend it back, pulling the bar away just enough to worm his way inside. The dim light barely makes it ten feet past the gate. Magnus stumbles over the first uneven crack in the stone ground, just as Lucy winds up in front of the gate, peering in. She reaches out, maybe thinking to phase right through the iron, but her hand stops the second it reaches a bar.

"This is...new," she says, frowning. But even if she's become corporeal in the past few hours, she has barely any strength beside it. Her hand slips right through the metal with the slightest bit of pressure as Josie steps in beside her, sizing up the damage I had already done.

"Hold on, Kaz. We're coming."

"Don't bother," Magnus hisses, and moves further into the shadows, nearly tripping over another unseen rock. "Damnation. I need something to see."

My mind goes unbidden to the phone in my pocket, and Magnus latches onto the thought before I can suppress it. He may not fully understand what the device is, but he's smart enough to pull it out and feel for the buttons.

With a single click, the screen lights up -- informing us that it's 12:53 in the morning, and that I have three notifications waiting to be read. Magnus spares a single, "Fascinating," before flipping the phone around and using the screen's meager light to show us what's up ahead. A long stone corridor stretches out into the blackness, lichen and moss growing on the walls. Rotting wooden support beams break up the monotonous stone walls, but I don't trust their structural integrity.

Magus doesn't seem to care. When my phone times out and the screen goes dark, he clicks the button again, and starts to run, leaving Lucy and Josie far behind.

I hear their voices echoing along the stone, getting smaller. "We're coming!" they promise. I try my best to believe.

Tag List

@adaughterofathena

@ambreeskyewriting

@carnelianflames

@feather-dancer

@halfbloodlycan

@nadunacreates

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[usmsgutterson]

The Halloweek of Angst: DAY EIGHT

Halloween- Kaz Brekker

Okay!! Final day of the halloweek event, but not the final day of fic consistence!! I have another event starting in roughly seven hours, and that’s fics every sunday, monday, wednesday and friday for all of november because when I listened to Midnights by Taylor Swift, I decided I simply couldn’t resist. 

Fic type- I was aiming for angst but I think I landed more in hurt/comfort territory

Warnings- kaz is probably a bit ooc, and for those reading who aren’t cat people, a cat does show up in this

THE FIRST OCTOBER

“I do not, for the record,” you said to Jesper as the two of you walked up Fifth Harbor. 

The walks had been a weekly tradition of yours since Jesper had initially joined up with the Dregs, the two of you meeting at a place along the harbor that sold tea for a steep price and walking along the streets of it for a bit, needing an excuse to vent and window shop without judgement. 

“You do,” Jesper said. “You are in love with him, Y/N. Kaz would see it, too, if he weren’t so adamant that love was a weakness, if he would confront his feelings when he felt them rather than saving such things for when he quite literally can’t avoid confronting them anymore.”

“I do not love Kaz Brekker,” you said. “I am not in love with him. I never have been in love with him, and I never will be.” But you were lying, both to Jesper and to yourself.

You’d been in love with Kaz Brekker since you were fifteen years old. At eighteen, the only thing you had to acknowledge that were letters that you’d been writing to nobody in particular, ones in which you described or mentioned it. 

“I know that he doesn’t love you back, and I respect you for being able to handle that,” Jesper said. “If Wylan didn’t love me too, I ought to think I might perhaps just go mad with it.” 

You could handle a love that forever remained unrequited. You could.

Or, really, you supposed it was something you told yourself to make getting through the day with the knowledge that Kaz Brekker did not love you and simply never would a bit easier. You told yourself such things to avoid acknowledging that your love would remain unrequited until you moved passed it, found someone else who could take up your every waking thought.

“Have you bought the boat tickets yet?” Jesper asked, changing the subject only slightly as he noticed you didn’t respond. ”Have you even given it enough thought?”

“One boat ticket to Ravka,” you nodded. “I board on Halloween.”

“Will you be back?” Jesper asked. “Don’t you dare tell me I’m losing my best friend because they can’t get over someone who can’t even nicely cut his own hair.” 

You laughed as Jesper wrapped an arm around your shoulders, shaking your head before you thought further and only found yourself able to shrug.

“I’ll be back for at least one month of the year,” you said. “I just can’t keep seeing him, Jes. I need to stop loving the man who views it as a weakness and I can only do that by leaving.” 

Jesper sighed. “I loved him once, too,” he paused. “I thought I did, anyway. Moving on was both one of the easiest and the best things I’ve ever done.” 

With the words, the two of you continued your walk, changing the subject with relative ease as you did.

----

The next week and a half went exactly as you’d expected it to. You didn’t do anything that would’ve made Kaz at all think that you were leaving. You said no to jobs that would be done in November, you distanced yourself from him bit by bit, and the morning of the day that you were to leave, you gathered every letter you’d written in which you mentioned Kaz’s name or how you felt. 

You tucked the letters into an old box that had long stopped being used for what of the jewelry you possessed. You taped a note with the words ‘for kaz brekker’ on it to the lid, and with an hour left til you had to board, you dropped the letters in front of Kaz’s office door. 

When you had thirty minutes still to board, Kaz found you sitting on a bench near the area where the boat that was whisking you off to Ravka would soon dock. 

“So that’s it?” He asked, keeping his eyes on the harbor, refusing to look at you much like you did him. “You’re leaving, and you don’t know when you’ll be coming back around? And it’s my fault?”

“It’s nobodies fault except for my own.”

“You’re leaving because you’re in love with me, so I’m a little inclined to believe your absence is my fault.”

“I’m leaving because it is my choice to do so,” you said. “I left you those letters so that you might understand. Not so that you could skim through them and confront me in the last thirty minutes before I am to leave.” 

“Perhaps it is the truth that you should not have left me them at all, then,” he said. “I cannot lose you, Y/N.”

“You’re not losing me. I may return to Ketterdam. If you read the letters in full, you’d see that I discussed the possibility of my return.” 

Kaz sighed. “Promise to write to me, at least.”

“I refuse to make you any kind of a promise until I do not love you anymore,” you said, even though the part of you that did love him was screaming to tell him yes. You would write him, and the letters would be page after page of even the most useless things, just so that something may have occupied his mind that was not his work, that was not the clubs or the next heist. 

“Well then, I wish you luck in your new venture,” Kaz said. “If you come back to Ketterdam and find yourself in need of a place to stay, your room at the Slat will never have an occupant who is not you.” 

With the words, Kaz got up, leaving. You didn’t dare turn to watch him go, only listened to the sound of his cane against the ground, wiped a stray tear from your cheek when you registered that it’d faded, that the distance between the two of you had grown larger and would continue to until you were a literal ocean apart. 

You straightened your shoulders and forced your composure to return to normal. You would not regret your decision. You simply refused.

THE SECOND OCTOBER

Jesper grinned as he spotted you walking down the steps of the Slat, hair styled in a way that it was not when he’d seen you last. Inej grinned when she noticed your presence, too, as did Nina and Wylan. 

“Saints!” Jesper said. “I thought Kaz was lying for a second, really. How long do we have you with us?”

“Three months,” you said. “My boat doesn’t leave until after the new year.”

Inej pulled you into a hug as Kaz approached. You almost stilled the moment you heard his cane against the ground. It’d been a year, and still, the love hadn’t faded. 

You sat down in one of the chairs at the round table, running a hand through your hair and finding that you suddenly wanted nothing more than to be back in Ravka, working at one of the more successful shops in the city and living in your perfect little townhouse. 

“Brandy is what your preference is now, right?” Kaz asked  “Ravkan brandy, specifically? I read up on it. They make it a bit sweeter over there.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Thanks. I didn’t expect you to remember that.” 

Kaz shrugged as he sat down, sliding the glass into your area of the table. You caught it with an opened palm, looking at the liquid and fighting the urge to slam the entire thing in one go.

“Three months?” Kaz asked.

“Fortunately, yeah,” you said. “For every six weeks you work, you get two off. I don’t need to work a full year anymore. Nine months is enough, and it’s PTO, so I’m not missing out on important paychecks. I did decently for myself, I might say.” 

You took the cup into one hand, brought it to your lips and took a sip of the brandy. Jesper and Nina both shot you looks, and Inej gave one to Kaz. All of those looks said the same thing. 

We’ll discuss this later, and if you spare a single detail, you will be stabbed. 

The conversation continued, and over time, it grew less and less awkward, until eventually, things felt as they once had. You were in love with Kaz but content enough just getting to be in his company, getting to hear his voice. You were telling yourself that unrequited love was something you could handle, though you could not, and you knew it.

----

“You wrote letters to him?” Nina asked. “Y/N, my dearest, my closest friend in life, my confidante secondary only to Matthias and waffles, that is not how you get past loving someone. Writing to them is not how you fall out of love. If anything, writing to them drags you deeper into it. It’s relentless and the opposite of fun, truly.” 

“I do not love him,” but you did. 

“You’re a terrible liar, did you know that?” Jesper asked. You were walking along the harbor, much like you and Jesper used to, the tea each of you held having gone mostly forgotten. 

“I don’t!” You said again.

“Look at me. Make direct eye contact--or look at a point behind me, if you can’t make it--and tell me that you are not in love with him. I’ll believe it when you say it and sound like you mean it.” 

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Because you can’t say it without sounding like a liar!”

“Because I don’t want to,” you said. “I’ve been in love with Kaz Brekker for four years now. Distance was supposed to solve that issue, but...”

Jesper sighed, smiling reminiscently. “Ah yes. Distance does tend to make the heart grow fonder, especially when there are letters involved.” 

“I loved him then, and I love him still,” you said. “I resent the fact that I don’t think I’ll ever stop. If I stopped loving him, I could live here full time again. I could look at his face, be in his presence without asking myself ‘what if?’ I could have my life back.”

“Perhaps the universe is making you play the long game,” Nina suggested. “A year is an awfully long time, isn’t it? Who knows, maybe when you’re back in town next year, he’ll be head over heels.”

You shrugged. “I can hope, but I need to practice some realism.”

Jesper shook his head. “Life is so much more fun when you don’t. Dream a little bit.”

You shook your head, taking a sip of your cold tea and feeling endlessly grateful for the people you called best friends.

THE THIRD OCTOBER

“You’re in love with Y/N,” Inej said as she joined up with Kaz. “You’ve really just realized this now?” Kaz scoffed at her words. 

The two of them were heading back to the Slat. When they arrived, Kaz would go to his office, fully anticipating that the key to your room on the second floor would be removed from the drawer he kept it in, on the right side of his desk in a small box. 

Like it’d been last year, Kaz also anticipated that you’d leave the box on his desk in show of the fact that you’d been there, a stack of what letters you hadn’t sent sat in a pile to the left of it. 

“I am not in love with them,” he said, but he’d been lying. “Do you think they’ve arrived yet? I was going to ask that they assist with a heist near Halloween.” 

“If they stay that long, I do think they’ll say no,” Inej said. “They’ve grown out of criminality, Kaz. They work nine months of the year, take fall and the first part of winter off. They make good money, have a cat. I can’t imagine they’d risk that to help you with an act of thievery.”

Kaz shrugged. 

“Perhaps they would, though. They’ve written that they miss it sometimes.” Kaz didn’t allow himself to feel anything other than precisely nothing as the two entered the Slat, going their separate ways. Inej went off to find Jesper and Kaz went to his office. 

He spotted the box where he kept your room key sat on his desk, along with a note in your handwriting.

Any heists you’ve got in the next three months, I want in.

He allowed himself a grin for a moment, simply because of how familiar it felt.

----

“Is there any possibility at all, that you still...” Kaz found himself trailing off as you walked, side by side, after a quick heist that resulted mostly in jewelry. None of it was worth more than 2000 kruge on it’s own, and you’d grabbed as much as could fit in the cases you brought along, which you stuffed into a bag that Matthias had hauled back to the Slat so that the jewelry could be taken to the buyer on time. 

You gave Kaz a grin, and he found himself resisting the oh-so familiar urge to ignore the way that it pulled at him, the way that it made his heart set itself to a racing pace. 

“I do not,” you said. “That’s what i think, anyway. I’ve grown so used to it that, normally when it comes up, I can hardly tell the difference between loving you in the romantic sense and the platonic one. Why do you ask?” 

Kaz swallowed thickly. “Just curious as to when you’ll finally move back here full time, is all.” Some part of him didn’t want you to, though. He’d been trying to get past his feelings since they’d initially showed up two years before, in the last two weeks before you’d left. 

Two years had passed by, and still, the feelings were there, seeming to have only intensified with the distance that you put between yourselves, an ocean and a fair bit of land to go with it. 

Kaz watched you grin, gaze turning to the ground before you looked up again, meeting his. 

“Give me one more October, Kaz.”

Kaz nodded. “You can take all the time you need,” 

Kaz Brekker could handle a love that forever remained unrequited. He could.

Or, really, he supposed it was just something he told himself. He could handle loving you across an ocean, could handle only having your letters as often as he would’ve liked to enjoy your presence. He could handle a love that existed in all times of the year but could only be spoke during the last three months when you arrived to Ketterdam to soak up the fall and the winter weather, which you’d always said was best in Ketterdam, anyway. 

But, even despite what he told himself, Kaz also knew himself. 

A love that remained unrequited was something many may have been able to handle, but there was some part of Kaz that could not. 

THE FOURTH OCTOBER

“Y/N is probably going to stay here permanently, you realize?” Inej asked as she plucked the black cat from the ground. She glimpsed the name tag, grinning at it. “Why bring a cat otherwise?” 

Kaz sighed, reluctantly reaching out and running a gloved hand across black fur. 

“When I asked, they simply didn’t tell me,” he said. “I told them we had something to discuss when they arrived in the letter I wrote. I can’t keep going as I am.” 

“It’s only taken you, well, how long now?”

“Four years,” Kaz said, glimpsing the cats nametag. 

Crow. When he’d learned the name of the cat, he thought it was a little absurd. Looking at the cat, a black fluffball with a scratchy meow and a love for stupidly high windowsills, he almost hated how fitting it actually was.

“Finally!” Inej said, pressing a kiss to the cats forehead before placing it on the ground. Like it was clockwork, the cat rounded the table at which they sat and jumped onto Kaz’s lap. “Took you fucking long enough, didn’t it?” 

Kaz gingerly ran a hand across Crows back as Crow rested his chin against the edge of the table, his purr so loud that it would’ve been heard by any passerby. 

“I don’t know that it’ll go how I’m hoping, but we’ll see.”

“Y/N looks at you like you’re their entire world, Kaz. Knowing that, I wouldn’t hold onto very many doubts.” Kaz shrugged. 

“I’m just going to say it,” he said. “I’ll ask them to consider staying. I can’t--I can’t watch them leave again.”

Inej nodded, and Kaz ran a hand over Crows head, in the space between his ears, mentally going into the contemplative mindset as he did.

----

Kaz almost grinned as he sat down on the bench, the exact same spot he’d sat in four years before. You were sat to his right, eyes watching as the boats docked and left the harbor.

“You wanted to talk?”

“It is my responsibility and mine own to tell you that the feelings you felt for me when you left on this day, four years ago, are reciprocated,” Kaz said. He adjusted his cane so that it was resting against the side of the bench, gripping it like it were an anchor, of sorts. 

“I was a coward four years ago. I let you leave when I shouldn’t’ve. I should’ve told you how I felt, but I didn’t. I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to be,” you spoke. Kaz turned his head, allowed himself to look at you. “I get it. There was a reason I didn’t tell you how I felt until the day I left. I wanted you to read those letters and at least know. I’m sorry if it shocked you, I just felt like I had an obligation.” 

“You did shock me, but it was mostly because I hadn’t expected you to feel the same way, much less for you to leave in order to get over it,” Kaz said. “I tried to do the same, Y/N. It just seemed like--no matter the distance, I simply could not.”

You turned to look at him, and Kaz felt his heart begin to race as your gaze met his and you grinned. 

“Well then, I’ll stay,” you said. “I’ve come back here wanting to every time. There’s no point in leaving anymore.”

“What of your job, your home?”

“My job accepts resignation letters from abroad. I’ll have to go back to Ravka to collect the remainder of my things, but it appears that my not being able to find a cat sitter does me good. It removes the largest object of worry. I’ll sell my townhouse, come back here, and invest the money into something good. I’ve missed our heists, Kaz.”

Kaz allowed himself a grin. “As have I.”

Kaz glimpsed his pocket watch. It was just after four bells in the afternoon. Perfect for a dinner, he would’ve assumed. “Do you have the date?”

“It’s Halloween,” you said. 

“Ah, well then, I think I owe you dinner,” he said.

You scoffed. “Halloween and a meal correlate how?”

“They correlate in that there’s a decent show in an hour. I’d much like to take you to dinner beforehand, though. You told me about your time in Ravka, but you didn’t divulge all the specifics. I’m eager to hear more about how you came into contact with the small black hole that has probably found a home across Inejs shoulders by now.” 

You grinned as you got to standing, Kaz following suit. 

“C’mon then. I’ll bore you with the specifics.”

“I can’t wait.”