#kaz is very selfish when it comes to money and vengeance

[exams-will-make-me-cry]

I don't know any shit about this but I still love this entire post holy macaroni-

I think a lot about The Bathroom Scene™ and how Kaz's selfless actions towards Inej are contrasted with their discussion about whether he's any different from Pekka, but Chapter 26 as a whole also does a lot to show how much Kaz cares about all of his Crows and not just Inej. He spends a lot of time in that chapter thinking about how he's probably about to die, and yet he does everything in his power to make sure his Crows get out alive.

He specifically zeroes on Inej's safety, of course (because when isn't Kaz focused on her?) but his actions, dialogue, and internal monologue are all entirely centered around how guilty he feels for getting everyone into this mess and how desperate he is to make sure he's the only collateral damage of his own scheme at the end of the day:

Kaz sits down and (more or less) fully explains his entire plan to the Crows instead of keeping them in the dark

Kaz gives Jesper's dad the only protection he's still able to give: his own family's name and reputation

Kaz ruminates on why he called Jesper by his brother's name and implicitly acknowledges that it's because he's scared to recognize Jordie in Jesper (that he's afraid to lose another brother)

Kaz thinks "But they’d landed in a trap, and if he had to chew his paw off to get them out of it, then that was what he would do."

Kaz pays off Inej's contract by liquidating "every asset he had" and explicitly tells her "I don't want you to be beholden to Per Haskell. Or me."

Kaz tells Inej about his emergency money stash and charges her with getting everyone out of the city safely if he doesn't come back from the Slat

Kaz tells her "Whatever happens to me, survive this city. Get your ship, have your vengeance, carve your name into their bones. But survive this mess I’ve gotten us into."

Kaz leaves on a suicide mission, telling Inej not to follow, because if he's going to die he wants to be the only one in active danger

And of course Kaz had already offered to serve himself up on a silver platter to the stadwatch and give them a way out even before he came up with the auction plan (though we don't get Kaz's point of view of The Clocktower Fight, I suspect it's also why he picked that fight with Jesper: he knew Jesper would never leave him to die unless he made him mad enough to "walk away" for once in his life).

What separates Kaz from other Barrel Bosses like Pekka isn't just that he would never sell a person or con/otherwise harm children. It's that at his lowest, when all the bravado and scheming and masks are stripped away, Kaz chooses to put himself on the line and sacrifice his own safety over putting his people in any more danger than they have to be. Because despite his ruthlessness and casual assholery, Kaz simply doesn't have it in him to watch those he cares about get hurt if he can prevent it. He ended Chapter 26 saying he intended to leave damage behind when he's gone, but also spent the entirety of the Geldrenner chapters spending time and effort and money he didn't have to minimize the damage as much as possible for his friends (his new family) if the worst should happen to him.

So he gives them a safe place to land where the gangs won't find them. He tries to push them away and make them mad enough that they won't grieve him when he dies. He gives them multiple ways out even if none of those options guarantee his own safety. He gives them money and as much safety as he can provide with the whole city out for their blood. He gives Inej her freedom. And he gives them time to rest, recharge, and prepare for whichever plan they end up doing while he goes off to stage a coup he's not sure he'll come back from.

This is all to say: Kaz could never be Pekka, no matter how tough of a game he talks about burning everything to the ground, because Kaz cares too much to ever become Pekka. Even as he continues to pretend not to care about anything but the money, his love for his city and his Crows are baked into every one of his thoughts and actions in those chapters. Unlike Pekka, who flees first Ketterdam and then Kerch entirely when his son is in (percieved) danger, Kaz stays to fight for the city he bent to his will. And unlike Per Haskell, who lets other people do his dirty work and sells out at the first opportunity for glory, Kaz puts himself on the front lines first even when doing so comes at a great cost to himself.

Pekka chases money and power for their own sake. Per Haskell chases money and power for the decadence, glory, and laziness it allows him to get away with. Kaz chases money and power because he knows what it's like to be powerless and wants to, in his own weird way, protect others from suffering his trauma and himself from losing anyone else he cares about. And that's why even at his most unhinged Kaz could never become Pekka Rollins: his quest for power and fame and riches comes from a fundamentally different place. Kaz Brekker doesn't need a reason, but he has at least six at all times during the course of the duology (the Crows+Jordie)...and while those reasons are often filtered through his two primary reasons (revenge for Jordie and Inej's freedom, safety, and happiness), none of them are ever far from his mind.

[pandaexpress303]

kaz and his surprising...selflessness?

Okay, so I have been thinking about Kaz (like usual) and realized that as cold and ruthless and harsh of a person he is, so much of what drives him isn’t actually very selfish. 

1. For starters, his hatred and desire for revenge against Pekka Rollins, obviously partially has to do with the fact that because of what Pekka did, Kaz was left to fend for himself on the streets and endure a lot of hardship. BUT at the same time, when Inej asks him what Pekka did, his response is 

Pekka Rollins killed my brother. (SOC pg. 204) 

So much of what fuels his quest for revenge isn’t necessarily what Pekka did to him but rather what he did to Jordie. His actions against them killed Jordie and Jordie’s voice taunting him and “wanting his vengeance” is what drives Kaz. Or at least a good portion of it. 

2. Inej. Obviously some of Kaz’s most selfless actions have to do with Inej and his feelings for her. Yes, there is the line in Crooked Kingdom where Kaz says

His mind had concocted a hundred schemes to bind her to him... (CK pg. 358)

but he still chooses to give her the contract and do the right thing by her. He also liquidates ALL HIS ASSETS to free her and this is before he even knows they are going to get the money from the auction. He has no reason to believe that this plan is going to turn out and that they’ll get the money, and for all his talk about kruge and that being what motivates him, he literally uses the last of everything he owns to help Inej and free her. Something that isn’t benefitting his desires at all. 

Of course, him buying the ship for her is yet another instance of this. Along with finding her parents, carrying her onto the ship, saying he would come for her, etc. 

3. He offers to give himself up at the Geldrenner when he thinks all hope is lost. There are multiple times it is mentioned that he knows he is the one who got them into this mess so he is willing to take the fault and try and at least help them get out. 

But they’d landed in a trap and if he had to chew his paw off to get them out of it, then that was what he would do (CK pg. 357)

“If I’m not back, try to get everyone out of the city.” (CK pg. 358)

I just think this is so interesting because obviously Kaz is morally grey. But I don’t know I think it is really fascinating that there really isn’t much he does for his own benefit. Maybe he has some self-loathing that ties into this, but I just love this character so so much. anyway, back to finals haha. 

[justalittlelitnerd]

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

"No mourners. No funerals."

God I don’t even know where to begin with this book. I guess I’ll begin with being honest: I fully expected to not like this book. In fact going into it I wasn’t even convinced I would finish it. I can’t really explain to you why that is since I didn’t really know what it was about. I think it was because of how often I saw people post about it. 

Now obviously I don’t have anything against fandoms because I love (most) fandoms and think they are great and I love being a part of them, but something about fandoms for books instills a sense of caution in me. So I approached this book with the kind of hesitation usually reserved for approaching strange animals that may or may not bite you before running away. 

But eventually (obviously) I gave in partly because with each post my patience wore away a little more and partly because enough people who’s bookish opinions I’ve grown to trust recommended it to me, but mostly because a copy was readily available at my library and when I saw it I thought what the heck.

I have never been so happy to have been so wrong. I am only disappointed that my own stubborn nature stopped me from reading this book long ago. Don’t be like me. Don’t be a fool. Please go read this book and enjoy all that Bardugo has to bestow.

Now that the truth is out, I’m still not sure where to begin. 

Do I start with the fact that so much happened in the course of the story, but also not enough? So I’m left in that limbo of wanting more, but not wanting the story to end (I know I’m not the only one who draws out reading a series because the thought of closing the door on that world (at least canonically) even if it’s temporary while waiting for the next book is excruciating). I want to live in that space where there are so many possibilities and every one is alive. But I also crave more which is why I immediately went to Tumblr to look at Six of Crow posts after I finished the novel.

“I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath." - Matthias (pls don’t tell me what I already (possibly) know/fear)

Or do I start with the world that Bardugo has so precisely created? A world that is somehow at once familiar and unfamiliar. Every moment I thought I had a grasp on the word that these characters inhabit Bardugo would remind me that it is not my world, but something a little different, a little better, a little worse. It’s a world that I wanted to recognize my own in but at the same time I wanted it to be vastly different because I read to escape the world we live in. I wouldn’t say that it is a magical world, but it has a little magic in it and that balance is hard to strike, but Bardugo does so skillfully and without hesitation.

“For a second Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world." - Kaz 

Really I want to start with the characters, but if I did that I would never talk about anything else. The book describes them as “a gambler, a convict, a wayward son, a lost Grisha, a Suli girl who had become a killer, a boy from the Barrel who had become something worse,” but they are so much more than that. 

Kaz, the tough (supposedly badass) leader of a raucous band of hooligans but is really just a scared, traumatized little boy who’s in love with a girl but just can’t even.

“The old answers came easily to mind. Money. Vengeance. Jordie’s voice in my head silenced forever. But a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome. You, Inej. You.” - Kaz

“He needed to tell her...what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he'd begun to lean on her, to look for her, to need her near. He needed to thank her for his new hat.”

Jesper, my dear, sweet, not so innocent but all too cute, Jesper. Jesper is amazing simply because he is a cinnamon roll wrapped in an enigma. He so easily could’ve been placed simply for comedic effect, but Bardugo let’s him be so much more. He is college educated (a fact that sometimes falls to the wayside) and a gunslinger with a penchant for gambling, a knack for losing, and a weakness for naive boys names Wylan.

"Stop being dense. You're cuter when you're smart." - Jesper

“Maybe I liked your stupid face” - Jesper to Wylan

Wylan, my poor bby, if I could choose any of the characters to just wrap up in my arms for a quick cuddle it would be Wylan. I feel like the poor boy needs it considering he was only really brought along as a hostage and really so he could be Jesper’s love interest (because how unfair would it be if Jesper didn’t have a love interest). I don’t know if I have ever met a character that is so smart yet sweetly dumb and I don’t know if I would ever want to meet another because no one can pull it off like Wylan can.

“Who’s Mark?” - Wylan proving he doesn’t know anything about being bad

Nina and Matthias, the enemies turned friends turned something more turned enemies and so on. They deserve individual comments, but this post is getting long and they were my least favorite of the 6 and therefore get the short end of the stick. Also it’s hard to discuss one without discussing the other because they are so wrapped up in each other from long before I entered their world. I both love and hate their relationship. I hate it because it is by far the most toxic of the three presented (if you think Inej and Kaz are more toxic pls fight me) and the circles they run is exhausting. I understand why their relationship is the way it is and why it is a part of the story and its complexity is what I love because it does show that love, like the world, is not very pretty or kind or nice or always right, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

“She wouldn’t wish love on anyone. It was the guest you welcomed, and then couldn’t be rid of.” - Literally the most accurate description of their relationship ever

And, finally, Inej. I didn’t expect Inej to be my favorite. Coming out of the novel I might have been apt to say that Jesper was (what can I say I love the quirky sidekick - re: Stiles from Teen Wolf). But now it’s two weeks later and I find myself drawn to her character again and again. She is smart and witty and has overcome (quite literally) every obstacle thrown at her. 

"They would learn to fear her, and they would know her by her name. The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true." - Inej

She has the most brushes with death in the novel and somehow comes back even stronger. 

“I’ll die on my feet with a knife in my hand” - Inej

She doesn’t fall at the feet of the man that she loves, but instead calls him the boy he is and demands more. 

"I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all." - Inej

She is not only an empowering female role model, but a badass who’s not afraid to speak her mind.

“If I want to watch men dig holes to fall into, I’ll find myself a cemetery” - Inej

But mostly she is the hero we all deserve and I’m just a little (okay a lot) bitter that she was subjected the the trope of damsel in distress because she deserves so much more than that and so I hope that is handled well in the sequel (this may explain some of my apprehension in reading Crooked Kingdom). 

"For all his selfishness and cruelty, Kaz was still the boy who had saved her. She wanted to believe he was worth saving, too." - Inej

If you have never listened to another of my recommendations, please listen to this one: read this book. If you hate it, that’s fine, I guess, but I think that it will still be worth the read.

[fantastic-nonsense]

I think a lot about The Bathroom Scene™ and how Kaz's selfless actions towards Inej are contrasted with their discussion about whether he's any different from Pekka, but Chapter 26 as a whole also does a lot to show how much Kaz cares about all of his Crows and not just Inej. He spends a lot of time in that chapter thinking about how he's probably about to die, and yet he does everything in his power to make sure his Crows get out alive.

He specifically zeroes on Inej's safety, of course (because when isn't Kaz focused on her?) but his actions, dialogue, and internal monologue are all entirely centered around how guilty he feels for getting everyone into this mess and how desperate he is to make sure he's the only collateral damage of his own scheme at the end of the day:

Kaz sits down and (more or less) fully explains his entire plan to the Crows instead of keeping them in the dark

Kaz gives Jesper's dad the only protection he's still able to give: his own family's name and reputation

Kaz ruminates on why he called Jesper by his brother's name and implicitly acknowledges that it's because he's scared to recognize Jordie in Jesper (that he's afraid to lose another brother)

Kaz thinks "But they’d landed in a trap, and if he had to chew his paw off to get them out of it, then that was what he would do."

Kaz pays off Inej's contract by liquidating "every asset he had" and explicitly tells her "I don't want you to be beholden to Per Haskell. Or me."

Kaz tells Inej about his emergency money stash and charges her with getting everyone out of the city safely if he doesn't come back from the Slat

Kaz tells her "Whatever happens to me, survive this city. Get your ship, have your vengeance, carve your name into their bones. But survive this mess I’ve gotten us into."

Kaz leaves on a suicide mission, telling Inej not to follow, because if he's going to die he wants to be the only one in active danger

And of course Kaz had already offered to serve himself up on a silver platter to the stadwatch and give them a way out even before he came up with the auction plan (though we don't get Kaz's point of view of The Clocktower Fight, I suspect it's also why he picked that fight with Jesper: he knew Jesper would never leave him to die unless he made him mad enough to "walk away" for once in his life).

What separates Kaz from other Barrel Bosses like Pekka isn't just that he would never sell a person or con/otherwise harm children. It's that at his lowest, when all the bravado and scheming and masks are stripped away, Kaz chooses to put himself on the line and sacrifice his own safety over putting his people in any more danger than they have to be. Because despite his ruthlessness and casual assholery, Kaz simply doesn't have it in him to watch those he cares about get hurt if he can prevent it. He ended Chapter 26 saying he intended to leave damage behind when he's gone, but also spent the entirety of the Geldrenner chapters spending time and effort and money he didn't have to minimize the damage as much as possible for his friends (his new family) if the worst should happen to him.

So he gives them a safe place to land where the gangs won't find them. He tries to push them away and make them mad enough that they won't grieve him when he dies. He gives them multiple ways out even if none of those options guarantee his own safety. He gives them money and as much safety as he can provide with the whole city out for their blood. He gives Inej her freedom. And he gives them time to rest, recharge, and prepare for whichever plan they end up doing while he goes off to stage a coup he's not sure he'll come back from.

This is all to say: Kaz could never be Pekka, no matter how tough of a game he talks about burning everything to the ground, because Kaz cares too much to ever become Pekka. Even as he continues to pretend not to care about anything but the money, his love for his city and his Crows are baked into every one of his thoughts and actions in those chapters. Unlike Pekka, who flees first Ketterdam and then Kerch entirely when his son is in (percieved) danger, Kaz stays to fight for the city he bent to his will. And unlike Per Haskell, who lets other people do his dirty work and sells out at the first opportunity for glory, Kaz puts himself on the front lines first even when doing so comes at a great cost to himself.

Pekka chases money and power for their own sake. Per Haskell chases money and power for the decadence, glory, and laziness it allows him to get away with. Kaz chases money and power because he knows what it's like to be powerless and wants to, in his own weird way, protect others from suffering his trauma and himself from losing anyone else he cares about. And that's why even at his most unhinged Kaz could never become Pekka Rollins: his quest for power and fame and riches comes from a fundamentally different place. Kaz Brekker doesn't need a reason, but he has at least six at all times during the course of the duology (the Crows+Jordie)...and while those reasons are often filtered through his two primary reasons (revenge for Jordie and Inej's freedom, safety, and happiness), none of them are ever far from his mind.