#kayla's ramblings & screamings

[kayluh1915]

I am losing my mind, dudes!

FIRST we get a GameTime with Smosh with Ian instinctively leaning into (and ON at one point) Anthony.

THEN we get today's couple's therapy session and Ian's own letter to Anthony that ripped my heart out.

NOW we're getting a new sketch tomorrow AND a new live watch party for channel members!

Like!?!? I haven't even finished my first post yet, guys! 😭

Not even a month ago I didn't think they'd ever get back together and here I am now being overwhelmed by all sorts of content. It's crazy how things can change in such a small amount of time.

[coffeebanana]

I started this habit of letting out a tiny scream every time I think about something embarassing and it distracts me from the embarassment so I can move on and think about something else and it's great 11/10 recommend. But also sorry to my neighbours

[theyarnmaidstale]

me: my anxiety has been so much better lately now that I consistently take my medication my brain this past week: yeah we're gonna be HYPER anxious now about completely normal human interactions <3

[jeepers-scoob]

Some weeks it feels like I'm decaying and this past week has been a decay heavy week

[soulbins]

MY SOOBIN OMG😞😞😞

there'll be no more sorrow, i'll see you there tomorrow, ㅤ@khaer

[crazy-only]

meeting max's special cat ! (fluff)

pairing: max x reader

premise: you meet a cat that seems to have a name ? or perhaps it doesn’t ? in the end you ruffle max’s feathers asking about her ! (super pg and cute)

preface: omg wrote this in the middle of the night because my brain wouldn’t let me sleep without getting this scenario out ! honestly happy i did because i think it’s super cute <3 posting this in celebration of max winning the sprint race today in austria !!

what color cat energy do you think max gives off ?

“yep. these are my cats,” max says with a proud smile on his face.

“ah!! they’re so cute, max!” you practically scream, scaring the majority of the furry creatures away. a bit sad, you pout.

“damn it! how do i always manage to scare animals away? i love interacting with them.” you sit down, hiding your head in your arms.

max laughs, patting your back lightly, careful not to scare you.

“oh, look!” max says, pointing at an orange cat. “look, y/n, she’s not scared of you!”

you look up to find a cute feline licking its paws, obviously disinterested in the current situation, nor the stranger in front of her.

“yay!” you clap, excited. “what’s her name? she’s so cute!”

max’s mouth purses. “um, her name—“ he scratches the back of his head, racking his head. “um, her name is, uh.”

you can’t help but laugh as max’s mouth opens and closes like a fish outside of water. “don’t tell me you forgot your cat’s name?!”

“oh, kayla!” max states rather abruptly, avoiding eye contact with you. “her name is kayla.”

you smile at max, saying, “good job” (to which he blushes), then shift your attention to the cat. “hi kayla!”

except, the cat doesn’t react.

“uh, kayla?” you try again, head cocking at the animal who merely inspects her claws rather pompously.

max laughs nervously. “yeah, cats are just like that.” he rakes a hand through his hair. “don’t worry, y/n, it’s not you.”

suddenly, the cat looks up at max, stepping towards him, stretching its long back along the way.

you frown, gears churning in your head as you try to understand why the cat responded to him instead of you.

an idea pops into your head, an unlikely one, but nevertheless you try it.

“y/n,” you say aloud.

and, with your mouth gaped open, similar to max’s earlier state, you watch as the orange cat escapes max’s frantic pets and goes to rub its head against your ankle.

“max,” you murmur in disbelief while petting the cat, “you have some explaining to do.”

while the cat purrs, max audibly gulps. “um, yeah, it just kind of, um, happened by chance you know.”

he wrung his hands together, and you held in your laughs. you’ve never actually seen your friend this nervous before, but he was so adorable you just couldn’t help yourself but let him ramble.

“—you know, if it makes you feel better i adopted her after—shit—i mean i adopted her before i met you, so uh, technically you’re the one who stole her name—“

you nod your head, slowly inching towards max as his face just gets redder.

“what else, max?” you murmur into his ear, letting your head rest on top of his muscular shoulder. “anything else i should know?”

“yes!” he lets out, scaring the poor orange cat away. “i like you and i named a fucking cat after you because sometimes i miss you and i know it’s pathetic but i can’t help it so please forgi—“

but before max could continue, you slid to face him on the floor and placed a finger on his quivering lips. “baby, i like you too.”

you smile at his shocked reaction, dropping your finger and kissing his cheek gently. “that’s all you had to say.”

extra: max looking like a snack cat =^_^=

[pain-is-too-tired]

I still feel robbed we never saw a reaction to Michael's death/fall from Clarisse.

Like, one scene. One small scene. Heck, we could've even just gotten a reaction from Chris. He was already talking to Percy in that one scene, that would've been perfect scene for at least him to find out.

I think it would've been interesting if they continue that arc somewhat into HOO. Like have Michael come up as well in some form. Have mentions of why Will is pushing pass what happen to be diplomatic with Clarisse, the rest of his cabin still can't get along with the Ares cabin. Show them and others being bitter over stuff!! Show post war tension at camp!!! We are being thrown into camp from a fresh set of eyes. Tlh trio don't know all that happened, and honestly the idea of there being more conflict than just Drew's feelings towards Silena being shown would've been so interesting.

Like the fact they just destroy the chariot, tell us that the Apollo cabin officially had it then, and then did nothing else to tell us how that went? Just insane to me. It makes that whole arc feel unfinished.

Will is one the first few campers outside of who picked Leo up that he really gets to meet. And with learning about Charles,I think would've been interesting if he some how learned about Michael in a way. Maybe he brings up the chariot being crashed and those in his cabin who were vets from titan war kinda grimace or something. Maybe show tension during the campfire with an argument breaking out and Will having to jump in to stop in it. Show the Apollo cabin still grieving. Heck, maybe the mention of another war likely about to start have the fact that the Apollo cabin took such a big hit last time be a worry because there's less available and well trained medics now. Someone, either Will or someone else at one point being like "If we have to fight a serious battle again, we're gonna be at a disadvantage. We're too far down on archers and healers"

Cause that's a realistic thing to mention when you're talking about having to go to war back to back after such a devastating blow. Sure, they got new campers in waves for the other cabins. But we know from ToA that Apollo cabin *didn't*. Unless another cabin is able to provide some form of support as healers as well(which could be likely, we also don't know what all minor gods have kids at camp-) they are down to three healers. Two of which likely don't have that much experience. Kayla and Austin were like 11-12 in tlo based off timing. And their specialized abilities are more focused on archery and music,and with them taking up Music and Archery lessons they probably are gonna be learning medical stuff slower. Obviously they probably learned a bit right after the war, but it still not gonna make them as skilled as Will who's a lot more specialized in healing. And their archery might be needed in a fight which can leave to lot more issues.

Just- there's a lot of post war stuff they could've explored. Even in tlo they don't really address it. We aren't even told what Michael's shroud looks like, we don't get to see Apollo cabin having to burn all those shrouds- heck- actually wait

Percy and Will burning Michael's shroud together like how Clarisse helped Aphrodite cabin. 😭 I've talked about this before, but Percy was literally screaming/yelling when he couldn't find Michael. He was gonna call blackjack again to try and find him. If Annabeth wasn't on worse condition he likely would've searched every inch. I also feel he at least paid more attention in small ways to the Apollo cabin. Iirc the only time he mentions a burial shroud that's set up, he focuses on an Apollo one. Idk. Just think idea of him doing his best to pay respects to Michael, having the room post war to actually stop and grieve, just be interesting.

Idk. I'm rambling gdgd just many thoughts. So many cool stuff and characters that got dropped.

[saytrrose]

Do you feel comfortable telling us what happened at your parents' house?

Sure! But be prepared for a long ramble.

My stepmom is a really conservative transphobic narcissist.

My housing plan this year is a tiny room freshman dorm and had a bed, closet and desk. I share it with my bestfriend, Kayla.

My housing plan NEXT year has been decided, I am going to move into a 4 room apartment style dorm, where we all have our own rooms, 2 people each share a bathroom, and we even have a living/kitchen area. I’m very excited!!!

I broke the news to my parents, and said that Kayla and I would share a bathroom on one half of the dorm, and our friends Micheal and Brayden would share the other side.

She expressed concern over two “girls” being with two “guys” and I told her it would be fine because both Brayden and Micheal are gay men, and are engaged to eachother too. To which when she heard this she was “oh okay.”

But then she brought up the possibility of the housing office not allowing us to be co-ed, girls and boys sharing a apartment style dorm together and I had Micheal’s permission to tell my mother that he was a transman, meaning he is afab, to ease her nerves. I explained that the housing office obviously did not care as long as we all knew eachother and agreed on it.

She then proceeded to rant on how gender is so confusing, and for 2 days straight refused to use Micheal’s name, instead referring to him as “the girl who wants to be a boy.”

I told her that it’s not complicated at all, and she asked me “So are they gay or straight?” And I told them they are gay men, which I had already told you prior. She then asked me “well has the wannabe boy had any surgeries?” And that’s when I started to genuinely get pissed off.

I said “First, that’s an inappropriate question to ask. What would you do if a random person kept inquiring on your genitals? It’d be an issue wouldn’t it?” To which she then interrupted me, saying “Oh so they don’t. Yeah I thought so. So they are straight until they get surgery.”

I told her that we are in COLLEGE and that’s a lot of money, time and healing to take into account and Micheal is infact on hormones and looks his gender, acts his gender, sounds like his gender, and so on. I then decided to de-stress, and promptly left the whole house to go on a walk which apparently to her, was very inconsiderate and rude.

On top of all that, she consistently helicopters over me, anytime I touch my phone she’s “what are you doing.” “Who are you texting.” “What are you texting them.” “Why are you doing that on your phone.”

One time I went to my room for a singular hour to go through some of the things I packed and got at the thrift store, just deciding what to leave home and take with me you know, nothing big. I walked out once dinner was done, and she loves to use a bitchy voice and say “look who came out of their room.” “Look who’s alive and decided to join us.” And when I try to say I was literally gone for a fucking hour she accuses me of being too “antisocial.”

Also, we have 5 dogs at our house. Almost all are abused. They live in kennels constantly unless they are ushered outside to potty. There is Jax, poor old man is 14 and has prostate cancer. He has severe arthritis as well and struggles to walk. There is Shepherd, he has one big tumor on his spine and about 5 itty bitty ones around it too- but all non-cancerous. Past his hip bones he is hairless due to skin irritation and scratching/biting. Then there is Mac, the golden lovely child of the house who is the only one not in a kennel ever, roams the house, only one allowed on furniture and more. There is Charlotte, a hurricane Harvey rescue who is a gorgeous and pretty cocker spaniel/poodle. She’s pure black for the exception of white paws and a white heart on her chest. She’s super sweet but gets screamed at everyday for whining in the kennel but good news!! My friend Kayla is in the process of adopting her to help get her out of the house and into a better home. Then there is Pickles, my poor baby that my stepmom hates the most. Just yesterday she was scolded for curling up next to me which was apparently “possessive behavior” so she took her shoe off and beat her in in face 4 times until she was whining and barking- and then got yelled at for getting defensive and snapping once at her.

It’s horrible.

Did I mention all of this is in the span of 24 hours?

More that happened, my stepmom asking me to constantly check the mail to see if my VA check has come in. It comes the first week of each month- sure, but calm down I don’t need to check 3 times a day. Also she only cares so much because my stepmom is blind, is jealous everyone else is putting an effort into their lives and is desperate for some ounce of control and wants us to give her money for her smoking addiction.

Also my check didn’t come in LOL but that’s alright, my awesome sister said she’ll swing but next weekend and snatch it up for me.

It’s just exhausting. Thats just ONE day there- I can’t imagine what summer is going to be like. My sister gave me the idea to get a job like my stepmom wants, but get it here in my college town so I don’t have to be home. Which is genius!! Pickles stays with me, safe and not getting abused. (She’s so scared of everything when she’s home, and it’s so hard to try to help her heal from ptsd when it’s recurring- ik if I do this it will be best for her.) AND I don’t have to be there which fucks with my own mental health.

Also, stepmom isn’t trying to get my money. That’s nice too.

Sorry guys this is more so a vent now, but hey if you read this far than thanks for listening 😭

[thecinematicwriter]

Simplement, Monaco.

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Summary: While on a trip in Monaco, you get impossibly lost on a small beach and can't find your friends anymore. The worst thing is: it's your birthday. Fortunately a kind (and insanely gorgeous) stranger comes to your aid.

Sneek peak: "Now, I am jealous. I am the one who saves you and you don't even bump me up one place?"

A/N: Hey everyone, I hope you are all as excited as I am for summer, because that is what I had in mind while writing this piece. Also the reader is a drama queen in this for real haha. Enjoy!

"Kayla! Gwen!" You were screaming and no one responded. The beach was silent. You knew you shouldn't have explored while your friends were tanning on the other side of the beach. Five minutes ago the beach seemed crowded and when you took a turn, a hide spot got you lost. You couldn't remember from where you had entered it. "Fuck." There also was no service and somehow, tears had fallen without your consent. This is so stupid. Why would you cry for something so stupid? You wiped your eyes and looked again around the secluded part of the beach.

A few minutes later, you were still stuck. The sand seemed like a nice place to sit on and take a break. You let yourself get dragged to the sand and looked at the sea. At least it's a beautiful view. The sun is setting and- Wait? WHAT?! Omg the sun is setting! You dare a glance at your watch and see that it's 6 pm. You are going to spend the night on a deserted beach. Was there any dangerous, wild animals around here? Oh god! Is there? Your eyes got wet again. But this time, you let it out. Who could hear you anyway? You are going to die here all alone, eaten by some stupid animal you didn't even know existed.

"Ça va?( Are you okay?)" You jumped at the un known voice, which led the stranger to appologise. "Pardon... Je ne voulais pas vous faire peur.(Sorry... I didn't want to scare you.)" A distant knowledge told you it was french and you somehow understood what he said. "No it's alright. Sorry for myself honestly." You let out a laugh at the same time he did. At that chuckle, you looked up at him curiously. No way. That's... that's Charles Leclerc. You got up immediatly and scrubbed the sand off of your butt. You looked at him again for this time to be met by his beautiful eyes. He smiled at you and you gave him a shy smile in return. "I'm..." He waited for you to continue, but your face told him you were stuck. "You're what... hum what is your name miss?" Miss? "You're older than me. Spare me the miss please." You laughed. He looked at you confused. "How would you know?" "I kind of follow the Formula 1..." His eyes blew open then he chuckled. "Sorry, I forget that people can know me sometimes. Okay..." there is a blank space like he doesn't know what to say next.

"I'm Y/N." You told him weighting your options for a minute. Yes! He could help you. "And... I am sorry if I am bothering you on your what seems to be late evening run, but I'm lost. I was at the bigger part of this stupid beach and I took an un known turn and got myself here. My friends are probably worried sick and it's my birthday so I would really appreciate celebrating it with the most wonderful friends ever. Tonight. In one piece preferably" You rambled. "Okay." Charles said . "Omg. Thank you so much. I could kiss you right now." Before you knew what you said, it was too late. Your eyes blew wide open and your mouth shut tight. "Well, I never kiss a stranger I just met. But maybe by the end of the night I will... if you'll let me make your birthday unforgetable, of course." You looked at him and nodded. "Fine. Then, let's go Y/N."

He took your hand and brought you back to the main part of the beach where your friends were also sitting on their butts worried sick. "Kayla, Gwen! I am here." They looked at you and ran with a huge smile. Once they were close enough, they both wrapped you in the biggest hug ever. It's only after this that they noticed the handsome man beside you. "That's Charles Leclerc? Right?" Gwen asked you with a wide grin. "Yes. Now shut up please." You whispered to her. "Oh this is too good." Kayla said laughing lightly. Charles looked at you weirdly and introduced himself to your friends.

Once he told you guys he had an amazing night planned for you all, you all started walking out of the beach. You and Charles slightly at the front chatting while your friends stayed in the back. "So how old?" Charles said looking at you with his iconic charmer smile. "Oh... hum. 23." You answered smiling too. But your smile faded quickly in embarasement when your friends talked too loud for your liking. "It's crazy! Him? Of all people who could've found her. She is for sure going to talk about this one for the rest of her life." Kayla said laughing. "Oh for sure. Also that 'My second highest celbrity crush I need to date' thing is about to come true." Gwen added crying of laughter. "She did tell us that she owuld date him since she was like... what? 19?" Kayla put more to the already embarassing conversation. You were bright red. If you had heard it as clear as this, Charles did too. "Omg I am so sorry-" He cut you off. "Second highest? I am not the first one?" He smirked down at you. "Timothée Chalamet is the first one. Sorry..." You said, glad that he wasn't embarassed. "Now, I am jealous. I am the one who saves you and you don't even bump me up one place?" He fakes a ridiculous sad face. "Not yet. I'll have to see if your a good kisser." Once again, your brain did not stop you in time. You were about to appologize again when he cut you off by kissing you deeply. Your friends were cheering in the back while you enjoyed what had to be the best kiss of your life. When you two pulled back, Charles looked straightly at you and smiled at your closed eyes. "Okay. I take it back. You are definitely number one." You opened your eyes and grinned at him like a fool.

"That's what I thought." He said before kissing you once again.

[conversationaltreestump]

Me earlier today: lol what if Carrie and Kayla were a ship in season 2 of JatP

Tori and Savannah in her live: hey what if we were a ship what should our name be?

[l-lend]

Congratulations of your 30 followers, Kayla 🥰

Can you write a fanfic of Hunter and fem OC named Natalia with comfort promptds number 24 ? 🥺🥺🥺

Of course @locitapurplepink! Let's see what I can come up with.

Focus

Pairing: Hunter x OC

Prompt 24: Tell me what I can do for you

Prompts for Follower Celebration

Hunter groaned rolling over in his bunk. Every whispered creak of the Marauder was shouting in his ears. Paired with the sound of his own heart beat thrumming in his ears produced a nearly deafening cacophony. Even the squad’s GNK droid had been powered down in an effort to ease the migraine currently on a rampage behind his eyes. Clawing and gnashing at the sensitive nerves.

Footfalls barely accented amongst the noise. A floral scent growing stronger as the steps drew near. He groaned as he attempted to turn his head towards the door.

“Natalia?”

 The steps halted and after a moments they proceeded noticeably softer than before. The bed dipped with a new added weight. Her voice breaking through the noise although it was barely a whisper.

“Shhh, it’s alright. I’m going to move you now. Is that alright?”

Given a hum in response, she placed her hands under his shoulders shifting him so his upper body was bracketed by her legs. His back rested against her chest.

“Echo said you were taking double watches again. Those boys can handle a hyperspace watch.” She chided, keeping her low volume.

“’Mega couldn’t sleep.”

She sighed, “You’re not doing her any good if you work yourself into sensitivity. Tell me what I can do for you.”

Receiving no response, the woman set to his blacks gently rolling up the sleeve to expose his forearm.

“I need you to focus on your arm. Let me know if you feel one or two.”

He took a deep breath before he nodded. Her fingernail sluggishly skated across his bare forearm barely making contact. One, then two. One, then two. This pattern continued until the ghost of a smile graced his lips.

“That’s three.”

Natalia chuckled, “Just testing you.”

This ritual continued. Evolving into pictures being drawn paired with the whispered ramblings of their time apart. His heartbeat no longer screaming in his ears. The creaks and groans of the ship falling away into the background. His senses refocusing only on her.

[kayluh1915]

IT'S FINALLY HERE, BITCHES!

[emikadreams]

Prompt please 🥺

Can I get a fic where feyre gets her period on her 2nd week in the night court (before she came to Velaris) and Rhys takes care of her 👀

oh this is DEVILISHLY GOOD! Hope you like it 💕

High Lord and Caretaker 

“Hello, Feyre darling.”

Rhysand strolled into her bedroom at the night court with ease with that arrogant smirk and a devilish glint in his eyes. He sat on the foot of the bed with all the grace of a dancer. Feyre sat up straight and leaned her head against the headrest. Her hands itched to wipe that insufferable grin from his face but she settled for an eye roll, best not to pummel him to the ground in his court she thought.

“What do you want Rhys.” She bit out through clenched teeth. 

Rhys chuckled, “Aw, not feeling up to share eh darling?” He ploughed on before she could retort, “Very well, we have lessons to get to, dear Feyre. Wouldn’t want you to sit about idly while you’re here now do we?” Feyre crossed her arms, but spoke in a quiet voice, almost as if she was scared of what his reaction will be, “Can we skip the reading and all today? I’m not feeling well.” 

Rhys was by her side in an instant, a hand on her forehead. Feyre recoiled at his touch causing Rhys to stiffen, he immediately drew his hand back and looked at her with worry shining in his eyes. She rolled her eyes and sighed exasperatedly and nodded. She felt more than saw Rhys’s shoulders slump with relief. He touched her forehead gently and Feyre felt shivers slither down her spine. 

Rhys hissed frowning, “Darling it seems that you might have a fever. Your head is as hot as the sun.” “I thought fae didn’t-” before she could get her sentence a blinding bolt of pain shot through her and she groaned, clutching her stomach. 

“Feyre! Darling, look at me!” Rhys’s voice was rising with every wors, fear laced in them. When she didn’t listen to him he held her chin and gathered her into his arms but she couldn’t bring herself to care for the pain was now climbing in intensity. 

It felt as if the pain was a snake coiled around her body, suffocating her, constricting her bones and squeezing the life out of her. She curled herself into a ball in his arms and Rhys was at once walking-no winnowing. 

“Is this the part where you’re going to kill me?” She said through panting breaths only to regret opening her mouth because it seemed to have agitated the pain and now she was being transported under the mountain. Rhys’s responses were drowned out by her groans and screams. Nightmares and memories blurred together and Rhys was at once Amarantha carrying her away to be spiked on the wall, breaking her neck as she was about to reach Rhys to help him up from the floor. Amarantha looked at her corpse and spat in her face before saying, “You’re a worm, undeserving of love from anyone. No one will miss you Feyre. I’m just doing everyone a favour.” Feyre breathed in, feeling peace wash over her and everything went black.

“Darling, please wake up, you’re fine-you’re safe” 

She opened her eyes to find Rhys holding her hand and stroking her hair. 

She was in her bed again, the covers around her shoulders. On seeing that she was awake Rhys smiled weakly and pushed back a strand of errant hair. “ So we figured out what happened. Your fae cycle started. Considering your reaction I’m thinking that this was the first time it happened since you became a fae ” Oh. Oh. realisation dawned on her and she could feel her cheeks heat from embarrassment. Rhys showed no sign of shyness or judgement as helped her sit up on the bed. 

She realised that her clothes were different and before she could accuse him he raised his hands in surrender, “I didn’t do anything. After I took you to a healer and she explained why you passed out from the pain. I had Nuala and Cerridwen help you into a fresh set of clothes, the other one was soiled and apparently, you were half awake because Nuala told me that you refused to be changed into clothes by other people because you are not, and I quote, “A holier than thou jackass like Rhysand.” he ended with an amused glance towards her before giving her a  mug from conjured thin air. “It’s a tonic that reduces the pain. The healer said to drink it whenever you feel the pain coming on.” She nodded gratefully and drank the tonic greedily only to spit it on Rhyand’s face, he stared at her in shock and started to apologise, “Oh gods! Fuck I am so sorry! The taste- it was so- repulsive! that I-” her ramblings were cut off by the sight of Rhys laughing.

 Peals of laughter, silvery and melodious filled the room and she was shocked to find the fearsome, cruel all-powerful High Lord of the night court clutching his stomach in laughter with a tonic shining on his face and his shirt wet but she had no time to remark at his laughing when the pain returned and she groaned making Rhys sober up immediately. He cleared his throat, self consciously, 

“Ok that’s it I’m going to take care of you. I’ll be at your beck and call all week. No guest of mine will ever have to feel discomfort and pain in my court while I’m around” 

Feyre bit out through the pain, “Don’t you have better things to do than helping a lady get through her cycle.” Rhys replied smoothly, not missing a beat, “Of course not! Darling-” she fell back onto the pillows and closed her eyes letting Rhys talk while she drifted off to sleep. 

If she had tried to stay awake  a little longer she would’ve heard Rhys whisper a promise to the stars and her. “There is nothing I won’t do for you Feyre. Absolutely nothing. I will go to the ends of the universe if you ask me to. Too bad you don’t know that yet, my darling.” He pushed her hair back from her face taking the mug from her clenched hands before kissing her forehead. He backed away from her and started walking but he didn’t want to leave her alone  so he opted to sit in the chair next to the bed and said to the silent room, “My beautiful, strong, selfless mate, I will always be yours, even if you don’t want to be mine”

Tag list: let me know if you want to be tagged for my fics💕

@story-scribbler @thebonecarver

@kayla-2 (thought you'd like this) @evolving-dreamer @feysand-loml

[angelwiththeblue-box]

i'll stop the world (and melt with you)

flarrie trapped in a closet au requested by @sapphossidechick hope you enjoy!!

This was not how Carrie thought this day was going to go.

Dirty Candi was touring and they and Julie and the Phantoms were doing a meetup event, a way to get people to pay way too much for tickets.

Both the shows went great, and Julie even had a civil conversation with Carrie.

Carrie had apologized, after Julie's performance at the Orpheum. She didn’t think Julie would forgive her, after everything Carrie had done. and Carrie was mostly correct.

Julie said that she was glad Carrie apologized, and maybe with time they could work towards being friends again. Carrie was just glad she got that much.

Carrie apologized to Flynn next. Well, she tried to, but Flynn wasn’t hearing it. and Carrie deserved that. She respected both Flynn and Julie's decisions, waving at Julie in the hallways, not messing up any chances Julie had with her band, overall trying to be supportive. but with Flynn she didn’t know what to do. She gave up trying to make it up to them and ended up just ignoring her.

It was a foolproof plan.

Until it wasn’t.

The first quake hit thirty minutes after Julie got off stage. Screams filled the air and Carrie flinched, wishing she could be anywhere else.

The building shakes and Carrie freezes. They used to train for this at school, living in California meant that you could be four seconds from an earthquake, but everything Carrie remembered was flying out her brain.

She couldn’t move. She never really understood being frozen in fear until now.

The building shakes again, and Carrie drops to the ground.

She wraps her hands over her head. Carrie isn’t religious but at that moment she starts praying to anyone that she could survive this.

“CARRIE!” Carrie hears someone running towards her and pulling her up and into a room, right as the ceiling cracks, raining dust and debris over the spot where Carrie was sitting.

Carrie looks up as the door closes. The whole building is shaking and Carrie feels tears gathering in her eyes.

“Kayla?” She asks.

“You wish.” Flynn says, her voice coming from Carrie’s left.

“You saved me?” Carrie asks, a smile forming in her face.

“You going soft on me, Wilson?” Flynn responds, probably trying to sound mean, but it comes out playful and teasing.

Another large quake rocks the building and Carrie shrieks and moves towards Flynn instinctively.

“Sorry,” she mutters, moving away.

They sit in awkward silence for a few moments, before another quake hits. Carrie squeaks and her nails dig into her skin.

“...Hey, you okay?” Flynn asks quietly.

“Who, me?” Carrie responds sarcastically. “Just peachy.”

“If you want, you can hold my hand?” Flynn offers.

Carrie sits in stunned silence.

“Or not, it’s a stupid idea.” Flynn rambles.

“No, it’s not- I just. I thought you hated me?” Carrie responds.

“Why-“ Flynn starts- but another quake rumbles through and Carrie finds Flynn’s hand and squeezes it.

“I didn’t hate you.” Flynn admits as the quake dies down. “I wanted to hate you because the alternative was worse. And after everything that’s happened- I really wanted to forgive you, but I didn’t want you to hurt us again.”

“I’m sorry.” Carrie apologizes. “I really am, Flynn, please believe me.”

“I do.” Flynn whispers.

“Really?” Carrie asks, hope dawning on her face.

Flynn nods, and Carrie leans into them.

“I forgive you.” Flynn murmurs as another quake hits. Carrie buries her head in Flynn’s shoulder, tears streaming down her face.

“I don’t want to die here.” Carrie whimpers. “I don’t want to die.”

“We aren’t gonna die, Carrie.” Flynn tightens their hold on Carrie. “I promise, we aren’t going to die.”

Carrie nods, hoping that someone will find them.

Ten minutes have passed, Carrie hasn’t moved, afraid that the next quake will be their last.

Flynn tentatively stands up, pulling Carrie up with them. Flynn feels her way over to the door and tries to pull it open with her left hand, the right holding onto Carrie’s.

Eventually Flynn manages to shove it open. Small bits of debris fall on them and Carrie sneezes.

“You okay?” Flynn asks as Carrie sneezes three more times.

“I’m allergic to dust. Or whatever this is.” Carrie responds, before sneezing.

“Hey, we didn’t die.” Flynn says, poking Carrie’s shoulder. Carrie blushes.

“No, we did not.” Carrie admits. “Thank you. For dealing with me.”

Flynn smiles softly. “Always.” They gently tug on Carrie’s hand, the two walking out of the building and into the sunlight where Julie and the rest of their friends were waiting.

[jeepers-scoob]

I'm so fucking done

[truebratinc]

I have started this a thousand times and I guess this is as real as it gets, because I cannot find the words.

Today I sat and cried in the shower, hot. The water felt like needles and I cried. Like and I mean played every fucking song that ever broke my heart and I laid down in the bottom of the tub, surrounded by water and I let it all out. I punched the shower walls until my fists were on the verge of bleeding, and wailed at the top of my fucking lungs. Feeling every feeling I have pushed down deep inside of me like a jar of forgotten hope. I laid there, alone, listening to songs my ex boyfriend would love, kicking and screaming and I fell apart.

Today for the first time, in a long time. I really actually let myself feel that shit. And I felt it.

Arguing with myself, back and forth.

“Why are you here?”

“Because people fucking need you to be.”

“They will get over it.”

“But will you?”

“What do you mean”

“You know what I fucking mean. Can you live with the fact you left your children. That you held hands with the devil, and he opened the fucking door for you as you walked right into his trap.”

“stop.”

“Can you live with the fact that you left your mom. She’s already alone.”

“Stop!”

“Can you live with the fact that you left so many people that really love you? What about Maddi? Jamie? What about lexie, and don? What about Johnny and fucking sanders? What about marcus? What about jenni? What about gabi? And Taylor? Kayla? Bucks? What about Nathan? What about Trent? Madison? Alec? Your sisters? What about Lisa? Lydia? What about your brothers? Rachel?”

“WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE YOU DIDNT EVEN THINK WOULD FUCKING MISS YOU. WHAT ABOUT SOPHIA. WHAT ABOUT THOSE RANDOM GIRLS ON FACEBOOK THAT YOU HAVENT MET YET. WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL AT THE DRIVE THRU WONDERING WHEN SHE SEES YOUR PICTURE. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARENT AROUND ANYMORE. WHAT ABOUT DESTINY. WHAT ABOUT KAYLA. WHAT ABOUT HAZEL. AND WHAT ABOUT AVA GOD DAMNIT. What about Ava..”

“STOP.”

“What about Becca? Little man? What about bie? Liv? Xav? Nico? Bella?”

“Please stop.”

“These are things you have to think about. You have to feel these things. Or you aren’t sure.”

Today I argued with myself, I wanted so badly just to hurt myself and move on.

I couldn’t bring myself to these things.

Because my hands shook, and I knew I couldn’t even muster the courage to kick me when I’m down.

Today I learned something.

Today I learned I will be alone in all of the darkest times, and everyone around me will scream as if they are dying because hearing someone say that they want to die is to be fucking ignored and overlooked.

Today I learned I will be alone in the darkest of times because I choose not to bring down the people that give off brightness around me.

Today I learned that it is best to let them all think that you will last.

Today I learned the only way to keep going is to sit down and shake hands with the devil on my shoulder, rally the demons. And fight to the best of my ability.

Today I learned, your days really are numbered.

Today I learned that I love who I am. It’s the fact that I can’t handle the people I love, not loving me for who I am.

Today I found such a peace within myself.

Today I broke my own rules, and I put out raw emotion that seems like rambling.

Today, I wiped my face off. I took in all the vibrations of this chaos. And I thrived off of the knowledge that I will either make it or I won’t. And that I thought about it.

Today I found a part of me, that I had forgotten existed.

The soft part of me.

Today.

I have changed...