#kayden said don’t fuck around and find out

[barelylocalonline]

Photo by: Daemon

New Kids On The Block: Daemon

by barelylocal |  This article is from June 2024, so some info may be outdated.

The shows throughout June saw two newcomers to the scene, Idiots Haven and Daemon. I got to chat with both of these bands and learn more about them. NOTE: This article only includes the Daemon interview. You can read Idiots Haven's interview here.

“We’re Daemon. That’s the name, right?”

I’m sitting on the patio of Cultivate 712. Across from me is Daemon, the newest band to the Waco scene, composed of Kayden on bass and vocals, Emmanuel on drums and Carson and Eduardo on guitar.

Immediately, it’s clear that they’re all close friends. They’re so comfortable with each other. It feels like a group of guys just hanging out. This makes sense when they tell me how they got started.

“Me and Carson talked about [having a band] sophomore year,” Kayden says. “‘We’re gonna play, we’re gonna play.’ The problem was always finding a drummer.”

The band finally started taking shape whenever Kayden and Eduardo started working at Raising Canes together.

“We both talked about music,” Eduardo says. “I play guitar and he plays bass and sings, so I said we should just get together and jam out.”

Kayden was still on the fence about putting time and money into playing for real. After all, they still didn’t have a drummer. That is, until Eduardo suggested a drummer he knew: his brother, Emmanuel.

“As soon as he mentioned he had a drummer, I was like, ‘Oh, let’s do this!’” Kayden says. “We needed somebody to play lead, so I called Carson. I said, ‘Do you wanna play thrash metal?’ He goes, ‘I’ll give it a try!’”

The group was originally going to play grunge, with Carson citing Nirvana as the “gateway drug band.”

“Then, Eduardo’s like, ‘I wanna play thrash! I wanna get people moving!’” Kayden says. “‘Fuck it. Let’s do it.’”

They list dozens of bands as inspirations. Mostly thrash, of course, but they all have varied music tastes. Other artists are mentioned like Jimi Hendrix, Olivia Rodrigo and Daft Punk.

“It’s not just metal,” Eduardo says. “It’s a bunch of music that we take and put in a blender and try to make it our own.”

Out of the four of them, Kayden has been in the scene the longest. Collectively, though, they say their favorite thing about the scene is the community.

“It’s the only place where you can hit the fuck out of everybody and they say thank you for it,” Carson says. “It’s so strange.”

Kayden mentions that the group wants more people involved in the scene, though.

“There were a lot of people here tonight just to see us and we’re really grateful for that,” he says. “But we wish everyone would’ve stayed around the entire night and come to more than just one show.”

When I ask about their favorite local bands, they’re quick to name Idiots Haven. They talk about how eager Idiots Haven was to play with them, and how chill they are.

“That was the first time I ever met them and I got the firmest handshake of my life,” Carson says.

They mention Forget-Me-Nots and Gobblinz as general local Texas bands and DogBite and Rewound as more Waco-specific.

“Also, RASURA. I fucking love RASURA,” Carson says. “I’m so sad I’m not listening to them right now.”

RASURA’s set had started about halfway into our interview. I decide to let Daemon go and end the interview. When I ask if there’s anything else they’d like to add, Carson speaks up first.

“I got my back blown out in the mosh pit,” he says. “I set my guitar down and got my shit blown.”

You can follow Daemon on Instagram at daemon.tx. Their shows are actually insane, so don’t miss the next one.

Read part one with Idiots Haven here.

[bighndrxx]

smile: eren jaeger

chapter 2: ‘bitch you’re my soulmate’

summary: when the twins parents aren’t there for their 18th birthday, kayden decides to make the most of it.

lowercase intended. previous chapter -> chapter 1

kodi woke up the next morning in her bed with nalani sprawled out on her bed as well. she was still in her clothes from the party before, leading her to believe they both blacked out. “lani..nalani..” she tapped her friend repeatedly trying to wake her up. it worked, nalani woke up with a confused expression on her face looking around the room. “bitch we blacked out?”

they both erupted in laughter, which stopped in sync when they both felt headaches at the same time. nalani picked up her phone to check the time, 12:34pm it read, with numerous messages from kayden, and their other friends asking where they were. “they thought we died or sum” nalani said, her face scrunching at the brightness of her phone. kodi let out a dry chuckle before she got up to get herself ready for the day-- or noon. 

the two quickly finished getting themselves ready, the thought that they slept in their party clothes and makeup alone made kodi cringe. “soooo.. what we doing today?” nalani asked as she laid on kodi’s bed, scrolling through her phone. kodi shrugged, she didn’t have anything planned for her actual birthday but she knew kayden would probably have a plan so she’d tag along regardless. “chill with kayden and his friends probably then go to the bnb at 8” she said putting her hair into a claw clip. “speaking off, why was that white boy looking at you like that yesterday?” she put down her phone, looking at her friend with eyes that told kodi all she needed to know. kodi looked back at her friend with a smile, it was as if they communicated telepathically. “bitchhhh!!” nalani jumped up immediately. “but he got a girlfriend, and he kayden friend I can’t talk to him no more” she said as she picked up her phone again. “girl fuck his girlfriend, when I asked if he had a lighter yesterday she was mugging me like I fucked him” she started “and I don’t know why you be acting like kayden yo daddy, so what if that’s his friend?” she finished. kodi shrugged. the twins never dated each others friends, solely because they were so close they would have to constantly see the person regardless if they were still together or not. she didn't respond because she began to think, how come she never seen eren or connie before? she once again didn’t have that much time to think because the smell of weed quickly seeped into her bedroom. nalani got up and opened the bedroom door only to find a few of the same people from yesterday in the basement acting as if this was it was part two of last night.

“kodi why kayden got these niggas in yo house like this?” nalani looked back at kodi who was also confused, and slightly annoyed came to the door quickly to see what was going on. she was met by eren jean and connie smoking with her brother, with erens girlfriend on the couch as if she lived there. kodi walked out, growing more annoyed with the situation. “daddy said you could smoke in here?” she asked her brother who groaned as if he was being bugged by an annoying little sister. “daddy not here, so i’mma do what I want” he said to his sister, who wasn’t pleased with the way her brother was acting. “he not here on our birthday lets’s enjoy it at least” he said with an attitude. “plus eren drove yo drunk ass home yesterday, so be thankful” she opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the guest on the couch. “girl just chill” she said from the couch, her tone suggested she was growing annoyed with kodi. “don’t call me girl like you know me or sum” she responded quickly, not liking how the stranger was speaking to her. “hey hey” jean quickly interrupted before the light skin could respond. “kodi, that’s eren’s girlfriend, mariah. mariah, that’s kayden’s sister” he talked with his hands. kodi looked at mariah for a final time before she opened her phone.

nalani was silent the entire time, which was a red flag to kayden who knew nalani like a sister. “lani what you thinking about?” he said from the bean bag chair he was sitting on. “bout this ass whoopin you finna get” she said. the basement was kodi’s area usually, and it was decorated like it. so when she found a group of people all over her decor it irritated her to the max. “soooo kodi” connie started “your boyfriend got you flowers for your birthday or do I have to?” he said cheekily. kodi scrunched her face, “who told you I had a boyfriend?” she said in confusion. connie pointed to kayden who refrained from laughing. “so you don’t have one?” eren interrupted abruptly. kodi looked up to him, she wasn’t the only one looking either. they looked back at each-other for a while. mariah noticed, frowning quickly. “hell nah” kayden said under his breath, making nalani chuckle. “no i don’t have a boyfriend” she finally stated. eren smirked “how come?” kodi shrugged. “because she’s rude as fuck if you couldn’t tell” kayden interrupted. kodi ignored him, moving closer to nalani who began taking videos of herself. kodi moved towards the phone, kissing nalani on the cheek for the photo. “why can’t niggas do that for photos?” connie asked “jean come here”

“don’t fucking touch me” he said as he focused on the game in front of him. “i still can’t believe you never told us you had a sister” connie said in disbelief as he laid on the second beanbag seat. “and why jean never mentioned her” eren added as he was focused on the game next to jean. “i did dickhead, nobody listens to me” jean responded finally peeling his eyes from the screen in front of him, which was true. the two just assumed kodi was a boy every time she was mentioned.

“so who’s older?” connie asked.

“me” kayden said with quickness, kodi usually ignored questions revolving around her and her brother. kayden on the other hand always answered all of them, reassuring people that he was the superior twin. kodi was hoping connie would get enough after the first answer, but he just kept going. “I think I like kodi better than kayden personally” eren said after the rounds of questions connie gave. “I personally like kodi better as well” jean added on. kodi smiled at the two of them faintly, more so jean than eren. although they never appeared that close, they always had a bond that could never be damaged. jean was one of the few people besides nalani that saw kodi for kodi, and not who her brother or father was. if you asked jean, he’d admit the one summer before their senior year of high school had been on his mind constantly, he’d fell in love with her, but couldn’t do it publicly because of her brother. because of that he made sure he always had her back, wether it was silently or not. 

“you two have the same dimple...that’s cute” eren said watching kodi’s smile. since he met her he’d only seen her make a few expressions— the expressions being how her face looked when she moaned and her typical deadpan. seeing her smile, especially for longer than 3 seconds was charming to him to say the least. “hell nah” Kayden mumbled under his breathe once again, this time louder than the first one. 

“toxic masculinity is killing my people” connie said, earning a middle finger from kayden. “uh” eren coughed. “bathroom?” he asked “it’s one in kodi room” jean responded, realizing he spoke to quick shortly after. kayden side eyed him as he hit the blunt in his hands, looking back to connie who side eyed jean. “fuck no. lemme show the you bathroom upstairs” she said, getting out her seat. eren followed the 5’7 dark skin up the stairs.

“bringing your girlfriend to my house is crazy i hope you know that” kodi said folding her arms as she leaned against the frame of the bathroom. “i missed you” he ignored her comment, moving closer to her body. his hands found her waist, moving her closer to him as well. if kodi said she didn’t feel the same way she’d be lying. she found him incredibly attractive, regardless of the fact that he had someone else attached to his name. he began to burrow his head into her neck “can i come back? without her” he said “mhm” she said softly. she was wrong, she knew she was wrong but she didn’t care. “i didn’t have to pee by the way” he said, letting go of kodi’s waist. he began to move back to the basement.

[ladyhatter614]

Kayden: Hey, protect the kids and put up your own spacial isolation

Kartein: Fuck you, I'm not getting involved in your pointless fight.

Jiwoo & his friends, excitedly waiting to see Kartein’s power: 🤩🤩😮😮

Kartein: ...

Kartein: ... Well I was going to protect our son the kids anyway, so go and destroy this guy already.✨🙄💅✨

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#258

“I haven’t seen you before. You must be a new shower room attendant. Follow me. You seem a little young. How old are you?... Really? You have ID on you?... I ain’t fucking no jailbait. Let me see it…. Well damn, I can’t believe they are getting actual 18-year-olds to attend to us drivers. This is our shower room. After you. How long have you been doing this?... Today is your first day? Well ain’t I lucky?... Go ahead and strip….

“You really are adorable. How much do you weigh?... 120?... I’m way more than double your weight. That’s a pretty tiny pecker you have there. Get it the shower and jack off for me. I want to see it hard. I got to check on my phone if my load is ready. Continue playing with yourself. Remember, you are here to satisfy my needs, all my needs. What I need right now is to see a tiny 5’4”-ish barely legal faggot play with her tiny little peepee. But don’t you fucking cum.

“So tell me, what do you do when you are not servicing truck drivers as their shower room attendant? Wait a minute, that school is an hour-and-a-half away.

“Let go of your peepee and come over here. You looking for your shit? I placed them outside in the hallway. Don’t worry no one will take your stuff.

“Look at me, you like my belly? Feel it. You like big men like me? I bet you want to suck my cock. It’s real big. Compared to yours a crayon would seem huge. Don’t worry, I have no plans on touching it. Here help me out of these sweats.

“Lay on the floor on your back. Look up at me. You are going to start your attendant part now. My shithole needs your tongue in it. Don’t even begin to fucking protest. You are eating my shithole. I’ve got you immobilized. You ain’t going anywhere, except inside my crack. I have your tiny balls in my hand and I will rip them off if I don’t start feeling some tongue probing my shithole. Good.

“Now listen up, and do not stop eating as I say the following to you. Faggot—or what was your name, Kaiden? —you picked the wrong truck stop to hunt for trucker dick, and even more so, you picked the wrong trucker to cruise.

“You ain’t no shower attendant. Abraham wouldn’t put out jailbait without notifying us and charging extra. And all his faggot attendants have their tiny peepees under a chastity lock with a threat of castration of it was ever touched let alone jerked off.

“Keep that tongue going. There’s a lot more. When I was texting for information about my load, I was asking Abraham about you. He said you weren’t his. That means, I own your unclaimed faggoty ass. There’s no outside life to return to.

“He texted back to say that you parked down the street, and that you snuck back here. That is so awesome. And, more importantly, I’m in the clear. In the clear for what? Well first I want to get up for this. I want to see your face when I say this.

“Jayden, you fucked up…. What?... I don’t give a shit that your name is Kayden. You are not going to have a name going forward. You are about to drop off the face of the planet today. I’m a collector. I go around the country, finding young men who have very little connection to their area, and I collect them. I train them in my truck and bring them to processing places like this. Abraham is already having your car taken somewhere where it will be broken down and sold for parts. All contents will be destroyed. That includes your clothes I put outside the door here. You have nothing.

“What you did in the shower was filmed by a hidden camera and seen around the globe. Potential buyers as far as Germany or Singapore might have viewed you thinking of putting in a bid.

“Don’t worry, no one will come looking for you here, and if they do, you will be long gone. It’s Friday night, and you won’t be missed for at least a half a day. You will be long processed deep into our system.

“You ever had a man up your ass?... Faggot answer me! Hey Braiden! Back to reality. You ever been fucked?... Pity, had you been a virgin, I know you would have been sold on the spot. Oh well, I’m still horny. Your ass eating will need practice, lots of it. But first, I need to bust my nut. Back in the shower.

“Don’t want to move? Just know this, I know how to rip balls off. You are going to be with me for the next several weeks. I’m going to be in your ass several times a day. We might as well start now.

“So here comes the tears. Good. Now bend over and look forward. I want the camera to catch your despair and your suffering. Feel my massive cock head at your cunt? Look pretty for all those men out there Aiden.”

[ahomeganeyatsu]

Sunrise

NSFW-ish??? Anywaaaays. I have finally done it. This has been a long time coming. lmao

Read on AO3.

Inhyuk wakes up to the sun hitting his face. He groans, turning away from it. There’s a taste in his mouth he couldn’t quite put and a thrumming sting all over his body. The latter was something he was familiar with. You don’t get to be his age without getting into a few fights. What he didn’t quite understand was the underlying current of satisfaction.

That usually happened after the battle itself. Usually, hard fights just had him aching all over the morning after—awakened abilities or not. At least, he wasn’t in a hospital. The soft sheets against his skin told him exactly his state of dress. Or lack thereof.  Which, turns into another question of why.

He can’t quite remember what he had been doing before now. He remembers going for drinks with Seongha and Giwook. Chairwoman Yoo had been there too, among them some of the more tolerable instructors in the Academy. His head throbs as he tries to recall what the celebration had been about.

A soft grumble sounded to his left and it took a second before Inhyuk found himself suddenly sitting up. Bad fucking idea, he berated himself as the throbbing turned into a jackhammer splitting his head open. He takes a steadying breath to quell the nausea. Once the pain became bearable, he looked to the source of the sound.

Long hair was the first thing he saw. It wasn’t anything special, really. It’s just hair. It didn’t stop him from sending himself into a panic. 

This cannot be happening. Oh god, what in the world did I do. He tries to calm himself but it was increasingly difficult. Jisuk was going to kill him. Well, more like Subin will. Inhyuk wasn’t blind to the crush the teenager held for his boss. And fuck, this was his boss.

I just slept with my boss. I’m dead. So. dead.

Wait. shit. No. Calm down Inhyuk. You can’t jump to conclusions. You’re naked. Probably drank alcohol half your body weight that you can’t remember anything. You need to go about this rationally. You need irrefutable evidence!

He breathes. Practically, wrestling his heart to drop into a normal pace. He looks back at the sleeping figure. Long black hair spilled over his pillows. A flash of something in his memories and he knows they felt silky soft.  Knows how they feel wrapped around his fingers.

Heat flushes throughout his body. Not now! He screams at the stir of arousal in his gut.

Dammit, he hasn’t even figured out who the person is! They’re curled into themself, sheets wrapped around their whole body. Only the top of their head and feet poked out. Honestly, Inhyuk shouldn’t have immediately gone to the conclusion that it was Chairwoman Yoo.

(He shouldn’t even have jumped to them sleeping with each other. Maybe we didn’t even get past the foreplay. Maybe we just passed out. Soft hair in his hand, a gasping moan, a frustrated whine, nails clawing onto his back)

Besides, she’s not the only person Inhyuk knows who has long black hair.

The thought of that other person nearly sends him into his grave.

He couldn’t even decide which was worse. Either ended with Inhyuk’s death. Whether figuratively or phyiscally.

There’s an easier way of figuring this out. He’s just prolonging his suffering by thinking about it. He just has to lean over and peak at their face. Maybe he’ll find out it was neither of them in the first place. He could have picked up some other person in that club. Maybe it wasn’t even someone he knew. He wasn’t exactly a stranger to one-night-stands.

Mind made up, Inhyuk carefully leans over the sleeping figure.

“You better not be thinking what I think you’re going to do.”

The voice dashes any hope of who his bed partner is. The figure shifts and the sheets reveal a glaring pair of dark eyes. Inhyuk spies the marks littering that pale elegant neck. I did that, a tiny part of him proudly purrs.

A larger part of him his screaming that he just slept with Kayden.

It’s not even fucking fair that he looks so good like this. Sleep-rumpled, Inhyuk’s marks decorating his skin, and the sun shining gently on him. Their’s a softness to him in this barely-awake state. Even the glare didn’t have the usual murderous fire in them.

“I’m not kissing you until you wash your damned mouth,” Kayden’s grumble interrupts his thoughts.

The words unfurl a scene in his mind’s eye, a bit hazy but his other senses vividly recall. Inhyuk feels a smirk tugging at his lips.

He lets himself fall a little closer. “That’s not what you said last night.”

He surprises himself at how quickly the panic is receding. The more he lets it go, the more the flashes of last night become clearer.

Remembers Kayden’s impatience. His demands and the way he had clung to him. The noises he made as Inhyuk drove himself into him.

Inhyuk drops his head onto that neck, and nips at the largest mark he left there. Kayden groans and strikes him hard with a pillow. It only just makes Inyuk laugh.

“You’re going to be a goodmann menace, aren’t you?” Kayden grouses.

Inhyuk snorts. He knows for a fact now that it hadn’t been him who had done the dragging. “Drunk you would argue about that.”

“Shut up and get off me. I feel disgusting.” He relents as Kayden pushes him off. Inhyuk can’t argue about that remark. Dried cum didn’t exactly feel pleasant on your skin. Seeing the stains on Kayden’s legs, he would be feeling worse.

Kayden looks at him and rolls his eyes. ��Get up and show me where the bathroom is.”

Inhyuk obeys. They both forgo covering themselves. Getting shy was a bit too late now. When they reach the bathroom. Kayden pushes him into the shower. “Take responsibility,” he says. “You made this mess, you better clean it up.”

And it’s the most roundabout invitation Inhyuk has ever gotten for some early morning shower sex. Then again, he hadn’t been trying that hard to hide the growing interest from his little buddy.

“I thought you didn’t want to kiss me with my morning breath?” he asks instead.

It’s Kayden’s turn to smirk. His hand reaches for the back of Inhyuk’s neck. His fingers grip his hair and he leans to whisper in his ear. His breath is warm and his lips brush against the sensitive skin there. “Put your mouth to work somewhere else.”

Inhyuk may not remember everything last night but he remembers enough right now to know it had been good. The fact that Kayden’s hasn’t murdered him yet, he’s determined to make up for what he forgot. They may have enjoyed it while they were both drunk. Inhyuk’s going to make it better with both of them sober.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 09/21 NXT 09/23 NXT UK 09/24 Smackdown 09/25 Clash of Champions 09/27 + Main Event 09/24

Raw:

Billie’s not wrong. None of these people are wrong. That title has fallen so fucking far since Becky held it, Jesus.

Interesting to see Billie Kay be somewhat (?) supportive of Peyton. Manager?

I implore women to stop using red eyeliner unless you’re trying to look possessed.

Oh at least Mickie’s gonna have her last match with her snazzy pants on.

God that theme music is so outdated.

If there was one person on the roster that could convince me they wrestled in the Diva’s era, it’d be Mickie James.

Beautiful Octopus, dare I say best in the division. Look at those crossed legs. Just beautiful, Zelina.

Man it was cool watching Zelina reverse the powerbomb attempt into a rollup, but Mickie couldn’t be bothered to get her shoulders down for a 2 count before the reversal. Shame.

Zelina needs an increase to her speed to pull off the style she’s going for, but it’s a fun style.

oof I think Mickie actually caught Zelina’s forehead with that high kick.

Seated Senton off the top rope is garbage and I hate it.

Lmfao Zelina won with a backstabber. She’s literally Sasha-lite. Okay.

Word was Bianca was the star of the pc combine, right? So if you wanna showcase her strength, do it against someone I fucking know lmao. Who was this bro? Of course she’s stronger than a nobody in the pc. Friggin Alexa Bliss can effortlessly give piggy back rides to Sheamus. That’s impressive, because I know how strong and big he is. This could’ve been done better is all I’m saying. Maybe do a sitdown interview with her pc peeps hyping her up, or show footage of her blowing everyone in the combine out the park. Idk.

Ruby stop hyping up Nia and Shayna individually, individually they suck lol lesbireal.

So did Ruby just give Liv her shirt? …You know what, it works, I’m not gonna dig into this.

I feel like all women use the same starting moves against Nia and it’s a little tired ngl. They do this headscissors into a standing crucifix hold, and then slide down to try and roll her up. Then she picks them up and headbutts them. Come on peeps.

Mk just throw Lana through another table, she’s as useless in the ring (kf wise) as Liv is on commentary (non-kf wise)

Let me rewind, how did Nattie get taken out this time? A punch again. COOL. Nattie confirmed worst tag partner in the history of the division.

Lmfao rip Lana. Bye.

Wow we just said fuck entrances huh? Ugh God. Imagine Becky not getting an entrance as a damn champion.

So Peyton forgoes jumping for the German suplex, which could’ve resulted in her landing on Asuka’s head, and her reaction is to laugh. Consummate professional. Becky Lynch’s optic cranial nerve injury (caused by a failed German suplex) called, it can’t seem to find the humor.

Idk what that double underhooked move was by Peyton, but it was nice.

What bothers me about Peyton’s spinning heel kick, is as high as she gets it, she only hits people with her calf. Awkward to see.

That attempted transition into the Asuka Lock was... something.

Highlight: Lana going through the table

---

NXT:

Did Tegan say “why me” to Candice fucking her knee up with a metal pipe? Somebody get this girl some tissues.

Haha watching Tegan writhe in pain is funny. Candice gets points. And I do not like giving Candice points.

Really appreciate Rhea’s theme after hearing so much generic garbage lately. She’s so done with nxt as a performer, she has passed literally all of them by.

Not to be that person, but seeing so many people in the ring together bothers me. If one person was sick, literally all of them are sick now. It’s just kinda yikes.

Did they forego having a crowd? If so, wise. There’s enough ppl in the ring and at ringside.

Rhea fucking yeeted that girl into the barrier lmaooo.

“...Marina Shafir who’s done some great things on Raw Underground recently,” lmao sure.

The absolute half-assed attempt by that girl to pull herself up before Rhea booted her down to the floor was questionable.

So adding all these random peeps from the pc to this battle royal was done solely to have Raquel and Rhea flex for their feud in 4 months, huh.

Kacy does cool shit, wbk lmao. Gets kicked out, lands on her back, rolls into a handstand, rotates, pulls herself up into the ring using her feet on the ropes; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, pulls herself up, uses the plexiglass to help balance herself, jumps onto the stairs; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, stands on Kayden’s shoulders and gets chauffeured back to the ring. Brilliant. Would be overkill in a Royal Rumble, but it works here.

R&R eliminate each other/themselves together. Fitting. Dakota “help me I’m useless on my own” Kai is shook.

Why is Indi in the top 5? Or top 7? How is this girl so damn prestigious??

Kacy really just slung herself around the ringpost. I’m becoming a fan of her antics/performances in multiwomen matches.

I see Shotzi’s character is, “I come so close yet cannot manage to touch the gold.” I feel for her... cuz I can’t stand Candice.

Boooo

I love how Io carries herself. She’s a shining example of not allowing her heritage to hold her back or make her feel unimportant. She responds in Japanese, and without missing a beat, translates in perfectly spoken and quick English. Never dances, never smiles, never looks like a chump. Serious and answers the damn question. She gets points.

Highlight: Kacy shenanigans

---

NXT UK:

Lol I love KLR so much. Just ducks out of the ring the first time she’s bested.

“KLR is well versed in mental manipulation,” that she is. She’s honestly a top competitor in that sense; equal to the likes of Sasha and Charlotte when it comes to psychology.

Piper’s got power. Ragdolling KLR here.

That’s right, performing with Charlotte Flair at wm is an accolade one can only hope to achieve (I’m annoying I know) no but seriously, KLR vs Becky Lynch? Take my money.

Nice Superkick, nice Tornado ddt.

Dear ref, stop yelling at her and restart the count. Dweeb.

Lmao self inflicted wreckage of her knee. 

This ref is a walking headache. We’re now getting into the autumn of overbooked women’s matches. And UK’s first title match back. Yikes.

That senton was awkward and looked painful af for KLR’s neck. If you’re gonna risk that move while selling a leg injury, make sure you have more space to correct your landing.

I almost wish that turnbuckle came undone naturally because KLR is already such a good seller, but I’m gonna assume this is a worked move since it’s been left exposed.

Yeah see there are issues with that spot. Positives: KLR didn’t purposefully undo the turnbuckle, so it’s not on her to give another title match; the spot has potential, as I’m guessing that would be genuinely painful. Negatives: Piper is too big of a woman to hit the lower turnbuckle doing the cannonball, so she ended up hitting the middle... which was padded. Good ending on paper if you don’t do the equations, but poor execution. Not Piper nor KLR’s fault though.

Slow pacing and I hate overbooked garbage, but this obviously isn’t the only match they’re having so *shrug*

Highlight: Clean tornado ddt, and I do love KLR’s selling

---

Smackdown:

Lol Bayley has her chair. She automatically gets a point every time I see it.

Top of the ramp this time? Okay, sure.

Stop cutting to the fancams, production. I don’t care about their reactions.

A fine enough promo to move along both of her angles, but production sucks. Wbk though.

“...one of the most complex personalities,” which personality of Alexa’s are we referring to, though?

Their timing on her pyro was off and now I’m sad. The pops during the breakdown leading into the fountains are fucking amazing and honestly cannot be topped by any of the other women.

When did Alexa stop wearing her gloves to the ring? Probably when she turned face. Shame.

She just called Lacey bitter, southern tea, and you know what? What a fucking drag. Imagine bitter southern tea. As someone who was raised in the south, that is a disgrace to southern tea. Sweet sun tea or pass.

Look at Alexa: selling Lacey’s strength, full of agile speed, and yet here’s Lacey not even bothering to put her shoulders down for her pin attempt. SAD.

A problem I consistently have with SD in particular is how they set up commercial breaks. They always do something dramatic, cut to commercial, come back and shit’s always completely different. How you gonna cut from Alexa leading and hearing the Fiend’s laugh, to return to Lacey in charge ???

Dear Cole, why are you calling her Alexis lol. Like I know that’s her real name but, hello??

oof Alexa’s midsection is beet red.

Lacey has not been putting on a “clinic” stop tossing that term around, Cole. Good bump by Alexa though.

Love how Lacey doesn’t mind landing flat when her moonsault misses. Respect. Her and Charlotte both eat that so perfectly.

LOVE how the monitors of people turned into Fiend’s face. POINTS.

It’s like she’s reverted back to her heel persona. This is literally 2016 Bliss, right? Right??

Roman is a large, strong, intimidating guy... but holy shit the visual of 5′1 Alexa staring daggers into the back of his head is intense af. I almost complained that he cut off her exit, but well done with the continuity.

Highlight: I’m really digging the Alexa/Fiend story

---

Clash of Champions:

Loving the red roots, hate the eyeshadow.

See, if Asuka wants to fuck around in the ring, you won’t hear me complain. I just wish she took her non-wrestling segments more seriously.

The patience Asuka gave Zelina to set up the arm kick was dumb.

“A hard arm bar by Asuka,” he says, even though her legs were completely bent. Easy on the credit given plz.

Zelina telegraphs too much. None of the bumps she takes ever catch me by surprise.

In the spirit of being fair, put your fucking shoulders down and let her attempt a pinfall, Asuka.

Haha Sasha-lite did meteora in the corner.

Nice roll into a kick, half point for Zelina.

No you don’t get to sell frustration or disbelief yet, that’s not buyable.

I don’t know wtf Zelina was going for with that counter before the Asuka Lock, but honestly idc. Could’ve been a kickoff match indeed. State of Becky’s title btw.

Every week it’s the same shit with Asuka. She gets on the mic, speaks Japanese, barely accomplishes anything, then gets interrupted/slapped/attacked... with dancing and smiling inbetween. I really wish she was more like Io.

Nikki isn’t “medically cleared to compete”, and the tag team titles aren’t being defended. My memory is fuzzy but wasn’t there some covid concerns going around back then? Was that just baseless speculation?

Love that Bayley turned this into an opportunity to be a bigger douche than she already was lol.

IS SHE DOING A VICTORY LAP LMAO

I want to hate this from a smarky “give other women a chance” perspective, but Bayley is an ass and this is great for Asuka to build credit as a face, and after being made to look foolish yet again. Lesgo.

Lol sounded like Bayley said, “you think you can cuck me?” I’m sure she didn’t. I’m choosing to believe she did though.

I never know exactly who to blame when Asuka’s Codebreaker looks ugly, but I swear Charlotte is the only one it looks impactful with. Sell job isn’t the problem, but taking that actual move is always dicey af.

Great kick by Asuka. Rekt.

Bayley says nah fuck this rofl. Fair ending; a fun little sprint of meaningless jabs.

“Chairwoman of SD” I like that too, Graves. Points to you.

LMAOOO Bayley set that shit up perfectly kekekek what’s up Sasha.

She be looking fucking incredible, but that neckbrace is a mega bummer.

Character wise, I’m surprised Bayley’s choosing to dole out punishment rather than taking her title and bolting.

Welp maybe she should have, Sasha going to town lmao.

oof peep that red line going down Bayley’s arm. eesh. Welts all over her back.

Highlight: Sasha beating the shit out of Bayley with a kendo stick

---

*BONUS*

Main Event:

You don’t pan the camera over to fucking commentary during Bianca’s entrance. Do better @ production.

Ruby puts her confidence in Liv even though everybody knows Bianca is winning this match lmao.

LOVE Liv’s boots.

like 20 seconds into the match and it’s already 10x better than the Bianca vs Billie Kay one. Don’t even waste a spot on Main Event for Billie Kay. No, I’m not not sorry for saying that.

It’s not that I hold issue with Bianca’s showboating or mannerisms, but it’s all so much more fitting for a heel.

Beautiful stalling suplex, but Liv is rather small.

Beautiful distance on that dropkick to Liv. Liv gets points for throwing herself so far.

We have enough women who rip their shirts off deep into matches, me thinks. Don’t need it from Liv as well.

Momentum could’ve been split better, but that was a decent match.

---

*Clash of Champions would be my highlighted event mostly thanks to Bayley, but if that’s a cop out, I’ll give a slight nod to Smackdown’s handling of Alexa.

[dukedrakes]

Finally

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Lily)

Rating: PG-13 (some cursing)

Words: 2.3K

Summary: Lily and Ethan finally talk about ‘us’.

This was requested by a beautiful anon who wanted to see my take on what happens when Ethan and MC finally decide to screw ethics and let themselves be together – I’m so sorry it’s taken so long; life hasn’t been kind. Thank you so much for the request and please send me any prompts if you like!

P.S I really miss Ethan.

Don’t forget to tell me what you think, Reblog and Like! Enjoy!

Find my other work here.

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Lily sat in the locker room bench; legs crossed with a medical textbook in front of her. She had an apple in her hand which she ate she scanned through the passages filled with medical jargon that might help her with treating one her patients. It was unusually quiet in the locker room, no doors slammed or chatter from the other residents. But Lily welcomed the serenity, it gave her the opportunity to focus and concentrate on the words in front of her.

However, she couldn’t. For a certain fellow member of the Diagnostics Team was consuming her thoughts instead.

It had been exactly 4 months and 17 days since she’d been offered the position that everyone had been vying over. And it had also been exactly 4 months and 17 days since whatever was between herself and Dr. Ethan Ramsey had ended. In truth, she wasn’t expecting it to hurt as much as it did. Even though she’d known that night before was going to be their last now that Ethan had been reinstated. She thought she had prepared enough emotionally. That their night together would’ve satisfied her enough to let him go. But she was wrong. Incredibly wrong.

She hadn’t expected to be offered the position on the Diagnostics Team, she was grateful to be even given a second chance at Edenbrook. She definitely hadn’t anticipated being promoted. And certainly not to the very team where the man running it was one she’d slept with twice and had an undeniable connection with.

She knew ending whatever it was between them was the right thing to do. She knew that. But it was still hard. Especially when she saw Ethan every day, had to work with him on patients, confer with him on treatment plans – all the while pretending that everything was fine when in reality, she wanted nothing more than to take his hand in hers and just touch him.

That was the thing that got her the most. Not being able to just touch him. Hold his hand. Trace her fingers up his arm. Or run her fingers across the stubble on her jaw – her favourite thing to do. She could handle not kissing him – she wanted to do that too – but to be starved of his touch was the hardest. There were times where Ethan’s hand would graze hers as he pointed to something on a chart, or his arm would brush against hers as he passed her, and the energy of that contact travelled through her entire being, giving her goosebumps and making her stomach flip. It was kind of like that feeling you get when you accidentally touch the person you’ve been crushing on, but it was all backwards because Lily had already been with Ethan.

Lily sighed and closed her textbook and tossed her apple core in the bin. She put her head in her hands. She didn’t know what to do. She’d been pretending and walking on eggshells around Ethan for months now. She was tired. And she didn’t know how long she could keep this up. It was even more of a stab in the heart when she saw Ethan being so irrevocably and completely normal around her. Like nothing had changed. Like nothing had even happened between them. It was like Lily had imagined the whole thing and was holding onto nothing but a fantasy.

She stood up and put the textbook in her locker. With her break over and no progress on a plan for her patient, she straightened her classic white doctor jacket in the mirror, before leaving the locker room. She walked down the hallways, making her way to Ethan’s office, her feet knowing the familiar route without even thinking about it. She needed advice on her patient, and she was clearly getting nowhere by herself. She had no choice but to talk to Ethan. No matter how much she didn’t want to. It was much easier to pretend when she wasn’t near him.

It wasn’t long before she was in front of his office door. The dark blue nameplate that read “Dr. Ethan Ramsey” a contrast to the light wood of the door. He might not even be in his office. She hoped he wouldn’t be. But there was also a part of her that wanted to see him. Because this was all she got now. She had to take what she could get. Until she eventually got over him. If she ever did.

Lily took a deep breath and raised her slightly trembling hand to the wood of the door. She stood there for a few seconds that felt more like hours, contemplating whether to even bother Ethan with this, he’s no doubt busy and she was more than capable of figuring this out herself once she forced herself to concentrate. She didn’t want to rely on Ethan. She didn’t want to be that girl.

With a clenched hand and her fingernails digging into her palm, she mumbled. “Just knock, you dumbass.”

“Lily?”

Lily whipped her head to the side and saw him. Ethan. He was standing there with a clipboard in hand, looking as handsome as ever in his classic blue shirt and tie under his Edenbrook coat. Lily took in breath both from the sight of him and the realisation that he’d seen her in front of his door, just standing there with her hand poised to knock.

“Ethan. I mean. Dr. Ramsey. Hi.” Lily stuttered as she jumped back and quickly retracted her and held it behind her back.

Ethan cleared his throat. “Dr. Murphy.”

There was a beat of silence between them where both weren’t sure what to say to each other. This interaction felt different somehow. Every time they’d spoken there was this level of distance and professionalism that they maintain to ensure that neither of them got too close – that there was a boundary between them. But this time Ethan had caught Lily in this private moment with herself, it almost felt like an intrusion.

Lily took a breath. “Um, how long have you been standing there?”

Ethan shook his head. “Not long.”

He was lying. Lily could always tell.

“I need to talk to you about a patient.” She asked tentatively.

Ethan nodded and strode to his door to unlock it, he opened it and stood to the side to let Lily in first. Lily mumbled a ‘thanks’ as she walked into the office. Ethan followed as he went behind the desk, put his clipboard down and began to file the papers in the meticulously organised filing cabinet.

Lily stood at the edge of the scene in front of her. She watched him move effortlessly, the awkwardness in the air around them.

“Well? What is it?” Ethan asked. “I’ve got a meeting with Banerji in 10 minutes.”

Lily blinked at his bristled tone. “I need some help with figuring out the best course of action with a patient who’s got some contradicting issues.”

“Can’t you do that yourself? You’re more than capable, Li— Dr. Murphy.” Ethan huffed.

Lily frowned. “Excuse me for disturbing you. I just wanted to treat the patient correctly.”

Ethan sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“So, what did you mean?” Lily crossed her arms.

“I meant, you’re a good doctor, Lily.” Ethan replied.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t need help every now and then.” Lily retorted.

Ethan ran his hand through his tousled hair. “I haven’t got time for this right now.”

“Then make time!” Lily exclaimed with a spark of anger.

Lily and Ethan looked at each other, both surprised by her outburst. Ethan was often hard to read, but this time, his eyes betrayed him completely. “Why do you keep pushing me away?” Lily whispered.

Ethan closed his eyes and hung his head. “Don’t do this, Lily.”

“Just answer the question, Ethan.” Lily said sternly.

“You know exactly why.” Ethan replied sharply.

“No, I don’t think I do. Maybe you can explain it to me in a way that I understand.” Lily patronised.

“Stop acting like a child, we’re adults, Lily.” Ethan rolled his eyes.

“Says the man who can’t deal with and express his emotions.” Lily knew the words were harsh and unfair, but she was angry. Months of frustration and hurt that have been bottled up were finally coming out. “You’ve barely looked at me properly in months. It’s like everything that happened didn’t even matter to you.”

“You know damn well that’s not true.” Ethan flared.

“Do I?” Lily challenged. “So, answer my question, Ethan.”

“You think it’s just so easy, don’t you?” Ethan replied, acid on his tongue with every word as he stepped towards her. “Have you even considered the ethnical and workplace consequences of us? There are patients to consider, the team, HR, we can’t just say ‘fuck it’ and do what we want, Lily. There are bigger issues here than me and you.”

“I’m not some petulant child that doesn’t understand consequences, Ethan. But I know when to take a risk for something that’s important to me.” Lily replied.

They were almost chest to chest now, and Lily has to crane her neck to look at Ethan.

“I’m not a risk-taker. You know that.”

“So, I guess that translates into; ‘You’re not worth the risk.’ Got it.” Lily smiled with contempt. “Guess I have my answer.”

Lily stepped back and began to turn away from Ethan, but he reached for her arm and pulled her back. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

Lily raised her voice, exasperated and said; “Then what are you saying, Ethan!? Stop speaking in riddles and just fucking tell me! I’m so fucking tired of tiptoeing around you and us. I know you saw me standing outside your door for longer than you said, I can’t even talk to you anymore without getting this awful dread in the pit of my stomach that I hate because I shouldn’t feel like that around the person that I—”

“I’m scared, okay?!” Ethan exclaimed. Silence enveloped them, the only sound was Lily and Ethan’s breaths, heavy from the argument. Ethan cupped Lily’s cheeks as he said; “I want you more than anything, Lily. But I’m scared of what could happen if we…” He shook his head.

Lily blinked at him. Before she let out a breath of disbelief mixed with relief and dare-she-say, love? And put her hands over his, rubbing her thumbs over the back of his hand. Finally. “If we what, Ethan?”

Ethan took in a breath. “If we pursue this, what would happen when everyone finds out? I don’t want them thinking negative things, especially about you.”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t care about anyone else. And you shouldn’t either. You’re Ethan fucking Ramsey for god’s cake.” Lily smiled. “I care about you. Anyone that knows me knows the truth.”

“And what if…if this doesn’t work?” Ethan asked. “What would we do then? How would it affect our work?”

“But what if it does work?” Lily whispered.

Ethan shook his head, pulling away from Lily and turning his back, running a hand through his hair again. “I don’t know, Lily. I don’t know I can do this.”

Ethan stood with his hands on his hips and his head to the ceiling, his eyes closed. Lily walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her forehead resting on his back. She couldn’t deny that she felt him relax under her touch. And Ethan couldn’t either.

Lily moved to hold his right arm with both hands, before moving one to hold his hand. His fingers instinctively interlaced with hers. “What if we…what if we come up with a plan?” Lily looked up at him.

“What kind of plan?” Ethan asked, looking down at her by his side.

“A plan to try this. Try us. See where it goes. But we’ll keep it a secret, so, we can see if we like us. Then we’ll talk to Banerji about this if we really do. He’ll understand. You’re like a son to him. And then if it’s okay, we’ll tell some people – my friends, but still keep it quiet so it doesn’t impact the workplace.” Lily suggested, her thumb rubbing his hand again like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“And if it’s not okay? What if Banerji says no?” Ethan asked.

“Then we figure something out. I move from Edenbrook, maybe.” Lily replied with a small shrug.

“I can’t make you do that.” Ethan shook his head in disapproval.

Lily leaned her head on his arm. “But I would, for you. For us.”

“Us...” Ethan whispered.

“What do you think?” Lily asked with a small voice. “Can we do that? Do you want to?”

“It’s going to be hard.” Ethan said.

“I know.”

“But I want to. God knows I want to more than anything.” Ethan sighed like a weight was lifted off his shoulders and turned so he could take both of Lily’s hands. “I can’t bear another day without you.”

Lily didn’t know who moved in first. But their lips finally connected, and both of them collapsed into the kiss. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck as Ethan’s arms went around her middle, holding her there before lifting her to his height. Lily wrapped her legs around him and smiled into the kiss, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. The world stopped around them. They both starved for this kiss and it was finally happening, and it was as if all the pieces of the world’s hardest puzzle fell into place.

When they finally broke away, they rested their foreheads together. Smiling and looking into each other’s eyes. Ethan was still holding her effortlessly as Lily hugged him tightly, burying her head into the crook of his neck as his stubble tickled her skin. Ethan held her just as tightly as he did the same, his eyes shutting as he breathed in the smell of her skin and the familiar smell of her cocoa butter shampoo.

Lily pressed a light kiss to Ethan’s neck. “I missed you.”

Ethan smiled into her skin. “I missed you more.”

I hope you all enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought!

If you have any requests, please send them in! It might take me some time to get to (I have a list of fics I want to write) but I would love to see them!

Remember to Reblog and Like!

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Baby You Were My Picket Fence [Chapter 5: Paradise City]

You are a first grade teacher in sunny Los Angeles, California. Ben Hardy is the father of your most challenging student. Things quickly get complicated in this unconventional love story.  

Song inspiration: Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy.

Chapter warnings: Language, some sexual content (not smutty).

Link to chapter list (and all my writing) HERE

Taglist: @blushingwueen @queen-turtle-boiii @everybodyplaythegame @onceuponadetectivedemigod @luvborhap @sincereleygmg @stormtrprinstilettos @loveandbeloved29 @ohtheseboysilove @jennyggggrrr @vanitysfairr @bramblesforbreakfast @radiob-l-a-hblah @xox-talia-xox @killer-queen-xo @caborhapch @kimmietea @asquiresofftime @hardzzellos @sleepretreat @ramibaby @jonesyaddiction @ixchel-9275 @omgitsearly @lovepizza-cake11 @deacy-dearest @shishterfackisback @mrbenhardys @deaky-with-a-c If I forgot anyone, please yell at me :)

The blue chalk moves swiftly with shrill little squeaks over the board. You’re dressed in a floral red dress, leggings, sensible sable flats, and fuzzy woolly mammoth earrings. The kids love to see what sort of eccentric accessories you wear each day; there’s even a space on the board reserved for it. Today’s flair is: woolly mammoth earrings! (Please don’t touch unless you ask first!!)

“Okay my lovely children, let’s practice using each of this week’s spelling words in a sentence. Who can remind me what the first word on our spelling list is?”

“Oh! Oh!” Brendyn—who you mentally mix up with Brayden or Kayden at least twice a day—leans out of his chair and waves his arm hysterically. Dear god, please send a plague to wipe the unnecessary Y baby name trend off the face of the planet. “I can!”

“Go ahead, Brendyn.”

“Throw,” he announces proudly, as if he’s just won the Olympic medal for elementary-school writing.

“Awesome job! That’s right!” You transcribe it on the board: 1. Throw. “And who thinks they can come up with a sentence using the word throw?”

Eli, as he’s doodling all over his worksheet, says: “If you don’t like someone, you can throw them out of a window.”

You swallow noisily as you collect your thoughts. The other students are alternately giggling cautiously or gasping, scandalized. “Now, Eli...”

“Yes, Miss Teacher?” he prompts.

“It’s nice to raise our hands and wait to be called on when we have something to share.”

“Oops.” He raises his hand.

You sigh heavily. “Could you come up with a different sentence, please? One that is more school-appropriate? Remember we had a whole talk last week about school-appropriate topics. Right class?”

“Yes, Miss Y/L/N!” they agree in unison. That conversation hadn’t, perhaps shockingly, been inspired by Eli. A chatty, beach-blond, future surfer bro named Dexter had discovered his father, a prominent cinematographer, in a compromising position with the nanny—in the jacuzzi tub, no less—and felt the need to divulge that during Story Sharing Time. Worst parent phone call ever.

“Give it another try, Eli,” you say encouragingly.

“Taking spelling tests makes me want to throw up.”

You drop your face into your hands as the class howls in laughter. “Okay, very funny, but I still think we can come up with something more appropriate. Does anyone else have an idea?”

Maisy raises her hand timidly. Oh, hallelujah.

“Yes, Maisy!”

“Always remember to throw away your trash.”

“Wonderful!” You write the sentence on the board. “No littering. I like it. Save the sea turtles. Maisy, as a reward, you may give Creampuff one pumpkin seed.”

“Yay!” Maisy leaps out of her seat and sprints to Creampuff’s cage behind your desk. It’s your third year teaching with Creampuff, and the poor hamster is decisively in geriatric territory; she’s morbidly obese and her eyes are bluish with cataracts. But the children adore her, and Creampuff has always been wonderfully sweet and never bites. You just hope that when the time comes, she has the decency to kick the bucket over a long weekend so you can dispose of the body in secret and whip up a cheery story to tell the kids about how Creampuff went to live in an organic vegan farm or a hamster sanctuary or a retirement community in sunny Tampa Bay, Florida.

“Okay friends,” you announce. “Go ahead and practice coming up with sentences on your worksheet. Then we’ll chat in five or ten minutes and see what we’ve got. Ready, set, go!”

As students’ heads bow and pencils begin scratching against paper, you circle the room peeking over shoulders and making suggestions here and there. When you reach Eli’s desk, you crouch down so your gaze is level with his.

“Hey, Eli.”

“Hi,” he replies mistrustfully, his blue eyes narrow under dark curls.

“I just wanted to let you know that I thought your sentence ideas were very funny and very, very clever. But they just weren’t the best choices to use in class. Do you understand why?”

“Yeah,” he says, smirking a little. Of course you do, you’re the smartest kid in here.

“And I really appreciated you raising your hand to speak once you were reminded.”

“Thanks.” He’s actually bashful now, his high olive-skinned cheeks flushing.

“Are you still going to help me clap the erasers after class today?”

His eyes light up like wildfire. “Can I?”

The trap’s been sprung. Clapping erasers is like cocaine for first graders. “You betcha. If the rest of our spelling lesson goes smoothly.”

“Okay!” He immediately picks up his pencil and begins jotting down sentences. The handwriting is definitely a work in progress, but Eli’s spelling and grammar are immaculate. You can’t help but smile to yourself as you walk away; you’re feeling triumphant, of course, but there’s something else as well.

I’m proud of you, demon kid.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ben is standing on your doorstep, dressed in black, a potted calla lily in his hands. And at first he’s got that unnerving veneer, he’s serious and intimidating and smoldering; but then you find his eyes and his smile breaks open like cracked glass.

“Hi,” he says meekly.

“Hi.” You point to the calla lily. It’s a vivid green, like his eyes, like the serrated continents of the Earth from space. “Is that for me?”

“Yes, actually. It’s a gift, but it’s kind of a joke too.”

“How’s that?”

“It’s fake.” He grins. “So you can’t kill it.”

You laugh and take the pot, leaning back so the silk calla lily doesn’t tickle your nose, doesn’t rub against your makeup. “Come on in, Mr. Hardy.” Ben follows you, his hands in his jacket pockets, peering around watchfully. You find a temporary home for your new plant on the kitchen counter, right next to your latest purchase; you rest your hand, not-so-subtly, on the brand new, mint green, vintage record player. “Check this bad boy out.”

“Wow!” Ben leans down to examine it, running his fingertips over the turntable. Then his eyes flick to the box of vinyl records. “And you’ve already got listening material!”

“Lots of Queen, you’d totally approve.”

“Zeppelin?”

“Naturally.”

He flips through the records quickly: The Eagles, The Stones, Guns N’ Roses, The Beatles, The Cars, Aerosmith, Cheap Trick, Fleetwood Mac, U2, Hendrix, Elton, Nirvana. “Love it. I’m pumped. How much did all of this cost you?”

You crinkle your nose in lighthearted defiance. “It’s rude to talk about money, Mr. Hardy. Not a lot. Amazon is an amazing thing. And I’ve been collecting records for years. Yard sales, thrift shops, wherever. Some of them were my parents’ before I commandeered them.”

“I’ll ask again.” He takes out his wallet and starts counting bills, the paper shuffling in his hands. “How much for the record player? Estimate the rest.”

“Ben,” you protest, dismayed.

“Y/N,” he teases.

“You can’t buy everything for me,” you say gently.

“I’m not buying. I’m renting. I get to choose what to play whenever I’m here.” He unfolds $300 and lays it on top of the record player. “Will that cover it?”

You gape at the money. Yes, that’s about right. “Ben...I’d let you request music for free.”

“I don’t want requests. I want everything.” And then he grins, and it almost rips the floor out from under you. Oh god, I love this man.

You’ve never said those words aloud. You’ve never talked about his refrigerator magnet confession. But it’s somewhere in the space between you like a circling ghost, like a promise, like shared blood singeing under flesh.

“But,” Ben says, bringing you back into focus. “For now we should probably get going.”

“Right.” You grab your purse and jacket as Ben calls an Uber. “Where are we meeting them, anyway?”

He winks at you, his face illuminated by the glow of his cellphone screen. “Not the fucking Olive Garden.”

The Uber is a BMW with leather seats and a minibar installed in the backseat. As it cruises through downtown L.A., Ben tells you about how Joe has an apartment in the city, how Rami splits his time between his loft here and another in New York, how devout Londoner Gwilym is in town for work. You down a tiny Absolut Vodka to ease your nerves. “And when do I get to see your place, Mr. Hardy?”

He chuckles noncommittally. “We’re here,” he declares, glancing up through the BMW’s tinted windows. Outside is an upscale nightclub called The Edison. Then he turns to you. “Two things,” he says, holding up his index and middle fingers. There’s a gold ring on each. “First, don’t forget about the low profile.”

“That shouldn’t be difficult since we’re...” Air quotes. “Not dating.”

“Good. And secondly, don’t be anxious. They’re going to love you. You’re...”

“Charming?” you suggest, batting your eyelashes. “Blessed with impeccable music taste? Awesome at taming demons?”

He smiles. “I was going to say perfect.”

~~~~~~~~~~

You’re three shots deep and belting out Sweet Caroline with the electric-fence kid from Jurassic Park. There’s a sentence you never thought would cross your mind.

Joe’s trim left arm is draped over your shoulders, his head leaning into yours, a lager swooping precariously in his right hand as he gestures with it like a microphone. Ben is looking on, grinning as he sips his Sazerac, his eyes flickering in the dim, rusty light. When you first arrived, Ben introduced you as a friend; Joe had quickly shimmied over and started dropping lines.

“Joe,” Ben flared, like it was a warning. “I’m not trying to set you two up. That’s not what this is.”

“Whoops, my bad,” Joe had replied, and dialed down the saccharine charm. Yet you like Joe, you like him a lot, and within thirty minutes you’ve already exchanged numbers and compared astrological signs and agreed that he’s going to teach you how to play baseball next week.

“She’s got a thing for Jeff Goldblum, you know,” Ben says now.  

“Stop!” you cry, blushing furiously.

“Do you?!” Joe asks and gulps half his lager. “I can make that happen. I can introduce you.”

“He’s a lot older than he was in his Jurassic Park days,” you sigh, lamenting.

“But also wayyyyy richer!” Joe pitches, waggling his eyebrows.

“She’s a schoolteacher,” Ben notes. “She could use a sugar daddy.”

“Girl, I am going to hook you up!”

Rami and Lucy return to the circular booth from the dancefloor, their fingers interlaced. Lucy is incredibly delicate, even tinier and more youthful than she appears onscreen, and always smiling; Rami speaks slowly and thoughtfully and with a captivating meticulousness, and when he fixes his pale eyes on yours you feel like you’re the only person in the room, in the city, in the world, as if whatever you have to say is the most profound thing he’s ever heard. Rami shouts something to Ben over the blaring music as Ben takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lights one.

“Oh my god!” you exclaim, and Joe jumps beside you, startled. “You smoke?”

Ben takes a draw, exhales smoke through full pink lips, and smirks guiltily.

“What year is this?!”

“2019,” Joe offers.  

“Who the fuck smokes in 2019?!” you hurl at Ben. “Do you like breathing? Do you enjoy your internal organs? Do you want to live to spend all your BoRhap money?”

“You tell him!” Joe whoops, clapping. “Yeah baby! Tell him, Y/N!”

You ask incredulously: “They let people smoke in here?!”

“They do in the VIP section,” Joe chimes.

“He’s quite the delinquent, isn’t he?” Gwil says, appearing from the dancefloor and resting his hands on Ben’s shoulders. Gwilym is gentlemanly and eruditions, classically handsome, one of those people whose sincerity reads all over their face. His voice is different than Ben’s, lighter, sharper, less husky; he’s tall and slim and polished. In a phrase, he’s outlandishly lovely.

“I didn’t come here for an intervention, mate,” Ben responds, but his tone is pleasant and at-ease.

“Sorry for loving you, Ben!” Joe yells. “Sorry for caring about your longevity!”

“Sorry for wanting to grow old with you and retire together!” Gwil wails theatrically.

“Oh wow wow wow,” Rami says, shaking his head and smiling. Lucy is clutching a Malibu Sunset and trying to drag him back to the dancefloor, her polka dot dress swirling dreamily around her ankles.

“Wait,” Joe begins, “this is awkward, I definitely already purchased adjacent burial plots for me and Ben and the cemetery has a strict no-Welshmen policy, so...”

Laughing, you turn to Ben, and all at once the two of you are alone in this deafening and pulsing space. He takes another draw, the lit end of his cigarette glowing like embers, his eyes—green like envy, like a snake’s skin, like insatiable greed—all over you: your lips, your neck, your chest, lower. Something deep and shapeless ripples through you, déjà vu or recognition or desire or all of that and more; you want to reach out and touch his flushed flawless skin with your fingertips, you want to make sure he’s real. Gwil and Rami and Lucy are engrossed in some conversation about the best neighborhoods for apartment hunting in London, but Joe’s squinting suspiciously at you and Ben through the veil of smoke. You can’t fool him.

“Right,” Ben says suddenly, crushing the rest of his cigarette in an ashtray. “I’ve got to run. Y/N, do you want a lift home?”

This is just for show, just for the low-profile arrangement; of course you want to leave with him. You’ll follow him anywhere. “That’d be greatly appreciated.” As you climb out of the booth, Ben slips his phone from his pocket to call an Uber.

Joe waves, still thoughtful. “See you soon, Sweet Caroline!”

“Oh god, let’s never talk about that again.”

Rami gives you a sophisticated peck on each cheek, Lucy a spirited hug and a delighted little squeal; her oversized dangling earrings drag along your cheek as you pull away. Gwil takes your hands firmly in his own. “It was wonderful to meet you, love,” he says. “Come along anytime.”

“You’ve all been so kind!” you gush tipsily, and that’s the truth; they’ve been almost preposterously welcoming.

“Yeah yeah, you’ve stolen the show,” Ben says affectionately, maybe even proudly, guiding you towards the front of the club with his palm pressed lightly against the small of your back. “Cheers! We’ll do this again soon,” he calls back to the others. Joe and Gwil dramatically blow kisses after him as you push through the crowds and out into the windswept, luminescent Los Angeles night.

“What’s the hurry—?”

“Can I take you home now?” His voice is rushed and breathless; he’s doing that nervous thing he does where he glances around distractedly and bites his lips and shifts his weight from one foot to the other and runs his thumb over his chin.

“Of course,” you answer, your words hushed like clouds muting the moonshine.

A red Porsche rolls up along the sidewalk and Ben opens the door for you.

“I need you to do something for me,” you say when you’re both in the car and zooming through traffic towards the suburbs.

“Anything.”

Your gaze is devouring his high cheekbones—Eli’s, just like Eli’s—as the streetlights pass overhead, his messy hair and barely-there smile and all that lives under his fierce exterior, kindness and strength and wit and love. Love. “I need you to quit smoking.”

He laughs at you; that’s not what he expected. “Seriously?”

“I don’t want you to die young. I don’t want to lose you.” You can’t stand that thought. You’ve known him for three weeks and you’re hooked like a fucking swordfish; he’s in your bones, your blood, your lungs, he’s dragging you up from the depths and into blinding, open air.

This is too soon. This is way too soon. You don’t know this guy at all.

And yet somehow you do, somehow it feels like you always have.

Ben reaches over and weaves his fingers through yours. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He follows you inside when the Uber pulls into your driveway; he’s not speaking, he doesn’t remove his jacket or his shoes. He begins flipping through your box of records as you lean against the kitchen counter, your arms crossed.

“This is a test,” you say with a smile.

Ben makes a selection at last, drops the record onto the turntable, and places the needle. The music begins, filling your tiny one-bedroom house, reverberating off the walls that you’ve painted mint green and lilac and teal and pastel rosy pink. He still isn’t looking at me.

“Interesting choice.” The song is Save Tonight by a Swedish artist called Eagle-Eye Cherry; it’s acoustic and simple and soulful. “That’s not very classic rock of you.”

“Go on and close the curtains

'Cause all we need is candlelight

You and me, and a bottle of wine

To hold you tonight.”

“The Nineties weren’t all bad.” Ben shrugs off his jacket and tosses it on the kitchen table, kicks aside his shoes, lays his phone face-down on the counter as if he’s just decided to stay. Then he comes to you.

“Well we know I'm going away

And how I wish, I wish it weren't so

So take this wine and drink with me

And let's delay our misery.”

There’s no questioning whether you’re going to let him touch you; there’s no question at all. The thought of not being with him is agonizing, cavernous, unbearable. You’ve never wanted someone like this. You’ve never wanted anything like this.

Ben cups your face in his hands and kisses you like he’s coming up for air, like you’re a high he’ll never get enough of. He tastes like cognac and whiskey and cigarettes and lust. Your back hits the refrigerator, and your magnets pop off and clatter against the tile floor; your fingers are knotting through his hair as his trace a path beneath your blouse. He asks if you’re okay—not with his voice but with his searching eyes—and you nod a desperate yes, yes, yes. Outside the stars are raging through the blackness, those same stars that lit up the sky above the dinosaurs just a few blinks of their immortal lifespans ago.

“Save tonight and fight the break of dawn,

Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone...”

“Oh shit...” Ben’s patting his pockets, flipping through his wallet. His eyes are wide and frantic. “I don’t have a condom.”

“I’m on the pill,” you tell him. “Wait, I’m sorry, you’re an actor, you probably get psychos trying to have your babies all the time, I totally understand if you don’t trust me—”

“I trust you,” he breathes, as if he’s just realizing it.

“I trust you too, Ben.”

“Don’t say it,” he whispers, almost pleads. “You don’t know me.”

“I do,” you insist, unbuttoning his shirt, lifting all that separates you away, peeling back secrets like layers of the earth.

[ladyloggy]

Whilst it Lasts (f! Kayden x Rosario! Mc)

My bi heart is gay for fem! Kayden (Elenora) and so is my mc Desdemona Rosario. Enjoy some soft gals in love featuring Lord Nevrakis, Cyrus and m!Hunter (Cassio).

Contains threats of sexual violence, degrading words against women, period typical (but not ok) racism, sexism and classism.

Enjoy the gay! (Also long post!)

...

Elenora knew as soon as Desdemona entered the carriage with Cassio that the woman who had only been made a lady would be entered into an arranged marriage in exchange for something. Although she was decently respected by the nobility as Cassio's personal guard, her half brother and many of the nobles treated her with cruelty and disregard when the now king regent wasn't around, still she would rather be a bastard than a lady. She pitied Desdemona, who only days before had been nothing but a scribe and was now being thrust into the whirlwind that was noble Cordonian court. She had heard what her half brother had called the new lady of House Rosario and it enraged her. Elenora wasn't sure if he wanted to bed Desdemona or belittle her, but she knew Cyrus would find a way to do both. He often praised her beauty, which Elenora agreed with him on for once, and loudly fantasised about how the woman would be a sexual conquest (which Elenora had also considered, not that she would confess this to Cyrus) but would soon also call her a slattern and a common whore not a few moments later.

Currently, Elenora was listening to Cyrus discuss the very woman with Theodosia Nervarkis' father, a bloodthirsty tyrant with a similar regard for women as his companion. She was only here for Cassio, who had swept away a maiden leaving Elenora alone with her present company doing what she did best, blend into the shadows and listen. The current conversation was something she needed to listen to, to warn Desdemona but it also repulsed her.

"But I bet she would be a tight little virgin, she's been a scribe and a peasant at that all her life. Who would have wanted to fuck her?" Cyrus pondered to his friend.

Lord Nevrakis scoffed, sipping his ale from the silver goblet clutched in his hand. "She should have never been allowed to read a book, never mind know how to write one! First you give these women the ability to read and write, next thing they will want rights and be able to choose who they marry. With a face like hers, all that bitch needs to know how to do is open her mouth and spread her legs."

Elenora's fists clenched in anger. How dare they speak about Lady Desdemona in that way! Sure, she had imagined how the soft skin of the woman's thighs felt under her hands and how her mouth would feel in a kiss but it gave the men no right to think about Desdemona in the way that they did.

Cyrus laughed, using his own goblet of wine to gesture to his half sister, "Father allowed his bastard to read and write, and now she plays with swords all day." He turned towards Elenora who simply pretended not to hear his previous words. "What to you think about her?"

"I think Lady Rosario is a respectable and capable woman, I look forward to her companionship." It took all of the bodyguard's energy to be polite to her half brother.

"Nonsense, we all know of your ways - you want to use the slut just like the rest of us." Cyrus jeered.

"I'd treat her better than you would, that's for sure." The words had left her mouth before she could register what she had said, and Elenora swore to herself when Lord Nevrakis laughed sinisterly.

"A perverse bastard of your complexion and a slut of her status parading as a noble, sounds like a good match." He said, taking a drink before continuing. "Too bad I'll get my hands on her before you ever will, and I'll use her until she's too broken for you to want."

"Don't speak about her like that!" Elenora sprang forward, teeth bared and hand itching for her sword.

Cyrus grabbed her before she could reach the older man, his left hand clutching her arm tight enough to bruise. She spat at him, snarling as he brought his right fist down on his sister's face so hard her head whipped to the side and she crashed to the floor, tumbling into the dining table. Her training had prepared her for this, she rose back to her feet ready for a fight as her hair fell from its braid when a disheveled Cassio re-entered the room, concerned at the loud noise.

"Take your beast, Fierro. She's gone rabid with lust." Cyrus snapped and Cassio looked at his friend in confusion.

Elenora was bleeding from her lip and nose and looked both angry and embarrassed as if she wanted to fight and flee from the room simultaneously.

"Come Elenora. I apologise Lord Vescovi, Lord Nevrakis, and I bid you both a good evening."

The pair left quickly, and Elenora filled the king regent in on the men's discussion during the carriage ride that followed. The night was cool, but Eleanora burned hot with the searing anger in her veins - that had always been her weakness, she was apparently too loyal to the ones she cared about. The rest of the journey was in silence, and when the carriage finally rolled to a stop, Elenora noticed it wasn't Cassio's home they had stopped outside.

"Desdemona's estate? Really?" She snapped, turning to face her friend.

"It would be another hour before we got home, and you need medical attention." Cassio's answer was reasonable but his skill grin revealed his actions weren't out of concern. "Come, the lady of the house will be pleased to see you."

"She'll be worried sick when she sees my face, and I'll have to explain I was defending her honour." Elenora protested and Cassio shrugged.

"You distracted me from one maiden's bed so let's get you into another."

And apparently, as he was the king regent, Elenora couldn't argue. So she trailed behind her friend now feeling the dull ache of her wounds and secretly glad that Desdemona would be helping her. When they knocked on the door, the young servant nearly fainted in shock at the current monarch's visit, crying for another to fetch the lady of the house before ushering them inside and taking them to the parlor, offering food and drink.

"Please fetch myself some water and the King Regent and Miss Vescovi a glass each of the finest mead. That will be all Lawrence, thank you." Came the sudden interruption and the young boy bowed several times before leaving.

Elenora looked to the owner of the sweet voice, Lady Rosario, who was dressed in nothing but her nightgown and a rather scanty one at that. Cassio averted his eyes before clearing his throat as Desdemona sat next to Elenora, her face wrought with worry.

"Who did this to you?" She asked, taking Elenora's hand in her own, and when unsatisfied at the lack of answer continued, "I will have the might of House Rosario brought upon them."

"Cyrus." Elenora spat, and Desdemona's eyes darkened.

"Bastard!" She cried, rushing to her feet.

"Lady Rosario, please sit, I shall deal with him!" Cassio called to her, but Desdemona was out the door before either of her guests could stop her.

She returned not a moment later with a towel, some ice and a cloth followed by her servant who served the drinks before exiting. Desdemona had tied her hair back but had done nothing to stop her gauzy nightgown from showing the swell of her breasts and most of her thighs. She sat back down with the supplies next to the injured woman, whose breath hitched at the closeness of the two.

"I think I shall take my drink in the other room. Elenora's arm and shoulder are injured and she may have to remove her shirt for you to treat the wound properly, I don't want to overstep." Cassio excused himself and Elenora laughed bitterly.

"I was defending you from Cyrus and Nevrakis. They both aim to have your hand and maidenhead, I was only there because Cassio is enticed by one of Nevrakis' serving girls. I attacked them because of what they said about you, and my brother hit me and hurt my arm." She explained and Desdemona looked even angrier.

"I will die before either of them have me and they will die if they ever lay a hand on you again." She said, but Elenora couldn't find the woman intimidating dressed the way she was.

The gauzy white nightgown clung to her figure and now they were alone and Desdemona was to undress Elenora, the clothing felt intimate and purposeful. She was suddenly aware of Desdemona who unbuttoned her leather top slowly, before pulling it off to inspect the wound, leaving Elenora in her under clothing. With a gasp, the lady gently stroked the bruise before trailing her fingers upto Elenora's bloodied cheek and chin. Elenora was entranced at the soft skin of Desdemona's fingers cupping her cheek and the pain in her eyes which made her lean forward to the bodyguard, resting her head on Elenora's other shoulder.

"He hurt you." She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. "Don't stand up for me again if this is what they do to us, I'll let them have me if it means keeping you safe."

"Desdemona..." Eleanora looked down at the woman softly weeping into her chest. "I- I care for you. A lot. I would let them hurt me if I means keeping you safe."

Desdemona looked up at the beautiful woman, moving herself so she had one leg either side of Elenora's lap, and sat down. Her nightgown had bunched around her hips, but she didn't care, she wrapped her hands around Elenora's neck, pressing her own forehead into Elenora's. Elenora's hands were on her bottom in an instant, and Desdemona let out a soft cry before pressing her lips into the body guard's. Desdemona kissed her softly at first, again and again she pressed chaste kisses onto the other woman's lips, trembling slightly with longing and bitterness. She knew they could not have this, that they could never be together. But right now she didn't care.

"I love you." She whispered, and something inside Elenora's snapped.

She kissed Desdemona with a hunger she didn't know was inside her. Gone were the soft kisses, something almost primal had taken over, Elenora's hands slipped under the night dress as she kissed and kissed Desdemona's soft lips repeatedly. She raised her hand to skim the lady's inner thigh before crying out in pain. Beneath her, Desdemona went rigid. Panting, she searched Elenora's body frantically for the source of the pain.

"I moved my arm too quickly..." Elenora said through gritted teeth.

Desdemona reached for the ice, only to find it now melted. With a sigh, she stood and instead used a cloth to wipe away the dried blood from her lover's face gently, before patting it dry.

"I cannot help with your nose, you need a real healer to see to it before it causes permanent damage. I can go fetch some more ice to help with your arm?" Desdemona questioned.

Elenora nodded. "Hurry back," She said, "I'll get into fights more often if this is my treatment."

An amused smile grew on Desdemona's face. "You won't be getting any treatment if you're starting the fight for no reason."

"Of course, Lady Rosario. I wouldn't expect you to labour over me for nothing." Elenora teased, and for the first time in a long time, she felt truly happy. She watched as Desdemona slipped away, and sighed to herself.

This. Whether it be love or lust, whatever it was. She knew it wouldn't end in happiness.

But she would enjoy it whilst is lasted.

[brittle-bone-gabe]

Hella trigger warning: Self Harm 

My OC goes through a graphic self harm phase while Richie is coming home from work - I wrote it when I was feeling down so *dabs*

It was a long day for Richie as he’s been out all day at his stand up comic routine, more than anything, he just wanted to get home and curl up with Kayden on the couch. He was even going to pick up take out from their favorite restaurant to make up for the fact that he’s been gone all day. He knew that Kayden didn’t particularly like when he was gone all day, but Richie would make it up to him by giving him all the attention he could once he stepped through that door. God, all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Kayden, bring him in close and tease him for his height compared to his. It was a normal routine in the household. 

Richie pulled into the driveway of their house, the Chinese takeout food sitting in the passenger’s seat. He was getting eager to get inside to see Kayden’s smiling face waiting for him. It was always the same picture: Richie would walk through the front door, see Kayden laying on the couch under a blanket watching reruns of Bob’s Burgers, but as soon as he walks in Kayden would give him a big smile before scrambling to give him a hug. It was a scene Richie would never get sick of seeing.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Richie parked the car before grabbing the food and heading off inside. He fumbled around with the keys before managing to actually being able to put them in the lock, allowing himself into the house. 

When Richie entered the house he was honestly shocked. The lights were all off, the TV wasn’t on, and as far as he could tell Kayden wasn’t on the couch. Richie narrowed his eyes, glancing around the best he could to see if he could spot anything in the darkness. 

“Zayden?” He called out in the silent house, flipping on the light switch that was next to the front door. He stood there for a moment, waiting to see if he would jump out to scare him like he did sometimes. “Don’t scare me, asshole. I have food,” he called out again before making his way into the kitchen to set the food down on the counter. 

The house was eerily silent almost like Zayden wasn’t home, but he had to be since his car was in the driveway. Richie leaned on the counter, straining his ears to hear anything. If Zayden was napping he would’ve been on the couch waiting for him to get home. He didn’t hear anything from the bathroom. Yeah, this was getting suspicious.

Richie walked down the hallway, flipping on the lightswitch as he went. He opened up the hallway closet to make sure that Zayden wasn’t hiding in there. Nothing. Next he went into their bedroom to find that it was empty. Even their closet was empty. That means he could only be in the bathroom.

First, Richie tried opening the bathroom door but it was locked. Which made him even more suspicious. They never locked doors in their house. 

Richie banged his fist on the door. He opened his mouth to call for Zayden, but he heard a small metal cling from the other side. The sound instantly made Richie’s heart race, he couldn’t help but go right to the negative. He was aware of Zayden’s old habits and didn’t want him slipping back into them. 

“Zay?” Richie called through the door, pressing his ear against the door, jingling the door knob but it was still locked, “you okay?”

There was silence on the other side. Not even movement. 

“Zayden.”

“I’m fine,” he choked out from inside the bathroom. 

It was obvious that something was wrong, it was clear from Zayden’s tone of voice. 

“Are you sick?”

No answer. 

“Zayden, open the door.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

“No, open the door now.” 

Again, no answer. 

“Zayden, I’m serious. Open the door.” All Richie could hear was heavy breathing from the other side now and that made him panic. 

He couldn’t help himself, Richie left the hallway, going into the garage to grab the hammer to break the door knob. Even if it truly was nothing Zayden knew that Richie had anxiety and wouldn’t do this for no reason. Especially if he knew that Richie was getting anxious, which, Zayden knew right away. Emotions were clouding all of Richie’s better judgement as he walked back into the house. Now he could hear the bathtub running, but the door was still locked. 

Richie used the handle of the hammer to break the door knob. Smashing into it until it fell from both sides, allowing Richie to get into the bathroom. The first thing Richie noticed as he started opening up the door was the blood all over the sink and some droplets on the floor. The ball of anxiety in Richie’s chest burst, he went into the bathroom and what he saw made his heart drop. Zayden was sitting in the bathtub fully clothed, a razor blade in his hand holding it over his artery trying to gain the courage to slice. 

“Zayden no!” Richie screamed, rushing over to the tub, pulling the small man out of the tub with him kicking and resisting him. 

Richie couldn’t help it when Zayden accidentally slipped from his grasp, calling to the floor, still holding onto the blade. 

“No!” Richie yelled, tears welling up in his eyes as Zayden tried to scramble out of the bathroom. Richie had to grab Zayden’s legs so he couldn’t escape. “Zayden, stop!”

“Let me go!” He yelled, trying to kick his way from Richie’s grasp. 

Richie saw the blood being smeared across the tile floor coming from Zayden’s wrist. It was breaking his heart to see the person who he could be completely opened with hurting like this. Richie was taking deep breaths, trying to compose himself so he could save him. He knelt down on the floor, still holding onto Zayden’s legs. 

“C’mere… c’mere,” Richie reached up, locking his arms underneath Zayden’s arms, pulling him up to lean against Richie who leaned up against the tub. 

Richie locked his legs around Zayden’s so he couldn’t slip out of his grasp again, making sure his arms were locked down underneath his so he couldn’t squirm out. Zayden was struggling to break free the best he could but Richie was a bit stronger than he was. Richie was breathing heavily trying to calm himself, his eyes closed trying to gather his thoughts. It felt like the room was spinning and that he was about to pass out, but he couldn’t let that happen. He had to make sure that Zayden would be okay first. 

“Fuck…” Richie breathed, running a hair through Zayden’s wet hair, still making sure his arms were locked down, “You’re okay, you’re going to be okay.” He tried looking down at Zayden’s wrists to see how bad they were, but the position they were in he couldn’t see anything but blood smears. “Let me see,” he tried grabbing Zayden’s right arm to twist around to see, but he sucked in air through his teeth in pain as he did so. “Goddamn…” 

There had to be four deep slashes on Zayden’s wrist, causing Richie to wince. Blood was trickling down his wrist. Before he could even attempt to look at the other wrist, Zayden’s body jerked suddenly, he sliced his left forearm as deep as he could before Richie even had time to react. 

“Stop!” Richie shouted, grabbing the hand that was holding the sharp blade, squeezing it as tight as he could until Zayden was forced to drop it. Which he resisted for a while, but Richie squeezed even tighter, causing Zayden to let out a small yelp before the cling of the blade echos through the room. Richie used his foot to kick it across the room so Zayden couldn’t lunge for it. 

There was blood pouring from the fresh wound, causing Richie to panic again. He sat up, removing the short sleeve button up shirt that he was wearing, making sure that there was no way that Zayden could break free. He wrapped his shirt around the wound, tightening it as tight as possible to get the bleeding to stop. 

“Okay…” Richie sighed, leaning back against the tub, taking off his glasses so he could rub his burning eyes, trying to get the tears to stay in place and not fall. “You’re going to be okay.” He kept repeating himself both for Zayden and to keep himself sane. 

Richie’s eyes were closed, his chin resting on top of Zayden’s head trying to stop the world from spinning around him. He felt sick, he wanted to puke but he needed to be strong for both of them right now. Especially since Zayden was there for him every second of every day when he was grieving for Eddie, now it was Richie’s turn to be there for him in his time of need. Richie jumped, his eyes opening wide when he felt Zayden’s left hand reach up to hold his hand, using his thumb to stroke circles across his skin. It was a small gesture but it certainly did help Richie and his anxiety attack. 

“Why did you do this to yourself?” Richie said, still holding back his tears as they were ready to fall at any moment, “I don’t like when you do this to yourself, you know that, right?” Zayden only nodded, leaning his head back to rest on Richie’s chest. “I… I know I’m gone sometimes but you know I care about you.”

“It’s not you,” Zayden finally spoke, giving Richie’s hand a small squeeze.

“It’s… not?” Richie lifted his head, sniffling as he was trying to hold his emotions back. 

“No.”

“Well what happened?”

Zayden let out a sigh, leaning his head back to look up at Richie. Richie had a small, sad smile on his face as he reached down to trace his thumb over the scar over Zayden’s left eye. He remembered exactly when he had to patch up his eye when Henry Bowers sliced him. He just couldn’t believe how he missed how awkward Zayden was during that time, looking back on how it was obvious how much he had a crush on him. It was sweet and Richie found himself going back to that memory multiple times whenever he was feeling down. 

“Zayden…” 

“I had a bad dream.”

Richie sat up, bringing Zayden with him. “C’mon,” Richie said as he stood up, bringing the smaller man with him. He held him by the shoulders, guiding him to sit on the toilet so he could patch him up yet again. He knelt down in front of him, grabbing Zayden’s hands, flipping them so the palms were up so he could see what the damage actually was. Richie put a hand on Zayden’s cheek. “I’m going to fix you up, okay?” Zayden nodded.

“I don’t deserve you, Richie,” Zayden said, looking down  at his bloody palms.

“C’mon, don’t say that,” he said as he pulled out the first aid kit from underneath the sink, “I need you Zay. You helped me through so much. I’m here to do the same thing for you,” he said as he wet a washcloth to clean up the blood on him, pouring some peroxide over it. “This is going to sting, hon.” 

“Wait, wha-” Before Zayden could finish his sentence Richie started wiping the washcloth across his arms. He yelped, trying to pull his arms away from him but Richie wouldn’t let him. 

“I warned you this time,” Richie said with a huge smile on his face.

Zayden snorted. “Shut up, Dick.”

“Oh, that’s funny,” Richie said sarcastically, a smile still on his face. “What was the dream about?”

“It’s… stupid.”

“No it’s not,” he reassured as he took out some alcohol pads to wipe down the areas again, “I don’t think anything you say is stupid. Well. Unless it’s stupid.” There was a small smile on Zayden’s face, he looked away since he could feel Richie’s eyes on him. “C’mon, smile.” He reached up, booping Zayden’s nose. “Smiiillee. Do you want me to tell you a joke?”

“God, no. Your jokes suck.”

“Knock knock.”

“Richie…”

“Knock knock.”

Zayden let out a sigh, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Who’s there?”

“A little old lady.”

“A little old lady who?”

“All this time I had no idea you could yodel.”

A huge smile crossed Zayden’s face as he let out a laugh. “Oh, my god I should kick your ass.”

“That’s fine. The point is I got you to smile so my job is done. C’mon, tell me what the dream was about.” 

“Well…” he watched as Richie started pulling gauze pads over the cuts and taking out a bandage roll. “Remember when we went back home and… you found me downstairs of the town house?”

“When you were having a breakdown?” He asked as he was focusing on rolling the bandages over Zayden’s arms. 

“Yeah. It was some… fucked up hallucinations. It just… came back to me while I was waiting for you to get home.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“This was before I knew you were gay, so keep that in mind, but… basically I walked into the town house and everyone was sitting around talking having a good time until I walked in. Then it was like… the mood changed, everyone looked at me and they had these… fucked up black eyes. Nobody said anything, they just got up and left, expect you stayed behind- OW!” Zayden whined when Richie removed the makeshift bandage on his deep wound, putting peroxide and alcohol on it.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. Go on.”

“You stayed behind, your eyes were black. You were calling me a fuckin’ faggot, saying that I didn’t belong anywhere then you punched me in the face. Then that fuckin’ clown was huge and using you like a puppet and I thought I was going to die.”

Richie set what he was holding down on the floor next to him, staring off into space taking in everything Zayden just told him. He remembered that day clearly. He was the only one in the town house trying to get his shit together when he heard screaming coming from downstairs. He remembered Zayden crying and screaming. He remembered that stupid black shirt with the white strips on. He remembered Zayden holding a bloody pocket knife that he had used to slice his wrists. He remembered wrestling the knife away from him before having to physically shake him to snap him out of it. Oh yes, he remembered that well. Although, Richie had no idea what the hallucination was about, just that when Zayden was snapped out of it he ran to his room and locked everyone out. 

Richie covered his face with his left hand as he finally let the tears that he had been holding back during this entire ordeal fall. He started sobbing uncontrollably. All this time Zayden had been helping him get through his trauma and grief but at the same time Richie had been pushing Zayden’s trauma aside like it didn’t even exist and for that he felt awful. Zayden was the first person who he came out to, to pour his emotions out to about Eddie and his closeted homosexuality and in the end he did find his soul mate, but he needed to do better. Who knows how long Zayden’s been struggling with these dreams or how long he’d had these self destructive thoughts. 

Zayden pulled Richie in for a hug, letting him cry it out on his stomach as he started rubbing his back telling him it would be okay. 

“I’m so sorry, Zay,” Richie sobbed into him, his voice barely being muffled by the wet shirt. 

“Rich-”

“I never thought of the effects this had on you, I’m…” He trailed off, leaning back, wiping the tears from his eyes, “I’m really sorry, Zay. You know you can come to me for anything, right?”

“Of course I know that.”

“Good… Good. Stay here. Don’t move.” When Richie stood up he planted a kiss on the top of Zayden’s head before picking up the blade and leaving the bathroom to go into their room to get him a new pair of clothes. He made sure to pick of his own hoodies since he knew that Zayden loved wearing oversized hoodies, especially if they were his. After grabbing that and a pair of sweatpants he went back into the bathroom to Zayden sitting in the same spot that he left him in. “Here,” he held out the clothes to Zayden, who looked at them then up to Richie, “I brought home food. Why don’t we watch a stupid movie and eat?”

Zayden nodded, a small smile on face, silent tears going down his face. 

Richie wiped his tears away with his thumb. “Hey, it’s okay. Lets turn this night around, huh?”

“That sounds great,” Zayden said as he threw the oversized hoodie on.

Richie grabbed the towel on the towel rack, dropping it over Zayden’s head before playfully rubbing it all over his head and face to dry off his hair. He laughed, wrapping his arms around Richie’s torso to bring him in closer, leaning his head against his stomach. He ruffled Zayden’s hair before helping him stand up.

He held the smaller mans hands close to his chest, close enough so Zayden could feel his heart beating 

“I really do love you, Zayden. You’re my everything and I don’t know where I’d be without you. I don’t like when you’re hurting, I want you to be as happy as I feel. I’m willing to do anything for you.” 

A huge smile spread across Zayden’s face as he wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist, pressing his head against his chest so he could listen to his heartbeat. Richie let a content sigh, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him closer, pressing his chin on top of his head. 

“I love you too, Dick.”

Richie chuckled. “That never gets old,” he said before picking him up, “lets eat.”

[ladyhatter614]

[just-a-dumb-gay]

IF I HEAR ONE MORE PERSON CALL ME A GIRL AFTER I CORRECT THEM MULTIPLE TIMES! I'M! GONNA! LOSE IT!

Long rant, feel free to scroll past. Just the internet is the closest I've got to screaming into a void.

Yes! Physically I am a girl!

But I don't like it! Well, I don't like my top half. Bottom half doesn't bother me but god do I want a binder. But how many times do I have to say that I'm non binary before people stop calling me a fucking girl?!

How many damn times do I have to correct people when they use my birth name?! I correct my gran countless times yesterday, SHE EVEN CALLED ME BY MY BIRTH NAME LITERALLY 3 SECONDS AFTER I CORRECTED HER AND DIDN'T EVEN MAKE AN EFFORT TO CORRECT HERSELF!!! AND SHE DONE THAT MULTIPLE TIMES! She has a bad memory, but that bad? Oh hell no!

How many damn times am I going to explain I think more like a guy, I act more like a guy but I still don't feel like a boy or girl!?

And yestarday my gran mentioned my long hair, and my mum mentioned it needs cut (got alot of split ends, havent been able to get it cut in a while. And just generally need it cut, its getting hellishly long. Like half way down my thigh long lol) and then my gran said she wished she had long hair. I turned round confused and said "You had long hair but you cut it?". So my gran and mum started talking between themselves, and for a laugh I turned my dad and just said "Women. What are they like". And my mum fucking turns to me and says "Eh don't forget you are one!" (Or something like that). Me being me replied "Eh im the one that's gonna marry a women, that aint gonna be fun." for a laugh, and then just as I was walking out the door I quickly turned back round and went "And im not one btw!" I didn't catch my mums reaction but somehow I doubt that it was good.

The really annoying part. Just on Wednesday while on video call, they both said they were gonna start trying to call me Kayden, and obviously I was super happy. My mum even messaged me later on Wednesday saying "Hi Kayden, it was nice talking to you earlier." I was totally over the moon happy about it.

Then yesterday. Its like Wednesdays conversation didn't even fucking happen. And im sitting thinking "What kinda bullshit is this?!"

I swear, I think I need to sit down with my mum, gran and dad (they're the only 3 family members I talk to regularly. The only family member who is accepting of it is my aunt.) and just actually discuss with them at some point that I hate being called She/Her and I cannot even put into words how much I hate my birth name. But at the same time if I even suggest that, there's only 2 possible outcomes:

1 - I doubt it would happen. If I suggested something like that honestly I think id just get ignored. Or told something like "That's not necessary, just remind us more often." or maybe even "But we've known you as >birth name< for 15 years, give us time to get use to it."

2 - It happens. But everything I say goes in 1 ear and right out the damn other.

Because my mum and gran just don't understand being nb no matter how many times I try to explain it or just simply say "Im neither! Not a boy! Not a girl! Just neither!" they just don't freaking get it!

And my dad, well the nb thing doesn't bother him. And if it does, he doesn't mention it. But the whole name thing. Uuuuuuugggghhhhhh i will never forget how badly I wanted to hit him with something when I told him. Now he just avoids the topic all together. Goes silent or changes topic when I mention it. Or if i really push the subject he just says something like "We've known you as >birth name< for your whole life." or the first time I mentioned it he said something along the lines of "But that's the name we gave you so you'll always he >birth name< to me" which is the line that made me really want to hit him.

I think my gran thinks im only nb cos I spend so long online! BITCH NO! I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS JUST A TOMBOY BECAUSE NO ASSHAT EVER TAUGHT MY THERE WAS MORE THAN JUST BOY, GIRL OR TRANS! THATS ALL IVE EVER KNOWN, NOBODY EVER TOLD ME I COULD BE BOTH OR NEITHER! I ONLY KNOW IM NB BECAUSE I SPEND SO LONG ONLINE AND (if you find the right ones) PEOPLE HERE ARE ACCEPTING AND HELPFUL!!!

I get it'll take time to get use to calling me Kayden. I can accept that. But reality of the situation is, I mentioned this many months ago. And not once has a proper, genuine effort be made.

And I can accept that I'll still get called She/Her alot, because im still physically a girl and look like a girl. Hell I still call myself She/Her alot, so I can accept that mistake a little easier. Doesn't mean im totally comfortable with it, because god am I not, but it is a little harder to get use to especially around people who I don't talk to that much. And my gran finds it stupid to call 1 person by They/Them. And she mocked that before I could even say id rather go by They/Them. So that instantly threw me off even trying to bring that up, because why would I if I know I'll probably just get mocked?

Adfssafsafdsdfshsgajfjd I could ramble on more but The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 is about to come on TV and I wanna watch it.

RANT OVER! IF YOU'RE SCROLLING BY QUICKLY YOU CAN STOP NOW!

[camillemontespan]

finding athenais [m!kayden x mc] [part three: the woods]

Part Two if you want to catch up

@jovialyouthmusic​​ @ibldw-main​​ @burnsoslow​​ @sirbeepsalot​​ @dcbbw​​ @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​​ @moonlightgem7​​ @pug-bitch​​  @saivilo​​ @gardeningourmet​​ @mskaneko​​ @walkerswhiskeygirl​​ @dailydoseofchoices​​ @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld​​ @msjr0119​​ @chaotichuman0090​​ @jamesashtonisbae​​ @krishu213​​ @katedrakeohd​​  @emichelle​​ @emceesynonymroll​​ @stopforamoment​​ @notoriouscs​​ @rainbowsinthestorm​

Warnings: Some violence. 

************************************************************************************

I wake up with a jolt. Blinking, I feel coldness wash over my body and I shiver. My heart hammering against my chest, I immediately look for my son.

I see him curled up beside me, his hand clenched around mine. He is staring at me with big eyes.

'Mother!' Enzo cries. 'I thought you had died! We're being taken away! We're not in the city anymore!'

I reach out to pull him into me and try to calm him down. His tears run down my neck and I hold him tight while trying to work out where we are.

We're in a cart being driven by a cloaked figure.

We are in a cart meant for cows.

If Kayden could see us now, he would be appalled. You do not place the wife and son of the Crown Shield in a vehicle made for animals.

I look at our surroundings. We are in the woods. It is the middle of Winter and snow covers the ground. It’s freezing and a biting wind hits my face; these are not humane conditions.

I raise my voice to shout at the driver. 'Sir? Please stop! Let us go!'

He ignores me. I continue to shout and Enzo joins in. 'My father is the Crown Shield! He will find us and kill you!'

I clap my hand over his mouth. I can't have Enzo anger the driver, whoever he is.

But the driver brings his horse to a halt and we stop. Clutching onto Enzo, I watch the cloaked man jump from his horse and land on the ground, his heavy boots crushing untouched snow.

He stalks towards us. I can only see his eyes - the rest of his face is hidden with a scarf. Enzo draws back now, regretting his bravery, but I sit with my back straight and chin raised, trying to look authoritative.

'You might want to tell your little brat to stop making threats,' the man growls from behind his scarf.

'He's scared,' I tell him. 'Please, whoever you are let us go. We have no quarrel with you.'

The man laughs dryly. 'Oh I know,' he says, 'but I've been ordered to take you with me. You don't answer to me.'

'Please let us go,' I ask again. 'My son is only a child and I'm pregnant. Please. Let us go home and I promise we won't go after you. My husband will not try and punish you.'

I know that is a lie.

This man knows it is a lie.

My husband is renowned for dispensing justice in brutal ways. There is no way that this man will go unpunished if Kayden got us back. Kayden would sentence him to death without trial, his only reason being that his family were in danger.

That is the only reason he would need.

'I promise, there will be no consequences for you,' I continue.

The man suddenly reaches out and grabs me by the hair. 'You and your husband think you are so powerful,' he spits. 'You are both too confident. It's laughable. You better check yourself before suggesting that the Crown Shield will have consequences for me. Time's are changing, Miss. If you think your husband is going to be alive by the end of it, you have another thing coming.'

I narrow my eyes at him. 'My husband, the Crown Shield, will find us.'

The man's grip on me tightens. 'I see you're too stupid to listen,' he hisses. 'Typical fucking woman.'

His fist suddenly connects with my face and I fall  back into darkness, the last thing I hear being my son screaming my name.

*********************************************

Kayden, Frisk and Percival rode their horses down the hills leading to the palace. Kayden had decided to ride to the woods first this two followers didn't question it.

Kayden knew the kingdom like it was the back of his hand. He didn't need a map. Years of riding through Cordonia had taught him the best routes to take, the good paths and the places were no man should ever venture.

The woods fell into the third category.

It was a place where people became lost forever. Wolves prowled at night and the bodies of fallen women and criminals were buried there. If you never wanted to be found, the woods were the place to go.

Which was why Kayden was making that his first port of call. Because his family were missing and this was the likely place to try search for them.

He just prayed that he wouldn't find them in an open grave.

**********************************************

'Fuck, I've always hated this place,' Frisk admitted, halting his horse at the entrance to the woods.

Kayden turned to look at his colleague. 'Frisk, we're going in.'

Frisk sighed. 'Yes Captain.'

Percival steeled himself. 'Shall we split up?' he asked.

Kayden shook his head. 'No. We stay together.'

'But surely we would cover more ground if we split up?' Percival said. 'Divide and conquer as they say!'

Kayden sighed. 'Have you been in these woods before, Percival?'

'No..'

Kayden nodded, proven right. 'Then you want to stick with us, trust me. A lot of darkness in this place. It's no place for a man on his own.'

Percival swallowed before trying to remind himself why he was here. He was here for his wife. Athenais' sister.

Kayden cleared his throat. 'Onward,' he instructed.

The three men slowly rode into the woods, Kayden at the front, moving into the unknown. Percival prayed they would make it back out again before the trees swallowed them up and the wolves cornered them.

*********************************************

They rode through the woods carefully. The horses would slide occasionally on the ice and so Kayden ensured that they took a slow pace. The last thing he wanted was for Atlas to end up with a sprained ankle.

The snow drifted down onto his head and his face was freezing but that didn't matter right now. What mattered was finding his family. He would travel through a hurricane if it meant finding Athenais and Enzo.

'If someone took them,' Percival said, breaking Kayden's thoughts, 'why do you think they would do that?'

Kayden grimaced. 'Because I am the Crown Shield,' he replied. 'I protect the king. Whoever these traitors are, they want to bring me down to my knees in the worst way possible.'

'Ah they've chosen the wrong man to cross, Captain!' Frisk said cheerfully, trying to keep spirits up. 'You're the man!'

If he was trying to make Kayden laugh, it didn't work. Kayden's jaw was set tightly and his eyebrows were furrowed as he concentrated on riding through the snowy terrain.

The only people who made Kayden laugh were Athenais and Enzo.

*********************************************

It was summertime. Kayden was reclining on the bench in the garden, watching his son play on the grass with his wooden sword. Enzo was having fun jabbing thin air, shouting 'I AM THE CROWN SHIELD!'

Kayden chuckled. 'Keep your feet planted on the ground!' he called out.

Enzo grinned and adjusted his stance, following his father's advice.

'Hello my love.'

Kayden looked around to see Athenais wandering up the path towards him. She was wearing a silver silk dress that pooled down at her feet and her dark hair was loose in waves down her back. She wore a delicate silver chain around her head that gleamed with topaz gems.

Kayden reached out to gently pull her down into his lap and peppered her forehead with kisses. Athenais giggled at the affection and kissed him on the mouth.

'I have some news,' she murmured.

Kayden smiled. 'Good or bad?'

Athenais reached out to take his hand and rested it on her stomach. 'Good,' she whispered softly. 'Very good.'

Realise dawned on Kayden's face. 'You're pregnant?'

Athenais nodded. 'Are you pleased?'

Kayden pulled her close and kissed her deeply before pulling away to cup her stop. 'I'm overjoyed,' he told her. 'I can't believe it.. Our family is growing.'

Athenais' eyes welled up with happy tears. 'I know,' she said, her voice hitching. 'Look at us.'

Kayden exhaled. 'Shall we tell Enzo?'

Athenais gave him a wink. Kayden laughed and called out for Enzo to join them. Enzo hurried across, gripping onto his sword.

'Yes father?'

Kayden and Athenais smiled at each other conspiratorially. Athenais cleared her throat.

'Enzo,' she began. 'How do you feel about being an older brother?'

Enzo stared at her. 'I don't know.. It doesn't sound fun.'

Kayden leaned forward. 'Oh, but it is. You'd have someone to play with. Someone to protect.'

Enzo shrugged. 'I'm not a protector..'

'Of course you are!' Athenais protested.

Enzo blushed.

Kayden smiled softly. 'You're going to be a big brother,' he told his son. 'Your mama is having a baby.'

Enzo looked at Athenais and drew himself up. 'Will you need my protection?'

Kayden and Athenais burst out laughing. Athenais pulled Enzo onto her lap and cuddled him.

'Hopefully not,' she replied. 'But if you want to always bring me wine so I'm not run off my feet..'

Enzo jumped off her lap and began to run towards the house. 'I'll bring you wine!' he shouted.

Kayden wrapped his arm around Athenais. 'You are a cruel woman, my love..' he teased, biting her earlobe gently.

Athenais giggled and turned to kiss him deeply, enjoying the sunshine beating down on them, her husband's strong arms around her and the promise of wine.

**********************************************

Kayden, Frisk and Percival had been riding through the woods for about an hour. The snow had slowed them down but then again, Kayden wanted to be thorough in their search. He was terrified they would miss something.

While his colleagues used to make fun of him for taking the job too seriously, Kayden would remind them that he was called the Crown Shield for a reason. He had to live and breathe the job.

As they slowly made their way through the woods, Kayden's attention was brought to the clearing in front of him. He made Atlas stop and he jumped down.

'Found something Captain?' Frisk asked hopefully.

Kayden crouched down to survey the clearing.

There were tracks from what appeared to be a cart in the snow.

'These tracks are fresh,' he said. 'Whoever has taken a cart through here hasn't been long gone.'

Percival frowned. 'Who would even attempt to come through here with a cart?'

Kayden stood up and exhaled. 'Nobody would,' he answered, his voice steady. 'Which is why this is suspicious.'

'You think Athenais is in a cart?' Frisk asked in disbelief. 'But she's your wife! That would be despicable!'

Kayden clenched his fists. 'Exactly,' he said, his voice turning hard. 'It would be an insult to my wife, an insult to my son and it would be an insult to me. Follow the track marks.'

Percival blinked. 'But what if its not her?'

Kayden climbed onto Atlas and drew himself up. 'Then we come back here,' he replied. 'Now. Onward.'

'But -'

Kayden turned to look at Percival his eyes narrowed. 'I said,' he ground out, 'onward.'

***********************************************

The three men rode on, following the track marks. The tracks wound them through the woods but it was mainly open and wide, perfect for a vehicle to go through. The snow was beginning to lessen, which made the view in front of them easier, but that meant there would soon be no track marks left to follow.

The sun had now set and darkness was beginning to cover the woodland. Kayden carried on, refusing to stop. He had to keep going. He had to find this cart. 

‘Kayden, we should stop,’ Frisk said. ‘It’s getting dark-’

‘No,’ Kayden interrupted. ‘We keep going.’

He knew he was being stubborn but he didn’t care. To stop now would be to lose their target. To stop now would mean defeat. 

Soon, he could no longer see the tracks. Atlas was stepping over the snow more tentatively now, struggling to see. The horse kept going though; Atlas understood his rider’s needs. Atlas wasn’t going to let darkness and snow stop him. 

It was only until Atlas skidded on a sliver of ice that Kayden stopped their party from continuing on. He carefully climbed off Atlas and inspected his hoof and ankle, making sure the animal was unhurt. Luckily, Atlas hadn’t been injured, but it made Kayden rethink his plan. 

‘We’ll camp in the trees,’ he decided. 

Percival frowned, confused. ‘The trees?’

‘So the wolves can’t get us,’ Frisk told him, giving him a weak smile. 

Kayden nodded. ‘We’ll build a fire down below to keep us warm and sleep in the branches. As soon as dawn hits, we’re back on the road.’

They jumped from their horses and took off their saddles to give the animals relief. Together, they began to find branches to assemble into a pile to make a fire. As Percival and Frisk worked, Kayden looked out towards the trees, as if by concentrating, he would be able to see Athenais and Enzo. But all he saw was darkness. 

***********************************************************

Enzo watched over his mother as the cart rode on. He clutched the dagger inside his shirt; if the driver laid another hand on her, Enzo would be prepared. 

The darkness had enveloped them now so he had no idea where they were; all he knew was that he had to be brave. He had to be brave for his mother. 

He had to believe his father was looking for them. So, with this belief burning bright in his soul, Enzo pulled off the ring that he wore on his middle finger. It had a been a birthday present from his parents and like his mother’s necklace, it was engraved with the symbol of a lion head.

Quickly, Enzo tossed the ring out of the cart and onto the ground, leaving it for his father to find because he knew that Kayden was looking for them. This belief burned bright in his soul, unwavering.

[anhed-nia]

10/16/2018: THANATOMORPHOSE

I don’t think I’ve ever done this before, but I really have to write my 10/17 review before my 10/16 review, because if I don’t get this fucking movie off my plate immediately, I’m going to hurt myself or someone else.

[EDIT: It really was my 10/16 movie. I just hate this movie so much that I forgot what day it was, and I’m going to leave this mistake here in service of that commentary.]

If this big stupid pretentious pussy poster doesn’t give you pause, well, then maybe you will actually enjoy an entire movie that does nothing but connect the very obvious dots between the reality of being a boring loser, and the fantasy of being a living corpse. In Éric Falardeau’s feature debut, which absolutely should have been a short like the rest of his production, Suicide Girl-ish model Kayden Rose plays a failed sculptress with shitty friends and a shitty boyfriend and a shitty lover and a shitty life who just rolls around in her shitty apartment all day until she literally becomes a human bedsore. Virtually nothing else transpires in the movie: She rots, she vomits up maggots and/or semen, she masturbates compulsively (which doesn’t seem like a fun thing to do when you can feel your soft tissue deteriorating, but what the fuck do I know?). That’s the movie.

Amazingly, even though the film is so totally inert, it still manages to build up a massive rap sheet of unforgivable crimes. The very premise is a big problem: its central metaphor (which is almost not even a metaphor), equating wasting your life, with physically wasting away. I mean...who cares, right? This is actually the very question that Kayden Rose answers out loud, repeatedly--“Nobody cares”--and the problem is that you don’t find yourself wishing somebody would begin to care for her. Depression and hopelessness are the veritable bread and butter of horror, things very worth artistic exploration, but it’s hard to feel compelled when the central character is nothing but a body: a mostly nude mannequin whose tits or ass or crotch are often right in the middle of the frame, and whose acting and diction are so atrocious that it’s pretty clear the director only sees her as a hot body, or a body on which he can hang a lot of special effects.

Which brings me to my second charge, that THANATOMORPHOSE seems to want to deliver some sort of message about misogyny, and is absolutely incapable of doing so. Body horror is a really great playing field for exploring female experience. Women experience both the inside and outside of our bodies as a matter of course, whether we like it or not, in ways that are can often be involuntary, distressing, painful, or all three at once. Even a lot of  male-oriented body horror is aimed at men’s fears of female experience--see: the equal opportunity forced pregnancy of the ALIEN franchise, or James Woods’ abdominal vagina in VIDEODROME. The thing is (and I shouldn’t have to say this), it only works when there’s a richer narrative that assigns meaning to these experiences, or at the very least, a character with more than one dimension. Kayden Rose gets beat up by her boyfriend, her side piece isn’t that much nicer to her, and her friends are happy to point out that she’s covered in bruises without making any helpful suggestions. She responds to all this with a vague, gestural self-pity that makes her transformation into a zombie feel like a foregone, and not very interesting, conclusion. “Blowjobs are gross and periods are gross,” Falardeau seems to say, without realizing that these juvenile observations don’t bring any psychological depth to the empty displays of misogyny in his movie.

And look, I’m not much of a theater person. I don’t need heavy duty character studies or dense, twisty narratives to justify a movie’s existence. I’m perfectly satisfied with imagery and air quality. Unfortunately, THANATOMORPHOSE’s willful commitment to showing absolutely nothing happening for intolerable stretches of time is not supported by any kind of aesthetic interest. Maybe Falardeau thinks this is supposed to be a hard gore version of JEANNE DIELMAN, 23 QUAI DU COMMERCE, but he’s got a lot to learn about tension, atmosphere, and even just photography, before he gets there.

Really the only thing THANATOMORPHOSE has to offer is, like its obvious (and vastly superior) ancestor NEKROMANTIC, some pretty excellent special effects. This is all thanks to David Scherer, an accomplished and prolific makeup and effects artist who no one would be surprised to hear has worked with the likes of Gaspar Noe, and Hélène Cattet and Bruno Forzani. It’s hard to estimate how many hours of Scherer’s work must have gone into this otherwise hollow film, so that at least Kayden Rose’s rotting corpse looks great. I’m forced to admit that, due only to this artistry, I was strangely compelled by the very, very end of the movie. We--by which I generally mean, “the West”--have a highly dysfunctional relationship with the idea of death. Many people live happily with the delusion that it is like some exotic cancer, something that only happens to other people. We find the concept of the cessation of existence, of consciousness, of physical integrity, so disturbing that we don’t even permit other people the autonomous mercies of euthanasia or suicide, no matter how deteriorated is their quality of life. When you make any topic this taboo, you eliminate the possibility for anyone to address it in a dignified, peaceable manner. In this way, people are condemned to live in unnecessary terror of the natural inevitability of death, to live with endless physical agonies, to watch with horror the disintegration of the body--that thing which is not only our vehicle in this world, but with which we so strongly identify our “self”. There is no explanation for why the protagonist’s body is disappearing out from under her mind, but in her final moments, Scherer’s makeup effects help frame this movie as a vivid nightmare about the intolerable separation of the mind and the body--a trauma that may happen to any of us, even many of us, at any time and for any reason.

...that said, because of Kayden Rose’s mysteriously persistent consciousness, I had to wonder: “Ok so, just because she’s been separated into all of her parts now, does that actually mean she’s dead? Or like are her molecules still alive? I mean even though the movie is over, could something still happen after this?” I don’t usually indulge such nerdy logistical exercises, and I rarely obligate movies to make sense as long as they have other virtues. Suffice it to say, my aberrant behavior can stand as evidence of the near-total lack of virtue of THANATOMORPHOSE, and I’m really just glad the movie is over.

[fluffyllamas-23]

I’ve written a couple of drabbles with my new boys, but here’s their first official fic with Owen and Kaden :D

It’s nearly nine at night when Owen trudges through the door,  thick plastic bag holding leftovers from his restaurant around his wrist.  

His breath snags in his chest, and he hunches over, coughing into the crook of his elbow.  When his lungs finally stop spasming, he tosses his keys into the bowl on the table next to the door and then walks into the kitchen.  He puts the food on the counter, because even if he has no desire to eat any of it, his husband definitely will.

He’s itching to find Kaden, because he just wants to cuddle with him on the couch...or in bed - it doesn’t matter, really, he just needs him.  He had woken up that morning, feeling vaguely like he might be coming down with something.  By afternoon, he realized that he’s definitely getting sick, and by the time he left for the night, the symptoms had fully settled in, and he was officially sick.

“Kaden,” he croaks out, walking down the hallway and groaning as his eyes throb against the harsh lights.  He shuts them off with a shaky hand, and clears his throat to try and suppress a coughing fit.  

“In the bathroom!” Kaden calls out, voice muffled.  

“What are you-” Owen stops when he walks into the bathroom, eyes zeroing in on Kaden sitting cross-legged on the counter, tearing off the athletic tape from the roll and patting it down gently on his wrist.  “Are you alright?”

“Hmm?” Kaden looks up, “yeah, why?”

“You-” Owen croaks, voice breaking as he muffles a raspy coughing fit into the crook of his elbow.  

“Are you alright? Shit, you look awful. I thought you sounded hoarse this morning.”

Owen waves him off, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine,” Kaden frowns, hopping off the counter.  He crosses the distance between him, and before Owen can protest, lays a cool hand on his forehead, “mmm...you're really warm, I think you might have a fever.  Go lie down.”

“What’d you do to your wrist?”

“I tweaked it at practice.”

“Oh...you should be more careful,” Owen says, sounding dazed.  

“How the hell did you manage to drive home like this without crashing? You should have called me, I would have picked you up.”

“I drove home because I’m FINE.”

“You have a fever.”

“No...your hand is just...hot.”

Kaden rolls his eyes, and pushes him gently towards the couch, “have you eaten?”

He shakes his head, “brought food home, though.”

Kaden’s eyes light up, “what’d you bring?”

“I dunno...can’t remember.”

“I’ll check. Go change into something more comfortable.”

“This is comfortable.”

“Oh my god, stop acting like a petulant toddler for two minutes,” Kaden scolds gently, “go change into some fucking sweats and a hoodie because slacks and a button down and a tie aren’t fucking comfortable.”  

“Ka-”

“-I’ll go grab you a blanket and some medicine, don’t fight me on it, you have a fever and that god-awful cough, and you need it.”

“I don’t want it,” he gripes.

“Owen,” Kaden frowns, “it’s not up for discussion.”

“Yes, it is.  I don’t have to take it if I don’t want to, and I don’t want to.”

Kaden sighs, “okay. I’ll make you a deal.”

“What kind of deal?”

“I’m going to take your temperature.  If it’s over a hundred, you take it, and I’ll make you some mac n cheese, and that tea you like so much,” when Owen pauses and gnaws on his bottom lip, “and I’ll even throw in a massage and put the blanket in the dryer and you can pick whichever movie you want.”

“How are you going to give  mea massage with a fucked up wrist?” Owen frowns, “you should be icing that, by the way.”

Kaden rolls his eyes, “I have been. Don’t change the subject - what do you say?”

Owen is quiet for a minute, and then, “fine.”

Owen goes into the bedroom to change, and Kaden walks around the house, locating the thermometer, medicine, and blanket that Owen likes when he’s sick before walking into the laundry room.  By the time he walks out a couple of minutes later, Owen is sprawled out on the couch, head resting on pillowed arms as he drifts in and out of sleep.  

Kaden drapes the blanket over him, and then kneels in front of him, “you want a pillow? It’s gotta be more comfortable than your arms.”

“Mmm,” he mumbles sleepily, blinking heavily.  

“Here,” Kayden says gently, grabbing one of the throw pillows from the other side of the couch.  

“Oh...thanks,” he mumbles.  

Kaden puts the thermometer in his ear, “do you have to work tomorrow?”

“No...s’my day off...unless there’s some emergency.”

“There’d better not be,” Kaden says, glancing at the number on the screen, “you have a one hundred and one degree fever.”

“Nooooo,” Owen whines, “I don’t want medicine.”

“Too bad, sucks for you, but you promised.”

“The empathy I feel from you is just overwhelming.”

“Well if you weren’t such a baby about taking it, I would be nicer.  Don’t make me sit on you like last time, just take it please.”

“It’s gross.”

“I know, but it’ll help you feel better.”

“I guess.”

“I’ll get you something to chase it with.  Just take it and you’ll be done.”

*

“No,” Kaden says, shaking his head as he watches Owen stumble around the room, getting ready, “absolutely not.”

“My best chef fucking walked out in the middle of the lunch rush,” Owen rasps, a scowl crossing his face, “I don’t have a choice, Kaden. George called me in a panic, he doesn’t have time to hire someone new, and I’m qualified enough to step in, so I’m going to.”

“You do have a choice! You’re sick. I know that restaurant is your baby, and I know you love it, but you didn’t sleep all night, and you still have a fever and you can’t fucking stop coughing. You don’t have to go, have your managers handle it.”

“We only have two managers,” he groans, burying his face in his hands.

“That’s plenty.”

“No. Millie’s Mom is in the hospital, so she can’t work, and Josh hasn’t had a day off in over a week, he needs a break.”

“You haven’t had a day off in over a week either. You need a break, too.”

“It’s my fucking restaurant, this is my responsibility.”

Kaden groans, “you’re going to die. You really don’t have anyone else you can call?”

“Not until the dinner staff shows up in a couple of hours.”

“If you’re really insistent on going, I’ll drive you. I don’t want you behind the wheel when you’re this sick, you’d crash your car and then I’d kill you. You do know that if you show up looking this shitty, Ada is going to kick your ass.”

“I’ll just pull the boss card then.”

“And then she’ll kick your ass all over again for using the boss card.”

“Yeah, well,” he croaks, coughing into the crook of his elbow.  

“Uh, so I hope you know that none of your customers are going to be very happy if you infect them with whatever the hell kind of plague you caught.”

“Flu mask,” he croaks, “and gloves and hand sanitizer.  It’ll be fine.”

*

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” Ada growls, stepping around him, holding a hot pot of tomato sauce. “Why are you even here? I can handle it, dumbass.”

“George didn’t seem to think so,” Owen croaks, blinking slowly down at the dish he’s working on.

“Yeah, well George is a huge dick, and you need to just fire him.”

“He’s the best kitchen manager around, you know that,” Owen scowls, “and if I’m not mistaken, I offered the job to you, but you said-“

“-Fuck no. Yeah, I remember.”

“Right. So you can’t complain about anything.”

“I can, and I will.”

“Yeah, I know you will,” he croaks, voice catching as he coughs into the crook of his elbow. Even though ne has a flu mask on, he’s still worried about possibly contaminating the food.

He clears his throat with a grimace, and he’s suddenly aware of just how aggressively awful he feels, and he regrets turning down meds before Kaden had driven him to work.  

He turns his attention back to what he’s working on. As each minute ticks by, he feels worse and worse, and a little while later, he feels a hand on the back of his neck, followed by a sharp inhale.

“Owen, seriously,” Ada says, voice uncharacteristically soft, “you’re really warm...go home.  We can handle it on our own.”

“I jus’need to sit down,” he mumbles, everything suddenly becoming too much. 

“Okay, okay,” she soothes, “let’s get you out back, it’s too hot in here.”

Owen nods, the movement jerky and uncoordinated, and Ada puts her hand underneath his elbow, helping him outside.  He sighs in relief when the cold air hits his face, but then he’s coughing so harshly that tears spring to his eyes, and his knees buckle beneath him.  She catches him, grunting as she lowers him to the ground.  

“Sorry,” he croaks, blinking dazedly as black spots gather in his peripherals.  

Ada crouches in front of him, putting his hands on his cheeks as she tries to gauge just how warm he really is.  

“If you weren’t so fucking out of it, I would kick your ass for showing up, I hope you know that.”

*

Kaden is sitting in the car, music blasting as he bobs his head along to the beat.  He taps his fingers in time with the music as he scrolls through his phone.  His phone rings, and he glances at the screen, corners of his mouth tugging down into a frown when he sees Ada’s name.  

He kills the music before answering the phone and putting it on speaker.  

“Ada?”

“You need to come get your idiot husband.”

His stomach clenches, “what happened?”

“He basically collapsed.  I have him out back, come get him, I have to go back to work.”

Kaden is out of the car in an instant, barely checking to make sure the road is clear before he crosses the street and makes his way into the restaurant.  He all but kicks the doors open, walking through the kitchen and out the backdoor, heart pounding in his chest.  

“Oh good,” Ada says, glancing up at Kaden, “okay, if you’ve got him, I’m out.  Just...keep me in the loop.  Make sure he doesn’t die.”

“I will.  Thank you,” Kaden says, staring down at Owen, who’s sitting with his head between his knees.  He kneels in front of him, “it’s time to go, sweetheart.  Can you stand?”

“I don’t know,” Owen croaks.  

“We’ll go slow then.  Let me know if you need to stop.”

Kaden helps him to his feet slowly, and as soon as Owen is steady, he puts his hand on his lower back.  

To Kaden’s surprise, they only need to stop a handful of times, and once Owen is finally in the car, he breathes a sigh of relief.  

“I think I made a mistake,” Owen croaks, coughing roughly into his shoulder.  

Kaden shoots him a flat look, “you think? I would say you absolutely made a mistake.”

Owen groans weakly, “you’re mad.”

“Yeah, I’m fucking pissed,” Kaden seethes, narrowing his eyes at Owen.  

Owen stares at his lap, looking so dejected and sad.  The little, “oh” that he croaks out sounds so upset and broken, that it nearly breaks Kaden’s heart.

“We can talk about it when you’re feeling less awful,” Kaden says gently, reaching out to cup his burning cheek, “let’s just go home.”

“I didn’t mean to make you mad...I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he says, smiling softly at Owen.

“Can we cuddle?”

“Of course.  How about you close your eyes and try to get some sleep?”

He nods, allowing himself to drift off to sleep to the sounds of the music drifting lightly through the radio.

[doomedhowell]

Coming Home To You

Summary: Dan has been working for Phil as his nanny ever since his son was born. Phil travels for a living so he’s hardly ever home. However, they’ve gotten close over the past few months and Dan can’t help but want to be more than what they are.

Genre: AU, Fluff

Word Count: 1,864

Dan smiles as he looks over at the little boy sitting in his high chair. He reaches over and ruffles his hair, laughing when the boy whines. “It’s not my fault you’re so darn cute, Kayden,”

Dan has been working as a full-time nanny for Phil Lester for over six months now, and he absolutely adores children and he’s always wanted his own but he doesn’t want to be a single dad, so being a nanny is the second best option for him as he’s not totally alone.

However, Phil Lester is a very busy business man. He’s always constantly travelling which is actually the main reason why he needed a nanny so that he doesn’t have to bring his son everywhere with him. Dan totally understands where Phil is coming from but he can’t help but feel bad for his son.

Eventually, Dan and Phil started getting close with each other. Whenever Phil is home, they stay up late and talk with each other. Phil always tells Dan about his travel stories and Dan happily listens. This led to Dan and Phil becoming somewhat more than being just friendly with each other. They weren’t official, because Phil isn’t home enough where they could talk about what they were which frustrates Dan.

Dan thought of it as a friends with benefits type of thing, or even Phil being his “sugar daddy”. Dan would sleep with Phil and get money in return. That’s what they started with each other and Dan didn’t see it ending anytime soon, although he secretly wished that they could be more than that.

“Finish your dinner, sweetheart,” Dan says to Kayden before walking into the kitchen. He pulls out his phone and smiles when he sees that Phil is calling him. Phil is supposed to come home for the weekend. It’s been weeks since he’s been home and Dan is excited to see him again, and so is Kayden. “Hey!”

“Hey stranger,” Phil jokes when he answers the phone. “How’s everything at home?”

“Good. It’s been surprisingly a peaceful day,” Dan tells him as he starts washing the dishes. “Kayden is just about to finish with dinner. He’s really excited to see you tonight.”

“Yeah, about that…” Phil laughs nervously. “Something came up.”

“What do you mean something came up?” Dan asks, although he already knows where this is going. It’s not the first time Phil’s bailed on him and Kayden.

“I can’t come home until next weekend. The dates got switched up,”

“Are you kidding me?” Dan shouts as he throws the washcloth into the sink, earning a look from Kayden.

However, Dan doesn’t know that Phil is actually right outside the front door. He wanted to surprise Dan and Kayden by coming home a few hours earlier. He wasn’t supposed to come home until later tonight.

“Look, Dan. I’m sorry? These things happen sometimes. You should be used to it by now,”

“Yeah, I am used to it. But your son isn’t,” Dan snaps. “He’s just  not old enough to understand why daddy is gone all the time. Don’t you ever think about Kayden’s feelings?”

“Hey, don’t talk to me about my son like that,” Phil snaps back at Dan as he slowly pushes the door open and walks into the house. He looks up and is relieved when he doesn’t see anyone in the hallway.

“What am I supposed to tell Kayden?” Dan asks.

“He’s a baby… he’s going to be fine. Just give him candy or something,” Phil says quietly.

“Give him candy?” Dan asks angrily. “What the… you’ve got to be joking! You’re a terrible father!”

“Is that so?” Phil asks as he walks into the kitchen, raising his eyebrows.

Kayden looks over and gasps when he sees Phil standing there. “Dada!”

Dan blinks a few times as he looks over at Kayden, and then looks over again and his eyes widen when he sees Phil standing in the doorway with his arms crossed against his chest. “Ph-Phil…?”

“What’s this about me being a terrible father?” Phil asks, smirking.

“You tricked me!” Dan yells before running over to Phil and hugging him tightly. “I hate you so much.”

Phil laughs and wraps his arm around Dan, hugging him. “You think I would do something like that?”

“You have done it before,” Dan mumbles before looking up at Phil.

“True. I’m sorry. I do try my best. My schedule can be…”

Dan shakes his head as he looks up at Phil. “Don’t apologize, Phil. I totally understand. I just hate when you do it last minute,” Dan says. “Now go say hello to your son.”

Phil smiles and then he walks over to Kayden. “Hey buddy,” he reaches down and picks him up. “Gosh, you’ve gotten so big. Dan’s been taking good care of you, huh?”

Dan smiles proudly, and then he walks back into the kitchen and continues with washing the dishes while Phil sits with Kayden at the kitchen table so he can finish his dinner.

Dan loves whenever Phil’s home. It feels less lonely. Sure, he has Kayden around all the time, but Kayden is just a baby. It’s not like Dan can have a conversation with Kayden. He likes having someone to talk to and occasionally kiss from time to time. Cuddles are nice too. Dan just likes Phil’s company in general.

“Why don’t we-” Phil begins as he walks behind Dan and wraps his arms around him. “Put Kayden to bed and have a little time to ourselves?” He suggests before kissing Dan’s neck.

“Phil,” Dan blushes. “You’re supposed to be spending time with Kayden.”

“I promise I’ll spend all day with him tomorrow and even on Sunday. I’ll take him to do fun some things and you can stay home and relax for a few hours. How’s that sound?”

“That sounds nice but I was hoping to spend time with you as well,” Dan looks up at Phil.

“You can come along with us if you’d like,” Phil smiles. “You’re apart of the family. You know that.”

“I know what you’re asking for, but you just got home. Let’s watch a movie or something first with Kayden, and then we’ll put him to bed, and you can have me all to yourself. How’s that sound?” Dan smirks.

“Sounds like a wonderful plan,” Phil grins and kisses Dan once. “And, by the way… I do want to spend time with my son. I’m not trying to push him away. I just also want to be with you.”

Dan can’t help but smile. The fact that Phil does want to spend time with him means the world to Dan, and gives him hope that maybe one day they can be more than what they are right now.

After relaxing with Phil for a little while and watching a movie with Kayden in the living room, Dan and Phil give Kayden a bath and Dan puts him to bed. Phil watching so he knows what Dan does to put him to bed. Phil does want to be able to take care of his child but he’s gone so much that he never really gets to learn, but luckily Dan is always happy to help him and teach him, and is very patient with him.

As soon as they get to the bed, Phil shuts the door quickly and slams Dan against the wall.

Dan gasps as he looks up at Phil with wide eyes, though there’s a smile on his face. “Phil,” he breathes.

Phil smirks and then he kisses Dan roughly yet sweetly. He grabs a hold of Dan and props him up against the wall, and Dan takes this opportunity to wrap his legs around Phil’s waist.

Phil smiles as they kiss, and then he grabs Dan and carries him over to the bed and places him down, before crawling on top of him. He smiles as he looks down at Dan. “God, I’ve missed you,” he whispers.

“That’s funny, because I’ve missed you too,” Dan whispers back to him before pulling him in for a kiss.

**

Dan takes a deep breath as he lays on his back, staring at the ceiling. It’s quiet, and he can hear Phil’s breathing next to him. It’s nice having someone next to him again. Dan missed him a lot.

Dan bites his lip slightly as he looks over at Phil. “Phil?” He asks quietly after staring at him for a moment. Phil’s eyes are closed but Dan knows that he’s still awake.

“Hm?” Phil asks, keeping his eyes closed.

“What are we?” Dan asks, almost dreading to hear Phil’s answer, but he just has to know.

“What?” Phil asks, finally opening his eyes and looking over at Dan. “What do you mean?”

“I mean-” Dan sighs and pushes himself up. “What are we? Are we… friends with benefits? Am I just… someone you only care to fuck whenever you’re home? Or, are we actually boyfriends?”

“Is that what you want to be?” Phil asks, also pushing himself up.

Dan looks over at Phil. “Yes,” he answers honestly. “Yes. That’s what I want. But, I’m not sure if that’s what you want. I bet you probably meet hundreds of cute boys when you’re travelling. Why would you want to settle down with someone like me?” Dan scoffs and looks down at his hands.

Phil raises his eyebrows, and then sits closer to Dan. “Yes, I do meet hundreds of boys around the world, and I’ll admit I’ve hooked up a few times. We never made us officially so I didn’t think that was wrong.”

Dan looks up at Phil. “It wasn’t wrong. You’re allowed to do whatever you want,” he says.

“Well, if that’s the case… then I want to date you,” Phil says with a smile.

“R-Really?” Dan asks, his eyes widening in surprise. “You want to date… me?”

“Why’s that so shocking to you, Dan?” Phil chuckles. “I mean… there’s no one else I’d rather be with. When I come home, I’m excited to come home to you. Not anyone else. Besides Kayden, of course. Speaking of, you’re so good with him. Who else am I going to find that puts up with my schedule? There’s no one else Kayden is going to trust besides you. You care about Kayden.”

“Of course I care about Kayden. I’ve been taking care of him since he was born practically,” Dan says.

“Right,” Phil nods. “Anyways… what I’m trying to say is I want to be with you.”

Dan can’t help the smile on his face, and he instantly wraps his arms around Phil’s neck and hugs him. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that!”

Phil laughs as he hugs Dan back. “Dan, you should have said something before,” he says.

Dan pulls back and looks at Phil, though his arms still around Phil’s neck. “Do you know how awkward that would have been? We’ve practically been friends with benefits for months…”

“True,” Phil nods in agreement. “I’m sorry you had to wait so long.”

“That’s okay. I would have waited forever for you,” Dan says before kissing Phil.