Under The Willow Tree | MYG
Title: Under The Willow Tree
Pairing: Bad Boy!Min Yoongi x (F)!Reader
Rating//Genre: (T) | One Shot, Small Town AU, S2F2L, Implied Age Gap, Slow Burn, Angst, Touch of Fluff, Darker Subject Matter, First Kiss, Silce of Life
Summary: The town outcast shows up in the one place you find solace from it’s residents. The people you force yourself to fit in with, even though you never want to be anything like them. Will he ruin your only place of salvation, or become the most unlikely friend?
Warnings: PG16, some not necessarily positive non-specific religious discussions, people using religion in a negative may, plot twisty, cursing, kissing, semi-apparent abandonment issues, discussions of dead parents and guardians, mentions of alcoholism in a parent, mentions of illness in a parent, yoongi has tattoos and a motorcycle, motorcycle lessons, longing, mishandled emotions, catharsis.
Word Count: 7401
Release Date: April 10, 2023, 4:05PM
A/N 1: This happened due to a writing prompts post I shared sometime in late march. I’m quite proud of it considering I hadn’t planned anything so the entire story was written as I was writing. Very different than my normal writing process.
A/N 2: Thank you endlessly to @borahae-k, @katykatmeow, @here4btsfics and @phthartic-fox for beta’ing this. I love you all for your help, support and kindness.
It happened under a willow tree. A weeping willow.
Your favourite willow, to be specific. Even though there’s just the one.
It’s by the pond deep in the woods behind your house, where you watch ducks swim through the long, wispy branches that just reach its shore. Where you sit at the base, waiting for the sun to set the sky ablaze with colour as it falls into the horizon for another good night's sleep.
The one under which you had your first kiss.
You’d been waiting. Wanting it to be special, with the right person.
But a brief brush of soft, pink lips with the last person you ever expected had you wanting more, more, more.
It’d been a few months since he started coming to the willow. You’d assumed for the same reason you did.
To get away. From anyone and everything.
There aren’t many places in your hometown that allow for privacy, and you imagined he needed it more than anyone. Somewhere far from the residents' judgmental stares that were always nothing less than smothering.
Hailing from a very small, very rural, religious town where everybody’s known everyone for generations, your community is one where you follow in the footsteps of your parents and grandparents before them.
Where your life is already decided for you at birth, whether you know it or not.
Copy. Paste.
Copy.
Paste.
You’re born there; either at home with a midwife or in the one floor hospital down the main road. Raised there; a hand-me-down wearing, bike riding, creek-playing child.
You go to school there; stuck inside the same four walls from the ages of 4 to 18. Get your driver's licence there; from the sheriff after a road test that a 9 year old could pass.
You graduate there; from the same high school your friends, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents went to. Get a job; in town or on a farm, the only two options there are.
And marry there; before 25, lest you become a spinster, subject to the gossip vultures also known as your neighbours. Then have some kids before growing old and dying, your permanent resting place dug in the same graveyard as everyone else that came before you.
Copy.
Paste.
It’s a suffocating fate that petrified you to your core. And you’ve known you didn’t want it for as long as you can remember.
You never liked their rules. Didn’t want to become one of them, to do as they do, live the way they live.
You’d skillfully escaped making any true friends as you grew older, but kept the people you could tolerate close enough to not be bored on weekends. They’re all temporary placeholders in your life anyway, people who sound like robots stuck in the same settings. People who would hold you back.
What’s worst of all is that you don’t share the religion they claim to be so hallowed and wonderful. The one that’s unwittingly forced them all into this life of monotonous repetition.
You dream of more. Of life outside this dreaded purgatory.
Of leaving.
But no one ever leaves. They’re stuck here, in this downwards spiral of life you’re so desperately trying to dig yourself out of. It makes you feel like a fraud, constantly pretending to be one of them. Always wearing a mask just to make it to the next day alive, unharmed by them and their values.
It makes you feel like there’s always a pair of eyes watching, waiting for you to mess up and reveal your blasphemous self.
You’re terrified they’ll discover the truth. Terrified of the ostracisation that will come the second they know you aren’t one of them.
You’ve seen it in real time. What they do to people who don’t conform.
Seen how they treat him.
Two years older. Bleach blond hair and a sleeve full of tattoos. A leather jacket he wears like armour with all black clothes to match. And last, but certainly not least, a motorcycle.
You daydreamed about that bike. Taking it and riding far, far away.
The busybodied people of your town never had a kind word to be said about him. Instead, choosing to call him any and every horrible name under the sun.
Beast, bastard, demon, monster, criminal.
Unable to understand him, understand anyone different.
They herd their children away from him in the streets; parting like the Red Sea when he walks by.
As if he were acid.
As if he was evil itself, and not just a young man.
You’ve never even heard him speak because no one dares to talk to him, worried any contact could turn them, seduce them into whatever his sick ways were.
And you’re ashamed to admit you’re one of them…sort of.
You aren’t worried about speaking to him, you’re worried about what being seen speaking with him will do to you.
You’re someone whose only salvation from complete and total social isolation relies on fitting in.
And even if it kills you to pretend, you only need to do it for a little while longer.
You just had to make it to college. You’d be the first one in decades to go. Their mindset of ‘you have everything you need here so why bother leaving’ having not once in your life resonated.
You can deal with them and all of their beliefs about what you should do with your life for the short hours of school and occasional shifts at the diner, so long as you can escape to your willow tree, you’ll be okay.
The weeping willow in the middle of the forest behind your house is the only one in the area. You never understood why that is, but it’s your oasis away from everything you hate.
The tips of its branches sway rhythmically in the wind, and moss creeps up its trunk. It’s surrounded by dense, plush grass for you to sit on, and after all the years of sitting in the same spot, a little groove in the shape of your body has formed at its base.
Its canopy protects you from the outside world, creating a space where you don't have to hide. Where you can proudly be yourself without fear. Where you spend as much of your time as you possibly can to keep your sanity intact.
No one bothers you here.
Your mum died years ago from an illness they never diagnosed, her plot in the town’s graveyard long since filled.
And your dad never notices you gone, too drunk in your house up on the hill to care.
So as long as there’s a constant supply of food on the counter and beer in the fridge, you’re free to do as you please.
Under the willow you do your homework and sketch. You take pictures and eat breakfasts and lunches and dinners. You listen to music and dance under the safety of its shade.
Under the willow you read great adventure novels, and dream you’re the protagonists whisked away on grand adventures. Anywhere but here.
Under the willow is your home away from home. Next to the pond, under the stars.
So it’s to your great surprise when an unexpected guest pries open the curtain of flowing foliage one spring afternoon. A bleached blond, leather jacket wearing, motorcycle riding, guest.
You don’t see him at first, too focused on the sketchpad in front of you. He steps in, and watches you work quietly, waiting for you to notice him.
You fascinate him. Every other girl in town can be found at one of three places, yet you were never at any of them. Not at the restaurant sipping on a milkshake. Not at the library studying. And not at the church volunteering.
You’re always elsewhere.
And he’s finally figured out where that is.
He was nervous at first. To follow you. You’d never spoken but that wasn’t anything new to him. No one in this town ever did.
Not to him.
But you don’t look down at him like the others do. Or jump out of the way when he walks by. You don’t tear away from his gaze as fast as the others. You hold on, even if for just a second longer.
Unknowingly, you’ve captivated him more than anyone else he’s ever met.
So he followed you to see where you vanish off to, not expecting you to go into the forest behind your house.
For a half second he considered you dangerous, because what on earth could you be getting up to in a forest for hours? But as he trailed the sounds of your footsteps and saw the small clearing with the tree, it began to make sense.
After jumping ten feet from seeing something tall and dark in your periphery, you exhale a large breath when you realise you aren’t in any danger, and shake out the nerves.
You’d normally worry he was there to hurt you, but something in you knew he never would. Never could. Maybe it was the look he gave as he regarded you.
Soft. Wistful even.
“What are you doing here?” You ask, wary. The first words you’ve ever spoken to him.
Barely contained inside the limits of the willows perimeter, he shrugs, and takes a long look around your little sanctuary.
And as he does, you get your first real look at him.
He’s handsome. Stoically so. And for only a moment do you wonder about all the stories hidden behind his eyes.
The ones now focused on you.
“Wanted to see where you disappear to. You’re never in town.”
So what if you were never in town? Why did he care? Wait—How did he know? Does he pay attention to you?
…Why you?
You didn’t think he cared to notice anyone in this town, let alone you enough to know you don’t follow the social expectations of someone your age.
To pick up on the fact that you’re never there at all.
It makes a million things run through your mind—Why does he care about where you go? What about you is so special? Does he even know your name?—before one resounding thought hits you like a ton of bricks.
Can you trust him?
No one else in this town does, but all of their reasons are superficial bullshit.
All you know is you don’t know the first thing about him, and that now he knows about the one place you feel safe.
“That’s intentional,” you say, cautious. Not giving away anything but not saying much either.
“Can’t blame you,” he responds, before checking out the rooftop of bright green and muttering, “Eyes and ears everywhere.”
Those four words alone are all you need.
He gets it.
“Yeah.”
Maybe you can trust him.
Observing each other for a silent minute, there seems to be an unspoken understanding forming between the two of you.
And he shoves his hands in his pockets, asking, “Mind company?”
You think about it for only a second.
No. No you didn’t.
“As long as you’re quiet. I’m trying to focus,” pointing the eraser end of your pencil to the sketchpad on your lap. “The cattail leaves are the hardest to get the lines right.”
He nods, finally breaking free of his position at the branch's edge. Nearing the base of the tree, he crouches down, about a quarter of the trunk's diameter away from you. It’s close enough to still see each other, but far enough to not bump into one another.
And before nestling in fully, he extends a tattooed hand to you.
“Yoongi.”
An introduction.
“Y/N,” you return, putting your pencil down in the crease of your pad and shaking.
His hand is calloused, the ones you get from years of working with your hands. And strong, a firm grip. The kind you’d want to pull you up if you were dangling over a cliff.
So many stories contained in a 3 second touch. Yet you find yourself wanting to know all of them.
Releasing, he settles in.
What surprises you most about the whole encounter isn’t his arrival, or speaking to him for the first time, or even the handshake.
It’s that when he’s comfortable, with one leg up for an elbow to rest upon, he digs a book out from the confines of his jacket.
Jules Verne, The Mysterious Island.
Your favourite.
Spring fades into a wonderful summer of late nights and early mornings. Of beautiful blue skies and vivid sunsets you appreciate a little more now that you have someone to share them with.
Yoongi comes almost, if not, every day to the willow. Always a different book in hand. Always one of the classics.
The Iliad, 1984, Jane Eyre, Moby Dick, Anna Karina, Dracula, Little Women, Frankenstein, Catcher in the Rye, and those are just the ones you can remember because you’ve read them too. Some of them more than once.
You never expected to have anything in common with the boy that sits next to you. But from the little you’ve spoken to one another over the months, you’ve found that you share so much more than just reading habits.
On a warm April afternoon he told you he reads because he loves it but also to escape the daily hell that is your town.
“Mmm, what’s your favourite?” you’d asked.
Yoongi was lying down with an arm behind his head, staring into the treetop. Brave New World sat opened and facedown on his chest, his hand resting atop it.
“Pride and Prejudice.”
That was the last answer you expected.
“Why?”
He lifts his head to look at you.
“I thought the answer would’ve been obvious.”
After a cold drink on a hot June morning he told you his dreams of moving across the country. As far away as he could get.
“Just have to save up enough money first.”
You wondered how he made any. He definitely didn’t work anywhere in town…maybe waiting to inherit?
Who knew?
Both on a blanket you’d brought, Yoongi’s lying opposite and beside you, his feet by your hips. He used his balled up jacket as a pillow while you sat in your usual spot, capturing the way the branches swayed in your sketchpad.
He’d taken to reading to you while you drew, including you in the grand stories he now knew you loved to read too.
That day he had The Great Gatsby, a story you’d read about 20 times.
You often dreamed of attending one of his parties. Of seeing the green light across the way, or having a conversation with Nick, why he stayed.
“Are you anywhere close?” you asked, in reference to his saving goals.
“Getting there,” was all he gave.
And on a miserable, rainy night in the middle of August, is when you learned he’s all on his own.
Sitting beside each other, you both huddled underneath his jacket for what little protection from the rain it could give. Water droplets fell from the tips of his bangs as he spoke.
“My parents died in a car crash when I was 9, and then my grandma who took care of me, when I was 15.”
You grieved for him as he told you his story.
How he had to raise himself.
Just like you did.
“I’m sorry,” you’d replied gently. Softly. Knowing how it felt to have no one support you. No one to help you.
Knowing how it felt to be alone.
You understood.
You did, you did, you did.
Yoongi just stared at the ground, unable to meet your eyes. And you’d wondered if any of the water on his face was salty as he breathed out a quiet and heartbreaking, “Thank you.”
It made you question how many kind words he’d heard since his family passed.
And also incredibly pissed off at the people in your town for how they’d treated him.
How you’d…treated him.
A silent promise was made then and there. Never having felt more embarrassed and furious with yourself than in that moment. You’d learned your lesson, and hoped that offering up your own piece of vulnerability might help him feel not so alone.
Though you watched the rain turn the pond into a canvas of vibration as you did. Words dragged from the deepest parts of your soul, burning the back of your throat as they left.
“My dad hasn’t been sober a day since my mom died. His eyes are turning yellow,” you said, hugging yourself to stop shaking, convinced yourself it was because of the cold.
Even though it was August.
“He doesn’t recognize me most of the time.”
You closed your eyes, a familiar tang washing over your tongue as you licked the water dripping from your lips.
He gave no response, but an arm found its way over your shoulders and squeezed.
He understood.
It’s the beginning of September. The air’s started to nip at your cheeks, and the ground crunches a little more everyday with all of the leaves falling underfoot.
The tips of the willows leaves have begun to turn the colour of the morning sun, and by the time mid October rolls around, it’ll look like golden hour every hour of the day.
Yoongi finally tells you about the job he has at a mechanic's in the next town over. He explains how they don’t pay him nearly what they should, but he doesn’t complain because every cent brings him closer to leaving.
Just him and his bike.
You turn sheepish.
“Can I tell you something?”
He sits closer after all this time, more comfortable around one another. Still not enough to touch, not crossing that invisible boundary line, but enough that you don’t have to turn your head much anymore to see his eyes.
Brown and endless.
“Yeah, sure.”
You take a deep breath.
“I kind of always dreamed of taking your bike to get away from here and never come back.” He gives you a look and you shrug. “Seemed the easiest route to take.”
A smile that starts as a smirk turns into a healthy laugh.
“What’s so funny?” You demand. He has to calm himself down a bit before answering.
“You just uhm…don’t seem the criminal type to me, Cattails.”
There’s a flutter of something in your chest at the stupid nickname. For the drawing you did the day you met.
He continues, unaware of the goings on inside you. “Stealing? You? Nah. Not a chance.”
You open your mouth in mock outrage, scrunching your brow and bringing a hand to your chest.
“I’ll have you know I’d make an excellent criminal,” you lie to his face. He knows it too.
But giving in, you detail the plan you’d always kept in your head for emergencies, heat slowly rising in your cheeks with every word.
“I’d take the key from you when you weren’t looking, duplicate it at the hardware store, and slip it back into your pocket before you ever noticed it was gone. Then go to your place in the middle of the night and be halfway across the country before morning.”
“Oh yeah?” he says with a raised brow you don’t trust.
“Yeah,” you confirm with a little too much faux confidence.
“And where do I keep my key, Y/N? Hmm?”
“Your jacket pocket,” you’d deduced long ago.
“Mmm,” he tsks with a shake of his head. “Nope.”
Oh. Well then it must be,
“Your pants pocket?”
“Nuh uh, try again.”
Damnit!
You’d never thought much about it. How many places can someone keep a key on them without a bag and it not be in their pockets?
“Ummm, in your wallet?” Far-fetched but worth a shot.
“Ooo,” he blows through pursed lips before smirking at you again, but this one was different. It caused something very deep inside of you to turn to lava. “Good guess, but also no.”
Closing his book and setting it down, Yoongi straightens and reaches inside the collar of his shirt, retrieving a necklace you didn’t know he wore.
It’s small, the key, and almost silver. The colouring is tarnished from years of use, with worn teeth and some lettering at its base.
He holds it against a palm to show you.
“Why there?” You ask, wondering if there’s a reason aside from convenience.
With a sad tug of his lips, he answers. “Bike was my dads. I like to keep him close.”
A tender smile meets your own plush as you stare at the little key, appreciating it more after learning the importance it has to him.
And Yoongi watches you, viewing his ticket to freedom with the biggest eyes he’s ever seen, full of that same compassion and understanding you’ve always given him.
An understanding he didn’t think he’d ever see again from this place.
One he doesn’t know if he deserves.
Before you can respond, he’s taking the chain off and sliding it over your head, hand lingering for a second longer than necessary at your nape.
“Yoongi,” you hesitate.
It’s the first time you’ve said his name out loud.
You like the way it feels on your tongue. Warm, sweet. Like honey.
What you don’t know is he loves the way it sounds coming from you.
You falter. “W-what are you doing?”
“What’s it look like I’m doing?”
“But it’s your key! Don’t you need it?”
“Nah, got a spare in the storage compartment of the bike,” he says, gesturing to the one you now hold in your palms. “This way you won’t have to go through the hassle of stealing it.”
“But I—”
“Keep it,” he cuts you off. “In case you need it more than I do.”
It never leaves your neck.
“You want me to what?” You ask as you walk towards the forest edge, Yoongi trailing on your left.
“Take her out for a spin. See if you even can. You’re the one who has all these grand plans but doesn’t even know how to turn it on,” he explains, referring to his motorcycle.
“Those were just daydreamed plans! I never thought I’d actually use them! What if I crash?”
He was kidding right? He must be.
For all the time you two have spent together, you’ve never spoken or been around one another in public. An unspoken agreement.
What happens under the willow tree, stays under the willow tree.
So to be out in the open? On his bike? You don’t know if you can. Or if you should.
But then you remember a promise you made not long ago.
“You won’t crash,” he says, like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard.
“How do you know? Like you said, I don’t even know how to turn it on,” you hmph.
“Because I’ll be there.”
And maybe it’s the tone of voice he uses, or the fact that you trust him, you find yourself saying,
“Okay, fine.”
Minutes later you’re swinging a leg over the bike, and sinking on to the surprisingly comfortable seat.
“Where do I put the key?” You ask, taking it from your neck and handing it over.
Yoongi puts it in the side of the motorcycle, somewhere close to your knee.
“Here,” he shows as he turns it to the ‘ON’ position.
“Oh.”
What a weird place for an ignition.
“Mhm,” he acknowledges, then points. “Put your hand on the brake, it’s the part that sticks out on the right hand side. Hold it firmly against the handlebar. Don’t roll the handle bar itself back though, okay? That’s the throttle.”
Doing what he says, you hold the brake tight against the handle bar, murmuring an ‘okay’ under your breath.
“Now hit that button there on the right to let the fuel pump start up,” referring to the button beside the brake near your thumb. You do so.
He checks a little gauge on the side near the ignition. Seemingly pleased, he continues. “And now hit the button on the left to start it.”
Following his words once again, the engine roars to life the second the button is pressed, purring powerfully.
You feel exhilarated and a little terrified. But he’s here. You know you’re safe.
Voice a little louder to combat the noise from the motor, he says, “Okay, now on the left handle bar, grab the clutch. I’ll show you how to move into first gear, and look at me,” your eyes meet his, “do not let go of the clutch.”
You nod, but for extra precaution, he clamps his hand over the one you have holding it. You watch as he bends to put your left foot on a pedal and presses it down till you hear a pop, pushing up the kickstand when he rises.
The bike is heavy, now that you’re the only thing keeping it up right, you can feel its weight. And you understand why they’re designed to be able to have your feet on the ground even when sitting. You’d probably fall over otherwise.
“If you’re uncomfortable you let me know, yeah? And if you get scared just do what you’re doing now with this hand,” he squeezes for emphasis, “it’ll take all the power away from the engine and you’ll just coast until you stop, okay?”
“Okay!” You say, more excited by the minute. Your toes and fingertips are starting to tingle.
“I‘m gonna let go and you’re going to very, very slowly let up on the clutch—not all the way. Just enough that you move at about a pedal bike's pace. Let me jog down the road about 50 feet or so, and then you meet me there. Hold tight to the clutch again when you’re about 20 feet from me and I’ll catch you. Sound good?”
Nodding one more time in confirmation, nerves crawl all over your skin. You can’t describe the new feeling fully, but the closest you can find to it is probably the beginnings of an adrenaline rush.
You watch as Yoongi jogs down the road, throws his hands up over his head, and gives you two big thumbs up.
Taking a deep breath, you slowly release some pressure off the clutch and begin to move forwards. You know your feet are supposed to go on the metal foot rests below you, but you're so focused on not falling or crashing that you just stick them out so they don’t touch the ground.
Halting your left hands release at the speed he said to, you cruise along, wind picking up with your increased pace.
Holy shit!
You’re riding a motorcycle!
You never thought you could, it was just a dream for so long. Something you kept in the back of your mind just for fun, but now you’re actually doing it! Your driving down the road on an actual real life motorcycle!? All by yourself!?
Turns out all you needed was a little encouragement and someone you trust to spot you.
Aiming for Yoongi, you clamp down on the clutch once again, cutting power to the engine. You drift right into his awaiting hands braced for the impact, and he slides a little on the gravel road before getting you to a full stop.
He presses one of the buttons you did earlier and the bike shuts down, allowing you to jump off.
You’re positively giddy.
“Oh my god did you see me?! I just did that! I just drove a motorcycle! Can you believe it?! I can’t believe I just did that!” You don’t even register what you're saying, too full of excitement to care.
Yoongi can’t contain his grin as he gets the bike standing on its own. Your joy is too infectious not to take part in, and he walks over for a high five to celebrate.
But to his surprise, you bypass his hand completely and embrace him, throwing your arms around his neck.
It takes only a second before he’s enveloping you with his own, not letting the chance to hold you go by.
“Thank you!” You say, before letting go, not even realising what you did. You’re too busy catching your breath from all the rambling and jumping around, still filled with the remnants of your elation.
Meanwhile, Yoongi can’t get the feeling of your body against him out of his head. How soft you were. How warm. The way you smelled like a mixture of your natural scent and outside.
And he’s asking, “You wanna to go for a ride?” before he can tell himself not too.
The question makes you pause. Was he serious? Because you can’t think of anything you want more.
Staring at him, your answer is far too gentle for someone who was just screeching with joy.
“Really?”
He nods, still untrusting of his mouth, confirming with a ‘mhm.’
You don’t hesitate. You want to feel like that again.
Not a minute later he’s giving you the helmet and securing it tightly. He also makes you wear his leather jacket to protect your torso, leaving him in just an oversized black t-shirt and dark ripped jeans.
Swinging a leg over, he pats the seat behind him.
And you’re glad to have the helmet on because without it he would most definitely see your inability to meet his eye. You can barely focus on anything aside from the sight in front of you and being wrapped in the scent of him. But then he gives a tattooed hand to help you hop on, and says,
“You have to put your arms around me and hold on. Otherwise you might fly off the back when we accelerate,” holding his hands behind him to guide yours.
What? You didn’t think this far. He—you have t—Ummm, well...
“Okay,” you answer, voice small, letting your hands be guided.
Despite the loss of his jacket, he’s still deliciously warm, and the heat in your cheeks increases tenfold with your hands now splayed over his abdomen.
Lightly defined muscles meet your fingertips through the thin material of his shirt and you do your best to memorize them as he turns on the bike and pulls away from the curb.
He starts slower than normal to make sure you’re alright, but when you give him the thumbs up, he speeds up to just over the limit and you hold tight.
You’ve never felt so free, loving the rush of wind that flows over your body from going so fast. It’s pushing a welcomed cold through the fabric of your clothes as your body temperature has only increased since getting on.
You could go anywhere, do anything. Nothing and nobody could stop you.
You want that. You want it so bad. And he gave you the key to be able to.
Literally.
But now when you think about leaving, you think about leaving with him. Yoongi driving and you sitting right here on the back, nothing but each other, the road, and hope for the future.
Growing confident enough to release your grasp after a few minutes, you raise your hands in the air, and let the wind catch your fingertips. A whoop of joy leaves you at this newfound feeling he’s given you.
Then another, and another, before returning them to their place around him.
Yoongi can’t help but smile the biggest he has in years when hearing your squeals of glee.
Because for the first time in a long time, he feels it too.
Yoongi doesn’t come to the willow for almost a week.
He’s never done that since he started coming. Not once.
And you’re worried.
Where is he? Is he okay? You have no idea.
It’s not like you can go looking for him.
And you two aren’t anything anyway, so you shouldn’t even be this worried in the first place. If he’s safe, or in the bottom of a ditch somewhere.
But you can’t help it.
Just like you can’t help the feelings that have blossomed for him over the months. The feelings you didn’t want to admit to yourself for fear of him not returning them.
Yet there they were, and there isn’t anything you can do about them now.
They make you wonder if you’ll ever see him again.
Six days.
It takes him six days to return. Stomping in, and visibly pissed off.
“What’s wrong?” You ask once he’s close enough to hear.
“I’m leaving,” he says flatly, uncaring. Like you asked him what colour the sky was.
And your stupid, silly little unrequited heart shatters.
“What?”
“I’m leaving. Taking off. Getting out of here. I can’t do it anymore.”
Piece by piece it falls from your chest and into the depths of your stomach.
“B-but why? What happened?”
“I got fired.”
“Fired?”
“Yeah, fired. I tried all week to fix this one stupid mistake I made,” he explains, smoothing over his creased brow with two fingers. “But it cost more to fix than to keep me around, so they fired me. I don’t have the amount of cash I planned for, but I have enough to make it work. And I can pick up odd jobs on the road if I need to.” He nears, extending a tattooed hand. “I just came to get my key and say goodbye.”
Your hand reaches for it, clutching it tightly. You don’t want to give it back.
Who the hell is this? Because you barely recognize him. It certainly isn’t the Yoongi you’ve come to know.
The wonderfully kind, classics reading, dream-sharing, motorcycle instructing, freedom key giving man.
The one who told you about his grandmother, and his parents. Who read you stories while you drew and ate meals together. Who taught you how to ride his motorcycle.
The Yoongi you fell for.
Your Yoongi.
The person currently standing in front of you isn’t him at all.
He’s the hard, cold exterior, crafted over years of verbal and societal abuse. The one everyone avoids at all costs when walking through town. The person he had to become in order to survive.
You don’t know this person.
And you hate it.
You hate it so much it decides to exit your body in the form of tears. Ones of sadness, frustration, and heartbreak.
He’s—he’s leaving.
Actually leaving.
This place, it’s people.
You...
The few remaining pieces of your heart plunge to the floor, crumbling to dust as they hit. Nothing but a hollow, empty cavern remaining where it once sat.
“But I–you…,” the lump in your throat only getting bigger when you try to speak. You face away from him.
Don’t let him see you cry.
He’s clearly never felt anything close to what you do for him, so suck it up. Reign it in. You do it everyday. So why can’t you do it now?
You don’t get to feel this way!
Shove it back down, get it down!. Crush it all until it’s nothing.
Make it go away. Far, far away.
Yoongi’s face is falling while you’re taking deep breaths to calm down.
In all of his rage and despair at his terrible week, he’s forgotten who he was speaking to.
His kind hearted, music-sharing, been through hell and back, kickass girl. The one he can call his only true friend.
He’s such an asshole. He hadn’t seen you for almost a week, which killed him in of itself. And then the second he does, all he‘s able to do is spew the frustration and misery he’s been feeling the entire time you were apart.
Nah, he’s worse than an asshole.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ha—”
But he freezes at the sound of a small, wet inhale.
You’re crying.
He made you cry.
And a regret bigger than the ocean drowns him.
“Hey, wait, please,” he says, rushing over, but you hold out a hand to stop him. “Please, don’t cry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
He reaches for you again, and again you stop him. You can’t let him comfort you.
Not when he doesn’t realise he’s become the only person in this whole godforsaken, judgemental hellhole of a neighbourhood wasteland you have.
Your grandparents are dead, along with your mum. Your dad’s an abusive drunk, too far gone to remember he has a daughter. You don’t have any aunts or uncles or cousins to rely on, nor do you have any real friends.
You have no one, aside from Yoongi.
And now you won’t even have him.
So you can’t let him comfort you. Can’t let him see you break.
You can’t, you can’t, you can’t.
Because you don’t know if you’ll be able to put yourself back together without him if you do.
But a quiet, “Y/N, please,” imbued with pain you haven’t heard since a rainy August night leaves his lips. A last ditch effort to get you to look at him, to let him help.
And it breaks you completely, bursting into a million tiny pieces to match your heart on the floor.
An unrestrained sob falls from your mouth, and he pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you. Yours go to his neck as he drags you onto his lap, gripping tight.
He holds you through every whimper and hiccup and stuttered inhale and shudder. Through every muttered ‘please don’t go’ and ‘please don’t leave me,’ that escapes, stroking a hand along the back of your head and down your spine, soothing.
He whispers, “it’s okay. I’m right here. It’s okay,” on repeat with the motion. Over and over and over until only occasional sniffles and deep breaths remain.
You hug him tighter as you start to shiver, the warmth created from your breakdown beginning to wear off. Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to slide off his jacket and throw it over your shoulders. An instant cocoon of warm and comfort.
When his hands find their place back around your waist, he dares to speak.
“I got you.”
“I know.” And you do. Your voice is a little wobbly, as you’re unmoving from the embrace, but you most definitely do.
This is your Yoongi. The one you’ve come to know. To trust.
Of course he’s got you.
You use one of your long sleeves to dry your eyes and under your nose. With the nearing autumn weather, you’ve returned to occasionally wearing them.
“I’m sorry,” you breathe into his neck after a long beat of silence.
“What could you possibly be sorry for, Cattails?”
The return of your nickname has a grin threatening to emerge.
“For freaking out. I didn’t know that was going to happen.”
“Don’t be,” he says firmly. “I sprung that on you in such a shit way because I was in an even shittier mood. And you clearly weren’t prepared to hear it. I should’ve known better, so don’t you dare be sorry about anything,” he loosens his hold to pull back and look at you. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
You look down, hiding, not wanting him to see you like this.
“None of that,” he whispers, and brings a finger to your chin, tilting up.
It doesn’t meet much resistance.
Your eyes are still a bit swollen and patchy, but it’s the concern in his that makes you crack the smallest of smiles, if only to see his worry erased.
He already has enough on his plate. No need to add to it.
Not able to offer much more than a quirk of the lip, you’re relieved that it’s enough when he starts to wear one of his own.
It’s then you realise your position. Like the sight of it cleared your brain fog.
You’re kneeling over his lap, sitting on his thighs, face inches from his. One of his hands is holding your chin up while the other rests low on your waist, your own still loose around him.
So close, yet so far away.
Because he’s leaving.
And that thought alone allows you to throw caution to the goddamn window. It’s not going to matter once he’s gone, and you’ve wanted it to be with someone special.
He’s as special as they come.
Leaning forward, you close your eyes and the gap between the two of you.
Eyelids fluttering as your lips brush his. Soft, and gentle.
Like him.
You hold only long enough to make sure it counts before pulling back.
It’s funny, really.
It was just a few seconds, but you already find yourself wanting so much more with him. An unfamiliar but welcomed electric pulse finds itself running through your blood at the thought, and it makes you want his lips everywhere.
Your mouth, your jaw, your neck.
Anywhere he can reach.
Sparks pool inside you. Sparks and butterflies and fast flowing lava.
You let yourself relish in the glorious feeling for a single moment, before the reality of what you just did sinks in.
And then you’re scared.
Terrified, actually.
To open your eyes, see his face. His reaction.
What if he hated it? What if he’s never felt anything but platonic affection towards you and now you’ve gone and done this?
Sure, he’s leaving. But now that you think about it, does him leaving mean you’ll never see him again?
What if you just ruined everything?
Teeth sinking into the plush of your bottom lip, you take a peek.
For the second time today you feel your heart breaking, this time at the look on his face.
Is it shock? Or worse.
Disgust?
Doesn’t matter.
“I’m sorry,” you blurt. Not knowing what else to say.
“I’m sorry,” you say again, trying to get out of his hold, but he keeps you there. Unyielding. And you start rambling. “I shouldn’t have done that. You clearly don’t—It’s just that you’re leaving and I—“
Lips on yours shut you up.
It’s fervent and needy and passionate as he pulls you closer by the hips, desperately trying to get you as close to him as physically possible. Your nails drag over his scalp as your fingers snake through his blond locks. They elicit a delicious groan from his mouth that you consume with your own.
It’s the most intoxicating sound you’ve ever heard, and you want more of it. So you do it again, and again, and again.
He moves down your jaw and neck, sucking at the tender flesh near your pulse point, and your mouth drops open at the feeling.
You’ve always wondered, but…you didn’t know it could feel like this.
Every touch, every whisper, every press of his lips to yours feels amazing. He’s pulling pleasure out of places you wouldn’t have thought possible before him. And you never want to go back to not knowing.
The sweetest of whimpers leaves your mouth as he gently bites a soft spot, then soothing the glorious pain he created with the kindness of his tongue.
Yoongi swears to any god who will listen that he’ll do whatever they want so long as he gets to hear that sound repeatedly and for the rest of his life.
He returns to your lips and says, “come with me.”
You’re so focused on feeling that it takes a moment for his words to land. “What?”
“Leave with me. Let’s get the fuck outta here, and never look back, the both of us. Together.”
Yoongi looks so serious but..
He—he can’t be serious can he? 15 minutes ago he was going on and on about leaving and needing his key back and saying goodbye.
And now?
Sensing your hesitance, he punctuates each of the next three words with a kiss.
“Come. With. Me.”
It makes your answer arrive without really thinking. You don’t need to think. Not when you know deep in your newly reconstructed heart that it’ll always be the same whether you think about it or not.
So long as you’re with him, you know you’ll be,
“Okay.”
“Yeah?” He questions like he can’t believe it. Can’t believe you'd agree.
You make sure there isn’t a single doubt in his head as you look him dead in the eyes and confirm.
“Yes, Yoongi,” another kiss. “I’ll go with you.”
He pulls you into him for what feels like a million more under your shared willow tree.
Your salvation.
And you know they’re going to be the firsts of many, many more to come.
Three days later, and two bags packed full of all your earthly possessions, you’re on the back of Yoongi’s motorcycle.
In those three days he’s prepared everything else you’ll need. He’s gotten a cute leather jacket and helmet for you, some reading materials for the road, snacks, drinks. A place by his side for the foreseeable future.
In the same span of time, you’ve given him a home in your heart, someone he can rely on other than himself. Talk to, trust, experience life with.
Something he hasn’t had in nearly ten years.
Something he never wants to lose again.
He swings a leg over and you unclip the chain from your neck, handing him the key to the bike, to your now shared future.
Driving out of town—straight down Main Street—you watch as all the people you grew up with, who you almost destroyed yourself to fit in with, gawk.
Watch as they judge you for being with him, your best friend. For leaving, and not doing what they all expected of you.
For not being like one of them.
Because you’re not one of them.
You never have been.
And just like the dust that flies behind the wheels, you feel weightless, not giving a single fuck what they think for the first time in your life.
You don’t have to anymore.
You’re free.
A/N 3: Thanks for reading, loves. Xoxo, - Yoon <3
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KRD UTRUN: GMA Affordabox
October 29, 1961, DZBB Channel 7 went on the airwaves for the first time, 11 years after DZBB-AM's establishment. Only two cameras and an impromptu studio were the beginnings of GMA Network's TV broadcasts (Channel 7 turns 60 next year).
In the 1970's, the Jimenez-Gozon-Duavit triumvirate led the turnover of its leadership due to restrictions during the Martial Law and relaunched RBS into GMA Radio-Television Arts with top-caliber programming and technical upgrades. By 1980's, GMA has phased out its 30-kw surplus antenna transmitter in its studio facility in EDSA and upgraded its transmitting capacity through the inauguration of the 100-Kilowatt "Tower of Power" facility in Tandang Sora avenue. And in the 1990's, GMA has able to reach the entire Southeast Asian region through the Rainbow satellite, marking the beginning of its international reach; and venturing on to other platforms by formally relaunching its corporate identity as GMA Network.
At the turn of the millenium, GMA has inaugurated its 17-storey GMA Network Center and brought in international audiences through the launch of GMA Pinoy TV.
As NTC shifts its analog to digital broadcasts three years from now, broadcasters like GMA are gearing up for the next level of its TV viewing. The NTC adopts Japan's ISDB-T standard including the EWBS alerts for emergencies like earthquakes and typhoons.
At present, UHF broadcasters have already migrated their transmission to DTV such as:
-Zoe Broadcasting Network (2017)
-Eagle Broadcasting Corp., Gateway UHF Broadcasting, and Rajah Broadcasting Network (2018)
-Southern Broadcasting Network (2019)
These were ahead of the 2023 moratorium on abandoning analog broadcasts and moving to the digital bandwidth.
GMA launched its DTV broadcasts in December of 2017 (prior to its test broadcast phase in 2013 which originally used the DVB-T system until the Philippines has adopted the ISDB-T standard years later) through Channel 27 and broadcasts GMA and GMA News TV (then under a blocktime agreement with ZBN for its Ch. 11 broadcast). In June 2019, GMA's digital broadcast moved from Ch. 27 to Ch. 15 (to comply with the SFN memo by the NTC for mandatory-airing of digital channels allocated by all O&O VHF Channels nationwide to operate from Channels 14-20 as common carriers for SFN frequency or 475-513Mhz) as the former reactivated its analog broadcast for GNTV.
GMA has invested millions of pesos to set-up its digital television broadcast services nationwide since it renewed its broadcast franchise 3 years ago.
A year later, GMA's digital signal updated its configuration and started test broadcasts for its digital channel Heart of Asia which began regular programming on June 29th.
By May 2020, GMA Network stood the test of time since the archrival ABS-CBN shutted down free-tv and terrestrial radio broadcast, losing 40+ TV stations and more than 20 radio stations and it even denied its broadcast franchise renewal application. Leaving GMA in the competition with 83 TV stations both on VHF & UHF and more than 20 radio stations on AM & FM, while in the succeeding months, TV5 is making great again and targeting the rival GMA to end the broadcast network's monopoly in terms of ratings game and advertisers. TV5 broadcasts on 7 originating and 7 affiliates across the nation, while NBC operates on Free-TV and on FM with 7 originating and two affiliated stations on UHF under Channel 41 Manila and 6 relay FM stations under the Radyo5 92.3 News FM brand.
And so, the rest is history. June 26, 2020 (the date of EIC's 29th birthday), GMA, in time for its 70th founding anniversary, launched its newest digital blackbox product: GMA Affordabox. It gave a sneak preview on social media and it even made a test run through DTV Pilipinas. GMA Affordabox is a digital receiver which can receive local free-to-air digital channels in your area. GMA Affordabox can be viewed on either plug-and-play AV signal using the old AV plugs or the new way through HDMI signal using your HDMI cord.
WHERE TO WATCH GMA'S DIGITAL SIGNAL:
GMA Network's digital broadcasts available on GMA Affordabox includes the following-
1. GMA Network- the Kapuso network, airing top-notch shows like Eat Bulaga, Wowowin, and Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho; as well as relevant newscasts like 24 Oras; dramas from local and abroad; anime series; movies; and public affairs contents. Local programming is also sourced through the Regional TV feeds alongside the national feed.
2. GMA News TV- The country's No. 1 News Channel brings you news and current affairs lineup to keep you abreast with the developments here and abroad. There are also light entertainment shows and foreign dramas available on its schedule.
3. Heart of Asia- the only channel that airs past and present dramas from asia (plus future titles which will air exclusively on the channel) and are divided into three blocks: K-Feels features purely Korean drama series; Absolutely Asian has drama series from other asian countries like China, Japan, Thailand, and others; and Atinovelas airs previously-released drama titles from the GMA Entertainment library and are exclusively aired on the channel. There are also movie blocks on weekends such as Strictly Pinoy and Action Flicks on Saturdays features filipino movies released during the 2010's (Strictly Pinoy) and tagalized asian action movies (Action Flicks), Feel na Films and Screams on Screen every Sundays featuring tagalized movies showcasing emotions and love (Feel na Films) and horror (Screams on Screen). Heart of Asia is also available in some local cable providers as an add-on option for GMA Network to include the channel in their lineup depending on the reach of its service.
4. Hallypop- A one-of-a-kind Asian Pop Culture channel in the world based from the original Hallypop channel in the United States of America and broadcasts under a partnership with US-based entertainment distribution company Jungo TV. The channel features the best Korean entertainment shows (Music Bank, KPOP Star, JYP’s Party People, and the longest-running reality show Running Man), Music Videos (StarGazeMuzik), and international contents (Hally Stage, Sidewalk Talk).
(COVERED BY GMA MANILA SIGNAL VIA CH. 15)
-Mega Manila (including Cavite, Laguna, Bulacan, and Rizal)
(COVERED BY GMA BATANGAS RELAY SIGNAL VIA CH. 32)
-Batangas
-Quezon
(COVERED BY GMA DAGUPAN SIGNAL VIA CH. 38)
-Benguet
-Pangasinan
-La Union
-Tarlac
-Nueva Ecija
-Pampanga
-Zambales
(COVERED BY GMA CEBU SIGNAL VIA CH. 26)
-Cebu
-Bohol
-Leyte
(COVERED BY GMA DAVAO SIGNAL VIA CH. 37)
-Davao Del Norte
-Davao de Oro
-Davao Del Sur
(areas not mentioned are SOON TO FOLLOW for the availability of GMA's digital signal and GMA Affordabox)
GMA Affordabox has other features unmatched by archrival TVPlus: a USB Media Player, and exclusive PVR to record any Kapuso shows and newscasts in any of GMA's channels.
Plus, all digital channels (FREE-TO-AIR) can be received in a non-encrypted signal since this product doesn't have its CAS (Conditional Access System) feature, a system that encrypts digital signals preventing users from watching in some digiboxes and avoiding such signals from unauthorized use.
Another features included are the nationwide EWBS and its auto-on alert feature for any unexpected calamities through its alarm sound that will activate promptly on your Affordabox in any GMA channels.
At present, all GMA channels are unencrypted and can be viewed on all digiboxes. GMA Affordabox costs at P888 (one-time payment, SRP, no monthly fees) and is available online (via GMAStore and authorized resellers on Lazada and Shopee) and in most retail stores (appliance stores, electronic supply stores, and electric retail stores that are authorized distributors or dealers) where GMA's digital signal is serviceable.
Since its launch, GMA Affordabox has sold like a bunch of Pandesal fresh-from-the-oven and exceeded 600,000 units in its 1st week of its launch that led to these physical and online stores to sold them out. A new batch of units are now out as more people eagerly wanted to buy these online and in-store.
WHAT'S INSIDE THE BOX?
-GMA Affordabox unit
-RCA Cable
-Installation guide, User Manual, and Warranty card
-Remote control w/ battery pack (supplied 2 AAA batteries)
-Stock antenna
WARRANTY PERIOD:
-For the Affordabox unit: 1 year
-For the accesories including Remote control, RCA cable, and stock antenna: 30 days
GMA Affordabox plugs in to your old or new TV set (either through AV setup using RCA cables or through HDMI setup using a separate HDMI cable) and watch it in a superior clearer images and crisper sound quality as done by engineers behind the product. A feature in this new product is the USB Media Player where you can watch movies, view photos, and listen to music or audio materials using your USB drive. With an exclusive Personal Video Recorder (PVR) feature using your USB drive, you can record any show or highlights from GMA channels using Affordabox.
(NOTE: USB Flash Drives or External hard drives with USB plug is required to access contents. Storage capacity should not exceed 500GB and it should have FAT32 or NTFS File system compatible to your drive. Recording shows is also required when using these devices, unless it may not cover copyrighted content in any GMA channels included in the Affordabox lineup)
From time-to-time, GMA Affordabox releases new software updates for important patch notes, system improvements and enhancements, and bug fixes; and are both available over-the-air and through a USB upgrade (which can be accessed and downloaded via the software update link available at www.gmaafordabox.com).
SOFTWARE UPDATE INSTRUCTIONS-TWO WAYS:
1st Method: OTA Update
(Update installation may last at about 5 minutes)
1. A prompt message will appear on your screen asking you to update your software. Press OK to continue and it will reboot the box.
2. You will see the update screen upon reboot and it will download the file and install afterwards. DON'T TURN OFF THE BOX WHILE IT IS UPDATING.
3. When the update has successfully installed, the box will reboot and you'll get back to your normal viewing.
2nd Method: USB Upgrade
(Update installation may last between 1-2 minutes)
1. You can obtain an update file by downloading it on the GMA Affordabox website (a pop-up message will appear on the website for any new software update available) and save it in your USB drive.
2. After you inserted the USB drive on your Affordabox unit, go to Settings and select System then choose Software Update and go to USB Upgrade.
3. You will see an upgrade file on the list and if found, select the file and select OK to install the update file.
4. The box will reboot and the update screen appears. This will install the update. DON'T TURN OFF THE BOX OR REMOVE THE USB DRIVE WHILE IT IS UPDATING.
5. After installing all the files, the box will reboot and you may now safely remove the USB drive before going back to your normal viewing.
The digibox is assembled and made in China by QiSheng Electronics Company Limited and is engineered and designed by GMA Network through GMA New Media, Inc.
UNBOXING AND TEST RUN
GMA Affordabox is now a best-seller in online stores so i don't want to miss this chance to buy this one. Shipping may be dependent on location and timeframe due to Community Quarantine and it may done earlier than expected. Thanks to J&T for providing a wide network of branches and distribution centers in order to deliver these items in a safe and secured manner. And so, the unit arrived on August 19, 2 weeks after i ordered on Shopee on August 4.
The package has an invoice! Wow, they did it on time and no more questions asked! This box has all items inside. Prior to Affordabox, i already purchased the HDMI Cable from Daiso worth P188 (you can own your HDMI Cable available in electronic supply and hardware stores depending on the class and quality). Now, on the test run of the unit, i plugged in the BRL Antenna, and HDMI source to the unit before cranking it up. On the first use of Affordabox, an installation guide appears on-screen prompting you to select your area before scanning channels (this is in order to receive EWBS alerts in your area in the event of an unexpected calamity).
The signal in Affordabox is very high because of its High Definition video quality (1080p) than the usual SD quality in the RCA cable (analog video signal or 480p). You may check the test run results of the scanned channels below:
GMA (479.143) 94/100 POSITIVE
CNN Philippines (503.143) 100/75 POSITIVE
ZBNI (509.143) 60/100 POSITIVE
LIGHT TV (587.143) 60/100 POSITIVE
MEDIASCAPE/TV5 (695.143) 88/100 POSITIVE
(The rest are NEGATIVE due to unstable signal reach in our neighborhood)
This PVR feature can record shows or segments like Eat Bulaga's Bawal Judgmental which is pre-taped after the live show (Thursdays-Saturdays) and recorded in advance during EB's timeslot for later viewing. The USB Media Player can play certain movies in a corrective frame rate since some movie files have an incorrect frame rate that can cause visuals and audio parts out of sync. It can also become an audio companion too since it plugs on an audio system (for music and recording purposes) that is sourced from the audio cables (RCA).
GMA Affordabox has its contact center for your concerns and technical support about the product. You may contact through:
-Metro Manila hotline: (02) 8857 4627
-Outside Metro Manila: 09612529393
-Social media: @GMAaffordabox
-Website: www.gmaaffordabox.com
(Contact numbers OPEN from 8am-10pm)
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