#just... the whole thing is not happening in a bubble and involves multiple people and both the neolibs and cons

[bring-forth-his-sac]

All The Way

Summary: You’ve always told yourself the reason you would never hook up with Negan is because of his uncommitted, womanizer personality, but after a steamy night together, the tables turn and you’re the one running.

Is this the aftermath of a one night stand, or the beginning of something new?

Pairing: Saviors Era Negan x f!reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Tags: !NSFW! smut, one night stand, morning after, emotionally stunted idiots in love, hypocrisy, alcohol consumption, shame and conflicting emotions

Everything hurts... well, one area in particular. 

Without moving, you know he’s there. His steady breath against the side of your neck tells you he’s still asleep, having not moved an inch from the night before. 

There’s a part of you that’s truly relieved to have woken up first. You didn’t really think this part through but making sure he stays asleep seems like a good start.

Despite the warm bed practically begging you to stay, you cautiously slide yourself out from the sheets. You keep your movements slow and practical, taking as much time as necessary to remove Negan’s arm from your torso.

There’s not a doubt in your mind that Negan would make this whole ‘morning after’ thing a living nightmare for you, and so taking your leave now is the best solution.

Once you grab your clothes, the rest is easy. Hiking your panties and jeans back up, you notice two empty glasses on his nightstand. You remember only having one drink last night but you nursed it throughout, wanting to take the edge off. 

Negan had about two glasses of whiskey, which made him more talkative than usual — if that’s even possible. What started off as you venting to him, slowly turned into him venting to you and then, somehow, you both ended up bed.

As much as you want to regret your choices, you can’t. There’s something undeniably magnetic about Negan, a charisma that pulls you in like a moth to a flame. His laughter is contagious and when he flashes you that big grin, the rest of the world fades away. 

That’s what last night felt like, as if it was just the two of you left in the world, too busy enjoying your bubble of shared giggles to care. Even with his reputation as a womanizer, you can’t help but feel a warmth in your chest when his attention is on you.

You know Negan wouldn’t hurt you on purpose but he’s a man with not just one, but multiple wives. He has always been vocal about having no issue with getting more wives but that just isn’t you. 

Up until last night, that’s why you were hesitant to get involved with him. It’s why you would ignore the glimmer in his eyes whenever he looked at you, chalking it up to being a part of his game.

Now that the inevitable has finally happened, here you are, scrambling to cover your tracks and trying to erase the memories of the night before. You already know that you’ll be another notch on his bedpost, another woman for him to smirk at in the hallways as you both reminisce about your short lived fling. 

Congrats, you're just another woman Negan successfully talked into bed. 

Sure, you held out a lot longer than most but it still happened. You can feel your cheeks warming up as you sneak out of his room and down the corridor. Skipping some of the steps as you hop down the stairs, you let out a long sigh…

Negan licked his lips, his voice low and husky. “You’re so beautiful when you let yourself go, Sweetness,” he encouraged, his hand moving to cup one of your breasts. As he scattered light kisses up the side of your face, he promised to make up for the “damn shitty day” you had dealing with some of the other Saviors.

Nope. You shake your head, snapping yourself back to the present. Last night is something you do not need to replay in your head. 

When you make it to the lower level of the Sanctuary, you’re met with swarms of people going about their daily business. Shit, you don’t even know what time it is!

Walking swiftly to the makeshift cafeteria, you ignore the dull ache in your lower stomach. The humid air clings to your skin, making your clothes stick uncomfortably.

As you pass the workers already prepping for lunch, you realise you’ve completely missed breakfast. A grunt escapes your lips as you see no food, not even any scraps left from the morning rush. 

Once you both made it to the bed, clothes were carelessly tossed everywhere. “Now, how about we move onto the main course, hm?” he smirked, his hand sliding down your body and teasingly brushing against your sensitive folds “That what you want, baby?”.

Negan chuckled at your eager moan in response, his fingers finally entering your wet heat. He pumped his fingers in and out, stretching your tight opening and making you perform a symphony of whimpers. He was in no hurry, knowing he had all night to take his time. Negan brought his mouth to your ear, whispering the filthiest sweet nothings you’ve ever heard.

Shaking your head, you almost tell yourself out loud to stop. Yes, it’s a good idea to think about something else to distract yourself from the hunger but don’t think about that!

Negan groaned, his cock finally pressing against your entrance. Slowly, he pushed inside, filling you up. You gasped, clutching the bedsheet beneath you as he went deeper. Negan was there to comfort you, his determination unrelenting as he put his hand on top of yours, silently reassuring you that he was there with you – all the way.

Goddammit. 

Reminding yourself about last night will only make it worse whenever you inevitably see Negan. In fact, that’ll only give him the satisfaction he wants!

Frowning at yourself, you make your way outside. The blinding sun doesn’t bother you as much as it usually does, your mind too preoccupied by the simple task of trying to walk straight. But your distracted state doesn’t last long.

“Hey!” One of the newer Saviors jogs up to you and you try to remember his name “I thought you were going on watch an hour ago”. 

“Oh, shit,” you run a hand down your face “sorry about that, I’m all over the place today”. You give a small laugh, hoping to ease things over quickly. 

He huffs but doesn’t contest your excuse, simply passing you the rifle slung over his shoulder “Well, here. You’re on until dinner. DJ said he’ll watch the northern side so you’re by the fence on the east side, got it?”.

Fantastic. Now you’re going to miss lunch too.

“Hey,” the Savior snaps you out of your thoughts before you can wander too far “you with me?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah” you reply, hoisting the rifle over your shoulder “I’m good”. You give him a firm nod, trying to seem less distracted. 

“Alright, shouldn’t be that hard, y’gotta just watch the fence” he also nods, giving you a once over before he starts to walk away.

With a tight lipped smile, you stroll over to your position. 

His thrusts got harder, his fingers digging into the plush of your hips as he pushes the entirety of his cock into you, over and over again. Negan’s other hand slid down between your legs, teasing your clit. "Like I got heaven wrapped around my dick,” Negan panted heavily as he grasped your thigh, pulling your leg up firmly against his shoulder. 

“Oh god,” you gasped, your back arching off the bed. 

“Fuck, I've wanted to be buried in your sweet cunt for so long. Who’s making you moan, baby? Tell me who…” 

It’s a miracle you didn’t drop dead right then and there as the memories flash before your eyes. If you can’t even think back to last night without getting all flustered, how will you handle it when Negan is purposefully trying to get under your skin?

You shift uncomfortably at what your future encounters with Negan might be like. A small voice in the back of your mind sows seeds of doubt. Maybe the other women who Negan has managed to catch in his venus flytrap will be able to tell you’re the newest casualty that landed in his snare. 

Maybe they’ll show pity or maybe they’ll just be glad he’s done toying with you and hope he might go back to showing one of them attention instead…

No memories come flooding back this time, the dread of seeing him again overwhelming you. Wandering off to one of the quieter parts of the fence, the levity of your impulsive decision starts to set in. 

Mindlessly playing with the strap of the rifle, you wonder if you could stay out here until night or if it’s possible to avoid him forever. 

“Fuck…” you curse yourself.  

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

For the first time in a long time, Negan has a smile on his face when he wakes up. Despite all he has in this new world order, this is a rarity for him.

He may not know what’ll happen today, tomorrow, next week or even next year but he’s damn sure he knows who’s beside him now.

Negan doesn’t need to open his eyes to know it’s already late in the day. But who could blame him for sleeping in? Especially with the workout you both had last night.

He bucked up into you as you bounced on his cock, meeting you each time. “That’s it, baby” Negan cooed, driving his hips up erratically “Wanna feel ya squeeze me". 

He smiles at the fond memories, hoping to make some new ones once you have some food first. He’s well aware you’ll both need the energy.

Negan sprawls his arm across his bed, trying to feel for your warm body. Funnily enough, he always pegged you as a cuddler but the lack of spooning tells him otherwise.

His eyebrows knit together as he runs his arm across the bed again, unable to find you. Negan begrudgingly opens his eyes, expecting to see you somewhere on the bed but he’s greeted by empty sheets. This doesn’t dampen his mood though, if anything, it makes him think he’s picked a real winner.

You’re already up and going to grab him some breakfast downstairs? Negan knows he’s being spoiled.

"Fuck, you’re incredible," Negan groaned against your lips, his body shuddering with the force of his orgasm. 

A smug smile spreads across his face. Perfect. Everything is perfect. Except, if he’s to nitpick, there’s a lack of smell.

There’s no mouth watering waft of bacon reaching his nose or smell of eggs gracing his morning. Though, Negan is quick to dismiss his concerns, chalking it up to you taking your sweet ass time so you don’t drop the food on the way up to his room.

He stretches out, going full spread eagle as he lays naked and waiting. A part of him still can’t believe you finally let last night happen. If you were to ask him, Negan thinks you both did that whole ‘will they, won’t they’ thing for far too long. It was about time he got to give you a good show.

And now you can both eat some breakfast when you get back, fuck again, then Negan knows he’ll probably have to shout at some pricks, make sure Simon can handle shit for the day and afterwards, fuck you yet again. 

Now, that sounds like one fantastic day to him. 

Negan closes his eyes as he waits, feeling a strange wave of peace that he hasn’t felt in years, even when the world was still working. He thinks of you, your body, the way you came undone again and again — all thanks to him.

You stayed on his lap despite your juices seeping down from your core and leaving a glaze on Negan’s thighs. He kept his arms around you the whole time, rubbing your back soothingly. His hands slowly drifted down to your ass, gently squeezing and massaging as you rested on top of him. 

“You feel so good,” Negan murmured, his voice hoarse from exertion. 

“I don’t think I’ve been fucked that good since… well, since forever” You said honestly, pressing your lips to his. Rolling you on to your side, Negan let his duvet envelop you both. You moaned softly as you felt him slowly softening inside you.

“You give me a few minutes to recharge and I’ll be ready for round… three? Four?” Negan raised an eyebrow, the passion of the night blurring together. You giggled, tracing a finger down the side of his face “Pretty sure it’s round three. You sure you’ll be able to keep up?”.

Negan gave you a glare. “Damn right I am” he said, his voice filled with playful determination.

“Boss? I know you’re not dead because you’re not trying to bite my face off,” the not so sexy voice of Simon wakes him. 

Negan grunts, opening an eye to look at his second in command as he subtly makes sure his body is covered under the sheets.

“There a reason you’re trying to perv on me, Si?” he huffs, running a hand down his face. Your absence doesn’t go unnoticed by Negan, even with the abrupt interruption of Simon. 

Simon stays rooted at the door frame, not daring to enter his bedroom any further. “Well, the lieutenants have been up my ass wondering where you are and nobody else has seen you today so I thought I’d come check on ya… seems like you had quite the mighty night” he replies.

Negan nods, a smirk on his face as he can’t help but brag, his bruised ego from you leaving slowly recovering. “What do you expect from a guy that has more wives than shits to give?” his grin says it all.

Simon barks out a laugh, letting a short silence simmer before eventually sighing. 

“Funny, I already checked with them,” he reveals “and I’m sure those girls are fun… but they said they haven’t seen you since yesterday afternoon”. 

Negan hums, losing some of his friendliness. He hates when Simon does this. Just because he’s second in command doesn't mean he needs to overstep. Sometimes minding his own damn business is the preferable option. 

Letting his head fall back on to his pillow, Negan lets out a groan. “What time is it?” he makes a poor attempt to change the subject.

“Just past five”.

“Are you fuckin’ shitting me?” Negan grunts, huffing as he reluctantly moves. Shifting, he lets the blankets pool around his waist as he scans the floor for his clothes. 

“You waited this fucking long before coming to check everything’s alright?” He starts to lecture Simon, reaching out to yank his boxers up from the floor. 

Simon faces the door to give him some privacy. “Thought you’d need the sleep, boss,” he replies “and it looks like I was right considering you were sleeping like a log when I came in”.

Negan snorts, muttering curses under his breath as he pulls his jeans on. “Well, thank you for your concern, Si” he grumbles, his tone sharp with sarcasm. 

He stands, fumbling with his belt. “But the next time my ass isn’t downstairs for the morning meeting, you come get me. Hell, what if something was going on? Could’ve been a fucking riot for all I know” Negan continues to rant on.

Simon shrugs, his gaze trained on Negan now that he has some modesty “Everyone’s fine. No one’s started a mutiny yet.”

Negan lets out a long breath, not bothering to hide the irritation creeping into his voice. “Yeah, well, just cause it’s fine doesn’t mean shit’s smooth” He grabs a shirt from the pile of clothes on his armchair and pulls it on, the fabric rough against his skin. 

Negan runs a hand through his hair, snatching his leather jacket before pacing towards the door. He reaches out to grab Lucille and Simon moves just in time for Negan to pass by without a word. Left standing there, Simon watches as Negan storms off, his mind clearly elsewhere.

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

It’s just after dinner when he appears. You’ve slowly started to relax, the hot meal you decided to splurge your points on making you ease into the evening. And of course, just as your guard comes down is when Negan has to make an appearance.

Like a wave, all residents of the Sanctuary kneel as Negan bodes overhead, making his way along one of the high up walkways. You have to force your body to join the crowd.

Head down, knee bent and unmoving.

You act as if your tyrannical (and great in the sac) leader is a dinosaur that can sense movement. Or fear.

You stay still. Everyone simply waits. 

Negan stands tall, Lucille present over his shoulder as he peers down, trying to pick you out from the crowd. He scans his sea of followers, a frown slowly settling on his face. The more Negan thinks about it, the more apparent his annoyance is. 

After making him wait for so long, you just vanish the next morning? Not even a thank you? Negan huffs.

He has a goddamn empire to run, the last thing he needs to be dealing with is non-committed people; whether that be Saviors who can’t deal with shit when they need to or you deciding to high tail it out of his bedroom.

You can feel your legs shake, the pounding you got last night not helping your need to stay still. The more you try to force your body still, the more it yearns to move. 

The silence stretches on until finally, Negan speaks “Alright, listen up you fuckers”. 

You shut your eyes. Great, this is exactly what you need. A speech.

“I know shit’s been tough but hey, look at us! Persevering. Ain’t that the life, huh? We are doing good!” He exclaims, his eyes trying to study each person, a task that’s harder than it sounds when most refuse to look him in the eye “And I want each and every one of you to know, I am getting the job done for you! I’m getting my hands dirty, no matter how tight it might get. I go all in”.

You can’t help but shift, slightly uncomfortable at his wording. Suddenly his speeches have a certain edge to them.

His eyes immediately go to you, watching as you roll your shoulders, head remaining down. Negan smirks, no longer caring about speeches now that he’s won his game of Where’s Waldo.

“So let’s not waste any more time. Keep it tight, keep it hot and keep fuckin’ moving. Go!” he quickly wraps it up.

By the time everyone has scrambled back up to their feet, Negan’s on the stairs. His boots clank under each step, like a warning bell going off every time he moves closer. You stand and look, his eyes meeting yours in a stare off like no other.

His mouth juts out into a pout, his gaze hard and unwavering. You’d almost find the look endearing if it wasn’t directed at you.

Spinning on your heels, you rush out of the open room and into the smaller corridors of the Sanctuary. You don’t need to have some awkward confrontation, especially in a crowded room. It’s too exposing, even if the others don’t catch on to what’s happened between you both. 

You weave through the corridors of the Sanctuary, purposefully making your direction confusing. You go up some stairwells just to dart along the floor and go back down the other set of stairs on the opposite side of the building. The last thing you want is Negan to follow you.

Your footsteps echo off the cold concrete floor. The dim overhead lights casts long, flickering shadows that play tricks on your eyes. The air feels suffocating but when you stop and listen for any following footsteps, the stillness only deepens and the silence stays. 

It takes a while but eventually you manage to loop around and make it back to your room. Some Saviors mill around but you take no notice, so close to the only place in this godforsaken building you can stop running and actually breathe.

In your room, you’ll have time to think, time to plan out what to do next and how to get past everything that has happened.

You open your door, a long huff pre-emptively leaving your lips at the stresses of the day. But it’s not over yet.

There, Negan stands in the middle of your room, glancing your way as the door opens. After all that, you walk straight to him.

“W-what are you doing here?” you ask as if he doesn’t have the right to waltz into any room in his Sanctuary.

“What do you think?” he scoffs “Knew you’d come running in here to hide from me”. Negan takes a few steps closer, glaring down at you as he gently pushes the door shut with Lucille. 

That suffocating feeling comes back, running up your spine and wrapping around your throat. It’s a heavy weight when you lay eyes on Negan and the first thing you want to do is run. It doesn’t matter how silly or embarrassing it may be, the idea still seems enticing.

Yet despite your nervous disposition, Negan smirks, smug to have caught you off guard.

You freeze, unsure what to do now that you’re within Lucille’s range. Even with all that has happened between you both in the past 24 hours, you know better than to relax when Lucille is so close.

“So what’s the deal? Couldn’t even stick around to have a bedroom rodeo the morning after?” Negan says, his tone utterly mocking.

You eye the bat and unfortunately, he notices.

He lets out the ghost of a chuckle as he adds “Damn, doll, now you got me wondering if you’re that scared of commitment or maybe your scared you’ve upset dear ol’ Lucille here”.

You know Negan well enough to understand what he wants. He’s egging you on, yearning for you to blow up in his face and give him the argument he desires. It’s frustrating to know that’s his angle but what makes it worse is that you give in.

“You’re going to act as if I’m the problem?” your temper flares at his audacity “Act as if I’m the one who’s scared of commitment?! Really, Mr-Ten-Wives?”.

Negan narrows his eyes, not appreciating that comment but keeping his mocking tone nonetheless. “It’s six wives, actually. And if you took the time to actually get to know me instead of just wanting to get into my pants, maybe you’d know that” his voice is laced with sarcasm. 

At this point, there’s little holding you back from socking him in his handsome face. How dare he! First, his issue was that you wouldn’t jump into bed with him but now he’s acting as if that’s all you wanted?!

Even if there's a part of you that might be afraid of commitment, the idea of Negan of all people calling you out on it feels wrong. 

It doesn't matter if he’s right, he’s being an asshole. The last thing you want to do now is concede his point, especially when Negan will only see it as a victory thanks to his taunting.

“So what?” you throw your hands up as you begin to pace, wanting some distance from him “You wanted me to stay this morning so I could listen to you snore and then stroke your ego when you finally wake up?”.

Letting Lucille rest against the wall, Negan shrugs.

“Well, I was kinda thinking you could stroke something else,” he smirks, thinking back to how he imagined the morning going. Negan chuckles, his tongue running over his teeth as he gets lost in his fantasy. You glare, not wanting to even think about what’s going through his head.

His eyes flicker over you for a moment, sighing when he sees your stern expression. 

Pushing his lewd thoughts away, he continues “Look, sweetheart, we both know I'm not winning any ‘Lover of the Year' awards when it comes to the emotional side of things, but at least I don't skedaddle when things get too real".

This is the part of Negan you equally love and hate; his honesty. Given his larger-than-life persona, you'd expect his ego to stop him from accepting when he's wrong but instead, Negan possesses the rare ability known as humility.

It’s one not many Saviors seem to possess but that’s what lends weight to Negan’s opinion, making it harder to dismiss as the musings of an egomaniac. Besides the rare occasion, you know when Negan confronts you on something, he tends to have a point.

That doesn’t make this any easier. If anything, it makes you want to dig your heels in more. If he’s going to hold a mirror up to your own flaws, why not do the same to him?

"And if I did skedaddle,” you admit flippantly, “have you thought that maybe it’s because I didn’t want to be waking up next to a grown ass man that’s scared of being vulnerable? Of letting anyone get too close or of actually feeling anything!”.

Negan’s face hardens, his jaw becoming rigid. For a moment, you’re glad he’s no longer holding Lucille.

"You think I’m scared of feeling?” his voice drops low, dark with a mix of anger and something else “Sweetheart, I’ve been through hell and back. Damn fuckin’ right I’m careful who I let in."

A silence stretches between you, thick and heavy. You don’t fire back with some snappy retort just to fill the space. Instead, you look at him, quiet for a long moment, then finally murmur, "But you let me in".

Neither of you speak, allowing for the tension to shift. The sharp look in your eyes loses its power. The anger starts to soften around you both, like a storm that has run its course. 

It’s as if the brief pause pulls you out of the whirlwind, giving you time to stop before you say something you can’t take back. A tiny, flickering awareness that this fight is pointless hits you both.

“I did,” Negan agrees after a moment “course I trust you, baby. Hell, even after this shit, I know I can still turn to you”.

You sigh, allow your vulnerable side to rear its head. You wrap your arms around yourself as you think before you speak.

“Negan, you know I like you and I had a good time last night…” you try to get the words out “but it’s a lot, y’know? I don’t want last night to fuck up our friendship and I’m not the type of girl to get involved with a guy that has te– six wives”.

His lips tug up but this time it isn’t a smirk. It’s a small smile as he comes closer, his hands stretched out as he gently takes hold of your arms. “Hate to break it to ya, but you already involved yourself with a guy like that,” there’s a sincerity in his eyes and you can’t help but want to give him every benefit of a doubt.

“Good news is…” he continues “you picked one handsome motherfucker to get involved with, darlin’”.

You give a quick laugh but you don’t deny his claim. Nor do you try to break free from his grasp. 

This isn’t like before. Neither of you rush it. In fact, it seems like the opposite of your first time with Negan. This isn’t an intense bout of passion. This is relaxed, a comfort between you both as your lips met in a tentative kiss.

The lingering frustration dissolves with each passing second. Negan’s hands move up and cup your face tenderly as your lips meet over and over again, parting gently to allow your tongues to dance together.

The kiss is slow, a sensuous exploration that sends warmth through you. Your breaths mingle, hearts beating faster as you once again get lost in each other.

Acting on instinct, your hands go for his jacket, easing it off his shoulders as you blindly guide him towards your bed. Negan goes for your jeans, popping open the button before slowly drawing the zipper down.

Clothes scatter the room, shoes getting kicked off and t-shirts being flung onto the floor. 

In one swift motion, Negan grasps your hips and brings you down onto the bed. You land softly among the blankets and pillows, a surprised laugh escaping your lips. 

“You gonna make it up to me for your disappearing act?” Negan asks, leaning over you as he leaves rough kisses along your neck. 

“Depends,” you run your hands through his hair “you gonna make it up to me for breaking into my room?”.

He chuckles, the low rumbling sending pleasant vibrations tingling across your skin. “I guess we’ll be here for a while then…” he replies, his eyes finding yours before he continues down further.

And just like that, you end up exactly where you were the night before, unable to resist the temptation that is Negan.

As he kisses down from your collar bone to in between your breasts you try to give yourself some credit. Technically, this isn’t the exact same predicament as the night before.

This time, it’s your bed.

[nburkhardt]

Somebody Loves You, You Got a Friend (part 5)

Other parts: one, two, three, four.

I know I said in the last part we’re meeting the CC boys, but I forgot about this. So we get a bit of what’s happening outside of Steddie’s bubble! (We’re fast forwarding a bit, Steve’s like five-six months along. Also if anything doesn’t seem accurate to real life, pls ignore that oh and the show timeline…don’t look too closely pls 🫡)

Being in a small town is still sometimes stupid, Steve will always say this. Because of how fucking true it is.

It wasn’t too long ago when all the town could talk about was “poor Joyce Byers, her youngest is dead” and then found alive it switched immediately to “poor Barbra Holland, just so young” and now? Now it’s his family.

Thankfully the rumors and gossip is about his father leaving suddenly and not about him being pregnant at sixteen.

Currently he’s hiding his tiny baby bump, because according to the doctors, he’s thirteen weeks along and the other day he noticed his stomach rounding out. So, he’s taken up to wearing a bit bigger shirts and sweaters. Since the doctors and his mom told him scent blockers can be harmful, he’s had to stop taking them.

Instead, he helps mask his scent with Eddie’s scent.

“How you feeling today?” Eddie whispers to him, as he subtly scents him.

He shrugs and notices Nancy and Jonathan staring at him, turning away, “the nausea is better today, I think. Right now I’m really wanting a cheese pizza oh, and a chocolate brownie”

Eddie laughs and pushes him just enough to start walking, “good thing it’s lunch, then?”

They make their way out of the school, Steve hearing multiple people whispering about them but ignoring it. It’s not new that he’s friends with Eddie, plus he isn’t really ‘King Steve’ anymore either. If anything, being popular was a huge disappointment.

As they reach his car, they hear someone shouting Steve’s name. Confused, and not finding anyone immediately, Steve’s a little surprised to see that Nancy and Jonathan followed them.

“Um, what’s up?”

Nancy looks between him and Eddie then narrows her eyes, like she’s trying to figure something out. “We wanted to talk to you about something”

Confused even more, he looks between the other couple before glancing at Eddie, who’s just as confused. “Ok? Can’t you say it in front of Eddie?”

Jonathan shook his head, “uh, we can’t- probably shouldn’t. It’s- it’s about my brother”

That’s when it clicks, it’s about the stupid Upside Down.

Again.

Shaking his head, he hopes they can’t tell his scent is spiking with anxiety. Eddie immediately picks up on it though, “Stevie, we should leave before our lunch break is over, yeah?”

Thank god for Eddie.

“He’s right and I really want some pizza, maybe another time?” He’s lying, there’s not going to be a next time for as long as he can ignore them. He can’t be involved with them anymore, especially with the tiny life growing inside of him. “Come on, Eds”

Eddie gives the other two a blinding manic smile before climbing inside the car and Steve just smiles and then they’re gone.

They drive to the closest diner that serves pizza and brownies.

They’re in the furthest corner of the whole place and hidden behind a wall, giving them the privacy they’ve been wanting. Steve’s not at all hiding the fact that he’s scenting Eddie and Eddie has a hand on his stomach underneath the sweatshirt.

“You know, I was told you can’t feel anything yet. There’s like a few more weeks, then apparently you’ll be able to feel them moving and kicking” he whispers against Eddie’s neck, “have I told you I love your scent?”

The alpha chuckled, “yeah? Your scent is better, it’s even sweeter now”

Shaking his head, he sits up and looks at Eddie, “it changed?”

Before Eddie can answer, the pizza is there. Along with two brownies, which Steve immediately grabs a slice. “Uh yep, I never realized how good this was” he nearly moans at the pizza, then he eyes the brownie and grabs a piece.

“You aren’t-“

Nodding, he puts part of the brownie on top of his pizza and takes a bite. An overly satisfied smile on his face, causing Eddie to laugh and shake his head. They eat mostly in silence, especially since the omega is happily eating the pizza with the brownie on top.

It’s only once they’re back in Steve’s car heading back, when he remembers. “Hey, you said my scent changed. What does it smell like now?”

Eddie lets out a hum, leaning over and taking in his scent before answering, “there’s a hint of I think cinnamon? It’s really faint, I only notice it when we’re scenting each other”

“I’ll ask my mom about it, this is still all outta my knowledge. I knew some of it but there’s things I didn’t know. Like, your scent is overly calming to me? It’s weird, I mean, before even back when you shoved me in my car at that party, I really liked it but it didn’t calm me down.” He explained as he parked but didn’t move to get out, instead turned to face Eddie, “I already knew the basics for pregnancy and all that. But apparently the baby will be able to hear both of us? It’s so weird. This is weird”

Eddie laughed, reaching over to grab his hand, “it’s metal as fuck, pretty boy. You’re growing a human, like right now. I know it’s not what we wanted but, I’ll be honest, I’m so damn lucky it’s you.”

Almost immediately, his eyes start to sting as tears well up, rubbing at his eyes, he laughs before shaking his head. “Please don’t make me cry, you sappy alpha.”

Eddie grins, “Your sappy alpha, princess.”

A Week Later

The Harrington house is quiet and all three people are currently asleep. It’s only eight in the morning on a Sunday anyway.

Steve has his face shoved by Eddie’s neck, arms wrapped around the alpha and their legs tangled together, peacefully sleeping. Eddie’s just as peaceful, with one arm holding Steve close and the other is thrown over his eyes.

Steve’s mom, Janet, is waking up only because of their annoying doorbell going off. She huffs, pulling on a robe and stopping by Steve’s room to see the boys still asleep.

The bell rings again and she sighs, pulling their door shut before making her way to the front door to be met with Nancy Wheeler.

“Hello, can I help you?” She never formally met Steve’s ex-girlfriend. She was too busy helping her ex-husband.

The teen is shocked to see her, clearly and she doesn’t know how to school her emotions yet, because the girl looks disappointed that she answered the door, “uh- yes, i’m here to talk to Steve?”

Frowning, “I’m sorry but Steve is asleep right now, is this important?”

She can tell Nancy’s an alpha that hasn’t figured out a way to control her emotions, because the girl is still disappointed and it seems frustrated, “I just need to talk to Steve, you’re his mom, right?”

“I am, and I won’t be waking him up just for a chat. You can come back later or wait until school tomorrow” she’s just as frustrated, if not more. This is the girl that called her son ‘bullshit’ and she doesn’t ever want to see that sadness and that self-doubt in Steve again.

She watches as Nancy clench’s her jaw before trying and failing to school her face and straighten up, “I’m sorry ma’am, but this is important enough to wake him up. It- it’s about Will Byers and-“

Janet shakes her head and gives a sharp smile, “My son isn’t the police or involved with what happened to Will Byers and I won’t be waking him up just to see his ex-girlfriend.” And promptly shuts the door before Nancy can say anything else.

If she listens closely, she can hear Nancy let out a frustrated huff and walking away.

Shaking her head she doesn’t bother going back to sleep, goes into the kitchen to start on breakfast since the night before Steve mentioned craving pancakes.

The smell of bacon and pancakes is what helps wake Steve up, the other thing is the light kiss on his forehead.

Blinking away the sleep from his eyes, his lips curl into a smile at Eddie, the alpha is smiling at him and he can suddenly feel a hand rubbing at his waist and stomach, “good morning, Stevie”

“Morning Eds” he sighs and leans into him for a few seconds and then he’s bolting out of the bed and into the bathroom, throwing up last night’s dinner. Groaning he feels a hand start to rub up and down his back, “Eddie, I swear I’m never going through this again”

The alpha laughs then helps him up. After brushing teeth and putting on decent clothes, they find his mom humming softly to the radio and busy flipping pancakes. Despite the fact that he was just nauseous and didn’t want food, he wants nothing more than the food his mom is making.

“Oh! Good morning boys” she smiles and turns the burner off before pulling him into a hug with a kiss to his forehead, “how are you feeling, sweetie?”

Shrugging, “just weird, I guess?”

“Yeah, that won’t be changing much” she smiles, “come on, I have enough pancakes and bacon. Would either of you like eggs?”

As they’re eating and having small talk, it isn’t until Steve’s finished his food that his mom looks at him with a pinched look, “mom?”

She sighs and looks at him, “Sweetie, before you woke up someone came over looking for you. She was pretty determined to talk, but I told her no. I just wanted to let you know incase she shows up again”

Confused, he sees Eddie equally confused and before he can open his mouth to ask who, his mom says it, “it was your ex, Nancy, I don’t know what was so important. She said it was about Joyce’s son, but you aren’t involved with them.”

For a quick moment he panics at the thought of Nancy pulling him back in, but he’s been better at standing up for himself other than just relying on others.

He doesn’t bother waiting, he’s determined to stay out of their mess. He has more important things in life.

Eddie’s waiting in the car while he’s standing on the Wheeler’s porch. He takes a quick moment to control his breathing and then knocks on the door.

It’s thrown open by Mike, who immediately glared at him, “what are you doing here?”

Rolling his eyes, “your sister wanted to talk to me and so I’m here”

Mike rolls his own eyes before turning and yelling for Nancy, then he just stands there waiting and honestly just glares at him. It doesn’t bother him, it makes sense. Then before he knows it, Mike’s being pulled away and there’s Nancy.

“You can’t keep avoiding this, Steve. You’re in this now” is the first thing out of her mouth, “are you going to help? The kids almost got hurt without any help and I thought-“

“I went over to that house just to apologize to Jonathan, Nancy. Not to throw my life away fighting monsters, did you forget we’re also kids? I’m sixteen. You’re sixteen!” He’s never been ashamed to fight dirty, “I thought that the supergirl closed that stupid gate, anyway?”

He watches as Nancy’s frustration grows, and he suddenly realizes how much they wouldn’t work at all. Ever.

“It doesn’t matter! We need help and you’re in!”

Shaking his head, he decides it’s not worth fighting and just says, “it does matter and I’m out. I’m not your boyfriend, I’m not even your friend. Leave me alone and I’ll stay out of your way”

And he simply walks away.

—

That’s it for now! I’m sorry for making Nancy into this pushy person but I mean…she kinda is that way in canon? She’s an older sister with younger siblings so of course she doesn’t see that she’s still only a kid too. She’s pretty much like this throughout the whole fic btw 🫣

NEXT TIME for sure the CC boys make an appearance 😌 (just a heads up, the unnamed member is named Grant in this) 

 Taglist: @spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @zerokrox-blog @callme-keys @maya-custodios-dionach @rajumat @yellowdevilkitten @munsonfamilyband @steddierthings @tartarusfairy @mx-jinxous @zombiethingy @lunaticmarunatic @izzy2210 @carlyv @thelittleclare @estrellami-1 @sierra-violet @grtwdsmwhr @epiclazershark @bookworm0690 @forest-fogg (if you would like to be added to this or the permanent tag list, let me know!!)

[jeannereames]

Dr. Reames, do you think Alexandros really had megalomania?

Alexander and Megalomania

So many, many problems bubble up the minute one asks, “Was Alexander a megalomaniac?”

First, what does one mean by “megalomania”?

You might think that should be obvious. It’s not. It is, however, a good example of non-clinicians (historians or others) dabbling in pop-psychology, which I wish to hell they wouldn’t for reasons I outline in the first four pages of my article “The Mourning of Alexander” from Syllecta Classica back in 2000. The same thing leads people to decide Alexander “went crazy with grief” when Hephaistion died (he didn’t), or that he suffered from an Oedipus Complex (he didn’t), or even that he was a narcissist (he wasn’t).

Second, megalomania is not, itself, a diagnosis. It tends to be understood as narcissism, typically with manic elements, and/or part of a paranoid diagnosis.

Specific diagnostic criteria exist for narcissism (See below). But these criteria (unsurprisingly) are written for the modern world. That’s the second big problem.

His world and ours are quite different.

Additionally, the criteria are typically written for Joe Blow Average Person, and standard tests such as the MMPI* are notoriously problematic. As an older teacher of mine once pointed out, one of the MMPI questions then to indicate narcissism, “Do you think everyone is looking at you when you enter a room?” For most of us, the sensible answer is, “No.” But if you’re, say, Taylor Swift, the logical answer is, “Probably.”

If you’re Alexandros Philippou Makedonon, the answer is a definite, “Yes.”

Of course that’s just one question and one question does not produce a diagnosis, but you begin to see the problem.

Alexander was the KING around whom an entire court and army revolved. One of the modern short-hand descriptions of a narcissist (like, say, Trump) is that he acts as if he thinks he’s a king.

If you are the king, can that even apply?

Third, Alexander lived in a society that genuinely believed the gods got involved, at least occasionally, in the lives of mortals, even sometimes had children with mortals. Sure, a number of the intelligentsia elite questioned those notions, even made fun of them. And yes, Alexander was a student of Aristotle.

But he was also a child of a fairly Traditional, conservative, and religious culture. Macedonians believed their kings were descended from Herakles. They also believed their kings had a sacred duty to mediate between the gods and their subjects, on behalf of those subjects, via daily sacrifice as well as conducting multiple ceremonies and festivals throughout the year, as king.

Alexander took that responsibility so seriously, he continued to make sacrifices—after he could do little else—until he literally couldn’t get out of bed or be cognizant enough to perform them.

He believed he was special because his people believed he was special, as a Temenid/Argead, and he heard that from the time he could toddle.

Nor was modesty or humility a virtue in ancient Greece or Macedonia. That’s a pretty post-Christian notion. Hubris was a real fear, for which reason boasting needed to be moderated—and Alexander was critiqued for being too boastful even in antiquity—but we must take care with how we believe they “ought” to think or act. Furthermore, critique of Alexander’s hubris comes largely from later writers under Rome, who had somewhat different notions of proper behavior. For them, especially the Stoics, one topos about Alexander was the mad tyrant, who was a slave to his passions, so they exaggerated what he did do, and made up other stuff whole cloth.

Fourth, we can’t trust some of our evidence, especially when it comes to anecdotal stories, which a lot of folks try to utilize in order to make various diagnoses. Are these stories things he actually did, things people claimed he did, or just things somebody thought he ought to have done or said? If you don’t believe that could happen, I invite you to run a quick Google search on “Alexander the Great + quotes.” The whole lion/sheep quote found EVERYdamnwhere? He never said it. Not in any ancient source. But it’s become so embedded that I had a fight with the scriptwriters for the documentary on which I was historical consultant because they tried to use it. I think it still wound up in the final because they cared more that he “ought” to have said it than that he did. (poetic license)

You see the problem there, right? What you think he “ought” to have said may not be at all what he said, or even what somebody else thinks he ought to have said.

There was no little disagreement, even in antiquity, about what Alexander was really like.

For that very reason, we must be wary of the moralizing, editorializing, and thematic goals of the ancient historians writing about him. By Roman imperial times, Alexander had become an object lesson as much as a real historical figure. Where IS the “real” Alexander behind all of that?

So, with all these caveats, what does the DSM V list as diagnostic criteria? And keep in mind, one must have over half (e.g., 5+ of the 9). I’m going to strike through and put in green those criteria I don’t think can be supported. I’ll put in blue criteria that seem to be true, but can be explained by both his status and cultural expectations. I’ll put in red things that seem to be true. And I’ll put in purple things we have no way of actually knowing. After each, I give a short explanation.

Also, let me say that I’m considering Alexander post-Gaugamela only, after his phenomenal successes.

A grandiose sense of self-importance: e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements (Dude totally did most everything he claimed to have done, then went looking to top that.)

Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love (I’m really of mixed mind here, as, again, his position in society and the success of his father almost required him to attempt amazing stuff. Because, of course. But compared to other Macedonian kings, he did seem to have a big Romantic bone.)

Believing that they are "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions (He’s a king—of course he hung out with other courtiers, and as time went on, demands on his time increased to the point that access to the king had to be limited; he still interacted, at least sometimes, with the average soldier.)

Requiring excessive admiration (Does seem to have been true, especially when drunk)

A sense of entitlement: unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations (Again, he’s a king and a military general; of course he expects people to take his orders)

Being interpersonally exploitative; taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends (While in many ways he doesn’t fulfill this, I’m still tagging it because he did exploit his army to achieve fame for himself, and got angry when they called him on it at various points. So that’s not just a modern reading of him.)

Lacking empathy unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others (He seemed to show unusual sympathy for others even when he didn’t have to, although their relative status mattered.)

Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them (Expressing envy/competition as a form of admiration was a cultural “thing” in ancient Greece, so it’s half purple, half blue. It’s hard to say if he were any worse than one would expect given his successes.)

Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes (If Plutarch can be believed, he adjusted his expectations for his audience and what they needed a king to be…except when he was drunk, then he got arrogant.)

So, we’re left with three probably/possibly accurate criteria. Another three that can be explained just by who he was, and what he could expect from others because of who he was. At least one we can't really know, and two more that don't apply.

One of the “don't apply”—a lack of empathy—is important to a diagnosis of narcissism, btw. If he has a few, but not that one…I’m gonna go with “not a narcissist.” Especially when the three he does display can be explained otherwise.

It’s much easier to understand Alexander as a product of ancient Greco-Macedonian culture and religion, as well as a victim of his own unbelievable success.

We need to STOP trying to hang modern psychological terms on him. Or at least, not until somebody invents a time-machine and can whisk him from the past, plop him on a clinician’s couch, and ask him a bunch of diagnostic questions—properly moderated for who he was and what he accomplished.

—————

*MMPI = Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Indicator, one of several standardized tools employed to help diagnose clients/patients. Issues with it have been raised many times, ranging from socio-economic, to cultural/racial/sexist, to its uselessness with certain select populations, and the limited pool of the original sample group. In short, it has limited usage and should never replace analysis by trained clinicians. It might could serve as a starting place.

[ncishi]

LONGLEGS MOVIE ANALYSIS

ITS GONNA BE shitty and contain SPOILERRRRRSSSSS so caution ahead. I will be jumping from topic to topic because I just want to get all of thsi out. Also I will be mixing multiple theories ranging from reality questioning, supernatural explanations and just trying to stay within the rules set by the movie so sorry if it's noncoherent cuz ik it is

Topics I'll be covering: death, suicide, murder, the fucken plot, cinematography, religion (mainly Christianity and satanism but i never know what ill get in my head so not only, probably), sexual assault briefly mentioned, abuse/domestic violence, probably more so caution once again

I REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoyed the movie, the tension was built beautifully and the contrast between the looming threat of a human murderer and literal Satan was great. The appearance of the shadows and flashes literally gave me so much stress but I really appreciated it that they didn't add an actual physical Satan. Just the threat and the idea that what's happening is real because I think it is a question of what's not real and what is.

Longlegs' character was so unsettling but also barely believable and that made me adore the character so much I hate him. He does his act of Satan's messenger beautifully and the fact that he's white just feels like an insult to angels. He's something so grotesque and angelic but works for Satan right? He's pale, his hair is dead and white, he's clothed in rags and pale colors. He gives off the impression of a literal disfigured angel.

The fact the audience isn't given any explicit information about the satanism or rituals or practices is both appreciated and as a absolute nerd for stuff like that a crime. The fact none is shown lets the people off the hook for showing "wrong" or wrongly influenced material AND stops people from trying to replicate things in real life. But considering the roots are clearly in Christianity and Satanism as a theistic religion there's a lot of stuff that could've been utilized. Though i adore that the script was connected to the bible instead of just random scribbles.

Lee Harker's character was beautifully written. The confusion of knowing things you shouldn't but not having the answers connects to a point I made earlier with not knowing if things are really real. Things are presented to the viewers as they are to Lee but things that happen shouldn't work out by all logic. I believe ever since the deal for Lee's life was made she became a part of the plan. It was never meant to be Ruby who died in the Family. It was meant to be the parents due to Carter's involvement in the case, the mother due to direct connection to Carter and Lee's mother due to her partnership with Longlegs. Her job ended when Longlegs died. The deal for Lee's life was a lie because her being alive ends up being more beneficial to Satan than not, He has time to wait to get her soul, prayers or not, deal or not. They are not eternal.

Also I believe the whole movie was a premiere for something greater, it was barely a glimpse into this world right. It feels like there should be more but with the destruction of Lee's doll there's no further connection. I think that Longlegs used dolls as a vessel specifically due to historical relations to voodoo and hauntings etc. They're humanoid vessels. I feel like the audience, akin to Carrie Anne who was locked in the doll, we were Lee's actual consciousness. Due to the difference in situation she wasn't fully locked away or killed but part of her was placed in the doll and the audience represents said part. We are watching the movie from this sterile environment where we are aware of the danger (shadows f.e.) but cannot convey it to the character's.

In the scene where Lee's mother asks has she prayed, Ruth bursts into manic laughter as her bubble gets burst. She has kept everything a tight secret so far but now that her daughter admits she has always been almost scared of the prayers that SHE believes could and has kept them safe aren't actually doing a thing, she loses the control of the situation. Realising she cannot hide anymore as her daughter is probably after her unknowingly or not she has to make the last murders happen no matter what or else they will be in danger.

The ending with Lee and Ruby leaving without the doll being destroyed is once again giving the vibe that Lee is already Satan's even if she doesn't believe it. Three murders (self defence or not) happened, the doll served it's purpose for now but the connection between the doll and the girl was never severed with the doll still intact. Lee shooting Carter TWICE used the bulled for the destruction of the doll and when she fails I believe she falls in to the final trap. And I do not believe Ruby will be safe with her.

Carrie Anne's character is a LITERAL KEY. The doll, her consciousness and her NAME. Carry on as a suggestion maybe by a god to try and keep Lee away from this case, or by Satan to egg her on to continue and fall further into the trap I believe the story is. Carrie Anne's minor interactions with Lee are important, they give insight to the power that Longlegs has. Even further her suicide. Her death that should've happened years ago was completed by herself through the discovery of the doll where her soul was contained.

The name Longlegs is also peculiar. The fact he's never present at the crime scenes, no evidence apart from the encrypted letters are a sign of his existence. Yet he lives a vaguely normal life, buying things from the store, driving a car etc. He is a mad man through and through. His death was a proof of his beliefs. Once again possibility of things not being real is brought up with this strange, crazy guy coming about wanting your daughters life, screaming about Satan definitely terrified Ruth. I don't remember exactly but I believe there was a scene where Lee picks up a baggie of pills, I have no clue what they were for but seeing the state she is and the state the house is some connections are easy to make. I wouldn't go for schizophrenia but hoarding and satanism (religious paranoia) and stress from being an accomplice could suggest some sort of mental disorder furthering the difference between reality and beliefs. Not that the paranormality can't be disproven due to actions of people like Carter who I believe wouldn't hurt his family. Though unsure of the conditions of the other families it could be a allegory for domestic violence and fucked up justice through a messenger of higher being. The Harker house/family being described as something white and pure, along the other victim's families and places could indicate issues within families. Because what use does Satan have for pure souls when his domain is the punishment of sinners. And hurting children is among the worst crimes I personally believe in (sexual assault being another unforgivable one). Continuing on the "pure" families Harker family doesn't have a father figure present. AT ALL. This is a far fetched idea but a connection nonetheless.

On the topic of cinematography there were few scenes that absolutely blew my mind. The first meeting of Lee and Ruby when they're talking on the bed and the image of the birds above the bed mirrors them. Or they mirror it. I'd love to figure out what birds they are if there's further symbolism but it's way too small and I really don't know anything about birds. The slow scenery shots. Beautiful, gorgeous, immaculate. The sense of normalcy and dread mixed together the same way I mentioned the humaneness of Longlegs and Satan, furthered by Ruth's involvement. Human danger. Supernatural danger. They give out the feeling you should be seeing something, somewhere but there's nothing. It's just a normal forest etc. This raises the tension as we see more and more and we expect to see the shadow everywhere and the lack of danger makes things seem out of place. There were others as well but i just might make another post with screenshots later.

I also read a critique on the movie about the ending that I disagree with. I get their point of view but I believe due to Satan's influence the ending is as is. Lee was HELPLESS. She didn't know she didn't have a choice, she didn't know it was meant to be like this. She fulfilled whatever horrible ritual it was. She just didn't know what she did. I believe if she hadn't entered the house and shot the doll through the window she could've saved them. The doll was a conduit for Satan and as long as the doll was intact the house was his domain. Like I get it kinda bothered me because Carter didn't seem like a guy who'd ignore a possible threat to his family, except once again abuse/negligent parenting etc theory. OR going with the full supernatural Satan had control over them the second they had contact with Longlegs. It was shown multiple times his singing has an effect on people so it wouldn't shock me if everyone present for the hearing is now "cursed".

Also I HAVE to comment on the fact I've seen so many people complain it's so slow??? Like bro, if it was any faster it'd lose it's tension. I feel like there could be like an hour of more tension and slowness. I totally get that it's not everyone's cup of tea but I just feel like it was built up so well, the horror apart from few jump scares wasn't cheap but instead went straight for the human ability to connect dots and want to solve puzzles. We're forced into a situation where we can see things happening and due to it being a movie can excuse the "unrealistic religious themes and events" instead of taking the perspective of this is happening to me. And people forget that. And the slowness allows all these little bits and pieces to connect instead of giving us new information CONSTANTLY

I'm probably gonna make more reviews cuz I loved doing this but for example I adore how all the movies in Insidious are connected and they are WAYYYY faster paced. But that is due to the fact it's a movie series. They can give information faster due to having a background from the earlier movies, with Longlegs we need time to process the information especially the way it is presented to us. Everything in the movie is a question with no answer. It answers NONE of the questions asked, just the off handed comment about satanism and murder.

[practically-an-x-man]

Talk shop tuesday!

Is there anything that is the same in all of your 'universes'? A character trait all your Main Character OCs share, an event that happened differently, or didnt happen at all?

Ooooooh, this is an interesting one! Thank you!!

Talk Shop Tuesday

So, first off, I don't know that there's something that remains the same in all of my stories/universes. I have a fair number of them, and they all feature very different characters, themes, and tones. I think in general I do incorporate a lot of hurt/comfort and a balance between angst and fluff, and there are a lot of themes related to found family, medicine/healing, and being accepted for your genuine self, but that's more an indication of what I find important and cathartic when I write than it is a devoted effort to include those themes every time.

I think when we look at when I have multiple distinct fics/stories for the same fandom (4 for X-Men, 2 for DC, 2 for the MCU, 2 for 6 Underground), there's generally a few things that overlap, but not extensively. For example, in both of my 6 Underground fics, I did choose to make One's real name a cheeky comic book reference, but that's just for my own amusement as an author.

When it comes to larger details like fix-it deaths, I try to focus on changes that could directly be influenced by my OCs and their role in the story. So like... I usually try to write a fix-it for Alex Summers' death in the X-Men movies, whether he's a main character in the fic or not - Rae's shields save him in ALON, a healing mutant will save him in a future Smoke and Mirrors sequel, and I had originally planned for Mira's extended story to involve a fix-it for him too - but his canon death sticks in Symphony in Silver because Robin joined up with the X-Men after X-Men: Apocalypse and there was nothing she could have done to step in.

There's some ebb and flow there too, some details I do change just because I want to and some things I let slide even if my OC could have stepped in, it really just depends on what will make the story more interesting and bring the most emotional depth. But as a whole, I feel like restricting the major changes to what the OC can influence is a good way to keep things controlled and consistent.

I honestly don't view my stories as one interconnected universe. I know plenty of people do, and I respect that viewpoint immensely, but I find it more fun personally to treat them as individual bubbles of plot without significant overlap. That way I don't have to keep track of extensive timelines or details, and I can shift around the events as best fit for the characters without being worried about confounding one of my other stories (y'know, like... if Eris and Nikoletta were both in the same universe, I could only write the Corto Maltese plot once and I'd have to think about how they both fit into it while also servicing their individual stories). Some of them might coexist or cross over more easily than others, but as a whole I view them as separate entities.

[wingsdreamt]

steeleidolon​:

There are ways to find out what happened, or rather what didn’t happen. The Turks would have to lodge the mission as a failure. Depending on who was involved, the Director might have needed to report directly to the President, or take ‘corrective actions’ if they didn’t lie outright. That is how that department works, beyond covering things up, beyond covering their own. Someone, somewhere, has an account of it. Sometimes it is better to try than to seek assurances that you helped someone, but…

Maybe. Maybe if they are feeling bold enough to breach General Affairs.

They have their contingencies. Multiple points of egress. They are intimately acquainted with the holes in security, although if they succeeded in their aim and SOLDIER came under scrutiny for Kalm, things might have changed. For the moment, though, everything is eerily the same.

Even the receptionists at the front are the same. There’s Daliana with the oversized Keepers of Honor mug and an otherwise pristine posh-prim demeanor, effortlessly fielding phone calls and directing would-be tourists to the kiosks that will issue them tickets to the museum and showcase floors. He’d ingratiated himself with Ms. Greene by way of printer repair at this point. Many a clandestine food delivery passed through her hands and underneath the desk, often with bubble tea or a coffee with her name on it…

“Oh yeah, totally censored the whole human battery thing–and the agents. I looked everywhere for Morpheus’ coat too, couldn’t find one that didn’t look like a trashbag on me. The shades were pretty sweet until they shattered on my face, though.” Nodding, nodding, more to himself as he scopes things out. “Oh! And the Mummy. Man. Everyone was too hot.”

A smirk under the lip of his helmet is nostalgic, which feels…bizarre.

Still. It would be suspicious if they were silent as they marched along on their way.

On the elevator, amid the distant cicada hum-buzz of surveillance, Zack short circuits Kunsel’s brain. Gawping to Zack’s megawatt grin, Kunsel takes just a couple of heartbeats to recover as the doors swish closed. A cough, and then a raspy laugh.

“No way. I don’t-” He’s blinking, attempting to parse. “How? Unless you mean literally. Was that the summer swamp deployment? I was a jacked-up scarecrow and the humidity was sous viding my thinkmeats.”

The elevator begins its crawling ascent. Slow. Just like all of the other lifts that might be used by civilians, it’s meant to soak up as much intel as possible while building anticipation for something awe-inspiring. One of the many reasons why he preferred the stairs. HQ Tower does boast a commanding view, though. Amazing what you can learn to take for granted.  

ShinRa crushes the wondrous down into the mundane, the mundane into drudgery. It always has, but people can still find ways to flourish given the circumstances. They did, until they didn’t. And now they are again.

Floors ding by. Kunsel folds his arms.

“Mmm… well.”

A step forward. Shoulder to shoulder, a bump of elbows.

“For me it was when you were talking about your hometown, and you’d repeat it when folks’d get it wrong.”

Guilty as charged, Kunsel intentionally mangled it to get Zack to ’GonGAga.’ Now it’s his turn to grin like an idiot. Maybe not an uncommon sight for anyone unfortunate enough to step into the elevator car.

Catching Kunsel off guard never gets old. Insanely observant and equally oblivious in other respects. 

“No, stupid– I mean yes, but also no.” Unable to hold back a laugh, Zack already has a hand halfway up to his face to cover his eyes in exasperation before remembering that there’s a helmet in the way. That takes getting used to, considering Zack never much loved wearing the damn things in the first place. Zack waggles his fingers where they hang just inches away from the burnished metal. His hand continues to hover in a way that clearly says, yank it off, but his mind resists the urge for lapses in judgment to instead loop his arm around Kunsel’s neck and hang his weight off him. “I didn’t want to say anything. You already…” Kunsel had already heard compliments plenty of times before, not always from the most benevolent of admirers. Zack shrugs. At the time, refraining seemed obvious. “I just wanted to be your friend.”

Zack bumps Kunsel back, elbow for elbow, but it does not take long before he feels compelled to turn away from the uninteresting steel doors to look out at the shrinking buildings spread out before them. 

From the vantage point of this tiny little elevator car climbing up along the length of the Tower, Midgar looks magnificent. A city of steel, smog, and lights. Filled with opportunity and broken dreams. The glittering home of progress and prosperity rising out of the wasteland. Endless. Zack remembers with perfect clarity the moment he realized he could probably end up at a different restaurant every day within the Midgar’s walls and yet still never be able to try every single restaurant if it took a whole lifetime. All sorts of people, places, phenomena he’d met and seen and experienced because he chose to leave his podunk town in the middle of nowhere. 

Gongaga.

Zack snorts and turns back around with a glance up to the glowing floor numbers sequenced over the top of the doors. A couple more. Not long now. “That supposed to be an opinion? It’s straight up facts.” 

He claps his fist into his palm with heart. “People were saying it wrong! Hell yeah, it was my duty to set them right. Gon-ga-ga. Tch." Evidently miffed that Kunsel found the constant mispronunciation of Gongaga’s good name amusing, Zack turns his nose upwards with a huff. Albeit with a grin curling at the corner of his mouth.

One final ding, and the elevator shudders to a stop. The SOLDIER floor. Zack isn’t entirely immune to the twinge of anxiety at what or who they might see while they are here.

“Supply pods first.” No reason to wander around HQ unarmed any longer than they need to. There wasn’t a chance in hell would this plan have worked with the Buster Sword clipped to his back. “Also…Any objections if I, say, wanted to make a quick pit stop by our room before we head to the Drum for check-up?”

[bridgeportbritt]

The Toxicity of Royal Simblr

alright guys. I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have to make a post about this or that it would just go away. But, I’m seeing now that this is not the case. As the owner of the Royal Discord Community, I along with others in the community feel like this behind the scenes toxic behavior needs to be addressed because it’s been going on for a while now and a lot of people have been affected.

Please note that the intention is to bring attention to some of the toxic behaviors shown here so those involved will not continue further. We’ve blocked names of some people in the following screenshots to remove their identity as this is not about he said/she said stuff. It’s about bringing light to something that’s been affecting all of us.

This is a long post so be prepared to do some reading if you continue on. The following screenshots were provided to me because I took over the Royal Discord once the previous admins no longer wanted it. The rest is under the cut.

*Before you read on, I’m happy to let you know that a resolution has come since this initial post. Please read this post. Thank you!*

A lot of these messages are disheartening because myself, the other admins/mods, and the community as a whole has worked hard to bring the community back from a place where people honestly felt too scared to join because messages like these were playing in the background and this sentiment seeps into every part of Royal Simblr unfortunately. Due to how things were run previously on top of this toxic underbelly it’s made people hesistant to join in.

There is one thing I’d like to address first as it was directed at myself and I want to own up to anything I have done in this. When I first joined Royal Simblr, I participated in a Royal Sim Pageant. In one of the rounds, derogatory and racist remarks against Asians were made without the participants knowing. I truly regret to have been apart of it. When it was brought to my attention, I worked to correct the damage done with the owners of the pageant. I’m not perfect and don’t claim to be, but I’m always working to be better especially when it comes to correctly representing other cultures as it’s something I take very seriously.

To preface these messages, there are two things to know. There are two seperate servers. Server A) The server I’ve been admin of for a little over a month after the last admin transferred it to me. Server B) A smaller server that was created before Server A and made up a lot of the folks who also created and ran the Server A initially. The other thing is most of these people are not in Server A and haven’t been in over a month.

The conversation you see here started with a member of the community being accused of copying storylines. This person being accused is in Server A and this conversation took place in Server B on July 15, 2021.

The person speaking is saying they left Server A because a person is accused of copying storylines. For some reason, the whole community is then somehow involved in this as the conversation shifts. The person accused of copying happened to be a moderator in Server A which is mentioned. 

From what I’ve seen from this server, this is fairly common behaviour and multiple people have been bullied, accused of copying, etc. many stemming from this server.

In this shot, Server A is put into question. Many stating they left because they don’t want to pretend to be positive or show interest in other stories as if they are being forced to. As you can see one person states that this is not the case of the server since I’ve been admin and don’t encourage people to show fake positivity.

However, this person is actually in Server A which I’m guessing is why they decided to sort of defend it. But, then they agree that those running Server A are questionable (ie myself and the other admins/mods).

More of the same, but speaking about the previous ownership of the server when referring to being asked to step down. Also more just toxic talk about the entire Royal simblr community for no reason. This comes from those who have “built the community” and “do so much for it.” But behind closed doors this is what is done.

In this shot, those in Server A are accused of not “making an effort to be anyone’s friend” with those who rarely interact, being nice to each other for clout, and just overall being fake. Although, keep in mind, one of these people (”I stay for the drama”) is in Server A and never expressed any of this to me or other admins. Yet talking trash about us in Server B. Note: the pageant is also brought up here which I’ve addressed above and I believe I was the only admin or moderator apart of the pageant. 

Here they make fun of people speaking about their stories and other people encouraging them. Also, just want to point out if anyone ever feels unwelcomed in the server, please reach out to me of the other admins. It’s our goal to make everyone welcome, but we can’t do that if we don’t know. Also, being a jerk to people in another server for no reason isn't really a good way to make friends.

Some general nonsense about the server and those in the server. Again most of these people haven’t been in the server since I took over so sentiments about the status of the server are all from a month ago when those in Server B were in charge of Server A. The “felt like a corporation” and “crickets” is all things we’ve been working to reverse since we’ve taken it over.

In these shots, it’s talked about how so many people are stuck in their Royal stories and don’t plan methodically and decorate and how they take bad screenshots. Basically making fun of everyone else because they aren’t doing things exactly as they are or think they should be done. The community they “built” mind you. Then, they talk about some plan to rejoin Server A and bait people, but not wanting to get caught up so deciding against it.

This gives you a gist of what is happening in the Royal Simblr community. Some of the most beloved and talented among us are spending their time poking fun at everyone else, bullying, and being toxic in a server that is “not exclusive.” Many of my friends have been apart of this and even got swept into the toxicity which shows you the nature of this group. It’s very exclusive and meant to bully and mock others even going as far as making people want leave the community alrogether.

This is not me trying to bash anyone or continue bullying or single out these people specifically as bad people. There are a lot more screenshots that I did not share of just really mean stuff, but we’ve all done messed up stuff. I won't say who said what or even who had this particular conversation because at this point it doesn't matter, but I will address those who are in the server and actively participate in toxic conversations including @royaldevilliers @thesimsroyalfam @wa-royal-tea @royalfamilyofgrimalldi and @markinghamroyals​

We all have a vision for the community and we’ve been working towards that and this is NOT it. It’s not about who’s best or being being better than everyone else. It’s supposed to be about community, sharing stories, and overall just having a good time with a fun HOBBY. Others are just taking it too far and too seriously. Things like this ruin it for EVERYONE. 

When I took over Server A, no one interacted, people were nervous to join, and it was a place where people didn’t feel welcomed. Now, we just had a random 6 hour server stream yesterday, people are helping people daily and sharing their stories again. This is what we want for the community. But with behavior like this, we will NEVER get there.

To those who are doing this, please look at these nasty messages and see how this does so much harm. The toxic energy you bring does not stop just because it’s in your little bubble. 

This is who you want to be known as?

This is how you want to “build a community?” 

None of us are perfect and we don’t expect you to be either, but this is just mean especially to folks who haven’t done anything to you and even look up to you.

To those who’ve been affected by this, I’m really sorry. We have to do better if we want this community to continue and be a good place for us all.

[ldss-interactive]

At Alter’s End: A CYOA Novel

Overview:

Trentworth, Maine. A town of ten thousand southeast of Ellsworth and North of Bayside. Its only bragging point since its conception in 1867 was being a shoreline city and cheaper than any of the other big tourist towns. Nothing ever happened here, besides the occasional drowning or fishing trip accident, until the killings started. They lasted five years in total and 48 people were lost to the killer’s sick desires. Robert Hall terrorized this small town, slipping under the radar by focusing on those considered “undesirable”; sex workers, orphans, drug addicts, and the like. Now ten years later, ten years after the killer has been put behind bars, murders have begun again. A copycat killer has come to Trentworth. And they seem to be targeting the ones left behind, still trying to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives…

You take the role of a highschool senior; your parents having died in a home fire shortly before the killer was put behind bars and now under the care of your workaholic aunt. Make allies of your classmates or attempt to go it alone, clear your parents’ name from their believed involvement with the killer or fight to put the past behind you, deal with the skeletons in your closet and mind or bury them deeper... Oh, and make sure your history project is turned in on time. With two young siblings depending on you and a whole host of problems a highschool student should never have to deal with, can you survive this nightmare made real?

Trigger Warnings: This game will go into very heavy topics including the following; murder, death, various mental health issues (such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety), abandonment, gambling, various types of drug addiction, self harm mentions (not happening to the MC or shown in graphic detail), suicide, sex work, child abuse (mental, emotional, and physical), and dangerous situations. This is a murder mystery/thriller, it is NOT intended for audiences below 18.

Hello! Thank you for showing interest in At Alter’s End. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure style novel in the Thriller and Murder Mystery genres. It would also fit nicely in the Drama genre as well, but Drama is not the focus. This will be a rather lengthy project, with fifteen chapters plus a prologue and epilogue planned.

You take on the role of a senior at Trentworth High. Join an after-school activity, take care of your younger siblings, prepare for finals, get a part time job, find a date to homecoming, and survive your worst nightmare come to life. The copycat killer is targeting the students of your school and no one is safe. With the police dragging their feet, no help coming any time soon from any higher up law enforcement, and the locals refusing to acknowledge the possibility of a copycat killer, it’s up to you and your classmates to find the person responsible...before it’s too late.

- You can play as female, male, nonbinary, or trans!

- You can be straight, gay, or bisexual!

- A highly customizable MC including hair color, eye color, skin color, hair length, height, and personality and interests!

- The ability to choose which mental illness the MC suffers from due to the trauma of their past from the following:

Anxiety, Depression, or PTSD.

- The MC is deaf in their right ear ear due to the way in which their parents died; this is not something that can be changed.

- Choose from 7 different official after-school activities! Trentworth Volunteers, Up and Coming Artists, National Debate Society, National Honors Society, Co-Ed Varsity Basketball, Creative Writing, and Trentworth Gardeners!

- Bond with your classmates, explore your town, and help raise your younger siblings!

- Rescue your parents’ bakery from corporate clutches or let it go!

- Find the killer, stop the murders, and put a stop to the rumors that have plagued your every step for 10 years!

Vanya: Oldest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive siblings, 6 years younger than MC. Strong-headed, intelligent, and always getting into trouble. She looks after her brother and MC in the ways she can.

Ajay: Youngest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive sibling, 6 years younger than MC. Nearly completely blind since birth, he enjoys painting and other artistic endeavors. Obedient yet opinionated.

Aunt Emma: The workaholic aunt that takes custody of MC and their younger siblings after the death of their parents. Well meaning but absent most of the time on business trips or at the office.

Kwan Hall: An adoptive relative to Robert Hall; aloof, intelligent, and completely ostracized by Trentworth as a whole. When the killings start again the town’s attention is immediately turned on Kwan. He’s the first to begin investigating the killings when the police prove their incompetence. He is of Korean descent, standing at 5’6” with dark hair and dark eyes. His most notable feature is the long scar that stretches from his forehead’s hairline, down his left temple, and ends just below his jawline and the constant disinterest on his face. He is asexual in that he doesn’t experience sexual attraction at all. He is also bisexual.

Alessia D’Agostina: Trentworth High’s school president. She’s clawed her way tooth and nail up to earn the respect of both the school faculty and her fellow classmates; she’s strong-willed, dependable, and always looks at things through a logical lens. When she sees her classmates dying, she takes it upon herself to try and stop this once and for all. With dark skin, deep brown eyes, long braided hair, and standing at 5’8” her confidence and sense of self always make sure she stands out from the crowd. Alessia is bisexual.

Georgiy Kuzmin: Twin brother to Anastasiya Kuzmin; he is, in the kindest way possible, not the brightest bulb in the box. Yet he always means well and is more than willing to offer a helping hand. As the co-captain of the basketball team, captain of the baseball team, and the star of the swim team, Georgiy is one of the most popular and well beloved students at Trentworth High. When he realizes his friends are in danger, he willingly throws himself into the investigation to do all he can to help. With fair skin, dirty blond hair, bubbly green eyes, and standing at 6’1” he cuts an approachable figure to anyone who knows him. Georgiy is gay.

Anastasiya Kuzmin: Twin sister to Georgiy Kuzmin: she and her brother are alike in so many ways apart from just appearance. Anastasiya, who goes by Ana more often than not, is head of the Co-Ed Varsity Basketball team, the Girls’ softball team, and the Tennis team. Just as popular and loved as her brother, Ana may not be the smartest but she makes up for it with passion and dedication. Like her brother, she has fairer skin, dirty blond hair, and bright green eyes. Also like her brother, she felt she couldn’t just sit around while her friends were put in danger and agreed to join the investigation. Ana is gay and demiromantic, meaning she only gains feelings for someone after having a strong relationship with them.

Lillian Triano: A quiet, withdrawn girl who mainly keeps to herself. Due to the fact that Trentworth High demands for every senior to be apart of an elective, she is mainly seen in afterschool reading club run by Ms. Habeeb. She’s MC’s closest friend, having been one of the only people who didn’t believe the rumors that MC’s parents were assisting Robert Hall in his murders. She has an olive complexion, brown eyes, a heavy dose of freckles, and stands at 5’1”. Lillian is gay.

Jasmine Abernathy: Jasmine is Trentworth High’s self proclaimed “Best news source!” After the school newspaper was disbanded, Jasmine took it upon herself to keep freedom of the press alive. She’s fierce in her pursuit of the truth and never one to back down from a fight, though her rash attitude can get her into some sticky situations on occasion. With vibrant red hair, dark brown eyes, and standing at 5’3” she puts the term “fire” in Fire Signs. (She’s an Aries in astrology!) When the copycat killings began, it was no surprise when she took the case head on. Jasmine is bisexual.

Asa San Nicholas: Asa is the oldest of a set of triplets; they’re the type to march to the beat of their own drum, often not listening to what anyone has to say about themselves or their interests. Asa is a firm believer in the paranormal and it isn’t uncommon to find them indulging in their interest in various ways. “The spirits are distrubed. These deaths aren’t meant to happen.” Asa’s reason for getting involved seems to tie directly back to their “connection” with the spirits of the town. Asa has black hair, most often tied in a ponytail, hazel eyes, and an olive skin tone. At 6’4” they tower over most everyone...something they seem to enjoy a great deal. Asa doesn’t see gender and is interested in people regardless of how they present.

Leo San Nicholas: The middle of the triplets. They are genderfluid, okay with any pronouns. Leo is, for lack of a better word, eccentric. A bit of an adrenaline junkie, you can often find them cliff diving or giving their siblings heart attacks by playing russian roulette with a chocolate gun. To them, it isn’t fun if there isn’t a little danger involved; naturally, an investigation into a serial killer scratches that itch quite nicely. Their black hair is clipped short, multiple piercings visible on each ear, and their heterochromatic hazel and green eyes are often stated to stare through a person. Although Leo is genderfluid, they are only interested in people who present as female.

The demo is upcoming! When it is available I will make a post announcing it! I will also update this post with the link! This game is written in choicescript; the demo will be published on Dashingdon and the final game will be published for free on itch.io. I am open for questions regarding this game/novel and once the demo is published I will also be publishing a link to my Ko-fi! Until then, please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions!

[leamy-world]

Reaction to The Devil Judge (spoilers for ep. 9 & 10)

It’s been a while since i’ve last been on tumblr, but i got invested in this drama every week & the fandom’s analyses to not talk about it sometime! (Last time i was hooked, it was with Beyond Evil and i watched it by the time the finale already aired so i didn’t suffer from the weekly wait!)

So here i am, this is mainly self-indulgent with essay-long interpretations of some scenes in a totally random order, but i’d love to interact with whoever reads this if they want to react!

I’m sorry for the potential awkward phrasings, english is not my first language!

- The recap was nicely done and tied everything together, it made me realize so many things happened since the beginning! The repetition didn’t make me skip it, the narration was dynamic & fun.

- The ‘power display’ & threat Yohan showed to Soohyun (by lashing out at Juk Chang and strangling him, as proxy for Soohyun, in front of her while staring at her) were something …! She answered in the same fashion, passing by him saying she will ‘arrest Juk Chang’. I wonder how their next encounters will unfold.

- Many people already pointed this out, but Soohyun’s decision to leave Elijah, a minor, alone in her car (with its doors open, daring to tell her to stay there when she has no other choice anyway) + stop the gang alone and unannounced off duty was irresponsible. Anyways, i wonder if she will interact again with Elijah because they were adorable, i would miss it!

- The conversation between Soohyun & Gaon at his apartment (ep. 10) was interesting on both parts: 

It sounded casual, but Soohyun wanted to see where he stood in the Kang family and make sure he wasn’t in Yohan’s plans (i hope she didn’t seriously mean the ‘weird’ comment about Elijah, it’d be sad since Elijah enjoyed her company!).

Gaon was anxious professor Min told her about their last conversation (i think she’ll talk to him in the next eps). He also indirectly defended the Kangs by associating himself with them (« I’m pretty sure i’m just as weird ») and voiced his concern about Yohan, speaking more to himself than following the conversation at hand. 

When Soohyun changed the subject with the ‘i’m jealous’ bit, maybe it was to brighten the mood with a light-hearted comment, hoping Gaon would follow. And by the look of her pause right after, it seemed she was also expecting GO’s ‘positive’ reaction to her jealousy, giving in to the kind of teasing/flirt they have in their friendship. But deep down, it was also to voice her true unease about Gaon’s involvement with Yohan she had since the beginning and ep. 8. 

It’s obvious to us she meant she was jealous of Yohan. And GO could’ve understood it this way too, since she confessed to him multiple times and her feelings must be known to him (i think he takes it as a ‘joke’ given how many times she confessed and each time when he was crying, so maybe he thought, very reasonably, it was to cheer him up? I also guess he’s too absorbed by his current worries about the Kangs and her potential suspicion, to notice her attempts). 

But instead of that, he’s not in the same line of thoughts at all and picks up on the « rich », musing on what makes one’s existence rich, thinking Soohyun was envying Yohan’s position and life and proving her he’s indeed in a whole different world, empathizing with Yohan. 

She then looked like her face fell, until her eyes lit up again when he was about to admit she was precious to him along with his family.

By the way, this scene picks up right where we were left off in ep. 8, when Gaon tends to his plants:

« - Are you back for good? - Not really. They need some looking after. - You should come back, not drop by. This is where you live. - Someone there needs some taking care of too. - Take care of your own self, please. - What about me? I’m living a shamelessly comfortable life. Soohyun. - Yes? - What are you thinking about? - Nothing. By the way, Gaon … » (i wonder what she was going to say!)

Lost in thoughts, Gaon’s mixed emotions when he said Yohan was not rich (« he’s not rich. If you get to know him, Kang Yohan is really poor. ») were very well depicted by Jinyoung’s acting: the soft voice and the ghost of a smile that convey understanding and endearment, leaning on his counter in a relaxed stance, but also at the same time the stare lost in the space, maybe to all the memories tied to the Kangs and Yohan, and the tension in his left lip corner by the end of his sentence which betray his sadness and empathy with Yohan’s life. After this, when he became aware of Soohyun’s gaze, it’s like his bubble popped. He looked surprised with his eyes widening, and was fidgeting a little, then changed the subject to himself.

And « I have you, Soohyun » sounded truly grateful but also sad and conflicted, GO lets his worries show when she’s gone, maybe wondering if they would be bound to be against each other one day as he continues to side with Yohan, menacing to jeopardize their friendship to the point of no return. In these kinds of stories you expect these kinds of twists, but i grew fond of the cast send help

- I loved how Yohan’s confession to GO about his brother was filmed: the camera faced head-on his pain, slipping unbeknownst to him through the façade he always showed to protect himself. But this time, despite his (late) attempts to dismiss these feelings both for him and Gaon to regain composure (the hand gestures to hide his tears, pretending to be tough with the  « there’s no such things as innocent people », drinking away his sorrow with a bitter laugh that rings hollow), all this façade fades out in front of Gaon literally by being blurred out in the shot, as if he clearly sees his pain through (his silhouette appearing clear-cut between Yohan’s gestures). I know it’s a pretty classic shot but it fit well with this scene. He clenches his jaw in the next shot, moved by Yohan opening up. 

- The dinner scene was really moving …! Especially when you put the colder tones the kitchen had when we first saw Yohan have dinner by himself next to this scene, full of light in contrast! I wonder when the OST playing will be released, it was so beautiful and reminded me of My Mister’s OST (especially Rainbow!). I look forward to the lyrics, because most of the time the OST gives more layers & depth to the story and the characters! (please don’t let it be about Yohan’s budding feeling of a true ‘home’ ;;) I didn’t realize it upon my first watch, but Gaon really took the cutlery hostage, it cracked me up!

- The parallels in this show will be the end of me: Yohan went from the « i’m so sick of this place » (ep. 5) to asking K to drive him « home » with a delighted smile. 

- I liked the parallel of Yohan’s reaction to GO/Sun-Ah sitting in his office chair, impeding on his space (he reminds SA to stay out of it, the first time politely, the second time almost grimacing, his jaw clenched: « Just because you’re the head of the OSC doesn’t mean you can barge in like this (…) So please stop barging in like this. », while he says nothing to GO)

- At the beginning of ep. 10, we have Yohan saying he doesn’t like «  hanging out with people » & by the end of it, Soohyun saying « My childhood’s best friend is hanging out with a rich guy ».

- These two episodes gave more insight and nuance into Sun-Ah’s character, which was very nice ; and also Cha Kyung-Hee’s comeback (and her last confrontation with Sun-Ah!!!!)

- The people following Juk Chang also targeted sexual minorities according to the subs i had, i wonder if it will be addressed again sometime in the drama. 

- I loved Elijah’s « hacking » technique scene, i felt proud too! I always look forward to her scenes (and Kkomi’s too haha)! And her reaching out Gaon’s shoulder for the first time ;;

- The ‘humans lose their minds when they think they’ve lost what they have’ ……… repeated twice by YH ………… It will hit hard and all those lines will come right back at us viewers, but i’m not prepared haha! And also for the ‘if you want revenge, don’t hesitate’, i hope it doesn’t foreshadow a future revenge Gaon will execute without hesitation aaaaaa

Also, what lawyer Ko said about himself in ep. 8 may apply to Yohan’s case by the end, will he atone for what he did someday? (« I’m no longer a lawyer. I’m just a criminal. When all this comes to an end, I’ll pay for what i did. »)

- I really loved Yohan’s efforts to take into consideration both Elijah’s (he refrained himself from acting rashly like the last time she went out and listened to her) and Gaon’s feelings (stopping him from endangering himself recklessly, not forcing him onto the revenge path lest he’d regret it afterwards, and helping him to face the truth rationally). 

- « She’s hungry for affection. No matter how much you hate the world and the people in it, you can never live alone. You always need someone to rely on. As long as you’re a human being. » Many people commented on it, Gaon must speak from his own experience and empathizes with both Elijah and Yohan’s situation. These two episodes showed how Gaon cares for the Kangs more openly, and i live for it! 

- Give me that domestic scene where Gaon plays cards with YH, the nanny and Elijah! And also more K and lawyer Ko scenes!

- Jinjoo’s and Gaon’s intervention in the trial were gold! And Satie’s Gnossiennes rearrangement playing in the background during Juk Chang’s speech, it’s the cherry on the cake haha

- By the way, there was also an arrangement of Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto no. 2 during the first charity event Yohan went with Jinjoo in the earlier episodes, it was also beautiful!

- GO’s Awkward Smile. I have no words, it is now forever imprinted on my mind.

Have a nice week and take care!

[liminalweirdo]

spoilers for super dark times and josh’s character/motivation behind the cut. seriously, it’s spoilertown. proceed with caution.

Hate those articles that say that Josh is a character that helps us “spot the warning signs” in Psychopathic Children tm “before it’s too late” and honestly first of all what the fuck????

second of all, bitch WHERE?!

Look at him, he’s DISTRAUGHT. He literally almost passes out after Zach pulls the sword out. His scenes alone after Daryl’s death are Josh fucked up with guilt. This isn’t a kid who sits and plays with coins on the hardwood for the entirety of a school day in his day-to-day life. Look at his bedroom. This is a kid who keeps himself busy. He shows multiple clear indicators of stress and guilt afterwards. Josh doesn’t have any psychopathic “warning signs”, he’s a kid, a literal kid, that made a fucking MISTAKE?! The trajectory of the film doesn’t make sense for this reason, this is my biggest problem with an otherwise pretty perfect movie.

Like, this kid made a very big mistake and then very rapidly lost a very small but crucial support network, and it overwhelmed him.

Also, not only are psychopathy and sociopathy real personality disorders that real people have, and thus shouldn’t be used as just a “movie villain quirk” or the entire reasoning/motivation behind why someone “acts evil” (which is just incredibly lazy character creation), but Josh just... isn’t a psychopath. Neurodivergent? yes, absolutely. (I realize there are other problems with this. To be 1000% clear, NO I do not think that it’s Josh’s neurodivergence that causes him to be violent either. It’s a tragic thing that happened and spiralled a collection of tragic events, and I don’t think any of them are related to his ND brain. Neurotypicals can be and often are perpetrators of violence.) Again, this is more of a film canon issue, but: Why was Josh so weird? Why is Josh so blunt and straightforward and why doesn’t he look anyone in the eye? Why doesn’t Josh want to change their safe bubble of Josh&Zach to Josh&Zach and OTHER PEOPLE? Why does Josh shut down under (immense) pressure? Why does Josh have persistent, canonical stims and tics? If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person and Josh is not going to be like everyone on the spectrum, but as an autistic person, I spent the whole movie thinking “oh this kid is me, it’s me” and then?!!??! This kid is SURPRISE, a “psychopath” who murders people! I’M SORRY, LIKE WHAT?!

I’m not explaining this as coherently as I want to but I am percolating on it more so I can write more cohesively about it later. Basically, my overarching thought is: Josh is clearly ND and it SEEMS LIKE (i’m not saying this was the intent) but it SEEMS LIKE that neurodivergence just translates to “psychopathic murderer” as though that’s some kind of a) logical reasoning or b) a real and common thing (it’s not), and that is not great. That’s so not great, particularly because things involving violent teenagers and violent men involve the media FREQUENTLY pointing out that those people are autistic, often without any actual medical confirmation. This associates violence with autism. This is so incredibly rarely the case and is playing on such cause/correlation bullshit that it’s like saying “the killer was lactose intolerant.” And it sure does vilify autistics for no fucking reason.

I’m not a professional, but Josh is more clearly on the spectrum than he is exhibiting signs of psychopathy, even if they wanted to go the (bad) “psychopathic villain” route. This is one of the main reasons why the ending was so disturbing, but also confusing. The ending’s nonsensical “twist” is actually kind of just throwing people with real personality disorders like psychopathy or sociopathy under the bus, while somehow also saying “people who act autistic are going to become violent” and those things are both super not great. (new title? no, i’m kidding, i still adore this film)

I just... I don’t know. I guess I don’t know why this choice was made, in the film. I don’t even know if it was a choice. It’s extremely possible that I’m just reading into a character too much because my autistic brain relates strongly to Josh’s character. Until the murdering happens.

Even the scene where Zach comes to see Josh in his bedroom afterwards and Josh is just in shutdown mode is so similar to my autistic shutdowns that I have a hard time seeing that scene as anything else. Is he annoyed with Zach? YES, but not because he’s “a psychopath” now, it’s because he’s fucking done. He’s out of spoons. He cannot handle any more of this shit. Zach is outwardly expressive, he’s raised by a single mom who’s a good parent, he can voice his feelings. Josh doesn’t have that upbringing. Like, a lot of the time I think Josh has Zach and no one else and now he feels like he doesn’t even have Zach.

Also, hopefully we all know by now that autistic people are MORE LIKELY TO BE THE VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE than they are to be violent themselves. And psychopaths and sociopaths are also uh... not commonly or inherently violent, either.

If they wanted to make a film about a psychopath, I feel like they could have done it with more attention and tact (and also like... maybe not made him one that murders people), but as it stands Josh is not the main focal point of the film, adding to the confusion of the ending.

Anyway I would like to talk about this more.

Again, I’m not a professional and I am open and willing to hear other people’s criticisms of this theory (if you’re polite), and would love to talk about all this more in general. Like I said, my headcanon of Josh as autistic might just be me. I’m not saying it’s fact.

Disclaimer #875 I really do love this film. I’m not trying to call anyone out, I’m more just wanting to discuss this as the theory of the film itself because I really don’t think any harm was intended here by anyone, I think it was just more a case of unfortunate ignorance.

[ackerfics]

hi! i don’t know if you’re taking requests but if you are would you be interested in a soulmate au with mikasa. i adore soulmates au a lot! mikasa x fem!reader (aot cast reincarnated into the modern world and they get to have a happy and not stressful life)

she is half of my soul, as the poets say  — mikasa ackerman

— mikasa ackerman x female reader (soulmate au)

— warnings: none, just fluff

— summary: you finally found each other.

— word count: 3.2k

— author’s notes: thank you so much for the request !! i hope you enjoy reading this because i had a blast putting this all together. plus, i couldn't help but place a quote from 'the song of achilles' bc that was a masterpiece.

Underwater.

Your surroundings were submerged in the depths of the ocean to you.

The professor in front of the lecture hall continued his lesson in a cacophony of white noise. The occasional flipping of textbooks and the clacking of the keyboard droned, a majority of the students tried taking down what the middle-aged man was reciting. You should be doing those, too, but there was something about your day that made you want to skip class and bury yourself in a mound of blankets. The air-conditioning wasn’t helping at all, it just made you drift away, even more, images of flying people and humanoid giants flickering through your mind. Even your vision was becoming blurry as you stared at the seat in front of you, not noticing how your Ethics professor dismissed your class with a reminder of the paper that was due the following week. You were still seated as most of the students stood up, eager to spend the rest of their day inside their dormitories and apartments.

“[Name].” Somebody called out to you but the raw feeling of swinging in midair acted like a bubble, keeping you from going back to reality. The voice groaned in frustration at your lack of response. “Earth to [Name]! Hey, wake up!”

You shook out of your stupor with a blink, turning your head slowly at the person waiting for you. You took in her casual attire, so different from the daydream you were in. At first, you didn’t know about your whereabouts, making you look around the lecture hall — empty except for the two of you and the professor at front. The feeling of confusion once again dominated your sound mind as you breathed out, “Where am I? I thought I was just outside in this desert and I was surrounded by people who were crying like they were a hopeless case. Then there was someone screaming my name, saying they wouldn’t let me go.”

The person pursed their lips, concerned and slightly creeped out at the nonsense coming out of your mouth. There weren’t any deserts near you right now because you two were in the middle of the city, inside a university. The way you phrased those words sounded like a plot from an apocalyptic movie you were bound to binge during academic breaks. There were accounts scattered around the internet about reincarnation that the person drank in the early hours of dawn when they couldn’t go to sleep but witnessing it in front of them, was another whole level of conspiracy theories. A hand was planted on your shoulder, your friend smiling sympathetically at you, knowing that you sometimes have these episodes inside your shared apartment. The look you gave them was enough to erase the wariness bubbling in your friend’s stomach, which spurred them to gather your things and placing them inside your backpack. Your friend worked in silence, however, they were aware of the stare you never took off from the side of their head.

“In case you don’t remember me,” your friend looked up at you with a twinkle of mischief in their irises, “I’m Hitch and I’m your roommate.” She was speaking to you as if you were a toddler, something that made annoyance tickle your chest.

“Hitch?” You mumbled, looking down on your lap for a solid minute until you gasped out loud, the sound echoing inside the lecture hall without any warning. The professor looked up from his seat, glare already in place at the disruption you caused. You buried your face in your hands, face erupting in hues of red because of the embarrassment creeping in your throat. “Oh, my God, don’t tell me I did it again.”

Hitch nodded with a shrug. “I mean, I’m used to your episodes but it always amazed me how you wake up from them all disoriented.” Finishing with her task of tidying your bag, she pulled on your arm. “I think I should record whatever you say next time, this could be my viral moment.” When you gave her a dry glare, she laughed. “Oh, come on, think of the possibilities! But pushing that aside, let’s have dinner first.”

“Hitch, it’s only four in the afternoon.”

She scoffed lightheartedly. “We can always have a midnight snack later. Right now, I’m craving something savory.” The two of you went outside the lecture hall’s door, not missing the look of relief from your Ethics professor as you linked your arm with Hitch’s. She turned to you expectantly. “Any ideas for dinner, bub?”

There was a churning feeling inside your stomach, very much like those life-and-death situations during exams where you rely on your gut for the correct answer if the test includes multiple-choice questions. This time, instead of the nagging voice telling you to encircle the first choice, your gut was telling you to head to the café near your university. Aside from their famous coffee blends and teas (the latter being one of their specialties), the café houses a variety of dishes in its menu, which doesn’t make them a café anymore but the owner still insisted that they’ll be known as that establishment. It was more of a restaurant than your regular coffee shop, making it a hit among the students in the University of Eldia, where a majority of the student body was either caffeine-dependent or reliant on fast food take-outs. The quaint café owned by Levi Ackerman was the perfect solution to yours and Hitch’s grumbling stomachs. 

“How about the café just outside of uni?” You suggested, hoping that Hitch will consider the idea.

The said girl hummed, a finger placed on her chin. “The one owned by that grumpy short-stack?” 

“Hey, that’s rude.”

Hitch shrugged without care, hoisting her tote bag up to her shoulder. “Even his cousin calls him that, you know?” At your raised eyebrow, all Hitch could do was laugh at your adorable, clueless expression. Between the two of you, the light-haired girl was the social butterfly in your friendship and you wouldn’t be surprised if she even had an inkling of the gossips happening around your year level. 

“Relax, his cousin is a good person (that is if she doesn’t kill you with her blank stare), along with their little friendship circle. I must say, all of them look so adorable. You remember Annie, right?” She continued when she saw you nod, the mention of the blonde made you remember your time when the three of you shared your apartment. It was a good kind of chaotic, the three of you balancing out each other’s personalities. Annie was always the indifferent one, Hitch the most sociable, and you being the mediator of the two. “She’s dating one of Mikasa’s friends, Armin. Mikasa is the cousin, by the way, and I can clearly see the resemblance between her and the café’s owner. With the permanent scowl and all.”

“Uh-huh.”

You didn’t know what to do with the information so you only hummed and nodded your head every time Hitch spewed out a couple of trivia involving people you have heard down the hallways or being called during roll-calls. She even told you how one of Mikasa’s friends, Sasha Braus, was reprimanded for eating inside the class of an infamous terror teacher, which landed the girl on that professor’s blacklist. The girl, Sasha, was actually in one of your classes but you never really talked to her, all of your attention poured out into absorbing what the teacher relayed in the class. All of Hitch's ramblings spanned the entirety of your walk to the café — a talent your roommate has that amazed you every time it happened. 

The smell of cinnamon greeted you once you stepped inside the café, the homey decorations making your heart warm in an instant. There were a couple of college students in separate tables, all of them draping their textbooks and readings in front of them, headphones plugged in despite the soothing background music brought by the café’s speakers. Now that you mention it in your head, midterms were coming up in a month and you hadn’t started organizing your revisions. As your mind was filled with the scent of flowers and coffee, Hitch tugged on the sleeves of your blouse, your light-haired friend wordlessly gesturing her head towards one of the empty tables overlooking the window showing the small garden beside the café. You nodded and flashed a thumbs-up, already knowing what Hitch’s order is the number of times she went home with take-outs from this establishment.

Thinking that you should order something for a change, you looked up at the menu board above the counter. With your order listed in your mind, you faced the person manning the counter, ready to relay your order to her. What greeted you, though, wasn’t a smiling cashier, instead, wide gray eyes stared at you with a slacked jaw — irises flecked with an emotion that sent your heart lurching inside your chest. She was a tall girl with muscles in the right places, black hair styled in a pixie cut that made you appreciate her features more. You faintly recalled that she was in one of your majors, which should explain the air of familiarity surrounding her. Her hands on the small notepad hovered over the current lilac paper, her posture rod straight as her breath hitched while staring into you. You weren’t sure what made her react like that so you slightly tilted your head back to look at the booths behind you. Hitch caught your eyes, raising her eyebrow in a silent question. Facing the counter attendant again, you were shocked to see that star-like tears were decorating her eyelashes, chapped lips wobbly. 

It felt like you’ve seen that expression too many times but you were sure this was the first time you saw her face to face.

“Oi, Mikasa, why are you stalling?” A short black-haired man entered the space behind the counter, arms crossed and gaze questioning as he took in the breaking form of his employee. “It’s been a full minute and you still didn’t take the customer’s order.” 

“Can I stay in the breakroom for a while?”

Your breath was taken away at the sound of her voice. It sounded like all four seasons were present in the soft-spoken tone she carried, very different from her tough physical appearance. You were left staring at her back, chest nearly bursting open because of how fast your heart pounded just from that sentence. Images of late-night trysts played in your head; of secret kisses that created an ocean of emotions inside you; of eyes looking at each other with tendrils of hope before the gates open, death beckoning you in its arms; of desperate promises, neither person could ever keep. All of them were so familiar and nostalgic that a swarm of butterflies was starting to infest your ribs and chest, sprouting flowers that clogged your throat from speaking. 

Levi glanced at you, eyes analyzing your form with a hint of concern for his relative and wondering what made Mikasa act like that. “Sure, go ahead, brat, your friends are at the back. Hello, ma’am, I’ll be taking your order.”

“Oh, sure,” you murmured before beginning to list down the food you and Hitch will be indulging in, eyes curiously staring at the girl going inside the breakroom. “Uhm, is she going to be alright?” You tried asking Levi, who only looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “It looks like she had a fright here.”

“It’s the first time I saw her in that state, to be honest,” Levi simply answered, with no room for other discussions. “Your drinks will be served shortly.” He gave you a small gadget, his pointer finger pushing a button on the device, making it light up in a blinding red. “Once your drinks are ready, this will light up and you can get it here on the counter. Thank you for your patronage.”

“Thank you, too.”

It was only when you seated yourself in front of Hitch that you realized Mikasa’s voice sounded like the one always shouting your name in your daydreams, failing to keep the promise of never letting you go.

-

Mikasa was a mess.

First, before waking up for her 7 A.M. class one autumn day, she was haunted by the memories of her previous life (or this is what Armin told her, with him also remembering being born again from a different timeline, another universe altogether rather). In that more outdated version of this world, they were on the constant grapple with these beings called Titans. Her dreams became more complex the more time passed by as these Titans disappeared, replacing with it a looming war between two countries. Her daydreams always resulted in tear-stained cheeks, eyes then finding her best friend who started a mass genocide in their previous lives, Eren. When Mikasa remembered that part of her last life, she would often find herself staring deeply at the side of Eren’s head, resulting in the brown-haired man complaining about her soulless eyes. It looked like Eren didn’t remember it, which nearly drove Mikasa mad. 

Until that day Eren came up to her after a three-hour lecture, all haggard with his man-bun in disarray, and shouting, “I’m so sorry for laughing at you, Mikasa! I had a dream during a lecture of those titan things you and Armin are talking about. I believe you!”

Second, the warmth of somebody was a constant in balancing out the horrors of her daydreams. Among the carnage, a body fitting against hers with the morning rays passing through the slit of the windows was a sight she didn’t want to wake up from. Threads of soft hair tickled her cheek, making way for an unforgettable shade of irises that she compared to the crystals they found underneath the Reiss estate. A smile so vibrant that it paled in comparison to the blue expanse of unknown waters they saw after killing all the Titans in Paradis. The smell of freshly picked flowers lingered in the air, acting like the comforting blanket Mikasa had when she was young. At first, she couldn’t see the face of the person but as the episodes became more vivid, Mikasa finally saw the woman of her dreams. 

Pulchritudinous — that’s what you are.

After that encounter with you in the café, Mikasa immediately talked everything out with her two friends.

“So you’re saying that you kind of knew her but you don’t?” Eren pointed out after a spoonful of ice cream. “This is some conspiracy theory shit right here.”

“Eren,” Armin sighed. “This is not one of those videos you watch at 3 A.M., okay?” The blonde glanced at the last member of their little trio, who was pacing in front of them with a queasy expression on her face. “Mikasa, I know you feel like you’re in a pinch but please calm down.”

Eren leaned forward and took a spoonful of ice cream from the tub on the low table. “It’s no use, Armin. You know Mikasa.” He nodded his head towards the said girl. “Once she enters that state, we can’t do anything about it.”

“I know,” Armin trailed off, dejected.

Mikasa buried her hands through her hair. “This was so unexpected.”

“Clearly,” Eren dryly stated.

The blue-eyed boy beside him instantly hit the back of his head. “Eren!”

Mikasa stopped pacing, not hearing how Eren exclaimed ‘finally’, her face and neck erupting in a warm shade of red that made her two friends exchange a concerned glance. Placing a hand on her pounding chest, she murmured with half-lidded eyes, “She’s much more beautiful than my dreams depicted her to be.”

Armin breathed out a silent ‘oh’ while Eren snickered, “Great, she turned into a simp,” to which the former slapped another hand at the back of the green-eyed boy’s head.

“That explains it,” the black-haired girl exclaimed. “There were times where a voice inside my head tells me to be at this specific place at a specific time.” (“I’m concerned,” Eren stage-whispered to Armin.) “While applying for this university, I had a feeling that I should take up medical sciences. Every time I’m at the campus, I will always find myself in the library after five o’clock and there are instances that I would search the tables. And you guys know how I hate helping Levi in the café.” Eren and Armin nodded as if they were children. “I just realized that she was always there, I can see her now. Why did I miss her when all this time, I was meant to find her? And now that she’s finally in the café right when I told Levi that I felt like helping the shop, I ran away! I’m such an idiot!” Mikasa then sunk on one of the plush chairs, her groans mingling with the gloomy atmosphere she created.

“You’re not an idiot, Mikasa,” Armin told her, to which she replied with an aggravated groan.

“Yeah, you’re not an idiot, you’re just having a gay panic moment,” Eren casually announced. Both of his friends slowly turned their heads toward him. He stared right back, blinking as he shrugged. “You have to admit, I’m not wrong.”

“You’re not helping right now.”

“I’m just stating a fact, Armin!”

The blonde boy rolled his eyes. “So what are you going to do about this, Mikasa?”

“About Eren?”

“No,” Armin shook his head. “Eren will be fine with his two brain cells.”

“Hey, I’m right here.”

Armin rolled his eyes and fixed his gaze on his gray-eyed best friend. “So are you going to tell [Name] that you two are star-crossed lovers pre-destined since your previous lives?”

The confidence she gained the day before during that conversation with her childhood friends dissipated as Mikasa awkwardly stood in the middle of the university’s library, eyes widely staring at you, who was browsing the shelves for the reference material for your papers. She didn’t expect to meet you this suddenly. All she was supposed to do was borrow a reference material and there she realized that the two of you share the same major so most of your schedule line up with one another — the both of you share a free period. Almost as if you were surrounded by a magnetic field, Mikasa went in your direction, her heart matching her footsteps. Meters became feet as she looked at your captivating figure. Even with a shirt tucked inside a pair of jeans, you are still the most beautiful girl inside the library. 

And as you lifted your gaze, your glinting irises meeting her gray ones, Mikasa swore her orbit was waiting for this moment to be tilted to you.

Tears were immediately present in your eyes when she stood in front of you, it was as if you remembered her.

“Hey,” Mikasa breathed shakily, hands gripping the strap of her backpack.

“Hey, starlight.”

That nickname. The one you blurted out when Mikasa invited you stargazing in the meadow beside the Survey Corps Headquarters. You said it suited her because her eyes reminded you of the glow of the stars forming a canopy above you. But for her, you were brighter than any star in the sky, you were an entire cosmos altogether. “You became a part of me the moment I laid my eyes on you in our town. Right then and there — wherever you go, I’ll go. Because I know, I’m a part of you as well.”

“You finally found me.”

You are half of her soul, as the poets say, and the Fates will do everything in their power that it stays like that for eternity. 

[x-x-just-a-little-witchyy-x-x]

Circle Casting

Circle-casting is one of the foundational skills of Wicca and witchcraft. Often, it’s one of the first things that newbies learn to do as part of their training.

But circle-casting is a complex idea, even though the techniques are rather simple. Whether you’re casting a circle for the first time or thousandth time, it never hurts to think about what, exactly, you’re doing and why. In this article, we’ll get “back to basics” on circle-castings, and also consider some of the finer points of building the Witch’s circle.

What is circle-casting?

Circle-casting refers to the practice of setting up a temporary space for magick or ritual. It is, by definition, round. Circle-casting is a term that’s most commonly used in Wiccan traditions, but other magick users may cast circles, as well. The magick circle is a mobile temple, a place apart from the ordinary world where magickal happenings can more easily occur.

Generally speaking, the circle is put up at the beginning of the rite by the leading priest and/or priestess. Solo practitioners cast circles, too. At the end of the ritual, the circle is released. (More on that later.)

A circle is a psychic boundary. You can’t see it with your normal five senses. However, a properly cast circle is detectable energetically and/or clairvoyantly by someone who has those skills. The magick circle is said to extend through the worlds—not just the physical plane, but the astral planes as well.

Why cast a circle?

There all kinds of factors that can interfere with ritual magick: Distractions from the mundane world, the contrary wills of others, chaotic entities that feed off the Witch's efforts, just to name a few. Casting a circle is one way to shut out disruptive influences and stay focused on the work. Magickal trance can be a psychically vulnerable state, so many Witches cast the circle with psychic protection in mind.

Just as important as the circle’s outer barrier is its inner one. Magickal energy—like all energy that we know about—tends to bounce around and scatter off into the Universe. Motion is its natural habit. The whole point of ritual is to concentrate some of that energy temporarily, for a purpose. A circle allows you to gather more energy up and hold onto it longer. If your work involves the evocation of spirits or deities, a well-built circle offers them a cozy place to land for the duration of the rite.

We can summarize all this by saying a magick circle has two main purposes: To keep disturbances out, and to keep the energy of the ritual in. This is certainly a vast oversimplification. So we’ll do it one worse and say the circle is a tool to make your magick stronger.

I’ve heard the circle described as a vessel, a workbench, a fence, a welcome mat, a spaceship, a gate, a bubble, and many other metaphors. Like the story of the blind men and the elephant, all of these words describe something about the circle, without really being a complete explanation of what it is.

How do you cast a circle?

There are simple and complex ways to cast a circle (and all points in between). You can cast a circle with tools or without, either aloud or silently. All methods of circle-casting require concentration or visualization, and a commitment to the belief that the circle is real.

A traditional circle has four cardinal points, set equidistant around the circle’s circumference. They are linked to the four directions, the four Elements, and the Wiccan seasonal calendar. I think of the Quarters as ancient intelligences that appear in many of the world's religions. If you prefer, you can think of them as tent poles that balance the circle’s shape and energy.

These are all common practices in circle-casting: Visualizing the boundaries of the circle, walking the circumference of the circle, cutting a barrier with a knife or sword, calling the Quarters, lighting candles, placing objects around the edge of the circle, ritual cleansing of the space inside. Your casting may use a few of these elements, or all of them.

The following is an example of a very simple circle-casting technique: Visualize a ring of light at the edges of your ritual space. The light burns and purifies the space within the circle. Take some deep breaths, and focus on the pulse of energy within your body. Feel the heat and light of your own energy expand with every exhalation. That light also has a fiery, purifying effect on the space between you and the circle. When you feel the warm edges of your own energy reach that boundary of the circle, clap your hands together and say, “As I will, the circle is cast.”

Some people prefer to cast the circle with the aid of various tools: The athame, a length of cord, stones or candles for each of the quarters. These items can be very helpful in setting up the boundaries of the circle.

The larger and more public the ritual, the more tools tend to be used, since attendees may not be accustomed to the ins and outs of circle-casting. Large public circles often use multiple callers, altars at the Quarters, chants and written evocations to help make the circle more visible.

There is no method that is better than the others. The strength of the circle will depend on the will of the participants and other factors (such as the psychic geography of the place where the circle is cast).

Is circle-casting necessary for magick?

No, certainly not. The magick circle is not used in every tradition. Norse, Kemetic (Egyptian), and many shamanic and folk magick practitioners work just fine without one. Circle-casting is a useful technology, not a hard-and-fast rule.

The Witch’s magick circle is a legacy from the grimoires of Western ceremonial magick, what is sometimes called Solomonic magick. Its original purpose was to protect the conjuror from demons and fallen angels, and to assert the authority of God over such rebellious spirits. This commanding, adversarial approach to magick is now out of step with how many magicians view their relationship with the spiritual world.

Among Wiccans and others who do cast circles, most will say that not every act of magick requires a full-blown circle-casting. Meditation and devotional practices (such as giving offerings) often take place outside of the formal circle. Experienced Witches may choose to cast a circle only when they feel they need the extra protection and focus.

Can a circle cast itself? This is a fascinating topic! While circle-casting is far from universal, the concept of the aura, or energetic field around the body, has traction within many more spiritual paths. Many people have observed or felt this permeable barrier of energy. If you think of the magick circle as an extension of the aura, circle-casting becomes a lot less Wicca-specific.

When working magick with others outside of a formal circle, I’ve sometimes noticed the collected energy take on a circle-like shape. (Or a blob, at least). Other have commented on this phenomenon, too. It may be that the magick circle is something that forms spontaneously as the energy of the participants knits itself together.

How large should the circle be? What shape?

Nine feet in diameter is the traditional size for the Wiccan circle. Nine, or three times three, is an important number in Wicca. The customary nine-foot ritual cord, folded in half, is anchored in the center and walked around to trace out the circle’s edge. The resulting circle will be just over 27 feet in circumference.

The nine-foot circle is not a commandment, just a suggestion. Feel free to tailor your circle to your needs and the available space.

How small is too small? The circle should be large enough to completely contain the Witch and his or her ritual items. You don’t want to accidentally penetrate the edges of the circle while gesturing or reaching during ritual. For group rituals, you want to leave enough space for people to maintain a comfortable distance from each other. (If that is in fact the goal…no judgement here.)

If you’re working in a bedroom or other small space, the nine-foot circle may not be practical. Cast a circle that fits the space. It’s better to have a circle that’s small and round, rather than a larger one with boundaries that extend through walls, furniture, etc. Ideally, the circle should include the altar (if there is one), ritual tools and nothing else—no other items that could pose a hazard or distraction during the ritual.

Theoretically, there’s no upper limit to the size of a magick circle. But smaller is often better. I’ve worked with groups that cast circles to the edge of a building or field to miminize the disruption from people wandering in or out. These circles are not very round, and they don’t have sharp boundaries. They tend to dissolve well before the ritual is over. Smaller, tighter circles are just easier to visualize and maintain.

Now that we’ve covered circle size, here’s a few words about shape. A lot of people visualize the cast circle as a ring of energy laying on the ground like a hula hoop. Some people visualize it as a vertical tube (or stack of circles) standing up like a paper towel roll. Some people visualize it as a sphere, extending into the ground and up overhead. Some go with a cone, with the circle at its base. That’s all fine. It’s really up to you and how many dimensions of visualization you’re comfortable with.

Circles are made of energy, and there are subtlely different energetic functions to each of these shapes. As you grow more experienced with circle magick, you may find that some shapes are better than others for certain tasks. If you’re working with a group, make sure you’re on the same page, shape-wise.

However, don’t worry about the people who say that a simple two-dimensional circle is inferior or ineffective or dangerous. That’s just wankery. Fundamentally, it’s always intention that matters. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that nobody’s ever died because their ritual circle didn’t have a lid on top. If you intend your circle to be impenetrable and set it up that way, no baddies are going to be hopping the fence like goats in a garden…trust me.

What does being in circle feel like?

Being in a really solid circle is a bit like having an orgasm. You can read about it and get some ideas…but when you have one, you’ll know.

People experience all different kinds of sensations while standing within a ritual circle. Heightened sensations of energy and a distorted sense of time are common. Words, images, and objects within the circle may take on special significance. The boundaries of the circle can feel quite strange—giving off heat, resistance, or a tingling feeling when you approach them. It’s also normal for objects beyond the boundary of the circle to appear hazy or out-of-focus.

Here are some notes about standing inside magickal circles:

Being in circle is like having a lucid dream. It feels real and not-real at the same time.

Being in circle is like being wrapped up in a blanket that smells like you.

Being in circle is like being in an airplane cabin with the pressure turned up too high.

Being in circle is like being very tall and still with your feet deep in the ground and your head among the star.

Being in circle is like looking at an alien planet through frosted glass.

Being in circle is like being able to move while the rest of the world is frozen.

How do you take down a circle?

When the ritual has ended, it’s time for the circle to be taken down. Some Witches call this “opening” the circle, while some call it “closing” the circle. Both phrases mean basically the same thing. The language can be confusing, so I usually seek out other words to describe the dissolution of a magick circle.

Releasing the circle allows the energies contained to dissipate, and the room or patch of ground to return to its pre-ritual state. There are many techniques that can be used to help the energy to disperse, such as ringing a bell or visualizing the walls of the circle dissolving. Gathering ritual tools and putting them away also helps scatter any lingering energy. The sensation of taking down a circle can vary in intensity, from a slow fade to a dramatic rush as the circle collapses back into the aether.

If a formal circle has been cast, formally un-casting it is good form. Often this means following the circle-casting ritual in reverse. For example, say the circle was cast by walking the circumference clockwise, then calling the Quarters, then lighting a candle on the central altar. You could un-cast it by blowing out the candle, releasing the Quarters in reverse order, and finally by walking the circumference counter-clockwise. Ideally, the person or persons who cast the circle should be in charge of taking it down. (If necessary, another person can take over.)

What if you fail to properly shut down the magick circle? It will eventually fade away on its own, usually within minutes or hours. Ley lines, water features, and heavy foot traffic are some of the things that can cause the circle to fade away faster. Temple furnishings, buried crystal or metal deposits, and regular use of an area can slow the dissipation of the circle’s structure. Using a pendulum or dowsing rods can help you detect the presence of lingering energy in a ritual space.

The cast circle is never more than a temporary psychic construction. However, leaving an unattended circle is a weak coda to your magickal working. It also can leave an open portal through which unwanted entities can travel. For best results, always pack up your circle when you’re done.

Information found on: https://www.groveandgrotto.com/blogs/articles/circle-casting-basics-all-you-need-to-know-about-magick-circles

[zedwards]

MOVIE DATES WITH STRAY KIDS

stray kids x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1.8k

warnings: intended for male reader, but can be read as gender neutral; my first fic 👉👈 im nervous; lowercase aesthetic; does “bastard” count as a swear word..?

i hope you enjoy this little gift :)

bang chan

he likes romantic comedies

tbh being chan’s s/o would feel like a romcom of its own

since he doesn’t like crowds, your movie dates together usually wouldn’t involve actually going to the movies

instead you’d probably both opt to stay in for the night and watch a movie on the couch

under multiple blankets

in each other’s arms

hugs and cuddles

with the occasional kiss on the top of your head

it’s so soft

it’s chan :)))

he does the little claps at the end of the movie

because happy endings ^–^

y’know those awkward scenes where the main couple meets for the first time?

he likes to point out which character you were most similar to when the two of you first met

“i didn’t know you were in this movie!”

“you look so different! i could hardly recognize you!”

he’s such a dork

all your movie nights would end in one of three ways:

1.) you falling asleep in his arms

2.) him falling asleep holding you close (yeah not really, this man doesn’t sleep that much T_T)

or 3.) you both make it through the movie, and one of you says something like

“this is nice...i wish we could just stay like this”

and so you both (in theory) fall asleep right where you are

either way, chan is the best boyfriend and neither of you know what you did to deserve each other

lee know

he’d get you to go see a horror movie

even if you protest, he’d manage to convince you somehow

pokes fun at you every time you get scared

during a suspenseful part in the movie, he’d suddenly put his hands on your shoulders and shake you (lightly) out of nowhere, just to startle you

and he’d have to stifle his giggles because your reaction is just too priceless

absolutely relishes in how you never let go of his arm

like ever

seriously, his arm might as well be an extension of your body at this point

he may act like he’s annoyed

but he loves it

cuz he knows it’s because you feel safe with him

and if you hide your face in the crook of his neck

he’d get this look on his face...

something between an evil smirk and an amused grin

why? because his plan is working

plot twist: the whole reason he chose to see a horror movie with you was so that you would cling to him

surprise!! >:]

but even if you catch on, he’ll never admit it

tsundere

“did you even see any of the movie?”

you just kinda grumble in response, still latched onto his arm

“i can’t believe it... i so generously paid for your ticket, only for you to hide your face the whole ti- OW!”

you jab him in the side with your elbow give him a “love tap” :)

but it’ll take more than that to get him to stop teasing you about it

he’s a cocky bastard but you love him to death for it

seo changbin

superhero movie!!!

like something from the mcu

seeing him get so excited/invested in the movie??

wholesome

but he might get a little too excited

in other words, going to the movies with changbin is an...interactive experience

meaning that he talks at the movie

not to the movie, but at the movie

like...he talks at the characters on screen

as if they can hear him

honestly it’s kinda cute

but occasionally you have to remind him to keep his voice down

“HE TRIED TO TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE STONE”

“shhhh alright calm down a bit-”

“...AND NOW YOU DEAD”

“changbin i love you but please don’t get us kicked out of the theater”

10/10 would have his arm around you throughout the movie

even if his arm goes numb, he’d refuse to let anything stop him

“changbin, you don’t have t-”

“CUDDLES.”

lowkey feels like a pillow

bc he beefy

on very rare occasions he might fall asleep during the movie

if he does end up dozing off and you catch him in the act, he’d deny it profusely

he likes to spontaneously slip his hand into yours :)

and lace your fingers together :))

you’re holding hands now :)))

his presence is just so warm and fuzzy and you make each other so happy

hwang hyunjin

THIS MAN

the funnest(?) most fun bf in existence

he’s definitely the type to try and smuggle outside food into the theater

he insists that he’s inconspicuous about it

and he tries to be

but he’s not :)

“uh... hyunjin, why are you wearing two hoodies?”

“i uh... i’m... cold?”

“so you’re sticking bags of microwaveable popcorn in between your sweatshirts...to keep warm?”

*visibly sweating* “i can explain...”

ok ok

so y’all seeing a comedy

why?

because HIS LAUGH OMG

it’s so bubbly and contagious

so naturally, you’d both be laughing up a storm at the back of the theater

and sometimes it’s because of the movie

but most of the time it’s because of the side comments the two of you keep making to each other

and it doesn’t help that he keeps making these ridiculous observations about the characters in the movie

“what’s up with that guy?”

“what about him?”

“why is he built like a refrigerator?”

about halfway through the movie, you both reach that delirious state where literally anything and everything becomes funny

even if it’s not supposed to be funny

...especially if it’s not supposed to be funny

the two of you? lowkey hyenas

long story short, you’re both asked to leave the theater not even two hours into the film :)

han jisung

action!! movie!!

finishes the popcorn within the first ten minutes of the film

that is, if he doesn’t scarf it all down during the previews

he talks through the entIRE THING

he’s always got something to say

it’s like watching the director’s commentary version of a movie

but instead of the director talking about the film-making process

it’s jisung muttering nonsense in your ear

sometimes pertaining to the movie

and other times...

“hey did i ever tell you about the time i saw a seagull eating garbage?”

...yeah, other times it’s...not

either way, you don’t mind

because you aren’t really paying much attention to the movie anyways

you’re too busy admiring your boyfriend

how could you not?

the way he’s on the edge of his seat, giving the movie his full attention...

the light from the screen flickering dimly on his face, highlighting his gentle features...

you’re the luckiest person in the world, no doubt

his eyes light up whenever something particularly cool/badass happens in the movie

but he also gets startled by the explosions every now and then

when that happens, you just look at each other for a moment

and then burst into a fit of giggles

“stoooppp!! it was loud, ok??”

you just hum in response and rest your head on his shoulder

y’know that thing he does where like...

he’s giggling, but he has something he wants to say, so he keeps trying to talk?

but his words keep getting cut off by his own laughter?

yeah... that’s what he’s doing

he’s adorable

lee felix

animated movie

a firm believer that you’re never too old to enjoy cartoons

he never lost that child-like energy/enthusiasm, which is part of what makes him such a gem

so of course, when the new disney movie came out, he knew he had to go see it with you

he would definitely load up on snacks from concessions

if you don’t stop him, he’s gonna be buying two giant things of popcorn and at least five different kinds of candy

and when he walks back to you after paying, he’d just smile brightly from behind the mountain of junk food in his hands like

“snacks :D!!!!!”

seriously though, try to keep track of how much popcorn he eats

bc he might overeat and get a stomachache :((

obviously he can take care of him self, cuz he’s an adult

but like

he loves when you look out for him

because he knows just how much you care about him

sunshine boy :((

y’all already know how much of a cuddle bug this man is

so of course that means lots of cute, affectionate gestures during the movie

skinship

holding hands

you resting your head on his shoulder

and him resting his head on top of your head

and most importantly SNUGGLES

snuggles are a must

for him, movie dates are just an excuse to be extra touchy with you

even though he never needs an excuse to get cuddles whenever he wants

because c’mon

it’s felix

what are you gonna do, say no?

kim seungmin

murder mystery film

tends not to talk all that much during movies

he’d just be so completely engrossed in the movie that he’d forget about his surroundings

but that’s not to say he won’t hold your hand or drape his arm over your shoulders

every now and then you can catch him leaning forward in his seat

with his mouth slightly ajar

it’s so endearing

but if for whatever reason you want to get his attention...

heh...

yeah, good luck with that

you’d have to maybe give his hand a lil squeeze to get his attention

and at first he’d just turn his head in your direction, keeping his eyes glued to the movie

but if you gave his hand another squeeze, he’d snap out of it

“psst...seungmin”

“mm.”

“hey, seungmin?”

“huh? yeah?”

“i love you”

if that doesn’t make his heart SWELL—

his dazed expression would quickly shift into one of pure elation and fondness

he might not respond verbally

but he’d gently bring your hand up to his lips

press a soft kiss atop your knuckles

and then lower your hand again without letting go, turning his attention back to the movie

but that bright smile of his would never falter for even a moment

he loves you too

so so much :)

yang jeongin

another one for romantic comedies

he likes it when there’s a little less “rom” and slightly more “com”

and so do you

because it means you get to hear his laugh more

oh god...

his laugh

the little giggles in between the short gasps for air...

so cute

“no. i’m not cute.”

he is very cute

probably won’t initiate any skinship

but if you do, he will absolutely go along with it

sometimes he’ll nod off in the middle of a movie

and then wake up during the credits, completely disoriented

“where am i”

“you fell asleep”

“huh??”

“you drooled a little on my shoulder, you goof”

unlike hyunjin, he’s really good at sneaking food into the theaters

like really really good

almost to the point that it’s scary

usually people try to sneak in popcorn or candy or maybe soda

well not jeongin

“hey, you want some?”

“what the- HOW DID YOU GET A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN IN HERE”

“:]”

he’s not telling

like or reblog if you enjoyed ^^ feedback is always welcome and very much appreciated!

[dystopiandilfs]

I find it interesting how each Feral boy is with DreamSMP lore and how they approach it if they do. This is also some ideas and improvements. This is all my opinion and you don't have to agree or disagree.

Disclaimer this will be me using comparisons as it makes it easier to explain. This isn't me saying one person is better than another. Some might be negative points, some will be positive so no critical tags sorry. Even with me once again expressing my strong negative opinions on Tales. The idea is good the execution is not.

This is based off of multiple things; Character story, Character traits, Lore?, Plot holes, Fan theories, General enjoyment, Viewer impact, Clear goals etc

Dream seems to enjoy it the most as he offers to join everyone's lore as well as helping when he can and also trying to include others into "main" lore He also has managed to create a character with a full storyline without not once streaming from his perspective. He's very good at doing things that may seem small at the time but ends up having a huge impact. He manages to have a full storyline and a complete character but still leaves room for theories and headcanons for people to add on (Dreamon my beloved 💕). Because we don't see his perspective we don't know his intentions or goals so he's made his character detailed but mysterious which is actually quite difficult as he's the main character (Sorry Ranboo but it's true)

When it comes to acting he's very good at staying in character even when things get a bit scuffed obviously there's a few moments of breaking character but they're not him trying to get others to break character with jokes and voices they're genuine fuck ups (Accidentally blowing himself up and breaking character to both clear up confusion about it being canon and to switch from a tense atmosphere to give the audience a break for a bit and breaking character to say his Twitch handle after accidentally breaking TOS so George didn't get banned)

Dream said he's got a storyline from his perspective and it's all prerecorded which I'm excited for as I think it's going to be a bunch of flashbacks which could expand both character backstory but also create more storylines for people to bounce off of. For example if he did a flashback with some of the OG members they could build from that. It could give more of an explanation of why he changed. Essentially Dream's lore could be a bunch of behind the scene clips giving more lore for characters like him discussing the egg or prison with Sam, him and Punz talking more about the deal, him and Techno , him and Puffy, him and Ranboo. Dream is the main character because literally ever other character can do a flashback scene with him and build a whole storyline from it. For example Dreamon Hunters can be bought back in which already was linked to the Egg by Fundy. To sum it up Dream's lore from his perspective can not only made way for multiple new theories and headcanons but also is the easiest way for other characters to have more dimension even with a 20 second clip. And it gives more context to Dream as a character. Disclaimer this isn't me saying people can only be dimensional characters because of Dream I'm saying that Dream is the easiest way for someone to start a storyline that they can then work on if they want.

Quackity can do lore if he puts his mind to it. However it also has to rely on multiple things. Who the lore is with?, How serious is it? And What's the vibe? Basically if Quackity is with people who don't do serious lore or people who crack jokes often then his lore won't have that good quality lore I know it can be. For example Quackity's lore with Sam and Dream couldn't be replicated with most other people on the server. I can't even imagine if Karl and George were trying to do the prison lore. Even in Quackity's big stream you can see this difference Schlatt's bit dragged on and often got derailed because whilst they were both interested in the lore they weren't invested. The bit with BBH was a bit all over the place because they were both talking over each other and you could sort of tell it had little to no script or end goal but this was also partly down to them both being very into lore. They both tried to stick to their pre-existing character traits which clash Vs the Prison which had a clear script even if it was vague. Go to prison, convince Sam to bring weapons, Go torture Dream. Sam, Dream and Quackity are 3 of the most mysterious characters who have no clear plans, you can't predict their moves which is why any lore with them is good because they don't have a character personality that they have to stick to. For example Dream is known to adapt for each person so he could be nice one minute and demon child next.

Once Quackity has broken character he used to completely lose it. The vibe was gone however I was highly impressed with how he and Sam managed to keep the vibe when the prison broke. Previously Quackity would have lost his shit and derailed everything. I do think Quackity's strongest lore point is going with other strong lore members or just being on his own.

George and Sapnap I'm going to sort of link together. They both seen to be a bit meh on lore. I think it genuinely depends on what mood they're in. I also think that they'll both be much more comfortable doing lore that's prefilmed Vs live on stream.

Sapnap is very good at bouncing off of people so I think he'd be really good at lore with most people. I think Sapnap could definitely capitalise on the angst of being the abandoned one who is loyal to death but doesn't have the same in return. Like Dream both Sapnap and George are good at voice manipulation meaning if they want sad angst they can sound upset. Sapnap seems more tempted to do on the spot lore so he can't back out so that's another option. Like Sapnap has multiple headcanons handed to him and I know this bitch can act his little yeehaw soul out. Even if it's short clips talking to people like Punz or Sam who he seems closest to.

George has this strange ability to kickstart ideas for lore and then let's others build from it. (Also his ability for all of his lore to have a LGBTQ subtext like pack it up Dean Winchester) I genuinely don't think it's intentional however I think with a bit of thought he can have a general well rounded character. I know he did that lore the other day and has started to build up a character background however I think he's better with less serious lore people as I don't think he can do serious mood streams like Dream or Ranboo but can potentially hold it long enough for a bit like Techno or Phil. I think George's weakness is he'd rather someone else guide him through lore instead of doing it himself. Man really doesn't like being the main character.

Karl seems to want to do lore but doesn't have the ability to create it. He has all these ideas but can't form a proper story about it. I used to have this issue where I had all these cool bullet point ideas but I could never form a cool idea with them and I think Karl has the same issue. In my opinion if Karl does want to continue with Tales and bullet point ideas I think he needs help formulating a bit more of a story. Once again like Sapnap and George I think he excels in prerecorded lore however it's also either heavily scripted or he's having his hand held through it. Which is fine but that's why a lot of people can't connect Tales to DreamSMP as his streams are the only ones that are heavily scripted and it gives off a different vibe. Karl is also too bubbly to crack down on serious lore which is fine not all lore needs to be serious and angsty however he tries to make it deep. I personally think that Karl should capitalise on this uwu soft boy persona he has. No deep lore. Obviously choosing memory loss time travel involves serious moments but I think he needs to split it more between dark angst and wholesome Karlnapity moments. What I mean is that Karl on DreamSMP and Tales Karl seem like 2 completely different characters that just so happen to share a name. I think the prerecorded bit at the end needs to begin to add his DreamSMP personality a bit more.

TLDR: Dream is strongest lore, Quackity works best with serious lore with people invested or on his own with a bit of direction, Sapnap and George will probably be better off doing prerecorded lore as it seems more comfortable for them, Karl struggles to put his ideas into a storyline and would benefit from doing less heavily scripted pre recorded lore to make his storyline cohesive Vs a bunch of one shots.

To sum it up Dream is Hot and should bring back Dreamons, Quackity needs to work more with serious lore people, Sapnap should Capitalise on his loyalty trait and constant abandonment for maximum angst, George should cry on command more, Karl needs spend more time writing instead of paying for builds.

[smashboxgirl26]

vengeance / chapter 9: anxiety

chapter 8: unspoken confession | chapter 10: loving

vengeance masterlist

Bakugou could still feel his heart pounding in his ears as he made his way quickly across the town.

Why hadn't he taken a car? He didn’t know.

Maybe because it felt like he was getting there faster if he was able to blast his way to the edge of the city without getting stuck in traffic.

The urgency to get to the scene was so immediate, it almost gave him whiplash from how his emotions had changed within the past five minutes.

Five minutes ago, he’d been standing in your apartment and ready to open up the last of his walls to you. Ready to show the deepest parts of himself that he thought he’d buried so long ago.

Five minutes ago, he was pissed off at the fact that it was his night off, and that he shouldn’t have been disturbed when he was spending time with you.

But all of that drifted away from the thirty seconds he heard frantic shouting about your name, how he had to come quickly, and how there were pictures of you.

Kirishima’s words were ringing in his ears as he finally spotted a few police cars headed off into the same direction, and he followed them to a old apartment complex that was now flooded with heroes, civilians, and cops alike.

He quickly controlled his blasts to bring him to a stop in front of the building, uncaring of the few dirty looks he was getting from the officers. He knew they were sneering at him from the sidelines because this part of town was technically out of his jurisdiction. And normally, he wouldn’t give a flying fuck about stomping over there and creating a scene to silence their dirty looks.

But he couldn’t. You were the only one on his mind.

He quickly caught wind of Kirishima’s notorious hair above the crowd, and jogged his way over to him quickly.

Kirishima immediately returned his confused looks with a grimace before he explained the situation.

“The police said that they received a 911 call at 8 o’ clock, stating that there was a girl in danger at the address of this apartment and that they needed to check out the scene immediately,” Kirishima started as he lead Bakugou through the crowd of people standing about the entrance of the building. “Now normally, those kinds of calls would be ignored since the person who called hung up immediately after they said that. But the operators reported that they had received multiple calls for the same apartment reporting a disturbance. They said it sounded like a fight.”

Bakugou nodded along as he listened to Kirishima. They’d finally made their way to the entrance of the building, where some reporters had snuck in and were trying to interview other heroes and policemen on the situation.

“So the police sent one of their cars out to investigate the apartment they said the disturbance was coming from, and I uh… I think you should see it for yourself,” Kirishima gestured to the opened apartment door in front of them.

Bakugou shot him a sidelong glare before stepping in.

“S’ filthy,” he sneered, giving a pointed stare at the dirty clothes that were littering the small living room. He wasn’t going to give it a second look but something very blatantly caught his eye.

It was a red pair of lacy panties that was mixed into the jumbled mess of clothes, blatantly sticking out of the drab colors, and he kneeled down to get a closer look. They seemed familiar, somehow.

“Tut tut,” he heard from across the room.

His glare was immediately directed towards the sound of the disapproval coming from the doorway between the bathroom and the kitchen.

Of fucking course this side of town lies in Monoma’s jurisdiction.

“Of course you’d be one to start handling evidence without thinking about the consequences of your actions,” he said condescendingly.

“Look man,” Kirishima immediately stated. “I know this isn’t even part of our area but please don’t start this right now. You know what the situation is.”

Monoma only rolled his eyes as he shoved his way past the two to head out the door.

“Have fun.”

The room was silent for a few moments, as Bakugou left the panties on the floor and inspected the rest of the room. He didn’t like how no one was actually telling him what happened.

“Could we stop tiptoeing around the actual problem and actually show me what’s wrong? Why the hell is Y/N in danger and how is she involved in all this shit?”, he spat, turning his attention to Kirishima immediately.

“Go look in the bedroom.”

Bakugou quickly spun on his heels as he walked to where Kirishima had directed him. He stopped half-hazardly in front of the door, slightly scared over what could possibly be behind it and why it was so bad.

And as soon as he opened the door, his eyes widened at the sight of your face plastered on every single wall in the small room.

That underwear…. That underwear was yours.

He turned back to see Kirishima in the doorway giving him a grimace as he crossed his arms over his chest. He knew how bad it was.

“Who lives here?”, Bakugou’s rough voice broke the small semblance of silence in the small room. He wasn’t asking, he was demanding.

An officer walked past Kirishima and stepped into the room, turning to address Bakugou quickly.

Yours and Bakugou’s relationship wasn’t a secret from the public, and this officer knew exactly who he was dealing with. It didn’t matter in this situation if the area was in Bakugou’s jurisdiction or not because of the subject matter of the case. And he’d rather deal with other officers being annoyed at the pro’s presence than the possibility of getting his arms blown off.

“The landlord said the man who lived here’s name is Ochiro Ito,” the officer replied simply.

“Where is he?” “I apologize sir bu-”

“What the hell are you apologizing for you fucknut?” Bakugou interrupted quickly. “What's the answer to the goddamned question I was asking?”

“He wasn’t here when the police arrived on the scene, sir.”

Kirishima immediately noticed the way Bakugou’s eye began twitching uncontrollably as he stepped closer to the officer. It appeared that he was about to lunge at him and choke him right then and there.

Kirishima quickly ushered the officer out, trying to make sure that he wasn’t present to experience the wrath of the angry blonde.

Well, angry wasn’t the right word.

He looked livid.

His breaths were coming out short and shallow, and it was obvious that every second he stayed in the room was making him angrier. He was about to destroy the whole place and everything in it.

The fact that someone had been violating you, looking at you, even thinking about you in this way was…

He couldn’t even describe it.

It felt like his chest was burning in a way he couldn’t understand. Your smile plastered in front of him didn’t have the effect it normally did. It made the feeling worse. He felt like he was going to collapse and fall to the floor at any second.

The anxiety bubbling up in his chest was becoming overbearing, and his already heavy breathing wasn’t helping calm his mind down in any capacity. Your face was running through his mind currently, and he needed to know you were okay.

All the what ifs in the entire world ran through his mind in that moment, and even as he tried to make a move to call you, or step out the door, or anything, his body refused to listen. He just stood there, breathing heavily.

Kirishima noticed the loud breathing and quickly stepped over to where Bakugou was staring wide-eyed at the ground. He was having an anxiety attack.

“Hey,” Kirishima spoke softly, bringing his hand up to Bakugou’s shoulder. “It’s okay. She’s fine. She’s at home and nothing’s going to happen to her.”

He pressed small circles into Bakugou’s back, trying to bring him out of the state that he was in. It’d been so long since he’d seen him like this.

Bakugou’s breathing began slowing down slightly, as he tried to match his with Kirishima’s. The words he was hearing were helping slightly, but the sinking feeling in his stomach was throwing his mind off.

“Look, the police have already started to look for him okay? Even Monoma said that he’ll tell the others at his agency about what happened and they’ll be helping the investigation. She’ll be fine, I promise.”

Bakugou almost wanted to punch him at that moment. How the hell could he promise that in the first place? Bakugou, himself, had promised that he would always protect you, and look at what was happening. There was some psycho on the loose that had been stalking you for who knows how goddamn long and he had no idea about it.

What was wrong with him? What if this guy had tried something with you? What would have happened then?

‘It’s all my fault. Everything is all my fault. I shouldn’t even be here anymore.’

“Yeah,” was all Bakugou said before he stepped out of the room.

...

The second Bakugou left, you were left staring at the door he’d exited through.

For the second time today, you had no idea what was happening, or where he was going. You had no idea if he was in danger or anything.

After locking the door, you sighed as you leaned back against it.

When would Katsuki finally begin to tell you about these things before he ran off? It’d been 5 years since you’d been together, and you’d known him for even longer. Couldn’t you be trusted with whatever was going on?

Then there was the thing with Midoriya, which he still hadn’t addressed whatsoever. The only information you’d gotten out of that situation was from Midoriya himself. Katsuki had nothing to do with anything you’d learned.

You glanced longingly at the tv, wanting to turn it on and check the news to see if you could find out what was happening.

And at first, you felt almost guilty about it. Katsuki was trying to tell you something before he was interrupted. And it wasn’t like he was going to come back without explaining the situation to you when he walked in.

As you mulled over the idea for a few moments, you became distracted when your phone began ringing.

You walked over to where it sat on the table slowly, staring at the caller slightly confused. It was Camie.

You pressed the accept button and brought it up to your ear slowly, only to be attacked by her shouting into the phone for you to turn on the news quickly.

What if something happened to Katsuki?

“Okay I got it, I will,” you breathed out.

You were trying to sound cool and collected but you felt like you were about to pass out. Katsuki had left in such a rush and there was something that had gone unsaid between the two of you.

You fumbled over the remote as you tried to turn the news channel on quickly, ignoring the other notifications that were coming through the phone, also telling you to turn the news on.

Finally you turned on the news channel, looking at the reporter who was standing outside an old apartment building along with other heroes and officers.

“Good evening, this is Rika Suzumi coming to you live from an apartment building at the edge of downtown, where the stalker of the number four hero, Dynamite’s girlfriend lives. Police were sent down to the scene after numerous calls reporting a fight, followed by someone claiming a woman is in danger. When investigating the apartment of the stalker, it was found that he had many personal items as well as pictures of twenty-five year old Y/N L/N, leading to many heroes to arrive at the scene, including Dynamite himself.

The screen cut away from the reporter to a video of Katsuki walking with Kirishima right beside him. The press was attacking them both with questions, and while Kirishima tried to pacify them, Katsuki looked completely out of it. He had a dazed look and acted like he wasn’t being surrounded.

You glanced down at your phone, only to see that Camie had already hung up.

You only stared back at the tv screen in shock, not knowing what else to do in the situation. Your shoulders slumped as you fell back onto the couch, your eyes giving a glazed stare to the tv in front of you.

The news cut back to the reporter, as she added, “The police have also said that he was nowhere to be found when they arrived at the scene. So if you see this man, going by the name of Ochiro Ito, please contact the authorities immediately.”

When the screen cut to a picture of him, you couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling in your mind that you’d seen him somewhere before.

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[thetriggeredhappy]

in the latest Dad!Spy fic, it seems like both of them have a degree of separation anxiety. largely *reasonable* separation anxiety because of the whole, y'know, Spy (and eventually Scout) being a mercenary thing, but it's still fascinating to see. i wonder how Spy would deal with easing Jeremy's anxiety and his own all the while knowing that he very well COULD be killed and leave his young son alone any time something goes wrong with work

spy as a dad would i think be extremely concerned about his kid’s safety to the point of paranoia, and the worst part of it all would be all the times when his paranoia is justified.

(warnings for discussion of canon-typical violence, none of it happening onscreen, and assorted mention of spy-type business)

-

Something about this felt so deeply... dishonest. Something he couldn’t quite place. Maybe some sense of irony, or... maybe just the sort of general guilt he’d had as a very young man starting to reverberate within him again. Whatever it was, sitting there and writing down the cipher of a message intended to ensure his son’s safety if he died, while that aforementioned son slept soundly against his shoulder, felt deeply morally wrong.

His eighth birthday was coming up. It was, according to Jeremy, a pretty big deal. And Jacques was aware that most children in more average situations would be having a party together, eating cake and playing games and having fun while he theoretically chatted with the other parents and talked about... school, or, extracurriculars. He wasn’t sure, to be honest, that was just his assumption. But Jeremy’s situation was anything but average, so he’d be making an attempt to do something else, something he’d enjoy enough that perhaps he would be able to put off the conversations of “why can’t I have normal friends?” for one more year. He’d heard about and marked down an annual fair, and found that this year the weekend it was taking place just so happened to also fall on Jeremy’s birthday.

It was a good excuse for why they were leaving town so swiftly. Much more justifiable to himself and more explainable to a very-nearly-eight-year-old than whispers on the wind of a pair of men he thought he’d killed twelve years previously being seen within the state and that alone being enough to make him very very nervous. He did not believe in coincidences, and moreover, he knew that him finding out about these men being alive was not an accident, it was a warning, and the only one he would be receiving before they struck to kill.

Regardless, he was still a bit troubled by it. And he knew it was an adjustment from the plans he’d been hesitantly laying for some time on where he would be and when, his route a closely guarded secret meant to be known to exactly three trustworthy people in entirely seperate areas of the world, and even then it was a risk he would never have taken previously. But him going missing would be several degrees more significant, as he’d realized roughly eight years ago.

A movement to shift, trying to keep his arm from falling asleep, was enough to wake up Jeremy, who blinked a few times down at what Jacques was writing as if waiting for the letters to make sense. “Is that Russian?” he mumbled sleepily after two minutes of silence.

“No,” he said, having to pause in his writing entirely, broken from the rhythm he’d gotten into. “It’s a cipher. Secret symbols and letters.”

“Oh,” Jeremy said simply, and went silent and still for long enough that he convinced himself that he’d surely fallen back asleep, and he was a bit startled when he spoke again. “Who are you writing secret symbols at?”

“A friend of mine,” he answered carefully, if kindly. “You’ve met him. Twice, actually. A very large man, who also wore a suit. I believe you told him you really liked his tie.”

Peter was a good man, or as good as one could be given the circumstances the two of them both worked in. He had made a very genuine effort at, as Jacques had requested, ‘easing up’ on the usual intimidating way that he carried himself when he’d been been told Jeremy would be there at one of the very brief meetings the two of them had. One was when Jeremy was three, and fully preoccupied with a gift he’d received for the holidays, and the other was when Jeremy was six. Apparently, Peter had decided the best way to appear less intimidating to a young child was to wear a tie plastered with a pattern of cartoonish bubbles. Jacques thought it was perhaps the most ridiculous thing he’d ever seen, but was promptly proven wrong when Jeremy pointed it out gleefully within moments of being in a room with the man.

If Jacques died unexpectedly in most of the mainland United States and immediately surrounding territories, Peter would likely be the one taking care of Jeremy. At least until the other two correspondents could stop by and negotiate further on what would happen with him. Peter, at least, could cook and survive alone for multiple people (as he’d proven before on at least one occasion where Jacques was too injured to take care of himself and required assistance), and if he would stoop so low as to wear a bubble-patterned tie because he wanted to avoid intimidating a six-year-old, he was likely capable of stooping low enough to perform other essential activities involved with raising a child.

“I don’t remember that,” Jeremy muttered, shifting slightly.

“That is fair,” he nodded. “You do meet a lot of people, mon lapin, it is not easy keeping names straight.”

He hummed in sleepy agreement. A pause. “That one looks like a dog,” he finally said, pointing at one of the little letters on the page.

He tilted his head, squinting a little. “Hm. I suppose it does,” he acquiesced.

“Does it mean dog?”

“It is not kanji, the characters represent letters, which spell words in German,” Jacques replied.

“Is it that letter that looks like a B but it isn’t and sounds like that one dog?”

“...Are you referring to an eszett?”

“Yeah.”

“...And what dog does it sound like, exactly?” Jacques asked, fully baffled.

“The one that howls really loud.”

“Howls really—mon lapin, are you referring to a basset hound?”

“Yeah!” he agreed, sitting up a little and smiling. “That’s it!”

He wanted to further investigate why the word eszett reminded his son of basset hounds, but Jeremy picked that moment to yawn, reminding him of something.

“Well, dogs or otherwise, I do believe that it’s past your bedtime. You should go to sleep,” he said, no room in his tone for argument.

The whining noises began and were silenced by a swift kiss to the top of his head and the setting aside of the notebook he was working from, moving as if to pick up Jeremy and properly put him to bed. But then more genuine protests began, Jeremy moving to dart beneath the sheets before he could even properly set his pen down.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” he asked earnestly, employing the use of his big blue too-much-like-his-mother’s eyes. A slightly disapproving tilt of the head did nothing to dissuade him, so Jacques sighed inwardly, standing regardless.

“Alright, alright,” he surrendered as he moved to also get ready for sleep, “but I will be awake rather early in the morning, and you do not get to complain at me if you also end up awake as a result.”

Jeremy didn’t look upset by this caveat in the slightest, just burrowing further and smiling like he’d won some sort of contest.

And he looked asleep enough by the time Jacques was back that he was very quiet and careful about getting back into bed, but woke up regardless with the express intent of tucking against his arm again.

And he knew he would miss this one day. His son was already growing up much too fast, and at very-nearly-eight-years-old was closer in many ways to twelve, and surely only had another year or so before he would be much too embarrassed to lean against his father’s shoulder this way, to comment upon how things looked like an animal, to speak so freely. Soon he would be having secrets, a life of his own that he’d know nothing about, and he looked forward to it of course but he would also miss it so very dearly.

He’d hate to miss any more of it by dying unexpectedly.

He wished he didn’t need to prepare for the worst. He wished he didn’t feel guilty for needing to work out details about what would happen if the nightmare scenario occurred. And more than that, he wished he didn’t have to feel all the more guilty about having no plan at all for what he would do if something happened to Jeremy. It was unthinkable. He couldn’t imagine having a world without his son in it, not anymore.

And so he leaned back as well, albiet so much more carefully with the understanding of the fact that children tend to be fragile, and couldn’t imagine.