#just. maybe in another life we couldve been friends.

[acaciapines]

nano day twenty-two

words today: 6608

words total: 58137

IM SO TIRED. YELLS. i wrote so MUCH screaming crying etc etc. this was a lil bit of a pulling teeth day. i would write one sentence then have to pace around my room. repeat ad infinitum.

but!!! the chapter is DONE!! this just leaves one final chapter for me to write, which i should be able to do before the end of the month!

im glad i pushed myself bc since tomorrow is thanksgiving theres basically 0 chance im able to write anything lol. i'll probably pick away at other project outlines (i'll have my phone which is where i do a lot of my outlining) but nothing substantial.

anyways. time for me to be eepy and yall to get your daily depressing king&collector content.

my favorite part of what i wrote today:

The silence yawns between them, some impassable gap. It’s The Collector that breaks it. Most of their stars have died away. “Are you even really my friend? King opens his mouth, closes it. Tries again, but no words come out. It’s a simple question. No, he should say. I’m only here because you forced me to be. Because for some reason I was the one you grabbed, the one you were obsessed with. If I wasn’t a Titan you would’ve turned me into a puppet like you did to everyone else. No, he tries to say, and not a single word comes out. What comes out instead is this. “You know when we were on the slayground,” King says, “and we were playing that we were Titans, and we were hiding from your siblings?” “Yeah,” says The Collector, “I remember.” King stands. “I think…” he starts, as he climbs up the stairs into the archives, and The Collector doesn’t move at all, eyes on him. Not demanding. Just present. “I…I think it would be really nice. If that game was true. But it isn’t.” He enters the archives, and it wrenches at his heart, but he doesn’t look back.

[milesmoralesluvs]

Every breath you take (I'll be watching you) - Ekko x reader

(Ekko POV)

wc: 4k

ekko travels to another timeline. he experiences a glimpse of what could've been. maybe in another life.

warnings: angst

Ekko knew he was somewhere he was not supposed to be. He was in Zaun, but...he was not. This Zaun was something that looked like it came out a fairytale. It was not drowned in the chaos of the undercity. It was not darkened by the gloomy fog that existed ever since he came into this world, haunting him every day. He was not in Zaun. Of this, he was certain.

Because how else would you explain the sight in front of him? In front of his eyes stood six figures from his miserable past. Benzo, Vander, Mylo, Claggor, Powder and…you. But it wasn't possible. The former four were dead. Powder was no longer Powder, but Jinx and you..

You were his biggest mistake. His biggest regret. His biggest what if? He loathed you and loved you all the same. His enemy and his greatest love.

You looked wrong. God, you looked so right. You were smiling. He could see your pearly white teeth. He could see the crinkle of your eyes. He could hear the melodic tune of your laughter. You were happy and bright, not at all like the girl he knew, the one he fought tooth and nail to kill in his timeline. You were beautiful. You had always been but there was a special spark in your eyes now. The one he wanted to capture a picture of and etch it deep in his heart. The one he hoped would never leave you.

He snapped out of his daze once he noticed your eyes on him. Your eyes seemed awaiting. You had asked him something. He rubbed his neck a little sheepishly. “What were we talking about again?”

You chewed at the straw of the drink Vander had poured you. Ekko watched you.

"Your competition. It’s in two days.”

Ekko blinked, trying to hide his confusion. “R-right. The competition.” He cleared his throat, racking his brain for what possible ‘competition’ his other self couldve signed up for. He prayed you wouldn't ask for progress updates.

You blew air through the straw, watching it bubble at the drink. Ekko watched you.

“You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, trying to hide the tension in his voice. He had no idea what the competition was for. He’d have to play along till he finds out. “You coming to watch?” he asked, trying to hide his nervousness as he eyed you.

You plopped your head at the bar table and turned to face him with a cheeky grin. “Course. I’d be a shitty girlfriend if I didn’t.”

Ekko’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn't expected that—girlfriend. This other version of himself had everything. His friends, his home, you. He swallowed, shoving aside the mixture of feelings swirling in his chest. “You’re not shitty,” he mumbled. ‘You’re perfect.”

You smiled softly as you weakly punched him. ‘I was joking.”

He playfully winced at the hit, but a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “I know, I know.”

Ekko reached out to grab your hand, idly running his thumb along the back of it. His eyes darted around, taking in everything about you– your smile, your every gesture, your laugh, your eyes. He hadn’t expected to feel so jealous of his doppelganger. 

You noticed his dazed state and gently gripped his hands. “You alright babe?”

Ekko paused for a moment, the weight of the question hanging in the air. He wanted to tell you everything. He wanted to spill out his guts to you. He was in the wrong timeline. This was not his world. He was not your Ekko. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to say it.

He settled for a forced smile. “Yeah. Just nervous about the competition, I guess,”

You pulled yourself up and grasped at the straw, delicately placed it in your mouth. Ekko watched you. “No way. You and Powder have been working on it for months. You’re gonna crush it,”

There. That feeling again–that pang of jealousy mixed with guilt at the mention of ‘Powder’ that spilled so casually from your lips. He had lost that chance to know her in his world. Here, she was a shining memory, not the monster he knew.

Ekko forced a nod, trying to hide the way his jaw tensed. ‘Yeah,” he muttered. ‘I know. I just..I don't want to disappoint you, y’know?”

You smiled at him softly. “You know you could never do that.”

Those words hit harder than he expected, a pang of longing in his chest. This other version of himself had everything he’d ever wanted, everything that had been stolen from him. He swallowed, fighting back the tightness in his throat.

“Yeah. I know.”

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, letting the moment linger between them. For a brief moment, he let himself imagine what it would be like to stay in this timeline, to forget about everything else and just… be.

Ekko took a deep breath as you turned to continue conversation with Mylo, Claggor and Powder, finally allowing him to truly take in what's around him. Old memories flashed through his mind. Powder was smiling, blissfully innocent, like the timeline itself was protecting her from becoming Jinx. Mylo looked less brooding, and Claggor stood beside him with a smile. 

It was strange, seeing them like this. They were so young, so carefree—the opposite of how he’d seen them last. 

Vander handed out drinks, a fatherly smile on his face. It was odd, seeing him alive and well, like the past hadn’t chewed him up and spat him out. Benzo sat next to him, chuckling away at something. Ekko doesn't know how he doesn't burst into tears every time from the sight of him.

He was still waiting for somebody to slap him out of his daydream. They were all alive. Powder was innocent. You were at his side. This world… it was like a sick twist of fate, dangling everything he’d lost right in front of him, then snatching it away. It was a bittersweet reminder of all the friends and family he had lost in his own timeline.

He accepted the drink with a nod of thanks, taking a sip as he half-listened to the conversation around them. Ekko couldn’t help but observe how at ease everyone seemed. There was none of the tension or the edge that came from surviving on the streets of Zaun. They were safe. They were happy.  

Ekko found himself getting lost in your laughter, the sound melodic and full of genuine joy. It made him ache. The more he saw of this life that wasn’t his, the more he wanted it.

Claggor nudged Ekko to snap him out of his daydream. “Oi. Quit that loverboy.”

Ekko snapped out of his dazed staring, a flush of embarrassment creeping onto his cheeks. He had been caught—staring at you like a lovesick puppy. Claggor’s comment made the others chuckle, including you, and Ekko couldn't help but admire how magical you looked at every moment.

“Shut up,” Ekko muttered, shoving Claggor lightly. “I can look at my girlfriend if I want to.”

You chuckled at Claggor and beamed at him and Ekko felt his heart skip a beat, the happiness in your smile hitting him like a punch to the gut. He smiled back, though his was tinged with a hint of melancholy.

Every moment he spent here, every smile and laugh from you, felt like a taunt. This world wasn’t meant for him. He was an intruder, someone who didn’t belong. Yet, he couldn’t help but wish he could stay in this world forever, surrounded by friends and with you in his life.

The night sky appeared, and Powder sneakily tweaked the the speaker to play some tunes that Vander deemed ‘not age appropriate’. As he tried to figure how to ‘turn that darned thing off’, Powder, with the knowledge he would not be able to do so, pulled Claggor and Mylo to the dance floor and moved with the music, laughing and giggling at the horrid moves Claggor was exhibiting and the pathetic attempt of flirting Mylo was once again torturing the poor waitress with.

He watched them, his mind a swirling mess of emotions. This world… it was everything he had ever wanted, yet so far out of reach.

He took a long swig of his drink, trying to drown out the ache in his chest. If he looked at you any longer, he was going to do something he knew he’d regret—something like stealing you away from this perfect world and bringing you into his messed-up one.

Soon after, you stood up and extended your hand towards him, bowing slightly, with a grin on your face, “Care to indulge me, my good sir?”

He looked down at your outstretched hand, warring emotions in his eyes. Part of him wanted to take it, to let himself get lost in the dance with you. The other part knew it would only make the inevitable hurt worse.

But looking into your eyes, seeing the happiness and the innocence there, he couldn’t resist the pull. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled, standing up. “I’d love to.”

Powder noticed movement from the corner of her eye and swiftly rushed to the speaker where Vander was still fixing it or rather just yelled and hoped it listened. Powder ignored Vander's protests and changed the song to one of a slow dance and grinned to herself. She held up her fist expectantly, and Vander watched your figure dragging Ekko to the floor and smiled slightly as he formed a fist of his own and bumped it against hers. Pinching her cheek soon after.

Ekko followed you to the dance floor, allowing himself to be led by your hand. As you reached the center, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close against him. He was acutely aware of how right it felt to have you this close, your body pressed against his. 

He moved with the music, though it was clear he was a little clumsy compared to this body’s natural rhythm.

Despite it all, Ekko found himself grinning, laughing as you both stumbled through the dance together. It was far from elegant, both of you occasionally tripping over each other's feet or losing the beat. 

Yet, in that moment, none of it mattered. It was the most fun he'd had in a long time. He was dancing with you, holding you close, and just for that single moment, all his worries seemed to fade away.

Once the song ended, Ekko suggested leaving the crowded dance floor. The noise and the dancing had become too much for him, and he needed a moment to clear his head.

He led you up to the rooftop, the cool night air a gentle breeze against your faces. The view from up here was breathtaking, the city lights below like a sea of stars against the darkened city.

You smiled as you interlocked your hand with his, recalling a fond memory. “Remember Ekko? Here's where you confessed. Here's where I became your girlfriend 5 years ago.”

He chuckled, a fond yet bittersweet smile tugging at his lips. “How could I forget?” 

Here was where, in this timeline, this version of himself had confessed his feelings for you. He could imagine it—the nervous energy, the hope in his heart, the pounding of his own heart in his ears. But that wasn’t him. Those memories, those moments—they belonged to the Ekko of this timeline. Not him.

He tried to ignore the pang of jealousy in his chest as he looked at you.

“It was sunny. So bright. Like the sun had come out just for us.”

He closed his eyes, picturing the scene. Sun rays streaming down, a soft, gentle breeze, and a clear sky overhead. A perfect day, a perfect moment. 

He could see it in his mind's eye—the other Ekko, confessing his feelings to you here under the sun's warm glow. The jealousy clawed at his heart once more.

"Yeah.”

You gently pulled him forward to seat yourselves at the edge of the roof. Ekko watched the city lights below, making the buildings look surreal and dream-like. He leaned back, the cool night air a soft caress against his skin. 

His mind was still a tangled mess of thoughts, his feelings for you and his guilt for being here mixing in a confusing jumble. But sitting here, this close to you, he couldn’t force himself to pull away.

You watched the city life below, dangling your feet, making it hit the wall back and forth. You don't look up as you ask, “You're not my Ekko, are you?”

Ekko's heart dropped, the words hitting him like a punch to the gut. He closed his eyes, his breath catching in his chest. He had tried so hard to keep it a secret, to pretend like everything was fine.

But you had seen through him. You knew.

He didn't say anything for a moment, the silence between you hanging heavy. Then, finally, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, "No. I'm not.”

You don't look up from where you watched your feet dance in the air. The silence hung heavy between you both, each in your own thoughts. Ekko's mind whirled, his heart aching at the fact that you had figured him out. He had wanted to keep pretending, to enjoy this one moment for just a bit longer.

He swallowed, his fingers clenching and unclenching where they rested against the rooftop. "How did you know?"

“It was raining the day you confessed to me.”

Ekko's heart clenched at the words. It was a small, seemingly insignificant detail, but it was enough to give him away. He hadn't even noticed that, amidst the tangle of feelings and memories he was trying to keep straight. Well, memories that weren't even his. He looked down at his hands, his fingers clenching tighter against the edge of the rooftop. He felt exposed, naked in a way that he didn’t like.

"Yeah," he finally whispered. "It was.”

You gripped at the floor where your hands were resting and Ekko could see the hesitation in your face as you asked a question. 

“Who are you then?”

He paused, debating on what to say. He could lie, make up some convoluted story. But looking at you, seeing the curiosity in your eyes, he knew it would be a pointless lie. So, he took a deep breath, and for the first time, he confessed the truth.

"I'm Ekko. Just not the one you know. I'm from a different timeline. A different Zaun.”

Your eyes widened as realisation sunk in. “Parallel realities. They're…real.”

He nodded, the reality of it still sinking in for him. Parallel realities, alternate timelines. He'd known they existed in theory, but to experience it... it was something else.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "A little hard to believe, right?”

For the first since you sat down and fixed your eyes down, you lifted your eyes to look at him, a soft smile gracing your face. “Not really. I'm looking at it.”

He chuckled at that, a small laugh of disbelief. Here you were, accepting the impossible so easily, while he was still struggling to wrap his mind around it.

He looked at you, that soft smile on your face, and his heart ached. Everything about this world was so perfect, so right. And here he was, an intruder from another timeline.

‘You know me in your world then?,” you asked, fiddling with your fingers.

He nodded, his eyes looking out at the city below again. He imagined his own Zaun, so different from this one. The streets were darker, the sky a permanent ashen grey, and you...

He swallowed, forcing down the sudden wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

“Yeah. I do. You and I… we’re…” he trailed off, unsure how to explain the tangled mess of your relationship in his timeline.

“Are we not on good terms?”

He winced at that, the question making his stomach churn with guilt. In his timeline, things were complicated. "Good" was a generous way to describe it.

He took a moment to find the right words, not wanting to hurt you any more than he already had.

"It’s... complicated. Things between us... they’re messed up in my Zaun. We’re on the worst of terms,” he mumbled. “We... we’ve spent years apart. We haven’t seen each other for a long time. And when we do, it’s always a fight.”

“Oh,” you whispered, tone inexplicably sad.

His heart twisted, seeing the sadness in your expression. It hurt, knowing that he had caused it, even if indirectly.

He reached out, his hand hovering over yours. He wanted to touch you, to offer comfort, but he stopped himself at the last second. He didn’t deserve to give you comfort.

You noticed his hesitance and gently huffed as you took his hand in yours.  He sucked in a breath as you took his hands, the simple act sending a shockwave through his body.

Your hands felt warm, small, and familiar against his. He closed his eyes, taking a moment to just feel you, to remember what it was like to touch you like this. He missed it so damn much.

He held your hands tightly, his fingers wrapping around yours. He didn’t want to let go.

You gripped his hand as you posed the question. “Do you…like the me of that world?”

He chuckled at that, the question making his chest ache.

Did he like you? Like was such an inadequate word to describe what he felt. He loved you. He always had. He’d been in love with you since they were kids. Even in his timeline, where things were so messed up. Even there, he still loved you desperately.

“I do,” he admitted quietly. “I like you so much, it hurts."

Ekko watched you bit your lip and stared down at the city sadly as you asked a question you didn't really want the answer to. 

“Do I….like you back?”

The question felt like a punch to the gut. 

He knew the response he should give, the truth behind the relationship between him and you in his timeline. It was a mess. A complicated, painful mess of feelings. Of love, hate, and betrayal. Of trust broken and hearts shattered. 

He swallowed, his hands clenching tighter around yours. The answer was on the tip of his tongue, and he hated himself for saying it.

“No,” he whispered. “You don’t.”

The sadness in your expression, the way your eyes closed to hide the hurt, it was like a knife to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to take it back, to tell you everything was fine, that you loved him too. But he couldn’t. It was the truth, and lying wouldn’t change that. 

He looked away, his eyes back on the city lights, the brightness suddenly blurring in his vision. Damn it, he should have never come here.

“Ekko.”

Hearing you say his name, in that soft, gentle voice, made something in him crack. He looked back at you, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice quiet and strained.

You turned your gaze from the night life to his eyes as you hesitantly asked, “Do you…want to kiss me?”

The question took him by surprise, jolting through him like an electric shock. He had wanted to kiss you, yes. For years, he’d desired to kiss you, to touch you, to have you closer. He’d dreamt of it, yearned for it, ached for it.

The word was out before he could stop himself.

“Yes.”

So you slowly moved forward and gently placed your lips against his. Time seemed to slow, the world around you fading into a muffled hum. His lips brushed against yours, featherlight at first, testing, savoring. The contact sent a shiver down your spine, warmth spreading from where you touched and radiating outward.

The kiss deepened naturally, an unhurried exploration of emotions he'd kept bottled for too long. His hand slid to your waist, pulling you closer while your fingers tangled in his locks. It was soft yet searing, a meeting of hearts that spoke in a language words could never capture.

When you finally parted, you rested your forehead against yours, breaths mingling, staring at his eyes, so rich of love and guilt. “You won't be staying, will you?”

The question broke through the fog in his mind, bringing him back to reality. The kiss had been perfect, but it was a lie, a false hope. He knew he couldn’t stay. He wasn’t supposed to be here. 

He swallowed, his eyes glued to the ground, unable to meet your gaze.

“No,” he whispered. “I won’t be staying. My Zaun...it needs me.”

You smile sadly as you whispered, “I hope…the me there changes her mind.”

At that, he chuckled bitterly. You, changing your mind? The thought was laughable. He loved you, but even he knew that ship had sailed. 

But seeing the sorrow in your expression, the hope in your eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to tell you. He couldn’t snuff out that hope, that last shred of optimism you still had.

“Yeah,” he said, forcing a smile. “I hope she does too.”

You slowly pulled your hand up to caress his face, fingers moving across the soft skin of his flesh. The tenderness of your touch, the way your hand against his cheek, it sent a shiver through him. He closed his eyes, letting himself lean into your hand, to relish that feeling for as long as he could. It soothed the ache in his heart, that constant, aching longing for you.

“You deserve happiness Ekko.”

He placed his hand over yours, gently holding it to his face. “So do you, you deserve the world,” he mumbled.

You smiled sorrowfully as you watched Ekko. “You might not be the Ekko of this world, but you... you still have the same stupid hair. Same stupid eyes. Same...stupid smile. Same stupid heart. You're still my Ekko. I hope you can you can get your happy ending there.”

His breath caught at your words. It was too much. It was everything he'd been aching for, everything he wanted to hear.

He opened his eyes, looking at you, his heart clenching. A part of him wanted to tell you everything. To spill the truth of what the two of you had become in his timeline. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to you, not when you were looking at him like that.

He played with your hands, traced hearts on your palm.

"I'll try," he said softly.

You smiled at him and he mirrored your smile, his heart aching. He didn’t want this moment to end, he wanted to just stay here, with you, like this.

But the inevitable was closing in. The longer he stayed, the harder it would be to leave. He needed to go, needed to get back to his timeline before things got worse.

He took a deep breath, steeling his resolve. “I have to go now, don’t I?” he whispered.

Ekko watched as tears welled up in your eyes as you chuckled a sad laugh. “I think so.”

Seeing the tears in your eyes, hearing the acceptance in your voice, it took all his self-control not to pull you closer, to hold you to him. But he forced himself to stay still, even as every part of him wanted to keep you within arm's reach.

He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky sigh. "Yeah," he whispered. "I think so too.”

You suddenly pull him into a hug, wrapping your arms around him and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He closed his eyes, returning the embrace, hugging you tightly against him. 

He buried his face against your hair, taking a deep breath, trying to commit this moment to memory. He didn’t know if he’d ever get to hold you like this again.

You place a soft kiss on his cheek. “ I won't ever forget you.”

The feeling of your lips on his cheek, it was too much. He held onto you tighter, like if he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to keep his voice steady. “I won’t forget you either. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

Every instinct in him was screaming to keep holding you, to not let go, but he forced himself to release his hold. He looked at you one last time, taking in your sad smile, before steeling himself and stepping back.

He took another deep breath, his heart heavy with the weight of all the things left unsaid. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye Ekko. Smile some more, hm?"

Ekko felt a mix of emotions well up within him. He wanted to say so much, to tell you not to hope for his happiness, that he wouldn't find it. But the words stuck in his throat.

He managed a strained smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. “Yeah. Take care of yourself,” he said quietly.

He took one last look at you, the image of you standing there, sad but beautiful, seared into his mind.

With that, he turned and walked away, his footsteps growing fainter as he left you there, alone on the rooftop.

You turned your gaze towards the night life of the undercity and huffed a sad sigh as you turned your gazed up at the moon. 

Ekko had decided to stop in his tracks and hide behind a wall so he can watch you one last time. The moon illuminated your features beautifully and although the smile on your face was one full of melancholy, Ekko could only find it in himself admire your beauty and mirrored a similar smile of his own.

Ekko watched you. He always had. That's all he can do. 

—--- Epilogue 

When Ekko returned to his timeline, it felt like he'd stepped into a world of shadows, a dark and menacing realm. The familiar alleys, the broken streets, it all looked so different, so wrong.

He trudged his way back to the Firelights base, his mind still focused on the you he left behind in the other timeline. The feeling of holding you, having you so close, it was like a fresh wound, reopening the aching loneliness within him.

He stood for a moment, to stare at the moon, to remember the image of you staring at the sky mere moments ago when he caught a flash of something from the corner of his eyes. Ekko watched you fall to your death.

Ekko watched you. He always had. That's all he can do.

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

alright chat . it's time for "dissecting the inherent tragedy of transformers: botbots and the relationships in them":

toxic doomed yuri edition ( referring to these two ↑ )

(yes, i made this picmix myself 4 this. i have no regrets. also no tl;dr because you guys NEED to read this)

something i want y'all to understand is that it is Not about the idea that spud wasn't loved. he was VERY much loved by everyone, ESPECIALLY burgertron.

the whole point is that he sabotaged himself in the process of ruining someone else's life, someone who valued him and his word above others. he and burgertron BOTH let their ego get in the way of their personal lives, the only difference is that burgertron at least had the dignity to swallow his pride and apologise when it mattered most.

He gave spud a second chance because he loved him. because he recognised that he does deserve redemption, and above all else, he wants spud to know he cares, even if that means he'll never see him again, or they'll never be friends. (Even in light of the "sidekick" comment, i genuinely don't think he held any inherent malice in that statement. even if burgs was an egotist, he still loved him.)

the worst thing burgertron did in their relationship was be unaware, and im sure that despite his ego, he never meant for spud to get hurt. that's why he went out of his way to protect him, when he couldve just stood there and let spud get put on the back of a truck to never be seen again. it would have been easy.

but he didn't. he did the hard thing. the Right thing. he stood up for someone who never did the same for him.

Spud Was Loved. Spud Is loved. and sometimes love isn't going to look pretty, or manifest in holding hands and cuddling, and it isn't all rainbows and sunshine. it can hurt. it can be letting go of someone who you hurt by accident, who you never meant to harm, but it happened anyways because you made the fatal mistake of being oblivious.

And that's what Burgertron did. he let Spud go, because he understood they both needed time to heal on their own terms. regardless of if he's mad at him or not, he does still harbor positive feelings for him, and he stood up for him during times he probably shouldn't have. If he ACTUALLY hated spud, he wouldn't have stuck his neck out for him at bot prom. or believe spud when he was lying through his teeth in the games.

And that's what makes them so tragic. perhaps in another world, another life, they'd have been Actual good friends, who truly stuck by each other. maybe things would have been different.

But we'll never know that now, will we?

[digitaljesterr]

Thinking about how different my life couldve been if i wasnt autistic and physically disabled :(

It's so hard properly accepting at nineteen years old that I can't do a lot of the things people my age do, yano?

Like physical disability wise, i can't walk further than two-three minutes without a walking aid, when i make new friends i have to explain to them about my mobility issues, because i'm scared to just 'show up' with my mobility aid and be seen as faking or unnecessarily using it. I can't just walk about town for hours with my friends, which for some reason everyone i meet seems to wanna do, because i need breaks every five minutes so that i don't pass out / find myself unable to walk back. I can't dance the night away on a damn nightclub dancefloor without drinking copius amounts of alcohol and causing myself to be floored pain wise the next week or so. I panic when travelling because i'm not sure my rolator will fit into the bus, i panic when walking around with my rolator because i'm scared people will look at me and think i don't need it.

When it comes to me being autistic, it's so hard to socialise no matter how much i want to because i never feel like i can fully drop my mask, and its EXHAUSTING. I get so burnt out and i cant talk to ANYONE for ages, and then when it comes to talking to people again after a week or two of not talking to them, i'm too anxious to message first 😭 i also struggle so hard making friends irl because i do not know how to just walk up to people and talk to them, and even when i DO do that, it never goes anywhere, we usually just end up being mutuals on instagram and occasionally like eachothers posts </3 i always worry about coming across as too 'weird' or 'offputting' and i struggle letting people in properly because of the way people would treat me in school due to my autistic traits.

i can't work because of my disabilities, i can't get an education, i literally have two qualifications to my name 😭 i've tried college 4 times and dropped out every time and its SO DRAINING!! i just want to do something with my life, but all i can do is survive :(

Idk i just wonder how different life woulda been, you know? Maybe i'd have a job, maybe even my dream job! Maybe i'd have more qualifications, maybe a dog, or another pet, and maybe i'd have a group of friends. I feel so silly for thinking this way :(

Does anyone else feel similarly?

[strawbhat]

30-09-24

I HAVENT WRITTEN IN SO LONG IM SO SORRY!!!! IVE BEEN SO SLEEPY T_T. lemme give u the week recap

thursday I didn't do a single thing. well that's a lie i went to my neighbours a little bit! i escorted her from the train station bc it was raining like CRAZZYYY and she didnt have an umbrella. but she got me a boo basket!! its a little thing she does every autumn but she made me one as a thanks for helping with moving!! it was sooo cute it had a blanket, like a glass stanley cup thing, loooots of chocolate and facemasks! shes so cute i almost cried for real. also we watched a little of attack on titan but then i went to bed.

friday i had college. i cant really remember ow it went i think i dissociated the whole time, but afterwards i had d&d! we finished the temple/dungeon and there was a HUUUGE boss fight! it was a wolf with antlers that was like the voice of the forest and omg it did this one attack that did 47 DAMAGE to everyone... i was scared for my life. but we won! and after that i had a SECOND dnd session with the server i joined... which wasnt that good. the dm was super nice! but the players were very uh.. meh. maybe i was just super sleepy and pissed off!

saturday... was rough. my friend moved so i woke up at like 8am (horrific for a day off) and helped her move for what like 14 hours straight? i thought i was going to die. but she bought me pasta afterwards! my legs are still killing me... i stayed at her new place afterwards too and its so nice!! i'm so happy for her that she finally has somewhere actually liveable ugh.

sunday we went 2 ikea!! another early morning (kms) but i had a nice time spending time w my friend :3 i got a desk chair and loads of cute little decor for the cats! I GOT THEM A TENT!!! SO CUTE! but yes i spent wayyy too much money and when i got home i got mylaptop out to type this and passed out instantly...

today was rough. seriously did not want to go to college. i toldmy mum about the mindfullness guy being weird and she got me out of his session today!! yay! im surprised i even went in TBH. its a miracle! i had a super rough time though, like mute all day. i felt so rude but also stop speaking to me I BEGGGG just leaf me alone T_T adhd 16 yr olds are so fucking loud. AND THEYRE ALL MOUTHBREATHERS omfg i couldve killed someone for real. but i got through it!

on the taxi home my driver was being very antivaxx nd i could not stya quiet like usual (too sleepy to keep it in) so i feel bad. but he was being a weirdo.

and then i napped when i got home! willow stayed curled up with me for like 4 hrs it was sooo cute!! nad then i had d&d again!! srsly the best session ever it was just us concluding the like temple arc! we learned sm world lore and riley got a cool blessing and we got cool items! and got so much gold! and came up with a super sick team name (the Buckanéires). and they learned rodri isnt dead! okay nerd time over. i need to go to sleep so fucking bad .

love u sooo much my sweet little princesses!

song of the day... i didn't listen to any music gimme a second

The River by Daisy Jones & The Six

[autumnfangirler]

The Magician in Reverse: When was your character manipulated?

The High Priestess in Reverse: When has your character felt betrayed emotionally?

For Sofia and Johan? (I hope I spelled those right)

HELLOO EVENING THANK YOU FOR THESE OPPY!!! but also goddamn the emotionally painful questions first huh (also yes you spelled them right dw). small headsup that these two are actually being renovated atm so if i say anything here and end up saying something else later on. dont even worry about it 👍

The Magician in Reverse: When was your character manipulated?

Sofia- sofia is an oblivious naive 8 year old child, literally when has she Not been manipulated. if i had to pick one instance tho, i would say it was during the first time she got on a ship– ie, meeting the rival crew. she was brought on board the ship with the promise of a life full of adventures and fun. really, they just wanted child labor. she picked up on it fast though, which is part of the reason she decided to help vincent beat their asses when he showed up lmfao. the current crew they run with is at least a lot more upfront with their thoughts, those thoughts being "go find another ship we can Not afford to take care of children."

Johan- johan has an excellent nose and a keen memory. sometimes, though, there are things he picks up that, when he asks, gets waved off. over the years, hes learned to curb his curiousity from family, friends, and even his own crew in favour of respecting their privacy. lately, though, he cant help the feeling that theres something hes missing– maybe something more than he can afford to let go.

The High Priestess in Reverse: When has your character felt betrayed emotionally?

Sofia- this feels like spoilers, but one particular fight she had with vincent stuck with her. vincent has always been a little stricter with her than he was to other people (not his fault but thats another matter entirely) but this was full on Fury at her for messing up, for not doing what she was told, for being the way that she is. shes been told so many times in her life that she people didnt like her, but it never felt so real until it was vincent telling her those things. never hurt as much either.

Johan- hes a levelheaded individual, so hes hard to emotionally shake. however, hearing that his sisters bar– the bar he grew up running, mind you– was on the verge of bankruptcy, and gina deliberately hid that fact from him hurt. he doesnt hold it against her, and learning about it eventually led to him joining the crew, so it was a net-positive overall, but he still wishes she couldve trusted him to help.

questions from here!

[bookishtheaterlover7]

The world does not revolve around Chris. He does not have private people follow him around 24/< for hair , makeup and styling. STOP thinking he's Carmen Sandiago. Hes not the Dr. He doesnt have a Tardis where he can juat pop up in diffrent coutries

🗑 messed up big we saw neither of thise rings were hers as multiple celebs have gone on Re cord how it words with borrowed jewlery so they wouldnt be putting things on there that didnt below. Theres been half a dozen rumors olthey are each flying back and forth and here and there and it statted immediately after Bookie and her friend exposed the video Jus and 🗑 posted. Immediately after it got traction rumors started and rumors will continue to clean up the mess.

No one knows when a video is made. I do pagesnts and not pageants have narional winners do holiday shoots all in one day. Evwry single holiday we made a video for and did photos with specific clothes and changes of make up here and there. He couldve filmed the video right after the auction was over or he couldve done it last weekend. It doesnt matter. And yea you cant deny that is a weird yellow gold color.

STOP trying to drum up drama

Oh and p.s. if youre going to post thing fro lm soxial at leaat be smart enough to see what is or isnt enabled on his profile right now

But lets STOP looking for drama take the quiet and enjoy sweater season. Aldo atop trying to figure out where he is based off when things are posted. Chris has said hes a night own and up late so fans probably expect things to be put up late. Or maybe* gasp* soemone forgot to post it so they did it quick or maybe well maybes can go on fkrever ok so stop reading into everything it will not onlt drive you nuts but everyone else.

The fansom should be an escape not oh god what new drama could i encounter if i say hi to friends

Well said, An🫶n, and seriously, go off!!!

And I agree... All of this back and forth is truly a pain for all. Not everything has to be broken down. I'm honestly waiting for photos or video to analyze.

And it's true, about the thing about the Fandom being some sort of escape. I came and joined for the happy fun times, I only stumbled into this because somebody got me curious. Now, I'm here, and we finally have the chance to enjoy the Fandom without Albitch and her merry band of thick faced racists making some form of drama one way or another.

I'm sorry! But I will fight but only if bullshit is around. It helps me with whatever is going on in my personal life. But the analysis of when he posts or where he's flown to and where, I'll listen but doesn't mean I'm going to overcomplicate my life trying to figure out WTF is going on somewhere over the rainbow.

This is definitely not good bye. Not by a long shot. This is a I need to take time for myself, and enjoy life while I'm not preoccupied in/with someone else's drama.

But either when I finish those fics I promised, or if something big happens, I will be back...

And final message for trolls and Team Real just waiting to pounce...

See you soon...

[system-vent]

one of the nastiest nastiest feelings is taking our shirt off and its not even because the body is human and afab and im a tabaxi tiger and amab, i have accepted that and i can look past it. i can cope with that, it doesnt bother me or any hosts or ex-hosts. what bothers me is the scars on our arm that come from a very harmful frequent fonter we had because i KNOW that the scars from him were preventable. i know we couldve stopped him. why the hell didnt we stop him from doing any of that? if we had known he had bad intentions and was doing all those bad things on purpose we wouldnt have let him front but he kept saying he was trying, he would be better, hes just anxious, hes depressed, he has bpd. so do the rest of us the body has those disorders you dont see me causing half the shit he did?? i hate him.

seperate rant/ramble: as i was typing this i heard either coyotes screaming outside, or i had an auditory hallucination. i hate this body and it's schizophrenia for a multitude of reasons which sends me on a new tangent ☝️🤓 i hate having schizophrenia because its often misdiagnosed as did (/srs) and we go "ohhh but maybe im faaaaking" i can garuntee you that the disassociative amnesia regarding our childhood may be a sign! and the very obvious shifts of personality, and also earlier today i had a fleeting thought that was something i wouldnt think and i thought it in the voice of one of my headmates. lo and behold he fronted without my noticing and neither of us know how long he was in front for.

on another note i hate hate hate having to self disgnose. our mother gets aggravated and has a borderline mental breakdown every single time one of us asks her why she thinks we are not autistic because to us and to other people with autism it is BLINDINGLY obvious, just as an example of why we need to self disgnose this much. schizophrenia, adhd, depression, anxiety, and various physical issues are all things we have been diagnosed with. we suspect autism, bpd, aspd, did, and dyslexia. we did not think about any of these disorders or about having them, and we knew nothing about them until friends with said disorders would talk about their experiences and vent about it and we went "oh no... oh no..." and then we had to go do vast amounts of research into them and overlapping disorders and just. so much research. and the autism part takes EVERYTHING literally and at face value so very often we will go "oh this cant be us! we dont have every single symptom!" and it is, in fact, us. we also fakeclaim ourselves when we hear stories about how bad these disorders can be and ours is never that bad. its bad enough to actually genuinely impact our life more often than not and the symptoms are very distressing when we notice them, but they arent as bad as they could be which to a lot of my headmates makes it very obvious that we do not have the disorders we very much do. it causes a lot of denial towards ourselves, we had looked into dyslexia and joking about having it for months but we never flat out said we have dyslexia until one of our managers straight up told someone "yeah we're dyslexic this losers are just in denial because we can send messages that are coherent. they think we are not dyslexic because we go back and correct any typos? doesnt make sense to me. the typos are still made, and we still miss a lot of words we need to correct very often. oh yes im aware theyre idiots." sometimes fakeclaimer logic is just so broken. we also have a lot of alters that have dyslexia in source memories and whenever they fromt our typing gets much worse which obviously means we don't actually have dyslexia OR did! /sarc. DID truely stands for dumb idiot disorder because i could spend a week listing times when our symptoms for all our disorders were very very prominant.

.

[herobrinna]

ok so ive spammed my friend with toh thoughts a bit to much so time to ramble here i suppose. (sorry in advance thisll be very disjointed and go from one random point to another).

my main take away from the finale is that it felt a bit... hollow?

like dont get me wrong, the animation was so fucking good. getting more titan and collector lore was also so cool (and hellooo The Titan being such a genderqueer royal? absolutely love how natural toh rep is, like its just thrown out there and no one questions it, just how shit is, absolutely bangers- *gets shot*). and aaaa, the aged up re-designs of all the characters are so good, especially like the detail how all the hexsquad have a flapjack tattoo.

yet there are so many bits that just feel off? like they couldve been handle better (even with the cut runtime the show had).

first lets start with the Collector who just got done dirty, like their whole arc was about the fear of being alone again, yet at the end they decided to leave? just like that? like would it not make more sense for him to stay with Eda, to learn to control his powers better and make new friends. especially them leaving to "mature" or whatever doesnt really make sense, like how can they grow as a person if they dont interact with others, if they dont get exposed to different opinions and believes and all that.

and i dont really like Collie, but it still feels like he deserved better, especially after taking up so much runtime.

actually you know what wouldve made the show better? not introducing the Collector in the first place.

no but think about it, why waste so much runtime on a character that didnt even exist before the show was cut (and thus had very little foreshadowing and buildup to his introduction) and then to not even give them a sweeter ending?

if anything the show shouldve stuck with the Day of Unity being the true finale. like honestly if DoU happened over the 3 specials they actually had plenty of time to flesh out all the existing characters further, maybe there could have been even a little more time for more slice of life moments. but then the whole bit with Collie just feels likes taking away precious time, that his character could have only worked if the show wasnt cut, but if it wasnt cut he wouldnt have existed in the first place, so man idk.

and on the topic of the DoU, holy shit Belos got done dirty, im actually mildly mad at his demise.

like it just overall doesnt make sense thematically.

like, ok this is gonna be hard to phrase, and i would like to straight away say i dont think Belos should ever be redeemed, just gonna use other characters redemptions as example.

so toh throughout its enite runtime is really set on showing that everyone deserves a second chance for as long as they want and are willing to change. we see this with Lilith who was pretty much immediately redeemed at the beginning of s2, and whilst many people say it was rushed, or she didnt deserve it, i think otherwise. like throughout s1 she only tries to get Eda into the Emperor's coven out of the belief that Belos will cure her, cuz yknow, she feels really fucking guilty for cursing her sister, and even then she doesnt really force Eda that much into joining, like there are many moments of weakness were Lilith couldve dragged Eda to the emperor, but she didnt, she gave Eda many chances to join on her own. and again the only reason she even wanted Eda to be in the coven was to right her mistake of cursing her. so after going through that guilt for years of course shed be forgiven quickly, as she showed that she wants to change, be better and all that.

we see this with Hunter as well, though his redemption was more gradual, yet still his past wrongs arnt brought up, like how he patronised Eda and Luz during his first meeting, or attacked Amity in eclipse lake, cuz he was also doing shit out of the belief of helping people, and clearly wanted to change for the better, so why bring up his past wrongs when hes a better person now and all that.

why bring this up?

well with Belos toh brought up an interesting dilemma, what do you do with a person that doesnt want to change, thats stuck in a loop of his short sighted beliefs in a system thats ready to accept and help anyone that tries to change regardless of their past?

and the answer to that being to just kill him?

like how does that solve anything? he died thinking he was in the right, that witches are still spawns of satan or whatever tf. it just feels like it goes against what the show established.

now dont get me wrong, the scene of him trying to manipulate Luz for the millionth time and her just staring him down completely unfazed is amazing, it says more than any actual words could ever. what isnt is then Raine, Eda and King immediately stomping him afterwards, which again, just proofs Belos' point that witches are "evil" from his perspective. (how did he even die from that when even mf Collie wasnt able to kill him? and ne got hit by a car and that *still* didnt kill him either, it just feels like he shouldve survived that)

so imagine if instead of them stomping him down they decided to imprison him, that will of course also have the effect of saving him from the boiling rain. so now Belos has to live with the fact that it was witches that saved him, the same witches he'd never show that kind of mercy to, the same witches he would murder the second he got the chance, and what makes it worse is the fact that the human, the one he oh so creepily obsessed over didnt even do anything, wouldve left him suffer in the boiling rain if she had the choice.

and just generally, letting him actually *live* with the consequences of his actions would have been so much more fitting. like dying is easy, wayy too easy, an escape from consequences, but actually living with said consequences, well thats delightfully horrific.

and his death isnt the only way that they done him dirty, the Titan also basically just said that Belos is just evil and theres nothing more too it, when there literally is?? like hello what were all thos Hollow Mind paintings for if not to show that Belos aint just pure evil, how he is a victim of shitty circumstances, yet how despite that it doesnt excuse the extent to which he took shit to.

and the just forgot about that?

... oh right, they forgot the memory paintings even existed untill someone posted their own redraws of them, no wonder they fucked Belos' character up so much :/

man im getting tired from rambling this much lol

but overall its just toh has so many missed opportunities, i could go on and on about them, although not like my rambles make any sense probably, and many people have def explained similar point much better so im just gonna shit up now.

(and of course im gonna rewrite this for my oc x Belos au <3 )

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Hello :) Welcome back to another episode of Smol Copy-Pastes A Ramble/Rant From Discord And Calls It A Tumblr Post. This week, we’ll be looking at one of my Crying Over Nishiki sessions which ALSO became a full on rant against Kazama! Whoo! Here we go, gonna be another ‘read more’ cause a) spoilers, and b) reeeeally long unhinged ranting about fictional men :D

“LOOK I COULDVE FIXED HIM, EVEN AFTER HE SLAPPED REINA, I'D HAVE BEEN LIKE 'LISTEN BBY I LOVE U IM HERE FOR U BUT GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER THERE RIGHT NOW AND APOLOGISE TO REINA!!!!!'

BUT NOOOOOO EVERYONE JUST HAD TO DECIDE TO BE A HUGE BITCH TO HIM AND BECAUSE THE DUMBASS LASHED OUT AT ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE HE HAD LEFT AND PROBABLY FELT LIKE HE COULDNT GO BACK AND APOLOGISE CAUSE I THINK HIS SELF ESTEEM IS ALREADY LOW ENOUGH BY THEN TO NOT EVEN THINK HE DESERVES HER FORGIVENESS AND THEN YUKO FUCKING DIES BECAUSE KAZAMA IS A FUCKING SHIT DAD AND EVERYONE IS A DICK TO HIM UNPROMPTED AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

point is i want to rip Kazama's spine out with my bare hands

hate how the game acts like he's so cool and good when he's really not he failed his kids so so badly ACTUALLY NO THEYRE NOT HIS KIDS HE'S THE ENTIRE REASON THEYRE ORPHANS”

(at this point I moved to the spoilers channel to continue my Unending Kazama Hatred)

OKAY SO TIME TO SCREAM ABOUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER KAZAMA AND HOW THE GAME SUCKS HIS DICK do you have ANY idea how much i hated when they go to Tojo HQ so Tachibana can pay em to leave his sugar baby alone and the old fucker who weve never seen before is like 'u know i'd have paid a billion yen for Kazama when he was ur age. are u worth that much? are u as good as him?' LISTEN HERE CUNT HE IS A BETTER MAN THAN KAZAMA EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE!!!!!!!

WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHIN SEEING AS HE'S REALLY ANNOYING IN THIS GAME like okay i get it Kazama is a yakuza and ex-hitman i EXPECT him to have done bad shit and it's very nice he set up the orphanage n all but it also isnt cause like bro you murdered these kids parents!!! and idk anythin about their life in the orphanage i'll admit but as an active yakuza i cannot imagine him being the most hands-on, tender, loving parent ever, yknow? ALSO ALSO like i know he tried to stop Kiryu and Nishiki becomin yakuza im just saying YA COULDVE TRIED HARDER MATE!!!! THEY WERE SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, THEY WERE CHILDREN FOR GOD'S SAKE. KIRYU WAS LIKE 'WHY WONT U LET US BE LIKE U YOURE A YAKUZA U GET A COOL CAR AND PEOPLE RESPECT U LET US TRY AND HAVE THAT' YOURE LETTING HIM SELL HIS SOUL TO A LIFE OF CRIME BECAUSE HE WANTS A FUCKING CAR?????? I DONT CARE HOW STRONG THEY WERE IN THAT FIGHT YA FUCKIN SIT THEM DOWN AND GET RID OF THE ILLUSION OF GLAMOUR!!!!! TELL THEM THEYRE WORTH MORE THAN JUST GRUNTS WHO ARE GOOD WITH THEIR FISTS AND NOT MUCH ELSE, ONE FIGHT IN THE RAIN AND YOURE LETTING THEM JOIN, ABSOLUTELY FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT 

AND THEN HE'S SHOVING THEM OFF TO ANOTHER FAMILY BECAUSE OF SOME POLITICAL BULLSHIT IDK BUT FINE FAIR ENOUGH YA DONT WANNA PLAY FAVOURITES BUT I FUCKING HATE THIS WHOLE 'OH SEEMS DISTANT AND UNCARING BUT ACTUALLY HE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING AND HAS THEIR WELLBEING IN MIND' I JUST- JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!! 

MAYBE YA SHOULD PLAY FAVOURITES WHEN ONE OF YOUR CHARGES IS DYING VERY QUICKLY AND HER BROTHER HAS NO ONE FOR SUPPORT. INSTEAD OF FUCKIN LETTING THE GUY THEY APPARENTLY SEE AS BIG BROTHER FUCKING REPRIMANDING THE GUY CAUSE HE CANT GET CONTROL OF OR RESPECT FROM THE PEOPLE YOU ASSIGNED HIM AND SEEMINGLY KNEW THEYD BE DIFFICULT!!!!! HOW IS MY BOY MEANT TO ""PROVE HIMSELF"" WHEN HES DEALING WITH THE TRAUMA OF TAKING A LIFE (EVEN IF THE FUCKER HAD IT COMING), THE GUILT OF LETTING HIS BEST FRIEND TAKE THE FALL, AN ACT OF PURE KINDNEES IN CONTRAST TO HIS OWN BRUTAL IRREVERSIBLE ONE, THE STRESS OF TRYING TO SAVE HIS SISTER WHO IS DYING (MAYBE CONTRIBUTE SOME EXTRA CASH KAZAMA??? MAYBE???) AND DEALING THE AFOREMENTIONED DISRESPECTFUL FUCKERS AND LASHING OUT AND HURTING THE ONE PERSON HE HAS LEFT AND BURNING THAT BRIDGE, AND THE GIRL HE KILLED A MAN FOR HAS LOST HER MEMORY AND VANISHED (WHICH YOU HELPED WITH KAZAMA!!! YOU KNEW SHE WAS SAFE!!!!), 

AND THEN THE GRIEF OF LOSING HIS SISTER FOR NO. FUCKING. PURPOSE. HE SOLD OUT HIS REMANING MORALS, HIS PRIDE, ANY RESPECT OTHERS MAY HAVE HAD FOR HIM ALL TO SAVE HER AND IT FAILED. HE WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT ALONE. YEAH I'D HAVE FUCKIN TURNED EVIL AS WELL!!!!!!!

im not sayin Nishiki is fully free of blame, obviously, he made his choices, and murdering Reina after using her love for him to further his own ends AND killing Shinji and ALL of the shit he pulls in Kiwami, yeah, completely fucked up, horrible, his choices, he did that shit. im just saying that i dont know, maybe if ya wanted to step in at any point in the last ten fucking years Kazama (preferably before that too), ya couldve and fuckin SHOULDVE”

I’ll be honest with ya lads, I stand by every word of this cfvgbhnjkgvbhnj

[cielospeaks]

ok predictions/reactions to f-h (not negative necessarily?)

firstoff the banner itself

-shame abt the 17 stuff. imo its really fucking clear that the people in charge of f e as a whole hate the game for its more whimsical/shonen/super sentai tone of “friendship and understanding” and just want a cringey “angst” fest (aka angst that just excuses horrible characters) like 16 (and to be fair a lot of other things in the franchise too). but like imo its not the worst. the vas are clearly doing a good job and the artist too, and its cool and cute to see ivy in the game, even if its just a seasonal

-the others i dont rlly care abt. if i liked e ir at all i def dont after she screwed over an entire country and her presumable former friends there just because she found out her birth family’s world is a place she likes better. like its awful what she went through but imo she still killed a person for no reason when she couldve just told the truth, and even if it would have been painful she should have taken responsibility for her position. but whatever its very eh. and thats all my thoughts pretty much. actually suprised f jorm wasnt the duo but whatevs

-the new story/new oc: i was rooting for all 4 alfr to get resplendent/ect darn it! oh well. it looks like most likely peo and plumie will be the focus (which is good for me bc i love plumie but i wish tri would get good things too ; ; ) and hopefully tri and peo will actually get scenes together acknowledging their relationship as sisters (esp as it was alluded to in last years peo! gosh i hope so pls.) bc b4 screwed them over (esp tri) big time with its fruitless and nonsensical “plot twists”

-another thing that im really happy abt is that the temptri stories (except b3 for... reasons) tend to not involve the main cast of the game, which honestly is a breath of fresh air. b2′s one was horrendous bc of the dragons and the retcons, but it could have been so much worse. 3′s too if im being honest. e irs obsession w the main cast is... very regrettable but also understandable, so it wasnt too much detracting imo. im just hoping they keep this up with b4 and dont fucking involve those horrible and ridiculous “plot twists” from book 4. can we please just fucking forget any shitty changeling stories/plotlines in any media ever pls. (except m l p. youre cool you can stay. cough cough unrealistic expectations for this kind of story cough cough)

-that being said plumie + peo is hilarious and sweet. plumie calling her a little petal or something is so funny/cute. and my kasuplumie shipper heart is like “aw plumie took up nicknaming people from kasumi!” like this is character development done right take notes b2 temptri. i think itll be really wholesome if they do end up being the ascendants for this year, seeing them become friends. i would have liked tri but i feel like it also fits as the two of them are the more active of their groups (mira is really passive, and i feel like tri is more distant than aggressive like plumie is). so plumie being super jaded and scornful + peo being really caring with no strings attached and self sacrificing will be really wholesome to see if it comes to pass

-new character: interesting that theyre a rearmed but ok saitama face. people are saying maybe 4/5 next but i feel like it could be 17 (and add less royalty characters- maybe one of the younger siblings, the player character, side characters/enemy only? morion pls im politely asking). i think the best case scenario is theyre the queen from the past, that would be wholesome to have her actually meet kind friends in the alfr. kinda like another character i dont really have anything against her when she was a child- she kidnapped and forced children to work for her just bc they were poor and from a bad home life as an adult, but as a child she was abused by her peers and only treated well by her brother bc he wanted to marry her off to them. like her actually meeting nice people and getting standards would be great but idk if itll happen.

-also just fucking release that dirtbag in the next mythic. just let the memes die. im sick of this guy and ive been sick of him for years. glad hes not much plot relevant.

tldr the good news is i get to save orbs bc i spent them all on not getting shez wooo (sarcasm) (also donny is so pure im so glad hes the free unit!!!! get hype!!!)

[messinheaven]

I Know it’s not my responsibility to like fix him but he’s been with me through my dark times. When I was giving him the worst when I was acting fucked up. And I know I never put his life in danger like he put mine but maybe if he would promise we maybe

I don’t want to give up. I know all the reasonable things I know self care I know I know I know but I feel like people give up to soon on one another. Like for example there’s this girl flirting with a teacher in my school. Wit h a teacher that’s very close to me and my friend (I mean NOT romantically) and when we were discussing this (their flirting, he’s married) my friend said that they are adults and it’s not our thing to admonish them but maybe it’s what they need, like to snap out of it and see that this thing might have some very bad consequences. and I know I’ve been through times where I couldve benefit from a little rebuke and a wake up call and my boyfriend has been with me through this even though he could’ve gave up. And I know how fucked up he behaved but maybe I need to go with him through this. Maybe he needs me now more than ever

but at the same time am I able to commit to this relationship? I know his needs and kind of love he’s expecting and I know I can not, at least for now, give him that, maybe ever

and will he even acknowledge what he did to me?

I don’t know what should I do I just want him to hold me tight and kiss me on my head and tell me that we will go through this together and I will always be his weird girl

[izzibeeb]

I was talking to my mom today and she was like “Yeah one of my friends asked if you could babysit for her again and I had to tell her that’s not really your thing” and we laughed about it for a bit because I kind of have this kind of weird aversion to babysitting and I’m one of my only friends who’s never babysat before and I was like “Hey how often do you get these texts about my brother, I feel like I’ve never seen him babysit either” and she was like “Oh well they don’t ask about him! Babysitting is a girl thing!”

??????????????? Keep in mind this woman is a fully self-proclaimed feminist, woman in a male dominated field and everything. And she just said it so nonchalantly???? And shes been shaming me for YEARS about not wanting to babysit saying “Oh it’s not as bad as you think it is just try it” and “You’ll probably be fine at it you love your little cousins” and “What other job do you think you’ll be able to get” and “You should have tried it by now you’re gonna have to learn to watch kids eventually” and my brother has apparently NEVER had to deal with this???

and I was like “Oh well do people ask him about jobs then what jobs do boys do?” and she said “Landscaping.” LANDSCAPING???? FUCKING LANDSCAPING??? I COULDVE BEEN DOING LANDSCAPING MY WHOLE LIFE???? THATS SO MUCH EASIER THAN BABYSITTING ???? IVE HAD TO LIVE WITH SO MUCH EMBARRASSMENT AND SHAME OVER NOT WANTING TO TAKE THE RISK OF HAVING A TINY FRAGILE HUMAN LIFE REST SOLELY IN MY POTENTIALLY INCOMPETENT HANDS WHILE MY BROTHER GETS TO GET BY MOWING PEOPLES GODDAMN LAWNS????? AND MAYBE REPAIRING THEIR DECKS WITH THE HELP OF ANOTHER ADULT???? HELLO?????

[lets-jam]

12, 17 and 18 if you feel like it 😁 wanted to pick more positive ones

choose violence fandom ask game

these are really fun... MORE... also 2077 again cause thats really the only 'fandom' ive been a 'part' of for the past few years

12 - the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

spider murphy!!! wheres the art about this bad bitch! who talks like someone from the movie hackers (1995) and is insane and was besties with the guy that literally broke the internet n like was kinda there for it. i think she wouldve been a great reference point for actual history of the web before it was forcibly ruined and destroyed, and had like actual opinions on that and opinions on how the new net was so corpo controlled that no one was even allowed to netrun like they used to! shes like another alt to me, lots of potential, interesting story or pov on stuff and just kinda a cool lady who was also actually 'friends' with johnny in not a sexual way so maybe we couldve had a woman related to him that didnt involve his only pov of them being about sex also a spider murphy alt interaction wouldve been so cool

17 - there should be more of this type of fic/art

more fic of alt not being some evil ai. more fic actually exploring the cyberpunk vibe of where does the self begin and end, at what point do we become a new person/being, what defines humanity (what we are or how we're treated or how we see ourselves or how others do?) and getting into the weirdness that is how johnny and v exist and at what point in their merge do they become a whole ass new person, play with memory and what that means for the self, existential horror of that variety. more fic exploring their relationship but in the very specific way *I* want to see it. more 'ship' fic that like plays with the fact they are living eachothers lives and are the same person and bleed into eachother but at the same time how they cant connect like regular people. more silverv fic where they actually play with the bittersweet nature of being separated and possible existential crisis happening because of that way of living they had being gone. more silverv fic where it doesnt work out cause ladies lets be honest it would not work out between them if johnny had a body. and more fic actually dealing with the kind of crisis that would come after executing a man on live television for the entertainment and profit of others. more fic where johnny and v butt heads philosophically the list goes on and on. and all of these are like where ive found like at least one that KIND of goes into this but... MORE. and also fic that understands the women from johnnys life have their own internal world and thoughts and life beyond him (and related to this johnnys feelings about being forever stuck in time and left behind by the world and others he knew) also more fic on ai being weird little fractaled aliens in their alien net world beyond the blackwall, maybe even some fun stories of people working in conjunction eith them maybe more stories of them posessing ppl willing or not knowledge about it or not esp since v is for all intents and purposes possessed by an ai themselves even if he doesnt think hes an ai art wise more comics like damn letsjam-art what happened :(

18 - it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

alt. being an actual person as in like her own multifaceted being and all the agnst from what happened to her (running theme apparently) actually dealing with the rammies of the internet infrastructure being completely gone for a time and causing a dark age as a result... like no one really deals with the rammies of what that would mean to just lose all that knowledge indefinitely not to mention lose the infrastructure, not to mention losing a world wide web cause im pretty sure its stated that nets are primarily local. dealing with how people are barred from doing any actual true netrunning since its so policed and controlled, how people arent even making their own programs but loading premade ones to use against others, which is where spider murphy wouldve been great to see the difference in what freelance netrunners could do back when the net was still around and untethered vs now again dealing with the identity crisis and weirdness and just what doesnt kill you makes you stranger vibe of unwillingly merging with another personality to the point you cant even tell where you end and they begin and maybe actually liking it by the end and i hate the game for doing this but it wouldve been so much more fun to have the usa still split apart into independent states that govern themselves vs whatevers left of the nusa vs like the no mans land in the middle of the country vs independent city states like night city. and even tho i didnt like them resetting the status quo in the game the game never really much delved into the fact THERE WAS A WAR ON AMERICAN SOIL RECONQUERING AND ANNEXING STATES BACK INTO THE NUSA like i just did not feel that major like event much int he game outside of like the random homeless veteran or like a single quest and vs too much of a blank slate to have any opinions on it so like whatever i guess but it wouldve been more fun to have an alien 'usa' to deal with in the game also sleeping on johnny actually being confronted with the death and suffering he caused that extended years beyond the nuking of the tower due to like radiation n shit and the resulting like 'red sky' era and like being challenged and possibly even changing his views on things as a result or like exploring what exactly it would take for johnny to change his mind on his whole 'this is for righteous justice that i can arbiter and any casualties are justified and acceptable' mindset

ty for the ask!

[marijkeoo]

my friend tried to kill herself and we crack jokes in the hospital room about the causes and effects and i love her but goddamn was it hard to stay awake i thought i was going to throw up after that spicy marg but i didnt and she kept drinking and now its all gone ive fallen off the horse but im still running beside it and i hope that i can get a second to breathe soon i couldnt recognize myself in the mirror on monday and i got up anyways and went to class i think i might have some kind of weird relationship with food but ive been eating scones with soft butter even though its so expensive and ive been healing i think my sister is still so incredibly stupid but at least i dont have to hear about it all the time and get unreasonably upset about the fact that we dont talk anymore and nothing ever changes but nothing stays the same my friend from back home is ghosting me even though we live a mere 10 minute bus ride away and it hurts i think even though i dont really think about her much my roommate is going back to toronto and might drop out but ive done it too and i think that everything will all work out itll all work out itll all work out itll all work out my parents are coming in two days and i wont tell them i want to sleep and im so aimless but i will say that i love the city and i love living here and im grateful every day for my life even if i wake up at 1pm after getting home at 6 and i miss my classes and its not even that i learn anything i just love a ritual and i was going to go get a job today but i think it has to wait another little bit and i have work to do but i think maybe its ok to eat some tinned fish and let my hair dry i never used to shower in the morning but now i dont always shower at night i want to be like the elif batuman character and go for runs and pretend everything is fine and study linguistics but then discover nothing can explain our little chatty quirks and give it up and study something so much better i.e. philosophy but i skipped the linguistics part and went straightt into this degree that i think i love but also i didnt really have a choice i need to pay for school next semester but i cant figure out how to believe that i can get money somehow i dont think ill ever be famous but maybe people can know me a little bit i have to be on the radio hosting a show soon but i cant force myself to want to actually forcing myself to do anything nowadays is so fucking hard but ive never had a mental illness and i think im too dutch to linger on myself too much i have this thing that i say all the time to my friends and i repeat it to myself it the mirror "you think too much about yourself" and i havent cried in six to eight months properly but i think i might pick it up as a hobby maybe i just need a hobby ive been reading a french translation of a milan kundaris book (rip king) and the woman roughly says "why do men never give what i give in return" and she says this to her partner and he wonders why she thinks this because its really fuckin stupid to him and he says "you know what i think about? war." and i thought that was really funny and i laughed out loud on the metro and the days are getting colder and the burning of limbs doesnt happen quite as bad and the burn is just skin or whatever and i type with these long red nails i stole from the drug store and im relearning how to speak and talk and interact with people even though i think im a linguistic terestrial bipedal animal and i saw a cool show on monday and only got five hours of sleep and i play euchre and sometimes i win and i just cant believe that she tried to kill herself but at least she came and woke me up if she died without letting me know i wouldve been really upset and i really dont tend towards emotion if you couldve heard the 911 call i made you would think that im a robot and my friend said i sounded like one in the hospital room last night i think that i need a little handycam and to get better and out of this rut im always in a rut it seems

also i just remebered that wherever you go you bring yourself with you and this is significant because i never feel at home anywhere i am i always feel alien im always an alien i need to become a professor at small liberal arts universities in rural canada and move every two years because i dont know how someone could stay where they are for longer than that i love this life that i have but i need to restart pretty regularly but im stuck here for at least two years then i move and go to winnipeg or saskatoon or calgary or up north maybe i go to yukon or iqualuit and i do a masters then i go to europe for a doctorate and come back parading around because i finally made my grandma happy and i send postcards and i tell my friends ill see them later because later is indefinite and saying see you in five years sounds gross and sad but later is always sometime sooner it feels and i want to be a ghost i need to be a ghost i want to wander into peoples lives and leave them but sometimes drop back in just to say hello over coffee and hour before i need to be at the airport my isolation feels key to my mission on earth and although i dont talk to God all the time i think i feel him residing in my soul and i know that my soul infuses everything i touch and if i ever get married it needs to be a tall protestant dutch man whos nice to me and likes to be around me and i dont know if ill ever find a man like that but desires not a crime my life is spinning out i need to smoke a dart but i dont want to spend money on cigs i have a matchbook i stole from a bar and i think we should bring back lighting belmonts with matches its so rare we get to hold fire in our hands the smoke pit is a gift if your a bullshitter like me i heard that run clubs are the new dating apps but i think that running with people usually sucks and having anyone i could potentially be interested in see me like that would give them the ick and i think its good to be alone, at least until summer when i can go sit on a patio and drink a light beer my friend showed me coffee tonics and i think i could die happy if i had one in my hand all the time and i have a pink moka pot and life always works out for me because every day on this earth is another day that i get to drink my coffee and eat tuna and see little dogs and sit in the library and sunbathe in the park and listen to amy winehouse and exist in a moment

[ilovehimsosomuchjk]

If we were in another college i could atleast blame our situation. Atleast i could reason it was the distance why we grew apart. Yet now when i see uour face i feel.. if i never tried, you wouldn’t either. Maybe i should just shut up. Maybe i should talk tobyou. But everytime i do i feel as if im the only one who has a problem with you maybe you dont have a problem with me and im creating these out of thin air. You never tell me what you dont like about me. You dont tell me what goes on in your life even if i ask a thousand times. Never before but now i have to beg you to talk about yourself. Say smh.

The moment we sat down you had this expression on your face. Thr one so disturbef because i had to pay. I can feel how distant we have grown and i feel you slipping from my arms. I could only sit and cry for what i have done. I can only reap for what i have sown. Never being your best friend again… rven the thought makes my skin crawl. But i feel you slipping from my arms, maybe its all my fault for what I’ve done.

You will have new friends and i think you will hate me. Even if i beg you to please love me.

I realise it over and over again everytime i replay that scene. Where i acted immature and you left me on seen. I wish so desperately to go back in time, never before have i ever felt you weren’t mine.

Even now with tears streaming down my cheeks

I can only mourn what couldve been.