#just. maybe in another life we couldve been friends.

[acaciapines]

nano day twenty-two

words today: 6608

words total: 58137

IM SO TIRED. YELLS. i wrote so MUCH screaming crying etc etc. this was a lil bit of a pulling teeth day. i would write one sentence then have to pace around my room. repeat ad infinitum.

but!!! the chapter is DONE!! this just leaves one final chapter for me to write, which i should be able to do before the end of the month!

im glad i pushed myself bc since tomorrow is thanksgiving theres basically 0 chance im able to write anything lol. i'll probably pick away at other project outlines (i'll have my phone which is where i do a lot of my outlining) but nothing substantial.

anyways. time for me to be eepy and yall to get your daily depressing king&collector content.

my favorite part of what i wrote today:

The silence yawns between them, some impassable gap. It’s The Collector that breaks it. Most of their stars have died away. “Are you even really my friend? King opens his mouth, closes it. Tries again, but no words come out. It’s a simple question. No, he should say. I’m only here because you forced me to be. Because for some reason I was the one you grabbed, the one you were obsessed with. If I wasn’t a Titan you would’ve turned me into a puppet like you did to everyone else. No, he tries to say, and not a single word comes out. What comes out instead is this. “You know when we were on the slayground,” King says, “and we were playing that we were Titans, and we were hiding from your siblings?” “Yeah,” says The Collector, “I remember.” King stands. “I think…” he starts, as he climbs up the stairs into the archives, and The Collector doesn’t move at all, eyes on him. Not demanding. Just present. “I…I think it would be really nice. If that game was true. But it isn’t.” He enters the archives, and it wrenches at his heart, but he doesn’t look back.

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

alright chat . it's time for "dissecting the inherent tragedy of transformers: botbots and the relationships in them":

toxic doomed yuri edition ( referring to these two ↑ )

(yes, i made this picmix myself 4 this. i have no regrets. also no tl;dr because you guys NEED to read this)

something i want y'all to understand is that it is Not about the idea that spud wasn't loved. he was VERY much loved by everyone, ESPECIALLY burgertron.

the whole point is that he sabotaged himself in the process of ruining someone else's life, someone who valued him and his word above others. he and burgertron BOTH let their ego get in the way of their personal lives, the only difference is that burgertron at least had the dignity to swallow his pride and apologise when it mattered most.

He gave spud a second chance because he loved him. because he recognised that he does deserve redemption, and above all else, he wants spud to know he cares, even if that means he'll never see him again, or they'll never be friends. (Even in light of the "sidekick" comment, i genuinely don't think he held any inherent malice in that statement. even if burgs was an egotist, he still loved him.)

the worst thing burgertron did in their relationship was be unaware, and im sure that despite his ego, he never meant for spud to get hurt. that's why he went out of his way to protect him, when he couldve just stood there and let spud get put on the back of a truck to never be seen again. it would have been easy.

but he didn't. he did the hard thing. the Right thing. he stood up for someone who never did the same for him.

Spud Was Loved. Spud Is loved. and sometimes love isn't going to look pretty, or manifest in holding hands and cuddling, and it isn't all rainbows and sunshine. it can hurt. it can be letting go of someone who you hurt by accident, who you never meant to harm, but it happened anyways because you made the fatal mistake of being oblivious.

And that's what Burgertron did. he let Spud go, because he understood they both needed time to heal on their own terms. regardless of if he's mad at him or not, he does still harbor positive feelings for him, and he stood up for him during times he probably shouldn't have. If he ACTUALLY hated spud, he wouldn't have stuck his neck out for him at bot prom. or believe spud when he was lying through his teeth in the games.

And that's what makes them so tragic. perhaps in another world, another life, they'd have been Actual good friends, who truly stuck by each other. maybe things would have been different.

But we'll never know that now, will we?

[digitaljesterr]

Thinking about how different my life couldve been if i wasnt autistic and physically disabled :(

It's so hard properly accepting at nineteen years old that I can't do a lot of the things people my age do, yano?

Like physical disability wise, i can't walk further than two-three minutes without a walking aid, when i make new friends i have to explain to them about my mobility issues, because i'm scared to just 'show up' with my mobility aid and be seen as faking or unnecessarily using it. I can't just walk about town for hours with my friends, which for some reason everyone i meet seems to wanna do, because i need breaks every five minutes so that i don't pass out / find myself unable to walk back. I can't dance the night away on a damn nightclub dancefloor without drinking copius amounts of alcohol and causing myself to be floored pain wise the next week or so. I panic when travelling because i'm not sure my rolator will fit into the bus, i panic when walking around with my rolator because i'm scared people will look at me and think i don't need it.

When it comes to me being autistic, it's so hard to socialise no matter how much i want to because i never feel like i can fully drop my mask, and its EXHAUSTING. I get so burnt out and i cant talk to ANYONE for ages, and then when it comes to talking to people again after a week or two of not talking to them, i'm too anxious to message first 😭 i also struggle so hard making friends irl because i do not know how to just walk up to people and talk to them, and even when i DO do that, it never goes anywhere, we usually just end up being mutuals on instagram and occasionally like eachothers posts </3 i always worry about coming across as too 'weird' or 'offputting' and i struggle letting people in properly because of the way people would treat me in school due to my autistic traits.

i can't work because of my disabilities, i can't get an education, i literally have two qualifications to my name 😭 i've tried college 4 times and dropped out every time and its SO DRAINING!! i just want to do something with my life, but all i can do is survive :(

Idk i just wonder how different life woulda been, you know? Maybe i'd have a job, maybe even my dream job! Maybe i'd have more qualifications, maybe a dog, or another pet, and maybe i'd have a group of friends. I feel so silly for thinking this way :(

Does anyone else feel similarly?

[autumnfangirler]

The Magician in Reverse: When was your character manipulated?

The High Priestess in Reverse: When has your character felt betrayed emotionally?

For Sofia and Johan? (I hope I spelled those right)

HELLOO EVENING THANK YOU FOR THESE OPPY!!! but also goddamn the emotionally painful questions first huh (also yes you spelled them right dw). small headsup that these two are actually being renovated atm so if i say anything here and end up saying something else later on. dont even worry about it 👍

The Magician in Reverse: When was your character manipulated?

Sofia- sofia is an oblivious naive 8 year old child, literally when has she Not been manipulated. if i had to pick one instance tho, i would say it was during the first time she got on a ship– ie, meeting the rival crew. she was brought on board the ship with the promise of a life full of adventures and fun. really, they just wanted child labor. she picked up on it fast though, which is part of the reason she decided to help vincent beat their asses when he showed up lmfao. the current crew they run with is at least a lot more upfront with their thoughts, those thoughts being "go find another ship we can Not afford to take care of children."

Johan- johan has an excellent nose and a keen memory. sometimes, though, there are things he picks up that, when he asks, gets waved off. over the years, hes learned to curb his curiousity from family, friends, and even his own crew in favour of respecting their privacy. lately, though, he cant help the feeling that theres something hes missing– maybe something more than he can afford to let go.

The High Priestess in Reverse: When has your character felt betrayed emotionally?

Sofia- this feels like spoilers, but one particular fight she had with vincent stuck with her. vincent has always been a little stricter with her than he was to other people (not his fault but thats another matter entirely) but this was full on Fury at her for messing up, for not doing what she was told, for being the way that she is. shes been told so many times in her life that she people didnt like her, but it never felt so real until it was vincent telling her those things. never hurt as much either.

Johan- hes a levelheaded individual, so hes hard to emotionally shake. however, hearing that his sisters bar– the bar he grew up running, mind you– was on the verge of bankruptcy, and gina deliberately hid that fact from him hurt. he doesnt hold it against her, and learning about it eventually led to him joining the crew, so it was a net-positive overall, but he still wishes she couldve trusted him to help.

questions from here!

[cerealmonster15]

im letting sims mostly run in the bg as i do other things and peek back in now and then

chenya!!!!! he maxed mischief i think almost completely on his own bc i mostly left his sim up to his own devices lol

ive also let deuce hatch threeeee chicks in his coop. i kept getting the notif that the chickens and rooster were getting old but they havent died.. im not sure if it's bc i have aging turned off for regular sims so maybe the same goes for animals but they just stay old forever? or maybe it just takes a while and you get notified a lot lol. i remember selling epels cow bc i thought it was gonna die but maybe i was bamboozled.

chenya wants to start beef with some random npc and i do think his mischief related aspiration goal thing needs him to be disliked so i mean go nuts pal

riddle also got level 9 gaming skill lol everyone loves to autonomously use that gamer mat, and since i play heartslabyul house the most often they have the highest skills... you know who i havent played in a while tho? fish dorm. ill check them after i see if i can get trey that last promotion-

...he heard me.

he let himself in and started fixing the sink lol

i had cater practicing his spells and now SILVER HIS BOYFRIEND has called to challenge him to a duel. ive been rejecting the duels lately bc i get them when ive got sims in the middle of something but sure why not!!!

rip...

aughhh trey please yorue so CLOSEEEEEEEE next time for sure...

YAAAAY!!!!!!

...cater is so close to his too tho. fish can wait a little longer...

riddle is listening to him practice :)

YES maybe he can play jazz tunes in the mostro lounge... i s2g if i get the dine out or whatever expansion it's all over for u bitches... actually what if i remade all my twst sims again but in sims 3. i could have azul slowly purchase all the businesses in the land. true tycoon fdsjfklsdj

why does this feel like a threat kfdsfklh "hey lilia and i are FRIENDS so goof fucking LUCK trying to thwart my deal with bananaclaw now bitch"

^ this was all from earlier in the week lol i forgot to come back to it!!! but cater should have his promotion when he goes into work today. also the reaper rewards week 2 started i guess!!

so while i waited for cater to go to work i summoned the reaper again, and we gotta be friends with him, which is kinda hard bc my sims all keep developing a fear of death lol. i did swap this household to have the scare enjoyers trait on this lot or something bc JUICE IS SCARED CONSTANTLY but that makes the others get bored sometimes lol. so caters scared but hes also excited about it. i hope he doesnt fucking die or whatever lol

ok well it worked and then cater i guess got over it. he went to go talk to trey and fucking SPRINTED through the house to get to him lol it was kinda cute 😭 trey has i guess just been standing there making drink after drink after drink lol

FSJFDSFKLJ OK I GOT A SHOT OF HIM RUNNING hes going to work now and bc hes so energized i guess hes got this manic sprint going lol.

this grim reaper quest is like "ooo you need to be leveling stuff like gardening and cooking :)" as if trey and riddle havent already got that covered!!! fishing is another story lol i really need to check FLOYD but while im waiting for cater i may as well knock these out

keith invited ortho over and ortho went to go hang at treys bar lol

CAY GOT HIS PROMOTION!!

and trey learned to confuse people with magic lol. OKAY TIME TO SEE WHAT OCTAVINELLE IS DOING!!!

i sent floyd to fish and like. he has cowplant berries. i have NO memory of how he couldve gotten those. anyway that finished up the grim reaper quests this week!!! i kept seeing people on youtube pop up in thumbnails being like IT'S HARD??? but like. not with my twst boys who have stacked skills lol i have been breezing through them so far...

oh yea lemme check the relationships-

oh my god. jade and malleus went from disliked or w/e to mega haters. i dont see much different with anyone else kfhsg

i forgot floyds life aspiration stuff was related to being a spellcaster so thats why he was the only one that was already magic when i went to turn everyone else lol

azul got a huge W at work??? one of those pop up choices to invest or not in a startup and i got 50k for doing it... godspeed you business master i guess - OH HES ALREADY LEVEL 10 AT HIS JOB i didnt even realize lol... i mustve pushed it a while ago lol and jades level 9 mixologist ... good for them

okay my question on if jaderook happened bc i did it or if the game did it was answered - it mutstve been the game bc i had to make them introduce themselves despite already being in a relationship lol

also even tho i have relationship decay off it still feels like it does lol the romance i had for trey and jade seems to have shrunk and also hes stuck at acquaintances despite such a big friendship bar. thats an issue ive had pop up quite a few times in sims 4 tbh 😑 floyd and trey have also seemed to decay in the romance bar they auto started lol. but i guess maybe thats from story progression also idk!!

trey called and asked to come over so now theyre having a little polycule party while i sent floyd off to go fish more and azuls at work

HANG ON i had azul invite jamil over so they could play chess bc azul was stressed after work and like. DID I NOT ALREADY HAVE THEM DO THAT?? i guess not. i just had them at max romance soulmate level and i never had them make it official LOL wow. and azul did that on his own just now like i didnt click on it. i invited jamil over and made them hug, jamil auto rubbed azuls shoulders, and azul turned around and was like WILL YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND lol

lilia showed up while floyd was fishing so i made them hang the fuck out!! chaos bffs RIGHT NOW!!!

i had jamil stay the night and cook w/azul... in sims azul can fulfill his dream of getting jamil in his kitchen and to willingly hang out with him LOL... floyd JADE is lurking in the back to come cause problems i think tho, hes headed straight for jamil while theyre trying to coo- HANG ON

WHAT THE FUCK LSDOFHGKLJFKLSJ he just walked right through them into the counter hdlfkjsj HEY GUYS STOP COOKING WHATS UP HIIII even at the top it says awkward encounter... fkhsdlfhs he fucking broke the laws of physics to crash their DATE!!

okayyy like he left the counter but hes standing directly between them just going on his phone , jamil and azul are just 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ waiting for him to leave LOL

i saw malleus outside doing pushups and since jade hates his ass i had him run over and commit the greatest sin possible with malleus and give him a FALSE INVITATION!!!

also ace showed up uninvited, and neither of the tweels had met him yet so i had them do that - floyd immediately annoyed him LOL. then he just kinda walked inside and started using their computer, as sims tend to do . i had floyd bother him more and that hiad mixed success, so theyre not off to a great start

anyway im sleepy and also hit image limit anyway so i guess thats the end of this update klhsdklfhs maybe ill revisit diasomnia next time, i wanna give someone the goth jeans i unlocked from the grim reaper rewards. and the earrings? idr if i remembered to give them those either.

[strawbhat]

30-09-24

I HAVENT WRITTEN IN SO LONG IM SO SORRY!!!! IVE BEEN SO SLEEPY T_T. lemme give u the week recap

thursday I didn't do a single thing. well that's a lie i went to my neighbours a little bit! i escorted her from the train station bc it was raining like CRAZZYYY and she didnt have an umbrella. but she got me a boo basket!! its a little thing she does every autumn but she made me one as a thanks for helping with moving!! it was sooo cute it had a blanket, like a glass stanley cup thing, loooots of chocolate and facemasks! shes so cute i almost cried for real. also we watched a little of attack on titan but then i went to bed.

friday i had college. i cant really remember ow it went i think i dissociated the whole time, but afterwards i had d&d! we finished the temple/dungeon and there was a HUUUGE boss fight! it was a wolf with antlers that was like the voice of the forest and omg it did this one attack that did 47 DAMAGE to everyone... i was scared for my life. but we won! and after that i had a SECOND dnd session with the server i joined... which wasnt that good. the dm was super nice! but the players were very uh.. meh. maybe i was just super sleepy and pissed off!

saturday... was rough. my friend moved so i woke up at like 8am (horrific for a day off) and helped her move for what like 14 hours straight? i thought i was going to die. but she bought me pasta afterwards! my legs are still killing me... i stayed at her new place afterwards too and its so nice!! i'm so happy for her that she finally has somewhere actually liveable ugh.

sunday we went 2 ikea!! another early morning (kms) but i had a nice time spending time w my friend :3 i got a desk chair and loads of cute little decor for the cats! I GOT THEM A TENT!!! SO CUTE! but yes i spent wayyy too much money and when i got home i got mylaptop out to type this and passed out instantly...

today was rough. seriously did not want to go to college. i toldmy mum about the mindfullness guy being weird and she got me out of his session today!! yay! im surprised i even went in TBH. its a miracle! i had a super rough time though, like mute all day. i felt so rude but also stop speaking to me I BEGGGG just leaf me alone T_T adhd 16 yr olds are so fucking loud. AND THEYRE ALL MOUTHBREATHERS omfg i couldve killed someone for real. but i got through it!

on the taxi home my driver was being very antivaxx nd i could not stya quiet like usual (too sleepy to keep it in) so i feel bad. but he was being a weirdo.

and then i napped when i got home! willow stayed curled up with me for like 4 hrs it was sooo cute!! nad then i had d&d again!! srsly the best session ever it was just us concluding the like temple arc! we learned sm world lore and riley got a cool blessing and we got cool items! and got so much gold! and came up with a super sick team name (the Buckanéires). and they learned rodri isnt dead! okay nerd time over. i need to go to sleep so fucking bad .

love u sooo much my sweet little princesses!

song of the day... i didn't listen to any music gimme a second

The River by Daisy Jones & The Six

[bookishtheaterlover7]

The world does not revolve around Chris. He does not have private people follow him around 24/< for hair , makeup and styling. STOP thinking he's Carmen Sandiago. Hes not the Dr. He doesnt have a Tardis where he can juat pop up in diffrent coutries

🗑 messed up big we saw neither of thise rings were hers as multiple celebs have gone on Re cord how it words with borrowed jewlery so they wouldnt be putting things on there that didnt below. Theres been half a dozen rumors olthey are each flying back and forth and here and there and it statted immediately after Bookie and her friend exposed the video Jus and 🗑 posted. Immediately after it got traction rumors started and rumors will continue to clean up the mess.

No one knows when a video is made. I do pagesnts and not pageants have narional winners do holiday shoots all in one day. Evwry single holiday we made a video for and did photos with specific clothes and changes of make up here and there. He couldve filmed the video right after the auction was over or he couldve done it last weekend. It doesnt matter. And yea you cant deny that is a weird yellow gold color.

STOP trying to drum up drama

Oh and p.s. if youre going to post thing fro lm soxial at leaat be smart enough to see what is or isnt enabled on his profile right now

But lets STOP looking for drama take the quiet and enjoy sweater season. Aldo atop trying to figure out where he is based off when things are posted. Chris has said hes a night own and up late so fans probably expect things to be put up late. Or maybe* gasp* soemone forgot to post it so they did it quick or maybe well maybes can go on fkrever ok so stop reading into everything it will not onlt drive you nuts but everyone else.

The fansom should be an escape not oh god what new drama could i encounter if i say hi to friends

Well said, An🫶n, and seriously, go off!!!

And I agree... All of this back and forth is truly a pain for all. Not everything has to be broken down. I'm honestly waiting for photos or video to analyze.

And it's true, about the thing about the Fandom being some sort of escape. I came and joined for the happy fun times, I only stumbled into this because somebody got me curious. Now, I'm here, and we finally have the chance to enjoy the Fandom without Albitch and her merry band of thick faced racists making some form of drama one way or another.

I'm sorry! But I will fight but only if bullshit is around. It helps me with whatever is going on in my personal life. But the analysis of when he posts or where he's flown to and where, I'll listen but doesn't mean I'm going to overcomplicate my life trying to figure out WTF is going on somewhere over the rainbow.

This is definitely not good bye. Not by a long shot. This is a I need to take time for myself, and enjoy life while I'm not preoccupied in/with someone else's drama.

But either when I finish those fics I promised, or if something big happens, I will be back...

And final message for trolls and Team Real just waiting to pounce...

See you soon...

[system-vent]

one of the nastiest nastiest feelings is taking our shirt off and its not even because the body is human and afab and im a tabaxi tiger and amab, i have accepted that and i can look past it. i can cope with that, it doesnt bother me or any hosts or ex-hosts. what bothers me is the scars on our arm that come from a very harmful frequent fonter we had because i KNOW that the scars from him were preventable. i know we couldve stopped him. why the hell didnt we stop him from doing any of that? if we had known he had bad intentions and was doing all those bad things on purpose we wouldnt have let him front but he kept saying he was trying, he would be better, hes just anxious, hes depressed, he has bpd. so do the rest of us the body has those disorders you dont see me causing half the shit he did?? i hate him.

seperate rant/ramble: as i was typing this i heard either coyotes screaming outside, or i had an auditory hallucination. i hate this body and it's schizophrenia for a multitude of reasons which sends me on a new tangent ☝️🤓 i hate having schizophrenia because its often misdiagnosed as did (/srs) and we go "ohhh but maybe im faaaaking" i can garuntee you that the disassociative amnesia regarding our childhood may be a sign! and the very obvious shifts of personality, and also earlier today i had a fleeting thought that was something i wouldnt think and i thought it in the voice of one of my headmates. lo and behold he fronted without my noticing and neither of us know how long he was in front for.

on another note i hate hate hate having to self disgnose. our mother gets aggravated and has a borderline mental breakdown every single time one of us asks her why she thinks we are not autistic because to us and to other people with autism it is BLINDINGLY obvious, just as an example of why we need to self disgnose this much. schizophrenia, adhd, depression, anxiety, and various physical issues are all things we have been diagnosed with. we suspect autism, bpd, aspd, did, and dyslexia. we did not think about any of these disorders or about having them, and we knew nothing about them until friends with said disorders would talk about their experiences and vent about it and we went "oh no... oh no..." and then we had to go do vast amounts of research into them and overlapping disorders and just. so much research. and the autism part takes EVERYTHING literally and at face value so very often we will go "oh this cant be us! we dont have every single symptom!" and it is, in fact, us. we also fakeclaim ourselves when we hear stories about how bad these disorders can be and ours is never that bad. its bad enough to actually genuinely impact our life more often than not and the symptoms are very distressing when we notice them, but they arent as bad as they could be which to a lot of my headmates makes it very obvious that we do not have the disorders we very much do. it causes a lot of denial towards ourselves, we had looked into dyslexia and joking about having it for months but we never flat out said we have dyslexia until one of our managers straight up told someone "yeah we're dyslexic this losers are just in denial because we can send messages that are coherent. they think we are not dyslexic because we go back and correct any typos? doesnt make sense to me. the typos are still made, and we still miss a lot of words we need to correct very often. oh yes im aware theyre idiots." sometimes fakeclaimer logic is just so broken. we also have a lot of alters that have dyslexia in source memories and whenever they fromt our typing gets much worse which obviously means we don't actually have dyslexia OR did! /sarc. DID truely stands for dumb idiot disorder because i could spend a week listing times when our symptoms for all our disorders were very very prominant.

.

[herobrinna]

ok so ive spammed my friend with toh thoughts a bit to much so time to ramble here i suppose. (sorry in advance thisll be very disjointed and go from one random point to another).

my main take away from the finale is that it felt a bit... hollow?

like dont get me wrong, the animation was so fucking good. getting more titan and collector lore was also so cool (and hellooo The Titan being such a genderqueer royal? absolutely love how natural toh rep is, like its just thrown out there and no one questions it, just how shit is, absolutely bangers- *gets shot*). and aaaa, the aged up re-designs of all the characters are so good, especially like the detail how all the hexsquad have a flapjack tattoo.

yet there are so many bits that just feel off? like they couldve been handle better (even with the cut runtime the show had).

first lets start with the Collector who just got done dirty, like their whole arc was about the fear of being alone again, yet at the end they decided to leave? just like that? like would it not make more sense for him to stay with Eda, to learn to control his powers better and make new friends. especially them leaving to "mature" or whatever doesnt really make sense, like how can they grow as a person if they dont interact with others, if they dont get exposed to different opinions and believes and all that.

and i dont really like Collie, but it still feels like he deserved better, especially after taking up so much runtime.

actually you know what wouldve made the show better? not introducing the Collector in the first place.

no but think about it, why waste so much runtime on a character that didnt even exist before the show was cut (and thus had very little foreshadowing and buildup to his introduction) and then to not even give them a sweeter ending?

if anything the show shouldve stuck with the Day of Unity being the true finale. like honestly if DoU happened over the 3 specials they actually had plenty of time to flesh out all the existing characters further, maybe there could have been even a little more time for more slice of life moments. but then the whole bit with Collie just feels likes taking away precious time, that his character could have only worked if the show wasnt cut, but if it wasnt cut he wouldnt have existed in the first place, so man idk.

and on the topic of the DoU, holy shit Belos got done dirty, im actually mildly mad at his demise.

like it just overall doesnt make sense thematically.

like, ok this is gonna be hard to phrase, and i would like to straight away say i dont think Belos should ever be redeemed, just gonna use other characters redemptions as example.

so toh throughout its enite runtime is really set on showing that everyone deserves a second chance for as long as they want and are willing to change. we see this with Lilith who was pretty much immediately redeemed at the beginning of s2, and whilst many people say it was rushed, or she didnt deserve it, i think otherwise. like throughout s1 she only tries to get Eda into the Emperor's coven out of the belief that Belos will cure her, cuz yknow, she feels really fucking guilty for cursing her sister, and even then she doesnt really force Eda that much into joining, like there are many moments of weakness were Lilith couldve dragged Eda to the emperor, but she didnt, she gave Eda many chances to join on her own. and again the only reason she even wanted Eda to be in the coven was to right her mistake of cursing her. so after going through that guilt for years of course shed be forgiven quickly, as she showed that she wants to change, be better and all that.

we see this with Hunter as well, though his redemption was more gradual, yet still his past wrongs arnt brought up, like how he patronised Eda and Luz during his first meeting, or attacked Amity in eclipse lake, cuz he was also doing shit out of the belief of helping people, and clearly wanted to change for the better, so why bring up his past wrongs when hes a better person now and all that.

why bring this up?

well with Belos toh brought up an interesting dilemma, what do you do with a person that doesnt want to change, thats stuck in a loop of his short sighted beliefs in a system thats ready to accept and help anyone that tries to change regardless of their past?

and the answer to that being to just kill him?

like how does that solve anything? he died thinking he was in the right, that witches are still spawns of satan or whatever tf. it just feels like it goes against what the show established.

now dont get me wrong, the scene of him trying to manipulate Luz for the millionth time and her just staring him down completely unfazed is amazing, it says more than any actual words could ever. what isnt is then Raine, Eda and King immediately stomping him afterwards, which again, just proofs Belos' point that witches are "evil" from his perspective. (how did he even die from that when even mf Collie wasnt able to kill him? and ne got hit by a car and that *still* didnt kill him either, it just feels like he shouldve survived that)

so imagine if instead of them stomping him down they decided to imprison him, that will of course also have the effect of saving him from the boiling rain. so now Belos has to live with the fact that it was witches that saved him, the same witches he'd never show that kind of mercy to, the same witches he would murder the second he got the chance, and what makes it worse is the fact that the human, the one he oh so creepily obsessed over didnt even do anything, wouldve left him suffer in the boiling rain if she had the choice.

and just generally, letting him actually *live* with the consequences of his actions would have been so much more fitting. like dying is easy, wayy too easy, an escape from consequences, but actually living with said consequences, well thats delightfully horrific.

and his death isnt the only way that they done him dirty, the Titan also basically just said that Belos is just evil and theres nothing more too it, when there literally is?? like hello what were all thos Hollow Mind paintings for if not to show that Belos aint just pure evil, how he is a victim of shitty circumstances, yet how despite that it doesnt excuse the extent to which he took shit to.

and the just forgot about that?

... oh right, they forgot the memory paintings even existed untill someone posted their own redraws of them, no wonder they fucked Belos' character up so much :/

man im getting tired from rambling this much lol

but overall its just toh has so many missed opportunities, i could go on and on about them, although not like my rambles make any sense probably, and many people have def explained similar point much better so im just gonna shit up now.

(and of course im gonna rewrite this for my oc x Belos au <3 )

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Hello :) Welcome back to another episode of Smol Copy-Pastes A Ramble/Rant From Discord And Calls It A Tumblr Post. This week, we’ll be looking at one of my Crying Over Nishiki sessions which ALSO became a full on rant against Kazama! Whoo! Here we go, gonna be another ‘read more’ cause a) spoilers, and b) reeeeally long unhinged ranting about fictional men :D

“LOOK I COULDVE FIXED HIM, EVEN AFTER HE SLAPPED REINA, I'D HAVE BEEN LIKE 'LISTEN BBY I LOVE U IM HERE FOR U BUT GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER THERE RIGHT NOW AND APOLOGISE TO REINA!!!!!'

BUT NOOOOOO EVERYONE JUST HAD TO DECIDE TO BE A HUGE BITCH TO HIM AND BECAUSE THE DUMBASS LASHED OUT AT ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE HE HAD LEFT AND PROBABLY FELT LIKE HE COULDNT GO BACK AND APOLOGISE CAUSE I THINK HIS SELF ESTEEM IS ALREADY LOW ENOUGH BY THEN TO NOT EVEN THINK HE DESERVES HER FORGIVENESS AND THEN YUKO FUCKING DIES BECAUSE KAZAMA IS A FUCKING SHIT DAD AND EVERYONE IS A DICK TO HIM UNPROMPTED AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

point is i want to rip Kazama's spine out with my bare hands

hate how the game acts like he's so cool and good when he's really not he failed his kids so so badly ACTUALLY NO THEYRE NOT HIS KIDS HE'S THE ENTIRE REASON THEYRE ORPHANS”

(at this point I moved to the spoilers channel to continue my Unending Kazama Hatred)

OKAY SO TIME TO SCREAM ABOUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER KAZAMA AND HOW THE GAME SUCKS HIS DICK do you have ANY idea how much i hated when they go to Tojo HQ so Tachibana can pay em to leave his sugar baby alone and the old fucker who weve never seen before is like 'u know i'd have paid a billion yen for Kazama when he was ur age. are u worth that much? are u as good as him?' LISTEN HERE CUNT HE IS A BETTER MAN THAN KAZAMA EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE!!!!!!!

WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHIN SEEING AS HE'S REALLY ANNOYING IN THIS GAME like okay i get it Kazama is a yakuza and ex-hitman i EXPECT him to have done bad shit and it's very nice he set up the orphanage n all but it also isnt cause like bro you murdered these kids parents!!! and idk anythin about their life in the orphanage i'll admit but as an active yakuza i cannot imagine him being the most hands-on, tender, loving parent ever, yknow? ALSO ALSO like i know he tried to stop Kiryu and Nishiki becomin yakuza im just saying YA COULDVE TRIED HARDER MATE!!!! THEY WERE SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, THEY WERE CHILDREN FOR GOD'S SAKE. KIRYU WAS LIKE 'WHY WONT U LET US BE LIKE U YOURE A YAKUZA U GET A COOL CAR AND PEOPLE RESPECT U LET US TRY AND HAVE THAT' YOURE LETTING HIM SELL HIS SOUL TO A LIFE OF CRIME BECAUSE HE WANTS A FUCKING CAR?????? I DONT CARE HOW STRONG THEY WERE IN THAT FIGHT YA FUCKIN SIT THEM DOWN AND GET RID OF THE ILLUSION OF GLAMOUR!!!!! TELL THEM THEYRE WORTH MORE THAN JUST GRUNTS WHO ARE GOOD WITH THEIR FISTS AND NOT MUCH ELSE, ONE FIGHT IN THE RAIN AND YOURE LETTING THEM JOIN, ABSOLUTELY FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT 

AND THEN HE'S SHOVING THEM OFF TO ANOTHER FAMILY BECAUSE OF SOME POLITICAL BULLSHIT IDK BUT FINE FAIR ENOUGH YA DONT WANNA PLAY FAVOURITES BUT I FUCKING HATE THIS WHOLE 'OH SEEMS DISTANT AND UNCARING BUT ACTUALLY HE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING AND HAS THEIR WELLBEING IN MIND' I JUST- JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!! 

MAYBE YA SHOULD PLAY FAVOURITES WHEN ONE OF YOUR CHARGES IS DYING VERY QUICKLY AND HER BROTHER HAS NO ONE FOR SUPPORT. INSTEAD OF FUCKIN LETTING THE GUY THEY APPARENTLY SEE AS BIG BROTHER FUCKING REPRIMANDING THE GUY CAUSE HE CANT GET CONTROL OF OR RESPECT FROM THE PEOPLE YOU ASSIGNED HIM AND SEEMINGLY KNEW THEYD BE DIFFICULT!!!!! HOW IS MY BOY MEANT TO ""PROVE HIMSELF"" WHEN HES DEALING WITH THE TRAUMA OF TAKING A LIFE (EVEN IF THE FUCKER HAD IT COMING), THE GUILT OF LETTING HIS BEST FRIEND TAKE THE FALL, AN ACT OF PURE KINDNEES IN CONTRAST TO HIS OWN BRUTAL IRREVERSIBLE ONE, THE STRESS OF TRYING TO SAVE HIS SISTER WHO IS DYING (MAYBE CONTRIBUTE SOME EXTRA CASH KAZAMA??? MAYBE???) AND DEALING THE AFOREMENTIONED DISRESPECTFUL FUCKERS AND LASHING OUT AND HURTING THE ONE PERSON HE HAS LEFT AND BURNING THAT BRIDGE, AND THE GIRL HE KILLED A MAN FOR HAS LOST HER MEMORY AND VANISHED (WHICH YOU HELPED WITH KAZAMA!!! YOU KNEW SHE WAS SAFE!!!!), 

AND THEN THE GRIEF OF LOSING HIS SISTER FOR NO. FUCKING. PURPOSE. HE SOLD OUT HIS REMANING MORALS, HIS PRIDE, ANY RESPECT OTHERS MAY HAVE HAD FOR HIM ALL TO SAVE HER AND IT FAILED. HE WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT ALONE. YEAH I'D HAVE FUCKIN TURNED EVIL AS WELL!!!!!!!

im not sayin Nishiki is fully free of blame, obviously, he made his choices, and murdering Reina after using her love for him to further his own ends AND killing Shinji and ALL of the shit he pulls in Kiwami, yeah, completely fucked up, horrible, his choices, he did that shit. im just saying that i dont know, maybe if ya wanted to step in at any point in the last ten fucking years Kazama (preferably before that too), ya couldve and fuckin SHOULDVE”

I’ll be honest with ya lads, I stand by every word of this cfvgbhnjkgvbhnj

[cielospeaks]

ok predictions/reactions to f-h (not negative necessarily?)

firstoff the banner itself

-shame abt the 17 stuff. imo its really fucking clear that the people in charge of f e as a whole hate the game for its more whimsical/shonen/super sentai tone of “friendship and understanding” and just want a cringey “angst” fest (aka angst that just excuses horrible characters) like 16 (and to be fair a lot of other things in the franchise too). but like imo its not the worst. the vas are clearly doing a good job and the artist too, and its cool and cute to see ivy in the game, even if its just a seasonal

-the others i dont rlly care abt. if i liked e ir at all i def dont after she screwed over an entire country and her presumable former friends there just because she found out her birth family’s world is a place she likes better. like its awful what she went through but imo she still killed a person for no reason when she couldve just told the truth, and even if it would have been painful she should have taken responsibility for her position. but whatever its very eh. and thats all my thoughts pretty much. actually suprised f jorm wasnt the duo but whatevs

-the new story/new oc: i was rooting for all 4 alfr to get resplendent/ect darn it! oh well. it looks like most likely peo and plumie will be the focus (which is good for me bc i love plumie but i wish tri would get good things too ; ; ) and hopefully tri and peo will actually get scenes together acknowledging their relationship as sisters (esp as it was alluded to in last years peo! gosh i hope so pls.) bc b4 screwed them over (esp tri) big time with its fruitless and nonsensical “plot twists”

-another thing that im really happy abt is that the temptri stories (except b3 for... reasons) tend to not involve the main cast of the game, which honestly is a breath of fresh air. b2′s one was horrendous bc of the dragons and the retcons, but it could have been so much worse. 3′s too if im being honest. e irs obsession w the main cast is... very regrettable but also understandable, so it wasnt too much detracting imo. im just hoping they keep this up with b4 and dont fucking involve those horrible and ridiculous “plot twists” from book 4. can we please just fucking forget any shitty changeling stories/plotlines in any media ever pls. (except m l p. youre cool you can stay. cough cough unrealistic expectations for this kind of story cough cough)

-that being said plumie + peo is hilarious and sweet. plumie calling her a little petal or something is so funny/cute. and my kasuplumie shipper heart is like “aw plumie took up nicknaming people from kasumi!” like this is character development done right take notes b2 temptri. i think itll be really wholesome if they do end up being the ascendants for this year, seeing them become friends. i would have liked tri but i feel like it also fits as the two of them are the more active of their groups (mira is really passive, and i feel like tri is more distant than aggressive like plumie is). so plumie being super jaded and scornful + peo being really caring with no strings attached and self sacrificing will be really wholesome to see if it comes to pass

-new character: interesting that theyre a rearmed but ok saitama face. people are saying maybe 4/5 next but i feel like it could be 17 (and add less royalty characters- maybe one of the younger siblings, the player character, side characters/enemy only? morion pls im politely asking). i think the best case scenario is theyre the queen from the past, that would be wholesome to have her actually meet kind friends in the alfr. kinda like another character i dont really have anything against her when she was a child- she kidnapped and forced children to work for her just bc they were poor and from a bad home life as an adult, but as a child she was abused by her peers and only treated well by her brother bc he wanted to marry her off to them. like her actually meeting nice people and getting standards would be great but idk if itll happen.

-also just fucking release that dirtbag in the next mythic. just let the memes die. im sick of this guy and ive been sick of him for years. glad hes not much plot relevant.

tldr the good news is i get to save orbs bc i spent them all on not getting shez wooo (sarcasm) (also donny is so pure im so glad hes the free unit!!!! get hype!!!)

[messinheaven]

I Know it’s not my responsibility to like fix him but he’s been with me through my dark times. When I was giving him the worst when I was acting fucked up. And I know I never put his life in danger like he put mine but maybe if he would promise we maybe

I don’t want to give up. I know all the reasonable things I know self care I know I know I know but I feel like people give up to soon on one another. Like for example there’s this girl flirting with a teacher in my school. Wit h a teacher that’s very close to me and my friend (I mean NOT romantically) and when we were discussing this (their flirting, he’s married) my friend said that they are adults and it’s not our thing to admonish them but maybe it’s what they need, like to snap out of it and see that this thing might have some very bad consequences. and I know I’ve been through times where I couldve benefit from a little rebuke and a wake up call and my boyfriend has been with me through this even though he could’ve gave up. And I know how fucked up he behaved but maybe I need to go with him through this. Maybe he needs me now more than ever

but at the same time am I able to commit to this relationship? I know his needs and kind of love he’s expecting and I know I can not, at least for now, give him that, maybe ever

and will he even acknowledge what he did to me?

I don’t know what should I do I just want him to hold me tight and kiss me on my head and tell me that we will go through this together and I will always be his weird girl

[lets-jam]

12, 17 and 18 if you feel like it 😁 wanted to pick more positive ones

choose violence fandom ask game

these are really fun... MORE... also 2077 again cause thats really the only 'fandom' ive been a 'part' of for the past few years

12 - the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

spider murphy!!! wheres the art about this bad bitch! who talks like someone from the movie hackers (1995) and is insane and was besties with the guy that literally broke the internet n like was kinda there for it. i think she wouldve been a great reference point for actual history of the web before it was forcibly ruined and destroyed, and had like actual opinions on that and opinions on how the new net was so corpo controlled that no one was even allowed to netrun like they used to! shes like another alt to me, lots of potential, interesting story or pov on stuff and just kinda a cool lady who was also actually 'friends' with johnny in not a sexual way so maybe we couldve had a woman related to him that didnt involve his only pov of them being about sex also a spider murphy alt interaction wouldve been so cool

17 - there should be more of this type of fic/art

more fic of alt not being some evil ai. more fic actually exploring the cyberpunk vibe of where does the self begin and end, at what point do we become a new person/being, what defines humanity (what we are or how we're treated or how we see ourselves or how others do?) and getting into the weirdness that is how johnny and v exist and at what point in their merge do they become a whole ass new person, play with memory and what that means for the self, existential horror of that variety. more fic exploring their relationship but in the very specific way *I* want to see it. more 'ship' fic that like plays with the fact they are living eachothers lives and are the same person and bleed into eachother but at the same time how they cant connect like regular people. more silverv fic where they actually play with the bittersweet nature of being separated and possible existential crisis happening because of that way of living they had being gone. more silverv fic where it doesnt work out cause ladies lets be honest it would not work out between them if johnny had a body. and more fic actually dealing with the kind of crisis that would come after executing a man on live television for the entertainment and profit of others. more fic where johnny and v butt heads philosophically the list goes on and on. and all of these are like where ive found like at least one that KIND of goes into this but... MORE. and also fic that understands the women from johnnys life have their own internal world and thoughts and life beyond him (and related to this johnnys feelings about being forever stuck in time and left behind by the world and others he knew) also more fic on ai being weird little fractaled aliens in their alien net world beyond the blackwall, maybe even some fun stories of people working in conjunction eith them maybe more stories of them posessing ppl willing or not knowledge about it or not esp since v is for all intents and purposes possessed by an ai themselves even if he doesnt think hes an ai art wise more comics like damn letsjam-art what happened :(

18 - it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

alt. being an actual person as in like her own multifaceted being and all the agnst from what happened to her (running theme apparently) actually dealing with the rammies of the internet infrastructure being completely gone for a time and causing a dark age as a result... like no one really deals with the rammies of what that would mean to just lose all that knowledge indefinitely not to mention lose the infrastructure, not to mention losing a world wide web cause im pretty sure its stated that nets are primarily local. dealing with how people are barred from doing any actual true netrunning since its so policed and controlled, how people arent even making their own programs but loading premade ones to use against others, which is where spider murphy wouldve been great to see the difference in what freelance netrunners could do back when the net was still around and untethered vs now again dealing with the identity crisis and weirdness and just what doesnt kill you makes you stranger vibe of unwillingly merging with another personality to the point you cant even tell where you end and they begin and maybe actually liking it by the end and i hate the game for doing this but it wouldve been so much more fun to have the usa still split apart into independent states that govern themselves vs whatevers left of the nusa vs like the no mans land in the middle of the country vs independent city states like night city. and even tho i didnt like them resetting the status quo in the game the game never really much delved into the fact THERE WAS A WAR ON AMERICAN SOIL RECONQUERING AND ANNEXING STATES BACK INTO THE NUSA like i just did not feel that major like event much int he game outside of like the random homeless veteran or like a single quest and vs too much of a blank slate to have any opinions on it so like whatever i guess but it wouldve been more fun to have an alien 'usa' to deal with in the game also sleeping on johnny actually being confronted with the death and suffering he caused that extended years beyond the nuking of the tower due to like radiation n shit and the resulting like 'red sky' era and like being challenged and possibly even changing his views on things as a result or like exploring what exactly it would take for johnny to change his mind on his whole 'this is for righteous justice that i can arbiter and any casualties are justified and acceptable' mindset

ty for the ask!

[marijkeoo]

my friend tried to kill herself and we crack jokes in the hospital room about the causes and effects and i love her but goddamn was it hard to stay awake i thought i was going to throw up after that spicy marg but i didnt and she kept drinking and now its all gone ive fallen off the horse but im still running beside it and i hope that i can get a second to breathe soon i couldnt recognize myself in the mirror on monday and i got up anyways and went to class i think i might have some kind of weird relationship with food but ive been eating scones with soft butter even though its so expensive and ive been healing i think my sister is still so incredibly stupid but at least i dont have to hear about it all the time and get unreasonably upset about the fact that we dont talk anymore and nothing ever changes but nothing stays the same my friend from back home is ghosting me even though we live a mere 10 minute bus ride away and it hurts i think even though i dont really think about her much my roommate is going back to toronto and might drop out but ive done it too and i think that everything will all work out itll all work out itll all work out itll all work out my parents are coming in two days and i wont tell them i want to sleep and im so aimless but i will say that i love the city and i love living here and im grateful every day for my life even if i wake up at 1pm after getting home at 6 and i miss my classes and its not even that i learn anything i just love a ritual and i was going to go get a job today but i think it has to wait another little bit and i have work to do but i think maybe its ok to eat some tinned fish and let my hair dry i never used to shower in the morning but now i dont always shower at night i want to be like the elif batuman character and go for runs and pretend everything is fine and study linguistics but then discover nothing can explain our little chatty quirks and give it up and study something so much better i.e. philosophy but i skipped the linguistics part and went straightt into this degree that i think i love but also i didnt really have a choice i need to pay for school next semester but i cant figure out how to believe that i can get money somehow i dont think ill ever be famous but maybe people can know me a little bit i have to be on the radio hosting a show soon but i cant force myself to want to actually forcing myself to do anything nowadays is so fucking hard but ive never had a mental illness and i think im too dutch to linger on myself too much i have this thing that i say all the time to my friends and i repeat it to myself it the mirror "you think too much about yourself" and i havent cried in six to eight months properly but i think i might pick it up as a hobby maybe i just need a hobby ive been reading a french translation of a milan kundaris book (rip king) and the woman roughly says "why do men never give what i give in return" and she says this to her partner and he wonders why she thinks this because its really fuckin stupid to him and he says "you know what i think about? war." and i thought that was really funny and i laughed out loud on the metro and the days are getting colder and the burning of limbs doesnt happen quite as bad and the burn is just skin or whatever and i type with these long red nails i stole from the drug store and im relearning how to speak and talk and interact with people even though i think im a linguistic terestrial bipedal animal and i saw a cool show on monday and only got five hours of sleep and i play euchre and sometimes i win and i just cant believe that she tried to kill herself but at least she came and woke me up if she died without letting me know i wouldve been really upset and i really dont tend towards emotion if you couldve heard the 911 call i made you would think that im a robot and my friend said i sounded like one in the hospital room last night i think that i need a little handycam and to get better and out of this rut im always in a rut it seems

also i just remebered that wherever you go you bring yourself with you and this is significant because i never feel at home anywhere i am i always feel alien im always an alien i need to become a professor at small liberal arts universities in rural canada and move every two years because i dont know how someone could stay where they are for longer than that i love this life that i have but i need to restart pretty regularly but im stuck here for at least two years then i move and go to winnipeg or saskatoon or calgary or up north maybe i go to yukon or iqualuit and i do a masters then i go to europe for a doctorate and come back parading around because i finally made my grandma happy and i send postcards and i tell my friends ill see them later because later is indefinite and saying see you in five years sounds gross and sad but later is always sometime sooner it feels and i want to be a ghost i need to be a ghost i want to wander into peoples lives and leave them but sometimes drop back in just to say hello over coffee and hour before i need to be at the airport my isolation feels key to my mission on earth and although i dont talk to God all the time i think i feel him residing in my soul and i know that my soul infuses everything i touch and if i ever get married it needs to be a tall protestant dutch man whos nice to me and likes to be around me and i dont know if ill ever find a man like that but desires not a crime my life is spinning out i need to smoke a dart but i dont want to spend money on cigs i have a matchbook i stole from a bar and i think we should bring back lighting belmonts with matches its so rare we get to hold fire in our hands the smoke pit is a gift if your a bullshitter like me i heard that run clubs are the new dating apps but i think that running with people usually sucks and having anyone i could potentially be interested in see me like that would give them the ick and i think its good to be alone, at least until summer when i can go sit on a patio and drink a light beer my friend showed me coffee tonics and i think i could die happy if i had one in my hand all the time and i have a pink moka pot and life always works out for me because every day on this earth is another day that i get to drink my coffee and eat tuna and see little dogs and sit in the library and sunbathe in the park and listen to amy winehouse and exist in a moment

[ilovehimsosomuchjk]

If we were in another college i could atleast blame our situation. Atleast i could reason it was the distance why we grew apart. Yet now when i see uour face i feel.. if i never tried, you wouldn’t either. Maybe i should just shut up. Maybe i should talk tobyou. But everytime i do i feel as if im the only one who has a problem with you maybe you dont have a problem with me and im creating these out of thin air. You never tell me what you dont like about me. You dont tell me what goes on in your life even if i ask a thousand times. Never before but now i have to beg you to talk about yourself. Say smh.

The moment we sat down you had this expression on your face. Thr one so disturbef because i had to pay. I can feel how distant we have grown and i feel you slipping from my arms. I could only sit and cry for what i have done. I can only reap for what i have sown. Never being your best friend again… rven the thought makes my skin crawl. But i feel you slipping from my arms, maybe its all my fault for what I’ve done.

You will have new friends and i think you will hate me. Even if i beg you to please love me.

I realise it over and over again everytime i replay that scene. Where i acted immature and you left me on seen. I wish so desperately to go back in time, never before have i ever felt you weren’t mine.

Even now with tears streaming down my cheeks

I can only mourn what couldve been.

[azamonvoid]

Random ass (quick?) vent cuz good days always need to be ruined ig 😍 /sar

Ofc my shit dad wants to get idfk what papers abt my school to get smth abt my relationship w my mom just cuz he likes to victimise himself and really doesnt wanna pay child support 💀

"Why my kids dont wanna spend time w me😢??" Idk maybe cuz you barely were there for most of our fucking lives and when got older the fee times YOU actually WANTED to spend time w us you kept treating us as fucking toddlers when we were already teens????

Also cant fucking remember our actual bdays like HOW TF DO YOU FORGET/MIX UP THE BDAYS OF YOUR 2 KIDS!??!

Just the mere fucking mention of your existence ruins my day.

The fact that you look like a good guy to others makes me rage cuz ik there will be ppl who know you that could go "he wouldn't do that!" or shit like that. YOU DIDNT EXPERIENCE IT SO DONT FUCKING GO SAYING SHIT LIKE THAT.

Hoping that when I become a legal adult to go to another fucking country if I need to so I never have to see your face again.

Anytime I see anyone w similar physical traits like yours I tense up and have to triple check that its not you.

Fuck you and your victimisation.

One day I'll be able to say everything I feel abt you to your face, not even that, cuz Ik youre gonna keep victimising yourself and cry and its fucking uncomfortable when you do that when I should be the one crying cuz I couldve had a good father in my life, not an absent one that puts himself & friends over his kids & family.

I hope you loose all the money you kept hiding while saying "you didnt have enough to live" when we fucking know that rent, (electric/water/etc) bills and whatever other stuff to pay are a lot cheaper when its just 1 person than when its 4 and only one income.

Cant even think of getting a part time job without my mom worrying that you might find abt it and using that as an excuse to not pay child support. Almost ruined one of the most important trips in my school life cuz I needed you to sign a paper that then took you almost a full week to bring back (i was going to fucking UK, A WHOLE ASS DIFFERENT COUNTRY).

You've ruined my life not from not being here, but from trying to act as if nothing happened.

You wouldn't even know abt me being trans and changing my name if it wasnt cuz once again, needed your fucking signature.

The only thing I want you to see of me know is when I succeed in what I like in the future, without you. Reminding you everytime of what a awful father you've been.