#just. like my heart feels sick
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dance of dreams
#THEYRE SPINNIIIING THEYRE TWIIIIIRLING JUST LIKE IM TWIRLIIIING MY HAAAAAIR blink blink blink blink. hi :3#im not taking back the :3 its how i feel dammit. its REAL RAW EMOTION u gotta accept it. en ee wayz#so 7.3 eng drop huh. yea so um. i . so u remember how the initial drop made me go insano mode and i drew 5 pieces in 4 days?#so it wasnt done. the second drop gave me one more to draw. its the THEM chapters its mals rage when hes like 'YOURE AWAKE??'#the TENSION!!! the DRAMA!!!! oh i am SICK my heart SKIPS!!! the two guys with dream powers fighting ougughh made just for me#made in a LAB for miss cartoons!!!!!! made in a lab for ME!!!!! silver's eye is a lil bit open if u look close. mal will find out soon#IM SICK SICK SICK SICK AND TWISTED MY BRAIN IS RATTLING LIKE A JUNKER CAR U BOUGHT AT 16 FOR 400 BUCKS#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#malleus draconia#the overblot fit still sucks to draw but goddammit ill do what i must. also yippee i dont hafta tag spoilers for once FGHJD#suntails
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currently thinking about how fiddleford's family had to watch helplessly as he moved to a different town and slowly descended into madness while being unable to stop it because they didn't know how & how stan threw away the chances of having a family or forming a meaningful connection to anyone until the twins just to save a brother who didn't want to be saved & how Ford basically killed two people without ever realising or thinking about it until he matured emotionally...
i am unwell.
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#not ford bashing btw#i love our lil autistic scientist#it just makes me sad#and feel physically sick#i wish i could rip out my heart to avoid feeling like this
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he is so cute....... bite him, reader. (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) also, i hope everyone can appreciate the motivational picture that i've put on the wip so i'm reminded of him always. <3
#meraki mumbles#reader: no one loves me 😔#skully (wearing his 'i love (name)' shirt): I DO!! ME!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! LET ME LOVE YOU PLEASE#i'm so ill about him!!!!!!#his feelings for you are so soft and tender and sweet and he loves you with his whole heart AAAAAAAAAAA#and he listens to everything you say and remembers all of these small details you think are insignificant#but to him they mean everything!!!#skully's courtship is something like spider courtship in my heart... you are his spider queen he would do anything for you#i just know rollo and fellow are sick of these two and their romantic tensions T_T#skully loving the very unlovable you in spite of everything....... i am sick. this is so twisted. he is so sincere WAAAAAAA#and then there's skully's thought process of 'no one understands me' but because no one has been willing to try#and there's reader!!! matching his freak!!! enjoying his morbid quirks all of his silliness... genuinely interested in what he has to say#they are meant to be!!! it's fate OTL
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@housemdanniversary doodle dogpile days 1 and 4 ! Games and sick.
#i feel like wilson would take care of a sick house and be real pissy about it bless his heart#house md#gregory house#james wilson#my art :D#fanart#art#digital art#house md 20th anniversary#house md 20th anniversary Doodle Drabble Dogpile#i will just keep drawing chibis for these . when in doubt draw a chibi.
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Wyll breaking up with the player character if Ulder dies so Wyll must become the Duke makes me wanna throw up sobbing because he actually thinks that just because his father's first duty being to Baldur's Gate made him a Bad Father that Wyll himself will inevitably be a Bad Lover because surely no one could match love with duty if his father couldn't, unknowing he has more love in one hand than his father had in his entire body. fuck
#More in my reblog#“my father taught me more lessons than I can count” yeah dog they were called CAUTIONARY TALES 😭😭😭#“pull me too close and I'm destined to hurt you” FUCKIGN. BITING YOU#“a champion's heart is as sharp as a new blade” SO CRAZY I GOT THIS SICK ASS ARMOUR. TRY ME.#I'm actually in physical pain over this. Wyll my love.#I need to rip ulder in two with my bare hands right now.#sorry I JUST saw the breakup scene for the first time today and I haven't stopped thinking about it it's making me ill with sadness#he didn't even break up with ME but it fucking feels like it goddamn#bg3#Wyll Ravengard#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 analysis#oh my GOD and the fact that he offers one last dance. I'mgoing to ufckingexplode#and he spends five whole seconds just. holding the character. not even dancing.#I watched the version with him and astarion ofc I don't romance wyll myself (lesbianism)#makes me wanna write a fucking fic (derogatory)#why the fuck is everyone so ill over astarion when mr insane mental health issues is RIGHT here (i know why. but still)
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HOW DO I WAIT SIX MORE DAYS FOR THE APOCALYPSE
six??? days???
#interview with the vampire#UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH#i can't even look at claudia and louis and madeleine my heart i just#k even in armand's retelling in the dressing room lestat looks sick abt this#my guy i know this was not your idea and you and louis are going to be under suicide watch for the rest of the 20th century but#...uh actually i have no follow-up to that#and i know the recollection for daniel will play out differently which is just a whole other level of sicko lol#iwtv book spoilers#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#idk i feel like there's a reason they're doing this in the middle of the day yknow
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[cough-cough..] I'm sick... Hold this woman...
#sock.clip#miscellaneous multiverse murder mystery#ashley fleet#this as you might have guessed was drawn before sock decided to redesign her and the rest of the crew and like i know she'll probably make-#-separate characters for that story but ashley is just so cool i love her i wish women were real so bad#i should probably take a crack at the others too- my inability to make andre Not look like shit whenever i try to doodle him breaks my heart#i am so fucking. sick man. i need someone to inject Feel Nothing juice into my system i hate being ill#god i hope i haven't posted this before aghagaha <- on the verge
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okay so fuck outer banks
#i remember when i was a diehard fan of this show and even made obxhub#made gifsets every single day because my favorites were sarah and jj like these blonde dumbasses with the biggest hearts#and yet this is what it all comes down to????????#i binge watched both parts as soon as they came out and i'm just over it#fuck that show fuck the writers fuck everybody#outer banks#and okay even if it was about rudy wanting to leave which is what they're playing it out to be like they still could have done it better#like be so fucking for real everybody and their mothers can tell madelyn wants out and yet she's still there playing sarah#im just sick and tired yall what happened to the feel good summer show with sitcom vibes???????????????#anyway my boy has always deserved better and if you disagree argue with the fucking casket im done#outer banks spoilers#jj maybank
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Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
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my mom's dog got prescribed a nsaid recently and she's had a really bad stomach reaction to it over the past 24 hours and i'm super worried she's gonna die 😢😢😢 i'm so upsetttttttt. i hate this! i hate it a lot!
#i just had to say that somewhere#ughhhhhhhh i'm so worried i feel sick#also have some work stress going on and the combination is making me feel like i'm gonna have a heart attack any ol' sec here!#THAT DOG IS MY SISTER I NEED HER TO BE OKAY!!!!#dollsome's deep thoughts#why is life. so scary and exhausting.#even on a normal tuesday
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i hate it when anxiety gives me stomach problems like wth you’re a mental disorder stay in your line pls
#im sick n tired of feeling like i have to POOP while my hearts racing#coquette#female manipulator#girl interrupted#hell is a teenage girl#im just a girl#this is a girlblog#this is what makes us girls#girlblog#lana del ray aesthetic#lana del ray aka lizzy grant
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canto7 rambling again .
something about the "just let me be your fan" interlude right at the instance of dadqui's direct attack fucks me UP man. the whole track already feels like a bitter reminiscense, but then that specific portion of it. for just a moment that unbridled energy just comes spilling out, unfiltered. just blurting out the heart of it all. contrasted against quixote's seemingly resolute act of shattering them completely. already their banter feels like begging for things to be any other way then what they are, what they must be-- but that one. That Bit Right There. thats the concentrated pin of it all.
#piktalk#projmoon#quixote feels like hes really leaning into the front as her 'antagonist'; consciously. a test.#like he Wants to be proven wrong; even if he couldnt be the one to see that dream come true; even if he cant contest Himself.#im trying to find any other way to describe it but it all just comes back to#love. theyre so full of love. the entire encounter is so full of love; its always been love; its always been there; never once gone away.#every counter from him felt like an 'are you sure?' 'are you certain?' 'do you promise?' im going to be sick im going to be sick#as an 'i thought i knew better; but i didnt. i couldnt.' a 'the same will happen to you.' . a 'but i dont want it to.'#im going to be fuckign ILL#thinks about 'even if im just running in circles; i dont want it to end.' thinks about 'you always were my most rebellious child'#thinks about 'those days my heart beat more vibrantly' thinks about 'i will grant you the will to live' IM GOING TO BE S
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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"Im not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are" There is a part of me that resents you for making me a worse person than i want to be but i am inexplicably uncontrollably drawn to you. You make me a worse person which is the last thing i want yet i want you in every way. If i could leave i would. Maybe i can but i dont want to. I have fun with you. You challenge me and you captivate me and you push me and pull and run circles around me and it makes me feel like a younger man. For the price of being a worse person i get to feel truly, wholly alive. You are the blood that runs through my veins; vital, inseparable. I was reborn when i met you and you are the womb that haunts me. You are the one person on planet earth who knows me. I wish i could leave, move on and be the man im supposed to be but my heart is tied to yours in a gordian knot. There is a part of my soul that rests in yours, magnetic. For as long as i love you i cannot be better than i am. But maybe thats something i can learn to live with. Gregory House-- I think you're worth it.
#house md#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#johan being crazy about yaoi md#johan's mindpalace#Im crazy#like im tearing up#this scene is so romantic it genuinely makes me nauseous#the lowlight setting the lingering stares the soft little smile a dam thats finally broken#I need a 12 gauge bullet in the thigh#Please watch this scene screencaps do not do it near enough justice#do you know whats so genuinely actually sickening#its been months since i finished house md#and i have not watched a single show that has managed to fill even a quarter of the gaping bleeding hilson shaped hole in my heart#shows that have actual gay people actual representation and not a single one has managed to alter my brain chemistry the way hilson has#since day 1 episode 1#Like its actually nauseating a little its so over for me for the rest of my life#Like im actually never recovering#people say “they dont make xyz like they used to haha” But Guys they Genuinely dont#Im going through withdrawls#I need my yaoi cocaine so bad but my plug died 12 years ago and i cant fucking Move#House md capital of fatphobia homophobia transphobia early 2000s edgy humour outshining modern shows with actual rep like im sick#Its not even because i want to like i feel like there are worms in my brain. I feel like ratatoullie if the rat was evil#This is not what the stonewall riots were for#I feel like so nausous why couldnt i be crazy about an actual gay pairing like a normal gay person. Im gonna throwup#Why couldnt i like music and girls#Its not even that house md is objectively logically better than these shows like no. Im just crazy#Im so sick they make me so sick i feel like there are worms in my head. My head#Dont know when i will ever be onorlmal again. Sorr
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Selfshippers with "selfshippers DNI" in their bio make me laugh, but its like... an awkward laugh.
"How dare you love the same character i do. How dare you wish that the guy I SHIP WITH would love and support you 😤😤😤 HOW DARE YOU GET FANART WITH MY F/O!! HES MINE YOU CANT HAVE HIM!!"
Babe... go touch some grass and drink some water. Maybe you'll feel better. 😬
#mandie vents#i sigh.#the internal cringe I feel when a fellow self-shipper tries to rip me a new asshole for shipping with Law#you Law bitches are fucking CRAZY#like i would love to not feel uncomfortable on my own blog thanks.#just block me ? there doesnt need to be an interaction - you can just block me and not see my blog anymore ??#this is why its so hard to make friends in the self-shipper community. yall get all up in arms over your fictional other and act like#you fuckin own them or something.#actually makes my heart break and makes me sick to my stomach. why cant we just be friends...?
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