#just… struggle to read and write in ways that are understood by other people. like scholarly ways 💀 LOL. i don’t understand my readings but

[pepprs]

and ithink that makes me. A bad person and/or bad at my job btw. like how can i so loudly refuse to learn and complain about learning and yet be an ambassador for / cocreator of a thriving denoceacynwhen learning is at the core of it. and when i literaly work in education and am a teacher or some shit. idk.

[halfricanloveyou]

here’s the thing about being nonbinary for me personally: it is not and has never been about breaking boundaries or daring to be different or freedom of gender expression that made me suddenly choose to be nonbinary.

i have always been this way. i’ve always known but never fully understood why i felt so uncomfortable being a woman. it had nothing to do with leaning more towards femininity or masculinity or gender roles or hating women.

i have always felt that i have never been a woman. it never felt right to me being defined as one. though i share a lot of experiences with women due to society seeing me as a woman and people in society treating me that way, disliking femininity wasn’t what made me think i was nonbinary.

what made me really fully realize and understand was when i realized that when it came to me personally, i didn’t care about femininity OR masculinity. i didn’t really think in those kinds of terms when it came to myself either. the idea of gender isn’t one i felt applied to me, as a person.

i didn’t care about being a woman. i didn’t care about what things were labeled as “feminine” or what i was supposed to be like as a woman. i didn’t WANT to be a woman. i didn’t feel like a woman.

at the same time, i didn’t want to be masculine. i didn’t want to be seen as a man. though i feel i have more in common with men, i still never felt that i was a man.

it was always really difficult and alienating for me, not understanding why i felt so much dysphoria at being seen as a woman OR as a man. why being called either just never felt fully right to me. why trying to be either felt like a chore or a costume i had to put on, and when i was called or mistaken as either i felt like i wanted to scream and cry. why i never understood why i wasn’t good enough as either gender, not feminine enough or masculine enough, not fitting into either category.

i tried to force myself to be a woman. i tried really hard to be more feminine, really hard to force myself to see myself as a woman. i tried really hard to be like the many women i know and have known. and i tried the same on the opposite end. i tried to force myself to be more masculine. i tried to dress differently and posture differently. and it still felt deeply wrong to me.

i’d always appealed more to animals specifically because they didn’t have to worry or care about whether they were seen as boys or girls and they could be loved just as dearly even when their owners had no idea or what gender they were. how being a girl or a boy had very little impact on who they were because it didn’t really matter to them, and how people were always excited to see a dog or cat and what gender they thought the animal was didn’t change how they approached that animal because in reality, whether the animal was a boy or a girl came secondary to the fact that it WAS a pet, a dog or a cat, and in reality nobody really cared about what gender the animal was. and the animal itself also didn’t care or have any sense of it’s own gender outside of hormones and reproduction.

with the several farm cats i owned gender meant nothing when it came to their group dynamics: the cats that were “in charge” or the more combative cats that would chase off and fight cats outside of their colony or the ones who would hunt and bring food to share with each other, who were protective of the other cats in the colony and would attack any troublemakers that intentionally tried to pick a fight; or the ones who preferred to lay back and were more affectionate, who would all lay together and who would simply sit and stare when a cat they were unfamiliar with tried to enter their territory; or the cats that were the ones who seemed to be targeted and picked on by the other cats, who pushed the boundaries of the cats around them, who would randomly pick fights just to lose consistently, who would growl at the other cats and get into spats only to run away or be chastised; gender had nothing to do with which cats tended to fall into which role.

the cats i had that tended to be skittish or aggressive or active or affectionate…gender had no bearing on any of that. i always felt so jealous of that. i wanted to be a cat (especially in childhood lol) because i wanted to live in a world that had a dynamic like that. a world where gender didn’t matter, where no one really had any concept of gender and it really didn’t matter. no cat cared about whether the other was male or female and it didn’t change how they interacted. (unless it was something like intact male vs neutered male or female cat in heat and male cat)

when i finally heard the term non binary, that it was something that even existed, i knew instantly that it sounded like me. i was scared at first, went through a lot of self doubt and questioning myself, calling myself stupid for considering it. but then i started to understand what it really meant.

a gender identity that is neither male or female. a gender identity where the concept of gender simply didn’t apply. an identity where you didn’t have to pick one or the other or lean into one or the other. and once i finally let myself accept that identity i finally felt right. i didn’t have to pretend to care or go out of my way to be feminine or masculine. i didn’t have to care about being a lady or a woman or lean into being a man or wanting to present as masculine or any of that. i didn’t have to be what i was “supposed to be.” i didn’t have to be a tomboy or a girl that was proud to have masculine interests and still be as much of a woman as a feminine girly type of woman. i didn’t have to be a man at my core, being proud to have feminine interests while defining myself as just as much of a man as a more masculine man.

none of those felt right or felt like me or who i was. knowing that i didn’t have to force myself to be any gender or present/lean into any feminine or masculine ideal was freeing to me. that i could like any of the things i wanted without really thinking about whether they were feminine or masculine was so relieving. i could decide it didn’t matter to me. i could be someone who was neither or someone who none of those ideas applied to.

though i still suffer from low self esteem issues and mental health issues, i finally don’t hate myself for not being able to choose one identity or the other. i finally understand why i am the way that i am and why i felt so wrong and inadequate and unable to be the woman or man i was supposed to want to be.

in understanding that i didn’t have to be either if i didn’t want to, i was finally able to accept the person i’ve always been. and i’m finally able to accept that that person exists, even if people don’t understand or are disgusted by them or make fun of them. even though it’s supposed to be one or the other. i don’t have to choose. i don’t have to pick the option my body is biologically defined as.

[liyawritesss]

𝐛𝐚𝐭-𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐰/ 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐦!𝐬/𝐨

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Duke Thomas

Type: Headcanons

Synopsis: You digest books just as frequently as you eat, so what would life be like for the men of the infamous Wayne family with a lover who can never be found without a book?

Warnings: some cursing maybe? Very brief and vague allusions to canon accurate violence

A/N: whoohoo, my first introduction into DC! My family has always liked Batman so I guess it's natural that him and his family lore are what drew me into DC in the first place lol. This is my first time writing for the Batfamily, specifically the guys so please go easy on me 🧍🙏🏽

Tags: @honeypotsworld @honeybleed @insomniac-jay @punkeropercyjackson @badass-dora-milaje

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Bruce Wayne

He’d be very intrigued by the amount of intellect you have from the amount of books you read. Not a lot gets him interested in people, but being able to engage in a conversation about classic novels or even plays and/or essays piques his curiosity.

When he comes back from a day of being Bruce Wayne or a night of being Batman, nothing warms his heart more than seeing you tucked away in a nook in the parlor or the windowsill of your shared room, all cozy with a hardcover and warm loungewear on and a cup of tea.

On the occasion when he's not busy (which is fairly rare, a once every three months kind of ordeal) he'll ask you to read something from one of his favorite books. The parlor would be closed off for the evening so it's just him and you, with the occasional appearance from Alfred to provide food and drinks. It's his idea of a date in a sense - and nothing beats a good five course meal by the fire place with a good book and greater company.

Dick Grayson

He thinks your little obsession with books and reading is cute! A smart and intelligent young woman with excellent taste in literature? Oh, his heart is already swooning. 

He's the type that you can't bring into the bookstore with you, because he can and will buy anything you look at, even if it's just a display book not for sale, he'll bargain his way to getting it. Literally anything for his little bookworm. He'll literally sit and listen to you rave on about the latest romance novel or have critical conversations from whatever philosophy journal or article you've just read. Even if he has no clue what youre talking about, he'll engage with you the best he can to let you know he's paying attention and interested in your hobby.

You definitely helped him in that one semester of college he was in, and you literally saved him by the skin of his ankles because he was failing miserably beforehand. After you read the material from his classes that he was struggling with, you were able to regurgitate the information back to him in a way he understood it. You're truly a lifesaver to him, you and all your smartness. Shit, you.might convince him to pick up a book or two every now and then!

Similar to Bruce, he'd like for you to read to him. While it's also a winding down together ordeal for him, he just likes your voice too much to not hear it every second of every day.

Jason Todd

Oh boy. Oh. Boy. I feel like the second you tell Jason you're an avid reader, or he finds you reading at some point, his interest in you skyrockets. He's so deep into literature and has yet to find someone on that level as him, so when you appear it's like he can be his geeky literature self to his hearts desires.

Reading dates, library dates, coffee shop dates just to read in the ambiance, they are DEFINITELY a thing with Jason. He may lean more towards the secluded ones though, where you both can be cuddled up together and just enjoying the others presence while reading. I can vividly picture the both of you on a bed by the window, your legs thrown over his and your head on his shoulder while his hand is caressing your calf or thigh, thumb swiping over the skin there every now and then. It's literally the most perfect thing for him.

I headcanon that one of his favorite contemporary novels is “Chronicle of a Death Foretold” by Garbiel Garcia Marquez, and I feel like it's one of the first books he introduces to you. He's honestly kind of nervous when he does and really hopes you like it as much as he did the first time he read it. And when you're done with it, the both of you talk for hours about the magical realism of the book, its journalistic writing style, the characters, the themes, the philosophy, oh he's so enamored with it AND enamored with you.

A cute tradition you both start is reading the same books or book series together, and he does get pouty and upset when you read faster than him or read without him. He'll scrunch his nose and pout so hard, “we're so suppose to be doing it together, why're you ahead of me already?!” But he never stays upset at you for long. He'll be right back n3xt to you on the couch for your evening reading session (when he's available of course) after a kiss or two and a promise not to do it again. And you better not!

Tim Drake

Like his older brothers, he finds your affinity to books and reading rather adorable. He likes the idea of having someone he can stay up for hours with just doing your own individual things. I feel.like a Tim loves parallel play, so you being up reading with him while he's doing God knows what on his computer set up, it brings him a bit of solace. 

Though, yes, you do have timers set and a specific time limit to make sure that both of you are getting something to eat, even if it's just a granola bar, and to get some decent sleep. Yes, you're the main one enforcing this (though Tim has his moments too where he take initiative, especially if he notices a book's got you emotional). It works pretty well, better than what you both originally thought it would, but maybe it's because wherever you go, Tim will follow you like a lost puppy with his big adorable eyes.

Tim, much like him, would definitely put in a lot of research to any books you're interested in so he can have meaningful conversations about them with you. He'll be up till late hours reading things like summary pages, analyses, author's notes, and he finds himself getting wrapped up in the books he's researching, too. And yes, he'll read them digitally on some sort of reading tablet or iPad while you've got your physical copy. You know he's always gotta have some kind of tech in his hands!

Ironically enough I think Tim would be more into poetry books than regular novels and such? He likes cryptic things and is more than happy to put in the extra thinking on a piece of poetry. That being said, he'd definitely read you poems from said poetry book, and would like to talk about their meanings with you too!

Duke Thomas

I feel like Duke would love someone who's deep into reading too, because much like Bruce, it's a quality in a person that he finds interesting and attractive. He may tease you about it sometimes but he genuinely thinks it's pretty cool how many books you can read in a month. 

You actually slowly turn him into an avid reader as well. At first it would just be books for class that you'd need to read for the semester. Then he'd start a collection of said books from said class at home just to have around, because ironically they were some that you really enjoyed yourself. Then, the collection would start to grow, and Duke would tell himself it's just so that you've got a good selection to read from whenever you visit. He knew he couldn't deny it anymore when Bruce had commented on his sudden interest in literature after one day coming across him with a book in had an the parlor. Yes, his brother teased him for his sudden interest in reading due to a special lover of his, and he wasn't able to live it down for weeks after it became common knowledge of how much of a reader he was turning into.

Like Jason, I definitely see coffee dates and bookstore runs as part of your dating routine. He treats them very important to; buys a bouquet of flowers before the two of you stop by a local coffee shop before heading to the bookstore to browse. And if it's a nice day, you guys will find a park to read at!

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

[hotnbloodied]

Hiiii can I request popular yandere classmate x oblivious reader, oh and can it be smut pleassee?

Thanks for your ask! I started randomly naming all my yanderes even if they are all one shots, I don't know if I want to keep it though. We'll see. This one almost fucking tore me to shreds, I might need a break after this. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

-˚ʚ♡ɞ˚HB˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Yan!Popular Boy X Oblivious Reader (!!SMUT!!)

!Warning! This post contains yandere themes and topics that may be uncomfortable to people who are sensitive to the topic, read at your own discretion.

CW: not proof read, yous/yours used, gn reader, there is SEX, sloppy lewd writing, yandere tendencies, reader is kind of silly here. (LMK if I'm missing anything.)

!!READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!! MINORS DNI!!

It was the first group project of the year! You and three other people were going to be randomly assigned together to work on a research project about something or another. The first two seemed like nice people but the third was Atticus, your friends have talked about him before. Wasn’t he popular or something? When the group met face to face you finally understood why, he was funny, charismatic and quite the looker. Your group decided to meet up in the library and you thanked your lucky stars that it seemed everyone was working well with each other. The other two in the group knew each other and were friends so when one of them had to leave later on in the day the other one did so as well leaving you and Atticus the only ones in the group still in the library.

Without the other two here, people were more inclined to come by to say hi to Atticus causing him to get distracted, you didn’t care much honestly, you had work to do after all. You overheard a couple of the people who came to talk to Atticus talk about some sort of group karaoke and that he should join them. “Sorry guys, I’m still with my group partner,” he apologized. You looked up, “it’s all good, this is just the first day after all.” Atticus looked at you incredulously. “See? Even your groupmate thinks it’s fine. Join us, Atticus, the girls are asking for you.” Internally he was annoyed, he already said no and the least his groupmate could do was back him up. Were you really that stupid? Eventually though, he was able to convince them to leave him alone. But when he turned expecting to see you still sitting there you were gone. Your stuff was still here so he assumed you went to get more material to research.

Scanning over the library he spots you eventually, struggling to reach for a book on a higher shelf. He sighs and starts walking over to assist but it turns into a run when he notices that you’re about to get toppled by said books. He covers you from getting hurt and curses at himself because having books fall on him fucking hurts. “What are you doing?” He says sternly, “if you can’t reach something ask for help.” He gasps, some of his true self leaked out, his image of a prince type is over. “Dang I’m sorry, you’re right. No sense in getting myself hurt, thanks! By the way, are you okay?” Suddenly, his heart raced, he didn’t know why. It might have been the way you looked under him currently, or it might have been the way you accept his rough tone with you, but either way he was going to explore it, explore you.

The project goes by smoothly, you still hang out with Atticus since the two of you exchanged numbers due to the project. You found it really weird though, each time you hung out with him and his friends, his friends were never able to make it. You hope you’re not scaring them away. Little did you know that if anyone is scaring people away it’s Atticus. The more time he spent with you was like heaven but also hell. He loved spending time and learning new things about you but, fuck, why were you not picking up any of the hints and flirty signs he was giving you?! Like today when it was just the two of you again, you two were at the movies and he tried to get an arm over your shoulder. “Oh my! Are you cold? Here, you can have my jacket.” And wrapped him up in your jacket! Sure, being able to smell your scent was nice but that’s not what he wanted! To rub salt on the wound too, after the movies his friends spotted him and invited you two to join them and you ACCEPTED! “Oh sorry, were you guys on a date?” One of his friends asked. “Oh no, we’re just chilling! We’d love to join you!” You responded. He almost choked up blood.

He went to his last resort and feigned sickness. Worry etched your face and you apologized as you helped carry him away. He convinced you to go to his place since it was nearby and was a bit hurt that you agreed so readily, you were going to be in a private space with him after all. Arriving at his place you helped him inside, all the way to his room. As you wished him better and got up to leave he tugged your arm. “Wait a minute,” he says. “Hm? What’s up, need something?” He hugs you, “I… I need you.” Not sure what he meant, but feeling like he needed this, you hugged him and both of you stayed like that for a while. That was, until his lower half decided to act up. “Do you, uh, need help with that?” You ask, almost too innocently. His face flushed, “help with this…?” “Of course, a boner is a natural part of your body, you know. Though I also heard that boners don’t happen just because someone is horny though…are you horny?” Atticus felt the blood rush to his head, all he could do was meekly nod.

You were sucking on his member, he could tell that you’ve done something like this before but maybe not too often due to the slight hesitation you exhibited. Regardless though he never imagined you would have been so willing to do this for him, should he have asked sooner? The sight of your mouth wrapped so prettily around his cock, he wasn’t the type that was quick to cum but just because it was you doing this act on him he felt close. He couldn’t have that, so he grabbed your shoulder and urged you on to his bed. “Take off your clothes,” he instructs. You did as he told, he gulped, he wanted this for how long now? It felt surreal that this was real. He couldn’t help but use his hands to explore your body, groping, touching, feeling your warmth. Your breathing quickened, you weren’t sure why he was taking so long, his exploration of your body started making you feel needy. You were close to telling him to hurry but let out a yelp when he started to suck and lick on your chest. He worked his way down to your lower area.

“What are you doing? Is all this necessary?” You ask him. “Please,” he begged, “I just need this, won’t you let me?” You whimpered, this is good and all but all this teasing is something you aren’t used to. He sucked and tongue prodded you for a while, you said that you would let him do what he wanted but you wanted to release soon and his tongue wasn’t doing that for you. “Hey, uh– hnn!!” Before you could say anything more he inserted a finger then two into you, rhythmically finger fucking you. Making sure to brush against your g spot each time. You were so close and Atticus knew it, so he stopped making you whine even louder. “Why did you stop?” “Grind on my dick,” he ordered. Sluggishly you got up and did as he was told. “Don’t even try to insert before I allow you to.” So you rubbed your sensitive area against him, slow at first but even you can grow impatient and you’ve been that for a while. Your wetness making a mess and with your bodies grinding against each other a squelching sound reverberated through the room along with the heavy panting and moaning. “Soon please?” You begged. Atticus needed you badly as well so he pushed you down on the bed again and aligned himself before pushing in causing you to scream out from the intrusion. He jackhammered you silly, “fuck, fuck, fuck, please. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” he chanted like a mantra, “I need you so bad.” What followed was one of the hardest orgasms you ever had. He unsheathed from you and quickly went to your face marking your face all over with his seed.

After a couple of beats you asked, “hey, uh, can I have some napkins?” “S-sorry,” he scrambled to his drawer and took out a box of tissues. After you cleaned yourself up you asked, “I’d like to borrow your bathroom.” He told you that it was down the hall. You took your clothes and left his room, when you came back you thanked him. “Well that was fun! I’m going to head home now. I’ll see you later alright?” And left. He was shocked, how fucking clueless can you be?? He was going to make sure you understood that you were his now and he was going to move heaven and hell to make sure that happens, his darling.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

on tumblr lot more people know about it which great! that improve life of all AAC users. but pretty much with anything disability/developmental disability space on social media (which need certain amount of cognitive/intellectual & language abilities be on even if have support), good majority you see be teen & adult people who already literate learn language via speech n write *first* n then *independently* learn AAC base on it *later*.

especially symbol based AAC, but all AAC, is new system n hard n take long time learn even when you literate & not moderately severely cognitively disabled. but also, “literate teen/adult independent learn AAC” not at all full face of AAC user community.

as in like. experience of theirs. not universal. independently motivated & able to look up different AAC options different AAC apps, compare n contrast. download app n immediately know how to use, or able figure out by self. first time use app n may be clunky n slow, but make sentence on first try. need learn AAC, but most of that learning is for where words are (if button based), how exist as AAC user in public with confidence, etc. those all valid but not true for everyone who need AAC, especially not developmentally disabled children (& some adults) with complex communication needs.

most developmentally disabled children (n some adults) w complex communication needs who need AAC, can’t just hand them tablet with symbol based AAC app or text to speech AAC app n then wait for magic. many of them developmentally delayed in way, not taught in way that fit them (e.g. gestalt language processors), n their language abilities behind peers, so they can’t read, can’t spell, can’t grammar, etc.

some of them need learn where word is not by read word, sometimes not even by understand symbol, instead is by other people press button n hear sound n associate that with meaning n location on AAC n symbol associate with it. in other words, they learning language alongside AAC.

for some their learn process look like, learn how use AAC say one word. n then much later, try make two word message, “want food” “go school.” “two word message” incredibly common goal for many these developmentally disabled children, teens, n even adults, that is something rare n truly extraordinary for that person that need be celebrated.

for others it look like learn by phrase (gestalt), then slowly break it down into smaller phrase n chunks n finally single words.

many of them babble (click random/seemingly random buttons on high tech device, stim with it, etc). but ultimately, won’t be able learn all by self. need be taught, see you accidentally spill water n crying, maybe you “feel” “sad”, n when that happen you “need” “help” from adult. need learn AAC by adults around them constantly model with it, constantly use it in conversation, show them how use. because they learning language along side it.

but also some of them don’t know what this thing in front of them (AAC… device, low tech boards or picture cards, etc) is. don’t know what communication is or you should do that. don’t know people exist who you should communicate to & with. heard many parents n SLP say they try model all time, try all kind of stuff, but child just not seem interested in it, don’t look at it, don’t touch it, don’t use it.

people who use AAC, not all them struggle with only speech. some them struggle with language, with intellectual/cognitive. some of them very developmentally delayed.

n some people, too disabled learn or use AAC. yeah, they exist.

for people who cannot use / cannot only use speech to be understood, AAC can be life changing. but is so much more complex thing. AAC still not as widely used n accepted n properly taught n supported as should, some parents n professionals n schools still many pushback n refuse. but sometimes answer to “have you tried AAC for them” is “yes, but they need long time n lots help to learn n we not very far yet even though spent long time on it” or “yes, but they simply not show interest even after constant model” or “god, wish can, but insurance only cover if show some amount of communication competence n ability use AAC, while only give 1 month trial, which simply not enough time” (wide spread thing that happen) or “yes. many types. it not work.”

for many AAC users & AAC user-to-be, it not as simple as “be handed AAC n check back in while they figure out by self”

[astrow0rldx]

PAC TAROT: Shadow Work

Piles read left to right. Really use your intuition for which one calls to you to read. This Reading will be a little different, because it's ai generated. But hear me out, it's extremely accurate. I pull the tarot cards, and questions and it makes a story using automatic creative writing skills. In the story format it should help understand better.

Pile One

You present yourself as someone grounded and nurturing, someone who has it all together—capable, reliable, and a provider of stability. You wear this mask of self-sufficiency with grace, offering support and care to those around you. There’s a warmth to how you handle life, as if you’re always the one others can lean on. Yet, beneath this persona, there’s a quiet dissatisfaction, an emotional numbness that you don’t let others see. You feel disconnected, like something essential is missing, but you avoid acknowledging it, preferring to maintain the image of having everything under control.

Deep down, there’s a fear of rejection and abandonment that colors how you see yourself and your place in the world. This fear stems from past experiences where you felt left out or unworthy, perhaps from moments when you reached out for support and were met with coldness or lack. That sense of being shut out has led you to withdraw emotionally, burying your desires and vulnerabilities under layers of self-protection. However, this hidden wound shapes how you move through the world—it keeps you from fully expressing the vibrant, fiery side of yourself, the part of you that is bold, passionate, and fearless. While you project strength, this shadow lingers in the background, holding you back from fully owning your power.

Your shadow comes to the surface when you’re confronted by people or situations that reflect confidence and control, especially when they embody traits you’ve repressed. These encounters stir something inside you, triggering internal conflict as your shadow self clashes with the persona you’ve carefully built. The lesson in this struggle is to reconnect with your emotional core, to allow yourself to feel deeply and openly once again. Healing comes through embracing the tension, acknowledging that inner battles are a part of your growth. By working through this, you’ll move toward a more patient and nurturing relationship with yourself, where you invest in long-term growth and understand that healing is a process—one that requires steady effort and care.

Pile Two

She finds herself in a state of suspension, caught between holding onto control and surrendering to the unknown. Outwardly, she appears strong, composed, and authoritative, someone who takes charge with ease and thrives in an orderly world. She presents herself as the one in control, the one who always knows what to do. However, beneath this confident exterior, she’s struggling with uncertainty. She feels stuck, as if the answers she’s searching for are just out of reach, and in order to find them, she knows she must let go of the rigid expectations she’s placed on herself. She wears the mask of authority, but behind it, she is deeply uncertain, torn between what she knows and what she longs to discover.

At her core, she craves connection—a relationship where she can feel deeply understood and loved. There's a romantic within her, yearning for a bond that feels effortless and sincere, as if she’s waiting for that perfect emotional partnership. But she’s haunted by past disappointments, memories of love that didn’t turn out the way she hoped. This loss lingers, making her cautious about trusting her heart again. She often revisits those past moments of grief, wondering what went wrong and fearing that opening herself up to love again will lead to more heartbreak. As much as she wants love, the weight of her emotional past makes her guard her feelings, holding back from diving fully into new connections.

Her fears and vulnerabilities surface when emotions become overwhelming, or when she’s faced with situations that push her to move too fast. In those moments, she becomes protective, holding onto her feelings and resources tightly, afraid of losing control or being vulnerable. Her instinct is to cling to what she knows, but there’s also a deeper truth: her dreams and fantasies about what could be are not just idle thoughts. They reflect her true desires, the part of her that longs to break free from her hesitation and embrace all the possibilities that life offers. To heal, she needs to release the fear of losing control, to trust that even if things are uncertain, the journey ahead is rich with opportunities—ones she’s fully capable of seizing, if only she lets go.

Pile Three

She is moving through a period of transition, quietly distancing herself from past conflicts and emotional turbulence. Her journey, both literal and metaphorical, is one of seeking peace and clarity after enduring a storm. On the outside, she may seem calm, as though she’s finally found her direction, but the waters behind her are still unsettled. Internally, she is recovering from struggles, possibly with others or even within herself. The tension and discord she’s left behind still echo in her thoughts, making it difficult for her to fully let go. While she appears to be progressing, there is a quiet battle inside her, as if she’s constantly bracing for the next challenge.

Her internal struggle centers on patience and the need to balance her desires with the reality of what she’s building. She has invested time and energy into something—perhaps a relationship, a career, or personal growth—and now she waits, unsure of the outcome. There's a restlessness beneath her calm exterior, a feeling of competition, either with herself or with others. She yearns for stability and celebration, for a moment when she can finally relax and feel secure, but she is deeply aware that the foundation she’s working on still needs time to solidify. Emotionally, she is tied to the idea of love and partnership, but her past battles have made her wary. Love feels both close and distant, like something she craves but is cautious about fully embracing.

Her emotional depth runs deep, though she doesn’t always show it. She is someone who feels intensely, yet she’s learned to control and temper her feelings. When her emotions rise, they are powerful, but she channels them carefully, maintaining a composed exterior. Her greatest strength lies in her intuition. She often knows more than she lets on, reading situations and people with a subtle, almost mystical understanding. But this also makes her guarded, as if she’s protecting herself from being hurt again. She’s been through many trials, and though she’s weary, she remains resilient. Her journey is far from over, and while the battles she’s faced have left her cautious, they have also made her wiser. She stands ready to move forward, but she knows the path ahead will require both patience and strength.

[atlasofoverthinking]

The Problem with the League of Villains

this is just me ranting after reading many people say that the lov deserved a better ending (i agree with them don't worry). most of that stuff has already been said but i'm bored and need something to write

so why is everyone disappointed?

by definition, an antagonist is someone that goes against the main character(s) and a villain is someone who does immoral and/or illegal things (wow, shocking)

so by definition, the league of villains is aptly named. shigaraki and dabi are mass murderers, toga is a killer too, and even if the others are 'less dangerous' they're all guilty of terorism and kidnapping a teenager.

not nice, right? then why would anyone would want them to have a good ending?

long story short: horikoshi made the league too sympathetic and relatable

when horikoshi has decided to make them funny, he's decided to make them likeable. that's not enough though. you can find a fictional villain funny and not root for them (for some reason the examples that comes to my mind are the disney villains. captain hook is hilarious but no one wants him to win)

the cause of everyone's disappointment is the relatable part. everyone in the league has gone through stuff viewers can relate. touya, shigaraki and toga have been abused; twice has mental health issues (and stuggling to get a job is relatable too lmao); spinner has been discriminated against... you get the idea

and even without knowing their backstory, most of the league's fights can be considered noble: they want to change society and make the world a better place. to take a more precise example, the league kidnapped bakugou because they thought he had gone through similar struggle as them

(this is mr compress talking in chapter 85) as far as i've seen, most of the fandom either think bakugou being chained and muzzled at the end of the sport festival was just comic relief or agree that it was fucked up

so yeah, you can't put a group of people rejected by society, who just want a better world and expect people to not like them

and that's why their ending is disappointing (the rest contains heavy spoilers of the last few chapters of mha)

they're all either in jail or six feet underground. we rationally could understand it, they're all criminals/villains so of course they wouldn't get a happy ending and face consequences for their actions. the only one who could have gotten away with it is shigaraki because of all the grooming/brainwashing he's gone through and maybe toga because she's a child

but if you relate to a character, you want them to get a happy ending. of course fans would want dabi to be at peace, but instead he's forced to spend his last moments being stared at by his abuser). of course fans would want shigaraki to be free from afo (but instead his only freedom was death). of course fans would want toga to be understood and cared for (but she never had that opportunity)

that's not very 'save to win' out of you horikoshi

maybe it's just a shortcut made by the fandom, but the league are seen more as victims of abuse than actual criminals. i mean, what's more important in dabi's story? the fact that he burned himself alive after overworking himself to get his abusive father's attention, or the fact that he's burned people alive? probably both, but there's more focus on the first element.

and obviously we would want abuse victims to get a happy ending

basically, their ending isn't coherent with what we've seen of them, and that's why people are disappointed

btw, the same logic applies to stain. some fans agree with stain's reasoning bc he's fighting against corruption. of course, his logic is stupid and he's delusional but he's introduced not long after we've discovered shouto's past. you can't say "one of the most popular heroes is abusing + all he wants is to get n°1 to satisfy his own ego" and then follow with "see that guy fighting against corruption? he's bad, don't do that"

the clever way to make sure no one would agree with stain would have been to make the heroes fight against injustice with good methods. i live for the fanfics in which izuku takes down the hpsc

okay i'm done ranting thanks for reading

[c-53]

Just cause I have no one else to talk to about this with-one of my "favorite" things about Mouthwashing is how it doesn't portray rape as being just this terrible thing committed by some monster boogieman, but being done by a human. someone who has feelings about it, even if they're shitty and off the mark. Someone who you're gonna have to find a way to face at work the next day. Mouthwashing isn't perfect, but I think that most other media is really dismissive of rape in one direction or another. Either victims don't matter, or perpetrators are unmentionable monsters. It's a little tough to swallow, but usually, this is just a reality for victims. It makes me feel more understood. you know?

No yeah I’ve discussed this a lot with some other people.

Jimmy being a rapist isn’t the core of his character. Its a culmination of other factors present in his personality, that are all grounded in realistic fears, desires, and insecurities. Like he’s some asshole you could know in real life. You learn about these traits and see him as a person, before you learn he is a rapist. Playing as him also really cements him as a person in a really solid way, like you occupy his headspace, and follow his problem solving, and experience the player entitlement to do everything and have everything that is inherent to him and his personality.

Likewise you learn about Anya, before you see her as a victim. You see her anxiety and distance and discomfort around Jimmy first, and its very clear she doesn’t want to talk about it head on despite it eating her up. It trusts you to read between the lines. This manner of setting them up avoids the pitfall of the dismissiveness you mentioned, where a character - in writing, and reader interpretation - are a rapist and victim first and foremost, and reduced to those facts.

Because like you said. Rape in fiction is USUALLY handled poorly. Often in one of two ways: the violent and uncompassionate monster with no sympathetic qualities and? No motive beyond cruelty? Or like. Passion of love that transcends boundaries. And both are entirely bullshit. In real life its just someone who’s entitled and self centered in just the right wrong way (a mode of thought you, as a player, are guided to follow before the information is revealed), and then someone else who has to struggle with the fact it happened and how to move forward. And most of the time in these situations, the victim feels they can’t say anything, due to the structures of punishment, or the proximity that would have allowed such a thing to occur - with that being driven to an extreme in mouthwashing.

Idk. I’m rambling but its realistic, and thoughtful, and I’ve been very impressed with the depth it manages to convey without telling you what to think, or even saying too much out loud. which is very appreciated.

[sunsh1n3s]

— lecture. ( don hume x reader )

a.n. sorry for the long wait for a fic from me. english and nursing class have been kicking my ass!! please enjoy this fic, the plot is inspired by parts of the book and this ask :)

contains. swearing, fem!reader

coach ulbrickson’s fake races were killing don. the boys were finally organized into decent working boats, and he made sure of it. working them for hours with races or practices, making sure they met his standards. don’s boat relied on him the most, as he created the pace and kept them somewhat stable. it was also a curse, creating the new pace and fighting against the speed of the old one; wearing don down like some type of machine.

he did it with no complaint, still rowing and racing with ease. but it came back to taunt him once he laid in bed and struggled to wake up in the morning.

not only were his teammates aware of it, his table partner in his class was also.

y/n sat beside him in their chemistry class, not one she’d advise anyone to sleep in. she noticed twice now that he dosed off, but never said anything or disturbed him; as he never talked to her or disturbed her. she didn’t mind him though, she doubted that he’d ever disturb her.

don was always quiet and calm, so spending the hour of lecture or experiments beside him was something she preferred over her other classes. however, she didn’t know much about him other than his olympic level skill on the rowing team. but y/n knew about his talent, and how valuable he was to the team. she had sat nearby him and his teammates in the study hall, yet her and her friends always had to move because they slowly got louder. they always had something to say about don’s skill.

y/n was not the only one picking up on things about the table partner. don noticed many things about y/n also, he always noticed her. he was frequently too nervous to say anything to her, though she was probably one of the easiest people to talk to. she was well known around school, just because of her social skills, smarts, and kindness. don felt lucky to sit beside her, even if it sounded strange to say. he was just scared that one wrong thing would ruin the calm be had beside her, even if they never really spoke to one another.

another day, another chemistry class. don made his way in before y/n, like normal. he waited to hear her laughter as she walked in alongside her friend, only parting to go to her seat. he glanced at the door, then his watch. as if she was following a routine, don heard y/n’s familiar laugh and goodbye to her friend as she scooted past people to sit beside don.

“good morning.” she greeted like usual, flashing him a smile. “morning.” he replied, giving her a small one. don acted like his ears weren’t red, and y/n didn’t dare to say anything. she looked down at her notebook with a small smile, waiting for the professor to start lecturing.

once he did, don fought sleep to take notes shown on the board or whatever he heard the professor say that seemed important. it was like his muscles and eyes fought against him. the lights off, dim projector light, and comfort of the calmness between him and y/n; don was set to fall asleep.

once he did, he was out.

somehow his breathing was as silent as he normally was. y/n noticed this once when she took notes for him.

like she had before, y/n grabbed his notebook and read where he was at, adding her own notes while the teacher continued to ramble on. she understood don’s exhaustion, so she didn’t mind writing some for him. she matched his notes to hers and made sure to neatly write so he could read what she wrote for him.

don woke, face flushed when he realized he fell asleep. y/n noticed and slid over his notebook with a small smile, continuing to take her notes while he blinked at the notebook in front of him. don glanced at her and started writing more notes, embarrassed at how messy his handwriting seemed in comparison to hers. “thank you.” he whispered, making her blush and smile at him. “anytime.” she replied.

the gesture didn’t go unnoticed by him, and it didn’t go unnoticed by his teammates.

“don, what the hell happened to your handwriting?” bobby asked, making chuck lean over to look at the nicely written handwriting, semi cursive. they looked at him, along with some of the other boys.

don turned red, “i fell asleep. y/n took my notes and wrote what i missed down.” he explained, you could hear the glee in his voice yet he didn’t smile; he didn’t want to create chaos.

the boys looked at him shocked, y/n, the popular and smart girl of don’s class noticed him. “how long has she been doing this?” bobby asked, leaning over to look more at the papers. don paused his work and looked back, flipping a few times through the notes. “like four times.” he replied.

“don she’s got feelings for you. you have to ask her out.” john said. don sat there in silence, shaking his head. “no i’m good.” he replied, making them all groan and sigh. “well the girls next to me don’t take my notes for me while i’m asleep, they don’t even look at me. she’s into you.” rodger explained, getting up to leave.

“she’d be better with the football guys over there.” don said, turning and looking over to see y/n standing with her friends while they talked with a few of the guys on the football team. y/n glanced over and noticed them staring, she held eye contact with don and waved slightly. he nodded at her as his way of waving and they both looked away. bobby noticed the smile that lingered on her face, fixing her hair and talking less to the guys.

“you know you did play football, basketball, and ran track. you have those guys beat.” bobby informed, looking at don again. all don could do was brush him off, convinced the well known and social girl would go for the quiet and lesser known guy.

“you need to tell her you like her, or ask her out or something.” bobby continued, glancing at him and back at y/n, who moved away from a guy’s action to keep her close. her friends looked at her and she gave them a defensive look, “she’s reserved for someone, maybe you.” roger spoke, shocked at the beauty denying the guy.

“don’t get my hopes up.” don said monotonously, watching her in awe.

don stood in front of ulbrickson with chuck, jim, and george. he looked at a paper and looked up at them, “you boys need to get your grades up.” he started, pressing them into the importance of academics and being on the team, a lecture they heard before.

they couldn’t say much against his disappointment and slight irritation. don just watched and remained silent, something he was decent at but it irritated ulbrickson. “hume, you have to ace your final exam. fail it and we lose you- i cannot lose you. don’t grow an ego about that.” ulbrickson warned. don nodded, listening to his coach’s command.

“maybe get a tutor to help, or a study friend.” he weakly implied, desperate for don to keep up with his grades.

the implication or suggestion from ulbrickson fueled bobby’s ideas and demands that don had to ask y/n out. he found the pairing perfect, and he had talked to y/n before; she wouldn’t turn down helping don, regardless of how she felt about him.

when he could, bobby spoke on y/n, but never too much. it reached the point where they stood in front of y/n, don looking down at her quiet, while bobby stood beside him with a small smile. “am i being interrogated?” she asked, with a small nervous smile.

“don has a question that’s all, don’t ya don?” bobby quipped, nudging his friend. don nodded and hummed, “i need help studying for our final, i thought maybe we both could study together.” he explained, saying the most he’s ever said to y/n; ever.

y/n blinked and smiled, “i’d love to.” she answered softly, and don felt faint. “i thought i’d have to ask to see you myself, but i’m glad you did.” she teased. don blushed a bit, “you want to see me more?” he asked, adjusting his bracelet out of nerves. he wanted to disappear yet stay in the moment forever. y/n nodded at the question, “yeah, i think you’re cool.” she admitted. bobby was grinning now, don would never hear the end of it after this.

y/n could sense the slight awkwardness, “okay! so tomorrow let me know when you’re free. i’ll see you.” she bid her goodbyes with a smile and walked away, don could hear the flutter of hellos she gave to people she passed. he stood there shocked whilst bobby smiled at him. “got yourself a date.” bobby teased.

don turned to watch her leave, smiling slightly.

the glow don got from asking her, or knowing he had plans with her, lasted throughout his practice. don improved his strokes and practiced well, it was noticeable. what caused don to glide smoother and bloom in confidence? the confident one herself.

soon enough, the guys knew, and it was the talk in the jv boat until don went on his study date.

“i really don’t know much.” don said, realizing how behind and lost he was in the lectures. y/n looked up from her book, “do you need me to explain anything?” she asked, sliding out of her seat to sit in the empty one beside him.

don’s posture straightened and his breath caught in his throat, he looked at her and nodded. “alright so,” she jumped into explanation, pointing at what the notes said and the equations in front of them. don listened, looking at her face then back at her hands then back at her face. her knowledge was attractive, making her more beautiful.

“you’re lucky i know this unit. otherwise we’d be fucked.” she spoke, making him laugh slightly at her cursing. “yeah-yeah, we don’t want that.” don said, smiling at her. y/n looked up at him, returning the smile.

they both worked on their equations that they were advised would help on the quiz. don glanced at y/n’s paper, and y/n herself. she flowed through the worksheet somewhat easily, she cursed to herself here and there, erasing the whole equation.

an hour passed, they both sat in comfortable silence; y/n remained by don’s side. eventually she finished the entirety of the studying, and don completed a bit after her. they both groaned and rubbed their eyes in result of staring at the paper for hours. knuckles cracked, shoulders were rolled, and sighs were let out. the two were exhausted.

y/n rested her head on the table, letting out a long sigh. don watched her with a small smile, “want to go out and get ice cream?” he asked, checking his watch. coach wouldn’t kill him for a small cone and coming back at eight pm. y/n sat up tiredly, smiling at don. “i do owe you for your time.” don added, smiling sheepishly. y/n yawned and shook her head, “i enjoy spending time with you. i’d love to get ice cream.” she agreed, needing a pick me up and wanted more time with him.

so the two packed up their bags and left the library. it was cooler out as the night came by, but it was perfect. together, they walked side by side towards the ice cream shop, gradually getting closer.

don opened the door for y/n and took her bag, letting her order and relax while he followed with his own order. y/n noticed the gestures, feeling special by them. don looked at her, catching her staring. she smiled and so did he, “what?” he asked quietly while they waited for their cones. y/n simply shook her head, “you’re just handsome, personality and looks.” she complimented. don was slightly taken aback, he smiled and tried to form a sentence. however they were both interrupted by the worker, handing them their ice cream.

both don and y/n sat outside next to one another, they both stared out at the water that don constantly fought against. “you have hope in this test that’ll save you your spot on the team?” y/n teased, looking at him. don chuckled, “if anything, you saved me my spot.” he replied. y/n became flustered and looked away from him, silently eating as her cheeks and ears burned.

“you’re truly a lifesaver. to me and like everyone you help and know. which is a lot.” he continued, making her laugh and nudge him. “not a lot.” she replied, making him shake his head. “not true, you’re like the most well known girl here. not because of only your beauty, your smarts and kindness too.” don explained, going silent when he realized he admitted his thoughts of her.

y/n was now the one speechless, “you’re too kind.” she said, smiling at him. he shook his head again, “it’s just the truth.” he replied. y/n took in his features and his small sly smile, he let his eyes move down her face then back to her eyes. it was the perfect moment to make a move, don took a second longer, “are you into any of those football guys?” he asked nervously, quietly. “anyone more known?” he added. y/n caught his drift, or his nervousness, and shook her head.

“no im just into this one rower who falls asleep next to me in class, i really like him and like to see him succeed so i help him by taking his notes.” y/n admitted, smiling at don. a full smile grew on his face, “really?” he asked. y/n nodded and don took it as the actual perfect opportunity, kissing her gently.

they both sat there, pulling away with bashful smiles. “once we pass, we should go out for ice cream again. or just go out again eventually.” she whispered, don smiled at her suggestion, “i’d like that.” he replied and kissed her again.

and so they had their second ice cream date, every year on the same day, even on the night of their wedding. the two were bound to fall in love, it just took several lectures to get to where they needed to be.

a.n hope you enjoyed!

tags: @gvfsstardust

[clarencethemouse]

Bleeding Light (pt. 1)

Nightcrawler x reader

because I'm feral and no one can stop me :)

This has been festering rotting in my brain for a week. This reads like a whole story (and a long one, because I have a lot of thoughts), but my brain spouts better as bullets. So it's bullets. But as a story. Enjoy :))

(also I totally may write out a proper story later. But you get the lore right now)

the Pining.

let it be known that it was mutual. And it was mutual for a Long Time

You were already with someone else when you two met. With his never-ending charm, wit, and kindness, it didn't take long for you to hit it off as good friends.

this soon became a close friendship, often closer emotionally than you were with your partner. You were a mutant, unbeknownst to your partner (out of shame). You trusted them, and they respected mutants, but by the time you gained the courage to tell them, you felt it was too late to risk losing their trust over such a crucial lie. So you maintained this front, masterfully, for over a year

with Kurt, you didn't feel the need to hide. He understood. With him, you could bond and relate life stories in ways you could never with your long-term partner.

it was soon that you began to realize your feelings for Kurt were stretching farther than any other friendship before. And that you liked Kurt more than you ever loved your partner

this tore you up, and you became wracked with guilt. You didn't know how to end it with your partner, though you knew it had to be done. You still loved and cherished the person you spent the last year with, but it wasn't fair to them

over the last several months you two had planned a future together. It was a critical time of your life to gain independence, move out of home, and start your own journeys of life. For so long, you wanted to start this new life with them. It wasn't so simple as breaking up. Their, and your, near future was built upon the assumption that you would marry, as you did love them.

but not as much as you liked Kurt.

Your choice was made when you finally sat down with them and revealed your mutation. One thin cut was made on your hand. Light poured from the skin, igniting both of your faces in shock and fear. As the white blood trickled down your palm, your partner demanded why. Why could you keep this from them? Why did you withhold such an important part of you for so long?

when you could provide no answer they deserved, they walked out.

with your future with them obliterated, you had nowhere to turn. Nowhere to go to escape the psychological torture (and emotional abuse) of your parents' failed marriage. When you turned to Kurt for a deep shoulder to cry on, he provided an answer. An answer he knew would be best for you, and cursed himself that he was more excited about what it could mean for him. The X-Mansion

it only took mere days before you packed everything of value and were stationed at the mansion. It didn't take long for Kurt to convince the professor to let you stay, at least for as long as it took you to get on your feet on your own (and he wanted you to stay because... reasons).

you were more than happy to suggest doing your part as a teacher for the school

settling into the flow of the school, and life so close to people just like you, was a struggle eased by Kurt. He was the new kid before, and just as he had Rogue, you had him.

soon you built your own social circle and support group of friends, fitting perfectly into the puzzle that is the X-Men family. Soon, you were able to grieve your lost love and move on with the world you were always meant for.

...it did not take long for everyone to notice the brighter smiles you offered Kurt. The glances you sent him after making your witty, slightly dirty comments. How he was the first person you sat with during movie night, resting your head on his shoulder as you both grew tired. How you distracted yourself during end-of-the-day classes, searching for him in the hall through the window in your classroom door. How he was the only one you didn't hide the blinding paper cuts and golden scraped knees from.

and it did not take long for everyone to notice the way his tail whipped more excitedly the instant you entered the room. The way he recalled you explaining your day so enthusiastically as if you were the brightest, most wise creature to grace the planet. The way he was always the first to appear by your side after a more gruesome training session, examining every inch of your visible body more thoroughly than Beast. The way when he would let you down after a piggyback ride, his smile faltered ever so slightly to stop touching you.

so Rogue and Gambit formed a plan. Because that's what good friends do

she worked on whittling you down to admit it to yourself. He was happy to encourage Kurt to take more forward action with you. Jubilee soon joined in the plan, and soon there was a whole network of friends conspiring to get you two together because GOD WE ALL SEE IT. THE STUDENTS SEE IT. THE PIGEONS SEE IT. CHARLES AND JEAN HAVE TO SEE IT IN YOUR MINDS EVERY DAMN DAY. GET A ROOM.

and it works

Rogue got it out of you quickly. She was able to help you sort out your feelings and stop feeling so guilty about the past. You did what had to be done, and you never would have been truly happy with your old partner living a life of lies. But you can't lie to Kurt. He knew you deeper than anyone without even trying, and you wished to God he could know you a little better.

it took a month before Gambit was finally able to convince Kurt that you were struggling just the same. Because as much as the man flirted, teased, and worked himself into our attention by any means possible, he could not shake the dreaded pit feeling that you were still someone else's. You were still just out of his reach, and he would never know the feeling of your beautiful lips; your hands beyond high fives and thumb wrestling matches. Never have the honor to show the world everything he wished he could have with you

Kurt met you on the mansion roof. You were minding your business; reading a book and playing with light over the shadows. You didn't want to come inside. And if you were on the roof, that's where Kurt was gonna make himself comfortable. He would hang by the cell tower by just his tail if it meant you would talk to him. Anything if it meant he could tell you the truth.

it started with you looking over at him in a moment of silence, when you truly had no inclination to think he was there with any ulterior motive. Just one thought on the tip of your tongue

"You're so beautiful."

kurt.exe has stopped working

neither of you left the roof. The night wrapped with your head on his chest and his hand in your hair, him wondering where the absolute Hell it all went wrong.

you did wake up around 2 a.m. Sitting up abruptly at the surprise of your position, you were met with Kurt's golden eyes already awake and on you. No one beyond you two knows what happened on the roof that night, but your relationship changed. No more hiding.

when you returned to your lives the next morning, the others didn't need to be told that the mission was successful. Your smiles and bright eyes shared the whole story

[musicalmoritz]

Good Femslash Fics Already Exist

With the whole push for more femslash in fandoms, I’ve never understood the amount of hate I see femslash “fans” direct towards existing creations. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more variety, I do too, but every time someone brings up the fact that femslash fan fictions are already being written someone opens their mouth to say “yeah but those suck.” And then they proceed to read 300+ atrociously mischaracterized mlm fics. They complain abt plotless fluff and then read the exact same pwp scenarios over and over again

And hey, if you don’t want to read femslash that’s totally fine. You don’t have to pretend it interests you. I’m someone who actively looks for femslash and my only problem has been a lack of content in smaller/male-dominated fandoms, the fics themselves are cute af. Ya’ll are missing out on some real masterpieces by labeling all existing femslash fics as “boring,” some of my favorite fics ever are femslash. If an mlm ship invades the tags just filter it out, filter out every mlm pairing in the fandom if you have to. AO3 gives us that option for a reason

I’m not saying we don’t need more variety, but we’re not going to get that by shitting on writers who actively put in the work to make more femslash. When I started writing femslash consistently it was very discouraging because I’d seen soooooo many people online saying they want more femslash fics, yet nobody was reading mine. Then I looked at the stats on other femslash fics and they were the same, really great fics were barely getting any hits or kudos. It kinda sucks knowing that an mlm fic I wrote in 3 hours got more kudos than a wlw fic I spent months on (for pairings of relatively equal popularity). This seems to be the biggest roadblock for people wanting to write femslash, no one supports it. Even tho fandoms claim they would support it, they never do. It’s something I’ve learned to stop caring about but not every writer is gonna push through

This brings me back to a comment I saw about “boring, hair-braidy wlw fics.” That description really stood out to me, and to this day it makes me feel a little self-conscious about my old femslash fics that were “boring” and “hair-braidy.” But then I came across a fic for this one pairing that had actual hair-braiding. It was incredibly well-written and meaningful, exploring how both characters struggled to ask for help but they were able to recognize each other’s dilemmas and help in subtle ways. They did this, of course, by fixing each other’s hair when they both felt helpless to do anything with it. Such a simple way to express a very deep bond. This made me reassess the way people talk about femslash fics, and the way I’d been thinking of them myself. Is fluff really that much of a crime?? Do all cottagecore-type fics really have no substance?? Do femslash fics have to copy exactly what slash fics are doing, or are they allowed to have their own tropes??

My attitude towards the overload of plotless fluff wlw fics is “this is a good starting point.” We need more people writing femslash, more variety in what is written, but that doesn’t mean what we have is bad. I critique wlw fic tropes a lot but I always give the disclaimer that I actually love the fics themselves, I just want to see more of a different thing. And I comment on every femslash fic I read (every fic I read in general but especially femslash), I try to leave something thoughtful to let the writer know I appreciate the effort they put into their work. You’d be surprised how many writers said they were encouraged to update a fic or write more femslash because of a positive comment I left them. Engaging with fics will give you more of a good thing. It has so much more influence than that video you’re about to make talking about how there’s no good femslash fics. When you say things like that it actually discourages people from writing, and makes them feel bad about things they’ve already written. Support femslash writers guys, it’s sexy

[god-blues]

An Analysis of Clive Rosfield and the Dominants of FFXVI

finally writing this post after having brain worms about these themes since [checks notes] the game came out last year, so here goes

every single dominant in the game represents a theme to clive rosfield in some shape or form, and serves to mark the progress of his growth across the narrative of the game. either as an obstacle to overcome, or as a guiding beacon imparting him with purpose to keep carrying on

i'm going to look at each dominant that clive faces in the chronological order in which he absorbs their eikons, so we're starting from benedikta even though jill and joshua were the first ones in clive's life, and go from there. i'll be leaving leviathan out of this since i think that one's the most disconnected from clive's journey and has the least to say about him as a person (makes sense since it's DLC and not necessary for the full story)

also, this is obviously just my own interpretations of the game's themes and the way it utilizes their characters in clive's journey etc etc. i'm not saying this is the only Correct way to look at it, i just wanted to get my thoughts out on paper as a nice little overview for myself and others interested in that kind of thing

it's about 2k words long so i had to add a read more. onwards!

Benedikta Harman

benedikta and clive share similar traumas. both were enslaved at a young age, and while their experience of it differed for both, the similarities are so stark that the game practically spells it out for you. basically: benedikta is where clive would have ended up had he ignored or rejected cid's guidance

imo it's no coincidence that cid and benedikta have the history of cid having saved her from slavery when she was a young girl, because it mirrors how he saves clive and jill as well. the difference is that unlike clive and jill, benedikta did not end up with the benefit of gaining a support system like the hideaway

instead, she was taken in, used for her powers as a dominant and manipulated by barnabas, and eventually abandoned by cid which left her in an even worse place. with no other way to survive, she could only hold onto barnabas to grant her status and power to protect herself

now whether cid was wrong or right for leaving her behind is not something i'm gonna go into since we don't know enough about the circumstances in which it happened. from the way cid speaks to benedikta in game, benedikta and barnabas were responsible for acts he didn't agree with ("because i'd had enough of you and your king's antics"), so we'll leave it at that

that aside, though, it left benedikta to fend for herself, with no one she could have truly relied on. clive and jill, on the other hand, found a new home with people who understood and shared in their struggles, and with cid there to guide them

it makes the boss fight clive has with benedikta rather tragic, looking back on it. this is one of the boss fights that don't necessarily symbolize growth for clive, at least not in a positive way: he loses control just as benedikta did. it's a fight between two hurt people hurting each other because it is all they know how to do

the only difference is that one of them has people he can rely on, and the other is alone, used as a tool and then discarded when she served her purpose. the same as would have happened to clive, had he never escaped slavery

Cidolfus Telamon

it makes sense that we go from benedikta to cid after that, because once clive comes to terms with his trauma and Accepts The Truth, he moves onto the path of recovery. being that he doesn't know how to navigate that, however, cid becomes a natural mentor to him

from the start, you get the sense that cid has already decided in his mind that he wants clive to be his successor and keep the hideaway safe. the man is living on borrowed time, his arm turning to stone and coughing up blood every time he exerts his aether in any significant way. note what blackthorne tells clive the first time they meet, as well: "don't let cid decide what's best for you". cid clearly has a habit of steering people in certain directions

clive, who is at a loss on what to do now that he has been stripped of his original purpose, which was to avenge joshua, of course clings onto the new purpose that cid guides him towards. this is not to say that cid does so in a manipulative way: clive wants and needs to feel useful, and cid offers a way for him to do that to both their benefit. by the time they head to oriflamme, they hold a mutual trust between them, and clive views cid with clear respect and admiration, enough to pledge himself to cid's cause

the interesting part in all this is the way how clive absorbing ramuh coincides with him absorbing cid's ideals and cid's very identity as well in order to carry on his legacy. in the process, a part of clive's own identity becomes subsumed by this role he takes on as "cid" and the hideaway's new leader, quoting cid at various moments after the timeskip ("any objections?"). it is no different than the roles he fit himself into throughout his life or failed to fit into ("...prince, Shield, son his mother could love")

i always wonder what cid would have thought of that. i muse about it more in this post, if you're interested

Hugo Kupka

hugo kupka embodies, very plainly, refusing to accept the truth and being blinded by vengeance.

both hugo and clive were wrapped up in this idea of needing to get revenge, and for both of them that revenge was built on a lie. whereas clive confronted the truth of what happened to joshua and was able to move on because of it, hugo became wrapped up in a deception (albeit externally inflicted) and let it consume him

in so doing, he became a useful tool for barnabas that was then discarded as soon as his purpose of giving clive titan was fulfilled. his revenge amounted to nothing. but that is not to say that vengeance is being condemned by the narrative, rather, being blinded by it is.

clive, having seen and accepted the truth, exacts a much more righteous retribution on hugo for having destroyed the hideaway and having killed so many, all because of a lie that cid had killed benedikta

rather than let the need for vengeance rule him, clive wields it only when it is deserved. he overcomes the manipulation where hugo does not, and hugo suffers the consequences where clive emerges victorious

Dion Lesage

dion is similar to benedikta in that he exemplifies the outcome of a path that clive could have walked, but ultimately escaped from: to be used as a weapon, and to be trapped by his desire for approval from a parental figure. had clive been revealed to be a dominant much earlier in his life, there is no doubt in my mind he would have been in the same position that dion ended up in with his father. i've written about it more extensively in this post, so i won't repeat all of it

the gist of it is that dion is a tragic hero from beginning to end- unlike clive, he is unable to escape his fate. he embodies the self-sacrifice and endless striving for a parent's affection despite never being good enough

the sidequest with tomes is especially heartbreaking when keeping this in mind, because unlike clive who was able to accept the "sin" he committed in "killing joshua" (as well as actually killing rodney), dion cannot forgive himself for the sin of killing his father and destroying twinside

like i mention in the post i linked, it's no coincidence that clive reunites with joshua in the same scene where dion's sin is born. clive lets go of his guilt and moves forward, whereas dion becomes entrenched in his guilt to where it drives him to sacrifice his very life in an attempt to make up for it

on top of that, when you look into additional lore you see what a horrible person sylvestre truly was. ultimania reveals he had dion's mother assassinated in order to hide that he was born to a commoner, and a courtesan at that, and used dion's status as bahamut's dominant to become emperor. then you realize the full depth of the tragedy that is dion's story

dion died trying to redeem himself to a man who saw him as nothing but a tool, and had fully deserved to be killed by his hand all along

Jill Warrick

jill is, pretty much, what keeps clive's will from breaking

their romance absolutely cannot be separated from this, so even if you personally might not ship these two, canon is very clear about this

jill has always given clive the strength to carry on, more than anyone else. when he first finds her during his assassination mission at the nysa defile and realizes that it is her, he is ready to abandon his quest to avenge joshua and die together with her when they are about to be overrun by the iron kingdom's soldiers. and when she wakes in the hideaway later, she is the one who gives him the strength to face what happened at phoenix gate, and accept the truth of who he is

to elaborate on this: the game's mechanics give the major enemies a Will Bar you have to deplete for a reason, similar to how dominants lose control of their eikons when something causes their Will to break, and why ultima continuously tries to wear away at clive's Will throughout the game: willpower is an essential thematic component of the narrative, and jill being there for clive is what keeps his Will from breaking

i think it's very purposeful that the only time clive is truly defeated is by barnabas (if you'll remember the mocking Clive Bested pop-up lol). it's also to hype barnabas up as a villain, yes, but also to exemplify he needs jill--needs to absorb shiva--in order to overcome his greatest adversary yet

there's some discourse about the english vs japanese translations of the scene they share at the beach, and i'm not interested in getting into that: the english dialogue is what encompasses canon to me first and foremost. so, going off that, we get a scene where jill entrusts shiva to him, which might first be seen as clive taking the burden of it from her. which is true, but! it is also what gives clive the strength to carry on

in that way i think the game strikes an interesting balance between what is a "burden" and what is "strength". yes, carrying the hopes and dreams of your fellow comrades on your back is a heavy weight, but it is simultaneously something to draw strength from, because through that same token clive knows he's not alone. jill and everyone else at the hideaway is with him

Barnabas Tharmr

barnabas is clive's ideological foil, another path he could have walked. i could write an entire essay on this particular point alone, but most of it would be speculation and my personal headcanons based on the scant few lines we get from barnabas in-game and the added lore in ultimania, so i'll spare you. if you want to know more about how i see barnabas, cid and clive fitting together in terms of their ideology, though, refer to this post

anyways, this one is pretty obvious: barnabas represents the relinquishing of human will and becoming a slave to a higher power

i've mentioned in past posts before that ultima embodies the pinnacle of a slave master, tying in with the theme of it within the game- even the combat mechanics are built around it, as i mentioned in jill's section. what if clive never escaped slavery? what if he had succumbed to ultima and truly became mythos? that's pretty much barnabas in another form

barnabas is also the antagonist clive tries to talk to the most, even saying to him verbatim during their second duel at the bottom of the sea "we don't have to do this". their fights are not only physical fights, they are verbal and ideological ones: through their battles, they begin to build an understanding of each other, leading barnabas to come to the realization that he never truly relinquished his will at all

this realization signifies clive's ideological victory, and thus barnabas is fittingly the final dominant you fight before you face ultima themselves. every step of clive's journey has been leading up to this: working through his trauma and hurt, finding community and purpose, accepting the truth to no longer be lead astray, letting go of the need for approval and validation, carrying the hopes and dreams of his loved ones, and proving the strength of his ideals

Joshua Rosfield

joshua is the genesis of clive's search and need for a purpose

not by joshua's own hand, of course. he was just a baby, after all, but the birth of the dominant of the phoenix meant that clive no longer had a purpose (at least, in anabella's eyes). if clive could not be the dominant that his mother wanted, then the next best thing would be to become the shield that his brother needed

except, joshua turns this notion entirely on its head by the end of the game

he saves clive not once but twice, first in oriflamme, then later in the rift when ultima is trying to possess clive once more. both times, joshua thwarts ultima: both times, it is joshua who functions as clive's shield. he is upset when he thinks clive has pressured jill into giving him shiva, because he thinks it is clive yet again trying to shoulder the burden all by himself

there are many different interpretations of the ending of the game, but joshua is in part why my personal view is that clive is the one who lived and joshua is the one who died. joshua has always been clive's foremost protector, and through his sacrifice, clive is "released" from his roles and his need for a purpose to make himself useful his entire life

as a result, joshua is the one who sets clive free at the end of clive's journey. that is what allows clive to overcome ultima, who would see mankind shackled to their will, and instead has clive leading mankind to freedom in turn

In Conclusion

this game's themes fuck severely and i will be thinking about them for a long time to come. thanks for reading 🫡

[bettyfrommars]

Might be too much in line with I'm on fire.. but what about classic a classic motorcycle riding drifter.. that is more than meets the eye... maybe more monster than man and that's why he drifts... idk if that's enough maybe he's drifted into small town USA and he meets reader at like a Truckstop/ Diner that's across from the one hotel in town and over days of her waiting on him (EDS) they strike something up... spicy.. if you will.. maybe he finds her delectable and she finds him mysterious & charming idk just spit ballin

The Drifter

missed connections

out on the highway

blurb 1 blurb 2

monster!drifter!Eddie x dinerWaitress!Reader

18+ONLY, smut, blood, oral (f receiving), mention of drug and alcohol addiction, mention of physical abuse by an ex, mention of PTSD, emotional trauma, 2 lost souls finding each other, a killing, monsterfuqqing, but it’s also a really sweet, fluffy story if that makes sense. wc: 4.2

A/N: I was so excited to get this ask! I had to really pull back on the length of this story because I could've kept writing it forever and will most likely bring back Eddie The Drifter again in some oneshots. I did a quick re-read, but sometimes I just need to post these before I obsess over them for too long.

(Also, when Eddie is thinking about how "damaged" they both are, that is his perception, not mine. I think they are both perfect.)

Eddie had been drifting for a while.  He didn’t want to know anyone, and he didn’t want anyone to know him.  He hadn't been the same since the physical and emotional trauma he’d suffered in The Upside Down.  Steve took him by the arm once and told him he understood what he was going through—that they all understood—and that he wasn’t alone.  Eddie knew Steve and the rest meant well, but they couldn’t understand, and he was convinced no one ever would. Trauma affects everyone differently and for Eddie, it started to turn him into his father, and that was what scared him more than anything.  Dark and brooding with a short fuse, there was a beast living inside of him that had not been there before the ordeal with Vecna; or perhaps, it had just been sleeping.  

He lost his temper with Dustin once, and at the time, he thought he was having a very normal reaction to the situation.  It wasn’t until he recognized the fear in his younger friend’s eyes–the way he backed away from Eddie and put his hands up as if he needed to protect himself—that Eddie knew he had to go.  After years of silent struggle and becoming a hermit more and more, he decided to hit the road.  

He started out in his van, sleeping in it, getting odd jobs wherever he went, staying in town just long enough to make some money, and then he was in the wind again.  He called Wayne from payphones and sent postcards back home to Hawkins once in a while, but not often.  In his mind, they were better off without him.

The second year he was on the road, he ended up getting involved with a biker gang and doing some jobs for them that paid well but were on the wrong side of the law.  Before the Upside Down, he’d been more of a lover than a fighter.  Sure, he had to defend himself a few times, especially from his old man, and he never took shit from people without giving it back, but ever since he almost died, he’d acquired some type of superhuman strength.  There was a transformation that happened in him now, fueled by the adrenaline of his rage, and in the past decade, he’d been paid to hurt more people than he could count. The problem was—he’d started to like it. 

Eventually, he was able to trade in his van for a Harley FXS 80, and he carried most of his early possessions with him.  He put the rest of what he owned in a storage unit in Oregon, and he’d planned to circle back there again one of these days to get it all when he decided to settle down—but years later, he was still on the road.   He’d been using his bedroll to sleep out under the stars the past couple nights, but the clouds told him it was about to rain, and he decided he could use a shower and a real bed for the night.

Red River Junction was less than a dot on a map, a truck stop town with a place to eat, a place to sleep, and a place to pump your gas, set right plop in the middle of nowhere.  You’d grown up in a town not too far down the highway, and you were still there, in the same trailer your mother left to you when she passed.  You worked at both the Sundown Motel part-time, and at Margie’s Diner, and in your free time, you dreamed about leaving town and never coming back.  

You heard the rumble of his motorcycle before you saw it; chrome pipes growling to a stop as the rider found a place for his bike in the lot.  A motorcycle, or even an entire MC, pulling into the junction was nothing new.  You were the only stop for gas and food for a good fifty miles.

You were staring for so long out the window as he dismounted and took his helmet off, that you overflowed the coffee cup you were refilling and the elderly customer scoffed at you.  He had long, curly hair tied back in a ponytail and bangs that had grown out just long enough to tuck behind his ears.  Black leather jacket, and leather chaps over his jeans. Your attention was immediately drawn to his jewelry: the small hoop piercing in his ear and the chunky rings across his knuckles.  My Boyfriend’s Back by The Angels played softly from the jukebox while you made your way to the front to greet him.  The kitchen was slammed with only Big Joe behind the grill, and Leslie was the only other waitress, but she was on a smoke break.  

You fumbled the big plastic menu in your hand when he took his sunglasses off to nail you with those star-flecked eyes.  “Just one for lunch?”

He tucked his sunglasses into the front of his shirt and looked around.  “You still serving breakfast?”

“All day long,” you assured him.  Seats at the counter were all full, so  you offered him a booth, and he slid in without another word or glance in your direction, taking the menu from you with a grunt. You tried not to stare at his scars: the angry, purple one on his neck, and the deep white slash across his chin.  His hands were also flecked with scar tissue from various fights, and punching through mirrors every time he hated his own reflection.

50 year old Leslie was tying her apron and chewing gum when you moved behind her to grab a cup and saucer for his coffee.  “Another grumpy one,” you whispered over the sound of clinking silverware and scattered conversations.  

Leslie raised her eyebrow a few times, resting her elbow on the counter.  “Hell, he can get grumpy with me any day.”

Eddie didn’t say much while you waited on him, and you didn’t think he was paying any attention to you, but he saw the way you splashed a bit of vodka into your soda can behind the counter.  He also caught the way you used that same liquid to toss back a couple pills you scooped out of your apron pocket just before you turned to grab some hot plates from the kitchen hatch.  He didn’t judge you for it or think it was odd being that he’d spent the past ten years trying to find ways to dull his pain.  

He thought you were too beautiful for this deadbeat town; too sweet, too kind.  He noticed the bruise on your forearm and the vacancy in your eyes and he felt an instant kinship with you: the damaged recognizing the damaged.  

When you came to clear his empty plate, he asked you if the Sundown Motel was a decent place to stay.  It was the only motel for miles and he didn’t care how decent it was, he just wanted a reason to keep talking to you.

“Sure, it’s great,” you shrugged.  “If you like bedbugs and carpets that look like a violent crime took place recently.”

He met your eyes, and there was a moment of levity there that lightened both of your spirits if only for that moment.  

“I’m cool with bedbugs,” he brushed his tongue between his lips.  “It gets lonely on the road, it’s nice to have some company.”

He told you his name was Eddie after he read yours off of your name tag, and when you came back from seating a table full of seniors who were on a bus tour to the casino, he was gone.

He left you a generous tip, though, and after hours of getting tipped in quarters and loose change, it felt good to have some solid cash in your pocket.  His motorcycle was gone too, and you wondered if he’d decided to hit the road or stay the night.  

You told yourself to forget about him, that he was just another drifter you’d never see again, but the evening had other plans for you.  

You were supposed to have the night off from both jobs, but Susan at the front desk of the motel begged you to come down and work the check-in desk for an hour while she went to pick her kid up.  You wished you could say you had some big plans, but that was absolutely not the case, and so you rolled your car up to the back lot behind the dumpsters and changed out of your orthopedic shoes and into something less drab.  

You thought it would be an easy hour to space off and read a book, but ten minutes after you clocked in, two guests locked themselves out of their room.  It was a two-tier motel, and as you made your way up the concrete steps with the husband and wife in question behind you, fumbling with the keys, you caught sight of Eddie a few rooms down, and your heart jumped into your throat.

He was sitting in the plastic chair in front of the door to his room, smoking a cigarette, stripped down to jeans and a wife-beater.  His hair was still wet from his shower, hanging down his shoulders, showcasing the patchwork of scars that covered his flesh.  

He didn’t make eye contact, but he saw you. In fact, he knew you were on your way a few minutes before that, because he heard your voice, and it made him stay and light another smoke.   He flicked his ash and waited for you to let the couple into their room.  

On your way back to the stairs, the soda and snack machine blocked your view, but once you rounded the corner, there he was again.  

“Is your room satisfactory, sir?” You put the keys in your pocket and stood tall, pretending to act professional.  

Eddie met your eyes then, staring up through his lashes, and one side of his mouth lifted in a smirk.  “Disappointed I haven’t found any bedbugs.”

You coughed a laugh, swaying on your feet.  “Give it time. They come out at dark.”

Eddie didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but he’d also learned never to miss an opportunity with how transient his life was.  His attraction to you was not purely physical, which was a rare occurrence for him. 

He shifted in his seat, a silky curl of gray smoke passing from his lips.  “Are you free later tonight? Can I buy you dinner?”  

Suddenly shy and baffled as to why he’d have any interest, you lowered your chin and shuffled your foot. 

 “I-I’ve got a boyfriend,” you cringed as you said it.  Tony had cheated on you and left you more times than you could count.  He took off a couple days ago after he knocked you around, and you had no idea where he was, but you continued to hold onto this strange sense of loyalty for him.  Perhaps it was because you were convinced he was the best you could do.  

“Did the tough guy do that to your arm?” Eddie asked in a low mumble, his eyes lingering on your bruises.

You covered the marks with your other hand, reflexively.  “He’s been under a lot of stress lately,” you always felt like such an idiot when you defended that loser, but you didn’t know how to stop.  

“Well,” Eddie smashed the butt in the ashtray by his chair and stood up to full height. One nipple under his white tank was hard, but the other one seemed to be missing.  “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

You were too stupefied to move, you just stood there holding your arm, waiting for him to go back into his room.

But Eddie paused in the doorway and turned to give you one last look.  “You deserve a lot better, sweetheart. If he puts his hands on you while I’m around, I’ll fucking kill him.”

—------

You thought about Eddie’s words for the rest of your shift.  When it was over, you drove the ten miles back to your trailer, took a shower, and found yourself driving back to the motel, as if your will was no longer your own.  

“What are you even doing?” You hissed aloud to yourself as you parked behind the Sundown in your usual spot.  It was dusk now and you accepted the possibility that he’d probably invited a different woman out to dinner by then, but any amount of reasoning couldn’t stop you.  You checked the scene first, looking up from the main parking lot to catch the flicker of the tv in his room to let you know he was, indeed, still up there.  His motorcycle was safe in its place, too, and you realized you hadn’t even prepared what to say.  You were an anxious mess, but you were also hungry for him in a way that was foreign to you.  

You hadn’t known much comfort or safety in your life, but you felt those things when you were around Eddie.

After standing at his door for a good 5 minutes, you finally found the courage to knock.

Eddie opened the door while your knuckles were still on the wood.  His eyes looked you over, offering a buck of his chin in appreciation. “Well, well. You are a gorgeous bedbug.”

Your cheeks burned hot at the complement.  “I had some free time, so I thought I’d just check and see how you were doing, if you have everything you need.”

Eddie braced his shoulder against the door jam, giving you a squint. “So, you came to check on me while you’re off the clock? Damn, that is good service.”

You flexed your hands, forcing a laugh, trying your best not to just turn around and run away.

“Are you hungry?” Eddie raised an eyebrow.  “Do you want to come in? Cause we can —”

“I’m not hungry.” You answered, bolting inside of his room when he extended his arm as an invitation, before you lost your nerve.

“Neither am I,” Eddie agreed.  But, he was craving something else.  

He locked the deadbolt and made sure the curtains were closed.

—-----

There were very few words left to be spoken as your lips collided with his, meeting with equal levels of urgency.  You kept trying to kiss him deep and desperate while your hand palmed him through his jeans, but he held you off a bit with soft pressure.  He cupped your face and caressed your cheek with his thumb while he kissed you, giving individual attention to your top lip and then the bottom one.  He kissed down your neck, flicking his tongue out every so often to taste you, making you gasp—you’d never been worshiped with someone's mouth before.    

Breathing heavy, he started to unbutton your shirt.  “Is this okay?” He asked, wondering how far you wanted to take it.

“Yes,” you gulped.  “Please.”

Once you had his shirt off, you bent down to kiss and lick his scars—it was an unspoken act of acceptance that made Eddie’s cock twitch.  You weren’t used to being cared for in bed, and Eddie could tell by the way you hurried to push your jeans down and bend over so he could take you from behind.

“Not like that,” he whispered, using strong arms to lower you to the bed while he shimmied your jeans off.  He got on his knees and scooped up your hips, nudging your pussy through your underwear with his nose, and then he planted kisses across the wet spot and along your inner thigh.  The animal inside of him loved your scent; he wanted to bury himself in it, and he couldn’t help the growl that escaped him.  

You fell back on the bed and covered your face with one hand.  “Wait, I’m—not many people have done that—I’m not sure how to—”

Eddie finger pulled your underwear to one side, exposing your slippery lips for his tongue to flick.  “Do you want me to stop?”

You arched back at the sensation of his mouth on you.  “No, no, please don’t stop,” you urged, putting your hand on his head to gently cup his ear, the one with the silver hoop.  

He moved away just long enough to pull your underwear all the way down your legs and off, maintaining eye contact with you.  He didn’t rush, he took his time, and kissed his way back up your legs to the prize.  

The gentle and precise way he swirled his tongue on your clit had you stammering his name with a few curses in between.  As his attention to your bundle of nerves built your arousal and it spilled down your slit, he dove his mouth down a few times to taste it and drink you, shivering at the pleasure it gave him.  He couldn’t help it, he had to reach down to grab his cock so he could fist it while his mouth brought you closer.  The taste of your hormones in your slick had pre-cum wetting his tip already.  

Tony had only gone down on you a few times, and he never really seemed to enjoy it.  But Eddie was one of those who could eat a peach for hours, as they say.

“Right…there…” you hushed, startled as you felt the wave of an orgasm rise.  Eddie zeroed in on that spot with just the right pressure, fluttering his tongue as he sucked.  His other hand milked his cock in long strokes, taming the beast from cumming too soon, moaning warm breath against your cunt.

“Eddie!” You cried out just as the release took you and wracked your body, like a spring popping out of a tight coil, unraveling.  Eddie pressed his mouth closer to lap you up, feeling your body vibrate as he held your hip in place.

He only broke the seal made by his mouth once you were too sensitive, and your limbs dangled off the bed for a minute, unable to move. 

It didn’t take long for you to start coaxing him up on top of you, spreading your legs out, begging for him to be closer.  He met your kiss with deep, soul-searching need, and you whined at the sensation of his tip sliding up and down your slick.  But, then he hesitated, and pulled up to meet your eyes.

“Inside of me,” you begged, nodding.  “I need you inside of me.”

And yes, that was what Eddie wanted too, but now there was another problem.  

Eddie’s ears pricked at the sound of footsteps outside the door.  He sniffed the air, trying to identify the presence.  He slid off of you and stood, watching the door while he pulled his jeans up and zipped his stiff, aching cock into place behind the denim.

Shuffling up onto your elbows, you were about to speak, to ask what was wrong, but Eddie silenced you with a finger to his lips.  He tossed your jeans over and motioned over his shoulder for you to put them on in the bathroom.

There was something about the whole situation, and Eddie’s sudden silence, that unnerved you, and so you scampered off the bed as quietly as you could and did as he asked.

There were no lights on in the room, except for the infomercial on the mute TV, but the bright moon illuminated the walkway outside enough for him to catch sight of someone pacing out there.  

Finally, there came a heavy knock and a voice.  

It was Tony, and he shouted your name.  “ARE YOU IN THERE? HUH? You fucking whore!”

You buttoned your jeans and all of the blood ran from your face.  Eddie turned his head to look at you.  The adrenaline of pure fear pumped through your body as you froze in place. 

Eddie put his hand out, motioning for you to stay right where you were, behind him.  

Tony pounded on the door again.  “YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM ME! One of my guys said he saw you go in here with some fucking dude.  IF YOU’RE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE I’LL KILL YOU, you goddamn bitch!”

By “one of his guys” Tony meant one of the other drug dealers in town, who were generally crawling all over the motel, leeching off of the clientele.  Eddie looked deceptively calm as he stood at the end of the bed, breathing slow, and you walked over to grab his arm, to warn him that Tony was a crazy motherfucker, and you’d just go with him so Eddie wouldn’t get hurt.  

But Eddie motioned for you to hide, so you did.

“Hold up, man,” Eddie was moving now, heading to undo the deadbolt and you cringed, pushing back as tight as you could between the wall and the bathroom door.  

Once the door was unlocked, Tony stood there heaving, looking Eddie up and down.  Tony was big in a stocky way, but not big like Eddie, and he enjoyed that flash of fear that lit over his adversary’s eyes at first glance.  Sure, the guy had some obvious prison ink, but that didn’t mean shit to Eddie.  

“Where is she?” Tony demanded, pushing in.

“Where’s who, man?” Eddie was being so casual about it, and you were  trying not to scream.  

Eddie shut the door and quietly locked it behind him

Tony’s eyes darted around the room, and then he spun on his heel; his eyes were pinned and doped-out.  “Don’t act dumb, man.  My fucking girl.  Someone said they saw her come up here.”

Tony walked up to Eddie and started poking him in the chest.  “Tell me where that fucking whore is before I make you my bitch.”

Nothing could have prepared you for what happened next—for the transformation and the carnage.  You witnessed it all through the crack in the bathroom door as if you were watching a horror movie. 

Eddie changed, in an instant; the muscles in his shoulders and arms bulged, the teeth in his mouth turned jagged and sharp, and his eyes went completely black.  His massive, clawed hand wrapped around Tony’s throat, lifting him up so that his feet no longer touched the ground.

You muffle a scream with your hand, watching Tony gargle and spit, his limbs flailing.  

Eddie’s lips stretched to speak around his fangs.  “She’s not your girl anymore,” he growled.

Eddie strangled Tony with one hand  until he lost consciousness, and then he threw him to the bed like a rag doll, pouncing on top of him.  He proceeded to rip his throat open with his teeth; blood squirted on the wall and across the door where you were hiding, misting you in the face.  

When he was finished, you made your way out of the bathroom.

Eddie was still a monster as he got off the bed at the sight of your approach.  His clawed hands twitched at his sides, his hair dripped with blood, and his skin from nose to chest was bathed in crimson.  His black eyes assessed you, waiting for you to scream or try to run—-but you didn’t.

You got close enough to touch him, to run your hand up his chest to feel the blood between your fingers, and then brush some bloody hair behind his ear.

Eddie frowned, wondering why you weren’t afraid of him, wondering why your desire for him didn’t seem to falter.

You parted your lips, watching the red drool drip from his teeth.  “Are you okay?"

Your mouths found each other again, tasting the tang of your own blood as one of his fangs pricked your lip.  You each did frantic work of unzipping each other’s jeans as Eddie scooped you up to lay you on the floor.

While the last few pumps of blood shot from Tony’s artery, monster Eddie spilled his seed inside of you, throwing his head back with a howl.  

Now, there really had been a crime committed in that room, and Eddie would need to be on the road again, gone by daylight.  

Maybe this time, you’d be going with him.  

[eternalbuckley]

My heart chose you. - evan buckley

SUMMARY: Look at this wonderful request.

word count: 3,311

genre: fluff, comfort | gn!reader, queer!reader, bipoc!reader and plus-size!reader friendly

warnings: a tiny bit of angst, sexual comments about reader + explicit language, cat calling (once?), disgusting men, use of y/n a few times, buck is readers first boyfriend/kiss/etc., established relationship, slight description of how buck met readers parents for the first time, readers mum accuses buck of only using reader, mention of alcohol, use of pet names (babe, darling, [my] love), insecure buck, mention of thunderstorms, english is not my first language, hardly proofread — if i forgot something, please let me know!

a/n: Thank you for this awesome request! I had so much fun writing it and I hope everything fits perfectly. This is the first request I’ve ever done and I hope you all will like it as well!! Happy reading 🫶

disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know! reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated and welcomed!

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The topic 'love' was never an easy one for you. You were sure you never even felt what real love felt like, you always ran away from it whenever you felt it would start to get too intimate with possible partners. You weren’t even sure if you ever loved anyone, maybe you had crushes before but not too deep. Sure, you had a few people you texted with before but it wasn’t just it. You never got to the point to go on a proper date with them. The reason why you ran away were your parents. It was always hard for you while you still lived with them. You had to listen to their constant arguments about every tiny bit they weren’t on the same page with their opinions. You spent a lot of time in your room and tried to ignore their voices. You were scared that you could end up the same way with your partner.

That was until you met the infamous Evan 'Buck' Buckley. He immediately stole your heart the first time you saw his smile directed towards you. Buck and you met through your mutual friend, Eddie. You knew Eddie through Shannon. You wouldn’t say you were really close but you were close enough that he invited you to one of the dinners at Athena's house with the whole 118 and her family. That‘s where you also met Buck within everyone else that is important to him.

Buck and you didn’t talk for the first few hours, only sending each other a few glances. Until he approached you with the smile you fell for. He made you laugh and he liked your laugh. The chemistry was there between you. You just wouldn’t have expected to fall for him. The more you got to know him in the following months, the more you fell for him without realizing it.

Once he asked you out on an official date, things worked out well for you. From opening up to him and trusting him with the things that matter to you the most up to having your first kiss with him. You didn’t want to run away anymore, you wanted to stay. To stay with Buck and he felt the same about you. He deeply cared for you even way before you officially started to be in a relationship or officially dated. Buck wanted to make you as happy and comfortable as you‘d ever feel. He fully understood your way of life and why you ran away from love. And he understood how it was to have struggles with your parents, that‘s why you both knew how to comfort each other even more.

You understood each other. Everyone who would see and watch you would immediately notice the love that was lingering between you. You knew each other so well and knew what the other one needed. It felt like you were in sync with each other. The whole 118 admired both of you and once you and Buck announced that you two were together, they supported you both. Secretly they already knew but wanted you to officially say it out loud.

Of course, this relationship came with a few insecurities. You were scared you‘d do things wrong since it was your first relationship and Buck not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. But neither of these happened. Buck was excited to be your every first. From your first proper date, first kiss, and everything else. You were strong together. Especially once you moved in with him.

Two years later, the big day was there. Buck wanted to propose to you. Trying to plan it perfectly. He asked Bobby and Athena to help to pick out the perfect ring for you, the price didn’t matter to him. And he knew it wouldn’t matter to you as well, as you‘d even take a sugar ring. You made a few jokes before about it, the first time you did Buck realized he definitely wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. He couldn’t imagine his future without you. You were the love of his life. And he was yours.

The moment he was kneeling in front of you with a box, you knew what would happen. You already knew your answer. You could never say no to Buck. Over the years you were together with Buck, your insecurities and fears of having a relationship like your parents had washed away. You even were ready to marry, as long as it was Buck that would stand at the altar with you.

The whole scenery was perfectly decorated, just like how you liked it. After all, Buck knew you and seeing how you admired everything, made him proud of himself. And happy as well. After he asked you, "Do you want to marry me, my love? And spend the rest of your life with someone like me?" You didn’t answer him and just fell down on your knees to kiss him. He immediately realized what it meant and the biggest smile appeared on his lips. Tears built up in both of your eyes and after he put on the ring on your finger you shared many more kisses and laughter.

"You‘re unbelievable, Buck." You whispered against his lips.

"I love you."

A few weeks later you announced your engagement to the rest of the 118, who of course supported you. After you found out that Bobby and Athena helped Buck to pick out the ring, it meant even more to you and made you more emotional. You knew how much they both meant to Buck and you were so happy that Buck has found his family. Maddie seemed to be the most excited one in the whole group. She always had the fear Buck would never find the perfect match for him until she met you and immediately knew how happy you made him. You got along with her very well and you were already planning to ask her to be your bridesmaid. You just didn’t know when to ask her but there will still be enough time to figure that out.

Telling your parents about the engagement was not the easiest part on the other hand. They were not very fond of Buck himself. Especially your mother. The first time they met him they were distant, your father not that much though. Your father just warned Buck about him leaving and hurting you. Or else it wouldn’t be pretty for Buck. That was everything your father said about it. Your mother on the other hand openly told Buck that she already knew that he would leave her soon anyways as soon as he slept with you. You defended him but it was useless against her. Everything she said had to be right, she would never say anything wrong. Even though her ‚prediction' never came true.

They tried to show their happiness but you knew it was hard for them. You didn’t even want to imagine them at your wedding, especially since they weren’t able to stay in the same room for five minutes without fighting. You weren’t sure if you wanted them to be at your wedding anyways.

————

"Babe, have you already checked the e-mails?" Buck shouted from the kitchen table.

He was currently on his laptop while you were getting ready for dinner at Eddie's house. You haven’t seen him and Chris for a few days now and Buck already told you how Eddie would tell him the whole time about how much Chris misses you.

"I haven’t. Is there anything in for me?" You fixed the clothes you were wearing and came down the stairs. You both shared your mail app on the laptop.

Buck looked up and admired you. You were breathtaking.

"Don‘t stare," you chuckled and slightly swatted his arm while passing him to get a glass of water.

"I can’t resist, darling. You‘re too beautiful you know that," he smiled and looked back at his laptop. "There‘s just this one here for you."

You got over to him and leaned against his side to look at the e-Mail. While you were reading it Buck started to play with your fingers. It was an invitation from one of your old classmates in college, people you didn’t really want to meet again in your life. It was not like you disliked them but you were at a whole different point in your life than you used to be in college.

"Just delete it," you told him while he still played with your fingers.

He looked up to you but your eyes were glued on the screen. "You sure?"

You sighed. "I don’t know if I want that, Buck."

Buck pulled you into his lap and you leaned your head against his shoulder. "It’s okay. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know that?" He tried to reassure you. You just nodded your head and didn’t say more.

At the same very evening, you told him you‘d decided to go to this party with your old classmates. He asked you if he should come with you but you told him he didn’t have to. Buck wasn’t feeling good about that, he was worried. He saw how unsure you were about going to this party earlier that day. He didn’t say anything more but he knew he would go with you anyways. He didn’t want to let you go there alone.

Two days later he was standing in the hallway, waiting for you. He hasn’t told you yet that he was going with you but you already assumed it would lead to it. And you didn’t mind, instead, you were happy that he didn’t listen to you this time. He smiled at you when you came down the stairs, looking beautiful like always.

"What are you doing?" You asked him after you took his hand, which he had extended to you.

He smiled at you. "I‘m going with you to that college party."

You smiled back at him and kissed his cheek. "I love you so much."

He held your hand the entire time while you walked down to his jeep. The car drive was quiet but nothing you or Buck had to be worried about. Once you got into the location you were greeted by two of your old roommates that were already a bit tipsy from the alcohol. They offered you and Buck a glass but you both declined. You were not in the exact mood to drink and Buck had to drive.

Both girls were already swooning over Buck and asked you many questions about him. Who he was, how you met and if you‘re together. Once they discovered the ring you were wearing, they hugged you happily. And maybe they let out a few screams. You laughed at their reactions. Buck in the meanwhile was watching you from a few feet away. It already has been two hours since you two were there and he was happy to see you feeling more comfortable than you used to be in the beginning.

A guy came up to him, smelling like alcohol but only because someone else threw a glass on him on accident. "How di’ you do it mate?"

"What do you mean?" Buck was confused.

The guy nodded in your direction, in that exact moment you were talking to the two girls from earlier. "Them. How did you get them out of their zone? D‘you have superpowers or somethin‘." He laughed but Buck didn’t know what he meant.

The guy noticed the confused look on Buck's face and sighed. "The whole time in college I tried to gain the attention of Y/N but nothing. Nothing ever happened. I mean… Look at them. They‘re fuckin‘ hot as ever and all the things you‘re able to do with them. Things no one ever had the chance to do in college, man. Even the others had no chance. The guys call you the superhero, bro. You‘re a legend for having them in your bed."

Buck slowly nodded his head and looked back at you. He now questioned why you chose him if you apparently could have anyone. Sure, he knew your whole story but how did he get to be the lucky one and get to experience the love you had within you? But on the other hand, the words of this disgusting guy next to him made him stiffen his body and Buck got angry about how this guy talked about you.

"Kind of disappointing that I‘m not the lucky one and chose you instead though. They‘re probably so good in bed, huh? Wish I could have the chance to experience tha-" The guy mentioned and immediately held up his hands after Buck quickly looked at him, not pleased, "Hey come on, man! I was just joking." He didn’t even finish his first sentence.

Buck knew it wasn’t just some sort of joke but he didn’t want to cause any drama and let this guy go back to his friends. Now it was Buck who didn’t feel very comfortable, knowing he probably has the attention of all the guys that were standing a few meters away from him.

A few moments later you approached him with a big smile but that quickly vanished once you noticed his stiffness and stern look on his face.

"Babe, is something wrong?" You carefully caressed his cheek and looked at him. You were worried.

"Don’t worry about me, enjoy your time, love."

You shook your head. "I wanted to go home anyways but what happened? Did someone say something to you?"

His eyes wandered to some of the guys that were standing at the bar and you knew who they were and sighed. You took his hand and were ready to leave.

"Ignore them. They’re assholes. In college, they wanted to get in bed with everyone including me. But I never gave them any attention and they despised that," you mentioned.

"Hey Y/N!" One of the guys called over and waved at you. Which caused you to roll your eyes.

Even after all these years, they were still behaving like children. They never grow up and you don’t want to know how many people they tried to hook up with.

"One of them still wants you."

You quickly looked over to the guys that were still kind of looking over to you and Buck. "Let me guess.. A bit taller than you? Brown eyes and a buzz cut that looks weird on him?" You looked back to your boyfriend and disgust was written in your face.

Buck nodded his head. "Yeah. He told me about the fantasies he has about you." He looked angrily to him.

"That‘s Connor. The biggest jerk I‘ve ever met," you took his hand, "Let‘s get out of here. I can’t fucking stand them. They’re still as horrible as they used to be." You walked out with him.

You still held his hand while you were walking over the Bucks jeep. "Back in college they always tried to get me in bed, after a while they started to place bets on who would be the first one to win me over," you sighed, "Especially Connor."

Buck sighed and nodded his head and went in to hug you after you got to his jeep. You immediately hugged him back and kissed his cheek. Both of his arms were strongly around you, signaling he really needs this hug in that moment. After a few moments, he let go of you.

"Let‘s get away from here." You both said at the same time and ended up chuckling.

You both got into Bucks jeep and immediately drove home. Back home you both changed into your pajamas and got into your bed. You both didn’t talk about the encounter again but it didn’t leave Buck's mind at all. Even after you already fell asleep, he was still wide awake. Connor's words didn’t leave his thoughts. Buck was thinking about why you chose him. Out of all the people that live on earth, why him? How was he the luckiest person to have you?

It was already 3 am and Buck was still wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t even realize it started thundering. He only did when you cuddled into his arms - you always did that while thunderstorms because you felt the safest in his arms.

"Buck…?" You mumbled, still sleepy, "Why are you awake?" You yawned.

He kissed the side of your head while you snuggled into him even more. "I‘m fine don’t worry about me. Go back to sleep, babe." He whispered, hoping you‘d fall asleep again.

"Something is on your mind. I can tell," you noticed the sternness in his voice even when you were sleepy. That only awakened you more.

He sighed and put his arms around you. "I‘m just thinking about some unnecessary things."

"Nothing is unnecessary. Tell me what‘s on your mind. Is it still from the party?"

Buck shook his head, "Not really. I just.." He hesitated, "Wanted to ask you something."

You turned around to turn on the lamp on your nightstand, "What is it?" You looked at him, the light wasn’t very bright but you still were able to see his thoughtful face.

"Why me?"

You raised your eyebrows. "What do you mean, Buck?"

He looked into your eyes. "Why did you choose me? Out of all the people, why me? Am I that special?" Buck was feeling insecure.

You snuggled up to him again and kissed his arm. "Because it was my heart that chose you above everyone else." You intertwined your fingers.

"I love you, Buck. I fell in love with the person you are. The first time we met at Athena's place and the very moment you looked over to me with your wonderful smile I just knew I had to get to know you," You smiled at him which he returned, "I guess I just knew you would mean a lot to me and you absolutely do. I‘ve never felt so comfortable and seen like I do with you. Getting to know you and slowly building a friendship and not realizing that I was falling for you created the relationship we have today and will have in the future. I couldn’t be happier. You understood me, no one ever did that before and you were always there for me, Buck. My heart is completely filled with you and will always be yours. I don’t care about what anyone else ever said about you or will say, you‘ll always have my heart in your hands."

Buck had tears in his eyes and pulled you to him to kiss you deeply. You kissed him back and smiled against his lips. His hands were on your cheeks and he kissed you multiple times.

"You‘re perfect, did I ever tell you that?" He looked into your eyes again, his hands were still on your cheeks.

You pretended to think about it but smirked. "Hmm… Only a few times?"

He chuckled and kissed you again. You both got back into a comfortable position and snuggled against each other.

"I just noticed that I never thanked Eddie for basically dragging me to the dinner at Athena’s place." You whispered after a few minutes and chuckled, "We should do that. Without him, I probably would have never met the love of my life."

Buck chuckled and kissed the side of your head. "We definitely should thank him. Guess he‘s the best accidental matchmaker to exist."

You giggled and instead of sleeping Buck and you ended up talking a bit more until you happily fell asleep in each other’s arms.

He truly was your safe place and you were his. It were you and him against the world.

[hunnymisworld]

How Haikyuu Characters would respond to you:

When you ask them for help in making the homework.

SFW | Fluff | Crack | Short AU

N E K O M A VER.

[ READ ME FIRST ]

C O N T E X T: You are a 1st year transfer student in Nekoma HIgh and you've already adjusted to your new environment as well as the new people you met whom you made friends with. You were having a hard time with a homework and decided to ask for help in your fellow classmates/seniors.

KUROO TETSURO

INTIMIDATING (he's smart and he's the captain of the vball team - WBK)

You hesitate to approach him because of his usual sly/serious facial expression.

He noticed you were trying to approach him so to your surprise he approached you instead.

"Hi Y/n, i see you've been looking at me and hesistating about something, is there something i can help you with?"

You shyly told him that you were struggling with chemistry homework and he didn't think twice in helping you.

"Sure! Here, let me see. I'll read it first then i'll explain it to you."

You see him nodding and humming as he scan through the pages of your notebook.

Believe it or not WITHIN 5 MINS. he suddenly closed the notebook and said "Alright, i see what your homework is about. Sit here beside me, i'll show you" while showing you a wide warm smile.

Mans a VISUAL LEARNER (he asked if it was okay for him to write on the back of your notebook - ofc you said yes)

He draws and writes things on the back of your note book and literally creates a framework guide for you to understand the concept of the lesson.

"Do you understand it better now?" (he won't mind to go over it again)

You easily understood what he taught you and you were amazed by how this man just made it easy like that. (Yes, effortlessly like that)

You thanked him and offered something to give him but he stopped you from there.

"No need y/n, I'm glad i was able to help you. Really, i mean it. You don't have to give anything" (but if you insist, i bet you he would agree eating ice cream with you after class - he ofc brings Kenma with him)

"If you're struggling with any homework, you can ask me or ask kenma. No worries, glad to be of help."

YOU ACED THE HOMEWORK!

KENMA KOZUME

Didn't notice you at first cause he's busy playing video games.

"Oh Y/n, sorry i was kinda busy- what can i do for you?"

He's just sitting there looking up at you, gameboy in hand.

When you told him you were gonna ask for help with regards to the homework (he tried to hide it but he was flustered & flattered that you thought he was THAT good that you asked him for help yourself) he just nodded and offered to take a look at your notebook.

He silently scanned through the pages and after a while he explained the concept to you.

The way he explained it was so detailed that you felt like your brain was overwhlemed with the information but at the same time you learned a lot from him.

"Do you understand the concept now? If not i can send you a file with a complete guide in it. I made it myself, if you need any other notes you can tell me." (he really made NOTES everytime he and kuroo studied cause he doesn't wanna ask kuroo again - best believe this man has COMPLETE notes)

He showed a small smile when you thanked him and you offered to buy him ice cream but he suggested another idea instead "An apple pie would great though, but you don't really have to give me anything. It's alright y/n"

You insisted - you ended up eating apple pie with kenma and he tagged Kuroo along (Kuroo is eating ice cream)

YOU ACED!!!

When you checked your notifications when you got home, he literally ended up sending you ALL OF HIS NOTES. He attached a message saying:

" You're welcome :)"

LEV HAIBA

You didn't have a hard time approaching him, he was approachable - But he was dumbfounded when you asked him about the homework.

"Huh?"

MANS WAS CLUELESS

"What homework?"

You were standing in front of him, (looking up - bc he was TALL) with a blank emotion in your face T.T (you thought to yourself: wDYM YOU DON'T KNOW THERE'S A HOMEWORK?!??!)

You were just in awe that he was clueless standing there (your jaw almost hit the floor) T.T

After a while of him trying to remember the homework, he was SHOCKED "RIGHT! THAT HOMEWORK!"

Asks you how to do it instead T.T

He suggested you both go to Kuroo to get help (HE REALLY SAID SOS T.T)

You both were tutored by Kuroo and both got PERFECT SCORES!! ^^

After that you became chaotic besties fr!! <3

MORISUKE YAKU

You were greeted by him with a warm smile as you approach closer.

"Hey Y/n! How are you?" (a warm ball of sunshine fr)

"I see, alright here let me see that" (HE DIDN'T THINK TWICE)

He scanned through it and let you sit beside him as he was trying to figure out at which part were you having a hard time. (He does not mind if he would go over it all again for a number of times - he would understand)

He explained the concept to you in its simplest form and you thanked him after.

He offered to get ice cream after (HE INSISTED TO PAY FOR IT)

You were flustered, you thought you were the one to buy him ice cream (he disagreed and pain immediately so that you won't pay for it)

P R I N C E S S T R E A T M E N T/?!?!?!

"I noticed you were getting anxious so i offered to eat ice cream to calm your nerves down. Cheer up y/n, you'll get through your 1st year smoothly. If you're having difficulties just message me or tell me okay?"

WORDS OFFF AFFIRMATION?????? COMFORT KING??

Pls he is so caring and a type that would know how to comfort you.

Yes, he offered to be you tutor too (FOR FREE!!!!!!!)

YOU ACED THE HOMEWORK (at this point you can graduate with flying colors bc of how good this man is in mentoring you)

E N D

note: part 2??

[cafeinthemoon]

It's a Fire - Chapter I

Chapter 1

Wordcount 3,5k

Title Retired Hashira

Fandom Kimetsu no Yaiba / Demon Slayer

Symbols ⭕ ➕ 🖤

Warnings: arranged marriage; age gap; mentions of increasing in criminality and poverty; grieving; non diagnosed depression (the condition wasn't properly understood by the time this story is settled)

Tagging ? (If you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just leave a comment on this chapter or send an ask or a message)

N.A.: So Kimetsu no Yaiba returned and I'm taking the opportunity to finally start posting this story that has been in my list of ideas for several months!

A while ago I made a poll where I included the option of writing a fic with the Rengoku family, and it was this one I was talking about. I know there are other stories I need to work on already, but let me tell you that this very fic just saved me from a creative block, which was caused by what I suspect to be the beginning of a burnout (I'm about to go on vacation and I just can't take it anymore, but I don't want to discuss this rn).

A few words about the ff itself: It's a slow burn, arranged marriage story between reader, who's 27/28 yo, which makes her closer to myself who's a bit older than this, and Shinjuro Rengoku, who's struggling with the same problems we see in canon, but somehow accepts her as his wife: she was the daughter of old acquaintances of his, so the marital contract is sealed to allegedly honor the friendship between the families. However, things are way more complicated in reality.

Of course, because of the things we see in the original media, such as violence, alcoholism and etc., I need to make it clear that my personal opinions on these subjects may diverge from what I'm putting in this story (due to personal family experiences), and each chapter will carry the necessary warnings. Also if you notice similarities with Beauty and the Beast, know that it isn't just a coincidence haha Finally, the title is a song by Portishead, which didn't influence my writing but its lyrics somehow fit this plot 🌹

I hope you have a good time reading this ❤

“You walk a lonely road 

Oh, how far you are from home” 

(Enya, May it Be) 

That fate didn’t care about your preferences and desires, you knew well. 

You wished you had your mother with you for long years, and that your relationship grew stronger as you spent your time together, dedicating yourselves to the art of the sword, but most of her time and energy were directed to her work as a member of the Demon Slayer Corps, and it was like this until the day you received a messenger from Ubuyashiki-sama to inform you about her death: she didn’t fall to the Oni, but couldn’t resist the injuries from a battle against a group of them. 

You also wished your father, after losing the woman he claimed to love, stood up to his remaining family, that is, himself and you, and took reasonable measures to protect his territory and the people who lived in it, but he preferred to lock himself in his office and ignore the demands outside it, firing half of the house’s servants for the sake of saving money and willing to leave the property to the dust and the insects, not seeing this happening thanks to you, who took the task of maintaining everything by yourself, even doing some of the physical work. 

There were, in fact, many other things you wished for, but didn’t have the chance to see them coming true. One of those other things were continuing to live in the house you grew up in, and using your education to dedicate your life to a career of your choice, though your options seemed limited by your sex. But even this was taken from you when, on an ordinary day, you saw your father leaving his office in the company of a man you’ve never seen in your life. You wanted to question him about this strange visit, but you didn’t have to: your father came to your chambers later, and without measuring his tone or giving you time to process such news, explained the meeting’s main subject. 

– I’ve recently contacted an old acquaintance of mine, someone who was also known by your mother – he started – And explained our situation here. 

You knew what he was talking about: after your mother passed away, your lands’ protection has been neglected, and appearances of demons have been reported more often by your servants and the people who live in the villages near. No one dared leaving their houses at night, and the local economy were deeply affected by this, since part of the basic work used to be done in this period of the day; this led to an increase in poverty and criminality. You, on your part, weren’t immune to these difficulties despite growing up in a privileged family. 

Your father addressing this situation to you, however, was something new, and you exposed this impression to him. 

– Things are getting harder for everyone here, that’s true – you agreed – But why are you discussing this with me now? 

– Because I asked this acquaintance for help, and he answered me – he took slow steps toward your window, half opened by that time; he closed it with firm hands, but without making much noise – The thing is that, at the same time our lands are now dangerous to people, specially to young women like you, it’s time for you to take the next big step in your personal life, daughter. After all, you’re almost twenty-eight. 

You frowned. 

Next big step? What is he talking about?… 

Your father might have noticed your confusion, because he soon clarified his words… and you wished he never did it. 

– I’m talking about marriage, y/n – he spat – You declined the last two proposals, and I respect your reasons for that, but this time the circumstances aren’t in our favor. This man who visited me earlier is a messenger from the Rengoku House, and he brought me a positive answer from their head: I offered your hand and a good dowry in exchange for your protection, and in respect to your mother, who worked for the same cause as him, Shinjuro Rengoku accepted you as his wife. You’re leaving the house this week. 

You were speechless. You tried to stand up and show a sign of protest, but your legs didn’t obey you; you opened your mouth to say something, but no word left it. You knew your father have been struggling, but you could never suppose he was becoming insane – arranging a marriage for you without your consent? Other men used to do this to their daughters, but the man who married your mother would never… But, apparently, he was no longer this man. 

Maybe he was expecting some disagreement, but seeing your silence made him frown. 

– Don’t you have anything to say about this? 

You finally seemed to wake up. You gave him a dead glare, murmuring your response. 

– And what do you expect a woman to say after being sold and sent away from her own house out of nowhere? – you moved your head to the side, irony leaking from the gesture – Thank you? 

Your father clenched his jaw. 

– I certainly don’t expect your gratitude – his voice was lower now – I know this isn’t the future you wanted for yourself, and I didn’t want things to be like this either, but… 

– Why marriage, father? – your tongue was released, interrupting his thread of thoughts like a storm – I could stay temporarily with them, work for them, anything! But marrying someone I’ve never met?! Don’t you remember that I’ve declined the other proposals after at least seeing the faces of those men? 

– You’ll meet him on the wedding day, and you’ll have all the time of the world to know anything there is to know about him – his tone was louder again, as his patience was running low – Besides, Shinjuro is an old friend of mine. I give you my word that he’s a decent man, besides being a formidable warrior. He was married to a respectable woman once, and built a good family with her. I trust him, and so did your mother. No problems should be expected from his part, so the same must be expected from you. 

Shinjuro. It was only the second time you’ve heard that name from your father’s mouth, and you didn’t know what to think. In fact, you’ve learned from your mother that among the Demon Slayer Corps there was an elite group known as the Hashira, and one of them was Shinjuro, the Hashira of the Flames. He was the current head of the Rengoku family, but personal struggles – including the death of his wife – forced him to a retirement despite his capacity as a warrior, so that his eldest son, Kyojuro, took his place. However, you also heard that this young man was dead, so it was impossible to tell how things were going for his family members now. And that was the environment your father was willing to throw you into, even spending money in the process. 

You sighed. 

– Father, when was the last time you’ve met this man? I don’t remember you talking about him – you crossed your arms – I’m only familiar with his name thanks to mother, but now you’re telling me that he’s an old friend of yours. How old is he, exactly? 

– Not as old as me, of course – his reply came with a mixture of embarrassment and indignation – I can’t believe that, of all the things involved in this arrangement, this is what concerns you more! 

You scoffed. 

– I’m not that futile, but if he’s old enough to have a son capable of replacing him in the battlefield, I think I have the right to be concerned! – you took a step toward him – If I have no choice, I want to know exactly where I’m getting into. Can’t you even make such a small concession to me, father? 

No, he couldn’t, and you soon realized that. 

Your father decided the conversation was over. He returned to the room’s door and opened it. 

– It is decided, already – and, with a sort of sadness in his eyes – I’m doing what I think it’s best for my daughter. I only wanted her to trust me, at least for once. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. 

– I wanted this too, father. But you’re making it too difficult for your daughter. 

He stared at you for a moment, then left without any word. 

*** 

Things really happened the way you feared, in the path your father stated they would follow. He said that, but until the end he kept acting like he had no control over the flow of events, in a frail attempt to soothe his own conscience that only served to unnerve you, and not even seeing the disappointment in his daughter’s eyes each time he looked at you was enough for him to leave this pretense aside. Had he no shame anymore? 

During that fateful week, you avoided his company, leaving the burden of communication to the remaining servants and only speaking to him when utterly necessary. What was left for you to talk about when, as he said, everything was decided, and when you had nothing but sadness for him — for him, the adversities he’s been through and for the way he chose to behave in face of them? It was useless to argue on this, and whether you liked it or not, you had little time to put everything in order and couldn’t have the luxury of wasting it: would it be worthy to cause a delay in the arrangements under the risk of leaving a bad impression in your future spouse, even when he was someone you’ve never saw before? 

You sighed at the thought. 

And, as if I hadn’t enough things to worry about, I still have to consider this. 

In fact, you didn’t want to take much stuff from that house with you at the same time you didn’t want to cause any difficulties to the servants, who have already seen their load increase the last months, so you were quick to select essential items and packing them with the help of a maid, from your clothes to the gifts brought by your mother, and instruct her about what to do with the other things: some of them you gave to her, knowing that she had a daughter who was younger than you and who’d appreciate your charity, and the others, such as the furniture, should be sent to the villagers, for you wanted your things to be with people who would make good use of them instead of letting them rot in a place to where you’d never come back. 

Among all of this, the last object you packed was the only thing you made a point about carrying by yourself, and the only thing you didn’t trust anyone to pack but yourself: the sword of your mother, which was sent to your house by Ubuyashiki-sama and now belonged to you. Your mother has been teaching you lessons since you were a teenager, but she hasn’t lived long enough to see if you were going to develop your own Breath; well, until that day you haven’t, but you’ve never stopped practicing even under your father’s disapproval. You didn’t know what you would find once you stepped into your husband’s house, but you wouldn’t want to depend on his protection on everything; besides, having a wife who knew how to wield a sword must be an advantage, right? 

The train of thoughts, feelings and concerns was such that you were robbed from sleep the night before the ceremony. You knew women who had their marriages arranged as well, but you never got to talk to them about it; you had no idea of how you were supposed to feel, or how you were supposed to see the whole thing. How one should feel when they saw themselves trapped in a situation from which they couldn’t get out? Without having answers, you just relied on the feeling that seemed reasonable to you, that is, utter fear. 

The next morning came silent and inexorable, just as the ones before it, and you saw yourself leaving your bed and taking care of your duties without putting your thoughts on them. It was only your body working by itself, saving your soul from the burden of being conscious, or perhaps you were just accepting your fate after a night of tears and rage. 

Having dismissed the maid’s help, you bathed and dressed alone, and left the house where the most important moments of your life took place without one last look. To be fair, your eyes were so sore and tired that they barely registered the appearance of the weather while you walked to the carriage, but you guessed it was a warm, sunny day, though not enough for you to get sweaty. Your father was already in the carriage’s interior; you took the seat beside him with no signs of acknowledging his presence. 

The coachman shook the reins and yelled something to the horse, and the crack of the wooden wheels was heard as the vehicle moved along the road. 

*** 

The ceremony took place in a building in the city of (…), near your father’s property, which served as the head office of a group of law professionals, including the man responsible for your marital contract. 

You wouldn’t call it a ceremony, really: it was more of a sequence of bureaucratic procedures than a social event with the purpose of uniting two families; a mere formality to allow you to move to a man’s house without ruining your reputation. It was quick, direct and cold like a financial operation, and the people involved seemed to make sure it looked like this. 

Your father led you to a sequence of stairs and then through a narrow corridor, until he stopped in front of a door and opened it, entering the room and inciting you to follow him. You did it, and found out you weren’t the first to arrive: the officiant was already in his position, behind a table upon which you saw an open book; at its right, there was a small inkwell and a feather; around him, two officers which function you couldn’t guess and couldn’t care about. And, finally, in front of the table and observing your arrival with a stern glare, the man who was about to become your husband. 

Whatever you were expecting to see, Shinjuro was nothing like you might have imagined, except for the fact that he was younger than you supposed – and, indeed, younger than your father – and stole the attentions among all those men despite the quiet, composed manners. Well, he would do it in any place he’d step in, for his appearance was extravagant, to say the least: on his severe face he carried a pair of orange eyes under two thick, black eyebrows, a wild trait that made you think of a lion; framing his expression and matching his eyes, he had thick, blond hair that decreased to red on its edges, spreading over his shoulders. And, as if his looks weren’t enough to draw the whole room’s attention, he was dressed in sober, dark clothing, more like someone attending a western funeral than a wedding. 

As you walked to the center of the room, led by your father, and took the spot beside Shinjuro, you felt your skin burning in discomfort under his merciless eyes. You breathed deep and, when he nodded to acknowledge you two, you made an effort to greet him, as well as the other men. 

I knew he wasn’t the same person my father claimed to know. He stated that he was good and trustful, but everything in this man screams danger. What kind of hell I’m getting into… 

The officiant announced the beginning of the ceremony, and you turned to him in silence. After a few, composed words to the new couple, he gave you both clear instructions on where to sign your names, and you did as he said, Shinjuro first, then you; you glanced at his hand offering you the feather and took it in a second, taking care your hand didn’t touch his. You tried not to think of your gestures as you wetted its tip on the ink, but a tremble reached your wrist the instant you approached the feather from the paper. 

So… That’s it. I write my name in a book and enter a path from where I can’t go back. 

The realization was too much to bear and time was passing, so you bit your inner cheek to prevent your mind to entertain the thought and scribbled your name at once. When you moved the feather away and put it back on the inkwell, your hand acted by itself, and your arm gone numb once you recoiled it to your side. 

Your mouth was dry, and a hole seemed to have taken the place of your heart. You barely noticed when the officiant and the other witnesses analyzed your signatures and approved them, bringing the ceremony to an end. You refused to believe all of that was real until the man announced you were free to go, and both Shinjuro and you turned away, preparing to leave. He didn’t bat an eye at you while doing so. 

The head of the Rengoku family stopped to exchange some words with your father. You were close enough to hear the conversation, but didn’t want to pay attention; you just wanted to leave this place, even though you weren’t going to a familiar one after it. 

You only understood their conversation was over when you heard your father’s voice calling your name. You turned to him and your stomach curled in disgust when you saw the pleading smile on his face, the only thing that reminded you of home and now a sign of everything you lost. You’ve never felt so alone. 

Later, you’d try to remember his exact words for you at that moment, but you’d find yourself unable to do it. Maybe it was a formal wish of good luck or something. The only thing you remembered was your reaction: you stared at him for a few seconds, then, without a word, you turned your face away, walking toward the door. You knew your husband was observing, but his approval was the least of your preoccupations now. 

*** 

Little was recalled by you from the travel to the Rengoku house, except that it was silent, even calm period. The only abnormality was caused by you: unlike your other belongings, who were sent in another vehicle ahead under the supervision of a servant, you decided you were going to carried your sword with you in the carriage, to everyone’s surprise and your father’s discontentment. 

That occasion was also when Shinjuro spoke to you for the first time. 

— Why are you doing this? 

The question, made when you were already in the carriage, was direct but not devoid of politeness, so you granted him an honest answer. 

— This sword once belonged to my mother, and now it is mine. If my father had his way, I’d never carry it with me, but I refuse to leave it behind — and, glancing at him, — I couldn’t risk him checking my things and subtracting it from them without my consent. 

Shinjuro only murmured an “I see” in response, and the conversation died there. 

You were beside the carriage’s window and might have slept to the warmth of the sun and the constant noise of the wheels in movement, but you weren’t sure if you did. As your body was now avoiding visible reactions, your spirit was suppressing the emotional rush for your own good, since no advantage would come from a breakdown in the middle of the road, right in front of your new spouse who, just like you, didn’t seem all pleased with the whole thing: sure, he didn’t show visible discontentment whether with your appearance or your manners, but you’ve been dealing with middle aged men for too long to sense when they were seeing something they didn’t find appropriate; and, in the present case, it was clear to you that Shinjuro already formed his opinion: to him, you were a stubborn, spoiled brat who didn’t have her way and was decided to make it everyone else’s problem. Yes, the idea of acting like that wandered through your mind for a while, but you thought you were better than this, and opted for a balance between bitterness and decency, not wearing plain clothing and displaying rude manners, but also not being extravagant in anything; still, you couldn’t convince the man of your good nature, and he let it clear with the inquiring about the sword, so now you completely gave up on seeking his favor. 

You were just waiting for the travel to end. 

Chapter 2