#just yell into the void and leave me alone
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actual-changeling · 1 year ago
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the fact that i even have to say this is fucking wild to me but here we are.
i try to approach everyone here with a baseline of kindness, and it does not matter to me if they share every single one of my views or none of them (excluding, of course, any sort of bigotry, but that should be a given).
if a person's posts annoy me or make me upset for some reason, i block them. it's that simple, no hard feelings, i simply like to curate my dash because i come here to have fun and enjoy myself.
likewise, i really, really do not care if people block me in turn. curate your own internet experience! i won't be upset or hurt unless we were previously mutuals or smth like that, and even then—i get it.
however.
if you behave like a schoolyard bully and are incapable of not publicly insulting people i will treat you like the fucking clown you are. just block me, it's that simple. be in your own corner and i will be in mine—don't come and harass me.
don't be an immature asshole.
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kideternity · 17 days ago
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There’s something really fascinating about the fact that one of the major themes that keeps appearing in Amazon is that of like, xenophobia? Like xenophobia against Amazon? Amazon is often persecuted and mistreated by the people he's trying to protect just because he looks and acts “strange”. He was attacked by a group of men who tried to kill him because they thought of him to be a murderer, he was later arrested by the police and then hounded by paparazzi for being “weird” or “suspicious”, A scientist learns of him and gets the idea he should literally study amazon- treat him as a specimen to be dissected then as a real person- he’s later harassed and literally restrained by another mob of people all because some random lady thought him simply playing with her son was something Nefarious / lead to something nefarious. Even Ritsuko, one of the major supporting characters, has a major part of her character be about overcoming her negative assumptions and thoughts about Amazon (There’s one episode, though i'm unsure if the subs cross over to all versions, where she literally tells him to Leave Japan and go back to the Amazon Jungle because he’s the reason all of the trouble came to Japan in the first place. Sounds awfully familiar to certain talking points, doesn’t it)
All of this occurs simply because Amazon does not fit into the ideal of the average Japanese citizen. He wears little clothing, he acts very erratically and energetically, and most imperatively of all he has a language barrier in that he can't communicate like speak Japanese fluently. Amazon is not in anyway a bad or dangerous person, but due to the culture/environment he was raised in and how that differs to what people expect as the norm, he’s more likely to be perceived as a threat.
I can not confidently say this was intentionally built into the show, but considering the innately political nature of Kamen Rider, at least Showa era Rider, I would be inclined to believe it’s more likely than not that Amazon's persecution by others is meant to at least tie in some way to a commentary about the deeply harmful nature of xenophobia. It makes Amazon's feelings, as well as his choice to still choose to care for others and to help them, a lot more impactful + heart wrenching for me personally. He’s literally just trying his best and so many people hate him. Cut the guy some fucking slack.
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crossbackpoke-check · 2 months ago
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Looks like that video is about a month & a half after The Trade and trevors broken ankle 😣
re: this video… anon 😭 i had suspicions but it is so much worse to have them confirmed that really was like. trevor’s first Public Appearance without jamie AND post-broken ankle which is traumatic in and of itself no wonder every beat reporter was like ‘oh yeah trevor’s just devastated’
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wouldn’t you be miserable too if your best friend just got traded and your body betrayed you and what if it was maybe all your fault!!!
#bestie thank you so much for fact-checking me 🙏🙏🥰🥰 i love when y’all come in my inbox & answer the questions i yell into the void of my tag#we are Suffering about trevor TOGETHER in this house. if i scrolled all the way to the bottom of my drafts i think i could find even more#heartbreaking content from before The Trade but we don’t need to suffer that much otherwise the penguin cup of tea is really irish coffee#confirms ALL of my theories about miserable trevor leaning into mason for comfort because in some universes that’s THEIR boyfriend who left#liv in the replies#trevor zegras#mason mctavish#need to go lay on the floor about this one folks. do you think trevor said he would only do it if mason came if he could sit next to mason#right at the end where people were rushing out not stopping to talk tired by the end of the line and not even thinking just to guarantee he#wouldn’t get asked anything because he still has a hard time believing it’s real he keeps thinking jamie’ll be there especially w/his ankle#i’m sure he doesn’t have a great time with stairs so he probably will nap on the couch sometimes and that moment right when he first wakes#up to the bang of the door and he doesn’t quite know he’s awake yet and he thinks it’s jamie coming in? heartbreaker right there bud. sorry#ALSO because I can’t say it and leave it alone I almost put that last bit strictly in the tags but like. there’s gotta be some part of#trevor that knows it’s nothing to do with him but still naïvely believes that if he’d maybe been there if he hadn’t been injured things#could have worked out differently if he’d been there and it’s his fault his ankle broke and do you remember all the interviews jamie gave#about how you never think you’ll be traded and how strange it is to be moving and now i need you to take that naïveté times 1000 for trevor#who of course he never even pictures jamie leaving they were building the core together!!! why would they ever get rid of him!! and if only#trevor had been there to show how important jamie was. what would he have done? literally nothing but that does not stop the emotional guil#from enveloping trevor like a rain cloud and making him sit in mason’s apartment with ice cream bowl in hand. holistic treatment l
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my-mom-named-me-duck · 8 days ago
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oh damn maybe I do got issues and my life isn't funny sad its just sad sad and I'm using humor to cope
nah I'm fine I've just maxed out my depressing relatable humor stat
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set-wingedwarrior · 1 year ago
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I fucking hate that ship and everyone who ships it
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ionianwanderer · 1 year ago
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Since we're talking about it--
Yasuo likes his privacy, mostly, especially coming up as an underdog and then getting thrown into the limelight. It's something he never got used to. So for example, his PR team pulling him aside for dating certain people throws him into a rage like no other. Because that's no one's buisness but his OWN so the fact there are people out there commenting on his relationships-- bro please the guy just want to chill with his partner. He tries to keep to himself and anyone who really disturbs that is on his shit list fr.
But... I will say there is a point he starts feeding into ridiculous shit. Like people speculating who he's really dating so he ends up posting the most suspect shit about everyone he interacts with to get everyone off his ass. It's a spectacle because he never elaborates on it.
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anachronistic-falsehood · 6 days ago
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decorating the tree w my parents 2nite and also drinking. good time 👍 also it’s fucking SNOWING and im so nervous to drive back home tomorrow and iam convinced i will crash and die badly but yk such is life
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actual-changeling · 11 months ago
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whenever me and my therapist talk about how other people perceive me she always says there's nothing negative, only that i come across as "distanced and slightly cold" (hard to translate the german term but it's not negative) which okay anna sure, if i am so nice then why did 99% of the people who interacted with me ended up contributing to my trauma???
like of course i'm fucking distanced and cold now, i don't want anyone to do that shit to me again. everyone wanted me to be like this so i would stop bothering them, so they could try to forget about my horrible existence that was so unbearable it made them try to erase it.
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snekdood · 1 year ago
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ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...
#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around??#ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest-#to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there#ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you#i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do#that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh!#ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices#and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard#and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child#sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation#like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal#or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal#and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that#even mattered#so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho#ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol#but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped#but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am?#idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from#everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro#or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there#ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really
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2tarbell · 3 months ago
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can i just say that i love you?! you write trailerpark!rafe so well and i’ve waited so long to find a writer that created a work solely based on him! my obsession with trailerpark!rafe literally came from that short film drew did with rudy 😭😭
anyways i saw that you were looking for blurb ideas and honestly i can’t get trailerpark!rafe and reader doing cute domestic things together like going to the grocery store, washing the truck together, and maybe us seeing how rafe asked reader to move in with him and seeing his reaction to her adding her sweet touches to the place and making the trailer more homey for them.
thank u my love :C ur so sweet and i appreciate the message!!!! wrote something a little small just detailing rafe’s feelings about domestic stuff 💝 ENJOY!!!!
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TRAILERPARK!RAFE who loves how reader has become his life.
he had watched her grow up beside him, neither family abundantly rich. but her chalk drawings of butterflies and hearts stretched along the path of her family home — the colors and softness always enraptured rafe, as well as the furrow of her brow when she yelled at him for killing some little bug. then she turned from a little girl with dirt on her cheeks into a mature woman with curves and determination she definitely didn’t have before.
he was sixteen when he fell in with love her, with her soul.
so he asked her to move in with him on their six month anniversary, all bashful and unsure in the way only she could make him. he was nervous about asking her to just come over, yet alone move in with him in such a shitty little trailer; void of decoration and love. he had always wanted to be more for her, for them. this precious woman that wormed her way into his heart since the moment they met at twelve.
it was cute, the way he was avoiding looking as he drove. she could see his ears turning a bit red, his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. he’d been on edge the entire evening — shifty eyes and shaky hands so unlike the man she had come to know and love so dearly.
it all made sense when he spoke lowly, eyes still on the road ahead:
“so, uh... whaddaya— ahem… was thinkin’ ‘bout you maybe — uh — movin’ in?”
“you— you want me to?”
rafe couldn’t imagine anything better. so he nodded. and so did she.
the drive continued with her head on his shoulder, both biting back cheesy smiles at the next step they’d decided to take. rafe brought her hand to lips, pressing a long kiss to her knuckles — his fears of being not enough were washed away as his place eventually became their place.
there she was that very weekend, all tender and sweet and telling him where to put her stuff amongst his. he sees her in the furniture they picked, the flowers on the kitchen table, the pictures of them on the walls, in the very foundation of the trailer.
(then of course they fucked on every surface available, ‘christening’ the space.)
her hands soothing and gentle on his arms when he comes home to her. rafe never was good at being gentle like she is — he thinks loveliness lives in her bones as she kisses his cheek and mumbles something about dinner that she made him.
but it was the first night after they moved in together, he saw her in the bathroom preparing for bed and felt all air leave him. he can’t imagine a life without her in it. doesn’t want to even entertain the idea. the thought of a place without her burns in his mind — searing and almost painful. he can’t believe there was a time when she wasn’t his.
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petpenname · 8 months ago
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Heartache
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pairing: Ellie Williams [brother's best friend] x fem reader c.w. : smoking summary: you have had your eyes on your brother's best friend and band member forever, but you'd never think she would actually talk to you? a/n: this was a submission + I'll make more parts if it gets a good response!
The air in your room hangs heavy with humidity. A slight breeze from your open window blows through, fluttering your various posters and decor hanging on your walls. And over you, sprawled across your bed, flipping through social media, you were honestly bored out of your mind. Three weeks into summer and your closest friend was away for vacation, leaving you alone… and bored.
Cycling through your socials again you get fed up with the lack of entertainment and toss your phone on the floor with an exacerbated sigh. You lay on your bed, wondering what you should do to fill the void of dopamine when the sound of music begins to fill the house. A mixture of rock, indie, and midwest emo songs rang out from your garage, conveniently positioned directly under your room. 
Your brother's band got around to practicing, you assumed. You didn’t even realize your brother was home, he had gone out earlier this morning after your parents left for work. The music got louder and you suddenly had an idea of what you wanted to do, and it wasn't staying here and listening to your brother's shitty garage band. You gather your sketchbook, some pens, headphones, and a few other things into a bag, throw on a hoodie and a pair of shoes and head downstairs. You were headed to a river spot in the woods near your house. It was a commonly frequented spot by you, and your friends but not known to many. Perfect for a little seclusion and wading in cool water. 
You walk down stairs and almost instantly are hit with the strong earthy smell of smoke. You linger for a second and decide that your trip would be improved with a joint, hoping your brother would front you something, you enter the loud garage. 
Your brother and his band mates, all two of them, were unaware of your entrance. They were playing as loud as possible (maybe not as well as possible) but they were producing sound! Your brother slamming away on the drums while the guitarist, and bassist/singer were in their own worlds. 
“Hey!” you yell over the trio.
“HEY KAI!” You shout once more at your brother. Who, without skipping a beat or stopping, yells back.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” 
This got the attention of the other two band members who did stop upon seeing you standing there, amps silencing to white noise feedback. 
“Can I get a joint?” you ask.
“You got money for a joint?” Kai laughs.
“Can you just front me one?” you reply back flatly
“Why should I?” 
“If you give me one I wont tell mom you were smoking in the house again.” You counter. 
“It’s the garage so technically not the house and whatever you know they wont do anything”
“She can have one of mine?” a voice sparks up behind Kai, drawing your attention to the guitarist. A girl named Ellie. She and Kai had been longtime friends and bandmates. You barely knew anything about her other than she was in Kai’s grade, one above yours, but you knew her. You knew her eye color, her favorite flannel she wore a little too often. You knew she got a new guitar last year, and a fresh tattoo this year that shined under the garage light as she held up a joint in your direction.  
You also knew that this was one of the only times she had ever spoken to you. Not like you were around each other often but you almost felt like she would try to avoid you when she was over. Shocked, but with adrenaline pumping you took your chance, walking over to Ellie. She still had her guitar hanging around her, flannel sleeves rolled up, her hair was a bit disheveled from playing, strands falling out of her half up hair do.
She hands you the joint with a sideways smile, and her eyes glint a bit.
“Thanks, you’re so much nicer than my brother” you scoff, giving her a smile back. You turn to leave, flipping off Kai as you bound out the door, leaving the band members commotion in the garage. Not seeing Kai chuck a drumstick at Ellie who dodges it with a laugh. 
The success of getting a joint over shined the butterflies fluttering in your stomach from that look she gave you. The sun hit your face as you got outside and you were only looking forward to your solo date in the forest.
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The sun was setting slowly, but from where you were in the woods shade had taken over your spot. You had smoked, worked on your art, and walked along the water looking for rocks. Hanging out in the forest for a few hours always rejuvenated you in a way you couldn’t explain. But you started to get cold and decided now was a good time to head home. While packing up you realized you had pretty bad cotton mouth from the joint, so you planned to stop by the corner store. 
It wasn’t a long walk but by the time you got to the corner store it was dusk. Street lights started sparking up like stars in the night sky. You opened the glass door and walked in, perusing the aisles for any snack or drink that could satiate your munchies. You were contemplating between an iced tea or a soda when the doorbell rang as someone walked in the store. You barely noticed the bell, or the girl walking up behind you until she spoke.
“Did you enjoy your smoke?” 
You jump, previously lost in your thoughts, you turn around to see Ellie standing there. She was wearing a hoodie now, her guitar in its case strapped to her back.
“Oh my god you scared me!” you say, almost dropping the bottles in your hands.
“Sorry! Didn't mean to!” Ellie laughs, moving around you to open the fridge door next to you and grab a coke. “Funny running into you here” she says, a little awkward you note.
“I mean my house is only a few blocks away,” you laugh. 
“Mm ya i guess so, you getting both of those?” Ellie looks down at the bottles in your hand.
“Oh um, I'm getting this one.” you hold up the iced tea & go to put back the soda. Before you could think Ellie takes the iced tea from your hand and starts walking towards the front of the store.
“Hey wait!” you look at her confused.
“Oh do you want something else princess?” Ellie turns back to look at you with a smirk.
Sparks ignite in your stomach, confused but now flustered, your mind swirling. You finally get a word out, “no, just that” and Ellie turns back to walk towards the cash register. 
You follow her, not really knowing what to do or how to act. Ellie and you had barely spoken to each other before this. And now she's acting so casually around you, and what did she call you? Everything happened so fast you barely caught it but reflecting back now, did she call you princess?
Ellie pays for the two drinks and you walk out together, taking your ice tea from her once outside. 
“Thank you, you didn't have to do that” you say, unscrewing the top and taking a refreshing sip.
“Don't mention it” Ellie says, “So are you going back home now?”
“Mhm yeah, what about you?”
“Yeah I was, but it's getting dark now, i’ll walk you back home first” Ellie says with a smile. 
“Who said chivalry was dead” you joke, it was a nice gesture, as much as you were confused by Ellie’s sudden intentions you couldn’t help but feel a type of way when she looked at you. Her green eyes danced over your face like she was memorizing your features. You wondered if she always looked at you this way?
She had. Ellie for the past few years had been keeping such a distance from you because when you were around she felt her whole body tense up. She felt like she was on fire if you looked in her direction. And god help her if she tried to speak around you, she ended up tripping over her words and losing her train of thought. Truthfully, she didn't know what magical queer fairy blessed her with the confidence to talk to you today. But she had taken in a chance earlier in the garage, and when she saw you in the store she knew it wasn't a coincidence. 
The walk back to your house was short, only a few blocks. You and Ellie joke together and talk about summer plans in the meantime. Both of you slightly high still, making your balance shifty, occasionally you would brush shoulders, sending sparks down each other's spines. 
When you get to your house you stop at the walk way, a little awkwardly since you knew Ellie had been in your house before. 
“Thanks for walking me home! And buying me this, um and the joint '' you say, taking in all of Ellie’s courtesy today, a little unsure what to do with yourself.
“Any time!” Ellie says with a smile, she fidgets where she stands for a second before reaching her hand up to your face. She tucks a small strand of hair behind your ear, without breaking eye contact.
“Have a good night y/n” and with that she turns around and walks away, putting up her hood. 
She left you solidified on the sidewalk, body unmoving but nerves on fire with a simple touch. You float for the next hour or so, barely registering going into your house and up to your room. Trying to make sense of what had just happened, and why now? And why so suddenly?
Later that night you receive a notification on Instagram
* @www.ellie followed you *
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diamonddaze01 · 12 days ago
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[12:38 AM]
Pairing: bsk x f!reader | wc: 1.7k warnings: crying, reader is overworked! a/n: this was 100000% inspired by @tusswrites // lowkey i need seungkwan to yell at me when i overwork myself lmao
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You’re on your third hour in the library, hunched over your laptop and surrounded by a mountain of research articles, notes, and half-finished slides. The quiet hum of the fluorescent lights overhead, paired with the almost oppressive silence of the empty library, only serves to amplify the tension coiling inside you. Your gaze flickers to the clock on the laptop screen—12:38 AM. Tomorrow’s presentation looms over you like a storm cloud, the ticking clock counting down to when you’ll have to stand in front of your professor, exhausted and empty, and pray you can keep it together long enough to pass.
Beside you, Seungkwan shifts in his seat, his eyes darting between you and the neglected water bottle he placed by your laptop hours ago. He had insisted on accompanying you to the library after noticing you hadn’t stopped talking about this assignment all day—ever since you got it in the middle of class, you’d been laser-focused, muttering to yourself, planning out every detail. You could tell it worried him. He’d even made a quick run to grab snacks and water, placing them strategically in front of you, like little tokens of support. But in your mind, you don’t have time for snacks or breaks. There’s too much to get through, and the pressure is almost suffocating.
“Hey,” he murmurs, breaking the silence. “You haven’t touched any of the snacks I bought. At least have a few sips of water.”
You shake your head, not even glancing at him. “I’m fine. I need to focus.”
He frowns. “It’s been hours since you ate anything. And don’t think I didn’t notice you skipped lunch too.”
You sigh, fingers still flying over the keys. “Seungkwan, I don’t have time for this right now.”
He doesn’t back down, crossing his arms and leaning in closer. “You’re going to burn yourself out at this rate. Come on—just five minutes. I’ll time it for you.”
“Seungkwan,” you bite out, tension lacing your voice. “Please.”
He raises his hands in a gesture of surrender but doesn’t move, clearly unconvinced. Minutes pass, with him silently watching your every move, his concern palpable. You try to ignore him, hyper-focused on your screen, but his gaze feels heavy.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he speaks up again. “Look, I get that this is important. But you can’t push yourself like this. You’ll be completely drained by morning, and then how are you supposed to do your best?”
“Oh my god, Seungkwan,” you snap, hands freezing over the keyboard as you shoot him a glare. “Can you just… stop? This is important. I don’t need you hovering over me like some kind of health monitor!”
He blinks, clearly taken aback. Hurt flashes in his eyes, and he swallows before nodding. “Oh. Okay.” He stands up, quietly gathering his things and slinging his bag over his shoulder, his expression unreadable. “I’ll leave you alone, then. Good luck.”
WHe grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder, the sharp echo of his footsteps leaving an empty void between you. The silence he leaves behind feels louder than anything he could have said. You try to turn back to your laptop, but the guilt, thick and heavy, wraps around your chest. You shouldn’t have snapped like that. He was just trying to help. Your fingers hover over the keys, but nothing feels right. You feel stuck—stuck in your frustration and your guilt, as if you can’t do anything but wallow in the mess you've made.
Minutes drag by. The longer you sit there, the more the guilt gnaws at you, until it becomes too much to ignore. Without thinking, you push your laptop away and bury your face in your hands, trying to hold it all together. You don’t even know why you feel so overwhelmed. It's just a presentation, just an assignment... but your heart races, your breath shortens, and the pressure of it all feels suffocating.
"I'm sorry," you whisper through your hands, but you don’t even know who you're apologizing to. Yourself? Seungkwan? The quiet library? "I’m sorry, please don’t hate me."
Before you can collect yourself enough to go find him, the sound of footsteps breaks the stillness. Your head snaps up, and there he is—Seungkwan, standing in the doorway, holding a can of Celsius in one hand and a small protein bar in the other. His eyes soften when he sees you, and without a word, he places the drink and snacks on the table beside you. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, his touch gentle, reassuring.
You can’t hold it in anymore. The tears spill over, hot and fast, and you’re suddenly choking on your own sobs. "I’m sorry, I’m sorry," you whisper over and over, barely able to breathe through the flood of emotion. "Please don’t hate me."
He doesn’t say anything, just wraps his arms around you and pulls you close. The warmth of his embrace, the steady heartbeat against your cheek—it’s more than you deserve, and yet it’s exactly what you need. The first tear slips down your cheek, followed by another, and then you’re sobbing, clutching onto him like he’s the only thing anchoring you to the earth.
“Shh,” he murmurs softly, rubbing your back in gentle circles. “I would never hate you, baby. It’s okay.”
His words feel like a balm, soothing the raw edges of your heart. You cry harder, the weight of the stress, the exhaustion, and the guilt all pouring out in choked sobs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I just—there’s so much to do, and I—” Your words dissolve into hiccups as you cling to him, tears soaking into his favorite sweater, the one he wears all the time, the one that smells like home.
He doesn’t let go, holding you as tightly as if you’re the one keeping him steady. His fingers trace gentle circles on your back, and he whispers, “I know you didn’t mean it. You’re just stressed, and I get it.” He glances around, noticing the curious looks from other students. When one person stares a little too long, he shoots them a sharp look, muttering, “What are you staring at?”
You manage a weak laugh through your tears, feeling a strange warmth in your chest despite everything. But then you notice the mascara streaks and the growing damp patch on his sweater, and you pull back with a fresh wave of panic. “Oh no. No, no, no—Seungkwan, this is your favorite sweater, and now it has my snot and mascara all over it!”
He lets out a soft chuckle, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “Baby, it’s fine,” he says, brushing your hair back from your face. “It’s just a sweater.”
“But you love this sweater!” you sniffle, fighting back another round of tears. “I—this is your favorite, and now I’ve ruined it—”
“Hey, stop that,” he says, gently wiping the tear tracks from your face with his thumbs. “It’s okay. I can wash it, alright? Let it all out; I’m here.” His voice is so tender, so steady, and it only makes you cry harder.
He holds you tighter, rubbing your back in soothing circles and whispering little reassurances, letting you release all the tension and guilt into his shoulder, sweater be damned. “I’m here. Just let it out. You’re allowed to feel this way.”
You’re sniffling and hiccuping, clinging to him as you let yourself fall apart in his arms. With every gentle touch, he brings you back to a place where you can breathe again, where the overwhelming chaos of your mind finally begins to settle.
When you pull back, eyes red and puffy, he just smiles, reaching for your hand. “Do you wanna go home?” he murmurs.
You shake your head, sniffling. “I… I can’t. I have so much to do.”
“Alright.” He doesn’t hesitate. “Then we’re staying. Together.”
You look at him, blinking through blurry eyes. “Wait, you’re staying? Seungkwan, it’s past 1 AM. You don’t have to do that.”
He just raises an eyebrow, a hint of his usual sass creeping back into his voice. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left my girlfriend to study alone in a library at 1 AM? If you’re not gonna let me nag at you, at least let me stay and keep you company.”
You can’t stop the small, grateful smile that tugs at your lips. He settles back into the chair beside you, pulling your laptop towards him and scanning your notes. “Alright, so what’s the first thing we need to work on?”
He’s right there beside you, the same soft hum of his voice providing background noise as he helps you with the presentation. Hours pass, and time feels less like an enemy with him there, guiding you through it with gentle corrections and quiet encouragement. The soft glow of the laptop screen reflects in his eyes as he leans over your shoulder, pointing out a flaw in the data and offering a suggestion with that familiar, sarcastic edge you know so well.
At some point, he shoves a bottle of water at you, eyebrows raised in that way that makes you roll your eyes, even though you know what’s coming. You don’t protest this time, just take it from him and drink, the coolness of it grounding you.
He watches you for a moment, satisfied with your compliance, before a small, quiet smile curls up at the corners of his lips. It’s not loud or teasing, just... there, like a secret between you two.
You don’t say anything, and neither does he.
But the unspoken understanding between you feels clearer than it ever has. And for the first time in hours, you find yourself thinking, maybe... it’ll be okay.
Seungkwan just keeps working, his fingers tapping lightly against the table as he goes over your notes. And for the rest of the night, there’s a quiet comfort in the way he’s simply there, letting you work, giving you space, but still keeping you grounded.
You don’t need to say anything. His presence is enough.
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thelov3lybookworm · 7 months ago
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Tolerate It (Part 2)
Part 1
Summary: Everyting will be okay.
•○●⛦●○•
A/n: shes a lil small, but shes here hehe
(also creds to @mybestfriendmademe for giving me the idea for the part about fights and silence 🥹😚)
enjoy!
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Azriel had never been given the love a child should have received, and maybe that was the reason he thought himself undeserving of it.
Maybe it was his ugly hands and the way he knew that those hands would taint the beautiful, pure skin of his mate.
Whatever it was, he knew he had fucked up when he returned home to find the house empty, the usual warmth and happy aura that he had gotten used to being gone, the house now back to the desolate place it had been before she came along to light it up.
Azriel had realised how much of an ass he'd been to his mate the moment he left, and then decided that he would apologise and explain his behaviour when he returned home that night.
But then the house was empty, and the whole place void of the things that made him want to call it home, so Azriel had simply sighed, knowing he was at fault as he turned and flew to the river house.
Of course, his sister in law had glared holes into his back the entire time he had been begging Rhys to disclose Y/n's location, and even Rhys looked disgusted with his brother.
Defeated, Azriel knew she would not be found unless she wanted to be, so he decided to return and wait it out.
Just before he left the River house, he ordered his shadows to go search the whole of Velaris for Y/n.
"Leave her alone. Let her think this through. You fucked up brother, now let her decide if she wants to forgive you."
Azriel ignored Rhysand, taking off towards the home he used to share with her, now nothing but four walls and a roof to him.
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He knew he fucked up, he didn't need anyone to tell him that.
But still, no one left him be. No one let him wallow in his self hatred and pity.
They made it worse by fucking caring for him.
Cassian would visit Azriel, yell and fight, but then leave him food to eat because Azriel was so busy beating himself up over his actions that he had forgotten to eat anything.
Nesta would visit, starting to clean around the house without a word, and when Azriel would try to stop her, she would just glare at him and say the same few words. She did not like untidiness. I'm doing it for her.
Rhys had also stopped sending Azriel on missions, so that didn't help in any way considering Azriel had nothing to occupy his time with, ensuring him feeling guilty all the damn time.
Her silence made him curse himself more. Being an Illyrian, he was used to fights and arguments, but he wasn't used to being ignored. You either fought it out, or you killed in the camps. There was no other choice.
The quiet was too loud for Azriel, to the point he was convinced he was going mad.
It had been almost a week of him either staring up at his ceiling, wanting to just die, or bawling his eyes out in the bathtub, because then no one would see the tears that escaped his eyes.
Once again, Azriel could not help but think of how if he had just opened up to Y/n, let himself be vulnerable, cried in front of her as he told her of everything he had been through, he wouldn't have had to wipe his tears by himself.
Because then she would have wiped his tears for him, held him through the worst of nights, and kissed his sadness away.
But alas, he just had to continue being his thick skulled bastard self.
As he now stared at the half eaten apple Feyre had shoved into his hand when she stopped by his house on her way to the art studio, his heart stopped.
No. Some of us must stay back with him.
It doesn't matter. He will cry anyway. We must go to her.
She doesn't need all of us right now.
His head whipped to where a couple of his shadows hovered nearby, his eyes wide, breath hitched in his throat.
The apple tumbled from his slack grip.
"What..."
The shadows froze, then frantically hurried away, slipping through the space under the door, the couch, the window.
And Azriel could do nothing but sit back, a broken breath escaping him at the realisation that the shadows had known all along where she had been, but had kept the knowledge from him.
They were, after all, their own being, not to be commanded but placated.
After long moments of silence, Azriel got up from the couch and slid to his knees, his head hung low in defeat.
Please, he begged.
Please.
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A startled gasp jolted Azriel from the trance he'd been in, and he raised his head to find himself staring into the eyes of his beloved, the eyes he had tried so hard not to become familiar with in case she saw the truth one day, realising he did not deserve her.
Azriel stared, and stared.
And continued staring until she spoke up.
"Az- what are you doing here?"
Azriel blinked, feeling something- presumably a tear- escape his eye as he glanced around. "I... I don't-"
His shadows hissed at him before he could continue, and he paused.
"I wanted to apologise."
Her eyes, that were hard until now, softened. Whether it was at the sound of his broken voice, the state of his being, or the tears streaming down his face without him realising, he didn't know.
And he didn't care as he took in her form, clad in an oversized shirt- his shirt- and nothing else, her hair unbound and messy, the soft skin of her legs on full display for him.
Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet hers, where tears now accumulated.
"Oh Az." She mumbled, stepping forward towards his kneeling, hunched form.
"Forgive me my love. I love you, I love you so so much, I'm sorry, I didn't-"
Azriel's chest heaved as he reached his hands out, trying to grab at Y/n's shirt, but she walked forward without any prompting. Mirroring his position, she knelt in front of him, tugging him into her chest as his hands scrambled to hold her back, panicked as if she was going to vanish any moment.
It was getting harder to take a breath, tears constantly streaming down his face, any and all air he could take into his lungs escaping in startling gasps, emptying his body, lightening his head-
"Shh, take a deep breath with me."
It was nearly impossible, but he tried. Opening and closing his mouth, trying to get his lungs to work, expanding his chest voluntarily in hopes it would help.
When that didn't work, he shoved his head into the stretch of skin connecting her neck to her collarbone, letting himself drown in the unique scent of his mate.
Finally, his lungs started working again, if only to have her scent dominate all his other senses.
"It's okay, you're okay." She was still mumbling, her body so warm and welcoming as she remained wrapped around him, comforting his cold self.
"It's not." He whispered back, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm-"
"Sorry, I know." She rubbed her hand down his back. "And I am sorry too, for leaving instead of talking it out. But now, I'm ready. I'm sure we can work things out, right?"
He nodded frantically, pulling back to show her how sincere he was being, his head tilted back to look her in the eye. She smiled at him softly, brushing his hair back from his face, quiet understanding on her face.
"It will all be okay."
It will be.
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Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1 @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21 @mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @eve175 @starsinyourseyes @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady @lilah-asteria @girlswithimagination @gardenofrunar
Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @azrielsmate3 @celestialend @stqrgirlies-blog @tele86 @bakananya @xyzmeh @st4r-girl-official @caraaaaugh @nacho-nat @allllium @fandomarchiveilyd
Tolerate it taglist: @anuttellaa @willowpains @blackgirlmagicforever @isa1b2h3 @helloevilmuffins @bunnyredgirl @hellsenthero @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @fxckmiup @honeybee54321 @nahimgoodmom @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @sweetcarolina-24 @misskennygirl @macel625 @justyouraveragekleemain @its-sam-allgood
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leaderwon · 9 months ago
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come back i still need you
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paring : nonidol!jungwon x reader
warnings : character death, ANGST left and right, mentions of being depressed
word count : 1.5k
luna's diary : kinda shed a tear writing this
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IT HAD BEEN, 3 weeks and 6 days, since you left him.
He was stuck in the endless loop of the 4th stage of grief. Depression, and was left wondering if he'll ever move forward to the next stage and accept your death.
Oh how cruel the world was. Taking away his lover and the plans for the future you guys had carefully planned.
You guys were walking on the street on the day it happened. Giggles filling the both of your bodies as a silver band of ring with a small diamond shined on your ring finger. He had just proposed to you, with promises of giving you everything he had to offer, of staying by your side until his last breath, to grow up even more and have little yous running around. Maybe you could get a dog and a cat and live in a beautiful home.
And then it happened.
He still remembers the way you shoved him to the side as a car came speeding towards you. Your yells still ringing in his ears from the past 3 weeks.
He remembers slowly walking to you trying to take in what just happened. In the corner of his eye he could see the once silver, shiny ring now covered in blood. Your blood. It was everywhere. He felt sick to his stomach. He cradled your face as he broke into sobs. "No no this can't be happening baby wake up" He called out for you as his sobs turned into a breakdown. He saw the light in your eyes slowly disappear. He saw the love of his life leave him, even though you were right there.
2 days later, it was your funeral. As everyone showed him sympathy and gave him hugs. He was still in denial. The first stage of grief. He couldn't even count the amount of times he heard "let me know if you need anything, Jungwon". He needed you back in his arms, but none of the people could give him that. There's no way you could have just left, right? What about the promises? The home? The dog and the cat? mini yous?
Few days later, he slowly slipped into the second stage of grief. Anger. He was mad at no one but himself. He should have been the one to die, not an angel like you. The car should have hit him. Not you. Or maybe he was mad at you too? why would you sacrifice yourself and leave him alone?
Then came in the third stage of grief. Bargain. He prayed and prayed that this would be a long painful nightmare. No way the world could have been so cruel on him. He was just 20 wanting to see life with you by his side, there's no way his fate was written like this.
After realising that this wasn't a dream, and you really were gone, entered the 4th stage of grief. Depression. He was an empty void as he laid on his bed all day leaving all his friends worried. He only got up to eat, which was very rare by the way. Leaving the texts his friends sent him on delivered, he read the last conversation you had with him. Where he mentioned the date and that he had a surprise for you and your excited text messages as a small smile crept on his lips. How he wished he never took you out.
Come back. He still needs you.
It was a new day as the sun shone through Jungwon's curtains. Today, was your one month anniversary, of you getting engaged and also since you left. Today was the worst of all days. It had been a month? no way. "i wish i could turn back time and change everything" he mumbled.
"Time" he jolted up as he remembered something you said about turning back time. Hope rushed through his eyes as he swiftly got out of his bad and rushed to take a shower and get ready. He could not believe he did not think of this sooner. Getting dressed, he rushed out of his home. Coming back taking the ring you once wore in his hands and heading to his car.
"I'm going to get you back, my love"
20 minutes later he reached your apartment. He did not have the courage to step into your apartment after your death. Opening the door he smelled your familiar scent for the first time in a month. Not wanting to waste time, he got in and rummaged through your belongings. "Where is it, god damn".
Finally spotting the shiny wooden box. He picked it up seeing a necklace with a tiny clock in it. Wearing it, he saw as it started to glow.
"How may I help you today?" a voice spoke out as he looked at a beautiful woman in front of him.
"Who must you be? you're not one of them" The voice continued referring to your blood line. "I'm Yang Jungwon, I lost my lover in a car accident, exactly a month ago from now"
"You wish to bring her back?" The voice questioned him. "Yes I need to please. She mentioned about this pendent to me a while back. You need to help me" He replied begging. "Jungwon, I'd suggest you move on. You'll lose yourself if anything goes downhill, and there are less number of chances of it going good and it going bad." The female figure said showing sympathy. "Please, miss. I don't have anything to lose anymore, she was my everything" He said breaking down into a sob.
Sighing, she touched the pendent on his colar. "What time do you want to go to?" she asked giving in. "Exactly a month ago" He said as the necklace started to glow again. "Goodluck, Jungwon" she said.
He was going to make sure you were alive. But at what cost?
In a blink of an eye, he was back. On the street, with you. "I honestly didn't expect you to do it today" Your voice said. Oh how he missed your voice, to see your face in front of him again and to hold his hand. He suddenly remembered why he was here as he became hyper-aware of his surroundings. He knew the car would be coming your way any second. Before he could think of changing your position, it was too late. The car was already coming towards you at an increasing pace. There was no way he could save the both of you.
So he did what he initially came back for.
He saved you.
Shoving your body to the side, he felt the car hit him as he lost consciousness. The last thing he saw was you standing and looking at him in utter shock. Atleast you were safe and alive.
"Jungwon? baby hey, wake up" you cradled his face and broke down into sobs, the same way he did, in another time line. You left a peck on his forehead as you left him there rushing to your apartment.
I'm not going to lose you Jungwon. Not like this.
You rummaged through your belongings, the same way he did. Wearing the pendent, you wished to go back 20 minutes from your present.
You were back with him, on the same street, holding his hand as you listened to him talk to you. You knew the time was near as you walked faster looking for a turn that could divert you form the path in which it was about to happen. Before you could find something, you heard the car's tire screech behind you. There was no way you could save the both of you.
So you did what you initially came for.
You saved him.
You shoved him to the side as the car came in contact with your body. The last thing you saw, was him. Atleast he was safe and alive.
He slowly walked to you trying to take in what just happened. In the corner of his eye he could see the once silver, shiny ring now covered in blood. Your blood. It was everywhere. He felt sick to his stomach. He cradled your face as he broke into sobs. "No no this can't be happening baby wake up" He called out for you as his sobs turned into a breakdown. He saw the light in your eyes slowly disappear. He saw the love of his life leave him, even though you were right there.
It was a new day as the sun shone through Jungwon's curtains. Today, was your one month anniversary, of you getting engaged and also since you left. Today was the worst of all days. It had been a month? no way. "i wish i could turn back time and change everything" he mumbled.
Fast forward to him wishing of going back to a month prior to save you. He managed to save you, but lost his life. Not being able to manage with the grief of him gone, you tried to save him. You managed to do so, but you lost yours in exchange. And this continued.
The woman was right afterall when she warned the two you.
Trying to save eachother, the both of you were stuck and lost yourselves in an endless time loop.
@leaderwon 2024. Do not copy, translate,alter or plagarize in any platform.
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arafilez · 3 months ago
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ONCE MORE WITH SUMMER ㅤㅤㅤ☆ ㅤ —﹙ H.TS ﹚
MOVING ㅤ,ㅤ back to your hometown brings you memories and your childhood friend taesan !
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ᶻzㅤ( x fem!reader ) 𓂃 ㅤ fluff, childhood frnds, summer romanceㅤ warnings kissing, nicknames ㅤ⋆ ( 5.5k wc ) ㅤ
onedoornet summer with you ❟ㅤ library ㅤ bnd shelfㅤ navi
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A cool breeze hits your face through the open window of your car as you let the summer sun hit your skin. You smile in contentment when you enter the familiar area and look at the neighbourhood you have grown up in. Not much has changed in the four years but you feel a fresh wave of nostalgia hit when you see everyone you knew on their regular work schedule.
It really is good to be back home!
Steering the car onto your parent’s porch you skip towards the steps ringing the bell. The house that was re-painted just before you left now doesn’t look that bright, with some dark patches visible if you look closely enough. You hear the door click, and your mom instantly hugs you as soon as the door opens.
Passing a high-five to your dad, you go up to the car to bring your university stuff in. With some very stupid questions from your dad and cute attempts to get you to eat everything your mom had made they leave you alone to go to their own work. The quietness of the house settles around you, a stark contrast to your loud roommates back in Uni as you make your way upstairs to your old room to unpack.
Before you can even start unpacking the doorbell rings making you sigh. You get up grudgingly, still hating the idea to go downstairs even though it has been six years. You turn the knob without much thought knowing it might be some kind of delivery.
“’Sup?” he asks and you still in your tracks hearing the voice. With jet-black long hair with Oreo shades and his signature smirk, there was Taesan wearing a light white t-shirt and shorts standing at your door. You stand in confusion for a while before screaming, “Taesan?”
“Wow you are still blind because I don’t see anyone else here,” he deadpans pretending to look back before he yells lightly as you slap his arm. For a moment it’s all quiet, the sound of quiet breaths filling the void and it almost feels unnatural before he speaks up.
“Still have tortoise feet?” You choke on air at his question glaring at the tiny smirk adorning his face and grit out, “I never had tortoise feet, asshole.”
“Do I need to search up pictures to prove you again?” he grins making you push his chest which he easily dodges. “What? You want me to be nostalgic when we literally messaged last week?”
“You can at least be a little cordial,” you scoff as he enters your house murmuring, “Cordial, my ass, but sure, how have you been my dear tortoise-feet friend?”
“Genuinely, fuck you,” you grit out, pursing your lips and smiling as he turns coyly and says, “No can do too busy honey.” Your eyes widen as you plop down on the couch and look at him asking, “Did you and Reah finally do it? I thought it would at least take ten years with the pace you two were moving with.”
“I broke up with her eleven months ago,” he shrugs nonchalantly as you choke on air for the second time today and scream, “How could you not tell me?”
“You didn’t ask,” he makes a face making you gasp at his answer before you shrug. Taesan has always been like this so deep down you are aware he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. He once fell from the swing set because you pushed too hard and even though six-year-olds are major tattle tales he didn’t utter a single thing about how he scraped his knees to his mom or you.
You came to know months later that his knee had been bloody making you feel extra bad because he kept quiet. This incident is almost as same as this but you avoid the “why” and go on, “So who is the new one?”
“We broke up because I realised I just liked her for being the exact similar to me but slowly I realised we have a lot of differences we can’t mend and that led to us breaking up,” he replies, sitting down beside you and shrugs at your wide eyes saying, “You were thinking it, weren’t you?”
You avoid his eyes as he chuckles still training his eyes on your face before he says, “Well you are still bitchless.” “How would you know that?” you scoff knowing full well he is right, that in fact, you don’t have anyone right now.
“You would scream-text me if you get a boyfriend like you have done before,” he smirks knowing he has the upper hand in knowing all your tiny habits all so well. You show him the middle finger before crossing your legs and leaning back saying, “Then how are you too busy, Mr. Han?”
“You’re wrong there, I said I am too busy to fuck you, not anyone else,” he leans over to you, face close to yours, the little smirk that you feel is permanently attached to his face on display making you stare back.
Your eyes lock with his and you can slowly feel the air drain out of your lungs and the familiar ache return. You purse your lips looking away and try to slap yourself to reality. It has been four years and the summer you return is not the time to rekindle your feelings.
Four years ago when you had incessantly teased Taesan for being bitchless he revealed he actually had a girlfriend which had left you choking on air. You had not expected him to have anyone and secretly hoped your wishes come true. But he got a girlfriend and you knew you had to suppress those feelings one way or another and never tell them to Taesan.
You did not want to burden him further and on the other hand, you would get incessantly teased for a lifetime by his over-inflated ego. And you definitely did not want the second one.
“Girl,” Taesan’s voice reaches your ears making you jump up and you realise you had zoned out. “Sorry,” you murmur softly before turning towards him and getting another light jumpscare from how close Taesan is sitting.
He, too, gets hyper-aware of the proximity before he moves away quietly. A thick silence falls in the air as you two keep quiet adding another layer of tension to it. Taesan clears his throat suddenly as you sit up straight knowing he will say something.
“Do you want to go to the drive-thru movie tonight?” your eyes widen as soon as the question leaves his mouth and you excitedly sit up yelling, “Yes.” You two were never allowed to go to these movies without parental supervision or a group of friends before in high school and now the idea seems too thrilling to miss out on,
And your parents don’t have restrictions on you now.
“And get all that greasy popcorn and burgers to go?” Taesan asks again, his eyes glinting with mischief and you deadpan, “Is that even a question Han Taesan?” He laughs as you start bouncing on your seat with excitement.
“Meet you tonight?” he asks as you nod watching him leave through the door. You knew exactly where to meet him!
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“You do know our parents won’t tell us anything if we properly went out, right?” You giggle as you jump down on the soft mound of dirt in your backyard as Taesan shrugs saying, “For old time’s sake.”
“If you are really stuck up on that then let’s call your mom and tell her to catch us and get us grounded for two weeks,” you smile as he laughs at you. Back when you two were eighteen you had once snuck out to go to a drive-thru movie alone. Taesan had just got this license and he needed to put that to good use. But everything came to an end when Taesan’s mom stood at her gate ready to greet you two and she even called your mom. You two never knew how she was aware of it but you were aware of being dragged back home as you glared at Taesan the whole way back and then got grounded.
You smile at the memory as you follow him out watching him walk out the backyard towards his car. You look at him properly for the first time properly in six years, slowly realising that he has lost most of his teenage features. He already had puberty hit him like a Mac truck but now when you slowly see his adult features you realise how much you all have grown.
But that was the problem with Taesan and your feelings for him. You had them when he fell of a swing set, had a runny nose, when he was a scrawny teen, when he changed in his puberty, and you realise now they were slowly coming back.
But unlike in the morning, you didn’t want to deny and suppress them anymore, instead, you wished he saw you in the same light you saw him. You are aware that might be a big delusion you are walking on but the night was young and you are willing to give everything a try.
“You are being exceptionally quiet, you know? Did university turn you into some thinker or shit?” Taesan breaks the silence looking at you making you roll your eyes at him. You sit down on the passenger seat and take in a deep breath inhaling the way his car smells so him.
Slipping into the driver’s seat, he notices you distracted because you haven’t talked back to him about his comment and right now you are blankly staring at the streetlight in front of you. He sighs, knowing better than to poke you about it, he would definitely do it if you two were kids, but you grew up.
And he knows that he can’t be the same as he was before.
He waits for a while watching you intensely stare at the streetlight before leaning over and pulling the seatbelt over your body. The sudden figure blocking your sight finally breaks your trance as you are surprised to see Taesan’s body so close to yours. You gasp lightly as you feel him tighten the belt and look away to do anything to remove the idea of him over you from your mind.
You feel your breath hitch as his body continues to hover over yours making you wonder what is taking him so damn long to get a seatbelt. You look up slowly, eyes tracing along his face and loving every small feature that is accentuated in the low light.
“What are you doing?” you whisper when you feel your breath back in your throat and regret it immediately as he turns his head directly over your face and snickers, “What do you think?”
The moment is broken instantly as he sits back down with a thud and replies, “Little miss passenger princess cannot tie her own seatbelt.” “Shut the fuck up, I can,” you retort hating and loving how he is back to his usual routine of making fun of you by calling you a ‘princess’.
“Sure! That is exactly why you complained about your roommates first day after moving out,” he smirks as you gasp saying, “They were insufferable and you are aware of it.” He grins at your sentence knowing well he does know it because he trusts you with his heart. Some people might call him blind but he knows his childhood friend better than she knows herself and he would actively ignore those people.
He starts driving out of the alley with one hand on the steering wheel which you find oddly attractive making you slap yourself internally. You need to wake up before you regret doing something you only have ever dreamt of. Your eyes stick to his side profile again as you trace your eyes down his arms to the wheel and then back to his face smiling a little at the familiarity of the situation.
You feel like you are seventeen again when you couldn’t drive and he would drive you around, which slowly started with mere neighbourhoods before it escalated to secret escapades. The last part has always been a secret between you two unless well he has told any of his exes.
“Man I missed you driving me around and running errands for me,” you sigh, realising how much you actually missed this making him snicker as he replies, “Aww, the princess had no one to drive her around in uni?”
You roll your eyes at his teasing as you retort, “Hey it is your fault to make me like this, always driving me around.” He locks eyes with you in the rear-view mirror replying, “And have you ever once heard me complaining?”
The soft smile that follows that question has you breathless for the nth time that night before you watch him slowly look away. Your eyes rest on the road in the front watching the dark and familiar neighbourhood before your eyes train to the sign of the drive-thru that you are seeing after a decade.
“Wow the sign is still tacky,” you comment and Taesan speaks, without missing a bit, “Just like someone I know.” You glare at him as he shrugs saying, “I did not mention any names though,” a small smirk making its way into his face.
You smile sarcastically at his comment waiting for him to park the car at an empty spot. “What are they playing tonight?” you ask in a sing-song voice making Taesan hitch a breath wondering why didn’t you say anything to his last comment.
“Ooh, Mean Girls, love that,” you pucker your lips looking at him as he chuckles nervously as he parks his car in an empty spot between two cars and stops the engine.
“You know what else I love?” you ask and he side-eyes you wondering what lunatic he has as a friend and you giggle maniacally as you suddenly move over to his side and strangle him as he catches your hand trying to stop you.
He is strong, you will give him that, as he tries to restrain you, choked voice leaving his tongue before he finally grabs your hands and forces them apart and looks up at you. You glare back at him, faces inches apart as he breathes heavily.
You stay quiet, mind in a haze at the lack of distance and not processing anything. Taesan’s hands still wrapped around your wrist you stare at him shamelessly. Taesan is not much better as he licks his lips and holds your wrists properly so you don’t fall.
The intro of the movie plays suddenly making you and Taesan both jump as you quickly shift to your seat laughing awkwardly as Taesan’s eyes fix in the screen in front of you.
“You’re still ugly,” you hear him snicker after a while as you chuckle saying, “I will really choke you to death this time.” He rolls his eyes as you deadpan before he holds out a greasy burger in front of you. That shuts you up in an instant as you snatch it away from his hand moaning in delight.
“Wow, I did not want to hear that,” he murmurs and you snicker making the sound three more times just to annoy the shit out of him while looking at him with sparkling eyes. He lightly slaps your cheek as your attention finally snaps to the screen.
You lean back as he does too before you two start judging the cheap choices that the characters make and laughing uncontrollably. Just like old times!
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You don’t remember when you got home last night but your mom’s scream gets through your ears as you hurriedly sit up to see her standing at the door and say, “If you don’t come down in five minutes, forget breakfast exists.”
You whine in a groggy voice as you reluctantly get out of bed to freshen up. As soon as you reach downstairs your smile drops seeing Taesan being all smiley and helping out your mom as she animatedly talks to him.
God forbid she treats him better than she will ever treat you. You roll your eyes as Taesan passes you a smile which is ninety percent evil and sit down at the table. You hear your mom groan as she sits down and says, “My back hurts so bad.” Your breath hitches as soon as you hear that knowing very well that is her way of getting you to run her errands.
And with Taesan here, she is gonna exaggerate it to make sure you are the one who gets it done. Your eyes thin at her as she locks eyes with you before smiling and continuing, “How will I do my gardening today?”
You purse your lips cursing her internally. Your mom knows you hate gardening like hell and she was down to make you love it and you can’t believe she pulled that one trick on her old book.
“We will do it for you,” Taesan replies without missing a beat and your head is instantly in your hands. You hear your mom gasping and thanking Taesan as you chuckle sarcastically making a mental note to get her back for it.
That is how you land with rubber gloves and a shovel in your hand at your family garden while Taesan holds the dirt in one of his hands and some small flower plants ready to be sowed.
“Fuck you and your best child mindset,” you curse at him before walking ahead as he smiles at your attitude. He loved your chaotic personality more than he cared to admit and he is glad that it didn’t change in the last four years. A lovesick smile plasters over his face as he sees you angrily plant the shovel into the soil and stomp in your plastic boots.
“You still hate gardening?” he chuckles and you deadpan saying, “I didn’t go to Uni to do a gardening major now did I? So of course I still hate it, you idiot.” He snickers at you throwing the dirt bag close to your feet making you glare at him.
The planting part is quiet before Taesan breaks it with his dumb question, “So princess how is it? Getting your hands dirty and doing the peasant work?” You snicker shaking your head lazily; Taesan did a wrong thing asking that because the next thing he gets is you throwing a ball of dirt towards his face.
It happens so fast he cannot dodge it as he gasps wiping the dirt off his clothes and wiping his hands on yours. “Yah, Han Taesan,” you screech as he giggles menacingly and gets up running to the other side of the garden. It takes a while for you to get up but once you do you run, laughing as you see him try to hide behind the bushes.
“You think you can escape,” you smile like a lunatic and then laugh as you pick up the hose pipe and kick the tap open. Taesan fills a huge hit of water before he can run as you run with the pipe behind him.
The summer heat gets in your system, making you sweat profusely but you wish you cared as much as you do to annoy Taesan. So you are frankly surprised when you feel the cool water splash to you from all directions making you scream.
“Having fun?” you hear Taesan’s voice and laugh before you can decipher how the heck he turned on the sprinklers. “Not yet,” you yell back running behind him as you spray him one last time before tackling him to the ground.
He makes a groan as his back hits the ground followed by you on top of him as you laugh. Your full body is soaked as you grin looking at the Oreo hair sticking to his head. His giggles reach your ears as his hands wrap around your waist and you two shake while laughing.
When you finally stop you realise the proximity you are in and your smile drops. You are literally on top of him, while his hands are wrapped around your waist as your elbows rest on the ground. Taesan is still smiling as he looks at the messy garden.
He looks back at you and suddenly is hyper-aware of the proximity too. You stare down at his brown orbs, your rational mind telling you to move away but your body not allowing you to. Meanwhile, Taesan has somehow short-circuited not knowing how to process the current situation.
You are so tempted to look at his lips, but you force yourself not to before reality strikes and you hurriedly get off him.
You laugh awkwardly as you say, “We should be glad we didn’t ruin the good part of the garden.” He laughs too, awkwardness filling the air, as he looks back at the wet bushes and ground, willing to look anywhere but your eyes.
You get up, and he finally looks up as you stand awkwardly, and his eyes widen saying, “You should go change.” “What? Who will help you then?” you ask, offended. Did he think because you were a girl you couldn’t help him do the heavy work?
His eyes shift awkwardly to your other neighbour who was at his door before he towers over your figure gritting his teeth and says, “Just listen to me for once and go change.”
“You’re annoying as fuck,” you murmur but go anyway. If he wants to do more work, then fine, he should suit himself. You like lying down anyway. You curse him again as you enter your room when your eyes finally land on your figure and you realise why Taesan forced you.
Your pink bra is fully visible through the white shirt you are wearing and you realise why he kept pressuring you. Your face heats up at the thought of him looking at you while you look like that before you hurriedly peel off the clothes off your body.
The faster the moment of embarrassment is gone, the better. Isn’t it?
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It definitely isn’t as you hear Taesan making fun of you for the fifth time that night as you sit in your favourite Tteok-bokki place. “Okay enough,” you grit through your teeth as your face turns a permanent shade of pink for the night.
Taesan laughs again and this time you take a handful of your food before stuffing his face with your food and watch him choke lightly. “Lunatic,” he mouths before he gulps them down and you grin menacingly. You inhale the food scent loving again to be back home.
It has been three weeks and you already don’t want the summer to end. You wish you could stay here and not go away but you know you have to when you see the email notification hanging on your phone.
But first, you decide as you remove the notification, you need to enjoy the summer.
“We haven’t really done any summer activities, you know?” you speak as you put another serving of tteok-bokki in your month and Taesan hums before saying, “Yeah, but it is our summer, do we really need to religiously do any summer activities?”
You nod quietly, hating he makes sense as he chuckles, “You hate that I made sense right now, don’t you?” Your smile drops as you sigh. Why does this boy know you so well? He could know you a bit less well and it would be way easier for you.
“Fine, since you want to do some summer activity we can go the park from here and see the stars,” he murmurs, regret hitting him instantly as the sentence leaves his mouth. He had promised to never ever do this kind of romantic stuff with you. It doesn’t help his heart at all but his mouth definitely doesn’t know when to shut up.
He looks up, hoping you are so engrossed in your food you didn’t hear it but it all goes in vain as you stare at him with round eyes. Those eyes, those stupid damn beautiful eyes that were always his biggest weakness.
That is a damn lie! Every part of you is his weakness and he knows it. He tried, he genuinely tried to move on as he didn’t want to ruin the friendship at all. Every time you two made fun of the rumours of you two dating, he secretly hoped there was a part of you that didn’t take it as a joke.
Little did he know, your heart was hurting too, watching him smile at something you wish was true.
So he tried, he got a girlfriend, and he loved her but they broke up and it followed the same pattern for all his exes. He just fell out of love! And it sucked, because the only one he knows he would never fall out of love with, is you. And you are out of his reach!
“Sure,” your small voice breaks him out of his trance as he watches you quietly get back to your food.
Sure enough, you two walk to the park silently, feeling the night breeze hit your bodies. The park is silent as you two lie down and not a single word passes as you two look up.
The stars sparkle brightly as you look up from the dark park grounds. The swing set lightly sways in the wind as you hear the metal creak on its joints.
“I have never done this before,” you whisper as he laughs nervously saying, “Why not? You are a hopeless romantic, I thought you would have at least done it once with your every ex.”
You turn towards him, resting your head on your elbow as a pillow and say, “Yeah but he has to be really special, and none of them really were.” He turns his head sideways, not knowing why his heart calms down and gets excited at the same time. He is glad knowing he is the first one you are doing this with.
On the other hand, you just said a sentence that might make him rip all his hair and take a dunk in the pool to get his mind cleared. “So you think I am special?” he jokingly asks, half wishing you don’t answer.
You gulp as his eyes lock with yours and you hum lightly as you turn back towards the sky. You cannot possibly hold eye contact with him or he will know all those feelings you had kept hidden for years.
You gulp again looking up and changing the topic as you say, “It is really pretty.” Taesan hums in approval, eyes not leaving your face as he replies, “It is.”
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Things have been a little awkward since that night, but you wish you overcome it soon. You definitely do not want to fuck up your friendship in the last few weeks left.
You jump when you hear a tap on your window and then two more before you get up from your bed and look down. You are hit with a paper ball in your face as you close your eyes and take a deep breath before yelling, “Yah Han Taesan.”
He giggles as you shut the window and get down the stairs to teach his unserious ass a lesson. “We are not kids anymore you know,” you reason as you shut the door loudly as he shrugs throwing another paper ball towards you which you skilfully dodge.
You run towards him as he giggles running out to the street and you scream at him to come back. You catch up with him pretty easily as he runs lazily and wrap your arms around his waist tightly to prevent him from getting away.
He turns around laughing and holding the paper balls high enough to be out of your reach as you whine saying, “Not fair.” “Why not?” he whines back mocking your tone as you jump up to get the paper balls but all is in vain as he keeps them skilfully out of your reach.
Suddenly drops of rain hit your skin as you look up to see the clouds forming. “Fuck,” Taesan murmurs under his breath wanting to go to a shade as soon as possible but you clutch at his sleeves stopping him.
“What?” he asks, as the rain increases as you reply, “Let’s get drenched.” He laughs at your face before realising you are serious and says, “You know we might get killed, if our moms find us getting purposely drenched, don’t you?”
“Fuck I wish I cared,” you reply back closing your eyes to get the summer rain in your system. Taesan smiles, mesmerised by you as he watches you twirl around and jump lightly.
He chuckles when he hears you giggle along, lovesick eyes training on your figure as you dance like a crazy person on the street.
You let the rain hit your skin but maybe you were too mesmerised to realise the puddle was nearby as you slipped. You grasp on thin air, a short yelp leaving your throat but before you can hit the ground you feel Taesan’s arms around your waist as he pulls you to his chest and hugs you.
“Be careful,” he murmurs as you stand awkwardly with him half-hugging you and your chest heaves up and down at his voice. It is weird, you have never heard this tone from him, this protective tone or maybe you have never realised he had used it before.
You look up and before you can stop yourself your hands are working their way up to part his wet hair lightly from his forehead as he stares down at you smiling.
Taesan knows it is now or never. He should not keep quiet, he needs to tell you right now! Maybe it is the high of the summer rain, or you looking up at him with your wet lashes or the fact that you are held so closely to him he finds himself spilling what he wanted to do for decades.
“I like you,” he whispers and your hand stills as you look back at him, wishing you weren’t hearing things. The silence that takes over is deafening as you gulp and ask, “What?”
Taesan takes a deep breath before he says, “I like you, I have liked you for so long, but I never had the courage to tell you and I saw you getting so happy when I announced my first girlfriend, like you never wanted us to be a thing because you cringed at our rumours. But god, have I loved you all through my life, even through your awkward emo phase and god, I tried, I tried so hard to move on, but I couldn’t but I wished I could because you never liked me did you, and even now-“
He shuts up when he feels your lips on his and it is gone as soon as it comes as you stare at him even in shock that you did that. His eyes lock with yours before he grabs you by your waist and pulls you towards him and places his lips on yours without wasting a single moment.
The kiss is not awkward instead, it feels familiar, like you have done it a thousand times before and it feels close to home. So close, that it felt like home! Your fingers intertwine with his as you giggle when you feel him smile in the kiss. The summer shower gets into your lips, messing it up in the most perfect way possible.
When you part you punch him lightly saying, “Stupid, I thought you were the one who didn’t like me back,” as he shrugs and says, “Guess we are the original dumb and dumber duo.” You laugh loudly at him before you hear your mother’s voice screaming.
You two look back to see both your mothers standing at a distance, probably yelling at you two as to why you were getting purposely drenched. But you can’t hear anything over the buzzing excitement in your ears and a loud thumping heart.
“Should we do it?” Taesan whispers in your ear, mischief sparkling in his eyes as he holds you close with a hand wrapping around your wrist while the other casually rests on your waist.
“Run? Yes definitely!” you answer your own question giggling as you look up at his brown orbs that hold so many memories. All the love, lies and hate, all the times you had looked at them and wished he was yours. From childhood to now!
And that is finally true!
“Once more with summer, right?” he asks as your eyes focus on his figure, slowly making the haze of your mother’s figure get closer and closer to you two.
“Once more with summer,” you confirm, smiling and biting your lips as his grip tightens around your wrist and you two run, laughing loudly. 
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ARA'S NOTES ㅤ,ㅤ if you can't already tell, i have been religiously watching "love next door" because omg am i a sucker for childhood friends to lovers. anywaysss i hope you enjoyed this story that took two months to finish (i wrote 4k today itself shh). summer romance why can't you happen for me !
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ㅤㅤ ᶻzㅤ( TAGLIST ) 𓂃ㅤ fill this or comment or ask to be added.
@slytherinshua @gong-fourz @emmylksblog
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nets : @onedoornet @k-labels @k-films
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ㅤㅤ(ㅤㅤ© arafilez on tumblrㅤㅤ)
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audliminal · 5 days ago
Text
Survivability Bias Pt 4
Masterpost Ao3
“Cassiopeia,” Danny murmurs, his eyes never leaving the glimmering void above him. “Though epsilon looks dimmer than it usually is. I wonder if it still has a ring...” Around him, the world is shadowed, the distant lights of cities visible on the horizon but not bright enough to truly disrupt his view of the night sky. It had been a bit nerve-wracking leaving the town, but he’d been making an effort to lay low for the last week, and had seen nothing to indicate anyone was coming to search for him. The idea of visiting the firefighters still makes his skin itch, but a little trip to stargaze had started seeming like a reasonable risk to take, and with the calm expanse of void above him, Danny can feel something deep inside of him settle. The buzz of fear that’s been around since before he even got here evaporates, as he counts the stars and constellations. They’re not all the same, Cygnus seems to be mostly missing, and a few of the individual stars Danny remembers seem to be gone, but for the most part, it’s the same. Certainly more familiar than anything else has been so far. The technology here is all far more advanced than anything Danny’s seen before, which is ironic considering the portal.
It’s funny, really that he can be this far away from home (a literally incalculable distance), and the stars are still generally the same. Even the ones that are new are still stars; still the same burning masses fueled by fusion and gravity, and feeding the universe at large with new material. They're still millions of light-years away, and yet they’ve been there for so long, streaming their light into a void, where it can eventually reach this very spot where Danny’s currently standing. All his problems seem so small in the face of the great expanse of space.
“Amazing!” Danny exclaims, letting himself just laugh with delight. Maybe he’s alone here, but has he ever felt this free before? Nobody to drag him away, or force him into fights, or yell at him about the chores he hasn’t done yet. Hell, if he really wanted to, he just take off, go hang out in space, maybe fly until he finds one of those alien planets that he’d seen mentioned on Wikipedia. Sure, it would probably take a stupid amount of time to get there, but he could , if he wanted.
Behind him, there’s a rush of air, and the sound of a person taking a breath, and Danny tears his gaze away from the stars, flipping himself into a fighting stance as he runs through the list of heroes he’d read about, trying to remember which of them could fly. As he turns, his eyes lock on to another boy, though, that looks to be close to Danny’s own age.
“Woah, dude.” The boy says, holding his hands up and floating a few feet backwards. “I’m not here to fight?”
“Then why are you here?” Danny asks. He is just a kid, so like, maybe , it’s safe, but also the symbol on the kids chest is the same one Superman was wearing, so he could just be a recruit or something.
“I dunno, man, I just heard you talking and got curious? Not exactly many people around that can just hang out in the sky, you know. I can leave if you want.” The other  boy’s expression seems sincere. Mostly he looks startled and a bit uncertain, and deeply unlike the weird, heroic, confident posture that Superman seemed to have in every picture. This guy looks like he’s trying to look confident, sure, but not like he actually is .
“You’re not Superman, but you’re wearing his logo.” Danny says. Dropping his stance, but not letting himself fully relax. Just because it’s not a fight, doesn’t mean he’s safe, after all.
“Yeah, uh, I’m Superboy.”
“Superboy,” Danny echoes. “I read something about sidekicks? Is that-” Danny cuts himself off when the other boy winces.
“No, I’m not his sidekick. More like he’s helping to train me. We’ve got the same powers, so... Yeah.”
“Huh. Training sounds... Nice? What’s that like?” Honestly, training sounds downright miraculous. Danny hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the destruction caused by the train crash, and how everyone in Amity had always complained about the damage caused by ghost fights. He hasn’t forgotten how much he’d gotten himself hurt in those early days either, not that anyone else had ever noticed that bit.
“Yeah, I guess it’s nice. I take it you don’t have a mentor, then?”
“I’m not a hero.”
“No? I thought- I mean, you look a lot like the description of the guy who helped with the train crash over in Concord.” Superboy frowns, glancing off in the direction of Danny’s hometown.
“I mean, yeah that was me but I’m not. I don’t wanna fight anyone.”
“Oh, yeah that’s totally fair.” Superboy immediately responds with a laugh. “Honestly most of what we do isn’t actually fighting people, so y’know. You don’t have to be a fighter to be a hero.”
“Oh.” That kinda makes sense. After all, Danny had done a lot of fighting back home, and nobody had called him a hero there.
“Yeah, it’s like. There’s a lot of stuff about emergency response and civilian rescue and stuff. Hell, from what I understand half of what the Bats do is just, like detective work. That’s a lot of what my training’s for, actually. I’m pretty good at destroying stuff, I guess, but Supes says I need better control, before I can be trusted to handle relief stuff, because I might accidentally hurt people with my strength or something.”
“That’s. Cool, I guess?” Danny risks a glance up at the stars. No attack comes with Danny’s split attention, though after a moment, Superboy slowly floats over to his side.
“What are you looking at?”
“The stars.”
“Just, like, in general?” Superboy asks. He sounds dubious, and Danny can feel him glancing between him and the sky every couple seconds.
“What, have you never gone stargazing before?” 
Superboy doesn’t say anything for a minute, and Danny glances over. The false confidence has completely evaporated from the other boy’s expression, and instead he just looks unsure.
“I’ve never really had the opportunity before.” Superboy finally murmurs, quieter than any of their conversation so far.
“Well, I guess you’re in luck!” Danny says, offering his new companion a smile. “Because I’m something of an expert in it!” And Danny begins to point to the different constellations, and tell Superboy as much as he can about all the stars and planets above them.
“You really are an expert, huh?” Superboy eventually says, in the middle of Danny’s tangent about why Pluto isn’t considered a planet anymore. That had been one of his most interesting discoveries in his Wikipedia explorations. He’d been kind of surprised at first when it hadn’t shown up on the list of planets, but he’d specifically searched for it, he’d learned about it’s reclassification, along with all the reasoning behind it. He’d been a little sad at first, but the realization that it came alongside the implication about a whole number of other bodies orbiting their sun had been exciting in it’s own way.
“Yeah,” Danny responds with a laugh. “I, uh, really like space. I actually wanted to be an astronaut as a kid.”
“But you don’t want to be one now?”
“I mean,” Danny hums. “It’d be nice, but I don’t think it’s really a plausible goal anymore. It- the way I got my powers came with some... complications. And anyway I kind of don’t legally exist anymore, so it’s. I can’t even go to space camp, let alone go to actual space.”
“Is that, uh, why you don’t have a normal heart beat? I didn’t wanna ask and be rude, but like, you sound kinda like a really large bee.”
“Yeah, that’s, um. I mean I’ve never been called a bee before, but yeah.”
“Wild. But like, if it’s meta stuff, then aren’t they legally not allowed to discriminate against you for it? They’re not just gonna be like ‘oh you don’t have a heartbeat guess you can’t go to space.’”
“I mean, there was, like, a meta scholarship on the website, but...”
“You’re worried about revealing your identity.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Well, that’s fixable. I mean, I didn’t have an identity to even reveal until this year, so the Justice League can definitely-”
“I don’t want them to know about me,” Danny interrupts.
“Oh.” Superboy says. “Well, what about just, like one person? Because Robin could definitely make you a whole new identity all by himself, and I know he has no qualms about keeping shit secret from everyone else.”
“Robin.” Danny thinks he remembers that name being referenced in relation to Batman. Something about a boy wonder. “Is he our age?”
“Yeah.” Superboy looks excited. “I could introduce you sometime if you want?”
“I dunno.” Even one Justice League associate knowing about him is concerning, and if Superboy knows about the thing with the train, then probably the adult members do too.
“Well, you don’t have to decide now! I have super hearing so if you call my name I’m almost guaranteed to hear it!”
“You can just hear me anytime?” Danny asks.
“Oh, uh. I mean technically yes? But generally it’s like effort to just tune into one person from a distance. But I listen for anybody calling for me, in case they need help or whatever, so I’m always kind of listening for that.”
“I’’ll keep that in mind, I guess.”
“Right. Uh, do you wanna tell me more about the planets?”
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