#just wouldve been lovely not to have to since that's. the point of the class

[fappellmoan]

ok i wish any of u could have been there in my class today sorry to wish that upon u ok i take it back im just mad i had to suffer i havent been that angry in a class and esp on behalf of my own work like maybe ever like. last semester i’d get annoyed but then id just go to my other prof or whatever and i was also distracted by film girl so like w/e but im really happy with my series idea and ive been having fun developing the characters and trying to figure out what i want to do yk but admittedly would’ve loved some feedback/ideas about how it’s working and etc (yk. the purpose of a fucking student writer’s room) and like. no one engaged with it at all. and yeah that sucks and the dramatic part of me is like well maybe i just suck but it’s like.. they didnt even try like they do with everyone else’s stories? i got pointless fucking questions some of which. litchrally had answers in the outline i provided. you know the whole central idea of class today. when i complained to my prof later on even he was like yeah who cares... (abt their questions. cause they did not matter to my story.) idk i was frustrated to the point that i was holding back tears lol so that was embarrassing. got told to my face that it seemed like i had like 20 minutes worth of content which just. isnt true i just didnt write word for word ‘and then she said this and she said that and he said this and then she did that’ like everybody fucking else did. use your goddamn imagination it’s a film class for god’s sake. and it’s not like anyone asked about what WAS there. oh also every single person that contributed was like yeah whatever this character’s name is haha forgot um yeah like whichever this one was. can you like pretend to care like you did with everyone else’s. it’s not even a 3 page outline u could like. look. youre gonna give more engagement and attention to the 9/11 self insert guy. yeah ok just say u hate women. that’s presumptuous of me i guess sorry. it was just sooooo annoying and i loved that class prior to this but obviously this stomped on my ego and im angry at like everyone who participated and yk. a few of them were ppl i liked before that so. bummer i guess

[fruitybashir]

Can't remember if you've talked about this a lot before so, hi, anything about Kris and Jan's relationship? Very curious, I love them!!

oh YES actually ive been dying to talk about them more lol since i couldnt fit any more backstory for them into holidate so let me just *cracks knuckles* tell you their whole deal actually

SO. basically the idea for how they met, got together, became best friends etc was this:

- they met as teens, probably were in the same class

- they discovered they had a lot of similar interests, same humour, very quickly got along really well and became really close friends

- they also both at that point had started to figure out their sexuality, but weren't open about it at all bc like. homophobia in school is no joke.

- at first that also meant they werent out to each other bc oh god what if i tell him and he thinks im disgusting and then he doesnt want to be my friend anymore and also outs me to the whole school and everyone will know

- im not sure exactly what happened but one of them wouldve accidentally found out about the other, the other wouldve panicked, but then like oh shit damn okay we're both queer?? nice!!

- if youve been a queer teen in an almost exclusively cishet environment and suddenly there was another queer teen, you probably know the experience of getting a crush on them partly literally just bc theyre also queer. so that happened.

- basically they were each others first queer relationship and did their first experimenting with each other etc

- they did however realised that hey actually? maybe romance isnt for them. maybe they just have a really deep friendship and they do love each other, just not like that - and that realisation is definitely 100% mutual from the start btw, no heartbreak for either of them, just relief

- so basically they just break off the romantic relationship and stay best friends etc etc

since then, jan has also been in kris' family and stuff like miha and chantal both love jan and treat him like a son. kris definitely first introduced him as a friend, and then came out to his parents with jan as his boyfriend and they werent thrilled but also not hateful. but they were relieved (at first) when they just went back to friends

idk if jan and kris still occasionally experimented or slept together or idk? i guess theyd definitely feel comfortable and secure enough with each other but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

overall (to me) theyre definitely a little more than just best friends but on a very platonic basis. they have a lot of love for each other, theyd kill and die and pretty much do anything for each other, its a very very deep and powerful friendship

oh also, its been mentioned in the fic that they regularly sleep over and also they sleep in the same bed and cuddle and all that, like thats all part of the previous statement. platonic intimacy and all that.

ummmmmm this was kinda just a very long ramble and idk how much of that last bit made sense buy heres some jankris extra lore for you <3

[lolotheparagon]

Helluva Boss is Hella Sexist to Both Men and Women - Part 1

Just saw a video about Helluva Boss and whether its sexist or not with portraying its female characters and that got me thinking:

Are Helluva Boss' writers misogynists?

No. No one INTENTIONALLY writes misogynistic material unless you're Bruce Timm or Blizzard but what they're writing DEFINITELY COMES ACROSS AS SEXIST because the writers are so busy juggling every plot thread and character arc at once, they forget to write the main fucking characters apart from Blitzo. ESPECIALLY its female characters like Millie, Loona, Stella and Octavia.

You can use good faith arguments until you're blue in the face, but the truth of the matter is treating ALL of their main female characters as vehicles for the male characters' development with little characterisation beyond that IS misogynistic.

Lets start with Millie.

Millie is the most egregious case since she's one of the main employees at IMP yet we barely see Millie do anything other than be Moxxie's wife or a killing machine. And the fact her only s1 episode "where we see her family " plot getting sidelined for a Moxxie plot is unbelievable. Millie is by far the show's most promising character you can write mountains of stories about. But instead the show makes her a crazy lovable girlboss TM without any goals or aspirations and only exists as Moxxie's support system. Shes fine if shes meant to be a side character but shes in a main ensemble cast and you CANT have one of your main 4 characters be just the cool badass wife who can benchpress a tractor. That's fine for a tumblr art post, not for a character in a professional episodic animated tv show

Loona is supposed to be 21 or something yet she acts like every surly teenager who abuses her adoptive father Blitz, who's done nothing but love and cherish her. Yet she always beats him up whenever Blitz is merely in her vicinity. And so far we havent got an episode or even A SCENE where Loona and Blitz just sit down and unpack everything. That one flashback of Loona being from a hellhound orphanage/pound wouldve been so interesting to explore as a full episode, but it was only set up so Blitz can have a panic attack. So, much like Millie, Loona's character arcs and plotlines get shifted aside for more dumb scenes and Brandon Rogers references. Loona doesn't even change her attitude towards others throughout the series so far and remains as sardonic and bitchy as ever, cos heaven forbid we have our characters develop. Fans wont buy our overpriced merch of our furry waifu otherwise.

Octavia only exists in the story to make Stolas look like the most wholesome dada so the fans will completely forget hes in an unhealthy power-imbalanced relationship with Blitz, a lower class imp, purely for sex but then grows romantically attached to which Blitz adamantly refuses to see it that way. (Stolas also has imps as servants which he treats with apathy or contempt so already sets a bad precedent) but circling back to Octavia, Stolas claims to love his daughter very much but we've never shown that often BUT STOLAS DOESNT EVEN CARE ABOUT OCTAVIA UNLESS SHES IN ACTUAL DANGER COS HE GETS DISTRACTED BY HORNY BLITZY OR IS TOO IMCOMPETENT TO DO ANYTHING PROACTIVE

In Loo Loo Land, he learns to be more considerate of her feelings and comforts her after ignoring her throughout the whole episode. What happens in the next Stolas and Octavia episode? Octavia gets dismissed by Stolas AGAIN, this time by his ex-wife, when she asks about a star event THEY PLANNED TO GO TO, so she runs away to the human world to see it for herself. And yet who consoles her at the observatory scene? FUCKING LOONA OF ALL PEOPLE! WHY CANT STOLAS GO UP THERE, FINALLY FINDING HER AT LAST AND TALK TO HER? YKNOW THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT WHY STOLAS IS IN THE HUMAN REALM TO BEGIN WITH??! HE'S WAITING AROUND IN A SITCOM AUDIENCE WHILE BLITZO DOES HIS FAILING ATTEMPTS AT COMEDY

Octavia's own feelings about her relationship with her dad, how her parents divorce has affected her, her relationship with her mother Stella, ITS ALL SIDELINED for more self-indulgent Stolitz shipping. I feel so sorry for Octavia, she deserves better. She should be adopted by Blitz, he's more an actual father figure than Stolas.

And finally, Stella. Stella is an interesting case cos I have no qualms with having a bitchy abusive wife villain for Stolas to fight back against. Im totally fine with Stolas standing up to Stella and finally divorcing that bitch. But I really wish Stella had more presence throughout the first season, constantly bringing up tension and stress to piss off Stolas, since she likes tormenting him so much. Cos piling all of her insults and cartoonishly over the top bitchiness in one episode (The Circus) was too much and with how that episode woobified Stolas already, it only added to the problem. Nothing inherently wrong character-wise with Stella, shes established as a unrepentant bitch and stays that way. She is ultimately a vehicle for Stolas' character development but shes not a main character so its fine. The story is not about her.

But I find it pretty rich that the show treats being Loona being abusive to her father figure for no good reason like a joke, whereas Stella's abuse of Stolas about to slap him is portrayed as a serious, shocking moment.

So in conclusion, Helluva Boss DOES push several negative stereotypes of women. The one-note girlboss wife who's plotlines always get shafted in support of the male characters (Millie), the teenager who's desperate for paternal love from her father, leaving her bored and neglectful but the father in question does some bare minimum effort and that's suddenly okay in her eyes (Octavia) and the double standard that abuse is funny when a woman is hitting a man (Loona and Blitzo). Except when it isnt (Stella and Stolas)

This show is a fucking mess: part 1

(I will elaborate on the male characters treatment in another post. If I forgot anything or made a mistake, let me know, im always open for feedback!

And yes, I'm aware I omitted Verosika Mayday from this list because she's ultimately harmless as a character and only exists as a rival to Blitz. Also she only appeared in two episodes so I dont have much to say about her.)

[rosekasa]

20 questions for fic writers!

thank u @jattendschaton for tagging me 🥺 i love these questions

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 107 on maketea, but with my um. two other accounts i have 128

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

on maketea i have 293,935, but with at least one of my other accounts (one of them is for ml and one of them for another fandom, the latter of which i cant be bothered to log in to rn shdjsk) the total is 313,681!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

miraculous ladybug mainly! but i have also written for owari no seraph. ive written for other fandoms but im not counting it if i literally only have one work to my name for them HSJAJA with ons at least i have 3 on maketea and 12 on my other account

THEORETICALLY. i also write for sailor moon. i have a substantial amount in my google docs. they just havent manifested themselves into existence yet

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

apology gifts, like poles of a magnet, new marinette, a nine-year old (fhfjsj), and i'll marry you! ive actually had kudos/hits/comments stats hidden on ao3 since 2021 so i have no clue how many kudos any of these have which is very funny to me

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to but i always get distracted midway through going through my inbox which is totally on me fjdkka. i always decide to do it when im literally in the middle of class for whatever fuckin reason HAHAHA. i also always feel bad because im like 'oh i havent replied to this in literally two years im too embarrassed to reply now'

i also want to reply with more than just 'thank you' because comments mean SO MUCH TO ME but i think i psych myself out of replying because im too scared i won't be able to express it properly

im trying to resolve to get better at it!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ehemememem. ya'aburnee.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ooh, id say new marinette! in terms of like. the emotional arc or whatever

i was gonna say lpoam, but i think there's still a bit of lingering Sad there

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i want to say no. but ive been writing fics for ten years now and i feel like i mustve done Something weird when i was younger

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep, for an old fandom on wattpad!

shdkska this is really funny, but back then i made a playlist for the fic, and i remember the person who translated it wrote in their translation of that chapter 'i wouldve done it differently but it's okay' that still makes me laugh

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yep, i did one for owari no seraph and one for ml! i have some others in the works tho hehe

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

guess

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

oh hmm. i think i am delusional and believe all my wips will someday be finished HDJFJSJS so im changing this question to 'doubt you will in the near future'. for that, id say maybeeee my amnesia adrien fic. 40k words in the doc and babe is still marinating

16. What are your writing strengths?

hmm. i think im quite good at writing interactions! i mean, i like the way i write them at least. i love capturing the feeling of being with people and i think i do it well!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

there's something that feels kind of hesitant when i read my docs sometimes? it feels like im worried to hit the point of the plot head-on and skirting around what i actually want to say. i think what i'm trying to do to improve is to be a bit more direct in my narration style and focus on being descriptive only when it's needed.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

ive done it before!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh i dont want to answer this. one direction

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

like poles of a magnet <3

tagging @destiny-with-you , @mozzygan , @asukiess , @ladyofthenoodle , and whoever else wants to do this!!! just say i tagged u when u do it hehe

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

5, 15, 46 please!!

ty !!

5. What’s their love language like? Are they compatible with one another?

i talked about it in the other ask you sent in much more detail, so ill just focus on the are they compatible. (to summarize jensens is acts of service and bryces is quality time.)

yes, they are 100% compatible in that sense. bryce Loves doing little things for jensen when he can, and is very grateful that jensen trusts him with his more particular chores. bryce never really had to do many chores growing up, so being able to do that for jensen is special for him, too

jensen struggles a little more to give bryce quality time just because of how much he works, but he most certainly tries his best. when they are together jensens focus is usually fully on bryce so he definitely fulfills the quality part, and, of course, he enjoys spending time with him, so its never something thats a struggle or anything

15. What names are they saved as on each other’s phone?

they both had each others as just their names for the longest time, but at some point jensen changed bryces to b(itch)ryce. bryce obviously found out and went on a hunt to find any names/nicknames jensen hated (before the whole stupid nicknames thing). he found out through some of his and aliyahs posts that they used to jokingly call him jen, later extended to jenny, and jensen hates it. its stuck ever since and both of them refuse to change it (bryce is the only one who gets to use it/call him that ever so its kinda become a Thing)

46. Would they have been friends with each other in school?

high school and before hell the fuck no. jensen wouldve despised bryce (not because of his intelligence, because he was a rich mf who did whatever the hell he wanted). after the thing with bryces parents i think jensen wouldve been more receptive to him, but realistically they wouldnt have been friends until college/med school. college wouldve been iffy, more just in-class friends who text for homework and do group projects together, but med school wouldve been where they were actual friends. probably a fwb deal more than anything, but the wouldve had a lot of little study sessions and such

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

mega mega fumin'

ok yall so ive been in college for a week and two days (everybody clap) its been fun, most of the ppl here are queer and ppl are very nice, my classes are going well so far :))))))))

and ive been watching tua s4 as a part of my nightly routine while i redo my hair for bed.

and um

i combed my hair for the week today while finishing the season and i have some thoughts on the matter.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY SEASON 4 UNDER THE CUT

what in the everloving fuck was that

i already want to rewrite the lorax in a very dark manner after listening to biggering but that??? THAT?????? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??????

HE NEEDS TO COUNT HIS FUCKING DAYS WHO WAS IN THE GODDAMN WRITING ROOM IM THROWING CHAIRS AND TABLES, FUCK A HAND

the romance plotline was ass and wasnt in character AT ALL, i dont see it as a part of reality that exists, both for five and also lila.

lila is not that shallow of a woman or a mother to just do that, i think we all know that she cares a hell of a lot about her marriage with diego AS WELL AS HER FUCKING CHILDREN than to do something like that. even with her entire chaos personality and potentially using people, she would NOT go that far because her love for her family does not outweigh 7 years of no dick.

and five is quite literally one of the most intelligent characters in the series (it shouldve been him and dolores). nothing could ever convince me that he would fall in love with his BROTHER'S WIFE and feel no immediate remorse towards it, once again, 7 years or 7 fucking decades, please leave your complaints in my vacuum of "i dont give a fuck".

i actually liked ben and jennifer as characters interacting. if we take out the marigold and durango wimey shit, i wouldve loved to see them be in love and interact with each other as is. i think he deserves nice things. also since its literally been two years since i watched season 3 bc i watched it one, during a really shitty ongoing OCD episode and two, because i thought it was an "ok" season. (almost said bad, but we now know our standards were much much too low). there was also a point in which i thought that ben and jennifer were connected bc she came out of a giant squid (in which wtf), and ben has tentacle powers??? idk its odd to me too, don't worry.

reggie i hope you choke asshat, as well as you and your wife. at first i thought homegirl was a bootlicker but no i cant really call her that. she was fr like "well it was my death, you chose to bring me back fuck u hubby" erm yeah that was definitely something, viktor you shouldve killed him when you had the chance honey. also i blame reginald for that shit, he was the goddamn anomaly, not the entire umbrella academy???? at first i thought five blinking into the apocalypse all those years ago was the anomaly, but nooo we're gonna blame the abuse victims. *rolls eyes*

more about him um his entire "im gonna bring her back" shit was giving gendo ikari (for those of you who don't know, gendo ikari is an antagonist and key character in the anime neon genesis evangelion, in which he was a miserable fuck and loved his wife so much he killed the entire world to see her again, then that didnt even happen). him taking the shot on the ben and jennifer amalgamation which in the end triggered the cleanse???? that was weird to me. like him being an asshole wasn't weird, that's already been established, but their death and recombination just triggering an event that severe???? wild, still kinda confused.

the only way i could see raymond walking out on allison is if she really, and i mean REALLY fucked up. but given everything that she has done in the past, i think she learned her lesson. raymond would never, i wouldve preferred him to have died off-screen than to have walked out bc???? anyway moving tf on.

i enjoyed klaus a lot this season bc hes my favorite but also because a part of me enjoyed seeing a different, more "real" anxious side of him. (that i could relate to a bit more). after reading a few opinions and watching the deleted scene where he went to an AA meeting and finally actually admitted he was an alcoholic to himself......steve blackman wtf. was this the bad ending, did we all fuck up that bad in our choices that we got HERE????? im kissing him on the forehead, i cant believe the last time i saw klaus hargreeves on tv there were actual tears coming down his face im....im so sick y'all.

whoever decided to put all that vomit in the episode please dont do that again. i know you cant put warnings for literal barf on a tv show but as someone who suffered through the roaches of season 3, then had to take breaks watching the sick episode of this season bc emetophobia......ew. (the baby shark shit was funny as hell to me oopsie)

i actually kinda enjoyed jean and gene as characters, their dynamic was entertaining to me, but i wish i got to see more of their history, i especially found it a little weird how jean was holding gene's face in the episode that five and lila were in the meeting together.....i wanna know more.

erm i think the concept of the keepers was also interesting. like a little group of people who know they see some weird shit and find other folks, kinda neat.

the casual drop that one of the fives made the commission???? we're just gonna brush past that???? like it makes a fuck ton of sense bc its a collection of fives we're talking about but i just.....that was a shock to me, one in which i felt i had little time to recover from given it was the last fucking episode and everything that happened after that....happened.

i liked luther the most in this season methinks. i think i had to realize him being shitty in season 1 specifically was partially a trauma response, and he felt he still had to act how he was expected to. once again, fuck you reginald hargreeves, please kiss the darkest part of my black ass.

yeah lets all just ignore all the shit that happened and either let season 3 be the end where they all go their separate ways or even better, season 2 bc that shit was peak highkey.

[phightingconfessions]

ik this isnt a confession but i had sooo much more to say about magical girls but i knew that ask wouldve been a mile long if i said Anything (they've been my special interest like all of my life..)

but pls pls im a huge nerd abt magical girls id love to hear abt ur ocs 🥺🥺🥺🥺

-🕷️

I LOVE MAGICAL GIRLS!!!!!! its a very passive interest for me but oughh i love magical girls so much as a concept... theyre so silly ive been meaning to watch more mg animes....... sailor moon and madoka magica i will always love u

IF I WENT ON ABT MY OCS THIS POST WOULD BE A MILE LONGoh my god i can put stuff under the cut EVERYONE IGNORE THE CUT IF YOU DGAF ABOUT MAGICAL GIRLS

the general concept for the world is What If Magical Girls Worked For The Government bc i feel like that is such an interesting concept.. like magical girls being public knowledge...... i wanna clean up some of the world lore first everythings been a very heavy wip but the plan is for it to be a public community kinda thing... almost like how scp is a community made project.... people can make their own mgs and play with them like touys....

i wanna flesh out the floaty guys and the worms more bc theyre the weakest point of this whole oc-verse but i havent had the brainpower to do so yet.... this world is almost 2 years old in december actually i forgot how long its been since i worked on this

to elaborate on the "by force" bit, one of my ocs (harvey kendall) literally woke up one day to attend classes and saw a mg charm on his desk and was like "ooohhh my god i just wanna finish out my major. why me of all people." bro thought being a magical girl was for one day!! he mad!!!!

heres some of the general most common groups and random lore bits for them, blood moon corp is still being thought over in my head bc i need to figure out more logistics for them

all of the groups are really neutral, the government will kill magical girls who arent actively working for them but still treat their employed magical girls with decent levels of respect and very good living situations, ssu is working towards a very good goal but theyre a bit too strict on how their magical girls can behave and have almost a puritan quality to them (most mgs that work for them arent THAT uppity, its most the senior mgs), rift is generally seen as the best option for rogues but they dont pay anything so its really a matter of if youre comfortable HAVING to work a day job and dropping it at a moments notice to go help out, blood moon corp is mostly normal outside of the using its dead members magic to resurrect an old mg (theyre also vaguely unwelcoming, most of them dont really like interacting with each other), rogue uncontracted offers genuinely no sort of support so its seen as the riskiest but you also dont have to adhere to any sort of rules or goals and can do whatever you want

and heres all of the current ocs :) (basil is mod rocket ive looped it into this universe by force)

soo!!! thats it!!!!!!! sorry for the lore dump i am so normal about my ocs im so normal im so [paces in a circle]

[normalestgirlblog]

UPDATE

so i kind of have a new boy

hes older which scares me in a lot of ways

not that much older like 2 years im being dramatic

but obviously like high school me is flipping shit bc i was so in love with so many of the boys 2 years above me like i was actually obsessed with them and they were kind of like the last era of boys i was obsessed with when i used to be boy crazy

and when i say i used to be boy crazy I USED TO BE FUCKING INSANE AND DELUSIONAL

like a boy would ask me the time and i would think about it for a month type delusional

and atp all my friends were like hooking up / like fucking and everyone thought i was a lesbian, which may have been my fault whoops. i ruined my chances with girls because i may have been a little pyscho to my first girl but she was also fucking crazy in my defense. and then i ruined my chances with guys because everyone thought i was a lesbian bc bitches did not know that bisexuality was an actual thing

anyways

i was just obsessed with boys without even knowing them and it was always the ones like 2 years above me, 3 years was too far, and 1 year was too close plus they were not nearly as cute as the boys 2 years above me. like my art class was fucking incredible for me. although as soon as u get to know them it gets like problematic and i lose feelings. like i was properly obsessed with this boy in my art class, and one day we did this exercise where basically we had to talk about people that we hated. and literally out of nowhere he was like I hate Colin Kaepernick, which like is just so inherently horrible on so many levels. i get that he was like an army boy, he ended up going to west point and like whatever army boys are really sensitive about that stuff. But wtf like 1 that was the first name u came up with and 2 you are so fucking dense that you cant see how thats a problematic thing to say and 3 if you are so invested into this hatred did you at least take the time to understand why he did it. the answer to that last one is def not, because if he did he wouldnt have said that. i didnt even know that people like werent on his side. maybe im close minded to conservatives but like what the hell. Either way my crush was kind of obliterated into a million pieces, i would argue that my heart broke that day during art class.

obviously i would have heart wrenching crushes on people in other grades, but that grade was so good, so mysterious, so like lively and just very obsessable. People in my grade were so outwardly horrible that it was very hard to sustain an obsession on anyone.

however, the reason i havent had an obsession like crush on anyone since then except for this boy and he who shall not be mentioned, might be because i started smoking consistently after this era. and it kind of filled the hole where obsession existed and fed off my romantic ideals and delusional mind. weed like just made me not think or delude myself into liking people that were not good for me or anyone. and honestly if it also filled the hole of insecurity and all of the other stupid reasons i got suspended that wouldve been great too. it made me not care about delusional shit but did not fix me in the ways that i needed. it was never enough. fuck. and now that i dont smoke im getting fucking obsessed with boys again. it feels good but obviously also feels horrible because of the amount of panic attacks and insecurity that comes with liking a fucking boy.

liking a girl isnt much better, i also went crazy doing shit like that, but i havent done that in a while either. its worse to have an obsession with a guy that you know and are actively talking to. because you are just as delusional while they are making u feel bad about yourself to your face, and its not intentional but its not accidental. men are just manipulative creatures that have developed methods of getting what they want from women by playing into these fucking fantasies. that we are socially bred to have. like if i wasnt surrounded by notions of romance and loving a man despite his many many faults, and that my self-worth comes from having sex and being with a man, i would not be this fucked up over a fucking man.

And it honestly makes it worse that I know all of this, and I am still behaving like this. like i see the problem, i understand it, where it came from, why it exists, how it subjugates me and the women even gay women around me. there is still this compulsory subservience of men that is translated into this want and need for their attention and approval and validation. its so fucking twisted. and yet i find myself wanting them, needing them, allowing them into my heart and stomach and blood and brain and just letting them fuck all of my shit up. WHY. its not like i am stupid. i think. but like why. im miserable with them and im miserable without them. maybe im the problem?

i wonder what its like to be a man, to have this much power over women.

wait i got so off topic im just realizing. idk how it is possible but every single one of my posts turns into something depressing and existential. but i am actually happy. i do feel like im going a little bit crazy over the situation, and i am also still leading on the other girl bc i just cant bring myself to break her heart. but new obsession helping me get over old obsession and thats all a girl can really ask for.

however

i am not sure how in detail i can get abt sexual things on this app these days, but i need to get this out because it is bothering me. we were hooking up whatever and he was like i dont have a condom. obviously because i am easy and didnt suspect him to be a whore i was like oh lol thats fine idc. but then he was like oh i dont want to without a condom. which i know is normal and like very healthy but my mind is like a fucking maze of possibilities. one, that he thinks i have an std which is possible since i told him i havent used a condom in a while whoops. two, that he has an std, but we did other things that would make me not believe that. three, that he is really that nervous about getting me pregnant or stds in general, which in that case i would begin to question how nervous he is as a person and whether or not hes being really normal and im the freak, or the cautiousness of that act means something else. either way, im a fucking psychopath and no matter what anyone does im going to think of all the worst possibilities of what something could mean. this is why i like doing this and like unloading all of my thoughts because i get to see how anxious i truly am like i feel so fucking self aware right now its almost turning me on.

i dont think hes a freak, i think hes really normal. i am probably the freak that i find that really odd. also his body is so hard. its nice. and his face, but the beard scruff thing going on left my face RED.

im also completely overthinking all of it becasue it is unfortunately impossible for us to continue whatever has just been started because he is MOVING TO FUCKING SPAIN. fucker. its like he doesnt even care about me. im having a salvatore moment i suspect, and after its over a california moment. if i reference all of my romantic inclinations in terms of lana del rey songs it helps me like process them. still waiting for my groupie love <3

[dreamdripdistance]

ok im gonna do my album rating of 5 star by skz. anthony fantano eat ur heart out. this is very long winded lol.

hall of fame: BANGER i always love skz's opening tracks and theyve always been my fave, and this one carries on that tradition, that lil synth in the bg reminds me of phobia? maybe? smth like that but it rules. banger. love chans "hear the people call my name-" line, it just gets u so fucking HYPEEEE.... some if it reminds me of like. scifi movie soundtracks?

s-class: ok this rules and exemplifies the kinda annoying kpop that i Love. cant wait to put this on the car stereo and torture my siblings with it :) i love the lil breakdown with changbin and han's rap, its kinda off but its saur silly i like it. hate felix's delivery in his pre-chorus line though, it sounds weird? lmao... love them bringing back the hiphop influences to their stuff, it just works with their vocals and Vibe so well!!! seungmin looks so fiiiine in the mv too <333 augh <3333

i dont really see this sticking around for very long unfortunately, like a lot of skz title tracks? its just a lil out there compared to majority of kpop title tracks out at the moment which is a good thing and is why i love the group, but its probably going to get swept up by smth else :(

item: ok this is annoying as fuck in bits but a BANGER in others, "ITEM! ITEM! ITEM! ITEM!" is gonna be stuck in my head, and the lil post/mid chorus thing absolutely rules, its very catchy lmao (reminds me of smth? itll come to me at some point)!! chan and seungmin <333 AND minho rapping ??? augh <333333333 have i mentioned this is catchy as all fuck? it really gets stuck in ur head lmao, like it got stuck in my head from the fuckin teasers lmao... the prechorus melodic bit is a bit forgettable but it serves its purpose lol

super bowl: why is an nct song in this album? also i haaaate whisper vocals and the concept is kinda.... idk, its like gods menu but a bit more try hard? i understand the kinda darker sound theyre going for and its a banger !!! but ough the lyrics make me wanna shrivel up i cannot. i Cannot. im so sorry i cant even listen to this ironically, and i Religiously listen to regular (english version) by nct127. work.

topline: ok this slaps im sorry like FUCK!!!! WHAT A BANGER !!!!!!!! the prechorus line "we dont give a fu-" is so funny to me please let these fully grown ass men swear jyp its gonna be okay lmao... i also Love tiger jk's feature, wish he was in it more lol. BANGER. fave song so far, its so cohesive to me and it works so well with their sound and vibe im obsessed, i feel like i need to fucking blast this over some loud ass speakers. best song of the album

dlc: im so sorry . i dislike this. lmao. this sounds like some kinda 2018 radio shit. i have no other words, i p much skipped it a minute in. i cant handle the Quirky piano sample in the "we're only going to dance like crazy" part and the breakdown is so mid

get lit: THIS REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER SONG that i cant exactly name (ill figure it out n edit it in) but ITS P GOOD, i love minho's higher range he has such a fun vocal texture <3 the breakdown is kinda boring especially since we have such Good examples from skz already but its still a banger, if they have a choreo to this ill be excited to see it. this absolutely wouldve been a main track if this was a different group tbh, and i LOVE the overall more lines given to lee know in the album im so !!! he finally gets the lines he deserves <3

collision: i never particularly like the slower tracks from skz??? theres some exceptions but most of their voices lend to their normal gig which is fast paced and hype shit, and this is an example of that. idk, its alright. i like it ig, i didnt skip it halfway like dlc, so. lmao HFBDKDB. its fine lmao, defo a b-side

fnf: this almost sounds like its trying too hard to be Sincere and Emotional ??? idk. same kinda deal that dlc had, its not like skz CANT do emotional (phobia my beloved) but its just kinda? idk? it falls flat.

however, i havent seen the lyrics translation but i heard this song (and the mv coming out) is dedicated to the recovery and the victims from the 2020 australian bushfires, which is really sweet and personally i know people in my life who would be really touched by that, so maybe the mv and lyrics will change my opinion, but on the surface from an eng speaker it falls kinda flat instrumentally

youtiful: im sorry i cant listen to this im so sorry i respect and love the people who think this song is so meaningful and great and whatever but im sorry i Cannot. i didnt even get a minute in. godbless. thank you saur much.

the sound (korean version): this song always reminded me of like district 9 lmao. my opinion of this song stayed the same from the og jpn version, except maybe i like the flow of the kr ver. raps slightly more? their jpn releases and lyrics have gotten a lot better in 'the sound' tho lmao

mixtape: time out: 90's movie ending song??????? sure! very different for skz, i have to respect it tho lmao. kinda just reminds me of day6 HRBDKDHS

AND THATS IT!!!! overall a W of an album, i havent been hyped for a release since go live, since noeasy was where i kinda dropped off with their albums, and that continued on until case 143 (which is imo. worst skz main track. sorry.) but yeah! love these guys very much and im excited for this album to absolutely destroy my spotify wrapped like go live/in life did ! YIPPEEEE

[letsgetshlushies]

TW: all kinds of mental issues, trauma dumping, talking bad about my friend etc

I finally reached my fucking breaking point. I've been busy with uni and all kinds of other stuff and now I'm on break between the 2nd and 3rd semester. I go to "art" school but it's more like digital art like programming, web design, game design, film etc. I'm working on my final projects for this semester and I'm doing pretty well. For my film class I wanted to film a trailer for a non existing 80s horror slasher and my friend from uni volunteered to work with me on the project (so the grade will count for both of us) I asked my best friend like a month before break started if she and her bf would play the main characters in the trailer and she said yes. From there on we planned everything, scouted locations, made probs etc. At one point my best friend says it would be nice if we could wait with filming until feb 13th because then she will be done with her last exam and i said sure, i know this is important for you so I will just work on my other projects before that.

In the last few days since the 13th i asked her countless times when she and her bf will be ready to film and i never got a proper answer. My project partner now managed to get the filming equipment from the school and on wednesday we would be good to go. I ask my best friend again if she has time from wednesday on. She said no. She works from today until Thursday, which i fully understand, but then goes to tell me she will spend thursday to sunday at her bfs place? Why? She knows i have to finish the project until the 5th. That would give us less than a week to film, cut and edit. I'm so fucking mad at her. If I would have known this I wouldve asked someone else or decided on a different idea entirely. I waited until the 13th so she could study for her exam and now that its time for my project she just goes to spend time with her bf? And my project partner is obviously affected by this too but Miss Antisocial obviously couldn't care less about anyone but herself or her boyfriend. I get it, you hate people and you're better than everyone else but why are you making that someone elses problem. I'm crying so much because this is my project and my responsibility and it's all falling apart right before my eyes. I was so excited to finally do this idea, especially with my best friend and I was so glad to have found someone who would do the project with me. We always say that we are soulmates. Eachothers ride or die. So why is she being so selfish now?? I just don't understand. I never had a single real friend up until 9th grade and the moment we met I worshipped her. And now it turns out she's just like everyone else. I am so sick of people. I am so sick of everyone. All humans suck and I wish this fucking planet would just explode already. I don't wanna be one of those cynical assholes that say you can't rely on anyone but obviously it's true. I have absolutely no idea how to manage all of this now. Why can she not put her plans aside for my sake just like i did for her? Is my education not important? Am I not important enough for her to do that for me? I hate people and I wish I wasn't one of them. People who will drop you as soon as they have found someone else. She started replacing me with her boyfriend the moment they got together. And my aroace ass doesn't understand. I hate love and I hate people who love, it's fucking disgusting and annoying and all my friends are dating and no one gives a shit about me. Friends are only placeholders until people find romantic love and its absolutely disgusting. All my friends with partners will ignore me and my messages until they finally can spare a second to type a one word reply. I'm so sick of everyone. I feel so alienated from everyone. I will never be able to related to anyone. I feel like nothing is real. I feel inhuman, like I'm a different species that got dropped on earth and I'm only here to observe. And now I'm crying and shaking because of that dumb fucking project. And as always I know I will get through this. And I also know I can't be mad at my best friend. She is my best friend after all. And if I would get mad she would play the victim card like she alwaya does. She will guilttrip me and trauma dump on me and tell me she will kill herself until I fold. I'm always the one who backs down. I'm always the one who understands. I never complain, I never tell anyone about my issues, I just nod my head and listen. That's what this fucking blog is for i guess. This will be the first time I tag a post because maybe someone has an answer for me.

[zamalie]

im required to finish a speech class for my AA and i initially went oh. Just once huh. Yeah this is fine I can power through it! what could go wrong

[scottspack]

im 6 years post-high school graduation and the steady stream of people who turned out not to be straight has yet to cease!

[pivsketch]

whole bunch of taggart sketches from earlier this year, and then some

as far as design notes go, basil covers the "cute scruffy mysterious recovering asshole" department so taggart covers the "cute soft sweetheart who is just a little bit unhinged on closer inspection" department.

taggart facts™

his first name is jomar but he hasnt really gone by it since public school-- at home his family uses endearing nicknames exclusively (marmar...) and everywhere else he's just taggart the wrestleguy. which is fine by him, he doesnt like it when people inevitably shorten his name to joe anyway. thats his dad's name. he thinks thats weird.

his parents have had ample time to come to terms with the fact that all taggart wants and likes to do is wrestle, and by this point are supportive of the endeavors of their sole remaining child. its fine. its fine. he has a good relationship with his family (which is more than i can say for basil).

he owns a house (it was originally his uncle's house, which his parents took over/bought, which was then transferred to him for tax reasons). most of his extended family uses it as storage, so few of the things at the house actually belong to him. he's been renting out a room to basil for years now.

he loves wrestling. hes loved it ever since a neighbor teen introduced it to him as a kid. its his entire life and everything. when he turned 18 he finally got to do official™ wrestling alongside that same neighbor teen-now-adult-childhood-friend-established-wrestler. unfortunately taggart had to take a step back from wrestling to help save the family business (bakery), an arrangement that lasted a little bit longer than he wouldve liked. when he was able to return to wrestling, he took a class at wrestleschool to get some formal training from a cool wrestleguy. hes really, really happy to be back at wrestling.

he's actually, surprisingly very techy (his mom is/was a programmer) and has an insane NAS storage setup (you know. for all the wrestling). he also knows a lot about setting up and running audio/video stuff, but downplays this after an incident where a local promotion desperately needed an a/v guy to run stuff and kept stringing him along because he was more useful to them backstage than in the ring. bro he wants to WRESTLE

taggart secretly runs a prolific wrestleblog that he posts reviews/waxes poetic on, but doesnt tie it to himself on purpose so people don't get weird at him for saying something critical about their match.

did i mention taggart loves wrestling? well, he does. and, you see, there was this guy at wrestleschool, who didn't know much about wrestling to begin with, but was invested in it enough to end up moving into the intermediate/advanced class that taggart was in. and he was very receptive to taggart talking his ear off about everything that had to do with wrestling, and taggart got to see something beautiful, in the form of someone liking wrestling in the specific same way he did with a similar amount of intensity. he saw a familiar spark in this guy's eyes, and then he'd go on to see that spark mysteriously hindered for reasons unknown to him. and he'd really like for that to change, even if he doesn't know how. also this guy lives in his house and is named basil

[hufflautia]

“we’re not just friends and you fucking know it.” and/or “would you just shut up and kiss me already”

Warnings: Smut. 18+ only.

Hufflepuff watched as Slytherin shut the door behind them. He's mad, she thought, suppressing a smirk. This is gonna be a long night.

Slytherin walked over to where Hufflepuff was sitting. She mindlessly drummed her nails against the wooden table, not bothering to meet his gaze. She knew his eyes were on her. They always were.

"Why did you bring me to your room," Hufflepuff sighed. "We're missing the reunion."

Slytherin ignored her question. "What kind of bullshit was that?"

She tilted her head, feigning an innocent look. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I just told Gryffindor that you and I are friends."

He leaned in with his hands resting against the arms of the chair, trapping her in. His hot breath kissed her cheek as he spoke.

"We're not just friends and you fucking know it."

When they had made the mutual decision to have sex with no strings attached a couple of months ago, Hufflepuff was fine with it. But there was an instance where she had waken up earlier than he did and her eyes were drawn to the way soft puffs of air left his lips. And then she began laughing at his jokes more. More than once, her heart raced uncomfortably fast at the feeling of his lips dragging torturously slow over her bare skin. She brushed this off and reasoned that other people would have a similar reaction. But it got to the point where she laid in bed at night with the sweet lull of sleep nowhere to be found, for she could not stop thinking about him. It was then that she knew she had done the exact thing she had forbade herself to do. She had fallen in love with Slytherin Lestrange.

Slytherin never seemed to realize. He couldn't even notice the difference in the way she kissed him or the fact that her eyes clung to him when he laughed or flashed one of his signature smirks that she had initially found to be annoying; she now considered it to be one of his most endearing qualities.

But now Hufflepuff was fed up. It was annoying to love a guy who was totally oblivious. So when Slytherin brought her to his room at the hotel they were staying at for the class reunion, she was gonna make it hurt. She wanted him to feel how frustrating it was to be with someone who was clueless.

"Friends with benefits, maybe." Her tone was icy. "But nothing more than that."

An unreadable expression washed over his face and Hufflepuff furrowed her eyebrows. What was that?

"Okay," he said slowly. "Then why didn't you say that?"

"Are you kidding me?" She sat up in her chair. Their faces were inches apart. "Did you really want me to tell Gryffindor that we're fucking?"

He smirked.

"If it'll let him know that you're mine."

The word sent a searing hot sensation through her body, the heat between her legs becoming harder to ignore. But she refused to let him have the satisfaction of knowing the effect he had on her.

"Why are you so pressed about this anyway," she said, changing the subject. "It's only Gryffindor."

"Gryffindor," he growled, the tenor of his voice making her uncomfortably needy. "You mean the guy who's been trying to make a move on you since fifth year?"

"That was years ago," she exhaled before she stood and walked towards the window. She gazed upon the view. "This is our class reunion. He's probably gotten over his little crush by now." Hufflepuff ignored Slytherin as he walked up behind her. His torso pressed against her back.

"He definitely didn't," he glowered, "and we both know it."

A teasing smile pulled at her lips. "Good for me, I guess. Maybe I'll pay him a little visit later tonight."

Hufflepuff had to bite back a laugh when she felt him tense up - it was so easy to rile him up sometimes. Her smile faded when he slipped his hands around her hips.

"I'll ignore what happened with Gryffindor," he said coolly, his lips brushing against the shell of her ear. His hands slid under her dress, and Hufflepuff hitched her breath as they slowly traveled towards her cunt, leaving a touch of fire. The air in her lungs seemed to disappear at his next words.

"Because he's not the one fucking you senseless every day."

Her resolve began to crumble as his hands skimmed along her inner thighs, coming dangerously close to her clothed clit.

"He's not the one whose name you cry out at night," he continued. "He doesn't know how to touch you, where to touch you. He doesn't know how to make you scream." Hufflepuff gasped when his thumb met her clit. Her head fell back against his shoulder as he made slow circular motions over the bud, giving her the pleasure she craved. His erection pressed against her back as she whimpered and mewled under his touch.

A whine escaped her throat when he suddenly drew his hand away. Confused, she opened her eyes and turned. His hands were still on her hips as he watched her, a smirk on his face.

"Gryffindor," he drawled with dark eyes, "isn't the one who memorized every curve of your body. He's not the one leaving you begging for more. He doesn't know how good your tight cunt feels around—"

"But you do," Hufflepuff breathed. "It's you who knows how to make me feel good." The corner of his lips lifted smugly. Her cheeks were flushed as she gazed up at him. "Now would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

Slytherin stepped closer until their chests touched, their breaths meeting each other in the middle.

"Admit we're more than friends," he murmured, "and I'll do more than just kiss you."

~

I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN SOMETHING THAT SMUTTY BEFORE OH MY GOSH I CANT COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I LAUGHED BC SOMETIMES I LAUGH WHEN IM NERVOUS. is it bad that i listened to Call Me By Your Name while writing the ending:'). i actually have written something smuttier when i was drafting this fic for someone who requested sly and huff's first time. i havent finished but that's 10x more smutty than this.

This had more angst than I expected lmao I would've continued writing but this fic is long enough already and I also liked how it ended. But if I HAD continued, I would've addressed the angst situation and continued the story with something like this:

A somber expression washed over Hufflepuff's face, and she looked away. Slytherin furrowed his eyebrows, not expecting this reaction. He gingerly touched her hand.

"What do you want me to say, Slytherin?" she murmured, keeping her gaze on the floor. [would've written something that flows well to the next paragraph and insinuates that Hufflepuff is like "what are we to you?"

He didn't respond immediately, [would've written something that signifies his confusion, like he didnt understand what she was asking but then he does]

"I..." [would've written more dialogue but I don't have any ideas rn. i was about to realllyyyy think about this and then i stopped myself and was like jess stop it this isnt an official part 2, just wing it, ur getting way too ahead of urself]

-something happens where sly says you like me and huff is like ???? HOW. DO U KNOW. and then sly brings up this time when huff kissed him softly and she gets defensive-

"You kissed me back!" she retorts.

"I did," he said coolly.

She blinks, making the connection.

"You did," she repeats.

^basically insinuates that yes,he kissed her back, so he lieks her too and huff just realized that (via the "you did") and then i wouldve thought of a way to transition that and make it fluffy and then they fuck but i leabe the ending ambiguous like how i had left the original story. also i kinda hinted that sly liked her too by including this line: "An unreadable expression washed over his face and Hufflepuff furrowed her eyebrows. What was that?"

And that's the end, folks! Hope you enjoyeeed

[iwaisuke]

confessions; but not remembering it

ft. kita shinsuke, sakusa kiyoomi x sick fem!reader

genre: fluff

masterlist

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and then i rushed bc i was getting tired 🙃 also. sakusa's is a little ooc. sorry ab that

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

» the clean yet musty smell of rain filled the gym as the boys practiced. it was a surprisingly humid and rainy spring day today here in the country side of hyogo

» "achoo" you had been sneezing and coughing all day. you also had a terrible headache but took some medicine to see if it would help. the spring allergies really getting to you

» you didnt reay have the time to be worrying about yourself. As a 2nd year manager of the inarizaki team, (recommend by suna) and the boys working so hard practicing for nationals there was no way you'd let this little cold get in the way. you had to work just as hard as everyone else!

» "hold on, im about to hang up your jerseys to dry"

» "i got you guys some fresh towels!"

» "i can run and grab that coach. im headed that way anyways"

» the coach called for a short break to rest up for a bit. everyone was sore and exhausted from practicing every day. "here. i filled your water bottles up!" handing them to all the boys. "y/n you're all wet" akagi sounded concerned.

» "hm? oh its alright. I'll dry off in a minute. i took the shortcut to the drinking fountain to refill your waterbottles instead of taking the long way" you nonchalantly said. "so you ran through the rain like an idiot?" suna threw a clean towel over your damp hair and ruffled it. "suna!! stop!! you're gonna ruin my hair"

» "like i said. its alright" you reassured the boys.

» kita, on the other hand had noticed your fatigue. although he wasnt as perceptive on peoples feeling and thoughts as well as others, he could easily pick up signs like yours. he admired you dearly for how hard you always work for the team. how you willingly did anything to make them smile. how you always put others first before yours. needless to say, he had a bit of a crush on you.

» "l/n san. i think you should take a break too. there's no need for you to be running around for us while we're resting" kita assured you. "i still have a few things left on my list to do.. but afterwards I'll take a break!" kita let out a sigh. you were stubborn sometimes and kita knew you were the kind of person to not stop until you're finished.

» "I'll be right back. i gotta grab the laundry"

» making an excuse to leave, your heart was beating fast. you knew kita's words were the kind he'd say to anyone, but it made your heart feel fuzzy when he'd look out for you.

» the stone cold captain who you thought he was, actually was so kind. he was just a little awkward like you, and a little blunt with what he said sometimes. but you learned the great qualities he carries and how much he actually cares about others well being. he was a hard worker and you couldnt help but absentmindedly fall for the captain.

» running up the stairs to the second floor of the gym, you felt a shift in your step. head becoming dizzier than it was just 5 minutes ago. legs trembling, you started falling before feeling a presence behind.

» kita's arm wrapped around your waist, supporting you in efforts to not letting you fall over. "i told you to rest l/n san" kita said sternly. "you wont benefit anyone if you keep overworking like this."

» you knew kita was right, but you really didnt want to rest knowing you'll be letting the team down by not working hard.

» "i promise I'll rest as soon as im done with this one thing" pleading with kita. he let out a sigh, knowing you really wouldnt until you did finish so he allowed you to do so.

» finishing grabbing all of the dry jerseys and bringing them downstairs to pass out to everyone, you didnt really notice atsumu and osamu spiking volleyballs at each other until aran yelled

» "y/n! watch out!" honestly, you were too tired to move out of the way so you figured, it do be like that sometimes, and allowed the ball to hit you.

» or... so you had planned the ball to hit you.

» kita stood in front, blocking the impact of the spike that you had prepared yourself for. there was agitation in kita's eyes. more than you usually noticed when then twins were miss behaving. concern washing over, he looked you straight in the eyes

» "... is there something wrong kita san?" lifting up his hand to your forehead, he let out a sigh. "why didnt you tell me earlier you had a fever", then walking over to the coach meanwhile atsumu and osamu come over to apologise for being reckless.

» "get your stuff. we're going home" kita said bluntly.

» "huh? but practice is-"

» "please l/n san. for me"

» kita would only take yes for an answer this time. no if's ands or buts. so here you were, walking home with kita. only the sound of raindrops hitting your shared umbrella being heard.

» muscles starting to ache a little more and your legs becoming more tired than they were when you left the gym, you began to walk a little slower every step

» "get on my back l/n" "its ok kita san, i can walk. its already enough that you're walking me home" "i didnt ask if you wanted to. im telling you to"

» you couldnt tell if it was the fever that made your face warmer or if it was kita's words. nonetheless, you got on kita's back. he was a lot stronger than he looked and you couldnt help but stifen at being so close to your own crush like this.

» "relax. I'll make sure you get home." he reassured. you leaned into his back, warmth seeping in, your eyes began to feel heavy.

» "kita san" "yes?" "thank you for always watching out for me"

» a comfortable silence was met as the sound of rain filled your ears.

» "kita san" "hm?" "did you know..." your voice softened "i like you a lot kita san"

» did he hear you correctly? if he wasnt paying attention he wouldve missed what you had said, being drowed out through the pitter patter of water. now his heart thumping louder than ever before.

» "l/n san-" he was about to go on but was met with the gentle rise and fall of your chest and the soft snores of you on his back, knocked out from exertion. kita let out a light chuckle, finally relieved you were resting.

» you had missed the next day of school, but when you came back the whole volleyball team bombarded you with love.

» "WE'RE A FAILURE TO NOT NOTICE YOU FEELING SICK" atsumu cried. "how could we let our one and only precious manager get ill for taking care of us" akagi, clearly dissapointed in himself. "please let us know when we can take care of you too y/n" aran said.

» "its no big deal. really!" waving your hands in defense. "it was just a small cold. but i do have a question though"

» all the boys gathered around to hear what you had to say

» "how did i get home?? i really dont remember what happened after i almost got hit by atsumu"

» it shocked the guys honestly. you genuinely didnt remember a single thing due to your fever. "wait? you don't remember kita taking you home?" suna replied, your face becoming red. "k-kita san took me home-?" "yah. he left in the middle of practice to do so" osamu added.

» immediately, you got up to find the captain that apparently took you home the other day. he was in the storage closet cleaning and grabbing the equipment for todays practice.

» "kita san" "oh. l/n. glad you're feeling better" his smile brightened the musty closet. "about that, im sorry for troubling you and having you take me home the other day. i honestly dont remember what happened after i almost got hit by atsumu. my mind was really fuzzy that day, but im truly thankful for you going out of your way for me. it really means a lot"

» kita was dumbfounded. you really dont remember? "no need to apologize l/n. it was my responsibility as a captain. and afterall, what good would i be if i couldnt even take care of the person who means the most to me"

» your heart raced. 'person who means the most to me' ? cheeks blushing a rosy pink, you were internally thanking the musty store room from being dim.

» with arms full of equipment, kita walked by you and stopped.

» "by the way l/n san. did you know?"

» ears perking up at the vague yet familiar line

» "i like you a lot too l/n san"

» now we all know sakusa HATES germs and for the past week and a half, he's been telling you to keep up with washing your hands, wearing a mask at all times even when you eat omi it doesnt work like that. pls especially since you are prone to getting sick easily no matter how hygenic you are. your immune system just hated you. PERIODT

» you remembered sakusa scolding you for running out of hand sanitizer and then the next day you were out of commission. bed ridden with laryngitis, cough, slight fever, the whole works. it was like your body was making fun of you or something

» you texted komori, asking him to take notes in class for you and relay homework information while you were at home resting up. but there was one request you had and made komori PROMISE.

» DO NOT TELL SAKUSA YOU GOT SICK

» "he's probably gonna notice your absence y/n. he'll find out about it either way"

» "well if you dont tell him then he wont know. its not like he even cares about where i am like that"

» "thats what you might think. but i know he's gonna say something i can garuntee it"

» the next day at school, sakusa did notice your presence missing. it was quieter not having a 3rd person in the group of friends. not having you around to talk to him when komori was gone.

» pulling out his phone to text you, he asked where you were that day.

» "on a family trip :D !!! forgot to tell you, but I'll tell you all about it when i come back!" you wrote, attaching an old selfie of a different trip you went on to make it more believable.

» you had hoped this silly cold would get better in a day, but soon that day turned into 2 and then 3 and then 4... you pretty much missed the whole week of school at that point

» Friday rolled around and komori was on his phone all day. sakusa noticed his cousin fidget in his chair more than usual and it irked him to see him like that

» "what's with you today?" one eye raised, sakusa finally asked. "uhhh nothing really" komori wasnt very good at keeping secrets lets just start off with that, but he was trying his best.

» "well clearly somethings wrong. you're fidgeting." "well haven't you noticed somethings been different all week?" komori hinted

» sakusa sat there in thought. nothing's been different? he ate the same breakfast he usually does every morning. all his studies have been well. there were no tests this week so there was no reason to be anxious like komori was and even if there was, he would've done well anyways.

» "just tell me what it is." sakusa was starting to get annoyed. "y/n..." komori started. "y/n?" "do you know where she's been this week?"

» did you not tell komori about your family trip? you usually told komori everything, but then again you didn't tell him either until he asked you about it.

» "she said shes on a trip?" he nonchalantly said. komori's eyes started watering. "A TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL THATS WHAT IT IS" he blurted out. komori didnt mean to let it slip , he was just so worried about your well being.

» "hospital?? what are you talking about. did she get injured on her trip?" "no omi. shes been sick all week and her mom just texted me saying she went to the hospital today because shes had a fever for 3 days straight. there is no family trip"

» sakusa's heart shattered. you were sick and didnt even tell him?

» before both he and komori knew it, his legs were running faster to get to the hospital than he had ever imagined he could ever run.

» and there you were. fast asleep in a bed with an IV drip. your face flushed, forehead sweaty and shallow breaths escaping your chapped lips. you were a hot mess but sakusa didnt care. stepping to your bedside to greet your mother she explained to him that she had to go to work and asked if he could watch over you until she gets back.

» sakusa said yes without even hearing the whole thing. his heart and mind saying yes to whatever it took to get you to feel better.

» gosh how he hated hospitals, but what he hated even more was the fact that you were in the hospital and he didnt even know.

» the doctor came in for their evening round and ensured sakusa that you were indeed getting better! your fever had broken not too long ago and your body was working extra hard to heal itself up!

» "is there anything i can do to help?" sakusa asked. he felt helpless in this situation just watching your face distort in uncomfort every now and then, and coughing your lungs out.

» patting sakusa's shoulder, the doctor told him that just being here for you is enough. "you gotta be a strong boyfriend for her alright son? she'll be able to go home tomorrow first thing in the morning if her fever doesnt come back"

» sakusa slumped in his chair at your bedside, the doctors words ringing through his head. 'boyfriend huh?' he thought to himself. "if i was her boyfriend..." he whispered to himself, "i would be a failure for not even knowing my girl was sick..."

» to kiyoomi, you were beautiful. even now in this sad state you were in. deep down he locked these growing feelings he had for you inside of him because he always felt like you were a better match with someone else and after this stunt you pulled of lying to him about going on a family trip, it only made him feel worse.

» it was now night time and you finally began to stir in your sleep, the fever finally gone. sakusa reached out to move some hair that was stuck to your face, fingers tracing the outline of your jaw. your eyes slowly opened and met with his dark orbs.

» "y/n?" "saku- wait this is just a dream. omi wouldn't be here. he hates hospitals" you let out a forced laugh and then a sigh through your sore throat.

» you reached out to sakusa's hands that were resting on the side of your bed. "omi would never let me hold his hand because he'd say im passing germs to him so hopefully dream omi wont be the same" you were aimlessly talking to yourself, not even realizing that this really wasnt a dream.

» he squeezed your hand in return. hoping that you wouldnt let go any time soon. a funny smile appeared on your face just at the thought of him. "even if you're stupid for not realizing how much i like you... i cant wait to see you again omi" you whispered before falling asleep again.

» sakusa didnt know what to do. he sat there frozen in his chair. it was his first time hearing you call him omi. heck. you literally just confessed to the boy. his brain was running wild. groaning in distress he let go of your hand to step out for a breath of fresh air now that you were back asleep.

» it was 5am and your mother came back to the hospital and thanked sakusa for staying by your side. He left in a hurry to make sure you didnt see him there.

» Monday rolled around and sakusa was waiting outside of the school gates for you. he had planned on asking you about your "trip"

» "good morning sakusa!!" your bright and cheery voice rang through his ears. honestly he was trembling inside. the memory of you confessing to him still fresh in his mind.

» "how was your trip?" you stopped dead in your tracks. "haha... it was good !! sorry i forgot to get you a souvenir" you were trying to play it cool but sakusa could tell you were forcing yourself. "i wouldnt want a souvenir from where you came from so its fine" sakusa's words threw you off. "i - im not sure im understanding what you're saying sakusa?"

» you felt a tug on your hand. "dont you mean omi?" his voice husky as he whispered into your ear. cheeks flushed, your brain felt like it short circuted. you've always tried your hardest to not let it slip that you want to call him omi since he hated when people called him that.

» sakusa smirked at your cute reaction he got out of you. letting go of your hand he began to walk into the school leaving you at the gate dumbfounded. "and by the way. you're just as stupid for not realizing how long ive liked you too"

-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆

thank you for your order! enjoy~!

[professorxsmokesweed]

What’s your opinion on the movie now that you’ve seen it?

oh boy.... what is my opinion! it's a terrible movie no one watch it is the short answer the long answer, which i am putting under a cut:

it's still a terrible movie! the plot.. the plot makes no sense! it is never explained! there's fucking ALIENS??? and i know. i know aliens exist and are involved in the comics. i know comics charles has an alien girlfriend at some point. they should not have been introduced this way!

i don't think we ever even got names for them? unless i missed them? i was just calling the main blonde one "alien bitch" the whole movie like what is going on..... moot found the answer thru google but i will be honest i forgot it like immediately and i know it was dumb as shit like verk or something

anyways. so right off the bat we got space shit and i was clearly supposed to be cool it just... wasnt to me probs cause the budget was $2 and they divided those $2 among paying the cast (having no budget it not a bad thing!!!! ive seen many good movies with no budgets!!! but here its like. they didnt care. also they gave the worst wig in the world to james.) im gonna move into characters now cause thats where my biggest grievances lie like even a movie about dumbass aliens would be bearable if the characters were good and thats often whats carried me through other xmen movies like apocalypse

i don't even know where to start this is such a fucking mess so im gonna start with charles!

uhhh charles was. fucking awful this movie. like genuinely awful i wanted to beat his ass at the beginning i do think charles can be manipulative and put a big goal ahead of the wellbeing of a person in the moment! i love charles having negative traits i love those traits being explored! this.... wasn't it and it felt very abrupt in comparison to the previous movies, which did not really touch on his more dickish traits besides the god complex & how he made raven feel + his awful coping mechanisms. it wasn't movie charles! idk who it was but it wasn't him! if they wanted to show him as a dick they needed to develop more they cant just Do That! raven! ohohoho my beloved raven... ive pointed this out before but the alt timeline is awful to female characters which is especially pathetic considering the og's came out 10+ years before them i cant believe movies from the very earliest of the 2000s did better but they did.. how are you worse than the movies you based yourselves on. back to raven my babygirl. i am so so so sorry you never had any real development or plotline besides the first class "accepting yourself" thing and then nothing actually solidly fleshed out since. the raven that lives in my head does. but thats not the raven in the movies and she got thrown back into her "i wanna leave and do something meaningful!!!" role which i found extremely tired. her and charles can have an extremely meaningful and nuanced relationship but the movies never actually go there and im miserable about it and in this one they just argue about shit they argued over in first class then she got fridged goodbye my sweet angel... sorry they made you say that stupid x-women thing as a throwaway #girlpower! moment at least you didnt live to see the aliens

(on that note i do appreciate the way they showed charles having a relapse with alcohol over her death. that was a small good detail)

hank was like. im glad he developed a spine this movie but also he was forgettable to me personally after the scene where he yelled at charles. him siding with erik was hilarious as fuck but im ???? idk i need to rewatch his scenes to develop strong opinions on him in this movie but im also never gonna do that lmao

erik my other babygirl im very glad the movie had you take a backseat i cant imagine what they wouldve done if he had a bigger role.... the scene where jean showed up was good until he valued the military's opinion more. my king would never. he was hot also in most of his scenes so good for him!!! the entire "im gonna kill jean over raven!!" thing... eh. if they showed us an actual strong relationship be that platonic or romantic between erik & raven it probably would've hit more but they didn't! and so it was just! i mean okay i guess! also very funny how he was sitting on his little gay socialist island like "i've found peace finally" but then they immediately had him go out to kill jean!

regarding the kids in general. i liked scott the most this movie but they were all very! idk the alt ones pale in comparison to the og's for me personally i dont think thats their fault i think its the writing.. it wouldve helped if they all got more than 10 minutes of screen time besides jean but they did not. there was just too much going on it needed Less

they almost had flavor with the entire jean & her little kiddy repressed trauma + her adopted father relationship with charles but it fell super flat probably because of the fucking aliens they also had to work in i think that plot line had the most potential out of all of them tbh

moving on from that the stair scene. that is the most ableist thing i have every fucking seen and i didn't even actually watch it the chat was going crazy about how awful it was so i luckily realized what was gonna happen and paused + skipped over it like im sick thinking of it even now and im abled so i cant imagine how disabled fans feel. whoever came up with that plague on your house burn in hell etc that sounds like a joke but its not i legit want to smash a car with a bat over it (for those that don't know, jean makes charles walk up stairs/drags him up stairs with her powers. she tells him to walk to her before doing this.)

the train fight was good as hell. and the proposal!!!! erik proposed!!! but im gonna say something unpopular: this movie was not worth that one minute of cherik. its like they stabbed me and instead of proper care they gave me a band-aid. anyways,