#just wanted to post it b4 i did

[fivepebsi]

yayyyy finally i can post my wonderful poopsies 💖

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[metabolizemotions]

Maybe Station 19 was like an experimental cubist painting.

There were too many stories to be told and too many people trying to tell them, from too many perspectives, with too many styles…

Each viewer saw a different picture.

It was the show that tried to capture the zeitgeist and represent the under-represented. Also the show that often struggled. With the tones and textures. With representing w/o tokenizing. B/w laughing with and laughing at. B/w realism and romanticizing. B/w deliberate and arbitrary. B/w educating and entertaining. B/w what they consider profane and sacrosanct.

At times, it touched our hearts deeply. At times, it frustrated us to no end.

Not every story was given the respect, sensitivity and intricacy it was due.

One moment could lead to a profound understanding of an aspect of a lived life some of us had never known; while the next could be a moment that was beyond confounding - about an aspect of ourselves that made us feel slighted, diminished and even erased.

It had often been an exercise in empathy to find our common humanity at the intersectionality of stories. Yet, the scale of empathy often skewed too far in favor of some characters with the differing standards, narrative frames and plot armors. Ironically yet reasonably turning people off these very characters they wanted people to root for. A persistent dissonance and disconnect.

But it was also the show that didn’t shy away from the ugly, the raw, the uncomfortable and messy parts of our shared human experience. The tribulations of oppression. The perils of ambition. The tests of morality. The trials of friendship and love. That we would make mistakes, but we could also make amends. That we're not defined by our worst. That our best lives could still be in front of us despite the current struggles. That sometimes life sucks but having your people with you makes it more bearable.

I would think it an interesting journey for the diversity of people behind, on, and in front of the screen. The evolving stories, evolving characters, evolving storytellers, an evolving fandom - all amidst an evolving media landscape.

It was probably not an easy show to make. The show had a bewilderingly lack of support from abc or shondaland. Diversity seemed to be both good for promotion (when there was any) and the reason for the prejudice against it.

Just as it had not been an easy show to watch - so biased, inconsistent and self-contradictory. Like when they kept telling us about the family spirit and deep friendships yet somehow spent more time showing otherwise. Or when the writing of systemic sexism was somehow inherently sexist.

Personally, I don’t think characters belong to the writers alone. Besides the usual constraints, the characters were often adjusted back and forth to fit the plots. We’ve also learnt how network execs' dislikes, writers’ personal experiences were factored into the stories. I fully respect the writers’ artistic rights. But actors who embodied the characters for years have a unique understanding too. Viewers also have their personal takes about what were true to characters. It's ok to agree to disagree.

There had been sparks of brilliance, but often extinguished too soon. It has been confounding how the greys-verse did not capitalise on its vast potential, esp. S19. Even while both shows share a show-runner. Grey's anatomy could have lent its scale while Station 19 could have injected renewed energy back into its mothership. Both shows could have been better for it.

Although the characters have the foundation of distinct and interesting backstories, their development often did not fully utilise the narrative potential and the talents of the cast. I’m sure the crew was also competent and hardworking. But somehow some elements b/w n within the shows seemed to just cancel each other out instead of amplifying their impact. IMO 704 and 709 were a few exceptions.

But I'll always be glad S19 existed and we got a S7. I believe they had tried their best to wrap up and give closure to everyone invested in the show. I truly appreciated the hard work given the circumstances even when I personally didn't agree with some takes.

In the end, I really do want to remember it as the show with heart, the show that made us laugh and cry and the show that tried. The show that's unique - in both its merits and flaws. I’ll definitely miss the characters. One last time - 19!

[sailorsleepymoon]

Whole squad is in the discord vc except the one transfem friend before dnd starts and one of them refers to her using they asking if anyone knows when she’s coming. and you go. She said she’d probably be here but someone should message her :) also I noticed that we’ve all been using they/them for her but I checked her pronoun roles in a different server we’re all in and the only ones she has are she/her :) so we should proba

And you get cut off by the person who said it and one of the other people going “OH well I use they/them for everyone” and “yeah I just kinda always default to they/them” and “yeah same I just always use them” talking over each other and

And the impulse to bring out your academic essay from sjw university hits. There is the sharp impulse to go 🤨 you guys using they/them for her when we know her pronouns is degendering her and ultimately feeding into the larger structure of transmisogyny and

you ignore it and say ok well I think :) we should try anyway 💕 to use her right pronouns

And there’s the quiet consensus of like yeah ok that’s fair that’s true. and she joins the vc three seconds later

[jrueships]

here's what i could find on the situation ..

[slashersweethearts]

honestly gotta say one of my favorite things abt yvieliv is the way the way the insanely overt flirting/tension between the two of them (the former being like entirely yvie @ liv) goes practically entirely unnoticed by the whole rest of the group bc like. it does not register as anything noteworthy as far as yvie is concerned. like ofc she's calling liv babygirl and making other much fruitier comments. she talks to all of her friends in a way that borderline if not outright would constitute harassment 😭 so that could literally mean nothing!

[matoitech]

certain fighting video games r rly one of the only things where i feel like it makes more sense to be a fan if u haven’t interacted a lot w the source material vs something like a book series or a movie or something that’s like generally speaking extremely easy to get your hands on. like no one who drew gay porn of galo and lio without watching promare was even close to right about their personalities their takes were based entirely off their appearances which is so obviously bad i dont rly need to say it, but then u compare it to something like fortnite furry skins and i don’t think most of the ppl drawing oscar’s fat dick and balls have played fortnite and i don’t think that rly matters bcuz i’m pretty sure those things don’t have a whole lot of personality or backstory or whatever. i like the fortnite furries and i dont even go here and thats ok heart emoji. that’s my post

[spaciebabie]

here's ta another year of smoon ass

🥂

cheers guys

[candyriku]

Chapter 2 of Death Spiral is out!

Current Chapter | First Chapter

Imo it is worth it to watch the video linked in the endnotes - it's short and is a stunning showcase of some of the beauty that can be expressed on the ice!!!! I based Sora's social media presence largely off this skater, and I envisioned Sora to be performing this song (Movement by Hosier) in this chapter. Here's another link to it!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Ryan Dunk (@ryan.dunk)

[kaitcake1289]

would anyone still be interested in reading my mq s3 rewrite if i were to post it? :0

[ladydisofdurin]

Why is dc tryna tell me that Jason grew up on the hill

[dimmestmorn13]

(click for better quality)

link to the fic bc holy shit i swear it permanently altered my brain chemistry

close-ups under the cut:

(separate post for above)

[clownattack]

gorsh

im currently failing sm to focus bcs im just overcome with the thought of MAYBE being able to pick up my funny clay corpse from uni furnace tomorrow. LIKE IM NOT IN A RUSH AT ALL but i want them back and thinking abt this disables me from doing typography for my catalogue augh. I want to assemble my hot transi gf and take pics so i can DO MORE TYPOGRAPHY

[meimeikyu]

my irl friend had a Critter in her house

it’s in her closet, last i checked :)

.

[ridibulous]

I feel like I'm going to be extremely alone in this but saying it anyway bcuz this is one big fat vent rlly. im gonna put everything under a cut bcuz im insecure abt this (talking about race/ethnicity and like a big touch of our ramcoa at the end)

I hate the fact our ethnic identity is such a huge mystery because of my non-extended family just. being dismissive about it (EVEN W/ OUR WHITE SIDE!!!) and probably straight up hiding it from me and I hate the fact some people will scream at you for honestly questioning about reconnecting with a culture you may or may not have been disconnected from.

I label myself as a mixed native + white person because that's what I know and am comfortable with after finally fucking comprehending "hey the fact my mom said we're algonkin (yes. no tribe. she just said a region and idk if I should bother talking to her crazy ass to figure out more) and my dad said we're arapaho means we're native". if I am a native person (one thats reconnecting, mind you, I have the experience of growing up white) to ignore that part of myself would be disingenuous and perpetuate the whole "breeding the indian out" of mixed kids.

but in all honesty my ethnic insecurity and or anxiety has gotten so bad because of a traumatizing experience w/ old "friends" screaming at us bcuz we dared call ourselves biracial because I GENUINELY DON'T KNOW my full story and I just want to be able to label myself as like. aracial at this point. but I can't because family and heritage and identity are topics close to me and something I consider so so important. which is why I want to know the full story. which is why I cling onto the smallest most meaningless things just for any sense of validation in my identity because if I'm wrong, who am I? will more people be mad at me because I was wrong? i'm only rlly that scared of being wrong abt my ethnic identity because while yeah claiming an identity and then learning it wasn't true has to be crushing for anyone on some degree, I don't want people mad at me and calling me racist and a racefaker when I find out hey this wasn't me actually

it isn't unlikely that this whole race/ethnicity stuff is related to our ramcoa too both w/ how it looks like fucking everything is hidden and (maybe a stretch to me. programs are a fuck) how I'm reacting to it. which is partially why I brought this up bcuz idk if anyone else has gone thru this sort of thing. i don't know I hate this I just want to be secure in our collective bodily identity. i hate the fact I see other ppl growing up with culture and security in their ethnic identity and families and I grew up with. fucking nothing. I got isolation from our extended family and the (viciously southern Italian) culture they had and a home that felt devoid of life and color and love bcuz my dad was too busy renting me out to disgusting men when I was still a toddler for some extra cash during the recession and my mom was being fucking complacent in my trafficking bcuz she was getting drug money im mad im so mad I just want the truth im so fucking sick of the uncertainty