#anyway. weirder to experience the situations when you can put a name and systematic influence to the things happening when b4 you couldn’t | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sailorsleepymoon · 1 month ago

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Whole squad is in the discord vc except the one transfem friend before dnd starts and one of them refers to her using they asking if anyone knows when she’s coming. and you go. She said she’d probably be here but someone should message her :) also I noticed that we’ve all been using they/them for her but I checked her pronoun roles in a different server we’re all in and the only ones she has are she/her :) so we should proba

And you get cut off by the person who said it and one of the other people going “OH well I use they/them for everyone�� and “yeah I just kinda always default to they/them” and “yeah same I just always use them” talking over each other and

And the impulse to bring out your academic essay from sjw university hits. There is the sharp impulse to go 🤨 you guys using they/them for her when we know her pronouns is degendering her and ultimately feeding into the larger structure of transmisogyny and

you ignore it and say ok well I think :) we should try anyway 💕 to use her right pronouns

And there’s the quiet consensus of like yeah ok that’s fair that’s true. and she joins the vc three seconds later

#ven.txt #the one other nb person in the group did go like oh you’re right that’s fair when I said it #so shoutout them they’re a real one #but I really did not expect the jump to defensiveness from the two friends !!! one of whom was not even the one who said it then!!!#and like the whole group has done it to the point where I once started using they for her because I thought I must be wrong #but I checked her roles and no it was she her. weeeee #but the immediate defensiveness really gets me!!! I had to be like noooo it’s not just you doing it ok haha everyone has #and the one who hadn’t even said it that time was the other who jumped to defensiveness is my boyfriend 😭#so I do need to talk to him about that but I don’t know when that’s gonna happen #since he’s been really struggling and feeling like shit recently #and somehow I don’t think going hey honey can we talk about how some of your actions are influenced and reinforce #the societal structure of transmisogyny? while he’s already doing poorly will go well #and like. oooooo I wanted to be the Soldier Ally who Explains Their Transmisogyny so bad in that moment I wanted to be the white knight #and there is a world where I confronted them and did that #but in this one I went. I don’t want to start a fight before dnd #and I don’t want her to join vc to hear us arguing about her pronouns and about transmisogyny when she’s the only tma person #and so I did not start a fight.#anyway. hope my boyfriend does not see this lmao #but he usually only looks at the posts I send him #uh if he does see this. I know neither of you had malicious intentions or wanted to be hurtful or anything #and I’m not trying to say that you are anything I just think that like #growing up in a transmisogynist world makes you absorb some stuff and some habits without realizing it #and that you should maybe be a little more careful and aware of your actions and thoughts and like how they could be influenced by that #anyway. weirder to experience the situations when you can put a name and systematic influence to the things happening when b4 you couldn’t

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