#just want to judge this thing myself u kno

[milkolya]

me watching good omens: this is so so bad this is so cringe i cant do it i cant finish this (witnesses david tennant do a gay little walk in a gay little outfit) ok fine you got me. for now

[girlking]

js u kno some goth wrestling stans did a call out on u bc u said no wrestler is unproblematic lol but stans shitty wrestlers w allegations

i have decided to stay away from wrestling tumblr for my own mental health. i assume there was a miscommunication and it resulted in this whole mess. i don’t think “no wrestler is unproblematic” – i think everyone has flaws and has made mistakes, but certain flaws and mistakes are much worse than others. i got informed of my favourite’s problematic behaviour and i obviously cannot support them anymore. what i was asking from the community was how do they deal with their favourites being problematic as well (on different levels and in different ways) – i’ve seen fan accounts for wrestlers i know have done cancel-worthy things, yet there is no discussion of those actions or accusations to be seen.

it was never meant to be “i can like this person because you like that person” – i didn’t communicate it clearly and it was interpreted like that. i meant it like “i am losing my favourite and that sucks and makes me sad, how do others in this fandom deal with finding out problematic things about their favourites.”

i said something along the lines of “i want to stop finding out these things” and i’m pretty sure that was the thing that got misinterpreted – i am still not going to be doing fbi level background checks on anyone, but i will be googling things before going all heart-eyes-emoji online. it’s disappointing as there are so many figures in wrestling that have done and said things or supported people they really shouldn’t – i would rather not find out about them and just enjoy the show but of course that’s not how it can go either. i was also struggling with the difference between “i like seeing you on my tv and enjoy watching you wrestle and do your thing” and “i support you as a person, including all views and opinions.” i didn’t know how the difference was viewed/treated, especially because as earlier mentioned, certain wrestlers are still very much liked by tumblr, even with all their problematicness.

but yeah, as i said, i’ve left wrestling tumblr for now. i got so many death threats and just horrible, gross messages. i don’t want to have anything to do with it. i learnt my lesson and will be making better choices in the future. i’m kind of sad in a way over the fact that one of the characters that got me into wrestling is now completely ruined, but it’s for the best because i would never want to be viewed as someone who agrees with their opinions: i don’t, and i don’t think they’re acceptable in any way.

if anyone wants to discuss this with me further, i am more than happy to have a non-anonymous conversation. i’m on a holiday right now and don’t have access to a stable internet connection but i’ll be home on monday to answer anyone who wants to talk. i can understand how this situation got to be the way it is – what i don’t understand is how the tumblr community can condone the behaviour of those users who came into my inbox telling me to kill myself or that they are going to doxx me, or even much worse things that i don’t want to think about anymore. for that reason i deleted the whole side blog and i don’t think i’ll be back for a long while, if ever.

also, regarding your message: i don’t really know who stans who and what most individual wrestling figures have done (which is exactly how we ended up in this mess) so i’m not going to judge anyone before i do some serious googling. i just hope this clears things up. i’m going to keep watching wwe and enjoying it and figuring things out on my own, it’ll be slightly weird after this whole episode but oh well. at least i won’t be unintentionally supporting anyone transphobic anymore.

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[carpsurprise]

this isn’t really a request but if you want to do it anyway I think it’s fun:^) so we know sunshine boy sam is one of your favorites but can you rate the bachelors and bachelorettes together from most to least favorite and why?

thank u for sending this in!! its always refreshing to do non-imagine/writing stuff for da ol’ noggin!! dlkskd but truly thank u and im gonna put this under a cut and not tag it bc i can foresee there being some issues with this list <3 i do love all of these characters in their own way ofc

1. sam: like u said a given :^) i think sam is dumb and a lot of fun!! i love super happy/caring guys bc i am super bad w/ second guessing myself so!! a guy thats really straight forward and shows how they feel when they feel it is my dream! also the pop punk aesthetic <3 i like that he’s the direct opposite of me!! why would i want to date a dark/brooding guy when im already like that?? i want someone super happy thats gonna radiate that!!

2. haley: haley’s an angel late game! and she’s pretty! im pretty mean myself so i was never driven away from her but was more like damn we’d be powerful together and then she ended up doing a 180 personality wise and i love her even more!! shes so sweet and so helpful during marriage too love her

3. emily: ok emily is like a dream best friend for me!! i love how creative she is and we have a lot of similar interests. she seems like a good mix of the mom girl at a club taking care of all the drunk girls, the girl that u can easily go up to and talk to if u need a partner in class, and the cool older sister. love love love her

4. harvey: sweetheart... angel man. so shy and sweet!! i dont like mean men so him being outright kind and such a good guy is so heartwarming for me!! i feel like he would be respectful at all times and is not a man i’d need to worry about *intentionally* wronging me with intent to hurt <3 

5. elliott: i did theatre in high school and am a creative writing minor. i more wish i was him bc if i could live by the sea and write all day... yes. and speak like someone that would’ve gotten beaten up by a shakespeare character? yes. once again, a man that wouldn’t be mean to me & would make me feel safe

6. maru: also someone i would love as a friend! she’s so kind and always so welcoming my social anxiety would be nonexistent around her <3 i know she’d tell someone my order was wrong for me despite her also being nonconfrontational. seems like a sleepover queen and someone i could go to for anything without being judged love her to death 

7. penny: i also do love penny!! i think she’s def one of the better people in the game what with her aspirations and motivations but!! we r both too shy but i do love reading so i think we would get along there!! she’s v sweet but also her trope is not my fave!! i see a lot of similarities within us 

8. abigail: i do like abigail but i do not see the hype imo. she’s def got more character to her than some of the other women (once again, mr. ape) but she’s just not my type of girl !! i think we’re.... too alike probably. same thing w/ my thing w/ himboish guys.. i try not to surround myself w/ ppl that remind me of myself very often. still lov her tho i promise

9. leah: i feel like leah couldve had more potential in game imo, i dont really think there’s that much to her (thanks mr. ape) but i KNOW she’d beat someone up for me and i love that for both of us. she seems sooo chill and nonjudgemental. she’d buy me food if i couldn’t pay for it at the time </3 i do love her a lot

10. alex: oh boy hot stupid boy but misogynistic comments. granted! high hearts he’s much better but its the getting past that. i like his character at high hearts (also its just funny to headcanon him reacting to other characters) but.. alex i lov u but jesus christ. wouldn’t feel safe around him early game but later on i kno he’d beat up another guy for me <3

11. sebastian: him pushing the farmer (me) away at any chance is a huge turn off for meeeee and i just dont like!! men that are rude. obvi higher hearts hes not anymore but if not for completion sake i wouldnt have gotten to know him. i dont really like edgy guys bc i feel like there’d be more gaslighting and instability. also pelican town only has room for one goth seb stay in the basement </3 sdlkslkd

12. shane: once again mean if i wanted a man to be mean to me i’d walk outside my house. i don’t even reallyyy like his high hearts character (esp w his drinking after marriage) i just lkdlsdk drinking is a big turn off for me (family issues) and i understand why he’s like this i just. it doesn’t excuse it. i’m not his mother i refuse to cater to him bc of his issues. we all have issues.. u cant just treat people bad bc of them!! 

[stylistiquements]

So I absolutely love your smau! I'm a little older than maybe the rest of the Corpse fandom (grandma lmao) so I really appreciate that the way you have y/n speak is normal and not so "agshdjr u kno i luv u" cos I just cant relate or put myself into that character if that makes sense? Im just very excited to see where the fic goes, I love the dynamic you have between everyone and yeah, I just think youre very talented 💖

Oh honey you have no idea how I needed to read that ! Honestly the "agshdjr u kno i luv u" makes me laugh so hard and I was growing kinda self-conscious about writing the smau with a more “”normal”” type of speech cause I want funny as one of my flew don’t judge me damnn I’m trying but it would have probably felt unnatural bc that’s not really a me thing.

And just knowing that some people can relate to that more makes me happy so ty for saying that 🖤

[diamondcamefromhell]

Timeless love

Jaskier x female!reader part 4

[PART 1]  [PART 2]   [PART 3]

Summary: This is an AU, where Y/N is a young woman, trying to make ends meet with her freelancing writing job. She lives in her small Nottingham studio apartment along with her cat Apollo. Things change when one evening as she is waiting for her taxi, she meets what she thinks is Joey Batey, but the man in front of her is convinced he’s Jaskier, a character from her current favorite show. Y/N now has to figure out what to do.

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: 2,124

A/N: first of all, thank u for positive reviews and kind comments on this story so far, again, it is kind of a slow burner, everything is moving slowly but this is what the story really is, as its taking place in our world, where no dragons or strigas exist and the biggest monsters are, well.. humans? ya kno

but anyways, any and all feedback is appreciated <3

I have to cut our loses. We spend a good hour outside, wondering around my apartment building. But we find nothing, not even a smallest hint of what happened to make Jaskier end up here. The bard stays quiet for most of the search, as I can tell he is still very much worried about me.

He only speaks when he sees a car pass by, as it startles him so much he immediately jumps behind me. I explain to him what it is, or try to, and he relaxes a little. Still flinching whenever a car goes by, though.

We rush inside, before Dave decides to visit again, as I lock the door. Apollo comes to greet us, meowing, but I ignore my friend, as anxiety washes over me and I can barely contain it. I know my companion feels it, as he glues himself to me, following my every step as I rush to the kitchen.

I see Jaskier sit at the couch again, not saying anything. I want to break the silence, but know my voice would shake, and I didn’t want to worry him even more. I throw some toast in the toaster, I will offer him a meal as an apology. I put butter and cinnamon on toast, bringing it to him. I set the plate on the coffee table, sitting down.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize, as the man looks at me. I can’t put my finger on it, but his expression makes me feel weird.

“Don’t be, I over-stepped.” I shake my head, pressing my lips together. I am willing to swallow a bit of my pride for this man.

“No Jaskier. I just… I made a promise. To the stars.” I close my eyes, scared of him judging me. This way, at least I don’t have to see it. “That I would make it on my own. Whatever that it may be. I don’t like it when people help me or try to be nice to me. Makes me feel… weak.”

“But everyone needs help from time to time.” There is no judgement in his voice, so I open my eyes. He gives me a kind smile, as Apollo jumps in my lap, purring. “You are helping me, does it mean I am weak?”

“No.” I say, biting the inside of my mouth, trying to stop the water works from leaking.

“Then why are you weak, if I help you a little?” I can’t answer that, so I just look down, at my cat, who is now napping, soundly. He has a point. “You’re being unfair on yourself. Allow me to say this, Y/N, even my great friend Geralt needs help sometimes. And he’s the bloody Witcher. It does not make him any weaker, if anything, it shows strength.”

“I know.” My voice shakes a little, as I wipe my nose. My eyes may be dry, but nose was runny. “It’s just, I prefer to be alone.”

“I used to say that.” His mind drifts far away. I cant help but admire how beautiful he manages to look. “But I hated nothing more than being alone.”

“I have Apollo.” I argue. He sighs, looking at me.

“Y/N.” He speaks to me like I am a child. We lock eyes, and I see so much care in his gaze, I want to run away. But I stay. “You need people.”

“Either way.” I say, ignoring him. I am barely holding back the tears. “Eat your meal. I have something to show you.”

I spring to my feet. Showing him moving pictures may be a good enough distraction for now. Introducing him to some of the great Internet, so we can avoid the sensitive topics. I look down to see my hands still shaking, so I rush to the bathroom.

There I see Jaskier clothes in a pile on the floor. I sigh, folding them, as tears escape my eyes. I turn on the faucet, making sure the bard can’t hear my heavy breaths and sniffling. It takes me a couple of minutes of crying to clam down. I wash my face, avoiding looking in the mirror. I stop the faucet and flush the toilet, purely because I am scared to go out just yet.

When I do, however, he doesn’t look at me, and I feel relieved. I rush to the bed, grabbing my laptop, soon landing next to him. Our legs touch and I feel the build up static shock me, so I jump back. He giggles, but I ignore that, opening up the computer, entering my password in a quick move.

One glance at him, and I see how mesmerized he is, my heart feels like it will burst. I take a couple deep breaths, wondering what I could show him.

YouTube and Netflix both were dangerous, as they could have his show on the main page, I still bite the bullet, turning the screen from his eyes, going to youtube. As expected, my feed is filled with recommended videos from Joey Batey. I stare at Jaskier for a moment, wondering if somehow he could be Joey, just very confused and lost one. But then I remember the Instagram story, and know I’m grasping at straws.

I search for cat videos, not sure what else to show him. What would interest a man who thinks he is from a fantasy world?

“Look.” I say, pressing play. It seems like his eyes are about to fall out as he stares at the screen, I giggle landing my hand on his. “Relax.”

“What is this magic?” I pause the video, pulling my hand away. Our eyes meet.

“This, Jask, is video. Moving pictures, if you will.” He still seems confused. “We have these things called cameras, that can take not-moving images of a moment, so you can cherish it, or can take moving things, like this cat video. There is even more, people create characters and stories and film them.”

“Do you have a camera?” I nod, putting laptop on the table, as I rush to get my Canon. I come back, turning it on. I decide to use the view finder. I sit next to him. “Here.”

“How do I use it?” He asks, twisting it around, before he begins staring at the screen.

I explain. Then he takes some pictures, of my room, me, my laptop and Apollo. I take some of him, and we even try to take some together, as we both laugh, trying to fit in that small space.

Then I show him some films. I start with my personal favourite and a classic – Titanic. Stopping whenever he get’s to confused, explaining things. We move to more and more films, only taking a break when we both get hungry.

I take the chance and sacrifice my wallet and order us some pizza, which he seems to like. He tries his first fizzy drink, Sprite, and at first he hates it, but I see him sip it more and more as the day progresses.

It keeps up for a couple of weeks. We spend days watching movies as he slowly learns more about the way my world works. We spend some of my savings as I order different take out, but eventually he helps me cook some dinner for us. He slowly, but surely adapts.

Until it all crashes down.

I go to use the bathroom, leaving Jaskier at the laptop. When I come out, however, he is on his feet, anxiously walking around. I stop, my heart dropping to my feet. I see Joey’s face on the screen. No, not his.

I see Jaskier. A video of him, in the tavern, signing.  

He probably went to YouTube And found a video of himself. And a whole lot of questions.

My gaze goes from the screen, to the man, who has stopped pacing, and now is staring at me. His eyes burn, as I see betrayal written all over it. I don’t know what he even thinks is going on and I don’t know how I can explain it to him.

“Jaskier, please.” I point to the couch, but he just shakes his head. I put my hands behind my back, so he wouldn’t see them shake.

“What does that mean?” He asks, as his voice breaks. I feel my heart shatter.

“Please, sit down.” I try to plea, my voice slightly shaky.

“Just tell me what it means!” I flinch at his yell, fighting back the tears. No matter how much it hurts me, I know that he was hurting so much more.

“I don’t know.” I say, and that is the honest truth. His shoulders hang low. “Jaskier, I don’t know.”

“I’m a character.” His voice fills with disgust, as a sudden rush of bravery washes over me. I step to him, grabbing his shoulders.

“You’re so much more than that. You’re here.” I plead again, forcing him to look at me. “You’re you.”

“I’m not even real.” He hisses, escaping my grip. I wrap my hands around myself, as I continue staring at him, as he walks around. Looking for something, anything probably. Wanting things to make sense.

“Then am I crazy and just imagining you? Dave saw you too, Jaskier.” I raise my voice, which makes him stop pacing. Our eyes meet. “You are as real as me. This world just isn’t yours. How that happened, I don’t know, and we will get you home.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” There is so much hurt in his voice that I want to hide under my bed. Run away. Escape. But I choose to stay, for him.

“There is no easy way to say something like this. I don’t even know what this is!” My voice cracks, and that makes Jaskier’s expression soften a little. The storm is passing. “Yes, I recognized you as Joey because he plays you. But you are more than Jaskier we can see on tv. You’re more.”

“Y/N.” Tears escape and that completely washes any and all anger the bard might have had. He comes to me, pulling me towards himself, until we are in an embrace.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.” I sheepishly say, as he rubs my back. “Hiding it wasn’t right. But explaining this… it’s just unexplainable.”

“I can’t expect you to have all the answers.” I shake my head, as he hugs me tighter. I hear him sigh. “I’m sorry. I scared you. You were trying to protect me.”

“You had a right to be mad.” I say, as tears finally seem to stop. I wipe my eyes and nose to my sleeve, but Jaskier doesn’t let me go just yet.

“You’ve been nothing, but kind to me. You gave me a home.” He lands a kiss on my forehead, as my heart melts. “I should be thanking you.”

He now lets me go. I wrap my hands around me, as I watch him go to the laptop, give it one final look, as he closes it. My heart breaks and I know he probably will look at it more. When I leave him alone, or at night. He will hurt himself more but he will never show me.

Because he knows it would hurt me too.

“When you said who you were, Jask, I didn’t believe it. I’ve seen the show. That’s how I knew about Geralt and Yen.” I confess, as he looks at me. His face expressionless. “That’s also why it was so easy to take you home. It felt like I knew you. Because if you were who you said you are… I’ve seen you. You were already part of my world.”

“You liked me?” He asks, crossing his arms. I can’t help but smile.

“I did. You were truly my favourite.” That makes him smirk, but his eyes remain sad. “Getting to know you, only furthers that.”

“I want to watch the show.” He says, and I knew he would. I bite inside of my mouth, as I think about it.

“I can’t stop you from watching your own story, Jask.” I say, hugging myself tighter. “I cant try and protect you anymore.”

“Watch it with me.” Our eyes lock as my heart skips a beat. He seems so sad and scared.

“Of course.” I say, swallowing back more tears.

So we watch it. We watch his story unfold. I avoid looking at him during these eight hours, scared of what he may look like. After the finale, I pause the show before another one starts. There is silence between us as I finally look at him.

He has tears in his eyes, and for a second time today, I feel my heart shatter.

[PART FIVE]

~~~~~~~~~~

TAG LIST [if you want to be added or removed from this list, let me know <3]

@ultracolorfulnerdcollection ; @viyamystic ; @sleepyblossom ; @killjoy-acid-crash ; @halszka-potter <33

[yellsatyouinrogerwaters]

End Of The Night - Rick Wright

 A/N: I'm sorry it took so long, I took a little break.

L E N G T H: 1,582 words W A R N I N G: Nothing really. I N S P I R A T I O N: End of the Night - The Doors

Y O U R    P O V

 The phone rang, causing me to wake from my slumber. I groaned from the sudden noise and lifted myself from my bed, trudging my way to the phone. Pulling the receiver out of its slot, I press the receiver's speaker on my ear. 

"Hello..?," I mumbled.

"[y/n]? Did I wake you up? I'm so sorry if I did,"

"Its fine, Rick. No worries." 

"Alright. Anyways, would you like to come with the band and me on a trip to the forest for a few days? Possible a week for that matter," he asked with his gentle tone. Tittering, I nodded. 

"I'll tag along, I'll bring tons of snacks and essentials," I grinned and let out a little humming laugh. 

"Alrighty! We'll all meet at the studio at 3 and head on to the forests."

"Okay, see you soon," I hung up the phone and dashed up the stairs. I opened the handles on my closet doors and walked into it. Digging through sections of the closet, I found a camping backpack that I kept since I was younger just in case I wanted to go camping again, but this time as an adult. Grabbing it, I opened it up and found some memorabilia, then set it down on a shelf across from me.

 After an hour, my bag was finally packed with everything I needed. Before walking downstairs with the bag, I grabbed my towel. Once downstairs, I plopped the bag down on one of the cushions of the couch and paced to my bathroom. 

After a few minutes, I came out of the shower and changed into comfortable, but casual clothing. As I walked back to the living room again, I dried hair and turned on the T.V. to see if anything was interesting. After a few minutes, I found a Hollywood drama that I couldn't take my eyes off. 

T I M E  S K I P 

R I C K ' S   P O V 

 I arrived quite early at the studio and sat outside on the steps. Taking a deep breath and sigh, I took a book out of a small pile that I packed and slid my finger done the pages, letting the book open up by itself. I began to read and felt the activation of my imagination. 

About 30 minutes go by and I was already one third into the book,

"Hey, Rick!" A voice called, I looked up and saw that it was Nick. I placed my bookmark into its new spot in the book and shut the book, 

"Hello, Nick."

"What'd you pack for the trip?" Nick asked. 

"Not much actually. Just some food, a journal, books, and of course a tent," I elaborated.

It didn't take long until David and Roger arrived. We all stuffed our stuff into the back of the van that's owned by our manager. He would let us borrow it whenever we needed it. 

I gazed down at my wrist and saw what time it was, 3:16. I sighed to myself and fiddled with my fingers. 

 "Rick, is [y/n] coming? We have to get on the road soon before it gets dark," David explained. 

"She's running a bit late, I kno-". The sound of panting became audible and nearby, it caught my ear. I faced the opposite way from the band and traipsed my way over to the gate. Peaking my head slightly over the gate, I saw [y/n] running towards the gate. I swung the door open for her to come in. Once she made it in, she gasped for air with her head facing the ground and her hands on her knees; I took out a canteen from my bag and handed it to her. 

"[y/n], were you running the entire trip here?" she flung her head back and nodded as she drunk from the canteen. Once finished, she handed it back to me and I rubbed her back as she began to struggled less and less with her breathing. 

"Are you okay now?", I asked. 

"Yes, thank you for the refreshment," she showed me a grateful smile. Nick clapped his hand, grabbing the attention of all of us, "Alright, now that we're all here, it's time to get on the road, I'll drive this time." 

"Let me get your bag, [y/n]" I said and got behind her and, in one fluid motion, slid off her bag and placed it with the other bags. 

We all got into the car; Nick in the driver's seat with David seated next to him, Roger having the middle row section to himself, and [y/n] and I in the last row chatting about whatever came to our heads. 

Nick started up the engine and got out of the parking lot in a matter of seconds and we were on way to the forest. 

T I M E  S K I P 

 Nick parked the van right outside of the campsite and turned off the engine. We all filed out of the car and got our stuff out. Heading off to the entrance station, we all looked at our surroundings and soaked up the beauty of it, but I focused most of my gaze on [y/n]. She turned her head and made slight eye contact with me, causing her to display her pearly whites at me. I smiled back and tucked back a strand of my hair, 

"How do you feel about this trip?"

"I'm excited, I finally get to read some books that I haven't been able to read and be outside, which doesn't happen as often as I want it to," she explained. I paid attention to every detail I could, the way she talked, her body language, anything really.  

Arriving at the campsite, we set our things down and set up. I opened the bag that carried the tent and let everything spill out. Spreading everything into its layout and grabbing the tiny hammer that came with the tent, I hammered down each peg deep enough for the tent to be held up steadily. Once I was finished, the tent stood up tall.

"Holy crap, Rick. Where did you get that giant tent?" 

"My father gave it to me, I never thought I would use it, yet here we are," I let out a chuckle. 

"Hmm.." [y/n] said, stepping closer to the tent, "seems like it could fit a whole family." We all laughed, but I developed a faint blush on my cheeks when [y/n] said 'family.'

 Y O U R   P O V 

 The sky began to darken as the sun slowly went to sleep. We all gathered in a circle and put a battery-operated lantern in the center, it shone enough to go beyond the circumference of the circle we've made. 

"Are we telling horror stories?" Roger chuckled. 

"No, we're singing songs and  doing "What am I supposed to do, grab two sticks and beat the ground with them?" Nick questioned.

"That doesn't sound bad actually," I laughed and patted Nick on the back. 

David picked up his acoustic guitar and began to strum the strings. 

"What are we supposed to sing about?" Rick asked.

"Anything," David reassured. Rick cleared his throat and began to sing. It was quite rare for Rick, let alone speak. We were are speechless and wonder-struck. David was slowly strumming slowly but softly, Rick's gentle tone merged perfectly with David's playing. 

"If the sun refused to shine"

"I would still be loving you"

"When mountains crumble to the sea"

"There will still be you and me."

We realized that it was Thank You by Led Zeppelin. Once Rick finished, we all clapped immensely, making him feel a bit shy.  

After hours of singing, joking, and telling stories, we decided to take a little break and each go to our respected tents. I sat in my tent and read The Shining by Stephen King. Being intrigued by the book, I kept my eyes focused on the pages and blocked out my surroundings until I heard a voice, 

"[y/n]," I turned my head to the direction of where the voice was coming from. Slowly getting up, I set my book down on its pages and made my way to the sealing of the tent, unzipping it. Behind the sealing was Rick. He looked a bit worried, 

"Oh, hey Rick. What's up?" I asked in a concerned tone.

"May I come in?" I responded with a nod and he walked with caution. We both walked and sat adjacent to each other. 

"Alright, Rick, what brings you here today?" I joked, chortling. 

"I wanted to open up about something that has been bothering me for a while now," he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Okay, what is it? I promise I would judge you," I reassured him. He took a deep breath and let out a sigh. He looked at his hands and fidgeted with them as he mustered the confidence to say his confession.

"I.. I think I've fallen for you and when I sang that song... it was for you" I smiled a little and nodded my head at him. 

"I've fallen for you too, Rick." 

He grinned at me and I hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, "I love you, [y/n]." 

Without leaving his embrace, I placed my lips on his and kissed him with all the love I could give.

"I love you too, Rick."

[haram-jaan]

hi sanaa, i hope you dont mind getting this ask as it relates to islam. it's ok if u don't wanna answer! i just really admire your thoughts and honesty and also ur overall vibe lol. i've found myself gravitating to islam, but every time i come across things like 'muslim twitter' i always second guess myself and wonder if islam is rly for me after all. i've had ppl tell me that i can separate the religion from the ppl but then it would be an isolating experience. a lot of the muslim ppl i kno 1/2

2/2 are the types of muslims that judge girls who don't wear hijab (which i dont think i'd be ready for) and etc. i don't know what to do. :(

I think the biggest thing is not to base your religion/religious views from Muslim twitter LMFAO it’s just incels and misogynistic aunties NOT a source of good religious representation

If you feel like islam is something you find peace in then that’s for you! as for the muslims you know, surround yourself with new ones. no one should be making you feel guilty for not being ready to wear hijab, especially not friends. it won’t help with ur religious journey

aside from that I’m here to answer anything u want to know 💗

[gayspock]

dont rb dont rply

aye well i’ll have my meltdown anyways  keep fucking going numb & and then randomly fucking collapsing in on myself all stupid style fucking sobbing when i remember it all & i dont know beloved once  . fucking losing it with being trapped in this stupid stupid fucking cycle. the brainrot. keepg etting really fuckin pissed with ppl for no reason but my own pettiness & insecurity & im not. letting myself act on tht shit but god dont you eve rjsut want to blow up fucking  scream at someone just for a Second of catharsis and its not fair but ur just fucking . done and tired of just being so worthless all of the fucking time and its not GOING 2 make u worth anything but maybe just for a moment it might feel like you’ve actually done something even if its entirely destructive like what does it matter man i just feel sick and lonely every fucking second and what DOES it matter when theres no reprieve but like whatever fleeting, immensely shallow thing you can briefly distract yourself with but even that is so wafer thin and delicate and its not enough to substantiate the rest of it, not enough for it to be anything, when everything else still just rings so fucking hollow and exhausting because everything is just draining doing something bothering with something that means fucking nothing  youre ufcking nothing moments i dont care just hate every fucking second of it like you sit there and just resent it all again and again fucking god i wish i had killed myself 5 years ago, 10 years ago, however many years ago because not a single second of the past decade was worth any of it, not a single second and quite the contrary its less than its a “i fucking wish i never did it, i fucking wish so hard that i was never fucking alive ever” because it was always just. fucking stupid trying to be and it hurts knowing none of it ever means anything  like. it never fucking matters and its been so fucking rotten for so long and i dont know why i jsut feel so stupid for still being alive for soemtimes . goes off of the whole self loatihng, the way it spirals; how you think you hate yourself, but at least you’re realistic but no no you’re not you realise you’re worse it’s worse it gets worse you think i hate myself i wish i wasnt alive but do you really are you really that adjusted because surely you’re still so entitled . like you must sitll be so fucking self involved to STILL be crawling abt , thinking you’re anything when everything is to the contrary and i dont know i wish i wasnt . i wish i lsitened to ppl, those tht told the truth, and just fucking realised i was better gone & dead man & it sounds so sick and melodramatc and like a fucking joke but i know i know its fucking true u kno like idkaspfjdsp. its funny fucking sometimes when ppl trty and be like its insecurity its whatever but . as much of an idiot i am its so fucking patronising like i jsut dont fc=sdfpfodsv. thats ANOTHER thing  fucking whatveer but god i dont know u kno when u see ppl saying they’re alone and its not fair to judge in ur position but ur also just so fucking Miserable tenfold bc you would give fucking anything just fucking anything to have friends like they do or have a partner or fucking anything to not ACTUALLY be left out of fucking everything all of the god damn time and i know thts mad stupid childish and unfair but i dont know i jsut.  im going on 10 different tangents i jsut i dont know i fucking. hate it sometimes ijust wish i had somewhere safe sometimes i jsut i dont know im tired of being alone all the time and jsut fucking drifting aimlessly between groups of ppl & never rlly fitting in & fucking just eventually hating being everywhere & just having to tell myself time and time agan that maybe one day but instead its always jsut miserable and lonely and no matter how hard i try its so worthless and its just. why is everything like that u kno like just. it just always means fucking ntohing no matter what u do and theres nothing there and im sick of it its not worth it i dont..... like.. i again dont know why i stayed alive and i jsut feel so fucking stupid. for just having any faith in it . even if i didnt feel-feel like it was worth it i didnt. hate myselfnenough - like even. when i fucking was miserable as SHITE it still... i was still overestimating myself compeltely bc im Less than even tht you know wht i fucking mean. to still be alive; to have lived, thinking it would. i dotng posdjpds gjdsgi dont know . i just fucking . im a joke everythings just a fucking JOKE man its not. anything at all is jsg9j9pdsfjfd. and . its funny bc its not like anyone else would even CARE like i n the sense of nobody is fucking judging me for it bc its not like it even. matters to anyone outside the stupid fucking bubble but thats. god i dont know i think thts whts just. me walking around my room by myself and just siting down andmelting down whenebver i remember like. i am me and i rrally am just. this is it this is who i am na d jsut. i dont k

[frankierose]

hi im listing off my stims because i feel!!! really!!!! positive and happy right now aaaaaaah!!!!!!! long post btw FJDFJfd vocal/auditory: -singing -talking to myself (just abt.. random things, like ‘IMMA GO MAKE SOME RIIIICE yea babye’ i do that a lot lol) -yelling (occasionally tho, like only if im in a Secluded Area like outside or somethin) -making random noises (i like doing like. do do dooo do a lot) -humming -listening to music -snapping or tapping my fingers repeatedly (yeah this is physical but i more do those for the rhythm!!) -Mouth Noises..... (i click my tongue a lOT i also ‘beatbox’ a lot too lol. that one is my F a v) physical: -flapping my hands (happens a lot when im listening to mcr!!!) -rubbing/cuddling a soft object (stuffed animals, blankets, whatever i can find) -rocking back and forth (happens more when im anxious/having a panic attack, it helps keep me in line and i focus on the rhythm of the back and forth motions) -rubbing two pieces of fabric together (like, my shirt or tags!!!) -walking on my tip toes (i just found out this was a stim!!! ive been doing it my whole life aah!!!) -spinning around -hopping/jumping -flexing mah MUSCLES/moving rhythmically (which i am doing right now!!! its kind of hard to explain but like.. sometimes ill shrug my shoulders and move my feet n stuff like theres background music to my LIFE!!) -blinking rlly hard/scrunching up my face -opening my hands REAAAAAAALLY BIG -DANCIN!! I LOVE DANCIN!! even tho i do look dumb doing it lOL

tactile (bad/negative stims that i should.. prob stop doing...): -cracking my knuckles (i do this a lot more when im anxious aah even tho its bad for my hands its so relaxing and satisfying) -picking at dead skin/my lips (I DO THIS TOO MUCH FMDMF.) -picking my nails -biting the inside of my mouth (im pretty sure like... the inside of my cheeks are S c a r r e d) -grinding my teeth (i dont do this one as much but like. sometimes i grind my teeth to like songs and im like NO DO SOMETHING ELSE THATS NOT GOOD FOR UR TEETH U DUMMY but. i Continue Anyway) my fav stims/items to stim with are: -my gem bracelet made from... citrine n clear quartz!!!! since theyre like glass i rub em together and it makes Noises and Feels Cool ill also count the beads and just run my fingers along them.. sometimes i will swing it around from a charm it has on it!!! -my stuffies!! i used to chew on them a Lot sdjfdsfnds but sometimes u just need someone to hug or somethin to squeeeeeeze :> -i really love jumping and spinning and flapping!!!!! sometimes u jus gotta!!!! do stuff!!! its really nice!!!!! -i tap my fingers A LOT!! is nice!!! the ways i stim On Lien are: -lots of exclamation points!!!!! aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! -speakin weird. (thas, is okie, kno, tha, hapey/babye/funney etc) Capitalizing Random Words. u kno -ramblin!!! sometimes i just randomly word vomit if im stimulated!!! like... i have posts on here that are just me goin like ‘dododododoodododdo [insert song lyrics here] I WANNA!! DANCEEEEE WOOOOOMP. nyoooooooooom. chop chop karate noises’ -KEY SMASHING SJDFJSDFNDSMF. when i jus.. cannot express mah emotions.. with words.... ^^thes... make me Very Hapey..!!!!^^ stimming irl is still kinda scary for me because im constantly focusing on what im doing in front of people. an im.. scared theyre gonna judge me but like. im Tryn to get Better at being comfortable w myself!! anyway this was random and!!!! yall dont have to read this at all but like. it was jst somthin i wanted to write :>

[aviidus-archived]

Can you teach me any tips in anatomy or drawing the male body? Like I absolutely love your art! Do you use references?

Disclaimer: I’m a self-taught artist and I learned mostly by practice, studying and looking at references, studying other artists, and using the things around me for reference (ie. my hands, poses etc.). There are also some things I learned in art class (which honestly isn’t really art class, it’s just doing different projects that have no relation to each other) and through my artistic friend @knightsweetiesart​! Here’s her art ref blog @queensweeties​

***I don’t have proper knowledge of anatomy, so I hope what I’m presenting is relatively close.. ; w ;

But, if you’re still interested with how I draw stuff, here you go!

That’s much of it! For those interested in knowing how I draw the bbs boys, read more bellow!:

Evan: Since Evan is a former hockey player, he’s a pretty huge buff man. Like;;; he’s really well built. Although over the years, since he doesn’t play much hockey anymore, he’s getting a little squishy and even more ahsdfdafasf as time goes on. U kno what I mean?

Delirious: This is my version of him. I picture him as a lanky guy, pretty lean with some muscles here and there. uwu I forgot to give him a beard.. dammit

Panda: Honestly, he’s my favorite out of all of them to draw. He’s just so round and squishy. He’s got a strong-fat body type (but leaning in more to the chubbier side, with a lil’ bit of tum-tum), definitely my favorite body type. the stereotypical buff muscular man is so overrated 

Tyler: How do I even begin with this titan… He’s got a similar body type as panda, but he’s a lot taller and and less on the soft chub side (he’s still soft tho). Also his beard and hair are so fluffy

Brian: This man might as well be a damn model Is2g. He’s pretty built, I’d say almost as built as 2014 Vanoss.

Nogla: Toll irish potato. He’s lanky as hecc, and he doesn’t look like he work out much??? lol, Maybe I don’t look at references of him often enough. He’s pretty skinny in that one Miniladd Q&A video which I know is about four years old. Lately, he’s been getting just a tiny bit of chub on his face. Have you seen his insta photos? he looks so soft and squishy now.

Ohm: Now, the way I draw him is based off his arm/hand/leg reveals both on youtube, twitter, and his insta. Judging by his fingers, hands, and wrists, he’s a pretty big guy, but like.. rlly soft I think- at least that’s what I want to imagine. Soft bunny rabbit lol

Cartoonz: This man is thin but he works out a lot, basically an average body type. But musclessss he’s got them. Also the damn beard. asdf

Marcel: He’s not as buff nor as chub. He’s got an average body type, so pretty basic- ha, get it.. BasicallyIdowrk???. I’m going to let myself out;;;;

Brock: During his face reveal, he mentioned that he used to play rugby and american football, safe to say he’s a huge man. Once again, on of my fav body types aaaaa w

Also, I’m very bad with description, I’m sorry adsfds

[leatherdisaster]

How do you feel about Rick//////Morty? No judgement

oh boy we openin that can o worms? aight

on its own, theres a lot of things inherently wrong with it, as we all know; the age difference, the power dynamic, the fact theyre related, etc. but i dont have such a strict view on what ppl ship, what they do with their time or writing, etc... i v much follow the thoughts of it being fictional & these characters are an artistic platform to express what we want, how we want to. thats not to say it wont effect anyone as yes, anything in public spaces can get to minors n the eyes of those that shouldnt or dont want to see it (tho i also think thats partially on fault of ppl that are out there peekin), but thats also what filters are for. some ppl utilize that kind of ship to cope with their own relationship or family dynamics, trauma, etc, n i respect that n rly, like... bruh the worlds a mess. this fandom is a mess. everythings messy n everyones gonna think n feel differently about it n u kno, i think if it ever became CANON in the TV show, that would b a big difference than writin the two of em gettin it on in a discord server or sth, u kno?

i guess thats to say i respect both sides; i dont ship it n im not big on it even tho i like p much every other aspect of the dynamic n im a lover of toxic relationships n love me some smut. its not my purrsonal scene but i dont judge or condemn other ppl for shipping or writing it, cause lords kno i have my share of ugly kinks & writing tropes that are gonna make other ppl uncomfortable. i guess overall i just feel, live n let live, u kno? i could never see it myself cuz the idea of rick having romantic feelings for morty in any verse makes me wanna laugh, but again, thats why we have the freedom to explore fictional horizons! theres just no avoiding the fact itd be toxic, either in the writing or around it; but i love me some toxic writing so id feel a bit hypocritical if i went back on that, and quite frankly, as long as no ones making deformed babies or w/e i never have n never will have anything against, or care about incest. i know family is a dynamic that is supposed to be kept a certain way, but i grew up with a view that was out of the ordinary from that with the hillbilly cousins that kiss n get married, n i just.. dont really care i guess, is the end of it! but i also understand & respect why other ppl would have sth against it n in any fandom i try my best not to step on any toes, aha.

[linearao3]

Challenge prompt for February; Rey and Ben are texting each other filthy things to rile each other up before they get home to do said filthy things to each other

The prompt does not explicitly specify, but I have derived from, uh, context clues, that this is intended, like the last anonymous prompt, for the Rey and Ben of Kohelet 3:16, in their LA life.  And that is what I have delivered.  Doing the text formatting I did in the story proper is kind of exhausting on Tumblr, so you will have to figure out who is typing from their style.  (When I answered the prompt on Friday night, I was like, “This is probably among the dirtiest things I’ve ever written.”  But I may have topped myself?)

i miss u

Oh, you do, do you?

I’ve heard that one before.

yeah u have

so u know what i mean

You mean you miss my mouth on your cunt.

oh I miss lots of things

but yeah now that u mention it…

its a very nice mouth

Yes, well, I’m extremely busy clerking, so you’ll just have to wait.

ben. we both know how good u are @ waiting.

But we’re talking about YOU waiting.

uh huh

u kno i went to work in just a camisole today

it’s too hot out for bras

if I get too turned on someone might notice

Rey.

but ur busy clerking so i guess im just gonna have to finish out the day like this

REY I AM ACTUALLY BUSY CLERKING

but ur answering ur texts

I’m going to stop now. I’m going to put my phone in my bag on silent and read this brief.

ben if i come to ur office wd you fuck me in a bathroom?

if u came to mine we have this nice supply closet full of snacks

u cd have fruit leather AND get ur dick sucked

sounds fun right??

sounds fun to me

i love it when im sucking ur cock and u start pushing ur hips

like u cant help it

like u need it

does it feel good?

fucking my mouth like that?

i love it when u pull my hair and make me take ur cock

oh u cn def see my nips thru my shirt ben

someone’s gonna walk by and see and think code compiling makes me hot

or maybe they’ll think

oh she’s prolly texting her bf i bet he fucks her good

bet shes a dirty little slut for him

bet shes wet right now just thinking about the sounds he makes when she gets on her knees and sucks him off

shdnt a brief be short ben its called a brief

I’m not your boyfriend. And “good” doesn’t apply to what I’m going to do to you when I get home, Rey.

u kno thats how i like it

Yes; I know just how you like it.

you do. 

I would have anyway. You didn’t have to go through all this. All you have to do is ask nicely, once, when we’re both home.

i AM asking nicely.

arent i?

oh shd i say please?

Yes. You should. You have no manners.

PLEASE show me what happens to dirty little sluts with no manners

Rey.

sir.

Fuck.

You murderous little bitch, you’re going to kill me.

dont die ben

if u die i might have to fuck someone else, and they wouldn’t be as good

English lacks vocabulary to express how evil you are.

but i only want u

because ur my favorite and i love you best

You daughter of Lilith.

I’m going to make you scream.

lol guess what

What, Rey.

delays on the expo line

im still downtown

u at home yet?

I wouldn’t be texting you if I were driving.

a safe driver AND a nice cock what a husband i have

She knows Ben’s going to be waiting for her just inside the door and he is. He grabs her from behind, her keys still jingling in her hand. “You filthy little brat,” he breathes in her ear, as his right hand moves slowly over the curve of her hip and his left one draws her close. “You made me blush in front of a federal judge. I had to tell her you’d sent me a compliment.”

“I did.” She works her hips against his stiffening cock. “I sent you lots of compliments.”

“You sent me pornography.” Rey wasn’t lying about having forgone a bra. It’s hot; the AC’s on but he has his sleeves rolled up above his elbows. Both his hands come up to toy with her breasts, kneading and teasing. “You sent me a lot of texts about sucking my cock.”

“Oh,” she says. “Did those catch your interest?”

“Get on your fucking knees,” he says, but she can’t; he’s holding her too tightly against him. She tries to pull away, to show him that she can’t do what he says, but he only strengthens his grip and grinds into her.

“You like it?” he asks her. “You like sucking your husband’s cock? Like a good little slut?”

“Not good.” She turns her head, trying to kiss his jaw, his neck. “Naughty. Dirty. Bad.” She licks him, the rough, shaven skin of his neck. It makes her feel like an animal, but she doesn’t care; she can be an animal with him.

“You are bad,” he agrees, “you’re so bad you make me crazy. So bad you make me cry.” He kisses her. His lips are so soft; his tongue is so subtle. “But you look so good with my cock in your mouth.” He loosens his grip and turns her in his arms so he can kiss her more thoroughly. “Show me, Rey.”

She likes to tease him, draw out playing with his belt while she smiles up at him, but he has no patience for that now; she isn’t even on the floor before he has his cock out and one hand on her head. She purses her lips at the head of his cock and takes him into her mouth slowly, stroking him lightly with her tongue. He almost staggers, his other hand grasping her shoulder to keep his balance as he buckles with pleasure.

Their apartment is small, without much empty space; it only takes a little shove from her to have him against the arm of the couch. He leans on it and looks down at her as she works at him with her hands and her mouth. He sighs brokenly before he can gather himself to whisper to her. “Yes. Fuck. Look at you.” She turns her head slightly, looks up at him. His eyes are wide, dazed, staring at her; after only a moment he groans and throws his head back, as if meeting her gaze was too much for him. His hand strokes blindly, clumsily at her hair.

His hips are beginning to make the small, pleading thrusts Rey’d texted him about. She slides her mouth off his cock and stoops a little to take one of his balls in her mouth. His hand clenches on her head and his moan is almost a sob as she sucks gently, then moves to the other with a pop of suction. His free hand clenches on the scratchy felt of the couch. She licks up a drop of pre-come, and puts his cock between her lips again. The taste of him goes so perfectly with the smell of him; she bobs her head at a leisurely, savoring pace, and reaches down to rub herself through her jeans.

He hisses at her, and drags her off him by her hair, ignoring her noises of protest. He turns her around again, unbuttoning her pants, as he pushes her against the arm of the couch. “I know how you like it.” He yanks her pants and underwear to her knees and pushes lightly on her shoulder blades; she falls eagerly. “I know just how you like it. And I am going to make you scream, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” she says into the cushions, and then his fingers are inside her, flexing, beckoning, while the tip of his thumb settles just shy of her clit, pulling at the hood without ever touching the pearl, and Rey groans and twists and kicks her legs helplessly, but his fingers are relentless and her groans become small, aching cries.

Then his other hand closes in her hair, pulling her back into an arch, and she knows what’s coming; he pulls his fingers out of her, and her body, which must have no sense of self-preservation, clenches down as he pushes his cock in. She screams around the wet fingers he thrusts into her mouth as he fucks her, bracing himself against the couch, and he does know just how she likes it; she likes it just like this, just like he gives it to her, her forearms burning where they rub against the felt, her back tight as a bow, and her hips driven into the arm of the couch as he rides her.

“Such a bad girl.” He’s so deep inside her. She ruts back against him frantically; she’s mad with pleasure; she’s an animal in his arms and he will keep her with him. “Don’t I give you what you want?”

“Yes,” she cries. Fuck – fuck – she’s so close. “I need it.”

“You do,” he agrees. “Look at you. Ah. You do.” And he fucks her even harder, until she comes, gasping and thrashing and screaming, again.

The instant she’s quieted down, he pulls out of her and drags her backwards; she isn’t sure if he wants her on her knees or on her back, and she ends up half-slumped against the couch with his left hand in her hair and his right jerking furiously at his cock.

“You wanted to see,” he grits. “Want to see what happens – to dirty little sluts – with no manners?”

“Yes,” she says, “yes, please.”

His jaw is clenched; his hand on her head is clenched. “Call me sir.”

“Please, sir,” she begs, and he drags her close and comes on her face in hot, shocking spurts, choking and groaning above her.

He sways and falls to his knees, cradling her face in his hands, with a stunned look, like he’s bewitched, like he can’t believe what he sees. Then he falls again, backwards, onto the floor, taking her with him, clutched to his chest. “Rachel,” he says, and she can feel it in her bones, the way his deep voice is torn from his chest. “Rachel.”

They lie there on the floor, still half-dressed, soaked with sweat and come, and she hears his heart, like hers, begin to slow. Around the edges of the blinds, the sun is still warm, and the AC hums from the bedroom. His fingers run through her hair, catching on tangles he’s put there himself. They will get up; he will carry her (if she lets him) into the shower, and he’ll wash her carefully, rubbing the soap in thorough, soothing circles, repeating variations on her name, Rey, Rachel, Ruchele. Shaina maidle, habibati, dodi. They will put on clothes again, and order a pizza, or he’ll run down the street to the taco truck on Venice. But for now they just lie here, and she feels him shift, and tells him what he wants to know before he can ask it.

“You are still my favorite,” she says, and kisses his hand, “and I still love you best.”

[pepprs]

[DONT RB] ok so there’s no way for me to talk abt this that isn’t gonna make me look like an absolute dumbass but im in the middle of a creative existential crisis and i rly need help figuring it out :•( this is gonna get SUPER LONG so im putting it under a readmore. thank u to anyone who reads this!!! and double thank u to anyone who can give some input / advice, i rly rly appreciate it. im sorry abt the length!

aight so for some background.... ive been drawing n writing poetry for abt 5 yrs now and both of those things r rly important to me. in school im an english major w a creative writing minor (for the poetry) and i work as a graphic designer (for the art) so ive been growing a lot as an artist and writer esp in the past 2 yrs and im kinda workin towards one or the other (or ideally both somehow!) as a career. one of the biggest dreams ive had since i started seriously pursuing both of these hobbies 5 yrs ago is to publish a book of poetry that i design / illustrate myself, and also to have a portfolio online where ppl can read all of my poetry and see all of my artwork (both professional / work stuff but also archives of all of my sketchbooks since those r rly important to me!!!) and maybe even make some sort of online shop where ppl can buy my art (stickers, keychains, etc!) and my poetry books!

that sounds pretty simple right? WRONG!!!!!! why? bc im a fucking idiot! and there are several dumb things i do that make this dream completely impossible for me to achieve! love that for me!

so for starters... ive been posting (almost) all of my art and ALL of my poetry online for all 5 yrs ive been creating it. that’s bad because:

ive hardly ever used my real name (which i would want to use for the book / shop / portfolio), it’s been under my usernames / aliases that go along w them (p*pe, pep, pea, etc and related usernames that shall not be mentioned) and i started going by my real first name only abt a yr ago, but still maintain those usernames for the most part in conjunction w my real name

my work has been primarily been posted to d*viantart and tumblr which aren’t exactly the most uh... professional places to do that. not that there rly are many i guess lmao but still

my online persona on these platforms is rly like. lax and loose which is Cool And Quirky when brought into a professional setting if it’s done right i guess.... but im just immature and unprofessional. i swear all the time, i shitpost constantly, im incessantly tmi? and that’s not even it like it’s just a whole mess!

SO there’s that whole set of problems and like im just concerned because... i stopped posting art online last yr for the most part and a lot of the old stuff that’s on dA (since that was rly where i did it most) is bad and not worth sharing like that anyways, so im not as worried abt that. but my poetry.... i still actively post that online in all my messiness and candidness here and like. it’s rly not that hard to find me? like if u copy a poem of mine and put it in google it’ll pull up my dA right away! and that’s like.... GOD i just am embarrassed for anyone irl to see that or for that to be connected with my irl / professional self in the future, but i don’t want to stop posting my work there (or here!!!!!) bc the community is so supportive and ive made some rly good connections / built a lot of traction over the 5 yrs ive been doing it. (PLUS for the online portfolio i wanna do specifically... i kinda want to post all of my art and poetry there, like everything ive ever done (specifically poetry, ive written almost 500 poems over the 5 yrs ive been doing it!), but i feel like that’s not rly the most professional thing to do and idk how to even gauge whether it is or not :-/)

but that’s not all!!!! because there’s another part to this and that is: the very nature of the content i produce is Not Good! for my art it’s not as much of a problem bc since I work as an artist rn a lot of what i make is professional, but for my personal art... a lot of that is either self portraits or my characters and a lot of my characters are like. animals. like specifically pepe (who is basically Me As A Cat).... i draw her constantly and so much of my best work is of her but it’s just like? embarrassing i guess for my ocs to take up so much of my portfolio and sketchbooks and stuff and share that. like i know everyone has characters and it’s not bad to do that and share that but i feel like ppl will judge me :-( so it’s made me rly hesitant to post stuff to my art ig for example bc i just don’t fucking know how to act, like it’s bad enough that i can’t type the way i want to and i have to type in proper caps n whatever instead bc irls i don’t know / trust as well follow me (including some ppl from work? Yikes?)....... but i feel like i can’t share my sketchbook stuff for example bc it’s all cats and my characters and visual shitposts and im uncomfy to share that bc like... im almost 20 and i don’t want ppl to think im immature or whatever? i kno i should feel like it’s my account and i can post wot i want but like. i fucking can’t bro i just can’t!!

and THEN.... my poetry. that’s the biggie bc like for my art? even tho im uncomfortable i don’t mind sharing that w ppl i know irl but for my POETRY.... it’s very easy to find like where i share that i guess? (the google thing i mentioned earlier but also its linked to my art on here and dA too... f) but i literally never actively share my writing w irl ppl unless im performing @ an open mic or workshopping in class bc im fucking terrified of the possibility of irl ppl finding my poetry. it’s almost ironic how public ive been w it online but how private i am abt it irl... it’s like im living a double life and it’s fucking terrible but it’s the only way i feel safe. bc like art is what i do for other ppl and also to destress and vent when i need a quick fix on my own time. but poetry.... that’s personal, it’s where i feel most like myself, it’s how i talk abt my life and ppl in it and make meaning of things and talk abt things authentically and Get Deep. and my literal worst nightmare is for ppl (who have the explicit ability to by virtue of Knowing Me) to read into it and Understand what im talking abt and have that power over me and see me differently for feeling the way i do or doing what i do. ive actually already been burned by this before after my mom read some work of mine that had been published irl (i don’t want to get too into it but basically i retroactively outed myself thru her reading that poem for what it was and it was Very Very Bad) and as paranoid abt it as i was before, it’s even worse now that it’s actually happened to me and could happen again at any time, esp if i decide to take my work further.

that manifests in a few ways too, like my writing is so cryptic and vague and very heavy on metaphors / symbolism and shit partially out of that deep fear and need to shield myself and my work. sometimes in spaces where i do feel comfy sharing, ppl have a hard time understanding my poetry unless i give context. online and on stage and in workshop ppl don’t rly know me outside of a context where the only thing we have in common is self expression thru poetry, so i don’t rly mind sharing more when it’s appropriate. but if i were to share my work as a book or w/e, ppl im close to (who maybe don’t always think like a poet / artist does bc they aren’t that) would want to buy it and read it and might ask abt what it means and i don’t even know what i would do in that situation. and if ppl were to read my work and see themselves / others in it, whether it is abt them or not, im scared it could genuinely damage relationships like it did with my mom.

SO UH.... idk where im going w this rly, i kno it’s long and rambly and melodramatic and im probably overthinking it and making a mountain out of a molehill and nobody even knows / cares abt me AND my work @ the same time enough to read That Deep into it. but it just fucking sucks that im so uncomfortable and insecure that i can’t comfortably fulfill literally the one single long term goal / life dream that i have. andthe thing that sucks is i can’t talk to Anybody abt this except like... my sister and brother bc they’re the only ppl i genuinely tell everything to, but they don’t have the knowledge and expertise abt art / poetry that like... my poetry prof does, for example. and my poetry prof is one of the best ppl ive ever met and the Only person ive ever met irl who respects and understands my poetry in the exact way i need someone to. she and i have been talking and she rly wants to help me publish my poetry bc she sees merit in my work and knows how bad i want to / how successful it’s been already, but i don’t know how to talk abt this to her bc im embarrassed to tell her abt posting online and being ashamed abt my muses and all that and it just!!! sucks so much bc i kinda want to publish my work @ least once before i graduate and do it semi regularly for the rest of my life? but there’s so much in my way and it’s just! FGGFHDGJGGGG

[free-the-mages]

15 Questions

:] Many thanks to @fen-harel for the tag!!! They’re always including me and that makes me feel... included. And happy! <3 I don’t remember if this is my first OOC meme thing like this but it’s the first I do remember, so… yeah! ;] Ya’ll (who read this) are ‘bout to learn more about me than you probably want to!

Are you named after someone? First off, the name I use online – Kaitlyn – is my real name. As far as being named after someone… like, not really? Though my mom has, on multiple occasions, told me about how Sheena Easton’s character on Miami Vice was named Caitlin, but she didn’t like that spelling so she changed it. So the name was brought to her attention from that, but she didn’t name me it because she loved the show or the character or anything. She just fell in love with the name.

When was the last time you cried? More like, when was the last time I didn’t cry?! Haha, jkjk. I am an emotional wreck tho. :] I actually teared up a bit earlier today, realizing it was N7 Day, and that sending me into the rollercoaster of feelings I get from Mass Effect in general, but there are also some super heavy feelings attached to the Trilogy for reasons outside the scope of the game itself. I guess. Idk if that makes sense, but it’s not something I’m gonna go into so publicly here. (Tbh, it’s not something I have an issue talking about, it’s just something that could definitely be triggering for others and I don’t wanna put that out there like that.) Anyway, moving on!

Do you have kids? I have a cat! I’m not gonna ask if she counts because she 100% does!! Her name is Memphis (yes, like the city in Tennessee) and I love her and she’s my baby!!!! My lil’ Mem Mem! My Moo Moo!! (she is my world, guys.)

Here’s a couple gifs I made for you guys of her high on the ‘nip!

Do you use sarcasm a lot? A fair amount, yeah. But really only if I’m comfortable with people though. I’ve even had friends who don’t fully understand my humor/sarcasm and are like, “… seriously?” and I’m like, “… no.” :3

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their approachability. I’m not insanely social, ya know? So when I’m meeting people or taking note of people, I tend to assess how approachable they appear. And yeah, some of that is how they look, but come on. The whole not judging a book by it’s cover thing is definitely a thing. I guess I just really know whether or not I’m going to feel comfortable with/around a person by the sense of approachability I get from them. It happens immediately, really. Mostly from the way they greet me, or introduce themselves to me, or engage with me. I gravitate towards immediately engaging people. If a person seems standoffish, I’m like… this isn’t gonna work probably. Which isn’t super great, because maybe some people are just having an off day and aren’t super into engaging at that time! But it is what it is, I guess. One does try to be better, though. ^^ Now, if we’re talking about online, it’s pretty much the same thing. I notice the way they present themselves, and you usually can really tell how approachable a person is by the way they talk through text and like, emojis and stuff. :] Being social online isn’t really any easier for me than it is in person, so if I’m looking at someone’s blog or something and I’m just like, “This person seems so great. I’d like to be friends!” then I def know they’re def approachable. To me, at least. xD (I’ve come across a lot of approachable appearing people thus far in my time in the fandom! <3)

What’s your eye color? Like a bluish/greyish/greenish color. It shifts a bit sometimes. There are also some orange-ish flecks in there.

Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Well, I’m not super into scary movies. I mean, I definitely love a happy ending, no matter what!! But I’ve been trying to challenge myself in recent years to watch more scary things because I detest being frightened (it’s more of the jump scare/startle thing that I really hate) but I can’t just watch any scary movie. It has to have a plot that really sticks out to me. However, thus far, every scary movie I’ve gone out of my way to see has been a dud in my – and my movie-going partners’ – book. I’ll keep trying, though! One of these days I’ll find a scary movie that I’ve personally picked to see that I actually like and would watch again!

Any special talents? Um…. I’m fat and can do the splits?! Is that a special talent?! (By some people’s reaction[s], it sure seems like it. xD) Idk. I tend to think there’s nothing special about me, as one does, u kno. :]

Where were you born? A hospital in Florida sometime during the rampage of Hurricane Hugo.

What are your hobbies? Um… video games? xD Drawing! Writing (when I actually write, that is)! Making gifs! Sleeping! Making fun of myself in a way that seriously sounds like I’m putting myself down but it’s totally okay because that’s just what I do so don’t worry about it! :D I’m just garbage, guys. <3

Do you have any pets? THE GIFS AGAIN!!!!

THAT FACE.

LOVE HER.

How tall are you? Last I knew I was like, 5’7” or so.

What sports do you play/have you played? None, because I am not athletic in the least! OHOH! I did play volleyball for a half a second in elementary school! But there were no other teams to play against so we literally had ONE!! practice. :]

Favorite subject at school? LUNCH!!!! *fat girl in body and spirit* :3 But really. I’ve always been pretty good at English/whatever you wanna call your literary classes or whatevs. I was in AP English in 10th grade! But I didn’t apply myself like I should have after Freshman year, so… the whole AP thing didn’t last long. :] Anyway, I was good at the English, but I wouldn’t say that, as a class, I ~~~liked it all that much. MATH IS G A R B A G E THANK YOU VERY MUCH. So is gym. TOO. MUCH. RUNNING. Idk. School was a total crapshoot for me so I wouldn’t say I really appreciated any class.

BUT THAT’S A FUCKING LIE.

FRENCH.

FRANÇAIS.

MY TEACHER WAS A GLORIOUS WOMAN AND SHE MADE THE CLASS SO FUN AND ENJOYABLE.

So yeah. The answer is French. :]

Dream job? Honestly I always felt like it was something I’d never have, so it’s something I’ve never really thought about. I mean, just something I enjoy doing that I don’t hate in less than a decade. That makes me some decent money, ya dig?

So basically that’s it!! :D Whew, that was long! I’m not gonna officially tag anyone ‘cause everyone’s already been tagged, I just know it. But if you aren’t tagged and you happen to see this and wanna do it, then DO IT!! :D And tag me so I can read it!! Also thank youuuuu to anyone who read this. Love you all!!!

 <3

[kosmicdream]

Hi I’m Kosmic. I draw webcomics and my webcomics are really long sprawling huge cast ones that will go on for years and they’re non linear and all this stuff that makes ppls heads spin when they try to explain wtf they’re about. I ask myself this question a lot: How the fuck do I maintain this motivation for continuing projects that are honestly, probably bigger than i can possibly feasibly create??? How do i avoid swallowed up by anxiety of my own creations???? is that energy going to run out at any time? should i be worried?? Well! For some reason I... don’t? like i get winded sometimes but in the end, I actually quite like what i do and I don’t care that it takes literally years to make my stories. but when I step back and look at it objectively it does make me scratch my head and wonder how i came to be in this situation. So, sometimes i  try and write a few things that help me with understanding my own process, for whatever reason. Or at least I’ll TRY to articulate some of the things i seem to tell myself again and again that help me feel very comfortable with my writing/creating process. So if you want an insight into tips that i give myself.. this is that! 

TIP #1 - Everything you Plan will take longer than you planned, but you can make it easier by unexpectedly including information you might have otherwise withheld.

Secrets are cool in your stories. I have so many of them, but I also understand that they’re much more fun to share than to always keep locked up and out of knowledge. I often overshare to the point where ‘info dumping’ happens which is often considered an unattractive quality in comics. But IDM it so much because my comics just need to be drawn and you can’t glorify and hold every flaw over your shoulders when in the end its not going to be that big of a deal. I think its better to give out more information than finding reasons to bend around a story to avoid revealing things. I feel it might even be more obvious if you attempt to do that.

Also, I feel that everything planned in a story can happen quite quickly, and feel much shorter than actually drawing it. Even with the experience ive gained, i still am surprised just by how much i must throw out to make my long scenes shorter and snappier. even then, they are still really long scenes. I don’t mind doing this, I like to make my stories this way- but ive also designed my comic to serve this pace by making my pages less intensive physically to make. I’m not going to go in depth about this as ive already discussed this many times before, but I do think its important to understand that generally, a commitment to a comic is going to be bigger and longer than it appears in your mind or even on paper as a script or thumbnails.

(my comic eggshells, for example, was originally going to be 340ish pages long. but back then, my pacing was much different-- and my pages were generally twice as wide with around 15 panels per page..sometimes more. but i would over-render and make them hard to read, and now i draw very few panels per page and my comics are much ‘longer’ in page count.)

TIP #2

-Accept that your ideas are bigger than what you can draw and enjoy the private context and history of your work without feeling like its less accomplished for not being all out there. Validate yourself but also understand that your readers are not going to understand the depth from your perspective and they will be engaging with the view they’ve been exposed to.

This is kind of a complicated one but I think that its both humbling to accept your work as this multi layered experiences of contradicting perspectives.. theres the planning and your engagement with the goals, the work of translating your creation to others and the vulnerable exposure of these ideas to the audience. As the creator, you get to see things in a very unique way that no one else can but... the one feeling you will never get to see is the audience who has no idea what will happen next. You can anticipate it, but in the end its so vast and unpredictable that it will be impossible to judge what they ALL will FEEL and sometimes? their perceptions can alter your own enjoyment of your work. I guarantee it will change it in SOME way.. that’s part of the sacrifice.

TIP #3

-Allowing change, flexibility and growth into your series- and letting go of control over all facets of it.

As time goes on things just change. Its hard to accommodate or prepare for that kind of investment in your work when you feel like you havent even gotten through the starting gates of your story. Comics are particularly difficult for that because once you draw a thing, it takes time to edit and you cant really undo and go back. Each panel informs and builds on the next. You have to use what’s there and figure out how it can be a structure for the future.

Accepting the past that has helped create the situation and platform of your comic in the present, which will lead into the future. Personally, i’m not a fan of retconing* certain decisions that have been already made into the canon-- however, i think if a new conclusion or idea is discovered in the process of writing and it works to include because it creates a new and alive energy in the work that will help push it to the next stage.. i think that’s very helpful and useful for sustaining the growth and motivation in a story. Making choices like this can be tricky, however, but even small ones can give a lot of natural growth and flexibility in the comic. The problem can often come with letting go of that unseen, unrealized version we had intended. I know for myself, i can get very nostalgically attached to old ideas but-- if i think of something better that works or makes more sense, I’m always thankful to let go and let my stories grow into a better thing. I try to remember where it came from, however. Because that helps inform me where to go.

(*generally my definition for this is altering events of the past, certain core plans of the comic, character motivations, or facts that are connected to the worldbuilding. im kind of a hoarder so once its in the story aka on a specific page-- its not going anywhere. until then things can be up in the air. for example, the characters knife and spoon were not originally intended to be mutually in love and it was more of a one sided idol worship, but as i fleshed their characters out i realized that it was mutual and it changed and altered the story because of that. now it cannot/will not be “undone” for whatever reason bc this is.. an established fact in the story. but at one point, it was not! i hope that makes sense.)

SO TO SUMMARIZE... plans will always be “”bigger”” in the ever expansive space of your mind so also dont be afraid to get to the point sometimes even if it feels a little, like. less exciting than you thought? accept your story is going to be different for YOU vrs your audience and make peace with that disconnect even tho its disorienting + upsetting sometimes & accommodate the ~natural personal and artistic growth~ you will experience and let go of things that might be holding you or your work back from improving with you. but also dont try to cut out too much of the past because.. it is what helped you get to where you are right now? focus on the present & allow growth for the future, dont try to alter the past and pretend it didnt happen. bc that will be confusing as fuck for everyone involved and also probably hurt the story more than help it. esp if its a long one. ur building a tower dont pull out too many foundational blocks and try to make it too much of something else unless its growing there on its own.. u kno? 

When I try to write these tips these are just things I find myself doing in a cycle as i create that seem to keep re igniting my passion for my story again and again. It makes me curious because it also is a very instinctual thing so I thought I might try and write it out!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY.

ALSO some bonus thoughts!!!!!!!!!! I will say that I’ve never completed a long format comic series, so take it w/ a grain of salt imo. HOWEVER...I probably will, eventually. Even if I don’t, I do enjoy writing really big ones and I feel very happy with the work i do on them! and still feel no inclination to move onto other things. Or even when I work on other things, I don’t have a feeling of dropping a story entirely. (for example, i still intend to work on my older series eggshells and don’t really feel a desire to ‘quit’ that story even when i have matured as an author/artist since starting it.)

When I read really long comic series I wonder a lot of internal decisions that happen out of sight, since the timeline of a comic that you read is so much different than the timeline it takes actually creating the thing. its so easy to write/plan/form ideas for lifetimes of work that will never be realized, so what is it that we actually get in the pages? What aspects of this author are we actually seeing? how much have they grown since beginning and what about the story we will never know? I know I’ll never know, because, I am only the reader! And as the creator, I will never know what the feeling of my work as the reader. or the cool and interesting things they predict will happen based on their perseptions, which are so different from mine. Yet!! we are all engaged in the same story unfolding, never fully discovering what its like on the other side but only getting little glimpses and thats fascinating how a story is almost this vast illusion of experiences maintained by so many different minds. 

Long format comics captivate me because they are just, really time consuming to make and the pacing of them are so different and less consumable than other stories. They like become.. this place you live in! Why are they my favorite to enjoy even when its natural that, when a story becomes longer, its going to end up attracting more & more issues? Why do i Not care about resolutions to long stories sometimes bc my expectations for them are different?? (also lets face it, experience writing long stories is going to be different than writing short ones because it takes time to write longer things & we are not going to have as much experienc having more than one completed super long multi-act-multi-characterplot story vrs a bunch of smaller ones. it doesnt mean its EASIER to write shorter ones, if anything id argue its probably much harder to write good short things + isolate a story down to that focused vision than making tons of long ones that avoid endings) but..yet!! here i am...

why am i constantly drawn to trying to understand long format stories when I probably could improve faster by writing shorter things??! i dont really know! but i follow my heart and my heart likes to do things this way......

anyway, this entire post is mostly inspired by the fact that many of my favorite stories started before i was even born or have been going on for decades and i wonder if we’ll ever read the endings to many of them.... would it.. matter? they’ve already inspired me so much even without a resolution because i can imagine my own endings to things.. but in the end that is not what happened in the actual story. it was only in my mind.. and yet it never happened, and was an illusion unknown to anyone but myself.....and sometimes my favorite stories are my favorites because of the things i imagined them to be, rather than what they actually were or how they actually turned out.. i dont know how this happens..... but i wonder about what this means with my OWN comics, and how my perceptions of what they could be vrs what they are is like, this weird illusion that also exists only in my mind and no one else can see it. yet we are both looking at the same thing. and i want to know what others see and i never will get to??? ....stories are......... so fucking spooky!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! ok thats all. thx for reading