#just wait a few more weeks jfc

[strawberry-slushy]

i hate this fandom sometimes oml

for anyone who doesn't want to get spoiled, please stay off the owl house tag and filter out spoiler tags. also be careful on youtube.

[robobbin]

... I CAN EXPLAIN

*sets this gently in front of yall* some food for the Tou simps.

[babybluebex]

happy sad confused | joseph quinn blurb

this is a sequel to off menu that i wrote nearly two years ago to the day (wow time flies jfc i wrote that in my mom's hotel room as i was moving lmao), so if you haven't read that yet, pop on over to that link, it'll take like 3 minutes, it's very short :)

"Do you have strong food tastes?" Josh asked, and you rolled your eyes with a smile.

As opposed to the last podcast about food that Joe was on, you were present for the recording of this one. You remembered that day two years ago, right as everything was changing for you and your beau, when he had texted you asking if you listened to the Off Menu Podcast, and you had had to break James Acaster and Ed Gambles' hearts. Later, you had bumped into James at the BRIT Awards and were able to apologize for such a betrayal, and he had forgiven you, with the caveat that you did a shot with him (which you unfortunately had to decline, seeing as you were about 35 weeks into the standard pregnancy 40, and James accepted an alternate apology in the form of a hug).

Joe cast you a look from his place on the couch, a mortified smile playing at his lips. You knew he was thinking something like "Not this again", and you scoffed out a laugh. He was so funny sometimes that it made you sick, and you watched as Josh added, "Are you like, cilantro must be burned at the stake?"

Joe laughed. "Of all the herbs to bring up," he giggled. "Just, umm, a few weeks ago, my family was in Italy, all of us, my mum and stepdad and sister, the wife and boy, the whole lot, and, y'know, coriander is big over there— or cilantro, whatever you'd like to call it— and we were trying to convince our son, who's just turned a year old, to try something with coriander on it..." Joe paused, ruminating on the meal, and he looked at you, more distinctly and blatantly than before. "Babe? What were we trying to feed him when he wasn't havin' it?"

Your eyes widened, and you gulped as the entire room's attention shifted to you. Where your husband was a natural in front of people and cameras, it didn't come quite as painlessly to you. Especially since Anthony was born, you've been hyper-aware of the way people perceive you. You hoped, for your sake, that the focus was on your words and not you, and that people's eyes instead landed on the little tot standing with you. Little Anthony Quinn was holding both your hands, standing up but balanced on top of your feet, swinging and fidgeting about, waiting for Daddy to be done with work to come for a cuddle. "Just your garden-variety spaghetti," you said. "Not even with meat sauce or anything. The tomato sauce had cilantro, and he was not into it."

"Does he say it tastes like soap?" Josh asked. "'Cause that's some people's complaint."

"Well, he isn't really saying much of anything yet," Joe chuckled. "He's just one, remember. We've got 'Mama' in our arsenal, and 'juice', sometimes 'bankie' when he wants his blanket, but bankie can also mean his pacifier, so his 'binkie'— we haven't quite worked out the difference between bankie and binkie yet, but we're getting there."

"Regardless," Josh laughed. "Not a fan of the herb."

"He is the rest of the time," Joe said. "We do a roast every Sunday, and my wife taps me to do the chicken because she doesn't like handling meat, which I understand and, because I'm a good husband, I handle that for her so she can do the rest of the meal— but I put cilantro on the roast chicken and he eats it every week."

"No complaints?" Josh asked.

"None!" Joe exclaimed. "Eats it, eats the potatos, does the whole bit, and he always wants more! My kid doesn't like cilantro in spaghetti, but will eat a whole chicken by himself— make it make sense!"

"Well, with a baby around, I'm sure there's different food around than before," Josh asked. "My niece is into those, like, Gerber cheese snacks that are essentially Cheetos but not really—"

"Oh, we're familiar with the Lil' Crunchies," Joe nodded smoothly. "The mild cheddar flavor. What my son does is, he'll eat 'em by the fistful, yeah? And he decides to be nice and to share with us, which is very good of him, but he'll hand us a wet cheese puff that's half-disintegrated from the force of his little fist, and me and his mummy have gotta pretend like 'oh, yummy, thank you, Ant'."

“You brought up your girlfriend last time food was discussed,” Josh said, and Anthony stamped his little feet as he clearly wanted to run out to Daddy. “On the Off-Menu Podcast with James and Ed, who are just loads of fun. Is she still the same way, no mushrooms or anything?”

“Well, she’s my old lady now,” Joe chuckled. “We got married a few months after that podcast, just tired of not being married to each other yet, y’know? Plus, we found out that the boy was on his way, so it felt like as good a time as any. She's still picky, but there was a small time during her third trimester where she was eating everything in sight. For a few days there, she was doing popcorn with this, I don't know, novelty salt she bought at some shop in America? Anyway, it was pickle-flavored salt, and my girl... I love her, but pickle-salt popcorn... I have to draw a line somewhere."

"And that's the line," Josh chuckled. "Does she do pickles usually?"

"Um, yeah," Joe replied, and he bit his bottom lip as he smiled. "I guess I oughta get off my high horse, I don't like pickles. I'll eat 'em if they come on a sandwich or whatever, but I don't like it. But she'll take them off my hands and eat them for me; at the deli or whatever and I get one of those spears with my sandwich, and she's eating it for me before we're even out the door."

"Joseph Quinn, you hypocrite!" Josh exclaimed and Joe chortled. "Making fun of picky eaters but not eating pickles! For shame, sir!"

"It's my one flaw!" Joe cried. "Otherwise I'm perfect!"

You couldn't help your snort, and Joe turned to you in a flash. "Oh, do you have something to say, Mrs. Quinn?" he asked. "Something to add?"

"You thinking not eating pickles is your one flaw is very funny," you told him, smoothing your hand down Anthony's hair. "I could talk about the sock situation in our laundry room at the moment, or how your windowsill herb garden has spilled out onto our balcony, or how you always rile up the dog and Ant before bedtime, or—"

"Alright!" Joe whined playfully, and Anthony squealed out a laugh, recognizing Daddy's play-voice. "I get it! Stop the attack, woman, jeez."

"She's got a list," Josh smiled. "Are there any foods that are, like, special to you? Make you think of home or anything like that?"

"Um, yeah," Joe said thoughtfully. "Obviously a roast chicken. Umm, oddly, we have these little biscuits in the U.K., like it's a layer of sponge, then orange jam, then chocolate, but they're small, we have 'em with tea— they're called Jaffa cakes, and I don't have strong opinions on them, but my wife calls me Jaffa Cake when she's being sweet to me."

"Why Jaffa Cake?" Josh wheezed. "Are you just particularly sweet like one of those cookies?"

"Well, my initials," Joe began. "They're J.A.F, and one time a while ago, when we first started dating, we went out and she got very drunk. I ended up bringing her back to my flat because I didn't want her having to get an Uber alone back to her's, and she raided the pantry while I was showering, and she was eating out a packet of Jaffa cakes that my roommate had when I got back, and... I don't know, she was hammered and started laughing and calling me that, and she's never stopped."

You were glad he cut the story off there, because the detail Joe neglected to mention was that he had given you his bed to sleep in, and when you woke up the next morning, you had gotten ill in his bathroom. He had held your hair back and wiped your mouth with a washcloth when you were done, and he had kissed you for the very first time, even after you warned him that he probably didn't want to do that. While it was a very sweet story, you still burned with embarrassment at the memory of how drunk you had gotten that night.

"But yeah," Joe said. "Whenever I'm away from home and missing her, I track down a package of Jaffa cakes, and just even the smell of 'em make me think of my girl."

"Along with a roast chicken," Josh added, and Joe sputtered through his lips.

"Chicken and biscuits, the perfect way to think of my wife," Joe said. "You should come over next time you're in London. I'll roast you a chicken."

"That was... A lot of eye contact just then," Josh laughed. "I'm almost nervous now."

"Nah, don't be," Joe smiled. "I'll roast you a chicken, my son will show you his LEGO collection, we'll have a grand time."

[thejujvtsupost]

Heyo! Got a little sfw/fluff request about Geto and Gojo x reader (no established relationship) and maybe could end with the both of them confessing if it's alright 👉👈

Something in like Satoru and Suguru's school days and Gojo is always the popular one and Geto is kind of overlooked/compared with Gojo's beauty but the thing is Gojo doesn't like that people always shrug off his best friend then one day reader is in class with a few girls chitchatting and the boys pass by the class and overhear the conversation you were having and get curious (cause they know you through Shoko) and the girl group was talking about their favorite things in guys and most of them would say things they like about Gojo and when it was your turn to answer, you just said you really liked Geto's eyes when he smiles and kinda go on a rent about things your really like about Geto (actions, physical, personality, etc) and the rest is up to you :>

Thank you so much!!!

No Time Like the Present

Lmao not me releasing this before I fixed my formatting hahahaha 💀 Jfc. Anyway, sorry for the delay anon!

Notes: F!reader, College setting, reader and characters are 18-19, sort of unintentional confessions, eavesdropping, not unrequited love, reader is shy, Shoko & Gojo making bets, you’re both oblivious disasters.

“C’mon man, she’s been staring at you for weeks. No way she doesn’t like you.” The halls were empty while they roamed and wasted time. This conversation has been coming up more and more frequently. He never believed Gojo.

Geto knew his best friend was highly desired at their college - he didn’t blame anyone. But there were time (just this time, actually) when he wished he wasn’t in Gojo’s shadow.

Gojo didn’t get the vibe that you wanted him. Sure, you were friendly; even on the way to actual friends, but that was a totally different feeling. No, he didn’t need his technique to know your gaze was always on his best friend. Both of you were painfully obvious and absolutely oblivious to each other. As luck would have it though, Gojo knew where your class was and decided he’d create a little mischief - Wouldn’t it be a coincidence if you randomly bumped into each other?

Things were about to change for Geto.

Hearing your voice from your nearby classroom made him shoot Gojo an accusatory glare and felt his heart lurch. Gojo didn’t even bother with the look and dragged him to the wall to eavesdrop wait for you.

“This is weird, we’ll catch up with her later at Shoko’s-” he was cut of by Gojo obnoxiously shushing him.

“Shut up and listen!” He said with a whisper shout, his eyes were wide and he was gaining a bigger self satisfied grin by the second.

Fine. Whatever it’d take to make Gojo leave before you saw them.

You were sitting with two other girls, a blonde and a brunette.

“I think he’s dreamy! Those eyes, I wish he’d take his sunglasses off more often!" The blonde didn’t bother to hide her open admiration. Geto really didn’t want to hear you gushing over his best friend…

The brunette let out a sigh, “yeah he’s dreamy, but have you seen how hot he is? Those abs!”

Then they were looking at you expectantly for your contribution. “I think he’s nice… but I really like his friend more.”

“You mean Suguru Geto? He’s pretty hot too.”

“Yeah.” You felt your face flush. “It’s not that he’s hot, well he is. He’s so strong and tall and his smile is so- ugh that’s not the point!” Your friends started giggling at your expression.

“I think he’s also really kind and considerate… he’s been helping me with my homework, we’ve been studying together lately and he’s so smart! Funny too, the other day he said some lame joke about Gojo and I couldn’t stop laughing, I even snorted. It was so embarrassing! He knew it was lame and kept going though, my sides were hurting.”

That didn’t make sense to Geto, he thought your laugh was cute. “But he’s such a good listener too, he remembers the small stuff that I wouldn’t expect him to know. He knows how I like my coffee and we’ve only studied at a cafe twice.”

“Uh oh, someone’s got a crush!” They were teasing you, Geto couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. He wished they hadn’t stopped your rant, though.

Geto had his body smushed as close to the door as possible, your blush was adorable and a huge boost to his confidence. Gojo was snickering and texting Shoko, there was an ongoing bet between them about how long it’d take for you guys to get together.

“It’s not like that! I mean, he wouldn’t go for someone like me anyway. Every time I think about asking him out I remember he’s way out of my league and I’m just me…”

Geto felt his heart squeeze. Just you? He loves likes just you. If anything you’re the one out of his league!

Your class ended not ten seconds later before Geto could formulate a better plan, you smiled brightly when you noticed him next to Gojo. Thirty seconds just wasn’t enough time to prepare everything he wanted to say; all he knew was that if you were feeling shy, he was going to ask you out as soon as he could. Anything to make you happy.

Starting right now, since there was no time like the present…

Thinking about making a request? Check my bio to see if they’re open! <3

[emsuemsu]

Tag game

Thank you for the tag @mycupofrum 💕💕 it's always a beautiful day to talk about oneself and also as the curious girlie I am to read about other people!!!

Fave colour: black baby

Last song: according to my spotify history my last played song was on Thursday and it was Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton. That is the only song I listened to that day. It is a banger

Last film: we went to see First Omen a few weeks ago with my friend, absolutely shooketh from it, it was only us and a couple in the last row and they shushed us at one point. Never in my life have I felt more like a teenager in my LIFE. It was mortifying. I’m so embarrassed. We weren’t that loud though, just scared of the movie??? It was a good movie, enjoyed it, next Tuesday we’re going to see Immaculate, this spring is giving antichrist apparently

Currently reading: I have a few fics I’m in the middle of reading (one of them is A Violet Kind of Spin by @cassiaratheslytherpuff which I’m DYING to get back to!!!! jfc it’s so good!!!!! I feel so bad for taking such a long break from it but not a day goes by that I don’t think about it 🥹) and one book (Swimming in the Dark by Tomasz Jedrowski) but my reading vibes have been off for a good few months now!! I’ve read some shorter fics and listened to some podfics but reading in general feels super hard right now. I can’t wait for my summer vacation, maybe I’ll have some peace of mind and will be able to slam some words down. My tbr list is diabolical.

Currently watching: I’m going to be boring and say that I’m still on my Grey’s Anatomy grind. I’m on season 9 episode 10, 10 seasons to go. I’ve been watching s20 as it’s airing right now but it’s just not… it. This show should be taken off life support already 💔

Currently craving: a cigarette, uv index of 7, the beach and a crispy coke zero ���

Coffee or tea: coffee, I never drink tea

Three ships: Drarry, first and foremost 🙂‍↕️ drarry has caused my brain to rot for almost two decades now and god knows when it’ll stop. I’ve been on and off the fandom, mostly off, but drarry is just a part of my goddamn DNA at this point it’s ridiculous. Next idk man. I have to say it’s a duel between prongsfoot and jegulus, your honor I love them both. Jegulus is a new acquaintance and like I don’t even know if it makes any sense at all (like where did this ship came from???) but jfc I am sat, I am folded I am silenced. But prongsfoot is the love of my life out of these two, I know for a fact that one of the first fics I ever read at the ripe age of 10 or 11-ish was Sirius/James and ever since that they’ve been in my heart, in my soul and in my mind non-stop. Prongsfoot is such a niche ship and I can’t believe it’s not more popular!!! Like they’re soulmates honestly. Funny enough I haven’t read that much of prongsfoot fics, always up for recs 👀👀 I know that was three ships already but I have to mention Kingsley/Charlie and it’s all because of @squintclover and their recent little microfics that just SLAP so hard I’m bruised black. I’m beyond obsessed.

First ship: I mean it was drarry. The one and only.

Currently working on: getting my goddamn ass off the couch and start to clean and do laundry 🥹 I have a few school deadlines as well but that does not spark joy so whatever

Thank you for coming to my ted talk once again!!! I’m tagging @valoale @cassiaratheslytherpuff @lemonlimelea @soliblomst @kk1smet @lucifergraced no pressure spill the tea if feeling like it!! 😌

[gatesofivoryandhorn]

I never fucking post because my preferred status in life is "fond lurker" and I'm usually just here to collect things that make my brain happy. But sometimes, ADHD Brain being what it is, a thought goes rambling off on its own track and suddenly I'm in the grip of an idea that I love but haven't got the spoons or capacity to do anything about.

Saw a post mentioning that maybe Roy starts reading more children's books after A Wrinkle in Time and, because Jamie annoys him into talking about what he's reading, it ends up that Jamie really enjoys Howl's Moving Castle (which is easily one of my favorite books of all time). So then Brain starts to think about that one post I saw forever ago that mentions Howl was a rugby player, so he likely wouldn't be this willowy pretty boy like we get in the Ghibli film, but would more likely be pretty stacked. And frankly I'm here for a vaguely femme coded wizard who could absolutely bench press you and is dramatic af about his clothes and hair.

And then Brain said, "WAIT." So now all I can think about is a HMC au where Jamie is Howl, the heart-eating wizard who is actually a complete mess and also very loving once you get past the annoying showboating, and Roy is Sophie, the long-suffering eldest child who did what was expected and lost part of himself in the process but also hides behind a facade that is meant to put people off from seeing his vulnerabilities, and yeah maybe it's not quite a one-to-one, BUT IT WOULD BE FUCKING GREAT.

And jfc between this and the Medusa retelling that's been percolating in the back of my mind for a few weeks, I might actually have to try my hand at writing a thing. FUCK.

[tafferling]

The state of this Taff

It's a struggle, ya'all.

Just before my birthday at the end of November, I learned that my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Not a big surprise, that, considering I grew up in a household where the kitchen had a literal smoke cloud hanging in it 24/7, but. Still. Supposedly, she says, it's one of those that'll get knocked over by chemo looking at it funny, but there's another problem that's a lot more dire and immediately life-threatening: the cancer metastasized in her brain.

I spent the next few weeks scrambling to buy a car and get my dog vaccinated for rabies. See, I live in Sweden, and she lives in Austria. And I've got no one to look after my dog, meaning he's got to come with me. Therefore, car. Fast forward to the 22nd of December, and I finally start driving down.

Of course, I am going to see my mom! Yeah, she still tells me I gotta go get me a man cause I'm 40 and need to get me that husband to set me right and I am not ace, just broken and need to see myself fixed so a man'll have me yadda yadda (and the racism, let's not forget about the racism and the casual homophobia), but she's my mom, ya know?

She's had her brain surgery at that point already and was recently discharged. Everyone tells me she's doing great. She tells me she's doing great. It's just sweet that I'm coming down and so on and so forth.

Neat, right?

I even call her 10 minutes before I arrive, while taking a quick break to walk the dog near my aunt's and dad's grave. Ask her if she's got dinner for me, cause I haven't had any proper food for two days or if I should grab something on the way. She says she's got it all. Sweet.

ahahaha... WELL, I arrive there, and I find out that, no. She's not doing alright. Turns out everyone failed to mention to me that she has what basically amounts to short-term memory dementia, or whatever you like to call it. I arrive, and I find out that not only is the house barely liveable, but she's got no food (it's the 23rd, 5pm, and shops close at 6pm until the 27th), and she has no idea where anything is in the house or what she's done five minutes ago.

I dump all my shit (plus the dog) in the house and dive into the "last hour before shops close" fun (JFC, where did all those people come from) so we have stuff to eat. When I get home, it all settles in: Not only do I have a full-time job that I'll have to do while I am here (naturally), but (for the foreseeable future) I am also my mom's full-time caretaker from here on out.

She's forgotten her phone PIN since then (getting a new SIM card sent here next week). She was taking her meds wrong and missed two crucial ones. She has a radiology appointment next Tuesday and kept telling me she is being picked up by an ambulance, only for me to call her oncologist and find out that's not true, I've got to drive her (which isn't an issue, but if I hadn't called the guy to figure out her med sdsafkjasdfsa). So on. And so forth, with other highlights including her not knowing how to pay her bills, me getting screamed at cause of that, then her friend screaming at me, her fucking neighbour bringing her cigarettes and smoking in the kitchen with her (THE WOMAN HAS LUNG CANCER) and ---- :sounds of distant Taff wailing at the void:

I also got screamed at by total strangers three goddamn times already, and it's really bringing home why I left this country. Not saying everyone's an ass, but when you got grown men shouting at you for trivial shit like "waiting with your shopping cart to let a car out", "taking longer to put away your groceries cause you're fucking exhausted and can barely see straight anymore", and "going the wrong way in a shopping parking lot (NOT during rush hour, mind you, that was later on in the morning when the place was nearly empty) cause you missed the arrow and haven't been here in nearly 15 years" you just kinda-- *deflates*. Please. Stop shouting at me.

I wanna kick some rocks and mope.

Anyway. Yeah. It's rough, ya'all. And I don't usually like doing this, but this time, maybe I should: If you've ever liked any of my writing and you haven't, like, I dunno dropped a kudos or something, I'd appreciate any sort of encouragement or positivity in my life right now. Any little pick-me-up will do. 'cause I need to admit I am out of my depth, I am overwhelmed, and I have no idea what to do.

[fushiglow]

Me: 'aw no i shouldnt read a fic set in the music industry, it'll get me sad about abandoning my own dreams; nope nuhuh, apologies, moving on' -> fast forward a few weeks -> i see ur fic pop up every now n then on both ao3 n tmblr, tempting me to read it -> fast forward again, it's tday -> i end up caving in eventually when i see it on my dash again; checked out the first chapter while having lunch earlier. Got H o o k e d by ur narrative. And so i inhaled two more chaptrs a sec ago while commuting back home aaaaand lil old me proceeded to be WILDLY inspired by ch4 shenanigans and immediately i >Needed< to relisten to the Liszt performance, seeing it anew yet again, and then also dug up some soundtracks i made once upon a time when id been fooling around w the idea of expressing myself thru music -> fast forward again, im home now, n getting all giddy ab it, cheeks flushed n feeling alive, i tell u - im about to dust my piano n just smash at the keys for the till-now-abandoned fun of it, first time in forever. (It won't be good, but it'll be real, it'll be me.) I just. I feel the raw emotion in your fic and it made my heart pound while reading it. You >get it< jfc. (Also satosugu n others work So Well in ur story, so in character, u make it look so natural, as if jjk had always been ab music production and not a grimdark shounen). I only just finished the 4th chapter and im not caught up yet, but i couldnt have waited to tell u my thoughts so. There goes!! ((Also even months later im still deeply wounded by canon so i feel like im irrevocably dysregulated when it comes to engaging w satosugu haha, apologies if i come off strong. U just combined two passions of mine into one fic and im feeling So Fucking Grateful i wanna kiss u on the forehead and bless u for seven generations forward. Again - i havent yet finished what u've already dished out (bless ur soul for posting ur work holyhell) so ima come back when i have more unhinged thoughts as i read. Your writing is so On Point i can't contain myself (my heart is singing w joy because when i connect w the writing style i connect HARD. And lemme tell u, your style is both intense and light and professional and that's my fav combo, ima go n cry over my piano now bye. Until next time, ily sm) (also sorry about this longass ask, it was meant to be a oneliner but it got away from me bc.. Emotions, damn) -royce

Oh... Um...

Excuse me while I fucking cry over MY piano, what the actual fuck 😭 I think this is the biggest compliment I could possibly receive, you have NO FUCKING IDEA how happy it makes me to read that my fic inspired you to sit down at the piano again, holy shit???

cheeks flushed n feeling alive, i tell u - im about to dust my piano n just smash at the keys for the till-now-abandoned fun of it, first time in forever. (It won't be good, but it'll be real, it'll be me.)

I am sobbing and kicking my feet all at once at this image, I love you I love you I love you. Please tell me, how did it go?? Did you have fun? Did it feel good? God, I hope it did!!! 😭

I started writing this fic to heal some of my own hurt about leaving a career in music behind, so I'm writing this for people like you and me. You're my ideal reader and you couldn't POSSIBLY come off too strong. PLEASE come back with your unhinged thoughts, I will gladly scream with you about this — in fact, I'm desperate to do exactly that!

Royce, you're everything. Thank you so much for all your lovely words about my writing too, this soothes all of my doubts about deciding to post something so deeply self-indulgent all those months ago. This is for YOU 🫶

as if jjk had always been ab music production and not a grimdark shounen

Also, what do you mean? That's what it's about, isn't it? 👀

[staytinys]

My “Get to Know ATEEZ”

Requested by a new anon Atiny: Hellooo! I'm a new atiny and I was wondering if you could help me get to know the boys a bit, I mean if you could describe them in a few words, what you think about them. I'm also curious who are the trouble makers and who are the mom and dad of the group who keep them in check. Thank you! This is gonna be a some of my opinion since they asked me to describe them. If you disagree, please do so kindly.

This is not a recent picture, I just think it’s cute as fuck.

ATEEZ is an 8 member group that debuted on October 24th, 2018 under KQ Entertainment which is a pretty small company. From what I’ve seen, KQ has been amazing to the boys and I love them. I’ve been a fan since shortly before their debut. Like I literally found them a week before they debuted😂.

Debut songs: Pirate King and Treasure

So before they debuted, they were called KQ Fellaz. Currently, there is a KQ Fellaz 2 group and they’re amazing. Definitely check them out. They opened for ATEEZ this tour and I’m just amazed. Yes, I went to the concert this past month. Yes I went to the rescheduled one earlier this year too. I waited too long to see them.

Fandom name is ATINY: it’s ATEEZ and Destiny combined. Light stick is LIGHTINY. There are currently two versions, I have the second one.

Anyway, back to ATEEZ, here are some MUST SEE KQ Fellaz Content, I still go back and watch them:

Performance Video I

Performance Video II

Performance Video III

Yunho Solo Performance

KQ Fellaz - From (they performed it at their concert and I cried)

Any of the KQ Fellaz Episodes, here’s episode 1

Bonuses:

Demon line: Hongjoong, Seonghwa, San

Now onto each individual:

Captain (Leader if the group) Kim Hongjoong

Rapper and composer

November 7th, 1998

Dad of the group. I feel like 90% of the time he’s a single dad, 10% he has Seonghwa’s help.

One of the best leaders in kpop hands down.

He has an older brother.

He was the first to join KQ.

The laughs in the songs… yeah. That’s him

POSSESSIVE AS HELL OF ATINY. When I went to the concert back in January, he told us we weren’t allowed to listen to anyone but ATEEZ.

He’s my original bias. Please don’t tell him I strayed…

Please listen to this David Bowie cover

INFP-A (yes I’m looking this up bc it matters)

Visual and Vocalist, Park Seonghwa

Oldest member, April 3, 1998.

You honestly wouldn’t think he’s the oldest…

Has an older brother

Mother of the group. Has a love hate relationship with Hongjoong tbh… Not really, don’t send me hate. Jfc. They’re just old and married (I say as I am the same age…)

You will see him referred to as Mars (his name backwards is Hwaseong and it means mars), toothless, and angry bird.

If I remember correctly, it took him and Hongjoong a while to be as close as they are, but they have such a strong bond now.

Has been in a drama called Imitation… Just look it up.

FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT

HIGH NOTES, such amazing vocal dexterity. Bc he also has a deep voice

ENFJ-T

Performer and Vocalist, Jeong Yunho

March 23, 1999

Six foot, fucking one. Tallest member. Y’all king.

Deep. Fucking. Voice. God kill me.

Block B is one of my favorite groups and they covered Nillili Mambo… but here enjoy our deep voice kings (mingi, Yunho, Yeosang…)

His growl is combined with Mingis in pirate king…

He’s also in Imitation with Seonghwa. 👀 look it up…

A GOLDEN RETRIEVER I SWEAR

Energizer of the group

Has a younger brother

Also is a Harry Potter fan

Um enjoy this

ENFJ-A

Vocalist, visual, and performer, Kang Yeosang

June 15th, 1999

Former BigHit Trainee. Yes he’s friends with TXT.

Wooyoung is his best friend… more on this later. I swear there’s so much jealousy

Has a birthmark on the temple area. He’s so cute. Please look up those pics

An MC for music bank!

An absolute savage. No one can escape him. Please save ATEEZ.

I love him. He’s just… 10/10 would be my best friend. Just saying. If anyone in ateez, it’d be him.

Has a sister

Here’s a video showcasing his… yes.

ISFP-T

Performer and Vocalist, Choi San

July 10th, 1999

His name means mountain

Will make you think unholy thoughts 24/7

He’s a child…

Surprisingly introverted. Before their MBTI, I always thought he was an extrovert

Loves Wooyoung with his whole chest

Shiber. He loves his shiber. I’m pretty sure he has to sleep hugging something so there’s that thought for you

Was also in IMITATION with Yunho and Hwa

Trained in taekwondo. He’s a black belt if I’m not mistaken, I cant remember what degree though

His accent when he speaks English is so cute

HAS A CAT

INFP-T

Performer and Rapper, Song Mingi

August 9th, 1999

Princess Minki

He’s fucking six feet tall

Thighs for days but is insecure so his wardrobe is like 98% baggy pants or loose fitting. (Thiccc too. There’s a tiktok. I’ll find it) found it 😁

Thing 2

FIX ON

Growls with Yunho in the beginning of Pirate King

Pretty sure he and Yunho are platonic soulmates and this

(lowkey certain Yunho is borderline his sugar daddy😂)

Big clingy baby

ENTP-T

Performer and Vocalist, Jung Wooyoung

November 26, 1999

Thing 1… him and mingi together. Boom chaos

He and San are besties

But he and Yeosang… yes. This man legit followed Yeosang when he left BigHit So they could stay together. Just remember that.

Hongjoong’s number one problem child. I promise.

Everything about this man is just chefs kiss

He’s a social butterfly and friends with everyone I swear

He has two brothers!

ENFJ-T

MAIN VOCALIST, performer, fucking love of my life, Choi Jongho

October 12, 2000

I literally love him so much

Maknae

He was in IMITATION

Has a younger brother

STRONG BOY… literally used to break apples in half all the damn time

Can be quite the annoying little brother

Loves his hyungs though… so much

Look at him

I’m literally cryingggg

Be afraid

High notes vs the reactions

ISFP-T

[bringmefoxgloves]

i am now actually sitting down and listening to the downward spiral in full tonight (surprising i haven't) cause i'm in a music mood. so witness my live track by track filled with a lot of imagery. that's just how my mind works. okay here we go:

damn. mr. self destruct already has my entire attention and has me by the throat. the electric guitar breakdown at the end...... just jfc that song feels like my heart is a misshapen record with scratches and it's being played with an icepick.

piggy makes me feel like i'm in the middle of the summer and walking through one of those massive drainage pipes until about minute two. and then a summer storm rolls in and i'm about to drown. and listening to trent reznor inhale in the play out is doing something to me.

heresy HOLY SHIT feels like i'm driving at night in a car that has a conversation in the front that you really want to hear but the bass boosted speakers against your back are rattling your teeth in your head so hard you can't hear anything but your bones clicking. but then you're in a car crash. also the lyrics are so wes-core i feel like this is just my brain draining out of my ears after said car crash.

march of the pigs is like you're playing a mario or sonic level from hell in the middle of a berlin nightclub while on a mixture of drugs that will have you raving for weeks. i fucking love it. the switch that feels as sudden as a tapedeck clicking on the lyrics of 'now doesn't it make you feel better?' with the piano.... if there is a way to make audio moments physical so i could fit them inside my mouth and chew? yes, that is one i would like to have.

closer.... need I say more. this is one i have heard before (you would have to be dead to not have heard closer) but now that it's in the atmosphere of the entirety of the downward spiral, it's only better. yes i want you to fuck me like an animal mr reznor. this lava lamp type of electric sound & marriage of bass is a physical presence and it is perhaps fucking me.

that transition into ruiner WAS CLEAN!!! i feel like i'm in the middle of a mosh pit that is somehow in like. idk dracula's castle. that entire section (you know the one in this) is indeed a dick metaphor. and then when the tortured guitar that sounds like it’s about to snap every one of its strings played by a resurrected jimi hendrix that really hates you in particular comes in it just is. so much. hearing the wetness of reznor's mouth as he breathes in and out is.... i shan't say.

oh WOW that cut off from ruiner to the becoming had me pausing and going wait. that's insane. anyways the becoming. teheheh i beat my machine. ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. i'm in the middle of the nightclub featured in the collection (2012). and i'm absolutely jamming to the screams while reznor's voice is carrying me by puppet strings. the switchup after the line 'but it's all clear' feels like i'm now on the floor slowly bleeding out, and then i'm being torn apart by dogs. goddamn this noise inside my head, indeed.

i do not wait this, but yes, yes, i really do want this. please keep speaking directly into my head yes. the music is scratching an itch i didn’t know i had. the entire last minute of the lyrics is #mood. hearing trent pronouncing 'fuck' in that way makes you think about the meaning of the word.

ooooo funky noise and drumbeat that has me immediately bouncing my leg. yessss big man with a gun. this is pure machismo and makes a gun the tool of sex. (meme voice) oh wow.

a warm place. just. is me floating facedown in a saltwater pool filled with water from the dead sea. i feel so cradled and light. glorious. completely immersed in this instrumental like few instrumentals ever make me.

eraser at the beginning makes me think i'm driving through some godforsaken part of the american west and the radio is on and the people in the car are making funny noises over the radio static. then that drum kicks in and the bass layers like i'm about to enter a boss battle. it's a cobra with those cartoon eyes that are swirls and it wants me to kiss it. then it all snaps apart for trent to swoop in riding a hurricane screaming: kill me.

reptile, the start has me thinking i'm back in the backroom of an empty grocery store trying to sneak away from a killer. the sudden smash in at the one minute mark is me hitting the ground. dead. the rest of the song i feel like i'm overhearing sex between an angel and a devil while i'm tied like a dog on the floor at the end of the bed.

the title track!!! the downward spiral at the start of it has me feeling like a fly buzzing against a broken glass window after escaping a dish of honey, too drunk to find my way out from the gap directly in front of me. once trent's voice comes in, with those screams in the background.... i feel like he's leaning into my ear and confessing to this in a darken movie theater watching a goresplattering flick.

and goddamn. hurt. i had heard the johnny cash cover of this before i ever heard this one, and then i listened to the original shortly after and it's the only other song i've heard before (closer was the other). but once again, with it in context of this album..... it feels like a baptism in wine you're not quite sure isn't just blood that trent reznor poured out for you from his own wrists. just. goddamn. godamn. it sounds like he has salvation right in his trembling hands and is asking you to take its heavy burden from him, please, but instead it’s a knife he guts you like a fish with, and you still say thank you.

conclusion: if i had heard this album in middle or high school i would have become a very different person i think. i might have burned down the catholic church i grew up in. i might have had sex even. that's how powerful and solid and sensual this album is. it has its reputation for a reason, and i can't believe i hadn't heard this album in full before this. but i have now. also robin finck i need your gender NOW

[mlobsters]

supernatural s5e16 dark side of the moon (w. andrew dabb, daniel loflin)

not knockin' on heaven's door 😥 this song breaks my heart already from how they used it in this scene:

s2e13 houses of the holy

SAM I don't know, Dean, I just, uh ... I wanted to believe ... so badly, ah ... It's so damn hard to do this, what we do. You're all alone, you know? And ... there's so much evil out there in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up ... DEAN Yeah, well, don't worry about that. All right? I'm watching out for you. SAM Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else, watching too, you know? Some higher power. Some greater good. And that maybe ... DEAN Maybe what? SAM Maybe I could be saved.

there's a reason i've only read a couple post-series set in heaven fics. emotional damage.

like jabbing every emotional soft spot i have with a stick

DEAN It’s okay, Mom. Dad still loves you. I love you, too. I’ll never leave you.

MARY You are my little angel. How 'bout some pie? Okay.

DEAN What?

SAM I just never realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.

jfc dude. so sam's first memory is thanksgiving with some random girl's family, then his second is running away? guess we're poking dean's soft spots with a pointy stick too

DEAN Is this Flagstaff?

SAM Yeah. (He pets Bones.) Hey, boy.

DEAN This is a good memory for you?

SAM Yeah. I mean, I was on my own for two weeks. I lived on Funyuns and Mr. Pibb.

DEAN Wow.

SAM What?

DEAN Well, you don’t remember, do you? You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home…

SAM Dean, look, I’m sorry. I never thought about it like that.

i didn't think it was possible for an episode to make me cry as much as that djinn episode but hey they did it. good job. what the fuck

DEAN Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This? This is the night you ditched us for Stanford, isn’t it? This is your idea of heaven? Wow. This was one of the worst nights of my life.

okay so. is this a plot point, someone trying to drive a wedge between them or something. because this is fucking awful.

DEAN C’mon! Your heaven is somebody else’s Thanksgiving. Okay. It’s bailing on your family. What do you want me to say?

fucking AWFUL.

latest thing i read in fic first and thought there was no way it was canon. soulmates.

ASH Mm-hmm. Yeah. See you got Winchesterland. Ashland. A whole mess of everybody-else-lands. Put them all together: heaven. Right? At the center of it all? Is the Magic Kingdom. The Garden.

DEAN So everybody gets a little slice of paradise.

ASH Pretty much. A few people share—special cases. What not.

DEAN What do you mean ‘special’?

ASH Aw, you know. Like, uh, soulmates. Anyway. Most people can’t leave their own private Idaho’s.

i missed ash. he was a fun character and his actor did a great job bringing him to life

ASH This ain’t the first time here. I mean, you boys die more than anyone I’ve ever met.

DEAN Really.

ASH Ah, yeah… you don’t remember. God! Angels. Must’ve Windexed your brain.

i'd always wondered about that, all those times they died before, what happened before they were revived.

my pamela. glad to see her too. little wary of the soft sell on saying yes to michael though

DEAN So he’s just going to sit back and watch the world burn?

JOSHUA I know how important this was to you, Dean. I’m sorry.

DEAN Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I’m used to that. I’ll muddle through.

JOSHUA Except… you don’t know if you can, this time. You can’t kill the Devil, and you’re losing faith, in yourself, your brother, and now this?

a) whenever dean talks shit about dad i'm like DAMN STRAIGHT b) hopeless dean makes a self destructive dean, can we not again, please

great. cas is a hopeless mess too.

SAM We’ll find another way. We can still stop all this, Dean.

DEAN How?

SAM I don’t know, but we’ll find it. You and me, we’ll find it.

that was one thing i did look up in future seasons because i'd seen so much samulet fix-it fic. i always thought he tossed it in some random public trash, but this makes it even easier for sam to just pocket it.

Mama take this badge off of me I can't use it anymore It's getting dark, too dark to see I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door

Mama put my guns in the ground I can't shoot them anymore That long black cloud is comin' down I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door

[wikiangela]

911 lone star 4x02

spoilers ahead

aw I missed Grace so much 😍

loving Marjan getting a moment, I hope we'll see more of her this season, maybe she'll get an actual storyline 🤞

also, lmao this is so funny, why is this woman so difficult 😂 istg ls is a drama only sometimes, mostly it's a fucking comedy 😂

unpopular opinion but: I actually enjoyed Owen in s3, and I'm still enjoying him haha, tbh he was only really insufferable in s2, now I kinda like him, and his scenes are hilarious, and I'm kinda interested in his storyline this season 😂 (more interesting than tarlos that's for sure, and that's still so weird to even think lmao)

Grace and Tommy have the best friendship in this show 💯 lmao I love them

"just my wife" lmao okay that was funny - it's still not the best plot ngl, it's just so... low stakes, so low basically nonexistent - I already said that in a post before, but like, so what if they can't get married in a few weeks? 😂 like, this is just such a dumb reason jfc, we know they're gonna stay together, this is just drama for the sake of drama - I'm still gonna try to enjoy it tho, maybe they'll make it fun 💁🏻‍♀️😂

I was about to say this convo is annoying, but them recalling TK's accidents and the "how many comas have you been in" 😂 😂 lmao this is so funny

oh wow... she didn't sign the papers, who could've seen it coming..... just about everyone but okay 🙄 it's just such a boring storyline I'm sorry but like, it might've been a funny convo, but the overall plotline is just so boring, and making Iris just annoying tbh

OH MY GOD WHO CARES ABOUT THE VENUE 🙄🙄🙄 like, seriously, I can't express how boring I find this, they can literally find another place or wait a little longer

why is tarlos' storyline the most boring this season, please can this be over and can they get something more interesting?

Tommy being awkward with the pastor oh my god I love her so much, but someone shut her up pls 😂😂😂

okay, that leather jacket and hair kinda ruffled by the helmet - it's working for me, why is Rob Lowe so hot, I wasn't prepared to be (this) attracted to Owen this season 😭

thank god that was just Tommy's dream, because the dialogue was really making me cringe lol

I'm loving Tommy and Owen's friendship too 😂

I'm sorry, I guess I'm happy they're getting an annulment, and we're adding some drama now, but like.... I really don't fucking care, what is happening, tarlos were my fave part of this show and now I just wait for their scenes to be over, what have you done writers 🙄

okay, that tarlos scene was adorable and I love them - im still already over that whole marriage and Iris thing tho

oh, now Iris disappeared? okay, now it's getting interesting

that was a good episode, it flew by so fast tbh haha

loved Tommy and I'm lowkey here for the pastor storyline, but it seems to be going well, and we're only on episode 2, so I wonder what's gonna get fucked up

pls tell me Grace and Judd will get some story of their own because so far they're kinda to the side

same with Mateo, Marjan and Paul and Nancy - like, please give them something, they each had like an episode about them (aside from Nancy I think) and we're in s4, give them some longer storylines pls

(also, can we get begins episodes for them? that'd be so cool pls)

I kinda like Owen's story, it's interesting, and it's taking surprisingly little screen time for Owen 😂 (also, Rob Lowe has always been hot, but this season it's like, really standing out, almost as much as the beginning of s3 with the beard 🥵 wtf)

and finally, tarlos.... I was kinda over their whole story, but Iris disappearing makes it interesting tbh, so far it's been boring - hope it'll get even better!

so, tbh I liked this one more than 4x01 and I hope that now it'll get better and better haha

(tho was there literally like only one emergency this episode?)

[here4theheartbreak]

Look at all those pretty photocards!! Amazing~~! The bread ones are sooo cute! 🍞 I HOPE YOU CAN GET/TRADE FOR ALL THE ONES YOU WANT ✨💛 I don't collect photocards because I think it would drive me insane and it might become the start of my villain origin story. Although, I am contemplating buying the fan kit this year because of the tarot-type cards. It's crazy how the kit is £12 but the shipping is £30. Still, I might get it, we'll see.😩🤣

It's so tragic but so true! Someone being... or appearing to be... a decent celebrity is SO rare that it's both thrilling and baffling when you find someone that seems genuinely good. The bar is THAT low. It's lower than low. It's like we're measuring it from the other side of the planet. You've gotta go through the core of the earth and back out again to discover how low the bar actually is.

It honestly seems pretty easy not to use gendered language in songs? Especially in Korean songs? Because it doesn't seem that necessary linguistically? I mean, you don't even use she/he/they to describe your pets, it's always just 'the dog', or 'our cat', or their actual name. 🤷‍♀️

I also agree that using 'girl' in fan songs feels especially alienating. I was actually thinking about this at the Yongguk concert last week. My man was singing 'all my girls be smiling, all my girls be wilding' with his whole chest at the fans and I'm like 'but bro I can see at least three guys from here'. It felt like such a shame in a way? I know it wasn't his intention, but it feels exclusionary to me (and I'm saying that as a part of the 'target' audience). In the future, I hope more artists make their music gender neutral. 🧡✨

Plus, in love songs, let's be real, you can just use 'you' or avoid using pronouns altogether. It's not that hard? And it instantly makes your song a song for everyone?? And it makes it a song that your fans can sing thinking about anyone?? It makes so much sense. In fact, it actually makes MORE sense to do that.

That's the dream! That's the K-pop utopia. Honestly, I wish every fan, of every group, would be seen (and treated) as a fan first and foremost — regardless of their gender identity and/or their presentation. (And the same goes for things like age, race, appearance etc.) A fan is a fan. It SHOULD be that simple. Everyone who's buying albums, going to fansigns, waiting in line, showing up at shows, they're all there for the same reason, with the same heart, and the same passion. It seems so simple and so obvious to me that it's always jarring to realise, over and over again, that that's just NOT how it happens a lot (most?) of the time.

We've learnt the hard way! 😂 Vetting and investigating a group is basically ingrained in me at this point. It's future damage control. It's at-the-door vibe checking. I just don't want to actively support/invest in someone I wouldn't support in my actual life, I don't want to support someone who wouldn't support me, I don't want to support someone who I believe wouldn't stand up for a marginalised person, I don't want to support someone whose persona/personality I have to keep making excuses for. I'm not an idiot. I know they're all normal people. I know even the 'good' ones are almost certainly gonna make a few 'mistakes'. BUT some of these people... jfc.👀 And I don't mind listening to artists casually, and not caring about their 'brand', as it were, but if I'm investing in someone I want to feel confident(?) comfortable(?) at ease(?) in doing so.

THIS! Seeing someone for yourself tells you/shows you such a lot. Going off secondhand accounts is never ideal for building up an image of someone and/or their behaviour. Videos reveal a lot, especially when that person doesn't know the recording is going anywhere. Personally (secondhand account incoming), I knew Ateez were good since their hi touch back in the day because my mom loves ateez, and she went before me in the line, and I got to see exactly how they treated her, and how they spoke to her, and how they looked at her as she moved on to the next member. And they were not only super excited to see her but they were also VERY polite and took a little extra time to say hello. So, from then on, I was like, if nothing else, they have impeccable manners. So, let that be confirmed once and for all... 😂🌸

That's actually SO true. They could easily be more neutral in their support. They never had to do any of those things to that degree. They could definitely do less and still be seen as decent people. Very decent people, even. Honestly, you only engage in that way, that consistently, if you genuinely want to. (And I hope they do lose a few anti-lgbt fans every time they engage with the community. Byeeeee~!)

I forgot about the whole 'the group colour should be a rainbow' thing! 🌈🥺 I loved the thanxx styling so much! I would get a little rainbow coloured 'thanxx' tattoo in a heartbeat. What a great thing that was. All those tiny rainbows everywhere. We were so blessed!!

Ateez are not afraid to play boy/boy when they do those kinds of things. You never really know what you're gonna get! I love that they'll just do it. And that it's never the basis of a bad joke. They just enjoy it and have fun, and no one is thinking too hard about it. It just is.

Yeosang, our strong but tiny man. The members. The company staff. Most of the fans. We're all just out here waiting to do whatever Kang Yeosang wants us to do. Everyone's desperate to be of service. He tells us to jump... and we're all clamouring to find out how high.

THE NEW HAIR COLOURS!!! The return of blonde Yunho? Red-brown Jongho?? Red San??? Neon green Yeosang???? AMAZING. A M A Z I N G 💚

Also, I saw that clip of San complaining about how Atiny draw him again this morning and it really makes me laugh every time! The man is so serious and so offended... but it looks exactly like him when he smiles?? Good job Atiny. You're absolutely right. ✨🎨

Someday I will be able to answer an ask in a reasonable amount of time I stg.

Anyways. Oh I was very weak. And ended up with a whole new stack of Outlaws 🙈 - in my defense! I was ordering sth from a KR shop that I like for a couple of my friends and the albums are so much cheaper over there (like 14 usd for a regular version and like 10 usd for a platform) - it’s just the shipping that is high, and since I was already placing an order for folks, it didn’t actually raise the shipping all that much to add in a few >.> more albums… And I may or may not have broken down and gotten a lightstick. (Again - so much cheaper from KR, esp if you’re already placing a big order, it only bumps the shipping up a few dollars.) I also ended up getting a couple platforms; a few of the pcs in them (the album ones in particular) are so cute and I figured I’d grab a couple random ones and see what I got.

So here’s my new set of pulls >.> I’m delighted with the SanSang unit pcs - I was already eyeing buying them bc they’re so cute, the scream I let out when I pulled them.

And bc my friends all collect these other members I’ve been able to trade for a few more that I want >.> Including peeking Wooyoung 😭.

The platforms tho - cracked me up - random, ofc - but I got San for one pack, and was so delighted - I also pulled Wooyoung’s sticker in that pack lol. The second pack I pulled was Wooyoung and believe it or not… I pulled San’s sticker in his! 🤣Apparently can’t keep them apart even in random album inclusions lmao - Here’s those sets.

Honestly - I was looking at PC templates last night to see who/what all I wanted and I realized that if I was to collect all of these pcs I would 100% lose my mind, there’s like 60 per member per comeback what the fuck. So Instead I’ve made a list of the few that I find really really cute and want and will slowly gather them over the months.

I ended up lucking out in a major way last week and found someone selling a lot of about 25 albums, with all inclusions except pcs, for what amounted to under 6usd per album. They span from debut to Fever pt 3; there’s a number of duplicates but I don’t mind that so much, since it lets me pick and choose which version I want, and then I can easily resell the ones I don’t need, or gift them to my friends. It’s the entire Treasure series tho, which I have been trying to find for a decent price for weeks V_V

Even a couple of duplicates of some of them, I was so excited bc I know a couple folks in my friend group here that are looking for some of the ones that are duplicated so I can offload them pretty quick. So once that comes in, I think i’ll have all their KR releases (and I don’t collect JPN albums for any group but SHINee bc they simply don’t display as well in jewel cases 🤷🏻‍♂️ - and I collect for display and also bc I do genuinely like looking through the phonebooks more than once, so JPN releases usually are lacking that anyways unless you get the limited ones.

Anyways - I saw the fan kit! I love the tarot type set up, it’s so cute. I absolutely adore tarot cards and prophecy type cards and collect fun decks, so I knew I needed to have it, I ordered it last week - I’d been intending on getting the membership anyways. I’m so used to excessively high shipping bc I tend to order my stuff from KR when I can (it usually arrives way faster and the price over there plus shipping is about equal to the price from US based shops bc they raise the price of the item to cover their import fees anyways, so it makes sense to pay a couple bucks more and have the album a few days after release instead of saving money but waiting months for the US shop to get it in and ship it.

It is so so easy not to gender KR songs from what I’ve seen; and very obvious since most of the time when they gender it, they add in the english word instead like… Please don’t?

Honestly I would have gotten so uncomfortable hearing that tbh (Yongguk). My instant thought would’ve been like oh, he doesn’t want me here, I wonder if he sees me if he’ll be uncomfortable :/ I hope he doesn’t notice me standing here — which is literally the opposite reaction you want at a concert - afaik you want your idols to see you! (Except Rie at the OOO concert - could have done without him seeing me and my friend absolutely ugly crying over him but life goes on lol). But yeah no, especially since idols are aiming more for international appeal these days, they really should start considering that there are a lot of fans that don’t match the stereotypical KR fan, and they’re gonna fall flat in a lot of areas if they don’t broaden their appeal to a variety of people - ages, genders, etc.

Also yes - I don’t expect idols to be perfect. Tbh if a celeb has never had a misstep I might side eye them as hard as if they were horrible - bc nobody is perfect and if they’re that good at hiding everything, what are they hiding, you know? Like I want someone who’s a good person but a real person - not someone who’s a master manipulator either.

Awww - it’s so sweet that they were nice to your mom! Sometimes older fans get overlooked (or hated on in fandom itself) so it’s always super nice to see when they’re treated well. I mean, lbvs - who do the idols think are actually paying their bills? It’s not the 12-15 year old fans, for the most part - it’s those fans’ parents and the adult fans who set aside their own income for this 🤣

And yeah no - their support is very obvious and I think very genuine. Their willingness to work with queer folk too - that trans comedian the members do a show with sometimes (I can’t recall her name, but she’s hilarious and so brash. The way my heart soared when Wooyoung called her noona with zero hesitation). And then the few doing the collar with Pentatonix, who don’t hide their queer identity, etc. - I think those sorts of behaviors show a far more honest comfort and ease with people of different walks of life and communities and it’s just so nice to see. 😭

I think the thanxx rainbows are so adorable; I have one photo that I adore with San with the rainbow on his ear - it’s so cute V_V - I like that song a lot too, I think the meaning vibes well with queer folks too in a way. It’s unfortunate that the song has been soured with the CA issue, bc I feel like it get overlooked for that and the meaning is actually really good and the song is really well put together.

I desperately want an ateez tattoo; I have a perfect spot on my arm for it to link together my sleeve but I need to decide which design I want and which song bc there’s a good number I’ve got ideas for and only so much skin left lol. (Normally I get a tattoo for each concert I attend but I might get this one a bit early lol.)

Ah - I am of the minority here but I cannot take Yeo seriously with that hair 😂 the black stripes stripes made it so much worse - this kid walked straight out of an early 2000’s hot topic and definitely writes his aol messages with ‘rawr’ and has far too many x’s in his profile name. 14-16 year old me would have been absolutely enamored with him and think he’s the coolest guy ever. But I do absolutely love San’s hair. That shade of red is either a perfect match or a horrible nightmare on idols - and most of them fall to the nightmare side of things - he manages to pull it off so delightfully imo and I love it. I’m so late on this ask that Yunho has already changed his hair 😂 - I do really like the dark kinda grey-blue he’s got now too. Also Mingi! I love what he’s done with his hair! The cut really suits his face and I actually really dig the blonde and black look he’s got going on.

And omg that video - I found that super early on when I was getting into them and it made me love him so much. He takes zero shit from fans and has no problem calling them out on things - I love it so much and it made me so endeared to him… But now that I’ve watched more of their stuff… Sorry man, atiny is right, you do smile like that - it’s absolutely precious - but it’s also accurate. 🤣

[etherealising]

i’m so perplexed right now because i LOVED this chapter but i’m also going to HATE the consequences of this chapter sjsjsjsjsjsjsj. gonna have to revisit this domesticity when the storm that this is going to cause actually hits.

i’m writing chapter 6 and hinting at the consequences as we speak and I HATE IT 😐

oh god not the funeral…. i’m not brave enough for this - the show spared me but i should’ve known that you wouldn’t sksjsjsjs

i was not brave enough to give a more in depth look. i was sat here bawling my eyes out after every line i wrote about this damn funeral

this is such a soft moment in such a dark time and i’m living for the contrast.

we get more of these two cuties in the next chapter!

jfc it’s not even 10 AM and i’m bawling on the couch - that must be a new record.

the hurt do be hurting, the hurt stops for no one

the absolute most dangerous pipeline to follow but also inevitable for baby unfortunately

yeah…pretty much sends her into her whole downward spiral unfortunately

i feel so attacked rn - i think i need to be billing you for my therapy. this was everything i imagined i would feel from a funeral scene but also somehow so much more gut wrenching at the same time.

bestie writing this fic is my therapy, the hurt was very much felt while writing this one

damn. he didn’t even go? this is so on brand for him yet i also get why he wouldn’t want to go? but also hes simply never there for the people around him when they need him the most.

okay i thought this was canon but now idk. i remember in season 1 Fak mentioning that he sent flowers and Carm was all like ‘yeah idk, I didn’t go’ but now i can’t find that scene for the life of me : (

the way these traits so often run in the family…. carmy you need to look in the mirror before you’re even more sad and alone than you already are

nat just living her best life, but seriously carmy has a lot of working on himself

oh my god is it baby? it has to be baby

baby: surprise shawty

he is so ‘why so many word when few word do trick’ coded

no but you’re so right that’s literally his whole character

i know this is a serious moment of contemplation for baby but this just made me laugh so. hard. THIS is so on brand - man finds a product he likes and never strays again. *edit - OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE LAVENDER TOO WHY AM I CACKLING

you are the only person to clock this and i freaking love you for it!!! LIKE OF COURSE THIS WHORE IS USING PRODUCTS THAT REMIND HIM OF BABY HE’S THAT FAR GONE!

yeah it painfully didn’t go unnoticed - fuck youuuuuuuu(lovingly)

i do be recycling scenes 🤪

the way he can still have that domesticity if he just pulled his head out of his ass, smdh

like carmen please it is not that hard just be honest with yourself for once!

listen when she cut her hand i was so excited because ✨oooooh he’s gonna bandage her up✨ and the absolute sass is making it 1000x better. their banter gives me life lol

these two are actually so tired of each other its amazing they’re still in love

she just like me fr

same and i don’t like to be yelled at but i’d set that aversion aside so quickly for chef carmy

he is so stupid it pains me, ITS BEEN YEARS MY BOY!!! he is such a self saboteur

he’s just like nah i’m not sure what love is/how it feels, but i don’t think envisioning a romantic future with my bestie poo where she has my kids is love…not one bit

the way he’s so capable of being what she deserves but puts an expiration date on it anyways - i want to slap him into next week

siri play self sabotage by maggie lindemann (wait this might be chapter six’s title 🤭)

(okay but wait these losers are actually so maggie lindemann coded)

omg it’s a date

not the besties going on a date!

going to draft willie into my war against carmy being a fucking numbnut

willie is definitely on the front lines of this war

i need him to shut the fuck up because i’m about to go full whore

the way i almost folded writing these lines like carmy…stop it (this isn’t the last time we see that dress either 🫣)

AGHHHHHT THINGS ARE GETTING LUKEWARM!!!! it’s still so bittersweet tho bc i know he’s going to go back to being a grade a asshole once she leaves new york. for how many times he’s acted like he’s changed he’s really giving her trust issues

the trust issues are immaculate with these two

i can’t even blame baby because i know i would let this man emotionally destroy me a thousand times over

right, like girly knows this might be the only chance they get and she’s taking it. and so would i like please destroy me emotionally unavailable chef man

oh my god my brain is malfunctioning, i truly am in awe that this is your first time writing smut

i genuinely had no plans to add smut in this but then i was like…we all just wanna fuck carmen berzatto i’ll give the people what they want it also only seemed fair considering the emotional roller coaster this fic is

SAY IT AINT SO….. oh god the way my stomach dropped…

i really just need to give this girl a break…like it wasn’t bad enough i tried to kill her already?

SHUT UP THIS IS WHERE THE POLAROID SYD SAW CAME FROM?!!!!

i always have to give y’all the backstory to these Polaroids i’m obsessed with

miss ma’am you lied to me - things got more than lukewarm in this kitchen!!!! now they need to translate this energy into present day!!! god i’m breathing so heavy about this line alone.

i literally thought the smut was so tame, i apologize for being a chronic liar…it will definitely be translated into present day (distant futureish) and the spice will be spicin’. i promise these losers will get what they deserve with each other but first… ✨more angst ✨

interlude two | anyone who had a heart

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

pairing: carmy x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | carmen berzatto x his delusions | carmen berzatto x self-sabotage | fem!reader x weakness for short slutty men with blue eyes | fem!reader x slutty gold chains | fem!reader x BEING FUCKING WEAK FOR SMARMY CARMY |

summary: the devastion of mikey's passing pushes baby into the arms of the man she loves the most.

warning(s): death | grief | funeral | refusal to grieve | denial | kinda delusional behavior | unhealthy coping mechanisms | angst | fluff | longing | mutual pining | idiots in love | love drunk carmy | probably ooc!carmy | wise willie | zero accuracy regarding new york | baby letting men pump and dump her | SMUT | P IN V | UNPROTECTED SEX | SOFT!DOM READER | VANILLA SEX | EMOTIONAL TENDER SEX |

wc: 17.3k

edited to the best of my abilities. if things don't make sense i apologize!

March 1, 2022

The rain rhythmically bounced off the umbrella in Richie’s hand. Both of you huddled under the slightly too-small object, the majority of your bodies dry, but each of you felt your fair share of rain land squarely on you. The child in front of you, dry as a desert, her small stature an advantage.

All that could be heard was nature's tears singing against the various umbrellas and the voice of the priest that seemed to just drone on and on.

Donna’s cry’s had been relegated to silent sobs just moments ago, you watched as Nat put her own hurt and discomfort aside to assuage Donna’s nerves.

You had all but ignored the empty seat situated next to Natalie, not wanting to believe the truth of the situation. As you stared at the coffin resting several feet in front of you, you couldn’t help but wonder what the cold lifeless body lying inside looked like. You knew there was only so much that could be done to make a body with a hole in its head presentable, and that a closed-casket funeral was for the best.

It was selfish, but you wanted one last look at Mikey. Did he look peaceful? Was he finally freed from the vices that had for so long controlled him? You so hoped that wherever he was, wherever his soul found its spiritual comforts he was at peace.

A tug on the sleeve of your coat drew your attention. Looking down your eyes met Eva's, the little girl insisted on standing with you, her small toddler hand securely wrapped in your adult one. It felt a little odd to be standing here like this, a buffer between a family that was no more, while also serving as the memory of one family’s missing piece.

She raised her arms in a signal to be picked up. Funerals were no place for children to be, but what good was lying to them about the realities of life? You gently lifted her into your arms sitting her on your hip comfortably. Eva’s small head rested against yours playing with the pearls around your neck, the small girl could only understand so much of what was going on around her.

You felt Tiff step closer to you, arm wrapping around your waist so she leaned into Eva’s back. The comfort of the small family surrounding you keeps you grounded to the moment in front of you, not allowing your mind to think of the pain Mikey must’ve been in, or the voicemail that had gone unchecked for the past week.

Funerals were a funny thing for you, the last one you attended was your mom’s. And it wasn’t a competition, but her death was easier. That’s the thing with terminal illness; death is inevitable. You would never be prepared for any death in your life, but it was a bit easier knowing your mom didn’t have a fighting chance. Her decision to leave this realm behind was harder, but knowing her passing was painless and of her own volition helped.

But Mikey’s death was different. It was sudden, unexpected, and messy and it wasn’t the death Michael deserved. But what made it all the worse for you is that he was utterly and terribly alone.

And it wasn’t like anyone wasn’t privy to his substance abuse, but none of you knew the depths to which it ate away at him, how it slowly killed him and he kept pushing on for the sake of others.

Maybe you should’ve asked him more about how he was doing when you interviewed him. Maybe you shouldn’t have sent him a portion of your article. Standing at the cemetery as the funeral continued, even with little Eva cuddling into you and Tiff and Richie surrounding you; you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you could’ve done to save Mikey from himself.

Eva was asleep against your chest as you made your way to the fresh grave, Tiff in front of you and Richie closely behind doing his best to cover your small group with the umbrella. The rain hadn’t let up as you raised your dirt-filled hand over the pristine casket, this didn’t feel right at all. You had yet to cry since Sugar called you days ago with the news, it felt as though you were numb to the truth. Maybe it was your mind's way of protecting you.

But as long as the casket remained closed, and you never got one last peek at the man who had taught you that you deserved more than what you settled for. You could pretend for just a little longer that none of this was real.

Releasing your grip on the dirt you watched as it splashed across the top of the casket mixing with the droplets of rain. You hesitated for a minute turning your back on this casket felt too final, like leaving this cemetery would be closing a door in your life you were desperate to keep open.

Richie’s free hand came up to your shoulder, a soft squeeze pressed into your jacket. You looked back at him the same hurt and pain you were feeling reflected on his face. He gave you a small nod as a way to let you know that it was okay to walk away, that he understood the hurt you were feeling.

As Tiff walked off to her car, you held Eva in one hand and allowed Richie to grip your other. The warm grasp of his hand gave you the strength to turn your back and walk away from a man whose love, charisma, and smile you would never be blessed to see or experience again.

March 12, 2022

Carmy sat on his lawn chair watching the rain splash against the window that led to his balcony, the funeral program rested lazily on his lap held in place by his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He didn’t realize it but this had been his routine since he learned of his brother's passing.

He would come home not even bothering to change out of his work clothes and plop down in the creaky lawn chair, usually on his balcony but recently the weather hadn’t been calm enough for that.

Light up a cigarette and just bask in his despair.

The only difference had been the program he received in the mail a week ago. The newly acquired folded paper joined his after-work routine for the day after being left on the island in his kitchen since receiving it. 

Carmy wasn’t sure if he was angry at Mikey for choosing death, or if he was more hurt by what they would never again be able to experience with each other. He felt like once again Mikey had left him behind, not thinking about the ways his actions would affect those around him, affect the people who loved him.

The decision to skip the funeral wasn’t as hard as most would have thought. What good would Carmy have to offer by being there, it's not like anyone needed him. And anyway, he couldn’t just drop everything happening here in New York for a day, life didn’t work that way for him. 

Carmy knew he didn’t hate Mikey, he just didn’t understand his choices recently. Didn’t necessarily understand how much the prescriptions had fucked with his mind. And maybe in a selfish way, he wasn’t ready to understand, to forgive Mikey for leaving him so soon. Nothing to even show for the loss of the person who inspired him most besides the funeral program as an ugly reminder of what he could never be again.

A soft knock rang through the quiet apartment, the man inside happy to ignore it, sure it was just one of his neighbors doing whatever weird shit they usually did. He removed a cigarette from his pack standing up and setting the program in the chair before grabbing his lighter and moving to open the window.

He heard it again, this time a bit louder and more urgent sounding. Carmy removed his phone from his pocket, the generic lock screen shining up at him with the time reading 2:30 am.

No one had ever shown up at his apartment this late, not even the woman across the way who periodically tried to charm Carmy all kinds of inconvenient times of the night. The knocking finally stopped as muffled voices carried through the hallway outside his door.

Carmy wouldn’t consider himself a nosy neighbor but he did find himself a bit curious who was knocking at his door at such an hour it alerted another tenant. Cigarette sitting between his lips he made his way to the door, ear leaned against it as he tried to catch bits and pieces of the conversation happening out there.

Having no such luck he resorted to checking the peephole to find his neighbor outside her door talking with a woman who appeared to be soaked to the bone. Carmy watched for a moment, he couldn’t place it but something about the unknown woman looked familiar to him. He continued watching his neighbor motioning for the woman to wait outside for a moment while she grabbed something from her apartment.

Carmy was ready to return to his initial smoke break but found himself stopping as the woman faced his door. Heart stopping as he took in features he would remember for a lifetime. He quickly moved to unlock his door, throwing it open only to surprise the ghost of a woman standing in his hallway.

You ceased your knocking as you heard a door opening behind you, turning to face a woman who appeared to be around the same age as you. From her appearance, it didn’t seem like you had woken her up so you were grateful for that fact.

“You’re making a mess in the hallway,” her eyes traveled over your form. Your figure sopping wet from the downpour you just escaped from.

A tired sigh left your lips, “Um, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know the guy who lives here?” Your hand motioned to the door that was at your back that you had just been knocking on. 

“You a friend or something?” The skepticism in the woman’s voice irked you, it was a yes or no question there was no need for her to give you the third degree.

You nodded trying to keep your cool. You were tired, dripping wet, and you weren’t even sure if Carmy was home. “Yeah, something like that.”

She gave you another once over before shaking her head back and forth, “No I don’t, sorry.” She began to close her door before you called out to her one last time.

“Wait sorry, is there any way I could use your phone, mine is dead,” you presented your phone as evidence, you didn’t want to be in this woman’s presence any more than she wanted to put up with you, but you needed to at least call a cab.

The subtle roll of her eyes caused the grip on your phone to tighten, luckily though the woman gave you a gesture to wait there before returning to her apartment.

You let out a sigh of relief, head dropping as your thoughts raced. You had no idea what the hell was going through your mind when you booked the last-minute flight. Having found Carmen’s address written on a forgotten piece of paper lying in the kitchen of the Berzatto family home.

The excuse to Sugar was that you had to meet with a potential interviewee for an upcoming article and couldn’t reschedule. You had already been in Chicago for longer than you originally planned, so what was one impromptu plane ride to the east coast?

There was no sign that the woman you bothered was coming back anytime soon so you decided to cut your losses, you would find a pay phone or something to use. You turned around sending one last look at Carmy’s door, the feeling that this was all for nothing setting in.

You went to pick up your bag from the ground when the sounds of a door unlocking caught your attention, raising back up to your full height as you watched the door you were initially knocking on harshly swing open.

Separated by a threshold Carmen Berzatto stood in front of you clad in his disheveled chef whites looking just as exhausted as you felt. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry if this trip did end up paying off, but after five years without him, five years of hurting and hoping you could no longer hold back all the emotions the man evoked within you.

Your trembling lips raised into a pathetic smile as your eyes took all of him in, “Hi Carmy.”

The water dripped off of you as you awkwardly stood in the entryway to Carmy’s apartment. You watched him rush around to tidy up his apartment, he hadn’t said a word to you yet just opened his door wider with the expectation that you would enter.

“Carm,” your trembling voice doing nothing to stop the scrambling of the man in front of you.

“Carmen.” The name left your lips a little louder this time, finally gaining the man’s attention, his entire being turning in your direction but eyes never meeting yours. “Uh, could I maybe take a shower?”

Carmy’s head nodded rapidly, staying glued to his spot for a moment before he signaled for you to follow him. As you walked through the apartment to his bedroom you couldn’t help but take in just how Carmy-like the living space was.

Lacking personal touch and like he was ready to flee at a moment's notice; the only commitment the man could make was being a chef apparently.

You stopped in front of the bathroom looking around his room before finally focusing on him. “I, do you think I could borrow some clothes?”

Again Carmy nodded the man acting as though his voice box wasn’t working. You watched him move around his room wondering if he’d ever award you any form of attention or verbal acknowledgment. He stopped for a minute eyes finally finding yours, “Go ahead and get cleaned up, I’ll leave these on the bed.”

Your eyes found the contents in his hand before it was your turn to nod and head into the bathroom. You started the shower searching for a towel and washcloth as you waited for the water to heat up. This whole trip could very well be a mistake, but there was no going back now, you were here, and you had already used your miles. 

Slipping out of your wet clothes felt like a struggle, the heavy fabric clinging to you like a second skin. You quickly stepped into the shower, not wanting any of the water to go to waste. The steaming water helped to relax you, all your worries about your visit being set aside as you basked in the warmth radiating around you.

After standing under the shower head and allowing the water to caress your skin, you reached for the products Carmy had lined up in his shower. The shower gel is the same brand you used all those years ago on Christmas. Looking at the bottle in your hands you couldn’t help but think of all the ways in which Carmy wronged you, why you had allowed him to constantly hurt you, a fact you still couldn’t figure out.

And you couldn’t stand here in his shower glaring at a bottle the whole time you were here either. You took your time lathering your body allowing the calming aroma of lavender to invade your senses. Finishing you returned everything to its proper spot before rinsing your body and shutting the shower off.

Stepping out you wrapped the large fluffy towel around your body not chancing a glance at your reflection as you exited the bathroom. The door to the bedroom was closed and the clothes you saw in Carmy’s hands earlier sat in a neat pile on the bed. You perused the selection of a clean pair of boxer shorts, one of his many crew necks and a pair of socks were laid out for you.

The deja vu the last few sequences of events had given you hadn’t gone unnoticed. 

You would have to forgo a bra but you’d been in much more uncomfortable positions with Carmy than this. Dressing you made your way to the door, stopping for a moment to allow yourself a deep breath, you couldn’t be sure what you would be walking into. Along with the fact that you were in a city you had never been in and your return flight wasn’t for two more days, Carmy was your only option. 

The warmth in the apartment slapped you in the face as you left Carmy’s room, the heater had been turned on. You followed the trail you had first taken finding your way to the living room that doubled as a kitchen.

“Sit,” you were almost ready to argue with Carmy’s demanding tone, but the food situated on the island counter stopped you.

You made your way to the lone stool taking a seat, trying not to marvel at the food in front of you. Carmy’s water bill would be high for the month, you had apparently been in the shower long enough for a dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup to be made. Carmy still hard at work making something on the stovetop sans his chef jacket.

Eyeing the food in front of you, you couldn’t help the way your mouth watered. You greedily picked up a slice of the grilled cheese and dipped it into the hearty soup, The sigh of appreciation not going unnoticed by the chef a few feet away from you, a small smirk gracing his lips at the quiet sound you let out.

“Good?” The question caught you off guard, mouth still full, swallowing the bite in your mouth you set the rest of the sandwich down, eyes zeroing in on Carmy’s biceps that were put on full display by his form-fitting white shirt. 

“I’ve had better.” Carmy caught your shrug as he placed a steaming mug next to the rest of your food, doing his best not to outright smile at your stubborn attitude. He moved to lean his back against the sink, arms crossed over his chest as he studied you.

“Fuck Carmy,” the sigh left your lips reluctantly. “It’s actually fucking great.” So enthralled with the food set in front of you, you missed the pink blush that dusted across Carmy’s cheeks. The heat in the apartment almost felt like too much as the lewd words left your lips.

“Ahem, I uh, I’m gonna get cleaned up. Make yourself comfortable,” Carmy watched as you waved him off, the food you were eating stealing all of your attention.

Carmy watched you for a moment longer, still shocked that your physical presence was here in his apartment. He wasn’t sure what prompted this visit, or if he even deserved your attention after all the immature shit he had pulled. But he was thankful to see you doing well, to see you looking as though you belonged with him in his bland apartment the clothes comfortably sitting on your body providing him with a feeling of domesticity he was one day hoping to have with you.

The mug of hot chocolate in your hands helped to send warmth through your body. You were still sitting at the stool not sure what to do as Carmy freshened himself up. Now that you weren’t shivering cold and rushing through the apartment you could finally take in the less than cozy abode. 

It wasn’t much but you were sure it was enough for Carmy, taking a few sips of your drink you began ambling around the apartment, mug still gripped in your hands, a tether to reality. The living room wasn’t messy but more so what you would describe as Carmy’s version of organized clutter.

A small couch and television helped to offer a homey feeling. The out-of-place lawn chair caught your eye, and the corner of your lips quirked up at how fucking Carmy it was. You made your way to the window it was sitting in front of, the New York skyline at this time of the day still a sight to see. The rain gliding down the window felt like it matched the steady pace of your heartbeat.

Turning to the lawn chair the contents in the seat grabbed your attention. Leaning over you picked up the unassuming paper, a jolt of sadness rushing through you as you read over the program. The funeral a week ago is still stuck in the back of your mind, the closed sleek black casket haunting your eyelids every night.

You quickly replaced the program in its original spot. You had come here intending to confront Carmy about his absence, but the more you stood in his apartment, the more you realized you weren’t actually ready to hear Carmy’s truth.

48 hours was all you had here, if you decided to use it as an escape, so be it. You would have to return to the reality that Mikey was dead sooner than later. You were allowed to let yourself use the time spent here as an escape from reality. You could use your time here to reprimand Carmy for his life decisions, or you could use the borrowed time to relish in finally seeing him after five years and try to figure out the back and forth the two of you have been participating in for a majority of your lives.

Mikey would understand, he wanted you to be happy, so it was okay to pretend for a little while that he’d be waiting there in Chicago when you got back right?

You made your way back to the kitchenette needing a distraction from the very thoughts you were running away from. You finished off your hot cocoa before grabbing your remaining dishes and heading to the sink. Washing dishes was the first distraction you could think of. 

As you made your way to the sink the sound of a door opening and feet padding across the floor could be heard. Quickly turning on the faucet you reached for the dish rag sitting in the sink, a sharp gasp escaping your lips at the pain that shot through the base of your palm, the running water easily turning a translucent pink color.

Snatching your hand back you spotted the blade of a knife that was covered in drops of your blood and haphazardly hidden under the dish rag. Your good hand reached to move the dish rag and grab the offending object. 

Finally getting a good grip on the knife, you were shocked at the familiarity of it, the personal initials carved into the handle proving your theory. The last time you laid eyes on these they were neatly tucked away into a luxurious gift box that Carmy discarded just as easily as he discarded you the morning after Christmas. 

And you thought they had been left in the same spot all these years, collecting dust in his childhood bedroom. But as you held a knife from the set in your hand, and your eyes moved to the remaining set delicately placed on the counter not too far away, you realized that to be nowhere near the truth. 

“Yo, what the fuck Baby,” your attention turned to Carmy’s voice behind you his figure clad in a pair of sweats and a white tank top. That stupid fucking gold chain that you had dreamed of taking between your teeth one too many times glistened against the firmness of his chest.

The delicate grip on your injured hand tore your eyes from the sinful chain. Carmy’s eyes raised your hand to his face examining the seriousness of the wound, “What happened?” 

“Cut myself,” you raised the knife in your hand to show him, watching as his eye darted between you and the tool he took so much pride in owning.

“What the fuck did you do that for?” Carmen Berzatto’s attitude would never cease to surprise you.

You scoffed quickly snatching your hand from his grip, and walking to grab the dish towel hanging from his oven, “I didn’t do it on purpose you fucking idiot.” 

Carmy began rummaging around in his cabinets his search not continuing for too long before he made his way over to you, first aid kit in his grasp. You were honestly surprised he owned one sure he’d rather bask in his pain than take care of himself.

Your good hand shot out aiming to grab the first aid kit from his hands. The slight slap to your hand caused your mouth to drop open, who the hell did he think he was?

“Give me the kit Carmen.” You watched as his eyes met yours, the once blank expression on his face morphing into a frown. 

“Don’t say my name like that,” you rolled your eyes before reaching out once again, only to receive the same result. “Just let me help you. Why are you being so fucking stubborn!”

You raised your eyebrows not expecting Carmy to yell at you. Your hand reluctantly came up between the two of you so he could bandage it up. It was official that you were weak for this man, the demanding tone in his voice shooting straight through you. 

The two of you sat in silence as Carmy cleaned the cut, the consensus was that you didn’t need stitches so the ointment and bandages Carmy had would do. You watched as he worked, hands delicately mending your wound he was so focused on.

When he finished you lowered your hand watching as he cleaned up before you made your exit to the living room, sitting on one side of the couch. Your back was to the kitchen as Carmy finished tidying up, the only sign he followed you out was him walking around the couch in your peripheral.

He joined you on the couch choosing the safe option and sitting directly across from you, the space speaks volumes. You brought your legs up to your chest, if this was a month ago you probably would have let all your hurt and anger guide you in this moment. 

But as life taught you, the universe was eager to snatch away people you thought you had forever with. 

It was silent for a little longer, the both of you avoiding eye contact. You finally turned to face him wanting to understand the choices he made regarding the situation between you two.

“Carmy?” You rested your chin atop your knees as he finally provided you with his full attention, “Did I do something wrong?”

His eyebrows raised, whether, from shock or surprise, you couldn’t be sure. You watched as his eyes darted across the room like he was looking for an anchor. You weren’t too sure who adult Carmy was, because the boy you used to know easily held conversations with you, even the tough ones. 

“I just…I want to understand you, Carmy. And I want to know why I’m not good enough for you,” as soon as those words left your lips it was like you were looking at 18-year-old Carmy again. “I thou-we seemed to be in a good place after Christmas dinner, but then I woke up alone and…and it felt like we were back at square one like you ghosted me all over again.”

You were staring directly into Carmy’s eyes, it was hard but it needed to be done. You needed him to see, to understand how much his actions continued hurting you. 

His hand raised in a gesture you had seen too many times to count, fingers running through his hair. If he didn’t want to have this conversation you couldn’t force him to, but you also wouldn’t keep allowing him to run in and out of your life when it was convenient for him. The two of you were friends once, and you weren’t going to allow him to continue exploiting the love you had for him.

Your arms wrapped around your propped-up legs, a security blanket for the words you were about to force out. “You can be honest with me, Carmy. If you told me you wanted nothing to do with me I’d be on the next flight out of here.” You waited for anything, a sigh, words, but all you got was his steel blue eyes staring you down in the space across from you. 

A sardonic chuckle escaped your lips as you quickly wiped the tears racing down your cheeks. Head falling back to stare at the ceiling as a way to not allow Carmy to see your tears, before calming yourself down enough to meet his gaze head-on.

“I can’t be the only one that wants more for us Carmy.” You could see the light reflecting off the glazed film in his eyes. “And I don’t think I am. But you’re inconsistent with your feelings, and I know it’s wrong of me to spring this on you considering the circumstances…but I just need honesty Carmy, that’s all.”

You said your peace, but you weren’t sure what else you could say to try to make him understand and maybe that was the problem, maybe he didn’t want to understand. You leaned into the couch cushion for comfort. The distance stretching between you was nowhere near as hurtful as the silence.

The fatigue from your flight was beginning to set in, you rushed everything to make it here that you hadn’t realized how much of a toll it took on you. 

Carmy watched you from his side of the couch, arms crossed against his chest. There was so much he wanted to say to you but didn’t know how. He knew you deserved the truth, but it had never before been asked of him in this context. He was scared of the fact that he wanted more with you; it  frightened him.

The idea he had of the two of you in his head was intoxicating and unnerving all at once. He could admit to himself that he dreamed of a life with you, and found himself lost in thought too many times to count about what it would be like to come home after a long shift to you there waiting for him.

Carmen was intoxicated by the idea of spending the rest of his life with you, a continuous beacon in your life that surpassed the title of friend and edged into something more. But he was unnerved as well because he wasn’t sure if this was love or infatuation.

Loving you unnerved Carmy, firstly because he wasn’t sure how he would know he was in love with you or not. And secondly, he didn’t know how to love you and wasn’t sure if he was capable of it. If there was one thing Carmy knew it was that you were deserving of a life-altering love, a love that transcended lifetimes if possible.

But he was almost positive he couldn’t be that person for you, he wasn’t deserving of you.

“I uh, I tried calling you,” Carmy stopped to collect himself, he wanted to talk to you, to let you understand him like you once did. “You changed your number. And that’s not an excuse. I understood why. I just…I guess I took it as a sign that there was nothing left for us.”

His eyes met yours searching for any sort of reaction, any form of acknowledgment. Your puffy eyes and tear-stained face stared back at him, his heart clenching in his chest at the emotional distress he constantly put you through.

“I um,” a placating smile raised to Carmy’s lips as he fumbled with his fingers as a distraction. “I can’t-Baby I-we both know I can’t give you what you deserve.” Carmy did his best to play off the watery undertone in his voice, eyes quickly darting up to yours as he heard your sniffles.

Carmy watched as your head rapidly nodded up and down, a sad knowing smile stretching across your lips. The tightness in his chest increased tenfold, his hand coming up to press into the middle of his chest, hoping to alleviate the pain. 

“I um, I think I would like to go to sleep if that’s okay?” You raised your head to look at Carmy, you told him you would accept his rejection, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to hurt. 

Carmy nodded getting up and walking towards you, holding his hand out to help you up. You allowed him to grasp your soft hand in his firm calloused one, head down as he led you to his bedroom. He motioned for you to sit down on his bed as he escaped into the bathroom, coming back a moment later with tissues in his hand.

You avoided his eyes as he bent down on his knees in front of you, gently using the collected tissue to dab at your puffy face. You couldn’t help the sorrowful laugh that escaped your lips, the scene reminded you of when the two of you were growing up and Carmy would always help clean your face after a good cry.

A tight smile formed on his lips as his eyes met yours, the two of you probably thinking of the same memories. He finished drying your face before returning to the bathroom to throw away the tissues. Carmy helped you up from the bed to pull down his comforter before allowing you to get in.

He watched as you scooted over to make room for him awaiting his entrance, “Uh lemme just tidy up out there.” Both of you knew it was an excuse but neither were brave enough to admit it. 

Carmy quickly left the room heading straight for the small duffle you had brought with you. He was sure the rain had soaked through your bag and wet your belongings. Making his way to the closet where his washer and dryer were located he easily fit your clothes into the wash, not wanting you to be stuck in his clothes for however long you were there.

He found your laptop bag in there as well, quickly removing it from its confines and drying it with a clean kitchen towel. Placing the laptop on his counter he made his way around the kitchenette to clean up the mess your blood made and finish off the dishes you hadn’t been able to wash. All of this was a distraction to the warm body he knew was waiting up for him in bed, he felt the urge to prolong the inevitable but realized he might never get this chance again.

Carmy quickly finished his clean of the front room, it wasn’t up to his usual standards but he could no longer deny himself the thing he wanted most in that moment; to wrap you up in his arms and hope he’d never have to let go.

Making sure all appliances were off and starting the washer, he quickly made his way back into his bedroom, closing the door as quietly as he could. He stood in the middle of the room for a minute, the figure peacefully lying in his bed not something he was used to. Carmy quietly crept over to the empty side of the bed lifting the covers and allowing himself to slide in.

Carmy knew you weren’t asleep and any other time he might’ve felt embarrassed to be so eager to be near you, but something about being in your presence felt right. Carmy made sure to scoot close to you, arm moving to wrap around your midsection and bring you closer to him, the need to feel your body pressed against his barely being satisfied.

His face found its way to the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath, the lavender scent he loved so much dancing across his senses. The sigh you let out into the night was a sign that you both wanted this just as much.

Carmy moved his head up a few inches, lips brushing against the ‘B’ hidden behind your ear. There wasn’t a day he didn’t think about the hidden ink stain or the words you said to him when he first found it.

Pressing one more soft kiss against the inkblot Carmy felt as you relaxed into him. Your warm body in his arms once more provided a feeling of bliss he wasn’t aware he needed.

You both knew the position you were in and the soft caress of Carmy’s lips against your skin, was a direct contradiction of the claims he made earlier. But neither of you would be the voice of reason in these 48 hours you had together.

Whatever happened between the two of you during this time would be welcomed with open arms. You and Carmy were on borrowed time, there would be time for regrets later, but as Carmy held you in his arms he decided that he would try to give you pieces of himself that no one had ever seen; even if it would all end in hours. 

“Sweet dreams Baby.” 

Carmy looked most at peace while sleeping, the stress and exhaustion seemed to have melted off of him as his mind transported him to the land of dreams.

You had been awake for some time now, Carmy’s presence helpful enough to allow you a few peaceful hours of sleep. But the inevitable thoughts of a life lost would always haunt you through the night. So here you were watching the slight rise and fall of Carmy’s chest, his lips parted slightly. He looked adorable like this but you felt a little weird just watching someone sleep. 

Your hand raised gently moving the waves out of Carmy’s face, leaning in slightly to press a delicate kiss on his forehead before quietly making your way out of the bed. It was a little tricky to open the door without waking Carmy but you had managed.

Leaving the hallway that led to Carmy’s room you entered the living room, searching for the duffle you brought with you. Only to find it open on the floor, your toiletry bag the only item that remained in the bottom of the bag. Confusion swept across your face as you tried to figure out where the rest of your belongings were.

Looking around the living area you spotted your laptop resting on the counter, your laptop bag sitting on a towel next to it. You would figure things out later. The first thing you wanted to do right now was to brush your teeth.

You quickly tip-toed back into Carmy’s room and the bathroom quietly shutting the door behind you and beginning your morning routine. Now refreshed you exited the bathroom, a small smile gracing your lips as you took in Carmy’s still-sleeping figure. 

Perusing the fridge and pantry you found a lack of any edible food. The few things available allowed you to whip up some French toast. You were no chef and maybe you should’ve left the cooking to Carmy but you were hoping this could be an olive branch for the two of you. If Carmy didn’t want to be with you romantically, maybe the two of you could work on mending your friendship.

Carmy woke up to an empty bed, his first thoughts that you had escaped in the night, his heart clenching a bit at the thought. He couldn’t be mad he pulled the same stunt on you, turning to lay on his back he stared at his ceiling, mind racing as he thought about the conversation from yesterday. 

Carmy knew he wanted to be happy, and he also knew he wanted that with you. He just didn’t know the first thing about romantic love or how to explicitly make his wants clear to you. It seemed as though he’d never get that chance, you were serious about catching the next flight out. 

Sitting up in bed he looked around, trying to gain his bearings. The sound of his bedroom door opening jolted him from his thoughts. He watched as you walked in with two plates in your hands, the smell of French toast invading his senses. His eyes found yours as you stopped in the doorway a small shy smile sent in his direction.

“I made us breakfast,” Carmy watched you make your way towards him, taking a plate off your hands as you sat on the bed in front of him. “I hope you don’t mind French toast, you uh didn’t have much to work with.” 

Carmy’s eyes subtly lit up at the fact that you were still there, that you hadn’t left. “No, yeah this is great, you uh, used cinnamon and everything.” The shy teasing smile on Carmy’s face caused a small chuckle to bubble out of you.

The two of you ate in silence for the most part, each of you stealing glances at one another while the other wasn’t paying attention. Shy smiles sent each other’s way when one of you would catch the other’s eye. 

You watched as Carmy took the plate from your hands and made his way to the door, you sat there for a moment watching him walk away before getting up and following behind him. You silently took a seat on the stool at the counter watching as Carmy began cleaning the remaining breakfast dishes.

The stretch of his back muscles under the tank top he was wearing was a sight to see. It surprised you a bit how toned Carmy was considering he lived and breathed being a chef, you didn’t expect him to have free time to worry about his physique. 

You waited as Carmy finished sending him a small smile as he finally faced you. He made his way to you, the two of you separated by the counter, his forearms resting on the counter accentuated his toned biceps.

“I actually need to go to the farmer’s market today,” you waited to see if there was anything more he had to say but the silence drew on.

“Oh, I can stay here, I have work to finish.” You gestured your hand to the laptop not far from the two of you, trying not to let your disappointment show.

“Did you maybe wanna join me,” Carmy waited for your response, eyes darting around your face hoping you would say yes.

“Do you…want me to join you?” You could laugh, the two of you sitting here beating around the bush like two teenagers. 

You waited as you took in Carmy’s shy demeanor, the blush rising from his neck, you were tempted to point it out but didn’t want him to close himself off like you were used to. 

“I want you to come with me to the farmers market.” Carmy made sure to look you in the eyes as the words left his mouth, sure that he was red in the face but wanting you to know how much he wanted to spend time with you. 

The two of you stared at each other for a while, the toothy grin on your face mirroring the his smaller one. The small nod of your head was everything Carmy needed to see for his heartbeat to calm down. He watched as you giddily got up from your seat presumably to get ready.

“Oh um did you do something with my clothes?” The smile didn’t seem to be leaving your face anytime soon.

Carmy cleared his throat hand raising to scratch the back of his neck, “Yeah I, uh I washed them, they’re in my closet.” 

You couldn’t deny that those words made your heart pick up speed a bit, the idea of feeling giddy that your clothes were in Carmy’s closet was a bit childish, but you would take what you could get at this point. 

“Oh, okay I’ll just go get ready then.” Your hand gestured to the room behind you.

“Yeah,” Carmy couldn’t help but marvel at the idea of you getting ready in his apartment, it was almost like he could pretend this was his reality.

“Yeah,” you didn’t know why you were acting like a love-struck teenager but Carmy just brought it out of you.

“Okay,” Carmy nodded his head signaling you to take your leave.

“Oka-.”

“Baby just go get fucking ready.” A huff of laughter escaped Carmy at the way you were acting.

Carmy stood by the counter watching as you ran off to prepare yourself for the day. He couldn’t stop the smile from gracing his lips as he listened to your melodic laughter sing through the emptiness of his apartment.

You had split from Carmy a few booths back, the two of you deciding it was for the best. Your constant wandering off to booths that intrigued you put Carmy in a panic when he would look to see you no longer at his side. 

It was your first time in New York and you were just happy to take in this small portion of what the city had to offer. The farmer’s market here was similar to the ones you’d been to back home, though the weather would take some getting used to, not like you needed to. You’d be back in Chicago before you knew it. 

You found a small flea market-type area towards the back of the farmers market. Vendors gathered around selling handmade items and keepsakes. A few minutes into your perusal of the area you found a vendor selling handmade clothing items. A pretty cami dress caught your eye that the vendor exclaimed you just had to have, and who were you to turn down a beautiful dress selling for a decent price in the streets of New York.

With the dress nicely tucked away into a paper bag gently swinging from your arm, you decided it was time to make your way back to the entrance of the farmers market and wait for Carmy. On your journey back you stopped at a vendor selling handmade leather goods, a particular leather wallet drawing your attention.

The familiarity of it caused you to let loose a shuddering breath, the small item reminded you of Mikey’s wallet. Although his was more used, worn in. Standing on this street and looking down at the pristine wallet in front of you was almost like looking at a replica.

You remembered asking him once why he chose to use the ratty old thing and the smart-ass response he had given you. The fact that an inanimate object that had no ties to Mikey was causing this sort of reaction inside you, felt too real, it felt like grief was prepared to sink its claws into you. 

And you couldn’t allow it, because you were in New York finally on somewhat good terms with Carmy. And Mikey would be waiting for your return to Chicago, eager to hear about your time with his little brother. 

“Would you like to buy it, miss?” Your eyes found the vendors, a forced smile tracing your lips.

You slowly shook your head feeling a little bad for turning down goods from a small business, you just didn’t need the wallet, especially not one that would remind you of him every day.

The walk back to the farmers market felt melancholy: the promise to yourself to compartmentalize Mikey and his situation was becoming harder the more time you spent alone. Your search for Carmy became more urgent the longer you couldn’t find him. The racing images of Mikey’s casket swirling with your recent moments spent in Carmy’s presence. 

You didn’t want to burden Carmy with the debilitating thoughts you were having, not wanting to ruin the good thing the two of you had going. Neither of you brought up the elephant in the room and it seemed like neither of you was going to. The both of you content to live in momentary bliss for the time you had together. 

It felt like you were spiraling and all because of some stupid too similar fucking wallet. You finally made your way to the entrance of the market hoping Carmy would know to look for you there.

Carmy gathered the ingredients necessary for the dinner he planned for tonight, luckily for him the restaurant was closed on Sundays so he could spend the day with you. 

He still wasn’t sure that any of this was real. You showing up outside his apartment at two in the morning, holding you as you slept, and now adventuring out to the market he frequented, it all felt like a dream.

There was one last stop Carmy needed to make before he met up with you. He made his way to the old flower vendor who was always the first one here to ensure he set up a show at the entrance. Carmy had his fair share of conversations with the man but had never actually bought any flowers off of him, but today was the day that changed. 

“Carmen is that you?” Carmy raised his head from the flowers he was glancing at, the old man sitting on the stool smiling his way.

“Yes sir. How you doing today Willie?” Carmy wasn’t much into friends or acquaintances since the two of you parted ways all those years ago, but Willie was a special case. Always kind, on Carmy’s first visit to this particular market the older man had explained to him the layout and gave him insider information about what times were best to come to ensure he got the freshest ingredients from each vendor. 

“You thinking about buying something today son?” The older man rose from his seated position plopping the paper he was reading in his place.

Carmy nodded eyes going back to the various flowers to choose from. This wasn’t Carmy, he had never done something like this, not willingly at least. But he knew flowers could symbolize different things, and have different meanings. And if he couldn’t figure out how to be straightforward and speak with you, maybe a hand-picked bouquet could solve that issue. 

“Looking for anything in particular?” He glanced at Willie, a slight frown marring his face, he genuinely had no idea.

Carmy chuckled, hand raising to scratch the nape of his neck, “I’m not sure Willie.” He felt a little embarrassed. How was he to translate his feelings to you through horticulture if he knew nothing about flowers and their meanings.

“Well help me out boy, tell me who they’re for an maybe I can whip something up for you.” It was like perfect timing as Carmy heard your voice trickling into his ears. You were standing on the other side of the entrance phone to your ear as you spoke to somebody, a look of exhaustion on your features.

Carmy’s eyes caught yours as you glanced in his direction, he watched that beautiful smile appear as you quickly ended the call with whoever you were talking to, smile mirroring yours as you two stared at each other across the distance. Your hand raised in a shy wave smile growing wider as Carmy reciprocated the gesture. 

“Now Carmen, why didn’t you tell me these were for your old lady,” Carmy’s head shot around to find Willie smirking at him from his side of the booth. “Is that the young lady in that picture you keep in your wallet?” 

Carmy watched frozen, as Willie moved around his booth, trying his best to figure out when the older man had ever caught a glance at the picture of you two. “Uh, she’s just a friend sir.” 

“Listen, boy, you can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. And I know you betta not be lying to that pretty girl over there.” The flowers in Willie’s hand were used to point in your direction. 

“I saw the way she looked at you just now son, that girl is in love,” Carmy listened as Willie began constructing the bouquet, ears tuned to what the man was saying. 

“I’ll give it to you straight boy, you’re gonna regret every chance you didn’t take with that young lady. Now I don’t know the situation between you two, but what I do know is that you look at that girl like she invented oxygen, I know because that’s how I looked at my Debbie.” Carmy was raptly intrigued with Willie’s words, watching the sad smile take over his lips as he mentioned his recently deceased wife.

“And from our interactions you don’t seem to me like the type to let rare opportunities pass you by,” the bouquet seemed to be pretty much finished, the older man just putting the final touches. “Now you give that pretty young lady this here bouquet, you make her a nice dinner like I’m sure you planned. And you let her know how much you appreciate her.” 

Carmy nodded his head rapidly trying to take in everything the older man said. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched Willie wave you over to them.

“Excuse me miss? Why don’t you come on over here and join us.” Carmy could feel the panic rising within him.

“N- Willie No don-.”

“Hush up boy and introduce me to your lovely girl.” You stopped next to Carmy eyes widening as you took in the unknown man's words. 

You looked at Carmy as he brought his hand up to swipe across his mouth, a tight-lipped smile lining his lips afterwards.

“Hi sweetie I’m Willie Carmen’s only friend in this city,” you laughed as the man winked at you before holding his hand out listening as you introduced yourself. 

“It’s nice to meet you Willie, you have some beautiful flowers, do you harvest them yourself?” The man in front of you waved off the compliment with a serene smile on his face.

“My wife and I started selling at this market 20 years ago. This is my first year without her.” The smile on your lips faltered as you offered your condolences.

“Now I don’t wanna keep you too long, but this bouquet here is for you to miss.” You looked at Carmy before your eyes found Willie’s again, your cheeks warming at what the man was insinuating. 

“Oh um, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?” Your wallet was out and ready in your hand, Carmy’s hand shooting out to stop you as he thrust money forward. 

“Y’all put that money away now,” Willie shook his head scoffing at the idea of either of you paying.

He held out the bouquet in your direction, the smile lining his face urged you to take it. You couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful bouquet, the colorful assortment helping to ease the foreboding feeling you had earlier. 

“Our friend Carmen here chose each of those flowers,” you looked in Carmy’s direction, the blush on his face so endearing to you. “I went on ahead and tucked a card in there with their meanings. You two make a fine pair, don’t let life get in the way of the love you share, you hear me?”

You nodded avoiding Carmy’s eyes like your life depended on it, easily listening to the wisdom Willie was bestowing upon the two of you. 

“The world is kind but she is also cruel. She will take away the things we love even if we’re not ready to part with them. Love each other loudly and with no regrets, it's always good to see young love prosper.”  The sad look in Willie’s eyes pulled at your heartstrings, you stood there wondering if he had any regrets. 

The clearing of Carmy’s throat finally drew your attention from the wise older man in front of you. “Thank you Willie really, but we should be heading home.” 

Willie nodded a pleasant smile on his lips, “Damn right! The two of you holdin up my business.” The older man shooed the two of you off a chuckle followed his gesture. 

“It was nice meeting you Willie, thank you again for the beautiful bouquet.” You sent him one last wave before you and Carmy moved away from the booth.

“It’s a gorgeous bouquet Carmy,” you glanced over the flowers before your eyes locked with Carmy’s, a loving smile splitting your face. 

Carmy smiled, unconsciously reaching out to move a stray piece of hair from your eyes, hurriedly dropping his hand and clearing his throat. “Let’s get them home and into some water yeah?” Carmy’s eyes darted around doing his best not to stare at you for too long.

You looked down trying to hide your smile, the word ‘home’ filled you with warmth. Your hand reached out to intertwine his with your own, avoiding Carmy’s eyes as they finally focused on you, “Lead the way.”

The gentle squeeze of your hand in Carmy’s made you smile, the two of you making your way back to his apartment. Neither of you mentioned holding hands as you journeyed home, just like neither of you said anything as you melted into his safe embrace on the subway ride.

The two of you entered the small apartment, your laughs filtering through the hallway and into the entranceway. A run-in with Carmy’s neighbor across the hall was responsible for the now-dying laughter between the two of you.

“Is she always like that?” You stopped allowing Carmy to help you out of your jacket before he hung it up. You turned to him, taking the bags out of his hand as you made your way to the kitchen. Setting them on the counter before searching for something to hold your flowers. 

Carmy followed behind you after removing his own coat, hands falling to your waist as he moved around you to unload the few groceries he had gotten for tonight. “She uh, airdropped me a nude once, so right now was pretty tame I guess.” 

Your headshot to Carmy’s everything in you holding back the laugh that was desperately trying to escape. “Poor girl. Did you send one back?” You nudged your elbow into his watching as the blush on his cheeks deepened.

He maneuvered around you trying to ignore your teasing, “God no, we uh went out for drinks once, it was cool.” 

The crumbs he was giving you surprised you, “And nothing like came out of that?”

“I dunno was something supposed to?” Carmy made sure not to give you direct attention, mortified that he was even having this conversation with you in his kitchen.

“Well did you want it to?” You didn’t know why you had latched onto this topic of conversation so hard, it reminded you of the times Carmy would ramble to you about Claire. And if you were just spending the weekend with a friend wasn’t this the type of conversation you should be engaging in? 

Carmy turned to you as you finally found a glass big enough to support the bouquet, he watched as you filled the glass with water before trimming the stems. “Not with her, no.”

You looked up to see Carmy finally looking at you with a serious expression painting his flushed face. You couldn’t help it as your eyes dropped to his lips, clocking the subtle peak of his tongue poking out as he wet his lips. 

Carmy made his way towards you, Willie's words from earlier bouncing around in his head. He pulled the flower from your hand and placed it in the large glass he wasn’t even aware he had. He cleared his throat hoping he had enough confidence to get these words out.

“I’m gonna start on dinner, and you’re gonna go get ready,” his hand came up to hold the left side of your jaw, finger finding the spot behind your ear he always took special care to remember. “I want you to put on that pretty little dress you were gushing about on the way home.” Carmy stopped watching as you nodded your head showing that you were paying attention.

“Can you do that for me?” His eyes traced your face looking for any signs that you were uncomfortable.

Your lidded eyes lazily blinked up at him a quiet ‘yes’ escaped through your parted lips. A small smile rested on Carmy’s lips as he leaned in to plant a delicate kiss on your forehead, lips lingering for a moment too long.

He reluctantly removed himself from you waiting for you to scurry off. Surprised when you took a step closer to him and leaned in, a gentle press of your lips connecting to the corner of his. Carmy watched as you pulled away and smiled at him before taking your leave.

Carmy stood in his kitchen for a minute, heart racing as he realized what he had just done. The only place Carmy had ever been in control was in the kitchen, so maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to take control in that moment, well that and Willie’s lecture.

He was sure it would never happen again as he began preparing the ingredients for the lasagna he planned to make for the two of you. 

You and Carmy had switched places a few minutes ago after he walked in on you wrapped in a towel and profusely apologized  for almost a whole minute. You easily slipped into your dress while Carmy was in the shower. 

As you walked into the living room you could smell the delicious aroma of the cuisine Carmy prepared for the two of you. You were glad to be out of Carmy’s presence for the time being, your brain doing its best to process the moment the two of you had shared in the kitchen. 

The cold shower you took did nothing to calm down the feelings swirling around inside you. You had never seen Carmy so in control of anything in his life, the demanding tone he used with you earlier almost had you making a fool of yourself right there in his kitchen. 

A constant beep coming from the oven drew your attention, you quickly made your way to the kitchen grabbing a towel to remove the hot dish from its place resting in the oven. You couldn’t help but marvel at the pretty lasagna in your hands. It was a bit weird to describe food as pretty, but the presentation was generally pleasing to the eyes.

You walked to the countertop to set the dish down, turning to search through the kitchen for plates and utensils. Having a slightly hard time as you had no idea where anything was located at.

“Baby?” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, not having heard him make his approach. 

You turned in his direction, a light laugh leaving your lips. It was a bit comical, the two of you dressed nicely, feet bare in his New York apartment. You took in his appearance biting your lip as you spotted his chain that encouraged you to do sinful things. He was dressed in probably the only slacks he owned, the ankles cuffed since he wasn’t wearing shoes. The deep green crew neck hugging his body was similar in color to the dress you were wearing, the unexpected matching caused another laugh to leave your lips. 

The box in his hand finally caught your attention, it appeared to be a present of some sort. You pointed at it with the random spoon you had picked up while searching for cutlery. 

“What’s that?” You furrowed your brows as you watched Carmy revert to his usual shy self. 

He held the gift out to you, “Go ahead, open it.” Your hand brushed his as you took the box from his hold feeling a bit giddy at the unsolicited gift.

Carmy held his breath as he watched you open a five-year-old gift in his kitchen. You looked beautiful and he wanted to tell you but couldn’t seem to force the words out too enthralled with the intimate atmosphere that had been surrounding the two of you since earlier in the kitchen. 

Carmy was a fool for leaving you the morning after Christmas and knowing that he let Mikey down when it came to you haunted him. He was glad to have these days with you, it wasn’t healthy but the two of you were providing a distraction for each other. 

“Carmy oh my goodness,” the gasp of your breath brought Carmy back to reality. His cheeks warmed at seeing you so happy. “How much did this even cost you, these things are like relics.” Your eyes flashed to the smile on your face seeming to brighten up the kitchen.

“It doesn’t matter, I bought this for Christmas and just…I never sent it.” He was prepared for you to scold him for his stupidity, tell him you didn’t care for the gift, and that you couldn’t play pretend with him anymore. 

The press of your warm body against his surprised him, quickly wrapping his arms around your waist. Holding onto you so tightly scared that if he let you go then you would disappear and he’d realize this weekend was just a dream.

“I love it Carmy really, thank you.” Your arms were still wrapped around his neck as the two of you gazed into each other's eyes. 

“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?” 

You wasted no time before you leaned forward pressing a sweet kiss into his lips lingering for a moment to translate the love you felt for him. Carmy’s hand moved up to your jaw, keeping you locked in place against him, his tongue slipping out to caress your bottom lip.

You slowly opened your mouth allowing him in, the softness of his tongue exploring the warmth of your mouth. The kiss was slow, sensual, all the pent-up emotions being shared between the two of you. 

The rhythm Carmy set was easy for you to follow along with, you took the chance to suck on his tongue a bit, losing yourself in the feelings this one kiss was bringing forth.

You parted from Carmy reluctantly, a small smile raised to your lips as you watched him chase you for more. A soft moan escaped you as he began decorating kisses down your jaw and to your neck, tilting your head back to allow him better access, surprise painting your features as he raised you to sit on his counter. 

Carmy continued to study you with his lips, tracing down your pulse point and across your collarbone. It would never be enough for him, he would never be able to satisfy his hunger for you no matter how much of your skin his lips could paint. 

The soft whimpers snatched from your lips going straight to his groin, his hips unconsciously canting against your leg that was in perfect alignment. 

“Touch me Carmy…please,” Carmy swore he could cum from the sound of your begging alone.

But he stopped his ministrations, the realization that he had no idea what he was doing hitting him like a ton of bricks. 

You watched as Carmy pulled away from you chest rapidly puffing up and down as the confusion swept across your face. “Carmy?” Your voice trailed off you couldn’t help the hurt you were feeling, here you were sitting atop Carmy’s kitchen counter dress hiked up to your waist the lacy underwear you had chosen to wear in full view, the straps of your dress pulled down precariously low that the top of your areolas was peeking out. 

You quickly adjusted the top of your dress before hopping off the counter and pulling down the hem. Eyes filling with tears as you were brought back to prom night, memories re-playing all the hurt that came after it. 

Carmy’s head shot up from its place in his hands the tears in your waterline and the way you had shrunken into yourself making him feel like a complete fucking asshole.

“Shit no Baby…I-Fuck!” Carmy watched as you jolted a little at the shout of his voice, he was fucking this up more than it already was.

“Hey, hey,” he closed the distance between the two of you, raising his hands to your jaw and forcing you to look at him. “Baby, I-I’m sorry it's just…I don’t,” Carmy took a deep breath trying to gain his bearings. “I’ve never done this stuff before.” 

Carmy’s eyes followed the emotions crossing your face, a frown painting your face before your eyes widened and your lips parted in the shape of an ‘o’. 

“Carmy…have you never been intimate with anyone before?” Carmy knew your question wasn’t teasing or malicious but he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed at having to admit this to you. 

“I uh, you were my first kiss…and my second kiss just now,” Carmy hung his head in shame, blush rising from his neck to stain his cheeks. 

“Oh my goodness I’m such an asshole,” Carmy looked up at you a chuckle escaping him at your declaration. Your hand reached out to rest against his cheek thumb caressing back and forth. “Carmy I thought you were rejecting me.” Now it was your turn to feel shameful, your first thoughts being selfish ones as opposed to waiting to hear Carmy’s explanation. 

Carmy’s hand came up to grip yours on his cheek, head turning to place a soft kiss on your pulse point. “Let’s sit and eat, yeah?” Carmy waited for your response, smiling at you as you nodded. “I wanna spend as much time together as we can.” 

You pulled him into a sweet kiss, his hands squeezing your waist at the feeling of being able to freely kiss you “I’d like that.” You pulled away the two of you sharing bright smiles as you moved to have the dinner Carmy had so lovingly planned out.

Neither of you pointed out the fact that things would be coming to an end for you two tomorrow, but you’d bask in this loving atmosphere for all the remaining time you two had together. 

You could feel soft lips pressing into the space behind your left ear, your first instinct was worry. Confused by the warm body pressed into you from behind strong arms gripping your waist as though you would disappear at a moment's notice. The memories of the last day with Carmy led you to relax.

A quiet sniffle finally woke you up enough, your eyes opening to the dimly lit room. A familiar head of hair tucked snuggly into your neck, and slight huffs of breaths could be heard.

“Carmy?” The raspiness of your morning voice echoed around the room, you could hear the breathing quiet down a bit, concern spiking in you. 

You began turning wanting to comfort the man you had been in love with for most of your life, it was a struggle as the arms around you tightened but you finally turned to your side Carmy burying his face in your t-shirt-clad chest.

“Carmy, honey,” the lack of response was beginning to worry you, you had shared your fair share of cries with Carmy throughout your friendship but considering the circumstances that brought you together this time around, you couldn’t help but freak out a bit. “Hey, hey look at me yeah?”

“I-I just need a minute please.” The crack of Carmy’s voice went straight to your heart. He maneuvered so the top of his body was laying on your chest and stomach, his lower body settling gently between your legs. 

You leaned forward pressing a lingering kiss to his head before lying back down and slowly stroking your fingers through his hair, wanting to make him as comfortable in this moment as you could. You were content to hold him all day if that’s what he needed.

The two of you laid like that for a while, Carmy’s breathing and sniffling calming down after a few minutes. You watched as Carmy propped himself up on his elbows, pressing a small kiss into the fabric of your shirt over your stomach, a small smile rising to your lips as you watched him.

“Talk to me, Carm?” You watched as he looked up to you, pretty blue eyes swollen from the tears he’d been shedding. 

Carmy moved up a little resting his cheek against your sternum arms wrapped tightly around you, “Uhh, Sug called, said Mikey left something for me.” 

It was quiet as you let his words sink in, a shuddering sigh leaving you as your hands unconsciously began running back through Carmy’s hair. 

You felt Carmy’s hand slip under the shirt of his you were borrowing, fingers gliding across the skin of your stomach lazily tracing circles. The small gesture helped to relax you a bit.

“Did she say anything else?” Your fingernails softly scratched into Carmy’s scalp, the two of you trying to touch each other as much as you possibly could.

Carmy’s chuckle drew your attention, “She uh, asked me to come home.”

Your nails stopped for a minute before you started up again, heart jumping a little in your chest at the idea of Carmy coming back to Chicago, “Are you…going to go home?” The hope in your voice borders on desperation.

Carmy was silent for a moment, hands moving to lift your shirt just underneath your breast before he placed his warm cheek back in its previous position. The news skin-on-skin contact sends chills through both of you. 

“Everything with Mikey kinda made me think about us.” Carmy’s thumb came up, to caress against your rib, dangerously close to your breast. “It just kind of puts into perspective that the people you care about can be here one day…and gone the next.”

The avoidance of your original question was not lost on you, but Carmy opening up may have been better than whatever argument the initial qualm might impose. 

“Baby I-,” you looked at Carmy as he adjusted his position one hand resting against your sternum, his chin plopping onto it. “I um.” He stopped, you followed his movements watching as his eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

“For a while, I’ve known that I feel something for you, but I-I don’t think I can give you what you want.” Your hand slipped from his hair to cup his cheek, hanging on to every word leaving his lips.

Carmy leaned into the palm of your hand, letting himself melt into your touch, cherishing the few moments he had left with you. “And I can’t promise any commitment after today.” The rapid beating of Carmy’s chest could be felt on your stomach, the crack in his voice raising a small smile to your lips. 

You sat up in bed. Carmy looked up at you as you held his chin in your hand, thumb softly tracing his lips as you committed his features to memory. The tiny scars marring his face, the few beauty marks dotted around, connecting them would create a new constellation you swore you’d remember forever. 

Carmy was honest with you, and that’s all you asked of him. Neither of you could promise each other a happy ending after you parted ways and while that hurt, it didn’t make sense to ruin the remaining time the two of you had left dwelling on the future.

“Carmen,” you waited for him to lock eyes with you, a sad smile spread across your features, tears you could no longer hold back coming forth. “I know.” 

Carmy’s lips pressed into your thumb before he gently cupped your neck and reached up so your lips connected. This was only the third kiss the two of you shared, but the intangible love and intimacy that could be felt through the single press of your lips would never dwindle, not for as long as the two of you surrounded yourself with each other.

He raised to his knees both hands entrapping your face, all his passion being poured into this one kiss. Carmy was slightly above you now, the angle forcing you to raise your head to stay connected. His thumb began unconsciously caressing the ‘B’ behind your left ear, a small part of you that had stuck with him ever since he discovered it five years ago.

The kiss intensified as you slipped your tongue between his lips, hands gripping onto his hips as he towered above you in this position. Your tongue moved languidly inside his mouth, small noises escaping the both of you.

Carmy pulled the hair at the nape of your neck, the motion removing your lips from his. “Did you mean what you said?” His breath left him in a huff.

“What?” You were slightly out of breath yourself, confused at what the hell Carmy was on about. 

“What you said about this,” his thumb swiped back and forth against the ‘B’ inked into your skin. “Would you take my last name?” 

You bit your lip, eyes lidded as you searched Carmy’s face, hand moving to grip his soft chin between your forefinger and thumb raising onto your knees so the two of you were eye level.

“Would you like that Carmen? If I let you give me your last name?” A patronizing smile graced your lips, the air between you charged. 

Carmy surged forward hungry for a taste of you, his hands gripped your hair to tug on it a strangled gasp leaving you. The strength with which Carmy took your lips into his forcing your back into the mattress beneath you two, his body hovering over yours. 

Your hand left its place on his chin sliding down to his shoulders caressing the little skin his tank top allowed you to feel. Hands traveling across his chest, the feeling of his toned body under your palms making you needy. You finally made it to the hem of his shirt tugging it up to give you access to the warm skin of his torso.

Carmy parted from you, snatching the shirt over his head before diving back in. Lips leading him to his favorite feature of yours. Your hands wrapped around his shoulders pulling him flush against you, Carmy’s lips ravished your neck as he nipped from your jawline down to your pulse point, teeth sinking in a bit harder.

“Fuck Carmy.” The delicious feeling of Carmen's body against yours, his lips exploring you, hands gripping the skin of your revealed waist. All of it led to the thrust of your hips up into his, it was selfish but you needed him, not that you would force him but whatever he would give you would have to be enough.

Carmy’s sharp intake of breath drew your attention as his hips relentlessly ground into you, hand wandering up your shirt to cup your breast thumb accidentally tracing your nipple. 

Your loud gasp alarmed him. He quickly parted from you saliva connected your lips together as you both took in each other’s disheveled appearances.

“Did I-did I do something wrong?” Sweet Carmy worried that he had ruined the moment. 

You sat up rapidly shaking your head as you stared into his eyes, the both of you breathing heavily, “No, no it was great I promise.”

Carmy nodded gently tracing your jawline as he looked at you, “Baby…I want this moment with you.” The mumble made your heart race, this was a big deal it would change whatever this relationship between the two of you was. 

“Carmy…we don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.” You searched his eyes hoping he didn’t feel pressured by the noises you were making.

“Have you…done this before?” Carmy forced himself to keep looking at you regardless of the blush he could feel painting his cheeks.

The small nod you gave relieved him a bit, “Does that bother you?” You didn’t think Camry would mind but you knew the male species could be unpredictable. 

“God no, I just don’t wanna disappoint you.” He finally looked away from you embarrassed to have admitted something so personal. 

“You won’t.” You sent him a small smile before guiding his hands to the hem of your shirt helping him to pull it over your head. Watching his beautiful face take in everything you had to offer him. 

His throat bobbed as he took in a large gulp, you could see the uncertainty in his eyes, proving you’d have to take the reins on this one, not that you minded. The thought of telling Carmy how to pleasure you warmed you up even more. 

Your finger reached out to lift Carmy’s chin, directing his eyes to yours, “What do you want to do to me, Carmen?” 

You watched as he blinked eyes tracing your figure, “I just wanna appreciate you, Baby.” The words left his lips in a whisper.

You were taken aback never having heard that before while being intimate. His hands slowly settled on your waist, the safest option “How should I…do that.”

You smiled moving one of his hands to cup your breast, shuddering at the skin-to-skin contact, “We can start with kissing, then I want you to do whatever feels right okay?”

Carmy nodded, giving your breast a slight squeeze a whimper drawing out of you, taking account of your reaction he gently began rubbing his thumb across your pebbled nipple watching your body writhe at the small action. 

He leaned forward pressing a gentle kiss into your forehead, lips moving to your left cheek then your right. A small kiss pressed into each of your closed eyelids and the tip of your nose. Each corner of your lips got its turn before his lips found the space between your nose and upper lip. One more kiss pressed into your chin before finally ending with a sweet kiss to your lips, cherishing every inch of your face he had kissed.

Carmy made his way to your jawline, starting at the right side and tracing to your left, nipping every so often as he continued his journey. Lips slowly tracing from your jawline to your neck, he wasn’t sure what it was but seeing your neck on display for him made him feral, his hips grinding into your as he decorated your neck in love bites. 

“Lay down f’me.” You eagerly listened watching as Carmy planted another soft kiss into your lips before following the map of your collarbones. Lips pressing into your upper chest as both hands came up to softly knead your breast. 

You could feel Carmy’s hard-on pressing against you, as much as you were enjoying this, all you wanted in the world was to finally please Carmy. You slipped your hand between your bodies sliding into the waistband of his boxers, hand gripping him as a strangled moan parted his lips. The soft caress of your hand against him caused his head to spin, this felt different from the times he would stroke himself thinking about you.

“Does this feel good, Carmy?” Your voice was a little deeper, more sensual as you questioned him. “Do you wish it was me making you cum on those lonely nights, hmm?

“Fuck…yes.” The whine of his voice went straight to your core, spurring you on more. 

Your strokes became a little firmer, applying more pressure to provide him more pleasure. His length twitched against your palm the more you rubbed. Carmy had lost all sense of his own ministrations grinding into your hand while still on top of you, he could feel himself close to ecstasy the feel of your warm body underneath him making him lose all control.

“Ba-Baby stop.” You froze immediately forcing your hormones under wrap, Carmy’s comfortability your priority. 

“Are you okay Carm?” The worry in your voice was obvious as you removed your hand from its grip on him. 

“Ye-yeah, I just want to please you right now.” Carmy’s hand moved to grip your rib cage thumb running back and forth against your under boob, “Can I continue showing my appreciation.” The slight desperation in his voice caused you to rapidly nod your head. 

Carmy gave you a small shy smile, moving to kiss the spot he had been tracing during this time. His lips painted across your whole torso, paying extra attention to your stomach, ideas he wasn’t ready to give merit to racing through his mind as he did so.

Finally, he paused at your hips, the solid cotton panties you wore obscured his path, nose caressing the front of your panties as he took in a deep breath allowing your aroma to invade his senses. “Are you going to take off my panties, Carmy?” The condescending tone in your voice went straight to his throbbing cock.

He nodded, wasting no time in peeling the fabric from its home around your hips, ready to replace it with his bare hands. Carmy raised to his haunches, unconsciously licking his lips at the sight of your naked body sprawled so prettily across his bed. All of you on show just for him.

Carmy returned to his previous task lips pressing wet delicate kisses into each of your hips bones, a lingering one placed at the base of your pelvis before turning his attention to your thighs. Lips trailing down your leg special attention paid to the crook of your knees and ankles. 

Carmy’s eyes found yours as he placed the last kiss on your right ankle, both of your pupils blown from the sequence of events that had just taken place. 

You beckoned Carmy forward urging him to find you once again. As he drew closer you grabbed one of his hands placing it on your right breast before moving it down so it caressed the rest of your torso, and down your pelvis finally stopping before the place you needed his touch most.

This was your way of giving him an out, the two of you could stop right here if he wanted to, the slight nod of his head told you otherwise. 

Your grip on his hand changed as you grabbed his forefinger and middle finger, your free hand parting your lower lips as you traced his fingers through your slick, a filthy moan escaping into the bedroom as Carmy’s calloused fingers finally stroked you.

“Do you feel that Carmy?” He nodded his head, eyes not leaving yours for a minute. “It's all for you, you made me feel this good.” 

You moved his fingers lower watching his face as you glided his two fingers into you, biting your lower lip at the hunger in you that was finally being tended to.

Carmy’s mouth fell open as he watched the ecstasy wash over your face, lost in the feeling of touching you in the most intimate way he had ever touched anyone before. His head dropped, eyes watching as you slowly swallowed his fingers, in and out the movement making him achingly hard. 

Carmy’s lips dropped to your ear a shy whisper caressing your ear, “I want to be inside you.” The vulnerability in Carmy’s voice caused you to bite your lip, satisfied that he was finally speaking up about what he wanted. 

“You are.” You teased him, clenching around his digits as his eyes drank you in.

You let out a whine as he removed his fingers from your grip, hand pressing your hip into the bed as he stared you down. “Please…I want this…with you.” The words unsaid weighing heavily between you two.  

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” You watched as he slipped out of his boxers, stroking himself as you watched and waited for your instructions. You motioned for him to lay atop you more noses brushing as he got into position, “I’ll guide you, but I need you to go slow okay, it’ll be a tight fit.” 

Carmy nodded his head, neither of you daring to ask about any contraception too lost in the thoughts of finally connecting in ways the two of you had only dreamed of.

You would come to regret the consequences of this decision later.

A smile split your lips before you surged up to capture Carmy’s lips, needing to distract yourself.

You guided him to your entrance only allowing the tip to go in to not overwhelm Carmy. Your mouth fell open in the shape of an ‘o’ as Carmy eagerly thrust into you, your hand raised to his shoulder to stop his movements.

“Carm, slowly, please.” His eyes met yours taking in the slight pain that his intrusion had caused, he nodded hand raising to cup your cheek.

“You look so beautiful like this.” A tender moment was shared between the two of you as you urged Carmy to continue his journey, shuddered moans escaping the both of you as he reached the hilt.

The feeling of finally being full with Carmy made you emotional, both of you just taking a moment to gaze at each other. Appreciating the finality of this all, Carmy leaned down to kiss a tear running down your cheek that escaped, his own eyes welling up, neither of you could find the right words to cement how much this moment meant to the two of you.

Carmy pulsed inside you the movement caused you to clench around him, “You did so good for me Carmy.” The praise went straight to his cock, eyes rolling back at how good a few words made him feel. 

“Can you move for me, Carm, it’ll make us both feel good.” The soft thrust of his hips was enough for you. 

He continued the slow motion of his hips, eyes connected with yours as the ghost of those three words he struggled to say filtered between the two of you. Your hand raised to wipe the single tear sliding down his cheek.

Nothing in the world could take this moment from the two of you. If Aphrodite could tell the story of your love she would describe it as a tangible heartbreaking thing always growing, and most times fleeting. Something both you and Carmy could touch, feel, and breathe. The love filtering between the two of you was clear as day to anyone who had a heart. 

The warm muscular hand pressed into the flesh of your hip bone driving you crazy. The fingers pressed into you harder and harder with each accompanying thrust. One hand pressed into the pillow by your head keeping the body atop of you from crushing you under its weight. You appreciated the cautionary position, but you had longed for this connection for what felt like ages and you would gladly welcome the weight of the perspiring chest burying you further into the mattress.

A golden gleam caught your eye taking you away from how the tattooed knuckles flexed against your hip every few seconds. You looked to see his golden chain dangling back and forth above your face, taunting you. The sway of the metal matched the rocking motion of his hips, the synchronicity of the two things driving you absolutely wild. Eyes concentrated on the gold chain it was almost like a switch was flipped in you and the catalyst was that fucking gold chain.

Your eyes moved to his face, his pupils blown wide as he stared down at you. You parted your lips his intense gaze causing you to clench down on him unconsciously, his eyes rolling back as his hand left its spot on your hip traveling up your torso thumb softly brushing over your nipple as it found its destination cupping your cheek with such intensity you were sure the shape of his thumb would be imprinted onto your jaw.

His eyes found yours once more, his thumb moving a few inches to softly caress your bottom lip. Your mouth opened on instinct to leisurely suck on his digit a hoarse ‘Fuck’ leaving the warm body that was making you feel so good. You released his thumb, feeling it tug at your bottom lip as his hand found its way back to your cheek.

You watched him above you, the ecstasy in his eyes warming your skin, you’d do anything to be able to please him if he always looked at you in that way. The flash of gold from his chain caught your attention again, the angle of his thrust causing you to gasp, a softly whispered moan of “Carmy,” leaving your lips. Carmy’s chain hovered above your open mouth begging to be taken between your teeth, you appeased your desires, your tongue latching onto the chain as you brought it to settle between your teeth. Carmy’s hips fucking into you at a slightly faster pace, your leg wrapping around his waist the heel of your foot pressing into his back to bring the two of you impossibly closer. 

“Fuck-Baby, shit!” Watching Carmy struggle for words had never been as sexy as it was at that moment. Knowing that you were the cause of his incoherent muttering. 

“Please, Carmy,” another gasp ripped through you, your teeth losing hold of Carmy’s signature gold chain. “Mmm yes, Carmen. Just like that.” You settled for whispering in his ear, the new position you had chosen had his head resting against your collarbone, his ear directly next to your mouth. You could feel Carmy’s hand moving from your cheek to clench your jaw between his thumb and remaining fingers. His hand moved your head to reveal your neck the feeling of soft wet kisses making a path to your ear, Carmy’s thrust slowing slightly.

You could feel his breath against your cheek, the soft whine he let out as your cunt clenched around him. His lips pressed against the shell of your ear, “Say that again.” His rough voice traveled through you, the thumping of your clit beating faster and faster.

“Just like that.” You moaned wanting to please him as much as he wanted to please you. 

His fingers dug into your chin, the roughness of his touch causing a high-pitched moan to leave your lips. “Sa-say my name?” The request made your head spin.

“Carm-,” Carmy’s hand returned to its earlier position holding himself above you causing your leg to drop back to the bed.

“N-no,” the strain in his voice was evident as he tilted your head down to stare directly into your eyes. “M-my name sa-say it. Please.” 

You bit your lip his whiny plea going straight to your clit. Your hand reachesdup to match his fingers gripping his chin firmly. Your blown pupils searching his wide doe eyes. It was hard to distinguish where the blue began and the black ended. Your faces were inches apart, you could tell from his breathing that your grip on his chin stirred something inside him. The soft rocking of his hips into yours caused your bottom lips to caress each other in the rhythm he had set.

“Carmen.” The syllables of his name left your mouth in a wanton moan, there was a moment where the thrusting of Carmy’s hips came to a slow stop before he surged forward and messily captured your lips in a kiss full of tongues and moans. Carmy’s hips began rutting into yours, the speed and intensity sending you both into a spiral. Your hand lost its grip on his chin to slither between your bodies matching Carmy’s pace and applying it to your clit. 

The grip on your chin was gone as Carmy’s hand followed the path yours had previously taken sending a soft squeeze to your breast. “Te-teach me how.” God you could’ve cum from that sentence alone. You began rapidly nodding your head before placing your hand atop his own guiding his index and middle finger into generously massaging your clit. 

“Car-Carmen, don’t stop please don’t stop.” Your voice leaves you in a sharp cry.

“Yeah? Is this good?” Your unabashed moan did more to answer Carmy’s question than any words could.

“Carmeee, I’m gonna come, please.” The banging of the headboard against the wall an indication of just how fast Carmy was thrusting into you.

“Whe-where should I-,” You could hear the slight panic in Carmy’s voice, assuming he was on the cusps of an orgasm as well.

“In me Carmy jus- all of it.” His fingers pressed into your clit going at a pace your brain couldn’t keep up with.

The speed of Carmy’s breathing increased. His head finding its way back into the crook of your neck, lips scattering kisses across your neck, “I’ll give it to you all. M’ gonna give you everything.” The sound of Carmen’s voice so quiet you weren’t sure if he had intended anyone else’s ears to hear it.

Whatever Carmen’s intentions his words were the last thing you needed to hear before bliss took over your senses. Your orgasm washed over you in waves, the intensity causing loud moans to escape your lips, clenching Carmy’s cock so hard you were sure it must’ve been painful. 

Riding the high of your orgasm, Carmen’s deep drawn-out groan vibrated into your neck as you felt him give two final rapid thrusts before the dam he had been holding back finally burst inside you. You felt his thrust slow down as he began peppering kisses across your face, “Thank you, thank you.” His voice trailed off into a whisper before his full body weight settled into you.

Now that the bed was no longer threatening to put a hole through his wall, the only sound filling the bedroom was the panting breaths you and Carmy were letting out.

Carmy looked up at you, the wetness on his cheeks matching yours. His forehead leaned against yours the vulnerability the two of you had for each other on full show. Breaths of love were shared between you as your lips gently touched. You knew the words you wanted to say at this moment, felt them so deep in your soul that your tears wouldn’t cease their downpour.

But you also knew how flighty the beautiful man in front of you was, it hurt but you would once again have to swallow your love for this man to ensure he remained in your life.

You laughed as Carmy hovered atop of you the Polaroid he gifted you in his hands the device raised to his eye. Your arm was thrown over your face the fact that the two of you were in this position at all still mind blowing . Carmy nudged your arm, he had been snapping photos of you for a while now, both of you ignoring the fact that he should have been getting ready for work instead of laying with your naked body barely covered under him. 

“Show me that smile, pretty girl,” you slowly moved your arm, the smile splitting your face hard to control. “You seem to like my chain so much, I want to remember what you look like in it.” Carmy could be devilish when he wanted to, the way he would sometimes gain confidence and say what was on his mind, throwing you for a loop.

Your eyes left the camera in his hand as you stared at his face, so enchanted with who Carmy was as a person. Only being jolted out of your trance as the Polaroid fluttered out of the camera and landed on the center of your chest. 

Carmy moved the camera smiling down at you before picking up the photo and examining it, the corner of his lips ticking up in a half smile. He placed the picture on the other pillow where all the other Polaroids were sprawled out. You watched as he set the camera down next to your head cupping your jaw before leaning down and pressing a firm kiss into your forehead a mumbled ‘Perfect’ escaped his lips. 

“Will you take a picture with me Carmy,” your words came out shyly hoping he would agree. You felt his nose nuzzle into your neck planting a small kiss on your tattoo before moving to lay next to you in the bed. 

You reached over to plant a soft kiss on his cheek before grabbing the camera from its spot by your head. You raised it watching as the soft smile graced Carmy’s face, your eyes not wanting to leave the perfect view of his side profile that you had fallen in love with, finger accidentally slipping, the sound of the camera shutter filled the space between you too.

Carmy pulled the photo out waiting for it to develop as he looked in your direction. A wide grin took over his face just by looking at you, your hand began lowering the camera before his hand shot out and raised your hand, and the camera back up quickly pressing your finger into the button to capture this moment in time. 

You let him grab the camera from your hands before he placed it on the nightstand, once again holding your face in place as the two of you shared your softest kiss yet. 

— — — —

You watched as Carmy maneuvered around his room slipping into a clean pair of chef whites, he was late and you could tell he was panicking on the inside but didn’t want to worry you. The two of you had wasted away in the shower washing each other's bodies and holding each other under the hot spray of water. Neither of you wanted to leave the confines of the shower, knowing your time together was finally expiring.

You sat on the bed with your legs pulled up to your chest, chin resting atop them, a fresh pair of panties, and his deep green crew neck from last night your only form of clothing. The tension between the two of you had been broken the moment Carmy realized just how behind schedule he was, shoving reality down your throat as the game of pretending the two of you had been playing was finally snuffed out.

Carmy’s eyes landed on you in his rush clocking the glaze of your eyes, head not rationalizing why you might be upset at the moment. Finally gathering all his necessities he rushed over to you kneeling in front of you pressing one last kiss onto your forehead.

“I’ll be home soon, yeah.” You closed your eyes, the words breaking your heart into pieces.

“Yeah, be safe okay?” Carmy smiled, capturing your lips in his for the last time tonight hand cupping the back of your head to hold you in place.

The two of you separated small side smiles mirroring each other, both of you knew that Carmy would return home to an empty apartment tonight, but neither of you would voice that truth. 

You followed him to the front door needing to see him off before your return to Chicago. He opened the door lingering between the door and the hallway hand gripping yours before pressing a soft kiss into the pulse point at your wrist.

You shared small smiles as Carmy made his way to leave, sending you one last wave before he disappeared down the hallway.

Your closed the door, forehead pressing into it as you stood there trying to gain your bearings, doing your best to control your tears as you knew this moment was inevitable.

A soft “I love you, Carmen.” Breathed into the empty apartment soft enough for it to feel like a ghost had whispered those words and not you.

But not quiet enough that the man who returned on the other side of the door missed the declaration. 

Heart thudding in his chest. His hand ready to turn the keys in the doorknob dropped to his side. His feet shuffled backward as he took one last glance at the door before reverting to his journey to work.

He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.

a/n: idk what to say really…enjoy : ) [actually no this is my first smut so please let’s learn from carmy’s mistakes and don’t come for me 😉] i’m like the only person on the planet who thinks i’m funny that’s how laughable it is 😭

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[nevarrhoe]

nsfw hcs for billy, eddie & steve?? <3

anon, i have been waiting for you. i have many, many, thoughts on this and i am more than happy to share with the class. i hope u enjoy.

-jazz (@dameronology)

smut (afab! reader) below the cut!! by hitting read more you and thereby consenting to said content & agree that you 18 years or older. if i catch minors interacting with this post or following me i will put u straight in the bin

eddie munson

ok i know canonically that eddie isn't the most popular guy in high school but i refuse to believe he hasn't had sex before. he plays in a band once a week at a bar?? hello?? also there's definitely some popular girls who find him high-key hot and seek him out because it's shameful and maybe they're into that

MY POINT IS basically that eddie is experienced and he knows what he's doing

he's a little above average, in terms of endowment. kinda skinny but blessed with a fair bit of length that hits the right spot

it's hairy but trimmed

what he probably has less experience with is sex in a relationship; like being with one person long enough to learn their likes & dislikes, to find kinks, to have actual romantic sex, etc

and trust me, this boy is eager to learn!! after your first few times, he starts to pick up on what gets you going on, what spots are the best for your pleasure & he's gonna map them out in his head and learn them like the back of his hand

eddie is hyper-focused on your pleasure; it's a win-win situation because he gets off on you getting off

his favourite thing to do is go down on you. he could literally do it for fuckin' hours, tongue just playing around and sucking on every sensitive area. it's when he moans in pleasure and your entire goddamn body seizes beneath him that he normally just cums himself without even being touched

bonus points for when he uses his arms to hold you down when he's giving you head

speaking of head: eddie will never say no to receiving. he always has two hands on your head when you do it, guiding you a little but never pushing

because he's not the kind of guy who always wants to instigate the whole sub/dom thing; he loves when it happens but for the most part, sex with you two is sort of like an equal partnership??

he's definitely the more commanding one though. this might be unexpected but c'mon mannn we've all seen him playing d&d and i refuse, REFUSE, to believe that he doesn't have elements of that in the bedroom

when he does go full top/dom/whatever u wanna call it, he's still quintessentially eddie. he'll tower over you, large, ringed hand around your throat as he gently praises you and rings orgasm and orgasm out of you until you forget your own name

he's also absolutely willing to give up control as well. he's an absolute slut for a cocky, confident partner and if you catch him in the right moment he will do literally anything you say

eddie somehow has an endless stamina. maybe it's his blatantly fucking undiagnosed adhd but his recovery period is actually impressive and he's ready and raring to go even after like four rounds jfc

he's also pretty much always horny i won't lie to u. he absolutely will not push it onto you but if you give even the most subtle hint that you're good to go then this man is pouncing on you

that means you've had sex in a lotta different places; the car, the shower, the throne in the d&d room, round the back of the theatre, in a cleaner's cupboard at starcourt mall...the list goes on

kink-wise, eddie is down to try anything at least once but from the get-go he actively encourages choking, marking and being tied up (for both of you)

position wise, his favourite is cow-girl and doggy but again he will try anything

after care !! he doesn't always have the supplies for it but you bet your fine ass his heart is in the right place

he'll probably grab the nearest shirt of his if there's no cloth but hell, it works. and sometimes the water he has on his nightstand is like two days old but water is water, right??

steve harrington

it's at least a little bit canon that steve used to pull a lot, so it's safe to say he has some experience both in a short term and long term sense

he is very average sized; six, maybe six & and a half inches, but he uses it fuckin well and it's curved super nice. trust.

a little hairy, but trimmed

steve harrington is a manscaper. u heard it hear first.

overall, he's very good !!

at the basics

missionary?? he's got it down. moaning encouragingly when you're sucking him off?? absolute king. fingering you?? mind blowing stuff

and good LORD he is obsessed with calling you "good girl/boy/etc" like he'll be ploughing into you and just repeating it over and over like a mantra

so essentially he's like mostly a top but it's not until he gets super comfortable in a relationship and you begin to communicate with him your likes & dislikes that it really and truly comes out

the signs were always there, mkay? it just takes the right encouragement and confidence and suddenly he's literally getting off on you giving him full control

it's definitely a trust thing. there's so much love in trusting this man and he feels it in his bones

so sex w steve is 50/50; sometimes it's kinky and rough and other times it's very slow and sensual

it'll be those times that he likes you to ride him. back against the headboard, you on his lap with one hand on his shoulder and one tangled in his hair so that he can press kisses to your lips and chest and collarbone

steve is very basic with his kinks: he was all like "omg no mine are so shameful" and then admit he's into choking and all you can do is laugh, not bc you're kink shaming him but because it's cute he thinks he has to be ashamed

so yeah, he loves to have a hand on your throat

one day he accidentally leaves scratch marks on your back and the next night he goes fuckin FERAL. and that's the story of how you discovered steve's marking kink

he loves car sex. it's cramped as hell because he's a lanky little shit but it's his favourite thing

his favourite position is missionary, as basic as it is, but if he's feeling a bit more rough he'll pull you into doggy and pound into you from behind

steve has a pretty good sex drive but after work he would literally rather cuddle than have sex

but then he also has days where he's pulling you into fuckin closets to fuck you because he has to have you there & then

he just loves to hold you straight after, arms wrapped tightly around you as he presses kisses to your bare skin

billy hargrove

billy is probably the most experienced out of all of them. he's got a new girl every other week (minimum) so his body count is pretty high i'm ngl

he's not fucking stupid about it though - he gets tested for shit regularly and uses protection

any sort of sex with billy would start casually

there would be no emotion but that does not mean he doesn't fuck your brains out

it's pretty much a silent agreement amongst us all that he is well above average in terms of length and width

(his hair is very fair down there so it doesn't need much work, but he does trim it)

and even though billy is ice cold, he very self-aware of his monster dong and will prepare you accordingly with his fingers until you're wet enough - probably actively encourages lube as well

that's pretty much the start and end of him being nice because everything else involves him pounding into you from behind, a hand either pulling your hair back or shoving your face into the pillow

if you can think of a degrading nickname i can guarantee that he's used it

billy's favourite sight is you on your knees in front of him

he leaves marks everywhere; bruises on your hips, hickeys on your neck, between your legs, literally everywhere

but you tell him to stop at any minute and 100% he will

aftercare in that stage of your relationship is pretty much non-existent. he'll ask if you're okay but then his jeans are on and he's out the door before you can even come back down from your high

NOW let's assume, by some freak of nature, you manage to make this man feel something for you

sex will be different after that. there will still be times when it's all of the above but there's a more giving side of him that you can unlock, like some freaky sex video game

he'll let you be on top for once, which is pretty much unheard of before; hands exploring all over your body - probably settling on your ass tbh - but occasionally tangling your fingers with his

billy will kiss you during as well which he never did before

he never spoke before either, but when you're more intimate he's using all kind of pet names

his go to "my girl/boy/etc" but also "sweetheart" and "angel"

there's aftercare as well!! mostly he just wants to hold you and be vulnerable for a second, but he'll also clean you up and sleep beside you

[unfoundhoney]

little blade ↠

↠ platonic!technoblade x fem!reader ; fluff

↠ masterlist

prior to mcc 4, no one really knew who you were

you started streaming in 2018 when you were about 14

(you’re around tommy & tubbo’s age for practical purposes)

you streamed for essentially no one for a while

you only got a few thousand followers on twitch in early 2020

mostly because you started posting highlights from your streams to youtube & tiktok

you established yourself as someone who’s soft & babie irl but completely merciless in-game

it’s very contradictory & very fun to watch

you could two-hit kill a two-person team in bed wars w/o a second thought then spend the next few minutes apologizing over & over again

you signed up to participate for the first 3 mccs but only got in for mcc 4

you were in the green guardians alongside petezahhutt, michaelmcchill, & vikkstar123

ngl

you were nervous

very nervous

but you buckled down & trained like crazy, w/ & w/o your teammates

soon mcc rolled around

you were just a little bundle of nerves

you couldn’t calm down for the life of you, poor thing :(

but you still compete absolutely beautifully

you sweep the competition & just do so so well

you score top 5 in every event

there’s this compilation of other people reacting to seeing your name pop up at the end of every game & just being like “who even is that they’re killing it”

you & the rest of the green guardians land first place after the 8 events

(yes i’m changing what actually happened deal with it)

so your team & the purple pandas compete in dodgebolt

here’s where you really shine

bc your signature play is a bow

you are a beast with a bow

you get out phil & techno first round but tommy gets you & the pandas end up winning

second round, your teammates get out quickly & it’s a 3v1 between you & the other team

you’re just like “ok here we fucking go come on”

wilbur’s gone

you go for techno (the biggest threat) next

you shoot him out & he’s just raging because “THIS CHILD I’VE NEVER HEARD OF IS BEATING ME AT MINECRAFT WHAT IS THIS”

then you land a shot on tommy

but phil gets you out right after

you’re all (´•̥ ᵔ •̥`) but your team is just hyping you up bc you did so well like wtf

(pete) y/n coming in with the carry!

(vik) let’s go y/n!!

(michael) don’t be sad, y/n; you did so well!

& everyone else is kind of just like “who tf is this child & why is she so doing so well???”

so purple pandas end up snatching first place overall

but second for your first mcc?

that’s poggers, dude

you’re just chilling trying to calm down after that intense dodgebolt game

(you) oh, hello yammy. guys, yammy’s clicking at me this is so cool i used to watch her videos-

(michael) Y/N!!!!

(you) yes?

(michael) you’re first individual!!

(you) .........you wot, mate

you run to go check individual

& there you are

y/nl/n_ with 4419 points, about 100 points more than technoblade

wait

more than-

more than TECHNOBLADE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PLACED ABOVE TECHNOBLADE???!?!!

THE TECHNOBLADE?

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD TECHNOBLADE????

BIG SCARY MAN TECHNOBLADE??????????

YOU GOT FIRST OVER T E C H N O B L A D E

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

you’re just staring up at yourself in shock then slowly turn to find technoblade already staring @ you

that’s fucking terrifying jfc

you hide behind a wall & hope he leaves

this is so cool & like wow you’re a god but also oh no you’re on scary man technoblade’s bad side

you get so many more viewers after mcc 4 it’s crazy

you really start popping off

it’s only about a week after mcc 4 when you finally have to face the consequences of your actions

@technothepig tweeted: @y/nl/n_ i demand satisfaction. duel me, coward.

what the FUCK

that’s TERRIFYING oh my god

YOU DON’T DO WELL WHEN THREATENED BY SCARY MEN ON THE INTERNET

@ph1lza replied: techno, don’t threaten young women on the internet.

@technothepig replied: i. demand. satisfaction.

@tommyinnit replied: i agree with techno. fight him, coward. @y/nl/n_

@ph1lza replied: please don’t encourage him

you plan things out & actually end up doing a rip-off 1v1 mcc

techno’s got the rest of the sbi spectating but you don’t really have any streamer friends so you just show up by yourself w/ no posse like:

hi o/

phil feels bad & hops on a call with you when the games start to keep you company

you win skyblockle by shooting techno off into the void

you win build mart as well

techno wins survival games

tgttos: techno wins

rocket spleef: you win

battle box: techno wins

hole in the wall: techno wins

parkour warrior: techno wins

dodgebolt: you win

normal dodgebolt rules don’t apply, so techno wins but barely

you’re a good sport about it; you have no qualms with losing to Technoblade

but after that, techno actually stays in contact with you

you become pretty good friends weirdly enough

he thinks you’re an impressive player & you’ve got this innocent, blunt sense of humor that can just make techno lose it

you are the ultimate “looks like they could kill you, would kill you,” “looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll but would still kill you” duo

y’all are an iconic duo in no time as you two stream together

you leave no survivors when playing sky wars

viewers can’t help but feel sorry for those who go up against you honestly :(

people start calling you “little blade” （｡>‿‿<｡ ）

words cannot describe how much you love that nickname

at first techno was like “that’s cringe” but then he started calling you it ironically & we all know where that leads

uh huh

he calls you little blade unironically now mf uwu

mans is soft for you (& philza) only

it’s well into the smp timeline when you join the dream smp

like, you joined just after the manberg-pogtopia war

techno’s off living in the snowy biome & you join like

hi! o/

you see techno’s on when you first join & want to go find him, but you’re kind of forced into a tour of the server by quackity & karl

quackity’s being himself & karl’s trying to contain him and failing

good content good content

you’re being shown around l’manberg when technoblade shows up out of nowhere, kills quackity & karl, threatens that he’ll canonically kill them if they try to make you join l’manberg, & tells you to come with him

so you do

he takes you to his new base & says you can build a house near his

he even helps you build

the favoritism is strong with this one

everyone knows you’re his favorite

even techno consciously knows you’re his favorite

but he would die before admitting it

not really

in his own streams he’s mentioned how great you are

(techno) y/n is... she’s seriously so great. she’s an awesome friend. she checks up on me & reminds me to take care of myself. she’s seriously-... she just messaged me on discord. oh god, is she watching this?

n/n sent: hey! i’m in class rn but make sure to drink water during your stream <3

(techno) ...is this god telling me to be a better person? .......no one clip any part of this. no one tell her i said any of this. pretend it never happened

in the lore, you always have techno’s back

his reasoning- if a little extreme- is always sound

you & phil are like the only people to not just use him omfg you three make the fans wanna cry ｡･ﾟﾟ･(థ Д థ。)･ﾟﾟ･｡

the butcher army tries to kidnap you & use you as bait to trap & kill techno

but you kill half of them & escape the rest & run off to warn techno

you & dream end up helping him escape & off you went back home

when tommy showed up during his exile, techno was just constantly comparing how nice you are to how annoying & inconvenient tommy is

top tier comedy

(techno) i adopted one child who set the bar too high & now no one will ever live up to the expectations y/n has set- TOMMY STOP EATING MY GAPPLES

you don’t go with techno & tommy when they sneak into l’manberg for the festival

you do however, show up out of nowhere to have techno’s back when tommy goes back to tubbo

what a fucking legend you are

loyalty like you would not believe we love to see it

the next day, you, techno, dream, & phil lay waste to l’manberg

after doomsday you really haven’t done much lore-wise beyond being a good concerned friend for ranboo

(btw you’re good friends w/ ranboo; you, tubbo, & ranboo are a *chef’s kisses* trio)

all in all

technoblade is your big brother

you two are honestly best friends & get along really well

people love your two’s relationship because you seem like polar opposites but get along really well

a wholesome friendship

more ↠

part two