#just unblocked her on shit lol
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#just unblocked her on shit lol#idec at this point#i dont care if she stalks me or if i see her with someone else i just. dont care 😂#laughing face isnt meant to be petty#im just really happy today and im realizing shit like that doesnt matter lmaoooo#its duckworth. babeeeeyy#god i love kendrick#this man is a legend
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just accidentally found out my ex is telling people i hated her for having undiagnosed bpd, mfker i hated you cause you cheated on me 4 times and faked liking me so you could use my dads credit card to make online purchases
#you cant make this shit up#i always feel bad for having ppl blocked but i feel too awkward to have our paths meet online#but tbh this helped me not feel bad abt it now since clearly its not just in my head that she feels some type of way abt it#cause ive been considering unblocking cause 'ah its in the past she probably doesnt remember i exist anymore' but i guess not#shrug#idk if i should feel bad for her current gf or not cause like idk if shes even aware shes dating a serial cheater (not just on me lol)#oh well she probably hates my ass as well#i was looking at my blocklist n reconsidering it but now i think ill just let it stay as it is who gives a shit#yapping#anyway point is ppl will lie about the past to both themselves and to other ppl#and i need not stress about that#but also i need to stop going through my blocklist like “waaah im so mean to block people maybe i should unblock....”
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Hey. I have an idea for pedro and reader
The reader's ex calls her in the middle of the night begging her back to him and the reader gets out the bedroom trying not to wake pedro up and avoid any fight but he wakes up and gets jealous and angry
Jealous Pedro is my own personal curse lol, I genuinely don’t get why you like him. But for you? Anything babes. Also, happy ending won in the poll, but thanks to an anon I've decided to write both endings bc I'm an asshole
warnings: jealousy, angst
Pt.2
Oh fuck please not again.
Your phone buzzed on the nightstand, and you didn’t even need to look at the caller to know who it was.
Only one person would call you at 4:45 am. the same one that had been flooding you with texts and calls for a week now.
You had been ignoring him, telling yourself that “It’s just a phase” and “it’ll pass”, but god, had you been wrong.
You and Jason had broken up two years ago now, and casually, just when you had finally made your relationship with Pedro public, he felt the need to connect with you again.
That's not how Jason had always been, he was once caring and fun and everything you needed... until he wasn't.
He hadn't taken your breaking up with him well, and you tried to be understanding of it, god knows you had been in the same position too once or twice, your heart broken, your mind confused- but then when after two months he'd still call you crying, you decided to give him a little tough love by texting him something that could be summarized in "I know you're hurt but this is getting kind of ridiculous at this point" and by blocking him.
Somewhere after that, for some godforsaken reason, you had decided to unblock him, and to really show off your decision-making skills, you even answered the phone when he had called you last week, finding him in tears, begging for a second chance.
If you were anyone to judge, this call wasn't gonna be much different, but this story had to end at one point, and as you got up from the bed, sneaking out of the room as Pedro breathed soft snores into the air, you decided the time had come.
"Jason?" you whispered, tiptoeing to the living room.
"baby? Oh my god it's really you, I've been trying to call you"
"yeah I saw" you stated, not short of sarcasm
"Oh t-that's ok, you were busy I jus-"
"no Jason I wasn't busy, this is inappropriate"
"Wha-what are you talking about baby, I love you"
there went the tears again
"Jason I'm sorry alright, but I don't, I have a boyfriend, I'm happy"
"no you don't understand babe I can't live without you, I love you more than life y/n, more than anything... I- I need you"
"Jason we broke up a long time ago. It's over. It has been for a while now"
"you don't mean that baby, we love each other, remember how good we were together? I know you do"
"stop calling me baby and stop calling me in general Jason. I don't love you and I don't want to get back together" Your voice raised to a whispery-yell as you got more frustrated.
"Why are you whispering- Is he there? Let me talk to him"
"why would I do that? What would you even want to tell him?"
"I'm sure I can make him understand, man to man y'konw-"
"oh shut up" you rolled your eyes "Jason stop calling me"
"but bab-"
"No. No buts, it's over. we're never getting back together. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to sleep, and I suggest you do the same"
"y/n please- I love you, I need you I-"
"goodnight Jason. Don't call me again" You didn't give him time to finish as you hung up, throwing your phone on the couch and closing your eyes as you took a very well-deserved deep breath.
Fuck this shit man.
"Who was it?"
You jumped on your feet, a shiver of fear running down your spine as you turned towards the ominous voice.
"Pedro-" you sighed, taking in his sleep-filled expression.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" he apologized, with a soft chuckle "Who were you talking to?"
shit
"uh- don't worry, it was no one"
"I don't think it was no one if you got up at 4 in the morning to answer, did something happen?"
"no-no nothing like that, it's stupid, don't worry"
He frowned as he studied your expression, clearly confused at your secrecy.
"Who was it?"
Your eyes focused behind him at the glimpse of your room the opened door granted.
Everything was fine just 10 minutes ago...
"It was Jason"
Pedro paused a moment, taken aback by your answer
"Jason as in your ex-boyfriend Jason?" he asked "And why exactly was Jason calling you in the middle of the night?"
"it's not what you think"
This was why you didn't want him to know.
He had a history with unfaithfulness, the woman before you had cheated on him multiple times and left him hurt and bruised, and it was hard for him to fully trust you - or anyone for that matter- after that.
you didn't want him to close off again, you trusted each other, and you feared this would have given him a reason to get back to old habits.
"It's not? 'cause it sure looks like it"
"no, let me explain-" you got closer to him.
"I'm so fucking stupid" he huffed, not listening to you
"no you're not, just-listen to me" you said, putting a hand on his chest in an attempt to calm him down
He watched you, hurt and anger in his eyes, but he took a breath, nodding as he grumbled a "fine"
"He's been calling me for a while-"
"is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Baby, let me talk" you reminded him, and he gave you another non-enthusiastic nod "He's been calling me since I made our relationship public, saying that he wants to get back with me and that he loves me..." you paused, glancing at the way he tightened his fists by his side "and I've been ignoring him because-" your lips turned into a soft smile as you reached for his hand "...well because I've got you, and I don't want anybody else in the world except you"
You intertwined your fingers with his and brought his hand up to your mouth to leave a quick kiss on it.
"and the only reason why I answered tonight is because I was sick of it, and I wanted to tell him once and for all that we're done because I love you, and only you Pedro" You stood on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek "I promise"
You saw the way your words affected him.
And as much as he tried to fight it, you were always the only one able to calm him down, even when his worst fear came to life. Because he loved you, but most importantly... he trusted you.
"are you telling the truth?" he finally asked, as if in his mind he wasn't praying for you to be doing just that.
He didn't want to lose you, he couldn't.
"I am baby. I swear"
His eyes left yours for a second as he took a deep breath
"why didn't you tell me? I would have done something, I would have gone have a talk with that asshole"
You let out a small laugh
"yeah, a talk" you teased, raising your eyebrows "And besides it didn't matter, it was just a stupid thing not worth your time"
he took your other hand in his, shaking his head
"if he, or anybody else, does this again you tell me, ok?"
As much as you wanted to joke about how many crazy exes he believed you had, you decided this wasn't the time.
"ok" you smiled "I promise"
"good" he nodded, bending down to ghost your lips "Now let's go to bed so I can remind you of a few things I'm sure I'm better at than Jason"
__ __ __
or... (angst with no happy ending)
__ __ __
"It's not what you think"
"It's not? 'cause it sure looks like it"
"It was just a phone call Pedro, just let me explain"
"A phone call with your ex-boyfriend"
"yes, exactly my ex-boyfriend"
"This is unbelievable," he huffed, passing a hand through his hair in a frustrated gesture "I fucking trusted you. You made me trust you, and then... then you go screw that fucking asshole behind my back"
"I'm not screwing anybody"
"sure you aren't" he turned to walk away, but you grabbed his arm.
"Listen to me"
"To what? more lies?" he snapped
"No Pedro I can explain if you just let me talk"
"I don't need an explanation, I know exactly what's going on, just- leave me, I'll go"
"Just like that?" you questioned "You don't even wanna hear me out for a second? You so easily lose all the trust you had in me?"
"Can you blame me?"
"This is ridiculous, I've answered the phone to tell him to stop calling, that's the only reason why! I'm not cheating on you" you spoke, your tone getting louder "And the fact that you came to that conclusion so quickly is fucking insulting"
"right" he snickered "so you answered the phone at four in the morning to tell him to stop calling, very believable y/n" he shook his head "and to think you're a fucking actress"
"fuck you Pedro" you spat out "You know what? I deserve someone who trusts me, who lets me fucking speak and explain myself, not someone who at the first mistake throws me out like trash"
"And I deserve someone who's not a cheater. Guess we both deserve better"
"I guess we do"
#Alexa play we’re never getting back together by Taylor Swift#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x actress!reader#pedro pascal x fem reader#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal fluff#pedro pascal x female reader#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller#the last of us#tlou#the mandalorian#javier peña#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x y/n#pedro pascal smut#fluff#daddy pascal#pedro pascal blurb#pedro pascal imagine#pedrohub#Pedro Pascal#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pedrito#pedro pascal one shot#Jelous!pedro pascal#jealous! Pedro pascal
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BREAKING POINT -
[ ot7 x reader ]
this is like super short pls forgive me tan twitter tl for context
tan on twitter!!!
8 participants - 8 online
———————————
tae: yoongi pls unblock me on twitter
yoongi: kill yourself
tae: i tried guys why doesn’t he love me 💔
y/n: that was a pathetic try
tae: guess what
y/n: what?
tae: ligma man..
y/n: ligma??
jimin: no way 😭
jk: baby…
namjoon: really
y/n: WHAT???
jin: i’m with her
wtf you guys on about??
hobi: this is a sad day
tae: LIGMA FUCKING BALLS BITCH
y/n: drown
jimin: ur fault tbh
hobi: real
y/n: leave me alone
jin: look you made her upset idiots
y/n: IM NOT UPSET
hobi: cheer up baby ❤️
namjoon: it’s okay tae upsets me all the time
y/n: im fine
hobi: bts song
jk: i know bts
tae: me 2
y/n: i want to stab you with a pencil
tae: watch out namjoon
namjoon: she is definitely talking to you
tae: proof?
hobi: bts?
jimin: i’m gonna bts outta you shut the fuck up
hobi: aw man :/
jk: bts?
jin: beat the shit
tae: beat MY shit
jk: woah
yoongi: he actually needs to kill himself wow
tae: @y/n u 2
y/n: LEAVE ME ALONE
jimin: she’s mad
y/n: I’M NOT MAD
jin: y/n are you still with that scoups guy?
namjoon: didn’t we just find out they we’re together like a week ago?
jk: WE DID????
jin: she moves on fast tho so idk
y/n: NO I DONT????
jimin: yoongi mingyu jk scoups mark wonho minho san all of us
there’s more hold on i’m thinking
hobi: all of us?
jk: say sike…
y/n: ARE YOU FUCKING SICK???????
jin: woah major slut alertttttt
namjoon: shut up
y/n: ONLY LIKE 4 OF THOSE NAMES ARE RIGHT
jk: what
y/n: AND IVE ONLY FUCKED 2 OF THEM SO KILL YOURSELF LEAVE ME ALONE
yoongi: she’s a grown woman
y/n: RIGHT
sorry i’m hot as fuck and pull bitches it’s not my fault
jin: u mid
y/n: ur 30
jin: ok please leave me alone i’m sorry
tae: my body count is also 2
jimin: -2
tae: ummmm?
jk: i’ve killed no one
i could of but don’t worry
namjoon: ??
hobi: fyi she did not deny being with scoups
jimin: TRUE
jk: NO
y/n: i deny it
jimin: too late we know
jin: SLUT
sorry
pls i’m sorry i didn’t mean it pls don’t be mean to me
please oh my god i’m sorry it slipped out
love u
please
y/n: THIS IS NOT FEMINISM
namjoon: it’s okay if ur with him
jk: NO ITS NOT STOP SAYING THAT WHATS UR FUCKING ISSUE STUPID STUPID STUPID
y/n: IM NOT
tae: who have you fucked
yoongi: are you stupid?
tae: no i’m curious
hobi: OH IM CURIOUS YEAH
wow i love shinee
y/n can you please start talking to minho again and then get married to him so i can be at his wedding and we can be forever connected
jk: SHUT UR MOUTH
y/n: you guys know so much about my relationship life it actually makes me want to throw up
jimin: ur easy to stalk
hobi: she’s fucked jk and yoongi
tae: and me
jin: in dreams doesn’t count
yoongi: lol
tae: LOL AWAY FROM ME YOU NASTY BITCH
U THINK UR WINNING BUT UR FUCKING NOT
WHEN ME AND Y/N GET MARRIED IT WILL BE ME KIM TAEHYUNG WHO LOLS IN UR FUCKING FACE
YOU RAT
yoongi: L
tae: no
yoongi: O
tae: YOU FUCKING STOP RIGJT NOW MIN YOONGI
yoongi: L
tae: 6pm seoul south korea apartment block C floor 7 door number 279 a ak47 a man a mask and a fucking dream
namjoon: wow ok that’s great!!
nice vogue shoot btw jungkook!
jk: I WILL NOT FUCK U GO AWAY
namjoon: oh my fucking god
hobi: scottish pride!!
jimin: ???
hobi: was he not wearing a kilt?
jimin: a what?
hobi: killing myself
jin: why they put you in that dirty ass bathroom omg?
tae: dirty shoot for a dirty man
jin: ?
tae: what?
jin: just a bit crazy coming from u
y/n: tae you need to shower
tae: you in love
ha
fucking bitch
jin: do you fuck her or fight her damn?
jimin: right he’s pissing me off
tae: can you leave me alone i’m going through a lot rn
jk: dick
tae: ??
jk: a lot of dick
yoongi: lmao
namjoon: he likes men?
hobi: ewwwwwwwwwwww
jimin: homophobia?????????
jk: yes so he’s going through them
cuz he does not like y/n
yoongi: you say this like every 2 weeks
jk: because it is true
y/n: thank god
jk: no thank men
hobi: thx men
jin: so it’s not jimin?
jimin: what??
tae: i’ve never touched another man let alone sleep with one
hobi: amen
y/n: now that is just not true
namjoon: who cares
tae: I DO
hobi: no one will ever say those words to you
jin: i will
tae: fr 🥲?
jin: LOL
tae: ok kys
and fuck that bitch y/n
yoongi: have
tae left “tan on twitter”
hobi: cuteness overload ^_^
y/n: what crawled up his ass today tf
jk: hi do you need me do you want me do you love me
namjoon: can we just talk about life or like
jin: let me guess trees?
jimin: weed?
jk: OH MY GOD NAMJOON WANTS TO TALK ABOUT WEED
hobi: life is a downward spiral noting matters we are all slowly dying the government hates us money is worthless drugs are all around our water is running out
jk: where is it running out of
let’s catch it
y/n: tae was being super weird right?
hobi: super shy
namjoom: what’s new
hobi: new hair
namjoon: stop
hobi: forgive me master
namjoon: i’m at my breaking point
jimin: breaking bad
jin: drugs?
jimin: it all links back to namjoon…
jk: omgggggg namjoon is this true……..
namjoon: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE
—-
pls lmk if you like the twitter concept idk if i’m feeling her yet but if you guys are i will do more idk trying to be different 🙈
#bts crack#bts fanfic#bts fluff#bts imagines#bts fic#bts text#bts x reader#bts x y/n#bts x you#namjoon x reader#jin x reader#yoongi x reader#hoseok x reader#jimin x reader#taehyung x reader#jungkook x reader#bts texts#rm x reader#suga x reader#v x reader#jhope x reader#hobi x reader#bts fake chats#bts incorrect texts
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Fuck it. Opera dashboard simulator
🐲 fafner Follow
hey whichever one of you left a tenor with a sword outside my lair can you come get him like i guess he's kind of fun to watch on the doorbell cam but he won't shut the fuck up
#i did not kill my brother and morph into a dragon to deal with this shit man
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🦉 troubadoursma Follow
I need to vent to you guys about something that happened to me sorry
(warning: child kidnapping/death, burning, etc)
Read more
🍭 rosinethegingerbreadwitch Follow
You know you can use roasted baby in a lot of really good recipes if you want to salvage the situation
🦉 troubadoursma Follow
What the fuck
111 notes
🦜 dervogel-fanger Follow
i think i'm getting desperate lol are any of my mutuals single and fem-identifying and down for a committed relationship? if your special interest is birds too that's a big plus. dm me if interested
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🌞 suntemple-official Follow
I'm gonna be real we've been kind of hatefollowing that vogelfanger acct for a while and we're losing it over his recent posts... 'are any of my mutuals single' DO YOU HEAR YOURSELFFF - Mod S
🌌 star-blazing-queen Follow
(unblocking you just to talk about this sorry) FOR REAL i get commissions from him so i have to follow him but he's so fucking annoying like just die already dude please
🌞 suntemple-official Follow
No offense I thought you were the worst user on this site but then I saw him and thought Actually no she's not that bad - Mod S
🦜 dervogel-fanger Follow
.
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🛡️ herodsoldier54 Follow
the one day i skip work and its the day our boss's stepdaughter went insane stripped for him and then made out with a decapitated head in front of everybody 😭😭😭😭
#my coworkers had to kill her and everything?????
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��� la-tosca Follow
RUNNING FROM THE COPS WITH MY HOT PAINTER BOYFRIEND AMA
🌺 la-tosca Follow
THEY FUCKING KILLED HIM
🌺 la-tosca Follow
GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL SC*RPIA AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE LOL????? SEE YOU GUYS IN LIKE 15 MIN I THINK
#PRETTY SURE THEY HAVE WIFI THERE. I THINK #ALSO HOW PAINFUL IS JUMPING OFF A BUILDING. RESPOND FAST PLEASE
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🏵️ deverteallure Follow
The legal system here is so shit I'm gonna have to hire my fucking ex to be my lawyer. Fucking hate living in Seville man
#marcy speaks #also my ex really hates the defendant which i guess is really funny #for some reason they kind of look a little alike??? if you squint
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🦢 lohengrin Follow
kids these days dont know anything about online safety
🎇 wotanswilddaughter Follow
Bro isnt your url just your real name
🦢 lohengrin Follow
You didnt see that .
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💃 lahabanera Follow
Here can you guys fill this out for me stat
847 notes
🌊 sentaaaaa Follow
I want that ghost man carnally
48 notes
🐇 ilcatalogoilquesto Follow
So fucking tired of my terrible boss/roommate/crush maybe?/abuser hes being so fucking annoying rn. Wish i didnt have to deal with him
🐇 ilcatalogoilquesto Follow
Nvm
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Wicked Fantasies Part 10 (MBJx Black OC)
A/N: sooooo this is just nonstop angst. Hence the gif selection and I am sorry lol we get into some tough shit. So warnings include: severe depression and negative self talk, harassment, etc. But as always enjoy! And remember… I’m a HEA girlie through and through ☺️
Hell on Earth was the only appropriate descriptor for the last 24 hours of Raven’s life. Trapped in her apartment due to the spectacle of paparazzi camped outside her building, her only activity was laying in bed unmoving hour after hour in the fetal position. She was grateful to Melody for taking her shift, she did not know if she would have been able to find the strength to get up to go anyway.
Raven tried her best to avoid social media but laying in her bed staring at the ceiling did not provide much distraction from the agony that coursed through her. This hurt eclipsed any pain from a physical wound that she had ever felt. It was paralyzing. And scrolling, even if she had to wade through stories and commentary on her own life as if she were a fictional character from the world’s latest Netflix obsession, offered some reprieve from thinking about him.
He consumed her every thought despite wanting nothing more than to rid her brain of him. But his claws were in too deep and even blocking his number had not offered relief when the only thing she wanted was to seek comfort from him. Her heart ached for him as if it would never be right again without his presence, his touch. But her brain would not allow her to call him or even unblock him. He was the curse, the disease… she certainly would find no cure in him.
The negative orator in her head called him a liar, reminded her that she did not deserve him and he knew it, which was why this all happened in the first place. So she stayed in her small ball in the corner of her bed fighting the urge to call him or break down into sobs again.
Her roommate checked on her every couple of hours and that was the sum of her human interaction since she left Michael’s house. She did not want to see or talk to anyone. So she didn’t. Her phone remained on DND, every call and text going unanswered. She knew she only had a few more days of this. The library had taken her off the schedule for a week, citing a need to figure out how to deal with the safety concerns this situation brought. But Raven knew the truth, the only available solution would be to let her go. Another job down the drain because of her terrible choices, because the only setting she seemed to know was self destruction.
That was all she knew how to do it… ruin her own life and the lives of everyone around her. She did not even speak to her family anymore and still knew, from her sister’s nonstop texts and calls that she didn’t respond to or answer, that even they were feeling the burn of her choices. Of course, Kiara was not wasting the opportunity to snag herself another 15 minutes of fame but she did not say anything worse than what Raven had already seen from strangers or did not already believe about herself.
Tears sprang to her eyes as thought about her own role in every bad turn and mistake her life had taken that led to this moment. She could blame Michael and her family but perhaps it was finally time to own that they were all right: it was her. She was the problem.
She chose to sell her body, even when she was in college as a dancer, to make a quick buck. She chose to do the same as an adult, she chose to enter into Michael’s ring of lies and she let him play as the fool. She could hate him but that meant she would also have to hate herself.
And acknowledging her hate for him was far less excruciating than examining how she brought this collapsing building right down on herself.
***
“What happened?”
“Damn, nigga. Can I get through the front door first or get a hello?”
Michael let out an impatient sigh and shifted out of the way so Alex could walk into his foyer. He had been a nervous wreck since she called an hour prior asking if she could swing by the house to talk. He had deleted social media from his phone so he did not have to see the vitriol being hurled at Raven. He did not care what people said about him but Alex literally had to stand over his shoulder and watch him delete every app to stop him from responding to every disgusting comment he read about her.
While his plan may have worked in popular media outlets and with sensible people online, he severely underestimated the contingent of very loud incels and pick-mes who would blame Raven regardless of how the story was presented to them.
“My bad. Hey. What happened?” he asked again, his tone signaling that he was not in the mood for Alex’s signature attitude. He needed answers and he needed them now. He would have time for pleasantries again and everything else when Raven forgave him. Or even just answered his phone calls and texts.
Michael gestured for Alex to follow him to the kitchen where he had been helping his mom and dad cook dinner. Or rather helping in between wearing a hole in his floor due to his incessant pacing and complaining about when Alex would arrive.
“I”m not gonna show you unless you calm the fuck down.” One side glance from his mother had Alex cringing at herself. “Sorry, Ms. Donna.”
The older woman merely nodded as she returned to her task of chopping vegetables.
“Well, I’ll start with the good news. I checked in on all your endorsements and deals and they said as long as this situation doesn’t evolve any further, they have no interest in dropping you. People still love you for some reason. And it’s been a week, so if old… partners were going to come out, they would’ve. All our Creed 3 press is still set but I had to do some rearranging now that the Oscars are set for the second weekend in March. So you’re going to Mexico City this weekend to get a head start. And we still have your interview slate for the Oscars set. You’re in for a busy six weeks… I know what’s going on with Raven is a lot but I need your head in the game, Mike. Seriously.”
“Alex! I don’t give a fuck about an interview schedule. What did you hear about Raven?”
“You know it’s literally my job to manage your career, not your continuously screwed up love life, right? Sometimes I worry you have it confused. But yes, I do have news on Raven too. Which is mostly… well all bad news. Most of the conversation has moved on. People are still attacking her on social but that’s not all that surprising. Vultures are still circling her apartment, not as many but a couple every day. Today was the first day she left the house in a week to go back to work. But… she got fired.”
Michael paused his pacing in shock. He knew how much that job, however she came to need it, meant to Raven. It had been a refuge during one of the most painful times in her life and his actions had stolen that from her.
“WHAT?”
Alex scoffed. “I told you our plan wouldn’t be without consequences, Mike. It just had the least amount of them. You can’t be surprised. She worked at a public library with kids and the entire world found out she was a prostitute. She was probably an at-will employee so they don’t even need a reason to fire her. But paparazzi surrounding her job every day and idiots calling to campaign to get her fired is more than enough for most places. But that’s not… that’s not the worst part.” Alex’s stiletto tipped nails tapped against her screen a few times before she tossed it down on the kitchen island. “A contact at TMZ sent me a video a couple hours ago. They aren’t gonna post it,” she assured him. “But there were plenty of cameras so someone else might. Just forwarded it to you.”
Michael moved quickly to open his email, his body equally wrestling between wanting to see whatever this was and being afraid to. But he knew he did not have a choice. He took a deep breath to steady himself as he pressed play on the video. The TMZ reporter had their camera trained on Raven as she tried to fight her way out of the back exit to her car in the parking lot. It was from earlier today, Michael realizing that she must have gone into her shift only to be let go. However, she was not simply fighting through a sea of flashing lights and insensitive questions. There was also a small group of men hurling insults at her as she fought through the crowd.
“I guess niggas really don’t be having jobs cause who has the time to post outside of someone else’s job to harass them?” Alex muttered to no one in particular as Michael’s attention and focus remained trained on the video.
The words of everyone else in the video were just static to him because his eyes and attention were squarely set on Raven. His soul felt as if it was splintering into millions of pieces as he watched her. Despite the meticulous makeup painted and her stoic poker face, Michael could still see the sorrow and exhaustion in her eyes. He had seen such a look in her eyes before and it hurt then, but now it was somehow worse. A fatal wound because this time, it was his fault. He would not need a video for that look to haunt him for the rest of his life.
He continued watching despite wanting nothing more than to get in his car and race to her apartment. The video was chaotic as the cameraman tried to keep up with the mob of cameras and people and keep the focus on the woman at the center of the storm. Michael did not understand what happened when Raven suddenly stopped moving, her poker face gone as one of pure terror took over.
Michael’s eyes frantically searched the frame of the video for what changed, even pausing it for a moment, until he noticed a hand wrapped tightly around her upper arm. He watched as she frantically pulled against the force of the person but their grip was too tight. And he could hear the whimper of pain in her words as she begged him to let her go.
The altercation did not last long when one of the cameramen was able to break the man’s grip on her and Raven scurried off to her car, her eyes brimming with tears.
Michael forced his phone to go to sleep as he squeezed it in his fist. Michael usually existed at an emotional equilibrium but his rage felt all consuming. Is this what seeing red felt like? When your anger was so blinding, you could not see or think of anything that did not fuel that fire? The entire internet had become Inspector gadget to find Raven’s job and address to harass her but would they do the same for that guy? Someone who tried to do her harm? Michael merely wanted five minutes alone with him to exercise all that rage at someone who deserved it.
He did not say a word as he marched past Alex and out of his kitchen to the foyer where he kept his car keys and wallet. He grabbed both and angrily stomped out to the garage, his thoughts set on nothing other than seeing Raven. Even if he was only able to lay his eyes on her for a moment, he needed to see her. In the flesh.
“Michael! Mike! Stop! Stop!!” Alex raced after him, quickly catching up with him despite her high heels. Her hand grabbed the door of his car before he could fully climb in. “Where are you going?”
“To Raven’s.”
Alex’s arm jerked the car door away from him as he tried to pull it closed. “You need to give her time. You’re probably not the nigga she wants to see at her door right now. And… there are still cameras around her house. You don’t need -”
“You think I give a fuck about someone seein’ me go there?? Get outta my fuckin’ way, Alex. Now.” His voice lost its usual kind tone as he glared at her, his barely contained rage seeping out into the garage around them like thick smoke.
Alex’s grip loosened but she did not acquiesce fully. “At least let me come with you.”
Their standoff continued for mere seconds before he caved and gave her a few moments to get into the passenger’s seat. If allowing her to go with him was the only way to see his girl then he would let her ride along. But she would not be able to stop him from doing a damn thing, he knew that much.
They did not speak as he raced through LA to get to Raven’s apartment. He did not wait for Alex to get out or say anything as he walked into her building and made a beeline for the elevator. Before he knew it, he was banging on her door like the police had shown up.
“Ok calm down, we don’t need the whole damn floor filming this for that damn clock app,” Alex grumbled, Michael essentially ignoring her as he continued banging until the door flung open.
Her roommate stood there, a confused look on her face for a moment, before she glanced over her shoulder in the direction of Raven’s closed door.
“I need to see her.”
“I don’t think she’s up for visitors,” the young woman responded, her tone leaving little room for arguments. She tried to close the door but Michael stuck his foot in the doorway and stopped her.
“She doesn’t have to talk to me but I need to see her. Let me in.” Michael knew he had no right to demand entry into someone else’s home but he was at a loss, his hands were tied.
“What he means to say,” Alex stepped forward, pulling Michael back slightly, “is that he just wants to see she is ok after today with his own eyes. And then we’ll leave, I promise. Two minutes, that’s all we want. Please?”
“I’m not gonna force her to see you. You can wait here while I ask.”
She left them at the doorway to show themselves inside as she went to knock on Raven’s door.
“Raven? Can you come out here?”
He heard shuffling from behind her closed door before it cracked open. He could not see her but he could hear her voice, small and broken. A sound he never wanted to hear again. He was supposed to be the solution to her pain, not the cause of it.
“I d-don’t want to see him.”
“I just need a minute, Rae!” Michael did not wait for the invitation as he walked up to her door and gestured for her roommate to move out of his way. “Just let me see you… please.”
Raven leaned her head against the door frame as she debated whether to comply. Something in her demanded that she slam the door in his face. But her first on her doorknob merely shook as if she could not force herself to do it, her limbs refusing to obey her brain’s orders. She did not want to see him.
Whatever bandage she was using to stop the bleeding of this wound was immediately ripped off and her hurt flowed once again like blood at his mere presence. She could not even look at him, or rather was afraid to. Afraid that if she looked into those eyes, she would believe whatever sad tale of love and care he brought to spin for her this time. She could not fall for that again. With him or anyone else. And yet, her body still wanted to run to him and jump into his arms, bury her nose into the nape of his neck and breathe in him. His signature cologne, his natural musk that had grown to represent a sanctuary for her.
She forced herself behind the ice walls she had spent a week building. She was too weak to survive without them. Those barriers and their harshness were the only thing that had dragged her out of bed to go to her shift, which lasted a total of an hour before she was fired. She was not surprised but preparation had not made it an easier experience. She had been proud of herself for holding it together, walking out with her head held high. That is, until the utter debacle outside the library.
Michael had always been the one who the barriers came down for. But now, his presence made them grow higher and higher as if to protect David from Goliath.
She stepped back and opened the door just enough for her face to be seen. She did not look at him though, keeping her eyes trained on the wall behind him.
“What? The paparazzi videos aren’t enough? Need to see your destruction in person? There, you’ve seen me. Now get out.”
Her voice was cold, colder than he ever knew her to be toward anyone much less him. It was being stabbed in the chest and having the knife twisted for effect. Made all the worse by the fact that she could not even look him in the eye.
“Rae… baby girl, please. I just want to make sure you are alright after today… between the library and that guy. Just want to make sure you aren’t hurt.”
A mere week ago, Raven would have melted like a childish lovesick school girl at “baby girl,” at his care and devotion to her. But today, her heart had to remain cold for her own preservation, safely tucked behind the ice walls she erected.
“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that. And it’s not the first job I’ve lost, I’ll survive. Whether or not I’m hurt or employed shouldn’t matter to you. You made it clear you don’t care.”
“It does matter to me. You matter to me. Did he hurt you?”
“Bruises heal… This one will too. It’s the other wounds I’m not sure about,” she muttered, more to herself than him. “You want me to read you some of my DMs? Compared to what they all say they want to do to me, I got off easy with a bruise. So now you know. I don’t want to repeat myself again. Get. Out.”
“I’ll do anything, Rae. Just talk to me, hear me out. I didn’t mean for this o-or any of this to happen like this. Let me fix this. Or at least let me protect you.”
She shook her head, refusing to listen to a word he had to say. In one ear and out the other. It was all lies. “No. You can’t fix this. I don’t want your words, your lies, your apologies, or your protection. I don’t want anything from you ever again. You wanted me out of your life just like everyone else I know so you got your wish. Come back here again and I’ll call the police.”
And with that, she slammed her door in his face, leaving him standing awkwardly in the living room with Alex and her roommate. He simply stood there like a statue, mouth agape with his apologies on the tip of his tongue, staring at her closed door for a few moments.
“You heard her. You should go.”
With her roommate’s echo, Michael forced his legs to move. However, before he could get far, he stopped and grabbed a spare piece of paper and pen that was left discarded on their counter. He jotted down his number and pushed it into her hand.
“Tiffany, right?” At her nod, he continued. “I’ll give her space cause that’s what she wants. But anythin’ happens like today again, call me. Please.”
The young woman eyed him intently and stowed the paper away in her pocket before Michael walked out of the door with Alex in tow. As they stepped into the elevator of her building, Michael unleashed his pent-up frustration by punching a hole into the side of the elevator, an action that only caused a rippling pain to shoot up from his knuckles.
“Well that was decidedly stupid. You’re gonna have to get that looked at.” Alex shook her head. “She’s not ready yet, Mike. And for once, you’re not in control of how this goes. She needs time. Give it to her. But she’s ok today, that’s all that matters.”
Michael’s unbruised hand massaged his knuckles as they walked to his car. He sat in his seat silently for a few moments.
“You think she’s still in danger?”
“I think people on the internet often forget the people they’re attacking are real people. Most of this will stay online and be fine but we can’t predict the people who’ll do what that guy did today and take it to the real world. There’s just… no way of knowing.”
Michael sighed and nodded. “Get me a list of bodyguards. Vetted. She doesn’t want to see me, fine. But she’s gonna get protection whether she likes it or not.”
“You can’t force her to have a bodyguard.”
“You got me in Mexico City, Paris, London, New York, and Miami for the next month. You think I’m steppin’ on a damn plane with niggas tryin’ to attack her? Get me the fuckin’ list.”
“I know shit is fucked right now, Michael, but you can’t stop working just because your girlfriend is mad at you.”
“I don’t care about work right now, Alex!”
“Maybe you should! Maybe I shouldn’t be the only one holding your fucking career and reputation together while you spend all your energy making bad decision after fucking bad decision.”
Michael’s entire body whipped around to face the passenger seat, the anger he had pushed down beneath the surface already bubbling to the top. He was a powder keg and unfortunately, Alex was the spark.
“Oh so all of this is my fault?? Tasha fuckin-”
She threw her hands up in the air. “Stop blaming Tasha! She’s trash, she fuckin’ sucks and backed you into a corner but it’s not all on her, Mike! I’m not one of these fuckin’ yes men whose gonna shield you from accountability just to pad your fuckin’ giant actor ego. You fucked up, Michael. You. You could’ve ended it with Tasha as soon as you realized you were in love with Raven, but you didn’t. You strung her along because it was easier than admitting your feelings. You could’ve taken any of the millions of opportunities to admit what was going on to Raven like I told you and you didn’t. You wanted to play big man and stick it to Tasha instead of focusing on the person that actually mattered. And you didn’t want to admit that you were still talking to her. You didn’t leak this out of some purely noble intentions. This didn’t just happen to you. You caused this because as good of a guy as you are, you always do what is easiest for you instead of what is hard. So you and Tasha made this fucked up bed together. Own that shit and stop wallowing in it like a fucking bitch baby.”
His grip on the steering wheel was nearly painful as her harsh words sank in. And as difficult as they were to hear, as much as they clashed against the narrative he was clinging to, he knew they were not untrue. While it was far easier to lay the whole debacle at Tasha’s feet, he knew he was not blameless in what happened. But he had underestimated how torturous it would be to see the consequences of his own actions, how it would gnaw at him day in and day out. And the only way he was even surviving day to day was wrapping his brain tightly in the narrative that he did what was best. Without that protective blanket, he did not know if he could survive seeing the destruction he caused.
“Damn tell me how you really feel.” He banged his fist on the steering wheel a few times. “I just… I feel like I can’t do shit else till I fix this. Till she forgives me.”
Alex took a long deep breath before reaching over and squeezing his hand. “I know… but her forgiving you and you fixing the damage this all caused may not be the same thing. You don’t get to control when she forgives you and your life can’t stop until she does. If she does. Fix what you can, keep showing up where you can, and the rest is on her.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“Then she doesn’t. And that has to be ok too.” She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text. “I’ll have the list of bodyguards for you by noon tomorrow. Just promise me you’ll get on that plane on Friday? And that your head will be focused on your career, not her. Give me six weeks Mike. Press tour, world premiere, Oscars and then you can chase after her like a lost puppy all you want.”
“Yea I promise. I know how hard you’ve worked for all this… ain’t gonna let you down, Alex.”
“I get paid either way. You earned this. Care more about not letting yourself down.”
And with that, Michael peeled off the curb of Raven’s apartment building and started their trek back to his home. The entire ride Alex’s words tumbled in his brain. He had been so focused on convincing Raven to forgive him when he did need to give her space, as excruciating as that was for him. But space did not mean he could not work to fix the very tangible things his decisions had ruined for her.
“Did you ever get that list of Black agents and publishers that rep fantasy novels?” he asked randomly as they pulled back into his spot in the garage.
“Yea, pulled it a while ago.”
Michael walked Alex to her car, which sat out in front of his house.
“Good. Any on the list you particularly like?”
“One of them’s a friend and if I’m being honest… She is the list.”
“Aight. Let’s game plan that on the plane ride after our interview prep”
Alex leaned against the hood of her car, smiling at him. She patted him on the arm and gave him a smile. “There’s the Michael B Jordan I attached my career to. Welcome back.”
He merely rolled his eyes and smiled. He was a man of action. He would wait a hundred years if that was how much time and space Raven needed. But her not wanting to see him did not mean he could not continue to be what he had always been for her: the first person who took care of her.
***
A knock at Raven’s door forced her out of bed. She had not made much effort to leave the comfort of her own bed since losing her job. She had been able to save up enough from her dates with Michael to save a decent safety net. She would have a couple months before she needed to think seriously about what was next and how to pay rent. She savored the cushion. Her thoughts were an utter mess so she certainly was not mentally strong enough to plan.
As she walked to her front door, her phone started vibrating.
Kiara
She had been avoiding her calls like she was the bubonic plague. She knew why she was calling. To gloat and rub salt in Raven’s wounds. She could almost hear the vitriol Kiara would throw at her without even answering the phone. So she didn’t. She did not care to. She decided to just wait her out, if she ignored her calls enough, she would eventually give up… right? After all, it had almost been two weeks.
Raven had not heard from her dad at all, which she did not know whether to be thankful for or add that to the list of wounds that would not close. Some small part of her would have hoped that, despite them not speaking since the holidays, that he would check in on her after all of this. But she had done all of them a favor when she cut them off. They wanted her out of their lives and she wanted them out of hers. She knew she should no longer care what either of them thought of her.
She sent her call straight to voicemail as she opened her door to find an extremely tall, brooding bald man with shades standing outside her door. He kind of reminded her of what a secret service agent in movies looked like.
“Can I help you?”
“Are you Raven Turner?”
“Why do you want to know?” She kept the door knob in her hand in case she needed to push it closed. She thankfully had not had any crazies approaching her at home, small comfort. But perhaps, that was about to end.
“My name is David Brooks. I’ve been hired to be your bodyguard. May I come in?” Raven’s eyes grew wide as he tried to make a step over the threshold to her apartment. She immediately stepped into his path, using her body and the door as shields.
“You think I’m just gonna let you in cause you say you’re a bodyguard?? I didn’t hire a bodyguard. And I don’t need one. So you could be a serial killer with an elaborate ruse for all I know. Leave.”
“You should know that no serial killer would choose a ruse so specific. And apartments are a foolish place to murder someone, too many eye witnesses. And if I was here to harm you, I’d already be inside. Your door certainly would not stop me.”
“You know you are not really inspiring trust, right?”
“Apologies. It is just frustrating how obsessed the average American woman is about being murdered by a serial killer when statistically, it will never happen. But I digress. Just because you do not believe you do not need a bodyguard, does not mean you don’t.” He reached under his arm and handed her a neat folder of papers. “Resume, background check… much of which is redacted. Security reasons. And he said you would be a reluctant principal so I included the latest research and data on how cyber attacks and stalking can turn violent. Now have I inspired trust?”
Raven took the folder out of his hand and flipped through it quickly, her small stature still blocking his entrance to her home. Her eyes skimmed each page, which included everything about this man except his damn social security number. He seemed legit and even the parts that were not redacted in black highlighter seemed terrifying. But she did not budge from her protective stance in front of her home. She still did not understand.
“Who even hired you??” There was no one in her life that cared enough or could afford to hire her a bodyguard. Well no one except…
Fuck.
“Michael B. Jordan. Any other questions or may I come in so we can discuss your security? Do you do this often? Talk to people in your doorway? Because that will need to end immediately.” His eyes glanced up and down the hallway of her apartment.
Raven let out a deep exhale of frustration and stepped aside, allowing him in. Mainly because she did not want their standoff to continue in her hallway for one of her nosy neighbors to see.
“Don’t get comfortable… you won’t be staying.”
How dare he? She thought to herself. Why can’t he just leave me the fuck alone!
She angrily grabbed her phone off of the kitchen island where she had discarded it. She was too pissed off to feel many other emotions about hearing his voice as she unblocked Michael’s number and hit the call button. She had not spoken to him since he showed up at her apartment days prior.
Ice walls, ice walls, she told herself as she prepared to hear his voice. She forced herself not to read into the fact that it only rang once before his voice started to fill her ear.
“Rae! Lis-”
“Fire him,” she demanded, cutting him off. She had no desire to hear anything he had to say to her.
There was a still beat of silence before Michael’s voice filled her ears again, steaming with the dominance she once craved and yearned for.
“No.”
“I’m not kidding, Michael.”
“I ain’t laughing, Raven. You aren’t ready to talk to me, you aren’t ready to see me, fine. But I’m not gon’ let you fend off paparazzi and randoms alone. And I can’t be there. So he stays.”
Anger coiled in her belly causing her to immediately raise her voice. Every fiber in her being hated him.
“So he can report my every move back to you?? Fuck no. And fuck you. The only reason I would need protection is because of what you did. I’ll never be ready to talk to you and I want nothing from you.”
She could tell this was a losing battle but she fought regardless. She could not handle this shadow following her every second, a visual reminder of him and the fact that he cared about her. But everything in her told her that he didn’t care about her. His actions had made that abundantly clear. This was nothing more than a complex manipulation… like everything else he had done to her since the night they met.
“He’s not obligated to report anythin’ back to me, I promise. I’ve dealt with the paparazzi and crazy fans longer than you. It actually can be dangerous. And I’m traveling and doing all this press so it’s not gonna die off until I’m out of the spotlight in a few weeks. So until then, he stays.”
Raven forgot that Michael was officially on his giant world press tour for Creed 3. A part of her wanted to ask him about it, hear how it was going and how he felt. But she could not allow that either. She did not care about his career. She did not care about him anymore.
“I don’t need anymore help and if I did, I certainly wouldn’t want it from you.”
He let out a sigh that sounded almost… sad? Raven shook her head. She was not going to give in, waver, or break. He was one of the best actors of her generation and that was all this was: an act.
“I deserve that shit. I know it. But I’m not gonna apologize for carin’ about you even if you hate me.”
The back of her eyes stung at his words. She despised it, she did not want to feel this for him. He had destroyed her and she vowed never to let him close enough to do it again. Or anyone for that matter. But perhaps her resolve was not as steadfast as she desperately wanted to believe it was. Her heart may have been willing to hear him out again, but her stubborn brain refused to allow her to give in.
“I do… hate you,” she whispered, hating how clear her emotions were in her tone. Hearing his voice cracked something open inside her and all those walls were starting to crash around her.
“I know… but I’ll never stop, Rae. Never stop lovin’ you and carin’ about what happens to you. Hate me all you want but that’s it.”
She shook her head, even though she knew he could not see it.
Lies. It’s all lies. He doesn’t care. No one does. So stop kidding yourself.
The back of her hand quickly wiped away the few falling tears before she sniffled slightly and cleared her throat. She refused to give in. He did not love her, he did not care about her. That’s the only thing she knew was real. The rest was lies.
“You don’t care what happens to me,” she responded definatively. “No one does,” she repeated the menacing voice in her head that forced her insecurities and hard truths to the surface of her brain. “Hell… I don’t anymore.” Her voice trailed off slightly.
“Rae…” Whatever rebuttal he had started to form in his brain at her first statement faded away like a sandcastle swept in a tidal wave at her words. Did she really think that? Believe that no one in the world cared about her? Did she really no longer care about herself? Those words struck fear in his soul.
“Tell me how I can fix it, baby. Please. Tell me what I can do for you to forgive me.”
Her entire body sagged against the weight of her kitchen counter. She let the phone fall from her ear as a sob bubbled to the surface. She forgot about the GI Joe soldier who was standing in her living room awkwardly pretending as if he could not hear them.
“I-I don’t know if y-you can fix this, Michael. N-Not what you did b-but this exhaustion. I’m just… tired,” she wiped her eyes. “I’m tired o-of reaching out and getting swatted away… I’m tired of being disappointed b-by people. I’m t-tired of forgiving a-and piecing myself back together just to be pushed down and b-broken again. I-I h-have to f-find the fucking energy to pick up the p-pieces of my l-life y-yet again because I d-don’t… have any choice. B-But I d-don’t have enough… to do that a-and figure this out right now. I c-can’t think about forgiving you until I stop feeling…. this … exhausted.” Her words were barely audible as her emotions made her throat too tight to speak.
Another sob broke its way through before she forced her to clear her throat before she stood up straight. She could not do this, could not talk to him and let the door even crack. The wound still hurt too much.
“Goodbye, Michael.”
Raven hung up and blocked his contact once again. She glanced at her new shadow, who now turned his attention back to her.
“I can’t do this right now. I’m not leaving the house today so come back tomorrow and we can talk.” She did not wait for him to agree. “Get out.”
He seemed wholly unperturbed by her rudeness, she was clearly not his first “reluctant principal.” He merely nodded and walked to her front door, leaving the folder and his card with his cell phone number with her.
Raven marched into her bedroom and slammed her door shut, the chorus of sobs she was holding in finally breaking from the surface. Two weeks, only two weeks had passed and she just did not want to feel this anymore. This destruction. The wreckage of her life simply felt too great to rebuild. And there did not seem to be any light at the end of this particular tunnel.
***
The days marched by at a slow pace as Raven tried to do what she told Michael: pick up the pieces to her life. Her day to day now included her own personal GI Joe who followed her everywhere she went. And drove her everywhere she went. Which, admittedly, was not that many places. She did not have a job and she had few friends in LA so she spent most of her time in her apartment, occasionally venturing out for necessities. She imagined she was the easiest and most boring person David had ever protected.
Though they had gotten off to a rocky start, Raven had to admit that she felt safer when she did leave her home with him by her side. And he was not overbearing or bothersome. He had a few rules, which were easy enough for her to follow. And he promised that he would not report her every move back to Michael. She was not sure if she believed him fully but he seemed sincere enough.
She still thought about him, a ghost haunting her every passing thought. Thoughts that were only amplified as pictures and clips from his press tour went viral all over social media. She had tried her hardest to avoid them but sometimes she found her eyes lingering on a reel or tik tok featuring him. She never quite listened to what he was actually saying, she merely just studied him. The way he laughed with his entire body, the spark in his eyes as he talked about his craft and his passion.
He seemed happy… without her, a realization that always made her close whatever video it was and want to curl back up in her bed.
She did not want to miss him, she did not want to still be in love with him. But she still felt everything, all of that love and every ounce of the hurt.
An unknown number covered Michael’s face in the video she was silently watching. Unknown numbers were a mixed bag these days but something in her told her to answer it. It was an LA number, if that made her feel any better about it.
“Hello?”
“Hi, may I speak with Raven Turner?”
“This is she.”
“Hi Ms. Turner. My name is Angelina Smith, I’m the founder of The Spark Agency. We rep Black authors across fiction from contemporary to fantasy and sci/fi. I’ve been looking for new talent and a friend of mine passed along your name to me. You have a few minutes to chat?”
Raven’s eyes grew wide. She did not need to race to google to know who Angelina Smith and the Spark Agency were. They were the first, and one of the only, major Black-owned literary agencies and one of the only that almost exclusively repped Black and Brown authors. She had queried damn near every agent there when she first finished her manuscript but none of it worked out.
“Wait… you’re THE Angelina Smith?? If this is an elaborate prank…” Raven muttered, her brain already forcing her to temper her hopes and dreams. It would not surprise her if this was some insane tik tok prank or ruse to humiliate her. A month ago, she would have never considered that but now? She did not put much past people anymore.
She laughed. “No, I promise this is not a prank. I read your book… you’re incredibly talented. I work closely with Del Rey, Penguin House’s fantasy imprint, and I think your book and series would be perfect for them.”
“Seriously??”
“Yes. Could you come down to my office one day this week? Maybe tomorrow? You’re based here in LA too, right? We can also do something virtual if you’re not in town though. I would love to just chat about your vision for the series and see if we could be a good fit? And if it is, start to discuss all the business stuff. My least favorite part, to be honest,” she chuckled. “Can you give me your email?”
Raven rattled off her email quickly, still shocked and confused as to what was even happening right now.
“Ok great, my assistant will send you a calendar invitation and information. I have to jump but I'm looking forward to meeting you. Talk tomorrow.”
And with that, the call ended, leaving Raven with extreme whiplash as she tried to process what even just happened. She let out a breathy chuckle as she wondered if her life was about to turn around for the better. She did wonder how she even found her book, published under a pseudonym so it would not have been that easy to find. And she had basically been told her career in publishing was dead without hope of resuscitation so why would one of the most successful Black agents in publishing even want to waste their time on her?
A war raged as she tried to decide if this was really real. But a ding of her email let her know that it was legit. She studied every aspect of the email from email addresses to signatures, using LinkedIn and other investigative searches to verify her assistant’s existence as a person and everything checked out. If this was a ruse, it was the most elaborate one she had ever seen. It seemed… legit?
The smallest sprout of hope bloomed in her belly at the thought. Perhaps her life was not completely and totally destroyed. Well it was, but for the first time in a month, she did not see only despair ahead. She saw a path to build something new out of it.
***
“Raven! Angelina,” the tall, lean, and insanely gorgeous woman glided to her office door to greet Raven like she was floating on the air instead of walking in her incredibly high Louboutins. She held out her hand, Raven shaking it enthusiastically. “It is so great to meet you.”
“It is great to meet you too. And sorry,” she wiped her sweaty palm against her dress. “Kinda nervous.”
Angelica waved her hand dismissively. “No need to be nervous. I’ll be honest, I truly rarely say this but I’m already sold on you… just gotta sell you on me,” she winked.
“You’re the first agent to show interest in my work in years… and not to sound like a complete fan, you’re every author’s dream. Hardly need to sell me on you or your agency.”
“I know a diamond when I see one,” she shrugged. “Please sit,” she gestured toward the comfy white couch in her corner office, each woman sitting on each side.
“Not sure about a diamond,” Raven muttered. Her shoulders sagged a bit as she chewed on her lip. This was her dream but all night she had grappled with one thing, one thing that would kill their working relationship before it even began. Her reputation.
“I am so appreciative of this… And honestly, just knowing that someone of your caliber sees the value of my work would be enough. I mean you are amazing a-and your agency has repped some of my favorite authors. And this is such an honor.”
“How do I already sense a but coming?”
Raven smiled sadly. “But I don’t want you to waste your time. I doubt any publisher’s gonna want my name attached to them.”
Angelina stood up and walked over to a small table, pouring two glasses of brown liquor from a decanter she had sitting there. She returned to her perch on the couch, handing Raven one of the glasses.
“Do you think I would personally reach out to you without asking around about you? Without doing a google search? You don’t get to be me without doing your due diligence and I do mine. I know everything ‘your name’ comes with and I still called you. I won’t presume to know everything but I heard enough to know that what your last publisher did to you was not on you or right. Publishers can preach about caring about marginalized voices all they want but it’s still hard to be a woman, a black woman, in our industry. So when a phenomenal black writer gets labeled difficult? I… know what that means. And as for your situation now… well, I like an author with an interesting story,” she shrugged, though interesting was not the word Raven would have used to describe her own story. “But since you think I need convincing about you, let me ask you this… why did you want to be a writer? And why fantasy?”
Raven’s hands anxiously twisted in her lap as she thought about it. “A lot of reasons but mainly… all books are windows… a peek behind the curtain into another life, another time, another reality. But for me, fantasy books were always more? They were doors, a real escape into another world where life was limitless and the powerless underdog could be more. That you could fall but there’s always a reason to pick yourself back up and try again until you don’t fall anymore. And when I wrote my first short story, I realized they were also mirrors, a chance to examine yourself and your own life…” Raven’s hand picked up the hardback copy of her book that sat between the two women. “And heal wounds. Or at least start the process. And when I was old enough, I just realized I didn’t want to just be escaping into someone else’s world. I wanted to escape into one of my own creation too.”
Angelina smiled and nodded. “And that’s what all the due diligence in the world can’t tell me but the only thing I really need to know. I don’t care about anything other than whether this is your passion. And whether you are good at it. Check those boxes and I can work magic with anything, trust me. And as for your concern about publishers, I will admit that I may have been a bit overzealous but I already put feelers out and have three publishers, including Del Rey, who want to meet with you. Your old publishing house even reached out but I didn’t respond. My first response was to tell them to fuck off but wanted to check with you first.”
“Fuck off is pretty polite for what I want to say to them,” Raven muttered under her breath.
“Then fuck off it is.” The two women shared a knowing smile before Angelina continued.
The rest of the meeting was a dream, Raven forgot how amazing this all felt. Even the mundane legal stuff sparked an excitement she had not felt in such a long time. And now she had three meetings on the books to shop her book and an agent again, a book she thought she was not going to be able to do anything with ever again.
“Ok, I think that’s all I need for today. One thing, they’re gonna want book 2 fairly quickly. Any deal we get will include a reprint of this one but they’re all gonna want a first draft as soon as you can get one. Maybe let’s check in again on your progress on March 15? Gives you about a month.”
Raven grimaced on the inside. She had half of her second book done years ago and the doc sat unfinished and untouched ever since she lost her deal. Even with this surge of hope and new energy, she did not know if her creative juices were even still there. However, she did not voice any of those concerns to Angelina. How could she tell this badass woman that she was putting her name on the line for her and Raven did not even know if she could write anymore?
“Sounds good. I can do that,” she lied.
Or at least, we can try… and pray.
“Ok great. Jason will be bombarding your email over the next week with invites and such but I think we’re in good shape. We’ll send over my contract. If you have a lawyer, have them look it over. It’s standard in my opinion but I encourage all my authors to read it with a fine tooth comb and send back notes. It was great meeting you, Raven. I look forward to working with you.”
They shook hands once more before Raven stood to walk out of her office. However, at her door, Raven paused and turned around.
“I’m sorry��� Can I ask you one more thing?”
“Of course.”
“How did you… find my book? I wasn’t querying or anything. It’s not even sold in stores anymore.”
“Oh, a good friend of mine passed a copy along. Said you had gotten the rights back recently and thought I might be interested. One thing I’ve learned is to never doubt Alexandra Williams. She knows how to spot rare talent and she was right, per usual. It’s infuriating really,” the woman laughed.
Raven used her hand on the doorknob to steady herself as her words hit her. She supposed she should not have been shocked but she was. A million questions ran through her brain. Why had he done that? What did he hope to get out of it? Was this another manipulation or a sign that he truly loved and cared about her? That he really wanted to fix all of this?
“Sorry… I may have wrongly assumed she or Michael told you I was gonna reach out.”
Raven realized that her internal monologue was clearly showing across her face. She quickly shook her head and replaced her perplexed look with a fake smile. “No, no. Don’t apologize. They probably wanted it to be a surprise. Thank you… again.”
“Thank me when we get you a deal,” she winked at her before giving her a wave.
Raven nodded and saw herself out, realizing that now… she actually had to do something. No more wallowing in bed and watching sad movies. Her life was back in motion and if she did not pick up her feet to keep up, she would ruin this second chance too.
She shot David a quick text asking him to pull around to pick her up. She had a book to write.
***
Michael was pitfully scrolling through his camera roll as Tessa came up behind him and slid into the open seat next to Alex on their jet. Tessa had been a bright spot on this press tour, keeping him engaged and laughing as much as she could. He was grateful. However, when he was alone or in spaces like this with no cameras, the melancholy always settled back in and he found himself seeking out Raven. Now that was simply a text that went unanswered, a wall of blue messages on his end. However, they did go through… which was an improvement.
Since he could not see her, he resorted to scrolling back through his phone and studying every photo or video they took together. His favorites were their trip to Paris. He looked at those pictures and videos more and longer than he should have, made all the more painful by the fact that he was on his way there before heading to London. He had hoped she would be beside him on this particular stop of his press tour, and had hoped she would get to experience Paris again with him.
But this time, the most romantic city in the world would merely feel like a cruel joke. When he examined her in those photos, each one resurfacing memories that he clung to like a buoy in the open ocean, they only made him fall deeper in love with her. It was as if he could see their love story play out in front of his eyes. And he always went back to Paris because it was such a clear turning point for them, the moment everything changed and they started to fall. The descent had been beautiful and he had savored every moment of it. He could see the love she held for him etched in her eyes, the longing that he had doubted was real back then. But now, it was all he could see… all he could focus on.
“Stare at your phone any harder and it might burst into flames,” Tessa joked as she sat down across from him.
Michael chuckled and tossed his phone down in the empty seat next to him, slumping back pitifully.
“My bad. Just…”
“Miss her?”
“Yea. Doubt she misses me though.” He mused, thinking back to their last two conversations, neither of which went well.
When he had made his choice, there had not been a world where he thought he would not be able to mend whatever it damaged between them. Conceited and cocky? He could own that now but his ego often was outsized. But now, he questioned whether there was a path forward for them at all? If he had done too much damage? Every night when he laid down for a precious few hours of sleep, her words tumbled and tossed in his brain matter. He had never heard her sound so… depleted as she was during their last phone call. He was trying, as much as he could from afar, but he did not know if it would ever be enough.
“Wouldn’t be so sure of that. I only met her once but that woman is just as in love with you as you are with her. Those feelings just don’t disappear because she’s upset. Give her -”
“Time. I know,” he muttered angrily. “Just don’t know if there’s enough time to fix how I fucked this up, Tess. She said she’s too tired to forgive me. And the crazy thing is, I can’t even be mad at that. If I had her life, I would be fuckin’ tired too. I just wish she would let me talk to her, you know? Explain or something.”
Tessa reached over and squeezed his hand. “I know but you’re doing what you can. Show her that you care about her and maybe that’ll soften her up enough for a conversation later.”
“And,” Alex interjected. “If it at all gets you out of this relentlessly annoying funk, Angelina texted and said she and Raven had a great meeting yesterday. So one thing’s working out.”
“See?” Tessa, forever an optimist, smiled widely. “Progress. Keep showing up for her.” Tessa leaned back and studied him for a moment, her eyes filled with introspection that made Michael sit up a bit straighter.
“What’s that look for?”
“No, just… I’ve known you for a decade and I just have never seen you like this before.”
“What? Acting like a bitch?” he grumbled, tossing Alex a side eye that she only rolled her own eyes yet.
“No. This serious… this mature… vulnerable. It’s a new side of you that I’ve never seen and the whole world sees it too. It’s really nice and refreshing.”
“Yea, well it’s all her.”
“Does she know that?”
But before he could ask her what she meant, Tessa’s agent called her over to discuss something, leaving Michael alone to ponder his own thoughts.
***
Almost two weeks went by and the document on Raven’s computer remained unchanged. She stared at the screen for hours a day, willing the prose of her novel to leap out of her brain and onto the page but nothing. She reread the words she wrote years ago and none of it even sounded good to her anymore but she did not know how to fix it. Her backspace button saw more love than any other key on her keyboard. Hour after hour marched on and she had nothing to give. Her characters did not even seem to live in her head anymore. When she tried to tap into their thoughts, their lives, and intentions… all she heard was silence from them and the loud roaring of her own problems. They were still there but it was as if they were miles and miles away with too many barriers for her to access them. And if she could not access them, she could not write an authentic story that a publisher would ever want or readers deserved.
Had she gotten a second chance only to realize there was no point? How could she turn a draft around in a quickly dwindling time frame when she had not written a single thing?
And she could not even blame her writer’s block on anyone. It was all her, her brain and insecurities reeking havoc on her ability to do something that had once been as second nature as breathing. And all her thoughts, of course, just charted a path back to him. Always.
She knew Michael arranging that meeting had been an olive branch, his attempt at fixing things between them. And while part of her was grateful, another part was frustrated that the only reason she was getting her shot back at being an author was because of his connections. Hell, she would still be trapped with her own publisher if it was not for him. Did she want her future success and career to be built on his support? Something about it felt… wrong. Like accepting it was forgiveness she was not ready to offer him yet.
She slammed her computer shut in frustration, an unanswered email from Angelina getting an update on her draft. It would just have to stay on read, Raven decided as she sulked in bed. This was her least favorite part of the day… when she gave up trying to force words to appear on the page and curled back into her spot in bed. That’s when all the negative thoughts caught up with her the most and she had no distractions to help her, tormenting and taunting her with how much she did not deserve him. Or anything good in her life.
Even with this new book deal, she was bound to ruin it at some point right? That was all she knew how to do. The sun was starting to set, dimming the light in her room. Sitting there, without her job, students or Michael to distract her, made it that much harder the fact that all roads led back to one central problem: her. And that was not something Michael could fix. Hell, she did not even know how to fix that. Was she even fixable? Or would she just continue to destroy everything in her life forever?
She was about to get up and force herself to watch tv as a distraction when her phone rang.
Kiara
Raven perhaps foolishly thought her sister would simply give up. She could not even count how many times she sent her calls to voicemail but that did not deter her. Kiara demanded that she be given her moment to revel and gloat. Despite wanting nothing to do with or hear a thing from Kiara, Raven knew she was merely kicking an inevitable can down the road. She was a dog with a bone and she would never stop until Raven gave her the attention she demanded.
Perhaps Raven really was a masochist because despite how low she was already feeling, she decided today was the day to stop punting her sister and just get the beating over with.
“Oh so you finally decide to answer my fucking calls? Weeks later?”
“We made it pretty clear where we stood at Thanksgiving. I just knew you wouldn’t stop calling so… say what you wanna say so we can all move on?” Raven could not keep the exasperation out of her voice. She did not need a big speech or lead up. Let’s just get right to the point.
“Not talking all that big shit now, huh? You know… I always knew you weren’t shit but prostitution? Findin’ new ways to embarrass dad and I every day, huh?”
“Yep, so what do you want me to say, Kiara?”
“Just wondering if you’re finally ready to admit what I’ve always known?”
Raven’s eyes clenched shut. “And what’s that?”
“That you were the biggest mistake mama ever made. All you’ve ever done is ruin my life from the minute you were born. Daddy is fuckin’ disgusted with you. You thought you could snag a big nigga like Michael but he just realized what I already knew. You don’t deserve shit, let alone him. Who knows, maybe I’ll give him a call. He’s havin’ his big movie premiere tonight, finally dumped his dead weight. Maybe we can see how he does with a real woman, not a fuckin’ slut.”
Raven’s head thudded against her headboard lightly as a few stray tears fell. She wiped them away and cleared her throat, forcing the words out of her throat. She was broken but she refused to break down in front of Kiara of all people.
“Fine. You’re right,” her voice filled with such sorrow and resignation that Raven almost did not recognize herself. “Satisfied?”
There was a pause as if Kiara was surprised at her response. But that’s what she had wanted, right? To hear Raven humble herself, admit that she was every horrible thing Kiara, her dad, and now the whole world thought she was.
“That’s what you wanted, right?” she repeated out loud. “That you’re right and I’m the villain and all your hate and vitriol toward me for my entire life is justified? Well, you’re right. You can’t hate me more than I hate myself and I deserve all of it. You are right. So congrats. You won. Oh and if you want Michael, you can have him. I’ll send you his number.” Raven did not even bother waiting for Kiara to speak before she hung up and threw her phone down.
Her head fell into her knees as sobs raked through her body, she did not even know her body could produce anymore tears. How had she not dried herself out? That last statement was an utter and complete falsehood. She did not want Michael anymore, or rather, she simply convinced herself she should not want him anymore. Her body still yearned for him like an addict searching for their next fix. But it would be a cold day in hell before she served him on a gilded platter to her sister of all people. And even though she hated him more than anyone in this world, she knew that was not his way.
But everything else? She meant every word. She hated herself and her life. And it was overwhelmingly excruciating to feel 30 years of hatred flood her brain all at once.
“Fuck! Enough of this,” she muttered. She could not sit there, lay around ruminating in her pain and suffering all night. Especially not when Kiara had just reminded her that Michael was having one of the biggest night’s of his career, a night she had once been so excited to experience by his side.
She needed to forget. Forget him, forget her pain… forget all of it.
She went into her closet and pulled out a bodysuit and jeans. She threw on makeup as quickly as she could, freshened up her hair and texted David that she wanted to go out. He was still sitting in his car outside watching her building, as he would until she went to sleep. But tonight, she did not plan on going to sleep anytime soon, she needed release.
And release is exactly what she would find as she made David drive around until she spotted a hole-in-the-wall bar downtown. It was old and grimy and the perfect escape. There were no lying millionaires to be found in a place like this, just regular men who would think nothing of fucking Raven in the bathroom or the back of their car or wherever her drunk mind encouraged them to go.
“Hey, welcome to the Griffin,” the bartender offered as Raven sat down at the bar. “What can I get you?”
“Hey… ummm can I just have tequila with pineapple juice? Double. And just keep ‘em coming.” She handed him her credit card to start what she knew would be a regrettably large tab in the morning. But she could not have hoped to care.
He merely nodded in agreement before quickly mixing her simple but effective poison of choice. She damn near drank it like a shot, throwing it back before signaling him to make her another. And with every disgusting bottom shelf sip of tequila she took, she felt it. Release.
***
“Congrats, baby. The movie was amazing,” Michael’s mother kissed him on the cheek.
“Thanks, ma.”
There was a certain sorrow in his voice that he found hard to hide now that he had returned home from his Creed 3 World Premiere. Two weeks of traveling non-stop and he was finally home. Only home simply reminded him of one person now. Raven. It was the biggest night of his career and he spent the entire night wishing she was by his side, musing on what she would think of specific scenes or the movie overall. Her opinion was the only one he found himself even caring about. The insane pace of his press tour had taken his mind off Raven to a degree. But being back in LA for a few weeks head of the world premiere and the Oscars pushed all those thoughts front and center again.
And it was clear to every person around him, which is why his cast and team did not press him when he declined attending the after party he was hosting and paid for.
“I know it’s hard without her, baby. But celebrate the moment, your moment. If she’s meant to be yours, she’ll come back around.”
His mother squeezed his hand before following his father up the stairs to their bedroom. Michael sighed and nodded. That’s what he kept telling himself this entire time but it was not working anymore. He just wanted to hear her voice, even if all she wanted to do was yell at him. He could take it, handle it. It was the silence that was harrowing, that felt too heart-wrenching to contend with.
This press tour had proven one thing to him - Raven had unlocked a side of him that he had never had before. This was his most open and genuine, most real moments he had offered the public. And people noticed, noticed that he was different, more serious, vulnerable, and open about himself, his work, and his craft. Raven had brought all that out in him. And he wanted her by his side to revel in it with him. He wanted people to know that it was her who caused that, who split him open and made him stop hiding.
His phone rang, Michael’s heart nearly stopping as David’s name slid across his screen. The man had never actively reached out to Michael since his first day guarding Raven. Though Michael paid for his services, he made it clear that he did not want reports unless they were threats to Raven’s safety, physical or otherwise. And so, he had taken David’s silence for what it was: a sign that Raven was safe. And that was all he could ask for. But the man reaching out to him foretold bad news, he knew that much.
“She alright??” Michael asked immediately, his feet already moving toward his keys to get in his car.
“Depends on your definition. We’re at a bar downtown and she’s… well, she’s been here for hours. It’s a dive bar so there aren’t many people here, no cameras. But she’s completely wasted. Like refusing to leave wasted. I told the bartender to cut her off after this drink bu-”
Michael loosened his bow tie and grabbed his keys. “Text me the address.”
“Already sent.”
Michael was not sure what to expect when he finally made it downtown and parked his car. He checked David’s text two or three times, shocked to believe a bar could exist in such a rundown building that did not look safe, much less occupying a functioning business. But David had sent the correct address, the faded, grungy and dilapidated sign of The Griffin hanging above the door.
Michael knew he looked out of place as he pushed his way inside, his body still donned in a perfectly tailored royal blue tuxedo. But thankfully, the bar was not crowded, just a few folks hanging around the bar and booths. But he only had eyes for one person like a moth to a flame, a young woman wildly dancing in the corner near the jukebox.
Despite the carefree smile on her face and swing in her hips, Michael could still see the dimmed spark in her eyes from across the dimly lit bar. He had not laid eyes on her in so long and just seeing her was like someone breathed new life into his body. The rough seas of his soul calmed, even just for a moment, before worry consumed him.
Was this normal for her since they broke up and stopped speaking? Getting completely drunk at dive bars? He could count on one had the number of times he had seen her tipsy, let alone drunk. But this was beyond anything he had ever witnessed with her but a scene he knew all too well with himself: someone trying to numb their pain with liquor and a good time. And it always worked, he knew, until the sun came up and the hangover set in and the pain rushed back tenfold. He chased that serene, weightless, painless feeling night after night for years. He had to learn the hard way that numbing the pain did not stop or heal it, it just made it hurt more later on when you finally confronted it. He refused to let someone as pure as Raven fall into the same trap he did.
He made his way across the bar, only stopping to speak to the bartender. “How many drinks she had?”
The bartender, a graying white man, glanced up from where he was wiping down the soiled bar. His eyes grew wide for a moment, clearly recognizing Michael, before he answered.
“Uhhh… I’m sure she lost track. The one in her hand is number 7. And her last. The guy with her told me to cut her off.”
Michael let out a low whistle and grimaced. There was not a world in which she didn’t feel that in the morning. He pulled out his credit card and slid it across the bar to the man. “Pay her tab with this for me, aight?”
“Yes sir. You’re my favorite villain in Marvel by the way…” he offered with an enthusiastic smile.
“‘Preciate you.” Michael walked over to where Raven was dancing and where David stood protectively by, the young woman still not even noticing him. More of the drink in her hand landed on the dirty floor of the bar than it did in her mouth when she tried to take another sip.
Michael rushed forward and skillfully slid it out of her grasp, Raven whipping around to find him behind her. Her smile immediately fell as she looked him up and down.
The drunk version of her wanted to be excited to see him but the sliver of her logical brain that remained reminded her that the only reason they were drinking was to forget him and the destruction he caused. How could she be so weak as to even care that he was there?
“W-what are you doing… here?” she slurred, her hand making a grab for her drink, which he held just out of her grasp.
“To take you home that’s what. You’ve had enough. Unless you wanna end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning?”
She merely shrugged as she continued to dance. “Can’t be any worse. I’m having… a good time. Unlike him,” She turned to David and smiled. “He’s sooooooooo uptight. You know… h-he doesn’t even smile. Like ever? And has a lot of thoughts… on serial killers, w-which is strange. Come on, David.” She called over to him from his stance in the corner, which gave him a full view of the bar. “Dance with me,” she tried to walk over to him in her high heels but stumbled, Michael quickly grabbing her around her waist and pulling her against his chest. “I-I’m fine, I’m fine.”
“No you aren’t. Come on.”
“You… two are… no fun,” she moaned pitifully. However, she did not fight against Michael’s strong grasp as he led her out of the bar and to his ferrari.
It took him longer than it should have to just get her in the car. However, once she was settled, he went into the back and grabbed the spare gym bag he kept there and dumped all the clothes out before putting it in her lap like a makeshift bucket. Though he knew he could just take her to his condo, he wanted to care for her at his home, which was a longer drive. And as much as he adored her, getting the interior of his brand new and very expensive custom car cleaned when all that alcohol inevitably showed up in a different, less desirable form was not on his to-do list for tomorrow.
Raven’s wild and uninhibited drunk persona continued for most of the ride as she demanded he turn on some “tunes” for her to listen to, singing loudly and off-key to every song she pulled up on his Spotify. It would have been cute if the entire situation had not been so concerning.
By the time they reached his house 30 minutes later, the height of her drunkenness had worn off and her persona had settled into a decidedly somber one.
“You hold your liquor better than I thought you would,” Michael remarked as he helped her up the stairs to his master suite.
“Only… long enough not to throw up in your fancy car. Can’t m-make the same promise… for your carpet if you keep moving this slow.”
That did make Michael pick up his pace a bit, immediately taking Raven to his bathroom and gently sitting her down. He made quick work of taking off her shoes and pulling her hair back with the hair tie on her wrist just in time for her to bury her face in the toilet.
Michael rarely got sick from alcohol but he had never been more thankful for his high tolerance of liquor as he essentially watched her body perform an exorcism. He only left her once to get her water and make a cup of tea to settle her stomach but even in his giant house, he could hear the faint heaving as he made his way to the kitchen.
When he returned with her water and tea, Raven was sitting with her head propped up on his toilet seat, gingerly wiping a few tears from her eyes.
“I-I’m sorry…” she pushed out. “Having my ex have to take care of me is a… fucking new… low.”
Michael felt like she had sucker punched him with the word ex. He supposed that was what they were, no matter how much he did not want that to be true. But it did not hurt any less.
“Don’t apologize.” He wet a washcloth with warm water before wiping her face. “Better?”
“Yea… c-can’t imagine there’s anything left in my body,” she mumbled. She stared at him for a moment before saying. “You shouldn’t’ve come. I told him not to tell you where I went.”
“Tonight was the first time he called me. I only just got back to LA this week for press and the premiere. He was just worried about you. Don’t think he expected me to actually show up.”
She eyed him up and down, for the first time realizing he was in a pristine deep royal blue tuxedo. She could not stop the passing thought on how good he looked.
“How was it?” At his confused expression, she amended. “The movie… how was it?”
He scoffed, even in this state, she cared about how his movie went. She always spoke about how she did not deserve him but from where he sat, it was the other way around.
“Don’t really care to talk about the movie right now, Rae. Want to talk about you.”
“Well I don’t wanna talk about me o-or think about me. Hence all the alcohol my body just ejected. So how was the movie?”
He slid down onto the floor next to her, setting the pajama set he had pulled out for her next to him.
“It was good. I’d already seen it but seein’ it on a big screen, watchin’ my family see it. It was surreal.”
“A-and the press tour?”
“Good. Busy. Not done either. Alex secured an interview with Oprah, which is hella dope… bout the movie and Oscars. So it’s been good. Hard without the one person I needed though.”
She scoffed, finally feeling strong enough to stop using his toilet as a literal crutch. She forced herself to scoot away, now leaning her back into his standing tub across from him.
“Didn’t need me. No one does,” she muttered, taking a sip of the tea he sat out for her.
Ginger tea, perfectly made just as she liked it. God, why was he like this?? So perfect and attentive even when she wanted to hate him?
“That’s not true. Tell me what’s goin’ on, Rae? I… I’ve never seen you like this. Never seen you drink this much or talk like this.”
“Maybe you don’t know me that well…” she muttered as she played with the material of his rug beneath her.
“I think I know you pretty well and this ain’t you.”
“I… finally talked to my sister today. A-and she just voiced what I already knew but had never said out loud. All I do is ruin things… people. Hell, I’m about to ruin this book deal you got it… I can’t even write anymore. Destruction follows me like a damn fire everywhere I go, burning everything I touch. I just… didn’t want to be me for a while? Didn’t want to be weighed down by that.”
“You didn’t ruin me.”
“If you had never met me, your face wouldn’t have been plastered across TMZ for carrying an unconscious woman out of a hotel…. If you’d never met me, you’d be blissfully enjoying your moment right now instead of taking care of a pathetic girl you dumped.” She paused, her fingers twirling around the fraying threads of the hole in her distressed jeans. “If I hadn’t been born, my family would be whole a-and happy. If I had just said yes to that asshole, I’d still have my career and I wouldn’t have resorted to prostitution. I-If I hadn’t decided to make a quick buck, I wouldn’t have disappointed my students a-and everyone I know. A-and it was easy to blame you when e-everything happened,” she whispered as tears streamed down her face, as the drunk facade gave way to the brokenness and pain she tried to numb. “It was easy to act as if this w-was all your fault. But it’s me. I’m the problem.”
“Rae…”
She raised her hand to stop him. “Don’t pretend it’s not true… this is all my fault.” He watched as she held the soft cotton in her hands, her fingers rolling over it. A tear fell from her eyes, splashing onto the heather gray material. She lifted her eyes, her first time looking him in his eyes. “W-was any of it real? W-what we had?”
“All of it was real. Every bit of it. I love you with everything in me, Rae. I hate that you don’t believe that, that I made you doubt it. But it’s true. You can’t ruin me when you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“A-and Tasha? D-do you love her?”
Michael’s eyes grew wide. “Fuck no. I swear. I… messed up. Completely fucked up. I… thought I was helping you by dealing with it on my own and I let my anger at Tasha and fear of hurting you push me to do just that. I hurt you. And I’ll do anything to mend what I broke.Because you’re my world, Raven. You have to believe that. What can I do to make you believe that?”
Michael watched as her shoulders shrugged forward, collapsing under the weight of the day and everything. She pulled her knees into her chest, resting her head on her knees. “I d-don’t know if I can believe anything anymore.
“Then I’ll spend the rest of your life and mine helping you believe it. Whatever it takes.”
Raven stood up, ignoring the dizziness the sudden movement caused as she made a beeline for his bedroom door. She thought she could do this but she couldn’t. She couldn’t be here with him, listening to his promises. Not when the voices in her head loudly clashed against his words like metal against metal. Most of her brain that still loved him with everything in her screamed at her for pulling him away from one of the biggest nights of his career, chastising her for ruining yet another thing for him. And the louder part that demanded she despise him yelled that all of his promises were a lie, nothing he said was real. They weren’t real.
She did not deserve him and he was just propping her back up so he could knock her down again, he would never keep those lofty promises. That’s what everyone in her life did and she was too bruised to be anyone’s punching bag anymore. He was just a fantasy she tried to will to life but was never real.
She grabbed her clutch and phone that Michael had discarded on her bed. She did not care how her body swayed slightly and was still off kilter. She could stay awake long enough to call an uber and get herself home.
“What are you doing??”
“Going home. I c-can’t do this. You shouldn’t have come tonight. You s-should be out celebrating your big night, not here taking care of me.”
“The fuck? Raven, put the phone down. I ain’t lettin’ you Uber home like this.”
“You don’t care!”
“Stop sayin’ that shit!” he rushed forward and ripped her phone out of her hands, closing the Uber app. He knew it was wrong but he also knew her movements and reactions were too slow for her to stop him.
She tried to snag it from him, the actor easily holding it above their heads and utterly out of her reach.
“Stop wasting your time on me, Michael,” she hurled at him, her eyes clenching shut in her exasperation. “G-Go be with Tasha o-or some model or some woman actually worth your time. A woman you actually want. We both know that’s not me. So let me go, please. T-this… the promises, t-the disappointment, it hurts too much.”
“Be mad at me. Push me away all you want. Fine, I deserve it. But do it because I fucked up. Because I lied and kept the truth from you and tried to protect you and disappointed you just like everyone else. I can learn to live with that one day. But I can’t and won’t live with you doing it because you still believe you don’t deserve me! Because that’s not true.”
“Why w-would I believe you deserve me??! What future could we… ever have together when the world knows you a-and however many men they believe paid me for sex?? What kinda future is that for us?? People a-are calling you the greatest actor of a fuckin’ generation. You’re about to interview with fuckin’ Oprah literally this week! And what am I? A prostitute with no family and 3 failed careers under her belt?? A failed author who can’t even write a sentence now, much less another book. What kinda future would we have when you didn’t even think I w-was strong enough to tell me your secrets, your problems?? This whole situation, YOUR actions, proves that WE WEREN’T REAL!” she exploded, her drunkenness fueling the first time she voiced her true feelings out loud to anyone. “None of it was real. And the moment it got real, the moment shit got hard, you didn’t confide in me, you didn’t trust me, you threw me to the wolves because you knew what the rest of the world knows… I don’t deserve to be here i-in this part of your life! Th-This house… y-your family… your real life?? I don’t fit here anymore, Michael! I n-never did.” She took a deep shuddering breath before continuing.
“So I’m asking you… begging you to just… let me go. L-Let me go back to my…” she chuckled. “Insignificant life as Pluto o-or the side character. Please. B-Because I can pick myself b-back up a-and force myself to keep moving, force myself to keep going a-and b-be alone for the rest of my life a-and live in the shadows. But I can’t do that with fake promises, promises of m-more when it isn’t real… because w-words a-and promises a-aren’t real a-and they aren’t enough a-anymore. I can’t k-keep putting my faith in fantasies only for reality to knock me down again. Because I d-don’t think I can get back up again. I-I’m tired, Michael. This is it, this is all I have left. So please… just let me go.”
Michael slightly stumbled back in shock, the raw hurt in her voice almost too agonizing to feel. His arm came down but his grip on her phone was almost crushing. Though he wanted to respect her wishes, he also knew… there was not a world in which he could let her go truly. He loved her too much. His world rose and set with her. He used his knuckles to wipe his own tears away.
“Raven… please. J-just give me a chance to show you that I’m real, that what I feel for you is real. Because I would give up all this shit, every last bit of it for you. I’m at the height of my career and all I can think about is you. All that matters is you.”
She shook her head and held out her hand for her phone. “I wish… I wish I c-could believe you. But I don’t know if I can.”
With that, Michael’s grip loosened just enough for Raven to grab her phone and purse and start to walk out the door. However, as she pulled open the door, Michael’s hand grabbed the frame to stop her.
“I can keep working to fix what I did. I can show you that you’re my world, that you’re my Sun and that my world revolves around the very look on your face. I will happily show up at your doorstep everyday with actions and proof of how much I love you… how much I fucking breath for you. And I will. But I can’t make you believe it. I can’t make you believe you deserve it. That’s the one thing I can’t do here. I-I’ll never let you go, Rae. My heart will always be yours.” He bowed his head, every word felt like a sharp knife leaving his throat, agony to force out. But he knew it had to be said. “But I c-can’t force you to believe that you own my heart and deserve it or that you’re worth everything to me. I can do everything in my power to show you I’m worth one more fall but you have to jump. So if and when you believe what I know is true about you and us, I’m ready to jump again.”
And with that, he let her go, allowing her to open the door fully and leave. Every step she took further away from him caused the sorrow he felt to grow to unspeakable heights. At one time, he thought this pain could not have gotten worse. But this was far worse.
Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r @dezzy154
***
A/N:
I promise yall… it’s gonna get better LOL This is really the worst it gets! Our girl is just feeling the weight of it all and is sad but she is a survivor 💪🏾
Y’all were hard on my girl last chapter - how are we feeling?? Still mad at her? Still mad at Michael? Let me know your thoughts in the comments! *disappears* lol also it was really hard to post this from my phone 😭 won’t do that again hahaha

#black writers#michael b jordan#michael b jordan x oc#mbjordanedit#black panther#michael b jordan x reader#michael b jordan fanfic#creed 3#adonis creed#creed iii#fic: wicked fantasies
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pick up the phone !!!
synopsis: my take on whether they’re a caller or texter
cast: yuji itadori, megumi fushiguro, nobara kugisaki
cw: cursing, usage of the nword, kinda proofread
a/n: sorta just filler work, i was in the mood to write smth but didn’t want to do too much. might make a part 2 with the second years
megumi - texter
do not expect this dude to answer ANY calls LOL
calling means you have to talk a whole bunch and he’d rather just…not
like it’s physically draining to him (same tho)
even so, bro is a dry ass texter, like he’s one of those people where you have to read it in his voice for it to not sound so dead
you could prob send him smth earth shatteringly hilarious and bro will respond to it like
“lmaoo” or “im dead”
like damn nigga put some enthusiasm into it 😭
his read receipts are off cause he has a habit of looking at texts and forgetting to respond. he figured if he turned them off he wouldn’t hurt anyones feelings by accident
the dnd stays on!!
he sends voice messages if he doesn’t feel like typing a whole lot
he doesn’t have contact photos for anyone, everyone got that nasty default letter one
has gojo muted cause he’s always texting him about dumb shit 😭
no one in his pinned
will text you out of the blue and ask if you wanna hang out
could be 2am but that won’t stop him
“wanna run to the gas station?”
“my nigga it’s 1 in the morning 💀”
“not reading all that, you coming or not?”
—
nobara - caller (specifically facetime)
this bitch loves being on the phone !!! especially with people she’s real, real, close with
expects you to pick up EVERY SINGLE FACETIME CALL and if you don’t best believe she’s finna spam text you
“bitch ik you saw my call 🤨”
“answer your phone rn ik you not doing nothing with your lonely ass”
she’ll eat you up fr if you don’t answer 😭
facetimes with her are lit thooo, like she always has a story to tell
“and then guess what happened!!!”
is a bad texter tho
like really bad
she’ll either answer in 3 seconds or 3 weeks, you’ll never know !!
has certain people muted if she doesn’t like them
only has 3 convos in her pinned and one is a gc with her, yuji, and megumi
gojo is blocked LOL
she blocked yuji once too and forgot to unblock him (he kept sending her those wolf memes)
—
yuji - both, but more of a caller
he loves phone calls !!! especially facetimes
he likes being able to see and hear the people he’s talking to
takes screenshots
he usually facetimes when he has like,,, chores to do? like if he’s gotta clean his room or something he’ll call so that way he can stay focused
likes when you talk about your day or if you have a story to share, he gets INVESTED
“what??? that’s kinda fucked up… what’d she do next???”
is lowkey an instigator
“me personally…. i wouldn’t let him talk to me like that”
eats on the phone!
bro has a whole mukbang set up don’t play with him!
he’s also a very engaging texter
has a perfect reaction photo for any situation
sends lots of tiktoks
i feel like when he’s expressing laughter he does the keyboard smash thing
or he’ll go like
“BYEEEE LMAOOO 😭😭”
everyone has a special name and contact photo
#saint laurent productions#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#megumi fushiguro headcanons#nobara kugisaki headcanons#yuji itadori headcanons#jjk hcs#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen
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Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Part Seventeen
pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc x Chris 'Motionless' Cerulli
warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, panic attack, stalking, online bullying.
summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. For everyone involved.
author’s note: Unbeta'd, readers beware as always lol.
tags: @tearfallpixie @cncohshit @jordynyingling0219 @faceless-mirror @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @witchyweeb34 @black-damask1999 @jilliemiw86 @ilovesamkiszka @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses @laurpartyprogram
Rick knew he shouldn’t have done it, he knew he shouldn’t have, but he watched Grace’s live with Vinny. No, they didn’t unblock her, that would be ridiculous, but he had a throwaway Instagram account, and it was perfect for times like this. It was random enough, that as long as they didn’t say anything in the chat, and didn’t jump out or anything he doubted Grace would even pay attention to the name, he doubted Grace even knew about it. It was quite literally a scramble of letters and numbers.
Listening to Grace as she sobbed, and cried about her version of events, answering questions about everything that had happened between them, if he hadn’t been there, if he hadn’t been the one to go through it, he would have believed everywhere she had said. If Vin hadn’t been sitting next to him, grabbing at his hands and stopping him, the things he was tempted to type in the chat. Oh, how thankful he was, that they’d thought to turn off voice recognition before the live had started, or he might have been screwed.
Even so, the live itself exposed Grace to Ricky even more than anything else had. It exposed even more of her obsession, not just with him, but with the whole band itself. For her claims of what Talia had done to her, to him, was almost precisely the same story, a play-by-play in fact, of what that stalker had done to Chris and his fiance so many years before he’d even met Gracy… Except for the fact that Ricky had never proposed to Grace.
There had been a question in the live about if Rick had asked her during the tour and that was why she was with them this year, so you know the fans knew the story was similar, not that she acknowledged it in any way, assuming obliviousness. No, Grace had just gotten bashful and said that he hadn’t, however, she had her suspicions that he had planned to before she had turned up. Then she had had the gall to lament that now they would never know if he would have or not, and boy, had that caused an uproar. Grace had certainly missed her calling, working in boring retail, when she could have been an actress, she could have made a killing. She certainly had him fooled for years.
It wasn’t until near the end of the Instagram live that she really let the worst of what she had to say drop. That Talia, this mysterious woman, that she was claiming to be Ricky’s stalker and FAKE SOULMATE, that had been the cause of him breaking it off with her, conveniently leaving out that she had been faking being his soulmate herself mind you, was conveniently Vinny’s soulmate’s best friend, and that they were in cahoots.
She ended the live with that. Vinny and Ricky’s pages both EXPLODED.
Not just Ricky’s Instagram, but also his YouTube and Twitter. Vinny’s discord was smashed and his mods had to shut that shit down, so many people had to be muted and a new rule was implemented that if anyone spoke out against Ava they would be instantly put indefinitely put in timeout until they could sort out what was happening. The keyboard abuse was rife and it was beyond a joke. Everything was mayhem.
Ricky was fucking pissed, now they had to sort out what to do, Grace knew where to hit them, she hadn’t just dropped a bomb, she hadn’t just attacked him, but Vinny too. He was pacing back and forth down the hall on his phone, contemplating what the hell he should do, while Vinny was sitting at his computer desk arguing with someone on his computer, when he heard a car make its way up the drive.
He was contemplating whether he should make a post, a video on YouTube, something, setting the record straight, something that Grace wouldn’t be able to explain away. Right now, the fact that everything she said had been done over a live was to her advantage, not that it wasn’t saved somewhere, these days some people screen-recorded everything. He’d already seen it flooding the band's message boards, and the mods trying to shut down the hate over it, that was coming from it.
Hearing laughter echo inside the house from the front hall, Ricky looked up, it was Talia and Ava getting back from the trip into town.
“Shit.. Vin, Vin.”
Moving back to his room where he was still talking with his mods about the idiots on his discord,
“Talia and Ava just got back.”
What they were going to tell them? He didn’t know, but it wasn’t like they could exactly hide this from them. Be as bad as trying to stick their heads in the sand after all, pretending none of this was happening, and it was, it was all fucking happening whether they liked it or not. Vin had told him that he’d talked to Ava about going public with their relationship, and if Ava knew, then so did Talia, hiding this would be impossible, it was going to be everywhere.
Rick took in a breath as he saw Ava and Talia walk around the corner, it was the first time he’d seen Talia since the bathroom, and his neck tingled just at the sight of her, that smile, if it weren’t for the pit of dread feeling like nothing but doom wanting to eat him alive right now…
“I should go.”
“No!”
Ricky glanced over towards Vin as he came out of the office.
“We need to deal with this, Rick.”
“Deal with what?”
Ava was all smiles until Vinny looked over at her, it was then she got a good look at the expression on his face, and she saw just how stressed he was. It wasn’t Ava that spoke next, it was Talia, and she wasn’t looking at Vinny as she said it.
“What’s going on, what’s wrong?”
Rick looked over to her, his eyes narrow, what? What was her deal? She shouldn’t be looking at him with concern like that. The words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them, she confused him too damn much, and it just, everything with Grace, it was pushing him, and badly.
“What the fuck do you care?”
“Rick!’
Looking over to Vinny,
“You know it involves her too, Grace named her, and considering she connected her to Ava, it won't be long until the fans find her.. You need to tell your side, man. You need to tell them what Grace did. That SHE was the fake soulmate, not Talia.”
“Wait, what?”
Ava exclaim,
“I thought you guys were doing your live, what has Grace got to do about this?”
Just like that, suddenly everyone seemed to be talking at once, looking between the three of them she couldn’t quite keep up. Talia was so lost as she looked at the three of them, so lost. From the sounds of it, there had been something planned that she hadn’t known about, something involving Vin and Ricky, which made her nervous, especially if Ava knew about it, but she didn’t. It also left a pit in her stomach because it made her wonder what else she was being left out of already in her friend's life, she knew she wasn’t as dialled in as she wanted her to be with this soulmate thing, but she’d still support her. She was here, wasn’t she? Why was she here, giving up her time, her work, her life, if it was just to be shuffled off to the side?
As she swallowed, she took in her breath, pushing that feeling aside, she was fine, it was okay, whatever was going on was so much more important than her, obviously. That was when her phone started to go off wildly with notifications for comments on some of her recent photos on her Instagram page, well, that was weird. Opening the first one, just one, and it was some chick cussing her out, with some carefully chosen language might she add, for being a homewrecker. What?
“Guy, GUYS, someone needs to slow down and start from the beginning as to what the hell has happened.. Because I’m being abused and called a homewrecker over here, and I’d really like to know why?”
Holding up her phone. She could guess why, and as much as she’d like to be proven wrong the looks on their faces told her she probably wasn’t. Talia would be willing to beg the universe that she was wrong, but the moment Vinny mentioned Grace before, Talia had gotten the worst feeling.
“Well, Vinny and I wanted to announce that we’re together, so he did an Instagram live, and he did it with Rick.”
Talia glanced at the man that she had been purposely trying not to, and failing not to think of since the party, and her tattoo tingled, the feeling dancing over her skin just from her glancing at him, twisting her fingers around her phone as it vibrated with even more notifications coming through. Shit.
“Okay, why would he need to do it with Rick?”
Her words were calm, and slow, as if she didn’t know the answer, but she wanted confirmation, she wanted to hear them say it since they’d decided to leave her out of something that had so blatantly involved her before now.
“I haven’t announced that I’m not with Grace yet, because it’s just, it’s been difficult.”
Alright, Talia nodded, shrugging slightly, that she understood, and she didn’t really blame him for it. Good news spread like wildfire, bad news hit like a lead pipe, and no one ever wanted to talk about it. Well, it would seem, an exception could be made if someone were famous and someone did a live claiming to expose their dirty secrets and lied through their teeth.
“Okay, so, wait, you told people you broke up with her in the live? You told them about me?”
“No! No no, soulmates weren’t mentioned with the breakup, the idea was that I’d talk about my breakup, and Vinny would go right into his news distracting everyone. It mostly worked, not quite, but mostly. Some people still commented on my page, but it was something, it was out there at least.”
He shrugged. That was not the problem, Talia looked between them warily,
“Okay, so, what went wrong?
“About an hour later, Grace did a live, and she spoke her version of events. How much do you know about the band's past with soulmates? How much do you know about Chris’ history with soulmates?”
Looking at Rick then as he asked, for once he didn’t sound like he was just going to spit hate at her, he was actually talking to her like a civil person this time, but that wasn’t what she was thinking about, she was thinking about some of what she knew of what Chris had gone through.
“I only know some of what Chris went through, I’m not one of those fans that go through your personal lives guys. He was stalked by a fake soulmate, he had a girlfriend, then he didn’t have a girlfriend, that's all I know. I’ve always tried to be hands-off.”
Looking at Ricky, she’d never wanted to be one of those creepy fans who became obsessed with them, not even when she figured out he was her soulmate. Anything she could have learned, she would have rather learned from them as people. There were times she read articles and still felt she violated their privacy with how they portrayed them.
He stared at her for a moment, well, shit. She definitely had more boundaries than most, a lot of fans loved reading everything they could get their hands on, and he wouldn’t judge them for it. The interviews they did for a reason.. It was the stalkers, and the people that wouldn’t leave them alone badgering them, that were a problem.
“Well, it gets a lot worse, but that is the basic layout, and Grace made it seem a lot like that, that you stalked me, pretended to be my soulmate, and I left her because I couldn’t handle it.”
Ricky, just as he spoke the words, felt a flare of heat through the skin of his tattoo, his eyes going a little wide because at the same moment that he felt it, the realisation hit him, Talia, despite looking away from him in obvious anger and frustration at what she was hearing, her hand had lifted to her neck, immediately to her tattoo. She was pressing her fingers to her soulmate tattoo, and when she did, that pain in his neck, shit, it reacted. The pain in his neck, it seemed to soothe.
Talia was just trying to breathe. She was just so angry, not at Rick, but at the whole situation. Okay, maybe a little at Rick, at Vinny, at Ava. They could have told her this was happening, they could have let her prepare herself at least a little emotionally for this starting. Sure, she didn’t think there was probably much she could have done aside from mentally prepare, maybe she could have locked her account, something.. But she would never know now. God, did she even want to check her profile for more comments? Damn.. how could they have not told her?! Right now it felt like she’d been hung out to dry and it made her, her, it actually made her angry, angry at not just Grace, but all of them too. Glancing away from all of them, she reached up to her neck, her tattoo surging painfully again.. Rubbing along the mark as covertly as she could.. Trying to make it look like she was just working out the stress kinks in her neck as she closed her eyes with a sigh. She didn’t need any of the others to know that this debacle, wasn’t the only insanity she was dealing with, but the one in her own head as well.
“Rick, you know I’m right, you have to say something, release a statement, a video, something.”
Vinny was speaking up, completely missing what Ricky was seeing, and Talia didn’t see him blinking a little at her either as she rubbed her neck at the sting of pain,
“Rick!”
His attention snapped back to Vinny,
“What?”
“We can’t let her get away with this, they’re already coming after Talia online.”
The problem was, it wasn’t Grace coming after her, it was their fans, if Grace came after her they could do something about it. Ricky could technically do something about it, legally, like get a restraining order. Then, like he said to Chris, he could claim Talia as his soulmate, and provide evidence of her stalking, and it would extend to her. However, the problem was, it wasn’t Grace, she had weaponized their fanbase, and they were attacking Talia for her.
“And me.”
Ricky looked over towards Ava who had her phone in her hand now, scrolling away. Vinny looking on in horror,
“What?!”
Talia’s voice had a tinge of outrage in her one-word outburst as she stepped towards Ava to see her phone, to look at the comments she was getting to. Rick barely held back the flinch at the much sharper sting through the tattoo this time, was she just angry, was the tattoo reacting to her strong emotions, or was it reacting because her emotions were aimed at him? Because if it was her emotions, why wasn’t it always reacting? Of course, now, now she had reason to be pissed at him, Grace was doing this to her, to Ava, because of him. He could do, he had to do, something.
“Fine. Fine, I’ll make a video statement. I’ll,”
He took in a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was going to do.
“I’ll tell my story about what she did to me.”
How she made a fool of him, and how she ruined how it felt for him to find his real soulmate. Glancing to Talia… well shit. Time to stop lying. He knew, and he hated it. He couldn’t be with her, because everything he felt now was just, it hurt. Furthermore, he looked at her, thinking about who she was, thinking about how perfect she probably would have been for him, and it was too fucking painful.
He didn’t just hate that she was his soulmate. He hated everything.
Shit, why did Chris have to be right?
dividers by @saradika-graphics
#motionless in white#miw#ricky olson#ricky horror#ricky olson fanfiction#ricky olson x ofc#original female character#soulmates#vinny mauro#fanfiction#miw band#rick olson#ricky horror olson#soulmate au#soulmate#tattoos#ricky olson fanfic#vinny mauro fanfic#chris motionless#chris cerulli#chris cerulli fanfic#fic: every rose has its thorns
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Are there are asoiaf takes you find so rancid or annoying that you’ll block on the spot?
okay so first of all - i use the block button so loosely on here bc there’s no mute function and blacklisting a url would just bog my blacklist down. once again. pls staff a mute button for when it’s not that serious. but i will block someone, then feel bad because i notice my moots reblog them a lot and i'm like "oh they're not that annoying i was just in a bad mood" and unblock. there's only one (1) take i leave someone on permablock for. every other take i find particularly rancid or annoying is all stuff i just check before i follow rather than blocking over (which is why if u don't have searching on your blog, you'll see me liking your stuff over the span of months before following. i have issues!!! aldjf).
i specifically check for that one gifset that’s like “the direwolves predicting their starkling’s fate” that has sansa getting her head chopped off. if they have it on their blog, it's like 99% likely i'm about to permablock. it’s not only a silly prediction, it’s one made by people who are deeply projecting onto sansa. as she’s my favorite, i think that’s dumb obviously lol. BUT i check for it bc like. U All Know That Group of Arya Stans. i know you know because they’ve commented on at least two of your posts with the most bizarre take you’ve ever seen. i reply when they comment on my stuff (usually just once tho & the people who delete right away are valid) but i’m not out here LOOKING for them lol, i’m actively avoiding it, and That Specific Gifset is a good litmus test for whether a Crazy Stan Groupie just hate followed me or something. also, One Of That Group, as in not just a groupie, has me blocked on this blog AND my main one which i know bc i can’t reblog from half those source blogs they run aksjdj so if i notice someone’s real involved with that group, i just pre-emptivly block bc if i can’t even reblog half of what someone is posting what’s the point there 🤧🤧
but what do i check before following/what opinions have annoyed me enough that it's lead to me "muting" aka blacklisting a url? well-
curtain of light and it’s offshoots which include “targ incest baby will save the world.” lol, lmao. they’re not right but if they’re right i’m deleting my blog and never talking about the series again and i’m so serious. i have my dignity!!
people who go on frequently about rhaenyra being entitled, evil, not worthy, "oh well the LEGALITY," or hyper focus on her violence (esp if they’re also an aemond stan🤧). i absolutely Do block people who say shit like “rhaenyra is unfeminist because she doesn’t want to marry laenor but wants to marry daemon.” tho. why? clearly zero critical thinking skills lol i think u can joke about her having bad taste in men without All Of That.
i avoid people who are hardcore into the belief that dany is the unambiguous hero for obvious reasons. if they think she’ll be queen of westeros, if they actively shoot down criticism of her actions in the bay & towards mmd and irri? nah, and i've muted and blocked people for this one if they're particularly nastie. i DO follow idk three or four dany stans but they're generally not out here actively beefing with people and also they tend to hate emilia’s acting too lol, like they’re not Targ Nation.
(which, related, but people who stan dany but are tg? THEE most obnoxious people in this fandom, i NEVER follow those people).
rhaelya. even my fellow “well i like it BECAUSE it’s toxic” shippers don’t get into this one. it’s like people who swallow dany rewriting drogo/dany in her head to me. no critical thinking skills.
i really am just obsessively reading people’s stark tags before following BUT anything on ned being an enabler, being too honorable to shit, “oh would he even save lyanna from robert if robert started physically abusing her." why? it just annoys me aksjdj , we spend an entire NOVEL rolling around in that man’s psyche and we shouldn’t be missing the point like this.
“dornish people aren’t non white” takes. that’s directly contradicted by the text, i don’t give a shit about any casting, there’s so clearly an ethnic and racial difference at play here with how the rest of Westeros treats Dorne. you either understand that or you’re a moron.
#asks#anons#there’s also like a high percentage of terfs and zionists and weird racist libs in various corners of this fandom#so i Do also check for radfem weasel words and try to search for any anti zionist leanings#but the weird lib racists are p easy to find they usually have dog shit takes on dorne already#u kno the ones who will bitch in comments about how you’re drawing someone’s skin too dark. but then if u criticize their fave girl they sa#it’s misogyny. those types. very easy to spot bc they can’t stop themselves from shutting the fuck up.
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yk what i find funny? 🤭 walk with me! (xxoxobree pt. 2)
if you don’t like drama then scroll along! 💋
let’s do this one last time 😒 yawn frl. bc apparently bree writes smut now!
this specific blogger, @/impeanutsstuff is named bree. she lives in the bahamas. she’s a sagittarius, favorite color red. coincidence? i think not…
let’s observe!:
i came across this account this morning thanks to one of my friends.
@/brees-dreams was liking up bree’s posts whenever we were initially arguing last month, right? right.
this post is from years ago. notice how she says @/brees-dreams is her other acc. i noticed and reblogged, cz i’m 100% sure that account and this one are two of bree’s alt. i reblogged it implying what i was thinking.
i knew @/brees-dreams was her alt so i had her blocked before this, i just never spoke about it publicly. i unblocked this certain alt to see smthn. all of a sudden, she followed me and liked my post?? 😭 why would you like a post where i’m bashing you?! i guess she didn’t notice that she had dropped her @ in her “get to know me” post.
me being me, i pointed it out.
when she realized, she unfollowed me and later blocked me. 🤷♀️ why would you block me if you truly didn’t know what was going on?? i came w receipts all around bc i’m not playing w nb 🫶🫶
she later unblocked me but i blocked her again cz i have all i need now!
the post is right here, feel free to go thru the thread and you’ll see this what i’m saying is true.
miss nut then claims then claims that she “doesn’t know me and bree’s beef.” if you scroll back up to the top of this post to my initial reblog, you’ll see how i mentioned that she was liking up bree’s posts. it seems like she constantly misses the vital points i’m making!
look at this bs 😭 but she “doesn’t know our beef” right?? then she acts like she doesn't know bree's handle, which is why she refers to her as "that other creator" in order to sell her lie. this is one of the multiple posts she liked tho... like why do we not try and cover up our tracks atp?? 🤦♀️ she’ll never learn bro
idk what’s going on with bros age bc she said she was 16 in 2016 on her peanut acc then she posted her passport on xxoxobree which shows she’s 17 or smthn ion know… we ain’t getting into allat cz irdc!! 😭 she lied about her age, and a bunch of other shit either way, and it caught up to her. i stood ten toes down and now we know the undeniable truth sooo.
also, these are bree’s alts that i know of: @/brees-dream @/averagegirlie @/imleahleah @/impeanutsstuff
so that's that. what more is there to say really? lol. you do clownery, the clownery comes back to bite! and it’s right in your face. now y'all see we were never bsing. i hv nothing more to prove, this is who she is.
i’d really like to see miss munch try and debunk this one! 🫶
#ash spills 💋#miles morales x reader#earth 42 miles morales x reader#downfall of the munch part 2#atsv fics#cz you tried it again#and failed#atsv fic writers#xxoxobree
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How to Cast Spells, My Way 💀
Rodolfo's altar looking cool. We both enjoy the purple!
This post is about how I cast spells. I figure, hell, they work - why not share a little? Everyone is different.
I cast my very first spell at 12 years old. I had Laurie Cabot's first book, "Power of the Witch." I loved that book - still do! I have a copy. Learning how to go into alpha with the Crystal Countdown is something that I still use for my students, but modified for death work. Lol! Sounds weird. Ha!
She had information on casting spells, so I followed her instructions to a "T." Within a month, my spell worked! I got what I asked for. I was all in. Never looked back. Her technique with spell casting is very exact and careful, which is true for most Wiccan spells, because God forbid the Threefold Law! And yes, I was Wiccan for a few years!
It is very important to be exact with spells. Some may argue with me because they say you shouldn't enforce your will onto other ppl. I call bollocks here. It doesn't matter. All magic is manipulation of some kind. If something goes awry with your spell and it hurts someone, you just have to take it as it comes. You simply cannot avoid all possible bad outcomes. Shit happens, deal. Lol!
That isn't to say that you shouldn't be responsible with your spell casting. Before any spell you do, divination should be consulted first. This can help avoid negative results. If you are unsure, have a friend or even an online reader divine for you.
The way that I cast spells is very simple. I divine first. If its good, I gather items, though I do check my books, not websites, for correspondences. I figure out who I want to go to for assistance which is usually Rodolfo. I set up the altar correctly, with the right amount of glasses of water and as many candles as well - plus what shape they need to be in. For the rite, I invoke Rodolfo with my Baston de Muerto using the Earth Siphoning technique, make the Muerteria opening the veil sign and start my spell. I raise energy my chosen way and release. After that, I read Rodolfo passages or psalms from his Bible. I meditate and smoke with him, then I say goodbye and make the Muerteria closing sign.
Items for spells:
You don't need fancy accoutrements for spells. Ligature magic (tying knots) is very powerful and all you need is a shoelace type of cord. Candles are great but they are so cliché. Witch peers into dancing flame! I adore candle magic, just did some today. But I'm moving toward non-flammable magic currently. With a lot of gestures, movements and signs as well as using parchment for written spells - which is right where I began with Laurie Cabot. Words mean a lot too.
So, during your next spell, come up with a short 2 or 3 line chant. Make it flow as best as you can. It doesn't need to be lyrical or poetic. Shoot from the hip and keep it real. Share it with other Witches/magic folks. I have a really good one that works very well for ppl who use it. Its been published in a book of spells. Its for unblocking and road opening.
"All of my roads are open. All of my blocks are unblocked."
How easy! Almost dumb. But it works! Sometimes the most simple drivel can be amazing. 😅
Well, I hear that some folks out there put timing on their spells. If it works, fine. But to those who are thinking about doing it, don't. Magic is like a wild creature - don't try to tame or control it. Why? It will eventually kick your pretty Witch arse! It may be cool to think you have magic in your hand - but ya probably don't. Nature will fix ya. Think about the end of "The Craft." Lol! When magic goes rogue on teenage witch bitches...love that movie! Thank God I was in college when that movie came out! 😂
Techniques of spell casting & tips
There's tons of things on the interwebs. There's just a few things that I like to do. Here:
I trace sigils (I usually say firmas) with invisible blue or orange flames. Blue is for cooler energy, calm spells. Obviously, orange amps things up.
I make sure to add blood to my spell oils.
If I cast some type of circle, I make sure that I carry each element around the perimeter to represent balance (i.e. carry incense for Air, etc)
Use crystals in spell casting! They are so empowering! And they hold all of that wonderful energy you raised for your spell. You can carry them after the ritual.
To raise energy: Chant or spin in a circle. Those are the two fastest physical ways that I know. You can build a cone of power and send it off into the cosmos with your pure intent.
Burn herbs that relate to the spell. Another quick intent motion.
Don't say things like "my spell will come true." Say "my spell IS true, and so it IS." Not "will be." See the difference?
Eh, just a few. Could update! Pls share!
M.M. 💖💀💖
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there's a person I used to be friends with/dated briefly in high school before we had a major falling out (my fault, though honestly at this point I don't even really remember the details) and I blocked her and the entire rest of our at the time friend group here and everywhere else and then didn't think about any of them for several years. but then last year I thought about them again and went looking through the list of all the blogs I've blocked (damn pornbots making the list so fucking long honestly) until I found her blog and I went through it just to make sure it was the right one and now I just. keep checking her blog every few months or so
I don't really know why, it's not like I learn anything other than maybe what her latest interest is, there's not really any point to it. I wonder what she's up to and how she's doing sometimes, but she never posts about anything like that, so it's not like looking at her blog is really answering any questions I might have. and I sure as shit can't just unblock her (yes, I've left her blocked, because it's easier to find her blog that way) and message her out of the blue like "hey! remember me? your ex from high school who burned every bridge with you and everyone else we knew at the time? lol yeah that was wild wasn't it. I actually don't even remember what happened, sorry I had untreated bipolar disorder and was a mess and probably melted down on you over shit that wasn't your fault, completely my b. don't worry I've been to therapy and I promise I'm way cooler now. anyway how are you"
I live in fear that one day I'm going to accidentally hit the like button on something she posted without thinking and somehow even though I've blocked her she won't have blocked me and it'll go through and she'll be someone who actually looks at her notes and see that I liked the post and then look at my blog, realize it's me, and know that I was looking at her blog. and think I'm really weird for it, which, to be fair, I am, I think. sometimes she reblogs something I think is funny and I go to OP's blog and reblog it too. but like, I could do that anywhere on anyone's blog, so...I have no idea what I'm doing here or why. but I just keep checking her blog
.
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Dump recently just confirmed they still stalked your blogs to see if you were "still being stupid" until you blocked them. Weird how they cry about being "violated" by your mental disorder then proceed to give you room in their head rent free.
Can't wait until they start claiming you're the bad guy for cutting someone like that off. Not gonna bring up their claims of Ver "lovebombing" them.
- Do they all have their own group chat? Funny how that works. Always with the high school cliques~ 🖤
Hi I'd like to move out of their fucking head.
They also were upset I blocked them, but this is exactly why I block people who block me. It's ignorant to continue to look at something if it's oh so upsetting. The first time they unblocked me to continue rambling, I blocked them. I'm so glad Jay also blocked them when they realized they were still slinking around.
Lovebombing, as if John himself doesn't go "stop talking ab me" then "thanks for the support" then "you make me uncomfortable" just because Jay said John made her uncomfortable. "sherlock is so bipolar" if we're using that as an insult and descriptor, well...
Mental and toxic, the lot of them. The way they're having a giggle because Jay literally worried about their own friends talking to a toxic person, "that sounds like blurry/jim". Wow. Crazy, that, someone being concerned. Also doesn't sound like me at all. I would have told them to slur and move on. Someone being worried about a friend? DOES sound like Jay. Doesn't sound like me at all. I don't do that back and forth shit man, I get too tired of it, of them. I stopped talking to John MONTHS ago. I wouldn't have warned him against shit. He made his decisions.
Sorry for answering this for Jay, I have a lot of energy. She won't like my answers, she logged off earlier because I kept interjecting. Fuck John, fuck safetard, and I hope Dump comes to their senses because the way they're blindly believing John just- well. New victim. ect ect. lol
Although, if anyone ever requires a response from Kin (me), just ask for it. Or go to my main @folkinpunk or blurry I guess. @myeyesblurry I don't care
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m*thers
every time my mom is due to come back to CO, in the weeks leading up to her return, she's effervescent and effusive. secretly, my mom hates coming back to CO. don't know why, doesn't really matter. but instead of saying this from the outset, she conceals it until like 3 days before her flight out, or 1 day into her actual visit home.
then she picks fights. usually with us (me+my sister), her sister, or one or her friends. it's always over something trivial.
last time, i wanted to take her to my favorite brunch spot. my treat because her husband always treats me to nice dinners when i visit them. i told her 1000x it was my treat. the morning came that i had reservations for and i reminded her. she replied, "I DONT HAVE INFINITE MONEY TO SPEND TREATING YOU TO NICE MEALS!!!!"
three things: i said a thousand fucking times it would be my treat. none of the money in her account is actually hers because she hasn't worked in 5 years; it's her husband's. i had already bought dinner/breakfast/tickets to meow wolf/all of our ubers/her beer supply/food for home at that point.
i get testy and say that i was planning on treating us all and that her response was very hostile and unnecessary, especially when i have made it clear that i do not expect her to pay.
that was the final straw for her. she told me i was a bitch, selfish, "a mean daughter" (lmao. just lmao), that i had ruined her trip, that i made it so she never wanted to visit me again. she kicked me out of her airbnb and cut her trip short by 3 days.
THIS TIME, she tagged her (hotheaded, idiotic) sister in a photo on FB of them in california a year ago. her sister is trying to get disability and felt the photo may be harmful to her case. her sister, my aunt, is also insane and blows things way out of proportion — called my mom screaming at her, accusing her of sabotaging her case, etc, demanding she delete the photo. my mom deletes the photo. THEN she and her sister get into a three day back-and-forth via text and FB messenger about how the other is a cunt, accusing one another of playing the victim, digging up buried hatchets to swing them at each other, just going full scorched earth.
they block each other on everything. my mom says she doesn't plan to see my aunt when she comes home. i say yeah, probably a good idea, and at least she can't contact you now either.
a day passes. my mom unblocks her to continue arguing. she cannot leave it the fuck alone. she cannot refrain from continuing to stir the pot.
then she calls me crying because she wants to cancel her whole trip. because she "can't take it". i say what. she says YOUR AUNT!!!!!!! i say, didn't you already block her on everything and decide not to see her? you have to cancel your entire trip over someone who can't contact you who you weren't going to visit anyway? like there is 0 reason for this. also it isn't even "her trip", it's a trip her husband wanted to take so he could go to a football game with his childhood best friend. so she's making him eat shit on airline/airbnb cancellation fees and the tickets he has are going to waste because she can't stop being a fucking 11 year old about shit.
like talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face. i cannot imagine being married to this woman. it was unbearable being raised by her and at least now i get to choose my level of contact/involvement. but he works from home, she never leaves the house, and all she does is drink all day and pick fucking fights on facebook and feel sorry for herself. like sometimes when i hang with my stepdad i can barely recognize the light or spark in his eyes bc he's so deep in her darkness with 0 way out. he's isolated. he's trapped inside with her. i just feel bad.
i also feel a little relieved bc she's not coming home lol and i'd been dreading it the entire time. but now we all have to put on a fucking play about how she's not insane at all and it's actually totally reasonable to pick fights with people over stupid shit to goad them into being upset with you so you can feel justified about cancelling your plans and continuing to fester in your home bent over your ipad instead of getting fresh air, touching grass, seeing the people who still call themselves your friends.
idk it's just nuts. she is fully delusional.
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You know, they say exposing yourself to something that makes you uncomfortable in small, controlled (and safe!) ways is actually a good way to reduce your negative responses to it. You know - like exposure therapy and whatnot. What I'm saying is that interacting with art and such can actually be a good way to desensitize yourself, a little at a time. It's good not to overdo it, you don't want to cause yourself serious distress, but a little at a time in small increments, and in controlled fashions, can actually be helpful. Also it's your blog and who cares what other people think about what you reblog, right lol?
Also though - finding other interests can help too! Finding other people/characters that you like can help with moving forward from a past relationship over time. Either way, I'm sure you'll feel better about it eventually. But also according to what I've read, IE. isn't 30 years like, 1 week for you? (Not literally ofc but perspective wise.) So of course, it's gonna take you more time to move on from something. And that's okay, be patient with yourself!
this was a bit of a ramble lol but I hope this makes sense and helps a little bit. take care of yourself!
...Maybe so. It's why I unblocked the tags "Billford", "Stanford Pines" and, "Ford Pines". It still gets to me, but, slowly, I'm starting to get used to the idea of the past being the past.
As for the finding other interests... I have been wondering about who I am much more recently. Like... what defines me as Bill Cipher? Personality-wise, anyway. Just who am I underneath all the bull? What do I like? My dislikes??
I feel like a Goddamn toddler, honestly.
I know that I enjoy the beauty of space. Always have. Her stars overwhelm me, it's only a shame that I've yet to see a proper night sky. Put it on the bucket list of this life, I suppose.
I also know I enjoy science. I recently signed up for a daily science email newsletter, as well as just today signed up for a free month-long trial of Brilliant through a link from the latest Kurzgesagt - In A Nutshell youtube video. (Not sponsored here.) I've already gone through the first 1.0 set of lessons. This brain of ours has not seen much use outside of art for a long while. I plan on changing that.
I know that I'm not as big of a fan of coding or video games as Kevin is... and I enjoy black humor far more than he does, which is saying something.
And coffee is a delight, but black tea is better in my opinion. White tea is a rare delicacy. I should purchase those leaves every once in a while when I get the chance.
...Other than those things, I'm still rather lost on who I am. It's a good start though.
Also, that 30 years equalling 1 week thing... I'd say that it's certainly a problem for us. We have a shit sense of time. Most likely due to the mild brain damage we have... but also, that shit sense of time keeps getting us into trouble. How long ago did we do something? If over 5 hours pass, we're rather lost on when exactly something happened. And DO NOT get me started on our memory after we sleep. Practically a bleach wiped clean new start every. single. time. Ugh.
Also, I get the feeling that I never slept in my previous life. Which made the whole, "30 years as 1 week" thing more... yeah.
...Perhaps i will start reblogging some more art stuff.
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oh it goin DOWN on twitter
sorry for mobhundred discourse and also making this a little about me. #testimonials.
I've been staying out of it because of overlapping circles & callout posts being incendiary but I always disliked SC in a "this person is unlikable" way, didn't do anything but be self-righteous and overly sensitive. like
I'd DM my friend shit she says with her name cropped out to go "LOL", making sure not to name her because no one should be put on blast for being annoying. But "that includes telling someone to explode" is objectively funny as fuck
overall I interpreted all the sketchy stuff in the fic as like general incompetence? And stopped reading. Seeing the shit she did/wrote like the week after I cooled off from MP100 feels like an atom bomb going off behind my head like she HUH?>????
I don't actually think "neutral on proship discourse" should be a warning sign, it's well-known that discourse is meaningless namecalling. It can be necessary to state your allegiances in specifically MP100 fandom because it attracts like a SHOCKING amount of people really weird about 13-year-olds, though. Disproportionate to any other fandom I've ever been. Something in the goddamn water in that fandom stg its EVIL out there.
Anyway I think an obsessive fixation on pedophilia was the actual warning sign. The fic is constantly full of these whiplash interjects like a fixative "wow, sure hope no one thinks I'm a creep, kind of creepy lol" circling. This kind of uncharacteristic fixation is what She Doth Protest Too Much really looks like.
I don't have much in the way in personal stories because I just gave them space. Uhhh I ended up in a discord server where she was friends with just about every frequent poster and popular artist in there. I found her behaviour to be kind of argumentative, but never escalating. So I was like okay, I was being uncharitable, it's just that she's sensitive. Just because I don't like her doesn't mean I gotta be rude. She unblocked me (I was blocked for saying proship electric chair as a joke) and I so I tried to be supportive and sociable by getting into her fic for a while. And now people are posting the most singularly insane quotes I've ever seen from right after where I dropped off. Holy mary mother of god.
And ok. Not to be presumptuous. but her friend SpCh is a notorious flying monkey to the point when I made a thread about how people in the west don't really bother researching other cultures and basic aspects of other countries, assuming they know everything, and SpCh misinterpreted the entire thread so badly I can only assume she was defending SC's honour based on 1 tweet. GIRL I WAS TALKING ABOUT SCUM VILLAIN FANFIC. IF A HIT DOG HOLLERS?
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