#just to make him at least a little bit angsty is so fucking funny

[cybervigilante]

wally pointing and laughing at roy, dick, and garth because he has a completely uncomplicated relationship with his mentor, was treated well and kept safe throughout his time at Barry’s side, and actually had the time of his life as KF

[teddypines]

The aftermath

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Sumary: The aftermath of a not so great mission. Reader x task force 141, Fem!reader (she/her pronounce)

Note: This is a rather long one, it bit angsty and i might make a part 2 to this. I want tf 141 in Schotland!! Also yes the picture up top does not match the vibe of the story, but it's a funny picture. Art / picture is from pintrest, credits go to the creator

To Scotland Part 2

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Location: Safehouse, unknown. Date:  somewhere in September. 20XX

Both Gaz and Ghost lay on the only two beds in the whole safehouse, Gaz more hurt then Ghost, but both still beaten up quiet bad. Soap kept watch for now as Price went out to try and contact Laswell and any share or form while Y/N tried to make something eatable out of there rations. They’ve been stuck in the safehouse for over 2 weeks and with both Gaz and Ghost hurt things just didn’t look bright.

Soap sighed and stood up from his spot next to Gaz and Ghost. He quietly left the room to go check on Y/N and the food. He was tired and didn’t really get much sleep at night, not with Y/N clinging onto him like a koala. He didn’t mind it a lot since it kept him warm, but the way she slept on his arm made him wake up every hour or so. 

Y/N looked up when Soap walked into the small kitchen. “How are they doing? Any better?” She asked worriedly. “Gaz, was awake for a few minutes and Ghost helped me clean his bandages this time, so i would say they are getting better just very slowly.” Soap answered as he stood next to Y/N by the stove. “Bloody hell, what is that?” Soap asked the moment he had a look inside the pan. “I’m not sure, I tried to make stew, but with what little we have it is kinda hard to make it. I’m hoping the Captain comes back with something more useful after his call with Laswell.” Soap nodding also hoping the same thing.

<-------------------------------------------------->

Price did come back with something useful for the stew and a promise that they wouldn’t have to stay in the safe house for much longer. An evacuation team was on the way. 

Soap and Price made sure the rabbit was skinned and gutted before Y/N cut it and put it in the stew. When Ghost walked into the room. “Fuck what is that smell?” “Rabbit and you should be back in bed.” Price answered Ghost’s question before walking over to his lieutenant. “Come on, back to bed Simon, you are not supposed to be out of it.” Ghost groaned at Price, hating how he used his name to get him to do what he wanted. He quickly, but carefully, made his way to Y/N “Just let me kiss the lass first, then i'll go back.” 

Y/N looked up at Ghost. “It’s good to see you are a bit better, but please do as John says and rest. Don’t want you to be even more wounded than you already are.” She said while lifting Ghost’s mask just to be above his nose. “And just one kiss” Ghost didn’t listen to her, leaned down and gave Y/N one long kiss and two short ones before kissing her forehead. Soap then helped Ghost back to his bed in the other room, practically forcing him back and away from Y/N. 

“Want one too, now that they are gone?” Y/N asked as she made her way to Price, who slowly nodded his head. “Please.” They both smiled and Y/N wrapped her arms around the captain. “Thank you for making food for us these past two weeks, lass, made it less rancid” Y/N laughed and then gave Price his well-deserved kiss. “Better now?” “So much better.”

Soap came back into the room and rubbed his eyes a bit. “Is it okay if I nap on the couch for a little while? At least until dinner.” “Of course Johnny, I'll get you a blanket” Y/N said to the tired Scots man. She pulled away from Price and walked over to the chair near the couch to get Soap his blanket. She proceeds to tuck Soap in before he drifts off to sleep.

<----------------------------------------------------->

It took another week for the evac team to find them and to pick them up from the safe house. By that time Ghost was much better and his wounds started to heal nicely, but Gaz was still out of it. Y/N walked next to the carrier Gaz lay on while the medical team took him to the plane. They wanted to look her over too, but she refused. Just needing to know that Gaz was safe on the plane first before anything else could be done or checked on. 

The medical team could finally check on Y/N and the others once Gaz was safe on the plane with Nikolai. Turns our Price had been hiding a broken rib and a bullet wound for three weeks. Ghost was still the same, but got some morphine to deal with the pain. Soap and Y/N were both fine aside from some scratches and healed wounds.

“We got some food for you all on the plane” Laswell said as she helped Ghost on the plane. “Something not rations or gross” “Like a hamburger?” Soap asked as he sat down next to Y/N with a blanket. “Sadly, no, it’s chicken noodle soup with a piece of bread if you like.” Laswell answered. She sat Ghost down on one of the medical beds. “We could get you hamburgers once we’re back at base.”

Soap pouted a bit as Laswell tells him that there are no hamburgers, but he was happy that there was chicken noodle soup to warm up to and to have something that is actually food for the first time in weeks. He did however hope that Y/N would make rabbit stew once in the future, just to see if she could make it even better with real ingredients. Y/N looked over at Soap and smiled. “What ya thinking about?”

“Just food and you.” Soap answered with a big smile. “Ah, so two of your favourite things, I see.” Y/N remarked as she slowly lay her head on Soap’s shoulder. 

They all got settled on the plane, got medical attention even when it wasn’t really needed and got as much chicken noodle soup as they wanted. Nikolai got the okay from Laswell and started the plane, taking his favourite task force back home.

<---------------------------------------------------------->

Location: secret military base, England  Date: 29 September, 20XX

Y/N made her way over to the medical wing, a care package from Gaz’s mom in hand. Gaz was still out of it, but he was slowly getting better. Of course it worried the others, they hated seeing someone they loved hurt. As Y/N stepped inside the room Gaz lay in she turned on the lights. The steady beeping of Gaz’s monitors filling the quiet room. “Hey, Kyle, your mom sent you a care package again. She’s worried, you know, just like we are. She feels bad that she can’t come over and take care of you.” Y/N started to talk to Gaz in a quiet tone. She sat down on the chair next to his hospital bed and started to unpack the care package. “I promised her I would take extra care of you on our last call so she made you a bigger care package than last time.”

Y/N pulled out the first item out of the box and smiled. “She put in a framed picture of your family. I’ll put it on the nightstand so they can watch over you,” She explained before putting the picture on the nightstand next to the bed. “Owh and look at this, it’s a little sheep plushie, owh and their name is fuzzy” Y/N melted as she took the sheep plushie out of the box. It almost made her want to cry. Just wanting her Kyle back with her. She placed the plushie in bed with Gaz and continued to go through the box. 

“There are some drinks and snacks in here too and i think your mom put in a bottle of stock for soup.”

“Yes, it’s beef stock, and there is a pack of funny pasta’s in here for the soup. I’ll make you the soup when you’re better. Wouldn’t want to waste any of this good soup without you having a taste of home” Y/N said as the lump in her throat got a bit bigger. She looked at the door, closed, and then back at Gaz. First she put down the care package and then crawled into the hospital bed. “Please get better soon Kyle, I miss you, we all miss you.” Y/N whispered before crying herself to sleep next to Kyle. 

<-------------------------------------------------------->

Location: secret military base, England  Date: between 11 October, 20XX and 26 October, 20XX

Entry’s out of Soap’s Journal.

October, 11th, 20XX Y/N hasn’t been eating a lot lately. It worries me. I try to get her to eat, but she just won’t eat a lot. I get that she is worried about Kyle, we all are, but she can’t stop taking care of herself, yet she did. John said it will pass once Kyle is up again, but I have a feeling that won’t be for a little while. 

October, 13th, 20XX I talked to Simon about it, he sees it too. Both John and Y/N are looking worse than when we were in the safe house. We try to help them, it works a bit. Works more when Simon does it, but then again he has more balls than me.

Called home today, mom is worried too. She said that if Kyle is better again we can all stay with her and dad at the farm. I think that would do all of us a great deal of good. Just hope Kyle wakes up soon. 

October 17th, 20XX Simon got Y/N and John to eat properly today, took us 2 hours of fighting and 30 minutes of trying to comfort Y/N, but they ate. 

The doctor’s say that Kyle is getting better, but that he is taking his time. He did wake up for a bit when one of the night nurses checked up on him last night. She said he asked about us. 

Kyle’s mom sent a care package again, this time with mostly stuff for us and not Kyle. I might call her tomorrow, tell her how things are going. 

October 20. I caught Y/N sleeping with Kyle again today. I really hate seeing her like this. John is doing better tho. He’s been sleeping with me and Simon a lot at night. Y/N sleeps with Kyle most nights, scared he might die when she is not around. 

21 October, 20XX Kyle is finally doing a lot better, still not awake, but doing better enough to give Y/N a calm mind and to get her back in bed with us. Eating is still an issue, but we are working on it. 

We saw Alex at base today with Laswell. It was nice seeing him again, he looks good. Farah is rubbing off on him and it shows.

October 25, 20XX Called mom again today. Well, Y/N took over after about 10 minutes, she needed to hear my mom’s voice and that everything was going to be okay.

Simon and I talked about going to my parents after Kyle wake’s up. He thinks it’s a good idea too.

October 26, 20XX Kyle finally woke up. We are all over the moon and he is doing great. Y/N is making the soup she promised to him when he was out of it and John and Simon are staying close to Kyle.

We all talked about it and once it’s okay for Kyle to leave we are going to my parents for a month or 3.

[cod-dump]

Oh no now I'm having a lot of angsty feelings about Soap being "the least favourite" /and/ knowing it. It's all fun and jokes and everybody's laughing even when they go as far as leaving that little bothering feeling behind them and Soap might really believe it. It's all funny until they find themselves in critical situation and Soap is the fastest to make a hard decision and to make a sacrifice because he knows that if he would wait a little longer with making up his mind he might start thinking about it too hard. He has to be fast and let nobody get hurt (but he doesnt take himself under the equation).

Favorite

Soap centric fic

___

“Sometimes I just want to lock you in your room and throw away the key!”

“Does that mean I’m demoted to least favorite?”

It was a running joke that started a while back when Soap had first joined 141. Back then Soap was the outcast. Price, Ghost, and Gaz had known each other for quite some time and it felt strange when Soap joined. Soap had somewhat knew Price but not as well as Ghost or Gaz. As time went on and he became more welcomed into the fold, that joke still remained.

Gaz and Ghost always seemed to be competing for being favorite. And when Farah was around she automatically took first place and Ghost and Gaz were then fighting for second place. And Soap? Soap was always in last place no matter what. He always acted like it never bothered him. Always joked with everyone when someone brought it up or even was the one who made the joke first.

That’s all it was: A joke. Just a joke that they all laughed at together.

But some days it feels like it isn’t a joke. Some days Soap still didn’t feel like he was a part of a family, just a member of a team. He doesn’t have rank over anyone, isn’t that important either. He’s just a guy that’s good at blowing things up enough that he was recruited into 141. He’s no one special.

Soap watches Gaz get put in a headlock by Ghost, Price laughing at them before he separates them. He had a hand on each of their shoulders to keep them in place as they laughed. Soap knew if he walked over their attitudes would change, that the father/sons moment would be over. So he stayed put, watching from the sidelines as Gaz hides behind Price and taunts Ghost.

“Watch your tongue, Sergeant,” growled Ghost in a playful manner.

Gaz just grinned, “You may have rank over me but-!”

He wraps his arms around Price’s shoulders, “I’m the favorite~”

Price rolls his eyes dramatically, “Here we go-“

Soap left as Ghost managed to chase Gaz off of Price and grab him again.

He ended up in the training grounds. He just walked until he found a secluded spot and sat. It was later in the evening but the sun wasn’t that low in the sky yet. Birds were chirping still so Soap determined that he could probably stay out here for a good bit before he would be missed.

He would be missed… right? If something happened to him? Right?

_

They were cornered, unable to push forward without taking more causalities. Price was calling for support while Ghost and Soap were giving them as much cover as possible. Soap ducked down as a grenade is thrown, exploding far enough away that it wouldn’t rock their position. But still close enough where the shrapnel from the blast could hurt.

Ghost fell to the ground, a piece of twisted metal through the meat of his shoulder.

“Fuck-! GHOST!”

Soap felt panic set in as Gaz crawled over, desperately making sure Ghost wasn’t hit anywhere else. Soap could see Price, see him thinking. If there’s one thing that Soap knew about Price, it’s that his boys come first. He could see the man debating, his hand clutched over his radio in a tight grip. Soap knew he was thinking about doing something stupid so they could get out of there.

Soap acts without much more thought.

“SOAP!”

Soap charged out of cover, shooting at the enemy and drawing their attention on him. Somehow he managed to get two blocks away from where they were taking cover. Somehow he managed to get into a building and hold his ground and keep the enemy’s attention on him. Somehow he managed to stay alive. Eventually he ran out of bullets so he had to hide, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he waited. They were going to find him.

Soap sat there until the sun went down, still on edge and waiting for the enemy. But they never showed. Did he fail? Fail to get them off the others? Was all of this for nothing? Soap felt tears fall down his face. He could hear gunfire outside of the building. It sounded close. Who were they shooting at? Soap hears people moving through the halls of the building. He grips the knife he kept from the hell that was Las Almas (Ghost never made an effort to take it back) and waits.

He heard the door open to the room he was hiding in and he immediately held his breath and closed his eyes.

“Soap? Are you here?”

Soap opens his eyes, a shaky breath escaping him, “N-Nik?”

Soap stands from his hiding place to see Nik at the doorway. The man laughed out in relief and rushed over to Soap, pulling him into a fierce hug. Soap leans completely into the man, relief flooding him.

“We thought you were dead.”

Soap swallows back his emotions and tries to speak clearly, “Too stubborn to die in this hell hole.”

Nik laughs and pulls away, checking Soap for injuries as he makes a call through the radio.

“I found him. He’s alive.”

Nik motions Soap to follow him back through the building. Soap followed, one question plaguing them.

“The others… are they-?”

“They made it out. Thanks to you.”

Soap sobs out in relief, following Nik back to the ground. The trip back to base was the longer than the trip to the combat zone. Soap fell asleep after getting settled in his seat. It wasn’t a very pleasant nap, but it was better than nothing. He woke when they landed. When he got out of the helicopter, he could see Price. Soap nervously walked towards the stone faced man, unsure what was going to happen.

When he reached Price, he stood at attention.

“Captain Price, sir.”

Price said nothing. He looked him over, swallowed, then grabbed Soap and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Soap couldn’t help but return it, tears in his eyes as Price held him.

“Don’t ever do something so fucking stupid like that again! I thought I lost you…”

Soap stopped trying to hold back the tears and starts to cry. He clings to Price and after a couple minutes he leads him inside. Soap was soon jumped by Gaz who was in tears.

“I thought you were dead!”

Soap was almost knocked to the floor by the force of Gaz’s hug. But damn, it was a good hug. It took some convincing from Price and Soap to get Gaz to let him go.

“Where’s Ghost?”

“Medical. That shrapnel did a number on him.”

“Can I see him?”

“Tomorrow. He just got out of surgery not too long ago and both him and you need to rest.”

Soap didn’t bother to argue. He took a long shower, changed into his softest sleeping clothes (they were Christmas themed but he didn’t care) and passed out. Soap came to find that he slept like a baby after all that hell he went through. He slept past his alarm and well into the afternoon. No one said anything to him about it when he finally emerged from his room. Gaz found him quickly and made sure he ate breakfast before they both went to Price’s office.

Soap couldn’t remember the last time he spent so much time in Price’s office to just hang out. Gaz was practically attached to his side as they sat on the floor and enjoyed listening to Price cuss at the reports he was looking over. When Soap finally went to see Ghost, he was lucky the man was bedridden.

“YOU FUCKER! I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD YOU CUNT!”

Soap had to go to Ghost so the man could try to squeeze the life out of him with one arm.

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Let me tell you now, you're the lucky one

(Enemies to Enemies Who Fuck)

(HaruKaku in Bonten timeline)

(some past-MuSan and past-KakuIza with a subtle RanOmi bc why not, it's my fic and I don't have self-restrain when it comes to multishipping)

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

Warnings: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat!

All of them. Bonten is their own warning. Substance abuse. Really unhealthy coping mechanisms. Depression. Mental health problems. Suicide. Major character death. (it's Bonten, they all want to kill themselves and some of them succeed, okay?) Mentions of unsafe sex, but there is no smut or graphic depiction of it.

I tried to not be too graphic with any of this topics, the focus is mostly on what the characters are thinking/feeling. But it's hard anyway, tbh the last scene was actually difficult and painful for me to write. So please, don't take the CW lightly and prioritize your mental health!

Angst and Hurt/No Comfort.

MANGA SPOILERS!!!!

Notes: HaruKaku came as an hilarious idea. Because they are hilarious, let's be real. Soulmates archnemesis, doomed to hate each other in every timeline. But then Bonten happened and of course, I ended up writing some angsty shit instead of focusing in all the other moments when they are hilarious. Kudos for me, yey! 🥲

This is canon complicit (again, is Bonten, beware!)

It alternates from Kakucho's POV to Sanzu's POV. I did that thing again of using "Haruchiyo" when he's in his most vulnerable state because for some reason I like playing with his name like this.

(English is not my first language, be nice please 🙈)

(the art is from @just-sp-in-inginthevoid who is in part responsible for the archnemesis brain riot, but mostly the hilarious part, tbh)

Is not that Kakucho enjoys Sanzu's company. Or that the pinkette gradually started to grow on him. Quite the opposite, to be honest. He hates him a little bit more every day, every shared mission, every time they had to spent hours together.

But with Sanzu, he feels. He feels intensely, he feels with passion. Even if it's twisted, at least he's not empty anymore. The void that threatens to devour him seems to disappear when he's around the other man. Sometimes, Kakucho wants to murder him, but he knows he can't. Others, he wonders what would happen to him if he also loses the only person that it's still able to provoke an intense emotion on him.

Hate is better than apathy, isn't it?

They hate each other passionately. Sanzu finds his reactions too funny for stopping it, always willing to go a little further, to push Kakucho to the edge. It's too easy to pick on him, making him forget about his allegedly righteous patience.

It's disgusting, how Kakucho thinks of himself like he was better than the rest of them. So Sanzu enjoys to proves him wrong, to show him that they are the same (even if he can't stand that fact either, seeing that burning rage in those heterochromatic eyes makes it worth it).

Now that he thinks about it, it was probably a matter of time, considering that his king denied them the right to kill each other, they needed to find a way of releasing all that build up anger. That's probably why isn't that surprising when it finally happens.

It looked like a regular night. Sanzu was high as a kite, trying to forget every one of his lives. Kakucho just seemed to be there, he can't recall exactly why, some type of report, but he didn't pay any attention to it at the moment, too intoxicated for actually caring for something that could wait until tomorrow.

“Why are you still here? You like me that much or what?”

The pinkette man says, slurring his words.

“Are you that high? You know I hate you.”

Is the harsh answer that he earns. It's brutal, but real. Kakucho's honesty has something that grounds him to the present. It's sickening. It's exactly what he wants right now.

“I hate you too, don't worry.” He laughs, finding his own words amusing. “Think about it, me and you. Just us, hating each other all night long.”

“You're crazy.”

“And you didn't say no.”

(If he was more honest with himself, he would admit that he was trying to find another way of punishing his broken mind and his body. But he's not.)

And oh, it actually feels good. Kakucho fucks him with the same brutality that talks to him. He couldn't bear any type of gentle touch (specially not from someone that it's so linked to Mucho, but he isn't thinking in that, he promised himself to forget his old captain a long time ago).

There isn't any type of care between them, only spite. Both men are too broken for having the ability to love someone again. Indeed, this was precisely what he needed. This is perfect.

The next day, Kakucho feels nauseated. How couldn't he? Sanzu was high as fuck, too intoxicated to give proper consent to do anything. So even if he was also a little drunk, even if it wasn't his idea, Kakucho feels guilty for what happened.

Until Sanzu just laughs at his poorly attempt of apologizing, mocking his morals once more. He was about to punch him in the face, but the lingering guilt doesn't allow him to do it. Not that one more bruise would make a difference, actually.

Both are covered in so many marks that more than sex, it looks like they tried to kill each other. Yeah, maybe he should stop feeling sorry for Sanzu, considering this. Maybe that was the best way to get rid of that not-so-pent-up hate.

And it works. At least for a while, it works. Until it happens again. And again.

Is not that they are lovers (Kakucho wants to puke with that idea). They just fuck from time to time. That's all. They hate each other, they wish they could kill the other. But they can't. So, sometimes, they fuck.

Their relationship is not pretty. At all. Or better. If Kakucho had to use only one word for describing it, he would say “real”. They don't lie to each other, what would be the point? Both are too able of seeing between the lies, they are too similar in so many ways. But that raw honesty only makes it worse.

Kakucho knows it's a mistake, that he shouldn't care about Sanzu's fate (he brought it on himself and he doesn't seem to have any complains). But Mikey is worse every day, the king is falling and his loyal dog is falling with him. Kakucho needs to do something, because the uneasiness he feels every time he sees them is now living rent-free in his mind.

That's why, one day, Kakucho tries. He's trying to find his clothes, dressing quickly, wanting to get out of this room that only makes him feel sick. Then, he looks at Sanzu, his pink hair scattered on the pillows, a lazy and satisfied smile than only appears after sex (and never lasts). There is some twisted vulnerability in how content the other man is while lighting up a joint, as if seeing these new swelling (all this pain) on his skin was something he wanted.

(Kakucho can't shake the feeling that Sanzu is using him as another way of hurting himself and that infuriates him so fucking much... Maybe that's the real reason why he decides against his best judgment and opens his big mouth.)

“Is not worth it.”

“Uh?”

Sanzu looks at the other, not sure if he actually heard something. He just wants to smoke and relax, to feel the post-orgasmic satisfaction while it lasts, to enjoy the pain in his body (one more of his little punishments).

“I said is not worth it. Dying with Mikey.”

If it had been anyone else, Sanzu would shoot him in the face just for saying this. Thinking like that, talking like that about his king is treason. It should be. But it's difficult to pretend Kakucho's isn't right about this when, unfortunately, it's the only one Sanzu trusts with Mikey's well-being (It's the one he calls every time Mikey is being suicidal again).

“You wish you could be me, you wish you had died with Izana.”

Sanzu spits his words, burning with all the rage he feels every time he has to acknowledge the reality of how is Mikey.

“That's not what this is about-”

Kakucho is unable to finish his sentence, turning pale in anger when Sanzu cuts him. 'Good'.

“You're a selfish bastard, aren't you? You want me to be like you, stuck here with no purpose, jerking yourself with the memory of a ghost. Pretend it's because of your high morals, that you're worried about me or some other bullshit. But you're just another selfish bastard. And you envy me.”

If it had been anyone else, Sanzu would shoot him in the face. But he can't (he wants to, oh, he wants it so much, but he can't disobey Mikey's orders). So, instead of bullets, he uses his words.

“At least Izana cared about me.”

Is the last thing he hears before Kakucho slams the door. Sanzu laughs maniacally, throwing the first shit he can find to the place the other man was a few seconds a go. He's momentary satisfaction long forgotten, replaced only by hate (and pain, but one that he refuses to see).

The worst part is that in a sickening way, he trusts Kakucho. They don't lie to each other, that makes it so much worse, because both of them know that what the other said is true. He hates him, he hates him with every fiber of his body. He doesn't want this words to be true, he can't accept that. He needs to keep living in this denial, to pretend Mikey is fine (to pretend he doesn't keep mixing this Mikey with that in his nightmares, to pretend they don't look so alike).

It's been three days. Three whole days since Mikey's death was splattered on the news (no one seems to care about Takemichi's death, even with all that footage of how the hero tried to save the most dangerous man in Japan). Kakucho cares, but he knows damn well that he wouldn't be welcomed within the hero's friends, so he would have to say goodbye in his own way (again).

During this days, Kakucho learned some things, like the fact that apparently everyone had some kind of contingency plan in case this happened (no, for when this happened, all of them could see that Mikey was more on the edge every day). But nobody spoke to him about it, keeping him in the darkness, the only idiot that didn't prepare himself for the end. Well, not the only, he knows that, of course he knows that.

(Sanzu would have killed them in the blink of an eye. Anyone who dared to imply that Bonten needed to be prepared to function without a king.)

Kakucho understands the need for secrets, of course he does. The idea of Mikey falling would be considered treason a few days ago, it was taboo to think like that. At the same time, none of them wanted to acknowledge it, like saying it out loud would make it more real. He can't even be mad when the Haitanis (obviously) thought about him on their own schemes, making sure Kakucho was also safe. Or as safe as any of them could be now that Bonten was crumbleling.

It's been three days. Bonten is crumbleling. Mikey is dead. And Sanzu disappeared the same day. Everyone knows he's dead, but they don't say it. Not in front of Takeomi, who's still desperately looking, going out in the rain for hours. Trying to find something, some clue that leads him to his little brother. Clinging to the hope that he's still alive somewhere. That he's going to find him, high as fuck, but alive (Kakucho thinks being able to find Sanzu's body at all would already be a miracle).

Only Ran is able to convince Takeomi to rest a little bit, promising that he and Rindou will help with the search as long as the older man gets a few hours of sleep. Takeomi just nods, mumbling “Today is his birthday, Ran. Is his fucking birthday and he's out there alone.” while Ran drags him softly, a concerned look plastered in those violet eyes.

Kakucho hates it, hates having to see all this sorrow around him (again). He doesn't lament the loss of Mikey and Sanzu, he's incapable of doing it. Grief took his heart for hostage a long time ago, there is nothing more for him to mourn.

More than anything, Kakucho hates himself, because he's jealous of Sanzu. He knows he shouldn't, but he hates that the pinkette man was right about him. He envies Sanzu, who had the privilege of dying with Mikey, of dying with his king.

Kakucho hates the Mad Dog even more right now. But he's aware that once this hate fades away, he would feel empty again. So he clings onto this feeling, he needs this rage as a motor to keep moving.

It doesn't matter if this energy is fulled with rage, he needs it. He can't fail his friends, what's left of his family. Kakucho has to keep living even if he can't remember how being alive felt anymore. Even if he's more dead inside every day.

So, over and over... Kakucho would keep living.

The rain keeps pouring down without truce, Haruchiyo shrinks inside the leather jacket that was always too big for him. Now the only thing that makes him feel protected from that annoying rain (from the world). To be honest, he isn't completely aware how he managed to recover it from his penthouse, but it seemed important in that moment.

The jacket and the old picture that he's still clutching in his pocket, the only two things he cared enough to take. He doesn't even need to look at it to see the four happy smiles stained with watermelon juice. Two pink haired kids that could be confused by twins, one with a shy smile, the other with a cheerful one, happy to be included with his brother friends. Next, a fierce smile showing two small fangs, already a force of nature at his young age. In the middle, a blond kid with the most radiant smile Haruchiyo ever saw, capable of making everything shine just with his presence. Full of life, of dreams. Full of potential. Brighter than the sun, a true leader.

But that was a long time ago and, once again, Sanzu is the only one who remembers. The man staggering in the rain is now the only survivor from that photo. Only him, alone in this fuck up world where nothing and no one matters anymore. Not without Mikey. Even Bonten can burn from what he cares.

He keeps walking (it feels more like floating for him, floating in a cloud of pain and numbness at the same time). Until he finally reaches his destination, an abandoned bowling alley. Sanzu enters in some kind of trance, not sure if he's dissociating or too intoxicated. He doesn't care.

He sits down exactly in the same place his king sat down. How many days had passed since that moment? One? Two? Ages. It certainly feels like ages for him. Haruchiyo hugs himself, trying to make space for his legs inside the big comforting jacket. Completely curled up. And he cries, he cries like he hasn't allowed himself to do so in the last ten years.

He's starting to sober up, he can feel it. Because the flashbacks are coming back. Shinichiro jumping from that bridge. Mikey jumping from this exact building. Mikey falling from the stairs, that awful “clonk”. Mikey jumping again from this building.

Haruchiyo screams, holding his head with both hands, begging the images to stop, unable to continue reliving those memories. He needs everything to stop, to be quiet, his shattered mind can't take it anymore.

He takes out a small box from his pocket, looking at the content. Everything he needs is here, he knows how to do it, how to make sure he's not going to wake up from this trip. His stupid hands are shaking while he gets the syringe ready.

For some reason, he suddenly remembers Kakucho's words a few months ago. He hates it, he hates thinking in that fucker when he's about to die. But the other man was right, wasn't he? Mikey never cared about Sanzu, he spent years of his life trying to keep his king alive and it was all for nothing. Everything blew up in one night.

A manic laugh escapes between his whimpers. Of course is that, he's fucking jealous. Sanzu is fucking jealous because at least Kakucho got to held Izana's hand when he died, he got to comfort his king in his last moments. Sanzu didn't had that, Hanagaki was the one holding Mikey's hand. Always that cockroach, never him.

What did he expect anyway? Haruchiyo is just a failure. He never deserved to be the one making his king last moments less painful. Of course, he should had known. He failed everyone. He failed Shinichiro, unable to protect Mikey, to be the friend he promised he would be. He failed Mikey, watching him falling into the darkness, becoming the same empty shell he already saw in a past that never happened, and doing nothing about it.

Sanzu doesn't have anything left. He also killed his own chance of happiness a long time ago (he also failed his captain, didn't he?). The only thing left for him is to disappear, to follow his king. He's going with him, because he's being following Mikey for so long, that he doesn't see any other choice. He's going with him, because he doesn't deserve to keep living when he couldn't save Mikey.

But it's fine, the drug is already kicking in, his body feels more relaxed. Even his mind seems to be quiet, almost in peace. He looks at the old photo one last time, before drifting out of consciousness, looking for safety in the inner part of the leather, pretending it smells like cheesecake.

It's fine, because at the end of the day... Haruchiyo was just a failure.

[writerblue275]

Current WIPs (updating list)

Requested WiPs (will generally work on in order they’re sent in):

Heartsteel members with a Vastayan partner Headcanons: I’ve been doing research so I have a better understanding of the Vastaya!

NSFW A-Z with True Damage!Yasuo Headcanon: 😲😲 What’s this? Me stepping into other parts of the LoL Musicverse??? (Lol I know I do like almost all Heartsteel stuff but I am a fan of the other musicverse groups!) I’m gonna do my best to do this request justice for the younger sword DJ brother. (Funny that I haven’t even done one of these yet for Heartsteel!Yone.)

Heartsteel with Reader!Partner that has an obsessive habit Headcanons: So this is super relatable to me as someone with severe anxiety that causes me to have such habits. That being said, I’m going to take a bit to write this one since I know this can be a very sensitive topic. While I wholeheartedly think mental health is something that must be talked about, I want to cover this topic in a way that still allows for people to find my writing to be somewhat of a safe space.

Dad!Heartsteel Yone Headcanon: Specifically GIRL DAD!YONE!!!! Oh I am SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE. I initially saw Yone as a boy dad, but the more I thought about it I was just like….. “Nah this Anon is totally right. I NEED to write Yone with at least one daughter! That’s too cute of a thought.”

Dad!Heartsteel Aphelios Headcanon: This I’m changing up from the pregnant!reader format I’ve been doing for the others. @milksuu (who I’m a big fan of) has such an EXCELLENT one of these for Aphelios already and I really don’t think I could/would add or change much of anything. So for this we’re doing Aphelios with a partner (reader) who is already a single parent!

NSFW Reader distracting Heartsteel!Yone to get attention when it’s fucking late and he’s working.

Non-requested WiPs (will work on as inspired):

Base-lore!Aphelios and Lunari Healer!Reader: I have the concept written down but I need to make an outline and such. I think this might be my next multi-chapter fic?

Something with Base-lore!Yone: This is just a brewing concept at the moment. A little angsty?

NSFW One-shot sequel to The One That Can Break My Heart (My FWB/Base-lore!Ezreal multi-chapter fic): 👀 Like I said in one of the chapters, I enjoy this universe and want to go back to it. Maybe my first attempt at writing smut. Lord help us all.

Kisses with Heartsteel Headcanons: I’m keeping the requested first kiss headcanon to just first kisses. This is more kisses in general.

Heartsteel with a fellow musically-gifted partner Headcanons: Listen as someone who was professionally trained in singing (pro choir and voice lessons), as well as took piano and viola lessons, I’m so excited to write this??

Heartsteel cuddle Headcanons

What it’s like to sleep with Heartsteel Headcanons: As in literally sleep in a bed with each member. SFW!

Some Headcanons for Arcane!Viktor: I haven’t written for him NEARLY enough.

I hope you’re looking forward to what is coming. I know I am! ☺️💙

[its-no-biggie]

okay i just went back and rewatched all the scenes from this season involving dazai and/or chuuya, now that i know that chuuya was pretending to be a vampire the whole time, because. i was possessed by the soukoku brainrot. anyway 10/10 recommend, knowing what theyre actually up to adds so much flavour

first off. dazais whole "chuuya, wake up. our fate will not end here" monologue is SO funny now. his dramatic ass deliberately planted himself in front of a camera and put on a show for fyodor. no wonder chuuya cut him off partway through lmfao he is SO sick of him. i would also bet that chuuya shooting him in the shoulder wasnt part of the plan (bc lets face it, he fucking would), and thats why dazai yelled and cursed him out- because he genuinely wasnt expecting it. of course it could all be part of the show, but its VERY funny to imagine that chuuya was like "hey i bet i could shoot this bastard right now and play it off like it was part of the act" and then just did it. i hate them so much

theres also the chuuya drowning monologue. now, i think its safe to say that dazai knew how that was gonna shake down, given that he clearly knows chuuyas powers better than fyodor, and he couldve reasonably predicted that fyodor would catch on in time to make an escape plan. which means this one was also completely for the drama of it. however, if you wanna get a little angsty about it, dazai is basically trusting that fyodor will save chuuya here. hes deliberately trying to kill both of them and if fyodor isnt clever enough to escape, he just killed chuuya while chuuya was IN DISGUISE TO HELP HIM and COMPLETELY AWARE OF WHATS HAPPENING. do you think there was any part of dazai that considered that these could be his last words to chuuya? he does seem to be genuinely reflecting on their history, given the flashbacks that play in the background (although that could just be for the viewer, of course, and not a reflection of his actual thoughts) so...... it might not be ENTIRELY for show. but maybe im just saying that bc i want to believe that dazai was being at least a little bit genuine when he straight up admitted- OUT LOUD- that they do actually understand each other and have a genuine connection even though they dont get along. because holy shit

one last thing. when dazai reveals that chuuya stopped the bullet and goes "we used to do this all the time, remember?" ????? hello?????? like i know chuuya has stopped bullets plenty of times. but stopping them RIGHT at someones skull, especially DAZAIS where the gravity manipulation would vanish as soon as it touches him..... how many times have you needed to do that?? and why????? like its just casually so fucking chaotic, i love references to their past like that because it can be easy to forget the kind of shit they got up to. i should rewatch the arc where they first met.......

anyway this has more than made up for the lack of chuuya content. knowing that chuuya was aware the whole time and pretending to be a vampire...... and that dazai knew that and was just putting on a show...... i will be going insane about this forever. theyre literally soulmates theyre desperate to kill each other theyre so fucking dramatic i want to hit them with my car. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[roseworth]

hi lauren 😌 ok if dc were to ever make the elusive jason and rose outlaws team, who would you choose as the third member

hiiiiii im sorry this took a few days to get to i put a lot of thought into it <///3

so first of all. my #1 dream outlaws team is jason rose connor kara lorena. im not even exaggerating when i say i have thought about this team (whose dynamics i mostly made up) at least once a day for MONTHS. i know some of those characters being on a team together doesnt make sense but you just have to trust me. it all makes sense in my rich inner world. and someday i may get into it but i have a lot to say

but if im abiding by outlaws tradition of a trio. i have multiple options of who besides jay & rose.

eddie: obvious answer. hes been friends with both of them so its very common to put him in outlaws. HOWEVER.... i dont really see him as an outlaw. im including him in this list because i like the idea of the three of them together but i dont think he would really fit on an outlaws team. hes kinda just a normal hero and i dont think he would be super into the whole idea of killing people the way jason and rose do

kyle: i just think that the dynamic of jason rose & kyle would be SO funny. disasters. rose with kyle is "he was nice to me like 8 years ago so hes my best friend forever" while jason and kyle. you know. are the most annoying people ever. plus kyles views on killing are sorta "i dont do it unless i really want to but i think its cool" so he would tolerate them

steph: this would be so much fun. mwsl gave me minor crumbs of a jason rose & steph team up and i havent been the same since. steph can be a little bit murderous as a treat and jason & rose are enablers. idk i just think being an outlaw could be good for her

roy: HEAR ME OUT. SHUT UP AND HEAR ME OUT. i could fix rhato roy. my thought is roy post-cry for justice where hes mourning his daughters death and pushing everyone else away. and jason & rose go "quit your job join our emo band" and he becomes an outlaw bc he wants to be Angsty and Away From Heroes but jason & rose are like "sweet we have a responsible adult now 👍" and. roy cannot be around people younger than him without accidentally becoming an older brother figure. also roy & rose make me go crazy so im doing this for ME

eddie fyers: this popped into my head as i talked about eddie bloomberg earlier and i cant stop thinking about it. can you fucking imagine

artemis: yeah yeah she was already an outlaw. but what if she was again in a cooler more homosexual way. jason & artemis had a good dynamic sometimes in rhato 2016 when lobdell wasnt being weird, and rose & artemis would be so much fun given that rose loves to pick fights and artemis would be able to pick her up and throw her. to me it would be good and i want these two to interact

grace choi: okay listen. i just really liked her in outsiders 2003. as a treat to me i think she should be worse. canon toxic dyke getting worse because of a non canon toxic dyke and her boytoy freak

dana harlow: DANA COME BACK. she was the best ever for the two (2) issues shes been in. and rose & dana would be soooooo good and i need it so bad

but ideal jason & rose dynamic is this↓ so maybe its better for everyone if they have a red hood & ravager team up. hand in unlovable hand.

[itwoodbeprefect]

catching up!! watching 911 season 7 episode 1!! let's goooo

the first three minutes of this episode are like "athena watched a cruise ship disaster on tv and it affected her for life. here's a cruise ship disaster we're putting on your tv (hehehe)."

i briefly stop watching mayday/air crash investigation episodes, only to STILL see a plane crash into a house. let's get greg feith and his excellent colorful ties in here asap

okay not actually technically relevant but. i googled "greg feith ties" and found this:

and the answer is no!! shut up!!

anyway. bi buck and his bi saw! (i may be too early.)

ahhh, the face i've already seen a dozen times:

buck was missed. <3

god, i love chimney. presumably this honeymoon life plan of his isn't going to work out perfectly smoothly, but it's adorable.

athena's dress is great, but this is a prime Just Talk To Bobby Please sort of worry she's having. i mean, literally, talk to him, and she'll probably find they do have things to talk about.

THREE DATES A WEEK. yeah, there we go (affectionate), that's gonna be a mess. very sweet, very stupid!

a spreadshEET. i love themmm. still very stupid though!!

"except only in one case is there underlying sexual tension [sprays using phallic looking object at hip height]" is definitely a little insane, you were all correct. also EXTREMELY a conversation that feels like they knew what they were doing, considering i now know where this is going

eddie is a nester! he nests!

christopher doesn't get this from eddie, implying he gets it from buck somehow. feelingssss.

god. buck taking save the trees a bit too figuratively:

throwing the champagne glasses to the side while you're in the pool is i guess a cool carefree no fucks given thing to do in theory, but it's going to be so much less cool and carefree when you step in the glass while walking around barefoot later. i mean, on top of the waste of a perfectly good glass

i HAD seen the angsty mom-left-us (and eddie is listening in) part of the buck&chris conversation, but not the entire part before it with buck very earnestly trying to find his way through this parenting talk eddie enlisted him for, and it's great, i love it.

"i feel like you're trying to avoid me." < thank you for Saying The Thing, bobby.

lola is resting..... this man has blood behind his ear...... this is 911...... he killed lola?

"i don't think we're gonna see much of lola any time soon." oh, she's VERY dead. and/or locked in their cabin, which would potentially be good and dramatic when the ship starts sinking

he made a list!! love you, bobby

athena going full "norman peterson murdered his wife!!!" and bobby being very convinced that he didn't and athena is making things up to avoid him is a) finally a funny turn for this subplot and b) even funnier in light of bobby's behavior in the rear window episode.

"... o-or he murdered his wife." i love when this show does comedy and the timing is just right. thank you, peter krause

one of the things about this show that i still think was a terrible writing choice is the way they killed shannon, so i'm glad they're at least dealing with the impact all of the parental shuffling and absence had on christopher. it's great that they brought the actress back for that one moment.

"did i read the spreadsheet wrong?", reminding me of the spreadsheet, and "did something else happen on a call?", meaning maddie immediately knows what would have changed chimney's mind again - maddie and chimney are flawless, no notes.

THEY took lola!! so that's how the ship activity manager or whatever that guy with the weird vibe's job is will turn out to be evil and/or in evil cahoots with lola

dongle. i haven't heard that word in forever. didn't know they were being used for bitcoin

oh, 911. just a ship in a weather-related emergency isn't enough, we also need terrorists holding everyone hostage. at times i could almost start to think i was watching h50

[qapsiel]

Positivity anon here! Could I ask you to shout out to your five fave blogs? Just to make someone smile today and let them know you love their blog! Maybe even say a little about why!

I'm more than happy to spread positivity and love, and I'll totally ignore the audacity to only give me 5 blogs and just do more hehe

I'm gonna start with @ruinedmyself because Kas was one of the first people to talk to me when I ventured into the spn fandom, and they've done nothing but make me feel incredibly welcomed <3 I love our silly little chats and also the pain we inflict on each other regularly. We really do share one (1) braincell, and I wouldn't want it any other way. You've got such a fantastic grip on Sam, on his badass-ery but also his softer and goofier side, and I scream excitedly whenever I see I got a reply from you!

No Sam without Dean, obviously, so I gotta yell about @bloodsalted a bit. Dixon is an extremely friendly person, and I'm still glad I managed to sweet-talk force you into joining me in hell. Or heaven, I suppose, is the better word, because our interactions are truly GREAT. Whether it's sexy times or angsty shit, every reply is magnificent and makes me giggle. You write Dean in all facets that make his character so lovable: his fears and passions and his silly times and also his anger. I love him to pieces!

Who doesn't love the king of hell? Cas, probably, but I adore every interaction with @murderdeals because it enables me to use all the pissed-off Cas icons. When you write Crowley, I can hear Mark yell into my ear. And honestly, I would have never guessed that Cas and Cain could become such good buddies, and yet they somehow ended up being the bestest bee bros, and that's largely due to your fantastic writing and your excellent grip on a character that can easily be branded the villain without second-guessing.

@singersalvaged should always be included in my rant about lovable people because she's just so chill to talk to! A truly great person who has an amazing view of Bobby Singer and writes him in a way that makes me believe the guy is standing behind me muttering idjit whenever I read a reply. And Allie! Let me gush about Allie, who's Cas' weed friend and brothel companion, and every single interaction just makes me howl with laughter. They're absolutely unhinged and dumb, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

While Crowley makes Cas want to eat glass, @eyeless-smiles makes him want to tear his own ears off because Corinth is such a fucking asshole (affectionate), a True Nightmare, and I love seeing him annoy Cas in every single paragraph. It's just hilarious, and they never hold their muse back, which is refreshing these days!

Cas loves to steal kids (just look at Jack), so it didn't take long for him to steal @innerwar 's Homelander when he was still a child with Vought. And honestly, I just adore this verse and you, friend? It's so funny and yet also sad, and I'm just so unbelievably happy that Homie gets a better life with this and that Cas gets to be a Dad again, and your writing is just SO FANTASTIC and catches Homelander's young voice brilliantly. 

I gotta yell about @nightmdic really loudly for a second because she is a FREAKING MAGNIFICENT OC and both Cas and I love her to pieces. She's kind and nice and helps Cas through his forced humanity without finding him (too) weird, and Paige just casually managed to write one of my favorite OCs here on Tumblr with her eye for detail and well-chosen words 

And last but not least, a big shoutout to @bleakfated who writes a lot of different spn muses (among others) and yet manages to hit that nail (= the voice of every single muse) square on the head every time! I hear Balthazar's funny-ironic voice when I write with him, I see Jody being Mom when I interact with her, I get the British Mick Vibes when it's his time to shine. I'm in awe of how someone manages to juggle so many muses and give everyone their own little voice. Kudos!

[beanghostprincess]

I can't really decide if Usopp would hate Sanji's smoking habit or simply not care.

I mean it would be funny that he hides and throws away his boyfriend's cigarettes to the point where Sanji has to hide his cigarettes from Usopp so he doesn't hide them from him and the way Usopp just visually coughs any time he smells the slightest bit of smoke from him (or anywhere honestly, he's a bit of a drama queen) to make him at least a bit embarrassed (failed miserably) or when all of Sanji's hidden goods are suddenly gone in the middle of the sea (which may or may not be his boyfriend's doing) and they weren't going to arrive to any island for a few days so he had to hold onto the two little stumps he had left and just going into a straight up withdrawal and asking everyone if they smoked and falling into deeper desperation each time he heard a "no" and how Usopp would mock him and tell him "That's what you get, loser" and yes this is kind of cruel but he has no business smoking 24/7 killing his lungs like that he basically smells of smoke and I'm sure even tastes like smoke and I do not want to even think of the effect it has on his teeth.

Fun fact, my brother and I used to do that (throwing away my mom's cigarettes) so she stopped smoking. Well, my brother did that so she would stop smoking. I did that only to fuck with her, ngl.

And okay, this whole concept is extremely hilarious because I just got another ask talking about Usopp smoking and Sanji finding out casually and it's just,,, So funny. But I like both concepts a lot!! This one feels so funny to talk about and extremely canon, too. (OP's future note: I made this sad. I am sorry)

Like Usopp would hate Sanji smoking this much, right? He doesn't hate that he smokes (they're pirates and can do whatever they want, so of course he won't be telling him to stop smoking) but he hates that he does it constantly. All the time. He's fucking up his lungs and also the whole ship smells like cigarettes and his clothes too and Usopp is sick of trying to kiss him and tasting that in his mouth. And it's not THAT disgusting because Usopp is used to it and, after all, it's what reminds him of Sanji. It's a Sanji thing. But he's worried about his well-being and he wishes Sanji would at least only smoke like 2 cigarettes a day and not a whole fucking pack.

So he asks Chopper for advice because he's the doctor here and will probably know what to do when it comes to an addiction like this one. Chopper tells him that the only way to end an addiction is to go through a process of either gradually quitting or just directly stopping, but the latter might have more side effects due to the need to smoke all the time. After all, it is a drug.

But of course, Usopp is a drama queen and he goes all in with this elaborate plan to throw away all the cigarettes Sanji has and is all dramatic when he smokes close to him. Which is- Okay, I am actually not on Usopp's side here so I'm gonna make it a bit angsty. I am evil. *Evil laughter*.

Usopp keeps doing that every time he finds Sanji's cigarettes and whenever they go to an island and he tries to buy them. Sanji has been smoking less and less and less because he doesn't have any cigarettes left and it's driving him insane. Like- It's genuinely affecting him badly and Usopp is too caught up in his own morals and trying to be the good boyfriend he thinks he's being to realize that.

Sanji can't sleep well anymore. He's eating more because he has cravings he didn't have before. He's more anxious and way more irritable, which only makes him fight Zoro constantly (more than usual. Imagine the chaos). He can't even concentrate when cooking. And tbh his intrusive thoughts are coming back because what helped him concentrate and avoid them was smoking and doing something with his hands (why do you think he smokes so much??? That's his unhealthy coping mechanism, your honor).

And Usopp tries to act like everything is normal and like he's doing a good thing because he has no idea what Sanji is going through. He thinks it's just a lil punishment that won't last long. But it does last. And it is affecting Sanji a lot. And of course, the cook ends up snapping because there's no fucking way he can handle this anymore. And it's out of nowhere (from Usopp's perspective) because Sanji is just trying to cook and Usopp is on the kitchen table doing his own thing with his bombs. And he's making noises, but just the usual ones. The ones Sanji has never complained about. But it's bothering the cook anyway, for once, and it drives him wild to the point of turning around and yelling:

"Could you stop doing that?!"

"Wha- Doing what?"

"The little clingclingcling the fucking explosions your humming just- Shut up! I'm trying to cook for this whole crew and you're making it pretty fucking impossible!"

"You never had a problem with me being here before."

"I never had a problem with you at all before, so I guess there's a first time for everything!"

"... Are you alright, Sanji?"

"Oh! Why wouldn't I be, Usopp? I'm perfectly fine. Awesome, even. Since I quit smoking everything has been perfect!"

"Really?"

"Of course not, you moron! I've never been more fucked up in my whole life, why would you do this to me? Did- Did I hurt you somehow? Is this a punishment? Karma? What do you want from me? I'll do it, just- Stop this."

"Sanji, honey, I'm just doing this for your own good because-"

"For MY own good? Are you sure about that, Usopp? MY own good? Who do you think you are to decide that for me?"

"I don't know, your boyfriend, maybe?!"

"Usopp. I- I love you, okay? But you're making it really, really hard for me not to say some things I- Smoking is what keeps me going, Usopp, I can't quit it-"

"Of course you can! You stopped smoking a week ago-"

"And it has been the worst week of my entire life, Usopp. You can't just decide this for me I- This is what makes me feel I have control over my life! It's not the best but it's what I have and we're supposed to be pirates, don't we? Let me-"

"What? Let you fuck up your lungs only because it makes you feel a bit better? You'll die way before that!"

"But it's up to me to decide!"

"When you have people that love you, it's not up to you to decide if you die or not! You're always doing this! You did this in Skypiea and Whole Cake and- And you take so little care of yourself I had to do something!"

"Well, it's not working! You could've talked to me, maybe?!"

"You never listen!"

"Because you never talk! Why would you do this-"

"Because I'm in love with you and I don't want you to die! If you feel bad, you come to me. You don't need to destroy your lungs when I'm right here! You're not alone anymore, Sanji!"

"..."

"I just care about you, okay? I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this without asking and I didn't know it would make you feel this bad but- But I just care about you and I understand if you want to break up-"

"I don't want to break up with you, dumbass. I just- Let me do this my own way? Stop smoking, I mean- I- I'm sorry, too. I just really need to. To stop thinking for a while."

"... I didn't throw away all your cigarettes. I still have a few I haven't-"

"No. No, mon coeur. Just- Do you want to go fish? Or- What new bombs were you making? Tell me about them. I'll probably have that cigarette later, though."

And then Chopper scolds Usopp for his behavior (of fucking course) because you can't just stop smoking suddenly like that. And Sanji starts smoking again but less and less every day with Usopp keeping an eye on him! I am very sad now after writing this! I'm gonna go cry! <3

[tundralwhisper]

AAAARRRGGGHHH

Literally took a walk into the forest at 2:30am, despite my knee pain that gets worse after walking like 10 meters.

So, before I rant, ramble, and vent, the Context:

I DM a D&D game for friends, on the server where I met most of them. It's a server of about 400 people, though *maybe* 30 are actually active.

Donald J Trump got shot (unsurprising), and a friend (who is in the game) went into the server's "controversy" channel (a bad idea to even have that channel, ngl) and mentioned that this is gonna be a big danger for trans people, because the nutjobs supporting trump have just gotten the most intense incitement to violence imaginable. He may have made a little bit of an inflammatory remark on the matter

Another friend (who is also in the game) did NOT like that. And the conversation got *heated*. I joined, 2 other players joined (that's 4 out of 5, plus me). Over the course of the discussion, they dropped several instances of hate speech. Transphobic rhetoric, xenophobia, it was *BAD*. Mind you, one of the people in the game is literally an immigrant, and him and I are both not very cis.

Meanwhile, I was in a movie watchalong (American Werewolf in London, very funny movie tbh, kept me sane during this) while participating in the discussion.

I postponed D&D, trying to figure out how best to kick the nutjob. Then passed out for 12 hours.

Shit. Went. Down. Other mods got involved, jumped the gun on an announcement without reading the hate speech context, things got convoluted, two people left the server: The nutjob, and the immigrant friend.

I solved things in the end, by making a seperate server for the D&D game and inviting everyone over (except the nutjob, he specifically said he left the campaign, too).

So, bad situation. Not happy.

Now, the VENT PART!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH GODS FUCK WHY FUCKIK I SLEPT FOR 12 HORUS AND SO M;UCH SHIT IMMEDIATEL WENT DOWN AND ALL THE OVERTHINGKING AND PLANS AND SHIT DID NOTHIGN TO HELP A'CAUSE I WAS ASLEEP FUCKIG SHIT FGUCK.

OKAY. Okay. Phew. I don't usually post anything, anywhere, without double and triple checking grammar and spelling. Not this time. FUCKING HELL.

Between postponing the D&D game I was making PLANS. I was THINKING, PLOTTING even. I was gonna get the other players' views on the nutjob, I was gonna write up a civil and calm message to send to the nutjob to kick him and be done with it, 'cause I didn't wanna cause drama across the active parts of the server.

And then, I just had to fucking pass out and assume things wouldn't implode for a couple hours at least. I passed out for 12 hours, and everything was fucked when I woke up. The drama had already extended beyond the group into server-wide drama, I had to abandon all my plans and improvise (I suck at that), and just. ARGH. I'm mad.

I'm mad. Actually, genuinely mad. Not even at the nutjob, he's a victim of propaganda. I'm mad at the "mod" (doesn't even have actual mod powers, barely qualifies as a mall cop for the server) that made a statement to spread the trouble so much further than it needed to be. Like, do you not *READ* something before you type a response? Are you out of your FUCKING mind?!

Like, people were mad not over the economics talk it fizzled out to, but over the ACTUAL FUCKING HATE SPEECH you absolute childish IMBECILE. "Be respectful, agree to disagree" IT WAS ABOUT HUMAN RIGHTS, THERE IS NO "DISAGREE" ON THAT YOU DUMB CENTRIST FUCKWIT.

At least he realized when he went back to read it - WHICH I HAD TO TELL HIM TO DO. Do you need a parent to carry your brain after you everwhere so you don't forget to fucking THINK, too?!

But also... it's sad to see that someone I thought a friend had fallen so deep into the propaganda, and someone else I considered a reasonable person turned out to be so fucking stupid as to not consider that context matters a lot.

I hate insulting people like this. Fuck, man. I'm gonna go sink into endless amounts of angsty music now, if anyone needs me try to search the woods near my house.

[bookinit02]

found this little thing i wrote while i was reading the second part of your rewrite series, it is yours now🤝

“here to log my progress,, really trying to marathon this whole series got the whole first part done yesterday and im determined to get this (40k longer) part done today,, im half way through so only 50k to go and its good dont get me wrong but its a Lot and im Overwhelmed and i wanna get to season three when mike figures out his feelings for will and wills feelings for mike get more angsty and jaded and then i wanna get to season four when mike cant stop staring at wills lips. i must stay strong through them having a good relationship alas

hmmm all this talk of mike never lying hmmm… almost seems,, dare i say…. like foreshadowing. hmmm when does mike wheeler lie hmmm. literally season 4. this is already season 4 foreshadowing. and it’s Been happening like since the beginning. shoutout to the girlie who’s writing this’ forethought,, truly insane im in awe,, will has to believe mike loves el, he never lies.

“And Mike knows what a rare, powerful feeling that is. To be needed. It doesn’t happen all that often, for guys like him and Bob.

When you get the chance, you leap on it, just as eagerly as one of those mini-demogorgons in the hallway devouring their prey. Or at least, Mike would. And, not to assume, but he thinks he and Bob are kinda wired the same way. So that means Bob would, too.” god this boy,, i am him and he is me but also,, Season Four Love Confession.. hes leaping at the chance to be useful, hes needed and he knows what hes needed for in that moment holy shit this is crazy were only half way through season two,, this isn’t even written yet and yet it is written in the Stars holy shit

possibly my favorite addition to this retelling is mikes investment in johnothan vs steve”

thank you so much!! i love seeing people’s notes🫶🏻

i am still so impressed by how quickly you finished this series!! i was watching the comments roll in with a mixture of awe and fear tbh😭 i am always blown away when people make the decision to read the rewrite from the beginning—that is so much writing!! several novels worth!! you deserve an award!🏆

haha i love a good bit of foreshadowing😈 & thank you so much for the compliment!!

bob☹️ and yes you got mike’s character struggle perfectly! he Needs to be Needed.

and YEAHH lmao i love writing the love triangle through mike’s eyes😭 it’s so fucking funny he’s so bitchy about it

again, thank you so much!!!

[simptasia]

I know you ship them (I think), and I've filled your inbox with them but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Desmond x Charlie. I know that's kind of vague, but anything really any hcs and you know porn hcs, your perfect dynamic for them

i love charlie/desmond but my brain trips over it a bit, because as much as possible in The Version Of LOST In My Head, i do try to have it work with canon. like not contradict anything

as such, charlie/des is a lovely thought aesthetically, emotionally, sexually... however i know it could've never happened on island because des would never ever ever cheat on penny

same applies to charlie/des/claire

i think these dynamics absolutely would work and would be lovely but des has utter loyalty to penny. yes, i'm all about that poly shipping but penny isn't There to tell des "yes, fuck the little manc and that aussie girl too, i'm cool with it"

so for charlie/des to work, and i mean Work, it's gotta be a post-island charlie lives au thing. which is great! (one even adds penny in that situation) but i do also like the idea of charlie/des on the island. it's appealing to look at. that and it's enjoyable to add in desmond's season 3 Haunted By Tragic Visions thing

another possibility is for charlie to manage charming des into it... but that seems disrespectful. charlie is pro des/penny. but charlie also is far from perfect. i'm overthinking all of this, as is my way

i do try to keep everything as in character as possible

there is a line of thought i toy with where des could be convinced to think, ya know, penny wouldn't mind if you moved on, des. she's probably moved on. like, des is insecure and severely touch starved, that could work

i'm not one of those "grrr girl is getting in the way of my slash ship!" kinda people, i promise. i'm just rolling thoughts in my fingers here

following this line of thought, des/charlie would have to start off at least a little angsty. two sad people reaching out for each other and pushing bad thoughts away with carnal pleasure

whatever happens, des did Not start this jfskjhfs. no matter what i do with this ship, either taking it Canon Compliant Seriously or just flippant Fucky Sexy Fun Times, charlie is the instigator

anyways putting all that aside, here are some charlie/des thoughts

an idea i love and i wanna see in fanfic is des finding out he's gonna be with charlie, because of a vision. it's kinda funny (that the universe would care) and it could be a way, a weird fucked up way, to get them together despite the issues i mentioned earlier. i think it'd be a good jumping off point for like angst and pining

that thing i've said, "the only way to shut charlie up in bed is to keep his mouth occupied", that started because of charlie/des. i imagined them making out, hands all over each other, and charlie Will Not Shut Up, i imagine he's super talkative in bed. people who care little about charlie have been pissed off by it. and like, des is into charlie but its actually getting annoying. des doesn't tell charlie to shut up but he does lead the situation to charlie blowing him, and my brain narrator supplies the quote, pretty much

catholic4catholic. this is honestly one of my favourite aspects about this dynamic, the fact that they're both Very catholic. not enough to be losers about it, duh, but enough to have some hang ups. especially charlie

height difference. despite it only being a 3 inch difference, the different in face shapes, body types, body languages and attitudes makes it feel like des is like a clear foot bigger than charlie. des could also overpower charlie very easily if he wanted to. in a sexy way, not a violence way. (tho, sexy violence?) charlie would fold like lawn furniture under des. (honestly the size difference thing is also a major reason i started shipping jack/charlie and sawyer/charlie too. sometimes something just fucking looks good)

"des: i've never been with a man before" "charlie, has a pussy: it's alright, i have a feeling you'll know what to do". jokes aside, normally charlie is way more afraid of guys finding out (because of. violence) but he doesn't get that vibe off des, so he's strangely giddy at having a surprise for him?? like, ta-da, Extra Hole. this is a thing i've decided for charlie, where he almost never tells people he's trans before intimacy. pretty much because he's impulsive and thinks with his blood well before his brain. so, obviously, des is surprised. who wouldn't be at least surprised

i was thinking about what their dynamic would be like. basically take what's presented in the show, add sex of course. but also i suppose they'd just be closer, like be affectionate. in little ways, like des putting his hand on the small of charlie's back, charlie fiddling with one of des' shirt buttons, either one of them pushing a stray bit of hair out of the other's faces. liberal use of the pet name "love". and that thing in des/charlie fanfic where charlie calls des "dessie" a lot? love that, absolutely for that. they're not doing full on PDA on the beach because 2004 was a nightmare but there's a noticeable closeness and warmth ("jack, a month late: are they gay...?" "kate: jack, you're gay")

as for social dynamics? let's lookit the characters here and see what'd factor into a relationship. they're both very protective people with an aching desire to Take Care of a loved one. they'd both have varying levels of catholic guilt (yummy). and they're both deeply insecure in a "i'm not good enough for anybody ever". so we got a couple of very loyal boys full of powder kegs of angst waiting to blow up at any moment. on a lighter note, these two would have arguments over who pays for dinner at restaurants. they both grew up poor and this manifests in them not liking to rely on other people. I'll Take Care Of You. No, I'll Take Care Of You (boys, boys please... you have a sugar mama who is rolling her eyes). but yeah they have a decent amount in common while still being very different people, so it's interesting to think about that

des doesn't like charlie's music. he will never like charlie's music. it's best not to discuss it as criticism feels like a stab wound to charlie

charlie: [wearing a plaid miniskirt] how do i look?

des: gorgeous, brutha, but that still isn't a kilt

charlie: [big faux-innocent eyes] it isn't? but im wearing it in the... traditional way

des: wh- [realises what charlie means] [404 error, Desmond Hume.exe is not responding]

charlie: you can check me for authenticity if you like, brutha

yes, boys, make your ancestors scream out in horror

[thenixkat]

another Kaiju no. 8 ep and that actually is a pretty cool opening theme. There's *implications* in the visuals of how it starts. Also the cgi rendering of the protag's monster form looks so much better in the last shot of the opening theme entirely b/c its darkly lit and the glowing blue lines are more extensive you know a design is fucked when the cgi version looks 10 times better

like fuck I think I'd rather see this show animated in cgi if the designs look that much better what the hell

also the lyrics involving fears of a loss of control would be a much more interesting story than what i know the thing goes with for Kafka's relationship with his whole being a kaiju thing. I wish dude would have to combat with being a generally decent guy but gaining the instincts of an agressive predatory animal. Like, don't have to be a superpowered evil side but a superpowered feral side or even just a touch of more feral/wild behavior would be nice

Just, I am a face-monster turn lovin bastich and I know what I like

edgy teen really told the guy who doesnt have lips currently and also a mouth full of fangs to flash the witness a smile to come off as less threatening. Obviously, it was not helpful wild, this design really just needs more glowy bits to be at least 50% better

Kafka has superstrength, which is *not* fully implemented in this sequence. Like if resting his hand on the wall destroys the whole fucking wall then his footsteps should be destroying the floor

like look at that a few quick fixes would make this design look so much better. Like more glowy bits, make all teh spines the same color. Also dont just stop the spines mid back and carry them down the damn tailbone decreasing in size as they reach his coccyx, dont half ass shit

the design feels half-assed. Like, that feels like a first draft. and just it only needs a few fixes to elevate it like i get this weird shapeshifting is a gag, it's just, Well, it's just not funny and continues to make me think about how bleh the mc's monster form is. But also why tentacles and also why are none of those bits glowing.

while panicking, fleeing, and uncontrollably shapeshifting the protag's tongue shoots out and catches and eats a bird.

again I know its a gag I just want more than a cheap gag, i guess ah… I see what was meant by juvenile tone. Kafka pisses through his nipples

the thing is these gags arent very good. I laughed at the end of last ep, but this is not funny. Kafka is weirded out by his nipple piss understandable ok that bit right there of Kafka realizing that he can't achieve his goal of joining the kaiju slayers if he looks like a kaiju b/c they'd kill him on the spot. I liked that bit

honestly, I think i'd like more seriousness in the beginning, b/c like there are people coming to kill him and his body has been fundamentally changed in a very drastic way. Like establish shit first, let it sink in, and then bring in the levity. also supersenses, or at least kaiju detecting and identifying senses yeah yeah the kaiju are natural disasters but if earthquakes were hungry and at least as smart as the average critter

Kafka decides to go fight the other kaiju instead of running from the kaiju killers and saves the life of a little girl and her mom fucking punches the other bigger kaiju so hard it explodes and rains blood. nice

the angsty teen: Yeah, ok, that is definitely something you should never do to a person ah this makes me so mad just more glowy bits would make this design better if we're not changing the proportions or adding a tail.

ok this series is a mixed bag for me. SOme bits are pretty good but there's so much that 'you could have done better than this'

you know what, I think I really would have preferred an alternate thing with Kafka being stuck in kaiju for the 3 months having adventures rather than a time skip and he's been shifting uncontrollably. Like maybe have him thinking about alternate ways to achieve his goal and being uncertain if he can become/look human again. Again it would be more fitting with his namesake.

Hell, it would help Kaiju no. 8 in the story build up way more of a reputation by becoming a weird friendly neighborhood kaiju that keeps getting away from the kaiju slayers.

And frankly his kaiju form looks like a dude in a suit, he could wear a disguise. Like, he'd probably stand out wearing a disguise but at least it would avoid folks hopping on their phone going 'there's a kaiju, kill it' immediately again, a mixed bag. There's good bones here, just how they're being used is disappointing

I'll probably look into fan content, but given how shallow and shipping-focused fandom is I probably won't find anything really satisfying there either

like with his canon design, this bitch could just wear clothes

like that would be a good deadline/goal for trying to turn back human-looking in an au where Kafka was stuck looking like a kaiju for awhile. Getting his shit together to try and take the exam to get in with the monster slayers which is the last time he can try b4 hitting the new age cut off i will assume based on the quality in his voice when he's talking as a monster, that along side the not having lips and a very inhuman tongue, that the mechanisms of his speech are very different with the biology going on there also imagine being like 32 yrs old and yer 17 yr old coworker, who calls you sir b/c he was raised with manners, declares you to be his rival. Wild

Yeah… I would very much have liked more story between this important event and the night bro turned into a kaiju. We're hopping along very quickly and I'd rather get to know folks better first cgi animated vehicle

this rude blond teen girl is using the supertech to move Kafka's car out of the spot she wants to park in b/c ot has her lucky number of the day. She rich too. I do not like this child she dented the vehicle, lifted the vehicle one handed and fucking threw it. Nah, I'd have to fight that child

aint no way. the fucking repairs. the towing alone. Good lords would have to beat that child's ass

a fucking nepo baby even i'd have to fight the fucking child the chick with the pet tiger feeds the poor thing kibble. Has it live in her apartment, which is way too damn small for it, and she sends it into battle with fucking kaiju without putting armor on the poor thing

[starryrainment]

This chapter!! I was so excited when I saw this series get posted, and I wanted to say something, but I've been setting up my new blog to hopefully be more interactive.. And here's my interaction!

I was going to leave a comment but I'm unable to, and it's very long anyway, so I figured it would fit into a post instead.

First of all <3 MC Supremacy <3 I love her vibes, shes so <333 And she fits in so well with the cast! If she was a canon character I get the feeling she'd be taking the best girl status, she just gives me the immediate impression that she's going to be the glue of the team, in a sense. I can see Rachel being the metaphorical heart, but MC feels like something similar. I feel like she's the type to gel really well with everyone and be able to mediate, she has a similar empathy to Rachel but hers is more just intrinsic than 'I literally have a window into your mind and can just reiterate what youre feeling instead of picking it up organically'. Fully believe she has The Team™️'s singular shared braincell 95% of the time and Dick steals it for the other 5% just out of spite. He's smart but sometimes assholery and petiness wins out over his intelligence so she claims the braincell while he's sulking (most of the time, mans is so melodramatic..) Speaking of, her relationships with the others aaaa the family vibes have me weak.

The powers are handled and portrayed very well, just the nature of them in general fits so well. They're also balanced well enough to allow for the plot to still plot. Also I fuck with psychic powers 10/10

The chemistry is palpable <3 (I love the agenda here w/ Dick too, he's down so bad and ofc he is, Reader is a baddie. But it's also generally just very refreshing that for once it feels like the main pairing Guy is also trying to appeal, even a little bit, or even subconsciously, to the MC, it's less common than you'd think in fanfics) love how they bounce off eachother, it sets up their dynamic really well. Also just love how much of an angsty little asshole Dick is, completely on brand for Titansverse Dick (he just doesnt realise his brand is a knockoff brand /j). And the way his characterisation is conveyed through MC's traipse through the astral plane.. It's so interesting to read and get a deeper understanding of his thoughts motivations, AND it also shows us that MC knows him really well by proxy, which is very sweet <3 even if he's an emotionally stunted shithead, he's HER emotionally stunted shithead even if neither of them know it yet.

The way she navigates their dynamic by understanding him so well and adhering so strongly to her own unique character, too: she's smart and resourceful with her powers, and she knows when to give him a nudge and when not to involve him. I think it adds so much to their dynamic that she has such a strong character of her own, they work well with eachother because she's so aware of their respective shortcomings and so good at navigating them. She has a lot going on on her end, and her POV is no less compelling than his. It's also funny going from Dicks vaguely traumatised internal narration to MCs, which can usually be summed up by 'smh this idiot', and a snippet describing her basically profiling this mf before she can afford to come to a reasonable plan of action, and then I imagine at least one more stage of grief (bargaining/acceptance) before bringing it up (in the most underwhelming way she can like she has to gentle parent this dude so she doesn't offend his inner control freak 😭) Fr she has to just throw it out there ("I think you should go with them."), probably with thoughts and prayers. She knows if he doesn't there's a chance two of her closest friends have tragic fates and it's all hinging on Dickhead choosing not to be obstinate. Couldn't imagine. Composed icon.

I love all the layers they have to their relationship, it makes reading between the lines so fun, and the pairing so interesting in general, I'm having a ball every time they're 'onscreen' together haha

I love the parallel between MC and her mother as well, just thematically, I think it's really cool, and it sets her character up so well. And the way it contributes to her relationship with Rachel <3 I really hope they get to be really close and get to stay that way, I liked Rachel's relationship with Kory in Canon but the writers took the characters in so many directions and kept having them split up and go off to do their own thing, it sucked when Rachel kept trying to reach out and her support network was like. Just a bunch of Dudes™️ and Kory was considering deadass leaving the planet 😭 like my poor girlll I could never subject her to that

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk, please excuse any typos, I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm not grammar checking that shit. I hugely appreciate ALL of your works, especially for Titans because it's so niche and your characterisation is always STUNNING, on god your quality of writing is so immersive and immaculate. I hope you manage to keep your enjoyment and your dark clouds dissipate soon <3

One Moment Per Episode With Dick Grayson

Season One, Episode Two: "Hawk and Dove"

Summary:

Even though Dick denies that he needs your help, you can't let other innocent people - like Hank, Dawn, and Rachel - get caught in the crossfire of his stubbornness and annoyance toward you.

So when you have a vision of Dick fleeing back to some of the only friends he knows, you don't hesitate to chase him. And yes - you make sure to bring coffee this time.

Dick Grayson x Fem!Powered!Reader. Childhood Friends/Exes to Lovers. Emotional Angst and Bantering/Humor. Set during Season 1, Episode 2.

Word Count: 6,000

DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link | Series Masterlist

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: the reader uses she/her pronouns - I still want to warn that some people might accuse this character of being an OC/might consider this an OC, but the reader received a great reception in the last chapter, so you guys might like her uniqueness if you read this; as usual with my stories, the majority of pronouns used in the fic are you/yours; and other than clothing style and a scar that informs her backstory, the reader's looks are not described and are left vague (as far as race, body type, hair colour, etc. - those things are not described); the reader character does have powers - the reader character is psychic and can see glimpses of the future in dream-like visions; the reader actually has a vision in this one (and there is more descriptions of her visions in general) (looking back, I wish I would have opened the first chapter on a vision of the apocalypse but oh well); the reader and Dick are 'exes' - their relationship was never official (they never explicitly called each other boyfriend/girlfriend), but they used to have sex often (and they both have feelings for each other that they never openly spoke about), and they are childhood friends, so there is a lot of emotional history there; this fic uses Y/N; this whole chapter (and this whole series, really) involves intense criticism of Dick's character - the Titans version specifically - so if you don't like that and if you don't like the Titans characterization of him, then turn back now; mentions of canon-typical violence; non-graphic descriptions of Dick having an infected wound as a child (speaking to his characterization); mentions of non-canon character deaths - happening in non-canon branching paths in the reader's visions (things that don't come true, but have the opportunity to come true if she doesn't interfere); mentions of gun violence; lots of stereotypical monogamous jealousy going on here - some canon, and some not (not the kind of thing my poly ass typically writes, but it does well with Dick's toxic personality, so I like it) - Hank being jealous of Dick and Dawn's reunion, and Dick trying to evoke jealousy from the reader over his past relationship with Dawn (though I have made it clear in the text that Dick doesn't have feelings for Dawn anymore); Dick accidentally pointing a gun at the reader (because of mistaken identity); this time there is equal pining and horniness between Dick and the reader (mostly because I am a simp for Dick in that navy button down shirt, unf); mentions of Dick's past trauma (the death of his parents) and his PTSD reactions because of it; mentions of Dick and the reader having sex in the past and their sexual desire toward each other and some mild sexual themes, but there is no explicit smut in this chapter (there might be some in future chapters); the reader gets injured in a fight with The Family; mentions of Dawn's canon injuries and subsequent coma; I believe that's it for this part.

A/N: I actually wanna say that this chapter was complete and ready to be edited in my drafts, and because of the comments and feedback I got on the last chapter, I actually went in and made some additions to this chapter. People really seemed to like the banter between Dick and the reader character, and there wasn't much of it in this part, so I made sure to add more of it - because if you guys tell me that you like a certain aspect of a fic, I will play up that aspect in future chapters or in future fics. That is why commenting matters. Writers listen to your detailed feedback and put it into future stories - we aren't just looking for comments to stroke our egos. So if you guys like this chapter and the banter in it, know that you helped shape it from what it originally was!

...

Dick had basically told you to fuck off - he didn’t want to be involved, but he already was. 

The events were already set into motion around him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it now. So - rather than turn around and go all the way back home, you had simply gotten a hotel room in Detroit, waiting for him to ask for your help, or waiting for some signal that he would truly need you. 

You fell into an easy sleep, and soon - that signal came to you. 

… 

A rooftop. Two old friends. Tense smiles under a beautifully bright day that didn’t suit them.

“She killed someone?” Dawn nods toward Rachel, who is sitting beside the large dove house that Hank built, looking at the gentle animals in quiet fascination. She feels peaceful in their presence. “She’s just a kid.” 

That’s what he wants. He wants everyone to underestimate her. 

“Whoever they are, they’ve got people in the department.” Dick replies. 

He’s talking about the people who kidnapped her right out from under his nose - the ones who nearly succeeded in making her a ritual sacrifice. Just one of many forces that were coming after her. One of many forces that seek to harm her. 

“We needed somewhere safe to regroup.” He adds on. “And think about what I’m gonna do.” 

Somewhere safe? 

“What about Bruce?” Dawn poses. 

Of course Dick wouldn’t go fleeing back to him. Daddy issues. He thinks of Dawn and Hank as his true family. The Titans have always been his true family. Since losing the Circus, it’s the only family that he’s known. 

Oh. Somewhere safe. Of course. 

Dick visibly shudders at the thought of going back to Bruce. “He’s no good with kids.” 

That's an understatement. 

“A cop, huh?” Dawn gives him a small grin. “That’s one I never would’ve figured.” 

Well, he seeks out order. But he's a stubborn, bull-headed person who demands to be the leader at all times. He’s terrible at following rules that he hasn't made - terrible at falling under someone else's authority. He thinks that being a police officer is bringing forth real justice. 

It was never meant to last. 

Dick knew this. He doesn’t like admitting his own faults. So, he rushes to change the subject. 

“How are you?” He asks Dawn, clearly curious. 

It’s almost as though he wants her to say that her life has been notably worse without the Titans. Just like his has been. 

It's been too long since he's spoken to her. He loves running without looking back. It’s something that he’s very good at. 

“We’re great.” Dawn answers, flashing him a smile. She's insistent on this ‘we' - reminding Dick that she's not alone. She's not a single person anymore. “Hank’s feeling the life a little. Age waits for no man, and all that.”

Of course. This should have been obvious to him, but he’s a little too absorbed in his own problems to consider it. 

“How bad?” Dick asks the obvious question. 

“Two fractures, three concussions in the last year, and a herniated disc.” Dawn replies honestly. 

Dick has been through worse. He acts like it’s nothing, but it’s not. He’s the type of man to attempt to put a band-aid on a bullet wound. While traveling with the Circus, he stepped on a nail once, and tried to hide it from his parents - pulled it out himself and only told them when the wound began to fester and get infected. 

Fiercely independent and stubborn, even back then. 

“Jesus, Dawn.” 

Yet, he acts as though this is surprising. He acts as though this isn’t the norm when you exchange your bodily safety for the safety of others. 

“We’re still good out there, Dick.” She presses, sounding as though she is trying to convince herself. They need the team. That’s what’s missing. The downfall of her confidence. “Really good. But one slip-up-” 

“You should quit.” Dick declares this firmly, confidently. He always believes his own authority as fact. “You both should.” 

Deep down, he knows that both Dawn and Hank will never quit. Like himself, they do not take well to ‘retirement’. They will die doing this job or they will find quieter ways to keep doing good - but they will never rest. Rest feels too selfish. 

“That’s the plan.” Dawn replies. It feels like a lie coming out of her mouth, and she smiles around the discomfort of it. “As soon as we take out these gun suppliers he’s obsessed with. One more chance to do some good and then he promised he’s out.”

Suddenly, there was a flash of something else. 

Guns. Piles and piles of guns. Dawn being shot in the head from behind. Bright red blood soaking into white hair. A sneak attack while they have their guard down. Hank, overwhelmed by grief, unable to consider his own life as enemies surround him. 

He is forcefully pulled off her limp body. 

His screams bounce off the concrete walls as he is chained up and tortured. 

Things never go according to plan, do they? 

Dick gives her a sharp look as he considers the possibilities. Almost as if, due to his paranoia, he too can see the future. 

He wants to offer his help, or tell them simply not to go, but Dawn steals the words off his tongue. 

“You could help us out.” She remarks brightly. 

Yes, he could. He should. 

Another flash of similar events. 

This ends just as bloody. Similar howls of pain echo through the warehouse. Hank is limping as Dawn supports him, but all three of them are alive. They all make it back to the apartment alive. 

Dick is working on his personal definition of justice. It’s not exactly clean. (But it works.) 

But still, he hesitates. 

“I’m out of the life, Dawn.” 

Liar. 

Suddenly, Hank appears. He is surprisingly quiet for someone so large. 

“The hell are you doin’ here, Dick?” He barks out the name like poison - in a harsh, jutting way that many others have done before him. 

Everyone becomes tense. It’s an unwelcome reunion. 

“Hank.” Dawn speaks his name curtly - a reminder. Mind your temper. 

“I had a situation.” Dick tries to explain himself, being far too vague. 

But again, how does one cleanly summarize encountering a young girl with powers like Rachel’s and being so unsure how to handle it? And of course, Dick hates to admit being unsure of himself. He hates to admit needing help. He prefers to phrase things delicately - as though this were a choice, a fun day trip, rather than the desperate fleeing that it truly is. 

“Nice little reunion you got goin’ here.” Hank says sarcastically. 

“You know it’s not like that.” Dick replies. 

He is right, but poor at defending himself against Hank’s flare of jealousy. He is so walled off that he doesn’t dare to admit he doesn’t have eyes for Dawn anymore, even in the slightest. That relationship was nice, but those feelings died out long ago. He simply can’t see her in a romantic light anymore because his heart belongs to someone he believes could never want him in return. 

Follies for another time. 

“Sure looks like it to me.” Hank grunts in return. 

“Hank.” Dawn says his name sharper this time, capturing his attention as he stares at Dick with fire burning in his eyes. 

She nods toward Rachel, who is staring at all of them with confusion. 

It’s her. She’s the reason why we’re all here. She’s the reason we’re all going to be alive years from now. 

“What the fuck?” Hank is confused. Reasonable. 

“Can we just go back inside, please?” 

Good idea. 

… 

You woke up in a cold sweat, fumbling around numbly to turn on the lamp of the hotel room that you were staying in. Having your mind widen across the astral plane could be absolutely exhausting. 

Of course Dick had gone back to them. 

Looks like you were headed to DC. 

…

“Dawn, you can’t hit this job. Look at the number of security contractors here-” 

“Come on, don’t change the subject.” 

Dawn was cut off from speaking any further by a loud thud coming from the front door. Something almost akin to a knock. Hank (who had gone out to pick up some beer) had a key, so - that definitely wasn’t him. Rachel was in the guest room watching Game of Thrones - 

Dick and Dawn exchanged a look, both thinking the same thing. 

There was someone at the door. Someone unannounced.

And whoever was at the door might be someone looking for Rachel - someone seeking to harm her. In the kind of silent communication that had only been developed over years of working together as a team, Dick gave Dawn a nod and she calmly raised from her chair to go and check on Rachel. And then he grabbed his service pistol, flicking the safety off and cocking it - he swiftly walked to the front door, and while pointing the gun at whoever was outside. 

It was a clear warning, and also ready to fire if the person tried barging in. Dick opened the door slowly, and peered into the hallway, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he waited to see who it was. 

You. 

It was you. 

He let out a sharp breath of relief when the information fully penetrated his brain - the fact that it was you standing there, and not someone intending to do him or Rachel harm. Not an enemy. 

You were standing there as innocently as ever, wearing a red dress with a beautiful paisley pattern on it - still sporting those same brown leather boots and that same cozy jacket. Again, you looked so damn beautiful, and it shouldn’t have been comforting, and Dick shouldn’t have been filled with want. You were holding a paper tray full of coffee cups - which you had pressed against your breast for balance, and in the other hand, you had a large brown bag that seemed to be full of pastries from the smell. 

“Fuck.” He swore sharply, his arm still holding the gun up stiffly - his body still filled with the conflicting fight or flight response pumping through him, unanswered. 

You let out a bright laugh at this, seemingly amused by Dick’s tense aura. 

“Your greetings get more pleasant everytime I see you, Dick.” You said, nodding toward the gun that was still extended in your direction. 

He let out another tense breath, and forcefully unlocked his forearm then, in order to put the gun down. He put the safety back on and tucked it into the back of his waistband as he opened the door fully to let you inside. 

“You really are such a warm and welcoming person.” You added on, sarcasm ripe in your voice. 

“You’re an asshole.” Dick replied, still feeling the ache of a fight or flight response tearing through him as he tried to calm down. 

He knew that you hadn’t meant to scare him - or maybe you had, seeing as you hadn’t apologized, and seemed to find the whole thing entirely amusing. But at least you weren’t someone that he actually needed to shoot. So that was a plus. 

“I am not.” You replied snarkily, stepping past Dick and making your way into the apartment. “I’m nice. You told me that next time I should bring coffee, and I did. That’s the farthest thing from being an asshole.” 

“Dick, what’s going on?” Dawn called out, stepping out from the guest room with Rachel hot on her heels. 

Realization spread across her features when she saw you placing your goodies on the counter as Dick closed and locked the front door. 

“Y/N,” Dawn smiled, walking over to give you a hug after you had set everything down. 

You embraced her tightly for a moment before she pulled away with a smile. Dick rolled his eyes at this - still annoyed at your presence. He would never admit it, but he was upset that Dawn was much happier to see you than she had been when he had arrived. 

“Another friend?” Rachel asked, hovering at the edge of the kitchen, slightly hesitant of you. 

“A good friend.” Dawn confirmed, shining her smile toward Rachel. “Rachel, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is-” 

“Rachel. Hi.” You cut off Dawn as she made the introduction, giving a gentle wave toward Rachel while she nodded shyly at you. 

“A friend who’s not supposed to be here.” Dick added on gruffly. 

“Grumpy grumps don’t get danishes.” You said, holding up the large brown paper bag. 

Dick sighed and rolled his eyes, wanting to protest about you distracting from the larger point with pastries - but technically, he had asked you to bring them. 

“We’ve got… a medium vanilla latte for Dawn,” You pulled the cup out of the tray, now doling out the coffee orders. It was something that you knew partially from memory, and partially from the omnipotence that came with your powers.

She took it with a quiet ‘thank you’. 

“A small black coffee with extra sugar for Rachel.” You offered her the paper cup, and she loosened up on her hesitance toward you, eagerly leaning in to grab it. She smiled at the fact that you knew her preference and didn’t question her for drinking coffee at such a young age. 

“Thanks.” She said brightly. 

“A large black coffee for grumpy pants.” You said, holding out a cup towards Dick. 

When he reached for it, you teasingly swiped it back before you actually gave it to him, and he heaved out another sigh. 

“Are you gonna tell me what you’re doing here?” He asked sharply as he popped open the lid on the cup and took a sip. 

You decided to ignore him. 

“And an Americano for Hank.” You went on speaking about the coffee, rather than answering Dick’s question. “What kind of sociopath drinks watered down espresso anyway?” 

“He-” Dawn spoke up, about to tell you that Hank was at the store, not even there to enjoy it while it was still hot. But then, there was the sound of lock and key in the door and it came bursting open. 

“Dawn, I got your stupid fru-fru coconut ice cream. I had to go to three different stores for it, and-” 

When Hank saw everyone gathered in the kitchen, including the surprising addition of you, he glared as he kicked the door shut behind him. 

“Well, isn’t this a real goddamn-” 

“A real goddamn summer camp.” You cut him off, literally stealing the words out of his mouth. 

“God, I fucking hate it when you do that.” Hank sighed, a visible stiffness running through him - similar to the way Dick looked when you said ominous things. He was creeped out and defensive at the same time. 

“Would a pecan cinnamon roll make you feel better?” You posed, pulling a smaller bag out of the bag of pastries and offering it to him. 

“You know, you always were my favorite.” He replied, quickly changing his tune as he came to grab the treat from you, a snarky smile spreading across his lips. 

Dick reached for the brown bag sitting on the counter to get one of those danishes you had mentioned. You saw this out of the corner of your eye, and you snatched it away from him. You had meant what you said. He tensed up visibly but didn’t argue. 

Dawn giggled, pointedly looking between the two of you before she reached into the bag herself - of course, only for you to slide it closer to her. 

Dick sighed harshly and tried to move on from the subject. “Now, are you gonna tell me what you’re doing here?” 

…

It wasn’t long before Dick sequestered you away, demanding answers. He dragged you into Dawn and Hank’s bathroom, actually. This left Dawn to awkwardly fill the space with Rachel, who was wondering who you were, and was asking more questions as she sensed the tension between you and Dick. Meanwhile, Hank scarfed down his pecan bun without a single care about the circumstances of your visit now that he was fed. 

You sat on the edge of the bathtub with your arms crossed, looking at Dick with firm calculation, just like you always did, waiting for him to speak. He shoved his hands in his pockets - something that made his whole stance tense and broad and horribly appealing. It was something that reminded you that he had stayed perfectly fit since you had last seen him - and he had nothing but fine, firm muscles under that shirt. 

You forced yourself to focus as he stiffened his jaw and stared right back at you. 

“Well?” He scoffed. 

“‘Well’ what, Grayson?” You nagged back, knowing fully well what he meant. 

He sharply rolled his eyes. That seemed to be a reaction that you invoked from him quite frequently. 

“Why the hell did you follow me?” He sighed, his breath too tired to be as fully demanding as he intended. 

You wondered when the last time he had slept was. He was someone who wore insomnia strangely well, especially considering that Bruce had driven him to be sleepless since his teen years. It was something that he was accustomed to by now, so he never got the ‘bags under eyes’, ‘half dead��� thing that most other people did when they didn’t sleep. He simply looked like himself. 

You hated how much internal destruction and self abuse suited him. 

“Who says I followed you?” You replied, your natural instinct toward snark acting up again. “Maybe I just felt like dropping by. Dawn and Hank are my friends, too.” 

You almost added on ‘apparently they like me more than they like you, anyway’ - but you didn’t feel the need to kick him so badly when he was already down. 

Dick let out a quiet growl, reaching up to firmly pinch the bridge of his nose with his finger and a thumb. 

Already, you were wearing his patience thin. 

You knew that you couldn’t tell him the truth. 

One thing you knew for certain - Dick Grayson was a control freak. It was something that had been carved into him by trauma and fully solidified by years of training with Bruce. 

That night, so long ago - having his parents slip out from his grasp when he had been so young, while performing a routine that they were known for courageously doing without a safety net. A routine that they were so certain of and knew so well, having never factored in the act of murderous sabotage that ultimately killed them - it made Dick want to obsessively control every single aspect of his life and everyone else’s around him. 

Not only did he want to help those around him avoid danger, but he wanted the people around him to behave exactly how he imagined that they should at all times. 

He was constantly on the lookout for frayed ropes - for the unexpected variables that might be the downfall of someone that he loved. He felt that his parents’ death had been his fault, that he hadn’t been diligent enough that night, so he needed to be hypervigilant in every other aspect of his life to keep more people from dying. 

It was part of the reason that you bothered him so much. You were always unexpected - always a wild variable that he had to chase down. Whether it was your actions, your words, or your reactions to the things that he did and said - he felt like he could never predictably nail you down, and he absolutely fucking hated it. (It was probably also one of the reasons that he got such a fantastic release from fucking you - but that was a box of emotional issues he was not yet willing to open.) 

But - being the control freak that he was - he liked to try and control the outcome of your visions. 

Yes, you did see the future in your visions. And yes, the version of that future that you saw could sometimes be changed. It was part of the reason that you tried to interfere to stop bad things. You had seen many things before that had never come true - both good things and terrible things. 

But you had warned Dick time and time again that the future is not random. You never saw simple flashes of random possible outcomes and one of those realities might come true. No - you saw people’s intentions. You saw the results of the choices that people make. 

If someone intended to commit a murder - you would see death. If they changed their mind - you would see life. If someone interfered to stop that murder - the future could change in a lot of strange ways because of it. 

Life is a winding path with a lot of branches to it, and when someone makes a choice, some of those branches die off. 

Dick Grayson’s controlling, all mighty, ‘need to interfere’ mindset certainly had a way of changing the future. He constantly felt the need to use the information from your visions to force people into making the ‘right’ choice. But sometimes, on the path we choose to avoid our fate, we run headfirst into it. 

You were never going to tell him - but Dick and his controlling nature had gotten people killed before. 

You had discovered over time that it was better to simply not tell him things - to hold back information until it was the right time for him to hear it. 

“Do you actually enjoy being irritating?” Dick rasped harshly at you. “Or is it just something that you’re good at?” 

You shrugged. “Probably both.” 

He let out another stiff breath. 

“Look, I’m here for Rachel.” You said, trying to correct course. “She’s mourning, she’s confused, her powers are out of control. She needs someone to help guide her. Someone who might be able to show her how to keep her powers under control.” 

“O-kay.” Dick said, clearly dubious, not fully convinced. He looked at you with his brows firmly knit, and you felt the need to further convince him. 

“Look, I’m not stalking you if you think that’s what it is.” You added on. “I had a vision, I saw you and Dawn on the roof-” 

“Okay, okay, I get it now.” Dick smirked sarcastically, crossing his arms firmly over his chest, making his biceps bulge inside of his button down shirt in a way that was far too appealing. 

Focus - you reminded yourself. Focus. 

“What?” You replied, genuinely confused. 

“You don’t like me spending time with Dawn.” He declared, continuing to smirk at you as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

More than anything, this left you utterly fucking confused. 

“What?” You chuckled, repeating the word like a gaping parrot - a nervous, awkward edge in your voice. 

You liked Dawn. She was one of your best friends. 

And you didn’t give a rat’s ass if Dick and Dawn spent time together. Especially because you knew that Dick coming here was him fleeing to a friend while in crisis, not him looking for a hookup. Especially not while Dawn and Hank were together. Dawn was nothing if not intensely loyal. 

And nothing would have happened while Hank was in the apartment. You had never seen Dick and Hank fight - but Hank was just a bit bigger, and because of his upbringing, he had absolutely no qualms about fighting dirty, even when he was fighting a friend. So you knew who you would bet on in that fight. 

So - what the hell was Dick talking about? 

Even with your strange sense of omnipotence, you couldn’t tell at the time - Dick was baiting you. Hard. He wanted you to flip out, to get jealous. 

It was the emotionally stunted thing to do, but he wanted to see some sense that you cared. 

At least Hank going full cave-man mode upon seeing Dick meant that he thought what he had with Dawn was precious and worth protecting. It meant that he saw Dick as a threat. 

When you continued to stare at Dick with nothing but confusion, gaping like a fish, he flailed, realizing what a terrible move this was. And for some stupid reason, instead of dropping the subject altogether, he dug himself deeper into the hole. 

“You know, the thing with me and Dawn is all in the past.” He said, mentally squirming, waiting to see how you would react. “There’s really nothing going on between us.” 

“Yeah.” You smoothed your lips into a firm line, completely uncaring about this line of conversation. “Good for you.” 

Perhaps mistaking the annoyance in these words as the jealousy that he was so urgently seeking, his tone completely changed then. Like a child throwing a tantrum, he had gotten the negative energy that he wanted from the interaction - so he kept on digging in. 

“Okay, you know what?” He snapped. “If you’re not gonna tell me why you’re really here, then I’m just gonna have to assume that you’re bullshitting.” 

“Oh, I’m bullshitting?” You replied, resisting the urge to break into a grin. 

He had seen solid proof of your powers on many occasions. He had seen you do things that couldn’t be proven by science. So why was he only accusing you of ‘bullshitting’ right now?

“Yes.” He replied stoically. “You didn’t see anything - you don’t actually know anything. You don’t know shit. You’re probably just guessing, and making shit up as you go along and hoping people will believe you.” 

“Okay.” You shrugged. 

You were unphased by this declaration. You knew by now to trust your visions - even if Dick was revoking that trust. You knew that you had solid information, and if you didn’t follow it, the lives of the people that you loved were at risk. 

You guessed that this was just Dick throwing a tantrum because you wouldn’t share that information with him. 

Dick ground his teeth. Unconsciously, he was still intensely frustrated that he hadn’t gotten more of a reaction out of you. Whether it was the information that he was looking for - or some greater sense of anger or urgency that he felt when you were around. But he needed something. He needed to know that you still felt something because of him.

You were always so damn calm. Far too calm for his liking.

“You’re just guessing.” He pressed on. “It’s not that hard to know I would come here. You just fucking followed me because-” 

“So you’re saying that all the military tactics Bruce taught you never paid off, and you’re intensely predictable when fleeing under pressure?” You chuckled, pointing out the flaws in his own logic. 

Dick flinched. 

He hated how uncomfortable your words made him. Squirming in that discomfort - he went low. 

“And you’re admitting that you’re just a bullshit carnival psychic like your mother was?” 

It was a tender wound. 

The moment that your face fell - shifting from mild amusement at your own joke to intense pain and hurt - Dick’s insides recoiled with regret. 

“Y/N-” He sighed. 

“Nope.” You cut him off sharply, shoving past him. 

He let you, finally allowing you to escape the tense air of the bathroom so you could go out and properly catch up with Dawn while drinking your coffee. 

… 

No matter how angry you were with him, you couldn’t let him die. 

Even as you laughed and chatted with Dawn, and got to know Rachel a bit, you couldn’t get the flashes of horrifying possible futures out of your mind. 

… 

Where is Dick Grayson? Where is Dick Grayson? Where is he? 

A crazed family singing showtunes. A skipping rope being used as a whip - knives plunging through flesh. Torture. Pain. Screams. 

You saw Dick fleeing with Rachel in the night, believing that he had made the right decision to protect her. Believing that he was keeping you, and Dawn and Hank safe. You heard a sharp screech of tires as he was cut off on a dark backroad by an old-fashioned station wagon with wooden paneling. A car crash. Dick flew through the front windshield - and as he bled to death, his last moments were spent hearing Rachel’s cries for help as she was dragged from the car. 

Bad decision. 

Dick spoke about ‘some job’ that Hank and Dawn were planning and instantly, there were flashes through your mind of Dawn shot in the head, laying on the floor in a pool of her own blood - Hank’s screams of anguish as he was chained and tortured. 

They need his help. 

Why were you there? 

To stop those bad decisions. Hopefully. 

You couldn’t explain it all to Dick - you couldn’t play it all out for him so simply. He was a control freak. If you told him all the details, then he would insist on making a choice. He would insist on running the play. And he might make one of those stupid choices. You had to avoid making the same mistake that your mother had. Don’t give those stubborn, powerful men too much information and trust them to use it wisely - because they most likely won’t. 

“You should go with them.” You told Dick, your voice curt - the first time that you had acknowledged him in hours. 

He seemed shocked by you even looking in his direction, let alone speaking to him after the comment he had made. 

“Look, Y/N-” 

“I’ll stay with Rachel.” You added on. 

When Rachel eagerly agreed to this, it seemed to seal the deal for him. 

He acted as though it was his plan all along. 

Whatever made him feel better about it. 

… 

You and Rachel ended up on the rooftop. She gravitated toward the doves - she found them calming, as she told you. 

“How do you know Dick?” She asked you, clearly unable to keep down that curiosity that was naturally biting at her. 

With the cool night air whipping at your cheeks, you found it easy to be vulnerable with her. 

“We grew up together.” You told her. 

“You were a part of the Circus?” She asked, giving a small amused grin at the thought. 

“Yes.” You confirmed, mirroring her smile. Sometimes the nostalgia was painful, but unlike Dick, you didn’t try to forget it. “My mother was a fortune teller - a psychic. She was considered one of the best. People would come from miles around, or even follow the Circus from place to place just to have their palm read by her.” 

Rachel laughed at this, clearly amused. 

“So what - she had a big crystal ball, and she would read the lines on your hand to tell you how long you’re gonna live?” 

You shrugged. 

“Something like that.” You confirmed.

There was a beat of silence. Knowing what Rachel was going through, you felt the need to confess something to her. 

“My mother - she died when I was about your age.” You told her, knowing that it was likely something she needed to hear. 

It can always be comforting to know that you’re not alone. 

Rachel looked at you with large, piercing eyes - heavy grief still dancing there. It was still so fresh. Your heart ached for her. 

“What happened?” She asked. 

With her powers, you were surprised that she didn’t already know. 

But you thought it apt to explain it to her. 

“My mother didn’t just do card tricks and read palms.” You said. “She was special. Special like us, special.” 

A distinct look of dawning came across Rachel’s features. 

“She had powers.” She said softly. 

You nodded. 

“So, wait - are these kinds of powers… genetic?” She asked eagerly, seeming to perk with interest at this. 

Suddenly, a million long-dead questions about a father she had never known overtook her like a tidal wave. 

Obviously, her mother had been perfectly normal. Had she gotten her powers from her father? If she found him, would he be able to tell her who she truly was? 

“I suppose so.” You answered meekly, hating that you didn’t know for certain. “I hate that I can’t say for sure.” 

Rachel’s face fell at this.

Then, something occurred to her. 

“How did your mom’s powers kill her?” She asked. 

“It - it wasn’t really her powers that killed her.” You began to explain. “It was more… the way she used them.” 

Rachel looked at you expectantly, and you continued. 

“Before she died… she saw what happened to Dick’s parents in a vision. How they died.” You explained. “She tried to stop it, and the people who were intent on killing them weren’t too happy about it. So they killed her too.” 

It was a fate that you were constantly trying to avoid - stumbling into death while trying to save those that you loved. It was one of the reasons that you put up with so much attitude from Dick Grayson. You would much rather have him alive and giving you lip than have him dead because of some mistake that you made. 

Rachel looked pensive for a moment - watching the birds as they rested in their large cage. 

“Is that why you’re helping us now?” She asked quietly. “You’re trying to keep us from getting killed?” 

“I’m doing my best.” You remarked, anxious hope ripe in your voice. 

…

Clustering voices. A tense argument. 

It was broken up by - 

“Hello there.” 

The faux sweetness of a dangerous stranger. 

Fear shook you. The sound gave you a sense of deja vu. You recognized them from a far off vision. 

Before you could warn the others, it broke into a brutal fight. 

You used all the training you had, but you were distracted by Dick being thrown off the roof. Something hit you in the head, hard - you heard Dawn cry out for help, and you saw a cluster of blonde hair and limbs as she went flying. 

Rachel screamed and reached out for you and you desperately reached back - you were dizzy and blinking heavily and didn’t even remember being knocked down. 

“Dawn! Dawn!” 

You heard Dick shouting urgently and then you realized in horror that she might be dead. 

Dawn. 

You were sluggish and felt wetness on the side of your face that must have been blood, but you forcibly peeled yourself off the ground, stumbling toward the sound of Dick’s voice - toward the fire escape. You tripped down a few of the stairs, your blurred eyes only focused on the shape of them - him crouching over her body, blonde hair splayed across the pavement, limp legs. 

She’s not dead. 

She can’t be. 

When you made it to her, you fell to your knees beside her. With the last of her energy, she locked eyes with you. 

Fear. Anxiety. Terror. Trust. 

She knew that you would help her. 

Her eyes drifted closed, and Dick panicked. 

“Dawn, Dawn!” 

“Be quiet.” You barked at him. 

You needed to concentrate. 

“You’re telling me to shut up?” He griped back, his fear and panic foaming up through his lips as intense anger directed towards you. “Shouldn’t you have seen this coming? What happened to-?” 

“I don’t appreciate the attitude.” You ground out, looking up at him to find nothing but pure fear staring back at you. “Now - Shut. Up.” 

You placed your hand gently onto Dawn’s forehead - you concentrated hard, focusing your powers on her. You couldn’t do anything about her physical injuries, but you could preserve the parts of her that mattered the most. You could keep her spirit alive. You could lock her memories away in a safe place so that she would be whole when her body healed. 

“What kind of voodoo bullshit is she doing?” Hank huffed out, having just made it down the fire escape himself. 

“Be quiet and let her work.” Dick told him, waving a dismissive hand in Hank’s direction. 

For once in their lives, both of the men sat in silence, actually deferring to you and following your lead. 

They trusted you to do something good for her, rather than doing more harm.

...

A/N: If you want to be tagged in future parts of this, you can sign up for my DC Titans taglist - just let me know that you want to be a part of that taglist by commenting below, and keep in mind that I have taglist rules. Also, I only have a general taglist for DC Titans fics, not a specific taglist for this series because this series updates sporadically and not on a schedule.

Please do not ask me when this fic will be updated - this fic does not have a schedule.

While this is technically part of a 'series', each chapter is meant to be enjoyed on its own. The overarching plot of the series is still that of the original Titans show, and I won't be making any major changes to the canon of the show - I just intend to showcase smaller emotional moments between the reader character and the canon characters. This is something I want to work on casually in the background between working on other things. This fic is not my main focus, and I will not be rushing to update it or complete it.

To me, this fic is a nice slow casual walk through the woods to enjoy the scenery, rather than a marathon with a clearly outlined route and a specific finish line as other series have been for me in the past.

Comments and reblogs are encouraged, and I am thankful for them - but please keep those comments focused on the actual content of the series - it's plot, the characters, their dynamics, even predictions for the plot of future chapters are okay, as long as you are not asking when the fic will be updated. Please do not spam me asking me to update this or asking me when I will update this - because I am not in a rush to do so. I have a lot of ideas for this series that I am excited about, but I want to work on it slowly and casually because I don't want to lose my enthusiasm for it and I know that rushing will take that enthusiasm away.

If you enjoyed this - great, thank you, I am so glad that you do. But if you expect this to be updated weekly like a factory pumping out stuff on a clearly outlined schedule - then you are in the wrong place. If you are expecting constant updates of this fic and you will be disappointed if it doesn't get updated regularly - you should just block me now and pretend you didn't read it.

But if you are a patient person - feel free to read and enjoy my other Titans works while I am working on updates for this (and working on other exciting things). I particularly recommend reading Your First Kiss With Dick Grayson to scratch that emotionally constipated Dick Grayson itch if this fic left you feening. Also, feel free to send me a message telling me what you thought of this fic or other fics in general.

Also - if you can't get Dick Grayson off your mind - my requests are open. And I would really love some requests for shorter fics with Dick, like headcanons or reactions. Otherwise, comments are appreciated and I really hope that you have a great day!

[freaky-munson]

and i thought we were meant to be forever

navigation

hi guys!! it is a little bit different than what i had in mind during writing it’s teaser but i couldn’t bring myself to make it that angsty - if you want more heartbreaking version let me know

story that began in high school when steve was still an asshole

steve harrington x reader

warnings: angst; slight fluff in the end

words: 2,794

present

there were many things Steve Harrington regretted in his 19 years old life. he was sure that great amount of them he didn’t even remember properly, spending most of his high school years partying and drinking till unconsciousness.

the thing what would make him cringe the most was dating Nancy - at least dating Nancy that long to make her call him and their whole relationship bullshit; he knew it was mistake, almost from the beginning of their relationship. he saw the longing looks either Nancy or Jonathan would send each other. but of course he chose to ignore it due to his “King Steve” era - because how could he, the most handsome, funny and athletic guy lose a Hawkins’ princess to some weird loser.

sometimes he wished he befriended other people. tommy and carol were bullies from the beginning, laughing at others’ expense - that flag should be red enough to stop him from hanging out with them. although, then what? he would be left alone, with no one to talk with during lunch, maybe some guys would even plead to remove him from basketball team because “he wasn’t in the clique anymore” and that - besides swimming team - was the only thing bringing him joy those days.

the only thing he left in the dark parts of his memories was brief romance with shy girl in sophomore year of high school. he felt kind of bad that he didn’t even try to learn her last name, maybe that was his way of coping with this whole blue situation; in that sad part of his life where he was real asshole, with capital A, he didn’t have any thoughts of trying to reach the girl, trying to ease the situation.

„Why can’t you just say it?!”

“I have nothing left”

“Are fucking kidding me? You go around telling all of our friends some fucked up shit about me and you dare to lie straight to my face that you don’t have anything against me?”

“It isn’t fucked up shit if it’s 100% sure! Why would I use my energy to talk to you when you never listened to me? It’s surprising that you pulled your head out of your selfish ass and actually paid attention to others!”

“You know what - I don’t fucking care anymore. We are done. I’m so tired of you belittling me and trying to gaslight me. I hope that you will grow up someday, Steve.”

“If I knew you were such a bitch, I would never agreed to take that bet. If Tommy didn’t pay me 50 bucks you would always remain that sad, insecure virgin that no one wants. So be glad cause I actually made you a little bit desired. Cause you couldn’t do that on your own, obviously.”

there was no shame in admitting that, no point in lying; because in the end it was true and everybody was aware of it.

now, after getting his own ass beaten intermittently in the past made him act with hint of humility. perhaps it was his slightly crooked nose from being broken one too many times that made him think about fucking this stupid hierarchy, learn some compassion, start to actually think about his future rather than live in the present, spending daddy’s money and sleeping around with every volunteering girl.

was that new lifestyle worth all the hustle? one could say no, it cost him his title, popularity, long queue of waiting girls. for steve though, it was refreshing, the wake up call he needed for the long time.

and that helped him actually find good friends; robin who he worked with, who was big part in his change; dustin getting the role of younger brother who felt more like his family than his own blood parents; nancy and jonathan - what made him the most surprised - they were huge help with correcting his SATs results to get him better chance at college. even eddie munson worked his way into close friends group.

maybe earlier he was treated with more seriousness and some weird teenage respect - being the person all guys wanted to be and all girls wanting to be with. right now when he was called dingus, mom of the group, the hair, the best babysitter - he didn’t mind; he knew that it was all meant in love, fun, it had sincere tone, not like the previous praises.

did he ever think about repairing his mistakes? yes, he mend amends with byers boy, even upgraded from enemies to neutral acquaintances with one and only billy hargrove.

albeit his conscience wasn’t peaceful yet. his heart and soul couldn’t deal with the fact of this one ill-fated bet that made that pretty girl leave town. cause he knew that no coincidence would magically take place in the same time his harsh and cruel words did just to make him feel better.

he asked about her his girl-friends; both of them heard rumours, even knew personally y/n but in the end only the pair knew what exactly happened. even then, y/n remained as sweet as she was the whole time, never wanting to harm anyone the way she was treated. it only made steve feel even worse; how could he behave like that? not remembering anything specific about the girl, besides few little happy, now seeming meaningless moments, didn’t stop him from constantly having flashbacks of these hurtful words. and wishing he would do it all again, but differently.

what made him shiver was the fact that at that moment he almost meant every single word.

because if asked what was she like, he would immediately answer “beautiful like an angel, with even prettier smile”; because of course he was aware of her beauty and disgusting comments of her body, connected to this fact, he heard almost daily in the men locker room

“i would fuck her bare, i’m sure her cunt is like a wonderful glove”

“have you seen her boobs? she could suffocate me with them”

“and that juicy ass, if she won’t give herself to my fortunately i know a way”

as much as he was a jerk, he was respectful; and talking about any girl that objectifing way made him mad. so when the opportunity came he firstly agreed to that “ask her out” bet. in a way he wanted to be a hero, but part of him wanted to get her, to make him look even more like a king in peers’ eyes.

but besides the part of her being not desirable, at that moment his 16 years old self was almost sure he was telling the truth.

they had multiple fights earlier, as any young couples, he couldn’t count how many times carol and tommy were breaking up and getting back together.

but the arguments weren’t the worst. what he mostly disliked about the girl was how genuine she was; she was selfish but in the way steve was jealous about - she fought for herself, if she set her mind on something, she would do it. but her slight egoism didn’t hurt anyone - unlike his.

y/n was actually gradually making him better version of himself; she introduced him to her friends, who were way more pleasant than his own; she forced him to learn and read more. at first he didn’t mind, it was nice change of environment, the problems started to build up when those amendments have been seen by tommy and the rest. steve, having no parents around, wanting some kind of appreciation, couldn’t been seen as a pussy. it was around that time were he stared rumours about her being freak in the sheets, describing her body in detailed way, shown for his eyes only.

when she didn’t like those, he stared calling her slut and bitchy prude, not knowing how to have fun; to make it worse, all the new friends she made during her relationship with steve turned her back to her, valuing their reputation over the truth the girl wanted to share.

the fight where he screamed at her was the day he admitted to himself that he stared to fall for the girl. but he couldn’t, it was only a bet and his great “friends” would eat him alive if he backed out of this challenge; it would also bring more prats her way, trying to mount her just to show their toxic masculinity. then he did what he thought was the best - he pushed her away, made her less attractive to other people, running away from responsibilities. just because he was not man enough to abandon his toxic friends to choose girl who made him feel hundreds times happier.

so after almost these 3 years, he still told himself that he actually saved her. those words they threw around during the breakup which led the girl away were for him just a small price for this high award of peers’ acceptance and girl’s freedom from creeps.

only that allowed him to forget and hide this in the back of his mind.

to be honest, he had no idea what he would say to y/n if she came back to hawkins; “i’m sorry” in this situation seemed almost stupid; it couldn’t take back any pain the girl experienced that day. he destroyed her self-confidence to the point, she would rather pack her bags and leave for some private school

and y/n really tried to be tough; she has been building her bad, stone cold bitch image for the whole first half of the high school. but these words hit her hard. hard enough to make her decision to leave Hawkins for private school so much easier.

would she change her decision if she had a chance? maybe. she left her friends, her family, her whole life. but it the end she was glad; hawkins was small, sometimes suffocating. and new york? it opened so much new perspectives. new friends, new environment, new teachers. college now seemed like a beautiful continuation of the dream, not the only way to escape small town life.

it also made her think about this whole steve situation; after moving in to her dorm, she had plenty time to think. even when the boy hurt her incredibly she couldn’t bring herself to hate him; in those little moment of his sincerity, she saw that he was small, insecure boy with no support from his closest family. it took her a little more time to forgive him but in the end she did. ‘make love, not war’ they said.

but with this whole understanding came curiosity; she had just one question; why?

fortunately for her, less for him, she had quite opportunity to came back to indiana. she couldn’t imagine not being able to participate in her dearest older sister’s wedding day.

hawkins didn’t specifically change; it still was a small town, full of family houses and this hint of mysteriousness; as it was nearing the end of summer it was full of teenagers and young adults trying to enjoy their last free days;

y/s/n being the introvert her whole life, didn’t want his huge bridal party what only could make her feel anxious and uncomfortable - so y/n being this great sister planned a rom com movie night in the recess of their peaceful backyard.

the obvious place to get the movies was family video. as she wasn’t aware of this new steve era, all the more so she was shocked to see harrington there; was it another stupid bet of his?

but seeing him honestly smiling and bickering with the short haired girl, made her not so sure. did the miracle happen and steve harrington actually become nice and somewhat normal person?

“well mr harrington this is the last place i would imagine seeing you in. and additionally as a worker? actually you may be human not walking ass!” the happy joking tone of her voice made steve almost jump out of his body; was the heat so big that he fainted and it was all in his dream? why it appeared now a after so much time?

“y/n?”

“in the flesh! how are you?”

steve didn’t like it; he was aware that she was one of the nicest people alive, only wearing mask of cold bitch, but he couldn’t believe she was actually nice to him.

“been good. been better, worse too. you cut your hair.”

y/n smiled a little; she knew that the boy was feeling like in some weird ass dream, his face now was much more expressive than when he was 16 years old, only starting to become a young man.

“yeah, i thought that it would match more the whole new york vibe. i’m actually glad i met you though.”

“i’m sorry but i’m not going to pretend it’s normal situation anymore.” removing his vest he turned his head to his coworker and grabbed his car keys from the cupboard “i’m taking my lunch break. and we are going to talk”

shrugging her shoulders, y/n followed her ex boyfriend to his car. the somehow pleasant silence taking place in the car made their drive to local diner seemed almost like they were some best friends, never needing to talk to understand each other.

“i don’t want to seem more jerkish than i already am in your eyes, but what game are you playing?”

“steve, i don’t know what you mean. i made a slight mistake of leaving abruptly, not wanting to resolve our problems by communication as we should. i want to know the reason why we didn’t made it through.”

“y/n, we didn’t survive because i was a stupid boy. there was no chance because as much as i cared about you then, i cared about popularity more. how can you still talk to me after all those things i said. after the bet i took. are you trying to get revenge? go for it, cause so you know, i kinda grew up, just as you asked me. i reflected my life and i have been so disappointed in myself that it made me realise that i’m not surprised that for such a long time i didn’t have real friends. so whatever you do, won’t even hurt me any more than i already hurt myself.”

y/n was surprised; she never thought about some revenge; it was stupid, childish and unnecessary. she believed in second chances. she saw them as new, blank piece of paper to write a new story

“i’m not here for revenge. i just wanted the whole picture, not only my assumptions. which may be stupid, cause i’m hanging onto something from time long ago. to be honest i knew about the bet from the beginning. it wasn’t natural for one of the most popular boys go for quiet, bookwormish girl. just i’m curious why did you lie to whole school? as i remember being slut and prude was quite accomplishment” steve clearly saw that the girl was still as genuine as she was then. her eyes were laughing, telling him she overworked all that high school drama and was above it. he just couldn’t understand why she forgave him that easily “i see that you are still beating yourself with all of this. i really forgave you. i cherish those moments where you showed me your true self, i clearly see in you right now, because it helped me understand that it wasn’t you in that moment”

“as cheesy as i may sound, i chose to cut you to protect you. from myself for the most part. i stared to fall for you, and it was something new. feelings i have never felt before, which have never been shown to me. besides as i mentioned i cared about my status so when guys stared to mock me for falling in love with you, i tried to defend my honour in return ruining yours. and i’m really sorry for that. hearing what those other guys said about you, made my blood boil, so i tried to remove their attention from you, shitty way i know.”

“i cared about you too. even then where you treated me like shit. maybe we should talk then, like normal, adult people”

“except that we weren’t adults then, at least i wasn’t. even now i don’t think i have an adult mindset like you”

“it takes years of practice dear friend. i think i want to really get to know your new personality steve harrington. now that there is no obstacles in our way.”

“you know what, i think that’s a great idea. can i tell you a secret?” y/n nodded vigorously smiling like and idiot “in my nice moments i always had a feeling our story won’t end where it stopped 3 years ago”

“i will tell you a secret too. in our cute little moments i always thought we were meant to be forever.”

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