#just to come home again and do the exact same thing
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NNN - chris sturniolo - long distances
You and Chris had been together for a little over a year, content with one another and the company each of you had to bring.
Before hand â you were good friends, best friends to be exact. Not with just him, but with his brothers too, and it was nice to know nothing really changed after putting a label on the two of you.
Chris and his brothers were already in their filming career when you had gotten together â making videos and posting them twice a week for their fan base that was already growing so large within a short amount of time.
Though, one day, while cuddled up with chris on your couch at your home â he broke the news to you.
He was moving to LA with Matt and Nick. Having already made enough money to afford a nice little place there. It was shocking to hear, and at first you were upset â upset with the fact you couldnât see him everyday and you wouldnât be around him when you needed him or wanted him.
But, the upset had been replaced with excitement over time. Thinking of all the possibilities for Chris and how amazing it was that he was able to do this with his brothers. And of all the stories you would be able to hear about his new life in a busy and bustling city.
When the day had finally come for him to move â it was spent with tears and hugs and promises to one another that everything would be okay.
And for the most part it was, you called every night â texted each other too many times through out the day and stayed connected. But, at some point things started to change. Chris grew more busy with work and with his clothing line he was starting, and the absence made you feel empty. Like he wasnât even really there.
There were less calls, more messages being left on read or delivered â but Chris at least would tell you when he was busy and couldnât talk, which you appreciated.
Eventually, everything began to weigh down on you. And you needed to tell him â needed to let him know how you were feeling. That you were having doubts.
-
Your room was quiet except for the faint hum of your laptop. Chrisâ face filled the screen, his familiar features bathed in the soft light of his LA room. He looked tired, his curls messier than usual and his celtics hoodie hanging loosely on his frame. You tried to ignore the hollow ache in your chest as you smiled at him.
âHow was your day?â you asked, forcing a casual tone as your eyes looked around your screen, taking in the view youâve seen hundreds of times already.
Chris shrugged, leaning back against his chair. âSame as usual. Filmed with Nick and Matt, ran some errands. We tried this new sushi place for dinner. It was good, but, uh⌠not as good as Boston sushi.â
You let out a soft laugh, even though it stung a little. âBoston sushi is definitely better. Howâs the apartment coming along?â you asked â a question that would slip here and there.
Chris shrugged slightly. âFine, I guess. Still trying to figure out where to put everything. Matt thinks we need more stuff on the walls, but Nick keeps saying we donât. Itâs a whole thing.â He gave a faint smile, his voice lacking its usual warmth. âWhat about you? How was work?â
âBusy,â you said simply, picking at the edge of your blanket. âCame home, made dinner⌠I made too much again. I keep forgetting Iâm just cooking for one now.â you admitted. Being so used to his presence all the time, you often made dinner for two people â it was still a hard adjustment.
Chrisâ smile faltered, guilt flashing in his eyes. âIâm sorry,â he said softly.
You shook your head quickly, brushing it off. âItâs not your fault. I just need to get used to it still â even if itâs been a little.â
The conversation then faded into silence, and for a moment, all you could hear was the faint rustle of Chris adjusting his laptop. He looked away, his jaw tense, and you felt the words building in your chest â words youâd been too scared to say for weeks right on the tip of your tongue.
It was now or never.
âChris,â you began hesitantly, your voice barely above a whisper. âCan we⌠uhm - can we talk about us?â the words slipping past your lips felt like a burn on your own tongue.
His gaze snapped back to you, his expression guarded. âWhat about us?â
You hesitated, the lump in your throat making it hard to speak. âI just⌠I feel like things have been different lately. At first, we were doing so well â texting all the time, FaceTiming every night. But now⌠I donât know. It feels like weâre drifting apart.â
Chrisâs brows furrowed at your words, his shoulders visibly tensing. âIâve noticed it too,â he admitted after a pause. âI just didnât know how to bring it up. I didnât want to make things worse.â
You blinked, surprised by his honesty. âYou didnât think Iâd feel the same?â
âI donât know,â he said, running a hand through his curls. âI didnât want to say anything and make you think I was doubting us or something. And Iâm not. I love you. But thisâŚâ He gestured vaguely, his hand moving between him and the screen. âThis is hard. Harder than I thought itâd be.â
The crack in his voice made your heart ache, but you nodded, tears stinging the corner of your eyes. âIt is hard. I miss you so much, Chris. Some nights, itâs all I can think about â how empty this place feels without you here. And then I start wondering⌠what if we canât do this? What if itâs too much?â
Chrisâs eyes widened slightly, his panic evident. âWait, are you saying you want toââ
���No!â you interrupted quickly, shaking your head. âNo â Chris, thatâs not what I mean. I just⌠I donât know how to fix this. And I hate feeling like weâre not as close as we used to be.â
Chris let out a slow breath, his shoulders slumping. âI feel the same way,â he said quietly. âI hate that I canât just drive over and see you when youâve had a bad day. I hate that I canât be there to hold you. And honestly⌠sometimes, I feel like Iâm letting you down.â
âYouâre not,â you said firmly, leaning closer to the screen. âChris, youâre doing the best you can. We both are. But we need to be honest with each other if weâre going to make this work.â
He nodded slowly, his jaw tightening as he processed your words. âYouâre right. Iâve been holding back because I didnât want to make things worse, but⌠I guess thatâs only made things harder. Iâve missed you so much, and itâs been killing me not to tell you how much Iâve been struggling with this.â
Tears now spilled down your cheeks, and you wiped them away quickly with your sleeve. âIâve been struggling too. And I was scared to tell you because⌠what if it made you think I didnât believe in us anymore? I do, Chris. I love you so much. I just⌠I didnât know how to deal with all of this on my own.â
His expression softened, and he leaned closer to the camera, his voice gentle. âYou donât have to deal with it alone, okay? Weâre in this together. And if that means being brutally honest about how much this sucks sometimes, then thatâs what weâll do.â
You laughed softly through your tears, nodding. âDeal. And⌠maybe we can try to plan our visits better. I need to see you, Chris. I think thatâll help a lot.â you whispered, feeling yourself ease up a little at the thought of him here â with you.
His lips quirked into a small smile. âFunny you should say that⌠Iâve been looking at flights to Boston. I was going to surprise you, but⌠maybe we need this sooner rather than later. Iâll come next month. No excuses.â
âReally?â you asked, your heart swelling with hope.
âReally,â he said, his smile growing. âI need to hold you again. And Iâll do whatever it takes to make this work.â
A weight lifted from your chest, and you smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. âIâll hold you to that,â you teased, your voice lighter.
Chris chuckled, the sound warming your heart. âI love you. And no matter how hard this gets, Iâm not giving up on us. Ever.â
âI love you too,â you said softly. âAnd I promise⌠Iâll do everything I can to make this work too.â
It wasnât a perfect solution, but it was a start. The rest of the night felt lighter â the ache in your chest still present but less. You both were more cheerful â joking around about random things and teasing him about how his hair was too messy â along with his room.
You smiled at your screen, watching as Chris did the same. His hand coming up to his lips and blowing you a kiss through the screen â and you blushed.
Youâre just hoping that whatever was said tonightâŚwas going to stick.
Š strnilolover
#áŻâ
strnilolover#nnn#no nut november#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#christopher sturniolo x you#christopher sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo imagine#chris x reader#chris sturniolo angst#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo blurb#christopher sturniolo angst#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo triplets x reader#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo angst#sturniolo triplets angst#angst#hurt/comfort#happy ending#long distance relationship#relationship issues
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I see you're looking for prompts, so if you're still writing then how about:
Tommy comes over and accidentally interrupts Uncle Buck time.
Sorry it took so long! I hope you like it!
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"Ok Jee, these need to cool off while the other batch is in the oven." Buck told his niece, putting their freshly baked cookies onto a wire cooling rack. He grabbed her hand and moved it away when she tried to grab one. "No, no, these are hot. You'll burn yourself. It'll hurt. Ouchie."
The girl tucked her hands against her chest and warily eyed the rack.
"They'll be cool enough to eat in a little while." he promised her. "And we can make the chocolate chip ones while we wait for the snickerdoodles to cool off."
"With extra chips!" Jee announced happily.
"Sure. Why not. We can even make some more so you can take them home with you when mommy and daddy come pick you up." Buck suggested. "And maybe some banana bread too..." he mumbled more to himself than to Jee.
He flicked through the cookbook he'd bought so he wouldn't have to look up recipes on his phone (and he'd be less tempted to check his text thread with Tommy) to find the right page, while Jee pointed out all of the other things she wanted to make.
"And this!" Jee pointed at a picture of a cake that looked like something out of a professional bakery and way above his skill level.
It was perfect. A complicated recipe meant his brain had no time go over that last conversation with Tommy again to try and figure out how and where he'd screwed up so spectacularly.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Buck glanced at the clock on the oven, but it wasn't anywhere near the time he expected Maddie and Chim to be back.
He quickly wiped his hands on his apron, deposited Jee on the sofa with the cookbook and rushed to open the door.
He expected to maybe find one of his neighbours on the other side, or someone trying to convince him to donate to some charity.
"Tommy?"
The other man looked about as well as he felt. Dark circles under his eyes, hair a mess, and the same three day stubble that was currently on his own face.
"Hey... Uhm... I did text... And call... But you didn't reply."
"Oh uh... Yeah my uh phone is on silent..."
Tommy nodded, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket.
"C-can we talk?" Tommy stammered and Buck realised he was nervous. Cool and collected Tommy Kinard was nervous about talking to him.
Before Buck got the chance to answer, a loud beeping came from the kitchen and Jee excitedly ran up to the island.
"Uncle Buck! It's done!"
"Oh... Is this a bad time?"
"Uhm..." Buck desperately wanted to talk to Tommy, but at the same time he had to keep an eye on Jee and their baking adventures. "Just... Come on in. Close the door behind you." he rushed over to the kitchen to shut off the timer and check the cookies.
"I can just go... If I'm interrupting your time with your family..."
"No, it's fine. Stay. Please. We're baking. You can help." Buck said, almost pleading. "And when the sugar rush wears off and she's down for the count, we can talk."
"Ok." Tommy nodded and took off his jacket, hanging it on the hook by the door that had practically been his the past six months. Only this time there was no Air Ops uniform jacket next to it or a duffle on the floor.
"Jee, this is my friend Tommy, he's coming to help us." Buck announced as he took another batch of cookies out of the oven.
"Is that ok?" Tommy asked Jee, looking like he was afraid of her answer.
"We're making chocolate chip cookies." the girl told him like she was explaining the mysteries of the world. "With extra chips."
"Oh. Ok. Can I help with that?"
"Tommy is very good at baking." Buck told Jee. "Maybe he'll help us make that cake we found too."
"Sure. Just tell me what to do." Tommy said and Buck saw the exact moment the mask went on again. There was a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes and a fake cheery tone in his voice. "I'm happy to help where I can."
The three of them went to work and soon almost every available surface of the loft was covered in cooling cookies or ones ready to go into the oven.
Tommy had started to relax a little but there was still a tension to his shoulders Buck didn't like.
When he took the last batch of cookies out of the oven some time later, Jee was already out cold in the armchair and Tommy was sitting at the island with an almost perfect posture, like he was back in the army.
In the exact same place he'd sat when he'd broken both their hearts.
"So... That's the last of it." Buck wiped his hands on his apron before taking it off. "Maddie and Chim won't be back until 10... so we've got two hours."
Tommy nodded.
"Don't you want to clean up first? I can help." he offered but Buck shook his head and sat down too.
Somewhere in the back of his mind the irony of them being in the exact same place as when Tommy ended things between them did register, but he quickly pushed that thought away.
"No. Clean up can wait. I want answers." he looked Tommy in the eye. "I want to know why my boyfriend dumped me instead of telling me I was moving too fast and I freaked him out."
"I... I... I'm sorry." Tommy said eventually. "I did what I thought was best."
"For who? For me? For you? Because I haven't been doing so great these past few weeks."
"Neither have I..." Tommy admitted quietly.
"Then why did you do it? Why did you dump me?"
"I just... I'm not the last person kind of guy. People don't stay with me. I'm ok for a while... Until they get a better offer. I'm never anyone's mister right, only mister right now."
Buck frowned.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"That you're going to find someone you're going to want to settle down with and that someone is not me. And that... that hurts... but it's better to rip the band aid off now than 6 months or a year or maybe even longer if I'm lucky down the line. "
"What makes you so sure I'm going to meet someone else?"
Tommy gave him a sad smile.
"Because that's the way it always goes. It's fun for a while and then you meet the person you're meant to be with."
"What makes you think I haven't already met him?"
"Evan..."
"Don't Evan me." he took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts. He wanted to get this right. Make Tommy see he was serious. "I miss you." he started "You said you couldn't be my first and my last but I think you can. I want you to be. Ever since that first time you kissed me, I've felt more free and alive and... complete... than I ever have."
"Evan..." Tommy started again but Buck held up a hand to stop him.
"Just... let me get this out." he paused for a second "I'm a grown man, Tommy. I'm not some teenager with a crush who doesn't know what he wants. I've slept around plenty over the years... But I stopped doing that because it didn't make me happy. I wanted someone to come home to. Someone I could introduce to my friends and family. Someone who would listen to me talk about my day and tell me about theirs. Someone I could just be myself with. Who wouldn't get annoyed about my internet deep dives or if I had to cancel date night because I was too tired after a shift. "
"And you deserve that... And... And I hope you find that person."
"I already have." he grabbed Tommy's hands. "It's you. You know most of my friends and family, you've even already met my parents." he grinned, thinking back to Maddie and Chim's wedding day in the hospital. "You know the job, you even used to work at the same firehouse."
"That doesn't mean I'm good for you. Or good enough."
"Can I be the one to decide that?"
"I... I... what? I... of course... but..."
"Everyone keeps making decisions for me. Including you."
"I'm sorry..."
"No." Buck shook his head "I should stand up for myself more. Go after what I want."
"And what is it you want?" Tommy asked, trying not to get his hopes up.
"You." Buck said simply and leaned forward to kiss him, happy when Tommy didn't pull away or try to stop him. "I want you. All of you."
"I want that too but..."
"No buts. Whatever problem you think there is... we can work it out. I think what we have is worth fighting for, don't you?"
"I... Yes... Yeah it is..."
"But?"
"I'm kind of terrified." Tommy admitted. "I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've never been in a relationship where I fell so hard so fast... And that scared the hell out of me."
"That's ok. I can be brave for the both of us for now." Buck told him and kissed him again, just because he could. "But promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Next time I move too fast or say something dumb that makes you freak out... talk to me instead of running away?"
Tommy took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.
"Ok. I promise."
---
Send me a prompt and I'll write you a ficlet!
(if you've sent me one recently - I have seen it and it's most likely saved in my drafts, partially written, because I keep getting distracted - but I will finish it sooner or later!)
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don't mind me, below the cut is just me trying to somehow verbalise how much i love mesto duhov on a molecular and also astral levels and also trying my best to not actually cry about it.
i'm going to start with a weird tangent but.
back in the early days of covid i talked with a friend of mine how the panic around us made us, as deeply anxious people, feel more balanced somehow. she was in france, i was in finland, but the experience was the same: the anxiety in the world suddenly matched the anxiety inside us. it was somehow a new exeprience, to feel at balance, even if the reason for it was not so good.
but this, this song, is a good reason to feel at balance, and good god, that's exactly what this song does to me. i don't know how they made a song that matches something in my soul, but they did. and the reason why i started off with a weird covid tangent is because there is incredible pain in this song that matches something in the feeling of being alive to me. and to have it turned into music and played back to me is a moment of balance unlike any other, because suddenly feeling the things you feel don't make you so unbelievably lonely anymore.
there are other songs in the world that sound and feel like they vibrate in the exact same frequency as my soul, but i haven't discovered a new one in years. but mesto duhov is exactly that.
i don't usually go into joker out lyrics because i don't speak slovene or serbian, and so i leave analysing them to those who do. but this time i just want to say, that i looked up translations and not only does the music vibrate on the frequency of my soul, the lyrics are exactly what i've been feeling, what i've been witnessing, and what i've been working with for a while now. i don't want to go too much into my personal life on tumblr dot com, but the disappearance of imagination, of life, of joy, of things worth living for, are something that i've been working with on every level of my life this year, both on a personal and professional level.
this song is just this exact moment in my life right now. this is it. and it feels so oddly calming to me. because it feels like someone else sees it too.
and it's strange because once again, they have written a song that feels like i've heard it before, but i haven't. i'd know if i had ever heard anything like it, but i haven't. of course i hear the influences, but they feel irrelevant to me with this one. it's like there are moments in the song that almost take me back to like idk 2010 or something, but the nostalgia never gets a hold of me, it doesn't stick. it's almost nostalgic but it isn't, because this is now. it just feels like, when the song comes on, it's just....right. yes, that's the one, that's the song, that's the feeling, this is right.
the contrast between the agony of the verses and the resigned serenity of the pa pa pa pa paa... it's balance, it's right, it's real. it's also brilliant composing and songwriting. this song is so interesting, so captivating, so memorable. it goes from one feeling to another in a way that is striking but makes sense.Â
they introduce the intesity of the verses straight off the bat, and then the quieting down and subsequent sudden stop with "pod nogami se trese /Â zapihal je veter, da vse nas odnese" is actually something quite familiar from rock music - you know to expect something different for the chorus. but you do not know to expect what actually happens, like it's a different song suddenly. and then they build back up to the intensity of the verses with great skill and attention to details and vibes.
the melody in "mimo mene lebdijo sami Ĺžalostni ljudje / nazaj v nostalgijo vÄerajĹĄnjega dne" has to be one of the most beautiful melodies i've heard. something about it feels very familiar, very home-like, just again, very right. but it also makes me instantly emotional, even before i ever read a translation for the lyrics. just the melody alone. and bojan's vocal performance, which is absolutely top tier through the entire song. his ability to convey emotion really comes through with this one, and i'm in awe of him for it.
the instrumentation in the song is just brilliant. the pa pa pa pa pa section is made up of sounds that bring childrens music into mind, it's full of whimsical and fun sounds, that in this context feel incredibly bittersweet and quite sad. the different guitar sounds and effects in the song, for example the sound that opens the song vs. the solo sound, bring amazing versatility and depth to the straight forward intensity of the verses. the drums portray the frustration and pent-up energy caused by the themes. the bass sound almost cocoons all of it into one and almost makes this song a physical place to exist in.
it's all brilliance from beginning to end. except once again, i wish the song went on much longer, and i miss it as soon as it begins to fade.
and i'm usually not one to loop songs. but this one i'd easliy loop all day, all week, all month, all year, my whole life, because somehow this song makes it easier to be, to breathe, to exist and to make peace with existing.Â
needless to say it's my favourite track on the album, my song of the year, and quite possibly one of my favourite songs of all time ever.
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He recognized this - this magnetic tug that pulled him closer to her. It was the exact same one heâd felt on a sandy shore a few months earlier, leading him to an evening â a week, a life â of doing things he had never dreamed of, of being someone heâd never dreamed of, all to snare the interest of a stranger with sunset locks and mischief in her eyes.
It was the same one that had led him to Nami the first time â and here he was again despite everything that had happened, more steps ahead of himself than he could even count, yet still powerless to resist that need to be near her. He didnât even know if Nami wanted him here: why should she? They hadnât established what her return meant for the two of them; Law didnât even know which bed she meant to sleep in tonight.
And yet for all of that and every imaginary argument conjured in his head â over doors being left unlocked and what they meant or didnât mean, the surgeon didnât stop. Didnât let himself consider what he was doing until he stood before her â did not allow himself to let eyes follow the flush of crimson that brushed across her cheeks and trailed lower beyond Lawâs line of vision â as much as he wanted to.
He couldnât stop, because if let himself be distracted now, the opportunity would slip away from him â and for just a moment, meeting the redheadâs eyes as Nami turned her body toward him, he could let himself think sheâd understand why he needed to do it. That even if she didnât want this â didnât want him here standing before her, intruding on her space without invitation â he wouldnât run her off her again.
âIâm sorry,â he offered once heâd come to a stop before her. âI know I should have knocked, but I needed toâŚâ Lawâs voice trailed off, a frown forming between his dark eyebrows. But heâd had to do it before he talked himself out of it. Heâd pictured that unlikely reunion so many time in Namiâs absence â promised himself if the chance ever presented itself, he would take it.
But what if she didnât want it?
Taking a breath to steel himself, Law reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind the womanâs ear. Letting his hand linger tentatively against flushed skin, he stroked a thumb across Namiâs cheekbone, gauging her reaction carefully as he leaned in until his lips hovered inches away from hers.
âTry not to be too mad at me, alright? I had a long time to think about what it would look like if you ever came back to me, but I never expected �� wellâŚâ Eyes flickered down for the briefest of moments, but a slight curve of the surgeonâs lip accompanied by the shrug of a shoulder confirmed he was teasing. Upset not by the unexpected curve ball, only by the wrench sheâd thrown in his imaginary encounter. Then his gaze grew focused once more and his hand slid to the side of Namiâs neck, thumb continuing its idle ministrations along the curve of Namiâs jawline. Gaze returning to the gingerâs, Law dipped his head until the tips of their noses brushed against each other. Â
âWelcome home, Nami,â he whispered before pressing his lips to hers. Â
#climatact#⌠â đ˘đ. | threads.#⌠â đŻđđŤđŹđ. | the light that guides you home.#the light that guides you home || unexpected arrivals#tw: pregnancy#(too sleepy to format zzz)#(or proofread. RIP.)
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#is this how people are supposed to actually rant on Tumblr#Aboht personal stuff?#idk#Anyways I am so fucking sick of living in a capitalistic hellscape#I have to toe the line between making little enough money to still qualify for Medicaid so I can get all the care I need#And enough to be able to function make ends meet#And it's so fucking tiring#I've wanted to get my septum pierced for MONTHS#There is a place around here that will for 15 dollars and I haven't been in a place where I felt like in good consciousness I could spare it#bc every month I just spend money on gas food and bills!#and it's so fucking tiring I hate this shit#I'm so tired of dealing with chronic fatigue every single day and having entire days where all I can do is sleep#Then go back to work!#just to come home again and do the exact same thing#like wtf am I even living for#I have dear friends and a partner I love so much and they mean the world to me#But like idk#I feel like a waste of space and time and energy#I just want to stop existing so bad
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there's a very specific kind of vibe that comes with living with your friends in final year that it just does not have in first year or even second year. like as a fresher it's usually the first time any of you have lived away from home let alone with SO MANY people your age and it's terrifying and exciting and randomised to boot so it's generally carnage for a whole year in the best and worst ways, and then second year you pick who you're living with and it feels like for the first time you're doing this adult thing PROPERLY. you have a place of your own now. these are the people you've chosen to live with. studying gets serious etc. but it's still fresh. it's still new. you still don't know how to navigate it. but final year? final year is when you actually get it right. you know how to manage your time better. you know what works for you and what doesn't. studying is the main focus and you've been out in the world for three years now and it's not loud and boisterous like it was in first year and you're not exciteable and awkward like you were in second year. you're comfortable. every single one of my flatmates has their own friend group and we mainly keep to our own social circles, but we'll still meet each other back at the house after a night out and sit in the kitchen or my room to do the debrief. sometimes i'll go days not seeing either of them despite sharing a house but every now and then someone will softly call up the stairs that 'the heating's on!' or one of us will sneeze and the other two will yell 'bless you!' through the walls. the lack of interaction isn't interpreted as dislike in ways it would have been even last year, because we're all just old enough to be past that now and settled enough in our friendship not to worry about it. idk. uni is very loud and unsettling a lot of the time so it's been really sweet to see how almost boringly comfortable final year is.
#like my day today was literally drag myself out of bed at 10am to meet my econ friends bc we're in a group together#and i spent two hours with them writing a fucking TRADE REPORT before coming home#and the rest of the day was kinda lost. i showered. i put a wash on. i had a nap. i mainly stayed in my room#which sometimes is the End Of All Things but today was quite nice#and i can hear in their rooms how my flatmates are doing the exact same thing. pottering about and getting on with uni#and we've barely spoken all day but earlier my one flatmate ran into my room all excited to show me her nails#bc she's been teaching herself to do gels and it took her 2 hours but im still one of the first people she wanted to show#and just now we all went to use the bathroom at the same time and it led to one of our Stair Sessions#where we all inexplicably just gather on the stairs and chat for no reason with a cup of tea#idk it's just nice. it's such basic shit but i can't belive in first year i used to spend EVERY DAY with these girls#and we were one single friendship group and that was all we had#and then in second year one girl branched off bc she lived in a studio and got into her societies#but me and the other girl lived together again and it was the same thing of she was a friend before she was someone i lived with#and weirdly that can actually be detrimental to a dynamic. but this year we're all just very solidified and confident in ourselves#and where we stand and yes we all have our own friendship groups outside of the house now#but there's still that love and simple comfortableness around each other that you only get with time and a hell of a lot of proximity#and a sense of being settled that maybe is just what happens as you get older#idk it's just really nice. if i had this exact same day in first year (doing economics and barely leaving my room)#it would've been a really bad depressive day for me so the fact i can find such contentment from it now is really heartening#i love my little life here im very proud of what ive been able to achieve :)#hella goes to uni#feeling nostalgic because SOME BITCH decided to ribs post
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my tummy hurts... and i don't wanna be brave about it anymore... ;;
#i think its purely from stress now#i want to quit my job. and i feel like i have to now#there's too much risk of re-injuring my back from having to lift and move heavy stuff for people#plus i already have thought about quitting before. but kept with it for other reasons#and. i was almost terminated recently. but it was absolute bullshit so i got a 'second chance'#im glad i did bc i got some sweet stuff right after that lol#but like. i can't do this anymore. its not healthy for me mentally or physically now#im mostly just. done with it. i've been doing this for 3.5 years. the exact same thing#i need something new. i need time to relax#i have realized that. i don't think i have had a moment of actual peace. in Years.#or like. ever djdgdjd#i have always been stressed out about something or other since moving out. since coming back home#and living w my parents again. back in college. back in high school. like All The Time#i truly do feel sick to my stomach rn... i just don't want to do this anymore. period. im sick of it#vent
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lol the absolutely MORTIFYINGGGG ordeal of the situation i just got myself into. god
#purrs#delete later#bc it feels stupid / immature to immediately turn around and explain the situation in detail on tumblr after sending the email i just sent b#but basically. sigh. i went to the thing this morning and the student i went to support did AMAZING but / and her whole story was abt like.#finding her independent self and claiming it despite her family suppressing her which is.. extremely similar to my story. and i made a#social media post abt it on our work account and put one of her quotes abt experiencing freedom in the description and she just emailed me a#askkng me to remove the quote from the post bc sheâs scared her parents will see it and get upset / angry. and i removed it immediately snd#itâs fine now but i feel HORRIBLE. i shouldâve checked with her first. and i knew better like it actually did occur to me that that would be#a potential issue but i did it anyway and like⌠it especially is shitty of me bc i literally have the exact same situation going on at home#i know what itâs like to be one person everywhere but your house and to always fear what your parents are seeing you say about them and itâs#like if i know that experience so intimately and know the consequences that come from them⌠why did i do that. ugh#again itâs fine it sounds like no harm was done she just was worried there would be but i feel so so bad. she doesnât know how similar our#stories are but i think she will and ughhhh that makes it even worse. :~//////
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is it normal for your boss to ask why you're requesting a day off because i've never had to justify it at my previous jobs and it makes me feel gross that he even feels as though that is an appropriate question to ask
#not just as my employer but to ask a woman who is almost 40 years younger than you personal questions...#it is not the first time and the thing is my other boss never asks me why i'm taking a day off and keeps a respectable distance#but this one pries into my life and tries to develop a relationship beyond work#he has made inappropriate comments in the past such as asking if a certain man was my type and something worse i won't divulge here#he even will go as far as trying to park his car next to mine when he comes into work - and mind you we have a huge parking#it's so weird. the other day i was waiting in my car cause i was 10 minutes early and he did the exact same thing#like waited for me to get out so he could get out and walk up to the floor of the office together.......#bro you're the one who has the key to the door. why are you waiting for ME#he'll even purposely exit work at the same time as me and practically watch me drive away#i honestly could go on and on about things he does that make me uncomfortable#there aren't many employees in this building and most work from home or other locations so i'm very alone in here#sometimes i feel bad complaining because this job is the easiest one i've ever had but other times i feel exploited in ways beyond workload#it's not like he does this every day but it's enough to be uncomfortable without crossing any lines so what can i do really#i just don't wanna keep belittling the things people do to me and pass them off as okay when they're not#because i clearly feel it in my body and i don't deserve to let myself ignore that. and i'm tired of being in a bad mood all the time#i've started applying to other jobs again even though i hate that i hate changing jobs i hate starting new somewhere#but it's what i have to do and at least this time i've gathered enough experience to be selective in where i apply#it has to be way better and more convenient and a higher salary. for me to leave it has to be worth it.#**
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simon got himself a young girlfriend. he really shouldn't be entertaining, ruining, a sweet thing like her but he can't help himself. he's depraved like that. wanting to ruin such a sweet, innocent thing. make it so they only think of him...
her parents loathe him. which is not a surprising reaction.
but simon's too big, too imposing, to make them say anything to his face, and oh, his sweet little thing has teeth that snap at her parents when they try to talk about how he's too old. too rough. he won't treat her right.
they're right, of course. but he's good at making his little girlfriend forget about his wrongdoing just by a little sweet whispering and gently coaxing her thighs apart with a rough, scared hand.
however, what he wasn't expecting was finding out about his young girlfriends older sister.
you.
there's an age gap between you and your sister. you're nearly the same age as simon. but that's not the only thing simon takes note off.
you're more fulled out, in places that simon has no business looking at, the innocent ones and the not so innocent ones. there's a couple more inches on you than your sister. not nearly as tall as he, but he thinks he likes it.
but what really gets him goin'. you don't react the same way to him like your parents did. there was no disdain, disgust or even fear in your eyes when you looked at him.
no.
instead he got a wide smile, a hair-flick over your shoulder and a hug. pulling him in, despite his rigid tenseness. patting his back.
"oh aren't you sweet?" your voice is smooth, and almost coo like when you pull away. eyes sparkling with what simon can only describe is warmth.
and while your parents avoid him when he's around. when you're home, you do the exact opposite. you hover around your sister, making sure she's eating well, looking after herself, and then you do the exact same thing to simon.
showering him in the same doting affection as your sister. making them both a plate of food, a lot of food. making sure they're warm and tucked in at night. it's giving them your card when you send your sister to the shops for something, and quieting simon when he says he has his own. doing your sisters laundry AND his.
and the praise. god the praise. it fucking wrecks him. despite most of it being innocent.
he's helping do the dishes when you come in. "oh aren't you being a good boy?" you chime, voice so warm and sweet. you pat his back, and there's a genuine smile on your face. "i'll make you a cuppa for doing so well."
"you ate all your food? aren't you a good lad? huh? c'mon then, make room for dessert for being good." you'll say, patting his stomach and moving to the fridge.
it sends him into a whirlwind.
he could be spending days with his girlfriend's parents, who act like he's not even there. too intimated by this grown man. which he liked. he likes that. imposing people. making them uncomfortable with his mere presence. it's what his little girlfriend likes.
but then you come in. being all nurturing and sweet. coddling his little girlfriend and then doing the same to him despite you and him nearly being the same age.
then he starts to realize that you're treating him like how you treat your younger sister. treating him like he's young and naive. who can't look after himself. completely helpless. praising him for the basics a human adult should not be getting praised for. treating him like a child.
you've been fucking treating him like some fresh out the womb kid this whole fucking time and he's only seeing it now.
and he really can't help it.
but he fucking likes it.
he aches for it.
in the barracks. late at night. instead of flicking through the pictures of his little girlfriend to help quell the ache in him.
he thinks about you. your warm perfume. the reassuring pats. the way praise seems to just smooth off your tongue so sweetly.
"good boy." fuck.
he stares at the mess he made, panting hard. letting out a groan of frustration when he thinks of you again. and for the third time his cock twitches, the ache returning again.
that's when he comes to the inevitable conclusion.
he's fucking ruined.
a/n: idk where i was going with this but. here u go xx love ya'll, drink water xx part 2 maybe idk.
#boowrites#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#cod mwii imagines#x reader#cod mwii#cod#simon ghost riley x oldersister!reader#??
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this essentially is a description of a concentration camp complete with testimony from concentration camp guards whos perspectives range from 'occasionally sympathetic to the people theyre overseeing the torture of' to the exact type of matter-of-fact indifference you will be very familiar with if you've read the interviews of nazis. quotes below from multiple people interviewed
"The thing is that when I was there, it all somehow looked normal to me, because there are excuses [for sending them to the camp's hospital], and the medical work takes place in a normal, familiar space. But in the end, what's happening there is total dehumanization. You don't really relate to them as if they're real human beings. It's easy to forget that when they don't move and you don't have to talk to them. You just have to check off that some medical procedure was done, and along the way you remove the whole human dimension of medicine." [...] "When you come to the camp, the first thing that hits you is the smell. The place really stinks, in an extreme way. When there's a little wind, maybe it's possible to shift your position a little so you can avoid [the smell]. But nearby it was intolerable." What does it smell like? "Like the smell of dozens of people who have been sitting in close quarters for more than a month in the same clothes and in insane heat. They let them shower for a few minutes around twice a week, but I don't remember ever seeing that they gave them a change of clothes, in any case not on my shifts." [...] "I came there with the mindset of a soldier. Let us do our time, without asking anything, and then go home. But two incidents happened in the wake of which I couldn't continue there any longer. The first was in one of the pens. Guys came from the escort force, who in my opinion were military police reservists. They came in like big shots, with ski masks, and led three or four detainees out. They made them walk bent over, handcuffed and with flannelette on their faces. Each of them held the shirt of the person in front of him. And then suddenly I saw one of the police officers, right at the entrance to the pen, take the head of the first detainee and 'boom,' smash him with force into some iron part of the door. And then he smashed him again and said 'Yalla.' The moment I saw that I went into total shock. It was simply right opposite me⌠suddenly I saw someone with the thought going through his head that, 'Fine, this is not a human being. I can simply bash his head against the door. Just because I feel like it.' The nonchalant way he did it stunned me. He didn't look angry or full of hatred, he even laughed at it." [...] "The detainee's story [mentioned earlier in interview], and the fact that he started to cry in the end [made it dramatic.] It was a very human and surprising display after all the preparation and the things they tell you there. They keep pumping it into your brain that you have to disconnect. That they're not people. That they're not human beings." Who said things like that? "The guys, the company commander, the officers, everyone. You know, there was a female officer who gave us a briefing on the day we arrived. She said, 'It will be hard for you. You'll want to pity them, but it's forbidden. Remember that they aren't people. From your point of view, they are not human beings. The best thing is to remember who they are and what they did in October.'
read the entire article. this is a fascist mentality identical to the third reich
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Juno (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- one shot
Hello again! This goes from zero to 100 in two seconds flat don't @ me!! Sabrina's new album came out and reawakened something in me (everyone say thank you Sabrina) (also this is not beta'd I wrote this in a short n' sweet haze)
Summary: Aaron is working from home but what paperwork he needs to do is the absolute last thing on your mind.
Warnings: smut! 18+ only! this is so filthy! in no particular order: multiple orgasms, cockwarming, choking, brat tendencies, stoplight system, unprotected sex, breeding kink (briefly), face fucking, overstimulation
WC: like 3,400 I lost my damn mind clearly
Youâre not sure whatâs gotten into you. Blame it on period hormones (probably) or the fact that Aaron looks absolutely delicious right now in his tight black t-shirt (most likely), but youâre going to go insane if either of you have clothes on for another five minutes.Â
The problem is, Aaron is trying to focus. Itâs one of his days where he works from home, an idea you gave him when you realized how easy it would be for him to do the same paperwork just from the comfort of your living room. It was a brilliant idea at first. You got to see him more, and were able to do your own thing around the house while he did his work. You got to have lunch together, and offer a genuine mental break in between his mountain of paperwork.Â
Now, though, you canât find it in you to give a single fuck about whatever needs to be signed, who needs to clear what, and what phone calls he still needs to make.Â
âHoney,â you call sweetly from the kitchen. You watch him from over the island, your thoughts going all sorts of ways -- namely, deep into the gutter. âWant to break for lunch?â
You see Aaron shake his head, still typing furiously on his laptop. âItâs not even noon yet.â
âBrunch?â you try again, walking out of the kitchen. You lean against the doorframe, crossing your arms over your chest in the way you know he loves because of the view it gives him of your cleavage. And youâre wearing a v-neck shirt today for that exact reason, too.
Aaron still doesnât look up. âIâm sorry honey, maybe in an hour?â
You let out a huff that you know he hears because he finally looks up, eyebrows raised just so. Itâs a look that you love. Curious, veering toward that playful annoyance that you canât seem to go a few hours without his undivided attention.Â
Which, you can, by the way. Youâre more than capable. Itâs just that right now, itâs a crime that his eyes have been looking at paperwork when they should be looking at you.
âAre you okay?â he asks, and thereâs some hesitation in his voice. You know heâs assuming the worst. That youâre not okay mentally, and thatâs why you need him to take his lunch break now or maybe for the rest of the day. Heâs done it before on your darker days.
But youâre okay. Youâre perfectly fine. Youâd just be even better if he put the damn laptop away and put his fingers to use somewhere else.
Which is exactly why you come to a stop in front of him and reach forward, tilting his screen down and down until it closes. He lets you.
He lets you take his laptop and put it on the table beside the couch. He watches you, his fiery brown eyes taking in every second. He lets you straddle his hips, your arms circling his neck.
âI see now,â he smirks, his hands finding their rightful place on your waist and squeezing lovingly. âBy âlunch breakâ you meanâŚâ
âPut a baby in me,â you blurt, rocking your hips against his.
He stills, his hands making you stop your movements, too. His eyes are darker now in a way you havenât seen in a while. âWhat?â
âPlease,â you say, leaning your forehead down onto his, trying to move your hips again. âNeed you.â
âHoney, we canât have--â
âYes I know the semantics, Aaron,â you mutter, now annoyed and lifting your head to glare at him. He has a vasectomy, you get that. âI mean fuck me like youâre putting a baby in me.â
His hands squeeze again. âI see.â
You frown. âDonât tease me.â
âIâm not,â he smirks, one hand leaving your waist to stroke your cheek. âYouâre adorable when youâre horny.â
You roll your eyes, peeling yourself off his lap. He lets you go, albeit with a curious look. You turn and head for the bedroom.
âWhere are you going?â he calls out after you, still with that damn smirk lacing his words.
âTo get myself off,â you reply in a deadpan. âSince someone--â
You donât have a chance to finish your sentence before Aaron is right behind you, hands on your hips, spinning you around to face him. That look full of fire is back again, stern this time.
âDid I say you could do that?â he says in a low tone.
âDid I ask?â you retort, backing out of his grasp and darting into the bedroom.Â
Now thereâs a smirk on your lips. Itâs quickly approaching shit-eating grin territory, which you know will only egg Aaron on further. This little game of cat and mouse happens to be your favorite, and he knows it.
Youâre barely two steps into the bedroom when Aaron is attached to your back yet again, this time wrapping his arms around your waist, locking you in.
âColor?â he whispers, his lips right at your ear, sending shivers straight down your spine.
You groan. âGreen. Neon green. So green, I need you to--â
He spins you again, this time backing you into the wall and attacking your lips. Finally, you think, though you know youâre in for it now. The thought has a grin crawling up your lips, and youâre unable to stop it.
âWhatâs so funny, hm?â he scolds, moving his lips to your neck instead, to the exact spot he knows makes you weak in the knees. Like clockwork, he has to wrap an arm around your waist to keep you upright, your knees buckling when he bites down just so.
âNothing,â you manage through a moan, tipping your head back onto the wall. âShit.â
âYouâre ridiculous sometimes, you know,â he says, but heâs smiling against your skin. âCanât let me focus on work because you need me to fuck you.â
âIn my defense,â you try, your hands scrambling for his shoulders, for something to ground you. âYou didnât fuck me this morning.â
âI fucked you last night,â he reminds you, as if you needed the reminder. Itâs the reason you slept so soundly. âWas that not enough?â
You canât help it; you laugh.Â
He lifts his head, raising an eyebrow at you. The same question as before on his lips.
âSorry, I thought you were joking,â you say.Â
âYouâre insatiable.âÂ
âGuilty,â you grin, grabbing his face and pulling him back in for another kiss.
You make out against the wall for too long like two teenagers behind the bleachers at school. You hook one leg around his hips, pulling him in and grinding against his obvious erection. Itâs enough to have him groaning into your mouth, pressing you against the wall with renowned vigor.Â
You can feel how wet youâre becoming and fuck, neither of you have even taken a single article of clothing off yet.
Aaron notices, one hand traveling south without you paying attention, too busy relishing the way he licks into your mouth, stealing your every breath. The kissing becomes increasingly sloppy when he works his hand into your leggings, under the waistband of your underwear, and into you.
âOh my god,â your back arches against the wall, pushing his fingers deeper. He doesnât bother with one, starting right away with two, curling them when you grind harder.
âYouâre soaking my hand,â he practically growls into the next kiss, adding a third finger after only a few thrusts. Your body accepts it willingly, always ready for him. âJesus.â
âMore,â you gasp, pushing him deeper. âAaron, more, Iâm serious--â Your words break off as he scissors his fingers, making your eyes roll back instantly.
âI can feel you already,â he smirks against your cheek, pressing a kiss there, an action so sweet and gentle compared to what the rest of him is doing. âCome on, honey. Youâre cumming as many times as you want.â
That makes you inch closer to the edge at a frightening speed. He says you can cum as many times as you want, but what he means is heâs going to force as many orgasms out of you as he can. Until you tell him to stop or he decides you need a break.Â
The thought of being an overstimulated mess in his embrace later has you climaxing against his fingers, your head falling onto his shoulder as his movements never cease, milking every last wave out of you.Â
You lift your head in search of his lips again, which he willingly gives to you, his fingers slowing to soothing strokes as you whimper into his mouth. Youâve only had one orgasm and you already feel ruined. He can tell the way you tremble against him, so he checks in once more.
âGreen?â he whispers, kissing your forehead.
You nod. âGreen. You?â
He smirks. âAbsolutely.â
He picks you up into his arms, inelegantly tossing you onto the bed behind you. You giggle as you bounce on the mattress, tugging your shirt over your head as he does the same to his. His hands move for his belt and you practically jump to the end of the bed, swatting his hands away.
âSince when is that your job?â you frown up at him, unbuckling his belt without looking.
He laughs, petting your head gently. âSo sorry, youâre right.â
âWhat was that?â you tease. âI donât think I heard you.â
âDonât push it.â
âI have no idea what you mean,â you smirk, pulling his belt out of the loops and tossing it somewhere. You donât wait for him to reply before you unbutton his jeans, yanking them down with his boxers.
Thereâs just something about his dick. You hate that you love it, or maybe you donât hate it at all. All you know is you need it in your mouth right now.
So, you do that, without any warning. Aaron thrusts forward into your mouth on pure instinct, not expecting you to wrap your lips around him so soon. You slide down the edge of the bed onto your knees, pulling him back to you by his thighs.Â
You take your time, pushing his jeans and boxers down further. When you pull back for air, he steps out of them and kicks them elsewhere, returning to you quickly, knowing better than to keep you waiting.Â
You swallow him down again, moaning around him in the way you know he loves. It takes all of two seconds before he gently holds the back of your head, asking silently for permission that you were already about to grant. You look up at him, batting your eyelashes as you squeeze his thigh twice. Go ahead.
The thing about Aaron fucking your face is that it took a while for him to do it as hard as you really wanted. Heâs always so gentle, a quality that drew you to him initially. You love how gentle he can be. But you love it equally as much when he is rougher with you.
Like now, when he has you pinned against the bed, one hand on the back of your head as he fucks into your throat. Itâs blissful, quite frankly, the way he feels, and you thank the universe every time for your lack of a gag reflex.Â
He holds you there with a deep groan, and you feel him twitch in your throat once before he pulls you off entirely. You frown up at him, once again not getting what you wanted, but he doesnât have any time for that.
He picks you up by your armpits, hauling you back onto the bed. Your leggings and underwear are gone in a single second, along with your bra. Heâs crawling up your body and crowding your space before you have a second to protest that he wasnât down your throat for near as long as you wanted him to be.Â
All frustrations leave your mind the second he pushes inside of you, immediately sliding home, his hips flush against yours.Â
Itâs a feeling youâve grown to love, the way he hits you so deep. Another thing it took him a while to be comfortable doing.
Heâs not average sized by any means, and youâre the first to admit it made you salivate the first time you saw. The first time he fed himself into you and worried that he was hurting you, meanwhile you were clawing his back because you wanted more. It hurt for a moment, only an uncomfortable pressure because he was bigger than your vibrator, but as soon as you were used to the size of him, you wanted all of him.
He stays there, deep in you without moving for a moment, grinding against you. His lips attack yours again before he pauses to lean his forehead on yours, trying to catch his breath.
âYou drive me crazy,â he says on a shaky exhale.
You wrap your legs around him, thrusting your hips up to take him a little more. His hips stutter, pushing in the way you wanted him to, the way you know you can make him do involuntarily.
âFuck,â he bites out, turning his attention to your neck again.
You thread your fingers through his hair, tugging. âExactly. So why arenât you moving?â
He nips at your neck. âBecause if I move, I will cum right away.â
âWho said I only want you to cum inside me once?â
He groans again, fingers digging into your hips as you circle them, though he doesnât try to stop you. âGreedyâ is all he says, but he finally moves.
The thrusts are slow at first, Aaron clearly trying to pace himself. You canât say youâre doing the same, already chasing your second high as he slams his hips into yours. Your hand reaches down to rub your clit, but is promptly smacked away by Aaronâs hand as he glares at you.
âSince when is that your job?â he echoes you from earlier, only this time, thereâs more heat to it. He grabs both of your wrists, pinning them above your head to stop any other temptation. âNot this time.â
His thrusts pick up speed and depth, his body moving against yours in the exact way that makes you fall apart. Itâs not often that he doesnât let you cum from added clit stimulation -- not that you canât without it; it just makes the high feel that much better -- but sometimes he does. Itâs an ego trip for him as much as it is for you.
It also adds an unpredictable nature to it, which is why your second orgasm takes you by such surprise. You seize against him, your hands doing all sorts of squirming to try to break free of his grasp, but he doesnât let you, and he doesnât let up. You donât realize why until you feel the warmth spreading into you as he reaches his own peak.Â
Youâve clearly worked him up as much as you worked yourself up because his thrusts barely slow down, and he doesnât soften inside of you.Â
Instead, he pulls out only to flip you on your side, sliding in behind you and pulling your leg up and back over his hips. The action causes some of his cum to spill out of you, but you donât have any time to focus on that before he fucks back into you.Â
Youâve ceased to have any coherent thoughts as Aaron whispers dirty nothings into your ear, one arm wrapped around your body to keep you pinned against him. The pleasure doesnât stop and at one point, you question if your second orgasm stopped at all or if it has continued this entire time.
Aaron reaches underneath the pillow where he knows heâll find one of your vibrators because he heard you using it this morning. No, he didnât fuck you this morning, but you fucked yourself, and truly, at 8am, he shouldâve known youâd end up like this by eleven.Â
Your mind doesnât register what the sound means until the vibrator is pressed against your clit. Your body jerks, scrambling for some grounding, your hands finding it in wrapping them around his arm.Â
He switches hands on the vibrator, so one hand is free to wrap around your throat. Your eyes roll back as soon as you feel the gentle pressure, your body practically going limp against him.Â
âCome on, sweetheart,â he murmurs directly into your ear, his thrusts slowing to deep strokes. âYouâve got a couple more in you.â
âA couple?â is all you manage to say, your hand squeezing his wrist so he knows to squeeze your throat a little more.
âMhm,â his voice rumbles in your ear, sending goosebumps all over your body. âIs it too much?â His question is laced with just the right amount of pity that makes you shake your head against him. âI thought so,â he replies, switching the vibrator to a higher setting.
It sends you into your third orgasm instantly, squirming violently against him as he pushes into you deeper. He knows how much you love that, and loves how much you squeeze around him as he slides inside, fighting against your muscles that threaten to force him out. Youâve done it before, a mesmerized look on his face and yours when you both realized what happened. Since then, you told him you liked it more when he fought to stay inside.Â
He takes the vibrator away as you calm down, his hips also pausing, keeping himself deep inside you. The pressure is soothing, and you take a moment to take a deep breath. His palm falls away from your throat, instead propping underneath your cheek.
It takes a few seconds before you feel yourself spasming around him. He chuckles against your back, pressing a kiss to your neck. âStill?â
You nod dumbly, rocking your hips again. âYeah. I donât know, I just-- Need more.â
âIâve got you,â he soothes, pulling out again to roll you onto your stomach instead, one of your favorite positions.
Youâre floating as you settle into the pillows, letting Aaron manhandle you wherever you need to be. You groan in your happy, blissed out state as he slides home again, draping himself over your back.
He is gentler now, knowing thatâs exactly what you need at this point. The last orgasm he pulls from you is just as gentle, and he pushes deeper into you, letting you ride it out.Â
He pulls your hips up and thrusts once, twice before heâs spilling into you. You didnât realize he was that close again. The warmth is soothing this time as it spreads through you.Â
Aaron leaves you only to settle behind you, spooning you once again. Your hand reaches behind you to find him, and he catches your wrist.Â
âYou need to rest,â he chides softly.
âI know,â you whimper. âNeed you inside me.â
âOkay, okay,â he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your neck as he slides in again, still half-hard, but itâs enough. You settle down as soon as the weight of him is tucked inside you again. âBetter?â
âMhm,â you sleepily nod, pushing back into him so he holds you tighter. âDo you have to go back to work?â
He chuckles against you, sighing. âNo, Iâm done for the day, I think,â he says. âIâll tell them you werenât feeling well.â
That makes you laugh. âWe need a better excuse.â
âOr I need to go back to working in the office.â
You roll your eyes. âLike thatâll make a difference.â
He shakes his head, his mind remembering the same memories that you are. The many lunch hours when you went to eat with him, and ended up with your back pressed into the couch, his tie stuffed in your mouth to keep you quiet.
âGo to sleep,â he says, pulling you impossibly closer. âIâll make us lunch when we wake up.â
âPerfect,â you smile, nuzzling into him. âLove you.â
âLove you too, honey,â he says, pressing little kisses to your neck and cheeks, wherever he can reach. âNow sleep.â
Youâre already halfway there. The combination of him nestled inside of you and the post-orgasm exhaustion is enough to lull you into a restful sleep.
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x fem!reader#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner smut#aaron hotchner fanfiction#hotch x fem!reader#hotch x reader#hotch x you#hotch x fem!reader smut#aaron hotchner x fem!reader smut#criminal minds smut#aaron hotchner one shot#criminal minds#aaron hotchner songfic#my usual
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The Madness In Me
Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader
SYNOPSIS: You and Natasha get infected with an alien aphrodisiac that is supposed to induce heat cycles in many species. How will you both cope with this issue? (We all know how)
WARNINGS: SEX POLLEN, enthusiastic consent, drug-induced sex, masturbation, fingering (N!receiving) pussy eating, (r!receiving), violent sex, mutual pining, confessions of love, reader is described as agoraphobic (fear of being in unsafe, unfamiliar environments), no use of y/n
WORD COUNT: 6.1K
This was why you never left the fucking compound. This was the exact reason that you never left when Natasha asked you to come with her somewhere. You told Steve to leave you alone, made aggressive backhanded comments to Rocket, even threw things at Rhodey when he asked for an extra set of hands in the field.
You were an office person. Your job was to keep paperwork in order, make calls, and⌠do office shit! You werenât meant for the field, you had no desire to explore the outside world, and you certainly werenât created for literal space. But everybody was indisposed with other assignments and only you and Natasha were around to help Nebula with something in space.
It should have been a simple task: collect data of the tremors on the planet, run scans, and return the data back to the compound where you could ship off the readings to Carol, wherever she was out in space. The atmosphere was breathable, but lower gravity than Earth so your footsteps were heavier and you felt less balanced.
Natasha was trying not to smirk as you looked so out of your element here, kneeling into mystery colored dirt and plunging several spikes into the ground to pick up the tremor readings. You were trying to ignore her, looking forward to curling up in your bed tonight and forgetting about the terror you felt when passing through the jump point.
âNot meant for space, Nat,â You mumbled, connecting the sensor to the wires and waiting for it to turn green. Natasha knelt down next to you and gently nudged you with her arm. âIâm serious, I want to go home like, now.â
âDo you ever stop complaining?â Natasha rolled her eyes. You looked up and tried not to stare at the way her red roots were starting to overtake the blonde on her head. âWe are in literal space, and you canât stand it.â
âMaybe Iâve got minimal agoraphobia, who knows,â You sighed, running your hands through the dirt under your knees and seeing the sensor start to blink an aggressive yellow color. âFuck sake, what now?â
âYou placed the sensors incorrectly,â Nebulaâs voice spoke through the comm on your chest and you flinched. âDo you need any assistance? The diagram was clearly markedââ
âNo, Iâve got it Nebula,â You turned off the comm and sighed, pulling out the left most sensor and readjusting the probe so you could properly plunge it into the dirt. âGod, why does she always sound disappointed in me?â
âThatâs just her voice,â Natasha wiggled one of the sensors, trying to get it exactly like the diagram. She was focused on her task, and you were focused on yours⌠So focused that you didnât notice your comm blinking angrily. Nebula was trying to tell you something, but you were ignoring the comm, just simply thinking that she was trying to boss you around again.
âŚIf only you had listened to her.
Nebula was trying to warn you about the pocket of liquid your sensor was far too close to. The pressure under the surface of the dirt was high, and you pierced it just right. That was the cause of the tremors, alright.Â
In mere seconds, both you and Natasha were knocked down into the dirt, covered in a translucent red liquid that was far stickier than you were comfortable with. It went up your nose, down your throat, every single part of you was drenched in the fucking substance that felt like it was humming with life. Natasha was just the same, rolling over on her side and coughing aggressively in order to get the liquid free from her throat.
Your entire body hurt, and you looked up at the ship just in time to see Nebula running down the ramp of the spacecraft and approaching you and Natasha. She scowled, looking down at you and crossing her arms. âI tried to tell you to be careful.â
âNext time,â You coughed, spitting out the goop and standing off the ground. Natasha stood up with you, flicking her hands out and trying so hard to get the substance off her body but it was clear that the only way it was coming off was with a high-pressure shower. âNext time, Iâm fucking staying home.â
It didnât take long for the ship to return to Earth. But in that time, you felt like your skin was literally on fire. The heat under your clothes was almost unbearable and you practically stumbled out of the ship towards the compound where you were finding a bathroom and stripping off your sticky garments immediately.
Natasha must have been feeling the same because her face was red, not because of that sticky liquid, and was almost ripping at her shirt as she went to a separate room to take her own shower.
Your clothes sat in a pile on the floor as you stepped into the coldest shower ever, sighing with relief as the heat began to dissipate and you washed away the sticky mess that was the mystery planet gunk staining your skin. It left a red tint behind on your skin that you hated, but at least the feeling of rolling around in glue was gone.
Hands slid across your skin as you tried to make this last, basking in the cold. Your fingers trailed over your belly and then down lower, pausing and feeling your face heat up with embarrassment. There was a residual part of your body that was radiating a painful heat⌠and not only heat. You turned off the water to your shower and looked down, seeing your arousal literally dripping down your legs.
âWhat theâŚâ You shuddered, your stomach twisting as you grabbed a towel and began drying your body off. The towel rubbed all over your skin, hands shaking like crazy as you dried your hair and then dragged the fabric between your legs. The contact against your cunt was enough to make you cry out in agony, legs shaking and knees buckling as you hit the ground and curled up. âF-f-fuckâŚâ
This was bad. But who could you even call for this? Who could help you? This had to be a medical issue, right? This wasnât like your ovulation week or anything, this was nearly unnatural. Youâd never been so aroused and wet in your damn life.
âFriday,â You mumbled out loud to the AI that watched over the compound. If Tony could see you now, he would be laughing his ass off. âW-Whatâs wrong with me?â
âJust a moment,â Friday said, and you could assume she was scanning you. âInternal body temperature is 101 degrees Fahrenheit, and heart rate is 120 resting⌠Should I call for a medic?â
âNo,â You mumbled, standing off the ground and reaching for the robe off the back of the bathroom door, sliding it over your sweaty skin and plopping onto the bathroom floor. âNo, this is too embarrassing⌠Get Nebula, please Friday. Sheâs from space, she should know whatâs wrong with me.â
âI have alerted Nebula. Are you alright, miss?â
��Mâfine Friday,â You sighed, pulling your legs to your chest and trying to ignore the ache between your legs⌠was this happening to Natasha too? Oh, you shouldnât have thought about that. The thought of Natasha Romanoff in the same state as you, on the ground with her arousal dripping down her thighs⌠You pulled your hand away from where it was circling your clit at an agonizing rate.
Muscles burning, heart rate through the roof, skin crawling, stomach churning⌠You were in agony when Nebula came in as you were laying on the floor in nothing but the bathrobe. Sweat dripped from your face as you looked up just in time to get face-to-face with a furry creature that a long time ago would have freaked you out, but you knew Rocket when you saw him.
âThe hell did I miss out on?â He looked up at Nebula who scowled before grabbing you by the arms and lifting you off the floor like you didnât weigh a damn thing to her. Cyborg muscles, you assumed⌠It was comforting. Her synthetic hands were cold in comparison to your burning hot skin, and you leaned against her touch despite her seemingly indifferent to your affection.
âWhatâs wrong with me, Rocket?â You sobbed as Nebula sat you down on the counter while the raccoon jumped on the surface next to you and sniffed your body. The scent of the ooze still lingered on your skin, and residue was left behind in a red tint in your hair.
Rocket immediately began laughing. âJust a guess, but smells like a very damn strong dose of pohlavĂvan sludge.â
âIn English, dammitââ
âItâs a chemical used in making stimulants to induce heats for a lot of species in the galaxy⌠and a very potent aphrodisiac that is sold in some alcohol on Hasbinth V,â Rocket explained as he grabbed at your face and moved your hair away.
Your pupils were dilated and just from your scent alone, Rocket knew what the problem was without a doubt. âGirl, you are horny out of your frickinâ mindââ
âWHAT?!â You shrieked, jumping up and wrapping your arms around your stomach. âI was drugged? Are you kâNo, no, no, thereâs an antidote, right? Thereâs always an antidote forââ
âSorry sweetheart,â Rocket shook his furry head, much to your embarrassment and dismay. âNothinâ to do but wait âtil it stops.â
When you glanced at his crewmate, Nebula seemed to look at you with⌠pity? Either that, or she was uncomfortable just being in your presence. You gulped, asking the question that you didnât want to ask. âHow long?â
âHeat cycles for most species last a week⌠but humies donât get them so maybe a few days less than that?â Rocket was in thought, or perhaps he was enjoying your agony far too much as you groaned and pushed your legs together and sunk down on your knees again.
If he said something else, you didnât hear him. The only thing on your mind was the unbearable throb between your thighs and how you just wanted to touch yourself until the pain ceased finally⌠But apparently, you had days for this. And Nebulaâs last words before she left with Rocket were the worst things you could hear. âItâs going to get worse. Weâll figure out a quarantine situation for you soon⌠Rocket, we need to check on Natasha; she got hit with the sludge as well.â
âAre you kidding?!â Rocket started laughing. âThe assassin and the girl afraid of going outside get doused with liquid sex on the one day Iâm busy? Iâm not missing anything ever again.â
How could it possibly get worse?
Worse. Worse, worse, so much fucking worse.
It had only been a day for you into quarantine and you felt like you were going to rip your hair out! Your skin was crawling, your face was burning, and you simply stopped wearing anything below the waist because it would just get soaked in seconds from how bad your cunt was dripping⌠It was humiliating. You felt like a dog in heat.
With every spare second you had, you were touching yourself. Any thought you had was perverse, and you couldnât stop yourself from having vulgar desires about literally every single woman within your life. You drooled over your memories with Wanda Maximoff before she disappeared into dust and how her touch always felt electric for you. Thoughts of Nebula and her cold stare as she held you down that one time was addicting.
Carol Danvers came to mind and you imagined the being of the cosmos fucking you mercilessly like the beast she was and it had you sobbing as you rutted against the bedsheets that were soaked with your juices, and your sweat.
But the thing that did it for you? Natasha⌠Oh, the beautiful and sweet Natasha Romanoff⌠The woman who was suffering just as you were on the other side of the fifth floor where you two were being kept. The thought that she was rubbing herself down on her bed or plunging her fingers into her cunt as well was the thought that had you cumming several times over.
Tears streaked your face as you bit down on your bottom lip and humped at your pillow like some sad fucking desperate teenager. Your clit was rubbed raw at this point, and your cunt was pulsing painfully, but you couldnât stop. Every time you came, you felt a momentary reprieve of bliss and the shivers would stop, before it came right back and the cycle started all over again.
The only way you got to sleep was with the injections that Rocket brought to you. Nebula was expecting you to have adverse reactions to him when he entered your room, but you seemed to be less than indifferent to his presence. In fact, it was like that with every man that entered your room.
Steve had gone to check on you, and Rocket warned him that you were basically feral and wanted to fuck anything with a pulse, but not him. You looked up at Steve and sobbed before burying yourself under the blankets and hiding.
The opposite was the case when Nebula first entered your room after the symptoms got worse. You knew that once this was all over, you could never look at her the same after you had almost jumped on top of her.
It was the fever talking⌠and acting⌠andâFuck, your own touch wasnât as helpful as it was before. As the hours dragged on, you felt like your hands were going numb and your heart was practically breaking with how much pain you felt. It was with shaky hands that you reached for the injection on the table next to your ruined bed and jabbed the large needle into your leg.
A small trickle of blood oozed from the puncture wound as you injected the mixture of sedatives into your body and you felt the relief of sleep slowly approaching. The last thing you did was put the used needle down into the incinerator trash can before passing out in your mess. The syringes on your table were labeled with a single word. âSNOWâ.
You were happy to rest your burning body, closing your eyes and immediately passing out, drooling on your mattress with the pillow nestled between your thighs. As the hours carried on, your scent just got stronger. You were unconscious for quite some time, but it turns out, someone else couldnât sleep at all.
Your scent was too strong. It was driving her fucking insane. She couldnât control herself even if she wanted to. In mere moments, the poor ex-assassin was crawling into your bed, and she didnât care if you were asleep; she was eating your pussy.
Natasha grabbed at your body and turned you over on your back, pulling the pillow out from between your legs and practically drooling over how your wetness was sticking to the fabric before she bent down and put her entire mouth over your cunt like it was all she needed to survive.
You didnât react for a good long while. The sedative mixture in the syringes were heavy duty stuff, and for almost forty minutes, Natasha was simply indulging herself on you like you were the most decadent snack sheâs ever had and she just couldnât get enough.
With one hand, she reached down and pressed her fingers against her clit, groaning against you as you squirmed in your sleep slightly, clearly stirring awake after the assassinâs tongue was attacking your cunt for over half an hour. She was basking in your taste, your juices smearing on her mouth and dripping onto the wet bed sheets as she dug her fingernails into your left thigh.
The pain woke you first. The way her nails bit into your skin had you squeaking in pain as you sat up and looked to see what was the culprit. And then the pleasure hit you. Holy fuck did the pleasure hit you. It was completely different from you touching yourself; Natasha was so good. She was so fucking good at this that you felt yourself close to cumming already.
âN-N-Nat!â You stuttered, a loss for words. Natasha looked up through her blonde hair messily splayed all over her damp, sweaty face as she refused to let up. Her tongue pressed flat against your hole and slowly pushed it in. The noise you made was guttural and savage. âFuuuuuhuuuck!â
Natasha didnât stop even for a second. In fact, her own hand abandoned her pussy and she forgot about her own pleasure for a moment, the thought of your release in her mouth taking over her entire being. Her green irises were almost overtaken by her blown out pupils. She had tunnel vision. You were at the end. And she ignored the ache in her jaw as she felt your thighs tremble in her hands.
You met her fiery gaze and she saw a small string of drool drip from your lips and she latched her lips around your clit, sucking and making your eyes roll all the way back in your head. That was your final stretch.
Your body arched off the bed and you let out a shriek of euphoria, reaching down and grabbing at her short blonde hair, fingers curling in Natashaâs locks as she felt your taste flood over her tongue. She was in heaven. You had never seen Natasha like this before, and you were upset that it had taken this long for her to eat your pussy like she was a woman starved.
The trembles of your climax began to slowly wear off as you panted, heart racing as you saw Natasha slowly sit up from the bed, your arousal dripping from her lips and her hair a downright mess. She smelled so good, and looked even better. Her skin was glistening as she collapsed on top of you, her arms caging you into the mattress.Â
âWhat are you doing to me?â Natasha panted, but there was no bite in her voice. The tone of her commanding words had your knees weakening again as you reached up and tangled your fingers in her hair.Â
âWhat you do to me,â You said, leaning up a little as you teased the assassin with the promise of a kiss. Your lips were centimeters apart as her mouth hovered and she pressed a single kiss to your nose. Both of you couldnât stop your heavy breaths as she saw how your eyes were just as dilated, knowing that this was the sludge forcing her hands⌠And yet, this feels so, so right.Â
âPretty girl,â Natasha teased, her tongue licking at your bottom lip as you whimpered, your knee slipping between her legs and pressing up against her core. The sound she made was enough to have you climbing the walls. The teasing was over as you reached for the back of her neck and pulled her down.Â
It was unlike you to feel dominant in your life⌠Your short list of lovers could attest to that; you were always the submissive type in the relationship. And yet, the aphrodisiac working in your body was screaming to take control. Fingers twitched as you fought your natural instincts for the ones forced into your brain by the drug.Â
The kiss was broken when your hands dug into Natashaâs ass, nails biting her skin as she gasped and looked into your eyes. Her heart pounded in her ears as she rolled her hips, grinding her slicked pussy down against your thigh.Â
âY-You know,â You panted, guiding her hips into your leg and shivering at how warm her cunt was on your skin. You wanted nothing more than to fuck the assassin senseless. âThis is⌠j-just that sludge, right?âÂ
Natasha laughed, tossing her head back for a second as her sweat dripped off her nose. âIs it though, sweetheart?â
You stopped. Your body seemed to shudder all over as you rested both hands on her hips. âNat, what are youââ
âLater,â She begged, her fingers sliding across your body and pausing to grip at your breasts, squeezing and kneading at the flesh enough for your eyes to roll back in your head. âWeâll talk later⌠Right now, I need you.âÂ
How could you say no to that?Â
Your fingers grabbed the back of her thighs and in seconds, Natasha was on her back on the bed with you grabbing at her wrists, holding them above her head into the pillow. That beautiful blonde hair with the red roots peeking through was splayed across your sheets. Her skin was glistening with sweat, chest rising and falling rapidly with every hard breath she took.Â
Natasha Romanoff was the most beautiful woman you have ever seen in your entire life.Â
âFuck,â You said. You couldnât think of anything else to say. You dropped down and your lips pressed into hers, hands releasing her wrists as they curled into the bedsheets and you put your knee right back to where it was before.Â
Natasha whimpered, her hips bucking up to meet your leg as it felt like shocks going all over her body. In her normal state, this friction wouldnât have been enough to get her off, but with the drug making everything more sensitive, Natasha swore she could cum just like this. But you werenât satisfied with it.Â
Your right hand slid down from the sheets, caressing over her body and raking your nails over her flat abdomen before sneaking between her legs. The kiss broke as she spread her thighs apart for your fingers. When they came in contact with her cunt, Natasha let out the most unhinged noise of pleasure youâve ever heard in your entire life.Â
You wanted to hear more. Your fingers circled around her clit and Natasha bit her lip, something in her fighting the noises she wanted to make. You werenât having it as you bent down and kissed the womanâs neck.Â
âCome on, Widow,â You teased, your fingers rubbing at her in tight circles and making her even wetter, if that was at all possible because she was already dripping. âWalls are soundproof⌠Give me all youâve got.âÂ
When your teeth sunk into her neck and you slipped your middle finger into her slick pussy, Natasha was past holding herself back. Her entire spine arched off the bed and she gasped, her eyes rolling back and her body reacting to your touch in the most delicious way possible.Â
She was so sexy, so fearless, so everything you admired in a woman and now all of your infatuation for the audacious assassin was coming to a point. You had always loved Natasha, and now you were able to show her. You could actually show her how you felt. Without the sludge drug going through your body, you would never have the confidence to even touch this woman, let alone kiss her.Â
Things between you two had always been flirty, even before the attack that wiped out half of the universe. Natasha would walk by your office and smile at you, and you would blush before going back to your job. Maybe you would see her outside of your office when she was walking with Steve or Sam. She could smell your shampoo when you walked by and the smell of vanilla was always one of her favorites.Â
She liked your fearlessness, even if you were simply afraid of field work. You took the job with the stipulation that you wouldnât have to do field work, and your place would be behind a desk forever. And then, half of the organization vanished. Your work was forced to change and you didnât have a choice but to sign your new contract and adapt.Â
Much to Natashaâs pleasure, you were more active outside of your office. And there were many times when you would go with her outside of the compound⌠And then you went to space. You and her went to space. Natasha and you went into outer space, got hit with pohlavĂvan sludge, and now because of one off-world assignment, you two were about to fuck like rabbits in heat.Â
The Widow looked down, watching your wrist flex as you pushed another finger into her cunt and she saw stars behind her eyes, her inner walls squeezing your digits and making you pant with pleasure. It was like you could feel what she was feeling, your heart skipping beats as the scent of her arousal was flooding your senses and clouding everything you once knew.
âOhmygod,â Natasha cried out. Her eyes were watering as she held the sheets, lifting up her right leg and resting her calf on your shoulder. A growl left your throat as you doubled down and started moving your fingers faster, stretching her around them and feeling her warmth and wetness soak you from the wrist down. âFuck, fuck thatâs it⌠D-Donât stopâŚâ
âNever,â You whispered, leaning down and pressing your nose against her cheek. Her moans and whines drowned your senses, encouraging your movements.Â
The blonde couldnât hold it back even if she tried. Never before has she been able to cum so quickly before. Her eyes crossed and rolled all the way back in her head as she reached up for your shoulders and dug her nails in, screaming with blistering gratification. You gave a breathy laugh before it faded into a groan, feeling her nails scrape across your back.Â
Natasha created a puddle under her, staining the mattress and ruining the sheets even more than you could have done on your own. You gasped, resting your head against her shoulder as you breathed her in, basking in her aftershocks and gently rubbing at her clit with your thumb as you continued to stroke her inner walls with your fingertips.
The moment carried on for at least a minute before both of you were snapped out of your stupor at a soft beeping sound.Â
âWhat the hell isââ Natasha said, looking around the room for a second before her question was answered.Â
âWarning, heart rate levels dangerously high,â FRIDAY spoke over the intercom in your room, a blush turning your entire face red. âWounds detected. Shall I call for assistance, miss?âÂ
âNo!!â Both you and Natasha screamed, silencing the AI in the walls instantly. You never wanted anybody to see Natasha the way you are seeing her right now. Very carefully, your fingers slipped free from her cunt and she gasped, her nose going into your neck as she wrapped both arms around you and whimpered.Â
âShhh⌠Shhh, I got you, Nat,â You cooed sweetly, not really sure where this confidence came from. Was it actually the drug making you like this, or were you always capable of this deep down? âJust breathe baby, thatâs it⌠Just breathe for meâŚâ
Natashaâs heart calmed down gradually. You waited patiently for her to pull back away from your shoulder and when she did, you smiled, pushing her blonde hair away from her eyes and seeing that her climax had given both of you a momentary reprise from the stupid aphrodisiac that would be taking effect again in no time.Â
âThere you are,â You said, rubbing your thumb over her cheek. âYou okay,mĂlaja?â
Natasha blushed at you speaking Russian, chuckling as she reached up with both hands and held your cheeks. âNever better, detka.âÂ
You rubbed your nose against hers teasingly as a shiver raced down your spine, feeling an odd sensation of wetness on your back. You reached over your shoulder and felt something warm and wet coat your fingertips. When you pulled them back, blood coated your fingertips. Damn, she cut pretty deep huh?
âJesus,â You cursed, raising a brow as Natasha frowned and immediately began to fuss at the wound she caused. When she managed to wiggle out from underneath you, she saw the lines from her fingernails going down your back and a small amount of blood trickled from the wounds and streaked your skin.Â
âMâsorry,â Natasha leaned down and gently kissed your shoulder, wishing she could have held it together and not have caused you harm. âWe should⌠we should get cleaned up, huh?âÂ
âYeah,â You agreed, slowly crawling off of the mattress and cursing at how wet the sheets and fabric were under your hands. âWe⌠really fucked this bed up.â
âDonât worry,â Natasha smirked, reaching for your hand and pulling your body against her own. Your spine pressed into her chest as she leaned forward, her lips ghosting on the shell of your ear and making you shiver. âThereâs lots of other places in your room we can ruin too⌠Weâve got nothing but time.â
It was like her words reactivated the arousal in you. The momentary reprieve ended as your pupils widened and overtook your eyes again as you leaned into her hands, grabbing at her ass from behind you and breathing heavily. âShower?âÂ
âShower. Now.âÂ
The two days continued just like this. You two couldnât keep your hands off of each other the entire time. The sludge had made it so your stamina was nearly limitless and you could continue without needing a breather or a break. Natasha was resilient and strong, and she was able to handle anything you threw at her.Â
True to her words, you two fucked on every single surface of the room. The showers, the bathroom sink, the kitchen sink, the bed, the floors, the couch, the reclining chair, even in the closet. The room reeked of sex and it felt like you could never get enough of Natasha grinding against your face.Â
Your favorite thing quickly became eating her out while she was standing up. You liked how her knees would wobble as she got close and she had to grab the surface she was leaning against in order to not collapse on the floor.Â
Natasha found her favorite position. She loved sliding her own slicked cunt against yours, juices mixing together as she held you down and fucked herself against you like it was her fucking birthright. You made the cutest sounds when she dominated and she couldnât get enough of it.Â
With both of you breathing in that small window of clarity after another earth shattering orgasm, Natasha reached for the remaining two syringes on the nightstand, offering one to you as she panted and tears streaked her face.Â
âNeed to stop,â Natasha panted, ripping the cover off the needle as she looked in your eyes and inserted the sedative into her arm. You nodded quickly, following her and injecting yourself with the SNOW. She used the last of her strength to incinerate the used needles before collapsing next to you on the floor, legs tangled in the wet blankets as your body curled around her own.
 It was ten full hours later before both of you woke up. Sunlight streaked through the window as you slowly began to blink, attempting to wake up and come back to reality. For a second, you felt fine⌠and then it all hit you at once.Â
Your head was pounding. It felt like a hangover times ten. Your entire body was sore and screaming, muscles aching and your stomach growling with ferocity as you rolled over and pushed your entire face into the wet pillow behind your head.Â
âFuck,â You cursed, wanting it to stop already. It wasnât until you heard a similar groan that you opened your eyes and saw Natasha looking just as ragged as you, if not worse. Deep, dark circles were under her eyes. Her hair was a total mess, and her neck was littered with bruises and bite marks. You flushed, remembering that you were the one to leave those marks.Â
âGoddammit,â Natasha groaned, rolling onto her side as she faced you and rubbed her whole hand across her face. It wasnât until you saw her eyes that the realization set in⌠The drug was out of your system. Her irises were normal. She wasnât trying to jump you the second you woke up.Â
You two were fine now⌠Oh shit, you two were fine now⌠You two fucked nonstop for three days!
âFRIDAY,â You said, voice hoarse and cracking. âAre we okay?âÂ
A second passed before a beep went off. âAll traces of pohlavĂvan sludge have been removed from your systems. Vital signs, stable.âÂ
You breathed a sigh of relief as you flopped on the ground and reached out for Natashaâs hand. To your surprise, she didnât refuse your touch. In fact, she scooted closer and pressed her forehead against yours, breathing you in like your presence could cure her aches and pains.Â
âAre you okay?â She asked, reaching out with her other hand and pushing your hair out of your eyes. You smiled, nodding a little as you lifted up her hand and kissed over her knuckles. The moment was sweet and you were happy to live in it.Â
âWe uhm,â You swallowed hard. âShould we⌠talk about this orâŚâ
Natasha rolled her eyes before she leaned forward and captured your lips in a soft, gentle kiss. Your eyes widened. This was way different than before. There was no drug working through your systems to force your hands; Natasha was kissing you and meaning it this time. You melted and returned the kiss, resting a hand on her cheek and relaxing visibly.Â
When the kiss broke, the assassin smiled warmly and rubbed her thumb across your cheekbone. âI love you⌠and this isnât the drug talking this time, detka⌠I really love you.â
You thought you were going to cry. âI love you too, Natasha⌠Fuck, I love you so much itâs sickening.âÂ
She rolled her eyes before scooting even closer and wrapping her arms around your body and shoving her entire face into your chest. You both reeked and were covered in sweat and cum, but you still couldnât stop touching each other no matter whatâŚ
It was a sweet moment.Â
And then the door opened and you reacted on instinct. Without a second thought, you were grabbing at the bedsheet and wrapping it around yourself and Natasha who looked up and saw two people entering the bedroom, and a much shorter, furrier creature slipping between the other two to approach both of you on the floor.Â
âSteve, you could fuckinâ knock you know!â You shouted at Captain America who immediately looked away from the scene and tried to hide the redness on his cheeks.Â
Rocket ran on all fours towards you as he looked at your eyes and sniffed your skin. âDrugâs completely dissolved. Iâm impressed humie⌠Didnât think youâd make it through this shit.âÂ
âWhat is that supposed to mean?â Natasha said in an accusatory tone as Nebula stepped around the mess of the room, seeing that you used all of the sedative syringes and blew through the water supply that would normally last a normal human a week, but it barely lasted three days with you and Natasha.
âLesser humans would not have been able to keep up with the sludge working through their systems,â Nebula spoke. âMany that have ingested the substance did not survive. Their hearts stopped.âÂ
âAnd you didnât think to tell us this earlier?!â You wrapped protective arms around Natasha as the thought of her heart stopping made you so uncomfortable that you felt your skin crawling and your heart racing. âWe could have died!âÂ
âBut ya didnât,â Rocket said, that smug little grin making you scowl. âBoth of you are fine. Got through it just fine and now youâve both had the wildest sex of your lives.âÂ
âThatâs enough,â Steve pushed the door open, keeping his eyes away from both of you. âLetâs give them privacy and a chance to clean up. Come on.â
When the room cleared out, you shared a single look with Natasha before both of you started laughing. So all of this could have been fatal. And the damn raccoon (not that he would admit to being that), had no intentions of telling either of you. And he just let you two fuck senselessly for days because, what, it was funny?Â
And deep down⌠it kind of was funny.Â
Both you and Natasha were forced to wear turtlenecks for a few days to cover the hickeys left behind. Steve couldnât look at either of you without blushing.Â
#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia#marvel mcu#marvel#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#natasha romanoff#natasha romanov#natasha x reader#post infinity war#sex pollen#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff smut#mcu smut#wlw#fem!reader#i love natasha okay?#secret sweetheart#lesbian
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Gojo Satoru & Geto Suguru
⥠TW: fear, prank, prank gone too far, dubcon-ish
⥠GN reader
âHaha, âToruânice try,â is all you say to the tall figure, having stood patiently in wait and perfectly positioned to do a jump scare with his silly store-bought Ghostface mask on.
You sigh and go back to your dealings, and he remains as if the gist isnât upâever-committed to the task as if youâre suddenly going to forget that itâs him. Likeâof course, itâs him! Despite what the movies will have you believe, not a lot of guys have bodies like that.
If he was really committed to tricking you, he should have worn something baggier to hide his perfectly shredded chest. But noâheâs set on wearing his black muscle shirtâprobably opting to make you both scared and horny at the same time.
You carry on with what youâd been doingâcleaning up the kitchen. âOi, quit standing there already and come help me.â
He doesnât. But thatâs not unlike himâheâll take any excuse not to do the dishes. And right now, the excuse is this dumb prank. But itâs your fault in any caseâyouâre the one that put him up to it by saying heâd never be able to get a rise out of you.
You sigh and scold yourself for being so short-sightedâshouldâve kept my dumb mouth shut. Knowing him, heâs probably going to be this way all through October, the insufferable prick.
He still stands there. Silent. And still. Eerily unlike him. And almost, just almost, utterly unlike him.
But noâdonât be stupid! Heâs the same height and the same build, for fuckâs sake! What are the odds of someone with the exact same measurements as your boyfriend breaking in right at the time he isnât around in something so cliche and dumb as a Ghostface replica? No, it stinks of Satoruâitâs got his goofy antics written all over it.
You scoff againâa little winded this time, a little strained. You have to hand it to himâhe is a little scary when he shuts up for this long.
âYou can knock it off, Satoru. I know itâs you.â You face him again, hand on your hip, with a frown.Â
You sigh again when he still doesnât answer, insisting on his stupid tactic of psyching you out. And youâre getting pissed that itâs actually almost working.
âUgh, youâre so stupid.â You start stomping overâaiming to rip that dumb thing off his head and point your death glare directly in his insufferable blue eyesâthose insufferable blue eyes youâre actually starting to hope are under there more than knowing without a doubt are there for sure.Â
âTchâitâs insulting if you think some half-assed performance like this is gonna be enough to scare me. At least have the creativity to come up with something somewhat decentââ
You stop in your tracks halfway over. Hair is peaking out from under the mask. You hadnât seen it from afar, matted against the black shirt he was wearingâbut how could you? How could you when itâs not white hair?
You flinch backward. Stumbling. Assessing the dark, silken locks a second time before looking up at the mask againâthat soulless white warped skull with pitch-black bottomless eyesockets.
You take another step back. Breath hitching in your throat when the figure takes a step as wellâtoward you.
Your heart flares. Itâs not Satoru.
Eyes peeled, you feel the panic overthrow you in an instantâlike a cold rush, reaching all the way into your bonemarrow, making it hard to move, hard to do much of anything without feeling vulnerable to what it might trigger.
But once the figure pulls his hand out from behind his back, brandishing a butcherâs knife that catches the light and glints in the airâyou have no other choice but to run.
What a perfect fucking day to wear fuzzy fucking socks! Fucking October cold is going to be the reason you dieâstabbed to death in your own house by some cringey Scream fanboy. Noâthis canât be the endânot this way! Why isnât Satoru home yet? Why canât he ever be where you need him to be?
You make your way through the houseâhoping to reach the door, but turning the corner has you slip and fall, and the intruderâs on youâknife raised, poised prettily in the air above your helpless body, clad in your tiny heart-print pjâsâlike the perfect hot airhead in any slasher spoof.
You scream and squeeze your eyes shut, âNo! Noâplease! Please! Satoru, help!â
And right as the knife is supposed to come down and puncture your chest, making it spurt out red until you finally bleed out, dead and gone, thereâs a bang instead as two palms land flat on the floor on either side of your head.
Joined by a muffled voice, âAre yah scared yet?â
With your eyes wide open again, you look up at not one mask blocking out the ceiling light but two. And with all the pure alarm savaging your chest, you manage to let out a real horror-movie squealâunlike a sound youâve ever made before.
And then, of all things, thereâs laughterâno, not laughterâstraight cackling.
Andâfortunately or unfortunatelyâyouâre quite sure you recognize that sound.
The last one pulls off his mask, and you really canât believe itâpretty porcelain face squished in amusement with tears of joy in the corner of his insufferable blue eyes.
That fucking bitch.
âYou should have seen your face!â he chortlesâdownright heaves. But for all his handsome features, he truly must be the ugliest laugher there is. Or maybe itâs just that the bastard always laughs at your expense, and after one too many times, itâs left a bad taste in your mouth.
Still, you sigh, eyes closed in relief, âI hate you, âToru. You took it way too far, you ass.â
âNo, no, Satoru, help~â he ignores you and mocks in a high-pitched moan, showing not a sign of remorseâholding his hand over his stomach as he falls to the floor, struggling to leave room for breath between hooting and howling.
Your eyes go to the original perpetrator. âAnd you? You proud or what?â
The wearer pulls off its mask and is revealed to be none other than Satoruâs best friendâGeto.
Honestly, you should have fucking known...
âSorry, heheâŚâ
Youâre upsetâyou make that clear with your pout, giving him your best guilt-tripping look from where you rest beneath him.
But still, within, your heart eases at the sight of his kind face and that apologetic smile across itâever thankful to see him and not the cold-blooded murderer you were convinced was going to kill you only a moment agoâeven when pinned beneath him in a position that should be making Satoru jealous.
But your boyfriend couldnât care less, it seemsâtoo busy rolling on the floor and laughing out loud quite literally, even banging his fist against the wood. Prick.
âIâm gonna throw upââ you say as the nerves finally settle. âAnd when Iâm done, Iâm gonna kill you. Both of you.â
Geto seems to think thatâs fair, still with that sheepish smile on his face, but Satoru is quick to interjectâlaughing fit over as he shakes his head, âNuh-uh. You said if I manage to scare you once this Halloween, Iâd get whatever I want.â
You swear he can be such a child sometimes.
Oh, who are you kidding? Heâs always a child. Itâs only surprising heâs managed to rope Geto into all thisâa guy whoâs usually so mature.
âI donât remember saying thatâŚâ you sigh, laying the back of your hand atop your forehead, still calming your breaths and the pounding in your headâyour body not yet caught up to the fact that itâs trepidation over impending death was all just some silly joke played on you by two idiots.
You canât believe himâyou canât believe either of them.
âFucking shit, GetoâI thought I was gonna die.â
He still hasnât gotten off youâthe look of worry on his face tells you heâs probably just wanting to stay close to make you feel safe. You appreciate it, though itâs a little awkward lying beneath him like thisâitâs not exactly a position you share with just anyoneâŚ
âHonestly, I didnât think it would work,â he saysâeyes slim like always, in that charming way. âI always thought you were smarter than to fall for something this stupid.â
You pull a frown at thatâtaking it all back. Heâs as childish and dumb as Satoru is. Heâs just better at hiding it.Â
âOh, shut upâas if you wouldnât scream if someone chased you down with a knife,â you grumble. âNow get off, you prick.â
You begin to lift yourself onto your elbows, yet despite the clear intention of getting up, Geto doesnât budge to make it happen.
No, instead, he leans further inâfine-kempt raven hair slipping off his shoulders, falling with the same grace as a veil.
âI was told thereâd be a prize for the one that got you to crack, and seeing as Iâm the one that made that happenâI want it.â
You have to blinkâblanched at the sudden demand.
Satoru, as well, a little stunnedâlooking wide-eyed at the two of you, upside down where he lies flat on his back, long limbs stretched out like a starfish.
âYou what now?â both of you ask in unison.
Geto chuckles before repeating, âMy prize. I want it. Itâs only fair,â as if itâs the most obvious thing in the world.Â
Satoru rolls over on his stomach to view you both the right way, pursing his lips in thought. âHmmâŚâ Hand on his chin as if itâs really something to deliberate when the dumbass very well knows what the two of you had bet on and how it very much isnât a reward you can give to just anyone.
Yet, despite that. âOkay,â he agreesâas if itâs even up to him.
âHold on now, wait a minute.â You intervene in the almost business-esque dealing theyâd somehow held without you. "Not happening.â
âWhy not?â they both ask, looking at you.Â
And you canât keep from gaping. The nerve.
Spluttering as you explain, âBecause itâsâwell, because it was a bet between me and my dumbass boyfriend, and it was very clear what the prize was gonna be, come winner or loserâso, sorry to break it to you, but there is no prize.â
But that doesnât seem to deter Geto. âOh, I think there isâŚâ he all but purrs as he leans down further.
âSatoru already agreed. And youâre already on your back beneath me.â
His smile isnât all so friendly anymore, and still⌠you canât help but blush being caught beneath it, holding your breath with fear a little different from the one before but no different in how it makes your heart pound.
âSo, if neither of you mindâŚ" he grins slyly. "I think Iâll just take it.âÂ
⥠GOJO SATORU masterlist ⥠GETO SUGURU masterlist ⥠JUJUTSU KAISEN masterlist
#yandere gojo#yandere gojo x reader#yandere jjk#yandere satoru gojo#yandere gojo satoru#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere#gojo smut#satoru smut#gojo satoru smut#satoru gojo smut#jujutsu gojo#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#jujustu kaisen#jjk satoru#gojou satoru x reader#gojou satoru x y/n#gojo#yandere geto#yandere geto suguru#yandere suguru#geto suguru#geto x reader#jjk geto#geto smut#suguru smut#jjk suguru
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Vaping so much that Iâm hot boxing the van in honor of not fucking wanting to go inside
#there are days where I want to be alone and in my room is simply not enough#today is a day where if I could live in a soundproof sensory deprivation tank thing I would#like I want to just simple float in exact body temp water and not hear anything and have it be silent#I need it#anyways. pmsing Fatherâs Day dad nine month death anniversary same day#tomorrow will be hell. today is hell junior and the last thing I want to do rn is go inside and see my mom or my brother I donât want to#talk I donât want to listen I donât want to have fucking sir funkadelic the third (yeah. full name.) yelling at me for attention when I want#to just be buried alive for like 72 hours and then come back and be fine again like I donât want to interact with anyone but the people on#my phone I donât want to do anything I am just like emotionally and physically exhausted and I canât fucking take this shit today#I wish I could just like live in the car for the day#Iâve been sitting in the for twenty minutes since I got home but I just donât want to go inside#Iâm miserable but vibing and def have to go inside at some point bc Iâm now too high to drive around
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Part 9 (unrevised version). Since I've gotten 6 messages and a good bit of asks requesting to view it. Here it is, not in its final form.
You had hoped Monday would have treated you better than the past two days, but walking up to your shop in the pouring rain to already see a body standing outside waiting wasn't a good sign.
Customers who waited outside your shop always made you feel uncomfortable. But when you finally got close enough, you took in the person before you.
"We don't open for another hour." Your voice flat as you fished for your keys.
"I'll wait." Was Kyle's reply.
"Then you'll have to do it outside." You said, the key sliding into the lock. He didn't argue as you shut the door behind you. Didn't even bother knocking when, after thirty minutes, you looked in the window to see that the wind was causing the rain to blow sideways.
You relented. Letting him in thirty minutes earlier. It was a small mercy, even if he was soaked to the bone. You almost felt bad when his chattering teeth were the only thing you could hear.
Almost.
"I take it John told you about our little talk yesterday." You said, going about your business. Engaging in the conversation as if you were talking about the shitty weather that had tried to drown him.
"He did." He gave a sniffle. Running a hand over his beautiful, wet face. Droplets still staking their claim on his skin. "H-he alssso t-t-told us we were on our own in begging for our own f-forgiveness. Ra-ra- rightly s-s-s-so."
You huffed. Guilt beginning to eat at you before you turned, disappearing to the back of the store and coming back with a shirt and a blanket. "You left the shirt here."
He had no shame and wasted no time in taking off his jacket and soaked shirt. His chiseled body exposed to you. It was almost instinct to reach out and touch the soft skin. You luckily possessed some form of self restraint.
"So are you here to promise to make amends as well?" You crossed your arms. You meant it as a sign that you were wanting to create distance, but honestly you didn't trust yourself. It was second nature. Kyle and Johnny were tied when it came to having to always touch you.
Probably why his ghosting sucked so bad.
"I'd like to take you out." You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you. It wasn't until Kyle's face fell that you realized, "Oh, you're actually serious."
He opened his mouth, ready to no doubt give you the same exact promises of doing better that John had given you the day before. Fortunately for Kyle, you didn't have the time to entertain a conversation.
"Fine." You immediately relented. No argument. "That Indian place where I asked you to go four months ago. Seven. If you manage to figure out which place, then I'll be meeting you there. Otherwise you'll be eating alone."
Kyle stood still. Unprepared for the fact that you had... agreed. You actually agreed to let him take you out.
"I can pick you up."
"Not sure what time I'll be getting off today. Might go home first. Might just go straight there." You started opening tasks again. "I have to finish setting up. Seven sharp.
"Seven sharp." He repeated, his smile lighting up the room.
It made you feel sick.
It was 6:45 when your phone started ringing. It was Kyle. Confirming that he was at the restaurant you were supposed to go.
7:00. He had gotten the two of you a table. He'll go ahead and order you a drink. They had mango lassi, but wasn't sure if you wanted to stick to just water.
7:15 He tries calling you. When it goes to voicemail, a follow up text is sent asking if you're okay.
At 7:20, while sitting on the couch you text back. Sorry. Something came up. We'll reschedule, I promise.
If you knew giving them a taste of their own medicine felt so good, you would have done it ages ago. You felt no since of shame in sending it. You hated being petty, but you wanted them to know what it felt like.
John had a lot more of verbal outbursts coming his way and if Johnny was hoping for a chance, he would be lucky if you had sex with him again before marriage.
Ten minutes later, on the dot, there was a knocking on your door. Your food had arrived. Blindly, you opened the door. Only instead of the take out you had delivered, Kyle stood there. Yet again soaked to the bone and this time out of breath.
"How did you know I was here?" Was the first thing that had come into your mind. If anything, he would have went by the shop first, but no. He came here. You weren't the type to deviate from a schedule, but christ. Simon at your date and then the club. John at the shop on your day off. Now this. "I swear to fucking god this fucking stalking-"
"Easy now, Love. No one's stalking you." Bullshit.
Absolute bullshit. They were military. Really important and special connections type of military, but this was bullshit. They were keeping tabs on you somehow.
"I know for a fucking fact that place is only ten minutes away. So you didn't have time to check out my store-- where I should be-- before coming here. So I'm going to ask you again, how did you know I was here?"
"Okay," he shrugged. "Stalking. We're stalking you." Kyle was lying. We he nodded like a bobblehead, you knew whatever was coming out of his mouth was bullshit. The first time you confirmed it was after Johnny had volunteered to make haggis. Kyle told him it was good, no doubt hoping to spare his feelings.
"Kyle." You warned, eyes narrowed and teeth clenched. He paused as if trying to form another lie, but coming up short. Sighing in defeat, he confessed.
"Blocking us didn't stop you from sharing your location." In that moment, you could have strangled him. They had been still using your location. Something you had given them as a way to find you if you ever needed help. Now those assholes were using it for their own benefit.
"Son of a-" you shut your mouth. "I can't do this with you right now, okay?" You didn't confess that your publisher had asked for a last minute zoom call in the middle of your busiest work hour to see how you felt about doing a few meet and greets, all expenses paid.
Good news, but still... overwhelming. You still felt like an imposter. That you didn't deserve the hype you were getting. Your story wasn't that good. Your characters didn't hold much depth.
"Everything okay?" You didn't want to tell him. Didn't want to give him the chance to offer the reassurance you desperately needed for something he had no idea about.
"Why?" You asked, changing the subject. "I just want to know why? With John I get that the job gets stressful and needing someone to take-"
"No," he finished. "That's not an excuse. It's a reason. Not an excuse." His jaw clenched. "There is no excuse for how any of us treated you."
"Then what was your reason?" you asked. "I'm finding it very hard that someone who quite actively avoided me suddenly wants to get back together."
"I slacked off?" He shrugged. "I figured there were four of us and if I wasn't able to be there, it wouldn't make a difference."
"If you're just going to lie, Kyle, there is no point in continuing this conversation." You go to close the door only for his hand to stop you.
He stands there, looking at the ground. Even from the this angle you can see him take his bottom lip between his teeth.
He's nervous.
You step back. Giving him the option of coming in and saying it is whatever it is he needs to stay. He may be an ass like the rest of them, but this isn't exactly a conversation you want to have in the hallway for your nosey neighbors to hear.
He takes the silent invitation. Walking in and not speaking until you click the door shut. "You want the truth?" His voice is soft, but there is something else behind it. Anger?
"No," you say sardonically. "Please. Lie to me." He sighed, but didn't say anything. You were exhausted. The past few days had been a back-to-back rollercoaster of emotions. You were drained. You didn't have it in you for this right now. "Kyle-"
"I thought you only kept asking because you felt bad for me." He said the words so quickly, it took you a moment to process them. He thought.... you felt bad for him? "Like you were still trying to include me even if you didn't want to."
"Why?" Was the only thing you could come up with. You didn't have the energy to try to come up with your own reasoning for his admission.
"Don't think I don't know how I am compared to the them." He scoffed. You always knew the hierarchy of their work, even if you didn't know all the details. John was at the top. Captain and head bitch in charge. Simon was the lieutenant with Johnny and Kyle as Sergeants. Kyle was the youngest of the group by two years, but still. What was there to compare?
"So you're not a Captain or Lieutenant?" you shrug. "Johnny is the same rank as you. And you are the youngest and I'm sure with time you'll get to a position-"
"Black!" He said. "I'm black. I am the only fucking black guy not only in this relationship. I'm the only black guy in the 141, in the unit."
When it came to Kyle, black was the last thing you thought of. You thought of his soft brown eyes or house his hands felt so smooth against your body. How his smile could light up the room and how beautiful, how head-turning gorgeous he was. "I'm just an after thought in everything else regarding the 141, why would you be any different?"
"Ky," you were going to be sick. Was this how he really felt? With you? With the others? With work? "You know I don't feel that way, right?"
"Do you remember that time we went out? That french place?" How could you forget. The maĂŽtre d' had asked Kyle to put a card on a tab before the two of you were even seated. At first you thought it was preposterous. Why would you make patrons at a fine dining restaurant do that? This wasn't a pub for Christ sakes. Kyle told you not to worry about it and handed over a card.
The two of you never went back.
"Oh my god." It dawned on you. "When they asked for your card..."
"I..." he sucked in a breath. Trying to keep his composure. "It was fucking humiliating. I was a man dressed to the fucking nines with a gorgeous girl on my arm and before I even got the chance to blow my money, I was treated like I couldn't afford it. It wasn't because of what I was wearing or who I was with. It was because of me. Of who I was. Who I am."
"Kyle," words escaped you. Nothing in that moment to reassure him that it never dawned on you. That it stupidly never dawned on you how there were times that people did look at him different. You wanted to tell him that it didn't matter. That you were just as important and lovable and respectable as the others. That you loved him just as much. Words failed you. All you could say say was, "I'm so sorry."
He swallowed, before taking in harsh breath through his nose. "It's not an excuse. I got wrapped up in my own stupid fucking head about how other people looked at me, I forgot it only mattered how you did."
"And you did." You said, aching to reach out. To touch him. Offer some comfort. Hating that he ever felt like he wasn't enough. Knowing the feeling all too well. Even if he was the one to make you feel it. "You did matter to me."
"I know." He said. You were thankful he said it clearly. Not shrugging his shoulders or nodding his head as he spoke. "I'll do anything to matter to you again." He took your hands in his, even though they had ached to hold you closer. But he knew not to test his luck. "If you want to press restart and let's take it back to the very beginning, I'll do that. I will court you and woo you and make you fall in love with me all over again because I will never fall out with you. I can't."
You weren't prepared for this. You had prepared to leave Kyle waiting in a restaurant alone. Now your heart ached in your chest at the idea of letting him ever think he wasn't enough because of the color of his skin.
"It doesn't have to be now or tomorrow or next week or next fucking month." He squeezed your hands the same way had John had. With the exact same intensity and promise. "Just let me try again. I won't let you down this time. I'll put in the work."
"I don't want you to feel like you have to work to make this relationship work, Kyle." You protest, wanting to pull your hands away. Free from the spell his touch had seem to be putting you under.
He smiled. Not enough to show off his teeth, but enough where have of his face lifted up. "It's not the type of work with long hours and a shit commute. Loving you is the same kind of work an artist puts into making a masterpiece. Pouring everything into it and getting something beautiful in return."
Before you could comprehend it, your face was wet. "Kyle." Your lips quivered, a sob threatening to come out. "I never felt like I needed to spend time with you, Ky." You sniffled. "I fucking wanted to. I missed you." You were so close. You needed to reel it in. Get it together.
"I just didn't understand how you could." His confession broke any restraint you had. Your hand flew to your mouth, trying to subdue your cries. When Kyle pulled you to his chest, his arms wrapping around you, you allowed yourself to crumble.
Not even for yourself, but for him.
For the kind heart you now knew broke with every sideways glance from passer-byes. For the hateful and prejudice world you lived in and for how they could overlook such a wonderful man just because of something as basic as the color of his skin.
You weren't sure how long you stood crying. You weren't certain if the knock on the door behind him actually happened or something your mind had conjured to try and pull you from your fit.
Eventually you did pull away from him. Your face covered in snot and tears. Seeing that you still were in need of it, Kyle pulled you back to him, only this time your face wasn't buried into his shirt.
You stood there. His arms wrapped around your back while yours found their home around his waist.
"I used to love when you would come back to my place directly from base as soon as you got back from a deployment." You said, breaking the silence. "I would be waiting like a kid on Christmas waiting to see what trinket made you think of me. You made me feel like even though we were so far away, you still thought about me."
"Always." He said, before his lips pressed against the top of your head. "Not a day I didn't miss being here with you."
The two of you eventually settled down on the couch. Both on opposite ends with a hot cup of tea in your hands and the array of take out containers half empty. You had planned for a night of eating your feelings so there was luckily enough food for two.
"I don't want to say no." You admitted. "But I need time. Before I even think about saying yes to all of this again."
"Not all of this," he reminded. "Just me. I'm doing my part in groveling, let the others figure it out. Or at least that's just what Price told us. Although you would be doing all of us a favor if you talked to Johnny?" Your ears perked up. You hadn't seen or heard from Johnny since Friday.
"What's wrong with Johnny?" You asked.
"Lad didn't cope well with you going on your date." Not that you had fucked him and said it was a mistake.... or maybe he kept that tidbit to himsle.f
"It wasn't a-" you started.
"I know," he said. "Simon happened to be nearby." You shot him a look, letting him know you weren't buying that lie, before he continued. "But he didn't. Fuck you're lucky we were able to drag him out of your apartment before you got back and he made an even bigger fool of himself."
"What are you talking about?" You asked. "What do you mean by drag?"
"Johnny called Simon. Told him you were on a date and to bring your ass back. Although you had made it a point to fuck him and leave-- absolutely no judgement, by the way-- he was going to make it a point to never leave your bed."
"My top sheet..." You had come home to your comforters and pillows on the floor. When making up your bed, the top sheet was missing. You had just assumed you didn't put it on or maybe it was in the wash.
"Refused to put his clothes back on. Me and John couldn't risk carrying a naked, screaming Scot through the streets without making a spectical. So we rolled him up and carried him of like a rug. A very heavy, squirmy rug."
"Oh," your hand flew to your chest. "Johnny." He was the bleeding heart of the group so you weren't exactly surprised. He was also the one who blew up shit, so he was definitely one for dramatics. "So that's how Simon figured out about dinner. But the drinks-"
"Whenever Simon is home, he's your shadow. The only time we don't worry about you is when we know he's with you." That made you roll your eyes.
"You act like he's my guard dog."
"He is."
"Is not." You defended, your conversation from Saturday night coming back to you.
"You're not my body guard, Simon." You snapped.
"Not trying to be," he said. "I was never trying to be."
"He's not." you said again.
"You're right." Kyle relented, shrugging his fucking shoulders.
"You're saying that like you're just not trying to argue with me." He took a sip of your tea. "Kyle!" He sighed before looking at you as if the last thing he wanted to do was continue on the subject.
"He is." He said. "Your guard dog."
"I mean he protects me, but all of you do." He shakes his head, a huff of air going out of his nose, almost amused.
"Not like Simon." He admits it almost as if he were ashamed. "I want to say something." He said it as if he were preparing you for the next words to come out of his mouth would change the course of the night. "I need to say it because it would make me less of a man and even less of a friend if I didn't. But I don't want you to hate me or yourself for it."
Why would you hate yourself for it?
"Fine." you agreed, giving him permission to continue. "I won't hold it against you."
"You were always the one to coordinate things to do. One-on-one dates. Helping John with paperwork when shit got to crazy and you were the only one the uptight asshole would let touch his files." You gave a small smile remembering how John had barked at a recruit to get the fuck out of his office before peppering you with kisses at your arrival. Giving small pecks of appreciation as he explained what he needed you to do and how to do it.
"Helping me after my shoulder injury and staying on my ass about the physical therapy."
"Well someone had to." You countered.
"This past Christmas when Johnny needed to get his sisters gifts so you made a whole day out of it going to see lights and ice skating." Johnny was the proud owner of a freshly bruised tailbone after landing flat on his ass and swearing off skating for the rest of his life. Feckin' ice.
"Okay?" You asked, not really sure where Kyle was headed for this. He had pointed out what a good girlfriend you were, had been. How you had always tried to be helpful and do whatever needed to help your boys out.
He stopped. He looked at you as if he were debating to tell you what he had warned you about. He looked down at the floor before taking his bottom lip in between his teeth.
"Fuck." He muttered.
"Spit it out, Kyle!" You whined, now clueless to what point he was trying to make by all the examples of what a good girlfriend you had been.
He looked at you with the same solemness that a friend looked at another friend before having to call them out on their shit, knowing that the pill they were about to be given would be a hard one to swallow.
"You never did that with Simon."
#simon ghost riley#call of duty#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#angst#john soap mactavish#angst with a happy ending#grovel
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