#just thinking about my roommate again

[fleshengine]

You click the button and hang up. Dead air fills the car, silent as we rumble down the freeway. A minute later you remember and go to plug your phone back in to get the music going to push back those thoughts another half hour until we get home and you can decompose in your room. Before you can hit spotify I poke the button to turn off my little Fiat's stereo. As you start to react,

"You know it's not your fault right?" I say, more as a statement than a question.

"What?"

"It's not your fault, what was done to you, what IS done to you every time you answer your mom." There's an edge to my voice that you haven't really ever heard before in our year of living together and years of being friends. Something almost mean stirs in me.

"Yeah I know, can we turn the mu-"

"I don't think you do dude." I interupt you, I feel terrible about it later. "I think you've convinced yourself that you do these things of your own free will."

"Look, let's talk about this later I'm tired."

"No, if I wait any longer I'll lose my nerve." It's true, I've thought about having this conversation a half dozen times this week alone. "I can't put up with it anymore."

"You don't have to put up with anything, I'm not asking you to."

"I care about you." My voice breaks, I pause, you see something there, a glint behind my eye, I'm holding so much back. "I care about you okay, and I can't take seeing the way that you look after she calls you, or when you ask me to come pick you up from her house."

"You don't have to pick me up..."

"Someone does! Someone has to help get you out of there when you finally can't take it. I don't care about how long the drive is, I care that I can't get there immediately. I know you don't like people feeling responsible for you and that you're your own person and all that but I do. I do feel responsible for you. I feel responsible because as far as I know there isn't anyone else who will wake you up on time for classes in the morning, who will cook you breakfast, who will hold you when you finally convince your mom to let you hang up the phone, when you ask for a ride home after things go south up at her house."

My fingers grip the wheel, only breaking to wipe tears from my eyes. The freeway extends before us, thousands of cars between us and home. The car trundles over a rougher section of pavement as we sit in silence. You don't know what to say, scared from me raising my voice. I'm afraid to keep talking, having run out of the scripts I wrote to myself in the shower.

"Look dude, I feel responsible for you because you have like the same problems I did years ago. I want to help you, in every single way I can because I'm probably not going to be there for you much longer. We've got a year left before I have to try and get my life together and you follow A to their medschool."

"I've gotta step up now because I don't know who will have the time or energy in your future. You'll have them, but med students are notoriously busy. I need you to know that there's love in the world outside romantic partners. Because I love you. I love you and I want to help you fix your problems before you move away and stop talking to me forever. I won't be able to manage if all I get is an update about how terrible your life is every six months."

I've run out of steam. The car's gas gauge ticks down another pip. A chevy merges ahead of us without signalling. I tap the brakes and sigh heavily. It's my normal heavy sigh, you used to ask me if something was wrong every time I did that sigh and every time I told you everything was fine and I just make that noise sometimes. I've since learned it's a self soothing method.

"We can turn on the music, we don't have to keep talking but like... I love you dude, you're one of my best friends and I couldn't ask for a better roommate. Please let me help you in a way that matters one of these days."

I click the button on the stereo, and your phone starts in the middle of a Chappel Roan song. I watch the road, you watch your phone. I get us home, we cry in our rooms.

[jojo-schmo]

I wish I could tell the original artist that this drawing permanently changed the entire direction of my life in 2009. I want to shake their hand, look them in the eye, and admit I would not be who I am today if this drawing didn’t exist.

EDIT: Original artist is @ivynajspyder !!!!

[choccy-milky]

A few months back, I asked if it was okay to write using Clora and Seb. Finished the work - thought I'd lost it on my hard drive and a virus scan located it.

Not sure if it's sad or happy, but the basic premise of it is Clora getting frustrated/upset at Sebastian and Sebastian comforting her, Sebastian getting upset at a predicament Clora's in and Clora comforting him, and them both getting frustrated/upset and having to comfort each other.

If you'd rather I didn't post it, that's fine too, but just wanted to test the waters and double check that you'd be okay with it if I gifted it to you via AO3, or see if you wanted a sneak peak of it before posting it.

OMG im so happy you were able to find it and recover the work you did!!😭🙏 AND YES OF COURSE YOU CAN POST IT AAA I CANT WAIT TO READ IT!! you can DM it to me first if you want, but i also dont mind if you post it straight away on ao3!! IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SM AAARGHHHA💖💖💖IT SOUNDS ANGSTY WE LOVE THE HURT/COMFORT I HOPE MY HEART CAN HANDLE IT🥺💖💖TY AGAIN FOR USING CLORA AND SEB AND TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THEM😭

@sunshine-goblin AAA THANK YOU!!! im honoured its your fav fanfic AND ALSO THE LONGEST YOUVE READ BAHAHAA fr, when you say its as long as four books in lotr it rly makes me realize how insane i am😃👍 aw IM GLAD I COULD INSPIRE YOU TO DRAW MORE AND WRITE AS WELL😭 I was curious so i creeped you and everyone go look at their HL blog @sunshines-legacy your MC is so cute and so is your art🥹💖 as for tips on writing a longfic and brainstorming and motivation and stuff, my motivation was my brainrot and unhappiness with the canon story/ending LMAOO, and looking at the story of the game and playing around with what i was unhappy with/what i WISHED could have happened instead, was a lot easier than just coming up with plotlines from scratch. but something i highly recommend is just OUTLINING and making a timeline, one of my fav parts of writing was just putting on some cafe ambience in the background and doing stream of conscious type word documents where id just barf ideas and then worry about making it pretty later....like look at how many versions of the same chapter i have BAHAHA or like different renditions bc i couldnt decide if id wanna keep a scene/what order, so id make a timeline and keep smoothing things out until i was happy with it and whatnot

brainstorming is defs my fav part of the process and the most helpful part to me. just getting a blank document and writing stuff you want to happen without worrying about how it connects to the story, and then a lot of the times as i was doing that id just keep going and it would kinda tie itself together/id come up with a solution as i was writing / once the ideas kept flowing. so basically : TIMELINES AND OUTLINES I VERY MUCH RECOMMEND, but very low pressure and barebones ones. for example, this is what my outlines/brainstorming look like

its honestly just me talking to myself LMAO, and a lot of the time ill interject and be like "OH YEAH AND THEN THIS CAN HAPPEN" as the ideas come while im writing BAHAHA. its a super fun process and honestly nothing feels better than just getting hit with that flash of inspo, and since its all very low effort theres no pressure to actually write well and its just a chill fun time AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR OWN PROCESS / WRITING💖💖💖it can be difficult but HOPE U HAVE FUN TOO💖💖

@a-little-lysdexic WAIT REALLY?? LMFAOO OMG THATS CRAZY....SAME BRAIN...🤝🤝...that would trip me up so much if i were you omg BAHHAHA but aside from having similar tastes in names, IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY ART AS WELL, TYY💖💖💖

THANK YOUUU im glad you're liking it!!! and that its taking over your life BAHAHA💖💖 the video you're thinking of was by @silverxstardust for chapter 13 of my fic, and you can watch the video here! (AND TY AGAIN TO SILVERXSTARDUST FOR DOING THIS!)

[riisume]

Today was an absolute dumpster fire at home. I can't wait for my roommate's ex to move out after what happened today holy shit...

I don't have many people on my shit list, but after today, she's definitely on there. The audacity of her saying some of the shit she said to me-

I wish I could go back to NYC and stay with my parents for a month or two and visit homies... but I don't want to give her that power.

[whitepeachrum]

For Me? For You

Fandom: Hetalia (personified) Pairing: Ivan x Kiku (RusPan/PanRus) Content Length: Short (~800 words)

It was the middle of the night when a loud set of knocks jolted Kiku from his sleep. What time was it..? He looked around in a daze, slowly computing that he had fallen asleep in his bed while reading one of his history textbooks for a class.

Kiku quickly got up and walked over to the door. He slowly peeked around the edge of it, making sure that the sudden change in brightness didn't give him a migraine.

“Yes?” Kiku asked, curious as to which floor resident needed him at this hour.

One of the taller residents, who often kept to himself, was standing before him. Kiku adjusted his large spectacles, trying to get a better look. What was his name again? Bra- Bruh-

“Ivan! Yes, Ivan. Is everything alright?”

“I apologize for bothering you at this hour,” Ivan smiled. He just stood there and smiled.

“How… can I help you?”

Ivan gestured for Kiku to open his door a bit more. Kiku obliged in confusion, but did not open it far enough to wake up his sleeping roommate. Not that anything could wake him up, really…

“This is for you,” Ivan picked up a bag he had earlier placed by the door and handed it to Kiku. It looked like there was a box inside.

“Eh? For me?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?” Kiku gingerly accepted the gift and looked inside the bag, making sure that there was nothing illegal inside. Many people have previously offered bribes in exchange for special treatment, but it never worked out in their favor.

“I heard you are a fan of cheesecake.”

Kiku blinked. Cheesecake? He loved cheesecake! Especially the ones with-

“Blueberries. I love the ones with blueberries.” Kiku admired the contents of the box with a glimmer in his eyes and a sudden appetite for a sweet treat. It would go splendidly with some tea, which would be perfect for a chilly night like tonight.

“Good, I am glad. Then you should definitely like this one,” Ivan continued to smile, happy that his secret little birdie did not lead him astray to strawberry cheesecake. Strawberry seemed a bit too cliche for a unique man like Kiku.

“Wow,” Kiku was entranced by the special gift. In fact, he was pleasantly surprised to have received something that wasn't illicit.

“It’s all for you.”

“Thank you. I….” Kiku blinked, “I didn't expect this at all. It almost seems too good to be true.”

“Please enjoy it. It's my treat.”

“Did… you want something in return..?”

“No, no. I don't need anything. Your happiness is more than enough,” Ivan turned to leave.

“Ah, wait. Ivan?”

“Hm?” Ivan stopped and looked around the corner at Kiku.

“Where did you find this?”

“Oh. I made it myself,” Ivan smiled one last time and disappeared into the stairwell.

He made it… himself?

Kiku closed the door behind him and brought his gift over to his desk. He carefully and quietly took the box out from the paper bag and set it down. It was so neatly packaged: a simple white box with no decorations other than a golden bow that wrapped around it and a folded business card.

He slid the card from under the ribbon and read it's contents.

“Happy Birthday, Kiku. - From, Ivan”

Kiku felt his heart skip a beat as he re-read the contents again. A simple note and yet it brought out the warmest feelings from within. How thoughtful was it of Ivan to even care enough to do all this?

Especially since he and Ivan haven't spoken much except the occasional “hello”s in the hallway. In fact, this was probably the most they’d ever spoken with one another.

But Kiku found it wasn't enough. He wanted to ask Ivan more questions like “how did he know that it was Kiku’s birthday” or rather “why he did any of this for him”. And it seemed like the further Ivan walked away, the more his desire to connect with him grew.

He noticed the phone number listed on the card and gave it a call, walking over to the window to see if he had gone far.

Ivan pulled his hand out of his pocket and answered the call.

“This is Ivan speaking. How can I help you?”

“Thank you again…”

Ivan stopped in his tracks as he recognized the voice. He turned around to look at Kiku’s window and found him staring back. Ivan's smile grew wider as he laid eyes on Kiku’s creepy-looking silhouette in the dead of the night. It looked hilariously eerie, but it was heartwarming to know he was there looking back at him.

“You’re welcome.” Ivan chuckled, his breath forming a cloud in the cold, dark night.

“Let’s enjoy the cake together when you come back. I’ll make some warm tea for us.”

“Sounds like a birthday party to me.”

[lesbiansanemi]

Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb

[salty-software-engineer]

Man I just finished Babel and I was excited to read discussions online because there's so much going on in it with so many little things and just....angry white people. Everywhere. Truly a dead dove moment.

[heyclickadee]

One part of “Aftermath” I don’t think I’ll ever get over is that Hunter, Wrecker, Echo, Tech, and Omega were on their way to get Crosshair when Crosshair walked into that hangar. The way we talk about it in the fandom is as though they left Crosshair behind in that first episode so they could rescue Omega, as though they traded him for her, but that’s. Not. What. Happened.

They go back to Kamino to grab Omega despite the risk, because they think she belongs with them, yes, but also because they’re still confident. They haven’t failed a mission yet. And —and this is important—because she said she wanted to go with them, and they take that into account.

And, of course, they immediately get captured, taken to the brig, they find Omega, Crosshair fires off about following orders—his new favorite hobby that he only picked up in the last week(1)—the guards come to take Crosshair away, and Hunter puts himself between Crosshair and the guards and says No. Absolutely not. We stay together, we’re a set, do not separate, and then—

—Crosshair gets up and leaves. And the rest of the batch probably doesn’t fully understand why.

Now, I personally think that Crosshair’s decision to leave was multifaceted. I do think the chip programming had something to do with it. It’s telling him that Hunter’s made bad call after bad call since Kaller, and that the smart thing to do would be to just comply with whatever the empire wants. He’s also deeply frustrated with the rest of his squad, though he probably doesn’t know why he suddenly disagrees with them so much. And I also think that Crosshair didn’t want anyone else in his family to get hurt. He’s got his hackles raised and he’s ready to pounce when that one guard hits Hunter in the gut; he knows that they’re going to take him one way or another, so best to do it in a way that doesn’t end with the rest of his squad getting shot. All of that is in play in Crosshair’s decision to get up and go with the guards willingly, but all the rest of the batch knows is that he does it.

It’s even possible that their initial read on Crosshair’s decision is mostly in line with the last thing I listed—that Crosshair does it to keep the rest of them from getting hurt. It’s also possible that their read on it was that Crosshair was upset. But it probably doesn’t matter. The first thing—the first thing out of Hunter’s mouth when they break out of the brig is, “We need to find out where they took Crosshair.” The only reason they go to the hangar at all is to grab their gear so they have a better chance of getting him without dying on the way. They suit up, Hunter tells Tech to get the ship ready for a speedy getaway, and no sooner does he add that the rest of them are going to get Crosshair that Crosshair walks in. When Crosshair walks in—what he sees of them, and what they see of him informs every single interaction they have through the rest of the series.

First, what they see of him. Crosshair’s chip is activated. He’s just been electroshocked into submission and had that chip’s programming ramped up to twenty. He’s not in control of his thoughts or actions, but the only two people who have any inkling that that’s the case are Tech, who’s powering up the ship and not in the room, and Omega, who is a Child and about to be shot at for the first time in her life. The rest of them have no idea. All they know is that Crosshair is standing there wearing a new set of armor, leading a new squad, with a new rank, telling them to stand down and looking oh so pleased with himself as he clarifies that that is, in fact, an order. At the time, while Crosshair is monologuing about how they need to come quietly and how Hunter can’t see the bigger picture, it must look to them like the reason Crosshair left in that earlier scene was because he wanted to leave the squad. We, the audience, know that’s not true, but the rest of the batch doesn’t, especially given what they’re seeing at the time.

And then Crosshair starts shooting. It looks to them like he’s trying to kill them, and its not just empty. As much as Crosshair surely doesn’t want to, as much as Crosshair probably hates himself for this later on when he’s more in control, he shoots Wrecker. And unlike earlier in the episode, when Wrecker got shot during the battle simulation, Wrecker isn’t able to eventually get back up and keep fighting. Wrecker’s down. It’s all Hunter and Echo can do to just drag him onto the ship, and the only reason they even manage that is because Omega manages to shoot Crosshair’s rifle out of his hand; they don’t have the manpower to subdue Crosshair and drag him on board as well, not without potentially getting themselves or Crosshair (or Wrecker) killed. They don’t leave Crosshair behind for Omega’s sake or because they got in one argument and wrote him off here. They leave him because, in that moment, it looks for all the world like Crosshair does not want to go with them, like he suddenly wants them dead or captured, and they’re just trying to get out of there alive.

And what he sees of them…gah. There’s a split second, blink-and-you-miss-it moment when Crosshair first walks in, sees them, and he looks terrified. He knows what he’s about to do, and he hates it, and he probably doesn’t know WHY he hates it, because his programming has to be screaming at him that what he’s about to do is right. Good soldiers follow orders. But the part of Crosshair that’s still himself, the part that’s still aware, still able to differentiate his own mind from the chip’s programming here in the early days after order 66, that part is yelling back that he doesn’t want to hurt them, but he can’t stop it. He doesn’t have that capacity. And that has to rip him apart here. The things he must have had to tell himself later just to cope.

But also—what he sees when he walks in? He sees the Marauder powering up. He sees everyone suiting up and grabbing their gear. He has to think—the thought has to cross his mind—that they’re leaving without him. And they’re not, they were literally on their way to rescue him, that was the next move, that was the plan, the only reason they don’t go through with it is because he walks in, starts shooting, and Wrecker almost dies, but Crosshair doesn’t know that. He wasn’t there to hear Hunter say that was the plan, no more than the rest of the batch was there so see what Nala Se and Tarkin did to him.

The worst part? None of them know about the parts they missed yet(2). Hunter, Wrecker, Echo, Tech, and Omega still don’t know what happened to Crosshair after the guards took him away. Crosshair still doesn’t know the others were coming for him. And I’m really curious about what’s going to happen if, and maybe when, they all get that context.

1. “Aftermath” takes place over at least several days, meaning Crosshair’s chip has been partially active and working its way into his thought processes the entire time.

2. I also think that part of the reason why things between Hunter and Crosshair are so broken is not because either (or neither) of them is willing to see things from the other’s point of view, but because both of them understands the other’s point of view a little too well, but in a way that lacks necessary context. Hunter probably understands that Crosshair has every reason to hate him, every reason to feel bitter and betrayed, and, honestly, Hunter probably agrees with Crosshair in that regard, and hates himself because of it. But Hunter also doesn’t know that Crosshair was never trying to kill them of his own free will and that he was therefore never bitter enough to actually want to hurt them. And Crosshair probably completely understands that Hunter has every reason to distrust him and to have completely given up hope that he might come home, and he probably hates himself for everything the chip made him do. But Crosshair doesn’t know that his family was, in fact, coming back for him and that Hunter is furious with himself for having left Crosshair behind. If they both ever had those gaps filled in they’d maybe both realize that, for all their hurt and misunderstanding, neither of them has ever hated the other. I desperately need them to sit down and talk. And then hug. And to break down weeping. Give me that catharsis I am BEGGING THIS DAMN SHOW.

[fisherrprince]

I Have The Imgredients For Takoyaki

[mildmayfoxe]

sooo crazy to me that as far as i can tell THREE people were home all day yesterday but i still came home to overflowing trash overflowing recycling overflowing sink of dirty dishes and an untouched clean dishwasher. like this is not a frat house. this is pathetic

[random-kido]

Project discovered

[125storejuice]

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[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Sonic fandom when Knuckles has an entire epiphany montage where he calls the Whipple family his home: I mean. This could mean anything. Maybe Wade and Knuckles are good friends. Maybe Knuckles is friends with them.

Sonic fandom when Maddie tells a construction worker that the damage Knuckles did was done by her "big kid" so as to not admit that she has alien anthropomorphic animal teenagers living in her house, and then follows that up by calling Knuckles by "our big red friend" to Sonic, with all of this happening after Sonic says he considers Knuckles to be his roommate: OMG Knuckles series confirmed Knuckles Wachowski CANON I cannot believe we won!! He's her kid this is his home he's Sonic's brother!! After the show he gets back to the Wachowski household and gets in sooo much trouble cause Maddie is his mom

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Okay time for me to 🥰 in the tags real quick lmao

[roseworth]

one time like a year ago a giant hornet (?) got into my apartment and i managed to get it out the door but then an hour later it was somehow back in?? and i don’t even live in that apartment anymore but it haunts me to this day because i still don’t know how it got in either time and i never will

[sepiasys]

Idk if it's bc I'm like NOT suffering the horrors or if my state of being is why or whatever, but man. I've really been being a yapper, huh?

I say this in reference to my social life lmao