#just texted my family that my boyfriend is now using a new and more masculine name

[poor-boy-orpheus]

.

[sodasback]

Ex BF - Part 2

Drew Starkey x Reader

Part 1

You guys, I changed my mind, this one just works so much better as a Drew Starkey fic ...so fuck it, I’m just gonna post what I had on my deactivated blog. 

It had been months since you ran into Josh on set at Drew’s work. Luckily, Drew was only in a couple scenes for that project and he only worked on that show one more day without running into Josh. Now, you, Drew and a lot of the Outer Banks crew were all in LA again and going out to a bar.

Unfortunately for you, and everyone that night, Josh and his friends were at the same bar.

“Oh hey, it’s y/n and her movie star boyfriend, Andrew.” Josh said as he appeared next to you and drunkenly leaned an arm on your shoulder. If looks could kill, the look on Drew’s face would have for sure been the death of Josh. It was a mixture of shock and rage at the audacity of this guy. Drew was so taken aback, he didn’t know how to react.

You uncomfortably chuckled and squirmed out from under Josh’s arm to stand in front of Drew quickly, not knowing if Drew’s truly calm nature could be tested any further. “Mhmm, great to see you Josh.” You stated dismissively.

Your effort to separate them was lost as Drew instantly and easily maneuvered you behind him protectively. You turned for the bar as quickly as possible, hoping to end the situation there, so you grabbed Drew’s hand to pull him along with you.

“Aww, y/n/n, you’re not gonna stay and let me get to know your little boyfriend?”

You felt dead weight behind you as you tried to pull Drew away. 

“Bro, I’m telling you right now, back the fuck off.” Drew stated. You whirled around to get in front of him, as Josh took a step forward and titled his chin up, “Or what?”

You put your hands on Drew’s chest. He easily looked over your head to continue glaring at Josh.

“Drew” you said sternly. He glanced down at you for a second, before looking back up at Josh. Josh smirked and waited to see what Drew was gonna do. “He’s not worth it. Trust me.” You said. Drew looked down at you and softened. 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder an you wrapped both arms around his waist to walk to the bar. 

“You know, as hot as you are when you get all scary like that. I really really don’t want you getting in a fight because I have an absolutely horrible ex boyfriend.” 

You emphasized the first part of this sentence, but Drew just gave you a deadpan stare. He knew you were trying to flirt with him to get him to relax. And you knew it was too late at this point. As evolved and emotionally intelligent as Drew was, he had now entered caveman mode. Josh challenging him because of you triggered instincts deep within him to meet that challenge aka defending your honor. ...1 point toxic masculinity, 0 points non-violent female empowerment.

At this point in your life, you were happy. You had everything you wanted in your career. You had a beautiful apartment. Your family was healthy. You had the best friends you could ask for. And of course, you had Drew. Drew was the one. He was your soulmate. Your best friend. And you knew it. You didn’t feel the need to put Josh in his place any more. You just wanted to keep enjoying your life. You had time to make peace with what Josh did to you and you felt like you moved past it and him. Yeah, you felt like you were past it, you tried to convince yourself. It had been years since the incident happened and you and Josh broke up...

Flashback

You and Josh were 20 and had been on and off for a couple years. One night, you had both been out, when you started fighting, something that wasn’t new to your relationship. Josh had been flirting with another girl a lot of the night and gaslighting you to make you feel like you were imagining it. As you brought up the flirting again, he was reaching for his car keys. You were pissed that he was using this tactic again. He would leave until you calmed down and started to worry about him so much that you would just finally give in and forget the fight, instead of holding him accountable. You were so mad at him for making you feel like you were crazy and for always manipulating you by leaving. You couldn’t stop the words from coming out of your mouth, “Sure, just leave again. Fucking typical, Josh. Like father, like son, I guess.”

And before you could even process what happened, the whole right side of your face was stinging, a cut near eye was bleeding from his ring and your ears were ringing. Josh had just backhanded you hard. Time stood still for a moment as your hand went to cradle your cheek. You were absolutely shocked.

“Oh fuck. You okay?” 

You finally looked up at him with an unreadable expression on your face. “..don’t make this a big deal, okay? That was a really shitty thing to say and you just made me so mad, I couldn’t help i-” At that point, you stormed into the bedroom and locked the door. He now was faced with you being upset and maybe even losing you; he started knocking on the door and apologizing profusely after realizing your reaction. You were completely blocking out all the noise coming from the other side of the door as you tried to gather your thoughts. 

Okay, that was a really low blow. Yeah, but he HIT you.

I definitely shouldn’t have said that. But he HIT you.

Maybe I deserved it. No, he HIT you. You continued to argue with yourself.

What would you tell your y/bff’s/n if this happened to her?

What would your mom or dad tell you right now?

If he did it once, he could do it again.

...this isn’t the first time you’ve been scared of him.

...but he seems genuinely really sorry.

You opened the door to find Josh sitting on the ground leaning against the wall. He looked at you scared and hopeful, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry for what I said. It was really unfair and hurtful of me.” You stated genuinely.

Relief washed over his face for a second, “I’m so sorry baby. I swear that will never happen again.” He said, as he got up and he started to make his way to hug you. 

“Yeah, I know it will never happen again...” you held your hand out to stop him from touching you, confusion now evident in his expression, “because we’re done.”

His face dropped, expression now being somewhere between confused, angry and disappointed. Josh wasn’t used to you putting up boundaries and not letting him get away with all the shit he pulled. “Y/N-” he started. 

“No.” You said adamantly, “Frankly, I don’t care how sorry you are. I don’t care how much I pissed you off. I don’t care how much you promise that will never happen again. Our relationship was toxic before what just happened. I know I’m not perfect and I have a lot of things to work on. But I 1000% know in my bones, that I WILL NEVER let you hit me again. I deserve better. We’re done. I’m going to my parents’ house. I’m coming back tomorrow between 10 and 2 to get my stuff. Don’t be here.”

A couple months later, you had a text from an unknown number. It was Josh borrowing a friend’s phone to text you, since you blocked any way he had to contact you. He apologized. He held himself accountable. There was no deflecting or manipulating in the message and he promised he would never contact you again. You replied: “Thank you for your apology. Yes, I’d appreciate it if you don’t contact me again.”

And that was it. You ran into him briefly at the grocery store once and you had been in a really good mood. Your interaction was light and almost flirty. You felt so ashamed about it later, but you hadn’t seen or heard from Josh again until years later, with Drew on set. And little did you know, seeing you with Drew set something off in Josh that he just couldn’t let go.

-

As you stood at the bar, waiting for the bartender’s attention, you turned to see the caveman version of your gorgeous boyfriend still glaring, his fists clenching and unclenching.

“Babe.” You said and he looked at you.

“He’s got fuckin nerve.” He said shaking his head and you took a deep breath ready for the rant, “First off, called me a movie star. I am a serious actor, Y/N.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at Drew being offended anything this asshole said and Drew’s eyes widened at you and you stifled a giggle while you laced your hands around his neck to appease him, “Mhmm” you encouraged. 

“And then he called me ‘Andrew’“ Drew went on. And you nodded and gave him a sympathetic pout, “I know, I heard.”

“And THEN, he has the AUDACITY to put his fucking arm around you?! Bro, I’m heateddddd-” He continued, barely paying attention to you as you leaned your body against his. You ignored the fact that he just called you bro and tried a different tact. 

“Drew, stop. You can’t get into a bar fight. Think about your job.”

“I don’t care about my job. I care about you.”

“That’s not true. You do care about your job. And I know you care about me. But if you get into a fight right now, it’s not gonna change what he did to me. It was a long time ago. We’re not together anymore. I’m over it. Punching him is not gonna do anything except jeopardize your future.”

Drew still had his fight face on, “Well, knocking that smirk off his fucking face would sure make me feel better.” He said and you scowled at him. “And for the record, I don’t think you’re over it. And you don’t have to be. You never have to be over it. And that doesn’t mean you aren’t fucking strong and badass.” 

You were quiet as you contemplated what Drew said. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before looking at you. “Okay” he said softly. 

 “Thank you” you said softly before you pulled him down to kiss him. After a minute of you successfully distracting him with a pretty passionate slow kiss, you felt Drew melt a little. 

“Hey, I’m sorry. Do you want to leave? Like do you not feel like being out anymore?” He asked sweetly.

“No, I’m okay. He’s just being a drunk asshole.” You turned away to grab the drinks the bartender poured for you and Drew, “We probably won’t even see him for the rest of the night.” 

You turned back and realized caveman Drew was now glaring at Josh again as you spoke, “..or not.” You rolled your eyes.

Despite the bad beginning, you and your friends ended up having fun as the night went on. And you and Drew proceeded to drink. Which was probably not the smartest decision. You were both feistier when you drank and you knew Drew’s natural state of calmness was only going to wear off as the night went on.

Eventually, you had to go to the bathroom. But you didn’t trust Josh to not instigate something with Drew while you were gone and you didn’t trust Drew to not try and avenge your honor while you were gone either. So you found Austin, Chase and JD. Chase and JD were only half-listening as they watched whatever game was on the tvs at the semi-crowded bar. 

“Guys, I need you to watch Drew while I go pee.” You said. Drew rolled his eyes and hung his head back with a groan.

“What’s the rig?” Austin asked, ironically using his favorite word as he put one arm on your shoulder and the other on Drew’s.

“Drew is trying to fight my ex-boyfriend and you need to stop him from ruining his career and/or going to jail for assault.” You looked at Drew as you finished your sentence remind him that he could get in serious trouble for getting in a fight. Drew scoffed as Austin looked to him for confirmation of what you were saying.

“He called me a movie star dude” Drew said.

“Oooff” Austin agreed that this was a major dig.

“And then he called me ‘Andrew’“

“Ahhh man” Austin commiserated, “This kid deserves to get hit for sure.”

“Austin!” You scolded, “You are not helping!”

“Bro, that’s not even half of it. Like what he did to Y/N; he deserves to get the absolute shit beat out of him, I promise you-”

“Okay, stop! We’re not discussing this. Chase, JD, you are in charge of Drew. Keep him occupied while I go pee and don’t let him ruin his entire life by getting in a stupid bar fight. And Austin, stop encouraging him and keep your mouth shut til I get back please!” You commanded, as you pushed Drew and Austin toward Chase and JD. JD gave you a salute while he put his arm around Drew’s shoulders. 

While you were gone, Drew was drunk and spilling all your business, trying to get all 3, also drunk, boys on his side. “Guys, you don’t even know. This guy is the biggest asshole.”

“Wait, is he really? Or do you just not like him because he’s y/n’s ex?” JD asked.

“No dude. First of all, he like cheated on her a bunch of times; he was super manipulative and .. he fucking hit her once dude.”

The all looked at each other, “What the fuck?!”

“Like hit her?”

“Yeahhhhhh, like physically hit her face.”

“Well you are completely justified, brother.”

“Yeah, we have your back man, whatever happens.” They all nodded and broke out of their little huddle.

“Look! No fighting!” Chase said proudly when you got back, opening up his arms.

“Good job Chase. Gold star” You said returning his quick side hug.

The group decided it was time to go to one more bar, so you all walked out the back ext into a big alley. Where, of course, Josh and his friends were smoking and noticed your crew before you noticed them.

“You think her movie star boyfriend knows what an uptight little prude she used to be?” Josh said to his friend loud enough for you to hear. You honestly didn’t even care about what Josh said, you knew he was trying to get Drew to react. And you knew even your sweet, soft Drew was not immune to anger getting the best of him. Drew stopped walking, still slightly turned away from Josh and just shook his head, not believing Josh’s audacity. 

Even though the guys had been supportive when they were talking to Drew about fighting Josh, no one actually wanted that to happen. So Austin was quickly by Drew’s side, “Don’t do it bro. It’s not worth it.”

“Drew.” You said trying, to get him to focus on you. Unfortunately, you were with a group of boys full of testosterone and Chase was also feeling feisty and protective. 

“Hey, why don’t you shut the fuck up bro” Chase said, taking a step toward Josh, but luckily a level-headed JD was immediately pushing Chase softly backward. 

“Ooh maybe, she’s not such a prude anymore. Maybe she’s sleeping with the whole cast; they’re all so protective of her.” Josh laughed.

“Josh stop! What the fuck is wrong with you?” You yelled at him. And Drew was instantly moving in front of you, “You need to stop talking right now man.” Drew said in a tone that made the hair on your arms stand up. You could feel the tension rolling off Drew.

“Drew calm down. Please.” You pleaded as he looked down at you.

“Y/n, I can’t let him talk about you that way.”

“He’s trying to get under your skin. That’s what he wants.”

“Yeah, well it’s fucking working.”

“Drew, come on. Let’s just go home.” He began to give in as you pulled his arm. 

Josh was obviously determined for a fight, because the next thing that came out of his mouth made it impossible for anyone to stop Drew.

“Hey good luck with y/n, man. I treated her like trash for years and she still came running back to me, bitch has got issu-” And before he could utter another word, Drew’s fist connected with his jaw. 

“Fuck.” You cursed as your hands went through your hair and you backed up between Austin, Chase and JD.

Josh recovered and hit Drew in the eye. 

You gasped. Turning into JD’s chest and he protectively wrapped his arms around you. Drew hit Josh again and he fell to the ground. Drew bent over him and punched him again. “Don’t you ever fucking talk about her again!” He yelled through gritted teeth, “Don’t look at her again. And if you EVER touch her again, I swear to God-” he spat in between a few more punches. 

“Drew! Please!” You yelled and finally Austin pulled him back. “That’s enough, bro.” 

“Come on” JD still had his arms around you, walking you away from everything. 

Drew was breathing heavy and trying to overcome his adrenaline. You and JD were already around the corner with most of the group. 

“Come on, let’s go” Chase ushered Drew away with Austin. And they followed in the same direction. Drew saw you walking ahead of him. 

“Y/N” he called after you softly. You stopped and turned around. He was already right there enveloping you in his arms. 

“Fuck y/n. I’m so sorry.” He muttered kissing the top of your head. You just kept holding each other while the group called Ubers. 

You pulled away from him a little, “Are you okay?” You asked trying to get a look at the bruise forming on his face. “Yeah, baby. I’m fine. I’m so sorry I did that. I’m sorry I put you in this situation.” He said, hugging you again. After a long pause, you pulled up and looked up at him:

“Thank you.” You stated genuinely and Drew looked at you surprised. But while you continued to look at each other, you both understood without saying anything more. You both knew it wasn’t okay that Drew just got in a fight. And you both knew you didn’t need your boyfriend to defend you honor, but you were thankful someone finally had.

Taglist: @moniamaybank @abbyj1822 @october-cameron @hernameisnoell @railmerafe @stupidpendeja @lemur46 @phantompogues 

[tessenpai]

Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 103 Scans and Rough TL

link for the scans [1]

------------------------KOT #103 Rough TL-----------------------

Page 1

Side text: Uzuki’s past…. And his first encounter with Chika

***Uzuki’s diary***

-December 24th -

Today I learned that my dad has a secret family.I knew mom had a lover but seems like dad does too. They are so similar.

 Page 2

-January 10th -

I decided to hire someone under my mother's name to do some research. My mom doesn't look at my bank statements whenever I spend money, so she'll never find out.

 -January 19th-

I found out that I have a younger brother. His name is Momoya Natsu. We are also close in age. I wonder if I'll get to meet him someday.

 -November 13th-

Natsu-kun came to my house. He seems to have followed his father. I told him everything I know, and it seems he believed me.

He's just like me. Younger brothers are amazing. I finally have someone to talk to.

  Page 3

-July 21st-

Mom is in a bad mood because she broke up with her boyfriend.

But I'm sure she'll get a new one in a week.

 -July 25th-

Just as I thought, Mom got a new boyfriend, and it didn't take more than a week.

Now she'll have another family.

I don't know why we're still living together, but I wish it would all go away.

Page 4

-September 10th-

Today on the street, I got tangled up with a group of badly-behaved and dim-witted men.

Then I was saved by a guy who looked like them. His eyes were even worse than the guys who tangled with me.

I thought he wanted something in return for helping me, so I tried to give him some money, but he took off and ignored me. Wasn't the amount enough?

I don't know what people like that are thinking. Maybe they're not thinking at all.

 -September 16th-

I saw the delinquent from that time again on the street.

 Page 5

***FLASHBACK***

Uzuki[thoughts]: Woah, look at his face full of injuries. A fight?

Uzuki[thoughts]: Maybe the reason why he saved me back then was because he just wanted to fight with those guys...

Smoking guy: Ah!

Smoking: Sorry- sorry-

Uzuki[thoughts]: Smoking while walking… I wish it would explode (he means he wishes the tobacco would explode on his face….).

Worried mom: Hey, Ryo-chan! Don't run, it's dangerous!

 Page 6

Worried mom: Ryo-chan!

Uzuki[thoughts]: --Ah

Worried mom: !

Worried mom: Ryo-ch…!!

 Page 7

Sfx: burn

 Page 8

Smoking guy: Eh? Uwah! Eh?!

Worried mom: Ryo-chan! Tha- thank yo…

Worried mom: Eh, that hand… Wai… t…

Page 9

Uzuki: What?

Uzuki: What is this?

 Page 10

-September 17th-

I investigated about that kid. His name is Kudou Chika. We are the same age. He seems to be pretty famous around here

 -September 18th-

I went to see him to thank him about that time

Thug: Chika-- This guy wants to see you.

Uzuki: umm, I wonder if you remember.

Uzuki: That time—

Chika: !

Chika: Come with me a sec!

Abiko: Chi—ka

Abiko: Whaat, Is that kid your new friend?

 Page 11

Chika: Of course not!

Sfx: push

Chika: You, don’t come to places like this!

Uzuki: eh…

Chika: They’ll pick a fight with/bully you again!

Uzuki: I just wanted to say thank you for what you did that time…

Chika: I didn't really do anything to warrant a thank you.

Chika: It’s fine. Go home already.

Chika: This is not a place where a person like you should come.

Uzuiki[thoughts]: A person like me…

Uzuki: Was I being a bother then?

Chika: Eh…

 Page 12

Chika: Because it’s dangerous.

Uzuki: …

Chika: This area is very unsafe and it would be bad if you get noticed.

Chika: Take this street to get home.

Chika: Don't ever come back here again.

 Page 13

Uzuki: ...I (Boku) wonder if this would fit in with a place like that...

Uzuki: Oh, it's probably better not to use [Boku].  [Ore] [Ore]

Uzuki: [Ore]---…

TN: both Boku [僕] and Ore [俺] mean ‘I’. They are both used by males. You can think of it like [Boku] being the formal masculine form and [Ore] being the informal masculine form.

 ***Uzuki’s Diary***

But, he lend me a hand

And he saved me

 Page 14

I want to become Kudou-kun’s friend

***END OF FLASHBACK***

Chapter Title:  #103 Muddy/Dirty innocence.

 Page 15

Video title: The reality of being a member of a nationally ranked school club on TV *! Content warning !*

Thugh in video: Kudou you bastard…

Hashtags: #Kanagawa #HighSchool #KotoClub

 Page 16

Tweets:

Wahh I’m scared

What is this?

What is a Koto Club to begin with??

This is a montage, right?

It's not safe here.

Please make these idiots disappear as soon as possible.

I reported the video

Violent people are the worst.

I mean, what school is this? Does anyone know?

I saw a TV show, and I think it’s Tokise High School

Page 18

Hiro: It looks like it's been uploaded to multiple social media sites. I just asked to Miyu about it...

Hiro: That guy Uzuki is really bad news. This is not a joke.

Takezou: Does Kudou-kun—

Hiro: Not yet. But this has spread a lot already.

Hiro: I'm sure he'll hear about it soon enough.

Sfx: opens

Sfx: silence

Chika: ?

 Page 19

Satowa: Hey, why are you just standing there?

Chika: Eh, no…

Shio-chan: Satowa-chan, Kudou-kun. Is the Koto club okay?

Chika: ? About what?

Shio-chan: Wh- What you say… um…

Chika: Show me.

Shi-chan: Eh?

Chika: Come on now.

 Page 20

Tetsuki: There’s no need for you to see this

Chika: ! Tetsuki

Chika: There’s a problem and I am involved in it

Chika: But I have no idea what it is. That’s not right

Satowa: Shio-chan, let me see it as well—

Chika: You…

Chika: Don’t look at it.

 Page 21

Satowa: Shio-chan

Chika: Houzuki…

Chika: !

Satowa: It won’t be as scary if we watch it together.

Satowa: Right?

 Page 22

Tetsuki: …

Sfx: tap

Momoya: --Hello? Sei?

Uzuki: Aah, Natsu

Uzuki: Sorry about yesterday. Appearing suddenly

Momoya: I don’t care about that.

Momoya: Regardless of what your intentions were, you just said the truth.

Uzuki: *Fufu* That’s exactly why I like you, Natsu.

 Page 23

Momoya: That video of Kudo-senpai, was it you?

Uzuki: And if I was?

 Twitter comments:

Even a club with a guy like this can go to nationals... Level is just so low

Suspension (Clapping emoji)

I don’t really care

Natsu: Why would you do that?

Natsu: What do you want?

 Twitter comment: I am a member of the Koto music club. I don't want people like this to play the Koto. I don't want them to get involved with it. It’s annoying/bothersome

 Page 24

Uzuki: Natsu, you have changed.

Natsu: What?

Uzuki: You have changed.

Uzuki: --You see, Natsu

 Page 25

Uzuki: I---…

Chika: ---…What?

Chika: Club activities banned…?

Suzuka: Just until the tests are over for now.

Suzuka: After that, I will call you as soon as a decision is made.

Chika: Don’t mess with me!! If that video is the reason, I should be the only one banned!! why---

Takezou: Kudou-kun…

 Page 26

Hiro: I mean, that video is from years ago in the first place!

Hiro: And it's just Chika on his own versus a gang.  Why is it such a big deal?

Suzuka: Well... it was just bad timing.

Suzuka: It was right after the TV broadcast, so it must have attracted a lot of people's attention.

Suzuka: The parents of the students, the media, and even people who have nothing to do with it are calling the staff room.

Suzuka: The point is that we should keep a low profile for a while

Kota: Ugh..

 Page 27

Chika: ---…

Suzuka: Well, don’t worry too much. Don’t let it get to you.

Suzuka: --- And

Suzuka: Don't listen to the slander of people who don't know anything about you, and don't spend your time dwelling on it.

Suzuka: You don't have to deal with that. You don't have to get over that.

Suzuka: There is no value in the words of someone who throws stones at you without knowing you or thinking about you.

 Page 28

Suzuka: From here forward, it's adults' business.

Suzuka: You guys go home, study, and get some sleep.

Suzuka: Don't take any detours.

Sfx: silence

Sane: …Ah, Ah--!

Mittsu: Right! That's it! Now we can study full throttle for the tests!

Kota: Ye- Yeah! That’s right!

Sane: We could bring Momoya and Yoshinaga to study at Tetsuki’s!!

Yoshinaga: Eh? Is that okay?

Sane: Of course!

Kota: About that, Yoshirin are you a good student?

Yoshinaga: My Middle School score average was 40 points.

Mittsu: You are like us…

 Page 29

Sane: Hey! Chika!! We've all already been studying the parts and...

Chika: …I’m sorry

Chika: …

Chika: I’m sorry

Sane: Ugh ----…

Sane: Ahh… Stop that

 Page 30

Sane: It’s all gonna be fine. I’m sure.

Sane: It’s okay

 Page 31

Tetsuki: Is Chika not coming today?

Sane: Yeah…

Sane: There were a few journalists at the school gate on the way home.

Sane: Maybe that's why he went home alone...

Tetsuki: --That guy. There’s that bad habit of his again.

Isaki: I’m home—

Isaki: Hunhuuun I found a good bottle of liquor

Isaki: WOAH!!?

 Page 32

Isaki: That’s no good. If you were home, at least turn on the lights. Moreover, weren’t you going to Takaoka-kun’s today?

Chika: Yeah--…

Isaki: What is it, are you feeling sick?

Chika: I’m fine

Isaki: Food?

Chia: I’m okay

Isaki …

Isaki: Did something happen?

Chika: No. Nothing.

 Page 33

Isaki: -----

Isaki: I am going to make some onigiris. Eat them when you are hungry.

 Page 34

Uzuki: [You see Natsu…]

Uzuki: I just want--…

Uzuki: I want to get Chika back

Uzuki: Before. Now. That’s all this is about.

 Page 35

Uzuki: So I have to break it. Every single place he has to go back to

Note: Kudo Chika class 2-F. Club retirement

Uzuki: Until there’s no place left but me.

Side text: And then… a choice to protect his friends...

-------------Kono oto tomare! Continues on July 4th!!--------------

[lesdemonium]

romtober day 7: misunderstandings

Rating: M Ship: Geraskier Word Count: 4319 Summary: Cirilla's new nanny, Mister Julian, is her favorite person in the whole world. Geralt's new boyfriend, Jaskier, is pretty high up there as well. No one realizes they might be the same person.

AKA: the nanny/parent au written by a nanny

a MASSIVE thank you for betaing to @boppinrobin. y’all have them to thank for how romantic this wound up being.

read on ao3

“Mister Julian says that the things we learn in school are very important but it’s also important to learn things outside of school. Like about rainbows. Did you know that any time light… ref… refracts it can make a rainbow? Like through windows or… or… Daddy, do you know what refracts means?”

Geralt hummed a little as he and Ciri walked. He thought that answer was enough, until his five year old pulled impatiently at his hand and Geralt looked down to see her frowning at him.

“I do,” he said, nodding a little. “Do you know? Do you want to tell me?”

“I do!” Ciri insisted proudly. She let go of Geralt’s hand now that they were inside their building and she ran to the elevator to make sure she could press the button first. When the button lit up, she gave Geralt a devilish smile and he pretended to be disappointed that he couldn’t hit the button first, much to her delight. “It’s okay, Daddy. Maybe next time. I’m just too fast.”

“You are,” Geralt agreed. He nudged her into the now-open elevator. “Didn’t you want to tell me what refract means?”

“Yes! Mister Julian told me all about it! It’s when something makes light change directions! Like… like water! Or windows!” Ciri was literally bouncing in her excitement to share her knowledge and Geralt found himself grinning down at her, just before leading them both to the door to their condo.

“It sounds like you’re learning a lot of really cool things from Mister Julian,” Geralt said. He unlocked the door and ushered her inside.

“Mister Julian is the best. He’s the smartest guy in the whole wide world!”

Ciri attempted to drop her things--backpack, coat, art project and all--onto the floor, only to be stopped by a chiding look from Geralt. She huffed dramatically and picked it all back up and put her belongings back where they went. Geralt offered a quick “Thank you, Ciri,” but she had already moved on to go play in her room until dinner.

Dinner, of course, was filled with chatter about nothing but Mister Julian, but Geralt couldn’t bring himself to be bothered. It was nice that she enjoyed her new nanny at Yennefer’s. By the end of the meal, Geralt was pretty sure he wanted to meet Mister Julian.

--

Geralt thought it had to be a new level of pathetic to be stood up by your own brother, and yet here he was. He wouldn’t have necessarily chosen this bar for himself, but now that he was here, he figured he might as well order a drink, even if Lambert was a dick who didn’t bother to show up. Only a quick “something came up” text and some shitty joke about maybe Geralt could find someone to pull the stick out of his ass for him. Prick.

Geralt was halfway into his drink when someone sat beside him. He didn't bother to look--he was pretty sure the stranger was just trying to order a drink--until he felt the other’s shoulder knock against his.

“I’d love to give you a pickup line, but I get the feeling that wouldn’t go very far with you,” blue eyes said.

Turned out, the rest of him was just as beautiful as his eyes. Given the line the man had already paid him, Geralt felt no shame in letting his gaze drag over his company’s body, and Geralt had to admit he liked what he saw. The curve of his lips screamed mischief, and the cut of his shirt betrayed a deceptively muscular chest. Maybe tonight wouldn’t be a total bust.

“Perceptive,” Geralt answered, taking a long drink of his beer. His eyebrow raised as he met Jaskier’s eye again, and Jaskier straightened up as he settled into the stool beside Geralt.

“I’m Jaskier,” the man said, and motioned at the bartender. He ordered quickly, then turned his attention wholly back to Geralt. “So, does this statuesque masculinity come with a name, or do you prefer to brood your way to recognition?”

“Geralt,” he answered with a smirk. Geralt was pretty sure he had never been made fun of so quickly into what he was almost certain would become a hookup. He quite liked it.

“Geralt, the man of few words,” Jaskier grinned. He received his drink, and held it up, looking pointedly at Geralt’s beer until Geralt clinked the glass together in a wordless cheers. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The pleasure, it turned out, was all Geralt’s. If Jaskier was bothered by carrying the conversation, he certainly didn’t show it. He seemed to even have a knack for pulling information out of Geralt efficiently, between stories. Geralt didn’t learn too much about Jaskier’s personal life--he didn’t think he would--but it only took a few minutes into their conversation for him to realize that he might like to.

From the moment he laid hands on Jaskier--in the privacy of Geralt’s own condo, as neither one of them was particularly keen on giving any unassuming strangers even a tame show--he felt indisputable chemistry. They didn’t have to discuss much to understand that they were on the same page about, well, everything. Even how they both liked to kiss, or the way they liked to be touched. It wasn’t magic, it wasn’t perfect, and Geralt definitely had his hands shoved away from somewhere Jaskier apparently did not enjoy being touched, but it was about as close to electrifying as Geralt had ever gotten with a new partner.

“Jesus,” Jaskier panted as his head hit the pillow.

Geralt snorted into Jaskier’s sweat-sheened shoulder, but he had to agree.

When Geralt woke to find Jaskier still in his bed, starfishing and completely unbothered by another body, Geralt was surprised. Pleasantly surprised, but still surprised. He sat up slowly and made his way to the bathroom, and by the time he came back, Jaskier was sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“I swear I normally don't do sleepovers without at least discussing it first,” Jaskier said, smiling sheepishly at Geralt. “Apparently you wore me out.”

“Apparently I did,” Geralt answered, shrugging. “It’s fine. Do you want breakfast? I can make eggs.”

Jaskier watched him for a moment, with a cautious smile, then nodded. “Breakfast sounds incredible.”

Nearly an hour later, they both were fed, dressed (though Jaskier scrunched up his nose at rewearing last night’s wrinkled outfit), and Jaskier leaned forward into the kitchen table, staring at Geralt.

“Would it be bold of me to request a repeat performance?” Jaskier asked. “Maybe even a meal that isn’t immediately following an accidental sleepover?”

Geralt hesitated a moment. He wanted to, more than anything, but.

“I have to let you know,” Geralt started, “so you can make a fully informed decision. I have a daughter. A five-year-old.”

Jaskier grinned, then bent down, disappearing beneath the table. Geralt watched, his head tilting as he puzzled out this bizarre reaction, and then Jaskier sat back up, a pink stuffed bunny in his hand.

“You mean to tell me this isn’t yours?” Jaskier asked, his voice affronted, though he was still grinning and even managed to wink at Geralt.

“His name is Mr. Bun and he’s part of the family,” Geralt said, with a smile in return.

Jaskier left that morning with the clothes he had worn the night previously, a full belly, and Geralt’s number entered into his phone and a promise that, yes, they could try for dinner next time. Geralt found himself feeling almost as if he needed to thank Lambert for being a prick. He wouldn’t, though.

--

“You’re looking cheerier than usual,” Yennefer said as Geralt stepped back to let her inside.

“Ciri, your mom’s here!” Geralt called. “Do you have your bag ready?”

There was a bang from behind Ciri’s door, one that Geralt absolutely did not want to ask about, before she called back, “Yes! I just forgot something!” Geralt was pretty sure she was lying and that he should say something about that, but it didn’t seem like a battle worth waging when packing her bag was already going to take her time.

“Going to explain, or should I start guessing?” Yennefer asked, smirking at him. “Hm… there was a sale on ugly combat boots and you picked up a few dozen more?” 

Geralt rolled his eyes. “Surely you could do better than that. Don’t tell me you’ve lost your touch,” he teased. 

“Haven’t lost my touch, simply want you to get to the point. What has you looking so pleased?” She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow, and even if Geralt wanted to deflect, he knew from the set of her shoulders Yennefer wasn’t going to just let it go. There was no need for him to, though.

“I have a date tonight.” 

“You do? Well, tell me about them? What’s so great about this date that made you pawn off your daughter a night early?”

“You asked to have Ciri early. She’ll think you’re serious if she overhears you,” Geralt frowned. Yennefer waved an insistent hand back. “His name is Jaskier.”

“Mommy!” Ciri called, bounding out of her room and running straight into Yennefer’s arms. Yennefer spun her around once before setting her feet back on the ground, and Ciri grinned up at her. “Is Mister Julian coming to see me this week?”

“Of course he is,” Yennefer answered, nodding at her. “He’ll pick you up from school on Monday.”

“Good.” Ciri’s voice contained every ounce of seriousness in the world, and Geralt had to bite back his laugh. Ciri did not like thinking that Geralt was laughing at her. Not that he blamed her. “I have something very important to tell him.”

“And what’s that?”

“Hippos make pink slime instead of using sunscreen!”

Yennefer’s nose scrunched up and she glanced at Geralt, who shrugged.

“We spent this weekend looking up facts to tell Mister Julian. She picked that one,” Geralt answered.

“That is fascinating and adequately disgusting. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.” Yennefer took Ciri’s hand and her bag, which she slung over her shoulder. “Say bye to your dad, Ciri. We need to run.” She pointed a finger on her free hand at Geralt. “I expect to hear all about your weekend when you come pick her up.”

--

It wasn’t until their fifth date that Geralt took Jaskier home again.

Coming back for a hookup was one thing; usually people Geralt brought home left as soon as they caught their breath and never came back. Going on an actual date with someone, though, was different. Bringing someone he was actively dating into the home Geralt shared with his daughter was a whole other level that had to be handled extremely carefully. And slowly.

Luckily, Jaskier understood.

“It’s been so long, I almost forgot where you lived,” Jaskier said, grinning as Geralt opened the door for him. “I’m flattered I’m being invited back. I must be doing something right.”

Geralt snorted, then backed up to let Jaskier back into the condo. Jaskier followed after him, only to crowd Geralt against the door and bring him in for a kiss. Geralt’s arms wound around Jaskier’s middle, turning them both so he could close the door behind them, lest they give Geralt’s neighbors an unintended show. 

“A lot of things right,” Geralt answered once they pulled away, and he lived for the way Jaskier beamed at him.

“Did you know,” Jaskier said conversationally, over the dinner Geralt had cooked for them, “that your daughter and my charge are the same age?”

Geralt raised an eyebrow at Jaskier and finished his bite. Jaskier didn’t often volunteer information about his charge. Geralt hadn’t pressed, of course, after Jaskier mentioned his job as a nanny on their first official date, and then followed up with “For confidentiality reasons, I can’t tell you much about her, but she is just the best.”

“I thought you didn’t talk about your charge with people you were dating,” Geralt answered. He put down his fork, as he was finished with his meal, and rested his hand on Jaskier’s leg.

“I don’t, but I would consider it, a bit, with a boyfriend,” Jaskier answered, and his hand hovered above Geralt’s, just barely avoiding contact. Though his tone was as even and nonchalant as possible, and he shrugged his shoulders, Jaskier wouldn’t look at Geralt; he was nervous. “And, well. I figured it might give you permission to talk about your daughter. And know that you’re not going to scare me off if you do.”

“Hmm,” Geralt said. He captured Jaskier’s still-hovering hand and entwined their fingers. Geralt waited until Jaskier met his eye again, then smiled. “I suppose telling my boyfriend about my daughter makes sense.”

--

“I’m just wondering what sort of name Jaskier is, anyway,” Yennefer said.

Geralt rolled his eyes and gave her an exasperated look, but Yen only grinned wickedly back. 

“It’s a stage name, and a nickname,” Geralt answered, shrugging.

“A nickname for what?”

“I don’t know. He hasn’t told me and I haven’t asked.”

“You’ve been dating this guy for, what, three months now, and you don’t even know his name?” Yennefer sounded incredulous.

“I know his name. It’s Jaskier. “ Geralt smirked, and Yennefer looked likely to hit him.

She hadn’t given Geralt even the tiniest bit of rest about it all since Geralt had admitted that he and Jaskier were serious over a month ago, but Geralt found himself less and less bothered by it. She had made it clear that she simply wanted to meet him, and that was her goal with all this teasing, but Geralt wasn’t ready. Yennefer meeting Jaskier likely meant Ciri meeting Jaskier, and though he knew he was serious, he felt they needed quite a bit more stability before his five-year-old was brought into the picture. Jaskier seemed to agree, if his lack of pressing about it was anything to go off of.

“Do you even know his last name?” Yennefer asked.

“I do. But I’m not telling you. You don’t need to internet stalk him.”

“Oh, but I so love being nosey.”

Geralt snorted, then turned to the bright patter of Ciri’s feet running to him and jumping in his arms. He caught her, and lifted her up in a bear hug. “Ready to go?” he asked. Ciri nodded enthusiastically.

“Did you ask Mister Julian if he’s free Friday?” Geralt asked, turning back to Yen and holding out his hand for Ciri’s bag, which Yennefer passed to him.

“Sorry, he said he was busy,” Yennefer answered with a sympathetic grimace.

“Someday I’ll meet Ciri’s favorite person in the whole world,” Geralt said. He slung the bag over his arm and put Ciri down, instead taking her hand. “That’s fine. How’s a night at Grandpa’s then?”

Ciri’s eyes grew comically large. “Yes! Last time we had unicorn pancakes! For dinner!” she said.

Geralt very much did not want to know what unicorn pancakes were, or just how much of a sugarbomb they contained. Instead of asking, he waved at Yen and took Ciri back home.

--

Geralt could feel himself drifting. He shouldn’t let himself, he knew, but it was hard not to when he was wrapped up in his warm bed, still shaking off sleep, and Jaskier was lightly tracing patterns on Geralt’s bare chest. There were things he had to do, like clean up after their date night, and go pick Ciri up from Vesemir’s, but Geralt figured there wasn’t much harm in letting himself have this moment. He hummed, to let Jaskier know he was awake. Hopefully he’d not let Geralt drift off again.

“Morning,” Jaskier said. His voice wasn’t a whisper, but it was a near thing.

“Since when do you wake up before me?” Geralt asked. With great effort, he opened an eye to look at Jaskier, who was smiling down at Geralt, his head propped up with his elbow.

“I wouldn’t get used to it,” Jaskier answered. He continued trailing his fingers along Geralt’s chest. “I’m sure next time you’ll have to chase me out when I inevitably oversleep and your daughter’s on her way home.”

Geralt hummed and caught Jaskier’s hand, then pressed his lips to Jaskier’s fingers. Though the light streaming in from the window was entirely too bright, Geralt found he didn’t mind. Jaskier was haloed in the soft light.

“Maybe sometime you can meet her,” Geralt said.

Jaskier grinned and leaned in to press a kiss to Geralt’s collarbone. “I’d love to. When you’re both ready,” he said. He lifted his head again, then paused, before pressing a slow, sweet kiss to Geralt’s lips.

“Hmm, yeah, it’s official,” Jaskier said as he pulled back.

Geralt furrowed his eyebrows as he reached out to card his fingers through Jaskier’s hair. “What’s official?”

“That I love you,” Jaskier said.

He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like he hadn’t just thrown Geralt completely for a loop and left him boneless. Jaskier sounded so sure, so honest, and he was beaming down at Geralt.

“Is that so?” Geralt finally answered, his mouth dry.

Jaskier’s face did not dampen, not even a little, as he nodded. “It is. I know because I still felt that way when I kissed you, morning breath and all.”

Geralt snorted and pushed himself up to sit. He still held Jaskier’s hand, and he pressed a kiss to his palm--to spare him from any further morning breath--then let go and stood up. Jaskier sat up, too, and was looking at Geralt with such a look of adoration, that Geralt felt himself flushing under the attention as he made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

The escape helped clear his head. After his teeth were brushed, he left the bathroom to find Jaskier getting dressed, pulling a new outfit from the drawer Geralt had cleared out for him. They smiled at each other, then switched, Jaskier brushing his teeth and Geralt getting dressed. 

It was so easy, that Geralt found himself a bit floored. It had been slow, and Geralt hadn’t truly noticed, but in the warm shock of Jaskier’s confession, he noticed there were little reminders of Jaskier everywhere: the clothes in the drawer, Jaskier’s toothbrush in Geralt’s bathroom. The pictures from the photobooth of the two of them sitting on Geralt’s nightstand. 

Geralt returned to the bathroom and leaned against the doorway. Geralt watched, silently, as Jaskier finished brushing his teeth, then grinned at Geralt.

“Don’t tell me you’re kicking me out already. I woke up early for you! I thought we could go to brunch. Maybe do an early six-month anniversary thing, since I’m working on our actual anniversary.” Jaskier paused to let out a nervous laugh and card his fingers through his hair. “Monthiversary? Whatever. Six months is a big deal, okay, I promise I’ll let you off the hook for other month markers, but six months is a big deal.”

“I love you, too,” Geralt said. He reached out a hand and Jaskier allowed himself to be pulled into a hug. Jaskier’s body sagged in relief against Geralt and Geralt held him all the tighter for it. This was right. Geralt hadn’t felt this sure about anything in a long time.

--

“How would you feel about Jaskier meeting Ciri?” Geralt asked as soon as Yennefer opened the door.

Yennefer paused for a moment, blinking.

“I hate when you do that. Next time can you greet me before bombarding me with big questions?” Yennefer asked, frowning at him.

“Hi Yen,” Geralt answered, nodding a little. He supposed that was fair. “How has your week been? I wanted to chat about this before Ciri comes down. So she doesn’t get excited or think it’s happening if you say no.”

“Well, I appreciate that.” Yennefer let out an audible breath, then gestured for Geralt to come inside. “So, things are pretty serious with him, then?”

“Yes. We’ve been together nine months.”

Yennefer put her hands on her hips and regarded Geralt for a moment. “You’ve been seeing this guy almost a year, and you’re just now considering having him meet Ciri? Jesus, Geralt. I guess we’re all lucky you didn’t wait until a marriage proposal before any of us got to know him.”

“I can’t consider marrying anyone that Ciri hasn’t signed off on,” Geralt answered, shrugging.

“You are the most ridiculous man I’ve ever met. Yes, absolutely, have this guy that’s been in your life for almost an entire year meet Ciri, I give you permission.” Yen’s eyes rolled as she crossed her arms. “I get to meet him after. Before Lambert and Eskel.”

“Agreed,” Geralt said. He thought about sticking out his hand to shake Yennefer’s and seal the deal, but he figured now wasn’t the time to incur Yennefer’s wrath.

--

Geralt was nervous. In fact, nervous didn’t even begin to describe Geralt at this precise moment. Geralt had a feeling Jaskier was probably just as nervous, if not moreso, judging by how quiet he had been all day on the phone. No social media posts, only a couple clarifying questions about the plan for tonight to Geralt, and otherwise completely silent. It helped, if Geralt was being honest. That meant Jaskier knew how big of a deal this was, just as much as Geralt did. If Ciri didn’t like Jaskier--well. Geralt just had to trust that was impossible.

When he heard the knock, Geralt startled. He opened the door to find Jaskier standing there, looking sheepish and gorgeous.

“Ciri? Jaskier’s here,” Geralt said. He reached out a hand for Jaskier, who gladly took it and stepped inside.

Geralt was still turned toward the door, closing it, as Ciri’s steps turned from walking to an all out sprint toward them.

“Mister Julian!” she yelled as she jumped into his--thankfully, just barely ready--arms. Jaskier looked bewildered, and like he was still processing the girl now in his arms. Ciri pulled back and pressed her palms to Jaskier’s cheeks. “I didn’t know you were coming to my dad’s! You didn’t say you were coming over!”

“I...I didn’t know,” Jaskier answered. He bent to put her back on the ground, just a bit too fast to be intentional, but Ciri was delighted by the move. Jaskier then wrung his hands together, but Geralt could still see that they were shaking.

“Julian? You’re Mister Julian?” Geralt asked. He couldn’t process this. He felt dizzy and thrown and suddenly very uncertain of what he should do with his hands.

“Julian’s my first name,” Jaskier answered. Geralt could see the blush creeping along Jaskier’s face. “Since it’s on my driver’s license and easier to say, that’s the name I use. You’re Cirilla’s dad?”

“Dad,” Ciri whined, and when Geralt looked to her she had the most disapproving frown Geralt had ever seen on her face. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re friends with Mister Julian? You said we don’t keep secrets!”

“You’re right,” Geralt agreed. He hesitated a moment, then ran his fingers through her hair. “I didn’t know I was keeping a secret, it was an accident. I call Mister Julian ‘Jaskier.’”

Ciri turned her now very suspicious frown on Jaskier. “Were you keeping a secret? You didn’t tell me you’re my dad’s boyfriend.”

Jaskier laughed and shook his head helplessly. “Trust me, sweetheart. I had no idea. Apparently your dad and I are too good at keeping you safe.”

Ciri seemed to accept that answer, because she shrugged, then ran off to the kitchen as if nothing had happened. Jaskier, however, wheeled on Geralt the moment she turned her back.

“You were married to Yennefer?” Jaskier asked.

“Yes,” Geralt answered. Jaskier let out an incredulous bark of laughter and Geralt placed a hand on the small of his back--trying to steady them both. “We divorced just after we adopted Ciri. How did you not connect her name?”

“I thought maybe you were both inspired by Apple products! Who was I to judge?” Jaskier threw his hands up. A moment later, one landed heavily on Geralt’s shoulder. Geralt could still just barely feel that hand tremble.  “And I don’t call her Ciri! She wanted me to call her Cirilla. I never connected--” He laughed again, shaky and disbelieving. “Oh my god, this does not help nanny stereotypes.”

“At least we know she already likes you?” Geralt offered.

Jaskier gasped, his free hand covering his mouth. He glanced at the kitchen, and by the time he looked back at Geralt, his entire face had crinkled into a broad smile. Jaskier took Geralt’s hand between both of his own and pressed Geralt’s knuckles to his lips, and now Geralt could feel Jaskier’s grin.

“She does,” Jaskier said, sounding as wet as his eyes were. “She does like me!”

Relief washed over Geralt as he really considered what this meant. The hardest part and biggest potential barrier to the future of their relationship had already been crossed before it was even a question. Geralt was not looking forward to how much Yen was going to laugh at him, but he wasn’t worried about their future anymore. Ciri loved Jaskier as much as Geralt did. Everything would be okay.

Geralt pulled his hand from Jaskier’s hold to cup Jaskier’s face and bring him in for a kiss. Somehow, they had managed to do this right. Somehow, they were being rewarded.

“Are we having dinner, or what, lazy boneses?” Ciri called from the kitchen.

Jaskier pulled away to laugh, and Geralt had to capture the mischievous smile Jaskier gave him in another kiss. This time, when Jaskier pulled away, his eyes were soft and his hand was warm as he pulled Geralt to the kitchen.

“Coming, lazy bones?” Jaskier asked, as if Geralt wouldn’t follow him anywhere.

[pixiegrl]

You Are My Horizon

Jack comes to visit Rian at work. Rian's hopelessly in love.

Alright lets take it from the top:

Bet you never saw ATL fic coming from me? Well, here it is. Once again, this is part of a larger fic I'm writing. I'm blaming Rian's v-day thirst trap and Jack just being, you know, Jack for writing this. The only important thing to know going into this is that Rian and Jack are dating, Jack is trans, and that Rian works at a tattoo parlor owned by Ashton and Calum. The tattoo parlor is across from the flower show Luke (also trans) and Michael (non-binary) own.

Second: big thanks to @tigerteeff for whom I write all trans content. Thanks for listening to me yell about Trans Jack he is a special boy and I love him. Thanks to @lifewasradical @cakelftv @blackbutterfliescal and @staticsounds for listening to me yell about this fic (and the flower shop/tattoo parlor verse) and telling me how emo in a good way this is. I love you all dearly.

on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500365

Rian’s sketching out the tattoo he’s designing when Jack comes into the back area of the parlor. He sighs dramatically, dropping himself into Rian’s lap and straddling him.

“Babe,” Jack whines.

“Hello to you too. Who’s watching Cam?”

“The puppy can be left alone for like an hour. I’ve been home all day. I missed you.”

“You saw me this morning.”

“That was hours ago. It’s like almost 5:00pm. I missed you,” Jack says, dropping his head down, resting it under Rian’s chin. Rian sighs, putting his pencil down and running his hands under Jack’s shirt. Jack sighs, pressing a kiss to Rian’s neck, easing into the touch. Rian likes Jack, all long legs and lean muscle, the contrast he is to Rian himself. He’s dyed his hair recently, a soft shade of blonde that contrasts with the dark hair of his beard. Rian remembers how excited Jack was about the beard when he started growing it, crowing that getting the hysterectomy finally helped him grow the hair that being on T didn’t. Jack’s painfully handsome these days, angled cheekbones and jaw framed by his beard, comfortable in his own skin. Jack has a soft smile on his face, as he pulls back, kissing Rian on the lips softly. 

They trade soft kisses for a few moments before Jack pulls back, grinning mischievously.

“No,” Rian says.

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“You may not suck my dick at my place of work.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not sanitizing the whole workstation.”

Jack sighs dramatically, flopping onto Rian, “But you have to do that anyway.”

“And I’m not letting you get this place dirty. Or risking someone walking in on us Jack, these are my co-workers.”

“Spoil sport,” Jack says. Rian huffs a laugh, letting Jack steal his snapback and put it on. He snuggles into Rian’s side, watching him sketch out the flowers.

“What’s this one?”

“Tattoo for a client. She wants a whole bouquet for flowers for her family.”

“Isn’t that Sierra’s thing? The flowers?”

“She wants it in watercolor.”

“So your speciality.”

“My speciality,” Rian says. Jack hums, getting a hand underneath Rian’s shirt, tracing his abs lightly as he keeps watching Rian. He has to be uncomfortable, at the angle he’s at but Jack makes no move to change his position.

“Why don’t you head home? I have to finish this sketch up and it’s not going to be very interesting for you,” Rian says, after Jack shifts for the fifth time in ten minutes.

“I don’t want to head home though. Wanna go with you.”

“You drove your car here Jack. You’d be going home without me anyway.”

“I don’t want to go home and wait around for you though. I want to wait here, with you. I want to spend time with you,” Jack says, pouting lightly. Rian sighs, heart soft. He ducks his head down pressing a kiss to Jack’s temple. Jack laughs, scrunching his nose up. He rests his head on Rian’s shoulder, watching as Rian works on the sketch around Jack’s long limbs.

“You know, I didn’t see myself being 32,” Jack says, just barely above a whisper. Rian stops what he’s doing, turning his attention to the boyfriend in his lap.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. At 15 I didn’t see myself making it to 20. I was a depressed teen, self-harming because I hated the way I looked and that I couldn’t understand what was going on. I thought I’d kill myself before 20 trying to figure it out. Then, I was 20 and I couldn’t see myself at 25. I finally had the words to understand what I was feeling and who I was, but then you’re going through therapists and doctors, people are giving you papers and reports and explanations and telling you how much money it all is to just be yourself. I thought I’d die under the stress of it all, the constant feeling of just having to fight to be myself,” Jack says, shrugging. 

He picks at the edge of Rian’s shirt, pulling at a loose thread there, head resting on Rian’s shoulder, nose touching his neck. Rian puts his pencil down, stroking his hand over Jack’s back, letting Jack nuzzle into him. They sit there for a few moments in silence before Rian finally works up the courage to ask Jack his question.

“What about at 25?” Rian asks, soft, squeezing Jack’s hip lightly.

“I got the right therapist. I went on T. They finally approved things and I had the money for my top surgery. There was light at the end of the tunnel. And then I met you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. I love who I am, don’t get me wrong. I love being trans and I love being myself and I’m happy with myself. It took me so long to get there, but I love myself. But it’s hard, when you’re two months out of top surgery, when your voice still cracks, when you’re worried about how everyone else will see you, to picture someone loving you the way you love yourself. Especially when they look like you,” Jack says. He tilts his head up, looking at Rian, eyes a little wet. Rian laughs, breathless, at the idea of it all. 

He remembers meeting Jack with the sort of clarity that only comes with the certainty of knowing that this is your person, with the knowledge to capture this moment, so you can tell your family, your friends, write it into your wedding vows, tell it to your children. Alex had invited him to the back to school brunch he hosted with Lisa every year before school started. Rian had grumbled about it, considering he’s not a teacher what does it matter, but Alex has insisted that as his oldest friend Rian should come (he found out later Alex had intentionally done it to try and set him and Jack up, but Rian can’t really be mad about it). He’d found Jack, with his grown out emo fringe and home dyed red hair, standing by the music, trying to hijack it to play Blink-182 and complaining that Alex never let him have his way. Rian had found himself hopelessly enamored, listening to Jack rant about music and the merits of not teaching Romeo and Juliet to bored teens when Shakespeare has better plays. Rian had been so caught up in what Jack was saying, he hadn’t even noticed brunch had ended until Alex kicked them both out. Brunch had led to late lunch, led to dinner, led to Rian taking Jack for ice cream just so he didn’t have to leave, giving Jack his number and waiting for a phone call. Rian doesn’t think there’s ever been a time he wasn’t enamored by Jack, hopelessly in love with him from the moment Jack had demanded to see Rian’s Blink-182 tattoo. 

“What do you mean someone who ‘look like me’?”

“Handsome, masculine, rugged. You’re a tattoo artist and you work out and you’re like the kind of guy I wanted to be when I was a teen except I’m not. I’m me and there’s nothing wrong with me, but like compared to you. I’m the dorky English teacher. I’m all tall and lanky and stuff.”

“I love dorky English teacher Jack.”

“I know you do. You look at me with such love and adoration it hurts sometimes. The first time you told me you loved me I went home and cried,” Jack says. He’s sitting up now, arms draped over Rian’s shoulders, tears in his eyes. Rian, reaches up, brushing them away. 

“You did what?” Rian asks, quiet.

“I cried. I cried because you were everything teenage Jack dreamed of and couldn’t have. You loved me and loved me and you didn’t care that my voice cracked or about the scars or about anything else that made me feel self-conscious at the time because it was new and fresh. The first time you called me your boyfriend I didn’t know what to do. I felt so special and loved. You just loved me and it felt so real. And I was 25 and for the first time, I could picture myself at 30, at 40, at 50 because I could picture my life, I could picture sharing my life with you. And now I’m 32 and I want to tell teenage Jack that it’s worth it, all the waiting is worth it because you’re here. You’re here and I love you so much Ri,” Jack says. He’s crying now, eyes red, nose red. Rian pulls him into a hug, realizes he’s crying too.

“Well, I love you. You’re a hurricane and I never expected to fall in love the way I did with you, but god did I. I was so worried that first day if I let you go home, if I let you leave, you’d forget all about me. Except you kept calling me and texting me and then you practically moved into my house and I didn’t want to let you go. We have a home, a life, a dog. It’s everything I pictured when I was 17 and realized I liked guys too.” 

“Guess we’re just stuck together,” Jack says, sniffling. Rian laughs, a little wet, pulling Jack into a hug. 

“Guess we are.” 

“Think Ash will let you leave early? I wanna go home now and I don’t wanna wait for you.” 

“Yeah. I don’t have any more appointments and I can take the sketches home.” 

“Good. I think we deserve some pizza and white claws,” Jack says, solemnly. He’s smiling though and Rian’s hopelessly in love with him.

It isn’t till the drive home, which Rian barely managed to get to because Jack kept kissing him against his car, refusing to just let Rian get in the car and drive home so they could have dinner and cuddle, that Rian wonders what’s stopping him from making this permanent. They live together, they have a dog, Jack’s all but told Rian he sees them as forever and Rian feels the same way. What’s stopping Rian from just proposing? 

He takes the thought with him for the next week, searching for rings on his off time, trying to get other people’s opinions on what Jack might like until Rian finally decides on a simple black band for the ring. He ends up in the flower shop the next week, deciding that Jack deserves nice flowers for a proposal.

Luke is at the counter, fixing up a floral arrangement when Rian comes in. He looks up, surprised, blushing a little. Rian’s not dumb, he knows Luke has a crush on him. He also knows Luke has a crush on Jack and a major crush on Ashton, so he’s pretty sure Luke is just falling for anyone he thinks is cute until Ashton finally kisses him.

“Rian, hi! What brings you in? More flowers for the shop?”

“Flowers for Jack. I want to propose and I thought the sweetest man deserved some flowers to go with it.”

Luke looks at Rian in awe, lips parted in an “o.” 

“You’re going to propose?” Luke whispers. Rian furrows his brow, confused at Luke’s surprise, until he remembers that Luke’s trans too. Luke’s trans and he’s probably having the same reaction Jack did the first time he and Rian went to pride and Jack saw other people like them together, the idea that they weren’t alone. It softens Rian’s heart even more. He gets the older brother affection Jack has for Luke and Michael, the need to care for them. It’s hard not to when Luke’s staring at him, all wide blue eyes and open wonder.

“Yeah. Figured my boyfriend of seven years deserves to be my husband forever. Have some roses for it?” Rian says. Luke beams, hurrying around the counter, pulling out red roses to make a bouquet, bouncing with excitement. It’s infectious, making Rian even more excited to propose to Jack, seeing how excited Luke is, smiling the whole time. Ashton let him out of work early too, so he could be home to make dinner with Jack when he gets back from school. 

Rian’s anxious the whole drive home, flowers in the passenger seat, tapping his hands nervously on the steering wheel. What if he’s overthinking this whole thing? What if he’s fucking up the best thing in his life by proposing? What if all the nice words Jack said don’t mean marriage, they just mean staying together? What if Rian’s about to make the stupidest decision of his life? 

Jack’s car is already in the driveway when Rian gets back. He wasn’t expecting Jack to beat him home. It makes the pit in his stomach open wider, makes him even more anxious. He drops his keys five times before he finally manages to get them into the lock and open the door. 

“Ri?” Jack calls when Rian’s through the door. Camden comes sprinting through the house, barking excitedly at Rian until he picks him up, holding him in one arm while trying to keep the roses out of the way. 

“Yeah. You’re home early.” 

“Took the rest of my shit home. Why the fuck should I grade bad essays on The Odyssey at my desk when I can grade them on our couch while you yell at Jeopardy.” 

“I don’t yell at Jeopardy,” Rian says, offended.  

“Yes you do babe,” Jack says. Rian drops his bag by the front of the kitchen, placing the flowers on the counter and Cam on the floor. Jack’s back is turned to him, watching the chicken quesadillas he’s making in the pan intensely. Rian sneaks up behind him, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist and running his hands over Jack’s hip bones, resting his chin on Jack’s shoulder. Jack sighs, leaning back into the touch. 

“Hi,” Rian says softly, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder.  

“Hi,” Jack says, turning his head to get a kiss from Rian. He glances over Rian’s shoulder, perking up when he notices the flowers on the counter. 

“You bought flowers?” 

“I did.” 

“For your other lover?” Jack teases, abandoning the pan to turn around in Rian’s arms, kiss him softly. Rian smiles, tugging Jack closer, kissing his lips, his neck. Jack laughs, squirming in his arms. 

“You can’t kiss me like that while I’m cooking. We’ll start a fire,” Jack says. Rian rolls his eyes, letting Jack play with his hair. 

“I missed you,” Rian says softly. Jack snorts. 

“It was only 8 hours babe,” he teases. 

“You didn’t text me today. I’m used to you texting me.” 

“The teens were being wild today. I don’t remember this much drama when I was their age,” Jack says. Rian rolls his eyes, pulls Jack in for a hug. 

Jack eventually wiggles from Rian’s hold, turning back to the stove. Camden’s flopped down next to them, sighing heavily. Rian swallows, hand in his pocket fingering the ring box. 

“Hey Jack?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Will you marry me?” Rian asks, sinking to one knee, pulling the box out. 

“Very funny Ri,” Jack says, turning to face him. Whatever else he was going to say dies as he takes in the sight of Rian on the floor. 

“Will you marry me?” 

“Holy shit,” Jack breathes out. 

“I’m not the English teacher, but I have a whole speech planned. You know, the moment I met you, I knew. I saw you standing in the corner of Alex’s living room, yelling at him to pick better music and I knew. I wanted to commit everything to memory because that was the memory I wanted to tell everyone at our wedding. I’ve known since the minute you demanded to see my tattoo in front of everyone and practically stripped me shirtless that I wanted to marry you. You’re it for me Jack. When I was 17 and scared shitless at the idea that I liked men, I didn’t know what to do. I never felt confident or comfortable enough to come out, to be myself, to picture myself with someone like you. And then I met you and it’s all I could picture. You made me comfortable with myself, happy with myself. Your endless love and support and just being reminds me everyday how lucky I am to know you, to have met you, to have you love me. You’ve never given a shit about my depression or the way I am or my anxiety. You just remind me of brighter days, of the idea that I’m allowed to have this, to have your love. I can’t picture my life without you, without loving you. I want forever. So, will you marry me?” Rian asks. 

“Yes, what the fuck yes! Of course I’ll fucking...come here!” Jack shouts, dragging Rian up to him. He pulls Rian in for a kiss, bumped noses and teeth because they’re too excited to kiss properly. Jack leans back, tears running down his cheeks, smiling widely. 

“I was worried for a minute,” Rian jokes, pulling the ring from the box and sliding it onto Jack’s finger. Jack holds his hand out admiring it. 

“Like I would say no. Maybe all the coffee has fired your brain cells,” Jack teases. He turns to Rian, kissing him again, softer this time. 

“You never know.”

“Hell would freeze over before I said no to marrying you. You’re the love of my life,” he says, quietly. Rian smiles, pressing another kiss to his lips. 

“Hey, is something burning?” Rian asks after a few moments, when he realizes he smells smoke. 

“Oh shit!” Jack yells, turning frantically to fix the burning quesadillas, fanning the smoke to stop it from setting off the smoke detector. Rian laughs, helpless in the face of Jack’s panic, Camden’s distressed barking. It’s perfect, it’s everything Rian’s ever wanted in life. It’s everything he’s wanted since he met Jack at Alex’s brunch. It’s the life he’s always wanted.

[messykingofcamp]

Answer the first ten questions of the 4:02 am ask meme king!☺️

1.) Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance?

To be honest with everyone on here, no. I’m actually unbothered by my cosmic insignificance. If I was cosmically significant, I just wouldn’t know how to handle something like that. Would I use my popularity to end cringe culture, or would I invent a completely new and worse cringe culture? I don’t know, and I would not like to find out. Most people don’t even know my Subway sandwitch order so cosmic significance would be too much for me.

2.) Do you mourn for a place or a person you’ve never known?

Well I have never mourned for a place I have never known because that would be super awkward. But yeah, I can say that I’ve mourned someone who I thought I knew but actually didn’t. Sometimes I think that maybe I should have gotten to know him better but then I wonder if I should have known him at all. Ha, who knows? I’m just a gay clown.

3.) Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?

I feel like I don’t have the authority to answer this. I guess there can’t be someone for everyone, right? That sounds like it would be impossible.

4.) Do you place any value in gender roles?

I value pretty much any expression of gender on this Tuesday afternoon, whether you’re ultra feminine or really masculine or a fun combination. I don’t like gender roles though, because I don't think we should trap ourselves in roles. Take me for example, I present more masculine and yet I like being banged until the sun comes up. Or take Fangs, he looks gayer than I do but he can't even sit through the Sound of Music. Or hey, even Archie. He’s a big football guy, champion boxer, owns a gym, and you expect him to be this semi-sexist man’s man but he’s the nicest guy I know!

5.) Do you have to be related to be family?

I do not know. In my case, friends can sometimes feel like family. My friends definitely know more about me than my family, and I probably spend more time with them than I do with my family members. Don’t feel bad for me, my extended family and I both approve of this distance and would like to continue it for as long as possible!

6.) Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones?

Are you kidding? I have never romantically gone to B*** M***** with a guy and bonded while ******** out of season fruits. I have never romantically thrown a pumpkin into the road with a guy. I have never romantically been Exit Counseled, and I’ve never had a romantic sleepover. I’ve never romantically listened to Tony’s death on full volume or romantically studied for finals while watching Flavor of Love reruns. I don’t think friendship is better than romance, but it’s great and you can do all kinds of things with your friends that you would never do around a boyfriend (at least before I met Fangs dshhssjbhs)

7.) Are you in love? Do you want to be?

Those are two different questions so I need to unpack them both. Firstly, am I in love? I would not like to answer and am scared to address this further. Secondly, do I want to be in love? Of course! In a perfect world where guys don’t skip town, disappear or say they’re straight I would love to be in love. A lot of my friends are in love and it seems like a good time. I’m just afraid that my kind of love would be different from their kind of love.

8.) Do you think you can put love into categories or is it just one general sensation?

The love I feel for a fun fair hot dog with extra mustard on a Summer day is not the same love I feel for a hot gang member who is packing a larger than average appendage, so I would say that there are different kinds of love. Even family and friend love are really different. If I ever texted my dad the way I texted my friends, he would sign me up for baseball camp and never talk to me again. He’d do it slowly, but I’d know that he’d be giving off hints. He’d suddenly spend more time at the El Royale helping Archie and would leave the house for hours to “mow the lawn.”

9.) Would you be happy with a life without romance?

wHEW, I do not think so. I couldn’t go my entire life without a romance. Now don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t have to be an endgame romance where we end up married and are forced to spend the rest of our lives with each other, but flings and relationships can be great.

10.) Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody?

Oh God, I hope not. I get a lot of crushes but love is a whole other ballpark, and I would not use it lightly.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 504

Let’s make this one quick, because tbh I really dgaf about Alicia and Isiah and I’m almost done with Maas’ new book so if any other’s in the Maaslander squad wanna chat about it, I have feelings.

They’re really dragging this Bonnet thing out, aren’t they. I mean, the books did too, but they could have, ya know, AdApTeD. Le sigh.

Hallo the house is the olde timey version of texting “here” when you get to your buddy’s place.

This episode could really be titled Men Suck.

I mean really. Roger? The Browns? Bonnet? Even fucking Elijah Ford manages to suck and we never even see him!

Jamie doesn’t suck much in this episode. Which is a nice change of pace for him. But he’s been headcanon’ed beyond recognition so whatevs.

Fergus doesn’t suck. Fergus is always the exception who can hang with the ladies because he’s cool enough to be in the good squad.

I just fucking love Fergus ok.

As someone who *hates* shopping, back in the day shopping seems like my exact version of hell.

Also, like, have these fuckers not learned their lessons about not communicating? They don’t need to fucking tell everyone the whole truth, but come the fuck on. They can at least give the Ridge Squad a heads up to not fuck with rando Irishmen who may show up.

I swear, they’re all so dumb it hurts.

Also, Bree, girl. You’re talking to an old Scottish lady. Maybe don’t shit on the Irish in a way that also directly applies to her.

Alicia was Mr. Darcy’s daughter on Ripper Street, right? She looks super familiar.

I’m offended on Fergus’ behalf that they’re wasting so much of his whisky with that leaky stopper, tbh.

Ah, toxic masculinity and patriarchal bullshit. Right up there with rape as my FaVoRiTe way to demonstrate that ye olde times sucked.

It’s like dialed to 11 this episode so obvi I spent the majority of it rolling my eyes.

The Jamie and Claire with the baby stuff was solid though.

And thank fuck they refer to her as Bonnie. Like, Diana is notoriously bad with names, but come the fuck on. Alicia Brown and Alicia Beardsley in like the same few chapters? THERE ARE A LOT OF NAMES IN EXISTENCE, DIANA. IT’S OK TO BRANCH OUT A BIT.

Every time something like this comes up, I remember that there’s another random Randall but like as a first name, I think, in the Gathering Without End. Because of course.

Fergus should really be a fucking diplomat. I mean really.

I am approximately 1000% over sing-alongs with Roger. Can we hang the fucker already so he can’t talk anymore?

Yay freedom! You know what goes well with freedom? An incestuous throuple. You do you, Beardsleys.

“You’re 14.” “Uh, I am clearly in my mid-20s.” “Nope, 14.” “Cool cool. Message received.”

“Congratulations, you work fast milord.” I JUST FUCKING LOVE FERGUS SO MUCH.

Seriously, this show needs more Fergus. Also more Fergus, Bree and Marsali bonding. Like, if we’re gonna have an episode about randos, we clearly could have better used the time to have the Fraser kiddos bonding.

“When in Rome...” STFU, Roger. Cosplaying your way through history like you’re on a fieldtrip isn’t cute. It’s fucking annoying. And you wonder why Jamie doesn’t like you. You are an eminently unlikable person.

Roger would def be the guest the hosts in Westworld want to kill.

The only good part about this side-quest is that there’s so much of Jamie telling Roger he sucks. And really, I’m here for any and all of Roger being told he sucks.

Ok but literalol at how badly Caitriona/Claire knocked over her mug. She like put it down fine and then tipped it over.

Oh hey, I wonder who that rando doctor who gives the weird advice is.

Lucinda is a cinnamon roll.

“Beauchamp, Randall, Fraser, now Rawlings? Ye have another husband I should ken about?” “Well, not yet, but you know your buddy who’s in love with you? Well...”

Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp Randall Fraser Randall Fraser Grey Fraser is a very respectable name.

DON’T MAKE FUN OF THE DRINK OF FERGUS’ PEOPLE, BROWN MAN.

Literally the whole time in Brownsville all I could think was fuck, I really don’t want them to do the ABOSAA bit with them next season but I know they’re gonna and I already don’t want to waste time doing fucking recaps.

I’m bored.

Fuck there’s still half an hour left.

“What sort of man would I be if I allowed a lady to sleep out with the militia on a cold, dark night?” Idk, the kind of man whose people kidnap and rape a lady? *preemptive rage intensifies*

I know I should be freaking out that Bree’s freaking out that Bonnet kidnapped Jemmy, but all I could think of is the old podsa ads for SimpliSafe.

The Ridge needs SimpliSafay.

I fucking hate this storyline with the passion of a thousand fiery suns, but I fucking love Marsali.

Omfg I know it’s Brownsville but them all being Browns is fucking like GoT shit. Like, diversify your gene pool, y’all.

Ok, glad there’s finally a Marsali and Bree scene. But I still wish they could hang and like chat about stuff like pals.

That being said, MARSALI IS A FUCKING SAINT AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

And of course, more violence against women. Because we can’t go two seconds without reminding the audience that the past is Bad and Dangerous for women.

Also, is Marsali still preggo? Which baby are we on? What time is it? How much longer is left in this season episode?

Cute of Claire to be like hey, Rog, Jamie’s trusting you with me! His favorite thing! Like Jamie’s not actually trusting Claire with his daughter’s dipshit husband.

Oh hey, remember how Brianna can draw Bonnet fairly accurately? Sure would be nice if there was a way to, idk, show those pics to folks on the Ridge. Just spit-balling here, but like, maybe giving folks a heads up would be a good idea. Kind of like how she fuCKING COULD HAVE DRAWN ROGER LAST YEAR BECAUSE TALKING ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND IS A NORMAL THING TO DO WITH FAMILY AND THEN WE WOULDN’T HAVE HAD ROGERGATE AND OMFG THE DUMB. IT HURTS SO MUCH.

Claire just fucking yeeted that baby lol.

For real though, literalol at Jamie like taking his coat off and being all dramatic as he prepares to... play DDR.

omega psi chi phi upsilon tau sigma rho pi omicron xi nu mu lambda kappa iota theta eta zeta epsilon delta gamma beta alpha

Drunk!Claire is back!

I fucking love drunk!Claire. So does Jamie.

The scene where they talk about raising the baby together is adorable. But also, like, Jamie, you’re grandparents now. All the good parts of parenting with none of the shitty parts! And y’all have been through enough shit in your lives that you deserve all the fluffy grandparenting!

“And Marsali and Fergus... Well, I’m sure they will keep the Ridge sufficiently populated if that’s what you’re worried about.” “ Yeah, that lass is with child every time Fergus lays eyes upon her.” WHERE IS THE LIE THO.

Joking aside though, they’d better keep giving Marsali more stuff to do than spit out babies. *aggressively side-eyes a certain author who DiDn’T lIkE wRiTiNg AbOuT kIdS*

Good on them for tweeting out the suicide prevention hotline. Literally the least they can do.

I’m barely really trying to give a shit about Alicia and Isiah, but alas, idgaf.

Literally the only good thing about this whole story line is Isiah being like “step the fuck off, you raging hypocrites” to Roger and Jamie.

[100storiesin2020]

Chapter 10: Welcome Home, Henry

Guess who’s back, yall! Come read on AO3!

******

Henry took a deep breath as he looked up at the Foxhole Court. He was a nervous ball of excited energy, emotions matching the bright shade of orange that surrounded him, almost too much to handle. He’d always loved cheerleading, but hadn’t exactly had the option to pursue that at Aglionby.

It wasn’t ‘a proper demonstration of masculinity’, whatever that meant. Henry smiled, remembering the fit that Blue had thrown when she first heard that phrase. He didn’t much care for the concept of masculinity himself. He just wanted to cheer, to yell, to tumble across the floor, and to be part of something bigger than himself. He wanted to put all his energy to a good use, and cheerleading seemed like a fun way to do that. Plus, he could be close to his friends that way. Exy wasn’t his forte, but he could, at least, make sure to be at all the games. This was his chance. With just one full week left before school started, the Vixens were holding open tryouts, followed by a week-long cheerleading camp. If he made it in today, he’d be set.

His phone started ringing, interrupting his thoughts. It was his mother’s ringtone. He ran his hand through his spiky hair and sighed as the country twangs blasted from his phone, then reluctantly answered. “Hey, mom.”

“I thought you were taking a gap year.”

Henry sighed again. “Not even going to start with a hello?”

His mother continued as if she didn’t hear him. “You’re welcome to start school right away, of course, but I would prefer to be told before you just show up in Palmetto.”

Henry rolled his eyes. “I stopped in to say hi to the Gang,” he told her. He really didn’t want to have the cheerleading discussion until after he made the team, assuming he did. “How did you know I was in Palmetto?”

“I always know where you are.”

“As much as I appreciate the in-case-of-kidnapping precautions,” he groaned, “I’d really rather you did not use them until after I get kidnapped.”

She laughed. “I didn’t, actually. One of my acquaintances was passing through and mentioned seeing you at the airport in Columbia. Complete coincidence. I hadn’t spoken to him in years, but he called to ask if I had any more magical items like RoboBee. Not RoboBee specifically,” she said hurridly, “but anything else along those lines.”

“I’m not asking Ronan if they have anything else lying around, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Oh, no,” she said airily, “I’ll ask the older Lynch boy about that. I was just wondering why you were in Palmetto. Enjoy seeing your friends. Keep an eye out.” She hung up before he could respond.

Mood soured, Henry picked up his backpack and started walking around the Court building. He knew the tryouts were here, and that he was on time but he wasn’t sure where -- there it was. A gate was open with a sign that said Cheerleading Tryouts and a large arrow pointing through. At least he knew where he was going now. Henry followed the arrows until he could hear music going. He walked through a final open door and found himself standing on the edge of the court.

It was a stunning view.

He was a little overwhelmed by the space. This was a proper stadium, so it was huge, and it was so orange why is this place so orange. Girls and guys alike were milling around on the court, warming up and chatting with each other.

A tall, redheaded girl ran up to him as he was taking in the view. “Hi! Are you here for tryouts?”

He flashed her a grin. “Sure am!”

“Sweet! I’m Katelyn. Come on over here, we will get you signed up.” She led him towards a table set up on one end of the court. “I’m excited to see you here. We always have plenty of girls come to tryouts, but we usually need to go recruiting to add boys to our ranks,” she grimaced. “Apparently they all think they’re ‘too manly’ for cheerleading.”

Henry laughed. “I went to an all-boys school, and we didn’t even have cheerleaders for that very reason.”

Katelyn groaned. “Sounds just about right, for the patriarchy. At least you’re not like that. Or, I assume you’re not, since you’re trying out. Do you have any cheerleading experience?” She eyed him up and down. “You look a little wiry to be lifting girls.”

Henry laughed. “Yeah, I haven’t done any of that,” he admitted. “I have done gymnastics though, and am decent at tumbling. Also my friends constantly accuse me of having too much energy for my own good, so I’ve got that going for me.”

She laughed. “An abundance of energy will help, yes. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Coach.” She pointed out various cheerleaders as they weaved through the crowd of hopefuls. “That’s Laura. She throws the best parties. That’s Pete, we dragged him in here freshman year and he stuck around. That’s Marissa.” She paused for a second as the brown haired girl walked past. “Are you straight?”

“Excuse me?”

“We have a bet going on,” Katelyn explained. “Marissa seems to have a knack for only flirting with boys who are not into girls. You don’t have to answer, but it would be fun to add you into the test pool, if you will.”

Henry smirked. “I’ll let you know if she flirts with me.”

Katelyn raised an eyebrow but didn’t push the subject. She pointed out a few more cheerleaders before they came to a table. “And this here is Coach Taylor.”

The coach was about Henry’s height if you accounted for the extra inch his hair gave him. She shook his hand firmly. “Hello, young man. I’m Samantha Taylor but these hooligans call me Coach Sam. Welcome to tryouts. What’s your name?”

“Henry Cheng, ma’am.”

Her iron grey eyes seemed to pierce his soul as she gave him a once over. “You look like you’re probably good at tumbling.”

Henry grinned. “That’s my specialty.”

A smile split her serious face, transforming her almost into another person. “I’m glad to hear that. Go warm up, I’ll look forward to seeing your skills.” He did so, chatting a bit with the many girls and handful of guys he saw while he stretched as thoroughly as he could. The Vixens as a whole seemed very nice, but Henry could tell that Katelyn was going to be his favorite.

Soon the tryouts were officially underway. Coach Sam took charge, leading the whole group through a short routine and then testing them on it in smaller groups. They did some cheers and some test lifts. Henry was new to this bit, but the others were helpful and encouraging. He wasn’t sure if he was doing well, but he was definitely having a lot of fun. Then it was time for tumbling skills, his chance to shine. He stood at the end of the mat, received his signal to go from Coach Sam, and took a deep breath.

run run roundoff handspring flip handspring handspring aerial

He stuck the landing with a flourish and looked over to where Coach Sam and her assistants were sitting with big grins. Katelyn ran up to him. “That was great!” she said enthusiastically. “We haven’t had any guys that could do proper aerials in ages! You’re going to be so much fun to work with!”

He gave her the trademark Henry grin. “I’m sure looking forward to it, assuming I make it in.”

“Oh, you will,” she stated. “I’ll take it up with C.S. myself if you don’t.”

**********

The results were posted and Henry was in. Almost all of the boys who had come to tryouts were in, except for a creep who had been thrown out after a rude comment to one of the girls. Still, he was the only boy who got a high five from the Coach, so that was something.

“Welcome to the team,” Katelyn said as everyone packed up their stuff. “Most of the team is going to go get pizza tonight. You in?”

Henry smiled but shook his head. “I’ve got some friends on the Exy team that I want to track down tonight.”

Katelyn raised an eyebrow. “You’re from Henrietta then?” Henry nodded, surprised. “My boyfriend is on the team. He’s been complaining about the freshman this year.” She smiled. “I’ve heard something about a pet bird.”

Henry laughed. “That would be Chainsaw. Ronan thinks he’s so edgy.”

Katelyn laughed. “Well, the Exy team is having a movie night, and I was off to it.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief. “Do your friends know you made the team?”

“They don’t even know I’m in the country right now,” he replied. “Want to help me surprise them?”

“Absolutely!” Katelyn fired off a quick text which was answered almost immediately. “They’re in the girls’ dorm room tonight. Do you need a ride over or do you have a car?”

“A ride would be great, as long as I get shotgun.” They headed to the parking lot and hopped into her car. Katelyn fired it up and drove towards the dorms.

“So what brings you to Palmetto, exactly? Did you come here specifically to be a Vixen or did you just like the school?”

“My friends all came here,” Henry responded. “I’m closer to them than I am to any family I have remaining, and I couldn’t leave them behind for long.” Katelyn’s eyes were soft. “As for cheerleading, I’ve always wanted to do it, but it wasn’t a deal breaker for college. I’d find something else to keep me busy, but it will be fun to watch the Squad at their games.”

“The games are great,” Katelyn agreed. “How did you meet the Squad?” Her lip twitched at the last word.

“Oh, fancy rich kid boarding school, you know how it goes.” Henry waved a hand airily. “You scare a boy half to death and he adopts you into his magical myth-hunting squad.”

Katelyn laughed heartily as they pulled into the parking lot. “That sounds like a story I need to hear sometime.” She parked her car and they headed into the building. “I’m going to stop by my room and change real quick. Would you like to do that?” Henry agreed, and they took turns in her bathroom. The dorms were fairly nice, in Henry’s opinion. Once they had both freshened up a bit they climbed the stairs to the 6th floor.

Katelyn pointed out the correct door. “I usually just walk in since they know I’m coming. Do you want to know or would you rather sneak in behind me?”

“I have an even better idea.” He reached into his bag and pulled out RoboBee, which he handed to her. “This is RoboBee. I can control her from my phone, so don’t be surprised if she moves, okay?”

Katelyn inspected it. “Isn’t one of your teammates deathly afraid of bees? Aaron told me that all three of the boys freaked when a wasp got into the room. Matt had to go kill it for them.”

“Blue told me all about that one. Gansey is allergic to bees, but he knows RoboBee. Plus, if I scare him again that’ll just be a bonus!”

Katelyn laughed and took the bee. “This will be interesting then.” She opened the door and walked in. “The fun has arriiiiiiived! Thank you very much.”

“Stop quoting the movie before Neil sees it!” a boy called. The door swung shut behind her. He typed some instructions into the RoboBee app and waited. The commotion started about 30 seconds later. “A bee! A bee! Everyone hold still, I’ve got this!” said an unknown voice. Then there was Blue. “Hold up, that’s RoboBee! Don’t smash it!! HENRYYYYYYYYYY!” She threw the door open and launched herself at Henry, tackling him to the ground as RoboBee buzzed in circles around them.

Blue had her true smile on. “You’re supposed to be in Venezuela!” She helped him up and gave him a hug. “Also you scared Gansey shitless, I hope you know.”

Henry laughed. “I wanted to surprise you guys. The scare was a bonus.” He looked up to see Gansey himself in the doorway, looking a little shaken but overall happy. “Gansey-boy!” It’s good to see you!”

“It’s a pleasure to see you as well!” Gansey replied before joining the hug.

Some more faces came to the doorway. “So this is the famous Henry,” Captain Wilds said. “Blue talks about you even more than she does her own boyfriend.

He chuckled. “I hope you haven’t gotten any ideas about that working out,” he said to Blue.

She shoved him away. “In your dreams, weirdo.”

“She didn’t even mention that you’re cute as hell,” a boy said. Henry was pretty sure that it was number 8, Nicholas Hemmick. “That’s a crucial detail.”

“Depends on who you ask, I think. Where are Adam and Ronan?”

“Oh, they’re in here,” Captain Wilds said.

“Yes, Ronan has missed you,” Blue said loudly.

“Shut up, maggot!”

“He even said you can get glitter in his car any time.”

“I did NOT!”

Gansey spoke over their continued bickering. “What brings you to our lovely corner of the world, Cheng? Last we heard you were still in Venezuela.”

“You’re talking to one of the newest members of the Vixens,” Henry replied.

“No way!” Blue high fived him. “I thought you were going to try out in the spring!”

“I couldn’t wait. I missed you all too much,” he admitted.

“We missed you too.” Blue grinned and dragged him into the room. “Hey everyone, this is Henry Cheng, one of our best friends and apparently now a Vixen. Henry, you knew who everyone on the team was before we did, but that one-” she pointed to the Minyard twin sitting next to Neil “-is Andrew, and that one there next to Katelyn is Aaron. And on that note, we have some catching up to do so we will see you all later.” She dragged him back out of the room. “Adam, Ronan, we’ll be in your room whenever you come back.

“But you can’t just ditch movie night!” Nicky called, pouting.

“Try me!” she slammed the door. “Anyway, Henry, let’s all do a sleepover in the room tonight! It’ll be like old times!”

“We should look into the Fox Tower rules, see if we can add you to our room,” Gansey said.

“As much as I like that idea, I’m probably going to be put in a room with my fellow Vixens. I’m pretty sure we are just downstairs though, so I won’t be too far, and I wouldn’t want to bother you guys.”

Gansey looked stricken. “You’d never be a bother. You’ve been with us since-- you’re a part of us now,” he said softly.

Henry hugged him. “I’ve missed you guys.”

Both of them hugged him right back. “Welcome home, Henry,” Gansey said.

[morievna]

Strangler Fig and Given - Ritsuka

I hope that everybody who is reading it is okay. It is rather anxious what is happening now... Personally I am fine – I am healthy and lucky enough to work remotely from home. And marathoning Twoset violin vids xD

I have realized recently that I rarely wrote about Ritsuka outside chapter analysis. I like him, but his character arc after volume 2 is kind of stuck and sometimes he is only there as Mafuyu’s boyfriend. Hopefully, it is just slow build-up since current arc provided some opportunities to explore his character further. Actually now I am interested when it all will go and whether story will take some a bit dark turn. Well, Gusari likes drama so who knows ^^

What got me thinking more about him is that when I reread Strangler fig some time ago, I noticed something interesting:

This part from Ritsuka POV  (chapter 23) reminded me of Seiji POV from Strangler Fig:

Even though it is worded differently, it is rather similar way of thinking about who needs more somebody in relationship. As though characters Seiji and Ritsuka are very different, both stories are about struggling with repressed feelings and relationships entwined with dependency, jealousy and possessiveness.

But before going deeper, there is another interesting thing – how perfectly fits symbolism of titular strangler fig with all of it.

Strangler fig was named for their pattern of growth upon host trees, which often results in the host’s death. Beginning life as a sticky seed left on a high tree branch by an animal, the young strangler lives on the tree’s surface. As it grows, long roots develop and descend eventually reaching the ground and entering the soil. Several roots usually do this, and they become grafted together, enclosing their host’s trunk in a strangling latticework, ultimately creating a nearly complete sheath around the trunk.

Although a strangler fig often smothers and outcompetes its host, there is some evidence that trees encased in strangler figs are more likely to survive tropical cyclones, suggesting that the relationship can be somewhat mutualistic.

[source]

Note here that whether we are thinking about the positive or negative, the idea is to use the symbolism for self-introspection and personal growth, so even if we are looking at the negative aspects, it helps to approach this symbolism with the intention of achieving transcendence. Intuitively, it is not difficult to see that dependency and possessiveness emerges as a theme in the strangling fig story. Are we forming a dependency on a person that is ‘strangling’ him or her? Are we using a person as a clutch for personal gain? Are we possessive in our personal relationships?

[source]

I found it pretty fascinating – thanks Kizu Natsuki for opportunity to learn some random tree facts xD

Okay, I am going to compare Ritsuka and Seiji - there will be some spoilers for Strangler Fig, but more just about character than plot. At the end there will be some speculation where I think story may go.

At starting point both of their relationship with respective love interest are quite similar – they both see themselves are protector of his beloved one. Seiji regarded Akira as crybaby and Ritsuka thought of Mafuyu as adopted stray dog. That’s why both of them was acting as they are more dependable one, who has to look after another. Of course I don’t mean it as something bad, I think just some people feel better when they are in charge actively and taking care of others as having some control of situation and not being helpless.

As story progresses relationships changes as well – in SF it is more direct like the quote I attached at the begining, where Seiji realized that relationship is not so simple and he needs Akira more than he thought previously. In Given it is shown more gradually with Ritsuka realizing Mafuyu’s influence on his music and what it really means. Over time Ritsuka is no longer teaching Mafuyu, but realized that his own music changed and that he have feelings for him – we see him struggling accepting sexual orientation. But after advice and support of others he is able to confess his feelings before live performance, which ultimately leads to him and Mafuyu getting together.

The same struggle has Seiji – as he tried to suppress his feelings while dating multiple girls at the same time. It was also related with family expectation – being heir to rich family, which owns big company and he was strained by it. We see much later in the story how much his father’s acceptance of his sexuality puts him at peace and allowed him to move forward.

But before that happened – there was a domino effect that led to tension and later separation between him and Akira. The factors were as mentioned earlier –  trying to suppress his love as well as  jealousy and possessiveness over Akira. Besides, he was unsure what Akira was thinking and feeling of him and that’s why later seeing Akira’s jealousy made big impression on him.  

In Given there are similar motives as well, jealousy is often brought up in Ritsuka’s arc as he is struggling with his feelings for Mafuyu. So let’s take closer look.

In chapter 18 there was Ritsuka’s outbreak about his jealousy of spending so much time with Akihiko. I found it interesting especially that he looks up to Akihiko a lot – whatever is it wanting to be muscular like him or looking for advice. All of it looks to me as he is insecure and afraid that Mafuyu will chose somebody better than him (in his mind).

It maybe is a stretch, but it is interesting how he commented to not wanting to be feminine while Akihiko appears to be more hmm traditionally masculine at first glance. But I am not sure that Gusari intended Given as gender commentary, so I won’t look deeper into this since it is a bit tricky topic. But still you can see that Ritsuka has a set of expectation about what he wants himself to be.

His insecurities showed back again in chapter 23 – he still is unsure what Mafuyu thinks of him and what wants out of their relationship. All makes him more trying to control and suppress his desires. In addition, he is afraid that he will hurt Mafuyu. Just like in Strangler Fig – Seiji is pretty much fearful too that his feelings will consume and destroy Akira. Both of them are quite unsure how to express their love and affection and fear that it will turn badly.

When Mafuyu mentioned that there was similar clock in Yuki’s home, Ritsuka’s reaction is quite telling too. It is interesting that he perceived it as some sort of test. To me it feels like he want to be worthy of replacing Yuki in Mafuyu’s life – like wanting to not be worse than him and setting expectation which he thinks that has to fulfill. It is interesting how much jealousy and insecurity are combined together.

In addition, this theme reappears in mix_3

It is quite peculiar how much is not believing that Yuki was that good in music – as it was easier for him if it was otherwise. It lines up with text on cover of this chapter – Ritsuka wanting to forget that Yuki possesed many of Mafuyu’s firsts. Again, insecurity.

As mentioned earlier – seeing Akira being jealous gave Seiji clue about he is thinking about him. I think it is possible that we see something like that in Given too.

Way back in chapter 5 there was jealous Mafuyu, but back then he couldn’t talk about his feelings. Although a lot changed since then, but still he has some problems with that (which is totally understandable) and his character development is not over after all. I think it would be good to see him exploring and expressing more negative emotions since it is important to acknowledge them too. So I think it will be something another situation with in the future and he will express and handle it better. Personally I think it would be interesting if it would be similar to mentioned case with Ritsuka and Akihiko – feeling jealous over person he looks up to like for instance Ugetsu.

On the side note, I will be surprised if there is none of interaction between Ugetsu and Ritsuka in the future. Or rather it would be wasted potential. To be honest I considered it a bit weird that Ritsuka was called a prodigy around volume 3. I would say he always appeared to be quite skilled and very hard-working since he was young, but being prodigy is sort of different thing. It would make more sense to me if it was done on purpose that he and Ugetsu would foil each other at some point and have some sort of dynamic like Oikawa and Kageyama from Hq. Besides, it would be interesting to see Ritsuka questioning his own talent and reasons to play music.

So where it all leads? *ominous voice*

Okay, so I will run wild with speculation.

As I mentioned several times before I think that Mafuyu will sing Yuki’s song and perform together with Ritsuka and Hiiragi and Shizu. My main reason behind is that it would be good closure for the story, tying past and future together into something new. But I am afraid that lots of drama will lead to that.

I think that current situation will escalate – Ritsuka will be more and more engaged in playing with Hiiragi’s band instead of Given. As a way to prove himself to be not worse than Yuki he will keep working hard and focusing more on music than anything else. Which of course will bring Mafuyu anxiety since it will remind of his past and will make him worry that it will repeat.

I think there will be some argument between Ritsuka and Mafuyu and it will too overlap with some Akihiko-Haruki drama (since Akihiko is trying to balance violin and drums I am expecting some collision like violin contest and Given performance happening in the same time. And you know these instruments have double meaning xD), which all of it will cause that they will disband or simply stop playing together for a while depending how much angst Gusari wants.

I think that Yayoi will try to make up for her mistake and nudge Ritsuka into talking with Mafuyu. Then they will finally talk about his past with Yuki (I mean it has to happen at some point) and make it up. Then I think there will be proposition for Mafuyu to play with them and sing Yuki’s song.

After all music is foundation for Given, but still main theme is love story. So I believe it is not about small band becoming successful, but rather showing Mafuyu’s journey – how he healed from past trauma and regained back love (Ritsuka) and community (Hiiragi and Shizu) as well as reconcile at spiritual level with Yuki by playing his song. This is how end of his arc would felt satisfactory to me, but we will see what Gusari is planning. Of course, I don’t expect to be right about everything, it is more that these are themes I expect to appear in story.

As always thanks for reading.

[starsandamorphinetoast]

Full-Time Restaurant Manager, Part Time Starving Artist

Hey folks, I hate to do this and I hate that I’ve done it a couple times in the past two years, but here we are.

Me too, John, but love ain’t pay the bills 🤷‍♂️

I’m going through a lapse in funds at the moment that is going to make the next few days very trying. If anyone is willing and able to help me out in getting some gas and food for the next few days, I would be unbelievably grateful. I would also be happy to go at it like commissions if anyone is interested. I do photo editing, landscape digital paintings, write lyrics and music and poetry, etc.

If anyone wants to help but also doesn’t want to be out any money, if you want to lend me money instead of giving me money, I can and will pay you back by this Friday at the very latest.

Cashapp is $indy330

Venmo is @Indy330

Dramatic (and relatively interesting?) backstory below:

I work near constantly as one of the managers at a cafe where I’ve been working on and off for going on six years. I started there when I was sixteen, and I’ve left, sought out better employment, tried to go to university, but I keep falling on hard times and having to go back with my tail tucked between my legs at least (3?) times? I’ve lost count.

The owners are scum, tbh, and they take advantage of, manipulate, and screw over the majority of the staff constantly.

Ex: when I became a manager my boss was supposed to give me a raise. It’s a family owned business and they don’t pay much overall. As a regular employee I was still only making $8.50/hr despite being one of two of their longest lasting employees and having the most experience. I didn’t get the raise for a month, my paychecks still had me making the same wages. Four years ago, I knew the manager pay for new managers was $9. So I told my boss I expected to be given a fifty cent raise to $9/hr.

My text message: “I’ve been a manager for about a month now and never received my raise. I’d like to make $9/hr. That’s shift manager wage, right? Can you also adjust the wages for the checks where I’ve been a manager and pay me the difference?”

His response: “yes”.

Come to find out, shift manager starting wage was raised two years ago to $10.50. The boss didn’t lie about it, or at least he can claim that he didn’t, because I asked two questions in my text and he only replied with an affirmative. I suppose it was for the second question, because he raised me to $9, the old wage, knowingly and willfully deceiving me and underpaying me.

On top of that, I’m a trans man. When I started there I wasn’t out and was still female presenting and still going by my birth name. Then I came out and began using my chosen name, Indy. The switch happened pretty seamlessly, nobody seemed to struggle with calling me by my new name and pronouns. The first check after I asked for my raise in early February had my deadname on the envelope. First time this man has written that on something in three years. Pretty shitty.

I was finally able to move back out of my abusive mother’s home, but she wouldn’t let me take some of the bedroom furniture that I’ve had in my past two apartments because she’s the one that paid for the furniture, not me. I don’t think that makes any sense because this is furniture she bought for me back when I was a kid. It’s been mine my whole life but all of a sudden it’s not.

I’ve been able to buy a few things, a small set of plastic drawers for my clothes, a stool for my keyboard, and a closet organizer you know? Just some storage/organization things mostly, to help me keep track of my things and my life. As an autistic person, if I don’t have things laid out in some kind of organizational method, I’ll flounder and get overwhelmed and will usually be late to work or any of my other responsibilities because I’m struggling to find things and/or struggling to leave the house, obsessive over the haphazard conditions.

I’m in a bind now. I only have 23 miles to empty in the tank and I live about 15 miles from work. I won’t even make it there and back once without some gas money, and I don’t get paid until Thursday, 3/12. I work multiple days between now and then. The only option I have is basically to take the few things I’ve bought back to the store and get refunded for them in order to be able to work.

I also have fallen into a bad cycle of not eating for days on end, partly because I don’t take care of myself in general, and partly because I can’t afford to. I’ve been waiting to eat until after work, getting a dollar menu item at McDonald’s to hold me over.

I had already lost some weight, which was mostly due to a crucial medication I take that kills my appetite. At first I was really excited about it. I looked more masculine, more lean, you know. Size 34 pants that had fit me in late 2018 were now too big. I went down a size. Then those were too big, but I kept wearing them because I couldn’t afford new ones all throughout the spring and summer this past year. Once I had saved up some money, around November/December, I went out and got some new pants, size 30. They fit perfect. It’s now March and I’m mostly wearing my boyfriend’s size 28 pants, down two more sizes in less than three months. I’ve gone from being 165 pounds to being more like 125. In less than two years.

I would really appreciate anything anyone can do. Thanks for you time

✌️❤️

[msjr0119]

Cordonian Wags

Part 15- Malice

In a world full of Professional footballers and their demanding wives- can their football team nicknamed the ‘Cordonian Apples’ succeed? An American female physiotherapist joins the club. Will this cause issues with the footballers wives?

*This series is based on The Royal Romance characters who belong to Pixelberry - AU Plot switch*

Tags: @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @whenyourheartskipsabeat @jovialyouthmusic @nz1091 @yukinagato2012 @indiacater @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @cordonianroyalty

******

Lindsey-

Myself and Olivia have been socialising all day. If myself and Leo are going to elaborate on our relationship, I’ll need to get to know his sister in law. She’s a snotty wag, but deep down she is friendly if you get to know her. I wouldn’t piss her off though. I’m debating returning home to New York, the original plan was to come short term after my kid sister was an emotional wreck. And that was before all the drama with Xavier had occurred.

We have an early brunch, Olivia’s type of brunch is opulent - it had to include sparkly champagne along with appetisers, why not? They can afford this luxury.

A few hours pass by, Liam and Leo return unexpectedly early. Their faces are like thunder. Noticing Leo’s swollen hand, I dread to think what has happened at training. Leo explained what my brother in law had done. My heart sunk for Drake and Riley- I’m not sure if I’m disappointed in Leo for interfering or whether I’m proud that he can defend my sister.

Later that night, Leo is asleep. The house is quiet. I am going to use this situation to pay someone a visit- I am ready to wreck vengeance.

*****

Drake-

That bastard really hit me good and hard. If he and Kiara were in a boxing match, I honestly wouldn’t be able to predict who would be the champion. Riley was fussing over me as we were leaving the stadium. I needed to contain a slight bit of masculinity, I now know that she loves me and this is the reasoning for her caring so much. She is an angel. I would take any bit of pain to ensure that she is safe. I insisted on her staying at mine or for me to stay at hers- but she said she would see me in the morning before the match. I am going to spoil her in the morning- it’s the least she deserves. I’m excited about giving her her birthday presents. I hope she likes them.

Laying in bed, I send Riley a goodnight text- when her name appears on my phone, my heart flutters. When I asked her if she would marry I didn’t expect a response- but her answer has been lingering in my mind ever since. Maybe in the future. Maybe if that arsehole divorces her- if he loved her as he says he does he would do the right thing. Thinking about Xavier and Riley riles me up, maybe i am feeling jealous- I don’t know? But just the sight of him and Constantine makes me feel sick. They are both as bad as each other.

Getting in my truck, I need to fix this mess. I need to prevent Riley from gaining more heartbreak.

*****

Olivia-

Myself and Lindsey had become close since I had offered for her and Leo to stay with us. We live in a mansion- there’s plenty of room for strays. I had my doubts about the homewrecker sisters to begin with- I slightly felt a touch of empathy towards Kiara and Maddy but the Brooks sisters are better suitors. And that is hard for me to admit. My husband and brother in law arrive home- early. Rolling my eyes back, I wondered what trouble they had caused. After their explanation- I am so proud of them for sticking up for our misfit group of friends. I’ve never liked my father in law, and I most certainly will never like my other brother in law. How Riley is still here I don’t know? I’m ready to murder the two men- how is she not?

Myself and Liam have passionate sex later that night, I watch him fall to sleep- knowing that I had fulfilled him. Sneaking out of the house, I knew I was the only person who had the balls to express my true feelings to the bastards that hurt my family. No one messes with a Nevrakis.

*****

Riley-

I can’t help but feel guilty for my previous past decisions. My boyfriend, and my brother in laws all had my back. Drake had been through enough trauma with Kiara, and was now dealing with my estranged husband. He wanted to spend the night with me, but I just wanted to relax before the match tomorrow and my birthday. I promised to see him in the morning- a smile came across his face which made my heart flutter. Since we have become official, he always sends me a goodnight and a good morning text - the simple gestures such as these are all a girl needs to feel loved. My eyes feel heavy, but my brain won’t shut down. I need to speak to him in person, I need closure- so myself and Drake can live a happy life. I need revenge for all the hurt I have received. Getting in my car, I know where I’m going.

****

Liam-

I’m furious with my father, and with Xavier. Why would they want to hurt Riley even more than they already have? I’m glad Leo taught him a lesson, because I wasn’t ready to start beating him to a pulp. Olivia would potentially berate me for it. But if anything else occurs- I’ll be ready and waiting. Debating whether to class Constantine as my father anymore, I know that karma will haunt him eventually. To myself and Leo- he may as well be dead. He’s never really loved us- all he wanted was the fame due to our talent. I will never be a father like he is, and I most certainly would treat any family member like he has. He is despicable. He is evil. One day someone will murder him- and I won’t blame them.

*****

Madeleine -

I feel so lonely in this mansion on my own. I’ve signed the divorce papers at last- I am worth more than Leo anyway. I am going to steal everything that I am owed. He never truly loved me anyway- the feeling wasn’t mutual to begin with, but I’ve learnt to find something else to love. Someone else to love. He knows all about my flaws. He may not return my love, like Leo did. But I can easily get him into bed. I am his drug- do I feel sorry for Regina? No. I am Madeleine, I get what I want. Due to the humiliation from Leo, I am going to be stronger than ever and not accept anymore shit. If the person I love betrays me in any way- he will be going to hell.

****

Kiara-

Living with my parents is a nightmare. Self infliction some people may say. I love Drake. I regret hurting him. My fingers always seem to type Riley Lopez into google. It irritates me but I can’t help it. I see a picture of her and Drake all loved up at the forgotten falls. I’ve lost him. But I intend on getting him back - il est à moi. Some people may think I’m psycho, yes maybe I am. But there’s always been that one person who has supported me, in an odd sort of way. We have a past. A secret. That only the two of us and Drake knows about. I need to see that someone as soon as possible. I need to get my life back. Au Reviour, Riley.

*****

Leo-

They say you can choose your friends but not family. That is true. Thankfully I have Liam. The only family member I can rely on. When I first met Riley, I was attracted to her- thank goodness it didn’t go any further. She’s my sister in law, and I intend on killing my father and other brother for hurting her. I found out that Madeleine had signed our divorce papers- I’m thrilled. I can finally live a life not being the playboy- I’ve fallen hard for a girl. If I have to commit murder to protect her and her sister, I would do it in a heartbeat. Lindsey must be in the bathroom, I’m going to sneak out and have words with the people who betray any members of my family.

******

Xavier-

Those set of bastards. They should be supporting their brother and manager. I knew it would be hard to settle anywhere new, especially after my past. But I have changed. I’m going to prove everyone wrong and make amends. Walker is nothing special, Riley will still soon get bored. She thought she could run away- but now I’m back, I will prove I’m a changed man and make her fall back in love with me- ella es mía. Til death do us part. I’m going to resolve this issue, we both have a job to do. One way or another- I need to remove the burden and I know who I need to talk to about this. Heading out of my apartment, I hope that person is in.

*****

Bastien-

Those girls have been part of my family since they were born. When I had found out what had gone off at training, I knew I needed to support the two of them. The team has always had issues with affairs, drugs, any scandal you could imagine. I hope the press don’t blame Riley and Lindsey. Those two girls have a heart of gold and don’t deserve to be treated this way. They deserve every bit of happiness and I hope that Drake and Leo provide that. The tip of the ice burg for all this mess, is probably sat smirking - not giving a care about the issues surrounding him. Arsehole. He’s going to be taught a lesson tonight.

*****

Breaking News-

Constantine Rhys - The chairman of the apples has been found unconscious. Sources have suggested that his drink has been spiked, causing the black out. It is unknown if the match will go ahead tomorrow. We will let you know as soon as possible!

******

Riley drove straight over to Liam’s house, concerned about what she had seen on Twitter. Wondering if the others had heard, as Liam organised for everyone to meet there. It was 1am, usually on her birthday- she would be in bed at this time.

Walking through the doors, she received a cold reception from everyone.

“What’s up?” She asked, feeling paranoid.

“Have you been to the stadium tonight?” Bertrand had information about who had been to the stadium that day. Now Riley was here he needed to ask her. He had asked everyone else. Everyone else had been there between the hours of 9pm and 12am.

“Yes. I needed to have words with Constantine. But I didn’t make him collapse. I had left and he was fine, Bertrand. Where’s Drake?” They all looked concerned, wondering if he was the reasoning behind Constantine’s collapse due to his absence.

*****

Drake was about to leave to head up to Liam’s after the ‘emergency meeting’ text. Closing the door, Kiara was stood in front of him. The crocodile tears began to stream. Brushing past her, he didn’t want anything to do with her. She had come to his home- breaking her injunction rules. He knew if she didn’t leave he would have no option but to inform the police.

“Drake please, I need you back. I’ll marry you. We can have children. The family you always wanted.”

“NO!”

“What does she have that I don’t? You’ve known her all of two minutes. I can be like her.”

“You will never be like her. I love her, Ki. I loved you but you hurt me beyond words. Now please leave or I’m calling the police.”

“Can you see a future with her?”

“Yes. Now if you are done I need to be somewhere.”

“You know what Constantine did to me as a child. It’s messed with my head. I will be a better partner to you.” Before Drake could react, Kiara flung herself at him. Wrapping her arms around his neck- she dug her nails in- leave a little mark, Riley will leave you now.

“Get off me now! We are over!” Pushing her away, he witnessed sorrow in her eyes. Shaking his head, he got in his truck. I love Riley.

*****

No one could get in touch with Drake, they started to panic. The atmosphere in Liam’s living room was like a murder mystery ‘who done it’. All being questioned by Bertrand who was berating them all.

New sources from cctv, have shown that a few members from the Cordonian Apples team visited the stadium between the hours of nine pm and midnight. They were; Liam Rhys, Leo Rhys, Olivia Nevrakis-Rhys, Lindsey Brooks, Riley Brooks, Xavier Lopez, Drake Walker. There were also three other people, who cleverly disguised their identities. It is unknown if any of these people were involved in the chairman’s collapse.

“I know it’s not Maxwell, Hana, Zeke or Penelope. They all have alibis. Whoever it was I need to know. I don’t blame whoever did it. I can help whoever did it.” They all sat stunned in silence. Until they heard the door swing open, nearly taken off its hinges.

“Walker! Nice of you to turn up fashionably late!” Riley turned to Drake, smiling.

“Happy Birthday baby. I love you.” Placing a kiss on her cheek, she was happy to see him. All of them felt like they were in detention and Bertrand was the demon headmaster.

“Thank you. What happened to your neck?” Everyone turned to Drake, noticing dried blood on his neck, all assuming it was he who was involved with Constantine.

“Kiara. She came to mine.” Riley’s heart sunk, she felt sick- hoping there was a decent explanation and that she wasn’t about to become heartbroken.

“Wait? Kiara did that? Haven’t you got an injunction against her? Have you called the police?” Leo demanded an answer, still contemplating if he was telling the truth.

“No I didn’t call the police. I think they are a bit busy tonight- and besides I told her to leave, because you needed us all here.”

“You should have still called them you moron! Are you that stupid? What did she want?” Olivia now interrupted.

“She wanted me back, she said she would marry me, have my children.” Holding Riley’s hand, he witnessed her begin to shake. “But I don’t want that- I don’t want her, I told her that. I’m yours Riley.” Brushing her hands away, she needed some space. Wiping the tears away, as she walked into the bathroom. She knew he was being sincere. But it still hurt.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

“Yes. Sorry. I’m coming back.”

“He means what he says you know. He loves you. He would do anything for you. Bast has just arrived, he wants to talk to you.”

“Thanks Leo.”

*****

Riley composed herself as she walked downstairs with Leo, overhearing Bertrand and Olivia argue- this wasn’t the start of a birthday she had been hoping for. Bastien ran up to her, pulling her in for a hug.

“Happy birthday baby girl.”

“Thanks Uncle Bast.”

Bastien cleared his throat, demanding that Bertrand and Olivia put the daggers away.

“As you all know, it is technically my nieces birthday. Riley you have turned into a beautiful young lady, you have a heart of gold. I know life hasn’t been easy for you- but you are so strong. Your parents would be so proud of you. As we all are. I’ve supported you and Lindsey all of your life’s, and I will continue to protect you. I was the last person to see Constantine. I watched as you all visited him, I don’t think that he knew how much he was truly hated. But Xavier will be gone. Here. I managed to get Constantine to terminate his contract. I told your parents I would look after you. That bastard isn’t going to ruin your life anymore. Next step, is to get your divorce papers signed.”

Riley held the paper, shaking- remaining silent. Lindsey came over to her providing her with a smile. Explaining that Bastien had done it for her, she had forced him to help her with her plan and to not worry about the consequences.

Bertrand cleared his throat.

“Thank you for informing us Bastien. We all stick together as a team. If you need to, use each other as alibis. Liam, Liv we will all leave you in peace. See you all at the match!” Everyone said there goodbyes, all agreeing to stick by each other. Riley felt a bit of relief, but still needed Xaviers signature. Thoughts were roaming through her mind on how to convince him that the divorce was needed, were interrupted.

“Leave your car here. I’ll drive you home.”

“Drake, I’m fine. I’m capable of driving.”

“I know you are. I want to come back with you please.”

Riley nodded, Liam said he would get Olivia to drive her car to the stadium for the match.

Arriving at Riley’s apartment, she opened the door. Drake lingered in the living area as she got her nightwear back on. Walking over to him, her eyes gazed on his neck. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but she still had concerns regarding Kiara’s motives. No one had heard from either her or Madeleine in days.

“Drake? Do we need to be worried about Kiara?”

“No. I dealt with her. She tried to kiss me but I pushed her away. I’m telling the truth. You’re my girl now.”

Drake pulled her towards him into a tight hug that provided warmth and love. Forcing his lips onto hers, the drama that had occurred was a distant memory that would fade away every time she was around him - nothing in this world, felt as good as the sensation of his touch.

The kiss became more passionate before Drake began to remove her clothes, seductively. Once he had finished, his hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressed her cheek as their breaths increased in sync. She ran her fingers down his back, pulling him closer until there was no distance left between them. Feeling the rapid beating of his heart against her chest, she led him to her bed - teasingly stripping him out of his clothes. Pulling him down on to her as she laid on the bed, her hands explored his bare chest- whilst his hand gently glided through her curls. Slowly moving his hand down her curvy body, his fingertips met and circled her already soaking clit. Smiling at her as she let out a a shaky breath, he kissed her passionately as his fingers began moving rhythmically inside her.

“Drake... Oh...”

“Are you enjoying it?” He smirked, already assuming that he knew the answer.

“Yes....” she whimpered, whilst gripping his back- digging her nails in deeper at every movement he made.

“Do you want your first birthday present?” Drake asked in a seductive manner.

“I’ve already got my birthday present. That is you.” Drake noticed the sparkle in her eyes, staring at her his heart filled with joy at her appreciating him for who he was.

“I love you Riley. I’m going to be the man you deserve. You’re my number one priority- and today is all about you.” Before she could respond, he lowered himself on to her- feeling the skin to skin warmth. Slowly he entered her allowing her to adjust every inch of him- both moaning each other’s names. After the first few thrusts of a slow yet loving pace - he drove himself harder into her. She couldn’t contain the moans that escaped her lips, every deep move he made - she would climax again immediately, which made Drake even closer. He was almost there, but didn’t want it to end- he couldn’t help it. Slowing his movements down, she could feel his hot sperm spill into her. Shit we were supposed to be careful.

Drake removed himself off her, laying next to her cuddling her, and kissing her shoulders delicately. Their chests both rising and falling in sync, their breaths in unison, and the warmth coming from each other’s body provided comfort.

“My beautiful girl. I love you.”

“I love you too. But I really need sleep- unlike some I have to keep an eye on the ball in a few hours- no pun intended.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so damn gorgeous- I could have concentrated and avoided getting distracted and injured.”

“Shut up! Night.” Riley snuggled into his embrace and fell asleep immediately, Drake shortly followed.

*******

Waiting impatiently at the secret location which Constantine had advised him about, he couldn’t help but wonder if she would go through with it. Constantine had warned him that she would do anything for him. After seeing the breaking news regarding the man, Xaviers mind pondered if she was linked to it as she was late. A cab pulled up and he was relieved. Hoping she would bring some positive news.

“Did you do it? Did you see him?” Xavier whispered to her.

“Of course I did. I want him back as much as you want Riley back. Make sure no one has seen us.” Kiara snatched the envelope off him, scrutinising the area before she made a step forward to leave him.

“Don’t go spending that money stupid! If I don’t get my wife back I’ll be expecting it back.”

[prvntcessa]

reckoning;

𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝟐𝟏𝐒𝐓 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘.

you were wearing a blush ballgown so big you could hardly fit through the door. pink taffeta and lace everywhere, you felt more like a teacup or a cupcake than a respectable legal adult. you begged папа to let you change into something, anything less ridiculous than this my sweet sixteen monstrosity, but he was as stubborn and argumentative as you, plus he three times as long to polish it. like monopoly, you never won. 

when the picture-taking part rolled around, you sulked and scowled, making funny face after funny face, tongue out, eyes bulging when your father finally said STOP. he grabbed your hand, his eyes pleading. mischaya, please just one picture. i just want one picture where you look pretty. so you sighed, smoothed out your toddlers and tiaras nightmare and smiled. you looked beautiful. 

𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋.

папа invited the italians, he said that parties and celebrations were a good place to make negotiations because everyone was drunk and happy. leave it to vlad to turn your birthday party into a business meeting. папа had also mentioned in passing that one of the higher ups had brought his son with him, 𝐃𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑. there was another one he said, younger, more charismatic, but he couldn’t make it for whatever reason and was the prodigal son anyways. too messy, too u n p r e d i c t a b l e. dagger was calculated and serious, focused and reliable, he would be ‘ a good match ‘.

but you didn’t care about any of that. all you did from the moment you woke up was text 𝑬𝑵𝒁𝑶, your precious little regular guy new york boyfriend. you adored everything about him, the way the world stopped when he smiled, the crinkle in his nose when he was thinking about something important, his irrational fear of the saddle club. you held his hand the whole time.

all you wanted to do was stop the sneaking around, the hiding, the pretending. you just wanted to have him meet the family like all the other girls did with their boyfriends, but it was too dangerous. and besides, the girl that lorenzo liked was 𝐒𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐀 :

a cool, bouncy international business major with a perfect american accent, ceo of messy buns, whiskey spiked pumpkin spice, winning the Finish The Hotter Than Hell Godzilla Ramen In Under 30 Minutes Challenge at Miso Hungry because you could tell enz really wanted that giant gudetama plushie but was full after three bites ( we love u baby a for effort! ) and being a single mom to one fluffy demon cat.

but you were not sasha pierce, named for the iconic beyonce album, you were 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐀 dostoyevsky, named for the unborn son of vladimir dostoyevsky, kingpin of the bratva, the brotherhood of the russian mafia and your adopted father. 

and guys don’t typically like girls with a lot of baggage.

--- now, you always hated the men your father set you up with, but this time it was different, this time it was PERSONAL. 

𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟐𝟕𝐭𝐡.

it had to be special. it had to be perfect. you picked a time you knew enzo would be out, broke in through his apartment window ( ok, it was ONE TIME ), arranged all the bath and bodyworks candles in what you hoped was a Sultry Manner, waited in your very flashy victoria’s secret lingerie for enzo to open the door in t-minus

3.

2.

1.

touchdown! as you practically tackled the poor guy. he made a surprised noise against your mouth as the oranges, the cereal, and everything he had just procured from the store went flying. now, it was time for the big guns. the mortal kombat FINISH HIM. you grabbed the collar of his shirt and ripped it wide open.

game over.

                                                      𝐋

your darling boy, the person you cared about most in the world, had a huge vicious L carved into his chest, the rough, jagged lines digging into the precious, vulnerable space over his heart. the heart that belonged to you. you remained silent. you wouldn’t ask. you never would. but still, you traced it with gentle fingers and gentle kisses, dressed him in your over-sized hot pink sailor moon tee-shirt and carefully tucked him in with the heater blasting and perogi sleeping soundly on his chest, hoping that the shirt and her cat were good enough things to cover up the evil underneath them. 

you bit your lip until it b l e d. scars like that, they weren’t killing scars, they were torture scars, they were scars that were left only by people who truly wanted you to suffer, who wanted you to to wake up in cold sweats and fear and remember over and over and over. the were left by monsters, they were left people who hated you. 

and looking over at lorenzo, finally peaceful after a long, horrible day, a tiny tuft of hair strewn across his tanned forehead, you wondered how anyone could ever hate him. your wonderful, beautiful, boy. you kissed him softly on the temple and left the way you came. 

you wrote i love you on the window, 

but the rain washed it away.

***

you didn’t sleep that night. you googled it. L SCAR ON CHEST. WHY DO PEOPLE GET AN L CARVED INTO THEIR CHEST? WHAT DOES AN L SCAR MEAN? a couple of people on reddit knew the answer. the L was for lucheesi and they used it to brand their victims like cattle. you felt SICK. 

criminals you understood but . . .lorenzo?!  your secret regular college student boyfriend who’s biggest crime was probably forgetting to put the toilet seat down sometimes? an enemy of the lucheesi? why? HOW? no. no, you didn’t care. it didn’t matter. all that mattered was that all those lucheesi bastards were going to die. 

ONE 

BY

ONE. 

you didn’t like that dagger kim. 

not one bit. he was just the type of man that you loathed. sucking on daddy’s thumb and trying to play god on a power trip. eugh. his voice made your skin CRAWL. he oozed slime and skeeze and reeked of a dark, twisted sort of evil that stank through the expensive cologne he doused his tailored suit in. 

“we can make the bratva great, if you comply. we could make an empire. i might even let you be my queen, mischa kim, what say you?” he boasted, full of hot air and toxic masculinity.

you rolled your eyes and laughed boldly in his face. his expression was grim.

 “i would never bend to a man. and even though you are more worm than man, i will NEVER bend to you, you filthy mudak bastard. our army is ten times yours, in men and in heart. the bratva is great, the bratva is GREATER and my name . . .”

 you dragged your nail along the man’s jawline until you reached his chin, harshly propping his head up with your acrylic nail, an angry pink crescent forming where it dug into his skin.

“ --- is 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐘𝐀 𝐕𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐍𝐀 𝐃𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐘𝐄𝐕𝐒𝐊𝐘, first of my name, sole heir of rossiyskaya mafiya bratva and i will NOT sign it away. not for you and not for anyone. YOU ARE NOTHING.” leaning into his ear, you bit his earlobe and whispered “re me, cagna.” before dropping your dainty hand and drink all over the first kim son with a soft, girly, woops! 

KING. 

ME. 

BITCH.

dagger kim was not the kind of man you rejected, let alone mocked. 

you would pay for your words, mischaya vladimirovna dostoyevsky,

𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐏𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄.

[latina4rmbx]

Purpose Driven Life...

Before you get in a huff, I know the title above is the title to a Religious Diary.  I have one, someone very dear to me gave me. However, this is not totally religious.  Now, notice I said “NOT TOTALLY?”  Well, when it comes to living your purpose or finding your purpose in life, it’s kind of difficult to ask those questions without mentioning a higher power driving you.  Get it?  No?  You will.

I will admit, I am a person who is random.  I will randomly reach out to people I haven’t communicated with in years, just because they were on my mind.  I will randomly sing a song because it’s stuck in my head and I will randomly ask a question, because this is what I do.

What if I tell you, my randomness isn’t..well, for lack of a better term...random?  What if there is a rhyme and reason for everything I do (I can’t speak on anyone else BUT myself) even if I don’t know it at the time I do it?  You may think I’m talking about a higher power controlling me or the universe or the spirits that guide me.  Whatever you call it, I’ve realized, my randomness is NOT random.

For the record, I will say, not every time I want to reach out to someone I do it.  I think of them, wonder how they’re doing, pray for them - hoping they’re well - and then go about my life.  There are some doors that need to remain closed, and for the most part, I’m good on maintaining this level of closure.

Yesterday I reached out to a dear friend of mine.  Mind you, we probably converse once every few months.  Not because there isn’t love there, there is an abundance, but life being what it is.  You know the story.  I reached out as I was driving, because she was on my mind heavy.

SIDE NOTE:  This is the little sister of an ex of mine.  He passed away a couple of years ago.  His death anniversary and his birthday are days apart.  So whenever August/September rolls around I think of her very much.  She was my rock during this ordeal and I hope I was hers.

I reach out to her on some “what’s up? how you doin’?” type but something compelled me to ask a simple question:  “Are you happy?”  Now, it may be an innocent question however, I know this womans life story.  I know her parents, her brothers, he children, her love and her heart break.  Without getting into detail, she has suffered a lot of constant heartbreak.  When I say “constant,” I mean, it was one thing after another after another and she didn’t get a break from it.  Me, being witness to part of her heartbreak, I had to ask.  She has recently taken control of her life and I am so proud of the woman she IS and has always been.

SIDE NOTE:  I am a very honest person.  Honest to a fault.  Don’t get me wrong I have lied, here and there, but when it really counts, I will be honest because it’s what I expect from those around me.  Those who can be honest with me, regardless of how it makes them look (honest about themselves) or how it will make me feel (honest about me) are those who I treasure most.  But I digress...

Her response was a very short and appropriate one:  “  Wow that’s pretty deep!  It’s okay that you didn’t to text me.  He was definitely on my mind.  Am I happy....I’m not where I want to be but I’m nowhere near where I was in the dark.  I’m on the right track to my happiness.  What made you ask me that?  How about you?  Are you happy??

Well, didn’t she just lob that question right back at me?  “I am happy.  Very.  I had to choose to be.”

Now, here is where things take a very meaningful turn.

This is something I have been vocal about, but not really on social because frankly it’s no ones business, until I allow it to be someone’s business.  Again, without getting into too much detail, Bebesito and I had been going through a really rough patch.  At the end of the day, I allowed my insecurities override my happiness.  More on that in another blog...MAYBE

HER:  “So you worked things out with your boyfriend?  Last time we spoke there was some things going on.”

Since I was driving, I sent her a series of audio texts, explaining myself.  

EXCERPT:  “Since I forgave him, and he’s really trying, I decided to change my attitude.  I had to change the way I was approaching him and life because everything was getting me down.  I depressed.  I was crying all the time.  I was hurt all the time and we were arguing all the time.  Something just clicked.  I don’t know why, I don’t know how.  I thank God that it happened.  I didn’t want to feel that way anymore.  I didn’t feel hopeless, but I felt worthless.  I decided to be happy and it’s working.  Just for your knowledge (and I guess the knowledge of my 4 readers) I really want to be with him and I knew the way I was approaching him was not going to give me that end result.  He was going to leave me.”

MIND YOU:  He has never said if I don’t change he’s going to leave.  However, there is but so much badgering a person can take.  

EXCERPT CONT:  “It was like I was fulfilling a prophecy I didn’t want to come true.  The change has been recent.  I decided - this is who he is.   There are things I don’t like about him, but I also think it’s a man thing.  You have to sometimes tell them.”

Then I go into a quick example - here’s what happened:  I went on vacation for a week.  When I returned home, a fuse blew at the apartment and all of my food in the fridge spoiled.  I mean it was hot and bugs were growing, so the fuse tripped probably at the start of my trip.  Anywho, I tell my boyfriend because he’s my best friend and I tell him everything. His replies to me were “that’s crazy.  I’m so sorry.  damn babe..”  Etc.  But he never offered help.  THAT incensed me, because I’m like dude, you eat here practically every day, why don’t you offer to help me?  I had made up my mind that if he didn’t offer to help, I was going to leave him.

FELLAS:  This is really how women think and you never know how close you come to being left on a daily.  I’m not saying it’s your fault.  I’m just saying, pay better attention.

I don’t think me wanting to leave him because he didn’t offer to help me was fair to him.  Mind you, I am a woman who always gets shit done.  I don’t know how but I figure out a way, always.  He knows this.  So in his mind, I don’t think he would even think to offer help, because I always figure it out.  Not saying it’s right, just saying that’s what it is.  

Then I thought about unfair it was to him.  Also, I was so stressed out and probably wasn’t thinking clearly on the verge of tears.  So I asked him, listen, can you give me money for groceries.  Actually what I said was:  I feel weird asking this, however if I don’t ask, I won’t know.  Can you give me money for groceries?  And his response was “of course.”  

To think, a few minutes prior, I was thinking about leaving him.    I am learning that I can’t assume someone knows my situation, and this includes him.

I couldn’t continue trying to have him live up to this expectation, when he had no clue what I was expecting of him.  There I vowed to change.  I feel lighter and easier.  I feel better, Our relationship is better.  We talk more. We talk to each other which is one of the reasons why I am able to choose to be happy.  

I ended the messages to her saying:  I feel proud of how far we’ve come.  He and I, we’ve come far and we’re both willing to make it work...regardless of the mistakes.

Let me remind you, I haven’t spoken to her in a few months.  I knew her situation and how she was getting away from it.  I understood where she was coming from and knew what she felt she had to do to get to happy.  However, I didn’t know that my story about my rotten food was going to make her tear up.

IN A NUTSHELL:  Women who have had to be strong their entire lives, have a hard time relying on anyone.  And when someone wants to help, genuinely help, we always think there’s an underlying reason and we are leery.  This is the toxicity of women that we refuse to discuss.  We take on so much that we don’t let men be men and then wonder why they leave us.  Well, we show them time and again we don’t need them and men need to feel needed.  It’s the Masculine/Feminine that we have give and get.  Men need to be needed and women need to be wanted.  Not through any fault of their own.  This is where Daddy issues and generational curses come into play.  But this is where we are in this story.

So she explains to me what’s been happening in her life and the fact that I am choosing to be happy and letting the past be the past and forgiving and allowing myself to be forgiven, all to be happy, she had some giving up of herself to do too.  

Mind you, when I asked “Are you happy?”  I had no idea what was happening in her life.  I just knew she was starting a new one.  I was genuinely curious to know if she was happy with the choices she made.  I mean, I am nosy that way.  I didn’t know how deep of an impact those words can have on another human.  Especially, when one has been so unhappy for a long time.  You sometimes have to sit back and really think about what’s being asked.  Something as simple as asking, “Are you happy?” can cause a person to reevaluate their lives.

I ended up telling her, I guess this is MY purpose in your life.  To push you forward.  To check in from time to time and make sure you get to happy.  Whether it’s uprooting your family and moving to another state.  Saying YES to that man, because you’ve been hurt so many times before.  Saying NO to someone you love because they hurt you, etc.  

I don’t know if this is my purpose in life.  To tell the stories from my perspective and my experiences.  Maybe someone is going through something similar and needs to know they aren’t alone.  Please note, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

From the bottom of my heart, I hope my blog, at the very least helps someone feel like they are not alone.  We are all human and go through things in our lives that make us question “What is my purpose?”  Maybe your purpose is to guide someone else.  This doesn’t have to be literal in response.  I hope you all live your purpose.

Thanks for reading.

XOXO

[imagine-riverdale]

Yes Part 1-Sweet Pea Imagine

Yes Series Master List is HERE

Bethany Moore had gone to school on the Southside of Riverdale her whole life, even after her mother had abandoned her. She met Toni Topaz first, growing up in the trailer next to her, the two became fast friends. When they started school Bethany met Sweet Pea, whom she became best friends with as time went on. Then the three met Fangs Fogarty when his family moved to Riverdale. The four were inseparable. Upon entering middle school Bethany realized she was in love with her tall dark-haired best friend. When they turned fourteen Bethany and Sweet Pea joined the Southside Serpents. Bethany had joined to help provide for her and her sister, seeing as how they were barely skimming by, then Toni joined a few months later and Fangs a year after them. Around the same time as Bethany and Sweet Pea joined the Serpents, Bethany’s mother left town with her younger sister Addison. Bethany never really knew whom her father was, only that he up and left after the birth of her sister, but he reached out to her mother, which caused her to leave town, leaving Bethany in the trailer to fend for herself. She had lived alone for a few months before Sweet Pea found out and practically forced her to move in with him, seeing as he was on his own too, as his parents up and left town a few months prior. After living together for a few months, the two confessed their feelings and began dating.

It wasn’t much of a surprise to Bethany when they finally decided to shut down Southside High. When Bethany heard the news, she was sitting outside with Toni and Jughead Jones. Bethany smiled when her boyfriend came outside joking around with Fangs and other Serpents, her smile faltered upon hearing the news, but she put on a small smile for the sake of the others, knowing Toni and Sweet Pea were excited about it. Sweet Pea and Bethany both arrived at Riverdale High before the other Serpents, so they waited, Sweet Pea’s arms wrapped around Bethany from behind.

“Do you guys ever let up?” Toni asked teasingly when she walked up upon seeing Sweet Pea peppering kisses on Bethany’s neck.

“No.” They replied together before they all entered the building. Jughead first, then Sweet Pea with his arm around Bethany’s shoulder, next to Bethany was Toni, Fangs, and the rest of the Serpents.

“God, it’s so, Northside.” Bethany mumbled. They stopped in front of Veronica Lodge, Kevin Keller, and Archie Andrews.

“Friends. On behalf of the students and faculty here at Riverdale High, welcome to your new school.” Bethany rolled her eyes. “To ease this transition, I’ve set up a registration desk where you can get your locker assignments, class schedules, and a list of sports and extracurriculars. We encourage each and every one of you to drink deeply from the cup that is fair Riverdale.” Next, they heard the voice of Cheryl Blossom.

“Stand down, Eva Peron.” Bethany watched as a redheaded girl came down the stairs with a group of people behind her.

“There’s the school spirit I so fondly remember.” Jughead stated. Cheryl stopped in front of the group of Serpents.

“Cheryl, no one invited Fascist Barbie to the party.” Veronica stated.

“Wrong Veronica, no one invited Southside scum to our school. Listen up ragamuffins. I will not allow Riverdale High’s above average GPA to suffer because of classrooms that are overcrowded with underachievers. So please do us all a favor and find some other school to debase with your hardscrabble ways.”

“Why don’t you come over here and say that to my face?” Toni stepped forward along with Bethany. Bethany stood next to Toni, her arms crossed. Sweet Pea followed, standing behind his girlfriend, Fangs behind Toni.

“Happily, Queen of the Buskers.”

“Okay guys, everyone, can we just put our Northside-Southside differences apart and start over? A new slate?” Archie said.

“Mm, you don’t speak for the Bulldogs, Andrews.” Reggie Mantel stated. “And need I remind you, these greaser snakes showed up at your place trying to kick your ass.”

“Happy to finish what we started.” Sweet Pea moved forward, Jughead grabbed onto him while Fangs tried pushing Toni and Bethany back, but Bethany moved next to Sweet Pea.

“I’m so over the toxic masculinity in this hallway right now.”

“Alright. That’s enough pomp and circumstance. Everyone let’s get to class, now.” Bethany grabbed on to Sweet Pea who didn’t move.

“Sweets, come on, it’s not worth it.” Bethany said touching his arm, he kept eye contact with Reggie but through his arm over her shoulder. “Come on baby, forget about it.” She said softly before leading him to follow after Jughead and Toni. “Let’s move.” She called back to the rest of the Serpents, them listening to Bethany seeing as she had been a Serpent longer than most of them.

“I should go back and- “

“And nothing Sweet Pea, we aren’t fighting anyone.” Bethany sighed. “We need to start off on the right foot here...”

“Says the girl who was ready to fight Cheryl Blossom.” Fangs stated.

“No, I was ready to defend Toni, it’s different than starting something.” Bethany said as they sat in the Student Lounge.

 -

“I don’t think we properly met.” Bethany heard the voice of Veronica Lodge, that interrupted the conversation she was having while sitting on Sweet Pea’s lap. “Veronica Lodge.”

“Of the Park Avenue Lodges.” Jughead said while eating a chip.

“Toni, Topaz.”

“Oh, like the purple-colored gemstone. Love it.” Bethany heard Josie introduce herself and rolled her eyes along with Sweet Pea. Before they introduced Kevin. Kevin asked who Fangs was.

“And you are?” Veronica looked at Sweet Pea and Bethany. Bethany looked at Veronica’s outstretched hand and said nothing for a moment.

“That’s Bethany Moore and Sweet Pea.” Jughead said.

“Do you all have nicknames?” Josie had asked causing Bethany to groan.

“Most of us, yeah.” Toni nodded

“Well what’s yours?” Kevin asked Bethany.

“You don’t want to know.” Bethany and Toni said at the same time causing Fangs and Sweet Pea to laugh.

“Don’t be modest babe.” Sweet Pea said before Fangs spoke up getting a harsh glare from Bethany.

“She’s got two, mostly Bethy, but then there’s Goddess.” Fangs said as Jughead smirked.

“Goddess?” Veronica asked as Sweet Pea laughed causing Bethany to hit him.

“Asshole.” She mumbled before looking at Veronica. “When I was initiated into the Serpents, I was 14, this idiot.” She pointed to Sweet Pea. “Told me that I ‘Looked like a Goddess.’ And somehow that shit stuck with everyone.” Bethany stated before being interrupted by Weatherbee who told them all off for ‘vandalizing’ then told them no more Serpent Jackets. “This is bullshit!” Bethany yelled before walking away with Sweet Pea. After school the two ended up having a job for the Serpents.

-

“You guys are disgusting.” Toni teased as she walked into the student lounge to see Sweet Pea and Bethany wrapped around each other. Bethany pulled her face away from Sweet Pea’s and smiled at Toni.

“Sorry.” Bethany smiled turning towards Toni and Fangs. “Look at your legs.” Bethany teased seeing what Toni wore. “I don’t think I’ve seen this much skin since your dance.”

“Wait you saw her dance?” Sweet Pea asked. “Bullshit, she wouldn’t let me stay for that.” He pouted as Toni and Bethany rolled their eyes.

“Sweets.” Bethany looked at him. “I wouldn’t have let you stay for that, plus Toni is my best friend, of course I was there just like you delivered the last punch in Fangs’ initiation.” She stated.

“Guys.” Fangs pointed at Jughead wearing a Serpent jacket.

“Told you we should have worn ours.” Bethany said leaning into Sweet Pea.

 -

Bethany was sitting in her English class, Toni sat next to her while Sweet Pea was in his Calculus class. Bethany’s phone went off a few times and she seen a text message from her mother that made her gather her things during the middle of a lecture and bolt out of the class room. Bethany began walking home. Meanwhile Toni texted Sweet Pea while grabbing her things and getting up the whole time the teacher yelling at her to sit down. Bethany’s phone continued going off for an hour before she responded to anyone. She responded to Sweet Pea who was constantly texting her asking where she was. She had been sitting at the Quarry for a while thinking of her past before hearing the sound of Sweet Pea’s motorcycle.

“Baby? You scared the shit out of me.” Sweet Pea got off his bike as Bethany moved to him and fell into his arms. “What happened? You went dark for an hour.” He said stroking her hair.

“My mother texted me. She and Addy are coming back, she thinks I still live at their trailer.” She stated softly. “I got overwhelmed, I’m sorry.” Bethany looked up at the tall boy with a small smile.

“Don’t do it again, you know I’m here whenever you need. Come on, let’s go home and watch some movies. I’ll get Kyle to go on the run tonight.” Sweet Pea and Bethany drove home and did just as Sweet Pea had suggested.

-

The next day flew by, Fangs got suspended for not wanting to wear the horrendous uniforms which Sweet Pea convinced Bethany to wear. The two were standing outside hesitant to go home.

“I have to go back to my mothers, I really don’t want to.” She said softly hugging onto Sweet Pea who was kissing her jaw.

“We could always go to the Wyrm and wait for her to find us.” He suggested which caused Bethany to smile.

“Mm, alcohol plus an old hag, seems like a grand time, count me in.” She smiled up at him before he handed her his helmet and taking a quick stop at their trailer to drop their things off before heading to the Wyrm, they were there an hour before the wicked witch of the Southside came storming in.

“Bethany Ann Moore!” Her mother, Francine Moore, screamed causing everyone to turn towards her except Bethany who continued her game of pool she was playing against Sweet Pea.

“What? Mind your own damn business.” Bethany stated hitting her ball into the hole and smirking at Sweet Pea as the other patrons in the bar turned away from the scene that was about to unfold. “Beat that handsome.” Bethany finally turned and looked at her mother as she leaned on the pool stick, it was then she noticed her sister. “Addy.” She smiled setting the queue stick down before moving over to hug her baby sister. “Look at you all grown up.”

“What happened to the trailer? It’s filthy!” Her mother said but Bethany ignored her.

“I missed you.” Addison said hugging her sister.

“Would be, no one’s lived there, in what, Sweets?” Bethany turned to her boyfriend.

“One year, seven months, five days.” He stated hitting his last ball into the hole. “You owe me that beer, Goddess.” He teased.

“Tell Hog to put it on my tab, I’ll pay it off this week.” She then looked back at her mom. “One year, seven months, and five days.” She repeated. “So, I would expect it to be filthy.”

“Where the fuck have you been living then?” Her mother asked as if she cared.

“In my trailer?” She said as if it was obvious. “I moved out, I wasn’t going to stay in that horrendous place alone Especially not after my own family abandoned me. So, I moved in with Sweet Pea.”

“That thug? No, absolutely not.” Francine stated with a roll of her eyes. “You’ll be moving back in,”

“Actually, I won’t be, and that ‘thug’, has taken better care of me than you ever did. I’m not a child mother, I stopped being a child when I was 14 and had to join a gang to protect my little sister because my drunk of a mother could have cared less about her or I.” Bethany turned her head to her boyfriend with a smile. “Sweets, I’m ready to go, the atmosphere here has changed into one that’s too toxic for me to be around. You ready?” She asked as he nodded downing the rest of his beer before slapping Fangs on the back and walking over to Bethany where he wrapped his arm around his shoulder before leading her out of the bar and back to their trailer.

This is part one of a five part series. Part two will be posted on July 25th, 2019.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN FOR RIVERDALE CHARACTERS.

[veroticker]

Five - JA Huss

You can buy the book on Amazon.

Summary (from JA Huss’s website)

Princess Rory has been in love with Five Aston her entire life.

And he’s been in love with her.  They are best friends. They are childhood sweethearts. They are the definition of soul mates. Nothing can ever come between them.

Except Five is over-protective. Five thinks she’s better off without him. Five thinks he’s doing her a favor by keeping her away from the secrets and scandals he’s a part of.

But she’s got news for him. When a girl has the last name Shrike she doesn’t need a prince. He’s just a bonus along the way to finding her own happily ever after.

And if he thinks he’s going to leave her behind again—well, buddy. She’d like to see him try.

Rory Shrike wants her man back.

And not even the genius brain of Mr. Five will stop her.

Blurb

““Rory!”

Tera is calling up the stairs for me, eager for us to finish moving out of our apartment for summer break and get on our way. But I’m still staring at my phone. At the text message that just came in.

“Rory! Do you have that last box or what?”

“Yes,” I call down to her. But I have a weird, sick feeling in my stomach and it comes out in my voice.

I stare at the text. Come home, it says. Five is here. I’ve booked you a ticket.

It’s from my little brother, Oliver, and home is Fort Collins, Colorado. Five is…

“Hey,” Tera says, appearing at my door. “You OK?”

I start out with my head nodding but it turns into a shake before I can make a real decision.

“What’s happened?” Tera asks, coming towards me. “What’s going on?”

At the same moment, Cliff appears in the door, knocking on the doorjamb. “You ladies ready?”

He’s tall. Handsome. Muscular. Perfect. Honors student here at Princeton. Newly graduated and on his way to predetermined greatness at Yale Law next fall. We’ve been dating for about a week and I like him. He’s funny, and charming, and attractive. Which is why I’m going with him and Tera, my BFF and his little sister, to their family home up in the Hamptons for the summer.

Tera is the female version of perfect Cliff. Also tall, also beautiful, also funny, and smart, and good. We’ve been rooming together in this four-story walk-up apartment for two years and we’re only moving out now because we’re gonna live together next fall for senior year.

“What’s going on?” Cliff asks.

“I don’t know,” Tera says, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I was just asking Rory that same question.”

What is going on? I’m not sure. I have the most perfect summer planned. Boating, and sunbathing, and parties, and—

“Rory?” Cliff has maneuvered his way between Tera and me and he’s pulling me close. His hand is warm on my waist, his scent powerful and masculine. I like him. I’ve been hinting around for more than a year that we should date. And finally, last week, he caught on. I’m right where I want to be with him. Where I want to be with everything in my life right now. I’m an honors student at Princeton, I have my pick of the best senior internships next fall in start-up marketing, and I have no fewer than six professors who are ready to give me a glowing recommendation to grad school at Yale the following year.

But that text…

“Rory. For fuck’s sake, can you answer me, please?”

“Sorry,” I say, looking up at him. He’s taller than me by miles. At least eight inches. “I just…” I hold up my phone. The sleep screen is on, so he can’t see why I’m holding it up, but he can guess.

“Did you get bad news or something?”

I nod, still speechless from those words. Five is here.”

(review under the cut)

Review

(audiobook) It starts as a new adult romance--he left, she’s angry, he comes back years later and tries to apologize--but becomes something more. Expect gun fights and lots of other surprises that I can’t reveal. Let’s just say that Rutherford Aston V aka Five is a very interesting character with a very interesting life.

But one thing is more important than the others in Five’s life--Rory. He’s loved her since they were kids, and he knows that she’ll have his children, but his life keeps getting in the way.

I have to admit I found Five to be a bit too much. Is there even one thing that he doesn’t know how to do? BUT as romantic character, he is perfect. There’s not much he isn’t willing to do for his princess. Don’t think though that Rory is a weak character! She has balls that rival her boyfriend’s.

The narrators did their job to bring the story to life. I was a bit confused by it, but it’s still a very good book.

Quickie

Series: Mister #0.5 or #6 (I’ve seen both; standalone, but it’s the link between two different series from the author)

Hashtags: #billionaire romance #romantic suspense #new adult #second chance

Triggers: various violence and abuses

Main couple: Aurora Shrike & Rutherford Aston V (or Rory & Five)

Hotness: 4/5

Romance: 5/5

+ wow Five is definitely a man in love

- a bit over the top at times

Stalker mode

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You can also follow her on Facebook.

[princessjaqulinechess1031]

My Peeta Mellark Essay That Is About What, Five Years Late To The Party? But Here We Are, Why Peeta is The Best Male Romantic Lead I Have Ever Read

My sister is watching The Hunger Games non-stop because she finally is old enough to read the books and wanted to see the differentces between the films and book series, and I’m now being sucked back to my middle school years where my whole personality centered around explaining why The Hunger Games is the best piece of modern literature.

I also remember being the only one that thought Peeta was even a worthwhile character, because literally everyone was like ‘he’s too helpless’ or ‘he sold out the rebellion in the third book’ (because of the brainwashing) and I remember just being very confused why everyone really liked Gale ‘Let’s Murder Innocent Civillains And Not Ponder The Implications of Our Actions’ Hawthorne. Like Gale is a great character but let’s not fool ourselves into thinking he gave a damn about the civilians in the Capitol that died (“If I had a button to kill every person in the Capitol, I would push it right now. No hesitation” I believe is the actual quote he used) and tried to apply a black and while morality upon a gray world. In fairness, I think Gale Hawthorne is ultimately a good person, if a really angry person.

And I just never understood why people in my life were so against Peeta until my brother said something about Peeta being emasculated by Katniss a few days ago. Literally the first thing I thought to myself is that Peeta would not give a damn if Katniss emasculated him — Peeta doesn’t care that Katniss is physically stronger or more survival oriented than him. Peeta is just so happy that Katniss even exists on the planet that he does not care about all that.

I think what it comes down too is what Peeta represents. Peeta is not the typical romantic lead — he is strong yes, but also very emotional and comparatively more privileged than Katniss (let’s not kid ourselves — Peeta was totally better off than Katniss and Gale at the start of the series, but he was NOT living in the lap of luxury that like some people would like to believe. He may have eaten everyday, but let’s not act like it was always fresh and hot food with dessert. No, he was eating what his family bought off Katniss and Gale — which was not always guaranteed food — plus stale bread.). Most romantic leads in these novels are traditionally masculine, with strength, speed, survival skills, and an inability to be charming or charasmtic or show any emotion, and more often than not an underprivileged or oppressed person in comparison to the more well-off or less restricted female protagonist (I.e. Cassia and Ky in Matched)

Peeta blows all that out of the water. He is strong (he is in-universe a great wrestler and he won The Hunger Games alongside Katniss, even if at the end he was being helped by Katniss, Peeta killed people and even took on Cato before he teamed up with her. One does not win the Games without some bit of strength), but he is also very emotional and compassionate. He’s not stoic at all — he wears his heart on his sleeve. He lets his emotions rule him. He ignores Katniss and pouts for six months before Catching Fire starts, but then he comes to her and tries to reach out to her, saying that this is a complicated situation and that he should have been more understanding of what she was feeling and why she did what she did. It’s also never framed like he has no right to be angry — he was led to believe that Katniss, the girl he was madly in love with, wanted to be actually be with him. This wasn’t malicious on the part of Katniss (or Haymitch, because he had a hand in this too) but it still happened. He had a right to be at least a little upset.

But the fact of the matter is, at the end of the day he came back to Katniss and recognized that it was survival. She never meant to hurt him and that this is a complicated situation. He was upset, recognized why he was upset, and realized that it was not Katniss’s fault. She didn’t owe him anything. After the Games, she didn’t owe him a relationship, even if they were pretending to be a couple. He was content to just be her friend through the shit-show that would be their new post-Games lives.

Compare this to Gale, who also pouts and is upset at Katniss after the Games. He too is madly in love with Katniss and thought that Katniss had fallen in love with Peeta. I’m not saying that Gale didn’t have a right to at least be saddened by this — thinking the person your in love with is in love with someone else is a heartbreaking experience, so yes, I do think Gale had a right to at least be mildly saddened by this revelation.

But the face is that: he was angry at Katniss about this. He was angry at her for choosing survival (pretending to love Peeta) rather than dying (going out on her own). Now, Katniss could have won the Games with or without Peeta and I think arguably Peeta could have one without Katniss if Haymitch had somehow gotten medicine to him in the arena via sponsor, but the possibility of him winning alone is not the topic of discussion. Gale was angry at her for loving someone else.

Gale had believed that one day he would be Katniss’s husband. That’s an unshakable belief of mine. From literally the first time we meet him, he’s talking to her about if she ever wants kids. That is classic ‘I want to get married talk’. This was his last reaping and he was about to enter the mines. He was gearing up to ask her to marry him at some point in the year following, based on my reading of the text.

And when Katniss showed up, ‘Boyfriend’ in tow, Gale was pissed. He thought that after everything that had happened Katniss was his. Without the Games, it’s entirely possible that Katniss would have married Gale eventually, even if I think personally that she never would have had kids or gotten married if the rebellion hadn’t happened. But you can interpret a future where Katniss and Gale getting married happens based on your reading of Katniss’s character.

The Games did happen though. Katniss was unofficially betrothed to Peeta and instead of being sad but supportive because she’s being forced into something she doesn’t want but has to go through with, Gale gets angry at her. Gale straight up kisses her one day and then ignores it like nothing happened, gets angry at her for keeping up the charade with Peeta to keep her family and Gale’s family alive (because Katniss deeply loved Gale’s family as her own, you can’t deny this fact, so Snow would target them).

He wanted her. He wanted to be here. And their’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be with someone, but there’s something wrong when you get angry at someone for either a)loving someone else or b) doing something to keep themselves from dying.

This sounds like I’m bashing on Gale, so I do want to say that I do genuinely think that Gale is a good person. I think he wants things to be fair and just, that he wants everyone to be given a fair shake. I honestly don’t think he minds working hard, he never complains about the actual work just the quantity of it and the proportion to what the workers get in return. If he worked his ass off and got a fair shake in return, like equal treatment, safe working conditions, and actual payment that could take care of his family, I don’t think he would have a problem.

We do, however, have to compare Gale to Peeta, because within in-universe he is compared to Peeta by Katniss. So we have to talk about the two together, because they are entwined as characters. We hardly ever see them interact on page, the only time they interact one-on-one (that we get to see, as in not in Catching Fire where Gale helps them train) is in Mockingjay, where they are on the same squad.

That infamous conversation where they talk about Katniss has to be menitioned here. Gale and Peeta seem at least friendly with each other, discussing who she’ll eventually choose to be with. They eventually agree that she’ll pick who she can’t survive without.

This conversation is one of the most important from a character stand-point. From this, we learn that neither Peeta or Gale begrudge the other for loving Katniss. Why is this so important?

Because we had previously seen Gale being angry with Katniss about possible being in love with Katniss, we can glean that Gale blames Katniss for not loving him. (Which isn’t true, I firmly believe that at least before Prim’s death that a small part of Katniss honestly was in love with Gale, even if the part of her that was in love with Peeta was much larger.)

Gale is angry with Katniss for loving someone else.

At this point, I’ve talked about Gale for the last five minutes and you’re probably wondering when I’ll get to my point but I’m getting there.

So now we have to couple the fact that Gale is angry with Katniss about this with Peeta’s reaction to Katniss kissing Gale after the whipping post.

Peeta is upset, yeah, but he’s not angry with her for kissing Gale. Gale has been her best friend since forever and surely somewhere along the line Peeta had assumed that she was with Gale. When she kisses Gale, Peeta doesn’t act prissy or act like he in any way deserves her. He is her friend and a partner in this post-Games life. He doesn’t get upset with her, actually continues being her friend and visiting her in the aftermath.

Peeta is best romantic lead I have ever seen because he doesn’t care about being her romantic lead. He loves her deeply so much that all he wants is for her to be happy. Several times he seems ready to step aside if it means letting Katniss be happy.

But we have to talk about the elephant in the room.

The kids.

In the epilogue, Katniss says that after fifteen years she agrees to have kids with Peeta. Many people have interpreted this Peeta pressuring her into having them, but with the context of the series as a whole I interpret this not as a giving in but as Katniss decieding to have one too. Peeta, based on everything we know about his character, would be totally content to have a life with just Katniss, but he is also an independent person with thoughts of his own, he would have brought up that he wanted kids to Katniss. But this part of the epilogue is so quick and it’s never really explained, being the ending, so it’s fair to interpret this in a more negative light than the conclusion I came too just because we only get a recap of fifteen years pre-kids and not the scenes, so we don’t know how it went down.

At this point, you’re probably wondering what all this has to do with my middle school friends not looking Peeta and wanting Katniss with Gale. And this wall of text has probably lost it’s point at least twice at this stage of this informal essay. So, I’ll digress.

I think the fact the Peeta is the exact opposite at what we have come to expect out of our male leads. He’s mature with his feelings, kind and compassionate, more feminine, and just genuinely a nice guy. He’s not demanding love or sex from Katniss. He just wants her to be happy.

Gale is who we have been programmed to see as the male lead, strong and tough and gritty and traditionally masculine. Theirs nothing wrong with these traits inherently, being a feminine man or masculine man is not better than the other. But the fact that Gale is preferred over Peeta is I think of reflection of what he expect out of media — the ‘strong’ man gets the girl while the ‘weak’ one is alone.

Now, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. I’m not here to attack people for liking Katniss and Gale together as a couple or for disliking Peeta as a partner for Katniss. But after sitting here, writing this out, I can’t help but reflect on the fact that Peeta is one of my favorite characters. I really enjoyed him and reading him and watching him, and I don’t really think I can forgive him being pushed aside because he is the ‘gentle’ one.

Now, The Hunger Games is a series about politics, oppression, slavery, war ethics, the ramifications of warfare, and the effect of trauma on a personal and social level. At the end of the day, it’s not about romance or a ‘will they/won’t they’. I love this series and it forced me to look at the politics of my world with a keen eye.

But I still love Peeta Mellark and I will defend him to the end.