#just tagging it now so i will be able to find it later
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I love all the things I've seen from you, but your recent writing on Ghost and Soap was absolute perfection. You put it into words I couldn't find. And that last tag? The one regarding Simon finding peace in thinking of Johnny in the end? You just articulated something that is potentially, simultaneously, the most angsty and closure giving end to their story ever. The idea that Simon gets to see him again, boisterous and grinning, asking "Miss me Lt?" It's a story idea so good I wish I had the writing ability to bring it to life. Feel free to ramble to us more.
omg……..that’s a concept just asking to be drawn, huh….
god, i actually have so many thoughts about post-mw3 ghost, i think he'd completely shut down emotionally. Not even as a 'punishment' for his teammates but almost out of self-preservation, like I think he's able to recognise what a livewire he is right now and just...shave himself down to the bare necessities. He'd simplify himself down to his functionality, to Ghost, not Lieutenant Riley or Simon ever again, because that's the only reason he's still here - to be a good tool - and once he physically can't keep up anymore...well. Then that's it for him.
He'd likely sink into a variety of vices simply so he can manage to fall asleep without seeing Johnny's face every time he dreams. And I think his relationship with both Gaz and Price deteriorates, and he simply can't bring himself to care as much as he should about it.
As time passes, I think he'd develop a trend of self destructive behaviour that manifests in him going too far too often, whether its in sparring or in the field. He'll never admit it to anyone, especially because he's supposed to be the bogeyman, the hyper-competent machine who never stays down, but he wants to be taken out. He's heartbroken and grieving and lacking in any knowledge of how to healthily process any of it so it all comes out as fury and violence and he constantly feels like a rabid dog that needs to be put down. He's forced to re-learn restraint after certain incidents have him in danger of being discharged from duty, permanently, and he realises with a kind of of sinking blankness that this is all he has left to cling onto. So he gets his shit together, or as much as he can. And years later, when he dies on a mission, his vision blurs and for a moment he thinks he hears Johnny's voice.
#i made myself sad writing this#but its okay!!! they find each other in the afterlife and they kiss for hours its okay i promise#and in other universes they get to grow old together. just not in this one#askbox
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Coming back to you
How to get back with your ex
Tags: smut, minors and ageless blogs do not interact, f!reader, normal au (because we suffered enough), my bbg Caleb the manipulative king he is (break me in half and all I'll say is thank you), implied stalking (if you squint), creampie, oral (f! receiving), fingering, marking, dirty talk, praising, size difference, little bit of crying, not proofread
Author's note: almost lvl 60 affinity with him, it was hard work and a lot of dedication. Trust me when I say I won't be able to recover financially from this any time soon.
Masterlist
Life was good when you were together, and somehow it even better after breaking up. It's not like your split up was messy, because you two parted ways on mutual accord, deciding that this isn't going to work since both of you were so busy lately. Why dragging the other down when you have your futures set?
In fact, the break up wasn't even supposed to be a break up, you were supposed to take a little break from each other that turned into a break up some time later. You said that you'd still be friends, that it's alright to talk and greet each other if you somehow managed to meet again.
But it was all lies. Both of you knew that. Because you never texted each other after that, and somehow you tried to avoid all the places he might be at. You don't really know why you're doing that, if just.. you feel a little uncomfortable looking back at what you two used to have.
Perhaps it was the way he looked at you, how he leaned down to talk to you, or that dumb smile that made your heart skip a beat.
He was caring, attentive, maybe a bit obsessive, perhaps a bit insane too. And maybe that what scared you, kept you away from dating again. Finding another one like him. God, what if you had the misfortune to wake up with another one like him at your door? You'd rather jump out the window than have the luck of getting another Caleb.
But he was good, in his own ways.
Well.. you can't really name any of his good traits at the moment, but he was a great guy. If you put aside his manipulative side, that he doesn't even try to hide to begin with.
You promised yourself to not fall for another guy like him, that empty words mean nothing to you. Threats had no effect, and you don't feel guilty anymore over things that you shouldn't be to begin with.
So, why was he here? You were supposed to meet with the old friend group, to reconnect and talk about the old days and how college used to be. I mean, he was part of the group, but why exactly was he here? And why did nobody told you he was coming?
"It's so good to see you guys!" one of your friends said, instantly jumping from person to person to hug.
"I feel like we're young again." someone else said, making you shake your head and let out a soft laugh. You can't show that you're affected, you're all grown now, you matured. He had no effect on you anymore. Even if it only been a year, you're still a different person that you were a few months ago.
"We aren't old to begin with." you said with a smile on your face. "How haves everyone been?" you sounded so calm, like you forgot how much stress was put on you back then. Everybody looks in much better shape after graduation, perhaps that place was rough for everyone.
"Let's just skip greetings and drink." of course there was that one person. "Caleb, you pay." everybody's eyes were on the tall man.
"You brought your wallet, no? Why should I pay." your eyes made contact for a moment, and you felt your face getting hotter. This night better go quick, because you don't know for how much longer you can handle this.
Everything was how it was back then, the way you sit in groups at the bar. How you found yourself next to the same girls you used to, deciding that you don't want to be loud and take it easy, just like before.
"So, how have life been for you? Haven't heard anything from you after we graduate." one of the girls looked at you, reminding you of how you chose to go no contact with everybody after your breakup.
"You and Caleb broke up? I thought you'd last a life time." is there nothing better to talk about?
"I'm a career woman now." you decided to change the subject, rather chosing to talk about work that your failed relationship.
"Oh?" why everybody looked so surprised was a mystery. But somehow you understood their reactions, you're also surprised you went this path.
"Got any boyfriends?" they still want to get info on your personal life, huh? Well, guess you won't be able to dodge that question any time soon.
"Nothing at the moment. Just focusing on work."
"I guess it's hard to date again. Normal guys must be so bland, not comparing to that piece of meat over there." you looked displeased with your friends choice of words. Yes, your ex might look good, but looks isn't what matters right now. Your well being was your top priority, and you enjoyed the freedom you had way too much.
"I'd be like that too if I had your ex. Imagine recovering from that." you don't even have to imagine.
"Is it even humanly possible to find somebody who's better than him?" their questions doesn't affect you, because you already know that you're the best you'd find. You understand and give yourself more than enough space that it's needed. So the right questions was if he will be able to find someone as good as you, because he won't.
"He's looking in this direction." the girls started giggling, and somehow, this was nostalgic.
Didn't this happened already? Before you started dating, right before you two confessed your feelings. Because somehow, you managed to do that at the same time. It was funny, if you're thinking about it. How you two were so in sync, you had no idea.
"Go talk to him." the girl next to you tried to push you, to make you get up and walk to the dark haired man.
"Don't want to." you kept avoiding any eye contact ever since you got in that bar. If you don't acknowledge him then he doesn't even exist to you.
"But he's looking at you." you grabbed the drink in front of you and gulped everything down your throat, trying to ignore him.
"Are you shy?" the girls started giggling again.
It was annoying. Why can't they understand that it's over? He understands this, so why can't they do it as well?
"We don't have anything to talk about."
"But he seems to want to?" it doesn't matter even if they point it out. It's been a long time already, you both moved on.
"Isn't there anything you want to tell him? Like things you didn't got the chance to while you were together?"
"This is the time to clear any bad blood between the two of you." but that wasn't necessary.
Frustrated, you looked in his direction. Eyebrows furrowed and biting on your lip so you wouldn't let out any curses you wanted to say at the moment. That classical expression, looking like he's good, even if there was no smile on his face, but he kept nodding to what his friends were saying. His eyes were betraying him however, those sleepy eyes, looking at you like you were more interesting, like he had to or else you'd evaporate from there or who knows what worse. It wasn't often when you'd see him like that, so you can't even answer your own questions on why he seemed like that.
No, if you payed attention to his surroundings, his friends might be annoying him. Saying something that he doesn't like, or.. they were talking about you. Just the way your friends were talking about him.
Was he feeling like that because he didn't want to talk to you either? No, you doubt that. It's probably because you refuse to give him any attention.
You turned to face the girls around you, who still seemed to push you to him. Maybe you should in fact go for it?
But, was there really anything that needed to be said? You don't have any regrets, you can't think of anything you want to say. And he's the same, even if he looked like he was holding back from time to time. You doubt he ever did something he's regretting. After all, you matched each other's freaks. You managed to stay together for that long just because you completed the other, understood yourselfs on a level no one else around you could.
Was this why you were pushed to him? Because everyone knew how well you fit each other?
You looked at your friends one more time, sighing as you finally gave up. You're still afraid to approach him, because he was still intimidating in a way you can't explain.
Or you can, because whenever you look at him you feel a chill down your spine. Your head was filled with stuff you said to him in the past, memories coming back to embarrass you, to make you forget what you want to do so you'd fuck up in front of him.
You stopped in front of him, staring at him as he looked at you. He still had that expression on his face, like you're still his softest spot, his weakness that makes him weak in the knees when he's around you. You opened your mouth, trying to say something but then forgetting everything once you looked into his purple eyes.
You can't be like this forever, you had to step up your game. You really had to move on, and maybe that's what you have to talk with him. Because he seems to be stuck in the past too. "You have time?" you noticed the way he almost raised his hand, to grab onto you and drag you closer like he always did. But he held back, because he knew this wasn't the time.
"Yeah." he tried to keep it nonchalantly, but you could see past his poorly executed facade. Should you feel happy with how you still affect him? You feel like you could laugh.
"Wanna talk outside?" you don't even know why you said outside of all places. You wanted to stay inside, where everybody else was. You wanted to have a reason to keep it cool, to not lose yourself in your emotions, because you know you'll fuck up if you're alone with him.
He got up, standing much taller than you as he followed you quietly. Seriously, this was like a deja vu. You still remember how you used to follow him just the way he's doing now. Not questioning a thing, and trusting him a bit too much. But you also had no idea where you're going. All you know is that you want to go outside, take some fresh air, say a few words and then go back to your friends.
For a moment, he got in front of you, opening the door and letting you walk out first. He used to do this all the time, didn't he? You almost forgot about it.
You walked a little further from the bar, resting your back against a building's wall as you looked at the sunset. No one said a thing, and the distance between the two of you was colder than the night's breeze.
"So.." a few words and then go back, that's all. You can go to your friends after this and rest. "How have you been." avoid eye contact, because you don't know when you'll fuck up, look forward, don't let yourself be distracted.
"Busy." his voice still makes something in your head ring, like a little bell that seems to not calm down until he said so. "You?"
"Busy." you couldn't even think of what to say, just biting your lip in frustration.
It was quiet again, like both of you forgot how to communicate.
For a moment, you looked to your left, at where the bar was, and then at him, catching him staring at you with a expression you can't quite explain. Sadness? No, it was a mixture of sad and frustration. And you understood him. He had you this close, next to him, and yet he couldn't do anything.
"You're bigger than I remember." you don't even know why you said that. It's just.. he looks different and you can't exactly say what it was.
"I stopped growing a long time ago." he kept looking at you, at the way you were scanning him for anything that it might have changed. "Maybe you're the one who shrinked." he extended his hand, he doesn't really know why, but it seemed alright in that moment. Like he knew you wouldn't run anymore. "My hands are still the same."
You looked at his palm, at his long fingers and at the way he looks so familiar, yet new. Like you forgot how his body looked for a moment, like you were back in the past before you two started dating. Because you did this back then too, you were in this situation before.
How he was trying to tame you, let you touch him just the way you want, explore and discover more. All just to show you how inoffensive he is, that he's not a threat.
And you bite the bait every single time. Taking his hand in yours, slowly touching it just to see if it was indeed like what you remember.
You should put more effort if you don't want him back in your life. Just look at you, you look like you've missed him so so much. You shouldn't be this sweet or else you might not be able to break up again this time.
He tried his luck, interlocking his fingers with yours, and showing you more of that size difference you haven't seen in a while.
You don't reject him, his actions only made you be more curious. What else was he hiding? You looked up at him, only to see that expression again. You really didn't understand how his eyes can be just this dark, like there was absolutely no life in them, only a purple abyss that seems to drag you in towards him.
"It's getting dark." he said in a low voice, forgetting that he was supposed not to scare you for a moment. "Let me drive you home." he's the same as ever. Getting ahead of himself just because he was able to feel your perfume for once, the same scent that you had since back then. It suited you, and he missed it.
"Alright." he always knew how to calm you, let down your guard so he can get more under your skin. Or perhaps you were doing that voluntarily, because he doubts you'd be like this just for anybody.
The ride back to your place was quiet, only the radio on, playing some mainstream songs over and over again.
The silence was loud, but not uncomfortable. It was better this way because you had nothing to say. And he will not talk until you talk.
But once you got to your house, you somehow didn't wanted to get out the car just yet. It's just.. can't he stay? You don't know why you want him there, and you don't want answers to that.
"You're.." you played with your fingers. "You're not busy, right?" you avoided his eyes, or to look in his direction at all. This was all his doing, wearing that one fragrance that made your head spin, and the shirt that he knew was your favorite. "Want to come inside?" you're doing this on your own accord. Because he wouldn't push you over your limits like this, especially when you just met again after a long time.
You came to him, you talked to him, and you dragged him into your home on your own. He didn't do anything, this was all your doing.
You were brave enough to make the first move, so he might as well reward you for it, no?
You didn't looked surprised when you started kissing the moment the front door closed behind you, you also looked unfazed when he started taking off your clothes, now going towards your bedroom, looking for a bed so he could place you on it.
How could you forget this feeling? Or the way he used to take care of you. Always stopping you from lifting a single finger, not letting you do anything until you start begging him, or worse, do things without even warning him first.
"Tell me if it hurts." he placed a kiss on your cheek before going down, biting softly on your skin and leaving kisses all over the places he touched. He was going to mark all of your body, so people would see a part of him on you even if you're not together.
He stopped when he got to your pussy, leaving a kiss on your inner thigh, before placing his lips over your heat. He was going to scream, he missed this so much that he just couldn't help but let out a lustful moan deep from the bottom of his heart.
How could you left him? Take this away from him, leave him all alone to suffer. If he didn't craved so much for you he would have punished you for it.
"You're so tight." he said as he got two of his fingers inside.
"It's been a while since I did it." he looked up at you from between your legs, placing a kiss on your clit.
"Have you done it with someone else?" he was asking as if he didn't knew everything you did while he was gone. And yet, hes jealous.
"No." you shook your head. "What about you?" are you questioning his loyalty?
"Did you touched yourself?" if this was his way of changing the subject, then it wasn't working. Because it only made you want to ask the same thing, embarras him just the way he did to you.
"Did you?" he should feel embarrassed, ashamed or anything between those two, but no, it was just you who feeling that way.
"Every time I missed you." seriously, can he calm down for a moment. You can't take it. "You didn't do a good job." he said, licking on your clit as his fingers curled up. "But I guess you can't do much with those fingers of yours." you couldn't face him when he was saying such dirty words. "Did you had a hard time stuffing yourself? Don't worry, I'll do it for you from now on." you placed a hand over his face, to cover his eyes so he would stop looking at you.
"Don't look at me." you whimper. "It's embarrassing." you were always so easy to tease.
"Alright." he moved your hand away. "I'm sorry." he was in fact not, but if that's what you want to hear then he'll lie again and again, as long as you're happy.
Your pleasure was more important to him. So he focused on that, paying attention to the places that made you melt, on your soft voice and your touch. You're still so hesitant, like you don't really trust him, like you're still testing the waters.
What more do you want from him? What can he possible give that he haven't gave you already? You have his heart, you have his mind and soul, his well being is all yours, his body and everything he owns. So give him attention, touch him more and tell him that he's doing good because he's about to burst.
For a moment he looked up at you, just to see how you're doing, to check on you and make sure you're alright.
How did he lived for so long without looking at you was a mystery. Why he accepted you leaving him and trying to move on. Who else is going to make you feel like this? You need him, you needed his cock and his touch.
But he's not going to fuck up, since it's been a while since you last did it, he shouldn't push you. So, he placed a last kiss on your clit before taking his fingers out of you, leaving you panting and waiting for more. He didn't even let you cum, how mean of him.
Still, how dumb of him, to come here with nothing on him, not even a single condom. I mean, it wasn't really his fault because he never knew he'll end up like this.
"Take it off, your clothes." you were all naked while he was still fully dressed. He also looked like he wasn't planning on getting undressed any time soon and it was annoying you.
"I don't have any condoms." that was the problem?
"It don't matter." you took him by surprise. "Come here." you knew how rail him up. And you better not regret your decision later.
You looked at him taking off his shirt, his defined muscles jumping right into your face. You were right when you said he looked bigger, he must be working out a lot more lately. He took his pants off after, your eyes on his hard cock as he came back next to you.
"Relax." he said when he got between your legs. "Look at me." it would only be harder for you if you keep overthinking. Yeah, he was big, so what. He's going to give you all the time in the world until you adjust yourself to take him. It's gonna be hard at first, but it's going to be so much easier once he models your insides into the shape of his cock. And that's a promise, believe him.
He slowly pushed the head of his dick inside your wet core, making you move a little from how it was feeling, trying to find a better position. He lowered himself, now his chest pressed against yours, placing kisses all over your face as he kept pushing more of him inside your warm pussy. It's alright, take your time. He's not going anywhere, he'll wait until you're ready for him to move.
"You're doing good." he whispered in your ear, his hot breath tickling your skin. "I'm all the way inside, see? It doesn't hurt." it hurts a little, maybe more than just a little. But wasn't it normal when he was stretching you like that? But just as much as it hurts, it also felt good, in a way that left your mouth watering. He was going to be the end of you, really.
"Move." you ordered him, wanting to feel more. Just being stuffed to the brim wasn't enough, you needed much more than that.
He followed your orders, moving his hips slowly, paying attention to your next move.
You were so cute when you're sticking to him like that, holding onto his shoulders and trembling every time he touched that spot deep inside that he wasn't trying to touch to begin with, to not overwhelm yourself.
He's going to give you everything you want, there's no need to rush. If this was how much you can handle then that's how much he's going to give you. So why were you grabbing him like that, and asking for more? "Deeper." but you couldn't take it? You're going to say that he bullied you later, and he doesn't want to take the blame for something you made him do.
"You're sure?" you nodded, looking at him through your eyelashes with a pout on your face. Alright then, if that's what you want. How could he refuse you?
So he got deeper, hitting that spongy spot with long slow strokes that seems to work wanders on you.
He kissed you, again and again, to mark everything that missed his touch. To make sure you feel him, more than just inside.
"Is it good?" he asked as if he doesn't know your body like the back of his hand.
"Mm." you nodded, leaning in to feel more of his warmth.
"Then say my name. Let me know how good I make you feel." how could you forget he was like this. He always had to mark his territory as if you're not already his. But unfortunately for him, you're not in the mood to fulfill his desires. Screaming his name seemed nice, but at the moment all you wanted was to feel him, have him to yourself and let nobody know about your business.
Maybe his greedy side rubbed on you, or maybe it's the other way around. Or not, because at the end of the day you both knew that your unsolved issues can't be fixed that easy, and it can't be passed into the other when both of you are insane.
That's why you're trying to consume each other in other ways.
Kisses that seemed way too loving for someone who just got reunited after a long time. Touches that linger on the other's body even after moving away. Whispers and words that really makes it seems like you two were just a day apart, talking about moving with him, how you don't need anyone else but him. And at the moment you're too drunk on him to even realize that you're nodding, agreeing to every little degrading thing he's saying.
You want him, don't you? You missed him, you were such a mess without him. Right? Why did you permited him to leave when he's made for you. "I love you." that's the most normal thing he said tonight. "I love you, you heard me?" you heard him, but if you're giving him an answer that satisfies him, you'll never make him pay for the pain he caused you.
"You do?" you didn't sounded loving at all, even if your arms were wrapped around his neck, looking at him in the eyes with something only he saw before, your lust and obsession.
"I love you." he'll say it until you finally give up. Placing a kiss right next to your eye, he caged you in his arms, a hand under your ass and lifting up so he could go even deeper than before. Move in even more, since you said you wanted deeper. He'll show you places you didn't even know existed if you're asking for it.
He can't say that he's a brat tamer, because he's not. He likes everything about you, your sweet side, your mean and angry side. He likes it when you punish him, it shows him that you care. And if you believe that he's not doing enough to deserve your love just yet, then he'll do more.
He liked trying after all. And he'd be damed if he said that he doesn't want to show you just how far he can go. Because trust him, you can't handle it.
He's going to eat you, or even better, sacrifice him as you see fit. He wants to be inside you forever, be part of you. Because he feels like he's finally at home only when he's with you, in your arms. And when he's balls deep inside you? He's in heaven.
"Does it hurts?" he licked your tears away, wanting to taste them and claim them as his.
You nodded, feeling his cock twitching before moving in a way that got you throwing your head back. This fucker. He thinks that he can just do this to you and not pay a price? And perhaps sometimes he forgets how you can be so cruel, mean, and play with his feelings in a way only you could.
All he needs is a look from you, fluttering those eyelashes in a pretty way, and a sad expression that he can't resist.
You win, if you wanted him to fumble, then you win. He's all yours, do whatever you want with him because he doesn't have the ability to think anymore. "Cum with me?" what gives you the right to ask such a dumb question when you knew that's the only thing he wants. If you're not, the he's not doing it either. He knows he's asking for too much, but let the man dream.
"I'll fill you up nice and pretty, alright?" he made it sounded like a question, but you both knew he was just letting you know.
"Mm." you nodded, your lips smashing together the next moment. Eating each other out as you were both so so close. Touches becoming more and more desperate, his grip on so tight you won't be surprised if it leaves a bruise. But it's alright, because you feel like that's not quite enough.
More, you both needed more. And some heated sex after fucks knows how long won't be enough to satisfy the empty holes in you. You needed so much more.
Will you even be able to get out the bed tomorrow? Both of you. Because from the way you drag each other back, refusing to give up just yet was more than enough proof to show you won't step back any time soon.
But who knows, maybe you'll finally be happy by the time you both dry your energy out.
#lnds caleb#lads caleb#love and deepspace caleb#caleb x reader#caleb#love and deepspace#lads smut#lads x reader
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1. What is the main lesson of your story? Why did you choose it?
I feel like a lot of these questions reveal a very different approach to writing to mine. I don’t set out to impart lessons, I’m not interested in writing didactically.
Unlikely Salvation has I guess some kind of lesson about change or forgiveness or that hurting people radicalises them and helping each other is the only way to mend rifts or something. But all of that grew organically, and there’s also a lot of fucked up stuff in there, a lot of “don’t try this at home”. Alex is way too forgiving early in the story, that’s not coming from a healthy place, that’s not a moral recommendation. It’s just an interesting thing for him as a character to do.
I think my other stories are further from having any “lessons” in them. Shit just happens, in some kind of sequence.
2. What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?
Large parts of the Resistance ‘verse were made up by my co-author, so I can’t speak to that. The structure and behaviours of the feds are mostly based on reading about real-world fascist organisations.
My BBU works are obviously very heavily inspired by other BBU stories, especially the way @ashintheairlikesnow writes it.
Annihilation is purely vibes. I’m throwing in everything that feels cool to me at the time and I couldn’t name where those ideas are coming from. (I’m more likely to be able to put my finger on it in retrospect, once the shape of it comes clearer.)
3a. What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them?
Ariadne, my prime blorbo, is primarily motivated by seeking atonement, and by seeking Victory for her Cause.
Smith and Spider are mostly just trying to survive. Spider later trying to carve out her own identity.
Nikef is trying to win a war, preferably without losing what’s left of her selfhood along the way. Ahden is trying to keep Nikef alive and sane and not deciding to murder everyone.
I, the writer, am trying to tell interesting stories with characters who feel three-dimensional and textured.
3b. Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness or help the reader grow as a person?
No.
4. How many chapters is your story going to have?
Don’t know, don’t care. I’m not trying to write complete, finished things at this time in my life. Honestly I find the notion a bit intimidating, and while I’m sure I could do it and probably will at some point in the future, at the moment writing is mostly an outlet for random creative energy. I write out of order and at a whim.
5. Is it fan fiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?
Original content. Only putting it on tumblr at present. If tumblr went away or became intolerable, I’d probably move it somewhere else, since enough people seem to enjoy it.
6. When did you start writing?
I don’t remember a time when I didn’t, honestly. Probably around the time I learned to, physically, write. There have been years and patches of years where my output was very low, but I’ve always made up stories and scrawled at least some of them down.
7a. Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr?
It’s been said before, but write whatever you feel like writing. If you enjoy your story, if it matters to you, if it has meaning to you, that stuff will come through in your writing.
Don’t worry too much about quality. You’re always learning, you can always go back and edit stuff if you want it to be better. Stressing too much about the quality of output just gets you stuck in a loop of infinite editing or worse feeling too bad to write at all.
7b. What other writers do you follow?
So many. I’ve recently listed a few favourite stories. I’m following *checks* 279 blogs write now and I’d estimate 90% of them are writers.
—
I’m terrible at coming up with people to tag but uhhhh @mottinthemainpot, @justplainwhump ? No pressure.
Tag Game: Author Ask Tag
thxxxxxxx @sacratos for the tag!
Question Template: 1. What is the main lesson of your story? Why did you choose it? 2. What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding? 3. What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness or help the reader grow as a person? 4. How many chapters is your story going to have? 5. Is it fan fiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it? 6. When did you start writing? 7. Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?
1. What is the main lesson of your story? Why did you choose it?
Don’t be an idiot and actually communicate with those you love, lol. In all seriousness, I don’t know if my story has a main theme, but there are several themes for sure. The importance of having family that loves and supports you (whether found or biological), taking back autonomy of oneself, and the importance of community.
2. What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?
Other BBU/pet whump authors! If you have written for the BBU, trust me, I have used some idea of yours as inspiration somewhere. I also use middle school me’s obsession with dystopian novels as inspiration as well.
3. What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness or help the reader grow as a person?
All my MCs are trying to heal, in one way or another and I want my readers to connect with my characters in some way. Not really teaching a lesson or having some big, major theme, but I want my characters to feel real and connect with the readers (yes, even if you want to kill them you cannot touch Star, he is immune from death)
4. How many chapters is your story going to have?
Hahahaha ha ha ha. . . yeah, no clue
5. Is it fan fiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?
Original content from my brain! I post it here, and only here
6. When did you start writing?
The minute I learned what stories were. I think I wrote my first “story” (bible fanfiction. No I will not be taking questions about that) when I was about seven or so, then my first full fanfiction at nine and I have not stopped since.
7. Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?
Read! Seriously, I cannot stress this enough! Read! And not just to compare yourselves with other writers–please don’t do that at all–but read to see how others write emotion, descriptions, characters, plots! Take what you like and figure out why you don’t like other kinds of writing, then apply what you want to your own writing. Also, your writing voice will develop in time. Don’t worry about that.
A large chunk of people I follow are writers! Can’t list all of them here, but they know who they are and their writings have inspired and shaped both my style and my content. Ilyasm!
Tagging (w/o any pressure!) @quietly-by-myself @whump-card @sparrowsage @whumble-beeee @whumpyourdamnpears and anyone else who wants to join in!
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My current DnD character is literally just Raph
soooo
as part of my irl job i get to play DnD once a month with a varying group of like 9-14 year olds. Usually i play a little Tiefling Cleric to keep all party members alive. but I recently found that I could made a damn ninja turtle in dnd so i played a DnD version of Raph this saturday instead.
first of all, it was great, i drew these during the game. (cleaned them up digitally later)
Second, i feel so bad for this dude, b/c he literally spend the entire session chasing children around a cave as they tried to do EVERYTHING except the mission. he was just so done that at one point he was physically pushing a group of them into the next room lol.
Anyways, i may do more with this at somepoint in the future, but i don't want to really get too distracted with it now. (and i would get very distracted with it.) so for now, just enjoy my DnD Raph turned babysitter lol : )
#tmnt#my doodles#tmnt raph#dnd#dnd turtles#just tagging it now so i will be able to find it later#will this turn into it's own iteration?#i don't really know#all i know is i have a dnd version of raph#and he just wants to find his brothers or fight stuff#and he can't do either lol#he's stuck being a babysitter
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tie tying doodles w ramblings on it in tags
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#angela lobcorp#benjamin lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#technically? never sure what and what not to tag#its cute.. the idea of benjamin showing her how to tie it. someone else probably dressed her in the first place before she woke up so she#likely didnt know how before. and you know ayin's ass isnt going to do that. besides the tie is reminiscent to benjamin as well#small doodle. wanted to do more i might depending on if i get motivated but her perception would allow her to process it and probably to it#first try. would there be pride? the pride she was able to pick up on such a thing quickly? a promise for later on down the line she would#be able to adapt? perhaps a hope? along with maybe a pride on angelas end for being able to do so. a small joy of able to do it first try.#even if her slower perception granted her a privilege humans didnt. it wasnt so sore of a thing at the moment. the wounds of time and pains#werent as of a all encompasing torrent as the hell she would he sprung into would be. the small joy or pride when she tied it later knowing#the reaction and knowing she got it first try. how capable she was. then for it to fade into monotony and a motion to do. a void of what#used to be there. no one to see and only to remember only to ever remember when she sees the tie that had been so strikingly like his#its like.. the feeling when you were so excited about something maybe you think of being a little silly later. but then it becomes so gutted#and devoid of what used to be there new memories maybe soiling the past experience. only to be left with what a void that you knew had been#filled with a positive light. its not there anymore. 'first try?' what a joke. were now on a try of countless repeats that have lost all#meaning and any ability to even ascribe meaning to.#anyways its only short doodles because im trying to find it in me to make a carmy angela piece and a yesod one rn. little scuffed but i#wanted to draw benj of men and angie#... at least i think she woke up clothed. no damn clue . would make most sense for her to be#it would be a little tortuous if she wasnt. either ayin doing it himself filled with rage and what was created with his own hands that#could never even begin to contain her warm but a mimicry and mockery done by his own two hands#then having to get close and even speak. or order or look at. but if it was in that situation benjamin wouldve done it actually with ayin#just staring through the glass not very respondent as benjamin has to help her into something or tell her what to do. having the man he#followed and was faithful to just... standing there and silent as he tries to help someone confused and only just beginning to become#concious open their eyes for the first time. all in all she was likely clothed before hand. still a bit disconcerting. not even awake or#begining to think at that point all but a body but not even one of flesh but one mechanical and man made - a Doll. given aspects and clothes#benjamin likely gave her a tie at that moment there if she were to be clothed. maybe a small marking of work or pass down?
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revamped looong mermaid orufrey au :')
#witch hat tag#orufrey#partial nudity /#about half of it is new the other half is redrawn from last year. Why would you rescribble some scribbles. Well it was bad.#i always underestimate how much i've improved in a year last may was questionable. also it's not even may any more so why mermaids now.#sorry if you remember this but at least half is new story. i'll just paste more explanation from twt....#first qifrey was cursed by EVIL WITCH eye taken and thrown into the sea#memory-less. then kind little witch boy oru found him on the beach & they became friends#they drifted apart after falling for each other bc qif knew he could never be with him.#oru walked on the beach every day for years hoping to see him again until so desperate he goes into the sea (on a ship?) & is dying#qifrey saved him with a kiss. they got closer &oru swore to find a way to save him that wasnt dangerous but qif knew hed need a dark witch.#(that witch was probably the one who cursed him..just toying with him...) in with the spell oru DOES forget him for real#even tho he needs to give Kiss Of True Love before qif turns totally blind for qif to stay human for good or become seafoam. but oru someho#the oldest magic is love..the ability to break through the curses of loneliness and despair. qif already did that for him#so oru was able to do it back later. he fell in love with him again..but also realised it was obviously him....well anyway......#originally the 'finding oru stranded like that guy in the little mermaid' was a separate au but it still makes sense to combine them#i dont want them to have not met in childhood...thats the orufrey thing....#im going to work on Proper drawings next instead of silly comics as usual....
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best thing about being really into a character with very little screen time is you can just make things up about him. what are you gonna do prove me wrong
#thank u jonny sims for the character but i can take it from here#he can fight me himself if he wants with needles's seven minutes of screentme#ok cool!! he was a theatre kid now#they know ink5oul#they’re friends or nemeses or a secret third worse weirder thing#into bugs because they’re little guys that they don’t need to touch to be able to admire#looks at moths for fun maybe even pins them. does it with their own needles. piece of themself in their work and all that#at one point one of the mutuals suggested needle felting and i incorporated that into my belief system immediately#because it’s implied that his needles are barbed!! you know what else is barbed!!#felting needle babey#so now my hc is DOES do the needle felting but in a fidgety way where he just kind of plays with it in their hands and it works out because#of the needles#he would have fidgety habits you can pry that out of my cold dead hands#also he/they#just because they dont have confirmed pronouns#i could go on#i probably will go on in the morning#but for now i must take my leave#needles tmagp#< so i can find this later#leaving this in the tags bc the formatting is better for my 3am brain. i will probably make a proper post about it in the morn
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New WWE AU Idea: Newscaster AU
Ok, I need to put this down somewhere before it drives me insane. It's a stupidly niche AU idea but it's taking up so much brain power for me right now for some reason. It's a journalist AU where the WWE is a TV news channel. Details below the cut.
But basically I've been thinking about all the people who've been running the PLE pre & post shows & hosting PLEs this year a lot. And with the whole news-style interviews and sitting around on sets that often look like news studios, what if they were all actual reporters in a news channel? It's a bit of a weird one I know, but it's been rolling around in my head all weekend.
Btw I have no idea if USA news channels call their emplyees the same sort of titles as we have in the UK so excuse me if the job titles are a bit scuffed. But basically here's all the roles they have, why I chose those roles for them (in brackets), and what they get up to as part of this AU news channel:
Michael Cole: Senior Newsreader- (Because of his commentary work and journalism background). Out of all the people currently regularly on TV, he's been there the longest and is highly respected. Always trusted to keep a level head in times where the world feels like it's gone to hell.
Corey Graves: Business Correspondent- (Because he has a degree in marketing). Feel like he'd do a segment kinda like "The Martin Lewis Money Show" we have in the UK, where he goes through government changes to finance-related stuff, explains it and how it'll affect the average person, and then answers questions from a live studio audience and gives them advice.
Wade Barrett: Environmental Correspondent- (Because he has a degree in marine biology). I get the vibe his favourite animals are tiny and obscure things like a specific type of sea pickle on the verge of extinction or something and he defends them aggressively to get people to help save the species. Has memorised his evidence for global warming and can reel it off with ease, but is sick of having to do it so much cos people STILL DON'T BELIEVE IN IT????????
Pat McAfee: Sports Correspondent- (Do I even need to explain why? He's a mad man and I can't imagine him doing anything else, even out of a whole cast of people on a sports show like WWE). Feel like most people try to keep somewhat calm and professional on a news show, but he's just himself the whole way through, making him one of the most popular reporters on the whole channel because people want to see his OTT reactions to certain events. Feel like he'd also probably be in charge of the news station's radio show, too, what with how he has the Pat McAfee Show in real life.
Big E Langston: Political Correspondent- (He just gives me that vibe being all analytical about wrestling feuds). He's just as tired with politicians' nonsense as we all are, to the point it's hard to hide his dissappointment when they say something stupid and he has to remain unbiased. Never lets politicians get away with evasive answers when he interviews them, but smiles the whole time as he makes them wish they were never born.
CM Punk: War Correspondent- (The man is always scrapping for the love of the game, so of course he'd be in the centre of a war). He's had bombs dropped on his head more times than he can count and regularly goes for runs as a workout to make sure he's still fit enough to run for his life when he's in active warzones. Can tell you all about the complex international relations and battle strategies but secretly has a morbid interest in death & gore which is what actually got him into the job. Once got shot on live television, showed off the wound on camera and finished his broadcast before getting medical treatment. Was only mildly miffed about nearly dying, mostly excited by the whole experience.
Jackie Redmond: Justice Correspondent- (Basically her analyst role in WWE gives me the vibe of someone discussing a crime case). Can tell you all about how 17 people have been skinned alive and cannibalised in graphic detail so casually as if she's talking about the weather. At this point in her career, pretty much nothing can phase her. So if something actually manages to leave her speechless, you know it's bad.
Cathy Kelley: General Reporter- (Basically cos it's just what she's doing in WWE). Going wherever she needs to be to interview people and get to the bottom of a story. Has interviewed some really dangerous people that are twice her size all in the name of finding a good story and everyone's just like "for the love of god please think about ur own safety for once."
The Miz: Media Correspondent- (Cos of his reality TV background and generally over the top vibes). He'd be all over red carpet events and he's definitely still hoping to use his media journalism as some leverage to get into show-business himself. Celebs see him at events and pray they haven't been spotted so they don't have to talk to him, cos he can be a lot. But this little bastard has the eyes of a hawk and will hunt them down. Especially if he's persoanlly a big fan of them and their work.
R-Truth: Weatherman- (Cos he's a ray of sunshine :) ) Just imagine the batshit insanity of him telling people about a storm or how nice the weather's gonna be or something (I'm thinking like a Bob Hale skit on the original Horrible Histories, that kind of madness).
Sheamus: Tech Correspondent- (Cos he's a former IT technician so he can be all brainy). Constantly treated like IT support rather than a journalist and is sick of having to switch on servers people promised were already on, and listening to people with no idea what they're talking about prattle on about the benefits of AI. But at least he gets to talk about flying cars and robot dogs all day and muck about with new tech for a living.
Triple H: Editor In Chief- (Basically the top role in journalism to match with his current role in real life). Running things is like trying to herd cats, but hey, he can put on a pretty damn good show. Trying desperately to move on from the scandals of the days when the previous editor-in-chief was in charge of things.
Obviously some of them wouldn't be able to use their ring names in those environments. Plus I'm probably forgetting some people who should be in this AU that have been involved in pre/post shows, hosting, and commentary, but my brain's a bit too frazzled to go thru all the PLEs right now.
But like... come on... look at them and just imagine for a second... do you see the vision???? Or have I finally gone a bit mad??
LIKE JUST LOOK AT THEM!!
Also it gives me even more reasons to think about punk in suits <3
Also also if he were a war correspondent and had to go out into dangerous places, they'd make him wear gear which means more of this. vvv
Also CM Punk & Big E Langston are the two people I'm blaming for putting this AU in my head just so you know. Cos look at them!!
But also since punkintyre died, I've been reliving my sheamus/punk shipping days and just imagine sheamus waiting for his husband to come back from reporting in an active warzone and being worried for his safety (especially if he's been hurt before [whump time?]). And then all the excitement and relief when he gets back and giving each other special attention cos they were both so stressed and now they're just so happy to see each other again.
Also imagine Punk being inept with technology and needing help from tech savvy husband who's so proud that punk's finally learnt how to attach a file in an email. Punk probably sends Sheamus facebook minions memes and Sheamus despairs.
And then Punk excitedley explains all about battle strategies and war history and Sheamus excitedley explains back about the complexities of designing a self driving car or some shit. They're both just being massive nerds together. Even better when their interests overlap, like the design of tanks or something. Feel like they'd be talking for hours and everyone is like "guys come on, we have a show to run" but they're too busy with their hyperfixations (autistic sheapunk anyone? [is that what the ship name is??]).
Just think of the shipping potential!!
And this whole countdown show also was major inspo cos to me it just looks so much like a news show.
And these three just give me the vibe that E (being a political correspondent) would obviously be doing a show for the elections. And since law and war are both very close to politics, he'd get punk and jackie in to keep him company and the three would do an overnight show reporting on election results as they come in, chatting shit the entire time.
Btw I still don't know what this all means for the other WWE wrestlers. Defeats the point of using commentators and hosts if I also have all the wrestlers also being journalists. So maybe they can be the people featured in the news. All having "normal" jobs like politicians and military and scientists and shit. And these guys can be reporting on their nonsense and bullying them in interviews.
I feel like I could add more people to it, like having ring announcers as general news readers, and Shawn Michaels, Adam Pearce and Nick Aldis as editors or something. And I'm probably forgetting other people who hosted PLEs or were presenters on pre/post shows, and other commentators. So there'll be plenty more that could be added.
Sorry about the info dump but I needed to put this somewhere. I'm not the only one seeing the vision on this am I????
#i know this is such a weirdly specific au to do#but I haven't been able to get it out of my mind all weekend#also journalist sheapunk is giving me feelings right now#i need to dig a very deep hole and just get in it and die rn#the fluff is just getting too fluffy for my cold dead heart to handle#so sweet I'm gonna get diabetes#michael cole#corey graves#wade barrett#pat mcafee#big e langston#cm punk#jackie redmond#cathy kelly#the miz#r-truth#sheamus#triple h#newscaster au#just in case i end up needing a whole tag for it to be able to find my shit again later
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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I keep thinking about this (and it's not exactly a high bar to reach or anything) but the way Biosphere handled the gender/sex stuff was like the perfect blend of in character for two middle aged cis dudes (from the story perspective) and also being mindful/aware/respectful of transgender people (from a more meta perspective, though somewhat in the story also) and it honestly just kind of impressed me.
#SPOILERS IN TAGS IF YOU CARE // ->#the early movie juxtaposition of billy being like ''im turning into a woman??'' and ray who is more scientifically inclined opting-#to clarify and be like ''no. your sex organs are just changing''#and ray who has also spent a lot of his life trying to be a better and more open/accepting person being the one to tell billy that there-#are ''lots of people who are stuck with the genitals they don't want'' to try and calm him down/bring him back from freaking out/make the-#situation seem less isolating and alien to billy#and then the mid-to-late movie juxtaposition with ray cracking under his own fear and weight of the way he was brought up. saying-#(or nearly saying) a few less than savoury things. and billy who goes on his own little mental gender journey offscreen-#questioning if he was actually a man or if he just thought he was one because he ''had the bits and was told that was how it is''#ray who's made up with his best friend telling him that ''you're you'' and that thats the most important thing before all.#billy coming to terms with and honestly getting on board with his body and it's new functions while still feeling confident enough in his-#self identity to say yeah. despite recent circumstances it does feel right for me. he has gone from 0 to having crazy gender thoughts and-#despite a major change happening against his will. he's confident in his identity as a man. and separating that from what people have told-#them it MEANS to be able to say whether you're a man or not.#like. there are things said by these characters and to each other. that feel like they could be real.#and any strife or pressure or sense of bigotry is not from a meta place of malice. but a point for these characters to ponder and discuss-#their existence and upbringing and the way that they are.#like. god. hello. does this make any sense.#i learned that one of the producers is a trans woman and honestly that's maybe the least surprising thing about this movie#and i heard someone say that they apparently consulted multiple transgender people but i couldnt actually find a source for that so-#grain of salt for that one.#POINT BEING everyone go watch this movie NOW.#I've got a draft for a thing i want to draw based on this movie but i need to finish all my current tasks first#but god. it had the potential to be so bad. but it wasn't. it was so crazy good.#grafftalk#delete later
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…a labyrinthine series of lines, criss-crossing each other in all sort of ways. These covered the paper so thickly that only with difficulty could one make out the white spaces in between. "Read it," said the Officer. [...] Then the Officer began to spell out the inscription and then read out once again the joined up letters. "Be just!' it states," he said. "Now you can read it." […] "'Be just!' it says," the Officer remarked once again.
In The Penal Colony, Franz Kafka; transl. Ian Johnston [x]
pawn / tool /puppet / cog BE JUST another gear / in the / Harrowing machine
This was originally intended to be (bc I am very normal about all the very normal things I like) a piece of Kafka-referential fanart of Amanda Young, from Saw, with my rendition of the Officer’s design from the execution machine carved into her corpse… didn’t go that far with it, obviously, because I can’t draw for shit. If you’ve never gotten a chance to read it or not read it in a long time, this is your call to arms to read In The Penal Colony. It’s VERY short, albeit somewhat disturbing— the pdf I linked to with the quote is the whole thing, which is 19 pages long as formatted there— but it’s one of those things that lives in your brain afterwards.
It centers around a large, incredibly elaborate and complex machine used for tortuous executions, and the legacy of the now-dead man who designed, built, and used it. I’ve sort of always been fascinated by the idea of trying to create the illegibly elaborate designs it’s described as using— this one contains more than the central, aforementioned words, of course— highlighted under the cut.
#weird tangential items being made out here#fucked up sentence of the day I’ve always sort of wanted to make a design for the sentences bc it uhhhhh reminds me of uh my dad#hadn’t really thought about how disturbing that sounds until now but it’s fine#kafka#I’d love to be able to tag this so as to find it later bc I have another concept for this design I’d also like to try to make but#PLEASE talk to me about Kafka and also Saw. I have messaging back finally and I’m screaming into the void#also I have not said this but I adore adam obvs I’m just. velvetgoldminecristianbalepointingdotgif mandy…….#I put this in my drafts two weeks ago and now I’m posting it at 1am. I have to be up for work in THREE AND A HALF HOURS. hell world.#BUT the group PTSD therapist they comped at the office told me to AVOID AVOIDANCE and I consider this therapeutic 😌
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i kinda wanna try getting myself into overwatch tumblr again but i dont know how 2 do it, the actually active people around the general tags seem to be focused on characters i dont care about or ships i vaguely dislike so im just here like 🕴️ standing in the corner and scavenging my old blog for old fanart crumbs to reblog. i dont expect an older (by modern standards) media to be popping out but i wish it was easier finding your niche here as it is on twitter (rip)
#was scurrying around the tf2 tags and man i love my mercs but apart from some cool artists i just dont vibe with the fandom here anymore#im following like 3k accounts bc this blog is ancient but theres 7 people in my dash this is just sad#what i should do is find a fresh fandom to attach myself to but my brain doesnt really get invested in things so easily#look there IS dragon age the veilguard right around the corner too but knowing i dont have money to waste on fresh releases#and i wont be able to play until 2 years later on sales (IF my old pc can even run it) really curbs my enthusiasm#even if DA is my dearest universe. the sadness is strong#so overwatch and beloved old people from overwatch is what i can do now#sms
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy
You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing
I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know
Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards
...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said
Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes
#to be clear; I don't mind people disagreeing with me (though that's not what's happened here... I don't think I came into it at all)#but all I need in order to be able to work with disagreement is just... knowing you at least heard and understood me#like if it's 'I get that you think that vanilla is a good flavor of icecream; but I really prefer chocolate'... ok; this works for me#it's that... a lot of the time it honest feels more like 'what are you talking about? vanilla isn't a flavor' where... huh?#let's take a real example; not everyone needs to agree with me on nuclear#but like... someone saying 'I get that it's way safer these days; but I still worry about waste storage'... well ok then#but if it's just like 'but it's dangerous and will explode' even after I've explained about the designs now#where there's a salt plug that with melt and drain before anything can happen; and these materials don't like to run away#...and it's not like they're asking me to back up the source; it's like I never said anything at all...#what am I supposed to do here? you feel me on that? do you start to get why I feel like I'm going crazy when that's how it often feels?#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good#acknowledge that I voiced something and it's been noted#honestly... honestly my who life it's felt like I must somehow actually be invisible#...to an extent maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination; I might well be a ghost that's lonely and makes you all up#...for all the impact my actions have#or maybe literally everything I say just comes out garbled... is that it?#this post is about something very specific; but it's also about something that happens a lot with a lot of different people#on a broader scale; why is it no one else seems to be able to connect the dots#and these aren't like... conspiracy theory dots; these are like russia buys drones from Iran; therefore russia and Iran are partners#that's the kind of dots I'm talking about connecting; please tell me that's not a conspiracy theory to you... it seems plain to me#I don't know... I really don't... I don't think much I say will ever have any impact anywhere on anyone#...honestly a good 90% of the time people don't even respond to what I say#not like my posts here; I mean direct in dms or whatever; I'll say stuff and it's just silence or a new subject#again; across multiple people; it's common... it's... I think it happens more often than it doesn't#I can instantly name 4 conversations with 4 different people that's happened with lately#and that's not counting the 3 where I know the reason why it's happened#I really am something unfit to live; the evidence is endless#mm tag so i can find things later
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books i read this january:
1. 'station eleven' by emily st. john mandel
5/5 stars — literally so good, such a great start to the year. i loved the writing style and the story and the characters and i am forever grateful to the friend of a friend who kept telling me i should read this because he was totally right and it's so good. definitely recommend this if you like apocalyptic stuff that's more an exploration of humanity than action/thriller
2. 'ghosts: the button house archives' by mathew baynton, simon farnaby, martha howe-douglas, jim howick, laurence rickard and ben willbond
3/5 stars — everything i wanted from a ghosts book tbh, loved getting to hear more about the characters but i would've liked a bit more serious stuff about fanny (this isn't really a criticism just wish there had been because she's such a compelling character to me)
3. 'i am malala' by malala yousafzai
4/5 stars — really good for anyone unfamiliar with pakistani culture and politics to help explain recent history as well as being genuinely very interesting. definitely recommend
4. 'heartstopper: volume 5' by alice oseman
3/5 stars — cute and nice to read as a queer british teenager, i like alice oseman's art a lot and i liked how she approached the topics discussed in it. only 3 stars just because like it doesn't really speak to me personally not because it isn't good or anything
5. 'never let me go' by kazuo ishiguro
4/5 stars — i have a weird relationship with his writing i feel like with both the books i've read by him the endings have just been a bit lacking for me? but not for a reason i can actually define and i still really liked the rest of the book and i really like his writing style as well
6. 'yellowface' by rebecca f. kuang
4/5 stars — not my favourite work by her but i found it really interesting to read. idk it's been quite controversial and i don't think i know enough about the issues discussed in the book to have an opinion but it did make me think about a lot of things i'd never really considered before which was why i found it interesting
7. 'gideon the ninth' by tamsyn muir
5/5 stars — this book was right up my street; i absolutely love gideon and the way the book's written. gideon and harrowhark's relationship was really compelling and i love the concept. if you read this book (please do) i would recommend that you read the glossary before you start the book because i spent at least the first 50 pages with no idea what was going on but after that it was amazing
8. 'the seven husbands of evelyn hugo' by taylor jenkins reid
3/5 stars — kind of just not my thing, sorry to all my friends who love it (none of them are on tumblr lol). i thought it was interesting but it just wasn't really my taste
9. 'tsunami girl' by julian sedgwick and chie kutsuwada
4/5 stars — i definitely didn't expect to enjoy this as much as i did but i actually really liked it the whole way through. the characters were great and i found the romance subplot way more well-written and believable than i expected (this might just be me because i'm a bit weird about reading relationships as romantic in books so a lot of straight romance where they sort of just expect you to pick up on it as romantic purely because it's a boy and a girl comes across as really flat to me and i end up just deciding that they're only friends to me whereas in this book i actually did read their relationship as romantic and wanted them to go out)
10. 'nation' by terry pratchett
5/5 stars — i think this is the first terry pratchett i've read other than good omens and i really, really enjoyed it. it took me a while to get into but i liked the characters and also found the sort-of-romance in this believable which was cool. also just really interesting to be honest, i recommend this as well
#reading tag#<- just created this so i can do this once a month :)#can't wait until february is over because the book i finished on the 1st was so sooo good#idk if i should tag this or not because i don't really want to annoy other people trying to use the tags for the books#but also i want to be able to find this post within my own blog under the book titles#might leave it for now and then come back and tag them later like maybe when i make my february books#also if anyone did actually bother reading this and wants to discuss any of the books with me then please please please do#comment on the post or message me or drop me an ask or whatever mutuals or not#also if you see any typos please tell me <3#mine#station eleven#bbc ghosts#heartstopper#never let me go#yellowface#tlt
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i already feel like today is gonna be hard for me :/
#p#ive been at work like 5 mins n awake less than an hour but like#i already feel like im gonna not be able to deal w anything n i struggle w that on normal days#like work is v stressful n overwhelming for me anytime#but i just woke up feeling :((( yknow#like physically its gonna be not good n stressful n then that makes me feel worse emotionally ofc#maybe ill be wrong abt this but i just feel like i wanna cry already n the only stuff so far has been#feeling bad n gross physically+being here is too bright n loud which im used to but doesnt help#wanna curl up at home but alas. can do that in 8 hrs tho :(#<= well now ive been here later (tag abt how long ive been at work) cuz i was trying to find a pic to use alsjdk
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