#just stop judging others please ffs

[guardianssystem]

Tumblr Post of our Endogenic and Non-traumagenic Plurality Research

EDIT: THIS POST IS OUTDATED COMPARED TO THE LINKED DOCUMENT. PLEASE CHECK THE DOCUMENT FIRST. THANK YOU

Endogenic & Non-Traumagenic Plurality

By Guardians System, a diagnosed traumagenic DID system with PTSD and CPTSD

For use by everyone, to be read by EVERYONE

Brought to you by sysmeds who say “I’m not reading all that” (/j)

Feel free to DM on Twitter at GuardiansSystemOpen for anonymous questions on Tellonym also under GuardiansSystemOtherwise, just comment! :)

Lists of Links

Put together by community members! (Not thoroughly checked)

Plurality/Multiplicity + Syscourse Resources and Findings

Pastebin by ButterflyBlood - contains info from the DSM-3 to the DSM-V, medical info, community info, Tulpa info, syscourse info, and a video

Cambrian's Thread of Experts

Thread by the Cambrian Crew - contains info from Dr Eric Yarbrough (Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association), info from Dr Nijenhuis and Van Der Hart (two of the writers of the Theory of Structural Dissociation), info from the ICD-11 and DSM-V-TR, and an interview by Dr Richard Loewenstein (lead editor of the DSM-V’s section on DIssociative Disorders)

Studies into non-disordered and/or endogenic plurality

Pastebin by Oliviaset - contains multiple science/government links and a video

Collected Plurality Info - 8 pages of resources - Fractal System

Document by The Fractal System - contains explanations on multiple types of plurality and references links to each, contains community info, history info, academic info, and more

Scientific Papers on Endogenic Plurality - r/Plural

Post and comments by numerous systems/supporters - contains a massive amount of uncategorised links to all types of information on non-traumagenic plurality

Multiplicity Links - SARAH K REECE

Site by Sarah K Reece - a previously diagnosed traumagenic DID system that no longer fits the criteria but is still a system, links focus mainly on general helpful system information

Scientific Articles on Nondisordered Systems

Document by Tabellenblatt1 (?) - contains info specific to non-disordered plurality, including the interview by Dr Richard Loewenstein

Ex Uno Plures - Articles

Community site by Plures House - contains explanations on plurality, info on living plural, info on personal experiences, medical info, philosophical info, social info, and syscourse info

An Endogenic Proof Masterlist - Plural Anomaly

Document by Plural Anomaly - contains community info, academic info, and criticisms on the Theory of Structural Dissociation

Plurality Studies - Multiplicity and Plurality Wiki

Wiki made by numerous community members - contains uncategorised abstracts from medical info and info on Tulpas

Non-Traumagenic & Endogenic System Information

General medical/clinical studies and research

It's just a body: A community-based participatory exploration of the experiences and health care needs for transgender plural people

Study by numerous people including a system - repeatedly references and explains multiple types of plurality, both traumagenic and non-traumagenic

Multiplicity: An Explorative Interview Study on Personal Experiences of People with Multiple Selves

Study by numerous people - uses some outdated language, however, explores how systems exist both with and without Dissociative Identity Disorder

Conceptualising multiplicity spectrum experiences: a systematic review and thematic synthesis

Study by numerous people - explores how multiplicity exists outside of Dissociative Identity Disorder in a medical context in order to recommend appropriate health services

Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness over Multiplicity: An Examination of  Dissociative Identity (Disorder) in Five Clinical Texts (Alternative Link)

Study by Kymbra Clayton - explains how multiple selves can be healthy without the need for singularity

NORMAL DIMENSIONS OF MULTIPLE PERSONALITY WITHOUT AMNESIA

Study by multiple people - uses slightly outdated language, describes how multiplicity can be considered natural without the dissociative disorders, and how the dissociative disorders could simply be expanding upon multiplicity

Cognitive processes in dissociation: An analysis of core theoretical assumptions

Study by numerous people - discusses potentially healthy dissociation and the existence of dissociation without trauma

MODES OF EXISTENCE: TOWARDS A PHENOMENOLOGICAL POLYPSYCHISM

Study by Mick Cooper - discusses alternative ways for multiple selves to exist

A plurality of selves? An illustration of polypsychism in a recovered addict

Study by Peter T.F. Raggatt - discusses the normality of non-traumagenic multiplicity and different ways for natural plurality to exist

A Jungian Perspective on the Dissociability of the Self

Study by Brian R. Skea - includes multiple mentions of Freud, extremely explicit and triggering language, and repeated use of outdated terms, however helps to provide an understanding of much older views on non-traumagenic dissociation and plurality

TRANSGENDER Mental Health - chapter 11

Book by Dr. Eric Yarbrough of the American Psychiatric Association - states repeatedly throughout the chapter that plurality is only a part of dissociative identity disorder and exists without the disorder, as well as trauma only being reported in some cases of plurality and that trauma is not the only cause for plurality, and states that plurality itself is only a collection of alters

"I've Learned to Treat my Characters like People": Varieties of Agency and Interaction of Writers' Experiences of their Characters' Voices

Study by multiple people - describes authors’ common experience of accidental multiplicity caused by their characters gaining autonomy

Dissociation in Trauma: A New Definition and Comparison with Previous Formulations

Article by Ellert R S Nijenhuis and Onno van der Hart (two of the writers of the Theory of Structural Dissociation) - page 27, at the end of the article, they recognise mediumship and similar practices as a “division of personality,” which is what they refer to the dissociative disorders as

Exploring the Experiences of Young People with Multiplicity

Research by Zarah Eve and Sarah Perry - begins with multiplicity only sometimes being applicable for a DID/OSDD diagnosis, and continues that multiplicity itself and the dissociative disorders are not the same, as well as some respondents not associating their multiplicity with trauma alongside the dissociative disorders not applying to some of the respondents, and having a section for some multiplicity not being based in trauma

Comparison of Brazilian spiritist mediumship and dissociative identity disorder

Study by multiple people - in comparing Dissociative Identity Disorder with Brazilian Spiritist Mediumship, it was found the two shared very similar results, only that the Mediumship results appeared slightly healthier than DID

Tulpamancy

Studies and research specifically on Tulpas, though can apply to other plurality

Tibetan Buddhist with a Tulpa - Opinion on Plurality

Post by Dharma Yokeyodasampa - a Tibetan Buddhist with a more traditional Tulpa asking community members for questions, discussions include what they think about plurality, western Tulpamancy, how their Tulpa feels, and the difference between western Tulpamancy and the Tibetan practice. (This is a post compiling and explaining most of it, with a response from Dharma.)

Personality Characteristics of Tulpamancers and Their Tulpas

Study by multiple people - examines and explores what Tulpas are, what they do, their role, Tulpa experiences, some history, and more

Sentient companions predicted and modeled into existence: explaining the Tulpa phenomenon

Study by Kaj Sotala - describes a theory on how Tulpas may be psychologically caused via “feedback loops” (can also be applied to various other types of plurality, such as multiplicity caused by authors/artists and caused by other disorders)

A Time for Tulpas

Thesis by Nick Stager - discusses what a Tulpa is, experiences with Tulpas, the development of Tulpas, how other practices may be similar, how an author can accidentally create Tulpas, and more

Tracking the Tulpa - Exploring the "Tibetan" Origins of a Contemporary Paranormal Idea

Book by Natasha L. Mikles and Joseph P. Laycock - explains what Tulpas are, how Tulpas are created both intentionally and unintentionally, some of the history behind Tulpa, and Tulpas based on theosophy instead of the Tibetan practice

Tulpas and Mental Health: A Study of Non-Traumagenic Plural Experiences

Study by Jacob J. Isler - explains what Tulpamancy is and how it can differ from Dissociative Identity Disorder but still be plural 

Paranormalizing the Popular through the Tibetan Tulpa: Or what the next Dalai Lama, the X Files and Affect Theory (might) have in common

Article by Ben Joffe - explains what Tulpas are, how Tulpas develop, Tulpa experiences in the outside world, the difference between Tulpamancy and the Tibetan practice, some of the history behind Tulpas, Theosophy-related Tulpas, and Tibetan Sprulpa experiences

Making Friends - Transcript of a Podcast on Tulpas

(Slightly incorrect: more info here) Discussion by multiple people - explains multiple personal experiences with a Tulpa, actions of a Tulpa, accidental creation of Tulpas through writing, Tulpas taking over the physical body, Tulpas having a different identity, purposeful creation of Tulpas, discussions with professionals (Richard J. Loewenstein,) the difference between Tulpas and psychosis, the similarity between Tulpas and Dissociative Identity Disorder, how without distress then it can’t be disordered, and more

Daring to Hear Voices

Dalai Lama - Buddhist practices are open to those who need them

Clinical Information

Helpful medical information not specifically related to non-traumagenic systems

DID Brain Pattern Study Doesn't Measure Up - December 2018

Critique by Spot&Cerberus - discusses the multiple flaws with the MRI scan on DID patients

Moral Status and the Treatment of DID Study by Timothy J. Bane - discusses the current known treatments for DID in the context of integration being commonly used, how it may be unethical and unhealthy to force integration, and that a multiple can healthily exist

DID, OSDD, and UDD Diagnostic Guide (NZ)

Diagnostic guide by ACC (Accident Compensation Corporation) - the New Zealand guide to diagnosing patients with DID, OSDD, and UDD, includes history of the diagnosis, problems with the diagnosis, alternative diagnoses, requirements for a diagnosis, what to avoid in a diagnosis, what to look for in a diagnosis, and similar

The Theory of Structural Dissociation

Theory by multiple people - the most commonly used theory to explain dissociation, often specifically related to dissociative disorders

Problems with the Theory of Structural Dissociation

Research by multiple people - discusses multiple problems with the Theory of Structural Dissociation, including it being a theory, the discarding of derealisation, depersonalisation, dissociative fugue, dissociative amnesia, the lack of association with trauma and PTSD in the DSM-V, and proposes some different ideas

ICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics

Book by the World Health Ogranisation - Dissociative disorders on 6B64

DSM DID ALTERATIONS

DSM-V-TR

DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition)

Book by the American Psychiatric Association - Dissociative Disorders on page 336

DSM-IV-TR

DSM-IV

DSM-III-R

DSM-III

DSM-II-SPECIAL

DSM-II

DSM-I-SPECIAL

DSM-I

Plural History

Explanations and references to different parts of plural history

Plural History - 1811

Collection by Lb Lee - contains multiple parts of history in which systems of all types have existed (there are 4 different chapters)

A Partial History of Plural Self-Advocacy

Collection by Alt H - describes times in history starting from 1987 when non-traumagenic plural advocacy was recorded

It's Not Just a Tumblr Thing - Kerry Dawkins

Article by Ex Uno Plures - contains references in history to plurality outside of and before Tumblr

A Brief History of the Use of "System" in a Non-DID Space

Collection by Lb Lee - describes the history of the word “system” being used to describe those with multiple selves, and how it isn’t a disorder-specific term

A Quick'N'Dirty History of "System" as Plural Slang

Collection by Lb Lee - explains the history of the word “system” and the different uses

"Endogenic" was not coined by Freud

Collection by Sophie in Wonderland - a discussion on the anti-endos claim that “endogenic” was coined by Freud

Origin of the term Endogenic

Explanation by the Lunastus Collective - details how the term “endogenic” came to be created, what led up to it, and what happened after

I saw a post saying we should just believe RAMCOA surivors... okay... so how about this one?

Explanation by Sophie in Wonderland - describes how and why anti-endos think “system hopping” was stolen by endogenic systems from RAMCOA systems, including an explanation from the RAMCOA system that anti-endos reference

Community Explanations

Explanations on endogenic plurality by community members (sources are used)

Debunking the Anti-Endo Carrd - Guardians System

To be updated

What do Sysmeds say That is Transphobic/TERF Rhetoric?

Post by multiple people - a discussion on the comparison of sysmeds and transmeds, and how their arguments and the language they use is the same

Why Not Just Use Thoughtform?

Collection by Sophie in Wonderland and Olivia Set - describes why some parogenic systems prefer using Tulpa over Thoughtform 

Debunking Sysmeds - Claims and Rebuttals

Carrd by Ozymandias& - lists claims that anti-endos make against endogenic systems, and critiques the claims alongside referencing studies

I would define a plural system as having multiple, compartmentalised, self-conscious agents - SophieInWonderland

Collection by Sophie in Wonderland - an explanation of the validity of endogenic and non-traumagenic systems complete with referenced research and studies

Studies and Research into Endogenic and Non-Disordered Plurality

Masterpost - Academia on Endogenic and non-traumagenic plurality

Post by Inclusive Syscourse - contains an explanation on the validity of endogenic and non-traumagenic plurality complete with referenced research

Claims There is No Research On Endogenics

Post by Unknown - a list of research on endogenic and non-traumagenic plurality alongside explanations and descriptions

Origins of Plurality and Levels of Dissociation

Study by The Phoenixes - uses the DES to gain insight into plurality not caused by trauma

The Tulpa Carrd - explain the nature and origins of Tulpamancy and what surrounds it

Carrd by Unknown - lists an explanation and some history of Tulpamancy alongside references to research

Likely Origins of "Tulpamancy is Cultural Appropriation"

Post by the Dragonheart System - critiques a Carrd claiming that Tulpamancy is cultural appropriation, referencing research and studies

Resources

General helpful resources for all systems

Multiplicity Wiki - A wiki by plurals and multiples, for plurals and multiples

Wiki by multiple people - contains terms, definitions, and general information on all types of plurality and multiplicity

Layman's Guide to Multiplicity

Guide by Unknown - contains terms, definitions, information, explanations, and experiences on multiple types of plurality

The Plural Association - For Dissociative Identity Disorder & all other forms of Multiplicity under the Plural umbrella

Organisation by the Stronghold System (?) - contains help sites for all types of struggling systems, alongside helpful information and articles on multiple areas

Pluralpedia - the collaborative plurality dictionary

Dictionary by multiple people - contains a massive amount of information on the majority of plural terms and history

Endogenic Hub -  a site dedicated to endogenic plurality

Hub by the Hordes System - contains information and experiences on multiple types of non-traumagenic plurality, alongside explanations of what plurality is

More Than One - Plurality (or multiplicity) is the existence of multiple self-aware entities inside one physical brain

Site by Unknown - contains information on terms, different system origins, denounces myths about plurality, and different plural experiences

The Dissociative Initiative - For, by, and about people with multiplicity, dissociation, and amnesia

Run by Sarah K Reece - a support group for systems that contains different information and resources on plurality

Tulpa Info - "For Science"

Guide by Unknown - multiple different languages, explains what a Tulpa is, why they can exist, and where to begin when making a Tulpa

FAQ

If you’re a sysmed, you might end up here! Congrats if you do!

What is a system? A system is anyone who has more than one entity/identity in the body/brain. 

What is plural/multiple? They mean pretty much the same as "system", only "plural" was made exclusively to be inclusive of every experience that involves many in the same body. E.g. if someone is an anti-endo or sysmed and uses the hashing "plural" to find friends, they're going to attract inclusive folks who support endos.

What is DID? DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is a disorder in which a system experiences severe dissociation that heavily impacts their life on a day-to-day basis.

What is OSDD? OSDD stands for otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder and is used when they experience similar symptoms to DID but are missing one of the diagnostic criteria. E.g. OSDD-1A is used when there's a lack of distinct identities or no identities. OSDD-1B is used when there's a lack of memory gaps. (The separate OSDD categories don't properly exist as a diagnosis themselves - they are carried over from DDNOS.)

What is UDD? UDD stands for Unspecified Dissociative Disorder. It's often used as a placeholder diagnosis by professionals to say that although there is a dissociative disorder, they're not sure what it is.

What is a non-disordered system? A non-disordered system is a system without DID, OSDD, or UDD. They don't experience the disorders or do not fit the criteria. 

What is traumagenic, endogenic, mixed-origins, etc.? Traumagenic is a system that is formed from trauma. Endogenic is a system that is formed without trauma. Mixed-origins is a system that has multiple origins, E.g. some alters came from trauma and some did not.

What is a Tulpa? A Tulpa is a created identity that comes from repeatedly feeding information on one character or multiple characters into the brain. It can be purposeful or accidental.

DID/OSDD/UDD are trauma disorders? The diagnostic criteria for the disorders don't include trauma being necessary, nor does it anywhere else in the category. Trauma disorders and dissociative disorders are also categorised separately, and there are past studied cases of DID that weren't caused by trauma. The DSM-V-TR also includes a section that states trauma isn't necessary for a diagnosis.

You need trauma to be a system? The DSM-V specifies that a diagnosis of DID cannot be applied to cultural plurality. Culture-related plurality has existed and been documented for centuries, erased by colonisation and racism. Common cultural plurality includes Tibetan Buddhism, many Two-Spirit folk, medians, and mediums. These and more are all plural.

Dissociation is a trauma reaction? You’ll find nearly every if not every professional refers to some dissociation as “trauma-related dissociation” - take, for example, Kathy Steele, one of the writers of the Theory of Structural Dissociation, whose work consists almost only of “trauma-related dissociation”. That wouldn’t be necessary if dissociation only came from trauma. Dissociation is commonly shown to exist both inside and outside of other disorders. It’s especially common in BPD, ADHD, MADD, autism, and a few other disorders.

So only cultural and spiritual plurality can be non-traumagenic? They’re the most well-researched, but not the only non-traumagenic plurality. There are a few different theories as to how other plurality can form. Many experience their plurality caused by mostly unrelated disorders - autism, ADHD, BPD, Bipolar Disorder, MADD, etc. Others report accidentally creating alters, especially those who focus on characters, such as writers, artists, and authors. Yet more simply say they were born with their plurality, or grew up being plural without trauma being the cause. We believe plurality that hasn’t existed since birth could be caused by a “feedback loop” (here) in which one’s brain, after being fed repeated information, begins to predict the information, therefore creating actions to fill that prediction. This could be used to explain Tulpamancy (repeated info), artists/authors/writers (repeated info), ASD (masking and special interests), ADHD (masking and hyperfixations), BPD (splitting and more), MADD (repeated info), Bipolar (different states), and so on. 

Endogenic systems harm traumagenic systems? We and others have asked multiple times for sysmeds to tell us why they think endogenic systems hurt them, and every time we’ve either received silence or something that’s already been covered. Besides that, anti-endos hurt other traumagenic systems with their BS far more than endogenic systems might hurt them.

Anti-endos hurt traumagenic systems? Yup, and very frequently, considering sysmeds repeat the exact same information. Sysmeds say you have to be disordered to be a system - traumagenic systems exist without being disordered. Sysmeds say endogenic systems stole traumagenic terms - a mix of the communities coined the majority of system terms, and “endogenic” was coined by a traumagenic system. Sysmeds say what someone went through isn’t traumatising or horrific enough - traumagenic systems can be caused by any amount of trauma, no matter how “insignificant” it seems. Sysmeds repeatedly tell endogenic systems they need to have trauma - telling someone they have to have trauma when they either don’t or have amnesia around it can be incredibly damaging and has hurt many traumagenic systems. Sysmeds say they need to go to a psychologist or a therapist and be diagnosed - many traumagenic systems can’t be diagnosed. Many endogenic systems have trauma, just know they weren’t formed from it, and anti-endos repeatedly mock them about having trauma. There’s much, much more, but to end it, as a traumagenic system, we’ve personally been assaulted, harassed, threatened, told to kill ourself, and had our trauma completely invalidated and discarded by anti-endo traumagenic systems.

Expired Links

Looking for alternatives

Endogenic Research (Text Form) - NightFallSystem

----------------------------

Hey everybody.

This is a list of the research and resources we've compiled over the last year or so that refers in some way to plurality, especially in the context of being endogenic and non-traumagenic supportive.

We often argue this subject on Twitter, alongside (hope you don't mind the tags) @cambriancrew and @sophieinwonderland . We've included a few of their posts in this, as they do share some wonderful information. Sophie deals in mainly Tulpamancy, we believe? And Cambrians does a wide range of things. They've both been incredibly helpful, so big credit and massive thank you to those two (and anyone else in this document) :)

Feel free to link this post or the document itself to anyone. Link it everywhere. Feel free to tag us too, as your friendly neighbourhood endo-friendly traumagenic DID system with PTSD and CPTSD. Our collective pronouns are phe/phex/phins, and we're collectively called Guardians or Guardians System.

Hope this helps some folks! If anything's wrong in this post, mention it in the notes (we think that's how Tumblr works?) and we'll adjust it in the Google Document. Alternatively, if you'd prefer to remain anonymous or would like to talk to us directly, you can check our LinkTree at the top of this page. We're always open to feedback and new research! We're especially interested in making our document more reader-friendly, as it can be a bit of an eyesore. but we're not the best at formatting documents.

If we do receive updates to edit some information, we'll be doing so on the document, so always double-check there in case there's been a change. If there are enough updates, we'll redo this post, but hopefully, that won't be necessary for a long time, because formatting all this in Tumblr is more than enough for us.

Thank you for reading!

-Rakan (not Marcus, fuck you Marcus)

[theflyingfeeling]

...💩

[thatdeadaquarius]

Was reading thru ur answered asks again (also hey lol i CAME BACK--) and like. Oh my god. It gave me The Most Idea.

So you get isekaied to Teyvat right? They hear your og language, they revere every single worf from your mouth, yadda yadda yadda. But like. How does SLANG AND THE OTHER ASPECTS OF UR OG LANGUAGE translate. I am having VERY heavy flashbacks to Pokemons "jelly filled donuts".

So like-- for example: (this is the first one that came to my head dont judge me i am tumblr trash) (lets also assume that traveler has perfect understanding of ur language and slang and all the nuances of it)

Lets say you and the traveler were hanging out with some of the Vision holders, and the traveler had some shenanigans and pranks or something planned. After they pull their shit, you say "i hate you so much (affectionate)". Which kind of throws the Vessels in for a loop because like-- their god literally just said they HATED someone. And hate is a PRETTY STRONG WORD. So they should DEFINITELY strike them down for catching their gods ire but-- AFFECTIONATE????? how does one hate someone affectionately???????? Does this mean their god hates the traveler but decided to recind their hate last second? Is it some form of Divine and Holy emotion that cannot be described by the mere words of their language????

Meanwhile youre just there vibin and having a blast with the traveler while you casually give them a philosophical crisis AHAHAHA

Another example is shortened words-- because i know teyvat doesnt have shit like "ily" or "omg" or "lmao" or "fyi" or "brb". Because honestly, without the cultural knowledge and background of the internet, these sets of letters are just fucking GIBBERISH.

And i know that like-- i know enough internet slang abbreviations that i can literally just talk in jumbles of letters, so how in the WORLD would the vessels interpret that? Because its very clear that their god is just using the letters of their language, HELL they might even use Teyvatian letters so what in the world are they saying????

So theyd just hear a convo between the traveler and reader thats like:

Reader: traveler, i gtg asap; tldr i forgot some stuff back in the cr brb

Traveler: wait fr?

Reader: yeah fr

Traveler: lol f

Reader: (sighs) ffs man-- anyways brb for real

Traveler: cya

And the vessels are just watching the exchange like "huh?? What????? What just happened here??????" And theyre just wondering if they used teyvatian to talk in the "divine language of the gods" but nah-- yall are just dickin around AHAHA

Hey, so it came to my attention some of this was AAVE, and while i am southern so things like "ya'll" got included w/o me thinking - thats not an excuse for me to use this as a white person.

so if you wouldnt mind letting me please know if i do this as we talk abt language more and more - i do not want to repeat shit like this again.

I'm genuinely sorry to any black readers out there.

I've personally seen and cringed with you when I see imagines/reader things that assume a white person as default,

All I can do in ur eyes is promise that I am actively putting a stop to my ignorance of things like AAVE, and ask for forgiveness (which you arent obligated to give, never feel that way).

So with that in mind, read the ask below with caution, although it has since been edited.

____

ITS YOU!! >:D

A treat for ur ask my liege 🤲🍪✨️

I think u were literally the first asker after my first SAGAU/Isekai language brainrot post!! Omg u came back with a banger LMAO

What in the public menace is this...

(Gif is traveler and u pranking bitches)

Traveler knowing our world + language + SLANG?? INTERNET?? is SUCH A CONCEPT

So much room for inside jokes

I absolutely love the first one u said about phrases these days/gen z ig? slang

Its like so dramatic now that i think about it

Hate / love / dead / die / just straight up threats towards ur friends as affection or if theyre annoying u 😭

So many explicitives that make it hit harder too "go fucking die, my love <3"

^^^Or yeah like contradictions lol

♤

I think it was @nexylaza (srry abt the tag!) who replied to one of my earlier asks about blunt language how that might sound like to Teyvatians like ur emotions sound more extreme than what u actually feeling (which makes sense ur literally using hate = mildly dislike LMAO)

Same situation here like what u said ^^^

♧

(Ok i did lovely Aether awhile back so we'll go w/ Lumine this time! <3 u Aether!!)

.

*idk at an event/party for your arrival or something, and ya hungry fucks r hoarding the buffet table lol 🍻

.

You: "Shut the fuck up Lumine-"

Lumine: "Why r u pouring ur drink like ur in a earthquake lmao? Shaky hands lol"

.

*The immediate area of people around you go dead silent

*Lumine laughs

💀💀!!

.

Lumine: "Your gonna miss our cups LMAO"

You: "Bitch!" (u grinnin too lol)

.

*the whole rooms now quiet 😭

.

Lumine: "Don't spill- 🤣"

You: "I fucking hate you u whore <3"

(And u give the most genuine like abt to laugh smile🥰 )

.

*...a confused and kinda scared tension fills the room lol

*So poor Noelle, is like, oh. my. god. Creator is that upset with Lumine?? I must try to see what happened, how I can help! I dont remember Lumine doing anything bad to them! Shes wonderful y u do this to her 🥲

.

Noelle: "Uh, um, e-excuse me? Is every-everything al-alright, Y-y-your Majesty?"

You: "Huh? Yeah why??"

Noelle: "...w-well..."

UR FACE LIKE "😗?" LMFAO

.

*The room is staring at Lumine, in a mix of like shock, fear, and a little admiration for taking ur hate?? mood swing??? so well,,

theyre just waiting on Noelle to get an answer from you as to why you hate someone u seemed to care so much about, esp since they were ur first vessel 💀

look what you did their poor hearts u gonna give them a heart attack soon

.

Noelle: "A-a-a-a-are y-y-you s-sure??"

SHE IS SWEATIN

You: "🤨🤨??"

.

*Lumine finally notices why theyre all quiet and kinda concerned looking, bc u sure as hell wouldnt 😭 (i mean it is normal speech for u)

.

And Lumine's like: "No Noelle we're all good! It's just how Your Grace's home world, er, speaks for slang? Its overexagerated purposely dont worry love"

...

...

*Im sure they dont all believe her (or even you if u tell them 😭) and are just like,, REALLY NERVOUS CHUCKLING WHILE LIKE SWEATING-

And it takes a good like 10 minutes for the conversations to start getting back to their volume again, and they all still are looking over their shoulder checking on you guys 😰

.

(U did pour drinks w/o spillin tho🍻)

♡

THE TEXTING SLANNGGG

Ok, but u and Lumine would fucking write letters to people, and being the little shits pranksters u are,

(Bc u kno Teyvat dont got nothing else bc we're in the medival ages, besides having cameras- 🙄 )

And u guys r constantly-

"oh yes yes, that sounds all well and good Keqing, please inform the Qixing that I'll be there ASAP"

AND THEN-

"oh haha, silly me, i forgot that only Lumine/you get that stuff, sorryyyy 😋!!!"

SOME PUBLIC MENACES LMFAO PLEASE

.

And it just spreads to ALLLL the official documents u write or literally any letters sent to anybody-

And everyone else is feeling like the friend that got sacrificed to walk in the grass instead of the sidewalk 💀💀

While also being like "??¿?¿??? 🥲🥲😀😀???"

Is this ancient code?? Why does Lumine get to know it??

Why dont the like??? really old deities understand it??!!

But then nerds like Tighnari, Albedo, Alhaitham, Zhongli, Sucrose, Ayaka, Kokomi, Xingqiu, Childe, Yanfei, Shenhe, Kazhua, Sara, Ayato, Heizou, Cyno, Kaeya

Try to "solve" the letters or slang, poor things and not a single one of them gets it (y did u do this to them lmao)

(God i finally looked at a character list so i wouldnt leave anyone out, but theres so many of these fucks by now help)

^^^But all these ppl try to solve it in different ways/for different reasons that im too lazy to type out individually, u can see it right??

Some see this as an ancient scholarly code thing, some of them think of it like a rlly hard puzzle, and some just rlly want to put the mental effort into knowing/not being left out 😭😭

.

And if anybody happens to see some letter exchanges w/ Lumine or like any written responses, you do not. stop. using. text slang. back to back.

(Like what u put in the ask💀)

And its so miserable for those characters mentioned especially, bc they look like scrambled letters 😭

.

Honestly them seeing u two talk to each other via letters just proves that the letters even mean anything at all to them, bc how did u understand each other, otherwise???!!

.

(No one would ever realize u guys were fucking around unless u told them 💀)

✨️Sorry✨️this✨️isnt✨️that✨️great✨️i✨️just✨️wanted✨️ to✨️ expand✨️ on✨️ what ✨️u ✨️already ✨️had ✨️nothing ✨️new✨️ 🧚����‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️

I felt feral and out of it when i wrote this, i literally dont remember a single word i typed on that bullet list..

SO i still have asks/requests im gonna answer but i will be posting my follower event poll!! CLICK ME :) ♡

Yall get to choose what i write about for some posts :D

(You can be a new follower!)

✨️

BTW

UR SO BIG BRAIN SMART 2ND RANDOM U EVEN THOUGHT ABT TEYVATIAN LETTERS GETTING INCLUDED ADHJSLALASLL

WHAT A GENIUS

I hope my shit writing was somewhat ok of a reply to read to pay u back for that great idea lol

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius��️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds

@karmawonders

[1d-oned-1d]

THUNDERSTORMS

for everyone's notice, this is my first time writing smut, soo please bear with me and tell me how I can improve.

warning:- kinky shit, smut, a whole lot of filthy hot smut. overstimulation, orgasm denial, bondage, just filthy things...

pairing:- Y/N and Louis Tomlinson

inspired by his outfit at his documentary premiere. also don't mind me I'm horny as fuck atm and DO NOT JUDGE ME FFS.

summary:- y/n has a fear of thunderstorms. they're in the car and things get a little too steamy.

I slightly woke up because of thirst and irritating clothes when I heard our driver converse with sun. 

"Sir it's raining heavily and the car is stuck in the puddle, extremely sorry sir I'll just go and try to fetch a car for you and ma'am." the driver opened and shut the door. I whimpered as I heard another thundering voice. I slightly opened my eyes to see sun on his phone but then closed it back because of my sleepy mind. I was in that phase where you could listen to everything going on in your surroundings but even lifting a finger was too much of a work. The door opened again.

"Sir I found a car but it's only available for one person and it's going back to the city." He explained. There was a bit of silence until sun spoke up.

"Ok no problem, you might be having kids and wife waiting for you at home and worried, take the ride and head back." As sun completed the sentence, the driver gasped. I don't what made his gasp, probably him getting to go back to his family.

"Thank you so much sir, thank you so much, when I reach there I'll send another car for you." The driver exclaimed.

"Oh no need, we have already covered 3/4 of the ride home, I'll just a call an uber." sun explained.

"Are you sure sir?"

"Very sure, now go before your ride takes off." Sun chuckled, with one last thank you and a smash of the door, driver was on his way to his home.

"Shit! there's no network, looks like we'll have to stay here for the night." sun cursed under his breath. I whimpered again as I heard that, staying here was no problem, but staying in here with these heck of a clothes and with me being thirsty was a problem to me and not to mention thunderstorm. Sun picked me up and cradled me in his lap, brushing my hair out of the way to get a better look at my face but instead I snuggled my face into his neck.

"What's the matter darling?" He asked but I had no power to vocalize my issues, so instead I let him continue on what he was doing, that is asking questions.

"Is it because we're spending the night here?" He asked but got no reply

"Cold weather?" He asked again only to be met with silence and I shifted again in his lap trying to adjust my collar of the shirt.

"are you thirsty? are the clothes irritating you?" He questioned once again but this time I meekly nodded in his neck. He bent forward with me in his lap and put a water bottle in between my lips.

"Come on darling sip it." as he said, I started sipping it, soon enough quenching my thirst. He pulled away the sipper from my lips and bent again. What is wrong with this shirt aah! I tried shift again only to be stopped this time with sun's hands firm grip on my waist.

"Oh it's ok babygirl let daddy change you into his tshirt." He rasped and I was shocked by the change of his mood. While I was on his lap he shuffled below me for a while, only to make me feel his skin, meaning he probably removed his tshirt. With somehow collecting some power left in me I tried to unbotton my shirt.

"No babygirl, daddy will do it, just go back to sleep." He stopped my hands movement and set it in my lap, slowly himself working on my shirt. He was painfully slow while unbottoning my shirt but thankfully he shrugged it off me. I was ready for him to put his shirt on me but instead I felt his one hand on my waist and the other hand on my face as he kissed me. I returned the kiss and he moved his lips down to my jaw, the spot below my ear to finally the sweet spot on my neck making me arch my back and moan out his name.

"Sunn." I breathlessly moaned, he squeezed my waist harshly and marked my neck. He moved down to my cleavage and roughly marked me there too.

"It's daddy to you, you like it don't you when daddy plays with you, do you want me to play with you babygirl?" He rasped and went to unclasp my bra but I stopped him. 

"Yes daddy I want you to play with me but I'm very sleepy." I moved his hands to my waist and shifted closer to him.

"Babygirl I'm not asking you to stay awake, you can sleep and let daddy play with you for a little while." 

"No daddy I want to sleep, I want to sleep with you, you can play tomorrow." I spoke as I started feeling hazy in my mind.

"Princess I'll sleep with you, just let me play for a little while, and you don't want to make daddy angry do you?" He slipped his hands in my skirt and underwear and squeezed my bum, kneading it.

"No daddy I want to sleep, you're being an arse." My eyes shot open as I finished my sentence. One thing that daddy made crystal clear was, I was never supposed to curse or else he'll punish me.

"Okay enough, up and strip." He growled removing his hands from my skirt. "Now" he slapped the skin on my back when I didn't try to move even a little bit. I shifted from his lap and quickly removed the pieces of clothing which were left on me while he was watching me like a hawk watching his prey.

"On my shoulder." He roared making me whimper. Usually he would bend me over his knees if I was being bratty but when he meant over his shoulder it meant I was in serious trouble.

"I'm sorry daddy, I promise I'll never say a bad word again and you can play with me as you like." 

"Did I ask you about your opinion my little slut?" he asked making me shake my head but all he did was raise his eyebrow at me.

"No d-daddy." I stuttered. I better use my words if I don't want to get in anymore trouble.

 "Good now on my shoulder."

"Yes Daddy." I nodded and stood on the seat with my knees on the either side of his legs as he slid down a little to come face to face with my boobs. He further pushed his head in my chest and started licking in between both my breasts as he spanked my backside making me moan and clutch his shoulders for leverage.

"You like it don't you, you little whore. How I wish I could see your face while I punished you, I wish we were in our room." he mumbled, suddenly moving away from me and started fumbling with his mobile. In our room all you'll find is couple of mirrors, so he can see me no matter what he's doing. He set his phone somewhere in the car giving me my phone where I can see myself but the volume was on mute, he facetimed himself?!

"Daddy has two punishments for you, you'll count till 10 as daddy spanks you ok?" He demanded making me nod. "I can't hear you?" 

"Yes daddy, are you recording me?" I whispered, I was never actually comfortable with the idea of him recording me.

"That was the second punishment for you but you have option, daddy won't record you, if you don't feel comfortable babygurl." He sucked on my nipples making my head fall backwards and my eyes roll in pleasure, digging my nails into his shoulder.

"Are you upset with me daddy?" I asked with a very low voice.

"Yes baby girl, very." He bit on my nipple making them hard as ever and me whine for mercy.

"Then you can record daddy."

"Are you sure princess?" He asked.

"Yes daddy." I confirmed. He quickly took my phone from my hand and handed me in a minute or two, and I noticed the screen recording was on. he bent forward taking his phone to do the same thing and set back in it's place within seconds. Once again I was visible on my screen and he spanked me harshly catching me off guard.

"One." I whimpered, I could already feel myself getting wet and dripping down the thighs. I was ready for another hit but it never came instead he trailed his finger along my slit, making me lose my mind and arch my back only burying his face more into my breasts, that made him groan. I expected him to slip his finger in my entrance but he spanked me hard once again.

"Two." I moaned and he continued his torture on me by sucking on my breasts and spanking both my ass cheeks one after the other giving me no time to breathe.

"Three four." I gasped for air, he removed my right breast from his mouth, not before taking my left breast in his mouth and biting it harshly. 

"doing so good for daddy, my little whore, I'll think I'll move it to twenty for you since you're enjoying it." He moaned in my breasts.

"No daddy I'm so sorry." I whimpered but only to be met by another sharp slap of his on my backside. "Five" I counted. Soon enough 20, moved to 30 which further moved to 50. I had tears running down my face as I couldn't control anymore of his teasing, I just wanted his fingers and him inside me.

"Please daddy please." I requested as he pinched my bud roughly. 

"aww just look at your red little glistening pussy, so red , please what baby?" He slapped my breasts, squeezing it harshly and kneading it.

"your fingers, I want your fingers inside me daddy, I want you inside me daddy." I moaned breathlessly, not being able to contain the euphoric feeling as he started running circles on my core in an extremely fast pace.

"You like it don't you, getting punished, getting spanked, so wet from all this, such a filthy little slut, like this baby?" He cockily asked as he pushed two fingers in me and started pumping in and out. Unconciously I tried to close my legs and I guess he noticed it because he further spread his knees which in turn spreaded mine and made me squirm while he continued pumping his fingers in me.

"Don't squirm, once again try to close your legs and I will stop" He roared as he started scissoring inside me with his fingers, not helping with the squirming at all, only getting me to squirm more and trying to close my legs. 

"I said don't squirm you whore and what is that? you tried to close your legs." He growled taking out his fingers and spreading his legs to spread my legs even wider and a burning sensation erupted in my core from being streched out too much making me whimper.

"Please daddy I'm sorry, please I want your fingers inside me, please I promise I won't try to close my legs but it's really difficult to keep it open." I begged him to just put his fingers inside me and fuck me. 

"You've really turned bratty you know, sorry babygurl but you'll be punished really hard this time. Not listening to daddy at all." He threatened. spreading his legs even more resulting me to cry his name out loud. He picked his coat and started rummaging through it, finally taking out his tie. Why does he even have a tie if he was wearing tshirt and a coat. He took the tie and tied it around my eyes like a blindfold making me arch my back repeatedly as he took my breast in his mouth. since my eyesight was closed off my ears perked up and I heard him shuffle around, he took phone from my hand and held both my hands behind my back tying it with a soft material, which now I guess was my underwear. He sat me down on the seat sideways, my back against his side and he pulled my knees to my chest. I was wondering what he was going to do when I heard the window descending and me getting wet from rain which was very harsh on my core, with every ounce of patience I tried not to squirm. Thankfully soon enough the window ascended up.

"Now listen to me babygirl, I'm gonna eat you out but before you're going to cum, you have to ask me okay?" He whispered in my ear, I nodded earning another slap on my core.

"Yes daddy." I moaned as he started rubbing circles on my clit once again. He shifted me away from him, lying me down on the seat to open my legs wide for himself.

"Oh so wet from me doll, I'm gonna eat you out so nicely." I could hear his smirk. He pinched my nipple with his thumb and forefinger and bit on my bud harshly, he entered in me with his tongue, lapping again and again in my walls, I locked my ankles behind his neck pushing him deep in me. I never knew how long somebody's finger could be until he entered his fingers in me straightaway hitting my g-spot making me a moaning mess below him. His tongue and fingers working ruthlessly in me until I felt a pressure in my lower abdomen making me pant.

"Daddy!" my eyes rolled back, not knowing anything while he curled his fingers in me removing his mouth from my core to attack my breasts, just increasing the pressure a lot more.

"Oh how daddy loves your breasts darling, so soft, wish I could have them in my mouth all day, you know how hard it is to resist myself when I see you like this under my control, all tied up, just waiting for daddy to pound into his little whore pussy." he kneaded one of my breasts as he sucked on the other one all while fingering me, sending my mind into a frenzy state.

"You feel the pressure in your stomach baby? that means you're going to cum" His voice dangerously calm but I knew he was onto something devilish. 

"Yes daddy I feel it, I'm going to cum daddy." I moaned, the pressure growing even more when he scissored again inside me but suddenly everything stopped, his hands, his mouth, everything, leaving me frustrated and whining.

"Oh babygurl didn't think I'll let you cum this easily did you?" He laughed, holding my thighs apart to constraint me from creating any friction between them. Few minutes after the pressure in my stomach subsided and I was left horny, juices dripping to my thigh, he turned me around, my ass in the air, face squished into the leather seat and started eating me out, his hands never leaving my breasts. After a few more minutes of torturing I could feel a little pressure again in my stomach. He removed his tongue from me and pulled my ass cheeks apart, licking between them as I shoved my ass into his face for anything more he could do, which resulted in him licking my hole recklessly. He once again removed his face and pulled me towards him by squeezing my neck and jaw from the front.

"How are you doing babygurl, any pressure down here?" He asked, removing his hand from my neck and moving it further south to my core and inserting three fingers in me harshly, pumping at a very high pace while marking my neck.

"Yes daddy yes, I'm going to come daddy." I whined, pushing myself further more into his chest. He removed all three fingers from inside me only to push them in me again. I was gasping for air, as his pace increased even more than before. How is that even possible?

"daddy I'm going to cum, can I cum please?" I pleaded. My breasts bouncing with the movement in between my legs.

"hold on doll, I'm still not done with my pussy, and if you dare cum, things will only worsen." he curled his fingers in me, hitting my g-spot again and again, pressure building in my stomach reaching it's peak as I cum moaning daddy's name, my thighs trembling and my head fell backwards on daddy's shoulder. I knew he purposely did this because he wanted me to cum to increase my punishment. 

"You didn't listen to daddy, daddy's going to pound in his hole and make you cum again and again until he's not done with you, ought to teach you some manners." he growled. He set me against the seat and I heard his belt clunk and his zipper moving meaning now he was going to fuck me senseless until I see stars. He undid his tie and my panties from around my eyes and hands. When I turned to him, he only smirked. I was beyond scared and excited for what coming next. 

"Out!" He demanded and I sat their confused. "out of the car my cute little whore" He opened the door ushering me out. It was still raining heavily making me shiver. I stood there getting wet before his further instructions. 

"On the car's hood baby." He got out after 10 mins or so with his belt and tie in hands. I quickly shuffled infront of the car to see him already on the boot, giving himself a few pumps. "Come on move your ass quickly." He demanded. I climbed onto the car and sat beside him.

"On my dick baby." He held his dick and aligned himself with me. "Sit down baby." He cooed but I knew very well the devil was soon going to unleash. I sit down on him and tried to keep my legs in between so he couldn't spread it but unluckily he caught on and set my knees on the either side of his knees spreading wide open until I cried out loud and held onto him once again.

"Oh baby I know, it's ok." He hushed and picked his belt and tie and tied my ankles with his legs only spreading them further, making me shout in pain. 

"Ride me baby, I wanna feel your bouncing tits on my face." He kept a hand on my waist stimulating me to ride him. He started agonizingly slow, grinding me on him every now and then, making me go mad and loose my common sense.

"Faster daddy, faster." I moaned making him groan, he spread his legs further, taking mine with his too. "aahh daddy no." I whined and he held my waist and started making me ride him faster. He spanked me, only increasing the pressure while my breast in his mouth.

"daddy I'm gonna cum." I started nearing my third orgasm of the day, afraid to be denied.

"Cum baby cum, you're not gonna stop cumming until I'm gonna cum, oh god how I wished I could record you." he groaned. I felt my walls squeezing him, making him throw his head back, his nails digging into my waist, my legs started trembling and I released. Just as I released he picked up his pace and streched his legs, it felt like I could rip apart anytime from being this wide open. I felt the pressure build again it was not minutes before I released again. He quickly untied both our legs and rolled us over. He pounded in me remorselessly with rain having no mercy either. I needed something to hold on, so I held onto his back, surely leaving scratches there. Only thing that could be heard in the moment was us moaning, skin slapping against each other and rain, as I came down from another high. God! sometimes how much I hate his self control, he could last for hours and he did. I released about countless times but he was still nowhere near.

"Please daddy I'm so sorry, please cum daddy." I whined and he pounded into my overly sensitive clit. Once again I released, shrieking, but this time I was not the only one, daddy released too. He filled me with his cum as he rested his head on my shoulder while I pushed out his wet hair from his eyes. He pulled out of me and rested on his side pulling me close to his chest. after a few more minutes of resting on the hood of the car, he got down, and picked me up bridal style and headed inside the car. I winced as he set me down, laying me on the seat and quickly got in. 

"You did so good princess, so good for daddy." He kissed me on the lips and picked up my shirt. He started cleaning me, he cleaned my face, jaw, neck moving to my breasts doing nothing sensual but cleaning me and then moving to lower part. He cleaned between my legs as I could feel his breath on my core, he left a quick kiss there and moved down further cleaning my legs. He again held me up as he dressed me into his tshirt and underwear when I winced.

"What is it babygirl?" He asked taking his hands in mine.

"It's paining down there." I muttered looking down.

"So sorry princess must be really sensitive." He laid me down, removed my panties and blew some air on my pussy making me shudder and close my legs.

"It's ok baby I'm just gonna blow some air so it feels good." He opened my legs and blew on my pussy for a couple of minutes before closing my legs and letting me rest.

He quickly dried himself up, wore his boxers and laid himself on me, only to flip us, so now I was on top with my face in the crook of his neck as he held me closer to him with his hand rubbing my back. 

"I'm sorry if I was too hard on you baby." daddy whispered from below me.

"It's fine daddy." I replied and kissed him on his neck because it was closest to me.

"Couldn't help it darling, all night you were looking so pretty, all I wanted to do was show you how pretty you were." He mumbled against my lips, making me turn beet red and burst out giggling. "My cute little babygirl." He kissed me on the lips and then my forehead. Feeling content in each others arms we fell asleep.

I told you I wasn't lying when I said it was kinky shit.

Requests are open if you want anything specific, I write oned smut so yeah.

[justajsworkshop]

J'S ASK POLICY & FAQS

updated november 30th, 2024

please abide by this ask policy before sending an ask. anything asks that violate this policy can expect either (a) no reply or (b) a snarky reply.

about: call me j (he/they). nb. aroace. all around queer. writer. reality shifter. the son of god. i am a full-grown adult, so you can expect full-grown adult content here.

RULES.

no trauma dumping, venting, or ranting about your circumstances. i do not care for your limitations.

please first review the FAQs below and the favorite posts linked in my pinned post, as i've already likely answered your question here.

you are always welcome tell me about your DRs or the cool stuff you've manifested, talk to me about g.ood o.mens (fuck ng, tho. man is dead to me.), or ask me about my cat/talk about your cat.

please give me at least a week to answer your ask and avoid sending multiple asks/spamming the inbox in a short period of time. i choose what i respond to and when.

DMs are closed except for mutuals. don't ask me to turn them on for you. mutuals are always welcome to message me tho.

i am usually open and willing to provide my thoughts and advice, but if it's clear you haven't tried to sincerely contemplate what i write here, don't expect patience or sympathy from me.

for the love of you, aim to think for yourself. do not ask me what to do or to tell you what to do. i save that for the bedroom and only on special occasions. ffs.

i am a person who does this in my free time because i have a deep passion for the law, but if you are entitled, willfully ignorant, lack basic reading comprehension, argue for your limitations, or otherwise dump rancid vibes in my inbox, i will be yeeting your ask into the sun (and possibly block you).

FAQS.

asks that involve any of the below will be deleted or mocked since i've already covered it here. i did not stutter.

can i manifest [insert desire]? yes. all things are possible. any asks inquiring about the possibility of anything will be deleted. the answer is yes, it is possible. moving on.

how do i manifest [insert desire]? we manifest who and what we are conscious of being. choose to be aware of the self who is one with your desire. there's more detail in this post here, but if you ask me how to manifest, i will bite your nose.

is it wrong for me to desire [insert desire here]? desire is just the divine urge to know more of what you already are (all things). instead of judging your desire, just be it instead.

how long will it take me to manifest? when will it manifest? how do i manifest instantly? can i manifest instantly? (insert ANY question about time/instant manifestation here.)

manifestation is instant to awareness. it's the physical, linear self who perceives time, space, effort, etc. as a barrier between self and desire. instead of fixating on the perceived separation, be it now. be the you with your desire now. this subliminal was designed to help you understand time from god's perspective instead of the limited self. do not send me questions about time or instant manifestation. i will whack you with a pool noodle.

how do i tap into the void state? decide you're a person who can. it's up to you what that means. i am not accepting void state asks at this time. there's literally infinite ways to tap into the void state. stop obsessing over what other people do and choose it for yourself.

how do subliminals work? how much do i have to listen? how fast can i expect results? how do you make your subs? (insert any subliminal questions here.)

your reality = your rules. don't ask me about what to do or what's possible; check your assumptions instead.

will you manifest for me 🥺? no. 🥰

why am i not able to manifest/shift/tap into the void state? you literally answered your own question. it's because you're identifying with the self who cannot and persisting in that narrative of separation/nonfulfillment. more in this post.

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

C A T for the ask game please hehe 😻

Cat!! My dearest Shrutual <3333

(Im going to answer alphabetically. Also this got so long omg)

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I do have OTPs :D wolfstar and stucky (also previously: klance but im not into them as much anymore)

I even have a meme for this occasion:

other ships from the marauders fandom:

wolfstarbucks <333 wolfbucks and prongsfoot are alright too but not in the long run, I think I prefer them as a trio (everyone is there and all is well and everyone is happy. I get sad when R isnt there and im worried about S's whereabouts when he isnt there, so. Trio)

jily - i wouldnt call myself a jily shipper per se, but its also very dear to me <3333. Would choose a fic with them as a supporting ship over alternatives when reading r/s , thats for sure.

james & sirius friendship but also remus & james friendship!!

basically... sirius and remus and sometimes james an lily. in any configuration at this point

(there are other ships I like from hp, mcu and other fandoms but im not into them that much at this very moment)

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Oh boy. Do I have to choose just one?

Stony.

... Ok that wasnt that hard.

I dont like Tony, I dont care about him, I dont like their relationship we saw in the films (tho i havent read the comics so im judging just the films), Im not into enemies to lovers, there is nothing for me there. zero, zip, nada.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Thats a really hard question bc apart from fighting "mainstream" fanon with canon info i dont think im that invested about most headcanons? so, i will try. i will not elaborate tho.

if sirius was into any muggle subculture it would be punk

black brothers weren't tortured with cruciatus every other day for any minor inconvenience they caused. sirius was abused psychologically and emotionally and until the last second walburga hoped he would come back and take the role of the heir he was supposed to.

regulus wasnt forced into becoming a DE, but he did it bc he wanted to prove himself

alphard was gay and had muggle lover(s)

sirius would become a curse breaker, a social worker, an activist, a mechanic or an engineer or something like that. idk why but i dont like it when he's a healer/doctor. However I can see sirius joining the aurors with james, but i think he would resign not long after finishing training when he realises he cant fix the system from the inside. idk if james would resign tho.

if we assume that the marauders form a pack, its not remus who is the alpha, even while in wolf form

the last one im adding just bc i saw a post about it right before i started answering this ask: the full moon doesnt make remus horny. its a traumatic experience for him and he associates it with everything he fears - pain and loosing control. for a few days before the full he feels sick and weak and he hates everything and sirius has to fight tooth and nail to just get him under a blanket for a cuddle. right after the full he is exhausted and in pain. the further from the full the easier it is to get him in the mood, basically. (i feel like im the only one. at least on this one post every response was the opposite. i read just one ff with a similar thing - where its the new moon that makes werewolves horny.) i am not opposed to remus being horny right after the full tho

las one I just remembered: the hogwarts express has more than two stops. for gods sake. those kids arent travelling to London from Edinburgh just to spend the whole day on the train on the way back. (check out this map) all of the stations have platforms like 3 ⅓, 2 ⅚ and so on of course.

ask game

[the-au-ideas]

Okay so I'm making an idea in my little brain

R sides! Characters and ideas below! Its in order for the weeks aswell. Tw for some blood and mentioned abuse, As well as a TON of lgbtq shit if you really get triggered by that

This is BF, Also known as Reggie. He's a complete and utter asshole. He got famous for being a piece of shit to everyone, And it's how he stayed famous. He had a genuine hate for everyone around him (except his family) and even despised his fans. The only people he treats with genuine love and care is his family. Or, They were, Until he met GF, Also known as Annabelle. She started off as a fangirl who followed him around, He despised her until he began to know her and they fell in love. Behind the camera he's shown as abusive physically and mentally, But when it's all off he holds her close and they both know how much they love eachother. Once a fan saw this and recorded it, Making it go viral and basically ruining his career as everyone thought his videos were now scripted. Eventually, Running out of ideas and options, He recorded a diss track rap video. It didn't matter if it was scripted, The music was good and it got him back on track. It was his viewers passion, So it was his.

Reggie Jackson

21

Male

-----

Girlfriend, Also known as Anne or Annebelle, Was a huge fan of Reggie. To her, He was just someone trying to be funny to help others smile. Annabelles real name was Juan, But after realizing she was a woman she began doing research on how to transition when she found multiple people talking about the permanent life threatening things that could happen. She watched as other trans women sobbed on camera describing the agony of just living an every day life. Knowing this knowledge, She decided to not transition. She thought of hormones until she realized those have permanent effects as well- Reading more she saw as people would detransition with permanent damage from it all, Because doctors don't even warn the people transitioning of permanent damage and make them think it's easily undone. Now in her past time she tries to spread awareness, Not wanting people to do something they don't know all the consequences of. Her song would be Anna moving in to Reggies house, He helping her move.

'The First Step'

Annabelle

20

Male to Female

-----

DD, Or in this mod we know as Father Fearest, Is Annabelles father. He refuses to accept her, Calling her his son and Juan. His week would start off with he and Reggie meeting, Annabelle wanting him to approve of her boyfriend. Of course, FF wasn't too pleased about his 'son' being 'gay', But he smiled through it so Reggie wouldn't catch on. Of course, He did though, Seeing how Father's Fearest treated his girlfriend he began to get mad. 3rd song Reggie snaps and the ground shakes as he sings, A new pissed sprite replacing his usual one. Afterwards, A cutscene would play of FF trying to grab Annabelles wrist, Just for Reggie to grab his hand and break it.

'Father's Blessing'

'Suspicions'

'Child Trauma'

Father Fearest

46

Male

-----

Pico is a non-binary cop who risks their life to keep the innocent people safe. They even arrested their own parents, Who happen to be mob bosses. Of course, You'd expect them to hate each other because of their differences, But you would be wrong. They separate work and relationships. The fact they could bride the judges for way less time helped them not to hold a grudge, As well. Their parents are very supportive, And always have been. It helps that their little brother wanted to take over the family buisness, So losing them wasn't a big loss. They've stopped at least 3 total school shootings, Saving multiple people in the process. They've almost met their death multiple times, By crooked cops and criminals alike. To survive you've got to get your hands a little dirty, So don't blame them for the cops that went missing after making crooked deals. They'd show up to arrest Reggie and Anna for assault on Father Fearest.

'Ticket'

'Probation'

'Sentence'

Pico Smith

23

Non-Binary

-----

Best friends since they were toddlers, Much more than neighbors. They were known for never leaving each others sides! They always wanted to spend the night at each others houses, They needed to be in the same classes and next to each other in class or they'd bawl their eyes out. They got older, They changed. No longer the type to sob for the other if separated, In fact, Skid would simply message Pump to make up for it. Pump would fight anyone to get to Skid, Even his own parents. They usually go by he/him if alone, Which is rare, But when they're together they won't let you address just one of them. Pumps parents had always been abusive and neglectful to him, So one day, On his 12th birthday, He stabbed them both 37 times in the chest. He told Skid and they ran away together. Now they have their own gang, Skid hacks to disable security cameras and alarm systems, While Pump does the actual murders for neglectful or abusive parents. Their organization grows with every kid saved. Seeing Reggie and Anna running from Pico, They bring them to their hideout to question them. As long as they answer their questions, Nobody will get hurt.. Hopefully.

'Interrogation'

'Unanswered'

'Trust'

Skid and Pump

12 & 14

They/Them

-----

'Link', As he calls himself, He's supposedly a cop whos been looking for Skid and Pump. Despite this, They both seem almost fearful for their lives around this man. It still likes to find them and almost terrorize them with the threats they have. Its probably smart to keep them separated, After all this guy won't tell you anything besides his name and age.. On closer inspection, That outfit doesn't look like the other cops.. And whats up with its arm?

'Policeman'

Link (Alias)

23

He/It

-----

Monster is a demon sent from hell, Its one and only goal is to take Pumps soul for the crimes he's committed. It's not after Skid, Just Pump. It still, Despite this, Won't hesitate to kill them both if it comes to it. He likes beetles, So he gave himself those types of horns. It's not all evil, It just has a job to do. He'd be striking at Reggie in his song, Attempting to hurt and kill him to get to Pump. Reggie would once again get aggressive here and shake the whole place, Which ends the song with a cutscene of a piece of ceiling falling and crushing Monster. He's not dead, Though.

'Just a job'

Monster

123

He/It

-----

MM, or Mother Meanest, Is known as Annabelles mother. While being a kindhearted nurse on the surface, She was abusive to her daughter underneath it all. She'd physically abuse and beat her, Not caring for how she cried. Annabelle would've taken Reggie there so his mom could treat him and fix him up. While resting Reggie realizes what's going on and fights her. In the first song he's suspicious, 2nd one is followed by a cutscene that shows MM hitting Anna followed by Reggie going into his signature angry mode. His stitches pop and he's a mess obviously. It ends with Reggie telling Anna to run. MM often uses the excuse for beating her as it's her 'culture'

'Kind Mother'

'Stitches'

'Culture'

Mother Meanest

42

Female

-----

On the week with MM and FF working together, They try to kill Reggie to gain back control of their 'son'. The first two songs, Reggie has voice cracks he has to not hit or else he'll lose half of his health. MM would also be throwing syringes that Reggie has to dodge. The 3rd song goes dark, Just Reggie singing to himself. It'd be a melodramatic song with sad giving up undertones. Slowly it'd get louder and more aggressive, Til he's once again shaking the stage in anger! The song ends with a cutscene of Pico telling them to freeze. Charges against Reggie are dropped as they're brought to trial for attempted murder.

'Double trouble'

'Count to 10'

'Last words'

-----

Senpai, Or Kyle, Is an 8 year old kid who loves everyone. He really is just your normal 8 year old, Except instead of terrorizing, He likes to help anyone and everyone he can! One day, On the lake, He noticed two people, Reggie and Anna, On a date in a swan boat. They began to sing, And wanting to play with them, He got in a row boat and began to swim towards them. He interrupts their song with an upbeat pirate tune, Trying to win Annas heart.. And he did! She thought he was adorable, And gave his cheeks a squeeze before his parents came to get him. Of course, While he didn't become a romantic interest, Anna would remember this adorable charmer when her and Reggie adopted their own children.. If Reggie ever came around on the idea.

'Love and war'

'My loot'

'One mans trash'

Kyle

8

Male (grows up to realize he's bi-gender(realizes it around 13))

-----

Youtube updated their terms of service, And Reggies videos break near all of them!!! Words like #^$*, &!%#* and even slurs such as #^@% and %#^@%#, Its far too much! Reggie is in big trouble, Though he doesn't seem to care. He takes this time to just troll youtube.. Which leads to the following

'Demonitization'

'Strike'

'Banned'

You Tube

18

Genderfluid

-----

After being banned from youtube, Where else was Reggie to go? Garbage platforms like twitch, Or god forbid, Bitchute? No, Course not.. Spotify rapping would be his new career! He met Spot and they became quick friends. After all, They were both chill and hung out. They smoke a blunt in this song as they hang out!

'High roller'

'#1'

'Want a break from the ads?'

Spot

15

Agender

[winderlylandchime]

I am trying my best to just write honorable mentions bc if i wrote everything he said that made me question our sibling dna this would be an essay. But i do want everyone to know: he watches the show as if he’s watching a sports game, elbows on his knees, legs shaking at times, palms all over his face and a lot of ‘ugh!!!’ And every so often he hits me/grabs my shirt and yanks it bc i sit next to him while making some type of a noise. Anyway: ‘oh god, is this what i look like to you while i watch this show? Is this a call out? Am i being called out? Oh my god am I emmett? Nah I’m more fun’ ‘HE IS GETTING A HERO AWARD? Why? Oh Justin. HELL YEAH HERO! Yeah bitch, listen to Emmett, you saved Justin’s life!’ ‘awwww He is rushing home to Justin bc he gets scared! HERO!…a hero in love..can he already admit that he’s in love ffs this is taking forever, I mean what has to happen for him to say ily to Justin?!’ ‘Ew. I mean i know the gay friends sometimes kiss each other and i get it but i don’t like Michael..*long silence while he watches* maybe i should kiss my homies too sometimes, let them know i care’ ‘WHAT DOES HE MEAN LESS DESERVING?! Ohhh lover!! I like the sound of that. Cmon just tell him you love him! It would make my life SO much easier’ ‘oh he is so totally not going to that comic con hahahhaha’ ‘oh damn he really did forget about comic con, i was just messing. Damn..OH HE REALLY SAID FUCK THE POLICE’ … ‘they want to take away his award?! Oh hell no! I will not allow this *looks at me scared* if i hate these two does that make me homophobic?’ ‘I need Mike to stop being annoying bc him and Justin could be a cool duo! OKAY DEBBIE STOP BLAMING BRI BRI FOR EVERYTHING! Why do they keep doing this? I am tired, and i am all alone here defending him and it’s getting hard bc theyre on the other side of the screen’ ‘DEBBIE KNOWS BRI BRI LOVES JUSTIN!!! HELL FUCKING YEAH DEBBIE! Now help me get him to admit it to us all! And by us, I mean me’ It’s at this point that he looked at me and just flapped his arms all over the place and then went back to watching. ‘Oh my god! He is walking with him and holding hands! In broad daylight! Better chance seeing you date a dude than Brian holding hands on a walk. EXCEPT *points to paused tv* HE IS DOING IT RIGHT THERE! HE SAID NO HANDS! look at Bri Bri hugging him and GOD DAMN IT!’ He is currently groaning while flapping his hands in the air ‘he clearly loves him! Why is he making things so complicated for me!!’ ‘OH MY GOD JUSTIN! His teenage lover! FUCK YEAH! Oh my god, sweet sweet boy please never change! I need him to stay like this. WHAT has he stolen from Justin?! SIR I WILL FIGHT YOU MYSELF’ ‘THAT GUY FUCKS RAW?! AND HE JUDGES BRIAN?! I guess everyone IS a critic’ ‘yeah give him the fucking award! See, mel and lindsey can be cool, they don’t suck so much when they’re not as uptight..would it kill them to be like that more often?.’ ‘I KNOW THIS SONG- OH MY GOD JUSTIN IS HIS BOY! AND HE IS WALKI- COME ON SONNY BOY!!! HE! I! HIM! I CANT WITH THIS! LOOK AT HIM REACHING HIS ARMS OUT! LOOK AT THAT SMILE! HE KNEW HE COULD DO IT! And the kissing! BRIAN JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY! *pauses on the kiss* So there’s the Brian that Michael knows or thinks he knows and there’s the Bri Bri that Justin and I know. AND HE IS LOVELY! And I am better than Michael’ ‘yes Justin tell him! He is a hero!…it has to be killing them to speak nicely of Bri Bri. Oh HE DIDNT SHOW UP OH THATS FUNNY! Ffs can Mel be on Brians side once? I need a reason to like her’ ‘i guess Michael got his dynamic duo dream back.. he needs a better dream and life, this is sad and that’s coming from a 36 yr old dude who is drugged out of his mind in his sisters house..wait that sounds bad..fuck oh god am i michael?’ After this he went outside for a smoke and just stared into the sky and when he came in he went ‘it was cute and calm. I think that means im finally watching it normally and not going crazy’

ANON! I do not want your brother to have to find out what it will take for Brian to tell Justin he loves him (and yet, I definitely do).

"Oh he really said fuck the police" is gold because that is my EXACT response to that scene.

His response to "my boy walks down the street" is correct and accurate and all of us. Also his analysis of Brian and Michael and the Brian Michael knows and the Brian Justin and fandom knows is so spot on.

Look, anon, when this is over your brother is going to need to be set up with a tumblr and an AO3 account. Those are just facts at this point.

[ciitrinitas]

G I Z M O (for the ask meme i'm not just randomly yelling that)

i mean, i wouldn't judge you if you did just want to randomly yell your cat's name at me in all caps. i'd welcome it. i love gizmo. i want to go to bizmo school.

but! for this meme!

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it.

this is really tricky because i can think of a few candidates...which honestly tracks given how prone i am to having like a dozen active otps at a time because no one can stop me. i think i was really into miroku/sango from inuyasha, and then for awhile, axel/roxas from kingdom hearts made my brain buzz. the latter was my first slash ship i can recall having, and hysterically, i only like it now as very one sided from axel's end. i don't think i'd be as warm to miroku/sango these days, as well, lmao.

sakura/syaoran from tsubasa was also very big in my middle-schooler heart! that being my entry point for clamp is still a choice i made! i wrote a not-very-good inuyasha fic that ripped off tsubasa's plot.

main ff couples from the ps1 and ps2 era are also possible contenders! squall/rinoa, zidane/garnet, and tidus/yuna are all very cute still.

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why.

not for ones i already liked, but it has soured me on fandoms i didn't have much interest in already. if i can be more specific to fandoms around ships, then weird anti behavior knocked me out of komahina for awhile (just...weird discourse about whether it would be ableist to have komaeda like bdsm or something??? it was dumb enough that i cartwheeled away), and i fell out of love with tododeku because so many of its shippers ragged on bakudeku which i had grown to like. (99% of my interest in bnha these days is bkdk lmao.)

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged).

HOD/YESOD MAKES SENSE, I SWEAR. YOU JUST NEED TO OPEN YOUR HEART. SHE CAN MAKE HIM WORSE. SHE CAN GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSS WITH THE BEST OF THEM. okay, not really...since like...hod, but she can make him worse, i swear to you. i normally don't end up shipping anything too cracky since it can take initial interaction and themes and whatever to get me invested in a ship, but god...sometimes i talk myself into bullshit... someone please give me energy and motivation to write so i can convince the world that hod/yesod is real... i will vibrate out of my skin if either of them mentions each other... i don't care about the context. just hod saying his name or him saying her name...amore...

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you).

thancred/urianger is Okay because it removes thancred from being around women and infecting them with bad writing. urianger is taking one for the team. i know this isn't really nice i'm sorry i thought of it and then the salt just came pouring out yes im still fucking livid about ryne's writing

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of.

setting my library to shuffle aaaand...after glow by foals. a bamchel song tbh. <3 i mean, everything is a bamchel song if i try hard enough, but this is an easy bamchel song.

[mybelde]

your bestfriend's twin brother 😱

pairing: Aether x fem!reader

genre: modern college au, fluff, crack, smau

summary: You have a pretty normal life, going to the same college as your bestfriend Lumine and your other friends, having average grades and having a good relationship with everyone you know. Well, everyone except your bestfriend's twin brother, Aether. Even though you've known Lumine since your first year in highschool, he always seemed to be avoiding you. The only times you did get to see him was when he was around Lumine. Once he spots you, he always run off, but why does his face seem red? Who knows.

Now, it was your second year in college and you've decided enough is enough. You've made it your goal to become friends with your bestfriend's twin brother before the year ends. It can't be that hard, right? But wait.. why are you catching feelings 🤨

author's note: my first smau so pls don't judge 💀 mostly going to be fluff and crack, probably ooc, i doubt there will be angst, unless?? also i have not seen smaus about Aether so this might just be me trying to self-indulge 🫣

likes and reblogs appreciated if you enjoyed the smau 🫶

status: completed [17 Nov 22 - 31 Jan 23]

Profiles: no bitches | short kings + child

↻ Other works

Act 1: From strangers to friends

01: new year, new me

02: bad feeling

03: first day ♤

04: wikihow | 4.5: besto friendo

05: apologies

06: friendly "hangout" ♤

07: blossoming friendship

08: it's quiet... too quiet

09: idiots, idiots everywhere

10: downpour ♤

11: are we friends? ♤ | 11.5: thank me ! !

Act 2: To thinking about you everyday

12: new hangout buddy

13: you're never this nice to me :/

14: too nice for your own good

15: denial era

16: lumine the thirdwheel ♤

17: we need to talk | 17.5: please shut the fuck up

18: so it's a "date" ?

19: just act normal ♤

20: separated shenanigans ♤

21: mixed feelings? can't relate lol

22: she can't hold you back

23: just make up your mind bro

24: everyone wants me fr

25: maybe i'm just a fool for you ♤ | 25.5: move your flat ass

Act 3: I think i'm in.... love?

26: questionable decisions....

27: GIRL WRONG ACCOUNT

28: how the turns have tabled

29: OPERATION AETHERYN STARTS NOW

30: W rizz

31: party night

32: how to stay sober challenge: failed ♤

33: drunk night confessions, am i right? ♤

34: you like me? ♤ | 34.5: first time? 🔞 ♤

35: #shipsailed, now don't get caught ♤

Act 4: Can't believe I'm yours now

36: down bad

37: you're weird | 37.5: suspicious behaviour

38: don't get caught challenge: failed ♤

39: code red

40: maybe we need to think about this

41: stop moping around and apologise ffs

42: sorry ♤

43: don't be a pussy

44: i only want you ♤

45: to my dear bestfriend

Fin

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

The Mind Flayer

pairing: Steve Harrington x Female Byers!Reader

WC: 8.8K

warning: cursing (please message me or leave a comment if i forgot something)

summary: will is having an exorcist moment. an old player enters the arena. oh also, steve and reader are getting a bit...touchy.

A/N: ALL PART UNDER THE TAG -The Byers Harrington Story-

I’m making the stancy thing go away asap cause like, just no. like steve did love nancy, but he’s getting over it quicker. THIS IS A FF IM GONNA DO AS I PLEASE

series masterlist

give applause to @alecmores​ for being my proof reader/beta reader/ whatever it’s called.

previous chapter  next chapter

It was a whirlwind once the two cars reached your house. Everyone was rushing out, limbs being pushed and shoved against someone else. You threw the door open and jumped off Steve’s lap, rushing into the house. Jonathan was laying Will on the living room couch, Joyce fussing behind him with her hands constantly moving and not stopping. Mike and the other kids storm into the house, Hopper, and Steve close behind them. You looked around the room trying to see where Bob was, he wasn’t in Hopper’s truck so he had to be with Jonathan when they left.

“Mom, mom, where is Bob?” You grabbed her shoulders.

She was shaking, her eyes red-rimmed with tear tracks covering her cheeks. She looked frantic, her eyes were haunted and hopeless as if she were in a daze. You turned your attention to Hopper now since he seemed to be in a more stable condition to answer your question.

“Hopper, where is Bob?” Your voice was firm.

His lips were in a thin line, and his nostrils flared. A hand rested on his hip, the other ran through his hair and then rubbed at his beard. His eyes darted over the place, not once staying focused on you.

“Hopper,” you grasped the arm that was resting on his hip, “what happened to Bob?”

He sighed then pulled the both of you away, further into the kitchen. You didn’t like this. He was quiet, Joyce was shaken, and Bob physically wasn’t there. You were panicking. If it’s the answer you think he’ll give you, you would fully blame yourself.

“Hopper?”

His hands held your shoulders, “(Y/n), he helped bring the power back on, but-” You knew where this conversation was going, “No, no, no,” you refused to believe it.

“(Y/n), they got to him before he could make it.”

You started to thrash out of Hopper’s grip, the kitchen felt suffocating. The feeling of watchful eyes on you, everyone judging or throwing sympathy at your state, was too much. You shoved at Hopper’s chest to try and push him away, but all he did was pull you in tight. His arms wrapped over your shoulders, your face pressed into his chest making your vision dark. Your hands clung to the jacket he wore over the hospital scrubs. Sobs choked out from your throat, tears staining the teal shirt and wetting your lashes, streaking your cheeks.

This was why you didn’t want to bring Bob into this mess. He was such a kind man and he honestly would do anything for your mom- or even your family- after only a few months. He was your boss and slowly became a father figure for you. And now you lost him to some fucking demodogs. He was probably being eaten alive at the lab right now, dying alone. You only saw him a day ago, happy about your ‘treasure hunt’ and helping Joyce.

“(Y/n), I’m sorry… he saved us though. We wouldn’t have gotten out of there if it wasn’t for him,” Hopper tried to justify his death.

You moved out of his embrace and wordlessly left the kitchen, heading to the backyard. You just needed to be alone, the silence and fresh air hopefully would help in calming you down. Sitting on the bottom step with your feet on the grass, you pull your heels to the step and bend your body forward to make yourself small in this moment. Your face is buried in the circle of your arms, your biceps covering your ears. Everything was so quiet at that moment it was like you were the only being on the planet, your lips tugged upwards a bit without your permission. It was one of those sad smiles, ones where they come unconsciously, laughing at your pain.

You were probably alone for five minutes before you heard the loud creaking of the back door hinges indicating that someone joined you. You didn’t bother looking up, wanting to ignore them and enjoy the quiet until they spoke, since you won’t do it first. It was quiet for a minute or two before they cleared their throat, but said nothing, still, you ignored them.

Then they sighed, “(Y/n)?” It was Steve, “are…is everything-” “No, Steve, I’m not okay and everything is not alright!” You didn’t mean to shout, but your anger flared.

“Bob is dead ‘cause of me,” you hissed. “He wasn’t supposed to be involved in any of this, but we needed him to find Hopper, and being brought to that lab was practically a death sentence.”

“Woah, (Y/n), no,” Steve fretted, “Bob- Bob didn’t die because of you, it’s not your fault, (Y/n).” You ignored Steve, “first it was Eleven who died ‘cause I wasn’t there, now it’s Bob 'cause he was dragged into this,” you rambled.

A gentle hand on your shoulder, “(Y/n), we just had a similar conversation about an hour ago.”

“Steve, it’s different though.”

He removed his hand, “Oh? how is it different? Tell me,” he demanded.

You wiped at the snot and tears, “you didn’t know about the Demogorgon, you weren’t even involved with any of that yet. My mom started talking about Will with her conversations through the lights that night and the following morning. And that same day, I saw and talked with Will through our living room wall. I became involved, I saw El use her powers,” you wiped your nose, “I didn’t stay with the kids at the school that night, all of them could have gotten killed. But El was the one to sacrifice herself for them. She saved them and I never even got to thank her for finding Will.” Tears fell down your cheeks again as you recalled the memory, the feelings you felt.

Steve ran a comforting hand over your back, “But that’s not your fault either, again, it was the Demogorgon. Both times it was the Demogorgons' fault. Why are you trying to blame yourself for things out of your control?” He huffed.

You had to stop for a moment.

“My dad,” was your response.

The man who constantly beat you for such simple reasons, playing it off as discipline and punishment for your mistakes, when a simple mistake could have been dropping a plate on accident. The man who shortened your childhood with each slap, with each whipping of his belt. A man who constantly saw flaws within you and not accepting you for each crack, only creating more.

“Hey,” Steve was now in front of you.

He was on one knee and his hands rested on your knees, head dipped down to make eye contact with you. His brows were raised and he licked his lips, rubbing them together. He did it two more times. Steve then brought one hand off your knee and ran his knuckles along your cheek, catching stray tears and wiping them clean. Your breath hitched at the intimacy.

“I’m sure Wonder Woman blames herself whenever she can’t save someone, but she has people who are there to help,” Steve tried to comfort.

“Steve, I don’t think you’re good at pep talks,” you joked, a wet laugh followed.

He dropped the hand from your cheek back to your knee and squeezed, “yeah, I didn’t have many of them growing up.”

“Hey,” you knocked a finger against his chin for attention, “shitty dads club?”

He exhaled a laugh, “more like a shitty parents club.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but I only have a shitty dad. I’m grateful for my mom,” a whisper to the winds.

Your bubble was back. Just the two of you, no one else existed on the planet.

You stared down at the four hands, yours resting on your thighs while Steve squeezed and rubbed your knees. Slowly and stealthy, you stretched a finger out, your pinky on one hand and your ring finger on the other. You were scared, but you suddenly felt brave at this moment to cross another line you made in the sand. Light as a feather your two fingers touched Steve’s, a silent invitation, a question for him that only he could answer. You hesitated in looking at him, not brave enough for that.

Before Steve had time to do anything, grasp your fingers or retreat, the back door opened again. This time the patron stormed down the steps and that gave away who it was, Jonathan. Steve stood up and away when you saw Jonathan standing beside you on the last step. You braced your hands on your thighs and stood up, directing your attention to your brother. He had a nasty glare thrown at Steve, his chest huffing, you scoffed at the sight. Suddenly you remembered your earlier argument and also the car incident. So you chose to pick a fight with him right now.

“Well, looks like you finally have time for your beloved sister,” you griped.

Jonathan huffed, “(Y/n) come inside,” and grabbed your bicep.

You pulled back and away, now standing in the grass just in front of Steve. A cross of your arms over your chest is your armor at this moment.

“No, Jonathan, ‘cause we have some unfinished business to talk about. Starting with: why did you fuck off with Nancy for two days and not tell me? Cause I think we have enough time right now to discuss that. Or, or, how about you brushing me off when I wanted to join you and Nancy earlier, huh? Why did you let Nancy go with you, but not me? Your sister?”

Jonathan took the last step, both of you standing in the overgrown yard. Your nails dug into your biceps, fighting off the cold chills and also restraining yourself. Jonathan was scratching at his head with one hand while the other rested in his pocket. And you knew Steve was still there since you didn’t see him leave and you could also feel his body heat, a walking furnace.

Jonathan didn’t answer any of your questions, “Okay. Since- apparently, these are college-level questions, I’ll ask small ones. First, where did you go? What was so important that needed to happen now?”

Jonathan sighed, “(Y/n), I can’t-” “We went to Illinois,” a voice interrupted.

You turned to the back porch and saw Nancy walking down the steps, joining the three of you. You wanted to turn around and look at Steve but held yourself from doing so. It would hurt to see him looking at Nancy with a certain gaze, lovestruck or heartbroken.

“Why’d you go to Illinois?” Steve asked the question.

Nancy stopped on the last step, she was the same height as Jonathan now. And the two of them looked at each other, silently talking with their eyes only, and that’s when you started to notice it. Something changed in those two days, you could sense it. The way their hands wanted to reach out for the other, their closeness in the dim lighting, how you can tell their eyes were lingering over each other’s features.

“Jonathan…” You walked closer to the pair.

Jonathan was evidently confused, you went from being hostile to suddenly approaching him as if you were a scared mouse. You ignored the shared looks from the two and grabbed his bicep like he did to you earlier and tugged him towards the shed. You spared a glance over your shoulder, Steve and Nancy closer together and both of them watching your retreating figures.

“(Y/n)-” “Did you and Nancy have sex?” You whispered.

Jonathan blanched at your outright question, so you knew it was true. 

“What- What makes you think that (Y/n)?” Jonathan brushed it off.

You rolled your eyes, “I’m pretty observant, Jonathan. People-watching is my favorite pastime at school. I notice things.”

“Oh! So if we’re talking about people watching, what about you and Steve?” Jonathan fired back.

You stole a glance at Steve, “I- I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You tried to change the topic's direction, “Steve and Nancy just broke up, and I’m not even sure if it’s official. So, you would have helped Nancy cheat on Steve.” You were talking out your ass just to ignore Jonathan.

“(Y/n), don’t play dumb. I noticed earlier, you two are touchy-feely with each other.” “We were consulting each other,” you shrugged off.

“Oh, you think douchebag Harrington will solve your problems? Is his supposed charm rubbing off on you?” He seethed.

You were taken aback, “What the hell is your problem with him, Jonathan?” “My problem is that you suddenly forgot all the shitty things he’s done!” “I didn’t forget, I’ve seen him change. If you would pay attention-” Jonathan got louder, “He didn’t even know you existed after middle school! His ‘friends’ were jackasses to you constantly, and he didn’t stop them!”

“Okay, first off, Carol and Tommy have been jackasses since fifth grade. Secondly, what about Nancy?” He got defensive now, “What does Nancy have to do with this?”

“She pretty much ignored you after seventh grade, and once all this shit happened, she’s running into your arms. Are you happy that she and Steve broke up? She broke his heart and you finally got your chance with her. Finally got the upper hand on Steve Harrington,” a harsh whisper at the end.

Jonathan sighed, his shoulders slumping, “(Y/n), I just want what’s best for you, and Steve Harrington is someone I don’t trust.”

“How about trusting me, your sister? When I say Steve has changed, why can’t you believe me? I’m the one hanging out with him, getting to see his real personality. Maybe if you made an effort, you would notice.”

“Also,” you added to your point, “Steve wants to try and work things out between the two of you, but you don’t bother.”

“Fine, whatever. After this is over, I’ll talk with Steve or some shit.” Jonathan hissed. “Whatever, I’m still pissed at you,” you rolled your eyes. “Why did you leave me behind?” Leaving the Steve/Nancy argument behind and going back to the actual one.

“I- I wasn’t thinking, (Y/n). I don’t know what you want me to say.” Jonathan argued.

“Oh, but I think you were thinking ‘cause you yelled at me to stay like you were giving a dog a command.” You gave a shove to Jonathan's shoulder.

Then you used both hands and shoved at his shoulders, using most of your strength. You did it again, and again, Jonathan stumbling slightly at your action. Then you beat your fist against his chest, your anger flaring once more.

“Why did you leave me behind? Why! Why Jonathan!” You shouted.

Something within you was ignited in a fire, “You promised we would deal with this together! You would be there for me and I would be there for you! We promised never to leave the other out of things!”

Jonathan gripped your wrist, “(Y/n)-” “Am I too weak for you? Huh? Still that useless bitch that Lonnie would always yell at!”

“No, just-”

“Worried I’ll be useless again like that night at the house!”

Jonathan then harshly tugged you into a tight hug, his arms caging you against his body, your arms immobile. You struggled against his hold, either from anger, panic, or both mixing. Eventually, your body went slack against Jonathan’s, his arms holding you up. His chin was digging into your head, your face tucked into his chest, nothing but darkness clouding your vision and Jonathan’s breathing filling your ears.

“You’re not useless, and I didn’t leave you behind ‘cause of that.” He stroked a hand over your hair. “I didn’t want to drive you into danger. Mom and Will were already in there and if you were with me, I would’ve had full tunnel vision, only worried about my family.”

You rubbed your face into his chest, an excuse for a nodding of understanding coming from his side. You fully have tunnel vision when it comes to your family or people you care about, you’ll do anything to save them from harm. But having Jonathan yell at you, push you to the side, it just felt like Lonnie was yelling at you.

“Please don’t yell at me again,” you asked, sounding like a scared child.

The two of you may have been yelling at each other not even five minutes ago, but that was different. It felt different to you, it felt like a protective sibling fight. But outside the lab, you saw Lonnie yelling at ten-year-old you. It almost felt like an actual slap to your face, something that came out of the blue.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any harm from it, I hope you know that” a hand smoothing over your shoulder blades.

“I do, just…”

“I know,” and he did.

The two of you stayed in the embrace for a moment or two longer, having resolved some problems, and maybe brought up new ones that aren’t too important tonight.

“Hey, Scooby Gang!” a booming voice yelled.

You pulled away from Jonathan and turned to the porch, Hopper standing tall and with authority, “come inside! Henderson has information,” and he walked back inside.

You and Jonathan shared a look before heading back to the house, Nancy, and Steve seemingly still outside. You flushed a bit at the thought of either one hearing your entire conversation. Jonathan rejoined Nancy and the two went back inside, and before you could follow Steve held you back with his grasp. You stared at him, bewildered at the action.

Steve’s eyes danced over your face, it was as if his fingers were caressing your cheeks. Every inch tingled, lit with fire. His eyes bored into yours deeply, like he was trying to convey a message you didn’t understand at this moment, but it was one you wanted to decipher. 

“Everything…” He trailed off.

“Uh, yeah, yeah. It’s- It’s okay, Steve,” your free hand landing over his, “let’s see what Henderson’s got,” you cocked your head to the house.

…

“The Mind Flayer,” Dustin blurted as he threw Will’s d&d book onto the kitchen table.

“What the hell is that?” Hopper questioned.

Everyone except for Joyce was huddled together, listening to whatever idea came to Dustin’s mind in the past fifteen minutes. You stayed near the back, your tail end digging into the countertop with your feet crossed at your ankles and hands supported by your sides.

“It’s a monster from an unknown dimension. It’s so ancient that it doesn’t even know its true home.” Dustin answered Hopper’s question with character lore.

As Dustin continued to babble off DnD lore, you looked at everyone’s faces, watching their expressions. Hopper looked pissed and annoyed at whatever was coming out of Dustin’s mouth, Mike and Lucas were just listening, already knowing about this creature. Steve was just as confused as you were, wondering what the point of this conversation was, Jonathan quiet and stone still. Nancy was peering at Dustin, her brows furrowed with her arms crossed across her chest, and Max was just listening, blank-faced.

“Oh my god. None of this is real, it’s a kids' book,” Hopper argued.

Dustin argued back, “No, it’s a manual. It’s not for kids. And unless you know something that we don’t, this is the best metaphor-”

“Analogy,” Lucas interrupted.

“Analogy?” Dustin huffed, “That’s what you’re worried about?”

Everyone silently watched the scene, “Fine. An analogy for understanding whatever the hell this is.” Dustin flapped his hands about.

“Okay,” Nancy interrupted Dustin, “so this mind flamer thing-”

“Flayer,” you corrected the same time Dustin also fixed, “Mind Flayer.”

She just sighed and looked down at the manual, “what does it want?” Her question was directed at Dustin.

“To conquer us, basically. It believes it’s the master race.”

“Like the- the Germans?” Steve stammered.

A hand flew to your face, ‘oh god’

“Uh, the Nazis?” Dustin corrected him.

You could hear the embarrassment in Steve’s response, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, the- the Nazis.”

“Uh…If the Nazis were from another dimension, totally.” Dustin allowed. “Uh, it views other races, like us, as inferior to itself.”

“It wasn’t to spread, take over other dimensions,” Mike added.

Now Lucas spoke, “We are talking about the destruction of our world as we know it.”

“That’s great. That’s great. That’s really great. Jesus!” Steve was frazzled.

He walked away from the crowded table and joined you in the back, he copied your posture and hand rubbing at his temples. His hand digging into the counter, and his pinky brushing against yours. It causes an involuntary shiver to race up your spine, a breathy exhale in response. A glance at the table your eyes met Jonathan’s, his brows raised at your duo. A jerk of your head as your response to him, you looked away and tuned in back to Steve’s presence. A kick of your sneaker against Steve’s foot pulled his attention onto you.

“Are you okay?” You tried to convey the message with only your eyes and furrowed brows.

The hand that rested against his temple ran through his hair, and he bit his bottom lip with a sigh. That was your answer, he was frustrated but he was fine.

“We kill everything it controls,” caught your attention.

“We win.” “Theoretically.”

“Great,” Hopper tugged the manual out of Nancy’s hold, his patience waning. “So, how do we kill this thing? Shoot it with Fireballs or something?”

Dustin chuckles at that, “No. No, no fire- no fireballs. Uh, you summon an undead army, uh, because…” You saw the deadly look being thrown at Dustin, “...because zombies, you- you know, they don’t- they don’t have brains, and the mind flayer, it…it…It likes brains.” Dustin stammered through.

“What the hell are we doing here?” Hopper slammed the book down, he was over it.

“I thought we were waiting for your military backup.” Dustin retorted.

“We are!” Hopper yelled, you flinched a little.

“How are they gonna stop this?” Mike demanded. “You can’t just shoot this with guns.”

“You don’t know that! We don’t know anything!” Hopper fought back.

“We know it’s already killed everybody in that lab.” A flash of Bob crossed your eyes at Mike’s statement. Your fingers curled deeper into the cool countertop, the edge digging into your palms.

“We know the monsters are gonna molt again,” Lucas added.

“We know that it’s only a matter of time before those tunnels reach this town,” Dustin spoke.

You were so tired of this already and you haven’t even reached the final fight.

“They’re right,” Joyce’s soft voice entered the room. 

Everyone turned their eyes on her, you stepped away from the counter and made your way to her figure in the hallway, “we have to kill it,” her voice was like broken glass. 

You could see the tension that was held in her shoulders, and how her hair was a bit unkept. You threw an arm over her shoulders and pulled her into a side hug, wanting to comfort her at this moment.

“I want to kill it.”

Hopper walked forward, “me too,” his voice was quieter now. “Me too, Joyce, okay? But how do we do that?”

Joyce sighed at Hopper, making sense of his logic.

“We don’t exactly know what we’re dealing with here.”

“No.” Mike’s squeaky voice spoke, “but he does.” And you already know who he’s talking about.

You watched Mike leave the kitchen and entered the living room, his eyes set on Will’s unconscious body.

“If anyone knows how to destroy this thing, it’s Will. He’s connected to it. He’ll know its weakness.”

Max questioned his logic, “I thought we couldn’t trust him anymore? That he’s a spy for the mind flayer now?”

Everyone was now out of the kitchen and on the threshold of the destroyed living room, all eyes on Will as he slept.

“Yeah, but he can’t spy if he doesn’t know where he is.” Mike reasoned.

“What does that mean?” Steve asked.

“We need someplace we can blackout, a room that he wouldn’t recognize.” Mike clarified.

“We could… We could use the shed. Clear it out and cover the windows,” you supplied a place.

You and Hopper shared a look before he stormed out of the house, the back door slamming behind him.

…

Everyone split into groups.

All three Byers stuck together in finding fabric to cover the shed. Dustin and Lucas dug through the trash for something, and Mike and Max were in the kitchen. Nancy and Steve were in the shed once Hopper threw everything out.

Once everyone got what they were assigned or looking for, your groups met at the shed and went to work in making sure the shed wasn’t recognized by Will or the mind flayer. Every inch of space was covered in blankets, old carpet, and whatever was available and held together with duct tape and staples. A chair was set up for Will once Jonathan grabbed him from the house.

Everyone except you, Jonathan, Hopper, Joyce, and Mike went inside. The kids seemed hesitant but knew there were already enough people in the shed, not wanting to cause any alarm. Nancy and Jonathan let their hands graze across each other before parting ways. You watched them with broken eyes, then looked away catching Steve’s eyes before he turned away and left.

Now it was just the final touches before Will could be awoken. You tied him in white cording, you hated every second. Every twist tighter around his wrist, tying his ankles together, his torso being trapped against the taped chair. Mike set up a light that would shine directly onto his face, keeping everything and everyone hidden in the shadows.

“All right, you ready?” Hopper quietly asked Joyce.

“Yeah,” she sounded both hesitant but assured in her decision.

Hopper looked at you and Jonathan, you gave a nod of your head as his confirmation. He walked toward Will with a bottle of house cleaner in his grasp. He squared down and dosed a cotton ball in the strong smell and held it under Will’s nose.

After a second, Will’s head jerks up, his eyes blown wide. He looked everywhere, trying to decipher what was happening or where he was. He was struggling against the cording, his breathing ragged.

He didn’t look like Will. He has paled significantly, like a cold has taken hold of him and it hasn’t broken anytime since. His skin was coated in a thin layer of sweat, strands of hair sticking to his forehead.

“What? What? What is this?” He grunts against the restraints.

“What is this? Why am I tied up?” No one spoke.

Joyce walked forward, she lowered herself to his height, “Will, we just wanna talk to you. We’re not gonna hurt you.”

He ignored her, “Where am I?”

Hopper joined them, he held the mind flayer drawing Will made a few days ago, “You recognize this?”

Will didn’t answer, “Do you recognize this?” Hopper pressed. Will shook his head no.

“Hey,” Joyce cooed. “We wanna help you. But to do that, we have to understand how to kill it.”

Will got hostile, “Why am I tied up?” He yelled in her face. “Why am I tied up? Why am I tied up? Why am I tied up?” He kept repeating.

You had to cover your ears, and just mumble the alphabet to yourself, a panic attack rising. Will continued his yelling, this thrashing in Hopper’s hold. The lights start to flicker, and Will’s voice gets twisted and distorted at times. You had to shrink further into an already small space, this wasn’t about you with a tiny panic attack, this was about Will who was possessed.

He soon started to slow down, his words getting quieter and his body slouching forward. Hopper released his hold on Will and Joyce moved from her crouched position to a chair sitting directly in front of Will. His breathing was ragged, it was the only thing filling the room, other than your murmurs.

“Do you know what March twenty-second is?”

Will didn’t answer, his gaze blanked.

“It’s your birthday, your birthday. When you turned eight, I gave you that huge box of crayons. Do you remember that?”

He was so excited at the sight of getting to have every color in existence. Blabbering off different ideas he was gonna create.

“One hundred and twenty colors. And all your friends, they got you Star Wars toys, but all you wanted to do was draw with your new colors. And you drew this big spaceship, but it wasn’t from a movie. It was- it was your spaceship. A rainbow spaceship is what you called it, you must have used every color in the box.”

She continued to talk about the memory, how she brought the drawing to work, and showed it off proudly to everyone who entered the store. Will just watch, just breathing and saying nothing.

“Do you…Do you remember the day dad left?” Jonathan stuttered.

Will now face him. Jonathan walked closer, moving beside Joyce.

“We stayed up all night building Castle Byers…the three of us, building it the exact way you drew it. And it took so long because you were so bad at hammering.”

A choked laugh escaped you, a delightful moment in a bad memory. He missed the nail every time.

“And then it started raining, but we stayed out there anyway. We were all sick for like a week after that, (Y/n) about two. But we just had to finish it, didn’t we? We just had to.”

Then Mike spoke to Will, talking about the first day they met. On the first day of kindergarten, both of them were alone and scared. How Will said yes to Mike being his friend. You remember Will coming home that day and animatedly talking about how he made a friend, a giant smile painted on his face, you were so proud of him.

“Will, baby…if you’re in there, just please…please talk to us,” Joyce begged. “Please, I love you so much.”

It seemed like he was about to respond to Joyce, give everyone the confirmation, but he didn’t, “Let me go,” was all you got.

Everyone sighed, you weren’t getting through with Will. Suddenly Hopper wrapped a blindfold around Will’s eyes and ears. You were perplexed, but he only crooked a finger at the four of you and walked to the door. Everyone left with Hopper just behind. You waited for Hopper, but he continued forward, walking back to the house. Hopper rushed in and hastily grabbed a notepad and a pen, sitting at the table, and began to write something.

You stuck to the back of the kitchen again, still shaken up from Will’s repetitive screaming. It brought back bad memories and started to trigger something in your mind. Your arms crossed over your chest, the palms running in soothing motions over your biceps. Hopper was talking about morse code, saying Will was talking to them, but you zoned out. You let your mind go blank, the repetitive motions calming you down.

“(Y/n),” the voice sounded garbled like they were underwater.

It was like you were a zombie, with no response and sluggish movements.

A warm, but clammy touch on your cheek made you flinch from your head and come tumbling back into reality. You leaned back, the hand dropping from your face. You were perplexed at the sight of Steve standing so close to you, his back turned to the others, only focused on you.

“Sorry. I just- Jonathan said you had a- a panic attack…in the shed, earlier. You were kinda out of it when you came back.”

“Oh.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He said every word in a whisper, a message only for your ears.

You didn’t trust your vocal cords to form words, so you nodded your head instead. The conservation and moment was over when Jonathan walked to the door with his boombox in hand. That was your cue to head back to the shed with your group.

So, with a final look at Steve, you left the house and hurried behind Jonathan, trying to get up to speed on the new plan.

…

So, the new plan was pretty simple.

The four of you would take turns with Will, each of you shares a memory with him, something that held a bit of meaning. A memory that could keep him conscious, allowing him to tap a message in morse code. Which Hopper would relay back to the others through the walkie-hidden behind his back.

Jonathan went first. He placed his mixtape into the cassette player on the boombox, Should I Stay Or Should I Go was playing through the speakers. He talked about the first time he played this song for Will, how Joyce and Lonnie were fighting in the living room and the music drowned them out.

“And it was the first time you got into music. Real music.”

You would disagree with that statement, but now wasn’t the time to argue about your music taste…yours was better.

Mike talked about a campaign they had. Big insects in a sewer and how they were still on level one when they had to defeat them. Mike was throwing out D&D terms and techniques that you didn’t understand, half the words sounding like they came from Star Wars or The Hobbit.

“Then you cast Fog Cloud and saved us. You saved the whole party.” Like he was trying to do right now.

Joyce talked about different times when Will noticed someone needed a friend. Helping a little girl that was crying in the sandbox at the park, giving some boy his Tonka Truck cause he lost his. How he was always caring about people’s well-being before thinking about himself and his own needs.

Finally, it was your turn.

“Will, do you remember that time when we were drawing?” April 1980

Will was home earlier from school this particular day and you stayed home since you weren't feeling good the past few days, but you started to feel better this day. It’s like you could smell the color in the air, finally able to breathe through your nose instead of your open mouth. And you took a shower, your hair was greasy, the skin was sticky from night sweats, and you could barely leave your bed two days ago, but you took the opportunity to shower when your legs didn’t shake from your body weight. 

Walking to the kitchen was when Will entered the house, so happy to see his excited face. It lit up the warmth in your chest. 

“Hey, buddy,” you ruffled his hair as he stood in front of you.

“Are you feeling better? You don’t sound like a cat anymore.” He and Jonathan joked that you were coughing up hairballs. It was hilarious to them, but you couldn’t find any energy to smack them.

“Ha ha. Yes, I feel better. I even showered, but couldn’t clean my sheets… Would you be a doll-”

“No.”

“Will, come on! Please! I just need you to get them off my bed and throw them into the washer and dryer. I’ll have Jonathan put them back when he’s home.” Your hands clasped against your chest, bottom lip jutted out in an exaggerated pout.

You knew he was gonna do it eventually, even Will knew he was gonna do it, but he was pretending to ponder over the request. Wanting to keep you on edge.

He tapped a theatrical finger on his chin, “hmm. If I do this for you, will you come draw with me?”

You grinned at the request, “I would have done that even if I didn’t ask.”

“Yeah I know, sometimes I just want to hold you hostage.” And he ran off to his room before running to yours, backpack gone. You were taken aback by the phrasing, a giggling slipping.

Once your laundry was in the dryer, you and Will made an artist mess at the kitchen table. Crayons, colored pencils, markers, and blank white paper covered every inch of that small table. Probably should have used the dining table, but it was too late.

You were doing simple designs. Flowers, grassy hills, decent mountains, sometimes just doing simple looping that formed something in the end. You would check in on Will every on and again, he was being very quiet. Every time you tried to lean over and glance at his paper, he would pull back and turn the paper away from your view.

“What are you hiding?” A sly remark.

“Nothing, it’s a surprise.”

“Oh! A surprise, for whom?” You poked fingers into his ribs.

He squirmed away from the offending digits, even moved to the chair across from you. You just grinned at the dedication to art, choosing to not bother him further, and went back to the quiet, only sounds of your breathing and the movement of whatever was in your hand against the paper.

After about two hours of drawing, mostly quiet with the radio playing in the background, you tried to get another look when you got up from the table and went to the bathroom. On your way back you tried to sneak past Will, but you didn’t do a very good job since the only thing in your field of vision was a piece of paper with the words GET BACK written in red crayon.

“Can’t I get a little peek?” You asked when leaving Will’s side and heading back to your chair.

“In a little, I’m not finished,” he murmured.

“Okay.” And you felt him alone again after that.

Jonathan came home an hour later, you immediately asked him to put the clean sheets on your bed. Better to ambush him now than to wait later. He said Joyce would be working a bit late tonight so he was gonna make the three of you dinner.

“Can’t we order out? Just tonight?” You pleaded.

Jonathan huffed, “what is it you want so badly?”

“I really want a Benny’s burger, oh, and a milkshake! Please, Jonathan! I need something cold for my throat.”

Will soon joined in on your pleading, and after a moment Jonathan dropped his head. Bingo. He grabbed his coat, wallet, and keys and headed out the front door, his car engine turning on after a second and his headlights left the living room.

“Always caves,” you chuckled.

You headed to the living room ready to watch a movie in the meantime. You popped the VHS of Grease into the player and waited for it to load the screen.

“(Y/n),” Will’s tiny voice called out.

You turned away from the tv and glanced at the kitchen, Will standing at the end of the hallway with his paper in hand.

You beckoned him forward, a hand dangling over the side, “what’s up?”

“I…I drew this…for you,” he was nervous.

You gently took the paper and held it with both hands in front of you. You scanned over the drawing, a drawing of you. He used crayons to fill the page with color, the box Joyce bought for his birthday this year. Your hair was shaded in, eyes bright with life only Will was capable of capturing in a drawing. A smile adoring your features, apples of your cheeks full.

It wasn’t until you saw a drop of water land on the paper did you realize you had tears in your eyes. Quickly you wiped your face and eyes clean, not wanting to ruin an inch more of the paper.

“I…I love it. Thank you, Will.”

You immediately stood from the couch and grabbed Will into a tight hug, not giving him an inch of space.

“I’m gonna put it in a frame and hang it on my wall,” you mumbled into his hair.

When you finished retelling the memory the house phone suddenly went off, Will’s head snapping at the noise. He was alerted. You panicked, but the phone stopped after the second ring. A sigh of relief was cut short when the phone rang again and then stopped again. You watched as Will’s eyes zoned out then started to close, his eyes zooming behind his lids. 

“Will? Will, can you hear me?” You clasped your hands over his cheeks.

His breathing was heavy, he was panting.

“It knows. It knows where we are,” Hopper crouched beside Will.

Joyce came into view with the filled syringe and plunged it into Will’s upper arm. His head went limp. Everyone stood still for a moment before Hopper, Jonathan, and Mike headed out of the shed, the monsters screeching in the close distance. Jonathan came rushing back inside a minute later.

“They’re coming!”

“What?” You jumped to untie Will, everyone joining in to get the task done quicker.

“Come on. We gotta go.” Hopper commanded.

Once Will was freed Jonathan carried him to the house, and everyone rushed out. Everyone now gathered in the living room, Will’s unconscious body was in his room.

“Get away from the windows, are you guys stupid!” You yelled at Lucas, Max, and Mike.

Hopper was holding two guns and held one out to Jonathan, “Do you know how to use this?”

“What?”

“Can you use this?” Hopper repeated.

Just as you were about to step forward, Nancy beat you to the punch, “I can.” And Hopper threw her the rifle.

You went for the ax instead, lining up at the front with Nancy and the rifle, Steve and his bat, and Hopper and his gun at the end. The four of you kept an eye on the window and front door, watching and waiting for any movement. The screeching slowly was getting louder, they were getting closer.

“Where are they?” Max asked, but no one had an answer.

It went quiet, too quiet. It made your heart race faster. Then a loud thudding noise to the right of the house made you jump, everyone turning at the noise.

“What are they doing?” Nancy questioned.

There wasn’t any more noise from the dining area, a snarling noise back in the living drew the attention. They were groaning, screeching, rustling the bushes at the front of the house. They were toying with their food.

Then it all abruptly stops and it’s deadly silent again.

You held your breath before one of them crashed through the open window and was thrown across the room. Everyone screams in surprise and terror. All of you waited with bated breath for movement, any moment for it lunges and devours each one of you. But no movement, not even a twitch, it was dead on impact. Hopper trudges forward slowly, every one a step behind.

“Holy shit,” Dustin whispered.

“Is it dead?” Max voiced.

Hopper kept his gun aimed at it, his foot coming into contact with its flowering head. It rolled to the side, it was dead. Everyone’s guard lowered, sighs of relief filling the room. You lowered the ax to the floor, the handle slipping from your grasp. But your heart spiked when you heard the creaking of the front door. Guards were up, guns were pointed. You watched as the locks slowly undid themselves and the door was pushed open.

Your mouth was agape at the sight before you.

Walking through the threshold, there she stood, in all her glory.

El was dressed in a black shirt and oversized blazer with the sleeves rolled up, light denim jeans cuffed at the ankles of her white converses. Her hair was slicked back, you could tell it was longer since the last time you saw her. Her eyes were smudged with coal black shadow and she had a line of blood slowly dripping from her left nostril.

“El?” You voiced what everyone was thinking.

…

You watched the scene before your very eyes.

Mike and El walk closer to each other before they collapse into a tight embrace. Mike’s head rested on El’s shoulder, his body hunched from the year of growth. El’s hands clinging to Mike’s jacket, her tears rolling down her cheeks.

Mike pulled back, his hands on her upper arms, “I never gave up on you. I called you every night. Every night for-”

“Three hundred fifty-three days. I heard.”

She’s been alive this whole time, for a whole year she’s been alive and in Hawkins.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were there? That you were okay?”

“Because I wouldn’t let her,” Hopper’s voice interrupted.

A rage formed within your heart.

“The hell is this? Where have you been?” “Where have you been?” And Hopper pulled her into a side hug. They were arguing like they’ve…been…

“You knew?” You were irate.

Hopper knew, you’ve told him before, how you wished you stayed at the school. How you blame El’s death on your selfishness, wanting to go with your brother then watch the actual children. You’ve been beating yourself over this for a year, but it was pointless. She’s been alive this whole time and apparently staying with Hopper. “You’ve been hiding her,” Mike was just as furious as you, but his anger came from a different place, “you’ve been hiding her this whole time!” He slammed his fist into Hopper’s back.

“Hey!” Hopper grabbed his shirt, “let’s talk, alone,” and they left the living room before a door closed, shutting them off.

Lucas and Dustin throw their arms around El, her own wrapping over their shoulders.

“We missed you,” Lucas’ voice was muffled.

“I missed you, too,” El confirmed.

It was such a nice sight for once, the kids were happy to see an old face, as were you. You waited to have your moment with Eleven, content with watching them during this peaceful moment.

Suddenly El jutted a hand out and stuck her thumb into Dustin’s mouth, you were taken aback at the action.

“Teeth,” was all she said.

“What?”

“You have teeth.”

Oh yeah, Dustin grew in his front teeth over the summer. Would not stop showing them off for the first two months. “Oh. You like these pearls?” And he did a bad Chewbacca growl, which is something he also did for a few months at random.

“Eleven?” Max stepped forward, you could tell she was a bit nervous, “Hey. Um, I’m Max.” She held a hand out in greeting, “I heard a lot about you.” But El didn’t shake her hand or even smile at the girl, she just brushed past her and walked towards you.

You wanted to consult Max, but right now you needed to remind yourself El was alive. Her arms wrapped around your waist, her face hiding in the crook of your neck. Your arms over her shoulder pulled her in tightly, your face pressing into her slicked hair.

“I’m so relieved you’re alive,” you hummed in her skin.

You pulled apart, hands resting on her shoulders. A brilliant smile was on her face and you were overjoyed at the sight. A knuckle knocked playfully into her chubby cheeks.

“I love the new look.”

A wet chuckle, “bitchin’.”

“Yeah, it’s bitchin’.”

You wanted to spend more time with her, but knew she wanted to talk with Joyce. And also right now there were more pressing matters at hand, so you freed her with a quick kiss on her hair and watched Joyce embrace her.

With El now with Joyce, you walked to Max and the two boys. Her guard was up, arms protective over her chest, eyes looking everywhere, her shoes scuffing into the wood flooring. You taped a finger on her shoulder drawing her attention to you now.

“She doesn’t mean anything rude, she just wants to see familiar faces.”

Max shrugged her shoulders quickly, “yeah, yeah I- I understand.”

“I’m sure the both of you would be great friends in the near future.”

…

“It’s not like it was before. It’s grown.” Hopper sighed, “A lot. And, I mean, that’s considering we can get in there. The place is crawling with those dogs.”

“Demo-dogs,” Dustin had to clarify.

“I’m sorry, what?” “I said, uh, Demo-dogs. Like Demogorgon and dogs.”

You placed a hand on Dustin’s shoulder, “Now’s, not the time, Dustin. Please.”

“Right, yeah. Sorry,” and he shut his mouth.

“I can do it,” El said to Hopper.

“You’re not hearing me,” Hopper sighed.

“I’m hearing you,” she said firmly, “I can do it.”

“Even if El can,” Mike added, “there’s still another problem. If the brain dies, the body dies.”

“I thought that was the whole point,” Max was confused.

“It is, but if we’re really right about this…I mean, if El closes the gate and kills the mind flayer’s army-”

“Will’s a part of that army,” Lucas mentioned.

“Will could die,” anguish struck your heart.

No one knew what to say. The plan needed to happen, El had to close the gate, but if doing so caused Will to die, you would do anything to forfeit it all. Joyce stood from the table and strode to Will’s room, you followed a step behind with Jonathan on your tail. Soon everyone walked down the hall and went to Will’s room. He was still laying on his sheets, his chest moving up and down to show his breathing, but his body hadn't moved an inch.

“He likes it cold.”

“What?” You weren’t sure you heard Joyce.

“It’s what Will kept saying to me. He likes it cold.” She walked to the open window and shut it closed, “We keep giving it what it wants.”

“If this is a virus, and Will’s the host, then…” Nancy, ever the smart one.

“Then we need to make the host uninhabitable.” Jonathan finished.

“So if he likes it cold…” you stated.

“We need to burn it out of him.” A wrathful tone seeps through Joyce’s sentence.

“We have to do it somewhere he doesn’t know this time.”

“Yeah, somewhere far away,” Mike and Dustin noted.

Everyone tried to think of a place, somewhere we could stache Will without worrying about the mind flayer coming a second time.

“I know where,” Hopper’s deep voice realized.

…

“Are you coming?”

With Will waiting in Jonathan’s car, Hopper gave Jonathan the directions to his cabin in the woods where Jonathan and Joyce would burn out the flayer from Will and once that was done, radio Hopper and El would close the gate. Ending all of this for good. But when Jonathan asked if you were joining the two of them, you hesitated.

You wanted to be there for Will, so badly, but you knew you weren’t needed there. With the other three kids staying behind, you were learning from last time and staying with the kids. If something were to go wrong, you would be there to protect them from anything, even if it were to kill you.

“I’m, uh, I’m- I’m gonna stay here. You won’t need me anyway.”

“Are- Are you sure?” You heard the wariness in his voice.

“Yeah. I’ve always been the best babysitter,” you joked, trying to loosen the tension.

So, with a ‘see you later’ hug from Jonathan and an ‘I love you so much hug’ from Joyce, you headed back inside the house. The kids were waiting in the living room, the boys saying their goodbyes to El, making her promise to come back, “for real this time,” Lucas emphasized.

You made a detour into the kitchen, getting a drink, or just mindlessly walking around your house when you saw light from the backyard. Stepping closer to the sink and peering out the window, you saw Nancy and Steve standing beside each other. The two of them looked through the pile of stuff Hopper threw out of the shed earlier, looking for heaters, or anything for extra warmth. You couldn’t tell what they were talking about, and the dark distance didn’t allow you to gaze at their faces. They just stood in front of each other for a minute, maybe even two, before Steve walked away and back to the house.

You made haste to get away from the window, not wanting Steve to know you were spying on, what seemed like an intimate moment between the two. As you were making your exit from the kitchen, the back door opened telling you Steve was back. And if that wasn’t enough, his voice calling your name stopped you dead in your tracks. You spun around to face him, curiosity openly displayed on his face.

“Hey, uh, are you…are you going to Hopper’s cabin?” Then he backtracked his question before you could answer, “That’s dumb, of course, you are, he’s your-”

“Actually, I decided to stay behind,” your answer stopped his ramble.

His head tilted, a confused puppy came to mind, “oh. I just…I just thought since…”

“I know. I just…I just thought you guys would need me more.” A shrug of shoulders, “I can put up quite the fight when I’m not panicked.”

A laugh was shared between the both of you.

-----------------------

taglist: @heartyhope / @preciousbabypeter / @dessxoxsworld / @piper3113 / @animiacorn​ / @burn1ngw00d​ / @drxwstxrkxy​ / @m-rae23​ / @noisyeggsmoneystatesman​ / @yournan69​ / @thats-s0-ravenn​ / @ameliabs-world​ / @mayonesavegana​ / @gracella0709​ / @gengen64​ / @alecmores​ / @choclate32 / @stvrdustalexx​ / @redheadedfangirl​ / @agustdeeyaa​ / @yappydoo​ / @liberhoe​ / @hehehehannahthings / @ladybug0095 / @sweeter-innocence-fics / @j-6o / @voteforevilthoughts /

*strike through means tumblr couldn’t find your account*

[kingdaddydaichi]

So Your Husband is a Cop

Random Relationship HCs: Officer D. Sawamura Edition

⊱ cw: a teensy weensy bit of nsfw, heavy on the fluff, mention of blood/puke/brain matter (hey, your husband is a cop…these are very real occupational hazards, however I used small red strikethrough text if you wanna skip over it)

⊱ taglist: @lanaxians-2, @briokayama, + anyone else who has been patiently waiting for Chapter III of "of and for gods"...please accept this snack while I re-prioritize this series to the top of my list...I love y'all. 💋

Daichi’s shifts are always changing…one week he works first shift, four days on 3 days off…the next week he works 3rd shift. It really fucks with his sleep schedule so he’s almost always tired.

As much as you wanna spend time with him on his days off, you let him sleep in (and after you have kids, forbid the children from interrupting his sleep).

So, it’ll be midday on a Saturday or something and you’re outside weeding the flowerbeds.

He wakes up and goes to the kitchen to make himself some coffee (I see him as a coffee drinker? 100% owns a French press) and sees you through the kitchen window. A few minutes later he walks out wearing a pair of basketball shorts and an old t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and finds you in the flowerbed. You look up to see his tired but happy smile and it makes your day brighter than the sun itself.

He’s so ready to spend some time with you that he’ll just jump in or sit down and start doing whatever you’re doing with you. He asks you how your week was and laughs when you tell him a funny story, and you listen while he talks about his week. It’s kinda weird bc you live together – hell, you’re married ffs – but cops keep some fucked up hours okay? So he’s just so grateful to do even the most mundane shit with you.

“Hey babe,” he says as he approaches you with that big, cute boyish smile of his. 

“Morning sunshine,” you say to him as you lean forward to kiss him.

He pecks you on the lips and says, “It’s not morning.”

He squats down and starts helping you pull weeds and just chats with you. Asks you how you’re holding up and making sure you’re okay with the fact that half the time you don’t get to sleep together.

He knows it’s not easy being married to a police officer.

Never mind the comments and looks you get when people find out you’re married to a cop.

Even a couple of your friends stopped talking to you when your relationship with Daichi got serious. 

He had told you he’d understand if you didn’t want to be with him because of how it was affecting other relationships in your life.

You’d been crying, upset about having been dumped by a friend.

Daichi sat down to comfort you and told you he’d understand if you wanted to end things with him. 

That's when you got mad.

“No! Fuck that, Daichi! They don’t know you! If they refuse to see past your badge then that’s on them and they can fuck right off! Shame on them for judging you – for judging us! – when they know nothing about the man behind the badge! They don’t know what an amazing person you are! They don’t know about the sacrifices you’ve made, they don’t know how selfless and kind and caring you are! If they can’t be happy for me when I’ve finally got a really, really good man in my life then good fucking riddance. That just leaves more room for you – someone who wants me to be happy no matter what!”

He was taken aback by your rant, but was so moved by your words. That’s when he knew you were the one and the man damn near cried when he wrapped you up in his arms and told you how much he loves and cherishes you. “Are you happy with me, (Y/n)?”

Sobbing into his chest, you nodded. “Yes!”

He laid his cheek on top of your head and squeezed you tight. “It’s just that I don’t wanna be the reason you cry, honey.”

“You’re not the reason I’m crying, baby.” Your shaky voice came through muffled. “They are. This isn’t your fault. Fuck them. I love you, Daichi n’I wanna be with you.”

Yep. It took him another year to get around to asking you, but he knew right then he was gonna marry you one day. 

Then there’s the fact that his job is dangerous – more than once he has come home with someone else’s dried blood on his skin. Getting puked on after pulling over a drunk driver is always fun, he jokes. Finding a homicide victim’s brain matter on his uniform though…he doesn’t joke about that.

☀️🌈🍭Anyways!🍭🌈☀️

He does a lot of little things to make sure you know you’re still the love of his life. 

Tells you he loves you a lot. Expect lots of cheek, forehead, and top of the head kisses. He’ll do as much as he can around the house on his days off to help you out. 

I feel like he likes working outside a lot when he’s home? When the weather is nice anyway. 

If it’s really hot you’ll bring him a long, tall glass of water (like him heh) or lemonade. 

He smiles when he sees you walking towards him, stops whatever he’s doing, and lifts the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face - one of many opportunities you seize to enjoy the view of his glorious abs. 

He guzzles the cold drink before giving the glass back to you. “Thank you, babe,” he says and then wipes his mouth with his arm before leaning down to kiss your cheek.

But at the same time you won’t let him do too much. Or you start fussing if he does. “There is such a thing as sacred rest, Daichi.” Or “You work too much, honey.” Or (pouting) “Babyyy, come get in the shower with meeee. Wanna spend time with youuuu.” That last one he can almost never resist. 

Ugh he’s so sexy when he’s all sweaty and hot tho. 

Go ahead and get used to getting random texts and calls from mutual friends and family members: “Hey, what’s going on over at (x)? Is Daichi there?” “Is Daichi on duty? Why are there so many patrol cars over near (x)?” “I saw (x) doing blah blah at (x)…can you send Daichi over to take a look?” (bonus points if it’s his day off). Like bitch, I’m not his dispatch, I’m his wifey?

Also - I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the obligatory fact that he keeps a spare set of handcuffs and its keys in the drawer of his nightstand.

I think the first time you wanted him to put them on you made him feel kinda weird bc cuffing people was something he did for real and it felt like an abuse of his power. 

That was right up until you looked up at him with doe eyes and a finger on your pouting lip and said, “But I want you to arrest me, Officer Sawamura.” Then you turned around and gave him a not-so-innocent booty shake. “I’ve been a bad girl.”

[fatphobiabusters]

**please post anonymously, I think I logged out but I’m not sure, please make anon!!** I’m from England, and we are going through a particularly shitty time right now with the cost-of-living crisis. I think most other countries are feeling the pressure with energy costs and inflation and the general unfairness of it all. People here are deciding whether to Heat Or Eat, meaning should they spend their money on heating their houses and having a hot bath, or should they spend their money on a meal? It really is outrageous and sadly a lot of vulnerable people are getting affected by the government’s buffoonery. My local newspaper published an interview with young families and young people who are talking about their experiences and their hardships and just how fucking awful everything is. One of the people they interviewed was a fat woman. She talked about how she has to skip meals so that she can feed her kids, and how she has to use a food bank even though she works. And the comments were absolutely vile. Complete and utter lack of compassion or empathy for this poor struggling young mum. “She can stand to skip a few meals it’ll do her good.” “How can she complain about not having enough money when she’s that fat? Stop buying so many sweets then you’ll have enough money to avoid food banks.” “You can’t be poor and fat at the same time, it costs money to get fat.” “I bet her kids are fat too.” “Not a good role model for her little ones.” “I’m having trouble believing she hasn’t got enough money for food.” And so on and so forth. Fucking relentless. It made me so worked up I felt tears of anger and frustration coming out of my eyes. Ffs we can’t even be poor or starve without being judged.

Mod squirrel:

Yeah England is off the charts with its fatphobia. I'm so sorry you had to see that, people are just so ignorant they just say with full confidence the most rancid and wrong stuff.

Take time to collect yourself, self care and protect yourself. 💖💖💖

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

We’re back, bitches!

You will never escape me.

It’s time, once again, for AFTG Hot Takes, the show where I just say whatever the fuck pops into my head.

Today’s topic: Kevin Day and his romantic interests.

Now, okay, I’ve discussed this a bit in previous posts. I’m not going to go too far in depth for the two ships I’ve talked about already.

Please, for the love of god, these are just my opinions. I’m literally just a teenager on the internet. It’s not that deep, you don’t need to write a ten paragraph essay on why grooming is okay (although tbf that made my night. Still waiting on a reply, bb)

With that out of the way, let’s get into it.

I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of most Kevin ships. I only like two of them, so we’ll save those for last.

1. First up we’ve got Kevandriel, Kevneil, and Kevandrew (pls dont @ me, i’m not 100% on those names)

I hate it. Despise it. Just so bad. Ew.

I made a whole post on why I have Kevandriel, read it if you want. 

Kevandrew (Kevin/Andrew) just doesn’t make any sense. Their personalities don’t mesh at all. Kevin doesn’t take no for an answer, which is something that is so important for Andrew.

Kevneil (Kevin/Neil) is one I just don’t like because, as we all know, I am a petty bitch. I don’t have a reason for disliking it, really. It just... idk, gives me the ick.

2. Moving on, Kevin and Thea.

I made a post regarding this one too, check it out (or don’t).

I don’t feel like rehashing all of that tho, honestly. (but pls feel free to read the reblogs, some were v good and others just made me cackle. Still looking at you, grooming guy)

3. Now, onto the ones I haven’t discussed. We’ll go with Kevjean first.

So, I mean... it’s not impossible that this actually happened in cannon, however. Just judging by the reactions these two had to each other once Jean was out of the Nest, them sustaining a healthy relationship would be nearly impossible.

Also, I am a diehard Jerjean fan (thanks gus_47, I blame you and the masterpiece that is Hoax for this) so I just... can’t bring myself to picture Jean with anyone else.

4. Kevin and Jeremy!

Listen, I don’t hate this one. I simply adore those fun lil fics where Kev is tripping over himself cause he’s in love with Jeremy (looking at you, quicksand). They’re so fun! But, Jerjean owns my soul (again, thank you Hoax) so it’s gonna have to be a no from me.

5. Kevin and Matt

I’ll be real with you, I didn’t know this existed until yesterday, and I am shocked.

I haven’t stopped to think about it much, and I probably won’t, because Dan. I just- that is her husband, excuse you.

6. Kevallison (Kevin/Allison)

I don’t mind this one, honestly. I sorta get it, tbf. 

HOWEVER.

Diehard Renison fan. Enough said.

And now, at last, we come to the two Kevin ships that I can (and do!!) suport whole-heartedly.

7. Kevaaron !! (Kevin/Aaron)

Listen, I just love their personalities. I love the idea of these two assholes healing together. Simply adore.

Before you say it (you know who you are, and yes I’m still salty ab this) I. Don’t. Ship. It. Because. I. Want. Andrew. And. Kevin. Together. ffs, people. What kind of person do you think I am? 

8. Kevin and... (drumroll please)

Himself!

I am 100% in support of aroace Kevin living his best life with his friends and family.  

I mean, it’s lovely. Spectacular. 10/10, adore it.

Okay okay I’m done (for now)

Let me know what other hot takes you’d like to hear!

And as always, if you disagree with anything I’ve said, fight me! I mean that, i love a bit of lighthearted discourse. (unless your opinions are truly heinous, in which case I will verbally punch you in the trachea.)

Blah blah hitman, blah blah death threats

[chil2de]

hi yes the benimaru fic i mentioned earlier— fire force fandom will you let me in please??🥺🥺 i don’t know what i’m dealing with fanbase wise mmfldjfj sometimes it feels like i’m head over heels for bens by myself so... i’ll drop this here for now.. see how it goes and i’ll continue w/ a second part if ff isn’t dead

nsfw themes throughout, so please read my disclaimer if you’re new. enjoy :)

w.c: 1.7k, characters: 9.6k (incl spaces)

-

there’s a certain sluggish quality that plagues your movements. it’s not fatigue or incompetence. or so benimaru would hope.

his mix matched gaze glosses over your unnecessary movements. that extra exhale you hiss, the additional bat of your eyelashes and the excessive perspiration that drips onto the earth below.

“stop.” he commands, tone low and stern as it pierces through the open air.

“huh? captain shinmon, i’m fine. we can keep going.” you huff through laboured breaths, pausing to gasp and drink in the plentiful oxygen around you.

“it’s one thing if you’re overworking your muscles. it’s another if you’re running a fever. go inside.”

“b-but captain-“

benimaru shoots you a dead stare, keeping his statement rooted deep where he stands.

judging by the bruises that adorn your knees, you know better than to disobey the captain.

“waka! have you seen (l/n)?” konro lingers in the doorframe of the main communal area, gaze scanning for one of his colleagues.

“she’s in her room. why?”

“her room? she has a few errands to run. is she feeling okay?”

“she’s running a fever.” benimaru exhales, shifting to get up from the table. he lightly scratches the back of his neck, adorning that usual aloof facial expression.

“in the middle of summer? how’d that happen?” konro chuckles through a small glimpse of bewilderment. of course he’d be concerned for one of his best recruits.

“hell if i know. what do we need? i’ll head out.”

if anything, benimaru is probably the sole reason why you’re running a fever. why he subjected to railing you underneath water that felt like it was nearing sub-zero was beyond you. it’s not like he’s about to admit he enjoys fucking his special little fire soldier. how he relishes and engrains the sight of your fucked out facial expression deep into his head, burning the image into his retinas. shit, you wouldn’t be surprised if the reason why he sometimes spaces out is because of you.

it’s always been blatantly obvious that you’re the captain’s favourite, no matter how much he denies it and how many glares he shoots at the people from other companies. you’re always left apologising for his behaviour, attempting to keep a straight face.

for the one time you dragged him out to patrol with you, and the amount of incessant whining, complaints and bribes you offered your captain, after a full month of lovely slow burn he decided to come along with you. he just up and left, had the audacity to turn around and ask you why you’re still standing there. benimaru always kept his distance to yours close, in fact the separation was almost minimal. you could feel his shoulders ghost over you.

every time he noticed someone staring at your figure for a little bit too long to be deemed appropriate, he hissed a scoff of distaste. at around the third or fourth person, you were already forced to deal with his short temper.

“what the hell are you gawking at? mind your damn business.”

but sure. apparently you’re not his favourite.

he can scoff and complain all he wants, but that won’t stop him even now from lazily snaking his hand around to his favourite baby girl’s waist. to him, this seems like the most normal thing.

“how else is she going to stand upright? she’s all stick and bones, the wind will knock her right over.”

okay, benimaru. you keep telling yourself that. even when his fingers feel an itch every time they’re not touching a part of your skin. he tends to get a whole lot more mouthy and irritable every time you’re not around, too.

hell, even his own townsfolk pick up on the fact that he’s out and about more. rounds that he always left to the lesser important underlings became more commonplace, especially with you by his side.

but the things that go on behind closed doors?

his peppermint red eyes that haunt your mind, infiltrating your very thoughts. you could be minding your business, going on about your day until you get an abrupt flicker of his mundane tic-tac-toe gaze staring up at you from in between your thighs.

you could be taking care of hinata and hikage, entertaining their antics when you feel the weight of benimaru’s stare burn holes into your uniform.

you could be doing your daily sparring with the captain. in the zone, breath held and blood stream steady until you remember the feel of his hot tongue trailing along the side of your neck. for someone who seems to be stuck in a perpetual state of sadness, you always catch the arrogant smirk that pulls at his lips.

“thinking of something?” he’ll cock his eyebrows, using the distraction to take a jab to your gut.

you groan, stirring around in your bed. you hate him, hate that stupid half lidded gaze of his. you hate how soft his wavy jet black locks are. the way the strands tug and bend whenever you try to yank his face away from your cunt. you run your fingers through your hair in a valiant yet futile attempt to free your thoughts from your captain. it’s only three o’clock in the afternoon, and you haven’t done anything but reminisce about your lover for the past hour and a half.

a meek and uneven sigh hisses from your lips. your eyes screw open and you flinch at the hard sunlight that pours in from the window. as you use the inner portion of your elbow to shield your gaze, you catch glimpse of a very familiar figure in the doorway.

“captain shinmon?” you inquire, propping yourself up onto your elbows. he closes the door behind him. you’re certain that you looked like a loyal dog sat panting and wagging its tail upon discovering the return of their owner.

“excited to see me?” he remarks in a flat tone, opening the grocery bag he’s carrying before setting a few things down onto your nightstand. it’s mostly medicine, though he snags a few of your favourite snacks and drinks. there’s also one of those fascinating green tea bottles that you buy at the vending machines, except they’re served piping hot.

“how’re you feeling?”

“i told you i was going to get sick if we had the water that cold.” you huff, averting your gaze in a fit.

“not my problem you can’t take a little temperature difference”

“a little? that shit was freezing! how the hell can you take water that cold?”

“how can you not?”

you chuckle a little, shifting to stare up at the ceiling.

“don’t you have paperwork to do?”

“you know i don’t do paperwork. sure as hell not gonna start doing it now.” benimaru huffs, kicking his boots off by the door. you can hear his clothes rustling and your head snaps to face him. he shoots you a glare, as though to scold you. it’s dripping on his face. ‘really? you’re so eager.’

“move up.” he cocks his head to the side, motioning for you to move over. you shift up, room spinning a little too much for your tastes. the mattress dips with his weight and his right arm (our left) reflexively hangs in the air for you to dip your head into the crook of where his shoulder and collarbone meet. he discards his navy kimono, the article of clothing hangs on one of the hooks at the back of your door. it’s probably not much comfort for him to be relaxing in a bed with half of his uniform still on.

you squish your face against his hard chest, head rising and falling in time with his breathing. the said arm relaxes and his hand rests against your shoulder. subsequently, you realise this is the first time you’ve seen him fully without his kimono on. at the very least, he’d still have the other sleeve on.

benimaru notices your blatant staring at his other arm. he can’t comprehend why you’d gawk at it now, since he’s used it plenty of times to choke you.

he hums a small ‘hm’ in question, asking you what you’re so fascinated about. you can feel his voice thrum and rock against his chest, it sends small shivers licking your body that he doesn’t miss.

“you look so funny without your kimono on. why don’t you wear it like this more often?” you drag your nails softly against his biceps. there’s a small groan that hisses from him. as you await his response, you outline a large vein that runs from his upper arm and trails down all the way to his wrist.

“i get cold easily.”

“then why did you take a shower with me?”

“are you hearing yourself?”

surely a little bit of his body temperature was enough to sacrifice. even if it meant he was sneezing a little bit and shivering afterwards.

“seriously? you can take a tranquiliser but you can’t stand a little cold?”

“you’ll make a shitty wife if you can’t even keep me warm.”

“beni!” you hiss at benimaru in appaul, craning your face up to guffaw at him. the manners on him sometimes are despicable.

you pout, shifting your upper weight to flick benimaru in between his eyebrows. he screws his face in mutiny, lips curled into a scowl.

you and him both know that if it were anyone else flicking him like that, they’d be sent crashing through six different blocks of houses down the street.

“oi.” he warns you, tutting.

“konro come by and work some voodoo magic bullshit on you? ‘cause you’re testing your luck by pissing me off. you’re such a menace when you’re sick, it’s unbelievable.”

you hum in awe, inching your face closer towards his. there’s a wave of mockery that paints your face green and you can only laugh at the unrest that swirls in benimaru’s eyes.

he won’t have his pet talking down to him like that. no, no. that just won’t do.

“oh? really? you want me to do it again?” you flash him a cocky smirk, digits curled into a flicking position. you rest the bridge of your middle finger against benimaru’s forehead, slicking some of his charcoal stained locks out the way.

his left hand flies to catch your hand in an instant. with just two of his fingers, he can wrap himself around your wrist. his touch is assertive, firm. he can drag you the fuck away from him as he pleases, but there’s no real malice or force behind him just yet.

“yeah? try me.” he barks, peering down at you through his lashes.

you just might.

[throwawaywhumper]

Part 7: 1-in-3

Content: Creepy whumper, non-con drugging, needles, implied death

FF Masterpost

<- prev || next ->

Warm bodies pressed against each other, the lights flashing, music booming, and the drinks flowing free, whumpee wouldn't want to be anywhere else usually. This place was heaven.

But this pounding headache was making it feel more like hell.

They hadn't even had so much as a sip or anything this evening, but the world was spinning around them like they were wasted. They pushed their way through the crowd, and out the nearest exit as soon as they could until they collapsed against a brick wall. Everything was so right till it had gone so wrong, what was happening? Their heartbeat was quickening, the throbbing in their head only seemed to get worse and a high-pitched ringing in their ears brought them to their knees.

"Hey, are you okay? You don't look too good, and this isn't the safest place for a rest..."

"Huh?" Whumpee looked up, but even as their vision blurred, they could just hardly make out someone dressed in a paramedic gear. Oh, were they talking to them?

"I-I think I need help, please..." Whumpee whimpered. "My friend's, inside dr-drinking..."

"Don't worry, I'll send someone in to let them know what's going on and they'll be out here with you in a second. But you need help now, I've got stuff right here to help. Who knows, it could be a medical emergency, maybe a bad dizzy spell... "

Whumpee hugged the brick wall, unable to think straight. They nodded gently, trying to prevent any further damage. "Whatever's going on, please make it stop so I can just like, go home..."

"No problem." The stranger gave a smile, but even through whumpee's blurred vision, they could tell something was slightly off. They reached into their bulky medical bag, and pulled out three vials of clearish-colored-liquid. "We're going to play a little game."

"Huh?" Whumpee shifted, sitting with their back against the wall to stay upright. They were feeling feverish and sweaty, but feelings of confusion were winning out more than anything. "No, no no games. Just give me what I need so I can leave..."

"I'm afraid that would ruin the point of the game." The stranger shook their head. "So listen closely, because you're only going to get instructions once. At some point this evening, you've been administered a lethal drug. It doesn't take very long to kill, and judging by your current condition, you don't have much longer left."

"What? What's- I, I don't..." Whumpee tried to crawl off to the side, but even the smallest movements made their head spin like crazy again. The stranger squatted down beside them, casually shifting them back into a sitting position.

"But, one of these vials," They continued, "has an antidote that will save your life. A bit of a rare commodity, and it's the only thing that will save your life in time. As far as the other vials go, one is rubbing alcohol, and the other is just plain old water. It's your choice, choose any one of these. If you choose right congrats, you win!"

"You're a damn liar..." Whumpee mumbled quietly. They would've yelled for help, but there was no one around. Even the small sentences they could get out only caused more pain, they were alone here with this madman.

"Even if I am, is that a chance you're willing to take?" That stupid smile suddenly seemed much more genuine as it delighted in the misery of the other. "I'm just as happy to sit here and watch you die."

Whumpee started to shake, they could feel themselves growing weaker. It'd been a rough week, all they wanted was one night out dancing with their friends to unwind. Why did things have to end up like this? They couldn't die, not like this.

"Why...why are you doing this to me?" Whumpee cried. "Who are you? I don't understand!"

"Time's running out, dear." The stranger tapped their foot on the ground casually.

"Fuck you...fuck! Fine, I choose..." Whumpee looked over the vials. Only one of them would save their life, but they all looked exactly the same in the moonlit alleyway. They reached out, pointing to the one closest to them. "That one."

"Are you sure about that?"

Whumpee felt their face growing wet, though they couldn't tell if it was with tears or sweat at this juncture. "Fuck you, just give it here..."

"No worries, I'll administer it for you." The stranger rummaged around in his bag for just a moment before pulling a syringe with a long needle.

Whumpee's face paled, and for the first time, they knew their rapid shaking had nothing to do with whatever drug was in their system. "G-get that away from me..."

"What's the matter? Scared of a little needle?" The stranger chuckled as they sucked the liquid out of the vial with the device. "You should see the way your pupils dilated, the fear on you right now...you're a work of art. Let's find out if you live through this, hm?"

"No, no please don't, stop I'll do anything..." Whumpee pressed as far against the wall as they could as the needle approached, but there was nowhere they could run as the needle poked against the vulnerable skin of their neck, teasing at the surface.

"You said you'll do anything...does that include dying?" The stranger was close now, far too close. Whumpee hated how the warmth from their body reminded of them of the closeness back indoors, where they were supposed to be. Not here, wasting away in an alley on death's door. They squeezed their eyes tight, their breathing shallow.

"I d-don't want to die. Not like this..."

The stranger smiled. "Well, you've got a one-in-three chance of living. Let's see if luck is on your side tonight."

Whumpee winced as the needle slowly pierced their skin. It didn't matter what was in that vial, it could've been ice water and it still would've burned like hell. There was nothing else, no pain, no headaches, just the horrible, intrusive metal inside of them.

Sebastian watched with fascination as the stranger in front of them froze up, no doubt they'd be going into shock soon if they'd made the wrong choice. After making sure the liquid was injected completely, he disposed the needle beside the body. There was probably plenty of needles in that alley anyways, he imagined. He dipped back into his back and pulled out his fountain pen. It seemed as though whumpee was already losing consciousness which would make drawing the symbol much much easier this time. Maybe on the neck this time, right on top of the injection site? He brushed their hair back from their face, feeling the cold of death slowly wash over them.

"Don't worry dear, your pain is not for nothing. You've made a beautiful monument here tonight, whether you live, or die."

፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧፧

Tag List: @whatwasmyprevioususername, @whumpsday