#just sometimes it’s like wow ok
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when people make hcs ab bpd it makes my head hurt
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EXTREMELY REAL MOMENT FROM HIRANO HERE
#'people actually want to kiss the ppl they like?? i thought they made that up??? um. ok now how much of a freak does that make me'#what if they made a character so aroacespec. im not joking this chapter (25) alone is such proof in my mind#im sure plenty of ppl read this and went 'wow the extent of his denseness or whatever is genuinely frustrating' but i have literally done#this many times. i am shaking hands with him emphatically he's literally me i love him. if you've never googled if smth you've heard about#your whole life is actually normal (followed up by 'is it wrong to. Not??') you simply will never understand him like i do#his combo of being super intentionally thoughtful and also never considering things like this are just peak. what a guy#cannot stress enough that this is just about the concept of ppl wanting to kiss each other at all. 25 chapters in#look sometimes you gotta sit down and try to solve a sexuality crisis via increasingly desperate google searches about normalcy. anyway#hirano to kagiura#hirano taiga#sitting around a table w your friends talking about their love lives and going wait they didn't make that up for movies?? also been there#took kagiura's 'i want to marry him i'm in love w him but i haven't even thought about kissing him until now oh god' thing to the next leve#he is SO lost. somebody help him
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Me, fully prepared to be a little ass: If I were a horrible person and killed a bunch of people, would you report me to the police? lol
My older brother: Even if you were a monster, i'd protect you. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to hate or punish you. You turning out that way would be my fault because I should've been a better sibling. In the end, you'll always be my responsibility, and more importantly, my younger brother. I'll always love you.
Me, about to fucking bawl my eyes out: Hey what the fuck
so anyways after careful consideration and recollecting, that's how i came to the devastating realization that my older brother was a yue qingyuan kinnie.
#it was smth like that#sometimes i'm like ''wow are peoples older brothers usually so rodrick-y or asshole-y??'' and i look at my older brother#who gets sad when i don't want him to buy anything for me#also it was things like#'im to blame so don't worry about it ok?' 'it was my fault so dont worry. do you want to eat out?' etc#and i was like ''man this sounds like some yqy dialogue'' and boom#yes he's the eldest#he's like... way older than me lol#anyways i love my big bro sm#hes a very good brother#last week he treated me out to ice cream and ramen#we're about to finish arcane together!!#those rare times when i don't wanna hang out with him he has the energy of a sopping wet puppy that just got kicked#yue qingyuan#svsss
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falls to the floor and saves myself from the awkwardness of losing followers for having opinions they did not like (which is valid of them btw curate ur own online experience) by blocking everyone in a ten mile radius and by everyone i mean two people to spare myself
#weeping sobbing crying#it’s so awkward#but kinda ironic ig due to certain factors#guess it wasn’t meant to be#it’s ok tho#no hate here just. ough. wow that’s awkward.#hope they’re doing chill i just cannot stand to see someone in my followed tags knowing they unmutualed me it’s like getting a divorce and#seeing them at a grocery store#this wouldn’t be the case for like so many mutuals but it was so awkward how it happened#granted we’d had many disagreements before that didn’t need to happen#sometimes people clash and that’s ok BUT HOLY SHIT THATS SO AWKWARD TO REALIZE#LIKE OH. The purple was replaced with Green. shame proceeds to occur#heavily so :’)#very tense past few days between us though so i guess that’s fair. on their part#good 4 them tbh. i believe in curating your own online experience. i am glad they did that for themselves#BUT THE PAINNNN#bread emoji#they were very nice btw#no harm towards them#leaving them anonymous to make sure of that fact#even tho i hate vagueposting 😭#if you know who they are then don’t be mean or whatever#very nice mutualship we had when it lasted and i appreciate that :)#and i am glad for that experience as well#hope they’re doing ok!!!! and enjoying life#bc they deserve it!!!!
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honestly i do really hope my book gets published and/or adapted one day bc the fandom that exists in my head is. So Good
#i just sit here all day Fantasizing#making up fake edits about my hot ladies#like yeah actually i do want to see edits of my alcoholic drummer girlfriend who’s fucking ripped. thank u#and sometimes i’m writing like ‘wow it would be so cute if someone wrote a fanfic about this moment that i’m alluding to’#it’s ok. i am my own fandom
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Holding out hope that the writing in veilguard will get more bearable but rook saying to lucanis that it's "not nice that Spite hurt him" and he "shouldn't accept that it’s fine bc it wouldn't be ok if a person did that" like. That is a demon. Built off a single emotion called SPITE. Rook I am finding it really hard to believe that u have lived in thedas for more than 30 seconds.
#wow the demons which are one of the consistently evil forces in these games did something bad#hey players do you know that that was not nice#ok thank you. do u think I am 4#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#also grinding my gears that everyone (including dalish elves???) just immediately accept the evanuris are evil/have come back#like the first person to not immediately believe it is the first warden and honestly he is the only character so far I respect#like maybe if this was like inquisition and a huge hole in the sky/rifts opened everywhere#but it seems like nothing like that happened but everyone somehow magically knows about the ritual and instantly believes everything rook sa#the more I think about these things the more annoyed I get#guys did you know being a leader means u sometimes need to make hard decisions... varric taught me that in my ma15+ game#i am enjoying the combat at least lol and I like Bellara and want to see Babylon so I'm in it for the long haul#why does everyone have a gun to their head making them nice though like it's so painfully out of place sometimes#and being able to only say the same thing but in a slightly boring slightly funny or slightly serious way is driving me insane#like I seem to be the only one who had no problem w the limits on dialogue in inquisition but this is driving me insane#Mourn watch rook what if you were somehow boring and nice. yay thank you bioware#ALSO rook stop talking and forming opinions without me getting to choose what u say like no I don't want u to day we have to save that perso#ok I swear I'm done now.. I need to go back to writing my thesis instead of grinding my teeth about this game#this is all coming from an inquisition enjoyer as well (sorry) but like so far I have found nothing I enjoyed about inquisition in this game#maybe if the inquisitor and Ghilan'nain are cool latee on I can focus on that (big maybe)#I am only early on still (just met first warden) so there is still time... i guess..
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“Soooo,” Ava can’t stop herself from dangling dangerously over the stool, “anything that I shouldn’t be around?” She doesn’t quite want to mention the time she blew out the power in the area when she had tried her first greenhouse strawberry. The sucker was juicy and the perfect blend of tartness. It’s not Ava’s fault everything about it made her combust. She can still fondly recall the texture of its skin, firm yet pliable to her teeth. The juice staining her lips and teeth in such a hungry way she forgot she was starving.
Beatrice pauses, as if accessing the question with her entire body, her cells running around to come to one conclusion together. It was funny to watch unfold, the monotony of cleaning the hardware screeching to a stop for Ava’s question. All cells in motion halting for her.
Beatrice stands up stiffly, Ava shouldn’t notice, but she can see the way she favors her right side. She cringes at the memory, ripping through flesh, tearing and scraping her way out of Beatrice’s abdomen. She doesn’t want to linger on the feeling, the Halo pulsing in her veins, the adrenaline racing through her.
Beatrice walks around her in a methodical fashion, Ava almost expects her to reach out and touch her but it never happens. Ava’s nervous, there’s such a vulnerable thing about being seen. Maybe Beatrice will see Ava, the aloof lighthearted girl, or maybe she will see Ava. (Or worse, she’ll see something that Ava can’t). It’s unnerving, Beatrice eyes her in such a consuming way Ava almost feels like they’re about to go for a round 2.
Her heart races at the prospect and Ava can feel her bones start to lock up when Beatrice nods, “Me.”
Ava does fall out of her stool.
#tko_writes#huh looked back at my written works and thought wow these are really good who wrote this#why did they stop writing???#anyway#Losers! Find Me Serenading Your Fabulous Mother au#space au how i've missed you#I think i have to rewrite you for a 3rd fucking time#which will be painful#hahahah#lets hope i do it right this time#got shaken out of my depression because of hopecore#like this will pass#and I should enjoy the moment#things are changing and nothing will ever be the same and that's ok#sometimes that's just how it is#I do also want to get back into writing#I just need to show up ugly scared and hard#STOP PERFECTION AND tell a story#they don't know i know this but Beatrice is being 100% becuz [spoiler spoiler spoiler spoiler] anyway
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i will go to my first ever gay date with courage! i will not overthink it! i will not get bi imposter syndrome! i will not tell myself im meant to only ever be with a man! i will just follow my heart and my pussy and live my life! a gender is just a gender! a date with two girls is still a date! i am allowed to date girls! i will not get brainworms!
#the hardest thing is i keep thinking ‘but you’ve never liked a girl like her before’#‘she’s femme and you’ve never liked femmes! you can’t trust what you’re feeling!’#but i have liked girls exactly like her before!!!!!#literally one of the cool guitarist women who i found on instagram and who turned me gay!! looks so much like her and has the same vibe!!#also it doesn’t matter!! i’m bi i am attracted to lots of people!#but sometimes my brain can’t get with the program on that#who knows maybe i’ll go out with her and feel nothing and have a crisis#and that’s ok!!#i kinda doubt it rn tho cuz she’s so beautiful wowwwwwwwwwww wow wow#and if i feel a certain way now and a different way later that’s ok!!#that doesn’t mean i was wrong! that just means my feelings changed!#ok hype speech done i’m gonna refer back to this later before i get there#wish me luck <3#bisexual#wlw#internalized homophobia#internalized biphobia#rambling
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So I put on this netflix show, in their tradition of being extremely obvious with names its called Mech Cadets, and its an alien-mecha human-pilot fight-the-giant-bug-aliens story. My first complaint is that the alien mechas are called Robo's. Wow exciting /sarcasm. Anyway thats totally forgiven because 1 the story actually makes choices and puts the characters through consequences instead of like hinting at oh it something bad gonna happen psych we dont have the guts for that. Its a kid/teen show so its not super dark but it follows through and goes the places it needs to.
2, and maybe most importantly, I gotta talk about the disability rep. There's four teens chosen by the alien mechs to be their drift-compatible pilots (I think im using that correctly? Im not super informed on the genre but I know some), and we see straight away that one of the guys has a prosthetic leg from the thigh down, and uses it as an example to tell the main protagonist, hey none of us are perfect we dont have to be perfect we just need to be human. The next episode the mechas are given human-designed weapons to fight with, and the disabled kid gets these flippy sticks I cant quite work out. One of them gets a staff, the other gets this glove for punching, story moves on. Then a bug-alien-antagonist gets into the teens dorm and while fighting it, the alien dismembers the guys prosthetic. He immediately grabs his crutches and goes to town on it with his crutches, and balancing on them to kick with his one good foot*. Then they disconnect the rest of the prosthetic and use its sharp edge to kill the alien. And then he just moves around on his crutches with no comment and Ill cut myself off there so I dont spoil the whole thing.
Except, a couple episodes later, Im watching him in the mech fighting and moving around, and I realise that his giant fuck-off monster attacking weapons ARE A PAIR OF CRUTCHES. Theyre his fucking WEAPONS. Thats cool as fuck!
#is it mech and not mecha and im making a fool of myself? I just cant quite bear to call them Robos im sorry#Mech Cadets#Theres more nice stuff about the disability rep but I want to leave some surprises for y'all when you watch it#The animation is ok theres one character who's face sometimes looks a bit plastic and moves a bit janky imho but otherwise its alright#I also definitely want more about the robos as people because theyre intelligent but theyre also a bit treated like machines#and not sentient beings#but they clearly are sentient#theres definitely themes happening about how alive they are but its not properly dug into yet. if they get a second season I definitely wan#more on them#like why did they just show up to earth to partner with people and fight the bug aliens? where are they from? whats their motivation?#but in a I want more world building way not in a wow this is shit world building way#anyway#mine#disability rep#disability representation#its got some really fun vibes#*his one foot. he doesnt have a good foot and a bad foot he just has a foot. getting him mixed in my head with Kaz Brekker and his cane
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AC broke and it's 90 degrees fahrenheit in my house rn the only thing keeping me from losing it is remembering most places in fallout probably don't have ac either
#boiling alive and im like “ok well i bet my silly oc has been through this too...wow this is just like-”#sometimes i question if im actually autistic then i do shit like this#ready to peel off my skin#fallout new vegas#fnv#fallout#how do they survive out there
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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Brain I know you want to integrate homestuck lingo/terms/quotes etc into my vocabulary and I will eventually come to terms with the fact that trying to stop this is like trying to stop a fish from swimming, but if you are going to be doing this can you at least remember other stuff Terezi has said instead of just going “H3Y COOL K1D!” in a Terezi voice and just stopping from there? Like it’s awkward for both me not knowing where to go from here and for anyone around me not knowing where the bits going. Please just learn more dialogue so we’re not stuck saying the same thing over and over.
#ugh I hate how my brain gets sometimes when it finds a new main interest#like I know it’s going to happen. it happened with tf2. it happened with wow. it happened with 40K. still is annoying at times#I’m well past denial now I just wish the transition and inclusion would be easier for lack of a better word#ok tag time. if you are a git who actually reads my tags please just throw some scraps of Terezi quotes my way so I can stop threatening my#brain with 1 days worth of just ork content to try and wrangle the zogging thing#homestuck#terezi pyrope#brain problems#(think I might make that a tag I use for when I’m ranting about my brain being an idiot idk I’ll see where it goes)
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(click for better resolution, etc.)
#adamandi#ambrose wellington bassford#infer as you will i suppose. wanted to draw a statue ambrose but accidentally painted it because smth smth blending fits him#again. main things taken from lyrics of the actual show ++ this definition i checked with google because i didn't remember it off the top#of my head. but Thoughts indeed#sfgdhhdf ok hello i am back today has been a Day (not very good) (oh well) (small mercies) ...#did not expect the melliot to find this so quickly but since i guess the Official Tumblr has reblogged it i'll just edit this one.#as opposed to reuploading. o//o#i painted it at 2am on impulse and have very little recollection of the whole event -? and then in a fit of pique added words and posted it#it is Very different from the original draft. i'd like to maybe do that one justice someday... anyways something something sometimes#a piece of art you make organically Evolves of its own volition... anyways.#maybe i'm projecting but recently (tuesday?) i found out something Important i had in the works Collapsed in the kiln#kaboom. ah the perils of ceramics. anyway thanks to the messed up 3d of everything i'm working on rn (the pros and cons of visual art subj#is that you get to make art for a grade) and. ceramics and sculpture and classics etcetera. <blinks> wow i really latched on to art aspects.#but nevertheless! ambrose brainrot real. iirc my thoughts were smth like. most strongly. that contrapposto? based on my school art history#was that it evolved from the very neutral rigid ancient greek sculptures of people which were all about Mathematical Symmetry. because#the main thing about contrapposto was that it reflected irl people more... more life-like? so it's very ironic to me#that Alive ambrose went and tried to turn himself into a statue. with part of the draw being contrapposto.. like?????#ah yes you like this sculpture because it's lifelike. and you'd rather be a sculpture than alive huh. the contrasts are !! in my head#also maybe i just.. wanted to paint... idk i had ambrose on the brain yesterday and it was something about sculptural messed up perfection#fun fact!!! the skin and hair i all greyed out to look like marble. fun fact number two: he has no eyes in this. like no pupils :3#fun fact number 3 (irrelevant) marble statues are only common wrt ancient greece bc the romans iirc came along and repurposed the bronzes.#because apparently bronze was a Hot Commodity at the time. and in return to preserve the art they made marble replicas. so most marble#ancient greek statues are apparently copies and the originals had totally different aesthetics#fun fact number 4: the background is a very greyed out image of my broken ceramics.. i wanted something nice to come out of it at least#fun fact number 5: i wanted to make him crack. like shattered ceramic or smth. that was the original idea. but instead it went to the pretty#sculpture route... kinda wanna make the messed up one though!!#fun fact number 6! because of Art Studio i'm covered in white paint and like it doesn't come off so it's been on my fingers and arms and#basically everywhere. so flesh turning into white stuff aes is fascinating i wanna explore... fun fact no.7.. i have accidentally maybe#began using screenshots as drawing practice. idk what to do with this info. if anything nice turns up ig i'll post it maybe
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I hope picking the Male Rover from Wuthering Waves is the reason I sort out my gender situation bcs that would be a pretty funny way for that to happen
#currently im forever in a loop of 'genderfluid or gnc cis girl' and the former often branches into 'ok but what ARE the genders in ur fluid'#and what most often messes me up are my pronouns. im not attached to she/her but the idea of changing it or even saying idc --#-- doesn't cause strong feelings for me either way. so i just keep using she/her#anyway a long time ago when wuwa was still barely in beta i saw male rover & thought 'wow rare male mc i prefer to the fem one'#'surely he/him won't be jarring for a game. i'll just name him angkasa like my mom would've named me as a boy so i can have some distance'#fast forward to now where i use angkasa as a second name and have this gender predicament happening. and wuwa's releasing soon.#why did i write all this <- guy who's procrastinating from doing lineart#(see. see how sometimes i say guy & sometimes girl. & sometimes i can't figure it out so is that its own gender or lack of gender or??)#i WAS gonna let this rot in drafts but yknow what. maybe my confusion is amusing to someone. woe! scattered thoughts be upon ye
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i do love how no one in game ever spares more than a single thought about the other vampire spawn being able to misty escape if you walk too close with something like the light of lathander equipped. astarion has ONE line about it
and then… nothing. should we not be a little more worried about the teleporting vampire spawn? or even wonder why they can teleport suddenly?
did cazador grant them a new power so that they can hunt during the day, like we see there in the flophouse? why would he try to have the six spawn left speedrun the last few victims needed for the ritual if astarion went missing with the final necessary component?
and is this why they’re all so willing to believe cazador will keep his word and set them free when he subverts undeath? because he’s just given them a small token of freedom, the ability to navigate during the day so long as they stay out of direct sunlight? and how did he do it?? much to think about.
#i do love act 3 but man. sometimes it just seems comical how everyone is like OK! so this is a thing now!#like astarion finding out there’s just massive art deco ruins under szarr manor and just going ‘wow! this makes sense’#DOES IT THOUGH?#there’s barely any explanation for that AND larian left a broken puzzle in another section of the ruins#astarion ancunin#astarion bg3#i know that chamberlain’s diary says he’s afraid cazador will make him stand in for astarion but idk. who even was that guy really
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Kinda fucked up how all the people I know are like "Yeah I know what I want in my life. I want to work in X field and I want/don't want a long-term partner who I'm going to marry, I want kids and-"
and I'm there just like 🧍
#like wow ok#i have no idea what i want man I'm just doing what's required of me#or more like i think i know some of the things i want but I'm actively beating them up every day and instead choosing#what i consider to be my duty#like yeah I really want to work in design and you know the dream is character design and concept art but that's unrealistic#and any design would do. but that's selfish so like lol no. psychology it is. social work if i fail at that. it's an acceptable#compromise. it's not what I want but it is what i am ok with subjecting myself to.#whenever it looks like I might fail a class at university i get really anxious but also really excited#because on one hand I'm failing to take care of my duties and responsibilities. on the other if they kicked me out nobody could#say i didn't try. i could just say that I'm too stupid. i could say that i don't have what it takes. id be a failure but not out of my#volition. they could tell me that im stupid or inferior but they couldn't label me selfish.#and then id just fuck off to work as a florist or maybe id just work in a smokes shop or anything low stakes like that#while I'd be looking for a job in design. hell i don't even need a job in that field; id love to just work a simple job where after clocking#out i could just go home and partake in my hobbies. like i wouldn't even need to have it as my field of work id be perfectly#content with posting character designs online and sometimes getting a small buck by selling pins and dolls and etc#that's definitely what i want in life. but that's fucked up and selfish and would make me a failure and then i would never#be able to even dream of earning humanity. so. doing my duty it is
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