#just realized these are all university bls

[ficsbyrike]

Your Possessiveness Will be the Death of Me

pairing: caleb x reader

TW: graphic descriptions of blood and injuries, toxic relationships

Summery: caleb won’t let you go to the hospital

Word count: 3,833

Notes: I promised someone that my next Caleb fanfic would be fluff but apparently I am incapable of writing anything happy 😭😭 might be a little ooc

A wanderer. Claws. The stinging feeling on your abdomen. The rest was a blur.

The city had recently become more dangerous with an increase of wanderer sightings. You thought—foolishly—that because of your hunter training, this wouldn’t affect you in any significant way. More on site work, perhaps, but nothing more than a minor inconvenience. It never occurred to you that you could become a victim of a wanderer yourself.

You had been walking down the street when out of nowhere, in a cruel sneak attack, a wanderer had jumped out and ambushed you. Rendered defenseless for a few moments, it was able to leave a pretty nasty gash on your abdomen before it was promptly dealt with.

It stung badly.

It felt as if the sky was very low. It was cold as shit out. You could see your hot breath rise up in puffs of white through the inky black sky, and as if the universe conspired to spite you even more, it had begun snowing.

Your blood glistened brightly in the neon lights of the city.

It was around 2:30 in the morning. You have to be up early tomorrow. God…

You raked your brain for a moment. The warm blood seeping between your fingers made it hard to focus.

Linkon Hospital was too far away for you to walk to without collapsing half way through. And, in some cruel joke, your phone had been smashed on the pavement while you were fighting the wanderer so there was no way you could call anyone for help.

You only had one option. But it was your last resort.

Caleb lived close by, but he didn’t want to see you. It wasn’t just a hunch or a feeling, you knew. Although he didn’t outright say it, you ended on pretty bad terms last time you saw each other. Regrettable words were thrown, tears were shed. Even though Caleb tried to explain himself—why he left, why he lied about being dead—you called the conversation there, saying you weren’t in the mood to fight anymore. Since then, Caleb has sent you countless text messages in hopes of staying in touch. At first, he would apologize continuously. Then, when he perhaps realized that his attempts were futile, he resorted to simply sending short messages about how his day went, what interesting things he saw today, and good morning good night texts. You pridefully ignored all of the messages. They angered you, even. You felt as if he was trying to guilt you into forgiving him by using his status as a long-time best friend and pretending like nothing was wrong.

He knows what he did. And you couldn’t forgive him that easily.

With those thoughts in mind, you promptly blocked his number until further notice. Although sometimes you wondered whether he was still sending you messages despite knowing they weren’t getting through to you.

If you showed up at his door now, would he turn you away? Even if he was angry at you, he wouldn’t turn away a shivering, injured woman. Right? But even if he didn’t, it would be so awkward to confront the issue with him again. Perhaps you just won’t say anything unless he brings it up himself. Still, he could simply shut the door in your face and leave you on the street. And he had every right to do so, with the way you’ve been treating him. You probably would have done the same in his situation. Probably.

Swallowing your last bit of pride, you began shuffling over to Caleb’s residence, your hand pressed tightly against the fresh wound. He had sent you his new address during one of his routinely text messages, and you had unconsciously memorized it because it was a part of town you always passed by to get to the train station.

With every step you took, you felt pressure in your wound. It would open up again and again and fresh blood would seep in between your fingers. This only made you more antsy and you felt your heart speed up.

After what felt like an excruciatingly long walk, you finally stood at the front door of Caleb’s house. It was cute. A townhouse surrounded by similar looking buildings in the middle of the city. Even though the others had distinctions about them—flower beds hanging out windows, chairs and fairy lights dotting the balconies—Caleb’s house was the one with the least character. It stood there, gray with no lights in any of the windows, as if he had only just moved in a few days ago.

You brought your hand up to knock on the door, but then you hesitated. You were angry at him, but that was fine because you knew that sooner or later you would forgive him. But you couldn’t have the same assurance that he would forgive you.

You shook your head, eracing the image of Caleb’s darkened eyes from your mind, and knocked.

Whatever happens happens.

For a few moments, there was silence. It would only be natural if he had gone to sleep, considering the deep hours of the night. But then, to your surprise, you heard the noise of shuffling coming from the inside, followed by another short silence. Just as you thought that he was ignoring you, the door swung open, revealing Caleb’s tall frame in the doorway.

He was a bit paler since the last time you saw him. And a bit thinner too. You guessed it was just in your nature to worry about him, as you had done so many times in the past.

It was still cold as shit out. Your thin hunter uniform is doing little to protect you from the chilly air. But somehow, your skin still felt hot. Snowflakes still slowly glided down into your hair.

You cleared your throat, “Caleb.”

Just as the words had left your mouth, you wished for the earth below you to open up and swallow you whole. You come to his front door in the middle of the night looking like hell—exhausted, dirty, blood pouring out of your side and your nose—and the only word you can manage is his name? Were you stupid?

You scanned Caleb’s eyes for any emotions. Was he angry? Or at least disappointed in you?

He didn’t speak for a moment, his gaze falling onto your wound. You shifted self consciously.

“What happened to you?”

His question caught you off guard, prompting you to look up at him again.

“I got into a fight.”

“Yeah, I can tell. You look like shit,” he said, and you sighed.

Surely this was the same Caleb you knew. He wouldn’t just leave you out here.

“Does it hurt?” He asks.

You swiftly shake your head.

“It's minor. I’m not crippled. I’ll live,” you lie through your teeth, “can I crash at your place? I’ll be out of your hair by morning. It’s really cold out here.”

You dragged your one of your hands against the bottom of your nose, smudging the blood pooling there.

Caleb stepped aside, a familiar smirk decorating his face, “be my guest.”

***

Caleb’s residence was just as barren inside as it was outside. Only the bare necessities scattered his living room. But it was warm.

You tried taking off your shoes, but with your wound, it was a little hard to do. Once Caleb saw you struggling, he quickly leaned down and helped you.

“Thanks. Do you by chance have any disinfectant? And some gauze?”

“I thought you said it didn’t hurt.”

“No. It seriously doesn’t.”

“Don’t lie to me missy. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Go sit on the couch.”

You did as he commanded, stumbling over to the couch before sitting down. Momentarily, there was the sound of running water and soon enough, Caleb came back with a clean, wet towel. He tried to gently lift up your shirt, but your hand stopped him.

“I’m fine. Really. Can I sleep on your couch? I’m really tired.”

Caleb’s worried eyes met yours, “you are not fine. You’re bleeding all over my floor. Stop being so stubborn and work with me here, yeah?”

He spoke in that same friendly voice, but it was obvious that there was concern in his expression.

You gently let go of his wrist with some hesitation, biting your bottom lip as he pulled your shirt over your head, discarding it somewhere on the couch next to him. Your wound was now completely exposed, along with your bare stomach. You knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, but just having the wound out in the open was enough to put you on edge.

He inspected your injury. His brow furrowed before he brought the damp towel to your skin. You hissed and recoiled slightly. Caleb flinched, but held the towel gently in place.

“Sorry pipsqueak. It’s gonna hurt no matter what. Just… squeeze my arm if it gets too much.”

You didn’t say anything.

Caleb’s touch was warm. You felt his soft fingers on the tender skin of your side. It almost made you shiver.

“Why didn’t you call me sooner? Any later, and you would’ve bled out on the goddamn street,” he murmurs, and for a moment, you didn't know how to reply.

“My phone broke,” You say dumbly.

Then there was silence for a few moments. It was quiet. The only sound was his steady breathing and the clock ticking as the seconds slipped by.

“Are you angry?” You ask when he didn’t say anything.

Caleb shook his head, “no. You have every right to want to avoid me,” he sighed, “I just wish I wasn’t your last option.”

Silence again. Tik-tok… tik-tok…

“I thought you might turn me away,” you finally admitted.

“You know I wouldn’t let you bleed out on my doorstep. No matter how angry I get at you.”

“No, I don’t know that,” you whisper, “I feel like I don’t really know you anymore…”

Caleb finally looks up at you, a hint of hurt betrayed in his eyes, “Do you think… you think I changed that much?”

“I don’t know. But the Caleb I knew would never pretend to be dead for a whole year, leaving me by myself. So, yeah… I guess I don’t really know you anymore.”

“You had other people to turn to for help.”

“Sure. But in the end, who’s taking care of me?”

Caleb sighs again and turns back to your wound. Although he is trying to seem preoccupied, you can tell that he has a lot on his mind.

“We’ll continue this conversation later,” he finally says, “for now, let’s take care of your wound, yeah? The bleeding hasn’t stopped yet. I’ll need some water to wipe you down and see how deep your injury really is. Let me take you to the bathroom. It’ll be easier to do this there.”

Caleb helps you up. Then, he helps you walk over to the bathroom, his arm wrapped around your upper torso firmly but gently. Then, when he’s sure that you are able to stand upright on your own, he meticulously picks out the temperature of the water, making sure it’s not too hot or too cold.

He soaks the towel under the thin stream of water. Your old blood dyes the sink red, leaving a gruesome sight.

You feel dizzy from the blood loss. And slightly sleepy too. You grab onto the edge of the skin in an attempt to pull yourself together. The dim, buzzing light and the splashing of water continuously lull you to sleep.

Finally, when Caleb decided that he got most of the blood out from the towel, he wrings it, and brings it up to your wound again.

You take a sharp breath, colorful curses spilling out of your mouth unchecked, “haah… Caleb…”

He gently wipes away at the edges of the wound, trying hard to be as tender as possible. Despite this, he cleans up your wound with practiced efficiency leaving you to wonder how many times he has patched himself up during dark nights like these.

“You’re doing well,” Caleb says, running the towel under clean water again.

The cycle repeats a few times. By the time Caleb deems that he had cleaned the wound thoroughly enough, you are standing there, subtly trembling in pain. The sink, the floor, and both yours and Caleb’s hands are covered in your blood. You hope that it looks worse than it actually is.

“How is it?” You ask finally.

Caleb rustles through one of the storage compartments, and takes out fresh white gauze. However, your blood on his hands stains it as soon as he touches the bandages.

“It’s pretty deep. You’ll need to take it easy for a while,” he says.

Gritting your teeth as he wraps the gauze around your abdomen, you hold your breath.

“Relax,” Caleb utters, “the worst part is over.”

He wraps the gauze around you a few more times before securing it with a little bow at the end.

“There. Good as new.”

He lets out a sharp sigh, dusting his hands off like a mechanic, and straightens out to look at you again.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. But I’m worried. Should I go to the hospital?”

“No need. I’m here to take care of you, right?”

You nod.

You didn’t know what came over you then, but your body acted faster than you could think. You placed your hands on either side of his face and planted a small kiss on the edge of his lips.

He seemed stunned for a minute.

“You know I missed you, right?” You whisper, your fingers gently running through his raven hair.

“I thought you hated me,” he breaths.

“I do. But I can do both at the same time. These two things aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“I missed you too.”

“I hope you never leave again. Because I won’t forgive you a second time.”

Caleb’s eyes flicker before he leans in closer and presses a firm kiss to your lips.

God, it was as if you were made for each other.

All of these years of yearning to the most recent worries that plagued your mind came bubbling up to the surface until they finally exploded like a volcano.

He wraps his arms around you. The need for him to be closer to you became stronger, to the point where it was almost animalistic. Your exhales became his inhales as he pushed you up against the skin, deepening the kiss. Your fingers tangled within his hair, and his hands slowly mapped out the bare skin of your back. You couldn’t help but shiver.

You hated him so much. But God… it was impossible to stay away. You were drawn to him like a moth to a flame, knowing that nothing good was going to come out of this. Maybe he would hurt you again. Maybe you were stupid to come running back to him at the first sign of affection. But that didn’t matter at this moment. Right now, you only knew him. He was your world. And you were his.

“Wait, wait. Caleb,” you gasp suddenly, “fuck.”

Caleb immediately steps back as if he was burned.

“What’s wrong?”

You look down at your wound. It was still bleeding. A faint dark red color peaked out from behind the bandages, a signal to it probably opening up again.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay. It’s very late. We’re both not in our right mind,” you say, heart still hammering in your chest.

Caleb hesitantly nodded. His face and t-shirt was smudged with the blood that undoubtedly came from your hands.

“Maybe I should go to the hospital,” you say again.

A dull throb pulsed over where your wound was, and although you trust that Caleb did a good job of cleaning it, you knew that he wasn’t a medical professional. Maybe you needed stitches. It would be a shame if you bled out in Caleb’s apartment for no reason other than your own carelessness.

“Damn it,” He curses, “I should’ve been more careful, you’ll bleed through these bandages too.” Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re probably right, but I’ll be honest, I’m not really comfortable with letting you out of my sight just yet. I just… just let me try to add a few more layers of gauze, yeah? And if that doesn’t work, we’ll figure things out from there.”

Caleb takes out more gauze and wraps it around your lower torso again, a bit more tighter this time. He steps back to inspect how much of the gauze has already been bled through, his brow furrowing.

“Damn it…” he mutters.

You put your hand on his arm to stop his continuous fidgeting, “Caleb. Calm down.”

“You’re right. No… I just… You’re bleeding. How are you still bleeding? I’ve never seen you be this chill about an injury before. You remember when you were learning how to ride a bike when we were kids? You would cry so hard when you so much as scraped your knee against the pavement and would run to grandma so she could comfort you.”

“I remember. You were not the best teacher. It’s a miracle I haven’t gotten my front teeth knocked out.”

“You were sensitive as a kid.”

“I grew out of it.”

“Apparently.”

There was another pause. It seemed that every time you and Caleb found a common ground, there was something that would always bring you back and remind you that everything had changed. He was not the reckless little boy from your childhood that you remember. And, in turn, you were not the sensitive little girl that he remembers.

When did everything become so different?

Caleb’s apartment suddenly became cold again.

Caleb shook his head before speaking, “never mind. Have you had dinner? Are you hungry?”

“I don’t know if I can stomach anything right now.”

There was a beat of silence again, as if Caleb was choosing his words carefully, “not even rice? Or maybe some broth?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on. I’ll order you something. Whatever you want.”

***

Caleb lended you one of his shirts since yours was stained with blood.

As promised, he ordered you takeout from a place that worked late and forced you to eat dinner. Even though you felt a little sick, you still made yourself eat.

He didn’t have a dinner table, so you sat on the couch while Caleb fed you.

“Why don’t you have a dinner table?” You inquire, “haven’t you moved in months ago?”

“I just haven’t gotten around to it.”

It was nice to catch up with him, even though it was a little awkward at times. You would talk for a few minutes before falling into silence again. Then someone would say something and the conversation would strike up again.

No one mentioned the kiss from earlier.

The familiar and slightly domestic atmosphere was almost enough to make you forget your previous worries. Almost.

There was a slight buzzing in your head, and then a wave of dizziness overcame you, harder than before.

You calmly, although wobbly, got up from the couch, and looked down at Caleb.

“Caleb, take me to the hospital.”

Caleb followed you up, “Hold on. Wait.”

You started walking towards the door, feeling like you could collapse at any moment. Caleb beat you to the front door, blocking it with his body.

“You’re not in the condition to go anywhere. Look at you. You can barely stand!”

“Then you take me!”

“Listen. I’ll take care of everything. You can’t go anywhere, even with my help.”

“But—“

“Don’t argue with me on this, pipsqueak,” He grabbed your arm a little more forcefully then he intended, “You’re not leaving in this state. No one will take better care of you than me.”

You bite at your bottom lip. What has gotten into him? Was he really just willing to let you bleed out just because he didn’t want you to leave?

Mustering up your last bit of courage and strength, you forcefully tug back on your arm that Caleb was holding, causing him to stumble forward a few steps. The plan was to get around him when he was caught off guard, however, when you retreated your arm in such a sudden motion, the muscles on your abdomen contracted, causing you to shudder in pain.

You collapse onto the floor, unable to put up a fight any further.

“Damn it, pipsqueak. I told you not to argue with me on this.”

Caleb gently helped you up, not minding your little stunt. He helped carry you to his room, tucking you into bed, bringing the covers all the way up to your chin even though you were hot. His scent enveloped you.

He planted a gentle kiss on your forehead, “you know I only want what’s best for you.”

You nod.

You realized that perhaps you should’ve seen this coming from the very beginning. The way he clung on to you when you first came, the way he never let you out of your sight. He wouldn’t let you go now. No matter how much you struggled against him. And you couldn’t say that you hated the idea. This was the person you loved the most. The person who knew you best. The person who would take care of you better than anyone.

He was the person you turned to at the end of the day.

Caleb respectfully sat down on the floor across from you, resting his head on the edge of his bed. Lost in thought, his fingers met yours. Then he brought them up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss.

“I’m mad about you,” he whispers, “I think I’ll die if you ever continue to ignore me like you did.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. Sleep tight, pipsqueak.”

It was four in the morning and the door was closed and Caleb's breathing gradually evened out. The light sound of cars passing on the street below was the only sound. In the haziness of the deep hours of the night, you were back in grandma’s house for a moment. You had snuck into Caleb's room again because you were scared of the sound of cars outside and the shadows on the wall of your room.

The pain in your side is unbearably excruciating. You carefully peel the blanket up to see Caleb’s sheets covered in blood. Your shirt had completely soaked through, and there was no doubt that your gauze had done little to prevent the blood flow. You felt unbearably hot, and your heart was thumping out of your chest.

Without thinking much further, you covered yourself with Caleb’s blanket and turned to the side, scumming to deep sleep shortly after.

At least you were with the person who knows you best.

At least you were with the person who loves you the most.

Masterlist

[nabi-unveiled]

It's Sunday. Which brings me to the question I ask myself every week - how does someone find their own Scooby-Doo gang?

[peppermint-twst]

you’ve heard of twst characters becoming self-aware of their fictional world, now get ready for…

twst nrc student npcs becoming self-aware of the fact they have no faces…

[airenyah]

💌 Send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome. 💌 🥰🥰

Hi dear @airenyah! I miss your Sana Bakkoush header but will recognize your BBS icon and your kind online voice anywhere! 😍 Accompanying this Ask with good wishes for a beautiful springtime day, to one of the nicest people I know who also has a kind and generous heart! 💖

awwwww that's such a sweet thing of you to say 🥺🥺🥺

i saw this ask first thing in the morning after i woke up and it had me all kinds of 🥰🥰🥰

i too miss my sana bakkoush header (she looks so cute in that shot)!! usually i'd just change my icon but this is the first time since i've made this blog a decade ago that i can't change my icon over my header, because otherwise @ranchthoughts and i wouldn't have matching icons anymore and that thought hurts me more than saying goodbye to sana after 7 years 😔💔

[outdraws]

cassidy follows the same guidelines mostly in all verses. where he takes on a moniker that gets used by other people. instead of having no face, he has many faces and is considered to be many people.

[absolutebl]

Of My 50+ Favorite BLs these are the 10 I rewatch the most

So you could call these my favorite comfort foods. Everything on this list got a rating of 10/10 or 9/10 from me.

10 Most Comforting BLs

(for me, in order of most recently rewatched at the top)

Our Dating Sim

Korea 2023 Viki (watch the series not the movie)

This is a perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. Just comforting and yummy. I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent.

Cosmetic Playlover

Japan 2024 Gaga

The most recent release on this list, it came out this year and I've already rewatched it 5x. I love this little show. It's a classic office BL about the older workaholic who loves his job and the younger upstart who unexpectedly loves his boss. It’s a hyung romance where everybody is extremely earnest and sweet and pretty about everything. Except our seme, who is slightly unhinged and a little obsessed in all the ways one likes best from Japan (if one is me). Plus the kisses are good! Utterly charming unexpected gem of a show. What fun!

Jun and Jun

Korea 2023 Viki

A delightful office romance about an ex-idol who joins cubical life only to find his new boss is his first love. Other boys are sniffing around too. Operative word being "sniffing" as much of this romance involves smell. With a snappy (sometimes even raunchy) script, enjoyable sides, a pretty as peaches cast, and decent chemistry this show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smiled every moment I was watching. My only caution is this is for fans of the BL genre only, I don’t think it’ll work for anyone else.

My Personal Weatherman

AKA Taikan Yoho

Japan 2023 Gaga

This style of live action yaoi really only works from Japan. Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but are so repressed they don't realize they're in love. It's higher heat than we usually get from Japan's HEA stuff, and that aspect is also very well done, but it leaned into the "why don't they just talk for fuck's sake?" trope which is only exacerbated into undiluted frustration by the fact that they're already fucking. It's great, but watching requires more patience than usual, even for Japan. That said it's also bruisingly romantic. Emphasis on bruise.

Unintentional Love Story

Korea 2023 iQIYI

OMG the plot! Uke forced into a totally understandable betrayal, falling in love despite himself, put into a corner he can't get out of, the AGONY, the PAIN in those gorgeous eyes. Gah. Okay, so: A boy loses his job due to trumped-up corruption charges accidentally discovers his ex-boss's favorite artist, now a recluse. Evil manager offers him his job back, if he can convince the artist to rejoin society. Instead, they fall in love. I found the artist a bit stiff and reserved but Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT - he carried this show (which I do not expect from the idol element). He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, just drown in the emoting abyss. The external conflict, social tension and pressure is complex and beautifully executed, plus Korea gave us legit side dishes (NOT a love triangle, hally-fucking-luya). All that said, when I rewatch this it's usually just the second half, but WHAT a ride.

Semantic Error

Korea 2022 Viki

Sexy older boy discovers pouty younger boy has outed him as a slacker, starts out bullying him, accidentally falls madly in love instead. Korea hits it entirely out of the Parks by doing a university BL with everything we expect from BL just done exactly right. Korea's signature quality executed perfectly with added bonus good story, great pacing, stunning visuals, and fantastic chemistry. You cannot ask for more from a BL, let alone a KBL. Another one where the rewatch is mostly just the second half.

Old Fashion Cupcake

Japan 2022

This show had me from the moment they broke the egg yolk with the chopsticks in the opening credits. It’s about a younger man with a long cherished crush on his boss (ten years older and going through a mid life crisis) who decides to save and seduce said boss with pancakes. It’s wholesome, comforting, sexy, and a very necessary narrative about still having hope, interests, and openness to affection at any age. It’s a stunningly filmed late-in-life comg of age/queerness story packaged in a subtle critique of expectations around masculinity, love, and loneliness… and it’s beautiful.

Yes yes. But the bit you know you want to rewatch is that long shot with the bite kiss. YOU KNOW you wanna.

Seven Days

Japan 2015

Ha! I faked you out 'cause this wasn't at the top but of course it's on the list! One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). Older boy dares the hot af younger one to date him for a week. Turns out they both like it... A lot. The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses.

Takara & Amagi

Japan 2022

I gnawed on my knuckles and squealed a lot with this show, but a rewatch is way less tense. Reserved cool kid must learn to communicate to keep the tiny disaster nugget he’s madly in love with. It is beyond charming: soft and gentle, packed with cuteness and high school angst, thirst, & yearning.

We Best Love

Taiwan 2021 WeTV

WBL successfully managed to pick up and combine the best features of Korean, Thai, and Japanese BL as it exists right now. Couple that to the insane chemistry from the leads, and we have one of the greatest BLs of all time, cooking to a recipe I doubt anyone else will ever be able to replicate since only Taiwan is this flexible. It's basically every classic BL trope bombarded at us in two parts, rapid fire, one after another. Rewatching this show reminds me of everything I love about this genre. It is the genre in pure concentrated form.

The End!

I think it's no accident that none of these are Thai, part of a rewatch for me is the brevity of the show, longer stuff does get rewatched, but not as frequently.

(source)

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

We Are and the evolution of Thai BL tropes

The QL discord started a rewatch of My Engineer a few weeks ago, and damn, has it been an interesting experience. At the time I originally watched My Engineer, there was little that stuck out to me, because so much of what happened felt so incredibly common in a lot of the (admittedly rather limited) number of BLs being produced. It felt like pretty standard fare.

But going back and watching it in juxtaposition with We Are airing has been so fascinating. This genre has been evolving, y'all.

As much as we all joke about always getting more university BLs, there is something to be said for a format that can be used as something of a metric for the genre. And though there's only four years between My Engineer and We Are, seeing them both at once gives me such an incredible appreciation for the direction the genre is going in, the impact of having more queer voices involved in the creation of QLs, and how there's a lot of good we can find in seemingly simple spaces.

Obligatory disclaimer: This is just my perspective and subjective interpretation of what I have seen as a BL viewer of some time; also I don't have time to go in and do a university deep dive, so this isn't a real analysis, but more of a brief writeup of observations.

Trends are not black and white, of course, there is a spectrum. I'm sure we'll suffer through more Dinosaur Loves. At the same time, having such predominant production companies as GMMTV putting effort into hiring queer creatives and subverting old cliche tropes is an encouraging thing. (Especially as they were the creators of the original university trendsetting BL with Sotus).

Note: For newer QL viewers, I highly recommend @absolutebl for brushing up on trope history. For university BLs in particular, this post and this post are great starting primers.

Let's talk tropes!

Ok, one more note - some tropes are being what I would consider subverted, some more adapted to a newer framework, and some just played with - I'm going to talk about how they appear to me, but I'm not going to be super pedantic over it, because this is just for fun.

Trope: Bullying/hazing behavior

This did not age well in My Engineer, and I would guess hasn't aged well in a number of BLs (and other media, because the whole "he's mean to you because he likes you" bullshit has been around forever). Not just because the behavior was shitty, but because it was played off in the script as cute, and implied that it was completely justified for the seme to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of his uke.

(There was also quite a strong tone of internalized homophobia, with the lead feeling more comfortable in expressing his interest through harassment than honest emotion, but the show never actually engaged with that in any meaningful way.)

We Are sets up a very traditional enemies to lovers/bullying start to the story, with Phum taking advantage of Peem's economic situation to make him his "slave".

And yet... there's some important elements here that make this more than the standard use of the trope.

Phum keeps it pretty light in his bullying behavior, and clearly is using it more to keep Peem around as company, versus the kind of bullying in My Engineer, where Duen is literally hit by a car, and yet still expected to keep jumping to Bohn's whims.

As soon as Phum realizes he really upset Peem by leaving him waiting at the mall, he genuinely feels awful about it. It's clear that his intent is not to cause harm, and that he has a conscience. He wrestles with his feelings on it quite a bit, and it ends up being the thing that gets Phum to finally express an honest emotion with Peem.

And most importantly, the script does not let him off the hook. His behavior is bad, and is identified as such by the writing. Peem pushes back and is shown to be right to do so, Beer openly says he disapproves.

So instead of a cliche story beat that's used just to start the action, or a seme who's allowed to do whatever he wants because "passion" (blech), we're seeing it used for characterization, giving us important beats about who both Phum and Peem are in how they engage with each other through the use of the trope.

Trope: Obsessive/jealous behavior

Oh, this one was painful in My Engineer. Duen couldn't even talk to another human being without Bohn getting jealous and angry and dragging him away.

Phum gets jealous, particularly around Kluen, but what makes it feel so subversive here are two key things.

Phum's jealousy has a purpose here, it's not just for drama's sake. It's not the cliche seme doing whatever he wants and being treated as justified. It's deliberately being used to explore his insecurities, and give him a challenge to overcome. Phum doesn't stomp over and drag Peem away, he retreats, he hides. When his jealousy causes him to lash out at Peem, he is immediately aware he fucked up.

And again, the script is making it clear that this behavior is not ok. Peem chides Phum when he acts unkind to Kluen, and Beer makes it clear that the solution is not petty behavior, but actually figuring out a way to communicate his feelings with Peem before he misses his chance. This is portrayed as a barrier for Phum to overcome in order to be with Peem, not an expected part of a romantic relationship.

Trope: Friendship group

There are not enough words to express how much I love the friendship group in We Are. To be fair, this is one of the better historical tropes. We've gotten a lot of amazing friend groups, even in mediocre BLs.

But it's still different in We Are, for one simple reason. In most university BLs, the friend group is a supporting structure. But here?

The story lines may be about the romance, but the point of We Are is the friendship.

I will die on this hill, y'all.

I don't have enough time to go into it fully here, but this show is a love letter to friends. It's a tribute to finding the people who see the real you and have your back unconditionally. Who cheer your successes and commiserate over your defeats, who pick you up when the world knocks you down, who call you out when you make mistakes, and push you to be better.

And romance is lovely, but all of these budding relationships are about being friends first, and then lovers, because that friendship is just as important as everything else, if not more.

Trope: Pink milk

Lol, ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. I know we all got mad over the drink wastage, but also check out these visuals - it's about diversity baby!!

TanFang speed round

My two little trope-busting bebes. These two are already so beautifully non-traditional in their composition, but I love how frequently they are used to make fun of and play with tropes just on their own.

Introduced as pining crush/friend's older brother pair, but actually secret enemies to lovers.

Grumpy/sunshine pairing, where the sunshine used to be a fighter, and grumpy smiles when he thinks no one is watching.

Wound-tending where they keep poking each other instead of acting soft.

Openly mocking the jealous boyfriend trope.

Setting up the possessive trope when Tan doesn't pick up Fang's calls, only to immediately have Fang question if he's being unreasonable.

Setting up their own cute eating scene for kicks.

"First time" sex scene making it clear this is anything but their first time.

Tan holding Fang down in the cliche possessive pose, only for Fang to take the agency of kissing Tan. (And overall saying eff off at the cliche top/bottom roles old BLs were such a fan of).

In Summary

I'm sure there are more tropes that will come to me, and we do still have 5 episodes left of We Are, so there are some potential trope uses that I am keeping an eye on. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.

But I wanted to write this, because I was genuinely shocked to realize how different my My Engineer watching experience was this time compared to my first time. How over the last few years I'd come to expect more thoughtfulness in my QL media, even in the ones that seem shallow on the surface.

Considering how fast and furious the QLs are coming these days, it's easy to forget how recent it was that we were much more starved of content. And I think sometimes we forget to take in the big picture, of how far we've come in just a few years.

Critique is always going to be important, of course, it's part of what helps us make progress. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to take a moment to look around and see some good in where we are.

@sailorbryant thanks for the push to get this written! Feel free to add thoughts!

[alittlelessalone]

Fun Scum Villain fic concept:

So Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua are sent back to their original world temporarily due to system shenanigans and need to wait x number of days until they can go back. They wake up at the times of their deaths and get to use this time to do some final things in the world before returning back.

So Shen Yuan of course wants to spend the time with his family and getting to see them again and say goodbye in a less depressing way. But Shang Qinghua doesn’t have that and he’s just finished PIDW.

Shen Yuan makes sure he has enough money to get him through the timeframe (after learning about Shang Qinghua’s financial situation), so he doesn’t need to work to keep himself alive, so he decides he wants to write something a little more heartfelt as a sort of last hurrah.

He decides in honor of the two lives he and Shen Yuan stole, he’s going to share the backstory of Shen Jiu and write a story about Shang Qinghua.

Shen Jiu comes first and it’s mainly just a tale about him and Yue Qingyuan using his unposted backstory, but in the end he decides to make some minor changes so it’s not as depressing. Namely, that when they died, their souls were both sucked into Xuan Su. The pair ended up trapped there, but they were trapped there together in a world that couldn’t hurt them anymore and allowed them to finally be together.

It’s a poignant and bittersweet story that doesn’t excuse Shen Jiu’s behavior, but it does a lot to explain it and expand his character. And while it of course has its detractors, people generally like it and Peerless Cucumber is there in the comments singing its praises for all to see (and there in Shang Qinghua’s apartment smacking him over the head with a rolled up magazine and scolding him for being by such a good writer and selling out on PIDW).

The Original Shang Qinghua story doesn’t really have any old notes to go off. He was never meant to be a fleshed out character and was always just a plot device villain. But Shang Qinghua feels bad for PIDW’s Mobei-Jun, so he decides to write something for his sake too.

In this story, it’s revealed that Mobei-Jun didn’t actually kill the Original Shang Qinghua, but instead worked with him to fake his death after Lou Binghe ordered him dead. Shang Qinghua reveals that the pair were actually lovers and maintained their secret relationship over the years and that was why Mobei-Jun never seemed interested in romance.

And most readers are like wtf except for the bl fans who love it. And even Peerless Cucumber is a little more hesitant to praise it since it sort of came out of nowhere, but he can admit that it’s clever and well written. And Shen Yuan can tease Shang Qinghua relentlessly for it, even if he also approves and finds it very sweet.

Depending on how much more time they’re stuck there, maybe the pair can also write one more story, giving the original Lou Binghe a happier ending too.

Eventually, it’s time for them to go back. Shen Yuan says goodbye to has family and Shang Qinghua says goodbye to PIDW and hopes that his changes and additions can bring people some peace, even if it’s probably too late for those who need them most.

Shen Yuan realizes that Shang Qinghua was trying to alter the canon in hidden ways so that the system could silently incorporate them into the world without breaking anything. He figures it’s mainly for Bing-ge’s universe that’s still more or less PIDW, but being the mega-fan that he is, he decides to put a theory to the test.

It takes a lot less time with the help of the sect, but he manages to grow another plant body like his own. And then with Yue Qingyuan’s permission, he uses some of Shang Qinghua’s new hand-wavy canon to reach out to Xuan Su. And the next thing he knows, Shen Jiu is waking back up in the plant body after years trapped inside the sword.

And of course there’s a lot of questions and Binghe tears, but Yue Qingyuan gets his Xiao Jiu back and Shang Qinghua realizes that his changes must have taken in the other universe too, now meaning there’s less suffering there as well. He gets to curl back up in his king’s arms that night and rest assured that no matter what universe he’s in, both his king and that universe’s Shang Qinghua are well and truly loved.

[hyog-blog]

Fangs of Fortune (ep. 27)

Literally nothing about this show is straight XD Finally, Ying Long mentioned my most favorite word of all time in regards to M/M relationship - zhiji, which, I guess, is closest to the English 'soulmate' or 'confidante' but could mean a whole Universe of things depending on context and the level of closeness between people. But it's much MUCH more than just 'friends'. Although the show does use the term 'pengyou' extensively which I think is basically that - friends and partners, but without the X factor if you know what I mean. But I'm still seeing queer everywhere no matter what they call it omg)))

So, the remnants of Ying Long's soul introduced us to the concept of what Zhuo Yichen's and Zhao Yuanzhou's relationship is actually all about (I gather Ying Long and Bing Yi were about the same judging by the way they interacted and, uh, shared a very similar destiny). Well, we've had the ultimate type of foreshadowing - the very straightforward glimpse into the future where Zhuo Yichen does kill Zhao Yuanzhou, so now it's kind of a given point in time - the suffering is already there, we're just slowly moving towards the inevitable. The show does know how to inflict pain on its viewers D:

How pretty are they as Ying Long and Bing Yi :3 But also, Bing Yi couldn't let Ying Long go and saved a part of his soul for thousands of years D: heartbreak everywhere

But, other than that, this particular episode was so cute, and did we just have a MPREG joke? XD I mean, Mr. Guo must have been protected by some cdrama BL gods and goddesses for this stuff to pass censorship (god bless). It's hilarious XD And Zhuo Yichen calling Zhao Yuanzhou a bad influence on him right after the joke XD I can't with them)))

"We're the same now."

Oh, the moment when ZYZ and ZY see each other after breaking free from the ice is so precious - there's so much warmth and understanding. And then Zhuo Yichen watches Wen Xiao hug ZYZ and realizes that he'll die and she'll be heartbroken (yes, nothing can prepare them for that kind of grief, destiny, or no destiny).

The younger and sweeter version of Zhuo Yichen :3

Zhao Yuanzhou being a sarcastic ass XD

[yaniluvs]

𑁍ࠬܓ (현진, 용복) : YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL ── he loves her, but he's nothing but a shadow to her. maybe he isn't just meant for her. maybe, there's someone else waiting for him.

𓍯 hyunjin, felix ʚଓ fem!reader ：（ 𝒾 ） 8.1k ── ༯ ONESHOT, uni au, unrequited love, slice of life, comfort if you swuint, sappy, angst, melancholic, mentioned chan, crying, bl, happy ending, first half in hyunjin's pov. fluff. ⸝⸝𓂃 LiBRARY . /ᐠ.ꞈ.ᐟ\ྀིྀི

yani's note ˖˙ ᰋ i'm finally over a hundred followers. seriously, i can't even believe it; thank you so much to each and every reader of mine, really, i'm glad to have finally shared my writings with others who may seek of it. i hope you guys enjoy reading these as much as i love writing them! alright, i think i've ghosted tumblr enough, here's something as a filler to make up for it! + i really liked how this turned out. lmk if u want me to write more stuff like this! reqs are open!

she was beautiful. as beautiful as the first light of dawn stretching across a quiet sky, painting it in soft shades of blush and gold. as beautiful as the sound of rain on a tin roof, a rhythm of nature that lulls even the most restless soul to peace. 

she carried a beauty that was more than skin deep—deeper than the surface of her smile or the gleam in her eyes. it was in the way she moved, the way her presence filled the air, like the first notes of a familiar melody. 

she was beautiful, like the steady hum of the earth beneath bare feet, grounding and gentle, yet full of quiet power. like the way a flower opens itself to the sun, unashamed, vulnerable, reaching toward something greater. her beauty wasn’t loud or boastful; it whispered, it lingered. 

she was as beautiful as the silence after a storm—still, yet trembling with the memory of chaos. as beautiful as a secret only the stars know, a story written in the folds of the universe, unseen but felt. she carried galaxies in her eyes, constellations formed of hopes, dreams, and unspoken fears. 

there was beauty in her strength, the kind that didn’t demand attention but radiated from her being like the warm embrace of the sun. she was as beautiful as the moments when time seems to pause—when the world holds its breath, watching her, captivated. 

and yet, her beauty was also in her fragility. she was a glass heart, reflecting the world in shards of light, even as cracks ran deep. she was as beautiful as a bird learning to fly, uncertain and trembling, yet full of endless potential. 

she was beautiful in her laughter, like bells ringing in a faraway chapel, calling out to anyone who could hear. she was beautiful in her sadness, like the ocean at twilight, depths unfathomable but so achingly serene. 

her beauty was in the stories she told, the love she gave, and the dreams she dared to chase. it was in the way she looked at life, even when it hurt, with eyes that sought wonder and hands that still reached for the stars. 

she was beautiful, like the way the moon kisses the ocean, constant yet fleeting, a reflection of something greater. and though the tides of life pulled her away, though time threatened to erode the memory of her presence, she remained beautiful. 

beautiful in the way she lingered, like the scent of lavender on a breeze, like the trace of music in the air after the last note is played. 

beautiful, as if the world had poured all its grace, its pain, its joy into her being and asked her to carry it. she did, and she was radiant. 

and that’s how i thought of her. 

while to her, i was just an acquaintance, a project partner, a shadow.. someone who wrote stupid poems about her, some artist, that she didn't know, painted her all the time.

another face in a sea of people who passed her by without a second thought. 

but her? she was my muse. she was— is my.. everything. 

even when she didn’t realize it. 

even when she thought nobody was watching her, locked in the music room, tears glistening from her eyes and cheeks as she quietly sobbed. her hands, so steady and graceful when she played the piano, trembled as she cradled her face. her shoulders shook under the weight of something invisible yet suffocating. i wasn’t supposed to be there. i wasn’t supposed to see her like that. but i did, and i couldn’t look away. 

the girl who wore her smile like armor was falling apart in the silence of that room, and i felt like i was intruding on a sacred moment. her tears fell, one after the other, as if her sorrow was endless, as if she had been holding it all in for too long. and even in that moment—especially in that moment—she was still the most beautiful thing i’d ever seen. 

her beauty wasn’t diminished by her pain; it was amplified by it. it was raw, unfiltered, as if her soul had broken through the surface to show the world that she was human, that she wasn’t untouchable, that she was hurting. and all i wanted to do was gather those pieces of her, the ones she thought were too shattered to be whole again, and hold them in my hands like they were precious. 

i watched as her fingers traced the keys of the piano, not to play but to ground herself. her breathing was uneven, her chest rising and falling in stutters as she fought to compose herself. she didn’t know anyone was there. she didn’t know i had come back for my forgotten glove, only to find her, the girl i’d quietly loved, unraveling before my eyes. 

and maybe that’s why i couldn’t bring myself to leave. because she didn’t let anyone see her like this. because she always carried herself with this unspoken grace, this quiet strength, like she didn’t want to burden anyone with the weight of her sadness. but here she was, alone, crumbling, and i felt it like a punch to the gut. 

i wanted to say something. anything. but the words stuck in my throat, heavy and inadequate. what could i possibly say that would make her pain less sharp, her tears less bitter? so, i just stood there, a coward in the doorway, watching her world fall apart. 

when she finally lifted her head, i saw it—the way her eyes, swollen and red, carried the kind of sorrow that only comes from loving and losing, from dreaming and breaking. her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to speak, but no sound came. she just sat there, staring at the blank sheet music in front of her, like it held all the answers she couldn’t find. 

and in that moment, i realized something. she didn’t need someone to fix her. she didn’t need someone to tell her everything would be okay. she just needed someone to see her. to really see her, without judgment or pity, without expectations. to understand that even in her brokenness, she was whole. 

so, i stayed. not close enough for her to notice me, but close enough that, if she looked up, she wouldn’t feel alone. i leaned against the doorframe, my heart aching with every breath she took, and i stayed. 

because even if she never saw me, even if she never knew how much i cared, i wanted her to feel something—anything other than the emptiness i saw in her eyes. 

and maybe that wasn’t enough. maybe i was just a boy with a glove in his hand and feelings he didn’t know how to articulate. but it was all i had to give. and for her, i would have given everything. 

and then, the next time i saw her was at the indoor court, where our basketball team was practicing under the golden embrace of the muted rays of the late afternoon sun that shone through the big window.

she was there, sitting on the bleachers with two of her usual friends, her laughter bright and carefree, cutting through the humid air like a song.  

she cheered for us as if nothing had happened, her hands clapping with an enthusiasm that drew glances and smiles from the other players. 

but i noticed what no one else did. i noticed the faint redness around her eyes, the subtle swell of her lids—the remnants of a storm she had weathered alone.  

still, she smiled, wide and radiant, as if to say, i’m fine, don’t look too closely.

well, it wasn’t rare for me to see her here, after all, it was him who she was here for in the first place.

him.

he stood a few feet away from me on the pitcher’s mound, his confidence exuding from every movement. he was tall, with broad shoulders and a grin that seemed to light up the field. his uniform fit him perfectly, like he was made for it. the way he carried himself was effortless, like he had the world in the palm of his hand—and maybe he did.  

i watched as he caught her gaze and, with a mischievous smirk, sent a small kiss flying her way. she caught it with an exaggerated motion, her cheeks blooming with a blush that even the sun couldn’t outshine. her friends giggled and nudged her, whispering things i didn’t need to hear to understand.  

he was all that a girl could ask for.  

he had the charm that turned heads wherever he went, the kind that made people want to be close to him just to share in his glow. he was quick-witted, always ready with a joke that left everyone in stitches. he was the kind of guy who made you feel like the most important person in the room when he looked at you, even if you weren’t.  

and on the court, he was a force to be reckoned with. his hoops and dribbles were sharp, fast, and clean—so perfect it was almost infuriating. he didn’t just play basketball; he embodied it, like the game was an extension of him.  

the team loved him. we loved him. the crowd adored him. and she… she looked at him like he was the sun, like she could orbit around him forever and never tire of the warmth.  

and me? i was just the captain of the team, the one calling the shots, shouting instructions, holding it all together. but i wasn’t the one she was watching. i wasn’t the one making her laugh, the one who made her cheeks flush that particular shade of pink.  

it was him.  

i hated how much i admired him. how could i not? he was everything i wasn’t. where i was quiet, he was bold. where i hesitated, he dove in headfirst. where i stood in the shadows, he basked in the spotlight with ease.  

and maybe, just maybe, i hated how happy he made her.  

because when he sent her that kiss, when she caught it with a grin so wide it looked like it could split the sky, i realized that i couldn’t give her that. not the way he did. not with that ease, that confidence, that undeniable presence that turned her sadness into laughter in an instant.  

so i watched from the sidelines, pretending i didn’t see the way she lit up for him. pretending i didn’t care that she was cheering for someone else, that her heart was somewhere i could never reach.  

but the truth was, it tore me apart.  

because i knew what no one else did—that she cried alone in music rooms, that her laughter was sometimes a mask, that her beauty wasn’t just in her smiles but in her pain, her strength, her vulnerability.  

and i knew, deep down, that he didn’t see her the way i did.  

he saw her as the girl in the stands, the one who cheered him on, who caught his kisses with a laugh. but i saw her as the girl who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and still found a way to dance beneath it.  

but as someone close to him, i knew he loved her. even if he couldn't process it as much, but he really did.

and yet, despite everything, i couldn’t hate him. not really.  

because he made her happy. and wasn’t that what i wanted, too?  

still, as the ball dribbled under his hands, the perfect angle passing square through the basket hoop, and the crowd erupted in cheers, i couldn’t help but wonder:  

what if she turned her gaze my way, just once? would she see me standing there, waiting for her? or would she still only see him?

well, that's what he was, he was just.. him.  

christopher bang. or rather, chris.  

her boyfriend.  

my… best friend.  

the words sat heavy in my chest, suffocating and sharp, like shards of glass i couldn’t swallow. chris, the guy who had been by my side through countless games, late-night talks, and stupid jokes only we found funny. chris, who knew my secrets, my struggles, my dreams. chris, who had always been my biggest supporter on and off the court.  

chris, who had her.  

he was the kind of person who didn’t need to try to make people love him—they just did. with his easy laugh and soft-spoken wisdom, he had a way of making everyone feel seen, understood. he wasn’t just the team’s star player; he was the glue that held us together, the one who reminded us that we weren’t just players but brothers.  

and he was hers.  

i should’ve been happy for them. i told myself that over and over. be happy for them, hyunjin. he’s your best friend. she deserves someone like him. someone better than you.  

but no matter how many times i said it, the ache in my chest didn’t go away. it gnawed at me, relentless and cruel, every time i saw the way she looked at him. like he was her whole world.  

and chris? he looked at her the same way.  

i saw it in the way his eyes softened when she was around, in the way his grin widened just a little more when she laughed. he adored her, protected her, loved her with an openness i couldn’t even bring myself to admit i wanted.  

i hated him for that.  

and i hated myself more for hating him.  

because chris didn’t know. how could he?

i had never told him about the way my heart raced every time she walked into a room, the way i memorized the sound of her laugh, the way my hands itched to brush the stray strands of hair from her face.  

i never told him about the nights i stayed up replaying every conversation i had with her, wondering if i’d said enough or too much. i never told him how i couldn’t breathe when she smiled at me, even if it was just in passing.  

i never told him because it didn’t matter.  

she was his. and i? i was just the captain of the team, his best friend, the one who should’ve been cheering them on from the sidelines.  

instead, i was standing here, on the court we both loved, pretending that every stolen glance at her didn’t feel like a betrayal. pretending that i wasn’t breaking a little more each time she caught his flying kisses and smiled at him like he was the only thing that mattered.  

because he was the only thing that mattered to her.  

and i was just the shadow.  

i tried to ignore the way my gaze lingered on her as she sat on the bleachers, her laughter carrying over the cheers and the sound of the dribbles. i tried to ignore the way her smile faltered for just a second when she thought no one was looking, the way her fingers fiddled with the hem of her shirt like she was trying to hold herself together.  

i tried to ignore it all. but it was impossible.  

because i saw her. i always saw her. and i couldn’t unsee her, no matter how much it hurt.  

but chris was my best friend. and she was his.  

so i clenched my jaw, gripped the baseball tighter in my hand, and forced myself to look away.  

because if there was one thing i knew for certain, it was this:  

i would rather break my own heart a thousand times over than let either of them know how much i was breaking inside.

and soon enough, practice had ended, and the sound of sneakers squeaking on the polished wood faded into the hum of low conversations and the occasional thud of a stray basketball.

i wiped the sweat from my face with the hem of my jersey, my throat dry despite the water i’d just gulped down. my chest heaved as i caught my breath, leaning against the wall near the bleachers. my teammates had already started to disperse, their laughter echoing as they shoved each other toward the locker room.

but i stayed back, as i always did.

because she was still here.

she stood at the far end of the bleachers, laughing with him, who had his arm slung casually around her shoulders. her eyes sparkled in the dim light, her laughter ringing out like a melody that didn’t belong in this sweaty, chaotic gym. she was radiant, even in the simplest way she carried herself—like she belonged to a world far gentler than this one.

chris leaned closer to her, whispering something that made her tilt her head back and laugh louder. he smiled at her, that easy, confident smile of his, the one that said he didn’t have a single doubt in his mind that she was his. and why would he? he had everything—a charm that drew people in without effort, a talent that made him the pride of the team, and her.

i clenched the water bottle in my hand, the plastic crinkling under the pressure. i told myself i should look away, that i had no right to watch her like this, but my feet stayed rooted, and my gaze lingered.

i didn’t even notice the footsteps approaching until a voice, bright and effervescent, cut through my thoughts.

"hey! hyunjin, right?"

startled, i turned to see a blonde guy standing a few feet away, his hands tucked casually into the pockets of his sweatpants. his hair was an impossible shade of gold, soft and messy, like sunlight had woven itself into every strand. his face was alight with a grin so wide it could’ve lit up the entire gym, and freckles danced across his nose and cheeks like constellations on a canvas.

"uh… yeah," i managed to mumble, taken aback.

he tilted his head slightly, his smile never wavering. "i’m felix. we share a couple of classes, i think? history and, uh… literature? or something like that."

i nodded slowly, vaguely recalling his face in the back row, but we’d never exchanged more than polite nods in passing.

"anyway," he continued, his voice light and lilting, "i just wanted to say—you were amazing out there. the way you move on the court? it’s like… i don’t know, art or something."

i blinked, unsure how to respond. compliments weren’t something i was used to, especially from someone who had no reason to notice me. "uh, thanks," i said awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck with a faint smile.

the sunshine guy's grin widened, and he gave a little laugh, as if my reaction amused him. "seriously, though! you’ve got this… i don’t know, this elegance when you play. like you’re not just playing to win—you’re playing to express something. it’s cool."

i stared at him, caught off guard by the sheer earnestness in his voice. there was no hint of sarcasm, no undercurrent of competition—just genuine admiration. it was disarming, the way he looked at me, his eyes warm and unassuming, like he truly meant every word.

before i knew it, we were walking together, his deep voice filling the space between us as we headed toward the locker rooms. he kinda talked with his whole body, his hands gesturing animatedly, his steps light, almost bouncy.

he told me about how he wasn’t much of a basketball fan but had come to watch the team play and ended up being more impressed by me. he mentioned how he loved the way i dribbled, how i always seemed to find the perfect opening. "it’s like you see the game differently than everyone else," he said, his tone laced with wonder.

i didn’t say much, but felix didn’t seem to mind. he carried the conversation effortlessly, his words tumbling out in a cheerful, unfiltered stream. his voice was soft but lively, like he couldn’t contain his excitement about even the smallest things.

when we reached the locker room doors, he stopped and turned to me, his hands tucked back into his pockets. "well, i guess this is where i leave you," he said with a little shrug, his smile still firmly in place.

"thanks for the talk," i said, feeling a strange warmth settle in my chest.

"anytime," he replied, his grin softening into something more sincere. "see you around, hyunjin. keep playing the way you do, okay? it’s inspiring."

with that, he turned and walked away, his golden hair catching the light, his footsteps light and unhurried.

i stood there for a moment, staring after him, his words echoing in my mind.

okay, conversing with a literal golden retriever wasn't on my schedule, but i'm not complaining.

the next few days unfolded like a gentle spring breeze, carrying the blonde closer into hyunjin’s orbit with an ease that felt both foreign and comforting. he seemed to appear everywhere, his sunshine-drenched smile lighting up hallways, classrooms, and even the spaces hyunjin hadn’t realized were so dim before.

it was strange, this feeling of someone so effortlessly making themselves a part of your days, like the way sunlight filters through curtains uninvited but welcome all the same. felix had a knack for filling silences, his words tumbling out in cheerful, rambling tangents that somehow made sense by the end. and though hyunjin usually thrived in solitude, he found himself listening more, responding more, even smiling more.

of course, she still lingered in his mind sometimes—a soft, bittersweet memory of something unattainable. but with felix around, the ache dulled. it wasn’t that he forgot her; it was that he didn’t feel quite as hollow. his presence was like a patch of warm sun on a chilly day, an undeniable comfort that didn’t demand anything in return.

felix, for all his bubbliness, seemed to bring out something softer in hyunjin too. perhaps it was the way he carried himself, light and delicate, or the way he spoke with a sincerity that felt unguarded, untainted by cynicism. whatever it was, hyunjin found himself treading carefully around him, as if felix were made of spun glass and the last thing he wanted was to leave a crack.

—

it was seungmin, felix's roommate, who told him about the rooftop.

"felix? he’s probably up there," seungmin had said nonchalantly, shuffling through his locker, as he glanced at the guy. "he likes the quiet. eats lunch there a lot."

hyunjin had hesitated at first, unsure if he was intruding, but curiosity won out. so here he was, climbing the worn staircase that led to the rooftop, the faint sound of the bustling school below fading with each step.

when he pushed open the heavy metal door, there he was.

he was sat cross-legged on the stony floor, leaning against the low wall that lined the rooftop’s edge. a neatly packed lunch box sat in his lap, and his golden hair gleamed in the midday sunlight, almost too bright to look at. he was popping a grape into his mouth when he noticed hyunjin, his eyes lighting up with a smile that was as welcoming as it was disarming.

"oh hey, hyunjin," felix said, his voice soft and lilting. "didn’t know you’d be here too."

"ah… i, um…" hyunjin stammered, suddenly feeling awkward, like he’d just walked into something private. he shifted the strap of his crossbody bag and glanced around, unsure of where to place himself. "seungmin told me you were here."

felix chuckled, gesturing to the spot beside him. "well, come on then. no sense standing there like a lost puppy."

hyunjin let out a small laugh, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly as he moved to sit beside him. he settled onto the floor, his back against the wall, and pulled out his sketchbook and pencil from his bag.

"i… thought maybe i’d sketch," hyunjin said, his voice quieter now. he glanced at felix, who was now chewing thoughtfully on a slice of apple. the sunlight hit felix’s face at just the right angle, illuminating the constellation of freckles across his cheeks and nose.

felix looked over, curiosity sparking in his honey-brown eyes. "you sketch?"

"yeah, a lot." hyunjin responded, lowering his gaze to the blank page that sat on his lap. "guess i never really mentioned it, huh?"

"i guess so," the blonde's eyes lightened in admiration, "so is that your artwork on the phonecase then?"

"yeah, actually," hyunjin muttered, "it's nothing much, though."

"i'd say it must really mean something to you. i'd beg and pay thousands to see your pieces," he giggled excitedly, staring at the guy with the brightest smile in the universe.

hyunjin's eyes shifted awkwardly, meeting his bright ones as he absorbed the genuineness in the blonde's eyes and smile.

"so what do you usually like to draw?"

"anything.. random," hyunjin replied quickly, looking down once again. "but i usually end up drawing flowers, um, people, and happy moments."

felix hummed in understanding, his focus returning to his lunch. for a moment, they sat in companionable silence, the soft rustle of the breeze and the distant sounds of the school below creating a cocoon of peace around them.

but hyunjin couldn’t stop glancing at felix out of the corner of his eye—the way his lips curved as he smiled to himself, the way his fingers carefully plucked a grape from the box, the way the sunlight seemed to adore him, draping him in a golden glow.

"felix?" hyunjin said suddenly, his voice breaking the quiet.

felix turned to him, eyebrows raised in question. "mhm?"

hyunjin hesitated, his grip tightening on his pencil. his heart thudded in his chest, and he cursed himself for how awkward he felt. "i… i wanted to ask if… you’d let me sketch you. like—be my muse. but i mean—that’s only if you’re okay—"

felix’s face lit up in a way that made hyunjin’s breath catch. "me? really?"

hyunjin nodded, his gaze dropping to his sketchbook. "you just… you look—" he paused, feeling the words stick in his throat.

beautiful? ethereal? like you’ve been kissed by sunlight itself?

"—interesting," he finished weakly.

felix let out a soft laugh, and hyunjin dared to look up, only to find felix grinning at him with an almost childlike delight.

"i’d be honored," felix said, his voice warm and sincere. "just tell me what to do."

hyunjin swallowed hard, his fingers trembling slightly as he poised his pencil over the page. "just… stay as you are. you’re perfect."

the words slipped out before he could stop them, and his cheeks flushed immediately. but felix didn’t tease him for it. instead, he just smiled, leaning back against the wall and tilting his head slightly, his golden hair catching the sunlight again.

and as hyunjin began to sketch, his pencil capturing the gentle curve of felix’s jaw, the scattered freckles, the light in his eyes—he realized that for the first time in a long while, he wasn’t thinking about anyone else.

only him.

the day had slipped into late afternoon, the golden hour casting a soft glow over the campus as students trickled out of the buildings. hyunjin adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, his footsteps slow as he made his way across the courtyard. it had been a long day—lectures, practice, and a lingering exhaustion he couldn’t quite shake—but at least it was over.

the quiet shuffle of his sneakers on the pavement filled his ears until a familiar voice called out from behind him, bright and lilting.

"hyunjin! wait up!"

he turned to see felix jogging toward him, his blonde hair catching the sunlight in a way that made it almost shimmer. he was all literally energy, even after a full day, his smile as wide as ever.

"hey," felix said, falling into step beside him, slightly out of breath. "i thought that was you. heading home?"

"yeah," hyunjin replied simply, his voice low, though he found himself softening as he looked at felix.

felix’s grin didn’t falter, and he adjusted the strap of his own bag. "long day?"

"something like that."

they walked together for a moment, the conversation easy, as felix filled the air with his usual cheerful chatter. he talked about how the lecture on renaissance art had gone completely over his head, how he’d spilled coffee on his notebook but somehow managed to save his notes.

hyunjin listened quietly, nodding here and there, letting felix’s words wash over him. there was something soothing about felix’s voice, a buoyancy that felt almost contagious, like he could lift the weight of the world just by talking.

but then hyunjin’s gaze shifted, just for a second, drawn by the sound of a familiar laugh.

there she was.

she stood a few steps ahead, just off the main path, her head tilted back as she laughed at something her friends had said. chris was there too, with his arm casually draped over her shoulders, his expression as confident and easy as ever.

the sight tugged at something deep in hyunjin’s chest, a sharp reminder of what he’d tried so hard to bury. but before the ache could settle, before felix could notice the flicker of something in his eyes, hyunjin turned back.

he quickened his pace.

felix, ever the observant one, picked up on it immediately. he glanced at hyunjin, a hint of curiosity in his eyes, but if he had any questions, he didn’t voice them. instead, he jogged a step to match his longer strides, his usual cheer slipping back into place.

"you know," felix began, his tone light and almost casual, though there was a faint undercurrent of nervousness, "i was thinking… my roommate says i bake pretty good brownies. and, well, i was planning on making a few batches tonight."

hyunjin slowed slightly, glancing at felix.

felix scratched the back of his neck, his grin faltering just a little, though his voice stayed steady. "i mean, if you’re not busy or anything, maybe you could come over? you know, hang out. have a taste-test session or whatever."

hyunjin blinked, caught off guard by the invitation. felix’s words were casual enough, but there was something in the way he spoke, the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, that made him realize he might actually care about the answer.

for a moment, hyunjin hesitated. the idea of spending more time with felix, of stepping into his world, felt strange and unfamiliar. but at the same time, the thought of walking home to an empty apartment, of being alone with his thoughts, felt heavier.

"are you sure?" hyunjin asked finally, his voice quieter than he intended.

felix’s grin returned, brighter this time, like he hadn’t expected hyunjin to even consider it. "of course! it’s no trouble at all. i mean, unless you hate brownies. in which case… who even are you?"

hyunjin let out a small laugh despite himself, shaking his head. "i don’t hate brownies."

"good," felix said with mock seriousness, pointing a finger at him. "because i don’t think i could be friends with someone who does."

"friends, huh?" hyunjin murmured, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

felix tilted his head, his expression softening. "yeah. friends."

hyunjin exhaled, the tension in his chest loosening just a little. "okay. i’ll come over."

felix’s face lit up, the kind of smile that could chase away the darkest of clouds. "great! you won’t regret it, i promise. my brownies are kind of legendary."

as they continued walking, felix started talking again, his words spilling out in that familiar, giddy way. hyunjin found himself relaxing more with each step, the weight of the day beginning to lift.

the streets were quieter now, bathed in the warm hues of the setting sun. felix walked with a light bounce in his step, his hands casually stuffed into the pockets of his jacket. hyunjin walked beside him, his longer strides slowed to match felix’s pace.

"so, how did you get into baking?" hyunjin asked, his voice breaking the comfortable silence between them.

felix turned his head toward him, his grin widening. "oh, you know. it started with cookies. my older sister, rachel, loved baking, and she taught me when i was a kid. at first, i was terrible—like, really terrible. burnt everything. but i kept at it because, well, cookies, you know?"

hyunjin nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "i can see that. you seem like the kind of person who’d persevere for cookies."

"hey, cookies are worth the effort," felix shot back, laughing. "and then i branched out. muffins, cakes, brownies—pretty much anything sweet. now it’s kind of my thing. therapy, i guess. plus, helps keep seungmin's sass in check."

"therapy?" hyunjin raised an eyebrow.

"yeah, like… when the world feels too heavy, i bake," felix explained, his voice softer now. "measuring ingredients, mixing, smelling something warm and sweet in the oven—it just makes things feel a little lighter, you know?"

hyunjin glanced at him, his chest tightening at the sincerity in felix’s tone. "i get that. for me, it’s drawing."

felix’s eyes lit up. "oh, yeah! you’re amazing at it. i mean, i’ve only seen a small portion of your sketches only today, but i bet they’re incredible. like, real talent. i can barely draw a stick figure."

hyunjin chuckled, shaking his head. "thanks. it’s… kind of like what you said. it helps me process things."

felix nodded thoughtfully, his gaze drifting to the sidewalk ahead. "that’s cool. i think everyone needs something like that, you know? something that feels like home."

they walked in silence for the moment, the sounds of the city filling the space between them.

when they finally reached felix’s building, he stopped at the entrance and turned to hyunjin, his expression softening.

"thanks for coming," felix said, his voice quieter now. "i wasn’t sure if you’d say yes, but… i’m glad you did."

hyunjin felt a strange warmth spread through him at the sincerity in felix’s words. he gave a small nod. "me too."

felix’s grin returned, brighter than ever. "come on. let’s make you a brownie believer."

with that, felix pushed open the door, and hyunjin followed him inside, his steps feeling just a little lighter than before.

—

the kitchen smelled like butter and cocoa, a rich and decadent aroma that only deepened as felix set out the ingredients. the room was modest, the counters slightly cluttered but lived-in, with felix’s cheerful energy filling every corner. hyunjin leaned against the counter, arms crossed loosely, watching as felix flitted around the kitchen.

"okay," felix began, turning toward hyunjin with a measuring cup in hand. "first things first—have you ever made brownies before? or like.. baked and cooked? at all?"

hyunjin only blinked, "uh.. i once helped my best friend sauté tofu and veggies?" he spoke, unsure.

"and..?"

"and..? oh, i think i burnt the tofu a bit. i didn't realise the stove was on high flame.."

felix smiled, ducking his head slightly as he set the measuring cup on the counter. "alright, rookie. let’s start with the dry ingredients."

he talked hyunjin through each step, his voice soft but enthusiastic as he explained the difference between unsweetened and dutch-process cocoa, how to measure flour properly, and why sugar mattered so much in baking.

hyunjin nodded along, following felix’s instructions, though his eyes lingered more on felix than the ingredients. the way his hands moved, quick but precise, and how his lips pursed when he concentrated—it all held his attention in a way he wasn’t used to.

"okay, your turn," felix said, sliding the bowl of dry ingredients toward him.

hyunjin straightened, stepping closer. "what am i doing?"

"whisking," felix replied, holding out the whisk. his freckles seemed to stand out more under the soft kitchen light, his cheeks tinged with a faint pink as hyunjin’s fingers brushed his when he took the whisk.

hyunjin glanced down at the bowl, then back up at felix. "am i supposed to do this a certain way, or…?"

felix giggled nervously, his gaze flitting away before returning to meet hyunjin’s. "it’s not that complicated, i promise. just, uh… here, let me show you."

he stepped closer, his smaller frame just brushing against hyunjin’s side as he placed his hands over hyunjin’s on the whisk. "you want to go in small circles, like this," felix said, guiding his movements. his voice was quieter now, and hyunjin could feel the warmth radiating from him.

the blonde's blush deepened as he realized how close they were, his words faltering. "y-you don’t want to overmix, though. just until it’s all combined."

hyunjin’s heart gave an unfamiliar flutter, his eyes briefly dropping to felix’s face. he noticed the way felix bit his lower lip in concentration, the way his lashes cast delicate shadows on his cheeks.

"are you hot?"

felix’s hands froze for a second before he quickly pulled back, his face going from pink to scarlet. "n-no, i’m not!" he stammered, avoiding hyunjin’s gaze as he fussed with the edge of his apron.

"i mean- maybe, i don't know, i'll just go get some.. paper napkins, yeah." felix muttered, clearly flustered.

hyunjin chuckled under his breath, the sound low and warm, but he didn’t press further. he resumed whisking, letting felix regain his composure, as he left the kitchen to get those 'napkins'.

when felix finally came back, his expression was determined, though the pink in his cheeks hadn’t quite faded. "alright, rookie, let’s move on to the wet ingredients."

they worked together, felix explaining and demonstrating, hyunjin following along. at one point, felix reached up to grab a mixing bowl from a high shelf, but his fingers just barely brushed the edge.

"need help?" hyunjin asked, already stepping closer.

felix turned to protest but stopped when he saw how easily hyunjin reached up and grabbed the bowl, his long fingers steady and confident. their eyes met briefly as hyunjin handed it to him, and felix let out a soft laugh, his shoulders relaxing. "thanks. guess being tall has its perks."

hyunjin smirked. "you say that like it’s a bad thing."

they continued, the atmosphere growing more comfortable, even playful. felix teased hyunjin about his whisking technique, calling it 'too aggressive,' while hyunjin shot back that felix was 'too much of a perfectionist.'

as they poured the batter into the pan, felix handed hyunjin a spatula. "here, scrape the bowl."

hyunjin obeyed, his movements slow and deliberate. "is this up to your perfectionist standards?" he asked, glancing at felix with a raised brow.

felix laughed, his shoulders shaking. "i’ll allow it."

when the brownies were finally in the oven, felix leaned against the counter, letting out a content sigh. "now we wait."

hyunjin stood beside him, his gaze drifting to felix’s profile. the golden light from the oven reflected off felix’s hair, making it shine. he looked peaceful, almost ethereal, as he rested his chin on his hand.

"you’re good at this," hyunjin said after a moment, his voice quiet.

felix turned to him, his brows knitting together in confusion. "good at what?"

hyunjin hesitated, his lips quirking into a small smile. "making people feel at home."

felix blinked, his cheeks flushing again, though his smile was soft this time. "that’s… really nice of you to say. thanks, hyunjin."

hyunjin didn’t reply, just nodded slightly, his eyes lingering on felix for a moment longer before looking away.

the next time the two met was after hyunjin’s basketball practice. the court was still abuzz with movement as players cooled down, collecting their water bottles and laughing about plays that went wrong or almost-right. hyunjin wiped his forehead with a towel, sweat clinging to the nape of his neck, when he caught a glimpse of felix sitting in the bleachers.

he was easy to spot—blonde hair glowing under the gym lights, freckles standing out against his flushed cheeks as he beamed at hyunjin, waving excitedly when their eyes met. hyunjin felt his breath hitch for a second, but he masked it with a small smile, lifting a hand in acknowledgment.

as the rest of the team dispersed, hyunjin walked over, the squeak of his sneakers echoing softly. felix hopped down from the bleachers, practically bouncing toward him.

"that was a great game," felix exclaimed, his eyes bright. "you were amazing out there, hyunjin. that shot you made toward the end? unreal."

hyunjin let out a awkward chuckle, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. "thanks. glad to know i’ve got at least one loyal fan."

felix laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "you’ve got a lot more than just one, trust me. but, uh… if you ever need someone to cheer louder, i’m your guy."

hyunjin tilted his head slightly, studying felix’s flushed face and earnest expression. "you free right now?" he asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

felix blinked, caught off guard. "oh, uh, yeah. why?"

hyunjin shrugged, looking away briefly. "my roommate’s out for the day. place feels too quiet, and i might get a little bored. care for some company?"

felix’s lips curled into a small smile, his cheeks dusted pink. "yeah, sure. i’d love to."

the walk to hyunjin’s apartment was quieter than usual, though not uncomfortably so. felix had asked about the game, his enthusiasm spilling into every question—did hyunjin practice that three-pointer often? was his coach strict? who was the best player on the team?

hyunjin answered each question patiently, his tone soft, almost fond. felix’s excitement was infectious, and hyunjin found himself smiling more than he realized.

when they reached the apartment, hyunjin unlocked the door and stepped aside, gesturing for felix to enter first.

the room was neat but far from sterile. a desk in the corner was cluttered with paint tubes, brushes, and sketchbooks. several canvases leaned against the wall, some completed, others only half-finished. felix’s eyes widened as he took it all in, his gaze darting from the paintings to the guitar propped in the far corner.

"wow," felix murmured, walking closer to the desk. his fingers hovered over a sketchbook but didn’t touch. "this is amazing. i mean, i only ever saw the two you showed me, but—hyunjin, these are incredible."

hyunjin scratched the back of his neck, looking away.

felix gaped softly. "not only are you the hottest guy on the campus’ basketball team," he began, the words slipping out before he could stop them. realizing what he’d just said, his eyes widened, and his cheeks turned bright red. "i mean—g-good looking.. guy on the basketball team,"

hyunjin's cheeks tinted red at the comment.

felix? well his ears still burning. "and.. say you paint, sketch, and play the guitar too? is there anything you can’t do?"

hyunjin followed felix’s gaze to the guitar. "i can’t play much," he admitted, walking over to pick it up. he sat on the couch, the sleek, ash-gray instrument resting comfortably in his hands. "still learning the basics. there’s this one chord i just can’t get right."

felix tilted his head, curiosity sparking in his eyes. "which one?"

"b major," hyunjin replied, strumming a few notes and wincing when it came out wrong.

felix’s face lit up. "oh, seungmin’s a music major, and he spends half the day playing guitar in our apartment. i might know a thing or two."

hyunjin arched an eyebrow. "really?"

"yeah," felix said, sitting beside him on the couch. "i could help, i guess. there's this song seungmin loves, and i think it has the chord."

hyunjin tried playing the chord again, failing to play it well.

"hold on, i think it goes like this," he said, reaching out to guide his fingers. felix’s touch was warm, and hyunjin found himself watching the way he adjusted the strings in his hands.

"okay, so b major is tricky," felix began, his voice soft but steady. he demonstrated the chord, the sound ringing out clearly. "you just have to press down a little harder here."

hyunjin leaned forward slightly, studying felix’s fingers. "like this?" he asked, mimicking the position.

"close," felix murmured, reaching out to adjust hyunjin’s grip. their hands brushed again, and felix froze for a moment, his breath hitching. "s-sorry," he stammered, pulling back and trying to put some space between them.

hyunjin’s gaze softened, his voice a hushed reassurance. "it’s fine. don’t worry about it."

felix cleared his throat, his cheeks flaming as he looked down at the guitar. "uh, right. try again."

as hyunjin strummed, the chord came out cleaner this time, and felix smiled, the tension melting away. "see? you’ve got it."

hyunjin didn’t reply immediately, his eyes lingering on felix’s face. the way felix’s freckles seemed to glow in the warm light, the curve of his smile, the softness in his gaze—it all felt strangely grounding.

for the first time in a while, y/n didn’t linger in hyunjin’s thoughts. instead, all he could think about was the boy sitting across from him, blushing and laughing softly, and how felix made everything feel just a little bit brighter.

the guitar sat forgotten between them. hyunjin was still holding it carefully, his hands lingering for a moment before he sat straight again, exhaling quietly. felix was still sitting beside him, his legs tucked under himself, a soft hum of contentment escaping as he looked down at his hands, fidgeting slightly.

“thanks,” hyunjin said suddenly, his voice low but steady.

“i-it's nothing,”

hyunjin gave a faint smile, his gaze soft as it settled on felix's flushed cheeks. he didn’t say anything, but his eyes lingered, trailing over his face—those bright, sun-kissed freckles, the curve of his lips, the way his blonde hair fell messily over his forehead.

felix noticed the silence and tilted his head slightly, his expression curious. "what? did i say something weird?"

"no," hyunjin murmured, shaking his head. he looked down, his hands resting on the guitar, fingers curling slightly as if grounding himself.

hyunjin laughed softly, but the sound faded quickly as his eyes found felix’s again. there was something in his chest, something he couldn’t name but felt like it had been there for weeks, quietly growing every time felix smiled, every time he blushed, every time he laughed.

before he could stop himself, hyunjin leaned forward, his movements slow, hesitant. felix stilled, his breath hitching as hyunjin’s face came closer, their noses almost brushing.

"felix," hyunjin murmured, his voice barely audible.

felix’s eyes searched his, wide and vulnerable, his cheeks tinged pink. "y-yeah?"

hyunjin hesitated for a fraction of a second longer, his heart pounding in his chest. then, with a quiet exhale, he closed the distance.

their lips met softly, hesitantly, as if testing the waters. felix let out a small, surprised sound against hyunjin’s mouth, his hand instinctively reaching up to rest against hyunjin’s neck. his fingers trembled slightly, but they held on, anchoring him.

hyunjin’s hand moved carefully to felix’s waist, his long fingers curling gently around him, as if afraid to hold on too tightly. felix tasted sweet, like the faint hint of chocolate they’d snacked on earlier, mixed with something softer, warmer, uniquely felix.

felix’s lips were soft and pliant, moving tentatively against hyunjin’s as if he were afraid of doing something wrong. but when hyunjin deepened the kiss just slightly, tilting his head to fit their mouths together more snugly, felix let out a quiet sigh, his shoulders relaxing.

the kiss grew slower, more confident. hyunjin’s other hand found felix’s smaller one, their fingers intertwining. he squeezed gently, his thumb brushing over felix’s knuckles as he pulled him just a fraction closer.

felix shifted slightly, leaning into hix touch. his other hand slid further into his hair, his fingers tangling in the dark strands. when hyunjin pulled back just a little, felix chased him instinctively, their lips brushing again in a way that felt almost desperate.

hyunjin gasped softly, the sound low and warm as he rested his forehead against felix’s. his breath was uneven, his chest rising and falling in time with felix’s.

hyunjin’s heart raced as he pulled back slightly, his breath catching in his throat. his mind scrambled to process what had just happened, the rush of emotions, the spark that had ignited between them. his fingers, still loosely holding felix’s hand, twitched slightly, and his voice came out quieter than he intended.

"'m sorry," hyunjin murmured, his eyes flickering down to the space between them, suddenly feeling like he’d overstepped, like he had done something wrong. his chest tightened with uncertainty, and for the first time in a while, he felt unsure.

felix blinked, and the brief moment of silence felt heavier than it was. he hesitated, but then a soft, reassuring smile tugged at his lips. he reached up to gently cup hyunjin’s cheek, his touch tender, his thumb brushing over the soft skin there.

before he could respond, felix’s eyes softened, and without another word, he leaned in once again, their lips interlocking immediately.

[benkyoutobentou]

Beginner Manga Recommendations for Japanese Learners

It's time, you've done your due diligence in studying. Now it's time to jump into native material. But where to start? Here are a few manga series that I've read that I think would be a reasonable place for a Japanese learner to start their immersion journey.

Disclaimer: I haven't read every series, and the manga that's interesting to me might not be interesting to you. We also all encounter different words as we go along our language learning journeys. A series that I find relatively easy might have you looking up every other word. The trick is to not get discouraged and just keep on pushing through! As with everything, it gets easier the more you practice.

消えた初恋 - アルコ＆ひねくれ渡: This BL series follows a group of four friends and their experiences with love in high school (it also has a drama adaptation that I highly recommend! Available to watch for free on Viki). This series is so silly and just a fun time. The art has great visual gags and it's definitely a series where you can sit down and not even realize that suddenly you've gone through an entire volume and why didn't you buy more of this series to start with? It has furigana on everything, but the characters do speak pretty casually, so there's some slang and less standard language. This series is completed with nine volumes.

佐々木と宮野 - 春園ショウ: This is another sweet BL about Miyano, a high school first year, who catches the eye of an upperclassman, Sasaki. After asking to borrow Miyano's book, the two bond over a shared enjoyment of BL manga. The vocabulary is pretty simple in this one as well, but it does use quite a bit of otaku slang, which can be difficult if you've never encountered it before. It has furigana on everything, though! This series is ongoing with nine volumes and also has a spin off series titled 平野と鍵浦 which is also ongoing with four volumes.

月刊少女野崎くん - 椿いづみ: The first manga I ever read in Japanese! This series follows a high schooler, Sakura, as she confesses to her crush and classmate, Nozaki. However, Nozaki thinks that Sakura is just a fan of his shoujo manga series, and recruits her to be his assistant. This series is so enjoyably silly with a wonderful cast of characters that absolutely steal the show. There's a bit of vocabulary specific to the process of making manga, but it isn't too overwhelming. There's also plenty of casual speech and some great moments that can't quite come out in translation (bonus fact: I actually wrote a paper on this series and how humor is translated in one of my university linguistics class). It also has furigana on everything. It's ongoing with fifteen volumes.

加瀬さんシリーズ - 高嶋ひろみ: This adorable little GL series follows two high school aged girls, popular and athletic Kase and the shy gardener Yamada, as their relationship develops over their high school years. The vocabulary in this one is relatively simple with the exception of some more specific words, but those tend to pop up time and time again. This one doesn't have furigana but I think it's a great introduction to readying manga without furigana! This series is completed with five volumes, but there's an ongoing sequel series called　山田と加瀬さん that currently has three volumes released.

ささやくように恋を唄う - 竹嶋えく: This is a music based GL series about a high school first year, Kino, who tells an upperclassman, Nagi, that she loves her music. Nagi, however, misunderstands this as Kino confessing her love for her. The story follows both the relationship between Kino and Nagi as well as the trials and tribulations of Nagi's band. This is another one without furigana, but the vocabulary tends to be simple enough that I think it's still pretty accessible. It's ongoing with eight current volumes.

かけた月とドーナッツ - 雨水汐: Our last GL, this follows two coworkers, Uno and Satou, and their blossoming relationship in a society that pushes conformity and marriage on women. I really loved the way this series depicted coming into one's sexuality as an adult. Another one without furigana, but simple vocabulary regardless. A possible difficulty with this one might be the office vocabulary, though. This series is completed with four volumes.

[jenyifer]

Hum I realized I haven’t shared any of my book recs on here. I know I should watch new bl. I plan on finding something in June.

Since I got broken up I’ve been reading lgbt books. My ex gf had been showing me things about being lgbt that I had never imagined before and without her I still wanted to learn to experience different stories. So I used my love of fantasy and sci-fi and started listening and reading as much as I could. I don’t really care for overly spicy things but I like when the characters are realistic adults. So keep that in mind with this list.

1. The House in the Cerulean Sea 10/10 Fantasy great characters and mc growth. Found family always gets me. The ending was perfect. I’ve listened to it 15 times and forced my parents and uncle to read it. I’m excited for book 2.

2. The Darkness Outside of Us. 10/10 Sci-fi Space. This book made me feel so much. Surprised me. Had me gasping for air in my cube to the point people had to ask if I was okay. Had me running to the car to cry as I listened to the last part. Go in blind and enjoy the space and gay of it all.

3. Dark Rise 10/10 Classic Fantasy It is incredibly rare any book surprises me. Most of the time I can guess the plot a mile away. Dark Rise hit me over the head a couple times had me crying. But it was so epic and adventurous reminded of the feeling I had reading David Eddings as a child. (Not that lgbt as I would have liked but… it was there I assume book 2 a lot more)

4. Iron Widow 10/10 Sci-fi Mechs Fantasy Post Apocalypse I adore a mechs and history. It was extremely exciting. I adore the main couple even though main girl is actually mentally unstable but you love her anyways.

5. The Extraordinaries 9/10 Superhero. The main character is lovably stupid aside from his ADHD which I can relate on. I loved the lesbian side couple. The story was fun felt like it was written for the early college me who loved superheroes.

5. Adam Binder Series White Trash Warlock 9/10. Urban Fantasy. It gives me flash backs to Harry Dresden and Iron Druid but not in the obvious way just in vibe. I love main characters being country. I’m from Mississippi not Oklahoma but I can relate to being a gay in a small town moving to a big city. I love the main couple. The mystery magic system was interesting. I wish it had a bit more romance actually. Just because I love the main couple and side characters a lot and want happiness. I wish I could get more people to read this one it’s wonderful a lot better than a lot of urban str8 fantasy I’ve read and it was my main category for years. The mystery element was decent. I need to start book 3.

6. Ocean’s Echo 8.5/10 sci-fi mystery the main characters are… so wonderful. They are extreme but I love them so much. I’ll protect them to the end of days. I have this book over it’s… I guess in the same universe book Winter’s Orbit because I think the mystery suspense is more intense in Ocean’s echo also much more spacey sci-fi. Romance is also arranged marriage but is VERY different from winters orbit. I wish… I wish this book wasn’t associated with the other because it gets unfairly compared because the narrator is the same etc but Ocean’s Echo is great in its own right and is definitely not a copy

7. Winter’s Orbit 8.5/10 MYSTERY sci-fi edging on fantasy. Arranged marriage. Slow burn. These characters are also 10/10 I love them. I have experienced an abusive relationship before and appreciated seeing a character with the scars a similar past. Often if a character is portrayed as in an abusive relationship they focus on the event but it effects Everything in your world. Even now I have these scars after 8 years. I loved the mystery it was the main focus which I liked. The romance felt natural.

8. Fragile Remedy 8/10 one of the first books I read it made me cry and was a good single dystopian gem. Had a real… divergent hunger games kind of vibe to the world from what I remember.

9. Lightning struck heart 7/10 classic fantasy this is what I said on my insta at the time “It is an extremely comedic fantasy adventure with wizards, unicorns, knights, and dragons. Right up my alley! However the ending was disappointing. I'll listen to the next book in the series and hope it improves. Just found character arch unbelievable in last chapters.”

10. A wish upon a star by tj klune ^follow up books I read like 4 of them 5/10 I did stop listening to it this is what I said on my insta “Well I continued listening the tales of verania series and made it to the original end of the series. I'd say if you want a gay fantasy comedy without too much thinking Listen to the audio. Narrator is the biggest part of why I didn't quit. Idk if I'll read the other books though it is very friendship is magic smooth brain ideas I've read”

Unable to finish (been desperately trying to find a lesbian story and finding nothing)

Girl, Serpent, Thorn 4/10 my review from insta “Unable to finish it. The world is interesting. The first 3rd seemed promising but after major conflict the writing goes way down. But the MC doesn't grow. The f/f is so shallow it made me roll my.eyes until I had to stop listening. Wanted the bad guy to win and kill everyone”

The Midnight Girls. So intensely annoying and childish. I couldn’t do it I think I made it to chapter 3 but it was a struggle.

In the ravenous dark. I got to one third of the audio book and had to stop. The universe was okay but main girl was very annoying. Was kind of hoping her and the ghost would be together not… not the weird bullshit that was going on. Idk what the end of the book was going to be but it was not for me.

I’ll post another with my current to read list. I’m really going through them now because I have to drive two hours a day to and from work. Give me your suggestions though please thank you.

[mikuni14]

4 Minutes - Ep 1-2

I haven't had much free time to keep up with all the series lately, I was planning to catch up and influenced by @my-rose-tinted-glasses enthusiasm I decided to watch 4 Minutes first 😘

So, ok. I love it.

First of all, I'm writing this before diving into the 4 Minutes tag, so I have no idea about the most popular theories. I have a few of my own working theories, but I don't feel like writing about them right now hehe. I will write what I like tho!

very good execution, but it's BOC, so no surprises here

aesthetics, actors, everything is 💯💯

I really like the mystery, suspense, crime, ambiguity, confusion, slow discovery of new plots, a certain kind of darkness that already created the delicious vibe in DFF ✨ I also like the pleasure and satisfaction I feel as a viewer, when I see something that I suspect might happen, it happens and the series doesn't force the opposite, doing stupid, illogical or ooc things, just to shock and surprise me (looking at you GoT). For example, I knew that Title wasn't found dead in this field, and when it turned out that he was alive, it didn't take away my pleasure from guessing it in any way. I love it when a show lets viewers guess what's going to happen and respects their intelligence

no matter what universe, Jet plays a complete dick who is in conflict with Mio's character ✨

Mio, Mio, Mio, Mio!! 💖💖💖💖 I gasped when I saw him, I'm literally conditioned to love this guy. He's ruthless and uncompromising again, gosh, my heart 💖💖💖(fair warning: I'm going to be insufferable about him, so be prepared 🤡)

the sex scenes are as bold and high-quality as ever

traditionally for BOC we have a juxtaposition of rich and poor, corruption, tragic choices caused by poverty, exploitation, overworking, fulfilling the expectations of ruthless parents, wealth as well as poverty being the source of crime

Bible plays a poor rich boy, which I really like. I also like his pairing, which wasn't at all predictable and obvious, because I'm probably the only person in the world who can't stand his pairing in KP (please don't hate me)

luckily Bible is a Cat Person and it shows, because he uses a Special Voice to talk to the kitty. The cat is relaxed, which is an exception in BL series 😑 (isn't that his cat? they seemed close 🥺)

of course I must comment on the BL in the BL series. So… yes! It's good! Bible as Great is wonderful but then again I didn't expect anything else from him. Tbh I was worried about what his partner would be like, whom I didn't know. Jes turned out to be sensational, first of all you can see his experience, he's 32 years old (!), as Tyme he's an absolutely captivating mix of an intimidating professional at work and adorable baka when he's just some dude liking a guy 😄 I really liked how the series is serious for the whole 1st episode, most of the 2nd and then suddenly there's a scene of Tyme smoothing out his feathers in a peacock mode, emphasizing his figure and shapely butt to look nice for his crush, it was so funny and cute. Also when he awkwardly tried to flirt with Great, the faces he made when he realized how clumsy he was lmao. I love the kind of men in BL shows who are strong and masculine but who turn into fluffy, awkward teddy bears 🐻 in the presence of their loved ones. When I saw Tyme in ep1 I thought he was going to be a stereotypical seme and I'm so glad the show lets him be a normal person.

It's interesting that Great gets a second chance every time he does something wrong 🤔 And I wonder why he sees a future with Tyme? This kind of future? Hm.

Overall I love 4 Minutes, I'm officially hooked. It's very interesting, intriguing and spicy, there are a lot of plots that are starting to overlap and connect, the series has actors that I like (some I even like a lot! just seeing Mio and hearing Bible speak English accounts for like 74% of my enjoyment lol), it's not afraid of controversial topics, the series doesn't treat viewers like children, the execution is at a very high level, Jes and JJay show infatuation at first sight in a very convincing way, the romances started very interestingly and I've watched the Tyme/Great scenes a few times already.

That means 3 series to obsess over in a week! Lucky me! ✌

(I might edit this post by adding some gifs later)

[tanenigiri]

I'm floored that people are still liking and reblogging the collage of BL and BL-adjacent works that I reviewed two (!!) years ago. I haven't stopped growing my collection of manga, so I figured I'd make a sort-of Part 2 with a collage of some other fluffy slice-of-life BL and BL-adjacent titles I've enjoyed ever since I ended that project.

While I don't have time to give them full-fledged reviews like before, you can find some of my quick thoughts on each of them under the cut. I recommend all of these titles just as much as the 18 I included in the first collage - if you liked any of those, give these 10 stories a try!

Hirano and Kagiura by Shou Harusono - From the creator of Sasaki and Miyano and set in the same universe, this series revolves around one of Miyano's senpais and the roommate that he's been shipping him with since the start. This is every bit as charming and wholesome as Sasaki and Miyano, though I think this is a lot more chaotic considering the more hilarious take on the main pair's dynamic. I did a more comprehensive review of its first volume here if you wanna check it out.

Candy Color Paradox by Isaku Natsume - I'm not usually a big fan of enemies to lovers - the tropes they work with are rarely my cup of tea. This is one of the few stories I've read where that dynamic works really well, though, with these two reporters clashing a lot early on but finding out that they're exactly what the other needs. I wasn't too sold on the first volume but the second one really brought me onboard - I thought they treated the personal conflicts of one of the main characters incredibly well there.

My Brother's Husband by Gengoroh Tagame - More BL-adjacent than BL, this tells the story of a man reconnecting with the husband of his late brother (and no, there isn't any romance involved at all - this is a family-centric story first and foremost). It doesn't focus entirely on dealing with this loss, though - it's also a look into the protagonist's own family dynamics and troubles, with his daughter being a very prominent character here a la Tane in Our Dining Table. One of my favorites of this batch as it has a lot of heart and soul poured into it.

My Love Mix-Up by Watanu Hinekure and Aruko - The most comedic title here, this takes the misunderstanding trope to a really funny direction and builds a really good story out of it. The main couple is very adorable, and their dynamic with the side couple evolves in such a fun way that I ended up seeing this as a story about the four of them that just so happens to have two couples. If you watched the live action, the manga has a slightly different take on the story, and of course it spends more time on certain plot points, but it has the same chaotic and hilarious vibe.

Hyperventilation by Bboungbbangkkyu - I've only read a few Korean BLs, but this one is easily my favorite of the ones I've read so far. This is a lot steamier than most of the titles in this and in the previous collage, but those scenes are surrounded by a heartfelt dynamic between its two leads who are realizing that the connection they shared back in high school was a lot deeper than they thought. If you've watched the animation of this title, the manhwa's pretty much that but in book form, but I did notice some differences in the manhwa that made the story stronger in my opinion.

I'm Kinda Chubby and I'm Your Hero by Nore - I was slightly wary of this title since body image issues are quite difficult to tackle, but it turned out to not really be the focus of the story - one of the protagonists just happens to be chubby, and while there is some discussion on it, this story focuses a lot more on his growth as an actor and his newfound dynamic with the story's other protagonist. It's a really sweet story at its core, and the pun is definitely intended as the other protagonist is a pastry chef lol. (I'm also not sure if I would consider this as BL or BL-adjacent, coz by the second volume (which is the latest one so far) they aren't really together, but you can definitely sense that their dynamic goes beyond friendship.)

That Blue Sky Feeling by Okura and Coma Hashii - Picked this up mainly because the story is by the same person behind I Think Our Son Is Gay, one of my favorites in the original project. This has a slightly similar vibe, where it focuses more on exploring homosexuality and identity instead of romance, and it does so with the same interesting depth that Okura did in the other work. This one definitely has more BL tropes than I Think Our Son Is Gay though, and I'm more inclined to call it BL than BL-adjacent.

I Want to Be a Wall by Honami Shirono - "Marriage of convenience between a gay man and an asexual woman" is such an incredible pitch that I picked this up immediately, and I really enjoyed it for what it is. Said asexual woman is also a fujoshi, and the man that her husband is crushing on (who is straight) is a prominent supporting character, so you can imagine the hilarity that ensues. This isn't a comedy though - it's very much a heartwarming tale about identity and finding joy in a situation that isn't exactly the best.

Delinquent Daddy and Tender Teacher by Tama Mizuki - Already the second title here that has the same two-male-leads-plus-child dynamic as Our Dining Table - do you see the clear bias hahaha. This is quite far from that story and My Brother's Husband though, and I honestly thought that this was going to be trashier than it was because of the title, but I really shouldn't have judged this book by its cover as it's a great story about family and building connections with each other. It ended up being closer to Would You Like To Be a Family? in that regard, but this takes the time to flesh out the relationship between the two protagonists and the child, creating a silly but heartwarming dynamic.

Hello, Green Days by Ayu Sakumoto - Stumbled upon this short story online, and it has stayed with me ever since even if it doesn't have a physical English release (yet?). The dynamic between the protagonists is really sweet, and how it weaves in the plant talk (one of the main characters is a botany major) into the story is very clever. I also did a more comprehensive review of this before, so check it out here if you want.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I hope you found more titles to add to your to-read list.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Some Surprises

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

NOV 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Fourever You (Thai Thurs YT) ep 5 of 16 - I love this show, but I absolutely hate the main couple's communication style. Or complete lack of communication style. I really hope the other couples are not gonna be this bad and it’s just because this one is leaning into the worst of BL archetypes. But I’m not confident. Poor Ter dating Hill put a big old target on his back. Earth being a dramatic stressed gay queen was peak comedy tho. Apparently the good kisses are only on WeTV (I am annoyed) so props to the giffers who keep me supplied. You're doing the BL gods work.

I suddenly realized, after the bullying sequence, that one of the reasons I’m liking this so much is it reminds me of early Japanese yaoi. There’s something about the dynamics of the characters and the way they're reacting to situations that’s not very Thai BL feeling. And if I think of this is more JBL, I forgive it. Or maybe that’s just why I’m liking it so much despite its flaws? Difficult to understand my own feels about this show.

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - I don’t like this new evil-bonkers rich kid character and whatever is going on with Jack and Rose and that whole story. It’s boring. And then my brain short circuited. No further thoughts... just War in a wife beater. 

Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 7 of 15 - Phun's bitch face really is epically wonderful. I kinda enjoy everybody ribbing the two of them because they have no idea what’s actually going on. I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here.

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - Omg cutest boyfriends EVER. I don’t even mind how cheesy their bf era is. Does this lull jive with the rest of the story? Nope. But ya know that’s GMMTV’s thing these days, flailing during the final act.

Perfect 10 Liners (Thai Sun YouTube?) ep 1 of 24 - Pretty standard Thai BL university fair. I am hoping it’s better than ForceBook’s previous offering. Yet another sniff test. Is this the trope of the year? Meanwhile, they also deployed the crash into me trope in episode one. Who do they think they are? Taiwan?

New is directing this uni BL with a massive cast + massive run time. It's an endurance test ya'll - we will be watching this until APRIL of 2025! Su su na.

Every You Every Me (Thai Mon Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - I really like that they had the bandwidth to give us a little side couple with this installment. Fun crumbs. Meanwhile, the thing with the shirt in front of the mirror was extremely sexy. This installment was very sad though. And, of course, I’m not happy about it. To top it all off, next week is musical themed, so you know I’m disgruntled about it. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 3 of 13 - Aw spoiled neglected rich boy wants to be cared for and spoiled honestly. I do love them. Also tiny idiot syndrome is spreading. 

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 6 of ? - The side couple (teacher student, hyung romance but he’s using em) interesting. Not sure how I feel about them. The subs are so bad it’s largely incomprehensible but I’m still enjoying it for no defensible reason. 

My Damn Business (Korea Sat YT) eps 5 of 7 - I love that our uke can be such a little shit. I love it when a tsundere has some serious snark and attitude to back his petulance up. Also liquid courage. At least we got to the root of the tsundere. Also neck kisses and cuddles! 

Eccentric Romance (Korea Weds Viki) eps 7-8 of 12 - Oooo, cute kiss. Drunken but adorable. I do like it when they use older Korean actors in KBL, they actually know how to kiss. Has the kiss saved this show? Possibly. I’m shallow. 

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 7 of 10 eps - Our con man is such a good little homemaker. And it’s sexy yukata time! Love this trope. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Same plot as the Thai original, only from Japan. Very similar so far. I hope Rei is a bit more smart and Arashi is a bit less of a sleaze. I still get too much secondhand embarrassment and my mame alert is blaring.  I'm wary.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun iQIYI) eps 1-2 - Triggers for child abuse, alcoholism. Two artists, one an abused rich kid and the other a tough scrappy poor kid, in the same art prep school. I of course adore the side couple of the much younger kid and the older teacher. Oh, I do like it. But it's CBL, I'm very scared as to where it might go.

Bad to Bed (Taiwan Sat YouTube) ep 1 of 10 - Influencer Wan Xiong suffers from insomnia, it’s a physical and mental battle. As he tried to find a solution, he encounters five boys along the way. I'm putting this on the list because it's airing and I just found out about it but I didn't have time to watch it yet. I hear it's v weird.

It's airing but...

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) 10 eps - Supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - I DNF'd at ep 7, I couldn't make it. I am weak. Life is hard enough right now, this show is making it harder. It’s not what I want from my entertainment.

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (Korea Thurs Gaga) eps 4 of 8 - I put this one on pause. It's too heavy for me right now. I'll wait to know if the ending is hard fought happy (and then watch) or not (and won't finish). Sorry all, rough times this side of the screen.

Random I watched it

Vending Machine Sabi Koi AKA Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan 2023) - This show is utterly adorable, impossibly awkward, and kinda old fashioned. About a cute nerdy little office worker (he's out!) who has a big'ol crush on the tall hulking vending machine guy. They fall in love. And that’s it. And it’s charming. There’s some first name eroticism, because Japan, and there's emphasis on communication, which is so not Japan, but turns this into an organically loving and talkative relationship. There’s a bit of an age gap, and our office cutie may or may not have a muscles fetish (the hot bod not the shellfish) because (if I’ve told you once I’ve told you 1 million times) Japan always goes kinky. And you know what, I loved it. 9/10

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

November BL:

11/4 Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Mon Gaga?) 11 eps - Minase was an exemplary high school student who hates Hirukawa, head bully and top delinquent. But then Minase uncovers Hirukawa’s secret and the two get intimate.

11/15 Caged Again (Thai Fri WeTV) 10 eps - Penguin escapes zoo by turning into a human. Gets trapped again and a panther falls in love with him.

11/17 Your Sky (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - Due to an unforeseen situation, a naive freshman and the campus’s popular senior agree to pretend to be a couple - but their fake deal begins to generate real feelings.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Honor the crumbs indeed. This pair is so much crumbs it's practically dust. (Love Sick 2014)

God he is so stupidly in love.

(lask week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Perfect 10 Liners time! I was out of town, and then rather desperately attempting to catch up with a whole bunch of shows, so didn't have time to share my silly little thoughts on the last couple of episodes. But I am very much digging the PerthSanta combo! Much like Arc, there is a touch of the old school with Yotha (hiding feelings behind a wall of cold), but I like how Perth is playing with letting the mask slip. This is the first lead role I've seen Santa in, and I am adoring him.

I love that we get little glimpses of the ArcArm domestic era.

Pure fluffy goodness.

Yotha is totally going to make Gun wear those ears during sex someday.

Fai's delight at his brother being so whipped is bringing me life.

Ha, and giving him a hard time about everything. Perfect sibling energy.

What I find particularly funny is how much of this lunchtime convo is Yotha finding every opportunity to show off to everyone how close he is to Gun. They were at the bar together, he's talked to Gun's mom. He is 100% staking his claim here.

Lol, Lookwa is such a BL mom staple. But also, what the hell did she do to these kids? I hate seeing Faifa's light just vanish when she's present.

Ah, this explains a lot.

The fact that Yotha is most angry about her hurting Fai hits straight to the heart.

I do wish we would get more characters gently suggesting therapy to one another, because Yotha definitely needs some.

I do like how much we see Wa wanting to still be Yotha's friend, because it is proof that Yotha is genuinely a good guy, who has just lost his way a bit.

Oh no, I am not ok. Not my precious babies.

Logically I love that we have a plotline about toxic jealousy and how much it fucks things up, and how you need to have a boundary around it (and that is how you enforce a boundary Klao, well done!), but also it's my AouBoom, and I do not like them in pain. Oh god, their historical series this year is so going to fuck me up, isn't it?

Oh, this episode is going to be full of heart punches. Fantastic.

Also, I do have to laugh a little at Gun moving into the one dorm in all of BL that has constant power outages. The universe wants this man to be cuddled every night.

As much as I make fun of the college BL, I do really appreciate that even series like this, which are not super deep, take the time to distance themselves from the old toxic tropes of the past. In the old tropes, Yotha would be an asshole and it would just be acceptable. Here, they make a point of how him lashing out genuinely hurt Gun, and it's not ok.

Lol, Yotha is so bad at relationships, good lord. Fortunately for him, at this stage, Gun is willing to accept a "let me kiss you and climb on top of you" as an apology, but it's not going to work every time, Yotha. At some point, you will need to learn to use words.

One thing GMMTV will nail every time is the friend group dynamics.

There's something so cute about Fai, who is friends with literally everyone, always coming back to this little group. He really enjoys being with his future brother-in-law, and I love that for them both.

Not Yotha deliberately taking off the tie so he could get Gun to put it on in front of the entire class...

Honestly, I do respect Yotha's ability to not care what anyone around him thinks.

I am so here for the Arm Gun friendship, they are clearly soulmates.

Also this brother dynamic.

At some point we need a series that is told exclusively from the point of these background characters, who keep seeing romantic and dramatic moments playing out in class while they're trying to study.

No, Boom, no smoking! It's so unsexy.

Of course that's the moment Gun walks back. This episode is trying to hurt me personally.

It doesn't help that I'm realizing I am so much like Gun in so many ways. Oh sweetie, we really feel things deeply, don't we.

Ohhh, and the matching tattoos. Oh, the pain for little Beagle.

Lol, Klao is just apparently always ready to throw down. I guess at least this time it was channeled in the right direction.

Also, kids, if you get repeatedly punched and then hit in the head with a board, please go to the hospital.

Yes Fai! Call him out.

I'm so glad Yai is done with the enabling. Now get Yotha to go to therapy!

Hmm, I think all of these boys could use some therapy. I hate saying this about an AouBoom couple, but they are not ready to get back together yet.

I like how seriously they are treating this. There is so much casual fighting in BLs, but it is genuinely upsetting to see in real life.

Also Fai continues to be the most emotionally intelligent guy we've seen in a long time. He's such a good friend. Wine is going to be so well taken care of.

God, Santa is killing this scene.

Can we take a moment and just appreciate these three? This material could feel so flat in the wrong hands, but they are elevating the hell out of it. Faifa's anger, Yotha's desperation, Gun's pain.

Say what you want about GMMTV, but they sure as hell know how to find and cultivate talent.

Also I am just continually falling more in love with Fai.

Aww, they're all looking out for Gun. Good boys.

Worst acting job in the world, Arm. Fortunately, Gun is hella naive.

My poor baby. I feel for you Gun!

Yotha, I told you that you would need to learn to use words.

Woof, what a feelings ride this week!