#just out of reach but he can feel that theyre there
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In love with the idea of OldDaniel feeling firstly ashamed by the seeming age gap (firstly, he'll eventually make it his brand let's be real) between him and Armand, and Armand just being so so excited cause this (their weird problematic dynamic) just got so much worse (better)
This especially makes me think of a fic I read a while ago that really stuck with me where D and A finally reunite in one of Daniel's book premieres and Armand makes his appearance as Daniel's very young student/college, reads everybody's mind on how inappropriate their relationship must be and says to Daniel how he'll apply to college, get a job as a barista and start saying he doesn't even have his driver's license just to make their whole thing seemingly worse. and of course he says it in front of one of Daniel's daughters. Anyways, the point is their voyeuristic style can never be reached
WOHOOOO BABY ‼️‼️‼️ armand daniel age gap so funny to me because of course its the other way around but the faux scandal. like the taboo of it all. & they think theyre so fucking funny. daniel is like hes older than he looks i swear & then armand is like mr molloy can you help me with my ap calc homework. & daniel is a pervert so as much as i think he'll make a big show out of being like ugh i cant do this what will Thr World Think he'll give up on that in about three seconds. bless.
anyway can you send me the fic i think ive read it before but im not sure. yeah they are fucking crazy. also armand people who dont have a drivers license yet rep rise ✊😔
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Gene’s missing most of his memories from his life before the nether because his solution to feeling upset is to just, erase whatever’s making him feel that way about the nether. He can’t remember his mom’s face or her name, or the little street cat he used to sneak food to whenever he went on patrol, or how happy he was playing with Dante when they were little. He can’t remember how nice it felt to sit in the rain or what it was like laying in the grass to watch the stars, or how Dante would always come sleep in his room during storms and he’d pretend the thunder didn’t scare him too.
AUGH im gonna start . cryinf
#❄.txt#ask box#he just wants to go home and be normal. but he cant#so he tries to get rid of everythng that makes him homesick#erasing everything about himself until he can barely remember his own name#just to have the illusion of everything being fine#with my own hc that he cant really erase memories all he can do is hide them very very deep so that theyre nearly impossible to find#he keeps remembering bits and pieces and trying to shove them down and forget again#because it hurts to remember everything hes lost because he cant travel back in time and go back#when he finally stops erasing his memories its like theres an empty space where his past should be#like his memories are a word on the tip of his tongue#just out of reach but he can feel that theyre there#im not crying u are#since u mentioned that he befriended a stray cat that he used to feed#now imagine gene and the cat but the end of the odyssey where odysseus comes home and he sees his dog again and its really heartwarming#and then the dog fucking Dies (and i begin crying)#ur welcome for the pain i have caused ❤
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Idk if this is a controversial opinion but I low-key hate when people make Kim and his brothers distant but decide Kim is besties with Vegas at the same time
Kim had no problem walking into a random warehouse and immediately shooting at Vegas on sight
Like idc if it's just that Vegas and Kim are friends/friendly but it's when they specifically add that they are friends and Kim hates his brothers/does not interact with them but he kept in touch with Vegas?
#I personally feel like in canon Kim is at best neutral on Vegas but more likely has the same#feelings as Kinn and Tankhun and heavily dislikes/hates Vegas/the minor family in general#Like I understand it probably comes from Kim doesn't want to be in the#in the mafia*#then Vegas also gets out of it when his dad dies but it feels forced to me#(forced isnt the right word but i cant think rn)#i really can not see any circumstance where kim is willingly and happily reaching out to vegas to become friends#this extends to when people make chay friends with pete#kim is a reserved person why would he ever reach out to a cousin he has been taught to hate for years#even if theyre family tensions got resolved kim is not going out of his way to be friends#and i can not see vegas doing that either#any reason kim has to not interact with his brothers would surely somewhat extend to vegas?#idk if this is just a me thing but the second i see kim and vegas are best friends it annoys me#kim is not going to vegas over his brothers idc how bad his relationship is with them#if hes too paranoid to trust his brothers why would he trust vegas?#kim theerapanyakul#vegas theerapanyakul#mine
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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me when i find the PERFECT mtt song (yamitsuki,,,,,,,, maretu my king how did you do it,,,,,,,,,,,,, literally HOW did you do it why is this song weirdly accurate wtf and its for a completely different character 2??? HOW DID YOU DO THIS??? THE ENTIRE FUCKING SONG FITS??? THE ENTIRE SONG COULD BE MADE TO HAVE CONNECTIONS WITH ONLY MILD REACHING??? HELLO??????) (this translation!!!) (the translation is not.linking i will be shooting myself. its the on on the vocaloid wiki NOTthe video....)
literally like. 1/3 is horror. 1/3 is dust. and then the last is killer. in that order. the first 2 verses talk about bloodshot pain (bloodshot EYES.... HORROR'S EYE) and a rotting fatal wound (THE FUCKING HEAD CRACK!!! HIS GODDAMN HEAD WOUND!!!!). commiting brutality. i dont think much else is needed. wrong/right and judging biases,,,,, jesus fuck wtf. AND THEN in the next verse there's a mention of "starving for necessary evil" HELLO!!!! HELLO!!!!!!! him starving himself while also feeding snowdin human which totally sucks,,,,,, horror sans,,,,,,???? chorus of shrill voices (duh snowdin. or also could be undyne and royale guard. i like snowdin more). and then the last line of the second verse mentions sadism. nothing more to say. horror sans i mayhaps perchance mightve just encountered you in a song. or maybe the translation is freakily accurate and the song itself isnt that specific (probably but hey i can dream)
and then th next 2 verses r dust except i dont really know about the first verse but also a line that says "this is the death of the conflict, come and see me" could be referring to the human's death which like. man. and then the next verse is just dust sans but in a single verse. give me more excellent pain could be interpreted as LV but also the mental pain that comes with yk..... killing all you love.LOVE. LV. he needs more LV... anyways. mad off the beaten track. MAD. MENTION OF MAD LIKE CRAZY LIKE MAD TIME LIKE DUST SANS!!!! echoes of a haughty voice resound,,,,, phantom paps,,,,, "severe punishment, 100 renouned sights, i long for pure pessimism" i cant explain this one well i think but just think about it okay. this time you get to be the one coming up with the ideas (σ´∀`)σ
killer only has one verse that i can link this song 2 but i also think its th most freakily accurate. verse 1 is "through instantaneous joy, entertain me for my whole life, i'm cunningly"LUCKY". i get completely bored. give me pleasure without worry. and now, right away." and then "i'd rather head to eternal darkness. i'll abide by you always, emptily "HAPPY". i shed tears from my clear white eyes. come and show me your best smile!" HELP HELP HELP THEYRE SHOOTING ME HELP HELP!!!! THEY JUMPING ME (these lyrics) because WTFyhis isFREAKILY accurate. the entire first verse and its spiel on boredom and having someone else manage the entertainment/emotions,,,, and the cunningly lucky part is just. i think the word cunning is just really good to describe killer (sneaky little bastard) and then he's "lucky" emphasis on quotes because idk he got chosen for whatever the fuck his chara wants. what luck. really bad luck but whatever. and then MORE on the following another person and EMPTILY!!! EMPTY!!! KILLER FEEL NOTHING EMPTY!!!! fake happy too,,,, and killer has white eyelights sooo IM NOT REACHING!!! also he literally cries
in conclusion MARETU is a god amongst men and somehow this song managed to fit the mtt i have no idea how. next coming up: how NAMIDA fits horror. how thirst fits dust. how i'm high fits killer. idk if i already said this one probably did BUT JUST IN CASE maretu also has maegamist,,,,, maretu i knew i listened to you for a reason. so i could make totally irrational and unreasonable connections of your songs to the fucking murder time trio of all things. what joy
#me when i complain about not listening to music in english and then i see this GEM#yk what... its okay i'll never get to understand songs on the first listen#its OK that ill never get to have it easy when it comes to lyric translations...... ITS OK!#i might totally be upset that i cant just point to a song and be like this is mtt or something because i have to check the fucking wiki#this is your sign to listen to more vocaloid. you probably already do but like. LISTEN TO MORE#last years spotify wrapped for me was all pepoyo can i be considered a true fan now#everysong is murder time trio if you reach hard enough. if you just SQUINT..... you can see them in it#cannot believe ive been listening to this the entire time and i never checked the lyrics to see#see this is why!!! im missing out on mtt content if i dont check lyrics!!!!!!!!#and the songs a fucking banger too. i love how dramatic snd threatening it gets on the killer section#idk i just think the chanting in the background is cool. and so killer. thats him btw. he's waving wave back to him!!!!!#i cant WAIT for Spotify wrapped this year.... im so excited to see#i already know who's gonna be number 1 (my queen pepoyo) but still#i found lonePi later in this year so i wanna know if lonepi managed to beat maretu or not. probably not idk#theres a lot of songs i consider mtt related. theyre in a differently filed section of music in my head than everything else#tricule rant#days of not posting about mtt has my brain thinking about them in overtime#or these are just built up ideas from the past few days i didnt talk about. eitherway a person that thinks all the time#i dont feel like making more posts explaining those last few songs i mentioned in the last paragraph#if you read the lyrics on the wiki youll understand. if not you need to adapt my mindset
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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something something still writing my curse of strahd fic. having to find ways to make it more difficult since theyre coming in from being level 13 post game
#starting off with them all separated is a great start methinks#also might have it where being in strahds domain is temporarily inhibiting them a couple levels (that they get back if they defeat him)#like he subconsciously inhibits anyone to be more powerful than him past a certain level to keep them from usurping him#also for context i have a headcanon post game that they miss the telepathic connections the tadpole gave them post game#and they want a way to keep in contact if theyre far from each other or even on different planes#so they work to get a very powerful set of rings for all the origin characters that have rarys telepathic bond on them#that allow them to communicate telepathically no matter the distance or plane with anyone else wearing the ring#a little bit like the ward rings you can find in act 2 that let you ward with the other wearer no matter the distance#and so if theyre ever adventuring together and are separated they also use it to their advantage to communicate via telepathy on how to meet#depending on who's using the ring to communicate too they have a unique presence/feeling to whoever theyre reaching out to#for gale its electric because i can imagine the weave imbued in him and having a sort of sparky magical feel#for astarion every function seems to slow and they get a bit more chill because of him being undead#etc etc sort of thing#and its grate because the cos book literally specifies about spells that allow message or communication and strahd being able to listen in#so im going to use that as a really good point of fear after a certain scene i have planned#that way to deter them from using the rings so they can get nerfed again#im seriously really excited for this#i have so many post game astarion/soleil adventuring fics planned based off official campaigns and even some of my own#and im so excited for all of them#i promise the strahd fic is not the only one already in the works its just that this is the one im more actively writing currently and have#the most written for at the moment
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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also. i love my cool awesome little sibling frisk so much they are so great. also im at a constant war with myself inside my head because i headcanon them to be 8 during the events of undertale (chara died at 10, asriel died at 11 so theyre the youngest), but toddler frisk has my heart in a vice grip in their chubby little baby hands. toddler frisk is so great
#I CAN NEVER MAKE UP MY MIND.. IVE ALWAYS HEADCANONED THEM AS 8 BUT ITS SO FUNNY IF THEYRE LIKE. 4#its also funny to imagine sans stalking them and fucking giving them death threats when theyre like. a baby#that one comic where him and frisk are eating dinner and sans is like so whatchu want kid#and they can barely reach the table from where theyre sitting and go. i cant read#and hes like umm.......... hey. how old are you.#and they struggle with counting on their fingers for a bit before holding up 3 fingers and go 'dis many'#and then sans just has flashbacks to the 'youd be dead where you stand' bit#its one of my favorite comics hehe ^__^#anyway i got off topic regardless of if frisk is a tiny baby or a slightly less tiny baby i love thm so much and they r my sibling#also i love thinking about both them and papyrus playing wingman 4 me n sans respectively#with frisk being a baby about it and making kissy faces and singing the sitting in a tree song and stuff#and papyrus being supportive and excited about helping sans out at first. then just getting really fucking tired and exasperated#cherry chats#why am i suddenly embarrassed about talking about me and sans......................... i thought i was past this#but for some reason talking about us just now made me feel embarrassed and silly. wweird
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Oh god i use the tags like a closed captions for my inner monologue
To all the Tumblr users who tend to use tags very liberally:
Let’s play a game.
Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.
you, also, what, when, why, how, look, because, never
#maybe somewhere or something you haven’t even encountered but long for or feel connected to#amd also thank you.#the alt+0153 thing didnt work whatamidoingwrong helllpppp#when its 4:45 am for me and i kid you not ive been on here for over 8 hours (not including this morning) today trying to ignore exactly that#because im the raccoon thats why#the characters and how theyre built?#im not even gonna do anything to em i just think he looks pretty like that#because#both of them are so much of my world but im isolated in this lake where i can only reach out into the water with my mind and never my words
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read asoue to weeman as a bedtime story he liked it YAYYYY
#i set up a oneblock mc workd 4 him bc hes been obsessed w them#took me a while bc im an idiot FJFBFNN but i got it. nd he was having fun but itsba school night#but he was in my room playing so eventually i convinced him to turn off mc (meryl my computer came in with an assist (battery low warning so#i could say I think meryl is getting tired....)) so then he helped me turn it off but was still so sad#so i offered for him to stay cozy in my room 4 awhile and we sat together and then i said we could read a story together#so he read his favorite book 2 me (not a box if anybody is curious) and then i relized my copies of asoue r in storage at current moment#Which was the bummer. but i checked out the ebook from my library in wa YAYY I LOVE LIBRARIES#so i was reading that to him :] and he was super into it asking me abt words i didnt know he even asked me Why is his last name snicket...#as if the name lemony isnt weirder NRNTJFNhes funny#but ya. and he was asking me questions abt the story (How did that fire start.... Maybe they left the oven on too long 😥😥😥) but he was#rly into it... i was a bit worried itd be a bit too sad 4 him But i underestimated him . he was very sad when their parents died but very#invested. we got abt midway through chapter 4 (klaus had just said the thing abt olaf only giving them one bed) and then he started#fake snoring. so i carried him to his room and then unfortunately he noticed that his phone was charged so he decided to play on that a bit#before bed . sigh . I did my best#nd then i told my mom and she had the gall to be like Sigh when i said he grabbed his ohone and its like. Well thatis bc you gave him a#phone to play on and whenever you dont feel like listening to him when he wants to tell you things you distract him with any screen in reach#like. yk. itis entirely your alls fault. and i feel bad#hes such a sweet kid and yes he does have a tendency to talk a lot bc hes . an autistic 6 year old who loves a lot of things and is excited#to share. yk. but most everyone just ignores him and i feel bad...#i try my best to listen sometimes i have trouble following but like. yk.#and a lot of the stuff is abt whatever youtubers hes watching which. sigh. but whtevr#idk. i worry abt him having a phone with internet access like. hes only got kids youtube and stuff but. well i dont love kids having access#to the internet so young <- guy who was doing erp with strangers online at age 7.#but. waghhhhhhfhfhrbfufbfjr. wtvr#anyways. im glad he liked the story at least im hoping i can get him into reading more#he likes reading but im gonna ask my mom if i can get all my books out of storage#theyre like. hes still quite young for most of them but ive got some old junie b jones#and i think tag would like a lot of them as well ... neither of them read a lot it makes me sad but its. understandable. my parents didnt#teach tag to read like at all and they still struggle with it#so i cannot blame them. but i think the books i liked at their age r things theyd like so ! yk.
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maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister
#my point being i keep seeing oc post and going ‘omg me about sammy’ but sammy isnt an oc. technically#i literally wont even change his name if i do ever just make him all mine. i love him sammy is my bff forevers.#sammy smiles real wide and has sharp canines. he cant stand silence and talks to himself CONSTANTLY and its worse around other people#he interrupts people a lot by accident. and is really bad about holding friendships and doesnt reach out to people. after he took max in it#was impossible to shut him up bc someone was actually there now. he has serious trust issues and thinks ppl dont like him bc he thinks#everyone to have some big secret theyre all collectively keeping from him to keep him ‘’safe’’ which stems from. his mom doing this to him#about his sister and dad she just straight up refused to tell him until he found out on his own. so for 11 years he knew that. they for sure#you cant just split up your family in half in a divorce. something seems incredibly wrong about that but he didnt know what actually#happened there. also they were young when she died but he still felt like a part of him went missing and without the knowledge she died he#assumed. hed see her again and fill that hole. and of course that wasnt true. so anyway he struggles to make and keep friends#hes had like 8 different partners who lasted more than a month (most of them didnt want to deal with max) and he cant keep any of them bc a#a lot of people meet this cute charming guy with a lot to say and realize hes literally like this all the time and it stops being cute and#starts being annoying. he wanted to have kids bc he really likes kids but nobody wants him unfortunately and also he had. max for 8 years#and max is for sure his kid (from his perspective max is weird about it bc max thinks of his dad. as his Parent and sammy as more of#brother) but like max was not really what he was thinking when he thought he wanted kids right. and he feels bad about thinking that but#he does. think that. he wants a kid of his own. sammy is a therapist for kids with trauma specifically so that also impacts his ability to#have a kid. he worries that. bc of his personal experience of what Can happen that he may in turn be a helicopter parent or way#overprotective. yknow. he#ive got to go to bed omg. i got enough thoughts down!!!!#simons spouting#a lot of this is just awfully written but you cant read back or edit tags on mobile. not my fault
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reading an article by a research psychiatrist from dublin uni on Marlene Dietrich's npd and alcoholism and sex addiction like. Ohhhhhh this makes so much sense. Bit of gender envy, but also recognizing myself in someone who was as he says "totally humourless, permanently grand and completely self-obsessed". I love her. Joan Crawford too.
no wonder so many of the woman who had power back then had npd. Apparently Joan Crawford (famously) and Bette Davis too (surprise to me). But the alcoholism and sex addiction too lol, makes me wanna self destruct as though it would be totally glam. Make it all romantic in my head even though the reality of it is that its totally miserable to live that way. Jessica Lange had an amazing interview talking about portraying Crawford. She's so sympathetic and doesn't pathologize her its SO COOL I love it Jessica Lange on What She Learned About Joan Crawford While Making "Feud" (youtube.com) its so cool.
#seeing only himself but not recognizing himself he falls deeper and deeper in love until he dies . reaching out trying to connect with the#world and people around you and only finding more of yourself but every now and then you see something that looks like maybe theyre like yo#its like omg. I'm normal ! Loads of people have been like this. Its ok. They were never happy either in their whole lives but they survived#the impact of having parents that dont like you and tell you to be great and degrade you lmao#I'm so normal yay like I'm literally not insane but also when I hear these stories of them having these meltdowns like. You can see#it just makes so much sense why they feel that way and act that way. I wonder if they had insight and just couldnt talk about it
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dust has definitely killed killer before fighting over papyrus's scarf. killer and dust both have opposing views on papyrus's scarf. killer doesnt like seeing others wear it and (SHUT UP I KNOW ITS NOT CANON!!!!) dust wears it in papyrus's honor and probably for self comfort. killer even ripping a thread on the scarf warrants dust to break his hand (because killer has his silly little backstory where he did the genos and everything hes wayyy more violent towards him than horror bc horror didn't kill everyone (HYPOCRITE!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!)) anyways when killer touches dust's scarf is one of probably the few times he can't win a fight against him
perchance i think dust should get to tear apart killer's soul right infront of his eyes while he screams in pain and dust gives him the coldest look ever to exist (and horror was watching with popcorn :3)
#dont worry killer has checkpoints!#is the process of dying and having to load something killer would avoid#because i dont assume it would? like killer already doesn't give two shits about the pain that fighting would give#i'm sure if he knew that dust was absolutely 500% not gonna give him a chance to win he'd try to back out of the fight somehow#probably by trying to restrain dust or wear him out because dust is genuinely that furious and killer KNOWS he cant win#killer may have 9999 whatever bullshit LV but screw that i wanna put them all on the same power level for fun!#sadly killer will not get out of this one so easily. and then dust manages to turn him into nothing but a bleeding black mess#it is GOREY and MESSY horror is able to watch it straight faced because he's used to gore#i dont think killer would like to die unnecessarily because like. who would ngl. killer's fucked up but not THAT fucked up#but he's already careless with his life anyways so why would he be afraid of death if he can just come back#now im imagining killer letting horror and dust kill him whenever he feels like shit#or when they just need to let some anger out or whatever :3 true love ig idk#horrordust piecing together killer's dismembered and disfigured body like a puzzle :3#where can killer summon save points and that shit anyways??? is it only in smth new??? idk whatever its everywhere in this one ig#anyways i dont think mtt would EVER reach that state of closeness unless its been like 8 years#and they somehow managed not to kill themselves and eachother in the processes idk#oooohhh i reaaaally like the idea of killer letting horrordust kill him#itd be rare that they actually manage to get him off guard and kill him legitimately#but maybe he does it to get their hopes up or smth. when theyre fighting and he wants to toy with them#they know killer will come back. but they still brutalize him and go all out just to hear that beautiful crack#killer's most beautiful when his face is bashed open in horror's eye ❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙#dust would prefer it when killer's legs are broken because then he cant run 💜💙💜💙💜💙#least violent mtt interaction#triglycercule this is a bit VIOLENT??? i know i'm concerned too#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv
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but what if phone sex with sunghoon!
a/n: i need him asap.
cw: phone sex. kinda public. mutual masturbation, mentions of breeding, face fucking, degradation & praise sandwiches, reader cums once, sunghoon is a whore so he cums twice.
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"show me your tits"
you start to pull your tanktop up and off but he stops you-
"no baby, do it from the top. 'want it to look like it does when i fuck you in it."
sunghoon was an insatiable man. you're convinced he's a succubus and just hasnt told you yet. it doesnt matter where he is, if he needs to get off, he will. no question or hesitation, he will slip away and make himself cum.
today, he's in the bathroom of a restaurant. he left with his friends to go eat, (not without fucking you right before, of course) not even two hours ago and, well, here you are now. facetiming while he's got his phone in one hand, cock in the other.
you pull your shirt down from the top, stretching the low cut tank top under your bra.
"play with 'em"
you set the phone down and grab your tits in your hands. at least he was considerate, making you cum with him. you let out a soft moan in the process.
sunghoons eyebrows pinch together, mouth opening just enough the let out a sigh,
"yeah... yeah," he feels his cock twitch at the sight, "that's it. good girl."
once he's satisfied and ready to move on, he gives you your next command.
"take your bra off."
you hurry to unhook it, excited to keep going but-
"slowly. take your time, yeah?"
you roll your eyes and huff in response but sunghoon is not having it.
"just cause i'm away doesn't mean you get to be a fucking brat. do what i said." he does a quick nod for you to continue on.
you do as he says. once its off, you hear him sigh into the phone. he loves your body. sunghoon fucking loves your body. loves the little noises you make, the faces you make, how needy you are. he wants to keep his cock in you all day.
"let me see your pretty pussy baby."
you lower the camera to show everything but your face. you were kneeling on the bed in only a tanktop. life is easier this way, easy access to your body. especially when your boyfriend likes to surprise you by bending you over and fucking you when he feels like it.
"let me see how wet you are."
sunghoons head spins as you lift two fingers back up to the camera and theyre glistening in the light, strings of arousal connecting the two when you pull them apart. he feels his balls jump and has to take his hand off of his cock to not cum too early. he pans his camera down as well.
your mouth waters. sunghoon was already hung so the sight of his pretty cock with an angry red tip made you drip onto the bed.
"god i wanna fuck your mouth again. felt so damn good this morning."
your two fingers circle your clit,
"i loved it, we should do it again soon."
sunghoon chuckles at you,
"god you're a fucking whore. i love you for it," his finger traces the his tip, "can you- ah fuck-"
sunghoon puts his hand back on his cock and immediately jerks forward, "can you lay on the bed with your head hanging off the edge next time? i wanna-"
you watch as sunghoon throws his head back, hand reaching around his cock to play with his balls as his cock jumps and twitches at the thought of his request.
"wanna fuck your mouth that way. i wanna see it fill up your throat-"
sunghoon lets out a stuttered moan and it has you throbbing. you push two fingers into your cunt, other hand going down to rub your clit.
"i'd wrap my hand around it so i can feel it. and when i pull out-" sunghoon lurches forward again, clearly delaying his orgasm. he removes his hand and his cock remains standing against his stomach.
"when i pull out, i'd slap it against your face," he puts his hand back on his cock, leisurely stroking it once again, "you'd like that wouldn't you? you wanna be my pretty slut? fuck. fuck"
at this point you're grinding into your hands.
"its not enough hoon. come home," you remove your fingers and put them in your mouth. sunghoons eyes widen and he lets out a long winded whine. you continue, "i need you inside me. god i need you to fill me up again."
"yeah baby? you need me to make you feel good?" sunghoon thinks he's going to explode and then you say-
"want you to put a baby in me hoon. please baby, please come home and put a baby in me."
and at that, sunghoons body locks up. his jaw falls open and his eyebrows pinch together and his hand stills as he blows his load. ropes of cum leave his cock and it almost looks like hes in pain. even without seeing him, you'd definitely be able to hear him.
"fuck- i'm gonna put a baby in you. yeah- shit- im gonna..." a moan rips through his throat, "i'm gonna plug my spunk into you. fuck my cum inside you over and over-"
and at this point, he is in pain. he's fisting his cock so hard at the thought of breeding you that he cums again. its dry, harsh, it rips through his body and he convulses a little bit.
when he comes to, he sees you've cum too. chest heaving, skin glistening with sweat.
he's made an absolute mess of himself. cum stains his shirt and pants.
"sunghoon!"
he laughs at your worried expression,
"don't worry baby. it's my excuse to come home."
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