#because im the raccoon thats why

[wooly-nooly]

Who wants to be the possum to my raccoon

[wooly-nooly]

Oh god i use the tags like a closed captions for my inner monologue

To all the Tumblr users who tend to use tags very liberally:

Let’s play a game.

Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.

you, also, what, when, why, how, look, because, never

[the-terrible-theys]

found a tier list thing for ranking all the wks creature power suit designs and figured it’d be fun :)

tier list maker is linked here if you’re curious

anyway here’s mine!

edit: i keep getting notifs for this so i wanted to add that the tiermaker was done by @/galmiahthepigeon !

[resizura]

probably the biggest line i hate from re2r

leon: hopefully they’ll have some answers at the police station

claire: wait, ur a cop?

[deadghosy]

MORE OF TRAILBLAZER!READER PLS PLS PLS PLS PLSSS, WHAT DOES THE ANGELS THINK OF TRAILBLAZER!READER???

HAZBIN HOTEL ANGELS X TRAILBLAZER! READER

prompt: how they viewed you in heaven was something no one excepted an angel like you to act.

I just gotta say. You are a fucking menace.

When you first appeared in heaven as the most beautiful thing with your golden eyes and two pair of wings….you weren’t the most nicest as you were too blunt.

“Is this a flash bang? Why the hell is it so bright here.”

everyone gasped at the H word as if this was kindergarten all over again

*cue you need to leave sound*

Sera had to put a few rules in your face. Literally a whole ass rule book as you sat there with a blank face saying. “Are you effing Fr?” Sera nodded and left leaving you with this HUMONGOUS ASS BOOK THAT REMINDED YOU OF FAIRLY ODD PARENTS

Sera founded you as a troubled youth that needs to see the rules all over again to see the true potential for you to stay in heaven.

Emily didn’t think of you being a troublemaker, she found you quite cool as you explored around heaven having the bravery to speak your mind and not let anything bring you down.

Emily and you got along great and fine as she calls you her little collector as you call her…just Em.

It was a late heavenly night as you stood up from your bed as you did a barrel roll for your balcony as you were starving for some digging. You rummage through the dumpster to find a nice old pearly necklace and a bracelet. “Emily would love this…” you said as you smiled not noticing a blonde haired lady watching you with an asumed smile.

The blonde haired lady from afar found you mysteriously cute and attractive as you roam the streets of heaven. 

ADAM HATES YOUR FUCKING GUTS😭😭

It all started when you was digging in trash. It was basically flirting for you to dig through it. *cue fuck boy face* AND THEN ADAM HAD SNUCK BEHIND YOU READY TO INSULT YOU-

But you kicked him straight in his fucking chin-

That horse ass kick gave him a bruise on his chin for legit 2 weeks

You once blasted music in your apartment…I mean shit it was good music you got from the human world you use to live in. You got so much noise complaints but thanks to Emily, she made it seem like you weren’t causing issues.

Lute has no opinions on you, she just doesn’t have time to even look at you. Even though you sometimes break in her place to eat all her food like the raccoon you are.

One day you actually caused trouble in heaven just because you decided to dig in a lady’s trash bin from outside.

“HEY GET OUT OF MY DARN TRASH BIN YOU RACCOON!” An angel yelled from her window throwing her boom at you as you swung your metal bat at her that you totally didn’t find in the trash nights ago…..

The lady screamed ducking as the bat went back into your grasp like a boomerang. “THATS IT! IM CALLING THE GUARDS!”

And so that was your cue to run as if your life depended on it as you thrown a rotten banana peel you found in your pocket. You still had one in your mouth.

And that’s how your 1 month trial ended because you fought bitches for your trash.

[appleblueberry-pie]

Im back with another yandere satoru request hehehe

So, I was wondereding what would happen if Satoru's beloved found out about his very unhealthy obession with her?

Hold on, lemme cook rq- So, instead of getting the fuck away from him (like most logical people would do) she decides to try her best to get him some help. Like, she'd confront him about his very distirbing behavior, (basically tearing down his entire facade and presenting it to him) and when he's begging her not to be afraid of him, not to abandon him, she tells him that she wants him to get help.

Heres where I kinda got a little stuck....the thing is...he would listen to her every beck and call, but would he really get the help he needs, or would he decieve her and trick her into beliving that he's getting better when in realitly he hasn't changed at all. (He's just alot more careful about what he does behind her back.)

Mkayyy, thats all folks. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

You kept hearing noises from your backyard.

It woke you up. You couldn't really recognize what it was, but you really hoped it wasn't raccoons eating your berries again. You admit, your garden has many fruits and vegetables, but you certainly didn't want them being eaten. They took too long to grow! So, you got out of bed, threw on your robe over your night gown and quickly made your way downstairs to your backdoor.

When you opened the door and stepped onto the grass, everything seemed fine. Your strawberries were intact. Carrots still growing. No lemons dropped from the tree. But to the far right, you did see a familiar figure continuously puncturing another man's insides with a pretty dangerous looking knife thing.

Someone was in your yard.

Someone was being killed in your yard.

You're within distance of a killer.

By the time the realization set in, the familiar looking man had already saw you staring at him. It was Satoru Gojo.

You both stared at each other. It grew painfully silent and you took a step back, your eyebrows furrowing. You began hearing your heartbeat in your ears and began breathing faster. Your lips separated, probably to scream, and Satoru dropped the knife, immediately running over to you to shut you up in time.

When he trapped you in his arms, you tried to scream in surprise, but he already had one of his hands covering the entire bottom half of your face. "SHHHHHHHhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh. shhhhhh." His heartbeat thumped against your upper back and you tried to look up at him. He was already staring down at you with those big blue eyes and you tried to take his hand off of your mouth. "It's okay, baby. You're alright. It's alright."

Well, he didn't kill you, so clearly you didn't have to be scared. You still tried to talk and he tilted his head. "......you gonna scream if I let you go?" You shook your head. He stared down at you, as if he was trying to catch you in a lie. But then he laughed and finally loosened his hold on you. You took his hand off of your mouth and turned around. "...............Why are you killing someone in my yard?"

He says nothing.

You try to look back at the corpse and he blocks your way. "Fertilizer."

You avert your gaze and hug yourself. "For your tree."

"I already fertilized it two weeks ago. You were there. It doesn't need fertilizer until like a few months later." Satoru goes silent and sighs.

"Alright, babe. You caught me." He stalks closer to you and stops when he's directly in front of you.

"I killed him because he was a terrible waste of space." His smile was unnerving and you only felt more uncomfortable and confused. "What....?" "....He was useless. And he got in the way." The way he spoke made things a little awkward between the two of you. Did this have something to do with you and him? You hoped not. But with the way he said it, and the way he was staring at you began giving you confirmation that this was the case.

"He doesn't deserve you like I do." You inhale sharply and take a step back towards your door. "Satoru-" "No, I'm serious."

"You can't just....kill someone. He's dead!" His shoulders shake as he laughs at your statement. "You think I don't know that? That's the whole point. To die." You shake your head, "I-I need to get you help. This isn't okay. You shouldn't think it's okay to kill someone just to....I don't even know."

"To have you," He states. But you didn't hear. You were already back in the house to research different forms of treatment he could possibly receive. You didn't know what you were going to do with the body.

Satoru did plan to use it as fertilizer.

He lied to you for 12 weeks. And he hated every second of it. He never liked hiding shit from you. Which is why he straight up told you that he killed that dumbass from a while ago. You deserve better than some liar. But he'd be damned if he let some random take you away from him. So, he told you that he was going to the therapist that he been paid off and also killed.

He told you the body was taken care of and you didn't have to worry about it. After all, your tree leaves looked perkier than usual(he didn't tell you that either).

When you heard he was consistently meeting with his therapist, you let him take you out more often. You let him hang out at your place to have sleepovers if you had the time, and you realized that you might have a small crush on him. You shouldn't have a crush on a killer, but here you were. You should've called the police on him a long time ago(not like he'd get rid of them either), but he promised you he'd be good. And he has been. So you trust him.

Satoru learned to stop doing things like being a killer when you're around. It was smart to do it at night. But definitely not where you live. Probably the stupidest thing he's ever done. He should buy that house a few towns off. Everyone would be better off dying in there anyways, especially if there'd be no trace of them in the first place.

He's lucky you're gullible.

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

animal coding all the sherbs because im a *loser*

Icarus - they are birb, i dont think i need to elaborate icarus just *is.* though i do also say Icarus is cat coded - they feel like theyd lay in sunbeams and they definitely feel stubbon like a cat does sometimes. (Also curling up in peoples laps. Icarus will both perch on centross and *also* curl up on top of him-)

Midas - Okay, ive said it once ill say it a million times, *moth.* i know its not an animal but mmmmmm midas is moth coded. Mostly becauee of how long they spemt in the Worldport, but also because uh. I said so <3

Reo - Wolf. Reo is wolf coded - but *specifically* a (stereotypical) lone wolf. Mans is alone and is okay with it; they dont need a pack and they dont really seem to want one - at least, from what little we've seen from them. Sort of that stereotypically Sherbert isolation and being okay with it. (Also i guess that idea that, stereotypically, lone wolf characters are a lot meaner? mostly just tying back to them giving a seventeen year old Quixis and not giving a shit.)

Ashril - birb. bro is so birb coded. Flighty runner lad who goes so brrr.

Caine - they are a coyote. therefore, coyote coded. Mans is a silly fighting playful lad and they do brr about it.

Krit - crab <3

Ajax - wolf wolf wolf wolf wolf. specifically a wolf with a pack. They got a little family, and they do a little hunting (murdering the people who wronged them) as a treat :D. (Also because i think ajax deserves a den. den with all the blankets that they drag rondael and emmie (and haley when shes there) into periodically.)

Cedar - Fox coded because at least one of them is fox coded. Honestly i cant tell you why i think theyre fox coded they just have vibes to me. Or raccoon. Maybe raccoon.

Epsilon - cat coded? perhaps? theyre just a silly lad playing with the things thats most recently dragged their interest.

Sherbert - *also* maybe fox coded? Or raven coded. I could see raven for them as well.

Ripley - Some kind of shark, i think. Probably a more gentle one, and not a *massive* shark - a smaller one, but i think theyd be a shark. Simply a lad.

Sherwood - i think some kind of migratory bird? Or a bird constantly moving around. Not an animal that settles into one spot for long, at the least.

Helix - uh. Fuck if i know. Something aggressive, stereotypically, i guess? I don't even know for them-

C!Rina - uh. Dog. /lh /hj. We've had this conversation before on stream many a time, and i think it speaks for itself (even if that conversation wasnt nessarily about the character aspect) But if i *have* to pick something else - uhhh. I wont- /silly

[rowiewritesstuff]

Hello, may I ask for an Earthspark or TFP match-up, please?

My height is 5'3 (160cm). Im nonbinary and asexual, and I use any pronouns. I have brown, curly, short hair and green eyes. My skin is very pale, and I usually look pretty tired. I wear black clothes. Im a pretty calm and level-headed person. I really enjoy deep conservation, music, dancing, reading, and stargazing. I can read pretty much anything. I really like learning new things. Im sarcastic, and I like to tease my friends. I am extremely loyal to my friends, and I show my affection for them through gifts, quality time, and doing them favors. I tend to talk a lot about topics that I am interested in. I usually stay calm when people panic, (even if I'm screaming on the inside). Im trying to be as open-minded as possible to everyone, as long as they are doing the same thing to me. I love animals, especially raccoons. I think they are just adorable (I also have a cat and two dogs).

I have a pear-shaped body, but I'm also a little bit chubby. I have some scars on my arms and legs (mostly because I scratch my wounds when I'm stressed). Im anemic, which means that I get tired easily. Im also lactose intolerant. I often have random pains, but I don't know why. I also have an anxiety disorder (I bite my nails and lips a lot because of it). I would rather spend time indoors than outdoors, but I will not pass up an opportunity for a picnic :3.

I dislike loud noises and crowded places. I can't speak in front of a large group of people, and I have trouble making eye contact. I also hate when someone is bullied. I like spending time with someone when we both just do our stuff in one room. Im a pretty awkward person at first, but if I get close to you, I become more talkative and funny. People always tell me that when they first saw me, they thought I was intimidating. I often hum some music while doing something.

I think thats all. I apologize if this is chaotic. I never wrote a request. I hope it's not too much. Feel free to not write anything at all if you can't come up with anything <3.

Have a nice day and remember to take care of yourself!

Yandere TFP Megatron

Megatron is a cruel decepticon with a distaste for organics, so when he grabbed you into his servo he went to crush you right before Prime’s optics. He grinned viciously down at you, and your dead stare made him pause. Even the bravest of his kind looked more fearful than you. 

Before he could even form a coherent thought, he had transformed around you and flown away. When he got back to the Nemesis he was angry with himself- but he didn’t realize that as he threw you to Knockout, ordering him to watch you.

While you were scared, you did like the quiet of this place. It was almost soothing. 

Knockout peered down curiously at you. At your obvious exhaustion, he commented. “If I didn’t know better about your fleshies, I’d say you’re half dead.”

You stared back up at him, not quite making eye contact. He noticed your avoidance, but said nothing as he scoffed and went back to working. 

Megatron questioned himself as to why he brought you along, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He ended up sitting you on a table in his room while he worked. You were mostly quiet, but your curiosity showed as you looked at his computer. 

His booming voice asked what you were doing, and you covered your ears. Megatron wasn’t sure why he did it, but he lowered his voice and spoke again. “What are you looking at?” 

“....your screen. Sorry.” You bit your nails nervously. Megatron turned away, silent. 

It was weeks before he sat you on his shoulder. He didn’t speak, clearly unsure of how to communicate with you. For the first time in millions of years, he was truly unsure of himself. 

When he did start talking to you, it was to teach you about his gladiatorial days. He spoke of how he started the revolution, and how he fought against the corruption of the senate. 

Eventually you felt comfortable enough to ask questions with him, but you felt nothing but pity. He had been through so much. However, you also felt conflicted- the Autobots are your friends, but you feel like this war has no point anymore other than for Decepticons to get some sort of revenge. 

You slowly began to chip away at Megatron’s cold spark, and he cared for you- even if he didn’t show it well. He loved the way you hummed softly your favorite songs, and how content you were to merely sit on his shoulder. 

Megatron would often bring you to large forests so you could enjoy the nature he found you enjoyed. 

One day, when Megatron was on a comm with Soundwave discussing something, you decided to take off. You wanted to be back with the autobots- not to say that you even hated Megatron after everything you had learned. You ran through the forest, getting turned around almost instantly. 

Almost immediately, you were snatched up into the servos of a very furious mech. Megatron had a deep scowl on his face. 

“After I bestowed all of the knowledge I had upon you, did you really think I’d let you go?” Megaton squeezed you painfully tight. “Don’t worry, worm. I won’t make the same mistake with you twice.”

Megatron, secretly heartbroken that you’d try to leave after creating a bond, locked you in a cage hanging in his room- with no way to escape his clutches. You would never be allowed out unless Megatron was with you. His trust would be hard to earn back- maybe even take your lifetime.

[niftukkun]

so speaking of indigo park, (i say, like ive talked about indigo park before) (spoilers ahead)

i think what got a lot of people (and quite a lot of youtubers) thinking that the mascots are mechanical or animatronics,, its not completely from the genre? like, yeah it being mascot horror doesnt help but despite the, um, evidence that there may be something Funky(tm) with the mascots, i think most people think that theyre animatronics because of one set dressing:

this guy

if you dont remember (or dont know about indigo park), this guy is a very clear animatronic version of Mollie Macaw, one of the characters in indigo park. this prop is found in the hallway in the railway ride part. but this guy is not mollie macaw the mascot that stalks us.

bluntly, people think these two guys are the same guy

these two. are not the same.

i dont know why this park has both a mascot and an animatronic version of the same character? but like. theyre not the same guy

i think people thought theyre the same because of the combination of, we dont see mollie the mascot till later in the chapter (if the player ever sees her clearly at all), the voice line that comes from the animatronic, and the mollie death screen tip (the mollie can mimic voices tip). honestly, the line in the death screen that says she can mimic voices is more flavour text than anything, i cant really hear her say anything in all the playthroughs ive watched.

also, um,, that much blood at the end there,, kind of says theres something Funky(tm) going on? but im not blaming the folks who think the mascots are still mechanical after,, that. the fnaf games kind of fucked over expectations on how much blood is reasonable in a funky mascot, what with the dead kids in suits and all. im just saying thats some fresh fucking blood after, what, eight years of the park shut down? almost like shes alive. well, /was/ alive, at any rate.

anyway, TLDR. these guys arent the same.

the mascots arent animatronics for once. if uniquegeese creator of indigo park himself is reading, consider this as the reason people may think the mascots are animatronics. also, add some bone to the mollie head (you dont have to, but it may help. the flat plane of red kind of,, adds to the fake feeling? also its just personal preference for me to see some bone in that gore)

(pictures from OtterBoy VA's video on Indigo Park!! good job little otter guy you voiced a raccoon very good)

[ultra-raging-ghost]

Alright. Imma just say it. Something is wrong with the theme park and Ollie. Because at first, it just seems really sweet right? Ollie seems charming and super nice to Bad- a true friend, if you will. But what initially started out as "getting help" for a "surprise for cucurucho" in the form of a ferris wheel turned into Bad being responsible for an entire theme park. Ok. But like. Why tho.

Also what is up with the snakes and raccoons that just randomly appear every time Bad tries to show the bunny workers his work- therefore inadvertently causing him problems that lead to bad reviews by the bunnies. And more importantly: Bad owing Cucurucho more debt each time.

There's something interesting about that last part and this whole situation intrigues me so much if Cucurucho really is manipulating Bad into becoming closer, and ultimately, slowly integrate him into the Federation.

- alchemicaladarna

EXACTLY

see the thing is i have to agree with bad that i think cucuruchos setting bad up for a debt payment so theyre forced to interact daily! Like a baby trap but with financials kjkhjgvhjbnjk

i wrote this in a post like i think two ish days ago that cucurucho seems to be testing bads boundaries, which includes forcing bad to somehow pay cucurucho or be in debt to cucurucho, both things which bad hates because he really likes being at the top of the ladder on the richness scale!! Like he checks that stupid thing so often just to make sure hes still at the top when in reality theres like a 10K GAP between him and the second richest person on the server

Like its so sus how this is the second time cucuruchos made bad indebted to him within the past couple days. And bad really couldve just refused to pay cucurucho back (it was just a netherite block that bad didnt even have that we WATCHED cucurucho destroy) but instead bad bended and said that he'd find a way to pay cucurucho back even if getting a fucking BLOCK OF NETHERITE would take FOREVER

AND THE THING IS!!!! THE THING IS!!!! I am 90% confident cucurucho didnt expect bad to be honest and give him back that whole stack of netherite blocks, it was a VERY OBVIOUS TEMPTATION to try and get bad to refuse to give them back but instead he did so and cucurucho panicked and decided to fabricate a false debt on his own

But the thing is, a block of netherite is something one can forget about especially when bad doesnt actually have it, so instead he made bad in debt with something a little more tangible, something bad cant just give back to him all at once (or that he didnt want to - of course bad could do it he has WELL over 12k but bad hoards his money like a dragon). So instead cucurucho charged bad an exuberant price for something he shouldnt have even known existed just so bad would be forced to interact with him and go out of his way to give him exactly 12 coins a day!! Cucurucho was even nice enough to take 3k off just because he likes bad (thats a quote, that was crazy)!!!

AND cucurucho did the math in his head, if bad were to stick to their debt agreement bad would be paying him back for a little under 3 years !!! Bro had a fucking calculator on hand!!! 2.74 years i believe were his calculations, a thousand days!! Bro is counting!!!

like im just saying its so sus,, its so sus i UNDERSTAND and i hope its on purpose and that they DO SOMETHING WITH IT!!!

AND SIDE NOTE!!!! THESE BUNNIES ARE SO CRINGEFAIL!!!! WHY ARE ALL OF THEM ALWAYS ON HALF A HEART???? The bear fed workers werent doing allat!!!!! It seems like every time a rabbit is around bad theyre always on 2 hearts constantly getting downed, every other time bad sees ollie hes picking her up from getting downed, he had to save the two tie rabbits several times today, sipi kept getting downed, etc. etc. that cant not be planned, its like they go out of their way to be weak to be able to make these accusations that cause bad to get fined that cause him to be in debt like THATS CRAZY RIGHT???

I dont think i saw any bear fed workers get downed until fucking CELLBIT started killing them, and pre-theme park weve rarely/never seen a bunny properly get downed, even when they were around bad, Ronnie was mostly stalking and hiding and jumping around and excited, they didnt get downed nearly as much!!! Its crazy!!!

EDIT: EDITING THIS TO SAY. LOWEST OF KEYS. REALLY SUS THAT OLLIE CLAIMED IT WAS FOR A CELEBRATION FOR CUCURUCHO, BUT REFUSED TO ELABORATE ON WHICH CELEBRATION... BAD ASKED IF IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY OR LIKE A BOSS APPRECIATION DAY OR SOMETHING AND SHE JUST AGREED NONCOMMITTALLY AND REFUSED TO ELABORATE.. A LITTLE ODDDDD

[cautious-callum]

Animal language

(Ramble)

More so a thought than anything else but I find it super cool that depending on biomes certian language aspects in animals is carried over cross species as a survival strategy or hunting method. How cats mimic bird chirping or butterflies have eye spots on their wings. Both are very good at taking language from one species to another. It also in some way explains what fears other animals may have or what they love the most by another species picking up on that.

Possums playing dead is fascinating to me as its just confusing enough for predators to leave them alone and it works so well they're the only marsupial im north america

I also feel domesticated animals have different tones or outright languages compared to wild animals that I find annoying sometimes cause well it reminds me of humans which i think is funny.

I think from hands on experience i relate most to raccoons, possums and chickens. Ungulates lately was something i understood language wise clearly at first but i think i had novice confidence and now i feel i know nothing. Raccoons completely confused me at first but now im beginning to understand why they act the way they do.

They are noteably extremely aggressive to animals their size and sometimes bigger if the opportunity is right. They will dominate smaller animals if they can at any chance. I find their resiliency and unyielding aggression admirable even if it means they will rip open a metal cage like a tim can to eat the heads off of baby possums (true story, thats why you need to secure enclosures SUPER WELL)

If i could hypothesize, i would suggest that this behavior is an extreme version of opportunistic behavior where they take every resource they can even if they dont need it or even if it only lowers competition slightly because they already have to deal with hawks, owls, coyotes, ect. Raccoons makes holes to ecosystems to fill them so to speak by killing as many possible competitors as possible.

They aren't the only animal that does this but what makes raccoons stand out to me is their ability to adapt to niches so quickly and readily. They can adapt to a skunks niche, possum, squirrels and other small mammals while not perfectly the same they can still find ways to compete with all of them.

Raccoons have a habit of picking an area and staying in it to use every resource if they can find a place to sleep and food to eat consistently they will wipe the floor with anything else their size that already lives there.

Tldr: raccoons are cool

[wa3jetisbestpony]

okay spicy hot revolutionary girl utena take in the year of our lord 2024 but

I genuinely do not think Anthy likes roses/flowers. they're literally the symbol of the oppressive abuse controlling her life. and I see so so many people make like fan art and stuff of her post ending like growing a garden or working as a florist and truly dont think she'd want to do that once shes free. I think everyone is taking the line in the cantarella scene where shes like "I'll be happy as long as i can grow roses" at face value. but thats so baffling to me because the whole point of that scene is that she is not being honest about her feelings. and everyone seems to be on the same page about that? like its blatant. she promises to still be friends with utena in 10 years and then tries to kill herself almost immediately after. she's not being honest in that scene everyone talks about how much they love the tension and symbolism of that scene with neither of them telling the truth and they're saying one thing but they mean another, they say they poisoned the tea and cookies as a metaphorical way to admit theyd hurt eachother. but then they take the roses line at face value??

to me what shes saying in that line is basically "I'll be happy as long as I stay useful to Akio" because she still thinks thats what she wants, shes still telling herself thats what she wants. she cant bring herself to hate her brother despite how much hes hurt her (which is another thing is see get weirdly ignored by a lot of people BUT THATS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT IM STOPPING MYSELF FROM A TANGENT) and thats like the whole reason shes going along with the duels and all that right? because she is trying to do what he wants.

If you were to ask me what I think she would actually want to do I think she would want to do something with animals. she seems to really like animals, an animal serves as a symbolic expression of her true feelings throughout the show, the moments where she seems most happy and at ease often involve animals in some way. if i were to pick something specific I think shed become a wildlife rehabber because i like what that would say symbolically about her character arc.

and it really seems to me that a lot of Anthys despair towards the end of the series comes from her seeing that Utena has a real chance of changing the status quo and that scares anthy. i dont think she has any hope of things getting better with akio or going back to the way they used to be with him as dios. I think she was trying to keep things the way they were, where she could cling to some sense of still being important to him, even if its just that hes using her. and thats what shes saying when she says "I'll be happy as long as I can grow roses"

and so if the revolution, the triumph at the end of the series is anthy finally accepting she doesnt have to let him hurt her anymore and walking away, her realizing there really is a whole world outside of him for her to find meaning and joy in, then why should she still want to grow roses?

anyways stop drawing utenathy reunion scenes where utena just like walks into a random flower shop and sees anthy and start drawing them where utena has like a fucking raccoon inside her apartment at 2am just absolutely trashing the place and calls animal control and anthy shows up to catch it

[dsaf-confessions]

GUESS WHO'S BACK

Me, I am, the raccoon is back. But this time isn't a rant, no.

THIS IS JUST LIKE, Do you know ride the cyclone????

WELL DO YOU KNOW JANE DOES' SONG???

Tell me isn't Jack Kennedy. THAT SONG IS SO JACK KENNEDY Y'KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, I'M ANIMATING IT.

Also Noel's lament, Ik some people will be against this or not BUT. THINK OF THIS. OR this is Oscar, or this is Steven.

But I would give it to Oscar, because "What the world needs" is so Steven Stevenson alright? Or maybe even Jake.

Y'know what, yeah, reorganizing this I think it would be:

Jane Doe - Jack

Noel's lament - Steven Stevenson or Oscar

What the world needs - Jake.

There's people like "why Noel's lament isn't Dave?" No man, isn't Dave. Ik he is all slutty but, it gets more with them. Trust me.

That's it, that's what I wanted to say.

- Matt Virginia anon, back at it again.

THATS WHAT IM SAYINGGGG THE BALLAD OF JANE DOE IS SO JACK KENNEDY

[borathae]

Chapter 16

OH MY GOD WE ARE NOT DEAD YAY HOBI

WHERES KOOK???? HIS BACK????

okay this was like the calmest reaction to me being a vampire I have ever seen. hobari, my love, tae already told her thats why she is chill

I once had a girl literally run away from me screeching prayers.” xd HAHA imagine someone pulling out the cross at him and saying THE POWER CHRIST COMPELS YOU and him just blinking

hobi baby, ik your are excited, but its quite the wrong time and person to test your new skills

“No, I’m not like Jungkook. I don’t go crazy at the smell or taste of blood. Especially not when yours tastes like literal ass right now, wow thanks ig

holy shit no baby kook, im gonna fucking cry DONT PUNISH YOURSELF YOU SAVED US BOTH FUCK IM ALL TEARY EYES

I’m just waiting for the day when vampire hunters break through the front door and shoot you guys.” im imagining them coming in fbi style FBI OPEN UP WE KNOW ITS SANGUIS hobi's cute dumbass - how did u know seokjin- you just proved it

this is why she isnt scared of you both 😭😭😭 reminds me of that tiktok asking whose house will you rob and everyone straight up said hobi in the comments 💀

imagine someone seeing their bodies in front of the house also was it tae or yoongi or someone else??

ok hobi was 26 in 1982, so born in 1956 and is 68 so its 2024 hmm SO KOOK IS 94 WTF they are not even dilf, they are gilf 😭😭😭 wait in that case whats tae 😭 hold on jimin mentioned yoongi being older, is that in older than 800 years or turned at an older age?

I was turned in 1875 by some random prostitute”, bitch pls 😭😭😭 he doesnt have a sob story nor a heroic one

wait something doesnt add up jin is 217, so if its 2024, he should be born in 1807, but he was 27 in 1875

“Good that you ask because listen this is such a story”, ..“Oh god here we go again stop being a jealous bean just cuz u got turned by a hoe 😭😭

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. With that massive schlong that I carry around” you say sarcastically. you sure about that? was that foreshadow to the oneshot lol

“She bit my neck!” “And she bit my dick!” one got their throat ripped out and other ones dick. great just great. i just know, no vampire has a story like this, i mean sure neck being bitten but from a prostitute?? and dick being bitten hobi im sorry but thats a tragic comedy

A bang then a clash. bro this scared me so bad only to see its “Stupid raccoon don’t run away, come on let me spank your rubbish stealing buttocks!”

whats calling her?? where is she going?? who is down there calling? 2seokook wont have something suspicious down there right?

daisies and fresh sheets? is that jungkook? why is he down there? wtf HOW DID THE DARK CORRIDOR TURN BRIGHT???

damn how hard did he hurt himself this is so heartbreaking let me get my blanket 😭

As long as I’m paralysed I’m no danger to you NO STOP whos cutting onions

OMG SHE KISSED HIS CHEEK IM BLUSHING LIKE IM THE ONE WHO GOT KISSED AAAH

WHERES KOOK???? HIS BACK????

buckle in, that's where the angst begins 😭

okay this was like the calmest reaction to me being a vampire I have ever seen. hobari, my love, tae already told her thats why she is chill

Hobari gosh :( I miss them all together </3

I once had a girl literally run away from me screeching prayers.” xd HAHA imagine someone pulling out the cross at him and saying THE POWER CHRIST COMPELS YOU and him just blinking

JJADSFJ tbfh it's so valid though JFADJSJF

hobi baby, ik your are excited, but its quite the wrong time and person to test your new skills

FADSHJFJ HE IS SO CHAOTIC BAHAHHAH

“No, I’m not like Jungkook. I don’t go crazy at the smell or taste of blood. Especially not when yours tastes like literal ass right now, wow thanks ig

hhiihih he is so good in flirting hhiihih

holy shit no baby kook, im gonna fucking cry DONT PUNISH YOURSELF YOU SAVED US BOTH FUCK IM ALL TEARY EYES

I'M CRYING IN THE CLUB

imagine someone seeing their bodies in front of the house also was it tae or yoongi or someone else??

WHOOO KNOWWSSS not me (i know)

ok hobi was 26 in 1982, so born in 1956 and is 68 so its 2024 hmm SO KOOK IS 94 WTF they are not even dilf, they are gilf 😭😭😭 wait in that case whats tae 😭 hold on jimin mentioned yoongi being older, is that in older than 800 years or turned at an older age?

OKAY BEAR IN MIND!!!! I wrote this story in 2020 so it takes place in 2020. You have to subtract 4 years of their age during Sanguis Alpha. Also as far as your Yoongi question is concerned, we do not know yet what exactly he meant 👀

I was turned in 1875 by some random prostitute”, bitch pls 😭😭😭 he doesnt have a sob story nor a heroic one

fjajdfadjs he is so pathetic jfdajsf

wait something doesnt add up jin is 217, so if its 2024, he should be born in 1807, but he was 27 in 1875

Nooo it takes place in 2020 queen <3 no wait. WAIT my bisexual ass did the maths wrong HELP!!!! thanks for pointing it out I need to change the dates jfdjsjf

“Good that you ask because listen this is such a story”, ..“Oh god here we go again stop being a jealous bean just cuz u got turned by a hoe 😭😭

oh sweet summer child if only you knew jfdjsf

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. With that massive schlong that I carry around” you say sarcastically. you sure about that? was that foreshadow to the oneshot lol

BESTIE THE DOTS ARE CONNECTING FJDSJF

“She bit my neck!” “And she bit my dick!” one got their throat ripped out and other ones dick. great just great. i just know, no vampire has a story like this, i mean sure neck being bitten but from a prostitute?? and dick being bitten hobi im sorry but thats a tragic comedy

aahhaha they're so chaotic I love them fjadjf

whats calling her?? where is she going?? who is down there calling? 2seokook wont have something suspicious down there right?

the suspicionn

daisies and fresh sheets? is that jungkook? why is he down there? wtf HOW DID THE DARK CORRIDOR TURN BRIGHT???

THE SUSPICION

damn how hard did he hurt himself this is so heartbreaking let me get my blanket 😭

i'm crying so hard 😭

As long as I’m paralysed I’m no danger to you NO STOP whos cutting onions

LIKE PLEASE 😭😭😭

OMG SHE KISSED HIS CHEEK IM BLUSHING LIKE IM THE ONE WHO GOT KISSED AAAH

THEY'RE SO CUTUUTUTEEEE

[sw33t-oubliette]

bi people cant flirt normally its always some shit like "why did i come back here?" "to uh. drink?" "back to hatchetfield. i spent the first 18 years if my life trying to get out of this place, shouldve just stayed in guatemala. i mean yeah theyve got volcanoes and coatimundis everywhere but uh-" "whats a coatimundi?" "oh, its like a little raccoon thing. they get into shit, people hate em, but at least they dont sing and dance" "so is that was drove you back to hatchetfield? coatimundis, up in your shit?" "no, no, it was uh my sister, jane. she was the good one. she had this um, lisa frank binder when she was little where she mapped out her entire life and i swear to god she stuck to it. bullet point by bullet point, it was like job, husband, house, kids, and you know when one sisters so on top of her game it kinda demands that the other one be a total fuck up, right?" "what is yin without yang?" "thats what im saying! yeah man, she was off doing life and i was doing, something else. backpacking mostly, and she would call me and you know, invite me home for big events, you know, weddings, baby showers, id always say oh, sorry ill catch the next one! but um, then when i got the invitation to her funeral i was like oh, there wont be a next one." "oh- im sorry." "hey, you didnt crash into her car. anyway, uh, its weird growing up in someone elses shadow because when theyre gone the light shines on you for the first time, and it does not look good. so, there i was, 30, with no roots anywhere except hatchetfield, so i thought uh, well im gonna make something of myself, you know do something my sister would be proud of, enroll in a community college, study botany, im gonna start a pot farm." "oh. did your sister smoke a lot of pot?" "no, but weed's the future, its gonna be legal nationwide soon, bet you any money! not that it matters anymore. man, my whole life my one goal was to avoid dying in hatchetfield and, here we are." "hey, it could be worse. you could be dying in clivesdale." "fuck clivesdale!" "fuck em!" "you know uh, all things considered, i like hatchetfield. yeah, been here my whole life, born and bred. never wanted to leave, still dont." "hey, we're the same age, how come i never knew you in highschool?" "you probably went to hatchetfield high, i went to sycamore." "fuckin timberwolves! we hated you guys!" "we hated ourselves! so uh, back at beanies you said you were in your highschool production of brigadoon?" "hey, i was bonnie jean!" "that was 2003 right? i actually saw you in brigadoon." "no shit!" "yes shit! yeah! uh, we didnt have a theatre program in our school, so i guess to make us feel like crap they bused us over to watch your show. it was the first musical i ever saw. i hated it. thats probably the start of my whole thing, youre the reason i dont like musicals!" "woah, thats like your origin story." "yeah!" "so i guess im the supervillain?" "i dont think of you like that at all emma."

[beskarberry]

Ok so I really wanted to write something for new years but instead I had a panic attack bcz I realized I literally don't know how to write anymore lol so i wrote this just to make myself laugh written dieter bravo x f reader warnings: dieter bravo

the worst fic ever

k so like ur sitting at home and in ur pjs all comfy with ur cat and watching netflix eating popcorn off ur shirt when u hear a knock at ur door. u get up and spill all your shirtcorn on the floor, but carry your cat with u because you didnt order anything from amazong in like 3 days so kitty might have to maul a bitch. u open the door and it’s the hottest man ever, dieter bravo. u almost drop kitty bcz you just say dieter bravos hot face on the covere of the magazine u keep in the bathroom, but the real face was way less wrinkly or melted from the shower. the plush duck face lips were the same hto. 

“hey b b girl” dieter sais, leaning on ur doorframe, his ugly wookie pelt robe falling open to reveal he is wearing nothing but boxers and crocs. “i heard u enjoy eating junk food and getting your junk food ate out. do u wanna sit on my face?” 

ur like “omg dietr bravo!! im not wearing any makeup!! or pants!!” but he just lafs at that because tahts what he likes about u. 

“ya girl i know thats why im heer. the way u scratch ur ass called me like a siren and i just had to come get a taste of that sweet couch cake.” he pushes his sunglasses up on his head, his eyes are bloodshot from smoking too much weed. “well? do u wanna have sex with me or not?”

“duh,” u spit, setting kitty on the floor. “but im not sitting on ur face, my kneeds will give out.”

“right on.” he loafs in to your house, tripping over kitty whne she swats at his tatered robe. “i like your raccoon”

“dont look her in the eye or she will eat your face.” u say right before smushing your face into his. his mouth tastes like doritos and montain dew, and he smells like an old couch that you crashed on once. his chest is sticky when you put ur hands on it, kind of crunchy too, just like that couch. he has huge hands that scoop under ur ass and throw you on the bed and rip of your pjs. ur phone goes flying out the pocket, probsbly never to be seen again. 

hes on top of you fast, pinnning you to the bed, slopply groping under ur shirt for ur boobs that bounce boobily. he chokes u with ur tank top trying to get it off but u kinda think thats hot. his robe hits the floor and skitteres away, leaving him in his boxers he got for christmas in 1998. his cocke is huge, huger than his hands. it snaps the elastic and booings out on to your tumpy. 

“dont worry baby ckaes ull get this dick after i get taht snatch” he grabs ur legs and throws them over his shoulder and eats ur pussy until u scream and cum all over his face. he snorts it like coke

“omg mr bravo how do you eat pussy so good??!” you breate breathlessley

“i like pudding cups and i never leav them empty.” he pulls actual coke out of his hair and stuffs it up his nose. “ r u ready baby gril?”

“yes daddy!” 

he likes that. he fuckes his whole schmeat into ur cunt and it eats it all up. the sound is os wet and obscene it sounds like a car wash. he fucks you and cums all over ur tits, then flips u over and fucks u again but then coms on ur ass. there is so much cum. u are cumming too. the bed breaks from so much fucking and cumming. dieter keeps going until his coke high wears off. u totaly almost die bcz uv never been fucked so good and so much

“wow mr bravo thank u” u say. talking makes cum gush out ur ass

“ur welcom. btw ur my wife now.” he lights a joint

“ok but u have to stop doing so many drugs”

“sure” 

he buys u ur own crocs and u love happily ever after