#just one out of the many maartes in the world

[graylinesspam]

how do you decide which story arcs to cover from the clone wars in your sleeping habits fic? like, is it a general sense of “this is where i want to end and these are the stops we’ll make along the way” or the opposite, like the journey is more important than the destination in the long run? i’m trying to plan out my own fic and i can’t help but what to do both at the same time and it is ✨not working✨

This is an excellent question!

Sleeping habits is a particular kind of story. It's basically the grown up college version of a drabble (which i have always been very fond of writing). When i set out to write SH I did so specifically to give a platform to the rock tumbler of headcannons in my head. I had so many different version of the clone wars rolling around that I could never nail down exactly what I thought about it.

Star wars is just one of those works that has such an open world with so little fleshing out. I kept going back and forth on details about the clones and their physicality/culture/language. and the same for Ahsoka's Togruta characteristics. So i decided to dedicate one fic as sort of one universe, one shelf where i could organize all of my thoughts without necessarily committing to them. (sort of a multiverse situation).

When it comes to writing each chapter it's basically off the cuff. I pick one headcannon about one character and then i just write my way to that. Usually along the way other details will emerge about other characters, setting, ect. I basically start with a reaction and build a situation in which that would happen. (think very one bed formula).

The great thing about this writing method is that it makes you ask a lot of questions in the process. Instead of starting with a clear plan, it makes you come up with a bunch of new details to answer questions you haven't even thought of.

Lets take the chapter "With flying colors" for example;

The only subject I intended to write about was Ahsoka climbing up a troopers back, like a feral little shit, in order to get up a cliffside. I picked it purely because it would be funny and the last chapters had been sort of slow and sweet.

I asked myself what planet would Ahsoka be really comfortable navigating? Well, Felucia is similar enough to her home planet.

What characteristics would Ahsoka have as a plains hunter? Quiet, swift, barefoot, able to climb trees quickly.

Which led to a study on trench foot and maart's whole character. As well as fleshing out Vere's character.

Who should Ahsoka climb? well, Jesse, because i'm trying to write about more clones than just Rex, Fives, and Echo. Besides, he'd have a funny reaction. That meant Those three would have to stay back at camp, which meant Kix and Anakin were coming bc Ahsoka isn't going anywhere without either Anakin or Rex.

So I had to come up with characterization for all three of them. which brought in the hunting aspect, the jedi council test, the inclusion of the commandos (to keep Anakin out of the spotlight), And even Ahsoka waking up with a cricked neck from sleeping in Anakin's armpit.

And then of course how would all characters involved react to the events described.

This writing method is, in part, a character driven narrative. Meaning that every writing decision I make takes into account a characters personality, feelings, and reaction before I even consider an actual plotline. This is not an ideal writing method for all kinds of stories. Some stories require a plot driven narrative. If you have a clear plotline you want to accomplish you may want to write the plot first and the characters second.

In SH all the locations, timeline, or tie in to a certain time period or episode of the show is an after thought meant to serve the place that the character is in rather that the character serving the plot.

But if you look at "A Series of Interviews" for instance, it is a fleshed out plot where the characters involved are tools to get from one plot point to another. And thus a narrative driven storyline.

My first piece of advice to you is to decide whether you're writing for the characters or for the events before you decide how you want to plan the rest of your story.

And tell me about it, I'd be interested to hear more of your thoughts/questions.

[nice2meetyouu]

Worker bee lang ako; ang sistema ang sisihin niyo

Maraming maarteng pasyente sa Hospital X. Palibhasa, marami sa kanilang may pera. Pero kahit walang pera, maarte rin ang iba. Therefore, marami lang talagang maarteng pasyente sa ospital.

'Yung first patient of the day na sa akin na na-deck kahapon, tinatanong ko lang ng standard questions na kailangan para ma-process ko 'yung admission papers niya tapos nagwala si ate.

Manganganak na raw sya, tanong pa ako nang tanong. Eh tinanong na rin naman daw 'yon a few days ago, so what's the reason for having to ask everything again? Dami pa nyang reklamo. Kesyo 'di raw kumportable 'yung examining bed sa ospital.

Triny ko naman iexplain na every healthcare worker has to do his or her own history for accuracy and completion. Hindi naman pwedeng nakasulat sa records mo na wala kang ibang sakit tapos noong nakausap kita, may sakit ka pala. Mayroong record 'yong sinasabi niya, 3 days ago, pero 'yun ay specific sa konsulta nya that day, at wala doon 'yung iba pang mga tanong na kailangan ko, like anong religion mo, nasalinan ka na ba ng dugo dati, at iba pa.

Buti kung ako 'yung nakausap mo 3 days ago? Kaso hindi naman. Nagalit sya lalo when I tried to explain, "irrelevant" daw. Sa isip ko, edi bahala ka, 'di naman ako 'yung hindi maa-admit pag 'di kumpleto 'yung info.

If sawang-sawa ka na kasi tanong nang tanong 'yung mga tao, sana sinulat mo na lang sa papel para tuwing itatanong, ipapakita mo na lang. Ikaw ang mag-aadjust ate, ikaw 'tong pumunta-punta sa ospital tapos magpapaka-karen ka. Sa bahay ka na lang sana nanganak para walang magtatanong sa iyo.

'Yung sinasabi ng journalists na wala raw empathy 'yung mga tao sa ospital (specifically, si Maki Pulido yata about PGH, pero parang 'di lang sya ang nagsabi nyan), dapat subukan muna nila for themselves for at least two months. Saka nila sabihing ang healthcare workers ang walang empathy.

Worker bee lang ako so by being a Karen, tumagal ang trabaho ko dahil pinapunta pa ako ng senior ko sa records para halukayin 'yung previous na panganganak ni Karen sa ospital, baka may mapulot raw ako, at para 'di na raw magalit si madam, pero except sa outcomes ng anak nya noong 2016, wala naman akong napala.

Sayang time tapos maba-bad trip ka pa. Pero ginagawa ko lang ang trabaho ko.

[micharie10]

HI Mahal ko 💙♎♐💚

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 5th Monthsary to us Mahal ko 💙♎♐💚

I seriously always have many things to say to you, never get enough time to tell you everything. I hope you’re reading this with ease. Ahaha 🤣. Sorry, I couldn’t do much. I hope everything that I could do now make you happy to be with me mahal ko 😍

Actually I knew our friendship would grow right from the very first day we spoke 🤣 syempre na love at first sight na eh yieeee ganda naman gurl . But, neither one of us could begin to imagine the love we both feel 💙💚, not exploding or thundering into our hearts, but just slowly growing into a beautiful relationship that only you and I can understand. You are my soul mate, my best friend, my inspiration, and my love, Mariejo Queben 💙💚 Having your love has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t care what others say about you and me. All I know is that I love you, and that will never change. Whenever I’m not with you eh kahit simula palang malayo na tayo sa isat isa 🥺🥺

I feel restless and incomplete. I need you more than ever. You dominate my senses. You have captured my soul. I want you Mahal ko 💙💙💚💚 I need you in my life. I will always, always be there for you.😍😍 You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much that I can’t imagine. 😍😍🥰😘 you are the smile in my face, you are the thoughts in my mind and my dream every night, you will never be anyone but you will always be my only one baby Dragon 🤣🤣HaAhah. I will love you no matter what ’til the end of time.

I don’t usually feel the miles between us, but for some reason, tonight I do. I miss you, with every fiber of my being. It’s not often that we find ourselves with so much time in between conversations. And as we knew from the beginning, life was going to interfere sometimes. But that’s when I remember just how blessed we truly are for the time that we do spend together. It makes it all the more special, and I can only be grateful. Thank you for always be there by my side, thank you for everything Mahal ko 😍🥰😘

And one more thing, please take care of your health mahal ko , be careful when you’re walking lalo na sa school nyo and I still cant stop thinking bout what happen gusto ko talaga manapak that time eh and I don’t mind if you eat late lalo na sa lunch because everyone does, so do I. I like girl who eat well because I’m literally eat everything di ako maarte eh bleeeeeeh 😝😝hahah. If you have problem, worst day, good day, or need a shoulder to lean on, I’m here for you. Please know that I’ll always be there for you mahal ko 🥰🥰

Just know Mahal ko💙💙 that I love you💙. Yesterday💙, right this second💙, tomorrow💙, and all the days of my life💙. I will always be yours 💙💙 no matter what the world turns out to be. My heart will always yearning for your love💙 and care forever.💙 I love you always.

💙 I💙 LOVE💙 YOU💙 SO💙 MUCH💙 MAHAL💙 KO💙 Your soulmate, Mahal ko 💙♎♐💙

#Micharie <10

[ruurdsnotes]

Maandag 11 maart – Naar aanleiding van de kleddernatte klimaatmars van gisteren hierbij nog even een post over Greta Thunberg – toepasselijk in regenjas. Ze is een fenomeen. Dat werd me des te duidelijker toen ik haar ging googelen. Kenmerkend is de reactie die ze op Facebook plaatste op het vaak haatdragende commentaar dat ze krijgt. Heldere argumentaties en klare taal. Een wijs meisje en inspirerend rolmodel. Ik heb de tekst hierna integraal overgenomen.

As the rumours, lies and constant leaving out of well established facts continue, please share this newly updated clarification about me and my school strike. 

Please help me communicate this to the grown ups who lie about me and family so that I can focus on school instead:

Recently I’ve seen many rumors circulating about me and enormous amounts of hate. This is no surprise to me. I know that since most people are not aware of the full meaning of the climate crisis (which is understandable since it has never been treated as a crisis) a school strike for the climate would seem very strange to people in general. So let me make some things clear about my school strike.

In may 2018 I was one of the winners in a writing competition about the environment held by Svenska Dagbladet, a Swedish newspaper. I got my article published and some people contacted me, among others was Bo Thorén from Fossil Free Dalsland. He had some kind of group with people, especially youth, who wanted to do something about the climate crisis. I had a few phone meetings with other activists. The purpose was to come up with ideas of new projects that would bring attention to the climate crisis. Bo had a few ideas of things we could do. Everything from marches to a loose idea of some kind of a school strike (that school children would do something on the schoolyards or in the classrooms). That idea was inspired by the Parkland Students, who had refused to go to school after the school shootings. I liked the idea of a school strike. So I developed that idea and tried to get the other young people to join me, but no one was really interested. They thought that a Swedish version of the Zero Hour march was going to have a bigger impact. So I went on planning the school strike all by myself and after that I didn’t participate in any more meetings.

When I told my parents about my plans they weren’t very fond of it. They did not support the idea of school striking and they said that if I were to do this I would have to do it completely by myself and with no support from them. On the 20 of august I sat down outside the Swedish Parliament. I handed out fliers with a long list of facts about the climate crisis and explanations on why I was striking. The first thing I did was to post on Twitter and Instagram what I was doing and it soon went viral. Then journalists and newspapers started to come. A Swedish entrepreneur and business man active in the climate movement, Ingmar Rentzhog, was among the first to arrive. He spoke with me and took pictures that he posted on Facebook. That was the first time I had ever met or spoken with him. I had not communicated or encountered with him ever before.

Many people love to spread rumors saying that I have people ”behind me” or that I’m being ”paid” or ”used” to do what I’m doing. But there is no one ”behind” me except for myself. My parents were as far from climate activists as possible before I made them aware of the situation. I am not part of any organization. I sometimes support and cooperate with several NGOs that work with the climate and environment. But I am absolutely independent and I only represent myself. And I do what I do completely for free, I have not received any money or any promise of future payments in any form at all. And nor has anyone linked to me or my family done so. And of course it will stay this way. I have not met one single climate activist who is fighting for the climate for money. That idea is completely absurd. Furthermore I only travel with permission from my school and my parents pay for tickets and accommodations.

My family has written a book together about our family and how me and my sister Beata have influenced my parents way of thinking and seeing the world, especially when it comes to the climate. And about our diagnoses. That book was due to be released in May. But since there was a major disagreement with the book company, we ended up changing to a new publisher and so the book was released in august instead. Before the book was released my parents made it clear that their possible profits from the book ”Scener ur hjärtat” will be going to 8 different charities working with environment, children with diagnoses and animal rights.

And yes, I write my own speeches. But since I know that what I say is going to reach many, many people I often ask for input. I also have a few scientists that I frequently ask for help on how to express certain complicated matters. I want everything to be absolutely correct so that I don’t spread incorrect facts, or things that can be misunderstood.

Some people mock me for my diagnosis. But Asperger is not a disease, it’s a gift. People also say that since I have Asperger I couldn’t possibly have put myself in this position. But that’s exactly why I did this. Because if I would have been ”normal” and social I would have organized myself in an organisation, or started an organisation by myself. But since I am not that good at socializing I did this instead. I was so frustrated that nothing was being done about the climate crisis and I felt like I had to do something, anything. And sometimes NOT doing things - like just sitting down outside the parliament - speaks much louder than doing things. Just like a whisper sometimes is louder than shouting.

Also there is one complaint that I ”sound and write like an adult”. And to that I can only say; don’t you think that a 16-year old can speak for herself? There’s also some people who say that I oversimplify things. For example when I say that "the climate crisis is a black and white issue”, ”we need to stop the emissions of greenhouse gases” and ”I want you to panic”. But that I only say because it’s true. Yes, the climate crisis is the most complex issue that we have ever faced and it’s going to take everything from our part to ”stop it”. But the solution is black and white; we need to stop the emissions of greenhouse gases. Because either we limit the warming to 1,5 degrees C over pre industrial levels, or we don’t. Either we reach a tipping point where we start a chain reaction with events way beyond human control, or we don’t. Either we go on as a civilization, or we don’t. There are no gray areas when it comes to survival. And when I say that I want you to panic I mean that we need to treat the crisis as a crisis. When your house is on fire you don’t sit down and talk about how nice you can rebuild it once you put out the fire. If your house is on fire you run outside and make sure that everyone is out while you call the fire department. That requires some level of panic.

There is one other argument that I can’t do anything about. And that is the fact that I’m ”just a child and we shouldn’t be listening to children.” But that is easily fixed - just start to listen to the rock solid science instead. Because if everyone listened to the scientists and the facts that I constantly refer to - then no one would have to listen to me or any of the other hundreds of thousands of school children on strike for the climate across the world. Then we could all go back to school. I am just a messenger, and yet I get all this hate. I am not saying anything new, I am just saying what scientists have repeatedly said for decades. And I agree with you, I’m too young to do this. We children shouldn’t have to do this. But since almost no one is doing anything, and our very future is at risk, we feel like we have to continue.

And if you have any other concern or doubt about me, then you can listen to my TED talk ( https://www.ted.com/…/greta_thunberg_the_disarming_…/up-next ), in which I talk about how my interest for the climate and environment began.

And thank you everyone for your kind support! It brings me hope. /Greta

Ps I was briefly a youth advisor for the board of the non profit foundation “We don’t have time”. It turns out they used my name as part of another branch of their organisation that is a start up business. They have admitted clearly that they did so without the knowledge of me or my family. I no longer have any connection to “We don’t have time”. Nor does anyone in my family. They have deeply apologised for what has happened and I have accepted their apology.

[n-neko-o]

dear you who is reading this,

greetings! charot. u r prolly reading this because i already went home in a box to see nirvana. i just want you to know how much life made me suffer and how much i’ve fought. man, it was a good fight tho. if ever man that the cause of my death is i never woke up from my sleep or whatsoever, IT IS FINE. i am super duper tired already and i just want to take a very long break (maybe death is too much of a break hahaha!). mali mali grammar ko, sinusulat ko ‘to ng 2pm yata. i’m really sleepy but i can’t fall asleep. my head is throbbing so bad.

anyways, my wishES when i’m gone are:

please please remember how cruel, inhumane and sick the turtle government is/was/will always be. remember the thousands of deaths, killings (from a child, to minors, to indigenous people— all innocents), the violation of human rights, the violence, the whacking corruption (HELLO PHILHEALTH?!), how the dim-witted trolls and fanatics get paid by getting into our nerves, how du30 gave away our islands just like that!!! (TUTA NG CHINA KA), how afp/pnp treated an activist during her child’s funeral, how unjust our justice system is (HBD DEBOLD), how the dolomite sand helped our mental health (what a fcking joke), how they handled the health crisis and prioritized other stupid things rather than focusing on solving the covid-19 crisis (ILANG MONTHS NA TAYONG QUARANTINED, PANG ANONG TOP TAYO SA BUONG MUNDO?!), remember the trillions of money they borrowed which was supposed to be used to aid the effects of covid-19, remember how some senators degraded our healthcare professionals, teachers and FARMERS!!!! also how they ignored SCIENCE/RESEARCH and think that following some advice from UP will deflate their ego!!! how these UNQUALIFIED officials get their position (WOW MAY BACKER! KAPIT PA! TUTA KA NG TUTA), how students and teachers risked their lives and health, and suffered, and DIED!!! because DepEd doesn’t want #academicfreeze (no class no kupit si DepEd, haba pa ng buhay ni briones), AND MANY MORE!!!! please do not ever forget how bloody and dirty this regime went. wake up!

my next wish is, for myself. hehehe i wish you all remember me as a kind person. the one who stayed strong and independent. remember me as one who didn’t want to disturb people so she just keeps her feelings to herself. please remember me as someone who was selfless, yet ambitious. someone who constantly shows up and is always there for people and makes sure they feel loved and they receive enough attention. remember me as someone who was always willing to help even tho i’m also suffering myself. remember me as the short tempered sarcastic woman with a resting bitch face but is a real softie. the maarte lady who dresses up so nice and looks so pretty as always hihi. remember me as someone who gives her all when she loves. someone who is willing to sacrifice everything for the people she loves. please remember me as the introverted cat lady who loves to read (and also procrastinate a lot!). i also love coffee and i am a coffee judger lol. please remember me as someone with anxiety, sebborheic dermatitis and nearsightedness (400/450). remember me as the person who isn’t afraid of anything and is always open for adventures and spontaneous trips. someone who is not afraid to speak her mind esp when she’s being abused/taken advantage of. someone who has an open-mind, and clear view of everything and of everyone’s perspectives (i’m fair haha). lastly, please remember that I have a beautiful soul and genuine heart (because it’s true hahaha!)

the world was cruel to me but I have loved everyone who stayed with me (or yung mga dumaan lang). i am still thankful that i get to live my life naman, but I am happier now because this is what i really want. grieve for me, cry and pour ur hearts out. i know it’s painful so please don’t try to be strong and happy. break down, weep and be vulnerable. and after that, back to business na. please do not forget about me. i hope there is something that would remind you of me when u see it.

I LOVE YOU.

THANK YOU.

Love,

Niccole.

[mgahunahuna]

Entry #3: The Feeling Self

I’ve always struggled with my emotions. I grew up in a household that didn’t really tolerate the expression of emotions, especially the ones that society deems to be negative. As a child, I was frequently reprimanded for crying or acting out. Sometimes, I would force myself to feel happy or joyful, even though I was not, just for the sake of not being yelled at or humiliated. Eventually, this translated into me bottling up my emotions or hiding them from the people around me, only to confront them later on at night while I’m in bed alone. Yes, I was one of those kids who cried themselves to sleep. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, but it did feel comforting at the very least.

As I grew older, however, I started to explore the wide range of emotions one can possibly feel through my different interactions with people outside of my immediate family. This helped me form a better perception towards my emotions, as well as a better understanding of my feeling self. I also started to develop a closer relationship with my mother, who encouraged me to express my emotions no matter what they were. She asked that I never hide anything from her. So I listened. This growth in our relationship eventually paved the way for how I am now.

So how in touch am I with my feeling self? I would say I am quite familiar with my emotions. I know the extents by which I am able to feel my emotions and the extents by which I know it will eventually start to harm and not benefit me. Basically, I know my limits, and even though I am self-aware of these, I am not afraid to test the boundaries. I am not the type of person who bottles up their emotions anymore. Although I still do have the tendency to do that, it is no longer my immediate response to a tragic event or a displeasing outcome.

So yes, I do allow myself to feel unpleasant emotions. I always remind myself everyday that it’s perfectly okay to be sad — that my feelings are always going to be valid. I don’t want to go back to the time when I wasn’t allowed to feel sad because feeling sad meant being ungrateful or an ingrato. I am of the firm belief that these emotions exist for a reason and cannot simply be replaced by the other emotions simply because they are not known to be “unpleasant”. I am the type of person who confronts my unpleasant emotions even if that means crying on my bed for two straight hours. And yes, it does get quite unhealthy sometimes, and I do recognize that. Sometimes my emotions can bring me too far that I start to deteriorate and just continuously ruminate. It ultimately decreases my productivity, and as a college student, who would even want that?

What I really noticed when I started to allow myself to feel all my emotions as much as possible, is that it has become easier to empathize with other people who go through the same thing. I have many friends with their own fair share of problems. Sometimes these problems often resemble some of the struggles and challenges I’ve been through in the past. Because of this, I always seek to maintain a good relationship with them by aiding them in their troubles. I do this by providing words of advice and wisdom, or by simply helping them physically by buying them food or keeping them busy. I used to never do these things for people, because I never felt like I could truly understand what they were going through. It was so easy for me to just brush off their concerns because I didn’t feel the same way. But now, empathy is second nature to me.

I can honestly say that this empathy has been a gift to me. It’s quite easy to notice a change in tone when a person is speaking, or being able to observe their actions and speech and automatically noticing that something is wrong. Even the way a person stands can be a signal for what they might be going through. I believe that all of these I was only able to develop when I started accepting the emotions within me. How can one be able to understand the feelings of others when they don’t even understand their own feelings?

Because of all of this, being in touch with my feeling self has not only helped or benefitted me as an individual, but it has also strengthened my relationships with other people. When I allow myself to feel the unpleasant emotions, it becomes easier for people to approach me and ask me what’s wrong. These emotions become a signaling point that I probably need help or need someone to rely on. In the same way that empathy is sparked in me when I see someone who needs help, empathy is also sparked in other people when they see that I am drowning in my unpleasant emotions. It’s a system that enables a better understanding of each other, so I would say it’s quite remarkable.

In a world where men are constantly told not to be expressive with their emotions, where crying isn’t socially acceptable and holding back a tear is meant to be a skill, it’s quite hard to be so emotionally in touch with yourself. Sometimes, I get labeled as being maarte, OA, or even bading. I honestly don’t mind being called those things because my real problem is the other people who still bottle up their emotions for fear of being called those exact same things. Just think of the little boys who are always reminded to maintain a macho or masculine image and are taught to never cry or even express a tinge of sadness. And since I went through a similar experience, the fear and concern is even more pronounced. This is where toxic masculinity eventually arises from, when we teach boys to always be strong and that weakness is unnatural. But it is not. It is completely normal. I wish more people believed in this.

In conclusion, I’m pretty confident with my feeling self. There isn’t much in me that would suggest that I stop acting the way I am because it’s actually helped me quite a lot in dealing with the stresses and pressures of college. It’s not easy to be in such a high stakes, high pressure environment but the point is to always just be true to yourself. You can never mask your true feelings forever, sometimes they just need to be let out.

[honestlylyingme]

I just wanted to let my feelings out just for tonight please. Just let me be a drama queen.

To the person who is my so called best friend (I have many best friends though😂): Hi you probably know what I am about to do. I hope you read this and get all fucked up being guilty about the little fuck up that you did to me. Remember the night that I messaged you when you were at a friend's house? That night something happened that night that made me want to curl in my bed, cry my eyes out and shut the world. I know, I'm dramatic okay? You probably didn't know that you were the first person who I called after what happened. Do you want to know why you were the one? First, it was because you were only the person who was online that night and second, you were my bestfriend and I trusted you. But right now, I doubt if I trust you after what you said and did. I tried calling you because it was hard to type while crying, but you said you were only using data on your phone, so I tried my best typing. And trust me it was hard. You even made jokes about it to cheer me up. And I swear, I laughed at it even if it wasn't that funny. Because I know you were trying to cheer me up when no one else could. We were bestfriends for almost 5 years though. You always come to me when you have "problems" (I'm not gonna say what problem because someone will know who he is though cause I plan to keep it a secret😆) and I was always there to listen and give you advice and guide you what you should do next. Because... That's what bestfriends do. And then when you got a girlfriend, you gave her all your attention to her, all of your time. At which I felt like I was forgotten... I felt like I wasn't existed ever since I helped you with her. I know I seem jealous but trust me, I wasn't having that type of jealous, I was jealous of what you give her. Your time and attention. Just for a little. But none. Even after you treated me with a "Cheezy like Cheetos" I thank you for that again though. So I just ignored it and I just go with the flow. And as the time passed, for what like a week? You went up to me, and said you broke up with your girlfriend... I told you what you should supposed to do, and you did what I told you to. I was also proud that you did it though. You were acting like a grown up, facing his problems. Lol. And I told you about what I felt about me being forgotten by you. I know I sound selfish. I'm just your bestfriend though. I know what my place is, but I can't help it. Sue me. And you remember what you did? You said 'you are being dramatic' and to me, you basically told me to shut up and fuck off though. So I did after I reasoned with you why I was like that. Then the month of my birthday came, I invited you of course. I was about to give you an invitation and so are my friends, I gave them theirs. I was at school since 9 am and I couldn't wait until 3 pm when you get there. So I left. I had no money in me so I could buy lunch or even snacks, I didn't want to starve while waiting for you. Then when I came home and 3 pm passed, you messaged me, telling me you waited for me. And I wasn't there. You got upset and I was feeling sorry that I didn't held back my hunger and waited for you. Then, you told me I was being dramatic like a drama queen. I know I get annoying but that should bestfriends do, accept eachother the way they are, even if the other is mentally crazy. So you claimed that you won't come to my birthday, so I didn't push it anymore since I don't want you to get anymore upset by me. So I kept my silence. But I was hoping that you would message me back. Telling me that you were sorry the way you were acting and I'll say it was okay. But you didn't. And when my birthday came, my mother told me that you were coming along. I got my hopes up though... And guess what? They just went downhill. Crushed. I shouldn't have get my hopes up. I just got my hopes went down the drain. And now, you're telling someone that I was the one being dramatic. As always. I think I should be the one to blame, I got myself high hopes. And I realized, why would I waste my time on people who doesn't even give a flying fuck about me? I don't know what to answer. The right answer. Maybe because I trusted a wrong person to be my bestfriend? Maybe because I trust people too much that made them stomp over my being? Am I too nice to be treated that way? Am I a bad friend? Maybe because I treated you as my 'TRUSTABLE' friend. So much trust I gave to you. I trust you because I know we're both fuck ups too. And you even have the courage to use my name to make you get what you want. I feel disappointed for you and myself. I feel disappointed for trusting you. And after this, I'll get out of your hair, your life though. Thank you for the memories. Even if the are full of your perverted remarks Bes.😊 I loved you just the way you are. Alam ko. Maarte ako. Pero inisip ko na tanggap mo ang pagiging ako since magbestfriends tayo. Last na ito. Bye😊

[optimisticprincepainter]

Luminaries from the field of cricket and film industry got together to share anecdotes about Tiger Pataudi. The evening was hosted by Bishan Singh Bedi to celebrate 25 years of Bishan Bedi Cricket Coaching Trust. Sharmila Tagore, Soha Ali Khan and Saba Ali Khan were a part of the evening. Bedi said, that when he asked Sharmila why Saif could not make it to the event, she said, “Oh! He has a terrible knack of disappearing.” Bedi said that he has been influenced by few legends in cricket – Donald Bradman, Frank Worrell and Tiger Pataudi. “These are the legends whose names will be mentioned whenever we talk about cricket,” said Bedi. As he shared some anecdotes about Tiger Pataudi, Bedi said that though we hear about sledging in cricket now, Tiger never used any swear words. “I never heard the man swear in English, Hindi or Punjabi. Koi MC, BC, kisi ka zikr nahi kiya kabhi. On one occasion, we were playing in Kanpur and it was very cold and the dressing room was also very poorly placed, with no sunlight, in the month of December. We decided to sit out in the sun. As we sat down, a few kids from the neighbourhood came in a group and started misbehaving and pushing us. Tiger returned to the dressing room and all he said was, ‘your parents should have never slept together!’”  Soha and Saba Ali Khan with Bishan Singh Bedi and Sharmila Tagore  Bedi added, “Tiger was outstanding in so many ways. I have not seen a better outfielder than Tiger Pataudi – not just in Indian cricket, but in world cricket. He was so athletic, yeh jo diving, sliding dekh rahe hain na aaj kal hum, Tiger used to do it in the ’60s and ’70s. I have always believed that Tiger Pataudi was 50 years ahead of his time with his vision of Indian cricket. He had tremendous shoulder strength, goli ke maafik throw maarte thay. On one occasion, his shoulder got dislocated while throwing a ball. The doctor was trying to fix it, moving his arm, and Tiger was screaming. The doctor said, ‘Come on Pat, there is a woman next door and she has given birth to twins, she is not screaming as much as you.’ Tiger replied, ‘Try putting them back.’ He had a subtle sense of humour. Tiger never indulged in any kind of self pity and didn’t allow anybody to talk about the loss of his eye. He used to say that in a country of blind people, the one-eyed man is king.”  The Times of  India : 9th. Mar,18

CRICKET AND FILM FRATERNITY CAME TOGETHER TO PAY TRIBUTE TO TIGER PATAUDI : Luminaries from the field of cricket and film industry got together to share anecdotes about Tiger Pataudi.

[docsharifa]

so there’s this boy...

...who always hangs around the second floor of our building, who I always see with a gray or black bag, who I accidentally and don’t expect to encounter with; who is a Medical Technology student. 

Just an ordinary, handsome boy with a very chinese surname and an american name. His name could match his looks. I can die now (here goes my fangirling~)

So, I haven’t written or posted any entry about him because you know I was blind with lots of things and my eyes were preoccupied with visions of another guy who is really a waste of my precious retina. To see. Yep.

This boy has my eagle eyes on ever since I was a Second Year college student. Way too long bruh! And that time, I didn’t know his name. I just see his figure in a swarm of students anywhere and I wasn’t really interested until I saw a clear picture of him standing alone, detaching himself from people. Good-looking bes. Tall. Fair skinned. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Then, my investigation went on and on. I wanted to know his name and what a small world and really such a coincidence he is friends with my boy classmate. I also see him driving around with a car. (I stil remember my friends when we were eating some merienda outside the campus and his car passed by the stall, my friends, yes my friends, shouted “JAMES, SI SHARIFA DARAYAN.” Just when he turned the wheel, he looked to his side and gahd, I swear I almost want to punch them all. My baby could get into car accident because of them! #charot) And he has a girlfriend. such a loyal boy #cries

Well, I don’t care if he has a sweetheart. I just admire that boy which got my admiration for 2 years. (Hanggang saan aabot ang admirasyon mo? Hahahaha) Anyways, despite of knowing that, I didn’t go over my boundaries (Like pakita sa kanya na okay um crush kita, tayo na pls. yak heck no) A lady must be modest at all times. My friends are the ones who make laglag to you. Anytime. Anywhere. My day is complete even just one glance of him. I’m so happy even just to see him from afar. Haaayyyy, kakainlove. Charot.

But then the admiration goes rolling intensely, I seemed to find out so many flaws of him that makes him human. And I don’t really care tho. Who am I to judge? And who am I to tell him to change his ways? I am just one of those girls who admire him from afar. And again, I don’t mind. 

Now, I want to thank my friends. REALLY. SARCASM INTENDED. For always teasing me up front. For always being there and WOW SUCH A SUPPORT U GUYS HAVE FOR ME. Kulang nalang siguro ng isang malaking board na “James, Sharifa oh!” So, whenever I passed by (most specifically the second floor), he turns to look; he smiles. He ughhhh stop it jebaaaaal. He chuckles at the failed attempts of avoiding him and sometimes, making a fool out of myself. Hays, why self? Ang dignidad!

The reason why I can’t really let go of him (chars) as the person I admire the most is because he isn’t a snobby person nor a maarte one. He even wrote me a letter, a personal handwritten letter!! (Of course, credits to the help of Ms. Linda Masihul, my friend, without your effort, walang letter ngayon.) He also congratulated me at my Whitecoat and Pinning Ceremony!! Ayyyyyy nako nako, my heart. Really babe.

So there is this boy who stole a portion of my heart and I don’t mind. I let him have it. Even if stealing is bad, it’s fine. And even if I didn’t steal his for it was stole by another lady, It’s okay, I’m happy watching my heart goes on a ride in a one way street. And his name is James Dean Yee.

I wrote this post because I won’t be seeing him next semester (and it is my last semester na!!!!). So, hopefully when I see him again, he is already wearing a graduation toga.