#just not the polyamory rep I expected

[max-imumbooks]

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

SPOILERS AHEAD

I found this one exclusively through TikTok, and it was marketed heavily as a love triangle that resolves into polyamory. Which it kind of was, but imo doesn't really count. More on that later. It was also marketed as Pacific Rim meets Chinese mythology, which it was.

We start with a world where young men and women with high chi levels are recruited to pilot giant mech suits called Chrysalises, except in this world the patriarchy is hella strong, so the women recruited pretty much serve as a chi batteries for the men who actually do the piloting, until the women inevitable run dry and die in battle.

Our main character Zetian volunteers as a pilot specifically to murder the pilot who drained her older sister. Except when the time comes for their first time to pilot together, instead of being a battery for her "pilot", Zetian fights for dominance in the chi world and ends up killing her male partner. There's actually a great moment after he dies where Zetian shoulders her way out of the mech suit and dumps the guy's body on the hull as the news helicopters circle around and broadcast everything in real time.

Of course, this gets her in trouble, because Patriarchy, and what follows is a speedrun of the hunger games complete with makeovers and navigating high society and public interest in order to survive. She's paired with a legendary pilot, but who has a reputation of killing girls because his chi levels are just so great. He feels bad about it though. Oh, and he's also a convicted murderer (from his pre-chrysalis days). Which is okay because he killed his rapist brothers.

The love triangle comes in the form of Zetian's mutual childhood crush, who finagles his way onto her publicity team to stay close. He develops a crush on Zetian's copilot, and the copilot likes the childhood crush too, so, voila, polyamory. Right? Well....

The thing that gets me is that I never got the sense that Zetian fell in love with her copilot. She definitely softens towards him over the course of the novel, but it still felt like the eventual threesome was because the guys liked each other, and not that Zetian loves them both. It's not the end of the world. I just went in with certain expectations due to Zhao's own TikTok vids, so I was left wanting more.

[And we'll just ignore the fact that one of their little throuple is presumed dead by the end of the book. It's not burying your gays if the author is queer, right? Right?]

One thing this novel actually surprised me with was the fact that Zetian isn't exactly.... likeable. She is so full of rage and resentment and distrust that she ends up being really fucking mean to almost everyone around her. But you still end up rooting for her! The world around her deserves to burn, so she's well justified. It's just an unusual angle most authors don't take in regards to their female main characters, that it's a refreshing moment of "I don't relate to this character at all, but I still root for her."

I like the Chrysalises a lot, I just wish we got a bit more lore around them. They're all tied to different elements, just like chi itself is, and it's a relatively unknown area for me so I would have liked to see more world building in the story of it. In fact, that would be my biggest complaint for this book-- it felt like two parts of a trilogy in one, and as a result feels rushed and the world around the characters is kind of glossed over except for the Patriarchy of it all.

I really enjoyed the book overall. Perhaps not as much as I was hoping or expecting to, but I'm definitely in for the sequel, whenever it ends up being released. I know there's some background issues between Zhao and their publisher, but I'm hopefully we'll still see it soon.

Rating: 3.5 stars

[fllagellant]

After screenshotting my original 1:27 am rant just for safekeeping and returning to this line of thought, I think I would like to swing this bat at a hornets nest . And I shall call it ;

BG3 And Polyamory, AKA The Discourse From The Eyes Of The Polyamorous

Hi, I am now disclosing the polyamorous part of my queer identity to the internet. Yay! Remember, I am only one polyamorous person on this website and I am not the spokesperson. This is just my own opinion and my own feelings with how both the game and the fandom seem to be handling the inclusion of polyamorous relationships and characters.

And in my humble opinion: Yikes !

This should be no surprise, but the polyamorous rep in bg3 isn’t … really good . It’s there, sure, and maybe I’m the fool for expecting it to be good when it really is the first time I have ever really heard of a game having an actual polyamorous option. Like on purpose. But with how much bg3 was hyped up as being super inclusive and completely different from all other games in the genre, I had hoped that it would take a good approach to polyamorous people and relationships.

Suffice to say, it fell flat once I actually looked into it.

The companions listed as open for an open/poly relationship are Astarion, Shadowheart, Minthara, and Halsin . What’s wrong with that?

3/4 of these characters already feel like they lean into the conservative fear of polyamory . Three of them are the ‘ evil ‘ members of your party . While ( besides Halsin, but we’ll get to that ) the rest of the ‘ good ‘ character are all monogamous. Growing up in a conservative home, in a conservative province, discussions of the idea of polyamory always came back to the same argument. That only the strange and amoral would do it. Only people who can’t be trusted and don’t actually care about you want to be in a polygamous relationship. And sadly, that is what I see echoed in the choices of who is and isn’t polyamorous.

I romanced Wyll in my first playthru. I had always planned to romance Wyll, actually, since I first saw his design when I first learned of bg3 during its early access days. When I met Halsin next, and chose the options to flirt with him, I thought that a polyamorous relationship between my Tav, Wyll, and Halsin would be cute. I had hoped it would work. I had already seen plenty of Astarion and Halsin and Tav art and gifsets and every other piece of fan content floating around . I had hoped that maybe that bit I read about who is and isn’t open for polyamory was outdated, and I could have this relationship play out in my little playthru .

Of course, it came down to having to choose. And I shrugged it off, at first. Sure, Larian didn’t make Wyll polyamorous for whatever reason. It is the first game that has polyamorous options, and I can just continue the game but have that polyamorous relationship in my head as my canon for my character. That’s fine, that’s what I’ve done before. It can’t be different now, right?

But then, I looked online, opened Tumblr, wondering what other people would say. Not thinking that it would be a big debate about if it is or is not okay to pair certain characters in an ot3 or not.

Wyll can’t be polyamorous, because knightly tales of courting and the mere act of courting is strictly monogamous. Pairing him in an polyamorous relationship is fundamentally misunderstanding the character and you’ve missed the point of him if you do that. It’s wrong to want that, wrong to think about it. The game has polyamorous options, be happy with what you have.

And so, I felt guilty. Larian already set up this dichotomy between their good leaning characters having the normal and good monogamous relationship and the evil leaning characters having the strange and perverse polyamorous relationship. But then, to see that the mere act of pairing your own character with two characters because you think it’s cute, is now being looked down upon so heavily and being seen as a “ fundamental misunderstanding of the characters “. And to have those ideas an opinions suddenly become the most agreed and accepted stance on the topic? How was I supposed to feel anything other than shame. Like I had been enjoying the game wrong, in a backward way.

If Wyll was polyamorous, you do know his approach to love wouldn’t change, right? Same with Gale. Same with Karlach. Same with Lae���zel. None of them would suddenly have to have completely different approaches to love and how they want to show it and how they want to go about it. Wyll can still be replicating the courting, the dancing, the slow burn that he always heard about in bards tales and he could still be polyamorous. There’s this idea that polyamorous love is only able to be expressed in very specific, very narrow ways. That miss the point of what love is.

People don’t act like this with the polyamorous companions, I’ve noticed. You aren’t suddenly bad and misunderstanding the story of Astarion or Shadowheart or Minthara or Halsin for having a strict two person relationship with them, and not expanding into the idea of those characters taking on another partner at some point. If you have Astarion in a strict monogamous relationship, no one says anything. But saying that you have a Tav who’s dating both Karlach and Gale? People are going to talk about you. They’re going to make vague posts. They’re going to talk about how it is Impossible for those characters to Ever be comfortable in a polyamorous relationship and how it is Wrong to protray them as happy in one.

I didn’t think people forgot that the stereotype of monogamy = good and polyamory = bad is still alive and well, but it seems that when it comes to the funny dungeons and dragons video game, it’s okay to prop that stereotype up and get mad when that is possibly challenged.

Now, what about Halsin? He’s a strictly good companion. He cannot fall under the pervious argument, so is he an exception?

No. It’s worse.

Halsin being polyamorous stems in racism. Wood Elves are all described as being polyamorous, and that they do not understand jealousy. And that they do not ever settle with any of their partners. And that the relationships they have are seen as “ doomed to fail “ . This is a stereotype. Commonly associated with indigenous people. That we cannot hold a ‘ proper ‘ relationship and that we always sleep around . We didn’t fit the white model of what a (white) family and a (white) relationship should look like, so the stereotypes and misconceptions started. And, unsurprisingly, ended up as another bit of dnd racism and bioessentialism.

Halsin doesn’t uphold the pervious argument at all, but he shows another part of the discussion that I don’ t think anyone really thought of. The racism stereotypes didn’t vanish when Larian made BG3, they’re all still there. You still have good races and evil races. You still have all the dnd bioessentialism that everyone was so keen to say was gone or just pretended it wasn’t there anymore.

And Halsin is an example of those stereotypes that people are still feeding. So much content with him in it narrows him down to ‘ Big Elf that Fucks and is Horny ‘ or ‘ Big Elf that can be Sexualized no matter What he Does ‘ and it is because Larian didn’t remove the stereotypes in the first place , and fandom doesn’t care enough to take a step back for a second to realize they’re playing into them.

Am I saying you shouldn’t have an ingame polycule with the characters available? No. If it’s cute, and you like it , and it makes sense with the story you’re making for your character, and literally just because you can, go for it! But for the love of god, can we be a bit more careful with how we treat the concept of polyamorous relationships and how we talk about them? Polyamory isn’t just a fandom thing with your ot3s, it’s a real life thing. And we can see how you treat people just having fun with their characters. You understand that, once you get that torn up over the act of making three characters hold hands, it becomes a little bit hard to forget that that is the attitude you hold towards the concept of polyamory when it doesn’t fit the molds you’ve subscribed to.

[biocrafthero]

Some Queer Games and Devs to check out this Pride Month

Hello! I play a decent amount of video games, and like making posts about them. This year, I've been making a lot more posts analyzing and promoting games I particularly enjoy. I'm making this post as a way to share games that have queer developers and/or topics to celebrate this year's Pride Month.

All games' websites will be linked in their respective sections, and I urge you to check out any of the games that speak to you. There's a decent amount of variety on this list, so please give all of them a look!

Please note that all of these games are ones I have personally played--I am not including games I have not played yet for myself. If you were hoping for your favorite title to be on here, I am very sorry but chances are I just haven't heard of or played it yet.

ANATOMY (2016)

ANATOMY is a horror game released in 2016 by developer Kitty Horrorshow (she/her). While the game does not contain any queer themes, the dev is openly transgender.

The plot of the game coincides with the gameplay, which centers around walking through a nearly pitch-black house collecting tapes and putting them in a tape player. Despite its simplicity, the game has been commended by many for being "the scariest game they have ever played." The story of the house is uncovered as you listen to each of the tapes, and reentering each time the game shuts you out.

This game features themes surrounding body horror and psychological horror, and one moment that can be seen as a mild jumpscare if it is not expected.

A full playthrough takes about an hour, with multiple endings. However, all roads lead to the same destination.

ANATOMY is available for $3 USD on itch.io.

We Know The Devil (2015)

We Know The Devil is a visual novel developed by the team Worst Girls Games, which consists of Aevee Bee (she/her) and Max Schwartz (any). Music for the game is composed by Alec Lambert.

The plot of the game surrounds three teenagers who have been sent to a religious summer camp in the American midwest. With just one week left, they're all hoping for everything to be smooth sailing, but nothing is ever that simple. On this fateful night, they must face the devil; two will make it out, but one will be left behind.

The gameplay focuses on making decisions on who gets paired up together, and consequently who gets left out of the interaction. These choices determine what ending you get and there are never any wrong answers.

Queer rep in this game consists of polyamory, lesbianism, transgenderism, and transhumanism. There is also mentioned homosexuality regarding a male character that is only ever talked about in passing.

This game contains themes surrounding religion, internalized homophobia, along with general homophobia and transphobia. There are scenes that depict underage drinking, vomiting, body horror, and some moments that can be interpreted as self-harm. Some sound effects in the game can be jarring, along with the track "Incense (Smoke & Honey)" from the OST, a song that plays in three of the four endings.

A single playthrough can take about two hours depending on reading speed. There are four endings, meaning a minimum of four playthroughs.

We Know The Devil is available for $6.66 USD on Steam, Nintendo Switch, and itch.io.

There is also the demo for the game, which is free to download off of the game's itch.io page and baked into the Switch port.

Heaven Will Be Mine (2017)

Heaven Will Be Mine is a visual novel also developed by the team Worst Girls Games, with soundtrack once again composed by Alec Lambert.

The game's plot centers around three factions in the solar system. They have all been called back to Earth under threat of death; two factions want to stay in space, while one is choosing to return. At the start of the game, you can choose one out of three characters to follow the POV of, each belonging to one of the three factions.

Gameplay is similar to We Know The Devil, meaning that you make decisions throughout the story that determine what ending you get. There are no wrong choices, only ones that lean in the favor of one of the faction out of your options.

Queer rep in this game consists primarily of polyamory, lesbianism, transgenderism, and transhumanism. There may be more I am forgetting to mention.

This game contains scenes depicting violence, body horror, and discussions about sexuality, abuse, and trauma. This game is meant for a more mature audience than the others on this list. Some sound effects and music in the game can be jarring. There may be content warnings I am forgetting to put here.

The game has three major story routes and three endings, and each playthrough takes around four to five hours depending on reading speed. At minimum, you will need to play this game three times.

Heaven Will Be Mine is available for $15 USD on Steam, iOS, and itch.io. It should be noted that the price on iOS is different than on other platforms, being listed at $5 USD.

In Stars And Time (2023)

In Stars And Time is a turn-based RPG developed by insertdisc5 (she/they) and published by Armor Games Studios. Music for the game is composed by Studio Thumpy Puppy.

The story follows your typical RPG party, starting the day before the final dungeon and final boss. However, when you go in, you get caught in a trap and die. Time suddenly rewinds, and you find yourself at the day before your party entered the dungeon. You are caught in a time loop, and must find a way to stop the final boss and escape the loops.

Gameplay mostly consists of turn-based combat with enemies, and making the right dialogue choices when talking to NPCs and your party members. There are several puzzles throughout the game that encourage you to use the looping mechanic to solve them.

Queer rep in this game consists of transgenderism (transmasc and nonbinary explicitly, but there are some characters that can be interpreted as transfem, agender, and/or genderfluid), aromanticism, asexuality, lesbianism and homosexuality, and a plot thread that involves t4t romance. All six major characters have canonical pronoun sets. There may be more rep I am forgetting to include here in this list.

This game contains scenes of mild violence, self-hatred and other heavy mental heath topics, one scene of child endangerment, unreality, and optional scenes involving self-harm and suicide.

The average playtime for this game is 26 hours, which increases to 36 depending on how much optional content you engage with. There is technically one ending, but an optional plot thread can get you an alternate version of the ending screen. This plot thread is highly encouraged to be followed.

In Stars And Time is available for $20 USD on Steam, itch.io, Nintendo Switch, and PS4 and PS5.

There is also a previous title titled START AGAIN: a prologue, which is available on Steam and itch.io. This game does not need to be played to understand In Stars And Time, but is highly recommended nonetheless.

Some personal anecdotes regarding each of these games:

In Stars And Time is one of the few games where I saw a character (Siffrin in this case), pointed at them, and said "They're just like me!"

We Know The Devil and Heaven Will Be Mine both have themes of queer solidarity in the face of oppression and it fills me with rebellious rage (positive).

ANATOMY is one of my favorite games ever made, and is objectively the scariest game I have ever played.

Almost all of these games have made me almost cry, which is a very high bar for a game to reach. The only one that didn't is ANATOMY, mostly because it evokes more fear than it does tears for me.

We Know The Devil in particular evokes a very specific nostalgia for me, so the setting and characters hit differently for me than they may for others.

I played In Stars And Time shortly after a breakup and consequently developed the most horrific crush on the character Isabeau. It is frankly quite embarrassing.

[ironunderstands]

Not a question, just very happy it's not just me loving IP3 (or trans Ratio for that matter). Yap away on both

Ugh I love them both so much

Most of my headcanons are when I find something to be better and/or more interesting than it is in canon, or something that’s a great extension of canon, and that’s exactly what trans Ratio is to me.

It takes his already present insecurities and squares them, as now the doctor has to contend with not just being a SMART enough man, but being a smart enough MAN, and adding that extra layer of misery and complexity is just so delightful.

By taking a character racked by self doubt and adding another layer to it, like Ratio being trans, you complicate his current insecurities and give new perspectives to look at them from.

Like in canon Ratio exercises so much because he wants to be the most perfect, best version of himself and has been doing it since a very young age (middle school).

But then you add him being trans to that, and suddenly he’s not just combating being perceived as not good enough, he’s combating being perceived entirely, attempting to try and get others to view him the way he really is, and attempting to live up to whatever masculine ideal that would push away his dysphoria, something prominent within his life from a young age.

I’ve kinda dived into this within my fics about it, but I like the idea that Ratio keeps this a secret from everyone- and I mean everyone. He already doesn’t live up to his own expectations of himself, so to have the rest of the galaxy find out that he doesn’t live up to their expectations of him either (ie being a cis man I mean you cannot tell me there aren’t like hundreds of people in universe begging for his uh- yeah), it would crush him.

I mean considering how guarded he is already, adding another thing to hide behind that alabaster mask would be fun, even if I think Ratio is likely at least a decade post-op + post-transition, so it’s not like he has to bind or anything, but the threat is still there. Especially considering his well known love of baths- imagine if he avoided the public baths at his home planet (considering how heavily Greek/Roman inspired Ratio is), and how that might affected him growing up, or just the tendency of shirtlessness in general.

There’s just a lot of possibilities and intricacies to it that makes me really like this particular headcanon, and it will always be canon in my heart haha. I have some more silly things behind it, like me wanting to give Aventio and Ratiopaz biological kids because it would be cute, or just the inherent joy of the big buff guy actually being the trans one rather than who you would expect it to be/who it’s stereotypically made as- Aventurine, as I like when characters have traits you don’t expect them to possess.

I also tend to dislike Aventurine being made ftm because he’s implied to be an SA survivor and rep for amab victims is already kinda abysmal so I don’t like taking it away, also I just think it’s boring tbh, at least for me it just doesn’t interest me.

Trans Topaz is a whole other discussion, personally I think she’s mtnb, and more femme presenting (I’d make her use she/they in my fics it’s just pronoun swapping when writing polyamory is miserable and anybody who’s ever written it can attest to that 😭, it’s there in spirit I promise!)

I honestly don’t have deep reasons behind this one, it’s just pure vibes. Someone was like, “Topaz gives nonbinary” once on here and I’m like yeah, yeah she does 😭. She reminds me of Childe a lot and I also view him as nonbinary so she’s kinda in a similar boat.

I think she’s very motherly but like in the way Mother Nature is if that makes sense? Mother is mothering but she’s also a creature tm* and certified tax collecting humanity loving entity. Also I have a close friend who’s a trans woman and Topaz reminds me of her so like, bam ur trans now lol (hi Alice if ur seeing this).

As for Aventiopaz, I fear I’d need a whole other post dedicated to why I like them. You guys know why I like Aventio, Avenpaz also require a whole other yap session, and Ratiopaz is the best rarepair ever fight me. Generally I like it because it’s really sweet, the dynamic is hilarious, they are the power trio of all time, they have great gameplay synergy, and their designs complement each other a lot- being primary colors and all.

I also enjoy their individual unique relationships to the IPC and how that might affect their interactions with one another, both in canon and in my brain. Moreover the trio of coworkers who are well known around the office for a) getting the job done and b) being absolutely obnoxious around one another (in a good way) is incredibly fun and I enjoy the idea of all the shenanigans they would get up to.

Perhaps my next Aventiopaz fic would be them going on a mission together or something, as I definitely want to write another one, and also update my slideshow of the parents au, I’ve just been so busy and a bit unmotivated 😭 so hopefully I can get to that soon

[thebibliosphere]

Do you have an opinion on the polyam-rep in the Riverdale polycule (Rivercule?)?

Bc I did a google after you posted that gifset and while there were the expected unqualified opinions from monogamists and ship-warriors there was also one person from a polyamory org that didn't like it because there wasn't enough relationship talk and communication/negotiation etc.

I think it’s Riverdale and expecting perfect representation from Riverdale is silly. Just let the blorbos kiss, it’s fun.

[godsstrongestangel]

ASTRO NOTES - 1

These are notes not observations because yes these are factz onlii 🗿 Take it with a pinch of salt

⚠️TW- sensitive, my cry soft babies 🥺 this is not for u honey just take my virtual hug 🫂 and take care of urself 💗

Capricorn moons are a disgrace to Capricorn community it is because of them the "capricorn sun" is stereotyped as judgemental and close minded for being so rigid when in reality it is true for moons onli the cap suns are the sweetest and most open minded people ever infact they are observational and not judgemental which indicates a higher level of intelligence unlike the cap moons (we get it its in detriment and you got a ton loads of mommy issue but baby whos gonna heal them? 🤡forget being the joker now, past is over)

Same way libra suns are petty and pathetic esp with their manipulative as well as people pleasing behaviors they are disgrace to libra community its other libra placements that represents true beauty and not shallowness or over rationalisation

I have to break it up to you but aquarius venus does not move on that easily infact many times it fails to move on they are just good at hiding it wanna know why? Because it is ruled by saturn daddy that means it is disciplined, determined and focused AND NO THEY ARE NOT CHEATERSSSS!!! Also being ruled by uranus means they will keep on bringing new changes (cant say for good or bad whoops!! ) in the relationship because it is a visionary sign they are probably daydreaming about marriage 🥺🥺 and yall are here throwin misiformation😒💀 PLUS ITSSS A FIXED SIGN WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM A FIXED SIGN SOCIETY?? TO MOVE ON IN THE SNAP OF A FINGER LIKE THANOSSSS BRO??

Now speaking of fixed venuses (aquarius, taurus, scorpio and leo) all of these fixed venus people at least have one lover they can never move on from they might feel they have moved on then suddenly the memories resurface 🏄🏻‍♀️🏄🏻‍♀️ you thought it was over huh?🤺🤺

Whats up with SCORPIO placements having a love for dogs and having a dog pet at least once in their life (esp moon) and then scorpio suns usually hating cats? 🗿 is it because they are willful and wont be manipulated by u? I suggest u seek some psychopath diagnosis this is some serious underdeveloped energy SIS/BRO IT IS UNHEALTHY

Aries and Scorpio mars would love the idea of tearing your clothes while making out or making love 😏💗🥵

Libra moons with air rising should actually consider polyamory

All libra moons are true romantics or should i say hopeless romantics

Cancer suns are pathological liars Its not Gemini yall need to stop giving them fake rep of lying

Leos suns talk a lot and they do not mix well with earth suns even if they try to earth sun will eventually find themselves pissed and drained bcuz of how much they speak and boast they are constantly speaking 😂 (gives headaches in worst case scenario)

Virgo sun and risings really do a lot of stuff and chores despite having phone addiction and even if they are not good in academic or dislike what they are studying they will still be seen suffering with books and notebooks

Venusians suns with leo moon are pretty miserable they are pessimistic and overthinkers it feels like they dont have touch with their emotions at all because they are constantly rationalising emotions to the point they are repulsive to deep feelers and feels almost inhumane 😬like you would not like forming deep connections with them because you will realise they lack emotional capabilities to connect with they sometimes can even make you loathe them or very annoyed its like you are dealing with someone who doesnt make sense at all as if their brain is underdeveloped or something you just dont wanna deal with them

Scorpio placements are not loyal

Sagittarius placements and doms laugh a lot 😂

All capricorn suns and virgo risings are skinny or petite

Aquarius suns do love posting on social media a lot and they do care about ur instagram 💀

Air venus can easily stay loyal with online relationships infact they are all loyal idk where the stereotypes are stemming from

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: Triple Sec by TJ Alexander

4.5/5. Releases 6/4/24.

Vibes: healthy polyamory, front and center genderqueer rep (from a trans nonbinary author), slice of life in the best possible way, BOMB ASS COCKTAILS

Heath Index: 7.5/10.

Ambitious high-end bartender Mel Sorrento has been in a rut since her divorce. Enter the vivacious, brilliant Bebe... who happens to have spouse. Quiet, reserved Kade doesn't have a problem with Mel dating their wife, however--because Kade and Bebe are polyamorous. Mel's never considered the lifestyle, but her instant connection with Bebe makes her willing to give it a shot. But when her dynamic with Kade begins to shift into something entirely new, she must confront what she's actually looking for in a relationship, and how much this new opportunity for love really means to her.

UGH. YES. This is how you do a contemporary romance that, at the end of the day, is a slice of life character piece. Triple Sec is not about shocking you with plot twists and over the top dramatics (and that's not a critique--often, I'd say that I prefer plot twists and over the top dramatics). It's just fucking good writing with great character development and romance. It's also one of the more realistic contemporary romances I've read, which is honestly so refreshing. I truly believed that there were grown-ass adults figuring out their shit.

Quick Takes:

--One thing I love about a triad romance (and while this is the most realistic one I've read (I say having never been in a polycule or a triad more specifically), I do generally enjoy reading about the complexities of both figuring out a three-way relationship and developing the different "segments". While I've read some that begin with love triangle elements, that isn't the case here. Though they aren't without expected hiccups, Kade and Bebe have a very healthy approach to Bebe's beginning relationship with Mel (and later Kade starting things with Mel as well).

I feel like in less capable hands, the degree to which Bebe and Kade communicate and deal with jealousy would seem overly sanitized or boring. Like, they begin the relationship with Kade sitting in on Bebe asking Mel out and everything, just to reassure Mel that there isn't any cheating going on. But like... it's NEVER dull. It never feels expected, or like these people are perfect. (I mean, they aren't--Mel has some struggles and stumbles when beginning her journey into polyamory.)

--Part of what makes that work, I think, is the contrast in the relationships. Kade and Bebe have been together for almost a decade--they know what they're doing, and their lived-in love reverberates off the page, even though the book is entirely from Mel's third-person perspective. (Kade calling Bebe "love" constantly, despite seeming kind of frosty? Swoon.) Bebe and Mel have this immediate chemistry, full of fun and fire. And Kade and Mel sort of like... I felt an automatic sexual tension, but I also think that Mel was a bit too "new" to their dynamic to super sense it. This is probably not going to make sense to anyone but me, but I got this kind of like... Darcy and Lizzie vibe? Kade was never as prickly as Darcy, but I definitely felt like Mel was in that "WHAT. BUT THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE ME???" space.

All of it worked to me. I mean--I won't lie. I was a little partial to Mel and Kade's dynamic, because a) I like it to be a little difficult and b) Kade was my favorite but everything is great.

--Let us expand on Kade being my favorite. I really appreciate a "still waters run deep" character. Kade is that. They seem remote, but they have so much feeling and passion rumbling under the surface, and Alexander throws them into this situation with Mel that is sooooo tropey and fabulous and reading as the feelings spilled out of them was just pitch-perfect.

This does happen somewhat later, so you technically spend a lot more time with Bebe and Mel together on the page. However, Kade has a such presence, and they're constantly sort of like... looming in the background. And because of that, the slowly bubbling tension that Mel doesn't even fully register for a while is so HOT. I mean. Kade is also so hot. I was ABOUT them. Again--love Bebe and Mel, together and apart, but WHEW.

--This is completely an aside, but I do think the cocktail competition and the highlighting of the art of making a great cocktail was really cool. It made me both want to learn how to mix drinks (to the extent that I can) and try something new. These types of details make a contemporary romance way richer, and they're appreciated.

--I think it's really important to show books that are both incredibly romantic and sexy and approachable. Again, I've never been in a polyamorous or more generally non-monogamous relationship. I can't attest to have truly realistic this book is. But in general, I loved seeing a romance in which the relationship part started fairly early, showing negotiations, showing boundaries, showing rules. I mean, really, monogamous relationships should also be subject to rules and negotiations and boundaries. We should normalize this in romance. Things change. That HEA does kinda take work in some stories, and that is more reflective of real life.

Speaking of the HEA... I so appreciated that both Kade and Mel had been in very serious, very intense relationships in the past. Kade's openness and honesty about how their past partner did offer them things Bebe couldn't (and Mel can't either) was so refreshing. It's not that they necessarily need someone else to come in and take that space (though the rules do allow room for new partners--we don't see anything happen beyond the triad in this book). It's just a reality. No one person can give you everything, and that doesn't mean that every person needs to be with enough people to comprise "everything". If that's even possible. It's just something to accept, no matter what your relationship preferences.

I also loved that Kade was kind of like--yeah, this could end. How many things are really forever? But we love each other when we love each other and make each other happy and that's good. I mean, I think some people will categorize this book as one with an HFN versus an HEA--personally, I'd kinda disagree with that. But either way, I really loved seeing a romance that validated the idea that like... A relationship ending doesn't mean it wasn't VALUABLE.

The Sex:

HOT HOT HOT. Technically speaking, there are three full sex scenes in this novel. Every single one of those scenes went HARD. We have sex in a public space, we have LICK! IT! UP! (as in cum) the strap is indeed taken out and used to great effect. It's great. I loved it. I also liked and overall agree with Bebe's philosophy regarding sex and how people often tend to switch up their "out of bed" personalities compared to their "in bed" personalities.

(Also. Kade is a dirty talker. What can't they do?)

A super queer, super sexy, super bubbly contemporary romance with a heavy emphasis on character development and love story that really sold me on the "love" part. And on a personal note--I have a trans nonbinary person in my life who is much loved, and I so appreciate them having someone like TJ Alexander to see out there, creating art and leaving a mark.

Would highly recommend.

Thanks to NetGalley and Atria/Emily Bestler Books for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: the Handling of Female Characters, "Girlbosses," and Dropped Polyamory in Season 2 (aka Why the HELL did you give Zheng Yi Sao that ending?)

For this one, I kind of just want to gesture at the ending of 2x7 and the entirety of 2x8 and scream at the top of my lungs, "What the FUCK was that SHIT?"

But I already did that when the finale itself came out, so instead I'm going to stay calm and give a genuine critique (though still as rambly as always).

The handling of this show's women is...questionable. I think the only woman that was handled 100% well is Mary in Season 1. No real notes there. I love her and how her storyline is written to bits.

But in season 2, all 3 major women characters (Archie, Zheng Yi Sao, and Spanish Jackie) have their storylines hamstrung by romantic plot lines.

In Archie's case, the romance plot works. Not every character needs to have a subplot. The bits that flesh out her character are well integrated into the story, whether that be her first kiss with Jim directly leading into the fighting to the death plotline/Jim finally standing up to Blackbeard or the lines "you have hope, it's cute," "this is just kinda how things work," and "they just kind of get away with it, you know" (though it still pisses me off that that last one goes unchallenged in the narrative) being used for plot progression, or are fun character details, such as all of the snake cult hints. (Do I wish that the poly aspect of her, Jim, and Olu's dynamic was better executed so that I didn't feel like the tealoranges plot was yanked out from under my feet? Yes. Of course.)

But as for Zheng Yi Sao?

The treatment of this character makes my blood boil.

See, I'm not opposed to her having a romantic plotline. In fact, I think it could have been fun. A woman can have romance and power. 2x7 even looked like it was building to that sort of conclusion, with Jim, Olu, and Archie joining her crew in one of the very few actual canon implications of poly (though no confirmation, sadly- have y'all seen the info about the deleted scenes that could have confirmed it? I can't believe so much ended up on the cutting room floor.) But then the end of 2x7 strips all power from Zheng Yi Sao.

The show pulled one of the most powerful pirates and most accomplished women in history (also a woman of color, btw, a fact which only doubles the weird fucking undertones of her treatment as a character) into the show only to strip her of her power, shove her into a romantic plot line on a ship where she isn't even a captain, and expected me not to pick up on ANY of the fucked up optics of the writing? The fact that we end the season with Zheng and Spanish Jackie both losing their power as pirate queens in exchange for setting them on a ship with only one singular boyfriend grinds my fucking gears, man.

There are ways to give Zheng a romantic plotline without it making her an idiot (ala what happens with Olu in 2x3) or making her lose all of her power (ala the finale). Jackie's case is less infuriating, but it does remind me of the fact that a lot of the casual poly/open relationship rep from the first season got stripped from the second season (and before you come at me with the Zheng/Olu/Archie/Jim storyline, look me in the eye and cite to me any concrete canon evidence we have of it. I ADORE the fanfic as much as the next person, but I mourn the lost potential every day. Check my previous tealoranges meta for that- I might write a long version of it sometime). Lucius and Pete lost all their open relationship implications and Jackie's husbands are dropped from the finale in favor of her running off with the only one who gets a name.

I understand that they probably wrote Zheng Yi Sao this way to show Stede's growth as a Captain by showing that he brings more flexible ideas to the table (which, by the way, is completely undermined by the fact that his plan actively kills Izzy in the process), but they really should have thought through the...everything in regards to the implications of writing Zheng Yi Sao this way. Because if you bring in one of the only female characters with speaking lines onto this show, a Chinese woman at that, make romance actively make her stupid, have her be fooled by a white man (who, by the way, kills THOUSANDS of unnamed women off-page in explosions and it's just kind of treated as a plot point for the whole Zheng/Auntie/Stede/Izzy/Ed comparison which gives me the ick), strip her of her fleet and her power, and then have the GALL to not even make her the Captain of the Revenge at the end of it all? I'm not sure I trust you to handle her legacy, much less write women in general.

TLDR; Writing a very queer show does not resolve you of sexism.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 17 Adoration

(Spoilers as this episode is out before other ones)

-Andre bonding with the child Audrey the supposed love of his life had with another man.

-I pity that man, changed everything about himself for love… it’s actually kind of sad. Because it’s clear he fell for the wrong person.

-Zoe got someone she is in love with. I’d say it’s Marinette, because she has LITERALLY no other people she has seen interacting with. But I doubt it will appear since this is an international show. So my bet is they will imply it without saying it, plus, Zoe doesn’t show the photo she was gonna bury.

-oh so Zoe is in 8th grade while Marinette is in 9th grade. So at least that conforms Audrey cheated on Andre AFTER having Chloe, Damn

-so those two are the reps. Also. Marc is a year younger than them. Interesting

-oh the zoenette is strong in this one

-The storage of all the gifts she made for Adrien, which needs cleaning out. Guess Marinette chilled out about things. Good on her.

-huh… this is the first time we actually get a full on tour of her room. (We see it a lot, but never knew how she divided her stuff up. Neat.

-Oh the hidden adrien simp board is new. Love the touch. (I love the little sticky drawings)

-That probably hurt Zoe more than she would let on.

-not gonna lie I know Andre isn’t his real name, but I get why he changed it. It’s a mouthful.

-the butlers name is Armand!?

-Zoe knows everyone in the hotel. Good. Glad that girl is respectful to the people that help run the place. (Zoe + 3 respect)

-And Chloe and Sabrina are there… what a shock (not really)

- Yea the show really just removed any and all character development they had for Chloe and squeezed it into Zoe. Points for Zoe standing up to Chloe.

-At least Audrey is still in character.

-Andre really be like (I prefer the daughter that was born from another man banging my wife than my own) points to the Simp mayor

-I take it back Anax as a nickname sounds kind of dope

-You ever just see a character on screen and hope a piano falls on him? Yes I’m talking about Gabriel that sterilized tampon

-now Nathalie here being the GOAT with only one line. Respect for Nathalie. Girl really gave up on her simp tendencies and decided to just be the mother Adrien needs

-Gabriel really be the worst. Looks like Lila gonna cook up something

-seems Zoe forgot about the photo is out. Which I bet will cause a misunderstanding with her hiding it.

-What exactly does Sabrina have morals in? Also side note, PUNCHING BAG?! Really?

-Yea, Chloe just be mustache twirling evil

-Vanisher is back and with Dog powers

-Lila literally plotted an akumatization.

-if I had a dollar for everytime Someone couldn’t tell Marinette they were in love with her. I’d have 2 nickles. Which isn’t a lot but weird it happened twice

-Marinette is pretty clever figuring out all the details… EXCEPT THE FACT THAT ITS HER!?

-Marinette shows she supports Love is Love.

-Op she thought it was a he, to bad Marinette you failed the game. Rip.

-wait did Marinette just condone polyamory? I might have read that wrong

-Marinette consulting Alya on the matter

-oh so that’s how Marinette gets the assumption it’s Adrien. To be fair, I’d have come to that conclusion at some point to.

-oh I can feel the awkward situation coming in 3…2….1….

-Zoe, thinking (wow I reall fell for a simp)

-ah yes the cringe is finally here, now to spend the next Hour trying to watch the episode.

-OOOO A MONTAGE, so how many items can be retrieved via one whistle blow

- They really replaced Luka with Nino. Wait… DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS! Was the truth finally revealed?!

-I get the plan now, they are framing her for stealing stuff. So basically what Lila did in the episode Ladybug. That’s not surprising but also kind of mid. I was expecting more pizzaz. Side note, Zoe was with her the whole time? Also why would she steal from her parents?

-The Chloe accusing her part was clever, because the motive of Chloe walking in to yell at Marinette is very believable

- okay I take it back, this plan has Pizzaz. But the fact everyone sort of just believes it even her own parents? Like come on? And with an akuma litterally anything is possible.

-And Marinette caught on, sees vanisher thanks to the flowers.

-Chloé legit has a Gold phone?!

-Zoe is taking the blame! Zoe no!?

-Oh! Vanisher can just call back whatever she wants. Proof is in the pudding. Good thing Marinette is ladybug. Piñata time!!! Viva piñata

-yum ladynoir crumbs

- Rip Luka’s guitar

-Chloe now getting stared down

-So confession time!

-Well she never outright say it… but She pretty much says it and Marinette confirms it though turns her down. I’m surprised they did that much

-I was complaining earlier about subtlety but this was tastefully done.

-I FUCKING KNEW SHE WAS DOWN BAD SINCE DAY ONE!

-Good on Zoe for encouraging Marinette. Even though she got turned down. But at least it was canon

-Oh damn Marinette is gonna confess

-SHE DID IT FOLKS! She fucking did it! And Adrien is receptive! Will we get a kiss!?

-GABRIEL YOU COCKBLOCKING FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE! I WILL END YOU!

-My heart breaks for Marinette

_________________________________________

7/10

It was a fine episode, I think a lot of it felt padded out, and while I enjoyed the first few minutes and the LAST few minutes were epic. The rest of the episode felt… meh.

Yea Adrien is a sentimonster. There is no denying it. Like I’m sorry for the hood outs. This episodes ending confirmed it completely. Which may be the reason I’m not gonna rate it higher.

[centrally-unplanned]

Anyway, I have been way off the wagon on anime recently - I blame Buffy - so I am catching up! First one was The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, REALLY Love You. In this harem comedy our protagonist has accidentally been given 100 soulmates by god, who was distracted watching Laputa: Castle in the Sky while filling out his destiny sheet, and now he has to date all of them or they will die. So he just...does that, and tells them all, and one by one he adds girls to his polycule. Episodes generally alternate between "courtship" episodes where its one-on-one with the new girl, then group bonding episodes where they all hang out together. Its honestly somehow pretty good? The list:

Its very zany, meta, & irreverent. Obviously each girl is a "trope", but they have a lot of fun with them due to the premise. Because everyone instantly falls in love and gets together in one episode, the "will they won't they" tropes don't function, right? They will they'd already! So instead it pits those tropes against the intergroup polycule dynamic for silly shenanigans. Its cute!

My favourite line is when the tsundere chick start's tsun'ing over a homework assignment and one of the girls turns to her and goes "what are you even fighting against in life?" Wrecked.

It has a lot of fun "conceptual" animation bits to express ideas, breaking well outside the box to get those ideas across. If you want to communicate the awkwardness of breaking the ice with a new friend, might as well showcase it with two salarymen descending into a shonen brawl over trying to give the other their business card first, way better than shot/reverse-shot.

It does overstay its welcome on its "bits", hoping to pad length with added jokes that don't have enough to work with since nothing is happening. Like many shows, I could reduce its duration by 25% and lose little, it be that way.

Its "focus on one girl" episodes are inherently less creative, because they have essentially ditched the premise? It does a good job at the trad romantic elements, but I think it would be way more interesting to have the courtships be done by the entire group, and play off that more.

Fanservice is sometimes annoying but its almost always comedic with some payoff. You know the genre, you won't love it, but it won't bother you if you clicked on a show with this title.

For the love of the Oedipal god can the people who make modern anime learn how to draw breasts please? I swear on side profile shots it looks like gravity has been rotated 90 degrees horizontal and pulled their chests into launch position, who wants this?

A lot of the gender & sexuality in anime has been changing recently - I mark it personally to like 2015 or so. Things that were implicit are being made explicit - a lot more characters are canonically queer, increasingly you have characters who are explicitly trans, and relationships have more openly stated consummations & sexual components. All of this is good news, and as a part of that I have slowly noticed explicit polyamory creeping into shows. Harem dynamics always had this handwavy denial of their premises going on, "oh its all tension, the expectation is I will choose a girl from the menu at the end". This tee-hee plausible deniability is just extraneous in the modern era, so you see it falling off slowly. Unlike queer rep I don't think this is too much of a sign of like...growing discontent with obligate monogamy in subculture Japan? But still, its fun to see for what it is, and I do think it reflects a little bit growing openness about how alternative sexualities go beyond niche media consumption in life.

[twigsandhearts]

AIMS FOR FUTURE INCLUSION

The title makes it sound more business-y than intended but I thought I'd use this pride month as an opportunity to talk about future rep I'd like to have in the show. With an audio drama like Twigs & Hearts where you focus more on the universe than individual characters, it gives a lot of room to play. Though it's hard to see this from an audience perspective with only one season out, our story revolves around the book, wherever that might take us. Label wise I'd like to play around with more nonbinary and genderless labels in characters. In a separate ramble next Sunday, I'll get more into the pronoun side of the universe. Currently, I have plans for genderqueer and bigender characters but that is not currently set in stone. It's unlikely that we will bleed into many indigenous groups' gender identities due to the show being set in England, UK. My hope is that we can eventually find Voice Actors and space to feature Canon Intersex characters but based on previous research and data collection it's much more difficult than expected. As you can imagine, the pool grows even smaller when looking for specifically UK-based VAs.

Within the main series, currently, we lack many Achillean relationships. In general, our show has only shown 4 relationships - 3 Sapphic and 1 T4T QPR. I'd like to include a few more labelled relationships within the show including at least one more QPR in future seasons. By technicality, there are brief mentions of the Achillean Polyamory between Iris' 3 dads but that is nowhere near the level of exposure I'd like. Polyamorous relationships outside of a triad are something I'd also like to write more about. Perhaps a hinge relationship or even something outside of just 3 people. I can't guarantee exact labels for future seasons but I can promise to keep it queer. Happy pride month from me and all behind Twigs & Hearts season one. Stay safe.

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

Bittersweet anon here, i hope this doesn't annoy you or is too long or anything and you don't have to post it if you don't want to but i just wanted to share my favorite bits of the threat with you because some parts of it made me think about our conversation about this whole thing:

"It is clear to everyone that this relationship is open to interpretations ranging from poly, to open with a +1, to platonic soul mates, etc right? And that this is left ambiguous due to the nature of the self-insert medium?" (this was a poll question he posted, where 98% of people answered yes and only 2% said no)

"I got a bunch of hate during Chapter 3 because I didn't explicitly state exactly what the relationship was, despite openly stating that any interpretation be it romantic, platonic, etc. was valid and welcome! No one was ever told no, or that they were wrong."

"These seemed to be people who were relatively new to my work, and(...) weren't there for the panic that swept through when Seth appeared and people thought Alphonse was going to break up with (listener), or that the relationship would change in a radical way."

"But damn, there were a few really loud folks during Chapter 3 that stole a lot of the joy from me during that time. Imagine telling a queer creator that they're baiting because they didn't pat your head and tell you you're the one true correct interpretation. Yikes!"

"It got to the point where I was questioning myself, wondering if I had drastically misjudged my audience and understanding of expectations. But...no, I think it was just a few people whose expectations from other creators didn't translate to how I do things."

"Which is fine, I don't want to appeal to everyone, and I create for me first and foremost. My art is for my joy, my story, my heart. But if you want to be a jerk about it, I will probably tell you to go fuck yourself moving forward."

"For those of you who have been supportive, voiced additional support in the face of the most bad faith shitty takes the fandom has ever seen, or just vibed in your own lane and enjoy my boys in peace...bless you. You keep me going. <3"

"It means a lot to me that interpretations like this exist and are valid. There's so many stories about jealousy and bitterness and miscommunication that would blow up a relationship like that. Sometimes it's nice that people can grow together and just be family!"

"I cross posted this on YouTube and got such a lovely response from the community there as well. Thank you all for the validation, I was really miserable after Chapter 3 wrapped but this comforts the hell outta me."

it doesnt annoy me at all!! to tell the truth i was worried about the author when you told me about the hate they got for choosing to keep it open. it's extremely frustrating to me that soany people target queer creators or queer media in general for not being what they personally consider Perfect, as if not fitting one specific mold makes it irredeemable fsr??

like ive seen ppl accuse media with a roch cast of queer characters where a few happened to die as "bury your gays trope" like no!! thats not how it works!! gay characters can die the problem is when you kill off your only rep!!

an auhor can leave something open to interpretation, especially smth like this where like the listener is a character and you're trying to make a large group comfortable, that's not baiting. the characters are even canonically gay and open to polyamory, like, someone's personal interpretation of the relationship status doesnt change that??

im happy to hear the author is feeling better now nd that they got support too! thanks for sharing these w me since i couldnt look at the thread on my phone, i appreciate it!! i might not be in the fandom but i do like when people tell me aboit the stuff they like so im always happy to listen when you send messages about bittersweet! (same goes for any other ask ive gotten that just wanted to talk about their beloveds!!)

[ladygrey412]

Alright I'm going to add my extremely small list. Okay so that was a lie. 16 is not a small list. Some of these are romance, some of these just have really good polyam representation, and I added a 3rd section of honorable mentions down at the bottom which are books that I think do a really good job at not making monogamous relationships miserable to read. A lot of these are sci-fi or fantasy and I don't know if that is more a "me problem" or plus for sci-fi.

✨✨First up Monogamy is Dumb ✨✨

1)Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao Classic story of boy loves girl, girl loves different boy, first boy goes 👀. (Triangles are the strongest shape). Oh and don't forget the heavy sci-fi and giant Mecha. YA novel with enough intrigue for everyone. Rep: Disability

2) The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemison. Not a romance novel but. It's big on digging into queerness and identity including a polyam relationship. Heavy fantasy and apocalypse vibes with an older MC. Rep: Disability, Trans

3) Long Way to a Small Angry Planet (Wayfarer Series) by Becky Chambers. Also not a romance but it has a main sapphic romance and the alien partner is from a species that is exclusively polyam. It is all about the value of friendships and is quiet literally about how the real treasure is the friends we made along the way. Rep: Autism

3) Rendezvous with Rama by Arthur C. Clarke. (Suggested by the Fiancee). "He is Poly and gay*. You find it everywhere in his books if you know where to look." *Sorry he's not technically gay because according to him that would mean straight people would have to exist.

4) Hunger Pangs by Joy Demorra. Good ol' classic vampire falls in love with a werewolf and they can't help but fall for a mysterious woman. This gets to sit here because it has a non spicy version but... If you want the spice it comes with all the fun of Vampires and BDSM. Rep: Disability, BDSM

🔥🔥🔥 Now for the polyamorous spice. 🔥🔥🔥

6) Sex Wizards Series by Alethea Faust. WHAT. I felt like i should start with the heavy BDSM sex magic book if I'm talking spice. No but seriously some of the best representation of BDSM and healthy polyam in many different ways. And plot somehow. Rep: Non-Binary, Asexual, Disability, Heavy BDSM

7) Rescued my Married Monster Hunters by Ennis Rook Bashe. What if you are a poor monster trying to be human and a sweet couple can't stop doting on you. No one would blame a lil monster for falling for that. Rep: Trans, Disability

8) Pack Saint Clair Series by Thora Woods. Reverse Harem gets much more interesting when the people the MC is getting involved with are an established Polyam Pack (ABO style). Sometimes falling in love with one person means you end up falling for 4. Rep: Mild BDSM, Trauma Recovery

9) Drag Me Up by R.M. Virtues. What if Hades/Persephone was healthy and T4T. Super sweet and spicy romance about defying expectations. Rep: Trans, Mild BDSM

10) In the Court of the Nameless Queen by Natalie Ironsides. A bunch of short stories around a Giant Spider queen and the many people who love her. Literally this is a bunch of sapphic porn about a clan of warrior women. It slaps Rep: Trans, Heavy Kink and BDSM

11) The Strongest Shape by Tessa Cardenas. This is in my liked books. And i distinctly remember loving the way it dealt with a new person entering a more established pair. I can not remember anything else besides it was spicy and gay.

Honorable Mentions

These books explore relationships in super queer and non-traditional ways. But might not be considered "polyamory"

12) Psalm for the Wild Built (and the Monk and Robot series) by Becky Chambers. Toe to Tip that's a QPR. It's just a really wholesome book about a robot and a human meeting. Lots of passive polyamory here too (expecially in the second book). To say the least Becky Chambers is great. Rep: Non-Binary, Robots (it/its), Anxiety

13) The City we Became by N.K. Jemison While I am expounding great authors I have to include Jemison's other book which is really all about queer friendship and the importance of have friends. On the backdrop of people becoming the city and fighting Eldritch Monsters Rep: Trans, Asexual Characters

14) The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells. Super casual background polyamory by murderbot's humans but it's not into any of that stuff. It is here to cause problems and make friends though. Rep: Robot (it/its), Trauma Recovery, Asexual, Autism

15) The Tarot Sequence by K.D. Edwards. I'm putting this here because it's currently just MLM but there are these big hints being dropped for a Triad. Lots of fun around being shoved into a position of power before you are ready and only having your friends at your back. Rep: Disability, Trauma Recovery

16) Black Leopard Red Wolf by Marlon James. This book is literally indescribable but it tackles gender, relationships and African History in such a nice package I can't help but add it. Rep: Genderqueer/Non-Binary

17) Amberlough by Lara Elena Donnelly. No technical polyamory but it does such a beautiful job mixing the complex nature of being in love with the literal collapse of free government. It also has older MCs and a whole ton of Drama.

Do you have any book recommendations with poly relationships? Preferably fiction. I’ve been avoiding reading romance recently because everything is based on monogamous relationships and it gets tiring after a while.

I recommend checking the notes on this post where someone else asked. There are a lot of things recommended by others that I haven't gotten around to reading. 📖 I totally feel you with the mono romances being a drag sometimes. Its real bad when jealousy is a major point :/

[itlivesproject]

I’m sorry but.. I’m disappointed. There are tons of variables for “hoeing around” but none for actual poly? I was so excited for this project ever since it was announced but now feel like I won’t be able to even properly enjoy it. And honestly … it feels like it perpetuates the idea that all poly people are whores or cheaters… even if that wasn’t the intent. It just really hurts :/

hi there,

as someone who is poly themselves, i also wanted to see a poly route in ilw, but after recently joining the team as a programmer (and pseudo writer), and looking at how everything has been set up as well as reading through the full story and coding said jealousy variants, it would infact not do poly rep justice.

from reading the faq, you may say “oh it can still work out as poly, you just have to try hard enough” as that’s what i said too. but with the context of the full story, knowing the love interests, and the history they have with eachother (and rowan(mc)) as well as taking into account their own sexualities, it would be almost insulting to push them into a polyamorous relationship

im not going to reiterate what was already previously answered. but, we are not pb, we see the love interests as their own individuals with their own minds, ideas and values. not just people who are there to make rowan (mc) happy. so yes, as default if you’re flirting w multiple people in a friend group, said people you’re flirting with are bound to feel some type of way. regardless of whether mc themselves is poly.

poly rep should be real rep, where it’s intentional and well written. where even with characters as complex as the ones in ilw, it wouldn’t be out of character, random or odd. i’ve thought of many ways to some how incorporate a poly route in this work but trust me when i say it would do more harm than good.

imagine all the times pb randomly asked if we wanted to hook up with Li 2/3/4 after we fully committed to Li 1(d&d/ trr)? or like the time in the elementalists where they ask you abt your sexuality and then go and say “well here you can also hook up w ppl you said you weren’t attracted to!” a few chapters later, like yeah it can be fun for shits and giggles but at the standpoint of seriousness it’s a slap in the face and just weird (at least to me).

and i know this is fiction, but in real life do you honestly expect everyone you’re attracted to be poly? and if they aren’t poly, to be okay with sharing you? without any jealousy or conflict? to share you with people they have beef with? people they don’t know or trust?

im sorry that you feel hurt, pb has shit poly rep to begin with and this work doesn’t have any, i can def understand your frustration and pain.

but, i do hope that this cleared a few things up! much love, sugar

for further reading:

regarding the technical complexities of including these routes check here

regarding polyamory specific to our lis check here

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[gatheringkeepsakes]

Okay, so, I love your art and I notice you’re a huge fan of polyamory. And I do not mean to sound insensitive in ANY way, but I have some questions of clarification.

Like, how is polyamory different than polygamy? Polygamy was frowned on (and still is) for all of history, so how is polyamory growing in popularity?

Again, I love you and your art and legitimately just want clarification. 💖

Hello anono! Thanks for the question. I didn't find it insensitive at all!

Both polyamory and polygamy are non-monogamous relationship models. Where they differ most is in two places. The first is that polyamory always falls under the Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) umbrella where traditional polygamy does not. The second, is that polygamy focuses heavily on marriage, where polyamory does not. (Under a read more cause you bet this got long)

Polyamory, by definition, is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships, with the consent of all people involved. It’s a common misconception that it’s just about having multiple sexual partners, and while there are many different ways to practice polyam - including such a model - there’s typically an emphasis on finding emotional support and connection with any prospective partners. What makes them ethical is that they are always rooted in ensuring the relationship is flexible and tries to account for everyone’s individual needs.

“Being ethical means that you’re willing to look at your actions and their effects on other people. If you’re presented with evidence that you’re causing harm, or that what you’re doing won’t achieve what you and your partner(s) want, you will look for ways to change this. In making decisions, you will consider the well-being of everyone involved, not just some.” - More Than Two by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux (they also have a website that is great for other ENM resources)

Polygamy, on the other hand, is the practice of one central person having multiple spouses. The most common form is polygyny which consists of one husband having multiple wives, but there is also polyandry, the practice of one wife having multiple husbands.

There is an emphasis on marriage in polygamy that isn’t present in polyamory. Many folks in polyam relationships have a husband, wife, or spouse, but the focus is on cultivating relationships with multiple people, without the intent to marry them. Polygamy focuses on marriage, typically with the intent of growing a family’s influence, power, chance at survival, etc. While there are polygamous relationship types that could be considered ethical (see Polyfidelity), traditionally, there is almost always a power imbalance between the central person and their spouses.

“The structure of traditional polygamy, in which only one central spouse may marry multiple partners, necessarily yields two inequalities. The central spouse has greater rights and expectations within each marriage and greater control over the wider family.” x

Also, more often than not, spouses in a polygamous relationship are expected to practice fidelity and don’t have the option of having other romantic and/or sexual relationships with anyone other than their central partner.

As for why polyamory is gaining popularity, this article will do a better job of explaining it than I ever could. I will include cliff notes for anyone that doesn’t have the time to read it.

Many millennials grew up in broken homes and were exposed to loveless marriages and/or divorce and don't want to replicate their parents experiences

Many millennials are leaving organized religion

There’s an increase in dating apps/hookup culture

There’s an increase in polyam (and I'd also argue, found family) rep in media

Monogamy isn’t a natural thing. We have evidence to prove that for 90% of the time humans have been on earth (300,000 years or so), that we were not monogamous. You also don’t see that exclusivity in the animal kingdom often at all. The only reason humans invented monogamy as a rule was for property rights, among other things. Heck, marriage wasn’t even about finding love until a couple hundred years ago! It was designed as a way to unify separate families for political gains. For a crash course on the history of monogamy, I recommend watching the Netflix show Explained (Season 1, Episode 18 "Monogamy", specifically).

As for why I’m a big fan of polyamory (which you didn't ask but imma talk about it anywayyyy): I love love and polyamory comes from the belief and understanding that love is infinite.

In life you can love as many things as you want. You can have multiple favourite songs, favourite musicians, books, movies, foods, places, etc., and you will never be looked down on for it.

You can have as many siblings or cousins as your family has and love all of them as you love siblings and cousins, even if your relationship with each of them is different.

You can have as many friends as you can find people to be friends with. Two different friendships will never look exactly the same, and the love you feel for each of them might differ from person to person, but there’s no one saying you can’t go for a drink with one friend on Thursday, then go to the movies with a different friend on Friday…

So why is it that the moment you label a relationship as ‘romantic and/or sexual’, does it suddenly become the only form of love that has to be exclusive? We’re only here, alive, on this dumpster fire of the planet for so long… Why hold onto a rule that’s designed to deny us more love? I’m here for a good time not a long time and I spent a good portion of my life very much alone and without support or connection in the ways I needed it most. If I’m lucky enough to find two or more people that I find that good of a connection with, people that can provide the support that I am looking for (and me in turn, offer what support they need most), why let that opportunity slip away? Some food for thought.