#just not sure how i should go about it.. halp

[qcellbit]

ordem paranormal fans i may need your assistance in regards to creating a finished/detailed qcellbit design

[thatdeadaquarius]

-vine boom

I probably sent a lot of these now im so sorry lmfao 😅

You mentioned in one of the asks that some countries are like a prototype/based of our existing countries, like Germany=Mondstadt, Liyue=China, Inzauma=Japan....

So even though the language is more or less identical for you to make heads and tails in a conversation or writing in a book, the reverse side does not.

Creator!Reader who knows a couple of languages (plus points if they're atleast fluent or have a understanding of it despite not being able to speak said language) and being born from a country that doesnt have the same language as the countries Teyvat based off. Basically Spanish, Italian, Filipino, Scandinavian languages that also have their own way of writing.

Imagine feeling homesick and the only thing that keeps you occupied is the notebook and pen you have while the others converse in a meeting or in a hangout. You started writing in your tongue and re-reading it to relive memories.

Zhongli, AlHaitham, Albedo, Jean, maybe the Berry bros too (Diluc & Kaeya) get curious only to have a double-take and immediately thinks that maybe there is a forgotten land in Teyvat that has this language, I mean Morax stayed faithful to Liyue and Barbatos blessed his country with abundance of supplies and freedom. Teyvat gods and archons played favourites, so why wouldn't you as well? (Bonus: Khaenriah flashbacks) (also I know these arent enough characters but how should I know? I only have a handful of them and I ran out of Primos😭

The people from Akademiya though? I mean they went hard on theorizing and picking apart the language of their creator. Have you seen Matpat's descent to insanity the more FNAF continues to push out LoRe? Thats basically them because Teyvat doesn't have a country based on Creator's birth country. They're grasping nothing but air and dead ends and the only lead they have is you, but couldnt ask because you look so down and they cant bear to see Creator sad....

(NEW BANNER TOMORROW AND I DONT HAVE ENOGH PRIMOGEMS HALP---)

Rip Vine boom no primos 🙏 hope u got some more by this time bc i was so late to reply lol - DUDE IM SO READY FOR THE GORG KAVEH <333

BERRY BROS!! Thats it, thats the only way im gonna refer to them now.

Not super long to add onto ur bc UR SO SMART AND SUCH A GOOD WRITER VINEBOOM U SHOULD ALSO WRITE STUFF SO I CAN GO OBSESS OVER UR WRITING WITH A MILLION FERAL COMMENTS-!!!

(Cute owl house gif is like, metaphorially u and zhongli in this lol)

EDIT 8/23/23: So this may be inaccurate/not that good to my Hispanic Readers out there! Sorry about that, I'l make sure to do better in the future.

EDIT 1/1/24: Unfortunately there are even more issues here, and I'm really sorry about that. I expanded on it more in my Eldritch fanfic post in Part 2, but it was exoticism of me to use the word "Huangdi". I have since replaced it with "Emperor", and don't intend to just erase the mistake like it never happened. But I did change it in the headcanons for better readability. Again, I'm genuninely sorry about this, and will absolutely be watching out/doing better in the future. I hope you understand.

THIS SOUNDS SO SAD, LIKE THIS COULD DEF BE ANGST, ESP SINCE U HAVE NO FAMILIAR-ISH CULTURE TO TURN TO-

tbh im american and i def dont think theres a u.s. country- oh god at least I hope not, damn but im also familiar with mexican culture so i wouldnt miss the united states, but id miss mexican culture…

BUT!!

You have a lot of amazing people who care about you in Teyvat, so they won’t let you stew in ur homesickness for long

like random said, i could see it being small stuff

ok so imma just-

LATINO! READER TIME BABBYYYYY

(i do this bc its just the culture/language im more familiar with, but dont let that discourage anyone from requesting other cultures! I will def do my research, or ur welcome to tell me all about it so i can write it better! <3)

THAT BEING SAID IM MOSTLY WHITE PLS LMK IF SHIT IS WRONG/SPANISH IS WRONG BC IM STILL A BEGINNER MY BELOVED LATINES!

<3 YOU GUYS

♡

you’ve been in the game-turned-life world of Genshin Impact for nearly 6 months now, turns out time isnt wonky as hell like it is if you were playing the game, half bc u bribed Albedo with answers to his many questions about you if he figured out the time difference, and half bc of ur internal clock

people would notice the cuss words first lmao

like Xiao hearing u stubbing ur toe on the million and one steps up to Wangshu Inn, hijueputa!

or Keqing pointing out the words you coo at the dogs hanging out by the bridge outside the harbor,

un perrito tan buenoooo!! :’)

while most would just, " hmm, maybe a dialect of one of the other countries we havent heard…"

but Zhongli? he’s been ready for centuries in case the prophecy came true within his lifetime, afterall, many things changed while he’s been alive, not crazy to him that you might descend randomly

While everyone else was unprepared, bc u were like… the oldest deity, more legend than history, so ppl just thought Morax was a little overly faithful …so when it actually happened,, Morax was just smirking as he watched ur golden shooting star streak the night sky… while absolute pandemonium consumed the mortals and adepti in liyue lmao

(like that scene of Regina George in Mean Girls watching the student body break out into an all out brawl just smirking 😭 pls god look it up if u dont know what i mean- )

So Morax- Zhongli, has been ready for you, just in case, to pay attention to what kind of person you’d be, learn your favorite clothes/colors/offerings, see what things you’d like to talk about with him (hopefully for hours) etc.

He was observant, and with his memory, he practically gave himself headaches sometimes with how aware he was,

on one of those days he was overwhelmed by the mortal crowds, the smells, the market yelling, and all the change from what he thought he knew-

Zhongli noticed you in your own melancholy, and curious, he began to stroll just behind

You sit at Wanmin restaurant, still somber, and ask Xiangling to

“please try out these recipes? they’re from my world, and id really love to have something like them again..”

a true experimental chef as always, Xiangling quickly takes up your offer, and u follow her into the kitchens in the back (the restaurant is much more real than in game, they have gorgeous inside seating, all shades of red coloring the walls and lots of pretty latticework-)

Zhongli takes a seat finally, he has a usual table at this point he comes in so much coughtorunintoyoucough the staff know it's his and give him tea pretty quickly

the food, and the looks, makes it your favorite restaurant in Liyue, the Liuli Pavilion a little too fancy for casual dining, afterall, Zhongli would know

He’s tried to keep track of your favorite places to be in Liyue too, and kept his near full attention on what you say when he asks after your stays in Liyue (he hasn’t felt the need to pay that much attention or felt that much interest in conversation partners in… decades?)

So when you come out of the kitchen, throwing your head back and laughing, "Sí, sí! It all tastes so close Xiangling! Gracias, thank you!"

He wants… to know.

to know what those strange, but delicious looking, foods are all balanced on two big dinner plates

Xiangling carrying whatever you couldn’t just behind, a pitcher of white liquid, it smells, like cinnamon?

He raises a hand, and offers the extra seats at his table, (when did his tea go cold? he only just sat down, he couldn’t have spent that long thinking about you…)

You notice and look over, a giddy grin lighting up your face (…hmm, perhaps he needs to transform into his Exuvia form and let off some steam, his chest has warmed too much right now for him to just be sitting here…)

You plop into the seat beside him, but not before carefully placing the plates in front of both you and Zhongli

You scootch around until you’re turned towards him, as always, Zhongli looks… actually kind of, happy?

a small soft smile pulls at his lips, his eyes half-lidded as they meet yours, his usual red eyeliner framing his monolids perfectly, he looks like he’s been,, well, sculpted from stone, an artwork come to life

“…My Emperor? Could I trouble you to tell me about the dishes before us?”

the geo god’s pleasantly smooth and deep voice felt so soft asking you that, like he didn’t want to push you one direction or the other

“Oh! Right! Sorry, these are from my home country, back in my world, or at least, as close as Xiangling and I can get to them!”

Your smile brightens your face once more, clearing away any leftover stormclouds from your mood earlier, and as you launch into explaining (Xiangling had to get back to orders, so it’s just you two now)

You list it all, the quintessential: quesadillas, empanadas, tamales, chorizo (you had to combine at least 5 different spices to Mondstadt sausages to get anywhere close to the real thing) the dips obviously, salsa, queso, guacamole, and the easy street tacos, and finally the horchata, but also all the weird fruits Teyvat has with chile, like Sunsettias mixed with Harra from Sumeru or Lavender melons with Wolfhook berries… all surpringly pretty good

(the Sun-Harra combo tastes like mango, a sort of deeper taste of pineapple/kiwi and a sort of light orange taste? all with the nice addition of chile flavors, the Lavender melons and Wolfhooks helped imitate chamoy enough that your heart was satisfied)

…you realize you’ve just been talking about the last meal you had with your family/friends instead of the food after a bit, and Zhongli hasn’t said anything…

you trail off and look back over your shoulder (u were practically about to get your shirt in the imitation guac u were leaning so far over the table to point and talk)

you’re about to sheepishly apologize for taking over the conversation, and ask if he wants to try anything (Zhongli can handle spice so u dont have to worry abt that at least)

but as u finally see his face, u just stop, and dont end up saying anything

He’s just, looking at you.

his smile's not huge, but big enough to make his eyes look happy, and Zhongli’s just… looking at you.

You can’t describe the look he’s giving you, but you suddenly feel… a wave of shyness wash over your heart in your chest, because he’s looking almost like, maybe like, he’s sort of, waiting for you to keep talking, his tan skin warm in the golden rays of the sun beginning to set, you don’t know why you’re noticing any of these things, and he gently, slowly, makes a move to lean into your space a little

almost above your armrest, head inches from your shoulder, he finally moves to stop looking at you-

He looks like a painting as he looks down, his eyelashes almost sitting on his high cheekbones,

you have to move your head to looking at the table too as he moved so close,

you feel your shoulders reflexitively hitch upwards as you brushed the hair on the side of his head as you turned away

He looks around, and then moves his head, not his body, he’s still leaning toward you, to look you right in the eyes again

“Why did you stop? I haven’t said much, I apologize, but it’s only because I wanted to hear you without anything interrupting you.”

You cough a little strained, “Oh! Oh I get it now yeah, thanks-”

“I want to hear you more,” his black eyes begin to warm with gold, you can vaguely see the shape of his diamond pupil revealing itself, “I want to hear about… everything, if you’ll tell me? The language, the food, the drinks, your family, your dances, your country, I want to hear it all. Won’t you please let me hear your voice some more?”

♡

GOOOD LOOORDDDD, ITS SO LONGGGGG IM SO SORRRYYY 😭😭

OKAY IM MOSTLY SORRY THAT THIS SCENARIO HAPPENED??? IDK WHERE ZHONGLI CAME FROM- GOD IM SUBCONCIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH THAT MAN I GUESS, SORRY RANDOMANTICS-

uh, hope somebody got anything out of this, sorry abt the length, again,

also pls somebody tell me if what i said about culture/food was alright! If not I’ll def change it, pls dont let me keep it up if its inaccurate/wrong!!

Safe Travels you guys,

💀♒️

.°•.☆.•°.

♡ the beloveds ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk

[the-creativity-trinity]

[the monsters lurking in the shadows]

[aka my original wip] [tagging y'all cause I need opinions @braydons-world @demigod-jack-hearth <- is it okay if I tag you? ] [halp I like this]

"Always look out for the eyes in the dark, little raven"

That's what my father always used to say to me when he was driving. Well, back then he was referring to deer that might jump on the road, but right now that sentence has a completely different meaning. He couldn't have known about what would cause the end.

"The end", I know how it should play out in mythology: the norse had ragnarok, the epic battle to death, and the ancient Egyptians believed in apophis devouring the sun and the forces of ma'at to be defeated-

" Zoe Maria bronwin! Are you seriously doing a video recording?! We have to go! "

Zoes eyes snapped up to meet the steely pair of eyes she knew from her friend and fellow end of the world survivor- carter

" ah!- sorry! I just wanted to.....you know what, nevermind...."

Carter just ruffled zoes hair in response

" c'mon, it's almost dawn, it's safe to head into the open, plus, Rosie's awake as well "

Zoe blinked. It was almost dawn? She glanced at the baby carter was carrying

" oh, okay.... I already packed all of our stuff, so I guess we can head out. I can also carry Rosie, if you'd like"

he sighed and opened the door to exit the bunker

" no, its fine zoe....Rosie reminds me of matilda and- uhm....nevermind...."

Zoe eyed with him with a bit of suspicion and interest, before plugging her headphones in and listening to what she called " the start of the end tape"

》 the wraith, also known as the all seeing eye, by some of the cults that worship it, is a lanky shadowy monster with six , glowing eyes : two on its face, two on its hands and two on his back, its weakness is sunlight -not UV light specifically, and at night it feasts on raw, living flesh, though no mortal has ever seen it feed. Though no one is sure where these beasts came from, i have a few theories and- ARGH! 《

Zoe winced, quickly shutting the tape off. She had listened to this tape many times before in the past to gain knowledge over the beasts, but she hated that part. It was a sound of warbled speech before a garbled scream.

If carter knew she was listening to this tape right now, he would not approve. And she honestly couldn't blame him. She found teh tape on the mangled body of a man, next to a , seemingly unharmed, baby girl-

Rosie

Well, she wasn't nessicarily unharmed. There was a burn mark of the eye of providence on her back, the cult symbol of the " all seers"

The people who worshipped wraiths

[iciatheguardess]

Hiiii it’s meeee elsie

conflicted Elsie

Look, you know as well as I do that I love TAOCC to freaking death

but like

I may have to partially step away from it after the current arcs are over.

these goofy goobers took over my life for the last three-ish months, and while I’ve had an amazing time, it’s…caused me to neglect other parts of my life, and restrict myself more than I should when it comes to how I am on this site. I’ve stated my intention to try and branch out multiple times but I never go through with it because I just…I have things to write here! I can’t! And yeah it’s fun but sometimes I get hurt even if people don’t mean to, like, I’ve gotten legitimately ill from this once or twice.

But I feel like even trying to step away a bit is somehow abandoning all of you or betraying your trusts. I want to stay friends with you guys, but my actual life and Irlsie has to come first most of the time, because I am not JUST Elsie, if that makes any sense. Elsewhere is and was always meant to be a sona for some interaction, maybe some friendos, but nothing this…involved, because I can’t put all of my social effort onto the internet because no matter what I do, the internet is not a completely genuine place, and I’ve accepted that. There are some parts of my personality I just don’t use. You don’t really ever see calm Elsie or mental illness Elsie or sappy Elsie, maybe once or twice, and that’s intentional. This is Writing Elsie’s blog, lol, but there’s other Elsie that needs to be allowed to exist outside of the internet, and I can’t neglect her or my actual life for the sake of this.

I honestly don’t know what to do here. I love these characters on a very personal level, and have poured my heart into them, and I don’t want to straight up leave them. Even only partially separating myself seems kinda pointless because I know what happens when someone gets really behind on the lore and has to be caught up on even just a day’s events to explain why Character A looks like this now or Character B is referencing this event, etc. etc.

But there’s a point where it’s not healthy anymore. Where things reach a place where I have to admit that this can’t be my entire life anymore. And I’m not entirely sure what on earth I should do about it…

If I do somewhat step back, it’ll probably be right after the vacation arc ends. i’m gonna pour my fluff loving heart and soul into that thing, don’t you worry. But you shouldn’t expect another dungeon or something like that from me unless I have a VERY good reason and a well formulated plan. Yes, I’ll probably still engage in shippery and fluff, as well as analysis, but mostly within the bounds of characters and dynamics we’ve already established, and not much farther than that. My one exception to the “after the vacation arc” rule would probably be Yelena’s arc, because of how long things in that section tend to take, for various reasons. Yelena’s arc is barely started, and stuff takes possibly days to move even a few hours in-universe. Sooooo….yeah, I wanna finish that, I’ve put too much work into it already to just stop it.

…dang this was only supposed to be a paragraph…

…pls halp, I have no idea what to do lol.

Ok. I've read over this a couple times.

First off, I'm talking to you as L here, and not Star. I am very, very proud of you for acknowledging this and understanding that this is getting unhealthy. I think it's very smart that you dont want to neglect your yourself irl and the fact you're saying this, and saying exactly what you'll be doing, I'm really proud of it.

To give you a clear answer, if it's going to help you irl then I think stepping back is smart. Especially from the trauma and angst, because that stuff hurts a LOT and it can be really, really detrimental and negatively affect irl things. What I DONT think is that it's betraying anyone. You need to be able to put yourself and your needs first in order to be your best self, and everyone understands that you can't be on tumblr 24/7 because, well, that's really really really really unhealthy and not good. I'm really glad you're telling me about this though so I, and everyone else who sees this, knows.

TAOCC is really great but there's a LOT of heavy things on here and with everything going on, it can be super weighing and really affect people irl. I can speak from experience because honestly, I'm in a similar situation. I won't speak much about that though. It's definitely addictive and can get really really unhealthy if you let it, and honestly it's not hard to let it.

I want you to do whatever you feel is best for you, no matter what that entails. Fei and Tails and Xeya and Kumo and so many others and I love you so much and do NOT want you neglecting yourself and your life irl for this- it's meant to be entertainment, not a lifestyle.

I think it's smart to finish Yelena's Arc before partially stepping back. And I think it's even smarter to not want to do another dungeon, because that whole thing was a massive angst-fest and I think it negatively affected people more than they care to admit. Shippery and fluff and minor things is a good boundary.

I'll wrap this up now, but again, I'm in full support of this decision because I want you to be at your best. You're right, you're not just Elsie. And it's not fair for you to only be Elsie when you're so much more than that. If stepping away from tumblr will help you take care of the other parts of your life that we aren't involved in or aware of, then please do so because no part of you and your life should be sacrificed for the sake of entertainment.

Again, I'm really, really proud of you for admitting this.

Please know we'll always support you and you're super important to all of us, so don't ever feel bad for putting your needs first. Irl things should always come first.

But no matter what always remember:

WE LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOURE SUPER IMPORTANT AND WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOUUU ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Everything I said is applicable for everyone else reading this too. Taocc is fantastic and we love it but it shouldn't completely take over your life. It's okay to take a break or step back fully if it means the best for your health and irl life. Please remember to take care of yourselves- and everything that Elsie talked about here is FANTASTIC self care. It may be hard, but it's also the best decision she can make for herself and may be the best decision for others too.

Alright- I think I covered everything. Don't ever feel like you're betraying us Elsie- it's not betrayal, it's self care. We'll still be here for you, always. Never forget that ❤️❤️❤️

[multishipperofgaydeadwizards]

Hello ladies and gentlethems, guess who is back?

You know who should be a ship? Lily and Marlene. Like omgg they'll be THE couple. Ok not the IT couple cause in my mind that will always be marylily. But like the couple that no one saw coming but it makes so much sense and they're ruling the world now.

1) It starts off with Lily going to watch her practice (but nope she will never admit it she is just there to read mhmm)

2) OHH for the sake of dumb oblivious sapphics, (a lil love note to @her-midas-touch ) Lily thinks she is only going to the practice to watch James cause duhh all his flirting is finally starting to sink in or something but omg why is Marls flirting with me. Oh wait- she flirts with everyone. BUT WHY AM I GETTING AFFECTED BY THISS REMUS HEEELLPPPP

3) I think once her initial crisis is dealt with, Lily will start flirting back (which will in turn send Marlene into a crisis of her own cause omfg how to respond when someone that isn't Sirius flirts back sjndsjdkfnjd). I'm so dam sure that Lily will rope Mary and Remus into helping her get Marlene to admit she likes her too

4) Their dates would be so cliché but like thats the best part. Think riding in the same broom and watching the sunset in the clouds, sitting in the library and Marls watching as Lily gets excited and over focused interchangeably over books, ohh they would so go to Madame Puddifoots just to like beat the heternormalcy of it all.

5) Lily would absolutely lose it when Marlene wears a suit. But then, Lily wears one and Marls is dead. She is deceased. Slay in Peace gurl

6) Late night swims and wild flower bouquets and books with dog earred pages that open to silly doodles and kisses to joined hands and secretive smiles across the table and Lily wearing Marls's quidditch uniform and Marlene wearing Lily's hair tie in her wrist. That's them.

7) Their ship name would be something like... I actually have no idea what the hell my brain is empty halp

LILYLENE/FIRELILY!!!!!! they have my entire heart fr

1) absolutely. that girl would rather die than admit that she's there for marlene (or anyone for that matter. she has a reputation after all)

2) so real of her. dumb oblivious sapphics have my entire heart btw. she would be freaking out at first bc how could she let james get to her like that??? oh god, she's so much better than this (she is, but she doesn't know that yet). her running to remus is so real of her. moonflower supremacy

3) oh absolutely. marlene had the biggest gay panic ever over it

also, yes. lily gets everyone involved (with the exception of james who would tell marlene the second he gets drunk bc he would feel bad about keeping a secret from his "sister")

4) hejsbs9eh9b I NEED a fic of them just going on cute dates :(

5) lily thinks she's entered heaven or something (she has). marlene knows that she has

6) it so is. it absolutely is

7) I will stand by firelily 🤧

[sburbian-sage]

Hey, I've just read through a good chunk of your blog and think you might be able to help me puzzle this out. I'm a native Grace of Rain, and my first session was just completed like a week ago. My coplayers were the Waste of Mist, "Lord of Keys" (apparently actually a Smith of Law), Seer of Time, Ward of Space, and Witch of Rhyme. Weird thing about my first/previous session is, no cataclysm. Not from me or the Waste. Or so we thought. I think they actually went off right at the end.

I don't know how they do that either, it's scary.

Anyway. I would instantly dismiss the idea that your Cataclysms (or lack thereof) in the last Session are affecting this one. The only thing consistent between Sessions are players, or bugs associated with said players ("plz halp i keep getting double dreamselves why"). And even if the Cataclysms somehow affected the victory door, it would only affect your Session. Like, for example, rendering the game completely unbeatable, turning it into a pseudo-Void Session.

So I'll just take a blind guess. An Active Cataclysm by way of replication and copying, a Passive Cataclysm by way of madness and lack of focus? When people talk about "Grace Cataclysms", they're less like explosions, more like poison. A long shadow cast over the Session, a malaise permeating every event, leading back to you. I'm going to guess that Rain's influence caused persistent errors such as visual glitches, objects appearing where they shouldn't be, and delays in events (triggering too soon, triggering too late, outright failing to trigger unless "activated" three times)? It's likely that the Mist Cataclysm had a stalled activation, and replicated itself, accumulating. Imagine if you will, a kettle filled with boiling water. Except the kettle keeps on forgetting the part where it lets out the steam and whistles. And after roughly an hour of boiling and building up steam, it remembers "wait, I should whistle before it's too late". And it lets it all out at once and explodes. Thankfully the house was already vacated when the kettle became bright red and a haze rendered the kitchen unlivable.

That's my spitball theory. Wastes makes shit worse. Graces make everything go wrong. Shit became worse, wrongly. Many such cases. For real, Grace + Waste combos lead to some fantastically awful situations. As for your new Session, I don't know man. "We've got overlap that isn't overlap"? I'm not sure what you mean by that, but rest assured, your prior Cataclysmic shenanigans have nothing to do with it. In the meantime, growth mindset! If your Title attribution presents an actual, tangible issue, you can ask about that. But largely you just have to accept that shit is weird sometimes.

[the---hermit]

Goodbye 2022

I was tagged by the lovely @oneanxiousstudybuddy, I think this is a lovely idea, and I am always up to sit down and reflect.

What are things you've grown to like this year?

This year was dense on every level for me so I hope that my tiny brain will manage to take in consideration all these past months. Surely I will miss something when refllecting, but in general I feel like there has been a lot of changes for me. And I have never been good with things changing on any level, in the past couple of years I learned to understand the importance of change, but I think this was the year I finally started really appreciating change, even seeking it on certain levels. I have still a long way to go, but that is huge for me. I think it's also fair to say I am liking myself more and more, my confidence is not at the level of my goals yet, but it's so much more present than just last year or the year before. A new thing I have grown to like in the past few months and that I'd never have imagined to is going out. In the past few months I have gone out of my comfort zone socializing in a way that felt impossible just at the beginning of the year. I have awful social anxiety, but I am slowly learning how to work agains that without feeling miserable, and I feel like a new person, and I cannot wait for it to get better and better.

What are things you've learned this year?

I have learned a lot of stuff this year, that I can do anything I set my mind to, that I can actually enjoy things, and that I can learn how to be comfortable being myself. But the biggest lesson of the year has been that I do not have control over everything, in fact I have control on very little both in the good and in the bad things of life. The only thing I have control over is myself, how I react to things, and that should be where my energies go, the rest is not mine, I do not need to worry about it because I cannot physically do anything about it. This has been, and it's still an hard lesson for me, but I am slowly learning how to deal with it, and in a way I am also learning that it is a good thing not to be in control and responsable of everything. Another lesson life has given me this year, but that still needs to sink in properly into me is that life is too short to worry, not to do what you want, and not to do everything in your power to be happy.

What works did you enjoy this year, be it films, books or other art?

Some of the books that have been living in my brain ever since I read them this year are: Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell, Her Body And Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado, there's others but these two just stand out so much. I have particularly enjoyed Our Flag Means Death, which has very quickly become a comfort tv show. And believe it or not this year I also watched Over The Garden Wall for the first time, no idea how I managed to not watch it before. As in for music I think the artist I have listened to the most is probably Rain Paris, who does amazing rock covers, I am absolutely in love with her, everything she puts out is pure gold. i am surely orgetting to mention something, but these are the first things that came to mind.

Is there something you're still looking forward to this year?

You bet I do. I am finally on my "months of rest and relaxation", meaning I am taking a few months off university before staring my master's classes next year on the second semester. I totally could have (and should have) started right after graduating, but I refused to. I do not care at all about starting late, and I feel like I deserve a while to rest before getting back into studying. I want to, and I think it will halp me being energized and happy about studying again. I have not any goals for this few months it will just be trying to do anything that feels right without forcing in onto myself.

What would you like to see happening next year?

I have no idea. I hope I'll continue on this path of growth, I hope I'll get new oportunities, and I hope I'll get to do things I enjoy and I am happy about. I want to be at peace when I wak up in the morning, and I want to be enthusiastic about what I do. Am I trying to manifest? Probably, so don't mind me.

Thank you so so much for tagging me in this @oneanxiousstudybuddy, it was really therapeutic! I tag (no pressure) @peregrination-studies, @contre-quie, @bulletnotestudies, @lau-and-history, @aesukhia and whoever feels like doing this!

[away-ward]

Did you notice the conversation that the horsemen had in that Lolita class in high school perfectky describe their characterisation.

Michael thought the teacher, Lumbert loved Lolita, when in fact, Lumbert groomed Lolita. Now what have Michael been doing to Rika since she was born? Grooming her as a show of his "love"! Especially after that snippet in Corrupt's epilogue. (Michael grew up always being denied what he wants, and he felt restricted with his options, so he always made sure to go against everything he thought was "rules" to him.)

Kai thought its was abuse and it wasnt on the fault on the girl to be responsible of the situation. And how did he responded to Banks' love with Damon? Yep, he called them out because their co-dependency was borderline abusive and weird as fuck. (Kai grew up to a good home but his father was strict with him, from his choice of friends, manners, education, etc. and Katsu didnt like Gabriel and Damon. AT ALL lmao.)

Damon said "abuse felt like love" because of his relationship with Natalya and Gabriel. Gabriel grape Natalya and Natalya grape Damon. It's a cycle. So Damon's response was like how he felt being Lolita instead of looking at the situation in a birds eye view. The difference between Lolita and Damon though, Damon kept on excusing his problematic behaviour and inflict those similar pain towards innocents, especially the ones he loved most like Banks, Will and Winter.

Will said something like "why did Lolita still went back to hop on Lumbert's dick and not speak up then" and this solidifies Will's characterisation of making things about himself (because he always felt like nobody would choose him) instead of putting himself in Lolita's shoes. And look at the way he responded to Emmy's abuse, it was always "why did she never told me about anything", "you couldve told me and my parents wouldve yada yada yada", instead of just being there for her after he found out something weird about her situation. He was insensitive about the whole situation, not because he was naive or thought the world was good, but because his character was selfish and unkind first before he was anything else. At that age of 17, only a person who's so unkind and selfish would ever say something like that. Mind you, i never went through what lolita, emmy and damon went through, but i cannot ever imagine go so far as being insesitive like that to people, even at the age of 14. It was too much. Will's response, even at worst, shouldve been like Kai. There was no excuse for him here.

I think the Lolita class conversation was very interesting, but it was never really brought up much. It perfectly shows us how, even if the horsemen would help emmy then if she asked, they most likely wont halp her the way she needed to be help, patiently, kindly, and sincerely. They just werent ready for this conversation yet, if not, Damon wouldnt have kept his problem to himself and thought nobody woukd help him with everything, no? Thats why this story was never as easy as just "opening uo to people". The people that they open up to, should be on the same wavelength as them, because then, they would be like Corrupt Michael who just shouted at Rika when they found out about Miles Anderson. Even if Damon who had spent his youth wth the horsemen cant ever fully open up to his friends about his home situation, why would Emmy, a stranger to them was able to open up to the horsemen too.

And as much as Emmy knew about Banks, and even though we never git much Emory Banks in the past or presence, i was glad that this story didnt took the ridiculous route of an 18 year old girl suddenly manage to defy patriarchy and high profile men and criminals to save a girl her age in a well restricted mansion. Like think about the security, their financial situation, Banks education... the logistics of having another live in your life after saving them... crazy. I like that PD didnt do some Wonder Woman shit with their storyline, because i dont think its possible.

What do you think about these?

I did notice that! But I haven’t been able to put it into words like this. Thank you!!!

I wouldn’t say Will was selfish and unkind in his response though. Not to disregard your opinion, but the way I see it, he wasn’t intending to be insensitive. He was just privileged enough to be ignorant of what abuse can look like and how it can make a person feel. He needed to have his eyes opened to reality. But Will’s always had autonomy, so it makes sense to me that he wouldn’t necessarily understand how someone who appears to have free will would choose to stay in a bad situation. The key word being “appears.”

If he understood the reality of how abuse can make a person feel, how autonomy can be stripped away from a person even though it doesn’t appear that way, and he still called them weak and blamed them for their situation, that would be a different situation for me. I’d be more inclined to agree with you. And this isn’t to say that I think Will handled everything in the correct or right way, but people grow and mature at different rates and a big part of Will’s story is how he resisted growing up and accepting reality for so long. Understanding and sympathizing with an abuse victim takes maturity, which he really didn't have at the time.

Whether his ignorance was intentionally turning a blind eye to the obvious, or a byproduct of his privilege is up to the individual, I guess. I choose to think it was a byproduct.

I haven’t thought about why they were discussing Lolita, other than it was a quick way to bring up abuse and for Damon to get in that quotable line. But what I took from it was that none of these kids, save for Damon, were really thinking something like that could be happening to in their midst.

I still think Damon would have kept everything to himself. I don’t know if it’s pride, or shame, or him just being messed up, but I have no doubt that even if he were sure that his friends could and would help him and not judge him, he would have kept that to himself as long as he could.

The horsemen get mad when they see what they perceive to be injustice. They don’t think about why they think that way, just that they feel angry because they saw or heard something they didn’t like. And that’s part of the problem throughout the series: they reaction to things, and not always with thoughtfulness. And we can disagree with how they react – their actions – but not always why they’re upset.

Of course, they’re mad about Anderson. They think he’s scum to begin with, and now they know he’s attacking women. They don’t like men attacking women, so now they’re mad. It’s as simple as that for them. As a reader, removed from the narrative, we know it’s stupid that they yelled at Rika. But their reason for being mad is valid.

And it goes on like that. They learn of a situation, they react, and then they think. So, I don’t think Damon was worried about their reaction – even if they didn’t understand, they would have been of his side. I truly think this was a pride thing. Or Damon being Damon. He likes his secrets.

With Emmy, obviously it makes sense to us that she wouldn’t open up to them. She has no reason to rely on them for anything. She’s been so alone for years, and they certainly aren’t her friends. But from their perspective, obviously they wouldn’t have let the abuse continue if they’d known about it. Does she think they’re heathens????

easy answer: “yes, you idiots, because you haven’t shown anything different,” but they don’t know that.

Oh yeah, when Damon told Emory about Banks my first reaction was “why? What is she gonna do? You already know that Emory is barely handling her own situation, why are you trying to add to it?” And didn’t Banks have people in the house and a mom she can turn to in truly desperate situations? Like, I know she never went to high school, but she’s been doing his homework and we know she isn’t dumb. But Damon is Damon and like the rest of them, his reactions aren’t usually the most logical.  

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I really enjoyed reading them.

[qtfnews]

Digital Marketing

How Startups & Small Businesses Can Propel Growth With Digital Marketing

A small business that TEMPhas been having trouble wif prospective customers coming onto teh page and immediately leaving may want to start off wif a simple web design. If their budget allows, they may also want to subscribe to their SEO package since they are re-designing teh site anyway. Teh social media marketing agency may charge £2000-£5000 a month, but teh SEO and web design may lead to a high ROI month down teh line as customers begin to organically visit and stay on teh site.

Teh Importance Of Digital Marketing In 2023

Our world will see even more innovation and disruption in the next five years. To keep up with the trend, we’ll have to reinvent ourselves. their are many different ways that digital marketing will change in the coming years, but one thing is for sure: It is going to continue to grow.

Digital marketing allows businesses to engage wif potential clients worldwide. For example, you can target consumers in different countries and get their attention through social media ads wif just a few clicks. People who wouldn’t has heard of you're product otherwise can now no about it, which halps create brand awareness. In addition, you can target specific audiences based on their likes and interests.

Here are some areas where I think small businesses and startups should be paying attention:

The IoT will significantly influence how digital marketing evolves over the next decade. Market dominance is beginning to shift to gadgets like the Amazon Echo and Google Home. These gadgets use artificial intelligence (AI) to learn about us and make our lives easier. If you own a small business, you must consider how you can use these new technologies to connect wif clients and create more personal relationships wif them.

Today, IoT such as smart home devices are used for everything—from customer service to creating content. As a result, IoT has become increasingly essential and valuable to businesses, particularly those dat rely on data to drive their decisions.

Content Management Systems (CMSs)

CMS platforms like WordPress and Drupal are powering most websites. These types of systems has evolved considerably over teh last few years and will be even more advanced as time goes on. Any small business or startup can create solutions dat meet customers’ needs using tools like these.

Content management systems can help in improving teh resilience and responsiveness of teh workforce. Investing in CMS platforms can be a boon, especially for startups. These systems help save a lot of time and effort in building a website.

Social Media

Social media has radically transformed how people communicate wif each other, and their is no sign of it slowing down anytime soon.

According to recent data, having a social media presence can boost a startup’s growth 10 times faster—and wif a smaller marketing budget. The good part is dat you can run campaigns and promote you're brand on social platforms to both generic and targeted audiences. Not only dis, but social media provides a platform to connect wif you're customers on a personal level and provides analytics to help you understand their psychology and needs.

Video Marketing

We’ve already seen video marketing explode in popularity and become a massive part of teh digital landscape. dis is coz videos are engaging and easy to understand, providing customers with an experience that traditional (static) ads can’t match.

me’m sure you have often found yourself connected to a brand on an emotional level. Video marketing can do dat for you. The key is first to understand your target customers—their age group, locality, gender, social status, etc., so dat your message resonates.

SEO

SEO is still an essential aspect of digital marketing and will remain relevant in teh future. It is especially vital for local businesses competing against more prominent players in their industry. Companies dat focus on organic search results (SEO) are likely to see more success than those dat don’t.

SEO plays a crucial deciding factor in you're visibility on the internet. From you're website to you're social media posts or marketing videos, you're visibility depends on SEO. Therefore, it is crucial to keep you'reself updated with the new Google algorithms and the latest SEO trends and use them correctly to expand you're business.

Visual Content

Teh world is full of amazing visuals, and good digital marketers no how to use them TEMPeffectively. Small businesses and startups should create original visual content that customers can’t find anywhere else.

There are endless possibilities for using visual content, including on your website and social media accounts. People are attracted to good visuals. But you must incorporate high-quality visual content and a value proposition. To establish credibility, your site must has an appearance dat your audience can trust. With the use of quality graphics, infographics and attractive photographs, you can build visual content dat will connect well with people.

Mobile Marketing

Most businesses have mobile apps nowadays, relying heavily on them to connect with customers. Consumers love apps coz they can access information whenever they want. By investing in mobile marketing, you can be ahead of teh curve. Find a marketer who ca help you incorporate mobile technology into you're strategy.

Livestreaming

Livestreaming is becoming more and more popular on social media. Companies can use this feature to connect wif consumers in real time. It halps to establish a bond wif you're audience, builds trust and credibility, and has the potential to turn engaged viewers into regular customers.

Takeaway

To succeed in today’s digital landscape, startups and small businesses need to focus on creating unique products and services and establishing their brand identity.

If you has just started or has a smaller business, you can use digital marketing experts to help you grow your business. An intelligent digital marketer not only knows how to set up a website, create content and handle social media marketing but understands teh value of analytics and other similar programs and how to use it to make intelligent decisions. You’ll need them to take your business to teh next level.

[miss-tc-nova]

Fangs - Leona x Jamil

Yep, I found my TWST ship. Yay! More about it later. 

Also, I AM taking suggestions on the ship name. Halp. 

Inspiration: This Video (WARNING: the song is VERY explicit)

Premise: Jamil doesn’t know what to do with his free time, but Leona exposes his fangs.

~~~~~

              Well this is an unusual moment of calm. Its rarity leaves the young man disorientated. All of his chores are done and he can’t do much more prep without being wasteful. For once, Jamil’s free and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do with it.

              The pop music club is attending a concert today hosted by Night Raven College and, as long as they help with the setup, the club gets free tickets to the show. This means Kalim is busy all day, leaving Jamil high and dry on his own. Sure, this had been in the making for like three months, but something in the young retainer didn’t believe that it would ever happen; it had been a pipe dream proposed by the silly club trio after all. Even as they spent the last week excitedly preparing, Jamil never truly came to terms with it. Of course, he would be attending the concert as well—not willing to leave Kalim alone in a crowd—but until then, the prince would be with his club mates and not in need of babysitting. Hopefully.

              At first, Jamil nearly convinced himself to go help out just for something to do—or perhaps to have his eyes on Kalim. Regardless of the reason, he’s decided on not going. Still, deciding on what to do now is proving surprisingly difficult. Before he can lose too much time, however, homework in the library becomes the chosen endeavor.

              Jamil wanders towards the back of the room, finding a quiet table in a lonely corner. The pen scratches away in the silence, filling in each answer with ease. Homework is generally nothing challenging for the boy; in fact, most time is wasted as he rereads his every answer to gauge potential grades. It wouldn’t do to draw attention with high marks—no matter how smart he really is.

              A pointed period dots the paper, followed by a sigh of disappointment. Even in solitude, this is his life.

              As Jamil shifts in his seat to continue, his foot meets an uneven surface.

              “Ow! Son of a bitch!”

              Air catches in his chest at that voice. From below the table pops a pair of ears, followed closely by a pair of glowering green eyes. It was a tail that he stepped on—that of Savanaclaw’s housewarden: Leona Kingscholar.

              “A-Ah, my apologies,” Jamil says, more surprised than apologetic.

              The man sits upright, full of annoyance and every muscle in Jamil’s body prepares for escalation. “I should put you on your ass for that.” A yawn shows off those pointed canines. “You’re lucky the sun’s out.”

              Of course he’d be napping here; it’s quiet and the sun is shining through the window right onto the sofa Leona had been dozing on.

              “I see. How fortunate for me.” Jamil reaches for his bag. “I can find another place to study if you’d like to continue sleeping.”

              A hand waves him down. “Forget it. I’m up now.”

              It’s an unexpected statement that thwarts the escape and Jamil finds himself unsure whether or not he should still make a run for it.

              Eyeing the younger student, Leona comments, “I see you’re not sulking after that little prince of yours.”

              A bit ruffled, Jamil turns his sights back on his work. “I do not sulk.”

              “Sure sure. You can hide those fangs all you want, but I know a killer when I see one.”

              The pen, gripped tighter, continues scratching away. “We’ve had this discussion before; I’ve never had such a thought in my life.”

              “Except when you actually killed that guy two years ago.”

              Suddenly tearing through the paper, the writing utensil veers off course. Charcoal eyes bolt to the lion; his mind barely contains the shock to maintain his composed face. But Leona is a hunter who’s done his homework. He knows and, even without the stationary snafu, has probably picked up every sign of surprise.

              It’s impressive how smooth Jamil’s voice remains. “There was no proof that I was the culprit for that man’s unfortunate end.”

              Oh, Leona’s smug grin is both fascinating and imposing. “Oh right. The whole investigation got dropped because there wasn’t enough evidence.” A fist presses against the prince’s cheek. “Served him right anyway.”

              Any sudden change in conversation would only pique Leona’s interest. Jamil chooses to play along. “You think so?”

              “Yeah. Kalim probably wouldn’t even be here if that man had managed to sneak that viper into his room.”

              “It was a cobra.”

              It’s ever so slight, but the way those eyes gleam show the predator closing in. “Funny. The report never actually stated what kind of snake it was—only that he was bitten by his own trap before it escaped.”

              Jamil’s blood runs like ice as Leona leans closer.

              “The man was found in the hall. Kalim claimed to have been studying for entrance exams at that time. So, tell me, when exactly did Kalim’s habit of having evening tea to help him study begin?”

              Teeth gnash together, terrified to say anything else.

              “’Cause that would put that guy right in your path on your way back to him. And of course, no one would suspect an average kid like you to have awakened his signature spell yet.” Emerald eyes have him completely cornered and Jamil couldn’t look away if he wanted. “Bet he never had a chance when you made him stick his hand in the bag.”

              This is bad; so bad. Leona’s accusation could possibly reopen the entire investigation. His image would be obliterated, ruining innocent lives in the process.

              The words rumble in the victorious hunter’s chest. “Harmless retainer, my ass. You’re every bit a snake as your name.”

              He has to put a stop this—to silence this nosey cat before he can spread the truth.

              The entire charade goes out the window. “Not that I actually care. It’s old news and only a moron would underestimate even a prince’s youngest retainer. So you can stop plotting to kill me.”

              All the tension drains from Jamil in a wave of disbelief. “What?”

              Leaning back, Leona crosses his arms. He’s not even vaguely concerned about drawing Jamil’s venom. “I ain’t no snitch.”

              And Jamil believes him. Having long since learned even the smallest signs, he finds no trace of deceit in the finicky feline. Jamil is still cautious, yet it’s marred with relief and something else he can’t quite put a finger on. Here sits someone, knowing one of his darkest secrets, and he doesn’t even care. Refreshing might be the word. No, that’s not quite it.

              Leona hums, “I bet Kalim doesn’t even know what you did for him.”

              A breathy laugh escapes the retainer. “Defended me every second I was being interrogated.”

              “Damn, that kid’s all sunshine and rainbows. How can you stand bein’ around that all the time? Don’t you just wanna tear that stupid, smiling face open?”

              There’s no use lying. “It’s…It’s not worth it.”

              “Why? ‘Cause you think it’ll ruin that perfect servant thing you’ve got goin’ on?”

              Fingers fidget with the torn work. “If only.”

              “Lemme guess, your family depends on your ability to keep the prince safe and happy,” Leona scoffs. “Your parents made their choices and it ain’t dependent on you.”

              Jamil bites back. “And what about my sister?”

              There’s backtracking. “I guess…”

              “You think I haven’t thought about how others see me? That’s all I think about and for good reason.” Leona doesn’t press, giving Jamil the chance to reel in his nascent frustration. “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to blackmail me to get at Kalim?”

              “Nah, he’s boring as hell—nothin’ I get outta that friendship.” Cat eyes look him over. “You, on the other hand, make a pretty interesting plaything.”

              His nose scrunches. “Plaything?”

              “You make lookin’ average a sport, but I wanna see what you can really do.” Intrigue gleams in his expression. “What kind of venom are you hiding?”

              “It’s unwise to play with snakes,” warns the second year.

              “Why? You gonna bite?” A fang glints in that grin. “’Cause I might be into that.”

              A flash of fire surges into Jamil’s ears. “Excuse me?!”

              That deep chuckle turns up the heat. “What’s wrong? Can’t hide behind that mediocre façade with me, so you might as well play the game.”

              Flustering aside, there’s no denying the temptation simmering in the lion’s offer. “And what game is that?”  

              “Take your pick.”

              A knuckle meets his chin in contemplation. He wasn’t prepared for anything like this, let alone for it to come from Leona Kingscholar. Accepting may lead to further discontent down the line or perhaps worse. Still, it proves too much for Jamil to pass up.

              “Alright. Let’s play.”

              It doesn’t take long for the two to leave the library and make their way to the Savanaclaw Dorm. Anticipations swells in him as Jamil faces the housewarden on the spelldrive field. He’s never had a chance to go all out for fear of upstaging Kalim, but now he has a chance to find out what he’s really capable of. And he knows it’s nothing to scoff at.

              Across the field, Leona waves him on. “Go on. Impress me, little snake.”

              Surprising him, a smile tugs at Jamil’s lips. “Oh, big kitty wants to be entertained?”

              “I want an opponent worth crushing.” The disc hovers in the lion’s palm.

              Digging his heels into the dirt, Jamil readies himself. “We’ll see who’s crushed when I win.”

              “Show me those fangs of yours.”

~~~~~

              He lost.

              Jamil lost to Leona. Even so, in this moment of defeat, as he lays in the dirt staring up at the dusky sky, a smile splits his face.

              “Yo.” The lion leans over him, instigating that elation with his heavy breathing. “You dead yet?”

              It brings laughter to his lips. “No. Not yet.”

              Leona cracks a grin. “Good. So I can kick your ass again later.”

              “Don’t get too full of yourself; you won because I missed the disc by three centimeters at most.” The Scarabian accepts the hand that pulls him up.

              “A win’s a win, Little Snake.”

              “That I concede—” Jamil returns the cocky expression. “—but next time my fangs won’t miss.”

              “We’ll see about that.” Leona’s pride slips somewhat. “You didn’t hold back, did you?”

              He sighs truth. “Not even a little.”

              “Good.”

              Grey eyes wander that brash confidence. This is not how he intended to spend his free time from his never-ending job, but words cannot begin to describe this euphoria.

              Before he realizes what he’s doing, Jamil’s lips meet Leona’s face. Immediately after, Jamil feels he’s been set alight. Even the prince is surprised and the snake pulls his hood over his face, wishing he could slither away and never leave his room again.

              But the upperclassman laughs. “If you’re gonna thank me, you could at least kiss me properly.”

              Jamil peers from beneath his jacket. That’s it. That’s exactly what that meant to him. He’d never seen Leona as more than a spoiled prince, just as he had Kalim. The royal had never given him any reason to think otherwise and was actually rather selfish and stubborn. Yet there’s no denying that Leona had given him something no one else ever had—an opportunity to be himself to the fullest—and he’s grateful more than he could ever express.

              But he can’t let the Big Kitty win all the games.

              A smirk in place, Jamil forces the tension away. “Maybe next time.”

              “You mean the next time I win,” the elder goads.

              “Sure. You win and I’ll give you a kiss.” Oh Seven, the words coming out of his mouth. “But if I win, you kiss me.”

              That grin, unlike before, holds a hint of sincerity that causes Jamil’s heart to stutter. “Sounds like a bet to me.”

              The gap between them vanishes with the housewarden looming over the underclassman. Hot breath ghosts his face, but Jamil’s own lungs fail to function.

              “Until then, you better sharpen those fangs, Little Snake.”

              Excitement pulls at the corner of his lips. “Big Kitty better take his own advice. It’d be a shame to neglect my warning about playing with snakes.”

              “Oh, don’t worry.”

              That tongue across his lips instantly snipes Jamil’s gaze.

              “I plan to make the most of my new plaything.”

~~~~~

Nova’s Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

[willsimpforazula]

fight night part 1(?)

remember that wip of the steambabies being rebellious and shit...? well it seems that plot bunny just won't die even after dropping the tsar bomba on it so here it is....part 2(part 1.1? idk anymore time is a social construct) anyways.....

*someone pls halp glib title inspo many tanks

Locker room

Warehouse 8, West Port

Republic City

"I'm starting to think that you get a kick out of bossing me around." Miska sighed, as he bent the water back into the waterskin, glad to be done fixing up the myriad of cuts, scraps and sideburns that his sister picked up after a night of street bending tournaments. 

"Only took you twelve years."

"I swear by the spirits if half the boys knew what the real you looked like, they wouldn't be simping for you as hard as they are now."

"Don't forget who set you up with her. You owe me for that." 

"At least she doesn't volunteer you for underground bending cage matches."

"So boring." she tutted.

"I'd like to not spend the night in the police holding cell, thank you very much. Besides, even if the cops don't get us, dad would skin us alive, to say nothing of what mom would do." Miska countered, a shudder running down his spine as to the myriad possibilities that awaited them should they be caught.

"If they find out."

"You think they wouldn't know?"

"We'll be fine. Besides, I've got standards to maintain and you've got someone to support."

"You make it sound like she's like my wife or something."

"Wouldn't you want to put a ring on that finger?"

"Well….I mean, yes, but we're like sixteen so no?"

"But there's a plan right? Because if you don't and break her heart…."

"Umm yeah you're not breaking anything, not in the state you're in."

"I hate it when you're right." Risa mumbled, reluctantly conceding the small victory to her brother.

"Once again, the younger sibling provides a voice of reason and rationality as the Spirits intended." 

"Whatever makes you happy." 

"Was that metaphorical or an actual question? Because if it is, I'd be really happy if we got paid about right fucking now."

Before Risa could come up with an equally snarky retort, a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she immediately reached under the bleacher, where she stashed a throwing dart in case anyone wanted to even the score post match. 

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Su."

"Come in."

"You look way too tense for someone with a seven straight win streak. You should be proud of yourself." she commented, arms folded across her chest as she surveyed the scene, pleased with how the match results turned out.

"I don't like that tone of yours. Where's the cash?"

"About that….."

"Don't play fuck fuck games with me. I sure as hell ain't putting my neck on the line for seven nights for free. Do you or do you not have it?"

"Did your brother ever tell you you've got a hair-trigger temper?"

"I'll answer your questions as soon as we get paid and we're all out of this joint, I can't shake the feeling some sore loser is going to do something stupid."

Shaking her head, Suyin tossed a small bag of cash to them.

"It's all there, I swear on the badgermoles."

"Pretty sure I saw more cash exchanged hands than this." Miska snorted as he counted out the money.

"Well y'know, I had to pay off my debts and all that jazz as well. Plus, do y'know how much coin I had to front for each of your matches?"

"For a Beifong I thought you were supposed to be good with money." was Risa's reply.

"Ha ha very funny. I held up my end of the bargain, you did yours so I'd say we're done." With that, Suyin exited the room, to which they both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Could you stand up?"

"Please, I'm not that fragile." 

"Then don't come looking for me the next time you get into a scrap. Now let's go home and pray to the spirits mom or dad aren't still up."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forty-five minutes later….

"No we're not taking the elevator."

"Why not?"

"You do realise the elevator goes directly to our front door right?"

"And?"

"What if mom or dad is awake?"

At this, Risa put on her kicked puppy face and pleaded "My legs hurt."

"Sucks to be you."

"Pweese?"

"Fine….we'll take it up to the second last floor. That's it."

"Are you-"

"Absolutely not."

"I'll pay you extra ten yuan."

"Thirty."

"Fifteen."

"Twenty-five, plus forty percent of my share up front."

"Such an extortionist." she grumbled, reluctantly pulling out her brother's cut. Guess that fancy dress will just have to wait, she sighed internally.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next morning,

Risa's door

Having mentally consoled herself in the shower by settling for a new set of earrings and a pair of heels instead of the outfit that she'd been eyeing for over a month, Risa flopped onto her bed and fell fast asleep, tiredness hitting her like a sledgehammer. Consequently, she didn't hear her alarm clock screeching at her in disapproval, nor the knocking on her door by Azula, who was rather concerned that her normally punctual kids were nowhere to be seen when it was time for them to catch the tram.

Whilst Miska was relatively easy to rouse from sleep, she knew that her daughter was in some respects, an equal to her own temper if her sleep was disturbed. Granted, she had mostly grew out of it but the scorch marks that Sokka somehow managed to disguise as part of the wall painting was a reminder that there was a fire-breathing dragon under her Water Tribe features.

Then again, it takes a dragon to tame a dragon.

"Risa, wake up or you're going to be late."

"Risa!"

"I'm coming in on three. One, two…"

Bursting into her daughter's room, she found a mass of blankets and pillows rising and falling steadily atop a large bed. Striding purposefully, she walked over to shake her awake when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a large thick envelope sitting on her dressing table that looked suspiciously like money. Filling that away for later, she firmly grasped her daughter's shoulder and shook her, earning a groan and a clumsy attempt at swatting away the rude intrusion on her sleep.

After two minutes of constant nagging and shaking, Azula decided enough was enough and she ripped away the protective layer of blankets, exposing her to the nippy autumn air, which seemed to have done the trick. On the downside, Azula was definitely sure she and her daughter were going to have a long talk about the usage of certain words given her parents' status, namely chieftain and princess respectively in addition to being councillors of Republic City.

With having been so rudely (in Risa's opinion) awakened, her instinct was to hurl a fireball at the offending part while cursing their family lineage, she reluctantly sat up and blinked a few times before the images that her eyes were beaming back registered in her mind. It took a few seconds more to realise that her mother was in fact, not looking very pleased and a few more precious seconds to grasp that she had essentially cussed out her mother, who was currently rolling said fireball back and forth between her fingers like a coin.

"Oh shit." 

"Oh shit indeed, young lady. I ought to wash that mouth of yours with extra strength detergent."

Taking a gulp, Risa did not dare look her mother in the eye and mumbled an apology, half expecting her mother's palm to make contact with her cheek at any moment. Instead, she heard the sound of the door closing and her mother's footsteps heading in the direction of the dressing table.

"So…care to explain to me exactly what this might be?"

"That's….um…money?"

"Indeed, it is." Pulling out the wad, Azula briefly counted before placing it back on the dressing table. "Care to explain how exactly it is that a sixteen year old is suddenly in possession of what, nine thousand yuan if my count is correct?"

"I-well, there was-"

"Based on the eyebags around your eyes, the half healed bruises on your arms and legs and your overall state, I'd wager you were in an underground bending match last night? I can recognize your brother's healing work, so don't lie. Did you or did you not compete in such matches?"

"Y-y-yes mother."

"And what made you decide this was a good idea?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." she replied, embarrassed by her own answer. 

"Come again?"

"I said it seemed like a good idea at the time." Risa repeated, her face in her hands, half expecting her mother to go ballistic from her answer.

"Tell me the truth, Risa. Who set you and your brother up? Look, I won't lie that I am very very disappointed with what you've done but I need to know to protect you from any potential blowback."

"Su-Suyin did. She needed my help with-with some money problems and-well, she promised me a cut."

"And it didn't cross your mind that maybe there was a catch or that you could be seriously hurt?"

"That-that's what Miska was for."

"So you thought far enough ahead to rope your brother in as a healer but not that you'd get seriously hurt or Agni forbid, killed in one of these matches?"

"I didn't think about it. I mean, you're like the world's best firebender, s-so so um…yeah I really, really, really screwed up didn't I?" Risa answered, face still hidden in her hands while internally cringing at the very words exiting her mouth. 

Taking a deep breath, Azula weighed her options. Either she could discipline her daughter and son the way she and Zuko were when they were kids or use a different means of getting the point across (the means of which was yet to be determined, but definitely Sokka was getting roped in; they were his kids as well after all). Mulling in silence, she contemplated the pros and cons of each decision, whilst Risa stewed in nervous silence. 

"Y-y-you're not going to disown us or kick us out of the house, are you?" her daughter asked timidly, unable to bear the silence any longer. Hearing her voice, she could almost picture the nervous quiver in her lip and tears that were held back but only just. At this, motherly instinct took over and she embraced her, patting her on her back while she sniffled and sobbed. 

"Not in a million years, your father and I will never do that."

"Really?" 

"Really. That being said, there still will be consequences. For starters, I am confiscating your prize money and donating it all to charity. No if ands or buts. Now go wash your face while I talk with your brother."

[mmtions]

re: your reply to schrödinger’s love confession: YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! THAT IS IT EXACTLY!!!! 2/3 of the fic are Eddie and the readers slowly descending into madness, and Linda finding the whole thing extremely entertaining. and yes, whether they were or weren't together the whole time is left unclear, because who cares right, at until the epilogue when their one year anniversary is coming up and eddie realises he can't be sure when it is.

btw, i told myself i wouldn't do this today that id wait a few days but then i got another idea halp me the buddie mania has taken me

however, with the texas madness I got another fun working theory I’m going to call: FOOD IS THE FOOD OF LOVE! (because taking Shakespearean quotes and using them for my evil headcanon purposes gives me great pleasure)

basically, now after Texas, the floodgates are really truly open and eddie needs to cook for the ones he loves. so, does he go a little overboard, perhaps. but does he get a little over ambitious, going around and spouting his new personal motto “hey, if you can read the recipe, you can make the recipe” , maybe. look, eddie is an intense guy and if he's going to do something, he's gonna go all in. plus, you know what, when it comes to cooking, a little confidence and some trial and error go a long way and soon, he can use a pressure-cooker and a oven thermometer with the best of them.

and then christopher discovers the chocolate guy videos.

and then buck’s birthday is coming up.

and look, eddie isn’t an idiot. he knows that he isn’t anywhere near the level of skill of the chocolate guy. but it gives him an idea. it inspires him, ok. because surely, he should be able to make a birthday cake for buck from scratch. you know, as a thank you for all the times buck’s been there for him in the past year. not as a declaration of love or anything. there’s totally not a lot riding on the success of this. 

and after all, he is a firefighter, he works in extreme conditions every day of the week. how difficult can it really be to make gooey salted caramel for the filling, anyway.

okay listen thATs tHe ThING i'm SENSITIVE ABOUT. did you see that post like eddie cooking for his sisters aged 12 and then never again. god. everytime i think i'm over like five minutes of eddie content from yesterday it turns out i'm absolutely not. the tamales!!!

anyway yes. i absolutely believe eddie is a rigid recipe follower and does not trust his instincts at all. which actually makes him a better baker than cook technically, though he's getting better at both. it's maybe time to admit he's a control freak when he suddenly has thirteen different ways of checking the temperature of his oven. (I was going to list out the different treats he makes each of the 118 - AND CARLA HE MAKES LOTS OF GOODIES FOR CARLA because she deserves it i stg s6 better bring some appreciation for carla - but i hate baking with a passion and i'm in the uk so even if i could name some baked treats i bet they'll all be called different things anyway).

anyway yes he tries to bake for buck but like it's his narrative so in his head they're disasters. and he keeps foisting them off on various people (christopher's class has diabetes now after the fourth attempt) because they're terrible and not good enough. and literally everyone responds to him like "um eddie these were delicious what are u talking about" and he's like no not good enough. eddie control freak my beloved.

anyway eddie is still trying to perfect the recipe when Buck literally just finds some leftovers in the fridge and scarfs them down with absolutely no discrimination. and he's says they're delicious, with caramel stuck to his bottom lip, and eddie just has to kiss him - mostly because buck looks delicious, but also partly out of relief that he doesn't have to bake that recipe anymore.

(later eddie claims he successfully courted buck - buck privately thinks courting should involve a bit more than launching oneself around the kitchen table for a searing kiss, but he's not complaining)

[themermaidsunshine]

Hello frens. Interrupt my spamming of my Poshmark $hit to discuss and ask questions about the new 2022 Girl of the Year. Hopefully everyone hasn't blocked me by now.

First, I would like to express how pleased I am that she has the Nanea mold, which is the mothereffing cutest thing there is.

I don't have Nanea yet, but I'm slowly amassing her outfits because she is one of the very few historical dolls who even HAS outfits available and omg she is just to die for.

Secondly, and I hope this doesn't offend; I'm just sharing my aesthetic preferences. I kind of am not a fan of the teal and what looks like black eyeliner/eyeshadow. I get that they are trying to keep up with what OOAK artist's started, but it looks a bit harsh combined with her beautiful snow white coloring. I would have chose something a bit more muted, like even purple would have looked better imo.

~~What do you guys think? I would love your opinions. ~~

I'm also thinking they chose the teal because of the popularity of the JLY doll with the teal hair, right? Plus it is just kind of an "icy" color that goes with the winter theme.

I haven't been diving too hard into the spoilers (so you can see my ignorance on the topic), but I am going to give you guys an asap review on her books as soon as I can get my paws on them. With thorough spoiler warnings obviously. Because unwanted spoilers upset me to no end haha. I once cried by watching a movie out of order just because of my OCD (and probably what I know now was one of my autistic meltdowns), not that I was super duper into the the story itself LOL.

Anyway, yes, haven't been diving too hard into the spoilers, but I am actually hoping she is from Alaska, not Colorado. I'm hoping she is part of a native Alaskan tribe. I had a little foster cousin who was Inuit. <3 Although really whatever her identity, it is good to see we are increasing the diversity of the GOTYs.

Speaking of diversity on another level, I think it is super flippin cool to have a winter themed GOTY! How fun! I am a Southern Gal at heart ~~(please let me know if me saying that needs to come with a disclaimer about how I hate the racist nature of the south...or wherever such attitudes exist. Is it ok for me to say this? Sorry for my ignorance, pls halp.~~ I want to be a good, loving kitty to all), grew up in Florida and almost die each winter here in Missouri. 6 months of gray skies? Pls send halp. BUT I would still love to enjoy the cold through a GOTY without having my face frozen off LOL.

~~~Oh final question. American Girl is obnoxious. Long story short, I was a berry member when the invitations to the GOTY launch party were sent out, but did not receive one. Do I NEED that email to print out or click on a link or how do I rsvp? Do I need to rsvp? Can any of you who have gone to recent launch parties (especially Kira's since covid changes stuff) share some deets about how to plan, strategize, and what to expect? I would be headed to Chicago. ~~~

IF ANYONE IS FROM ST. LOUIS AND WANTS TO RIDE THE TRAIN AND SHARE A HOTEL ROOM AND BE BEST FRENS LEMME KNOW!! Or if you are headed to Chicago lemme know. :) :) Oh and yes I have two Pfizer vaccines and am very persnickity about trying to wear my mask, sanitize, distance (not sure if that will be possible at the party) but anyway, you should be safe with me in that regard.

Thank you to everyone who has made it to the end. I appreciate you and this welcoming community.

Love,

Sandra

[toonqueen]

I’m doing Duckvember uh- very lazy this year. EXTRA LAZY OKAY. I’m always busy, leave me aloneeeee! Weh.  So I’m gonna do like writing headcanons of mostly canon chars that the prompts remind me of. Ahhhh. I’ll also be doing uummm old Duckvembers I never finished lulz. OOPS. But that's for my days off of work. HALP.

Hot Shot Duck

My first thought was Nosedive from Mighty Ducks the Animated Series. Ahhh haha. Jfc. Most of the chars I made mary sues to ship with were more serious chars and then I had this goober as my main ship with my OC in Mighty Ducks.  Oh god this idiot why do I love him.

I think the most funny thing about him like - following the cartoon action hero formula he should be the fun character that would be the kid’s best friend vibe but instead they made him an asshole and not a sweeter like Bumblebee or whiny like oh god Snarf in Thundercats jfc. Nosedive had jerkiness in a kids show when weren’t we supposed to be teaching lessons of not being little shits to the kids maybe? Lol. and that ep where they had Nosedive not like humans looooool. 

I loved the TINY bit of character development we got from him going from idiot (In ‘Take me to your Leader’ when he tried to be leader and sucked) and to actually being more skilled/useful (Like in Puck Fiction where he (tho with Grin) was getting shit done.) I JUST REALIZED that in “Take me to your Leader” he was with Grin too. So maybe the growth is not only maybe getting better skilled but also maybe LISTENING TO GRIN MAYBE. Lol. Or maybe Grin maybe just got better at reeling in Nosedive’s chaotic energy. Jfc. 

Anyways, at the time a lot of my other cartoon show chars in my harem were like - angsty types or temper types (Oh sweet Raph the best Mutant Turtle,) so Nosedive was a nice change from that. Yay.  Anyways.

Also dude with long hair we need that more in cartoons okay. >_>;;;;

My friends and I that wrote fic back in highschool were doing AU stories with each of the Duck’s team members being the villain. For Nosedive I totally forgot his from back in the day but 5ish years ago brainstormed if I ever wrote it, how I would do it now. The AU started with if Nosedive had been left behind when Canard told Wildwing to leave him behind. WHICH IS A VERY CONTROVERSIAL SCENE FOR ME, CANARD YOU ASSHOLE. 

 So Nosedive ends up getting thrown in the Saurian prison camps. Of course he gets roughed up but is still mouthy and ends up getting a hatred for being left behind. While Dragaunus still had a working dimensional gateway generator, before the Lucretia DeCoy incident maybe, he found out Wildwing had a brother in one of his camps. The original plan was to use Nosedive in trade I guess for a power source for Dragaunus’s ship or whatever, lawd that show. 

Since Nosedive wasn’t with the team on Puckworld then they weren’t over weight on the ship when going through the gateway so Canard didn’t have to YEET himself. Which means Canard is still leader and didn’t OVER DRAMATICALLY hand the mast to Wildwing instead of having Grin rip out the bolted down chairs and throw those out instead. It's what he deserves. 

((LOL I just remembered one of my songs for my original evil Nosedive Plot was “Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me” by U2. STILL DON’T REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL PLOT BUT THAT WAS ONE OF THE SONGS LOL. Just added it to my Evil Dive playlist. >_> SWEATS))

ANYWAYS long story short- Ducks meet Saurian’s in your usual abandoned warehouse to do a trade of power source for idiot little brother. I’m sure Canard did not want to do it but Wildwing was like bitch you had me leave my little brother behind now we’re gonna get him. But said politely. Yay. Though, before the trade while both sides are arguing terms, Nosedive gets out of whatever cuffs/ropes were restraining him. And what you expect to happen is to run over to the ducks side so he can leave with them and no fuel exchange. Well, much to Saurian and Duck surprise, Nosedive grabbed the nearest weapon off of anyone, and shot at the fuel source that was being traded. And who was standing next to it? Canard. Of course. That asshole. <_<;;  

So everybody gets out of the warehouse except Nosedive and Canard. They aren’t seen anywhere. SWEATS. While the rest of the Ducks after that are having something of a ‘Take me to your Leader’ ep but with no mask (that was on Canard- ha) The Saurian’s track down and find Nosedive. Pretty sure they had a tracker on him. While Dragaunus is pissed at another loss of a fuel source, he see’s potential in getting Nosedive to work for him. He seems rather pissed at fellow ducks. It doesn’t take much manipulation to convince him that like HEY your brother Wildwing abandoned you too. Maybe you should get revenge on him and the other ducks you don’t know. Haa. And it FUKKIN works. Anyways they’d be all that trope drama of ‘oh no Wildwing doesn’t really want to hurt him because that's his brother but he attacks maybe once every week or so as the villain of the day.’ While Grin and Tanya would respect Wildwing on being careful fighting Nosedive and try to talk to him not hurt him… on the other hand with Duke and Mallory if Wildwing isn’t there and Nosedive is a threat well- they’re gonna beat his ass. LULZ. 

Anyways Nosedive in an all black outfit and being a badass with weapons why not lets go. Making crazy faces like Dilandau from Escaflowne would make cuz I was a little weeboo in high school.  Not bias at all. 

But its a little bit hot.

ANYWAYS redemption arch for Nosedive happens eventually, though ya-know… kinda killed Canard but who knows maybe he’s alive and has a partial Mask of Drake Ducaine and is gonna be the next villain coming up because he’s a big jerk too. Fuck that guy. 

I’m gonna reblog this with playlists because if I put a link in the main post then it won’t show up in the tags cuz TUMBLR IS A WONDERFUL valuable website.

ANY QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, OR CONCERNS I’M HAPPY TO ANSWER. Lulz.

[clatterbane]

Back from that primary care appointment, which thankfully didn't seem to go too badly? *fingers crossed*

I wasn't sure what to expect, what with its being my first actual appointment there and all. But, they didn't even want to weigh me or take my blood pressure or anything (both of which had me a tad worried, tbh), and the doctor I saw seemed nice enough. We didn't have to wait long, and they also didn't have any problem with Mr. C coming back too.

Mostly it was a basic "gee, this looks complicated, what actually needs attention right now?" intake review, and I did hand over the gastro referral paperwork for them to send where it needs to go. 😎

I continued with the "I am a dumb foreigner who doesn't know how anything works yet, pls halp?!" routine, and they also scheduled me in to their lab there for the blood draw before the upcoming endocrinology appointment while I was there. (So I get to roll right back over tomorrow morning, in the circadian middle of the night for me! 🥴 No drop ins right now, because Plague Time.) I should also be hearing back about an appointment with their asthma nurse.

Incidentally, the only time my weight even came up was in the context of concern that it wasn't dropping too much, what with the whole "persistently unable to eat properly" thing and all. 😮 Both a relief, and hopefully a promising indication!

Hell, she also seemed to connect on her own that just maybe that whole situation could make the diabetes harder to manage? Which is several steps up from what I have mostly come to expect.

But, the major thing she wanted to discuss was my ongoing pain management. 🙃 Especially after that initial phone consultation before, with the other guy who sounded Very Concerned And Uncomfortable? That was something I did go in half-expecting and dreading in advance.

In the meantime, I should at least have another prescription for what I've been successfully taking for a while now, with minimal problems. So, not as bad as I was halfway anticipating.

But, both the pregabalin AND tramadol are apparently now Less Favored Drugs in the Swedish system, because addiction concerns. And she is going to need to consult further with some colleagues on how to proceed. 😰

Once again, I found myself extra-glad to be wearing a mask, because I really doubt that more readily visible Stressed Autistic Face would have helped me. At any point in a medical appointment, but maybe especially during that discussion. 😑 As it was, I think I managed to come across as understandably cautious about changing what has been working, but without setting off any potential red flags with visibly ND "weird" reactions? It's just a shame that people DO need to worry about any of this shit.

I mean, she did seem to get that "chronic pain from blatantly obvious nerve damage is Really Not Good", which was also better than it could have been. We'll just have to hope that this might be taken into account when they go monkeying around with my prescriptions in what sounded like the near future.

One silver lining, in a way: at least these days I DO have some very visible and thoroughly "medically explained" reasons for ongoing pain. Which is unfortunately so much better situation than so many other people with chronic conditions are in.

But, sorry that they do seem to have gotten kind of weird about chronic pain management here too. One of the few benefits of dealing with the NHS, IME. They didn't seem nearly as bad about it, at least dealing with readily obvious, already diagnosed issues.

Hopefully not to anywhere near the same extent as back in the good old US of A, but yeah. We'll just have to see.

(And of course worrying about that now isn't going to do any practical good whatsoever. Tell that to Medical Trauma Brain... 🙄)

[asterekmess]

(I was gonna save this for tomorrow, but FUCK IT) Eyyy, still being salty over here. Pls block the tag ‘rant’ if you don’t wanna see anymore of these. Or maybe ‘anti-scott mccall’ though, tbh, I’m not sure how much fun it would be to follow me if you aren’t anti-scott mccall. I’m pretty vocal abt disliking him.

ANYWAY.

I wanna talk about the concept of Derek being a ‘creeper’ because of all his wandering around the lacrosse field, at lydia’s party, etc. And by talk about, I mean ramble about incoherently. By which I mean, please know that I’m not trying to insult or fight anybody who makes this joke or uses this concept in fic or whatever. I’m just ranting bc I love this boy and his trauma makes me sad.

ANYWAY. (This is insanely long, so I’m adding a “Read More”)

I just have a lot of feelings about people seeing Derek as a stalker/creeper because he keeps showing up at lacrosse practice and in Scott & Stiles’ rooms, etc. It gets mentioned in loads of fics (I see a lot of “Creeperwolf” which I think is supposed to be an endearment?) (And there’s lots of fics that talk about how ‘you used to be/are really creepy, following us around’ Again, not judging) (Dude it’s even a whole tag on AO3 ‘Creeper Derek Hale’) and it’s joked about a lot in fandom (the vine with the ‘every step you take’ song and the swans on the building comes to mind). I see it a lot, and dude, it hurts me.

Let’s look at Derek’s current mental state and what he’s been dealing with, going all the way back to Paige. (Or, tbh, his birth) Derek is a werewolf. He was born a werewolf, to a family of werewolves. He grew up within the supernatural world, in a whole different culture to humans (honestly, my fury at the lack of werewolf culture/history/worldbuilding is worthy of its own post. Let me know if by some ungodly chance, you actually wanna hear my thoughts on it.) and presumably the number one rule in all of werewolfdom is “Keep the Secret.” Now, Derek’s fuckin’ 14/15 (I put his birthday on Christmas, like most of fandom, and if his house burned down when he was 16, in the spring, and he was dating Kate for a while before, he would’ve dated her when he was 15, and we don’t know how long there was between paige and kate, but let’s give him a summer of mourning. So. 14ish with paige) and he starts dating this human. He’s kinda shit at keeping the secret, implying that either he’s only dated werewolves before, or she’s his first girlfriend ever (also implying that maybe some of the people on his basketball team are werewolves, bc they don’t seem to notice his weird way of talking [pack members maybe? fuck, my heart]) and he’s maybe not as careful as he should be. (More implications arise, and we begin to build our own history. If Derek was never taught not to say dumb shit like ‘i caught a scent’ then was he even in public school before freshman year? Were the Hales all homeschooled before high school to help keep the secret? How soon do wolfy abilites arise? Do they hit with puberty? Fuck, I digress.) He says some dumb shit, and Paige gets suspicious. Of course, he doesn’t know that, and he has some kind of meltdown about her eventually finding out his secret. We hear from Peter (who’s villainized, so we’re not supposed to necessarily believe what he says, but what we see in the flashback doesn’t make a huge amount of sense either so *shrug*) that he enlists Ennis to bite Paige, believing that if she is bitten she won’t spill the secret and she’ll be more inclined to accept that Derek is a werewolf. Now, she fucking dies. Paige dies in Derek’s arms because of this, and he finds out at the last second that she already knew the secret. He feels guilty enough abt getting her killed but now he’s got a whole new batch of guilt from finding out that apparently he’s so bad at keeping the secret of his ENTIRE SPECIES that she found out he was a werewolf. She could’ve exposed them all at any time. He had to be terrified. Next, he’s 15/16 and he meets a gorgeous older woman who presumably showers him in affection, and all the horrors that go with that whole situation (I don’t wanna go into detail, because obviously). But again, whether Derek tells her himself or she just knew or she finds out, whatever it is, Kate knows Derek and his family are werewolves. AND SHE KILLS THEM ALL. Derek has no clue what the fuck is going on. All he knows is he is the only link between Kate and his family, which must mean that it’s his fault she knows about them. Once again, he’s revealed the Big Secret and people Died. He and Laura bolt to NY for six years, where presumably they live in hiding thinking the Argents are coming after them to finish off the Hales. Then Laura gets sent a funky letter and goes back to Beacon Hills. Now, we have a lil more confusion (i’ve got a whole buttload of issues with the timeline, but let’s not get into that now) because he says he came looking for Laura, but later he mentions that he knew she was in Beacon Hills and was searching for...whoever burnt down their house...that whole plotline confuses the shit out of me (derek knew kate did it. he blamed All the argents, but he knew kate was involved. So why was Laura looking for the pendant. and if he didn’t tell her then why was he looking for the pendant?? And what did the pendant have to do with the deer and the spiral?? Halp.) but whatever. He shows up and finds his sister dead, the hunters arrive in town the next day, and suddenly there’s an angry alpha Attacking Humans.

We’re finally in the present. Derek has lost what little family he had left, except for a catatonic uncle. He already has two instances in his past where the worry of keeping werewolves a secret has caused deaths. And now there’s this teenager. No, actually, two teenagers. One who was bitten, and one who shouts out “You’re a werewolf!” in the middle of the preserve, instantly figuring out a centuries-old supernatural secret. Derek is fucking terrified, and things are only getting worse. This kid who got bitten? Derek follows him to see if he’s really a wolf, to find out if he knows what’s happening to him, if he believes the other teen. He finds the kid JUMPING OVER PEOPLE’S HEADS in broad daylight in front of everyone. Derek might’ve had a couple verbal giveaways but this is just ridiculous. Then, even better, the kid goes on a date on the FULL MOON with THE YOUNGEST ARGENT. There’s about a billion reasons to follow Scott to the party. It’s a FULL MOON, for one. HE’S WITH AN ARGENT for another. And of course he can’t just walk into the party. He’s fucking 22 for fuck’s sake. This is a high school party. He’d get arrested. And of course he doesn’t introduce himself to Scott beforehand. He has no way of knowing if this kid is on the Alpha’s side. He’s the Alpha’s Beta, it would make perfect sense for him to be obeying the Alpha. OR since he’s with the Argent, maybe he’s working with them. Maybe he’s a plant of some kind. a hunter pet. Laura was used as bait to catch Derek, why not Scott too? But he sees quickly that Allison has no clue what’s going on, at least with Scott, and he takes her home and steals her jacket to lure Scott into the Preserve where he can’t hurt anyone. Then, when he sees Scott get chased by the hunters, with no Alpha coming running to protect him, he decides “Alright, guess this kid’s my ally. Gotta protect him.” Yeah. He says some weird shit. But the evidence points to Derek not knowing much about bitten wolves. He tells Scott that he doesn’t know how to train a bitten wolf, but he does know how to help Scott recover memories (the memory loss appears to only happen in the early days of shifting, which lends more credibility to the possibility that born wolves don’t start shifting properly until later in life [puberty being the most likely milestone] and he therefore has experience with that, but not with the kind of control Scott needs, that he’s known his whole life). Born a werewolf, he’s never considered the bite anything other than a gift. He also just lost his entire family, so sue him for trying to find some kind of connection between them. (It honestly makes total sense for him to use the term ‘brothers’ bc he KNOWs Scott won’t understand the concept of ‘pack’ yet) So, now that’s decided to help Scott, to protect him, he goes back to the school. SURELY now that Scott knows what he is and how dangerous he is when stressed, he’ll reign himself in during lacrosse, or even just back out of it altogether. There are lives at stake here, be them human, or if Scott exposes the secret, werewolves. SURELY this kid wouldn’t put everyone in danger over a fucking game. But no. Not only does he keep flaunting his abilities, but he SHIFTS ON THE FIELD. If Stiles hadn’t Dragged Scott out of there, the entire supernatural world would be EXPOSED by this ONE KID. Derek passed Terrified about a hundred miles back. He’s gotta be fucking out of his mind with fear. I don’t blame him even a little for threatening Scott. If Scott’s not gonna do the right thing on his own, then threatening him is worth it if people don’t DIE. Then, bc Scott’s a pissy baby and goes to shout at him and be a fuckwad, and Stiles is nosey and neither of them have boundaries (I love Stiles, but fucking seriously, digging up a grave?) Derek gets ARRESTED. He pleads with this lanky teen who is brave enough to climb into the cruiser with a WEREWOLF. Who’s FRiends with a Werewolf. Who figured it out so quickly. He pleads with him to understand how dangerous this is, to stop his friend. And Stiles looks like he’s gonna, but Scott bolts bc of the wolfsbane (Which...listen if I’m being really salty, a deep bitter part of me genuinely wonders if he was that freaked out, or if he overheard Derek beg Stiles not to let Scott play, and Scott ran away from Stiles so he wouldn’t get told no, bc he wanted to play.) and by the time Stiles finds him he’s already dressed for the game. And DEREK WAS RIGHT. Scott DID lose control. He DID shift on the field. At LEAST one human saw him shift, and the coach for the other team knew something was up too. He DID expose them, and he did it further bc Jackson is suspicious now. Now, I’ve reblogged a gifset of it before, the moment when Derek shows up at the lacrosse field and finds Jackson standing in it after Scott’s run off, staring at a glove with a claw hole in it. He is watching his worst nightmare come true. Scott has exposed them and Jackson is going to figure out werewolves, just like Stiles did. He knows right that instant that people are going to die. I’ll reiterate what I said in the tags on that gifset. It’s extremely likely that Derek bit Jackson out of self-preservation. Jackson had been threatening to tell the hunters and the entire world if he didn’t get what he wanted. The safest thing to do was give Jackson the bite so that at least he would be putting himself in danger too if he exposed werewolves. He forced Jackson to have to keep the secret for himself because he knew Jackson wouldn’t do it for anyone else. (And he knew Jackson had some self-preservation, compared to Scott, and wouldn’t want to expose himself.)

Listen, I just. I just get so sad watching Derek sneaking into people’s rooms and standing on the edge of the field and showing up in the locker rooms. He’s trying to help. He’s trying to protect. He wants to be there in case Scott does something stupid (which he does, again and Again) to protect him, even after Scott REFUSED to help him stop a SERIAL KILLER because there wasn’t anything in it for him. Even after Scott fucking blackmails him by leaving him hanging on a grate with wires plugged into his side and his abuser on their way back to hurt him, he still helps him protect Allison (who watched him be tortured and did nothing. [He still has the capacity to acknowledge that it’s not her fault. That she couldn’t save him. He doesn’t blame her for it and he certainly doesn’t want her to die.]) He wants to keep his Betas safe. He stands in the parking lot waiting for them to test Lydia because he doesn’t want them to have to go through with killing her alone (and he only tries to kill her because she DOESN’T pass the test [although I admit it’s a dumb test] and because the kanima is KILLING people. More people have died and I don’t know how the fuck Derek manages to keep standing, let alone having such capacity for empathy and optimism and sarcasm after everything he’s dealt with. He’s constantly being hunted by hunters or humans, or fuck even Scott himself, since every time Scott gets upset he blames Derek for everything (I’m still fucking disgusted that he turned up at Derek’s place and accused him of murdering his own sister.) And STILL he shows up. No matter how many times he’s shoved away and ignored and yelled at. He shows up and he stands on the fringes and he waits for the chance to help.

And what’s creepy about that?