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How Far I'll Go - Chapter 3 (Nina West/Monet X Change) - Meggie, Mia Ugly

A/N: They aren’t REALLY writing an entire season of All Stars, are they?

Thanks to everyone who’s been reading/liking this so far, as well as the Branjie discord for being awesome on the daily. This is a long chapter, almost 10k, so settle in. The link to the original song will be posted later today; I wish I could say that was a joke but it isn’t.

Chapter Three - Heart ablaze, banners high

“Hey y’all. I’m here to show you how the West was won.”

Nina struts into the Werk Room, poses briefly with his hands on his hips before firing a round of bubbles into the air. The first thing he hears is “Bitch!” in Vanjie’s unmistakable voice. After he crosses the floor to meet the other queens, Vanjie is the first one to hug him.

“Yaaas!” Vanjie says with his arms around Nina’s neck. “Come through, girl.”

Nina introduces himself/has a small meltdown over the other queens. Asia O’Hara is perfection on legs, dressed in a very short, sexy caterpillar costume which shouldn’t work but does. Blair St. Clair has ditched the Broadway baby look for full-on seventies supermodel. Nina Bo’nina Brown is padded for the gods and serving I Dream of Jeannie realness. She and Vanjie are all over each other; Nina had forgotten how hilarious they are when they’re together. Also there, also sickening, is Shea Coulee (Nina resists the urge to immediately kiss the crown goodbye. This queen, this fucking queen).

The next through the doorway is Laganja Estranja (“Is it four-twenty up in hurrrrrr?” DEATH DROP) who hasn’t changed. At all. Following her is Ivyyyy Wiiinters who is - a lot hotter in person than Nina expected. He knows he should be strategizing already but he’s so overwhelmed and grateful to be back in the game that it’s hard not to feel anything but excited.

He needs to put himself inside the head of - someone like Brooke. Brooke would have clocked everyone’s weak spots by now, would be thinking about who he’d want on his team and who the first girl home was going to be. Nina - frankly hasn’t got a clue. It won’t be him though, it absolutely cannot be him.

The next queen to enter the room is - oh.

Lovely.

Miz Cracker. Fan favourite and smart as hell. Nina smiles at her, hoping that whatever happened at Drag Con was a one-off. Cracker looks past him like he’s wallpaper, even as she shrieks and laughs and hugs all the others.

Not good, Nina. He can already feel the weight of rejection on his chest. It’s stupid, problematic, and familiar. That need to be liked rises to the surface any time he feels insecure or out of his depth. Like now. Now is exactly that time, and it’s also the time he should care about making friends the least.

Head in the game, he tells himself. It’s not RuPaul’s best friends race.

There’s only one queen left to arrive. Nina watches Vanjie watching the doorway, waiting for the last entrance. Nina has a couple predictions in his mind, but nothing he’d feel confident betting money on.

And then -

“Oh bitch.” Vanjie exhales sharply. “Fuck.”

Because Brooke Lynn Hytes has strolled through the door, wrapped in black and red studded straps, reminiscent of his Orange Alert runway and the bondage fantasy from the finale. It’s full on dominatrix mode, right down to the black stilettos and riding crop in his hand. It’s a look and the bitch is turning it, but… God, Nina feels bad for Vanjie. Because apparently, even the happiest exes alive don’t share everything.

All the color is gone from Vanessa’s face.

“You didn’t… He didn’t tell me either,” Nina says softly, but he knows it isn’t enough. If this surprise hurts him this badly, he can only imagine what it feels like for Vanessa.

Vanjie shakes his head and studies the floor until Brooke makes his rounds to greet everyone. Brooke embraces Nina tightly (and okay, Nina loves him, is happy to see him) but pauses in front of Vanjie, as if unsure of what to do. Vanjie bristles a little before pulling himself upright and stretching his arms out to Brooke.

The cameras are on and they are both professionals.

They hug, but Nina can feel the tension between them, and wonders if the rest of the queens can as well.

It’s going to be an interesting season for sure.

He doesn’t have time to speak again, however, because the door opens and Ru’s voice rings through the Werk Room. “Hello, hello, hello!”

Everyone cheers, but Nina’s smile feels a bit false. He’s got to put this whole thing with Brooke and Vanjie to the side; he’s here for himself, not to be a supporting character in their story. Focus, Nina.

“Welcome to All Stars! My darlings!” Ru comes down the stairs, smiling. He’s dressed in a powder blue suit with tiny feathers printed on it and looks exactly like he did when Nina last saw him.

“When I look across this room at all your beautiful and familiar faces, only one word comes to mind: security!”

The camera crew moves in to catch the queens all laughing. It’s kind of scary how quickly you get used to it, the scurrying motion of people and technology like insects. Nina chuckles like he knows he’s supposed to, trying not to look at Brooke and Vanjie out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh.” Ru mimes getting a note in his ear piece. “You’re all supposed to be here? Even better! To recognize the charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent that got you past the metal detectors, I’m throwing the event of the season and your first maxi challenge: an All Star Talent Show Extravaganza!”

Nina knew this was coming. He’s ready for it.

“But - there’s one more thing.”

Nina feels Vanjie reach down and grab his hand, nails digging into his wrist. Ru makes a show of counting the girls up, and Nina’s heart fucking drops.

“Ten queens. That’s a nice even number, but - as it is All Stars Season five, I think we’ve got room for some more. Oh laaaadiiies!”

One of the side doors opens, and Vanjie starts murmuring, “no no no no,” under his breath. Nina doesn’t even have the time to imagine who might be coming in before - Chad Michaels? - steps through the door. He’s not in drag, looking ageless and wiry in a faded t-shirt and jeans.

“Hi Chad!” Ru exclaims, fake-surprised and delighted. “So nice to see you! Did you come alone?”

“Not since the Uber. Oh! You mean -” Chad glances back at the doorway. “I’m sorry, I tried to lose them.”

“Hiiiiiiiieeeee!” Alaska sticks his head out.

The queens around Nina lose their collective shit, jumping up and down, snapping and cheering. Alaska is followed by Trixie fucking Mattel (out of drag like the others, looking adorable in a vintage cowboy shirt and bolo tie. Nina might have tears in his eyes all of a sudden - but look away, it’s fine).

Clearly, the winners of previous seasons are back. Which means -

Fucking hell, don’t -

Shit.

Trinity the Tuck comes through - followed by Monet Goddamn X Change.

The room erupts in cheers. Nina immediately glances away, but he’s not fast enough to avoid the fact that Monet looks objectively -

Monet looks -

Great. Obviously. Smiling in his round teal glasses and a sweatshirt covered with roses (Nina always had a weakness for thick-rimmed glasses, it’s his tragic flaw, it doesn’t mean anything). He carefully keeps his focus on Vanessa, makes a ridiculous “O” of surprise with his mouth, instead of risking eye-contact with the handsomest man in the room (who was also probably the best sex Nina’s had in an unfortunate length of time and whose number he never called and -)

Enough, Nina. Do some mindful breathing or something.

Monet and Trinity play up the jealous sibling angle as they cross the floor, holding hands while getting into each other’s space and jostling for attention. They come to stand in a line up beside Ru, who looks them over.

“Y’all look different than I remember. What is it? Oh right, you’re old.”

There’s laughter but it’s a bit weak. Clearly none of the competing girls have any idea what’s going on. Nina doesn’t think Ru would throw five new queens into this season, but - worse things have happened. And the returning queens aren’t in drag. They look good, though - some of them look extremely good and… probably taste like mint and… Jesus Christ, get it together.

“For the first time in All Stars herstory, I thought I’d give you girls a little professional help. ‘Cause from where I’m standing, you need it.” Ru gestures to his returning queens. “Ladies, for this season, each of you will be matched with one of our reigning All Stars. Now, these All Stars are here to act as your mentors only; they will not be competing for the crown. And you will still be judged individually, regardless of how your other teammate performs. As always, All Stars rules do apply.”

Okay, okay, this situation is still salvageable. They’re here to act as mentors, Nina can handle that. She’s not going to have to go toe to toe against Monet in some sort of horrifying lip-sync. They aren’t going to be the Branjie of the season, led to the slaughter for ratings, laid bare at the reunion for the entire world to rub salt in the wounds. It’s okay.

“However. Mentors, if one of the queens on your team wins a lip-sync, you will receive a cash tip of five thousand dollars.”

Nina wonders how long is too long to look at Vanjie. It’s probably been too long already - he’ll look at Ru. There, that’s fine. Just keep your eyes somewhere - safe. And smile. Or don’t smile? What’s the appropriate reaction right now? Nina is missing pieces of this conversation.

“And if a queen from your team is the winner of All Stars Season Five, not only will she win one-hundred thousand dollahs and a spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame, but you will win a bonus prize of twenty-five thousand dollars. So choose your team wisely - cause some of y’all clearly need the money.” Ru eyes up Chad Michaels, who nods and gestures at his face.

“I won’t say no. All of this is about to expire.”

“Girl, we can tell,” Trinity shouts over at him.

“Oh, I just love these family get togethers!” Ru laughs and clasps his hands together as he studies them all. “But however shall we pick teams?” He presses a finger to his chin as he pretends to ponder the situation.

Nina’s stomach churns, but - Ru doesn’t know. No one knows. Unless -

“A draft!” Ru announces gleefully. “That’s something from sports, I think. Nina West, you know about sports right?” Ru makes a broad-shouldered motion with his hands, and Nina smiles tightly.

“Ask me anything at all about locker rooms.”

“Come find me on the break,” Ru says very seriously. “Now, mentors - each of you will get to choose one queen for your team twice. I think it’s only fair to go in order.”

There’s bickering between the mentors - Trinity and Monet are of course pressed that they’ll have last pick - but Trinity eventually relents, after Monet reminds her that age should come before beauty.

Nina steels himself as the draft starts. He’s never been the kid that gets picked first for anything, and it’s hard not to immediately go back to that middle school shame-place that still lives somewhere in his lizard brain. He just hopes he isn’t picked last. And deep, deep down, he kind of hopes that Trixie chooses him. They’re similar, he’s always thought. Campy, musically inclined. He’d love to learn from her, really pick her brain, score a guest appearance on UNHhhh, where he’d sit with her and Katya and they’d all be best friends and - that’s enough.

Chad makes a show of looking the queens over before he makes his selection and it’s so obvious. “Brooke Lynn Hytes,” he announces with a grin. Of course Brooke’s first.

Brooke claps and smiles, but Nina doesn’t miss the way Vanessa’s eyes roll back in his head. Honestly? He feels kind of the same way.

Alaska chooses Nina Bo’nina which makes total sense. They’re both quirky queens who are all about their brand, and it feels like a good fit.

Trixie’s pick is next. Nina feels himself straighten involuntarily, but Trixie barely hesitates before she trills, “It’s time for Crackerrrrrr!” and holds out her arms to the smaller man.

So that’s - that.

There’s the next round, of course, but does Nina really want to be on a team with a queen that hates him for no apparent reason? He sighs, the tension in his shoulders building. It’s going to be Grade Six kickball all over again.

The Tuck chooses Blair (also not surprising). Then it’s Monet’s turn, and, oh God, he’s looking past Nina, which is… Probably for the best. Definitely. Definitely probably for the best.

Then Monet’s eyes narrow behind his glasses. He crosses his arms over his chest, purses his lips together (and Jesus, what Nina remembers about those lips on his own and wrapped around his - not the time).

“Nina West.”

Nina’s head snaps up. He doesn’t move because - surely this is a joke. But Monet is standing there in front of him, the most neutral expression on his face, watching him.

“That’s you, girl,” Vanjie whispers beside him.

Nina nods. Nods again. He got chosen before Vanjie? In what alternate universe is this All Stars season happening?

He plasters a smile across his lips and walks forward, embraces Monet, plants air kisses on both of his cheeks. (His skin tingles where their faces brush. He should have called. At the very least texted.)

The draft starts from the beginning again while Nina awkwardly frets over what to do with his hands. Chad chooses Shea Coulee (clearly), and Alaska chooses Laganja, which is… Well, it’s a choice, certainly, but Nina believes in giving people second (and third and twentieth, most of the time) chances. Then it’s Trixie Mattel’s turn and she doesn’t pause a second before calling out, “Miss Vaaanjie.”

Nina isn’t jealous. Genuinely, he isn’t. The look on Vanjie’s face when Trixie calls his name is like the opposite of jealousy. Nina can’t help but glance over at Brooke to see if he notices it too (he does. Nina can tell. Brooke thinks he’s being cool but the way his eyes shift when Vanjie smiles is just - it’s kind of sad. And kind of obvious. And it makes Nina wonder why he ever thought he had a chance with this blonde goddess when - the way Brooke looks at Vanjie is something completely different).

Monet hassles Trinity into letting him pick next and is practically vibrating with excitement over drafting Asia O’Hara for his team. Which leaves Ivy Winters, who does not look pressed at all about being chosen last and bounds over to join Trinity and Blair.

“All right ladies. Now you’ll have time to meet with your mentors and plan your act. And tomorrow night, you’ll perform in front of a full house in my All Star Extravagaaaanza! Gentlemen, start your engines. And may the best All Star… win!”

* * *

“Okay, Team X Change. I’mma call you the X-Queens, what do you think? The Tuck is calling her girls ‘The Holy Trinity,’ and we can do better than that.”

Monet has pulled a chair over to Asia and Nina’s stations, which they’ve set up beside each other. Nina is trying to be the least embarrassing version of himself possible. He might regret bringing bubble guns.

“Obviously, I’m Professor X.” Monet gestures to his bald head. “You can be Storm,” he says to Asia (who seems extremely happy about that, and justifiably so). “And you -” He looks at Nina, who swallows anxiously.

“Wolverine?” he manages, and Monet laughs.

“Girl. Nah, you’re a Jean Grey. Just use those powers for good, okay? Don’t want no Dark Phoenix up in here.” Monet smiles but the smile is a bit forced, charming only on the surface. Underneath it, there’s something else. “So what you all thinking for this challenge? I got money on the line, remember that.”

Cool, flawless, beautiful Asia laughs, but Nina’s laugh doesn’t quite squeak out of his throat.

“I’m just going to lip-sync,” Asia says. “What I do best.”

Monet nods. “Yes, I live. I’ve seen you girl. What about you, Nina West?”

Nina was counting on this challenge coming up at some point in the season. He’s got an idea but - he’s not sure how well received it will be.

“I was thinking of maybe doing… magic?”

Asia stares at him.

“Like last season we did a magic show. And I thought -”

“Like real magic?” Asia asks, dubiously. “With wands and shit?”

“Girl! She’s not a fucking wizard.” Monet laughs. “Well, that sounds - unique. That’s something I want to see. You going to cut someone in half or something?”

“Maybe. Depends if I can find a saw.”

“And we already know you can make yourself disappear, so -” Monet stops. He meets Nina’s eyes with a sudden look of panic - but the look is gone just as quickly. So quickly Nina thinks maybe he imagined it, because Monet’s smiling widely again, poised and professional. “So we’ve got a plan. Good job team, mentoring done. Cut the cheque!”

They spend a bit of time talking about Asia’s dance number before splitting up so that Nina can practice a couple of the tricks he’s learned since Season 11. He was feeling pretty confident about it initially, but now that he’s surrounded by some of the most talented queens working today, he’s wondering if it’s too little. Or too much?

Fuck it. He puts on shows for a living, it’s what he does. The judges were in love with his magician character last season. He just has to build on it. And - no shade, of course - but at least he isn’t lip-syncing and dancing to his own single like ninety percent of the other queens seem to be planning. A magic show will stand out. In… some kind of way.

They break for lunch a bit later, lining up at the craft services table. Nina checks in with Vanjie and also tries not to ask too many questions about what Trixie Mattel is like in real life. He was worried he might start fangirling like an idiot when he saw her, but as soon as they called for a break, Trixie made a very intense sounding call on her cell phone (which apparently the mentors get to keep on them) and disappeared.

“She’s good,” Vanjie tells Nina as they eat some sort of lettuce wraps that keep falling apart in their hands. “Though just you try to get her off her phone. She on that grind twenty-four seven, maybe. How’s Monet?”

Um. (Really cute. And sweet. And an astonishing kisser, Nina’s feeling a bit dizzy just thinking about it.)

“Great,” he says.

Vanjie gives him a look.

“That sounded fake as hell.” For all that Vanessa is a terrible actor, he’s pretty good at clocking lies in other people. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Nina stammers. “He’s - it’s great.”

“Why you being all weird and shit? You talking ‘bout him like he’s a snack cracker. It’s great! Kids love it!” Vanjie does his best cool dad impression, and Nina almost chokes on his wrap.

“Oh my God, please stop with that voice.”

“There’s nothing wrong with this voice, ho. I’m -” But before he can say anything else, Brooke comes into the break room. Every muscle in Vanjie’s body seems to stiffen. Nina watches it out of the corner of his eye, a slow tightening of Vanjie’s arms, straightening of his back. Defenses going up.

“I - I gotta have words with your girl,” he says softly. “Catch you later.”

Nina watches him cross the floor to Brooke, watches Brooke’s face go through a weird and painful series of expressions as Vanjie gets closer (hopefearlustlonging).

Those two idiots, Nina thinks, and the thought is so loud in his head that it should basically be telepathy (is that a Jean Grey thing? Or is that telekinesis? It’s been years since Nina dug out his old comic books).

As he scans the room, he accidentally makes eye contact with Monet.

Shit. Abort, abort. Look anywhere else. Pretend that you’ve gone blind.

It’s too late, however, because Monet is nodding at him. Smiling. And oh fuck, oh God, he’s coming over.

“Hey,” he says, leaning against the wall beside Nina (who has suddenly forgotten how to eat, is just moving his wrap around on his plate as it falls to pieces). “Can’t wait to see your show tomorrow. Magic!”

He does an impression of Nina’s ridiculous catchphrase, and Nina laughs awkwardly. Nina is doing too many things awkwardly right now; pick another adverb, Mary.

“Feel good to be back?”

“Still, um, getting used to it. But yes.” Just fucking say it, just - get it over with before there are cameras on them again. “Listen, about - that night. The - uh, finale -”

“Girl.” Monet holds up a hand, stopping him from saying anything more. “I get it. I ain’t pressed about it. So just put that outta your head, okay? We’re cool.”

And Nina might be imagining it, but Monet seems - a bit redder than usual. The edge of his cheekbones, the tips of his ears.

Nina looks away.

“Just you focus on the crown, right?” Monet continues quietly. “It’s yours if you want it. I know what you can do.”

The quietness is - unusual. For him. Nina knows Monet as this commanding presence at the centre of every crowd, able to hold court in a packed bar, able to revive a dying audience with a wave of his hand. The weird fragility is a side Nina hasn’t seen before, and he has no idea what to say in response. Silence stretches between them.

And then Cracker runs across the room and throws herself into Monet’s arms.

“Cracks!” Monet cheers. “How you doing?”

“So much for friendship, dick,” Miz Cracker says with a smile as she hugs Monet. “I thought you’d want me on your team for sure!”

“It ain’t my fault Miss Trixie scooped you up, though I can’t blame her.”

“Well, you should have won an earlier season!” Cracker responds with a smack to Monet’s arm. She glances at Nina, looks him up and down with cold brown eyes. “Then you wouldn’t have gotten - stuck with the questionable choices.”

Nina takes a step away, and then another. Pulls a Miss Vanjie, walks backwards until he’s not so up in Monet’s personal space, and Cracker’s weird hostility. Neither of them are distractions he can afford right now. Monet said they were cool. So they’re cool, right? And whatever Cracker’s problem is, Nina’s got to put it out of his head.

He tries. As he rehearses his act on the main stage, he tries. But Cracker is there, too, just out of the corner of his eye. Her head is bent low, talking quietly and intensely with Monet, who looks… Annoyed? Maybe? It could be wishful thinking.

That night, he and Brooke eat cold pizza in Nina’s room (the door is open at the P.A.’s insistence, and Nina feels a bit like a teenager, but whatever).

“You should have told him,” Nina says and Brooke doesn’t even have to ask what they’re talking about. He nods.

“I literally couldn’t.” He repeats Nina’s own words back to him. “If he knew - everyone would know. The moment I stepped into the Werk Room. He’s - both of us are - not the greatest actors.”

“Hmm, not the greatest, bit of an overestimation -”

“Fuck off. You know it’d be obvious as hell. And - I didn’t even think I’d say yes. I kept thinking - but then after the finale, when they asked -”

“So why did you? Say yes. They’re going to make this the Branjie story again, right? Of course they will. Is that what you want?”

“No. I mean - I don’t know.” Brooke pauses. Sighs. “I guess I just felt like I couldn’t say no. He’s fucking furious, by the way.”

“I’m sure he is.” On some level - Nina gets it. He’s glad Brooke’s got another chance, of course he is. Brooke’s perfection and he deserves it. But it’s hard for Nina not to feel like he doesn’t stand a chance with Brooke in the mix. Brooke almost won last time. That last lip sync was so close, it could have been either of them. (Nina might have a theory as to why it wasn’t Brooke, and the fact that Brooke’s sitting across from him in the hotel with Vanessa a few doors down is doing a lot to confirm it.)

“So you said yes because you felt like you had to,” Nina says slowly, “but you already knew Vanjie was coming. You knew I was coming.” (Though Nina doubts that would have affected Brooke’s decision at all.) “Why didn’t you tell them you’d come for the next season?”

Brooke tosses his pizza crust onto the paper plate on the bed and shrugs. “You never know if you’re going to get next season. If I’d said no, they could have written me off, or—”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’re golden. They love you.” He normally isn’t this firm, not with Brooke, but Brooke also isn’t usually this avoidant of the truth. And Nina knows he isn’t getting the truth from the man sitting across from him. It bothers him. He’s good at reading people, great at reading Brooke after a decade-long friendship, but there’s been a boundary up ever since the season ended. Really - ever since he broke things off with Vanjie.

Nina might have been too firm, because Brooke lowers his eyes and shrugs. Starts to shut down. So Nina tries a softer approach.

“Why are you really here, Brooke?”

“Maybe - I’m just tired of always being the first runner-up. Never being enough,” Brooke finally says, and there’s pain there; a real, raw ache that is palpable from the timbre of his voice. “I won Continental and then…” He shakes his head. “First runner up. Always. Almost, but never quite - I just… I thought maybe on All Stars I could…” Brooke meets Nina’s eyes again, gives him a self-deprecating smile. “Show them I’m enough.”

For God’s sake. Nina hugs him, pulls him tight to his chest. “You’ve always been enough for me.”

“Thanks.” Brooke sniffles.

“But, and I need you to hear me very clearly,” Nina says, “even though I love you, you’re going to have to work, bitch. Because I fully plan on sending your ass back to Canada the first chance I get.”

Brooke throws back his head and laughs. “Just try it.”

“Oh, I’ll do more than try. I’m taking the crown this season.”

“Not so congenial anymore.” Brooke is still laughing, so Nina laughs too. And just for a moment, with the cold pizza and laughter between them, he could almost forget that they’re back at Drag Race, back in the (second) most important competition of both of their lives.

That night, when Nina lies in bed with his headphones in - listening to the potential lip-sync song for the next day, not that he’s counting his chickens or anything - he feels like maybe he can do this. Maybe he should be here, even in the presence of all this greatness. Even if - even around - someone like Monet.

(“If I’m shining everybody gonna shine,” Lizzo sings in his ear, and Nina closes his eyes tight. Hopes that he can be shiny enough to stay.)

* * *

The mentors aren’t in the Werk Room the next day, but they’re going to be in the audience at the show. That’s - maybe for the best. For all that he tells himself to focus, Nina is still acutely aware of where Monet is in the room, and it’s - unsettling. He doesn’t need that weird sixth sense distracting him right now. (He’s pretty sure that isn’t a Jean Grey thing.)

He paints in the mirror between Asia and Brooke, only half listening as Laganja and Vanjie’s conversation gradually gets louder and more snarly. There’s something off about Vanessa today. It’s clearly nerves and Nina kind of wishes he could go over there and hug him, but he’s not going to step between Vanjie and Laganja and risk getting an acrylic to the eye.

Nina takes in a few deep breaths, blocks them out, focuses on blending his eyeshadow. Purples into pinks. Pinks into whites. Black liner wings. Thick. Thicker. Thickest.

Then it’s frighteningly quiet all of a sudden, and Brooke is gone from his side.

He shifts his focus in the mirror and sees Brooke holding tightly to Vanessa’s shoulders, speaking quiet words to him. And while Vanjie still looks pressed, still shoots death glares across the room where Laganja has stormed away (and is, naturally, still talking), he isn’t vibrating with rage anymore.

“So use it,” he hears Brooke say softly. “Channel it. Win.”

And Vanjie nods, shrugs out of the hug Brooke tries to pull him into, and walks straight out of the Werk Room.

Brooke returns to the mirror at Nina’s side and heaves a long sigh.

“All good?” Nina asks, gluing on his lashes.

“Sure,” Brooke says with a smile that seems a little forced. “All good.”

When they’re finished painting, the P.A.s come by to grab them, take them to the main stage. Nina is the ninth act up, and so he gets to sit with the audience in the meantime. The mentors are there as well, in full awards-show drag, and it - only knocks him one step backwards when he sees Monet in black sequins. Sheer panels down each side. Purple lipstick.

“Hello, my X-Queens.” Monet smiles broadly as Nina and Asia walk past to find their seats. “Asia, look at you girl! Stunning. And Miss Nina West -”

Nina flinches a bit, not knowing what to expect. He’s going for campy, not glamourous, and compared to Asia - or Monet - well, there’s no comparison. None.

“Gorgeous,” Monet says simply, smile turning soft.

Nina swallows. “You too,” he chokes out through a throat that is suddenly completely dry, the Sahara Desert. He sounds more like Harvey Fierstein than he did during Snatch Game.

Abort, abort. Nina gets away as fast as he can, grabs an empty seat without really caring if it’s his.

“You okay?” Asia asks him, and Nina nods, doesn’t dare try to speak again. He’ll grab some water before his act.

A second later, Vanessa slams into the seat beside Nina, legs folded and arms crossed. Nina gives him an anxious look and decides to risk it.

“What’s going on with you and Laganja?”

Vanjie just blinks his eyelashes.

“Bitch is just running her mouth about shit that don’t concern her, like who gets to come back and when. Shit like that.”

“Oh.” Nina thinks back to Brooke’s hands onVanjie’s shoulders, voice quiet and intent. “Are you all right?”

He hears Vanjie take a deep breath. Sees his chest rise and fall in his peripheral vision.

“I’m gonna use it.” He casts a pressed look over at Nina, pursing his lips. “But don’t tell that blonde bitch I said any of this.”

Which one? Nina wants to ask. Brooke or Laganja?

“Never,” Nina swears, and then the rest of the queens file in beside them and the show begins.

Blair St. Clair is up first, singing. She struts slowly toward the standing microphone in the middle of the stage, dressed like a sixties songstress. As the torch-song instrumental track kicks in, Blair looks up and catches Nina’s eye.

And starts to sing:

“This is awwwwkward.

He’s seen you naked, now you’re on TV.

I’m pretty sure the other queens can see

How obvious you’re being,

Nina…”

Nina - cannot be hearing this right. He looks at Asia and Vanjie beside him, but neither one of them seem to think anything is weird about Blair’s song.

“This is awwwwkward.

You have to work together on this show

Now it’s a countdown ‘til the judges know

That you got drunk and made it awkward…”

Someone has turned on a disco ball, and the stage is covered with spinning flecks of mirrored light. The music picks up, beat growing harder.

“You can’t blame tequila for this.

Blame it all on a kiss.

Blame the night, the mood

The way you were feeling….

You can’t say it was a mistake

Cuz girl I see your hand shake

When you push it down inside you

Though you try you cannot fight the -”

At this point, Blair stretches out her arm, fully pointing at Nina in the crowd, while she takes the melody up an octave.

“Awwwwkward

You thought you left it in the past somewhere

But good God girl don’t let him see you stare

Nina West I swear

You’ll make it awwwkward…”

People are clapping, but Nina hears it coming from another room, as if there are walls between him and the rest of the audience. That couldn’t have been - that wasn’t -

“She kinda all over the place, huh?” Asia whispers to him

Nina has momentarily forgotten how to speak. He tries to clear his throat.

“What was… Um. Her song was called what again?”

Asia laughs. “Girl, I don’t even know. ‘Heathered’ or ‘Flickered.’ Some shit like that. Why, you wanna buy it on iTunes?”

“Not, um. Not ‘Awkward’?” Because he knows what he heard. A song directed right at him. Because his instincts were right and everyone knows what happened the night of the finale.

“No.” Asia narrows her eyes. “Though that could probably be a song about her career since Season Ten. Oh, bitch - ‘Ganja’s act’s up.”

It’s… An act. It’s supposed to be some kind of lyrical dance piece, and Nina knows that Laganja is an incredible dancer, but this is… Well. Not great, to be honest. It’s an excellent distraction from his incoming panic attack, and Nina almost sighs in relief. He can at least do better than this number, if nothing else.

Nina Bo’nina Brown shocks the hell out of everyone when she produces a silver flute from underneath a caftan and skillfully plays a rendition of Sissy That Walk. Ru looks impressed, if maybe a little bored. Nina tries not to bite off his acrylics.

The real wildcard is Ivy because everyone remembers her stilts and everyone remembers her voice, and if it were Nina, he’d sing an aria while parading around on stilts because hey. Work what you’ve got.

But instead they cut almost all the lights, and Ivy performs a shadow puppetry show full of jokes that Nina’s sure he could process if only he wasn’t so damn nervous.

Shea lip-syncs, and fucking slays it just like Nina knew she would. There are three reveals, if he’s counting right. Vanjie’s fingers have gradually tightened around Nina’s wrist, and by the time Shea’s act is over and Vanessa is up, Nina’s fairly certain he has bruises.

Vanjie stands, straightens his silver beaded gown, and sucks in a deep breath. Then Brooke leans forward and fixes a strand of fringe that’s snagged on Vanessa’s pantyhose. Vanjie jerks away like he’s been scalded.

“Break a leg,” Brooke says softly, trying his hardest not to look hurt by the reaction.

Vanjie nods and sets his jaw before marching backstage.

Nina shakes his head, focuses on his own routine instead of the drama playing out in front of him.

Whatever’s happening between Vanessa and Laganja, whatever’s happening between him and Brooke, Vanjie absolutely channels it. Nina can’t remember how many times he’s seen Vanjie perform, but this is unparalleled. It’s like lightning set loose on the stage. He’s a whirlwind of silver beads, white feathers, peach hair, spinning-melding-mixing to the throbbing bass of a Lorde song Nina’s heard but can’t place. Despite his nerves, Nina can’t turn away. Behind him, Brooke is steadily tearing his copy of the lineup into confetti.

That’s a legitimate fucking All Star.

Asia dances the house down, then Miz Cracker has Ru and Michelle hanging onto each other and crying from her standup. Whatever weirdness is going on between Nina and Cracker is beside the point. The bitch is hilarious and that could be a problem for him.

He knows there are acting challenges to come (All Stars is infamous for them), and it would be nice to have Cracker on his side. Whatever this rift is, he needs to mend it and quickly.

So when Cracker comes off stage, Nina reaches for her hand and congratulates her. “You were great!” he says with enthusiasm.

Cracker gives him a terse smile, flips her hair, and takes her seat next to Blair. Nina guesses a terse smile is better than a look of pure vitriol. Progress. Progress is good.

Blair… Blair’s been crying quietly ever since she came off stage. Apparently she’s very upset with her number. To be honest, Nina’s pretty upset with her number also. He knows what he heard. What he can’t figure out is why no one else seems at all shocked about it. (Okay, so maybe Nina might be hallucinating. What’s a bit of light hallucination between friends?)

A couple of P.A.s set up Nina’s props for him while the cameras are resetting. He feels himself spiraling, but shakes his head, refusing to be rattled. He tries to focus on his character, on the challenge that he’s about to fucking slay. He tries to focus on the crown.

But as he walks out onto the stage, blinking at first against the lights, the only thing he can see is the corner of Monet’s mouth, lips curling as he says “Gorgeous,” eyes warm and intent like - like he means it (which he doesn’t, which he can’t, which -)

“Ladies and gentlemen and gentlemen and ladies and gentlemen!” Nina greets the audience.

He takes a breath -

- and by the time he exhales the act is over. He’s walking off stage, hands trembling with adrenaline.

They laughed, right? He’s pretty sure they laughed. Did Ru laugh? He might have. Nina can’t remember most of it.

As he moves on autopilot back to his seat, some of the other queens congratulate him. It couldn’t have been a complete disaster then? He catches Monet’s eye, and Monet smiles. (Nina feels that smile like electricity, running through his nervous system and lighting it up like a Christmas tree.)

Stop it.

Vanjie squeezes his arm when he sits back down. He’s beaming.

“Bitch, it’s over. That’s the show, sis. Cut the cheque.”

“I - really? Thank you, I mean. Really?”

“Don’t be all modest and shit, you must’ve heard the judges laughing. Thought Ru was gonna die, I’m serious. Trixie probably already dialing 9-1-1. Bitch is on that phone enough.”

Nina has no idea what Vanjie’s talking about, but he hopes to God it’s true. Especially because Brooke’s up next, the final act of the evening. (In all honesty, the one that everyone has probably been waiting for.)

The Canadian has gone full Black Swan for this performance, right down to the black feathered pointe shoes and jagged wings that look like they’re protruding out of his skin. As Brooke starts to dance, Nina hears Vanjie swallow.

Sees him look away, turn his head slightly to the left (it’s like the sun, maybe. You’re not supposed to look at it directly or it will blind you).

Brooke’s beautiful and vicious and fatal on stage, and Nina’s pretty sure Vanjie is holding his breath. His hands are clenched together in his lap, knuckles turning white. Nina still feels the ache of Brooke’s beauty sometimes. It comes and goes, especially when he’s been drinking. He imagines that it always will.

He reaches out, puts his hand over top of Vanjie’s. Vanjie flinches in surprise. Then he lets out a quiet breath, and Brooke finishes his routine, falling gracefully to his knees.

Perfect. Flawless. Everyone else here is completely fucked.

“Meh,” Nina whispers in Vanjie’s ear, maybe to reassure himself just as much as Vanessa. Maybe.

But it makes Vanjie laugh just the tiniest bit, and it settles Nina’s stomach, and it’s the least he can do for now.

* * *

He’s lost track of how long they’ve been standing on the runway, but he knows his feet are numb, and he doesn’t think Monet has blinked once. He’s just… looking at him. At all the queens, probably. Clearly.

Shea, Ivy, Asia, and Miz Cracker are all declared safe and sent back to the Werk Room. Nina’s heart sinks a little. He wanted to think he was in the top if Vanjie’s glowing comments meant anything, but he isn’t sure he was better than Cracker. That’s terrifying because if she’s safe that means Nina’s… potentially… not.

But there’s Monet again, smiling at him from the audience. Nina takes a deep breath and prepares himself for the critiques.

“Ladies,” Ru says. “You represent the tops and the bottoms of the week. Now for the judges’ critiques. We’ll start with Nina Bo’nina Brown.”

Michelle says it fell flat. Ru says it was flat. Ross loves everybody and finds the silver lining (literally - Nina’s wearing a pink gown with silver lining). Either way, they aren’t impressed. Nina West relaxes a little.

They gush over Vanessa, and they should. Ross says it’s some of the best work he’s ever seen from him. Ru agrees. Michelle says she’s just so happy to see a dress and not a bikini and cape. And, oh yeah, she tacks on, the dancing wasn’t bad either. Passionate, fiery. This is the Vanjie they wanted all last season and didn’t quite get. (To Nina’s left, Brooke ducks his head, accepts the blame silently.)

Laganja’s critique is the opposite of Vanjie’s. The judges are confused to put it lightly… Offended if they’re being honest. And of course Laganja can’t keep her mouth shut.

“I guess I just don’t understand why some people are getting third and fourth and fifth chances while the rest of us are up here working our asses off–”

“Ain’t none of us getting fourth chances, Mary,” Vanjie interjects, and Nina prays he keeps his cool because after a critique like his, the challenge is as good as won.

“I’m just saying that this is your third season in a row, and it might be oversaturation.” Laganja shrugs.

“That’s a big word,” Vanessa retorts. “Where’d you learn that word?”

“Vanj…” Brooke says quietly, which is maybe the worst possible thing that can happen.

“Don’t.” Vanessa’s voice is low, threatening. “I need you to not talk to me right now.”

Brooke physically wilts, collapses in on himself. Nina focuses on the spot on the wall just above Michelle’s head.

“Moving on,” Ru says and diplomatically ends the conversation. “Nina West!”

“So glad to have you back, Nina.” Michelle smiles (she smiles!) “You are still a delight.”

Nina could melt into the stage. Could just become a puddle of vaguely Nina-shaped goo and it would be okay because Michelle is beaming at him, praising him for his newly acquired magic skills, and Ru is nodding along.

“I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in years,” Ru admits. “You really can tell that you’ve taken our critiques from last season and applied them. It absolutely shows.”

Ross also has kind words (when doesn’t he?), but Nina’s lost in the high of hearing Michelle and Ru praise him, lost in the feeling of success.

They move on to Brooke, whose black eyeliner has run just a little. You could hardly tell from the way he’s holding himself upright, one leg behind the other, perfectly poised. Perfectly Brooke. Perfectly perfect. With the exception of that one streak of eyeliner, a single tear track down his face that he quickly wipes away.

The judges don’t seem to notice, praise instead his going out of his comfort zone, the grittier performance of his Black Swan instead of the grace he was known for on Season 11. Nina guesses they’re right; Brooke seemed to let go on stage, throw himself more into the performance. It was still flawless, every move calculated and textbook, but there was more emotion behind those grey eyes today than Nina thinks he’s ever seen from Brooke on stage.

Brooke thanks them, bows his head demurely, clasps his hands in front of his body.

Then they come to Blair.

“Oh, Blair.” Michelle shakes her head. “It was just a mess.”

Blair nods. Blair nods through most of it. Nina tries to listen, but still can’t reconcile the fact that apparently the entire room heard something completely different than what he did.

“I know I let you all down,” Blair says through tears. “And I’m really sorry. I promise I’ll do better.”

Ru smiles, but it’s tense and forced. “Based on the judges’ critiques,” he says, looking up and down the line, “I’ve made some decisions.”

Nina’s heart is in his throat. He can’t breathe, can’t focus, can’t keep himself upright.

“Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Nina West: you are the top two All Stars of the week.”

Nina’s heart bursts. Actual sparks are shooting from his chest (okay, not actual, but you couldn’t prove it by the warmth that radiates through him). He ventures a look out towards the mentors and sees Trixie and Monet on their feet high-fiving each other. And Monet’s looking at him and smiling, smiling, smiling.

Down the line, Vanessa is laughing. His hands are clasped together in front of his chest and his head is thrown back like he’s praying, but he’s laughing.

“You’ve each won a seven-night stay at the Atlantis Hotel in Nassau Paradise Beach, Bahamas,” Ru says, and Nina almost faints. “Nina Bo’nina Brown, Brooke Lynn Hytes: you are both safe.”

Nina hears Brooke exhale before he lifts his head and smiles up at the judges.

“That means Laganja Estranja and Blair St. Clair: I’m sorry, but you are in the bottom two.”

Blair cries even harder, and Nina kind of wants to hug her.

“Vanjie and Nina,” Ru continues, and oh shit, Nina might have forgotten this part of winning in All Stars. “Each of you needs to decide which one of the bottom two you will eliminate if you win the lip-sync.”

Nina’s heart is in his throat. He’s got to send one of his sisters home.

“While you deliberate backstage, the judges and I will… perform trust falls.”

It gets a laugh, but when they all file into the backstage lounge, Nina realizes he’s shaking. A couple of the girls grab cocktails (not Vanjie or Brooke) but Nina doesn’t need anything affecting his focus right now. He feels simultaneously sick and elated. Also a bit worried this might all be the result of a head injury or something. Maybe he tripped and fell on the very first day, and everything from then on has just been in his mind. It would explain whatever the hell happened with Blair’s performance.

“Congrats Top Two!” Asia raises her glass at Nina. “X-Queens represent. How you feel girls?”

The producers have been very clear that they’re supposed to talk this whole thing over, but Nina is having trouble finding the words. Vanjie’s quiet too, and he catches Nina’s eye from across the room, gives him a small smile.

“It’s good, you know. First challenge win, right. It’s gotta feel good.”

Brooke’s watching him, silent, with eyes that are so soft.

“Congratulations Vanjie,” Nina says the thing that Brooke would clearly say if his nerves would let him. “You deserve it.”

“So how are you going to decide?” Nina Bo’nina asks. “Every year they ask that, you gonna follow some rules or -”

“Hell no.” Vanjie cuts her off. “I don’t think that’s somethin’ that works out. You gotta listen to the judges but also - listen to yourself, right? I ain’t gonna just lay it all out now -”

“So I guess that means I’m fucking going home.” Laganja’s voice is shrill and sudden, and she stomps away from the group, heading towards the mirrors.

“No,” Vanessa calls after her. “I ain’t saying that, bitch. Listen -”

“Well you’ve already made your mind up!” Laganja shouts back. “So fuck me, right?”

Nina wants to make himself as small as possible. He knows that his eyes are probably wide, and his smile is probably crooked.

“No one is saying that, Laganja!” Shea doesn’t turn her head, but says it loud enough to be heard across the room.

“Yeah fucking right!” Laganja screams back, and Nina is - above all, a ‘nice’ person, and he’s not going to keep a conversation going like this, so -

He takes a deep breath and crosses the room to go talk to her.

They end up sitting in a corner somewhere that a P.A. has set up big velveteen chairs specifically for the purposes of these conversations. Laganja isn’t crying but her eyes are watery, and Nina can’t help but feel sympathy.

“Listen,” he says, because that is a respectable way to start a conversation. “I think you’re a great performer, I think you deserve to be here.”

Laganja sniffles miserably.

“We don’t have to talk about anything, but I wanted to - if you wanted to - give you a chance -” To what, Nina? “State your case. Or make an argument. Whatever you like.”

Laganja looks up at her.

“Or we can just sit in awkward silence, that’s fine too,” Nina says with a shrug. “I did attend a lot of waspy family dinners in the Midwest. At this point, I have a PhD in awkward silences.”

Laganja - actually smiles at this. Then she sighs.

“It’s sweet that you think you’re going to win.”

Oh.

Okay.

After that, the conversation dies a pretty natural death. Nina doesn’t know what else to say. She wishes Laganja luck, and then Laganja straight up refuses to talk to Vanjie. Fine. She’s making her choices.

Blair cries through most of her time with Nina (which is too bad because Nina is trying to figure out the least alarming way of asking her what the hell she sang about). Nina doesn’t know if Vanjie talks to Blair, but - really, it probably doesn’t matter. Maybe Laganja will be ready for a later season of All Stars (hopefully her edit will be kind) but she’s clearly not there yet. Even though she was kind of the worst, Nina almost feels bad for her. She’s talented, she just needs to get out of her own way.

They film him and Vanjie as they pick out their lipsticks. Nina plays up the conflict, but he can’t imagine it’s a huge choice for either of them. He smiles at Vanjie, squeezes his hand as they prepare to go back on stage with the rest of the queens.

The lights feel brighter than they were before. Nina hasn’t been this nervous since the last time he stood on stage waiting to lip-sync against Silky. It doesn’t make any sense when he thinks about it, because the stakes were so much higher that time. He knows he’s safe this time around, knows he’s coming back for another week regardless of how this whole thing with Vanjie plays out. The $10,000 would be nice, but is it worth it to have to send someone home Week One?

Fuck it. He wants the validation. Wants to prove that he is a good lip-syncer. Wants to shove aside all the shame that still burns hot in his belly when he thinks about giving his everything to stay on this stage and having it not be enough.

Production stops him and Vanjie just behind the stage and lets the other girls get into position before they walk onto the runway. Vanessa takes the opportunity to turn to Nina and pull him into a hug.

“However this goes, girl,” he says into Nina’s shoulder, “there ain’t no one else I’d have wanted to share this win with.”

“Same.” Nina breathes a shaky sigh into Vanessa’s hair.

Then production waves them in and they walk down the runway side-by-side. Nina blocks everything else out, tries not to see the other girls (especially Laganja and Blair, who stand to the right of the stage, barely visible in the lighting.) Nina doesn’t risk a glance at the mentors. He can’t handle seeing Monet and that perfect Goddamn smile right now.

Nina holds his head up high, focuses on Ru, runs the lyrics over and over in his head.

“Welcome back, ladies,” Ru says quietly. His entire demeanor is different now that it’s time to send the first queen home. “Two top All Stars stand before me. Ladies, this is your chance to impress me, win ten thousand dollars, and earn the power to give one of the bottom queens the chop. The time has come for you to lip-sync for your legacy. Good luck, and don’t fuck it up.”

The lights flash (Nina knows they will make this look far more dramatic on TV than it does on the stage, but it doesn’t help settle his stomach any) and the feel-good, pop beat of Lizzo’s “Juice” blares through the speakers.

Nina – goes insular. Doesn’t focus on Vanjie, doesn’t focus on anything other than the words of the song, the rhythm, the moves he’s making. Spin here. Dip there. Prance across the stage and pose. Hip rolls.

He couldn’t tell you what Vanessa’s doing, not until they reach the bridge, when Vanjie grabs his shoulder and points at the back of the stage to Brooke Lynn.

It takes a minute, then Nina realizes what part of the song they’re on.

“Somebody come get this man

I think he got lost in my DMs, what? My DMs, what?

You better come get your man

I think he wanna be way more than friends, what?

More than friends

What you want me to say?”

Nina shrugs, so Vanjie waves him off and they finish the song together, egging each other on through the last chorus until Vanessa ends with a triumphant death drop.

RuPaul, Michelle, and Ross are clapping and laughing, and it’s the exact opposite of the “meh” Nina got the last time he finished a lip-sync. He feels like he could fly. The mentors are on their feet, applauding, and there in the center is Monet, nodding and looking at him with eyes that are far too beautiful and soft.

Nina makes himself look away, looks at Ru, at the judges’ panel. There’s a brief camera break while production hands back their lipsticks and they secure them deep in their outfits. Vanessa opts for his bra; Nina goes with the sleeve of his leotard.

Once Ru is given the cue, he clears his throat. He looks them both over for a moment. And then:

“Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, you’re a winner, baby. You’ve earned a cash tip of ten thousand dollars. That means Trixie Mattel – you are also a winner, baby.”

“Oh, yay!” Trixie yelps from the mentors’ seats in the audience.

“You’ve won a cash tip of five thousand dollars.”

Vanjie’s doing that clasped-hand-prayer thing again, so Nina immediately walks over and hugs him. (He’s a hugger, even if Vanjie isn’t. Vanjie might be. Nina isn’t sure. Today, it would appear, they all are.)

It’s okay that he lost, Nina tells himself. There will be more lip-syncs, and he’s safe for another week. So he didn’t win ten thousand dollars, so what? He’s going to the Bahamas! And he doesn’t have to make an enemy yet. Everyone knows how that worked out for Shangela…

“Nina West,” Ru says, glancing at him, “you are safe. You may join the other girls.”

Nina pulls away from Vanjie, squeezes his shoulder reassuringly, and takes his place beside Brooke.

“Congrats,” Brooke whispers, reaching for his hand. Nina just nods in acknowledgement. His head is still spinning too quickly for him to think clearly.

“Will the bottom two queens please step forward?” Ru asks.

There’s a pause and the room goes deathly quiet as Blair and Laganja walk to the center of the stage, grasping hands. Blair has cried almost all of her makeup off. Nina’s heart aches for her. If she stays, Blair is the next person Nina’s going to hug. He’s drafting a list.

Ru shifts in her chair. “Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, with great power comes great responsibility. Which queen have you chosen to get the chop?”

Vanjie swallows hard, takes a deep breath, steels himself. “I just wanna say that the person I chose is fierce as fuck. I was so excited to see her back in the Werk Room because I think she didn’t get a real good shot last time. I wanted to give you another chance, I really did, but you still letting your personal opinions about people and things get in the way and there ain’t room for that on All Stars.” Vanessa reaches into his bra and pulls out his lipstick. “So I’m sorry, but I gotta send you home, Laganja.”

Laganja just nods, tilts her head with a bit of a wry smile. (She did know it was coming, even after everything they did to assuage her fears. But Laganja’s always been a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.) She turns to Blair, gives her a quick hug, and then Blair practically runs to the back of the stage.

Nina opens his arms immediately, and Blair practically melts into him. He cradles her head, wipes the runny mascara from beneath her eyes.

“You’re still here. It’s okay.” If he’s got to be the mom of this season, so be it.

“Laganja Estranja,” RuPaul says, “as it is written, so it shall be done. You are and will always be an All Star. Now, sashay away.”

“Thank you so much,” Laganja says. Then she presses her forefinger and thumb together, brings them to her lips, and mimes taking a long drag from a joint. “It’s always four-twenty when ‘Ganja’s in the house, okurrrrrr?”

They clap and bid Laganja farewell (Shea rolls her eyes a bit, but not in a super obvious way). Nina feels himself relax for the first time all day.

“Con-drag-ulations, All Stars,” RuPaul says to them with a broad smile. “And remember, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else, can I get an amen up in here?”

“Amen!” the queens chorus in unison. Nina takes Blair’s hand and leads her back onto the runway as “Kitty Girl” plays over the speakers and the mentors join them on stage.

Trixie and Brooke both head straight for Vanjie, but Trixie wins the race. She embraces Vanessa, begins a slow, hilarious two-step that doesn’t match the music at all, but makes them all laugh.

Then there’s a tap on Nina’s shoulder and Monet is standing behind him. It catches Nina by surprise because he smells the same. Like mint toothpaste and sandalwood and hairspray.

Monet doesn’t speak, doesn’t have to. He just hugs Nina.

And Nina swallows down the stupid, pointless ache in his heart, and lets him.

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randomscenariosandwritings · 6 years

Text

Icarus and the Sea

~Icarus and the Sea~NCT!Soulmate Au Part 3: Final Part

Parts out: Part 1// Part 1.5// Thanksgiving Special// Part 2// Part 2.5// Part 3 (You are here, congratulations you made it!!)

A/N so here we are last part of the series. Sorry it took so long finals were hell and I had zero motivation, but luckily my slump did not last for a whole year or two this time! Please comment and talk to me!! It really helps keep me motivated to know people actually read this crap and like it. I’m more likely to write if you talk to me in comments or asks. Plus, I may just have zero ideas sometimes and you requesting something could be the only way I’ll write for a while. So if you want imagines and crap then talk to me. I know this sounds like I’m just being a jerk but it’s not fun to write things that no one will read...or write things and feel like no one’s reading them. Anyways part 3 the final part!!

Description: He was the sun and she was the moon and they were soulmates. Which was both a blessing and a curse. She needed his light and warmth and he needed her to reflect it back to him, but they were ever so distant, both unable to truly reach each other. He reached out for her every way he could, but only in his darkest moments could she ever be found.

Genre: Fluff, this one is pretty much entirely fluff

Warnings: Cursing minor but like it’s there, mentions of suicide again, but I think that’s it unless you have something against coffee or sunflowers or something

Word count: 8054 words

(Y/c/N) means your choice of names I was too lazy to give Taeil’s sister an actual name so you get this instead

Also I tried to put in a read more button tag thing but if it didn’t work I’m not gonna try and fix it because I’ve tried before and it’s never worked and I’m lazy af.

(Not my gif again!!! Do I need to keep telling you this??)

Despite everything that had happened that night nothing changed the next day, nothing changed for a while...

When she woke up again, after he got her to go back to sleep, she had two messages one on her skin from him and the other a text from Chenle. The message on her arm was written in red ink and read "Hey, cinnamon, just gonna be totally honest with you, because all the best relationships are built on trust and communication, I know Chenle and I heard your thoughts about him the other night and I may have told him that he knew you and he totally figured it out, no I didn't ask him to help me meet you or anything because I know you're not quite ready for that but if you ever did want to meet up or get my number Chenle has it, or you can ask me yourself, I'll wait for you as long as I need to," She smiled at his thoughtfulness and his honesty before checking the text from Chenle though she now had an idea of what it may be about.

After reading through the text and talking with Chenle a bit she responded to her soulmate with ink on her arm and then went out to find Taeyong, today they needed each other. "Tae," She said as she lightly knocked on his door. "Yeah?" He responded from inside his room in a soft broken voice and she sighed knowing whatever sleep he had gotten had been sparse and unfulfilling. He'd likely spent most of the night crying and she knew exactly what it was about, or at least she thought she did. Then again he had thought he'd understood the issue before last night as well. "Can I come in?" She asked softly leaning against the door with her shoulder. She wasn't about to just barge in no matter how much she knew he needed someone. She still had to respect his privacy and choices no matter how much she may want to just go in and sit with him. "Yeah, it's unlocked," he responded causing her to sigh in relief before pushing open the door. She found him sitting on the floor beside his bed staring sadly at the phone in his hand a few pictures scattered on the floor around him, sticky notes and cards thrown into the mix forming a semicircle of memories around him, but there was just enough room beside him for one more person. "I heard you crying last night, do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly as she sat beside him on the ground keeping her eyes on her dear older brother instead of the items on the ground although her curiosity was piqued. He picked a photo up off the ground and frowned at it before answering her. "Not really, not right now," He responded simply and she nodded in understanding and decided for now she'd just give him company and maybe a little bit of distraction. "So, it turns out my soulmate knows Chenle," She said starting to talk about her night instead, choosing to start with the happy before informing him of the panic attack she'd had last night. It would only stress him out if she didn't cushion the blow. "How'd you find that out," He asked and she showed him her arm and the red ink with the blue response below it. "What were you thinking of?" Taeyong asked gently curious as to what her soulmate meant when he said I heard your thoughts and how that had possibly led to the knowledge of having a mutual friend. "Well, I had a panic attack last night and woke him up on accident, we started talking and he told me he'd stop talking with me, stop writing to me if it was hurting me, I told him not to stop and started to think about how I just needed more people in my life who honestly love me and care, like you, Renjun, Jeno, and Chenle," She answered simply and he nodded well aware of his little sister's panic attacks. "I got a snapchat from my roommate," Taeyong answered suddenly opening up to her, now that she had shared he decided it was his turn. "He was asking me where I was and if I was coming back," Taeyong continued and set his phone down between the two of them. "Was she in it?" She questioned softly and he shook his head creating an immense confusion within her. He'd been upset about her, about losing her too his roommate, hadn't he? "Nope, I'm starting to think it might not be her I was upset about," Taeyong replied noticing her very obvious confusion, it was after all written all over her face, "I think I've been lying to myself about a lot of things for a long time," He added not able to look up at his younger sister or meet her eyes instead of looking at another photo and then another. "Honestly, it makes more sense the longer I think about it this way, the longer I look at these photos, notes, and cards, I always got way to upset when he had company over, he was the kind to sleep around while waiting/looking for his soulmate and I was always so upset about it, I hated seeing the black handprint on his arm. Don't get me wrong, I loved her but more like I grew to love things about her and grew to see her as a wonderful person and a dear friend but I didn't ever love her, I think I was just dating her because I knew he wasn't my soulmate and I loved him anyway and now that he's found her...I don't think I can ever go back to that room. My life has effectively turned into that one MV you know for the K.Will song, please don't I think," Taeyong continued sadly and she nodded, "But I can't keep staying in this house, not with auntie getting drunk every day and cursing everyone and everything. There's a reason I moved out in the first place..." "What if you and I moved out, we could leave today, move in with Jeno or Chenle for a bit until we found a new place to stay?" She suggested suddenly thinking back to her thoughts the other night about her aunt and the endless desire for at least a little more normalcy. She needed out of this house as much as her brother did, maybe even more. This house was weighing down on them both in more ways than one. She didn't think she'd ever be willing to meet her soulmate if she stayed in this house... "You should probably ask Jeno or Chenle if they're ok with that first," Taeyong replied, "but otherwise, I'm down with that idea." "I think it might help me feel more comfortable about having a soulmate too, without hearing her cursing hers every 20 seconds," She added after a moment of silence between them, "I really do want to meet him, I'm just not ready yet and this will help." "You love him don't you?" Taeyong asked smiling gently at the young girl, it was refreshing to see her opening up a bit more, it was like watching a caterpillar crawl from its cocoon and become this beautiful butterfly. "No, not yet, I'm still too scared to love him, I don't think I can love him like really love him until he's no longer the sun in my eyes, cause if I keep believing he's the sun, I'll always be too afraid to burn," She replied looking up at the morning sun shining over them. "I agree, I think you need to stop putting him on the same level as the sun, but not because of that, I don't think you need to be afraid to burn, our whole family is and so they won't ever love again, I think they and the world would tell you that failure is ugly and painful that loss and falling and burning are horrid and despicable things, but I think they're wrong, I think there's something almost triumphant in falling instead of flying knowing you had the courage when everyone screamed no and there's something beautiful about fire even when you're in the middle of it," Taeyong replied shaking his head, he'd never told her this but he'd always believed it, it was why he wanted her to love, why he wanted to love, because he knew now even with how his heart ached at his handsome roommate who had met his soulmate in a beautiful girl. Even with how tears slipped down his cheeks at the sight of his pouting face asking him when he'd come back the black mark on his arm now a rainbow of color against his pale skin. "You're right though, he's not the sun, because from what I know he would never burn you, never be so distant and harsh, but don't be afraid to love him even if he was," Taeyong concluded finally looking her in the eyes. If anyone was the sun it was his roommate, or ex-roommate now. She nodded in understanding she knew if he really was the sun and she was the one flying towards him there was more beauty about that than just the sun and more than just the tragedy of falling and even that wasn't always a tragedy if you looked at it just right. She knew he was right that she should just give love a chance because even if she did fall and burn and tumbled from the heavens as an ungraceful ball of fire at least she flew at least she had the courage to leap and she'll leave her mark on the boy, literally, she won't ever be forgotten, maybe she'll be able to smile as she falls or laugh as she drowns in the oceans below. It was a lesson her soulmate had always been trying to teach her with the endless drawings on her skin that there is beauty in everything even intense pain. "Well that was a great heart to heart, but I'm hungry and it's your turn to make breakfast," She said pulling him up with her gently and thinking of the game of Uno she'd won last night before she'd gone to sleep and before the panic and before she told him she'd buy him coffee. A smile drew itself on her face at the thought of Uno and the words she'd written. It was the closest she'd gotten to telling him she loved him until the reply she wrote on her arm this morning. Unbeknownst to her, he would argue that both of those had said I love you, even if they didn't use the words.

He had a heart attack when he read the words she'd written him in blue ink. He fell off the couch he was lounging on and squealed and flailed around after reading the words because oh god his soulmate was just so adorable and oh my god look what she wrote. His heart was pounding in excitement and his cheeks were heating up with a blush at how adorable and sweet his soulmate really was. Taeil came rushing from the kitchen in panic at the noises and his sister ran in with Chenle close on her heels having just opened the door to let him in when the commotion had begun. "Are you ok?" Taeil questioned but as soon as he saw the young man rolling on the floor in absolute delight utterly overwhelmed by how cute his soulmate is Taeil sighed left the room and returned to cooking breakfast for the now five of them. "Was it her? What did she write?" Chenle asked excitedly he'd been secretly shipping these two for years now, despite the fact they'd never met, and he was so thrilled by any news of his 2nd otp which followed closely behind his true otp, him and his soulmate. Chenle watched in anticipation as his older friend sat up and smiled at him with the dorkiest grin he'd ever seen. "She's so cute," His older friend muttered softly a rosy tint on his cheeks and his eyes alight with joy. "She wrote, 'Hey sugar, thanks for your honesty, Chenle informed me of this interesting situation, thank you for being so understanding, I'll try not to make you wait too long,' and then there's a winky face, she called me sugar I'm dead, I'm so dead, funeral is at 3 o'clock," His older friend said with this wacky smile spread out on his face. "You two are such cheesy dorks," Taeil's sister said shaking her head as she chuckled softly sitting on a nearby armchair and smiling softly. "Has she been texting you then?" He asked looking up intently at Chenle who nodded and showed him the texts from earlier this morning. "Aww, she wanted to know if I was cute, she's adorable, wait what do you mean number four I am so cute!" He said as he read along with the texts looking up at Chenle perplexed and momentarily distracted. "Yeah, but my soulmate is the cutest, I'm the second cutest, and Jisung is the third cutest, Jeno would have had four but he's not funny so I knocked him down a peg," Chenle responded with a shrug and his soulmate blushed slightly at his words though she pretended she wasn't listening by scrolling through her phone looking at photos of her and Chenle. "Where's my soulmate on that list?" He asked looking up at the younger boy slightly offended because his soulmate was adorable and he had evidence. "Not on it, cause it'd be weird she's like an older sister to me," Chenle responded shaking his head at the older boy who was now crouched on the ground holding the phone like Gollum holding the ring, "A really dorky older sister who has like 5% of her life together on a good day," Chenle added thinking about the older girl who was quite a wreck, but still very kind. "Breakfast is ready," Taeil called from the kitchen and so they quickly went over and joined him in the kitchen. A while later they were gathered in the living room watching movies together when Chenle let out a soft, "Oh my god, what?" as he stared down at his phone. His soulmate leaned over and read the texts from his shoulder before letting out a little gasp and a slight smirk too. "Boy, you might actually have a really good chance of getting to meet her," Chenle said looking over towards the other non-moon sibling in the room. "Wait, what? What's happening?" He said his head shooting up from staring at his arm and the message from earlier excited by the potential news about his lovely soulmate. "She's moving out of her aunt's house," Chenle responded calmly a little too calmly for his liking, but he said nothing of the issue. "Really?" He asked in shock remembering back to the panic attack just last night and the conversation they'd had. "Yeah, she and Taeyong are gonna live with Jeno for a bit until they find a place," Chenle replied still calm and invested in the conversation on his phone. "This is good news for you though cause Taeyong will encourage her to meet you and the absence of her aunt will let her fall in love with you easier," Chenle explained slightly. He just nodded and grabbed a pen and began writing on his arm in black ink. "Hey, cinnamon, I heard you're moving out of your aunt's house, are you going to be ok what with the panic attacks and all?" He wrote trying not to let his complete worry for her seep through too much. "Yeah, Taeyong and I need out, our aunts a mess and totally brings us down, don't worry though, sugar, I'll be fine even with the panic attacks since I won't be surrounded by strangers and Taeyong will be there," She wrote back in black ink of her own. "How do you know all the boys, Chenle, Jeno, Renjun, and Taeyong?" He wrote again in response, he was extremely curious. "Right I forgot I'd never told you, Taeyong's my older brother the only sibling still around after my two older ones, Jinki and Soonkyu, left, I tutor Chenle since he came from China he still occasionally struggles with class here, I met Renjun and Jeno in class we all went to the same high school, I met Jeno first Freshman year and Renjun when he transferred in during sophomore year, then we decided to attend University here together and I met Chenle and Jisung, I'm not very close to Jisung though cause I only met him through Chenle," She wrote in response, her handwriting showing up neatly on his skin. "I'm glad you have all of them to watch over you and love you while I can't," He wrote gently a soft smile on his face. He was truly grateful, she was extremely important to him even if they'd never met.

She couldn't help but smile when he told her he was glad she had the boys in her life and they spent the rest of the night covering their skin in messages to each other and when they ran out of room on their skin they started to talk to each other through their minds and that was how they spent the rest of their day and into the night. A few days later she and Taeyong moved in with Jeno. Chenle and his soulmate, Renjun, and Jisung joined in to help them move. This was the first time she'd met Chenle's soulmate. "Hi, I'm Moon (Y/c/N)," Chenle's soulmate said as she approached with the boys. She extended her hand with a smile and then continued, "You must be Y/n and Taeyong, or as my neighbor likes to call you, Cinnamon and her brother." "Oh my god, my soulmate is your neighbor?" She, the youngest Lee sibling, questioned in shock. Chenle's soulmate smiled in response. "Yeah, he's good friends with my older brother and was actually hanging out at our house when Chenle came over to pick me up. Chenle tried to drag him here, but your soulmate wouldn't let him cause he wanted to make sure you were ready first," The young Moon girl said smiling at the memory of Chenle trying to physically drag the other male out of the house and said other male just sitting on the ground with a stubborn look on his face. "God, this jerk makes me fall in love with him more every day," Spoke the female Lee with a soft smile on her face, the young Moon girl only smiled softly in return. Happy for the two who she had officially deemed perfect for each other in just those few seconds. After that, the moving process began and the two girls became fast friends. Once they were officially moved in they had a mini welcoming party in which those already there laid about in the living room drinking sodas, eating snacks, and chatting happily or in Taeyong's case napping on the floor. "My neighbor told me you're amazing and successfully moved into Jeno's apartment, I already knew you're amazing but I'm glad your moved in, stay safe and happy, I love you," Was the last thing she saw in pink on her arm before she fell asleep that night in her new room. A few weeks later the Lee siblings moved once more, but with a lot more stuff to carefully box and move across the city, this time into a flat that was entirely their own and much closer to the University they attended and coincidentally her soulmates house, though that wasn't known until much later. There was a farewell party and her soulmate was once again invited, but only by Chenle who was desperate for the two to meet. He didn't come, once again respecting her wishes. The Lee siblings smiled and laughed, but were both sad to leave Jeno's flat behind, even in that short time it had become a home, full of laughter and games, gone were the two-way battles for kitchen duty now replaced by much louder three-way games and Jeno was quickly adopted into the family by Taeyong, she had always loved him like a twin brother. Instead of late night talks about where their elder siblings were, hearing their aunt scream about the pains of love, or trying hard to stay awake so they wouldn't see the image of a beautiful but broken woman falling backward off a roof, they laughed and chatted late into the night about anything and everything and sometimes nothing understandable or coherent all of them too tired to truly understand, but nonetheless happier than they'd ever been. For once the two siblings were truly happy. So happy in fact that they debated never leaving Jeno's flat but Jeno had shaken his head while taking a sip of root beer as they laid on the couch all bundled up together, toy story playing in the background and said they needed to find a better place more suited to them, closer to a cafe for the caffeine addict Taeyong and the ever increasingly aesthetic girl who loved the atmosphere, with a different layout and style both inside and out he could tell the plain white walls in every room were driving them insane, and a place they could truly call their own, they'd never truly had somewhere they could do that and he knew they needed it. Nonetheless, they surprised him the night of the farewell party and told him they had another room they wanted him to have, he was after all their brother and no home would be complete without the whole family. The family they had created for themselves. With that two became three and a plain flat turned into a home for a trio that loved each other dearly. For the first few weeks, the flat was changing every day new decorations here and there, decorations moved or gone altogether but it wasn't the only thing changing every day. The only female in their trio, their beloved sister was changing with it. She was becoming happier and more hopeful, she wrote to her soulmate daily and if she didn't write to him she spoke to him in her mind, some days she even initiated the conversations, though he almost always beat her to it. Each and every day they watched her become more herself and more in tune with who she was, she changed her major from math to art history, the clothes she bought herself changed too as she fell into her own style. Day by day she just became more herself, no change she made ever confused her two brothers, if anything they recognized her more with each change, and whenever they saw her these days there was a silent resounding 'ah yes, here is my sister, beautiful as always, there she is' that echoed in their heads and heart. She was now almost exactly who she was meant to be, they all knew there was still one piece missing, one piece that drew on his arms and asked her questions long into the night, that shared odd stories and little delights. Day by day she became more and more ready to meet him and they all knew it. However, it was still months before the pair finally met. When they did meet it was at the youngest Moon sibling's birthday party, both of them friends with the young girl. She, the female Lee, had known for a while now that she was finally ready to meet her soulmate and knew this party would be the perfect opportunity. Even so, she didn't tell Chenle that she was coming, only the young Moon girl, Taeyong, Jeno, and herself knew she would be attending the party. The four of them had kept it a careful secret though Taeyong didn't have much to worry about as he only interacted with Chenle occasionally and had never met Taeil. No, the meeting of the two eldest siblings was a day that would go down in history and certainly not this day. When the day of the party finally came she was a nervous wreck, the three Lee's had spent almost the entire day trying to choose an outfit for her and had only decided 20 minutes before Taeil and his sister were scheduled to arrive to pick her and Jeno up for the party. "God, I think I'm more nervous for you than you are," Taeyong muttered softly as he continued working on her hair, fixing it because everything had to be perfect for his baby sister. "I feel like I'm getting my daughter ready for prom..." he added as he put the last touch on her hair finally happy with it. "Believe me Tae I am just as nervous if not more, he's my soulmate remember," She replied while Jeno just smiled in the background, he loved this dorky family of nervous wrecks, who as Chenle often reminded all of them only had 5% of their lives together on a good day, but today was a great day, so they had 10% or maybe 3%, they couldn't quite figure it out. "Her being nervous is the entire reason I'm going, Taeyong, pretty sure she's more nervous," Jeno added laughing at his adoptive siblings and going back to texting Renjun about how this was going to turn into him standing in the corner alone because he knew no one but people with soulmates and would likely be fifth wheeling the entire time. Though he did remind Renjun that he was ultimately ok with it cause this was his sister's big day and if he was anything he was a supportive brother. "Yeah, you're right, you're right," Taeyong said before spinning her around to make sure everything was perfect. "You know what you always look wonderful, I don't know why I'm so worried," Taeyong said shrugging and letting go of her. "She'll be just fine, Taeyong and if she's not I'll call Renjun and he can beat the jerk up," Jeno said way too nonchalantly, not telling them that Renjun had already offered should anything go wrong. "Perfect," Taeyong said right as a knock sounded on their door. "That's your sign, go get him, girl," Taeyong said shoving her towards the door before dragging Jeno over as well. Soon the youngest Lee's were out the door and in a car where they found a very confused Chenle and Taeil. "Who is this girl I thought we were picking up Jeno and Jeno only?" Taeil asked while Chenle's face slowly morphed into an evil grin fit for a mad scientist. "I'm Y/N, your neighbor's soulmate," She said with a smile introducing herself to the oldest Moon. "Oh my god, really?" Taeil asked and she nodded with a wide smile. "Wow, okay this is shocking." "I can't wait to introduce you two!" Chenle said happily rubbing his hands together in excitement. "Ah ah ah! Not so fast! You are doing no such thing, we already have a plan," Y/N said shaking her head at the young boy. "What kind of plan?" Chenle asked quirking an eyebrow up in curiosity. Y/n and his soulmate quickly explained the plan to a now increasingly offended Chenle. "That's a dumb plan," Chenle said with a shake of his head. "How do you know he's not already sitting in the living room of their house or that he won't show up earlier, the boy practically lives with them," Chenle continued groaning at their lack of planning little did he know they actually had all that sorted. "See that would be an issue if, I hadn't told him the wrong party time so his early will actually be on time, and if that wasn't enough I purposely forgot to buy drinks and snacks so that I could blindside Taeil so that he would ask our friendly neighbor to go with another friend to buy snacks and drinks," Spoke Chenle's soulmate with a smirk on her face. "That's actually pretty clever," Chenle muttered in response before smiling at his soulmate. "I knew you wouldn't have actually forgotten to buy the drinks and snacks!" Taeil said proudly, suddenly validated by this explanation. "You have to swear you won't introduce us though, ok Chenle?" Y/N said making the younger boy pinky promise with her that he wouldn't force them together. All the while him grumbling. Her soulmate did indeed show up late just as planned, she didn't even see him walk in even though his arrival was loudly proclaimed by several friends within the crowd when he showed up with the missing snacks and sodas. After all, she still didn't know his name, so other than being slightly confused it meant nothing to her when shouts of "Donghyuck! Jaemin! Haechan!" rang throughout the home, especially when there were only two people walking in. She shrugged it off and continued walking through the party. She didn't know he was there until she saw him out of the corner of her eye, or more accurately she saw the massive sunflower on his forearm as she walked out of the kitchen. The very tip of the flower was covered by his rolled-up sleeves but it was unmistakably the same as the one on her own forearm, carefully hidden by her long sleeve shirt. She searched the crowd for him, her eyes gazing over everyone until she spotted him again and her heart leaped into her throat, he was gorgeous and with that thought and her eyes grazing over his appearance fear crept into her heart, what if she wasn't really ready to meet him. She started to walk quickly towards the front door her head hanging down as she texted Chenle informing him she was leaving for some fresh air, right after she sent it she ran straight into someone nearly knocking them both over. "Sorry," She muttered softly not bothering to look up and then skirted around the mystery person and out the door. She only made it a few feet down the street before an arm grabbed her wrist and a familiar voice asked her gently to stop and as she turned back the first thing she noticed was the sunflower on his very exposed arm. He had been very upset that Taeil had asked him to run this last minute errand, he hated being late to his friend's party, but he'd been asked so he did. They'd called his name once he entered but all he'd really registered was the beautiful and unfamiliar girl in the back corner talking happily with Chenle, the birthday girl, and someone else he didn't know. He wondered for a moment if it could be her, his soulmate, but he shook his head and told him not to get his hopes up, besides Chenle would've been introducing them as fast as possible if it was. Either way that mysterious girl lingered in his mind throughout the rest of the party, especially because she just kept popping up, he just kept seeing her. His heart had stopped when he'd heard her voice, quiet amidst the crowd but no less recognizable as the voice that had stayed up with him until 3 am talking about their hopes and dreams, the same voice that had told him about how they'd changed their major and then gushed about art history and art for the next hour, the voice he had said I love you to so many times. He'd heard it the soft word, "sorry" from nearby when the mystery girl ran into Taeil as she headed towards the front door. He was frozen staring at the back of her head for a good minute before finally bolting out of the house, causing quite the scene he was sure, but his soulmate was more important than whether or not he caused a scene or not, he'd apologize to Taeil and his sister later. He looked down the street carefully trying to gauge where she'd gone when he saw her in the distance and immediately started running to catch up. Luckily for him, she hadn't made it far and so it was quite easy to catch up to her and grasp her wrist whispering the quite words "Please, wait," his heart stopped again when she turned to look at him and her eyes latched onto the sunflower on his exposed wrist, he knew then he'd been right, she was his soulmate. "You're beautiful," suddenly tumbled out of his mouth surprising both of them back into reality, at least for a moment, before she was sucked back in by the original sunflower. "I really like sunflowers," She blurted out just as quickly, just as randomly a few moments later when she slipped back into the stupor of having her soulmate, her incredibly attractive soulmate, right in front of her holding her wrist, she was just as lost as he was. "You wrote..." she began and her eyes fell to look at the ink still on his skin, he realized he was still holding her wrist at that moment and let it go quickly afraid of hurting her afraid of forcing her to do anything she didn't want to. He was surprised when her hand moved and her fingers ran over the skin of his forearm painted yellow and brown and orange and green with golden writing around it, golden but tragic words "But I'm a sunflower, a little funny, If I was a rose, maybe you'd want me," she read softly tracing each letter delicately. "I like sunflowers, I like a little funny, a little funny is better than the pricking of thorns against your fingers," She said softly before meeting his gaze again. A familiar feeling of weightlessness filled his chest, the same one that had filled his chest when she'd told him she'd buy him coffee and called him sugar for the first time. This was the third time she'd told him she loved him and how it made him want to fly to hear her say the same three words in such a beautiful way, more beautiful than he would ever be able to say them. "Why'd you leave early?" He questioned softly still far too caught up in her beauty and being told she loved him. "I saw the sunflower on your arm and got scared, it's one thing to believe you're ready and entirely another to be faced with the sudden reality of everything you've ever been afraid of and everything you've ever hoped for," She answered truthfully, she'd never lie to him. At that moment as they stared at each other they both realized a few fundamental truths, one she was not an Icarus fated to burn and fall and drown from flying too close to the sun, two he was not the sun he was not harsh and unreachable and overwhelming, three she was not the moon. No, she was the stars in the sky, she had so many sides and levels and hidden depths, she was a universe waiting to be explored and understood and loved, she was beautiful and wondrous and so expansive he would never know all of her and he, oh god he was the sky the delicate and ever-changing sky who shifted and changed to suit her better, bright and blue when she wished to be hidden, dark and velvety and warm when she needed to be seen. He highlighted her and made her shine and held her close and protected her. He filled in the cracks was the lines between her constellations and as they realized this she knew there was nothing to fear from him. He would not leave her with only broken reminders and beer bottles and the desire to fall off of tall buildings or disappear, he couldn't, he was so deeply intertwined with everything about her that he was stuck. He was so in love with her, so wrapped up in every wondrous detail he had and hadn't seen yet that there was no possible way he'd ever leave her. He was so uniquely himself and yet so wonderfully part of her and she was so uniquely herself and yet so wonderfully part of him. "How about we go for a walk, I'll buy you that bouquet and you can buy me that coffee," He suggested as he realized just how much he truly loved her. The surprise and shock and awe melted into a soft warmth that filled his chest, a warmth he could only compare to that first sip of coffee in the morning. "How about we get you a jacket first, you must be freezing," She said with a gentle laugh and a worried expression as she stared down at his exposed and goosebump-covered arms, though he'd claim from then on that half of the goosebumps were just from her touching him and the other half were from seeing her for the first time. "Who needs a jacket I have you," He replied with a gentle smirk and she bumped him slightly with a shy smile. "Would you go get a jacket if I told you I was cold?" She questioned already very aware of how he worked and thought and ticked, you got that way when you talked with someone every day and every night even when you hadn't met them. "Mmm, anything for my lovely cinnamon," He answered and smiled at her, "Come on then, let's go get you a jacket," He said and then gently grabbed her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers without a second thought and dragging her along towards his house. He led her quietly through the house towards his room and sat her on the bed before shuffling through his closet to find a jacket. It wasn't long before he did and he walked back over to her with it. "Nope, you should wear it," She said shaking her head as he tried to hand it to her. "I'll get warm just by you wearing it," She said softly and he tilted his head to the side in confusion, "Sugar, we're connected through our skin," She said tapping her nose lightly giving him a subtle hint. He grinned and chuckled softly before sliding the jacket on around himself before leading her back through the house and towards the closest flower shop. All the while smiling softly at how clever and caring his dear soulmate was. He bought her the very bouquet he'd told her about earlier and then they walked to a cafe nearby and she bought him and herself some coffee. Then they sat together at a table by the window and talked. "Why'd you stop writing on your arm for those weeks?" She asked after taking a sip of her coffee. "My Dad left my mom when I was 10, she was never the same after and hated it when I drew on my arm, that night when it stopped I got caught with ink on my arms and she was very drunk," He answered softly with a gentle shrug. "Why'd you suggest a tramp stamp for the tattoo?" He questioned gently with a slight smirk and the coffee mug resting in front of his face. "It would look nice there and it'd be something only we shared, plus I wanted to see how you'd react," She answered nonchalantly a gentle shrug of her arms and a light dancing in her eyes. It went on like this for quite some time they would talk and chat and ask questions. She told him about her aunt and her older siblings, about the recent adoption of Jeno, her new apartment, and so much more. He told her about his conversations with the moon, about the fun times with his neighbors, and that he really loved her scarf. He told her words of poetry that would've fit in on her skin, talked about stardust and how he could see it in her eyes. She answered him in her own poetic way told him that she used to think he'd look like everything she loved and everything she hated, but now meeting him he looked like all her dreams, he looked like her home, and like everything she'd ever missed had come back to her. A few hours later they finally stood to leave, they swapped numbers and then they began the journey to her flat. They walked hand in hand comfortable and silent the whole way as she leaned gently on him and he tried to stay focused on walking so as to not trip over his own feet because of her beauty. "I still don't know your name," He said as they stopped in front of her front door both of their hands clasped together, they chuckled softly at the realization, having stuck to the now familiar pet names instead. "Y/N," She answered softly with a smile dancing on her lips. "I'm Jaemin," He replied and they both chuckled slightly before silence fell over them. His right hand gently dropped her's and rose towards her cheek before landing gently his hand warm against her cold cheek, "Can I?" He questioned softly and she knew what he was asking, so instead of answering she rose slightly and let her lips meet his and nothing had ever been so perfect in their lives. Every fear or worry about love and soulmates they'd had melted away as they melted together. "It was wonderful to meet you cinnamon," He said when he pulled away, his words were soft and his gaze even softer. "Officially that is," He added with a wink. "We should do this again," She responded softly. "The date or the kissing because both can be arranged," He said with a smirk and she sighed a blush rising to her cheeks at the thought of that magical kiss they'd just shared and the ones waiting for her in the future. "Both would be good," She answered with a gentle smile before kissing him on the cheek and bidding him farewell before entering her flat. Immediately she slid down against the door a soft smile and rosy cheeks adorning her face. Oh god, what was this control he had over her, she thought softly to herself and was surprised to find similar words echoing back to her, just as he was surprised to hear her thoughts. They both smiled softly though. In the end, though that wasn't really farewell for them. No, that night they stayed up talking to each other once again. In fact, very little changed in their relationship from that night on other than that they saw each other in person quite often and they knew each other's names. Dates at the nearby cafe in the morning became an almost daily routine, some days he came with flowers other days with pens and other days with just himself. On the days he came with pens he drew images on her skin so that she could choose when to get rid of it and have the originals on her own skin every now and then. These were always her favorite drawings. The only reason they weren't daily was that once a week they brought the rest of their friends and built families to the cafe with them. It was one of those such days when the historic meeting of the eldest siblings occurred. It was a few weeks later when it happened and they realized who the real Icarus of this story was and who the Moon really was. It was a few weeks later when the story truly came to a close everyone with their happiness in hand. She, Jaemin, Chenle, his soulmate, and Jeno were gathered at the nearby cafe that Taeil just so happened to work at and were waiting on Taeyong to spend some time with each other, their regular weekly family get together though Taeil and Taeyong were regularly absent for whatever reason, constantly missing each other. Nothing big happened until they were just about to leave and Taeyong took a good long look at the handwriting on the cup and then the barista behind the counter and then the handwriting and then the barista who happened to be a very confused Moon Taeil. Taeil looked between Taeyong and the party standing beside him, he was perplexed until all of that turned into a white pale surprise. "Where have I seen your handwriting before?" Taeyong said suddenly staring at Taeil who was now blank and frozen only broken out of his trance by his sister. "Holy shit," His younger sister muttered slightly looking between the two older brothers one a Lee and the other a Moon. Everyone waited the air frozen until Taeil spoke. "We might have a class together alternatively do the words tramp stamp mean anything to you?" Taeil said unable to stop the words slipping out of his mouth. Taeyong dropped the cup of coffee he was holding, thankfully it was empty so coffee didn't go splattering everywhere. "This is definitely not the context I thought this would have when it was finally said," Taeyong said looking from his wrist to the friendly barista he'd definitely thought was cute upon walking in here. "Wait are you her older brother?" Taeyong asked pointing to Chenle's soulmate the young Moon girl realizing that the only way any of this made sense was if there was a connection between the very cute barista and the young girl who was his sister's soulmate's neighbor. Taeil nodded and then asked a very similar question "Is she your younger sister?" pointing towards Jaemin's soulmate who was watching with a wide smile. Taeyong nodded in response. "So, let me get this straight, that one time I wrote on Jaemin cause he asked me to and I jokingly said sure because it might help me meet my soulmate, I was right?" Taeil questioned looking at the large group of frozen people all of them now nodding vigorously with dorky grins on their faces really happy for the two older males. "Xiumin I am taking the day off, I have just found my soulmate," Taeil said suddenly turning towards his manager who had been watching with growing confusion and interest. Xiumin nodded and gave one stipulation, an explanation the next time Taeil came to work, and then watched as his employee ran to the back changed as fast as possible and ran out to meet Taeyong. When they were standing next to each other Jaemin and Y/n both had a major revelation. Taeyong had always been the Icarus and Moon Taeil had always been the Moon and the Sea. Taeyong's roommate with the rainbow handprint on his arm had been the sun and when Taeyong had gotten too close he had fallen, right into Taeil, right into the kind and loving Sea guided by the moon a two-sided being often forgotten and hidden on the sidelines but no less beautiful. Someone Jaemin had trusted and told everything. Taeyong had fallen like Icarus but he would live on loved and cared for by the Sea and the Moon, who had caught him as he descended in fiery glory. "How do you feel about going to see a movie, right now?" Taeil asked after a moment of just staring at his extremely attractive soulmate. Taeyong could only nod in response, before leading Taeil out of the cafe and in the direction of the movie theater. "Looks like everyone gets a happy ending," Jaemin said with a soft smile before looking at his soulmate and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. "You missed jerk," She replied and quickly kissed him on the lips. "I'm glad I found you." "I'm glad you let me," He responded softly smiling at her, both of them very ready for whatever came their way, for nothing could pull them apart.

(again not my gif!)

A/N so this is officially the end of the series! I hope you liked it! If not oh well sorry I tried! If y’all want to see the exact text conversation between Chenle and Y/N go ahead and ask and I’ll post it. Send any requests for new ideas I’ll do pretty much any group you want, but it’ll take longer and be crappier if it’s a group I don’t know.

#nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct imagine #soulmate imagine #nct soulmate au #nct dream #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2018 #love #fluff #fluff scenario #sm entertainment #kpop soulmate au #sun and moon #kpop imagine #kpop scenario

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