#just kind of all over the place you know
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Popping in to give an update, and ask for one!
Hi H!!! How are you doing? Everything going well? Are you taking care of yourself??
My update: I have four poetry books out now, from the vault of her mind is the newest one, it got published on the 24th. It has 50 poems, which took FOREVER to get written and formatted.
Have an awesome day!! And I dunno when you’ll see this, but I hope you have an amazing New Year as well! ❤️ ~♉️
hi :) i’m okay. life has been a bit mad recently. literally all of my friends are going through breakups so i am trying to be the best possible supporter but it is very difficult lol. uni starts next week and that’s mad because… how… my dissertation is due in three months and idk what it’s even about…. lol….. it’s fine. it’s so fine (lie). i am trying my best to take care of myself. thank you for asking and caring <3 congrats on the fourth book! that is mad!!!! also a massive accomplishment to publish 50 poems. congratulations pal <3 im sending you the best well wishes for the new year also
#it’s like… love my friends. so much.#but my only breakup was so incredibly awful#and now i’m so jaded abt love#so i’m just like. here#goddddddd#auch#it’s life#all good#it’s fine#my counsellor is gonna get an earful tomorrow#also#i have two counsellors now#and i used to have a rly fucked up perception of mental illness#so if anyone is reading this rn contemplating getting help#please reach out#it will get better#ABYWAY#i’m okay#just kind of all over the place you know#life is !!! weird and strange#genuinely hope you’re doing so well friend#sending you all the love
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his smile could cure the world ♡ [for @morshiberna ♡]
cr. 0613data
#btsedit#btsgif#jimin#park jimin#bangtan#bts#mine#mine:gifs#mine:pjm#comp#userdimple#annietrack#rjshope#userpat#raplineuser#this coloring is all over the place dkfjfkfgjfkkhj but it doesn't matter because#IT'S MY BABY'S BIRTHDAY!!!!#HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I HOPE YOU HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL DAY <333#wishing you so much happiness and love and luck and fulfilled dreams and laughter and comfort and warmth#i can't believe how grown you are where has time gone :(#thank you for always being so lovely and kind#and for all the giggles and love#and also for letting me vent frustrations and matching my energy djgjfghjkffjfg#you're really just like our jiminie it makes so much sense he's your bias <3#my wish is that life lights your path with the brightest sunlight#and that you always know how amazing you are#how strong and resilient you are#and that you are capable of achieving anything you want#i'm proud of you and you should be too <3#happy birthday sweetheart 🥹💗
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A few silly little small sculptures that I made with some of the leftover clay from the main one I did recently
#sculpture#birds#neopets#sparkly little aishas my beloved.....#Though I actually kind of liked them with a matte finish more?? I wanted to try out making them sparkly and shiny..but#I think they might have looked better before adding all the shine. BUT I kind of like both. Maybe I should make two more that aren't shiny#just to have variation lol... an entire army of tiny aishas.....#The little house is so bad lol I hada headache at that point and kind of just wanted to get everything over with#(I bake the clay all at once so I had to get the smaller ones done to go with the main one)#and was like.. zero effort into making things line up or measuring at all. one window on one side is like twice as big as on the other lol#but I think from afar ifnot examined too closely it's still kind of cute. The birds were also just random like 'what can I shape out of thi#s small blob of clay I have leftover' etc. I did actually put irridescent eyeshaow on the pigeon but it just doesnt show up in photos ToT#The other bird is not anything in specific... some sort of random fantasy creature bird with slight purple on it's wings or something#The strawberry is exclusively just a quickly done accessory for the birds.. I wanted them to have a little meal to share#even though I dont know if birds eat strawberries#the last picture in the set is them all sitting on a shelf (the most well lit place I could find) but looks weird#since it has all of my avocado pit eyes in the background......... ominous backdrop for such peaceful little creachures..#you kind of cant tell what they are from that angle though i guess lol
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missin my crow familia so baddd rn 💔
#*armas de riva#dont even mind me i just want this in armas' tag#love teia and luca bonding over how insufferable their partners are bc those brothers constantly bicker at each other <3#insane lucanis attempted to flirt up viago in the past and it went unnoticed. also crazy teia flirts up armas and teases luca being jealous#viago and teia flirting blatantly w/ each other in front of them. seeing them argue is just foreplay ugh get a room guys 🙄.#viago feeling compelled to talk to *the first talon* about dating his younger brother. embarrassing for everyone honestly.#actually even funnier if viago has to talk to *armas* about dating *the first talon* and caterina's *demon of a grandson*#the threat of lucanis being caterina's grandson and his reputation alone once sent shivers down that grown man's his spine before.#don't fuck this up armas. 🫵 don't make our house look bad in front of caterina. but also. im sure it's code for about worrying for him 💗#and GOOD FUCKING LUCK TO ARMAS NOW BEING UNDER CATERINA'S INTENSE SCRUTINY DATING HER GRANDSON. HOLY FUCK. lmao.#his mission when invited to the dellamorte family dinner?: SURVIVE (and viago and teia help him prep for it LOL)#this dynamic is so funnnyyy help. i love it all so much#the kind of familia (and work place lol) where they all know each other's gossip and drama. UGH love a family business you know?#veilguard spoilers#jic#datv spoilers#this isn't even including viago/armas family trips to visit the king or even illario. it would get even funnier with him around too.
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just kill me
#this whole article is bad but this was the WORST#not even for the reason you think (819 reasons)#Eliza you've already heard this rant but#if I can be way too sincere and long-winded for a moment#'always if I ask him something he helps'#how many quotes do we have from teammates over the years saying that exact thing#michael latta saying 'it doesn't matter if you're a top pair dman or a 4th line peasant; he'll do anything to help you'#christian djoos saying 'he's always there for you no matter what time or place. if something's up he's always there'#HHA saying recently nicke gave him his number and told him 'if you need anything just call me and I can help you'#carly in that interview when this was announced saying how nicke has been the support for everyone in that locker room from himself and osh#to guys who haven't been there long like strome and even pacioretty#I know holts and batya and andre and rasmus and jojo and tj and tom and karl alzner have all said stuff like this too#and that's just who I can think of off the top of my head#like. that's it. that's nicke.#if you ask him something. he helps.#for such an amazing athlete. for such a crucial part of making hockey A Thing in DC.#what his teammates want to talk about is his kindness#and that speaks so highly of him and is so genuinely admirable to me and worth aspiring to#I don't want to put anyone on a pedestal because we don't know these guys#but like. in terms of impact. nicke really genuinely made me try to be a better more thoughtful more actively outreaching friend#because I saw the way his teammates talked about him and that's how I want to be thought of.#I want people to know I'll be there for them. & not that I haven't been willing to do that but I've been more active about offering it#and part of that genuinely is because of his example#there's a million other things about his kindness I could mention before I even get to his hockey but this has already gone on far too long#so anyway#he is so dear to me#I hope he is happy and healthy#and that he knows how loved he is#nicklas backstrom#hockey
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I don't like the judo flip in moa as much as the next guy but in my eyes it's largely the result of rick not taking female violence half as seriously as male violence (a result of viewing women as weaker and inferior to men such that their acts of violence don't need to be taken as seriously) and not so much anything about annabeth herself. like I do genuinely feel that annabeth is a complex heroine and definitely one of the better ones in the realm of ya action-adventure fiction produced in the past 25 years but she is still a girl being written by a man and all I'm saying is that her writing clearly reflects that sometimes (more in tags)
#case in point: the amazons#hazel: you keep slaves????#kenzie: no. the men just know their place#like...... sure jan. the parody of amazon the company isn't actually using immoral labor the workers just like it that way 🥰#but that line about “knowing their place” would not fly the other way around#because women in power are not taken as seriously as a group of men dominating female workers would be#(we could talk about the futurama amazons too in this context because it's pretty much the same issue of female violence not#being taken seriously and played for laughs instead. iykyk)#do you guys know that trope of girls who are just comically aggressive and mean towards guys who barely reciprocate the energy#(like the majority of the female cast of naruto falls into this trope. again iykyk)#it's like a shallow attempt to write a strong female character by just making her an Angry mean nasty man-hater#or it's just a validation of some nerd's worldview that women are just always so mean towards men who never do anything wrong#and they definitely don't have power over women in society women are just Like that. for some reason#anyways if you couldn't tell by my pfp I'm an annabeth fan so I definitely don't mean this in an anti-annabeth way#just in a Critical of the way rick portrays women way#specifically women that he wants to come off as strong/powerful#and if you are a fellow annabeth stan and feel upset by this all I can say is that it isn't a bad thing to be critical of the way our faves#are written and in fact critical reading is a very important skill to exercise 👍#this is also why I'm annoyed by the “annabeth is abusive” allegations because it's like Ok she's clearly not intended to come off that way#so instead of meaninglessly antagonizing annabeth (who isn't real) or fans who enjoy her/the ship in its entirety#what can we glean about the flaws of the writing. what can we glean about biases of the author who wrote the damn thing#(not saying I even agree with the allegations to begin with because I Don't but yk)#this whole thing stems from social constructs around gender (everything else in the world does) i.e. public reception to female violence#where real world female violence isn't taken seriously so female criminals face less harsh punishments OR the other way around and female#cruelty is received as even more egregious than male cruelty because how dare a woman be anything but kind and nurturing and angelic#btw this is not a safe space to be anti percãbeth/annabeth in my notifs keep that to yourself bud 👍#rr crit#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson
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oh pallas and agnes power dynamic you really are SO unbelievably fucked,,,,,
#haven’t been able to write in days so i am posting instead. forgive me.#it’s just so. like. okay pallas has all of the material power here that’s not a question they’ve got much stronger magic they#know how the library works they’re directly placed in a mentorship role at the beginning re agnes she depends on them#for everything.#but also#pallas is very much Not Doing Well mentally (<- understatement of the century) and is pathologically incapable of processing their own#emotions related to this AT ALL. and in the process of trying very very hard to get to Know pallas (so pallas will Like her so pallas will#want to keep her alive) agnes kind of comes to understand a lot of pallas’s issues even better than pallas does and pallas starts to depend#on her for emotional support in a way they NEVER have with anyone else.#and pallas’s ability to show vulnerability has been soooo wrecked beyond belief that to them doing things like sharing part#of their backstory and being visibily hurt around someone is tantamount to placing a knife in someone’s hand and#then circling all of their weak points with a giant red marker while going ‘HEY STAB HERE’#so in their mind by doing this they’re giving agnes an IMMENSE amount of power over them like enough to kill them dead even though very#little else has changed about their dynamic. so pallas believes that they’re standing on much more equal ground then they really are#and agnes partly believes it too she thinks that by seeing this much of how broken down pallas is she’s finally found the balance in their#relationship she’s finally found a way to make it stable. and yeah. to some extent this is true!#pallas DOES listen to agnes more than any other person agnes IS the first person in years to understand them this much pallas’s dependence#on her for their mental wellbeing DOES give her some measure of power over them. but that power is given out on pallas’s terms is the thing#whether they’re aware of that or not. agnes wouldn’t have anything if pallas didn’t actively choose to be vulnerable with her there’d be#no way she’d learn about anything no way she’d get to play this role in their life#they believe that this thing is much more equal much more sustainable than it really is (pallas especially) and they’re#literally all each other have#grabs your face are you listening THEYRE ALL EACH OTHER HAVE IN THIS PLACE THEYRE BOTH IN SUCH HORRIFIC SITUATIONS AND THEY R EATING#EACHOTGER TO SURVIVE!!!!#head in fucking hands#wip: ghost story#pallas and agnes
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i need to wynnepost. somebody has to
#its crazy how people will assume she is all the tropes she subverts and then ignore her#also how sympathy for circle mages’ indoctrination only lasts until they get old i guess and then fuck them#because its not as if they were ever a terrified child who’d never had anything better than a single templar’s mildest kindness and any kind#of home even if it was the tower#so an orphan kid who had no memory of anything but scurrying between farmsteads and hiding in barns#didnt want to leave. what a shock. you guys dont get the place comfort has in keeping circle mages complicit#so it’s violent and terrible and you never have privacy and your children get murdered and you’re always watched and hated#its also a warm bed and community and a chance to succeed#do you honestly think every kid from fucking THEDAS knows theres anything better out there#that doesnt make the circle good. it makes it horrific that they prey on vulnerable kids to teach them the world hates them#and only the circle is ‘safe’#i just think there should be some sympathy for those kids and what they grow up into#its easy for the player to walk in and say their character would hate the circle and never have listened to the templars#its easy for say an amell or even a surana with a family back home to not fear what they left behind#wynne genuinely thinks without the circle mages would all be murdered and she’ll fight and die protecting her fellow mages#from the right of annulment#yes its a flaw that she goes on to teach others the circle must be tolerated and that is precisely how the circle is perpetuated ove#over generations#but its amazing to me to just act like its her fault#well. this is more tags than i expected it to be
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What is the inspiration behind your art style?
OOOHHH THIS IS A FUN QUESTION... honestly it's really hard to say but i'd say some of my greatest art inspo's would be...
Adventure Time! (weird line up of characters i know but the style here is so cute)
The Venture Bros! (for when i draw non-chibi characters tbh)
The Devilman manga specifcally!! (I just really like the style and use of linework in it lol)
And then finally... Osomatsu San. For my more chibi-ish style... I'm not even big on this anymore but I feel like my chibi style was totally influenced by this show specifically LOL
#AND YEAH THAT'S ABOUT IT#THANK YOU FOR THE FUN QUESTION BTW#I know this was a little all over the place BUT I MEAN!!!#it's kind of hard because i don't really think much abt where i get my inspo from#so these were kinda just the ones off the top of my head#im sure there are more artists out there that have inspired me greatly#i just cant think of them all rn HAHA#ask bob
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another thing I'm kind of sad about re: totk is that I feel like the release completely de-energized the community? I don't know if that's just me, like for sure any game has a shelf life and things get quieter over time, that's normal, but I don't know. We're slightly over 9 months since release and honestly? even the blogs that were hellbent on defending totk as a genuinely great game that would leave a wonderful impact on the gaming community are radio silent right now.
It's not that there isn't any new conversations or cool/creative content or anything, but I actually do believe the Zelda Youtube community when they say that TotK kinda killed the groove a little bit. :/
#thoughts#totk#totk critical#I think the lack of DLC was also a death sentence#because now that we are left with this we're like.... okay....#the game made such a point to cut down a lot of what had people energized in the first place that we're kind of left with nothing#zonai theories? yeah well everything is zonai and nothing matters how about that#the seventh heroine? yeah it was just a guy whatever#link and sidon? how dare you sidon is a MARRIED MAN now#the placement of botw in the timeline? all you have to know is you're all right and you're all wrong <333#ganondorf? lol + lmao#nintendo we can't sustain ourselves on building dickmen on wheels and korok torture device until the next release#“gameplay over story” can build strong communities too#but I just think you have wildly misfired in that particular case#especially since you patch away the various creative uses of ultrahand to break the intended flow of your game#you want a gameplay over story community and then remove tools for speedrunners? ???? what the hell do you WANT nintendo#genuinely
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the x files au where everything is exactly the same except mulder takes home the child neanderthal from the jersey devil episode and raises them as his own
#you could make this super fun and invoke a sense of deep Guilt on behalf of mulder because he feels he got the mom neanderthal killed#and then you can also make it fun in “c'mon sport let's go throw the ball around kind of way”#i imagine him at the library checking out books on early humanoid species and how to parent at the same time#the librarian silently checking the books out and wondering what on earth this man could possibly be needing such resources for#imagine scully's reaction to this. i can't quite place it beyond initial Disbelief and then subsequent trying to be as supportive as she ca#and she would probably be also very Nerdy about the whole thing. because she strikes me as someone well-read on the subject and fascinated#we also know she at least has some experience wrangling children which would be relevant#i imagine a bunch of anthropologists perpetually hovering over the child to study him but they have to be Chill and not disrupt his life#so the kid just grows up thinking they have a ton of really cool and supportive aunts and uncles over all the time#meanwhile they scientists are taking notes furiously as they see if he can adapt to playing a gameboy with the other kids#idk someone probably thought of this idea before but it's funny to me#why would the kid go to him and not someone far more qualified? idk i'm just playing pretend in my brain :)#this thought was prompted by me wondering if you time traveled and brought an early humanoid to the modern era do you think the kid#would still play minecraft? i say yes. probably.#i saw a post about something similar years ago and i wonder about it. i hope you would like cartoons and subway surfers neanderthals.#1x05#fox mulder#the x files#txf
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does anyone want to join me on the aventurine/argenti train. it's got all the perks of being as funny as any other argenti ship - especially given the random absurdity of their first meeting. what the hell was argenti doing in the depths of the nihility? who even knows anymore man. but like also i think it has the potential to be really sweet?
aventurine hasn't let anyone In since his sister died. he's long since forgotten how to Trust, and Love, and how to BE Loved. and this, combined with enormous amounts of survivor's guilt and trauma and being treated as an object, has really done a number on his self-esteem. he doesn't act like it (because he's learned that it's dangerous to be vulnerable; it's the one gamble he's not willing to take), but 2.1 gave us that glimpse into his inner dialogue and it is Bad in there
between his conversation with acheron, the note veritas left for him, and finding a sense of closure in the apparition of his younger self, he's on track to becoming better. we can see it in the way he pretty much immediately reaches out to the trailblazer to get some things off his chest once he gets his phone working again. and the way he's accepting what is basically a form of therapy from the doctors of chaos. but his self-hatred has been building up for years, and it's going to take a long time to unpack and unlearn all of that
so like, in comes argenti, right? he's a loud show-off, but he is SO earnest. he sees the beauty in everything and everyone. he's kind, and gentle, and so full of love. he also comes off as a bit... lonely to me? he's spent so much of his life chasing after idrila's shadow, and only catching a glimpse of them in his many near-death experiences (and isn't that something to think about...........). he's not like, secretly miserable or faking or anything - i think his exuberance is 1000% genuine. but humans are social creatures; everyone wants and requires at least some form of closeness and intimacy. to have a love to pursue in This realm... someone he can see and hold without needing to have one foot in an early grave . i think that would be good for him. that's all
anyway, it's clear that argenti was pretty enchanted by aventurine
like yeah that's kind of just how he talks normally but !?@,%&#& that's a lot of awfully romantic things to say about one specific person out of the several you apparently rescued (??????? god i love this guy he makes no sense. literally why are you even here bud). it seems that aventurine's more subdued state left an impression on him too, and well wouldn't it be pretty in character for him to start popping in randomly... as he does, because he can apparently just go wherever the fuck he wants. to check on this sad yet oh so beautiful peacock.. to try to bring a true smile to his face... to show him how kind and beautiful the universe can be......
i think aventurine might have a hard time laughing off offers of comfort and company and the beginnings of a courtship if it comes from someone like argenti. this man couldn't be disingenuous if he tried. he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve as much as he rips it out of his chest to show you. it'll be a learning curve regardless - aventurine is too used to needing to constantly prove his worth to keep anyone around and to keep them from hurting him
but do you see it. do you see the vision. do you see how Sweet this could be. aventurine is about to receive more roses than he'll know what to do with
#i spent enough time on this that i think i can...#honkai star rail#argenti#aventurine#aventi... argenturinenope i hate this one actually#avegenti. dude i don't know don't ask me i'm just the messenger#like can i just say that what most ratiorine shippers are trying to squeeze out of that would be better found Here.#i don't mind the ship as much as i used to. veritas is kinder than i gave him credit for. i can even enjoy it if done right#but like#? veritas may be kinder than i originally thought but he's not that kind.#he's harsh truths and tough love. he started to soften after aventurine's unexpected death sentence and he has the potential to soften more#but guys i don't think a ratiorine relationship that takes place so soon after the events of penacony or god forbid BEFORE-#is going to go that smoothly#veritas has his head pretty deep in his own ass. it's going to take him a bit to get that out#he's more likely to hurt aventurine and send him right back into his defensive shell than he is to actually help him along his recovery#and/or aventurine is likely to dismiss any of his attempts to be more forthcoming with his feelings because of his perceived dislike for hi#and just how their working relationship always was Before#if you want to talk about that and the messy struggle to be better for each other after they stomp all over the other's heart#i'm all ears man.#but if you want something that's softer from start to finish and not so stressful... listen to me. argenti and aventurine is where that's a#i think both options are appealing tbh? in their own ways
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the first two episodes of night court are better than entire seasons of some shows
#and thats even considering im watching the gunchy 480p copies i pirated but rest assured the complete dvd box set will soon be mine#but ohhhhhh my godddd. you know#saw those first two episodes for the second time last night and man theyve just got it all#your main character is a 6'4 guy that uses any surface as a chair and this leads to unparalleled imagery#only the 2nd episode and we get a dan classic like 'youre a mythical kind of guy'. dannnnnnn#2nd episode already getting a guest star appearance and a christmas episode?? (close enough it doesnt actually take place then but still)#and the emotions. the sentimentality . no wonder they got my ass the first time i saw those two episodes#anyway . save me silly fictional characters#the day i fix the dvd drive on my laptop/find an easy gifmaking method/get some dvds its all over
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I don’t get on tumblr much since I had a baby. I actually don’t get into any fandom content as much as I’d like to anymore at all. So I only found out today about @cloudycaffeinatedcryptid passing away. I’m devastated I am for her family and friends, the news is absolutely heartbreaking. I only talked to Moth a couple of times while the original Quarry server was active, but I adored take me back and back again. I once sent her an ask wondering what the theme song to TMB&BA and she said either I’m gonna win by Rob Cantor or Notion by The rare occasions, and I think both ended up in my Spotify wrapped that year, so I picked a lyric from I’m gonna win for this. I just think like the influence your art has is felt further and deeper than you realise. I still listen to both of these songs and I’ll never not think of her when I do. Anyway I’m rambling now. Rest in peace Moth.
#cloudycaffeinatedcryptid#take me back and back again#I only really draw tattoo stuff these days so I’m a little rusty as digital colouring and stuff#but I felt like I had to make something you know? I felt like I kind of owed her that#ugh I’m all over the place grief is just shit man#she deserved more time you know
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeah……#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she would’ve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards we’ve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#it’s kinda like the criminal justice system right. it’s like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystal’s such a good case to look at because she’s. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell I’ve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. she’s kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but she’s actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but she’s put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- she’s given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time she’s regained her memories and has a place in the agency it’s much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasn’t an example unto himself but he was a ‘clerical error’ not a ‘rightfully’ condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isn’t with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these ‘errors’ don’t happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know they’re not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit aren’t those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadn’t– do you think he would’ve been Okay? I think it would’ve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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