#just kill me i can't fucking handle that
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fuck weekly meeting
#we had a fucking 4.5 hour meeting in the afternoon#(and 1 hour in the morning)#6 different people with 6 different topics and fields to discuss#brain exploding sfx#just kill me i can't fucking handle that#how am i alive#everyone is upset in the end why do we make all meetings happen on monday#no i didn't even do the draft im drawing a titan and im straight to bed leap of faith style face down slapping on my pillow#anyway idk if im gonna wake up at 10pm or 4am goodnight#destiny 2#destiny titan#destiny warlock#destiny 2 art#my art#(edit: okay maybe not entirely different fields but still every change of topic makes me more detached from reality#(i typed this on a my bed and mobile tumblr doesnt have the best tag editing feature so fuck it im just gonna append this
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I am always thinking TimJay thoughts related to the fact that they have matching scars from getting their throats slit, and not only that, but Jason slit Tim's throat first in an attempt to threaten Bruce, where Tim was nothing more than a pawn for Jason to use to emotionally manipulate Bruce.
batman (1940) #618
And then, just a little while later when Jason is trying to confront Bruce and do his whole dramatic moment with Joker in UTRH, and Bruce slits Jason's throat to stop Jason from killing the Joker.
batman (1940) #650
It makes me so Unwell. They have literal matching scars. When do you think Jason realizes it? When do you think, while running his fingers over the scar he has to always remind himself that Bruce was willing to jeopardize Jason's own life just to save the Joker, Jason realized it was the same scar *he* gave Tim? And does it click for him too, that he and Tim are a lot alike? Being used as pawns in Bruce's game? And for the first time he maybe understands Tim Drake, just another kid trying to get Bruce's attention and approval? And Jason did to Tim exactly what Bruce did to Jason? And that's part of what spurns on Jason's obsession with Tim, trying to "save" Tim from Bruce's ideology?
When they finally get together does it make Jason even more possessive? He put that mark on Tim and now he has his own to match. It's the closest to being understood and loved he's ever felt when Tim runs his fingers over Jason's scar at the same time Jason touches Tim's. Mirrors of each other, in a fun, fucked up little way.
#jaytim#timjay#batcest#tim drake x jason todd#jason todd x tim drake#necrotic festerings#i would've included the proper panel where the batarang slits jasons throat but i've gotta be so honest with you#i can't fucking take that panel seriously. the art is *so* bad. why does jason's face look like that.#it ruins what should be one of the most important moments in jason and bruce's history. everytime i look at it i either laugh or cry#anyway it makes me unwell that jason scars tim first bc i usually see ppl mix this moment up with the titans tower moment#which would make it post-utrh#but no it's from batman: hush which comes first which is so much more fun for me when it comes to jason coping#like first you have to handle knowing the man you saw as a father bataranged your throat to save the guy who killed you#and then you realized he incidently gave you a scar that now matches the scar you gave the replacement you fucking hate?#i'd also be so unwell about it i'd go beat tim's ass at titans tower.#in my timjay little mind this is the true state of jason's complicated weird feelings about tim#the realization they have the same scar forces him to reevaluate his gut reaction to tim's existence#and thus his spiral into obsession and testing tim then trying to recruit tim begins.#i did in fact post this instead of writing fanfic don't mind it. i'm having a time. i'm also avoiding doing dishes.#i like ships besides timjay i SWEAR they're just on the mind as of recent
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Can I be real for a second? I don't think L giving a foot massage to Light was very in-character of him. Like manga!L would've totally scoffed at how pathetic anime!L appeared when he did that.
I like the rain scene bc it's really pretty (also Light MOANS bc of L? *sighs* yeah i ship lawlight) but I'm always so ?? at anime!L's behavior? The anime made L way too melancholic and y'know self-deprecating kinda guy. In contrast, manga!L (whom I love to death) is so so confident in doing what he's doing and has the time of his life during the Kira case as he's intellectually challenged (by Light) as he figures out the case little by little.
I don't get where the anime creators got the idea that L is a very sad character who cares about justice so much so that he's actually Justice itself? Manga!L enjoys solving cases. I'm not saying that L doesn't care about justice at all- just that he cares more about winning.
So, the anime creators looked at a character who cares about winning (& his own ego) than everything else and decided to... make him give a foot massage to his nemesis (surprise surprise bible symbolism featuring L as Jesus *🤮* coming up) apparently due to accepting Light's (boy's first debut as Judas) 'betrayal' how can there be betrayal when there was no trust between them in the first place and saying "It is the least I can do to atone for my sins"...
The only way I could've made a little sense of this is if L was mocking Kira with that line but the anime just had to go above & beyond to make it (L's actions) seem too genuine for that to be true. which is. so. FRUSTRATING
Manga!L wouldn't have done anything like that. Not even ironically (he'd have thought it to be below him for pretending to be accepting his defeat mockingly to Kira). Even Manga!L's not enough of a bastard to try to compare himself with Jesus (and just after knowing (god knows how) that he's going to die)- like that's too stupid omg: even for a mockery.
Does he actually think that Light would pick up on the (him as Jesus) symbolism and be like 'oh no! L is too noble like Jesus to die by my betrayal i'm such a bad judas how come i NEVER NOTICED THIS BEFORE'... and decide to spare L's life? Or embrace his inner Judas like the bad bitch he is and finish L for that godawful mockery of Jesus?
Whenever I think about Anime!Light's in-character reaction I crack up as it would be smth like 'wow this guy who graduated summa cum laude from torture university is pretending to be Jesus? lol what a real piece of work. would've expected better from you L: so pathetic lmao i hope rem kills you soon i'm so done with you rn- rip 💀'
Manga!L (if he knew he were going to die (don't know how that's possible in the anime; still we're talking about how the anime creators seem to see L as Jesus so ~anything is possible~) that is) would never go 'guess i'll die' accept his defeat offering a foot massage to his enemy and inwardly throw a pity party being all "… It'll be lonely, won't it?" GIRL you were the one going on & about how you'd EXECUTE Kira once you catch him on live tv (also saying that you'd bring Kira's head to the task force) I REALLY doubt you'd feel lonely if either one of you were to die- that (killing each other) was the point!!
Manga!L is a selfish character: he values his victory above all else so the anime making him accept defeat that easily + gracefully doesn't sit well with me.
#death note#l lawliet#light yagami#manga vs anime#manga!L#anime!L#anime!Light#the rain scene#the foot massage scene#yes i ship lawlight; no i don't think the rain scene was very faithful to L's character in the manga; yes we exist#as you can see i rlly RLLY don't like anime's take on L: i prefer the og manga!L :)#anime!L just isn't my cup of tea#manga!L's confidence in his assholery is much rather appreciated#i keep thinking about how i don't like certain parts of dn anime: the first of which being this rain scene#the second being how the anime handles Sayu's kidnapping and Light's reaction to it#but that's a can of worms i'll open later#i can't shut up apparently so here's a teaser: Light wouldn't have MURDERED Sayu OH MY GOD READ THE GODDAMN MANGA#in which he bends over backwards to protect her! and succeeds!! (at the cost of losing the death note to Mello) would you look at that??#yeah i'm aware anime!Light doesn't kill Sayu but the way he's shown seriously considering it#(and choosing to let her live only so as to not increase suspicion)#leaves me so ANGRY#SAYU MEANS A LOT TO LIGHT OK?#he would not fucking do that#aaaaand....end rant#p#my meta#sorta#100
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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next month me and my grandma are going to visit my godfather who lives in Spain, but instead of being excited (it's gonna be my second time abroad in my life) I'm anxious af, because even though I'm an adult I live with my parents and I need to tell my father about it. normal parents would - y'know - be happy that their children have opportunity to visit another country, but instead he's gonna be insufferable about it, because it's my mom's side of family and he despises my uncle. but what is he gonna do? kick me out of the house even though he promised that as long as I'm studying or working I don't need to worry about such thing, humiliate me as usual, tell me that I'm childish and spoiled or make my mom's life a living hell again? I'm aware of the fact that the longer I'm putting it off the worse his reaction is gonna be, but I'm just not mentally able to tell him that, because I don't know how he will react. I don't need any money from him, I don't have to use my phone during this trip (I dunno how the roaming and stuff work), I just want to be sure he's gonna behave like a proper human being towards my mom and my siblings when I won't be at home and not act like a total asshole while talking with me about it.
#i know that at my age i should be more mature and handle such situations better but as long as he's the way he is it's impossible#why can't both my parents be normal#and the fact that i wasn't able to get any summer job this year isn't making it any better because i know it's gonna be one of his argument#(czaicie to że nawet do żabki mnie nie chcieli. dosłownie emotional i brain damage)#'you didn't work so from where do you get the money for that'#don't worry definitely not from you because you can't even pay for my monthly train ticket to college#and at the same time have the audacity to call me dumb for commuting there instead of living in that city#while knowing that neither me nor mom can afford renting anything without your help#(okay i'm a bit exaggerating in my mom's case but she earns much less than him and he still makes problems with literally anything#even buying food even though he's in a very good financial situation and there are times when my mom has to make everything work all alone#because he's getting mad at her out of nowhere and only pays the bills that fortunately aren't that bad in our case)#(and unfortunately the bills include my telephone subscribtion because all of our numbers are in some kind of special offer where you pay#much less for one number when they're registered for one person so it's another problem in this situation because when i offered paying for#mine he refused and probably it'll be his another argument for becoming mad that i dare to spend time with the part of family that cares#about me unlike majority of his relatives)#i hope that at least when academic year starts i'll be able to get any part-time job on the weekends so i can save up more money#although i'm not sure if i'm gonna move out in the nearest future. i mean he's fucking insufferable and toxic but i just can't leave my mom#and especially siblings there even though i can't even fucking protect them from literally anything. at this point i'm just powerless.#there are times when he tries to change for the better but then he starts creating problems on purpose and everything is coming full circle#and the sole thought that my little siblings would tell me that i just ran away from this problem is fucking killing me.#niedziela wieczór i humor niegituwa. zawsze kurwa kurwa coś.#chuj idę słuchać myslovitz#pau.txt
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thinking about superheroes unfortunately
#random thoughts#let me daydream about batman in peace#love the dynamic between spiderman and deadpool#it's that kind of dynamic i love where two people have power over each other in different ways#like spiderman is a well-loved public figure and deadpool's idol while deadpool is a dangerous mercenary with regeneration powers#physically deadpool probably outmatches spiderman through sheer dogged perseverance#while in the public eye spiderman is more well-liked AND deadpool is feverishly obsessed with him#i'm gonna keep forgetting the hyphen between spider and man btw fuck the world#loving the idea of a spiderman who KNOWS deadpool can do better and believes in him while deadpool gives him a space where HE can be himsel#like spiderman has so many masks he has to put on around other people#i think deadpool should be one of the few people he can truly let himself loose around#yknow before he can get to a point where he can reveal he's peter parker#also i think peter parker in his ideal state suffers from severe identity and self confidence issues#like he thinks spiderman is a seperate persona he puts on which is superior to himself in every way#(okay seperate thought: DID spiderman. the spider bite being so traumatic it led to him creating a split personality to cope.)#(or separate. whatever.)#also age difference. peter should be in his mid-twenties while deadpool should be in his thirties. need more power imbalance#also they're both sa survivors and their personalities could be interpreted as them handling it in vastly different ways#with deadpool being hypersexual and spiderman being flirtatious yet distant and peter parker being borderline celibate#though honestly i could leave spiderman being an sa survivor given it was a whole 'gay people are all predators' psa#also i think spiderman should have been held back in high school. due to struggles relating to being spiderman#so he graduated late and now he's going to community college#peter parker has the luxury of going incognito. wade wilson will always be stared at no matter what he's wearing#deadpool who every superhero hates. spiderman who every superhero organization is trying to recruit desperately#also i think peter should admire wade. physically. built like a brick shithouse that one#also the third act low point CAN'T be about spiderman feeling guilty because deadpool kills people#okay? it's overdone. we've seen it. it's lame#i prefer when their opposing views on murder are treated in a more 'death penalty or no' way rather than assuming deadpool is always wrong#because spiderman's idyllic 'people can change' beliefs can be just as wrong as deadpool's 'assholes deserve to die' beliefs#and spiderman has definitely killed people are you kidding me. both accidentally and on purpose
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Being disabled and relying on someone who sees you as a burden is not something I'd recommend
#atlas adventures#“you're a legal adult”#“either be grateful or get your own transportation”#i am grateful. you just make me late every goddamn time. i almost missed it two weeks ago because you can't balance your schedule#also. i'm autistic and got a d- in online driver's ed. i didn't even pick up my permit because anxiety + covid#also also. we don't have an extra vehicle even if i did have a license#“ride the fucking show bus” you're telling someone with clinical anxieth to call a service from out of town and so.ehow get the money to PA#she then told me to fuck myself no less than five times#yeah she gave me her phone to call my therapist because i've had no service for a WEEK but i knew i'd break her phone so i said no#then she screamed at me AGAIN to not expect her to pay the cancelation fee#this is literally your fault why WOULDN'T you pay it#if i don't get online after today it's because i killed myself because i already can't handle everything and this made everything worse
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Seeing ppl say parkour civ is better than pvp civ makes me want to vomit
#cant two divas coexist#also youre just saying that bcz y'all can't handle a little bit of 2nd hand embarrassment#anyways im pvp civs biggest defender#if pvp civ has 1 million fans- one of them is me. if pvp civ has 1 fan- its me. if pvp civ has 0 fans- im in heaven still watching pvp civ#i <3 pvp civ#i love mc stories of infinite cycles of pain where the protag must hurt others to progress (pvpciv & redstoner)#ig Redstoner didn't HAVE to#but#he didn't have another choice he was mentally unstable and the red sun (real or fake either way) was pressuring him#BUT IN YHR REBOOT#he didn't have a choice- nor did he know it would kill him- but there was no other way to progress that situation#what situation i hear you ask?#WHO FUCKING KNOWS#ROSS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED#I NEED TO KNOW WJY HE DIED ORHOW OR ANYTHINGGGGG#PLEASEEEEEEE#why am i yapping abt an ancient mcyt rp on my post abt new mcyt rp i forgot
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IDW1 must take place on an alternate Earth where no one has ever heard of ACAB and everyone wears "thin blue line" merchandise because there's literally no other way that a single Autobot killing a USAmerican cop in self defense would be such worldwide news that even Mexican journalists would go "OMG???? You like, killed a cop?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?" and it wasn't even framed as like, "you killed a human," the phrasing every time any character talked about it was very specifically "he killed a cop".
The cop was also threatening to shoot a group of surrendering/not-attacking/injured Autobots btw which is just the icing on the cake honestly lmao
#yeah i still think about how that plot point's handling in phase 2 was fucking dumb#you can't convince me that if a usamerican cop got shot by an alien people wouldn't be making memes about it#ppl would be making memes like 'you know a pig is a pig because he'll even shoot alien robots when they're surrendering'#i'm also mad bc the gun that that cop had was a replica of cybertronian guns that meg spread among earth's populace#and what's worse is spike and this other guy literally HEARD M EXPLAIN HIS EVIL PLAN ABOUT THIS#but somehow in phase 2 literally no one ever brings it up ever again#like not even spike brings up the whole 'yeah M had mind controlling guns that he did specifically to destabilize the population'#he was just like 'nah that autobot shot a cop the autobots are evil now'#but like. i wanna make the earth ac/ab memes so badly lmao#you know that ppl would be making 'officer down' jokes about some cop getting killed by an alien robot#don't try to tell me that it's bc they're alien robots people would suddenly support the US#ppl literally make 9/11 jokes bc they hate the US that much don't even try to tell me earth would suddenly unite over a usamerican cop#getting shot on the job no less#and this is also a story written by barber who's literally the ac/ab writer that gave OP shit for being a cop so like#it's honestly so baffling. like was he trying to make a point about police brutality#bc jazz is black coded and he killed a cop so that's why barber wrote everyone hating jazz for it?#idek it's just another one of those stupid plot contrivances i hate and make me unable to take the rest of the story seriously
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guy who was talking over the (critically acclaimed) show/movie & scrolling through his phone the whole entire time: yeah it was fine i guess. i don't get the hype
me: i am going to kill you in real life
#why do people do this#if you do this you aren't allowed to complain about how people are too attached to technology. pot meet kettle#dude the pause button has been around for decades & you can't figure out how to fucking work it#i have adhd btw so don't @ me with the ''this is ableist because hurr durr'' shut up. shut. up. i'm going to kill you#you aren't judging the movie you're judging your experience of scrolling through twitter with background noise. you absolute buffoon#you fucking idiot. i'm going to kill you#no wonder people don't go to the movies anymore. ignoring the prices they probably couldn't handle actually watching something#instead of just using it as background noise#throttling every person who does this. until they are dead
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saw the "who's your most underrated Kleypas hero" question getting bandied about (again) today, and I must say, the only answers I'll accept are:
--John McKenna/Again the Magic (I'd argue that AtM is not the DEEP CUT newer Kleypas readers think it is; before I read it, it was definitely upheld as a classic of hers, but people who want the softer boys she writes in the Ravenels... may not like this one; however, McKenna fucks RIDICULOUS lbr)
--Alex, Lord Raiford/Then Came You (yes... he calls her a bitch.... and I'll be real this made me love him more... he carried her over his shoulder outta Craven's and bought her a bear I'm VERY confident in this choice)
--Kev Merripen/Seduce Me at Sunrise (thought he'd kill Win with his massive dick, tied her up and took her to his fuck cottage, is Heathcliff if Heathcliff wasn't horrible basically)
--Leo Hathaway/Married by Morning (fun bout wounded king, "haha" in the streets and "oh shit" in the sheets, notable for making Catherine ask him to touch her pussy in explicit and specific language)
#romance novel blogging#besides rhys winterborne............ ravenel heroes are kinda mid! i'll be honest!#'but what of five feelings tom' his book bored me i'll try it again someday#west ravenel is the greatest disappointment of my life#gabriel and keir struggled under the weight of their father's slutty slutty legacy#devon was fine. but only fine.#don't even talk to me about ethan#mostly bc i don't remember a single defining feature#i just think the ravenels is a perfectly fine series#but to me it is truly dumbed down kleypas#it's kleypas for people who can't handle sebastian kidnapping lillian#or derek craven fucking that sex worker#or derek craven doing a minor stranglehold on a very bad lady#or alex calling lily a bitch (THERE ARE REASONS)#or kev refusing to take responsibility for tittygate bc he was very down on himself and also bc his dick might kill her#or mckenna spending literal years plotting aline's downfall lmao#leo is honestly p normal but he WAS a sad alcoholic!!!#(never mind westcliff being like 'well she seems into when she's blackout and that's good enough for me')#i just think the ravenels was written with the idea of appealing to people who don't go hard w historicals basically#and that doesn't mean you can't like it! i like several! including the one everyone hates!#but even the ones i like.... aside from MW i feel like there's some magic missing#and i think the magic is a lack of inhibition#and don't get me wrong lol she published bad books before the ravenels#books much worse than the ravenels#but like. idk. i just don't know how you can read like the ravenels#then go back and read the wallflowers or DoY or AtM#and not notice... a quality difference
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🙃.
#i'm in this headspace where i'm itching to organize my entire blog again#atp i should just delete this whole thing :D /j#i badly want to have a directory that's as my private/personal blog#*as organized#but i just entertain so much shit in this main one that it's hard to keep track#and i know to myself that i'm not religious in tagging bc i get lazy i hate it#but i do want to keep it organized :') it kills me to look at my blog just to see that it's such a fucking mess#thats accurate representation tho hah like that's how my brain looks like#so scattered#chaotic academia at its finest#i want my blog to be a meaningful archive and it just can't happen with everything just mindlessly dumped here#i'm not sure if i have the discipline to organize this thing#IS THERE ANYWAY TO JUST MASS DELETE EVERYTHING?#or should i just let this be :D#there's been such a drastic change in things i constantly reblog that my previous tag guide is just pointless :'D#i also can't handle tagging too much bc it's such a bore!!! T_T#toff.txt
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Like. I don't want to die. I just want to like. Stop existing as a person for a week or two. Or maybe a month. Step out of the flow of time and just do nothing other than nap for a long while. I want to be able to put things on pause until I don't feel burnt out dead on my feet anymore because I feel like I did when I nearly collapsed in public after having 2 days off and it still not being enough rest and I had to quit my job because of it.
#ramblings of an arrow#I am working 2 jobs and going to school right now and it's killing me I think#I was handling it okay until the election and then I just. God fucking damnit I can barely will myself out of bed in the mornings right now#I am so bone weary tired#I was really holding on to the hope that Harris would win just like. so hard.#I didn’t realize how much of my like. ability to be motivated to do things. was tied up in that.#like all the things Im doing to try and better our future feel. useless now.#i know they arent#but it definitely feels like they'll have much less of a beneficial impact than they would've if Harris had won the election#like hi I work at a non profit organization specifically working to help teens of color#objectively a good thing#I am just like worried about how long that is even gonna be allowed to continue under a Trump presidency#everything feels like it is falling apart#and I know I am just one of millions of people that feels like this#which just kinda. makes it worse.#can't anyone get a break#I hate this stupid fucking world where governments don't give a shit that people are dying#I want to live in a kinder reality#i want all of us to live in a kinder fucking reality#why is that too much to ask
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I'M NORMAL ABOUT HIM I'M NOT SCREAMING I'M NORMAL ABOUT HIM I'M NOT SCREAMING I'M NORMAL ABOUT HIM I'M NOT SCREAMING I'M NORMAL ABOUT HIM I'M NOT FUCKING SCREAMING OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD CALLUM FUCKING NEWMAN STOP BEING SO SQUISHY
#callum newman is going to kill me someday he's just so cute#Callum Newman#THIS DIVA#njpw#united empire#I fucking hate you for being so pretty#like can you STOP PLEASE#for my own sake and sanity please stop#I can't handle this#going feral
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Something I see frequently is fans wanting characters like Elle Greenaway or Nathan Harris to return as unsubs in Criminal Minds, which. I'll be completely honest, I hate the idea for a lot of the suggested characters because it feels so undeniably tragic and hopeless that someone will inevitably become a killer, even if they don't want to become one. Yes, a lot of the unsubs have some kind of tragic backstory, but the thing is that they're still awful people (excluding very very few). I feel like having previous characters return as the unsub paints this picture that you're unable to break the cycle of violence or that you're destined to become a monster, which is just such a honestly tragic message, especially for a show that's already pretty dark.
I'm not opposed to characters reappearing, but I'd much prefer that if those characters appeared again that it'd be in the vein of them having undergone some kind of healing and growth and be able to find themselves some kind of peace and satisfaction in where they are in life. Let them reappear, but don't transform them into monsters but a symbol of the healing and growth available to survivors and the other characters.
#criminal minds#elle greenaway#nathan harris#don't get me wrong i get WHY ppl want it#like elle as an unsub would (admittedly in previous years when her teammates were still there) have been a v dramatic and interesting story#but at the same time... let her heal. she went through some really traumatic stuff and wasnt able to handle it and walked away#let her heal and find peace and leave behind the violence#or nathan harris! like that one admittedly always bugs me bc the idea that a kid who tried to kill himself rather than hurt someone#ends up ultimately becoming a killer anyways is genuinely so tragic and devasting and just hopeless#i just feel like a lot of these perpetuates the idea that you can't break the cycle of abuse or violence#or that you're unable to overcome the difficulties in your life or mind and your fate is sealed#which is genuinely the most fucking tragic ass theme that i've ever heard#like is that really what people want the show's message to be?#no matter how hard you try you will inevitably become what you fear and/or you will perpetuate the violence you experienced#i HATE that message#its why i really dislike how multiple characters reappear later as unsubs especially characters like lindsey vaughn and david smith#like what is the implication here? you're destined to continue the cycle of violence that your parents began?#you'll never be free from the violence you witnessed? you were just a child but your fate has been sealed anyways?#especially with so many of our mcs as well having dealt with serious trauma in their past#are they also destined to become their parents/abusers?#it just feels like a v hopeless message tbh which doesnt feel great when the show is already pretty dark#instead of characters coming back as unsubs i'd love to see them be able to help as teachers or guidance counselors or therapists#or anything really tbh like. show me that they're able to find peace despite what was done to them.#show me that while the trauma may be a part of you it is not all you are
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my entire family goes to bed at 9:30 because i live with fucking old people (im joking. somewhat.) and from then on i have to move around the house quietly. this wouldn't be a problem except that my door is incredibly and uniquely fucked up and nigh impossible to open even remotely quietly
#and it can't be left open because the cat will beeline into my room and make my life hell#every door in my house is absolutely fucking horrible in its own way but my room is really bad#the doorknob is like. dislocated. or just made for a much thicker door because the middle part of it is like 3 cm too long#and i either have to align it carefully or pull on it (makes a very loud sound) and then using a very specific amount of pressure turning#while continuing to pull on it so it won't pop#oh and i can technically open it turning both directions but going right makes it pop so fucking loud it's actually ridiculous#the very unpleasant sound of painted metal on painted metal#kiwifae says shit#my partner of two years is just getting the hang of my bedroom door#my friend came over and literally got stuck in the bathroom cuz she couldn't make the door open again#she literally tried for a few seconds and then just yelled for me 😭#that door also pops open randomly sometimes. i do not know why. it didn't use to.#back when the front door was still semi functional i had to fish the literal latch out of the cavity in the lock with a screwdriver cuz my#mom kept slamming the door and misaligning it even though we told her that's what fucks it up#we can only deadbolt that door now. it literally won't close otherwise. (that's how we lost the cat for five days!)#(back when it still semi worked i was the only one who knew how to close it at just the right strength so it would stick but not fall out)#((why isn't there an eye twitch emoji))#but our other outside door exclusively has a deadbolt. that's the only mechanism.#i'm the fucking door wizard in my house and i cannot WAIT to move somewhere where i have functional semi modern door handles#gawd bless i want to kill my fucking landlady
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