#just kidding but ppl in my family have acted like that with me lol

[yuzuvrse]

Can we have some of ur mouthwashing headcanons for the tulpar crew? (Can be about anything btw) The brain worms are getting hungry again I fear… 😞

-ig ill be 🪷 anon if it’s not taken yet?

HELLOOO BABYYYY sorry this took so long i was dying bc of my finals </3 but anyways welcome 🪷 anon to the family!!!!!! these hcs ended up so unserious LOL

the crew got banned from playing uno after anya nearly flipped the table when daisuke put down like five +4 cards in a row now they just stick to sorry!

swansea hums to himself when he's working, it's usually like old songs but recently daisuke's pop songs have been getting stuck in his head. (i think it would be unbelievably funny if swansea starts singing like the brainrot versions of songs js bc daisuke keeps playing them. yk like the 'oh the weather outside is rizzy, and the fire is so skibidi' LMAOSKJDSK

daisuke doesn't really have a specific music taste, he listens to a mix of everything. doesn't know how to answer when people ask him what his fave genre is so he tries to act cool and says he only listens to rap music.

anya had a wattpad phase. i can't explain further i can just FEEL it.

curly is actually a decent dancer. his mom sent him for dance classes as a kid and he has a good sense of rhythm. jimmy makes fun of him for this though so he doesn't ever mention it.

jimmy has rewatched american psycho probably more than 117 times. he watches it and he's like:

(i am currently watching + reading it for the first time and patrick bateman is literally jimmy to me.) more content utc!

anya is terrible in the kitchen. like seriously do Not let her in there or the house will burn down just from her boiling water or smth. it's okay tho i will be her housewife <3 (i can't cook either) she is also very good at tetris for some reason. she's a little forgetful so she usually writes things that she needs to remember on the back of her hands but by the end of the day they're all smudged smh. but also she always has perfect nails!

curly is one of those guys who's just naturally good at things. yk when people are like 'oh yeah i never practice' and it pisses you off? he's one of those guys. ik ppl say he's british but he's so american to me??? he was definitely the jock in highschool that every girl crushed on but he never even realised.

swansea is a dog person. he's chill w cats but he definitely prefers dogs. he likes how loyal they are, and i can see him having a massive dog like a st bernard at home waiting for him. but if his kids ever brought back a kitten or smth he'd be the one to be all 'you guys better take care of it bc i won't' but then you see him becoming besties with the cat LOL.

daisuke LOVES the beach. literally a water baby. he's very good at surfing, and always ends up with a tan that makes him look even more handsome bc it compliments his dyed hair so nicely. i think that he grew up in a big family w lots of cousins around where he would be one of the older kids, so he's very good w children as well. he somehow knows the best way to entertain them and keep them out of trouble. (primary school art teacher daisuke are you guys seeing my vision?!?!?!)

jimmy gets nightmares and thus has difficulty sleeping. he lies whenever curly asks him about it but those dark circles say otherwise. this might be random but i also think he's good at singing. in another world he could have been a sleazy rockstar but instead he went to space. are u guys seeing the visual of jimmy laying back in bed strumming his banged-up electric guitar... i hate this mf.

anyways that's all for now! i had a lot of fun w these hehe <3 hope you liked them!

[faunandfloraas]

The ratio is about 49 to 51.

[kavehater]

You know the reason why this feels like such an annoying thing to me is because I’m sooo the opposite of family oriented it’s crazy LOL

I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.

[ifyouknowmenahyoudontt]

MORE OF ME COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FANDOM

- i’ve seen so many ppl consider andromeda and sirius leaving from their family as an act of love for their muggle born partners. i don’t really like that ESP for sirius. it really downplays their morals and what they fought for.

- why is regulus the forth marauder? where tf did peter go

- if i see one more piece of content that makes sirius leaving the house of black about regulus im going to lose it. “ b-b-but how could he leave his baby brother🥺” that little baby brother was apart of a supremacist terrorist cult let’s be for real

-making characters like lily or remus in ships with those deatheaters assholes is WILD.

-andromeda is everything you want regulus to be give this girl the credit she deserves

-fanon regulus is cringe as hell. you all just took over characters story’s to make it his. he sucked.

-the moment someone brings up that a new ship/hdcs don’t make sense and ppl say “nothing is the hp universe makes sense” i lose a year off my life. let’s use our little heads and figure out that even in a fantastical world. things.can.still.make.sense.with.the.plotline.

- some of the regulus/evan/barty and whatever ways fans are like the WHINIEST fandom i have ever seen. can’t take any (valid btw) criticism on their weird little fetishes and act like they’re being oppressed when people don’t like the same thing as them. not all of you guys obv but a LOT

- “if you don’t like it just scroll” no? some things are objectively wrong and bad and should be discussed grow up

-this fandom is turning into a booktok porn addiction fandom

-a fandom is a place of discussion. people not liking fictional characters and talking about it is not going to kill you

-james’s character got dumbed down so BADLY by all the jegulus nonsense like james being kind of a simp in canon was because his love for LILY was pure and strong. they have a whole ass prophecy.

-making every character queer isn’t doing what you think it’s doing. and frankly idgaf if you make this character queer if that character is a horrible person. doesn’t make them more likable or interesting.

-there is a deep rooted issue of misogyny in this fandom.

-saying that jegulus is not going against lily as a character is not true. fanon regulus is literally lily but like racist. jegulus is literally jily.

-lily evans can love james potter and still be a strong character these two are not linked at all

-dorlene/jily/wolfstar where the sanest ships in the fandom. maybe add rose killer on there cus frankly since it doesn’t change much the characters or storyline it’s okay

-remember when regulus was ace? why did that get completely forgotten

-some of the fancasts did irreparable damage to people’s brains. because hot doesn’t mean better person

-james potter would punch most of the people you ship him with

- jegulus fics where harry is there kid and lily is a surrgate/barely in the pic is CRAZY

-mary is so sexualized? like why

- sirius was canonically better looking than regulus lol

-the black family can be explored so much more besides just the regulus glaze

-REGULUS BARELY CONTRIBUTED TO VOLDMORT BEING DEFEATEDDDDS PLEASE

- some of the new sapphic ships are actually good. nobleflower is very interesting.

[fumifooms]

Marchil crumbs Part 4

Part 1 - Part 2 - part 3 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7 - part 8

Broskis remember when while madly blushing Chilchuck said he’d introduce his family to Marcille, and she madly blushed back thinking she really really wanted to meet them. Marchil W today

Dreams do come true girl!!

The full double page spread has the rest of the Laios party at the table too but i think having the whole picture distracts from the one just this section tells. Marcille is so happy to finally meet them!! Flushing with joy and awe! And chilchuck flushing right back with self-consciousness!!! Desperately trying to keep it casual. Tsundere man probably going "Ok so... This is Marcille my ex-coworker, and here are my daughters... She was really looking forward to meeting you guys but don’t read too much into it girls". The daughters being all dressed up and Puckpatti even bringing flowers and correcting Meijack hehe <3 I know it's because they're at the castle but omg, meeting the extended family energy. You knowww Marcille is gonna ask them so many questions, and try and get to know them…

Also I have remembered TODAY that Marcille has a stepdad… She prob has so many thoughts on being a stepmom then. Leaving it open as to what that could mean for marchil. She certainly acts enthusiastic about families and kids so doesn’t seem like there’s a complex there at least~

How it all started… Not very shippy I just think it’s funny and easy to miss. Her curiosity is PIQUED and what she thought she knew about Chilchuck is shattered. The bicorn chapter is really not long after this one so she must have thought so hard about how his home dynamic was like if she cooked up that ‘if I was Chilchuck’s wife’ rp so soon after & so effortlessly

Hm, you know how snooping into ppl’s personal lives is Marcille’s thing?? Isn’t that like… Not that true outside of Chilchuck though? Like, she never asked about Senshi’s backstory or really asked much of Laios either. We do see her asking their types in romance for example, but from remembrance that’s sort of where it ends. So she concentrates her focus on the nut toughest to crack, the most private and mysterious party member huh (no not Senshi obviously, Chilchuck!!)… Little ‘puzzle to crack’ guy, ‘resistant to being known deeper’ guy. I’m not over how she was salty that he opened up to Senshi more than with her lol

I think I’ve talked about it in the previous crumbs part but I think the bircorn chapter truly is the marchil chapter, and I wanna point out how Chilchuck reallyyyy fell from her esteem because "he cheated on his wife", leading to her being snippy with him during the chapter, BUT when push comes to shove she still hurried to his aid and worried for him and all. This might sound surprising, but I really like this! I think it’s great that Marcille wouldn’t coddle him if he fucked up and showed him a taste of consequences™️, but also not dropping him fully y’know, sticking through thick and thin even if she would not let shit fly. Seems like a healthy sort of devotion or companionship to me! Also her arc through the manga with Chilchuck is warping who he really is with idealization or preconceived notions mostly with his age and whatnot, so this feels like an important turning point of assessing him coldly as an adult who is not innocent at all… Before going right back to seeing him favorably and idealizing him as a great virtuous husband heh. It’s ok he’s harsh on himself he needs at least one person that believes in him hardcore let’s go <3 I’m going into really debatable grounds about morality and healthy vs unhealthy behavior lmao but yeah!! He recovered in her esteem, but she will not just give up on and leave behind this cringefail ass of a man even if he digs his hole so deep and so hard. He already got divorced once his partner would need some… Strong determination~ More on that right away

Which, what is this "I don’t want to look incompetent and I’ll even claim I’ve done things that make me look terrible to avoid it" because uuuuh, they both do it

Let's finally dig into the shapeshifters chapter! Lots of fun stuff to observe in there. Let's start with Marcille's side. There’s how, of course, Chilchuck's shapeshifter of her has her with sparkly hair with detailled shading, and how the reason she got eleminated was because of the spells in her spellbook don't match at all; Which means that personality wise, she was pretty convincing! We don't see just how well Chilchuck's vision of her match though since it didn't get much far. As we see with Laios’ shapeshifter clones, having an accurate shapeshifter is harder than one could think!

Easier to miss and more interesting though!! "It seems like Marcille B has awfully weak determination hmmm" implying Chilchuck thinks Marcille has a strong will. I think it’s especially telling when hand in hand with Chilchuck in an early chapter going "Oops not good I missed [that taking dead Kabru’s party’s wet food wasn’t the best moral decision], that’s Marcille for you." and such, where it seems like Chil sees her as someone who has strong convictions and admires/relies on her for it in some ways.

Funnily enough Chilchuck’s not the only one being flattering about the other's hair, because Marcille's shapeshifter of him's hair is... Fluffier? Throughout the whole chapter too so not just a one-off or a coincidence. Tempting to pat and carress perhaps? It's confirmed to be her shapeshifter of him with the page about it in the adventurer's bible, and it's the one that gets the furthest in the elimination! The lockpicking tools are, surprisingly, convincing enough, and the attitude is also convincing if not for the true Chilchuck being "nastier" lmao. It's idealization due to the fact she has a hard time stopping thinking of him as young, but in a way she both knows him well enough to be very convincing and idealizes him as being nicer than he actually is, not the worst I’ll take it. "Our Chilchuck is a lot nicer! 🥰" help

Have some more of Marcille praising Chilchuck

Defending her honor part 2

Ok now look at the Nightmares extra… Chilchuck would watch her series with her!! He enjoys her type of stories!! They’re on the same page even about plot points and the emotions each scenes inspire!! They would chat during watch parties!! Also this is something Marcille conjured up in her dreams so like, tbh very impressive. Chilchuck enjoying Marcille’s dream fiction isn’t something I ever expected but it sure happened

This is what a movie date would look like

I now declare lasagna the marchil dish. Seriously though I’m so curious as to what else Chilchuck’s pastas could be here. She’s fantasy italian it works out

What is that look Chilchuck… Is this life advice, love advice or what. Like it’s not just me he’s being a little suggestive right, he’s drawing a comparison to womanizers right- Okok so you, Chilchuck, say exactly what reward you want, so that makes you trustworthy ok got it. Lesson learned and she respects his professional boundaries & reassures him so he doesn’t feel as self-conscious/judged from then on.

Being on the same page and acting in perfect synchrony part 566

Looking out for the other part 307, featuring them panicking out of their minds lol (Chil is better at stress management it seems)

& Keeping the other in check part 255

I truly love how casually they treat dungeon lord Marcille. You may be under mind corruption magic and a boundless beacon of destruction at your whims right not but you’re still our cringefail Marcille and we need to look after you

Look at his smug-ass face at having successfully comforted and soothed her in the team effort

What’chu looking at loverboy. What’s up, is her face too close to you for your comfort?

Alright part 5 presumably NOT coming soon, i finally ran out of stuff to put on these hehe. Maybe the anime is gonna change that though

… And then the anime arrived and I already have stuff for a part 5. See you soon!!

part 5 is here broskis

[sculkcensor]

Quiiiiick (lying) analysis on a little theory I have about the 'species' (ig?) seen in QSMP

so on Quesadilla Island, we see two major sentient peoples. We have the census bureaus (CBs), of which we know Cucurucho, Osito, and the pink ears one, tho there may be more. There's also the faceless people, who I'll call Workers for simplicity tho they seem to encompass all residents of the island who aren't the players, not just fed staff.

The CBs may potentially have once been Workers, since they appear very similar, or indeed may have just been crafted to look like them. It's hard to say exactly what they are biologically, they may be robotic or not, too much to bother breaking down here but in summary it's not clear.

Conversely, Workers seem to be biological. They don't have the powers (flight, invis, etc). They eat and drink regularly, chat amongst themselves, get paid for their work, and importantly as we see from Walter Bob, can have families and children. They also seem to generally be free-thinking. They are as diverse as players personality-wise, but visually all look the same with a blank face, and communicating through books.

Fit's contractor also resembles a Worker.

Now onto the INTERESTING part, on Egg Island, we see three new 'creatures'.

We have the Watcher, who is a plain black entity with a single eye, twice the height of normal players. (I could go into the mythology significance here but I'm trying to keep this short lol). We have the Eye Worker, and we have the Little Buddies (LBs).

The eye worker is most likely to be a regular worker who defected to the Watcher's side. We know that Egg Island was once owned by the feds, and whilst we don't know the details, it's likely there were Workers on the island that remained when the Fed left. (alternatively, this could be the Worker that boated to the island, but that's less likely, we do see them dead and this eye worker has no black corruption.)

The ONLY visual differences we see between Workers beyond their clothes are player-created ones (Walter Bob's haircut), yet this Worker has a clear biological difference in that it has an eye. There's two potential routes from this: we can make a slightly jumping assumption that somehow, working with the Watcher gave it this eye - either a surgical change (it does have advanced equipment, tho there's no surgical implications) or a natural change a la the black corruption, something that just Happened to this guy because it works with the Watcher.

Alternatively, ALL the workers who lived on Egg Island could look like that, and they just have a general biological difference to Quesadilla Workers.

Where am I going with this - well. The LBs GREATLY resemble Workers, just small with eyes. We know Walter Bob at least had/has a child, and likely other Workers had children too.

People theorised that the LBs were the equivalent of Eggs, but I want to suggest - what if they are the children of Workers? Either the children of workers on Egg Island, or ones from Quesadilla that ended up there somehow? We know the rebels were trying to boat ppl off the island, and Egg Island is clearly not that far from Quesadilla. If the Watcher can make ppl have eyes, it would track that they could also have gained eyes. And they're not working for the Watcher as far as we see, and do act like little kids.

I'm not even going to start on Cucurojo or whatever we're calling it now, I don't even know what's going on there lmao but it does seem to be a similar entity.

En fin, this is just rambling speculation. But please guys, can we make it cool to like MCYT, so I can make a QSMP theory video on PT without my audience trying to kill me for it---

[velvetvexations]

I HAVR A LOT OF THOUGHYS ABOUT "BINARY PRIVILEGE"

a lot of exorsexism-focused blogs really rail that it's a real thing but from my perspective as a transandrogynous, unaligned nb, it isn't any different than saying transmascs experience transmasc privilege, or that theres such a thing as "afab" or "amab" privilege

there are a lot of situations in which nonbinary people struggle uniquely, where binary trans people may not, but this depends A LOT on the binary and nonbinary people involved. when i was a kid, a binary trans boy essentially used my offered friendship for his own coming out/self discovery (to my knowledge i was the only out trans person at my school at the time), dumped me as a friend entirely, and i wouldnt be so irritated if it wasn't for the fact that our schools' gsa treated him like he was the only trans person there. myself and another person that was questioning nonbinary CONSTANTLY were begging to be respected, to not be deadnamed and misgendered, and people were CONSTANTLY speaking over us. but they rarely deadnamed or misgendered him, and corrected themselves when they did.

i think experiences like this are where this idea of binary privilege comes from, but "privilege" implies access to systemic advantages that nonbinary people don't have, which is a slightly different conversation. this ftm boy did not have a supportive family, and much worse dysphoria than me. he was also deadnamed and misgendered and degendered by almost every teacher we shared, same as me. his being binary trans did not give him any actual material privilege over me. he was just treated differently in a certain context, where i was treated worse in that same context

another example people usually talk abt is clinics/doctors offering hrt to binary trans people but refusing to prescribe it to nonbinary trans people. i personally have never experienced this! i am very very lucky that i have access to a queer informed consent clinic with a robust financial aid program. i am lucky that my doctor is able to and willing to prescribe testosterone, and that he trusts my ability to guide my own transition. there are plenty of binary trans people all over that are not similarly lucky and there are a lot of reasons why both nonbinary and binary trans people get denied hrt. this is a case where exorsexism may uniquely affect the transphobia experienced as compared to a binary person experiencing the same transphobia, but it does not actually translate to "binary privilege" imo bc hrt is still being gatekept in this hypothetical. the differences deserve to be talked about, but acting as if binary trans people hold unique power over us is just... it's not true, and it makes it more difficult to actually have these conversations

(this isnt even getting into other factors like gender nonconformity or sexuality, like passing or not passing. my partner is nb transmasc and stealth; does he have binary privilege bc he is comfortable being read as a man and respected by our cis friends where i am not? do they experience exorsexism bc people refuse to acknowledge their nonbinary gender? where do we draw the line?)

hi back again abt binary privilege i DO think binary trans ppl on here especially never grew out of their transmed phases and when u see someone mocking or deriding "binary privilege" they usually end up being super exorsexist in my experience? that depends very heavily on the tone they use when talking about it, like theres a hugeee difference between "i dont agree that i experience privilege for being binary trans" and "can you believe the xe/xir catgenders are saying binary privilege is a thing" (though its often more subtl than that lol)

Thank you for your thoughts anon!

[mapletine]

silly celeb au concept sketches (wing photocard next week <3)

+ i have so many thoughts abt this au guys i need to be sedated (don’t open the cut unless u rly want more info bc. there's. A LOT. it will be a wall of incoherent rambling text im sorry)

ok first disclaimers: i know very little abt idols and even less abt modeling so!! if anything is horrifically inaccurate forgive me im stupid!! and also this will literally be stream of consciousness unedited so if it makes zero sense im very sorry

now we begin the madness

some background info: kite was scouted off the street (as he was walking off from pickpocketing someone LMAO) for his height and build, currently very sought after to model for many brands because he’s literally the same as the sketch models on paper so the designers don’t have to compromise on their clothing designs to fit the model, bc he just. looks exactly like the paper sketch. also the white hair is very distinctive!! and his prep/management team is his research team <3 he’s currently the face of several brands, including the zoldyck brand (i see the zoldycks as a very influential family in the fashion/modeling industry, kikyo was a former model until an accident, now she’s focusing on designing, all the kids are involved in the industry somehow, illumi is within the same agency (?is that how modeling works) as kite). he’s in his mid-twenties ish and hes 6'3" - 6'4" (190 - 193 cm)

wing and his idol group debuted a couple years ago (haven’t thought too much about the members, but im thinkin feitan maybe? kurapika?? shalnark?? idk guys maybe he’s a solo act) and they’ve skyrocketed to fame. uhh in terms of content they produce, thinkin something similar to wayv/bts type music (stuff that crowds just eat up LOL like love talk by wayv, luna by oneus that kind of music) and im thinking that wing’s debut look was REALLY BAD (they made the poor man blond) but when they put him back to his normal hair color he got rly popular. he’s had some bad eras where the stylists made him look a little goofy but… he’s good now (his best era was the mullet era). also he was trained by bisky who was a former idol who has retired and she's a legend in the industry… and wing is currently guiding an idol trainee (zushi lol). wing’s in his early-mid-twenties i think and he's 5'9" - 5'10" (175 - 178 cm)

ok and the main 4 fit into this uhh... i think gon is also an idol trainee along w zushi. and killua is currently modeling for a popular teen's clothing brand. i think i mentioned kurapika as being a part of wing's idol group but lowk i think maybe he's an actor instead. leorio is also. an actor. yeah ok there we go

uhhhh ok general thoughts:

i see them meeting at like.. the met gala or its equivalent and they meet when wing trips over kite’s clothes (he’s wearing something with a ridiculously long train and wing isn’t looking where he’s going), and at first wing thinks kite is super standoffish/rude bc he doesn’t apologize or offer a hand when wing trips… he just.. sorta stares at him on the floor for a second then clacks off in his very pointy shoes (he was flustered abt the very pretty stranger who just fell for over him. also he was STRESSED asf) (also the perspective that wing had probably didn't help bc bro was on the floor and kite was staring down at him from a height of like 6'9 with the heels)

afterwards there’s a bunch of pictures and edits of wing falling over all over the internet bc it was kind of funny… and ppl are telling him like “oh my god you tripped over yorknew’s top model the LITERAL FACE of fashion right now” and wing is like “damn i didn’t know also he’s a jerk”… and to kite ppl r telling him “oh my god the country’s MOST POPULAR IDOL tripped on you” and kite’s like “uhhh.. who?” (he doesn’t keep up with the entertainment industry despite being a part of it) and they both search each other up and they both have a moment like “oh my god i fucked up (also he's really hot)”

anyways they continue randomly (not at all random very much orchestrated by the people around them) meeting at things,,, there’s a very awkward apology from kite where he explains (sortof) why he didn’t help wing up… uhh stuff happens they fall in love and start dating LOL (i didnt think abt this part that hard) and for a hot minute there r paparazzi photos circulating of them together and the media is losing their collective shit

fast forward a little bit and they r like “yea we r together LOL” and then u start seeing kite at wing’s concerts in a spectator box staring very lovingly at wing on the stage and wing (and sometimes his whole idol group) starts showing up to fashion shows and wing looks like shellshocked every time kite steps onto the catwalk hes got kind of an awed stare on his face

ok future thoughts:

after abt two? ish years dating (engaged for 6 months out of those 2 yrs) they have an extremely private wedding with only close friends invited, and when ppl start noticing theyre wearing wedding bands (takes a while bc wing usually wears a lot of rings anyways, and kite wears his on a necklace and not on his hand) the media has a collective meltdown. again. (i am the media in this i think. i have meltdowns bc of them.)

um and eventually (around when him and kite get married) wing's idol group splits apart as they all go to pursue individual passions/careers, so now he's workin on his own music/vision. i think his personal music is much more peaceful and vibey than what his old group produced, more gentle love songs and poetic music and whatnot.

and kite steps out of the spotlight and is focusing on nature conservation philanthropy type stuff,, so he'll still step out and model for charity/fundraiser type stuff and he's the face of a large conservation foundation. (also bc sometimes he'll join like.. ocean cleanup initiatives or similar things and like. imagine ur volunteering to pick up garbage on the beach and u literally see like. anya taylor joy and her husband also out there picking up garbage or smthn. that's how the other ppl feel.) hes also a big advocate for no kill shelters and donates a shitload to them i like to think.

so yeah ok if u made it this far bless u!!! i dont really have any coherent storyline thoughts just this aggregation of random world building thoughts ok bye (btw if u have thoughts on this feel free to dm me abt them or tell me what u think in the replies or tags im brain rotting abt this stupid au so hard rn)

anyways im no writer (if u couldnt alr tell from this word vomit) so no fic but i may continue churning out thought fragments like this

[yagamisdiary]

you don’t gotta answer if you don’t want to but is it hard to be in no contact with a parent ?

i’ve had a rough on and off relationship with my father since i was about 7 years old he’s messed up in many ways but that’s besides the point.

im finally at a point where im independent enough to move out etc and i want to plan it and go no contact with him because i’ve lowkey had enough lol but i feel like i will regret it later on.

so me and my mom have never gotten along like ever, we just never clicked. she couldn’t stand me because i “ruined her life” even tho it was her who got pregnant LOL and im an empath and could always sense she hated me even as a kid so i ended up building resentment toward her as well

it got worse as i became a teenager because i began acting out and standing up for myself and we would get into very physical fights and it just became very toxic to the point where she kicked me out sooooo many times

eventually i was always the one who begged to come back home even though i knew she didn’t want me back but i was so attached to my siblings that i wanted to be around them even if it meant she was going to continue to abuse me in every way possible

so it definitely wasn’t easy at first, i spent my whole 13-19 getting kicked out and coming back over and over again and just endlessly fighting with her until one day i just snapped

at 19, she did something unforgivable (she had done tons of cruel things to be before but this was my breaking point) and i finally realized i couldn’t do it anymore and i had to be selfish and leave my siblings behind because if i didnt, i was going to end up either killing myself or getting killed by her

i ended up leaving at 19 and i warned her she was never going to see or hear from me again and she didn’t give a fuck at all, in fact she straight up told me she was relieved and 6 years later, we have not seen eachother or spoken a single word to eachother

i have never been more at peace since leaving that house. even though i miss my siblings, that was the only part that was hard to do, leaving HER however wasn’t hard at all. she obviously has no problem with it either considering she hasn’t spoken a single word to be since i was 19 and now im currently 25.

i don’t know ur situation with ur dad but if it’s anything as bad as mine, i say do it. i hate when ppl have this stigma of “that’s ur parent you have to forgive them” “you can’t desert family” that’s just bullshit

you can cut off ANYONE. friends, partners, EVEN FAMILY. anyone who has treated you terribly, shouldn’t be in your life regardless if they’re related to you and i’m SOOOOOO stern on that like absolutely no one can change my mind on that whatsoever

i’m so so so sorry that you’re going through that with your dad and having that kind of relationship with a parent who is supposed to be one of the few ppl ur supposed to be able to trust is such a heartbreaking realization. if u need more advice or just someone to talk to, MESSAGE ME! i am more than happy to help ❤️‍🩹

[animation-is-my-jam]

Hey!! I just read through you're blog and I noticed youre Tobecky kids! I wondered about them! Why did you choose those names for them? and how they were received by both Becky and Tobey?

Hello! And Thank you for the ask. (^_^)v

Ngl, I do get very excited about questions regarding any fankids from future AU since they have been the biggest fixation I have regarding my AU. And of course, plus it's Tobecky.

For the names, for context of anyone who doesn't know my Tobecky fankids bc maybe its been a while, it goes:

-Tori (Anactoria) [The oldest]

-Luis [middle child]

-Matilda [youngest]

(They're on my banner now. The easiest way to tell them apart is by their obvious color coordination) (Tori is in purples, Luis dark magenta/crimson, Matilda aquamarine/green-blues)

But yeah, the names!

I came up with their names about in 2018. Yeah, the same year I got fixated on the Wordgirl fandom. At first, I just had the concept of future AU only going from when Becky and the gang went to college, but I got worms in my head casting a vision of a next generation wordgirl story and of course the idea of domestic older Tobecky shenanigans with kids. And I have been sick ever since...my brain it has not recovered.

At first, I only designed one kid, Tori. Which was initially short for Victory since it fits her character, but then I remembered like a dumbass that there is literally a character named Victoria. And I tried to change it in lore that no....um her full name is actually something embarrassingly unique like Anactoria (based on one of Sapphos poems, because local literature nerd Becky might name her daughter that) so she shortens it to Tori. Where then some ppl mistake that she was named after family friend Victoria, and that's the gag for her name. She's named after a poem subject and real funny that it's from Sappho considering who Tori is lmao, but also fits some of her Greek aesthetics.

Luis. Now Luis was a strange one. As I said, I only intended at first for Becky and Tobey in future AU to have one kid, and I only focused on her character. Eventually (aka like 5 months later), I wanted to design other tobecky fankids since the family didn't feel complete for me just yet. So I thought of a little brother, like a TJ to a Becky. But I wanted a baby in there too, so um, middle child Luis was forced to be/lh. But you can tell with some of his characterization and how the family treats him. He was supposed to be the youngest or at least act like the youngest, but nope, he's the middle kid, but he is the most spoiled. His name when I designed him was Lewis, as both references to the protagonist of Meet the Robinsons and to Lewis Carrol of "Alice and Wonderland" (for another literature reference and cause his aesthetic is fairytales). However, I realized that I at least wanted one kid of their's to have a more Hispanic sounding name since y'know I can't lose the culture here, just because Becky married a Brit. So I just had his name and pronunciation easily changed to Luis! (Not said like Lewis or Louise).

Matilda is funny because her name has not changed at all. From her creation, I always imagined her as the youngest and mysteriously smartest of the family. Where Tori and Luis would be messes, she's the one who apparently has it together. She's the Dexter of the family, born a genius, and acts above her age, like a little scientist. I also made it that she's the one with the unique ability of telekinesis and eventually other psychic powers. And for that, she was named after another iconic smart little girl with such abilities. Yep, her name is refence to Matilda from the book and movie (and ig musical too) (that also counts as a literature refence, Becky was 2 for 2 in the naming, too bad Luis couldn't make it 3 lol). She's also nicknamed Matilde, Matty, and Tilly by her siblings and friends.

As for how Tobey and Becky reacted to each of them...hmm while I could just say that they just appeared one day because that's the funniest answer but not canon. I'll just say vaugley how they reacted to them knowing about a kid/how the kids were when they arrived.

All three are ages apart, mainly Tori, since she wasn't intended to have siblings, and I first had her be 12 when Luis came home, but I retconned that a year ago. Where she was 7. The timeline of the McCallister-Botsford family is kinda all over the place, but I'll make it more streamlined one day. (Grrr, I'm now mad at "Stars that shine in your eyes is what matters" because it implies that Luis isn't born yet when now he should be)

So first things first. Tori. Tobey and Becky, after two years of marriage, wanted a kid. And even though, in retrospect, they probably should have waited a bit, they still had their energetic gremlin. They were prepared, excited, and, of course, nervous. And even with the planning they've done, they still didn't anticipate how much of a handful their first would be. Tori was a chaotic little thing, her half Lexiconian abilities definitely causing headaches. There was also her headstrong personality, which made playtime with her an exercise. Tobey and Becky were really preoccupied with her and their own adjectives that there's even a plot line about how they haven't been romantic in years and realize it one day.

When Tori was 7 and she started to become quickly independent, like her mom was at that age (maybe it's a Lexiconian thing), it gave Becky and Tobey time to think about their family more and how it will be smooth sailing from here with Tori getting older...Until Luis happened. He was a surprise, and unlike Tori, he would be a handful too, but in a different way. Tori never cried as much or fussed when she was a baby. The tiredness of taking care of her was all her bountiful energy. However, Luis was clingy, reactive, and sensitive. He was a heavy crier, and it wouldn't go well if they didn't read him a bedtime story. He acted more typical of a human baby, then his sister (and later other sister). He liked to be picked up or carried. Usually, he would also cling to people like some sort of koala.

4 years after Luis was Matilda. She was another surprise. The thing with Matilda is that as a baby, she was already pretty gifted, both in her mind and powers (which were one). Matilda was born with gradual paraplegia. She was given a few chances to learn to crawl and walk, but by age 3, she did have to use a wheelchair. She had other health problems by her birth, but her and the rest of the family learned to adapt. Matilda and Luis formed a bond since they were only 4 years apart versus Tori, who was almost a decade ahead of them. Surprising since Luis would easily get jealous of anyone stealing their parents' time, but he didn't mind being a big brother now and protective of his sister.

[gold-rhine]

If it's not too much trouble, could you expand on Diluc's "already incoherent characterization" you mentioned in one of your recent posts? I'm just curious cause I also feel that there's something off about him writing-wise but I can't put my finger on it.

sigh. so, at the start of the game hoyo wrote diluc as super aggressive and negative towards kaeya specifically and knights in general, and all of their interactions are very hostile. they are having bitch fights every time they are in the same room.

like, fandom likes to pretend that diluc has guilt, bc of like some anonymous message on a public board that sounds like it's diluc feeling bad, which hoyo back-wrote. but they can't gaslight me, i just recently replayed start of the game content on my new account. like first time diluc appears is in kaeya's domain after traveler and kaeya cleared it, and diluc bitches at kaeya for no fucking reason and kaeya is v passive aggressive back at him. they have bitch fight in venti's quest. diluc's entire quest is about him trying to keep kaeya from discovering he's darknight hero and he specifically makes it known that kaeya is unwelcome every time he shows up in the tavern. and he sounds negative when bringing up kaeya for any reason.

and then hoyo started to back-pedal. idk what happened, maybe the direction of the plot shifted. maybe the writer who was writing them in this conflict vein quit. maybe at the start they only had vague idea of like brothers at war with each other, and once they started to flesh it out and add nuance, they've realized that like, burning your baby brothers' eye out might be understandable in the moment of trauma and shock, but then acting like you're on high horse and treating him like garbage for YEARS after is a bit of a psycho behavior.

quick aside bc i know there are ppl who think that, um, kaeya "deserved" it and like. he was what, not older than 10 when he was left at the winery. and he was about 17 when he confessed. he was a traumatized kid who kept a secret bc his bio father told him that the fate of his entire country depends on it. get a grip. but as i said, with the same logic, diluc was also in shock and trauma, and i do not fault him the fight itself. what doesn't track is how diluc acts years LATER, when he had time to think.

so they started to drastically soften diluc AND back-writing retcons. Hidden Strife letters are all about it. They were like oh, brothers were always in contact! Diluc is not a maniac, he was polite to the knights and he told kaeya to take care :) :) :) this creates new set of problems. not only it gives diluc personality split where he was incredibly aggressive to kaeya in person, but apparently normal in the letters. But also, we have letters from Kaeya that make it obvious he knew immediately that diluc is a darknight hero and they both were chill about it. But like! diluc's entire story quest is about him trying to keep kaeya from learning that! like, come on! why then diluc did all these stupid scooby doo shenanigans with slimes and shit???

now i think they are trying to shift responsibility for reconciliation from diluc to kaeya, which is the only issue that affects kaeya's own characterization. bc they are very hard going into "all servants at winery ADORE kaeya and treat him like family and welcome him!!" and fandom like, extends it to diluc now, like diluc is welcoming kaeya too and kaeya is a silly goose who has his hang ups and refuses to visit. as if getting your eye burned off, trying to reach out first and getting "ugh, its you" treatment when you show up at your brother's tavern is just like. a lil awkward situation that kaeya himself should get over without any effort on diluc's side and he should just ~realize~ that he's still part of the family lol. and ppl justify it like "well we don't know how diluc actually feels, he probably feels guilt (anon message) and wants to reconcile". which like. so we don't know, but kaeya is supposed to figure out and reach out AGAIN, when diluc at any time could've just told him that he's welcomed.

and now in kaeya's hangout we learn more about their childhoods which tbh hurts diluc even more. like how are we gonna be pretending that diluc cares about kaeya when he returned to mond and found his baby brother, who was apparently the sweetest gentlest child in the world, his loyal shadow for entire childhood, couldn't lie, was taking punishments for diluc, and see him now becoming a high functioning alcoholic with brazenly unhealthy persona of liar and manipulator, and like NOT get worried and try to reach out. which i don't think it was hoyo's intention, they just wanted to add the tragic sweetie uwu to kaeya's characterization, but they did not think how it reflect on diluc in global context

so now diluc's characterization flip flopped in several directions, and he doesn't really has an arc or plotline going. he's kinda just there now, more of symbol than character, and hoyo just writes whatever they want for him without any regard for any previous lore

[aether-friskets]

Why I Headcanon Waylon Park as a Trans Guy?

it came to me in a dream.

ok but jokes aside (well not entirely it DID actually originate because of a dream i had getting interrupted by a nonexistent video essay on the topic... dreams are weird man), i do want to try talking about my reasoning for this (although it's totally legit to hc a character as trans purely because you want to!! thats totally based also lol), because maybe it'd be interesting to hear the lens through which i saw this game? idk lol but i'm doing it anyway... below the cut in case it gets long

Ok immediate prefaces, A: i doubt this was actually the intended at all and i'm not trying to say it's canon, just saying why i read it that way :3 and B: this will probably be a rambling mess and I apologize, I'll try to make it somewhat make sense.

I guess I'll start with: a whole major thing of Outlast, is fighting to tear down this large corporation, that is like. the embodiment of shitty systems that exploit people (this post by bry mentions that general topic, although more focused on miles' angle). It's worth noting because, to me at least, fighting these sorts of systems really aligns with a lot of queer folks (and basically any group that gets fucked over by the system, which is most of them loll). There's like, this whole thing of Waylon seemingly fitting that image of the ideal typical man, with the wife and kids and a job, but he has to risk all of that to do what he feels is the right thing.

(Oh yeah, I guess quick tangent on that note. Yes I know in canon we literally see his dick lmao and also we know he has kids, which you might think would deter my hc here. but A: i already said ik it's probably not canon, i can still read into it regardless. B: intersex ppl exist. C: phalloplasty and other similar procedures exist. D: ppl can have kids in non-traditional way. so im prob not gonna cover that element of it more)

My brain hasn't been able to help but interpret his whole journey in a queer way, because i played it as a teenager still in the throes of understanding my identity and place in the world, so in the end this might not even make sense to anyone else. But, I'm trying to explain, so I'll continue to regardless.

I kind of saw it as Waylon hiding in the protection of an "ideal" life. On the surface he looks like he's in that American ideal family, but it's a subversion. He's only one of them because they think he is. Because he doesn't step out of line. Unlike Miles, who's more outspoken about issues, who seemingly has no one around him. He's treated as part of this "ideal" world, while working in the background to try and stop the exploitation and immoral acts going on.

When he's caught, when he's seen as something more complicated than first imagined, he's cast out. Lumped in with the same people being exploited by Murkoff already. He isn't "human" to them anymore. He's something else. Something they don't like.

Although the violence brought upon him is by the variants, it is still in part Murkoff's doing, since they fucked these people up via these experiments to a point of heightened violence and just generally ruining their lives more than they already had been by whatever they had done prior. That being said, they are still responsible for their own actions.

the stuff with Eddie is definitely the part that most resonated with me through this lens. I remember first playing it, and he scared me the most, for a lot of reasons. One of which being what he represented. He's The Groom. He wants someone to be his Bride, and you're it, even if you don't want that. As someone who's aroace AND already knew at that point that i wasn't a girl, this guy felt like a human embodiment of the pressures to fit what was expected of you. That one day, you'll be married and have kids. If you don't, then you're worthless.

But it's interesting especially, because Waylon IS married. He has kids already. He has that family. The difference is, in this hypothetical trans lens, he's not "really" in a traditional family. He's "pretending", as some might see it, because he's not "really one of them". Being Eddie's Bride is the situation that would've been expected of him, but he said "fuck that", and did his own thing.

Plus, like, with Eddie in particular, you will NEVER be what he wants. He will try to make his perfect bride, but you'll never be it. Even before Mount Massive, no one was what he wanted, judging by all the people he killed. He's a broken man desiring something but never liking his options.

Also just fucking. these lines from eddie make me lose my mind.

That part of you the world sees, they think it's perfect. As God intended. Even these idiots and lunatics see it. There's something special about you. On the surface. But when they look deeper, when anybody with eyes to see looks at what you truly are. That's why they don't trust you. You're not what you're meant to be. Not yet. This place can see into your mind. And the things you've done. Oh, they're a sin, darling.

like HELLO??

I know it's probably just Eddie rambling but it felt like he reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat like.

Anyway in actual relation to my point. uh. Remember the thing I said about Waylon being a "fake" typical family? This kind of relates to that. Like, on the surface, he seems like he's got this perfect typical American family, he's "as God intended" (which. bro. i swear that exact phrase has been used against trans people so many times). But if you look closer, you'll realize there's more to it than that. Also like, going from the "as God intended" line to the thing about the things he's done being a sin, like hmmm. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, considering we know Eddie wants to make you into his Bride, so of course he's gonna think stuff like that. But still. It's a bit interesting to me.

Plus, it's interesting how, despite having a wife and kids, he's still more... feminized, I guess, than any other characters in this game. Both in the game itself, and within the fandom. Like, not just Eddie literally calling him a woman and trying to make him his bride, but also stuff like a variant near the beginning calling him a "pretty flower" before threatening him, Andrew (one of the staff) licking his face at the beginning of the game... A lot of violence and sexual-ish acts that are often directed at women in media. Even Frank, who I don't have as much to say about here, has some weirdly sexual undertones to his whole cannibalism thing.

This isn't entirely related but one part of the game that still sticks with me but I don't see mentioned as much, is near the beginning. Those guys stabbing the dead staff member. One of them remarks that "there are no observers here" and "do you think you're different? Something special?", which I think helps cement the whole idea that he's treated the same as the rest of people being exploited by Murkoff now. There's no turning back to that "ideal" life you were hiding in before. Hell, that's definitely reinforced more at the end of the game, when you choose to publish your footage, knowing Murkoff will come after you for it, and probably ruin your life. Maybe there's more interesting things to glean from that, but i thought they were interesting lines nonetheless.

anyway, overall I know this is probably just the ramblings of a trans/generally queer person reading WAY too much into a character that I happened to resonate with when i played the game, but i thought maybe it would be interesting for others to understand what would lead me to this conclusion? Anyway, that's all i've got on the subject right now, so I hope it was at least a little interesting.

[pumpkinsy0]

OMG HI!!! I’ve been reading ur blog for the past hour and I’m absolutely thrilled to see it lol. I’ve always been a big papercut shipper and seeing other people ship them is a dream come true for my 13 year old self. I wanted to dump some of my headcanons for the outsiders/S.E Hinton Verse mostly because it’s so rare to find people who also like it

I personally see most of the greasers as white. Mostly because of what type of greaser culture the book describes, it’s leant towards white kids back then in the 60s rather than kids of color. But I’ve never seen the Shepards as white. It’s just never something I’ve seen. I grew on a block where everyone raised eachothers kids, as we grew older we joked we were one big mixed family. Ive always see the shepards as that Mexican-American family that I spent my after schools with while my parents were busy.  But that could totally be me projecting Idk

for Johnny I’ve always pictured him as mixed. Probably African American-Italian. He’s described with features that look like people of that heritage look and in my opinion it’s probably one of the main reasons he was targeted. 

For Two-bit I’ve always seen him as a super pasty, always sun-burnt white boy who is super into his European heritage. Like this man can’t deal with school but he’ll do deep dives on Scottish mythology and Vikings any day of the week.

Steve definitely has always looked like he does in the movie to me. He’s definitely a hillbilly, I have cousins who act exactly like him and it’s absolutely hilarious because the deep southern accent just makes them not understandable. I’ve personally viewed Steve having that deep accent and also having a lisp (wowza I’m just projecting on him lol) so no one understands him besides from Soda and the older women who come to the DX.

I’ve always viewed Dally as Italian also but he is the type that can not tan to save his life. His nearly white blonde hair is not just from the bleach he puts on it but from running around in the sun all day every day. There is this one artist that draws him like a gremlin that I love I’m pretty sure their @ is something among the lines of crow1121? I can’t find rn and it’s killing me lol. But the other artist is @/ nutsackx and I absolutely love their interpretation of the gang 

Honestly with the Curtis’s I love ur interpretation of them being Arab-American but my little projecting heart (wow I do that a lot) always have viewed them as a German-Jewish and Romani as that’s what my family is and they lived very similar lives back in the 60s. It’s a small little head cannon I’ve always had and I’ve always held onto for the Curtis family. I can’t ever view them as non-immigrants tho. 

Sorry this is so long sweetie. I just got super caught up in rambling and your blog really inspired me 🫶

HELLLOOOOO!!! glad u found this blog!!! we r all here for funsies and just doing whatever, glad to have u onboard<333

OKOK NOW LOOK☝🏽☝🏽i knooowwww SE Hinton wrote the outsiders w everyone but johnny being white in mind, but honestly i think what makes me change them some of em into poc instead is just bc i want to and its fun to me!!!! tbh, i like having different ideas on characters than others, plus part of it is just inspired by the ppl around me!!! at the very least tho, i do tryyyyyy to make it more historically accurate so its not like i just SHOVED them in there and i dont get 100% attacked by the “this isnt historically accurate grrrr” brigade, for example my haitian shepards, at the end of the day its mostly a self projection but i do have lore for them as to y theyre even in oklahoma, yknow??? doing things like that is fun to me!!!

WHEN IT COMES TO THE SHEPARDS, i will say, whenever i would see white shepards im like “oh i thought we all saw that they were poc guys</333” EVEN W THE MOVIE i was surprised tim wasnt a poc but whateverrrr we move onnnnn

BUT I DO LIKE UR ETHNICITY IDEAS!!!!, once again ANOTHER version of the characters put into my little multiverse right there w arab curtis family<3333

personally i hc dally to b italian, but considering the demographics of brooklyn back then, yea it is 100% possible he couldve been italian, and w johnny to me hes mexican/bengali, so i think its pretty cool that u see them as both being italian, im def rockin w it, it gives them something they can connect over a bit!!

and im happy to say we both see the curtis’ as being jewish, to me theyre ethnically jewish, i based the curtis’ off my gf im ngl

BUT ANYWAYS NO WORRIES!!! i love answering long asks and so happy my blog inspired u to share ur thoughts<333

[totallynoteggos]

lol hey this is just a vent post abt my life rn I don’t really expect any on u to read this

Tw if you do read this: talk of Anxiety, ppl not understanding neurological limitations, talk of vauge self exit and SH (its very minor) overall vent post shit

Sorry u have to see me in such a shifty mental state but I need to get this off my chest before I resort to violence

Once again, not KND stuff this is a Vent Post

I’m not neurotypical by any means I'm on some spectrum but all we know so far is that I have OCD and Anxiety. Also I'm going into the 9th grade which that In of itself is a stressful situation but in the last four years I've never stayed in the same school so seeing the same people is hella new to me. I have this really bad habit of going no contact with people after the school year is over because I usually never see them again. My mom can't seem to understand that there are simply things I can't do because of the anxiety & OCD (and I'm not using this as a reason to act out or defy her) abt 2 weeks ago we went to get food, now usually I order my food to make sure I get what I like and not have a mixup. And pls notice this was after a week long “vacation” that ended up being stressful and draining. But anyways there was a mixup and I ended up with a burger with all toppings instead of plain, which caused me to panic because I was hungry and stressed before already. And instead of trying to accommodate she stood firm in her beliefs that I need to get over it and just eat the damn burger. And I heavily insisted on not eating it and eating the fries instead. After a argument (and at the instance of my grandma) she bought me another burger and while in line I told her outright that there are some things that I physically can't do or else they send me into a panic. She that said that she “gets that” but I don't have to act out In front of my grandma which she idolized. And now like I said with the whole start of school she's saying “it wont be your best years if you don't let it be your best years” but I don't think she understands that I don't know how to do that. I've moved around a lot and I've been made fun of a lot due to my interests, hobbies and simply just to be the clown. Most of the people I befriend end up getting annoyed or just keep me around until I say something that doesn't make me the dumb and “quirky” one. And like I said I suck at keeping contact and now everyone still has their old friend groups and mine just see me as a joke or weirdo now. Its stressing me out so much and its only been two days, hell yesterday I would have thrown up from the stress but because I was so stressed I didn't eat shit so I didn't throw up. School stresses me out so much it's unimaginable, its the people, the sounds, the halls, the fact that people won't leave you alone, someone always talking or screaming, just please shut the fuck up so I can learn and be out of here. And god its so fucking hard not feeling what everyone else around you feels. My moms getting upset at me for not wanting to go on the busses when I have gone on one and it left 20 fucking minutes from my house cus the lady was screaming and I got scared as was about to cry. And now she wants me to try again with kids I don't fucking know who some how don't know personal space or manners. And back to the emotions things, why the fuck don't I feel the same as them, god I feel so fucking robotic compared to my mother and everybody else but they also make me feel like a god damned mutt. On one hand they think it's weird that I don't want to talk or to Interact but somehow don't realize that it's their fault I don't want to, and on the other hand whenever I'm upset or angry and actually show it its MY fault. Because apparently since I'm the youngest of my family im supposed to have the personality of pinkie pie and I have no problems. And because I'm quiet, friendly or just shy and I'm supposed to control my emotions because I'm a “young lady”. I've tried talking to my mom about home school because my school has that as a option but she says that I can't hide when she's been doing that too. Sometimes I feel like she cares more for the happiness of those she wants to impress rather than that of her family. But god if all of life feels like this then count me out cus its too much to be alive right now. I think ima take a shot or three of night quill and hopefully sleep until ITs to late to go to school

Goodnight

[convenientalias]

Please Watch Circle: Two Worlds Connected (Another Manifesto)

After convincing some ppl to watch White Christmas, I am filled with hubris and thus have returned to try to convince y'all to watch another kdrama thriller. This times it's Circle: Two Worlds Connected (2017). It's sci-fi, it's whumpy, it's got a dual timeline going on, and it's got a great cast. It's also one of the first kdramas I ever watched--I started it back in 2017, lost access to the site I was streaming it from, and 3 years later, when I became actually competent at finding kdramas, I remembered to go find it again! I've now watched it... four times? five times? anyway it's a good show so let's dive in.

The Premise

Every episode of Circle has two parts to it.

The first part: In 2017, a college student named Kim Woo-jin is having family problems. His paranoid twin brother is convinced aliens exist and are killing ppl. Woo-jin met an alien once when he was a kid, but he's been repressing this and ignoring the implications ever since bc of related trauma. Then Woo-jin's twin goes missing, and Woo-jin goes haywire trying to track him down.

The second part: In 2037, society has become a little dystopian, particularly in a closed-off island city called "Smart Earth". "Smart Earth" is supposed to be a place without crime, but when a murder takes place, Detective Kim Joon-hyuk, an outsider, worms his way in to investigate. Secretly he's more interested in investigating Smart Earth itself... and trying to find his long lost brother.

HM I WONDER IF THERE'S A REASON THESE CHARACTERS BOTH HAVE KIM AS A SURNAME. PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE I WOULDNT KNOW. IM SURE THESE TWO MYSTERIES HAVE NO RELATION TO EACH OTHER AT ALL.

The Characters

Kim Woo-jin:

Yes that is Yeo Jin-goo (I feel like most of my followers have watched Beyond Evil, but if you haven't, maybe you know him from Hotel del Luna or The Crowned Clown, idk, he's great). And yes, he is incredibly stressed and will be for pretty much the entire show.

I feel like the main selling point of the first half of this show, apart from the mystery itself, really is just "do you want to see Yeo Jin-goo be so, so tired and act in progressively more insane and risky ways over the course of twelve episodes".

He is a very good brother. He also is in a dynamic duo with a girl who may or may not be an alien. More on that below.

Kim Bum-gyun

He's paranoid and he's not always the best brother. But he's trying to be better and also. He may be (at least partly) right.

Han Jung-yeon

"Hey look at me I'm a normal college student and definitely not an alien. Despite the fact that I do kind of look identical to that alien you met like fifteen years ago."

"Regardless that was not me bc I am normal. Let's become a detective duo!"

Kim Joon-hyuk

Played by Kim Kang-woo! I feel like he's a bit less known than Yeo Jin-goo but I still love him. Very versatile actor. In this he's being your typical unruly cop but with Many Secrets. Going into much more detail than that would unfortunately give spoilers but I like seeing him piss Lee Ho-soo off.

Lee Ho-soo

Nicknamed "Pierrot" by Kim Joon-hyuk for the way he's ~always smiling~, Lee Ho-soo is Smart Earth's ideal peacekeeping employee. He thoroughly believes in their dystopian mood regulating technology and closed off society and no, he does not want to learn any deep dark secrets, thank you very much!!! Leave him alone!!!! (Yeah, he's going to go through all kinds of emotional breakdowns lols.) My favorite character on my first watch-through; later I began to stan Woo-jin more but it's a close thing.

So, so, so...

Is It Shippy?

Honestly, kind of depends on what you're looking for. The most obvious ships would be Kim Woo-jin/Han Jung-yeon, a ship that is very teased but never becomes canon, and Lee Ho-soo/Kim Joon-hyuk, a classic bickering-but-gradually-coming-to-understand-each-other type of duo. There are other shippy routes you could take... my friend for example ships two of Woo-jin's professors. I personally think certain reveals could lend themself to a [REDACTED] [REDACTED] shipping dynamic, which is all too rare, but since I redacted that part you will never know what I mean by that.

Is there shippy fanfic out there? NO BECAUSE THERE ARE A TOTAL OF FOUR FANFICS FOR THIS SHOW ON AO3 AND I CANT FIND ANY ELSEWHERE EITHER. yes three of those are shippy. YES I WANT MORE PLEASE.

More General Thoughts

Circle is a little melodramatic and messy, but it is also very clever. Even after the basic worldbuilding becomes clear, you probably won't be able to guess all the answers to the mysteries until mm. Episode eleven of twelve? I mean I'm sure there are people out there much better at guessing than me but. I didn't.

I also think it's more fun to watch this show (at least the first time) with a bunch of different theories in your mind as to what happened during the time skip. I had at least three running concurrently. No, none of them were correct. I never said I was good at guessing I only said I had fun.

Not EVERY loose thread gets tied up by the end. But things do get mostly resolved. And there's a lot of angst and suspense along the way!

Here are a few more pictures to convey the vibe:

I can also offer you a minimal number (two) of goofy gifsets.

Closing thoughts:

If you've watched Circle, pls come talk to me sometime. If you haven't watched Circle, I recommend giving it a try! I can tell you that anecdotally ppl who I've forced to watch White Christmas and Circle both like Circle better (except me, I like White Christmas better but also I am to be fair obsessed with both).

And for now, I have successfully exorcised my Circle feels for the day. Probably. I hope. (I may be back.)

[tamrielf]

ive been living with sensory issues my whole life, i freak out when someone makes small changes to my routine, like i hate doing spontaneous things, most of the time i hate physical affection, & i have such a hard time socializing & making friends. i have bipolar disorder and other disorders like anxiety, etc. but my treatment for those things doesn't help with these other issues i have. i hate being like this and i want to work toward change but i don't know what to do to work toward it. 😞

like i said i have trouble making friends and i always have since i was a kid. i've always felt like an alien compared to other ppl. and that's fine because i prefer being alone. but i hate that i can't act normal in social situations and ppl always think im rude or weird when im not trying to be 😢 and it sucks because i kinda have to be in social settings sometimes because i have children. and i dread it for these reasons every time. nobody is interested in the same things as me. and when i talk about my interests ppl tell me im too obsessed with something or tell me its weird altogether. which hurts. and when i am able to make "friends" i always get taken advantage of because i can never tell when someone is taking advantage of me and my kindness or if they have malicious intentions with me. and i feel stupid every time because my bf will tell me they are "obviously playing you" or my mom will say stuff like "can't you tell that they aren't interested?" or the one i always get is "why can't you see that this guy is flirting with you/trying to sleep with you."

idk if im just having a panic attack or a mental breakdown or what. but this has been building up inside of me for years. i feel so stupid and weird. i have to carry lotion around with me because if my hands don't have moisture on them at all times i literally sit there with chills going up my spine and i can't touch anything. certain clothes make me want to rip my skin off. and my family gets annoyed every time i have to run back in the house because i forgot to grab it. which just adds to the guilt i feel for being this way and i can't control these issues no matter how hard i try.

i've literally made so many lists and "rules" for myself on how to act around ppl and i try so hard to follow them just to get through whatever event is going on.

i think thats why i throw myself into my interests and use them to escape reality so much. once i find something i like i become obsessed with it forever and i talk about it so much to the point where my bf tells me its too much. certain characters and shows are the only thing that brings me comfort sometimes. i have so many unnecessary lists and categories for my interests. i know its very time consuming and pointless but just having them makes me feel better. like pinterest for example is my best friend lol. making these lists and stuff just soothes me in a way. as stupid as that sounds. but even tho it comforts me it still makes me feel stupid because ive never met anyone else who does that.

i've never ever spoken about this stuff online/publicly before. mainly because of embarrassment and fear of being bullied for it since ive already been relentlessly harassed for a million other things. i just have so much anxiety all the time. and doing pointless things helps with it but i want to stop feeling this way. or at least have answers as to why i am this way so maybe i can fix it. im tired of feeling awkward or different from other ppl. i want to be normal and pleasant to be around. i want to get along with the other parents at school functions instead of being scared to talk to ppl. i can't even make eye contact with anyone i talk to. ive tried since i was LITERALLY a child and no matter what i always get scared or nervous and look away. and its really noticeable to other ppl because they've mentioned it to me.

i'm posting this to vent but also maybe someone reading this has gone through the same thing or can help me. because i feel so hopeless and im scared im going to be this way forever. ive only been able to find info on the sensory thing and ive found that there is no way to get rid of it. ive tried everything and ive given up on that. but i know i can change my actions and how i interact with ppl if i can just figure out WHY i am like this.

pls don't laugh at me or say anything mean if you choose to comment on this post. i already have so much anxiety and fear about posting it. i don't want sympathy or anything like that. i just need help 😞🥺😢

i have an appointment booked for seeing a psychiatrist but that isn't until november i haven't seen one since i was a little kid. so i'm hoping to maybe get some answers in the meantime.

i already can't work and im getting disability soon because my bipolar is so crippling. it affects my ability to function so much. and i have these other problems on top of it. the fact that i can't even make a living like "normal" ppl makes me feel bad about myself already. and since i can't get a job or a career i want i just want to feel normal in my everyday life and around ppl AT THE VERY LEAST.