#just in terms of like. i'm so lazy and i live in a kitchen with others so i know there's cross contam that's prob just not registering for m

[macroglossus]

oughhh i think i'm going to talk to my dr ab attempting to do the celiac testing.... which means six weeks of eating gluten every day and having reactions. every single day. Every day. but i think a diagnosis might be worth it idkkkk

[ticklystuff]

Energy to Burn

a/n: inspired by gaming's teapot dialogue (pls ignore thoma standing there menacingly i was too lazy to remove him for the pic..)

for some context, a lot of ppl that celebrate lunar new year will clean their homes prior to the new year! but ya i was supposed to upload this before lantern rite and that did not happen so just pretend i did

wc: ~1.8k

summary: aether has the very relatable problem of someone else doing his chores, oh the horror

---

Hallway clean.

Counters sheen.

Kitchen kempt.

House pristine.

Aether's eyes scanned over the entirety of his living space, taking in the now well-organized room. Sloppy would be misleading in terms of how to describe himself and Aether did enjoy cleaning on the occasion, yet a certain floating companion could easily offset his progress. Compound that with constant settled dust and dirt while being away and keeping the teapot spotless becomes a massive ordeal. He did his best, he really did, but things were never exactly how Aether liked them.

Yet as much as his own reflection in the countertops was pleasing to the eye, Aether couldn't help but release a lowly sigh, recalling a conversation from the day prior. 

"Now, I know you won't let me pay any rent while I'm here, 'cause we're friends and all, but I will at least insist on making myself useful. So, if you catch me cleaning or gardening at any point — don't try and stop me."

It didn't take a genius to deduce the "culprit" behind the state of the teapot and Aether soon found himself running through the hallways of the house, crying out to his guest, always taking a second to marvel at the cleanliness of each room, before bolting to a different area of the building.

"Gaming! Gaming!!"

A brief run-through of the kitchen area rewarded Aether with a clue for his efforts: a propped open backdoor to the garden area. Lo and behold, there Gaming was, kneeling down to feed the numerous cats Aether liked to bring home to the teapot, seemingly oblivious to the blond's nearby presence. The dancer's current attire heavily clashed with the colorful flora he stood amongst, adorning a simple grey t-shirt that gave a slight peek of his midriff, baggy shorts that fell past his knees, and his usual shoes improperly slipped on. As Aether approached the other, he couldn't help but notice the little tune Gaming hummed, bobbing his head along. Lacking the usual accessories, Gaming's disheveled hair flew about in the breeze without a care.

"Gaming?" Aether slowly approached the other, prompting him to practically jump in response.

"Oh- woah! Morning, boss!" Gaming giggled, catching himself in the moment. "Look at these little guys! They love the treats I brought them! Oh, and speaking of which, did you see the breakfast I made? It's nothing special, but I prepared some congee for you. I also found some pumpkins laying around and cut them up, if you'd like to add them to your dish!"

"Ah, I haven't eaten yet," Aether nodded, watching the cats devour their food, "but I just wanted to thank you for cleaning up the house."

"Oh, it's no problem-"

"But also, you really don't need to go through all this effort," Aether quickly interjected. "You're a guest here and you should really be enjoying your time, not doing my chores."

"Uh-uh, no can do, boss!" Gaming gave another grin, not a beat missed in his reply. "I've already told you that's not how it's going to fly. Plus, who says I'm not having a good time doing your chores?"

"Gaming.."

"Heh, don't sweat it," he tilted his head, before huffing in reassurance. "My po po always taught me that I should always show gratitude to my host for having me as a guest. Besides, it's almost Lantern Rite and it's customary to clean your home before then. I know this isn't my own place, but it's where I'm staying for now, so might as well!"

"Well, not to this extent." He couldn't help but sigh, feeling conflicted, yet at the same time, Gaming didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

"Don't worry about it," Gaming clicked amusedly with his tongue. "Just think of it as a productive way for me to burn all my energy for the day!"

"I suppose." Didn't really help him feel less bad about the whole thing, though.

"Alrighty then!" Gaming placed his hands on his hips in thought. "What's next on the agenda- Ah! H-Hehehey!" The sudden outburst took Aether by surprise, taking a moment to realize why. Now out of food, the cats Gaming had been generously feeding were brushing along the bare lower parts of his legs, some even pawing at his shins, meowing as if crying out for more food.

"N-No, get awahahay!" the brunet continued to giggle, hopping between each leg to avoid the encircling horde of kittens clamoring for their next snack. "H-Here!" Gaming quickly reached into his pocket, throwing out a surplus of treats that was enough to divert the attention of his new following.

And the whole time, Aether had been observing.. watching.. stewing the little idea that the teapot cats have so graciously handed to his brain on a silver platter. If Gaming had extra energy burn, he could certainly help with that.

"Whew," Gaming sighed in relief once the cats had dispersed. "Do you not feed them here? Why are they so hun- WahH! Hey! Boss, w-what're you-?! N-Nohoho! Nahahat you too!"

In his distracted state, it wasn't particularly difficult for Aether to bowl the other over, easily pinning Gaming to the grassy garden of the teapot. Once ready, Aether set his plan into motion, digging into the sides that were oh-so conveniently exposed thanks to Gaming's choice of current attire.

"You mentioned having a little extra energy to spare," Aether teased, pinching at the exposed sides in succession to create an erratic giggly response. "Thought that maybe I could help with that."

"Nahahat like thihihis!" Gaming shook his head with a smile, showing off the widest dimples adorning his cheeks. "I-I wahahas juhuhust trying to heheEHEHELP!"

Aether couldn't help but grin along, having just hit a particularly good spot that elicited the cutest squeals. He continued to make use of the newfound discovery, circling the area around Gaming's navel with the tips of his finger nails in repeated motions to draw out the contagious laughter. "Y'know this is your fault, right? If you hadn't started feeding the cats, I would have never found out you're so ticklish."

"Th-That dohohohesn't mahahake any sehehense!" Gaming kicked his legs and patted away at the hands that lightly clawed all over his midsection, but it was for naught, as Aether had no intent on stopping any time soon. "Ehehehehahaha! StahahAHAhahap!"

"I could," Aether drew out with his tongue, making sure to really dig into the vulnerable waist with incessant pokes, feeling Gaming's body lurch and his legs kick to escape the way Aether effectively straddled him, "if you promise to relax during the rest of your stay."

"NEHEHEVEHEHER!"

Aether shrugged his shoulders, perfectly fine with Gaming's stubbornness, if that's what suited him. His laughter was the best part, Aether soon realized; there was something softly warm to it, akin to nibbling into a slice of freshly baked bread. No matter the flavor of laughter, whether it be the sharp yelps from squeezing his thighs to the squeals Gaming would make whenever his navel was targeted, or maybe the bouncy giggles from tasing his sides, the lush vibrant undertones were never absent, satiating Aether's ears in the most fulfilling way possible. He was so content with the current situation that the reason the two were there nearly slipped his mind, until the sight of Gaming's tomato cheeks caught Aether by surprise.

"Hehe, oops," Aether giggled, giving his hands and Gaming a pause. "Well, have we burned enough energy for today?"

"Nuh-uh," Gaming finally shook his head. Breathless as he may be, there was still the faintest glimmer of vigor behind his smile. "I can do this all day."

"Hmph, me too." His hands poised once again, prompting Gaming's limbs to tense in response, yet Aether found himself stopping midair. If Gaming didn't break from everything tried so far, then it would only make sense to switch up his target, but where to? So far, nothing had worked, the boy seemingly a boundless well of laughter and energy, but surely there'd be something..

"What's wrong?" Gaming spoke up, his voice not having fully recovered yet. "Given up yet?"

"Heh, no," Aether lightly tweaked his hips, causing his arms to flail, before his arms landed uselessly on the grass next to.. a discarded shoe?? The blond blinked twice, taking a moment to piece together that one of Gaming's slippers must've flung off during all the kicking he was doing, which meant..

Aether quickly slid downwards, ensnaring the bare foot in an armlock before Gaming could make a move, creating what seemed to be panicked shaking from behind. "H-Hey, wait a minute," Gaming's voice could be heard running a mile a minute, as his free leg pressed against the grass in a last attempt to escape. "Okay, okay this is mean! No, no, no, you don't have to- NohohOHOHO! W-WahahahAIT!"

The effect was almost instant, as Aether scribbled up and down the sensitive sole, eliciting crackled laughter from its owner. He took a second to take a peek behind him, giggling at the scene of Gaming uselessly covering his face with his hands as muffled helpless laughter poured through. There was the occasional kick to his backside from the other spasming leg, but Aether made sure to reward those with a few rougher scrapes to his foot. "Surrender yet?"

"WahAHAHAHA!"

"I didn't hear a yes," Aether snickered, drowned out by Gaming's wailing, feeling the trapped leg buck in his grasp. His fingers ran up the length of the sole, earning himself squeal whenever he reached the base of Gaming's toes, before sliding back down to his heel.

"Okay! Okahahahay! Stahahap! I gihiHIHIVE!"

Just for good measure, Aether delivered a few more pressurized pokes to the middle of his foot, listening as Gaming slapped his hands on the grass in defeat amongst the pleading. When he eventually released his leg, Aether was surprised to see the limb fall limp instead of being pulled back to safety, though he supposed this was a good sign that Gaming's energy was finally spent.

"Urgh, why," the brunet groaned, exhausted without a doubt. "This is what I get for being a good person."

"No, it's what you get for being stubborn," Aether chided with a shake of his head, before offering his hand to help the other on his legs. Once Gaming stood up, Aether couldn't help but ruffle the disheveled mess of brown hair in an attempt at brushing away the pieces of grass caught in the strands.

"Mmm," Gaming shook his head, before running his fingers through his hair a couple of times. "Maybe you won today, but there's always tomorrow's chores. You can't totally stop me."

Aether rolled his eyes in response. "Is that so?" he said, fingers wiggling towards Gaming's sides.

"Okay, okay!" Gaming already began giggling again, jumping back to safety. "I'll learn to chill."

"Promise?"

Gaming sighed, almost as if he had something else to say, only to shake his head. "Fine, promise."

[chaewonplzbiteme]

Lazy Evaluation {Kim Minji | JiU x Male Reader}

Tags: two ounces of mommy kink, one bowl of age play, two cups of heavenly chocolate, pinch of humor, lots of fluffy fluff-fluff, a plate of hearty cream pie, a single grain of femdom

TW: Math and computer science jokes, mindless smut

4.9k – Read it on AO3.

A/N: The science may not be correct. Please excuse me. Or maybe it is. Most jokes will fly over your head if you are not into mathematics and computer science. This is not a failure on my part, and I will never take full responsibility.

If it helps: It's part of the joke that you do not understand everything about monads... I'm just continueing the meme...

All ten fingers clawed at your own scalp, trying to soothe the tension between your temples. In a furious jumble they shuffled through the already disheveled hair, not only in a motion to squeeze more blood through the tiny pinch of grey matter that you were sure you had left somewhere, but also to shed with the frustration that had plagued you all week. It was your task to show what you had learned in computer science, explore new frontiers of knowledge, and write a dissertation, at the same time documenting your progress for the lecturer.

“So, a Monad does define two operations, but is not a type itself? How is that supposed to work?”

It was quite perplexing, learning about such abstract and high-level data structures in mathematics. All day you have been attempting your own explanation, and every single time you have produced a different answer. Frustratingly, none of them matched any of the myriad descriptions that could be found, be it from the study book both recommended and written by the professor himself, numerous instructional online sites which most likely copy from each other or even what the latest conversational artificial intelligence could synthesize up for you.

“You still didn’t finish with the abstract?” Your study partner asked in a bright and cheerful voice, as she returned with two hot mugs of mocha latte and set them on the table. Your mood changed instantly with the scent of chocolate that permeated through the room, with a strong note of her own essence. Before you could reach for a mug, she was already next to you and flicking through the study book looking for what she was about to explain. “It is actually quite simple, my dear. Think more abstract, a level of indirection above types. This is why we call them type classes.”

The ease of her words leaned cheerfully against a solid wall of the complicated concoctions that have been woven and tightened in your mind. You could only throw your head back, stretching yourself on the beanbag, hands returning to apply even more pressure on both sides. “Like an interface describing interfaces? Aarrgghh...”

“Interface to classes, if you go for programming terms,” she corrected your inaccuracy with a smirk, knowing your frustration was not going to subside so fast. She had seen the same troubles from fellow students. The wide frame of her glasses was not the only reason you had the impression that she was the more intelligent of the two of you. Her sharp mind complemented her neat appearance very well, neither ceasing to astonish you time after time. “A common error for beginners. My dear, nothing has been proven to be difficult in this field of math. You will be able to understand it once you internalize the basics.”

In practical terms, Minji basically lived here. The dormitories are small and cramped and not made for living, only sleeping. Those who wanted to keep their sanity would spend their time away from home, be it the library, a café or the clubs. She knew her way around your kitchen better than you knew your own desk. You woke up stumbling over her bag, her clothes interleaved in the forest of notes with the data structures and pens and your own all over the ground.

“And next you are going to tell me computer science is just applied mathematics… This is so much to learn,” you voiced out your exasperation. You caught yourself looking at her. Not like this was an issue, since Minji was used to you staring at her. In fact, she loved it when you admired her beautiful face, her fair and radiating skin and smooth cheeks. No spell had to be cast, yet you were possessed by her deep hazel eyes. She took a sip as if there was nothing troubling you, savoring the cocoa aroma and accidentally dipping her nose into the whipped cream. Your eyes were locked on nothing other than the spot dotting her nose as she put down her mug — she did notice you were following the white tip around. The smile she gave was a more effective balsam than your fingers had been. Your gaze remained fixed on her as she shuffled around behind your back, the smell of cocoa giving way to hers.

“Clear your head, my love,” said Minji with a very calm voice, turning your head forward. Her hands replaced yours as her fingers traced circles all around. The sense of clogged arteries started to dissipate at once. “Let Mommy-ji help you relax.”

Your mind followed her fingers around your scalp, feeling the pressure she applied and where it moved to. Your eyes lose the bind to any sense of perception, no track of focus, your brain only processing being grasped between her palms and her digits. The thoughts occupying your head dissolved just as the tension faded. Blood rushed from your head to other parts of your body, among others getting clogged in a certain appendage, building up pressure. You hope it will not be noticed by her, since you wanted to enjoy the moment with her undistracted.

The endearing name for her had been established for a long time already, a logical consequence given the dynamics of both your behavior. While your lazy bum was busy playing video games or otherwise slacking around, Minji was the one who took care of the house and your needs. She did the laundry and cooked for you just like your parents, even spoon-feeding you at times. Not every meal, of course, only some, but you appreciated those the most. One day you accidentally blurted it out and it stuck.

But the image of her captivating face lingered in your eyes, even though she was out of sight. Her sculpt combined an adorable and young face with the mature image of a grown woman. If you didn’t know better, the round shape of her face would have made you believe that she was younger than you. Long and well-groomed wavy black hair was just the icing on top of her enchanting face.

“Not the time to slack off, lazy boy,” she chuckled. Minji was right, this was a subject that needed to be learned and understood. No way around it. You needed to retort, to explain the break in your studies, albeit it happened at her instigation. Not that you would blame her, though.

“B-but mommy, I’m not procrastinating,” you managed to stammer out while you were under the spell of her fingers. “I’m just d-deferring the effort. You know, lazy evaluation.”

What a counter, Minji burst out in laughter. Holding off on work was a viable strategy in certain cases, being efficient by knowing what was needed, if at all, and in what quantity. But of course, not every part of you followed this idea.

“You may be a smart boy, but what you are clearly demonstrating is a stiff amount of premature optimization,” she whispered into your ear, her essence filling your nose completely and stunning you as she traced a hand down your body towards your crotch. “What a horny boy, forming a boner ahead-of-time.”

And she has not even teased you yet – the strong side-effect of her touch. You could not declare yourself to be pure in your function at all anymore. It was obvious every part of your body was thinking about her and her touch. “I-It’s warming up. For you.”

“For mommy? How nice~,” she said with a joyous voice while reaching out for the visible bulge in your pants. Her palm covered the manly mound in a cup, rubbing it, feeling it up. More blood flocked to her touch, its return to regular circulation clogged by its own formed tissue pouch. While it takes a mountain millions of years to rise, your tent was erected in mere minutes at full size.

“Please take a look, mommy,” you said, as she went down on you. “Watch how much your boy has grown.” You were happy with how your body reacted to her touch. The desire for Minji was burning strong, the steam driving your member boiling hot. The beacon of your passion is lit – your cock calls for its caretaker. She slowly removed your pants, watching your tent pole rise even higher as it was not being held back anymore.

Her hand traced the length up and down multiple times before wrapping her fingers around the shaft. “Always so excited to see me~.” It was like your cock throbbed in response, even though it was simply timing with her fingers. She moved up and down very slowly, for you to savor the feeling, moving blood and tissue around.

Minji barely sped up the pumping, instead opting for a regular rhythm at a steady pace. Like clockwork your mind settled into the flow, breathing in at the ebb and bracing yourself for the flow, when her hand reached the tip. Distant grumbling, thundering muttering from your mouth warned of the oncoming outbreak.

“My love, tell me what you are,” she asked, smirking in anticipation of your reply. Her hand went slower now. Thinking about what Minji wanted to hear, there could only be one answer. Not your name, nor that you are her fellow student and attended the same courses. Such returns would not yield an effect. And if your answer had no effect on her, the result might as well be useless. Slower and slower, slower towards the peak, even slower further away. Idle state. Tension.

 “Mommy’sh cude liddle cum fountain,” is the reply you give. That is all what you will ever need to be for her.

“Yes, you are, baby boy~,” Minji approved of you. She dragged her fingers upwards in a slow manner, the tight embrace shifting higher and higher. The alternating grooves and creases of her hand slid across your shaft before leaving your cock, before turning around to cup the shaft and press it against her soft cheeks. Time was nigh’, she demanded your produce. “Cum. I want you to scream.”

At her command, the floodgates of release opened. With intense pressure prostrate launched the stream of ejaculate up into the air. It erupted out in a way more akin to a volcano than a fountain, each spurt leaving with a wave that traveled together with a guttural groan along the entire length of your cock. Minji felt every throb of your member against her cheeks, the hardness thumping against her tender face with each explosion.

“So hard and strong,” Minji praised both your cock and the force of your discharge. “Beating so hard for me~,” she added. The ropes of cum coated her forehead, some getting caught by her eyebrows. Her disheveled hair also showed some wet streaks, collateral damage from the powerful blasts. “Too bad I couldn’t taste any of it,” she demanded more, alluding to the uncertainty principle. To observe how far cum could travel, one could not taste it at the same time.

“Mommy, I want to taste you, too,” you said. The worship of each other’s bodies was a mutual thing, neither of you had the intention to freeload the other’s goodwill. What she gave to you, you better return it many times back. Sensual stimulation is a commutative operation, and it would be a shame if it were performed one-sided only. In other words, love making is better when it is perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

You held her high, pulled her up into a kiss, connected your lips, tongues making out. Your fingers fumbled with the buttons on her delicate sheer blouse. You were quick to pull down her inner top and unclasp her bra, too, revealing her well-developed chest. One of you tripped over – or did someone push? – and again you laid on the ground. It was hard to escape gravity when your soul was weighed down by this radiating beauty and her delectable womanly mounds. All things come to those who wait, but there was no rest for the wicked. You took in everything she had to offer, her smell, her taste, the texture of her skin and how her flesh felt.

Like with any other part of her body, she loved her breasts to be worshipped. Her low hums guided your mouth between her mounds, but your tongue dictated the rhythm of her mellow purrs. The sensation of your devotion to her caused a wave of content pleasure to flood through her body, the current of tingles emanated from her brain surged across her chest, causing sparks to fly through her stomach, and swashed against her core to be forked into separate ripples coasting along her legs, before hitting her toes and causing them to curl.

Your hands did not remain idle. Just like your tongue they moved back and forth all over her body, feeling her up just like you are tasting her breasts. Minji reciprocated your attention by pulling in her lower wings and extending them again, her splendid thighs and heavenly shaped calves were roaming your body. You felt her everywhere, she made sure you got everything from her.

She shifted around, taking away your favorite baby-soother in the process, but instead putting a favorite meal of yours in its place – welcome to your dream world. The musk was strong, a mix of Minji’s own odor mixed with the pungent smell of the dripping wet juices it was coated in. The flavor was both sweet and sour, with a trace of the same taste you experienced on her chest and in her kiss. With every lick on her core, she nudged closer to her destined place on your face. With every fraction of an inch that she moved, she was closer to smothering you completely.

The darkness slowly engulfed you, not that you minded being trapped in the dream – between her voluminous thighs – if it was a good way to bring her pleasure. Plowing through the dampness and exploring the cave before you would be the only way out. A deep dive into her hole brought back a tongue covered in copious amounts of juices, which you deposited in your own mouth before swallowing. You rang her doorbell, asking for a free refill, announcing your return, before entering the cave again.

Minji meanwhile rested on low hills and even shallower grooves, but there was a noticeable pole in front of her. It was hard as steel, yet it was bouncy to her touch. She knew despite its shape it had volcanic properties, being capable of shooting jets of hot ejaculate through its main vent, its solid remains forming a fertile seed for future growth. In fact, she had observed it erupt violently before. A reasonable onlooker would have been cautious in their handling of the erect mast, but Minji was on cloud nine. Her hand was reaching for your shaft. It was as if her brain ran on someone else’s computer.

Minji played with your cock despite the assault on her core by your tongue. It wormed its way inside of her vagina, wriggling around before tracing her lower lips up and down, and drawing a ring around her nub before repeating the procedure. The counterattack to reclaim Wall Maria involved her own tongue tracing your cock up and down, before circling over the bulbous head. Not only did the mast of steel twitch slightly, but the attack stumbled.

Her thick lips now engulfed your shaft. She was out to tame the horny creature beneath her. One would be the tortoise in this hunt to the peak, and the other the hare. Together they would race around the vicious cycle of pleasure, getting each other closer, coming head-to-head on the edge and pulling away again, before entering the next cycle. One was going faster; one was going slower. Because the hornier one would choke on its ambitions, eventually even the tortoise would catch up to the hare. Minji devoured the hare’s tail all the way down, choking on it and feeling it throb and wriggle at the back of her throat. The hare did not relent, however, and instead intensified its attack, its head circling around her nub, unafraid of the secretions her cavern produced in defense, but now even more determined to continue. There would be only one way to break out of this recurring loop – they would have to both lose themselves to pleasure simultaneously.

No matter how hard she worked on it, the pole would not let itself be defused. But without air, there can be no fire. Minji would have to drown the volcano’s air vent, cutting it off from its oxygen supply. You pulled on her thighs, groping her butt, pushing her core further into your face as tight as possible. It was hard to tell who was struggling more, whether she was convulsing more under your assault, or your cock was throbbing harder in her mouth. Small gushes from her walls announced her own impending eruption, telling you to brace yourself for what is to come. But you lose control of yourself when the storm hits you, a downpour of juices bringing you the bliss you were looking for by flooding your mouth and nose. The spit covering the hot rod was not enough to extinguish it, so your cum could fill her throat unhindered.

Minji was gagging on your little volcano as it erupted once more, payback for setting off such a dangerous object. You meanwhile were groaning and choking on her juices while getting drenched by her geyser, locked helpless between her strong thighs. Hips were spasming with their orgasms. Sweaty bodies rubbing against each other, both squirting their fluids into one another.

It took a moment for you both to settle down, to catch your breath. Minji just kept laying on top of you, rubbing your still-hard shaft and thighs and butt. You did the same to her while under her, enjoying the feeling of her.

“I hope your balls are not exhausted yet,” she said with a smile, voice slightly hoarse.

Your answer was to dive back in for a second serving. More of her was never enough. A lot of evenings had gone like this already, and yet you both came to each other for more. This was not the first time you had explored each other. And it won’t be the last time. Breath hitting the wet organs kept the heat in check. She gave you a series of hard squeezes trailing from your thighs to your groin, before getting up.

“I’ll be right back.” Minji went to get something from her bag and threw something on the table, something shiny and square and slightly convex, then she picked up a mug. “Come to me now, baby boy,” she said as she took a sip, but she did not swallow. Now it was her turn to pull you into a kiss. Your mouths connected once more, her tongue pushed through your lips, and you both got to taste the chocolate. Both your tongues danced and wrestled each other in the sweet bath, coating one another and cleansing it off again.

Your hands and arms battled with each other too, groping and guiding each other, pulling on clothes and undergarments to finally get rid of them, getting stuck on every nook and curve. The final piece of wear was her glasses, which she elevated into the air without destination before being catapulted towards the table without aim, bumping against one of the mugs. Another opportunity to trip and fall over, although this time it was you who landed on top of her, noses nearly bumping into each other.

“Minji, how can you be so beautiful,” you conjured up a smile on her face. You loved her beyond her appearance of course. The source of your affection for her was simple: Humans truly are most beautiful when they are just smiling and having fun. Minji could turn your mood around in seconds, and today was no different. Those mesmerizing hazel eyes of her could dissolve any stress you had. “Some days I do wonder why you spend so much time with me,” you whispered your thoughts.

“Midnight, close to you,” she said as she went through her own thoughts. Minji did not have to think a lot. It was easy.

“BEcause I love you.”

Minji launched herself high into another kiss, sucking out of your stomach what hundreds of butterflies had swirled up. It was clear that she appreciated you being there for her just as much as you felt empty without her. “I feel good around you,” she added. She was right. Not only did she spend a lot of time with you, but you went out of the way to be with her, to make her happy, to make her time with you worthwhile.

“I love you, too, mommy.”

Hearing and saying the three words lifted a lot off your mind. She embraced you tighter, your lips seeking out each other. The desire for each other burned strong. Moaning reverbed through each other's mouths. “Mommy, I want you so much,” you managed to say. Your cock was still standing proud, rubbing itself on her doorbell, waiting to be allowed inside.

“Take me as yours then, my chemical hype boy.” Her cheek brushed against yours when smiling. “But first tell me: Would you rather treasure me like a cherished pet or milk me like cattle?” Your logic is screaming: Yes.

Noses hovering over each other, heavy breathing brushing on cheeks and lips, eyes staring into eyes, strong thighs pressing into stronger thighs, one pair spread and the other bent.

“The pole train runs on whole grain!” You screamed, like how bungee jumpers or parachutists exclaim when they plunge boots first into hell. Your cock was racing to be inside of her faster than your thoughts. Like with a perfect equation ready to be solved, you substituted the emptiness in her longing core with the feeling of you. A substitution with the force of a mountain, the heat of a volcano. Minji opened her mouth in shock but in silence, the feeling of your penis spearing itself inside overwhelming her. You were sure she wanted to say something, but no voice came out of her.

Her breathing was labored, sudden gasps with each thrust. Her walls were tight, the cavern had to give way to the intrusive pole forcing its way inside. A ripple, this time physical, traveled from her butt cheeks up her body each time your hip crashed into hers, a wave of pressure making its way to the outlet between her other cheeks before finally venting.

Her tits were squeezed between her body and your chest, but that did not stop them from shaking around with the ripple passing through. Every woman was built different, felt different, thought different. But Minji had made it clear to you that she loved to be overwhelmed.

She had her eyelids closed, letting the waves of bliss wash over her and throughout her body. Her little boy could reach far deeper than your tongue ever could. And it was way bigger, stretching her wider. But Minji enjoyed her time with both – after all, each had their merits. A tongue could not just worm itself into unexplored areas, but also move and rub and push unlike a penis. For now, she just enjoyed her walls being parted in rhythm.

But a question still lingered in your mind. Perhaps now you were more receptive to understanding the concept.

“Minji, tell me again, how do monads work?”

Not a very romantic question, and especially not suitable for intercourse, but she was used to your constant babbling, an indication that your head was free and unoccupied – better hope that we are not going down a rabbit hole. Not that you ever stopped making fun of everything. At the same time, you were not the only one capable of making jokes.

“A monad is just a monoid in the category of endofunctors, what’s the problem?” she answered with a straight face. Your steady rhythm barely interrupted her voice, a strong display of her composure. You understood the words, but the sentence did not make any sense. Well, ok, maybe not even the words. You should admit that you did not understand anything.

“I could tell you a monad joke, but first... I would need to tell you jokes about functors and... applicatives,” she told another, smiling. Is this retribution for your own silly jokes? She was starting to pant between words. “What do you call... a verb that likes to apply... for jobs?” She was giggling. This one did not make any sense.

“Please, no, stop mommy,” you pleaded. She knew how to get you. You tried to muffle her with a kiss, but she managed to break free. “An applicative,” Minji laughed when telling you the answer. It was a pun, a word play, rather than a scientific joke. “I know some more~,” she chuckled.

“Let me come up with something, too.” It took you a moment, but an idea popped into your head. The missing piece to an equation that no one had been able to solve yet. You could just barely hold your laughter in anticipation. Let us start with the abstract: “Hey, mommy, let me ask you, what’s one plus one?”

Minji realized where this was going. This was simple math, albeit with an imaginary component. “Are you serious!? Three?”

“Well, let’s suppose, inside of your pussy. Penis goes in, penis and baby come out. Math does not check out, what’s missing?” Setting up the introduction for this joke with a central question, you tried to nudge an answer out of her. And the hint you gave Minji was to give her the mating press.

Minji growled. “Fucking sex-ed. That’s how biology works… silly boy.” She was not about to give in to the riddle you had posed. But the thrusts would not stop until the punchline had been served.

“Indeed, the female anatomy is something wonderful, creating new life from nothing more than a deftly deep dicking.” If only you were as smart with your studies instead of cracking terrible jokes. While this was not an exact science, the conclusion that making babies was a product made of thin air and the energy induced by the pounding is alluringly plausible, however inherently flawed.

“OMG fucking hurry up,” she shouted, having had enough of your nonsense. Slowly losing her composure, Minji tightened her embrace around you, closed her eyes, bit on her lips, pulling you in closer. She was close, you could hear it in how she alternated between moaning and squealing. It was also difficult for you to uphold the asymptotic behavior as your hammering approached the edge. It was clear that the limit was about to be reached.

“The most important secret sauce to make mommy a real mommy,” you panted. You were not far behind Minji in the race to the finish line, and you wanted to beat her. It only took you a few more thrusts until your hips began to buckle, starting to spasm – but not just yours. One last push would bring you both over the edge. Finally, content with the procedure so far, you proclaim the solution: “My cum!”

Once is happenstance. Twice is sincere lovemaking. Thrice is proving that Minji is going to get knocked up today. None of her attempts today to stop the volcano have borne any fruit. For one more time Mt. Priapus erupted with boiling hot fervor, sending a stream of molten cream blazing its way through the caverns behind mommy’s lavatory, leading into the chamber of secrets. A tide of secretion was launched against the current, it tried in vain to quench the heat. From the ashes of the hot liquid flooding her womb, a young new phoenix shall rise.

“Cum goes into the whole. Equation is complete. The sum of the ingredients is now empty. Q.E.D. Geddit?” Your cheeky joke was rewarded solely with your own laughter, and a pinch on the nose by her. In closing, this was nothing more than a silly mood booster. You stayed on top of a sweaty Minji, still embracing her tightly while she kept panting, smiling, showing her cheeks.

“What an astoundingly terrible scientific conclusion...” Minji did not know whether to groan or to laugh. Droplets of sweat were running down her face, body sticking to the floor, but she was visibly satisfied with what you had laid on the table. This is a contradiction with her reaction to your elaborate joke. “I think we should invite Yoo over for a peer review,” she suggested suggestively.

You tried to be respectful of her offer, but you were not ready yet. “I-I have barely anything written yet—” Another pinch on your nose cut you off. “I was talking about something else, innocent little—”

A sudden realization hit her. Did she forget something on the stove? Was Minji hatching a devious plan for your future endeavors? Were you too hasty? Would she be open to multiple inheritance with Yoo? The chocolate was getting cold. Glittering on the table. No, something was different this time. She put on a vicious smile that made you feel uneasy.

“Horny boy, when did I give you permission to not use protection?”

Given her question, the answer may be obvious. But we both know that this is an exercise left for the reader.

[riotwritesthings]

Come on, Baby, Won't You Give Me Some?

WinterIron - M, 700 - Fluff, Humor, post-confession, post-coital, afterglow, aftermath

After the confessions and the getting together, Tony and Bucky revisit an old conversation. Namely, ‘clothes everywhere, everyone’s sweaty and sore and covered in bite marks.’

This has been sitting in my drafts forever and idk I'm just on a finishing things kick. plz enjoy.

Sequel to I Want Love in the Aftermath

~

With a final groan, Tony lets himself collapse down on top of Bucky. Their sweat-slicked skin slides together in a way that would no-doubt have Tony’s cock trying to fill again if he were just a couple of years younger, but as it is all of his muscles feel like pulled taffy and Tony isn’t even sure he can move at the moment.

“Holy fuck,” he sighs into the warm skin of Bucky’s throat, more than a little stunned at just how unbelievable that had been. Tony is no stranger to crazy amazing sex, but holy fuck.

Bucky lets out a hum of agreement, his hands moving over Tony’s back. After a second he adds “I think your elbow is digging into my spleen.”

“You’re tough, you’ll live without your spleen,” Tony says and doesn’t even pretend to consider moving. His thighs are starting to ache and protest being spread wide on either side of Bucky’s hips, but that’s not going to move him either.

“Heartless,” Bucky says with a heavy sigh that has his chest rising and falling, and Tony along with it.

“That’s not what you said earlier,” Tony points out, a wide smile taking over his face. He lifts his head just enough to point his grin up at Bucky as he teases, “You said that I have a giant heart.”

“I don’t remember that,” Bucky says with a sniff, and he’s doing a terrible job of fighting down the smile growing on his face.

“Yup,” Tony says, popping his lips on the last letter, but his teasing tone is ruined by the fond warmth that fills his voice as he continues, “In fact, you said you love my giant heart, you just can’t stay away.” He waits while Bucky makes a couple of thoughtful noises, like he hadn’t said those exact words an hour ago, and then Tony adds, ”Also, my ass. I very distinctly remember you saying that you love my ass.”

“I sure do,” Bucky acknowledges with a huff of laughter, and then rolls over onto his side without warning.

Tony makes a sound caught somewhere between a squawk and a groan as he’s dumped onto the mattress, Bucky’s cock finally slipping out of him in the process. Once he stops bouncing slightly, he doesn’t hesitate to throw an arm over Bucky and snuggle in closer with a lazy sigh.

When he catches sight of his arm, though, Tony’s eyes widen. He lifts his head again so he can start taking inventory of the clear teeth marks that litter his skin, along his arm and all across his chest. There are hickies down his stomach, covering his thighs, and Tony laughs abruptly as a memory comes back to him.

“What?” Bucky asks, eyebrow raised and lips twitching like he’s trying to decide if he should be offended or laugh along.

“You weren’t kidding about the bite marks,” Tony says with a wiggle of his eyebrows, “‘the aftermath’ indeed.”

Bucky’s eyebrows pull together adorably in confusion before he clearly remembers the same conversation that Tony did. The one from several months ago, when they each walked into the kitchen only to be ambushed by most of the team demanding to know their preferred term for afterglow.

Tony doesn’t remember most of the conversation, but he definitely remembers Bucky’s answer. It had haunted him and he’s feeling pretty pleased that he finally got to experience it firsthand, especially when a smug grin starts to spread across Bucky’s face.

“Whoops,” Bucky says, dry and not at all apologetic, and Tony laughs as he sidles in a little closer.

Bucky pulls him in with a low, happy sound, brushing the hair away from Tony’s forehead before placing a kiss in the same spot. They lapse into a comfortable silence, tangled together and running their hands lazily over every inch of skin that they can reach. Tony makes a soft noise of complaint when Bucky pulls back just enough to look down at him, but reluctantly squints his eyes open.

”I never asked,“ Bucky says, like he can’t believe it’s just occurring to him, ”what was your answer to that question?“

Tony actually has to think for a second before he remembers, and then he feels a heated smirk spread across his face.

“Foreplay,” he says, and isn’t surprised at all when Bucky yanks him into another kiss.

[moopsy-daisy]

Make Your Own Cosmetics, Get What You Actually Want

Once you've been in zero waste, eco friendly, solarpunk/lunarpunk circles for a while, it's easy to forget the steps you took when you started. There are lots of DIY projects I've been doing for 10+ years now, and I keep doing them because they work (for me). Yet, when I sit back and think "am I doing enough?" I always gloss over the myriad things that have become part of my everyday life.

Making these things won't save the environment, but you'll get products that meet your needs on your terms, will save you money, and you won't have to worry about a company discontinuing your favorites. Plus, it seems like a lot less packaging to just buy a brick of beeswax and toss in some kitchen stuff you already had to make makeup.

Henna

I got really lucky, I always wanted red hair and henna is a natural dye that only comes in red. Well, more of a coppery tone. But, here's the other cool thing: the henna process is anti-fungal and controls dandruff. Half the time, I remember to color my hair because my scalp starts getting itchy 6+ weeks later and I start to get flakes. Coloring my hair takes care of my scalp and I don't need dandruff shampoo to keep it healthy. It's cost-effective, buying high quality henna for a year's worth of color (for my length and thicc hair) is about $60 for 18-months' of materials. I mix it when I need it, and keep the powder in the freezer. Pro-tip, if you or your partner don't like the grassy, hay-like smell of henna, add cardamom or ginger powder to the mix. It doesn't change the color but it'll knock down the scent.

I learned everything I needed to know about Henna for Hair here: http://hennaforhair.com and buy through Catherine's store because I know I'm getting real, quality henna powder.

Oh and a cloth wrap for your hair will let you keep the henna covered without wasting plastic wrap every time you redo your roots. I've been using the same 'turbie twist' wraps for years now. I made them from old t-shirts and they're stained as fuck. Who cares? This is basically their only job.

Carmine Lip Color

No, it isn't vegan. Yes, it's made of bugs. It's also a spectacular color, the insects aren't abused in the process of gathering or raising. They're actually parasites on nopal cactus, they have a simple niche and serve it well. I learned this lip stain recipe from Humblee & Me, and have found that the anti-bacterial doesn't seem to be necessary, ymmv. A 2.5 gram sample pack of carmine from TKB has lasted me almost a year and I wear this almost daily. I find that the glycerin really helps keep my lips from drying out too badly, so I wear my lip stain even when I'm not planning on being seen by other people. I spend about $20 on lip color for a year and that's including the bottles I use to store it (tiny eyedroppers work best imo) and the glycerin. Not quite zero waste but darn close.

Note: I'm still trying to find a simple recipe for black goth lipstick that I like. So far, my attempts have had a nasty texture and aren't worth the trouble.

Eyebrow Fill

My favorite brand of eyebrow liner discontinued the best color I ever found, so I decided to make my own. Beeswax, cocoa powder, activated charcoal, and almond oil made a little pot of eyebrow fill that suits my needs beautifully. Go super light on the charcoal until you know you've got the color you want. My brows are pretty dark but not fully black, so I do a dark chocolate sort of shade. I think I made my last batch about 11 months ago and it's still half full. I use it daily, apply with an angled brush, and it's never given me breakouts or anything. I don't even wash it off, because I am lazy.

Body Powder/Dry shampoo

Growing up in California, I didn't need this stuff. Living in Oregon? Summer would be awful without body powder. It's also a nice way to have a fragrance on. Pour your favorite perfume (I love Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab oils) onto a cotton ball, put that ball in a jar with a bunch of corn starch. Shake. Leave it for a month. You now have scented body powder. It's a decent dry shampoo, too, I just brush it into my dark hair and it disappears.

Tooth Powder

There is NOTHING wrong with using conventional toothpaste if it meets your needs. I have particular reasons for using tooth powder. These include hating the taste of most toothpaste and needing to avoid fluoride because of my particular thyroid condition. (Fluoride isn't bad for everyone! It isn't ideal for everyone. Figure out what you need!) I make my own tooth powder, it works well enough for me and I don't hate brushing my teeth like I used to. 1 part baking soda, 1 part bentonite clay, some ground cloves. Mix it up, keep in a glass jar (metal will bond with the clay, bad things happen, this is why we use glass or plastic for storage). $20 of materials = LOADS of tooth powder.

Cutting Hair

It's way easier than you think. I cut my own hair and I do a graduated bob which is a little more complex than most at-home cuts. I taught myself. I use decent shears (don't use scissors) and a Wahl hair trimmer set. Learn this skill on yourself, and when people find out you can do hair, they'll come to you for their own needs. Great way to provide mutual aid (one of my parents is trans and getting haircuts in a salon would be extremely stressful for her, so I cut her hair and save her money and suffering). You could also do skill trades! I trade haircuts for massages from a massage therapist friend, for example.

Protip: Dust yourself with body powder before cutting hair, it makes the little shards of cut hair way less prone to sticking to you. You'll still want a shower but it'll just be less icky.

[foggynitefic]

Drop Them Bones Chapter 8: Devil to Pay

Devil to Pay

Today the expression "devil to pay" is used primarily as a means of conveying an unpleasant and impending happening. Originally, this expression denoted a specific task aboard the ship such as caulking the ship's longest seam.

The "devil" was the longest seam on the wooden ship and caulking was done with "pay" or pitch. This grueling task of paying the devil was despised by every seaman and the expression came to denote any unpleasant task.

OOF. This chapter took a minute to write. It also just kept growing and comes in at a whopping 10,587 words. Most of the other chapters are between 5k and 7k words. If you're worried about this ending anytime soon, let me reassure you that I have bitten off enough to keep me chewing for quite some time. But I already have another 15k written, including the ending, so as these chapters grow like fungus, there is a road map, I promise.

Notes:

1. Not gonna lie, I made myself so hungry writing this, that I ordered sushi, takoyaki, and hamachi kama at 2200 two nights in a row on a holiday weekend. Pretty sure that restaurant either loves or hates me now, dudes.

2. How to fillet a tuna for sashimi:

3. I debated having Usopp's net catch go into a barrel of seawater, but I couldn’t find a lot of reliable research (quickly) as I was writing on the actual employment of that practice, just nostalgic tinged references to "oh yeah they did that in Ye Olden Days" without corroboration (yes, I know OP is about fantasy pirates on another planet). I did learn that Roman sailors may have used tanks to transport live fish over long distances.

4. The etymology of the terms “starboard” and “port”.

5. Applegators = alligators. Bananagators = crocodiles.

Recipes distressed in the making of this chapter:

Maguro no Zuke-Don: If you're working with raw sushi-grade fish, use it the day you get it, or cook it if you use it later. It will not taste the same once frozen and thawed. If you don't want to put too much effort in, there's multiple brands that do microwave sticky rice, and you can just buy a good furikake instead of cutting roasted seaweed (although that's pretty easy with cooking scissors) and sprinkling sesame seeds. Scallions make everything better. The marinade takes the most time - but I also cheat and use Otafuku okonomiyaki sauce from the Weee! app. Go lazy!

Seaweed sheets: You can do this. This is a life choice you can make. I haven't made it because ref. above paragraph on being lazy and outsourcing.

Roasted seaweed: If you want to try experimenting with different flavors, this is a good basic recipe to start.

Spanish Tuna Steaks: I'm not sure what noise my partner and Alton Brown would make at the instructions to press down on the tuna steaks to get a good sear, but otherwise this recipe is pretty standard and easy. Sanji embellished/supplemented with a bell pepper - you can probably put in any veggies that are about the same consistency of tomatoes' liquid/flesh and have it work.

Sauteed Green Beans: Usopp's reaction is mine. Green beans are a punishment. Just roast the clove of garlic in the oven and I'll eat that instead, don't waste it trying to flavor inedible grass. I included these to show their supply status and what would happen if someone didn't want to eat in Sanji's kitchen.

Mugicha: Much like making your own seaweed sheets, roasting your own barley is a life decision you can make. Itoen makes a highly convenient teabag version, if you're more inclined to outsource...

Soundtrack:

Sensing a theme this chapter??

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - The Loners

New Roommate (Part 2, looonger Part)

While Reginald waited for his food, Gage had taken the last of the leftovers from the fridge. “And I'm not a burden for you either? I mean…"/ ”Hey, don't worry, it'll be fine. Our larder is still well stocked.”. Gage looked at him briefly. “hn, I'm glad my clothes fit you. And you really quit your job?"/ ‘mhm, I think I'm getting too old for that’.

Gage looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Too old to sell a few things or…"/ ”No, too old to stand on my feet all day. Maybe that sounds like I'm lazy, but I'm not, I just… I need some time to myself. I couldn't get off work until late at night, slept for a few hours and had to be there again in the morning . Day after day. That's no life.”. Gage's face now showed something like pity. “Yes… That's true. Do you have any hobbies?”.

“Hobbies? Yes, but it's nothing special, I'm a nature person, I like gardening and repairing this and that. I guess I got the manual skills from my father…"/ ”I see, well, every now and then there are a few things around the house that need fixing. So if you want, you're welcome to help…."/ ‘Mhm…’. Reginald kept looking over at Twyla and watching her.

“So you slept in the gym the whole time?"/ ”Yes. Before the whole thing happened, I had just moved here, had found this one little house, but after the bang… It was no longer usable. Since then, I've more or less lived for the day. The offer of the small store came along. I really liked the job, but…” Reginald paused for a moment.

Gage realized that Reginald couldn't seem to find the right words. So he continued with his own words. “At some point you need a change of scenery, don't you? You don't really have much of a chance here in terms of work anymore. Everyone is their own boss"/ Reginald nodded. “That's true. But I'll check on the cows now and then, I think they'll miss me."/ ”Hehe. Who replaced you there?"/ ”Gus, a nice guy who wanted to do something other than just lie around. I think he'll do a good job”.

Lucky played outside the whole time and then at some point noticed a familiar smell, which he followed and went back into the house. “Hey, there you are. Well, you've really found a great home… I'd be interested to know if you had an owner before…”. Many animals lost their homes in the disaster and were wandering around alone. And sometimes they were just lucky.

Twyla had finished the cooking and brought Reginald a bowl. “I couldn't find any fresh cheese, but I hope it tastes good anyway"/ ”Never mind, I…I like macaroni with fake cheese. Thank you“/”hnhn. OK, but be careful, it's still hot and bon appétit”.

After handing him the bowl, she let him eat in peace and sat down with Leila. She looked at her and smiled a little. “What?"/ ‘Hn, nothing, I just get the impression you're going out of your way for him, hm?’/ ”Nonsense, he's just a friend I want to help. Sure, he could have made the food himself, but he's our guest.“.

“Mhm… And he smells nice again,” Leila whispered as she leaned slightly towards her. Of course, Twyla, and certainly some others, also noticed the somewhat unpleasant odor emanating from him. But it wasn't necessarily due to a lack of personal hygiene, but rather because his clothes had been worn and unwashed for far too long. “Oh, do you happen to know where the scissors are?"/ ‘somewhere in the kitchen cupboard’.

Reginald was lost in his own thoughts as he ate. And above all, he enjoyed the hot meal after the warm bath. (“I've never been very picky when it comes to food. Whether it's real cheese or the stuff from the bag… As long as it's warm and filling. I'm… really grateful. And she's… Even nicer than I thought she would be.”) A slight smile crossed his face.

A little later. “I hope the meal was all right for you. It's difficult to cook with fresh ingredients in winter…"/ ‘It tasted good, yes, thank you. Thanks also that i can sleep here’/ ”hn, no problem. I'd like to show you where you can sleep now, okay?”. He looked at her briefly and nodded.

Twyla went upstairs with him to show him his new sleeping place. “we actually have two free beds, but Lucky has already taken one of them"/ ‘hnhn, it's okay, I… h-ha-hatshoo’/ ”oh dear! I hope you don't catch a cold"/ ‘No, don't worry, that always happens to me when I'm in new surroundings’.

“really? So a temporary, allergic reaction to new living conditions, hnhnhn"/ ‘haha, yes, like that… Something like that, I've always had that, ever since I was a little boy’/ ”hn, I see. well, if you like it here, then this is your room now. It's also much warmer than the other rooms because of the stovepipe”.

“Mh, yes, the room is fine. Thanks again"/ ”hn, good. And tomorrow I'll take care of your head”. Reginald rolled his eyes up a little to look at his overhanging hair. “Yes, that's really necessary. I used to wear it very short"/ ‘Should I take care of the beard as well?’/ ”No, I look like a teen without it. It can stay"/ ”o.k. Then take a rest for now”.

Twyla turned around and walked slowly to the door. Then she stopped for a moment. “Tell me… How old are you anyway?"/ ‘Me?’/ ‘Hn, do you see anyone else here I could ask?’/ ‘Oh, no… I'm 41, why do you ask?’/ ”Just interested. Sometimes it's hard to guess someone's age, So it's really time for a haircut, I'm looking forward to it, hnhn, good night”.

Reginald followed her a few steps outside the door. Then the easel caught his eye. “Which one of you paints here?"/ ”Me, mostly. Sometimes Gage too, but only when he's extremely bored, hnhn. But I paint to get through all the chaos here"/ ‘and where do you get the colors?’/ ‘I make them myself.’/ ‘Oh… O.K.’.

“It's something special when you can create certain things with your own hands. When I still had a garden back then… I spent almost the whole day tending the plants"/ ‘And they certainly grew well thanks to the good care’/ ‘I don't want to brag, but… Yes’. Twyla had to giggle a little.

“d-do you like gardening?"/ ‘Me? Sure, hn./ ‘Silvia, she… She hated it when I spent more time with my plants’/ ‘Silvia?’/ ‘Yes, my… My almost-wife’/ ‘Oh, is she…’/ ‘No, she's not dead, maybe… Maybe I can tell you about her later?’/ ”mhm. I hope you sleep well tonight, Reggie"/ ‘thank you’.

Twyla went to her room and put on her sleeping clothes. She was pretty tired today, even though she hadn't done much. But time passed unusually quickly today. “His almost-wife? If she's not dead… something must have happened. He's quite reserved, almost shy, but not completely closed off. If he wants to talk, I'm happy to listen.”.

It wasn't just Twyla and Reginald who went to bed early that night. Leila and Gage also went to bed early. It was pleasantly warm in the house, but the cold that winter brought with it was quite unpleasant. But not for Lucky, who played outside for most of the day. But he knew that when everyone else went to sleep, it was time for him to get some rest too.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover

[sleepyrainart]

Truth or Dare, gone wrong.

Summary: Toge (a little shit) gives innocent fem reader a dare. Megumi is unamused.

Rating: 18+, Lemon.

Pairing: Megumi x Reader.

Word count: 1,666.

Other: Established relationship, characters are aged up, bunny is used as a term of endearment, good girl is used once, Megumi is a meanie. Enjoy.

A crappy B-horror was playing on the wide screen. Itadori, the only one paying attention to it. The others enjoying their own hobbies. A lazy evening. No missions, no threats, no danger. A nice change of pace, a boring Tuesday.

“Ugh, I'm so bored,” Nobara pouts. Looking away from her phone. “Entertain me,” she says, poking Itadori's face. He just ignores her, so caught up in the movie. Even when she pokes him harder and harder. Giving up and turning her gaze to Maki. Who's crunching on chips. Nobara sighs, trying another person. Orange eyes flicking towards you. A sharp smirk growing on her face.

Dread welling in your chest as you see her forming those sinister words. Trying to think fast, you speak without actuallly thinking. "Truth or dare, we should play truth or dare." An ominous silence fills the room. All eyes on you. Gulping, you try to fix your mistake. "Or… Or something else." You suggest in a rush.

“No, no, we should play truth or dare.” Yuji interjects and Nobara nods enthusiastically.

“I'll go first. ” Nobara announces, “Yuji truth or dare. ”

Tilting his head to the side as he thinks. Her dares range from harmless to blackmail territory, depending on a dime. “Dare,” he winces. She cackles all the way to the kitchen. Cackling still audible even over the banging cupboards.

Returning minutes later with a full glass. Disgusting green liquid sloshing as she sashays back. You could smell the concoction from where you sat. The scent like spicy garbage juice and sickly sweet vomit. Making you want to gag. Yuji's face wrinkling in disgust. He pales as she hands him the glass, “Drink it all. ” She says, grinning with too many teeth.

Yuji blocks his nose before he downs the glass in one go. Everyone watching in disgust. Coughing after he swallows the vile drink. Before wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “Delicious,” he says, even though his eyes are watering. "My turn, Panda, truth or dare."

“Dare.”

“Cuddles.” Is Yuji's immediate response. Panda does give the best hugs. He's so plush.

“Truth or dare Toge. ” Panda asks.

“Salmon.”

“What's the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you on a mission,” Panda asks.

Toge takes a few seconds before speaking. “Tuna…. tuna mayo…. mustard leaf….caviar. ”Telling his story with cartoonish gestures. Keeping you entertained as you get the gist of his story. At least, you think you do. After his story, he looks around, eyes locking on you. Gesturing you over. You nervously approach as he whispers to Yuji. “ You sure? ” Yuji asks. Toge grinning and nodding. Confusing you and as you start to sweat. A little nervous. Yuji whispers a dare into your ear. Even though they didn't ask you truth or dare. You still go along with it.

“Umm, what does that mean?” You ask, looking between the two.

“Spicy cod roe.”Toge says, giving you a thumbs up. Itadori following suit. A giant smile on his face. Their encouragement, soothing your nerves.

Marching over to your boyfriend. Who was nearby reading and not at all paying attention to the game. “Gumi, can I dom you?” You ask, head tilting to the side.

The group goes wild. Looking over your shoulder. Nobara is clutching her stomach as she laughs. Maki is smirking viciously, eyes alight with glee. Panda is hiding his face in his paws, ears bright red. Toge and Itadori giggling. You frown. Why are they so amused?

Looking back to your boyfriend. Who has closed his book and was uncrossing his long legs. You think you see a tint of pink on his pale cheeks as he stands. Glaring at the group behind you. While you stare awkwardly up at him.

Sighing, he takes your wrist before leading you out of the living room and down the hall. The silence encompassing. You pout, wondering what had set off this course of events.

Pulling you gently into his room. Before reaching over you, to shut and lock the door. Pushing you against the cold wood. “Gumi,” you whisper as he's leaning closer. Your chests touching, his breath caressing your lips. Putting his hands in his pockets. You lean up and try to kiss him because he's taking too long. He pulls back slightly, and you get on your tippy toes, making up the height. Chests now firmly pressing together. Your hand gripping his upper arms for stability. He rises to his full height. Out of your reach. Pouting, your hands trailing up his shoulders and neck. Tangling in his soft locks, trying to pull him down. He wouldn't budge, “Gumi.” You whine, trying again. He's still not budging.

“What's the matter, bunny.” He asks, staring down at you through his pretty lashes.

“Kiss me,” he just gives you a melodic hum. “Please.” You pout. One of his big hands escapes his pocket. Trailing up your neck, resting there for a moment before his thumb is brushing your bottom lip. You kiss the calloused tip before sucking on the digit. Humming in approval and pushing his thumb further into your mouth. You continue sucking, seeking his approval. His thumb pressing your tongue down, saliva pooling. Before leaking out of the seam of your mouth, trailing down your chin. Your eyes begging him.

“Good girl.” He says, popping his thumb from your mouth. A thread of saliva still connecting you. You whine, tugging at his hair. Needy and wanting more. “Now, bunny, behave.” You groan but stop tugging at him. Looking up at him with desire. He tugs at your jacket. Unbuttoning it before you're shimming out of the confining material. All but ripping it from your arms. Dropping it to the floor. He's tugging on your top. So you unbutton it. “Slowly.” He whispers, watching as more and more of you was exposed to his hungry eyes.

He stares at your half naked form. Making you blush and look away. His long fingers slide under the strap of your bra, knuckles trailing against your soft skin. He tugs at the strap and you unhook your bra. It falls from your arms, exposing your upper body to him. Your nipples pebbling in the cold air. His eyes remain on yours. While his fingertips brush down your arms. Taking a hold of your hands. Your saliva smearing against one of your hands. He curls your hands around the hem of your skirt. Lifting the material slowly, higher and higher. Uncovering more of your thighs. Until it's all the way up. Revealing your cotton white panties. “Stay still, bunny.” He says. His heavy gaze wandering over you. Goosebumps raising on your skin under his smouldering gaze.

His long fingers curl around your chin, tilting your head to the side. Exposing the column of your neck. His hot breath caressing your sensitive skin. Clutching your skirt harder, anticipation making your heart pound faster. He places the faintest kiss on your shoulder. Fingertips trailing over your stomach. You squirm at the ticklish sensation. “Be still,” he growls as he cups your pussy.

“Sorry Gumi,” your whimper turning into a whine as he nips at your neck. His index finger rubbing against the wet patch on your panties. The contradiction between his harsh mouth and soft hand has you trembling. Panties growing wetter. He sucks random hickeys on your skin. Nipping occasionally to leave red marks. His finger finds your clothed clit, trailing over the bud lightly. You moan as he applies more pressure before stopping. Making a disappointed noise. His hand returns to cupping your hot pussy. While he moves away from your throat. Turning your head forward. You look up at him with watery doe eyes. He leers down at you.

Moving your head to the other side. Leaning close again. He licks a long stripe up your neck. Before latching to the sensitive skin below your ear. His index finger gliding across your pussy. Lightly trailing over your opening before circling your clit. His skilled fingers making your core tremble. Pleasure mounting as his fingers speed up. Your hips rutting into his hand. Trying to push yourself over the edge. His fast pace slows until it stops. “Gumi.” You wail, tears welling in your eyes. He hums against you. Gently kissing the hickey he's left there. “Gumi, please.” You whine, tears flowing down your flushed cheeks. Desperate. Your hips moving against his uncooperative hand.

He sloppily mouths at your shoulder. Hand still against your aching pussy. “Gumi… Gumi…Gumi.” You're pleading, unable to get the friction you want. He takes pity on you. Sighing against your tender flesh. His fingers swirling around your throbbing clit. Pleasure fills you, leaving you breathless, knees shaking. The coil snaps as you moan. He works you through.

Lazily toying with your clit, slowing before stopping. From the side of your watery eye, you see him watching you. A panting mess. Your soaked panties sticking uncomfortable to you. Squirming at the feeling. “Look at you, creaming in your panties so soon.” He grins, moving your face forward. He makes you look him in the eyes. His pupils blown wide, an unkind glint in the dark depths. The hand on your panties starts moving again. Fingers trailing across your slit. Pressing firmer whenever he got to your clit. You moan each time he rubs against your sensitive bud. His fingers pushing against the damp material, finding your opening. “Are you gonna cum, again?” He asks condescendingly as he plays with your shaking body. Tears trailing down your cheeks as you reach your peak again so soon after the first. He kisses the salt away. Before whispering against your cheek. “Bunny, do you still want to dom me?” You try to shake your head, but his grip is too firm.

He slaps your thigh. The stinging pain making you quake. “Use your words, bunny.”

“No.” You whimper, sniffling and teary mess.

“Good, because we're just getting started.” He says, kissing your lips lightly.

Thanks for reading.

♡ ∩∩ （„• ֊ •„)♡

[mountsmase]

Imagine asking him a few days before what he would like to do, and he is like I think I just want to spend it at home with you, and you're like but do you not want to spend it with your fends too? I van organise it for you if you want too

But he is adamant so you decide to make his wishes reality.

You go and sleep at his on Tuesday and at midnight you give him a little cake and candle.

The day after, while he is at training, you would cook and decorate the house and when he cones home he is like, well I wasn't expecting Al this and he is all happy cause no one has ever put all this effort in making that day so special

And you would have a little present for him too, and he is like you didn’t have to, Christmas just passed I don't want you to spend for me, but you tell him to open it and shut up

And it would be something little but super significant, I'm thinking about your home keys, and he is super emotional🤭🥺

yes I love the idea of having a quiet day in at home 🤭 maybe you see all his friends or go out with his family for a meal the day before and then you stay at his and give him a little cake at midnight and you have a slow morning (loads of lazy morning sex) and maybe even make him breakfast in bed before he leaves for training

Have you seen when people tape Polaroid pictures to the strings on balloons? Because I’d love to do that 😌 print out all of your favourite pictures of the two of you/pics of him with his family and friends and put them all around the kitchen or living room with some other decorations and he’d be so surprised when he gets back from training because he wasn’t expecting you to do anything

and yes i definitely think quality over quantity in terms of a present for him, like 1 or 2 really special things that will mean a lot to him rather than loads of little things that aren’t as meaningful

When it comes to dinner time neither of you really want to cook so you order his favourite takeaway and have a chilled evening on the couch, which other people might think is a boring way to spend a birthday but he thinks it’s perfect and it’s everything he wants because quality time with you is so important to him 🥺 there would be moves and loads of cuddles and loads of sex because you’re just so full of love for each other 🥹

[rulerofthelayersofhell]

"Hiyo! I'm gonna talk more about the 1st layer. Last time I talked to Shekinah about the two warring Kingdoms but are they the only places that represent a sin? Nope, they aren't. So I'll talk about everywhere but where I live in particular."

"Honestly none of these places have an official name because I've yet to name them. The City of Greed, the gamblers paradise. Where one can be honest to themselves about their greed for any fancy food, weapons, money, you name it. Reason I call it a gamblers paradise is because there's so many casinos there but everyone careful with their money so its fine. Yes, hell uses money, its a hell wide currency called and I kid you not Devi's. They just took Devil and took out the l. I just call it hell coin or hell dollars if its in dollar bill form. Like, I'm still arguing with everyone on what to call it."

That argument she doesn't see ending anytime soon.

"Next up! The Metropolis of Conflict, everyone with anger issues lives there. Besides myself anyway. Its not the Metropolis of Wrath because everyone can be pretty chill when not bashing each others heads in. My armory likes escaping to there so they can get some use. But its not my fault there's very little I'd bring them out against in Hell, its pointless to wield them in my own domain."

"Another case of not named after a sin despite the majority is the relaxing fields, you'll find people lazing around there. Of course for people who prefer being inside there are hotels with plenty of rooms. Now why isn't the place named after Sloth? Ruin anyone lazy moment and they can get as angry as the Metropolis of Conflict. It's funny to watch. Especially when the two are on such good terms anyone who sets off the Relaxing Fields instantly has a hit put out on them by the Metropolis of Conflict."

"I'm not talking about the Country of Lust. All I'll say is, Rirune be welcomed there with open arms. Especially by all the shapeshifters. But those with a lust for life and such go there too. ...By the way for those with a lust for battle or are battle hungry before I go over the next place they just live in the Metropolis of Conflict. It saves them a trip."

"Next is for well the food type of Gluttony. I had to tell them no, they can't call it Hell's Kitchen, I know what they're referencing and I am not allowing that. Anyway, everyone just call it Chef City because with how much they like to eat. Well like a certain friend of mines, they learned to cook all types of dishes. They had a lot of time on their hand, eternity and all."

"I wish there was somewhere for Vanity. Instead my appearance is considered the 'most magnificent in hell' or something along those lines and its instead is a trading hub for pictures of me. I punched God for laughing at that fact. Its also people who are well very familiar with 'idol' culture like Kpop, Vtubers, you know what I mean. I am regularly confiscating the photos sold. Even some of the angels from Heaven drop by to buy some. How? When did they get any of the currency used in Hell?! Well actually I know the answer to that but that's on me for turning a blind eye to angels talking to their relatives in Hell while I talk to God."

"Okay enough on stuff that makes me want to go punch someone I know is laughing up in Heaven, I can hear y-That is not an excuse to laugh harder. Anyway, while there are plenty of other places I could talk about but that would never end. I'll just say there's a place for 'everyone' on the first layer and I do mean everyone. I make new places as new type of people end up down here."

"Now if you excuse me, I need to go blow up God."

[xray-vex]

Weirder asks: 12, 19, 33?

12: what kind of day is it? A. it's a lazy Saturday, i slept in. i'm staying at my bestie's house for the next few weeks, planning to move back to this area over the summer. i'm grateful to have a place of refuge for the time being, time away from the crumbling, rotting remains of my prior relationship, where i have to live with my ex (who i'm barely on speaking terms with, who's currently dating other people and sort of rubbing it in my face) til i move. but it's a sunny day here, and it feels like a mild and blustery spring day, and it's a quieter neighborhood than the one i live in back west, so i'm enjoying a sense of calm. bestie and i made some cookies for her to bring to her family's for dinner tomorrow, just a box mix & nothing fancy, but it's nice to feel useful, & like my presence is appreciated, nice to feel like i'm loved, nice to feel like i'm actually a likeable and valuable person.

19: imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? A. fuck yeah! if you want me to, i'm totally down. i don't have any polish anymore, so you could bring your favorite(s), or we could go to a local shop and buy whatever color(s) you fancy, and we can chat & listen to music or put on a comfort show.

33: the last adventure you’ve been on? A. i guess that depends on what you mean by adventure! with the right circumstances/people/vibe, any experience can be an adventure, esp. things that are new to me. in this case, i think i'm gonna count my recent stay at an airbnb as an adventure because i'd never stayed in one before. the first week i was in town, i found a cheap room rental via airbnb that was cheaper than Motel 6 so i booked it. i had a private room & shared a bathroom with another lodger (i only saw him once or twice but he was wicked friendly). there's a shared kitchen space there too but i didn't use it. i work remotely so i set up my tiny office there. i watched birds from my bedroom window. the neighborhood was quiet and nice for taking walks. i took myself out for lunch on one of the nicer days, a pizza place a half-mile stroll up the road. it was a nice spring day & things were in bloom. i saw a tiny farm with a pony. it was peaceful and a nice place to decompress from the long trip from WA to CT.

[weirder asks]

[littleapocalypsekitten]

The best thing you can do, honestly, is to find a friend or roomate who *enjoys* cooking. I am not offering my services - I have my own life to attend to, but I am a person who enjoys cooking. Not all the time, for lunch I tend to just make a sandwich or heat up a sausage biscuit or make quick ramen, but I do like making home-cooked dinners from grocery store products - and it is a good thing that I have the knowledge to do so because I'm living on the Food Stamp diet. SNAP programs are very limited in terms of getting anything from restaurants and from what I've heard, meal services don't take them. But here is the thing about cooking - even the simple stuff, like boxed food with instructions, let alone from scratch with your lean meat and veggies and all the stuff you're "supposed" to eat: It takes some knowledge - it is a skill you have to be taught and often comes with trial and error and it is work. You've got to stand up in a kitchen and cut things at a cutting-board for instance. If I am making something that requires me to stand for a long time to get things prepped, I can feel sore. This is why I only make eggplant / chicken parmesan very rarely because holy crow, it's work! My poor old mother, who likes cooking and taught me to cook can't handle it much anymore, so she tells me when we have phone-calls, because of her age and many back and knee surgeries. There's the skills you have to know, like how fats and oils work with heat and an innate sense for spices helps, and, yeah, I'm never going to call anyone "lazy" because they can't muster the energy for it. I work part time at a fast food place, at the grill, a burger-flipping job. Don't let anyone tell you that it's unskilled labor! It may be simple and straightforward, but my job involves hauling packages of meat, getting burned by bacon-pans out of the oven, hauling large utensils / cookware and getting wrist and back-pain from cleaning a stubborn, greasy grill at night. I want to try to find a job that is less physical. And the people I'm making the food for? Yeah, we get the stoners at night, but most of our customers are workers getting off shifts at their jobs who just don't have the energy after being run ragged to freakin' cook. When I worked a different job, I frequented the burger-place that I now work at for that reason, and as I've noted, I actually enjoy cooking. The chore that I hate: I fucking HATE doing dishes. It's a psychological thing stemming from my father yelling at me as a kid to do them, so I have even more of a resistance than normal. So any arrangement where someone might say to me "You do the cooking and I'll do the cleaning" is right by me. And if someone's too ill to do anything? That's fine, too. People should take care of each other.

One of my big executive function struggles is feeding myself.

I live alone (apart from the cat). I lose track of time when I’m involved in a project, and I don’t feel hungry so much as tired a lot of the time, which tends to lead to the wrong solution.

I hate taking five minutes to make myself food. If I have energy, it feels like I’m wasting time that could be spent writing or researching or whatever. And if I don’t have energy… FUCK. Even peeling a banana is beyond me.

When I drove to work, pre-pandemic, this often meant Dunkin’ Donuts for breakfast, Burger King for dinner, maybe head over to the bakery for a sandwich at lunch. I’d try not to do all three on the same day, but… I never had the patience to make food.

But now I work from home in the suburbs. There’s not a lot of places in easy driving distance, and only a few of them deliver. Food I get through Uber Eats or Grub Hub arrives cold. Always. I’m signed up to one of those weekly meal delivery services but they keep raising the prices and now I’m down to 4 meals a week.

I’m not asking for money, btw. I can afford to feed myself, I just don’t have the energy.

Now, in today’s society, this is considered lazy. Inefficient. How many times have we seen people saying working class people waste their money on fast food, and don’t they realize it’s cheaper to buy and cook healthy fresh foods? And you can say over and over again about the cost of exhaustion, but there’s still this sense of “no, you should be able to do this, just like everyone always has, this generation is just lazy…”

Not just from other people. Got that voice in my head, too.

And whenever it starts to get abusively loud, I just remind myself:

Working class apartments in Ancient Rome didn’t have kitchens. Apartment blocks (insulae) had shops on the ground floor, especially bakeries and places that sold quick hot food you could eat on your way to work, maybe with a few seats along a bar where you could rest for five minutes on your break.

Not just a few. These were goddamn EVERYWHERE.

We’ve known for two thousand years that people who work all day don’t have the energy or resources to cook for themselves. Longer, because Rome didn’t invent this, it’s just well-known there cuz Rome.

Anyway. I think if as a society we just accepted that “people don’t have the energy to cook but still need healthy food” is a real and valid issue, we could find some affordable fucking solutions. And step one is to stop blaming people (and ourselves) for not having that energy.

[dromjournal]

February 25 2023

I am a girl, I believe the youngest of three siblings in a family with mom&dad, two daughters and one son. We live in a coastal region with a beach just outside our house. The city is pretty average to bigger sized in terms of population but rather spread out which and close knit, sort of like the ones you'd see in a tv show where things just seem kinda simple, and that gives you an illusion of a smaller town. We got this strange transportation system where you step into a lift tram (about the size of a smallish elevator) and clicks on a destination around town and it slides down into an underground subway. The trams are just those small ones and you can't tell where someone else is going in the dark. It's all automated, no drivers. Yeah much like a mix between metro and elevator.

As I said, I'm the youngest daughter. I'm still "adultish" and my siblings are close to me in age. Our house on the beachfront is a large one, fancy and classical. It's a connected but so are all the houses on this street as only a cobble road lies between you and the beach, you can only walk or bike there. It's pretty, pittoresk. Some people areon the beach playing around but not bathing as it's too cold. I am there alone, and start running barefoot just along the waterline. At first just an impulse to "outrun the waves", but once I start I can't stop myself and I keep going faster until I'm going as fast as I can and the waves are lapping at my feet and the wet sand is perfectly resistant as the wind steals any sounds around me and the abrupt end of the beach into a stone wall is approaching closer and closer and I know I need to stop, need to slow down, but I can't make myself. I just keep running until I hit the wall with a bang and fall over. I lie there for minute as no one comes to check on me (although people saw me) before getting up, moving back towards home.

Outside my home a girl (teenager, natural blonde, very pretty but very thin) in a long dress comes up to me with a basket of something that looks like a mix of pears and peaches. She's also eating one and it seems sweet and sticky. She hands the basket to me, telling me she's been out of town at some family members and brought back this fruit that had been local to that region for my family. This wasn't exactly uncommon, neighbours did that around here (bring back stuff for each other when they went out of town that is) so I thank her and takes the small basket. She smiles and just then gets a nose bleed, but I don't comment on it so to not embarrass her and just turn around.

Walking inside the doors you walk through a ballroom-like hallway that leads you into either a stairwell (left), living room (right ahead) or kitchen (right). My parents are in the living room, as they usually are. They look rather stuck up and not very warm. They are most respected in the community as something between superheroes and politicians (my mother). That is not an exaggeration by the way, I mean literal superheroes. They have ye old classical powers of like superstrength and throwing stuff with their mind. They used to be - and still are to some degree - the citys protectors, worshipped for all they had done to make the city flourish. As I said my mother is now very close knit with the local community and something of a mayor. My dad is more a lazy retired rich dude™ but supportive of her and does as she asks. You could say she rules the family with her iron fist, although it's more she manipulates the familys reputation and social standing, and she's good and very eccentric about it so everyone lets her. They give me a short look. I place the basket on a table, giving a brief explanation before leaving for my own room. The house is decorated with figures of horses and horses in different stages of merging with other animals. Like horses with huge antlers, or horses with snake fangs and mouth. They're not disturbing as much as sort of odd. You get the idea that our "brand" is connected to horses somehow, like a state weapon.

I go to the staircase. You can go up, and you can go down. I chose to go up. My sister is there in her room on the next floor, sitting by her computer set up and drawing I think. She looks cool and alternative, short cropped hair and piercings and she's rather sturdy and muscular in her body build. The room doesn't have a door but rather id completely open plan, just like every other room I've seen in the house so far. That means that just by using the stairs I can view her entire bedroom (and it's actually big). When I try to make conversation she hisses at me, changing her entire face into something reptilian/animal and baring her fangs. I continue and move up another set of stairs to get to my own "room".

Just like the others, my room is open plan and you can't hide away there. Though there's something like an automatic garage door you can "call for" to block the doorway, but I also know it's useless since any other family members could just as easily call it off. The wall is there as a safety measure against intruders, which isn't something that comes around a lot of course and the people you want to lock out you can't.

The brother's power is mind altering, sort of like drugging. He can make people see a very different world around them than what is actually there, psychedelic and happy. The problem is that this power also works on himself, and he has to constantly check himself so that he's not slipping into the fantasy where everything is happy and easy. It's not easy to always have to second guess reality as you experience it, but he is supported.

It shows I am at least on some level close to my siblings, though I am something of the black sheep of the family. It's unclear what my power is or if I even got one at all. It's obvious the others look down on me because of it. Outsiders doesn't, since they don't have powers either, but it doesn't really matter when my mom got all the power she does.

He slips away and is almost sacrificed in some weird ritual thing but older sister saves him

I sneak out to a party. It's a small gathering with some friends and music, my childhood friend is hosting. Her family was friends with mine even before we met and we hit it off very well. She got long wavy platinum blonde hair, Crimson Peak-style, long light eyelashes and pale blue eyes - wouldn't actually look very human irl but it's not something I question in the dream. I might have a crush on her. We somewhat drunkenly argue about is which is the most attractive out of a few presumaby famous musicians - only they are actually all the exact same model of realistically humanoid robot, just dressed up in different styles to make different kinds of music. We call it the robot triplets (although it's suggested there's many more). After that someone brings up my family, which always makes my heart sink but I also have to accept as they are a big part in most people's lives around here, and I mention the fruit basket I had gotten and am told the same girl had been giving out fruits around town earlier that day. One guy I don't really know start acting weird, kind of falling over and having a nose bleed. We assume he is way too drunk and need to get to bed. We cut the party short and I go home. I sneak across the streets the very short way back home, but barely gets there before I realize something is wrong.

People were acting weird on the streets too, just standing and staring into the air in front of them, but since I was sneaking anyways they didn't bother me and I was too distracted not alerting my mom to think more closely about it. But once at home something happens to make that change.

People are trying to break in and our safety alarms are going off. We collect in the living room, where mom and dad activate the "garage door" mechanism. Outsiders can't open it but they have soon broken in and are clawing at the metal outside. They are like mind controlled. Then my dad start bleeding nose blood suddenly. I remember the girl and party goer.

Indeed, dad is also turning. He had taken one of the fruits since I had put the basket inside the living room and he didn't know. Nor did I, until I figure out she might see the

I run, just making it to the subway so they won't know where I'm going. I figure I must train myself starting with a small child or animal, like this is a video game. I need a higher HP and CP to survive.

The body falls over but instead of hitting the ground like a flesh bag would, my feet somehow grow into the ground, the body becoming a small tree/bush in the shape of a person as I keep moving and comes stumbling out of the shrubbery like new, like a chicken breaks out of the egg or a butterfly out of it's cocoon. I freeze at first, not understanding, but quickly start moving again.

I think I die, over and over, but it's like a new self just sprouts out of the old body with all the memories as the old one turns to wood and leaf. No doubt still, that person is dead, and this body is a new one with the same memories. I guess this is how I finally find out my power that's been hidden in plain sight.

[devilmayfamily]

You're My Weakness

Vergil x Male!Reader

Vergil never could get over you.

Even when he tried to, he could never let go of you.

Nero brought you home and it was over for the older man since.

You'd "adopted" Nero during the time of Vergil searching for power. The boy has seen you more as a father figure than his actual father and has clung onto you since meeting.

The day he brought you home to DMC was on minor accident. He let it slip that he had to stop by the building for business and you insisted on coming with to meet this family of his.

Originally, Vergil wasn't too fond of there being an outside male in his space. You were competition for Nero's attention, even though the man didn't make himself a worthy option to begin with.

However, after seeing the relationship between you and Nero, he realized instead of being competition, you were an equal. A respected partner. A proper mate. Thus began the mans stupid attempts to become close to you.

Nero was the first of course, to notice this. He became very suspicious of his father, noticing the light (and terrible) flirting going on. He'd never seen his father try to talk to someone so much, it almost disturbed him. He almost lost it on the day he overheard you saying yes to a date with his father.

"You're father is quite a charmer," you say. Nero looks like he might vomit. "Nope. I don't wanna hear about it." You chuckle, ruffling the boys hair. "He's a good man Nero, give him this at least."

Vergil was pacing. He was pacing and sweating up a storm. Dante found it amusing. Vergil found it annoying.

Never in his life had Vergil been this calm and nervous at the same time. He's never had someone make him so weak yet so strong. You'd become his weakness.

Once coming to terms with how he felt for you, he didn't want you to see just how damaged he was. How much bad he'd done before finding himself. He didn't want you to see who he was and walk away.

"I'm not a good person." "I think you are." Vergil chuckles. "Maybe that's were you are blind." You smile. "If so, I don't want to see." Vergil stared into your eyes for a moment, a smile slowly appearing.

Domestic life was not on his mind before. Now, it was all he did. Man's was happy to come home, go straight to the kitchen where he knew you were cooking dinner, and kiss his husband hello. Man's was happy to wake up and get kissed good morning on lazy Sundays.

Nero almost hated it. But he also couldn't help but smile at seeing his father's being happy. He does take every chance he gets to tease and make fun of the two of you though.

"Ew, gross!" Nero yells. Vergil rolls his eyes as you chuckle at your son. "Dante they're doing it again!" he continues. Dante chuckles. He takes a moment to look over at you and Vergil cuddled up on the couch before turning back to his nephew. "You'll live Nero." Nero lets out a dramatic groan. He looks over and smiles at you, his face lit up like a small child. He begins to pester Dante about going out for a training session until the Devil Hunter agrees and the two go out back. "Your son is a handful," Vergil says once they've left. "Well he is your son," you reply. Vergil raises an eyebrow to your comment, moving a little to look at your face. You smile, kissing him to distract him from your teasing.

There were days where Vergil would come home in a panic. Threats from enemies he could easily defeated would send the man into a flurry, racing home to make sure you were still there and unharmed. He will hold onto you a little longer those days.

How the demon world learned of his new relationship (calling him a traitor like his father) he would not know, but it gave him a new reason for wanting to tear the lesser demons apart.

He'll be dammed if one of them got within a centimeter of you. Makes you almost feel bad for the poor demon that decided to test that man. Almost. Because let's be honest, watching Vergil fight is kinda hot.

You are Vergil's weakness.

You would always be his weakness.

But he'd fight for you every day he got to spend with you.

Vergil would never be able to get over you and honestly, he's ok with that.

Because there is nothing better in this world than getting to see you, be with you and love you.

Because what could be better than you? Nothing.

[bittersweetmorality]

— aizawa boyfriend headcannons

☾ genre: headcannons

☾ pairing: aizawa shota x gn!reader

☾ warnings: none !! all fluff ! (hints at manga spoilers, but no details or anything about it is actually said)

☾ a/n: HIHI ! i have like 9 other drafts that i’m working on and they’re all for Bungou Stray Dogs 😁 but enjoy this Aizawa brainrot i love him gn.

☾ ALSO ! NSFW headcannons for aizawa will be coming soon as a separate post !!

☾ W/C: 1,373

— SFW

okay i’m sick of all the mfs that say that aizawa is just an emotionless asshole

HE. IS. NOT.

ON MY MAMA HE IS A SWEETHEART DEEP DOWN. IN HIS OWN WAY.

he’s not really outwardly affectionate— especially not at first

mostly because his love language is acts of service and words of affirmation

no i will not take criticism because i am right

HOWEVER of course i shall elaborate 😁

he is a bitter man because of his past (if y’all read the MHA manga... you know 😐.)

but he would not insult someone he genuinely cares about

and obviously he cares about you bae

so words of affirmation is a constant with him— and honestly it just comes out naturally, he doesn’t even force it

and it’s a lot of reassurance too— reminding you that he does care about you despite the fact that he isn’t very good at expressing it

he also doesn’t explicitly say that he loves you most of the time, just ‘cause he’s afraid of the term yaknow

he kinda plays around with words that basically mean the same thing tho 😁

“i’m very proud of you”

“you’re the only one i want”

“how are you feeling?”

“do you need anything from me? are you tired?”

speaking of which

his love language of acts of service said HELLOOOO

he just wants you to be happy and comfortable

but he’s also pretty lazy 😐

so it’s kinda acts of service but in the back of his mind he hopes that the things that make you happy n comfy are easily attainable 🧍

but when i say he’s lazy and that isn’t gunna change for ANYONE .

🧍.

yeah sorry

my mans wants his naps regardless if you want attention like just nap with him

he’s very very okay with that

AND UHHH CUDDLING .

he isn’t big on like hugs or pda or holding hands when it comes to physical affection

but CUDDLING WHILE NAPPING AND SLEEPING?? YES.

he loves that so much omg

like he knows that you’re alone and he’s allowed to be vulnerable around you, and no one is around except the two of you

and your cats

but we’ll get that later

he’s always the big spoon

not because he’s embarrassed or anything he doesn’t really give a fuck about shame in this situation

he just finds it more comfy to hold you rather than the other way around

because he cuddled his pillow for so long that’s just his natural sleeping position

you can tear that headcannon from my cold dead hands and i don’t want to hear it outta any of you

anyway

he’s such a heavy sleeper that he does NOT move an INCH at night

so if you ever have to get up to pee or just generally move around a lot while you sleep he doesn’t care

it literally cannot bother him 😐 he is dead to the world

also he doesn’t dream at all he just 😐 he sleep

he likes to hear about your dreams though if you have them ^_^ you guys talk all about it in the morning and the way he looks at you when you talk ☹️🥺

like in any situation ☹️🥺 he just listening to you talk about things you enjoy— he could listen to your voice all day

he doesn’t really reply much, but you know he’s listening

ANYWAY back to the CATS !!

you have two cats

one cat favors aizawa and one favors you

it’s no surprise that the cat that likes aizawa more has the same personality as you, and the cat that has the same personality as aizawa likes you more

obviously they love you both but like, if they had to choose a lap while you’re both on the couch, you can guess what happens

he loves the cats so much

genuinely he worries for them all the time

the only time he calls you is to check on the cats when he randomly gets anxious about them

“hi. are you home right now?”

“yes hun, i’m on my lunch break,”

“are the cats okay?”

“...yes they’re with me right now?”

“are you sure.”

“.....do you want me to put them up to the phone?”

“yes.”

anyway DATES.

they’re mostly lazy dates (obviously)

he likes the casual aspect of relationships, so that extravagant shit is wasted on him, especially when it comes to dates

he likes to order in, or cook (preferably with you) and watch a movie with the cats

the cats are in fact a requirement

and yes he will cuddle you on the couch while the movie plays, and honestly sometimes he finds himself barely focusing on the movie, just looking down at you laying on his chest and simply admiring you

he's a softie deep down

a big fat softie

also kisses with aizawa???

soft. so Soft™

he's just a very delicate person at heart, so kisses are just the same

he cups your cheeks and plants kisses on your lips and nose all. the. time.

he loves kisses but usually he doesn't initiate them, so you better grow some BALLS and kiss your man

he will kiss you right back instantly

he also isn't very private about his life

but also?? kind of??

like he definitely doesn't make any effort to hide his relationship with you from the rest of the UA staff and students, but obviously he isn't parading you around and shouting from the rooftops

he finds it really stupid for someone to actively hide their significant other from people

like??? make sure to tell people they're yours?? why would you hide that you dumbass

speaking of which aizawa is super protective

he DEF isn't possessive, like "don't you dare talk to that guy or i will kill him" type like some of y'all make him out to be

i see you and i hate you .

he just wants to keep you safe, so he looks out for you constantly

he trusts you not to be possessive, but his natural instincts from past trauma (again, manga reader know) make him look out for people he cares about

and that always includes you

OVERALL

100/10 boyfriend someone kiss him for me </3

"shota?" you called from the kitchen, trying to gather all of the snacks you had organized onto the counter in your arms. there were too many bags, so many that it would definitely be impossible for you to carry them all in one go-- and that was obvious, since every attempt to gather everything was futile. you groaned as the items tumbled out of your grasp for the umpteenth time, "shota, hun can you help?"

"hm? what's wrong?" you heard a monotonous grunt from the living room.

"i can't carry everything myself, and i really don't feel like taking multiple trips," there was no response. you sighed, "pleeeaaase??"

"i'm busy. my hands are full too."

"ugh, he's sitting on the couch, what could he possibly be busy with?" you mutter to yourself through your teeth.

finally, you decide to simply create a makeshift bag out of your shirt, flipping it up inside-out. you quickly place all of your snacks, and speed to where your lazy boyfriend sat in the other room to stop anything from falling.

you aimlessly let everything tumble out of your grasp, the sounds of plastic hitting your wooden coffee table in front of the couch.

"see? you didn't need my help," you could hear the smug smile on his face even if you weren't looking.

"well, you know how much easier it would've been if y-" you begin to whine, but as you look up to face aizawa completely, you realize why he refused to get up. two little cats were curled up on his blanket-covered lap, their bellies rising and falling gently. you tentatively made your way to sit beside him, carefully plopping onto the cushion.

"so you really were busy then, huh?"

he wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to lean your head into the crook of his neck, careful not to move his lap in the process, "well, you know i wouldn't lie to you."

masterlist

[jackson--t]

The last one turns off the light

Summary: On the day of Ragnar's funeral, the family reunites - but even before that, chaos begins. When the Lothbroks brothers get together, the world turns upside down - and not only funny things will come out.

Words: ~ 3.7 k.

Pairings/tags: please look up at AO3, too much for here. We have one crossover pairing, which will be Ubbe x Eggsy (Kingsman). And obviously, Heahmund x Ivar. 🤣

This story is a comforter for me and hopefully entertaining for you. 🖤 Other updates follow this week, since I had a light down. xD

If you want to be tagged in this one, tell me please. 🥰 I always feel so uncormfortable tagging people and thinking they don't like all of my weird stuff, lovely @youbloodymadgenius 🤣❤.

Chapter 1: Of canapès and barking dogs.

Bjorn, Torvi & Sigurd

 It was not a nice day, Bjorn had known that from the beginning. Going to funerals was never easy - but holding his father's at his mother-in-law's house was. He had always believed that Ragnar would grow much older - and that the day he died would be peaceful.

But the house of Aslaug had been strangely restless for days. Sigurd had already arrived and had taken possession of the guest room next to Torvi and Bjorn's - his other brothers would soon follow. Bjorn folded the note in his hand lightly and sighed softly. He had read through the words a thousand times, and yet he kept getting stuck.

"I don't know why Aslaug wants me to give the speech," he said softly to Torvi, and she smiled slightly. Her hands softly stroked Bjorn's back, and her voice was like velvet against his ear.

"Because you're the oldest, that's why."

"Everyone will think that Ivar will hold it. After all, he's the famous author."

"Don't worry about that, you know people love you."

Bjorn creased the notes in his hand a little and turned his gaze again to the scrawled words. "My father was a great man. He was born in Kattegat in 1968. Kattegat is known for fishing and... God Torvi, it sounds like a school lecture. Ivar should do it."

"Be brave, Bjorn.", Torvi muttered to him, when suddenly the door opened.

"Are there, the guys with the coffin. With Dad." Sigurd said, who was still talking through the door before he could even open it with a rumble. Bjorn clicked his tongue.

"Still haven't learned to knock, huh?" he hissed, and Sigurd rolled his eyes.

"I don't care, now get down here. Mom's going to freak out - you know how sensitive she is."

"Then she shouldn't have done the funeral here in her house."

"I'll say three words to that: lazy old woman."

"Sigurd!"

Sigurd laughed lightly, and nodded to Bjorn, who slowly rose from the bed and placed his notes on the nightstand. "Come, Torvi."

It was not an easy step that Bjorn took down the stairs, together with Sigurd and Torvi. The last time he had seen his father alive, everything had been fine: he had sat in front of the TV in the evening and watched a game with Bjorn. It had been quiet hours, and the last touch Bjorn actively remembered was the light feeling of Ragnar's fingers on his forearm when he had told him a good joke. Ragnar had laughed so loudly that there had been tears in his eyes - it had been a lovely evening.

Bjorn had long wondered if those last moments were enough, enough to be last words. He should perhaps have said an "I love you," something that expressed his deep admiration for this man. But one never knew when those were the last words - and when Bjorn saw the heavy oak coffin standing in the living room, along with the funeral home staff, his heart felt heavy. It was like lead, as if all the weights were pulling down the otherwise strong and heavy body. But he remained strong, even when he saw how Sigurd became slightly pale around the nose.

Nevertheless, with a quiet clearing of his throat and a respectful nod to the staff, he stood in front of the coffin and opened it with a slight, barely audible movement.

An iron silence spread, and one could almost feel the oppressive heaviness as Björn stared into the coffin. The funeral home staff lowered their heads in reverence as Bjorn suddenly said dryly, "That's not my father."

The silence around the room changed as the employees looked first at each other, and then at Bjorn, who still kept his gaze fixed on the coffin.

One of the staff came around and looked at the dead man, then opened his mouth.

"Oh God, that's really the wrong one. Guys, we put the wrong one in the coffin. We're terribly sorry, Mister Lothbrok - we'll be right back."

Torvi and Bjorn watched the men as they took the coffin back outside; then Bjorn exhaled deeply.

Sigurd in the corner behind them let out a soft chuckle.

"Well, if this is how the funeral is going to start, it's going to be cheerful. A bad omen."

"Don't say that!" Bjorn hissed, and Sigurd just snarled.

"It already started when Ivar said he was bringing his weird drug friend."

"He's a pharmacist, you monkey."

"Same thing, he sells drugs to old people. Maybe he can mix some in the punch."

“Sigurd!"

"What?"

"A little more respect." Torvi said annoyed, while Bjorn exhaled deeply.

"My respect just sailed out with the wrong daddy."

"Oh man. Please let this day go by quickly and without a hitch," Bjorn muttered, trying not to think about the mess that had ensued last Christmas when Ivar and Sigurd had fought over dessert and had destroyed one window.

"The day is guaranteed to be a disaster. Just think who's all coming together here today. They don't say the Lothbroks are all crazy for nothing. And if Ivar says a stupid thing about Martha, I'll punch him in the face!" Sigurd snarled; he took one of the canapés, but got lightly smacked on the fingers by Aslaug, who had joined in quietly and silently.

"Don't!"

"I'm hungry, though."

"You wait until everyone gets here!" Aslaug hissed; one could tell she wasn't feeling well. Torvi silently accompanied her to the kitchen again, while Bjorn sat down next to Sigurd's armchair with a snort.

"I'm so going to fail. Why isn't Ivar giving the speech?" he muttered; he also took a canapé, as did Sigurd, who by now had rested his legs on the little table next to him.

"It doesn't matter, no one will listen anyway. Everyone will blubber. Besides, he's bringing his friend, that fucking Brit. He won't talk in front of him, I bet you."

"All right, let him. They've been together for a long time."

"Yeah, while Ubbe will end up an old maid."

"You too."

The brothers looked at each other, then they both laughed. And although it was not a fitting day for laughter, they both couldn't help it. They were only interrupted when Aslaug came storming out of the kitchen and slapped them both on the knuckles for eating too many of the canapés.

 

§-----§-----§

 

Ubbe, Hvitserk, Ivar, Heahmund & Eggsy

 "Which house was it again?" Ubbe asked, drawing his eyebrows together; Ivar yawned slightly as he looked out the window at the passing houses. He already knew the area by heart, had already spent so many hours driving to and from Heahmund's house - and not just because of Heahmund. Heahmund's little brother Eggsy was Ivar's age, and the two had been best friends for a long time. It had been rather inappropriate when Ivar had confessed to him one day that he fancied his older brother - but after Eggsy had punched him in the face for it during a visit to a club, to be fair, they had been best friends again.

"That one up front. You know that house, you drove me here so many times!" Ivar snarled; Ubbe just snorted softly.

"Yeah, it was dark back then, and you were drunk."

"Alcohol is my muse. And a naked Heahmund."

"No, Ivar. Please don't. At least today. He's a pharmacist, isn't he?"

Ivar rolled his eyes slightly and exhaled in annoyance, then nodded slightly. He ran a hand through his hair while his gaze was fixed on his older brother.

"Yeah, you know that too," he grumbled, and Ubbe shrugged.

"Do you think he can take a look at my wrist? There's all this discoloration on it."

"Ubbe, please. He's a pharmacist, not a doctor," Hvitserk interjected, who was sitting in the back seat.

Ivar knew that his older brother was very upset inside. Ivar felt it the same way - when he had learned of Ragnar's death, a part of his world had collapsed. It had taken him a long time to come to terms - a long time, and a handful of Heahmund's best pills. That had helped. When Ivar saw the slightly clouded look on Hvitserk's face in the rearview mirror, he bit his lower lip lightly.

"But he deals with pills, he knows what I can take!" Ubbe replied irritably.

"Eggsy deals, Heahmund thinks it sucks," Ivar said, amused, turning his gaze back outside.

"Why can they even do that? Eggsy looks like the last spade."

"Ay!"

"Ain't that the truth."

"Maybe Heahmund will have some pills for you in a minute, Hvitty. You look really pale," Ivar said quietly; his bright eyes found Hvitserk's, and he clearly saw his brother forcing a smile.

"I just have a stomachache, after all, and a little dizziness. I'll be fine."

"Here we are," Ubbe said, and the three brothers got out of the car.

The house was in a somewhat quieter corner of the town and was a veritable palace; it had been expensive, for Heahmund and Eggsy's parents were both doctors. Heahmund had confessed to Ivar once long ago that he knew he was a disappointment to them as an apothecary - but Ivar had always encouraged him. Heahmund loved working with chemicals, and the fact that he had fallen in love with him, well - Ivar clearly owed a bit of that to his love of Eggsy's forbidden tablets. Ivar remembered it clearly - an Iggy Pop concert, drunk to the point of no return, and he had dared to kiss Heahmund for the first time.

He remembered hot fingers on his body, wet and sweaty bodies pressing against each other, loud and booming music in his ears, vibrating on his skin.

But that quickly disappeared as Ubbe pressed the button on the bell and waited with his two brothers. It took a moment, but then a grinning Eggsy opened the door.

"Holla, we don't actually buy anything at the door," he said, and Ivar laughed. He chimed in with Eggsy and went into the house, with Ubbe and Hvitserk following. For a moment Eggsy and Ubbe looked at each other, then Ubbe said, "Do you have anything for Hvitty's stomachache?"

"Hmm. I don't know... I'll go see. Hold on. Oh, Ivar - Heahmund's in the shower, he'll be right there in a minute," Eggsy replied, winking at Ivar, who again bit his lip lightly before catching Ubbe's shocked look.

"Ivar, I dare you. You're wearing your fancy suit, Dad gave you that one at the time for your first book launch. If it gets wet-" Ubbe muttered, and Ivar snorted.

"What, it's just water!"

"I think Ubbe once again couldn't get it into his mouth that he means the cum stains that are on your suit afterwards when Heahmund has... wiped himself on your lips," Hvitserk threw into the round and was rewarded by a punch in the neck from Ubbe and a hearty laugh from Ivar.

"I'll wash your filthy mouth out in a minute... Ah, look. Here's some paracetamol, you can take it, can't you?" Ubbe said, holding up a brown little box with the words written all over it in a very slightly scuffed way. Ivar raised his eyebrows as Ubbe tossed the little tin to Hvitserk.

"Hmm, okay... I'll take these without water, not that my suit will get "wet" yet," Hvitserk muttered, and Ivar nudged him lightly.

"Stop it now, I'm shitting myself laughing. But I'm really going to see where Heahmund is," he said, and went up the stairs to the upper floors. Hvitserk swallowed his pills while Ubbe wandered lightly up and down the hallway, looking at the photos on the wall.

It had taken Ubbe a long time to accept Heahmund and Ivar's relationship. Heahmund was an educated and kind man, but Ubbe thought him far too old for Ivar. He knew his little brother and his moods, and also his volatility. It was a real miracle that the relationship had lasted two years by now - which was surely due to Ubbe always keeping an eye on Ivar. Even Ragnar had taken a while to get along with Heahmund. Not as a mate, not as a man - but as the boyfriend at Ivar's side. He had always seen his son in the arms of pretty women, but never in the arms of another man who could almost be his father himself.

Ubbe's eyes wandered over the many photos on the wall and lingered on a family photo. It was visible that they were a well-heeled, wealthy family - only Eggsy stood out, as always. The boy was just like them with Ivar, the nestling, the baby - and the spawn of hell. Even though Ubbe really liked Eggsy's grin, and his blunt, British humor.

"What do you think it's going to be like today? Wow, are the walls yellow here.", Hvitserk said quietly; Ubbe directed his gaze to the beige wall, but only raised his eyebrows. It was nothing new that Hvitserk had lousy taste when it came to color naming.

"Well... it's dad. I'm sure it won't be pretty. I can't wait to see how Bjorn's speech turns out."

"Why isn't Ivar holding it?" Hvitserk said; as the two looked at each other, Hvitserk lightly stroked the wall with his fingers. Ubbe smiled briefly; he put a hand on Hvitserk's shoulder and sighed.

"I don't know. It doesn't matter either, he's the oldest, and he'll do fine. It was mother's wish. And Dad would have loved it. We'll all be together again," he said quietly, and Hvitserk nodded silently.

He was about to say something when Eggsy came down the stairs. He tossed a small can to Ubbe and winked. "Here, paracetamol."

"It's all good Eggs, we've already had some. It was okay, right? There were some lying here, we really only took two."

Eggsy's grin disappeared from his face; he was about to say something when Ivar and Heahmund came down the stairs.

"Hello, you two!" Heahmund said; he was smiling, but he placed his hand lightly comfortingly on Ubbe's shoulder, who smiled only slightly. "I'm really very sorry."

"It's okay. It's part of life, isn't it?" Ubbe replied; he waited until Heahmund removed his hand, and then cleared his throat, not without another quick glance at the slightly distraught Eggsy.

"I'll go start the car. Eggsy, are you going to ride with us?"

"Who... me? Nah, I'll... um... drive myself later, I've got stuff to do," he said, forcing a soft smile.

When Ubbe was out the door and the others were about to follow, Eggsy stood in front of the door. He pushed it shut lightly and looked at the three, who eyed him in slight confusion.

"Eggs, what are you doing? Make room.", Ivar snarled and grabbed Eggsy by the shoulder, but the latter just pushed him away slightly.

"Honestly - Hvit - how many of those pills did you take?" he said harshly, and Hvitserk snorted.

"Two, why? And you guys should repaint your house, that yellow paint really stings in the eyes."

"FUCK." Eggsy said, and Heahmund grabbed him by the shoulder.

"What do you mean with fuck, Eggsy? Do you have like... no. Don't tell me you..."

"Yeah… I did."

"What's wrong?" Ivar interjected, whose gaze had so far only wandered back and forth between the two.

"The pills.” Eggsy murmured, holding up the brown tin.

"Paracetamol, it says. Are you stupid?" Hvitserk said, and Eggsy opened his mouth.

"That's really a bit inappropriate now, huh... These aren't paras."

A rough hand reached into Eggsy's shirt, and Heahmund pushed his younger brother hard back against the door. "What do you mean Eggsy?!"

"I was... experimenting, it was supposed to be for tonight, I... I named it xylitol x10."

"What."

"What?"

"Is that why the walls are so fucking yellow?!" Hvitserk shouted, trying to jump towards Eggsy, but Ivar held him back.

"I'm sorry, but you don't just eat any fucking pills lying around somewhere either -"

"It had paracetamol on it, you asshole!!!"

"Yeah, you think I'd write party drug on it?"

"STOP!" Heahmund yelled between them, holding the boys apart; he could feel exactly how tense Hvitserk and Ivar were breathing.

"What's in it, Eggsy?" Heahmund asked, and all eyes turned to the young Englishman. Eggsy fussed, running a hand down the back of his neck, then muttering lightly.

"Well, this and that...I didn't...quite calculate that."

"Hallucinogens?" Heahmund grumbled; he still had his brother in stitches, and Eggsy nodded slightly.

"Everything. Stimulants, sleeping pills, painkillers. It's supposed to get you high on a new level."

It took a moment before Hvitserk let out a slight cry of panic and went for Eggsy's throat; Ivar interposed himself but gave Eggsy a deadly look.

"How long does it last?" he asked frantically, and Eggsy opened his lips slightly. It took him a moment before he quietly replied, "Twelve hours?"

Hvitserk was about to go after Eggsy again, but this time Heahmund joined in.

"THAT MEANS I'M GOING COMPLETELY HIGH AND FUCKED UP ON MY FATHER'S FUNERAL?" Hvitserk shouted, and Eggsy shrugged slightly.

"That... yeah, something like that. But it won't be so bad, because… you just won't notice anything."

"Eggsy, this is going to be trouble. Shit, what do we do now? Ubbe doesn't have a clue, does he?"

Ivar bit his lower lip lightly, still looking at his best friend. He knew that Eggsy had never done this on purpose, guaranteed, and that he had simply wanted to resell the pills. They had done it so many times, together, to really kick ass at festivals - if Ragnar or Ubbe had ever known that, and Heahmund - oh, Ivar was sure he would end up in hell. But he stuck by Eggsy, who by now was really pale around the nose.

"We'll work it out. We can say he's allergic to the pills because they were... expired."

"Ivar, that's... Ubbe will never believe that. He himself is so..."

"We have no choice."

Hvitserk pressed his head against Ivar's shoulder and let out a low snort; his hands clawed tightly into the suit of Ivar's shoulder, and Ivar patted his head lightly.

"Well, at least... the funeral won't be so bad for you then." he said, catching an indignant look from Heahmund, which he only returned with a shrug.

"We have no choice, like I said."

A honk sounded outside, and all four flinched violently; Hvitserk raised his eyes, already looking slightly dreamy.

"Fuck... Eggsy, get changed and join us as soon as you can. It's best if Hvitserk drinks a lot of water to get that stuff out. God, Eggsy...you must be from the mailman.", Heahmund said with a slight frown.

"Shut up, it wasn't like I wanted this!"

"It's okay now." Ivar said, taking Hvitserk's forearm in his hand; he guided his brother easily while Eggsy opened the front door.

"You just have to pretend everything's okay long enough. So Ubbe won't notice anything, because he'll kill Eggsy, me and Heahmund then. And with his kind, himself, too," Ivar added; he held Hvitserk tightly as he pulled slightly towards the flowerbed.

"The flowers smell like butter."

"Sure, everybody knows that," Ivar said, turning in a panic to Eggsy, who stood like a little pale something in the front doorway, watching the three of them get into Ubbe's car.

He raised his arm ever so slightly and with compressed lips nodded to Ubbe, who waved at him. Only when the car turned the corner slightly did he flee back into the house in a panic.

The first few miles through the city in the car were silent; until Ubbe cleared his throat and looked at the slightly cramped Heahmund and Ivar in the back seat through the mirror.

"Everything’s good? What else did you do inside?" he asked, and Ivar and Heahmund looked at each other slightly. Then Ivar put on a warm smile.

"I was arguing with Eggs about what he should wear. He refuses to wear a suit."

"Haha yeah, that’s my little... cutie... brother.", Heahmund laughed, and got a firm jab from Ivar in the ribcage for it - which Ubbe luckily didn't see because he had to brake hard. An elderly couple walked across the intersection, and Hvitserk suddenly looked around in confusion.

"Wasn't there a dog in here just now?" Hvitserk said, mouth agape; Ubbe at the steering wheel drew his eyebrows together, while Ivar and Heahmund exchanged brief glances in the back seat.

"What?" Ubbe asked, snorting in amusement, while Ivar lightly bit his lower lip. Hvitserk's gaze turned towards Ubbe in confusion, and he stared at his older brother slightly absently.

"There was a dog barking in here just now, wasn't there?"

"Hvitty what the... did you take dr...?" Ubbe began, but Ivar interrupted him frantically, putting his hand on Ubbe's shoulder from behind.

"Aren't we almost there?" he said with pointed curiosity, and Ubbe turned his gaze skeptically to the road. "Yes, in a minute," he said, giving Ivar a puzzled look through the rearview mirror. But his youngest brother only smiled an exaggeratedly broad and hearty smile, while Hvitserk pressed his head against the window, smiling slightly.

"You guys are acting weird. But today it’s okay. After all, today is an important day, and it's finally another day when the whole family gets to be together loving each other. If only Dad could see us like this," Ubbe said quietly, albeit with a soft, crooked smile at the corner of his mouth.

If only dad could see us.

Ivar's hands clenched slightly, and he exhaled softly. His brother was doped up on whatever drugs Eggsy had made up makeshift from his pharmacy studies. Bjorn would make a beastly speech, Ivar knew, even though it hurt his heart to think of his oldest brother that way. Sigurd and he would quarrel, and even that day hold grudges against each other. Ivar would show up at his father's funeral with his boyfriend, whom not many knew yet. Aunt Helga would have a heart attack. Ubbe would have a crisis as soon as he realized that Hvitserk hadn't just taken paracetamol. Oh yes, if only dad could see us.

But it was Heahmund's warm hands that closed around his and held him tightly; very tightly, so that Ivar immediately felt safe and comfortable. He glanced at his partner, and Heahmund smiled encouragingly at him. At least he was there - because with him, Ivar felt complete.

Even if his brother in the passenger seat wore a slight thread of drool in the corner of his mouth and was guaranteed to be fantasizing about yellow walls and butter-smelling flowers, and imaginary dogs barking in the car.