#just haven't played it yet cause the monitor I'm going to play on is getting fixed

[shambhalala]

I desire Baldur's Gate 3 carnally

[bubblegumgothglados]

This is a RACK focused best practice guide to doing a drowning scene, more specifically a scene where you're repeatedly forcing your victims head under the water. These are my suggestions based on extensive research but they are only theoretical i haven't got to do this to anyone yet. If you have actual experience id love to hear from you please.

Pre-scene setup

Learn CPR. This is the single thing that I'm going to say is mandatory, everything else is just a suggestion this isn't. If worst comes to worst and your victim is drowning you need to be able to save their life.

Learn your victim. How do they react in pain, when they're scared or panicking, where are there mental breaking points. Especially helpful to have done breath play with them before, how long can they hold their breath, how hard will they fight, what are their non verbal cues. Are they the type of person who will push their limits past the danger point, are you comfortable shutting the scene down when they're begging you to continue.

Figure out your nonverbal communication. A safeword is important but not nearly enough for a scene like this. Their head is going to be underwater most if the time and they'll probably be struggling and fighting. What signs can they make to tell you to stop or slow down under these conditions. I would suggest giving them something to hold that can make noise, a squeaky toy or a clicker or something similar, with which to signal you.

During the scene

Use warm water. Cold water adds a whole plethora of new problems significantly increasing the risk. I'm not sure of the exact temperature but I think it should be either room temperature so your victim doesn't feel a temperature difference between the air and the water, or body temperature so the water doesn't change their core temperature. (If you'd like to use cold water or even ice water, if that's part of the appeal, ill happily figure out the additional risks in exchange for a video of you drowning your victim ^.^)

Watch their face. Like any other form of breath play hypoxia is a major risk. This post isn't about breath play, I'm assuming you know all those risks and how to manage them before you do something like this.

Start slow. Put your hand on their head but let them submerge themselves and then come back up when they're ready. This will get them used to the sensation and you used to the rhythm. Slowly increase pressure and intensity until you're forcing their head under and pulling it up against their will.

Have the person fill their lungs to capacity before submerging them. The reason being they will have to breath out before they breath water back in so as soon as you see the first sign of bubbles you can pull them out.

After care

This scene will be intense so the aftercare needs to be too. Again this post isn't about proper aftercare I'm assuming you know how to do that if you're doing something like this. But in addition to the usual.

Have a plan for monitoring your victim for the next 72 hours. There are two major complications that can occur after a drowning incident and both can take days to present themselves. The first is when a persons throat spasms and closes, this is supposed to happen when they initially inhale water but can happen much later. The signs to look out for include persistent coughing, irregular breathing, dizziness, confusion, and foam around the mouth and nose. The second is when water gets deep into the lunges it can cause fluid to build up which inhibits gas exchange causing the person to slowly suffocate. The signs to look out for can include coughing up blood, excessive sweating, anxiety, pale skin, and a crackling sound when breathing deeply. If your victim shows any of these signs get them to a medical professional asap, don't risk it these will both cause very painful death.

Enjoy ^.^

[chenfleur]

dreamy nights

pairing. streamer!jake x y/n ⇝ ft twitch chat

genre. fluff, twitch streamer au

word count. 1.9k

released. 10.18.2023

author’s note. i don't know if this requires context but just in case: a subathon is a stream where each time the streamer gets a sub, it adds time to the length of the stream!

masterlist

"That's not how the game works, chat!"

Even with a door separating you, Jake's whines still manage to reach your ears. Pushing down a smile, you delicately knock your first against the cold wood before slowly pushing in.

The room is shrouded in darkness, with the only source of light being the two large monitor screens set up; they're terribly blinding, causing you to recoil ever so slightly.

Too invested in the game in front of him, your boyfriend doesn't notice you've entered the room. This realization dawns on you, and instead of making your way towards him like you'd originally planned, you lean your weight against his doorway, simply watching him.

A fond smile dances on your lips.

The subathon's something he's been planning for ages.

It's something he had promised to his viewers, promised to himself that he'd carry out at least once in his streaming career. He's taken practically everything into consideration—what games he'd play, what guests he'd bring onto his stream, what would serve as entertainment while he's asleep. At the end, a chunk of the proceeds would go towards your local children's charity.

"Why?" you'd asked when he initially introduced the idea months ago.

He'd brought it up over some late night takeout—the two of you sharing food with distant sounds of traffic and quiet, curious conversations woven in between.

The plastic bag rustled as Jake pulled it closer to him, reaching in and taking out two bubble teas. As he slid your drink over to you, he had replied softly:

"Because I don't remember a time where I haven't wanted to do this. I've been given the privilege to give back to all of the people who have made my dream come true. I want this."

Jake Sim never fails to amaze you. You can't fathom how someone has been crafted with so much raw kindness—much less that you had managed to land that someone as your better half.

ari_01: look behind you bozo

"Look behind you, bozo- huh?"

Jake hastily spins his chair around. His eyes search through the dark before landing on you, tucked away in the safety of his doorway.

The sight of you eliminates tension in his body that he didn't even realize existed. A soft smile finds its way onto his face at the way your figure is illuminated from the pale blue glow of his monitor screens.

"Hi, beautiful."

It's been years and he still manages to make you reel at the simplest of compliments.

"Hi," you whisper back.

Turning back towards his monitor, Jake pauses his game. "Alright chat, Y/N's here. She's still a bit camera shy, so no monkey business, okay? You'll scare her," he scolds. You have to press a hand to your mouth to contain your laughter.

milkbread: MONKEY BUSINESS?

user1993: jake get out we want y/n

mariluvr: OMG ITS THE PRETTY GIRL!!! HIHIHIIIIIII

Jake playfully rolls his eyes before beckoning for you to join him. You oblige, pulling out a chair from the side and taking a seat. Habitually your hand reaches for his, fingers intertwining underneath the desk.

"Hi chat," you greet, a smile growing on your face as an influx of enthusiastic greeting messages appear on the screen.

A huff sounds from beside you. "Gosh, they're never this excited to see me."

"Don't dwell on it. I'm just naturally likeable," you tease, casting a brief glance off to the side. You expect a retort, yet it never comes.

Instead, you feel a squeeze of your hand. "How come you're up? It's late."

You purse your lips together, embarrassment filling your body at the thought of being in front of an audience of thousands of people.

"Go on," Jake presses.

"Just... missed you."

Jake swears his entire stream can see the way your words makes him melt into a puddle. He tries to—and fails spectacularly at—keeping his smile at bay.

"Yeah? Missed me?" he whispers. You nod, head lowered.

It's day four of what Jake had predicted to be an around week-long endeavour, but clearly he's underestimated how much his viewers love him (or hate him?) as the timer seems to see no end in sight. The only moments you've really gotten to spend with him over the course of the past few days are when he stumbles into bed late at night.

You've spent longer time periods apart, but you're still stirred by longing.

A small sigh leaves his lips. He runs his tongue over his teeth before lightly tugging you towards him.

"C'mere," he says, motioning towards his lap.

You look at him in bewilderment, reluctance etching itself into each of your facial features. "Jake, you're streaming-"

"Mmm," he hums, shaking his head childishly. "Don't care. They already know how far I'm gone. Besides, I need to prove them wrong—they keep calling me rizzless."

A laugh leaves your lips, but you still don't make any move towards him. Sensing your unwillingness, he places a gentle hand on your shoulder to encourage you.

"It's okay," he cooes. "It's okay, I promise."

The two of you stare at each other for a moment, as if challenging one another. His gaze is heavy on you, and eventually, you find yourself folding.

Carefully, you place yourself into his lap, the warmth emanating off of him instantly making you relax. His arms wrap around you loosely, resting on the curve of your hips.

"Stop subbing, chat. You're making my girlfriend miss me."

h3artz: i will literally gift 20 rn. do not start

minlmn: sounds like smth a PISSBABY would say

user0304: think about the children jake

"Think about the childr- Okay! Okay. Of course, for the kids," he laughs, rolling his eyes before redirecting his attention to you.

"Tired?" he asks, lips brushing the shell of your ear.

You nod, sinking further into his embrace. "Are you gonna start up the mods segment soon?" you mumble into the soft fabric of his sweater.

Whenever it's time for him to go to bed, his moderators take over the stream for the night to ensure that there's always something going on—whether that's playing games or hosting a makeshift podcast.

"Yeah, soon. Via told me she wasn't available until midnight, so just a little longer. Then we can go to bed," he whispers, fingers gently tapping a rhythm on your lower back. When he feels you nod against him, he turns his attention back to his screen.

mi11: u guys r the reason why i believe in love

urmom123: BOOOOOOO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LAME LIKE THE REST OF US #NOTMYSTREAMER

streetfighter: u literally played league for 8 hours yesterday... what am i doing wrong with my life...

"Chat, stop being annoying. You should be happy for me," Jake grumbles. "And hey, to any league players out there-" he points at his webcam. "This is a sign. Don't lose hope, soldiers."

You erupt into soft laughter, removing your face from the crook of his neck and slapping him on the shoulder.

"Shut the hell up," you groan, eliciting a loud laugh from him.

Eyes scanning the live chat, you point out a message. "Look, Jake. Someone said 'not my streamer'," you snort.

"I'm used to it. I think I was collectively disowned yesterday during Uno."

"I heard about that from Jay. You must really suck at Uno."

He grins, hands travelling up to your waist. "But you still love me right?"

You scoff incredulously. "I loved you when you wore highlighter clothing to school everyday. It's going to take more than sucking at Uno for me to stop loving you, idiot."

Jake affectionately pinches your sides, causing you to yelp. Scowling, you begin to berate your snickering boyfriend before the sound of a notification interrupts you.

Upon reading it, Jake groans. "Oh, lord. Thank you for the twenty gifted."

You watch as the timer instantly shoots up another two hours, making your boyfriend close his eyes in defeat, leaning his head back against the headrest of his chair. Smiling, you brush some hair out of his face.

"They keep subbing," he whines. "It's like they enjoy watching my suffering."

You chuckle. "I don't think you should be badmouthing them. They're the ones who fund your stupid financial decisions, like buying a cardboard cutout of Heeseung. Which, by the way, came in today."

"Oh. You weren't supposed to see that."

"What is that even for?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

The two of you spend some more time talking with chat. You share what you've been doing for the past few days since Jake's been preoccupied with the subathon, recounting the bowling night you did with Jay and Sunghoon the other day. It takes you physically shutting Jake up with your hand to make him stop whining.

Exhaustion finally fully catches up to you, making you yawn. Jake watches you fondly before turning towards his monitor and swiftly muting his microphone.

"Go to bed," he coaxes, a hand smoothing over your hair.

You nod drowsily, slowly peeling yourself up from his hold. "Okay. Bye, chat."

"Mic's muted, baby."

"Oh."

You settle for some waves towards the camera, watching as messages bidding you goodnight flood in with a small smile. You think that you're incredibly lucky to be so well-received by his chat.

Jake's hand lingers on the small of your back. "I'll come join you in a bit, okay? I love you."

"Love you too," you mumble.

You begin to step towards the exit when suddenly, you're jerked backwards. A yell would've escaped you if it weren't for the fact that in a fraction of a second, your lips are on Jake's.

One of his hands is at the back of your neck gently pulling you down towards him, while the other one comes up into your hair.

For a second, you completely forget that you're on camera. The feeling of his plush lips on yours overwhelms you—your mind can't help but go blank.

But when that second is over, your eyes immediately snap open. You push at his shoulders, quickly stepping away from him. A scowl overtakes your face as he snickers at your reaction.

You flush crimson. "Next time, if you're going do that, turn off your webcam," you hiss.

"Mhm. Whatever you say, angel."

When you stumble out the door and frantically close it behind you, Jake turns back towards his stream and unmutes his microphone.

user899: MY EYES

redskies: highway looking so comfy rn

plays101: mom and dad get a fucking ROOM challenge

user555: this guy's asking to be slammed with a ban LMAO

Leaning back in his chair with a slight smirk, Jake's hands rest behind his head.

"Relax, chat. I'm not going to get banned. You know-" he pauses, his bottom lip between his teeth as he fails to contain his smile for the hundredth time since you appeared.

Jake hears you turn on the sink in the bathroom, yet the ghost of your presence still lingers in the way his body is still warm from your touch—the way he can smell the citrusy undertones of your shampoo.

"...that's what love is. Makes you do all sorts of stupid shit."

[boneyardbob]

Marble Hornet headcanons everyone come gobble em up before they get cold!!! @forgottenporkbun @monszsterz

So my headcanons for MH are a lot less conceret than those for the creepypastas cause ngl, I'm still trying to figure out wtf happened in MH. I haven't read the comics yet so I'm going off the main videos only. I've rewatched them a few times and read the theories but I'm still left with a few questions, and some theories I have fall apart when paired against certain videos SO take everything with a grain of salt. Even WORSE is I'm still playing around with how I want to write these scenarios and dynamics because they change drastically based on what theory I'm going with at the time.

Starting off, I think The Operator (TO) is doing a lot of experimentation. Each person in MH is affected differently cause no two people have the exact same type of TO disease. The closest are probably Jay and Brian, funny enough, because both were infected by Tim. Tim is patient zero for the disease in the sense that he doesn't just have it, he IS IT. Each cell in Tim's body contains a little speck of TO that, when transferred to others, can multiply and spread into a spiritual parasite. It reacts differently to Alex because he's also hand picked by TO. We know Alex had been stalked by him from an early age, maybe his whole life. When he got infected it triggered a sleeper agent type parasite in him. He's a lot more aggressive, violent, and bold. I think the difference stems from where the seed of The Operator has been planted. For Tim its the body, and Alex I honestly think its the soul. I could say mind but I actually think that applies better to Seth (and Ticci Toby but I'm trying not to include creepypastas in this rn). If the disease works through the bodies of Tim, Brian, and Jay it makes sense why normal prescription medication works to stop it. If that's the case why isn't everyone infected and wipes out the world? We were nearly at the end of MH by the time Jay started REALLY showing signs of no return. At almost any point he could have left got some medication, and probably get over it! I mean its like, entry 80 before we see him wandering around in a daze and hallucinating, right? His symptoms always get worse when he's in an infected area or around Tim for a prolonged amount of time. Jessica on the other hand seems to catch it really fast. Like REALLY fast. A single interaction in Rosswood has her just as bad as Jay, who had been on the run for almost two years surrounding himself with this shit. She has also been stalked by TO since a young age. I won't be able to get into her more until I read the comics tho.

I see a lot of people confused as to what Brian's status ends up being with both The Operator and his friends cause me too tbh. His motives are constantly bouncing around. One thing I know is he is still buddy buddy with TO. Some people say he's fighting against him but I don't get that at all from the videos. He's either using special powers he was given or TO is monitoring him and stepping in when possible to teleport him to safety. If TO is wanting followers then it makes sense he'd encourage Brian to lure Tim back into it with him. The issue is Alex is ALSO a follower. The Operator finds himself in a pickle when his girls are fighting one another. This is where I really get thrown off. An easy answer would be The Operator is an inhumane, eldrich, perhaps fae monster with no understanding of how humans really work. This, paired with the fact his followers have NO idea what he really wants them to do, means miscommunication and chaos ensue. When Tim is killing Alex in the final entries TO bounces around BOTH of them to get in their way. We know he's fully capable of tossing Tim off to the other side of the woods, or snatching Alex out of danger, but he doesn't. He's watching....I think he wants to see which style of infection is better. Tim's disease, or Alex's corruption. Which makes a better follower. This falls apart when you remember how close Brian came to killing Alex and he got saved by TO. Again you can sweep this under the rug by saying either A: He wans't done having fun yet or B: It had to be Tim. The OP doesn't give a FUCK about Jay dying, he lets him get shot and then scoops him up for devouring. Same about Brian, he lets him *fall*. They're supplemental to the game. Its all about Tim and Alex.

Now my FAVORITE headcanon of all time I use everywhere no matter WHAT...Tim is The Operator's favorite. If we wanna include pre-MH lore about Slenderman, aka his origins in the photoshop contest, then we learn he's been trying to do something like this for a very long time. Tim may be the first person ever directly infected by The Operator to live to adulthood. He may also be the first one to consistently fall back into a state of obedience, aka, a masked state where he's being crazy in Rosswood in the middle of the night. That makes him the favorite child. He is disobedient to The Operator, curses him, openly hates him, and physically fights against him throughout ALL of Marble Hornets and yet Tim never gets killed or devoured. He definitely comes close to both. I think him being teleported around is The Operator's most merciful form of punishment to shake some sense into his first follower. Its basically evil time out lmao. He just ALMOST snags two more followers in Brian and Jay but alas we know how that ends. In most people's "fix it" au, or "no one dies" au, that isn't an issue. My "no one dies" au transfers into creepypastas and the mansion and there is a direct tie in there with Ticci Toby, his similarities to Tim, their relationship, and how The Operator acts. The best way I explain it (and the way that makes me laugh the most) is saying TO is like parents who were cruel af to their eldest child, but by their youngest, they're completely different people and wonderful parents. I wouldn't call Slenderman a wonderful parent even in a very wholesome creepypasta mansion Au but he's definitely BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING IN MH!!! This results in the younger children (pastas) having no idea why the eldest children (Tim and Brian) fucking hate their parents. Its a very good silly dynamic to wrap up the most gut wrenching, tragic yaoi I have ever watched.

[flyingspicerack]

mmmmmmm ok... maoichi allnighter as requested by @lunarpanda

I'm imagining this scenario happening when they're deeper into their relationship, like it just happens. A point in time where its late enough in the relationship that his family wont gripe about where he is or where he's been, just kinda knowing/assuming he's with Mao.

I'm imagining an evening where he shows up after a late afternoon cat walk and he's just missing them, knowing that they're home and not doing anything, and he just shows up at their door. Mao loves this, Mao loves that he just comes over unprompted because he doesn't have a phone. That, or... I've been playing with the idea of Mao buying Ichimatsu a phone to be on their phone plan with them, because if they have the means to, why not? And if this is the case, I think Ichimatsu usually forgets he even has the phone cause he's not used to having it. Maybe.. idk yet idkkk

Anyway, Mao greets him at the door, followed by Ichinouske <3 They give him a little smooch in the doorway and I think Mao was either reading or playing video games before he showed up? The two are very much like cats in that they will cohabitate together, just exist in the same space and they're happy and content!! I like to think... maybe Mao is in the middle of playing Tetris (i genuinely LOVE tetris and am very good at it... not to brag) and he just sits behind them, like hugging from behind, chin rested on their shoulder while they play a while. They talk while they play, they have him tell them about all the cats he saw that day, what he got up to while they were at work.

Ichi is also... you know... ichi... one of the matsus... insatiable ... bet he gets a little handsy... distracts them, they have to pause and the two get a little physical you know... hehe <3

They fuck around (literally) for a while, then I think they order food, maybe pizza, maybe wings? They play with Ichinouske, they play video games together? Mao doesn't have any old systems, but emulators on their computer? (I never mentioned it but Mao has a large tv that they use as a multipurpose monitor for both tv, gaming, and internet usage) and the two will play more retro games that ichi is used to, but Mao will also show him new games.

They'll watch maybe a movie, or two, probably fuck one or two more times? They're... theyre both very physical in private, I haven't really talked too much abt it cause i think no one wants to hear abt it sdfhsfghsg

Anyway I think they just ... they just hang out, theyre sillies... I want... I really REALLY like... like one of my favorite qualities about Ichimatsu is his bits and his dedication to commit to the bit, so I want to have him do bits with Mao but i... i cant think of good bits i guess?

OH speaking of bits, Ichimatsu Deep Night Hour... Mao is deffo a frequent guest and eventually makes their way up to ... co-host... i think... hehehehehehehehehhHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH

Depending on the season, I think the two will go on late night walks together, so maybe do one of those, and when they get back, go back to either a game, a show, a movie, something, enraptured by whats playing on the screen until the sun starts to stream through the windows...

its a good thing Mao has the day off and they can just spend the day sleeping and snuggling

[lost-in-fandoms1999]

I just finished Chapter 44 of ACOMAF and OH MY GOD STARFALL-

Let me tell you something-LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!

I love how my brain works when I read books cause I can picture things so clearly like a movie in my head. Like sometimes if something has a decent movie or show adaptation that I actually like I'll picture that actor/actress they play the character of when I'm reading (It was a problem for Ben Barnes and the Darkling I'm not getting into that 😅) Sometimes if I don't have that I may picture the character truly just based on the descriptions in the book or if I've seen a pretty good fan art.

I literally loved this chapter so freaking much. I could picture the skies in Velaris so clearly! I know I could literally finish this book tonight and I'd want to read the next one, but I haven't gotten it yet from the book store and I'll be like I HAVE TO GO when I literally can't head out there yet uuuugghhhh the curse of being a book worm and having to monitor my spending until I can return to work in June. 🤣

@kristeristerin @the-lonelybarricade

[nathank77]

4/1/24

2:18 a.m Updated/Edited/Added to

So I struggled to fall asleep last night. I took my half at 5 a.m and I still wasn't asleep by like 7:23 a.m so I ended up taking a Benadryl bc I had my eyes closed for over 30 minutes and I just didn't fall asleep. This is two nights in a row I had to mix Benadryl in to fall asleep well sorta. Last night I absolutely did.

The night before that, I snored myself awake. I tried to fall back to sleep and I ended up taking a Benadryl. I haven't touched hydroxyzine though either night. I had to use Benadryl half way through the night when I woke up like 3-4 hours later.

I'm worried the half is losing effectiveness. Yet I started Coq10 the day I snored myself awake.. I did technically fall asleep without the Benadryl but Coq10 can cause insomnia. I don't really think it is...

That night I snored myself awake I was stressed about going to Katie. Last night I really wasn't stressed as I absolved myself from it by writing it out and remembering my true intentions.

Another consideration is I've been on methimazole every other day for at least a week now. My resting heart rate was around 85. Now it's 64... idk... all i know is my appetite is picking up and I'm using the bathroom a little bit more.

I'm still getting cold... idk if I'm normal or going hyper. I won't find out until the 16th. I got to monitor my heart rate and I have more metoprolol, my doctor perscribed me 50mg instead of 100 of succinate incase I go back to hyper... so that could be throwing me off.

Idk what normal feels like. I know what hyper does. And I don't think I'm very hyper if I am. I kinda know what hypo feels like. I was def falling asleep faster when I was hypo...

So all of this can be playing a role. I hate that my thyroid is an experiment right now.. I'm glad I scheduled it for the 16th instead of the 23rd.

I am worried about tepezza still. It can cause autophony, tinnitus and significant hearing loss.

I did a full std panel as it's been over a year since Katie. Everything came back negative. I mean the lot. I got tested for even hepatitis all of them. Syphilis. Hiv. Etc.

Although tbh I have herpes simplex 1. Aka I've had a cold sore before. I've had like 4-6 throughout my life. She did the blood test for herpes 1 and 2... my herpes 1 came back as equivocal. Meaning neither the absence or presence. And my herpes simplex 2 came back positive in the low index category at a 1.6....

I've never had symptoms... the problem with this test is it's got a 1 in 2 chance of being a false positive. Aka 1 in 2 people will have a false positive.

As it only picks up the herpes virus and doesn't distinguish between hsv1 or hsv2.

I forgot to mention to my doctor I have had cold sores... it's factual I have hsv1...

I'm not concerned, as the false positive rate between 1.10 and 3.0 is very high. If I was over 3 it's has a 90% accuracy rate. Under 3 especially under 2 and closer to 1, it's very inaccurate.

I got a 1.6, 1 in 2 tests are a false positive. They discorage doctors from doing the test for a reason unless the person has symptoms and I never have.

The issue with this test is in order to be certain they have to order an inhibitor test to inhibit hsv2.. and if that comes back positive you have asymptomatic hsv2.

Incase Elise is reading this I want this out in the open. I do not have hsv2. I'm going to ask for the inhibitor test in May for my next appt to keep it on the down low, I don't want the office staff thinking I have genital herpes.

If i knew how inaccurate it was I wouldn't have done it. Basically the test only looks for the herpes virus and can't distinguish between hsv1 or hsv2.

Getting equivocal on hsv1... and knowing I've had cold sores is an almost guarantee the hsv1 test didn't pick it up bc it was an inadequate sample. While the hsv2 picked it up bc it can't distinguish between the two.

My lab results say it very well can be a false positive and I need the inhibitor test to confirm as my index is low...

Tbh I'm not anxious about it at all. I know bc it can't distinguish between the two, it picked up that I infact do have the herpes virus but it's hsv1 aka cold sores. Mouth herpes. I'm not anxious, I know I'm right bc of my research.

Of course I'm worried that Elise would be hesitant to be with me, if she loved me if I did the inhibitor test and it came back positive. I'd never lie. Just bc I am asymptomatic doesn't mean my next partner will be. However I know bc of my research it's a false positive. And my hsv1 test was a false negative for sure.

With that being said of course I'm worried about the stigma and if it was a real positive that no one would be with me. Despite this I know it's a false positive and I'll stick the course and get the inhibitor test.

I've never had symptoms, that does not mean you can't have it. However I've thought long and hard about who I have had genital to genital contact with.

It's been like 2 people. I've had a decent amount of oral sex in the past but I was like between 14-18.

Genital to genital, it was seriously two people.

I truly don't think I have it. I think I have a false positive that picked up the hsv1 virus...

If I did the inhibitor test, and found out I had both I'd write that here as I'd never try to pull the wool over someone's eyes, as me being asymptomatic doesn't mean the other person will be....

Either way I know in my heart it's hsv1 cause of my past symptoms and I read the research.

Despite this, if Elise does love me, I want her to know there is a chance I'm an asymptomatic carrier. Although I feel it's a 3% chance given they can't distinguish between hsv1 and hsv2 without the inhibitor.

If my test results read that they used the inhibitor, I would feel very differently but Quest is saying don't diagnosis him do the inhibitor.

So yea maybe reading that kept me up last night cause I did a lot of research.

I got to submit a urine test for the last two std tests.

I have a feeling once I do that inhibitor test I'll have a clean bill of health minus hsv1 cause yea I got it.

I hope Elise would still be with me regardless of if it's hsv1 only or both. Although I wouldn't blame her if she wouldn't.

Although I do think that inhibitor test will show what I've been writing about. The cdc discourages using the test she used on me. Either way safe sex is important.

So I'll do the test and if I happen to have hsv2, well I guess whoever I end up with has to love me despite this. It's going to be hard to sell myself as a transman ingeneral but with hsv2 I might as well expect to spend my life alone.

I refuse to pull the wool over anyone's eyes though but I'm sure in May I'll be saying I have confirmed hsv1 and my hsv2 test came back negative.

If you're reading this and you're not in love with me you probably shouldn't read every entry cause I get kinda personal here. This truly is my dairy.

If you do love me, if the test goes badly I hope it won't change your feelings for me. Although I do truly think it is a false positive.

[iteratedextras]

That's not what I meant by "why."

You keep asking me, what would I say to these people?

People like Wong, who you have brought up before, do not actually argue these positions. This isn't surprising. On some level, they must know they are wrong, and that their demand to hurt innocent people for no gain to society is immoral, and that they deserve to be punished to the degree they attempt to enact such things.

Jayman might actually argue, but who knows what views he has now.

In terms of the people that can actually be baited into an argument, the conversation can be terminated very simply. All you have to do is demand that they prove their bullshit works, and tell them that you will not take payment in long lists of racial grievances instead of proof that it works.

How they behave afterwards in other conversations, I don't know, because I haven't monitored them, but in that conversation, they will shut up nearly 100% of the time.

There is nothing for them to say. Even to the degree that the left-of-center have programs that work, progressives are utterly unaware of this. They all just assume that because they're the "good guys," someone else in their coalition must have worked out the details, and they're hoping that they can paper over their ignorance with rage-bluster.

Against this, they don't even try to call you a Nazi, because nothing about demanding that their shit actually works is Nazi.

When I say that I would demand, "why," what I mean is that I would boil off all of their other bullshit, and relentlessly question why every group must have exactly the same outcomes.

The only way to get exactly the same outcomes for everyone is if everyone is identical. It isn't just a matter of after-the-fact redistribution, because no amount of after-the-fact redistribution can make someone taller, or have greater dexterity, etc. (Not enough to truly equal things out.)

Demanding exactly the same outcomes is inherently totalitarian.

One area where we differ is in our opinion of the liberals, I think. I think the liberals are going along with this because they are stuck in a despair trap and thrashing against the walls. Society has not yet internalized that genes can change, a process that's going to take about 5-10 years, so support for Kendi and the "objectivity is white supremacy" people is, basically, begging. "Won't something please, please work! I'll do anything (except conservatism)!"

I'm not saying that genes are the cause, or that it's monocausal, etc etc.

However, the same stupid envy response could produce a stupid mania in the other direction. Mandatory gene-splicing, how dare you allow Amish people to have a baby born the natural way with a genetic disease, stuff like that. Likewise, intra-elite competition could change the state of play.

in general i think the idea of a form of bigotry that is unique to progressive/leftist movements is at best poorly thought through and at worst actively disingenuous, and either way it fails to address the root cause of bigotry emerging in these movements by acting like becoming communist will infect you with antisemitism 2 instead of the much simpler explanation that people who align themselves with communism will retain the biases and bigoted beliefs ingrained in them unless they actively question those beliefs. like the rcp pamphlet saying homosexuals can never understand class struggle was not a new kind of unique leftist homophobia it was just plain old homophobia dressed up in leftist language

[the-firebird69]

There's a few things going on they're having Denzel Washington go after his own devices and his own plot and they're sticking in it to have him say stuff and do stuff and having the retards do it too. Mike has a point that one attack by the foreigners was massive and it will happen shortly and Mac of course we monitoring and that's his plan and it is wicked it doesn't involve tons of people but we have a counter for it but it's a massive distraction and he thinks it'll start soon and it's not really going to be as soon as he thinks what is annoying the whole time and her son is saying I'm a 17 year old giant most of the time I'm a third of my size my growth has been stunted you're dealing with a child and who gives a f*** about your stupid looking retard at knife him he'd be dead gone I point him out and people beat him up I tell them what you're doing and go after you and he goes after you because he knows what you're doing you're handing them poop and you're treating them like poop he's got a wicked plan and he knows it and he kind of thinks it's horrible and you guys are getting real small and stuff but really he's young and he rambles on and you go off in this trail instead of blabbing cuz your part retard Mac and you don't have it he's just trying to say he wants to be if you can I didn't start thinking you probably can't and your max can't as a matter of fact they can't or they're dead they back off now they're not going to make it and they have to run this plan and he's going to get screwed and that guy's going to get screwed he says I grew up with you guys and we're rebels even if he's separate then I don't want to do I have to watch out for myself like you guys are saying and we're gigantic but if I don't you say that I won't be distracted so you sort of got it and that's his system the way to break the system is to know the plan and you tell others the plan. He tells him he says I have destiny and purpose and since so we go our separate ways and we'll still be kind of doing the same thing cuz we have to and they agreed and it's going to go forwards

Are trying to find your plan because they have to and Denzel Washington is finding it and going after the code they said the money of mine in the first place is professional contractor money that stuff's top grade and that's for Mamas and papas the other employment places or referencing you guys the whole time and the money that I saved up has the code on it and you're looking at and they're going after it and it's a thing of beauty so these are your interests and sure it might help me but Jesus what am I going to do spend no money or spend it and always be guilty and really this is hell so they looked at like that and they're working on it. All this is coming out right now and people are finding it and Mac this week and a lot of them are weak from this frontal lobe stuff it's kind of an illusion but it's really causing them some serious damage

You saw them today their heads are hung low and they're full of tears because their brains are messed up and they're afraid they're on the list and they can't fix it and they decide to try and fix it and get it over with and they're going to try and fix Mac as a signal and they're going forward with it my son says that would be nice and such honking a******. Play all these are 17 year old giant right now and it's like a little older sounding because he trained his brain but really it's like a 12 year old and his friends are laughing cuz that's what it is

Hera says that's why you have a boyish sound, and he says no it's because you haven't made me a man yet and she's smiling and saying that's probably what it is. And she's going to be great and she says it yeah dangerous person Hera... She's laughing he's going to have a broken heart all the time don't have to bear through it no but okay.

I'm talking about what she looks like you said you don't look like Madonna maybe in some light and some looks and she looks a little different true too she looks Sicilian which is not really us and it's not really Italian take out race fooling around although there may have been a race but still is part Italian people say it's about German it's a part German that makes sense.

After world War II too

She's smiling is happy it's about torturing him no it's about what's happening here and she knows you're helping her and today we told her there's a schedule for what's going to happen with her and she's going to have special adornment and she will have medals and she will have a very nice outfit and will ascend to become a princess it's a huge deal for her it's a huge deal for everybody he says when am I going to do that and I don't mean princess and she's smiling and laughing and says you actually arranged it and says yeah but it was a while ago but I said I think this is the appropriate time and they agreed and I saw that too and it is helping and it's raising tons of awareness people are saying it's too much but you should be watching the show and we're going ahead with it but really it's a beautiful dress and it's huge and it's kind of a few of them are like Star wars amidala. And really Delores is in that case and bull gets in that case bulk and they want to go to Utah now and she wants the will to be read and she wants to get herself out too and it's working because they're both in there and she's short against it now

There's a lot of changes happening here and the numbers are different but they are not very good and they're probably 20% of the population still and that's not good and that means 2 million out of 20 million no that's 10% roughly so it's not that great and after tonight it's going to be horrible it begins shortly no it's already started

Thor Freya

[fairymint]

I know this is a very personal question, but how long do you need to take these doses? Or it is until the end of an schedule or is it more until you would reach your satisfaction? This is coming from someone who has no knowledge or experience about this kind of subject, so my apologies in advance if this sounds a bit rude.

This is a good question, and I'm glad to take them since knowledge about transition in fun to learn, I'm learning as I go too! going under the cut cause it's long and a lot! it's my choice in this case, but there's a lot to consider.

I'd say it depends on the person and why they're taking hormones. In my case it is really more the latter, my dysphoria or etc. I could describe more as satisfaction. (as an aside, I'm less of the sad, struggling person and it's more of a mild discomfort like....idk Like if you were stuck wearing the wrong size of something all day. It's about adding comfort for me, I would like to be more masculine, and haven't felt like I'm quite 'there' yet.)

My current Dr. actually asked me this question during our first appt last week more or less, "how long were you thinking you wanted to be on this." I said I don't really know, and I'm going to play it by ear due to a number of factors. her 2 cents was that guys 'usually stay on it until their 50s'. but we'll see.

I am a typical perisex guy, so when I had my blood checked last time, I had T levels (and other stuff) at typical levels, you need to have this done to figure out your dose. I am average/healthy so take an average dose (1/2 ML/100grams) weekly. Getting the blood checked is the first step. Since I'm healthy i can survive on what my ovaries/etc. produce, so they make a livable amount of T and E. getting your blood checked might reveal that you actually have an imbalance (you might find out you have low or high T levels and need medication lifelong. There's trans guys for example that've found out they weren't making a normal level of testosterone even for a cis woman! etc.) Mildly related, but another reason you need to monitor your T levels is due to how it processes: Atheletes that abuse testosterone as a steroid act the batshit way they do because if you have too much T, the liver converts it into estrogen, then you have too much of both telling them things, so they get too emotional and fly off the handle. That's what roid rage is. (This is why the accusation that transmascs on T would 'just get aggressive' and have roid rage is false; you're shooting for a healthy level. For me it calms me down.)

The changes of T are a process, so to an extent you could get off it any time, aesthetically speaking. You can't pick and choose what happens when but you can choose how fast it happens. A guy could reach a point where he doesn't want to masculinize further and go maybe like 'ok my voice dropped...maybe i don't want a beard....' and stop. I say that with a huge disclaimer that the beard could come in first, etc. But you can take breaks or a lower dose if you want. idk 'how' masculine i want to be. Changes are fastest in year one, and they slow down after that. Dr.s and google results like to say 'well the changes are basically done at a year :)' but! it just slows down. But! you look on reddit and the trans community, and I've seen older guys say 'well I've been on T for 5 or 10 years and changes still kept happening, look at This.' (cough cough. their dick kept growing or their body hair or muscles or jawline kept going.)

getting fixed affects your hormones, you need.....something to run on, enough T and E and then it doesn't matter which one is dominant. But, if i were to have my ovaries removed, I'd want to be on T until I got elderly for my health. (i'm not, I'm getting my tubes tied so my ovaries will still be there.)

T does have some medical benefits for me tho. My mood gets calmer overall. And i just found out it's an anti-inflammatory which is helpful since i have a condition that makes me allergic to myself, so i am considering the mood benefits as I stay on.

[ikykwklk]

— numb | b.c.

A/N: Hi guys! This is my first ever written imagine, so please bear with me if I have any mistakes ㅠㅠ I was actually having constant fight with myself because of this, but I finally did post it! Hope you guys like this and tell me if you guys want me to write more because it would really help me ㅠㅠ

Genre: fluff, angst, cheater!bang chan, idol!bang chan, idol!reader

Dancing has always been your option to escape this cruel world that we live in.

You've always danced your heart out everytime you perform.

And it has always been there whenever you can't express your feelings to others.

"Okay! We're done now!" Your choreographer yelled right after your newest title track ended.

Your group dropped onto the floor right after you got the okay signal from him. Pants and gasps of your members were the only sound that surrounds the dance practice room.

"You did great y/n, I'm relieved that you're a fast learner" your choreographer said as he patted your shoulder, you shot him a tired smile then mumbled a "thank you", "You guys are good to go right after cleaning up the dance practice room, the room is needed for later" your members immediately took their bags and started cleaning the room.

"Hey y/n! Are you coming with us? We'll head to the dorm right after cleaning" one of your members said, Chaeryoung to be exact, as she picked up the pieces of the group's snacks earlier. "Nah, you guys get going, I still have rap lessons later", Chaeryoung nodded and went straight to the door with the other members following behind her.

"Take care y/n, we don't want our newest member to not feel well before our comeback, alright?" Your leader, Yeji said as she sling her bag on her shoulder and head towards the door. "Will do, Unnie, you guys take care too!" They waved for the last time before shutting the door behind you.

You still can't believe that you had been added as 6th member of ITZY right after you auditioned from a year ago. You've worked hard to become an idol and now you're here, you know that you needed to work harder than you did. That's why you wanted to left behind, because you wanted to improve more.

You move towards the speaker to play your title track from it's beginning and ran towards the mirror, posing your position and danced all your heart out.

When the music ended, the door suddenly slammed open leaving a squeak from your lips and watched the door with your brows meeting together.

"Oh, Hey y/n! Didn't know you'd still be here!" You smiled at the people as they start to come inside the room one by one, making the room filled with voices again.

"Hey Jisung Oppa, sorry, I totally forgot that you were using the room after us".

"It's fine! You can still continue practicing, we just came here to eat our dinner, our practice has been cancelled" Jeongin said as he skipped towards the sofa then dropped his bag.

"Is that why Chan Oppa is not with you?" You walked towards them, Minho nodded at you then started to ramble about how the oldest is not taking care of himself again.

Chan was your secret lover, he helped you ever since you moved to Seoul year ago. You both got close and even letting you hide in his studio whenever you don't feel like going back to your dorms. It was that time where you got insecure because of how people see you as a person who doesn't have any emotions.

You aren't actually the kind of person who hides their emotions in front of other people, instead you let out all of your emotions a lot that they often found you as a prey. But as you realized their intentions, you started to become numb, putting walls around you as you meet the old and new faces you've seen in your life.

Only Chan, his members, also known as Stray Kids and your own members, ITZY are the only people who have seen your crazy side, and with you debuting on ITZY, means that the public needs to see your crazy side too, and that what made you overthink about you being an idol.

Chan was the one who came into your mind, and when you told him your worries, he accidentally confessed to you while he comforted you which made you stop crying, he got worried and apologized over and over until he felt your lips against his.

And after that, you never doubted yourself again.

"Can you check on him, y/n? Tell him that the food's on it's way"

"Sure thing, be right back" you walk towards the door then went inside the floor's elevator to your boyfriend's studio.

The boys knew your relationship with their leader, and they're very happy to welcome you in their circle of friends. Since they now have known the oldest weakness, which is you, they don't mind abusing it knowing that it's also for their leader's health.

You and Chan knew that when you enter in a relationship as an idol, it would mean that you two need to be more careful since you haven't even debuted yet and dating one of the well known leader in 4th generation of kpop history. So it means, less time being and seeing each other, but whenever you got the chance to go and visit him in the studio, you would. Even if you need to sacrifice hours of your sleep to  see him.

Because that's what made you both stronger and desired each other more.

Right?

As the elevator dinged, you step outside and walk towards the all known studio that your CEO gave your boyfriend to work on their music.

You opened the door knowing that he'll be wearing headphones, his back facing you with the sounds of keypads tapping filled the studio.

But instead you were welcomed with Chan's back facing you and a girl sitting on his lap, her moans and Chan's groans filled the studio along with their skin slapping.

The door you opened slammed on the wall, making your boyfriend and the girl stopped what they're doing, their closed eyes before are now wide open as they looked at you standing in the studio's door.

You ran outside the studio heading towards the elevator before your vision becomes blurry by the mixed emotions you're feeling at the moment. You hear Chan calling your name behind you but you have no plans on talking to him right now.

Good thing that a staff of the company stepped outside the elevator, you went inside and pushed the dance practice floor quickly. Chan chased after you but the elevator doors closed right in front of him.

As the door closed, you lean back against the elevator wall, stared at the door then tilted your head while looking at your blurred reflection in front of you.

You've been through this already, having your heart shattered by guys before Chan came into your life. He knew about those experiences you had which is why it is hard for you to pinpoint your emotions at him.

Are you mad at him because he knows you like the back of his hand?

Are you mad at him because of what you've seen in his studio?

Or are you mad at yourself because you trusted him with taking care of you heart?

You couldn't care less anymore now. He broke his promise that he will take care of you. It's not new to you anymore, but the pain that Chan had cause you to feel it again, and made your numb self worse than you are before.

So when the elevator dinged to know that you've arrived on the dance practice floor, you shook your head to clear your head with thoughts and went to the boys who are inside the room before.

As you opened the door, heads were turned and you immediately noticed that your members are with the boys. When Yeji saw you she ran towards you and gave you your in-ear monitors.

"Y/N! Manager oppa said that JYP needed to see your performance with us now since their practice are cancelled" Yeji pointed at the Stray Kids members who are sitting on the floor quietly eating their dinner.

"Y/n-ya, where's Chan hyung? Did you told him that the food's here?" Hyunjin asked you as Lia helped you with your in ear monitor and handing your mic.

Before you even got the chance to answer, the dance room's door opened again to reveal JYP, along with your choreographer and your boyfriend, who's head is hanging low while following the two older men inside the room.

Your members and Chan's stood up to greet the three as JYP told the Stray Kids to continue eating as your group start to prepare for your performance in front of him.

"I want to see the dance performance that you prepared, Y/n-ssi. Sorry for the sudden announcement of your evaluation, you needed to be verified that you're qualified to become the part of ITZY," JYP explained your situation while Ryujin went to the computer to prepare your music.

You saw Chan at the corner of your eye as you assured the CEO that it was okay and asked you about your performance in your lessons. You couldn't bring yourself to smile at the man who was talking to you, so you just nod and answered his questions before he asked you to move towards the mirror to look at your performance.

You walked towards in front of the mirror and looked at your friends who was cheering you silently, smiling at you as your eyes landed on Chan, which you shrugged and close your eyes to yourself focus on your performance.

This is what you've been waiting for, now those emotions that you can't express, you can finally show it to them. You should be nervous performing in front of the owner of the company, but you let your emotions take over you, letting everything go and make sure that Chan is listening.

Do you remember you remember (Said)

Remember what you said (Said)

You started talking to me

As if you would give anything to me

Don’t you remember you remember

Remember what you said (Said)

Then you changed

As if you took special pills

Cast blue, my blurred vision

Is this true? You won’t regret this?

My yesterday, my boo boo boo

Lonely life, I like it

I swallowed the water, I got cold

I want you to be ruined, I won’t hold you

You were my yesterday, my boo boo boo

Lonely life, good bye

You look at me with cold eyes

You see me and turn as if you didn’t know me

I just stand here vacantly

I see you who I didn’t know

I can’t help laughing

Now I don’t know you anymore

I’ll forget you woo woo woo

Go away, don’t even look back

I’ll erase you woo woo woo

Go away, don’t even look back

The mixed emotions that you've been bottling in from the events hours ago has suddenly came over to you. You suddenly felt like a new person, you feel like you were the only one watching yourself dance into the rhythm.

When the music stops, you hear applause from your right side, realizing that they've been watching all along. After you give your bow, JYP confirmed that you will be debuting as the 6th member of ITZY and will prepare immediate comeback for your group. You give your thank you's and bowed at your choreographer and the CEO, who is now exiting the room, leaving you with your members, Stray Kids and Chan.

Oh, right. Bang Chan was watching you.

You were pulled into a hug by your members, squealing and congratulating you for being able to debut and join alongside with them. Stray Kids joined in congratulating you for your hard work, but you weren't responding, you weren't happy, you finally became an idol, but why does it feel like nothing?

"Y/n, I'm so sorry please let me expla–"

You turn your back on him and went towards where your backpack is, you took off your in ear monitor and put it inside your bag before you sling it on your shoulder and looked at your friends.

"I'll be going now, enjoy your dinner", you said in a cold tone and walk towards the door.

"Y/n, please talk to me," Chan grabs your wrist tightly with his two hands, you heard his voice shaking, realizing his mistake.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes, there is! Please! Don't leave me, I won't do it again!" You heard Chan starting to cry, your wrist now wet because of his tears falling.

"I only asked you a promise Chan", you said, your back facing him.

"I know, and I am sorry, I wasn't thinking straight, I should've never done it." He pulled you into him, hugging you from behind.

"But please, don't leave me, I can't live without you" he continued as he put his head at the crook of your neck. You hold his arms to let yourself go from him and turn around to look at him.

His black curly locks that you used to play with are messy, his eyes and nose are red because of crying, cheeks that are stained of with his tears, shaking lips as he continue to cry in front of you. Chan wasn't looking at you, he was hanging his head low but enough for you to see his state.

You would've forgive him. But the image of him and the girl earlier keeps flashing back into your head, giving yourself more reason to shut yourself from everyone else.

Now you can't feel anything, you're just there standing in front of him; blank face, your eyes that always holds stars are now just brown orbs filled with darkness and your lips pressed on a line that used to smile back then.

"Then good luck finding a way to live then, Bang Chan Sunbaenim," you bowed and walked away from him.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 35

💖first time reader click here💖

Reader and Eddie going on their mission. They're all morons, okay? Some canon-typical violence, bad guys being bad guys. You guys can see that I treat the fighting plot points as total crack, right?

Eddie Brock was pissed, at the Avengers mostly - for not telling him of my accident - but also at me, for the fact that I didn't call him sooner. Venom had taken over at some point, eager to participate in my plan - and it I was being honest, my uncle's space boo was the one I had relied on to participate in the mayhem that was to be caused to finally let my family breathe in peace.

The Avengers wore various expressions of guilt when an angry Eddie stormed the tower, berating them for not getting into contact with him when I was in danger. Venom growled at them, too, just the right amount of teeth and drool for Tony to quickly usher me out to 'take a walk, have some fun, build a snowman' with uncle Eddie and Venom. It was almost too easy, too predictable. The guilt that reared it's ugly head was stomped down by me and two glasses of whiskey in Eddie's rented Airbnb as I went into the fine details of my plan.

Both I and Eddie were equally surprised when Venom dropped their sarcastic, angsty teenager attitude and approached the topic with maturity, giving valuable input. The goth space goo was much, much smarter than their first impressions showed. I belatedly remembered their remark about being an apex predator species... Scary.

The plan was pretty simple.

Eddie was a professional investigative reporter and an unregistered mutant, his files being hidden so deeply due to the alien nature of the symbiote that it was unlikely that underground gangs would have any idea as to who he truly was. His involvement with SHIELD was buried under so much red tape, even Coulson himself had very little idea about Eddie's body-mate.

My uncle would sniff around the mutant underworld, just enough to catch a whiff of the mercenary's whereabouts. It should be enough if he was as famous as Natasha claimed him to be. And if it wasn't enough... I'd be bait. I doubt that the merc knew the box has been retrieved and secured; every now and then, I still caught chatter about the SHIELD agents trailing me catching a person sent to monitor me. They weren't even trying to hide that hard.

I had my suspicions SHIELD was indirectly using me as bait, too, and both Eddie and Venom were inclined to agree with the notion. Over beers and ridiculous amount of chocolate cake, a third side of the operation Baby Thief had been formed. SHIELD played their own game, the Avengers and SI threw a ridiculous amount of resources on their own and then there was me and Eddie, two halves of a whole idiot.

For once, the plan didn't go south immediately off the bat. Eddie and Venom got the information - there was a lot of uproar in the mutant community, rumours about an artifact that would let them assume their rightful place in the world, pushing the pesky humans off their pedestal. I definitely supported mutant rights - but the common notion that violence was necessary to achieve the recognition of said rights didn't sit well with me at all. Eddie agreed with me, his own curiousity pushing him to dig deeper into the situation.

My uncle could be a brilliant investigative reporter with the proper motivation and his significant other at the side. I could never tire of Venom's stories: each and every time they saved Eddie from making a clown out of himself was remembered, documented and brought up at the quickest available opportunity. I haven't laughed so hard in months.

The positives of our plan? We got a hot trail and enough information to know about the mercenary's whereabouts. We possessed the manpower needed to off him in record time, Venom eagerly offering his digestive system for our convenience.

The negatives? We'd need to bring me. Apparently there was a hefty bounty on my pretty little head and the merc himself had given up trying to chase me, hiring a bunch of muscle to do the legwork for him instead. The mercenary, a man who went by the nickname Cadre, was an ex-shield agent, who knew enough to successfully avoid the organisation following hot on his heels.

And neither SHIELD, nor Tony nor Eddie knew who had ordered the retrieval of the artifact. The mysterious person had deep pockets: all of the men were supplied with high grade weaponry and the mutants participating in the missions had equipment specifically tailored to their powers.

Perhaps, I wasn't as clever as I wanted myself to be. There was something big and ugly brewing and the bounty on my head was just the tip of the iceberg. But what was done, was done, and Venom was looking forward to a hefty meal and we set the date of Eddie "kidnapping" me in a few days time.

I hoped I'd make it home for Christmas.

The biggest surprise was that nobody suspected anything. Not even Natasha's watchful eye and inherent knowledge of shit about to be stirred - somehow, Nat always just knew those things - had revealed itself and that's how I knew it was absolutely necessary for me to be successful. There was no room for failure. In the day before my planned trip to Cadre's lair, I forced the team into a movie night and took extra time with everybody, seeing as even the most cheerful people - Thor and Wanda - walked around with sullen faces for most of the time. Perhaps, deep down, I knew that chances of my plan going awry were pretty damn high.

It felt like I was leaving for war. And perhaps, I was. The nervous, anxious energy increased as the hour X drew closer and I couldn't hide it anymore. My insomnia wore Tony's face: I could see his disappointment as clear as day, but I figured he'd forgive me for the betrayal eventually. Every single thing I hid from my newfound family made me feel a traitor. Unfortunately, there was simply no other option.

That afternoon, Eddie picked me up from the tower and drove me to one of the hideouts that belonged to Cabre. He'd tied my hands together and blindfolded me, all for show of course, whilst Venom briefly connected with my body to induce a drowsy state of mind. I didn't actually mind to be drugged and was way more wary of the symbiote's effects on my body but the space pudding extended his tentacles so quickly, I barely had the time to even swear at them.

To my (and their) surprise, it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. In my hazy state, I briefly head Venom growl that I could be a decent short-term host if something would to happen with Eddie; I did not know how that information made me feel but did not disregard it completely. I was out of my depth on this one yet marched on towards the danger with grim determination.

"Here's the girl," Eddie's voice penetrated through the curtain of chemicals that Venom had dosed me with; I was tossed none too gently on what felt like a mattress, the landing haphazard but not painful. Venom must've dulled my pain receptors, too. "Where's our money?"

I was unceremoniously groped, my face examined by a man with ice-cold hands. Whatever he found, he deemed it satisfactory. "I'm impressed," He whistled. "We've been trying to get her for months. Care to share how you achieved this?" The strange man sounded suspicious.

"WE HAVE OUR OWN TRICKS," Venom's deep voice filled out the room like thick smoke and I just knew that the man who had been groping me was twitching in discomfort. "SO?"

"Alright, alright," The man mumbled, voice unsteady. My drowsiness slowly began to recede and I finally could focus my eyes somewhat; Eddie was partially obscured by the writhing, onyx mass of his symbiote and the man was dialing up the phone, speaking in a rapid-fire dialect I did not know. "Cabre will be here in an hour. Care for a beer?" Just like that, the man was obviously attempting to placate Eddie.

"HOT CHOCOLATE," Venom announced flatly and I had to struggle to hold back my laughter at the image of a seven feet tall tentacle monster sipping hot cocoa from a tiny porcelain cup. My nerves had me feeling ten types of way, as usual, and props to Ven making me unable to speak. I would have already killed myself by running my mouth ten times over.

The hour passed by with me floating in my mindsphere, Eddie loudly playing Candy Crush on his phone and Venom consuming ridiculous amounts of hot chocolate. It was absurd and the eerie calm was beginning to make me suspicious; I had expected... More. Threatening thugs with guns, experiments, blood tests and physical violence. Instead, the man who met with Eddie was sitting with a vacant, bored expression as he practiced card tricks in the corner furthest away from Venom.

Finally, a knock on the door forced all of us to pay attention to the newcomer. It was a tall, massively built man in his early forties. His face was covered in scars, narrow red lines that looked like small cuts; one of his eyes was completely black while the other was blue. He looked like the man at the coffee shop but at the same time, nothing like him at all.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," His voice was low and quiet. If not for the heavyweight weapon hanging over his shoulder, I would have considered him to be one of those men who only look threatening but actually are gentle giants. With steps too quiet for a man his size, he approached me, crouching down to look me in the face. "Hello, child. I've been looking for you for a long time. It's a shame we had to meet this way," He removed the strands of hair sticking to my face. For all purposes, his touch could have been considered fatherly. "Richard, bring the money." With a wave of his hand, he dismissed the man who was babysitting me and Eddie and he promptly disappeared behind the steel door.

"Hello," Eddie briefly shook his hands with Cabre after the merc left me alone. I noted Venom had disappeared into the reporter's body completely. "We are Venom," Eddie introduced himself (they introduced themselves?).

"Cabre," The Merc watched my honorary uncle with a sharp eye, taking note of Eddie's lack of weapons, his worn clothes and the shaggy hair, the bags under his eyes. "Tell me, Venom, what do you know of this child?"

"Not much," Eddie shrugged, convincingly. "Just that the Avengers picked her up for some reason and locked her up in Stark's tower. We're guessing she didn't like it much 'cuz she kept sneaking out and trying to shake off the tail. Had to go through quite a few SHIELD agents to get to her," Just like we agreed, Eddie spoke with slight disdain towards Tony and SHIELD, making sure to let Cabre believe he was on the mutants' side. "We just need the money, man. Not many people will hire us," To top it up, Eddie spread his arms, showing his skin ripple and move on it's own prominently under his ratty t-shirt. Atta boy!

Cabre appeared to have bought the lie, chuffing sympathetically, before pulling out a tablet and typing on it. "Well, not for long. My superiors have found an artifact that, if unlocked properly, will render most of the technology suppressing mutant powers useless. They won't be able to get rid of us that easily anymore."

Eddie nodded eagerly, for all purposes appearing to be ecstatic about the news. "Yeah, heard some rumors here and there. Well, you and your superiors know where to find me. I could always go with some extra cash," He scratched his head, carefully watching Cabre's fingers dance on the keyboard. "What's the kid got to do with it anyway? Seems like an ordinary spoiled brat to me," Eddie threw me a look, blinking twice. The fatigue and wariness, courtesy of Venom, had begun to recede quite some time ago; with Eddie's signal, I knew the shitshow was about to start very soon.

Eddie was smart, however, finding out the bits of information SHIELD hadn't bothered to disclose to me. The residue that the cursed box had left in me was removed, so I could not understand why SHIELD was still guarding me. There had to have been another reason, a reason that neither of us knew for sure.

Cabre paused his typing. "We've been watching her for years. She's a genius. We were hoping she could help us solve a few problems..." The merc paused to rub the bridge of his nose. "We tried to get her to come willingly but her parents forbade her from it. My superiors suggested to use the artifact but something malfunctioned." For all purposes, Cabre was looking apologetic. "I am not overly fond of kidnapping children but some things just need to be done." With that, the man turned around, landing his eyes on me. "Glad to see you're up and about." Something about his smile was unnatural, forced, malicious.

"Charmed to meet you," I sat up, dazed and confused about the turn of events. The things he was saying, they didn't add up. I hadn't received any requests for my participation in ANY kind of project, illlegal or not. No scholarships, no internship offers. Something was very, very wrong.

As soon as Cabre's back was turned, Venom enveloped Eddie, turning themselves into the seven feet tall outer space monstrosity I had seen on the first day. Their combined form was terrifying - but Cabre's fingers merely twitched at the rapid change of the situation as he took slow steps towards me. "Hmm," His voice still quiet, he once again crouched in front of me. "You fought us off once but we are many. There is nowhere to run, child," Cabre's eyes began to darken, his speech turning flat.

I recognized the speech pattern, recalled the expressionless, vacant face that stared at me. Cabre was infected with the Legion from the cursed box; I hadn't prepared for that, hadn't even regarded that, thinking the little epic speech the demon had given me was a mere intimidation tactic. Fear bloomed within me, opening it's jaws like a hungry Venus flytrap but I refused to succumb to it, clenching my fists against the waves of paralyzing terror.

Venom made a confused growling noise behind me, extending a tentacle to push Cabre away; with a sickeningly wet splat, their whole form collided with the opposite wall, sliding down it like a puddle of misshapen goop. "MORSEL, GET OUT." The symbiote growled, reforming itself back.

"Silence, beast!" Cabre shrieked, unstrapping his weapon and aiming it at Venom. No bullets came out as he pressed the trigger but my ear started ringing, eyes watering as the whole form of the symbiote began to morph and ripple. Pained groans and whines came from them. A sonic gun?

"Screw you, man," I attempted to draw Cabre's attention to myself by kicking out a leg towards the gun, disrupting his arm briefly. Things were going to shit faster than a party full of teenagers and alcohol. "Fuck you, listen, FUCK YOU!" I knew antagonizing people was my best skill and that's what I did, figuring the time needed for Venom to reassemble themself could be acquired if Cabre was pissed off enough at me.

The backhand hurt, not going to lie. I saw stars from that one sloppy hit the possessed merc delivered to my face. The adrenaline rush allowed me to stay somewhat coherent and just like that time when I was trapped in my nightmares, I dove for Cabre, winding myself around him as both of us landed on the floor in a heap of limbs.

Despite my best hopes, Venom remained a puddle of black on the floor. I saw something shiny attach itself to Eddie's chest; apparently that something prevented them from combining into one again. My smaller size proved to be a great advantage; I remembered Venom's words about being a suitable short-term host and with a shriek, I placed my palm into the nearest piece of symbiote I could reach, my vision being obscured by blackness a second later.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @warrior1-19 @toomanyrobins @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

[hyperfixation-writings]

The Storms We Weather

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Word count: 1194

Tw: none

(Part One of a loosely connected series that I haven't named yet)

Notes: Let's switch off our physics brain for a second, yeah? I'm pretty sure if something like i'm about to describe would cause a nuclear reaction, similar to what a sun is doing every second. So, yeah, let's just ignore that for a while and just enjoy the image i'm trying to paint here :D

As a kid the weekends with your family in the Scottish Highlands were your favourite. Your grandparents' house was cold, but mysterious and lovely in its own way. It was your favourite place in the world.

It was located at the edge of a small village and there was nothing around but Scottish Highlands for miles and miles. Nobody else, just trees, and forests, and lakes, and hills, and animals and the sky and you. You were often allowed to play outside by yourself and you went exploring the world. Back then everything seemed possible.

Apart from your numerous adventures, your fondest memory were of the weekends with thunderstorms. There was something about the power and chaos that seemed so alluring to you, and it was magical in its own right.

For hours you sat at the windows and watched the dark clouds as they approached, swallowing up the bright blue sky, towering over the hills.

And there in the middle were the tiny houses with their smoking chimneys, desperately trying to fight against the coldness that accompanied those clouds.

But the storm would always come, and the clouds would build up higher and higher, getting darker by the second, turning the sky a threatening purple. The wind would pick up, howling through the old house and making the old wood creak. The birds would stop singing, occasionally fleeing south on particularly dark days. The rabbits would hide in their burrows in the fields, the larger animals would hide out in the forest.

Rain would patter against the windows, getting heavier and stronger as closer as the storm got. Lightning would illuminate the dark sky for the fraction of a second, throwing grotesque shadows over the town.

And then finally, the storm was there. The air was charged, and your skin was tingling in anticipation as you waited for the chaos to begin. There was the lightning, barely giving a forewarning before the thunder would drown out all sounds, vibrating through the house and your bones. The feeling was absolutely electrifying. You had long blocked out the steady pitter-patter of the rain against the windowpanes, and were instead anticipating the next strike, the next electrifying bolt charge to the earth, the next crash that would make you tremble in both fear and awe.

Those weekends were your favourite as they ignited a flame within you, made you crave for more, made you crave for the chaos and power and noise.

They made you feel alive.

***

"You once mentioned you like thunderstorms."

You looked up from your book in surprise as the hour long silence was suddenly broken. The Master was leaning against the console, a contemplative look on his face. He seemed to be waiting for a reply.

"I did?" You scrunched up your forehead in thought. "I mean, yes, I might've mentioned it sometime." You hastened to add when the frown lines of his face deepened at your non-answer.

Immediately the lines lightened again, and a gleeful expression took over. "Perfect. You're going to like the next bit then."

He whistled happily and spun around, putting in some coordinates immediately, making the time rotor move with a deep groan.

You perked up. "Where are we going?"

"Just wait and see." He threw a smirk over his shoulder at you, making you huff and close your book as you were too curious to even pretend to be reading now.

"Now, for the fun part," was all the warning you got before the TARDIS was suddenly lurching oddly to the side. You barely could hold onto your seat that was luckily screwed tightly to the floor.

"If that's your idea of fun, I can tell you that I've had my fair share of this while travelling with the Doctor!"

"That's just her bad driving!"

The Master had one hand on a keyboard, tipping in a sequence of buttons while the other hand was white from his tight grip to the console. His wide eyes showed manic glee as he stared at the monitor in front of him. "Oh, this is going to be much more interesting."

He pushed a lever and then started running – albeit a bit shakily – to the doors, throwing them open.

In a heartbeat you understood why the TARDIS was still shaking so badly – you seemed to be right in the middle of meteoric debris and sheer luck (and some lurches at the right time) prevented the TARDIS from crashing into them.

Curiosity made you walk closer to the doors, but you were still mindful enough to keep on hand attached to the railings or walls at all times.

In the distance you could see some... clouds? No wait, nebulas. Nebulas that illuminated the all encompassing darkness with bright colours.

With the rapid speed of the TARDIS these nebulas seemed to be headed right at you.

The Master was still standing in the doorway, arms out to the side, a wide grin on his face, his eyes sparkling in madness and childish glee.

You barely had time to think, so you crouched down near the doors by instinct of self-preservation, and shouted "Get down, you bastard!".

You were clenching your eyes together, braced for the inevitable impact, waited for the space particles to be catapulted into the interior of the spaceship, took a deep breath and flexed your muscles.

And then... nothing happened.

You heard the Master laughing and as you looked up, you saw lights swirling around the TARDIS' entrance, warping closer, almost touching you, then flitting away. It almost looked like they were dancing, and you were lucky enough to witness their grace.

There were also comets and little showers of sparks, large asteroids crashing together and yet no sound would carry through the emptiness of space.

You just guffawed and stood beside the Master, looking at the spectacle.

"There's nothing like travelling through a space storm!"

You looked back into his eyes. There was the usual chaos brewing in them but something tiny was also mixing into it. Just a spark, a trick of the light, and in the blink of an eye it was gone again.

You realised that another emotion was warring with the chaos, not anger or sadness, as you would've recognised them instantly. Something positive maybe, you thought, and then it returned in full force and you could finally name it.

Wonder.

Those eyes, usually so pained and dark, were now glittering in joy as the stars exploded and the meteors crashed and nebulas formed around you; a tiny space ship floating though space, experiencing the wonders of the universe.

And with the chaos illuminating his eyes, you saw him laugh. A real, genuine, proper laugh.

A laugh born out of pure happiness.

It wasn't cold, or calculating. It wasn't obscenely wide as the manic one. It was just unadulterated happiness shining on his face, smoothing the lines of the lonely years, the years of planning and frowning, the years of destruction and hatred and rage.

In his place was a carefree man with glittering in his eyes, the crow's feet showing this regeneration was made for laughing and happiness.

You had never seen him so beautiful before.

[nessamaurice]

Simple, Ch. 10 (Loki x F!Reader)

Masterlist

Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.

Story rating: M

Chapter trigger warnings: flashback/PTSD

Words: 2615

10

As you slowly limped onto the Quinn Jet Loki wrapped his soft, green cape around you. Inside you almost fainted fell asleep the moment you sat down. You woke up every now and then; when Loki picked you up, as he laid you down on a bed in the medical wing of the compound. Eventually you woke up. You blinked into the dimmed light and looked around. Your gaze stopped as you saw a small tube leading into the thick, blue veins on your hand. Immediately the heart monitor next to announced your rising heart rate. In the other corner of the room were Tony sleeping on a couch and Loki on an armchair, long legs casually stretched out. The beeping woke them up but Bruce was already by your side to stop you from tearing out the tube and calmed you down. You started to panic and wanted to rip everything off your body, hoarsely screaming "No, no, no! Not again! No, please god, no!" Bruce came running over to you.

"Y/N, please calm down. Look at me. Okay? Look at me!" He stretched out his arms, palms towards you, as a sign of being unarmed and not willing to harm you. "Everything's okay. You are safe. You are back at the compound."

You managed to focus on him and your heart rate slowly calmed down again. You blinked a few times and some tears ran down your cheek. Bruce sat down next to your knees, moving really slowly to not startle you. He explained every action he planned to do so you'd know what was going to happen.

"Fine. I need to observe your physical state okay? In this infusion bag right here are just some analgetics, uh, sorry, pain relievers, and antibiotics, all picked and mixed by myself. There are no meds that would influence your mind in any way. I made a new access and didn't use the one they had forced into you. There was no second you being alone, whether it was me, Tony or Loki who stayed by your side, at least two of us. There are just these three electrodes that watch your heart rate. That's it. I haven't done anything else while you slept. I wanted to wait until you're awake. You've slept for almost two days now. That's great! Your body and your mind got some urgently needed rest after all that. Besides the obvious terrible things, can you tell me how you feel? Is there maybe some not visible, physical injury we need to pay attention to first?"

The way he spoke to you, how he moved, his peaceful face helped you to calm down. He really knew how to not-upset someone. You swallowed hard and had to retch a bit because your throat was just so dry like a desert. Bruce handed you a glass of water and after a few small sips (the water tasted so fresh and pure, it was a bracing pleasure for your body) you cleared your throat. You looked at him and at Tony and Loki who stood a few steps away from your bed.

"Thank you. Really, thank you. I knew you would find me, though I wasn't sure. I feared I... I'd stay there forever..." Tears filled your eyes again, your voice getting weak. Tony wasn't able to restrain himself any longer and rushed to your side. He took your hand and squeezed it gently.

"Of course we found you, honeybun. I will keep you safe, we will. I will not lose you again..." He turned a bit insecure. "So... you remember?" He asked with a slightly begging expression. He wished it so hard to be true.

You shared a small smile. "Yes. The only good thing that happened in there. It was hurtful and violent, but they brought back my whole memory. It completes itself from time to time, I get new... flashes. But I finally remember my childhood. Dad, Mom,..." you almost choked on your words, "You. I looked forward to every time you'd visit us. I wanted to stay with you after my parents were murdered, but I was intubated and couldn't speak, then I was put to coma and when I woke up...", you started sobbing and covered your mouth with your free hand, unintentionally tugging on your tube, "I had forgotten everything. I forgot you."

Tony shuffled a little closer and pulled you into a gentle hug while you cried into his shirt. After some time you looked up and saw Loki standing in the same spot as before, arms crossed, brows furrowed (one slightly higher than the other).

"Loki. I saw you. You were in my cell, wearing my headphones. How?" You wiped your nose on the back of your hand and someone handed you a tissue.

"I...", he started but didn't know how to continue, looking across the floor as if he would find the words laying there.

"Silver tongue turned to lead?" Tony couldn't help to joke.

"Shh, shut up Tones, give him time to think." You batted Tony's arm and regretted it the same second because the vascular access on your hand got pushed a bit deeper into your skin.

Seeing how you hushed Tony to let him sort out his words made him smile a little. He came a bit closer.

"There is something with you. An unknown power. Somehow we were able to create a mental connection that continued over the distance. I felt... I wasn't able to help because everything we could do was to use this technology to make your bracelet work again. I wanted to listen to the music you liked and... I thought of you. Then suddenly I saw you sleeping there."

Tony took the word and continued, "The information you gave him helped us to reduce the possibilities where you were to a few buildings. We split up and where already on the way to those few buildings when JARVIS finally could locate and destroy the virus keeping your tracker from working we could come down to one building. It was only active for a short time, I turned it down immediately again, I thought a suddenly green glowing gem would cause some unwanted curiosity. It wasn't long enough to locate you exactly, but the indicated area was enough to exclude the other possibilities we already had. Your strange connection with him saved us an enormous amount of time and you some trouble I guess."

You were left speechless. Then it hit you; you remembered what they discovered about you. You forgot that for a few “peaceful” minutes.

"Um, Loki, is this... normal? Do you build such connections easily?"

"Well, usually not. If the development of some kind of relationship is not supported by something like Seidr it takes a long amount of time. I was... surprised, to say the least. This is something I want to investigate, but not now. Not until you are feeling better and strong enough for such activities."

"I think I know why it worked." You started hesitantly. "I... They... I can..." You didn't know how to tell. You took a deep breath. "I can feel other's feelings when I touch them. And I can make them feel what I feel. With the palms of my hands."

Everyone looked at you with the same blank face.

"What is wrong with me? Why can I do this? It started after they electrified my brain, I couldn't do it before. They shaved me directly after they dragged me into their awful lab and stuck electrodes here", you pointed at the shaved areas on your head, "like they knew exactly what was going on and what they wanted to achieve. This bastard that called himself a doctor said his father watched me from the beginning and he already knew about this. How is this even possible??"

"Wait, what? They watched from the beginning, what does that mean?" Tony's look turned from soft to serious.

You told them a rough outlining of what you were told and what you could recall. That you were being watched because that doctor thought you would be useful, that he sent a Soldier to collect you, how he changed his mind... You were surprised you didn't had to cry while retelling parts of your story. You weren’t able to tell them everything. Not yet. At the end you took a moment to let it sink in and turned to Tony.

"Tones, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't because of you that we were attacked. I'm sure you felt guilty for what happened, that my Mom had to die because she was your sister. But that's not true; she had to die because... because I... was her daughter." You realized the truth of those words as you said them out loud. You pressed a hand on your mouth to dull the sobbing that followed. Tony pulled you into a tight hug but quickly loosened it a bit regarding the numerous cuts on your body.

"Stop saying that bullshit, Honeybun. She had to die because some sick psycho sent a brainwashed marionette to do so, there are no other reasons. Okay? Did you hear me?" He pushed you slightly backwards to make direct eye contact. "Do you copy?"

A broken smile decorated your face because you suddenly remembered how you played space ship and mission control and nearly every third sentence was 'Do you copy?' followed by a crackling sound, imitating radio communication.

"Copy." You whispered, wiping away the tears from your cheeks. You looked into the face of the man in front of you, the last bit of your family. A face that brought up so many beautiful childhood memories. You smiled at him and laid your hand on his cheek. You let the warmth from your chest flow over to him. "Uncle Tones, I am so, so happy to have you back." You watched him mirroring your smile, tears filling up his eyes. You felt how your happiness now mixed up with his relief that you were still alive and that his sister and her husband didn't had to die because he was not cautious enough. You looked at him softly and tilted your head to the side as you said "You look tired, old man. You should get into your basket real soon." You turned to Bruce "Bruce, I want to say thank you so, so much. I wouldn't be here and so well looked after without you. But you look dead ass tired, too. You should get some sleep as well. Maybe Loki can stay with me?"

"Of course, Y/N" Loki acknowledged. 

Hesitantly Tony and Bruce agreed to get to bed and left you alone with Loki. He hadn't moved, standing at the foot of your bed, arms crossed. You patted on the free space on your bed to invite him to take a seat. After a few seconds he followed and sat down next to you. He seemed a bit stiff, not knowing how to act, so you touched his hand. "Loki, I wanted to say thank you. For everything. I am very lucky that we met. I will always be in your debt."

With those words he turned his head to you, looked you so deeply in the eyes that it sent thousands of shivers down your spine and said, "You will never be in my debt, Y/N. It is the other way round. You are very perceptive and very kind, that is a precious combination. You easily notice how your opposite feels and if they don't feel good you want to change that immediately. I was so rude to you before you... disappeared and all you wanted to do was to ease my own burden. I am so sorry."

He couldn't look into your face any longer so he stared at his hands, one covered by yours (which was a lot smaller than his), brows furrowed. Waves of regret and shame flooded your heart and you felt his deep vulnerability. You realized he was capable of such heavy emotions that it was almost unbearable and you wondered how he could still stand up straight carrying around all this guilt, despair and loss. He still couldn't look into your eyes, being reminded of just another awful mistake he made. You had to stop that right now, so you concentrated on your own feelings. Your caring, your gratitude. You watched his features closely and your happiness increased exponentially as he lost the fight to hold back a smile. But all of a sudden he pulled away his hands, stood up and turned his back to you.

"I... I am sorry, what did I do wrong? I meant you no harm, ...I ..."

"Don't." Loki interrupted.

"...Sorry?"

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault. It's just that I... I am too wary. I don't trust others easily, especially if it seems to be simple. My alarm bells ring and I can't mute them."

"Oh. I kinda know that feeling. With me it is the other way round. I don't want to trust others so fast but I always end up doing just that. I think I don't even have alarm bells. It's okay. I just wanted to let you know how I feel about you and that you can relax around me."

"I know that. I know that you don't want anyone to feel worthless or miserable and if it is in your power, you try to change that by being kind and caring. You do that because you know exactly how that feels and you don't want anybody else to feel like this."

His open and direct words hit you like an arrow. You never thought about it but it was crystal clear just as he spoke. You tried to swallow down the tears, "How... how do you come to think so?"

"Because I am a perceptive person as well. But I used it mostly to my own advantage. I admire your kindness. I did not realize it that moment, but retrospectively I can see you always had a connection to your powers. It was when we had this fight and I disappeared. You touched my face and suddenly I felt those gentle emotions. It was like... you were digging out a part of me that I consider as weak but you... appreciated it. That was too much for me in that moment. This certain part is hidden for a reason, weakness is not something to be shown where I come from. All I learned is to be strong, glorious, victorious. Everywhere, all the time. But in this short moment, you showed me something different. That this part has a right to exist. And that you could be the person I can show it to. And then my trust issues kicked in. They still do..."

It took you a moment to process his pure honesty before you could gather some words, "Wow. You truly are perceptive. And you are right, I am the person you can show it to. I always try not to judge anybody. I understand that this will take its time, but I'd totally appreciate every try. You are someone very special and I want you to see that."

Loki smirked and simply said, "I will try my best to break my habits. I started to do so already." He walked over to the light switch next to door. "But now you should get some rest. Don't worry, I will be right here." He grabbed a cushioned chair from the corner and dragged it next to your bed. He made himself comfortable and put his heels up on the furthest corner of your bed. Softly he added, "You will never be alone again.", just before you drifted away.

Taglist: @it-jinxed-us, @humbledarkness, @lunawitch19,@redryderdesigns@rvgrsbrns

​

[chocolatemin]

TIME (ONEUS FANTASY AU)

Amber's POV

Hwanwoong told me to hold onto him tightly since we will be using teleportation to go to the tree called "The Gate of Memor". It will take too much power and I might not be able to bear it. "Ready?" He wrapped his other arm to my waist and looked down to me. I took a deep breath before nodding. He smiled at me before saying, "Alright, close your eyes here we go!" I did as he told.

I feel like we're falling very fast so I hugged onto him as tight as I can while having my eyes closed. It is true that I might not be able to bear it if I won't hold onto him tightly. I am being dragged away by the strong force but he pulled me closer to him until I can hear his heartbeat, "We're getting closer to the gate, don't let go." Then, I felt a strong force pulled us down and a strong wind blew against us.

"We're here." I opened my eyes and let it wander. We're in front of a large tree with large roots. The size doesn't look normal but its appearance does. "A-amber, you can now let go of m-me." My eyes widened and realized I am still hugging him. I quickly let go and apologised, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot."

"I am deeply thankful to your help and kindness," I smiled at him and continued, "And in exchange, I left the lamp, incase you need it while travelling; the dagger so you have something to protect yourself when you are not able to use your magic; and a few cents incase you need to buy something from the Winter Realm. I know you will not accept those if I give it to you here." I scratched my neck and smiled at him awkwardly making him release a deep sigh.

"Amber, you know you don't really have to do that— I owe my life to you when you found me in the Winter Realm. I could have died there and no one will ever know." He put his hand on my shoulder, "I should be the one thankful." He returned the smile. "I've got to go now, thank you for saving my life back there. Goodbye, Amber." He removed his hand and bowed like a prince. I returned the gesture, "Thank you, Hwanwoong, and please take care. Until we meet again?" "Until we meet again." He said before smiling once more and vanishing in a blink of an eye.

"I can't wait to go back." I whispered to myself and thought of going back home. I miss my older brother, I still can't remember him except that I know I have a brother. I'll finally see him again! A bunch of white butterflies came flying towards my direction caught my sight, it is forming into a shape... of a human. I think? Suddenly, it glowed and revealed a boy. He smiled as if we know each other.

"Hello! What brings you here?" His voice is calm and soothing, his face has a nice smile especially his eyes. "Are you perhaps the guardian of the tunnel?" "Yes, I am. Do you need anything?" His smile never leaves his face, creepy but okay... "I was wondering if you could take me to the tunnel? I am Amber, by the way." I reached out my hand which he gladly took and we shook hands, "I am Seoho, nice to meet you!" He took his hand back and spoke, "I can take you there, but in one condition." "What is it?"

His smile faded, "You must give the most important thing you have right now in exchange." "M-most important thing?" He nodded with a smile. I don't have anything except the keys I used to cross the different realms. I took out the keys and showed it to him, "I-I don't have anything with me except these." "Are those important to you?" "I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be able to go here if I don't have these keys. I kept it because I thought they can be used in the future." I sighed before adding, "I thought that what if I need all of the keys to unlock the last gate?" He took the keys from my hand and smiled. "And that makes it the most important thing you have now, right? I shall take these in exchange." I chuckled nervously, "I don't have a choice, do I?"

The keys emitted a yellow light before disappearing from Seoho's hand. I squinted my eyes at Seoho who's smiling face turned into a confused one. "Wait, haven't we met before? You somewhat look familiar to me..." My eyes returned into its normal size while he's the one narrowing his eyes right now. "This is the first time I've seen you, maybe you're mistaken." "Well, if you say so. But before I forget the reason I'm here, can you now take me to the tunnel?" "My pleasure." He took my hand and smiled before a blinding light surrounded us. In a snap, we were transported outside the tunnel.

"Here we are, welcome to the Tunnel of Memories! Now, let's go inside." We started walking towards the mouth of the tunnel and I noticed he hasn't let go of my hand. "Seoho?" "Yes?" "Can you let go of my hand?" "Not yet. We haven't reached the Mirror of Life." "Oh, okay." I mentally smacked my head for ending the conversation with awkwardness. I could have replied with a different choice of words. Mygosh, Amber. What are you doing? I shook my head in disbelief.

I didn't notice we stopped walking until he called me, "Hey, Amber, we're here." I snapped back into reality and looked him. "This is the Mirror of Life, I will guide you till the end of the tunnel, be careful not to get absorbed on what you'll see on the mirrors. Okay?" "Okay." "Now, let's get going, just walk straight ahead. You can look at the mirrors but be careful. You might get sucked in it." I noticed he isn't holding my hand anymore and I started walking. At first nothing happens to the mirror so I looked straight in front. So sudden, the light in the tunnel changed from green to blue then to purple and into different colors making me a little dizzy.

"What is happening?" "Don't pay attention to the lights and keep on walking. Don't stop on your tracks." His voice raised a bit and scared me. "Yes, I will." After sometime, the lights stopped changing and that's when something started to appear from the mirrors. I saw a little girl playing with her mother, then slowly growing up as we walked further. I remembered he said a while ago, don't get too absorbed by the things I'll see in the mirror so I averted my gaze into it.

"We're now in the middle of the tunnel, don't let your guard down." Seoho spoke out of the blue causing me to flinch a little, but what he said scared me. I looked at the mirrors again and now saw a young lady walking alone at night heading to her house. She was welcomed by no one and she headed straight to her room. She plopped down, and after sometime, I think she had fallen asleep already then I averted my eyes again and looked at Seoho. "Are we near yet?" "Yes, we're at the end." We both stopped, and in front of us, there is a mirror showing a lady, who looks exactly like me walking on the street. "Why does she look like me?" He only answered after a few minutes, "It's because that girl... is you." I am shocked at his answer and wasn't able to take my eyes off the mirror. She is standing near the pedestrian crossing waiting for the signal to turn 'walk' when a man came running and pushed her away causing her to stumble to the pedestrian crossing. She looked to see who did it but when she looked to her side, a speeding car came crashing into her body.

The mirror suddenly turned black then flashed another scene. Now the girl which is me, according to Seoho, is now sleeping on the hospital bed. Everything is blurred except for the girl sleeping tight. I faced Seoho and asked, "What am I doing here? If I'm there, sleeping?" He looked at me with sad eyes, "You've been sleeping for several weeks. Come on, let's go." He held my hand and stepped out of the tunnel. We are now in front of a huge circular gate.

"In exchange of the four keys, here is the hourglass, flip it and put it in the hole on the gate." I turned my gaze to Seoho, his other hand is glowing and after the light disappeared, he is holding an hourglass that looks exactly like the one in my room, he then handed it to me.

"Thank you, Seoho." I thought of my older brother. Even if I don't remember his appearance and name as of now, I'm so excited to see him.

"Hurry, it's time for you to go back. Everyone's waiting for you." Seoho smiled then let go of my hand and took a step back. I flipped the hourglass then put it in the hole on the gate and he spoke, "See you, Amber. Goodbye."

"Goodbye and thank you, Seoho." We waved at each other and everything went white.

» T I M E «

I opened my eyes and met a white ceiling. Where am I? I sat up and saw my brother sitting on the couch with his head held down. Did I fell asleep? What happened? I can't really remember what happened a while ago. My eyes searched for a clock and it says 4:50 PM. Was I asleep for too long? Beside my bed is an ECG monitor meaning I'm on a hospital.

"You're awake! Thank goodness, I was really worried!" My brother walked up to me.

"Why am I here? What happened?" I asked.

"You were involved in a car accident this morning. I was really worried when the doctor called me and told me what had happened. How are you feeling now?"

"I think I'm okay, except my whole body hurts."

"Do you want to eat anything?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Here, water." My brother handed me the bottled water before continuing, "I'll go talk to the doctor so you can now go home, just wait here."

"Sure." My brother exited the room quietly while I am left confused. What did I dream of while sleeping? I really can't remember. Why do I feel like this already happened before? This feels deja vu to me. I tried remembering my dream, but I failed. I feel like everything is connected to it. Or maybe I just hit my head very hard? Right, that's why I'm here, heh. I probably won't remember some things.

I heard the door creak open and my brother entered with a doctor and nurse. "You may now be discharged but you should rest after. You can't go to work for a week and you must stay home."

—

"Amber, I cooked dinner, come down! Let's eat!" I heard my older brother shout from the kitchen. I stepped out of my room and carefully walked down the stairs, "I'm coming." I replied calmly and headed to the kitchen. I saw my brother preparing the plates and flashed his infamous eyesmile.

"Seoho, what did you cook for dinner?"

-END OF CHAPTER-

[A/N: and that's the end of TIME! I hope you enjoyed Amber's journey and I'm sorry for the lame ending it was kinda short but yeah, that's it. This has been berry, now signing off, until next story! (if ever) :'D]

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[peejayand33]

2/2 It's undeniable that Melissa and Katie have great chemistry, but I really wouldn't mind Lena going evil... She's hotter when she plays evil lol The only thing I'm worried about is the repetition of the theme and predictable cause "all Luthors are the same". It would have been perfect if we haven't had Lex vs Supergirl/RedKara, so how do you think they'll pull it off?

 Let me put the first part so we have a whole content of your question:

“1/2 Hi PJ! I really love your videos and most importantly that you actually watch for the story and not the ships. I'm too shy to comment on your videos so I'll use the anon form here if it's ok. I'd really like to know what you think they'll do with Lena and Kara this season and in future ones. Do you think Lena will go against her like Lex vs SM? She knows SG real identity and her weakness therefore she could kill Kara anytime!  Also, if Lex knows, why hasn't he figured out about Clark yet?”

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First, thanks for watching and the feedback, it is hard being a reactor just for the sake of reacting to the story-line when it comes to CW shows, ThunderGrace from Black Lightning is the only ship I have so far.

To your questions, it is a very complicated mix, I don’t think we will get a full vision of how Lena & Kara dynamic will play until the crossover is over. As of right now the show started off fast, and is pumping the breaks with a slow story right now. J’onn brother has a connection to The Monitor & we don’t know the reason why he brought in J’onn brother, furthermore The Monitor brought Lex back to life as well. I think once Crisis is over we will see how Kara deals the outcome of that and how the other characters deal with it as well.

I’ve been saying since Season 2 Katie would play a amazing villain given her dark way of approaching things, it comes naturally in her acting.

I don’t think there will be a Lex V. Superman theme for Kara & Lena, the difference is between Lex and Lena is Lex wanted to rule the world, but Lena wants to save it in her own way & vision. Now how does one with emotional trauma, horrible upbringing, and endless amount of power/wealth deal with that? Lex we have seen how he deals with it; it is known. But how does Lena deal with it? We have seen Lena justify the truth as many DC villains do, but Lena is more complex then that, she is always 12 steps ahead. Lena turning Eve into HOPE was a bit of a shocker because her idea is “to do no harm” but actually does harm to someone. This isn’t out of character for Lena, we have seen drips of her darkness since season 2, & this isn’t Daenerys Targaryen 2.0 this is Supergirl v. Lena Luthor. It will be interesting to see how Lena reacts to Kara in casual clothing and when she sees her as Supergirl. Lena said in 501 “ I didn’t think Supergirl would tell me her secret.” she didn’t say Kara. That has me thinking that Lena is having trouble accepting they are the same person. 

I hope this helps a little bit, I won’t have a full scope of things until we hit 510 before the 100th episode of 513.