#just have them eating them apples

[mcbride]

#the art of eating apples by Daryl and Carol TWD: DARYL DIXON 1.01 "L'ame Perdue" // 2.02 "Moulin Rouge"

[zu-is-here]

as it should be

[3/5] ★ Happy anniversary Dreamtale ★

Dream & Nightmare by jokublog

[rexscanonwife]

Also what Senshi is to other people, Sportacus is to me because for breakfast instead of doing like. 4 toaster waffles I made a turkey, spinach, and avocado omelette and it was quite good ☺️💖💖 I think he'd be proud of me!!

[longagoitwastuesday]

Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something

[ancient-day]

Heartbreaking! Goro Akechi doesn’t love or hate sweets, but a secret third thing (pleasantly neutral)

[triglycercule]

im on vacation how can i make this about the murder time trio. mtt fresh out of a flight and the minute that they leave the airport dust stops horror and killer for the smoke break. because being around a smoker is like that. and while horror is dying and coughing from the cigarette smoke and killer is pretend coughing to make dust feel terrible theyre both simultaneously roasting the shit out of dust for being such an addict smoker. cancer speedrun GO says horror. refreshing his signature smell says killer. dust just glares at them and blows smoke in their face (horror literally takes damage he's at 0.7 HP)

[throughpatchesofviolet]

I'll have these moments where I am calm, collected, and feel like I can, in fact, complete all of the tasks I've set out for myself, and then I'll get home and completely lose all that motivation.

[briar--rising]

Rosh Hashanah is next week. It's always been my favorite holiday, and every year I prepare for it and look forward to it. But this year I've been dreading it, and until this past week I couldn't figure out why.

I haven't been to synagogue much in the past year. I've gone a handful of times, but much less than any other year since graduating college. And I thought of going, my therapist tried to encourage me to go because she knows it often makes me feel better, but there was just this inner resistance that I couldn't figure out and wasn't ready to look at closely enough to decipher anyway. And then as the High Holy Days got closer and closer I started to notice that I was really dreading them, which is not how I usually feel. And so I brought it up in therapy on Tuesday, and came to some really important realizations.

I've been doing a lot of very serious grief work and trauma work this fall. My most serious trauma anniversaries are almost all in the fall, and it's a season of great grief and usually highly elevated symptoms for me. My first serious psychotic break was in the fall, four of my five hospitalizations have been in the fall, etc. Until this year I spent every autumn of the past decade pretty severely psychotic. I could not face the trauma and grief that this time of year brings up for me, I could not process those feelings and memories without losing my mind in defense so that I wouldn't have to truly experience them. I've always known this, and for a few years have tried very hard to truly experience my grief and not retreat into psychosis, but I never managed it until this year.

This autumn has been different. I've still struggled with psychosis much more than in the summer, I still have to fight it most days. But I'm winning most of those fights. And I'm grieving. I'm mourning, I'm crying, I'm sitting with my feelings for as long as I can bear and then distracting myself from them when they get too much instead of retreating into symptoms most of the time. I'm genuinely experiencing the thoughts and feelings I need to be experiencing. I'm reading about death, about grief, about loss, I'm talking about these things in therapy. It's often incredibly painful, though sometimes it is simply a peaceful kind of sorrow. I'm getting in touch with a lot of the feelings I've found so difficult to face from some of the hardest times of my life, and I'm experiencing some of them again.

And some of those feelings that I was really quite blindsided by and that I've been largely repressing for 15 years are incredibly complicated feelings about G-d. When I was 11 years old I was just like any other religious and traumatized kid: I prayed to G-d to fix it. I did that thing kids do, I tried to make bargains with Him. "Dear G-d, if I clean my room will You save my mommy? If I'm perfect, will You fix my family?" You know. Things like that.

I was desperate for anything, anyone to save me. I talk sometimes about the particular traumas of that year, about my brother's birth, about my mother's hospitalizations, about her suicide attempt. But I have no words to express the year as a whole, except to say that terrible thing after terrible thing after terrible thing happened, and throughout all of it I was neglected and left at sea. My mom was sick, my dad was trying to keep his head above water, no one was there for me. So I tried to turn to G-d. And when He wasn't there for me either, I felt incredibly abandoned and betrayed, both by Him but also because I was taking my feelings about my family neglecting me during severe trauma and putting them onto Him. It's hard for me to express the levels of hurt and rage I felt at G-d during that time period.

And then my memory cuts out. I remember approximately nothing from shortly after my twelfth birthday (in June) until November over a year later. I have a handful of memories of specific events that took place at school or at camp, but absolutely zero memories of my internal feelings or anything that ever took place at home during seventh grade. It's just. Gone. Always has been, probably always will be.

The next significant things I remember in terms of my relationship to G-d and my religion are all about Hebrew High School, which I loved (I got to start it early bc I was being bullied in normal Hebrew School), and preparing for my Bat Mitzvah, which I also loved. My memory goes from intense feelings of betrayal and abandonment and agony to instantaneously a relatively low conflict, positive relationship with G-d and Judaism (with Jewish-appropriate amounts of questioning of course and moments of anger, but no true rage and despair like I once felt). And I stayed in that space of Judaism-as-comfort-with-minimal-internal-conflict for the next 10+ years. I have no idea how that transition happened, but it certainly didn't occur because I slowly and naturally dealt with all of my complicated feelings and embraced religion after processing.

And then this year, well. I guess the processing came due. I'd like to be very very clear that being Jewish always has been and always will be incredibly important to me, and nothing about any of this changes that. I am struggling, though. I'm re-experiencing a lot of those childhood feelings of betrayal and abandonment and confusion and rage. And not being ready to face those feelings is why I've been subconsciously avoiding synagogue for the past year, and is why I've been dreading the holidays. At least now I'm aware of what's happening, so that's a step in the right direction. And in the long term this is a good and important step not only in my trauma recovery but in my relationship with Judaism and with G-d; I can't have as deep of a relationship as I want without this kind of struggle. To quote my therapist, "your relationship with Judaism is too important to you to be easy." Thankfully in Judaism struggling like this is not only allowed but expected. But it is a struggle, right now. A painful one.

I leave you all with a song I've been listening to on repeat that is helping me confront and think about a lot of these feelings:

[lordgrimwing]

Friends And Family #10

“Hmm,” Thranduil mused as he inspected the contents of the pantry. “What should we do about lunch, Legs?”

Nine-year-old Legolas bounced on a stool by the kitchen counter. Today was Saturday, which meant that after a week of school, Elladan and Elrohir could finally go to the zoo with him (actually, the twin’s mother, Celebrían, had called Thranduil last week to ask if Legolas wanted to join her children on a zoo outing, but Legolas very adamantly insisted that he was taking his friends to the zoo and not the other way around). He’d been bubbling with excitement since getting out of bed this morning.

“Peanut butter sandwich!” He exclaimed. Over the last couple of years, he’d been steadily using his voice more and more. Signs still peppered what he said, but he only really stopped speaking when he was particularly uncomfortable or frightened (as when he found himself in the same room as an upset, hissing, watermelon beetle—one of the few bugs he did not like).

Thranduil nodded, unsurprised by the lunch request. His son loved peanut butter sandwiches. Legolas would eat one for every meal if his parents let him, and Thranduil always brought a jar of creamy peanut butter and a loaf of white bread on vacations.

“And what about fruit?” He asked as he brought the sandwich ingredients to the counter so Legolas could help. “Apple or banana?”

Legolas made a face. Clearly, a singular peanut butter sandwich was all that was required in his mind.

“You gotta pick one, buddy.” Thranduil gave him a butter knife and let him think about it while scooping peanut butter out of the plastic jar and spreading it across two slices of bread.

“Apple,” Legolas decided with less fervor than a minute ago as he plopped the sandwich into the little plastic sandwich box his father opened for him.

“Apple slices coming up,” Thranduil said, taking a pink apple from the bowl on the counter and retrieving the apple slicer from a drawer. “Will you get me a bowl of water and the orange juice?”

Legolas hopped off the stool and collected the supplies to stop the apple slices from turning brown in his lunch bag. He carefully carried the stainless steel mixing bowl from the sink over to his dad, walking slowly to see if he could keep the water from sloshing around very much. He wasn’t successful, but he liked to try.

Once the slices were bathed in water with a hint of orange juice, Thranduil moved them to a baggie and handed them over to Legolas to add to his lunch sack.

The nine-year-old stuffed the sack into his red backpack, the one with the little green-clad elf from his favorite game printed across it. “Let’s go!” He said.

Thranduil chuckled and grabbed the loop on the top of the backpack before the boy could dash for the front door. “Slow down there, little warg,” he said. “Your friends are going to pick you up so you can't go until they’re here.”

“When will that be?” Legolas whined. Waiting for other people when he was all set and ready to go was a work in progress, something his teacher was sure to tell his parents about when he started school.

Thranduil glanced at his watch. “They’re supposed to be here in fifteen minutes.”

Legolas’s shoulders slumped. “Fifteen whole minutes?”

“Fifteen whole minutes, and they could be late, so maybe longer.”

Legolas let the backpack slide off his bony shoulders so it was dangling from his father’s hand. “Okay,” he sighed.

Thranduil nodded toward the door out to the back yard. “How about you go check on those spiders you found in the garden yesterday? I bet they’ll almost be here by the time you’re through with that.”

The garden wasn’t anything particularly exciting, as much weeds as intentional flowers and bushes. Thranduil started it as a way to find something to do during the endless hours when Legolas wanted to play out in the communal green space in the middle of the neighborhood, so he could keep an eye on him and give his hands something to do when he didn’t feel like reading. After a while, the garden also became another place for Legolas to play and watch insects go about their tiny lives.

Mollified, Legolas hurried off to see how his newest invertebrate friends were doing.

[chamerionwrites]

I made pecan sticky buns with a salted bourbon caramel sauce for a friend’s birthday, and the only flaw in this plan is that I now have a bunch of leftover caramel that I don’t know what to do with

[pup-pee]

friend of friends here. genuinely asking how you've never tasted apple pie because it's like. idk one of the common ones ? (I'm not even an apple pie lover- catch me with some cherry or blueberry over apple anyday if we're talking pies)

hello friend of a friend :D

OK SO LIKE

ive never actually had any pie OTHER than pumpkin pie & the reason 4 that is bc my older brother doesnt like any other pie

he has texture issues & just, ??? bc he didnt like it my parents never interacted w/apple pie or any pie outside of pumpkin since? asklfhdsjk

this happens w/all kinds of food & also just other thingssss

this is y ik nothing of starwars; bc my brother h8ed it so i just never got 2 watch any((dont ask how weird that was i just assummed it was a rule & havent made time 2 watych it idk kfjhdsfkj))

also NO1 SELLS ANY APPLE PIE HERE I DONT GET IT

im from goddamn the west of west & just WHERE IS THE APPLE PIE ALL I SEE IS PUMPKIN PIE & CHEESECAKE 4 MILES 2 COME

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

What the food pantry on campus does:

- gives me snacks and drinks to supplement my regular groceries, breakfast stuff, maybe ingredients for 1-2 actual meals

What the food pantry is really bad at doing:

- giving me food I can make into proper meals for the week

Oh you want juice? Here’s 2 little juice boxes. Nothing else; they’re limited. You want pasta sauce? 1 can; limited. You want produce? 2 produce item limit, except for the apples which are starting to spoil. You can have all of those. You want frozen chicken? One container only. Oh, they’re all stuck together and frozen? Sorry, you can’t have two; no chicken, I guess. Pasta? One box only. Rice? Two small bags, max. Breakfast bars? Yeahhhh, those are a snack, and you can only have five snacks, total. But if you put those pop tarts back, you could have some! Oh, you want donuts instead? Sure! But that’s a bakery item, and you can only have one baked good, so you’re gonna need to put that bread back. You want ziploc bags? Here, have two. Not two boxes, two bags. Item limits. Sorry. You can come back next week!

How the fuck are people supposed to actually *use* these things for weekly meal planning if there’s not enough to last a week???

I swear I am grateful for these resources I’m sure they’re doing the best they can with what they have I’m just *frustrated*. I’m trying to spend less on groceries bc I can’t really afford them. It’s nice that the food pantry gives me these small portions to last me a couple days. But that still leaves several days with not enough food unless I’m really creative or go grocery shopping, and I simply do not have the energy or time to be really creative.

[newtness532]

i need my brain to be normal, at least a little bit

[solid-gold-au]

Upset

[bonemeal12]

i wish there were more fruits to peel with a knife. Like- all the fruit I peel with a knife you can technically eat the skin off and that’s not fair. I’m so good at peeling round fruits so that their skin comes off in a long spiral. You should let me cut you some fruit. To prove that I care.

[lesbianlenas]

the way that i am always like how can i get out of going to class & now when i had to call the paramedics i’m like but i HAVE to go to class tomorrow :( like ok girl what is it? suddenly when it’s better not to ur like no i need to i see how it is