#just got hired to work on this today actually this was my application

[parroset]

Made this for @sthormiiii 's orphan queen movie! We're making this thing 😁

[gingerbreadmonsters]

sleepy and v fed up w this blasted reading for japanese history class tomorrow. give me 45 minutes to finish this article and i will be back to talk about kissing or something

[justagalwhowrites]

Undone

After a stressful week at the office, Joel knows just how to take care of his wife. AKA Joel Miller doms the stress out of you.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: No Outbreak AU. Established relationship, husband and wife. Dom!Joel x Sub!Reader (light). Tiny little age gap (like 5 years? I'm picturing Joel at 44 and reader at 39?) Unprotected P in V sex. Oral sex, F receiving. Creampie. Overstimulation. Aftercare.

Length: 5.4k

A/N: This is totally self indulgent. It's also like... entirely smut. Sorry. But not really. OK love you bye!

Joel knew what you were after the minute you kicked the door closed. 

It was Friday and it had been a hell of a week for you. Joel had done his best to support you through it - he’d finished up one big job on Tuesday and didn’t start the next one until Monday - so he’d taken the lead on keeping the household running while you put in extra hours and came home frustrated and exhausted every night. 

He knew it wasn’t going to magically be better just because it was Friday, so he’d spent the day trying to make the end to your work week as good as he could. He went to the HEB and got your favorite snacks, picked out flowers for the kitchen table, even went by the liquor store on the way home to get everything you’d need to unwind at the end of your day. He started smoking ribs early that afternoon and was outside to sauce them when he heard the door slam behind you. 

Joel didn’t need to see what happened, he knew from the sound that you’d thrown the door open and then kicked it shut behind you. He’d bet the check from his next job that you’d be face down on the couch, your shoes and briefcase a little trail from the front door to the living room. He shook his head, taking a swig of Shiner before closing the smoker and heading inside to find his wife. 

You were exactly where he thought you’d be, taking up almost the entire length of the couch, flat on your stomach, blazer still on but your heels and bags scattered between you and the front door. 

“Aw baby,” he said sympathetically. “That great a day, hm?” 

You made a sound that was caught somewhere between a grunt and a groan. 

“Want to talk about it?” 

You made the sound again and Joel tried not to laugh at it. 

“Here,” he said, coming and adjusting your legs so he could sit beside you on the couch. You groaned as he did but he guided you from lying on your stomach to sitting up to leaning on him, your face in his chest. He put his arm around you and gave you a squeeze. “Tell me what melted down.” 

“We have our quarterly earnings release going out in less than two weeks,” you sighed. “And it’s a shit show. Legal’s been reviewing that shit for what feels like an eternity and I need to issue the goddamn release announcing the date of the full release but I can’t do that until I actually know that legal and financial are going to have stuff sorted in time and the CEO has emailed me twice a day about it the whole week because sure, the legal team definitely falls under my department…” 

Joel held the still mostly full bottle of beer in front of you and you took it from him, your fingers brushing his and you were quiet for a moment as you took a sip before handing it back. 

“Also, HR is going to be the death of me,” you continued, on a tear now. “I swear, it shouldn’t be that hard to find a qualified entry level candidate but here we are, still short staffed 10 weeks after I got the OK to hire. They’ve sent me two resumes, Joel. Two. I called them today to ask how many they’d received and they’ve had 226 candidates apply and they’ve sent me fucking two! I refuse to believe that just one percent of applicants were remotely qualified so I asked them to forward me all the applications since, apparently, recruiting can’t do their damn jobs so I’m going to have to do it for them…” 

Joel nodded along, handing you the beer periodically when he felt you getting too worked up. He found himself, not for the first time, awed by what you did for a living. He didn’t understand much of it, really, and he was thankful he didn’t need to. He wasn’t cut out for that kind of shit. You, on the other hand, had jumped in with both feet when you’d started at your company seven years ago when the two of you had just started dating, You’d risen up the ranks quickly and you now had a team of several dozen people reporting up to you. As gentle and sweet as Joel knew you to be at your core, he knew you were also unflinchingly driven at work. During the COVID shut down, he’d gotten a glimpse of it, listening to you take people - mostly men who seemed to think you weren’t as capable as you clearly were - to task and get things done. He was eternally grateful that, when the two of you fought, you didn’t take him down the way you did people who crossed you in the office. Though that stood in sharp contrast to how Joel heard you talk to the people who reported up to you, with you seemingly always happy to lend an ear or provide guidance or take the heat if they fucked something up that was going outside your department. 

Unfortunately, that meant you had weeks like this one, where plenty went wrong and you had no one to pass the buck to. And he knew as well as you did that you wouldn’t just let something fall apart, not if there was a damn thing you could do about it. Even if that meant working yourself into the ground. 

After a while you just deflated against him and he handed you the beer again. You took a long drink, emptying the bottle, and Joel took it from you to set on the side table. 

“Feelin’ better?” He asked, his nose brushing your hair. 

“Kind of,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. 

“Somethin’ more I can do?” He asked, trying to make sure that he wasn’t nudging you in the direction he was hoping this would go. 

“Yeah,” you said, something shifting in your tone when you said it. No longer frustrated and fed up, instead needy and wanting. You sat up from him and looked at him through your eyelashes, practically pouting. “Turn my brain off for a bit?” 

Joel’s heart picked up, heat and tension already gathering low in him. 

“Aw, my baby need me to fuck her stupid?” He asked, reaching out to cup your face in his hand. His thumb traced along the arch of your cheekbone as his eyes locked on your blown pupils. “You need me to make that big brain of yours slow down for a while, that it?” 

“Yes please,” you breathed. He could feel your skin getting warmer below his touch. 

“Please what?” 

“Please sir,” you said, holding your hands up with your wrists together, like an offering. “Please fuck me stupid. Please sir.” 

He quirked his jaw before he smiled, dark and low.

“Good girl,” he growled. He got up and closed his large hands around your wrists before pulling you sharply to your feet, looking you up and down as he did. There was something that drove him wild, seeing you like this. Dressed in your armor of the business world, a place where lesser men had to go to you for permission to do a goddamn thing, and you came home to him, begging him to strip you down to something small and vulnerable and easily consumed. 

He wasn’t sure why you’d picked him of all people. When you’d met almost eight years earlier, his first thought was that you were way out of his fucking league. A friend of Tommy’s then girlfriend now wife, you were a few years younger than him but had clearly kept your life on the right fucking track the whole time instead of driving it into the ground for a while first. You’d gone to college, built a damn impressive career, had goals and dreams and plans for yourself. You were beautiful and smart and funny and kind and the first time he’d taken your clothes off he was still not entirely sure why you were letting him do it. 

He’d been even more surprised the first time you’d shared with him that you wanted him to take control in the way he was now. 

“I just have to make decisions all the time,” you’d said, folded into a corner of his couch with a glass of wine in your hands. “I just really want to have someone else take over for a while, you know? Not have to make any plans or take care of anybody else, just enjoy and be enjoyed.” 

That, Joel had thought, he could give you. 

It wasn’t something the two of you always indulged in but there were days like this one where you seemed to crave it. Maybe even a step beyond that - you needed it. You needed the safety of Joel’s guidance, the comfort of his control, the ease of his pleasure. He liked to give you those things. More than liked it, sometimes he lived for it. 

Today was one of those days. 

He led you to the bedroom and stood you at the foot of the bed, your wrists still firmly in his hands as his eyes searched yours. 

“You just want to be my little doll, is that it?” He asked, his thumbs brushing the inside of your wrists. Your pulse was heavy and hard. “Want me to take control so all you have to do is feel what I let you feel?” 

“Yes,” you breathed. 

“Yes what.” 

“Yes sir,” you were practically squirming. 

“What are your colors,” he said more than asked. 

“Green, yellow, red,” you answered quickly. 

“Where are you now?” 

“Green.” 

“Good girl,” he guided your hands so they hung at your sides. “Don’t move until I tell you.” 

He watched you resist the urge to nod and he slipped his hands below the lapels of your jacket, running his hands over your skin for a moment before shoving the sleeves down your arms and leaving the blazer in a pile on the floor. He watched you swallow, your throat working and he tried not to think about making you kneel and taking his cock into that pretty throat of yours. He knew just how good it would feel while you sucked him, how fucking good it would feel to come down your throat. 

Maybe later. Right now, he needed to take care of you. And that’s exactly what he was going to do. 

*** 

When Joel touched you like this, it was like something unspooled inside yourself. There had been a knot in your stomach for days at least - maybe longer - and nothing had worked to untangle it. Not crossing things off your to do list at the office, not the yoga class you’d skipped lunch to take, not the iced latte your assistant had ducked out to grab you that afternoon. But Joel’s hands on your skin as they slipped the slender straps of your satin top down your arms were better than anything else, especially when your mind wasn’t going a mile a minute thinking of ways to please him in return. You watched as he moved to undress you, his eyes heavy and hot and hungry as your top pooled around your hips. He reached around your body to unhook your bra, casting it aside before cupping your breasts in his large palms, groaning as he did. 

“You feel so good,” his thumbs brushed your nipples. “My soft, pretty fuckin’ girl.” 

“Joel,” you whimpered, clenching your hands into fists to keep from reaching out to touch him. He’d told you to stay still and you had to obey. If you didn’t, you knew he’d drag out your first orgasm for what felt like an eternity, bringing you just to the edge of it but never letting you fall into your climax until you were a desperate, dripping, squirming mess. 

“What, baby?” He almost cooed at you, just a hint of a teasing edge to his tone. “What’s my baby need?” 

“More,” you whined. “I need more, please, I need…” 

He took his hands off you then and looked you in the eye and you almost reached for him before you caught yourself. 

“Who decides what you need right now,” he said. You moaned and he ignored you. “Who. Tell me, pretty girl.” 

“You,” you said. 

“That’s right,” he nodded. “And I’ll give you more when I decide you need more and I decide I’m done enjoyin’ the parts of you I’m enjoyin’ right now. So. You stand still like a good little doll and we’ll see when I’ll let you have more. Got it?” 

“Yes,” you said. 

He took your chin in his fingers, forcing you to look him in the eye. 

“Yes what.” 

“Yes sir.” 

His crooked smile dimpled his cheek. 

“Good girl.” 

He returned to touching you, running his large and callused hands over your shoulders to your chest, holding and massaging your breasts and you could tell he was taking his time less for himself and more because he knew what it was doing to you. That it was making you achy and desperate and the thoughts that had been weighing on you all day at the office were slipping out of your mind, drifting far away into the ether. 

“Think I remember you sayin’ something about more?” Joel said, his voice low and gravelly as his hand slipped over your stomach, below the bunched fabric of your shirt, below the waistband of your pants until his fingertips were brushing your bare mound inside your panties. You whimpered. “How about I give you some more, hm?” 

His index finger reached out and brushed the top of your clit, sending a shiver through you, all the heat you had inside yourself pooling low in your stomach. 

Joel chuckled. 

“Think she likes it.” 

He pressed a little lower, a little firmer, working your sensitive nub in slow, languid circles. 

“She like this too?” 

You nodded frantically. 

“Thought I told you not to move,” Joel said, stern. 

“But…” 

“No buts,” he cut you off. “You wanted to give me control so you give me control. Otherwise, you won’t get what you want. Got it?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“You’re lucky,” he said as he went to open your pants. “Got me all worked up, too. Too worked up to draw this out the way you deserve, squirmin’ the way you are.” 

He got on his knees in front of you and gathered the fabric of your shirt, pants and underwear in his hands and pulled them all down in one go, the sudden exposure of your skin to the air making you gasp and goosebumps scatter over you in sharp little pin pricks. 

“Fuck, there you are,” he groaned, his hands coming to grip the thick swell of your ass, his fingers digging into the meat of you as he pressed a kiss to your stomach just below your belly button. You moaned, wanting nothing more than to tangle your fingers in his curls. You clenched your fists tighter, nails digging into your palms, acutely aware of where he was touching you because of the absence of him everywhere else. 

He trailed his mouth down to your slit, his tongue dipping into you there, brushing against your clit, the heat of his mouth in sharp contrast to the cold air against your wetness. His hands slipped up your back, finding your waist before Joel stood, his still clothed body so close to your naked one. 

“Lie down for me,” he said, a little breathless. “Middle of the bed.” 

You rushed to obey and watched hungrily as Joel undressed himself, his black t-shirt coming up and over his head, his jeans opening to reveal his tight boxer briefs with his thick, hard cock straining the fabric. He took off everything before crawling up the bed over you and, for half a moment, you thought he really was going to give into you that quickly, give you exactly what you wanted that fast. But instead of settling between your thighs with his heavy length brushing against your slit and his mouth on yours, he fell to the side of you, the weight of him jostling the mattress. You turned your head to look at him, confused, and he laughed, dark and low. 

“You didn’t think you were gonna make me give in that fast, did you?” He asked. He slid one arm below your ribs, his hand coming up and around the back of you to hold your breast while his other hand teased a feather light path down from your throat, over your chest, your stomach to your slit. “No, not done with this yet.” 

“But…” 

“You just lie still and let me worship you,” he said, his palm cupping your mound, his middle finger settling between your lower lips as he put gentle pressure against your clit. The tip of his finger circled your dripping entrance but didn’t slip inside where you were aching and desperate for him. “Want to enjoy you for a while.” 

He didn’t give you a chance to protest, his mouth finding just the right spot on your throat at the same moment he added pressure to your clit, grinding his hand against your most tender place and making your back arch below his touch. 

Joel kissed and licked and sucked along your neck, your collarbone, your breast, his cock brushing against your thigh as he manipulated your body and you could feel his precome on your skin when it did and you were desperate to touch him there, to feel just how hard you’d made him, make him start to unravel the way he was doing to you. 

“Don’t even think about it,” he said, a finger sliding inside of you, making you groan. 

“But I want…” 

He pulled back from you to look in your eyes and you could tell from the glassy look on his face that you probably already looked like a fucked out mess. 

“You tryin’ to make me feel good or you want it for yourself?” He asked, brows raised. You tried to find the words but couldn’t. He nodded. “S’what I thought, you sit still like I fuckin’ told you. You try to touch me and I won’t let you come, got it? This is about you, not me so you’re gonna lay there and take it, understand?” 

“Yes sir,” you whimpered. 

He went back to working you over, adjusting so that he could fully kiss down your body until his head was between your thighs, two fingers buried inside of you as he looked up your body to your face. 

“New rules,” he said, pressing his lips to your clit for a moment and sucking it into his mouth before continuing. “Want you to come and I want you to come hard. You’re allowed to touch my head to put me where you need but you do anything else with those hands and we’re startin’ over. Understood?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Good girl.” 

He practically dove into your pussy, his thumb working your clit, his tongue licking deep into your channel. The fire in your belly burned brighter and it was like you could feel all the blood in your body pulling into the center of you. Your hands flew to his head, the thick of his hair and the heat of his scalp almost sharp against your fingers after having felt nothing but your own palms for what felt like forever. You rocked your hips against his face as he ate at you, a finger slipping into you alongside his tongue, working the inside of you deftly so that you were never empty but never lacking the friction of him moving in you. His fingertip curled into the soft, sensitive place inside of you that he found so easily now, adding the perfect amount of pressure as his thumb and nose worked your clit and you felt your pussy get so tight and hot you worried, for half a second, that it would hurt him before every worry flew out of your head entirely, your entire body flooded with waves of pleasure as you came on his tongue. 

Joel worked you through your orgasm, never letting up as you moaned and panted, your grip on his hair easing as your body started to go limp. Your pussy was so sensitive when your climax eased but Joel didn’t pay your little whimpers any mind. He pulled his mouth from you but added another finger, fucking into you with his hand and adjusting so his palm was grinding against your clit as he did. 

“There you go,” he panted, wiping your slick from his mouth before taking his cock in his hand and working himself with it. “That what you needed, pretty girl?” 

“Yes sir,” you whimpered. 

“Good,” he said, his eyes ranging over you, dark and hot. “Because now it’s my turn.” 

He pulled his fingers from you and spread your thighs a little wider, lining his cock up with your still weakly grasping hole for half a moment before thrusting deep into you in one devastating go. You gasped at the stretch of him filling you like that, the inside of you still soft and tender from your orgasm. Your fingers scrambled at the blanket below you, your back arched and taut and you tried to hold onto something - anything - in your head beside how he was splitting you open. 

“I say you could use your hands like that?” He asked, his fingers finding your wrists and clamping around them. He pressed deep inside you and folded over you, bringing your hands with him, pressing your wrists down into the mattress over your head. “Didn’t think so. You’re my little doll right now, ain’t you? Mine to do what I want with and I want you to take it.” 

“Joel,” you whimpered. 

“That ain’t my name right now, is it?” 

“Sir,” you corrected, resisting the urge to rock your hips up against him. “Please!” 

“Please what?” 

You couldn’t put words to what you wanted to ask for and Joel just smirked before releasing your wrists and sitting up, looking down over your body to where he disappeared inside of it. 

“What I thought,” he said, his hands pressing your thighs wide before his thumb trailed over where you were split open on him to your clit, teasing you in a slow circle that made you jerk involuntarily below him. He took it away, his hand on the soft flesh of your thigh again. “You leave those hands there and take it. You can take it, pretty girl. Know you can.” 

With that, he pulled back, slow and aching, before fucking back into you, hard and fast with a forceful grunt. You watched him fuck you, his cock slamming into you with enough force that it jerked your body up and down the bed. You were lost in it, the way you could see his muscles flex, the way his eyes ranged over you - watching the place he was spreading you open and the way your tits bounced for him and up to your face to meet your eyes and back again. It was almost hypnotic, like there was nothing else in the world that existed outside of him. He was controlling you totally, fucking into you with enough force that you couldn’t even breathe out of sync with his thrusts, your body just something he could manipulate and pleasure and use however he saw fit. 

You weren’t sure how long he fucked you like that before his hands ran over your thighs to your core, his thumbs brushing along your clit, pressing into you there and working you in hard little circles as your channel started to tighten around him again. 

“There we go,” he panted. “Got another one right there don’t you? You’re gonna give it to me, aren’t you pretty girl. Gonna give me everything, ain’t you?”

“Yes sir,” you whined, your fingernails digging into your palms as you fought to keep your hands still. 

“Good girl,” he pressed himself deep as he worked your clit and returned to his same punishing rhythm, the head of him finding the place inside you he’d claimed for himself. He left one thumb on your clit, his other hand stretching up and over your stomach, fingers splaying wide on you until it was in the middle of your chest where you knew he could feel how your heart was pounding behind your ribs. The feel of him everywhere was overwhelming, the tight spool of pleasure that had never fully relaxed after your first orgasm already wound unbearably tight again. 

“Want you to come for me,” he said, voice needy. “Want you to be a good girl and come. Give it all to me, baby, want you to just let go and give it all to me, let it all go, c’mon and come for me, make me fuckin’ feel it…” 

You cried out as you obeyed, your channel fluttering over his cock as he kept fucking you deep and hard. You could feel your orgasm in the very center of you, in every muscle and every nerve, your climax taking hold of you so firmly that you felt a gush of liquid rush out of you. 

“Fuck, there you go,” he said, not letting up. “Fuck baby, love when you squirt for me, such a good fuckin’ girl…” 

The wet snap of his hips into you was obscene and, as your orgasm eased, your body was already drawing tight again. Your heart raced and you could feel everything, everything, so sharp and harsh and overwhelming. Your head swam, your skin prickled. 

“Love feeling you come for me,” Joel was still fucking into you, hard and bruising like he was trying to climb inside your skin and claim a place for himself there. “Love when you get all tight and desperate, love making you all needy…” 

You let out a fucked out little whimper, tears pricking at your eyes, not able to see straight through the haze of your already building orgasm. Joel leaned over you, his cock buried deep but going still. 

“You with me, pretty girl?” He asked, his hands sliding up your arms to find your wrists, holding you gently in place. You couldn’t seem to find the words to answer, too overstimulated to think of anything beyond how he was filling you and surrounding you. “Gimme a color, baby.” 

“Yellow,” you managed. 

 He took your limp wrists in his large palms and guided your hands to his skin, resting them on his broad shoulders. 

“That help?” He asked. “You can nod.” 

You nodded quickly, your breathing evening out, body still tight and strung out. 

“Color?” 

“Green,” you said, the tears that were in your eyes slipping down your cheeks but not being replaced by new ones. 

“Good,” he shifted inside you, pulling back a little before thrusting in again. “Because I ain’t done with you yet. You keep those hands right where I put ‘em and just focus on coming one more time for me, need you to milk me dry, baby.” 

But his pace eased, less frantic and more desperate, working you slow and firm from within. He buried his face into your neck, his mouth finding that place that sent shocks of pleasure through your whole body. His hands ranged over you, fingers hungry and grasping at your skin, his hips working against your clit as his cock found its home deep within you. 

“Know you’re close,” he said against your skin, lips still close enough to brush against you as he spoke. He kissed along your neck, nose teasing along your throat. “You got one more in you, baby, I know you do.” 

“Sir,” you whimpered, pleading, not sure if you wanted to come or wanted to just dissolve. 

“You can come,” he fucked you slow and deep. His public bone pressed against your clit and your back arched. “Want you to come, want to feel you come. Make me feel you, baby. Be a good girl and make me feel you.” 

You dared to let yourself move, just enough that you could rock your hips up against him, working yourself with his body as you felt him grow impossibly thicker and harder inside you. Or, maybe, you were just tightening further around him, body clinging to him in one last desperate push for closeness as your climax hit again. You cried out with it and you couldn’t just leave your hands on Joel’s shoulders, instead latching onto his hair and sliding down his back, pulling him flush against your body so the only thing left in the world was him and his skin and the thick of his cock as he started to pulse inside of you. 

Your orgasm almost hurt it was so intense. You could feel every inch of Joel’s cock in you, the heat and softness of his skin against you, every muscle in your body going rigid and tense for a moment before relaxing. Your vision went spotty and you got light headed and you lost track of time. 

The next thing you knew, you were in Joel’s arms, cradled against his chest, his fingers trailing a gentle path along the edge of your hairline and jaw, thumb brushing the plush of your lips. 

“There you are,” he said softly and pressed a kiss to your forehead, his large hand coming to rest against your cheek as you turned your head to look at him. His eyes were soft and warm and there was a gentle smile on his face. “How are you feelin’ love?” 

You took stock of your body for a moment, everything feeling light and airy. 

“I’m good,” you smiled a little. 

“Yeah?” He said, his thumb brushing your cheek. “Take a deep breath for me, OK?” 

You nodded a little and did as you were told, only realizing then just how little your lungs had been inflating before. 

“How’s that feelin’?” He asked. “Good?” 

You just nodded, still smiling. 

“How about this for the night,” he said, going back to tracing an easy trail over your skin with his fingertips. “In a few minutes, I get up and get you water and a cocktail while you put on that pretty little swimsuit of yours. You float in the water while I look at ya and finish those ribs in the smoker…” 

“You’re making me ribs?” You almost pouted, your brows going up. 

Joel chuckled. 

“Yeah, that OK?” 

“That’s my favorite,” you said, feeling like you might be about to cry. 

“I know it is, baby,” he said, kissing your temple again. “S’why I made ‘em. Got that potato salad you like, green beans, cornbread too. Even got that chocolate cake you like so much…” 

“The Oreo one?” You sniffed, tearing up. 

“The Oreo one,” he brushed your hair back. “You still with me there baby?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, crying a little. You weren’t entirely sure why, just every emotion you’d had over the past week seeming to bubble up at once. “I think so…” 

“You’re OK,” Joel said, pulling you closer, his lips gentle on your skin. “I’ve got you.” 

You just nodded against him and focused on how his skin felt on yours, his warmth and strength grounding while your mind was still swimming. 

“What about after dinner?” You sniffed. 

“We can watch one of those movies you like so much,” he said. “I know the ones that’ve been on your list, you don’t gotta pick unless you want to. Sound good?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “But… can we just stay here for a little while first? Please?” 

“Course baby,” he said. “Whatever you need. I’ll take care of you.” 

You nuzzled into his skin and breathed deep and you didn’t really know why you’d been so stressed when you got home to begin with. You just knew that you had Joel and that, as long as he was there, everything else would be OK.

[pearlywritings]

Intimacy shared in the wild

synopsis: you and your lover have a steamy moment outside PART 3

pairing: Alhaitham, Kazuha, Tighnari, Thoma (separately) x fem!reader

tw: established relationship, VERY much suggestive, Kazuha is 23-25, breeding kink, oral

word count: 4.4k+ words in total

author’s note: you can check part 2 here and there is going to be part 4!

Alhaitham

Having a pair of piercing eyes make a hole in the back of your head occasionally is exactly what you expected from your little expedition to Mawtiyima Forest. To a passerby on the road between the Sumeru City and the Palace of Alcazarzaray that would look like two scholars are simply on their way, but Alhaitham is watching you like a hawk. That was anticipated, but the lack of the conversation you’ve had ever since leaving through one of the multiple Akademiya exits creates quite an oppressive atmosphere.

Even you have to admit it’s hard to digest.

“Hey,” calling out to him, you slightly turn your head to see if he is listening or not. With a quick movement of his eyes from observing the surroundings back to your figure you are assured that he does. “You know you do not have to go with me there? I just need to take a couple of pictures of the Leylines to illustrate my research of the Forest grounds, I would’ve been back before dinner.”

The man looks you directly in the eyes, and, have you not dated him longer and known even longer, it could’ve sent chills down your spine and urge you to quickly divert your gaze somewhere else. But you know your boyfriend - to prove something to him you need a strong argument, which sometimes feels like you are defending an academic paper.

Eventually Alhaitham sighs and you brace yourself for an argument of his own, one you are aware of too well.

“It’s been just a couple of weeks since your group was attacked during your research outing and you got injured.”

Yes, that is true, but you got injured only because you were protecting others. It just happened that at that time you were the only weapon wielder in your small team, and the closeness of the area of your expedition convinced you and your colleagues from the Spantamad Darshan that hiring the support group is unnecessary.

If it wasn’t for your injury, which is fine (Akademiya doesn’t have healers for nothing), the Scribe wouldn’t even know you went somewhere and then returned. You saw his working table, you know how much work is on his hands at the moment. But that unfortunate encounter made a stoic man lose his cool a little and go as far as order your Darshan’s secretary, to whom every student must hand the application for any kind of research outside of the Akademiya building, especially in the wild, inform him immediately should you hand in one.

So much for a low-profile relationship.

“Alhaitham,” you stop in your tracks and turn around to come face to face with him. Your lover looks at you inquiringly, stopping only when there is just a few inches between your chests. Next second the teal eyes slightly widen, revealing his diamond-shaped irises fully, and hands dart to wrap around yours, cutting off your attempt to undo the next fastener of your uniform.

“What do you think you are doing?” The feigned calmness in his voice contrasts with the worry in his eyes. You roll yours, sighing in exasperation.

“What does it look like? Trying to open the front of my uniform to show that there is no longer any ready to reopen gash under my collarbones.”

His eye twitches, and for a reason his rising irritation fuels your never-ending desire to mess with him, because actually getting a real reaction out of him is priceless. Especially today.

“And what did you think of, Sir? Oh, I might know,” an alluring grin earns you a huff. “You thought I was going to give you a look at my chest, didn't you?”

“What? This is ridicu-”

“Come on, no need to be modest, my love,” taking advantage of his distracted state, you escape his grip and quickly make work of two more fasteners. “You love my breasts, don’t try and argue, this is an axiom.”

You honestly assume he looks insulted for a moment, after your words leave your mouth and register in his brain. However, this man is much more intelligent and self-assured to actually take an insult and act offended about it. No, he tends to backfire.

“Simply because you turn into a moaning mess when I play with them,” it is your turn to gawk at him wide-eyed, fingers frozen in place on the fourth clasp. And fuck do your knees buckle when he smirks, tasting the control on his tongue again. The control over you with mere words. “Whining and squirming and rubbing your thighs together, when I toy with your nipples. What’s with the face, dear? Am I wrong here? Don’t you beg me to suck just a bit more, while you desperately hump my leg, clawing at my shoulders or tugging on my hair? I know what kind of person you are behind the closed doors of our bedroom, Y/n, I made sure to memorize it.”

“Pff, only bedroom? How bad of a scholar you are, Alhaitham, so unwilling to broaden your horizon,” you move the fabric away, showing him more of the smooth skin and the swell of your breasts. The man feels something else starting to swell in his pants because of your tempting teasing. But he is not ready to give up just yet.

“Oh? Are you implying that I should fuck you right here?”

You shrug your shoulders.

“I am implying that you do not have enthusiasm to do so. How sad, looks like those piles upon piles of papers stripped you bare of your desires. Must be hard doing all this work all the time.”

Something is off about the way you are speaking of his duty. This mischievous glint in your eyes and the smile playing on your lips, like you are taunting him of something he hasn’t figured out yet, of some scheme you came up with and trapped him into… 

Wait.

“You don’t need to take the pictures, do you?”

You throw your head back and heartily laugh.

“Nope.”

“And you sent in the application, because you knew I’d follow you.”

“Yep.”

“Because you know that simple words won’t get me out of the office and pay attention to you.”

“Wow, you are so smart,” you applaud him with the most ‘I’m impressed’ look on your face you could master.

He is going to wipe it off.

His sturdy body practically pushes you against the nearby solid surface, mouth silencing yours and hand sneaking into the opening of your uniform, cupping one of the mounds. A moan follows instantly and Alhaitham greedily swallows it, molding your lips with his, hand gently lifting the soft flesh and a thumb running over the swollen bud applying pressure.

“You won’t be so sarcastic once I have you on my cock, and I bet you are tight,” you mewl, when he pinches the nip between his thumb and forefinger and tugs.

“But that's part of "broadening our horizons", right? Now, let’s get your robe out of the way…”

Kazuha

The Chinju Forest basks in the dusk and the beautiful silence. When you and the man beside you were kids, you both were nervous and scared to roam around the area, where the yokais were believed to live. But it always was the most enigmatic and attractive place to you two, and every time the Kaedahara heir came to visit, you ran to the forest to test your courage.

Years later the place doesn't frighten you, quite the opposite - it brings you comfort. It awakens the memory and the flowers glowing all around you make the pictures in your head even clearer.

Of Promises Unkept the Night Flowers Speak… What a poetic name, but such a rueful meaning. You and Kazuha shared so many promises among the fields of fluorescent petals, childish and innocent, but that weighed heavily on your heart when he wasn't there.

I will return again…

You are so glad he did. Many times and yet again.

Of course I will remember you!

And your heart did. Always.

We will never be apart for long or forever…

This vow almost became broken, when your first love fled Inazuma and disappeared into nowhere, a place you didn't know, a place where you couldn't reach him. 

One day we’ll be together till the end of our lives…

Not fair! I wanted to say that!

A promise you try not to think about, as you don't want to demand anything from the wandering samurai. He's just been justified and returned to Inazuma to tend to some important matters, concerning his family and legacy. You doubted he'd stay forever.

"You are so quiet," the voice, akin to the whisper of the wind, makes you shiver as if caressed by a passing breeze. "It doesn't sound like you at all."

"How can it sound anything, if I am silent?" You attempt to joke and indeed hear breathless laughter. You don't have the power to tear your gaze from the quickly darkening sky and glance to the side, where you know the person of your many dreams and nightmares is lying on his back, with one knee bent and arms crossed behind his head.

"You know what I mean, sweet sakura bloom," the term of endearment, one from the past, makes you swoon. 

"Just thinking," you shrug your shoulders, hands clasped together and resting on your stomach. "About the past."

"The past…" It echoes and quickly disappears in the rustle of grass. The conversation seems to come to a halt, and the word hangs in the cool of the air, like an echo that forgot to run far far away, beyond the line of your sight and the limits your hearing can meet. However, Kazuha proves you wrong, as you sense him moving a little.

“Can I have your hand?”

“What?” Your head whips to the side and your breath hitches, when your eyes make contact with his. The young man is gazing at you, like you are holding stars in your palms, and each one of them has his name written on it. He’s changed his position, now resting on his side, supporting his upper body with an elbow.

“Your hand. Can you give it to me?”

“Um…sure?” Having zero idea of what to expect, you raise the hand, which is closer to him, and reach out. Delicately looking, but roughened by wielding a sword, fingers wrap just beneath your wrist and tug.

Heart skips a beat and then starts violently abusing your ribs, as his lips gingerly press against the inside of the wrist. Eyelids slide close, and Kazuha hums, slowly sliding his fingers higher, until his palm enveloped the back of yours and brought it to his cheek, leaning in your hand.

“Kazu, what are you doing?” The whisper leaves your lips, and you think you lost your voice, eyes stinging and heart aching. You shouldn’t look too deep into it, right?

“I don’t know, Y/n… But it feels so right… Being with you feels so right…” His eyes are back on yours, and you feel like you could kiss him right now, right here, among the glowing flowers, under the cover of the night.

“Do you think we have a chance?”

Do you? This question has been having your mind wrecked for all those years he wasn’t there, couldn’t be there. And every time you came to the only possible answer.

“Yes. I think we do.”

Maybe it is the moon shining in his eyes, or maybe it’s happiness, but the wandering samurai smiles, and the smile outshines the flowers.

“Is that a promise?”

“It is an oath,” you cup his check and trace your thumb under his eye. 

“An oath…” he dreamily sighs, and closes his eyes again. You cannot miss the opportunity.

The kiss tastes like the first one you ever shared - the scenery is authentic, the stars, the moon that bask you in their light, are the same. Maybe you two have changed, but the union of your lips is just as innocent as years ago.

You gasp and heartily chuckle, when he rolls you in your previous position on your back and hovers over you. Long locks of his white hair fall down and tickle your cheeks, but you do not mind, raising your arms and wrapping around his shoulders. One arm keeps him above you, and the other hand settles on your hip - gently, yet so intimately.

“If it is an oath, I want to solidify it. To prove I will come back. Will you let me?” Seriousness overtakes his features, as the fingers on your body move to the hem of your yukata. You get nervous.

“Kazuha, that’s-”

“I am not going to penetrate you, my bloom,” soothingness is back again. “There are more ways of engraving myself in your body and giving you pleasure a woman like you deserves. May I show you?”

You chew on your bottom lip. Though still nervous, you know that Kazuha will never do something to hurt or disrespect you. And after all these years, you still trust him.

“Yes… You may.”

Your body writhes and spasms, nudging the sides of your open yukata further off your body. The cool air toys with your heated skin, but you could care less, when your man, your lover, is showing you ecstasy you never knew one could experience. Sure, you touched yourself and slid your fingers between your sleaked folds, learning of pleasure with burning cheeks, but his mouth is nothing in comparison to it. He kisses, he licks, he sucks, he worships you, and pours his love into your body, for it to stay with you, until he comes back.

"One day we'll be together…"

Well, 'one day' is not 'never'.

Tighnari

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

The sound of heart is in your ears and your head pulses with each beat, as lungs are desperately trying to provide you with oxygen. Your legs are starting to wear out, and your stamina is running out, as you are fleeing farther and farther into the woods, though making sure to follow the general direction of close to where you should end up.

It’s a good thing you know Sumeru’s wilderness better than the back of your hand. The bad thing is that Tighnari knows it even better.

For the current occasion it’s also a bad thing that his tracking and hunting skills are insane, and the keen sense of smell and hearing he possesses as a fennec fox hybrid doesn’t help at all.

Which is actually the whole reason behind you sprinting around the Avidya Forest - your lover’s hybrid tendencies, that includes many instincts, as well as him experiencing rut. Now, it’s not all that bad, he has it once a year and is always prepared with other forest rangers ready to take over in his stead for a week, while he is away, holed up in his special cave, and dealing with what he calls an “inconvenient, but luckily short occasion”.

Only this year it is different, because you, his lover of a couple of years, expressed your willingness to help him out, since he mentioned in passing, how having a partner commonly shortens the extension of ruts.

You remember it clear as day, how his ears perked up and tail stilled completely, as his eyes, usually exuding calmness and confidence, stared at you dumbfoundedly. And that’s quite understandable why - sure, even if he wouldn’t say it outloud unless explicitly asked, the man already considers you his mate, someone he’d be delighted to spend the rest of his life with. Offering him your assistance during such an important and vulnerable moment is almost like asking him to marry you and start a family together. Which is exactly what his animal side would want, as he told you, after sitting you down to explain what you were proposing to him. 

Your cheeks flush, when you remember his precise words.

"Y/n, listen attentively and take in everything I am going to say. While in a rut I won't be in the right state of mind. Everything about you will drive me crazy - you touch, your smell, your taste… The only thought planted in my head would be to breed you, to make you a mother. You sure you are ready to try and handle me?"

And you sure are, with the full knowledge of what to expect and all those birth control medicines you've drunk and stored even more in a cave just in case, to prevent any unwanted outcomes. This way you know you can let him go wild and do whatever he needs for his own inner comfort.

A twig snaps nearby and you are reminded of your game of escape - something to whet and fuel Tighnari’s desire, teasing him by depriving him of your body - the only thing he needs right now.

Thump, thump, thump

Thump, thump, thump

Your heart is beating even faster and legs ache, hardly having any strength left to go on. You think that maybe it is enough - after all, you still need energy for what is to come - so you turn to the left and slow down a little, heading towards your haven.

”Found you, little minx.”

You gulp and almost cry in surprise when a low snarl is uttered near your ear. Spooked, you attempt to dart in the opposite direction, but two strong, trained with bow arms circle around your middle and yank you backwards, closer to the man’s body.

Instantly you become uncomfortably hot; he seems to be overheating, because there is no way a person without pyro vision could produce so much warmth. Initial shock is quickly replaced by concern, and you grab one of his hands, still clutching your waist, and squeeze it.

“Tighnari, are you alright?” You sound breathless and you are, chest repeatedly rising and falling with every sharp inhale and exhale. The male behind you growls and buries his face between your neck and shoulder, sniffing and shuddering in pleasure from smelling so many delicious scents that are parts of you.

“Yes… Yes, I am,” he pants, free hand reaching up to grope your breast, mindful of his claws.

You are so soft, so warm, so welcoming… Everything in him screams to mark you, to claim you, to sink his teeth in your flesh and his cock in your tight walls, and breed, breed, breed.

However, there is still a sliver of consciousness in him and he wills to unclasp his arms from around you, stepping back a little, and ask you one last time.

“This is your last call, Y/n. If you have any doubts, better leave now, before I drag you to the cave and-”

“I am not backing down,” you turn around to face him, and Archons, you are so beautiful, with that determined look in your eyes, hands reaching for his, gently, but firmly enveloping them in your hold. If he could, he'd curl his tail in the shape of a heart. “Yeah, maybe I freaked for a moment here, but it’s just because I’ve never had you chasing me all the way through the forest,” you chuckle, cutting the distance between you two again and kissing the tip of his nose, smiling when Tighnari lets out a quiet purr. “And I don’t mind being ‘dragged’ to the cave, because, honestly, my legs hurt.”

“No second thoughts?” The male rubs his nose against yours in a comforting manner, ears twitching excitedly. You shake your head, pressing your body to his, provoking another shudder to run down his spine and hips buck into yours with a low groan.

“No second thoughts,” you reassure him, gently smiling. “So, with everything discussed once again… How about you bring me to our…” his pupils blow wide, when he guesses what you are about to say,” …nest?”

Before you can say anything else, something indefinite glints in your lover’s eyes, and the next moment you find yourself thrown over his shoulder, and carried to the safety of your temporary ‘home’.

Thoma

Even two islands away, feet firmly planted on the Watatsumi grounds with your hand tightly clasped in a big warm one of your husband, it is still so hard to believe it. A whole two-week vacation the Kamisato Estate's housekeeper was granted by his blue-haired master. Two weeks of no duties, no running around doing seemingly endless errands, no coming home late, because he had to stay longer to check and make sure the estate’s grounds were spotless before some esteemed guests visit–

Two weeks of having the love of your life all to yourself.

You suspected that the one standing behind this sweet surprise was actually Lady Ayaka, whose friend you'd become soon after your husband - boyfriend at the time - made your relationship official and introduced you to the siblings per their request. You know she easily could, as she often expresses her sympathy when it comes to Thoma spending not only his day, but night as well at their residence completing the tasks.

If this is really the case, you'll have to thank her later, because you haven't seen your man be more excited about spending time with you in a while, and that elation was absolutely catchy and mutual.

Having no desire to attract any attention from the Sangonomiya Shrine, you opt to stay at your friend’s house in the Bourou Village, which, after the battles were over, started progressively growing as many people moved to live there, your friend and her family included.

First two days you slept like logs. As your friend told you on the first day, hardly concealing her laughter, she tried to wake you up around the afternoon to offer lunch before she’d go to work, but you only groaned and clinged to each other tighter, bodies practically intertwined, completely ignoring her words and presence. So she let you be, leaving the shoji doors slightly open for a small breeze to enter your room.

The next couple of days you spent exploring. Now rested and full of pent up energy Thoma wanted to look around, with your hand in his and a bag over his shoulder with some snacks and beverages. Kind elders tried to volunteer as your guides, but you kindly declined before your lover could say anything - it was your vacation after all, and you were willing to share the experience with him only.

That’s how you found this pretty cave - an azure glimmer played on pinkish walls, creating an absolutely magical atmosphere in the dimmed light of the grotto. The passage was quite narrow and hard to notice from a glance, so you kinda assumed people hardly came here.

Your own temporary romantic spot to be alone…

You kissed Thoma so hard when he suggested returning the next day.

The water is cool, but it is nothing of a problem for a pyro user. You test it with the tips of your toes, fingers busy with your clothes; warmth shoots all the way up, pleasantly pouring in your chest, and you exhale softly.

“Too hot?” The usual spring verdure in his eyes shines akin to the clearest emerald the jeweler could encounter, and you find yourself lost in their glow. Smiling, you draw your foot back and, shrugging one of the outer layers off, step closer to where he is crouching with his hand kept under water.

“No, honey, it’s perfect,” your fingers find their way in his short blond hair and gently ruffle, making the man mirror your smile.

“Well, if you say so,” ah, here his lovely face is - right in front of yours, gaze soft and adoring, melting your heart like a popsicle.

Thoma blissfully sighs against your mouth, when you purge your lips together. Warm palms instantly settle on your hips, while you wrap your arms around his neck, pushing your body closer to his, humming in pride when his breath hitches.

"But you know what, or rather who is hot?" The question leaves your lips just a second after his lips leave them. The tall man hums, lowering his head to lead a trail of soft pecks from the side of your jaw to your collarbones.

"Yeah… It's my wife," he says as a matter-of-factly, but so tenderly, planting a kiss right between your soft breasts, nose nudging the hems of your shirt further apart. You burst into giggles, reaching your hands to cradle his head and then bend down to kiss the top of it.

"I was actually meaning my husband," a murmur to his hair feels like a sacred secret, but to Thoma, who knows your heart, it's the truth he believes in.

You lower yourself into the water. The rise in temperature makes you shiver, and your breasts pleasurably tingle, nipples swelling and getting sensitive. With a soft bite on your lower lip, you slowly, barely graze the stiff nubs with the pads of your forefingers, and keen on the sensation. Only Archons know how long it has been since the last time you and your husband were intimate. You miss the weight of his warm body on top of yours, of his mind-blowing kisses, which grew desperate closer to the release, of his deep and steady thrusts, of the angelic noises escaping his unmarked throat…

You hope Thoma is having the same urges and is going to make love to you right here. Well, right after he finishes folding your clothes, of course. Yeah, habits die hard, especially if they are part of a working routine. But damn, do those ripped back and defined shoulder blades look nice…

When his body slides next to yours, you don't lose any second and settle in his lap, arms loosely resting on his shoulders and chest pushing against his. Comprehension flashes behind green eyes - the sultry look on your face and the way you press your bodies close are the giveaway of which mood you are in.

Your back slightly arches when two callused fingers slide between your folds, the pads pressing into your clit, giving it a small rub, as his mouth leaves open-mouthed kisses against the heated skin of your neck. Thoma shudders at your needy mewl, not even fighting the desire quickly rising in his chest and in the pit of his stomach.

He is going to remind you of how head over heels he is for you, and make this vacation truly memorable.

Even if it’s not in the aspect one would expect.

[marlo-noni]

Here's part 2 of my Mandarin learning journey. For part 1, go here.

After I left university in 2003, I started working in an office. I was able to scrape together enough money to travel to China for 6 weeks in 2005.

I was 25 years old when I went to China for the first time in October-November 2005. I was traveling on my own, and I really didn't have much money, so it was the backpacking type of travel.

I started in Hong Kong, in Chungking Mansions. Then stayed with a friend of a friend in Guangzhou. Then I bussed to Yangshuo, Guangxi province; then an overnight train to Kunming, Yunnan province. Then buses to Dali and then Lijiang in Yunnan. Then back to Kunming, and then a 36-hour train ride back to Guangzhou (this was before high-speed rail in China), and then finally back to HK for a final week.

This was before smartphones and social media. It was the era of internet cafes in China - that was the only way you could get online. It was also before the Great Firewall (China banned Google in 2010). I kept in touch with my family and friends through email, long-distance phone cards, and Livejournal. My posts are still up, actually (that's the first one; you can use the navigation arrows to go to the next one).

My only way of looking up Chinese vocab when I was there was my Oxford Chinese-English dictionary, which as you can imagine is extremely limited! So I had lots of experiences where I embarrassed the heck out of myself and/or was simply not able to get my point across or understand what someone was saying to me. But that's also just learning a second language. Your skin gets thicker the more you do it. There were plenty of times where I was speaking to people who didn't know any English (see: literally 99% of the people on the train), so I just had to muddle through.

Being a white foreigner obviously helps - most people were pretty curious and friendly. When I was in Lijiang (where there were a ton of Chinese tour groups and hardly any foreigners), people wanted to take their picture with me.

I could say plenty more about this trip, but this is about my Mandarin learning journey. You can go read my account of it on Livejournal if you like. Keep in mind it's my PoV from 2005.

When I came back to Canada, I worked in the same office for about a year until I got totally sick of it, and then I became a bike courier for 9 months. This is relevant to the story. Being a bike courier affords you a lot of freedom, but it's physically tough and the pay is terrible. So I started applying for office jobs again, and I eventually got hired as a receptionist for a woman who was a notary public and immigration consultant. The reason she hired me is because I could speak Mandarin.

So, I worked as a receptionist/legal assistant at that office from 2007 to 2013 using my shitty Mandarin every day. My boss was from Taiwan and had originally been a paralegal at an immigration lawyer's office, until she started her own notary and immigration consulting practice. She was also a certified Chinese-English translator. So, the whole reason I'm a paralegal today is because this one lady wanted a receptionist who spoke fluent English and also understood some Chinese.

There were some really great things and really terrible things about that job. The good: I got to use Chinese every day, I learned how to be a legal assistant (notaries in my province can handle real estate transactions and prepare Wills and Powers of Attorney, and immigration consultants represent immigrants to Canada and prepare and submit their applications), and I got to do some simple translations because she was also a certified translator. I also gained a very rudimentary ability to read some traditional Chinese. Most of our clients were from the Mainland, though, not Taiwan.

The bad things: the pay was terrible (I started at $12/hour and ended at $18/hour, and by the end I was fully doing paralegal-level work - at my current job, I make about $42/hour now before taxes!), during the 2008 economic crash my boss had to cut my hours to 4 days/week because she lost a bunch of money in the stock market, and my boss was a tyrant. She scolded me a lot, and I'd often get in trouble for reasons that totally mystified me. I'm sure some of it was cultural, but I also think she was just unnecessarily harsh a lot of the time.

I knew someone who worked at a big law firm who tried to get me hired there, but their HR said I needed to get a legal assistant certificate, so I eventually went to school for 8 months full-time to get that, and then I got hired at my current law firm. I've been working at my current law firm since 2013.

The drawback for my Chinese learning at my current firm is that it's a legitimate mid-size law firm. There are about 45 lawyers. So everything has to be super professional, which means even though I speak some Chinese, I can't use my busted-ass Mandarin with clients. I know very little legal terminology, so anytime a lawyer wants someone to interpret, I can't really do that. Plus, it's Vancouver, so there are already some legal assistants at my firm who are actually fluent in Chinese who can do proper interpreting.

So, Chinese went back to being my hobby. That meant that there were ebbs and flows. I remember watching The Legend of Zhen Huan (Empresses in the Palace) in about 2015 when there was a super edited version of it on Netflix, and I got into it enough that I found the original series with English subs on some streaming site like Dramacool/Kissasian/its equivalent and watched the whole thing. After that, I watched the first half of Nirvana in Fire before something else grabbed my attention - eventually I need to watch that entire series! I remember learning a bunch of guzhuang vocabulary from those series that I hadn't heard before, like concubines referring to themselves as 奴婢, and people saying 陛下息怒 when the emperor was angry.

But what really happened is that my Chinese languished for quite a while. In 2017 I started planning a trip to Japan that I'd eventually take in 2019, and I started studying Japanese on Duolingo and then Lingodeer. I also discovered Skritter at that time, and used it to practice kanji, which of course I already had a huge head-start on because of Chinese. And I gotta say, even though Japanese has a very complicated writing system, it is SO MUCH easier to learn than Chinese, at least in my experience.

Then the pandemic hit, and I'm a white girl on Tumblr with an interest in Asian culture and a Netflix subscription, so what happened next was - you guessed it - in early 2021, I watched The Untamed for the first time. And when I finished it, I rewatched it again. And then I fell down that entire rabbit hole.

And as ridiculous as it is, The Untamed is what fully reignited my Chinese learning so that I'm at the point today where I've learned about 2900 Chinese characters, and I can watch Liu Yuning's livestream and understand about 75% of it. But let's leave that for the next part of this long-ass story.

[eponymous-rose]

It's a fairly busy week, and this kind of thing always helps me stay on-task - here's the day in a nutshell.

7am: Wake up (groggily) - I've found that I like having extra time in the morning, especially early in the week. Cuddles with Clara the cat, a little yoga (I have accumulated enough broken bones and scars that being totally sedentary means my whole body promptly turns to stone), shower, a nice breakfast and coffee while I catch up on work e-mails. A scientist from Switzerland who wants to do a two-year postdoc with me has sent me a document summarizing the research ideas we discussed at our last meeting! It's very neat stuff, and we're going to be putting together an application in the summer to get the full two years funded externally.

9am: Dry hair and set off to work! Manage to catch the 9:20 bus and have a chill commute to campus. Check e-mail again on my way into the building and realize our facilities manager has responded to an earlier e-mail, so I detour to his machine shop and chat a bit about the issue (I'm teaching an instrumentation class this quarter, and one of my students has been having trouble with her datalogger). He gives me a new USB cord, so I jog upstairs to try it out - no luck, just empty com ports and error messages galore :(. I also check out some of the hardware, but there are no suggestively bent pins or anything to give clues as to what's happening, and it looks like the console has stopped remote readings altogether. At a bit of a loss, I send him an update and head down to the lounge to get some hot water for my tea, then sit upstairs and quickly skim through the slides for today's lecture, which I haven't actually seen since last year. While I'm doing that, our facilities manager comes up with a fresh new datalogger and offers to configure it for me while I'm in class!

10:30am: Class goes well! We talk about some fun topics that are near and dear to my heart, and while everyone is a little on the shy and less-talkative side today, two different people are brave enough to confirm they got the right answer for the in-class exercise. Early on, the facilities manager comes in with the fresh datalogger, and I hand it off to the relieved student. Hopefully this does the trick! I get through my slides a few minutes early (probably because of the aforementioned quietness), which gives me time before my next meeting to quickly post grades for the students who gave an in-class presentation on Friday, as well as to link to the cloud recording of today's lecture.

11:30am: Research meeting! A colleague and I are co-advising an undergraduate research intern on a project we're seeking funding for (and have just hired a graduate student onto). She's progressing really nicely and just had a couple questions about a polar stereographic projection she was working on ("Is it meant to look that weird?" "Yes, absolutely."). We got her pointed in the right direction for the next couple of weeks, then raided my candy bowl and hung around a couple minutes chatting about how her classes are going. As she and my colleague leave, I see a message from the student with the troublesome datalogger confirming that the new one works! Whew. I send the victorious news to our facilities manager, with my endless thanks. The meeting wrapped up quickly, so I have time to munch on a protein bar (I usually pack a lunch, but I know I'm going out for a big dinner tonight) and enjoy my tea.

I'm a little nervous about a class I'm teaching next quarter - it's a really specialized grad-level class and if it gets fewer than 5 students, it gets canceled. Currently nobody is registered at all. On my colleague's advice, I put together an e-mail to all the grad students to let them know what the course has to offer.

I still have some time before my next calendar item, so I jump into the early stages of a scientific journal review due on Friday. It's a bit of an annoying process - it was originally rejected, and I got brought onto the resubmission when it was a long-ass paper plus 100 pages of replies to reviewers, and now we've made it through TWO MORE ROUNDS of reviews, so it's basically just a giant novel-sized mess of people yelling at each other. But it's gonna get done!

Just as I'm getting into the swing of things, two of my students pop by and stand in the hallway giggling nervously. Apparently they can't find their TA for another class and have a question about class material, so they figured they'd ask me instead - I gently redirect them to, you know, the professor of that course. "Yeah, but we're scared of him," they say, and I try not to die laughing with the knowledge that his wife is in the office next door to me hearing all this. Mixed feelings on this one - on the one hand, I'm glad my students see me as someone they can come to with questions. On the other, it's a time crunch on me that my old-white-dude colleagues don't have to contend with. They eventually head off in search of their professor while I go upstairs for...

12:30pm: Forecast briefing! We have weekly meetings for a national weather forecasting competition we're all in - it involves issuing 4 forecasts a week. I'm... okay at it (usually in the top quarter of competitors, at least beating the models), but we have some RIDICULOUSLY talented forecasters in our group. Today's briefing is entertaining enough, and we all squabble over where we want to forecast next week (the ~1000 participants vote on the city).

1:30pm: Research meeting! This one is with my most junior graduate student, who's a bit overwhelmed with coursework (the first year of our Master's degree is 9 extremely difficult courses before they finally get to do research full-time). We talk through it a bit and he asks for my advice on project/time management, so we chat about pomodoros, the Star Trek Scotty method (always give yourself a buffer and act as though things are going to take more time than they really will), and not writing the entire day off if you wind up doing nothing all morning - you can still hit a reset switch and have a busy afternoon if you need to. Just generally "be kind to yourself, because in the end the self-imposed guilt of not finishing something will stop you from progressing more than anything else." We also talk organizing code and avoiding hard-coding even when it makes the initial time investment much higher. It's a good chat, ending with some restaurant recommendations when he finds out I'm heading to his hometown this weekend! We wrap up early with some specific goals for the next couple weeks, and, after sending in my forecasts for the day, I get back to my review. I also order 5 lbs of candy to refill my candy bowls. It's been that kind of quarter. An e-mail comes in from a student interested in my course and asking for more info! She confirms she's probably going to take it, after consulting with her advisor. Heard from another colleague that she's got one student interested - two down, three to go!

2:30pm: Research meeting! How obvious is it that I like to front-load my week with meetings? This one's with a freshman undergraduate student who's started working with me as a research assistant on a new project... except the project we were originally going to work on together is going very very slowly (our collaborators at a different university are dragging their heels). He met with my PhD student a while back and got really interested in his work, and he apparently knows more than enough coding to be able to follow along, so I went ahead and got him access to 300,000 core hours and 1,000 GPU hours on a national supercomputer to do some exploratory data analysis. As you do. Tragically, the initial project also only works on PCs, and he's a Mac user, so that's another reason to pull him off one project and onto the other. Alas. The project he can't do is a SUPER appealing project to me (very repetitive, boring work that requires little brain-power - please let me do this from time to time!), so I might participate for the heck of it. Meeting ends a little early, so it's back to the review.

3:30pm: We're hiring! It's a dual hire with another department, so it's been a bit fraught, but the grueling two-day interviews roll on. This is number 3/5, so we're getting into the swing of things, and it's time to go attend the public seminar portion of the interview for this candidate. He is... absolutely astonishing on paper, like a once-in-a-generation kind of mind, so I'm already excited to see his talk. We'd be incredibly lucky to have him, although I'm not entirely clear on why he's leaving a super prestigious professorship two years in. I didn't get to schedule a one-on-one meeting with him since he has to leave earlier than expected tomorrow, but I'll be joining him for dinner tonight. The talk goes quite well, although I hear the students buzzing over whether he's genuinely collaborating or just doing the tech-bro thing of coming in and claiming to solve all our problems... Plenty to think about at dinner tonight. I believe this will be what the kids call a vibe check. (We also have a chalk talk tomorrow where he'll present his work to just the faculty + postdocs, so more chances there!)

5pm: Got some time to kill before heading over to dinner at 5:45. I was originally going to do some work, but my brain is a little fried at this point and I may just zone out and scroll for an hour. More tea! That'll solve everything.

5:45pm: Meeting a colleague to go grab the candidate and Uber over to the restaurant together - I love this place! Lots of good food, and plenty of non-alcoholic cocktails and veggie/vegan/gluten-free options, so an ideal spot to bring a guest speaker or faculty candidate. He was very pleasant to chat with and really knew his stuff despite having just had an exhausting day. Good food, good chats all around. Home by 9:30pm, phew.

[s-che]

magician, hermit, devil!

The Magician — What design skills are you best at? OR What skill have you been working on lately?

I've been writing a lot of short (d6) random charts lately, for a game which I haven't talked much about but which is going to involve a lot of d6 random charts. It's an interesting practice — really knuckling down and making every item on the list worth choosing has taken some time and a lot of thought. It really helps to be willing to cut mercilessly — even to cut lists altogether, when you don't have enough interesting things to fill them with — which I haven't historically been the best about. I'm a pretty rhythmic writer, so I often find myself slipping into the trap of leaving things in that aren't good just because they fill out a form / shape / meter — I'm working on learning to say no to all but the best ideas, instead.

The Hermit — What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned about game design? OR Are you interested in collaborating with others?

I'm absolutely fucking interested in collaborating with others. Collaborative creative work is the greatest thing on earth. I'm in grad school (MA) right now and I've also got three jobs, and I'm also putting together my applications for the my next program (PhD) on top of that — all of that is extremely self-directed and self-motivated labor, and I would love nothing more than meaningful work that I actually get to do in live conversation with other people.

All that to say — Hire me to work on your shit.

The Devil — What motifs or mechanics do you just keep coming back to? OR What is a game you’ve enjoyed playing in the last year?

I've been trying to write something about Changelings for maybe three years at this point and I finally buckled down and started something today that I think (think) I'll actually be able to pull together into a full project. I like to tell myself it's all practice, whether I finish it or not... But I would also really appreciate getting things together into a form I can actually share with people. In terms of mechanics, I spend a lot of time with playing cards in my games but I REALLY want to find something with a nice dice pool in it. The thing I mentioned with the d6 charts has them, and a game I want to write about gay farmhands will probably end up having them, and (segue to also get in an answer to the question) I played Last Train to Bremen a few months back which uses Liar's Dice — a perfect mechanic, imo. Dice are just so much fun. Rolling a lot of them all at the same time rules. I want to write a game that feels like the last five minutes of a really good Fiasco session.

[pseudowho]

mrs haitch i need advice😕im in university and i called this business two weeks before i got here that i was interested in working there and they said to come by once i moved in and i did. i filled out an application and they said they would call me. they never did so i called them and they said a couple applications got shredded and that mine mightve been one of them. but then the manager said to come by and bring my social security number with me which basically implies i got the job. so i went today and told her ‘hey you basically told me i have the job so im here to work’ and she told me that they already hired people to work the only times im available to work and i just dont know what to do. i have terriblr luck with jobs (i didnt have a job the whole summer except for the last couple weeks) amd i know if i keep applying i might get one but no guarantee. i dont know if i just dont have enough experience (which i dont get how im supposed to get any if no one hires me) or what but i desperately need a job and im just stuck. obviously if this is too much you dont have to bother with it. i totally understand but you are a very wise woman and i thought to ask you for advice/your opinion on this.

I understand, it's okay. The job market is thoroughly shit here in the UK, and I believe it's the same in a lot of western countries at the moment.

With the 'not enough experience' schtick, which I fucking hate by the way, I feel like you might have more luck either swinging just below what you're looking for, or just above.

For the 'just above', consider playing the long game: think outside of the box with which jobs you might be able to get, if you have just a little extra something. Could you look into babysitting-- perhaps there's a fairly easy to get certification in basic childcare? Could you look into tutoring-- lots of parents are looking for University students to tutor their kids in basic subjects, because they could often get away with paying you a little less than a 'formal' tutor. If it's cash in hand, as well, this benefits you.

For the 'just below', aim for the kind of jobs that 16-18 year old kids go for, pre-University, if you're not doing this already. They're used to people with no experience. Any hospitals near you looking for cleaners or porters? Any hotels near you looking for cleaners or porters?? Try not to exclude a job just because of an initial 'ew' feeling. Branch out a bit.

The next bit of advice is quantity quantity quantity-- if you see any job which even remotely looks like you could do it, apply. Something's got to stick eventually.

The next one is fairly old-fashioned but I'll be honest, I've seen it work; take a walk around the local town. Scope out the businesses with an armful of your CVs and your best brave smiling face. You are genuinely more memorable as an actual living, breathing, smiling person than you are as some faceless document sent their way. In an age of companies being shedloads of CVs and job applications in such a competitive market, perhaps staying local and personal will help you stand out and work in your favour.

Phew...I think that's all I have really.

Remember, consider asking @mrhaitch who has actually helped students your age to do exactly this kind of thing.

Focus on getting into a job, and doing well at it. Then you'll have experience and income, and it's proven to be easier to find another job when you already have a job.

All my love, and good luck,

-- Haitch xxx

[eldritchsurveys]

1238.

What type of milk do you like to drink? >> I don't drink any kind of milk by itself.

Do you have a first aid kit at home? >> I do not. It's one of those "if we had more disposable income we'd have one, but as it stands it's low on the list of priorities when so many other immediate needs require meeting" sort of things. I guess if either of us got injured more often it'd be a higher priority.

What’s the absolute bare minimum in terms of facilities when you’re camping? >> Food and something to protect me from the elements and bare ground.

How many places have you lived in your life? >> Five different states and countless different specific locations.

Are your parents dog or cat people? Is that different or the same as you? .

What’s your favourite flavour of potato chip? >> Basic kettle-cooked salt and pepper. Zapp's Voodoo chips if I want more flavour.

What’s the longest your hair has ever been? How long is it now? .

What video games remind you of your childhood? >> Just the classic nineties-era computer games that you found in every computer lab in school, like Oregon Trail, and various Bröderbund games I had for my own computer. No actual video games because I didn't have access to those.

What does your body wash or soap smell like? >> It's the Dove Beauty Bar, which just smells like... soap, I guess. The quintessential soap smell.

Are there are sounds that bother you on a visceral level? >> So, so many. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to keep living on this planet sometimes.

What was the last thing you bought online? >> FFXIV: Dawntrail, back when that was about to drop.

Name something you always have in your fridge. >> Various condiments.

Have you ever had to hire a lawyer? Why? >> The closest I've come is getting an advocate from one of those urban justice orgs for my SSI application process.

Have you taken a walk today? Did you see any dogs? >> I have not. The humidity has worn me down, I can't get motivated to take my morning walks these days because I just obsess about how sticky I'm going to be the whole time. Also, sunrise is now 07:00 and that's so late, people are so active at that point, it's not like the beautifully quiet dawns of midsummer :/

What vegetable do you really hate? >> I honestly can't say I hate any vegetables. There are some I'm far less likely to eat, but none that I flat-out can't stand.

Does your family have any traditions or rituals? .

If you could learn any language, what would it be? >> Well, I can learn any language, at least passably if not fluently. Right now, I'm working on Irish.

What was the best thing that happened today? Something that seems minor can still be awesome. >> I was finally finishing my Person of Interest rewatch now that my loins are girded enough to handle that sort of emotional damage, and I got so much lightning-flash inspiration for merging that universe with my Saints Row one. I love that feeling, it's like... being full of electricity, being plugged in, connected to the fabric of reality. Seeing how the threads intertwine, and how they can be made to weave new stories. !! What a thrill. Have you ever donated money to a charity? Which one? >> As a person who is known for Having No Money, I have not. I am, in fact, a charity case.

Did you have a large circle of friends in high school? >> I had no circle of friends in high school. There were about two or three kids tops in each school that would put up with me.

Would you ever get a matching tattoo with someone? >> I have matching X-Files tattoos with Sparrow, and I'd do it again. The trick is to make it a tattoo similar to something you'd get independently anyway -- I had already had the "scully, it's me" tattoo idea and when I was planning to get it, they were like "hey what if we matched", and I was fine with that.

What time do you usually go to sleep? >> I go to bed at 22:00 and I stop using my phone at 23:00 (the last part tends to vary, but that's where I'm at right now). When I go to sleep, however, is not something I can control.

Do you have a job? >> I do not.

What colour are the plates in your kitchen? >> We don't have a matching set. We mostly use paper plates, anyway. Well, I do, certainly.

What was the last gift you received? >> The stuff I got for Christmas -- the earbuds and the pillow and weighted blanket.

What is your Chinese zodiac animal? >> Rabbit, I think. Are you inside right now? If you’re home, what room of the house are you in? >> I'm in my bedroom, as usual.

Are you good at remembering faces? >> Good enough, I guess. I do have a hard time trying to place where I've seen certain actors and stuff, but I guess that's normal especially if you watch a lot of shit like I do. What will you do after this survey? >> I might poke around on tumblr. I don't know, I feel like I did a bunch of stuff I wanted to do already so now I'm like "now what :V"

[morvantmortuary]

found out today that the dissertation funding application I wrote and rewrote for my advisor got rejected in the first round of considerations

…that I’m pretty sure he was on the selection committee for.

(in which Rora voices my thoughts, a la Gale Waters-Waters.)

like. okay, it’s not the total end of the world or even something I was particularly counting on, and at least I won’t be on tenterhooks waiting until April.

I’m mainly just frustrated that I spent so much time on it, with his feedback, specifically, only for the process to be like “hmmm nope actually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

granted, it was good advice, the short summary is something I can use for academic job applications, and if anything, I understand if he didn’t push harder for me bc he can’t look biased. plus, the two people who do go on to the next round from our department are friends of mine, so good for them

but I am. really skeptical I’m going to be able to finish in time for an August deadline like my parents want and they refuse to hear it no matter how much I tell them, and I’m not even teaching this semester. that scholarship would’ve meant I wouldn’t have had to work through a seventh year if I got it, I could just write, unlike the assistantship funding from my department, which only means I can stay an extra year

a. as long as I work for them, which will just be doubly exhausting, and

b. as long as they have funding for it, which can sometimes… not happen.

which means I’m back to either writing my ass off and defending by May, or the people offering me an interview next week for a Real Adult Job in another department like me enough to hire me so I can keep affording my rent.

uuuggghhhh okay. okay. back to the drawing board, it’s all going to be fine.

“But Rae,” you ask, “What is Hex doing in the wake of this news?”

The usual.

[cassowary-rapture]

Oh my fucking god

The captioning/transcription test I took back in April?

I passed (and was in the top 0.3% out of 3,000 applicants, actually!) and they hired me. I was just cleaning out my Updates email tab and found the email with a link to the job portal and the team Discord, sent May 16th

Fuuuck

Thankfully it looks like I still have access to everything and haven't totally screwed myself over by missing the email until now, but still...I could have started in MAY

Anyway still too incredulous and frustrated to be properly excited but

I'M AN EXCEPTIONAL TRANSCRIPTIONIST! MY JOB HUNT WAS ACTUALLY VERY VERY SUCCESSFUL, NOT JUST TOSSING APPLICATIONS INTO THE VOID! I GOT A JOB!

And one that pays three times what I'm used to making, which I'm trying not to think about because it's too overwhelming and I don't want to do something impulsive like start working on a job before reading the style guide

!!!!!!

I guess it is partly imposter syndrome. Why would they hire me? And for that pay rate? Idk, maybe because I've been a transcriptionist for like a decade, they liked my resume, and I did super well on their test? RIDICULOUS

Also feeling like I'm late for work. NEARLY TWO MONTHS LATE

Alright gonna try to calm the fuck down and get over myself today and then get into it -- at least read the manual, look at example jobs, get familiar with the portal and Discord, etc. -- tomorrow

[anoptimisticadventurer]

This week I completed two major tasks:

1. Interviewed for a job which, went really well. My only lament was that it was with the assistant of the hiring manager, not the actual hiring manager herself. In my eyes, I feel as though the hiring managers usually or for the most part, make their decisions based on who had the most positive influence or impression in the interview. Although, I had a great job interview with the assistant, it was not the hiring manager and that's where I think it ultimately will be the deciding factor for me. Maybe word of mouth is passed along and I'm able to receive a call back, but I have to be realistic about how interviews and the hiring process usually work. And I accept it. I'm proud of myself regardless and I will continue on with the job searches.

2. I spent all week, transferring my previous transcripts, completing the application forms, registering to courses, but FINALLY, I can officially call myself an undergraduate student for Liberty University Online at Virginia.

I had to transfer from Regent University to Liberty University because.. my nephew unexpectedly passed away a year and 4 months ago. January the 9th of 2023 to be exact. The grief of his passing derailed all of my motivation and focus on school. I ended up in academic suspension and decided to just take time to heal and move on. I tried returning but the school asked me to go somewhere else and prove that I'm able to actually complete my courses.

I'm scared of going back to school - it's really scary. I want to do good, I want to succeed, I want- I hope I can redeem myself and prove that I'm that man I see in my heart. Today I spent my time on the computer submitting ada accommodations forms, purchasing the textbooks, and making sure all the financial check in is cleared. There were a lot of hiccups, but in the end everything was finally resolved and now I'm officially a Liberty University student.

My head was hurting so much after 7 hours of nonstop phone conversations and sitting on the computer.

Sigh. I really don't want to let myself. I know I can do this. But I'm still scared. I have to breathe and appreciate this chance I've gotten. I must have joy about this. I will do my best to have a successful summer semester and so on.

Okay. I'm glad I finallt got the opportunity to ramble. ✌🏽

[yayforocs]

Day 7- Personality

i hadn't actually posted this yet and i realized this would work pretty well for today's prompt :V

this is a lil drabble i wrote out to kinda feel out the twins' characters after i drew em :0 so it technically fits the prompt i think!

anyway here's the twins \o/

---

Not that one.

Not that one.

That one might be worth it. He clicked it open in a new tab and then kept scrolling.

Not that one.

That one looked good, but was way too far of a commute, unless he didn't actually go back home after graduation and moved closer to the job. By himself.

Not that one.

Not that-

Russ didn't react as his door was abruptly burst open, knowing full well by the loud steps that it was his sister- who promptly slammed her phone down on the desk by his laptop.

He glanced over at it, screen dark. He looked up at her.

"Ok...?"

"I got-" Her eyes then darted down to her phone screen, and she jerked it back up. "Wait holdon I accidentally-" A second later she put it back down, albeit a little gentler, and holding it differently so as to not turn the screen off again. "I found something!"

Now when he looked at it, he saw what he was meant to see: a listing of available positions at the old Freddy's back home. He raised an eyebrow but didn't ask anything until he read over all of it.

Zoe beat him to it, anyway. "There's an opening for a technician and they're even offering training. There's also a couple other spots- one's a cook, which I guess I could do, but I'd much rather be a cast member, which is also available. Look, we can both go and do something together! Sort of! Might have different shifts, assuming we both get hired, but it'd be the same place. I don't think it'd be hard to get in, though, fresh graduates and all," she finished, inclining her head in an intentional look.

He stared at it for a few seconds more before giving in. "Alright, send me the link," he sighed, pulling up his messenger app. Her phone was back in her hands for barely two seconds before the notification popped up, and he clicked on it.

"Cool, if you're good with that I'll go send in mine, too." And as quickly as she came, Zoe left.

Russ pushed his mouth to one side as he re-read the information. Awfully convenient, if he had to be honest, but it was at Freddy's. ...Granted, last he'd heard anything of it, it was under new management and going well, or at least well enough. This opening though was specifically for upkeep of the big stuff- not just arcade games, but the lights and sound of the whole place, as well as... the infamous animatronic performers. He grew up there, he and Zoe went to Freddy's as kids, and he remembered liking it well enough, but then he got older and learned about all the stories and rumors and possibly/probably very real tragedies that happened there. Or if not there, at least in the franchise's history.

He opened a new tab, and searched up the place by itself. There was the first result, with all the business information- open hours and such- and reviews. He clicked. Three and a half star average, decent amount of reviews. He scrolled. Mother whose kids loved the place, babysitter who commented on how clean it was, someone upset that they didn't get a refund on pizza they decided they didn't want after eating half of, another mom that said she felt her kids were safe there- a bit of an on-the-nose review, considering, but it worked- a dad whose girls loved Foxy, and someone that praised a Mr. Schmidt. He supposed that was the new management. The reviews continued similarly. So mostly good, as the average said. Lots of blank reviews, but the ones that were written in provided what he was looking for.

He closed the tab and pulled up his resumé.

---

Across the hall and a door down, Zoe had already submitted hers and posted a motion-blurred picture of her laptop screen on her social media's stories tab, captioned "Just sent off my first job applications!!!" with several emojis accompanying, including some crossed fingers and prayer hands. There was a whole batch she'd sent out, but only the Freddy's one was something that'd actually keep the twins together, and bad history or not, she wanted that one to be the one that worked out the most.

Her phone dinged with a reply to her story.

< Did you do it? 👀

She laughed to herself.

Yeah girl ofc!! A jobs a job n I intend to get paid 👀 > < Wym a jobs a job????? Don't die over a dare pls I do not trust that place worth anything That was all years ago, doesn't matter. Besides have u seen the guy running it now 👀👌 > < Ong do not 💀💀💀 he'll sic the robots on u and you'll deserve it Nah he won't. Rusty'll get em to like me n then they won't do anything > < You covince him?? < Convinced Yeah I didn't even need to really he just took it, so fingers crossed for the both of us🤞🤞🤞 > Covince > < Shut up I corrected it :) > Fr tho nah idc bout him he's prolly like forty or smth I'm not abt that > < I thought you meant Russ at first 🤣 I > Am not going to comment on that > < And then I read the rest of it chill out!!! Do I even wanna know what u thought before u read the rest of it or no > < I thought you were calling him old idk!!!! < Anyway unimportant < If u get it u gotta give me updates I already told you I'm not actually interested in him > < Stoppppp :) > Lol yeah I'll let you know 🤞 > < Gl!!! 🤞

The online indicator grayed out, and she locked her phone screen. After a moment, her eyes wandered to the calendar pinned on the wall. Two weeks. In two weeks, they could be back home, with fancy bachelor's degrees that could mean nothing or everything, doing who-knows-what. Looking for apartments, probably. But they'd need a job for that, first. Proof of income and all.

She looked back over the twenty still-open tabs of sent applications, and crossed her fingers.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS - Chapter 20

*Warning: Adult Content*  

Jayce stared at the wall of his hotel room, sighing before he looked back at his laptop.

This would be the fifth job application he'd submitted today.

He hoped someone would call him back but he worried that because it was now December and the holidays were approaching, companies wouldn't be hiring until the new year.

He had enough savings to stay in this hotel for the rest of the month but after that, he'd have to start bringing in some money if he wanted to make sure he had enough to pay for the deposit and first month's rent for a new apartment.

To make things worse, most of the apartments he'd looked at wanted proof of employment and current pay stubs, so he couldn't even get an apartment until he got a job.

It was stressful but it wasn't what was bothering him most. 

Dylan was constantly on his mind.

He missed the quiet, gentle man.

He missed Dylan's huge arms wrapped around him, Dylan's warm lips against his and the way Dylan seemed to smell like Christmas.

He still didn't understand quite what had gone wrong.

Dylan seemed to like him and he'd told Jayce he could be himself.

But maybe what had happened was what always happened to him, as soon as he wasn't perfect, guys left him.

He'd challenged Dylan about going into town and brought up Dylan's flaws and a few hours later, Dylan had sent him back to Seattle.

The other possibility was that his helplessness and tendency to turn everything into a disaster had been too much for Dylan.

Because of his poor planning, he'd caused a missing persons fiasco, wasted everyone's time and caused the police to show up at Dylan's door.

Most people wouldn't be happy about that.

He hadn't known his brother was going to invite him for Thanksgiving this year or that both his brother and his parents would panic when they didn't hear back from him and couldn't get in touch with him.

It was nice to know his family actually did care.

Since he missed Thanksgiving with them, he had been invited to fly to his brother's house for Christmas.

Giving up on the job applications for now, he crawled onto the hotel bed and sank down with his face in the pillows.

He was upset about how things had turned out with Dylan and he'd spent more time moping around than he wanted to admit.

Every time he closed his eyes, he pictured Dylan's face.

He didn't know how things would have worked out between them, especially living several hours apart from each other but he'd at least wanted to try being in a relationship with Dylan.

Beside him on the bed, his phone started vibrating.

He picked it up quickly, hoping maybe it'd be someone from one of the jobs he'd applied to but he sighed when he saw it was just his brother calling him.

Again.

"Hey, Matt," he answered. "I'm still okay. Not lost anywhere. You don't need to keep checking up on me."

"I know but I want to. I feel bad for being too wrapped up in my own life to keep in touch on a consistent basis. That's going to change."

"You have a wife and kids. You should be focused on them."

"And I can focus on you too," Matt sighed. "I didn't know Dad and Mom were being so weird about you being gay. If I had known, I would have done a lot of things differently."

"It's not your problem."

"It is, especially when my little brother takes off into the mountains without telling anyone and almost dies."

"I'm fine," he insisted. "I promise. I won't ever do that again, trust me."

"You still owe me the detailed version of what happened. I mean, some guy who lived in the mountains found you? You can't just leave it at that."

"Okay," he sighed.

He started filling Matt in about Dylan and he couldn't help but tell him everything.

He needed to talk to someone about Dylan and about how he had messed it all up.

"That's quite a story," Matt said.

"Yeah. I just wish I hadn't screwed things up."

"Jayce, I don't think it's your fault. Based on everything you just told me about Dylan, he's had a rough life. This might be something you should talk to Heather about."

He had only spoken with Matt's wife Heather a few times but she had always been kind to him.

And she was a therapist, so it probably wouldn't hurt to get her perspective.

Heather's warm, upbeat voice filled his ear.

"Hey, Jayce. I'm glad you're okay and safely back in Seattle. You had us all worried."

"I'm fine," he assured her. "I didn't mean to cause all this trouble."

He gave her a brief recap of the past couple months but spent most of the time telling her about Dylan.

She listened carefully, taking a moment to think before giving her opinion.

"If you really like Dylan and want to have a relationship with him, the first thing both of you will have to do is communicate better. It sounds like you both have insecurities and you need to talk to each other about those. Second, you're going to have to take the lead on a lot of things. Dylan's had a sheltered life and it doesn't seem like he's had much opportunity for human interaction. He doesn't have the same social skills that you do. You're going to have to be patient with him. There may be days when he lashes out or doesn't know how to handle a situation. I suspect that's what happened when he sent you home."

"I didn't think about all of that," he admitted.

"If you want to talk to him again or see him again, you'll need to be the one to reach out. There could be any number of things Dylan is thinking but it's possible that after everything he's been through, he doesn't believe you actually want to be around him."

He listened carefully to everything Heather said, asking a few follow-up questions before they hung up.

He was grateful to have her advice and see the situation from someone else's perspective.

It gave him hope that things didn't have to be over with Dylan.

For days, Dylan had laid in his bed, barely eating and ignoring the world around him.

The silence he'd once loved was stifling now.

Jayce was gone and he'd give anything to hear Jayce's laugh again or listen to him ramble on, filling the room with the sound of his voice.

He pulled the blanket over his head and clutched the scarf he'd given to Jayce.

After Jayce had left, he'd found the scarf draped over a chair.

Apparently, Jayce didn't want to take it with him and didn't want any reason to remember him or his time in the cabin.

The rejection stung but he buried his face in the scarf and breathed deeply. It still smelled like Jayce.

He knew he needed to get up and move on with his life.

More snow had fallen and he needed to clear the driveway again and bring in more firewood.

And if he wanted fresh fruit and vegetables, he'd have to do what he dreaded most, go back into town to the grocery store.

A few hours later, he pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store.

He stared at the building in front of him, hoping there wouldn't be many people inside.

He hoped he could get in, get what he needed and get out before anyone noticed him.

Inside the store, a group of teenagers were in the bakery section looking at the desserts and an older woman was slowly pushing a cart down one of the aisles as she browsed.

He kept his head down and headed straight to the produce section.

He quickly picked out what he wanted before taking a detour to grab some fish fillets as well.

He was about to turn the corner into the next aisle when he heard the whispers of the teenagers he'd seen when he entered the store.

"Did you see that creepy guy is in here?" one of the girls said. "I heard that he kidnapped a hiker and kept him in some weird cabin up in the mountains."

One of the guys chimed in.

"My dad said the same thing and told me to stay away from him. Like I would ever go near him. Something's wrong with that guy."

His heart sank hearing their words.

He didn't know how the information about Jayce being at his cabin had gotten out but it shouldn't have surprised him that people were twisting the story to make him out to be a threat.

Now, people's stares were going to be even worse.

The teenagers laughed about something and he focused on their words again.

"That big scar on his face looks so bad," another girl whispered. "I don't know why he walks around like that instead of trying to cover it up."

He felt sick.

It was one thing for his mind to fill in the blanks about what people must be thinking as they stared at him but it was another thing entirely hearing their real thoughts.

He couldn't stand another second of being in public with everyone's watching eyes, so he dropped his basket of groceries and quickly fled from the store.

[izzy-b-hands]

finally got a response just now from A Certain Org i normally love supporting bc they do good work

however

this isn't for my most recent application from like, March. no.

this is a rejection from my JUST ABOUT 9 MONTHS AGO application instead, the one I'd given up on as being ghosted/filled already/actually only meant for internal hire but accidentally got posted to Indeed

have they even looked at my most recent app for the other position? was there even a point in applying to this other position if they were gonna turn me down for the first one?

I know shits hard and they're busy bc everyone is but holy fuck it's been months just leave me ghosted at that point, what the entire fuck like when will i get a reply to the most recent one then???

worst part is if they offered me the chance to apply again, I still would. I really want to help them do the work they do, even if this makes me feel like absolute shit (bc im sorry but presuming that a job searcher would be able to wait as long as it would take to birth a human infant before even getting into the interview process seems uh. Fucked Up, to me, but I admit im tired and frustrated with jobs so that's probably my bias showing and im actually in the wrong to be upset, but dang it i can't help it today. this rejection hurts.)