#just gonna preface this now
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speaking ab 1d fan into f1 fan. It’s a fact that Louis girls are lando girls now. (I’m a proof)
oooh I can kinda see it but I think that’s also because louis said he liked lando😭
#cece answers#just gonna preface this now#liam girlies—my blog is not a safe place for you✋😔#I just cannot understand what yous saw in that boy
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I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist
#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here#and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH#but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable#claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find#the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area#be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos#the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas#and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to#learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed#this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly#introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice#damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives#there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them#for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos#the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like#selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces#however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to#4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there#all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt#also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun#based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day
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take two on the phone call. if that person doesn't call today, i'm probably going to lose it. ;__;
#loyal talks about stuff and things#i don't like talking to this person ANYWAY#she does this ummming and ahhhing thing and takes forever to say what she's gonna say#which would be FINE except she always prefaces it by saying something like 'i really need to talk to you about something'#and it's SO anxiety inducing.#last time she was like 'i need to discuss [oldest's name] and what happened'#and just kept like. umm and ahhh'ing around the issue#until i blurted out 'if there's something wrong i need you to tell me right now this is causing me anxiety'#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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"endogenic systems are a target of ableism"
"thats not ableism bc you claim not to have a disorder"
"ok we'll call it pluralphobia then"
"ummm, why the FUCK are you using that word? that thing is Clearly ableism"
i love you people. never change
#1. gonna preface this addition w a shield against 'its a diverse group of people!!' bc i have seen this come specifically from the same ppl#granted over tve course of id say a month or two! so i imagine some of them jusr forgor 💀 still embarrassing to me though#anyway 2. i no longer use this blog to actually engage in debate#so if you feel the need to rebut me just know that i dont care and im here for a laugh now#syscourse
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everytime i go to my regular haircutter and show her reference pictures for what id want my hair to look like i have to preface it with "i know we only have so much to work with"
#thinkingggggh abt getting another haircut this year before me vacation in september#i got a trim and me bangs in like. march????#because i was so sick of my hair lmao and i had to finally change it#but i reallyyyyyyy want to go for some feathery 70s layers#but again prefacing that with the fact that theres only so much you can do with my hair. and that's not a lot#its thin and it does Not want to hold curls.#back when my hair was longer like past my shoulders in high school i tried soooo hard curling it#id braid it id try rollers and leave them in too long so it just looked stupid. it was a great time#and after all that as my hair is growing out i still want to try it again.#i wanna get bigger rollers and try to do something with it. if i can. if it'll let me#but like at least me and my haircutter are on the same page now like we both know that my hair isnt gonna look like the picture i show her#but we will try to get as close as we can .#but yeah ill try to get some vaguely 70s kinda layers . rn my hair is just one length w the bangs and it's eh#we need more pizzazz
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its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍
#j.txt#vent#just like. to preface. im not bringing any of this up im just going to stew in it for the night and then move on as per usual#alright disclaimer made now i can get to the point. So. tonight is my close irl friends bday right but she didnt tell me about any plans#so i naturally assumed she was gonna do her own thing and not really celebrate. Ive had work all day and while working get a text frm her#asking if we want to go to this restaurant i introduced our group to for dinner. so i respond saying oh im off at this time if yall want to#go even tho its late i can. Never get a response so i assume theyll bring it up when i get back. get home and no ones here not a word abt#whats going on. i do my usual unwinding get ready to chill etc which takes abt half an hour. she comes back with our other mutual friends#and theyve already gone to the restaurant which is fine i get it. but they get back and say oh now we're going to this themed music night at#a club we've all been to before as soon as (other friend) changes. and then just. dont offer for me to come along or anything and leave.#which like. whatever its happened a hundred times before im used to it but Still. does it not even occur that I might want to participate??#if i had Any notice that this was happening I could have been getting ready instead of slacking around waiting for someone to get home#its so. i try extrememly hard not to be a downer or just invite myself to things bc I Know this is how they all operate but it does still#sting that it feels like im not even thought of if i dont happen to be in the room when plans are being made lol.#and obv I am Not bringing this up rn and ruining what im sure was a really fun night for all of them#its just truly a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation yknow. but such are the whims of fate and i shall endure as always✌️
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help i have such Opinions on translation now
#ok gonna preface this with saying that someone is translating for free and i KNOW that takes so much time and effort and love. and also ther#there are a lot of cultural and contextual footnotes that i really love and wouldn't have been able to figure out myself!#also it seems like the translator's native language is neither chinese NOR english so like. honestly that's really amazing.#so i still really respect what they're doing and am not gonna say anything identifying about this work (it's completely unrelated to tot)#but i've been reading a webnovel fan translation alongside its original chinese version and i guess i'm farther in the 'localization' camp#than i thought. bc this translation leans way too hard into the 'direct translation' of words and phrases and slang#and then with an added footnote explaining what it means. sometimes it's honestly kinda useful from the perspective of wanting to learn the#the language but i don't think it's the right translation choice because there can be several of these per chapter#and the vast majority are not at crucial significant moments when the loss in meaning outweighs the cost of breaking the story flow#and in one instance i saw (the final straw for me) it doesn't even make sense to translate the meaning of the chinese word directly#bc it's not the meaning that matters. the phrase originally came about as a loanword from japanese and a character with a similar pronunciat#pronunciation was used to represent the japanese syllable.#sure this is just one example of an internet slang word that many people might not even know the etymology of and maybe they DO think of the#the meaning of the word now! but still.#i have so many Thoughts now. on how translation is a constant game of balance and sacrifice where the set of 'rules' and expectations change#depending on genre and audience and intention and just individual person!#and -- most relevant to me i guess -- whether it is expected and/or preferrable for fan translations to veer on the side of direct
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#it's very strange #because i often feel like the culmination of those characters arcs #like if the point is they're ace great but like... #the option of lesbianism just *never* occurs #which--and again not to discredit any ace people or ace readings of her work--is such a common lesbian experience! #like myself and a bunch of other lesbians i know had that journey #of going 'hmm i don't like men... guess I'm asexual! (do not ask me about women i will combust)' #like lady bird... whatever #little women... alright i suppose if you wanted to make a comentary on how lma was forced to add the heterosexual romance at the end #and not suggest anything about a real person and also not deviate from the source material #but barbie was insane #the coding was next level #like c'mon birkenstocks??? #and i argue that barbies acceptance of genitalia could be read as an acceptance of sexuality or the very least exploring it #so why isn't she a dyke??? (other than mattel probably giving a hard no on that)
I don’t know, the thing that really bothers me about Greta Gerwig’s films is that there is just this gaping hole where gay women should be. Like, when you’re making these movies about the trap of heterosexual marriage, breaking free of that, and the only concrete answer is to be a single woman over and over and over again, it feels like an intentional absence. You can watch the movie with a queer lens, but it is egregious that you may only consider homosexuality in her movies in this way. It ought to be in them. There is no reason for it not to be there. Women don’t fuck women in Greta Gerwig’s feminist liberations. Often, they don’t have sex at all.
#hi I'm taking kaeden's tags with the lesbian perspective bc I'm gonna add the ace perspective#bc I have Thoughts about this#(preface I have only seen little women and barbie so I'm not gonna talk about lady bird)#1. as an ace person it is very rare that a story is explicitly about a woman being like 'actually it's fine if I don't have a relationship'#2. it is still very weird to not include queerness at all in that story#it's like. do I love to hc jo and barbie as ace? yeah absolutely#do I think that's what greta gerwig intended? honestly no#does it matter? maybe. because she's not putting in queerness in any other way#like sure there's a trans barbie but it's not like they say she's trans or have any comment to make about transness#(not that I am any authority to comment on transness)#and as trans women have pointed out better than me it's very weird to end your film about barbie with#'she's a real girl now that she has a vagina!'#it is interesting because I can understand more having a lesbian reading of jo but I didn't pick up anything lesbian about barbie#and had a total aroace reading of her#but the truth is the film wasn't trying to give her either#and we're all just projecting our own stuff onto it#yes margot robbie has said stuff that supports the ace reading but idk that she knows that's what she's doing beyond 'well she's a doll'#like as much as I enjoy it or make jokes.#and like yeah some (many) of the kens had gay vibes but they didn't actually let any of them be gay#beyond the like winky nod to magic earring ken#idk. I take a lot of issues with the barbie movie from a story perspective#but related to this post I was really hoping it would show Some sort of queerness apart from just accidental stuff we're reading into#or like the existence of kate mckinnon#it feels like greta gerwig knows queer people exist in theory but she doesn't have any interest in including us in stories#except subtly or accidentally#this is getting really long but like. part of being ace for me was being like#well if I'm not straight then I'm gay and if I'm not gay then what am I#which ironically is kinda the reverse of what kaeden said#it's that lesbian ace solidarity baybee#but it's not like greta gerwig's characters are ever even presented the Option to be attracted to women
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vent tw, if you have depression please please just dont interact-
#ok so. to preface this for anyone with depression going past this point. im not gonna be nice. this isnt about you#this isnt about you in particular or how your secretly constantly a burden to everyone you love or how you just cant get it right#its not about having to deal with a person with depression but more how the social climate has made it so its so hard to deal with every#thing. thats all. if you read more do not blame me for feeling bad.#that was your only and last warning#okay so! now that hopefully all my homies with depression out there are ok- it is hard being surrounded by people with depression#sorry like. i am the only one in my imediate family without depression. and its. its hard a lot#like i care so much about these people and yet i cant help them because their either sad or tired or angry or numb most of the time#and i cant do anything. i cant do anything at all. and thats fucked!!!!! i think. sorry i am not one for curing mental illness but i really#really wish there was just a cure for depression so the people i care about could be happy and have energy and be ok#i dont want to constantly worry in the back of my head if what ill say next will lead them to going quiet and sad#or worry about how a few too many wrong moves and a hard time could push them off the edge. i know it wont happen.#but i worry about it constantly especially with the political climate#and i care for them so much and i just wish they could feel happy most of the time. just more than half is enough. more than half#gosh its gotten to the point a sertain tone of voice or someone saying their tired can make me feel bad#like bad enough i need to leave the room and go cry. everyone is alwase tired and i dont know what to do#i feel like a little kid being so sensitive by others emotions- but i cant help it. i cant help it when im surrounded#again this isnt a bash against anyone with depression. this is a bash against depression because of all the pain its given my loved ones#if i could fight depression as a just. thing i would mawl it alive. tooth and nail til all that was left was either bones. cartalige.#blood and flesh that hadent somehow made it into my stomach. and id keep it alive for a long as i could as i killed it#it would suffer 10 times the amount its made others suffer if i could. i can be a cruel bitch and i will if i ever got the chance.#and u h ya! sorry lil bit of silly moment i am just. sick of the tired. if i could id honestly never hear the phrase im tired again
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Heya :)
Questions from the OC/MC ask game for both Leaje and Medea!
General Info 04 (for both) What kind of magic do they possess? If they can't use any, do they have magic potential slumbering within them?
Demon 11 (for Leraje, + Medea if they live in the Devildom) What is their opinion of Diavolo as a ruler? Have they experienced the reign of any other demon kings? How does Diavolo compare in their opinion?
Human 02 (for Medea) Are they immortal? If given the opportunity, would they like to be?
hello!! thank you for asking (and for making the questions)! <3 ive had this trapped in my drafts forever but truly thank u for picking out the absolute perfect questions for my ocs, this covers like almost all their important points!!
LERAJE
general info 04 - what kind of magic do they possess?
this is the perfect question for her because most of her characterisation revolves around her specialisation and obsession with illusion magic. i once described her as an "illusion junkie" and that really sums it up. nothing you ever perceive about her is real. not her appearance, where she's looking, where she's standing, what she's doing - there's a sequence i had planned with her where barbatos is visiting her house, and from her perspective we keep hearing barbatos react to things she describes as simply "happening" - sometimes at a distance - as things she's personally "doing". like barbatos thanking her for opening the door and making tea but she hasn't moved an inch since he first rang the doorbell and the tea isn't even real. it's possible, if they make an active effort, for diavolo, barbatos, and maybe lucifer to see through her illusions to a certain extent, but for things like this its more effort than its worth so they usually dont contest her. the first person to see through her without even trying is mc, which is how she joins the player's harem lol
demon 11 - what is their opinion of diavolo as a ruler? have they experienced the reign of any other demon kings? how does diavolo compare in their opinion?
in the lore i originally had for her she was made subordinate by the previous demon king. she and another demon (who was older than her and groomed her, so to speak, into doing everything they wanted) had been causing havoc using her naturally strong illusion magic, and the one who put an end to it was diavolo's father. she was given the option to assimilate and chose so easily bc subordination is all shes ever known anyway. gets a lot more free reign under the king though, and uses it to figure out her own life. which is mostly solitary. since barbatos was the king's butler back then she respects him and she answers to diavolo when he calls, but there's not exactly any deep loyalty there.
MEDEA
general info 04 - what kind of magic do they possess?
she has the jack of all trades energy solomon and mc both have going, but her real specialisation is/was healing magic. her master once described her power as selfish. she could heal herself easily, but it was much harder for her to heal others. later on she took to potionmaking as a career, with a sidegig as a cursehunter which provided her with materials for the antique shop she runs as a cover for her potionselling in the human world. the cursehunting turns out to be the most profitable and famous part of her career. ("oh! youre that cursebreaker!" "no, i sell potions.") when she's reverted to her younger self, the selfhealing and some of the potionmaking are the only things she retains. cursehunting is a lost skill. (the selfhealing comes up in my dual-mc story where shes the one belphie kills, and well... it just doesnt take. she heals faster than he can kill her.)
demon 11 - what is their opinion of diavolo as a ruler? have they experienced the reign of any other demon kings? how does diavolo compare in their opinion?
diavolo's the only ruler of the devildom she's witnessed. regarding the case with lilith she probably affords him some respect... but after her own circumstances get muddled and diavolo uses them for his own benefit theres mixed feelings. medea isnt called into the exchange program on her own merits. since shes surrendered all her greater powers, shes no longer the solomon-esque great witch, but rather a nobody with nothing, not even as unique as mc. but she was the last of leraje's pactbearers and with her in diavolo's debt so too would leraje be, which is why she's brought into the program.
human 02 - are they immortal?
ohhh man. she is and she hates it. it was a curse, actually. this part im pretty sure doesnt hold up in canon but - basically, when lilith becomes human, she meets medea. medea and her witch coven (the helia, a sanctuary for witches who were once human, united under the hope that the sun will shine on them one day) take her in. this draws god's ire, and for that they are punished with very personal curses. medea - a selfish healer who can only cure herself and no one else - is cursed with immortality, doomed to be the last of her people, watching them die out helplessly, a living record of their crime. could always be adapted into a less extreme scenario where it's just a byproduct of their cursehurting adventures tho lol but that significantly lowers the impact of her storyline which involves "trading" her immortality over to lilith. so actually she isnt, shes gone to great pains to not be.
#hi hi i know this is like OLD old i just got hit with oc brainwaves tonight and had to finish this#ty again for the ask and the questions i'm probably gonna pick some more to answer later <33 feels nice to just put them out somewhere#even if i have to preface everything with Not Canon Lore Compliant lollll#nadi talks#not putting this under a readmore bc i dont think anyone still follows this blog...? theres long post cutoffs in feed now anyway
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Starting Empire of Storms right now!!!
#Empire of Storms#EoS#TOG#TOG series#Throne of Glass#Throne of Glass series#Sarah J. Maas#Maasverse#SJM#Sarah J Maas#read along#read with me#first read#currently reading#reading reacts#thoughts while reading#tbr#no spoilers please#let’s fandom about it#here we go#bookaversary#can’t wait#never want it to end#fangirl problems#fangirl life#hardcore shipping rowaelin I think imma ship Lysandra x Aedion curious bout Nesryn waiting 4 Yrene needing Manorian joy obsessed w all dem#I adore Fleetfoot & Evangeline & also Abraxos & need everyone to meet & be happy & I’m worried & excited & avoiding spoils but know 2 much#intrigued & worried over Erowan & Morath but hopeful since no more King worried over witches hoping for Elide can’t wait for Terrasen court#gonna be interesting how it reads since library said no tandem lol I want to know more & also want them happy & 2 never end & just gotta go#so empire of storms new & old characters Elena preface Elide opening whatever Lorcan & Maeve r plotting 17 days ish let's go read now yayah
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#wanna preface with im safe#but fuck do i hate life right now#i have no reason to just.....#actually thats a fucking lie#just tired of being surrounded by people but feeling so alone#just wanna be held without any expectations of anything...#just want a *hug*#but not one of those short quick hugs#one where the other person doesnt let go until im ready so i can just.....feel wanted for just a minute or two#so i can not feel like a fucking mistake#and not feel like an absolute waste of space and breath#just......just wanna feel loved and wanted...#i dunno....#last few days have been especially hard and i feel like fucking breaking#this is gonna sound so fucking stupid too but#i found a way to bunch my blankets up behind my back and it feels like im being held#and then i can at least trick my brain a little bit...#echo has a breakdown on main
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Oh oh ohhhh loardy i think the emotions are crashing around in me like 2 plastic easter eggs filled with mung beans(tiktok hoes will unnasand) like they bouncin AROUND in here. I'm fucking fighting for my life rn
#preface. im OKAY. its just been a very very long day of purposefully managing my emotions and work and#it was just a lot of stuff. i was happy most of the day just as i was. but it took effort not to let people ruin it#customers are fucking mean. managers are disrespectful and unforgiving. i made a mistake when i first got there#and they ganged up on me and teased me. and I'm still coming down from getting pretty triggered#i wasnt out for feeling that bad memory but like. i switched out to help cover it so. blitz could go inside and cry#but its. fine im. dealing with it. im about to knock myself outtttt like im gonna go the fuck to sleep#i want rest but i have work again in like. 10 hours or something. so i HAVE to sleep now#because tomorrow is not a rest day.#system babbles#vent#I guess whatever man.#fizz
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She's just like me fr (crying, screaming, throwing up, etc)
#went to the hairdresser to get my hair dyed asked for coppery red yknow an orange with a bit of red going on a ginger basically#came home with my hair a cool toned red#girl thats so extremely Not What I Asked For#im flipping between “its so over” and “we're so back” like my life depends on it#i had a shower and some whisky and im stable now but like#ive gotta start prefacing hair appointments with “by the way if you fuck this up i *will* have a month long breakdown about it for real”#yes i paid full price i was there for three hours and its not even bad its just Not What I Asked For#once its faded a bit im just gonna fix it with henna or something
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#let me preface this w saying i believe theres merit in all artistic endeavors and that people are allowed to enjoy what they enjoy without#paying indulgences#now that thats out of the way. GODDDDD I FUCKING HATE THE REDWHITEBLUE BOOK AND SHOW GODDDDDDDDDDD#GIRL HELP. WHY WOULD YOU *CARE* TO WRITE THAT... TO FILM IT... TO ACT IN IT...#oppressed people should be allowed to make bad art like privileged people have been doing for ages but GOD. why would you pick THAT#and the fact im seeing people blog about it... i have blocked so many people already but my blocking finger still itches#its just such a fucking stupid premise. literally gayl-r levels of makes me want to vomit from how stupid it is#ok rant over im gonna go think about nicey things now
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𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐈𝐓 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑
➸ PAIRING: Lieutenant Simon 'Ghost' Riley x gn medic!Reader (same reader from here, but this is a stand-alone) ➸ SUMMARY: You kiss Simon's very minor injuries. And then some. (Or, alternatively: He's not actually wounded. He just wants to see you.) ➸ WARNING(S): some graphic descriptions of old injuries ➸ A/N: Need to preface that this isn't smut despite how the title and summary sound. Anyways, Jo knows I listened to Hozier's Other Voices 2020 version of "Work Song" for a week straight while writing this. ➸ WC: 2k
❝ 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐍' 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃, ❞ he admits, low-timbered. It feels intimate, especially coming from him. Simon's sitting on the cot; it sags under his weight. He curls his hands over the edge of it as he leans forward. No casualties post-mission means he's got free rein to pick wherever he wants in the medical tent.
"Oh, yeah? What about?"
"That I should probably do my best to avoid injuries so I don’t keep pestering you. Can always just tell me to fuck off, y’know.”
“You’re gonna break my heart if you stop coming around.
“Mm,” he says in agreement. “Can’t have that can we?”
You nod your head earnestly. “I like your company.”
“Tryin’ to say that you’ll miss me?”
“I would.” More than he knows.
It’s routine now. He gives you just enough room, adjusting his position. You step into the space made between Simon’s splayed knees, his massive legs nearly bracketing yours with how close they are. He’s bigger than you. Well, considerably more mammoth-like in his proportions compared to an overwhelming majority of the soldiers that you’ve encountered, to be quite honest.
Simon acts as though he’s acutely aware of his size. You suspect that he purposefully makes himself smaller in your presence. Like now, how his shoulders are rounded forward, the column of his spine not as straight-arrow in that standard, militaristic posture most servicemen have adopted. As if he doesn’t want to appear too intimidating. Not that Simon could, to you. Hours doing his stitches and idle chitchat on your part have taught you that he’s much less ruthless than people seem to paint him as. But you appreciate the thought anyway.
You conduct the assessment – a typical evaluation normal for combat casualty care, more in-depth than the one you’d done when he initially stopped by and you did a quick once-over for any obvious injuries. Though given the complete vacancy in the medical tent, you find it hard to believe that you’ll come across anything on him since the mission went that smoothly.
The first thing you notice this time: he doesn't smell like spilled blood. It's different. Not that sweet, rusted iron of wet tackiness – the one that reminds you of a generous stack of two pence coins held between a pair of hands cupped together. He comes in that way a lot. Reeks, because war means that he's no stranger to charging through a shower of copper and lead-forged bullets out on the field. Everything else is still there, though. Maybe a dying campfire – crackling logs and blackened earth. Soft dirt excavated from a foxhole for cover while under enemy fire. All gunpowder and Marlboro Lights and diesel-fuel smoke. Fresh rain and a blue-violet sky after a storm. Victory without consequence.
You'd breathe it in if you could, pull the collar of his jacket up to your face. At this proximity, it’d be easy.
He drops the act when he’s in front of you. Lieutenant. Ghost. Battle-hardened, gruff. A natural-born leader. The kind of person to rip this world apart brick by brick – scraped up palms clutching onto broken pieces – to make sure that the plan is executed accordingly, no matter the cost. It’s hard for him to shed that layer. A drop in the bucket of information that you’ve gathered about this man.
You’ve seen him at his best. But you know him at his worst.
The laundry list of injuries over the years: blows to his torso and his back and his limbs that were brighter than technicolor – purples and reds and sickly yellow-green shades – deep, blotchy medals of violence decorating his skin like some kind of fucked-up kaleidoscope that was nothing to be proud of; when some bastard drove a knife right into his upper thigh, that dirty blade wedged through tissue and muscle which was sure as hell going to induce the nastiest infection without serious TLC and a tetanus shot; rib fractures 7-9 because he aborted an exploding heli, seconds to spare before landing on his side wrong from a height that was equivalent to three stories tall; old GSWs dotting his body the same way you’d shove push pins into a paper-flimsy map to mark the places you’ve been to.
And then there’s no contest for the top contender. 𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭'𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐈𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐭 #𝟏: when he was rushed in on a stretcher, barely clinging to life. Lower abdomen shredded by exploding shrapnel. He was outside of the window of opportunity. Too far beyond that golden hour, so his chances of surviving plummeted to a single-digit percent.
He’s more than just a patchwork of scars. There’s a complex person underneath the surface. A miracle in the flesh to have toughed it out through all of that. Resilient. Perpetual. His callsign makes sense. Ghosts really do live forever.
Several seconds pass before you speak again. It’s a silly comment, teasing – poking fun at him. You don’t have any reservations when it comes to picking on Simon; he’s good about taking these things in stride. Funny, actually. He’s got a dry sense of humor. “I think… you like the idea of someone taking care of you.”
His response isn’t immediate. It’s delayed, said with intention. He doesn’t ever waste words. “Not just anybody.”
You nearly reel back at that. Warmth floods your face. You aren’t quite sure what to say, didn’t expect it. So you let the comment hang in the air between the two of you, busying your hands with slipping off his tac vest, triple-checking for hidden wounds, doing anything to keep yourself occupied while you stand this close to him in the wake of that remark. You’re engrossed in your work, in search of a distraction.
(He’s a distraction, isn’t he?)
And then your eyes stop in their scan. Right there: a small nick on the exposed sliver of skin between his glove and sleeve – open to the direct path of some wayward debris that happened to graze him. So tiny. You’ve seen paper cuts more harrowing than this – wouldn’t have even registered on your radar, especially if it’s being dwarfed by other critical wounds that hold decisive sway over somebody’s fate when it comes to your average life-or-death scenario.
Of course, you take your job very seriously.
You feign a sharp inhale. “Ah,” you say solemnly, guiding his arm up to your face for a closer look. “Found your problem.”
“I’ve got a problem,” he echoes, voice laced with amusement.
“See, you came to the right place. Anybody else would’ve missed it.”
“The verdict, then?”
“So terrible. Earth-shattering, in fact—”
Simon starts pulling away. “Alright, that’s enough of you takin’ the piss outta me,” he gripes.
You chase his arm to recapture it into your grasp. “Wait!” you say, huffing out a laugh. Your mouth sprouts into a wide grin that makes him roll his eyes.
“You gonna treat me or what?”
Your humor bubbles away as you come back to your senses. Those once-loud peals of laughter start to die down when you take his question into consideration. Because there’s really nothing for you to do; he doesn’t need you.
The realization is slow-moving. It washes over you, rolls like waves as you finally begin to sober up.
Simon wants to be here, and he’s looking for any excuse to stay. He just can’t find the courage to own up to it.
“I dunno. Might be unconventional,” you throw out casually, playing along. “Risky, maybe – never been done before.”
But he’s undeterred. “Sure. Whatever you gotta do.”
You pause for a beat, fingers still wrapped around his forearm because you haven’t managed to let go yet. His skin is warm under your palm. You’re not sure what exactly possesses you to do it – emboldened by his encouragement, given complete carte blanche; he’s leaving this to your discretion. So you press your lips to that area where the cut is, right over his pulse point. If you had lingered for longer, you probably would’ve been able to feel it thudding, that solid rhythm and easy strength reminding you he’s alive.
You expected him to withdraw his arm in bewilderment. He should’ve kicked up a fuss about you violating his boundaries, should’ve told you that you overstepped. Something, right?
But he doesn’t do any of that. Simon’s studying you. Dark pupils. So chasm-deep that the ground beneath your feet might slip away. Ocean trenches, midnight-black like the charcoal smudged around his eyes. When they land on you, his gaze goes molasses-soft. He’s fond; there’s little room for doubt. The way he looks at you says everything. None of that usual coldness he harbors during an op. Instead, relaxed and more human than you’re used to seeing – all of his attention focused solely on you.
“Where else, Simon?” you whisper.
He’s thinking – carefully weighing his options – the same expression that he gets when a crossroads lies ahead of him and he knows his make-it-or-break-it decision will invariably affect the outcome of a mission.
After several moments, his hand comes up. Simon’s fingers curl underneath the hem of his mask; he’s been wearing the fabric balaclava more often since you’ve fixed the stitching on it. Then he lifts – not the entire way. Just to reveal the bottom half of his face. There he is. Sandpaper-rough stubble. The sharp cut of his jaw. A mouth that you’re convinced wears a scowl 24/7 behind his mask but is now slightly twitched up.
Even though you’ve seen it before, the sight of him never fails to steal your breath away. Feels like meeting him for the first time again. With how rarely he does this, it might as well be – that slow, heart-melting sensation is steadily filling the cavern of your chest.
And you lean in. Your lips brush against his; it’s a chaste thing – the kiss – if it can be called that. Gentle. Like how you’d stitch up his wounds with a light touch and kind intent. He’s built of sterner stuff, but if there’s anything you’ve learned about him, it’s that he’s capable of breaking just as easily as everyone else. You always handle Simon with care: unequivocal compassion and empathy when there’s so little of those left on this side of war – privileges that he’s never taken for granted.
“Better?” you ask quietly, tipping your head in question.
Simon hums his approval – this pleased, low sound in his throat. His hand slides across your lower back. He tugs you towards him. “Wouldn’t mind some more attention,” he murmurs, before slotting his mouth over yours. And then he kisses you like it might heal him from the outside in.
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