#just found this in my drafts idk how i forgot 2 post this

[norikuna]

hey mamas 🙇‍♀️ for the “get to know your fic writer” — 3 , 4 , 6 , 11 (cause i need YOU to put me on YOUR fics 🤭) , 13 , 16 (cause im nosy….) , 21 , 23 & 24 (help a hg out), 25 (so i can glaze you), 32 , 39 , 59 , 60 , 64 , 65 (!!!)

okay i’ll get out of here now…

HEYY 🤩 ...i got this notif earlier and saw the no. of questions and decided to eat dinner first bc i needed to be SEATED and with my laptop out ❤️ you came to the right place bc im president and mayor of yap city

— 3. describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

i have like a little template in my drafts with my basic layout (like title, prologue, warnings, pairing etc and so on) and i just keep it to copy and paste for a new fic. and underneath the header and info section, i just outline messy dot points. and each dot point gets turned into a few paragraphs or a scene. and i always have some typa thesaurus open 😭

— 4. where do you find inspiration for ideas

oouh!! mostly song titles i think, i always use them as a jumping point. or actually i really love pinterest, and web-weaving type of posts when it comes to themes i wanna explore (mostly in sfw fics, as opposed to like short smut) 😁

— 6. do you have your work beta'd / how is this important to your process?

nope 😭 my drafts are always super messy and all over the place and im always a little self conscious esp since i jump between ideas and dialogue. BUT i am always yapping in peoples dms and talking abt ideas anyway or getting dialogue checked for clarity...

— 11. link your three favourite fics rn

omg! rent-a-dilf by @screampied i found it sooo charming and effortlessly engaging and also super fun even tho i've never played the sims.

i forgot to like this and add it to my queue so i took an hour to find this particular one, but what you know by @starmapz sukuna and reader are so well characterised and incredibly written! i also loved little yuuji and choso's cameos :(

and they were roommates by @sugoroo i loved it so bad, so EXCELLENT and the tension and smut had me on the edge of my seat. choso's made me laugh 😭

— 13. whats a common writing tip you always follow?

honestly it feels like a cop-out answer but i always try to remember 'unlearn shame' in my head. like when im writing, like for no reason, i get a bit embarrassed or self aware or im overthinking a sentence?? i just have to remember that it is just never that deep....😭

however, a better answer i think would be that for 99% of my fics (so excluding very short fluff, or straight up jackhammering smut) i always always do worldbuilding first. my favourite authors are j.r.r tolkien and george rr martin so middle earth/westerosi levels of high fantasy are massive inspirations when it comes to the grand scheme of creating a world for my characters to interact in.

also i rlly love mythology, folktales and medieval history so they always play a role in how i write or treat common themes. i think its super interesting and poignant at how some stories survive thousands of years and resonate across different cultures, and they remain classics for a reason <333 if that makes sense

like okay say! even in fics that aren't a part of some royal/fantasy/myth au right, like idk say im writing about gojo dying (rip king 😰) its obviously set within the jjk world in 2018, but i would try to see how the following works express the same theme of grief, battle, leaving a loved one behind:

the death of sigurd in the volsunga saga in norse myths

patroclus and achilles in the illiad

a medieval french epic called the song of roland, where roland's death is felt so strongly by his fiancee that she dies

tristan and isolde (tristan being mortally wounded n knowing that he will leave isolde behind, and she succumbs to grief)

the japanese folklore tale of the warrior tomoe gozen, and how she mourns her lord and lover

— 16. how many fic ideas are u nurturing? share one of them!

29! at the moment 😭 and watch me genuinely write like...2... but one of them that i havent even drafted much out yet, towards the end of the list is like geto x reader long fic (prob will have smut bc 😇) but its gonna be an alternative universe where reader is considered a saint/icon/mouthpiece of the gods and he's been marked for death (a warrior? or smth idk)

— 21. would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

i've never done it before but ofc! is this the start of user curtins and user creamflix collab.....

— 23. best writing advice for other writers?

sometimes u have to make sure you're sitting on your own and reading that dialogue out loud, or mouthing it. i'm writing shit and then speaking it afterwards. and i cant even stand to hear it bc no way would anyone ever say that.

— 24. worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

you can't start a sentence with 'and' like wtf okay....who said that. english is made up, all words are made up no one gaf if its not proper english, im allowed to do desi repatriations like this ig

— 25. what fic do you wish you got more of a response one?

hmm honestly, i did have an answer for this at first like 'oh yeah this one xyz i wish it got more notes' but that being said i feel like there's none that i feel truly flopped on par with how im improving writing and getting more comfortable. but! if i had to choose: goo goo muck #1 with the minotaur au because i rlly put some thought into how i could incorporate sukuna, yuji, and yuji's execution with the myth of the beast trapped in the maze.

and ditto! i think its my longest fic so far 😭 and it took me so long to plan out a timeline from childhood to gojo's death

— 32. name three of your favourite fanfic writers?

it would be poor form and incredibly remiss of me to not say user @creamflix 🤭 i really love how ur dialogue flows, and the way you describe scenes make me feel like i'm really there (a+ for me)

also @tonycries simply because every time i try my hand at smut, it takes me 4 days to think of something new, and i'm always wondering on how to reword shit so i'm not writing the same thing over and over, but they keep it soooo fresh and new with every fic and soooo well written!!

@kurooh i always find their smut fics sooo creative and fun, and their recent double fantasy fic was SAUUUUUR good!

— 39. share a snippet from a wip!

nay! mind you, this isn't even proofread so its still incredibly basic and thesaurus.com has not come out....but i tried a mildly different inspo approach and header. its very backstory and angst based for sukuna regarding his childhood, but sweet at the end i promise :(( IM CRYING. im seeing mistakes in this already, but i needed to give uraume my they/them baddie a cameo later in it

— 59. does anyone in your personal life know that you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

im cryinggggg. def not, unfortunately i can't let this get in the way of the public brand #coolgirl but it would go something like this

— 60. have you had a writer that you admire comment on your fic?

🫡 @madamechrissy who's writing my fave bridgerton fic, with duke!gojo commented on my vacation fic and i really did a giggle and kick in the air 😭

— 64. something you love to see in smut?

hmmmm my favourite thing is like when it isn't just pure smut if that makes sense, like setting, atmosphere, or cute banter is incorporated or clever wordplay. like you can feel the vibe of like where its set idk 😭

— 65. tell us what you're most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project?

i really want to improve and become more confident in different genres, like better smut that flows more without me having to stop and stare at a wall for ten minutes each time, or super cute fluff <333333

[jovenshires]

AO3 Wrapped for Writers 2023

no one tagged me, i just wanted to do this so i found a format and added to it a little bit. anybody who wants to do this is welcome to say i tagged them <3<3<3 or don't just do it bc its fun and silly <3<3<3

EDIT: i saw like yesterday (days after i drafted this) that @lilac-hecox did this first so MAJOR credit to lilac for doing it first!!

Works Published: 12

Word Count: 144,428

Hits: 7,769

Bookmarks: 111

Most Popular by Kudos: right where you left me (damien/shayne, rated teen and up, 24k words, 141 kudos)

Most Hits: the right side of my neck (still smells like you) (spencer/tommy, rated teen and up, 3k words, 1k hits)

Longest: if we keep score (spencer/tommy soccer au, rated mature, 52k words)

Shortest: he said baby (that's what he called me) (spencer/tommy, rated general audiences, 2k words)

Most Comments: right where you left me with 42 comments

Most Memorable Comment: honestly every comment i got was insanely sweet and everything to me but. i have to give it to my fave fic analyst, @wallpaper-inside-my-heart for every comment she has ever left, but especially the one about the hands. i won't post it all here but here's a snippet:

so… how long does it take katie to mention hands in each of her fics? Well, let’s get right into it 1.) the moon and the stars: first mention roughly 1k words in, handholding ensues (relatively mild stuff) total hand count : 12 2.) the right side of my neck hand mention right in the description, we are starting of strong! and only 571 words until the first hand grab! total hand count: 20, 5 of those include hand to hand contact with eachother 3.) baby, you’re a haunted house ah, I forgot that I also contributed to the hand agenda aka mentioned directly in the prompt 33 words until hand mention in the fic!! your personal record, I believe <3 in total 19 hand mentions, 8 of which directly related to hand holding 😹💕 4.) baby, that’s what he called me 927 words until the first hand mention, I would say you are holding back again; but it does include tommy soothing spencer so only 8 hand mentions?? however most of them include skin contact and comfort so… my point still stands 5.) they lost their minds 442 words until first hand mention, we are getting lower again! 16 hand mentions, half of which include skin contact 🫶 6.) i could be the reason 824 words until amengela get their first hand mention! 15 hand mentions, 6 of which include contact! definitely much less hand focused than your prior fics, but it’s still there! 7.) ‘til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours I mean… it’s literally in the title this time 😹 it does take almost 2222 words until the first actual hand mention; however, it is once again the initiation of hand-holding! said handholding makes up 80% of the hand mentions in this fic, with the remaining two including skin contact as well 8.) rwylm I open this fic, search for “hand” and then just stare at that 58 for a little while 😹😹💕 now it does take 914 words until the first one is mentioned and upon further inspection, the lack of physical contact in those hand mention reflects the loneliness Shayne feels in this fic so well! tho I love that a couple of them are ppl reaching out to Shayne as comfort! 🥹 and then the 9 hand touches initiated by Damien + the single one by Shayne!! → feeling slightly insane about this rn 💜 9.) sunflower 384 words until hands make their first appearance! 26 hand mentions; out of those only 5 of those include direct contact between our heroes, which feels very fitting for a secret identity fic! <3 10.) domo katie… idk how to tell you this… but there are 70 hand mentions in this (53, excluding verbs that contain the word, etc.) and you know full well that the first one makes an appearance in the second sentence of this (absolutely amazing) fanfic now how many of those mentions are spencer just thinking about tommy’s hands, you may ask? 30 mentions or rather 57% of the total count! → the last mention is literally even more HEARTBREAKING in this context!!, I feel the need to underline that again!

Fic that made me cry: oh.... right where you left me AND dancing on my own (spencer/tommy, rated teen and up, 21k words)

Fic that made me smile: sunflower (spencer/tommy spiderman au, rated teen and up, 12k words) got some good chuckles outta me!

Main character I wrote: spencer agnew (9 works) followed by tommy bowe (8 works) and shayne topp (6 works)

Top tropes: first kiss (6 works), established relationship (4 works), and pining (4 works)

Gifts: blue christmas for nat and we can leave the christmas lights up 'til january for stella (technically baby, you're a haunted house was Also for stella though i didn't know it at the time xoxo)

Collaborations: none this year..... maybe 2024? haha jk.............. unless?

Events: also none this year. maybe ill organize an event in 2024. once again haha jk...................................... unless?

thank you for coming along on my fic renaissance!! see you next year,,,, ive got BIG things planned <3<3<3

[yourlocalstranger123]

Request is closed(dead)

��️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

—EVENT—

!¡Masterlist!¡

RULES + info about me

NEW IMPORTANT RULE: PLEASE TELL ME IF UR A MINOR OR NOT IN YOUR REQUESTS, I DONT WANNA TRUAMATIZE ANOTHER ONE 😭 (bc either I forget to put all warnings/correct tags or put some smut or slightly sus pictures.) ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Edit: advanced apologies. I absolutely do not know how to lock my NSFW fics. And I might not have put specific warnings like, I put some bad words in it. I'm really sorry, I'll still try my best, tho.

Edit: Hello! Sorry if you found one of my posts, and it didn't have credit to the pictures. Sorry, sometimes I forgot while writing to put credit, and since every time I post, I delete the pictures. Storage problems 🥲

I'm so very, VERY shitty with my Grammer 💔

Please be very specific with your ask bc I'm a dumb little shi- I mean a bit...behind in my brain. Like what theme: angst, fluff, etc.

I prefer if you ask for part 2 in the requests and saying which writings, but doing in the comments is just fine.

I DO NOT PROOF-READ OR STUFF LIKE THAT. AM VERY SORRY 🥲

Draft limits: 10.

I usually make the reader doesn't have a gender/specific gender or just do both genders. I also like dom reader so ahem...so like yeah, if you wanna do like (???) x reader and you don't want a dom one then tell me :D

(Again, I do mostly dom reader but can do sub reader <3)

I do some stuff like yandere, obsession behavior, etc. But reminder: I do not support this in real life. Just in fiction. I hope you understand, I'm not like bad or anything 😅

I've seen some people who like a character but they are like younger than 18 and either they don't know it or they look older for their age. So I'll allow it as long as the character isn't too young, like under the 15's, and I'll gladly age them up for any reason, although in some cases , I might decline so I apologize for that.

What Fandom I do

I can do anyone or something. Oh, even manga/manwha/manhua

But the fandom I'm mostly familiar with is:

1. Genshin

2. Obey me

3. Honkai star rail

4. Hazbin hotel

5. Jujutsu kaisen

6. MHA (I'm not actively in it, but I still kinda know most stuff in it, and I'd still do any requests from it).

But again, I can do anything. Well, anything I'm able to do properly.

(Unless you ask me about a character that exists, but I don't know them. Might take a while BUT!! I'll still do it because you guys are my lovely requesters ♡)

What I do not allow

I honestly don't know yet. No one has requested anything I don't allow. (Except for my friends, but I forgot what they said so...)

Warning:

This is an like idk, a blog that has 18+ things. If you don't feel comfortable, I'm sorry. I have some fluff in here, but uh... yeah- anyway, my super close (and some what hºrny) friends have access to my account, so if there's a post about anything weird or something, I swear it's not me. (I hate to admit it, but they're scary, and if you're reading this, my friend, please stay from me. I have holy water, you demonic, spawn of Satan, and uhhhh scary chihuahua lookin thing. <3)

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. . . Anyways I welcome you with open arms.

[deepbutdazzlingdarkness]

I think @kennyomegasweave tagged me in this OTP meme like...months ago? And I just found it half-finished in my drafts and decided to actually get it done.

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore? 20s, not my teens, but I used to be utterly obsessed with Jack/Kent from Check Please and now, IDEK what happened. I still love them, but I have old fic I saved and never read and can't bring myself to care anymore. IDK it makes me sad.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one? Hmm probably Betsy/Joe from the Betsy Tacy series or Anne/Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables? My first ships when I actually got into fandom were Sawyer/Kate and Sara/Grissom from CSI.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple? Magnus/Alec!!! I never thought I would write fic and then I watched season 1 of Shadowhunters and banged out (lol) 7 fics and almost 30k of porn in less than 2 months in 2016. They all have an insane number of hits (like. the highest has 54,878 hits and the lowest has 15,836 hits.........) and I still get kudos on them almost every day, it's wild.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over? Genuinely no idea, but the first one in my fan art tag is Katniss/Peeta from 2012 <3

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse? My first instinct whenever I see someone talk about something I don't like is to mute/block, so perhaps not actively, but I'm sure I have at some point.

6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently? LOL. Yes. I still fucking HATE Jack/Kate from Lost and always will. Also Dan/Blair from Gossip Girl. Lately...I'm such a multi-shipper but I gotta say Kate/Anthony from Bridgerton bc I've genuinely had to restrain myself from bitching about how much I hate them SO many times since s3 came out lol.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read? I finished a rewatch of Beyond Evil last night so I've been rereading some of my old bookmarks bc I've read almost everything that's out there 😔. Shout out to the masterpiece simple & clean by whir.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs? So many!!! Taemin/Kai is still my #1, but also Juwon/Dongsik from Beyond Evil, PatPran from Bad Buddy (it took me several episodes to actually get into the show but once I did I cried...so much over them and how much they love each other LOL), KunTen from WayV, Louis/Lestat...I feel kinda bad that I don't have a major current f/f OTP but I'm literally checking my kpop tags multiple times a week for rule 63 fic and most of my current WIPs are rule 63 f/f so there's that. (Two KunTen including what hopefully is gonna be a long one, plus a Jigyu I started yesterday for a fest that I'm hoping I'll be able to get done - not because of the length, but because I've never written Seventeen before)

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together? So many??? I feel like I have to say Dean/Cas.......Lee/Kara never really got together so them for sure. Sawyer/Kate from Lost even though I 100% choose to believe they got together post-canon pre-flash-sideways. Oh my god I'm looking through my "forever bitter" tag and it's a lot of Cooper/Audrey from Twin Peaks as I expected, but I forgot about Mini/Franky from Skins. and ABSOLUTELY THEM. Everything about series 5 was terrible but that especially.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting? IDK I feel like I don't usually change my mind like that. I wouldn't go as far as saying "kind of interesting" but I guess I don't hate Bree/Roger from Outlander AS much on the show as I did in the books lol.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? Hmm...Cesare/Lucrezia maybe? If not them almost definitely Norma/Dylan from Bates Motel LOL.

12. What was your favorite crack ship? I was gonna say I couldn't remember any that truly fit this definition, but then I remembered the Kent Parson/Claude Giroux series #dirtbags and that was great. Actually no my real answer is Syd/Richie from The Bear. Now *I* don't think it's a crackship but they have that vibe.

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of? Here's a side by side view of my most bookmarked ships vs the tags I have saved rn on my front page. Unfortunately you can only have 20 but I think it's a pretty good representation. (Other than the ENHA ship, where I legit don't know anything about them or frankly even what they look like, but that tag produces so much incredible unhinged porn that I read canon-blind.)

14. What most of your ships usually have in common? I feel like I have several different ~types, but: friends to lovers, I LOVE bicker-y couples, age gap relationships, especially when one of them is a mentor-ish figure, and power dynamics in general.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship? Nice Guy characters, whether they're a guy or a girl. The OG example is Xander (duh) and Chloe from Smallville but you also see it with characters like Sol on My Stand In...there's def more things I hate but that's one of most major ones for me.

[constellama]

part 2: my proposed additions/fixes:

jon as jimmy. wet paper bag of a man (← real thing jimmy has been referred to as on stream)

james as bdubs. let him be a sassy little shit like bdubs

corey (dorris) as bigb. let him be Creepy and also so so sad /positive

kim as cleo. i don't need to say anything else. the "do me a favor" scene from last life with kim, mariah and corey? BYE I'M GONE I'M TOO GAY

digging deep for this one: rachael as gem. she deserves to look cute and go apeshit

aj as skizz. that's all

denise would also be iconic as gem tbh

the secretkeeper is either meredith or clark. whichever one isn't secretkeeper is the voice of the watchers

ANGELA. ANGELA AS JOEL. TRUST ME DUDE

jae as etho. i fuckin love the idea of that

also rotating joey as ren but who would be mumbo in that case?

will as jimmy could also be really funny

FOUND THIS POST IN MY DRAFTS UM. IM SO SORRY I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS 🙏

Part 2 to this post!

- you’re so correct. He just exudes the Constantly Losing energy

- YES absolutely 10/10 no notes

- this would work SO well especially with wild life yesss

- YES YES YES SHE WOULD SLAY

- ohhhh,,, oh this is perfect

- I don’t think I’ve seen enough of aj’s acting but I am trusting you on this !!

- ONCE AGAIN YES

- Meredith as secretkeeper would slay SO hard if you consider her energy as Jacob Marley in vhscc. Idk how to explain it but the vibe is there

- ANGELA AS JOEL YES IM TRUSTING YOU. something something Grace Chasity, the murderous energy here. Do you see what I mean

- this is so perfect YES

- Joey as Ren,, I can kinda see it. I’m trusting your vision

- Oh Will as Jimmy would be SO FUN. Jimmy dying all the time and max jagerman falling down three flights of stairs and dying are the same genre of comedy

[m1ckeyb3rry]

That answers my question I just completely forgot to send it in omfg I CANNOT let myself get distracted while replying anymore I literally like almost deleted this note thinking I already sent it in goodbye.

But anyways….……

LMFAOOO THANK YOU I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT!!! You’ll be the first to know if I ever actually start using it HAHA honestly you’d probably end up answering some boomer like tumblr questions of mine bc I’m ngl why’s there sm on this platform HAHA now that I think about it though I straight up just don’t post anywhere maybe I should start changing that…..

NO SO TRUE because I just KNOW they’re picking the juiciest stories like I’m not scrolling through that subreddit myself HAHA

Just doing my part for the Karasu community!!! Gotta kick start it somewhere yk hopefully I’m inspiring people to talk and request Karasu more often!!!! LMAO wait that’s actually kinda crazy though HAHAHA I guess the Hiori requester sniffed out your secret side character vibes before I did smh….lowk that is interesting though?? Ok my thought process was definitely 1) ok she knows Kaiser so she’s def read the manga 2) she has no character limits so I’m just gonna shoot my shot (it worked out in the best possible way omg) I’ve def seen blogs that only write for the main characters ****itoshis but a good amount of them do out only a specific handful of characters in their request rules….wait actually pause I think the main tipping point for me is actually when I ended up reading cherry tree and was like no fucking way Karasu mention??? Time to test the waters because I kid you not I loved the way you did cherry tree but I was also so fucking hooked on the Karasu cameo I was like oh em gee….karasu mention and HE TALKS?? Guys….so yeah!! Actually that also jogs my memory and clears up my own thoughts of how I first found you (again…??) my memory’s kinda bad if you couldn’t tell HAHAHA

Ok……Mira really trying to solidify the shower evidence…sus…/j

THATS WHAT IM SAYING HAHAHAAH ok but like I was a little surprised that they were the color scene I thought it would’ve been some Kaiser Isagi Rin looking thing with maybe mini side characters in the bg kinda like your current header! Stop did we just manifest ego glow up too??

That’s funny because I also haven’t watched but ik what you’re talking about because I remember seeing people freak out over it LMAOOO BUT FR omg shin ah so gorgeous??? Also omfg you’re so right??? The side by side of Hak and hair down zantetsu….the resemblance is uncanny….but FR S2 being my real male leads into the spotlight please….

Tbh I don’t have high hopes for the fandom but we’ll know in our hearts that Karasu is just a closeted sweetheart loser!!! Ok the Nagi cheater allegations and red flags are actually INSANE like how tf??????????? I seriously have no idea what people are on do you think bro even has the energy to cheat……

LMAOO you’re giving them a reality check on everyone’s behalf we thank you for your service o7

Honestly pop off LMAOO like who’s gonna go challenge your parents sooo also wtf????!!!! BRO DID WHAT???!!!! wtf I literally have no words what the helllllllll glad you’re safe now but omg I hope you never have to experience something like that again….um wdym you have more stories like that??????????? Idk if you’ve ever seen those wild tiktok sponsored posts of like this weird pheromone attractive perfume I think you need creep repellent you’re rizz is too strong…..wtf…..also ENJOY SWITZERLAND!!!!!

But omg another storm shshshs stay safe??? Manifesting your electricity holds up from now on HAHA I’d imagine there aren’t storms in Switzerland rn so….

-Karasu anon

LMAOO no i always get so distracted that ‘save draft’ button is my savior when it comes to answering asks but ik you can’t really do that when sending them 😭 if i ever take more than like a day to respond without explanation feel free to send a check-in ask because that means i’m either being unprecedented levels of offline or i just didn’t get it/see it!!

tumblr takes soo long to get a hang of i will be happy to answer any boomer questions of yours as i probably had the same questions when i first began using the app!! i will always be here for the reveal if/when it comes

i guess the side character vibes i give off are too strong…also hiori made a cameo in cherry tree alongside otoya and karasu so they might’ve made a similar journey as you LMAOAO especially because they mentioned in the request that they had read and liked cherry tree!! that’s so funny that that fic (which i wrote for the most basic character ever) is what led to side character fans finding me!! omg no because tbh there was no reason for karasu to be the one talking in that scene but i was starving and desperate to write him and i thought he could pull it off and now i’m so glad i did that!! and yeah a lot of people tend to only write for a few characters which i think is fair because i 100% get being uncomfortable writing for characters you’re unfamiliar with 🧐 me personally though…if i’m in a fandom there’s not a character in it I WON’T write for!! if i’m too unfamiliar with them i’ll just do research until i feel decent abt it (that’s what i did for the hiori request hehe read and reread his ln + wiki until i was like “okay i think i can do this”)

I SHOWER I PROMISE I SHOWER (not clickbait!!)

maybe this means the NEL arc is ending soon?? like they’re putting all of the coaches in the color spread because we won’t see them again for a while…honestly i really liked this (much more exciting than the last epinagi one) and i’m happy it wasn’t the kaiser + isagi + rin combo again!! all of the coaches are really interesting to me as they all show diff pitfalls of professionals sports (chris + vanity, snuffy + depression/burnout, loki + selfishness, lavinho + immaturity iirc?? and noa + being boring af /j) honestly i could read a spinoff abt all of them too!! and omg ego glow up too…we sensed the vibes in the air and we knew egonation was about to RISE

SHINAH MY BELOVEDDD omg i actually once started a fic for him that was the precursor for hurricanes / hummingbirds in many ways and i still think abt it sometimes but like the fandom for yotd is so nonexistent that i never got the motivation to finish it!! but i think i answered an ask abt it as part of a tag game once here if you’re in the mood for some mira writing while waiting for bfb!! no but the resemblance between zantetsu and hak is uncanny omg team v trio is actually team shoujo trio all of them look like they deserve to be male leads…zantetsu in a historical fantasy shoujo, nagi in a high school slice of life but also mental health focused shoujo, and reo in a ceo romance shoujo SKDJFHS they’re all so bf i love them

we will always know the truth abt karasu and that’s what matters 😩 no because i need to know…do the nagi cheater/red flag (which are unrelated to his laziness) allegations stem from him “leaving” reo during second selection?? because if so that’s insane to me there’s such a difference between joining a different soccer team and cheating on your romantic partner 😭 in epinagi even reo himself acknowledges that he SHOULD be happy for nagi and nagi is so ‘no thoughts head empty’ about it LKDFJGNS bro fr was putting the pieces together like isagi…”play soccer with isagi -> get better at soccer -> win world cup with reo 😄” HOW IS THIS A RED FLAG???

LMAOOO it’s so bad i feel like looking back my time in high school just sounds unreal?? i sent a picture of my eye to another guy i was friends with (in the same friend group as the other two ironically) to show him my new mascara and no joke he responded with an entire verse comparing my eyes to “the heavens” 😭⁉️ and there was also a point in my senior year when i kinda liked a junior on the soccer team (so bfb reader of me but like. reversed.) but for some reason everyone shipped me with the captain of the soccer team?? like people would harass my FRIENDS asking if i liked him…meanwhile i liked mr junior varsity who didn’t even get playtime 😓 it was so bad too i went to a soccer game and everyone thought i was attending to watch the captain, INCLUDING THE GUY I WAS INTO 😐 i went up to congratulate him after the game and bro fr said “did you see the captain play he was amazing” i just left at that point because what can you even do…these are relatively tame in terms of mira lore sadly KJSHGHDFK this is why i have never had a boyfriend or first kiss or anything like that 💔 they’re all CRAZY 😱

SWITZERLAND SOON!! unfortunately my dreams of finishing bfb before my flight are definitely not coming true sooo ig i know what i’m doing for the entire plane ride!! hopefully the lack of distractions will help me finish it up and then i can just proofread in my downtime and hopefully post at some point soon…feel like i’ve been teasing you all for so long but i promise it will be long enough to make the wait worth it (i hope anyways)

[endofbeginningarchive]

tagged by @genij , thank you sm!! (posting this super late oops)

rules: answer the questions, then tag people you’d like to know more about

i’m just gonna tag anyone who wants to do this!! (original, i know)

how tall are you?

i think like 5′4″? tbh im not sure??

what colour are your eyes?

brown

do you wear contacts and/or glasses?

glasses, i’m blind as hell

do you wear braces?

yah :(

what is your fashion style?

tbh just basic t-shirts and jeans, i cant afford the neon style that i so adore :’(

when were you born?

july 16 2002!

how old are you?

15

do you have any siblings?

2, a sister around my age and a fucken. 6year old bro

what school/college do you go to?

[Redacted]

what kind of student are you?

right now? an oncoming disaster

what are your favourite subjects?

theoretically art but the art class im forced into rn is dumb

what are your favourite movies?

the force awakens, coco, princess and the frog, others i cant think of currently

what are your favourite pastimes?

playin gaymes, drawing, listening to podcasts and crying

do you have any regrets?

oh yah definitely but i deadass cant remember any rn

what is your dream job?

Good Question

would you like to get married?

mmmmmaybe.

do you want kids? how many?

nope

how many countries have you visited?

i went to australia when i was 2, thats it tho

what was your scariest dream?

this fella with a like. Melting face kept smiling and yelling at me, also there was another one where this guy screamed “you know what you did” and tried to swing an axe into my face. still dont really know what i did tho

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other?

nah

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping list the first 15 songs

im only doing 5: LIQUID & STAINS (both brockhampton), Girl (the internet), Boredom (tyler, the creator), and Devil Eyes (hippie sabotage, who idk??)

[queersturbate]

"o&o are the dumbest motherfuckers too" why?? what did they say? spill the tea

hello anon! i sound bitchy in this but it's just because im ranting i dont want you to think im being bitchy towards you!

disclaimer everyone <3 dont try to debate me

i do not know to which post you are referring to but i have no doubt i said this because they are the dumbest people. Did they make one of my favorite pieces of media of all time? yeah. Did they write beautiful complex characters? yeah. Am I jealous of the artstyle and wish so bad for it to be mine? yeah. Did they write a incredibly interesting and intense story with so many little details and plots that I'm still talking about it 15 years later? yeah.

But they are dumb. Now, again, idk what post you're referring to so idk what i'm calling them dumb about. But one, they're homophobic. they've made several homophobic remarks (which i don't have specific evidence of rn so i wont say anymore about that) and even had a bunch of homophobic elements in the death note draft, one that I can think of off the top of my head is the one where aizawa tells them to stop being gay and obsessing over misa or something. I have a screenshot lemme find it.

love it. I've had this screenshot for a long time, so i forgot where I found it. Anyway, they're also misogynistic. The evidence is how the women in the show were treated.

But if we disregard all that, there are so many annoying IMPORTANT plot holes (I can excuse misogyny and homophobia but i draw the line at plot holes/ you can excuse misogyny and homophobia?) And im not one of those people that are like wow they said this [irrelevant detail] in episode 2 and now they said [different irrelevant detail] in episode 30, this show sucks. No. I mean when Light and L were literally chained together and L told him he wouldn't let him out of his sight (which btw people need to stop whining and crying over lol Light literally had 0 issues with it. the only people not accepting of it were soichiro and misa- Light literally was like alright sure...anyway-)

there's just things that they didnt need to necessarily show, i understand. Like bathing, pissing, private stuff. A thing like this wouldn't show us that type of scene unless it was relevant. I could argue that it was relevant though lol. So it was left up to the viewer to guess what happened with those scenarios. Because must i remind you, L and Light were chained together for around 3 months. These scenarios had to have happened. and with the emphasis on L not wanting Light to leave his side I, and everyone else, assumed that L wouldn't just unlock the cuff and be like pee break! So what happened during those scenarios? Well, people, including me when I was 12, were like "Ahh gay things happened during those scenes" which is just what happens. If you have a public fictional world, people are going to ship the characters. Lawlight was one of the most popular ships. Ik young and new fans of dn dont know that but it was up there in popularity. Not even in anime circles. Just popular all around.

But o&o heard of this and they decided it was their right to disprove every gay scenario people were coming up with. Which is why you see L in the washing machine drawing. Because how can they shower together if L takes baths in a washing machine huh? checkmate you can't make my character gay! even though it's physically impossible and even if it wasn't, Light, again, would be out of his sight because he'd be in a fucking washing machine. Anyway, they also come up with the solution to using the restroom together, which is just L sits weird. Which honestly isnt bad like it's kind of funny and i get that. But when I known it's just a retaliation against people shipping them it's annoying. (how can peeing being sexy if he pees like this? like peeing together is ever sexy ??:&:!/@!::&) and then the sleeping together bit! o&o had a perfect plan for this...which is L does in fact sleep. But he and his chair fall sideways and that's how he sleeps. and he needs watari to come pick him up. it's just annoying. you can't not show these scenes and basically leave it up for interpretation and then when people are using it gayly you retaliate with childish workarounds.

not to mention the little comics in the back of how to read 13 when they made them so impossibly straight it's hard to read. Like it's embarrassing to read. okay...okay... i didnt know i had this much to say about o&o. i'll be done now.

[reddeadreference]

Blog Progress Update

Drafts: 68 - Queue: 60

Queue as of 4/13/22

-Missions-

Chapter 6: ALL

Epilogue 1: ALL

Epilogue 2: Half

-Other-

POI: 6

Locations: 20

Stranger Missions: 3

Journal (Chapter): 2

I’m slowly getting to the point where I’ll start having the queue post multiple times a day.

Travel Blog Portion below:

Damn it Pearson glitched so I didn’t get the dialogue you’re supposed to get with him… I know it’s not a cutscene but still I wanted to have the audio… he also glitched in the fact he looks like chapter 1 Pearson (second attempt to get the audio to play) with his coat and hair on top of his head..

Omfg I’ve been trying to damn a damn waxing cider fucking whatever bird for the last real life hour… I’ve only found good ones and the one perfect I found I shot too many times UGH

Finally got the hunting stuff done just gotta get John Squirrelson

Mrs Hobbs… ma’am.. You wanna explain why the squirrel magically has the same hat and outfit as John? How. Did. She. Know? Also she just threw in the fact she tried this with humans once. Like OKAY O-O that happened apparently.…

Welp.. time to get home to play hide and seek with the Squirrel Cowboy… Abi you get your dolls, let me have this..

Taking photos of Jack’s room… WHO THE FUCK GOT THIS BOY A TRUMPET?

Did some chores until dinner, sat down and BAM Charles is magically glitched back… only… it’s Charles just having gotten shot because his wound is wrapped but definitely still bleeding… he also doesn’t have a bowl anymore.. Just a spoon. A note also popped up next to him on the table but i don’t think it’s anything. Also I’ve gotten a glitch where I can just continuously greet Uncle… “Hello… Howdy… Old man… Hello….Hi…” and Uncle just looks at him.. Occasionally he’ll say Hi back. THE LETTER IS A LETTER FROM TILLY!!!! Did… did Charles actually come back and bring the mail with him XD

Omfg I started reading it, standing right next to Charles and as I’m reading I took a sip of my drink “Everything okay?” and I just look at the screen to see him looking at me like “wtf?” and almost spat out my drink laughing XD I love that Tilly and Mary-Beth keep in touch Q-Q

Abigail can play the piano… LOOK AT HER! (I spent way to long editing this and playing it multiple times to try and add things to it.) Like the detail of her hitting the wrong notes and looking frustrated and looking like she’s having fun when she’s getting it right. I LOVE IT.

It sounded like the sprig of shelelli(idk) song Sean sang but at times like another song.…

I couldn’t figure out where to change my clothes… I can just imagine John “Abigail… how do I change my clothes?!” annnnd now idk how to sleep… do I have a side of the bed? Can I only sleep at night? “Abigail! How do I sleep?!”

Also… Uncle sleeps UPSTAIRS and by upstairs I mean UP THE LADDER? Lambago and he has to climb a ladder…

Woke up “You can now feed the chickens.” John wakes up all excited, confusing the heck outta Abigail “I can feed the chickens!”

Ahhhh to you too sheep

So in order for her to hide the statue John needs to leave the ranch so I’m gonna go do Miller’s first quest

Fast traveled to Manzanita post and I didn’t know that the NPCs there would keep speaking Norwegian or Swedish.. (I forgot which the guy was)

Ugh.. made the mistake of alerting the skinner brothers to my presence and they killed the person I was supposed to save…

"I am that most worthless of all creatures… a writer.” I know but HEY

John’s face when Evelyn Miller gives his name XD *shocked John-achu* (ya know like... like Pikachu but... I’ll shut up now)

“... Connecticut fops…” O_O I never hear my state said in media it always messes with me XD idk y

Second time finding the squirrel and I thought “what are you doing John?! The fireplace is on!” …. ON…. The fire is ON… omfg… V.V

Alright anyway I can get all the newspapers I missed now so that’ll be the trips away from home I take to get her to hide the thing.

I love that we’re hiding and finding and putting back the statue without a word to each other about it.

Went to Rhodes to get newspapers (kid’s missing so that’s glitched) but I stopped by the gunsmith and he apologized for “what happened” as if it wasn’t Arthur 8 years ago who freed the guy in his basement. John goes “We’ve all kidnapped someone.” “We have?” “NO Of course not!”

Stopped by the Gen store,

“Damn John you’ve been gone a long time.” OH COME ON so I’m never getting the dialogue I’m supposed to get yet you recognize me?! I wish we got some more special dialogue like if we buy coffee “I remember how much Abigail liked her coffee.” or a chocolate bar “That for Jack?” or something like that… NevEr mind! Hovering over a chocolate bar “Young Jack will like that.” damn but no Abigail coffee comment..

“I wonder how many of the others are still alive.” OOF 

“In case you’re wondering, I still make a damn fine stew.”  Q-Q

“You should’ve seen this town when the Gray’s were still in charge, pft.” Dude… I … I was there.   

“It’s a hell of a lot of work but I love this store and a life where I ain’t sleeping outside hehe.”

“I heard Swanson is a preacher in New York now, good on him!” dude it took like 5 real life minutes for him to finally say this… I’m legit just staring at the catalog and listening as I work on other posts.

“I went to Clemen’s Point the other day just to see it again. Brought it all flooding back.” (again this took to long to play)

“You always were indecisive” HEY

So I left and came back to Pearson after finishing the squirrel stuff and he mentioned wanting to send a letter! So hopefully I'll get that too. 

Last person I need to see is Rains Fall (I like how there's like one per major place. Mary-Beth in Valentine, Tilly in Saint Denis, Pearson in Rhodes, and Rains Fall in Annesburg.) Kinda wish we'd also see Trelawny maybe… but he would be in Saint Denis with his family so that would have taken Tilly's spot… oh and I need to talk to Charlotte Balfour (not part of the gang but still someone I need to see)

So the whole gang as of 1907

Dutch - On the run

Hosea, Arthur, Susan, Strauss, Molly, Sean, Kieran, Lenny, Micah - X (dead)

John, Abigail, Jack, Uncle, - Beecher's Hope

Charles - Beecher’s Hope -> Canada

Sadie - South America (?)

Javier - Mexico (According to the newspaper article Notorious Bad Man Alive  “telegraph from Mexico” reports he’s in the mountains)

Bill - On the run(?)

Pearson - Rhodes (running the general store)

Swanson - New York (said by Pearson and in a newspaper article)

Tilly - Saint Denis

Mary-Beth - Valentine (forgot if she said where she is now)

Karen - also X (dead via drinking ?)

Trelawny - ????

Is Trelawny the only one we don't have the confirmed or even suspected whereabouts?

I'm gonna try and make a timeline visual for when certain people joined the gang (as best I can cause certain people we don't have a definite start date) and a visual for the timeline of the game. It would most likely look like a sideways bar graph type thing. 

[psychometric-kid]

What if ‘He is Psychometric’ had a 2nd season?

Hello people! I found an old draft of mine from June 4th 2020. Lil covid outbreak scared me wanted to think of continuing a kdrama. It’s something uncommon for Korean TV show to keep having new episodes from what I’ve noticed. 

Enjoy the 15yr old me discussing it down here ⬇

Ah, K-dramas, making you cry, aren’t they? *cricket silence*

As a person whose nickname is basically ‘Psychometric Kid’ some people online asked me if this alias has something to do with the South Korean TV series starring the singer Park Jinyoung and the young yet sweet and good looking cApRiCoRn Shin Ye-eun. (I sound like a fanboy.) 

Yes, it is related to it. Next time if this gets read by many people, I will speak about how I became Psychometric Kid. (aka how I thought of this nickname and what would I have been if I hadn’t named myself like this) [which 2021 me already forgot about, I’ve had this nickname for over 2yrs already, I think it was because I had to think of a good nickname so my Tumblr is related to Hyunjin. But SaltyWarrior (the old nickname) and Hyunjin seem so distant from one another]

So, shall we already begin with my POV...

Saikometeuri Geunyeoseok; lit. That Psychometric Guy is a South Korean TV series aired between March and April 2019 on tvN and the online streaming platform, Viki. (I say that with the platform because I watched it there. Idk if it was in synchrony with the series on tvN as I watched January 2020)

The K-drama ended with the most ridiculous ending as possible. Basically, I wondered if Lee Ahn wants to be a father or will get a medical degree. I was just so confused. I watched it a few times just to understand but I am still clueless. 

Basically, there were a few aspects and POVs: 

The other viewers vs mine 

If there was another season I would definitely check it out. Even if I have to wait months for subtitles, I will wait having my theories even if I am not that type of person to make theories. So, if there was season 2:

1. Probably there would be another mystery related to some of main cast. 

- Probably Prosecutor Kang will still be in prison so this time something mysterious will happen to the happy couple, Ahn and Jae In. We had no idea who is the mother of Jae In or what happened with her? (or they said and I again didn’t pay attention, after all she was living with her aunt) 

But if something like that happens, I will be super interested. 

2. There will be a marriage or a kid...or not? 

- Well, it is kind of possible, but this way the mysterious crime drama becomes a love happy ending melodrama. So I wouldn’t want this to be the main synopsis in a the second season if there could be one. 

- For what we know from season 1, the happy couple will live together, so this with the kid will be really possible *smirk* (why I am so perverted)

I am more interested in intense battles, crime stories or police. As a viewer, I am very fuzzy unlike my mom who watches K-drama after K-drama after K-drama. She doesn’t like crime stories such as Iris and He is Psychometric. But my father had watched Iris and loved it. So I have him on my side hehe. 

But if it ends like “Omg, Ahn-a I’m pregnant” or something like this I will be genuinely happy. .

.  

.

.

.

And here the 2020 part ends. Back in 2020, I considered writing a series of Tumblr posts called: “What If...?”, I had few ideas in my head like: “Why would/What if SKZ disbands (because back then I was getting colder and colder towards Stray Kids’ music and thought it’s all because of Woojin, silly me). Or What If a JYPE idol has a child and it gets to the public (influenced by a fanfic I read). But I never wrote the latter, I still have the SKZ draft. Even right now I am going back to my roots listening to 2018 SKZ music. 

Oh and to not forget my other ideas of writing one shots about me celebrating my 18th birthday in Korea, with guys, that have hormons.  

Soooo, I see I am in a streak of well posted things, which probably I will ruin by posting this, but it is what it is. 

Have an awesome day!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

(was originally an ask, then i rambled a crapload, so if u wanna skip through, just go to the bolded questions)

i am new to the fandom & just found your blog, just wanted to say DAMN its so detailed and everything, i cant wait to read it all! also i was so relieved to find that the fandom is still alive <3

side note im just rambling here, i binged sherlock all really quick and everything is like a blur (idk if im in a state of shock or something, but i do know i was super invested at s1 ep 2, then i finished s4 at 4am one day and i had to read me some johnlock fics to comfort myself and i really dont know how i feel about anything yet just that well, johnlock and i cried during sherlocks fake death even tho i already accidentally read spoilers, and i also cried when they just went to hang out at bars together and hhh and during sherlocks best man speech and sherlocks goodbye to john (…maybe goodbye should be plural)…also i was v mad at eurus and s4 was a hell of a rollercoaster gd), so just wondering, how many times have you watched sherlock? how was the experience each time? (can be about any season or eps or anything, also any snacks u liked to eat while watching or anything of that sort? just curious and thought that might be fun to answer)(apologies if you answered this already i tried to look for it but i got a bit overwhelmed)

btw u are amazing ^^ (also nice timer even tho it makes me sad) and MAD RESPECT for answering so many asks and like SO DETAILED-LY? (i cant grammar) and god ur metas and stuff?? absolutely fantabulous. im legit crying im so glad i found your blog. i know how much work asks take (and like i procrastinate on them for so long…mm months old esp for fic rec lists bc i know those take WORK) so like again, SO MUCH RESPECT thank you for all your hard work!! you are absolutely fantastic and awesome :D please make sure you take care of yourself too <3

ALSO you have a great profile picture + background pic (forgive me i have half a braincell (actually lets make it .7437 gave myself a tiny upgrade even tho i didnt do anything) i forgot what its called…background thing?? idk) i love them!!

if u read through all that tysm, if not thank u anyways for being so amazing, i have a habit of rambling so pls bear with me ^^

(also would it be possible to make this anon? if not feel free to delete this line ^^)

(Submitted by Anonymous)

--------

Hi Lovely!!

Always can make something Anon if y’all ask <3

First of all, SORRY for how long it took me to get back to you with this one. I’m a giant heap of trash and I’m surprised people still come here LOL

Secondly, WELCOME TO THE FANDOM! We love having y’all here, and I’m honoured that you enjoy my blog and content! Also will comment on your praise on my meta here: THANK YOU. I’m very proud of my meta, and especially the SHEER AMOUNT of it I have produced still boggles me mind. Y’all remember when I was creative and thoughtful??? LOL S4 dragged me hard hahah. I still try to write S4 meta, just not as much as I used to. I like speculating, I truly do, but I have so little free time these days because of the nature of my full time job, so I tend to just... do nothing LOL. I find Fic Reccing really relaxing when you have nearly 800 bookmarks. I’m worried I’m becoming stale though. Oh well. I’m just trying to leave my mark here. <3

Thirdly, HAHHAH Thank you for your compliment about my replies to my asks; I genuinely wish I could get more asks finished every day, but I tend to ramble, as you can see, and I just... don’t finish them in a timely manner. Honestly, it’s a relief when I don’t know something because I can then get the community involved to help me out AND I also get new fic recs that way too LOL. I also draft a TONNE of asks and when I do that, I tend to just keep adding MORE and MORE and MORE so I have to post them, LOL. 

And finally: My fave episode is TAB; it was the episode I studied the closest and my analysis of the trailer is my “claim to fame”. I just love it to bits. It’s the episode I’ve watched the most. S3 is my fave season, and it’s the SEASON I’ve watched the most, no less than 30 or 40 times. Season 2, then 1. I have only seen S4 like 5 times in full total, and horribly enough, TFP is the most-watched episode: I watched the Leak, the airdate, and I went and saw it in the theatres because I already bought the ticket before it aired so I just... didn’t care. And then at least 3 more times in Watchalongs. So yeah :| I still haven’t watched the BluRay I bought, but I hated having an incomplete set so I bought it when it went on sale fore 10 bucks LOL.

But yeah, S1 and 2 I watched together, and I LOVED the show. I joined fandom the summer before S3 aired, and S3 is when I REALLY got into the fandom. I’ve been pretty much here since then, about 7 years I think now. When I saw S4, it was incredulity and disappointment with it. That’s really it. I’m still a fence sitter these days about the series as a whole, but I’m leaning more and more to “no S5 for at least 3 more years” kinda thing. Just... everyone involved seems so disinterested in the show these days, minus Mofftiss to keep pushing the Sherlock™ Brand to make money.

ANYWAY. Thanks for writing to me!! This was such a joy to read when I first got it, and I just... have been really overwhelmed the past few weeks that I just have only been sticking to shorter asks. But I had some free time tonight when I’m answering this, so THANK YOU. 

I hope you’re still around, and I hope you still enjoy your time here! Don’t hesitate to ask me anything else!! <3 <3

[rynhaswritersblock]

tiktok famous (hc) - part three | p.p.

summary: you and peter doing various tiktok trends. y'all know the deal

warnings: ultra chaotic writing (i have nine other drafts forgive me i am a tad bit stressed), cussing as always, and HOPEFULLY GOOD WRITING??? oh and yes as always peter being Babey

+ + +

- HI!!!!!! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE TIKTOK HCS!!!!!!!

- i got a few requests/ideas from y'all for more tiktoks so here we are

- tbh since so many new trends are constantly coming out i might just make this a whole ass SERIES but we'll see

- who knows if i can even handle that

- btw:: if i forgot one or there's one you really want me to write you can comment it and i'll try to add it to this!!! if it's too long since posted though i'll add it to my drafts <3

- OKAY TIME FOR CHAOTIC ENERGY

- as mentioned in past versions of this series

- tiktok dances are ADDICTIVE!!!

- and you literally broke a goddamn sweat learning supalonely but we're NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT

- and you and peter are hanging out one day

- and as all of these ideas happen

- you get ~inspired~ by the for you page

- you set up the camera, flipping it so that it's facing peter and not you

- the lil shit hasn't even noticed that you got up yet what a poop

- but as soon as the music starts playing he raises his head

- you're doing the supalonely dance like a fucking BOSS

- all while pretending to be looking at yourself in the camera

- you don't let yourself stare at the screen so you don't get distracted

- but

- of course

- peter is nodding his beat to the beat, clapping for you, and when you to the body roll thing on "drinking" he lets out a whoop that makes you wheeze

- when you finish you laugh, letting out a sigh and grabbing your phone

"not gonna lie, you ate that."

"i know."

- you sit back down next to him, heart rate in da Clouds, and start watching the video

- petey boi is just sitting there like a puppy, crooked smile on his face as he watches you

- in a few parts he's even doing the dance with you

- and he looks so in awe

- you can't stop watching it and smiling at the screen

- but then the fucker sits down next to you and is like "you should post that it was really good"

- so you show him it

- his face gets all red bc he's babey

"you were videoing me??"

- OKAY NEXT ONE

- so i think we all know the rosa videos

- for the b99 fans: rosa rosa rosaaaaaaaaaaaa

- she's a QUEEN

- and you constantly quote those things like

- every time there's a silent moment you're just like "you're fucking lying let me see" and the whole team (avengers squad) is like ayo stfu

- one day y'all are just hanging in the commons of headquarters

- we're getting the band back together!

- and you start videoing cause you're bored

- you point the camera at peter

"aye dude come here?"

- everybody groans and peter gives the camera a sassy look, tilting his head

"you're gay? i fuckin-"

"language," steve mutters

"-knew it dude!" you smile, zooming in on the camera

- peter gets a confused look on his face

"wait no i'm bi"

- tony effin SHOOTS UP

- sitting like there's a goddamn board in his back

- and he slowly turns his head in your direction

- eyebrow raised

- you bust out laughing and so does everyone else, including peter

- tony's looking around like "hey what the FUCK is HAPPENING"

"stark, you didn't know?"

"NO??"

- lol we stan bi peter parker

- aight BACK TO THE SHITS AND GIGGLES

- so you and peter are obsessed with that quirky tiktok bartender girl who makes all the drinks

- i forgot her name but she's like

we're gonna do 2 ounces so that's 1, 2, 3, 4! we're gonna give it a nice strain! andddd shake shake shake shake! fun, right?

- yk what i mean

- hi it's editing ryn it's her tiktok is like paradise bartender

- and so one day

- jk one NIGHT

- it's like 2 am

- and you and peter are like

- let's make lemonade. but like. Fake Alcohol Version Because We're Underage

- and so y'all run to the kitchen

- you almost crush and die from slipping on your socks

- the two of you and laughing and giggling as you run and around and get all your materials

"where is the fucking STRAINER"

"bitch idk help me find the lemon flavor packets"

- it takes FAR too long but y'all are finally ready

- you start recording and the two of you are already laughing

"hey guys so today-"

"TODAY" he pushes you to the side "we're gonna be making LEMONADE!"

- the two of you keep laughing as you shove each other trying to be the one in charge

- so basically

- peter gets water all over the counter

- some of the ice flies out when you shake it

- the strainer DOESN'T WORK AND ALL THE STUFF GETS EVERYWHERE

- and the small amount that lands in the cup tastes like whispering lemon

- like hella watered down there's like nothing there

- the lemon is SHY

- and then in the last 10 seconds of the video bucky walks in

- and he's like wtf... wait y'all are making lemonade??

- and the three of you end up making lemonade for real and drinking it while watching infomercials

- at two in the morning

- fun, right?

- those videos are so satisfying NEXT TIKTOK

- thank u ritxal for the idea !!

- so our boi PETE HERE

- is hella addicted to those cool pov videos

- and he gets a really good idea even though it would make him a SIMP

- he ends up deciding FUCK IT I'M MAKING ONE

- MY TIKTOK ACCOUNT IS PRIVATE ANYWAYS

- so he sets up his phone and jumps around to get ~~in the zone~~

- feeling stupid as hell

- he films one of those ones where it's the "from the other side" *noise!!!!!!!!* one's yk where the ppl are like "are you sure you want to __?" and it has the yes and no buttons

- you know

- i hope

- and he puts the text on it and shrugs, posting it

- meanwhile you're home and you get the notification that peter posted a tiktok

- obviously you click on it because

- uh

- because

- and you watch it and gasp because the caption says pov and ur like who tf is this man peter never posts povs

- you watch as peter is looking nervously at the camera and text pops up saying "are you sure you want to give up?"

- he presses yes and you're like oh god oh peter wait is this a sign shit FUCK

- a new text bubble pops up saying "do you want to see her?" and you fucking yeLP

- you're like holy FUCK WAIT WHO IS HER???? WIFE???? DAUGHTER?????? HUH!!!!!!!

- and then he presses yes

- and the screen goes black

- you see urself in the screen

- and you basically DIE

- a wheeze so hard that it hurts flies out of your mouth and you IMMEDIATELY PRESS DUET

- you start filming with your phone facing the ceiling and as the beat drops (or whatever when it's like ahhhh!) you pop onto the screen, smiling

- and you're like RANDOM CONFIDENCE BOOST WHATEVER POST

- and then BACK TO PETER'S PLACE

- HE GETS THE NOTIFICATION AND IS LIKE WHAT

- AND WHEN HE SEES YOU POP ONTO THE SCREEN HE'S LIKE HOLY FUCK

- AND SO HE FACETIMES YOU

- YOU ANSWER OBVI

"y/n what the hell"

"did you like it?"

"maybe"

- okay i wanna do another pov one so here we go

- i'm sure everyone here is acquainted with the "they call me tiago.. i don't know who's margo" ones

-  these are lowkey difficult to write out so i'm just gonna lay it out for you as best i can

- really trying here

- so peter posts the boy's voice part ("no no no... they call me tiago. i don't know who's margo? i just hit this lotto" etc etc etc)

- and when it's like idk who's margo he just holds a stare with the camera in like an InTiMiDaTiNg way

- even though he's babey and a literal puppy it actually like.. works

- and when you see it you're like yes so you post the other part (that people never do lol "her name is margo" etc all the female voicing)

- and you hold the stare too and EVEN LIKE RAISE YOUR EYEBROW SUGGESTIVELY AND GIVE HIM THE LOOK IYKYK

- so BASICALLY

- i'm really trying here i can visualize these tiktoks perfectly but GOD if i don't struggle a bit while writing them

PETER'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but you keep screwing with my plans so i try to intimidate you

Y/N'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but i found you cute so i decide to mess around with your mission

- OH BY THE WAY THE TWO OF YOU LIVE AT AVENGERS HEADQUARTERS AND HE POSTED "YESTERDAY" SO YOU DECIDE TO POST "TODAY" AND WALK OUT OF YOUR ROOM TO WHERE HE WAS IN THE COMMONS RIGHT AFTER YOU POSTED

- can y'all tell how messy my brain is holy shit

- pls forgive me i keep getting random ideas but IT ADDS TO THE CHAOS SO IT'S FINE RIGHT

- OKAY

- BACK AGAIN

- so you post and walk out and as you turn the corner to the commons you can hear the sound play and have to stop a moment to silently scream

- thankfully no one else was in there except for peter (whose back was to you) otherwise you woulda looked INSANE

- you walk up behind him and smile as he laughs slightly and watches it another time, pulling his phone closer to his face to read the caption

"holy shit," he mutters

- he closes his eyes and smiles and tilts his head back, resting it on the back of the couch (🥺)

"you like it?"

- lol

- this kid SHOOTS UP

- HELLO

"oh my god, y/n, what are you doing"

"coming to hang out with you??"

- he sighs as you come and plop down next to him

"what the hell is this"

- he shows you his phone

"a tiktok"

- he smiles and shakes his head (doing that thing where you like look down while doing it and it's so CUTE)

"yeah. i got that."

- NEXT TIKTOK

- alright guess the scenario

- just fucking guess

- i'll wait

- ...

- you'd best BELIEVE that y'all are chilling at headquarters in the commons rn

- where da HELL ELSE

- and

- like LITERALLY EVERY OTHER TIKTOK THAT I WRITE OUT IN THESE

- YOU AND PETE BE CHILLIN

- AND YOU SET UP YOUR PHONE

- god i'm starting to question if i'm capable of writing literally anything else damn

- peter's in the background of course

- and it's this godforsaken audio i'm sure most of you have heard

- you know the one where it's like fast music and then it goes "mm, yeah" and it's usually accompanied with a video of some really pretty girl fake moaning and like rolling her eyes while pushing up her hair??

- well

- all of that

- everything i just said

- is exactly what you do

- and the thing is

- as soon as peter hears the audio he recognizes it

- are we gonna talk about the fact that peter probably spent at least a whole night watching those videos because 1) girls are really pretty and 2) every time he heard it he could vividly imagine you doing it??????? no??? okay

- so he like

- sits up

- does the thing where he rests his forearms on his knees and leans forward, glaring at you through the camera

- and in the background

- if you're paying attention

- peter FLIPS HIS SHIT WHEN YOU DO THE "MM YEAH" PART

- he tHROWS HIS ARMS IN THE AIR LIKE WHAT THE HELL DUDE I THOUGHT I GAVE YOU SIGNS THAT EVEN THOUGH WE'RE NOT A COUPLE AND WE BOTH KNOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE OUT OF SPITE,, DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON VIDEO IS ABSOLUTELY OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!

"Y/N!"

- it's still recording and you turn around and laugh, throwing your head back as he jumps up and grabs you by the waist, pulling you in

- the two of you start play fighting just like elio and oliver from cmbyn (but a bit less steamy yk?? more innocent yet still w a bit of tension yeye)

- needless to say you keep that video in a very special place of your heart

- and so does peter like once the two of you stop wrestling you realize that the video had just been looping behind the sound of your laughter and fighting y'all watch it and it loops a few times while the two of you are silent and he finally goes "can you uh. can you send that. to me. ???????"

- next oneeeeeeeeeeeeee

- thank u lilmissquackson for the idea <3

- so in this one you and petey are dating

- and y'all decide to do the put a finger down challenge lol

- but instead of using an audio y'all decide to switch off coming up with ones on the spot

"put a finger down if your boyfriend tackles you every time you're standing near a couch or bed"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend still calls you dude"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend once webbed you to the wall because you wouldn't stand still when he was trying to kiss you"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend used her telepathic powers to keep you out of her room when she was mad at you"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend took TWO YEARS TO ASK YOU OUT"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend started laughing after you told her you liked her"

"put a finger down if you only started laughing because it TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend showed no signs of liking you before you decided to ask her out"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend is the most oblivious boy in the world"

"put a finger down if you're in love with your girlfriend but haven't said 'i love you' yet because you're scared she won't say it back"

- your jaw drops and turn to him

- needless to say you were very glad to have caught your first "i love you"s on camera

- SIDE NOTE you did not post cause after you and peter watched the video back y'all were both like "we don't wanna be THOSE bitches"

- next one woop

- thank u MrsLillianAmbrose for the idea !!

- okay buds

- so here's the thing

- i hate to under-perform

- but i feel like the best way to get the full effect of this tiktok is to watch it and then just roll with me here

- SOOOOO (if u can)

1) open tiktok 2) search @_tharealjohnnyyy_ 3) go to his account (or it might just show up when you search) 4) and scroll to the "ways to cuddle" video 5) it was posted in february 2020 if that helps give u a time reference lol

- OKAY

- I HOPE Y'ALL GOT TO WATCH IT

- I TRIED JUST PUTTING IT IN HERE BUT WATTPAD WOULDN'T LET ME AND I COULDN'T FIND IT ON YOUTUBE (let me know if one of u does!!!)

- if u weren't able to watch it (i'm so sorry) i'm gonna do the best i can to at least make this entertaining

- WOOP

- so if you could see the tiktok that's really all this is

- you and peter doing literally the same thing

- y'all are giggling in between positions and peter struggles to set the camera up every time it falls

- he ends up just webbing it to the ceiling

- and in the end the two of you fall asleep in the reverse OG position with your fingers playing with his hair 🥰🥰

- i hope that was good enough im sorry AH

- next!!

- thank u Mendesmycam for the idea <33

- okay so y'all know that sound

SOMETHING ABOUT YA GORLL

REALLY MAKES MY HEADDDD WANNA TWIRLLLLLLLLLL

- or whatever the lyrics are

- those tiktoks are SO FUNNY

- AND YOU DECIDE TO COPY THEM

- so you grab a chair and sit peter down in the middle of the room and set the camera up

- luckily for you he has a bag of cheez-its in hand that you plan to utilize later

- babey has a confused look on his face as he watches you press play and he shoves some more cheez-its in his mouth

- the music starts playing and you just about bust out laughing as you walk all around him, running your hand across his chest

- his heart is racing he's like AYO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON

"y/n what the hell are you-"

SOMETHING ABOUT YOU GIRL

- you practically snap into a weird position

- ur freaking arms are out in front of you and you're on your toes and knees are bent and you're hunched over and it's like

- a very interesting pose

- peter BUSTS OUT LAUGHING

- his eyes are all crinkly as he bends over in the chair

- you just about break but you manage to keep a straight face as you start dancing around weirdly

- needless to say you look like a goddamn CONTORTIONIST

- peter can't stop wheezing

- you make one of your hands in the shape of like the italian man hand this iykyk and fucking SWAN DIVE YOUR FINGERS INTO HIS CHEEZ-IT BAG

- meanwhile peter's STILL DYING

- and you take the cheezits and lean back, sprinkling them all over you (like the popcorn one if you saw that tiktok lmao)

- and the video finally ends and you get to laugh

"y/n what the hell was that"

"i don't know i thought you might enjoy a little entertainment"

- and of course

- that's exactly when no other than SAM WILSON fucking strolls in

- hey how y'all doin'- AHHH (get yo fucking dog bitch! ~it don't bite~ YES IT DO GET YO-)

- sorry got distracted

- and he hears you and his head SPINS ON OVER TO Y'ALL'S DIRECTION

"a little what now?"

- AIGHT GUYS

- LAST ONE

- Y'ALL ARE AT HEADQUARTERS CAUSE WHERE DA HECK ELSE

- this time you're in peter's room though

- and i'd like to imagine this one with the cool led lights because 1) tiktok and 2) i feel like peter would have those in his room

- y'all are just chilling watching hot rod (GREAT MOVIE BTW)

- and

- peter sets up the camera

- not to mention his heart is RACING RN CAUSE HE'S A NERVOUS BEAN

- and he hits record and leans back, letting out a sigh

- you don't even notice his phone literally right there cause you're just enjoying the movie

- a few seconds into the video and petey is like Visibly Freaking Out

- but a funny part plays and you laugh, looking over at him to see if he found it funny too

- he notices you're turning your head so he's like YES I LOOK AT TV HOT ROD MOVIE I AM LOOKING THAT WAY AND WASN'T STARING AT YOU OR THE CAMERA YES THIS IS A FUNNY PART I AM LAUGHING

- and then you look away

- and then he looks at you

- and ever so lightly grabs you by the chin

- and pulls you to him and plants his lips on yours

- finally, dumbass

+ + +

huzzah

i hope u guys enjoyed !!!!!!! ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

[thepausedsforzando]

III. The Paused Sforzando

Part I. The End To The Remaining Effort

*******Introduction*******

   It’s been 5 years. 5 years and a month just about. This post looks weird in public because it’s first one. It’s also marked as III. On October 8th, 2019 I nuked my entire Tumblr. Actually, I nuked all 3: hunkee, digitalclothingofhunkee and thepsychologyofdarthvader. That was a heavy day. This series has been shotty and inconsistent, in that gaps have become bigger and the details have lessened. This could likely be due to the feedback and problems I’ve had with people in my posts when I would talk about personal things that were not only private for me but for them. Primarily, these inconsistencies and gaps are because I’ve slowly descended into more of a void of a human being than I ever thought I could be when my life was right. January 6th, 2016. That’s where we last left off. “We” now means, and has always meant, current Matthew, as well as the one who will be reading this. If any Where are we now? Corny, I know, but you wanted to type it.

   I have always dreamed of having a Tumblr where I had literally 0 holdbacks. If it was disturbing or could easily be misunderstood, I’d post it anyway. But coming from a Christian background where the Christian homeschool choirs I was in had its dark pockets of judgement, it, or more than just it, made me severely self-conscious. But that is tied deeper to why I care about what others think, and how their attention makes or breaks me as a human being. But I’m getting head of myself. On purpose.

   hunkee, and it’s other 2 sisters were that of restriction. No more. So many have lost touched, forgotten and abandoned me, so who fucking cares now. I may still care. I’m showing it right now, but I’ll contradict that.

   One thing I will hold back on is the private information of loved ones who never got a voice to choose whether or not to have their private lives posted here. I am transparent and honest to an extreme, and it’s gotten me in trouble more than I ever thought or wanted to. Therefore, what you will be seeing is the second draft, edited to filter out private events out of love and/or respect to those who didn’t get a voice. They will be edited with summaries and I may even redact names or change said names. Those people deserve it. And I should have known back then. But you can’t know everything. I could have learned faster, but respect is being shown nonetheless.

   Alot has happened from January 6th, 2016 to February 5th, 2021. What I choose to be here will be here, and other installments will follow. Where we last left off was- well before I say it, let me show you the progression:

- 2009: The end of my childhood and innocence - 2010: a solid year of happiness in the first chapter of adulthood - 2011: not bad - 2012: The beginning of the dark renaissance; the start of it all - 2013: The Darkness: The darkest point, the breakdown, the intervention and the beginning of me stopping any care and any effort. Laziness became my life. - 2014: The Void: Through trying with little effort, the numbness grew - 2015: I literally forgot most of 2015. The Void at its highest - 2016: The End: The year that I gave up, after 5 years of trying through abandonment. - 2017: Committing to my abandonment. - 2018: Rebirth: The slow growth of the tiniest voice within me. - 2019: Pause #1: Amber - 2020: ugh: - 2021: ugh:

Let’s just begin.

             **************

   As per usual, let’s recap from the 16th. My name is Matthew. I’m 24 and a half years old. I work at Patsco Windshield Repair and had for about a month. I have been living back at my parents now for 2 years and about 4 months. I’d been single for 1 year and 2 months. I still had my Roth IRA and likely got rid of my savings account due to poor management of my money. I had suppressed my love for Amber again, and it wouldn’t be the last time. I was emotionally void after raging and depressing for years. My life had no meaning, nor did I really have many friends or any social interactions. I had a car. I can’t remember what bills I dealt with, but it was likely phone, insurance, health insurance and idk.

   Life at Patsco was pretty lame. I would drive to the corner of a parking lot on a busy road, hold up a sign for a while and repair people’s windshields. Calling insurance companies and cleaning headlights. Great for a high schooler; pathetic that I was there in life at 24. The pay was $12/hr. I forgot if the hours were good. But the best thing that happened then was I read Dante Alighieri’s Inferno. I fell in love with that book. Standing on the grass next to cars at the red light of whatever intersection I was assigned that day. Immersed in the world and loving the darkness. I found beauty in dark things and gravitated towards hateful content. Who would have figured.

   Patsco didn’t last very long. Maybe I got fired, I think I did. My memory has deteriorated so much over the past x amount of years. As has my attention span. And effort. Anyway, it usually takes me 1-3 months to find work, and on April whenever, I became a delivery driver for Jimmy John’s. Yet again, a low end, dead end job. I lasted just about 2 years. I asked Asia to let me stay long enough to make it an even two years, but she couldn’t stand me and it didn’t go that long.

   Amber had either come back or was always there. For private reasons, someone in her life had jealously forbade me to come over and witness the birth of her first child. That didn't fucking happen with her second. I was there. More on that later.

   Remembering 2015, 2016 and 2017 is hard. I'm having to pull up my resume, previous entries of this series and go back to where I was then. By the time Jimmy John’s rolled around, I’d been back home for over 2 and a half years. Being numb and unmotivated, I was also an asshole to live with. I treated my mother horribly. There is much to get into about what I have learned about her over the years and why we clash, but I always handled it wrong and I still do. Too lazy to confront her. She saw me at my worst. Whatever I could do out loud, she mostly saw and had to be the victim of it. She didn’t deserve it.

   What I write about tends to focus on home, mom and dad, work, cars and not much else. I’ve neglected to mention Eva but once. I feel bad that in a forgetful and numb phase, I forgot when I met Eva. I met her on MeetMe, a social app for meeting people that too many guys used as a dating site. It was really, really pathetic. But I was open to meeting a significant other too I bet. There goes the hypocrisy. Take note. I just didn’t advertise it and let whatever unfolded, unfold.  Before I mention Eva, what happened on MeetMe is notable. I just didn’t advertise it and I'd let whatever unfolded unfold. This is where I was at: I met someone who lived across the road from me named Evie. I put what I wanted onto her and god fucking dammit I was creepy. We were barely just talking and I was gushing over her. She was pretty and I wanted to be with someone.

   My obsession with women had always been a tame problem that sprouted when it got to be intense. In 2011, when the neglect started, my creepiness, lack of social interactions and desire to have a girlfriend got weirder. Every girl that was remotely attractive, or not even that attractive was ‘so right for me’ and I’d pursue. Ashley, Andrea, Christa, Amy. I can’t even remember them all. It was every. fucking. woman. that came to Josh's and I's house. Someone I hadn’t been vibing with or talking to in the first place. That’s the key, you get to know someone and if they move that way WITH you, then it’s something. I always bash guys for pursuing if THEY want it, whether they’ve talked to them much or not. In my own way, I did that. I just didn’t assert myself as hard because in this context, it would have been awkward.

   Evie casually told me where she worked. We were barely acquaintances and had never met or even had each others’ numbers. And when I saw she was getting off work one night, I bought her the candy she said she loved and walked over to her in front of the store at night, basically a total stranger, and gave her the Reese’s after clarifying who I was. She was extremely quiet. I bet she didn’t eat those candies because she thought the psycho who I guess you could say stalked her poisoned them and is going to kidnap her. Fuck me that was stupid. But that’s where I was at. My desire got stronger and more obsessive over these 4 years. This might have happened in 2015. Either way, I was doing things that were not Matthew. Using a woman for sex, stalking one, and Naomi....Poor Naomi.

   We were talking as friends. She was beautiful. I wanted someone. She did NOT want to find a significant other. When she was reaching out for someone to talk to, it was a friend to confide in. And she made that clear. I lowkey pursued her romantically. We’d meet down the street of her house and park in a parking lot close by. We’d talk deeply, about her hard life. And I would be there for her. Once I told her my intentions, we stopped talking. She was upset, and had every right to be. When I was pursuing Amber 3 years prior, I was putting her newborn to sleep and said ‘can you say “daddy?”’...............................it’s hard for me to bring that up because as wrong as it was and I probably knew at the time, now I can’t....I can’t even explain the awkwardness and shame I feel for saying that. Like I devolved from already clingy/kinda obsessive/maybe on occasion creepy to.....that. To a newborn whose mother....I can’t remember if she liked me at that time. I think she did. ReGARDLESS.

   The last time I wasn’t like this was Ana. in late 2011/early2012. I was never perfect as I’ve said like 3 times with regards to my intense emotions towards girlfriends. Hell, I wasn’t bad at all to Nicole. But this loneliness, that was a combination of my fault and other things that made me do things I regret. I had my first one night stand years ago. Attaining friends was through the screen of my phone. I couldn’t make friends. I lost my ability to be social. I became more socially awkward. Pursuing women wasn’t successful, and my desire had gone out of control.

   Here I am, miles away from the original point: Eva. She was a female and I was looking for a relationship. Desiring love, affection and to get fucking laid. It came in the form of many creepy endeavors. I wasn’t as terrible with Eva. I liked her because I liked every female that came in contact with me. So it wasn’t even genuine when I told her. But we got past that. Wasn’t trying to get in her pants or anything heinous. But as that small phase passed, for the first time in years, I gained a friend. I made a new friend........it’s not that it’s hard, but was for me. I can’t think of the last time I made a new friend. But I hit the jackpot. No one is more loyal than Eva.

   She was an actual friend. She listened to me. I listened to her. We cared for each other. She invited me to her house and to outings with her friends. She cared about me. Someone finally did. It was nothing to her. Like it should be nothing to anyone else: you have friends and you spend time with them. But it was the universe and all its stars to me. I made a big deal out of it for reasons you already know. She was the true friend I needed, but got so late. I felt included, I felt cared about and I felt wanted. I think she’d even text me first! That doesn’t exist anymore! She became a bright spot, but it didn’t change what was coming.

   I got mad at Jimmy John’s. Aggressive driving, maybe dealing with the occasional dick ‘cause I was in an upper middle class (some would say rich) area of town. Having been void for so long, I felt I was at a dead end. I think I was friends with Eva by then. I had only been at Jimmy John’s for a month, not even. 2 days before Mother’s Day was when it finally happened.

   Despite the angel that had come into my life, I was still lazy and numb, but I feel I was more angry at this point. Regardless, on May 6th, 2016, I officially gave up. From neglect to anger to depression to laziness, it had all culminated to this. It came in waves: neglect, anger, depression, suicidal ideation, hopelessness, self-attack, breakdown, intervention, self-abandonment, extreme sloth, numbness beyond the realm of textual representation, sick of my state, denying help, anger and then release. Release of it all. When I say ‘I gave up’, that seems so small in text, but defined ‘the rest of my life’. This had been culminating for 4 years and I finally just gave up. Career? never. Healthy diet? never. Friends? They already all left me so nothing’s gonna change ‘cause it hasn’t. Love? either I said I can’t ‘cause of my mental state or idk. Being happy? it hasn’t been possible.

    I adopted a new phrase: Until death. It kept repeating in my head. I had a new set of goals and motivation in my life. My goal was to avoid being happy. It was to never seek love or really get anything serious, idk. My goal was never to get a better paying job, but get enough just to live on my own. Push everyone away, not get lied to by people’s flakiness. Be in a shitty apartment and watch my 30′s, 40′s, 50′s and maybe even 60′s alone. Eat junk food and clog my arteries as no one cares and everyone has forgotten me. What’s the use. I tried. I FUCKING TRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I couldn’t do it. After 4 years, I was alone, I had no social life, I couldn’t score a woman and I was too creepy to even get close to the first step, I had eaten junk food most of my life and it was affecting my mental and physical health, I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t advance because I couldn’t stay long enough, my mental health was blocking my success rate before I started telling people it was blocking my success rate, I was at odds with my parents, Missy was in Chicago, no matter what I did I just couldn’t progress. It wasn’t worth it. I just let it go. My life and my desire to be happy. And that was a commitment. Hard as it would be for my family to have to endure that, I didn’t do it for them. And they didn’t have to suffer. But they did.

   Missy graduated the year we're talking about now. To preface that, the whole family had vacationed to New Orleans sometime.....2014? idk, but my mental state and circumstances had made me a recluse. My family was outgoing, talking with Uber drivers and the person kind enough to let us use their house instead of a hotel. They experienced New Orleans and were having fun. But not me. I was not fully there. I was withholding myself from participating. I was quiet. if you knew me when I was myself, I was the opposite of quiet and shy. But the darkness had just become me. I was barely participating, sitting away from people and not saying a word, focusing on rooting my phone and occasionally talking about it, not talking to humans outside of my family and not speaking with a sad, distant, vacant expression.

    I learned something through my silence. Usually, if there were family problems, I’d be overly involved and not able to think straight ‘cause I’m thinking of all the perspectives and dividing my attention up multifold. I wasn’t like this in New Orleans. When I said nothing, I got to listen more; I got to see what I hadn’t seen all this time. Or at least what I didn’t bring into focus all my life. And that was more true sides of my family through their interactions. The fighting over nothing and people from different perspectives. The escalations and how my family just doesn’t understand each other. If anyone else is reading this but me, you can learn more than you can possibly imagine when you say little to nothing, sit back and let the conversation you normally are involved in happen in front of you. Don’t interact, just let it happen. Watch what you don’t pick up. Our compassion is valid; we can also get carried away and not notice what’s fully going on right in front of our faces.

    Much changed from that much as I used to. Optimism is ideal in moderation, as is everything else. My father was so aperspective shift. I learned more about where we are as a family and I didn’t brush it under the rug as ngry that my standout silence and being a weird, burdensome stick in the mud of a family vacation was affecting everyone and our time together. Not to mention my sister moved out...........2013? I forget. She had been in Chicago so we don’t see her everyday. Things had changed. I had moved back, but for a small amount of time, mom and dad had the place to themselves. That part of your kids growing up and leaving. He confronted me angrily and I learned something else by what he said. You would think he would say something based on how I’ve prefaced this, but instead what uttered from is angry face was:

“Do you have any idea how much money I’ve spent?!”

    Sometimes, maybe many times, the way you say something or the first thing you say reflects where your focus is at. I disagree this is always the case. But in that moment, I believe as a man whose life revolved around providing for his family for 20 years, became focused on that primarily. The man can love. The man loves him family incomprehensibly. Never doubt that. But I learned not only of his perspective but how men (traditionally and mostly) make their life’s purpose of providing....larger than love, communication and interaction. All of that is still there in my father at this point, but when it wasn’t, I learned why.

    Back to the point, Missy was graduating. I had been at Jimmy John’s a bit and even though New Orleans was a while ago, I only got worse for vacations. And going to Chicago was..........terrible. My sister had always been a social butterfly and extravertive. Our personalities were now white and black. I didn’t know how to talk to people. I didn’t know how to socialize. I didn’t want to. I’d been burned so much that I forgot how to be a human being, and also tried not to be. The silence and seclusion as people were in my sister’s living room, talking, was bizarre. People would kindly ask me about me and raise small talk and I don’t remember how much I’d say if I said anything. I think I’d straight up ignore people. It was extremely awkward. I was introvertive, shy, quiet, ignoring and reserved like I was an extreme trauma victim or a mute (no offence meant to either an victim of a crippling trauma or mutes). My sister was in love and trying with this man that turned out to be an asshole. But at the time, my sister was showing me her life and a very important man in her life and I was just letting it pass me by. Was it as simple as just getting over it? Faking it and putting on a face? That, is the opposite of who I am, and I couldn’t just shake this off. I was alone for 4 years and upset about it. It changed me so much that you don’t just pull out of that. Who Matthew IS. PERIOD. at this point. IS. too far gone from who he really is and so deeply warped and shaped by his depression that who he IS is hopeless and functionless.

    Her boyfriend got me a present. I practically said nothing. I watched my sister graduate. I don’t remember it. This is trauma. This has affected my caring, my memory and my attention span. I’m not myself or a functioning human. PSA: it is possible to get out of the habit of many things you don’t think you could get out of the habit of. Like social interaction, how to talk to people, react to things. It wasn’t the darkest point, but such a troublesome time. I was 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% darkness and 00.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% myself. There has always been a voice inside that never wanted this. That disagreed with the (verbal) self harm I’d convince myself. After a while, if you tell yourself the same thing, whether it’s good or destructive, you’ll believe it. You’ll trick you mind. Same thing with your environment. You become affected and accustomed to your environment to some extent. When you don’t realize it.

But this was never me. Me just got smaller. The darkness took over. The darkness was my Caretaker, which leads me to...

[minchiutau]

QUARTET NIGHT LIVE FLY TO THE FUTURE 2018 Report (Day 1&2)

Most details are from 1st day because we usually can’t see 1st day performances except for MC in DVD/BD anyway so i tried to focus on writing details of performance from 1st day more than 2nd (tho in term of perf there weren’t many differences) It contains most of the MCs and my thoughts about it!

Warning: Both reports and translations of the dialogue ARE not 100% accurate.  It’s based on what i and my friend remembered and took notes of. The post is extremely long! And i spent tons of time typing this so there might be a lot of grammar and typing errors. I’d be happy if you would overlook all of my mistakes here!

Edit: Let me apologize for the extreme delay.. I actually had this finished a week after it happened, and i was probably super tired when i finished it. I’m not sure how that happened, but apparently i didn’t post it and this had been sitting on my drafts for six months because i went on a hiatus afterwards.... I realized it after opening tumblr a day ago. I was super sad because it was so long and i spent tons of time writing it.. if possible i don’t want to delete it so here it is!

Opening lines by QN members

Opening VTR, there isn't anything like last QN live but it was visual picture slideshow of previous live and it shows how QN has been around since 2012~now. QUARTET★NIGHT instrumental was playing on the background.

Followed with clock'tick tock sound, bell rang and the main stage monitor was split into two and QN appeared with gold stage outfit and big clock on the background! Tattsun and Morikubo had similar hairstyle to the previous live with minor change (styling?) while maenu had brown hair tied like in 6th live melting of snow performance and shoutan with ai's hairstyle+hair color (bleached in some parts, not entirely but it looks really nice!)

1. THE WORLD IS MINE I actually guessed this would be the first song and i was right! It started with really pretty acapella ;;_;; THEIR HARMONIES WERE PERFECT IT WAS LEGENDARY like it was probably one of the best harmonization i've heard in my life (if previous live wasn't enough) I kinda forgot what happened during this performance because i was too amazed by how good they sang tbh. Pretty sure people know how good QN harmonize, but this one was especially good! If i remembered it right, there were some dance moves! The audience also sang "The world is mine!" part in the bridge, it was fun! I literally cried the moment they appeared i can’t remember much AHAHA //sweats

2.Poison KISS As soon as the intro started people around me went crazy with their screams xD It's more or less similar to what we've seen in previous lives. Do they have any tradition bc they always sing this song since 3rd live xD Except of course, they were dancing a lot more now and this song is actually one of the good example of their improvements! This song is still as hyped as always. They walked from the main stage to the front stage and during that they also did some poses and fanservices

MC (or not really since they were talking in character voice the whole time? kinda like opening serifu) Maenu: *Camus butler mode* Welcome to "QUARTET NIGHT LIVE FLY TO THE FUTURE" ladies and gentlemen. I'm Camus and let us enjoy tonight together. *Camus usual mode change* Or did you really think i'd say that, you peasant?! Be sure to follow us to the end. (In 2nd day camus didn't say the peasant thingy tho idk why) Shoutan: I'm Mikaze Ai. I'll make it a fun and dokidoki live until the end! *throw kiss* Tattsun: It's Kurosaki Ranmaru! It's finally our rocking time! Let's enjoy it till the end! Morikubo: Rei-chan’s the one left here~! My girl and my boy!! It's okay for Rei-chan to start first, right~?! and it went right to the next song

3. On Your Mark! I personally thought that this song sounds hard to sing (maybe bc of the key progression??) but Morikubo did great! His singing was super stable and consistent, as usual. He danced A LOT more on this one! Probably the most i've seen from reiji's solo so far! And he did super great! ;; It’s similar to the perf he had in 6th live except i think he did even better this time!! He must've worked really hard! He forgot a bit of his part in 1st day xD but he recovered right after!

4. Futari no Monogram I HAD FEELING THIS WOULD COME bc it was the only ai's solo shoutan didn't sing in QN 1st solo con.. and I definitely saw improvements! He was dancing (almost) all of the time and but he sounded A LOT more stable than 5th live (and i think 5th live was already great) it looked so easy for him xD But all in one it's similar to the one we've seen previously, except i think there were some additional moves? (Edit: many parts are entirely different too) In the end shoutan also said "Da~isuki" like 5th live, except it was in a bit more playful tone (kinda teasing tone?) Overall i think he did even better than 5th live! He also did some fanservices and i personally like the part where he fixed his silver gloves.

5. Saintly Territory Maenu appeared with his (this time a bit thin?) white mantle and did the dance like in previous live! Same with shoutan, i think he improved a lot with his singing stability and this time it sounded extremely stable and he looks a lot more relaxed with his dancing too!;; I really love how they keep on improving even tho they were already that good to begin with. He came to from main stage to front stage and suddenly he appeared with camus' stick from halfway and danced with it! xD He danced a lot! I’m not sure if it’s in this song or not but if i remember it right on first day, he also gave us a fanservice of him smirking in front of the camera and people went crazy over it (i mean, me too AHAHA)

6. BE PROUD Remember how legendary 6th live performance of this song was? Yeah, this time it was equally amazing. He appeared with stand-mic and it was a straightforward+simple performance, yet his singing was really amazing i kinda stopped swinging penlight.. The adlib on the bridge was really powerful and it just hit me hard i almost teared up ;; On last reff he went down on his knees and made really pained expression ;; in general he had pained expression on his face and it made me emotional.. also the trademark super-long notes in the end was also there, it was just amazing! I got chills. Personally i like last reff "hoeru shika naku (I have no other choice but to howl)" because he sounded like he was actually howling. BUT SERIOUSLY it was extremely emotional, both days were powerful and all in one it’s just simply amazing. Fight me you don’t like Ranmaru and tattsun after you listen to this performance AHAHA

The screen suddenly said "Acoustic corner, Reiji Camus", Morikubo and Maenu appeared with long sleeves shirt. Morikubo (reiji's) was black (with stage-like vest?) and maenu was white (with blue tie).They greeted the hall and live-viewing audience. Maenu wore camus' glasses. They said they were doing something new, which was acoustic corner! The band (?) was preparing on their back while they were doing the MC. Chairs were also prepared for them and they talked while sitting on it, also telling the audience to sit throughout acoustic performance.

Day 1 They talked about there weren't many chances to have only the two of them on MC and how rehearsal have passed in a blink of eye. It seemed like they were doing it under a lot of pressure (considering last live extreme high quality i'm not surprised tbh lol) Maenu: "It's hard to gather all of us together on the rehearsal" Morikubo: "We only managed to get all together once (?!) on the rehearsal. We sometimes did it with three of us present and for some reasons most of the time one of us couldn't be present." (audience sounded surprised! Me too, they performed really good together i just didn't expect it) Maenu: "I started rehearsal mainly from September. Though of course,  i received choreography videos beforehand." Morikubo: "The red person started really early, didn't he?" (audience laughed) Maenu: "He always got to start rehearsal really early every live" Morikubo: "He always got to start really early i couldn't help but thinking "Eh?! He started already?!" when i heard it." Maenu: "And he'd contact us with "I started with it!" first everytime" After that they were talking about the live and how it started with a new song! Apparently they were practicing it it a lot to the point that they saw it on their dreams lol Morikubo danced a bit (?) of the choreo with his hand, pointed at Maenu and said he often did those moves (practicing the move, the usual maenu’s greatness; not sure but i think it was killer kiss moves?) xD They talked about how it was the first time for the four of them to perform an acoustic corner on utapri live and that the live was fun. Morikubo: "I always receive the choreography video from the dance teacher first and i got to voice my opinion first if the dance was too hard or if it needs to be changed into easier moves. If i'm okay with it then the three of them will follow. (Because he's the oldest) Until now if some parts were too hard i'd say so and got scolded by certain someone (Tattsun LOL). But this time, after receiving it I said nothing about it and did it the way it's supposed to be." (Audience cheers) Maenu: "The choreography was really hard, wasn't it?" Morikubo: "Neverthless, our duty this time is to follow after Quartet Night. If the four of them are supposed to do it that way, then we will do our best to follow after them. We did our best without making excuses." (Audience cheers) Morikubo: "Up till now, there are a lot of idol groups existing right? They dance and sing." Maenu: "They do." Morikubo: "But look at us, we're dancing, singing AND harmonizing. Isn't that rare to be found?" Maenu: "It's rare indeed!" Morikubo: "We're dancing, singing AND harmonizing! (2nd time xD)" (Audience cheers) Morikubo: "If the four of them aim for even higher level, we'll also aim for it and chase after them(characters)!" After that they called for the acoustic band members. They also talked about Maenu's Camus glasses and apparently, Maenu being the biggest Camus fan he is, got the glasses by himself xD (If i remember right it got sold out really fast so i think he meant he put tons of effort to get it)

Day 2  They talked about how they’re doing it on Kobe this time. Up till now utapri live (or most events actually) was held in kanto region/near tokyo but this time the live was held in kansai region (Psst as someone who lives in kansai i’m extremely happy) They greeted people at live-viewing. Maenu: *to the camera* “Can you see us here?” Morikubo: “Live-viewiiiing!” Some of the audiences in the hall went “Fuuu~↑” even tho they were calling for the live-viewing LOL Maenu: “*a bit puzzled* O--oh I could hear their voices, i heard the Fuuu~“ xD From this point they’ll keep on doing this few times if someone let out voices when they were calling for people in live-viewing LOL There was also a small accident of the staffs bringing wrong water-bottle for Maenu (it was tatsu’s) xD They talked about how the penlight color change was automatically controlled by the staffs (like the one on previous live) Morikubo: “I thought it was amazing!” Maenu: “At first i thought ‘they changed the color so quickly!!’ but it seems like that was not the case” xD Morikubo: “Ah, but it’s possible to switch it into your favorite color, right?” Maenu: “Yes, it’s possible to do both” Morikubo: “If i say a color right now would it be possible (for the staffs) to change the color right away?” Maenu: “It’s supposed to be on programmed automatically isn’t it?” Morikubo: “Let’s try it!” Maenu: “I’m not sure, we haven’t told the staffs beforehand!” xD Morikubo: “We haven’t told them anything!” Maenu: “They must be panicking right now” Morikubo: “Everyone, I’ll say ‘red’ so please switch your penlight into another color and don’t change the color manually! Let’s see if it’s possible” Morikubo: “Here i go, red!!!” They waited few seconds and the color didn’t change xD Morikubo: “So it’s not possible!” *audience laughed* Maenu: “It has to be programmed beforehand” in the middle of their talk suddenly all of the penlight on the hall turned red Morikubo: “OHHH IT’S RED!!” Maenu: “That’s amazing!!! The staffs definitely panicked just now” Morikubo: “I’m sorry for doing it suddenly!”  Maenu: “(it’s all in red) So this is what Tatsu saw while singing” Morikubo: “(to audience)Ah, you can turn it back to your favorite color now. Thank you very much for your cooperation” They talked about how the concert hall is a good hall (and i totally agree) and how they could see the audience clearly. Then they talked about how it was a 2 days concert as opposed to prev one. Afterwards Morikubo told us that they’re ready to do it for another day or two xD Maenu agreed Maenu: “Even the rehearsals were fun. Of course there were a lot of hardships, but the sensation of being able to stand with the four of us.. it’s just addictive” Morikubo: “Lately, there’s something all of us often do. Inside the dressing room, when the four of us were sitting in front of the mirrors and our songs were played on the background, we’ll do an imitation/impression of our own characters”  Maenu: “A bit exaggerated one” Audience screamed “Do it~~” and the two of us fell into silence all of sudden xD Maenu: “If you said something like that of course it’ll come into this!” Morikubo: “It’s more or less just what you always hear from us” Audience told them to do it again Morikubo: “Yesterday we talked about such topic. We were talking about how Shouta used to sing demos of most utapri songs and we asked about how he did our character voices. *stares at maenu* How did he do Ran-Ran again?” Maenu: “?! I’d be the one doing it?!”  He did an impression of Ranmaru’s “Arai hou ga ii~” of Poison kiss and it was super funny! xD He made his voice really hoarse and also made funny expression with his eyes wide-opened LOL Morikubo then apologized at him for making him suddenly do it Maenu: “You told me to do it!” Morikubo: “I wasn’t expecting you to do it with that expression” Maenu: “I’m sorry please forget the thing i did just now” LOL Maenu: “At rehearsal we often do something like that to fill the part of the member that wasn’t there. For example Morikubo-san’s part” Morikubo: “They’ll start imitating ‘Tee ↑ ee↑ (the vocal swing he often does, you’d probably get what i mean if you listened to Reiji’s singing in general)” Maenu: *imitates* “More and More and~~(poison kiss w/hands movements too)” Morikubo: “It’s not “Mori mori ok?!”  (means to do something vigorously in japanese) Maenu: “Even all of those things were really fun” Morikubo: “Camus’ (impression) were amazing too you know” Maenu: “Tatsu totally did that on purpose!” Morikubo: “If Tatsu comes later, tell him to do it here” And they called the band

7. KILLER KISS When they talked about how they were going to perform it acoustic i actually couldn't imagine how it would sound with this song but it actually sounded really pleasant! I mean, it sounded a lot quieter than the actual song so you could hear their great voices and amazing harmonization crystal clear! It sounded really refreshing! They also did a bit of the little hand choreography similar to the one on 6th live. They sounded really powerful!

Shoutan and Tattsun appeared. Shoutan had white shirt with lilac-colored flower on his left pocket and Tattsun had black shirt they also talked while sitting like Morikubo and Maenu (At some parts they also stood?).

Day 1 Shoutan talked about how it's refreshing to be able to talk with just the two of them and tattsun agreed to it. In the middle of convo Tattsun just went with sudden "Let's introduce ourself" and the audience laughed. Shoutan: "Everyone, good evening! I'm Mikaze Ai's good friend Aoi Shouta!" Tattsun: "You went with that?! I'm the one who's always standing closest to Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa." Tattsun: "Aaa~ It's refreshi-- *looks at shoutan turning his back from audience* Hey! Don't fix your belt here!" (Shoutan a bit panicking lol) Tattsun: "This is why before the live started i told you not to eat that many cream puffs!!"* (if you don't get this reference go search for game and drama CDs involving Ai lol) Shoutan: "That's not true!" lol Tattsun also said Morikubo and Maenu talked a lot so almost no topic left for them to talk xD Shoutan told the camera to zoom at Tattsun's nails. Apparently at previous lives Tattsun's nail colors were normal red but this time he finally had Ranmaru's burgundy dark red! Also Shoutan tried to let his nails grow but at rehearsal two of it hit the mic and broke. He also had Ai's color nail btw. Tattsun: "This time, at rehearsal we were often together. Of course we were looking at each other practices a lot too. The more i see him, to be honest I could only see Shouta as a girl!" Shoutan: "You said that a lot! Stuffs like "what's with that body line!?" Tattsun: "His girl power (女子力) is increasing day by day! If it's me i definitely wouldn't be able to do it! For example this pose *posing*" Shoutan: "This one? *posing*" (hard to describe so take a look at matoni-sensei's report pic here! the pose at the very middle of the pic) Tattsun: "How did you do that?" *imitating but failed* (Audience laughed) Tattsun: "This time, for example the dance, like previously talked, we're following the footsteps of our characters. As they go higher, we as one try to follow them. To begin with I only do stuffs like this once a year here you know!" Shoutan: "This kind of chance doesn't happen often, right? But actually tatsu-nii at his own will, you know, even after the rehearsal was supposed to end--" Tattsun: "Hey~ Stop this topic!" Shoutan: "When the rehearsal ended he'd go around saying "I'm sorry, can i do it just one more time?" you know! Of course we have to make sure we're in good condition by resting well too, but his feelings reached me and it made me want to reply it with same thing." Tattsun: "Right, at that time i had the time so i tried to use all of my time practicing and when i realized it i've been doing it for six and half hours." Shoutan: "Really, how many times did you do the live that time?"   (Audience laughed) Tattsun: "And Shouta was also there the whole time."(Not sure if he said he was standing there or singing behind him) Tattsun: "To be honest, I couldn't produce Ranmaru's voice easily. And so i'd need time to adjust my throat beforehand. Sometimes i got frustrated and was troubled with it alone. And at such times, he'd come closer to me and said "Tatsu-nii, what about doing quartet night songs together?". Among us, Shouta　is the one who's always trying to consider others feelings. At that one time all of us got together, we were troubled with a thing and couldn't come into agreement. At such time, Shouta was the first one to speak up "What about doing this way? Maybe it's going to change for the better!". He was always thinking about our feelings and what to do about it. In that way, he's the one supporting our backs and i think that's what's good about him." After that they talked about how they're going to sing after this with the acoustic band. Tattsun: "We were talking a lot prior to this performance, like how to make it sound better and what to add and improvise." Shoutan: "That's right, we talked a lot about it." Tattsun: "I was thinking of supporting Shouta while he's singing freely with his all, but actually Shouta also adjusts with how i'm singing. It feels like a matchmaking (お見合い)." Shoutan: "It feels like we're sharing same atmosphere!" Tattsun: "It made me feel like, "Ah, so singing with others could be this interesting!" It's really fun. I haven't had chance to sing with someone with such a different type of voices and it feels refreshing. *suddenly bowing?* Thank you so much" Shoutan was off guard because Tattsun just suddenly thanked him and was like "nn?!" xD Tattsun: "So, are we doing it?" Shoutan: "(to the audience suddenly) Do you want to hear us~?" (and of course we said we want to hear it) Shoutan: "They said they want to~" Tattsun: "Why did you start it and answer it yourself?" (Audience laughed xD) Shoutan: "I'm sorry" (Audience screamed "Cute~!") Tattsun: "That part! That's the cute part of you, you know" And i kinda forgot what they said after this.. but not long after they started with title call and the next song started! Day 2 Shoutan: “Good evening~ It’s finally our turn” Tattsun: “No matter how many times we did it, it always feels refreshing to be here (doing MC) with just the two of us” Shoutan: “It does! The previous two’s MC/perf was really heated up” Tattsun: “Right” Both: ”Right~” (audience laughed xD) Tattsun: “First, please introduce yourself” Shoutan: “I’m Mikaze Ai’s best friend, Aoi Shouta!” Tattsun: “I’m the one with privilege to stand closest to Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa” Shoutan: “Isn’t it interesting that our introduction changed a bit everytime?” They talked about live-viewing and called out to them Shoutan: *to camera* “How are you guys?” Tattsun: “Everyone at live-viewing places, how are you?” the audiences in the hall went “Fuuu~↑” again Tattsun: “I could hear voices even though it’s supposed to be live-viewing! Amazing!” LOL After that they changed topic into the outfits they wore on acoustic corner Shoutan: “After the first day ended, there was something a lot of people were talking about regarding this acoustic corner. As opposed to our previous gold outfits, in this corner we have a shirt as our outfit. *Tattsun spun to show the audience his outfit*”  Shoutan: “It has Ranmaru’s color on it” Tattsun: “(the red cloth of the lower part of his outfit) I requested this” Shoutan: “For me, i wanted a symbol at Ai’s left chest. The staffs also added Ai’s color on it” (whoever manage to understand the symbolism i love you) Shoutan: “The real topic starts here. The shirt i’m wearing right now is  an oversize shirt. So it has a bit of kare-shirt (It’s a situation when someone is wearing their lovers’ clothes) vibe on it. “ *audience loud screams* xD Tattsun: “Right” Shoutan: “And that’s..” Tattsun: “That’s why you should just say you were staying over in my place” *fangirl squeal* Shoutan: “And there’s the fact that the two of us are doing MC together too.. For a moment i thought 'Eh?! Did i actually stay in Tatsu-nii’s house and borrow his shirt?!'”  Tattsun: “I thought it would look good on you, so you can have it” *embarrassed shoutan* xD Shoutan: “This person right here... Why does he always say this kind of embarrassing lines like it was nothing?! This is embarrassing” (you two so cute stahp) Tattsun: “Could you stop getting ‘seriously’ embarrassed?” xD Shoutan: “Of course i would! *to male audience* Even male would feel the same, right?!”  A male audience answered and tattsun laughed at it Shoutan: “I told you so!” Tattsun: “I could hear your voice (male audience) really clearly! Wait a bit, let me take off my in-ear monitor. (He looks happy to hear them) *male audience cheers*  Tattsun: “This is awesome, i could hear you guys really well! *laughs* Oi, you guys sure have great voices!” (they both look really happy xD) Shoutan: “And obviously, all of you girls, it made your heart throb right?!” *audience cheers* Shoutan: “I told you!” Tattsun: “Wait a bit, why did you put yourself in girls side?!” LOLOL Shoutan: “After standing on many stages of utapri, i feel like i could understand what everyone is thinking about!” Tattsun: “That’s what i told you in the rehearsal wasn’t it?! When i was watching your solo, i told you 'Your girl power(女子力) is increasing even more!'“ Tattsun: “Especially when he was dancing and singing, his body-line definitely doesn’t look like a male!  Shoutan: “Really? *does the same pose as the one on 1st day MC* I ended up doing it like that” Tattsun: “If i’m the one doing it, it looks like a plastic model *does the same pose* So stiff” Shoutan: “But in return you have the coolness of Ranmaru!” Tattsun: “All i could do is being aggresive (オラつくit’s a bit hard to explain)” Shoutan: “That’s Ranmaru!!” After that they talked about flower stand! (btw for some reasons if i go to QN events i always see many cool and artistic flower stands so if you’re curious be sure to look it up) Tattsun: “We wanted to see it by ourselves but it was close to where the audience was waiting so we couldn’t see it. But our managers took a VTR of the flowers for us and we all watched it together. While we were talking about how big and pretty it was suddenly a panel appeared and we were like ‘Eh?! You can create such flower stand?!’” Shoutan: “It was amazing wasn’t it?” Tattsun: “And also, i know it’s a form of love and i probably shouldn’t say an unnecessary comment like this, but there was a flower stand with Ranmaru’s silhouette and an instrument on it. The thing is, that silhouette wasn’t a bass, it was a guitar!!” Shoutan: “A-Ah, the instrument Ranmaru plays is..” Tattsun: “Bass” Shoutan: “And what came was...” Tattsun: “Guitar...” Shoutan: “That was close! So close! B-but it was a silhouette so..” Tattsun: “But.. it was a guitar...” Shoutan: “So close!” Tattsun: “That shape was probably an SG (gibson SG? i’m not sure) guitar..” Shoutan: “You sure know a lot!” xD Tattsun: “*asks a band member* Right?! But i could feel the love and so i think ’It’s okay, a guitar is fine too’” Shoutan: “After all, they made it so pretty!” Tattsun: “Indeed! Among them there were also outfits right? The quality was so high i thought ‘Eh?! Did we wear that outfits?!’” Shoutan: “Eh?! It’s the real thing?!” Tattsun: “Did we give/show the real thing to them?!” xD Shoutan: “Was it leaked somewhere?” Tattsun: “Without realizing it, do they know our three sizes?!” Shoutan: “That’s bad!!” Tattsun: “No way, no way!!! We’re in trouble!” (what are you guys doing LOL) Afterwards they talked about how it represents audience love for the series Tattsun: “It was so amazing it feels like being on an exhibition! Don’t you think we could charge an admission fee for this?” Shoutan: “That’s right!!” xD Tattsun: “A lot of people also sent it directly to certain character and on that part too i could totally feel your affection for them.” Tattsun: “Yesterday, after 1st day ended we had a small after-party with the four of us plus few people. We talked about a lot of things there and there were a lot of talks full of love for the series. We’ll talk about it in depth after the four of us are all here.” Tattsun: “Also, on dressing room lately, doing an impression of QN members has became a trend, right? Shoutan: “We do impression of each other’s characters. It’s before the live so tatsu-nii brought a stereo--  Is this the right word? I’m hopeless when it comes to such thing..  ” Tattsun: “Shouta” Shoutan: “Yes?” Tattsun: “Ba~ka” (in teasing tone asdhjkf what is this, a shoujo manga?) *Audience screams* Shoutan: “ *a bit of sulking tone* He said i’m an idiot..” Tattsun: “That’s called a bluetooth speaker!” Shoutan: “Ah! It’s a speaker!” Tattsun: “Don’t just go and group everything into 'latest model machine’!” Shoutan: “I’m sorry.. -- so he used a speaker to play the setlist of this live inside our dressing room. And then we’ll hum or sing along” Tattsun: “I thought if there’s no sound maybe the atmosphere would be a bit gloomy so i brought a rather big one and played the playlist of the setlist. And when i did that, suddenly we could hear Rei-chan that wasn’t Rei-chan” LOL Shoutan: “You’re right. After that we would hear an addition of one more person, and another one, we would then hear someone who did an impression of ranmaru, and so on...” Shoutan: “But the thing is, when Camus’ part comes..” Both: “All of us would do it” LOL Shoutan: “It was amazing wasn’t it?” Tattsun: “All of us would gather and sang the “kindan no kajitsu~♪ (killer kiss)” Shoutan: “We did it. Not only our own character, but did such to another character of the same group” Tattsun: “We did it” Shoutan: “Ai’s impressions were also amazing” Tattsun: “When doing Ai we would pucker our lips” Shoutan: “That’s right! Actually, i have such a small mouth/lips so when they’re doing it like that i could hear some similarities.. Tomo-nii also did it. That’s what’s trending on our dressing room lately” Tattsun: “When doing an impression of Ranmaru, all of them would sound so hoarse!” Shoutan: “First of all we would strain our voices” Tattsun: “Raise the distortion to the max..” Tattsun: “Do you still remember the first time you voiced Ai?” Shoutan: “I do! At that time i was just started learning how to be a voice actor. With an illustration of Ai right in front of me, I was thinking of how to make him alive. While thinking of such things i would practice over and over again. After spending a lot of time, i finally managed to do that.” Tattsun: “The staffs were really careful about it weren’t they?” Shoutan: “Yes. What about Ranmaru? How was it?” Tattsun: “A bit roughly but at that time I saw all of the utapri series first. And at that time, i thought that there weren’t many people with low tone voices. As a senpai, when i read the script at that time Ranmaru also said so many harsh words. I was thinking of what to do with it and came into conclusion that to make it sounds manly i should do it with low tone. And so it became like that.” Tattsun: “But that time, i didn’t give it much thought and let out the lowest tone i could at that time.” Shoutan: “I see!” Tattsun: “And so when i’m voicing Ranmaru i have to keep my throat wide opened the whole time” Tattsun: “The first time i thought ‘i’ve done it wrong’ was at the singing recording. At that time i realized that i have to practice hard to produce Ranmaru’s voice well. Especially at the very beginning, i have to warm-up my voice well before recording something as Ranmaru. At that time i’d practice “*Ranmaru’s voice* Oi” with my throat wide open.” Shoutan: “And so it becomes Ranmaru” Tattsun: “*points at the area between throat and chin* the shape of my face here would disappear (bc he’s keeping his throat open).  It would turn into a neck of a dinosaur. ” xD Shoutan: “But after going through all of that Ranmaru was born” Tattsun: “That’s right” Shoutan: “A lot of stories were there”

And they announced next song

8. HARUHANA ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE: BEAUTIFUL. I guess this one is easier to imagine in acoustic ver. It sounds really classy~ I must say this arrangement fits this song A LOT! Both of them sang super emotionally ;; Tattsun used softer tones at some parts and shoutan sang some parts more dynamically than others creating an emotional performance;; When this song was released i saw someone said that they voices don't go well with each other, but nah they really need to watch this performance. Their chemistry was heavenly.. their timing, the way their voice overlap and harmonize, even how they put power in their singing, it was a perfection. To be honest, the two of them in this performance probably had the best chemistry i've ever seen in utapri live performances. They shared A LOT of eye contacts! (they were staring at each other like most of the time? lol) They also inserted really pretty adlibs and even harmonize on it. Before last reff they sang it really passionately before suddenly (intentionally) stopped singing for seconds and left a bit of silence. After seconds they start again with really emotional last reff! It was amazing. (Explanation: "Oru youni kasaneatte, koe e to, uta e to~~~ (long notes) Aa *stops for like 3 seconds* yokaze ni fukarete...") Also last reff's "..mune wo sasu kedo ↑" was improvised as the notes went up instead of down. I couldn't say anything other than perfection. I personally like their perf of this song on the first day more than the second day (tho of course it was awesome too) so i kinda hoped utapri would ever release DVD/BD of 1st day of their lives too...

A bit of MC. Tattsun said that because they finally had the chance to sing acoustic they wanted to sing with the four of them and called Morikubo and Maenu!

Day 1 Morikubo said he had two things to say to them Morikubo: "First, the two of us talked about a lot of topics (that Tattsun said they have nothing left to talk) because it took a lot of time for the band to set their instruments on the stage!" xD Maenu: "It can't be helped!" Tattsun: "Talk about of such circumstances when we're on backstage instead of here!" (Audience laughed) Morikubo: "Also second, Tatsu is amazing with his practice and all, but sometimes there's also time when he's only stretching for 2 hours!" LOL ((After this they talked a bit more but i forgot the details, i think my memory went overcapacity starting from here, i'm really sorry //sweats)) They talked about how QN appeared for the first time at 2012. If i remember it right Tattsun also said previous live was only last year (6th) but he felt like it's been longer than that. I didn't remember who brought it up first (Tattsun maybe??) but they then talked about how Shoutan used to provide his singing for the demo/prototype version of utapri songs before the respective seiyuu sing the song! (I think a lot of you knew it already, as people around me already knew abt this too) Shoutan: "You promised you won't talk about this, right?!" xD and they realized they didn't give us enough explanation about what they were talking about and decided to explain. Maenu: "For a period of time, Shouta used to sing for all utapri demo song alone by himself. " Tattsun: "Not to mention, he also sang it the way the character would" Morikubo: "You did STARISH songs and Quartet Night songs right? And what about HEAVENS'? Shoutan: "I also did HEAVENS song!" (Audience and the rest of them were surprised) Tattsun: "That's why, i mean, isn't it a good idea to release those CDs?" Shoutan: "*panicking* No way! No way!" (Audience screamed they want it xD) Shoutan: "It's only good because they (respective char/seiyuus) are the one singing you know! Demo songs are just demo" Tattsun: "Even so, how did you do sing it (the way other characters/seiyuus would)?" Shoutan: "Of course, first i heard each of their CDs. After that i tried thinking of how to sing it so that it's easy to understand who is singing which part. If i sang it all the same way, it'd be hard to understand!" Morikubo: "If that's the case, for example how would you do it if you're doing Ranran's part?" Shoutan: "Wait!! I'd get scolded for this!!" xD (Audience laughed) Tattsun: "You won't!" Morikubo: "Like first, do you need to get your feelings fired up or such? Tell us how you do it! Maybe the audience will have the chance to sing Ranran's part at karaoke or something!" (I kinda forgot this part) Tattsun: "But for some reason, when everyone was imitating Ranmaru's voice, they'll make their voice hoarse. And they'd start saying "I'll kill you!"? Ranmaru didn't even say such thing!" Maenu: "We, and other utapri members (starish seiyuus?) sometimes imitate other character voices on rehearsal and practice." Shoutan: "We did! Also personally same here, when doing Ranmaru's voice i tried to make it sounds threatening (? (LOL xD)) and put my attention on creating more breathy sounds” Morikubo: “Did you hear it guys? Breathy voices!” Shoutan: “But the original singer actually didn’t even do it on purpose right?” Tattsun: “Yes, i’m not aware of it myself” Morikubo: “What about me?! Me?” Shoutan: “With Reiji i’d insert many vocal swings” Morikubo: “Ah, i see!” Shoutan: “Even with Ai there are times i used that kind of singing technique, but after listening to a lot of songs i tried to think of the way i could get the feel with my own voice” Maenu: “What about me?” Morikubo: “With Camus, the first thing is to put in a lot of sugar right?” Shoutan: “Yes xD a lot of sugar cube!” *Tattsun agreing lol* Maenu: “So how did you do it?” Shoutan: “With Camus.. i tried to sing a bit through my nose?” Maenu: “I see! It’s like when Tatsu imitated my voices with bad intentions (LOL) He does it a lot on the dressing room” Tattsun: “Didn’t you do that a lot too?!” Maenu: “We all do! *shoutan and morikubo laughed* Morikubo: “When we all stand side-by-side the ‘let’s imitate other characters tournament’ would just suddenly start!” Tattsun: “Inside the make-up room we were all sitting side by side. At that time the setlist of the concert was playing on the bgm. And then suddenly someone would just start singing a part that isn’t even theirs!” Morikubo: “Didn’t you *points at Maenu* also sing your own part exaggeratedly?!” Tattsun: “He did!!” *shoutan laughed*  Tattsun: “What were you even doing?!” Maenu: “I just thought maybe it would be interesting, i tried to guess how my singing sound for people around me” xD Morikubo: “In the prev live i talked about how singing with the three of you feels so good, right? This time while listening to ourselves in acoustic corner, the existence of Maeno’s solid low notes, Shouta’s clear high notes, and for mid-high notes i’ll be there together with Tatsu’s mid-low notes, make a great balance.” Shoutan: “I thought so too!” Morikubo: “Especially because it’s acoustic you could hear the voices clearly. It felt so nice! What do you guys think of it?” Maenu: “I ag...ree with you *stumbled with his words*” Tattsun: “Which position are you standing on right now?! Also where is your glasses (camus’ glasses) ?!” Maenu: “I took that off” Shoutan: “You took that off!” Maenu: “It’s a coincidence but our voices balance out each other extremely well. They’re so compatible with each other. It’s such a wonder.” Morikubo: “What do you guys think of it? (audience)” *audience claps* Morikubo: “Today is the Culture Day (a holiday in Japan) but we’re able to be here. Why don’t all of you start your own QUARTET NIGHT with 4 people around you right now? (xD LOL)”  Tattsun: “Live-viewing too!” And they show themselves on camera for people in live-viewing! Tattsun: “It’s QUARTET NIGHT~~~~” (his tone was so cute xD karunai dayo~) Tattsun: So, a lot of QUARTET NIGHTs would be born from among the whole country today? (LOL)

Morikubo: “Let’s sing together shall we?” They talked about the outfit a bit before getting into the next song

Day 2 After the performance Tattsun said that it was really fun and called for the other two. Morikubo&Maenu: “It was a great performance!” Morikubo: “I could listen to your (haruhana duo) talk and performance forever” Tattsun and shoutan laughed Shoutan: “Really?!” Morikubo: “I mean it. But Shouta, how could you mistook a speaker for a stereo?!” Maenu: “But i think Tatsuhisa who mistook a video for a VTR (video tape recorder) is also more or less the same” Morikubo: “What has gotten into you?! a VTR?!” *to tattsun* Tattsun: “EH?!” LOL Shoutan: ”I sure made a grave mistake..” Tattsun: “At least i didn’t say something like ‘a beta’ (betamax)” Morikubo asked the audience about the acoustic corner Morikubo: “It felt really good” Shoutan: “It was fun!” Maenu: “It was!” Tattsun: “During today’s rehearsal showtaro-san also talked about this but I feel like we could make a lot more stuffs with this corner” Morikubo: “Like for example, an acoustic live or something” (OMG YES PLS) *Audience cheers* Maenu: “It’ll be great” Tattsun: “For example wouldn’t it be nice if we do it with night sky in the background?” Morikubo: “Our dream keeps on getting even bigger” Tattsun: “We keep on saying this kind of thing, i’m sorry!” (about what they want to do in the future onstage without consulting to staffs xD) Morikubo: “I think it’s important to have a specific dream!” Maenu: “It’s also important to say it out loud” Morikubo: “That’s right, let’s keep on saying it. Right, everyone?” a bit of short silence Morikubo: “You’re not going to say it?!” LOL Everyone laughs Maenu: “It’ll be nice if it becomes true in the future!” Morikubo: “When the two of you were talking I could hear the voice of ‘my boy’ (male audience) so clearly! Let us hear it again, ‘my boy’!!” *male audience cheers* Maenu: “Oh! It’s amazing!” Morikubo: “*to a male audience* Thank you! It makes me happy!” *male audience cheers*  Tattsun: You guys sure have great voices! I’m so happy!” (he looks super happy xD) Morikubo: “What about in the live-viewing?” Tattsun& Maenu: “My boy?” Morikubo: “My boy!” Morikubo: *to the camera* “My boy in the live viewing~!!” *Male audience in the hall cheers xD* Shoutan: “There must be some of them!” Maenu: “I could hear them!” Tattsun: “That true, even though it’s live-viewing i could hear their voices!” LOL Maenu: “It reached us! Words filled with feelings definitely gets across, doesn’t it? xD Morikubo: “Right, it’s amazing. We’re so grateful that a lot of people from the whole country came to see us. Thank you very much” Morikubo: “This time it’s a 2 days concert. What do you think of it?” Tattsun: “Yesterday i felt extremely nervous.. I was full of momentary nervousness, but as i talked on previous MC the four of us had an after-party, didn’t we? It seems like i was really happy. The moment i woke up today all i could think of was about that!” Morikubo: “Actually, it seems like the four of us were really happy about it” *the four of them laughs* Morikubo: “We’re surprised about it ourselves. But it seems like the four of us put our arms around each other's shoulders and walk back to the hotel on that position!” (o mg cute) Shoutan: “It’s a real story!” Maenu: “We were all pretty drunk” Tattsun: “To reach the hotel there was a bit of distance so we decided to just walk to the hotel. The four of us keep on putting arms around each other during our walk back to the hotel! “ Shoutan:“That’s true!” Maenu: “Our managers happened to be on the lobby of the hotel and took a picture of us!” Tattsun: “They were like, ‘what are you guys doing? It’s funny so can i take a picture?’  and took a picture of it! Morikubo: “It was so fun!” Tattsun: “It was a blast! We talked about a lot of things” Morikubo: “We were able to feel this feeling thanks to the group named QUARTET NIGHT. So, Shouta, how was it?” Shoutan: “Even though yesterday was only the first day, I already felt like tearing up many times on the stage.. I tried my best to endure it”  Tattsun: “It’s okay to cry though” Shoutan: “And this person would say something like that!! Near the end when i was about to tear up he would come and say “Oh? Oh? Are you about to cry?” (he’s like provoking shoutan to cry xD) and i’d say “That’s not true!” ”  Tattsun: “That’s okay Shouta~ if you cry I’ll pat your head”   (asdahkf) Shoutan: “But in truth, *points at maenu* tomo-nii was also about to cry in certain song!” Maenu: “A sweat, i was just sweating a lot!” Tattsun: *points at maenu “This guy right there, all he could do it say stuffs like that till he actually breaks into tear!” Maenu:“It was just a sweat!” Shoutan: “Something like that happened! Everytime i stand on this stage, i could feel all of your feelings directly. It directly reached my heart. I’m sure, it also reaches the four of them (chars) directly too.” Morikubo: “It’s our second solo live, so to surpass our previous live, we thought a lot about what our stage is supposed to be. For example the acoustic corner. After this too, we have a lot in store to show all of you here in Kobe. Please look forward to it!” Tattsun: “Among us, Maeno is the most passionate about QN, isn’t he?” Maenu: “That’s not true, all of us are equally passionate about it!” Tattsun: “Of course, we’re all passionate about it! But in terms of concentrating himself to the characters, i feel like he inspires us the most.” Maenu: “That’s not true!” Morikubo: “That’s true, whenever i see him he’s always practicing!” Shoutan: “Exactly! Everytime i’d see him practicing on the corner of the room” Tattsun: “So, how’s this concert for you?” Maenu: “Just as always, while looking forward to it i hope i could leave good memories in the history of QN’s journey. Every moment is so precious and dear to me, it happened to me during 6th live too, but that’s why when the show ended and i have to take off the sparkly and beautiful outfits, i would feel so sad. But of course, if there’s a beginning eventually there will come an end too, so i want to create a lot of memories with all of you before it ends. “ Maenu: “But really, the moment four of us are all here together, i always feel so at ease. It just feels like we’re unbeatable. It’s so addicting.” Morikubo: “That’s true.” Tattsun: “I agree” Shoutan: “When we’re practicing there are a lot of formations. In most of them, we’re supposed to stand a bit apart from each other, but when we started to talk with each other without even realizing it we’d suddenly stand so close to each other!” Tattsun: “Without even realizing it!” Morikubo: “in the previous live something like that happened too wasn’t it? Even though the stage was big, suddenly we all were already in the middle of the stage standing so close to each other! We’re supposed to use the wide stage!” Maenu: “I mean, don’t you think it’s already unusual for four fully-grown adults to walk back to hotel with their arms on each other’s shoulder?!” xD Tattsun: “And the thing is, aside from QUARTET NIGHT we actually always go on our separate ways, right?” Maenu: “That’s true! Even if we meet on another works we’ll just say greetings and go our separate ways!” Tattsun: “Actually this time, the day before the concert, i heard that we could do rehearsal on the hall and i was on the same bullet train with Maeno. I met him in the station of Tokyo. We exchanged “Good morning” and just went our separate ways just like that!” Shoutan: ”Eh?! Really?!” Morikubo: “You didn’t come together?!” Tattsun: “We just exchanged good morning. It’s not like i had any reason to go together with him.” (The way he said it was a bit funny xD a bit tsun) Maenu: “That’s right! I was buying something in the convenience store and Tatsu came in when i was about to quit the store. So it was like ‘Oh so you’re going to buy something here, i see. See you later!’ “ Tattsun: “And so i replied ‘Yeah, i’m going in. Later!’ and went to opposite direction“ Maenu:“But the moment we met up on the rehearsal we would start saying things like ‘Let’s do this part!’ to each other.” Shoutan: “That’s very like Ranmaru and Camus!” *audience laughed xD* Morikubo: “You’re right! That’s exactly the same!” Shoutan:“Exact same!” Morikubo: “The two-shots of these two is interesting so let us see it! *goes away from the other two and gets closer to shoutan* Yesterday when we were eating together it was like that too. They were like Ranran and myuu-chan” Maenu: “But at the group line Shouta also enthusiastically does stuffs like that!” (acting like characters) Tattsun: “He said stuffs like that!” Maenu: “He’d say stuffs like ‘I won’t forgive you if you’re late!’”  Shoutan: “We uploaded a photo of our hands and mics, didn’t we?” Tattsun: ”We actually created a diamond on that photo” (the more you know) Shoutan:”We’re a group so it’d be better to upload it on the same time. Showtaro-niisan suggested that we all upload it on 21:00. Tatsu-nii edited the photo for us. After he sent it to us, tomo-nii replied with “Can’t be helped, i’ll use it” (like camus xD)”  Morikubo:”Then our whole in-char conversations started!” Maenu:”*points at tattsun* He replied with “You’re not being honest” Tattsun: ”That’s normal thing to say, right?! If you’re going to use it you could just say thanks, right?!” Shoutan:“And they i’d reply with “*Ai’s voice* They’re at it again” and added *back to usual shoutan* let’s do it on 21:00″  Tattsun: “We sure talk in our characters personality don’t we? Shoutan:”We do!” Morikubo:”Speaking of LINE, we actually have an utapri all cast group line and yesterday all of the STARISH members gave us encouraging messages.” Tattsun: ”It made me really happy!” Morikubo:”All of them did!” Tattsun: ”We’re standing here right now as QUARTET NIGHT, but we want to treasure the fact that it’s STARISH who opened the path for us. So it makes me really happy! I feel like that it fired us up even more, it made us stronger” Morikubo then said that they’re going to sing the next song and he suddenly told tattsun and maenu to stand beside each other to which maenu replied with “It’s not like we’re close with each other or anything!” xD and they started with next song

9. Marriage

Because it was acoustic arrangement there weren't any background vocals so instead they sang all of the english background vocals live too (ex: "under the starlight~ let's find our love part" etc) and it was really pretty! ;; if i remember well it's mostly shoutan for higher octave (i thought i heard female voice LOLOL) and switched between maenu/morikubo/tattsun for lower parts! Tbh listening to the reff reminded me how much maenu has improved with his singing/harmonies. It sounded really pleasant. On the middle of the song they introduced band members (i think it was percussion, violin, guitar, bass and keyboard??) while they were sitting on the front stage floor xD it was cute!!

Questions VTR. Seiyuus were asked some questions about their characters (impression, stuffs they like about them, etc) Maenu joked a lot, (or stuffs he said were just purely funny lol) shoutan too! In general it was really funny! But it was pretty long and fast so i didn’t manage to remember/take note of most of them, i’m sorry!;; Stuffs written here are not in order and is more or less just the gist of it. They didn’t show each of their full interview as one but instead cut their sentences halfway, switch to another person and so on so it was a bit hard to remember their full answer but here are the questions:

Was there something you couldn’t understand from your character?

Morikubo→ “Thank you very very Macho-cho “ LOL Tattsun→ How harsh he was toward ppl around him Shouta→ He sleeps on siting position LOL Maenu→ He puts way too much sugar on his drink (Saw that coming xD)

Which part do you like from your character from the very beginning?

Morikubo→ As a moodmaker, he actually could read the atmosphere well Tattsun→ He’s extremely straightforward and devoted (abt his work/in general?) Never compromise (to aim for better thing) Shouta→He’s like a cute younger brother. His voice is beautiful LOLOL Maenu→ His “strong heart”. He’s not afraid of being hated and says stuffs the way he think it is. 

What was your first impression of your character?

Morikubo→ Bright but hard to figure out (his inner thoughts etc) Tattsun→ Scary Shouta→ Difficult to deal with Maenu→ Full of dignity

When did you feel like you’ve become best friend with your character?

Morikubo→ The moment  “Yoroshiku Macho-cho “ was born  Tattsun→ The moment some parts of Ranmaru he didn’t know started to appear, when he felt grateful for the chance to learn more about Ranmaru Shouta→ The moment he learned that Ai is not a human being Maenu→ The moment he woke up and mistook Jan 23 (Camus’ birthday) as his own birthday

Is there something you still can’t understand about your character?

Morikubo→ Wonder how did Reiji become such a “strong” person Tattsun→ “Aside from his honest and serious personality he also cooks well, is kind to animals, Isn’t his ‘spec’ too high?!” He said he couldn’t forgive Ranmaru for being too ‘high-spec’ xD Shouta→ He still sleeps in sitting position (He talked about how sleeping on bed def works better to recover yourself many times LOL) Maenu→ When he drinks something he put in a lot of sugar

What is something you like from your character now?

Morikubo→ (not sure i’m sorry;;) He pushed himself to limits for members Tattsun→ Everything (Aaaaaa) Shouta→ Became a lot softer. Understands his own position well Maenu→ He doesn’t try to flatter others/sugarcoat things

Is there a (bad) thing you want your character to fix/improve?

Morikubo→ He’s strong but he should stop keeping his feelings bottled up inside and relax more Tattsun→ He should stop wearing different color contact lenses for both eyes LOL Stop depending on color lenses Shouta→ Stay the way he is Maenu→ He’s drinking way too much sugar for his health

Is there anything you hope for your characters?

Morikubo→ There must still be a lot of Reiji’s side we’re not aware of so he should show us more sides/charms of him Tattsun→ Stay just the way he is Shouta→ Ai might be a robot but he should meet a lot people, move forward with his comrade, treasure each of the moment of his life Maenu→ He believes Camus could make the impossible possible so he wants to see him fly in the sky LOL

What should you/character do to achieve higher heights?

Morikubo→ Not only about what about to happen in the future, for now they should look at what is right in front of them. Tattsun→ They should clash more, and at the same time also try to understand each other, tolerate each other more. Shouta→ They should sing more variety of songs Maenu→ They might not in ‘that’ good term with each other, but in return those colliding powers are creating an even stronger power. By that, they boost each other up and that’s the kind of group QN is. They should keep going they way they are.

If you were to describe your character in a word, what would it be?

Morikubo→ Wedge Tattsun→ Flame Shouta→ Love (Ai) Maenu→ Ice  

All: “That’s.. QUARTET NIGHT” And next song started! Outfit change, white pants, white and their respective colors? a bit casual, design is different for each of them! 

10. The dice are cast Powerful singing, as we already knew! The choreography looked like 5th and QN 1st solo con? They moved around the area and stopped when all of the carts became one in the middle of arena seats. I also noticed that tattsun's part of the adlibs on the bridge was a bit different (improvisation with higher notes and i think i heard him doing it in both days)

11. STARLIGHT MEMORY I PERSONALLY LOVE THIS SONG so i was really hyped up for it! They sang while still on the cart and like on QN 1st solo con they used stand-mic for the choreography. It was really heated up, the "Just say Quartet Night!" parts were also sang by the audience and our voices were LOUD! It was fun!

12. Evolution Eve The first acapella sounded as heavenly as what i've heard in previous lives! ;;_;; Also the first acapella which was supposed to be lines without harmony for some reasons was harmonized? pretty sure it was tattsun with higher harmony! The instrumental break dance part we already knew from previous lives were changed, i'm pretty sure it wasn't the same. The previous one was good but this one was even better! I remember morikubo doing a really smooth turn. Proud of their improvements!

13. Double Face *Camus butler mode voice* "Let me show you my everything" *Camus usual mode voice* "You peasant! Fine, i'll do it according to your wish. Witness my 'love'!" Suddenly Maenu appeared with this song! I wasn't expecting this at all but it was a good surprise! Two dancers in white and black (like in QN 1st solo con) were present and maenu was also singing on a stand-mic. It was really similar to QN 1st solo con performance. As usual his voice change was amazing! In first day, it was clear that maybe the fast voice change made him a bit confused sometimes tho xD it was cute.. In 2nd day he did super great tho! One of my favorite thing about watching over QN seiyuus’ growth is watching Maenu getting more confident and glowing each live ♡ 

14. Synchronism Shoutan appeared on front stage with dancers. Apparently his outfit this time had animal ears (i'm not sure is it cat? or not..) fur hoodie and he had his hoodie up! It was extremely cute!! The dance was similar to 6th, but i think there were additional moves? Also if 6th live performance wasn't cute enough this one was even cuter it was illegal //no On 2nd day he also made a lot of different expressions from the one in 1st day during dance break (you probs know which one if you watched 6th live) As expected from shoutan, lot of fanservices were given! In 2nd day last reff "Amaku shite~" part he gave us a thrown kiss too! lol Been thinking about it for a while but it’s actually amazing how stable he was even at extremely low notes.

15. Not bad Tattsun and dancers came from main stage! He danced most of the time and both his dances and singing were amazing and powerful! ;; Also i'm really sure some parts of the dance moves changed entirely, for example the reff's "yoku kike yo, nidoto wa iwanai ze" part? It was such a passionate performance and i have no words except it was SUPER COOL ;;_;; There was also fire burst (?) stage effect and it was cool! He walked from the main stage to front stage! Instead of singing it, the music suddenly stopped and he said the "Ore ni *a bit pause* tsuite koi (follow.. me)" as a serifu

16. NEVER Morikubo appeared with his hat and he threw it away xD I think he improved a lot with his dancing compared to previous performances of this song! The choreography looked similar to the one on 5th live with some additions? I really love the part where monitor behind him turned into a big green　→　rainbow ferris wheel! ;; I personally really love Never's Reiji and the performance was wonderful ;; On the quiet part he usually went with falsetto on "honki to iu na no imi ga tsumatteru" but this time he went full power on that part! He also inserted a bit of adlibs after that and it was pleasant

17. Non-fiction Main stage was engulfed in red light and non-fiction intro was played, people around me went wild xD Tattsun and Maenu appeared sitting on a (what seemed to be) luxurious sofa while singing! It's interesting how the way they sit reflected their character personalities lol (Maenu legs crossed? and tattsun had his right leg up on the sofa) lol Maenu had his camus glasses on. They also danced a lot on instrumental parts and did some poses/combination dance(?) together! I love how they were posing with the sofa (for example if one of them sit the other stand behind the sofa etc) and also posed together (ex maenu put his hand on tattsun's back etc). Tattsun "Aaaa ↑" high notes part (you know which one) sounds amazing on live, it was powerful and on point. They also danced a lot on front stage. All in one it was GREAT and i’m pretty sure a lot of you would like this performance a lot

18. Fiction Started with pretty adlibs. As opposed to Non-fiction, It was an emotional and melancholic performance. Their harmonies were really pretty and their singing were great/emotional too! They weren't doing many moves, instead at some parts it feels much like drama posing (There were still kinda melancholic choreography at instru break). It somehow had really sad vibe ;; Shoutan was a great actor, they posed like stageplay at some parts. For example shoutan (ai) was looking at morikubo (reiji) but shook his head and decided to turn back, or morikubo staring at shoutan from afar, etc. At one part they had their hands up and joint their hands, but shoutan/ai let go of his hand and went away ;; At the end they stared at each other and shoutan/ai walked away from the stage first (from the middle of main stage) and morikubo/reiji followed after. The outro was still playing, with only falling petals (2nd day correction i think it was white feathers?) being lighted-up. I kinda teared up during this performance

All: "Fiction or non-fiction"

19. KIZUNA As usual, the harmonies of this song were really pretty. They also sit on main stage stairs and pose like car-scene on the anime (like they did on QN 1st solo con) with morikubo acting like he's driving the car. The whole thing felt similar to QN 1st solo con, it was amazing nonetheless. Last slow part never fails to make my eyes teary ;; I MEAN who doesn’t.. they also did the last part where they pointed at the characters on screen. 

20. QUARTET★NIGHT I ACTUALLY WASN'T EXPECTING THIS TO COME HERE LOL but i love this song with passion bc it's the start of QN so i was really hyped for it! The choreo was also similar to QN 1st solo con. I personally think their 3rd live (aka 1st appearance as QN ever) of this song was unrivaled, but this performance was probably even better than that! It was easy to see how much they improved and i was extremely happy. Their vocals gave me chills and it also reminded me of when i first came to like QN, it was amazing.

Morikubo/Reiji told us it's his DJ time (wasn't really DJ-ing like prev live tho) and introduced dancers as the rest of them sit on the main stage stairs. They took turn to introduce the dancers. Reiji→Ranmaru��Ai→Camus

Tattsun (in Ranmaru’s voice) told us it's last song after this

21. FLY TO THE FUTURE I knew it LOL I guessed this song would be the last song after encore and i was right! When i first heard this song i was amazed at how QN managed to even surpass their previous harmonization with this song. The live version was amazing, their harmonies were heavenly. It was perfectly done, i can't help but crying halfway... They also danced quite a lot on this song. There was LONG (like 10 secs?) pause before the serifu "Arigato, soshite kore kara mo" (last reff after "nakeru hodo waite~").  Basically they sang That part was really emotional. It's also fun to do "Fly to the future~" call with other audience. It was easily one of my favorite QN performances of all time.

Encore “QUARTET NIGHT!!” calls started. I think i LOVE the Kobe World Hall they're using this time. It's not as small as previous QN solo con (to the point that the "Quartet Night" call wasn't really that loud bc there weren't that many people to begin with) but it's also not too big to manage a perfectly synced encore call. It's probs one of the most synced encore i've heard in my life (in BOTH days). Actually, i was really moved by how amazing the audiences were this time around. Super interactive and cooperative. The acoustic of the hall was amazing, both voices and instru were easy to listen to and sound crystal-clear. It’s easily one of my favorite concert hall ever.

22. Force Live They danced the choreography from the MV (except maybe the kick thing at the beginning lol) This song sounded great without autotune btw LOL i have to say QN sounds great on their own so they sound a lot better without autotune live. There isn't much to say except both of their dancing and singing were awesome! Morikubo also did front kick on 2nd verse if i remember it right! It was really cool watching the MV on the screen behind while looking at their performance/dance. You could see how much effort they spent to perfect their performances.

MC Announcement→ Renewal of utapri movie website Day 1 by Camus Day 2 by Ai (+DVD/BD announcement of the concert) Day 1 Maenu: “I’m the one trusted to voice Camus, Maeno Tomoaki. I’m sure all of you managed to feel the characters through our performances, so i’m not going to talk a lot this time. It’s been a year and half since the first solo live. At that time, i talked about how i was the only one without any singing career among us and how i felt about it. I felt like i had nothing at the beginning. Of course, i still feel it now even if it’s just a bit. But now that i look back at it, maybe i was able to bring something new to the group precisely because i had nothing. And i was able to do it thanks to the other members, all of your support and the utapri staffs. Thank you very much. As for me, i’ll keep on chasing after Camus’ back. If i have the chance again in the future, i’ll do my best to perform as Camus onstage. So, from now on please keep on supporting STARISH, QUARTET NIGHT and HEAVENS. Thank you for coming today!”

Shoutan: “I’m the C.V of Mikaze Ai, Aoi Shouta. Whenever this time (last MC) comes I somehow could never put my thoughts together well.. This time, we got to sing a lot of new songs. Among them are the newest Fiction and Non-Fiction. The recording was a bit painful and i got to feel a lot of different feelings. Up till now I always felt like i just couldn’t catch up to Ai and it gave me chance to think a lot about myself.  Their time (chars), and of course our time will never stop moving forward and will pass. I hope Quartet night could be the group to keep on challenging themselves. I really love all of the members/my comrades. Being able to stand on this stage always makes me rethink about a lot of things. With these feelings, I want to be able to find more “possibilities” and take it to the future. I’m really grateful to be able to stand here. Please keep on supporting utapri!”

Tattsun: “I’m the one standing closest to Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa. I had a lot of things i wanted to say. During the rehearsal, when i was practicing with the members of QUARTET NIGHT, i felt something. At that time what crossed my mind was ‘Ah, today i feel “scared”. My heart was racing, and it reminded me of the first time i became Ranmaru. ((Stuffs i couldn’t remember after adjalksjf i’m really sorry;; I think he said about how he was not sure if it’s alright for him to stand as Ranmaru onstage and also made a joke about it but i just can’t remember what was it ;;)) But the ‘idol’ Ranmaru is, without me even realizing it, has already moved so much away in front of me. The Ranmaru inside me keeps on telling me “I should do it like this” and thanks to that i caused a lot of troubles (bc he keeps on being idealistic), practice a lot. I would imagine how all of you would react and feel, and to be honest right now I’m extremely anxious. When i stand as QUARTET NIGHT, i could hear all of your supports directly, and seeing your happy expressions i’m just glad i could be here. Everytime, i’d think about how i just purely love all about this series. I love all of my comrades (starish+heavens too?), there’s no one i dislike, I respect all of them from the bottom of my heart. I love each of them. And so that those words won’t turn into lies, I hope that all of the people watching this, be it here or on live-viewing could feel it through my performances today. That’s the only thing i have on my head right now. I’m really happy i could stand as Kurosaki Ranmaru. It’s all thanks to the staffs, utapri casts, all of you who come today, a lot of others who couldn’t come today, STARISH who opened the path for us. I couldn’t thank all of you enough. Thank you!”

Morikubo : ”To all of you who take us to the world we could never imagine before, to QUARTET NIGHT who gave us the chance to spend this time, thank you very much. (the topic mentioned in prev MCs) It’s true that we’re the one standing closest to our characters. But we’re standing ‘behind’ the characters, the one standing besides them is all of you. You’ll be the one guiding our characters, and so that the four of us could also move forward. This time we’re blessed with a chance to do a 2nd solo live, so of course I intended to do my very best! Experiencing a lot of things, in previous solo live the word “payback” naturally became our theme. And after that we got the chance to stand on 6th live with HEAVENS also joining us. I was happy at that time for the fact that at that time we had ‘future’ performances waiting for us. The words “evolution” “thanks” “kizuna/bonds” of course are still naturally here with us, and we’re about to see what’s going to be the next theme. Did you manage to feel something through us? Thank you. From the day of last solo live up till today, i’m sure QUARTET NIGHT was the one taking all of us to the future we have today. From now on, please keep on standing by your favorite characters! Please create a future for us! We’ll be following from behind. Let’s enjoy it just like that! As long as we have your love and feelings, we’ll keep on advancing. I hope to see you again if the chance comes. I’d be looking forward the day when we could dance, sing, along with STARISH and HEAVENS in front of you again. To all of you on the hall, live-viewing, thank you very much!!”

Morikubo : “Sooo~~ what do we do now? *laughs* Let’s drink the water shall we?” And they drank the water onstage xD love how the audience let out a big reaction and they were like we’re only drinking water here xD After that they had a short MC connecting to the next song

Day 2 Morikubo: “And n-now, for the e-end *stumbled with his words many times*  let each of us say our last messages! (him stumbling) It’s my body showing you all my feelings or not wanting it to end!” xD Shoutan: “I can feel it!” Morikubo: “Let us begin with Maeno!” Maenu: “*in camus voice* I refuse!” (audience screams) Shoutan: “So he feels sad!” xD Morikubo: “That’s a convenient word!” Maenu: “*in camus voice* Well, sure i’ll do it. Wait a bit" "closes his eyes for a while and opens it* Maenu: *back to normal “ I’m the one trusted to voice Camus, Maeno Tomoaki. Since October started and we started our rehearsal, almost every night i saw a dream of yesterday and today concerts. Expectations, anxiety, pressure, i’m sure i saw those dreams due to a lot of feelings. And now, to see all of you here, people on the live viewing, spending time together, it all feels like a dream. I’m sure even tomorrow and the day after, i’ll see it on my dreams. As a part of QUARTET NIGHT, i think i managed to create many great memories here. On previous live, our theme was to do “payback” to starish, to utapri and to all of us. And this time too, we talked a lot and decided on a theme but our journey of ‘payback’ will never stop as long as utapri still exists. With that as the foundation, so that a “ final destination” will never come to the future of QUARTET NIGHT, it’s a journey that will never ends. I’ll do my very best so that i could see the back of Camus who’s standing so far in front of me. From now on, please keep on supporting STARISH, HEAVENS, QUARTET NIGHT and utapri. Thank you so much for coming today.”

Shoutan: “This moment finally comes once again.. (audience says ganbare) Thank you! I’m the C.V of Mikaze Ai, Aoi Shouta. Did you have fun? While doing my very best to sing in front of all of you, i keep on thinking about what to say here. I had a lot of things i wanted to say, but whenever this moment comes I can’t put my feelings together.. That’s just how big it is. After the first day ended, we had a little after-party. At that time we talked about how there’s still today. There was still a future called “tomorrow” for us. I’m standing here today with the hope of creating beautiful memories together with all of you here, people on live-viewing and with all of the staffs. With starish opening the path, the four of us then joined in the middle of the story. To be honest, as a member of QUARTET NIGHT, i’d be lying if i say i didn’t feel inferior to others. But the fact that i could stand here right now and be with all of the people who love utapri, like starish and heavens, makes me feel that i’m actually spending the time together with everyone. To stand as a proud member of QUARTET NIGHT, to be someone who supports the utapri series which i really love from the bottom of my heart, that’s what i want Ai to become. That’s why, from now on as a part of QUARTET NIGHT, as Mikaze Ai, i’ll do my very best to liven utapri up. I hope to spend good time with all of you. I’m still no good, but thank you for always being here. From now on, let us love uta no prince-sama together. Thank you very much.” Morikubo: “You’re getting a lot better on giving comments. I talked about that with Maeno on the underground backstage when we were listening to your MC at acoustic corner” And suddenly Shoutan teared up ;;; morikubo then followed him up Morikubo: “Is that some kind of malfunction?” (ref to Ai’s identity) (Audience laughs)

Tattsun : “I play the role of Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa. I keep on thinking of what to say. This time, i felt anxious too. Yesterday Showtaro-san said a really good thing. The four of us are standing behind the characters, and the one standing besides them is all of you. I thought it was a really good words. I’m always chasing after him. He runs very fast, you know (audience laughs). He keeps on doing his best and moving forward. He’ll say “I want to do something like this!” “I want to do this kind of performance!” “I’m still nowhere my limit!” and will run even faster. I can’t help but think that “He’s too fast”, and everytime i have the chance to stand on this stage I always feel like it’s way too much for me. For me, objectively speaking as part of the audience, Utapri’s live is so fun. I always get overexcited like an idiot on the backstage. Humming the melodies of the songs. But i wonder if it’s okay for someone like that to stand here. It’s not like that i have something beautiful to show to all of you. But even so, i decided to at least do the very best i could. So that, i can proudly tell him that I’ve done everything i could. So that i could tell him I managed to let out everything he has to show. I’m standing here now so that i could say all of those words. I sincerely hope my thoughts could reach you even if it’s just a bit. The only thing i could do is to give him a voice and to push him forward. With my singing, i can move forward together with him. But the one who could take him further ahead, is all of you. You’re the one who makes it “amazing”. Isn’t it the best? Nothing but the best isn’t it? I really love utapri that gives me the chance to do so. I love STARISH, I love QUARTET NIGHT, and I love HEAVENS. I love everything about it. I could love all of the characters. I just love it so much. From now on there might be both positive comments and criticism. Bring it on! I’ll shoulder everything and stand behind the mic, be it onstage or not, as Kurosaki Ranmaru. No matter what it is, i’ll shoulder it all. I believe it’s all because of something carved deep inside of my heart. That’s why i’ll keep on moving forward just like that. To the future! Thank you so much for today!”

Morikubo: “Did you have fun? And live viewing?” Morikubo: “Just like the other three, i have many things i want to say. I came up with the words after listening to Tatsu’s “I’m the one standing closest to Ranmaru” yesterday. But it feels a bit off if i say ‘beside’ them, because each of us are standing behind quartet night. The one should be beside them is all of you.  Please take them to the future, and so the four of us will also follow, that’s what i said yesterday. And such feeling is getting stronger today. Just as what maeno said, we talked about how we should stand on the stage today. A keyword, our share motive. Up till now, it naturally came to us. For example on the previous live it naturally came to us on our LINE group chat. We then just naturally agreed on it. And having a keyword/theme managed to bring us together as a group. “If the four of us are together we feel at ease” we talked earlier was also something like that. This time, actually until the day before, we had no such keyword. But that’s actually something to be grateful about. In the past there were a lot of things, a lot of stories and hardships that built up and naturally provided us with a keyword. But this time, when we realized it we have nothing like that. That means we’re just purely advancing towards the live. Rather than something like “Let’s beat something!”,  it was purely “Let’s do the live!” kind of feeling. But in return, then it was hard to come up with a keyword. We were wondering if we should have one. The day before the live, this time too, Tatsuhisa started asking about it. I came up and say something like “Do you have a bit of time? Why don’t we gather and talk about it? It won’t take long” on our group LINE. Because the next day we have to wake up early, Maeno was about to stop us but suddenly he got no signal and it was unsent!” Maenu: “He said something like that on 12 pm when the day was about to change and we were all tired after practice!” Tattsun: “It can’t be helped! It crossed my mind when doing the rehearsal!!” Maenu: “So i was about to send a message about how we should just talk about it the day after, but suddenly i had no signal and it was unsent! Afterwards, the others were ready to do it so i have no choice but to erase that message.” Tattsun: “So that’s why! I thought it was rare for you to say nothing” Maenu: “And so in the end.. *gets it back to Morikubo*” Morikubo: “We ended up talking about a lot of things. Looking back at stuffs we’ve done in the past, and a lot more. And so a keyword was born. I won’t say it here. It’s the best to feel it through our performance. But there was talk about DVD just now, so maybe~ they will have a commentary video or something right? I’m not sure, i haven’t heard anything about it! But we stood onstage with that keyword on mind. I’ll be happy if each of you could feel it through our performances. And if someday the chance comes, we’ll talk about it there and not right now. This time we’ve done everything, the best of the best we could’ve done. We’re doing our best to chase after QUARTET NIGHT. If they move forward, we’ll do so too. We believe that all of you will take them even further. But Maeno, Aoi, Suzuki and Morikubo who are standing here right now, had done everything we could possible do. If you’re okay with us, if you’re okay with this kind of atmosphere and performance, the four of us will be more than happy to stand on the stage again! We’re serious about them. I’m sorry, but even if you try and search through the whole world, you won’t find someone who is as serious as we are toward them. Please believe in us for that matter! Please take them to the future. Will you show us the future?” (audience cheers) Morikubo: “Thank you! Thank you very much for today!” They then talked about how it’s not like them to be emotional. But then no one continued the convo bc they don’t want it to end and Morikubo was like ??!? Morikubo: “I understand that feeling! But! I’m not going to take up that offer again! I’ve became an adult” (He meant the scene on 1st live when they talked about not wanting it to end and he lay his body on the floor and sulked xD) And they finally got it into next song

23. GOD'S S.T.A.R The serifu at the beginning completely changed! *u* This song was so fun to do!!! The call and response was extremely fun and the hall was fully heated up by this song. It's probs hard to get the hype of this song if you haven't experienced this song live and only see this song on videos. BUT THIS IS the song that got the audience fired up/hyped more than any other song. The choreography was similar to QN 1st live and 6th live. I remember Maenu went down on his knees at some point at the reff and people around me went crazy over it!

Double encore I had feeling there would be double encore considering the amount of song they did plus they weren't changing into encore T-shirt on 1st encore. This time they had live t-shirt, Maenu wore camus prince parka on top of it. Day 1 Morikubo:  “This is the first time we had double encore right? *audience cheers*  Let’s go to the last song, the one that will unite all of us together. Let us begin!” *silent of other members xD* Morikubo: “Mmm?! We’re not starting?! You three had that kind of faces (of not wanting to start next song)” Tattsun: “If it’s possible i just want to get closer to everyone/audience”| Morikubo: “And now you’re saying something like that again~ Let’s do it shall we?” Day2 Morikubo: “Thank you for the double encore! I was worried all of you would just return home after that..” Morikubo: “It seems like we’re allowed to sing one more song!” Shoutan: “Yaay!” Tattsun: “There’s still that one song we haven’t sung, isn’t it?” Morikubo: “Let us sing that song! But please remember that when it comes to our feelings, we’re actually super ready to do another day or two!” Tattsun: “If it 's possible, to be honest i really want to do it” Morikubo: “We keep on talking about stuffs like that! But those feelings, please use that feelings to create a path to future!” And they started with the next song ;;

24. You're my life It seems like we need this song to end every QN solo con and i’m totally not complaining! They went around the hall with carts and the whole performance was similar with QN 1st live, except they were a lot cheerier and weren't crying that much?? (edit on 2nd day they did look teary) Since they were circling around, i also got the chance to see all of them up-close! ;; We were also singing lalalala part like in QN 1st solo con! I really love their smile at this song ;; they look like they were having tons of fun Audience also sang last "Kimi no moto ni todoke~" together and it was really touching. 2nd day "Kimi no moto ni todoke~~~~~~" was really long. On 2nd day i also remember the moment carts pass each other they did hi-touch with each other! tattsun and shoutan also had a hug? at one part

When they were doing the farewell greeting they went around like how it usually goes, fly to the future instrumental was playing on the background and the audience sang the "Fly to the future" part together ;; it was really touching!! At first day they weren't crying but i saw shoutan and maenu having teary eyes. 

Day 2 Shoutan was crying a bit, at one point he was crouching down and hid his face. On 2nd day audience was singing along to fly to the future too and they took off their in-ear monitor to listen to our voices and they looked really touched by it ;; They hugged each other starting from tattsun and maenu and so on. I remember tattsun and shoutan hug was a bit longer bc shoutan got so emotional and tattsun comforted him and patted his head ;; Shoutan was tearing up but at last moment before stage closes he smiled and it was memorable. When the stage was closing shoutan dragged morikubo close to him and shoutan+morikubo+tattsun peek through the remaining open gap and at last seconds Maenu also went to the middle except i could only see his rings in dark xD Also, can you believe that all of us the audience keep on singing along to the instrumental ver of QN songs (god’s star) EVEN AFTER the live ended? That’s just how cooperative and interactive the audiences were for both days and It was a BLAST. I felt so glad to be able to take part on it. The audience was extremely passionate and i’m sure you’d be able to feel it too even through BD/DVD vids. 

This felt awfully short compared to previous live maybe because the amount of the song! instead we got a lot of MCs tho. Utapri, thank you so much for getting all of these awesome people together. I can’t understand tbh, how did producer Agematsu gather four people whose voices blend like heaven even tho they have such a different voice characters...? Plus they also harmonize like heaven and perform really well.. I’m just so grateful I discovered such an amazing group.

(From Morikubo’s tweet!) Thank you so much for reading and i hope all of you love Quartet Night as much as i do ♡

[moldy-mold]

Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted.  At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan.  My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn��t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.” 
Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!
 https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

[r1ku]

@notchy tagged me! 🤗

🎂: May 28 !

Zodiac: Gemini ♊

Height: 5'3

Last Song I listened to: Gurenge - LiSA

I woke up thinking of this song today lol, because I'm still shocked Brendan Urie from Panic! At the Disco sang to it and watches the show lmao

Hobbies: talking to gaming pals on discord, playing mobile games, working on that webtoon recommendation document on Google doc, playing toontown rewritten, day dreaming, always typing down ideas and dreams to write or draw ONE DAY, in Google notes on my phone.

Favorite color: Purple ! 💜

Favorite Book: Coraline by Neil Gaiman

Tis the only book I have read a few times for sure. You know, I often thought I'd love to be a bookworm and wholeheartedly have several favorite books, but I'm not. I like the idea of it tho, I haven't read books in a long time. I mainly read manga and webtoons.

Last film I watched: The Grand Budapest Hotel by Wes Anderson

My friend and I have a lot of movies to check out, mainly horror flicks of korean or japanese films or martial arts films to watch. But that day he dropped this film to watch and I was able to and had never watched before actually. And we enjoyed it, it's very whimsical and comical.

I almost debated putting the last episode of kanata no astra, since it was like an hour long finale and One can watched several hours of 30 min episodes and not think of it as a movie, but when u think of an episode longer than 23 or 27 minutes, it FEELS like a movie lol even if its not 2 hours long. But nah lol

Dream Job: I haven't really, really thought about it. I've seen a few inspirational, thought provoking posts and tweet threads.

About how for some people you shouldn't make your passion your job, cuz you might end up hating your passion.

Or the one post that said they admired the character, Garry Gergich from Parks and Rec, for choosing a job that's decent pay and few but full hours, that allows him to spend time with his family.

Or the one tweet that talked about you should have several passions to look forward to like boxing or some other activity so you can spread out your feels and not be in a pit of negativity.

That said, I find myself to be a jack of all trades kind of person, I adapt well and if taught well, learn quickly to do just about anything right.

If anything, I will not think of the chains of reality and honestly answer this question focusing on dream part of dream job.

And thats to be a CEO of my own company that I made and create an animatiom company that can revolutionize the animation industry and crack the hammer of justice in various places that mistreat and mismanage and poorly pay hardworking animators and give them the lifestyle they deserve and lift people up and support them and not become a gate keeper. Da Drem *drops mic*

Meaning behind my url: I've had various urls, this url came from my bestfriend cat, who wanted the namine url, when i got her into kingdom hearts, but it's in limbo hell, I remember she waited 9 months for its release but its still like unavailable to obtain, idk now tho, that was a year ago.

I forgot what my url was before, maybe it was hong-seol and I finally, after 8 years, moved on from the spiel I had in firmly loving the character Sul, I still and always will even tho I dislike the comic's last season and how heavily the author suddenly gave us flashbacks all at once.

I told cat that KINGDOM HEARTS IS LIFE, I LOVE RIKU SO MUCH and she said "oh i was typing around and found r1ku is available" and i was like WHAT and i typed it and surely enough, it was available to my great surprise. And I am forever grateful for her and her mind. I ain't letting this go, as such its a personal blog and riku appreciation blog, I'll reblog all that I see and like.

I recently updated the mobile look, desktop look is perfect so i wont change that, but i had destiny islands gif from khnyctophiliac and that riku icon, that I have sources for in my about l sadly dont have time to update my about pages.

But I updated the icon to this destiny islands trio that has amano's kh3 manga art since it has riku in it and i love trios, from the khinsider website that posted icons ro choose from.

The bg is Phoenix Ikki from the Netflix Saint Seiya adaptation's ending, I love how dramatic that shot was with the song. I wish it could be longer, but I have no idea how people edit out credits for gif segments. I only used a quick gif making website that requires the video and can make cuts and speeds.

As for my sideblog, pink4walls, I am still, to this day enamored by f(x)'s - 4walls and especially their pink outfits in their live performance. This blog ia dedicated to hopefully making a thorough navigation system to find specific posts that inspire me to create. A creativity blog, if you will with things that caught my eye and references I want to use.

Thank you Notchy! A well deserved break from routine, helped me try to get more reblogs put there from my enormous 22k drafts, and gives people an update of sorts of me.

I tag @antheiafemme @ughliegirl @alfiethesnip

You may if you choose to, and its okay if you don't ! But first three mutuals to tag off the top of my head.