#just found this in my drafts and didnt remember making it but it deserved to be posted

[snekjin]

whenever Strome and Debrincat have to play each other:

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Tell me you love me, Bokuto x reader

Words: 2.4k 

Warnings: none, fluff, this is not angsty it is fluff please don’t take the title wrong 

Summary: How does one ask the love of their life out when others hope to do the same thing 

A/n: Guys this took me a couple days because I didn’t know how to write it then I had my sisters birthday and I spent a whole day lost downtown and so here it is lol sorry 

^^NOt my gif 

‘Everyone always hopes for a love at first sight type of love, and for Bokuto it was. The moment he walked into the class and saw you, the new girl, sitting at a desk talking to the girl next to you his heart instantly sped up and his cheeks flushed. He couldn’t stop looking over at you during class and the rest of the day all he could do was think about you and hope that you would be in one of his next classes. He was so excited to see you a couple more times throughout the day, like so excited he didnt know how to properly handle himself, or speak for that matter so when the teacher put you next to him all he could do was stare at you.

You outstretched your hand, “hi, I’m Y/n Y/l/n” you told him with a bright smile. With this bright gesture Bokuto also forgot how to breathe, all he could do was stare at you unblinking as he attempted to remember his own name. Lucky for him you saw another hand reaching over Bokuto’s desk.

“Akaashi Kenji,” he said with a tiny smile, “and this idiot is Bokuto Kotaro, nice to meet you.” He greeted before asking questions about where you were from and what classes you were in. Throughout this whole exchange Bokuto kept looking between the two completely awestruck at your beauty and completely jealous of Akaashi’s ability to have such a natural conversation with you. Before your conversation with Akaashi got too far the teacher promptly started class. The sigh of relief from bokuto was almost unreal, he was so thankful that he could now stare at the board and daydream instead of trying to act natural around you.

Bokuto was dumb, sure, but he also knew that you were absolutely gorgeous and that the other boys in the school would have to be blind deaf and stupid to not realize it. But he’d never felt this way so he had to make you his and he knew just what to do- write you a letter.

Bokuto spent all of practice muttering to himself trying to figure out what to say in his undying love letter. No one really paid him much mind because it isn’t unusual for him to mutter to himself and get really excited over absolutely nothing so it was just business as usual but when he got home was really when he was starting to make the magic happen.

Dear Y/n,

Hello Y/n, I’m Bokuto

The pretty girl next to me

I think you’re really pretty

“No no no no no,” Bokuto muttered to himself, he had been working on it forever and had made no progress and was now frustrated enough that he decided to give up.

Bokuto continued this cycle of trying to write to you and absolutely  finally before he turned to Akaashi for help.

“Maybe actually talking to her will help,” he shrugged, not giving it very much thought.

Bokuto however took this as the most brilliant advice he’d ever heard. He immediately began treating you as though you were his absolute bestest friend and quickly got to know so much more about you. He even invited you to hang out and study with him and Akaashi without even realizing it until afterwards and he just sat in his chair in the library for another twenty minutes just thinking about how he had just spent time with you. He was so happy but so nervous because he thought that you might not have had fun but when you saw him the next day and told him it was fun his heart fluttered.

Everything was working out for the two of you but still Bo had no idea how to ask you out. He kept trying with the stupid letters and didn’t know how to say something actually impressive to you and at this point others had started looking at you two and this was the one time he didn’t want to seem like an actual idiot in fear of being rejected. So he continued writing.

Y/n, I know this seems weird to get a letter, but I just wanted to tell you that I think that you are absolutely gorgeous. Your eyes are like stars and I would love to stare into them all day, and hold your soft hand in mine as we go through life together.

What I mean to say is, Y/n will you go on a date with me.

Hi Y/n, This is Bokuto, I think that you are super pretty and super fun and I love being your friend, but since the moment I saw you I just knew that you aren’t

‘No no no’ Bo sighed frustrated that he kept making himself sound like a freaking creep, he just wanted to tell you that you are super cute and he just wants to kiss your face.

The days with you at school were always fun and filled with laughter but when he got home from practice he could only find himself missing your smile and your touch and just craving it like he’s never craved anything before. Bokuto wants nothing more than to kiss you goodnight and to cuddle on the couch and watch some horrible show that neither of you care about and just the idea of you coming to his games and cheering for him makes him want to work even harder. Then the possibility of you ever wearing one of his jerseys to a game gets him so excited he can hardly control himself- until he remembers that it’s all in his head-for now.

The worst day of the year was approaching, well according to Bokuto who just decided this on his own. He was not ready to ask you out because all of his letters had been horrible and he just knew that all of the boys would flock to you this Valentine’s Day and just the thought of it broke his heart. He just wanted to be as perfect as you deserved but he wasn’t and it was devastating.

Well he still couldn’t figure out the right thing to say and today was the day. He was dreading coming to school because he knew that your locker would be filled with perfect letters from other dumb boys and he was just hoping that they would say or do something stupid so you didn’t even acknowledge them. When he turned the corner and saw your desk covered in chocolates and flowers that had been placed there even before the first class had started and he was fuming. You however came in and smiled as you looked at the little to from notes and enjoyed a chocolate or two. You offered a couple to Bokuto because you know how much he loves them but he refused all of them and huffed as he stared straight forward the whole class, pretending to ignore you. Truthfully Bokuto had spent the time thinking about how he could do something grand to win your affection but he kept drawing a blank and mentally beating himself up. The rest of the day seemed to pass just as such, every class he entered had you sitting there with a new set of something from boys desperate to get your attention and Bokuto entering to a few gifts here and there that he quickly hid from you so you wouldn’t think that he has anyone interested in him.

You, Bo, and Akaashi studied in the library after school today for some big math test that none of you were ready for and you ended up doing a couple of problems before sitting there and talking for almost half an hour before the librarian got mad at you and kicked you three out. Slightly discouraged the three of you headed to a coffee shop for just a little bit before heading your separate ways.

When Bokuto got home he angerily dumped his bag on his bed and plopped down beside the pile of chocolates and letters that were gifted to him, unwilling to look at any of them. Little did he know that you did the exact same thing. You both ended up laying face down on your beds for what seemed like an eternity before you gave in and texted him first. You didn’t want to seem like a creep but you had been checking your phone nonstop and wanted to know the answer.

Hey um

Hey Bo, I just wanted to know if you got the love letter I wrote you

Sorry to bother you but did you happen to read the letter I wrote

Hey, does this mean it’s a no if so I can leave you alone

Well shit none of these worked, so there was only one choice.

You: Hey I like you, now read the letter I left on your desk 

The moment his phone buzzed Bo popped right up and saw your message, he had no idea you wrote him a letter and this means that you had no idea that he did either. Bokuto had shoved all of the letters in his bag so quickly that he realized he never actually checked to see if one was from you, he just assumed that you were getting way too many things to possibly have been thinking of him and boy was he so wrong, but now he hoped that you had said the same thing that he had. 

Bo: Read what I wrote you, in your backpack

He was grinning at this point and haphazardly threw the things one by one off the bed until he saw your messy handwriting on the front of a little piece of paper.

Hey Bo, I know it’s cheesy but do you want to go on a date with me? _ yes _ No ❤️ Y/n

Bokuto stood there in absolute shock, you had given him almost the exact same letter he had given you. You had no idea what he meant about it being inside your backpack but you didn’t care, you dumped your whole bag out only to find the paper the two of you had been doing problems on with his note scribbled on the bottom and tucked in your bag before you realized it. Little did you know that Bokuto had done another thousand stupid drafts in his head today before realizing your time together was almost up and he was too scared to ask you in person so he just settled for scribbling something quick down when you went to the bathroom and hoped that you found it eventually. It was one of those moments that only fate could have led you to and it was something that you were thrilled about.

Bokuto luckily messaged back first and you two set up a date two weeks later (he had a match this weekend and even though he wished he could skip it you refused and pretended you were busy as well) and the date went absolutely perfectly. The two of you just get along so well that there is little work ever needed in your relationship especially because Bokuto has gotten good at the one thing he dreaded most, writing love letters. Literally any time he thinks about you now he writes you a little letter and either gives it to you or sticks it somewhere for you to find later. At this point he has become a full poet and is writing you the most complex and emotional things that he didn’t even know he had the ability to do.

Dear Y/n,

Here I am on the bus to Nationals thinking about my darling love. You never fail to astound me with your brilliance and your uncanny ability to light a room up with just your smile. As I feel the nerves attacking my insides I am able to push them away at the thought that you are going to be there and cheering me on. Nationals will be over by the time that you read this but just know that you are my light and you keep me going every single day and I am going to bring a part of you onto the court today so I am able to be the best me because you truly are the better half of me.

With love,

Bo

Sometimes they are long and sweet but other times you now get little notes like this,

I farted here an hour ago and you just walked through its ghost cloud. Don’t forget I love you, Bokuto

Other times you got just what you needed,

Y/n, I love you so much and I hope you have an amazing day, I noticed that your lunchbox just happened to be emptied so I am taking it upon myself to bring you lunch at work today. 

See you soon, B❤️ o❤️ k❤️ u❤️ t❤️ o

I love you 

You never know what to expect from him but it always makes you beyond happy and you begin doing it back to him and you can always tell when he finds one of your letters because he either leaves it on the counter so it can dry from his tears staining the paper or he goes and finds you with the letter in his hand with big eyes like 🥺 “y/n, do you think this?” As he begins tearing up again and every time you reassure him that you love him more than you could ever put into words and he just lays his head in your lap and sobs because he is so happy and doesn’t know how to handle it.

Bokuto keeps every single letter from you and puts them in a scrapbook with his favorite pictures of you and little things from all of your dates and puts everything in time order even adds a new note to the end that you have to flip through the whole thing to see and gives it to you as a personal gift on your wedding night, his only regret is that he didn’t ask you sooner. 

[def-not-hecky]

here it is!! the fabled wc jojo fic!! enjoy!! (also pls note that this is a draft and i’m gonna fix spelling mistakes and stuff like that in the future, i am also always up for criticism, so if youve got things that will improve my writing skills don’t hesitate to talk to me!)

bruno shuttered as he awoke, the early light of the sun filtering through the small holes of his den. Almost immediately he remembered the dream he had the night prior. “Only the blazing star can blunt the claw. Seek of the cat with the sun in his pelt and the arrow in his paws.” he stretched and exited his den as he strolled into his makeshift camp,still thinking about the strange dream. Narancia and mista were sitting on his tree stump, but they quickly scrambled away when they saw him approach. ‘well even if im unsure about the dream i still have to investigate what polpo was talking about..” the spotted tom hopped onto the stump and let out a loud yowl. quickly and sluggishly, abbacchio and fugo rolled out to their dens to hear what the capo had to say. after settling on the tree, bruno began to speak. “ leaky eye luka has been killed,” he started, drawing his paw over his ears to clean off the fur. “ And so polpo has asked me to investigate for him.” narancia seemed to be the only one suprised about this. “i think he deserved it.” mista said as he turned over to narancia. “always sticking his nose in another tom’s business…” he got knocked over by the black cat as bruno sighed, raising to his paws gracefully amd walking past the other cats. he shot fugo and abbacchio a glance to let them know they were in charge before bounding over the brambles.

bruno could say with confidence that he had never lived in twoleg place, unlike the others in his team, he had always grown up a rouge. his heart lurched with nervousness as he stepped into twoleg place. there werent many cats around to tell him he couldnt pass, so he pressed on, keeping a close eye on the cat that was trailing behind him. he sniffed around, polpo had only told him to take a see around and tell him if anything was suspicious. so the only thing he could really do was take a look. he didnt even realise the stranger had managed to get ahead of him, washing himself as he sat on a brick wall. something immediately set bruno off about the tom, which is why he didnt approach further. the way the morning sun outlined his figure instantly made his eyes widen with suprise. ‘this cant be’ he shook his head before scrambling up the surface to sit with the young cat. he eyed him closely, noticing the fresh scars on his nose and chest. ‘oh yeah he definitely knows something.’After a moment the golden cat stopped licking himself, shifting uncomfortablely at the strange cat sitting next to him. suddenly, a fat bird flew into the gate they were sitting on, but bruno caught it before it could fall. “say..” he started. “if you found a heap of fresh kill, what would you do?” he questioned. instantly the golden tom perked up at the question. “id keep it! finders keepers if i say.” he responded, sharpening his claws on they frayed wood. bruno purred in delight. “but what if that fresh kill belonged to a lion? then what would you do?” he pressed. “Easy! id take half and leave the rest for him, a cat’s gotta eat you know.” he smiled. The black cat forced himself to laugh, “y’know i really get the sense that you would! at least you didnt lie!” he chuckled “ ive got a special knack for finding out when people are lying, and i usually don't make mistakes” he confessed. “ have you ever noticed when you lie that your ears often twitch?” bruno excitedly flexed his claws. “but what’s important is your scent,” his nose quivered with anticipation.

“alright,” the fluffy cat stood up. “ who are you?” he questioned. soon the friendliness turned to suspicion. “Leaky eye luca got his eyes clawed out by his own paws and was found near the outskirts of the twoleg place.” he snarled, following the golden cat on the other side of that gate. bruno leaned in closer. “ its critical and its looking like he’s never going to make it.” he glared harder. “And ive been sunt here to seek out the culprit! so lets..talk.” The tabby flicked his tail absently, definitely considering making a run for it. “ No cat in the slightest even has an idea why he has on that side of twoleg place. But a young she cat told me that a tom named Giorno Giovanna was around there. So if you dont mind id like to have a chat about that.” he sat down, keeping a safe distance from him. “ Just a chat huh? are you apart of the no tails or what?” Bruno lashed his tail in irritation. “Luca wasnt just some rouge, he was a mafioso, and many cats had reasons to do away with him. He actually had a gift for being hated. But that is not how my boss is electing to see this situation.” he unsheathed his claws, pointing at giorno. “A member of the family has been slain, and what honor he had has been traded off. Thats why he has chosen me to find the unlucky cat who did this, and sort out anything around this mess..” he inched closer. “so make this easy and cooperate, understand? Did you meet up with leaky eye luca at the airport?”

“leaky who? ive never heard of him.” the world seemed to still as they both started at each other, like a fight was gonna break out. but in the end, bruno backed off.”You're ears arent twitching. All right, I'll believe you. That does it for my questions. Sorry to have bothered you, Giorno Giovanna.” bruno turned on him, padding back into the labyrinth that was twoleg place. Giorno sighed, turning his attention on his paw, that was unusually clenched. as he unclenched it, he came upon a horrific sight.

[zxddy-panther]

Blessed

A/N: Hey guysss! I really feel so bad for not writing at all but I finally have something out for you guys. For all those who are still wondering, yes I am still going to write my Summer Walker inspired BP series. I just have to get all these drafts posted for yall before I post them. This one kind of took a while so I hope you all enjoy it. Also if you want to read all my stories I do have a masterlist posted but all my works are on my wattpad (@zxddy_panther)

Erik X Black!reader

Summary: A breakup between you and Erik has led you both into a deep hole of despair but there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

Warning: Self harm, depression, some fluff later on

 You wandered the rainy streets of Albany with your dark hoodie, walking slowly in despair. Body slouched and face drooping with sorrow, your mind replaying the moments of weeks ago. The yelling, the harsh words, the tears, and worst of all: the breakup. The relationship truly wasn't bad but you woke up to the harsh reality that it was you. It was your own mind that was pressuring you to believe things that weren't true, that weren't real. It ultimately broke your relationship and you had no one to blame but yourself. It has become your biggest and deepest regret letting him go because you truly did love this man.    

You loved Erik Stevens but you just didn't know if he loved you too.      

*****    

The key allowed access to your cold, dark apartment as you tracked your wet rain boots onto your floor. You slipped them off and set them near the door and headed towards the bathroom, ready to commit yourself to the same miserable regime. Turning on the lights and looking forward, you stared into the eyes of a now lost soul. You were disgusted by the person in the mirror because THEY ruined your conscience. THEY ruined your self esteem and THEY ruined your relationship but you soon realized that they.....is you. Your eyes welled with tears as you threw off your damp sweater and opened the drawer under the sink. Grabbing the razor you quickly put it against the skin of your arm and pulled back with speed. Your actions slowed as you watched the dark red blood begin to rise up from the long cut along your brown skin. A numb feeling washed over you as you continued the motion over and over and over again. Place, push, and drag. Place, push, and drag.

You looked down at your numb and bloody arm with tears streaming down your face. Tear drops fell onto the many wounds and made you hiss in pain. "I've gotta get this shit cleaned up" you thought. Your body makes its way towards the bathtub to fill it with warm water. After you removed all your clothes you looked at yourself once more in the mirror. The now scarred lines that ran across your thighs and your new stripes shone red all across your arm. This will always remind you that you deserved this. Your head slowly turned back to the tub that was done filling up, you headed towards it. Placing one leg after another into the bath water, you allowed yourself to completely submerge yourself in the liquid and drowned yourself in utter silence.    

*******    

Its been about 40 minutes since you started staring at the ceiling fan in your room just mindlessly thinking. You felt so empty and physically drained from all the tears and emotions that you have been letting out. A silent buzzing from your phone woke you from your trance. You rolled on your bed towards your night stand and grabbed the phone to check who was calling you. The caller ID read: Erik. Everything froze and your world stood completely still. You were shocked and had no idea what to do as your hands shook frantically. The vibrating stopped and you took a look at your phone again to see that you had 10 missed calls from him prior to this. "How did I not hear this?" you thought to yourself. "Do I call him back?" The ring quickly started back up and you hit the answer button as fast as you could. Putting the phone to your ear, you took a deep breath and spoke for the first time in weeks.    

"Hello?" you whispered. All that could be heard was ragged breathing on the other line. You sat and listened, waiting for any type of response.    

A hushed "Y/N?" came from the other side. Your eyes shot opened and your heart rate increased.    

"Yes Erik...."    

"Y/N.." you waited. "I-I need you please. Im freaking out baby please come back I cant do this without you. I need you here with me Y/N. Please come back to me."    

You quickly ended the call and shot up from your bed. Throwing on some clothes, you headed towards the kitchen and grabbed your car keys.    

*******      

You arrived at Erik's door step feeling crazy for even doing this. You fumbled with your keys to find his spare house key still attached. Inserting the key into the lock, turning it, and pushing the door open you were greeted with a body curled up in corner of the living room. Erik was rocking himself back and forth, sobbing, repeatedly saying your name. You used your foot to close the door and his head shot up.    

He looked just as tired and drained as you. His once beautifully braided locs were now frizzed and out of braids. Dark brown bags surrounded his eyes as if he hasn't slept for days. You slowly walked towards him while he rose to his feet. The two of you kept your distance, standing awkwardly in the middle of his living room, until his eyes met yours. When your eyes locked it was like your emotions were also in sync with one another. You watched his eyes start to well up and his face begin to distort as he tried to hold his tears back. Closing the distance, you began to walk towards him and cupped your hand on his cheek. His eyes slowly closed as he leaned into your touch, allowing his tears to finally fall.    

"Baby..." he let out. "I-I need you in my life. Its like I-I." His hands began to shake as he brought them up, clenching his fists." Its like I cant live without you Y/N. I don't want to live without you." He looked down and quickly grabbed your hands to hold. "What happened? What happened to us? Was it me? Because if it was I swear to Bast that I'll fix it just- just give me another chance" The volume of his voice started to pick up. "Please come back to me Y/N." His hands gradually rose up to grab your arms softly but, even his gentle touch caused great pain to your wounds. You snatched your arms away and hissed in pain. He looked up at you with a confused look plastered on his face.       

Erik had a feeling to what was going on but, he just didnt want to belive it. You promised him months ago that you wouldn't revert back to hurting yourself. He prayed that he was wrong but  lifting up your sleeves revealed the harsh red lines across your arms. He closed his eyes as more tears fell from his droppy eyes.    

"Y/n. Did I do this to you?" He brought his hand up to your face and brushed your tear away with his thumb.     

"No no. It wasnt you Erik. It was never you." You decided that it was time to let him know the truth. The weight that you've been carrying on your shoulders has gotten heavy enough.    

*********    

"Y/N...Im sorry. I shouldnt have left-" You placed a finger over his lips which stopped his words. Your eyes took him in again once more. His skin and lips still as soft as you remembered. The message was clear as day when the two of you locked eyes. Erik took your face in his hands once and placed his lips on yours. Both of your lips moved in sync while tears came streaming down your faces. He slowly sucked on your bottom lip and let out a small sigh. He missed this. He missed you.    

You pulled away for breath but held fast to his body.      

"No Erik. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like this. That I made you feel like this was all your fault when it wasn't. It was mine. I was always so insecure about how you truly felt about me and-" Tears started to choke you up but this time you let them fall. You were so tired of holding back your feelings and thoughts. "And I always felt like you didn't love me as much as I love you."    

The phrase replayed itself in his mind. This was the first time that anyone had said that they loved him. His troubled past had put him in the mindset that he could never be loved. Today was the day that he was finally proven wrong. He always knew that he had a great girl who always found time to see him, even in the worst circumstances. Someone who was always down for him, and someone who would never leave his side.

You heard him begin to chuckle as his smile spread across his face. You looked up at him confused, feeling stupid for confessing your deepest feelings.    

"Whatever Erik" You began to turn away from him and started heading towards the door until he grabbed your hand, pulling you back into his chest. He looked down at you while resting his hand on the small of your back. His dark ember eyes starred deeply into yours, unraveling you as you stood.    

"If only you knew how much I love you. I'm so blessed to have you in my life but I need you to know that-" He brought his face closer to yours, looking from your lips to your eyes. " I love you more than words can say."    

(Please message/repost to let me know if you want to be on the taglist because im still tagging random people :/ )

Taglist: @chaneajoyyy​ @wakandanblogger​ @wakandamama​ @marvelheaux​ @melaninmarvelgirl62​ @killmongersgurl​ @killmonger-dolan​ @heyauntieeee​ @hearteyes-for-killmonger​ @eriksjournal​ @hearteyes-ficrecs​ @justanotherloveaffair​ @theunsweetenedtruth​ @supersizemeplz​

[celticheartedfangirl]

My OUAT Rewatch -- S5E11 -- Swan Song

Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive

Me getting through this episode . . . . . . . 

So . . . . this is gonna be LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.  I have time, I have opinions, and I’m not holding back.  Under the cut for length and just a heads up there WILL BE BELLE CRITICISM UNDER HERE.  When I get to that point I will strike out all of the Belle critical stuff like this.  It doesn’t mean I don’t MEAN IT -- I just want to give those who can’t handle Belle being dragged the opportunity to easily bypass that section.  

Are we ready?

Me AFTER I watched this episode, BTW . . . . . . 

So, honestly, as has been the case since this arc crap started, this is a rushed, sloppy, choppy, hacked up episode with a bunch of shit going on, it’s clearly a hot mess of shit, there are OBVIOUS deleted scenes we never saw and never WILL see, and I can totally understand why so many just flat out noped the fuck out of this show at this point.  Because it really is NOT enjoyable and frankly, even knowing what comes, it still makes me stabby.  

But I have to find a way of plodding through this here, so let’s do a point by point order of things, in no particular order:

1.  So Hook murdered his dad and left his little brother an orphan.  Whatta guy!  Honestly, here’s the thing -- all the anti-Rumple folk bitch about how many people he killed, and really I don’t think his body count is higher than Hook’s.  Rumple kills when he’s pissed off, and almost always in a heat of the moment thing (see: Milah, the dudes that used to bully him as a spinner, Tamara).  He doesn’t just go off killing to kill for thrills and funsies and murder trinkets.  Hook has admitted ON SCREEN to killing dozens -- and this was as a mortal with no dark curse whispering in his ear 24/7.  What’s HIS excuse?  

2.  OMG, Emma really just got completely destroyed at this point, didn’t she.  I found a VERY GOOD meta on the destruction of Emma Swan and why CS is such utter bullshit so I thought I’d share it here:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134225913047/lana-ny-swanmills-cs-is-literally-so-terrible

3.  Slight fun side note -- DON’S Mess with OQ, yo!  

From the OFFICIAL Once Upon a Time Twitter!  Happy Endgins!  

Okay where was I . . . . this is what happens when I scroll through late 2015 me . . . ahem . . . 

4.  This would have been the perfect way to keep Zee the fuck off the show forever.  Just saying . . . . . . 

5.  Side note 2: some fun times with December 2015 me live blogging this shitfest . . . . . 

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134695062042/any-wagers-on-them-cutting-that-scene-of-belle

Yup . . . they cut it . . . shocking, right?

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134695563322/so-hold-up

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134694787487/that-was-literally-the-worst-writing-ive-seen

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134704968232/rumple-moving-the-darkness-didnt-even-make-sense

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135222506932/friendly-reminder-that-killian-was-a-dead-man

6.  Post-episode Adam Horowitz being an absolute DICK to fans on Twitter -- just follow our vision, FUCK your vision, you hack! (Bonus points for a hijacking of this post by some asshole CS fan):

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134802058737/rumplegasm-mybittersweetblasphemy

7.  The AMY MANSON saga:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134756133022/amy-manson-deleted-her-retweets-of-ouat-negativity

There are also BTS somewhere of Merida marching Arthur out of Storybrooke that were filmed for this episode.  Remember . . . at the end of The Bear King, Merida promised she was coming for Arthur.  Did that ever happen?  Of course not.  HACKS.  Also Amy did PRESS for this episode and so it’s clear they never even TOLD HER that her scenes for this episode were CUT.  So there’s also that.  HACKS. 

8.  Check out the Lily Sparks review of this episode because it is EVERYTHING:

http://www.tv.com/news/once-upon-a-time-swan-song-review-headed-to-hell-in-a-handbasket-144942941967/

I want to point out specifically, on page 3, what she says about Rumple taking back the Dark One powers:

And then Emma heard all the Parseltongue and followed the sounds to the pawnshop and Rumple was like, "LOL okay you got me, I totally performed a quick spell that somehow cleaved apart the Excalibur and became the Dark One because eff everybody invested in my character. I essentially have a multiple-personality disorder and no one on the writing staff gave me the memo about not trying to convey a genuine struggle while I was playing Rumple these last three years." I'm sorry but this twist was so lazy it infuriated me. I can't believe that shit made it out of a first draft, let alone through studio and network notes.

Which, sadly . . . . . . brings me to Belle and Rumbelle.

9. Belle’s theme song:

Yeah, it’s not gonna get better from here . . . . 

So damn . . . . Belle really was kind of a bitch in this episode, huh?  I mean . . . . at the TIME I was happy for the hugs and kisses and sex but watching it again just . . . DAMN . . . . . 

Also, “For the first time ever you were selfless” GTFO of here!!!!!

For the first time EVER????  GTFO, what kind of shit writing is this???  How did Emilie even deliver that garbage fire of a line with a straight face, and how did Bobby even react to it without a lot of cursing?  Or maybe he did.  We do know that they wanted Rumbelle to bang on the bed in the shop and Bobby put his foot down on that one and they literally created a bedroom set for that 30 second scene because Bobby wasn’t gonna have them film the post-coital scene in the shop.  

So yay for Bobby?  

10.  I wrote this post regarding this episode IN DEFENSE OF RUMPLE -- still stand by every word (there is Belle dragging and I mean DRAGGING in this post -- you’ve been warned):

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/177022910487/in-defense-of-rumpelstiltskin-in-s5e11

11.  In closing -- A SUMMARY:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135191267572/summary-of-ouat-finale

Here have some fan art:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135246399887/retrogrlfan-there-is-no-reason-for-this

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135223382862/retrogrlfan-more-pink-rumple

Points tally:

40 points to start

20 points for 2 Rumbelle hugs

20 points for 2 Rumbelle kisses

5 points for Swan Queen

20 points deducted for BOTH OOC Belle and Rumple nonsense

10 points deducted for Hook & Zelena

Full 25 deducted and I want to give bonus for the Rumbelle sex but . . . . this episode just doesn’t deserve it.  

Total points: 30

Moving on .  . . are we ready?

Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!

[magicalusuki]

progen dragon sharing, inspired by a post by @goannafr that ive had in my drafts since may 12th of this year! wow i am good at being late

varsha- custom progen

so the colors i chose for varsha.... well, i didnt choose them. which is fully. i was in school in the middle of a movie in health class, and id snuck onto my phone and made an fr account because the registration window was about to close and i was going to be busy the rest of the time it was open, or maybe i was just too impatient.

i didnt realize you could even change the colors of the dragon- i just chose the breed and my flight (wind), and actually moved to ice almost immediately after because wind was such an impulse decision. 

i actually hated her colors once i realized that i could have picked them myself, because i would have probably made a seafoam/rose dragon. but now i love her. it might have been cool if she at least had a different blue for the wings, so if i could remake her (and assume she got the same tert) i would give her storm wings. it brings out that gray tert in a really cool way and just makes her a biiit more interesting. i mean, look at that! it look great with her apparel, too.

i chose to make her a fae, because i though that they were cute. i didnt like any of the other starter breeds when i joined because i was a coward. i wanted the cutesiest dragons ever, which is funny considering now varsha is super badass

i had like... the vaguest clue of what fr was, because i was in the neopets community and a ton of the blogs i followed were into it, but i didnt really understand it in depth. fun fact! my original username was twinkling. 

exaltation

so when i first joined fr, from what i remember we had... very few tert options. i believe we had basic, crackle, underbelly and circuit? and with varsha’s tert being grey, and yukienne’s being denim... basically nothing looked even slightly decent.

on top of this, i really wasnt in the forums or community much at all- so i wasnt aware that maybe exalting your progens wasnt a great plan, and how special they can be. and i certainly wasnt thinking about future genes. i mean, its been 5 years and STILL the best tert for varsha is stained and i dont particularly love any i have for yukienne!  ive grown to like stained on varsha, but for real. even irishim couldnt save that grey tert, and i used to be OBSESSED with irishim

.im not against geneing yukienne fully and i have a few options planned, but denim is not.... its not an easy color to work with, which sucks because sky and violet work together so well, and then you have this random greenish-grayish blue. why. which is why he is not gened at all because oh my god. please fr give me something that makes denim purpley ill die for you

this is his current most likely scry but im still... not sold... at least sky is one of my favorite colors on site! hes still a pretty lucky random progen all things considered, i know some people were truly cursed. they also have a pretty okay range, so thats nice! i brought these guys back as quick as possible and was so excited i got the option so do so.

lore and clan roles

in the end, exaltation gave my progens a lot of character- although i was so upset about having done it for literal years, lol. my clan lore felt super weak up until bringing them back.

varsha is clan leader, but im undecided about yukiennes role- all i know is that he did essentially abandon varsha in exaltation and didnt actually fight to earn his right back to this plane, and she resents him for that. i can imagine they did talk initially about him rising up the politcal ladder rather than being involved in the war itself, and i imagine initially he was actually quite gentle and perhaps a bit skittish- she had more pity for him then, and understood he wouldnt fare as well. maybe she even thought it would help his confidence. but seeing him live a bejeweled life as she fought endlessly.... well, thats just not great. on top of it, he sees himself as responsible for their return, not acknowledging varshas efforts, and he does this despite the fact that there was no evidence of it.  so yukienne likely doesnt do much in the clan, and i imagine varshas bodyguard- nevara- keeps an eye on him until or if varsha decides hes trustworthy to help. in the end, he doesnt especially want to do things for the clan anyways- he doesnt feel the dedication that varsha does, and though varsha doesnt realize it hes worn himself. hes tired of lies and a political lifestyle, and i dont imagine hes as confident as he might come off- its likely more a force of habit, and in saying it was because of him they got home, he just more than anything wants validation that his suffering was just as painful and he worked just as hard as varsha. but she really cant see that. in her eyes, hes still sitting on a pedestal, lying and spoiled rotten. even if now hes just lost and tired more than anything else.

varsha obviously is very strong willed and stubborn, and sometimes has difficulty empathizing with others- particularly those she perceives as having caused her harm. shes not especially friendly, and a bit paranoid. still she cares a lot about others, particularly her clan members who she views as her responsibility, and so she pushes away her own feelings best she can. shes more prone to trust those from wind than from any other flight, and is working on her distrust of those from ice. 

she has a close bond to nevara due to her wind heritage and time spend together on the battlefield, and trusts her deeply. she also deeply trusts aer, the very dragon that first found her and yukienne, and the only from the clan at the time that did not know of her exaltation until it was too late. she appreciates the effort on her behalf to keep the clan in order and understands aer was also very hurt by what her clan members had done, and is glad to have someone from that time who had missed her. 

varsha also finds amaryllis sort of cute and charming.the wind heritage probably helps yet again in this case, but even beyond that, she appreciates someone so unfit for the role trying their very hardest to play leader to keep their clan together in her absence. she sees her somewhat like a little sibling, despite not having a large gap in age.

since mako worked so close to both amyrllis and aer during her absence, she was one of the first ice flight members in their clan that she warmed to. with her optimistic and free spirited attitude, and the fact that shes still willing to work in a political position (unlike amaryllis, who was happy to retire) she helps to balance out varshas negative views of people and also is very useful in giving intel and helping create strong bonds between their clan and others, since varsha... would probably never do so on her own, but does see the necessity.

yukienne, at this point, lives a fairly solitary lifestyle. being rejected by the person he admires most as well as feeling he betrayed and failed her, he sees himself unworthy of deeper relationships. at the same time, he is stubborn and unwilling to discuss and feels he doesnt deserve sympathy or to explain his side. all interactions and relationships he has are shallow. at the very least, he is genuinely very proud of his appearance, so thats probably the one thing he has actual confidence in.

[andymull]

WWE Wrestlemania 35 - Preview & Predictions

Becky Lynch vs Ronda Rousey (c) vs Charlotte Flair (c) - Winner Takes All

And here we go...... the women have finally produced a feud and wrestlers that have gotten theirselves into the main event of the biggest show of the year. The addition of Ronda to the company has been MASSIVE, both to the product in terms of matches as well as to the financial side of things with her being a big factor in the WWE’s new tv deals. And as well as Ronda we have Becky, who has really clicked with fans over the past few months, with the image of her with a busted face on Raw being the image fans now see the second they think of her which was vital in her progression.

This then leads us to the third wheel of the match in Charlotte, im not sure if that’s a knock on her or not, oh well its the truth. There was a big backlash around her inclusion here as many feel it wasn't required in the slightest, but really taking a step back and thinking about it this added an extra factor of heat to the feud which was kinda needed as they've messed up so often during the build to this bout. Whoever the winner beats to win then sets up another big match with the person not involved as they weren't beaten, then you can also have the loser climbing their way back to another bout giving it another layer of development to it all. Another of the problems in adding Charlotte was that very recently it seems Vince found out that Charlotte hadn't won a tv match this year, this was the reason for her randomly taking on Asuka and beating her for the title to show there was a big reason to add her in the main event as more people were questioning how bad that stat looked. And at the same time doing that has destroyed the plans for the Smackdown women's championship and Asuka’s big pay day.

Remember, they arent just building to this match, they are building for the future. And the above will see them easily through to the Survivor Series with a heavily heated title feud on one or both shows depending on how they handle the winner having two titles......

Which then leads to their decision, do they continue to have two women’s champions OR have one champion that travels to both shows to align things with the women’s tag titles? 

I see Becky winning beating Charlotte to take both belts, it lets Ronda have some time off setting up a big money match on her return while Becky leads Raw in her place - LYNCH

The New Daniel Bryan (c) vs Kofi Kingston - WWE Championship Match 

Another match where the build has been all over the shop, but in this case injuries have changed and dictated the directional moves in which wrestler would be making the step up to challenge Bryan for the belt. The last change that stuck was moving Kevin Owens out of the match and adding Kofi after his reaction in the Elimination Chamber, after he was added to that match after Ali was injured and lost his spot there too, busy to keep up isnt it...

This really should be an easy to predict outcome with Kofi finally getting his big shot and winning the title for a first time, the actual question should be how long will he hold the belt for? Once the Wrestlemania buzz dies down and management begin to look critically at his ratings and sales how long will they persevere with his reign?

I just hope they dont split The New Day up during his run, we need them to keep the group together and show friendship in a solid way, instead of the usual ways of them turning on him with poor reasoning. If they want to challenge him for the belt have them ask for it and say they are willing to prove theirselves first, then challenge him as friends as whoever wins it doesn't break the connection as they all support each other.

Daniel Bryan will not lose much in dropping the title, he’ll quickly move into another fun feud with whoever he wants and asks for, this is exactly the method to Bryan’s current run and its great......get Pete Dunne ready!!! - KINGSTON

Brock Lesnar (c) vs Seth Rollins - WWE Universal Championship Match

Too many matches on this show, so ill be quick with the ones that SHOULD have an easy to predict outcome.

This is the perfect example, Seth goes over strong, Brock takes some time away and finally gets a date for his return to the UFC and gets in fighting shape. Rollins then returns to Raw as champion and moves into a feud with Drew McIntyre who deserves it and will have some solid bouts, the only problem there is Drew is up against Roman and I doubt he wins at Mania over him - ROLLINS

Triple H vs Batista - No Holds Barred Match

Also if HHH loses he has to retire and cant wrestle again which should ring bells for the outcome, I love that Big Dave is returning for one last match and if you know him you’ll know he isnt here to have his hand raised. 

Triple H wins, hopefully quickly after seeing his last few bouts, then I see them both hugging straight after or even on Raw just making a mockery out of this fake build up to the feud - TRIPLE H

Shane McMahon vs The Miz - Falls Count Anywhere Match

Toilet break time.

I really have no interest in this in the slightest, even as a team I didnt care, seeing Shane wrestle as a heel doesn't appeal and Miz acting as a bad ass baby-face cant get me to act interested.

I love Shane as a heel boss but it doesn't carry over to wrestling, as a face his whole act is building to a big spot/jump but that really is counterproductive for a heel, and if they do so then dont be surprised to have him get cheered over Miz - MIZ

Roman Reigns vs Drew McIntyre

I really want Drew to win here as he’s so ready for the big push but the whole story to Roman’s return cant possibly see them plan for anything other than a Reigns victory. I can only imagine them doing a multi person match on Raw for the next number one contender as a way to have Drew get there without pinning Roman - REIGNS 

Tamina/Nia Jax vs Bayley/Sasha Banks (c) vs The IIconics vs Beth Phoenix/Nattie - WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Fatal 4 Way Match

All I can say here is that the Sky Pirates NEEDED to be in this match for my interest.

Lets get rid of Nia and Tamina quickly in a heap of rubble at ringside then let the others work, there’s no doubt in my mind that the champs are keeping their belts. They then will defend on all shows including NXT, hopefully, but lets keep the titles on teams that can work well and not with the gimmicky teams please - BAYLEY/BANKS

AJ Styles vs Randy Orton

This should be a very solid bout but at the same time is really the beginning of the feud so may not get the most time and could have a cheap finish to let this continue. But saying that these two could be guys high up on the list of people that potentially could get moved around in the draft, especially Styles after his long run with the title on Smackdown - STYLES

Samoa Joe (c) vs Rey Mysterio - WWE US Title Match

Another match that has changed multiple times or morphed into other planned feuds, this particular match blatantly wasn't planned at the time of the last PPV as they had Joe choke out Rey which doesn't make any sense to have him now challenge here.

For me Joe needs a long run with the title mowing through guys and gaining back the killer image he should have, let him do this for months with the whole purpose of it being to ultimately get him ready to be moved back to the main event scene as a legit challenger and the champion.

Rey has looked great since coming back and should really have been having a bout against Andrade tonight with the mask vs hair stipulation added to it but oh well, not sure if Dominic will be ringside and involved but I feel he may and may be the reason for Joe retaining, be that by him being a distraction for his Dad or even turning on his Dad, who knows.

What I also will say is that Rey actually does have a slight injury which he seems to be fine with,but, I wouldn't put it past them to alter this and add others to the match AGAIN just to get people on the show and save Rey’s ankle if its still in pain - JOE

Bobby Lashley (c) vs Finn Balor - WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Finn’s going to be in Demon mode, simple - BALOR

Kurt Angle vs The Baron - Angle’s Farewell Match

Man, what a let down this is if it actually is the planned match, and not only that but Angle is broken down now sadly to the point where they shouldn't be putting him in the ring, who knows how he passes their tests to see if he is fit enough to be in there.

The big story is will someone take out The Baron when he makes his way to the ring for a HUGE pop and take his place against Kurt, the popular choice with people is seemingly John Cena. Now, im not sure anyone can drag Angle to a great match anymore and bringing in someone who isnt a full timer and hasn't been wrestling in awhile is a bad choice for me, id rather he be involved in the Elias angle where he can come in and nail an F5 for the easy pop. 

Im actually lost for who should take the role and it work and more importantly someone who isnt already in a match on the card. If I could take it back afew months I would have never had the Drew McIntyre match in November where he destroyed Kurt with his own move, if they built Drew as a force upto this point then had a super competitive match with Angle ending in the same way as November I think you could take tons from it. Angle doesn't need to go out on top, he will be left in the ring after the match for the applause and potentially taking off of his boots to leave in the ring. But it will also do wonders for someone to beat him, hell if its Drew it would have been easy to move him straight to the title scene rather than a lose to Roman. 

If it actually stays as The Baron id love for it to be a double retirement match, or an Angle win - ANGLE 

Ricochet/Aleister Black vs The Uso’s (c) vs The Bar vs Rusev/Shinsuke Nakamura - WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship Fatal 4 Way Match

Id expect the Usos to retain, not sure the others deserve the titles just yet, maybe Ricochet and Black but I see them going singles once the Mania buzz dies down - USOS

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

The main name included here is Braun Strowman and the guys from SNL, I cant see past Braun and there’s no real reason for it unless there’s a new guy debuting or a big angle that’s going longer with the SNL guys being able to get Braun eliminated - BRAUN

Women’s Battle Royal

I dont think all the names have been announced here and it will be decided just before the show on who’s around, yes I believe that fully. The front-runners should be Asuka, Mandy Rose and Lacey Evans, Asuka deserves it for how she’s been treated with the title and Lacey’s big push should be starting from here. Ill go with Lacey to eliminate Asuka to win and kick start her first bi feud on the main roster - EVANS

Buddy Murphy (c) vs Tony Nese - WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Again I say the same thing, not the time for Murphy to drop the title and not the opponent for it either, infact im alittle surprise Nese got the spot. He’s a good wrestler but I dont think much of his character work ‘look at my abs!!’ and that’s basically it? - MURPHY

The Revival (c) vs Zack Ryder/ Curt Hawkins - WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match

There really is ZERO need for this match, ZERO. The challengers haven't been on tv, haven't won matches and have ZERO credibility.........but what about Hawkins losing streak......that’s literally the ONLY reason they have gotten this spot - REVIVAL

I hope everyone enjoys the show, please try and watch it in parts if you can avoid spoilers as this is WAAAAAAYYYYYYY too long a show AGAIN

Bye for now

Andy

[matazz]

entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

[lovefromabullet]

Drafts Ill never send

Fucking christ you told me to talk to you even if it was a million rambly fucking words... even if what i say doesnt make sense it gives me an outlet to get it the fuck out of my god damn head and tonight I need to be out of my head because i already feel out of my damn mind... Its 11pm and Ive been a non-stop ball of tears since about 7... I cannot stop even if I wanted to this is coming out off shaky fingers ... I just fuck I dont even know how to process anything and my mood is dropping so fucking fast that i feel like i am spinning out of control i tried talking it out with my mom but that didnt help it made it worse... And now im sitting here with a tear stained phone staring at the razor blade on my bed thats taunting me.. begging me for release and instead i am gonna write here... My fucking head and heart are broken... so fucking broken.. I feel like I keep getting the god damn short stick in life and i cant help but wonder who i was in a past life that deserved this much ongoing tourment... I fucking hate it.. Ive been so broken down over the past decade that I cant wrap my head around people being nice or seeming to care... I am not worth it.. Ive never been worth anyones second thought or cares before...so why the fuck now..  I am nothing... I am merely dirt on the bottom of people shoes meant to be wiped back against the grass so that its not tracked through a house...People dont like staines and I am a stain on society..tainted goods... 

one cannot heal when they keep cutting back open the wound... if i could honestly remove my heart i would in a second... I cannot bear to feel like this anymore... I cannot keep doing the highs and the lows... the heartaches, the attachments... Ive found that when I love i love with every fucking fiber of my being but the bad thing about doing that is when that love leaves youve become so ingrained in it that it takes part of you with it... And because of that I am not whole.. my pieces are scattered... across the globe... Im left in every word typed, or late night sigh uttered... every phone call made.. Every person Ive ever loved even if it was one sided... Im not even sure most days who i am... I feel like ive reverted back to the fucking scared teenager I once was... the one that was so afraid to let people in that she hid herself away in the dark avoided eye contact for fear that someone would see the truth in her eyes.. the demons that she carried... The demons that ive tried to keep in locked boxes have been slipping out lately its like the locks have become loose and rusted and all the past is there waving begging to be remembered...begging to be dealt with...

i know that if you dont heal from what hurt you you are destined to bleed on those who've done nothing. that you will spend your life making people pay for someone elses mistakes... And Im fucking trying... God damn am i trying and it hurts like hell because most days i just want to sit and stop... to just breath wishing that time could stand still for a moment so that i can catch my breathe... because this world is moving too fast for me to keep existing in it... I want to just stop. i want it to just fucking stop all of it... all the pain...all the voices all the heartache i want to erase it i want to start clean in a new body with a non tainted past... i want none of my memories not the good not the bad i want this life to just be... fleeting

[sh-lan]

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ