#just for the undiagnosed bpd thing (I’m him and I have bpd)

[auggieorlov]

Do I have to make an art tag now

Also. Please don’t mind that Bill Cypher is here. He was a filler in the first page (images 1 and 2) and that caused the second page (Images 3 and 4)

This shit is embarrassing so art in undercut (also CF bad ending referenced in a joke on the third and kinda fourth image)

[ahyesthesufferingoftvteens]

You know I don’t think Kaidam shippers really explore the more unhealthy side of Adam and Kai’s relationship…which is disappointing to me because it sounds like something that would be really fun to explore?

This is a long post, so I’m gonna put the rest under the cut, for those who are interested in hearing me out:

Like in most depictions I see Kaidam as this very cute and fluffy and wholesome ship. Which I absolutely love, and I think Adam and Kai can be like that!

Then I look at the canon material and we have:

- Adam infantilizing Kai. “Very cool, Kai!” Has the same energy of your mom cooing at a shitty drawing of herself that you made for her when you were four.

- Kai pushing Adam away and barking back when Adam tries to control the situation and force Kai on the back-burner. OR when Kai very obviously states that he wants to be left alone and Adam doesn’t respect that request and tries to fix a problem that can’t be fixed in that moment.

- Adam and Kai both having trouble regulating their negative emotions and potentially getting explosive, which once resulted in Kai getting thrown across a forest. Wowza.

- Kai having a strong need for attention and validation that Adam does not notice as an obvious sign of trouble at home and something that Kai needs to talk about and get help with. Instead he interprets it as, “ugh, he’s being annoying again,” and reacts according to that perception.

- Kai outright hinting that Mira and Adam never really…hung out with him before he was invited to their team? And likely still didn’t while he was in their team? He was very likely brought to training sessions but that was it. They’ve never even been in his house before The Hollow Life. Adam very likely did not see Kai as a part of his circle before everything happened.

- Adam saying things that are insensitive to Kai and then not taking Kai’s resulting insecurities seriously and very obviously treating them as something he can quickly fix with a few words, which hints that Adam sees Kai as shallow.

Like, Adam and Kai’s friendship is fucked up. Toxic even, I would say. On one side we potentially have undiagnosed ASPD and OCD, and on the other side we potentially have undiagnosed HPD/BPD and AuDHD. This is a recipe for some DRAMA.

But the fact that no one has ever explored how this shitstorm of a relationship can evolve into something that’s actually healthy (as far as I can see) is sad because the POTENTIAL is INSANE.

Like, just imagine this…

—————

Kai confesses he likes Adam. Adam, who doesn’t take Kai’s feelings seriously, thinks Kai is shallow, and subconsciously views Kai as lesser probably thinks to himself “Awwww he’s a baby bi! You know what? I’ll date him for a little bit. It’s his first guy crush, he’ll be over it in a week. Besides, I’ll be giving him an example of what a good boyfriend should be like!” And meanwhile Kai, who is definitely very into Adam and desperately wants Adam to like him, is trying very very hard to impress and please and help Adam.

Then the PROBLEMS start coming in and Kai sticks it through anyways because he does genuinely like Adam, and he wants to be better for Adam, he just wishes Adam would actually try to be better for him.

So then this relationship lasts for longer than Adam anticipated, but by this point he’s too in deep, and he’s probably starting to actually like Kai back (but he likely doesn’t understand that yet because Adam strikes me as autoromantic with the occasional exception. Romantic feelings? What are those?), so he just kinda lets the relationship continue while not really knowing what to do about all of it.

That is, until Kai SNAPS. Accuses Adam of never actually liking him (which is partially true) and playing with his feelings (which he did) and then when Adam confirms these assumptions Kai breaks up with Adam and blocks his contacts.

And THAT is when Adam realizes he fucked up big time and that the way he views Kai is wrong, and also that he really likes Kai now. This is the funniest part of the story: Adam begging and bargaining with Kai for WEEKS before Kai even considers talking to Adam again. Kai’s first request is the most daunting: Go to therapy, Adam.

So Adam does that despite his protests, because god forbid he loose Kai again. He gets therapy, and works through some of his shitty behaviors. He’s much more self-aware than he was before now. Kai is working through his own issues as well.

More time passes, and Adam and Kai are finally hanging out again. This time Adam tries his damndest to hear Kai out, and Kai is no longer as explosive, but he’s very firm on his boundaries and doesn’t let Adam walk all over him. They start dating again later down the line (happiest day of Adam’s life) and now Adam has a story to tell his grandchildren about how he nearly fumbled the bag with his husband.

—————

This is a gold-mine to me. The sauce is impeccable. Every relationship can have issues: the goal is to work through them together as a team!

Let me see relationships that don’t work out at first but then with dedication the two meet in the middle and are finally deserving of each other!

Let me see relationships that aren’t perfect 100% of the time but are still absolutely great!

Let me see relationships that sucked and the two work their things out, but decide to remain friends because that just works better for them!

Let me see complicated relationships! They’re so fun to read!

…Also this scenario I wrote out is also great potential for Reekai (Sorry. It’s my OTP. I gotta rant about them). Like if you branch off after the break up and Kai starts hanging out with Reeve (who probably ALSO dated Adam once and would understand Kai’s strife.) you get the very funny concept of “Adam’s exes keep dating each other.”

In this scenario, after accepting that he lost Kai, Adam would probably be somewhat proud of the fact that he set Reeve and Kai up…until he remembers that he did so by being a trash boyfriend. Then he’s kinda down on himself until he quickly picks himself back up and strives for the future.

And I mean, who knows? Maybe in the future Reeve and Kai could consider letting Adam date the both of them once they’ve deemed he’s worthy.

There’s a lot of directions this can go guys. The Hollow kids and their relationships with each other are messy! Let’s talk about it!

[idrawweirdstuffnominors]

NOT A REQUEST but you're so good at the characterization of the guys 😭??? Tell me your secrets ong

(Honestly I love to analyze the characters (I also throw some of my own headcannons in there because I know that bill wouldn't be as nice as I write him to be) but like especially josh and bill. Like i think josh has undiagnosed Boderline personality disorder which would play a huge role into how he doesn't trust people. As well as why his emotions change so easily. I like to think that younger him masked alot when bill was around just so that bill wouldn't have more to torment him with. (Also if you are going to write certain scenarios with them its always good to keep in mind their jadded personalities except jerry. An example if i was to write bill comforting a character i would do it in a very bill dickey way. (Bill wouldn't comfort anyone especially not when hes older. He'd most likely be like—

"Ugh, you’re on your period again? Gross. Don’t get your dumb woman hormones on me. Keep that shit to yourself, alright?"

It’s harsh, dismissive, and definitely in line with Bill’s lack of empathy or tact.

But if i was writing for pete dinunzio

"Aw, shit—again? Damn, that sucks. You need anything? Chocolate? Heating pad? I can yell at someone for you if that helps."

He’d be gruff but weirdly sweet in his own way, offering to help but still acting like he's totally not being soft. He might mutter something like "Don’t make a big deal about this, alright? I’m just not a complete asshole."

And if i was writing for Josh—given that my headcannon of him has BPD, a superiority complex, and is emotionally intense—would likely react in a more layered and chaotic way, especially if you're his FP (favorite person). His initial response might be dramatic, emotionally charged, and reactive, but if he truly cares about you, he'll circle back with genuine concern

"God—again? Seriously? Why does your body have to do this every month like clockwork? Can’t we just have one day where you’re not in pain or—bleeding? It’s distracting, okay?!"

(Pause, then softer but defensive)

"Not that I care or anything—I just hate seeing you curled up and miserable like that. It pisses me off. Because I can’t do anything about it."

Then grumbles while getting you snacks or pain meds:

"Here. Take this. You better not say I’m sweet or I swear I’m walking out."

Josh would stress between being emotionally overwhelmed and incredibly loyal. He might seem annoyed, but deep down he wants to help

As for jerry i sometimes struggle with writing for jerry because he is more passive than abrasive.

Jerry (i kinda feel like) would likely react with a mix of nervous politeness and visible discomfort. He’s the most socially anxious and awkward member of the group—he’s not cruel like Bill or aggressive like Pete, but he’s not exactly emotionally confident either.

(Visibly uncomfortable, fidgeting):

"Oh! Uh… okay. That’s... totally fine. I mean, it’s natural, right? It’s biology. No big deal. Heh."

(avoids eye contact)

"Do you, uh… need anything? I can—get you some pads? Or Midol? Or I could just leave you alone? If that’s better?"

He’d probably overthink everything, worry about saying the wrong thing, and end up being overly accommodating

[living-animal]

SNAPE HEADCANONS

Snape headcanons bc im insane and Snape-pilled (my Harry Potter hyperfixation from childhood has come back) 🕯️🐍

-Extremely mentally ill (a given) all of them undiagnosed (he doesn’t believe in therapy)

-Was bullied as a child due to his autism symptoms (poor hygiene, difficulties communicating, antisocial behavior, etc)

-[insert trend of autistic men going down the alt-right pipeline here]

-Has C-PTSD from his father’s abuse and childhood bullying

-Left handed, but his father forced him to be right handed. Now he’s ambidextrous

-Has BPD. Lily was his favorite person, he developed an unhealthy emotional dependency on/attachment to her

-Repressed homosexual. He didn’t realize that what he felt for Lily wasn’t love, so he thought he HAD to be straight (also he grew up in the 1960’s so..)

-Depression and anxiety are also givens

-Had an ED as a teen

-Still struggles to eat as an adult, mainly due to sensory issues regarding food

-Also has sensory issues regarding bright lights and loud noises, but has learned to repress stimming or reacting, so the only way he can express overstimulation is through anger/violent outbursts

-He acts like he doesn’t care for animals, but he does enjoy their company (especially cats)

-Loves the cold

-Developed a special interest in the Dark Arts. That’s why he’s so possessive of the title of DADA professor

-Has IBS. Do not give this man dairy products or he will have to pull out the ancient wizard robe-cleaning method

-Dare I say possibly some repressed trans femininity?? 👀

-I mean. His patronus was a doe. Not a buck like James’. #lesbiansnilly4eva

FREAKY HEADCANNONS AHEAD‼️

-Let’s get one thing straight, this man is NOT the Daddy Dom that those AI TikTok videos have made him out to be. He is horribly repressed and a 40 year old virgin.

-He would be hard to even get to express romantic interest, let alone get freaky

-He’s got some body image issues, so is incredibly reluctant to getting naked in front of someone

-He’s very sensitive to touch, in a good and bad way. Sex with him needs to be sensory friendly

-He’s a bottom. I’m sorry, he just is. If he’s not bottoming he’s being ridden

-I wouldn’t call him particularly submissive, or at least he tries to hide it

-He kicks out his partner immediately. He doesn’t mean to be cruel, but he’s not ready for the emotional vulnerability that comes with aftercare and pillow talk. He needs to be alone to process afterwards

-He’s very averse to trying out anything new in the bedroom. It’ll take a while before he’s comfortable enough to try out any kinks with his partner

(Feel free to give your Severus kink HCs in the replies-)

[kippyzzworld]

Tao Xu from heartstopper has undiagnosed bpd here’s why: (from someone that has undiagnosed bpd and has a therapist that agrees but can’t diagnose me since i’m underage)

(events may not be in complete order sorry)

from the show:

First i believe that for a while charlie is his favorite person, then he’s able to detach from charlie and slowly gets more and more attached to Elle after the scene where she wipes the facepaint off his face in the art room. then she becomes his favorite person

Elle describes meeting charlie and Tao came along as a “package deal” hinting that Tao’s likely been attached to him for awhile

Hates change, can’t deal with it

The scene where he finds out from Elle that Nick and charlie are together and charlie himself hasn’t told him yet, he seemed to have a moment that he split, seeing as how he just got up angry and left Elle

The next scene he’s messaging charlie and charlie tells him “be right there, i told nick id get lunch with him” and tao says “don’t bother, we’re barely friends anymore” and is shown to slam his phone down angrily is also another moment of him splitting (quotes paraphrased but i tried to get them as close as possible)

the scenes following of him ignoring charlie are definitely him still in the split mindset

Tao having the heart-to-heart about charlie to nick before the sports day saying stuff that seems overprotective and a bit rude in a sense that he’s in a way telling nick he makes charlie feel like crap can be seen as him upset over his fp having someone else

Also in the beginning when charlie ditched their plans he seemed so angry and heartbroken and abandoned, he took it the hardest out of the group

When him and Elle watch nick say yes to imogens date and tao tells charlie at his birthday i also saw that as a moment of protecting his fp

Literally fighting Harry over him, it’s not solid evidence but in my heart it is

He seemed so so jealous of Nick for a while

He makes Elle promise they’ll always put their friendship first before anything and no matter what happens, fear of abandonment

that’s all i can think show wise i haven’t watched the full thing in a while, my mom and i restarted it like we always do when we dye my hair but didn’t finish it so i was just jotting all this down whole we were watching

if you have anything else to add PLS DO!!! okay ty love u bye

[izzyfishie]

cho sang-woo is gay in my mind. maybe aroace? definitely trans. he’s also 100% autistic and bipolar!! andddd i think he canonically has depression… if not, he has it now :p

he’s absolutely gay in my mind. i cannot picture him with a woman. like at all. this is also why i avoid reading x readers 😭😭 and honestly, as someone who wants him bad, i’m fine with that. <- is a fem nb but is very much willing to give sangwoo up for gihun. i think being in a relationship with him would be awk as hellll anyway. he’s all yours gayhun!! but also i might just like women a lot more,,,,

i dont see him as aroace, but hes definitely aroacespec to me. my personal hc for him is demirose (im not sure if this is a well-spread term, but its just a shortening for demiromantic + demisexual! i think its pretty, because rose combines them while also sounding cool. so i use it for myself.) it feels very fitting to him to me.

i’m 99% sure the depression thing is canon LOL

i hc him as autistic, but specifically undiagnosed, and very much never diagnosed. which i think would add a lot of struggle onto his life, along with the financial and mental struggles. having an undiagnosed disability is very debilitating.

as for bipolar? i study a little bit of clinical psychology, and it’s still tricky for me to diagnose characters, mainly out of fear of mischaracterizations or misrepresentation the disorder. i also do not have bipolar disorder (as of my knowledge) HOWEVER, i think bipolar ii is more plausible than bipolar i for sangwoo.

not directed at you, but i’ve also seen cluster b terms thrown around for him—mainly being aspd, bpd and npd. i’m still not exactly sure how to feel about these, because cluster b disorders are frequently demonized by the GP and that’s. not what we want, and it’s hard to tell one’s psychological knowledge. i think he shows some symptoms of bpd and npd (not exactly aspd), but that doesn’t necessarily mean he has both! i need to look further into these disorders before i can make any active claims.

[three-eyed-elk]

𓍊↟𓋼Intro Post!𓋼𓍊↟

this is being reworked!

Hello critters!!

This blog is mostly CHNT centric! I try to keep it to posting art and related reposts!

ᴵᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᵐᵉ ᴵᴿᴸ, ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᴰᴺᴵ

Names: Sydney/Elk Pronouns: He/Him

my beautiful partner/s are systemhereandthere <3

Spins: CHNT, WillWood, Revelator, LITWTC, Animals, Animal care/husbandry, Vulture Culture, Healthcare & Psychology, Biology Other Interests: Rainworld, RDRII, Sparkbird, Human Zoo, Warriors, The Stolen Hope, OBS, Watership Down, The Plague Dogs, Felidae, Fnaf,

Fun Facts: AuDHD DPDR (Depersonalisation Derealisation Disorder) Sydney Sargent “kin” due to DPDR & C-PTSD*

C-PTSD

HEDS I have eight pets I use mobility aids Likely (but undiagnosed) BPD

I am aware BPD is a very touchy thing to self diagnose. Please be aware this is in conjunction with my psychologists and psychiatrists thoughts, i do fit criteria, and have made this conclusion over the course of 5 years

Boundaries:

YES: Pretty much anything/anyone, I am not judgy at all ^^ My asks are open, so are my dms, request stuff, whatever! If I dont want to, I simply wont :3

I always try my best to be accomodating and friendly, please make me aware if i can do anything to make my content more accessible!

All interaction is welcomed! I’m not great at conversation but i always enjoy meeting new people and talking to mutuals :3

I don’t bite (much) /silly

i am bad at comforting, and conversation, but i try!

Please Avoid:

Preaching religion towards me. You’re welcome here, but i am not keen on rejoining the church. I am a part of TST.

‘Reality checking’ me, unless you’re a very close friend i will be hostile to this.

Imposing/threatening speech without tone tags (directed at me). NO:

General DNI

* I am a Sydney Sargent 'kin', I do not know how to describe it nor do I have the words for it entirely. At least 3 hours a day I feel like Sydney, as if I am him, and the rest of the time i just heavily relate to him. It's very shifty and depends on how i am feeling. I think this could maybe be a fictionflicker or a c-link thing. Sometimes I relate to his memories and all of that as if i am him. For this reason, firm Sydney haters please DNI, it makes me feel gross.

i will add- because this is (usually…) a separable attachment from myself, ‘doubles’ don’t exist for me because you aren’t a double to me. So everyone is welcome!

——

Rambles and Misc posts: @thr33-3y3d-3lk

Sydney ‘Attachment’ Blog: @sent-from-the-skolopender ~~~ I AM ON TIKTOK, PIN, INSTA, REDDIT, DISCORD under the same user!

[elizawarren-swritingnook]

Spoilers up ahead!

Hi! I just wanted to respond to Booknerdqueen's comment on chapter 29.

I’m just responding on Tumblr because the response is going to have a few spoilers. I wanted to make it so that people on Kindle Vella could read and interact with the comment section without being spoiled, and if they didn’t mind then they could come here.

I'm going to put her comment here so that you can refer back to it:

"Ren is a walking contradiction. First he tells Octavia that she’s not that special, then he tells her that he doesn’t want just any girl to be his puppy but that he wants her to be. Then he says he thought she was an innocent girl which makes me believe he noticed Octavia well before senior year. Ren, make a move and cut the shyt or leave Octavia alone. But first your ass needs to go and slap the shyt out of Hannah and her stupid crew. Or at least push her into a wall or trip her so she can break her nose. Came back to add: However, with all his whiplash and damn bullying he has a point. He never threw her under the bus or betrayed her. He went along with the lies so she didn’t look like a liar. He could’ve let her look stupid but he didn’t. So in a sense he is the only one that she can trust at that school aside from her brother."

Last warning! If you press keep reading, you will see my response and get a little spoiled.

Ren is definitely a walking contraction but it's because he has BDP or Borderline Personality Disorder (undiagnosed and untreated of course because his family is too proud to admit that something is seriously wrong with all of them). He goes back and forth between intense infatuation and disinterest because he feels like Octavia is going to be just like everyone else that he has negatively interacted with in his life. He definitely likes her, but for him, it’s not so simple. He’s waiting for her to disappoint, betray, and hurt him which is part of the reason why he tries to push her (and his own feelings) away but fails every time.

He does think she’s special. Part of having a relationship while living with BPD is that sometimes you may have an idealized idea of someone in your head that doesn’t match up with reality. When Ren sees certain things (like when he thought she was sleeping with Jaden, flirting with other boys, and having sexual fantasies) it ruins the idea of Octavia that he has built up in his head and causes him to react aggressively.

It’s hard to even admit to himself that he likes her which is why in chapter 29 he says “I don’t want just any other girl” and then immediately follows it up with something along the lines of ‘because you’re the only crybaby here… You’re the only one who will give me the reaction I want’.

Also! While I did play with the idea of Ren liking Octavia before senior year. He may have seen her around school before senior year but he never really gave her a second glance until she ran into him. To be honest, Ren has dacryphilia. Dacryphilia is when you are turned on by tears or seeing/making someone cry. When Ren first encounters Octavia, she is crying because of her interaction with Teagan and her crew. Octavia’s tears remind him of the tears of another woman in his life. Because of experiencing a certain traumatic experience at such a young age (we’ll find out later), he thinks that the prettiest woman he has ever seen is one with tears in her eyes. When he sees Octavia, she reminds him of that experience and it automatically does something for him, both sexually and emotionally, which is why he pursues her so relentlessly afterward. Mika also knows this which is why she gave Octavia that weird look when she saw that Octavia was about to cry after Julie and her confronted Octavia in the hallway.

Ren saying that Octavia was nothing special in chapter 29 was just him trying to downplay her fantasies that had been exposed. Ren has a fear of rejection and abandonment and when Octavia acted so coldly to him, it made him scared so he tried to reassure her that Teagan’s words had meant nothing (even if they really did) just so that Octavia wouldn’t abandon him.

I hope this helped while also getting you a little bit more interested about Ren <3

[hoshibait]

i'd love to hear those drake headcanons of yours :^)!

alright anon i warned you

quick warning for obsessive love and idk bro toxic angst i guess

also another warning i’m projecting a lot, specifically onto drew.

i’m a strong believer of drew being one of those gay people that just really represses their sexuality to the point of just not realizing for a while. he eventually figures out his gender but he doesn’t really talk about it much and cringes when he thinks about it too much. he’s a transfem agender, no big deal.

i know a lot of people hc drew as hispanic and that makes me very happy. you wanna know why i made him peruvian though, i’ll tell you why, i’m projecting, suck it nerd.

drew began being friends with jake during freshman year, in my head i feel like part of it was out of pity, drew didn’t think too much of jake at the time, just a new cool guy to hang out with.

idk how canon this is but in my interpretation the two of them the two of them got close to the point of being best friends, the two of them just jived together so well, he felt so understood, jake was an amazing guy, he was so fun to hang out with. it felt like things were perfect. however we know it wasn’t always great for the opposite party.

i’m a firm believer of neurodivergent jake, i don’t know what he has exactly but he’s def peculiar LMAO.

because of this, he’s always struggled socially and generally just being able to be his true self, of course he has a passion for singing and music and i wouldn’t be surprised if his neurodivergence impacted that at all.

think about it though, you’ve been bullied and outcasted your whole life, and all of the sudden a group of cool dudes want to take you in just because you seem cool to them?

jake finally felt a sense of belonging, right?

except those people were also judgmental to an extent, they put other people down, they put down your passion indirectly. you don’t want to lose them, because they seem to care for you, so you hide and lie, you mask.

i wouldn’t put it past jake to have some identity issues with how much he lies even to himself. ngl the more i write this the more i realize i said all the important things in my little chart. oh yeah my drew bpd hc this is def just me projecting btw, also i called it developing/undiagnosed in the chart since it's very rare for people his age to get diagnosed with it, plus he def goes around untreated. i guess the best way i can describe the two of them in my hc is this weird complicated love-hate thing. they're definitely not healthy, not at this rate, but it's like there's this slight chance, this sliver of hope that maybe things can work. i don't think that would happen though. i still need to think of how jake would even turn down drew, but i just know he'd be, more torn, lmao. you guys think a little bit of tyler the creator could've saved drew //slap

[maknaesdancersrappers]

hehe hi ^-^ i haven’t done this in so long ohmy but side note, i usually write these in my notes app before sending and i searched up devoted and i have a bunch of different notes just about this story i think i’m obsessed 😭 but anywho!!!

going back to 16 real quick!! idk if anyone has brought it up yet but y/n recalled a memory with jaehyun??? is she hallucinating or did they actually interact and she forgot all about it, this gave me a sliver of hope that there’s a redemption arch 😭

also i knew [redacted] was guilty! but i feel like he isn’t working alone, and y/n is saur pregnant! girl you’re not fooling anyone. but it gets me thinking, if she actually is what does this mean for her and jae? will jae still let her go like he says if she’s pregnant? ohmy.

on the topic of pregnancy i think the girl yuta got pregnant is minkyung’s missing cousin! i haven’t forgotten about her ! but i can’t remember if she went missing before kun came or after, if it’s before then i think it might be kyungwon. ngl i’m a little on the fence about that though bc if it was her why would she still be sleeping with him + wouldn’t she be showing?

this is hard idk who it was😭 unless someone in the friend group was secretly banging him idkkkk. also i was curious as to why [redacted] took mina and went back to reader chapter 7 and it started to make sense. 1/4

i feel like [redacted] and jae are twinsies 👬🏻 he said: “I didn’t have the most… respectable past. I was spoiled; I wanted to party, not study. I slept around, refused to be set up for arranged marriages. Eventually, my father grew tired of my nonsense and kicked me out. I was essentially disowned by my family about 5 years ago.” and if you think about it jae was kinda the same, his father spoiled him which gave him the resources to stalk y/n, he was forced to party bc of his friend group, idk if he did much studying but assuming he didn’t bc of his friends he probs would have been let off the hook due to his money, he didn’t sleep around but he did stalk y/n and did morally wrong things😭.

the only difference is that jae chose who he wanted to marry (by manipulating) and wasn’t disowned by his father. maybe that’s why [redacted] is doing this? bc he knows they’re so alike but there’s some jealousy that jae got away with everything while he was stripped of everything? idk but it’s like okay why drag the other girls into it? what’s the end goal? kill jae and get himself killed? then what’s the point?😭 2/4

but moving on,,,,doyoung knowing about jae being the stalker gaged me 😭😭 i honestly didn’t consider him knowing but it only makes sense he knew the tea 🍵 doyoung also telling jae “But you’re good to her and that was enough for her.” is giving me hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls ik he’s done bad things but i need jaey/n to be endgame 😭😭

i was also debating if jaehyun is a monster like [redacted] said at the end of the chapter. yes he has done horrible things there’s no contesting that but i feel like we also have to take into account that he was raised to think what he did when he was younger was normal. he grew up knowing that’s what his father did, jaegun enabled him and didn’t get him help until it was quite literally too late. from what we’ve seen we also know his dad is abusive, i’m sure that didn’t help with the anger he had growing up too. 3/4

classic case of nature v. nurture. both of them screwed him over. he was already at a disadvantage with his (undiagnosed) bpd but the fact that his parents demanded him to always be perfect and essentially forced him into his old friend group and punished him for doing what they asked did a lot of harm. i don’t know why he specifically chose to focus on y/n, it makes sense that she was an escape but legit why her out of everyone? maybe bc she didn’t know him and was a clean slate? idk but he was doomed from the start.

i’m ranting sawry. but my point i guess is i don’t think he’s a monster. ofc he should take accountability for what he’s done, but i don’t think it was entirely on him. i’m at least taking into account the fact that he was at a disadvantage from the start. by the time his parents got him help he was already depressed and anxious, then they put him on drugs that messed with his head even more and made him suicidal before (assuming) putting him in therapy. idk but if i were in his shoes i’d be pretty pissed too😭. but even despite that he continued to get help and tried to be a better person for y/n following her giving him a second chance. he’s grown up thinking he’s a monster and that’s actually upsetting when you consider the cards were stacked against him. i also feel like he was starting to mature and be better with his bpd but then the rug was pulled from under him :( ughhh it’s so hard bc i don’t condone what he did but when i think about the factors that led to it i sympathize :/ either way you’re doing a great job because the fact that i feel so much for one character shows he’s not one dimensional and is a testament to how great your writing is that i can feel sympathy for someone so complex !!! 4/4

it's the way i got this and read it in the middle of a ranked valorant game and started internalizing it during a TFT match

but okay.

other points of this... theory?? will be addressed throughout the next chapters.

what i can say tho, regarding the high school flashbacks, yes, they are from y/n's memories - like the event itself wasnt significant in her life for her to remember clearly, but homegurl has time and she's in constant overthinking and reflection mode

unfortunately for yebin, yuta has definitely procreated -- i can spoil as much that yuta jr (not official name) is alive. does he know? does he care? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

that analysis on jaehyun's upbringing is so *chefs kiss* yOU GET IT uGH but again, as for the reason why he locked in on y/n, we'll find out soooooon ish?

that is all

[infatuatedpup]

I just graduated college.. crazy thing to mention on my love sick blog. But there’s a reason I bring it up.

I’m happy my friends and mom came to my graduation.. but amongst the crowd I saw a lot of people with their S/os and such and it made me remember when I was dating a senior as a sophomore .. he was a terrible guy but I loved him (I think) at the time.. I was at his graduation because I was with the marching band so when the ceremony was over I ran to him and kissed him. We were on a break at the time but I did it anyways lol and little did I know his dad was recording and caught that on video. He got mad at me for doing that but I wonder if he ever watches that video just to see me jumping into his arms and kissing him. Sounds sweet.

He hates me now and thinks I’m gross bc I’m fat but whatever tbh.

I then thought about my other ex and how when we graduated we were not on speaking terms.

We eventually got back together 2 years later then broke up again because I was scared of commitment and the future.

But could you blame me? He was my highschool sweetheart and had been on and off for a bit ( because of me I’d always break it off but that’s because I’d get scared and leave)

N e ways tonight when I got home and took off my gown n make up I thought. I wonder if he finished school. Because when we were dating he never really shared where he was with his school journey like if he was transferring or getting an associates.

I thought about if maybe he was graduating this year like me ? Unlikely because I changed majors late and he had his heart set on architecture.

I wonder if we stayed together, would he be at my graduation? With flowers for me and happy for me ? I don’t think we’d be a good fit given our history but given I have no one else to romanticize.. I turn to him ..

Speaking on him liking architecture I wonder if hed like going to places in downtown with me since I’ve been exploring there more .. I think hed like it.. sigh idk I guess I get lonely. I mean don’t get me wrong I love my friends and when they go out to do activities with me it’s fun and I enjoy myself! But seeing couples makes me slightly sad .

Funny enough tho looking back on my relationship with my hs sweetheart , I was giving very undiagnosed BPD and it didn’t help that I didn’t have my anxiety under control.. lol

I mean I’ve moved on , am slowing working on my BPD, and I’m sure he has moved on too, he dated someone else after me. So can’t expect him to be single forever lol . But lowkey I wish hed be single forever

But if anything I’ll be the one single forever since I’m avoidant asf and can’t take relationships slow .

Anyways

Congratulations class of 2025

Finally have my associates Jesus that took so long 8 fucking years

[without-qualms]

[Character Info]

▄︻デ══━一

So, the timeline is prolly gonna vary, but for the most part, I’ll be playing him after he was shot, with some of my head canons as to how he survived that and the after effects. Otherwise, I intend to stay true to his character, just diving deeper into what we see in the movie.

Headcanons:

After the bullet, he gets intense migraines, struggles with smaller text, has issues with the eye closer to where it hit, and of course, a shit ton of scarring. He’s also probably a lot more irritable, easily frustrated, very easily provoked about the scar and the incident. All the fun stuff. Being/acting manic are different things, but I have bpd, so I’m gonna give him bpd because I think it’d fit. Prolly unmedicated and undiagnosed as well.

Will add as we go, but if you want to interact with a Nigel before all of this, just make it clear in your ask or whatever :3

▄︻デ══━一

[snowseasonmademe]

random hot take but I was thinking about it just now. I’ve heard a lot of women say that they don’t understand why men become or want to become gynaecologists and that they shouldn’t and I 100% disagree.

The reason gynaecology and medicine in general is so barbaric to women (especially black women) is because men never cared to learn about women’s anatomy. For example, they wrongfully assumed that the cervix doesn’t feel any pain, yet after actually STUDYING WOMEN’S BODIES they discovered that they were wrong. Men studying women’s bodies opens up the medical field to better and much less painful and harmful treatments for women seeking healthcare.

For example, in a non healthcare, but sexual context, would you shame a man for not knowing how to sexually please you while simultaneously not wanting him to know where the clit is because you find men knowing about women’s bodies weird? NO. BECAUSE A MAN KNOWING FEMALE ANATOMY CAN LEAD TO BETTER PLEASURE FOR WOMEN. IF THEY ACTUALLY KNEW WHERE THE CLIT WAS, WOMEN WOULD BE CUMMING.

In a healthcare, yet non sexual context, a lot of women and girls go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed with mental health disorders because throughout most of history, only mens’ and boys’ brains were studied. For example, many autistic and/or adhd women are either misdiagnosed (usually with BPD) or not diagnosed at all or lately diagnosed because mental health professionals are often only taught to look for the signs of autism/adhd that present in boys. Most girls/AFAB people present with Inattentive ADHD (daydreaming, mind wandering, etc) and most boys present with Hyperactive ADHD (bouncing off the walls stereotype of adhd) and mental health professionals historically only really studied boys so most girls go undiagnosed until adulthood.

That wasn’t a gynaecology related example, but yeah. I think that it’s actually good that more and more men are open to becoming OBGYNs and learning about female anatomy because if they know more about our bodies, they can treat us much better than they currently do.

I do understand the fear that a lot of girls have though, I’m sure everyone has heard of the famous stories of creepy doctors, and the fears are valid, but I promise you that most doctors are not looking to perv on their patients. The majority of doctors are just truly trying to help patients and get their jobs done. And I think that a lot of us tend to mistakenly look at gynaecology as a sexual/lusty thing when it comes to men being gynaecologists, so we think they might be creeps and all, but from my experience, that’s usually not the case.

(I’m a med student and I just wanted to get this off my chest lol).

i get what you’re saying. i don’t think a lot of women at first were uncomfortable but there have been tooooo many situations and not we can’t trust it. of course we want to believe that a medical professional is a medical professional but it’s kind of hard when you hear horrible things all the time. and a lot of women do get misdiagnosed with a male OBGYN (i know not all but a lot). i personally wouldn’t want a male gynecologist either tbh. it’s not because it’s a sexual thing. if there’s a woman gynecologist and a man gynecologist that both studied the exact same things, went to the same school with the same professor and work at the same facility, i would still want to the woman. i think it’s because i know that she knows more no matter what because she has the same parts i do.

for example would you want a labor and delivery nurse who is a mom or a dad? i would want the mom because she knows what i’m feeling and exactly how to help! yes they’re both professionals and parents but the mom just has more of an understanding.

i think it’s a valid fear to be honest. getting sexually assaulted by a gyno is not something that is ever supposed to happen but the fact that it has, has some people side eyeing every male gyno. for me, it’s kind of the same as having a fear of getting shot in a place where there’s a lot of people. it shouldn’t happen but it has a lot and now i’m always looking over my shoulder. that was an extreme example but that the only thing i could think of.

of course men should know a woman’s anatomy but it’s been taken advantage of.

[melonae]

I would like to preface this saying that Mivvy has a destructive mental illness, BPD probably but he’s undiagnosed AND unmedicated, the only thing he’s been medically acknowledged of having IS neurodivergence and not EVEN what kind

nonethefuckingless, he leaves Elliott SEVERAL times during their relationship. most of the time he goes off to ginger island for DAYS before returning and dare I say he HATES. HATES Elliott for forgiving him, for everything he’s ever done Elliott has not one ounce of HATE in his soul but mivvy hates himself with every last OUNCE of his being it’s primal to run away, run away again and again until Elliott is TIRED of him. He WANTS Elliott to despise him, leave him alone leave him DEAD but he doesn’t— he doesn’t because he KNOWS mivvy wants him to hate him, so bad

and believe me, he loves Elliott back, he loves him so much he would KILL for him no matter WHAT. theres no ounce of pure spite in his body towards Elliott when they, you know, date, but there’s this VICIOUS feeling of wanting to cause pain just so he (mivvy) can go back the way he was: miserable

FYI RHIS DOESNT GO ON FOREVER AND EVER THEY, especially mivvy, get some form of help!!! I’m just focusing on the Lesser Fun parts of it because I can milk so much Filthy Angst out of this

[sadghostdiary]

When I was a kid, I used to be very paranoid. My mom was a single mother with undiagnosed bipolar and BPD and she was terrified of leaving me alone.

I also grew up in a dangerous place, so she felt it was appropriate to tell me she had life insurance, in case she died. She always reminded me about this, and how to claim it if something happened to her.

She was not a good mother by any means. I often found myself wanting to run away, to emancipate myself, to just disappear, to die, or maybe to get adopted by someone else. Anything but being there with her.

Every time she was late from work, I started thinking about how she must’ve died, and even though a part of me was saddened, most of me was relieved.

I found solace at the idea that I was free. I felt caged around her. Trapped in her delusions. She was a big child that me, as a child myself, had to take care of, console, and cater to her emotional needs.

I wanted to be taken care of, I didn’t want to take care of her. It was exhausting.

Thinking about her not being there and me not having to worry about money was a daydream. I couldn’t think of anything better that could happen to me.

She was manipulating me to stay with her. Even when I was an adult and I could move out, she used to go on these emotionally manipulative tirades about how I was all she had, the only thing that gave meaning to her life.

I couldn’t leave her with nothing. I couldn’t take away from her the only thing she had, myself.

Until I did, and when I left a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It was like I could finally exist as myself without her trying to pull my strings constantly as a messed up puppet master.

I was free and I could be myself. And I just caged myself again with someone else.

My heart hurts because I’m not loved the same way that I love. I am not cared for with the same amount of care I put into others. I am always giving and never receiving.

All that my heart has desired for a while now is to be loved right. To be deeply loved and not manipulated. To be with someone that admires me and someone I can admire. To be with someone that’s kind and sensitive and understanding. Someone that gets my art and my pain.

It seems like I’m always getting lowballed by my relationships, and it’s probably because I accept less than I truly deserve.

It’s like that quote from that teenage book I don’t remember reading but it was something like « we accept the love we think we deserve ». I probably don’t truly acknowledge I deserve better.

I’m also in love with someone else and it hurts. It hurts so bad because I’m already with someone I wish I wasn’t, and if I was free I’d go for him. But I can’t because I cannot stand the thought about inflicting pain on him, even though he’s constantly hurting me.

I couldn’t forgive myself if I broke his heart even though he crushes mine regularly. I’m tired of feeling beaten down, begging for love.

What can I do? I’m just a lonely soul, afraid of being truly alone. I’d rather stay with an empty body than try to venture out and find my true love.

I care about him but he constantly proves he doesn’t care for me the same. I used to adore him, but every day I love him less and I crave for someone who actually loves me more.

Will life stop being cruel and send me the love I want?

[gaybd1]

One brother two years younger than me works remotely and never leaves his house which he owns (he’s always been the naturally luckiest of all of himself like the salaried he’s been living off of without a college degree are insane) but never takes care of bc he has terrible depression and lives alone. Actually he lost his job in like august and has been just living off credit cards since then bc he’s off his meds and too depressed to apply for a single new job. He’s about to lose his house. He lives so close to the whole family but never sees or talks to them. He was bullied a lot in terrible ways as a kid and our dad was not supportive at all and he’s kind of alienated himself from the whole family because of that? I relate to him the most bc if I hadn’t left the country I’d be in his exact situation right now, I’m positive

My sister is like 4 years younger than me. She’s doing great right now, she’s the GM of the biggest weed dispensary in town with another promotion not that far down the line I’m sure. She’s looking to buy a house soon but has always been so much better than me financially. Our dad always treated her the worst because she’s a girl and she really never deserved any of it. She had a huge drug problem in her teens and actually lost her best friend when she ODed in front of her. She’s always had a hard time with anxiety and depression and undiagnosed ADHD and definitely something else but seeing THAT obviously messed her up a whole lot more so she’s very. Here and there.

My next brother is about to be 20. The youngest two were adopted internationally. He was 5 when he came home out of an incredibly neglectful and abusive situation. He’s got all sorts of scars and while he (honestly luckily) doesn’t seem to remember that part of his life he still had the ROUGHEST time growing up dealing with that trauma. The rest of our family was absolutely not equipped for it honestly. RAD and BPD and a dad who just up and went “fuck it, this is too hard for me, I’m out” didn’t help either. This kid was sneaking out of the house and stealing shit and drinking and doing drugs well before 10 and there were probably way better things to do for the boy with abandonment issues than to send him to the mental hospital and to live with his dad but honestly it was tricky because he kept physically hurting and threatening to kill the rest of us. This poor boy. I loved him the best I could and gave him as normal of a childhood as I could have. He never finished high school and can’t hold down a job and last I heard of him he just got his drivers license suspended which honestly I think is the best move for him

The youngest brother is about to go into his last semester of high school and might even go to college! He’s a lot more wild than the average teenager but he’s doing okay. He literally thinks he’s invincible and doesn’t value his life, but that’s just teenager stuff right?? He’s a big shot on the schools varsity football team and is keeping his grades up. Childhood wasn’t easy for him either because he had to see allllll of us and our own issues and he was the next brother’s favorite punching bag. But he was too young leaving Guatemala to remember his life there so that, while tragic, is also great for trauma reasons. He lives with my mom which is also best and was quite young when the next brother up got sent away which I think really saved him. He’s always been very much influenced by those bad choices and his brother is more than happy to let him be his scapegoat. He’s actually kind of gullible and it’s clear he does have his own issues to deal with, especially around my dad who has WAY too many issues to talk about but my brother pretty much believes all of the terrible lies he tells about my mom so. Not great. That all gets very complicated but yeah he’s still the most normal of us so far so here’s hoping….