#just for laughs: gags

[laresearchette]

Tuesday, April 11, 2023 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES? FBI TRUE (Paramount +) YONDER (Paramount +) NEIGHBORHOOD WARS (A&E Canada) 9:00pm THE WEAKEST LINK (CTV) 10:00pm ROAD WARS (A&E Canada) 10:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT THE WALL (NBC Feed) AM I BEING UNREASONABLE (TBD)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

NETFLIX CANADA LEANNE MORGAN: I’M EVERY WOMAN

IIHF WOMEN'S WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP (TSN5) 11:00am: Hungary vs. Germany (TSN5) 3:00pm: Sweden vs. France (TSN/TSN5) 7:00pm: Czechia vs. Switzerland

MLB BASEBALL (SN) 7:00pm: Tigers vs. Jays (SN Now) 9:30pm: Dodgers vs. Giants

NHL HOCKEY (SNPacific) 7:00pm: Capitals vs. Bruins (TSN4) 7:00pm: Leafs vs. Lightning (TSN3) 8:00pm: Jets vs. Wild (SN1) 9:30pm: Oilers vs. Avalanche (SNPacific) 10:00pm: Canucks vs. Ducks

BIG BROTHER CANADA (Global) 7:00pm

NBA BASKETBALL (SN360) 7:30pm: NBA Play In: Hawks vs. Heat (SN360) 10:00pm: NBA Play In: Timberwolves vs. Lakers

22 MINUTES (CBC) 8:00pm: This Special Has 30 Years: A must-see retrospective episode that looks back at 22 Minutes' history while exploring what has made the show such a groundbreaking cultural force over its 30 seasons, featuring interviews with cast, creatives, and collaborators including Rick Mercer, Mary Walsh and Peter Mansbridge.

CANADA'S GOT TALENT (City TV) 8:00pm: Another week of auditions sees acts of all ages take the stage; judges Howie Mandel, Lilly Singh, Trish Stratus and Kardinal Offishall; host Lindsay Ell.

WILD ROSE VET (Cottage Life) 8:00pm/8:30pm: A cat named Lovebug requires emergency surgery after being shot in the leg, a Pomeranian named Cheeka has a bad cough, and Savannah and Dayle take a trip to learn some horse-handling skills from a well-known Métis expert. In Episode Two, we learn all about the job of Vet Techs as Brooke assists a dog named Charlie who was injured in dogfight, and Savannah treats an elderly dog who was kicked by a horse. They head to Sturgeon Lake for the community's first ever spay and neuter clinic.

JUST FOR LAUGHS: GAGS (CBC) 8:30pm

CASUAL (CBC) 9:00pm/9:30pm (SEASON FINALE): Tensions arise at Dawn and Charles’ rehearsal dinner. Laura is humiliated after showing up at Michael’s art exhibit. Alex finds Valerie and Emmy in bed together after an ecstasy trip. In Episode Two, Valerie and Emmy search for Alex at home but find Laura instead. Alex looks to Leon for support. Valerie and Alex make up at Dawn and Charles’s wedding.

HUDSON & REX (City TV) 9:00pm: An imprisoned killer forces the station into lockdown by taking a hostage and attempting escape.

[beartitled]

Waiter, More Peaches please!

Anyway I had my fun, back to grind 🫡

Peach peach comic is in the making ✏️

[ducktracy]

had some thoughts regarding the bastardization of Porky’s legacy in recent decades and thought they were perhaps interesting enough to relay here

[aerequets]

i can imagine anya writing a letter to loid or yor like that

oh yes I agree 100%. i think i was kind of like anya in many ways as a child, even aside from the haircut

[multongsisig]

Faces from my past return

Another lesson yet to learn

That I'd fallen for a lie

You were never on my side

[brightyearning]

some notes on Leave the World Behind (mild spoilers ahead) :

Ethan Hawke and Kevin Bacon are practically the same person. I wasn't entirely convinced otherwise until I saw them side by side.

I'm always gonna be on Ruth's side. bc why are we sleeping in the basement of our house? after we've proven our identity? on the second night?? i literally could not focus until that was addressed, like bffr. and all she wanted from her dad was a little reassurance and solidarity and he essentially sold her out to be coon to the racist entitled white woman who's still a little jumpy around him.

which brings us to Amanda. i think it's very telling that it took the end of the world as she knew it for her to acknowledge how awful she is.

G.H. act like you have some fucking sense. please.

Rose is a girl after my own heart. you better believe I'm following the signs into my own little slice of heaven.

[cementcornfield]

I don't plan on leaving Joe so, I mean, all that's gonna take care of itself.

A Compilation of Ja'Marr Not Wanting to Play with Other Quarterbacks

[momentomori24]

You know, for as much as I joke about Grace and Wolfgang having had sex (and it apparently being confirmed by the team too), I'm actually genuinely intrigued if that will be plot relevant later. I've seen some people talk about Grace potentially being pregnant (and side eyeing Wolfgang's corpse too which LMAO). That may sound way out there and a stretch, but it's actually not that unbelievable, surprisingly. The animal that Grace is associated with is the rabbit. Rabbits are known to represent fruitfulness, lust and fertility due to their rapid reproduction. And in Christianity they also represent rebirth and resurrection on top of that (hence why they're so intimately tied to Easter, the celebration of the resurrection of Christ).

Considering how Eden's Garden has a LOT of religious symbolism and parallels to the bible, it wouldn't be too unimaginable if that's going to be how her animal symbolism becomes relevant later on. Her being the character most associated to fertility and reproduction while also being heavily implied to have had sex (probably unprotected) doesn't seem like a complete coincidence, I think. Just food for thought. Love it, hate it-- if nothing else, that'd certainly be one way to put the "dead" in "dead beat", amirite?

[reineyday]

mishanks mafia au where shanks is the don of the gol family and and mihawk is a hitman hired by the government (it's a conspiracy!) to kill shanks.

when mihawk shows up, shanks puts up a great fight, and even tho shanks loses (he's on the ground with hawk's blade at his throat!), mihawk decides shanks is way funner than the government and doesn't kill him after all. mihawk intends for this to be the end, with exception for perhaps more fights in the future, but shanks has already fallen on love and starts trying his damndest to get mihawk to work for the gols.

mihawk always refuses, but when the government puts out a hit on mihawk because he broke contract, mihawk finds himself thoroughly protected by the gol family anyways. shanks, however, doesn't save mihawk fast enough to spare the hitman some torture so, in retaliation, shanks brings down the entire government and exposes the conspiracy while he's at it, with the finale being a grand announcement that mihawk is his, actually, back the fuck off and don't try this again.

by the end, mihawk still doesn't work for the gols, but if he marries into the family, well. "there's still a difference, red." (shanks whines about this daily.)

[sapphim]

obsessed with Shepard dying and being reconstructed by Cerberus. waking in a body you don't recognize, free of scars, a clean slate, unlived in. minor tweaks here and there, "upgrades" unasked for, cybernetic or bioengineered. 20/10 vision, too crisp and clear. a more efficient liver. old L3 biotic implant replaced with cutting-edge technology. forcibly assigned übermensch. have you been cloned, or merely Ship of Theseus'd? if they cloned you once, would they do it again? could you be activated as a sleeper agent? would you have any way of knowing? they say that paranoia is a sign of reaper Indoctrination. is it really paranoia if you have good cause?

[twomanyfandomshelp]

I watched Scott’s Real Life video first because he and Joel are the main two I watch, which is ironic because of their ongoing in-game feud and very different personalities, video styles, general vibes, etc., but I digress.

My first thought when I saw the title was “Yay, another life series!” My second thought, upon seeing Joel standing in the circle, was “Oh my gosh, Joel, three SMPs at the same time? Why does he do this to himself?” Then, after watching for a bit, I was like, “Okay, never mind, this an April Fools video, still fun though.” And then I proceeded to enjoy the silliness and binge everybody else’s videos.

Let me tell you, watching Martyn’s video before Scar’s and hearing Scar yell that he’d fallen out of his wheelchair, I was really worried, and I immediately searched for Scar’s video to make sure he was okay. I’m glad he’s alright, I bet that was scary.

On another note, do y’all consider Cleo’s win cannon? Cause I do! Go Cleo, she deserved this.

I’m kinda sad it wasn’t Joel or Jimmy though, I got really excited when I realized how well Jimmy was doing. He got, what, 7th place? The canary curse has officially been broken!

This post has gotten way longer than I intended. Oh well.

[laresearchette]

Tuesday, April 04, 2023 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

NETFLIX CANADA MY NAME IS MO’NIQUE (Season 1) THE SIGNING

BKT TIRES & OK TIRE WORLD MEN’S CURLING CHAMPIONSHIP (TSN/TSN5) 2:00pm: Czech Republic vs. Canada

MLB BASEBALL (SN Now) 7:00pm: Phillies vs. Yankees (SN1/SNEast/SNOntario) 7:30pm: Jays vs. Royals

NHL HOCKEY   (SNWest/SNPacific) 7:00pm: Penguins vs. Devils (TSN2) 7:00pm: Red Wings vs. Habs (TSN4) 7:00pm: Blue Jackets vs. Leafs (TSN5) 7:00pm: Sens vs. Hurricanes (SN360) 9:00pm: Chicago vs. Flames (SNPacific) 10:00pm: Kraken vs. Canucks (SNWest) 10:30pm: Oilers vs. Kings

NBA BASKETBALL (TSN/TSN3) 7:00pm: Raptors vs. Hornets (SN Now) 8:00pm: Hawks vs. Bulls (TSN3/TSN4) 10:00pm: Thunder vs. Warriors

BIG BROTHER CANADA (Global) 7:00pm

CHUCK AND THE FIRST PEOPLES' KITCHEN (APTN) 7:30pm: Inukjuak, North-of-Québec: Muskox Hunting: Chuck visits Nunavik, where he hunts muskox during the summer alongside a community Elder; together, they follow a herd next to the water and cook their prey the traditional way.

CANADA'S GOT TALENT (City TV) 8:00pm: Howie Mandel, Lilly Singh, Trish Stratus and Kardinal Offishall continue a round of auditions; the judges and host Lindsay Ell are moved by surprising and soulful performances.

MARY MAKES IT EASY (CTV Life) 8:00pm: Put away that Old El Paso kit, cause Mary’s here for Taco Tuesday!

OUTBACK OPAL HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 8:00pm: The Blacklighters achieve a long-held dream with the purchase of an excavator, and the Bishop resorts to explosives to break an opal drought.

WILD ROSE VET (Cottage Life) 8:00pm/8:30pm: A guinea pig named JT has a life-threatening tooth issue, a duck named Dick has a septic joint that needs cleaning, and Savannah and Dayle head to La Ronge, SK. to speak to a class of high schoolers and mentor the next generation of veterinarians.  In Episode Two, an elderly dog named Layne needs tests to see if she's stable enough for surgery, a cow suffers from a prolapsed uterus, and Lil shows up with a couple of creatures that need the team's help before they can be released back into the wild.

JUST FOR LAUGHS: GAGS (CBC) 8:30pm

HALIFAX COMEDY FESTIVAL (CBC) 9:00pm: Shaun Majumder, Cathy Jones and Bette MacDonald perform; from the archives Irwin Barker, Steve Patterson, Mike MacDonald, Michelle Shaughnessy and more.

HUDSON & REX (City TV) 9:00pm: Charlie gets a break in a long-unsolved kidnapping case that has haunted him, but runs into trouble when the abductee refuses his help.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Lilia is a milf hunter confirmed

He’s into hot older women with life experience… and kids… 😭 Between Meleanor (Mallemom) and Dylla (Mrs. Spade), Lilia ain’t beating those milfhunter accusations anytime soon/j

Looks like Rook has some competition for best huntsman at NRC, huh?

[mamawasatesttube]

favorite ship dynamic: shenanigans. if they arent gonna get up to mischief together whats the POINT?

[archdevilsupreme]

There's us being reasonably disgusted... and then there's Karlach... and she could always go for a "good" meal. I love her very much.

Bonus

a disgusted lyrical gangster

[bumblingbabooshka]

In any universe.

You're the only one allowed to touch me. You're the one I trust most of all - out of anyone, out of everyone here. I'd do anything for you, at the cost of myself. I'll spare you from whatever pain I can, even if it means following your pure, wordless, desire. Desire you can't act on. Anything - Except one. You're the closest thing I have here. The closest person. You're the one I trust the most. My oldest, dearest, friend. We're the only two with history. I'm sorry I can't have you by my side [officially] but I need your eyes to keep us safe. We're both entrusting our lives to one another. For the next seventy years, until the end of mine...wasn't I going to make vows along those lines? Unspoken. Unspoken. We've never needed to talk too much. You detest it. [You wouldn't use those words.] I'll go back in time to rescue you. I'll mourn you. I'll pull you from the jaws of death. I'll prevent it, I'll prevent it, I'll do it right the first or second time. I've already made you believe in luck - my assistant in this infernal magic trick: We started with nine lives, what're we on now? How many times can we pull off this miracle? 70 years of lonely nights. A captain cannot lie with a member of the crew. A Vulcan cannot lie at all. Ceremonial jewelry in a lockbox. Too painful. Is it logical to remain so devoted to what's been lost? Why do we keep this going? Coins in the wishing well. We should wish them well and be rid of it, all of it, the feelings we once had - still have. We should bid them adieu. The logical thing to do. They say I'm cold and I've never minded before. My words are the same temperature as your hand over my mouth, silently bidding me not to speak. I obey only because it's you. I guide while you warn me of icebergs, keep the water out, keep the shooters sharp. You protect the ship and I'll protect you. The string that ties us together isn't the devoted red clinging to my captain's pips. What color is it? This love. This betrayal? This feeling. What color is it? I'll destroy it, if necessary, and you'll do the same. The same ruthless annihilation our stations demand. We'll obey, we'll destroy it, and be empty. Fit to continue on. Anything short of perfection will be the death of us all. I can be a person with you, only you. You know me better than anyone. Look down, at the string, don't say anything. Just think. What color is it? Don't say anything. You know as well as I, if you say it out loud... It [won't/will] come true[?] Another coin descends. Our last one. [Patreon | Commissions]