#just felt good and showed ig first dont mind me

[very-d1pper]

inspired by a post from @jamandjazz

How Johnny Cade, Dallas Winston, and Steve Randle are affected by their parent issues.

ok so keep in mind i havent read the book since december (i dont have my own copy) so this might be a bit wrong. im using info from my mind, the movie, the musical, tiktok, and here.

Johnny Cade

so its canon that johnny wouldve ran away if it werent for the gang (starting off strong with dally-johnny parallels OUCH)

the abuse from his parents definitely gave him a fucked up sense on what it means to feel loved

which is why johnny gets along with dally so well, i'll get into that more in dally's part

he 100% thinks that the entire world hates him except for the gang

someone said that he is so sweet its sick, not true. the abuse definitely toughened him up enough that he will be mean to strangers

he canonically is somewhat responsible (going out to the store to buy supplies and giving ponyboy a note)

im saying that because im pretty sure pony says something like twobit and someone else in the gang would forget to buy something johnny remembered

johnny learned that from having to live out on the street sometimes when his parents fought or kicked him out for multiple days

he is the living definition of forgive but never forget

he just wants a home

i personally hc that the abuse started as johnny grew older, maybe when he was 6-8 years old

which is why johnny (especially in the musical) still cares about his parents

because he remembers that they WERE good people

and he hopes to bring them back eventually

Dallas Winston

oh this man...

ran away from his problems. thats canon

his mom died when she gave birth and thats why his dad is the alcoholic deadbeat abuser he is

the abuse from his parents gave him a fucked up sense on what it means to love

which is why he can talk to johnny so well because johnny is used to the type of love dally gives

he 100% hates the world except for the gang

the abuse toughened up both johnny and dally, the thing is dally grew up with it, johnny was raised with love at first

also dally's environment in ny, that place is rough in many areas

tulsa doesnt have that, at least not on the level of ny

he's rough with everyone because thats what he learned

Steve Randle

UGH THIS MAN BRO

screw u se hinton for giving us NOTHING abt him

anyways!!

the neglect sooo fucked him up

then his dad giving physical money for forgiveness?

hell nahhh

steve definitely felt like he cannot be loved without paying someone

like with real money

which made him feel unlovable because he's like broke as fuck

soda was the first person to show him what love actually is

his mom uhh eloped to wherever after steve's birth ig idfk

steve thinks everything in the world comes with a price, even an ounce of love

i literally cant think of shit for this man rn

All Three

accidentally trauma bonding

johnny mentioned something then both steve and dally said "same"

genuinely concerning from an outsider standpoint but really funny to them

if it was modern au darry or soda wouldve sent them to therapy

one time johnny got kicked out and went to the curtis house and found steve in the kitchen

j: "kicked out?"

s: "...yeah"

j: "same."

then dally walks in

d: "bottles got thrown at me in buck's place"

j: "ptsd?"

d: "no-" *remembers he's with two people who had it happen to them* "...yeah"

j and s- "its good."

johnny convinces them to do a cuddle blob thing (the gang's done them before)

darry wakes up and see them, doesnt comment but remembers for blackmail

[chevelleneech]

See so i think jikook are close def that much i can say, but i dont think they are in a relationship or a serious one at that , i mean we are pretty sure that jk had teh thing with the women (which people for some reason dont agree with or say its a cosplayer , who has teh exact same hairstyle, floorplan, walls, dog, sofa and lights , mannerisms, apartment and very soon after that jk said that "saesangs are still here" , so i dont whats there to disprove over here for those relegious jikook people) and then jm has with the actress who posts his apartment pics, and all of this happened esp with jk at that period when they admitted they werent talking at all, and wouldnt have if they hadnt met, throughout ct it felt that jk was sort of anxious, bored, distracted more like it and felt was upset, all of this also points that maybe they had a fallout a major one perhaps, but now they are better bc hell they went to military together. But all of this factually also puts out that jk and jm are not dating, jk is having his fun, with prob diff people, relationships and same prob with jm. Tae was with jennie, and even rm had a long committed relationship until recently it seems from rpwp songs. so all of this people fighting over taekook vs jikook and how jk seems abusive is redundant , bc they arent in a relationship either of them. what are you thoughts about it.

You including the “Jungkook was anxious and irritated and upset” line tells me you’re a Tkkr trying to hide your hands, lol.

Jungkook may have been nervous at the start of their trip to Connecticut, because Jimin was too, as they both mentioned it’s the first time they’re hanging out after a bit of not seeing each other. But this attempt at highlighting JK only, and saying he seemed uninterested in whatever ways, has been the one thing Tkkrs clung to since the first episode, and it is baseless.

Jungkook is allowed to feel however he felt, but we also all watched the damn show. He was smiling and happy during every single episode thus far, and reiterated his joy many times over. He also said during the first episode that he wanted to keep traveling and filming with Jimin after enlistment. He wants to do it until they’re 50. Was he exaggerating? Most probably, and him being tired at some points was a given due to him being in the middle of promoting his solo work. Outside of that though, he was happy and willing to do the show.

Jungkook and Jimin traveled together because they chose to, because they wanted to. So whatever was going on behind the scenes between them, is something we will never know the full picture of. So if you don’t think they’re together, okay, but I don’t think you ever did, because I’m pretty sure you are a Tkkr anyway.

Regardless of what you ship though, smoke and mirrors are not good indicators that people are dating. Jimin and Jungkook flirt and put their mouths on one another. They choose each other over and over, so no matter the fact that there is a woman claiming to be or trying to insinuate she is Jimin’s girlfriend. Without him ever confirming that, she’s just a weirdo.

Not to mention, why would any of their actual partners post the way she does? If Park Jimin was my man, I do not need to vague post and try to show off bits and pieces of our lives to convince his fans of it. Never mind the fact that it’s his private life. So if they are together, unless Jimin is okay with her stirring shit up in the fandom and posting his house on IG… that’s not something a grown woman, who is famous adjacent herself, dating an incredibly famous person would do.

In comparison, Namjoon and his potential boyfriend situation is the near exact opposite of what that woman is or was doing. We have no idea who the man (or men) is in the pictures Namjoon himself posted. Maybe some people do, idk, but the point is, there is no way to determine who they are nor what they mean to Joon outside of fandom speculation. Yet the speculation makes sense and is believable, because Namjoon himself played into it. He wasn’t deterred by people questioning his sexuality nor relationship status, he posted a heart over a man’s face, and was posting all types of loves songs as he traveled with his family and a man. Yet when he seemingly had his heartbroken, he deleted all photos of the emoji covered man (or men), started talking shit about relationships, and posting sad queer music.

That, imo, is how I believe a relationship between any BTS member would go. Not the heartbreak, but a “quiet launch”. Tae and Jennie were even along similar lines. They unfortunately didn’t post their pictures themselves, but even in the middle of the drama, they kept seeing each other in public spaces. They just didn’t publicize their whereabouts.

So if two members of the group can seemingly date both famous and presumably non famous people, and take pictures and be seen out and about with them, why can’t Jimin? Why is his relationship shrouded in mystery, and only fueled by the woman claiming to live with him all the while he makes no move to imply there’s truth to the rumor?

If he and JK have absolutely nothing going on, why is he out here letting his girlfriend look goofy, all the while biting hickies on a man? While flirting with a man on live and asking him to get naked? While traveling with the same man, getting his ass slapped by him in bed? Enlisting in the military with said man, using a program that keeps them together the entire time?

So again, you don’t have to ship Jikook nor think anything of them, but if you’re going to pull in Taennie and Namjoon’s possible situation to use as examples of the members dating, keep it steady across the board. Jimin and Jungkook’s speculated relationships with women do not match up with Taennie nor Joon’s situation, yet Jikook does.

They travel, sight see, share meals, stay up late, take cute selfies, and cuddle up. So what makes Jikook less likely, aside from them being in the same group for a decade? Which only adds reason to why they may have had some communication issues or whatever, and needed time apart.

[suffarustuffaru]

If you don't mind me asking but when did you first get into re:zero

yeah i dont mind at all :o ig yallre gonna hear my full origin story now haah. its my—my… ok id say tragic backstory but i dont think this is really that tragic LMAO. my humorous backstory? silly backstory?

anyway i got into rezero in summer of 2020!! this was months before s2 started airing and by around this time there was just s1, s1 directors cut may or may not have been out?? i forgor :<, but then s2’s first teaser came out right about now.

it was quarantine…. i was bored one day and wanted smth new to watch… and by then id only really briefly seen rezero—like you know that s1 promo poster with subaru standing there while surrounded by some of the main girls in s1 (beatrice felt emilia rem ram)?? yeah id seen that. in the back of my mind i kinda assumed the show was just another one of those abt a dude surrounded by his harem of girls or smth?? :< but then i learned the Real Premise is the time travel. via death!!!! and ive always loveddd angst and whump so i was like “NO FUCKING WAY I HIT THE JACKPOT” and eagerly looked into rezero some more to see if it was worth watching. and then i saw all the shit reviews on rz that never seemed to agree on if it was good or not…… and then gigguk’s video…… and then i saw mother’s basement on youtube make a defense of rezero s1 and i was like!!! ok fuck it im watching this show. i want the angst i want the complex time travel shit. i think id spoiled myself on a couple of subarus deaths by this point trying to decide if i should commit to rezero and then i started binge watching s1!! esp when i was like ok this is a good time to get into it s2 was announced right??

anyway i got hooked on rezero fr 👍👍 the first s1 emisuba lap pillow had me quaking in my boots ;-;;; and i was already invested from ep1 bc i liked the characters a lot already!!! i am simply BUILT DIFFERENT i loved subaru from day one!!! by the royal selection episodes ofc i was dying of secondhand embarrassment but tbh i grew even more invested in rezero after that!! i was and still am super impressed that the narrative had the balls to have subaru fuck up sooo so so bad there. like seeing that emisuba argument and the julisuba duel for the first time was crazyyy. the conflict was really good and the latter s1 development…. woagh.

and then you know i finish s1 and i immediately get to researching how to read, i read arc 4’s wn and bawl my eyes out from the sheer amount of rollercoaster both the emotions and Long Ass Novel gave me (yes i was bawling my eyes out at parent and child) (yes i was bawling my eyes out at choose me) (yes i was bawling my eyes out for all the suffering loops) (yes i was bawling) (i have no clue how i read all those pages fr like that arc is massive), i speedrun arc 5, i accidentally spoil certain bits for myself (arc 6 stuff), i read most of arc 6 in spurts, tune in every week for s2 (and bawled my eyes out seeing the s2 part 1 op for the first time) etc etc!! one thing lead to another and now i am here…….. three yrs in this fandom… nearly (?) a yr being active on rezero tumblr… HAH

also i made a reddit account back inn…. 2020 or 2021 bc i wanted to be a tinyyy bit active in rezero reddit (this was half a mistake btw. i think i have more balls of steel now but my younger self was sooooo naive. shaking them by the shoulders. this is an anime fandom!!!!!! and this is reddit!!! whatre u expecting???? i am less shy now on the internet thats for sure!!). anyway im still a tiny bit active on rz reddit now after not touching it for like a year. now i use my reddit account for spreading otto propaganda and slander /lh …../hj

but anyway ive never been active in fandoms until rezero and thats bc id usually lurk and a lot of my past hyperfixation medias were :< big fandoms :<<< but then. ok im a fanfic enjoyer and i didnt write much fanfic or publish fic at all before this fandom but then in 2020 after watching s1 i checked rezero’s ao3 page and *sniffles* *sobs* thERE WAS ONLY LIKE 2 PAGES ON THERE MAN….. A WHOLE DESERT…. yes and then one thing lead to another and now there is more fic and also ig id be considered an english fic writer elder maybe…… i started posting in like fall/winter 2020? and maaaan im one of the only ppl from that era whos still posting i think!!! ive seen the entire english fanfic scene pop up!! ive participated in a bunch of community events… sooo wild to think about. i feel old guys!!!

but now i have gotten more and more active in the rz fandom yes :3 its been fun!! rezero is very important media to me and ive met lots of cool people in my time here :) when october 2024 rolls around itll be s3 time (AAAAA HYPE HYPE HYPE) and like four yrs of me being in this fandom?? its wild but my lifes genuinely changed a lot bc of me getting into rezero!! met lots of cool people… made pals… gotten my writing and art out there and improved on it via. large amounts of rezero fanart HAH.. became more unhinged.. etc etc :D even got to meet one of my buddies i met via rezero irl 👍👍 more irl crossover events will happen i swear.

also gigguk in my eyes redeemed himself for his old rezero skit vid by making a glowing review for rezero s2 with his pals. i can forgive him i suppose :<<<

in conclusion: idk if i count as a fandom elder but i sure have a lot of my own fandom lore pfft :<<<

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

LIGHTS, CAMERAS, ACTION - BEING YOUR MOST MAGNETIC, PHOTOGENIC SELF ; MANIFESTATION 101

Hey ! So I wanted to share my thoughts on being more magnetic with your persona and growing into your most photogenic self. As someone who didn't like taking pictures, and was always stuck with the same selfie pics being shot from my left angle I had decided to put myself into different boxes until I eventually stuck my foot out of them. At some point, I felt rather estranged to photography, not liking how I looked or felt and my my my did it show on camera. I had a vision of me being my most picturesque, most striking, beautiful self, and knew that if my mind could see it then it meant it we're possible. And I mean, to be honest, I had done it so many times before I was just unaware of it. And for me, even when your unaware of it the potential is there, it just needs more work.

So now, I'm ready to share what I've learned with obtaining a more photogenic persona. If you've had dreams of being a supermodel, a star or someone who just likes to be photographed a lot then this is for you. I'll try to make this super sweet and easy for you guys and give some tips on how to manifest your best photogenic self.

First tip : Start small. Get that camera phone and start taking pictures from unusual angles.

Sometimes it hurts to see ourselves in a way that doesnt match the vision we see for ourselves and thats okay. It takes work and practice but don't give up..

Now if you didn't like some of the pictures, what emotion do you feel? Shame? embarassed? cringey? I ask because our emotions play heavily into our reflection, and a lot of how you feel can reflect back to you on the photo.

When you're looking straight into the mirror, you gotta feel it. Feel allll of it. And leave no crumbs.

If you're not use to feeling like your 'that girl' then baby you gotta make it that way. I aint never said it would be easy, but I never said it could get difficult. Be a star! DONT BE AFRAID TO SHIT ON EM!!!!

Now when focusing on trying to manifest this desire, who are some super models, ig babes, or people who inspire you to be more photogenic look like? Vision boards are a great way to create a space for your vision to come to light because the focus is on the energy and less on the individual of liking.

When meditating on your desire, affirmations around photoshoots, feeling beautiful, and being a model work to the t. It's even best to program your mind into believing them while doing the thing.

So when your practicing, challenge your mind while focusing on some new poses. Your mind will begin to follow divine instruction through intuitive based thinking and you'll flow deeper into the subject at hand. No need to control every aspect, this is simply watering a plant. We got to plant the seed just to see it through babies.

Play with yourself, baby you gotta have fun! I wan't yall to shake off those insecurities because I promise you the roots of them aren't from your own tree. So weed them out and start all over. You deserve to see yourself in a new, beautiful light. This is your world, we just livin' in it.

It all starts off with the poses, make them worth it! Whenever you feel uncomfortable thats when you keep going because THAT'S what starts this train up until we get ready to go into the finish line. Like I said before, this doesn't come easy if you're not use to allowing yourself to freely pose and feeling good as hell while doing it.

You manifest it by forcing yourself into this new formation. When you look into the camera, you need to feel that you are the supermodel of the moment. Even if it doesn't feel real, even if you have to fight with yourself. The thing is. We are born with a certain ability to manifest the desires of our reality. Everything can be ours, if you just see it through.

Mirror Magic should be one of the main focus for practicing and developing your skill. Because the camera is reflecting back to you what you see. You ever took a picture of yourself and just hated it, but other people did? It starts with how your mind reacts to certain things based of emotion. So when I say try focusing on poses and doing affirmations in the mirror I want you to appreciate your beauty and also understand that your beauty is indescribable and can't be duplicated. I want more of y'all to understand that your thoughts can sometimes play tricks on you... so if you feel like you're not photogenic than your commiting to downplaying yourself and thats the lowest frequency to be on. You get what I mean?

Being confident puts you in a neutral/higher frequency than most, so you always gotta stand ten toes on your magic, your beauty, your essence, and your light. I hope this message can help a babe be her most photogenic self. Have fun, and be yourself! Bye babies.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Dancer anon advice

Hi all! Someone wrote me about some advice, I'm just copy and pasting it here so I can add a 'read more' line and format it a bit differently than usual so I can keep my thoughts in order!

Italics is their writing

Bold is mine

i noticed ppl were using this blog to ask about stuff, so here goes ig?

(also im sorry this was going to be me asking about gender stuff but now its just kinda my life story 😭 if you dont want to answer this, you can just write a post saying like. dancer anon i dont feel comfortable answering this or whatever)

Ahhhh, you all need to stop apologizing! I never mind helping!

im afab, and i feel like i never really fit in with gender? like, i would always be so jealous of my feminine friends but i didnt feel good when dressing feminine myself

i also take dance classes (i started at around 6/7) and i felt like i had to wear all the skirts and shit because i wanted to be pretty like the other dancers, and i felt really terrible after a few years of that, because i hated how i looked in them and how i looked when i danced

(i also used to have a dance teacher whos hands were always cold and thats all i can remember about him but i really hated dancing with him and would get relieved when classes were over. ive hated dancing with boys/men ever since)

and it got like. really bad. i believe? (my memory is actually terrible. i cant remember anything for the life of me, so it could be my mind overexaggerating, but anyways.)

i would always ask for me and my teacher to just do stretching because i hated how i looked when i danced because i hated the skirts and everything because i hate my legs and how they look when bare. i hated attending dance classes because people would see me and see my legs and see how i looked and i felt terrible all the time (i think i was around 9 or 10 at this age?)

so one day i had a whole crying fit and my dance teacher told me that i dont have to wear skirts or whatever, i can wear pants and shit (i was so fucking relieved. istg. i now wear skirts to dance only like. couple times a year maybe)

and then soon enough covid happened! (also keep in mind that i grew up like. really sheltered. i did not know what gay people/transgender people were until i read fanfiction about warrior cats 😭)

and i was so delighted! because on distance learning, no one would see me and be able to judge me for how i dress or whatever

at around this time, my fear of everyone masculine really grew. its still there. im fucking terrified of all men. i cant help it. like every boy man masculine person. i get so scared. i hate it. i hate it so much

but then covid came to a halt, yk, school started again .-. i felt like shit, honestly. i didnt have ANY clothes i felt comfortable in. my hair felt too long and "feminine" and i wanted to cut it for the longest time. my clothes made me feel terrible. i hated how the leggings would wear on my legs and how my sweaters would show my body shape and how my butt looked (i still really hate how it looks. why is it big. i dont want it to be i hate it so much)

yeah so there i am, feeling dysphoric as shit (i did not know what that was, back then, by the way, but i believe thats what i was feeling)

didnt help that my only friend was a toxic, lying, manipulating bitch who led people on for fun and always expected everyone to worship at her feet

after a while, i discovered different labels! (bisexual was the first label i had for myself. i felt good with it, ig?)

and then i got to the gender situation. i used so many girl alligned terms because i was so scared of being percieved as the very thing i am terrified of (masculine ppl). i went through demigirl, girlflux, genderfae, genderfluid, i beleive, maybe somethign else too, because i wanted to stay connected to being a girl.

Okay so here, I want to ask, what's the reason to wanting to say connected with being a girl? Is it feeling like you are partially a girl? Not wanting to be connected to masculinity? Not wanting to let go of the 'girlhood' that you grew up with? None of these reasons are bad but I think thinking about this more might help you figure out your gender.

around this time i started doing leader steps for dance. the euphoria i felt. please.

ahhhhh wait! I do ballroom, too! I'm a follower, though. what's your favorite? I LOVE tango. Okay, sorry, I got distracted.

found out i was a lesbian, used nonbinary but with she/they pronouns and felt like shit whenever anyone called me she but didnt want to make a big deal about using they

ooo, okay here- asking for your correct pronouns isn't 'making a big deal.' it's asking for what you need and asking for respect.

found out i was aroace because "people actually find video game characters attractive?" 😭

thought i might feel better as a boy? cut my hair. i loved it so much (i still do) (that was may of last year) got baggy clothes. covered up my figure. did leader steps for dance.

over the summer i started using labels such as agender? which i feel like fits me?

anyway, thats the life story part, now for the part about what the fuck am i

i feel like shit whenever im called a girl or refered to with feminine terms. im not sure if it would classify as dysphoria or not, becuase i dont feel /that/ bad about it, but it still ruins my mood and kinda makes me want to cry.

okay so here's the thing. not 'feeling THAT bad' doesn't mean anything. Dysphoria is dysphoria. and this is dysphoria. Just because you're not throwing up in a corner doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.

if my grandma calles me granddaughter, girl, whatever in russian, it automatically ruins my mood. makes me feel terrible. i hate it.

i dont feel as bad when my sister calls me her sister, though, for some reason.

Okay! So for me, I hate being called a lady, but I don't mind my wife calling me her wife. Again, this is all completely valid <3

when i get called by she/her i hate it so much. i dont want to make a big deal about asking for they/them - sometimes my friends remeber, sometimes they dont.

ive never tried he pronouns, dont think i want to.

they/them pronouns dont give me that much euphoria either, its just like. ok

Okay! Have you tried neopronouns? If you're not interesting in those, it could just be that they/them is what feels best. And that's okay, too!

another thing. my friend has another nonbinary friend. she always genders them correctly, but almost never me. it makes me feel like shit, like she cares more about getting their pronouns than mine, even though i know that thats not a good mindset and shit.

*loud buzzer sound* wrong. Your friend should be gendering everyone correctly, not just some people. Good friends care about making their friends feel comfortable, and this friend is making you uncomfortable. Would you feel comfortable talking to them about it?

also, heres some more on my fear of men because who doesnt love being scared out of their wits irrationally :D

my dance teacher had to leave to go back to where she lives, so they gave me a male teacher (i tend to only have female ones.)

i would be in tears every lesson. i felt like shit. (also i hate the sound of peoples voices and he would always be talking and i hate it so much because his voice, amongst others, is one of the ones that hurts my ears the most.) i even went to my mom to ask her for a change which helped ig? my new teacher is really nice and i love her so,,, yeah

Okay, I want to stop here to say- a lot of this has to do with gender, right? But this particular response seems to be rooted in trauma. Without prying too much, I am wondering if there is something that happened with a man or masculine-presenting person or people? You do NOT have to share with me, but this might be something to explore with a trusted person in your life. I mean, there is a chance it's gender-related, but in the most loving way, there seems to be something deeper going on here.

anyway, you dont have to answer this, i was going to just ask for help with labels and feeling like theres no correct label for me (i use agender now, for simplicity, because i dont feel connected to having a gender at all)

So I guess my question is, how do you feel about the agender label? When I looked up the definition, it seems to be defined as exactly what you described- someone not having a gender at all.

Also, remember that your gender identity and expression are two different things! You can identify as agender (or any of the other things you mentioned) and still choose to dress however feels most comfortable and use whatever pronouns feel most comfortable. There are no set rules except: do what feels most genuine and comfortable!

if you do want to answer this but dont want to use this large of an ask on your blog, just call me dancer anon, i will see and understand 👍

again, sorry for dumping all of this on you

ahhhhhhh don't be sorry, you are a wonderful human!

have a wonderful day

you, too! please message me if you want to talk more! <3

[wanderrlust0]

:s

im home now and im glad me and him got high today bc i dont think i wouldve been able to be okay emotionally and pretend like everythings good. i just read my last journal post and i just started crying. like i gave him till the very last minute to say i love you to me and he didnt so i whispered it as i got ready to get out of the car and he then whispered it back. like, he wasnt gonna say it if i hadnt said it. he just said it bc i said it but i can tell it was like empty words like wtf i feel like he doesnt really love me anymore rn and ive done absolutely nothing wrong like its unfair and im tired of it. he hasnt been himself since tuesday. first he wasnt himself when i saw him sunday. then i forced him to talk about it a little. then he was good monday, saying good morning, goodnight, using :3 a lot. then tuesday he just went back to the dryness and sounding uninterested. stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning to me. its now thursday (technically) we hung out. i texted in caps goodmorning bc he again just started saying stuff. i feel like he was only okay today bc he was high. he was touching me a lot but mostly my ass bc i wore a skirt. i didnt mind it ofc but i did sorta feel like he was mostly touching me in a sexual way and less romantic way. he is so fixated on my friend who he doesnt like and thinks id cheat with. bunny stop being insecure..honestly. i feel like its def that and his inability to fully trust me is what the main problem is. like he was barely loving meD: i can tellll when he genuinely does bc he shows it but today and these past few days just felt so casual and not full of effort. like why the fuck am i really crying right now like idk how im feeling bc im like ofc hurt and im confused and tired and annoyed and upset and sad and it feels less fun. i always end up doing most of the talking when hes like this bc itll make me so uncomfortable to sit in silence. like theres a good silence and a weird silence. i used the bathroom and left my phone on the table. ik he most likely scrolled thru my notifications. like im sure he def did. he was standing right there. even tho it was locked and he cant see the details of the notifs ik i have nothing to hide. the thing is how long is it gonna take for him to have some faith in me and stop doubting me and treating me like im a copy of everyones past mistakes. i think now im really actually not gonna act like things dont affect me and show more dryness or annoyance or distance. whatever i feel towards him ill reciprocate or stop pretending like its nothing. he didnt answer my text where i sent him a video that i thought was cute and funny and i wanted him to see it too. no acknowledgement from that. he hasnt sent me an ig reel in days. he stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning. he did now. the edible made him happier today and same with me. we drank and it made us both sleepy. idk what hes feeling towards me. he doesnt really share everything bc he thinks that it doesnt make a diff if we talk about it or not bc he feels like nothing will change and its pointless. i obviously disagree and i feel like we def have to talk, whether itll make a diff or not. it will do something. itll help us understand each other more. itll help us see things in a diff perspective. itll help us clear the air and get rid of the elephant thats lowkey in the room. i wish he wasnt so insecure in times like these. i wish he was more confident with himself. i wish he would really just love me unconditionally and not question our love. i wish i didnt have to tiptoe around the topic of my friend. i wish hed pay attention to whats in front of him and realize how great we can be. hes like a part of me now and i cant see myself without him and i desperatelyy wish hed just understand thatD; im trying and doing my best. i love him to pieces, but if i feel that hes losing interest, it makes me lose interest and i emotionally feel less of a connection to who he is. its like i love him and want him close by but his energy isnt the same person and i miss him againnn. hes back to caring less

[lucihens]

Hi. I just want to somehow make catharsis about the whole Chenford break up going on and listen other takes on it.

Maybe Im just a girl going through Mercury Retrograde being delulu not wanting to aknowledge they are over. Having said that:

I just know this is not the end for them. But not for plot reasons that we are all speculating. I mean sure for plot reasons is necesary for Tim to get his shit together before taking the next step with Lucy (Eric said in his interview that Tim loves her and its seen in the lie detector scene and all the Tamara moving out storyline that has been going since last season they are sure heading to moving together). Also sure Lucy has suffered many things and is interesting to see her next steps.

But I just know this is for marketing reasons. They need the show to be renewed for another season and a massive cliffhanger like this one when there's a 3 weeks break between episodes where they know people will be engaged on it is a good way on getting that renewal.

They know people still watching the show because Chenford. They have stated they are endgame. But they are producers and writers and plan things ahead in order to keep the show going. Is just trust the process and the fact that they work on this and know what they are doing. I have seen many shows (most of them from ABC) to know they give the fans what they want bc in the end is a product that is sold and know that not doing something your target audience wants equals not product to be sold.

Also, even though Melissa and Eric had said that there are some things coming on Tim and Lucy on the season finale and blah blah blah. They are putting a lot of effort on the breakup promotionally speaking. The interviews released the second the episode finished, the TikToks from Melissa, the whole ice cream promo with letters to the cast about the breakup and they laughing and making jokes (also like the ig account still saying Chenford stan account) is more clear is about making the people engaged and furthermore, making the network renew the show for season 7. They are actors and know they must keep a good relationship with their fans (I mean if you make something that upset your fans then how would you keep getting called to act if you dont have people watching them for you and other actors can), what Im saying Is they are laughing and all of this because they know how it ends and know they end in a place where fans will love it, if not they are basically bullyng us lol.

So long story short: just keeping my peace of mind knowing it is just marketing. By the interviews we know somehow the season finale lets them in a good place, so if season 7 comes maybe we got time to see them making up with more time and development (things this season had been rushed bc the strike, not only here but in most shows) and if there's not season 7 it will end up with Chenford with a sort of an open finale where all points to them giving it another chance in their inmidate future.

Hope i made myself clear. Just wanted to vent haha. And lets chill and cross fingers for season 7 and an Oscar for Melissa and Eric because that break up was so CHEFF KISS like girlll I have felt that pain too.

hello dear anon! thank you for being my very first ask!

i hope you won't regret venting to me because this response ended up....well...extensive. i have many many things to say and a lack of adhd medication to contain them.

i would also like to note that i'm not at all experienced with writing think pieces on the internet. but even though i haven't written an essay since college, i can sure yap. and even though i'm a genius /s, this may not make sense to anyone. so here's what my chronic fatigue and i were able to conjure up:

yes, tv shows are primarily for an audience, whether writers and directors do accept that or not, that's what i'm guessing producers have in mind. tv is literally built 'for your viewing pleasure', and with this show in the past, and by past i mean season 5 especially (and the shock and surprise of 4x22), they (whoever they is) have been manically hitting that red button titled 'DO THE THING THEY WANT' just so they can say they did it and you as an audience can't complain. so yes in my experience, shows very often, if not always, write for an audience, otherwise the creators would just be giggling at themselves in their own private screening room at their custom, personalised tv show made only for them. when you give a show to the masses, it is, in certain ways, their's now. so going against everything an audience wants is certainly an interesting move, and since i have a common disease called 'being absolutely befuddled by the varying degrees of human nature' i don't know particularly what their aim is, what they're hoping this will provide an audience, as well as the show as a whole. what i do know however, is that there is not just one kind of audience, within the watchers of the rookie, there is obviously an abundance of angst lovers, an array of fluff lovers, complex think piece people, and apathetic 'this is what i fill the void of a tuesday night with' people (which is potentially what makes up a good portion of the viewers (?), not just the dedicated fandom we see on social media). with this in mind, the creators, the writers, are evidently incapable of satisfying every single diverse/contradictory demographic. so it's unclear which demographic they want to make happy at a given storyline. is this to give the angst lovers what they want? is this to give the comfortable fluff lovers a kick in the rear? or is this just to keep the average viewer interested in this ever-appealing show? i can't speak for them at all so i couldn't say which, but i also haven't a scooby doo. maybe others could give their opinion on which of these they think the creators are aiming for, because i couldnt tell you. then again, maybe it's all of them. maybe we let the rest of the season play out to completion, and we may know for sure. but marketing a show goes hand in hand with keeping the general audience as well as potential new viewers: 1. happy and excited, 2. interested in investing their time into the show. and given that season 6 is a short season: yes, i'm sure the marketing the break up is one of their best bets at keeping ratings up and viewers in, whether it comes directly from outrage or intrigue. and given how some other storylines seem to fall kind of flat (wink wink nol–), especially compared to last season, the initial lucy storylines and the now tim storylines are what is keeping up the hype for such a small season. and i'm sure (hoping) the other characters will have something to add to the s6 plate to further the impact of such a small season and the plots within. but for the most part 'chenford' is such an electric word. drop it in anywhere and the millions(?) who have ever laid eyes on the show just got a shock. and they know that, so of course they'll use it to their advantage in anyway they can.

and with this rambling: one thing i'm sure of, the only thing i'm sure of, is that yes: THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. and not just a slight admiration or a tinge of care. actual undying love. incomprehensible love. i don't know a lot about this topic but i definitely love to aggrandise the concept of love, and especially unto something harmless like fictional characters. in the real world, loving someone isn't always enough for sure. but not loving someone at all can also having no bearing in the upkeep of a relationship (i know this from personal experience). so whether or not two people end up together in real life, has no distinguished rule of 'do this and feel that and you'll be together forever'.

but this is fiction! WE make this stuff up. so we can do whatever we want! we can link A to B and say these characters love each other so they must end up together, and still be flawed along the way, because they are not real. so in my opinion the various ideas like "real relationships have people breaking up", "real relationships have people never getting back together", "real relationships have people never breaking up", and to follow, the incessant "real relationships have good communication!" don't matter anyway because ideas based reality have absolutely no impact in this fictional realm. yes bring in realism, be realistic if you want, but don't let reality dictate your fiction entirely (as well as the inverse). nor should you let reality make you want your fiction to be completely unreal. both fiction and reality have complexity in personality and characterisation. people have personalities and characters have characterisation. the one commonality is imperfection. but just because they are similar doesn't mean they have to be the same. it doesn't mean chenford are realistically doomed. and with this the plot that may unfold could be one unexpected, one unreal, or one completely real. tim and lucy could work through their own storylines, flaws and complexities separately and i'd be glad to see it.

i had a lot of issues with how fan service esque the initial 'canonisation' felt and maybe this is not just to market their show, but to finally listen to the majority of the audience, the particular audience that literally helps them market the show. aka the social media citizens. the ones who talk up a storm about what they love about the show and literally rope others into watching it. maybe they'll finally write them with more specific intentions this time, maybe this is what this is for. not just for drama but to give us what we wanted to watch in the first place but heavily missed out on: pining, feelings, dramatic reconciliation. who knows. we won't. not until the season is over and s7 inevitably comes (it's guaranteed).

i know many become angry with this show about what it does and doesn't do but one thing that helps me survive is this: it doesn't matter, the episodes exist anyway. they will continue to exist even if they don't have what we want. all we can do is feel every feeling this show evokes because that's really what it is to be entertained, at least for me. we're not the creators at the end of the day, no matter how much we've created. if something happens we don't like, we don't like it and we talk about how we don't like it. if we do like it, we talk about how we like it. and we praise the actors anyway, for the characters they bless us with. and the creatives, who gave us the masterpiece that is season 2.

and with that, i conclude. this definitely got away from me like the runaway train in my adhd brain. i wrote this sleepy and fatigued and i think i might be brain dead so if there are contradictions or things that make not a bit of sense feel free to call me out on it! especially those who are more experienced yappers, i'd definitely like to know what you disagree with or think has no place in this piece.

anyway, fin. thank you anon and TLDR; chenford will be fine and the show will always favour exploiting the most loved characters for marketing but with every PR box of ice cream sent and every article written brings in one more viewer to our beloved show and at least we'd stand a chance of a season 10.

[yagamisdiary]

yk i kinda find it cool how u were able to write y/n from eldia. i remember u telling us on ur ig that y/n from parasite & y/n from eldia were 2 completely diff people and it was significantly harder for u to write eldia y/n but i think that just shows ur versataility as an author n it's really fcking cool. i'm only 18 but someday i wanna write like u bc it's honestly amaaazing how creative ur ideas for stories could be. esp eldia it felt like a movie n parasite was a rollercoaster too

if u dont mind me asking when did u first start writing stories n stuff? or just start writing in general? <33

aw first off thank u so much for recognizing that <3 bc it honestly is ten times harder for me to write eldia than parasite so compliments are gratefully appreciated!! my goal is really to make that shit feel like a movie, i put so much effort into trying to like… help the reader feel like they’re really there in that scene with the characters if that makes sense lol

as for that last part, i used to love reading as a kid like i was a very quiet kid (hard to believe i know i dont stfu now that i gained confidence) and my head was always stuck in a book because i was OBSESSED with disappearing into a made up world just for a moment

i loved reading sm that i started just making my own stories when i was bored with random characters i made in my head & in school when we had writing assignments i would get so happy because i just loved doing it and the fact that i would get really good scores on them was even better (praise kink origin story)

during covid i was really into AOT and i was stuck in quarantine like straight up holed up in my house for a whole ass year,,

i had alot of time to myself and was DEPRESSED over the ending of the aot manga and i gave myself temporary happiness by watching aot junior high but even that ended and i wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to aot yet

so i was like i’m gonna write a fanfic about eren cause why not and it’s not like anyone is gonna read it so i can make it however i want

….side eye.

eventually parasite blew up which was ??? scary both good and bad, my life definitely changed from it and i was like hey… i’m kinda really good at this ppl actually like my ability to be delusional 😍

and eldia was born shortly after and it’s honestly both a breeze and a challenge to write but it’s my baby atm and i think about it 24/7

[todayisafridaynight]

WHAT DO YOU MEAAANNN "MID" THAT COMIC GOES SO HARD AND NOT FOR ANYTHING... THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT VERBATIM... THIS GOES HARD. Incredibly effective composition and symbolism and use of values and shadow on the first page ESPECIALLY (I would love to hear what the third eye symbolizes as mentioned in your tags :) ) but. But. But like. Masato being Arakawa's comfort and not recognizing it and certainly not remembering it when he's older... despite how much it means to Arakawa in the moment... owwww owwie

I was gonna ramble about how much it hits home to depict Yoko as non-human because the nightmares that have stuck with the most about my mom were like that But Enough Of That We Get It... at any rate, as always, take care and I hope you get some good news soon!

thank you so much ♪(´▽｀) !! it generally felt like somethin i dont really post (but horror/blood is something i really love and love to draw), so its why i was especially excited to share it and see what people thought: im glad people like it from what i see (❁´◡`❁) ! and im glad the lack of color wasn't anything detrimental- it might have worked better in this instance. maybe.

i dont ever 'title' things per say since i feel weird doin it BUT i guess captions serve as the title sometimes. so the caption 'matrophobia' is really ironic with that whole aspect in relation to masato being arakawa's Everything: on the one hand, it can just be a general fear of your mother, but on the other hand it could also be the fear of becoming like your mother. if i ever intended to go through with a jo variant, 'patrophobia' would for sure be the title with that ambiguity in mind, but (and i suppose in both instances) with this its more ironic here since masato is the one who ends up the most like his parents' abusers- which ultimately just makes things more bittersweet in that moment dont it (´▽｀ ;;;) on top of masato being arakawa's comfort, it's not just masato himself being the only reason: tying back into the alt. meaning of matrophobia, it's also a relief for arakawa in that he didn't turn out like his mother- which, again, makes everything so bittersweet in the end. its like spiders in my brain when it comes to that whole aspect in regards to the arakawa family's history and dynamics...... it makes me insane to be blunt ☠️

ah but yeah ! i decided to make her an actual perceivable monster so people who. DON'T. have issues with either of their parents could get a better feeling of what it is like to have a troublesome parent/s (id rather see wolves in my dreams than my mom on that note- even if they were going to bite my face off ( ´◡` ;;; ) ). i ran out of tags before i could make any more notes i had while drawing （；´x｀） but i do have more and i'll be glad to explain the missing eye bit ! under the cut since it'll just be me rambling bout symbolism ig and its gonna get long (´▽｀;;; )

when it came to the third/center eye being missing specifically, i did it in relation to how the third eye can relate to enlightenment or higher knowledge. definitely just as a result of projection, but its cause all the time when i was growing up my mom would not only assert and act as if Her Way Was The Right Way and that she knew everything, but that i should only go to her if i needed help and no one else could help me- hence it being missing being a reflection of how that notion isn't true (or always true i should say). as en extension, it's also a dig at how enlightened persons are supposed to help others reach enlightenment- yk, guide them. yet, again, in this case, they're only doing harm.

that's all for the third eye bit, but also just some other things i didnt have room to ramble bout last post: i had her lips be torn away to constantly show her fangs since. well. i dont have to explain it i guess: its just meant to highlight the never ending feeling of danger when around her (and the promise of danger). her nose being gone is purposeful too: in animals, the smell of your family's significant and it helps you find out Which One Is Yours right. in her nose being gone- again, more projection and personal problems on my part- it's a way to emphasize the separation between mother and child: 'you're no longer my kid anymore, i can't even recognize your scent'. of course, that's only to the mother: she is the only one no longer able to say they're family because she can't smell that shared scent anymore. in reality, they could very much smell the same, it's just the mother's unwilling to accept that anymore.

i know i mentioned the flowers in my initial post, but her wearing a flower shirt really was convenient since it allowed me to add those thorns and vines. when you have a troublesome parent like that, the feeling of not just being trapped is there, but it's painful- it's not something you can deal with quietly. even if you're not interacting with the parent directly, the thought of their presence or the unfortunate thoughts that come about as a result of having been around them so long are a constant thorn in the side. if i may make a pun ( ´uゝ` )

alright NOW i think i've covered everything i wanted to. without all the symbolism aside, i hope she at least looks grotesque for people to enjoy without the added thought- and i hope i didn't overdue it. in any case im glad you enjoyed it !! i hope you'll enjoy the next comic i get out (❁´◡`❁) if i ever start it and i dont abandon it midway through ( ❁´◡`❁ ;;;)

[superbattrash]

Shut up, I’ll go to bed after this one

These names are….. something

Just call yourself Boom, bro 🙄 don’t put murder in your name, that’s just stupid

If they kill my boy, I’m gonna riot so hard

..fuck. I’m gonna watch one more episode aren’t I?

Oh? I’m another new intro? At least this one is pretty. Still boring tho :/ hmm. Could grow on me ig

So a creepy old teacher? Well that shouldn’t surprise me

That suit is better than the other one, let’s be real

BRO. OLD DUDE ASKED YOU TO DO SOMETHING, JUST DO IT. You THINK TOO MUCH 🙄 the old man is absolutely right. You gotta do whaT YOU TOLD TODOROKI TO DO, YOU IDIOT

Oh someone who doesn’t like Bakugo? Surprise surprise. Huh. Okay, so he gets a calm and collected teacher? That’s good ig

What? He seriously accepted his dad’s offer? Why the fuck would you DO THAT????

You’re getting better kiddo but uh. Still not good 😂

Oh? A young All Might? 👁️👁️✨ Toshinori, yes. I have to remember that.

Ooohhhh :O oh oh oh!!! Now THAT is a hero!!

Aw COME ON I CANT KEEP WATCHING THIS SHOW >:/

..ok one more

Oh handface really is disgusting

Iida’s drowning in his own anger and guilt and hatred, sweetie, that’s how he’s doing

I really like Iida’s teacher dude, he’s a cutie

Why is your tonGUE ALL WOBBLY

Oh ewwwww 😰 there are more nomus????? Yuck

Just get off on that stop, idiot, you know you want to. Oh never mind it’s - OH NO EW IT’S THEM…. Wait, are we gonna get a teacher death???? Nooooooo

NO!!! NO NO NO!!!! IIDA NOOOOO PLEASE DONT!!!! DONT DO THIS BABY PLEASE

OH COME ON STOP DOING THIS TO ME >:(((((

…yeah ok the opening felt like something good for once here

Oh EUGH >:S why are YOU here? Blegh

Iida, my sweet baby child 😭❤️❤️ NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! STOP STOP STOOOOOP DONT DO THIS PLEASE STOP THIS NO NO NO NOOOOO!!!!!!! NO IIDA PLEASE NO

DEKUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god first time you’re A REAL HERO MY LITTLE ANNOYING CRY BABY

FOR FUCK SAKE!!!!!! NO NO NO NO NOOOOO

PLEASE BE TODOROKI!!!!!! PLEASS BE OH FUCK YES THANK THE FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!

Oh heheheheheheh he has his number, aww :3 I mean um. Good on u boys

Oh EW EW EW EW LICKING A CHILD???? YOU FUCKING CREEP

Get over yourself, Iida, you’re just making it worse :/

FU C K YEaAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! THAT’S MY BOYS

Oh the music 🥺🥺🥺 oh. Oh my heart 😭 JESUS CHRIST I AM SOBBING?????? 😭😭😭😭

COME ON IIDA PLEASE GET UUUUUP

What

WHAT

HOW FUCKING DARE THEY

..I’m never going to bed 😭

Please. Pleeeeease 😭 please I need you to be okay. Please baby please please pleASE 😭😭😭😭

YEAHHHHHHH BEAT HIS ASS KICK HIS FACE IN MURDER HIMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Oh another tightening of the fist closeup 👁️✨

OH. GOD. SELF SACRIFICING MORONS I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH COME OOOONNN!!!!!! FUCK HIM UP

FUCK

HIM

UUUUUPPPPP

\o/

Oh ugh back to this guy 🙄 can someone kill him? Or just. Yaknow. Maim him a little? Please? Knock him on his ass at least?

YEAH!!!! Cos your son is AN ACTUAL HERO YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT >:(((

THE FUCKING CHILLS I AM GETTING BOOOYYYS

…ok I’ll admit his theme song thing is. kinda badass. I would like any and I do mean ANY redeeming qualities in this man but. Oh no, did I doom him to die with my hatred? 😬 whoopsie

Oh 🥺 oh my baby 🥺 oh sweetheart 🥺❤️ god this is such a good scene 😭

WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT IT WAS O- NOOOOOO NOT AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER

Oh?? Oh? Oh 🥲 what. what are u doing bro??

HOW ABOUT CAPTURING HIM AGAIN, HELLO???? H E L L OOOOOOOOOO??!?!?!!?!!!

His face? Oh what. What is up with his face?? On another note: he is such a good villain!!!!!!

FUCKING DO SOMETHING??? Oh. W..what

That was some intense angry 😰

Fucking finally, an episode I can STOP AFTER JESUS CHRIST

[skiasurveys]

What does the shirt you are wearing look like?   its a grey oversized tshirt that says "All roads lead to rome" lol

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you?   school. I have like 9 assignments to do this week.

How do you stay positive with all that life throws at you?   I... don’t.  <- same

What quality do you admire most in other people?   being actually loyal.

What is the highest level of physical pain you have ever been in? rate 1-10   tw// abuse: probably when I got hit by my ex

...same question, but with emotional pain?   -- abuse

What is your most prized possession?   my macbook, it has all my stuff on it lol

Which youtuber do you feel like you could be friends with easily?   i feel like safiya and tyler, and maybe Molly Burke.

Do you like your natural hair color?   its alright. its brown.

Do you think you will dye your hair when you start going gray?   i was thinking this the other day.. maybe.

Are you pale right now, or do you have a tan?   pale

Do you think you look best with a tan?   yeah

What is your favorite app on your phone?   Twitter, Spotify, Tik Tok even tho that app is a curse, and Tumblr

How old were you when you got your first smartphone?   I was 14 I think

Do you ever meditate on Scripture?   sometimes actually

Are you living a life you want to escape from? or do you love your life?   im just living.

When was the last time you felt that life was good?   when i was manic

Do you have one big mistake that you've made that you want to fix?   not anymore. I made mistakes, but it got me to where I needed to be.

Do you wish people would forgive you for your past so you could move on?  yes 

Do you wear green on St. Patrick's day?   no. My dad died on saint pats, so..lmao

Are you Irish at all?   i dont think so

Do you pray to God every day?   sometimes

What are three things you are currently looking forward to doing soon?   sleeping, the last of us episode 9, and working ig

Do you ever dance in the rain?   No.

Have you ever sat on a rooftop?   no, i want to so badly 

Who is that last good musician or band you discovered?   I have no idea.. I think Grandson?

Do you like to watch talent shows like America's Got Talent and X Factor?   i used too but not anymore tbh.

Have you ever tried avocado toast?   yup, and i didnt mind it

Name three items on your wish list right now.  New Ipad for my art, new bed, and maybe a new phone.

Are you more talented musically or artistically or neither?   i guess art

Are you better at English or math?   English.

What were your best subjects in school?   Social Studies/ History and Art

What was your favorite subject in school?   Social or any art class. 

Have you ever visited a teacher at their home?   once when I was in kindergarten and she held a bbq at her house

How many windows are in your bedroom?   One.

Who was your first roommate?   i guess my ex boyfriend

Who was your first best friend (besides a sibling)?   Eden

Do you have a sibling who looks like you?   Not really. I have brown hair, and brown eyes, and my sister has blonde hair and blue eyes lol

Name three women you know who have lost a child.   -- I only know two.

Whose was the last funeral you attended or watched?   My dads like 10 years ago

What types of cancer are in your family, if any?   Breast

Do you have big dreams for your future?   I stopped dreaming.

Do you feel alone?   Yeah, quite terribly.

What is this month's calendar picture?   I dont use a physical one

What is the theme of your wall calendar for this year?   --

Have you ever seen a double rainbow?   Yes.

How old will you be on your next birthday?    27

Which nationalities have you been told you look like? (i.e., Asian, Irish) I got told I looked dominican but I dont see it

Have you ever had an outstanding library fine?   No.

What book are you currently reading? nothing atm

Are you poor/broke right now?   Im broke rn but I get paid soon

Have you ever received any scary, threatening messages on social media?  yeah, I got doxxed once

What is the name of your youtube channel?   I dont make youtube videos but i have a channel ig

How many subscribers do you have on youtube? like 110

Do you wish that life were more fair?   yup

Who was your first kiss?   his name was Brandon

Do you feel you have found your soulmate yet?   Nope.

Are you single or in a relationship?   Single

If you're single, do you want to be, or do you wish you weren't?   I wish I had someone but realistically atm i dont have time for one, and also i need to heal still i think

Ever collected shells at the beach?   i used too omg.

Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin?   carve

Who are three of your favorite youtubers to watch?   i have so many i watch but i guess atm- CallmeKevin, Kurtis Conner and maybe Markiplier, or Gamegrumps

What year did you graduate high school?   2015

What do you miss about high school?   I think what i miss is life wasnt as stressful as it is now, and i miss seeing friends every day.

What do you miss about college?   Im still in college

What color was your first car?   white

Do you have a car now?   yes

What color was the house you grew up in?   its like a light light teal

Growing up, what floor was your bedroom on?   top floor

What is your birth order in the family?   im oldest

What would your name be if you were the opposite gender?   I think mom said Nathan

What were you almost named?   Jaycee

Does your bedroom have carpet?   Yes.

Best camping experience?   i dont remember much from camping.

What are the top three travel destinations on your bucket list?   Iceland, Italy, and Japan i think

Do you get heartburn?   sometimes, i HATE it

What are three things you are known for in your town?   omg..idk.

What are three things you are known for on social media?   Stan accounts, I run a traumacore account as well on here, and my art i guess

What is your Instagram account name?   --

Have you ever used Snapchat?   Yes, but now I only use for selfies

Did you want to be famous when you were younger?   yes

What show did you most want to be on as a kid?   i didnt rly want to be on any

First celebrity you were obsessed with?   I think Joe Jonas

First celebrity crush?   Michael J Fox LMAOOOO

What was your first favorite stuffed animal?   I dont know my first. but Max my horse i got when i was 4, which i still have lol

What was something unique about you as a kid?   *annoying as fuck

Were you ever goth/emo?   technically I had a emo phase, but my mom nEVER let me fully unleash it lMAO

Do you want any more piercings?   i want them done

How many tattoos do you have?  Zero.

Do you want more tattoos?   I want to get one.

If you had to get a tattoo, what would you get?   I think a cute fox

Do you mostly write in cursive or print?   I think its kinda mix of print and cursive

Were you ever homeschooled?   nope

Describe your dream wedding in five words. too lazy

Pick three animals that you think resemble you, and why?   raccoon, rat, and a fox

Are you unique?   no

Do you get called a free spirit?   No.

What day of the week were you born on?   Thursday

How are you feeling right now? tired

[readingis-fundemental]

Hi! I got my left by the love of my life and i think i want to stay into tarot. i kept this deck for a reason yknow. i dont believe in shit like that really, but i do? like sometimes, sometimes shit was supposed to happen a certain way. idk. im figuring out myself ig

ive done one spread for myself since he left, a couple days ago. it was. idk lol. but it definitely made me realize i feel something with tarot. and if im going go make it in this life, i need to make shit my own. i need to do things in my own way and make them things that work for me and are things that fit my life. right?

i found a tarot spread about deck bonding, but i reread it and i dont like it anymore. so i made myself one, but its quite involved.

1: My reading style

2: Deck's style of telling/showing

3: How I perceive the world

4: How the deck perceives the world

5: What are my goals with tarot?

6: What does the deck do best?

7: Something to keep in mind about me

8: Something to keep in mind about the deck

1: 7 of Cups

My deck shows a very "head in the clouds" figure. Its a woman whose hair is literally the clouds fully becoming the background. Each of the 7 floating cups hold some different fantastical thing: dragons, magic, poison (?), riches. theres also what looks like a theatre mask (art?) and a castle which to me is safety.

My initial thoughts were leaning toward intuition i guess, creativity and deep thinking. After reading the description, it makes more sense.

"indicates that you are a dreamer who is both excited and afraid of the things that you see in your unconscious." this definitely tracks. with my own thoughts but also how i feel about tarot. its exciting and scary and amazing and im so in awe yet so skeptical.

"although it is good to have dreams and wishes, it is even better to take action attaining those dreams." this is just life advice. but i think it pertains to the tarot. i need to actually do things tho, not just plan or avoid them.

2: 4 of swords

based on my last reading when i pulled this card, my first thought was "detatched". looking at it again, it feels a lot more serene and relaxed.

its of a stone grave? with a woman either statue or stone corpse or something resting. shes clearly in a forest under the night sky, with vines growing around her and a single bright star behind the trees.

it does feel detatched, but not hurtfully so. not coldly, just like above it all almost.

the description refers to a "quiet environment, away from it all" and thats definitely the earthly, grounding vibe if the deck. it also says "It is time to re-evaluate, organize and understand your priorities" and i like that. thats a good perspective.

3: 2 of wands

the imagery is of someone staring out iver the ocean, holding a globe in his hand. hes holding a staff in his other hand and the other hands on the wall. at first i felt it was arrogance, but i think its more wanderlust. more wistful. maybe some feelings of insignificance. the world is so big. those all make sense for my perception of the world.

the description talks about planning, about goals and moving forward. i like this part, "it means stepping out of your cocoon and exploring new experiences and worlds. While the beginning might seem tough and difficult, your encouraged to strive on and push forward." thats the outlook im trying have. maybe thats my decided goal.

4: 9 of swords (reversed)

9 swords hang in the wall behind a person sobbing in bed, hiding their face. its dark. its depressing, its miserable and sad.

the description says that, reversed, this is about finding light in the dark. about pushing through the hard shit or failing hard. real shit

5: 9 of wands (reversed)

upsidedown, this card seemed darker than it is. its of a man having planted his staves in the ground, resting on the last one. he has some kinda look on his face i cant determine. he seems proud and accomplished but also concerned and tired.

i feel like this could be knowing what i want my goals to be, but being apprehensive of the journey. of being so tired of the work ive put in. thats less tarot alligned tho, and its reversed. so maybe being apprehensive of tarot, of feeling the ties to where it came from. of being wary of the road ahead.

noticing a theme here of needing to get over shit lol. of situations that need to change, of me needing to take action. i am afraid, and i am very much teetering on isolation. but im hoping tarot helps me see other ways out. sees other perspectives on things. gives me a suggestion of what to do, where to go. becahse im very lost

6: 10 of cups (reversed)

the card shows a portrait of a family smiling happily in front of their home. their framed by a rainbow coming from the 10 cups framing the bottom, and clouds make up a background. idealistic.

it being reversed feels like fleeping dreams into reality. dragging shit out of the clouds. this isnt a real family, its a dream.

the description is geared socially, but i think it proves my thought. it talks about the breaking of fantasies. of realizing reality. i need that.

7: Judgement

Damn lol.

The card shows a woman bursting out from a cauldron, engulfed in flames and surrounded by a phoenix. interesting for judgement, as this feels very changing and growth and evolution. literally rising frim the flames.

but its the judgement card. i can be judgey. im thrown by this card. i wish i had the descriptions that matched the deck. id love it for this one specifically.

its more about reflection, introspection than judgement. i like this line "It is through self-reflection that we can have a clearer and objective understanding about where we are now, and what we need to do in order to grow as humans."

also this: "You may have to let go of the past, so you can move forward with your plans to have a new life" yeah. i know. i need to remember that

8: 2 of swords

a woman sits over the sea, seeming stuck on a stone pillar. shes blindfolded and looks cold and confined. she holds two swords, crossing them over herself. she looks like shed die trying ti make it out. determined, worn but planning her escape.

the description talks about chooce. about the awful limbo between, the stress of choosing. of being unable to see thst evrrything is rught there. her hands arent tied, is she keeping herself blindfolded? did she blindfold herself?

it also talks about "two equal and opposing forces" and i wonder if that's me and the deck?

[111raismess]

22/11 ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

first entry yay

notes: i feel like i basically did nothing today tho i know thats not true. i have to tell you guys (who you may ask? the voices ofc) that i have been feeling pretty numb lately, its kinda weird, i just dont feel anything lately, sure, i still laugh, cry and what not but it doesnt really last or i like FEEL it. this is also why im starting to try and do more things rather than just rot in my bed all day, maybe itll help? dun know.

─── ⋆⋅♡⋅⋆ ────── ⋆⋅♡⋅⋆ ────── ⋆⋅♡⋅⋆ ───

selfcare:

did my skincare, something i havent done in weeks, felt nice ig.

ate pretty good today, all 3 meals and i feel kinda full, might snack something during the night tho heh.

showered and lotioned my skin.

ALSO I DRANK WATER!! two glasses of water surely contrasts the amount of pepsi i have been drinking lately. my skin better bc of it!!

ᯓ ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .ᯓ

lifestyle/daylife (? dun know how to call it yet) :

woke up late as hell, 2 pm to be exact because i fell asleept at 6 am (i want to justify it by saying that it wasnt a school night but its really bad.. 6 am?? girl)

despite that i didnt really feel sleepy during the day and i didnt nap!! thats an achievement.

made my bed and i organized a bit my room since it was messy and i CANNOT function when my room is messy.

cooked dinner for me and my bro also i washed the dishes today.

i went to the store so imma count it as if i left the house even if the store is 3 blocks away!

ᯓ ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .ᯓ

whatever this is:

didnt really leave my bed today tho, pretty boring day, watched some of the series of danganronpa v2 from jay 🙏🙏 god bless nagito and gundham. i also started romantic killer (my icon shows so lol) made me laugh, its so dumb and cute, IT BROKE MY HEART TO FIND OUT THROUGH SOME TIKTOK COMMENTS THAT IT ENDS IN A CLIFFHANGER??? WHATT imma keep watching it tho, love tsukasa and i won't let any of the other two guys that are gonna appear change my mind! i stand with the somewhat cold blondie!

song im obsessing at the moment:

also im coming back to my msi obsession, 2021 dai is back!

[mnzbrg]

now to actual thoughts regarding s3 of ragnarok

spoilers ahead

i watched it since it first dropped and beem a fan ever since. i love it. im attached to it so seeing it end this way is to least say disappointing bc now idk what's really happend there and what not

like the build up was obv leading to the huge battle, to ragnarok, and then it just didn't happen. it's all in magne's head. i understand what they're trying to say with it but still it's a let down.they just threw it all out. the fuck?

HOWEVER i still enjoyed it to some extent bc again. im attached to it. i love the characters even those that just appeared in s3 outta nowhere

i love the main storyline of every season. the meeting new shit and realising stuff about yourself. finding those who struggle with the same stuff and bonding. fighting your own mind and finding who you really are. the peace message. the family bond. it's sweet. it's warm

i love the "lose everything just to save those who you love" attitude. i love the confusion about who you are and being angry and mad but still having ppl by your side. i love the truce to some extent

i love all that stuff so much i can kinda look past the ending. yes it's badly executed. it would've made more sense if they made some build-up to it but they were leading to the war all this time which makes me just sad. it's a great show with great characters and story and to see it end this way just idk breaks my heart or smth cus now i dont even know what's really happened. were the serpent ever there or was it a metaphor for laurits' inner struggle that he finally let go of? was the whole ragnarok stuff real or was it just magne fighting in his head? was jutuls' crimes real or was it their grief for vidar? are any of them gods/giants? we just don't know. and that what angers me

it probably was all in their heads cuz then what was everything for? the prepaations the fights the everything? it prob was just a battle between the rich and the folk. but that leads to a diff side cuz then that's a disappointing battle too. cuz it's too optimistic. oh the jutuls are now good they're making a deal with the activists. yeah no shit. whatever

so all in all. it is a bad season. but i love the characters and ig the initial story cuz it felt real despite the mythical stuff. the grief. the loneliness. the love. it's all there and the characters carried it so well and resonated with me so deeply i cannot but feel at home with them

[okifyouinsist]

[Adapted from booksta by @sageofgrace | IG: thebookishsage] CLICK HERE FOR THE TEMPLATE

Thank you so much for the tag! (this is gonna be fun)(not)(why are you limiting me SOB)

5 Fics I Always Rec (all f1 bc ive been going down that rabbit whole)(why am i being restricted to ONLY 5 SOB)

1- if you show me that pnina tornai ballgown one more time i will gouge your eyes out with my pen...jkjk....unless.....?

it's by an anon who is literally an AWESOME writer, it's not complete sigh but still SUCH a good read i love it sm

2- goal of the century by zandvoorts (their tumblr is alberparks)

I LOVE THIS SERIES. everthing abt is chefs kiss, i cant even put into words how reading this for the first time felt, it was MAJESTIC

3- Rises the moon by ghostify

CHATFIC!!!!! i acc love chatfics theyre the best AND combined with bearnelli????? score.

4- The Honey of Humanity by TalicTriesToWrite

this author is INSANELY GOOD and THIS FIC. absolutely mind boggling. me and my friend read this tgth after i recommended another one of their fics (AL DENTE) to her and we proceeded to STALK this authors work and THIS ONE. IF ONLY I COULD SHOW U SC OF THE SHIT WE SAID TALIC WE'RE UR BIGGEST FANS FR

5- the red parts by miamis

MIAMIS MY LOVE. just. yes. this fic made me FERAL. i love everything abt it and i reread it ALL THE TIME. i just. love it. omega logan and alpha oscar. what more do you need in life?????

(there are SO many more i want to rec sobbbbbb)

4 Auto-Read Authors

1- rixun I HAVE TO HYPE UP MY GIRL OKAY SHES LITERALLY THE BEST IN MY EYES I LOVE HER FICS SM WHENEVER SHE UPLOADS I RUN TO GLAZE HER, but all feelings aside she is SUCH a good writer like genuinely

2-  SyrupLime this author. incredible. literally an insanely good writer. i want to write them a letter full of love. but i fear id sound insane if i did, but still just all their works are FANTASTIC and their fic was acc the first loscar fic i read sobbb church if you ever see this you mean so much to me (their tumblr is i-am-church-the-cat)

3- dwarvenchords this person is lovely. amazing. majestic. all the good adjectives. their writing is so good and they make me sob and laugh and feel all lovey dovey all at once. im literally honoured to call them my moot im not even kidding the day they followed me back i literally screamed and started fangirling SO BAD it was crazy (their tumblr is dwarvenchords)

4- killerandhealerqueen another moot! (what can i say i love glazing my friends) but this author. so many fics. all incredible. shes literally so cool and i found out abt her bc of her f1 fics and now im out here reading her killer and healer fics that i know nothing abt but THOROUGHLY enjoy. i love you sm and your writing you're amazing sass!!!! (her tumblr is killerandhealerqueen)

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO THESE PPL BC I LITERALLY LOVE THEM AND CANT NOT INCLUDE THEM

(quigzahhutt, Pigeons_Notes, Fabby, S4RGEANT)

3 Of My Favorite Tags

tbf this is smth i dont think of a lot like i know what i prefer in fics but ive never thought of specific tags before but STILL, confining me to 3 is CRAZY

1- hurt/comfort

2- alternate universe- (insert au)

3- possessive behaviour

2 Ships I'm Vibing With

1- loscar (oscar piastri/logan sargeant)(obviously)

2- norgeant (lando norris/logan sargeant)(aka my rarepair crackship sigh)

1 Fic I'm Reading Next

Emergency Care by  fourever_sk8r (my friend recommended it)

anyways thank you again for the tag this was so fun to do!!!!

tagging: @ezisregrettinglifedecisions @midnight-grandprix @quigzahhutt @dwarvenchords @fabeong and anyone else who wants to :)

[Adapted from booksta by @sageofgrace | IG: thebookishsage] CLICK HERE FOR THE TEMPLATE

Thank you for the tag @clawbehavior!

5 Fics I Always Rec

1. After Rio (Eric Delko/Ryan Wolfe) by Morgane (smilla840):

Eric and Horatio are back. Not all is well. [M]

2. To Your Heart’s Content (Max Verstappen/Charles Leclerc) by Richardmarie75: [E]

Max pinched the bridge of his nose as he went into the car. Before his chauffeur could close the door, however, Daniel leant in, having rushed from the bar’s entrance. "I forgot to tell you…" the Australian begun, his face serious and grave. Max gritted his teeth, silently nodding for the man to continue. He couldn’t stand much more. He wanted to scream at the entire world. To run home and hide and force some sense down his own throat. To put himself back together. "I left a- a gift at your house. For your birthday… I planned it long ago, before-" "Alright," Max cut him, short and harsh. or Charles, a high end prostitute, finds himself in the arms of a man who really, really, cares for him, despite the gun on his nightstand.

3. contact-drunk (Oscar Piastri/Logan Sargeant) by miamis: [E]

Oscar’s unsure of how he even ended up here, at a frat party, flirting with one of the brothers. But Logan is pretty handsome.

4. lilies are for liars (Loid Forger | Twilight/Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess) by Ahenix [T]:

A blood-covered psychiatrist stumbles into an assassin's flower shop, and a guide to floriography becomes the key to flirting and murder. The reality of it is actually simpler than it sounds.

5. 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer (Jiang Yuelou/Chen Yuzhi) by killerandhealerqueen [M]:

It was a dark and stormy night as a tall man with light skin, brown eyes, and dark brown hair dressed in a three-piece suit was riding his bicycle down a dirt road, a doctor’s kit in the bicycle’s side basket.

4 Auto-Read Authors

Phebes

XiaoTuzi

killerandhealerqueen

ahhhnorealnamesallowed

3 Of My Favorite Tags

hurt/comfort

fluff

emotional hurt/comfort

2 Ships I'm Vibing With

Jiang Yuelou/Chen Yuzhi

Oscar Piastri/Logan Sargeant

1 Fic I'm Reading Next

Haunting by youreahizzardwarry (newest chapter just updated)

Tagging: @breitweisergallery @sunriseverse @mishathewtf @theotherwhybietoldmeso @hyperbolicgrinch

@dramaloverrants @ahhhnorealnamesallowed @okifyouinsist and anyone else who wants to play

[icantalk710]

Helped to be working from home today given the day started with oversleeping and it was overall slow 🥱🥱

And also getting to be a bit lazy about it 😌☕😅