#just explaining how I understand his views on this
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I was intrigued by the idea of Dr. NerdLove and his "advice column for bros" approach, so I decided to check it out and folks....This is so good. Context: In my job, I offer one-on-one coaching to adolescents and young adults who have disabilities to help them meet their goals and transition into adult life/build skills for adulthood. Most of my students right now are young college-aged men (some of whom are in school and some of whom work.) One of the big things I do with them is helping to build and maintain social networks: MAKING FRIENDS!!!! Many of my students are lonely! For some of them, the social networks very much include wanting a partner. They ask me for advice about (usually heterosexual) romantic relationships. As a queer woman who's not much older than them (which is to say, not much relationship experience) I often struggle to know how to answer their questions. I just don't know what it looks like from their point of view. So, I thought something like this might be helpful to point them to. I'm not in the demographic the column is reaching to, but I did grow up in several friend groups where I was one of the only girls, and I had friends who got onto the early stages of that Gamergate/alpha male/incel pipeline. I'm an amateur anthropologist by degree, which means I learned a lot of stuff about how cultures and societies work, how to interview people about complex social problems, and how to make things more equitable for communities that need it. I read and see the same news as the rest of you. I work as a camp counselor for middle and high schoolers in the summers. All of which leads me to reaffirm for you: Our boys are not okay. A scary high number of them are getting exposed to online communities that are misinformed at best and predatory at worst, and they lack the experience to know how to counteract that. The election results are going to be like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Enter Dr. NerdLove. Harris O'Malley tells young men things they need to know and start to internalize, and he does it in a way that is relatable to them, compassionate, and humorous. One of my favorite articles is "What Men Really Need," In it, he talks about the social isolation many men face, how they struggle to get support and connection from their male friends in emotionally fulfilling ways, and how that's devastating for everyone. He also tells them how to be a better friend and change the dynamic.
In other articles, he explains the importance of building confidence, self-care, how to overcome feeling awkward, that looks aren't everything. (again, all in terms a boy who's been lurking around on certain Reddits would understand.) He makes a point to explain what some of the risks of dating and relationships are for women (and how history informs that.)
And yes. He's saying the quiet part out loud (linked text is a news source.)
This is going to help me be better equipped to help my students with something really important to them. I think it's also going to be a protective, positive force for a lot of boys who need it.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
#i'd thank him for this if I could#articles#dove rants about life stuff on a post#combatting misinformation#feminism#resources#useful links#ANTH stuff: with the fire on high
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[tfp] optimus prime x human!reader
summary: you had to go on a business trip. optimus doesn't take it too well
cw: obsessed!optimus, hardcore pinning, angst, i wanted to practice writing dialogues and it shows lmao
word count: 1800
an: i want you guys to know that i am reading EVERY reblog and comment from you swirling my hair and kicking my legs like a schoolgirl
you are so real for that anon
When you, out of your own free will, expressed the desire to join him on patrol, Optimus was overjoyed. You rarely got the chance to be together, just the two of you, always consumed by work or saving the world. And although Optimus wouldnāt dare ask you outright to accompany him on patrols (because the last thing he wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable), he deeply longed to spend more time with you alone. He knew he was feeding only his own illusions, fueling the machinery of madness, but by this point, he couldnāt stop. Not when you sat comfortably on his seat, gazing at the views outside the window, visibly content with your outing together.
He wanted so badly for this to be your everyday reality. Maybe then he could finally find some relief from his fixation, maybe you would even save him.
"Hey," you started, and his entire attention focused on you. "Actually, Iāve been meaning to tell you this for a while."
Oh.
Did your feelings match his? Did you feel affection for him as well? Had you noticed his suffering? Or maybe you wanted to reject him, once and for all, to make him understand that his passion was an illusion, that no matter how much he wanted it, the two of you could never be together ā too incompatible, too different. That he had developed this coping mechanism, exhausted by the war.
But before Optimus could spiral further, you crushed his hopes.
"The company I work for is sending me on a business trip," you sighed, clearly dissatisfied with the news. "Itās supposed to take two weeks, but you never really know with these trips, especially since theyāre sending me across the continent."
"I understand," he replied, his tone not betraying the turmoil within. "What does this business trip involve?"
"Oh, shoot, sorry! I should have explained that right away," you laughed casually as if you hadnāt just delivered news that shattered his spark. "Business trip is assigned by an employer for training sessions, conferences, exhibitions, and other boring stuff. Kind of like a mission, but without explosions, action, or danger."
It was good to hear that youād be safe, though you would truly be safest only at the base, under his watchful optics.
Pessimistic, ugly thoughts churned in his processor. Of all the things he expected to hear from you, this wasnāt one of them. Suddenly, he feared being alone, feared his own dreams. Because he knew you wouldnāt be there to comfort him after a nightmare, and nothing else could bring him peace.
"I am sorry to hear we will not see each other for two weeks," he said, "but I am confident you will do exceptionally well on this assignment. You are dependable, unyielding. You can handle anything."
"Oh, thank you," you answered, a bit flustered. You hadnāt expected a compliment. "It just makes me sad to leave Jasper. I donāt say it often enough, but I have a wonderful time with all of you. With you."
"Likewise, [Name]. When are you leaving?"
"The day after tomorrow. Tomorrow after work, Iāll say goodbye to everyone else."
So soon. Too soon. Heād hoped you wouldnāt leave until next week, to at least give him time to mentally prepare for the separation, but you denied him that luxury. Not that any amount of time would have prepared him for this.
Slowly, subtly enough that you wouldnāt notice the change, he reduced his speed, prolonging your shared drive.
"Iām not sure Iāll have time to write," you warned. "Unfortunately, theyāve given me a really tight schedule. But! If I can, Iāll write to the kids. Oh, and expect some souvenirs ā Iāll bring something back for you all."
"You do not need to spend your valuable time searching for trinkets. But if you insist, I will cherish anything you bring me."
"Aw, donāt worryāitāll be no trouble." You waved your hand dismissively. "You do so much for me, for the kids, for the whole Earth without asking for anything in return. You deserve something nice."
"I do not protect your planet for glory or offerings."
"I know, I know. Thatās very noble. And amazing. So many years, sticking firmly to your values."
He eagerly soaked up your praise, allowing himself, if only for a brief moment, to forget the world around him, to forget his duties, unfulfilled promises, fallen brothers and sisters. Heād never describe himself as 'amazing', nor did he believe the praise his own kind gave him about his greatness. But for you, he could believe it. If only for a moment, a few seconds, so that youād leave on your mission thinking warmly of your time together and of him.
"Thank you, [Name]. Please know that I value your words tremendously."
"Oh," you blushed, "thatās nice to hear."
Embarrassed, you quickly changed the subject, unaware that Optimus was watching you closely, curious about your reaction. For now, he pushed thoughts of your departure to the back of his processor, wanting to fully enjoy your presence. You recommended songs from the country genre, one of his favorite discoveries on Earth, which he promised to listen to later. He knew well that this would lead to more daydreaming, imagining a future that would never be. Because no matter how hard he tried, his tomorrow would not be entwined with yours. His desires would forever remain mere fantasies born out of desperation, longing, and sorrow.
A week had passed since you left. In the lives of the Autobots, not much had changed because of your absence; they went on with their chaotic schedule. The kids, however, missed you. No more evenings spent helping them with their homework, working on your reports, playing games, or simply chatting. The worst part was that no one really knew what was going on with you. You rarely messaged, didnāt have time to talk, and when you did, it was just to say, "Iām alive, itās boring, Iāll message you on Thursday." Life continued, despite how much Miko wished she could play games with you instead of doing her homework.
Everyone managed to adapt to your absence.
With one exception.
At first glance, it seemed like Optimus, the bot with whom you shared the closest bond, hadnāt been affected by such a drastic change. Nothing in his behavior indicated any longing. He didnāt express his opinion on the matter, didnāt ask, didnāt demand. As always, he buried his feelings deep within, playing the role of a diligent leader, hiding from everyone the nightmares running through his processor, now even more intense because of your absence.
He was withering, quietly and alone.
Until now, he had been content simply watching you. He had established a routine, unhealthy as it was, that kept him going. He knew that most of the time when he returned from patrol or a mission, you would be at the base. Even if you came every other or every third day, Optimus knew that eventually, you would show up. It gave him a sense of stability amidst the chaos surrounding him. But now? Maybe two weeks wasnāt a big challenge for you, but he was done after one.
Now, he wanted to be more than a passive observer. He craved physical contact, to hold you close, to feel your heartbeat against his metal. He wanted to know you were alive, to feel your pulse under his digit, to listen to its rhythm, to understand how your chest moved against his metal. He wanted to feel, taste, touch, enter.
He kept glancing at the spot on the couch where you usually sat with your laptop on your lap or spent time with the kids as if hoping that if he looked just one more time, you would materialize there. That everything would return to normal, that he wouldnāt suffer so much, that you would give him the daily dose of antidote he needed to function without plunging deeper into despair. But no matter how many times he looked, you werenāt there, and wouldnāt be for another week.
At some point, however, someone noticed their leaderās miserable mood.
"I canāt quite figure out what kind of bond you have with that woman," Ratchet said, pausing his work to look at Optimus. Before his friend could answer, he continued, "But sheāll be back soon. And whatever sheās doing, sheāll do it well. Sheās tough."
"Thank you, old friend. I have no doubt in her abilities. But I would feel better if she were stationed closer to the base in case of a Decepticon attack."
"Mm-hmm," the medic scoffed. "Sure, thatās all itās about."
Optimus had no response to that. He wasnāt surprised that Ratchet noticed his infatuation, but he would prefer that his friend not delve into the details of their relationship. At least, not yet. Not while Optimus himself was a wreck.
"Hey, hey! [Name] messaged!" Miko yelled.
The Autobot leader immediately approached the platform, finally abandoning his conversation with Ratchet, aware that it would only spark more suspicions. But he didnāt care anymore, not in such an important moment.
He stood directly behind Miko, with Bumblebee and Bulkhead beside him, equally curious to know what you had been up to over the past week.
"She sent photos, too! Look!"
Miko turned to show the messages to the others but paused when she noticed Optimusās helm close to her.
āWhoa,ā she whispered, surprised that out of all the bots, he was the one standing the closest. She swallowed, but her confidence quickly returned.
Holding her phone firmly, she displayed a close-up selfie of you. You were smiling, though the bags under your eyes betrayed that you were sleep-deprived, probably exhausted.
Optimus felt the accumulated stress, pain, and longing of the past week slowly dissipate. Everything was fine with you. You were alive, pushing forward with a smile on your face, happy to simply exist. Admiring your photo didnāt compare to seeing you in person, but it let him vent a little easier, granting him a brief respite from worry, gnawing at him from within. It was enough. For now. For a moment.
āShe sends her regards to everyone,ā Miko went on, āOh, and she also asked Ratchet to take a break and mentioned she already bought a gift for Optimus and canāt wait to come back. Hey, I want a present, too!ā
Optimus couldn't be certain if another week apart wouldnāt inflict even more damage on his processor and spark, or if longing would eventually consume him entirely. But he knew he was already lost, that you held sway over every aspect of his life. He was wrapped around your finger, tethered by a leash you didnāt even realize existed. And he didnāt mind one bit.
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i'm gonna sound SO stupid but I need to know what the HELL that snuggle ending was about. I feel like I'm just holding onto a thread of understanding. Like, I feel like I'm able to comprehend what happened but that's just unconsciously. If someone asked for me to explain it then I cannot. SO WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!
under the cut you're getting the short answer and then a longer one with some lines straight from the script (both contain spoilers)
with the base of the wing made of wood surrounded by intestine, his body couldn't reject what was foreign. it forcibly tried to assimilate the wing and that's why he ended up rotting (dying)
bones, organs can be assimilated by his body while wood can't
but why didn't this happen with the little branch + intestine test then?
because it wasn't as big and heavy, his body wouldn't react so fast, so badly and because the organ didn't fully trap the branch in
(see when he sews the intestine around the actual branch, he makes sure it's properly sewn/covered)
now ill be bringing up a couple lines
starting with the ones right before the branching
first sentence there, she was on the right track! but right after, her thoughts shift because of what eric taught her (not physically, he did not break her bones), and because of how she views bones as weak. if weak and flawed humans have them, they can't be that strong now can they?
she's not objective and she doesn't test any more than that. after the eric line she simply lets him choose because she herself doesn't feel like she can/should
there you learn that nothing is visibly wrong, yet clearly something must be.
this goes back to the fact that the foreign is completely trapped between the intestine and his body (see silly drawings). nothing is showing there because the rotting is still happening inside for now, it hasn't spread enough to be visible on his skin
but how do you actually know that he's rotting inside? well!
opening him up leads you to the answer!
that "rotten cage of his" comes from eric thinking 'starling isn't that much better, he has bad intentions, he won't let you free' but it also hints at a) rot being the cause of starling's current state and b) his ribcage weakening, decaying
it's confirmed right when she's able to break his bones to fit in!
(slightly unrelated but i am a bit obsessed with this idea of breaking a cage to willingly trap yourself/be a part of something)
as for his death itself, it's confirmed by the lines that follow and of course eric had to blame her for it ("How suffocating.") right after she put her cheek on one of his lungs...
i could go on for longer but ill stop there before this gets too out of hand
hope that answered the question and if it didn't, feel free to tell me!
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remember this post i made about ace and epel (and eventually the other freshmen) pranking their upperclassmen?
yeah, so, hereās an idea for a significantly less funny prequel:
the first-years actually met their housewardens as kids, where they got very attached to one another, but absolutely none of them remember this.Ā
iāve got a drabble written for riddle, ace, and deuce, but for the others, iām completely lost, lol.
^
(warning: mentions of child abuse)
^
4-year-old ace trappola, a pint-sized brat who loses a ball in dr roseheartsās backyard. since dr rosehearts has an extremely sour reputation around town for being impossible to be polite with, ace decides itās not worth the patience itāll take to knock on her door. so instead, he climbs her fence to retrieve it.
thatās when he notices the boy sitting by the windowsill, with a thousand books stacked all around him, looking very intrigued at the book in his hands. ace has never seen someone so engrossed with a book that doesnāt even have a picture on the cover, and having absolutely no filter, even at that age, he simply walks up to him and asks what heās doing.
at first, riddle tries to shoo him away, knowing how his mother will react when she finds out thereās a random kid stepping on her perfectly-cut grass. eventually, though, aceās childish stubbornness wins out, and riddle tells him about the history book heās reading.
[ace is alice and riddle is aliceās sister in this scenario in case you donāt get the reference, they make me insane, okayā]
everyday, ace comes back to the windowsill at the same time (at riddleās request, because he only has so much independent study time) just to listen to him. everyday, he says that itās stupid, boring, and he canāt believe riddle actually reads book without pictures. everyday, he comes back to sit under riddleās windowsill and listen to him go on about food chemistry.
but then dr rosehearts finds out.
ace doesnāt really know what happens after she showed up to their doorstep, looking down on him like he was a bug underneath her heeled feet, but next thing he knows, his dadās telling him and brother that theyāre moving to a different town. he tells ace that their house just isnāt pretty enough, but ace is youngā not stupid.
(in the future, whenever ace scores high on a test, and riddle will smile and tell him heās proud of him. every single time, it leaves a bad taste in his mouth for reasons ace canāt explain.)
^
5-year-old deuce spade only knows ace as āthe kid who moved outā, but through some wicked twist of fate, heās the next person to lose something in dr roseheartās backyard.
deuceās mom actually used to work for dr rosehearts as her secretary, but deuce doesnāt really like her, because she used to make his mom work long hours with little pay in return. his mom lived in dr roseheartsās medical practice more than she actually lived in the crappy apartment they could barely afford. he was so glad when she quit.
but unfortunately, dr roseheartsās house is right next to the park, and losing balls in her garden is unfortunately very common for most kids in the neighborhood. and since deuce really doesnāt want to talk to her, he jumps over her fence instead.
this time, riddleās the one who notices him.
riddleās missing ace a lot (he never found out why he stopped coming around), so to fill the hole in his heart, he invited deuce over. sheepishly, deuce walks over and lets riddle tell him about the book on agricultural trade heās been reading. deuce doesnāt quite get it as fast as ace did, but unlike ace, heās patient and hard-working and oh-so earnest in his attempts to understand.
of course, dr rosehearts isnāt going to help this relationship in the slightest. a few weeks later, she waits for deuce right outside the fence, before dragging him off once heās out of riddleās view. she mocks his attempts at trying to learn something thatās clearly above his mental capacity, for trying to be someone above his station, for knowing the rules and being too stupid to stick to them.
(āWhat sort of pitiful education have you received, that you cannot follow such simple rules?ā)
when she delivers deuce back to his house, his mother says nothing. when she tells him theyāre moving to a bigger house on the complete other side of the queendom, deuce doesnāt argue.
(deuce couldnāt tell you why doing so bad in school frustrated him to the point of becoming a delinquent. he really couldn't.)
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst first years#technically#ace trappola#deuce spade#riddle rosehearts#mrs rosehearts
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Wine is waaaay to worse than i imaginedššš. I will blame all the fic that i read about him and make like he was a nice guy. The fact that i will immediatly shoot the other au without question if he meet them is insane. And the way he always want more power and he will always try to manipulate the king . Also poor coffeeš.
Anon, Iām using your ask to ramble about Wine. And itās too longā¦. So i think i will put the rest under the cut. After the pic.
I havenāt read much of fics that have Wine in it. But with so little information about him, the way it scattered around and languages barrier. I understand that ppl may have different view of him, also is the setting of the fic. If itās on the surface, i guess he could be better???
But thereās a thing about FSG(Fellswap-Gold) being set in communist theme , Wine being the head of the royal guard, AKA he the head government. Idk about you guys, but for me. Any head government of a dictatorship system could never be a nice guy. NEVER. ITāS UNACCEPTABLE.
Though, you guys can have fun, just donāt forget it exists in real world. And even thought itās not real. Propaganda exists, so is the media effects.
I summarized some of the timeline in the second pic (The art is based from the creator)
I hate Wine so much, but here i am defending him(?) nope just explaining my insight. (i still havenāt read the setting with proper translation , so this is my headcanon from what i understand)
Wine will immediately shoot other AU.
Itās both Gaster and the system that made him that way. Heās born to be the best solider. He trained hard, deem to be love by Gaster but Gaster only see him and Coffee as tools. After Wine feelings toward Coffee became āhis only familyā Wine wants to protect Coffee. Wine changed to rely on Coffee being relied to him. Wine betrayed Gaster cuz Gaster want to get rid of Coffee.
Wine is a conservative, because that what the system always is.
So Wine will shoot other AU immediately because for the system. AU is see as threat. The AU would bring new possibilities and thatās against the conservative view that is to continue the old/current system.
(The dictatorship and conservative control the knowledge of their citizens. Keep their knowledge low so it makes them easier to control. Risks of having the AU be seen by citizens is not good. Citizens canāt see new things, canāt have more knowledge of other AU, canāt know that world with freedom exist. So the AU is see as threat)
But of course, Wine is not really a full conservative as we seen in some settings about him, like Wine doesnāt discriminate toward Undyne&Alphys, Wine support Grillby and Muffet interracial wedding. But the system, the time(their au set in old period), and social. Also is the way he grow up, the way he need to be āthe bestā. It rooted too deep into his mind. And it show with what he said toward Coffee.
Yes Wine always seek power.
Because heās a coward. Wine felt loved when Coffee relied on him as a child. But when they grow up, Wine still think that way to the point of unhealthy. Because he feared of being alone and lost his only family. And because of the system in underground is like that, he needs power to stay safe. To stay alive and hope that the thing he fears the most never come true. So it lead to seeking powers.
Wine for me, heās a coward, he fears and the only way he knows how to ease those fears is to have more power.
Kinda words these badly, cycling nonstop. But itās really just the way it is. Cycle. The system can't be changed. It needs to be perished.
Yesā¦. Poor Coffeeā¦he also has a problemā¦ but thatās for another time. Another postā¦ the bairnrot hitting me badā¦
These information are from @/fsg-settings go check it or you can see my post and a link to my doc i collected all the information in one doc and used google translated on them. So you can just read there. Or maybe opening the web would be easier?
#fellswap gold#fellswap gold sans#undertale au#im talking about game and fictional story#dont put me in jail#ask š¶#my art š¶
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Levi never Glorified Violence and Never needed to be Taught a Lesson that Violence is Wrong:
Nothing makes me want to rip my hair out more than when I see clowns saying Levi was "blinded by revenge" over wanting to kill Zeke, that he was "too violent", and that's why he got blown up by the thunderspear.
It's such a deeply, fundamentally WRONG understanding of why Levi wanted to kill Zeke, and also, of why he ended up getting blown up. I've already spoken about the strategically sound reasoning behind Levi's actions, which you can read here, if you're interested: https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/746918499422781440?source=share But to summarize, Levi hooking Zeke to the thunderspear made perfect, logical sense within the context of Zeke's own actions and behavior up to that point. Zeke was someone who until then had engaged in tactics of deception and double-crosses, who had only killed others while at a safe distance and within the cocoon of his Titan form. Decidedly the actions and behavior of a coward. Levi had no, good cause to suspect Zeke would be willing to blow himself up to also take Levi out, and so his reasoning that the thunderspear would act as insurance against Zeke escaping while Levi was preoccupied with driving the cart back to the capital was a reasonable and logical conclusion for him to make. It wasn't a decision blinded by rage or an action taken in hast. Just like it was reasonable for Zeke to assume Levi would rather die than cut down his own comrades, because he knew of Levi's compassion. Both of them underestimated each other, and both of them paid for making assumptions about the other.
But further to the point, this whole idea that Levi was being "punished" for his violence is the stupidest shit I've ever seen. Because it basically posits that Levi glorified violence, and so needed to be "taught a lesson" that violence was wrong, when he's the one character in the story who NEVER did that. He never reveled in violence, he never tried to frame it as something good or desirable, or even tried to justify it. He always spoke about and treated violence for what it was, a means to an end and nothing more. He never tried to moralize it or excuse it. He was always completely objective about it.
Compare, for example, the matter of fact way Levi explains violence and killing to Armin and Jean, versus how Zeke frames his own actions of violence. Zeke calls his murder of people a "mercy". He frames it as a positive action which results in a positive, better outcome. He has a totally warped view of killing and violence because he tries to justify it and moralize it to himself and others. He tries to frame his violence as something which makes him a hero. Levi does no such thing. He tells Jean and Armin that he doesn't know if it's right or wrong to kill, only that if Armin hadn't killed that MP, they would all be dead, and that Armin can't go back to the person he was, because he's now taken human life. He isn't justifying it, or moralizing it, he isn't trying to spin it into something positive or good, or even into something bad or wrong. He's simply stating an objective truth and then telling the 104th that they need to make their own choice about what they believe is right and wrong in any, given situation.
Or compare the way Levi approaches torturing Sannes to how Hange does. Hange goes into that situation gung-ho at the idea of torturing Sannes, because she wants revenge on him for killing Pastor Nick. She thinks she'll enjoy torturing Sannes, and attempts to enjoy it by taking it to an extreme, only to realize she's getting no satisfaction at all from her cruelty. By comparison, Levi never does or even attempts to take pleasure in the act of torture. He approaches it as a means to an end, something he has to do in order to obtain the information they need to overthrow the current government. There's no justification in his mind, no excuse he tells himself to make himself feel better about it. He already knows it's horrible and ugly. He already understands perfectly the wretched reality of violence. Again, he's the ONLY character in the story who does, from start to finish. It's why Hange is so rattled and upset after torturing Sannes, because she thought it would be fun, only to learn it was anything but. Levi never thought it would be fun, he never expected it to be, never wanted it to be, and he never tried to convince himself that it was anything better than what it actually was. It's why we see his shocked expression when Hange engages in unnecessary cruelty by ripping one of Sannes' teeth out. He's always been the most objective character when it comes to violence. He's never labored under any belief that his violence made him a hero, and he never tried to glorify violence to anyone or told them they were heroes for killing.
It's also why Yelena says to him what she does, during the final arc, and the battle at the docks. Because she knows that he knows, better than anyone, the inherent violence of the human condition and the ugly reality of it. Yelena is trying to again push her fanatical belief in Zeke's antinatalist philosophy, by pointing out that people are always going to kill and be cruel to each other, and she makes the point to Levi specifically, because she knows Levi is the only one who'd already long ago understood and accepted that truth.
So this idea that Levi is this ultra-violent, revenge-obsessed lunatic that needs to be taught that "violence is bad" is fucking moronic, and I am SICK TO DEATH of seeing people perpetuate that bullshit take. I want to tell everyone who does to just shut the fuck up already, because they're actively damaging the perception people have of Levi's character every time they spew that garbage.
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Pt 9
Lucifer woke up to a slight jolt of the mattress, and jerked his head up, drool running down his cheek. Adam was starting to sit up in bed, and looked over at Lucifer apologetically.
"I have to work this morning, I gotta go to my place and get ready." Adam said, keeping his voice soft, judging by the light coming in the window, it was still fairly early. "Unless you have clothes that fit me, which I'm guessing you do not."
"You're eight feet tall, and I'm the size of a Dorito." Lucifer mumbled, making Adam laugh. He leaned in and kissed him, before getting out of bed, and Lucifer didn't mind the view one bit, even if it meant he was going to have to say goodbye to Adam for the rest of the day.
"Call me?" Lucifer asked, and Adam sent him a look.
"Duh," Adam said with some humor. "Let me know when you want to go to the observatory with Charlie, otherwise most my nights are open, except the days I teach shop class downtown."
Lucifer blinked at him. "Who are you? How many jobs do you have?"
"I'm Adam, bitch, and I have a single job... Just a handful of side hustles. I also teach guitar classes, but only in summer." Adam grinned down at him, before grabbing his clothes from the night before. "I used to have more, when I was avoiding going home."
"Ah, yes, I took a cheese making class once to avoid divorce stress, and I'm lactose intolerant." Lucifer sat up in bed, realizing that while he'd called in late for work today, he did still have to get up as well.
Adam snickered before pausing and looking at the door, before walking back over, getting on the bed, straddling Lucifer, and kissing his brains out, until they were practically leaking out of his head. "Okay," Adam said after a second, voice slightly hoarse. "See you later."
"Yeah," Lucifer breathed out, eyes fluttering. After Adam left, he flopped back down onto his bed, arms outstretched, a dumb smile on his face.
"Excuse me?" Lilith asked, voice slightly icy. It'd taken years for Lucifer to realize that when she said things like that, she wasn't actually asking for clarification or Lucifer to explain what he'd just said - she was more or less saying, 'what the fuck are you thinking?'
"I... What's wrong with that?" Lucifer asked nervously, eyes darting over to where Charlie was in the living room of his former home, kissing all her stuffed animals goodbye for the next few days. "You're dating, aren't you?"
"I'm not taking Charlie on dates with me! Not with some random strange man?" Lilith hissed, and on some level Lucifer understood her point, but Adam wasn't a stranger. Well, he did seemingly drop a new job on him every time they met, but not like that.
"Adam works with kids, he's met Charlie repeatedly already at the aquarium, and he's just trying to schedule dates so I don't have to miss out on seeing Charlie or him. That's not weird? Is it?" Lucifer asked, confusion setting in. He didn't like it when she talked like he was incapable of understanding things.
"Lucifer-" Lilith said, only to get cut off my Charlie running in with her bag, hugging Lucifer's leg.
"I'm ready!" She said cheerfully, laughing as Lucifer picked her up, hugging her tightly.
"Okay, let's go! We're going to have a great weekend, right?!"
"Yeah!" Charlie cheered, and Lilith made a face, but didn't say anything else besides one last,
"Be careful."
"He's not dangerous," Lucifer said softly, and Lilith shook her head.
"You're falling too fast, Lucifer. More than just you will be hurt if this doesn't work out, if you involve Charlie. What happens if you break up, will you still go to the aquarium? The zoo?"
Lucifer was quiet, he didn't know. He wouldn't avoid it intentionally, but it would hurt to see Adam again if they did. She was right, he did fall hard and fast for people, but he felt like maybe Adam did too.
"Hey Charlie, you want to go see the stars tonight?" Lucifer asked, turning away from Lilith. He was going to choose to hope for the best.
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Hey! You probably have already been asked this question- and I know youāll probably never see this- but Iāve been thinking about this and curious about this lately, uh-
What are all the things killer went through during his time under the control of his frisk? Both cannon and head-cannon? I have a few head-cannons myself but am really curious what others think and what the cannon is!
Itās okay if not answered, am just a curious soul wondering about stuff-
Well, first, it wasnāt his Frisk he was under the control ofāFrisk is actually hardly mentioned in Something New outside of the first few panels of the first page of the comics, and Killer saying he misses stabbing Friskās face when asked if he missed Frisk.
It was Chara, and the Playerābasically one and the same in Something New, even if Chara the dead child potentially wants something more. All the Player ever really wants from Killerās existence is something new, after all. Charaās the one who wanted a partner in crime.
As for what happened between them, the fun part isāwe donāt actually canonically know. We can make guesses based on the beginning, when Killer turned on them, and some things based on after they endedāhow Killer still sees them and hears them and listens to them, how he feels watched by them constantly, as if theyāre living inside him.
This tells me just how codependent their relationship wasāand how scared and powerless Killer feels beneath them, even as he feels he needs them and that he still has to listen to them, even if he doesnāt want toāeven as he struggles to realize that he doesnāt want to, because he wants what They want.
Even if he has a new āmasterā now in the form of Nightmare. It tells me that Charaās wants and priorities and needs have always taken priority over anything and anyone elseāespecially Killer himself.
Itās like..how a baby doesnāt realize they are separate from their mother for the first few months of their life. Except Killer never truly realized that he is separate from them. Or that they are separate from him. He has internalized them, and in many ways, has become them. Something he struggles to make sense of.
Killer doesnāt know who he is or what he is, what he wantsāif he wants anything at all. He doesnāt know what is or isnāt realāwhy he feels and behaves about certain things. Why everything both does and doesnāt feel familiar, and yet still he is always just separate.
Chara provided directions. They represent identity and direction and stability, certainty and structure. They scare him and hurt him and confuse him, and he hates them and fears them in equal measure, but no one has understood him like them. Not even himself.
Iām sure he also didnāt use to understand why he was ever scared of or disobedient of Chara beforeāif something ever triggered him into Stage 1, such as his own hesitance to kill Papyrus. Stage 2 may not have held the same emotional ties to Chara that Stage 1 does or hold the same anger and hate that Stage 3 does or the fear and reverence that Stage 4 does; but it wasnāt like he knew anything else besides them with certainty.
He knew he needed them. He didnāt know fully why, he just did. He could try to explain why but itād be through the lens of what Chara taught him: control or be controlled, the most Determined decide fate, etc.
He holds on these contradictory views and experiences with Chara, likely dissociated and compartmented into his four Stages, but all just as true as eachother.
They made him. He exists because of the Player, sure, but Chara basically raised him. The Player speaks through them, they act on our behalf. There may even be no difference between Chara and God in his mind in Stage 4.
And try as he might, he canāt pry their pieces out of him.
All of it suggests heavy levels of manipulation, conditioning, gaslighting, dependency, and abuse to me. The specifics arenāt said or shown or even confirmed, but the fact that out of all his shadowy hallucinations of everyone heās killedāliving in his headāCharaās the only one whoās more than a shadow and has sway over his choices seems to say something about their relationship.
Anyway, a lot of things couldāve likely happened when he was with Chara. Who knows how long they were togetherāKiller likely doesnāt know. How many timelines they went through together.
I do like to think that there was an entire timeline where Killer and Chara overthrew Asgore and ruled the Underground themselves at some point, because Princess Killer and Killer being conditioned through royal etiquette is an idea I love. I also think he was conditioned through childhood nursery rhymes, games, gestures, and sayings that are loaded with specific meanings that only Chara and Killer themselves know. Their own little language.
I think Chara gave Killer Asrielās golden locket, to basically make Killer into the better āAsriel.ā I do believe he was often threatened and kept in line through the use of the Resetāsomething Killer, back when he was Sans, hated and dreaded more anything.
(And by that I mean, he was either threatened with a Reset if he didnāt do something, or forced to repeat something over and over through the use of the Reset until he either did it perfectly or without thinking or hesitation. Until any attempts to resist results in an instinctive overriding of his own will via the triggering of Stage 4.)
That original sentiment was likely twisted over time, but still present in some shape or formāsuch as the need for something new, and to not constantly do the same thing over and over again, even as paradoxically, Killer has a tendency to do the same things over and over again thanks to the role of the Resets in his conditioning.
Iāve made a post before about like, Chara and Killer making the killing into something like hunting games, canāt find it. But I like to think there was a punishment-reward system that Killer internalized as well, especially in Stage 4.
Iāve mentioned before how i hc that Killer and Chara had a pinky swear system that could never be broken under threat of grievous harm to whichever party breaks the promiseāand as a result any promises made via pinky swears with Killer from absolutely anyone is basically the same as signing away your right to live if you ever break it.
Iāve mentioned how I think the one death Killer has never experienced before is buttercup poisoning. But basically, anything you think could happen has possibly happened, except ya know..weird stuff.
Reality is a game, and the Underground is their sandbox.
#howlsasks#anon tag#canon k1ll_sans#kinda#buttercup duo#cw conditioning#utmv#sans au#sans aus#killer sans stages#killer sans#killer!sans#undertale au#killertale#undertale something new#kc chara#something new chara#bad sanses#bad sans gang#nightmares gang#nightmareās gang#killertale sans#something new#utmv headcanons#nightmare sans#nightmare!sans#something new player#something new sans#undertalesomethingnew#saying weird stuff bc Iāve already seen weird stuff w/ chara & killer from the fandom ā¹ļø. donāt do that.
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I'm basically the opposite of a JayVik shipper, but to me the scene felt too short not because it should have been more emotional but because I feel like an audience I don't know what Viktor's deal is and why he's leaving.
I don't think that it's a big deal that Viktor is unemotional because I assume that that is the influence of the void/hextech thing that is changing him from the inside.
I kind of don't like how season 2 so far makes pretty much no effort at all to be self contained. It just assumed that everybody remembers everything from season 1 rather than laying out the characters emotions more. Becuse I feel like generally Viktor's story was pretty muted and small in season 1 in the later acts.
He was vaguely against hextech, he was upset about Skye. Okay, how does this relate to what he's feeling now. I'm trying to picture some things that would have "solved" the scene to me. Not in "I wanted an emotional shippy scene", but in "I wanted to understand why Viktor is doing the things he's doing".
If we had a scene of encased Viktor from his POV that makes it clear that he hears and understands everything that is going on around him and he's not happy with somethign Mel or Jayce are saying.
Or maybe the Void was whispering to him. Or if the Void was giving him visions of Skye and void!Skye is telling him what to do.
I think if we boil it down, the big shift of Viktor leaving is not really "zomg, Viktor is breaking up with Jayce", but it's more that when Jayce shows Viktor the notes he made, he probably expected Viktor to go back to studying them.
And studying stuff was a bit personality trait of Viktor's in season 1, so him turning his back on "this should be investigated" is a big shift.
That shift could have been explained by a more emotional reaction. If Viktor had blown up at him and gone basically "you fool, you keep trying to do the thing that brought us into this mess".
I think that's the big shift. That
1.) Viktor is turning his back on science/Piltover 2.) Viktor doesn't think Jayce can be persuaded
Now that isn't really that out of the ordinary. Viktor did his hextech experiments without letting Jayce into it and he also kept the whole Skye thing from him.
So, is there a reason to why Viktor is going to the Undercity?
Ie: I don't trust Piltover anymore, I tried to fix things here and everything to worse anyway, it's not worth it anymore.
or: More science is wrong, it made everything worse, we should be doing faith now.
or: I got lost in sciencing for Piltover and instead I should be with the people who suffer the most. My perspective was wrong.
But IF there is reason to it Viktor doing what he does, the assumption would be that he would express this in his conversation with Jayce more clearly. Either to try to convince Jayce or just to let the audience know.
If his reason is important enough for him to leave, then it should be important enough to state it in an argument. If Jayce matters to him then he should have made an effort to argue his point to Jayce and see if he can be persuaded.
But that's not what happened. Viktor just says their paths diverged. So from an audience point of view, what is that supposed to mean.
Jayce first distanced himself from Viktor by seeking fame and politics. A story where Viktor things that Jayce has been moving further and further away particularly with their disagreements over weaponizing hextech he's at a point where he can't be reasoned with.
But didn't Viktor also distance himself by his secret hextech research? And we know he feels guilt over Skye. In a situation where two people are in the wrong, that would lead me to expect a more emotional argument. (a more muted argument makes more sense in a world where Viktor never did anything wrong and it was just "you betrayed me thrice [abandoned the lab for fame, moved towards weaponizing hextech, continued making hextech against my wishes, put me in the hextech to keep me alive when I didn't want that], I'm done now, you are beyond reaching").
The other approach is that there is no good, logically arguable reason to why Viktor is acting like that. That he's having an impaired judgement, either because the Void/Hex is influencing him and directing him or supporessing his emotions, or because he's being depressed.
There's this theory that he's a paralllel to Jinx with the whole "I was supposed to die and now I'm aimless/kind of chaotic". The thing is that with Jinx we are more accustomed to associating her with mental problems. With Viktor this is new. If Viktor is acting highly unusual (unusual because the hextech is affecting his emotions or unusual because depression) then I would have expected Jayce as a friend to argue over that. Some "what's wrong with you, you aren't being yourself".
I admit, JayVik was low on the totem pole on stories that interested me in season 1 so it's possible I missed things.
As a viewer, I feel like I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get from this. What exactly Viktor's problem is and why walking around the undercity in a cloak if supposed to help with whatever his problem is.
Again, I can deal with "he's aimless, reeling, just like Jinx", but in that case I would have expected Jayce to bring that up in a "you are being weird and off".
In my longer reaction post I wrote that to me it feels like Jayce was kind of in all stories, so to me it didn't feel like he was that emotional over Viktor, because he sort of "did his job" in the Viktor storyline in that scene and then immediately moved to the next storyline with Heimer/Jayce.
Jayce feels like his mind is all over the place (again, having time to visit Caid and build her hextech weapons, squabbling with Heimer and Ekko). As a non shipper, to me it just felt like JayVik wasn't really that high on his priority list. To me it felt like him realizing stuff about The Arcane (including the mini reference of to his childhood) felt like his most important moment.
I guess that this could feed back into Viktor and Jayce if that makes Jayce go "oh, I was wrong when I said hextech wasn't that dangerous". But on the other hand, given the trajectory of the games I would expect Jayce to continue making dumb choices and/or keep being torn between different loyalties (ie still being pulled into Mel or Cait's stories).
Maybe Jayce's next step will be to think he can science his way out of the whole "The Arcane is pissed and/or poisoning everything" and that is the core of his folly?
Is my conclusion to be that Viktor realized that and that's why he went away. But if the conclusion is "hextech is bad and we were wrong to underestimate it", then how exactly is Viktor's "I'll become part hextech and infect other people with it" any better?
I guess the conclusion could be "once they were idealist and then both of them made terrible, boneheaded choices". But as a viewer I have trouble liking this story the summary of it is that they are both being dumb.
Now in theory we could say we have this in Cait and Vi as well. Cait sliding off into violence and superstition, Vi becoming self destructive in the fighting pits. But in that story the show actually takes it time and botheres to give scenes to try to explain the emotion beats of Cait's slide into doing bad/dumb/counterproductive shit.
I just don't see this same quality there with the choices Viktor makes leaving me at "why should I care if they do weird stuff". Very "We got "idealistic person slides into doing things that are a very bad idea" at home".
I didn't like this scene much because I felt it left me unclear about what Viktor's motivations are. And if the motivation was supposed to be "the hextech is influencing him", then I would have liked to see a "what's going on with you" from Jayce, not as a shippy thing, but purely as a signal to the audience thing that still makes sense for the relationships these characters have.
And don't get me started, yeah, these characters live in a world of magic, but Jayce still took it exceptionally well that his friend is now 90% hexcore. Like wouldn't "you aren't being yourself" be kind of the logical first step?
I guess maybe to everybody it's obvious that Viktor going Jesus sheppard is a terrible ominous idea, but I genuinely feel unclear what I'm supposed to get from it. Is "The Arcane" piloting Viktor because it has a plan to fix itself and so it's sending him to the undercity to take people over? Did it divorce Viktor from his emotions and it's causing him to make odd choices based on his old interests? I don't even mind that we don't have the answers yet, but shouldn't then the tone of those scenes be more ominous in a trying to guide us to ask these questions? I dunno, the vibe of the whole story feels off to me, putting it on the bottom pile of stuff I liked or cared about in Act 1.
I think there's still potential for irony or tragedy there (maybe Jayce comes to the conclusion The Arcane is bad just as Viktor comes to the conclusion no it's great and I should put it in everybody putting them again on different sides, or maybe Jayce will just stubbornly dig himself deeper trying to science his way out). Or Jayce will just keep being in different storylines and leave that storyline keep feeling undercooked to me.
im going to say something slightly mean which is that i think there is an imagined aspect of jayce and viktor's relationship that the audience is projecting onto them that actually is not supported by the text itself and that imagined facet is the reason people think their parting is rushed more than the issues with the actual show's pacing š
like i do think some of what jayce actually SAYS in that scene feels kind of clunky and unearned and sorta tropey, not because of who jayce is, but because it feels like they had to cut some interstitial tissue for the sake of time constraints, but even if they hadn't had to i cannot fathom that scene being extended more than like....a minute. like what kind of argument are they going to have that wasn't the one that actually transpired?
i think it's pointed that viktor is weirdly emotionally stunted and icy after he was such an impassioned person in s1 and he said everything there was to say anyway, just with a colder affect. i guess jayce could have said "hey viktor wait" like. one more time lol but in general if you take everything we have presented by the text on its face their immediate falling out could never have been that long a conversation because there isn't actually that much to argue about. jayce did what he thought was right and what is the normal human thing to do (broke his promise to save his friend that he loves and cares about) and viktor did not want him to do that. which is literally what they said to each other. very directly.
also it's like...supposed to be cold and sad. i don't think viktor is going to be the sole big bad of the show but i do think that the whole point of what we've seen so far in act i is that the arcane is inhuman and strange and kind of hard to understand and viktor has been partly absorbed into that and jayce is still very very human and full of all his hopes and ideals and therefore not able to grasp the arcane's true nature yet. a like. screaming lover's spat or whatever was not going to happen given the narrative positions that these two characters occupy. it doesn't even happen really between the two characters who are actually lovers ā cait and vi have an somewhat equivalently long (so pretty short) moment of disagreement before cait hits vi in the stomach and leaves. anything else would have felt like fanfictiony and cheap imo
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I always love reading your takes and insight on q!bbhs character, you put what I keep thinking and see into words and is SO WONDERFUL to see someone get it :'). But speaking of which what do you think of q!bbh whole thing with anarchy rn?
Thank u so much :D Iām glad u appreciate my incoherent ramblings about a block man XD
Minecraft politics - and politics in general for that matter - are whole can of worms I usually try not to touch too closely. There is too much opportunity for misunderstandings and pointless arguments that discussions usually just feel like an excuse to get mad. So take all this in good fun, Iām not saying if q!bad is right or wrong to think this way, itās not that serious lol
The thing we first need to understand is that - before the election - the islanders were essentially living in an anarchist commune. The federation existed but mostly left them alone and let them rule themselves, which they did. Everyone lived as they pleased and they all had an unspoken agreement: live and let live.
When someone became a problem, the islanders came together and dealt with it themselves. When Slime tried to kill all the eggs after Juanaflippaās death, bbh, Jaiden, and Roier were able to talk him down. They held a trial - federation sponsored- but the islanders were the ones calling the shots. When Quackity plotted to murder the eggs, the islanders came together again and stopped him. When they were threatened by the code, the islanders came together to defend the eggs.
What is the point of a governing body? To create order and resolve conflict. The islanders were already doing this without a governing body. They didnāt need it.
What do most governments actually do? They consolidate power and oppress. Even the most benign progressive government is going to leave someone in the gutter. By creating a box to put society into, it is the very nature of the box that some things are not going to fit or are going to be forgotten.
This is what bbh is afraid of. This is why he dislikes government. Why should anyone have the power to decide that a few chairs going missing is a bigger threat to the island than land mines that cause ten times as much destruction? The actual principle of who is right is irrelevant. Why should someone have this power to decide for others what is an is not okay. Why should someone else tell you how to live your life if you arenāt hurting anyone.
Badās been saying this since the day the elections were announced. They donāt need this. A President is going to create unnecessary restrictions and is the gate way to federation overreach. Some people have said bbh is a hypocrite for running for office but itād be even more hypocritical to do nothing. If you see a train barreling towards you and there is a lever within reach to change the tracks, would you not pull it? You could just step off the tracks but then everyone who is unaware of the danger behind you would still be struck.
I think q!bbhās anarchism is one of the most misunderstood things about his character - partially because I think the common perception of anarchy is intentionally misconstrued by the media but thatās not a conversation to be had while Iām talking about block men XD
Thanks for the ask and I hope I answered ur question :3
#qsmp#crimson speaks#letters from the void#politics are complicated#Iām not saying bbh is right or wrong here#just explaining how I understand his views on this#pls donāt discourse in my notes#lol#tw politics#just in case
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'thats not his role in the story!' hm i wonder what the point of it is then. hm i wonder what the dead pixel scene means. hm i wonder what wrong organ are trying to say with the context of 'awesome male friendship' and 'corporate hell where the only woman onboard is constantly under ridicule, abused or forcibly forgotten yet is the catalyst' if not this. hm i wonder how curly's physical agony being a direct parallel to anya's mental agony, stripped of voice, agency, just like her, and being forced to watch what happens while not doing jack shit, just like he used to, plays a part in this. i wonder what the moral of him being the final girl says about living with the consequences of your inaction, because of sentimentality, because of status, career and social. hm i wonder whatever the fuck this game was trying to say. hm i wonder what else is on this person's blog Oh Lord there's yaoi penice.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing spoilers#sa mention#dont go after this person but i hooooope they rethink. their view of the story.#but god im gonna squeeze lemons in my eyes soon#taking this game away from yall until you unlearn misogyny#ooooh curlys just sooo sweet poor thaaang oh my oh my youre looking sooo far into thissss haaahaaa#its all just a misunderstanding!!!! anya didnt speak clearly enough!!!! noooo its not on my beautiful blue eyed rascal hahaaa#ok look curlys an insane character i love analyzing him and i VERY MUCH dont want people to think im like villanizing the guy#the entire point is that otherwise pretty chill people can fuck up OF THEIR OWN FAULT AND BIAS and then learn. painfully. what not to do.#and by chill i also dont mean holy water pure ok. distinctions.#and id really hate people taking either side of the argument on curlys morality. esp considering his appearance (for both.)#just don't. fucking make baby ass black and white arguments#this game should be behind a childproof lock in the shape of a reading comprehension test abt crime and punishment#im super supportive of people trying to think outside the norm about art like mouthwashing and explaining their own musings#and talking with others and trying to understand how to argument their thoughts which is what the op of the post this was left on was doing#being genuinely curious and open#but brother i draw the line at so merrily denying the main fucking point of the character in the catalyst event#GOOD GOD make this game only accessible to 35+ yo's with no internet access#the contents of their blog were just the cherry on top#unblocking them in hopes they see this ig
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headcanon that as sophie ages, she gets more and more off-put by how she still looks twenty at some age past 40. the only wrinkles she has are smile lines and a barely-there crease between her eyebrows that never leaves. no gray hairs. it doesnāt feel like thereās any physical evidence of how much stress aged her too fast.
(maybe she dyes more grays into her hair to feel better about her reflection, the more time passes by. maybe, on bad days, she contours wrinkles into her skin with makeup. maybe the bad days get more frequent as she ages outside the human lifespan. maybe.)
#i feel like fitz and dex are the only friends of hers that really get it#since fitz understands more surrounding human cultures than most elves thanks to his firsthand experience in the search#and dex grew up with his momās romcoms#which would probably show some human perspectives on aging#and his mom explaining some things that didnāt quite make sense to Smol Dex#but iāve always imagined sophie turning up on fitzās doorstep in the middle of the night#with tears running down her face and saying she didnāt know who else to talk to about almost-immortality feeling so so so wrong as she#gets older. not necessarily just because he knows more about humanity than most of her group#but also because like. thereās some part of her that says āif he can help you through learning to be an elf at 12 maybe he can help you at#42 tooā. and theyāre cognates. and theyāve gotten old enough to set aside teenage grievances with one another#and i like the idea of them sitting on a couch together by lamplight and trying to navigate the cultural and personal differences#in how the two of them and humanity and the lost cities view mortality#and not really reaching a concrete conclusion. but rather. a conclusion that keeps the two of them sane until they reach triple digits.#and then they have the conversation again. and come up with a plan to stay sane in their triple digits. and the same thing pops up in their#thousands. idk man the whole thing screams trust down to the bone and thatās what they should have when the war is over#is there anything more Cognate than talking through wildly different fears surrounding the same thing that make both parties#super vulnerable??? down to how your minds work in the face - or lack of - death?#maybe so but i canāt think of them off top of my head#kotlc#sophie foster#kotlc headcanons#keeper of the lost cities
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oughh i wanted to do a cute laishuro take on the blu ray extras (what if laios had been eaten instead) but lets be honest. they absolutely would not have made it as far without laios
#they wouldve died. badly.#unfortunately ive lost the link saw it on twitter but i think laios gets knocked unconscious and imagines that it had been him that got ate#and not falin. and falin is the only one to advocate for them going back#but no one wants to go along with her presumably because they dont care for laios that much#(or at least this is laios' perception as this is just his imagination)#but also because she doesnt know as much about monsters and couldnt come up with a good argument for going back in#<- didnt know about prolonged digestion in red dragons and marcille assumed the interval was the same as in humans (1-3 days)#BUT...................... when everyone leaves falin turns back and goes in herself. and laios realises that shes always been that sort#of person and theres no point in ruminating over what could have been.#now. i want to believe that had they known falin would turn back without them. that at the very least shuro would have gone in with her.#theres no way he would have let her go on her own. and frankly i dont think he would have assembled his retainers#to go save laios rip...#marcille would have gone if she had known falin would turn back. and honestly i think she mightve known her well enough to guess this irl#anyways what i was GOING to say was maybe as they venture thru the dungeon shuro gets to learn more about laios thru falins view#maybe they get to know each other more and he opens up more about how he thinks of laios and like. falin is able to explain more about him#diffuse tension and give him a better understanding. like yeah hes still annoyed at him but he has a better view of how laios is#they get close and become better friends but maybe it also helps falin make up her mind and let him down gently............................#and maybe they go and save laios but the dragon thing still happens to him#and its again a 'you felt like that all along??' situation irt him wanting to be a monster but it turns out ok and they (laishuro)#open up to one another in the end.........................#but. again im gonna be real. they would not have made it that far LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO laios the goat for real
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Yknow, I think this passage really captures how Ouyang views Esen, especially in contrast with how Baoxiang views Esen. Ouyang geuinely believes the best of Esen, he genuinely belives that Esen is good and pure and kind and that it's himslef that is taining him into being otherwise. And while Ouyang is right in that he's technically responsible for Esenās current emotional state (he did very much kill Esenās dad and frame his brother for it, that is very much a thing he just did), for once it isn't his fault for the everything else going on with Esen?
I do think Esen is generally good-natured, and tries to be kind and generous to those he loves, but it's very clear that Ouyang has reduced him to JUST that in his head. He only sees Esenās best qualities as inherent to him, and all the bad ones are Ouyang's fault somehow. He blames himself for Esen not understanding him (because there's something wrong with him, and even when he's mad at Esen for not caring enough to notice certain things he justifies it in his head by making it about his own unmanliness or whatever and Esen is just to perfect for that), for any failure in battle (yeah you're the general but Esen also approved this hes your boss dude), and generally for any moment where Esen exhibits less than stellar behaviour/capacity/etc. When in reality, we have a lot of moments where Esen is just sort of a dick, many of which are pre-ouyang (courtesy of HWDtW wbx flashbacks, which, granted, are also biased but my point still stands). We see Esen's constant and usually unjustified frustration with wbx and sometimes Ouyang, we see him be dismissive of the things they tell him, in the pre-order reward its pretty much stated that he makes a habit of dumping Ouyang outside brothels for hours while he goes inside to get laid, in one of his first scenes we see how much he enjoys it when Ouyang spends the whole morning tormenting Altan (altho tbf he kinda deserved it, altan suuuccckkss), and in general Esen just kinda treats people like crap sometimes. He's snapish and short-tempered and stubborn and imperious, loves whining about stuff, and is a shitty brother and best friend. He's got a lot of good qualities too, like how he's one of the few people that treats Ouyang with respect and tries to treat him as an equal, how his first reaction when wbx is insulted is to come to his defense (even if wbx usually foils his attempts by immediately clapping back and storming off), how we see him recognize he gets frustrated witj wbx too easily and tries to hold his temper back, how he immediately self-sacrifices to save Ouyang from his dad, how even after thinking wbx killed their dad he does really want to forgive him.
My point is, Esen is trying, but he's a very flawed human being, and Ouyang just can't seem to grasp that. He looks at him with rose-colored glasses. And it's so interesting that amongst all the shitty things Ouyang has done (and this duology really just is Ouyang and WBX fuck up yuan dynasty china to truly Epic proportions), the one he feels worst about is the one that isn't actually his fault (sorta). He may have killed Chaghan and been the catalyst for Esen's emotional blow up, but he isn't responsible for Esen having the capacity to burn WBX's books. That was Esen's decision. He hasn't somehow manipulated Esen into an eviler, crueler version of himself by virtue of existing evil-y and eunuch-y and revengefully im his vicinity. Esen was always capable of this, even if we take out Ouyang's actual manipulations, and I think this whole I-tainted-hin mentality really encapsulates how fucked up their relationship and Ouyang's mental state are in general. After all, Ouyang doesn't feel bad about the murder, or the framing, and he feels guilt about causing Esen pain, but most of all, he feels absolutely terrible that he's shattered what he sees as Esenās purity, which in reality is mostly just the pedestal he himslef put him on. Man, what a fucked up little guy.
#she who became the sun#man i need to stop being like heyy ill just post smt quick just a few sentences and then I'll sleep#it always ends up as a shitty 3am essay#also i need to re-emphazise how much he did not feel bad about the murder portion of this.#and how he felt even less bad about having wbx take the blame.#in his mind they deserved it! chaghan for killing his fam and also being a dick#and wbx for being annoying and understanding him too much.#which btw is another great example of how ouyang views himself bc somebody else being like him at all is an execulate offense in his mind.#he wants both wbx and zhu dead the moment he realizes they're like him in some manner bc that's what he would want for himself.#even the crime of understanding him is sacrilege and means the person is irredeemably tainted in some manner.#which is why paradoxically he can be angry at esen for not understanding him but also have it be his fault.#bc Esen cannot understand him bc if he did then that would mean Esen is also tainted#and as we have established Esen is NOT tainted. he is immaculate. practically the virgin mary (but with more wives)#and if he IS tainted its Ouyang's fault too bc clearly he did not come that way these are ouyang-cooties#so its a GOOD thing esen can't understand him actually you guys#man. what a guy. someone should put him in a cetrifuge and distill some extra virgin self hate oil or whatevef#(only in main canon tho in the preorder reward it'd be eau de self hate or something i suppose)#also if u wanna laugh imagine a crossfaded ouyang explaining this train of thought to an equally xfaded (and very confused/worried) xu da#general ouyang#esen temur
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How to subtly imply to parents that I am in a relationship with puter. How to make them understand puter is important to me in general and I don't want to risk anything happening to her. pls
#sorry this is about the bby situ aha ^^;#I asked my father to help because they were able too before and god. Like I know they know what they're doing for the most part but like.#They just don't give a shit about bby anymore. They view them like an experiment computer now.#I had to plead with them to not force her off mid boot because it didn't pick up the usb he plugged in#He told me to never ask for his help again. like man. You've the one who's told my whole life to never do that unless its an emergency. wha#They're like 'Oh. I can hack this computer. I'll put a hacked version of windows 11 on it and hack all stuff on it' like...yeah but I don't#I don't want that. man. everytime I express attachment to bby they're like 'Why do you care? you have a brand new laptop anyway'#Like. how do I explain it in a way that doesn't make me sound insane or whatever. ugh#They don't understand at all....I might just have to get the stuff to fix her myself#:((((#it's tough man#objectum#Android.txt
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Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own
#young 20 something mum and middle aged mother of 3#both just. asking *questions*#what do hormones do? when/how did you know? why is it so important to you?#these ate genuine questions seeking to understand!! and it means so much to me that i can BE that point of understanding!#adfhsjsj they were talking about periods and the younger woman was like. sorry if this is uncomfortable Jason#and im like. lol dont even worry i still get then too and they suck#older woman was like??? i thought hormones stop them??? im not on hormones yet i just naturally have hormonal imbalance thanks to PCOS#its just...if someone genuinely doesnt understand but is willing to learn? its a conversation worth having.#and i cant know that i always have a positive effect but i ways come back to the vaguely right leaning centrist dude i worked with at mcds#who told me i had changed his view of masculinity and gender as a whole#just by talking and explaining ny experiences#even if he ends up being the only other person I affect..its all worth it.because without me or someone like me he would never have changed#sorry i just get emotional sometimes thinking abkut how...probably the majority of cishets who arent plugged into tumblr#do not experience queer people. hell#im sure there are alot of queer people who havent been exposed to queer theory either#and it means the world to me that i can present and explain that understanding. that willingness to understand.#fuck man if you had told me id be doing this in my early teens id never have thought it possible
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