#just explaining how I understand his views on this

[love-byers]

we all know about the parallel of mike hugging karen when he feels like he's lost will, but i've never seen anyone talk about the other parallels in the s1 and s3 heroes scenes. there are more than you think!

will's fake body being pulled out of the quarry VS will (+ the others) pulling out of the driveway for california

a close up of mike looking at both

mike leaving the scene on his bike after 'losing' will

in one, he has no hesitation. he gets his bike and doesn't look back. not at wills fake dead body, not at el (which would be odd if he knew he was in love with her then...), not at dustin and lucas, not at anyone. he keeps moving forward.

in the other, he is full of hesitation as the other bike away, not looking back. mike stays back and takes one last look at will's house, looking nervous, before hesitantly tearing his eyes away and biking off, trailing behind dustin lucas and max.

do i really need to explain the implications of that....

mike entering the wheeler house visibly upset after losing will, and karen immediately noticing

mike seeking out a hug from karen, something he rarely does

mike hugging karen

note how both clips end with mike moving/sinking deeper into the moment. i'm not sure what the best way to describe this is, but im talking about mike shoving his face into karen's shoulder in the s1 scene and his eyes flicking down in the s3 scene. i know it seems like it doesn't matter, but it does. sprinkling things like that in as a director is purposeful! it's showing how mike is processing the events. in s1 he sinks deeper into karen's comfort, further breaking down because he thinks will is dead. in s3 he doesn't do that. he is extremely still, eyes not moving as he is in shock. then his eyes do move at the last moment, showing he is further processing whatever event has occurred, transitioning from shock to really processing whatever happened.

raw emotion vs icy shock.

and oomf @reo-bylerwagon who is a film major told me that the way the camera tilts upward in the s3 clip is used to show that a realization has occurred, or that something new is being revealed. does that not PERFECTLY line up with:

1. the way mike seems extremely shocked as though he has realized something huge

2. the fact that LITERALLY over that moment is a hopper voice over where he says "to turn back the clock, to make things go back to how they were"

and 3. the way he behaves in s4 (being weird about touching will, rink o mania, etc.)

so yeah, these are definitely parallels through and through and it's really interesting. mike has lost will in both, but in different ways. his reactions say a lot about how he's processing the events and how he views them/his relationships.

also reminder that this is not delusional in the slightest because heroes has only played twice and it's in these two sequences.

and to anyone thinking "well they're just trying to show that mike deeply cares for will, just not in a romantic way!"

......

why in the fresh FUCK would they eat up SO MUCH screen time to show that mike platonically cares about will, rather than use that time to develop his relationship with el and, i don't know, show that he loves her??? why would they feed into will's unrequited love like this??? spoiler alert: THEY AREN'T.

that would be doing WAY too much for a relationship that will end in an amicable split so one can get married and one can get over his deep seeded love for the other and navigate the (extremely homophobic) world alone.

like yall are very clearly not writers or creatives in the slightest 💀💀💀 any writer (or anyone with the faintest creative/analytical bone in their body) will immediately understand why that's fucking dumb and makes no sense. yall are just heteronormative af and instead of admitting that it's greatly affecting your perception of the characters you double and TRIPLE down until you sound like a homophobic disaster

also

season 1 - heroes plays (when mike feels like he lost will)

season 2 - heroes does not play

season 3 - heroes plays (when mike feels like he lost will)

seasons 4 - heroes does not play

season 5 - heroes will play...? perhaps the original david bowie version? and byler will finally kiss as though nothing could fall and the shame will be on the other side? and they can be heroes? just for one day?

so yeah anyways byler endgame

[wynnerwynner]

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄

aemond targaryen x fem!royce-targaryen!reader

synopsis: after aemond made a scene toward his wife's estranged family at dinner, he seeks her out to apologize and make a daring promise.

request: no

warnings: brief discussion of violence

wc: 1.1k

A knock came from the door. Y/N did not rise from where she laid on the bed. They knocked again.

“Y/N,” Aemond called from the other side. “Y/N—open the door, for Gods’ sake.”

She could hear conversation between him and her guard, but could not discern it.

Aemond was growing irritated.

“I apologize, Your Highness,” Ser Andry said as the door swung open. “I tried to—”

The door slammed shut before he could finish his sentence, the wood rattling against its hinges. She must stop slamming it so much herself. She was not her father.

Aemond took a couple steps into the room. Slowly, he drew closer to the bed.

“I couldn’t help but notice your leaving without a word from our dinner.”

Aemond rounded the bed, coming into view of her open eyes. He sat on the edge of it, staring at her.

“Y/N,” he said simply.

“What you did,” she spoke softly, staring off, “really hurt me … Aemond.”

“That was never my intention.”

Y/N sighed through her nose, adjusting her head against the pillow.

“My uncle is a prick. So are his children.”

When her eyes flicked to him, he froze.

I am his child, her eyes so easily said.

Once again, Aemond was reminded that he did something the opposite of his intentions.

Y/N turned over, leaving her silk-covered back to him.

Aemond sat there, picking at the skin around his fingers, unsure of what to do next. Then, he laid on the bed next to her. He faced her back, staring at her pearl and brown coloured hair.

“I am sorry,” he said.

“The intention isn’t the matter,” Y/N said softly, “it is the outcome. The result of one’s actions is often always what matters. Whatever your intentions, I know it was to rouse them. You act as though I am stupid.”

“I do not think you stupid. My uncle ignored you. He has been ignoring you,” he reminded. “Does that not anger you?”

“It does,” she snapped. “But I know him better than anyone.”

Aemond paused.

“You deserve justice,” he said carefully.

“I do,” she replied. “Though, it is my justice to serve. Not yours. I understand it is difficult for you to accept because of the hatred that’s been instilled upon you regarding my step and half siblings, but they are not just your nephews and nieces. They are now your brothers and sisters—as much as they are mine. They’ve always been kind to me. I’d’ve hoped you’d seen that.”

Tentatively, he reached out and pulled a curly strand of brown and pearl hair over her shoulder.

Y/N turned over to face him. For once, he was the nervous one.

She struggled to understand how she’d explain the complexity that was her genealogy.

“I …”

Her mouth bobbed as she choked on words, each planned sentence making less sense than the last. After nearly a minute of him patiently waiting for her to speak, she decided it didn’t matter if he thought her insane. He could label her a witch. He could look at her the same way the court looked at Helaena and it wouldn’t matter. If she lost yet another person who was supposed to love her, it wouldn’t matter this time.

“My mother and father—their blood of the First Men and Old Valyria, gifted me the ability to empathize. I can … I can feel other people’s emotions, though I cannot manipulate. The wind and the grass have their own emotions. So does the wood of this bed and the threading of my nightgown. I can feel everything. I can feel men as far as the Wall.”

Y/N found herself spewing her deepest secret, speaking faster than her brain could comprehend. She’d never spoken of her gift to anyone but Helaena, especially not to this depth.

“My father often feels like—like shame and disappointment. It is why he goes on these adventures and neglects me. Why he tries to be a father to his other children. He’s afraid of me—of what my existence represents.”

Y/N was ready for him to bleed her out in her own bed. But the knife never left its holster. Instead, his mouth opened,

“And what do I feel like, Princess?”

She blinked, then mumbled, “Sorrow.”

Aemond’s eye looked from one of hers, to the other. “And what?”

“Rain,” she whispered absently. “You’ve always felt like rain.”

She watched his expression change in the minuscule way it did when he turned inward.

His hand came up to her cheek, his thumb stroking the skin of her cheek.

“I can get you justice,” he said.

It would only take a word and he’d conspire against the lives of her father’s entire family. One word and Dragonstone would explode.

“I do not wish death,��� she whispered.

“I can make you their Queen.”

He said it so casually, she couldn’t believe it.

“You mustn’t make such complex promises, Aemond.”

“You should know by now, dear wife, I don’t make promises I cannot keep.”

She got the urge to slap him, though she refrained. How dare he say such a thing?

“And I’m to believe you’d let me sit atop the throne? Higher than even you? How would that work? My father gave up his seat—there is no way, in this realm, that I’d wear that crown on my head. That is not what my uncle wishes upon his death.”

“What my father wishes is not important,” he said with irritating calm. “Have you never dreamed of what it would be like to look down on Daemon? To look down on all those who have wronged you?”

Y/N stared at him, brows narrowed. She licked her lips before reminding, “I’d be looking down on you.”

“You understand, just as I, that family is sacred. Unlike my mother, you understand how to keep our children on the throne. You do not play, as she does.”

“And what would the people think?”

“You are of the First Men. You have advantage.”

“Aemond, I do not wish to sit before my own council in a time of need, all for them to talk amongst themselves!” she emphasized. “This is ludicrous.”

He sat up. “It is truth.”

“No, it is delusion,” she raised from the pillow.

Aemond assessed her before leaning in slowly to leave a lingering kiss to her cheek. Then, he leaned toward her ear and whispered,

“I’d burn them all if it meant securing the throne.”

He pulled away slowly and retreated from the room. Even after the door had closed, Y/N sat staring at the door.

[dungeefox]

Forced Favor — J.W.W

Two completely different people settling in an arranged marriage to fulfil their father's wishes. Except, what if they end up becoming fluent in choosing one another more than they planned to?

pairing: wonwoo x oc

genre: arranged marriage, friends-ish to lovers, enemies-ish to lovers

warnings: smut, 18+, MDNI, pool sex, unprotected sex, cumshot, cursing, dirty talk, big dick!wonwoo, fingering (f receiving)

wc: 14,710

a/n: comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated! 🥹

The day after your parents finalized their divorce, your mother left, taking your sister with her while you stayed behind with your father. You recall the tears streaming down your face as you pleaded with her not to go. Despite her obvious favouritism toward your sister, having her in your life feels far better than enduring the indifference of a father who seems uninterested in you.

Your father never desired to have children, viewing them as a burden. This likely explains why, as soon as your mother left, he sent you away and has largely remained distant since. You were just fourteen at the time, and adjusting to life on your own was far from easy. Many nights were spent feeling lonely, frightened, and longing for home, wishing for someone to reach out to, but there was no one available. It's not that you didn't make an effort to connect with your parents and sister; you did, and quite desperately, to be honest. You attempted to call several times, but they never answered. You even wrote letters detailing how you were doing, sharing your academic successes, and almost pleading for their pride. You hoped that one day they might want you back, but after six long years, that day still feels out of reach.

Until yesterday.

It felt surreal when you got a call from your father informing you that he had arranged a flight for you to return home. He only said, "Mr. and Mrs. Jeon have invited us for dinner," and you didn’t probe further about the occasion. You were simply filled with joy at the thought of being reunited with your father once more.

𓂃۶ৎ

"Do you know why you're here?" Wonwoo inquires as he guides you along the stone path in his backyard. You both have just stepped out of the dining room because he wished to have a private conversation with you.

You respond with a slight shrug of your shoulders. "Why?"

He halts next to a wooden bench, leaning forward to wipe the dust off its surface. "Here, sit."

You glance at him, hesitating for a moment before finally sitting down. "What is this about?"

He takes a position beside you, adjusting slightly so that he faces you. "Our parents want us to get married."

M-married?

You're uncertain if you're hearing him correctly. For a moment, you can only gaze at him, your lips attempting to form a word, yet nothing escapes. Eventually, you manage a quiet "What?"

"I understand," he replies. "That's quite a lot to take in. Feel free to take your time."

"Take my time?" You laugh, not out of humor, but because it seems absurd. "I don’t need time to process this. You must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to marry you."

"Well, tell that to our parents—they set this whole shit up."

You narrow your gaze suspiciously. Somehow you have a feeling that this is one of his stupid pranks. Not that it's new to you. He does it all the time. The asshole acts like it's his job sometimes. 

“I swear to God if this is one of your-” Wonwoo lifts a finger up, cutting your speech short. "I know what you're about to say. But no, it's not a prank. I'm serious."

"So you're telling me you actually agreed to this arrangement?" you inquire, raising your eyebrows in disbelief.

"No, not really. But I'm doing this for my father. I’m sure you’ve heard about it."

Yes, your dad mentioned Mr. Jeon's declining health during the drive from the airport. Currently, he is overseas receiving treatment for his illness. A wave of sympathy washes over you for Wonwoo, yet it doesn't sway your decision.

"I'm truly sorry about your father, Wonwoo. I really am. But marrying me won’t cure his illness."

"I understand that," he replies, letting out a heavy sigh. "He just wants to see me settled down before... you know."

"Settled down with... me?"

Wonwoo gives a nod. "You know how much my parents adore you. They've been trying to set us up since we were teens."

"But he can't force you to marry someone you don't want to. Do you honestly think you can spend your life tied to someone you don’t love? You can’t even commit to a relationship.”

He shrugs casually. "I don't mind if it's you I'm marrying.” You huff, not believing him. "You don't even like me.”

You and Wonwoo have been childhood friends, having grown up as neighbors. However, your personalities clash like oil and water—completely incompatible. He is the only person who truly knows how to irritate you. It’s not that you dislike him, nor does he qualify as your enemy. You must admit, he can be quite charming at times, especially when he isn’t saying or doing something foolish that gets on your nerves. This happens only once in a blue moon, by the way. Sometimes, it's hard to believe he is twenty-eight while you are just twenty-one; it feels like it should be the other way around.

“I never said I don't like you," Wonwoo denies. "I actually do. I think you… uh…"

“I'm what?" You probe, lifting your brows. 

"I think you've got nice teeth," He says. 

“What? Teeth?!"

“Yeah. Teeth. They look especially nice when you smile. Which you don't do often by the way.” 

Is this a joke? You thought as you gave him the eye-roll. 

"Look, you may not be someone who takes matters like marriage seriously, but I do. I can't sacrifice myself to spend the rest of my life with you just to please your father. And if I ever plan to marry, it would be to someone I love."

He exhales and nods. "Alright, I respect your decision.”

You rise from the bench and gaze down at him. "Can we get back inside now?"

"Sure."

𓂃۶ৎ

Upon returning to the dining room, you find the table cleared and everyone gone. You look over at the man beside you, who appears just as puzzled. He steps out of the dining room, and you follow him into the living hall, only to discover it is also empty.

"Where is everyone?" you inquire.

“Your father has left," replies Wonwoo's mother as she descends the staircase.

"What? Why?" you ask, a sense of unease creeping in. "Did he mention anything?"

“We were talking about you and thought it would be wonderful for you to stay here with Wonwoo for maybe three weeks or more, giving you time to consider the arrangement."

Your jaw drops in disbelief. "What do you mean?”

“I trust Wonwoo has filled you in on this, right?" She glances at her son.

"Yes, but—" You look at Wonwoo, silently questioning, “Are you part of this too?” He responds with a clueless shrug.

"Think of it as a trial period," she continues. "It's just an opportunity for you to see if you like Wonwoo enough to marry him." She pauses, smiling as she takes your hand. "You don't have to feel pressured to say yes, but Mr. Jeon and I would be thrilled to have you as our daughter-in-law."

There's so much information to absorb, and it’s all happening so fast. Your mouth opens and closes, struggling to find the right words, but nothing comes.

“Oh, and your father mentioned he’ll be out of town for a few weeks," Mrs. Jeon adds.

“Wait, what?” Panic seizes your heart as you look around, searching for your purse. Spotting it on one of the sofas, you rush over to grab your phone. A message from your father catches your eye. Holding your breath, you tap on the notification to read it.

“Sorry, I have to leave early to catch a flight to China. Mr. and Mrs. Jeon have kindly offered for you to stay at their place for now. Hopefully, you can decide by the end of your stay there. I genuinely hope you'll say yes. This is everything I could have wished for you: to marry someone wonderful, someone of high status like Wonwoo. You'll make me so proud. Plus, Mr. Jeon has been a big help to our family; we owe him a lot.”

The words slowly sink in. It feels as though the world is spinning around you, and you’re on the verge of fainting. You sway slightly on your feet, but suddenly Wonwoo is beside you, wrapping an arm around your waist for support.

“You okay?" he whispers, gazing down at you. You nod slowly, feeling his proximity make you blush, and you quickly look away.

“Aw, look at you two, such a perfect match,” his mother coos, clasping her hands together, her expression dreamy as if she's watching a romantic movie.

You clear your throat, straightening up to create some distance between you and Wonwoo. He interprets this as a signal to release you, but his eyes remain fixed on you as if he fears you might collapse if he looks away.

"I'm feeling a bit exhausted from the jet lag," you tell his mother. "Would it be alright if I head up to my room first?"

“Oh dear, of course! You must be so tired." She glances at Wonwoo. "Can you show her to her room?"

"Which one?" he asks. “Any bedroom upstairs," she replies, adding with a playful tone, "Just try to avoid the haunted one."

Your eyes widen as you switch gazes between Wonwoo and his mother. "H-haunted?" Wonwoo laughs softly, placing a reassuring hand on your lower back. "Let’s go," he says, guiding you up the staircase.

"What did she mean by 'haunted'?" you inquire, looking up at him as you ascend.

"The previous owner tragically took their own life in one of the bedrooms upstairs."

"Oh, fantastic," you mutter quietly to yourself.

As you reach the second floor, the atmosphere feels less grand than below. A narrow hallway stretches out, with three rooms on each side. The lighting is dim, and rustic paintings adorn the walls. You notice your small suitcase waiting by the door at the far end of the corridor. That must be your room.

"Which one is the haunted one?" you whisper cautiously to Wonwoo as he leads you down the hall. He gestures toward the door directly across from yours, sending a shiver down your spine. Wonwoo opens the door to your room, and you step inside, pulling your suitcase along as he flicks the light on.

“Let me know if you need anything," He says.

"Wonwoo, wait," You turn around, feeling more nervous now that he's leaving the door nearly closed, but it flew open again. 

"What?" He says, standing at the doorway, his hand holding onto the door jamb.

"Where will you be sleeping?" He nods towards the room next door.

"Oh," That's a relief. "Okay. Goodnight.'

A little frown forms on his forehead as he stands there, studying your face. "Will you be okay?’

"You mean will I be okay staying across a haunted room? or will I be okay staying with you for the next three weeks?"

"Both."

"No and no," You reply sharply. "can't even stand being in the same room with you for a minute, let alone living together.” You didn't know what got into you, but you certainly didn't mean to say that. 

Wonwoo takes a sharp breath, as if he's fighting the impulse to snap back at you. "Do you want me to send you home? You don’t have to stay here if you’d rather not."

You want to respond that you don’t really have a home, but that would only prompt him to ask why. You're too worn out for that kind of inquiry.

“Never mind," You reply, turning away from him. "Just leave me alone.”

"I swear you are so fucking confusing sometimes," He murmurs under his breath.

“Me? Confusing?" You turned sharply to glare at him. "This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t agreed to this ridiculous arrangement. You brought me into this! It’s entirely your fault!"

The door swings open as Wonwoo steps inside. "If you're so against it, you should've told my mother no just now. It's really that simple!" he countered. "Why didn’t you speak up?"

"Because—" You pause, your lips moving as if searching for words. "I just can’t, alright?"

His brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean you can't?"

With a resigned sigh, you finally confess, "My dad wants me to stay here, and he believes I should marry you."

“Why didn’t you let him know that you’re not interested? You had no trouble rejecting me earlier,” he remarks with a sneer.

“You don’t get it,” you reply. “My relationship with my dad is incredibly strained. If I say no, he’ll be so disappointed. I don’t want to jeopardize the little connection we have left by letting him down.”

He gazes at you, pausing for a moment to let your words resonate. "So, you're really considering marrying me?"

"I honestly don't know, Wonwoo," you respond with a heavy sigh. "I'm just too tired to think right now. All I need is some sleep." He nods in understanding. "Okay, I'll see you in the morning."

"I'm sorry for raising my voice at you," you mumble as the door is about to close. He turns to you, a small smile appearing on his face. "It's alright, I actually missed it."

You raise an eyebrow at him. "You missed being yelled at by me?"

"Yeah," he confesses. "But I miss you even more." His sincerity almost makes you believe him. Then, you remember that this is Wonwoo – the guy who speaks his mind without a filter. You can't take his words too seriously.

"Goodnight, Wonwoo," you reply simply.

"Aren't you going to say it back?" he asks, a playful glint in his eyes.

"Nope," you say, turning away from him.

"Fine. Just don't come looking for me when the demon creature haunts you tonight."

You whip your head around to face him. "There's a demon creature?!"

Instead of answering, he turns away and slams the door in your face like a first-class asshole that he is, leaving you all alone in that room.

𓂃۶ৎ 

You spent the previous night brooding over how awful this entire situation is. However, by morning, you’ve come to terms with the fact that you’ll be here for the next three weeks. After all, it’s summer break, and there’s nothing you can do or anywhere to go. Your options are either to stay with Wonwoo or be completely alone in your apartment overseas. You decide that the former sounds more appealing because, despite how annoying Wonwoo can be at times, he is still your friend and some company would be nice.

Regarding the marriage arrangement, as absurd as it may seem, you might actually think about giving it a chance.

Might. Think.

If you were to agree, it would be for your Dad, not for Wonwoo. Perhaps it’s the message he sent that resonates with your willingness to sacrifice. The part of you that is eager to make him proud and gain his approval. Maybe this could help mend your relationship with your Dad. All you can do is hope.

𓂃۶ৎ

Deciding it’s futile to keep brooding, you rise from bed and slip into your cozy robe before stepping out of the room. In the daylight, the hallway feels less menacing than it did last night. Yet, the thought of a haunted room still sends shivers down your spine.

You finally reach Wonwoo's door and knock gently. There’s no response. After a few more attempts, you choose to enter, as silence persists. The door opens just enough for you to peek inside. A glance at the bed reveals that Wonwoo is absent, but the sound of the shower fills the air.

Your gaze wanders around the room. A large display shelf occupies one wall, overflowing with train sets and famous landmarks crafted from Lego. A smile crosses your face. You've always known about his childhood fascination, but you never expected it to endure into adulthood. The grown-up Wonwoo seems more like someone who engages with women rather than toys. Perhaps you don’t know him as well as you thought.

Then something else captures your attention. Scattered across the floor near the shelves lies a massive Lego set that’s only partially assembled. It appears he’s constructing the Tower Bridge. Curious, you find yourself stepping into the room, leaving the door ajar behind you. You tread carefully to avoid disturbing the scattered bricks and pieces as you move further in.

Has anyone ever tried stepping on this thing? Hurt shitless just so you know. You bend your knees and squat down to get a clearer look of the miniatures. Everything looks so wee and cute. You smile at a tiny replica of a London bus and pick it up. As you're inspecting it, the bathroom door behind cracks open. You slowly bring your head around and you gape and freeze on the spot, the bricks slipping out of your grasp, free-falling to the ground. 

Standing at the threshold of the bathroom is Wonwoo. Wearing nothing from head to toe. And he is staring at you, eyes wide open, looking more dumbfounded than ever.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He yells from where he stands.

"I'm so sorry!" You quickly turn your head and spring to your feet, ready to escape the situation. However, as you take your first step, a sudden, piercing pain shoots through the back of your foot, causing you to stumble. You prefer to avoid the f-word unless absolutely necessary, but…

“FUCKING HELL!” Everything falls apart. In that brief moment, you can nearly witness your life flash before you. They say this occurs just before death, but the truth is, you’re still very much alive. But you're pretty sure it feels all the fucking same when your ass landed on these tiny little bricks on the floor. 

"Oh shit! Are you okay?" You lift your head and gasp at the sight of him striding towards you. All naked. His, whatever it is, swinging freely. Don't look at it, don't look! Instead, you find yourself staring in disbelief. No matter how hard you try, you simply can't erase that image from your mind. Maybe it is a testament to how lonely or horny you are. You might have been experiencing a dry spell for quite some time, or perhaps you've never encountered something so large and thick in person before. All of a sudden you're wishing this is porn so you could just get on your knees and suck him off into oblivion.

Wonwoo clears his throat, and the sound cuts through your wandering thoughts. You snap back to reality, looking up to see him standing tall above you.

“I'm so sorry!" You scream as you swiftly cover your eyes with your palm to block your sight. Using your other hand, you push yourself up to stand and quickly pivot to scurry away. Your ass is on fire but you don't even care anymore. All you need is to get out of there. 

𓂃۶ৎ

Following that awkward moment in Wonwoo's room this morning, you now find yourselves having breakfast in complete silence. Mrs. Jeon has left the country to be with her husband, leaving just you and Wonwoo in the house, along with the housemaids—who mostly remain invisible unless needed. The dining room is eerily quiet, with only the sound of spoons clinking against plates breaking the stillness. You're making a concerted effort to avoid eye contact with Wonwoo, but every time you steal a glance, you catch him already staring, which sends your mind racing and makes you blush uncontrollably.

Wonwoo, on the other hand, is revelling in this tension. The smug grin on his face says it all, and his gaze is fixed on you, never wavering. He delights in teasing you like this, especially when you turn all shy and red as you are now. As soon as breakfast is finished, you hurriedly retreat to your room.

The remainder of the afternoon is spent in bed, absorbed in your e-reader, diving into the latest fantasy romance you just bought. For a little while, you allow yourself to escape into someone else's world, a refreshing break from your reality. It feels liberating, providing temporary relief from your worries.

Finally, you venture out of your room, driven by thirst. After a quick shower, you slip into a maroon sweater that drapes over one shoulder, paired with black leggings. The clock nears seven o'clock, and the hallway is starting to darken. Suddenly reminded of the possibility of encountering a demon lurking nearby, you quicken your steps toward the staircase.

At that moment, you encounter Wonwoo. He’s making his way up the final flight of stairs just as you’re about to head down. You freeze in place, captivated by the sight before you. He remains oblivious to your presence, absorbed in his phone. It appears he has just come from a swim; his hair is damp, and he wears a grey bathrobe. The belt is tied securely, yet the V neckline reveals his bare chest. 

You feel a flutter in your lower abdomen as you continue to gaze at him. This man possesses impressively broad shoulders, the kind that makes you feel petite, especially with water droplets glistening on his skin, he's looking even more lickable than usual. What are you talking about?! You shake your head, pushing that thought far, far away. You can't help but feel that the unexpected encounter this morning truly affected you deeply.

"Oh, hey," Wonwoo offers a greeting as he arrives at the top of the stairs, shifting his focus from his phone to you. You respond with a gentle hum and continue to walk past him. He tsks and reaches out to grab your arm, pulling you back.

“How long are you planning to ignore me?" He asks, sounding gruff.

“I'm not ignoring you," You deny. "I was just going to head downstairs to get something to drink."

"Then explain why you're hiding in your room doing who knows what for the whole fucking day? Is that what you're planning to do for the rest of your stay here?" He asks.

"No," You respond softly. Wonwoo gazes at your face as if he's trying to uncover a hidden answer. "Is it because of what happened this morning? You walking in on me naked?" He surmises. 

Yes and yes. 

You feel your cheek growing hot, and Wonwoo notices. "Come on, it's just a dick. Pretty sure you've seen one before," He teases.

“That's not just a dick, that's-" The words trail away and you press your lips together to stop yourself. A slow smirk pulls at his lips. "What?" he asks. That's one hell of a dick, you say internally, refusing to voice it out. The man doesn't need an extra boost to his ego. Instead, you raise your chin and say, "What do you want from me?"

"Listen," he says, shifting back to a serious tone. "The reason we’re both trapped here is because we need to be. I’m doing this for my father, and you’re here because you don’t want to disappoint yours. The decision to marry me is yours, and you have three weeks to think it over. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves while you’re here."

He’s right. You can’t spend the next twenty-eight days holed up in your room with your nose buried in a book.

"What do you propose we do then?" you inquire.

"I have a game in mind that I think we should play," he suggests.

“Game?” you inquire, tilting your head in curiosity.

“Absolutely. This game will help us reconnect.”

“We already know each other, Wonwoo," you reply. "We were friends, remember?”

“That was six years ago. People change,” he states matter-of-factly.

That's true. “Alright, how do we play?”

“I’m sure you’re familiar with this game: Truth or Dare. You choose one of the two. If you select truth, I’ll ask you a question that you must answer honestly—no lies or dodging. If you refuse to answer, you’ll have to complete a dare. Each person gets three turns a day. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“I’ll go first,” he begins. “So, truth or dare?”

You take a moment to reflect. Opting for a dare feels like too much of a gamble. Wonwoo can be quite the trickster at times. What if he challenges you to do something outrageous, like a lap dance or something equally embarrassing?

"Truth," you finally decide.

"Are you currently seeing anyone?" he inquires.

"No." A look of relief washes over his face as he smiles. "Now it's your turn."

"Truth or Dare?" you ask, secretly hoping he will choose the latter. You feel a strong urge to dare him to lick your toes or wash your feet, just to annoy him.

“Truth,” he responds instead.

“Ugh,” you groan. Honestly, you can't come up with anything clever to ask right now, so you settle on, "What's your hobby?" He rolls his eyes. "Boring."

"Just answer the question, Wonwoo," you say impatiently, eager to wrap this up and escape from him. "So, what's your hobby?" you ask once more.

"Sex. I love sex. If that's a hobby."

"Why am I even surprised?" you murmur to yourself, your tone quite flat.

"My turn now," he continues. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"I'm just curious..." He pauses for a brief moment. "Are you a virgin?"

You stare directly into his eyes. It's not that you are a virgin, but it's also not his place to ask. "Why do you want to know?" you respond.

He shrugs casually. "Just for future reference."

"What does that even mean?"

"Come on, do you really think nothing will happen between us over the next three weeks?"

How bold of him! "I'm not going to sleep with you if that's what you're implying."

"Ouch." He clutches his chest, feigning injury. "I thought you'd be interested after catching a glimpse of my human sausage."

"You did not just say human sausage." You press your lips together, trying to suppress laughter.

"What should I call it then?" He raises his brows. "Mushroom head? Semen maker? Corn Dog?”

"Please, stop," You say through your pressed lips. He grins. "What about cum factory? Sounds good?" That's all there is to it. You let out a hearty laugh that is quite unbecoming, resembling a pig's snort so closely that you must turn away to conceal your face.

"Do you want me to continue, babe?" He teases. "I can go on all night." You shake your head jerkily. "No! no more dick talk, please." It takes a moment for you to regain your composure. Taking a deep breath, you turn back to face him. Wonwoo chuckles at the rosy flush on your cheeks from all the laughter. Honestly, he's been eager to see you laugh like this; you look so stunning that you nearly leave him breathless.

"You haven't answered my question," He says. "Are you a virgin?"

"I'm not telling you," You refuse.

"Well, you know the consequence when you can't answer a question.”

"Alright, I'll take on a dare. What do you want me to do?" Wonwoo presses his lips together, taking his time to contemplate. "You’re not going to ask me to kiss you, are you?" You guessed correctly; it's the only thing that pops into your mind. "That's not what I had in mind," he says, locking his gaze on your eyes and then your lips. "Though I wouldn't be opposed to it."

You swallow hard, feeling a wave of nerves. "Then what do you want me to do?"

His eyes rise to meet yours. "Sing me that song."

"What song?"

"Baby.." He starts singing, "Shark doo doo doo doo."

"Ugh, go fuck yourself, Wonwoo!" You snarl and start walking off down the hall.

"Where are you going, babe?" He asks through his laughter. You flip him the middle finger and keep walking. 

𓂃۶ৎ

You’ve been here for ten days, and it’s beginning to dawn on you that your stay isn’t as unpleasant as you initially imagined. Your books and the maids provide comforting company in Wonwoo's absence. However, when he is home, he either intentionally teases you, flirts with you at every opportunity, or instigates a game of Truth or Dare. It’s evident that you both have formed a bond through this game, though recently, his questions have varied widely, swinging from trivial to rather inappropriate.

What's your favorite movie? (Shrek)

Do you believe in Aliens? (Nope)

What do you like about me? (Nothing)

You were, of course, being dishonest. You simply didn’t want him to become too arrogant about it.

Do you have a Daddy kink? (What do you think?)

There are moments when you ask questions without much thought, just wanting to move on, and then there are times when your curiosity is genuine. Through this playful game, albeit silly, you learn so much about Wonwoo—ranging from significant details, like his decision to leave his architecture career to take over his father's company, to lighter anecdotes, such as how his ex-girlfriend broke up with him because he pours his milk before his cereal. Just ten days ago, he was merely an acquaintance; now he has become a friend—the kind who annoys you at times, yet you can't stay upset with for long.

𓂃۶ৎ

It's a Friday morning, and you find yourself alone in the dining room. Wonwoo has left for work after sharing a quick breakfast with you, a routine that has developed since you started your stay. He'll return for dinner later in the evening. As you sip your tea, your phone lights up with a message from your dad, saying, 'The lawyer will be in touch soon. If there's anything you'd like to add to the contract, please let him know.'

It appears your dad has engaged a lawyer to assist in drafting a prenuptial agreement. You don't quite grasp the urgency. To be honest, you haven't really contemplated what will happen after the three weeks are up, but you aren't one to defy your father's wishes. With a resigned sigh, you pick up your phone and respond with an "Okay" and a "Thank you, Dad."

Later that evening, you finally draft a few terms you'd like to negotiate, typing them out in the notes section of your iPad. Now, you're pondering whether to discuss them with Wonwoo before sending the file to your lawyer. After a brief moment of reflection, you reach for your phone to send him a text.

[9:06pm] You: My room, now. [9:06pm] Jeon W.: You think I'm your dog? [9:07pm] You: Can you see me in my room, please? :) [9:07pm] Jeon W.: What for? [9:08pm] You: I want to show you something. [9:08pm] Jeon W.: You, naked? [9:09pm] You: Maybe.

In an instant, you hear the familiar sound of his door opening and closing, accompanied by the rhythm of his footsteps. Finally, the door to your room swings open, revealing Wonwoo in a simple white t-shirt and black shorts. His tousled hair falls gently over his eyes, which look so inviting that you can't help but want to run your fingers through them. When his gaze meets yours, you can't help but giggle at the look of disappointment that washes over his face upon realizing you’re not naked. With a grunt, Wonwoo mutters something quietly under his breath.

"Come sit with me," you respond before looking down at your iPad. The door clicks shut, and he approaches you. He stands beside you, his hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts as he gazes down at you. "What made you invite me to your room, princess?" he inquires. "Please tell me we are finally doing the deed? Because I am so fucking ready."

You roll your eyes. "Why do you have to relate everything to sex?"

“If you didn't invite me here for naughty purposes, what for then?" He asks once he is seated next to you on the ottoman. "My father has hired a lawyer for me," you told him. "You know, to help me out with the marriage contract and stuff."

His eyes go round like saucers. "Fuck, we're getting married for real?"

"Oh, I wouldn't count on that," you reply dismissively. His gaze sharpens as he looks at you. "However," you continue, "if I decide to accept this arrangement, there are certain conditions that need to be met." You hand him your iPad. "Take a look at this. I thought it would be wise to go over it together before I send it to my lawyer."

On your iPad, there's a bullet-point list of your negotiation terms. They aren't phrased in legal jargon, but that's something for the lawyer to address, not you.

I get to finish my studies and find a job of my choosing here.

We move to a new place (preferably a villa and NOT haunted)

I want a pet pig.

He pauses his reading to gaze at you with a blank expression, as if he believes you’ve lost your mind.

"What? Pigs are intelligent, you know?"

"Where do you think you are? FarmVille?" he replies with a sarcastic tone.

"We could get a teacup pig!" you counter. "Have you seen them? They’re adorable and tiny!"

"There's no such thing as teacup pigs. They are just piglets and will eventually grow into a motherfucking pig. On top of that, they stink and poop like it's no one's business.” 

You lift your chin to meet his gaze. "How can you be so certain?"

"I know someone who breeds pigs," he replies. You pause for a moment, then reluctantly acknowledge that Wonwoo is correct; a fully grown pig can easily weigh around 300 kg, making it impractical to keep one in the house.

"Alright, I'll remove that option," you say, giving in. Wonwoo notices the slight pout forming on your lips and the disappointment etched on your face. He feels a twinge of guilt for disappointing you, and it tugs at his heart.

"Is there another pet you'd like to have?" he asks gently, adding, "Just nothing that belongs on a farm... or in a jungle."

You look up at him with bright, hopeful eyes. "What about a kitten or a puppy?" you suggest. Wonwoo beams at you. "We can definitely do that," he agrees, before turning his attention back to your iPad.

In the event of an extramarital affair, I have the right to leave the marriage. We got a divorce with no contest.

Wonwoo gazes at you once more, his expression a mystery. "Do you really think I would cheat on you?"

You find yourself at a loss for words. Having faced abandonment at a young age, you've learned to be wary of those around you. You've grown up convinced that people will eventually lose interest and leave, just like your parents did.

“I hope you don't take it the wrong way," you reassure him. "I'm not implying that you're untrustworthy; it's simply that I don't know you well enough to place my trust in you." A look of understanding crosses his face, and he nods. "That’s fair," he replies, redirecting his focus to the screen.

With a look of concentration, his lips purse as he studies the bullet points. You lean in to see better as he taps the edit icon in the bottom right corner of the screen, causing the keyboard to pop up, and his fingers begin to move.

In the event of an extramarital affair (never going to happen), I have the right to leave the marriage. As a penalty, 100% of Jeon Wonwoo's assets will be handed over to me.

You read and reread the section he has just revised. "Are you serious?" You stare at him, eyes wide in disbelief. "You're giving me complete ownership of your property?"

He nods with an ease that suggests it's no big deal to him. "Regardless of whether I have an affair, you’ll still receive fifty percent of everything I acquire from the moment you say yes."

If he’s attempting to entice you, it's working to some extent. You won’t deny that his offer is incredibly tempting. Wonwoo's assets are immense, and with that kind of wealth, you could finally establish a literacy organization and open those free schools you’ve always dreamed of.

"I'll have my lawyer prepare the prenup as soon as you make a decision," he states.

"Oh, okay," you mumble, still in disbelief.

"What’s next?" he mutters to himself, redirecting his attention to the screen.

"I want children, and I get to name all of them." You’ve pondered long and hard about including that clause. You know Wonwoo will tease you when he sees it, but you push your embarrassment aside. You've always wanted kids, and it's crucial that he supports the idea before you commit to marriage.

He raises an amused eyebrow, a smirk forming on one side of his mouth. "Babies, huh?"

You feel your cheeks flush. "Why? Don’t you want kids?"

He shakes his head and turns to set the iPad down on the mattress behind him. When he looks back at you, you respond with a confused expression. "What does—" you mimic his earlier gesture, shaking your head, "that means?"

"It means if you want children, I can give you children. But there's an issue," he replies, crossing his arms over his chest. His biceps flex, and it's hard to ignore. Damn him. Stop staring! you scold yourself. Look up! You force yourself to meet his gaze. "What’s the issue?"

“How can we have children if you keep running away every time I get close?" he asks. "You won’t even let me touch you."

"I'm not going to run," you insist, looking away.

"I don't believe you." Determined to prove him wrong, you lift your chin and meet his eyes. "Try me."

A moment of silence stretches between you, creating a charged atmosphere. His gaze is dark and intense, hinting at something more intimate.

"Come sit on my lap," he finally says. Your eyes drop to his thighs, and you gulp nervously. Slowly, you rise from your seat and stand in front of him, glancing between him and his lap, hesitating.

Wonwoo watches you, his heart racing as you finally lower yourself onto his lap. Once seated, he places a hand on your back, resting his palm on the curve of your waist to steady you in case you move. This is the closest you’ve ever been, and he’s reluctant to let go. A stretched silence envelops you as Wonwoo studies your profile intently, while you glance down at your fingers, nervously twiddling your thumbs.

"What now?" You say, trying to defuse the awkwardness. 

“Put your arms around me, sweetheart," he softly whispers in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. The warmth of his low voice raises goosebumps along the back of your neck. Normally, you would scold him for calling you sweetheart, as it feels incredibly patronizing. However, these aren’t ordinary circumstances, and you find yourself too anxious to speak. Instead, you take a deep, shaky breath and press forward. As you encircle your arms around Wonwoo's shoulders, he gazes directly into your eyes.

If you are any other woman in this situation, he would have pulled you in for a kiss already. But you are not just any woman. And it doesn't help that he has no fucking idea whether you're attracted to him or not. He studies you for a moment, his own gaze is twitchy, showing slight hesitation. 

"Am I making you feel uncomfortable?" he whispers softly.

"Just a bit," you respond quietly. "But it's not a bad thing."

He maintains eye contact as he takes a deep breath. "If I were to touch you, would you push me away?"

"It depends on where you touch," you answer, your voice barely above a whisper. Noticing your tension, Wonwoo feels uncertain about where to begin. The last thing he wants is to frighten you away with his advances, but the urge to kiss you is so fucking strong. 

He keeps his gaze fixed on you. Gradually, almost hesitantly, he raises his hand and glides his fingertips along your jawline, cradling your face. "Is this alright?" he asks, searching your eyes.

His hand feels warm against your skin, and his touch is unexpectedly gentle. You let out a sigh and nod. "It's alright."

Wonwoo's lips curve into a smile, as if a weight has been lifted. "You have such a tiny face, baby," he muses, stroking the back of his thumb across your cheek. "It fits perfectly in my hand."

At this, you scoff. "Any guy would say something like, ‘You have such a beautiful face or lovely eyes.’"

"You know I'm not like any other guy."

"That's true," you reply, a soft smile gracing your lips. "I've never encountered anyone quite like you."

Only now do you realize how close your faces are. There's an unexpected tenderness and intimacy in his gaze, and to your own surprise, you find yourself enjoying it. You appreciate his affection.

"If you keep looking at me like that," he says, noticing your dazed expression. You blink, only to find yourself captivated by the intensity of his stare. "I'm afraid I won't be able to resist much longer."

"H-how am I looking at you?" you ask, as he gently brushes his thumb over your lower lip. "Like you want me to kiss you," he whispers.

Your heart races, and a warm blush spreads across your pale cheeks. He leans in, closer and closer, while your mind spins like a carousel. You realize you should push him away and say no, yet your body feels immobilized. It’s as if he has cast a spell, leaving you frozen in place.

The last thing you see before closing your eyes is how near his face is to yours, and then darkness envelops you as you feel the softness of his lips brush against yours. Stiff as a board, you’re surprised to find he feels just as tense. Neither of you moves your lips. This isn't what you envisioned kissing Wonwoo would be like; it almost feels like a first kiss again because you're unsure of what to do.

Should you open your mouth? Pull him closer? Or something else?

After a few seconds, Wonwoo finally pulls back. You open your eyes to meet his gaze, but it’s inscrutable. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you try to interpret the expression on his face.

Is he disappointed? Oh god, are you a bad kisser?

“It’s late,” he says somewhat coldly, avoiding your eyes. “I should probably head out now.”

“Oh, yeah, okay,” you reply, quickly unclasping your arms from around his neck and sliding off his lap. Turning your back to him as you stand, you feel too embarrassed to face him after what just occurred.

You both exchange a brief goodnight without making eye contact and then he disappears from your sight.

𓂃۶ৎ

The past few days have been quite overwhelming for Wonwoo. Since his father announced his retirement, he has had to step up and assume the role of CEO at the company. This means he’s faced with an increasing number of meetings and engagements to attend. In fact, he is currently heading to his third meeting of the day. It’s frustrating because he’s unable to spend as much time with you as he wishes.

On a brighter note, things between you two have been progressing positively. Wonwoo has noticed that, for the first time since your arrival, your disagreements feel less like disdain and more like playful banter. Yet, he’s still uncertain about where you both stand at this moment.

What will happen when the three weeks come to an end? Will you pack your bags and leave, or will you decide to stay? Fuck.

The thought of you leaving hits him hard, like a punch to the gut. He confesses that he's developed strong feelings for you—intensely so. It may seem foolish since you've only been together for two weeks, yet you have become the first thought that crosses his mind when he wakes up and the last before he drifts off to sleep. Perhaps it's because you are gradually lowering your defenses around him, allowing him to see the authentic you.

He recognizes that your relationship with your parents has been complicated. Abandoned at a young age, you carry the weight of a broken heart. He can hardly fathom the pain you endured when your mother left and your father sent you away. He understands that these experiences have left you feeling rejected, unwanted, and often inadequate; it's no wonder you tend to be shy and reserved around others.

Everyone except him.

Regardless of whether you have positive feelings for him or not, he remains unaware of your true sentiments. One thing he does recognize is your fearless nature when it comes to expressing your opinions or calling him out when necessary; perhaps that’s why he enjoys provoking you so much. Although only a few days have passed, he already longs for the playful banter and friendly arguments you shared. He misses the mischievous sparkle in your eyes when you throw a comeback his way. He yearns for the delightful sound of your laughter when he succeeds in making you smile, feeling as if he has just achieved a remarkable victory. Yet, above all else, he simply misses you.

The last conversation you had was on the night he kissed you. And he fucking ruined everything. He was completely at a loss about what had just happened to him. He had never felt this nervous around a girl before. He knows he’s a great kisser, but the instant he pressed his lips against yours, it was as if he had never kissed anyone in his life. Still, his heart raced in overdrive every time he thought about how your lips felt against his. He could have performed much better, but there’s no use in dwelling on the past. All he knows is that the next time an opportunity like that arises, he promises to kiss you passionately and make it the best kiss you've ever experienced. And he hopes that next time comes soon because time is slipping away for the two of you.

𓂃۶ৎ

Wonwoo should feel relieved now that he has completed his business project, but instead, he feels a sense of unease. That’s why he chose to skip the company dinner and head straight home. As he drives, an overwhelming sense of dread washes over him, as if he knows something is amiss but can’t quite pinpoint what it is.

"Where is she?" he asks one of the housekeepers when he walks into the house.

"She’s been in her room all day, Sir," she replies.

Wonwoo quietly mutters a quick thank you before hurrying up the stairs. He walks down the dimly lit hallway, pauses at your door, knocks, and waits. When no response comes, he decides not to knock again. Instead, he pushes the door open and steps into your room. His gaze quickly lands on your bed, and he lets out a huge sigh of relief upon spotting the lump beneath the covers.

Is she already asleep? he wonders, glancing at his wristwatch, which reads five-thirty. That's quite early. He approaches the bed and stands beside it. Gently, he pulls back the covers, and his heart races when he finally sees you. Your face is mostly hidden by your hair, prompting him to brush it aside, only to be taken aback. Your skin feels incredibly hot to the touch, and your face is damp with sweat.

Wonwoo kneels beside the bed and presses the back of his hand against your neck. "Sweetheart," he calls softly. "You're burning up, baby. Are you okay?"

You murmur something he can't quite hear, and as he observes your lips moving, he notices that you are trembling uncontrollably. Oh fuck. Panic rises in his chest, and he immediately places his arms under your body to scoop you up.

You groan at the abrupt movement, your heavy eyelids fluttering open to meet his gaze. You appear taken aback. "Wh-what are you doing, Wonwoo?"

"I'm taking you to the doctor," he replies, keeping his eyes fixed ahead as he strides toward the door.

"Put me down, I'm fine."

"Don't argue with me," he counters, still not glancing at you. "I won't accept a refusal."

You roll your eyes. "You're acting like I'm having a heart attack or something… it’s just a fever, Wonwoo; it'll probably go a-."

Suddenly, Wonwoo halts and looks down at you with such a stern expression that it leaves you speechless. You blink up at him, feeling a bit flustered. "I'm taking you to the doctor, and that's final," he states, leaving no room for debate. With a frustrated huff, you finally concede, your lips pouting slightly.

Wonwoo felt a rush of warmth coursing through his veins. He inhaled deeply, battling the sudden desire to press his lips against yours. A sense of mild shame washed over him, knowing you were unwell and that he shouldn’t be having such thoughts. Perhaps it was just because he missed you so intensely because how does someone manage to look so goddamn kissable even when they are sick, it's ridiculous. Damn her.

"Can you at least put me down? I can walk just—" Your eyes widen as Wonwoo suddenly leans closer.

"Do I need to kiss you to shut you up?" he murmurs just above your lips. You swallow hard, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks as he notices the blush spreading. A warm feeling fills his chest, and a smile appears on his face.

Beautiful little brat.

It has been a while since you last saw Wonwoo, and now he’s carrying you like a charming prince, convinced of his own charm. And now he’s even suggesting he’ll kiss you? You’re at a loss for words, your thoughts muddled and heavy.

As Wonwoo carries you down the stairs, you choose silence. A housekeeper gives you a concerned glance, and you manage a faint smile to reassure her that you’re alright.

“We’ll be out for a bit,” Wonwoo informs her as he strides through the open door toward the driveway where his car awaits. You remain silent even as he places you gently in the passenger seat and fastens your safety belt. He then walks around to the driver’s side, and you watch quietly as he starts the engine and secures his own seatbelt.

Despite your illness, his good looks continue to captivate you. Attraction is indeed a mysterious force. Seeing him in his work attire always ignites a spark, and now, with his suit jacket removed and only a white dress shirt on—buttons undone—it's even more potent. You also realize this is your first time witnessing Wonwoo drive; typically, it's been Mr. Lee, his chauffeur, who has taken you both around.

“Where is Mr—” You gasp, pressing your lips together as you suddenly remember his earlier words. Do I have to kiss you to shut you up? His voice echoes in your mind, causing your cheeks to flush once more.

Wonwoo glances at you, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. A moment later, understanding seems to wash over him, and he chuckles. "You can talk, baby. I'm not going to kiss you." He averts his gaze back to the road ahead. "Not now."

Not now...

As you attempt to compose yourself, a brief silence envelops the car. His words are making you increasingly nervous. You clear your throat and finally inquire, "Where is Mr. Lee?"

"His wife went into labor yesterday, so I'm giving him some time off." You don’t press for more details; you simply lack the energy to continue.

As the car halts at the first traffic light, Wonwoo glances at you. His expression softens as he takes in your frail condition. He gently reaches out to touch your forehead, wincing at the heat radiating from your skin. "Poor baby," he murmurs, lovingly brushing his knuckles against your cheek.

For reasons you can't quite comprehend, his tender gesture brings tears to your eyes; this kind of care is something you've longed for throughout your life.

"Are you taking me to the hospital?" you inquire.

He shakes his head lightly. "I'm taking you to Mingyu's clinic."

"Mingyu, as in your friend Mingyu?"

"Exactly."

Kim Mingyu is likely the most attractive doctor you've ever encountered. Not only that, but he is also warm and approachable. Just ten minutes into your appointment, you find yourself genuinely liking him. However, your feelings shift when he says, "I need to give you a shot to bring down your fever."

You don’t want to appear cowardly, but everyone has their fears, and for you, it's needles. This is why you never got your ears pierced, unlike everyone else. And why you were hesitant to visit the doctor.

Your face pales, and it must show because Doctor Kim is now smiling. "Are you scared?" he asks. You respond with a small nod and a shy smile. He chuckles. "What a cutie."

Almost instantly, Wonwoo clears his throat beside you. "Doctor Kim..." he says calmly, though it feels more like a warning than anything else. 

The tall doctor smiles to himself as he turns away to gather the necessary tools for your injection. Meanwhile, you nervously fidget with your thumbs, watching him pick up a syringe.

Wonwoo observes you the entire time, wanting to alleviate your anxiety but unsure how to do so. Despite his uncertainty, he gently places his hand over yours while his other hand softly strokes your back. When you glance at him, he offers you a warm and reassuring smile. "It's okay," he comforts you. "Just focus on me."

You follow his advice, and soon you feel a chilly sensation on your upper arm as Doctor Kim wipes the alcohol swab across your skin. Anticipating what's next, you shut your eyes tightly and hold your breath. You stifle a wince as the needle pierces your skin, refusing to sound like a child.

"All done," the doctor announces after applying a plaster to your arm. Opening your eyes, you see Wonwoo still watching you with concern. "Are you alright?" he asks, gently brushing his thumb over the back of your hand.

You manage a small nod. "I'm okay." Wonwoo smiles and gives you a gentle pat on the head. It's a simple gesture, yet it stirs all sorts of feelings within you. This prompts Mingyu to clear his throat, and you shift your attention back to the doctor.

"You'll feel better soon. You've just been really stressed lately," he says. "Let me write you a prescription for your headache, and then you’ll be good to go. Make sure to rest and try not to worry too much."

"I will, thank you, Doctor Kim."

He looks up from his prescription pad. "You can just call me Min—wait, how old are you again?"

"I'm twenty-one."

"Just like Hana," he smiles fondly, leaving you curious about her identity. "You can call me Mingyu oppa, then," he adds.

“Oppa my ass," Wonwoo snorted. "She doesn’t even call me oppa.”

"Well, that’s your issue," the doctor retorts.

"Are we finished or not?" Wonwoo asks impatiently.

"Here," the doctor hands you a piece of paper to take to the pharmacy. "Get well soon, pretty."

"Thank you, oppa," you tease, bursting into giggles as Wonwoo groans. He frowns at you. "I’m older than you too; why don’t you ever call me oppa?"

You shrug. "Maybe because you don’t act like one to me." The doctor snickers, while Wonwoo scowls. "What does an oppa behave like, exactly?"

"Like a man? I suppose."

He raises an eyebrow. "Are you implying that I act like a child?"

You flash him a playful grin, gasping as he hooks his foot around your stool leg and pulls you closer. With his arms brushing against yours, he leans in, whispering near your ear.

"Should I take you home and show you just how manly I can be?" he murmurs. Mingyu must have overheard because he started spluttering.

"You're disgusting, Wonwoo..." he coughs between words. Your face flushes bright red, and you smack him lightly on the chest in retaliation. Wonwoo grins at your embarrassment.

"Let’s head home, baby." He takes your hand and leads you toward the door.

"Wonwoo," the doctor calls just as he’s about to open the door. Wonwoo releases your hand and turns to face his friend. "Yeah?"

"Hana is back," Mingyu says.

A tense silence ensues as you glance between the two men. "Oh, how is she doing?" Wonwoo asks, his tone serious, heightening your curiosity.

Who is she? A friend, perhaps?

"She’s... she’s doing well," Mingyu replies. "We should catch up soon. Are you free to join us for the gathering this Sunday at Chan’s place?" You look at Wonwoo, waiting for his response. His silence suggests he’s unsure, maybe even reluctant.

"It’s been a while, Jeon; she really misses you," Mingyu encourages. "Joshua and the rest will be there too."

"Sure...," Wonwoo consents. "I’ll be there."

As he leads you out of the room, you notice a shift in his demeanor; he seems unusually quiet. Unable to hold back your curiosity any longer, you ask, "Who’s Hana?"

"His little sister," is all he replies. Your thoughts drift to this person named Hana. You picture her as beautiful, just like her handsome brother, and wonder about their relationship and why Wonwoo hesitated to accept Mingyu's dinner invitation. 

Did something happen between them?

While your curiosity is piqued, you remind yourself that it’s not your business. If Wonwoo wants you to know, he will tell you. So, you push those thoughts aside and head to the pharmacy to pick up your meds. By the time you leave Mingyu's clinic, the sky has darkened. Whatever the doctor injected must've worked wonders because you feel less lethargic as Wonwoo leads you to his car.

"You have a nice car," you say absent-mindedly, smoothing your hand over the sleek dashboard.

"Do you want one?" he asks, turning to gauge your reaction.

"Wh-what?" you squeak. How could he ask that so casually? This car must be incredibly expensive. But then again, this man is loaded. "No," you quickly add. "I don’t even know how to drive."

"You can learn," he replies.

Getting a driver's license is on your bucket list this year, and the thought of checking that off makes you excited. "Will you... teach me?" you ask hesitantly, considering how busy he has been lately.

"Of course," he says. "How about we start this Sunday?"

You can’t contain your excitement as you respond, "Okay."

He smiles at your enthusiasm, then hesitates, as if unsure about something.

"What is it, Wonwoo?" you encourage.

"Do you want to come with me to the gathering this Sunday night?"

"The one Mingyu invited you to?" you ask, tilting your head. He nods in agreement. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"I’d be thrilled if you could. I’ve been wanting to introduce you to my friends, but I know being around a group makes you uncomfortable. So, you don’t have to say yes if it doesn’t feel right."

You smile at his rambling, and he seems to realize it too, smiling shyly as he rubs the back of his neck. It’s a side of him you haven’t seen before—refreshing and endearing.

"Yes, Wonwoo, I’ll be there for you," you say willingly, knowing you might feel anxious that day, but also trusting that Wonwoo will be there. He returns your smile with gratitude. "Thank you."

The car falls into a comfortable silence as you gaze out the window, enjoying the night view of the city lights. There’s something romantic about it, and you swear you feel a flutter every time you catch Wonwoo’s reflection in the side window as he glances at you.

When the car stops at a red light, you feel the warmth of Wonwoo’s hand on your thigh, startling you. You look down at his hand, then back up to find his gaze fixed on you.

"What do you want for dinner?" he asks, lightly tapping your skin with his index finger. Amidst your nervousness, you focus and respond.

"Can we get McDonald's?"

"You're still sick, baby," he gives your thigh a gentle squeeze.

"Let’s get something healthier, okay?" You nearly start hyperventilating. You’re unsure about the sudden affection he’s showing today. All the contact feels intimate, making your stomach flip.

"Should we get something with soup instead?" he suggests, pulling you from your thoughts. "I know a place that serves great Samgyetang."

"Yeah," you nod. "That sounds good."

Wonwoo acknowledges that he’s being unusually touchy today, but he knows he has nothing to lose. Time is short, and with uncertainty looming over the next three weeks, he doesn’t want to waste any moments with you.

He can’t deny that his feelings for you have deepened, especially after spending the day together. This is why he needs to know if you're comfortable with his advances, as eventually, he wants more. First, he wants to kiss you, then take you to his bed and explore all the things he's dreamed of doing with you.

Baby steps. He reminds himself. You don’t want to scare her off. Presently, you and Wonwoo are in the lift, heading to the Korean restaurant on the top floor. He glances down at your hands, still intertwined.

"Truth or Dare?" he initiates. You look up at him and smile softly, warming his heart as he realizes you must have missed playing this silly game as much as he does.

"Dare," you choose. It’s not the answer Wonwoo expected, but that’s fine; he has a plan. With a slow smirk spreading across his face, he says, "Call me Wonwoo oppa." You make a face of disgust at his request.

"I changed my mind. Truth." Even better, Wonwoo thinks.

He looks down at your hands again. "Do you like this?" He lifts them to his chest. "Me holding your hand—do you like it?" You take a moment to think, wrestling with different answers before finally nodding and murmuring, "Yes."

Wonwoo feels like he’s just won a trophy. “I love holding your hand too,” he wants to shout in victory, but that would be too much.

God, this girl is driving me crazy.

Who would have thought that a guy like him would be so excited over something as simple as hand-holding? It’s not even about sex. He chuckles and shakes his head at himself.

You give him a curious frown. "Are you okay?"

"Do you miss Uni?" he deflects your question. "Your friends... they’re all in LA, right?"

"I do miss learning, but I don’t miss living there," you reply, a hint of sadness in your smile. "It’s quite lonely there."

Something about that tugs at his heartstrings. He doesn’t want you to feel lonely. "What about your friends?"

"I only have one close friend, Vernon." There’s warmth in your voice when you mention him. "But he’s not in the same classes as me, so we don’t see each other often. We call every day, though."

"That’s good," Wonwoo smiles. "You’ll make more friends this Sunday. Joshua and the others will probably bring their girlfriends."

You look unsure, and he senses your self-doubt. "They’re all good people," he assures. "You’ll like them, and I know they’ll like you too." Just like I do.

You smile shyly. "I hope so."

𓂃۶ৎ

Do you know that feeling you get when you are in the last chapter of a good book? That longing for more? That feeling of not wanting to say goodbye? You feel the same way when you walk down the hallway towards your room with Wonwoo beside you. Though it is rather presumptuous of you to say, you'd like to believe that Wonwoo feels the same way, too. Because even if he isn't talking, he is walking slower than usual, as if he doesn't want to say goodbye to you and to this night.

Today has been a special one for the both of you. A lot has happened in the past hours spent together. And if there's one thing you realize you realize that your feelings for Wonwoo are growing. There's no point denying it anymore because it is there. Although you can't help the fear that grips you every time you think about the possibility of him leaving. But is it so wrong to hope for a happy ending? For once you just want to throw caution to the wind and enjoy what is given to you in this moment.

"We're here," Wonwoo announces as we reach the end of the hallway where your room is.

You turn to stare up at him. "Thank you for today." you smile, leaving a moment of still silence before you add, "And dinner… I had a great time."

"Me too." The silence continues to stretch as he drops his gaze to your mouth and lingers. The butterflies in your belly started flapping their wings all at once. You watch as he swallows and somewhere inside, you're hoping he would kiss you or make a move of some sort. But… He lifts his gaze and lets go of your hand. "You should get some rest."

You feel a pang of disappointment at the sudden loss of contact. You're confused. One moment he is being all touchy, and the next moment he is pulling back like this.

"I’m going for a swim," He says. "I'll be at the pool if you need me."

You force a smile. "Good night, Wonwoo."

"Rest well, baby."

You enter your room and close the door behind you, exhaling. What was this sudden awkwardness and hesitation between us? You wonder to yourself as you walk into the bathroom.

After a long shower, you get in bed and try to get yourself to sleep but your mind doesn't seem to allow you to. You are still confused, and frustrated. And as you lay there in silence, it suddenly occurs to you that there is a possibility Wonwoo might think you're inexperienced when it comes to sex. You remember him asking about it before; if you're a virgin, and you had refused to answer. He must've thought so, of course, considering how you always get all shy and jitterish every time he touches you. 

You sit up in bed, a hopeful smile spreading across your face when every thought in your head seems to fall into place. So this is why Wonwoo has been so unsure to make a move. Because he doesn't want to scare you off. Because he is waiting for you to be ready. Something warm moves through your chest. 

What a sweet soul he is. Has he always been this way? Or are you only discovering this side of him because you've fallen for him?

You hop off the bed, feeling unsure and nervous, yet there's this longing so deep that it is making your heart pound. You've never moved so fast in your life as you hurry to change into your nude colored bathing suit before putting on a bathrobe. You give your appearance a quick check in the mirror before striding out of your room. Rushing down the stairs, you ponder through the things you are going to say to Wonwoo when you see him. In the midst of your nervousness, you can't think of anything. So you can only hope that you'll find the right words to say when you see him, soon.

The sliding door that leads to the backyard pool is left slightly ajar. You hear the splashing sound of the water as you step out into the open. The backyard is slightly dim but you easily catch sight of Wonwoo's naked back. Your gaze slides along his bare shoulders and you feel your stomach clenches at how broad his physique is. He has his upper arms stretched along the pool ledge, staring thoughtfully up at the starry sky. You wonder what, or who is in his mind at this very moment, and you find yourself praying that it is you he is thinking about. 

You glance down at yourself. Your hands, they are slightly trembling as you untie the knot of your robe, letting it fall freely over your shoulders to the ground. Staring down at your semi-naked self, doubt washes over you instantly. What if Wonwoo doesn't like what he sees. You are sure he has been with many women before, and for a guy as attractive as him, he must have high standards. You feel the sudden urge to run away, back into your bedroom and hide, but it's too late now because when you lift your head, you realize Wonwoo is already staring.

Your breath catches when you meet his eyes. He stares at your features first, then slowly, his gaze drops and drags down to your body, drinking every inch of you. The air around you suddenly feels so thick, and your heart nearly bursts as you watch the lump in his throat rise and fall.

You clear your throat softly to get him to look at your face, and he did. There is tenderness mixed with desire in his eyes, and you're both thrilled and unsure. 

"Can I join you?" your voice came out soft.

Wonwoo takes a moment to process your question, then he says, "The water is freezing, baby, I don't want you to get sick again." You press the back of your hand on your neck, checking your body temperature. "My fever has gone down. I'm feeling much better now.”

"Get in then." He says, turning his head around to face the water again.

You walk over to the poolside and lower yourself into a squatting position. Wonwoo feels your presence close to him that made him turn his head towards you again. He keeps his eyes on you as you dip your legs into the water before sliding your body in. The water rises all the way to your collarbone and you shiver at the sudden cold sensation that runs through your body.

"Told you it's cold," Wonwoo mumbles. "Come here, baby." He reaches for your hand underwater and moves you to stand with your back to him.

Butterflies take flight in your stomach. What surprises you most is when he wraps his arms around your waist as he hugs you from behind. “Better?” His whispers in your ear.

"Yeah," you breathe, and despite your racing heart, you let your body relax in his hold.

“I was hoping you'd come and you did." he rests his chin on top of your head. "Did you read my mind, mmh?"

You huff softly. "I can hear you calling my name from up there." Wonwoo chuckles. "Why did you come here though? Can't sleep?"

You hum, leaving a beat of silence before you confess, "I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"Me too." He says. "I think about you all the time.”

You let out a soft breath as a soft smile tugs at your lips. Here in the quiet, the beating of his heart sounded so clear in your ears, and so do yours. Glancing to your side and up, you find him gazing up at the sky again, seemingly in deep thoughts. In the dimness of the night, the moonlight illuminates his features, strands of wet hair fall over his forehead, and you take the opportunity to study his handsome face. Wonwoo musť've felt you staring because he is lowering his gaze to look at you now. You suddenly feel shy by his closeness, by the soft way he is staring at you. 

"What did you do these past few days when I was gone?" He asks out of nowhere, the question random as if he's trying to defuse the thick tension in the air.

"I did a lot of thinking and worrying..." you huff and shake your head. He turns you around to make you look at him. "Worrying about what?"

Your answer might come off silly to him but you decided to be honest. "I thought you were purposely avoiding me because of the kiss...because you didn't enjoy kissing me."

A frown marred his expression. "That's what you were worrying about?"

You show him a small embarrassed smile before dropping your gaze to stare at his chest. "Silly, I know."’

Wonwoo grips your chin and gently tilts your head up, making you look at him again. “That might not be the best kiss, I know, but I enjoyed it." He claims. "I enjoyed kissing you so much I want to do it again," He lowers his gaze to your mouth and swipes the back of his thumb over your bottom lip. "I want to do it now...if you'd let me…” 

You blink up at him, the surprise causes your lips to part a little. Wonwoo gazes at you expectantly, waiting for your approval. Then you nod, and that small gesture brings a soft smile to his face. He leans closer and weaves his fingers through your hair. Your eyes flutter close and the butterflies take flight in your stomach when he presses his lips on your lips.

Unlike the first time he kissed you, his mouth is moving more skillfully, more firmly this time. You slide your hands up to the back of his neck and return his kiss with equal passion. He groans into your mouth, the tip of his tongue sweeps across the seam of your lips, and you part your mouth in an invitation. Without hesitation, his tongue slides into your mouth to meet yours, and you make a whimpering sound when he bites down on your lower lip, tugging at it as he groans. 

His hold around your waist turns bruising and he roughly turns you around to back you against the pool wall. You gasp when he presses his body closer to you, his hands sliding down from your waist to the back of your thighs. You instinctively wrap your legs around his hips, and your chest emerges from the water with the elevation. His hard on is now positioned against your womanhood, and your body reacts in pure instinct, grinding yourself against him with no inhibition. 

He grunts into your mouth and from there, the kiss quickly turns wet and dirty. You continue grinding yourself against him, and soon the ache between your legs is getting unbearable. You need more, but to your dismay, Wonwoo pulls his mouth away from you. 

You blink at him, panting and confused. "W-why did you stop?” His face is contorted as though he is restraining himself from something. What though?

"If we don't stop," he says, his voice a hoarse whisper. "I'll end up fucking you in this pool and I can't promise l'll be gentle with you, baby.."

“It's okay," your answer came so quickly it surprised him. You bite your lips in a shy smile. "I mean… you don't have to be gentle with me, Wonwoo."

"I don't want to hurt you…” He worries and you smooth your hands over his bare chest, feeling his heartbeat under your fingertips. His eyes flared, and it's making your heart drums with nervous excitement. "I don't know if you know this but I’m not a virgin anymore, so you don't have to, you know, hold back with me."

Wonwoo looks more amused than surprised by your admission. The corner of his lips curled up into a grin. "Are you telling me you like it hard, baby?" Your cheek flares up and he lets out a huff when he notices it. 

"Is that why you came to me wearing this?" He lowered his gaze to your bathing suit. You nod. 

"Do you like it?"

"I've never seen anything so beautiful," One of his hands hikes up your waistline, cupping your breast before tugging the neckline of your bathing suit to the side until your nipple is exposed. 

You swallow heavily. "You're too good to be true, baby…" He glances up, watching you with heated eyes as he rubbed his thumb over your bud. "Do you like it when I touch you here, mmh?" He ended his question with a light pinch on your bud.

You expel a soft moan and Wonwoo takes it as a yes. He keeps his piercing gaze on you as he lowers his head to take your nipple into his hot mouth, his tongue twirling around the tip, teasing you for a while before he draws it in between his teeth in one long pull.

"W-Wonwoo.." you squeeze your legs tighter around his hips, feeling his erection poking deeper against your woman parts. The friction coaxes a low grunts out of him. He lifts his head from your chest to meet your gaze, his eyes smoldered with desire. His free hand is now coasting along your inner thigh, hiking up until his thumb is pressing over your underwear. He pulled the hem aside to reveal your pussy. 

"What about this?" He starts to rub his thumb over your clit continuously in a tormentingly slow manner.

"More..." you beg breathily. "Please...," a moan slips when he thrusts two fingers inside you, keeping his eyes on you as he fulfills your wish for more. Your inner wall clenches around his digit with each push.

"So fucking tight..." he murmurs low under his breath as he works his finger in and out of you in a lazy manner. "How long has it been since the last time you're fucked, baby?"

Through your lust-filled haze, you can't even bring yourself to think. So you thoughtlessly mutter, "It's been a while." 

His free hand trails from the side of your neck, up, to cup your face, "So delicate and beautiful," his voice thick, brimming with lust as he caresses your cheekbone. "Makes me want to protect and ruin you all at the same time," he let out deep chuckles. "Is that even possible?"

His hand disappears into your hair, and he leans in to kiss you sweet and slow, while his other hand continues to fuck your pussy, as sweet and slowly as his kiss. Although his touch brings pleasure to your body, it isn't enough to relieve that overwhelming ache between your legs, if possible, it only worsens it, making you more needy and desperate. So needy you start whining and moaning to beg for more. So desperate you start rocking your hips against his fingers to take control.

Wonwoo's fingers make a fist around your hair and he tugs it back, making your lips to detach from his. He looks into your eyes, his gaze dark and intense. "Stop it or I'll stop." He warns you. 

You still and nod timidly, surprised to discover this dominant side of him, but even more surprised by your own submission. You didn't know you have it in you, considering how much you despise him ordering you around. But maybe it's different during sex, because you find it such a turn on when he takes control like this.

"Good girl," Wonwoo whispers his praise over your mouth. “Now tell me what you want, baby."

You drop your gaze to the hard-on underneath his black swim shorts. Although you can't see it well due to it being underwater, you can feel it damn well and Wonwoo gets the message. He hums and pulls his fingers out of your tight hole, causing a small gasp to fall from your lips. You loosen your thighs around his hips so he could remove his swim shorts. Your breathing slows when he wraps his fingers around the base of his cock. His jaw clenched as he gives it a few pumps before he slaps it hard over your pussy, drawing a lewd purr out of you.

Wonwoo brings his eyes up to stare at you, his dark pupils dilating. "I was planning to take it nice and slow today," He starts rubbing the tip of his cock over your slit and watches as you squirm against him.

"But you...God, you are one hell of a temptation to resist, aren't you?"

“Wonwoo, please.." your breath comes out ragged. "I don't think I can take it any- fuck!" The air is knocked out of you when he roughly slams his cock into you, stretching you so good you cry out a lewd sound of pleasure. You feel so full you can barely breathe, and he isn't even fully inside you yet.

Wonwoo drops his head to your shoulder and you feel his warm heavy pants fanning against your skin. "Baby, you're so tight my cock can barely fit," Wonwoo breathes out harshly and moans when you unconsciously squeeze around his cock. He lifts his head from your shoulder and plants his hand on the pool edge on each side of you.

Your heart nearly beats out of your chest when Wonwoo holds you in his gaze. His jaw is tight and you notice the bulging veins around his neck. He looks so masculine, so thoroughly turned on, and knowing that it is you who made him like this gives you a sense of ease and a little boost of confidence. 

Feeling bolder now, you lean forward to put your mouth close to his ear. "Wonwoo." you whisper, parting your lips to pull his earlobe in between your teeth. "Fuck me, please, I can't wait any longer…”

"Jesus," He curses roughly. And when you lean back to stare at him, the heat in his brown eyes is growing hotter. "Where is this side of you coming from?" You chew your bottom lip through a smile. "I think you bring it out of me.”

“Fuck, you're so hot," he says hoarsely, moaning a little when your pussy clenched around his cock. "Hold on to me, baby." He orders, so you do as told, sliding your hands up and slinging them around his shoulder. He presses his lips in a thin line as he slides his cock out of you, leaving just the tip inside you. And with a grunt, he slams his cock deep inside you, until you are hugging every throbbing inch of him. Your fingers dig into his back in a reflex as he lets out a low guttural sound from the back of his throat.

He leans forward to capture your mouth in a hard kiss, and then he is pounding into you, driving his dick deep inside you mercilessly. It almost feels like he's going to rip you apart because he is so big, and you'd never been fucked so hard like this. With each thrust, the water sloshes all around and you are pushed harder against the wall. 

You are a mess of moans and whimpers, and if it wasn't for the kiss that's muffling your lewd voice, you'll likely wake the housekeepers from their slumbers.

"How does my cock make you feel, sweetheart?" He whispers through a husky groan as he pumps his thick length in and out of you.

"So good," you say breathlessly over his mouth. "You make me feel so good, Wonwoo."

His thrusts are becoming quicker and harder now. He is fucking you as if he is losing control of himself, like he's a wild animal let loose of its cage. A beast unleashed. And it wasn't long until you feel that knot coiling up in your stomach

“Wonwoo," you panted heavily. "I-I'm close."

“I know, baby," He slips his hand under your stomach. He presses his thumb on your clit and pulls back to watch as he starts rubbing it aggressively. "Cum, cum for me."

A cry, almost a scream tears out of you as your body quakes and shudders against him. Your walls are convulsing around him but he didn't stop pounding his cock into you. Soon enough, you feel him swelling inside you as his orgasm nears. His long, guttural groan sounded in your ears, and with one last thrust, he jerks against you and unloads his cum into your pussy. 

“Fuck," Wonwoo grunts harshly before he slumps into you. He drops his head to your shoulder as breathes heavily. Your thighs loosen around his hips and you drop your legs to the pool tiles, too languid to hold them up. As you try to moderate your breathing, reality begins to sink. Wonwoo has just cummed inside of you, without protection. Fear grips you tight in your chest. 

"Wonwoo," you pat on his back and speak into his ear. "...we didn't use a condom."

He lifts his head, his chest inflating and deflating as he tries to regain his composure. "Don't worry, I'm clean." He finally says.

"It's not that," you explain. "I'm not on the pill." Wonwoo considers it calmly, as if you didn't just tell him the 'news' most men fear the most. 

"One time is probably okay." He assures. "But if you end up pregnant, I promise I'll take care of you...and our baby."

Your heart soars. "Our… baby?" you voice out softly, half in disbelief, half liking how the words sounded when he said it. 

"I just filled my sperm in your vagina, whose baby would it be if it's not ours?"

Your body shook as you laughed. No one you know has ever used the word 'sperm' and 'vagina' in a sentence. God, you really adore this funny and sexy man. You give him a smile. "You know it's funny how we do things the reverse way."

"Reverse way?"

You nod. "Usually, people fall in love first before they get married and make babies, but for us...it's the other way around."

"I don't think so," Wonwoo disagrees. "Because I think l've passed the first step."

"First step?" you ask. "What do you mean?" His answer is to lean in and kiss you. Sweet and softly. A complete opposite to the wild pool sex the two of you just had. The kiss lasted for a while before he pulled back to stare at you. His eyes hold so much emotion that it is making your heart rate go overdrive.

"When I got home today," He starts. "for a moment there, I had this bad feeling that you were gone, that you left me... and it scared me so much, baby." The expression in his eyes is something close to pain. "I know we don't have much time together, and I know if you decide not to marry me, I can't force you to stay...but if you leave, sweetheart… I'd be so broken because you,'" He sucks in a shaky breath. "You're starting to mean everything to me.”

You're starting to mean everything to me…

Your eyes roam over his face to search for any trace of mischief, or deception maybe, but there's none. He is being truthful. God. You are hit by a wave of emotions so intense you know you will likely burst into tears. "I..." Your lips part and unpart, trying to form a word but nothing comes out.

A look of understanding laces his eyes and he smiles. "It's okay, sweetheart. You don't have to say anything if you're not ready.” 

Unlike Wonwoo, you are not someone who is good at expressing your feelings. But he has just shown you parts of him, and you know it is only right if you do too.

“I can't give you an answer yet because... honestly, I don't know it myself," you explain. "Marriage is a big thing and needs time to figure things out, Won," your hand moves up to cup his face. 

"What I can tell you is, you mean something to me, and the thought of losing you scares me too." That brings a hopeful smile to his face. "Does that mean you'll stay?" He asks.

"Yes, Wonwoo." you return his smile. "I'Il stay as long as you want me to.”

𓂃۶ৎ

[lcvelust]

Normalcy / The Black Brothers

Regulus couldn’t forgive his brother to an extent.

“Reg? Reg!” You called through the quiet night, panting as you placed your hands on your knees; the chilly air making your skin crawl after it had burned from your sprint. You stared at Regulus as puffs of air escaped you in mists of white, feet propelling onto the ground as if you’d been frosted over.

“What’re you doing..? What– who’s that?” You breathlessly whispered, eyes digging into the back of the unknown person’s head.

Regulus looked as if he was in denial, specks of fear lining his irises that held that of a fog on a cloudy day, his perfectly arched brows furrowed in confusion. Words were stuck in his throat, hesitance clear as day through his thinned lips, tongue unwilling to unravel.

“Siri?”

He muttered into the stillness of the land, voice as fragile as a thread that was ready to snap at any given moment. His stomach twisted painfully as he forced the syllables out of his mouth, acidic, his heart twinging at the prospect of what his brother had done.

Slowly, the figure turned, its black hood gently falling to his shoulders. His long, raven hair flowed freely in the breeze, toppled with snow as it cascaded down his face that was masked from the kiss of the wind— the intricate wood carvings of his vizard shining bright under the dim moonlight.

You could only watch in shock as the expression on Regulus’ face morphed instantly, the visible fright that he wore melting into one of loathing. A sneer replaced the frown that had etched itself upon his lips, an emotion that both him and Sirius had grown all too familiar with.

He had glared with so much intensity that in a flurry of time, your eyes blurred, for the familiar face of Orion Black, though he couldn’t have been physically there, was dizzying.

Regulus snapped you out of your daze before the image of their father completely slithered into your brain to sink its fangs into your thoughts, jabbing at Sirius’ chest harshly, caring not of his surroundings. “What do you think you’re doing, parading into an assembly like that?”

“Reggie..”

“You could’ve been killed. You’re most fortunate the Dark Lord knows not of your presence.” Regulus locked eyes with Sirius angrily, the snow swirling between the three of you in furious gusts seemingly battling him of his rage.

He hadn’t even let Sirius retaliate before he continued on, spite blossoming on the pits of his chest, a gaping hole instead of a heart that beats. “Ever since we were kids, you’ve been so defiant of our parent’s ideologies. How come you’ve changed your views so suddenly?” He challenged, “how much longer are you going to keep pretending?”

Sirius’ hands balled into fists, his patience fraying like old fabric. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he thought. The wind howled, whispering in his ears like a dull mantra, but it felt nothing compared to the tempest raging inside of him. “Just let me explain, please,” he let out desperately, his voice low and steady, dripping with a lack of venom that his brother had used against him.

Sirius hadn’t waited for a response, stepping forward before grabbing Regulus on the arm with a grip that was that of a vice; unyielding.

With a wave of his wand, his mask disappeared off and into the air, a vulnerability glittering in his eyes he had never dared muster in Grimmauld. “Don’t be mad,”

“How couldn’t I be?” Regulus asked, a quiver of his lips present. His eyes didn’t brim with tears easily, he had valiantly fought back: you will yourself to look between them. You wish you hadn’t. The grief that swam in their storms would be enough to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Though, for the first time in years, Sirius looked as if he had his mind set on something. He wanted— no, needed, for his brother to understand.

He had left him in that cruel house with so much anguish, so much hatred for the circumstances he was left in. Deep down, you both knew that it wasn’t Sirius’ fault, it never could’ve been. He’d experienced such abuse that it drove him out, walking out of his parent’s lives without looking back at anything he had ever needed to look after for and more. Closing the door to leave his little brother to fend for himself.

But everything had changed now, it was as obvious as the rising of the sun.

“I did this for you,” Sirius muttered gently, bunching up the black sleeve that hung to shield his left forearm from the cold. His fingers trembled, and with a deliberate motion, he revealed his pale skin that lay beneath the confines of the fabric, the Dark Mark branded in sinister detail.

Regulus seemed to choke back what sounded like a sob racking through his body, not believing of his older brother’s unbecoming. You held onto his shoulders.

“..Why?” He had forced out, the words tumbling out of his throat in a low, grating, voice— almost a screech he’d recognized to be akin to his mother’s. “Why do you keep doing this, Sirius? I don’t.. I can’t understand! You left me be, remember? Why are you suddenly back into my life, now, when I’ve learned to breathe without the thought of you suffocating me?”

Sirius stared at Regulus, his hand still resting on his brother’s arm, the cold seemingly pressing in on them from all sides, as if the world on itself was holding its breath.

“Reg,” Sirius whispered, his voice breaking just slightly, “I’m trying to protect you now, because I.. I know that I was wrong. So wrong.”

“You still are, Siri. There’s a possibility that I’d lose my brother a second time.” Regulus’ expression softened, just barely, before he turned away, his shoulders slumping. “And I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that.”

The snow continued to swirl around them, but for once, it felt like the moment was finally coming to a standstill.

“I don’t expect you to,” Sirius said quietly, his voice steady despite the turmoil of emotions mushing with the organs inside of his stomach. “But, it’s better me than you. I’ve failed at protecting you once; and I’m here for a chance to redeem myself, I’ll be here for as long as you’ll let me. I won’t leave you again, Regulus. I swear it.”

There was a long pause, and for a fleeting second, it felt like Regulus might say something more, but the moments passed with him gently prying Sirius’ hand off, letting the distance between the both of them grow once more as the night stretched on.

Sirius stood there, watching his brother disappear down the mountain with a tugging of his heartstrings, a throb from his mind. He looked pitiful. His brother was slipping through his fingers again, and he hadn’t quite held him close yet.

He turned to you, offering a faint, strained smile. “I thought I’d meet you again under vastly different circumstances. I’m sorry.” He spoke tenderly, a sliver of hurt threading through his words.

You nodded, the pain in your own heart too deep for you to find your voice. “It’s alright, Black. Forget it.”

Sirius’ gaze settled on your figure, a bitter chuckle escaping him. “I ought to.”

[jams-sims]

I understand Octiva so well and feel bad for her. I think she getting some unneeded heat. Stolas did abandon her, shes not the audeince memeber. She doesn't get to see how he struggled. All she knows is her dad was deeply unhappy, was on medication she had no clue about. She knew the marriage was bad but whos to say, she doesn't just see that as normal rich parent bullshit.

Then without warning on national tv he rennounces his money and status for his boyfriend. An shove you onto the back burner- this is where stolas piss poor commuication skills doesnt just start with Blitz but extends to other relationships in his life.

Because from Via point of view thats fucking insane. The guy your dad has been in an off again on again relationship is now his boyfriend for real. You've known this guy as your fathers body garud, and you had ONE conversation with this guys daughter and that was pretty cool. But otherwise ypu have no idea the shit your dad is going through. She basically watched her father in court say fucking everything and everyone take all of it. Stella can have all of my money and take the house. Then a month later realized he should have added an asterick and went

'Stella can have everything but i want custody of my daughter.'

Would it have been messy to lowkey invite your daughter over to your new mans house right after the divorce aYES but ya'll are already messy to begin with.

Also Stolas should have just talked to his daughter at some point, any point, to explain to her his situation better. Should he have told her everything NO god no. At least telling her that he was unhappy in his marriage earlier on would have saved him a lot of grief. Could she have come up with the same mindset, that she is just a burden, yes. But at least then he has a stepping stone foundation, to prove her wrong by coming to get her.

Also I think next season, there should be maybe a few episodes dedicated to Blitz showing up for Stolas daughter. Octavia is younger than Luna and she's very much still connected to her parents and Blitz wants someone he can be a father to fully. Loona Loves Blitz but she is still almost a grown-ass woman. Clearly not as young as Octivia- I think if Blitz had a connection, with her it would null out the narrative that he stole her father from her. I think Blitz would be more upset that a child thinking, he would hurt them than anything else. Especially, someone so close to the man that he is in love with.

[ilikekidsshows]

This is related to something mentioned on one of your asks (apologies if you did talk about it and I just didn't understand) but do you think calling Adrien a sexual harasser is comparable to calling Marinette a bad leader in terms of criticizing characters?

--

This is literally what I meant with my big rant on people who use “it's all just bad writing” to sweep aside bigger and bigger problems with the show. We're all used to excusing some level of bad writing from this show, but, like, usually people have a threshold for how much bullshit they're willing to swallow. I could excuse Cat Noir not getting the hint, just like I could excuse Marinette following Adrien everywhere and knowing his schedule (this is the actual equivalent point of comparison). They were quirky about it. Ladynoir was mutually flirty even if Cat Noir was too serious with it sometimes, and Marinette's nonsense was often funny. I mostly treated the stalker/harasser takes as opinions. I could see why people would view the characters that way, but I could see enough outside it to look past it. It was beneath my bullshit threshold.

“Marinette does practically everything wrong on screen but we praise her for things she didn't do so she did everything right actually” is past my bullshit threshold. You can't show the exact opposite of what you mean on screen and then claim something different is going on. Ladybug treats her teammates with different expectations, her rules are situational and conditional, she picks favorites, she keeps valuable information from her teammates, making it harder for them to do their jobs. Her failures directly lead to bad consequences. But, because she cried about it and was instantly forgiven while taking no steps to improve, that means she's actually the greatest superhero and leader ever. Like, that's a big plate full of bullshit and I’m done eating it.

Also, like, we really need to take the level of my personal betrayal into account when it comes to willingness to swallow bullshit. Like, Marinette being a bad leader and a terrible hero wouldn't bother me nearly as much if she wasn't also an abuse apologist. Marinette, when faced with the choice between doing what Adrien's abuser wanted and considering literally anyone else's opinion on what Adrien might need or want, picked the abuser’s opinion. Marinette picked Adrien's abuser over him. Like, if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be near this angry. If Astruc hadn't smugly tweeted about how perfectly this decision ties in with her choice in The Bubbler, retroactively ruining one of my favorite episodes for me, I wouldn't be looking back at all of Marinette's failings and seeing how they led her to that moment. The writers practically invited me to do so. Even fans who still adore the show and Marinette think Marinette turning to abuse apologia makes sense. A lot of Marinette's character flaws lead to her making that choice.

Stalking Adrien > disregard towards Adrien's personhood > not considering what Adrien would want when she makes excuses for Gabriel

Lying/secret-keeping > constantly keeping things from people when the truth makes her uncomfortable or look bad > lies about Gabriel because she thinks it will make Adrien's emotional reaction less volatile

Repeatedly insisting kids are safe with their parents regardless of evidence to the contrary > discounting victims’ testimonies > trusting Gabriel's opinion on how Adrien should be treated

Unequal leadership > treating people as objects to be controlled instead of equals to negotiate with > thinking she even has the right to lie to Adrien about his dad

As you can see, a lot of the patterns of Marinette's flaws lean on attitudes that explain almost too perfectly why Marinette would trust Adrien's confirmed abuser's opinion on things relating to Adrien, even when she sees the sensory deprivation chamber Gabriel put Adrien in. Almost all of the bad writing choices regarding Marinette now connect to one of the worst, if not the worst, moments of the entire series so far. And, because it's all so interconnected and all-encopassing to Marinette's character now that I can't just ignore it. I can't ignore any part of it. The writers are making me question Marinette's integrity all the way back in the first season, because many of her flaws were already established from the start of the series.

In addition to all this, Miraculous functions on Protagonist-Centered Morality, aka, the things the protagonist does are meant to be seen as the morally good thing to do or at least a valid choice even when the consequences are "unexpectedly" bad. Adrien’s “harassment” is never framed as the right way to act, but Marinette’s abuse apologia, disrespect of Adrien’s personhood and abuses of power as team leader are all treated as morally being on the same ground as not doing those things. “Lying to him or telling him the truth will lead to very different consequences with their share of happy and sad moments,” my ass.

Adrien being a sexual harasser, Marinette being a stalker, Marinette being a bad leader and hero and Marinette’s abuse apologia are all bad writing, but not all bad writing is written equally bad, if you catch my drift.

[maidreveon]

Let's talk about Hakon as a character. I don't have any education or sufficient knowledge in the field of creating a good plot for a work, but my reasoning is based on the knowledge that I have. During the game, Hakon as a character goes a long way (if you save him). At first, he seems to us like a good guy who saved Aiden's life, helps in every possible way. He is cunning, not very honest, but kind. Everything changes when Aiden learns about the scars from Lazarus - it suddenly turns out that our good friend Hakon worked as a double agent for a long time, betrayed a lot of people, and even Aiden felt betrayed because of hiding the truth about Waltz and Mia. From Lawan and Frank, we learn more details about how Hakon betrayed the Nightrunners. Then there is the meeting in the church - I think this is a very important part of his character arc, because it is here that if Aiden does not want to fight him, if he saved him in Villedore, if he gave the TV tower to Frank, we, as an audience, finally learn the truth. Hakon did not have to explain himself, tell how everything was from his point of view, because Aiden is unlikely to believe him after everything that happened, but he tells and really wants to convey his truth. Or maybe he needed to talk to someone. This scene is Hakon's confession. And I always end this mission the way I think is right - I stop Lawan. Hakon found someone who listened to him, who believed him, WHO GAVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE. Gave hope that Hakon can still fix something. Then Hakon comes to Frank - also an important part of his arc, he sees that Aiden did not lie. Frank, it seems to me, has long understood that Hakon was not guilty of the death of the Nightrunners. Frank's reaction to Hakon makes it clear that he has forgiven him. And for Hakon, this is really important, because the death of the Runners weighed heavily on his soul all these long years. Hakon works with Aiden at X13, he even carries Aiden's sister away from the explosion. In one of the endings, Hakon leaves Villedor with Aiden, to the ocean. The end.I always had a feeling of incompleteness. Like something was wrong, something was missing. And I realized what I was missing. Redemption. Hakon had a confession, but not atonement. He admitted his mistakes, admitted his cowardice and was even ready to die, but that was it. But in real life, and in other works, this is not enough. You can't just admit your mistakes, especially such SERIOUS mistakes, and just move on. If this were a movie, I'm sure we would have seen a scene where Hakon shows through his actions that he understands everything, that he has actually started to CHANGE, to improve. I miss that, I want to see Hakon do something that proves he is trying to improve. I don't want him to just suddenly start living a quiet life after so many years of working for Waltz. I think a good option for him would be to face his enemy - Waltz. The man Hakon hates, the man he was forced to work for under threat of death. The one who I'm sure Hakon blamed for what happened to his life. I think what he needs to complete his character arc is at least a short fight with Waltz, for example, when Aiden is injured and needs to be protected, to buy a few minutes, or maybe to distract Waltz while Aiden tries to find a way to disable the missile launch/just save his sister, Hakon can even stand up for Lawan. It doesn't have to be a long fight, Hakon can lose this fight, the important thing is that Hakon was able to overcome his fear of this man. And all the sweet stuff in the form of a serious battle with Waltz and victory over him can be left to Aiden.

Поговорим о Хаконе, как о персонаже. У меня нет какого-то образования или достаточных знаний в сфере создания хорошего сюжета для произведения, но мои рассуждения основаны на тех знаниях, которые у меня есть. Во время игры Хакон как персонаж проходит большой путь(если спасать его). Сначала он представляется нам таким хорошим парнем, который спас жизнь Эйдену, всячески помогает. Он хитрый, не очень-то и честный, но добрый. Всё меняется, когда Эйден узнаёт про шрамы от Лазаря - вдруг оказывается, что наш добрый друг Хакон долгое время работал двойным агентом, предал кучу людей, и даже Эйден почувствовал себя преданным из-за сокрытия правды о Вальце и Мие. От Лоан и Фрэнка мы узнаем больше подробностей о том, как Хакон предал Ночных Бегунов. Затем идёт встреча в церкви - я считаю, это очень важная часть его арки персонажа, потому что именно здесь, если Эйден не хочет драться с ним, если спас его в Вилледоре, если отдал ТВ башню Фрэнку, мы, как зрители, наконец узнаём правду. Хакон не обязан был объясняться, рассказывать, как всё было с его точки зрения, ведь Эйден вряд ли поверит ему после всего, что было, но он рассказывает и правда хочет донести свою правду. А может, ему нужно было кому-то выговориться. Эта сцена - исповедь Хакона. И я всегда заканчиваю эту миссию так, как считаю правильным - останавливаю Лоан. Хакон нашёл того, кто его выслушал, кто поверил ему, КТО ДАЛ ВТОРОЙ ШАНС. Дал надежду на то, что что-то Хакон ещё может исправить. Далее Хакон приходит к Фрэнку - также важная часть его арки, он видит, что Эйден не соврал. Фрэнк, как мне кажется, давно понял, что Хакон не был виноват в гибели Ночных Бегунов. То, как Фрэнк реагирует на Хакона, даёт понять, что он простил его. И для Хакона это действительно важно, ведь смерть Бегунов тяжёлым грузом лежала на его душе все эти долгие годы. Хакон вместе с Эйденом работают в Х13, он даже уносит сестру Эйдена подальше от взрыва. В одной из концовок Хакон уходит из Вилледора вместе с Эйденом, к океану. Конец.У меня всегда было чувство незаконченности. Как будто, что-то не так, чего-то не хватает. И я поняла, чего мне не хватало. Искупления. У Хакона была исповедь, но не искупление. Он признал свои ошибки, признал свою трусость и даже был готов умереть, но на этом всё закончилось. А ведь в реальной жизни, да и в других произведениях этого недостаточно. Нельзя просто признать свои ошибки, причём такие СЕРЬЁЗНЫЕ ошибки и просто жить дальше. Если бы это был фильм, я уверена, мы бы увидели сцену, в которой Хакон показывает своими действиями, что он всё понял, что он действительно начал МЕНЯТЬСЯ, исправляться. Мне не хватает этого, я хочу увидеть, что Хакон делает что-то, что доказывает его старания исправиться. Я не хочу, чтобы он просто так, внезапно начал жить спокойно после стольких лет работы на Вальца. Я думаю, хорошим вариантом для него было бы столкновение с его врагом - Вальцем. Человек, которого Хакон ненавидит, на которого был вынужден работать под страхом смерти. Тот, кого Хакон, я уверена, винил в том, что случилось с его жизнью. Я думаю, для завершения арки персонажа ему не хватает хотя бы короткой драки с Вальцем, например, в момент, когда Эйден ранен и его нужно защитить, выиграть пару минут, а может, отвлечь Вальца, пока Эйден старается найти способ отключить запуск ракет/просто банально спасти сестру, Хакон даже может встать на защиту Лоан. Это не обязательно должен быть долгий бой, Хакон может проиграть в этом бою, важен сам факт того, что Хакон смог перебороть свой страх перед этим человеком. А всё самое сладенькое в виде серьёзной битвы с Вальцем и победы над ним, можно оставить Эйдену.

[crimmsonflower]

This is such a good analysis and reading of the mcd characters!

im a mcd garroth fan for life. he’s my little guy because I have a thing for characters who give their entire soul to their loved ones (totally not projecting). But I haven’t watched mcd in a while though so noticing details that really solidify characters personalities and ideals is great to see as a reference

I really agree with your analysis of garroth. With how I view canon and a bit of headcanons. Garroth’s role as a protector and provider is so important to him and is the foundation of his character. I’ve always thought of garroth to be a romantic, someone who holds hope for an idealized view of love, so his possessiveness of aph is built off that fairytale love (that doesn’t make the weird shit better but yeah). The idea of soulmates, on true love, someone loving you will be what rescues you. I read a post here that said garroth viewed marriage/love as his escape and then marriage being weaponised has him run away, and that completely altered my brain chemistry+my perception of garroth (I’ll link it if I find it again)

these are interesting and well noted inferences. Understanding garroth as a lawful good character and someone who abused by his law code was like wow! Like oh that makes so much sense with his character and I subconsciously knew that but it never fully surfaced. Laurdad and the parallels between him and Malachi is something I never caught onto actually. You really surfaced ideas that were there in my mind but were just below the waves.

I’m really surprised that you managed to find a reasoning for garroth’s betrayal that did not make me want to hurl. I’ve always seen it as bad writing, still kind of think it cause I doubt it was written to fit, but you’ve managed to explain it in a way that fits him so well. This was such a fun read and really makes me want to rewatch mcd so I can take my own notes on everything. I can’t wait to see another one, continuing on with garroth or focusing more on other characters! The Aphmau and Aaron analysis were interesting because I don’t think about them that deeply

It’s time for part 2 of my in-depth character analysis of Garmau, Laurmau, and Garrance relationship dynamics and development!! Part one is here, and this is a very very long post, just like last time. I am going to go until I hit the image limit of a single tumblr post. With no time to waste, let’s jump straight back into it!

Something that occurred to me after I posted the first part was an idea about Garroth’s decision to create the rule of “any guard that turns into a shadow knight is forced by honor to take his own life the moment he returns from the Nether,” and it’s that I think he did that not out of a lapse of brief, cold heartlessness for Laurance, but out of love. Love for Aphmau, obviously, mainly, but I don’t think Garroth himself thought of something like that as…harsh. I think he genuinely held this shared understanding with Laurance, this assumption of their mutual bond as knights, that he believed he knew Laurance is perfectly well aware of the way this shit goes, this job they’ve pledged their lives to. Laurance’s life is to protect his Lord above all else, Garroth’s life is to protect Aphmau’s at any cost. So of course, if you as a knight have become something so monstrous and bloodthirsty that you are an imminent danger to your own Lord’s life… you either resign, or die. And if someone else was trying to murder their Lord, I imagine the natural thing to do would be to kill that person, so if you eliminate the threat… you save your Lord’s life. Laurance did something incredibly noble by sacrificing himself for Aphmau. That was, effectively, his life’s entire purpose. There’s a sense of being… disposable, as a guard. One that Zenix himself even pointed out and criticized, I believe.

Guards are made to be expendable. It’s the nature of the business. Laurance’s purpose was to give his life to Aphmau. Laurance’s purpose in life was to be expendable. Garroth isn’t purposefully trying to abandon him while he’s being tortured and horrifically broken down to pieces, Garroth highly values the role of a guard and therefore highly values Laurance’s sacrifice, because it is the epitome of the most important thing any guard can ever do in their life. So of course he’s going to make sure Laurance honors that choice. In that way, it’s something twisted and rotten and wrong that a guard would then come back from the dead, especially as an undead threat designed only to kill the very Lord he’s made to protect. To become a Shadow Knight is to become a total inversion of what it means to be a Guard. If any part of the original Laurance still remained inside his heart after his transformation, it only makes sense that his only option remaining would be to take his own life, to sacrifice himself once again to ensure his Lord is safe, it’s not even a matter of how “dark” or “horrific” this may be—it’s just business. And Garroth sees it as that, Garroth sees this as not only incredibly necessary, but as the utmost thing he can do to honor Laurance’s life. He probably thinks Laurance would be relieved to hear about the new rule he’s made, because he trusts he would understand this principle as much as he does. He isn’t casting him out—he’s tenderly taking the last remaining piece of Laurance’s humanity into his hands and sending it back to him like the boat of a funeral pyre. He’s laying him down to rest with a kiss on the head, telling him not to worry anymore. He’s making sure Laurance doesn’t destroy himself in the worst conceivable way possible. He’s trying to save him.

He’s protecting the love of his life, yes, but… he’s protecting Laurance from himself, too. And what relief would it be, to come back in a horrifying bind he struggles to grapple with, struggle to know what to do with or which direction to choose, the old truths or his new instincts as an undead creature—and to realize that he doesn’t need to worry about any of it at all. Because Garroth is there, to build in the safety railing. To create the mattress that cushions his fall. This is the most loving thing Garroth could do for Laurance, in a dilemma like this. To remove the dilemma entirely, and take care of it, take care of his life, take care of their purpose and their Lord, for him. To them, this isn’t something horrific—this is intimate.

Garroth would kill him, if Laurance asked him to. Because Garroth understands what must be done. Because he (believes he) knows what Laurance would want, if he were human again. Where guards like Zenix rebuke their expendability and demand independence and worth of their own, Garroth upholds it as something reverent, something special, something important, something morally good and right and correct that Laurance should adhere to. I wonder how that lesson went, during mentor-and-apprentice training sessions lmao.

…it is still horrifying and fucked up to witness on the outside, though. And Aphmau, who is not a guard, she wasn’t taught any of this. She didn’t have this ingrained in her through years of bootcamp. From her perspective, this is a “WHAT THE FUCK NO!!!! DONT KILL HIM!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM??” moment, because if Laurance has been hurt and is currently in a dire and horrible situation, then naturally the good and kind and right thing to do would be to fucking rescue him. Even if he isn’t human anymore, it doesn’t matter what he is now or how he’s changed, he’s their friend and any good and caring friend would save him. Thats what it means to give a shit about him, to rescue him from his perilous situation and bring him home so they can tend to his wounds and take good care of him. She doesn’t think of him as “his purpose as a soldier,” she thinks of him as a goddamn person who deserves better. There’s a very staunch difference in what Garroth and Aphmau believe to be the definition of highest moral good, what it means to be kind (Lawful vs Neutral moment let’s go), and they clash over this. But in the end, she also knows Garroth as a source of wisdom and rational, responsible knowledge in her life, and he is her bodyguard. He knows best about keeping her safe. She knows, rationally speaking, that there’s a danger to letting an undead monster into her home, it’s like she’s trying to bring a bear into the house just because it’s wounded and she wants to help it, and Garroth is saying to her, “no, don’t fucking do that, it’s our house and that thing will KILL YOU” and she’s conflicted on whether or not she should listen to him. She does for a while, though she consistently keeps trying to bring it up and convince him otherwise. Maybe if they were given enough time before Laurance’s return, she would have reached a point where she said “fuck it” to Garroth’s ideals and gone off on her own to bring Laurance back herself, without Garroth.

That being said, no matter what his beliefs are, its still really fucked up and wrong to try to pressure someone actually kill themself, and Garroth should never be doing that to anyone no matter the reason. Especially if that person is very depressed and in need of help. There are better ways to handle the dangers of effectively having a werewolf/vampire in the house. He should have at least tried to search for alternative means to help Laurance or handle his transformation into a Shadow Knight, and I’m very glad and relieved that continuity-wise, Garroth forgot his own fucking rule once Laurance actually returned. I’m glad we left that as a forgotten part in canon history. It’s fascinating to me how Garroth’s own system of morals justifies this behavior so staunchly in his mind, and it reveals to me more of the inner workings of how he works internally as a Lawful-aligned character, and honestly it’s pretty cool that two of our main characters have such different methods of thinking of morality and the greater good and believing in it wholeheartedly, but oh my god man please never do that again. what a way to reunite with a friend, my god

Anyway, we’ve now reached episode 56, and this is where shit gets real.

So the plan to pretend to be Garroth’s girlfriend didn’t work out so hot. Aphmau keeps having this bad habit of almost getting arrested lmao, this is the second time in S1 where Garroth and Laurance have to step in to save her from getting arrested. It’s also our second ever solid Aphmau/Garroth/Laurance interaction as a trio, to see how they clash and mold and mix with each other once they’re all together as a unit.

I’d like to point out, Garroth is willing to cut his brother to pieces if it means protecting Aphmau. MCD!Garroth doesn’t have anywhere near as much affection for his little brother as he does in Mystreet, in Mystreet he’s much more doting and loving, while in MCD he seems to regard Zane with this disgust, fear, and disdain. He says he’s uncomfortable being in the same village as him, says Zane has always displayed “disgusting” personality traits since long before his father’s corruption, and generally regards him with disgust, contempt, anxiety, discomfort, and terror. Not to say that that’s the only thing MCD!Garroth feels about Zane, but it’s definitely there at the forefront. So I suppose it’s not terribly surprising that if Zane merely talked shit about Aphmau, let alone threatened her very life, he would be a hair away from murdering him in favor of defending his Lord lol. But still, I find it interesting. His family has most certainly moved elsewhere. Zane isn’t his family, not as much as Aphmau and Levin (COUGH and Zoey COUGH) are.

And then Laurance pulls this.

This is so impactful of a shock to Garroth that we even get a dramatic angle shot of him, with all the limited “film equipment” they had at the time. You just know Jess had to break a block right in front of the NPC and get into this one-block-hole so she could get the right angle looking up at him lmao, and then probably had to fill that hole and move back to her spot to continue filming. Maybe she even went into creative mode for it. Teasing lmao

Anyway, I do think this was a smart move on Laurance’s part. He recognizes The High Priest of O’khasis through the commands and speech of the guard and Zane himself, probably realizes “oh shit, HE’S here? Oh fuck, this is really bad,” and keep in mind he has NO CONTEXT for what’s going on!! No one has told him a damn thing about Zane being here, or the fake relationship between Garroth and Aphmau, he has no idea what they’re all talking about, he just knows that O’khasis means really bad news and if he doesn’t act fast, Aphmau will be in some serious trouble, and he may never see her again. And unless he and Garroth had some sort of intimate off-screen conversation before this, this would also be how Laurance finds out in the moment that Garroth is the brother to Prince and High Priest of O’khasis, Zane Ro’meave—and therefore, Garroth is a Prince. Instead of reeling over these realizations and losing his shit, his clever mind comes up with a plan on the spot and starts twisting the fuck out of Zane’s arm to make him leave.

He listens to what Zane is saying, and Zane says that Aphmau was implying that Garroth might have a woman in his life, and Zane assumed that she was talking about herself, but doesn’t have any proof more than speculation, and is using said speculation as grounds for an arrest. Laurance hears this, understands that they don’t actually know if Aphmau is dating anyone, so Laurance calculates taking advantage of that confusion and swoops in with a claim that completely destroys Zane’s entire argument. Aphmau can’t be guilty of espionage, if she’s actually dating Laurance instead, so he pounces.

I don’t think he did this to get some sort of cheap win of “ooooh look at me I got the girl, lemme rub it in Garroth’s face while we’re here, ooh look I’m forcing her to be my fiance all of a sudden without even asking for her consent,” he actually feels really bad for suddenly jumping this on them and likely wishes he could have at least discussed it with them beforehand, but again, no one explained a damn thing to him, and they wouldn’t have expected this to happen anyway. There was no possible preparation for this beforehand, and frankly, he needed the others to believe him too, in order to convince Zane he was telling the truth.

He doubles down hard, acting with complete confidence and cold, determined certainty.

Clever and sly as a fox, he starts blackmailing Zane immediately. Picking apart his arguments to peel back the veneer that Zane’s crafted for himself and reveal the sheer extent of his lies and his own acts of treason underneath, and he uses that to scare Zane into shutting the fuck up. Laurance sees Zane for who he truly is, in the same way Zane sees Laurance for the Shadow Knight he really is. He’s not afraid to call him out on it, saying “hey, you think you have grounds to arrest her? You should remember I have grounds to tear your life apart, you son of a bitch.” And when Zane threatens to destroy Laurance’s life in turn, he says that’s fine, because if it means protecting Aphmau, he has nothing left to lose. He is a Shadow Knight, after all, he’s pretty much lost everything he could’ve held onto before. He lives under a ticking timebomb. There’s nothing Zane can take away from him that he won’t inevitably lose, once his time is up. If Zane wants to destroy him, he’ll fuckin take him down with him.

I love Zane calling him, “you of all people.” They don’t have any history together, he doesn’t know who Laurance is. So I think when he says “you of all people,” he’s referring to Laurance’s identity as a Shadow Knight. Zane may have dirtied his hands with his own demonic magical dealings, but he’s still a High Priest. This is a holy man, and the highest holy man of Ru’auns biggest empire. It’d make sense that he’d look down on Laurance as a Shadow Knight, seeing him as a form of lesser vermin under his superior shoe. Laurance is a demonic creature, and Zane is a holy priest. There’s a hierarchy, a superiority, there between them. I love this moment as Laurance revealing his hand as a demonic creature, meeting this holy man and seeing him for the sinful, filthy beast he really is, and reflecting it back for all to see. He knows what Zane is, he knows all about people like him. “I know a fellow sinner when I see it,” he says to him, “You can’t escape me that easily. You think you’re better than me? I’ll show the world exactly how holy you really are.” It’s the first thing Laurance does as a Shadow Knight, imo. The priest meets his match against the demon who can smell his sins a mile away.

Anyway. Laurance lied when he said he was Aphmau’s fiance, but he was telling the truth when he called her the love of his life, the only light in the dark, the one person he would sacrifice his entire life and well-being for time and time again. In a way, he’s offering up his own neck for the chopping block a second time here. He may be horrifically traumatized by what came of it afterwards, but one thing he’ll never regret is giving up his life for Aphmau, and here he’s insisting he can and WILL do it again and again if it meant keeping her safe. He just got back, and he’s already shoving her out of the way of the bullet and taking the glare of Zane’s rage for himself, putting himself under the blade and offering himself up for the feasting. “Here, you want a bite?” He challenges, “Take one from me. I have nothing left to lose. There’s nothing left for me. I’m expendable, remember? I’m the disposable one. If you want someone to destroy, choose me.”

Boy needs therapy.

He really does love her, though. It seems there was some level of genuine affection that he developed for her in the time where they were barely more than strangers, trying to flirt with some strange maiden he found and getting vehemently rejected at every turn. I don’t know why he would, but it seems it was enough to let his love for her multiply tenfold since his sacrifice.

In his confession earlier, he says he clung to the thought of her as his only solace keeping him sane through his transformation. In doing so, he formed this feeling of dependence upon her that forged as strong as a dog’s love for their master. She has become his definition of comfort.

Zane does a really mean thing by asking Garroth, of all people, if they have his “permission” to get married. (…not that they would ever in a million years need his permission to get married… considering he’s not their dad or a family member or anything, he’s just their friend,,, his opinion would mean nothing and changes nothing… but Zane’s specifically trying to be a jerk here, so)

And Garroth says yes. It takes him a long time to force it out of his lips, though. And I’m wondering if maybe this is purely a moment of circumstance, where he can recognize that Laurance is specifically saving Aphmau’s life in this situation, and if he says no, he fucks everything up. The reason why I feel like he’s forcing himself to say yes due to the circumstance, and not being 100% genuine here, is because in later instances, Garroth does NNNOOOOT take kindly to Aphmau hooking up with other people. Like with his betrayal in the S1 finale, he takes Aphmau kissing Laurance soooo incredibly personally and very very badly. And again later on, when Aphmau tells him she’s pregnant with Aaron’s child, he doesn’t take THAT well EITHER. Garroth, to me, feels like someone who believes Aphmau should be his and his alone, and when someone else interferes with that, holy fucking hell does he have a PROBLEM with it. He doesn’t exactly strike me as the kind of guy who likes to share, I suppose. He’s always been a much more territorial soul than say, Laurance, and especially more so than Aaron. So to me, I see this and I think he is using every single nerve and bone in his body to restrain himself from losing his cool. He is doing everything in his power not to scream or cry or start shouting right now lmao.

He recognizes Laurance is currently trying to save Aphmau’s life, which, again from before, is something that means a lot to Garroth and something he really really admires in Laurance. (it’s kind of the only thing he admires about laurance, actually… at this point in S1, at least.) So there’s this conflict between bringing out and exemplifying the thing he admires most in Laurance and knows he’s very trustworthy and honorable with, but also like. that’s the girl he likes, so he’s upset she’s.. dating someone else or whatever. To be honest, he probably does suspect that Laurance is lying. Because when Laurance dropped the act and admits he’s lying and apologizes, Garroth doesn’t show ANY surprise over it. He says it’s okay, he knows he was just trying to save her life.

He knows they’re not actually getting married. He’s just that upset to even witness or hear anything suggesting the hypothetical that they would. It really does distress him quite a bit. (which will become a problem later……)

This is the beginning of their rivalry/competition over Aphmau, though.

And with the beginning of the actual competition, I’d like to set a disclaimer: I’m a very polyamorous/open person. I do not take the “ship war” bullshit seriously lmao. If you asked me which “side” I’m on, I would say I’m on Aphmau’s side, honestly. The girl is her own individual human being and a person who deserves to have a right to her own autonomy and personal choice, and it is both hilarious and deeply concerning to me that Garroth and Laurance think they have any control or say over who Aphmau chooses to kiss and sleep with. Especially since she’s still single and not actually dating either of them, so she has NO REASON to be “committed” to either of them. Garroth and Laurance are like investors crying over a bidding war for a plot of land, and I do not take their “””heartbreak””” seriously. It is quite literally the definition of a manchild crying over spilled milk to me. Aphmau is her own person whose free will deserves to be respected, not a piece of territory that they can claim ownership of or dictate the decisions of. Garroth and Laurance have literally zero right to get angry or upset with her for romantically choosing someone else, and to do so is not only very dehumanizing/objectifying towards Aphmau, but also just…generally extremely emotionally immature. The correct reaction they both should have had is to congratulate her, say they’re happy for her and her happiness, wish her well, and then just…continue going about their day. And if they did cry about it later, they cry about it very far away from Aphmau and her happy new life and continue to treat her respectfully, appropriately, and professionally the next time they see her. Buuut I also understand that respectful and emotionally mature behavior doesn’t always breed the best drama for a plot, and we are dealing with the Aphverse and its number one favorite kind of drama to write, so it is what it is.

So know that when I assess the ship war as, unfortunately, a pivotal core of the majority of Garmau and Laurmau interactions across the Aphverse, know that im coming from an impartial place who does not favor any side any way. When Aaron gets introduced, this will also apply to him, and I’ll be analyzing his character and Aarmau’s relationship with equal levels of care and respect and fairness (especially since I honestly kinda like Aaron as a character… he’s a really chill and cool guy, once you look past any “cringe factor” of him being a mega buff self-insert character whose the Ultimate Alpha Werewolf and Super Sexy lolol, or any lapse in the writers own personal judgment in regards to whether or not it’s appropriate for a freshman to date a senior ((it’s really really not)). But I’m not here for the writers own lapses and judgments, im here for the character. And I like Aaron Lycan the character, so I wanna give him a fair chance) I like all of them, and I love this series, so I’m not gonna like…favor any side in particular, and if anything, I’m against the competition itself as a whole and im not gonna be afraid to call Garroth and Laurance out on the moments where they’re being total assholes about it. Aphmau deserved better lmao. I’m glad that in Mystreet she got married to the only character in the entire cast who doesn’t actually give a shit about any of this lol, she deserves better than to worry about territorialism bullshit

I do like that their rivalry isn’t really a hostile one, though. Garroth and Laurance don’t make enemies out of each other despite the situation, they actually find a really close bond in each other through it all. They’re not perfect, but they’re kind to each other, and I like that approach. It’s different from a lot of other “love competition” plots I’ve seen, where the men are locked in an embarrassing, perpetual toxic-masculinity-ragefest pissing-on-each-other contest lolol. It cuts in half the potentially debilitating level of second-hand embarrassment I’d get just by watching them, and personally I feel like it’d make more sense for two knights to be chivalrous with one another and honor one another than anything else. So if this is the first note we’re introducing their rivalry on, it’s a wonderful one, and I love this scene as a whole. They can be very adorable sometimes.

Laurance immediately apologizes once Zane leaves them be, like a sweetheart he feels horrible for doing something like that to them so suddenly <3

I love Garroth treating him civilly, he recognizes the situation for what it is, and though I imagine he got quite the upsetting scare that he’s still feeling shaken up by, it’s overpowered by Garroth’s own immense admiration for Laurance’s actions as an honorable knight. He knows he can trust him with Aphmau’s life, he knows that Laurance will take good care of his loved ones and do anything he can to make sure that they’re okay. That’s a big deal, especially since Laurance’s loyalties as a guard would technically belong to Meteli, as its Head Guard. But Laurance’s care and good heart doesn’t apply only to the people under Meteli’s jurisdiction—the people he’s required to guard as part of his job. Phoenix Drop isn’t his business, he would have reason to leave and go back home and not give a shit about Aphmau and her troubles, but he doesn’t. His principles and his heart apply to anyone in need, no matter who they are or where they’re from or who they serve. That’s a true honorable man/knight, someone who does it not just for a job, but because it’s in his nature to tend to everyone in need, no matter what. He’ll always look after you, whether you’re a child of O’khasis or the Lord of Meteli, his heart knows no boundaries. And Garroth sees this in him, sees this on full display that night when he stepped in to save Aphmau—and it’s incredibly important to recognize who he’s standing up to. He’s not only willing to go to blows with a Goddamn Prince Of Motherfucking O’khasis, seeing him for his corruption and not being afraid to defend underdogs in need, even standing up to other fellow guards who chose their greed and pride over doing good by serving Zane (contrasting Laurance’s choices), but he’s willing to confront Zane Ro’meave, Garroth’s brother. He is, unintentionally, in a way, defending Garroth as well, from his abusive family members. Zane is hellbent on hurting Garroth by taking Aphmau away (thus ensuring Garroth would come with him and return to O’khasis), and Laurance stops that shit from happening.

It’s unspoken, but in this scene, he’s protecting Garroth as much as he’s protecting Aphmau. He just saved both of their asses. And I feel like that would mean a lot to Garroth, to see Laurance stand up to his terrifying, overpowered family in order to protect Garroth and his loved ones, putting his own neck on the line despite the massive risk, despite how much power and money he could gain if he followed in the other, corrupt guards’ footsteps and chose to defend Zane instead. It must feel incredibly cathartic and even emotional for Garroth, to see someone defend him from his family with all the strength and bravery and balls he doesn’t have to stand up to Zane himself—and also have the incredible wits enough to make it work!!! This is an incredible and miraculous feat Laurance has just pulled off here!!! He outsmarted Zane Ro’meave!!! Made the High Priest of O’khasis run for the hills with his tail between his legs!! Laurance would, without question, stand up to your bullies and defend the underdog no matter what, and he would WIN <3

Ironically enough, if there’s any moment where Garroth would decide that Laurance is a keeper, I think this scene would make a pretty damn good contender.

Which I think is why Garroth doesn’t get angry with him for this. He’s not happy at all that Laurance would claim to be Aphmau’s fiancé, even if he knew for certain that he was blowing smoke, but everything else about this scenario overpowers that anger/upset, so he chooses to be civil and gracious instead. He‘s feeling the brunt of a bruised heart and ego, yes, but he also came out of this with the knowledge that he could most certainly trust Laurance with both his and Aphmau’s lives.

Which would probably throw some conflicted feelings into the mix of the whole “Laurance is a shadow knight designed to murder the mother of my son” thing lmao.

Also I love to picture Garroth looking like he’s on the edge of tears here, and Laurance internally thinking to himself throughout the entire confrontation “shit fuck damn it Garroth im so sorry im so sorry DONT BELIEVE ME YOU DUMBASS IM SO SORRY MAN AAAUUUUGH” and then apologizing to him so earnestly once Zane left, trying to console him because he knows what a dick move doing that to his crush in front of him would be and he feels SO BAD. And meanwhile Garroth sniffles and says “it’s okay, really, it’s fine… you saved her life, I can’t thank you enough…” and Laurance gives him a hug

Garroth wanting to hurt, maim, or potentially even kill his own brother because he threatened and insulted Aphmau. Wanting him to just disappear, to go away, to get rid of him or scare him off somehow. Their relationship is significantly worse in MCD than it is in Mystreet.

chat I love them so much <3 Laurance flirting with Aphmau purely just to taunt her and be a teasing little shit, Garroth laughing along and teasing Aphmau alongside him, so Aphmau turns the tables to tease Laurance by saying she’s gonna make Cadenza dye his hair blue next time, and Garroth backing her up by saying it already is blue. There’s a beat between Laurance’s “WHAT?!” And “YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!” So I can’t help but imagine he uses that beat to reflexively take his hair and try to check what color it is, only to realize he can’t fuckin’ see and that’s why they’re saying it’s blue to tease him back, and then he calls them jerks for it lmao. Garroth and Aphmau laugh, and then Aphmau drags them both back to the party to dance and have fun together as a trio for the rest of the night.

GUYS THEY’RE BESTIES NOW!!! THEY’RE BESTIES TOGETHER!! THE THREE MUSKETEERS!! Laurmau, Garrance, and Garmau work really well as individual pairs, but when they’re together as a trio is when they start to really shine and boost each other up in their happiness. I love the teasing and mischief and chaos that naturally blooms between the three of them when they feel comfortable and relaxed with each other, it heavily contrasts the strict, sterile professionalism they normally have to keep up for the sake of their jobs and their safety and gives them this real sense of…being human, together. In those moments, they’re not “knights doing their job” or a lord trying to maintain order, they’re dumb young adults playing and fucking around and enjoying the time they have together—especially in a world where time is, often, cut short. No wars, no politics, not even much about their inner competition. Just them, as they truly act when they’re at their happiest and most comfortable, embracing the time they have together. A family.

Garroth cuts loose his usual shy, strict, closed off exterior and goofs off, something that’d normally be very rare if not at all possible to witness with the man, if it wasn’t for Aphmau and Laurance bringing out his more snarky, playful side. Laurance continues to be a flirtatious tease, but this time it’s not because he wants something out of Aphmau, it’s because he’s being a dork who’s trying to be funny and stupid and silly to make her or Garroth laugh. He’s taunting her. It’s much more light-hearted and genuine and sincere than the “fuckboy” style flirting he was keeping up earlier, and I think that’s why it works better with Aphmau. Because it’s coming from an entirely different place. It’s not spoken with the intent of “I wanna get something out of you ;)” (which makes her uncomfortable) it’s spoken with the intent of two best friends taunting and teasing each other back and forth in order to have fun and be little shits to each other and ultimately make the other laugh. And that, Aphmau most CERTAINLY can get behind.

Something I like to notice in MCD!Aphmau is that all Aphmaus, in every universe, have a very core personality trait of “playful.” They’re mischievous, they’re chaotic, they cause trouble, they tease others, they love puns, they’re always the first to start laughing and the loudest to laugh. But most Aphmaus have some sort of variation in the specifics of how that playful core nature manifests. Like, Void Paradox Aphmau might veer a little more likely to literally set herself on fire if she thinks her hypothesis will work, but Mystreet!Aphmau has a liiiittle bit of a stronger fear of death lmao. MCD!Aphmau is the least playful out of all the Aphmaus, due to circumstance. When you’re in the middle of a war and spending every day slaving away at your unrelenting job trying to make sure everyone you love and care for doesn’t get literally fucking murdered in the next week, and if they do it’s your fault as a leader—you kinda end up not having as bright and bubbly of a spirit on main anymore! MCD!Aphmau is also one of the oldest Aphmaus in terms of meta, real-world time. MCD came before Mystreet and its more light-hearted tone, and it came well before the extreme tone shift of Cocomau/Aphmau SMP content. The difference between the original Diaries Aphmau and Cocomau Aphmau is very night and day.

MCD!Aphmau is the most emotionally mature. She’s more serious, more stern, more cautious, more depressed and anxious and traumatized and stressed out, she’s more jaded, she forms trust issues that struggle against her constant desire to be forgiving, she’s a military leader, she’s constantly locked in violent combat where she fights for her life on the regular against a myriad of foes constantly trying to kill her, she creates battle plans and military strategies and political tactics and allegiances with other nations. One of the things war forces its newest soldiers to do is to grow up. And as MCD progresses, you can see the gradually increasing toll it takes on her. S2 Aphmau carries herself with a much more emotionally scarred and stressed out demeanor than she did at the beginning of S1, and by S3, she’s seen the love of her life die. She’s lost too much to be…bubbly, silly, air-headed, clumsy Aphmau anymore.

So to have someone in her life that can bring out the more innocent heart buried deep inside her… It’s fucking beautiful. To remind her of who she used to be, to put a smile on her face in a time of dire trauma and depression, to make her laugh and stop worrying about the world for just a moment… To bring back to the surface the kind of Aphmau we see in Mystreet, and make her feel free… She needs her boys. She really, really does. She depends on them more than they depend on her. Her boys are her soft place to land, her grounding comfort, who make her feel human again and keep her from losing herself in it all. They keep her afloat. Especially Laurance, whose number one gift is laughter. He may be clever, or brave, or resilient, or doggedly loyal, but by far, Laurance’s greatest strength and greatest asset is his ability to bring laughter. Joy and whimsy and innocence and love that comforts above all else. For someone who struggles so much to find his own sense of humanity, he sure is good at bringing out everyone else’s humanity. I’d kill to have someone like that be by my side during my darkest hour.

Their happy, carefree moments are so rare in this series. It’s always a treasure to find them.

They’ve grown a bond now, but it’s not easy knowing that Laurance is still a monster of the undead. Garroth feels conflicted now, when previously he was utterly resolved in his determination to make sure Laurance, as a Shadow Knight, stayed away from Aphmau and their town, now he knows and likes and admires Laurance as a person. Now he doesn’t know what to do. He’s terrified of the possibility that Laurance could turn at any moment and attack them, he’s much more scared of it than Aphmau is. He trusts Laurance the person with their lives, but Laurance the Shadow Knight…

Meanwhile, Aphmau does not give a shit lmao. Garroth confides in her that he’s scared Laurance might actually kill her, and Aphmau’s like “lmao is this because ur jealous he got to flirt with me last night and u didn’t” and teases him for it. Girl is NOT worried at ALL. (even though it’s her life on the line…) It’s almost like it doesn’t fully click in her mind that this man, one of her closest allies, the man she plays and jokes around with so easily even now, he will be the one to draw her blood. She’s playing with the wolves, as their number one prey, with the number one predator chosen to devour her and her specifically, with the carnivorous beast that craves nothing but her and her blood, his only desire for the feasting, and she just…has no fear. Not really, not deeply, not truly. Not like Garroth does. Maybe as the cat curling up on the crocodile tongue, it still exists in her mind the possibility that those jaws could snap down on her at any time. But she knows Laurance, she trusts Laurance, she knows he won’t. He holds her life in his hands, and she trusts him so much to feel completely comfortable with how he holds her. His jaws could hold themselves over her throat, and she wouldn’t begin to sweat. She still holds on tight to him. She’s the one who feels in control, despite all the odds. She knows he’s not going to hurt her, not like this. She knows he’s tamed. So of course she teases Garroth, taunts him for his concerns.

(aphmau likes her boys to be a lil,,, a little monstrous <3 …… a lil bit deadly, a little bit inhuman…… lil bit a fangs, little bit a claws… monsterfucker aphmau real…… ily monsterfucker aphmau……)

Laurance is currently reveling in the joy and relief of being out of the Nether, recovering his sight, he’s starting to get his old self back. So he plays along with their banter, laughing and having the time of his life. He doesn’t feel like much of a Shadow Knight right now. But he does take Garroth’s concerns seriously, seriously enough to offer to leave Phoenix Drop completely if he starts to really scare them. The weight of this offers kinda glossed over in canon, but like…I want to bring your attention to how heartbreaking that’d be. Aphmau is his number one comfort person, the love of his life, the light in his darkness, the woman that makes him feel human, the close friend that brings out his truest self and holds him dear. He’s offering to give all of that up, everything that makes him happy, everything that makes him feel human, if they would feel safer and more comfortable living without him in their lives. I can only imagine how quickly he would make a dramatic turn for the worst if he did actually leave Phoenix Drop like this, how fast he would deteriorate, the deep depression he would be allowing himself to slip into, all to make them happy. He would give up everything, if it meant they would be happier without him. Guys I want to cry.

AND HE SAYS “It’s just nice to have a place to call home.” GUYS!!!!!!! AAAUAUAUAUUUGUGUGHG HH!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ?!?????? He has Meteli, doesn’t he? If he still considered Meteli a home he could return to, why the fuck would he talk like he DOESNT HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO ANYMORE—!!-!!!!!!!

Joh was murdered by Sasha, a Shadow Knight. Hayden and Cadenza were both kidnapped by a Shadow Knight. He has, quite literally, become the very same thing that has broken and traumatized his family the most. He resigned as the Head Guard of Meteli after his return from the Nether. It would make a whole lot of sense if Laurance chose to withdraw himself from Meteli, his hometown, and his only-surviving father, in an effort to protect them. Do you think Hayden even knows? Do you think Hayden was told that his son figure was lost to the Nether? Do you think anyone told him? I don’t think Cadenza or Hayden know that he’s a Shadow Knight now—the very thing that murdered his other dad. Do you think Laurance chose to leave his home behind, in an effort to conceal the horrible truth and protect them too? Do you think he resigned as the Head Guard of Meteli because he doesn’t trust himself to protect Hayden, because if he was already incapable of protecting Joh before, how bad do you think it’d be now that he’s the same breed as his killer? Do you think he believes he wouldn’t be fit to be the Head Guard of a town already so traumatized and scarred by Shadow Knights in its past? That he doesn’t belong there anymore? How traumatic would that be for him? To become his own worst nightmare? To let go of his own hometown, to let go of his family in a way, to keep the truth from them, because he knows how they would react if they found out what he had become? Do you think he believes they wouldn’t trust him anymore? Wouldn’t think so highly of him anymore? Do you think he thinks of telling Cadenza the truth, sometimes? How she would react, if she knew?

He doesn’t consider Meteli a home he can return to anymore. Phoenix Drop is the only place he can stay, with the only two people who know the truth and are still willing to keep him around. So if he left PD, he would become a homeless wanderer, with nowhere to stay, no one to trust, nowhere to go. He really wouldn’t have anything left. So Laurance does everything he can now to help out around the village and help Garroth with his work, likely to prove that he’s worth keeping around and to make up for any loss that his new identity may cause. Aaaoouguhhuhhhhhghhh gguhhuhhhhhgggggggggggg

ALSO!!! LAURANCE IS PLAYING WITH HER SON!!! LAURDAD!!! LAURDAD!!!!!! EVERYONE TURN ON THE ALARM BELLS, WE HAVE DAD LAURANCE BEING ADORABLE!!!!!!!

With all of that said, don’t get too attached to all the gutpunching goodness of these episodes’ moments, because we’re about to cover the most fucking hilarious and utterly embarrassing Garmau/Laurmau moment in the entire series. To me, at least.

That’s right, we’ve reached the “witnessing your WORST FEARS!!” episode. And this is Garroth and Laurance’s worst fear, right here.

Excuse my burning, autistic passion for a moment: LOOK AT THESE LOSERS!!! LOOK AT THESE UTTER DUMBASSES!!! LOOK AT HOW THEY SUCK ASS!!!!! They’re so embarrassing to witness I want to SCREAM. I want to tear them to pieces with my teeth like a dog upon a chew toy, LOOK AT HOW FUCKING STUPID THEY ARE!!! This is the lowest point Garroth and Laurance’s intelligence has EVER hit (thus far) and to me, honest to god, it’d be less embarrassing if they pissed themselves. What fuckin’ losers. I’m so unreasonably peeved by their idiocy (says the person writing 10,000 words of yapping about everything these fuckin Lego blocks do and think and say………)

But seriously you honest to god could not make me believe that “aphmau kissing a stranger they’ve never met” is the worst fear of both Garroth and Laurance. Bullshit. I call absolute fuckin bullshit. I REFUSE to believe that, fuck that shit. Do you have any idea what these bitches have been through???? Laurance witnessed his own father figure be horrifically MURDERED in front of his very eyes, when it was HIS JOB AND SOLE RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he stayed alive, and he FAILED. Not only that, his father figure was murdered by his own and only BESTEST FRIEND, after he WATCHED HER BURN ALIVE IN A POOL OF LAVA, and then he returned to the very same realm he watched her die in, gave up his LIFE to SLOWLY DIE IN A HORRIFICALLY TRAUMATIC PROCESS OF PHYSICAL TORTURE AND UNGODLY LEVELS OF PAIN that gave him SEVERE PTSD in the very same realm that she died in, only to become the SAME EXACT BREED OF MONSTER THAT HE WATCHED KILL HIS FATHER, and forever be faced with the reality of INEVITABLY FOLLOWING IN HER FOOTSTEPS AND REPEATING THE SAME CRIME BY MURDERING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE!!!!!

AND GARROTH???? OHOHO THIS BITCH AINT FREE EITHER!!!! Garroth was raised in a highly dysfunctional, possibly even abusive household with a vicious and cruel father that looms over his life and legacy like the world’s most mortifying shadow of every expectation he COULDN’T MEET because he was so goddamn upset and scared and disturbed by the ways his father tried to remove his personal agency and consent (by marrying someone he didn’t want to, entering a romantic, possibly physical relationship he did not consent to) that he faked his OWN DEATH to RUN AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY, only to be rendered incapable of meeting the expectations and hopes of all the people in Phoenix Drop, too. He disappoints them like he disappoints everyone, and everything goes wrong because it’s his fault, and he never stops feeling guilty for his own cowardice or his loving heart that can’t see people’s true corruptions until it’s too late, he loathes himself for every sin that he carries upon his shoulders. Even if it’d be personally reasonable that he didn’t know, or he was only trying to take care of himself in a dire moment of need, etc. He’s lost his brothers, he’s lost Zenix, who he still terribly mourns to this day. He still believes in Zenix, he still grieves losing him, this monster he believes he created. He watched Phoenix Drop burn, because of Zenix, because of him. He thought he was safe, before Zane came around, before his only place of safety and security away from his mortifying family was completely breached and torn wide open by his ravenous brother, hunting him down like a bloodhound upon rabbits, there’s nowhere safe for him to hide anymore. He’s not safe from his family, no matter how far he tries to run, how much he tries to hide. He’s not safe from Zane taking everything away from him just for the kicks and giggles of it, he’s not safe from his father taking away his life and his personhood, he’s not safe from his legacy or his ever-looming shadow, he’s not safe from his sins, from the shadow of Lord Malik, from the weight of Zenix upon his shoulders, from losing his mommy, from losing Vylad… Garroth lives in a perpetual state of seeing his world, his safety, his security, crumble to dust all around him. Garroth lives in fear. Garroth lives in shame. Garroth can’t stop running, no matter how close the hounds get to snapping at his hooves, Garroth can’t stop hiding, no matter how many times his family pries open his security measures and breaks down his walls and invades every last space they weren’t allowed to open up. He belongs to his father and his wicked throne. The noose never stops looming, never stops closing tighter and tighter around his throat, no matter how hard he thrashes or struggles—or straight up just…gives up. His family tells him he means nothing, that he should be ashamed, that he’s stupid and worthless and only good for continuing the monarchy, and he believes them.

Garroth and Laurance’s “worst fear” would never be “aphmau kissing another man,” and in comparison to everything else we know about their character arcs by this point, the sheer childish, shallow pettiness of this choice feels like someone spitting on everything else these boys have been through. Not to mention the fact that we’re toeing the line of toxic, territorial heteronormative bullshit and toxically possessive behavior with shit like this. Genuinely it is not okay in any degree for Laurance or Garroth to actually attack and try to physically or violently harm anyone Aphmau wants to hook up with, especially since she is single and can date whoever she pleases, and they have zero ownership over her, nor do they deserve ANY control over her love life just because they like her. Thats fucked up, man. If this were actually really happening and Aphmau really did want to kiss Dante, and Laurance and Garroth tried to fucking maim him for it, Aphmau would have every right to fire them and kick them out of her guard. She would have every right and frankly should kick them to the curb for ever even attempting such a thing. What the fuck.

And on slightly more analysis-based terms, I believe Aphmau’s presence in their lives does make up an aspect of their overarching tapestry of trauma and fear and concerns and thoughts. If you put them through a nightmare sequence that covered all of their worst fears, I believe she should definitely make an appearance! But not like this. Not in the context of “ohh what if she romantically gets with someone else,” bro wtf they’ve got SOOOOO much bigger fish on their plates to worry about rn wtf. How about “I hope Zane doesn’t try to execute the love of my life and take me away from my son,” huh? What about “I hope I don’t worsen my greatest failure tenfold by becoming the exact same as my father’s murderer, even though im struggling against the inevitable explosion of a timebomb destroying everything I hold dear all over again”? How about you start worrying about the actual war looming on the horizon, instead of childish middle school drama bullshit? How about you start worrying about who you might watch die in the next coming months? You’ve got a son being hunted for his blood by monsters beyond all human strength and power, one of them being your own little brother/son figure who you love more than life and dearly miss and mourn despite his ultimate betrayal, and you’re worrying about your crush? What are you, 13 years old?

Anyway. Taking deep breaths now. Drinking a nice cup of tea like Zoey Taltatheil would want me to. I love this series with a very strong fiery passion, so like. If ever I go off about Garroth and Laurance’s worst actions or certain writing decisions, know that im not like,,, talking shit, especially not just for the sake of talking shit, yknow? I see so, sooo much infinite worlds of potential for these characters, so much so that I need to write thousands and thousands of words about them on a regular basis just to get the magnitude of how much they mean to me out of my chest, or else I explode lmao. So know I’m coming from a place of love with all of this, I say this because I love these characters and I love these stories and I want the best for them above all else. They truly are something beautiful, and a pivotal piece of my life, I’d give anything to these guys, and I don’t wanna be perceived as like… a negative person or harsh or anything like that whenever their…more dubious moments get me all fired up. But with all of that out of my system, back to legitimate character analysis, because this scene does actually have some interesting pieces I’d like to unpack as well:

Putting aside whether or not they should be reacting like this at all, I want to bring attention to how drastically different their reactions are, and how that’s used to contrast the two and their core personalities/demeanors. We’re also getting into how this arc is kind of the first time we see how Laurance’s transformation starts effecting him. So it’s very likely his anger is being heightened by his SK transformation, as it does for him later in this same arc when he argues with Garroth. But this exemplifies how, to me, Laurance is a lot like fire, and Garroth is a lot like water. Laurance’s anger is explosive, he’s shouting and screaming violent threats while Garroth stands in horror, speaking in quiet, broken up, whimpering, wounded phrases, barely anything at all. Where Garroth draws quiet and pulls away in his hurt, Laurance snarls and screams and explodes outwards, kicking and fighting against whatever bind you put him in. Maybe his SK side invents this in him, or perhaps it simply exemplifies and draws out an inherent character trait of how Laurance handles his temper, whenever it spikes.

That’s not to say that Garroth is incapable of reaching a high temper and shouting at people as well, he often does! But genuinely it feels like the dynamics of fire and water to me when he does. Like during his betrayal in S1’s finale, Garroth gets angry, but he handles his anger by withdrawing. Stepping back, turning quiet and reserved and cold. Backhanded, passive aggressive, still snarky, but not in the quippy, clever way that Laurance is. He feels like ice, cold and sharp and potent and deadly. While Laurance seethes, he blisters with his grudges and his grumblings under his breath and the sour glares he burns into your soul, only to shout at you once you poke his temper like a bear and a stick. Where Garroth is quiet, Laurance is loud, where Garroth is a sharp, singular, calculated point digging where he knows it’ll hurt the most, Laurance is an explosion that burns up everything around him in his vicinity, destroying his life piece by piece without much care for all the people it hurts when he finally blows up, all the people he pushes away at once. It’s present in the ways they act when they’re at their complete worst, but it’s also present in how they act when they’re at their best: The spark of laughter, the kindling of a warm and happy home. The comfort in the quiet stillness of a lake, in the gentle lapping of ocean waves by the shore.

(my god they got the red and blue homosexuals …… bro the fire/water red/blue elemental theming…… bro it’s everywhere……)

There’s also something fascinating to note about how it’s like… maybe this is just on Laurance’s side of things, maybe it’s both of them, but it’s like the competition for “who gets to be Aphmau’s lover” only extends to Garroth and Laurance in these two’s minds. Like, to them, they see each other as the only exceptions. Because there’s a contrast in their behaviors when it’s each other “succeeding” vs watching someone else, unrelated to their personal rivalry, “succeeding.” Garroth kisses Aphmau in a dream, and Laurance’s reaction is to teasingly say, “Hey, do you think if I showed up in his dreams, he’d be so excited to see me again that he’d kiss me too?” But Laurance watches Dante almost kiss Aphmau, and he loses his shit. Like it’s fair game for Garroth, his close friend and fellow rival, to kiss Aphmau, but once someone else he’s never seen before starts to “get in on it” so to speak, he’s FURIOUS. I wonder if that factors into why Laurance and Garroth dislike Aaron so much later on. Because he’s technically “”winning the game”” (i really don’t like referring to Aphmau like she’s a “game/prize” to be “won” and not like. a person, just making decisions. but like this is what exists in their heads and i gotta communicate how these boys think somehow) but he’s not been like… officially sworn into the match lmao. He’s an outsider, I guess. Either that, or it’s a matter of how familiar Laurance is with Garroth that he trusts him to be able to take good care of Aphmau and love her properly, so his protective nature doesn’t really extend to Garroth as a “potential threat,” but he hugely distrusts everyone else he doesn’t really know, so he doesn’t trust them to take good care of Aphmau, and therefore gets much more riled up about it. Just overall he has a much greater distaste and distrustful, angry and violent contempt for people he doesn’t personally know and trust trying to date Aphmau, a possessive/overprotective contempt that doesn’t apply to, say, Garroth, for some reason. Garroth doesn’t have this internal phenomenon as much, he’d still be like. Incredibly bothered if Laurance kissed Aphmau, this doesn’t apply to Garroth anywhere near as much as it does for Laurance, Garroth just doesn’t want anyone else “winning” her heart in general

To touch on what I mentioned with Aphmau being an aspect of Garroth and Laurance’s Concerns TapestryTM I think of Aphmau as representing something important to them in their lives. For Garroth, Aphmau is all the love that he never got growing up. For Laurance, she’s his humanity, his keystone of truth and sincerity and what it means to feel safe, to feel like yourself. She’s the guiding beacon back home. So if Laurance lost her, like say through murder or death or someone else taking her away or what have you, he’d be losing his only lighthouse of where to go in a world shrouded with darkness. Without her, he becomes lost, wandering through the shadowed and foggy wastes in his mind, slowly losing himself more and more and becoming everything he fears the most. He loses his humanity, he loses himself, he loses his heart, he loses all the love in his life that she (and his family + Garroth) brings. He needs her in the way a drowning man clings onto a rock, in the way a ship needs its lighthouse on the stormy, cloudy nights.

For Garroth… There’s a reason why im going on a character analysis journey, because I genuinely don’t know him as well as I know Laurance. He’s a big fan of keeping his true thoughts and feelings smothered wayyyy down out of sight, so it’s a lot harder for me to read what Aphmau means to Garroth on a real, complex, multi-faceted level. Beyond the simplicity of just a surface-level “oh he loves her.” Why does he love her? What, specifically, does he love about her, and what does he dislike? What kind of influence does she represent and cause in his life? Is she what home feels like to him? Is she the ideal form of the wife, the love, the family, he’s always wanted, but could never find in O’khasis? Is she the physical embodiment of the very reason why he left Nicole? When he looks at Nicole (later on), does he see Aphmau in her and think of an alternate timeline where those pieces were all he clung to to try to find solace in justifying that this arraigned marriage was okay? Or does he see a void in every way Nicole is vastly different from her and realize just how deeply unhappy he would have been, in every way they would have clashed as a couple, and everything he would yearn for that she could not give him? Is he disturbed by the differences, or relieved by them? Did he always wish and yearn for someone like Aphmau to love him, or did he rebuke the very idea of love growing up? Is this the first time it’s ever pounced upon him, startling him out of the blue? Does he struggle against its pull, in his mind? Does he think of all the ways that this would be a terrible idea, for someone to love him now, or does he put it on a pedestal? Is he so completely consumed by the appeal of being loved, that he doesn’t actually know what a relationship looks like? Does he refuse to believe that a being as wonderful as Aphmau would ever love something as disgusting as him? Is that why he kept quiet for so long? Is that why it stung so badly when the idea in his head that Aphmau could never be his, would never want to belong to something so foul and flawed and hideous, comes true? (in his personal perception, I mean, of the illusion of laurance kissing her in the woods)

Is she security, to him? Or is she the feeling of the thrill, of dangers unseen? Is she safety, or is she the terror of everything he’s scared to lose? Is she his master, of any kind? His leader, the one who paves the path that a measly dog like him can only follow? How much does he dedicate himself to her as an utter servant, bent to every beautiful and illustrious word she could ever say—or does he wish to control her himself? How he wants her to be his, and only his, does he want to claim her, mark her, forever emblazon her as his own claimed territory, an extension of his pride? Is there a vicious and cruel leader that lives on in him, that demands ownership of all he sees, that’s greedier and pettier and more prideful and wicked than he would like to admit, and he’s terrified of ever awakening it? Is that why he stays so quiet, why he draws away from others, why he keeps them at arms length and refuses to open up too much? Why he refuses to ever become a leader of anything—because he knows what he would be summoning if he did? The knowledge that, in truth, he has the potential to not only capture Garte’s legacy, but take it to new and terrible sights no one could ever imagine? Do you think it scares him? Do you think he’s desperate to never become the man he could be, and yet it gets drawn out of him anyway? In his pettiest moments, when the worst of him gets dragged out by the most insulting of circumstance, when his ego is bruised enough, it comes out anyway and he embraces it in the meanest way he can, in all his blinding rage and his stubbornly bleeding pride?

Do you think Aphmau is his guide through the dark, in a very similar way to Laurance, in all the ways she influences him to be better, to be kinder, to be more merciful and forgiving instead of strict, to have empathy beyond his warped moral code, in the ways she encapsulates everything he wishes, desperately, he could become instead? And when he rejects her, he strides strong and direct into the dark, to become the worst version of himself, to dominate and control, to turn to higher ambitions (joining the jury of nine) and closer to the throne than ever before, to embrace his dark role in the family unit, his powerful role in the family unit—do you think he and Laurance are opposites, in that way? Why Laurance had to be the reminder of empathy and heart and forgiveness and mercy, to find him in the dark and drag him back to what’s real, as opposed to what’s right?

I don’t think of canon MCD!Garroth as some woobified ditsy adorable golden retriever boy, like what he,,quite literally becomes in mystreet lmao. I used to, but then I started my rewatch and realizing a lot of his behaviors and decisions in the canon series are not actually that “Boy Scout” of him? And in my personal opinion, he feels a lot closer to having potential of becoming a mean and gritty villain in a slightly different timeline than having any sort of potential for being a,,,cute, innocent, “oh no so saddd :((“ golden retriever prettyboy with a heart of gold. My man does not have a heart of gold, and I will die by that. He has a heart of fiercely believing what he thinks is right, and valuing that + his pride over things like empathy and love. He’s a man of his own personal law, not a man of sweet adorable innocence. He’s not your pookie, he’s one hell of a bitch.

He’s most of the reason why im going through the whole series to create a perfect, detailed tapestry of every way Garroth speaks, thinks, ticks, moves, feels, what he believes, what his morals are, where he aligns himself, his best and worst personality traits, why he’s loved by others and why he loves Aphmau in the first place, why he turns on her, how he feels about Zane, whether or not he values his pride above anything else, including love and care and empathy for others. I understand Laurance and Aaron like the back of my hand, but Garroth? Not so much. I’m always guessing with this man. So like… at this point in my research, the data is unclear. I’ll get back to the question of, “What does Aphmau mean to Garroth exactly? What would it mean for him to lose her?” when I figure out the rest lmao

Plus, it’s a little harder to approach the question of “what would it mean for him to lose her” when it comes to Garroth specifically, because he like. totally throws her to the wolves later, he kicks her ass to the CURB lmao, so like- whatever he gets in losing her, it’s clearly not terrifying or dire enough for him to actually give a shit about keeping her around when his ego gets tested lmao

(It’s also harder for me to understand MCD!Aphmau as a character, so im also going down this character analysis journey for her sake as well, but anyway)

Aphmau, surprisingly, isn’t really phased at all by what she just witnessed, in terms of seeing her boys react so embarrassingly. To be fair, she is the author, so if their reactions are ethically fine to Jess, then they’d be ethically fine to Aphmau, and I fully think that’s why. But there’s also the fact that she’s not really having any reaction at all in general, she doesn’t talk to the boys about it, she doesn’t confront them about it, she doesn’t check on them to ask what that was about and if they’re okay, and I think that’s because, narratively, this scene isn’t intended by design to leave much of an impact on Aphmau personally. Most of them aren’t. Sometimes MCD!Aphmau is a character more than anything else, but a lot of the time she functions as little more than a walking camera for the audience. That scene wasn’t designed to leave a lasting emotional impact on Aphmau as a character, as a complicated, in-depth person, that scene was designed to allow the audience to watch a juicy moment of drama where we get to see the boys witness their “worst fear!!!” and get mega jealous. If I were to come up with how Aphmau would be feeling about her boys’ reaction to the illusion, I would probably be extrapolating into the land of variable subjective headcanon and, to a degree, starting to make shit up. Which is what I mean about how she’s harder to read as a character because she’s more of a vessel than anything else, half of the time. She’s a camera for her YouTube audience to see what she’s written, and she’s the author reacting to dialogue and events as if she were immersed in the world, but throughout S1, Aphmau’s not really fully a character yet. I think S2, when we drop the video cam in the corner and treat her more like a narrative pov instead of a YT streamer’s camera, is when her personality starts to get a lot more fleshed out and she starts reacting to things and being impacted by things more properly.

In a way, you could use that as fuel to write an arc for her that’s based on the concept of what makes us a person. In others eyes (Irene correlation), in our loved ones’ eyes (with all the general objectification done by Garroth and Laurance if you’re keeping that in), and in our own.

Anyway, Aphmau does something super sweet and adopts Malachi as her own. New son gained! Where the others see a dangerous and unpredictable threat, Aphmau sees a child playing with things it doesn’t have the emotional maturity/capacity to understand. This proves her high empathy, forgiving nature, and,,,uh. maternal instincts, probably.

I do love Laurance calming the fuck down to see this from a more empathetic perspective as well. He says he’s an orphan too (he’ll be a 2x orphan after the timeskip🔪) so he can’t help but sympathize with the little lad. He reacted the most violently to the illusion, but he’s also the quickest to open up to the idea of Malachi being his new baby, so,,, I. I dunno. Hey I’ll take a Laurdad moment wherever I can get one lmao

It’s sweet that he’s at least trying to do the same thing Garroth did when he found out Aphmau would be taking in a kid to raise as her own. He wants to make sure she isn’t handling it alone, that he shares some of the burden and helps her out, supports her in this responsibility and journey.

Lmao i feel bad for Dante. What a way to make a first impression on your newest little friend lmao. “Welcome to the guard!!! (WE WILL BOTH PERSONALLY EVISCERATE YOU AND TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB IF YOU EVER SO MUCH AS THINK OF ROMANTICALLY PURSUING OUR CRUSH. ONE WRONG MOVE AND WE’LL FUCKING KILL YOU)”

also right after Aphmau and Dante get down from their position up above witnessing Laurance and Garroth’s fear responses, Dante tells Aphmau, “Aphmau, that child is a spectre! get away from it, be careful!!!” and Laurance retorts to him with a “SHE can do WHATEVER she WANTS, EXCUSE YOU”

and i can’t help but like… laugh at that, coming from laurance lmao. like. i know it’s related specifically to handling the ghost and he’s just being snarky here, but. laurance my guy you are the exact reason why she can’t do whatever she wants. like you and Garroth are single-handedly the number one reason why Aphmau actually isn’t allowed to do “whatever she wants” with her life and her choices. like you just barely proved that pretty damn strongly lmao. if there’s any way Aphmau is being unreasonably restricted from being free to do whatever she wants with her life, it is like. most certainly your own fault my guy

I have literally drawn this moment because of how much it means to me. It is the banner for my profile, as of writing this. I fucking love Laurdad. I do like that the boys kinda have their own favorite kid that looks like them, Garroth has Levin as his number one favorite son with the blonde hair and blue eyes, and Laurance has Malachi as his favorite son, and though i know Mal looks a lot more like Vylad than anything else, I think he’s based on Laurance in the same way Levin is obviously based on Garroth. He has brown hair like Laur, and though he has green eyes and currently Laur has blue, he used to have bright green eyes before the Nether. And if the orange was hair dye, then that means Laurance’s natural, unaltered appearance would be brown hair with green eyes. Just like Mal. Not to mention the fact that Malachi and Laurance also share an orphaned past and a life bound by the supernatural, creepy, and even disturbing undead. Of course Laurance “The Doomed One & Our Vampire Allegory” Zvahl’s kid would be the creepy undead one <3

This move also integrates Laurance solidly into Aphmau’s family unit. Previously, he could have just been seen as Levin’s occasional babysitter, or an uncle figure, but now he is solidly one of the dads. And with it, I wanna bring attention to one of my utmost favorite things in Minecraft Diaries by far—The Aphmau family unit. Let me spell something out for you: We have four children, only one that’s biological and three that are all adopted, one that’s a supernatural former ghost, with two moms, and two dads, four parents in total. That is NOT a heteronormative nuclear family unit. That’s a weird-ass family unit to have!! Three adopted kids, one biological kid, two moms, two dads, and NONE of them are married, or even officially dating. And the narrative never views them as weird!!! It’s never commented on by any of the characters how strange it is that these adopted kids have 4 parents at once, or even that they have a single mom as their only “official” parent! It’s never questioned! It’s never judged! They’re treated as normally and kindly as anyone else, and you know what’s really awesome? Instead of judging and scorning Aphmau for being a single mom, everyone in her vicinity immediately offers up as much support as they can. The whole village cares for her and her wellbeing and success. Logan (and probably Donna and their children by proxy as well) takes good care of her kids whenever the town is in danger, and he helps Zoey raise and take care of the boys during the timeskip. The town throws baby showers to celebrate each child and give Aphmau all these gifts, probably to make her life easier as a mom! Garroth and Laurance never question her ability to raise her children on her own, instead they automatically take the extra responsibility of helping out as co-parents without any fight or hesitation or apprehension or scorn. They just…automatically sign themselves up as parents, because Aphmau’s a mother now. They recognize that being a single mom is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility to carry—so they choose to help!!! Just- automatically!!! Without any resistance!!! And they LOVE being dads!!!!! They’re not even married!!!!!!!! Do you have any fucking clue how rare odd/unusual and arguably revolutionary family units are in fiction??!?!?!?! The only non-traditional family unit in fiction I can remember seeing consists of like…all the tragic shows and movies and video games I’ve seen out there about a single father or mother + their kids, which is still much more normal than whatever Aphmau’s got going on, and like… Steven Universe, with one kid, four moms, and one biological dad, and the only people who are married in that situation are two of the lesbian moms that are not biologically related to Steven. That’s the only family unit in fiction I’ve seen that’s comparable to MCD!Aphmau’s. Aphmau’s family means soooooo sososo fucking much to me man.

(oh! and Aaron has a biological kid of his own that he had from a different marriage, so Alina and the others have a half-brother through him, and Zoey has a son that we never ended up seeing, so he’d probably count as some kind of,,,,uh,,,half,,step brother? from her? so in reality there are six kids, with the extra two being from previous marriages, one widowed and one basically divorced. those other two kids are just. uh. out of commission, so to speak)

Also, that means Vylad and Zane are uncles to Aphmau’s children, and Cadenza is their aunt. And Hayden, Joh, Zianna, and Garte are all grandparents. Levin should meet his uncle Vylad at some point, I think that’d be really sweet

...Speaking of Aaron~

THE MAN!!

THE MYTH!!

THE LEGEND!!

ABS MAN!!!

Its the alpha male of your dreams (or your worst nightmares), the man who refuses to let his Sick Fit conform to the ways of “time periods” and “a medieval fantasy setting” or heaven forbid the laws of “temperature and body heat,” the man blinded by his scarf who somehow still has perfect aim, the definition of mysterious brooding tall dark and handsome, the insufferable jackass with a true heart of gold, the man whose flashing the biggest sword out of all the other sexy boys in the cast and yes im talking about the weapon— AARON LYCAN!!!!

Hate him or love him, it’s good to see you again, man.

Dude, MCD Aarmau is wild when you actually look back at it. You thought Laurance and Aphmau got off on a bad foot? Try these two. They’re strained and clashing for a looong time before they become close. They are a rollercoaster.

Aaron is cold, stern, and completely closed off from the world. He lives in an abandoned, arctic wasteland without any hope for human civilization miles away. He’s completely isolated himself, and he’s hellbent on staying that way. He’s brash and harsh and icy to those around him in an effort to push them all away, because of the trauma in his past. He has trust issues and a hellish amount of anger in his system because my man is not handling the mourning and grief of his wife and son well at all. There was a severe amount of injustice in how they died, they were innocents murdered by a man causing destruction just for the fun of it, for kicks, and he’s furious that they’re gone and furious with Zane and furious with trusting strangers ever again, and it bleeds out a lot into everything else. But I think he also harbors a lot of self-loathing and guilt (exactly like Garroth and Laurance) over the death of his family and his village. I think he blames himself for it. He blames Zane, yes, he’s furious that Zane murdered an entire innocent village, including his wife, his son, his childhood friends, and the head guard that raised him (sounds an awful lot like agent r to me, but that’s just a headcanon) and burned down his childhood home and likely any remnants of his father and family and anything he ever held dear—but he also feels like it was his fault that it ever happened in the first place. Maybe if he hadn’t taken the amulet, maybe if he had just taught his son to be slightly more wary of strangers, maybe if he had found Zane first, none of that would have happened. Maybe if he hadn’t failed, they would all still be alive. I wouldn’t be surprised if Aaron was a victim of survivors guilt as well, feeling guilty that he was the only one who survived, when they all had such potential for wonderful lives they should have been allowed to live, not him. The life his son was supposed to live, how his son was supposed to outlive him, not the other way around. Maybe he hates himself for surviving. The grief of all of that would be fucking crushing. I can see how, in a depressive state that far down, a man like him would isolate himself, cut himself off from ever loving or caring for anyone again, because he’s so fucking terrified of losing them the same way—of losing them because of a mistake he made. So it’s better to be cold, to not care, to never give a shit about anyone else and spend the rest of his days utterly, miserably alone, punishing himself with his isolation in the freezing cold that could very well kill him at any moment. Fighting werewolves, something that could very well kill him if he made one wrong move, and only holding onto his anger as the only emotion that could possibly keep a man that depressed and traumatized and psychologically torn to shreds still standing, still moving, still pressing onwards despite the weight of it all. Because what else does he have to live for, if not to avenge everyone that died? Maybe if he avenged them by killing Zane, it would make right his sins. Maybe then, he could finally allow himself to rest, to stop moving and searching for him, to lay down in the snow and finally join his family in peace.

His self-imposed isolation is supposed to make him look all cool and mysterious and brooding, but I can’t take that seriously for the life of me lmao, so I’m gonna see it for what it really is: Self-destructive behavior. Constant, never-ending self-destruction, harming himself and his livelihood out of blood-bleaching terror, guilt, shame, grief, anger, fatigue, and despair. He is not handling his trauma well at all, so he pushes everyone away all the time…but that’s never going to be enough to erase his heart. Not completely.

He could have left Aphmau to die. It would have been easy. But what kind of person would he be, if he let someone else die, again? If he had the ability to stop it, and once again, he fucking failed them? He couldn’t possibly. He doesn’t want to be seen as nice, he doesn’t want anyone to like him, to grow attached to him and try to keep him around. Maybe because he doesn’t intend on sticking around. But no matter how hard he tries to smother it out, he still has a big heart underneath. The heart of someone who desperately yearns for love, for human connection that he hasn’t experienced in years, the whimpering and weak man who just wants his wife back, who wishes he could be a father again. Who has enough compassion to help out those in need, even if he tries to convince them he’s actually not very nice. Who has enough compassion and quiet, tender, shy, soft fatherly love in him left to treat Nekoette with a gentle patience and kindness, who would wholeheartedly participate in a tea party picnic with Nekoette if she begged him to. And you just know he would take that princess tea party very seriously, only to snark Aphmau, Laurance, or whoever found him sitting on a tiny plastic pink chair with a teacup perfectly poised in his hand, pinky raised. Aaron as a character is wise, emotionally mature, much more so than Aphmau, Garroth, Laurance, or like,,, most of the entire fkin cast lmao. In every universe, Aaron is the one who holds the brain cells. Notably, in MCD only, he’s also a former Lord. This gives him a level of experience and wisdom that Garroth and Laurance and most others don’t have, and it puts him on equal footing with Aphmau, as opposed to the imbalance of servant x idol that’s embedded deep into Laurmau and Garmau’s relationships, mainly due to being her knights. So if ever Aphmau needs help or advice or aid in handling Lordship, Aaron is the one who can and would give it to her, and MCD!Aaron isn’t gonna sugarcoat that shit. (yes I know Garroth is “technically” a lord in canon but he never went back to take his throne, so he’s literally never served a day in his life as a lord. he has zero experience and rejects that role as much as humanly possible. he does not count)

His design in MCD is hilariously laughable (look at them big and plump frostbitten blueass man titties. his skin doesn’t have nips on it because he’s already lost them to the arctic tundra. look at that pyramid stud-lookin hot topic belt with those emo black ripped skinny jeans. do you think his jeans are skin-tight to the curvature of his ass. do you think that whole ass is out, in the snow, in the mountains, in -0 degrees weather. do you think it claps when he walks. you can hear it echo across the mountainside from miles away. it’s his calling card. the abs count as armor plating, they deflect the blades of swords and even the hardest of werewolf claws. why? because the steel of the sword may be hard but aaron is harder. he leaves behind adidas footprints when he walks) but I do like him as a character lmao. We’ve entered DILF territory from here on out guys

nevermind guys I take back any prior frustration. i love them. guys look at them they’re so fucking CUTE aaAAUUGH they love each other <3

I love love love that they included an apology. I love that they fight, but then they make up!! They step back to cool off, and when they do, they come back to each other and apologize earnestly for everything they said and did while they were arguing. They really don’t like fighting each other. It’s SO sweet. It’s so sweet that they care about each other that much to admit they were wrong, for their love for each other they’ll forgo their prides and beg for forgiveness. I love seeing a glimpse into Garroth’s softer side in how he treats Laurance. He was the one getting insulted the most in that fight, and yet he’s the one who first turns right around and apologizes earnestly and insists that he was the one in the wrong, no matter what. He really does feel bad, he regrets what he’s done wrong and returns to Laurance to tenderly beg for forgiveness. And Laurance is more casual and carefree about it, shrugging off Garroth’s insistence that Laurance was justified and apologizing too for his own brash attitude. With how he’s talking here, i could almost vividly, perfectly capture the small smile on his face as he’s speaking. They should hug and hold hands and Garroth should cup his face in his big ol palms and they should hug and clutch each other close and then they should get married /silly

This episodes also an important point to spotlight the beginning of Laurance’s descent. Oh, to be doomed to become someone’s Judas.

In his description, Laurance paints an image that is honestly horrifying, with losing literal control over your body but being forced to watch as something else, something well beyond your mortal control, a worse and warped, inhuman version of you, takes over your body and your words and does everything it can to destroy everything around you. It’s like he’s getting possessed. It removes your inhibitions and your filter and pushes you to be so much angrier than you normally are, artificially pushing you over the edge and encouraging you to spit venomous words and do everything you can to start a fight and draw blood and get violent. I wonder how much regret and fear Zenix feels, if that’s true. But it does imply that Laurance’s angrier moments, the times he’s meaner and sharper and crueler, they’re unlike him and a deviation from his natural state, artificially caused by his demonic descent into madness and bloodlust.

i luv men <3

Laurance being petty and snarky, he’s the one who always starts fights, Dante isn’t the one who starts them but he’s the one who gets caught up in them, and Garroth is always the one to settle them. Garroth’s the one in the group with enough maturity to tell them all to stop fuckin bickering over meaningless things. And Aphmau’s outside of the arguments—but she insists she wasn’t the one who got them lost. But as a whole she prefers to stay away from any and all bickering in general. Garroth keeping track of where their priorities and responsibilities really are and yanking them back on track when Laurance veers off on a distraction and Dante easily follows.

Then Aphmau gets arrested/almost arrested for the third time now.

Aphmau gets turned into a dog per Lucinda’s escape plan, and i love the contrast in Laurance and Garroth’s reactions. Garroth gets mega worried and freaks out, and meanwhile Laurance just trusts Aphmau to always know what she’s doing, even if shit gets wacky and weird, he’s still down! He’s all for it! Let’s get weird! He says she’s lookin’ good! Garroth asks that she PLEASE be safe PLEASE please be SAFE and meanwhile Laurance is just like “knock ‘em dead baby 👉👉” Garroth is a worrywart pacing a path into the floor of the cell, while Laurance is much more adventurous and always down to clown. They’re opposites!

these two are a never ending rollercoaster on studying the portrayal and varying extent of empathy vs ego. Maybe i need to rethink prior assessments about these two. I’m learning just as you guys are as you follow me along this journey, I’m making this up as I go, so naturally I expect myself to start getting certain shit wrong. Maybe my previous assessment of “Garroth has lower empathy than laurance” wasn’t entirely correct. But I still feel like I need to figure out some sort of solid, in-depth explanation for why Garroth betrays them later on… It’s this interesting dichotomy Garroth’s character poses to me. Perhaps I need to shift my paradigm. I’m focusing on the wrong things, simplifying my assessments based on surface-level reactions and traits, looking at the equation from the wrong angle.

Here, Laurance reiterates the idea I’ve so far assumed, and it’s that Garroth is a very pride-based man. Not as in he’s particularly arrogant or haughty or full of himself, not in the slightest. Just that his pride, his ego, is one of his highest priorities. When it’s wounded, it cuts him so much deeper than it would for other characters, like Aphmau or Aaron or Dante. And that was my explanation for why he behaves the way he does in certain circumstances, especially and mainly at his worst, and how it affects his view of Aphmau. When he’s at his worst, from what I remember and presume, he seems to act very pridefully, and there’s a consistent emphasis on “Garroth’s pride” throughout the latter half of S1, like right now. So it’s certainly at least…an aspect of him, of his values and core pieces that influence his decisions and the way he thinks. He’s not full of himself at ALL, he’s actually severely insecure, and that’s why he’s a man of wounded ego, and men of wounded egos can often do… drastic and unfortunate things. Like leaving his loved ones and his entire town to die in a critical time of war, or even sacrificing his life because he sincerely feels like his loved ones are better off without him.

But I think where I assume incorrectly about his character is in the latter half of what Laurance points out: His pride doesn’t stem from selfishness. His pride stems from selflessness, and an extreme, empathetic excess of it.

That’s fascinating. I’m gonna need to chew real hard on that.

Laurance says, “What he’s most proud of is the people he cares for - he invests too much of himself in them and while I don’t believe that to be a bad thing, he invests ALL of himself into them, which IS a bad thing.” What this demonstrates is high empathy, or empathic behavior. And I do trust that Laurance knows Garroth intimately enough by this point to know Garroth’s real and honest flaws, I think he’s fully telling the truth about him and would make a brutally honest, accurate assessment of his character. I trust Laurance’s assessments of Garroth more than I’d trust anyone else in the cast and much more than I’d trust my own lmao. He’s painting the picture of how Garroth has such immense empathy and intense love and care and compassion for everyone around him, that he doesn’t see them for the swindling or wicked or heartless people they really are. I don’t feel like Laurance is correct or telling Hard Objective Facts when he claims his own method and approach is better than Garroth’s, but he is correct when he assesses that Garroth’s sensitive heart may lead him to falter with or possibly refuse to do something like killing Zenix, if push came to shove. I doubt that Garroth is exactly a doormat? He doesn’t seem to be much of a doormat to Zane, I mean. Or to any of the other more run-of-the-mill threats they come across. And it’s not exactly doormat behavior to betray your father’s commands by escaping your toxic family to a brand new, healthier, better life for yourself. He’s not a doormat, I think Laurance is referring to Garroth hesitating before taking a crucial strike, because he loves Zenix with his whole heart, while Laurance wouldn’t hesitate to kill Zenix on sight (ironic lmao).

And maybe this is more true than my theory of Garroth not caring as much as he seems. In how Mystreet!Garroth still smothers Zane in love despite all the years of unrelenting insults and bullying and cruelty his brother throws on him, because he sees the best in his brother and struggles to think that he would actually hate him. In how MCD!Garroth worries and paces holes into the floor as he desperately tries to think of a way to get everyone out alive, and how he frets when Aphmau gets turned into a wolf pup. In how he comes back to apologize earnestly to Laurance and struggles to wrap his head around how Laurance could be in the wrong, too, even if he so obviously is. In how he dedicated his life to the woman that gave him a guard tower, because he’s so immensely grateful for her gifts and occasional kindnesses that he tries to give his life to her in return.In how Garroth saw the way Zenix acted and spoke and behaved, which was rude, crass, insulting, rebellious, rebuking him and challenging him regularly and being difficult and always suggesting unethical or morally shitty alternatives to doing anything (if Rebirth is anything to go by) and it had never occurred to Garroth that he could be a bad person or a jackass or anyone who would betray him.

Which is why I actually really dislike Rebirth!Garroth much more so than MCD!Garroth, because where Garroth is occasionally cold and prideful, Rebirth!Garroth is straight up harsh and angry and resentful and bitter. When I think of Rebirth!Garroth losing Zenix, deadass you’d have to write me an essays worth of proof just to convince me his reaction to losing Zenix wouldn’t be “Oh, thank god. I’m so glad that insufferable brat is gone.” Where MCD!Garroth is tender and soft and redeemable at his worst, Rebirth!Garroth is severely annoyed with everyone and anything and hates his life and doesn’t want to be here and never wants Zenix to speak ever again lmao. Man im FAR from a Garroth fanboy and even I feel like Rebirth butchered my boy.

Garroth is a more lawful character, especially when you contrast him with Laurance, but that doesn’t mean he’s…a stern, no-nonsense, disapproving prude. He redirects their focus when Laurance takes them off track, and he dislikes how inappropriate Laurance behaves when he’s acting like a misogynistic fuckboy and harassing girls who don’t want his advances lmao, but there’s never been a point thus far where he criticizes Laurance’s chaotic or adventurous or playful personality. He doesn’t like him sexually harassing others who feel uncomfortable with his advances, he thinks of it as ungentlemanly of him, but have you noticed that he hasn’t brought that up even once since Laurance’s return from the Nether? Aka, when Laurance dropped the fuckboy act? Laurance still flirts with Aphmau on the regular now, but Garroth doesn’t speak of it as inappropriate anymore. He just gets flustered and jealous, but that’s all. And later on, he even admits to envying and admiring Laurance’s confidence to speak his mind. He admires Laurance’s boldness, just when it’s appropriate and not breaking anyone else’s boundaries. Once Laurance cuts the shit and starts flirting much more respectfully and kindly, he doesn’t mind so much. He’s not mortified by it, because he knows Aphmau is comfortable with it. He sees how he makes her laugh, and he’s grateful for it. He’s just a shy man who struggles to be that confident in his own life and relationships, so he wishes he had some of Laurance’s self-assurance and bravery. Maybe he shows some more disdain for Laurance’s,,,~promiscuity~ (lol) in the future and I just haven’t come across it yet, in which case I’ll correct myself if I do, but like. I’m just saying. We’re 71 episodes in now and he hasn’t talked shit about Laurance’s sexuality yet.

Like, I feel like if canon-accurate Garroth saw Laurance in some like,,,super sexy, revealing leather fit, his reaction would NOOOOOT be prudish shame clutching his pearls with disdain and disgust for how bold and Crude and Outlandish laurance is being. His reaction would be him shyly or nervously not knowing what to say, maybe stuttering, maybe getting flustered, and saying something about how he admires Laurance’s confidence and wishes he could be that cool. Maybe muttering under his breath about how he wonders if he could get Aphmau to look at him like that if he did the same, and then immediately shaking away the idea and shooing it away as quick as it came. Mystreet!Garroth would probably react more with a, “Woooow… Sexy! Hehehe, this’ll win you all the girls for sure!” ((REMINDS YOU LOUDLY OF THE TIME GARROTH CANONICALLY WORE NURSE LINGERIE FOR A COMEDY SKIT LAURANCE WAS FILMING)) At worst, his reaction would be a deadpan, neutral “Wow. Now that’s something you don’t see every day… Why am I not surprised?” but frankly if it were me, I’d give that reaction to Aaron! If you tweaked the dialogue a little, it’d suit Aaron much better than it would suit Garroth. And they’re supposed to contrast each other. Aaron is the stern, cold, “judgy,” deadpan one. Not Garroth. Laurance is adventurous and chaotic, Garroth is orderly and shy and a highly empathetic worrywart with a rare playful side when he’s comfortable (a side that’s completely brought to the focus in Mystreet), and Aaron is the deadpan, mature, wise, no-nonsense serious one that’s blown away by their crazier antics every time. Laurance is clever but not really wise, (MCD)Garroth is…uh. Mainly emotionally intelligent above anything else but not an idiot, responsible but not exactly wise, and Aaron is the wisest one out of all of them but lacks in other areas that the other two fill. ((—that being said, I do see a lot of people adding on Catholic guilt and shame to their versions of rewritten Garroth, and I think that’s cool <3 it suits him, fits in snug with his canon characterization, and in that case giving him more sexual shame and prudeish behavior would be very fitting. sadly im doing everything I can to not cover headcanons though lmao))

He never talks shit about Zenix’s more rude, judgmental, obnoxious, and brash behavior either, by the way. He never talks shit at all about how he used to act and behave, now that I’m thinking back. That’s something that’s entirely new to Rebirth. They cropped that in, that annoyance with Zenix’s behavior didn’t exist before. (it’s because they made Zenix more of a misogynistic creep in rebirth and didn’t want to seem like they were endorsing it lmao, but like. you could’ve easily salvaged their original, close, intimate bond by just. not making Zenix act like a misogynistic creep all the time. and then Garroth would have nothing to be angry about lmao. like that was optional. we could’ve gone without that just fine)

Laurance says, “what he’s most proud of is the people he cares for.” Most proud of the people he cares for… What does that mean? I don’t think he means that in any form of selfish way. I think he means that Garroth invests soooo so so much of himself into other people, to the point of not fully taking care of himself and his own needs. Maybe that’s how Lillian was able to get to him so easily. Because he doesn’t take care of himself first. Everyone else in the world is his priority before he’d invest in his own personal wellbeing. Aphmau is his highest priority above all else, pretty much everything he does is for Aphmau’s sake. He feels cautious and apprehensive about Laurance’s SK transformation because he’s worried for Aphmau’s sake. He stops their bickering for her sake, leaves PD to travel to the arctic for Aphmau’s sake, adopts a son for Aphmau’s sake, it’s in everything he does. So of course he would put himself as the last on his list, of course he would give up his own life for Aphmau’s. Maybe what Lillian was able to convince him of was make him see just how little he does something for himself. Maybe he was simply just…wounded, plain and simple, by Aphmau and Laurance getting together, no further resentment or vehement rage, maybe he felt betrayed that they progressed their relationship so much behind his back, despite how present he was in this three-way rivalry situation they have going on, despite Laurance knowing how much it all meant to him. He found them kissing in the woods, confirming a relationship. He saw them staying together at night and keeping secrets and growing all the more close and intimate, and meanwhile Laurance never told him a word, when he was so certain that he trusted he would. He was part of this strange, three-way waiting game, and surely it looked exactly like all of a sudden he’d been booted out of the group dynamic with zero explanation, like getting kicked out of your best friend’s group chat, and they start drawing away from you and ghosting you and never think to tell you why. That would make him feel wounded and betrayed, and if his heart is as big as Laurance says, if he invests soooooo so so so fucking much of his extremely loving heart into his relationships, suddenly getting kicked out by your dearest friends and isolated would feel horrible. And Garroth likely didn’t understand why they would do something like that, and it’s not like they’re communicating with him the answer lmao, they’re not even aware that he’s upset!! They just think he caught the flu!!! And Laurance assumes that’s why he’s upset, because he’s sick!!! Perhaps that makes it even more insulting, that it doesn’t occur to them that anything would be wrong. Of course they wouldn’t even notice that he’s gone. And when they do notice his absence, they STILL don’t acknowledge getting together or what they’ve actually done, it doesn’t occur to them at all that he’d be upset about them leaving him behind. I can see why he’d be angry. Garroth thinks he’s been abandoned, this sensitive and already very reserved and bad-at-talking-about-his-feelings man who struggles so much to feel like he deserves to be loved, he assumes they don’t want him as their intimate companion anymore and shuts himself away from the world from how horribly his heart is broken—and that’s when Lillian meets him.

Maybe Lillian puts the idea in his head that this was an intentional move on Aphmau and Laurance’s part, that they were excluding him on purpose, because they don’t like him anymore. Because Laurance betrayed their entire previous bond and agreement and competition not by finally “getting the girl,” but by never telling Garroth and silently booting him out of the group by keeping Aphmau all to himself and abandoning Garroth, never even telling him or communicating with him or checking on him to see if he’s okay with everything going on, or letting him know the news of what’s been going on and checking how he feels with it all. Instead of handling it with the kind of equal respect and open, honest communication and,,,frankly, love and close intimacy, that they were treating each other with before, he feels like Laurance just… swooped in, took his prize, and both he and Aphmau completely dropped Garroth, both as a lover but as their friend, when he was no longer relevant to them anymore.

Maybe Lillian reminds him of how little he does anything for himself. Maybe she shows him how much he did for them and how much he loved them both, and told him how little they love him in return, and such a revelation would be crushing for a heart like his. And poor, wounded, isolated, naive Garroth believed her, because the damage had been done, and then anger brewed. Anger that made him stubborn, anger that made him want to close off his heart in an extremely volatile way. I wonder if Lillian had never been part of the equation after the initial illusion, he still would’ve shut himself away from the outside world for a few days, but maybe he wouldve been less angry, as he would’ve had more time. Maybe like the apology he gave Laurance in the manor when they were fighting, he would eventually cave to his heart and come out, reach out to Laurance, assuming he already knew everything that was going on, and beg him to simply talk to him and explain why he doesn’t want him around anymore—only for Laurance to immediately correct him and insist no no no no, why would you ever think that? you and Aphmau are the most special and dearest people in the world to me, why would you ever think I don’t want you around anymore? And then they’d figure out that there was an illusion, Aphmau and Laurance would explain the whole secret amulet nightmare hell they’ve been tangling with lately, apologize profusely for accidentally making Garroth feel like he was worthless by keeping him out of the loop with all of that, and they’d clear it all up and have a good cry and everything would be happy hunky-dory and they go beat Zane’s ass.

I think Lillian’s influence is what brought out, seeded, and festered Garroth’s anger. The heartbreak was the unfortunate coincidence of two things colliding, Laurance and Aphmau accidentally drawing away by keeping secrets and Garroth distancing himself like the reserved and shy/uncertain man he always is, and the illusion Lillian planted to make Garroth think Laurmau getting together was why. And not what it really was, which was like… crazy espionage death threat spy bullshit making them grow more private and secretive than before. And in reality, Aphmau and Laurance still really deeply loved Garroth during all of that and were really really worried about him when he withdrew and locked himself away to cry in his bedroom for 42 hours (which is a reasonable response). Maybe if Lillian hadn’t been there, when Aphmau came to check on him and try to speak to him and just…letting him know that they miss him and they’re here for him whenever he’s ready to come out, maybe he would have actually gotten up and answered the door and spoken to her then, and they would’ve worked things out.

I can’t help but think about how Garroth probably was raised to believe that he was unloveable, growing up. Especially if everything Zane tells him in all/both universes is anything to go by. He did say that Zane started copying and learning from his father’s terrible behavior, once Garte started turning more corrupt. Perhaps they made him believe that no one would ever want to love someone as stupid, naive, gullible, useless, incompetent, foolish, bumbling, childish, oversensitive, dramatic, emotional, soft, and weak as him (based on how Zane insults him). So when Lillian and Zane come in while he’s vulnerable, while he feels heartbroken and betrayed and isolated and abandoned, and he doesn’t know why, and he can’t understand this difference in their behavior, they swoop in and whisper in his ear the idea that all the things the cruel voice in his head says to him is true, that it’s always been true that no one would ever love him, and only now, now that Aphmau and Laurance have left his worthless heart behind, can he see the truth. But not to fear, because Zane sees his potential for what it truly is. Zane’s always been right about him, he knows his brother better than anyone else, and no matter how far he tries to run, Zane will always find him, and be here for him. See, Zane has a place for him. Lady Aphmau may not want him anymore, but Zane does. His family wants him. They have a purpose for him, a way for him to mean something, a home he can never run away from, a home that will hold him, even if their hands are cold and their hearth is even colder, even if it’s nothing like what he really wanted—but what he wanted out of love and life and family was impossible to achieve, now was it? Nothing but the stupid, silly, childish dreams of a bumbling, foolish man that made up a fantasy that could never happen in the first place. His family will always be here, behind him. Waiting for him. Pulling him back. His family will always be the only thing that’s true.

So he comes back. He drops his home at Phoenix Drop, he returns to Zane’s side, and he joins the Jury of Nine. In his despair, he lets go of the new family he’d made, his children, his loved ones, his home, the town he raised Zenix in, the friends he’d made, the memories he’d made over the years, everything he’d ever cared for and needed and valued most above all else, he throws it all away and it kills him on the inside, but he burns with anger for how he was betrayed. Much like Aaron’s poor handling of his own grief turning into anger that pushes everyone else away, he pushes everything away, isolates himself even further, continues to spiral down this lonely pit of utter self-destruction, because he believes every word Zane tells him. He’s furious, he’s grieving, he’s depending on Zane as his only direction left, the only family and home and love he could ever have left, like a dog licking for love off of knives. Not because he doesn’t actually give much of a shit about Laurance and Aphmau, but because he loves them so fucking much. Because he can’t imagine any other life without them, and he’s furious that they burned that to shreds in front of his eyes, because goddamn it they were all he had. He’s angry that they didn’t seem to love him as much as he loved them, and now he has to settle for his worst nightmare, because his executioners and abusers are the only ones who actually want him in their grasp. And if no one else will hold him, then he might as well settle for the embrace of his killers. And that’s horrible, that’s unfair, that’s unjust, that’s wrong, but it’s all he has now. And that’s why the moment Laurance starts confronting him like he cares about him, starts breaking down the manipulation Lillian and Zane fed to him and indirectly proving to him that, oh, wait, they do care about him, wait, they do want him back and in their lives, and he realizes the mistake he’s made.

And that’s why he immediately turns on Zane and starts fighting him instead, dedicating the rest of his life to undoing the damage he’s done by saving his loved ones and fending off Zane. The real reason why Laurance gets through to him, and why he feels like he needs to sacrifice his life for them, and why he finally fucking tells Aphmau how much he loves her. And oh, god, how much that means for him to say.

Ok i’ll flesh out the details of that and work that into something way more closely aligned with canon when we actually get to those scenes, but like. i need you guys to realize something lol. I went on this journey to better understand the relationship dynamics of Garmau, Garrance, and Laurmau so I’d feel more comfortable rewriting my MCD rewrite fic to include more of them, yes, but I also went on this journey purely just to convince myself to actually like MCD Garroth Ro’meave. Before this point, with this Laurance screenshot forcing me to rethink everything, I was a bigtime MCD!Garroth hater. I have despised him up to this point. And all of that just changed my mind completely. I chained myself by the wrists to forcibly hold myself in Garroth Appreciation Purgatory until I reconsidered how I felt about him and Understood why MCD!Garroth was so widely beloved by the community. Until I knew every way he ticked and every way he thought and everything he ever felt, in hopes of convincing myself to appreciate him too, and my plan has succeeded. I have switched sides. I am a Garroth fanboy now. I get it now. I Understand him. I can finally unlock my chains and frolic here freely from this point onwards. I have learned to love my domesticated dog-coded boy who definitely listens to too much fuckin mitski. I get it now. you have no idea how much fucking work I’ve been doing to stay as impartial and nice and respectful with his character as possible lmao, I have had to step back and take breaks from how angry he was making me and now I am free. now i am. liberated. now i am. homosexual

No but genuinely I thought he only betrayed them because he was a bitchy jackass manchild crying over losing the dumbass game he’d literally been agreeing to play this entire time, but he didn’t end up having the emotional maturity or the balls to handle actually “losing.” guys I thought he was just a misogynistic possessive piece of shit crying over literally nothing of meaningful value and actively, spitefully, pettily choosing to burn it all to the ground, despite the mounds of logical evidence against his entire argument. i thought he was a fucking asshole this entire time. thats why I kept insisting he was a bitch and a prideful piece of shit. now I need to rethink everything. Disregard (almost) everything critical or deprecating i have said about Garroth Ro’meave before this point, I am wiping the slate clean, I am starting over with new lenses, and I will do my boy better proper justice now, i. i need to reassess everything now. goddamn it

I would like to return to a previous question I proposed about “How does Garroth feel about Aphmau exactly?” And answer part of it. And it’s the question I posed of, “is he truly more of a servant at his core, a loyal and domesticated obedient dog to those he idolizes and loves dearly? or does he harbor a dark side underneath, of the cruel and corrupt king that’s run by his pride, who wishes to possess and own all things as he desires and is petty and backhanded and cold?” And now that I see him more clearly—the answers entirely and absolutely the former. He is a servant. He is desperately begging for affection wherever he can get it, as silently as he can. If he has any Evil King bone in his body, there’s only like. one of them, and it’s outvoted every time by the hoard of other bones in his body that would cry if he accidentally stepped on his dog’s paw. The latter is a cool idea for an au, the former is closest to canon. In my opinion. My ever-shifting and evolving opinion.

When Garroth is upset and heartbroken, he listens to mitski. When Laurance is upset and heartbroken, he listens to The Neighborhood. I don’t know what Aaron listens to, but I feel like he’d listen to something from the old era of rock. But I’m not familiar with that genre at all, so old rock fans will have to fill in the gaps for me there

I know I said I’d go until the image limit, but oh my god I’ve written so much and I think I have at least 11 or 10ish more images/scenes to go. I’m so fkin tired. believe it or not I do in fact have a yapping capacity LOL

Before I fuck off to continue in a part 3, I want to leave you guys with just a fun little factoid of semi-canon information:

Garroth’s a lot like Fluttershy, Laurance is a lot like Rainbow Dash, and Dante is like Applejack, in Jess’s mind. Now, mind you, I have much more complicated opinions on what pony Aphmau is most like that im still working out, and personally I feel like it’s stupid and inane to only pick her pony based entirely and only off of the idea of “is it purple” and I feel like after reading all of this you would be able to tell exactly why im the kind of person who doesn’t like basic, surface-level character choices LOL, but atm im fighting somewhere between “aphmau is a LOOOOT like pinkie pie in personality” vs “oh but MCD!Aphmau specifically and uniquely shares a lot of the leadership and anxiety and some minute character details that Twilight Sparkle has, plus twi is purple” vs “I should examine the side/supporting/background cast of MLP:FiM to search for The Perfect Match for Aphmau because none of the mane 6 quite fit her perfectly exactly” so yaknow. it’s whatever. Rarity isn’t even an option I would consider for Aphmau. Rarity is Cadenza, Cadenza is Rarity, and that’s that lmao. Garroth = Fluttershy and Laurance = Rainbow Dash and Garrance = Flutterdash, and im very happy with that

But Zane is Princess Luna. Zane is in every conceivable way an exact replica of Princess Luna. Zane is Luna. End of story

[the-crimson]

I always love reading your takes and insight on q!bbhs character, you put what I keep thinking and see into words and is SO WONDERFUL to see someone get it :'). But speaking of which what do you think of q!bbh whole thing with anarchy rn?

Thank u so much :D I’m glad u appreciate my incoherent ramblings about a block man XD

Minecraft politics - and politics in general for that matter - are whole can of worms I usually try not to touch too closely. There is too much opportunity for misunderstandings and pointless arguments that discussions usually just feel like an excuse to get mad. So take all this in good fun, I’m not saying if q!bad is right or wrong to think this way, it’s not that serious lol

The thing we first need to understand is that - before the election - the islanders were essentially living in an anarchist commune. The federation existed but mostly left them alone and let them rule themselves, which they did. Everyone lived as they pleased and they all had an unspoken agreement: live and let live.

When someone became a problem, the islanders came together and dealt with it themselves. When Slime tried to kill all the eggs after Juanaflippa’s death, bbh, Jaiden, and Roier were able to talk him down. They held a trial - federation sponsored- but the islanders were the ones calling the shots. When Quackity plotted to murder the eggs, the islanders came together again and stopped him. When they were threatened by the code, the islanders came together to defend the eggs.

What is the point of a governing body? To create order and resolve conflict. The islanders were already doing this without a governing body. They didn’t need it.

What do most governments actually do? They consolidate power and oppress. Even the most benign progressive government is going to leave someone in the gutter. By creating a box to put society into, it is the very nature of the box that some things are not going to fit or are going to be forgotten.

This is what bbh is afraid of. This is why he dislikes government. Why should anyone have the power to decide that a few chairs going missing is a bigger threat to the island than land mines that cause ten times as much destruction? The actual principle of who is right is irrelevant. Why should someone have this power to decide for others what is an is not okay. Why should someone else tell you how to live your life if you aren’t hurting anyone.

Bad’s been saying this since the day the elections were announced. They don’t need this. A President is going to create unnecessary restrictions and is the gate way to federation overreach. Some people have said bbh is a hypocrite for running for office but it’d be even more hypocritical to do nothing. If you see a train barreling towards you and there is a lever within reach to change the tracks, would you not pull it? You could just step off the tracks but then everyone who is unaware of the danger behind you would still be struck.

I think q!bbh’s anarchism is one of the most misunderstood things about his character - partially because I think the common perception of anarchy is intentionally misconstrued by the media but that’s not a conversation to be had while I’m talking about block men XD

Thanks for the ask and I hope I answered ur question :3

[naggingatlas]

'thats not his role in the story!' hm i wonder what the point of it is then. hm i wonder what the dead pixel scene means. hm i wonder what wrong organ are trying to say with the context of 'awesome male friendship' and 'corporate hell where the only woman onboard is constantly under ridicule, abused or forcibly forgotten yet is the catalyst' if not this. hm i wonder how curly's physical agony being a direct parallel to anya's mental agony, stripped of voice, agency, just like her, and being forced to watch what happens while not doing jack shit, just like he used to, plays a part in this. i wonder what the moral of him being the final girl says about living with the consequences of your inaction, because of sentimentality, because of status, career and social. hm i wonder whatever the fuck this game was trying to say. hm i wonder what else is on this person's blog Oh Lord there's yaoi penice.

[wazzi2ya]

Octavia sees Blitzø as her replacement in Stolas' life. Blitzø sees Octavia as an addition to his own.

[bnhaobservation]

My personal feeling is that orignally Quirk counseling wasn't meant to be a big deal.

The chapters in which it comes up are: Chap 22 (a random line), chap 165 (not directly mentioned as they merely talk of counseling not of Quirk counseling), chap 226 (2 lines which are cut in the anime), chap 370 (a mention), chap 392 (it's not directly mentioned, we can only speculate the woman is there to give it), chap 430 (where all of sudden it seems the solution to all the problems) and chap 431 (where we're vaguely explained how the program works).

All this to say... Quirk counseling in the story wasn't a big deal until they decided it was the solution to all the problems, and during the Remedial Course Arc it wasn't even directly mentioned.

I think the remedial course arc was set up to help Shouto to deal with his own Villain.

Midoriya and Uraraka took part to the Shie Hassaikai arc. In it Midoriya deals with Eri (who's a child who can't control her powers and is exploited by an adult) and this could have helped him to deal with Tomura, while Uraraka deals with Nighteye's death and this helps her to move from the mindsetting "I want to be a Hero to help my parents" to the "I want to be a Hero to save people as I don't want to see anyone die" which might have helped her to deal with Himiko (who, after Jin's death, will be afraid Heroes are out to kill her).

Shouto wasn't in this arc so he couldn't learn anything to help him to deal with his Villain, so the Remedial Course arc, who comes immediately after the Shie Hassaikai arc seems there exactly for this reason.

I loved this speech from Gang Orca.

It remarks on the importance of creating a connection and it would have been important if Touya and Shouto could connect.

In the past Shouto already had a similiar discussion with Midoriya (in the arc that will see him meeting with Touya for the first time).

Kouta, who hates Hero society, can be viewed as a stand in for Tomura but also for Touya. In this exchange Shouto in the end told Midoriya he shouldn't butt in, as the situation is delicate.

One might see the Remedial course arc as an evolution of all this, the kids in it too have problems with society but Shouto this time is told he has to engage, that he can't just say, it's a delicate topic, I won't butt in because he has to 'save' those kids.

It would stand in parallel with how Shouto understood that Rei snapped and attacked him because she was driven to a corner and ultimately decided to engage with her.

The story seems to want to build up an arc for Shouto in which he'll understand if his brother turned into aVillain was because he snapped because he couldn't take it anymore, and that if he wants to stop him he has to engage and connect his heart with him, not bare his fangs at him and fight him like any other Hero would have done.

And then instead what we have when Shouto faces Touya?

A fight, Shouto being miserable but not connecting with Touya at all...

And why is that? Because the story needed so (I've discussed about it more in details here).

However, since Horikoshi decides Tomura, Touya and Himiko can't be saved, in order for the story to have a positive ending he needed to prove the FUTURE Tomura, Touya and Himiko would be now saved so enter Quirk counseling again, who only needed to be polished a bit by Uraraka and be joined by well meaning people without the slightest preparation to deal with kids with problems to work like a charm and stop what? half of the kids with Quirk problems to turn into Villains? The way they present it as the most essential initiative seems to imply they could be even more than a half.

Awesome how Uraraka could turn a flawed program into a perfect one and save the day. Too bad they hadn't thought at it sooner, isn't it?

Overall, I do get Horikoshi's idea but I this it's a bad one.

If Quirk counseling had to be the secret weapon to save the world... well, it needed to be a more integrant part in the story and a part of Uraraka's story.

So I don't think it's so much that Shouto was cut from it due to Horikoshi needing something for Uraraka to do... but that Shouto ended up cut from it when Horikoshi decided that no, Shouto wouldn't manage to connect his heart with his brother during the battle and Uraraka wouldn't manage to avoid having another person dying in front of her while she's helpless (actually let's give her a bigger trauma and make Himiko die to save her).

But with the Villains dying Horikoshi needed someone to save so what about saving the new generation of future Villains none of his readers cared about because they didn't exist yet?

But Shouto couldn't be involved because he now have enough to deal with due to the fallout of his family drama and Midoriya also has enough to deal with due to losing OFA so let's toss the burden on Uraraka who only lost Himiko.

Really, to me it feels more like Horikoshi went by exclusion than by logic.

Of course it's also possible I'm just being bitter. I don't like the idea to murder the Villains and I don't like the idea to entrust with a pollyannaish optimism the Quirk counseling to people who are well meaning but not trained at all into spotting and helping kids with problems.

People's opinion might differ from mine and love it but well, we can't all feel the same.

‘Remedial course’ arc Vs Uraraka's quirk counseling program in chap 431

So, in my Quirk counseling post I’ve already mentioned how Uraraka's quirk counseling program seemed to recycle the idea of the ‘Remedial course’ arc… which is not so great because the whole thing didn’t mention as involved in the program the people who had been involved in the ‘Remedial course’ arc, especially Shouto who was directly touched by Quirk problems in the family and troublesome Quirk related family situations (so he should/could also be invested in helping kids who have such problems) and the story didn’t even create a scene in which information about what happened in the ‘Remedial course’ arc could be passed to Uraraka as we never see Bakugou and Shouto talk about their lessons. The result is it either happened offscreen (possible but bad because it doesn’t acknowledge their contribute) or Uraraka somehow had the same idea that the guys in the ‘Remedial course’ arc had (possible but not great because it feels unoriginal).

But, okay, let’s put this aside for now.

What I really wanted to do now was a more in deep comparison between the two so let’s start with sum up some things about them, starting with…

THE STORY

‘Remedial course’ arc (RAC for short)

In order to get their Hero license a group of teenagers (Bakugou, Shouto, Inasa and Utsushimi) is taking part to a remedial course. During one of the lessons they’re asked out of the blue to take care of a class of kids from the Masegaki elementary school. The class is apparently composed SOLELY of troublesome kids which their teacher doesn’t know how to handle. The teenagers are expected to ‘transform the class’ by the end of the day, working together to win the class over. After various failed attempts they manage to use their Quirks and the kids Quirks to create a wonderful slide and have all the kids play with it. This impresses and tames the kids who become absolutely obedient and feel understood by them.

Uraraka's quirk counseling program in chap 431 (UQC for short)

A group of Heroes (Togata, Amajiki and Hadō) has volunteered to take part to Uraraka’s Quirk counseling program and, after reading the documents about the kids, they’re about to join them with Uraraka. Uraraka explains them that the most important thing is communication, that kids might seem to be fine but actually have troubles often related to their home environment and are wary of opening up but as they’ll have a time or longer to work with them, they’ll surely notice signs and that they just have to focus on making friends. The result is one of them (Togata) decides to challenge the kids to a game in which they should use their Quirk to hit his ‘peaches’. Uraraka helps with her Quirk a shy kid to do so. All the kids are impressed by his feat and things seem to go on smoothly.

Now that we’ve refreshed everyone’s mind let’s start comparing…

THE STRUCTURE OF THE TWO PROJECTS MORE IN DEEP

Who is aimed at: a class who apparently has only troublesome kids all of whom in need to be helped (RAC), a class of kids which might or might not have kids with Quirk related problems (UQC)

Who is supposed to help: 4 teenagers who’re studying to become Heroes (RAC), 3 adults who are Heroes [actually 5 adults if we count Uraraka and Asui but it’s unclear if they’ll stay to work with the other 3 or are just accompanying them and then will move to another school] (UQC)

How much preparation they have: none (RAC), they were given to read some documents about the kids and, as they walk there, they’re also given an EXTREMELY quick and vague explanation about how the program works [Uraraka and Asui might have more preparation but we don’t really know if they’ll stay] (UQC)

How much practical experience they have: none (RAC), none [again, Uraraka and Asui have experience but we don’t know if they’ll remain to help or move to another school] (UQC)

How much willing they were to help the kids: they had no idea they would have to help the kids and were given it as an assignment to get their Hero license (the fact in this particular case the teenagers involved also decided they wanted to help the kids for the sake of the kids wasn’t factored when their involvement was decided) (RAC), they volunteered (UQC)

How much time they have: a school day (RAC), a month which can be extended if there’s need for it (UQC)

Now… from this quick overview it’s clear while the UQC’s structure isn’t great… well, the structure of the RAC is a mess. Teenagers, in order to get their Hero license, are forced to deal with a class FULL of kid a professional teacher doesn’t know how to handle and are expected to solve their problems IN A DAY without having THE SLIGHTEST PREPARATION to do so. Having willing adults with a minimal preparation deal for a month with a class in which some kids might have problems is definitely a much better plan… at least on papers.

Well… technically even the story wants to claim the UQC is better, as the RAC shows the teenagers making various attempts (and failing more than once) before managing to connect with the kids, while the UQC shows Togata making a single attempt that works like a charm right from the start.

The problem is… Togata’s attempt is quite bad and shouldn’t have worked while the teenagers’ final attempt was good and could have worked, not to magically fix all the kids’ problems but to create a connection and help them.

Now, I’ll give the UQC a pass in the sense I won’t blame it specifically for how Togata’s attempt at making friends is, it’s clear that what Togata does suits his own personal brand of humor and idea on how to make friends (remember when he creeped Midoriya out by showing only his face all of sudden? And how he used the peach joke against Tomura?) and he wasn’t instructed by Uraraka or the Quirk counseling rules to do what he did.

At the same time, this is the UQC MAIN problem, it doesn’t instruct the people involved in how to approach with the kids, same as the RAC, but the RAC is a surprise test that’s more focused on seeing if the teenagers can do it than on helping the kids (I mean, the teenagers could fail, there was no guaranty they would succeed) while the UQC is focused on HELPING THE KIDS. The adults shouldn’t fail, they should be given all the means to succeed, they shouldn’t improvise, they should go there with a plan that should have chances to be effective.

Now… why Togata’s attempt shouldn’t have worked? (or, at least, he had serious chances to fail?)

Number 1 reason:

Togata challenges the kids and even mocks their failed attempts adopting a Villain persona. To him it’s a joke. Practically he would have increased the kids’ frustration or scared them or make them more aggressive or disappointed them because the Number 1 Hero is being so mean. He’s not yet friends with the kids so they wouldn’t know his way to act and how he’s only playing around and they’re young. They aren’t meant to be able to decode his behavior and figure out it’s a joke.

By the way we see Bakugou challenging the kids in the RAC and, guess what, it doesn’t work! Bakugou acting all aggressive doesn’t get him close to the kids, it increases the distance between them! In the end Bakugou will get close by acting mature and giving honest counsel from his own experience, not by acting like a scary and overly competitive guy, so who saw the RAC appreciates even less Togata’s act.

Number 2 reason:

The game Togata proposes is a competitive one, one means to have winners and losers. In short it’ll split the kids in two groups, where the winner group will likely be smaller than the loser group. His game doesn’t promote cooperation or equality. Think if among the kids there had been little Midoriya and little Bakugou. Midoriya would be out of the game where Bakugou would have more likely won. This would have boosted further Bakugou’s ego and made Midoriya feel even less… but no, Uraraka would step in and help Midoriya to win… which would have caused Bakugou to react angrily to the frustration or losing and complain that Midoriya won only because he was helped out… and likely the other kids would feel the same. Now you might argue this would help Togata to see the kids with problems but… this would also give the kids with problems ADDITIONAL problems. And what if no one had won and all the kids were to feel frustrated because they couldn’t win? Or what if that frustration had pushed them to go overboard with the use of their Quirk? Yes, there are Pro Heroes there so if something wrong happens they could theoretically handle it, but it’s only theoretically. A distraction can cause them to act too late. Now, okay, I can give Togata a pass on how his game apparently ignores how some kids could not have a Quirk that’s suitable for this (or be Quirkless), because he had read documents about the kids so he might know all the kids have Quirks that can help them. I can’t give him a pass for how he overlooked the fact that a competition can still make matters worse and doesn’t necessarily promotes troubled kids to open up or make friends with Togata exactly because it can make matters worse.

Compare with the RAC. The teenagers in the end realized they shouldn’t compete with the kids because this makes matter worse, as they aren’t other teenagers who can get friends by competing with them, they’re kids. So they set up a game in which each kid can take part as equal and have fun, a game with no winners and losers, a game that put value in the kids’ Quirks without putting a rank to the kids or their Quirks. All the kids get to have fun and all the kids get to be helped by the teenagers to have fun, all the kids are praised and feel appreciated and understood. This creates a good atmosphere between the kids and the teens. Realistically no, it wouldn’t magically solve the kids’ problems but it could help them to open up, to trust the teens.

Number 3 reason:

Togata’s game doesn’t really encourages Quirk positivity. Yes, the kids are allowed to use their Quirks but none of their Quirk would have allowed them to win (Ooshima did win only because he was helped by Uraraka) so all their kids would have turned out to be useless and not being praised. While yes, the goal here is clearly just to make friends, since this little segment was meant to show us how UQC works, it could have also shows us a game which implemented Quirk positivity but that’s not the case, where the RAC did show Quirk positivity (the material produced by the kids is praised and used to create the slides and Quirks which didn’t produce anything are praised for how helpful they could be in cleaning operations).

Number 4 reason:

After we’ve one winner, Ooshima, the timid, shy kid, is suddenly tossed in the spotlight and involved in Togata’s style of humor. For start this cements the idea we’ve one single winner and the rest are losers, instead than giving to the other kids the chance to win as well and became ‘all equal’ to him… but, what’s more, this is a risky move to use in real life if you don’t know well the kids as the other kids might react badly and, if something were to go wrong, this can also cause harm to Ooshima’s self esteem.

There’s no such risk in the RAC where as there are no winners and losers all the kids are equal and none of them is put under the spotlight.

Conclusion:

All of the above prove no one told Togata which are the best tactics to use to interact with those kids and make friends without risking to make things worse.

Being well meaning isn’t enough.

This should be a program that aims at helping kids so it should prepare people to do so, not just tell them ‘with time you’ll surely notice signs of problems so don’t focus on the papers but on making friends’. Signs of problems can escape PROFESSIONALS. Mistakes can be done by PROFESSIONALS. Yet here we’re expecting well meaning amateurs to fix things just by having them trying their best… when ‘trying their best’ wasn’t enough to save Tomura, Touya or Himiko.

Credits when it’s due, in Japan there’s the belief that with just effort you can surpass people with innate talent, that if you fail is because you hadn’t tried hard enough and that if you try hard you should succeed and there’s also a strong stigma against psychological help… so this should have influenced Horikoshi in creating the UQC, denying people preparation because a psychological approach is ‘bad’ and focusing on effort because it’s the key to do everything.

Plus, although this bit is meant to explain Quirk counseling, it seems Horikoshi planned it merely as a short moment more aimed at lightening the mood of the story than at really showing a good way to help the kids. Things go way too easy at the first try, with no one showing big signs of needing help. Ooshima might as well be just shy and this might not be due to Quirk related problems. Or he has problems but it’s hard to tell in such a short scene because there’s no real focus on the kids and their problems and how hard it could be to help them because the author here wants positivity and smiles and pass the belief that of course the children will be helped and everything will be all right.

In the end this bit is just an infodump, with light moments and focus on how Uraraka is doing such an important job that’s so time consuming but she claims it’s all ‘me time’ because she likes it.

So yeah, what we see is definitely inferior to the RAC which showed a concrete way in which teens and kids could connect and be of some help to kids.

I’ll conclude with something I’ve already said but that I still find worth repeating: it’s annoying the teens involved in the RAC were never said to have inspired or have been involved in the UQC. The teens’ experiences in the RAC ultimately weren’t used at all, when HERE they could have been put to good use. At the same time while it’s possible Uraraka figured the old Quirk counseling program harmed Himiko instead than helping her, Horikoshi gave the whole thing a too weak connection. I mean, the first time it was mentioned Midnight thought Tomura was like that because he didn’t receive Quirk counseling (meaning among Heroes there’s the belief Quirk counseling is good) and now Uraraka thinks Himiko is like that because the Quirk counseling she received wasn’t good enough and needed to be improved? Without Himiko ever mentioning it? It feels random, as if Horikoshi changed his plans all of sudden.

But okay, I guess with this I’ve finished talking about the topic.

All in all it’s a pity things went like that but this is what we have. Thank you for reading so far and sorry if it felt boring to you.

[synonymroll648]

headcanon that as sophie ages, she gets more and more off-put by how she still looks twenty at some age past 40. the only wrinkles she has are smile lines and a barely-there crease between her eyebrows that never leaves. no gray hairs. it doesn’t feel like there’s any physical evidence of how much stress aged her too fast.

(maybe she dyes more grays into her hair to feel better about her reflection, the more time passes by. maybe, on bad days, she contours wrinkles into her skin with makeup. maybe the bad days get more frequent as she ages outside the human lifespan. maybe.)

[lokh]

oughh i wanted to do a cute laishuro take on the blu ray extras (what if laios had been eaten instead) but lets be honest. they absolutely would not have made it as far without laios

[turkicgods]

At first, the god simply rolled his eyes, ready to try his very best to just let the others' words fall away from him like water to a ducks back. Yet there was a sentence there that caught him unawares, making him still, grinding every inch of him to a halt. You & your brothers & sisters were forced into a life you didn't deserve or ask for. The wording struck him harder than he'd ever thought possible, the strange and foreign notion that he and his siblings somehow deserved better than the lot they'd given? Was it odd to know that he'd never really considered that? That he could go against the grain, that any of them truly could?

Even Matyr hadn't fully turned his back on what he was, on his purpose. Maybe he was thinking too deeply into it, but that was his job, as a businessman, as a master manipulator, he had to be able to seed his way into every nook and cranny to understand and gain control from every angle possible, pull every puppet string available to him. But this? Did they deserve it? Did they deserve better? Did he deserve better? After all this time? After his life's work? His twisted view of humanity? His goal of harming the very planet they stood on all in an effort to further punish humankind for simply existing? Why? Because his father told him to.

Temir tried his best to remain unreadable, but the pain was there, hardening that confident expression, tainting it with the doubt that he'd spent so long trying to bury in the darkest crevices of his mind. "You don't know what we deserve... what I deserve." It was the most raw the god had been in a long time, since he'd last lowered his guard and opened up to the woman he'd loved only for it to be thrown back in his face. It frightened him, being so exposed, but for a moment, it was all he had left.

Instead of letting the thought ferment, he shook his head as if physically trying to shake it off. "You forget, information is easy to come by on Earth. Humans aren't exactly difficult to manipulate, particularly when that's your area of expertise. For the god of informants? He has eyes everywhere, spies everywhere... it's as easy as breathing. But gods outside our pantheon? Let's just say networking is more difficult to navigate without stepping on too many toes." He found it so easy to fall back into his usual manner, that air of confidence returning to him even though there was definitely a thick layer of it missing now. "Just like you don't know everything about us, we don't know everything about you. We hear snippets every now and then, gossip, but... it's not as though each pantheon sends out a monthly newsletter." It was a rather amusing thought though.

"And isolation? That means nothing. From what I understand, my dear uncle Ulgen lives in isolation. That doesn't mean he shares in your defiance. As for the sheer lack of other gods partaking in your delightful presence... like you said, this is your domain, it's protected. We have no way of knowing what you get up to in your own little world. For all I know, you could be having wild cocktail parties and fine soirees. I know of at least one of your pantheon who would approve." He explained so that the other could understand where he was coming from, shrugging his shoulders as he looked around him. "So, you'll pardon me if I take everything you say with a grain of salt. More so given how cosey you've been with my pantheon's sky gods. You have to understand how this looks from my point of view?" Though he neglected to mention what it meant on a more personal level. "This... is a lot to take in. Whether you're telling the truth or not, it's... a lot and I've invested my entire existence into the way I am now, to the life I live. How could I possibly turn back now? This is everything I have, everything I am."

HE LISTENS intently, never faltering or backing down as he watches the other god seem to continue his rant. It seemed part of the facade has vanished and now Temir spoke true, as Karthisius had hoped. It is far from perfect but at the very least it confirms a sinking suspicion he'd been having for QUITE some time now. That perhaps there was SOMETHING within Erlik's children that innately led them to craving more. HE WASN'T going to hold out hope for all of them, but at least SOMETHING had to be there.

"Perhaps, but it'll be ALL the more difficult for him to do so if he has to start from scratch now won't it? And YOU are here now. You & your brothers & sisters were forced into a LIFE you didn't deserve or ask for. It is COSMIC justice if you are all ABLE to reclaim your identities. I walked a MILE in those shoes once and I do not intend to allow anyone else to suffer such a fate."

THE NEXT STATEMENT causes Karthisius to frown, FROWN in a way that he so rarely did. It's HEARTBREAKING––heartbreaking to say the absolute least. How could A BEING be made so SMALL as to think their existence––their purpose––was their only source of value. It made his blood boil, but after a moment he draws in a QUIET BREATH, seemingly exhaling out his disdain with it.

"What becomes of those who FREE themselves of the tyranny is that they are given the choice on how they wish to live. MASTERS of their own being. The choice to be whatever it is they choose to be. No longer living under the TYRANNICAL iron fist of someone who by all rights should have NO SAY in what those beings become."

It sounded IDYLLIC, that much he knew for certain. Not everyone could believe in such things, and for a being who had lived so long with no sign of hope, he imagined it sounded silly. It's not until the INQUIRIES are turned on him that he cants his head to the side. He'll ANSWER honestly, but he sincerely doubts he'll be believed so he elects to shake his head instead.

"If your INFORMANT brother knows everything then you should already know the answer––but since you're asking, no. I defied Zeus, OPENLY. Haven't you noticed that not a SINCE OTHER Greek god has spoken of me? Have you not noticed how I LIVE in isolation, while the rest of the gods live in Olympus. No. I do this for MYSELF. I do this because it is what I BELIEVE in. You, of course, are under no obligation to believe it, but whether you do, or do not–a clear conscience is more important to me than any personal gain. I have LIVED as you do, and I can guarantee you that if I can pull someone else out of it, I will."

[anothermonikan]

How to subtly imply to parents that I am in a relationship with puter. How to make them understand puter is important to me in general and I don't want to risk anything happening to her. pls